86 comments/ 261504 views/ 59 favorites How High a Price By: the Troubador My friends, this is not my usual story, which is a somewhat neat capsule of an incident in the life of a couple. This is about couples, choices, emotions. It has no sex, but is about sex. Be forewarned, there is no real ending in this story. There are precious few descriptions of the two characters. Gentle Readers, how you picture them is up to you. They are attractive people, keep that in mind. They are highly intelligent, caring and feeling individuals. Keep that in mind also. It will be intriguing to see how it is rated. But don't blame me if you read it hoping for a sexual thrill. Do what I do, if it isn't my kind of story, I don't vote. Let others who are entertained (and there will be a few) decide the value of the story without your bogus marks. But I hope most of you will vote, positively I hope, but what ever you honestly believe. One last thing, this is not autobiographical. I sometimes characterize myself as an old codger, but my wife of many years is still young, still beautiful, and ever faithful. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - It was only a hint, seemed innocuous, and he almost ignored it. Business had called him out of town, and as usual he left a detailed itinerary with Susan, his wife. Also as usual, she had kept him informed in detail of her schedule. It was automatic after all these years together. Then Thursday morning the deal suddenly came together, the people he was negotiating with signed the contract by 11:00 AM and took off to deal with a crisis in one of their East Coast operations. Early, a friendly, sunny natured man with a constant smile on his face, was a trouble shooter/negotiator for his company. Business trips such as this one, while not common, did come up several times a year. This week long trip away from home was scheduled to last through Saturday. He had planned on catching the plane out of Los Angeles at 9:15 Saturday evening. As he would be arriving in Seattle after midnight he had insisted Susan not meet him at SeaTac Airport. He planned to catch the Airport Shuttle home. It would drop him at his door in Bellevue by 1:30 AM. Early hustled to LAX and had his tickets changed. He was on the plane by 1:45 PM. In the air he used the in flight phone to call home to let Susan know he would be home that afternoon, but of course she was at work. So he dug in his briefcase, pulled out her office number and tried to call her at work. "Jenson, Sharone and Anderson, how may I help you?" the receptionist greeted him. "Oh, where's Jennifer?" Early asked. Jennifer was Susan's personal secretary. His calls usually went directly to her desk. "Mrs. Conroy's secretary is out of the office today and tomorrow. May I help you?" came the perky response from the office receptionist. "Uh, well, can I speak to Mrs. Conroy then?" he asked. "Mrs. Conroy? She's… um, who can I tell her called?" was the reply from a suddenly mildly flustered receptionist. "This is her husband, please patch me through," he requested. After a noticeable short pause, then, "Oh, uh, Mrs. Conroy is tied up at the moment, and I'm not sure when she will be available. May I leave her a message?" Early thought for a moment, "No, I'll talk to her at home tonight. Just tell her I called," and he hung up. Something about the call didn't fit, but it took him another half hour to put his finger on it. Susan told him on the phone last night that she would be in the office all day today. Still, it was possible she was working on a legal file or with a client and couldn't be pulled away. The real stickler was Jennifer's absence. Susan made it a point to have Jennifer working the same hours she did. The only times Early remembered Jennifer out of the office when Susan was working were when she had a nasty flu bug, and the few times Jennifer herself was out of the office; out of the office on personal business. The plane landed on time in Seattle, and he was dropped home by 6:35 PM. Susan wasn't home and the house was dark, which was surprising. His wife was almost always home by 6 PM. Early unpacked, tossing his dirty linen in the hamper before changing clothes. When Susan wasn't home by 8 o'clock he made himself a toasted cheese sandwich for dinner. Then he settled down in front of the TV to wait for Susan. With Susan still not home from work, he began worrying. Had she had an accident? But if something like that had happened someone would have called the house, and if he wasn't there at least a message would have been left. He was too restless worrying about Susan to sit still and he found himself pacing the floor. He dialed her cell phone, but received the message that her number was not available. "Probably," he thought, "because the phone was turned off. I wonder why she would have turned it off." The hint that something was terribly askew had grown to a hot ember by 9:20 when his own cell phone rang. Picking it up, he found Susan on the other end. "Early, I was beginning to wonder if something had gone wrong!" were the first words rushing out of her mouth. She sounded worried. "I called your hotel as usual after eating dinner, and they told me you had checked out. Are you alright?" "Yeah, just a minor change of plans," he replied. "Where are you?" "I'm home, just finished cleaning up the kitchen. It's been lonely around here tonight. Will you be home Sunday as scheduled, and where are you staying?" "Well, I'll be home all day Sunday, no problem. We moved our negotiations to their company headquarters this morning. You can reach me on my cell," he answered, his eyes fixed on the darkened, deserted kitchen. No wife there, and the dishes from his make shift meal were piled in the sink. "Anything unusual come up today? I tried to get you at the office this afternoon." "Oh! Well… no, nothing special. I must have been tied up with John Stickner at the time. He got me through that mess with the Melrose account this week. I owe him big time for that," she said with a voice that seemed to have a hidden meaning in it, one which Early couldn't fathom. "Honey, after I was able to turn that disaster around, it looks like I'm going to get that partnership! Mr. Jenson practically promised it to me!" Susan crowed. "Isn't that grand?" "Sure is honey, we will have to celebrate! I'm sorry I wasn't there tonight to get the celebration off the ground." "Don't worry about that, love. We can start our fiesta Sunday when you come home. Don't be late, I really miss you. It's going to be lonely in that big bed without you tonight." After chatting about domestic issues for a few minutes, the connection was broken. Early sat thinking of the many lies Susan had thrown at him tonight, his stomach twisting, churning, a sour taste in his mouth. Until tonight he believed his marriage and their love was solid and strong. It had been something he never questioned. Now he wasn't sure. Early went to bed late, tossing and turning for hours before finally getting to sleep, alone in the big bed Susan had complained about. He was awake by 7 o'clock, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling as he tried to plan his day. By 9:00 he knew Susan wasn't coming home. He called her office. When the receptionist answered instead of Jennifer, he just asked if he could speak with Mrs. Conroy. When she told him Mrs. Conroy wasn't available he thanked her, told her it wasn't a pressing problem and that he would call again Monday morning. "Oh, that should be fine. We expect Mrs. Conroy in the office by 9:00 Monday. You can call her then," was the friendly response. After pulling information from his wife's office rolodex, Early climbed in their SUV. They had purchased the dark green Explorer to tow their camping trailer and seldom drove it other than on trips into the Cascade Mountains or on trips with the trailer. It was an unknown vehicle to those they knew. Leaving the Mercedes in the garage he drove to Susan's Bellevue office. Driving slowly through the parking lot he made sure Susan's gray BMW wasn't there. With a sinking heart, he went looking for the address he found on her rolodex; John Stickner's home. He found it in a wooded area in the exclusive Medina area. The grounds were surrounded with an eight foot red brick fence and heavily shadowed with towering fir trees. As he drove slowly by he saw Susan's BMW parked beside the garage where it didn't block the circular driveway. His vision suddenly blurry, he pulled to the side of the road until he could calm himself and dry his eyes. Early drove into Bellevue, stopping for a breakfast so belated he had to call it brunch. It was 11:30 when he sat down and ordered a Belgian waffle, and tea. His stomach was too upset to take coffee and he wasn't sure if he could even eat the waffle. Eating slowly, having to force each bite to stay down, he finally finished the meal, paid for it and, left the restaurant an hour later. Driving slowly he returned to the road past Stickner's place. Susan's car was still there. After driving aimlessly for over an hour he again drove by Stickner's. His wife's car was still there. He drove home, his mind seething, wondering what was left of his marriage and the life he had enjoyed. He wondered if he would ever smile again. The remainder of the day was spent dawdling around the house. He couldn't face cooking a meal, quieting his occasional hunger pangs by eating snacks, fruit juices and colas. The only break was getting another call from Susan on his cell phone at 9:45 as he was getting ready for bed. She complained again about how big and lonely their bed was without him in it. Early just grunted, trying not to be surly when he told her she didn't really know how lonely such a big bed could be. Susan was puzzled and asked what he meant. He tossed the comment off as agreeing that the bed by herself was very, very lonely for her. He told her had loved her more than his own life just as he hung up. He finally forced himself into bed at midnight. His mind seethed; did she love him at all? Was she trying to punish him for something? No, this wasn't about him, it had to be about her. What was wrong? What more did she need? Could he provide it? What could he do to correct it? He tossed and turned another night away, waking unrested at 8 AM. Early was sitting in the living room, the blinds drawn, the lights out when he heard Susan's BMW drive into the garage. It was almost 10 o'clock. A moment later she came in the door from the garage to the kitchen, carrying a small overnight bag in her hand. Sitting where he was, in his over sized dark leather lounge chair he saw her come in. She was wearing a Campbell plaid wrap around skirt and a bright red sleeveless blouse. The top two buttons of the silk blouse were open. She looked fresh and relaxed as she started through the kitchen; her Thai cloisonné necklace, a gift from him on their third anniversary, shimmering around her slender throat. Half way through the room she stopped, staring at the mess in the kitchen sink. Early hadn't bothered cleaning up his breakfast dishes, or even putting the dirty glasses in the dishwasher from the night before. The tea pot on the stove keeping the water warm didn't escape Susan's notice either. Susan eyes began apprehensively darting around the room. Slowly, cautiously, she warily walked through the kitchen, the only light sifting through the closed curtains. She stopped in the dining room, eyeing the drapes closed over the sliding glass doors to the patio. She examined every nook and cranny of the room before walking through. Dropping her overnight bag on a chair in the dining room, she stealthily rushed through the living room to the fireplace. Hefting the poker she whirled to again face the room. It was then that Early, sitting quietly in his chair, lifted his cup to his lips to take a sip of tea calling her attention to his shadowy presence. "Oh, my God Early! You scared me to death! When did you get home?" Susan demanded in a shaky voice. Early let the silence drag on. It was only minutes but seemed much longer before he replied. His voice, normally so alive and vibrant, sounded dead, "A couple days." Susan's knees seemed to sag, and she stepped backward to half fall into a blue and white striped wingback chair across from her husband. Her face frozen in shock. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you call? Where have you been staying?" she asked. After taking another sip of tea, Early replied in a voice devoid of all emotion, "I did call. I called Thursday afternoon. You weren't home, and you weren't in the office… Jennifer wasn't there, either." Letting the silence drag out again, he took another sip of tea. "I was sitting here in my chair when you called. I spent the night in that big, lonely bed you told me about." Outside, in the warm Saturday sunlight, a car drove by; two of the neighbor kids began a loud argument and one of their dogs began barking loudly. In the living room with all drapes and blinds drawn it was dusk. The only sounds were Susan's strangled sobs. Taking another sip of tea, Early continued in the same dead, flat voice, "Somehow I don't think the bed you were in Thursday and Friday nights was all that lonely. Do you want to tell me about it Susan? Can you make me understand what happened?" Susan was weeping openly now, her head shaking side to side, her face hidden in her hands. "Early, I love you! This had nothing to do with you, with us. Please try to understand, this was something I felt I had to do. It had nothing to do with my love for you, with us." "That makes no sense, Susan. How can your cheating on me, cuckolding me, not have a thing to do with us?" "It was something I felt I had to do, Early. I was trying to repay John for what he had done for me. It had nothing to do with the way I feel toward you, with my love for you!" Early sat silently, watching his wife as he sipped his tea until finally he rose to refill his cup. From the kitchen he asked Susan if she wanted something. She shook her head no, not looking at him. Nor did she watch as he returned to his chair. "Well… Wife… Tell me why you felt what you "owed" Stickner that warranted breaking your wedding vows to me?" A thought suddenly hit him, "Had he blackmailed you before he gave you the help you needed on the Melrose account?" "No! Oh no, he wouldn't do anything like that. He is a very honorable man. What he did was only because he wanted to help me and he knew I wasn't responsible for the mess things were in. He would never ask for something like that. He didn't expect to get anything from it." "So, since he wouldn't ask, was too honorable to even suggest you break your vows, why did you volunteer? Is that I'm hearing? What am I missing?" "You are making this all sound so tawdry! It wasn't like that! It was something he deserved! I keep telling you, it had nothing to do with you and I, with us." "Is it something I've done, some problem with me that led to this?" Susan almost screamed, "NO! I keep telling you, it had nothing to do with you. I had to do something to thank him for what he did for me. When he helped me with Melrose he did it for both you and I. His help will benefit both of us. This wasn't for me, it was for him, and it had nothing to do with my love for you!" After a moments reflection he slowly, painfully asked, "Since you are so upset that my description of your tryst makes it sound tawdry and slimy, does this mean it was beautiful to you?" The silence drew out again before Early broke it. "Remember, Susan, how I've always told you, pledged to you, that I belong to you? And you have always told me you belonged to me. Many times you have told me you were all mine, usually without prompting. Do you recall my telling you how much I believed we belonged to one another? Do you remember that?" Early's voice floated out flatly, with no expression but Susan heard the tremble in his words. "Early, yes! I do belong to you. This had nothing to do with you, nothing to do with us." "Oh Susan, how can you say one thing, then another so contradictory. Can't you see the contradiction? You gave the one thing that was most important to me, the one thing in the whole world that I felt most proud of, yourself. You gave it to another man. And sitting here, listening to you talk, I am beginning to believe you hold intimacy with yourself of little value. You gave it to a man you say hadn't even asked for it. To hear you talk, I am beginning to think you had to beg him to take it." "Then you tell me that it had nothing to do with me," he added in a soft, hopeless voice. "But it didn't mean anything, Early. I am still all here, nothing in me is changed. I love you totally. I AM yours," sobbed Susan. "Susan, everything we experience changes us. You just returned from spending two nights in another man's bed," Early had to pause here, his voice breaking. "You were doing things, intimate things with another man, things that should only be shared with someone you love." With a sob he asked, "How many nights were you with him, Susan? Was it only those two? How many more were there?" After a long break when he was able to get his emotions under control, he continued. His voice now was again emotionless. "And so help me, Susan. I can't help wondering how many other men "deserved" to be rewarded with what was mine! You tell me you are mine. Then you casually give yourself away!" Susan's body was shaking with sobs now, her head shaking her denial of Early's words. She seemed to have shrunken in on herself, her shoulders hunched, her elbows clasped inside her knees, her face buried in her hands, her hair falling over her face. The long, long moments crept on, the man sitting silently, brooding in his chair, his wife now cowering in the chair across from him. It was dim in the room, and the only sounds were those coming from the outside world; a world where the neighborhood was enjoying a quiet, sunny Saturday. Not a sound was heard inside the room other than Susan's sobs until the mantle clock began its muffled striking of noon. "Susan, I don't know where we are going. I swear I love you as much now as I did Sunday as I was leaving for Los Angeles. But I don't know where we are. You keep telling me that your betrayal has nothing to do with me. You don't understand what you have done. My trust in you is gone. And I don't know how I can get it back, what you could do to earn it back." After a moment, Early continued, "If you suggest I go out and cheat on you, that that would balance the scales, we are through. First, if you have so little interest in my fidelity it tells me how cheap you hold fidelity. Second, two wrongs do not make a right. Two wrongs are twice as bad as one." He slowly rose from his chair, set the empty tea cup on the fireplace hearth, then walked to the dining room. There he drew the drapes aside to look out onto their bright, immaculate back yard. He began speaking in a voice she had to strain to hear. "Susan, I want to shake you; shake you so hard your teeth rattle. I have never wanted to hurt a woman before, much less my wife, my love. It would be a very bad idea if I were to meet John Stickner now, despite your implication that it was you that seduced him." Susan made a small sound, maybe denying she had seduced John. Early continued, "You tell me this was not his idea. Just to toss another little problem at you, now that he has tasted your fruits, given to him with no effort on his part, isn't he going to expect those fruits will be available to him later? No matter what you explained to him, he now has to consider you easy." Susan's protest was cut short when he spoke over her words. "Maybe he won't think you are available for anyone, but he will believe you are available to him. To him, you are easy. Over time he is going to lose a lot of respect and value for you." How High a Price When you get to the last paragraph and question the end of the story, Please re-read the first paragraph and you'll understand why. Do you really know what it feels like to love someone with every fiber of your soul? To have a burning passion, in that you want that person more than anything else on this blessed earth. To me, it was like an insatiable craving that only got stronger when I was not with her. Even though some people said you can lose one's self in the process, when it becomes nothing short of an obsession, but to me I didn't care, I was in love and lust for her. It was like after rocking each other's world and finally untangle ourselves from one another, our hearts still beat wildly, we were covered in a heavy layer of sweat and the only thing we could think about is how long until we could do it all over again. That, my friend, is the kind of love and passion I'm talking about. I used to have that. We used to have that, but now I'm in a survival mode, and fighting for what I once had. Fighting and wondering how far I will go to get it back again. People have their own likes, dislikes and personalities to boot. Me, I'm not as straight laced as I once was but I am still driven, a little present I got from my dad. When I really want something, I put the blinders on, put my head down and go for it. Luckily it's worked for me in the past and I've gotten everything I've ever wanted; the wife of my dreams, a beautiful daughter and a job I truly love. But through it all, I guess I kind of let my guard down, and wasn't totally aware of what was happening around me. Life was good, we were in love and we were happy, maybe too happy. Even though it was 2006, Sandy was an adopted child of the sixties. Tie died shirts, tattered jeans, sandals and oh what a body. At five foot ten, in her bare feet, she was tall, lean and had a face that as someone once said men would go to war for. She has straight brown hair that always seemed to glisten in the sun and a when she smiled; those jade colored eyes bore holes into my brain. I was smitten; hell I was in lust at first sight. And you know the best thing about it? She was perusing me. I was just finishing up my senior year of college when I met her. I had broken up with my long term girlfriend eight months earlier and pretty much had my hands full with graduating, sending out resumes and getting my life back on track when I met her at a spring keg party. I don't think she had a shy bone in her body. She walked right up to me and introduced herself. "Hi, my name is Sandy, and yours is Steve isn't it?" she asked. When your tongue has an erection it's really hard to talk but that's what happened. She snuck up behind me and by the time I saw her I was already tongue-tied. "Yes, I'm Steve and yours is Sandy, is that right?" sounding stupid at best. "My friend Carol knows you," she said pointing to a group of girls now watching us as she waved at them, "and says that you hate to be setup on blind dates but thinks that we'd be a good match," she said smiling at me. I kind of wished I had been drunk so I could at least have blamed my stammering on alcohol but I wasn't. I did my worst but it must have been good enough, because she didn't run away screaming, she stayed, we talked and yes; we were meant for each other. For me sparks flew, bombs went off and all I did the first night was hold her hand and kiss her good night at her apartment door. "What'll it be like if we actually end up doing it?" I thought to myself as I drove home with a raging hard-on. Sandy called me that very same night to say she'd had a wonderful time talking to me and that my last girlfriend must have been a total moron to let me go. I agreed, but kept my mouth shut and let her go on. We made a formal date for Tuesday, because she had her last final on Monday afternoon and was hitting the books so she didn't blow it. I was just about to call Sandy Monday night, to see how she did on her test, when she called me. She was all up an excited because she felt like she'd aced her test. "You want to come over and celebrate with me?" she asked? "Hell yes," I said and was probably half way to her place by the time I got off my cell. It took exactly seventeen and a half minutes to get to her place; I timed it while I made my way to her door. "That was fast," she said answering the door and giving me a quick kiss I never expected or was ready for. "You want something to drink?" she asked as I noticed a bunch of other people inside. "Sure, what do you have?" "Haven't a clue but you're welcome to whatever we've got." I got a Miller Lite from a cooler in the kitchen and found her talking to Carol and a few others in the living room. "All these people your roommates?" I said trying to make a joke and then realizing how stupid it sounded only after it had already left my mouth. "Most are Carol's and Jill's friends," she said speaking into my ear as the music was getting even louder. She led me out onto the apartment balcony and shut the sliding door. "Wow, it's getting loud in there, I hope the manager doesn't get pissed off again. He said last time it was our final warning, but we've already gotten two final warning this semester alone," she said now looking at me as I started to melt again. "Well, nothing like starting our date a little early," she said walking into my arms pulling me close. She was the perfect height for kissing. I didn't have to lean down, she was right there and wasn't shy about what she wanted. We touched lips, swapped tongues and exchanged spit for about twenty minutes as I felt every contour of her body as my hands roamed freely across her back and ass. "That was nice," she said pulling back from me slightly. Reaching into her shirt she pulled out a joint lit it up and took a long hit off it. "Want some?" she said while still holding in her breath trying to hand it to me. "No, not into it. I'd rather have a beer or wine," I replied. "I can't handle alcohol for some reason. I get sick even after only one glass of wine," she said exhaling what was left in her lungs before taking another long hit off her joint. With this, I feel good and I never have to worry about a hangover," she said blowing out what was left again. "But, grass is illegal where booze isn't. What happens if you get caught?" "I'd probably get a slap on the wrist since I only do it once in a while and would probably only get caught with maybe one joint; it's not like I'm dealing or anything like that. Besides, it should be legal anyway. Alcohol causes a lot more accidents and I never drive when I'm stoned anyway; I just want to lie back, relax and enjoy the moment," she said smiling at me as she tossed what was left of her joint over the balcony. "You want to relax with me, Steve?" All right we didn't relax as she pulled me into her bedroom and locked the door. For the next two hours my heart was no-where even close to being in a relaxed mode as I discovered the rest of her hidden secrets and special talents. I can't say we made love, but we did do everything else. I found eight freckles, two tiny moles and the sweetest pussy my tongue had ever come across. She wasn't shaved, but was it was trimmed pretty short as I probed and licked every square inch of her pussy as she moaned and told me what a good job I was doing before finally climaxing. Sandy then proceeded to pull me up to her lips, kissed me, as she wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me inside of her. There was more than enough lubrication as I bottomed out on my first stroke. I pounded her for the better part of five minutes before giving up the mother load, as I called it. The only time our lips separated was when she pushed her hips up hard and climaxed for the second time screaming out. "Oh God, yes." She lay there quietly with her eyes closed but with her legs still wrapped around my waist; I guess she wasn't ready to release me just yet. "You're not going anywhere mister," she finally said with this smirk on her face as she opened her eyes. "That was only round number one and you owe me at least another one before I let you leave." Who was I to argue? I was in full and total lust with her and I believe she with me. After that night we were inseperatable. We got to know each other better and I even found a few more freckles she never knew she had; I was up to twelve. I secured a good job in a large marketing firm and after getting a new apartment, Sandy moved in with me about four months later. Within six months she'd met my parents and I was brought home to meet hers. Her mom and dad were concerned that she might drop out of school when I told them we were talking marriage but I assured them that I wouldn't let that happen. With both our parents blessings we got married in a little ceremony with just family and a few close friends almost one year from the day we first met. Life was good and we were happy. The next two years were like a whirlwind as we both had huge things happen to us. Sandy graduated from school and got a job working with the county social services offices, I got a nice promotion and a year and a half later we found out that she was pregnant. Do all dads to be go brain dead when they hear the news and all ask the same stupid question? 'How did that happen?' Well duh? My bride was beaming and said how happy she was that we were soon to become three. The only real disagreement we ever had was when I caught her smoking a joint one Saturday night after dinner. "Babes, I don't think you should be doing that, being pregnant and all." "Steve, it's like smoking a cigarette, no big deal. "Hon, even smoking a cigarette is harmful to a baby one way or another and I know you don't do it often, it's just that I think you should abstain until after the baby is born." "You're right, and its no big deal," she said tossing it into the toilet. Seven months later we had Lisa Ann. She was just over six and a half pounds and soon became the number one focus in our lives. I never dreamed in a million years that adding one little mouth would change our life so drastically. Now everything revolved around Lisa's schedule and needs. It was hard getting used to it, but by the time Lisa hit three we were in the grove and almost professionals or thought we were. I was toying with the idea of talking to Sandy about a little brother or sister when things got busy or should I say a little out of control. Sandy's office had a cutback in staff but not workload, as everyone was expected to take up the slack. Instead of working from nine to five, it was more like eight thirty to six or seven before she could get home sometimes. They paid her overtime but that wasn't the issue, the hours were killing her. It probably would have been smarter for Sandy to get another job, but we had just purchased a small house and needed her stable income for at least the foreseeable future. We both got stressed and it showed. Tuesday night I was finishing up cooking hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill when Sandy dragged her butt through the door. Looking up at the clock I could see it was close to seven. I stopped, put the lid down on the grill and walked over to her. "Hi stranger." I said giving her a kiss. "Rough day?" "There all rough lately and to make matters worse, Dan quit today. He told them he needed to get off early the next two Thursdays and they told him he'd have to make up those hours on Saturdays. He got pissed, they told him it wasn't up for discussion and he ended up telling them what they could do with his job." "Think he'll come back tomorrow and ask for his job back?" "Not likely. He's got two Masters and why he's still there I haven't a clue. They're so cheap, they probably won't replacement him and just push the work off on the rest of us. Steve, I can't put in anymore hours," she said almost with tears in her eyes. "Why don't we start looking for something else for you? There's got to be something out there that's better than what you've got," I told her giving her a big hug. "Why don't you go upstairs and change. I've got dinner almost done and we'll have a quiet night with just the three of us." "Give me ten minutes and I'll be down," Sandy said moving up the stairs. I waited twenty minutes before going upstairs to search for her. I found Sandy sitting on the bathroom floor finishing up a joint. "I know what you're going to say, but I don't want to hear it right now. I need it to wind down and it's nothing different then when you come home and have a beer or a glass of wine." "But Sandy you're doing it all the time now. It use to be only once in a while and now it seems to be almost every other night. Babes, I'm getting concerned. What if they do a random drug test? There is no way you'd pass it and you'd lose your job, is it really worth it?" "Steve, you talk like I'm an out of control addict. So I have a joint once in a while. Hell, spend a day with me and listen to everything I have to put up with and you'd be tossing down a six pack a night." "But hon like I've always said, alcohol is legal and marijuana isn't; that's the issue." I knew I wasn't going to win this discussion especially right after she'd smoked a joint or two so I decided to drop it, at least for tonight. Dinner was a bit tense until Lisa pulled out her charm, which made both of us forget the tension between us and remembered what was really important. Sandy got her ready for bed and I read Lisa a story before falling asleep. She truly was the best thing we'd ever done together. I was already in bed waiting when Sandy finished up in the bathroom. She flopped on the bed, hugged her pillow and told me she wanted to sleep for a month. I moved over and started massaging her shoulders and back. "I'll give you a week to stop that," she said talking into her pillow as she stretched out a little more. I moved from her shoulders to her back and down to her thighs. When I moved one hand between her legs and brushed up against the cotton material that was separating me from her pussy she moved but not much. "Take me if you want, just let me know when you're done. I'm just too tired to even say no tonight." That's not how I liked or wanted it so I kissed her on the neck, curled up next to her and held her close. Ten minutes later Sandy was dead asleep even with the lights on. "We've got to find her a new job before she burns out," I thought as I still held her. We could probably make it on my salary alone, but there would be absolutely no extras and we'd both become accustom to splurging every once in a while. So I let it slide, it was easier to do nothing, but looking back I shouldn't have. Sandy's smoke outs became the norm rather than the exception. I hated the way it made her smell even though she took a shower most nights before coming to bed. We made love, but she was usually stoned and more lethargic than anything else. I did most of the work and although it was still good, it wasn't what I was hoping for. "Babes, don't do that tonight," I told her walking into the bathroom, as she was getting ready to light up another joint. "I'd like to see you straight at least once in a while. Hell, I feel like I've been living with Cheech and Chong for the last couple of months." "I don't bug you when you have a beer after work do I?" "All right, I'll make you a deal," I told her pulling her in close to me. "I won't have a drink after work if you don't light up every night, deal?" "But Steve, it helps me wind down after work," she said almost pleading. "But babes, it's becoming almost an addiction," I tried to tell her. "Just try it, for me, will you?" "All right, but if I get too stressed out I'm going to have one," she said in almost a defiant tone." I was more than worried at this point. We took it a day at a time. I made sure I had dinner at least started by the time she came home from work and I made it a point to never leave her alone, that way she couldn't sneak one while I finished cooking dinner. She was now straight but wasn't happy about it most nights. Friday night Sandy beat me home. I went upstairs and she was rolling a joint in the bathroom. I guess I kind of lost it. "Hon, you promised," I told her. "I need this tonight," she said as she finished rolling it. "Sandy, that's the key word now, you need it. Since it's no longer a want but a need, we've got to get it back in check," I told her grabbing her joint and the bag of what she had left. "Damn it Steve, give that back," she yelled at me as I walked over to the spare room bathroom, flushed the toilet and dumped everything thing into the water as she screamed at me. Then things got uglier, if that was even possible. She ran down the stairs and took the last four beers I had left in my six-pack and dumped them out in the sink. When I just looked at her and she saw it didn't faze me, he turned it up a notch. She went over to our liquor cabinet, grabbed two bottles and threw them against the dining room wall; it was now officially out of control. I grabbed Sandy as she screamed and swore at me. "You had no fucking right to do what you did. I'm not a kid, I can do whatever I want," she said grabbing her purse and car keys. "I'm just going to go out and replace what you took," she said storming out the house as I looked on. We had a problem even if Sandy didn't think so. Two hours later, Sandy came back and was totally stoned. "I thought you said you never drive when your stoned, Sandy?" I asked her. "You left me no choice," she said sitting down on the couch. Where's Lisa?" she asked looking around. "I put her to bed after you went out to get your fix." "It wasn't a fix, just something to take the edge off my stressful day." "Sandy, it's become an addiction, a crutch or whatever you want to call it, and you've got to break the hold it has on you. Don't you see how it's effecting you and us?" "Steve, you're getting way too uptight about this," she said looking at me through her smoked out eyes. "I can't talk to you when you're in this state, we'll talk tomorrow," I said getting up from my chair heading upstairs. She was more fucked-up then usual, if that was possible. I cleaned up and was in bed before Sandy even came upstairs. "Aren't you going to at least wait for me before you go to bed," she asked. "Why, do you even have a clue where you're at?" I said angrily. "Sandy, I give up. Smoke, drop acid, stick a damn needle in your arm, I don't care any longer. You're a big girl and can do what you want, as you so eloquently reminded me, just stay the hell away from me," I said turning over and going to sleep. If I thought that outburst would have an effect on her, I was sad to say I was wrong since Sandy was almost never straight anymore. It now became a game between us. I would search for her stash and if I found it, I would destroy it. Then I reached a point where I couldn't find it any longer. She was still getting high but wherever it was, I could never find it. Then came the next unpleasant chapter in our all ready out of control loves. Sandy was carrying some files down the stairs at work and fell. She hit her head on the railing, cut the top of her head open and there was blood everywhere. They took her to the emergency room sewed her up, but also did a drug screen. I guess every time there was an accident it was mandatory. Like I'd told her in the past, she failed but not just for marijuana, but for cocaine also. I hit the roof and we had the biggest argument of our marriage. "Sandy, how stupid can you be, you're going to lose your damn job over this," I yelled. "I'm not going to lose my job. All I have to do is go through a drug rehab class and take mandatory drug tests randomly every month, no big deal," Sandy said like it was nothing. How High a Price "You're never going to get another promotion, your chances of moving up are nil to none; doesn't that bother you?" "Steve, it was a dead end job, besides it's time I switch jobs anyway." "Sandy, who is going to hire a pot head? And besides, you've still got to go through the classes to keep it off your permanent record." "I'll take care of it," she said sarcastically at me. "Like you took care of your drug problem? And besides, I guess congratulations are in order now that you've moved up in your drug addiction and added cocaine. When did that happen? Don't tell me, the grass wasn't quite doing the job anymore," I said as sarcastically as possible. "Fuck off," was her response. "Wow, that was really intelligent and so grown up. You got anymore good come backs?" I asked as she just glared at me. Sandy, you've got a drug problem that needs to be addressed and fast. You're moving up, what's next heroin? Honey, I love you, but you're making it hard on the rest of us. Take the rehab seriously and get the help you need, for you, me and Lisa." I'd like to say that she took my words to heart but that would be expecting normal behavior from an addict. She went to the classes but never changed one iota and shit came raining down on her the second month. Sandy was all ready at home waiting for me when I arrived. "I got fired today," she said red eyed. "I fail the drug test and they told me to clean out my desk,' she said through her red eyes. I would have loved to say I told you so but all that would have done is make her feel worse. "What are you going to do now?" "Find another job." "How about the rehab classes?" "If I want to finish, I have to pay for them myself. They're expensive but at least I've only got two classes yet." "So you plan on finishing?" I asked "Of course I plan on finishing," she said now getting annoyed. Sandy did finish the classes and did get another job a couple of weeks later, but it only paid about half of what she had been making. As far as I could tell she wasn't doing anything and we'd just started reconnecting when she had a relapse. No call, no message, she just walked in high as a kite. "I'm home hon, is dinner ready yet?" she asked walking in and kissing me. "Sandy, you're stoned. Where in the hell have you been?" "Just stopped over at a friends house after work for a minute." "Does this friend have a fucking name?" I asked more than a little loudly. "With an attitude like that, I don't think I'm going to tell you?" she said kind of smugly. My biggest problem with this whole mess tonight was the fact that Sandy didn't smell like smoke, not one bit. If she wasn't high on grass, I shutter to think what she was high on. "You lost your job because of drugs and now you're driving high again, give me your damn keys before you kill someone," I said grabbing her purse. She fought me like a wild woman and I soon found out why. A small vile with a powdery substance was also in there. I'd never been in the drug culture, but I wasn't dumb either. I grabbed it and dumped it into the sink and turned on the water as I held Sandy at bay. "You had no right to do that, do you know how much money that cost?" she screamed at me. "Likely our marriage if you keep this shit up," I yelled back at her. "Look at yourself," I shouted. "You're losing weight, you look like shit, you've got a dead end job and most of all, and you're neglecting your daughter. I don't think Lisa wants a drug addict for a mother." "Steve, I'm not a damn drug addict. I may do it once in a while but I'm not an addict." "Spoken like a true addict. Next your going to say you can quit anytime you want," I said trying to make her see where she was at; but it didn't work, she just got more defensive. It got worse from that night on. The next time she came home stoned I cut up her credit cards and drivers license. I told her if I caught her driving stoned again I'd call the cops on her. No way I was going to allow her to kill someone besides herself. When I started sleeping in the guest room she took it as an open invitation that she could smoke in the bedroom. The first and only time it happened she got physical and scratched my arms when I dumped out her snatch. I was losing and didn't have a clue what to do. I called the drug hotline and they gave me a few suggestions, all of which I'd already tried, so I took it to the next level, I called her parents and asked for their help. I figured a joint assault on the problem might work. I was wrong, so very wrong. "You called my parents?" Sandy screamed at me. "What are you nuts?" "If you won't listen to me maybe you'll listen to them," I replied. "I can't fucking believe you called my parents. Do you know that they want to put me into a drug rehab center? What do you think I am? Some crack whore?" "Honey, you need help because you can't handle it by yourself anymore," I said trying to calm her down without much luck. "I've got to get out of here," she yelled grabbing her keys. "Going out for another fix?" I yelled at her, which stopped her in her tracks. "If you are, don't come back. I don't need an addict for a wife and Lisa sure as hell doesn't deserve one for a mother." She looked at me once and then again before walking out, she'd made her choice. I don't have a clue what time Sandy finally got home but it was way past two o'clock. All I know is when I got up at six; she was home in bed and fully dressed. I had to try and cut the head off the snake once in for all. I had to make sure Sandy no longer had any money to buy her drugs. I'd already cut up her credit cards and this morning I was going to close out our checking and savings accounts. I guess it was my last feeble attempt to get the upper hand but as they say, if an addict wants drugs they'll find a way to get them. When she pawned her watch, I look whatever was left and put it into my bank lockbox. However, when she pawned her wedding rings I guess I was about done. By now she was just stopping in whenever she needed a change of clothes or to try and find something else she could pawn. At this point I didn't know if she was even working any longer. My parents were watching Lisa almost full time and I had to work just to keep the roof over our head. It was Saturday when I'd finally reached my limit. I found Sandy puking in the bathroom toilet when I got up. She looked like shit as the remnants of what hadn't made it into the toilet was dripping down her chin onto her tee shirt. "Sandy, look at yourself," I said grabbing the mirror off the vanity and shoving it in her face. "Do you like what you see? I sure as hell don't. You're two steps away from being in the gutter, is that what you want?" She started to say something but was still so screwed up she didn't make any sense. Tears filled her eyes as she lay there, feet stretched out leaning against the wall. I wet a washcloth with some cool water and wiped her face. She was a wreck but she was still my wreck, at least for now. Her clothes were filthy and she smelled like a garbage dumpster. I helped her get to her feet. "Come on Sandy, you need to get undressed and take a shower before we get something into your stomach," I told her, starting to undress her. A weak, "I can undress myself," came out of her mouth. I told her I would go downstairs and fix her something to eat. "Maybe she's hit rock bottom and will listen to reason," I thought as I cooked her two soft-boiled eggs and toast. I wasn't sure if she wanted coffee but I figured she might need it so I brewed another pot. "I guess it's time we had a come to Jesus meeting because we couldn't go on like this any longer. I was going upstairs to tell her that breakfast was ready and when I went into the bathroom; it didn't take me two seconds to figure out where she'd been getting the money for her drugs lately. She'd just come out of the shower and was drying off when I stepped through the door. She tried to cover up but she was too late, I'd already seen. There were bite marks and hickeys on her breasts and nipples, bruises on her thighs and a shaved pussy still swollen from last night's probable over usage. I didn't shout, yell or scream even though I had already lost it. Inside my brain yelled for me to kill the bitch. "I'll see you downstairs," I said as the heat from my anger turned my face beet red and my hands hurt from being tightly clenched waiting to explode on the nearest object. "Steve," she started to say but stopped when I gave her a look that was no longer that of a concerned husband, more so that of roach that he wanted to squash beneath his feet. Sandy came downstairs in a pair of old jeans and a long sleeve tee shirt. Her long hair was tied back in a ponytail and her face looked pale and drawn. She sat down in front of the plate of food and ate in silence not even once looking up at me. It took her almost an hour to finish her breakfast fully knowing that we were going to be having a discussion she wasn't prepared for. "You either check yourself into rehab today or I want you out of the house by this afternoon. Regardless, I'm changing the locks, there's no telling whom you may have given a key to. Here's a list of three clinics," I said passing a paper over to her, "pick one and if you can't drive yourself get your parents to take you. I'm on my way over to pickup Lisa and I want you gone one way or another by the time I get back," I said standing up and grabbing my keys off the counter. "Please Steve, can we talk for a minute?" "Not now and I don't know when. I just want you gone so Lisa and I can get back to some type of normalcy knowing at least we won't have to worry about where you are any longer." There was no I love you; I've missed you or any hint of love in my tone of voice only disgust and now anger. I'd never have or had to ever deal with an addiction even when I quit smoking; I just did it, no big deal right? But now I looked at Sandy as someone weak, someone pitiful who had let something rule her life and in the end destroy what we once had. I couldn't understand how she could have done that, hell, I saw what was happening why didn't she? By the time I got back with Lisa, Sandy was gone. No note to say where she went or if and when she'd be back again. Her car was still in the garage so I assumed she called her parents and checked herself into rehab. I didn't know for twenty-four hours when the facility confirmed my insurance coverage. "Maybe she'll get some help this time," I thought for a brief moment but then Lisa called out to me and I was parent again. We'd argued about her drug habit for almost two years but in reality, I'd never agreed with it but it never really interfered with our life until it got out of hand. She'd been in rehab almost two months before I heard from her. She called home about seven o'clock one evening and asked if we could talk. "About what Sandy? You need me to smuggle you in a joint or two?" I said sarcastically. "Other than that I really don't have much to say to you anymore. I talked until I was blue in the face but you never listen to me and you did what you wanted. Your watch, your rings, our silver, all gone along with any trust I had in you. Seeing you come out of the shower finished it for me," I told her before I heard the dial tone. I guess she didn't like what I had to say. About two and a half months later I got a call from her mother. "Steve, Sandy would like to see Lisa if that's possible. She's staying with us for now and going to counseling and meetings in the evening. I could pick her up and bring here over here and bring her back afterwards. She's changed Steve, she's a lot more reserved and is really sorry for what she put you through." "I suppose she's got religion too? It seems like everyone gets religion, at least until they get out; then it's back to the old ways until they get caught again. Since she's not working, you can pick her up at my mom's and she can have her for the whole day. Just make sure she's back by the time I finish work," I told her. "I hope she's finally getting the help she needs." Sandy or her mom would pickup Lisa a couple of days a week and spend the day with her. Lisa was beaming now that she was seeing her mom again. I was feeling a little more at ease with the whole situation until I got a call from Sandy's psychologist. "Mr. Moore, my name is Dr Russell, I treating