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The Interview Project Pt. 01

By: Barnaby



The Interview Project Part One: Dani 

"It's Not Love I'm Looking For..." - Dani

My first choice was Dani, one of the regular customers at my store. We had recently bonded over a delightful three - hour conversation while I worked. She just loved to talk and even that initial conversation touched on sex more than a bit. When she subsequently stripped off her top in one of the aisles to show me her tattoo, I decided she was enough of an exhibitionist for the interview. I asked and she accepted. I bought her dinner after work one day and then we adjourned to a local park to talk. Dani is a 19 year old blonde. Undoubtedly if you looked up the word "cute" in an unabridged dictionary, it would have her picture next to it. She's got a temper, though, and she chain - smoked while I talked her down from a bad day at work before we got started. She is also a Wiccan, a military brat and a great conversationalist. We talked about many things until well after dark so what follows is a much - abridged version of our discussion. Meet Dani.

B - First of all, tell me about yourself.

D - I am...a teenager. I don't even know what to say about myself.

B - Well, who are you?

D - Uhhh...who am I? Uhh...

B - Apparently these are tougher questions than I thought.

D - Alright, I'm a teenager. I'm a very outgoing person. I enjoy hanging out with people. I'm usually the crazy one. I'm usually the one that gets everyone in trouble. Never anything "deathly," y'know, but usually something that ends us up kicked out of one place or another or banned for a good long time. I'm actually not allowed in K Mart... for pillow fighting.

B - (laughs)

D - Yeah...That was with my best friend, Roy. We got into a lot of trouble 'cause we knocked over a display case that had lots of diamond rings in it. It was fun, though!

B - How did you first learn about sex?

D - Ummmm...my first boyfriend. 

B - Your parents never told you anything?

D - No. My mom is, like, the ringleader of fun parties (those sex toys and lingerie gatherings) and everything but she always assumed I knew, which I guess most people assume nowadays because schools supposedly teach you about it. But really, my, ummm, first boyfriend. I mean he was I don't want to say a pervert but obsessed and had really weird ideas about sex. He'd watched too many porn videos and he thinks that's what sex is supposed to be.

B - When did you discover masturbation?

D - Oh, God! In my teens.

B - Okay.

D - Yeah, but I didn't know what it was at that time! It was just...I don't know...

B - It was something that felt good to you.

D - Yeah, basically. I didn't even know it was supposedly bad until I got caught! (laughs) My mom walked in on me when I was seventeen: "What the HELL are you doin'?!!" "Ehhh...nothin'?"

B - (laughs)

D - And so that was basically when me and my mom decided to have our little chit - chat. I decided to tell her I was having sex and she freaked out, tried to put me under house arrest, and it lasted a whole two days. Then I started sneaking out of the house and got engaged that Christmas and almost got married the next June. Thankfully, I didn't.

B - How do you masturbate?

D - There's a process?

B - (laughs) You know, vibrators, toys...?

D - Oh! No. Nothing. Just umm...hands. (giggles)

B - What do you think about? Do you fantasize about someone you've been with or would like to be with or...?

D - Not really. Nothing really. Just a hurry up so I can go to sleep kind of thing.

B - So it's a relaxing thing?

D - Sounds boring but, yeah. It makes me sleepy. That's basically it...and it makes my arm hurt. (laughs)

B - Did you enjoy sex the first time you had it? 

D - No! Hurt like hell.

B - Did you have an orgasm? Do you have orgasms?

D - No. Not during sex. It's a figment of people's imaginations. It's not that I don't enjoy it. It's more of a physical contact thing because I don't spend a lot of time with people. It's not really an intimate thing to me. It's just the actual physical contact with another human being.

B - In your own head, what do you call your private parts?

D - I...don't have a name! I've heard a lot of names but...One of my friends calls it a "hootchiebobber."

B - Really? Well, then, let's not talk about them. That's too weird. Next question: Do you shave?

D - Yeah. Every bit. It's a hygiene thing.

B - Do you like your smell?

D - No! Ewwwww!! Stinky!

B - Well, a lot of guys do. It's fantastic. It's wonderful. Its you! 

D - Ewww! Why? I can't imagine that being wonderful! (uncontrollable laughter)

B - Overall, do you like your body?

D - Yes! It's been a very, very long process but, umm...on average, yes. There are still bad days.

B - Do you like to read erotica?

D - Yes.

B - Do you like to look at porn or watch porn films?

D - No.

B - Why? What's the difference?

D - It seems too fake when it's put where you're actually seeing it, 'cause you can't imagine it. You actually see what's going on and that leaves no room to imagine anything.

