263 comments/  247289 views/  16 favorites

But Love Is Blind....

By: Blue88



"Mr. and Mrs. Olson" the nurse called. "The doctor will see you now. This way, please."

We followed her into Brian's office, me admiring the sway of her trim hips, Jenny poking me in the ribs as she saw my gaze.

"Jake, Jennifer, please, have a seat," said Dr. Brian Fellows, a  friend and neighbor for years.

"Look, I have good news and bad news. The results of your test have come back, Jenny. It appears that you have an especially virulent and uncommon case of vaginitis. That's the bad news. The good news is that's it's certainly treatable, but in your case, treatment will take a few months. Jake, the bad news for you is that that part of Jenny's anatomy is out of bounds for you for at least 4 to 6 months.

We both breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn't more serious than that. While I was a bit disappointed, I realized that my disappointment didn't go very deep. It's not as if we had a passionate sex life, in fact, it was very mundane and sporadic. I looked over at Jenny and was a little surprised to see a small smile come to her lips then vanish quickly.

"Whew," I exclaimed. "Thank goodness that's all it is......"

Jenny interrupted, "Explain the treatment, Brian. I hope that it doesn't involve going to the hospital.

"No, no, Jenny. I will give you a prescription for vaginal suppositories. You are to insert one every morning after your shower and at night before bedtime. This is the treatment recommended and it's more than 99 percent effective. You'll be fine," assured Brian.

So, with prescription in hand, we left Brian's office and headed for home. I asked Jen if she wanted me to fill the script for her, but she shook her head and told me that she would take care of it. We drove in comfortable silence and I gave some thought to the fact that I wouldn't be having intercourse with Jenny for almost half a year.

It's funny, while I was a little upset, I found that I didn't have a deep sense of disappointment. I found myself a bit surprised that I was only a "little" upset. I glanced over at Jenny and again found myself proud of how she had managed to keep herself so trim and fit. We belong to the club at our community and Jen has taken full advantage of their facilities to keep toned.  Damn, she looked good despite her 46 years. I really believe that she weighs no more now than when we first married.  Also, her early morning 3 mile jogs certainly helped her maintain a sensible weight.

So why was our sex life so boring? I know that I'm now almost 50, but that shouldn't mean that I should be virtually celibate. I still had no problem getting it up, so to speak, so why didn't I find having sex with Jenny more exciting? I knew that I still looked fairly good. I was just a bit heavier, but the extra 10 pounds or so was well distributed over my 6 foot frame. My dark hair was still full, although there were a few silver strands showing at my temples. Shit, I thought that made me look distinguished.

Damn, when we were first married, and even for years after, we screwed like rabbits. Okay, by the time we entered our 40s we did slow down a bit. Instead of 4 or 5 times a week, we were still being intimate at least a couple of times a week. But it wasn't only the frequency of sex, it was the quality. We had been loving and we showed it. It was my fondest desire to make sure that Jenny had orgasms and fully enjoy intimacy, and I truly believe she felt the same way. We loved doing for each other.

We'd been married now for almost 25 years and they have been, at least in my mind, very good ones. We met through a mutual friend my first year out of law school. I almost swallowed my tongue the first time I saw her. About 5' 5" tall, a beautiful figure, short, light brown hair and flashing green eyes. The whole package almost had me hooked.  We hit it off immediately, dated for a year and married. The children came rapidly. Jenny wanted children and she wanted them as soon as possible. Teddy was born a year after we married and Diane 15 months after that. Jenny took the appropriate maternity leave and went back to work as soon as we were comfortable leaving the kids in day care.  Teddy's now married and Diane is a senior in college.. 

But things had very gradually changed over the past few months. Our coupling now was almost mechanical. Jenny would not initiate sex and when I did, she would comply, but with little enthusiasm. That kind of response can deaden one's desire, as it did mine. I guess it was just easier to not approach her. I just didn't enjoy making love to a woman who might as well be sleeping. 

I sighed and thought to myself, "I guess it won't be all that tough for me to stop having intercourse with Jenny. It's not as if it's been all that wonderful anyway."

The next week was busy for me. I am an attorney and a partner with a firm in center city and we were scrambling to put the finishing touches on a proposal for a prospective client. Landing this one would bring in a bundle of cash to the firm, so I was leaving the house early and coming home late. Thank goodness I had Cheryl Turner, another partner in the firm, working with me. She was sharp and perceptive and I knew that the success of the project would be in no small part due to her participation.

Jenny understood, she had been through times like this before and she understood how it worked. We would be frantic for a couple of weeks, and then things would settle down and we could resume a normal life again.

Jenny was busy herself. She would leave for work not long after I did. She worked for the same medical supply company since graduating from college and was now a senior sales associate. Her income still amazed me, it ran well into six figures. You can guess that we lived very well.

It was on a Saturday, a couple of weeks later, that I managed to get a splinter in my finger while puttering in the garage and I couldn't get the damned thing out. Jenny wasn't home yet, so I went upstairs into her closet and looked for her sewing kit for a needle to pry the sliver out. I then discovered, wedged behind a piece of luggage, a shopping bag from Victoria's Secret.  My curiosity got the better of me and I took the bag out and looked inside. I removed the box and opened it. Wow, a gorgeous negligee, transparent and very short. A very brief pair of sheer thong panties accompanied it. 

"Jeez," I thought. "My sex life is going to be picking up. I'll not spoil Jenny's surprise." So I carefully repacked everything and put it all back where I found it. Now all I had to do is wait until Jenny completed the treatments. When that was done with, we would celebrate in style. I hummed as I returned to the garage, totally forgetting about the splinter.

A few weeks later, as we were sitting watching the late news one evening, I turned to her and asked, "Jen, when you're in the city tomorrow, could you stop and get some cheesecake from the Classic Bakery?" 

I loved that stuff. You see, Jenny would drive into Manhattan every Friday to see a couple of her clients. A few months ago she had decided it would be easier to stay over and drive back Saturday morning. That was better than fighting the traffic Friday evening. 

I was a little taken aback to see a flash of annoyance cross her face.