your wife for her addiction. Would it be possible to meet with you? I have some questions and maybe you can give me some insight into your wives problem." "Doc, I don't know what I can add. She'd done grass forever, moved to cocaine and then who knows what else. I talked and tried everything until I just gave up and didn't care any longer. She didn't need or want me in her life anymore; she had her drugs and her druggie friends." "What you say is true, but she is asking for your help now, what should I tell her?" "Tell her I'll think about it and I'll get back with you." "I guess that's all I can ask for. I hope you and your daughter have a nice evening." That was a low blow to bring up Lisa. I knew how much Lisa loved her mom and I felt that Sandy really did feel the same about her. If I didn't help, I'd be the shit. Oh well, maybe it'll get her off my ass if I do. The only stipulation was that Sandy was not to be present. I still had a lot of hate inside and was nowhere near ready to confront her. Friday morning at about nine thirty I found myself sitting in Dr Russell's office. He wasn't anything like I'd expected. No distinguished looking older gentlemen, more so that of a middle aged jock. Wearing a yellow polo shirt, black jeans and tennis shoes I don't know if he was trying to put me at ease or make a statement. I was dressed in a suit and tie. "Mr. Moore, I'm glad you could make it, can I get you anything to drink?" "Water would be nice," I replied. "Let's get to it shall we? You and Sandy have been married what, almost seven years?" "That's about right," I said thinking back to our wedding day for a split second. "I see here you have one daughter, Lisa who will be turning five in two months," he continued. "When did you first aware that Sandy's problem was getting out of hand?" "If you mean her drug addiction, that started out about a year and a half ago. She went from a casual user to a couple of times a week. From there it just blossomed into a full habit about nine months later. When she became a crack whore is anyone's guess," I told him, he gave me this look of disapproval. "What's the matter, didn't she tell you how she got her drug money after she sold off her wedding rings?" "We're not here to discuss her condition at this time, more so just to confirm details of the past two years," he said now in a more professional manner. "How's she doing anyway?" I asked. "I'm sorry Steve, I can't discuss her case or condition with you without her permission. But, if you want, you could join us tomorrow evening for her weekly session; I'm sure she would like that." "Maybe when she gets better and gets her head out of her ass I'll think about it," I said probably a little louder than I should have as my anger started getting the better of me. "I know you're probably still angry with her but if you'd like, we could talk about your issues with her so you could address them." "I don't want to address them, they're fine where they're at," I said angrily. "I'm not the one that fucked up, Sandy did and now I'm the one paying for her sins," I said standing up. "If that's all you need, I've got to get back to work; I've still got a daughter to look after." "Mr. Moore, you're talking like Sandy's dead. She's recovering but she's far from being dead." "In your eyes maybe." This weekend proved to be a little a little tougher on me than the past few. Sandy wanted Lisa on Saturday but I told her that I'd already made plans. I really didn't, I guess I just wanted to get back at her a little and this was the only way I could. We went out to lunch, Mc Donald's, and then went looking for a birthday party dress. Do you want to know what it's like to take a little girl shopping for a dress and seeing all the other mothers and their daughters all happy and bonding? It hurt; it hurt like hell. Sandy should be the one doing this. Sandy and Lisa should be the ones picking out her fifth birthday dress, instead, Sandy's in fucking rehab for a condition she brought on herself. "Daddy, I like this one,' Lisa said snapping me out of my stupor. "I like this one," she said pointing to a frilly pink one on a rack. All right I wasn't the greatest at this as I picked out one and held it up to her gauging if it would fit. "Can I be of any help?" a woman with another little girl in tow asked. Looking a little embarrassed, I told her I was dress shopping with my daughter. "That dress would be a little small on her," she said taking it from me. "This is probably her size," she said pulling another off the rack. "If you'd like, I'll put it on her and you can be the judge." "I'd like that," I replied as she, Lisa and her little girl made their way to the dressing room. A couple of minutes later a giggling Lisa came out. "Sweetheart that looks beautiful on you," I said told her while she twirled to show me the front and back. "You want that one?" she nodded yes, the mother looked on. "Let's take off this dress so your daddy can pay for it," she told Lisa and she took the group back into the dressing rooms again. Five minutes later they were out again. "I want to thank you for your help," I said smiling at her. "Do you have socks, tights and the rest of the items?" she asked. I guess I had this stupid look on my face because she smiled and said, "Come on dad, it's time for a little education. My name is Connie and this is my little girl, Debby." "I'm sorry, my name is Steve and this is my little girl, Lisa. Ok, what else do we need?" It took us another hour to finish off the outfit, including shoes and a rhinestone plastic thing for her hair to pull it back. Finally, she put on everything and gave me the full fashion show. "Honey, you look beautiful," I said giving her a kiss on the forehead. "Why don't you take off everything, we don't want it to get dirty do we?" For the final time the three of them disappeared back into the dressing room. "I don't know how to thank you Connie, I didn't have a clue about anything other than the dress," I said paying for everything at the checkout and watching the two girls having fun talking together. "Steve, next time you'll know exactly what to do. Just don't let it get to you; relax and you'll do fine," she said smiling at me. "How about if I take you and Debby out for pizza to formally thank you for your help?" As soon as I said it I realized I'd over stepped the line. "I'm sorry Connie, I don't know what I was thinking. You don't know me from Adam and here I'm asking to take you out for pizza. You've probably got a husband at home waiting for you; I'm sorry, please accept my apology," I said eating more crow than I had in a long time. "It's not that Steve, don't you have someone hope waiting on you?" "Not anymore, but that's a long story," I said still trying to make up for my forwardness. "Debby and I would love to join the two of you for pizza and I know just the right place." We ended up at Chucky Cheese. We got a one large cheese, one sausage and a pitcher of diet Sprite. The place was packed and after eating only about half of what we ordered we started playing all the games. I think it cost me twenty-five dollars to win two stupid bears that were probably worth about five dollars total. While the kids wound down we attempted to finish off the pizza and soda. How High a Price "I'm stuffed," Connie said holding her belly. "I couldn't eat another bite." "Take the rest home with you. If nothing else Debby will probably be hungry later since neither of them ate anything," I said smiling. "Don't you want to take it home, after all you paid for it." "Lisa's not going to touch it and I don't need the additional pounds either. Besides, we'll probably end up at my mom's tomorrow night for dinner so it'll just go to waste." "Well, if you're sure." "Connie take it and if you like, we'll pickup a few chocolate chip cookies for dessert." "Now you're talking," she said with a smile. "I'm a chocoholic from way back. White, dark, milk, I love it all." "Me too, but good Swiss milk chocolate is my favorite." "Swiss is too expensive," Connie added. "Give me a Hersey's big block, put it in the freezer for about an hour, smack it on the kitchen counter and then turn me loose." We both laughed at our indulgences. "If it's not too personal, what happened to Lisa's mother, did she pass away?" "Separated for now. Her bad behavior, I guess, got the best of her," I said, it was the first time in a while I'd thought about where we stood. "And how about you?" "My husband replaced me with a newer and sportier model only to find out he couldn't handle her. I guess the grass across the street always looks greener until you find out they've got the same weeds as you do. Anyway, he wants back in, but I'm nowhere ready for that just yet, or maybe ever. Life can really be a bitch sometimes but you still have to go on and survive; unless you win the lotto that is," she said smiling. "You guys going to counseling?" I asked. "I don't have the money for that, and shithead just wants to move back in like nothing ever happened; not in my immediate future." "If he's got any decent insurance it'll be covered, I know my wife is using mine now." "You going with her?" "Haven't yet, and I'm not sure if I'm going to. I have more than a few problems with what she did and I don't know if they are deal breakers. I guess one of these days I'm going to have to talk to her but right now all I want to do is choke her," I said starting to get angry. "Boy, and I thought I had marital issues," she said looking at me and trying to get me to smile. "Lighten up. You've got a beautiful daughter, you're healthy, good looking; you've got your whole life in front of you." "I guess you're right, but it's hard sometimes." "You don't have to tell me that. Well it's been a blast; we've got to do this again. Here's my number, if you need a sounding board give me a call. You may not like what I've got to say, but at least I won't lie to you." I gave Connie my cell number and told her the same thing. The kids were getting tired and a little cranky so we called it a night. With Lisa in my arms I headed back the car and finally to our house My mom laid a bomb on me Sunday afternoon at dinner. She had to go in for some female surgery and would be out of commission for a couple of weeks. "It's nothing serious, just something I've put off but now I've got to take care of it. The doctor told me I'll be in bed for about a week and won't be able to lift a thing for about two to three weeks after that. Why don't you talk to Sandy's parents, I'm sure they'd love to watch Lisa?" My dad said he'd watch Lisa but I told him he'd have his hands full taking care of mom. This was one call I didn't really want to make but I didn't have much of a choice. Maybe it'll do Sandy some good taking care of Lisa on a daily basis; it had been a long time since her mothering skills had been put to the test. A couple of hours here and there was one thing, but the day-to-day issues I found could be trying at best. I made the call. I would now drop off Lisa at Sandy's parent's house at seven o'clock in the morning and pick her up at just after five. My only condition was that I did not want to get ambushed by Sandy. I told her if I wanted to talk to her, I'd call, but if something did come up she had my cell. The first week went well and sometimes Lisa had already been fed supper by the time I picked her up. The following week we had clients in and were required to have dinner with them Wednesday and Thursday. When my boss told me to bring my lovely wife to dinner with me on Thursday night, because he was bringing his, we had a little talk without going into any details. I was the odd man out Thursday night. I had talked to Connie once before Thursday night but I needed an ear tonight. "Connie, I wanted to scream as they all sat there lovie dovie with their wives," I ranted. "I got angry all over again at her and what she did to our once happy marriage." "Why didn't you take her with you? Are you afraid of her? Or are you just afraid of what you'd say to her? Steve, even though he makes me so damn angry I talk to my husband now and then. We may not like or agree with what the other is saying, but at least we're keeping the line of communication open. How many times have you even spoken to her in the last six months? Once? Twice? I think it's high time you get off the fence and address your issues with her. If it's over, then it's over and you can both get on with rebuilding your lives. But, if there is a chance, well the longer you wait the harder it's going to be." "Connie you don't understand, you don't know what she did." "I think I do from what you told me. What's the difference between her sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry to get drug money and my husband shacking up with the floozy of the month or in his case, four months; it's all cheating. At least mine did it with a free will, yours it looks like was under the influence of whatever she was taking at the time. I'm not saying to run to her with open arms, just that it's time to move on one way or another. Hell Steve, aren't you the least bit horny? I was ready to jump your bones that first night we met. I think I would have gotten off just holding your hand I was so ready, thank God for Big Ben who I keep safely hidden in my night table. He takes the edge off when it becomes unbearable. As much as I'd like to try you on for size, you've got issues you need to address. So Steve, with that said, I need to go. I've got my scented candles lit, the kids are in bed and I've got a date in my bedroom, if you know what I mean." She laughed, I laughed and I told her not to wear it out. I met with Dr. Russell by myself the first time. I laid out all the issues I had with Sandy and told him I was still angry with her but it had mellowed somewhat. "Steve, if I put you two in the same room, am I going to need someone standing guard outside my door?" "You won't need that, but I can't promise you I won't lose my temper," I said being honest with him. "Before we meet though, I need you to think about what you want to say to Sandy and write it down. That way if you get too angry, you can read it off the paper if necessary. I just want to make sure you get it all out there on the table so it can be addressed. Plan on spending an hour to hour and a half here and no drinking prior to our session." We made an appointment for the following Wednesday right after work. I spent the weekend going over my list. I listed every issue I could think of at first and then went back and started getting specific, taking out all the duplicates. I went from three random pages to one full page. I must have read it over and over a couple dozen times; hell, I could probably recite the final list in my sleep. Tuesday night I added one more item and I was ready. Wednesday I was on pins and needles the entire day. At one point I wished I'd taken the day off but figured I would have been so worked up by five- thirty I would have been useless. I had the list in my inside suit pocket when I walked into Dr. Russell's main office, no Sandy. I checked in and sat there fidgeting for the better part of ten minutes before he came out of his office. "Steve, I'm glad you made it. Are you ready for this?" he asked. "Doc, I'm not sure but let's do it anyway," I said following him into his office. Sandy was already there. She had gained some weight back but was still pretty thin. Her long brown hair was now cut just above the shoulder and she was wearing bangs for the first time since I've known her. A long sleeve shirt, jeans and open toed sandals rounded out her outfit. My mouth was dry, my hands were sweating and my legs felt weak. I sat in the chair across from Sandy and thank God there was a bottle of water on the table in front of me. Dr. Russell was talking to both of us but I didn't hear a word he was saying, my eyes were glued on Sandy. She never returned my gaze but it didn't matter. I heard him call out my name two times before it finally registered and I snapped out of my stupor. "Steve, if you've got your list, why don't we start," he said. Now all eyes were on me. I reached into my coat fumbled with my list before unfolding it and finally getting it ready. The world stopped. I could see, I could feel my lungs pumping air into my body, I could feel my heart beating wildly but I couldn't move. The list had fallen from my hands and was now lying on the floor by my feet. I heard him ask me once, twice, Steve are you are all right? But I wasn't. I don't know what I was at that moment but I wasn't all right. "Why?" the word finally snuck out from between my lips. It was horse, soft but understandable. "I don't understand, why?" I said before trying to swallow something that was now caught in my throat, my heart. I saw her eyes get red, tear up and watched her lips quiver as she mouthed the words, "I'm sorry." I don't want your damn apology, the voice in my brain screamed out. I want answers; I want to know fucking why? How could you do this to me? To us? I wanted an answer; no, every fiber in me needed an answer to that question. I sat there like a store mannequin waiting for her to reply. "I let it get out of control and when I finally realized it, I couldn't put the genie back in the bottle," she said with her body leaning towards mine. "Life got hard and I finally realized you couldn't fix it for me. Grass was something I'd done for years and it wasn't any big deal. It was something like a reward for doing something good but after a while I started to depend more and more on it to bridge the not so good moments. Lisa was a little colicky, work started to spiral out of control and money was too tight for my comfort level; as I said a joint or two got me over the hump." "Lisa, I saw it and I brought it up more than a dozen times, but all you did was to tell me you could handle it; but I guess couldn't." "Steve, you were too straight laced to understand what I was going through. If you have a problem you solve it right then and there and move on to the next issue. If you want a beer you have one but you stop after that. You wanted one but you've never needed one. You're a lot stronger willed than I am so it's hard for you to understand how someone can let something take over their life." "Sandy, I was always there for you. You didn't even need to ask, I was always offering my help but you shut me out. How do you think I felt knowing you were floundering and you wouldn't grab my hand when I offered it over and over again? After the hundredth time I could just watch as you struggled in the water. I pulled my hand back. I watched you go under once and then twice but by that time all you could do is stare at me through your dazed eyes sinking lower and lower. I guess I gave up but you had given up months earlier." "Steve, don't you understand, you couldn't save me, no one could but me and only after I was as low as I could get. The morning you found me in the bathroom I'd just about hit bottom. I didn't have a clue where I'd been for the last two days and I guess I didn't even care. I hadn't eaten a meal in I don't know how long but whatever I had in my stomach was coming up whether I wanted it to or not. I saw you come in and at that point I still didn't want your help but finally realized I needed it or I was done. Somewhere back in my mind I knew what I'd done to get the money to buy drugs, but it still wasn't real to me. Steve, I did whatever I had to, to get what I needed. I didn't think of you, Lisa or anything else; I just needed to stay up there where life was good and where no one wanted anything from me." "So in other words being a crack whore didn't bother you? Didn't you ever look back and wonder about us?" "Steve. I didn't care anymore and I sure as hell wasn't thinking about you or anyone else or I wouldn't have been doing what I was on the street. I was just doing everything in my power to satisfy a burning need that never went away; that is until that morning. I think I finally realized that if I left the house that morning I'd never be back and a small part of me didn't want that. I think you finally shocked me into doing something but I can still see the anger in your eyes just like it was there that morning. I guess I can say I'm sorry but I think it's gone beyond that." I started to say something but stopped mid-sentence. It would have been something hurtful coming out of the anger I still had burning a hole in my stomach. She sat there crying, grabbing for the box of tissues that the doctor was handing her. Dr. Russell asked if she wanted to continue but she just shook her head no. "Steve, we still have a few minutes left, is there anything else you want to ask your wife?" My wife? I guess she still was even though I hadn't thought of Sandy in that way in a long time. When I looked at Lisa I would think of Sandy but only as her mother, I hadn't thought of her as my wife in many months. To me she was just someone who stopped in every once in a while to make me miserable and who I'd have to address sooner or later, but was hoping for much later. "Sandy, what the hell do you want?" I said probably way too loud and I know without any sympathy in my voice. "I want to get better. I can't go forward or think about tomorrow until I take care of myself first because if I don't, I don't have a tomorrow." "What are we looking at, a week, a month, a damn year? Can you give me some type of time line?" "Steve, let me answer that one the best way I can," Dr. Russell, said readjusting himself on his chair so he could look directly at me. "Sandy has make great strides over these last six months, but she's not cured, she never will be. She's like an alcoholic. She can't take even one drink without risking a relapse. She's done well so far, but she hasn't been in the real world and she's not ready for that just yet. What you ask, I don't have an answer for. All she can do is to take it one day at a time and be thankful she survived another day. Right now we're looking at short-term goals. Sandy's got long term ones, but we're trying to stay focused on the short term ones for the moment." "In other words, after all you just told me, you don't have a clue yourself; other than to tell me she's moving forward. It could be a year or maybe never?" "That's about the size of it Steve," he said looking over at Sandy who looked physically as well as emotionally drained. "You'll need to decide at some point if you're in it for the long haul, and I do mean the long haul. I'm not going to say it's going to be easy but it will be easier if you try to do it as a family instead of individually." Thank God, our time was up. I don't think I could have stood anymore of his good news. He told us that he'd see us both back here next Wednesday and to call him if we had any question before then looking directly at me, looking, I guess for any insight into what I was thinking. Hell, I didn't even know what I was thinking after all that. I just wanted to go home, have a beer and hold my daughter. Sandy looked at me with a million questions in her eyes, but mine had no answers for her. "Do you want to go out and get a bite to eat?" Sandy asked almost pleading with me. "Not right now, I need time to think and digest what went on today, maybe later. I think I'll just grab Lisa and go home." "Thank you for coming, it meant a lot to me," she said hoping at least for a favorable reaction from me; she got none. "I guess I'd better get going, I still need to fix something for Lisa for dinner," I said with a faint smile. "We'll talk," is all I said as I walked out of the office. 'We'll talk' didn't say when or about what but it did leave me an out. Sandy's parents had already fed Lisa by the time I'd picked her up which was a relief. I wasn't hungry; I must have stared for ten minutes at the opened refrigerator and freezer before closing it. Two Corona's later it was bedtime for Lisa. After two chapters from her favorite story, The Night Before Christmas, it was a kiss on the head and lights out. I now hated the nights. There was nothing of interest on any of the hundred and fifty something channels, well for me anyway. I thought about calling Connie until I looked at the clock and saw it was close to nine-thirty. She had her own life and problems; she didn't need to hear about mine tonight. I thought a shower would relax me but it didn't. I lay in bed doing my best to fall asleep but failing miserably. The last time I looked at my clock it was two-seventeen but the alarm brought me back to reality. Life went on, or I think it did. Work was slow and I found myself taking more than a few afternoons off. I replaced my car with a sportier one; nothing fancy just something new, I needed a change. Lisa and I had dinner with Connie and Debby a couple of times and was happy for her when she said that she and her husband were going to take another shot at it. I talked; she listened and tried to give me a little insight. My only constant was Lisa. I still went to our weekly Wednesday afternoon sessions. Sometimes I talked about where I was at but mostly I just sat there, listened and gave a little feedback if something struck a nerve, and I found that most things did. "Steve, have you had sex with anyone since you and Sandy have been separated?" I shook my head no. "Have you thought about it?" "Yes, I've thought about it a number of times," I replied. "Why haven't you gone ahead then? Would you consider it cheating? Or maybe just satisfying a need," he asked me. "I don't know why I haven't, I guess I haven't given it much thought," I said looking at the two of them. "And I guess technically it would be cheating but at this point I don't have much of a marriage left." I don't know if I said that to hurt Sandy or at least piss her off but it didn't seem to affect her much. There were no more tears, no fidgeting or even an apology anymore; she just looked at me without blinking. "Do you think Sandy cheated on you when she slept with all those men?" I told him yes looking directly at Sandy. "What would you say if I told you that Sandy didn't think she was cheating on you? Don't misunderstand me, she felt it was wrong, it's just that she didn't look at it as cheating." I looked at him first and then at Sandy. "This I've got to hear," I said loudly with a hint of sarcasm as I folded my arms in front of me. "Steve, I look at cheating as going to bed with someone intentionally; planning it and then knowingly doing it behind your back. What I did with all those men wasn't intentional and half the time I didn't even remember doing it. And if you're interested, I have been checked out and remarkably I never caught anything. Look, I didn't plan it; they were just a means to an end. I didn't get any pleasure from it, all I got was money to support my habit; that's all." "That's all? That's all?" I screamed. "You nonchalantly tell me you were selling your body on the street and you don't think it was cheating? What do you call it? A fucking lapse in judgment?" I yelled as Dr. Russell tried to calm me down. "Jesus fucking Christ Sandy aren't you even the littlest bit remorseful? Do you have any idea what it did to me? Do you even fucking care in that spaced out brain of yours?" I guess I kind of lost it but these were things I'd wanted to say forever and I finally got mad enough to say them. I was too angry to even wait for a reply. I stood up and stormed out as Dr. Russell yelled for me to sit down and relax. How High a Price Relax; how the fuck could I relax with the vision of Sandy selling herself on the street stuck in my brain. They were talking like it just happened and for me to just deal with it, no big deal right? Wrong! It was a big deal. I must have driven around the block three times before I went to pick up Lisa. Thank God Sandy wasn't there. Her mother could tell I was agitated so we said as few words as possible. I just grabbed my daughter and headed out. He was right, I needed to relax but that was going to be hard. "Connie, I'm sorry to bother you tonight, but I need you to answer me one question for me will you?" "Sure Steve, but are you all right?" "Not really, but I need to know something. How did you handle your husbands cheating? I mean did you forgive him? Was he sorry?" I said babbling on and on. "He said that he was sorry and that it really wasn't about the actual sex, it was more about how she made him feel. Did I forgive him? As much as I can for now. It's still way too new and raw to say that I totally forgive him. What I did tell him though, was that I was never going to forget what he did to our marriage and me. We may be able to rebuild it, but it'll never be what it once was, he killed that, at least for me. Why do you ask? Has something happened?" "Had a rough counseling session today and I got mad and walked out. I was yelling at Sandy because I had heard enough of the mumbo jumbo bullshit they were throwing at me. My pain was and still is real. Telling me I need to move on and forgive isn't something I'm ready to do just yet." "Take my word for it Steve, it's going to take time. You may eventually get there but you may not. You once told me that it might be a deal breaker. Only you can make that call, but you need to get it all out in the open and it looks like you've started on that path. Good luck is all I can tell you." She told me to call her anytime and if I wanted to go out for a drink just to let her know. "I've got a permanent baby sitter so any night would work for me; because the one thing he now knows, he fucks up once more it's all over but the crying," she said laughing. "And I hate to say it, I'm taking full advantage." "As much as I'd love to, I need to work this out by myself," I told her. She told me not to be a stranger and to let her know what I finally decide. "I'll let you know as soon as I know myself, whenever that was." I missed next week's session. I wasn't ready to face either one of them again just yet. I took Friday and Monday off and Lisa and I went on a mini vacation. We spent a couple of days in a small cabin, on a lake, with no phone, no television or radio to bother us; it was heaven. I spent Tuesday preparing for Wednesday's session. I wrote down the questions I needed answered and knew this time I wouldn't lose it; at least I hoped not. I was thinking about stopping off for a drink before the session but thought better of it; I needed my head screwed on straight today. They both looked at me when I walked in about two minutes late. I guess they weren't sure if I was ever coming back. "I just want to apologize for my outburst last time, I guess I kind of let my anger get the better of me, it won't happen again." "Well, I'm glad you decided to come back and I'd like to talk about a few issues," Dr. Russell started to say before I stopped him. "When we started this a while ago, you asked me to make a list of all the questions I needed answers to. That first night I was a little out of it, but tonight I'd like to finish what we started, if that's all right?" I asked looking at the both of them. "Steve, I'll answer any question as honestly as I can," was her response. So we began. "I'm going to leave the tough one until the end, no use me getting angry and storming out at the beginning of the session," I said to the stone-faced two- some. "That was a joke," I said trying to lighten the mood up slightly. "First question Sandy, how can I ever trust you again? You cheated, lied, stole from us; how can I be sure you won't do it again?" "You can't, at least not yet. Steve, I'm nowhere yet cured and I wouldn't even trust myself a hundred percent, but I am trying as hard as I can. Maybe down the road I can prove to you that I can be trusted again but that'll be your call not mine." "I guess that's a fair answer," I told her. "I know you moved up from grass but for how long and what else were you into?" "I'd say for a solid six months that besides grass there was cocaine, crack, ecstasy and probably six different types of pills. I lost track the last month or two. I did and took whatever I could to get high," she said now getting a little more uneasy as the questions got harder. "Besides your rings and watch, what else of ours did you sell? And is there any way of getting any of them back?" "Steve, I sold them to fences on the street or anyone else who would give me a few bucks. I know a few of them, but they just passed on the stuff so the likelihood of us ever seeing any of it again is almost nil. The silver tea set we got for our wedding is gone, along with your high school ring and if you haven't already noticed, most of your power tools; sorry about that. Excluding the furniture, you put away anything of any real value, thank God, or I would have sold it all." "Did you bring any of your druggie friends into our house and did you have sex in our bed with any of them?" I think I hit a nerve when I saw her wring her hands and take a few deep breaths before answering. "Not a lot but a couple of times," she said as her eyes began to tear up. "Which? Bringing them into the house or sleeping with them in our bed?" "Both Steve. I never planned for it to happen, we just ended up in our bed. You had all ready moved to the spare bedroom so I knew you wouldn't notice. I'm so sorry Steve," she said but I didn't want to stop. I was on a roll and needed to finish my list. "I suspected but at least now I know for sure and can drag that bed and mattress to the curb. Besides the bed, did you do it on any other piece of furniture?" She pause for a minute, I guess she was almost afraid to answer that question. "All right, if that one is too tough, what piece of furniture didn't you soil in our damn house?" Her eyes never met mine as she struggled for the right way to answer that question. "Lisa's bed, the kitchen chairs," and then her voice just trailed off. "I didn't hear you," I said trying to get her to look at me. "What did you say after the kitchen chairs?" "Nothing, I said nothing after the kitchen chairs," she said annoyed that I made her repeat it. "I guess I'm going to need help tonight to clean out our house of most of the fucking furniture." "Steve, you don't need to throw out all your furniture," Dr. Russell tried to tell me. "After knowing what I know now, do you think I could sleep in that bed or sit with Lisa on that couch knowing her mother was rutting with who knows how many men on it. It makes me sick to even think that I've been sleeping in a bed she'd soiled. Did you even have the courtesy to change the sheets when you were done?" I asked fully knowing the probable answer. "I thought not." "I did a lot of horrible unspeakable things I'm not proud of but I'm trying. Damn it I'm trying," she shouted at me. "Steve, let's finish this up. How many more questions do you have left?" Dr. Russell asked me. "Just two more," I replied. "What would you say if I went out and had an affair right now? I guess affair is probably the wrong word to use, so let's just say I know someone who wants to jump my bones. Don't you think I would be justified to go out and screw the hell out of someone for let's say a couple of weeks? I guess you could call it something like a revenge fuck," I said to a now horrified Sandy. Dr. Russell started to say something about doing that would be talking a step backwards, but I stopped him, saying that I wanted to hear what Sandy had to say. I guess she was a little tongue-tied. I watched her start and then stop twice. "I suppose I can see how you'd think I would deserve it, and it might make you feel better for a little bit to get a little revenge on me especially after what I put you through," she said stopping for a brief moment. "But Steve, I think I still know you pretty well, and you'd probably hate yourself afterwards, that is unless you've decided to move on without me. I wouldn't like it, to me it would be cheating and would probably end any chance we have left in trying to rebuild our marriage." "With that said, it leaves me only one question left. Sandy, where do you see yourself going forward and what are you looking for?" I said crumbling up my list and tossing it into the trashcan by the side of his desk. She didn't pause or take a breath but spit it right out. "I want my life back, I don't want my old life back, but a new one with you and Lisa. The old Sandy always had a crutch, but the new Sandy can't afford to have one nor does she want one. I'm not saying it would be easy because of all the hurt I've caused, but I'm willing to do anything for another chance. I'll beg, but I won't sell or lose myself again. I did that once and that's why I'm where I am at today. I'll be the best wife and mother you'll ever find but I'm not perfect and if you're looking for a Stepford wife I'm not your girl. I want an equal partner who will talk to me but will also listen to what I have to say. Steve, I want to grow old with you and play with our grandbabies," she said now openly weeping. "I think that quite enough for today," Dr. Russell said putting away his notes. "I think you have a lot to think about but I want to caution you not to make any rash emotional decisions," he told us. "I expect to see you both here next week," he said looking directly at me so I nodded at him. We walked out together for the first time. "I'll see you at moms," she said getting in her car driving away. I just sat in mine. I had a lot to absorb and Dr. Russell was right, I couldn't afford to make a snap decision; there was too much riding on it not the least of which was Lisa. It was almost forty-five minutes before I finally arrived at Sandy's moms. "I thought you got into an accident when you didn't show up right after me," Sandy said opening the door. "Just needed a little time to clear my head. Lisa ready?" "Just finishing up dinner, you're more than welcome to sit down and have some, there's plenty." "Not really hungry right now, I'll take a rain check though." "Steve, I plan on getting her a new outfit and figure we can do a joint family get together if you don't have any objections." "She all ready has a new outfit. We picked out together a couple of weeks ago but if you want to take her shopping, she'd probably like that." I was glad Lisa bounded into the dining room right after that. I'd talked enough for one day and my brain needed a rest. We said our goodbyes and headed back to the house. Lisa gave me a list of what she wanted for her birthday. I'd better win the lotto is all I could think of. Her party that weekend was tense but nice. Both sets of parents catered to her every need but had little to say to each other. Dad still called Sandy a fucking tramp even though mom had moved on and said everyone makes mistakes and only God should judge. For me, the jury was still out on what I was going to do. Connie and I had just finished dinner and were waiting on dessert. I'm glad you called tonight, all I had was left overs and not much either. I told my husband he could warm them up in the microwave and to make sure Debby was in bed before eight. I kind of toyed with him telling him not to wait up, but I know if I don't come home until four in the morning he'll still be up. However, I do plan on having you smear my lipstick and mess my hair up slightly just to keep him guessing. "Connie, I don't need an angry husband looking for me right now, even though you really look dynamite tonight. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him about tonight, especially when I watched him sneak a few peaks while I got dressed. If you're interested, I'm wearing the tiniest thong they make and I don't even have a bra on; I did that especially for him. Don't worry Steve, I'll tell him, maybe tomorrow," she said with a wicked look in her eye. "From what you've told me, you've both laid your cards on the table, but you still don't need to make any decision yet." "I know, but you're my impartial sounding board and you have recently gone through it. I can't say the situations were identical, but they were similar." "A thousand miles apart. You two are who you are and my husband and I are who we are. I can't tell you what to do other than to tell you to follow your heart but only to a certain degree. If I weren't the forgiving type of person, my divorce would be finalizing in a couple of weeks. I still love the idiot, but I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. He's going to be on a short leash for a hell of a long time and one slipup and it's all over. I had him sign an agreement that if he strays again he gets nothing but gets to pay me alimony and child support; he can't afford to cheat again. We finished our desserts, chocolate of course, and had a drink in the lounge. When the music started I asked her to dance and I did my best not to step on her feet. It felt nice to hold another person in my arms. Her hair smelled great and once I even let my lips brush up against her cheek and neck. When the song stopped Connie looked at me and fanned herself with her hands. "Steve, if you get any hotter I'm going to have to grab a hose and cool us both down. I'd love to take you upstairs and do you myself, but the only thing stopping me is I don't want to be a cheater like my husband. You need a woman and fast before you explode," she said finishing her drink and squeezing my hand. "Come on babes, take me home. I know one guy who's going to get lucky tonight." I'm sorry to say it wasn't me but I did wonder what Connie would be like in bed. I woke Saturday feeling the best I had in a long while. After a full eight hours sleep I felt like I could take the world on, so I tried. "Sandy, it's me," I said cautiously. "If you're not doing anything today, Lisa and I are planning a little outing and wonder if you'd like to come along?" I felt her lips come through the phone and kiss my cheek as Sandy said she'd love to. We went antique shopping. There was an old section of town, filled with shops that catered to antiques and restorations. It was only three blocks long but still had about twenty shops lined up on both sides of the road. The ride was quiet until Lisa decided to ask her mom when she was moving back home and why didn't she like living with her and daddy. I said nothing awhile listening to Sandy try to explain how mommy was sick and needed to get well before she came home. I really wasn't looking for anything in particular, I just needed an excuse to see her and try a casual family outing. How it happened I'm not sure. Whether it was Sandy or I initiating it, or it just happened because that's what we'd done forever; but it still happened. We were walking down one side of the street, looking in the windows when I felt it. It was warm, smooth and oh so soft. I looked down and then saw her eyes in the window as we both realized we were walking and holding hands. I guess my initial reaction was to pull away but I didn't and she didn't either. Neither one of us said a word as we watched Lisa press her nose to the glass looking at an old doll resting on a small rocking chair. "Can we go in?" she asked. "Sure honey," I said as she bolted inside finding her way to the widow display. It wasn't a doll to play with but one you'd put on display, especially at five hundred and fifty dollars. While she looked at it, an upright dresser caught my eye. It wasn't huge and gaudy like most were, more smallish with detailed engraving; it was beautiful. I opened it, and got a whiff of that old musty smell antiques often have. I looked at the sales tag, fifteen hundred dollars. We walked around the shop looking at everything but really nothing, I was more aware of what our hands were doing than what was around us. We hit two more shop before stopping at a café for a light lunch. Lisa wanted that doll, but I let her mother do the dirty work of telling her no because it was too expensive. We strolled through a shop with old refurbished doors; another with fireplace mantels and stair railings and finally a stained glass window shop, her hand never left mine. I don't know if it was a big deal to her, but it was a huge one to me. By now Lisa was tired of walking, getting a little cranky and it was way past naptime. I didn't ask, or say a word; I just drove to our house. Lisa had fallen asleep in her car seat so I carried her up to her bedroom and laid her down. We shut the door, leaving it open just a crack. Sandy looked in both the master bedroom and spare room but said nothing. We went into the kitchen and I got us both a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She glanced around paying particular attention to the living room but still said nothing; there was nothing to say, the rooms were void of any furniture. "I had a nice time today," she said smiling. "I'd forgotten what it was like to do something together as a family." I smiled but didn't say anything. I took a sip of water and watched her eyes try to make her feeling known. I didn't stop her when she reached out for my hand, nor did I breath when she pressed her forehead to mine and whispered that she was sorry. Sorry, that word had no meaning for me anymore. Everyone was sorry. She was sorry for doing it, me for having it done to me, her parents and mine; even the fucking shrink. Everyone was sorry but what good was that anymore? We talked; we touched until Lisa woke up from her nap. I took us all out for dinner, not Chucky Cheese for once, and we finished up the night in front of her parent's house. I gave her a kiss on the cheek. I don't know if she expected more, but that's all I had in me at the time. It was time to move on one way or another. Staying where I was now was not working for me any longer. It was Wednesday, two weeks after our last session. Sandy and Dr. Russell were talking about some bullshit item when I spoke up. "I want to give it another shot. I want to sell the house, move some where else and try again," All right, I guess it shocked the hell out of them. I kind of expected Sandy to get all excited and jump for joy but she just sat there stunned. They both looked at me. "Steve," he said in his low monotone voice that now made me want to scream at him, " I thought we talked about not making any emotional decisions and how we all needed time..." is all I let him get out before I stopped him. "I can't do this any longer. I know what you're saying but it's not working for me. The house is going whether Sandy and I are together or not, that's a given. But I just can sit around week after week, month after month wondering if we'll ever get back together again. Hell, I know I'm taking a chance but I'm done, I can't go on another couple of months like this; I am moving ahead with or without her, I owe that much to myself." "Steve, maybe we should setup some guidelines going forward," Dr. Russell said frantically making notes all the while looking at us. "Well?" I said looking at Sandy. "Steve, I'm scared. At mom's if I lose it, it's just me. Now you're asking for something I don't know if I'm ready for. Maybe in a month or two," she said now pleading with me. "Sandy I don't have two months left in me. He said we'd have a better chance making it together than apart and I'm will to take that chance. We may try and fail miserably in a month or two, but I'm willing to take that chance. All I know is that I still feel something for you and I'm willing to give it my best shot; but I can't do it with you across town hiding away." How High a Price She looked at me than Dr. Russell and then back at me before saying yes. We spent the next two Wednesdays talking about guidelines, limits and boundaries. I didn't know moving back in together would be so hard. We all agreed that it couldn't happen in our existing house because of what had taken place there, so we went house hunting. The one we found was smaller, not as new but near a school for Lisa. It was vacant and with a little paint it would work out just fine. We priced our house right so it sold quickly in just two weeks. Thank God our payments were going to be about the same because we needed a lot on new furniture especially beds. Our parents together gave us a new bedroom set for a house-warming gift and we picked up just a cheap bed and dresser for the tiny spare room. We found a good second hand couch and chair. By the end of the week we were about ready. Dr. Russell cautioned us over and over again about every facet telling us not to have lofty expectations and to take it a day at a time; and he was more right than we thought. The first night was like throwing two total strangers and a child into a place and telling them to act normal. What was normal anymore? Our eyes never left one another as we played the roles of a happy family without a script. Each of us were going out of their way to make sure what we said or did was right and when something went wrong we each waited for the explosion. We slept together, but didn't sleep. We both waited for exhaustion to take charge of our bodies and force us to sleep. There was hand holding, guarded touching but little else. Maybe Dr. Russell was right, maybe it was too soon. "Steve, I've got to go to the store do you need anything?" "No, Lisa and I are going to attempt to straighten out the basement." "I'll be back in about twenty five minutes," she said as she headed out. An hour and a half later a frantic and crying Sandy raced into the house. "There was an accident and I didn't have my phone. I tried to get someone to give me their phone so I could call you but I guess I was a little wild and people were moving away from me," she said as she babbled on for another ten minutes before I stopped her. "It's ok, relax." "I said twenty minutes and when I didn't get back I didn't want you to think I was doing something I shouldn't or with someone," she said openly crying grabbing for me. "I'm so sorry," she cried with her head buried in my shoulder holding me so tight I thought the blood would stop flowing to my brain. We stayed that way for the better part of a half hour. I said nothing; I just held her and I think that was what she really needed. Her eyes were red, the little makeup she'd had on was long gone and the front of her shirt and my shoulder were soaked from her tears. "I didn't want you to wonder what I was doing," she sniffled. "I want you to be able to trust me again," she said wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. "To tell you the honest to God truth, I didn't even know how long you were gone. Lisa and I got busy and forgot about the time ourselves. If it wasn't for you stomping in, we never would have known you weren't here." "I'm so sorry." "Stop, stop it right there, enough of the sorries. I know you're sorry and I don't need to hear it every time anything goes wrong. If we have any chance of making it, we're going to have to stop walking on eggshells around one another. If something happens, I'm not going to throw my hands up, go storming out of the house and leave you and Lisa. If that were the case I'd been gone months ago. We both need to rebuild our trust in one another. I'm not saying it's going to be easy and sure as hell isn't going to happen over night, but we both need to work on it. Ok?" A sniffle and nod yes is what I got. We had a BBQ on the patio. Nothing elaborate, but tasty nonetheless. By eight o'clock Lisa was dead asleep and I was finishing up outside. I was exhausted; it had been quite a day. Sandy was wiping off the counters and had just started the dishwasher as I came in. "Why don't we call it a night?" I said walking up to her and taking her hand; there was still electricity in her touch. Sandy wasn't the wide-eyed wild child I'd fallen in love with and married. She was now a lot more reserved; more laid back and a lot more cautious. Her hair was shorter, she'd put back on the weight she'd lost but her eyes still sparkled when they met mine. When we had initially gotten back together her eyes were sunken in and there wasn't much life