B - ...And since the whole thing is a fantasy, it SHOULD be in your imagination?

D - Yeah! It should be in your head, not someone else playing it out for you. If you're reading it, it's your imagination, not actors where it has nothing to do with you? Its not personalized.

B - Do you talk dirty to guys?

D - Not when I can help it. I think it is the fakest sounding thing in the world...and I don't like it.

B - Do guys ask for it?

D - Yes, Bob. I walk into his house and he's got a porn video on TV and he's usually stark naked so...basically, there's no point in going over there.

B - Sounds like he doesn't understand the concept of...

D - ...of "Hi! How ya doin'?" Nothin'!

B - I was going to say of actually being with a real person. Its like he thinks he's shooting a scene for a sex movie.

D - Exactly! Yeah.

B - Would you consider yourself to be kinky?

D - Depends on the mood I'm in.

B - Have you ever been tied up...or would you like to be?

D - No. That doesn't give me enough control. I like to be in control.

B - So, I can assume woman on top is your favorite position?

D - Actually not. Doggie style, really, 'cause that honestly feels the best.

B - Do you like rough sex?

D - I do NOT like violence! I've watched my mom get beat so many times, and I've gotten beat so many times. Not cool! That's my whole control issue. A man should never hit a woman. Being playful is one thing but leaving marks is an entirely different issue!

B - Okay, changing the subject just a bit, have you ever been with a woman?

D - No, women are not attractive to me. Well, they're attractive but...they're not, I don't know, sexy to me. For me, if I look at another naked woman, I'm comparing myself to her. I look at PLAYBOY all the time but it's more to see what they're doing and stuff.

B - Have you been with multiple partners?

D - In the same instance? No. Again, I'm jealous, too. 'Cause of being cheated on as many times as I have, if I went that far, I would worry about the other (girl) coming back. That I would show up and they would be there and I wouldn't like that. Bob has begged me and begged me to bring a friend along to his house. I guess that's when I started realizing it's just a sex thing with him.

B - No, it's a porn film thing! It's obvious! He's hitting all the porn movie clichés.

B/D - (laughter)

D - When he decided to inform me that he found choking so sexy, that's when I decided to leave. I blacked out the one time I let him do it so I'm like, "I think NOT!" He's like six foot five and he works out every single day. He's four times my size. To me, I'm not in control so therefore, no, I think not.

B - How much of sex is a control issue with you?

D - Ummm, probably 100% of it. I mean, even in a regular relationship, not just the sexual part, I make the plans, I take care of everything, 'cause I would rather it be like that than me be uncomfortable.

B - So, just overall, you're a complete control freak?

D - Yes! Yes! I can so admit that! (laughter)

B - Okay, okay, still on how kinky you are, have you ever had anal sex?

D - No. Tried to once, though. It hurt.

B - Oral sex?

D - Yes! I really enjoy it. I don't like it done to me, though. Takes too long.

B - That's because they're doing it wrong, dear!

D - (laughs) Then I guess I've never met anybody who's done it right then! Takes too long and it doesn't really feel all that great.

B - What do you like about going down on a guy then?

D - Well, for one, I can watch his reactions. I can gauge how long or how short it lasts.

B - So it's another control issue?

D - It really is. I can decide what I'm doing and what I'm not gonna do.

B - Do you swallow?

D - Yes. I don't like messes. Again, it's a control thing. Bob seems to find it necessary to pull out from either my mouth or...y'know?

B - Well, of course he does! We've already established he thinks he's in a porn film!

D - Well, I don't LIKE that and I've told him that but he's, like, "Oh, you're gonna get pregnant." That's why I take birth control pills. He just seems to think that's just the best thing in the world and I can't stand to be messy, sticky, dirty or anything! My whole thing is, right after, I just want to get in the shower. Being all sweaty and stuff is not attractive to me. Bluh!

B - What's your absolute favorite sex act, then?

D - Hmmm. I don't know. I like doggie style but I can't see the guy behind me. I don't like that. But it's the best feeling one. So I guess oral sex because I can always watch what they're doing. And I guess for the guy, it's a good thing, too, 'cause they see you watching them.

B - For most guys, a blowjob's just about their favorite thing in the whole world.

D - Yeah, I've come to understand that...which doesn't bother me 'cause I'd rather that than have them go down on me. Like you said, they don't do it right. An hour later, they're, like, "aagh!" Their tongues are numb and I'm sitting there like, "Are you done yet?" It's Bo - ring!

B - What's something you would never do?