"I'll try, Jake, but you know how busy I get when I'm in the city, so don't get your hopes up," she replied rather sharply.  She then turned her attention back to the tv.

What the hell was that all about? I wondered. I didn't mention it again, but I noticed that she returned on Saturday without my cheesecake and also without any mention of it. I was irritated, but decided not to make an issue of it. I was aware that our relationship over the past few months was not exactly loving. We tended to get annoyed at each other at the slightest provocation. I wondered where the love and caring had gone.

I started to wonder about our marriage. Is this what my future was going to be like? The indifference, the boredom, the lack of any meaningful intimacy, and I don't mean only sexual. For the first time I began to contemplate a future which looked rather bleak. It was in this frame of mind that I waited for an opportune time, a time when we both were relaxed and lounging by the pool one Sunday.

"Jenny, I really need to have a serious conversation with you," I began.

Jen looked up at me with that same flash of annoyance. This time I just ignored it and bulled my way forward.

"You have to realize that there's obviously something wrong with our marriage. We don't seem to care as much for each other as we once did. We argue about silly things much more than is good for this relationship. Instead of conversations, we walk around almost ignoring each other. " I paused briefly and then asked, "Jenny, are you having an affair? Do you still love me?"

I saw her tense and her eyes harden briefly. She arose, came over to me and seated herself close to my side. "Oh Jake, don't be silly. You know that I love you," she said softly as she reached to caress my cheek.

"And you're right, of course. We are drifting apart; we have to remember why we're together. I have to remember. I'm sorry, Jake. I know that I have been difficult to live with lately. I don't know why that is, but things will be different now. I think I needed to hear how you felt. Thanks, honey," she murmured as she bent over to kiss me briefly.

I felt reassured, I really did. I recognized that all marriages go through something like this, a time when spouses take each other for granted. Fortunately, we saw that and we would take steps to overcome the ennui. So why was I uneasy? And why did Jenny never meet my eyes as she professed her love for me?

Things did change and the next couple of months were dramatically better. Jenny was much more solicitous and took the time to do the small things that mean so much in a union. I was happy that I had had that conversation with her. In fact, the very next Saturday, she brought home a cheesecake for me. I was tickled pink with her thoughtfulness as well as the cheesecake. 

Then, almost imperceptibly, the kind and gentle Jenny started to disappear again. Slowly, the indifference and coolness returned. I have to emphasize, there was never an overt act of cruelty, no anger, no acts of viciousness or spitefulness  That would have required some passion. That was the nub of the problem as I saw it. All of the passion had vanished from our marriage.

I was at a loss. I really didn't know what to do, what further steps to take. I wasn't about the have the same conversation. I decided to just take a breath, step back, and try to find a reason for Jenny's withdrawal. Could it be that she was just complacent after almost 25 years of marriage? Or was it something more serious?  

It was in this frame of mind that I began to become more observant. Yeah, it was in the back of my mind, way in back and I tried to keep it there, but the first creeping doubts about Jenny's fidelity came slithering out. I was pretty sure I was being foolish, but the uncertainty was there. No use trying to pretend. But this was a stretch, I told myself. But was it? She certainly had ample opportunity to stray. I shook my head, admitting that I may be becoming paranoid. 

Just to reassure myself, the following Friday I again went into Jenny's closet, searching for that negligee. It wasn't there, it was gone. I felt my heart rate go up, but I sat back and tried to calm down. I then went into her dresser and found her underwear drawer. I found it full of underwear, amazing. I really started to feel foolish, almost like a character in a romance novel - the dorky, unsuspecting husband. I then proceeded to her walk-in closet. I stood still for a moment, overwhelmed with the vast array of clothing.

I then turned my eyes to a wall of shoes and boots, all neatly stacked on shelves in their boxes. On a sudden impulse I pulled a boot box out from the bottom of a shelf. It was oversized and she had half a dozen of them. I found the negligee. There were no tags on it now, nor on the thong panties. They had company. There was a collection of sexy and provocative underwear there and in two other boxes. . Teddys, thongs, half bras, shit, she could have opened her own Frederick's of Hollywood there. Three of the large boxes were filled with this stuff.

I suddenly sat back and and tried to catch my breath. I was having a problem breathing, like all the air had been sucked off the planet. At the bottom of the last box I had discovered a small, circular container of pills. Small, purple pills - a months supply. I knew what they were, she had taken them before my vasectomy almost ten years ago. Birth control pills,and a months supply, none missing. Was this a stash for when she used up what she had hidden somewhere else?

It looked like all of my questions were answered, all of my doubts confirmed. I finally had the answers I needed, my confusion resolved. So why was I feeling like shit? I blinked away the tears that had started to fill my eyes. I fought back the nausea that threatened and took long, deep breaths. I quickly but neatly put everything back as I had found it and walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs. I started for the bar, but stopped - I needed a clear head. I walked out onto the terrace, sat and began to think.

I tried to steel myself. I tried to put my thoughts in order and come to some decisions concerning plans for the immediate future. I couldn't - I just couldn't think straight. I felt my insides churn. I felt myself sweating, flushing and then turning cold, shivering. I felt inundated, overwhelmed with a sense of desolation and sorrow.  It actually felt like my life had ended. I loved this woman with every fibre of my being and she had deliberately and coldly betrayed that love.

I started to feel another emotion - anger. No, not anger, rage. I shook with ire, I saw that I had clenched my firsts, digging my nails into my palms. So I sat there, for what seemed like hours, but was probably no more than 30 minutes or so, alternating between sorrow and rage. 

I thought about divorce and knew for certain that that at least was going to happen. I'm not a divorce lawyer, but I knew that this state allowed fault and no-fault divorces. I also knew that adultery was good cause for a fault divorce. Her rights to the distribution of our assets would be impacted negatively. I also realized that I really didn't give a shit. We both had money to spare - I didn't want to go through the hassle. But I did know that I needed hard evidence, evidence that I didn't as yet have.