in them. She was like a caged cat reacting to any and everything around her. Gradually, she started coming back down. Finally, anxiety gave way to confidence and sadness turned into tenderness. The first few nights in bed awkward at best. When we would brush up against one another it was like being stuck with a white-hot poker. Neither one of us knew how to proceed or what to expect. It wasn't until about seven days later, when we woke up in each other's arms that we moved forward. The bruises and scars were gone but she still hit her nakedness from me preferring to dress and undress in the bathroom. It wasn't until I joined her in the shower that we took the next step. I picked the locked bathroom door, undressed quietly and slipped into the back of the shower. I had wanted to surprise her but I guess I wasn't as quiet as I thought I was. "Well Mr. Moore, where did you learn to pick a lock like that? Should I be worried that this is going to be a common place occurrence?" "You can bet on that," I said pulling her to me kissing her softly at first before she almost swallowed my lips and tongue. I wanted to try it in the shower but she had other ideas. Shutting off the water she dragged me to our bed, still dripping wet, and literally took me body and soul. We screwed the first time, which lasted all of two minutes. Hell, I'd lasted twice that long even my very first time but after not doing in for months we were more than a little ready. The second time was a lot slower and more methodical. I ate her until she climaxed twice while she nearly sucked off the head of my dick as I fingered her to another. Nothing had changed; it still fit like a velvet glove. I didn't pound her ass from behind while she cried out for me to fuck her harder. We just did it with me on top with her legs wrapped tightly around me. I held both of her hands and kissed her as we met each other's strokes. I didn't hear her but felt her climax that final time, both of us looking into each other's eyes. I rolled over, pulled her in close and we never moved for the rest of the night. Tonight though it was different. She'd had her first anxiety attack in a long time and just need a little reassurance that it was all right. I waited for her in bed; she came to me dressed in a Winnie The Poo oversized tee shirt. She slipped into the bed and kissed me. I could taste the toothpaste and mouth wash along with the sweet night cream she always put on her face. She didn't say a word, just moved in close to me. She put her back against my chest, wrapped my arm around her and pushed her butt into my crotch. We lay that way until my arm fell asleep. It's been almost five months since we moved back in with one other. It seems to be working but we're still in the honeymoon stage and are still avoiding a lot of the issues we need to address. We see Dr. Russell every other week and we still have some heated arguments and the tears still flow. Lisa is in school and Sandy is working part time in a framing shop up the street. She probably calls me way too much, but I guess I'd rather have that than the opposite. I guess the big question is whether I think we're going to make it; the jury's still out on that one. Most of the time I'd say yes, but every once in a while my brain takes me back and makes me look at the images I want to forget or at least keep buried deep down inside. She's not a hundred percent cured and neither am I. So we take it day by day and try to grow-up a little at a time. Connie and her husband didn't make it but she assures me that we have something she and her ex didn't, two totally committed people working at a marriage instead of just one. How High A Price: A Sequel How High A Price – A Sequel -- “The Seduction” This is a sequel to ‘the Troubador’s’ original story “How High A Price” it is very important to the understanding of this story that you read his story first. It is with his permission that I submit my ending to his fine work. “My heart weeps with sadness and pain for those who have endured the betrayal, and leaps with joy for those who have overcome it.” (PML) Susan spent the rest of Saturday when she wasn’t crying or thinking, in the grip of a fitful, restless sleep. Even when she closed her eyes all she could see was Early, his face streaked with tears, all she could hear was his strong voice now reduced to fearful whispers. “Oh God “ she cried out, “What have I done?” “Why?” The question haunted her... Early had asked her to explain, “To tell him about it, make him understand what happened?” The only thing she could blubber out in answer to his question was “that she was repaying John for everything he had done for her.” Those words echoed inside her mind, only now they had a degrading, bitter taste to them deep within her, how could she have let this happen? Susan went into the bathroom and took yet another shower. Her third today, but no matter how hard she scrubbed, she couldn’t get her guilt or the stench and foulness of ‘That Man’s’ touch to come clean. While Susan let the hot water fall heavily on her head and shoulders easing the muscle aches from her crying, she tried to remember, what had brought her to this very desolate and humiliating place in her life? John Stickner had come to the firm five years before; he was well respected in the field of corporate law. Fifty two years old, 6’1”, 188 lbs, silver and black hair, sky blue eyes, sporting a trim, toned body many men in their twenties would be proud to have. He was a natural conversationalist and a good listener, who Susan had found to be friendly and pleasant. She also noted that to his credit he had kept a professional distance between the two of them when he was introduced and learned that she was married. Susan had heard the stories, the whispered gossiping that is flung around offices on a regular basis; he was tagged as a ladies man, a gamer, and even a predator. Susan who had refused to get involved with the gossip mills had realized years ago that gossip is for the most part; 50% exaggeration, 50% self delusion, and 50% fact. So just like her percentages, it never seemed to add up and she refused to listen. Then suddenly six months ago the first week of January, Mr.Stickner had started to stop by Susan’s office, he would discuss work related issues and slowly digress to chit-chat; family, world events, sports anything that came up in conversation. He was always very interested in what she had to say; it was very flattering to her. These daily interactions continued for three weeks, even though Jennifer had told Susan in private she didn’t like Mr. Stickner’s new friendliness, Susan thanked her secretary, and friend for her concern and forgot about it. Then the 2nd week of February Susan overheard John talking to Mr. Jenson the Firm’s Senior Partner and CEO, John said: “ I feel Susan Early is more than ready for a Junior Partnership/ Vice President Position, she is a skilled, extremely sharp, capable Attorney with a hawk like attention to detail, and a consummate professional demeanor.” Mr. Jenson replied “Hmm, your not the only senior executive who has noticed her outstanding work for us. Have my secretary Margie, put her name on the agenda for the end of the month Executive Steering Committee Meeting.” “I’ll do that Mr. Jenson, Thanks for listening,” John responded. Susan remembered being stunned, and then feeling elated and overjoyed. She had long ago concluded that her opportunity for a Partnership had passed her by, and then out of the blue her shattered dream is miraculously resurrected! When John dropped by to see her the next day, she fumbled all over herself trying to thank him for his trust and faith in her specifically for his recommendation to Mr. Jenson. She gushed, “John I don’t even begin to know how to thank you?” John had gently replied, “Susan you have earned every bit of the recommendation I submitted you for; you are a brilliant, witty, decisive and hard working part of this Firm, as well as a beautiful and extremely sexy lady,” he winked. Although taken aback by his compliment, she just stared at him with a whimsical look on her face. John skillfully caught her gaze, with a tender look and a caring smile and continued “ Even though I don’t think you need to thank me…” he paused just long enough to emphasize his point. “… If you must, I’m sure you’ll think of something very special to share with me as a personal thank you!” He then took her hand and kissed it, “until tomorrow then,” he said, turning as he exited her office. Susan realized from that very first day John mentioned the “thank you” she found herself thinking about how to thank him in a very special way, something personal they both could share. The knot in Susan’s stomach expanded in size turning like a knife as she realized in horror, He had planted that thought there! The memories began to assail her mind; from then on anytime they parted company privately he would coyly almost offhandedly ask her “Have you thought up any special way to thank me for all I’ve done for you yet, My Susan?” then chuckle like it was a joke. He was reinforcing the suggestion, keeping it fresh in her mind, and allowing her to think of it constantly. Her Daddy who was a Dairy Farmer would have said he was ensuring she was ruminating on it. To her utter shame, she realized how excited the “My Susan” had made her feel, “I passed it off as harmless flirting, I kept denying the feelings that were building up in me for him. But, I even started dressing in clothes and colors that he complimented me on when I wore something he liked, even started using the bath oils and perfumes he bought for me.” The excitement of the relationship over the proceeding few months had already worked it’s magic by the middle of April. Susan recalled the events of the last few months the color ebbing from her tear streaked face; the stolen touches in the office, the fleeting glances and warm special smiles, coffee breaks for two, long quiet lunches, and even a dinner now and then. She hung her head, she hadn’t thought anything about the attention, harmless flirting she had convinced herself. John had been so easy to talk to and he always was interested in her opinion; her feelings, he had made her feel so important, so cared for. During the private times in their offices or when they were dinning, she talked to John about anything and everything, hopes, dreams, wishes; the kind of things she had only ever shared before with Early. These memories of her own betrayal of the companionship and intimate secrets she had divulged, were more painful to her than the physical portion of the affair, and that portion had her so sick she wanted to throw-up. Susan opened the glass door and stepped out of the shower, mechanically drying off she slipped into her full-length robe. The realization of her own willing complicity in the whole situation made her reel, her head hurt and her heart ached, she experienced extreme pain unlike anything she could imagine. She looked at the brightly colored leaf design she and Early had spent weeks painting the Master bathroom last fall, even with the sun shinning through the big skylight, their normally cheerful colors were subdued and pale, in the wretched gloom her actions had brought to their home. She sat on the side of the bed and cried, “My god I’ve been a fool,” she sobbed. A few minutes later she calmed down, she found herself thinking out loud, “Now I see, to fight the increasing guilt that I was feeling I compartmentalized Early and John, I made love to Early more often and with more passion than I had for a while. I was doting on him more, I still love only him and I’m showing it, so everything is all right. All the while allowing John to pull on my heartstrings, consenting to his desired changes in me that were intimate in nature, when I should have only been changing for Early.” Then on March 3rd I was given the Promotion and title of Vice President, a One-year probationary position designed to groom someone for Junior or Full Partner. Susan thought “ I was so happy, I was even allowed to get Jennifer promoted as my executive secretary. Life was good. The promotion came with the added bonus, now John and I were now in direct contact with each other 5-6 hours a day as we worked on unbelievable headache causing accounts, projects, and clients together.” In the middle of April, Mr. Jensen the senior Partner gave me a team of four Attorney’s, six Paralegal’s and three Accountant’s, then turned over the Melrose Account to my team. Inside of three weeks I was in deep trouble, late hours, the whole team was overwhelmed, there was no way out I could see. Then like a knight in shinning armor, John came to my rescue; he quickly showed me the problem areas, how to move around or through the legal issues, everything I needed to complete the troublesome account on time and under budget. My dream was still intact only because of John’s intervention. To accomplish the miracle turn around he and I spent 15 –20 hours a week after hours for a full six weeks basically alone with each other, touching hands, sitting almost in each others laps, our actions were out of line in the context of a professional work relationship. These cumulative interactions were having a profound effect on me, and on Friday night a week ago we put the final touches on the project about 8:30pm. As I packed up to go home John looked at me and asked, “Would you come into my office for just a moment? I want to show you something?” I walked over to him and he put his arm around me, I was a bit confused as we moved towards the huge triple bay window that looked out over the city of Seattle. I was getting very excited and so nervous. I felt like I had many years ago in High School when a guy I had a crush on started to pay attention to me, or better yet would ask me out; it was exhilarating, my heart was pounding so hard. I have always been a sucker for a romantic interlude, so when John touched a control pad and the blinds rose to the ceiling and the lights in the office automatically turned off, I was enraptured. There laid out before me was Seattle’s skyline, only this was a view I had never seen before. The buildings with their twinkling lights shown like little fireflies, the Space Needle and Mt. Rainer were all bathed in the deep orange and red hues of the last fleeting moments of sunset. The moon was full, just beginning its accent into the night sky casting a gentle romantic light over the entire scene; it was truly a magical moment. Susan remembered resting her head on John’s chest as he held her for what seemed like ages as they each stood and starred at the city. John casually looked down as if to ask her something, she lifted her head to look at him full in the face; he looked her in the eyes as a slow insinuating half smile spread across his face. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled and said, “You are so sexy, so very, very beautiful My Susan,” her mouth went dry, and her knees went weak, as she starred up at him. He moved his face towards her, almost imperceivably then stopped and moved back away. Susan lost in the moment reached up with her free arm, slipped her hand behind his neck, and pulled him to her. Their lips met and at the touch of the forbidden fruit, lust and passion held in check these many weeks, erupted to the surface much like a volcano spewing hot molten lava. They were soon locked in a deep embrace both of their tongues exploring the other’s mouth in a sensual, arousing dance that left them breathless. Every touch of a hand on each other’s face, each movement of their mouths or flick of the other’s tongue sent explosive electric shockwaves through their bodies. After the long sensual exchange, Susan moved her head back and looked up at John again, his eyes were at the same time warm, gentle, and inviting, and a tidal wave of lust and passion, aching to pleasure her. At that moment she knew…. she knew how she wanted to thank him, how he deserved to be thanked by her, this had nothing to do with Early or her marriage, this was something she had to do for John. Still holding each other tightly in a lover’s first embrace Susan said “I’m free from next Thursday morning until Saturday morning at 9:00, can you take off work?” “Yes,” John replied almost breathlessly. “Good,” she said,” I know how I want to thank you, but just for two days then never again.” Susan’s Lawyer side kicked into gear justifying her decision in her own mind, “If I only do this the one time it’s really not cheating on Early, I will just be thanking John for what he has repeatedly done for me.” John’s expression took on a look of serious concern, he asked her, “Are you sure?” “You should know now that I do so desperately desire you, and want to show you physically how I feel about you…but I…” The guilt that rose up in her at hearing that question, pounded into her consciousness and into her message center filling her with terror, “NO! Run you fool, Early, Remember…” John must have realized he was losing her, because suddenly he was kissing her again and his tongue seeking hers sent that tidal wave of lust she had seen in his eyes only moments before cascading through her body. This time when she broke off she looked him straight in the eyes, all other thoughts vanished, only her newfound lust and passion for this man remained. Susan said “Thursday, 9:00am, your place, be there and be ready for two days of a very personal thank you that we both can share, for all that you have done for me.” John answered, “Yes my Susan, Thursday indeed.” Susan shivered involuntarily at his use of his endearing term for her, then lightly kissed him on the lips, broke from their embrace, turned and walked off. She had seen something that bothered her a little as she left, the lust in his eyes still burned strong but it seemed tainted, almost like the lust a predator has as it goes for the kill. John now had an arrogant almost victorious smile on his face; Susan passed the look off as nothing to be concerned about, then she headed to the door. When she arrived at the door John said “Susan,” she spun around and faced him her hair flying, she knew that move made her look wild and sexy. “You best be ready also,” he said. Susan blew him a kiss, “Oh I am,” she answered, and then turned, gathered her belongings and went home. Arriving home, Susan found Early asleep in his chair in front of the TV, she woke him up and said, “Hi, I’m home honey, we finally finished the Melrose mess.” Early, in a very groggy voice responded, “That’s great baby we’ll celebrate tomorrow, and talk some about it, Okay?” Susan said “that will be fine,” and kissed him, brought him upstairs put him in bed and covered him up, he fell back to sleep when his head hit the pillow. Susan undressed and showered, she fought with herself over some conflicting thoughts and emotions, but in the end her pride and her almost consuming need to thank John for all he had done, what he had saved for her won out. She crawled into bed next to Early and slept hard until 10:00am the next morning. Susan made sure Early got a great send off for his business trip over the next day and a half. She relieved her sexual tension repeatedly with Early even on Sunday morning before she dropped him off at the airport. On the way home, Susan stopped at the mall, picking up some special, very sexy intimate items at Victoria Secrets she gathered her purchases and headed back home to pack an over-night bag and tucked it away in her car. Susan called Jennifer into her office first thing Monday morning and explained the Melrose project was complete finally, and since Jennifer had been so helpful and had worked so late so many nights with little or no notice, Susan was giving her Thursday and Friday off with pay as compensation. Jennifer was ecstatic, as her husband would be able to take off also and they could go camping or something. The insinuating smile on the younger woman’s face at the mention of her husband got both women blushing and giggling. The rest of the week flew by, Susan had agreed to a suggestion John had made to her in a phone call he had made to her Sunday evening. He said, “ Why don’t we keep away from each other this week as a way to increase the anticipation?” Susan had smiled at the comment; “Okay, I like that idea!” came her almost breathless reply. Thursday morning when she arrived John had met her at the front door of his huge stately Manor. She remembered thinking about the ivy that covered the front of the house. The way it covered the house from the ground to the roof of the second floor reminded her of the Victorian Homes she had seen while interning for a solicitors office in England after her 2nd year of Law School. John was at the front door looking her over as she walked up to the door, a slow insinuating smile spread across his face, as he nodded his approval. “My god you look so beautiful, I don’t remember you ever looking more radiant or sexy” he was almost moaning as he spoke. Susan smiled a full deep smile at the compliment. The dress she had picked out was a short light blue-green sleeveless cotton blend; a small collar drew the eyes downward to a rapidly plunging neckline that fully exposed her ample cleavage. The dress, which was almost mini-shirt length, rode high on her thigh, highlighting her sexy, well-toned legs, while the fabric hugged and accented the sensual grace of her trim 5’5” 120 pound body. “Why thank you kind sir,” then she slowly whirled around and coming full circle she stopped, the sun highlighting her long, deep rich brown hair moving with a life of it’s own, her brown eyes caught his gaze, she asked coyly, “Do you really like what you see?” Holding her arms away from her body, she opened her hands, offering him a full look at her beautiful body. The lust that shown from his eyes said it all, but he still responded. “Susan, this is a very special time for just the two of us to share together, you are the perfect picture of loveliness, and please come in.” He had an almost victorious smile on his face as he closed the door behind her and quietly locked it after she entered. After John closed his front door behind her, Susan’s heart and mind was caught in a maelstrom of conflicting emotions that continued through early Saturday morning. There were brief periods of unfettered passion, lust, and physical pleasure; followed by gut wrenching periods of guilt. Especially just before and after their first encounter John took her, she had almost left him sleeping and gone home. Her shame had reached unbearable levels. John had awakened just before she started to get up, and he was able to distract her a short time later. She did not give herself to him, he would take her when his desire peaked, and she was almost a disassociated participant both days. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy things; she was just constantly waging war in her own mind and could not get anywhere near emotionally involved. John was skilled at knowing a woman’s needs and wants, but whether it was her own inability to give herself to him or the robotic, almost scripted way he went through his sexual interaction, she never was satisfied. He controlled the ebb and flow of each episode, making a special effort to draw her attention to the fact that he was taking time to meet her needs first. Doing so in a manner that left Susan feeling more like an appetizer than the main course. How High A Price: A Sequel When he would get to the point of actual intercourse it was all about him, he would go wild, bucking and thrusting in an almost maniac frenzy, but he was never prolonged. Every entanglement ended the same way, John would reach his orgasm, tell her how great that was, give her a peck on the lips roll off of her on to his side facing away from her and go to sleep for 2-3 hours. By Friday morning Susan realized that, truth be told, Early was both noticeably more graciously endowed, and had a much longer stamina, but the excitement of the relationship and the newness of their coming together drove her to continue. Thursday evening Susan had begun to worry that her rendezvous had been discovered when she couldn’t get Early at his hotel, she had been told he had checked out, she had called to talk to him while John slept after their evening interlude. She finally contacted Early on his cell phone, it seemed the company he was negotiating with moved him to their site, and so her secret was still safe. She was upset that she had to lie to her husband but he just wouldn’t understand why she had to thank John this way, after everything he had done for her and her career. Besides, if Early didn’t know, things would be fine for everyone. The last time they had sex was Friday evening, so Saturday even though John had tried to motivate her for one last time, she had rebuffed him, “I told you two days only,” kissed him showered and got dressed and left around 9:30am. As she made her way home she was thinking to herself, “I’ll make Early’s favorite supper and dessert tomorrow. I need to clean up, she thought giggling to herself but once my man gets home I’m going to ravish him; for the rest of the weekend,” she smiled. Everything’s back to the way it was before. For some reason she started thinking about a close friend of hers who had confided in Susan years ago, after her own affair. She said,” Susan, don’t ever try it, don’t even think about it, no one has any idea just how high a price they will be required to pay when it comes to light, and it will come to light. You will be required to pay every last dime of the bill when it is presented.” Her friend eventually lost her marriage, both of her kids, her home, and was even let go from her job. Well, Susan thought as she opened the door to her own house, you only get the bill if you get caught, then went inside. Susan lay awake sometime late Saturday night or early Sunday morning, the tears just kept coming and the pain was so intense she thought she would pass out. She had listened to Early, a few hours ago in the other room as he cried out his pain. She prayed for a chance, a miracle second chance to show him, prove to him, that it was him she loved, him she wanted, and him that she needed as her husband. Her own words of the last two nights haunted her, “It will be very lonely in that big bed without you,” it was far lonelier, alone in that bed than she could have ever imagined. She rolled over and faded off into a troubled sleep. She awoke to the smell of coffee brewing, her body was sore, her mind was numb, and her heart ached. Climbing out of bed, she made her way to the bathroom, after she took a quick shower and was drying off, she noticed a cup of coffee on her bedside stand, and she smiled. Then looking at the bedroom, much to her dismay, she realized the king sized bed had been broken down and removed. Early was working on the two full sized bed frames he had purchased apparently sometime that morning. Susan looked out the bedroom door and into the spare room across the hall, stood the disassembled pieces of their bed leaning against the wall. Now a stark visual reminder of the excruciatingly painful changes that had been made in their lives. The separation of their sleeping space had always been the ultimate taboo for both of them. She suddenly understood as the new beds were being brought in and assembled just how close to loosing him she was. That thought shriveled her soul, what had her pride, her all consuming desire to get ahead done? She watched as Early finished the assembly of the beds, it was breaking his heart to separate their bodies like this and she knew it. She watched him as his body shook and tears fell unashamedly from his face, but he forced himself to complete his task. By late afternoon Susan had the clothes washed and put away for the week, the intimate apparel properly disposed of in the garbage. She also had made up the new beds, every time she looked at them she prayed, “Please God, a second chance.” Both she and Early were in the kitchen cleaning up when the doorbell rang. Early said, “I’ll get it.” As he walked up to the door Early quietly looked through the peephole, it was John Stickner. Early shook involuntarily, turned without answering the door and returned to the kitchen, he said, ”Susan, John Stickner is here, do you want to see him?” Susan who was lost in her own turmoil at his question, thought about it for a moment then nodded her head yes. Early stayed in the kitchen out of sight, but where he could still hear the conversation. He realized exactly how angry he was as Susan walked passed him to get the door, she was obviously not happy either. Answering the door on the third ring Susan spoke so abruptly it took John by surprise, “John, what are you doing here?” she snapped, the irritation in her voice clearly evident. John backed down the two stairs mumbling, “I was getting worried you didn’t answer your cell phone voice mails that I left?” Susan who was clearly upset said, “Correct John I didn’t answer, and I won’t ever again, I never want to see or hear from you again. Early came home unexpectedly, Thursday evening he knows everything.” John’s eyes grew large, “ He didn’t harm you in anyway did he?” “No!” Susan spat back, “unlike you, he loves me too much, and is also too much of a gentleman for that!” She drew a deep breath and continued, “You and I caused all the hurt, my foolishness has all but crushed him!” “Yesterday I thought through the last six months, and all your little games.” Susan was now so mad she was shaking as she attacked the man who had so callously provoked and manipulated her into willfully violating her wedding vows. “Oh, you are very good, planting that idea about the special thank you, something we both can share, and it was a masterful stroke. All this time I thought you were helping me out of concern for me, for our friendship, for the Firm, it was all a ruse to get into my head so you could get me into your bed. I feel cheapened, dirty, and the sight of you absolutely disgusts me.” John Stickner’s whole countenance changed, his eyes grew narrow almost slits, his mouth drew out into a nasty snarl, he faced Susan starring directly into her eyes. “I was honestly amazed at how easy you were, but in my experience over the years I have found women with low self esteem, or in long term relationships are the easiest. You girls with long-term partners become so comfortable with your situation you let your defenses down, you’re used to allowing your Mrs. to fend off unwanted advances.” His smile was now more of a grin an adult shows a child when teaching them a lesson they won’t soon forget, as he continued his rebuttal. “ Oh you may blame me, but in truth My Susan, you desired your dream to become a Partner, to be a success, more than your marriage, more than your husband.” John allowed a silent pause to highlight his point, and then continued. “You thought your dream had passed you by, but in February I saw it in your eyes, you were willing to give up anything to achieve that goal, you were so willing to thank me!” Susan now was trembling at the revelation of her own selfish desires. John turned to go then almost as an afterthought looked back at Susan and said, “If you want to stay in the V.P. position you covet so, or move on to a Partnership past the one-year point, then you’ll continue to share your very special thank you’s with me on a regular basis, until I tell you differently.” Susan stood in her doorway stunned at the cold-hearted arrogance of the man in front of her. His face had drawn back in a haughty now very obvious smile of victory. He had the same smile on his face a week ago in the office and four days ago when she showed up at his house. It had all been a trap, and she had walked in and placed her head and neck in the executioner’s noose herself. Susan knew at that moment he had played her like a fiddle, exposing a weakness not even she herself had been fully aware of, she stood and looked at him in numb silence. John turned and paused sarcastically saying to her, “ See you in the morning… Lover,” he blew her a kiss, went to his car and left. She closed the door fell to her knees wrapped her arms around her stomach and cried. Early had stayed in the kitchen long enough to hear Susan say it had been John who had put the; you owe me a special thank you in Susan’s head, and that John had said she was an easy game. Early made a mental note after the last comment, that shot would come back to haunt John Stickner. As Early took his tea and went outside onto the porch, a small light suddenly burst forth in the blackness that was Early’s soul…. Hope had made its presence known. He tried to focus but the events of the last four days still had his mind in a whirlwind, his emotional state was tenuous at best, “ Ok” Early said to himself “focus.” He pictured Susan at her sister’s anniversary party last summer. How she looked, how she smelled, the touch of her lips, the gentle sway of her hips as they had danced to all those old 70’s songs and had so much fun. They even walked around the community lake sharing all kinds of things, serious, funny or just plain silly. He heard Susan’s voice; “Early, Early”, the memory faded and the pain came rushing back. Opening his eyes, he was looking into Susan’s terror filled eyes. “Please!” her voice chocked with emotion struck his consciousness, “ Please, tell me what your thinking.” Early looked at his wife, despite all that the last 96 hours had done to him mentally, emotionally, and physically; she was still his wife and he still loved her, no matter what, for better or worse, and he could think of nothing worse than this. Early said, “my whole adult life, whenever I’ve had an issue, a problem, some confusion, or an anger point with people or things. No matter how mixed up, unfair, heated or emotional the situation, I could always go talk to my counselor, my consort, my caregiver, my lover and my best friend, I could talk to my wife.” He took a deep breath fighting back tears, “and in a few short hours they have all been forcibly stripped away from me. I have never felt more confused or alone in my life.” Susan was kneeling next to him, “I am so sorry my love for what I have done, I want to come back to you, to us, to bring all those people back to you, to me,” she whispered. “I will do anything for as long as it is necessary to heal the wound I so heartlessly inflicted in you, our relationship, our marriage, and myself. I’m begging you please give me the chance. I do love you, I love you so very much, despite what you believe right now.” Early said nothing, his heart had just done a flip-flop, she had said the magic words, and he could see in her eyes, and tell by her touch, her voice, that she was telling the truth. “I want to make this work, I want to come home, and I love you so much.“ Taking a deep breath, sunlight had just broken through the raging storm inside of him, and quieted the desperate cry of his heart, she was still his, and he sat starring at Susan not fully comprehending. Susan waited for Early to answer her for a long time, nothing! She stood, “I have some things I need to type up, I’ll talk to you later,” squeezing his hand she went to the French doors to go inside. As she touched the handle to turn it, Early gently touched her shoulder; startled Susan jumped, which caused Early shout in surprise. “Early!” Susan almost shouted, “You scared me half to death,” she touched her hand to her chest and exhaled forcefully. “Sorry,” he replied he took both of her hands in his, a look of contentment slowly spread across his face, she gave him a weak smile back. Then he took a chance and said, ” I agree!” Susan, waited to process that comment for a moment, then allowed her lawyer side to come out, “agree to what?” she asked. Early smiled at that comment which was so much her lawyer side; he also noted how good it felt to smile again. He spoke firmly and with all the resolve, he could muster. “ I agree that I believe your telling me the truth; that you want to come back to me, to our relationship, our marriage, that you want to make this work and will do whatever is necessary to work this out. I also believe that you still love me, and I reciprocate those feelings.” “However, we and our marriage are very sick, and despite the hope you have put back in my heart, all of it could still crumble in front of us,” Early chocked back-unexpected tears. Susan pulled her hands free, grabbed her husband, wrapped her arms around him, and buried her head in his chest. Early clutched her back for a moment out of reflex, then out of desire, holding onto each other like a drowning man would a life ring. Susan whispered in a voice thick with tears, “If you’ll just hold on to the little bit of faith and hope, my selfishness has left us, I’ll find us the right doctor.” Early stroked Susan’s hair, he replied, “There are a couple of things you need to do for me…for us, this week,” he stated. Susan replied, “Okay, Early, whatever it is I’ll do it.” “First you cannot ever see John Stickner again, outside of a controlled professional setting,” he said. Susan nodded and said, “I took care of that issue a few minutes ago.” Early replied, “I know, but I had to express it to you.” He continued, “I also need you to look around for the names of some reputable marriage counselors, as will I, we will compare notes on Wednesday night and decide on who we will start therapy with.” Susan nodded her head yes. “You also need to go to your doctor, have her check you over, head to toe, even with a condom you aren’t 100% protected.” Susan felt his body tremble at the mention of her having sex with John, and it broke her heart, she whispered, “Early I’ll get checked!” Susan’s mind was now reeling, what if he has a disease. I was so caught up in my own foolishness, so used to loving Early; protection never crossed my mind. He could have HIV and I was his willing receptacle. Early’s voice brought her back to the present, “Lastly, you need to go in earlier than normal tomorrow and tell Mr. Jenson what went on!” Susan looked up at her husband, “I don’t know if I can do that… I’m not ready” She hung her head in shame. Early lifted her face towards his as he said, “Let’s go into the Kitchen.” When they got to the kitchen Early put his cup in the sink, turned and said, “Susan, please look at me.” She caught his gaze, his eyes said volumes, he wasn’t trying to embarrass or humiliate her, he was solving a problem for her, “Why tomorrow, why can’t I wait to work up the nerve,” she asked? Early answered, “Because Stickner will try to get to Mr. Jenson as soon as he can and do a spin doctor on the affair.” Susan winced at his use of that word. Susan thought about what her husband was suggesting he had attacked her marriage, and her, now he would try her job; it was easy to see the pattern. She looked at Early, “Will you please come with me, for morale support?” “Yes!” he responded. She looked at him; “You heard what John and I said to each other today?” Early nodded. “Why didn’t you come out with me?” she asked. Early exhaled and replied, “After I heard him admit he had planted the idea of the special thank you in your head, and how easy of a target you had been. If I had come out after hearing that, I would have killed him, and he could not have stopped me.” Susan shuddered at the flat matter of fact tone her husband had used. In all the years, they had known each other she had never heard him say anything like that, and it scared her. Early saw the fear in her eyes and said with all the love in his heart, “I know you’re not blameless in this and there will be many painful issues we have to work through together. However, you are my wife and no one will get away with hurting you in that way, whether it was the truth or not, I will get involved… to protect or defend you.” Susan, looked at her husband, her loving admiration for him glowed in her eyes, she whispered, “ I have to type some things on the computer for awhile, when I’m finished will you play a few games of cribbage with me before bed, please?” Sighing, he nodded his head and replied, “Yea! I’d like that, I’d like that a lot.” Susan hugged him, then headed off to the den. Early watched her go, then sat in his recliner thinking about her request. In all the years, he had known her, when they had been at odds or frustrated with one another, other people, life, or just wanted to enjoy each other and talk, she had pulled out the cribbage board and cards. She had called it neutral ground years before and the moniker had stuck, the game held the promise of some normalcy for the both of them in a time of utter confusion. He drifted off to sleep thinking about last summer at his sisters again. Later that evening they shared soup and sandwiches as they played three games, with Susan winning the tiebreaker. When they finished both of them felt the deep emotional bond of friendship that had always been the foundation of their relationship. There was a sense of relief for both of them as they identified that bond; right now, every positive thing in their lives no matter how small meant a lot. At 7:00am, the next morning Early and Susan Conroy stood waiting outside the door of Mr. Ira Jenson, senior Partner of the Esteemed Law Firm of “Jenson, Sharone and Anderson.” They didn’t have long to wait as Mr. Jenson showed up at two minutes after seven, he greeted the unexpected, but never the less welcome guests and ushered them inside. Early gave Susan a squeeze of the hand for encouragement, then allowing his wife to follow Mr. Jenson the remaining 50 feet into his office, Early sat down in a chair to the left of the doors. Susan sat facing Mr. Jenson, who prepared and served coffee, then settled in to hear what she had to say. Soon Susan was crying, Mr. Jenson retrieved a hand towel for her, then looked at Early and asked, “Mr. Conroy would you be so kind as to step out and tell Margie my Secretary to hold or reroute all my calls or scheduled appointments this morning until I tell her differently. Then rejoin us, please.” Early did as was requested of him, and Margie listened to his message then closed the door behind him after he reentered. Once the doors closed again, Mr. Jenson looked first at Susan then at Early, he bowed his head and with the gentleness and wisdom of a grandfather said. “Susan, Early, I am so sorry that you two are in the midst of this terrible situation. I am even more upset that it was a Partner, the infamous Mr. Stickner that has been the architect of the whole mess.” Mr. Jenson looked at both of them then with a sigh continued, “ I am positive that Mr. Stickner is responsible for the loss of my former executive secretary as well as three other bright exceptionally gifted young Accountants or Lawyer’s of this Firm. Yours however is the first such indiscretion I have received first hand knowledge of from the other party.” “Susan is he attempting to hold the possibility of a Partnership over your head to keep you in line, to continue the relationship?” Susan nodded, Mr. Jenson patted her on her hand, “You just keep up the work you are doing, you will have no problems with future promotions. I have to admit I was a bit disconcerted when Mr. Stickner asked me to give you the Melrose Account I thought it was paramount to a no win situation. I am sorry Susan, if I had thought it over more I probably would have said no, but I was more concerned with the impending birth of our newest grandchild, our daughter has had a difficult time with this pregnancy.” How High A Price: A Sequel “I do need to warn you Susan, that bill you spoke to me about is still collecting interest. Mr. Stickner is going to let the juicy details of the tryst slip to the baser sorts of people here at the office, the gossip groups. For the next year or so every time you pass a group of women, you will catch their stares and giggles, as well as muffled laughter after you pass by. Some of the younger men will be much bolder with you even to the point of being crass. If anyone approaches you, just e-mail me I’ll stop that nonsense immediately. The real pain will come when we have family functions, the wives and girlfriends who in the past have always been so friendly and supportive, will ostracize, and isolate you, and you’ll end up leaving feeling embarrassed and alone. You need to understand you cannot be trusted anymore, especially with their men. My advice to you is do your normal great job at work, ignore the petty people, and focus on that man back there,” he said pointing to Early. Susan nodded, Mr. Jenson whispered, “Susan he desperately needs to be the focus of all your attention right now,” Mr. Jenson smiled, and so did she. Mr. Jenson got up and buzzed Margie who came in quickly; Mr. Jenson said, “ Margie, Mrs. Conroy is going on two weeks Administrative leave with pay, followed by four weeks of her personal leave, starting today! Please spread her work load among the other VP’s and set up the leave.” “Yes sir,” came a smart professional reply, the young woman turned and left. Mr. Jenson then refocused on the couple in the room, “Susan would you please go separate any remaining workload on your desk so Margie can turf it to the other three VP’s, and Mr. Conroy may I have just a brief moment of your time?” Susan stood and hugged Mr. Jenson and whispered, “Thank You! ” Then she walked up to Early took his hands and said, “ I will give up my position, job, license, house, cars, friends, anything to have you back, to keep you, I really do love you.” Early smiled, kissed her hands, “thank you, I love you too!” Susan smiled and walked out. Mr. Jenson walked up next to Early and placed his hand on Early’s shoulder. “I am sure you feel like you have had you’re guts torn out, and betrayal doesn’t even begin to describe the pain.” Early nodded. Mr. Jenson continued, “ I’ll be 68 in two weeks and three weeks past that I will get to celebrate being married to the same beautiful and intriguing woman for 41 years.” “Congratulations!” Early offered. Mr. Jenson nodded and said; “The very same woman I found embroiled in the midst of an eight month long affair 18 years ago. Too much, time alone in her office with one specific man. One thing built on another until I was crushed; I wanted to lash out, repay the pain. Luckily a friend of mine, a counselor got to me and calmed me down, he helped me get my head on straight, he made it clear, no retaliation, practice forgiveness and most of all love with all you have within you, when you reach your limit ask God to give you more.” Early asked, “ What about the physical part, kissing, cuddling, sleeping together, making love, all I can see in my mind is the two of them together,” he was shaking now. Mr. Jenson nodded his head and replied, “ Yes, I know, I waited three months before I gave into her Desperate pleas for me to make love to her, to take her back completely. If I had it to do over again I would have done it in half the time. Trust me Mr. Conroy it is as important to them to be taken back fully and know they are wholly forgiven, as it is to us to know they are wholly ours again.” Early listened to this man, he had been through the fire and his marriage survived, and he asked, “How long did it take to get past the pain, so you could start dealing with some of the issues?” Mr. Jenson responded, “7-10 days before the raw overwhelming emotions healed over.” Early asked, “Do you have the names and numbers of any really good Marriage Counselors, that I could get from you, we need some help and I don’t want to loose her.” He was tearing up. “Yes son I do, and you have already made the most important choices you could to recover your bride and marriage. You let her know you want her back and allowed her to come home, and you asked for outside professional help. I’ll e-mail the names and numbers to Susan’s home e-mail address today.” Early replied, “ Thank you, I feel better knowing I’m not the only one and that we can reconcile.” Mr. Jenson gave Early his card, shook his hand, and said. “Call me if you need to talk my boy.” Early nodded and the two men walked out, as he left he heard Mr. Jenson say, “Margie, if Mr. or Mrs. Conroy call for me or need an appointment, get them in to me right away.” “Yes Mr. Jenson.” Came Margie’s gentle professional response. Early just smiled, and headed off towards Susan’s office. Susan thought over the last hour and a half, and how wonderfully Mr. Jenson had responded to the situation in which she had become entangled. She was so happy he had given her time off, for Early and herself to get their heads on straight; so they could begin the healing processes needed to recover from the horrible wound her husband had so undeservedly received from her. She smiled, he had told her he loved her; thank God my selfishness hasn’t destroyed everything. She noticed a letter taped to the door of her office, it was dated last Wednesday and was simply addressed Susan in Jennifer’s handwriting, she hadn’t noticed it when she left that evening. She looked at the date and trembled, if only she could go back in time and erase the pain, guilt, and humiliation she had caused to others, and heaped upon herself. She took the letter and let herself into her office, as the door swung open she looked around her office and froze in disbelief. It was as if she was seeing the place for the first time. She couldn’t believe the amount of things she had prominently displayed around the room that John Stickner had given her over the past few months. She put the letter in her purse and that on top of her desk, turned, and walked to the washroom. Susan got out two trash bags and collected any and all items he had given to her or she had purchased to please him. She pulled her former items out of the closet, desk, and credenza where they had slowly been relegated to for storage, restoring them to their original places of honor in her life. She looked at the things she had in the two bags, it slowly dawned on her how well thought out John’s plan had been. He had gradually influenced her to change, her style of dress, shampoo, perfumes, even her hairstyle, and lastly her focus so that when he struck, all her connections to Early were blurred and she was defenseless. Susan separated the items into two bags one to toss in the garbage and one to give back to him. She hefted the bags and started for John’s office, she dumped the toiletries, cards, notes, candies and the like down the Janitor’s drop chute, then continuing she let herself into his office via the password he had given her. She placed crystal vases and figurines, scarves, gold inlaid pins in various flower shapes, a Mont Blanc Pen and Pencil set, and finally the white gold bangle bracelet with inlaid clear Austrian Crystals and diamond highlights in a pile on his desk. Turning she relocked his office door, retracing her steps to her office. As soon as Susan returned to her desk she called her family practice office, she was extremely happy to be given an appointment for that afternoon, another patient had just cancelled moments before she called. That finished, she cleared out her E-Mail, forwarding incoming to Jennifer, then separated the remaining cases on her desk scribbling a few notes in each of them and set them aside for Jennifer to distribute as Margie dictated. Feeling both free of the entanglements of her seducer, and the job, she was just waiting for Early to come and get her, when she remembered the note. Taking it from her purse she swung her chair around facing the windows, opened the letter and began reading. Susan, PLEASE, PLEASE, talk to me before you leave the office today, I don’t care if it’s by phone, face to face or mail. Please tell me what everyone else in the office including myself can so plainly see is not really happening. You and that man, Mr. Stickner, everybody sees the looks, the touches, no the caresses, the long closed door meetings in both offices that are nothing more than giggle sessions. All your extra long lunches and all three of the dinners, Oh God Susan NO!!! Please God NO! Please tell me the sudden clearing of both of your schedules for tomorrow and Friday, when Early is out of town on a business trip is just a coincidence, and you are going to surprise him at his hotel. Please convince me this is not what it seems, make me believe that you are not going to become involved with that man. That you are not going to betray your husband, your marriage, your friendship, and our friendship with him. Don’t you see it Susan, the shame and embarrassment, the pain you are going to cause Early, and heap upon yourself. While Mr. John Stickner walks away, chuckling that he had yet another “piece of ass” that everyone had thought was untouchable. Don’t you understand, no matter how you have justified your actions? You are going to destroy your name and reputation and will either critically wound or more likely destroy your relationship and marriage with Early. I am so heartbroken, I’m physically ill, I have always looked up to and respected you. I was always so happy you didn’t play those Peyton Place office games. I have always wanted to have a marriage I could be proud of, the way yours and Early’s has been, don’t throw it away Susan. I am so ashamed of myself, 3 times when you and that man were at one of your long lunches, Early has called. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and covered for you, lied for you, to my friend Early. It won’t happen again I will not cheapen myself for you or this job, my self worth means more to me than that. I love my job and working for and with you Susan, I just don’t know what I’ll do if this is true. I’m praying for you. With Hope Jennifer Susan sat in stunned silence, tears flowing down her face, in her whole life including the deaths of her grandparents and parents, she had never been in pain this intense before. She also knew she had caused it all herself. She was now so angry with John Stickner she couldn’t think straight. She noticed another card in her purse, smaller tucked in the front pocket, she pulled it out, and “wife” was all that was written on it. With trembling hands, she opened it; Susan, I am still in shock and a boatload of pain, and there is no one else I would endure this for. Because, I want this marriage, I need you, I want you but most of all, I love you. Early. Susan calmed down and whispered, “Thank you my love” quietly to herself. She made a note to herself to call an old friend and talk about bill collecting. Early was walking towards Susan’s office at a brisk pace, as he passed the elevators they opened and a pretty young woman in her mid-twenties rushed out almost running him over. She mumbled, “Excuse me,” and moved with purpose towards the VP suites. She had moved 5 feet away from him when Early asked, “Jennifer, don’t you say hello to old friends?” The woman stopped and whirled around, taking off her sunglasses she responded, “Early?” her voice thick with tears. Seeing her face with puffy eyes, she was crying, Early’s shoulders slumped she knew. He didn’t try to hide the pain. “Yes, Jennifer it’s me.” He answered. She just babbled, “Early…Uh Susan, I…I, I.” Early walked up to her, she grabbed him as he said, “Yea, I know.” Jennifer quietly sobbed, “Oh God Early, I’m so sorry!” “So am I,” he sighed. He gently led her to Susan’s office, and closed the door behind them. Susan walked out from the washroom; she stopped when she saw Jennifer and Early. Jennifer broke away from Early and went to Susan and grabbed her arms, the pain that Jennifer had been holding back all weekend exploded,” No! No! No! Please tell me it’s not true. Why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you talk to me?” Her cries of anguish were gut wrenching. Susan said, “I didn’t see the letter until got into work today, or I would have called,” hanging her head, waiting for the next onslaught, the look of disappointment was crushing her. Jennifer became very quiet, then looked at Susan, “as much as it kills me to do so, I will submit my letter of resignation today, I will be leaving my position as soon as I find another position within the Firm, or somewhere else.” She intoned. Susan’s face drained of all color and she started shaking her head no, she tried to speak but heard Early’s voice instead. He pleaded, “ Jennifer, Please don’t do this, I beg you to reconsider, please don’t pull the rug out from underneath us, give us time to heal. Please don’t for my sake, she needs you as her help at the office and more importantly as her friend, I don’t think any of the three of us can handle any more pain. We need all the help we can get to get us back on solid ground.” Jennifer starred at Early, an incredulous look spread across her face, she asked, “Your going to stay with her, reconcile the marriage. Why?” Early grinned, “ Because I love her more than life itself, and although I don’t understand her actions right now, I know she still loves me. We both want this Jennifer please don’t make it harder, please help us!” Jennifer said with an anxious tone, “My Mom and Dad always said, Sleep with someone else we are over, and 4 years ago when my oldest sister an accountant with this firm fell prey to Stickner, she begged her husband for a second chance. He called her all kinds of names then tossed her out. She was my hero, that animal has reduced her to a shell.” She took a deep breath and shuddered. Jennifer looked at Susan and quipped, “if my buddy,” looking over at Early “is going to take a chance on you, then so will I, I’ll stay, but you will keep away from that asshole.” Jennifer blushed at using that kind of language in front of her boss. Susan replied, “thank you, let me get better with Early,” She looked at her husband and both of them smiled. “Then I’ll make up for the embarrassment, disappointment and pain I’ve caused you, Okay?” “Yea” Jennifer said, “and besides, I really need my friend also.” “Me too!” Susan gushed and the three of them embraced. Jennifer asked, “ When you guys get better will you help me find a Doctor to help my sister Katlin get better?” “You bet,” Early said. After a few minutes, Early volunteered to go down and get some tea and cinnamon buns for everyone and left. Susan showed Jennifer the files she needed to bring to Margie for distribution and explained to Jennifer her role for the next 6 weeks working for Margie and the other 3 VP’s, until Susan got back to work. Both women freshened up and got to work while waiting for breakfast. While Jennifer was out delivering her second group of files to the various offices, Susan went into her office to straighten up. She noticed a shadow and heard a noise behind her as she was standing in front of her desk. She whirled her pulse racing, as John Stickner moved towards her arms out as if to embrace her, Susan ducked to her left moving to the center of the room and out of his reach. “Get out of here you Bastard,” she hissed, she realized she had made a mistake by moving; John was now between her and the door. John was almost chuckling when he said, “Oh my, my, a lovers quarrel, you are supposed to call me endearing terms, and thank me in very personal ways that we both can share.” He smiled for a brief moment, as his face contorted into a sneer as he spat out, “ Or this job, the office and your pitiful fantasy will all go bye-bye. So how about a thank you for all I’ve done for you?” Susan was angry, “Get out of here, out of my life and leave me alone.” John seethed, “You slut, you little whore, how dare you try to dismiss me. I and I alone will be the only one who decides when my fee is paid in full. It’s time for you to find out who’s in charge here slut.” John said as he moved quickly and caught her arm, and raised his hand to slap her. The door slamming closed made both of them jump and face the door. Susan used the commotion to break free and move to the far right of the office putting a coffee table between John and her. When she finally felt somewhat secure she looked over to see why the door had slammed, she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, “Early, Thank God!” John, who had been surprised at this turn of events recovered quickly, he looked Early up and down in a demeaning manner then said, “So the Husband is here, trying to identify your competition, or are you here to forfeit to your betters?” Early ignored the taunts, he looked at Susan, “Susan, please come over here and sit in one of the chairs behind me.” She moved quickly to where Early was standing, “Are you all right,” he asked, she squeezed his arm and said, “Yes, just a bit frightened.” Early nodded. Early took stock of his opponent, just over 6ft. 180lbs. plus, Early smiled to himself, he was 5’10” 175lbs. but he appeared to weigh less. Early said, “ There are all kinds of issues your little interlude have brought to the surface John. Your purposeful seduction of a married woman, her seemingly willingness to respond, those are things you will both have to deal with for sometime to come.” “BUT!” Early half shouted the word for emphasis, it made both John and Susan jump, “To call my wife names, to try to purposely degrade her, trying to force her to resume your tryst after she has ended it, and attempting to slap her to physically intimidate her. Well, now those are things that I can get involved in defending her.” Early was alert, his anger under control, his body wound like a spring, ready to strike, he settled into his stance and waited. John who was unsettled at this turn of events, lost control and he charged Early, punching with the practiced grace of a trained boxer. Early allowed him to land two punches one to his arm, and one to his chest, the rest of the physical action took 7 seconds. A kick from Early to John’s stomach, which emptied the air out of his lungs then he whirled and caught the back of John’s right knee sending him to the floor. Early grabbed John’s hair, hyper-extended his now helpless opponent’s head and neck and held his hand a foot above that exposed throat waiting to kill him. Early asked, “Surprised, little boy, I’ll not keep you in suspense, I believe Susan told me you spent 3 yrs In the Navy as a JAG officer, correct?” “Yes,” John squeaked out. Then pleaded, “Please don’t hurt me.” Early said, “Depends, I’m a bit agitated, I was in the Navy also John, for 6 years, special warfare, nasty business, lots of blood.” John’s eyes were huge as he looked at Early, terror filled his brain, “You’re a SEAL”, he croaked out. Early said, “Yep! And if you want proof look at the picture of me in my uniform on your way out on the bookshelf to the left, my trident is clearly visible.” John Stickner almost passed out. Early leaned forward so only John could hear him, “Here are the new ground rules John; you come near my wife, except for work, I get involved. Your mouth is locked tight on this affair, or I get involved, if any of the young studs in the Firm bother my wife, I’ll take a pound of flesh from them and then a pound from you, because you let it leak out. Come to think of it, relocating to the northeast or southeast part of the country is advisable, because sooner or later in the reconciliation process, something’s going to be said and I’ll probably trip off line and come for you. You better not have given my wife any gifts that keep on giving John, if so I get involved. Don’t go near or contact Katlin, yes, I know about her also, or I get involved. If you do take your chances and stay, don’t try to influence any votes concerning her promotions, or I get involved. If I hear you ever say, or have said an unkind word about my wife, or ever try to harm her, or try to make her do anything against her will again, you will forfeit your life. Now do you understand the rules as I have explained them to you John.” How High A Price: A Sequel A fearful muffled, “Yes,” blubbered out. Early released John allowing him to collapse on the floor in a heap. As he turned around, he found two of the other VP’s, Jennifer, and two other secretaries starring at him through the open door. The older of the two VP’s and the three women all started to applaud, turning the degrading and humiliating moment even more embarrassing for Mr. Stickner. The younger VP came in and pulled John roughly to his feet, then escorted him out, the older VP called the firms Human Resources Department and helped Susan lodge Sexual Harassment Charges against the most senior of the Junior partners. When things quieted down, Jennifer joined them for their breakfast, and then Susan and Early left and returned the contracts from last week’s business trip to Early’s office, at which time he took six weeks off also. That night after dinner as they played cribbage, they discussed the six counselors that true to his word, Mr. Jenson had e-mailed to Susan. They finally settled on one and decided to call the next morning to begin therapy as soon as possible. During the fourth game, Early asked Susan, “What is bothering you Honey?” She put down her cards and looked at Early, “What did John mean today when he asked if you were sealed, and why did that scare him so bad?” Early chuckled, and answered, “You misunderstood his comment baby, not sealed, I said I was a former Navy Seal. They are like Army Rangers or Green Berets, or Marine Recon, all are elite special operations groups they just have different missions.” Susan asked, “Oh, we have been together a long time, why haven’t you told me that before?” she was a bit uncomfortable. Early replied, “First, I did tell you, I just didn’t elaborate about it. Second, it was not part of our lives, and third, I was in several operations during my time in the Navy that made me directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of a number of people.” Early fell silent as he composed himself and continued, “Including one man I had to kill hand to hand, he would have killed me if I hadn’t him, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I still have nightmares about it. I think that memory was the reason I stayed my hand against John today. I have never raised my hand against you Susan, and I never will.” “Okay,” Susan said, “But why was John so shaken today, he was in tears after you told him?” Susan giggled as she remembered how her cocky seductor had crumbled before her husband. “Susan, the reputation of the special forces is one of aggressive, nasty, out of control, wild eyed killers, who do this stuff for pleasure. That is not even close to reality, or the truth, however the reputation still endures.” He shrugged his shoulders, “I’m sure that reputation helped today.” Susan thought about what Early said and her body posture relaxed, “Thank you for protecting me today!” she whispered. Early smiled, “Your welcome, it was my pleasure.” Susan handed Early an envelope with a number of type pages in it. Early gave her a quizzical look. Susan said, “You asked me to make you understand, I can’t, I don’t even understand, but to the best of my ability here is what I remember. From January to last Saturday, what I was or in most cases wasn’t thinking. Some of the things will hurt, but if you don’t know you will always wonder and I need to have your full forgiveness to be able to forgive myself.” Early just said, “Thank you.” The next three weeks were hectic, as both Early and Susan learned about things within the marriage from the counselor neither realized they were doing, and they started to work on the issues in both of their lives. Susan received the news that she had a clean bill of health from her doctor, which was a relief for both of them. They also worked on a number of home projects that they had been putting off for some time. Then, on the following Wednesday morning Susan had come back from the grocery, carried everything in from the car then she went looking for Early who had been involved with some plumbing in their bathroom when she left. She called for Early as she climbed the stairs, “Hey handsome, what are you doing?” No Answer. She just kept talking as she reached the second floor, “What do you want for sup…per?” She stopped and blinked mouth agape as she looked at Early. Lying across their King Sized bed, his head on his hand, he was clothed only in his robe. “Come here my lover!” came a very sexy invitation, accompanied by a coy little smile as he sat up. Susan gushed, “Oh God, Yes!” She ran to her husband’s waiting arms and they surrendered and gave themselves to each other. Over and over, they ravished each other, as they touched, pleasured and experienced one another in ways and on levels they didn’t think were possible. Hours later, facing each other, legs entwined, they held each other in the afterglow of their loving. Early looked at his bride said, “Thank you my lovely wife, for coming back home to me.” Susan moved her head back a bit to look fully into his eyes, as she ran her fingers through his hair said, “Thank You my beloved for taking me back, and now reclaiming me, to make me whole again.” Early smiled, then sighed. Suddenly Susan said, “The groceries, they’ll melt!” she tried to get up. Early held her tight, “ We already have a huge mess to clean up and we are going to have to go back to the store to replace what’s spoiled, so…it can wait! Right now this, is much more important,” he said as he kissed his wife with renewed passion. Susan sighed and melted at his touch, “Yeaa! You are so right,” and was swept away in his fiery embrace again. Please take time to vote, we all take a huge amount of time to work out a story, good bad or indifferent your voting helps us to become better more focused writers, which in turn gives you the reader a better product. I appreciate any and all feedback. My heartfelt thanks to “Premedvixen” and “humminbrd30” for their Editorial assistance. How High A Price? A Step Further. Please read 'How high a Price?' in the Loving Wives section by The Troubador before reading this ending. This is my meager attempt to take this drama a step further. Susan wept for release. Her mind was reeling replaying what she knew happened, with what Early, her injured husband, had just said. Guilt and fear were tensing her stomach with a knot of pain the likes of which she had never believed possible. She was bordering on being sick and heaving. The tears would stop briefly and then start again. She remained, shaking and sobbing, in the living room chair unable to move as her head reeled. Her emotions oozed guilt for hurting Early. Her greatest accomplishment in life had been meeting and marrying Early. He was her rock, her life's companion, her husband and her best friend, her sunshine. This was all now in doubt and it was due to her actions! Early said that I was thinking, and trying to live, a contradiction. My gratitude for John's help seemed in proportion at the time it was offered. Now it was clear that it was a horrible mistake. Is there anything I can do to prove to Early that I am trustworthy? Furthermore, how did I get to this place? Susan's troubled mind looped these thoughts again and again. She remained huddled in the chair nearly catatonic with the emotional storm cloud rocking her emotions to their limits. Early had stepped out on the patio, tears filling his eyes and falling to the wood patio deck below. His head pointed down, his eyes were staring at the wood, and he imagined he'd cry himself a puddle, no matter what course his life would take. He was trying to imagine how Susan could have brought herself to that point in her life that she could betray him and ignore her marriage contract. He was angry and hurt. These thoughts swirled over and over and over again changing little. He was suddenly hit with the realization that Susan had wept, but her words were all defensive. She didn't think to say she was sorry. Then he remembered Susan telling him, "But it didn't mean anything, Early. I am still all here, nothing in me is changed. I love you totally. I AM yours." Nothing in her has changed. She has been capable of this betrayal mentally all along, and but for the justification and opportunity it had not occurred before, or had it? Early continued to silently weep staining more boards. Was he blind to some character flaw that could allow her this betrayal? Suddenly he remembered who he was professionally. He was a corporate troubleshooter. Could the skills he used at work be put to work to save his relationship with Susan? It would be the most difficult problem he could imagine to have to solve. It involved everything that was dear to him. Again, he began to sob now. He thought that he was only capable of such intense hurt from a death. Indeed, when his father passed away just 3 years ago, he had sobbed intensely, just like this. His response today was proportional to the damage he felt was done to his marriage and to his future. Susan was all he had. They never had children. They focused their attention and energy on themselves and their careers. If he lost her, which, he might, he would lose everything that meant anything to him in a profoundly personal way. He mustn't let that happen through laxity on his part. The relationship may not be recoverable, but he was going to try to salvage it, if he could, and if Susan wanted to too. Susan had been his everything, she still was in his heart, and that is why the betrayal was such a damaging blow to him. He had to try. He could not turn off twelve years of his genuine love and devotion despite what Susan had done. Emotions flood on their own and point to a rational base. He must seek that base and reaffirm it again, if he could. The sobs began to ebb and an intense desire to salvage his marriage slowly began to form and to direct his minds eye from just feeling the awful hurt, to a take action mode, where he could use rational logic to move from this horrible emotional pit of doom. Now, he set himself the goal of salvaging his marriage to Susan, if that would be the proper thing to do. A final judgment was still undecided concerning that. He was truly torn in half. Half of him wanted to take Susan in his arms and hug her with love as tightly as he could. The other half wanted to shake her silly and just walk away. His heart certainly wanted, no desperately yearned for, saving his marriage to the woman he had so earnestly loved these many years. Whenever Early sought to solve a corporate problem, he had formed a habit of asking a multitude of questions. He realized that he must first ask for an accurate description of the events. It would bring him both angst and ultimately relief. It was all necessary to move beyond the hurt. Early took a huge breath of fresh air. As he exhaled, he imagined that he was exhaling tension. He needed to think, and his emotions were a definite hindrance. He continued to breathe deeply exhaling tension. It was helping to bring him to a stable center from which he might begin his analysis. Early recognized that in his first confrontation with Susan, he had done most of the talking. He knew that that would have to change. He needed to understand Susan as well as the situation. He needed facts. Early looked at his watch. It was now 11:30 am. A full hour and a half since Susan had arrived home. He stood and reluctantly reentered the room he had last seen and heard Susan. She was still in the chair he had left her in. She looked glum and had stopped sobbing. Her eyes averted his eyes, she stared at the floor and waited for him to speak. Early took the couch across from Susan and sat on the edge, ready to listen attentively, or leave abruptly, that would be up to Susan. Early was fighting his impulse to just ravage her with cruel words. But, he thought, he mustn't do that. He truly wanted to understand, although he believed he never would, how what happened, happened. So, in a forced calm voice and with deliberate fight for control of each word and emotion Early said, "I need you to tell me, in the greatest detail you can, what happened from Wednesday until you came home this morning." Susan didn't stir and remained silent. Early continued his fight to remain patient. Susan finally began to speak with a clear, but subdued voice, "Early, I love you and only you. I am yours yesterday, today, and in our futures whether you choose to accept that or not. I had promised to John that I would never tell a soul about our time together. I will now break that promise to try to save my marriage to you." Early felt the hairs on his back stand on end just hearing the name John spoken so normally from Susan's lips. Remain patient he reminded him self. "I am terribly sorry that I've caused you such pain," Susan managed to say before she broke down and cried for a few moments. Somehow, she gathered her inner strength and continued, "I will relate to you everything that you have asked. I will try to be accurate. I do not know how you can possibly believe what I will relate as being true. You believe that I have lied to you and my actions and words have demonstrated that I am untrustworthy. I do not know how you can possibly believe me unless you agree to allow me to see John again, but this time with you present." Early's mouth dropped with incredulity. He felt that he would be violent if he ever met the despicable character that Susan seemed somehow enamored with. Susan continued, "You need not agree now. But after I've related the facts, I will want corroboration from the only one that can give it, John Stickner. He is the only one who knows all that has happened between us. He may want to deny my description of the facts for reasons that will become clear to you in due time, but he is the only one that can vouch for the veracity of this witness." Early was a powder keg and she nearly set him off with the first few words from her mouth. It took all of his energy to calm himself to ask Susan in a civil tone, "Please continue." Susan took a huge breath in through her nose and exhaled audibly out her dry mouth before saying, "Wednesday was a very important day for our firm. Two huge and immensely important closings were taking place. As you may recall, I have been working on the Melrose project. I inherited it from another attorney, Jason Clark, who was criminally negligent concerning this client. He took a bad situation and made it considerably worse. He was fired and thrown out of the firm without recommendation. He was blacklisted by the top firms and possibly will have to move from our state if he ever seeks employment as an attorney again." Susan paused and asked Early, "Could you possibly get me a glass of water. I am all cried out. If I talk, even a little more, without water, I'll never get through this." Early quickly stood and went to the kitchen for water for both Susan and himself. The movement was helping release a slight amount of his seething anger. He began to repeat a mantra, "Listen, listen, listen," that he said over and over again. He returned and politely handed Susan her refreshment before sitting down again on the couch as before. Susan eagerly gulped the cool water. It was refreshing. She felt the movement of her body swallowing and somehow wondered if a person ever forgot how to swallow. It was such a simple task, and yet she recalled that occasionally she would swallow "the wrong way" and end up coughing and coughing She hoped that she didn't forget something simple and instead provided Early with a complete picture of all that had happened. "Thank you," Susan said as she placed her water glass on the table next to her chair. She continued her description, "I was handed the Melrose 'mess' as it was now referred to. I had less than three months to get answers and form documents that would save this failing entity. I worked feverishly with a bunch of uncooperative and even hostile principles. I routinely handed facts about the case to Linda, the senior attorney, who was supposed to know the most about the case. In the preliminary stages, Linda was very helpful and we worked very well together. But then came her surgery. She had to have a complete hysterectomy and she couldn't help when I most needed help. I asked around and everyone else either didn't know anything about the case, or was so swamped with their own workload that they had no time to assist me. I had not asked John Stickner, because he was out of the country. He stopped me in a hallway and said that because he had just got back to town, he hadn't got caught up in anything yet. He said he could spare a few moments to review what I had and where I had to take it." Susan paused for another sip of water before continuing, "Over the next two days John poured over a good deal of the documents relating to this fiasco. He penned some recommendations. However, we didn't meet in person. All of our collaboration was done via net meeting and phone conversations. He initially steered me in the right direction to handle the case. I was initially headed in another direction and would have eventually discovered my error. However, with John's insight, I saved those weeks of spinning my wheels in the wrong direction. Then, over the course of the next few months, right up to the closing, he reviewed the case and my work. He only reviewed what I asked him to review, He didn't take over the case and become the de facto lead attorney like had happened in two previous cases where other partners 'assisted' me. He kept his involvement to a minimum and allowed me to draft all documents and lead to solution by my own effort. It was an enormous effort from me. I want to say I hope I never have another case that is so terribly fouled up as this one was. One per lifetime is plenty. John had to have put in many hours on the case. Yet, when I reviewed the billing ledger, his name was always absent." Susan paused again for more water before continuing, "I asked him about that and he said that like the movie 'Pay It Forward' someone had once helped him in a significant way that had changed his life for the better. He simply hoped that with this example I would help someone else out at some other time. He allowed me to take all of the credit for what turned out to be a successful and even profitable conclusion. That Wednesday, when the papers were signed, I received word that I was wanted in Mr. Jensen's office. He greeted me with a big smile and congratulated me with the success in the Melrose case. He hinted that I was next to be made a partner. I was delighted by this news. For as long as I have been at the firm, I have had my eyes on a partnership and had worked everyday with that goal in mind. With that unofficial promise, I was giddy with success. First, was the Melrose case, and now, was a partnership promised. Significantly, I had with my own effort coupled with some good advise of a friend gained stature in the eyes of my firms most important managing partner. It was then that he suggested that I take a few days off as just a little compensation for the efforts he knew were expended. He even suggested that Jennifer take a few days off too. He suggested that I book into the 'Four Seasons' and relax and get pampered and do so at the firms expense." Early was still caught up in the phrase 'advise of a good friend' as Susan paused again to refresh her parched throat. He had to keep repeating his mantra "listen, listen, listen," to allow this to continue. He was sickened when he heard 'good friend, or John's first name. The word 'Stickner' was a poison causing his anger to rise dangerously. His blood pressure was through the roof. But, he maintained his calm outward composure despite the storm that was raging within him. He had asked and she was relating facts. He just didn't see any virtue in John Stickner whatsoever. How could Susan see him as a friend even now that their marriage was perhaps destroyed by him? It was that simple question that allowed him to suppress his emotions enough that Susan could continue. Soon, Susan continued her narrative, "I went to tell Jennifer that I was going to book us in the 'Four Season's' for some rest and relaxation when John came up to Jennifer's desk." "Congratulations Susan! I knew if anyone could make good of Melrose it was you," John said with a smile and a handshake. "Thank you, I understand congratulations are in order for Spires too," I replied. "Thanks, We were on the right side of that situation," John admitted. "Jennifer, Mr. Jensen suggested that you and I deserved some 'Four Season's r&r on the firm. Could you book us for a couple of days," I asked? John had overheard me and said, "Susan and Jennifer, I am celebrating too, along with the rest of the Spires team. We are calling it 'fun in the sun' and it will be held at my home. I would like to invite you both to join us if you'd like. James, Kathy, Bill, Renee, Thomas, Rita, Debbie, Daniel, Victor and Oscar will be there. I'm catering the food, I have an oversized Jacuzzi, and the pool is delightful this time of year. Of course, the 'Four Seasons' may better meet your relaxation needs. I'll send you each an email invitation with directions and what not and you can think about which would better suit you. I just wanted to let you both know that you'd be welcome to join us if you care to." Jennifer looked at me, opened her eyes and rapidly shook her head up and down as if to say 'yeah, yeah, yeah,' with just body language. I thought 'Why not?' I had heard that John's house and garden was fabulous and I had missed meeting his wife, Cindy Stickner, the last time there was a get together there. It was a party held after dark and was a much more formal affair that lasted just a few hours and the weather was so dreadful that day. "John, it looks like you can add two to your guest list," I said. "I'm glad. I'm looking forward to your both enjoying some time at my home, I'll send you the e-mail with the details and don't forget your swim suits," he said and then left Jennifer and I to high five each other and our good luck today. "I left word with the receptionist that I would be tied up for a couple of days. It was a standard practice to tell clients that I was in meetings and would return calls. It sounds better than saying that I am busy relaxing in John's Jacuzzi while their important matter must wait. Our receptionist was ill and we had a temp fill in on Thursday and Friday. She was briefly told that we were out of the office for a little r& r, but our calls should be answered like we were in meetings. This normally does not apply to immediate family. A husband or wife is supposed to be told, if they do not know already, where we are, and given John's phone number so we can be reached in an emergency. You were the only spouse that was out of town and I didn't know until Friday afternoon that our receptionist was out. I didn't think much of it at the time. After all the temp was there." Early was boiling and fuming beneath his calm exterior as he listened to Susan mention John's Jacuzzi. He was, at times, wringing his hands and arms with the tension that was building. Susan's story was gradually approaching descriptions of the moments he most dreaded to hear, but would die, if he didn't hear. The strain was so difficult to bear! He knew he'd get gray hairs from this story, but now the possibility of white hairs was very real, as his body was convulsing internally. His stomach was churning and he hoped he could continue to maintain as Susan continued her account. Susan sighed and began again, "Wednesday evening I just crashed at our home in our bed. I had rode the emotional roller coaster and was dreaming of the Melrose success, the promised partnership, the couple of days of r&r and looking forward to holding you in my arms to share all of this good fortune. I was even relaxed enough to feel a little horny. I missed you Early, I longed for you. I wanted to feel your strong muscles hold me tight. I longed to feel your expert mouth work a miracle on my willing body and bring me to orgasm after orgasm as you always do. Yes, Wednesday night I dreamt of your cock deep inside of my tight vagina. I fingered myself instead, and missed you even more, because I crave your fat cock inside of me much more than my measly fingers. I had crashed upon reaching our home. Later, when I awoke, I realized that I hadn't called you yet. When I reached you I was half asleep, I must have said something that gave you the impression that I would be at work all day Thursday. I hung up from talking to you and crashed again. I finally slept a deep and very restful sleep." Early was about to loose his meager hold on his composure. He wanted to shout. Susan's account was killing him inside. His eyes became blurred both from tears and from high blood pressure. Susan's overtly sexual language was almost too much for him to bear. He pictured John Stickner with Susan performing undefined sexual acts and Susan's acceptance of him in his presence made his vision blur. Susan continued her account, "John's email said that brunch would be served around the pool at 9am. Eleven of the firm's associates were there when I arrived at 9:30am. I was the last to arrive. When John said that he was catering brunch, he wasn't fooling. There were tables set up with fruit, eggs, sausage, toast, a choice of coffee's and juices or milk and donuts, bagels, cottage cheese, cream cheese, waffles, hash browns and cereals. I fixed a lite meal and sat next to Jennifer. She had really been a great help to me over the past few months. A week ago, I had bought her a Dillard's gift certificate and gave it to her while we were eating. It was only $500, but her eyes lit up, and I believe she was happy with the amount. We chatted and just enjoyed the calm of no work and the pleasure of each others company." How High A Price? A Step Further. Early began to tire from his expense of tension. His muscles began to relax and would spasm only on certain words, John, for instance. Susan steadily continued, "There was no structure to the day. A few of the guys decided to swim. A few decided to go inside and play pool on John's billiard table in the game room. Jennifer and I just lounged in the warm sun and watched the guys in the pool. Rita came over and the three of us talked. Around the pool were some chairs and tables. On one we were using, were the mosaics for a backgammon game. The maid would come by frequently asking if there was anything she could help us with. We asked for the backgammon pieces and played that for a few hours while we just relaxed. The morning turned to early afternoon. We girls changed into our suits. I wore my one piece blue one with white stripes on the sides. Jennifer, Debbie and Rita had bikini's on. I had the most modest of suits of the bunch of us girls. We enjoyed the pool and Jacuzzi for a while and then John announced lunch. There were salads and burgers and cold cuts. There were soda and beers and wine and Perrier. This was better than the Four Seasons so far! I had a very good small Greek salad and a water. A little later, we girls went back into the pool and Jacuzzi some more, and then played some cards at poolside. It was just hearts and busied our hands while we chit chatted away the time. I honestly felt like I was on a vacation. As the day wore on, John announced that dinner would be served inside the house in dining room one. That created a big stir because no one but John and Cindy had more than one dining room. Early envisioned Susan in her swimsuit being checked out by John. His blood was about to boil! Her account was just as he had asked. It was specific with lots of detail. He could see how she had been impressed by everything that John had done both professionally and as her host at his home. He wondered how he seduced her. Susan paused and said she needed some thing to eat. She slowly got up and went to the kitchen for a few minutes. She called out to Early, "I'm making a pb&j would you like something?" Early was not about to call out to her or shout. If he started, he may not maintain control and her account of Thursday was nearing a very critical point. The point where John seduces Susan was at hand! Early got up and entered the kitchen. He had cooked a few chicken breasts the night before and took five minutes to make himself a chicken salad. Susan returned to the wing backed chair and waited patiently for Early to return. When he returned, she began again to recount her day at John's home. "We all got dressed again into whatever we arrived in. The dinner was served in dining room one of their huge house. The chef personally took orders from the guests. As the meal was prepared, we sat and conversed. All thirteen of us were seated at the same long table. John was seated on one end. I was between Rita on my left, and Oscar on my right. Across from me were Jennifer, Victor, and Thomas. Renee and Debbie were closest to John. He scooted his chair back making a grating noise on the hardwood floor. John stood and said, "Thank you all for coming to my home today. I was so pleased that you could each make time for this. If you'd care to, we have still another day for additional rest and each of you is invited to return tomorrow to do this again. After dinner there will be a movie played in the theatre for those of you not interested in the movie, there is always billiards, a swim in the pool, a soak in the Jacuzzi, or cards or such. Unfortunately, as big as this house is, it doesn't have guest rooms to accommodate everyone, so everyone must go home at some point tonight, and then return tomorrow." Early was on pins and needles. Here it comes he thought, 'We talked evening time, so it was just a few minutes or hours after this great speech of his that he bedded my wife, the fucking bastard.' "The dinner was served at 7pm. By then, I had had a single glass of wine and was talking to Oscar about his recent vacation to Destin, Florida. I had asked for some vegetable quiche. It was served in small portions and presented well with garnishment on fine china. This was definitely better than 'The Four Seasons' and I was so glad we chose to take our r& r here at John's home." Early was going crazy. Susan was about to tell him about how she fucked this guy and she speaks of him as a respectable host. And says his first name with such ease. His knuckles were white as he opened and closed his fists in a slow, but steady rhythm. Susan continued, "I honestly thought of you as dinner was presented. The atmosphere was relaxed, the company was good, and I imagined that the only thing that could make this evening better would be if you were here with me or I was where ever you were. I was missing you so much because I wanted to share my good fortune with you." Early began to breathe erratically, his teeth clenched as did his fists. Susan wants me and fucks this bastard and lies to me when I talk to her on the phone. Susan continued, "Several of the people took leave right after dinner and simply went home to their spouses. After all, the spouse was not here to enjoy the sumptuous meal, the pleasant company, and the opulence of this home. I intended to leave too. But I hadn't talked to John alone all day and had wondered why I had not seen or heard from his wife, Cindy. I also wanted to say thanks, with words, for his profound assistance with Melrose. For a few minutes, he was busy with the departing guests. Only four of the twelve remained, Oscar, Victor, Debbie, and myself. Oscar and Victor wanted to play billiards and smoke a cigar. That idea was rather repulsive to both Debbie and I. I only wanted to talk for a few moments to John and then I was going to hit the road too. Debbie was single, attractive and a quite a bit drunk. She had drunk all afternoon and then drank to excess during the meal too. She had some romantic notions, but John was involved with Oscar and Victor discussing the merits and demerits of various cigars. He soon left them in their game after the initial break. Debbie and I were just looking at the art on the wall. Debbie soon had to relieve herself and as she made her exit I saw John approach me." Early took deep, deep breathes now. Susan continued, "I wanted to ask how Cindy was," I asked of John. He remarked that she and her sister were in Europe in Berlin for some training and some shopping and that he was flying to meet them on Sunday and they would spend the next eight days traveling in several countries." "I was hoping to finally meet your wife. I don't think that I have ever even seen what she looks like," I explained. John thought a moment and then ushered me into the library. There were a few photo albums out on the desks and then several more on shelves along with a multitude of books. He picked up a red leather jacketed album off a table and said that there were a number of pictures of he and Cindy in the book. He then took his leave saying he would return shortly. He was concerned about Debbie. I began to leaf through the pages. The pictures were professionally done. They were also labeled with names, dates, and places. Cindy was in many of the pictures. It was clear that she was quite the sophisticated woman and was well traveled too. She had pictures form the Far East, Australia, South America, Europe, Africa, and more. Some people place the goal at visiting all fifty states. It appeared that Cindy was traveling to every major country on the earth! She looked young and by the dates really was. It made me wonder how she and John met and what circle of friends could match this pair. John did come back, "I'm so sorry, but Debbie has taken ill. It looks like too much wine. The maid is with her now and I have called a limo to take her home when she's able to travel. There is no place like home if you are going to be sick, especially on wine." "Your wife is very beautiful," I said. "Yes, she is beautiful. I cherish her more than words can describe," John said with some emotion. "She is lucky to have you as her husband. You make a nice couple," I said. I was trying to be complimentary without being too sugary. "We are as perfect a compliment to each other as I can imagine," he added. Frieda, the maid, came and asked for assistance in getting Debbie to the limo. John left and I resumed looking at the pictures in the album. I finished the red leather one and noticed a black leather album on a low bookcase shelf across the room from where I was sitting. I wandered over and pulled it from the shelf. I found a comfortable chair and sat down expecting some more exotic travel pictures. Susan paused and took a drink of water. She looked up at Early for the first time and shared direct eye contact for the first time since their confrontational weeping. She put the glass down. Susan continued her narrative, "I opened the album to the first page. Cindy was present in this picture. She was dressed in a black leather corset that laced up the front and sides. The cups to hold her breasts were quarter cups. They lifted her breasts up making them appear fuller, but exposed her areola and nipples. On her hands, and up her forearms, were black leather gloves. She was wearing thigh high vinyl boots with 5 or 6 inch heels. Her crotch was bare, her labia was all puffy and red, and there were rivulets of what looked like a man's ejaculate flowing from her shaved pussy down her left thigh. In her hand was a riding crop being swung towards its crimson target, John's bare ass. He was on his knees leaning over the footstool in this very room. His hands were manacled behind his back. His head was turned and a red ball gag was stuffed into his mouth. A leather string was tied to his scrotum and a weight was attached to the end. The picture was stunning for its professionalism, its clarity, and its subject matter. I stared and stared at the picture. It stunned me. I flipped the page over. In the next picture, John was laying on his back on the floor. An unknown nude female was sitting on his face facing his cock. It appeared that John was having trouble breathing, that this unknown nude woman was smothering him with her pussy and ass. Cindy, dressed in another outfit equally stunning, was placing what looked like alligator clips on the nude woman's nipples. I couldn't look away. I stared and felt the pain that she must be feeling. I know how sensitive my nipples are and could not imagine what it must feel like to experience those metal jaws clamped with strong springs pinching that most sensitive tissue. I shuddered. I quickly leafed through the rest of the album and saw horrific sexual scenes. John was in every one. He was always tortured, smothered, walked on, peed on, whipped, caned, subdued, manacled and restrained. He licked boots, he drank liquid from a saucer, he ate food from a dish on the floor like a dog. He often wore a leash. In some pictures, he was made to suck a rubber cock. In some, he had something black protruding from his asshole. In several pictures, he had his face buried between a variety of women's crotches. Many of these women were not beautiful. They were often average and a few were large and overweight by 50 to 100 pounds. They stuffed panties in his mouth. He was shown attached with restraints to a wooden X shaped frame. He was sucking on real men's cocks. Men and women were fucking him in his ass. Another constant in all of these pictures was a dominant female. In most cases it was Cindy. When it wasn't her it was a female, always. I could only stare incredulously trying to reconcile the pictures I saw before me with the man I have known casually for a few years and who had recently used some brilliant legal maneuvers in the Spires case and suggested logically complex means to save Melrose. Susan paused again and looked up at Early's eyes again. He looked like he had been hit in the stomach. John came through the library door and stopped while yet 15 feet away. He understood the color of the album cover and was well aware of the contents. He excused himself again and departed from the room. He sent Oscar and Victor home. They had just finished a set and were about to rack up again when John asked politely if they might go and return again tomorrow for brunch. The boys left with great expectations for the next day. While John was gone, Susan put the black album back and noticed that there were five more black albums. She picked up the one on the opposite end of the section of albums. It was filled with 75 pictures of John and Cindy and others. In each picture, there was a domineering woman and some painful or humiliating task for John to do or endure. Again, something in the pictures fascinated her as she stared at them in turn. It seemed that when she thought that she had seen it all, the next picture took her to new depths of surprised wonder. How on earth could John do this stuff and apparently like it? John spoke first saying, "You find something fascinating about my behavior in the bedroom. You find it a puzzle to see me in these situations while at work I am a master logician and barrister." Susan stared at him and nodded finally saying, "Your choice of sexual stimulation is unique and I don't understand it." No one from the firm had ever caught John or Cindy exposing their sexual lifestyle. This was new ground to be tread. John was not angry. Instead he felt challenged. He respected Susan's keen mind and here was a chance to use his own wits to shore up a breach to his secret life. John began a narrative of his own, "Cindy inherited a great deal of money. She is independently wealthy. This home is hers, she bought her own cars, and she pays for her own parties and travel. She's allotted $30,000 a month from her trust for expenses and can get more for major purchases. I could quit tomorrow and she could support me from her fun money that she simply loses to gambling. I do well for myself and bring in $500,000 a year on my own. I'm telling you this because money didn't link us in any way. We are both