D - A threesome.

B - What's something you would like to do but have never tried?

D - Actually, sex while driving. I've done handjobs while driving but not actual sex.

B - What's your favorite fantasy?

D - When I was younger, any one of the popular music guys just had me fit to tie.

B - Hanson?

D - Either Isaac or Taylor but not the younger one. He's only a year younger than me but...

B - You were already thinking of yourself as a woman but he was a little kid?

D - Yeah. Or any one of the Backstreet Boys. I had a crush on the oldest one. I think that's where I like older guys from, too. Plus from dating a 19 year old and it turned out really shitty. It makes me trust older guys. When they're at least in their later twenties, you can count on them, at least usually, being a little more mature. Which is something I require.

B - What is the strangest place you've ever had sex?

D - In a 113, a tank.

B - Really?!

D - Yes! That was my first time. Yes, I had just joined the National Guard and I had just started dating Phil and it was the first night we did anything. I mean, it was only handjob type stuff but it lasted a very long time, from, like 1 in the morning until 3. We steamed up what little windows were in it. (laughter) The cops caught us! They told us we needed to leave. He was in full uniform.

B - You were, errr...out of uniform, I assume?

D - Yeah, at that time I was undressed. About 3 o'clock, they heard us and opened up the hatch and we both freaked out! We thought it was our recruiter! That would have been horrible! But that was my very first time. That was my first experience and it was good. I won't deny I enjoyed it but I think it was more 'cause it was the first time and I didn't expect a lot.

B - So your particular fetish would seem to be uniforms?

D - Yes! Not young men in uniforms, though. Guys in their mid to late twenties in uniform.

B - So, despite you being a control freak, you prefer authoritative men?

D - Yes, but...! I can usually pick out guys that are easily led. Phil was the beginning. He doesn't really fit any kind of profile but every guy I have dated aside from Tim has been a soldier...and Tim was just a psychopath! Jeff was a sergeant, John was a lieutenant and Kevin is or was a corporal or something. I don't really remember the ranks in the Navy. So I've dated two Navy officers, one Army officer and one Army enlisted. Kevin likes to refer to me as his "little whore". As I said, I don't like talking dirty. It's repulsive.

B - It's not necessarily that it's repulsive. It's just that if it doesn't come naturally, it just ends up sounding, well...stupid.

D - Right. And I'm not gonna call myself a little whore, you know?

B - How do you relate sex to love?

D - I don't. Sex does not equal love whatsoever.

B - You don't think sometimes when you're having sex, what you're really wanting is love?

D - I think you can try to equate it with it but it will never equal up because you don't prove you love someone by having sex with them.

B - But I mean, is that what you're actually looking for?

D - Hmmmm...

B - 'Cause earlier, you said you didn't like the cliches of it, you liked the closeness of it.

D - Right. Right. It's not love I'm looking for because I've always had the opinion 'til John came along that love didn't exist. You could have the closeness with someone and you could feel the need to spend the rest of your life with them but it's not a love like you feel toward your family. To everyone, it's different, I guess. I've only been in love one time and now I'm not even sure that was love. It was right after I had broken up with the guy I had intended to marry—that I had broken up with, and I was over him the next day, y'know? I was going out with another guy the next day.

B - Yeah, but was that just to help you get over it?

D - No, because I'm still seeing him now. I've been seeing him off and on for the last nine months.

B - Do you use protection?

D - No, I'm allergic to latex, very seriously allergic. Don't even get a condom within ten feet of me or I throw up. I take birth control pills, which I'm actually allergic to as well.

B - There's a hundred and fifty kinds! Try a different one!

D - They all have too much estrogen. My body produces enough estrogen that when I get too high of amounts, it makes me throw up so it defeats the purpose of taking the pill 'cause I'm throwing it right back up. They put me on the shot. The shot was great! It was a small price to pay for not being grouchy and PMS - ing it for a year. My dad thought I was gonna go sterile. He has no concept of birth control.

B - Well, there is one school of thought that it does cause sterility.

D - That would not hurt my feelings. I do not want children. I don't know. Pulling out is not something I rely on. The "pull and pray" method just...

B - Well, the whole point is, while the guy is inside, there's stuff coming out the whole time.

D - Right. But most people don't...There's more sperm in the pre - cum than there is in the actual cum. That's why there's a different taste. There's more of the actual stuff...I don't know what it's called. The "pull and pray" method is completely bunk and that's how people end up pregnant at fourteen.

B - Do you worry about diseases?