My brain had started to work again. I began making plans, tentative, but at least I had started to think. A thought stuck me and I headed up the stairs again. I entered the bathroom and looked at Jenny's "stuff" around her sink area. I didn't know what half of that crap was. I started to rummage carefully through the small bags and plastic boxes. At the bottom of a large make-up bag I found what I was looking for. A small, circular container of the birth control pills. It appeared that she would take her daily pill while occupied in the bathroom - clever. There were 5 pills left - it looked like she would soon be using her hidden stash.

I didn't know if this was going to work, but it would be an interesting experiment. I quickly went to her closet and pulled out the appropriate box, reached in and extracted the full container of pills. I then rushed downstairs, emptied all of them into a glass dish and placed them in the microwave oven. I nuked the suckers for 60 seconds. I then took the pills out and examined them - I didn't see any change and breathed a sigh of relief. I carefully placed each pill back in the container and carefully put it back in the boot box. I had no idea if I had destroyed the effectiveness of the pills, but the next few weeks were going to be very interesting. I had another thought and ran up the stairs and got her remaining 5 pills and nuked them also. I had a stray idea; perhaps I should apply for a research grant from Planned Parenthood.

The weekend was uneventful. Since Jenny was paying so little attention to me anyway, I was able to react normally. I stayed away from her as much as possible on Saturday and Sunday and she took no notice of that. A pretty good indication of the state of the marriage.

*******************

It was with a sense of relief that I went into the office on Monday morning. I was sitting at my desk, just staring out of the window, when Cheryl walked in.

"Okay, Jake. What's the problem? I know you well enough to know when's something's gnawing at you. Talk to me, pal."

I looked at her fondly. What a terrific gal. She's been with the firm for over 8 years now and I thanked our lucky stars that we had the good sense to hire her. Now, due to her work ethic and intelligence she had made partner. Of course, I was the first to admit, her good looks and great body didn't hurt either. She was in her mid 40s and had divorced a short while before starting work here. 

I thought for a few moments and wondered if I should confide in her. You see, over the past few years Cheryl had become rather close to Jenny, they had become very good friends. They even managed to get together every couple of weeks for lunch or shopping. Despite, or maybe because of that, I went ahead. Maybe, in this case, two heads would be better than one.

"Jenny's having an affair and I think that it's been going on for awhile now." 

Cheryl's mouth had dropped open. She looked kind of funny sitting there like that. Her mouth snapped shut and she then said, "Okay, Jake. Why do you think that"? The lawyer in her had taken over.

So I gave her everything that I had. How our relationship had slowly gone downhill, my discoveries on Friday of, but not what I had done to, the little purple pills. I don't know why I didn't tell her about that, but kept that a secret for the time being.

Cheryl sat, thoughtful, for awhile. " What are you going to do, Jake? I would urge you to give yourself sometime before taking any drastic action. Get yourself together, this is still very fresh so make sure that you act sensibly." Then, with a puzzled look in her eyes, she said, "Tell me again about her medical condition," 

Her pager went off and she muttered, "Shit, my client is here. I have to go. But Jake, keep me informed. Let me help however I can.. I'll stop by later, I want to ask you a question."

I nodded and thanked her as she sped off. I knew what my next step was going to be and I pulled the phone over and punched in a number.

"Good morning, Grayson's" a female voice answered.

"Hi, Marge. It's Jake Olson. Is Paul in?"

"Oh, hi Mr. Olsen. I'll ring him for you." she replied.

In a few seconds, Paul Grayson came on the line. "Hi Jake, how are you/"

"Not wonderful, Paul. I need your services and sooner rather then later. Can you come over now?"

He heard the tension in my voice. "I'll see you in around 30 minutes, Jake."

True to his word, Paul Grayson was sitting in a chair in my office as promised. I felt better just having him near. He was the head of a private investigation service that the office used quite frequently. Paul was efficient, discreet and very ethical, or as ethical as you can be considering his profession. I gave Paul all of the facts and my suspicions, again not mentioning what I had done to the birth control pills, and I wondered to myself why I was not sharing this. What the hell, it had no bearing on what I would eventually do anyway, I rationalized.

Paul sat and only interrupted to ask a few questions occasionally. When I had finished, he just shook his head. "Damn, Jake. I'm really sorry; I don't know what else to say, but that's neither here or there. I'm assuming that you want definitive evidence of any infidelity, right?"


But Love Is Blind....



I just nodded, unable to speak. This was now heading into another phase, a rather sordid and unsavory phase.

"Based on what you've told me, the weekends, from Saturday afternoon until Monday morning, are not in question." Paul continued. "So we have to monitor your wife's activities from Monday until she leaves for New York on Friday morning. Let's see if there's anything out of the ordinary during those days. You realize, of course, that it's her time in New York that we have to examine very carefully. What hotel does she use?"

I gave him that information and he seemed pleased. "Very good, Jake. I know the head of security there and I'm sure that we'll be able to cover everything that happens during the time that she's there.  I'll be getting back to you as soon as I have anything." 

He rose and turned to leave, then stopped and looked at me with sympathy in his gaze. "Look, Jake. Just hang in, don't do anything out of the ordinary. Can you do that?"

I again nodded. He shook his head and walked out of my office. I sat there, a little shaken. This thing was now taking on a life of it's own. I had lost a bit of control and I felt a bit lost. I tried to examine my feelings for Jenny. I found that I loved her, but I also hated her. I hated what she was doing and I hated her betrayal and her infidelity. I wondered if I would be able to forgive her. Forgive her fucking someone else. Forgive her for betraying our marriage vows. Forgive her for the humiliation I felt. Forgive her for the lies and contempt she has shown for our marriage. I smiled bitterly, I would miss the cheesecake

The week was difficult at the office and at home. It seemed that I couldn't keep my mind on the things that needed my attention at work. At home it took everything I had to maintain a semblance of normality. Actually, it wasn't all that difficult. As usual, Jenny seemed preoccupied. I'm not sure she would have even noticed if I had a heart attack and died in bed. 

Paul called me in the office on Friday morning. "Jake, I have nothing for you at the present. Jenny's activities have been entirely normal, nothing out of the ordinary. We're now going to concentrate on what she does in the city. I have spoken to my contact in the hotel and everything is covered. I'll get back to you Monday morning. I have your cell phone number and I'll call you on Saturday with a preliminary report. Is that ok?" he asked.