paid well independent of one another. Susan asked, "Why do you work?" "I enjoy the mental challenge, and I am compensated by a market that can ascribe a value to my efforts," John replied. "Cindy is a lifestyle dominatrix and doesn't officially work. She does interact with a few very select people, some you have seen in the pictures, but she takes no fee for her efforts. She does it for enjoyment and mental and sexual stimulation. She is a very highly sexual being. She is also a very demanding woman. I love her dearly." Susan understood what was said, but this was so new to her that the reasoning of how a person could enjoy what John seemed to enjoy was beyond her mental grasp. Just then an antique clock chimed. Susan was shook from her questions with a task to do. "John I'm due to call my husband, Early. He's out of town on business. Is there a phone that I might use?" John responded, "Of course, I will leave you here to call him. I ask only that you don't mention your discovery to him, or anybody else for that matter. I didn't mean for you to find out, but you did." Susan replied, "I'll keep your secret, I promise." Susan called Early at his hotel, " Are you sure he's checked out?" She next tried his cell phone and she got through to him. In light of the excitement aroused in her by the pictures, Susan was a bit horny and sincerely missed Early. Had she been with him right now, she would have attempted to make passionate love to him. The spirit of her words saying that she missed him and that their big bed would be lonely was genuine. The facts were obviously a lie. The hurdle to step over to lie was very low. Susan assumed Early was still out of town. Only minutes ago she promised not to tell Early about John and Cindy. She was anxious to talk further with John about his chosen lifestyle and wasn't about to tell Early that she was at John's $2,500,000 home, alone with him after spending a glorious day of r&r. After hanging up with Early, Susan went to get John. She had a million questions to ask him. She also wondered why a part of her was not grossed out with these strange concepts and instead she felt an odd and exciting fascination bordering on arousal. John was waiting patiently in the hallway for her. He spoke first, "I trust you met success locating your husband and that all is well." Susan was quick to answer, "I did locate him and everything is fine. He will be home on Sunday and I can't wait to be with him again." John smiled, "I will reunite with Cindy and JoAnn in Berlin on Sunday. She has been in four days of study into her Dominatrix lifestyle with a German Dominatrix. I can hardly wait to see what she has in store for me. I miss her immensely." Early's tension eased a little. He was tiring. Susan's narrative was long and very hard for him to listen too. He was bewildered why Susan just didn't get out of John's house. This man was so clearly sick in his mind. Why didn't she just get out of there? Everyone else had been sent home. She was alone with this crazy bastard. Why didn't she see the danger? John was reasonably confident that Susan would keep her word to keep his sexual preferences a secret. "You might want to leave and get yourself a good nights sleep. Tomorrows weather promises to be just like it was today, which was perfect. The brunch starts at 9am," John said. "I can't leave until I have said thanks for the help on the Melrose deal," Susan said. "Susan, it is I who should be thanking you. While I was in Australia working on the Perkins acquisition, I had caught hearsay in some telephone conversations that Melrose was turning sour. I feared that I would get assigned the case when I got back from Perkins. The senior partners test the new partners such as myself, and sometimes associate attorneys like you, with these terribly challenging cases. I had turned my subconscious mind on to look for possible solutions on Melrose even while I was away, dealing Perkins because I was convinced that I would get it upon my return. When I did get back, I was told that you had been assigned the case. I couldn't think of a more difficult challenge for anyone to take on. Since I had thought out some strategies anyhow, I wanted to share those thoughts with you. So you see, you had taken the pressure off of me and I could look unofficially and offer suggestions unofficially. I was less under the gun and I hoped to offer a fresh perspective. You did a great job on it. I have enjoyed seeing the results of your keen thinking. It was like a breath of fresh air compared to the usual thought most attorneys put into a case," John explained. "Your advice was very, very much appreciated," Susan said taking the compliment to heart. "Your welcome, Susan, it was my pleasure to help," John said with a smile. "Perhaps it's now time that you should go home. Although it's not late, that sun can drain a person's energy," John said. "I know that this is none of my business but, I wonder if you could spare some time and explain to me how you derive pleasure from those things that you do. For the life of me, I can't imagine how these things could be that exciting. Yet, when I look at the pictures, I confess that I am not repulsed. Rather, I'm fascinated and then bewildered. I just don't understand it. Could you possibly enlighten me a little," Susan asked? John had never, as a sub married to a lifestyle Dom, shared his sexuality with anyone. Cindy had brought any others into their relationship. He had never been caught before. He decided that perhaps some discussion could better convince Susan for the need for his privacy and the understanding would help her maintain his secret. How High A Price? A Step Further. "Perhaps I could, but where to start? You realize that my account will necessarily be rather graphic and highly sexual," John said. "I understand. How did you and Cindy meet," Susan asked? "I was married to another woman, Francine is her name. We had met in college and married after graduation. In our bedroom, we were equals. Everything was negotiated. I would ask what she wanted, she would hint or tell, and I would oblige unless I didn't want to or couldn't. She was the same with me. She asked what I'd like her to do, I'd offer a suggestion, and she'd fulfill the request, if she could. Some things were spontaneous. The approach we took was respectful. In time, I knew Francine's likes and dislikes and she knew mine. We stayed in our mutually created comfort zone. Sex was rather good, but predictable. In time, it became routine and after more time mundane. I was convinced that this is how life is. At the time, I was an associate attorney and would put long hours in to make my mark. Francine was not working. She spent her time at the club and the gym and taking self improvement classes. She did a little volunteer work too In time, she was tempted by other males with more time than I had and she had affairs. This went on for a year before I found out. At the time, I was just so bitter that I just wanted a divorce and to get everything and leave Francine with nothing. That was pretty much what happened. She had never been too astute when it came to anything pertaining to finances. I just plowed deeper into my work and put my love life on hold. Our marriage lasted a year and a half," John related. "Is Cindy your second wife," Susan asked? "Yes she's my second wife," John replied before pausing and saying, "I'm so sorry, Susan. I've begun a rather long tale without offering you any refreshments. Would you care for something to eat or drink?" "Perhaps a little red wine, if you don't mind," Susan replied. John looked into the liquor cabinet in the library and didn't find what he was looking for. "Follow me. I've got a red that I'd love for you to try," John said as he wandered to the kitchen area. Susan followed as John made his way to the homes wine cellar. In the cellar itself was a tall table with two bar stools. John found the red he was searching for and opened and poured him self and Susan a glass. The lighting was rather subdued. The air was a little cool. "It was a place much like this that I met Cindy," John began his narrative again. "I was taking a tour of a California vineyard. It was a cool rainy day and there were just a few people that bothered to venture out on such a gloomy day. Cindy was one of those people. We had not met or introduced ourselves. The tour was self guided and we happened to be in a cellar together when the earth moved. An earthquake rocked us inside the cellar for nearly a minute. We tried to get out through the only exit. The large oak door that we had entered was stuck shut so tightly that it wouldn't budge. The lights remained on, and the room was quite large so there was no fear of suffocation. Neither Cindy nor I were claustrophobic. There were a few heavy oak tables and a few benches and chairs. There was plenty of wine to drink. There were mugs and bottles of wine and several openers. "You met in a wine cellar during an earthquake," Susan asked? "Yes as strange as that might sound. After a few minutes, we determined that we were stuck with no means of communicating where we were. Cindy introduced herself as did I. She was quite beautiful. She was wearing black leather pants, a black front button silk blouse, and a light jacket. She had 4 inch heeled boots on. Her hair was cut short. She was gorgeous and she was well aware of the effect she was having on me. Her eyes were jet black in the subdued light of the cellar. Cindy was not shy. She asked questions of me and always changed the subject to find out more about me when I asked anything about her. She was blunt. She was confident. She steered the conversation. After a few minutes, she told me to get her some wine. I did this, and then as we drank it, she told me that she found me attractive. After a few glasses of wine, and some more conversation, she told me to kiss her. I did kiss her gently on the lips. She stopped me and said," No kiss me on the neck." I nuzzled in her neck and kissed and tongued her for probably a minute when she stopped me. "Lay on this table. I want to see your cock." As I lay on the table, she unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She looked stunning in her black leather pants and black bra. Her full breasts were bulging in the sheer fabric. Her hand stroked my pants until she found my hardening cock. She stroked me and my pants rose like a tent. She smiled and asked me to stand and remove my pants and underwear. I did and was surprised when she withdrew a pair of handcuffs from her purse. She handcuffed my wrists together cuffing me to an oak table leg. "What are you doing," I asked Cindy? "I want to examine you without any interruptions," Cindy said. She proceeded to remove her boots and pants. She stood before me in a black thong and bra. She was beautiful. She caused my cock to harden. She walked around me fondling my cock and balls. She pushed a finger up my ass and wiggled it around and then withdrew it and wiped it on my thigh. Ironically, I was more excited by this strange woman than Francine had ever gotten me. I was excited by her looks, by her touch, and also, by her demeanor. Her confidence was both astounding and extremely exciting. She was examining me like I was a piece of meat. She dropped to her knees and smelled my crotch. She took my cock in her mouth and soon was sucking as no woman ever had. She clearly wanted me to cum. I was approaching an orgasm. She sensed this and withdrew her mouth, but continued to stroke my cock. She pushed a finger into my ass. I began to spurt and she pointed my cock head into her waiting hand. She milked me dry. She took the cum filled hand and brought it to her nose. She licked the pool of cum and moaned. She moistened a finger in my cum and pushed the finger into my mouth. I took it into my mouth and sucked and licked it clean. She continued to feed me cum on her finger until it was all gone." "John likes Cindy to feed him cum," she said. I moaned in agreement. Next, she removed a vibrator from her purse and held it to her clit under the thong panty she was still wearing. She pinched her nipple as she moved the vibrator in small circles over her vaginal lips. She moaned. My cock having cum once was in recovery. As I watched Cindy pleasure herself, my cock became hard again. Cindy paused her self pleasure long enough to get a butt plug from her purse. She lubricated it and pushed it slowly into my ass. "I want you to have this inside you when you see me again," Cindy said. Suddenly a knock came on the door and a voice called to us that we would soon be rescued. In a flash she had undone the handcuffs and put them back into her purse. She got dressed and I scrambled to dress too. We finished our wine just as the rescue crew came crashing through the door. Cindy handed me her business card. "Call me tomorrow at 9pm," Cindy said and then abruptly left. I followed her to the parking lot. She got into a Mercedes and drove off "Susan, meeting Cindy was an epiphany. I had no idea that such people like Cindy existed. Her domineering attitude combined with her sexual imagination sparked an ember deep inside of me. I was always a leader in my business life. In my past sexual life, I tried to be an equal, with little success. Cindy showed me the joy that could be found in submission. It is ironic that I maintain a leaders role in business matters and a submissive role in sexual matters. I might just as well be a Dominant with a submissive as my wife, however I prefer the role I've assumed to that. I cherish the mental stimulation above all. Cindy is a natural Dom. She needs to continue to be a Dom. I could be either and adore being Cindy's compliment even though it demands I be a sub," John said and paused. "That's quite a story," Susan remarked. "How do you like the wine," John asked? "It's delicious. I enjoy a dry red like this. It has an oak component and a nice smooth rich flavor," Susan answered. "This is from the vineyard where I first met Cindy. I especially like its flavor mixed with cum," John explained. Early was convinced now that John was a kinky pervert. He heard from his wife's own mouth the words that proved his point. He thought that at any moment now John would make his move to take Susan sexually. He waited on baited breath for her story to continue and tell him how she was seduced. "So it's a mental challenge that allures you to the strange things that you do," Susan asked? "Yes, precisely. Cindy has a wild imagination. When she uses it sexually, I always win, even when I experience some slight pain and suffering. Pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin for me. This is true for Cindy as well," John said. "I still don't understand," Susan admitted. "Perhaps a demonstration will provide the answer you are looking for," John said. He took their glasses and put them aside. He got two more bottles of wine from the bin and began the climb back to the kitchen. Susan followed John into the library. John turned, and hesitated as he looked at, and then past, Susan. He went to a wall of books and pushed a hidden button. The whole section of books moved opening up to a moderate pitch spiral staircase. It was well lit. John entered and Susan followed. At the bottom of the stairs was another large door. Upon opening it a large dimly lit room lay before them. Along the walls were mounted whips, crops, paddles, and all sorts of sexual aides. Susan recognized the room from many of the pictures. "So this is the place where Cindy challenges you," Susan said with a marked sense of awe in her tone! John walked to a wall where there was a small table. Above it were wine glasses and John poured Susan and himself another glass of red. John walked to an intercom and buzzed the maid, Frieda. He talked to her so that Susan couldn't hear what was said. Susan glanced at her watch it was 10pm already. She began to study the aides one by one, removing them from the wall and handling each one in turn. The distinct leather smell filled Susan's nostrils and she was becoming aroused. Frieda entered the room. She was wearing the outfit she had on earlier in the day. She walked up to John and barked, "Face the wall." Susan continued to sip her wine as Frieda went to a clothes locker. She opened it and began to change clothes. First, she stripped until she was naked. Then, she carefully put on a leather corset, gloves, thigh high boots, and a leather mask. Her hairy pussy was completely exposed. The corsets bra cups were quarter cups so her large breasts were pushed up and exposed. When she was done, she turned and walked to the table with the wine and poured herself a glass. She poured a little red wine into a saucer and placed the saucer on the floor. "I've poured you some wine. Drink it," Frieda commanded. John slowly turned. His head was held down looking at the floor. He spied the saucer and got down on all fours and began to lap at the wine. In no time, he had finished. "Thank you Mistress," John said softly. "Do you want some more," Frieda asked? Susan was frozen with interest. She didn't want to move or make a sound fearing she would somehow break the spell and this would prove to be just a dream. "Yes, please Mistress," John answered. "Move back then," Frieda ordered. John moved back and watched as Frieda squatted over the saucer. She poured wine into her pubic hair. It ran through her pussy lips and further down her crack until it dripped slowly off her asshole into the porcelain dish. Susan stared in disbelief as John began lapping the wine from the bowl again. But something inside her was becoming strongly aroused rather than repulsed. Susan unconsciously began to squeeze her own nipple and her excitement grew. Susan gulped the wine down and poured herself another glass. Sip and pinch, sip and pinch. Susan sipped her wine and pinched her own nipples as John licked the wine that had trickled through Frieda's vaginal lips. Frieda sat upon a barstool. When John had finished with his saucer of red he wordlessly knew to come clean Frieda's sex. His mouth lapped at the hairs and between the lips. He continued down until his tongue had gently wiped Frieda's moist ass. "It's her turn now," Frieda said, as she got up to pour more through her hairy pussy. "No, she is my guest and is just a witness to my pleasure and pain," John said. Frieda stopped abruptly. She went to the wall and got a riding crop down. "Strip. It has been a long time, my pet, since you have lost your manners with me. I'll enjoy this a lot," Frieda said. As John stripped, Frieda poured more red wine through her pussy hair. Again, it dripped off her asshole into the shallow saucer. "This is for you my dear," Frieda said to an incredulous Susan. John was soon naked. Frieda positioned John over a sawhorse. His bare ass was up and exposed perfectly for a whipping. "I will whip you until she has completed cleaning the saucer," Frieda explained. "Please, Mistress, she is not of our kind. She is but a witness. If someone were to be punished, then let that someone be me," John pleaded. "No, she must lick to save your sorry ass," Frieda repeated. Frieda swung the crop and hit John's right leg. There was a pause and another blow, this time to his left leg. Susan heard the smacks and flinched with each blow. Susan couldn't believe that she was somehow part of this. After four blows, Susan got down and began to lick the saucer. It tasted like the red wine, but she noticed that she was totally self- absorbed in her act. Self conscious to a degree she had rarely experienced, she noticed the awkward position that she was in. Her tongue was tentative at first. But now, with still more real whacks in the background, Susan began to lick the wine in earnest. "I'm finished," Susan shouted hoping to stop the crop from falling again on John's reddened thighs and butt cheeks. Frieda paused, but struck John again. "It appears that you have no more respect than my pet. Has everyone forgot how to properly address me," Frieda asked? "I'm finished, Mistress," Susan cried. "Mistress please don't strike him any more. I've licked the wine from the saucer as you asked me to!" Frieda struck John yet again. "I don't ask child, I command," Frieda corrected. "Yes, Mistress. You command, Mistress. And I have done as you command Mistress," Susan said quickly. "You learn quickly, my child! Do you know what needs to be done yet, my little one," Frieda asked? Susan was beside herself. She knew that she must lick this woman's pussy clean of wine. If she didn't, then John would undoubtedly get struck with the cruel riding crop. "Mistress, I must clean the wine from your pussy. Yes Mistress, I must lick the wine from your sex," Susan said, wondering if these were all of the correct words, or whether Frieda would find more fault with her verbiage and whip John again. "Yes dear, that is correct. You may clean Mistress Frieda's pussy now. And dear be sure to clean my ass very well because it becomes irritated if you miss some wine," Frieda said. "Oh Mistress, I'll clean you well," Susan said with some relief. She moved to where the woman had sat again on the tall barstool. Susan had never tasted another woman before. She was torn between a strong reluctance to touch another woman and a strong desire to keep John from getting struck again from the nasty crop. As she lowered herself to this strange woman's pubic hair, she thought of Early. He had done this to her countless times and Susan knew that this was a very wonderful thing to be the recipient of. So, with a gusto spurred on by Early's example, Susan began to lick this woman's pussy. In just moments, this woman's sweet juices coated her face. Susan thought that this was actually very pleasant, if it were removed from the context in which it was initiated. Frieda enjoyed Susan's talented tongue. In fact, she experienced a couple of orgasms as Susan licked her pussy clean of the wine. Susan was proud that she could get Frieda off and was spurred to linger when she licked Frieda's puckered ass. "Child, you have a talented tongue when it's not talking but just licking. That was very, very good. I'll take leave of you two now," Frieda said. She walked to where her maid uniform was and quickly changed her clothes and left the playroom. "I'm so sorry, Susan. Frieda got carried away. You didn't have to get involved. Another solution would have arisen," John said. "I am beginning to see what you mean. I have not even removed my clothes, but I have felt I've had a profound sexual adventure! I was more keenly aware of my body position, my words, well just everything. Is this what you mean by mentally challenging roles," Susan asked? "Yes, you have had a true taste," John replied. "I hated it and loved it. I'm a bit confused," Susan admitted. "It's late, we should think about getting you home," John said. "But I'm not tired at all. I'm so hyped up by all that's happened," Susan said. "You may stay and check the playroom out, I am going to bed. Frieda can be reached on the intercom line 2. She can arrange for a limo to take you home Susan," John said. "I'd like to stay a while longer and look at these things, and I'll use line two to call Frieda," Susan said. Early couldn't believe his ears. Susan had sex with another woman to save this sick bastard his justly deserved agony. How could Susan ever believe that she was responsible for the acts of a mad woman. This was torture tactics. It was brainwashing pure and simple. First, use wine to get the resistance down, then concoct a ridiculous story that sways the innocent to participate in wanton sexual acts. Early was seething. But he also wanted to get the facts for day two. So, with a sarcasm cloaked as sweetness, he asked Susan to continue her tale. Susan stayed in the playroom for another three hours looking over the clothes, and furniture and toys. She remembered that some of the toys were shown in use in the picture albums. So, she went up the spiral staircase to the library above and began to examine all of the black albums in great detail. She found six albums with 75 pictures in each album. Susan looked at all 450 pictures! It took most of the night. At five am she put the last album back and curled up in a wingback chair and was soon fast asleep. Frieda found her at six am and directed Susan to a guest bedroom. Susan slept until 10 am. Fresh clean clothes in her size were laid out for her with a note to see Frieda for a late breakfast. The day went as the previous one, until supper was finished. Then John begged leave and disappeared. Susan had not talked with John in private all day long and now he disappeared. Most of the guests decided to go home. Just Debbie and Susan remained. Susan's mind was working in overtime, The pictures, the playroom, and her first taste (literally) of a role in this unique lifestyle had her brain swimming. Susan was more curious than ever. She had unanswered questions and felt she was so close to someone with answers. Debbie had not gotten drunk like the day before. She clearly had romantic notions concerning John. She had flirted whenever she had the chance. She unbuttoned one too many buttons on her blouse and her bikini was tiny. The other men present couldn't keep their eyes off of her. They spent as much time as they could trying to involve themselves in whatever Debbie would do. John had no problem ignoring Debbie. He was not blind to physical beauty. Debbie was model material. He just understood that his sexual needs included role play. Debbie was no sub or Dom. John had observed her. She was straight as far as he could tell. How High A Price - Anon ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Susan's Choice - Sequel to Troubador's How High A Price. http://www.literotica.com/s/how-high-a-price An anonymous reader sent me this version of a finish to the Troubador's How High A Price, when he learned I was working on a sequel. He (or she) encouraged me to finish and post it, since he was never going to get around to it. It was about 3/4 complete, enough so that I had a pretty good idea of how he wanted it to end. I did not get an email address, so I was unable to confirm that. Yeah, kind of weird, someone asking me to Finish The Damn Story, of their own, which was finishing someone else's story. Since it only took a couple of hours all told, I figured what the hell. My own sequel is very different, but I thought I'd throw this one out there, since it was very nearly complete, so different from mine, and only needed a little work. I only made a few dozen editing changes up to the point where the police arrived. I'll confess this may not be the most polished story I post, but I'm back to working on my own. Please forgive any spelling/grammar errors. I did clean up dozens of errors in the original section, but I didn't go through it quite as closely as I usually do. I preferred not to change the wording or story, fixing only what was necessary to make it grammatically correct. Obviously, this is not my usual, posting a story for an anonymous writer. I thought it was good enough to deserve putting out there, and that's how this once came about. For information on how I choose which stories to continue, please read my profile. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Susan Conroy entered the foyer of the large Tudor style house, a house that used to be her home. The home she used to share with Early Conroy. She still shared the house with Early, she even shared the bedroom with Early, but that was all she shared with Early. And then, only when he was there. He had been there less and less the last few days. In the week that followed her time with John Stickner. It was after nine, she wondered if he was working late, again. He never bothered to check in with her anymore, her calls were seldom returned. If he answered at all, his response was always curt but vague, as if he didn't know what his plans were, only that they didn't include coming home. Susan wandered towards the kitchen turning on lights as she moved through the empty rooms. It didn't help. No amount of light could permeate the gloom of an abandoned house, although they physically still occupied the premise there was no longer any life. Just habitation and coexistence. Undecided on another meal alone or just to bed, Susan peeked into the fridge to see if anything looked appetizing. The bottom shelf held a couple cases of Early's favorite beer, he kept it well stocked with his favorite brands and always seemed to have one on hand when he was in residence. With a sigh Susan decided on a cup of tea. She wouldn't drink anything alcoholic, not even a glass of wine with dinner, she was afraid once she started drinking she wouldn't be able to stop. It would be so easy to get lost in an alcoholic haze; Early made it look too easy. Damn him, she thought, why is he making this so difficult? Why can't he just set his foolish male ego aside and realize it was a onetime thing. Why couldn't he believe she loved him and that her love affair with John Stickner took nothing away from her feelings for him and their marriage. Although more than twenty years older, the fact that a distinguished and extremely powerful senior partner like John Stickner had taken a professional, and personal interest in her flattered Susan to no end. His desire for her had been unspoken and subtle, and yet she could still feel his need for her. John always seemed so alone, and so dedicated to his work that his wife had left him because of it. Socially he was always accompanied by a variety of charming, graceful, beautiful women, but seldom the same one more than twice. "Master of the short term relationship," he had once lamented to Susan about his life after divorce. Of course she loved John, he was her mentor and friend but it was not the same love she felt for her husband. Susan almost worshiped John Stickner but on a purely intellectual, professional level; the man was a practically a legend in the industry. Somehow she had thought that if she could have properly explained her infatuation to Early, he would have understood and even agreed to let her share her "special gift" with John. It could have been a present from both of them, a gift of love from Early and Susan, to a lonely man who had so unselfishly mentored and guided Susan. ~ * ~ * ~ Even after Early had found them out, she loathed admitting it to herself that she still felt that attraction. Their first night had been idyllic, their love making slow and sensuous. Being older he was not able to recover, and repeat the performance as her more virile young husband could, but his size was impressive, and he had enough stamina to allow her an orgasm, before he finished. They spent the rest of the time holding each other, talking and sharing their life stories into the small hours of the morning. They had made love the following morning, then later in the pool, and again after lunch on the kitchen table. John had said that it had made him feel like a kid again, and that he had never imagined sex in the kitchen. They both felt wonderfully wicked, for the rest of the weekend Susan and John would giggle like silly children every time they sat down at the kitchen table. Susan would leer at him and ask him what he wanted to eat, while slowly inching her jeans down. Sunday morning she had actually climbed onto the table and knelt before John so her wet pussy was right at eye level, less than two feet from John's nose. Using both hands to massage each side of her slit, her little clit would slide in and out of its sheath with a soft wet sound, filling the air with the smell of her arousal. In a husky voice she announced: "Breakfast is served." John had grabbed her ass cheeks and slid her forward on to his tongue, where he brought her to a series of mind numbing climaxes. ~ * ~ * ~ On the last day, as a special treat, Susan had let John take her anally while they stood naked on the balcony. After "overheating" in the hot tub, Susan wrapped herself in a towel and was admiring the woodland view from the Jacuzzi deck, while John had gone to get more wine. As John came through the French doors and saw Susan silhouetted against the panoramic view, he set the decanter down, stepped up from behind and nibbled at the base of her neck while cupping her breasts, rolling the nipples between his fingers and the soft terrycloth fabric. As their passion increased the towel soon fell away and Susan began grinding her ass into John's growing erection. As John had grown harder he simply worked himself deeper and deeper into her. John began massaging Susan's exposed breasts squeezing and kneading from the base to the now very hard tips, Susan reached down to her vulva and began to finger herself, while slowly bucking her hips to match John's rhythm. After a few minutes her knees became so weak she could barely stand, her body was trembling, and her breathing had become shallow and rapid. She had never felt such intensity. Her center had become so wet and sensitive that she couldn't seem to finger herself fast enough, her shaved labia had turned bright red and was oozing in an almost continuous flow through her fingers and down her inner thigh. She had to lean back onto John's chest, her hips pumping faster and faster to match the rhythm of her fingers, her other hand reaching behind her grasping desperately at the back of John's neck trying to pull his lips even closer to the nape of her neck. She could tell he was getting close, as his hot breath grew ragged on her neck, and the pressure on her nipples increased to almost painful. In anticipation of her pending orgasm Susan leaned back hard against John and thrust her hips forward as far she could, her whole hand vibrating her exposed clit with lightning speed as he twisted her nipples mercilessly and began moving in and out of her in short powerful strokes. Susan never realized or cared that anybody passing through the woods below, could see her lewd jittering while suspended on John Stickner's cock. In one long howl of pleasure Susan experienced the most powerful orgasm of her life, as he emptied himself into her bowel. She knew she was going to have to introduce her husband to the joys of anal sex. Once more, John Stickner was her mentor. ~ * ~ * ~ The long week-end with John had passed all too quickly, Susan was invigorated and felt on top of the world, her career was on a fast track to partnership plus an exciting new level of intimacy with her mentor, John Stickner. Which made her confrontation with Early on that evening all the more painful, from top of the world to Hell in less than a minute. John had told her not to despair and had even offered to talk to Early and explain that he was not a threat to him. He said he would be there for her if she needed his help, he had offered to let her stay in his guest room if she needed a place to stay for awhile. Or if, God forbid, Early threw her out. She remembered the opulent luxury of his home. The offer was very tempting. Her reverie was broken as Early walked past her, and grabbed a beer from the fridge. Susan jumped. "God! You startled me! When did you get home?" "Left work early, not feelin' too good, I was layin' down upstairs, heard you come in. Thought I better get another beer." Early looked like hell. He hadn't shaven or bathed in days, Susan hated to see him like this. If he ate at all it wasn't at home. He was gaunt, his look haunted, and those beautiful blue eyes were lusterless, red rimmed, and watery. Whether from drinking or crying, Susan didn't know. "Where's your car?" "No car," he mumbled, "sent me home in a cab." "Who sent you home in a cab? Early, what's wrong? Tell me what happened!" Susan was starting to worry. "Nothing, nothing at all," he slurred. "Everything's fine, just dandy and swell." "You're drunk!" "Nope! Correction! Was drunk! I'm fine now, just dandy and swell," Early said waving his finger at her, as though admonishing a naughty child. "Oh God, Early! You can get fired for drinking at work." "Nope!" the finger came up again, to make his point, "Jus' send me home inna cab." He tried to grin but it looked more like a grimace. "They wouldn't fire me, I'm their best one. I can fix all their problems, just can't fix my own." He popped the tab and took a huge gulp, puffing out his cheeks and holding his head back to let the cold liquid trickle down his throat. He turned to leave. "Early, wait!" Susan grabbed his arm gently. "We've got to talk this through." "I don wanna hear it anymore, Susan. I can't talk about it. I just can't get my head around any of this." Early's voice was so soft, she almost didn't hear the last sentence. "The most important negotiation of my life, and I just can't see the light." "We're closing the Melrose deal tomorrow, and this Saturday is the awards banquet at Marriott-Regency. I expect they will announce my partnership. You know how hard I've worked for this." Yeah, on your back! Early thought to himself, but said nothing aloud. "It's important to me that you be there to share this with me. You know what it means to me. To us. I worked hard for both of us. I want you to be proud of me." Susan was pleading, hoping Early would agree. It would be difficult to make excuses for Early not being there. "Please Early, you have to be there with me." "Your boyfriend gonna be there?" Early asked. "Damn it! Early, he's not my boyfriend. He's your friend too, he's just as devastated as you are about this, he never wanted to come between us." "Ooh I'll just bet he is," he said, his voice oozing sarcasm. "I think all he wanted to cum between - was your legs! And you let'em. How many times Susan? Once? Twice? Twenty? Was it good Susan? Was it? Was he bigger than me? Was he better? WAS HE?" Early couldn't help himself. He was starting to shout. The pent up anger of the past week was starting to overpower his self control, the alcohol was beginning to talk for him. He stepped closer to within inches of her face. "The last thing that you want," he said between clenched teeth, "is for your lover boy to be in the same room with me. I just might forget my naturally sunny disposition and kick his fucking ass!" "Or maybe you don't think your poor wimp of a husband can kick Mr. big, rich and powerful John fucking Stickner's ass?" Susan withered under Early's glare. Her heart broke again. She wanted to die. Staring into Early's eyes she now saw only pain and rage, no warmth, no compassion, no love. Slowly she sank to her knees, and clasped her hands in front of her, her eyes never leaving Early's. "I'm begging you Early, please forgive me, I'm on my knees begging you to forgive me. Early I love you so much, and this is destroying me. I beg you to find it in your heart to forgive me. If you can't forgive me then just kill me. Please! Just kill me now." Susan just knelt with tear streaked cheeks staring into the ice blue eyes of her soul mate, praying for salvation, or finish. Either way she just didn't care anymore, she let her arms drop to her side and just hung her head waiting for it to end. Early looked down at his wife and felt a brief moment of compassion. "Kill you? I could never kill you. I-I-I love you, uhh, I loved you...once!" His gaze hardened again. "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL, SUSAN! I HATE you, and I hate what you did to us. I can't love you any more, I CAN'T!" "You gave yourself to someone else. You gave me up for your job and for John fucking Stickner. You go to him every day, then come home and say you love me too. I can't be part of your little threesome I won't be your cuckold wimp!" "Oh Early, I don't think that. I wanted to share our love..." Before Susan could finish, Early threw the nearly full beer can down at her, it smashed into the floor inches from her knees, exploding and spewing white froth all over Susan. Then silence. Susan trembled and looked up, her eyes pleading, searching for some sign of love or compassion. Early met her gaze and leaned down inches from her face, the hardness had returned to his voice and eyes. "DIE!! You want to DIE?" "You don't deserve to DIE, slut! You deserve to live with yourself!" That realization hurt Susan as much as any kick or punch could have. She looked up at Early. "Please Early, I love you, I love you with all my heart. We're soul mates! You know we are soul mates, we belong together." Early just glared at her. "SHIT!!! To HELL with you!!!" he spit in her face then turned and walked out the front door. Dazed, Susan didn't know how long she knelt in the middle of the kitchen floor soaked in beer, Early's spittle mixing with the tears on her cheeks. She finally used the edge of the counter to lever herself up. Susan decided she needed that drink now. ~ * ~ * ~ The sound of a phone ringing. She opened her eyes one at a time and sat up. The agony was excruciating. She couldn't remember, had Early hit her? Her head felt like it had been pounded with a tire iron. Her eyes wouldn't focus. She wondered if this is what a concussion felt like. Susan was laying nude cross-wise in her bed with her clothes in a stinking pile next to her. She lurched for the phone, sending the mostly empty Gin bottle clattering to the hardwood floor. The sound was deafening, Susan winced in pain. The phone started its ringing again. The second attempt was more successful and she succeeded in bringing the hand set to her ear. "Hullo?" "Susan, where the hell are you? I've been calling, and calling you! You were supposed to be here an hour ago! What are you doing? Why are you still at home?" It was a familiar voice, which was asking way too many hard questions. Susan's head then her stomach started to spin. "I think I'm gonna be sick." Susan tried to make it to the bathroom, but collapsed as soon as she tried to stand, ending up on her hands and knees and vomiting onto the throw rug next to her canopy bed. Still retching, she crawled towards the bathroom. By the time she reached the toilet, she felt pretty much emptied, and decided to flop into the bath tub instead. When she reached to turn the water on she noticed she was still clutching the cordless phone handset. "Hullo?" she asked again, reaching with the other hand to turn on the tap. She couldn't hear the voice very well as an icy stream of water started to fill the tub. She quickly twisted the handle to add some heat. "Huh? Can't hear you." She jammed a finger into one ear, and pressed the phone tightly to the other. "We need the Melrose contracts. We're supposed to be there in twenty minutes," came John Stickner's voice faintly over the sound of running water. "How soon can you meet us there?" "Can't meet you," she muttered. "I'm sick." "Sick? Susan what's the matter? What happened?" John voice was going from irritated to concerned. "You have the finished contracts. We need them. Susan? Susan can you hear me?" Susan stared dully at the phone, and nodded her head. "Are you okay? Susan! Are you there? Can you hear me?" John was getting really worried. Susan realized a verbal response was needed. "I'm here. I can hear you," was all she managed in a hoarse whisper. John didn't know what was going on, but he sensed something was wrong. He had to get to Susan. "Listen, Jenson and I are on the road now. We're going to swing by your place. Everything will be okay. We should be there in about ten minutes. Okay?" "I'm sick," Susan rasped, and dropped the phone into the half full tub. She leaned back into the soothing water and nodded off. At some point she must have turned the water off, because the next thing she heard was somebody ringing the doorbell, pounding on the front door, and shouting her name. Susan was trying to drag herself out of the tub, but kept slipping back in, her arms and legs weren't functioning well or as coordinated as she needed. She started to cry. With grim determination she managed to pull herself up and not fall over again, even though she thought she might faint. Leaning against the wall to hold her up, sobbing uncontrollably, she struggled out of the bedroom and down the hallway towards the frantic pounding at the front door. John Stickner, beside himself with worry, stepped back and put a well placed kick to the door knob. The front door burst open, hitting Susan in the process. Startled and miserable, Susan started to wail in earnest. John rushed to the nearly hysterical Susan and swept her up into his arms. She was holding her head, and he saw what looked like a welt on her face. "Oh my God, Susan! What happened? Are you alright?" John removed his coat and draped it around the naked and trembling Susan, he hugged her closer. "It's okay baby, everything is going to be alright. He didn't hurt you did he? Come on, let's get you set down and tell me what happened." John started to lead her towards the couch in the adjacent living room. The same couch Early had passed out on the night before, after staggering home drunker than when he had left. The commotion had also eventually soaked through booze induced slumber and awakened Early who had sat up suddenly to see his nearly naked wife in the arms of John fucking Stickner. "You son of a bitch!" Early shouted. Being a seasoned drinker, he did not have the same coordination or hangover issues that Susan was suffering from. How High A Price - Anon He was off the couch and on them in less than a second. "No, Noo! Please Nooo!" Susan wailed, holding her aching head. "Not now, not like this." Alan Jenson was impatiently waiting in the car in front of Susan's house, when John Stickner, arms flailing for balance, came staggering out backwards through the broken front door, followed by Susan's husband Early, screaming obscenities, and windmilling punches. A roundhouse right haymaker caught the off-balanced lawyer on the side of his head and spun him in an almost perfect three-sixty pivot on one toe. He might have completed the circle had not Early's roundhouse left stopped his momentum completely, and dropped him to the ground. "Shit!" Jenson thought, he knew breaking the door down was not a good idea, but Stickner had seemed like a man possessed, and Jenson wasn't sure he was going to be able to pull the enraged husband off of him. He jumped from the car while speed dialing 911 and sprinted across the lawn. Alan was simultaneously yelling the address to a confused 911 operator while trying to push Early Conroy from the bloody and battered John Stickner. "Mr. Conroy, Mr. Conroy, Early! Listen to me!" Alan pleaded. "We'll fix your door, John got too excited, we'll get it fixed, and pay for it. Please! Please just calm down. He thought something was wrong, and over reacted." He became aware that a naked Susan Conroy was also pulling on Early, and blubbering incoherently. "My God Susan! What happened? Put some clothes on!" Alan Jenson was trying to get his coat off to cover Susan, his hand still clutching the cell phone that had become tangled in the sleeve. "Yeah Susan, tell him what happened," sneered Early. "Ask the big boss if he can fix our marriage when he fixes the front door." "Look Mr. Conroy, Early, let's all go inside and talk about this." Alan had finally extracted his hand and phone from the coat turning the sleeve inside out. "Explain to me what's going on here, I think there's more to this than a broken door." He looked directly at Susan who was clutching desperately on Early's arm hysterically begging for forgiveness while he tried to push her away, brush her off. Early finally gave her a hard push towards Alan who caught and steadied her keeping her from falling, and trying unsuccessfully to get his coat to cover her nakedness with the sleeve turned inside out. Susan started shaking Alan Jenson and started blubbering about her special gift, but she stilled loved her husband, and it wasn't John's fault, but he loved her and she loved him, but not like she loved Early, and Early was being jealous, and John was her mentor... The more Alan Jenson heard, the more he felt like throwing up. This was a disaster in the making. Early interrupted her ramblings and screamed, "John fucking Stickner FUCKED MY WIFE, AND SHE LET HIM DO IT!" He casually kicked the dazed John fucking Stickner in the balls. Stickner immediately grabbed his crotch, rolled to one side, assumed a fetal position, and started retching onto the grass. With a shriek Susan threw herself on top of the helpless lawyer, shielding him with her body. "Please Early, don't hurt him anymore, hurt me, don't hurt him anymore." She wrapped her arms around him, pulling his head protectively towards her naked breast. "It was my fault! Hurt me! Don't hurt John anymore," she whimpered pathetically. "I never wanted anybody to get hurt. It was all my fault, I started it. It wasn't his fault" Early felt his blood run cold, there it was, the ultimate betrayal. The woman who was his soul-mate protecting her lover. Telling him that she betrayed him intentionally, telling him she had willingly given herself to another. Reminding him of the sounds he had heard, and the brief glimpses he had caught at a distance, as he had tried to sneak in around the back of John fucking Stickner's house. The forest was thick, with steep hills, but he had seen and heard enough to know she had shared body and soul with John fucking Stickner, her betrayal was complete. Susan was no longer able to look Early in the eye, but looking down at the poor battered face of John, her heart broke once again. Knowing that it was her selfishness and unfaithfulness that caused her lover's painful injuries, and her husband's injuries whose pain went much deeper than flesh and blood. Early unzipped his pants and started to pee on Susan and John fucking Stickner. It felt good. He was relieving more than his bladder, he was emptying the taint from his soul, by soiling that which had tainted his soul, and best of all soiling the one that she now held most dear. Alan Jenson reached for Early. "Ah, Mr. Conroy, I, uuuh, don't think this is appropriate, we can deal with this in a more civilized manner." Early batted his hand away and glared at him. Jenson saw the look in the eye of the much younger man, took a couple of steps back, and wondered when the cops would get there. The 911 operator never did get the address or even a clear idea what the call was about from the garbled message Alan Jenson had attempted while running across the front yard, and then muffling everything through his coat sleeve. However in these upscale neighborhoods police patrols are frequent, and when officer O'Hara happened by in his unmarked unit and noticed a possibly inebriated individual urinating on a prone naked woman cradling a man with obvious facial injuries he immediately radioed for a back up and an EMT wagon. He approached the crowd, opening the latch on his holster. "Everyone stop what you're doing! What's going on here?" he asked. Jenson believed this was the result of his 911 call. "It's a mistake, officer. John thought something was wrong with Susan and kicked the door in. He only meant to help." The officer saw the damage to the door frame, and the scene with the near naked woman on the ground, holding a battered older man. "Who are these people?" He asked the speaker, since the man standing in the suit seemed like the only one capable of talking any sense. "And will somebody get some clothing on that woman, and tell me what the Hell happened?" Alan responded carefully. "I'm not certain. We needed some papers that Susan had. When we got here, John knocked on the door for a while, and then kicked it in. A minute later John came out of the door, stumbling, and Early followed, yelling at him and hitting him. Susan came out naked a few minutes later, begging forgiveness. That's all I know." Jenson felt ill-at-ease, in the middle of what was obviously a family struggle. He hated the idea that whatever was happening would reflect poorly on Jenson, Sharone and Anderson. He'd spent far too much time