D - Yes, very much. That's why I have a big issue with people cheating on each other. I don't care. It's not a big deal to me except for that. It was more of a betrayal to me that I was cheated on because of us not using protection because he could have given me anything and if he would have given me something that was life - threatening, I would have threatened his life. 'Cause that is NOT cool!

B - Wait a minute, you're so anti - violence and yet you're threatening people here.

D - Well...yeah. Remember, I'm the one that's in control here, though, I can change the rules.

B - (laughs) I guess that's true. Anyway, have you ever slept with a guy on the first date?

D - Yes! I have very many times.

B - Well, how do you rationalize that with your worrying about diseases? You don't even know these people!

D - Yes...yes, but I'm very open. We usually talk about it beforehand. That's something I usually talk about because it's very, very important. You can't have a relationship without sex but you can have love without sex.

B - Really? You can't have a relationship without sex?

D - I cannot have a platonic relationship with a man I'm attracted to. I can be friends with tons of people. I'm friends with my best friend, Roy, but he's gay and not my type and I'm not his. But, like, John, I could not have a platonic relationship with him.

B - Have you ever dated a married man?

D - Yes, who I knew was married and they had just had a kid.

B - Why'd you do it?

D - I was bored. Basically, it's the only thing I can come up with because he's everything my parents would not want me to be with. For one, he's black. I'm not a racist person but there are people in my family who are. I wouldn't do anything to make my family upset with me. Just that fact would've sent them through the roof! And the fact that he was married and stuff, too. 'Course, my dad, his first wife cheated on him.

B - Well, how do you justify your feelings about people cheating with your kind of encouraging him to do so and cheat with you?

D - I can't. Like I said, it was a mistake. I shouldn't have done it but I was bored and honestly I was lonely because John had just left. I really, really cared about John and when he left it hurt me beyond anything.

B - Have you ever had sex during your period?

D - Yes.

B - Well, did you like it?

D - No!

B - Did the guy?

D - Yes, oddly enough.

B - I guess because it's wetter.

D - Wetter? It's messy!

B - Some guys actually like to go down on a woman during her period, 'cause the flavor's different.

D - Oh, Gods! That is disgusting! I just can't imagine that. That is just asking for a disease.

B - Not necessarily, the blood should be relatively sterile.

D - Blood? Blood is NOT clean!

B - Well, it's not dirty.

D - Yes, it is! It's coming out of your body!

B - Well, where do you think all of those other bodily fluids we've been discussing come from?

D - (laughs) This is true! Anyway, you know those puppy mats that, like, soak up everything? We laid one of those down because I didn't want to get it on the sheets...and it wasn't MY sheets either!

B - Are you a moaner?

D - No, I'm a screamer, unfortunately, and loud enough for some people to put a pillow over my head to try and muffle me.

B - How many guys have you been with?

D - Five. Evidently, I'm not too much of a whore, 'cause everyone I talk to is, like, in double digits. It's like, "Wow!"

B - Were you ever sexually abused?

D - Yes, at age 4 and 5. I remember every bit of it, though, when I was 3, 4 and 5. It was by two different men. My stepfather, for one, and my babysitter's husband. The first one, I didn't tell anyone about. My mom remembers it 'cause she was there but it really wasn't that big a deal at the time. He was teaching me to French kiss. To me that's perverted, teaching a 3 year old to French kiss. She divorced him really soon after that so it wasn't a really drawn out thing. But when I was 4 and 5, I went to my babysitters and her husband...it wasn't just me, it was his granddaughter, her cousin, me and another little girl. I was the only one that told. We were in preschool and I went to the teacher and told her. The police showed up and everything which explains why I do not like authority.

B - Doesn't explain the uniform fetish.


The Interview Project Pt. 01



D - (laughs) Yeah, yeah...but I told her and she called the cops and he denied it and the cops told me I was bad 'cause I lied to the adults. And that's why I don't trust cops. I told John. It's easier for me to talk about now. I was going through having the flashbacks of it right about the time I started finding Wicca. That's why I say Wicca is one of the best things to come into my life. It's helped me deal with it, more with the meditation and stuff like that. I used to have a violent streak. You say I do now, but you didn't see me when I was 15! 

B - Well, talking about it and doing it are two different things.

D - Exactly! I used to do it. I would throw things, kick things, I've put holes in walls. Its 'cause I had an attitude and I don't like authority figures. I've never had a steady father figure in my life until my stepdad. He's a great guy. I call him "dad" and it's all good and dandy but when he first came in, he tried to impose rules on me. You know, I grew up for 11, 12 years without any rules. You're not gonna suddenly force them on me and then force me into church and stuff. It just doesn't work.