I indicated that that would be fine. I dropped the phone on its base and swallowed. This was coming to a head now and I was frightened, frightened of the future. I realized that I would have to make decisions. I had been putting it off. I realized that I would have to begin giving my future some thought, but first I wanted to hear from Paul.

**********************

I was in the garage Saturday afternoon putting a garden spade away when my cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I looked out and saw Jenny in the kitchen. I answered it - it was Paul.

"Hi, Jake. It's not good news. Let me give you some information, you'll get a DVD and two copies and our complete report plus two copies Monday morning in your office. Is that okay?"

I muttered an assent and found my hand trembling a bit. He paused and continued.

"Jenny checked into the hotel around 10 a.m. Friday morning. A bellman took her bag up to her suite. She visited two large medical practices and then had lunch around 12. After lunch she visited a dental supply house where she spent about an hour and a half. She returned to the hotel around 3, went up to her room, undressed and showered. She did not dress after her shower, she just threw on a lightweight robe. She called down for a bottle of wine which was delivered about 20 minutes later in an ice bucket. A guy showed up around 4" 

Paul cleared his throat. "The guy's name is Brian Fellows. He's an MD and lives not far from you. I assume you know him." Paul stated more than asked.

"Okay, Paul. Make sure to send over to me everything you have on Monday. I'll take it from there, and Paul, thanks, I appreciate your help." I managed to get out.

We said our goodbyes and I clicked the phone off. I was not surprised, I had already figured out who she was fucking. My first clue were the little purple pills. I knew that she needed a Rx for them and I also knew that Brian was her gynecologist.  The clincher was the bullshit about her vaginitis. Cheryl had clued me in about that and I had checked the Internet. Getting over that condition seldom took over a week, and never 6 months. So it wasn't too difficult to put two and two together and I sure wasn't getting five. 

They must have gotten a real laugh about cutting me off. The poor schmuck of a husband not getting any loving from his devoted wife while she's screwing another guy's brains out. A light suddenly went on in my head. I was finally aware of why I had not shared what I had done to Jenny's birth control pills. I was ashamed of myself. After all, that really was a rotten thing to do. But guess what, I was no longer ashamed. The shame was gone - fuck her, fuck them both. 

The anger had taken hold now and was keeping my sorrow and grief at bay. But the anger I now felt was not the rage that had consumed me. This was a cold, calculated and bitter fury. I wanted to strike out at both of them, I wanted them to hurt as I now hurt. Jenny had proved to be a betrayer and her lover no better. He had a wife and a profession - he risked much for an illicit piece of ass.

I am by nature not a devious man and I made no devious plans. Whatever action I would take would be straightforward and direct. I had no need to be devious. My plan was simplicity itself and would prove to be as devastating as the most nefarious plot. Now the trick was to act as if I suspected nothing. I just had to be my usual pleasant and unsuspecting fool of a husband. I think I may have gotten an Oscar for how I controlled myself during that weekend.

*******************

I left the house early on Monday; I was gone before Jenny was out of bed. I just couldn't bring myself to face her again. I got to the office early, make myself some coffee and sat at my desk and waited. People began to drift in, but since my door was closed I was not bothered. I notified my secretary, Pam, that I would not be accepting any calls except from Paul Grayson and that I would be expecting a package which she should immediately bring in to me when it arrived.

Ten minutes later my office door opened and Cheryl walked in and plopped herself in a chair. Pam knew better then to even try to intercept her. 

"Jake, you know that Jenny and I have become close friends. I fear for your future together. Talk to me, Jake. Tell me what's going on, please," she pleaded.

"Cheryl, for your own sake I'm not going to tell you anything. Things will be coming to a head very soon, you'll then know the whole story. Until then, I have to ask that you not get involved in this mess, for your own good as well as for mine. Do you understand what I'm telling you?" I said as I looked directly at her.

Cheryl nodded and I noticed the tears in her eyes. She rose and turned to me. "You know that I'll do whatever I can for both of you. But also know that I won't abandon Jenny."

"You're a good friend, Cheryl. I know that you'll do whatever you think is best," I replied quietly. 

A few minutes after Cheryl had gone, Pam entered my office with a package. I told her that I wanted to interruptions for the next couple of hours - no calls and no visitors.

I have to admit that I had a lump in my throat as I unwrapped the package. Inside the plain, brown box were the three reports from Paul as well as the three DVDs. I opened my laptop and inserted the disc. It opened with a view of a typical hotel room with a king sized bed in the middle of it. I could see a portion of the bathroom and noticed the large mirror over the dresser. I then saw a bellman enter the room carrying a piece of luggage that I recognized as my wife's. He placed it on the floor and I then saw his back as he turned to leave. There was no view of the door or arch into the room. The time stamp told me that it was 10:20 a.m.

The screen flickered and I saw Jenny enter the room. The time read 3:03 p.m. I watched as she shook her jacket from her shoulders and draped it across a chair. She looked at herself in the mirror and smoothed an eyebrow. She ten proceeded to unbutton her blouse which is threw in the direction of the chair. My eyes narrowed as I saw the bra she had on, no wonder she had worn a business suit with a jacket. The bottoms of her breasts were barely supported by the half bra, leaving her nipples exposed. Without the suit jacket, they would have been noticeably poking through her blouse. They looked distended, probably by the friction of the blouse.

She then lowered the side zipper of her skirt and stepped out of it. I wasn't surprised to see that she had on a very brief thong and I wondered why she hadn't waited for her lover to arrive to disrobe her. She pulled the panties off of her hips and let them fall to the floor. I took in a sharp breath when I saw that she had shaved her pubes. She was as bare as a baby. She moved into the bathroom and I saw her perch on the john. There was the sound of her tinkling and then she wiped herself briefly, rose and moved out of sight. I then heard the shower turn on.