and effort getting where he was, to let some idiot's indiscretions give his business a black eye. Officer O'Hara looked at the drunken man standing over the mismatched couple on the ground. The woman had succeeded in getting a coat on, covering most of her nakedness. "Is that about what happened?" the officer asked Early. "Kicked my door in!" Early screamed, not even aware that's what had happened until Jenson told his version of what happened. "He was all over my wife, touching her. So I threw John fucking Stickner out of my house. I've got a right! Fuckin' walkin' in my house like he owned it, breaking my door down! Fucking my wife, like he owned her too!" Susan sat on the grass crying, sobbing drunkenly, holding her head. John Stickner, was finally becoming aware of the situation. It was a PR nightmare. He might be able to charge Early with battery, but once the story got out, his goose was cooked. It was one thing to discretely engage in relationships, but to get caught in an affair with a subordinate, charged with breaking and entering, that could be devastating. To top it off, Alan Jenson was there to witness all of it! The officer was inspecting the damage to the two people on the floor. The older man had taken some punches, that was obvious. No weapon from the looks of it. It fit the story. The woman on the other hand, had a bad bruise forming on her face, that looked wrong. "Ma'am, what happened to your face. Did your husband do that?" She shook her head, and pointed to Stickner. "This is a simple misunderstanding officer," he said as he got unsteadily to his feet, wiping the urine off his face. "There's no need for police involvement. Nobody's been injured. I'll take care of the damages. I thought that Mrs. Conroy was in distress when I spoke to her on the phone. It was out of concern for her that I entered the home, when nobody answered the door." Alan had his phone out. He realized they were never going to make the Melrose meeting. That was bad, the situation had been all but lost, when John and Susan managed to somehow pull it together. "Mr. Melrose, Alan Jenson here. I'm sorry but we're not going to be able to make the meeting on time-" He was shocked when Early yanked the phone out of his hand and started to scream into it, "-because John fucking Stickner was trying to fuck my wife again, and I kicked his ass!" Jenson grabbed at the phone, trying to salvage the situation, while Early turned his back on him. "That's right. John fucking Stickner fucked my wife Susan and was trying to do it again. Honorable John Stickner. Trustworthy Susan Conroy." Early threw the phone to the side, and walked back toward the house. Jenson scrambled for the phone, trying to save a terrible situation. He put the phone to his ear, "Hello?" The voice at the other end didn't seem happy. "You can't make the meeting, Alan, because Mr. Stickner is having sex with Mrs. Conroy?" "No, William. They're not having sex now. It's just a mistake..." Jenson tried to explain, watching the entire deal go up in smoke. What a fucking disaster. Melrose was a huge account, their third largest. This one was going to hurt. Officer O'Hara was no rookie. He'd seen a lot of family squabbles, some of them quite ugly. He hated those calls, never knowing how they were going to turn out. He didn't hold out much hope for this family. But he had to admit, this one was pretty entertaining. "Mrs. Conroy," he said to the woman on the ground. "Maybe it would be best if you went in your house and got dressed. See to your husband perhaps, unless you no longer want to be with him." The woman shrieked, "No! I love Early! He has to forgive me. He has to, it meant nothing. It was just a gift," she whined, struggling to her feet. "Do you think he's going to appreciate you taking your lover's side, after the man broke into your house?" Officer O'Hara had seen it all. He knew his best hope was to get the aggrieved spouses calmed down and talking. The last thing he wanted was to get called back for a shooting later in the evening. It seems like they got at least one of those every month. A shooting, knifing or beating. Family disturbances were the worst. Susan looked at him in anguish. "Oh God! What have I done!" She turned and raced toward the house, screaming. "Early! Early! I'm sorry!" Alan Jenson put his phone away. Mr. Melrose had told him exactly what he thought of cheaters, and using that as an excuse for missing a critical meeting was the worst he could imagine. He was currently calling the other partners to vent his anger. Jenson was angry too, pissed that Stickner would jeopardize this deal, and maybe even his own position within the firm, by fucking a married woman. Even worse, a subordinate. He wanted to take his own shot at the senior partner, but that would be almost as stupid as kicking in the door of a house where the woman you were committing adultery with lived. Not with a police officer standing there witness. John straightened his coat. "I believe we have this under control, officer," he said casually, trying to minimize the issue. "Your services won't be needed." Stickner brushed his hair back, standing tall. O'Hara's back up appeared, lights flashing, pulling up to the curb. He hated cheaters. Police officers had one of the highest divorce rates, and his own first marriage was no exception. The snobbish bastard dismissing his so readily just pissed him off. He saw Dave get out of the black and white, calling his position in. "Cuff this guy, Dave, and read him his rights. We have a clear case of breaking and entering, and I need to see if the owner of the house wants to press charges." O'Hara said. John stepped backward, waving his hands. "This isn't necessary. We can work this out. It was a case of misunderstanding! I just need to talk to the Conroys." Officer Dave Nolan didn't know the situation, but he'd let the first man on the scene call the shots. Besides, O'Hara was a good guy, and had seniority. He broke out the handcuffs, and started telling the man his rights. "No, you have to let me talk to the Conroys," Stickner whined. This was the last thing he needed. He backed up toward the house, determined to get Susan to call this off. The next thing he knew, he was on the grass again, pinned by the two officers, a knee on his head, his arm being yanked behind his back. "Looks like we're going to add resisting arrest to the breaking and entering." Alan Jenson thought about interceding, but decided to stay out of it. Stickner had got himself into this mess. The Melrose account was toast. This was going to get ugly, and the best he could hope for was avoiding as much of the fallout at possible. Stickner might be damn good at his job, but he'd made this bed. He was already thinking about who to offer a position to in his place. Inside the house, Early was trying to calm down. The adrenaline rush of his battle with Stickner, combined with a night's rest, had burned away much of his drunkenness. At the moment he was trying to hold off his clingy whore of a wife. "Please, Early," she whined. "I didn't do nothing!" "You chose him. Chose him to fuck, and chose him just now out on the lawn. You chose that bastard over your own husband and marriage, you cheating whore. Get inside and put some clothing on!" She reached out for him, and he stiff armed her again. "No. Don't touch me. You don't get to touch me. You stink. Go get cleaned up!" Susan dragged herself to the bathroom, dropping Alan Jenson's coat along the way. Early heard the shower start, as the police officer knocked on the open door and entered. O'Hara hoped things would remain calm. "Seems like quite a mess you have here," he said. "No shit. Cheating whore wife, and that damn John fucking Stickner, fucking up my marriage and my life." He looked over at the open door. "Now my house too, the bastard." "You want to tell me what happened?" "Don't know. I was sleeping. Woke up to a loud crash, and John fucking Stickner had his arms all over my naked wife, and she was crying hysterically, holding her head. I saw the door was broken open. She was screaming something about 'no, not like this,' and I told the bastard to get his hands off my wife and to get out of my house. When he didn't I made him." "We've got his confession that he broke in, and a witness to the event. Do you want to press charges?" "Can I?" "Breaking and entering, and criminal trespass, to start, if you told him to leave and he refused. Did your wife invite him in?" "Hell, she didn't say a word, just kept screaming and crying. Once I was on him, she asked me not to hurt him," Early explained. "Can I speak with her?" Early nodded toward the bedroom. "She's getting dressed." "Would you have her come out here?" O'Hara asked. "SUSAN!" Early shouted. He no longer heard the shower running. She appeared a few seconds later, wearing shorts and a t-shirt. She still looked like crap. "Early?" she whispered nervously. "Mrs. Conroy, I have a few questions for you. Is that alright?" Officer O'Hara asked, speaking in a calm, steady tone. She nodded, slowly sitting down on the couch next to her husband. He quickly moved as far from her as he could. "Did you ask Mr. Stickner into the house? Did you invite him to kick in the door?" "N-n-no. I heard pounding on the door, and the doorbell ringing. When I was about to answer it, the door crashed open and hit me. I was scared." Her hand reached up unconsciously to touch the soreness on her forehead and cheek. That explained the mark on her face. "Did you want him here?" "No," she answered slowly, trying to remember the conversation on the phone. Not in the house with Early. That would be dangerous. "I told him I was sick, but he kept calling." "Thank you, Mrs. Conroy." He wanted to lecture her on her behavior, but knew it would do no good. He could only pray he wouldn't get a call-back to this address. ~ * ~ * ~ Stickner had a good attorney represent him. No surprise. He was able to avoid the breaking and entering charge, since there was no evidence of intent to commit a crime after entering. He also escaped the sexual assault charges. The criminal trespass wasn't so easy, and he was found guilty of a Class A misdemeanor, was fined $4000 which didn't bother him, but the six months of jail-time was devastating. He pleaded no-contest to resisting arrest charge, another Class A misdemeanor, when the prosecutor told him he'd be able to serve the sentences concurrently. Life was hard for lawyers behind bars. Especially ones nearly 60 years old. Susan was served with the divorce papers. She sought out her husband. "You...you promised we'd try to work it out," she whined. It had only been three days since Stickner's stupid decision. It had already been a bad day, finding out that not only was she not going to get her promotion, and the Melrose account was a complete fiasco, but she was called down to HR and written up for her behavior. The entire Melrose debacle was blamed on her, for not showing up with the papers. "You chose him, Susan," Early explained calmly. "After all of it, you chose your lover. Every step of the way, when it came to a choice between that bastard and me, you chose him. I can't accept that. I won't." "No, Early," she pleaded. "It was a mistake. I love you. I just didn't want you to hurt him anymore." "You chose him." Early stood up and walked away. Early's lawsuit against Susan's company was settled out of court. Both Stickner and Susan were soon out of a job, and by the time John fucking Stickner was behind bars, Early had a settlement check in his hand. His divorce papers declared their joint property to be split, and assured that no earnings beyond the date of the signed agreement were subject to division. There was no alimony, since their earnings were equitable, and each kept their own retirement accounts. After lawyer fees, Early only kept a little under $400,000, but that was far more than Susan was getting out of their joint property. He paid off her equity in the house, and redecorated it with the assistance of one of the many young women in his office that were interested in making sure that Early recovered from his divorce well. Susan was eventually able to find employment, but it took some doing. It seemed that every law firm in the city had received word of why she'd been let go. Between being labeled an office slut, and incompetent for wrecking a huge deal, she had to settle for what she could find. She earned less than half of what she had previously. She lived in a small apartment, wondering how it all went so horribly wrong. "Why couldn't he understand?" she asked herself, drinking the cheap gin, and looking through her old photo album. "It didn't cost him anything. It was something I felt I had to do, that was all. Why couldn't Early understand?" ~ * ~ * ~ Epilogue: Early was only on the market for 16 months, before he met a woman who understood. She was part of the other company's negotiating team, six years younger than him, and had suffered her way through a divorce of her own. Together they negotiated their way to three children, seven grandchildren, 11 great-grandchildren, a beach house, and 52 years of happiness, before she lost Early. He regained his sunny disposition with Ellen, and rarely thought of his previous life. He no longer cared what had happened to Susan or Stickner. He moved on. How High A Price - Anon Susan was married again within two years, and divorced less than three years later, for adultery. Why couldn't Sam understand, it didn't matter? It was something she felt she needed to do. Marriage three, her final one, lasted 5 years. She ended up in the hospital when Martin didn't understand. Susan was 47 years old, and gave up marriage after that. She never had children, lived alone, and walked with a limp for the rest of her life. Martin spent three years in jail. John fucking Stickner had a tough time of it. Between legal fees, expenses behind bars, civil suits, and losing his job, he was almost broke. He'd always lived well, at the edge of his means, thanks to the heavy alimony he paid his first wife and his lifestyle. He had to sell his house at a loss. He moved far away. He carried scars and horrible memories from the time he was incarcerated, and was no longer quite so attractive to women. He had nightmares for the rest of his life. He never again even flirted with a married woman. O'Hara put in 30 years, and lived happily ever after with his second wife. He never got tired of telling the story of driving up to the house where a man was pissing on his own wife and her lover, and how gratifying it was to put the smirking asshole lawyer behind bars. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ How High a Price: Another View Dear Reader, The Troubador wrote a story entitled How High a Price in March, 2003, about a man and his cheating wife. That is always a popular subject. Since then, other authors have written stories based on The Troubador's theme and his characters, Early and Susan Conroy. This is my story using the same theme and characters. It is a realistic story. Not sexy. Not sweet. Sad. Heavy. But realistic. I thank The Troubador for allowing me to follow his lead. The title of the story, plot idea, and character names are his, but the story is mine. So if you have problems with it (or if you like it), contact me, not him. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Early Conroy, a friendly, sunny-natured man with a constant smile on his face, was a trouble-shooter and negotiator for his company. Travel was part of the job. When he traveled, he always left a detailed itinerary with Susan, his wife. Susan, a lawyer for a large firm, always informed him in detail as to her schedule. It was automatic after all these years together. A business problem called Early out of town, this one a long trip to Los Angeles scheduled from Tuesday through Saturday. He had planned on catching the return flight out of Los Angeles at 9:15 Saturday evening. As usual, his car was at the SeaTac Airport. He would be home and with Susan by one a.m. Sunday morning at the latest. Thursday morning, the deal suddenly came together. The people he was negotiating with signed the contract by 11:00 AM and left to deal with a crisis in one of their East Coast operations. With the change in plans, he could take the 1:45 p.m. shuttle on Thursday and be home by dinner. He rushed to the airport. He wanted Susan to know he was on his way home, so, once in the air, he called Susan's office from the in-flight phone. "Jenson, Sharone and Anderson, how may I help you?" the receptionist greeted him. "Oh, where's Jennifer?" Early asked. Jennifer, Susan's personal secretary, usually answered Susan's calls on the direct line Early called. "Mrs. Conroy's secretary is out of the office today and tomorrow. May I help you?" came the perky response from the office receptionist. "May I speak to Mrs. Conroy?" he asked. "Um, Mrs. Conroy is tied up at the moment. I'm not sure when she might be available. Would you like to leave a message for her?" was the reply from a suddenly mildly flustered receptionist. Something in the woman's voice activated Early's well-trained people skills. He thought for a moment. "No, thanks. I'll call back later," he said and he hung up. The conversation with the receptionist troubled him, but it took him another half hour to put his finger on it. Susan told him on the phone last night that she would be in the office all day today. Still, it was possible she was working on a legal file or with a client and couldn't be pulled away. The real stickler was Jennifer's absence. Susan made it a point to have Jennifer working the same hours she did. The only times Early remembered Jennifer out of the office when Susan was working were when she was sick. The plane landed on time in Seattle, and he was home by 6:35 PM. Susan wasn't there and the house was dark, which was surprising. The only times his wife worked late was at her office. If she was with a client, she was almost always home by 6 PM. He called her private office number again, only to get the answering machine. He left no message. Early unpacked, tossed his dirty linen in the hamper, and changed clothes. When Susan wasn't home by eight o'clock, he made himself a toasted cheese sandwich for dinner. He started to sit in front of the TV to wait, but worrying about Susan overcame him. Had she had an accident? But if she had, someone would have called the house, and, at least, left a message. He was too restless to sit still and he found himself pacing the floor. He dialed her cell phone, but received the "out of service" message, indicating the phone was turned off. The suspicion something was terribly wrong had grown to a hot ember by 9:20 when his own cell phone rang. "Early, I was getting worried when I hadn't heard from you, but then I realized my cell was off. I'm so sorry about that." "No problem. Where are you?" Early asked. "At home," she replied. Was there a change in the timbre of her voice or had Early imagined it? "I'm just finished cleaning up the kitchen. It's been lonely around here without you." "I miss you, too, baby," he replied. His eyes were fixed on the darkened, deserted kitchen of their home. "No wife there," he thought. He said, "I tried to get you at the office this afternoon." He let the sentence hang and waited for Susan to reply. "I was there," Susan finally said. "They told me you couldn't be interrupted. Something important going on?" "Uh, I was working with John Stickner. He got me through that mess with the Melrose account this week. I owe him big time for that," she said with a voice that seemed to have a hidden meaning in it, one which Early couldn't yet fathom. "Honey, after I was able to turn that disaster around, it looks like I'm going to get that partnership! Mr. Jenson practically promised it to me!" Susan crowed. "Isn't that grand?" "It sure is honey. We'll have to celebrate when I get back. I'm just sorry I wasn't there to get the celebration off the ground." "Don't worry about that, love. Will you be home Sunday as scheduled?" Susan asked. "Right on target." he replied. "We can start our fiesta Sunday when you come home. It's going to be lonely in that big bed without you tonight." After chatting about domestic issues for a few minutes, they broke the connection. Early thought of the many lies Susan had thrown at him. Until tonight, he believed his marriage and their love was solid and strong. It had been something he never questioned. Now he feared the worst. Early Conroy was a man who always chose action over inaction. Discovering facts and making decisions under pressure was what he did for a living. He suspected his wife was lying to him and he needed more information. He began to go through Susan's belongings, writing down on his legal pad anything he thought was missing and carefully returning everything to its exact place so she wouldn't discover his investigation. He inventoried her clothes, her chest-of-drawers, and her closet before turning his attention to her medicine cabinet and cosmetics. He finished with her home computer. The computer yielding nothing but the clothing search proved fruitful. She had not taken sporting clothes, such as things she would wear if she was going to play tennis. She had taken her slinky black cocktail dress, a stunning pants suit, and her best high heeled shoes. She had taken her sexiest lingerie, including her red teddy and her lacy g-string panties. She hadn't taken her regular swim suit but her thong bikini, the one she refused to wear anywhere except in their own back yard by their hot tub, was missing. Most significantly, her birth control pills were gone from the medicine cabinet. Early knew his wife's habits. If she thought she might be gone overnight, she packed those pills. Since Susan had mentioned John Stickner, Early decided to begin there. He found Stickner's address in Susan's home office Rolodex. They owned a dark green Explorer used to tow their camping trailer and for trips into the Cascade Mountains. Since they rarely drove it in town and it was a common vehicle in a common color, it would be less conspicuous than his Mercedes. He drove the Explorer to Susan's Bellevue office, entered the parking garage, and drove directly to her private parking space. Susan's gray BMW wasn't there. To be sure, he checked every car in the garage before departing. With a sinking heart, he drove towards John Stickner's home. He found it in a wooded area in the exclusive Medina area. The grounds were surrounded with an eight foot red brick fence and heavily shadowed with towering fir trees. As he slowly drove by, he saw Susan's BMW parked beside the garage where it didn't block the circular driveway. The house was dark, without a light to be seen. Death can come slowly with old age or the ravages of cancer. Death can come quickly, with the screeching of tires on the highway or a heart attack. However death arrives, there is intense pain - a pain no one can share or relieve. The death of love is the same - quick or slow there is enervating pain. With Early Conroy, it came quickly as he sat in a green Ford Explorer on an exclusive street outside an expensive home wherein his beloved wife, Susan, was fucking another man. Early felt his body tingle and a cold, clammy sweat break out on his forehead. He threw open the car door, took a single step, and fell to his knees to puke out his guts in the damp grass. He puked until only green bile remained. Wobbly, he staggered to his feet and climbed back in the driver's seat. He started his car and went home. When he got home, Early called Steve Majors, the head of security at his company. "Jesus, Early, it's one fifteen in the morning. What the hell's wrong?" Steve exclaimed. "I need the name and number of the private investigators the company uses," Early said. Steve gave Early the name of John Wells and Wells' home phone number. "Anything else, Early?" Steve asked. "I want my phone bugged," Early replied. "Tell Wells. They'll do it. Do you want to talk?" Steve said. "No. Thanks for the information," Early replied. Early called John Wells and explained what he wanted. By four a.m., the Stickner house was under surveillance. Early had no desire to sleep or drink or eat. He was a man possessed with a single thought: end his marriage as quickly as possible. He could not stay married to Susan. He didn't love her. Not now. Her betrayal severed his love like the falling blade of the guillotine severed Louis XVI's head. Nothing could repair it. Early knew men and women who had taken back their spouses after adultery. Once, he thought that was both civilized and loving, but now that he was the cuckold, he couldn't imagine a man letting a cheating wife back into his bed or his life. Early went to the basement room where Susan stored old things. There were boxes of hers he had never opened. Now, he rummaged through them. He read her high school and college diaries. There he found evidence she was sexually active with eight men before he met her. She had told him three. He wondered if that was the first lie she had ever told him. But he found nothing to indicate she had cheated on him. He found references to him and how she loved him and loved sex with him. They made his stomach churn. At six a.m., he called Paul Landon, general counsel for his company. Paul was already at his desk in the office. Early asked Paul for the name of the best divorce attorney in the Seattle area. "Her name is Cynthia Rodgers. I'll have her call you," Paul said. Ten minutes later, Cynthia Rodgers called Early. They talked for twenty minutes as he told her his situation and what he wanted out of the divorce and she gave advice. She promised divorce papers would be filed before the day was over. Early returned the task of searching through their belongings for clues without uncovering any more. At nine, Early was at their bank. He began by purchasing bank money orders payable to his attorney and his private investigators for their estimated fees. He opened a new account in his name only and transferred half the money remaining in the joint accounts to it, before removing his name from the old accounts. He was home by ten fifteen. By ten thirty, all joint credit cards had been cancelled. He thanked his lucky stars that they had kept separate brokerage and investment accounts, so he didn't have to unravel their investments. He did contact his broker to remove Susan's authority to use his accounts. Since it was clear Susan wasn't coming home, he called her office. When the receptionist answered instead of Jennifer, he just asked if he could speak with Mrs. Conroy. When she told him Mrs. Conroy wasn't available, he thanked her, told her it wasn't a pressing problem, and asked when he should call again. "She's out of the office on personal business and won't return until 9:00 Monday morning. Would you like to leave a message?" was the friendly response. Early left no message for her. Early pulled the Explorer out of the garage and drove toward Bellevue, stopping for a breakfast so belated he had to call it brunch. It was 11:30 when he sat down and ordered eggs and pancakes with hot tea. His stomach was too upset to take coffee. Eating slowly, having to force each bite to stay down, he finally finished the meal, paid for it, and left the restaurant an hour later. He returned to the road past Stickner's place. Susan's car, still in Stickner's driveway, had not moved. His P.I. was no where to be seen. Early called the P.I. firm from his cell phone and asked for John Wells. In a moment, Wells came on the line. "I'm out by the Stickner place and your operative isn't here," Early said coldly. "Shit, man, get out of there," Wells replied. "If they saw you, it will blow everything." "But..." Early began. "Get out of there. Go somewhere, park, and call me back," Wells ordered. Ten minutes later, Early called Wells again. "All right. What's going on?" Early demanded. "Are you parked?" Wells asked. "Yes," Early replied curtly. Wells said, "Our first operative is back in the office, but his replacement is on site." Wells chuckled. "We're old pros at this, Mr. Conroy. You aren't supposed to see us." "Where is he?" Early asked. "There's a park behind the Stickner property. He parked on that street, worked his way to Stickner's property line, and climbed a tree. We have proof positive of your wife's adultery, Mr. Conroy." Wells waited, listening for the slightest clue of Early's state of mind. He had never met his client and he didn't want anything bad to happen. It was the reason he told him to park before they talked. Finally, he heard Early breathe. It sounded like a shudder. "Go on," Early said. His voice sounded drained. "It's a good thing you called us in the middle of the night. It seems they like early morning sex outdoors by his hot tub." "What do the pictures show?" Early asked. "Do you really want to know?" Wells responded. "I do," Early said. "Everything. Missionary position. Anal. Fellatio. But the best are of them doing it doggy style. Both of them were facing our camera, and our man click-clicked away." Wells waited almost a minute before asking, "Since we have the proof, do you want to continue the surveillance? I mean, the meter is running." "Keep after it until I tell you to stop," Early replied. "When can I get prints of the photos?" "Later today. He took over two hundred shots, so we haven't developed them all yet." "Give me fifteen or so, all in eleven by fifteen, and all showing their faces." "We'll deliver them to your house. Any for your lawyer?" "Not now, but I want all the pictures developed so we can send them to her later," Early replied. Early drove home, his mind numb from loss yet thinking clearly. His marriage and the life he had enjoyed were over. He wondered if he would ever smile again. He wondered what would become of him. Whatever it was, it would be better without Susan. On that point, he was perfectly clear and without a doubt. Home wasn't home any longer. It was a house. Nothing more. Yet, Early hated it. As he drove into the driveway, he was tempted to go out to a motel or sleep on the damn street or anywhere but there. He steeled himself and parked his car in the garage. There was too much to do to walk away now. Early called Catherine Means, a realtor they knew. Catherine and her husband were old friends of theirs. "Hi, Early?" Catherine said brightly. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?" "I want to sell the house. Can you come over now to do the paper work?" "Are you and Susan moving?" Catherine asked. "We're getting divorced on grounds of adultery. Hers, not mine. The house is in my name only because I bought it before we married, so I can sign the papers. But I want it done now, Cathy. And I want the for-sale sign up in front by seven." "Early, I..." Catherine began. "No counseling. No discussion. You're a realtor and I'm a home seller. Nothing more. If you can't do it that way, I need to find a realtor who can," Early said. "We'll do it your way, Early," Catherine replied. "I'll be there in thirty minutes." Early had not picked Catherine idly. She loved to talk. She would spread word of the Conroy divorce and why it happened in their social group and beyond. She might even come on to him. She had once before at a party given by a mutual friend, but he had turned her down. He hoped she wouldn't approach him now. Sex didn't interest him at the moment and he didn't want to deal with someone else's cheating wife. Early went from room to room in the house that once was his home. He saw the memories and shoved those thoughts aside. He was planning what to take with him and what he ultimately wanted, making notes on his legal pad. He was in the basement when he heard the doorbell ring. Expecting Catherine, he girded himself as he answered the door, but it was a messenger from the P.I. firm with his copies of the pictures. Early looked through them quickly. They did show Susan and John Stickner eagerly engaging in consensual sex. As he placed them on the mantle, he felt his stomach roil. He barely made it to the toilet before he puked again. But this time was different. Unlike the first time he vomited over his mess of a marriage, he didn't have the shakes and the cold sweats were milder. Early took that as a good sign. Hell, in times like those, he would take whatever good signs came his way. Catherine was the consummate professional when she arrived, never once asking about the impending divorce. She got the contract signed and installed a for-sale sign in the front yard, then left without further comment. At five fifteen, Cynthia Rodgers, Early's divorce attorney, called to inform him the divorce papers were filed before the courthouse closed at five. "Is a copy on the way to me?" Early asked. "Yes," Cynthia replied. "Good. I'll serve them on her." "Only if you have a disinterested party witness it," Cynthia said. "We need proof she was served the papers." "My P.I. will photograph me giving them to her," Early said. "That will work," Cynthia said. Early then called John Wells again and asked what was happening. "The second operative is in for the day. He got a few pictures but nothing as damning as the ones taken earlier. Our current operative just called in. They are on the move. He said they were dressed like they were going someplace fancy and had suitcases with them." "Keep following them," Early said. "And I need something else. I want someone out here ASAP to take pictures of the stuff in the house." "A photographic inventory?" Wells asked. "Exactly, but I need a witness, too. I need proof of what I did to her just in case she claims I did something violent, and I need proof the divorce papers were served." Wells asked neutrally, "Are you feeling particularly violent?" "No," Early replied. "But she and her lover are lawyers and liars by profession and practice. I just want to get out of this thing the best I can." "We should video rather than use stills," Wells said. "Good idea. Call me when they get to their restaurant. I'll call her there and confront her," Early said. "Do you want an operative to stay with you later?" "Why?" Early asked. "As a witness that you didn't do any harm to her after you confronted her?" Wells asked. How High a Price: Another View - M Authors Angst... This is not a stand-alone story. In order to understand it, you must read E. Z. Riter's "How High a Price - Another View," Mr. Riter's version of The Troubadour's excellent "How High a Price," With Mr. Riter's permission and The Troubadour's I'm using the characters from both their stories. I have attempted to pick up exactly where Mr. Riter's story stopped. This is my second shot at this excellent tale.. It's what I wanted to do the first time but I hadn't received permission from Mr. Ritter. Since I'd started on the assumption that I'd get it, I slapped together a different start and posted "HHAP-The Next Step." I hoped that Mr. Ritter or some one else would send a reply so I could write my ending and waited. Mr. Ritter took pity wrote the reply letter found in this story. I've used it with his permission. Finally, if you've read and remember my earlier take on HHAP, "The Next Step," there are only a few minor changes until Early's reply to Susan's letter. If you skip to that point, you won't really miss anything. How High a Price: Another View - M Susan had been right about one thing. The passage of time had cooled the anger of the moment. Now, the fire of pain and resentment inside him was a cold and lifeless pile of ashes hidden under the calm and positive demeanor his friends recognized as the Early of old. He carefully composed a letter to Susan in response to her letter: Susan: I read your letter, and I will read it again on the anniversary of our divorce for the next six years. I didn't just spend an hour but full day thinking about the issues between us. I have given it time as you also requested. I have considered at length what you set forth in your letter. This is to inform you that I will not tolerate you in my life in any continuing manner, which includes both your proposed financial arrangements and also producing children from my sperm. What was between us is dead. It cannot be resurrected. As for the impact of my decision on you and your potential offspring, I quote another man's comments to his cheating wife: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." I am anticipating your fulfillment of your commitment to leave me alone from this point forth. Early A. Conroy Cynthia Rodgers read the letter as Early sat opposite her across her desk. "Are you sure?" Cynthia asked. "Completely. Positively. Unequivocally," Early replied. Cynthia nodded. "The paper work is completed. You'll be divorced by Monday," she said. Early thanked Cynthia and shook her hand. When he left her office and exited the building onto the street, he realized, for the first time in months, there was a song in his heart and a bounce in his step. Chapter 4: The Foundation Almost Three years later: Early was in a bad mood. Being in a bad mood was a common occurrence recently. Damn! It was still three weeks until he had to read that letter from his cheating slut of an ex-wife and the dread was as bad as the event. Every time he thought about just how manipulative she was it made him furious--with himself--for marrying her. Early parked his new Mercedes in an open slot and looked around. This was one of the rougher parts of town. The cops didn't have to patrol in pairs here, but they did. "Well I guess it shows these folks aren't wasting any money on things that don't affect their mission," he mumbled under his breath as he got out of the car. "It's a good cause though and I promised." The door to the store front location was unlocked as he entered the place. It doesn't look any better on the inside, he thought. From a room down a hall that he assumed was the conference room a disembodied voice called out, "Early, if that's you come on back and we'll officially welcome you to the board." Opening the door he saw eight people seated around a battered conference table. Their clothes and accoutrements spoke of an affluence at odds with the surroundings. Harry Wilson, a recent 'best friend' rose to greet him. "Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce Early Conroy. My company began doing business with his company and I've never meet a more competent trouble shooter. "I really appreciation your willingness to serve on this board, we need you badly." Early had to smile, Wilson was one of the world's good guys even if he wasn't too proud to twist a few arms, but he hadn't had to twist Early's. "You were very persuasive, Harry, but the truth is I'd decided several months ago I wanted to help. I was just guilty of procrastination." After everyone was introduced, Wilson said, "Okay Early, the way we do this is we take turns reading a request and then we brainstorm how we might accomplish the wish or decide if it's beyond our means. Then we'll take up the next one. Your skills as a problem solver are going to be invaluable. "Here's the first one. A seven year old girl, with advanced leukemia, would like to help rescue wild mustangs in Oklahoma. It was something her parents did before she got sick and they always promised they'd take her when she got old enough." Early felt like someone had hit him in the gut, "Jesus, Harry, I'll buy the whole family plane tickets to where ever..." The woman on his right put a gentle arm on his, "If it were that easy, Early, it would have been handled by the staff. She'll need to be transported by air ambulance. She'll need round-the-clock nursing care; but the biggest hurdle is all the legal liability issues at the other end. After all, the reason we here is because the Make-a-Wish Foundation was sued out of existence in this city after they took some terminal kids hunting. People are scared to death that if something were to happen to one of those kids they'd be sued to death. The sad truth is that some of our clients have sued... " As if on queue Susan Edwards, Esq., walked into the room. When Susan saw Early, her whole face lit up with a beautiful smile. Early felt his settle into a scowl. The woman continued, "Early, I'd like to introduce our legal genius who, single handedly has been keeping us out of trouble for the last two years. Sue Edwards, this is our newest board member Early Conroy." Susan's eye's made contact with Early's and Early couldn't contain his contempt as a wave of rage washed over him. All pleasure left Susan's expression. She very carefully turned so she was not speaking to Early. "Mr. Conroy and I have met." Looking around the table she then said, "I'm sorry I'm late..." Early watched her carefully as she continued. Susan always was brilliant, and she was still beautiful. If she weren't a manipulative slut Early knew he'd be interested. After the meeting broke up, Early tried to get Harry alone. As much as he wanted to help this group, he simply couldn't work in an organization that included Susan. As the meeting progressed Early had been forced to admit, grudgingly, that she was indeed central to the group's success and that it was a work of her heart. Although it made him mad, he had decided that he needed to withdraw from the board. He'd continue to help them as he could. Even his short association with them made him realize that he needed to be involved in efforts to give back some of what he'd been blessed to receive. As much as this effort tugged at his heart-strings, he'd just have to find someplace else. Unfortunately, Susan and other members of the board were involved in a second impromptu meeting as soon as the formal meeting ended. When he got home Early wrestled with his conscience. Part of what appealed to him about the organization was the kids. Early loved kids and was slowly coming to the conclusion that he might never have any. It was just another reason that he hadn't been able to let go of his anger with Susan. Because of her, he knew what real love was and as much as he'd tried, he hadn't been able to love anyone else. He thought frequently about what his private investigator Bill Miller had told him that night about trust and marriage. He had just assumed that when he got rid of Susan that trusting someone else would be natural. It wasn't. As a fit and wealthy single man, finding dates hadn't been a problem. With the help of friends he was overrun with women looking to fill the hole Susan had left in his heart. Several of those had ended up in his bed. Two had even become serious monogamous relationships. The problem was that even after a month or two he still wanted to use a condom. He simply couldn't trust a woman not to cheat and that destroyed any hope there might have been. After the last relationship crashed and burned a few months ago, one of his oldest friends had taken Early out for a wine and song, no women because he was married. In the early morning hours they were solving all the problems of the world when his friend blurted, "Early when are you going to forgive Susan and go on with your life?" Early was just mellow enough to not respond with his characteristic anger. He was just drunk enough for the Latin "en vino veritas" or "when you're drunk you let the truth slip out." In drunken profundity said, "It's that damn letter I have to read every year. Just when I think I can get past her I have to read what that manipulative bitch wrote and know that I've got to do it for years to come." His friend looked him in the eyes and said, "Early, if that's all it were you'd just laugh at how lucky you were to be quit of her. I'm not saying you need to take her back. I wouldn't, but you've got to get past this for your own sake." His friend paused, looking so sober it made Early concentrate to appear less drunk, himself. "Early, what is your hatred doing to Susan? How is it hurting her? Does she even feel it? Is your hate ruining her life? Indignant and still very drunk. Early slammed his fist on the table. "It sure is, it's making her miserable!" Still looking him deeply in his eyes the friend then asked, "How do you know Early? Have you seen her or asked?" Feeling smug as only a drunk can, Early almost sneered, "She told me so in her damn letter!" Looking a bit sad now the friend asked, "Do you believe her? If you can't trust her, why do you believe anything she has ever said? If you do believe her then why can't you trust her? Ah shit, this is getting too deep for me. Let's have another round. What do you think the Huskies will be favored by on Saturday? It should be a great football game." As Early got ready for bed he felt his anger bubble up. That bitch didn't so much as say a single word to him. Not a "how are you" nor even a polite "hello." The next morning he'd been at work for a little more than an hour when Harry called. "Early, what's the deal with you and Sue? She called this first thing this morning and said she was going to have to withdraw from the foundation. She tried to tell me that she had some sort of conflict of interest, but a blind man could see how upset she was every time she looked your way. What's going on?" He gave a rather mirthless chuckle. "Was she your ex-wife's lawyer or something?" "No, she's my ex-wife. Harry, I was going to call you latter today and tell you that I was going to have to withdraw from the board. I'll be happy to continue to support the effort financially and you can call on me for anything that I can do as long as it doesn't involve Susan." "Early, I had no idea! I was kidding since I knew you were divorced and I knew she only took men's divorce cases, she's helped a lot of dads get to see their kids. She's famous in some circles. Look, I understand, I hate to see you leave..." The conversation continued and turned professional at the end. It was just a phone call so why did it upset Early so much to hear that Susan had tried to withdraw? The more he thought about it the madder he got. What right did she have to try to avoid him? He certainly hadn't done anything wrong. Later that morning Harry called him back. "Early, could you meet me for lunch? This has turned into a rather delicate situation and I'd like to buy you lunch and see if I can get you to help me." It took most of Early's self control and a reminder just how important Harry's business was to his firm to keep from saying "Not only no, but HELL NO!" Instead he allowed Harry to name one of the more exclusive restaurants in Seattle for a late lunch meeting. When he got there Harry was waiting for him. After an excellent meal and two glasses of vintage Port, Early was feeling a bit mellow. "Early, I don't know how to say this diplomatically, but the foundation needs Sue. I don't want to get involved in your business, but she's insisting that we not let you leave the board. She said you are a great asset and she's proud of you for joining. She also made it very clear that she wouldn't continue to volunteer even if you left. I couldn't even get her to come today or to call you. Look Early, I feel terrible about this, and I'll give you a blank IOU, but you've got to talk to her and convince her. Early, to be blunt, we can get along without you, but she's irreplaceable. I need you to talk to her. Convince her that either you'll work with her or convince her that you will not serve, and she must." Early sat in silence trying to make sense of the emotions battling inside, ultimately curiosity proved stronger than anger or hurt. "Did she say why she wouldn't come to lunch?" Early winced as the question came out with more provocation than he intended. "No, but it wasn't too hard to figure out that she feels guilty about something and is doing her best not to interfere with your choices. That's why we're having this conversation and I'm making an ass of myself. I got the very strong impression that she'll do whatever you want her to." Harry paused then continued in a soften tone. "You don't get to where I am without being able to read people. It's pretty clear you're carrying some baggage around about what happened. After all this time it might help you to talk to her too. Get it off your chest so to speak. Why don't you let me set up a meeting?" Early sighed, "Okay, I'll meet with her, I don't know that it'll do any good..." Harry's whole countenance changed into one of those professional hale-fellow-well-met salesman types. "Good! I was hoping you'd agree, I asked her to meet me here tonight for dinner at 7:00. I couldn't get her to agree to meet with you, so if you'll arrive a little late, I'll leave and let you two hash this out. Dinner will be on me, so splurge." Early had been taking Prilosec for almost two years, but immediately recognized the sour acid stomach as he walked into the restaurant. He saw Susan and Harry. Harry spotted him, but Susan had her back to him. Early suppressed a belch and motioned to Harry that he'd be just a minute before he joined them. Turning to the hostess who had been escorting him he got directions to a place to buy Tums. Ten minutes later Early again approached the table, this time he had to acknowledge that the pain in his stomach wasn't going to be solved by antacids. He stepped to where the place setting awaited him, on Susan's right and Harry's left. "I'm sorry I'm late, I had a last second task I had to take care of. Hello Susan, you're looking nice." Early had been watching Susan's body language from the time she first caught sight of him. Again her first reaction was that dazzling smile, but this was almost instantly replaced by a withering glance shot at Harry. When Early spoke to her, she looked up at him her eyes pleading with him, but Early couldn't figure out just what it was she wanted." Even before Early was fully seated Harry was getting out of his chair, "Susan, I set this up. You two need to talk about the foundation, and I'm not going to intrude. I told Early that the meal is on me..." Susan was fumbling with her coat as she struggled to get out of her chair, "Harry! I can't believe you've done this, I told you I'm not allowed to talk to Early..." Early felt like he'd been dropped into an episode of the Keystone Kops, but one where the item being dragged wasn't a ladder truck but emotional baggage. Turning to Susan he said, "Please, stay, we do need to talk. I agreed to do this; you're not breaking your word." Again Susan turned those pleading eyes on him, and Early couldn't remember ever seeing her look so yearning, then those eyes began to tear up. "What? Why are you about to cry?" "Early, I have so little left. My integrity is about my only comfort. I promised you I would stay out of your life, and I've done it..." "Yes, you have and I appreciate it, but this isn't you coming into my life; it's me intruding on yours." Yeah you kept out of my life, except for that damn letter... Susan was studying him carefully. He watched her eyes focus on his left eye first then the other then back again before she continued, "Early, may I say one thing about us? If you let me, I promise I'll do whatever you want. You just tell me and you won't even have to stay for the rest of dinner." Early felt his anger surge and had to bite off a sarcastic retort. Not trusting his voice he nodded his assent. "Early, please don't ever read that letter from me again. I'm so sorry I made you do that. I didn't mean to manipulate you that way. I've wanted to ask you for two years to ignore your promise but I didn't know any way to get a message to you." Early did a slow blink and pulled back in surprise; then suspicious, asked, "That's it? You don't have another request?" Susan bowed her head and shook it no. Looking at her silverware she asked softly, "What do you want me to do about the foundation? They really could use your talent." Early wasn't sure exactly what he was feeling when he said, "They need you more, and I'm not going to work with you Susan. If