B - What about the concept of you being attracted only to older guys? Could this be you just looking for a father figure?

D - I don't think so. People have mentioned it 'cause my mom's been married four times. There's been people say it, especially about John, 'cause he's forty - something. To me, though, it's more of just looking for a friend thing. If it's someone I could talk to, like me and John, we talked all the time. And Tim, too, we actually talked.

B - If you did have a son or daughter, how would you talk to them about sex?

D - I'd tell 'em its completely natural. It's not something you should be ashamed of. I wasn't taught to be ashamed of it. It was completely ignored. My mom is very open about it now.

B - Well, naturally, after she caught you with your hand between your legs!

D - (laughs) She's more open about it now because she thinks I don't have any negative feelings about it. I almost guarantee you because of when I was younger...'cause that messes a lot of people up. A lot of people don't deal with it. They just push it away. I didn't deal with it all for a long time. When I was 14, I tried to kill myself. I mean, going through that kind of stuff...I was dealing with that, trying to figure out who I was, for one, dealing with becoming a woman...which was NOT going well. Dealing with abandonment issues because of realizing my birth mother and father didn't want me. What the Hell!? And then realizing that my adoptive father didn't want me either 'cause he left right after he adopted us. He started paying child support when we were 17, so its not like he's ever given a rat's ass about us! Same way with my birth father. He went to jail when I was 12. All these issues just came together all at once and I couldn't handle it. When I was 14, I had a nervous breakdown. That's why my mom worries about me so much. She's the one that found me when I tried to kill myself.

B - I'm sorry. Do you think that's why you're such a control freak now?

D - Yes, I'd almost guarantee it. I don't like to hurt. I don't know any rational human being that does. When I was a teen, I was almost raped. It didn't happen. The guy was older. He wanted to have sex and I had no intention of having sex with him. I was just getting past the stage where guys have cooties! It was in the same bedroom where I sleep now, which is kinda weird. He, like, pinned me down and proceeded to do whatever he wanted to do and the only thing that stopped him was my uncle woke up and went to the bathroom and I told him if he didn't get off me I would scream and my uncle would be in there. He's, like, "I thought you wanted to" and I'm "Obviously not, when I say NO!"

B - Its almost worse to be nearly raped than to be raped. It's still a violation.

D - It does some really freakin' mental shit to you!

B - How do you foresee your sexual future?

D - Not many more partners, I know that.

B - Are you looking to settle down, then?

D - I don't really want to get married and I don't want to have children, either but it's inevitable. I do think I will. I'm good with people, period, and I don't like to be by myself. I'm a chicken - shit when it comes to living on my own. I don't like the dark. I'm scared of the dark, 'cause I know what's out there. B - I see.

D - Hey, how long have we been here, anyway? I've really gotta pee!

B - We can go now. Thank you, Dani.

END part one



The Interview Project Pt. 02



The Interview Project Part Two: Dru's Story

"Sometimes my body just takes over and things happen."- Dru

My second choice for The Interview Project was the former employee that had gotten me started writing for Lit in the first place when the two of us decided to enter an erotic short story contest we saw advertised on a magazine cover. Neither of us finished a story at that time but mine was plotted and halfway written when I discovered this website. The rest is history. I met Drusilla when she had just turned eighteen. She is one of those girls who can literally get away with murder. She comes across as ditsy, but spiritual, child-like, yet sexy and always open to anything. Despite a recent trip to Amsterdam (I still didn't get the whole scoop on that.), she's a typical, small-town, suburban girl working as a waitress. We had discussed the subject of sex occasionally in the past and she said she would've been greatly offended if I hadn't included her in this project. The park where I had previously talked with Dani was near her new apartment so we returned there on a sunny evening to talk about her sex life. 

B-Okay, first of all, tell me about yourself. Who are you?

D-I am 20 years old. I have blondish, well, not blonde but brownish-reddish hair. I'm not fat but I'm not incredibly skinny either.

B- (laughing) Yes, you are!

D-( giggles) Okay, okay! I'm tall and skinny! I like to work out as hard as I can and…well, I'm sexually active! That's about it.

B-What's your religious background?

D- Wicca.

B-I mean, were you raised with that?

D- Oh, no.

B-What religion were you raised in then?

D-None actually. They decided to let me view religious experiences on my own and, after awhile, that's what I chose as right for me.

B-How old were you?

D-I guess I was about thirteen. I became interested in it and by the time I was eighteen I had finally realized what I was.

B-Did you learn about sex from your parents?