It wasn't long before I saw Jenny return to the bedroom drying herself with a large bath towel. I had to admit that, even after all the years, she had kept her body firm and fit. Her breasts had little sag in them and her stomach had just the slightest roundness. Below her stomach her hairless mound of venus appeared to be almost obscene, almost as if it was borrowed from a prepubescent young girl. I suddenly realized that for the first time since I bedded this woman, her nakedness did not arouse me. I didn't have a hard-on, all I felt was bitterness and anger. She threw a lightweight short robe on and poured herself a glass of wine and turned on the TV.

I fast-forwarded the disc until I saw a male enter the bedroom with a small overnight case in his hand. The time-stamp read 4:04 p.m. I saw Brian Fellows approach Jenny who was sprawled upon a chaise. They had yet to say a word. He stood by her as she smiled up at him and slowly opened her thighs revealing her shaved pudenda under the folds of the robe. 

I heard him gasp, "Goddamn, Jenny. You did it. Damn, it looks great. Don't move a muscle, stay just as you are."

I watched him quickly shed his clothing and kneel by the foot of the chaise. He face was inches from her pussy. He then moved forward, extended his tongue, and slowly allowed it to slide along the lips of her labia which were now becoming quite moist. He then buried his mouth in her crotch and it wasn't long before I saw Jenny tense, clutch his head in her hands, and orgasm. It was almost clinical, as if I were watching a porn movie. No, not even that, it was as if I were watching two animals rut.

I saw them both rise and move to the bed where they snuggled for a bit. I was suddenly aware that there was almost no conversation between the two, almost as if this was such a common occurrence for them that words were not necessary.

The camera must have been planted so as to give a view from the foot of the bed. I saw Jenny reach down and grasp her lover's cock, stroking it slowly. She then moved down and engulfed the head of his cock. Her mouth moved slowly up and down his shaft and I could streaks of her saliva coating the flesh of his prick. I then heard her murmur, "We don't want to waste that erection, Brian. I have something warm and snug waiting for it."

With that I saw her move astride him. I watched as her ass moved slowly above his erection. I watched as she bent over a bit, grasped him and placed the head of his dick at the entrance to her pussy. I watched as she slowly lowered herself. I saw her lips spread to accommodate the invasion of his cock. I saw her slowly sink upon him until he was fully imbedded. 

I tore my eyes away from the screen. I couldn't watch and my vision was blurred by my sudden tears. I felt myself hyperventilating and I struggled to calm my breathing. It was a few moments before I could bring myself to watch the activities in that room again. I saw that their position had changed - he was now on top of her, his ass moving rapidly up and down. He tensed and I heard him mutter, "Ohhhh, I'm gonna come. Ohhh, I'm coming, coming, coming." Moments later I saw him fall beside her, exhausted. In the brief moment before Jenny closed her legs I saw her pussy wide open, semen flowing out and down the crack of her ass. Sure, no condoms necessary. 

I shut down the DVD, removed it from the laptop and placed it back in its sleeve. I took the reports and the DVDs and locked them in my office safe. I had absolutely no desire to see any more and I really had no interest in reading the detailed rreport that Paul had sent to me. I just sat and gazed out of the window. I felt totally numb, almost like I was out of body. I recognized that I was in shock and I struggled to regain my mental equilibrium. I took a deep breath and I knew what I had to do.

The tasks I had set out for myself that day and the days after seemed to calm me. I kept busy with my plans and with the day to day activities that were work related. I was now grateful for Jenny's continued indifference and withdrawal. It made it easier for me to act the unsuspecting husband. Thank goodness I wouldn't have to keep up the act for too much longer.

On Wednesday I called Paul Grayson. "Paul, can you get me a key card for that room in New York?"

He knew exactly what room I was talking about. "Whoa, Jake. Calm down. I don't like what I'm hearing. You're smart enough to recognize the foolishness of doing anything violent."

"Paul, I assure you that I have absolutely no intention of becoming violent. I just think that it would be most appropriate if I showed up there and had a little conversation with my wife and her lover. I absolutely promise that there will be no violence. Trust me, Paul." 

There was a pause on the line and I heard the hesitation in his voice. "Ok, Jake. I'm trusting you on this, please don't disappoint me. I'll get the key card over to you by Friday morning."

"Thanks, Paul. I owe you big time," I said before I replaced the phone on its base.

True to his word, a messenger delivered a sealed envelope early on Friday. I kept busy that morning with mundane tasks then told Pam that I would be out for the rest of the day. She had my cell phone number and would contact me if absolutely necessary.

I slipped behind the wheel of my car and headed out to the Interstate. I had timed the drive so that I would arrive at the hotel about 4:30 p.m. The valet took my car and I looked around as I entered the lobby. Quite nice, no shabby, cheap digs for the lovers. The elevator took me to the appropriate floor and I quickly made my way to their room. I put my ear to the door, but heard nothing.

I quietly unlocked the door and peered in. The door opened to a short hallway with a closet on the right. Beyond that was what appeared to be a small living room. This was obviously a suite and I heard them from the doorway leading to the bedroom. I moved silently to the partly opened door, opened it further and looked in.

They didn't notice me; I doubt if they would have noticed if Peter Pan and his Lost Boys had entered the room. Fellows was in the midst of an orgasm and he was gasping out the last of his ejaculation. Jenny was groaning and her hands were clasped tightly on his shoulders. Damn, could I have timed this any better?

"Bravo, bravo. What a performance. Is an encore possible?" I spoke uo loudly while applauding. It was as if a bomb had gone off in the room. Fellows jumped from between Jenny's legs and was standing by the bed clutching a portion of the sheet with which he covered his groin. Jenny had grabbed the remaining portion of the sheet to her chest. Her eyes were wide with fright and she had turned an interesting shade of gray as she recognized who was standing in the doorway. Fellows just stood there, mouth agape. Jenny had lowered her eyes. I casually moved into the room and took a seat on the chair.

"Ok, Mr. Fellows. I won't use the term Doctor because it remains to be seen how long you'll be able to retain that title. You have two options which I will explain in detail. Option one: You will close your practice and move out of the area.  Out of state also includes Pennsylvania, that's too close. May I suggest New York; that way you'll still be able to meet my soon to be ex-wife and resume your weekend activities. I'm sure that she would be terribly disappointed if you did not continue fucking her every Friday and Saturday. You will have 30 days to get out.