you mean what you said, I want you to continue doing what you've been doing and I'll find another group to work with." Susan continued to look at the tablecloth that her tears were now wetting. She waited a few pregnant seconds and said softly, "Okay, Early, I'll stay. If you ever decide you want to go back on the board just tell Harry and I'll quit." Early's stomach was killing him, he wanted to lash out at her; seeing her so submissive infuriated him, but his tone was ice cold when he said, "Good, I've lost my appetite, I hope you don't mind eating alone." Not waiting for an answer he stood and strode out of the restaurant. When he got to his car he was shaking with suppressed rage. He desperately wanted to storm back to the table and rail at her. He wanted to cut her to ribbons with words he knew would sear her very soul. It took several minutes to get his emotions sufficiently under control to drive back to his condo. Chapter 5 - Trouble at Work? If Early had been in a bad mood before, now it was positively putrid. He wasn't aware that his staff was approaching him with trepidation, while treating him as if he were made of the most fragile crystal. It was only when the CEO called him in to his office Friday afternoon and asked what was wrong that Early realized just how big a prick he'd been. They talked and Early explained about his meeting with Susan. "Early, when did you last take a vacation?" Early blinked, he couldn't remember, "I'm not sure..." "You're on vacation now." He picked up his phone and dialed a number. "Lynn, did you get that cruise ticket? Any luck on a different suite? No, I said I wanted something special. What's it going to set us back? Ouch, I didn't give you a budget, but ouch! No, get the confirmation. Good job!" Early, I'm sending you on a cruise before your whole staff stages a walkout. Your flight leaves tomorrow afternoon and the ship leaves the day after. We're paying for the Master's Suite on Radisson's Seven Seas Mariner from LA to San Francisco to Bora Bora, Tahiti and back to LA. That's 27 nights and it's worth every cent of the 60K plus it's costing, so enjoy." Early felt his temper build, "I don't need a cruise..." "Early, four of your staff have either come to see me or sent emails. No, they weren't complaining, they're worried about you. I checked before you came up, you haven't had a vacation since before your divorce. You know it's our policy that vacations are mandatory. I'm not sure how you got around it, but you can either take this cruise or you can begin cleaning out your desk." Early looked at the man who made million dollar deals every week and he couldn't read him. "Remind me not to play poker with you..." The CEO laughed, "I'm a terrible poker player, I can't bluff, but that gives me a real advantage in business. I shoot straight and I will walk away if the deal isn't there. I don't want to fire you Early, but if you don't go I will. By the way, that's a 2000 square foot two bedroom suite and it won't cost us a dime more if you take a friend. Now get out and don't let me see you until after that ship docks." How High a Price: Another View - M Early started to protest that he had several irons in the fire, but seeing the expression he said, "I'll take my laptop so if you need me..." When Early got to his condo he checked out what to expect on the ship. He saw the dress would range from country club casual to formal. Early had a couple of tuxedoes he could take but he would run out of casual clothes long before the cruise was over. He saw the floor plan for his suite. It had two private dining rooms, one indoors and one on his own private balcony. This was a dream vacation, one of those once in a lifetime experiences. The finest cabin on the highest-rated cruise ship on the ocean. It was only as he contemplated the two bedrooms that his stomach hurt. Even ignoring the short time frame, there wasn't a single soul in the world that Early wanted to have with him on the trip. What would be fabulous with a partner looked like torture alone. Chapter 6 – The Cruise Sunday, April 16th Los Angeles: Early stood on his private balcony as the ship pulled away from the dock. Departure time had been delayed and it was getting dark. He'd made a reservation at the Signatures restaurant for himself, his niece, Kristin, and her husband, Mark. The college couple were the only members of his family who could get away on such short notice and they would be going only as far as Hawaii eight days from now. A few people threw those streamer things at the dock, but the lack of anyone to see them off ruined the image of the Bon Voyage parties of Black & White movies. Dinner was everything one would expect from a restaurant that advertised it served cuisine from around the world, all prepared using the Cordon Bleu method. Early actually had the chicken Cordon Bleu. It was preceded by a shrimp cocktail served in a one of those special two part goblets where one part sits on ice inside the other, except these where both made of cut crystal. It was followed by a fruit salad with very special poppy seed dressing served on fine bone china. The main course, served on gold-rimmed plates of the ship's custom pattern made Early forget about just how many calories, fat and cholesterol the cheese and ham stuffed chicken represented. The service was impeccable and Early knew he'd be adding something to expected 20% of the ticket price tip his company had already paid. After dinner Kristin and Mark had gone to one of the lounge areas to dance and Early returned to his suite to watch the sunset. By dark, they were out of sight of land and Early decided to check on his email. The first thing he discovered was that "For a nominal fee, guests may send or receive e-mail via computers on board." Who the hell thought nominal meant fifty cents a minute? The connection was as slow as a dial-up line. Still, when you considered where they were, it wasn't how well the elephant danced but that it danced at all. As soon as he logged in to the company he received a message that said, "Early, all your email is being diverted. If you expect any personal messages you'll need to notify them of your address on the ship. All your passwords have already been changed and you will not get the new ones until you arrive in person. Attempting to hack our system is grounds for termination. Now go have fun!" The next week was one of the most relaxing of Early's entire life. It was a precious time to get to know Kristin and Mark. Early spent a lot of time in the hot tubs, and just sleeping on the deck chairs. He spent even more time avoiding other passengers. The ratio of single women to single men on the 700-passenger ship was nine to one. The only problem was that those closest to his age were either old enough to be his grandmother or young enough to be his daughter! By the time Kristin and Mark left on April 26th, Early was rested out. Thursday night the 27th was a formal night and Early was lonesome. Ship to shore telephone service was available, at $7.50 per minute and Early couldn't think of anyone whom he would enjoy visiting at that rate. He'd played Civilization IV until he was winning in less than four hours and he wasn't interested in the fabulous shows provided by the ship. What he wanted was someone to share this time with and it pained him that there was no one. His elderly aunt might try to join him when they arrive at Tahiti, but that wasn't really the sort of companionship he wanted. He'd been amused when he read the ship's booklet to find that soliciting was reason to be put off the ship at the nearest port. Now, he briefly wondered if there might be player or two available among the staff. The ship had a fully equipped casino, but while Early had no problem with gambling, he so hated to lose that casino games didn't appeal to him. Instead of dressing in his tux he decided to have dinner served in his suite for the first time. The food was exquisite, but the company was lousy. For the first time since that night at the restaurant, he wasn't able to dismiss the image of Susan's smile from his memory. After turning out the lights, he reclined his deckchair on his private, enclosed balcony and looked up at the stars. The ship's own light pollution blotted out many, but the formations he could see were spectacular, although they looked different this close to the equator. Looking at the sky had fascinated mankind from the most ancient of days. As Early felt the gentle sway of the ship, he listened to the quiet whisper of the wind moving past his glass bubble. At some point he saw a shooting star and the isolation oozed into him. He was on a ship with 700 passengers, but that ship was alone in the Pacific Ocean. As his soul reached out, he understood at a profound level that no ancient shepherd had ever been as removed from civilization. No doubt there were satellites orbiting, but to Early's naked eye, his ship was the only sign of man that could be seen. As removed as the ship was from the rest of the world, so Early felt removed from his fellow passengers, from the rest of humanity. A never understood phrase, "It is not good that man should be alone," reverberated in his soul. Early closed his eyes to sleep but instead looked deeper inside himself. "Why, Susan?" he asked the inky sky in a husky voice. In the ensuing silence he realized that he wasn't sure exactly what he was asking. Why had she ruined their marriage? Why had she cheated? Why had she written that letter? Why had she released him? He'd been nibbling around the edges of those questions ever since he boarded the ship, dismissing them as soon as he became aware of them, but his mind had never quite let them go. Now as he faced them squarely, he knew he needed answers. Early snorted, I don't want them bad enough to call her though, even if it didn't cost $7.50 per minute. On a whim, he booted his laptop, connected to the ship's network and sent a message to Cynthia, his friendly divorce attorney. The one sentence note asked if she would contact Susan and see if Susan would be willing to answer a few questions. He no sooner clicked send than he wished he'd never sent it. Even if he were to send a second message asking Cynthia to ignore the last one, he'd asked Pandora to open her damn box. Cynthia and her husband were now close friends. They'd been the second people he'd contacted about coming on the cruise. She couldn't get out of her court dates and had to decline. However, she'd also been one of the more persistent about urging Early to settle his issues with Susan. If Early were to send a second message, she was more than capable of looking him right in the eye and saying "I never opened the second one until after I'd already contacted Susan." It'd be the truth, but a lawyer's truth... "Too late now," Early mumbled and logged off. The ship's screen announced he'd been online for six minutes and his account had been charged $3.00. "Shit, three bucks spent to open my own personal can of worms... at least Cynthia won't bill me for the can opener." Early sighed deeply, closed the laptop on his chest and savored what he feared would be the last peace he'd enjoy for a while as contents of Pandora's spread its pestilence across the world. As he examined the stars, the nature of his solitude seemed to change. The vast distances didn't seem so much to isolate, as to insulate. Trouble was coming, but even trouble needed time to find a solitary ship at sea. The heat of the laptop felt like a comforting hot water bottle on his chest and without intending to, Early fell asleep. Chapter 7 – The Trouble with Email Early was rumpled, stiff and pissed long before dawn Friday morning. He'd spent the whole night in the deck chair and at some point his laptop had fallen off his chest to the steel deck and now it wouldn't boot. It was fully backed up... at home. There wasn't anything he needed, but it had provided a nice source of solitary entertainment, and that was now gone. A steward had slipped a fax under his door during the night from Cynthia. Receiving faxes was free, sending them only required a nominal charge. The kind of charge that required you to take out a multi-generational mortgage. I called Susan to confirm her email address. She said to use the one below and she would monitor it all day. Please don't keep her waiting. Cyn Early snorted, Yeah, you called her to 'confirm' my ass. I wonder just how long that conversation lasted and just how long it took you to start it? Still, with a broken laptop he had an excellent excuse to postpone a conversation that looked even less desirable in the light of day, especially at fifty cents a minute for email. Early made his way the ship's internet café at 6:30 local time and noted it was 9:30 in Seattle. At least this way Susan wouldn't have to spend all day looking for his email, Early hated having to do that. He sent the following message then wandered to La Veranda to see if some breakfast would put him in a better mood. Susan, I've been bothered by our last meeting and I wanted to ask you some questions in private. However, I broke my laptop last night. So, unless you're prepared to meet me at the Fanning Islands, they'll have to wait until I can buy a new one in Tahiti. I didn't mean for Cyn to imply there was any rush. I've just had too much idle time on this cruise. Early Early had put the entire matter out of his mind by the time he attended a lecture about tiny Fanning Island, one of the most inaccessible places on Earth. Saturday was another day at sea, and Early was able to read for pleasure. An activity he hadn't done for years. He spent several hours near the pool in a deck chair and took the opportunity to have several casual conversations. Sunday morning he awoke feeling more rested than he had in years. The ship wasn't scheduled to drop anchor until 7:00 AM. Early went to the Compass Rose restaurant for breakfast and was finished in time to watch the anchor drop and several lifeboats lowered to serve as tenders to the gorgeous island. The last thing on Earth he expected to see as he stepped ashore a little after eight Sunday morning for his "Independent exploration of Fanning Island" was a smiling but exhausted-looking Susan. "Good morning Early, I'm always prepared to meet you anytime and anywhere you'll let me. I'd never heard of Fanning Island and I don't know if you know they don't have an airport. I've never been on a seaplane before, it was so exciting I think I'm going to pass on the privilege of riding in one for the rest of my life. There's an empty cabin on the ship I've rented and I'll stay in it if you don't want to see me after our talk, but I'd rather be staked out for fire ants than fly in that little plane again. Please say I don't have to go back by seaplane." There was real pleading and fear in her eyes. Early was speechless, and he couldn't decide if he was mad or not. He didn't recall exactly what he'd emailed, but the rhetorical question probably could be construed as an invitation, but only by someone as devious as Cynthia. "You look like you've been put through the wringer, why don't you go on board and rest up. We sail at noon, if you're not awake by lunch, we can have a private dinner in my suite tonight and talk." Susan's whole face lit up, and Early realized that she must have thought he had one of those normal cruise ship cabins, not one that you could play hide and seek in. As he trudged off, Early couldn't figure out why he'd invited her into his personal space. A quick check of his emotions confirmed that he wasn't feeling any more interested in her than he had been for the last three years. He certainly wasn't still in love with her. She'd destroyed that by her adultery. As he walked around the tropical paradise, at least a paradise to those who didn't have to make a living here, he realized that he actually had reached a place where he wanted answers more than he wanted to avoid her. He would have preferred to get those answers via impersonal emails, but he had inadvertently left open the option for her to meet him in person. Damn it, that "join me had" been a rhetorical question. Which gave him the perfect first question, just how the hell did she get here? A jet to Hawaii would have been easy, but where did she get the seaplane from and how did she get there? It has to be close to a thousand miles from here to Hawaii and that little seaplane I saw taking off didn't have that kind of range. This took some careful planning and a lot of money. She's got to know that she's not going to like the questions I want to ask, why the hell did she go to all this trouble to be asked in person? The ship weighed anchor a few minutes after noon and Early wondered briefly if he should try to check for Susan before he went to lunch. Since he didn't want to eat one of the more formal dining rooms he went to the buffet at the Compass Rose. After lunch he spent almost three hours in the fitness center. He needed the exercise, both because of all the extra calories and also to work off some of the stress he'd been building as he thought about the meeting this evening. After a cool-down run of a mile on the track around deck twelve, overlooking the pool on deck eleven, Early retired to his suite and took a long shower. The suite had two bathrooms and after Kristin and Mark left he'd been using both so it didn't seem so wasteful. Early contacted his steward and arranged for dinner. Tonight was Country Club Casual which meant you didn't have to wear a coat and tie to dinner. Early had gotten to the point that he enjoyed dressing up a bit to go to dinner so if he were going to miss the dining room experience this was a good night to do it. As he was making the arrangements, he also told his steward to notify Susan about the time and that while they'd be eating in his suite, dress would be casual as well. At 7:30 on the dot there was a knock on the door. When he opened it he saw Susan and the dinner cart. She looked rested and fresh. Her hair and make-up were so perfect Early didn't notice them. What he did notice was the causal elegance that had always attracted him to her. With the crooked grin he loved she said, "Early, I waited for food to show up before I knocked. I know you understand I'm so nervous I'm about to come out of my skin, but could we please eat before you begin your cross examination?" Early smiled back and ushered everyone into his suite. Since it was already dark, Early directed the meal to be set up in his interior dining room rather than on his porch. In less than five minutes the whole spread had been laid out and the stage set for an intimate dinner. Early immediately recognized his mistake; it set the wrong atmosphere, but there wasn't a gracious way to avoid it now. Chapter 8 – The Conversation Part 1 During dinner Susan kept the conversation flowing with a very funny narrative of her adventures traveling to meet the ship. Early didn't want to think about what it cost, but it reminded him of an episode of Phileas Fogg's Around the World in Eighty Days. "Early, I know you loved that David Niven movie, and the truth is, that after a bit my competitive juices kicked in just to see if I could pull the whole thing off. I intended to meet you on the quay and say something like 'since I was in the neighborhood,' but that float plane... I thought it was cool for about a hundred feet during take-off, but if it had taken another second to get into the air I would have aborted the whole thing. I actually wet my pants when we landed. I just barely had time to change to meet you and no time at all to recover. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you giving me the time to gather my wits. "Now, I'm ready to answer any and all questions as honestly as I can. I just want you to know that I'm not trying to evade anything if I say I have to think about what you're asking. I want you have the truth as best I can give it." Susan sat back with her hands in her lap, looking like a school girl taking a verbal exam. A second ago Early had been relaxed, basking in the glow of good food and good company. Now in a little more than a heartbeat all that was behind him. For a second he almost lost his nerve but then blurted, "Why did you cheat on me with him?" Susan's face twisted up in pain and she appeared to be searching for the right words. Finally she leaned forward and put her hands on the table and said softly, "Oh Early, I so prayed that you knew. I'm so tempted to lie because this is going to hurt you. I just hope you'll let me explain, not for my sake but for yours. You don't know that cheated on you dozens of times do you?" If Susan hadn't looked so pained, so sorry, Early might have responded differently. It almost felt like it had that night when he'd been looking at a darkened and empty kitchen she claimed to be cleaning. He'd known she'd been lying then, now he knew he was hearing the truth. As he struggled to find something to say Susan continued. Her eyes were blinking back tears but her voice was steady as she continued. "Early, I've never been faithful to anyone in my whole life. You are the only man I've ever loved, and it tears me apart to admit this to you, but if I lie by pretending it was only that one time, I'll come of looking so much better than I am." She was studying his face again, trying to get some clue as to how he was responding. The problem was that Early couldn't give her a clue because he couldn't understand himself. "I'm not a slut and I'm not some sort of nymphomaniac. I told you I would never be with another man and I haven't, but you deserve to know just what a horrible person you married. "It started with my first. It wasn't my boyfriend; I was cheating on him because I was mad at him because... I don 't suppose why I was mad matters, but I discovered I loved the feeling of being with someone for the first time. When we discussed our lovers, I told you I'd had three lovers. That was true. What I didn't tell you was that I cheated on them... I probably had twice as many sex partners as I did lovers." "Only five." Early blurted. One of the most painful discoveries he'd made as he was preparing to divorce Susan was that she'd lied about how many men she'd been sexually active with. It had been a hurtful, unnecessary and unexplainable lie. Susan looked puzzled, then contemplative as if she were counting. "Yes, yes that's right, but if you knew about them..." Early felt the oddest mixture of smug pride and embarrassment over reading her private diaries. When he explained Susan continued, "I don't know if I made it clear that all of those men were one time only--not really one night stands and not really revenge fucks, more like morale boosters in a way. How High a Price: Another View - M "It was different when I cheated on you, but the effect was the same. The only exception to the pattern was John Stickner... sort of. It's part of why I couldn't let you think that he was the only one." Early felt his temper begin to rise, "Surly you know how this makes me feel about you?" Early could see Susan's broken heart in her eyes, "I know Early, it murders my most cherished fantasy. I love pretending, daydreaming really, that you knew everything through that detective you hired and might want to work past all this with me. Oh, I know it was a fantasy, I wouldn't allow someone like me in my life again if I were you." She took a deep breath, sighed, then looked back up into Early's eyes. "It doesn't alter the fact that you need to forgive me so you can get on with your life." Before Early could explode she hastened to add, "Forgiving me doesn't mean you have to take me back, or have me in your life. I don't expect that, like I said, it was a fantasy. What I have to do is help you get past your love of me to indifference. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. As long as you hate me, you're connected to me. When you can get past that, then I won't be a factor in your happiness, and more than anything I want you happy..." She broke down and cried softly for a few minutes. Early had the strongest impulse to take her in his arms and comfort her. She must have sensed it because she held out her hand to hold him at bay. "Early, please know this is by far the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. I swore I wouldn't cry. I've spent hours on my knees praying for the strength to do this without making it harder on you. I know letting you see my pain hurts you. You're a good man, Early. It can't be any other way. "Early, I beg you to let me finish this. I think it'll help you, but I just can't right now. I'm not as strong as I thought I was. Please, let me meet you someplace tomorrow, it'll give you some time to absorb what I've told you and give me time to recover." Early felt like a straw whirling in the vortex of a F5 tornado. With that image came one of the common anomalies found after the strongest of tornados had past. It was common to find bits of straw, or even grass, half buried in telephone poles. Early knew that the wind didn't actually drive the straw into the pole. The low pressure of the tornado opened to fibers of the pole and straw just lodged there as the pole contracted again. Early shook his head to clear the trivia. The physics of it didn't matter; what mattered was that in an emotional storm like this, impossible things happened. As he watched Susan's pain, it touched him in impossible ways. Ways he didn't want to be touched, and although finding answers to his questions seemed more urgent now than ever, he wanted distance right now, too. Straining to keep the emotion out of his voice he said, "I think that's a good idea. Tomorrow is a day at sea. Perhaps we can find a quiet place to meet after lunch." Susan's face brightened. "Thank you, Early. I appreciate this. Could we meet at the Latitudes at noon? I'll have my act together, and I have to confess I'm looking forward to trying some of the restaurants on this ship." Early hadn't intended to ask her to join him for lunch, but didn't see an easy way to un-invite her. "Okay, Latitudes requires a reservation, I'll make them for us at noon... " Early was struggling for a way to ask not to see her before then when Susan again showed her remarkable ability to read him. "Don't worry, Early, I'll make myself scarce until lunch. I would like to use the gym just before lunch, about ten if that's okay?" Early nodded that it was, and without another word Susan quietly let herself out of the suite. Early retired to his private porch to commune with the stars and with whatever being was out there. The longer he stayed the madder he got... He just couldn't decide who he was mad at and exactly why he was furious. His ex-wife was a slut and a whore, by her own admission she'd cheated on him dozens of times, but he'd divorced her and that should have balanced the books. He was mad as hell that she was on the ship, yet he'd invited her, sort of, and he really wanted to hear the rest of her story. Chapter 8 – The Conversation Part 2 It was well after three in the morning when he'd finally worked out why he was so mad. That damn bitch was robbing him of the illusion of the happy marriage he'd thought he'd had. She had made a fool of him for years and that made him mad as hell. What robbed his sleep though was anger at himself that he still cared about what she had done and why. He didn't love her, that was certain, but he felt a deep need to understand what had happened, why he'd been so wrong about the most important relationship in his life. Even Early's sour mood couldn't destroy the epicurean's delight they were served at lunch. By mutual agreement last night's discussion wasn't mentioned until they'd left the restaurant and were strolling the ship looking for an isolated corner for a private chat. As they strolled they discovered vast empty spaces, whole lounges as empty as a honky-tonk at breakfast, but Early couldn't settle and they walked on making small talk. Finally, Susan said, "Early, my cheating never humiliated you or made you less of a man. I know that technically I made you a cuckold, but you never accepted it, not even for a second, and it doesn't reflect on you at all, except perhaps because you looked at me through the lens of love and didn't see what a horrible person I really am. In your defense, no one else ever knew either. I never felt the need to 'share' my stupidity with my girlfriends or with anyone else. Not one of the men I cheated with ever knew my name, much less yours. You never saw them and they never had anything to lord over you. Not that you have to believe me, but I've never had a sex partner whose skills put them in your universe, much less in your class. "My cheating had nothing to do with you, but only with the rottenness of my character. I was very careful, except with John, never to do anything that might be discovered by you. There were always days between the time I was with someone else and when I was with you. I never gave you sloppy seconds or anything like that. I never thought about any sex partner when I was with you, never, not a single time. I did think about you every time I was with someone else. I think that was one reason that the actual sex was never very good. Oh, and I certainly never did anything with a sex partner, that's what I called them, and how I thought of them, not really men, just sex partners. I never did anything sexually with them that I refused to do with you. The only position was standard missionary. "Early, you have nothing to hang your head about. I'm a smart woman and a skilled liar, I'm a lawyer, and I'm trained to hide my real feelings which I did well. You need to understand that you're the 100% victim here. My bad behavior began years before I ever met you and the only reason you caught me was because I was actually trying not to be involved with John." Early whirled on her, "So you thought no harm no foul? What I didn't know wouldn't hurt me? What about AIDS or a hundred other things..." Susan gripped Early's arms, "Yes, to an extent I thought 'no harm, no foul.' I was that stupid, but I had had years of experience that PROVED I would never get caught. Early, I'm not trying to justify what I did. I will suffer the rest of my life for it and I will never complain that my punishment is unfair. The major reason was that I just didn't think of what I was doing as cheating on you. You weren't any part of it. I said the words 'forsaking all others,' but I never meant them. I would never have agreed to an open marriage, but after thinking about it for the years since that weekend with John, I'm sure I would not have accepted you doing what I did either. It's not logical and I wasn't fair. I was a selfish bitch and awfully stupid for such a smart woman." Early felt his blood pressure rising, "And you think I should just forgive you and pretend none of this ever happened? Well that's..." "Early! You do have to forgive me, you don't have to pretend it didn't happen, you don't even have to let me try to make it up. I don't mean by marrying me either, I mean by making you whole. That was a terrible letter; my only excuse is that I was dying inside while I wrote it, but there were a lot of things I got right even back then. I didn't mean to try to manipulate you, it was... I guess I was trying manipulate you but I didn't expect you to come back to me. Even then I knew that wouldn't be best for you and I want what is best for you more than I want anything else." Early felt his guts twist. He was engaged in a sort of emotional judo. Every time he lashed out at her, he felt like he was kicking a puppy, and his self-disgust out-weighed any pleasure the emotional hitting may have brought him. And most frustrating to him, he didn't think he was any closer to understanding the answers he so desperately wanted. "Susan, in the simplest terms you can, why did you cheat on me?" Susan looked up at him, her eyes full of love and sadness. "Early, until you understand it wasn't simple you won't understand my answers. The closest to simple was Stickner. He was putting pressure on me to reward him for his help. I had some vague plan to turn the tables on him; he was a pretty slimy creature, but for heaven's sake I had all the family money to be totally independent. For that matter I could take him on in a sexual harassment suit that would have ruined him. I agreed to break my own rules because I wanted to make sure that he would never reveal what we did and he wouldn't hit on someone else who didn't have my resources. He was the only person I ever spent the night with besides you, and that includes my old lovers. I had wired the room we were going to be in that night, but he wouldn't have gone if I hadn't agreed to all the stuff we did at his house first. I'm so sorry you had to see that. "No, all that is the flimsiest cover on the real reason, I wanted to see what it was like to be with someone who used other people sexually like I did. It was worse than horrible by the way. Oh, the sex was almost adequate, but if he'd been a lover he would have been the worst. That's part of what made it so bad. It was the only time I had ever felt like I was cheating. When we talked on the phone that first time, when I lied to you, my stomach hurt. I'd like to say I'd decided to change to stop fucking around before you caught me, before I knew the consequences, but I can't honestly swear that he would have been the last one. After Stickner I would have stopped, but I don't know that I would never have started again. Early, can you see what an awful person you were married to? Can you see how much better you are off without me as your wife? Why did I cheat? Because I was a cheater and I didn't value my vows. Because I loved the tension of..." She turned away, crying again. Early had to hold one hand with the other, knuckles turning white, to keep from taking her in his arms to comfort her. He hated her yet it hurt to see her hurting. It bothered him to hear her talk about herself the way she did--he felt an impulse to defend her. At the same time he wanted to rail at her, to call her every vile name he could conjure up. Turning on his heel Early marched off, leaving a sobbing Susan leaning over a railing. By dinner time Early knew that he was releasing some of the anger that left his muscles twitching. That anger had been a constant part of him since he first saw the private detective's pictures. He was relieved that he didn't see her in Signatures that evening, although a small part of him wanted to lash out and tell her to stay out of his way, a part he couldn't understand wanted to hear more, to understand. Have I become a glutton for punishment or what? The next day the ship re-lived Monday all over again as they crossed the International Date Line. Early spent much of the day in his suite just thinking and trying to understand why he was reacting the way he was. On Tuesday May 2nd they arrived at Bora Bora right on schedule at 9:00 AM. Early left with the first group but didn't take the excursion he'd booked. Instead he set off wandering and soon found himself in the poorest section of the island. He was struck by two things--first the squalor of third world poverty. But it was what he noticed second that had the stronger emotional impact. He saw little scenes of people who were laughing, who seemed happy despite their poverty. The irony wasn't lost on him. In the hierarchy of the ship, his cabin suite placed him at the pinnacle of wealth and luxury, yet these people whose lifetime earnings probably wouldn't pay for his twenty-seven-night cruise seemed so much happier than he. And all because a cheating bitch decided to dump me... Early paused in mid-thought. He'd dumped Susan she hadn't dumped him! She'd never wanted the divorce, she wanted... Early had continued walking but now stopped dead in his tracks. She had been the one to throw the marriage away. By cheating on him, right from the start she'd never valued their marriage, never valued him! She had never put him first, she'd never forsaken all others... He'd done what he could to punish her, but now looking honestly at the situation he understood that a major reason he hadn't been able to move on was because he hated being dumped, especially when he didn't understand it. This whole cheating from before they'd even met didn't make any sense. He believed her, but it was just so out of character with everything else he thought he knew about her. Forsaking all others meant so much more than not having sex outside of the marriage. It meant that your spouse would be the most important person in your life. More important than your parents, more important than your children... He'd always been sure Susan had done that. She'd shown in so many ways by her actions that he did place his happiness above her own... except... except... The pain of her betrayal had receded over time, but the pain of having her shred the most important relationship of his whole life hadn't faded even a smidgen. Susan had forced him to throw her out; she had understood that he wouldn't tolerate another man in their marriage, but even though she gave, and had always given, every indication that she wanted their marriage as much as he, she'd made it impossible. She hadn't attempted to excuse her behavior with psychobabble about being a sex addict or any other such nonsense, but... but why did she feel the need to cheat? Early still didn't understand, and it made his guts twist. Early spent the next three days involved in doing tourist stuff, first on Moorea then at Papeete. He did some sightseeing, the obligatory para-sailing, but he spent as much time as he could snorkeling. One of the things that Early had learned on this trip was that he loved snorkeling. He knew that the tour boat operators fed the fish at the same locations every time to draw fish, but then so did deer lease operators. What was important was that it felt like you were swimming in an aquarium. Over his life, Early had made many attempts to have an aquarium. He shuddered to think about how much he'd spent trying to have one. At one point he was buying 25 Neons a week while cleaning his tank every other day. Some people have a green thumb and others a talent for raising fish... Susan had a talent for both. Their garden had always been beautiful, and she'd had a gorgeous aquarium before they married. By that time Early had given up years earlier, and in a rare pique had told her he didn't really like private aquariums. Truthfully, he'd been afraid he'd kill them and didn't want the responsibility of trying to maintain Susan's beloved fish. Susan had given her aquarium away and never mentioned it. How can a woman love me enough to give away her favorite hobby, yet cheat on me? During his last snorkeling on Thursday morning in Papeete, Early knew that he had to finish the conversation he'd started with Susan. He'd decided he'd have to force himself to forego the once in a lifetime opportunity to browse the native shops in Nuku Hiva... balanced against that shopping opportunity, meeting an ex-wife didn't seem quite as distasteful. How High a Price: Another View - M "I had full control of what I did and I could have stopped at any point. I should have stopped; hell I did stop, after it was too late and it wasn't hard at all. I guess a better analogy would be if I were a closet sky-diver or bungee-jumper. The thrill for me ended as soon as the sex started." She stopped and looked deeply into Early's eyes. Early waited until she continued, "The first element was the hunt. Except that first time when I lost my virginity, I never actively sought out a sex partner. If the conditions were right, you were out of town or I was, and someone who looked acceptable approached... I guess that's not completely honest, I'd place myself in a circumstance where what I wanted to happen could happen. It was actually very elaborate. I'd find an excellent reason to be at a place away from our normal haunts. Like meeting a client at the Hilton at the airport. I'd go early and see if anyone I thought was acceptable hit on me. If they did, I'd rebuff them publicly but get their phone number sub-rosa. Then if they were from out of town and married, I'd have them get a room at the Plaza. "You know I love that restaurant and it's on their top floor. It's not far from my office and if anyone saw me there alone and mentioned it to you, you wouldn't be suspicious. Depending on the timing, I would either stop by the sex partner's room before or after a dinner. The interludes never took long..." Early interrupted, "I feel like I've been dropped down Alice's rabbit hole. 'The interludes never took long!' What the hell where you doing throwing away our marriage on something that didn't even matter to you?" Susan had a firm but soothing voice, "I had no intention of throwing our marriage away. The sex partner always wore condoms, and I took every precaution not to get caught. I know how stupid this all sounds; I've lived with the insanity of it for three years now. I was doing it for the thrill I got by making myself vulnerable to a stranger, to the danger of the situation. It really did have more in common with bungee jumping than sex. Early, I was doing it for that emotion I felt when I took off my clothes in front of a man to have sex. I was doing it for the special vulnerability I felt when I opened myself to allow him to enter me. Once he was in me, the thrill was gone and I just wanted the whole thing over. "I told you that I never thought about them when I was with you, but I frequently pretended one of them was you when I was a with them. It makes what I did ever so much worse. I didn't even realize it at the time. I was betraying you, your trust, I was taking chances with my life and your happiness, all for a momentary thrill. It wasn't a sickness, or some sort of mental disorder, it was just a cheap thrill." Early was having a hard time absorbing what Susan had said. It would have been one thing to throw something as valuable as their relationship away for another relationship, but this... This was throwing pearls before swine. She hadn't valued fidelity enough not to throw it away over affairs. "It was sexual, you had sex with those men and you shared an experience that should have been mine alone. How many were there anyway?" Susan looked up at him, her eyes unflinching, "It was sex, betrayal, adultery, cheating; it was intolerable and there's no way you would have put up with it or accepted it. I could never respect you if you had been willing to let me do what I was doing. That's the point of all my being here Early. You were right to divorce me and you're right to not let me come back. The only thing that isn't right is to keep holding on to your anger at me for destroying something precious, not our marriage, but your image of our marriage. I wish I had been the person you thought I was, but I wasn't. You need to put me behind you. I want to finish this cruise, Early, but to finish it as friends who made a mistake in getting married but corrected it with a divorce and can now be friends again." She searched his eyes, "I don't think that'll work though. I think I'll need to leave the ship at Nuku Hiva tomorrow and fly home. I think that will be easier on you. It'll give you a week alone to absorb what I've told you. When you get back to Seattle, you can give me a call if there's anything else you want to cover. Or if you like to tear my hide off for what I did to you, or anything else that will help you move on with your life." Early felt a bitterness well up inside him, "Is that it? Is this what it all boils down to? I made a mistake marrying the wrong person and now I'm supposed to go out and find the right one?" Early could see Susan trying to keep the sadness out of her face, "Early, I wish it were more, but sometimes there just aren't any big causes. I presented you with all my best sides. I'm smart, I can make you laugh, I'm not hard on the eyes, and I was devoted to you totally--except monogamy, which I hid. The cross I have to bear is knowing that when I chose between a good life and a cheap thrill, I chose to ruin two lives. I can't fix mine, but I need to try to help you fix yours. "In that vein, I'll do anything that helps you. I read in a story once about a man who would spend an hour a day venting at his wife for her cheating. She wasn't allowed to answer or respond in any way. She just had to listen to him. The idea was that it let the husband release some of his pain and let him know that she understood. We're not married, but if you ever feel the need to just vent, I'll always be willing to listen. I'll answer or just absorb as you want. Early, I've hurt you. I didn't mean to, but that's no excuse. I can't think of anything that I wouldn't do to try to make it better for you." The squall seemed to be losing its power, but Early's emotions weren't calmed in the least. He couldn't imagine that he'd ever want to see Susan after what he'd learned, but it was possible that railing and ranting at some point might make him feel better. For now, he was just relieved that she was leaving the ship. This was a huge ship, but too small a place to avoid someone who wasn't chained to her cabin. It violated Early's sense of fairness to ask Susan or anyone else to stay in their cabin while sailing on this slice of paradise. Susan left the ship right after they docked at noon the next day. Early cancelled his shore excursion and stayed in his cabin until they sailed five hours later. Nuku Hiva was their last port of call. They would spend the next week at sea arriving back in LA on Saturday. Early watched from one of the stern lounges as the island fell behind them. Shortly before dark it looked like a low cloud on the horizon. It seemed some sort of metaphor for his relationship with Susan, but he couldn't decide exactly what. He'd loved Susan, but it had been like this cruise, a dream. He'd loved someone who didn't exist and who caused him more pain than he thought possible for a human to endure. Yet a question kept niggling at the far reaches of his mind. Knowing what he knew now, would he do it all over again? Did the good outweigh the bad? On balance was their marriage something to be remembered fondly, or something to be erased to the extent possible? Being honest, he had been happy, but it had been a lie... Images and memories swirled in Early's brain, the good contaminating the bad... sorting them out seemed an insurmountable problem... but Early was an excellent problem solver. How High a Price: Another View "Good idea. Plan to watch me until further notice. I'm at home now." Early looked at his watch. It was almost seven. He hadn't slept in thirty-eight hours, yet he wasn't sleepy. He was drained emotionally and empty inside, but he wasn't tired. He was hungry. He got into his car, went to a burger joint, and got a meal to go. When he turned back into his driveway, there was a nondescript Chevy parked out front. A nondescript man exited the Chevy and joined Early as he got to the front door. The man introduced himself as Bill Miller and gave Early his business card showing he was an operative for John Wells. Early finished his burger and was pleased his stomach felt fine. He was helping the operative inventory when the phone rang. It was John Wells again. "They're having dinner at the Queen Victoria Hotel on Vancouver Island," John Wells said. "And they have a room for the night." "Have they already registered?" Early asked. "Yes," John replied. "They checked in under the name of Mr. and Mrs. John Stickner." Early felt no anger at hearing Susan being called another man's wife. He knew that was a sign the marriage was over for good. "Thanks, John," Early said. "I'll call her now, so they'll probably be on the move again. You might warn your operative." Bill Miller watched Early as he attached the recording equipment to his cell phone. "Did I do this correctly?" Early asked. Miller checked it and replied, "It'll work just fine." Early turned on the recorder and dialed Susan's cell phone. She answered on the third ring. "Early?" Susan said, sounding more perturbed than happy to hear from him. "Why are you calling at this time? Is everything all right?" "It's been a very long, very hard day," Early said. "How was yours?" "Long, too, but very productive. I got a lot of things off my desk," Susan said. "Where are you?" Early asked. He could hear sounds of the restaurant in the background. "I'm in our bedroom in our home. Where did you expect me to be?" Susan replied testily. Maybe a guilty conscious caused her tone of voice, Early thought. "I expected you to be at the house," Early said. "Say, you know that old watch my grandfather left me. I was talking to one of the guys down here about it. He's a watch collector and he thinks he might be worth a bundle, but he can't be sure until he sees the serial number off the back. Will you get it and read me the serial number to me, please?" Early counted the seconds on his watch. It was nine seconds before Susan said, "Honey, you can't possibly sell that old watch. Your grandfather left it to you, and... and you said you wanted to have a son to leave it to." "I'm not going to sell it," Early said, "but I do want to know how much it's worth. Now, where did you say you were?" "In our bedroom," Susan said. Early heard the tremor in her voice. "On the bed?" "Yes," she replied. The word caught in her throat. "Okay, look to your left. See the dresser?" Early asked. "Early, this is silly," Susan barked. "Why?" he asked. This time it was seven seconds before Susan responded. "It just is," she said. "Humor me. Do you see the dresser?" Early said. "Yes," she whispered. "The watch in the bottom left-hand drawer in an old wooden case." He waited a few seconds as if giving her time to get off the bed and look. "Do you see it?" "No," Susan said. "Well, I'm at home in our bedroom looking in the bottom left-hand drawer and I see it. What I don't see is you." Early disconnected from Susan before she could say a word, turned off his cell phone, and took the house phone off the hook. "Will you keep the recording?" Early asked Bill Miller. "It's best that I do," Miller replied. "That way I can testify as to its authenticity." "How far is it from Vancouver Island?" Early asked. "An hour at this time of day." "Then I have fifty minutes to finish what I need to do," Early said. "Do you have a firearm?" Miller asked. "Two of them," Early replied. "I'm licensed." "Let me have them. I'll keep them for you." "Good idea," Early replied. In a moment, he returned with both his pistols in their cases. The operative checked to make sure they were unloaded before taking them to his car. When the operative joined Early again, he said, "Is this your first divorce?" "It is," Early replied. "You're handling it well," Miller said. "Thanks," Early replied. Bill Miller looked at Early from his wrinkled, knowing face with its cool, sad eyes. He said, "But the hard part is yet to come. I don't know whether you'll want to immediately go out and get laid, or wait awhile. Each guy reacts differently. Whichever it is, there will be plenty of available women. Getting laid is not the problem. "The problem is trust. If you find another woman worth marrying, can you trust her? Will your blood pressure rise if she's a few minutes late? Will you think she's lying to you with every breath she takes? Will you think she told you big lies if you catch her in a little one? Will you wonder about her when she's not with you? You can't build a great marriage without trust. And if you don't care enough for trust to be an issue, you shouldn't be marrying her. " "I can handle it," Early said, but he wondered. "I hope so. A lot of people can't." "You sound like the voice of experience," Early said. "I've been a private detective doing divorce work for twenty-nine