D- No, not really. More from school and then all of a sudden, I discovered porn and it was like "HEY! What's that…?!!" So….(giggles)

B-You like sex then?

D-Depends on who I'm having it with but, overall, yes, I do!

B-Do you masturbate?

D-Yes I do!

B-How do you do it?

D-Well…first I'm lying in a bed…I don't know. The mood strikes me and I just go for it!

B-I meant, do you use anything or…

D- Oh. No. My hands. That's about it.

B-Hmmm. You hear about vibrators and dildos all the time but nobody seems to use them.

D-Nah! Don't need 'em. (giggles)

B-Do you do it to relax or to have an orgasm?

D- Really for relaxation. I've never been able to have an orgasm through masturbation. There was one time where I did come close, though. It was when my boyfriend was watching me. Granted, it was dark but I knew he was watching and that just made it ten times better. When you're doing it by yourself you can get distracted or bored but if you've got somebody else watching you and they're kind of looking at you in fascination, that just gets you off. When it looks like somebody else is getting off on you getting off, well…that's what really gets me off!

B-What do you think about while you're playing with yourself? What do you fantasize about?

D-Actually, since then I fantasize about other people watching me when I'm doing it or having sex. It just makes me hotter.

B-Have you ever had a big audience?

D-Oh, no, I don't think I could ever actually do it but I love to fantasize about it!

B-How old were you when you first kissed a guy?

D-I was eleven.

B-Was it his idea or yours?

D- Mine. Well, both of ours, really. We both really wanted it.

B- 

B-Did you like the first time you actually had sex?

D-Uhhh…let's just say it was very painful. That's about it.

B-Did you have an orgasm then or do you even have orgasms?

D-No. Not then. Ummm…I do have them now, but not with every man I'm with.

B-What kinds of things turn you on?

D-I don't know. Sometimes it can be nothing, just the way someone looks at me and other times, they could just say something. It doesn't have to be a touch at all. It can be anything and "Boom!", there I am.

B-Do you like to have your neck nibbled? 

D-Oh, God, yes!! (giggles)

B-Okay, what name do you think of in your own head when you think of your private parts? What do you call your sex?

D-Actually, seriously, I just call it the real word—my vagina….or sometimes my hoo-hah.

B-(laughs) I can hear it now: Come on big boy, pound my hoo-hah!!

D-(laughs)Oh, no. I don't really talk dirty. I love it when people talk dirty to me but I don't talk dirty to them. I want to but I just don't know what to say and when I think too much about what to say, I start laughing! So I haven't gotten past the giggles with the dirty talk yet.

B-Do you shave down there?

D-Yes. Mostly, it started out I was trimming and, like, one part went bald so I decided to make the rest of it match, too.

B-Do you like the way it smells?

D-Yes.

B-Overall, do you like your body?

D-Ummm…..sometimes. Sometimes, I do. I'll look in the mirror and I'm like, "Wow!". Other times, though, I'll look in the mirror and be like, "ugh!"

B-Do you like to read erotica?

D-Oh, God, yes! Anne Rice, mainly. I haven't read much of anything else because she basically tops everything!

B-Do you like to watch porn?

D-Yes! The five and a half hour long ones, not the kind you can get in adult stores. The kind you have to order. Those are the only ones worth watching.

B-Okay, here's the big question. How many guys have you been with?

D-Hmmm…Okay, you see there's this one that I don't really want to count 'cause it only happened once and I fell asleep.

B-Geeeez, Dru! You kinda have to count them all!

D-Okay, okay. Five. Six!

B-It's interesting to me how many young girls have adopted President Clinton's definition of sex. If there was no actual intercourse, it wasn't really sex. Doesn't matter if you gave a guy three handjobs while you were showering with him, that wasn't really sex.

D-Oh. Well, if you're gonna get picky like that, that's… gonna change my numbers.

B-(laughs) Do you ever worry about your reputation?

D-No. I'm just being myself.

B-What would be your definition of a slut?

D-My definition of a slut is a girl that will sleep around all day every day and just not care.

B-Ooookay. Have you ever had sex while drinking?

D-Yes. I probably wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been drinking but I wanted it to happen and I just didn't have the guts to do it. It helped loosen me up a little bit.

B-So it was the guy's idea but you wanted to go along and the alcohol gave you that push to do it.

D-Yeah, exactly.

B-Do you prefer it rough or gentle?

D-Depends on the situation. Sometimes, a girl just really, really wants to be grabbed and pushed up against a wall and just…go for it. Other times it really needs to be nice and gentle.