"Option two: If you refuse option one, I'll bring immediate suit against you. I will also petition the Licensing Board to revoke your license to practice medicine in this state, which I predict would certainly limit gaining access to your profession elsewhere in the country. I don't think that they condone a physician screwing his married patients. I will also provide your wife with ample evidence in any divorce action she takes. You have 60 seconds to make a decision or I will decide what action to take." I raised my wrist and looked at my watch.

After a few seconds I heard him grate, "You son-of-a-bitch."

I raised my eyes in mock surprise. "That's not an answer. You have 20 seconds left."

"You win," he had sagged, his features drawn and frightened now. "I'll move." I saw him shake in anger and frustration. He knew that he really didn't have much of a choice. I had his balls in a vise.

"Wise choice - now get dressed and get the fuck out of here before I change my mind." I snarled.

He quickly dressed, grabbed his bag and without even a glance at Jenny, departed.

As the door slammed behind him, I turned my attention to my wife. She was still sitting up in the bed with the sheet still clutched to her chest. I noticed her pallor. Her eyes were still averted, she would not meet my gaze. I saw one tear coursing down her cheek. 

"Jenny," I began. "I'm not going to ask why you destroyed our marriage. I don't want to know the reasons behind your adultery. I really don't give a shit about the reasons for your betrayal.

I continued. "I fully intended to destroy you. I intended to bring all of the evidence of your infidelity, written and visual, to court. Our children would have been horrified and your reputation irrevocably shredded, which would have effectively ruined your career with your firm.

"But, I'm not going down that road. I realized that by doing that I would be descending to your level and I would lose my self respect. So I'm filing for a no-fault divorce. I'll let you explain to the kids why we're splitting up. I have already rented an apartment and all of my things should be moved in by the time I leave here. I don't want you contacting me under any circumstances, either in person, by phone or by mail. I would really prefer it if I never saw you again. Right now the sight of you sickens me. Any necessary communication will be through my attorney. The necessary papers will be delivered to you on Monday morning."

To her credit she didn't start with the stale excuses. I didn't hear "oh, I'm so sorry - it was just sex - I love you, not him - I've never done this before - please forgive me - it'll never happen again - I was bored - it was just a fling." I heard none of that sorry shit. She just sat there, pale as a ghost, with her head down. For a brief moment I felt sympathy for her, but I quickly cast that aside.  

I rose, looked at her one last time, turned and quickly walked out of the door and out of her life.




But Love Is Blind....



*********************

Since the divorce was uncontested, it went through relatively quickly. Fellows had kept his word (like he had a choice?) He was gone in less than a month, his practice sold to a new physician.

Jenny had made no attempt to contact me which was a relief. I wanted to put this whole sorry mess behind me as quickly as possible. Did I grieve? Of course I did - it's not easy to move on after being in love with and married to a woman for almost 25 years. Did I have doubts about the action I had taken? No, I knew that I had no other option. So there were many nights that I just stared, unthinking, at television images until the boredom drove me to a sleeping pill and bed.

Then, on a Sunday afternoon, a few weeks after the final decree, my son showed up on my doorstep. "Hi Dad," he said as he put his arms around me and gave me a hug. 

"Teddy, it's good to see you. Where's your wife? Is everyting ok?" I asked worriedly. 

"No, Dad, everything is not okay, in fact it stinks and I need to talk to you. Diane wanted to come, but I convinced her to let me do this. I didn't want you to think that we were ganging up on you."

"Oh, oh," I thought. "Here it comes." I led my son into the living room and asked if he wanted something to drink. He shook his head and took a breath.

"Dad, Mom is a mess. We're really afraid for her health. She has lost too much weight and she has become a virtual hermit in the house. She told us all about her affair and has accepted the fact that the divorce is totally her fault, but you've got to do something. She's killing herself."

This is not the first time I had heard of Jenny's deterioration. Cheryl had forced me to listen to her a couple of weeks earlier. I pulled my chair closer to Ted and tried to explain my predicament. "Teddy," I began. "I could go and see your mother, but it would be futile. She would be able to tell in a second the reason why I had come. She would see that I was there not because I wanted a reconciliation, but because of the pressure exerted upon me. I could actually make the situation worse. "

"But why is that impossible, why can't a reconciliation take place? Teddy interrupted. "Dad, Mom is truly sorry. She is ashamed of what she has done. Why can't you at least try to get over this. Why can't you even accept counseling? Why are you being so intransigent." 

"Son," I began. "I'll try to explain, but please, just listen and try to understand. I have given that subject a lot of thought and I'll attempt to explain to you why I feel as I do.

"First of all your mother's infidelity was not a one time event, a temporary loss of judgement, a tipsy, unfortunate mistake that she hadn't planned or anticipated. Her affair was a cold, calculated affair that had been going on for months. She knew what she was doing and the possible consequences. She also knew what the discovery of her adultery would do to me, her loving husband - how it would totally devastate me.

"There is a very good reason why a certain phrase is inserted in almost all wedding vows. It was in mine and it was in yours as well. That phrase is 'forsaking all others.' I know that it sounds trite and old fashioned, but I now understand how important those words are - how critical they are to a marriage.

"Teddy, a marriage is built on love, commitment and trust. I really don't think that anything is as sacred as the physical union between two loving, committed adults and I truly believe that that cannot be shared because sharing it minimizes that love, that bond. That which is shared becomes less valuable and less significant.  When a man and a wife join they become one, a union more significant that any partnership. When a spouse breaks those vows and shares himself or herself with another, they in effect are saying that they really do not value their union with their partner. He or she is saying that the physical intimacy in a marriage is not all that important or significant, it can be shared. I cannot accept that.

"Also, it isn't just the adultery, the infidelity that is difficult to overcome. It's also the lying, the cheating, the betrayal, the humiliation that is heaped upon the unsuspecting partner, the total lack of respect shown for the unsuspecting spouse. The cheater is, in effect, saying that the spouse is stupid, deserves to be betrayed, and that their union really does not have all that much value. The cheater may not recognize this motive, but it's there just the same. I truly believe that once the trust is destroyed, the union is over. If a partner cannot be trusted, then the foundation upon which any partnership is based, is doomed.