years. I've seen a lot of sorrow." "Have you been married?" Early asked. "Four times and divorced three," Miller said. "My first wife is also my fourth one. She cheated on me and I dumped her, but, years later..." "So your comments about not trusting..." "Comes from here," Miller said, tapping his chest over his heart. "And in here." He put his hand on his stomach. "Not here," he said as he tapped his head. "That's what makes it so hard to trust again, particularly for a guy that makes his living with his mind like you do." The house was dark inside and the doors locked. The exterior security lights were on, flooding most of the front yard and driveway with light. Bill Miller was leaning against his car ready to video the impending confrontation. Early's Mercedes, packed with the clothes and other items he thought he needed the next few days, was at the curb so it couldn't be blocked in. His reservation at a Holiday Inn was made. Early was walking around his house one last time when tires squealed and John Stickner's Lexus roared onto the driveway. Susan flew out the moment the car stopped. Bill Miller had the video rolling and was slowly moving toward the action. From the shadows, Early saw Susan, who was dressed in the slinky black cocktail dress taken from her closet. He had never seen her like this. She was distraught beyond his imagination, near hysteria, with her makeup running down her tear-streaked face. She stopped when she saw the for-sale sign and her mouth fell open. Stickner, out of his car and beside her, tried to touch her and she jerked away. Susan saw a movement in the shadows. "Early?" she gasped. Early came into the light, but he was walking toward the for-sale sign, not Susan. "Early!!" she screamed. She ran toward him, arms outstretched. But when she got close to him, Early hissed, "Don't touch me." His voice, so cold and dead and threatening, stopped her in place, where she stood as if frozen by the icy blast of his tone. He picked up an envelope leaning against the sign and withdrew a legal document. He handed the document to Susan, saying, "You are officially served with a lawsuit filed today in the case of Conroy vs. Conroy, a petition for divorce on grounds of adultery. Mr. Stickner is named as your correspondent." He handed her the stack of photographs. "These are pictures of you two love birds happily fornicating. They will be a small part of the evidence at the trial." Early turned to walk away. "You fucking asshole," John Stickner growled as he grabbed Early's arm. Early didn't think. He let the red-faced adulterer turn him around, and saw Stickner's fist coming his way. He took Strickner's blow on his shoulder and delivered one of his own. He felt the spatter of Stickner's blood on his face and saw Susan faint, dropping the pictures documenting her adultery on the grass around her. "Did you get it all, Bill?" he asked the operative. "Of course. Now get the hell out of here. I'll clean up." Early glanced at Strickner groaning in the grass with the side of his face crushed in. He looked long and hard at the woman he once had loved sprawled unconscious beside the for-sale sign with pictures around her. He went to the Holiday Inn, registered, and went to his room. He filled the room's ice bucket from the ice machine. He returned to his room and poured himself a large bourbon on the rocks, filling the crystal highball glass he brought from home. He hated those cheap plastic motel glasses. He took off his shoes, propped his feet up, and turned on the TV. He stuck his bruised and battered hand into the ice bucket and sipped his whiskey. He was still sitting there twenty minutes later when someone knocked on his motel room door. He ignored them. "Early, it's Bill Miller," the voice at the door said. Getting out of that chair might have been the hardest thing he did all day, but Early managed, trudging to the door and opening it. Miller was standing there with another man about Miller's age. "This is Sergeant Simmons, Seattle P.D.," Miller said. Early motioned them in and collapsed in his chair again. Miller shut the door behind them, took Early's hand, and looked at it. He pushed and pulled, making Early wince. "I don't think it's broken," Miller said. The policeman cleared his throat. "Mr. Conroy, Mr. Stickner wants us to file assault charges against you. You messed him up pretty good. A surgeon is trying to repair his broken cheekbone now." "Life's tough all over," Early said in a flat tone. His eyes were dead and no emotion registered on his face. "You don't care that the man is facing multiple surgeries to repair what you did," Sergeant Simmons asked. "How do I repair what he did to me?" Early asked the policeman without looking at him. "I could arrest you for assault, Mr. Conroy, but Bill here assures us it was self-defense and he has the video to prove it, although I haven't seen it yet," Sergeant Simmons said. "You'll get it in the morning," Miller said. "So what happens now?" Early said. "No arrest will be made until we've seen the evidence. If Bill's wrong, and your punch wasn't in self-defense, we will file charges. That's the law." "It's a stupid law," Early said in the same flat tone. The sergeant studied the despondent man before saying, "You can expect a civil suit." "Not hardly," Early replied. "Law suits bring facts out in the open and these two lawyers will want to bury this like a cat buries its shit. I can guarantee you of that." Sergeant Simmons waited as police officers do so well. When he thought sufficient time has passed, he said, "Aren't you going to ask about your wife?" "I don't have a wife." "Your wife..." the sergeant began. Early jammed his feet on the floor and sat up as if to spring into action. "Aren't you listening to me?" Early said loudly. "I do not have a wife." The sergeant stood. "Don't leave the county without clearing it with me. And, Mr. Conroy, don't do anything rash." Early only nodded. "Want me to stay in here?" Miller asked Early. Early shook his head. "I'll be outside in my car if you need me. I go off at midnight but someone will be there. Take care of yourself." "Thanks, Bill, for everything," Early said. The two men left Early alone. It was done. The divorce papers were filed. His confrontation of Susan was over. His life with Susan was over. Gone like dust in the wind. Early was too tired to undress. He downed the rest of his drink, crawled into the bed, and pulled the covers over himself. He began to cry, fighting his tears until they overwhelmed him. He cried until he had no more tears to give, leaving a man broken but unbowed. Early knew he would get up tomorrow and go on. He knew the weekend would be hell, but Monday morning he would go to work and bury himself in the familiar routines. He knew his life would get better day by day, and be good again someday. He knew someone else would come along for him. He knew all that in his mind. In his heart and in his gut, there was a gaping, bleeding, black, empty hole. He felt like a deer that had been gutted, its entrails ripped out and fed to the dogs with the carcass left hanging in a tree. He wondered if he would ever be whole again. He wondered if he could ever trust again. With that thought, he slept like the dead. The End How High a Price: Broken Trust This is my suggestion for an ending to the story, "How High a Price", by the Troubador. In his introduction, he said of Susan and Early Conroy, "They are attractive people, keep that in mind. They are highly intelligent, caring and feeling individuals. Keep that in mind also." I tried to keep that in mind, but odd things happen to intelligent, caring individual when they stop trusting their spouse. Like the original, this is about couples, choices, emotions. It has no sex, but is about sex. Be kind to me, dear readers. This is my first submission to Literotica. * * * * * How long Early sat alone on the deck behind the house, he was not certain. The sun had climbed well past midday as he played the morning's events over in his mind. Had someone told him a week ago that his life would have turned into such a disaster, he would have thought them crazy. He had a successful career and a nice home. He had a gorgeous, talented wife whom he loved more than life itself. Better still, he was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that Susan felt the same toward him. Now? He just didn't know! His heart broke as he listened to the muffled sound of Susan's sobs coming through the sliding door. If she could only admit what she had done, if she would just tell him honestly that she had slept with John Strickner and begged Early to forgive her, maybe he could feel some hope. At least then they would be on the way toward healing. A few months of counseling, mixed together with some serious work to rebuild communications and maybe he and Susan could be whole again. They would never again be back where they were before this all happened. Those halcyon days were gone forever. Once trust is broken in a marriage, a part of the hurt never heals. But at least if Susan admitted that what she did was wrong, they could move forward. Early thought about all of the evidence. There was Susan's lie about being home, the fact that she was out of the office both Thursday and Friday, and the image of Susan's gray BMW parked beside John Strickner's garage. Even more haunting were Susan's own words--talk about owning John big time and saying that it was something he deserved. God! How could she? Yet in spite all of the evidence, Susan still wanted to make it sound as though her cheating was no big thing. Early wiped the moisture from his eye. The worst part of all? Even with all that Early knew about his wife's tryst with John, he still loved her! By the time Early realized that the house behind him had become extremely quiet, several hours had passed. He decided to go look for Susan. Maybe she was thinking more clearly, more serious. Maybe having had some time to consider the sad state of their marriage, Susan was ready to own up to what she had done and how badly she had worked to destroy their marriage. There might yet be a chance to move toward that road of healing. Early was surprised to see things exactly as they had left them. Dirty dishes still filled the sink. Susan's things were still where she had dropped them, and his tea cup was still on the mantle beside their wedding picture. The house was ghostly quiet. A little bit of panic crept into the back of Early's mind. What if Susan had done something stupid? What if she had tried to.... No! No, he couldn't even think of something so horrible. Susan had prostituted herself for career advancement, but she was still his wife, the woman he had promised to love for better or for worse. With a little quicker step, Early hurried to the master bedroom. What he saw was definitely not what he expected. Wearing only a white satin basque and matching lace panties, Susan was sitting at her make-up table carefully brushing her beautiful long hair. It shimmered in the late afternoon light, looking even more beautiful than he remembered. Then Susan laid down her brush and opened a new package of black thigh high nylons and began to slide one up her leg. Early let out a frustrated sigh. "Susan, if you think..." Susan didn't even look toward him. "Don't even think about it, buster!" The bite of her words communicated the look Early had often seen on her face. It was the angry determination of a lawyer preparing to attack. "I'm so--so mad at you!" She paused for a moment, her whole body tensing. "Damn you! Damn you Early Conroy!" A contrite Susan was what he had anticipated. A Susan in passive denial he might have expected. A resolute Susan, stubborn and unyielding in her insistence that she had nothing wrong would not have been a surprise, but an angry woman spitting out venomous words was the very last thing Early expected to find. Susan took a deep breath, shook her head, and then finished pulling the elasticized stocking up her long, beautiful leg and prepared to put the other one on her left leg. She slid her foot into the stocking and stopped. "If I didn't love you more than anything else in the world, I'd leave you right now and never look back." "Me?" Early spat the word out. "You have the audacity to attack me when it was you who willingly broke our wedding vows? I catch you prostituting yourself--caring more for your career than your marriage--and I am the bad guy?" Susan said nothing. When she had smoothed the last nylon into place, she crossed the room to her closet. She took a long time before retrieving her favorite "little black dress." The strapless mini dress had just enough lycra and nylon to cling to Susan's frame, accentuating all of Susan's best features. "Where are you going?" Early demanded. "Why should I tell you? You wouldn't believe me if I told you. You don't trust me, remember? You made that perfectly clear today." "Don't you think I have a right to my suspicions?" "Sure! Anyone has the right to be an idiot." "So now I'm an idiot." Early fumed as he watched his loving wife slither into the tiny, sexy dress knowing that he was not going to be the one to help remove it tonight. "Are you going to him again?" "No, I am not going to see John." Susan inspected herself in the mirror. "And I still don't like how you make what I did sound so tawdry. If you only knew what those two days were like..." "Thank you. I'd rather not. I'm not the kind who relishes being the cuckold, having the sordid details of their wife's tryst rubbed in their face." "Early, I may be guilty of a lot of things--poor communications being at the top of the list--but I am not guilty of anything as tawdry as you make it sound. What I did was beautiful and nothing you say will change that." She looked at the smirk Early gave her and then added, "But then you know that happened, don't you?" "Yes Susan," Early sighed. "I know what you did! Why can't you just admit it? I can forgive you if you do. But we can never begin to heal as long as you are in denial." "You know what I did," Susan repeated, placing emphasis on the second word. "Yes, of course I do! What do you think all that stuff we talked about this morning was?" Although Early hadn't noticed it, Susan's voice had indicated her shift into lawyer mode. "And you have evidence to prove what you know to be true." Susan emphasized the same word as earlier. "Of course I do!" Early let out a frustrated sigh. "Susan don't do this; don't deny it. We both know what happened. Please..." "No, I know what happened. You only think you do." Susan smoothed the dress over her hips, making sure that the skirt was pulled just far enough down toward her knees to tease. "I saw you, Susan!" Susan erupted into laughter. "You saw me? Now this I've got to hear!" "Your car was parked outside John's house! I saw it there on Friday. You spent two nights with him." Susan slid her feet into her sexiest stiletto pumps. "Early, you are a great trouble shooter. I'm proud of what a great job you do at work. Your boss doesn't know what a talented worker he has, but when it comes to examining things closer to your personal life, you suck!" Early ignored the jab. "So you're not going to tell me where you're going." Susan smiled and shook her head. "As I said before, you wouldn't believe what I tell you anyway. I'm not going to see John, if that's what you want to know. Beyond that, all I am going to say to you is that I belong to you--only to you. I always have and always will. I have no plans to do anything tonight that would either put that promise at risk or make me ashamed of myself." "If you go, I may not be here when you get home!" "That's totally up to you, Early. I can't make you believe me or trust me. Whatever you do, just remember that I love you." With that, Susan got up, checked her make-up one last time, put on her lipstick, and headed toward the door. Before leaving the room, she turned and glared at Early. "And only a fool goes to trial with only circumstantial evidence to back up their case." Before he could stop her, Susan had hurried to her car. He listened in shock at the sound of her heels as they clicking on the hardwood floor. A few moments later, Susan's BMW came alive and backed out of the garage. Then in frustration, Early picked up a book that had been lying on the night stand and hurled it against the closet door. His vision suddenly blurry, Early slumped to the edge of the bed. Early couldn't believe what had happened. His beautiful wife, the person he had loved more than life itself had just left the house looking as though she were headed off on a date. She claimed that she was not going to meet with John Strickner, but if not John, then who? Were there others? Was their marriage really over? From where he sat, it sure looked to Early as though it was. Wiping a tear from his eye, Early wandered back through the house, stopping in the kitchen to pour himself a scotch and soda. As he took a long gulp of the drink, he spotted Susan's overnight bag, still sitting on the dining room chair where she had left it that morning. He stared at it for long moment while he worked on his drink. When she left the house, Susan had implied that Early didn't have solid evidence to prove his case. Well, if that was what she needed, he'd give it to her. He unzipped the bag and crudely dumped its contents on the dining room table. Out fell a pair of sweats, a bathing suit (not the hot little red bikini Early liked so well, but the older one--the more modest one), a pair of jeans, and an oversized tee shirt. He also found a John Gresham novel, a pair of pajamas, and a change of underwear (not Susan's best, but something he's expect to find her wearing around the house). A separate bag contained Susan's toiletry kit. He poked in it and only found the minimum: tooth brush, comb, a few odds and ends of make up, and the creams she usually used. There was nothing special. Hmm! An odd assortment for a two day tryst. Not exactly the kind of thing he had expected to find. Early picked up the novel. And what's with this? Who takes a book on a date? The Joy of Sex, maybe...but John Gresham? He was still poking through things strewn across the table when the doorbell rang. Early almost didn't answer it, but when it rang insistently for the third time, Early changed his mind. It was Jennifer, Susan's executive secretary. "Hi Jennifer. How's Brandon?" Both Susan and Early had a lot of admiration for Jennifer. Not a single mother by choice, Jennifer had been forced to deal not only with a child with spinal deformity, but a husband and father who had abandon them soon after Brandon was born. The only help Brandon's father provided was a check in the mail every month, and with Susan's help, that check was as large as the court would allow. "Oh, Brandon is doing wonderful! Thanks for asking. These past couple days with nothing but special attention has made him one very happy little boy." That made Early feel good. At least Jennifer seemed to have benefited from a couple days off. Brandon was a sweet natured little boy and it make Early happy to know that he and his mother had enjoyed two days together. "Is Susan here?" Early sighed and tried not to look too angry. "No, she went out for a while." "Oh, that's too bad. I hope you know what a wonderful wife you have. I'm sure she's told you about all that she did over the last week. She's such a romantic!" Early was stunned. "You approve?" A confused look washed over Jennifer's face. "Oh God! She hasn't told you!" She edged backward toward he door. "I'm--I'm sorry. Don't let Susan know that I said anything." Jennifer's hand was on the door nob when Early stopped her. "Wait! What do you know that I don't? What's going on between Susan and John Strickner?" Jennifer cocked her head in confusion. "Susan and John? You mean the Melrose case?" "No! I mean two nights they spent sleeping together!" Jennifer squealed and then erupted in fits of laughter. "Oh Early! If Susan told you that, she was just pulling your leg!" Jennifer's face slowly began to color. "Susan didn't spend those two days sleeping with John, I did! That's what I wanted to tell her. John asked me to marry him and we've already set the date." Early opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He felt himself unsteady on his feet. "Are you all right? You're suddenly as white as a sheet." "So--so Susan..." "Spent two days at John's house taking care of Brandon while John and I had three wonderfully romantic days in Cancun. She did it for you, Early. It's supposed to be a surprise." "Oh shit!" Early slumped back against the hall closet door. Early promised to let Susan know that Jennifer had dropped by and also agreed not to say anything about their conversation. As soon as he was alone, Early raced to his Mercedes and started looking for a gray BMW. Dressed as she was, there weren't many placed he would have expected to find her. What worried Early most was what Susan was doing now. He knew that his accusation about an affair with John Strickner had been wrong. What Jennifer had told him suddenly fit with what he had found in Susan's overnight bag. It hadn't been a romantic tryst, but a babysitting outing. She had likely been at Strickner's house because John had a huge pool and hot tub--the perfect place for some physical therapy with a handicapped little boy. Now, however, Susan was out God knows where dressed like a million bucks. Had she gotten so mad at him for falsely accusing him that she had gone out to get even? Oh God! If she had, then Early knew that he deserved it. Then he found it. The gray BMW was parked in plain sight at "Delaney's", a quiet club next to the Marriott. Early sighed deeply. Things didn't look too good. Early slipped in and found a quiet, dark place near the bar where he could survey the place before deciding what to do. His heart sank when he finally saw Susan. She was sitting at a booth in the center of the club. Across the table from her was a handsome man about her own age. Susan was leaning across the table, Susan's date holding her hands. They appeared to be engaged in a deep, personal discussion. Well, maybe Early was wrong about Strickner, but it looked as though he hadn't been completely wrong. Early ordered a drink and for a long while just sat, watching his wife and her friend talk. Then Susan got up and walked toward the ladies room. Early moved instantly. Like a shot he crossed the room, grabbed his wife's unknown companion by the shirt and roughly pulled him to his feet. "Hi, you son of a bitch! My name is Early Conroy and that's my wife you're with." "Early! You stop it now!" The voice came from behind him. Susan jumped between her husband and her friend, pushing Early back. "Early, this has gone far enough. When will you learn to trust me?" Then turning to her friend, she said, "Father Mike, are you all right? Did he hurt you?" Early felt as though all the air had been knocked out of him. A priest? "Oh shit! I did it again." He closed his eyes, pursed his lips, and lowered his head. "Father Mike," Early began in a soft voice. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. Susan, I don't know what you think of me." Early couldn't even look his wife in the eyes. "I know about the time you spent with Brandon. I actually came looking for you to apologize. It seems as though all I managed to accomplish was to make a complete ass of myself." "But Early, how could you even think that.... I told you I loved only you. Why can't you trust me?" Early shook his head. "I don't know. I guess...." Early shrugged. "I don't know." Father Mike laid one hand on Early shoulder and the other on Susan's. "I think I know. Once trust has been broken--even if by mistake--it takes a while to be regained. Don't blame Early, Susan. He loves you." "Look," Early said, quickly backing away. "You two finish your conversation. I'll meet you at home." "Early, wait," Susan called, but Early ignored her. He needed time alone. As Early slowly drove the city, the realization slowly hit home. He had been the problem all along. Susan had been faithful to her vows to him, but he had failed in his vows to her. She hadn't cheated on him with John Strickner, she had taken care of Jennifer's son so that Jennifer and John could have a romantic weekend apart. Then, after coming home and hearing Early rip into her, demonstrating beyond a shadow of a doubt his lack of trust in her, she had gone out to talk with a priest. Suddenly the question that filled Early's mind was not if he could forgive Susan, but whether Susan could forgive him. Early made a couple of stops along the way, but headed home to find the answer to that question. Susan was sitting in the kitchen when Early returned. "I was worried when you weren't here," she whispered. Early handed his wife the bouquet of roses he's stopped to pick up. "I also have some champagne--if there is a partnership to celebrate." Susan shrugged. "Won't know until tomorrow, but I think there's a pretty good chance. John said that the senior parters were pretty convinced. All they wanted to see was the outcome of the Melrose case." Early set the champagne bottle on the counter and took his wife into his arms. "How can I begin to apologize for what I accused you of?" "I think you'll find a way." Susan nuzzled her face into Early's neck. "What hurt worst wasn't that you didn't trust me, but that I did it for you. John told me he wanted to pop the question with Jennifer on a romantic get-away. He also knew that she would never leave Brandon with anyone she didn't trust. He arranged for me and a private therapist to spend two days at his house with Brandon. While the two of them were in Cancun, the nurse and I were in the pool giving Brandon some therapy." Susan gave Early a gentle kiss. "In return, John has a time share on a condominium in Costa Rica. He promised that you and I can use it for a week next June over our anniversary." Early gave his wife a gentle kiss. The embrace grew in intensity as their tongues battled. When the kiss broke, Early whispered, "I promise never to mistrust you again. I belong to you, my darling." "And I belong to you--I always have and always will." Early scooped Susan into his arms and carried her to the master bedroom. In spite of it all, Susan's smile melted his heart. Her eyes twinkled with love as Early lifted her dress over her head. Early couldn't help chuckling at how things had changed in the last few hours. He was the one who helped remove that gorgeous dress off after all. Susan placed a gentle kiss on Early's lips and then scrambled onto the bed. Early was quick to shed his clothes and join her. He loved the soft satiny feel of Susan's basque as he held her close. It was a long evening and Early was in no hurry. Making love with Susan tonight was going to be special, and at least for tonight, that big bed would not be lonely. How High a Price: Counterfeit Well the Troubador threw down the gauntlet: "Write an ending where the wife DIDN'T cheat." Here is my sorrowful attempt to do so. I can't take all the blame for this. My good friend Wetapap, in a strange flash of insight came up with the basic concept, though I did beat it totally out of shape. I would like to thank him and the other 'old codger' that helped me with this tale, both in ideas and in editing. Thanks guys. * He couldn't lose it, everything, his marriage, his future, his dreams everything relied on him being able to keep cool. 'Susan and I need to talk,' Early thought. After re-entering the house, he found Susan staring into space, unmoved from the chair she was in. After several minutes of trying to get her to talk, Early realized his anger was getting to him again. 'I should leave and cool down,' was his only thought. Early left the house with no direction, no purpose, just driving through town aimlessly. But he soon found himself in John Stickler's neighborhood. With a sick fascination Early found himself parking at Stickler's house and then knocking at his door. Soon a distinguished older gentleman opened the door. "Can I help you?" "I'm Early Conroy…." Before Early could say anymore Stickler interjected. "Early OH OF COURSE I must have seen your picture a thousand times on Susan's desk. Sorry but it's late at night and after our trip I know that I'm tired. Say weren't you supposed to come in tomorrow? I know Susan was rushing back to her loving husband and…." "I don't know how much longer I will be her husband Mr. Stickler." Early flatly interrupted. Stickler's openness had surprised him but Early was determined to keep the upper hand. "What? What do you mean? Susan said you two were so happy and…." "I thought we were until she spent the last few days with you," Early interrupted again. The two men looked each other in the eyes. Concern crossed John's face as he watched Early's stony visage. Then John's eyes light up with the realization, "Oh God, you don't know. And … oh God no … you think … oh bu… no, no, I would think the same thing." John shook himself out of his reverie, "Early you need to come in and sit down. I think I have to explain some things to you." "Please do," Early said as he entered the house and John closed the door behind him. Stunned, Susan sat for hours in the chair where Early had left her. Dimly she realized he had come back into the room then later left. "I remember hearing his car leave the driveway. How had this happened? What did happen?" She kept asking herself. The shock of Early's presence and his accusations threatened to send her fragile mind over the edge. Desperate, she grabbed her keys and fled into the night. ********** "KA CHOO" Jennifer wiped her nose again. "The doc told me that these antibiotics would work. Stupid fucker. I can't get any sleep, my head feels like it's going to explode and…." The ringing of her doorbell cut off Jennifer's latest list of complaints. The non-stop noise forced her to get up and stagger to the door. "Susan, what's going on?" Jennifer quickly forgot her own problems when she saw Susan, her mentor and hero on her doorstep. Susan's normally immaculate make up was in ruins, and she looked like she was about to faint. Jennifer helped Susan inside and got her a drink. After a bit Susan seemed to calm down enough to talk. "Susan," Jennifer asked, stroking Susan's hair, "what's wrong did something, oh no, did something happen to Early?" Susan's body trembled as she fought to get the words out. "He's left me…." "Wha…." "He came home Thursday and I wasn't home. He thin… he thinks that John and I… that we… that we've been." Susan could feel her world collapsing around her. "What Susan you don't make sense. You left with John right after you told us that it wa…. Oh no, Susan, you didn't call Early and talk to him about it did you?" The look on Susan's face was enough for Jennifer. "Oh Susan what have you… 'AH CHOW!'… Done?" Jennifer's body shook with the force of her sneeze. After she regained control she looked Susan in the eyes. "Ok Susan, what happened and tell me everything?" Early was seated on a leather couch in John Stickler's living room. John nervously entered the room and headed over to Early. "Ah here we go, I didn't have a Dr. Pepper but I did have a Coke. It was warm so I poured it over ice, hope that is ok." John sat down after giving Early the drink. "Ok wow, this is strange. First I want to say that your wife is a wonderful woman. Who has," John started to speak faster seeing the reaction in Early's eyes, "done nothing but talk about you the entire time I have known her. I think half the women in the office are jealous of her and the tales of her marriage, the other half just think she's making it up!" John took in a deep breath to collect himself. "Second, I am in love… with Jennifer! I know this is news to you. I first noticed her while we were helping Susan with the case. Then over time Jennifer just seemed to worm her way into my heart. I started finding reasons to be in Susan's office just to see Jennifer. I would show up early on purpose just so that I would have time to chitchat with her. Finally I drew up my courage, prayed my late wife would understand and I asked Jennifer out. It's been amazing ever since." John watched Early's face for a reaction, but none came. He should have been a lawyer, John thought, or a professional poker player with that visage. "Well until this week, see… I am trying to move on, I have this opportunity to work for a very powerful firm in Washington. It's their branch office but I can't really pass this up. So Jennifer and I planned on going there for a few days, rub elbows with the firm members and their spouses then spend the rest of the weekend taking in the sights." John got a far away look in his eyes as he continued. "Then Jennifer got sick. At first we thought it was just a cold but it got worse and worse, turned into full-blown flu. Late Wednesday we were to fly out, but she was too sick to do much more than go to the doctors and get medicine. Both Susan and Jennifer told me to go. I had confided in Susan while she was talking about her hopes of possible getting promoted to a partner in the Firm, but I didn't know." A nervous chuckle escapes from John's lips. "First I didn't want to leave Jenn and second they were expecting two of us. I knew there was going to be at least one dinner maybe two and a social meeting that were couples only. I didn't want to go by myself; I didn't know what it would look like for me to show up alone." John leaned forward and looked the stony Early in the eyes. "I wasn't thinking straight Early, I was worried about Jenn and then worried about this once in a life time…. Never mind, Jenn came up with the solution… Susan. She could be my guest, and as a fellow lawyer could give them the 'straight talk' about me." "Well we talked about it and I swear Early, I thought she talked to you about it. When we were about to leave Wednesday I asked her if you were ok with this, I know how it could look. She swore that everything was ok." Seemingly in deep thought, Early asked, "So she went as your date?" John's eyes shot wide at Early's words. "NO! She was a fellow guest Early. And when they found out that she was married I know we got some looks until we told them about Jennifer and that Susan was just a fellow colleague. I can tell you Early, she talked you up one side and the other, I went to get a drink at one point and passed her talking about you in glowing terms to the women there. Even the Senator seemed to be eyeing her husband with a bit of 'why can't you be like him?'" "Senator?" "Senators, plural really, I told you this was a major Firm. The funny thing is Maxwell Adams, one of the partners told me I could have come alone, it wasn't mandatory for me to have a date, they would have understood. Ironic, huh? Anyway, ah… Oh I know…." John hopped out of the chair and rushed out of the room, he quickly returned with a briefcase and started rummaging through it, "Ah here we go, " John handed over a paper to Early. "You can see there that I paid for two rooms, heck they are even on different floors. That's what you get when you reserve them separately. Mine was nice but I had to pay out the ears for hers. And you can even see the dates for reservation on the papers." For the first time emotion crossed Early's face, a whiff of doubt. "Yes you…." Sensing Early's reluctance John seemed to search his mind then his eyes lit up and he rushed off gain. Early could hear the rustling of papers and John reappeared with the recycling bin in his hands. "Ah here it is. " John pulled out a newspaper and started searching though it. Finally he found his page. He handed over the paper and pointed to the photo in it. It took a second but Early made out Susan and another girl talking to each other behind one of Hollywood's stars in what appeared to be the entrance to a show. "Sorry for the coffee stain but here in the society and entertainment section you can see Susan and what was her name? Kara?" Recognition showed in Early's eyes. "Kelly. That's Kelly, they were roommates in college." "Kelly, yeah. I had tickets to a show but didn't feel right going with Susan so I gave her the tickets. She got her picture taken behind Mr. High and mighty here. You know… I think that explains why she got so nervous when I showed it to her on the way back." John leaned toward Early. "She really didn't tell you did she?" Concern showed clearly on his face. "No she didn't" Early sighed. His earlier bravado and will now deflated. He knew he should be overjoyed that Susan didn't cheat but…. "It hurts doesn't it? For them not to trust you, I know…. I went through a similar thing." Early looked at the man. "A few years back, my wife, she… started acting strange. At first I thought she was just getting older, then I started to worry about an affair. Did she love me? Everything imaginable went through my mind. Finally I confronted her. Cancer… she didn't want to tell me, wanted to 'protect me'." "After I got over the shock and was caught up on her situation, we talked. It took a bit but we both realized what we did wrong. I was her hero and she didn't want to burden me and I wanted to be her rock." John sighed," I am glad that we did talk, in the end we didn't have anything separating us." For a minute John seemed lost in his memories before he seemed to pull himself back together. "Early I have no idea why Susan didn't tell you. But nothing happened; I have nothing but respect for Susan and you. I mean if I thought what you thought I would probably have rushed in here and beat the… well, you know." Early leaned back on the couch. "You know she loves you Early, and I know you love her…can't you get past this?" "Love's not the problem John. How can I trust her?" "And then he left?" Susan chocked back her tears. "He was gone when I finally could look around. I mean, how can he think that of me? I've never given him any reason to do so!" Jennifer thought for a second. "Maybe that is why he is having such a hard time Susan. He's never had a reason to distrust you before and now he does. He came home and you weren't there, but you lied to him, pretending you were. What were you thinking?" Susan sighed before responding "Susan, why would Early have a reason to distrust you? All you had to do was get a room to yourself, which you did, and talk to him every night." "It's not that simple. Early left on a trip then I suddenly have to go with John to DC? I mean…." "Why not have him call me?" Jennifer asked. Susan was started by Jennifer's interruption. "What?" "Come on Susan, how big of a conspiracy would it have to be for him to call me and I cover for you? IF he worried, and any good man would, it's their nature; then he could call me and know that everything was on the up and up. If he didn't, then you would have a paranoid control freak on your hands, but I don't think that's ever been the problem." "So why didn't you tell him?" Jennifer eyed Susan carefully. "I… I…." Susan's mind went blank. All her excuses, all the reasons to lie, she couldn't find them now. "You didn't think you had to, no harm no foul. You thought that you could do this, help John and me, and then get back home. You weren't hurting Early in any way directly; you didn't break a vow or hurt him in any form. So you could leave on the trip, get John's help with the partnership which you're going to get anyway, and all would be good." This wasn't going how she thought it would. Why couldn't Jennifer understand? "No I was going to tell Early.." "When? When could you explain to him that you were lying to him? I could understand if you went out to get him a… a… boat and John was helping you pick one out or you were going to a spa for treatments and you wanted to WOW him. But you didn't. What could you gain by lying that you couldn't get by telling the truth? And what could you say later on to make it look like lying to your husband was a good thing for the two of you?" Jennifer retrieved a tissue and wiped her nose then turned back to Susan. "I know. You wanted Early to think that you got the partnership on your own, for him to be proud of you. But you were willing to do some extra to ensure it, to get more support." Susan started to interrupt, but Jenn stopped her. "There is nothing you can say to cover up for lying to Early, Susan. Nothing, there was no reason to lie since you were doing nothing wrong. But you still lied to him. You didn't want him to think less of you for 'doing a favor' for John." Susan sat back, the truth of her not ever being able to tell Early hit home. But was she trading favors? Her body started to shake, as she told herself 'no.' "Jenn I would never do anything for a partnership but work for it. I did this to help John and to thank him for everything he did for me." "I know, but how would it look to others?" Jennifer inquired. Susan's face sank. Jennifer leaned on and took Susan's hand. "And Susan, why didn't you explain this to Early when he was saying that you cheated on him? Why didn't you tell him the truth?" "But Jenn I couldn't…" Susan started sob, "he… he… was so insistent and I couldn't get the words out." "Sus, you know how this makes you look in his eyes. You just confirmed everything he feared. I mean he had your car at John's, you were not at home and you lied to him about where you were. It's not a big stretch to imagine cheating with that evidence." Susan broke down in tears; her world began to crumble around her. Jenn got up, and retrieved a fresh box of Kleenex. "Susan, Susan! What is done is done. You'll have to deal with it sooner or later, but right now we have to figure out something else." Susan looked at Jennifer, her eyes flooded with tears. "What?" "How to prove you didn't cheat on Early and your marriage." Early quietly opened the door to the house. He didn't know how long he had been gone but he didn't want to disturb Susan. The information he had gained weighed heavily on his mind. After leaving John's, he had drove around town for hours trying to get his head on straight. Finally when he had to refuel he returned home. Early dropped his keys on the table and absentmindedly walked to the window. "It'll be dawn soon." He said…not to anyone but more to himself to break the silence. "Yes it will," Susan's voice startled Early. He spun around to find her at the hall doorway. Gone was the dress, replaced with sweats and one of Early's old t-shirts. Her face was freshly washed, but Early could still see the puffiness around her eyes. "Sus.." "Early, please let me talk. I know I have hurt you by lying to you. But I swear it was never meant to hurt you and was done with what I thought at the time were the best of intentions. And before you say it, yes I know the old saying about good intentions. Susan motioned to the kitchen table. "Let me tell you want happened and… if you want to throw me out, I'll pack and leave. I know that you don't have any reason to believe me but please. For all the years we have been together, please give me this one chance." Early wanted to speak but sensed that Susan needed to get something off her chest. Relenting, he sat down in a chair. Susan smiled as Early sat down, she gathered herself then continued. "As you know Early, for the last several months I have been working on the case, the case. The case that would, if I could get it right, ensured that I finally become partner. It was the most difficult and involved thing I had ever done. Just when I thought I was lost, John Sticker started to lend a hand. I would have never made it if I didn't have him guiding me, helping me, assuring me." Susan saw Early wince at the words of her needing John's assurance. Slowly another piece fell into place for her. "Early, I never… John and Jennifer started seeing each other during this time. I guess I should have told you, but I think we both were so wrapped up in our own professional lives we let things slide. But…" Susan sighed, "Nothing accounts for me lying to you." "See, John is trying to leave the firm and it looks like he can get a really good position at a major firm in DC. He and Jenn are doing so well. This weekend they were to go to DC to do the meet and greet thing. Then Jenn got sick. Nothing seemed to work to fix her up. John was so worried, he didn't know if he should or could go, and he didn't want to leave Jenn, even though she told him to go. Then she came up with an idea. Why didn't I go with John, not as a date but as a coworker?" Susan shrugged as she went on. "I thought to myself 'Why not?' I would be back before you came home, and John, well he did help me so much, I wanted to help him." "Why didn't you tell me Susan?" Early asked. His voice was just above a whisper but it carried right to Susan's heart. Susan's lips stated to tremble as tears threatened to erupt from her eyes. "I've been asking myself that same question, over and over. I think I told myself that you would worry about me; you would be suspicious of me. I mean, you leave on a trip then I suddenly have to run off with John to attend some fancy dinners with him?" Susan looked Early in the eyes. "But that wasn't it, let me finish first." Susan steeled herself. "Well I gathered my stuff while John got me a room, and I used Jennifer's ticket to fly. When we got to DC, well when we went to the dinner, everyone at first thought I was John's wife, then his girlfriend, and we had to explain what happened." Susan gained a far away look in her eyes. "Strangely enough, one wife told me I had a dear for a husband, for you to let me go like that and help out John. How you had to trust me so well. Little did they know? I want you to know that it hurt to lie to you on the phone like I did. But in for a penny…." "But why Susan?" Early asked, his eyes imploring her to hell him something he could hold onto. Susan's shoulders slumped as she tried to respond. "I don't know Early. I guess I wanted to prove that I could do anything. Prove that I didn't need you or John or anyone, I could do everything myself. I wanted to be the leader. But in reality I was just being a child. I knew that you wouldn't have a problem but I didn't want you to have the opportunity to tell me no." How High a Price: Counterfeit Susan's voice started to crack as she struggled to keep things under control. "I had it all planned out on how to repay John for his kindness, then come home and be here for you and then I could have done everything and no one get hurt." Susan looked at Early with teary eyes. "But you came home early" "I mean, I had already figured out that John didn't need me there. No one would bemoan a single man for coming across country alone for a dinner. I was just there to entertain the wives and the few successful women. All the time I could have been at home, with you it turns out." Susan's body shook with regret. "I was out and about and didn't need you or you permission. But I never did, did I? You never doubted me, and this is how I treated you." "Susan what would you have done if Thursday when I asked about the lonely bed, after you answered me I had said 'yes it is lonely here Susan…just like it's been since I came home'?" Susan's eyes got wide in fear at Early. Her lower jaw trembled and her body shook. "I… I… never thought about that. I had convinced myself that you'd never find out. That you, that I…." Susan hung her head in shame, "I never thought beyond what I wanted to do." Both sat alone with their thoughts. After several minutes, Early spoke up. "Susan I think we both…." "I'll quit my job, I'll go in Monday and…." Susan blurted out before he could finish. Early's heart began to beat harder and his face became flushed. "No, Susan you have worked too hard and too long for this partnership. John told me that it was in the bag for you." "You talked to John?" Susan couldn't keep the fear out of her voice. "After I left toni… well last night now, I went driving, ended up at his house. He did the one thing that you weren't able or willing to do. He told me the truth. He told me about Jennifer and the new job and you helping him out." "Now he could have been lying, you two could have come up with a plan to cover your tracks. I could believe that you, John and Jennifer all are in this conspiracy against me. I could hold you to a standard where you can't prove your innocence…" Early's words cut Susan to the core, she knew that there was nothing she could do. Every argument had a counter; ever bit of proof could be explained away. She began to feel weak as hope faded in her heart. "But I won't" Early sighed, "I have to start to learn to trust you but you hav…." Early was cut off by a screech from Susan as she realized what her husband was saying. She launched herself across the room into his lap, wrapping her arms tightly around him. Eventually Early was able to extract himself enough from her tearful grasp. Holding her in his arms he looked in her tear and joy filled eyes. "This doesn't mean we are alright, we have problems. I should have told you I was home. But you shouldn't have lied. We have to work on this." "Any," sniff "thing Early. Oh thank," sniff, "you" "Susan," Early said almost as a sigh, "I think we need counseling together. We've both let things other than our love get involved in our marriage. But, first I need you to get up." A blast of worry crossed Susan's face, "But… but we... you... we." "Susan there is nothing major wrong, but I haven't been to the bathroom yet and it's been a long night. And when you hopped into my lap…." Susan started to giggle then laugh as she got up…soon her laughter infected Early as he rushed to the restroom in the dawn's light. "Well how's the proud man?" Early turned to see who was speaking. John Stickler was heading towards Early out of a side door to the church. "Oh not bad, Susan is the proud one, an entire baptism and not one peep out of the little angel." "Not like Michael's, huh?" Jennifer jokingly asked as she pulled up next to her husband. "No Jennifer, no it wasn't" Early said as he gave John's wife a friendly hug. "If you don't mind Early I'd like to see little Jen for myself. Pictures are good, but," John shrugged to an understanding Early as he walked over to Susan and the baby. "It's been an interesting few years, huh Early?" Jenn asked. "Yes it has. It took some work, and some determination but I think Susan and I came out better than we were before." "Yes you did, but can I ask you something? What made you decide to trust Susan again?" Early got a far away look on his face before he answered. "The reaction on her face when I asked her what if I had told her that I was home while she was away. She couldn't think of what to do. She was afraid, afraid of losing our marriage and me. I knew that I should try to save our marriage then." "That's strangely romantic. I was hoping it was something I did, since you named you little girl after me and named me godmother." Jennifer giggled. Early let out a laugh. "No that is so we could remember who to blame." "Blame!?!" Jennifer exclaimed. "Yes blame. If you hadn't have gotten sick, then Susan would have never left, I would have never found out, Susan would have never gone over to your house to talk with you. If she hadn't done that she would have never gotten sick from you. She wouldn't have been on antibiotics when we… well… when we started sharing a bed again. And they wouldn't have interfered with her birth control so…." "So it's all my fault?" Jennifer asked in mock indignation. "Yup… and for punishment you have to be the best godmother ever known." "I think I can do that Early" Jennifer said watching Susan play with her eight month old daughter while Michael, Susan and Early's three old son watched on. "That's a price I'd be willing to pay." Well that's it. Like it? Love it? Hate it? Want to hang me? TELL ME! Operators are standing by. Think you can do better? WRITE IT. I would LOVE to read another author's take on the "Susan didn't cheat" Theme.