B-Do you prefer to be in control or let the guy take charge of the situation?

D-Again, it just depends. Sometimes I just really want to take over so I do. Other times, like I said, I want him to just go for it and just do whatever it is he has to do and I'm just there for the ride. I like to see what he likes.

B-Do you consider yourself kinky?

D-Actually, not really. I know I like to talk about stuff like that but I don't think I really am.

B-Okay, let's find out. How many handjobs have you given?

D-Oh, God! Oh, God! I have no idea!(giggles)

B-Well, estimate. More than a hundred?

D-No. Not more than a hundred. Let's just put it down as "lots."

B-Alright. Have you been with multiple partners at the same time?

D-No.

B-Would you like to be?

D-Ooooo, that's a BAD question to ask! That's a REALLY bad question to ask! Owww… I don't really think I could ever do it. I would always want to but I doubt I could actually do it…unless I had a LOT of liquor!

B-Have you ever been with a woman? 

D-Well, I have made out with a couple but that's it.

B-Have you ever been tied up…or would you like to be? 

D-No, 'cause that involves a lot of trust and it takes quite awhile for me to actually gain that much trust for a guy.

B-Have you had sex during your period?

D-Yeeees…

B-Well, did you like it?

D-Yes! Well, most people know when you're on your period, you're constantly wet down there so its not a problem trying to…y'know? A girl can't get dried up real fast. He knew that I was on it and I was really comfortable with this guy so it was good.

B-Have you ever had anal sex?

D-Yes. It hurts but…sad to say if it was with anyone else, I wouldn't ever do it but with this one person, yes, I did.

B-Do you like to have your ass played with?

D-Oh, no!

B-Do you like to have your breasts touched?

D-God, yes! Two percent of women can actually have an orgasm just by guys sucking on their breasts.

B-You checked those statistics, did you?

D-Yes! Actually, my boyfriend is really good at it. Your nipples really hurt for like the next five days because it feels like he's tearing your nipples off, but it feels good at the time.

B-Do you like to be tickled?

D-During sex, no, because it actually hurts. When I get tickled, my stomach automatically gets tucked in and it just hurts. It doesn't make me laugh.

B-Okay, here's an essay question. If you had a man tied to a bed naked and blindfolded, what would you do to him? Discuss.

D-Oh, God, you name it, I'd do it! Chocolate, butterscotch, whipped cream. My God, that boy would be ice cream! I'd just be puttin' the topping on him! Oh, believe me, he'd be REALLY happy! (giggles)

B-All right. What, if anything, would you consider to be your fetish?

D-Ummm…I love to bite and scratch! I love it! I looove it! When I'm scratching, it feels so good that my hands are clenching and unclenching and when I'm biting, its because I'm trying not to scream. It's not just something I'm doing because I want to. I'm doing it because I have to and it feels good! I know one guy still has scratch marks from one of the first times we had sex months ago. I mean, it's a scar probably.

B-Call it a souvenir. Do you like to wear sexy lingerie?

D-Oh, of course. I can't afford it, though. Anything like that that makes a guy's jaw drop.

B-Do you like to have a guy go down on you?

D-Oh, ha, ha, yesss! For the first three years of my sex life, that's the only way I could get off. There was no other way for me to get off.

B-Do you like going down on a guy?

D-Of course.

B-Do you swallow?

D- Sometimes. All men taste different. You just have to see.

B-Have you done a 69?

D- Yeah. Yes. Very nice. It's been a really long time since I've done one of those. I was on top and the guy knew exactly how to use his tongue and he knew exactly what he was doing. I still wasn't sure. I'd done it before but I wasn't an expert or anything but in the position I was in, I started learning. It was a really good experience.

B-What's your favorite position, then?

D-I will always have to go with facing each other because I like to look into the other person's eyes. The one I feel good most with is actually doggie style, though.

B-What's your least favorite position?

D-Haven't discovered one of those yet. Sorry!

B-What's something you've never tried but would like to?

D-I've never had really, really rough sex before but I'd actually like to try that. Just totally out of surprise, out of the blue, have a guy just grab me and "Let's do it!" don't worry about where we are, what we're doing, nothing. Just do it.

B-Where are some of the stranger places you've done it?

D-Well, let's see…once I did it in the gazebo in the front yard of some guy's house. I've done it in a Jacuzzi, outside on a deck, in the shower-that's wonderful, by the way-on the living room floor…

B-How important is size to you?