"I know that many may view my stubbornness as bullheaded and intolerant - the bitterness of a fool who refuses to give his wife an opportunity to prove her love and loyalty. They may be right, but I can't help how I feel. I deeply feel the betrayal, the humiliation, the lessening of a sense of myself as a man and a husband. I just can't get over that, Ted. I just can't." 

"God, Dad. Don't you love Mom anymore?" he asked tearfully.

I couldn't help it, tears started streaming down my face. "I still love your mother, Teddy. That's the hell that I have to live with every day for the rest of my life." I choked out. 

******************** 

Cheryl made attempts to speak with me about my divorce. She had remained close to Jenny and was giving her whatever support she could. I quite calmly but emphatically told her that it was a topic that I didn't want to talk about. She got the message and dropped her attempts to get me to open up. Until, one day in my office........

"Jake, please don't say one word. There's something that you should know and I don't want you to interrupt me." Cheryl then took a deep breath. "Jake, Jenny is pregnant!"

I sat there with my mouth open, totally shocked. Then it hit me, I had completely forgotten about how I screwed around with her birth control pills. I hadn't really thought that what I did would prove so effective. Conflicting feelings zipped through my head. The first was regret, I really didn't want to wish this on Jenny. This news only made our separation even more inevitable.  I just shook my head and sat back in my chair.

Cheryl had kept her eyes on me as I reacted to her news. She saw the shock and surprise. "Jake, you know Jenny. She absolutely refuses to even consider an abortion. She has decided to have the child and then give it up for adoption."

"Well, Cheryl. Perhaps she should contact Brian Fellows and inform him that he's going to be a father again," I replied bitterly. I was immediately sorry for that remark and told Cheryl that.

"In any event, Cheryl. There's nothing that I can do. As you know, money is not a problem - Jenny has plenty and is perfectly able to take the time off to have the baby. I wish her well."

"Damn, Jake. You have really turned into one cold, heartless bastard." she snapped at me and turned and walked out of my office.

I sat there, stunned. I'm the cold, heartless bastard? I'm the one who screwed around for months behind my wife's back? I'm the one that cut out all sex because of a made-up disease? I realized then that I'll never understand women. When push comes to shove, they band together. Well, that's good in a way. Jenny has someone upon which to lean. Good for them both, they deserve each other.

Well, over the next few months Cheryl and I managed to regain at least a semblance of a working relationship, and eventually we regained our friendship. She began to understand how dramatically Jenny's unfaithfulness affected me, how devastated I was. She had been so wrapped up in trying to get Jenny out of her depression that she had lost sight of her part in our breakup.

It was one day in my office that Cheryl told me that she finally saw my point of view. "I'm truly sorry, Jake. I had been so concerned about Jenny and what was happening to her that I completely minimized how you must have felt and are feeling. There's no question that you have been treated badly. Jenny finally got through to me how horribly she had acted. Please forgive me?"

"Of course, Cheryl. I'm just happy that Jenny has such a good friend in you. I'm sure that you're a tremendous help to her. I hope that she is coping better?" The question in my voice was obvious.

Cheryl nodded. "Yes, it seems that her pregnancy woke her up and made her realize that there was a life to lead. She is far from happy, but she's coping. I think that she'll be ok. She's considering two couples as possible potential parents for the baby. She's trying to keep busy. 

I smiled, a bit relieved to hear that my ex-wife was managing, but I really didn't want to hear any more news from that direction.

Despite my feeble protests in that direction Cheryl managed, now and then, here and there, to let me know what was happening with Jenny. She was managing, but was dreadfully unhappy. She was getting through one day at a time. She was doing ok because of the baby - she wanted to be healthy so as not to harm the baby, etc., etc., etc.

I was doing the same, getting through life one day at a time. What no one knew what that I was terribly unhappy also. I missed Jenny, missed her with every fibre of my being. I actually, a time or two, thought about trying to reconcile, but I knew, deep down, that that wouldn't work. I just couldn't forget the cheating, the adultery. I knew that I wouldn't be able to get over that. That probably says more about me as a person than Jenny. Was I really a cold, heartless asshole? Doesn't everyone deserve another chance? Questions like these buffeted me - drove me nuts. Yet, when the day was done, I knew that I wouldn't be able to forget or forgive. Maybe I was a bad person after all, or just a weak one.

Everyday ended the same. I would leave work and rush home to my apartment. I would have a sandwich or something else that was moldering in the fridge. Then I would sit down with my first scotch of the day. I would watch the news on the TV and nurse that scotch. When the glass was empty I would refill it with fresh ice cubes and nurse the second scotch. Many times there was a third and occasionally a fourth. I knew that this was not a good thing. Was I turning into an alcoholic?  I didn't think so, but really didn't care all that much. It wasn't affecting my work, so fuck it. It made me feel better.

I was now 50 years old and my future looked bleak. I know, I know. I have a profession, I make a lot of money, I can buy almost anything, within reason, I want. So I lost my wife, so what. It happens every day to someone, somewhere. I knew I had better stop feeling sorry for myself and make some decisions. One thing I did know, I was bored, really bored with corporate law. I went into work with my ass dragging and left the same way. I thought about shifting into criminal law. I knew that I would need some retraining. I started to really think about it. I also started to think about chucking it all and retiring. Maybe I'd take a cruise around the world. Shit, I didn't know what I wanted to do. 

Chery and I continued our friendship. No, there was nothing romantic - she was just a very dear friend, to both Jenny and myself. She also remained a link between the two of us. A link I wasn't sure that I wanted, but was now reluctant to break. Cheryl continued seeing Jenny regularly, for lunch, some shopping, etc. - whatever women do.

One early afternoon, I was walking past a small eatery near my office, when I decided to stop in and get a cappuccino to go. As I waited at the counter, I glanced into the dining room and there sat Cheryl and a very pregnant Jenny. They didn't see me, but this was the first sight I had of my ex-wife since the confrontation in the hotel room. I suddenly couldn't breathe, it was as if a giant iron fist had grabbed hold of my chest. I stumbled out of the door and, as quickly as I could, made my way back to my office. 

I sat behind my desk and tried to regain control of my breathing. Goddamn it, it wasn't fair. Why should I have to suffer like this? Jenny's betrayal should have extinguished any love I had for her. Why did the very sight of her cause me such pain? Shit, I was a complete mess. Was this the way my life was going to go? 

For the first time since my break-up, I thought about seeing a shrink. Everyone had recommended that I do so, but I had ignored any such suggestion. I didn't think I had a problem - now I wasn't so sure. Was it actually possible that I could forget and forgive? I really didn't think so, but I also knew that I was miserable. I had to do something. 

I don't know how long I sat there, ruminating. It could have been ten minutes or two hours. I looked up and saw Cheryl standing in the doorway, leaning against the jamb.

"I saw you, you know," she said quietly. "I saw how you staggered out of the place. No, I didn't say anything to Jenny, I saw no need to. Jake, you've got to do something, you're going to drive yourself crazy."

I knew that she was right. I had to do something, but I wasn't yet sure what to do. I looked up at Cheryl and she could see that I wasn't a happy camper.

"Cheryl, do me a really big favor and just let me be for awhile. I know that I have to make some decisions, and I will, but right now I need to be alone, ok?"

Cheryl nodded and left, shutting the door behind her. I just sat and stared at the closed door. I didn't know what the fuck to do. Then it came to me, I suddenly knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to get the hell away. Away from Jenny, away from Cheryl, away from the office. I needed a goddamn vacation. I know, not a huge epiphany, but real just the same.

I called the senior partner and told him that I was taking some time off. I had nothing pressing anyway and he asked when I would be back. I told him I had no idea. He chuckled and told me to have a good time. I went down, got into my BMW and drove to the nearest Lincoln dealer. Two hours later I drove out in a Town Car. It was like driving a fucking living room sofa down the highway, but damn, it was comfortable and it suited my needs at the time.

I drove home, packed a couple of suitcases, a garment bag and my toiletries. I was on the road by 5 p.m, headed south. I stopped around 10, south of Richmond, Va., got a room and went to sleep. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch but wasn't really hungry. I was up early, walked over to a Waffle House and had a hearty breakfast. Shit, I was feeling better already.

I crossed the Florida state line sometime that night, I really didn't feel much driving fatigue so I continued south and got a room off the Interstate around St. Augustine. I had a light dinner, took a quick shower and hit the sack. I was asleep in around 5 minutes. 

The next day I drove into St. Augustine and was impressed. It's a pretty, little town. I went into a real estate office, asked about accommodations and rented a very nice, furnished one bedroom condo with a wrap around balcony right on the ocean. I paid for two weeks up front and was moved in by the afternoon. I went out and bought some basic groceries. I thought about getting a couple of bottles of good scotch but decided against it. I wanted my head to be clear.

I enjoyed myself, I really did. I went out to dinner every night and had breakfast and lunch on the balcony of the condo. I started jogging on the beach during the early morning and then swam in the ocean. And I thought and fought with myself. I was lucky I was able to do that silently, someone would have called the men in the white coats otherwise.

So, for about a week I sat and argued with myself, I jogged and argued with myself, I walked and argued with myself. I was miserable without Jenny, that was a given. If I somehow managed an attempt to reconcile with her, I strongly suspected I would still be miserable. I seriously doubted that I would be able to forget and forgive. 

What were my alternatives? I could try to get on with my life, try to forget Jenny and how she fucked her lover in the bed of that hotel. Shit, I tried that, I was even more miserable.

Another option would be to move, move away from that region of the country. Perhaps move down here in Florida. That option looked very attractive to me. I had plenty of money, perhaps I would even get a license to practice here and open a small office. It would be easier to move on and forget.

But weren't the years together with my wife worth at least an attempt to get over her infidelity? I knew that I loved her, so why not at least give in and seek counseling, perhaps even see a shrink. Could I do that? Was it possible that I could get over her adultery?  Or perhaps the easiest answer would be to just chuck it all and move. 

I cursed, I swore, I sweated. I was on the horns of a dilemma, and I was tired of riding that bull. It took almost a week before I calmed down and become rational and that was when I came to a tentative conclusion about when I should do.

It was in the early afternoon when I picked up my cell phone and turned it on - it had been off since I left the office for my "vacation." I called Cheryl at the office.

"Hi Sweetie, it's me, Jake," I tried to keep it light and sweet.

There was dead silence for a couple of seconds, then she erupted. "You rotten son-of-a-bitch," she screamed. "How dare you scare the shit out of me that way. How dare you disappear without a word to anyone." 

I tried to tell her that I had cleared my absence, but she just keep yelling at me. I waited until she finally ran out of breath and interrupted.

"Shut the fuck up, Cheryl. I had to get away, don't you understand that. You yourself told me I was going nuts. I just wanted to get away to think, to try to come to some conclusions. Shit, I needed to get away," I said plaintively. 

Cheryl was quiet then she answered softly. "Ok, Jake, I guess I understand. We can't talk now, I have someone waiting to see me."

I quickly told her that I would call her that evening. She interrupted and said, "I'm going out for dinner with Jenny tonight, Jake. How about I give you a call after I get home, and keep your fucking cell phone on."

I received a call from Cheryl at exactly 7:16 p.m that evening. "Jake, Jake," Cheryl was breathless. "Jake, Jenny hemorrhaged at the restaurant. God, there was blood everywhere. The paramedics just put her in the ambulance. I'm following to the hospital. I'll call you as soon as I know anything. Keep your phone near you."

"Cheryl, what hospital?  What did the medics say? .............." But I received no answer, Cheryl was already gone.

I paced, I sat, I went out on the balcony. At exactly 8:36 p.m., my cell phone rang. It was Cheryl and she was sobbing. 

"Jake, there were complications," she managed to get out. The last words I heard, before dropping the phone, was Cheryl wailing "Jake, she's dead, Jenny's dead."