D-At first I thought it was. One of the first people I was ever with had a very, very, very tiny penis and he had no idea what he was doing with it and that's when I fell asleep. I had no idea what he was doing and I was just sleepy, y'know? After that, I was convinced size does matter, but now I think that if you do know how to use it, it really doesn't.

B- What's the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you during sex?

D- Ummm…the first time I ever had an orgasm. It really wasn't that embarrassing but when I had my first orgasm, which wasn't that long ago, I realized I was a gusher.

B-Really?! Go with that! That's fascinating!

D-(giggles) Basically, I created a wading pool as I was having these orgasms.

B-Did you realize what was happening?

D-At first it freaked me out but then I realized what it had to be so… 'cause at first I really thought I was peeing but I wasn't 'cause I realized I couldn't stop it and it wasn't really coming from that area.

B-Did the guy realize what it was?

D-He asked. He was like, well…y'know?

B-Yeah, he was like "WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT, GIRL???!!!"

D-(laughs) Well, hey, some women , if they get a really strong orgasm, need to pee! But, no, it wasn't pee. This guy and I didn't have a relationship so we were comfortable with each other and we could be honest with each other without worrying about hurting each other's feelings. And he actually liked…I mean, he was amazed by it and that was the very first time I had an orgasm. After that we just kept…well, that night I actually had five of them. I guess once I start, I can't stop.

B-Did you gush with all five?

D-Yes.

B-Wow. Just, wow. Did you feel pretty drained afterward?

D-Well, I felt like I'd lost a lot of weight after that. (giggles)This guy couldn't believe I'd had five. He said it was the first time anything like that had happened to him…and he's four years older than me.

B-I guess you made his day…or year!

D-He did seem pretty impressed with himself after that.

B-Have you ever had sex on a first date?

D-No. Uh…yeah. No.

B- Well, which is it?

D- See. That's the thing. We need to define what a first date is.

B- Okay. Let's say a first date is the first time you go somewhere with a guy you don't really know.

D- Oh. Well, I guess, "yes" then. It just kinda happens. The first time was with my really good friend's brother. I got drunk for the first time and I'd been eyeing him all night anyway. Everybody at the party knew what was going to happen. I didn't. He didn't. At least, I don't think he did. But then it did. It just wound up happening. But I think I basically brought it on. We were both really drunk. He went to go to the bathroom and while he was gone, I decided I was too hot for my clothes. I took off my shirt and my pants and left nothing on but my bra and underwear. I was just lying on his bed. When he left, I was fully clothed and when he came back, I was nearly naked. That just led to it and right before it happened, he said, "Are you sure?' and I said "Yes."

B-Do you worry about birth control? 

D-Yes, I am on it. Since I was seventeen.

B- The pill?

D- Yes.

B- How about diseases?

D- Oh, yes. I'm very worried about those. I'm very careful.

B-In what way?

D- Condoms.

B- Do you keep some with you or do you depend on the guy to have them?

D-Actually, no, but I have some at my house.

B-How do you relate sex to love?

D-At first, that is how I related to it. If I loved him, then, yeah. But then, as time moved on, I just came up with a whole different theory about it and…I'm still working on that theory. Sometimes I just think, hey, everything happens for a reason. I just have to figure out that reason! Normally, I would say "no" to some situations and I surprise myself by saying "yes". Sometimes, I really want to say "yes" and I surprise myself by saying "no". Sometimes my body just kind of takes over and things happen. So…hmmm. (laughs)

B-Okay. Has there been anything you wish you hadn't done?

D-The guy I fell asleep with!

B-(laughs) You wish you hadn't fallen asleep?

D-No I wish I hadn't done HIM. If I could take back any one thing, it would be that.

B-What will you tell your children about sex?

D-That's the thing. They'll probably have to come to me about it and I'll tell them anything they want to know or else how are they gonna find out? I'm sure I probably won't be as coarse but when they want to know, I will let them know.

B-Knowing what you know now, what might you have done differently?

D-Looked at myself differently. I didn't necessarily NOT respect myself…but…I would've admired myself a bit more. I see the way guys look at me and I think, "Damn! Why are they looking at ME like that?" Some guys have had to tell me what they see in me. I have to realize that in some people's eyes, I really do look sexy. It's hard for a girl to admit she looks nice. It is!

B-It's like when I complimented you and you tried to talk me out of it. "You look nice today, Dru." "I don't have any makeup on." "Sooo…you…DON'T look nice then?" "Thank you! Geez!"

D-(laughter) Yeah, it's just hard for me to admit I'm ever sexy because, growing up, I was always an ugly girl.

B-You were not! Never!

D-Yes! I was!

B-Would you admit that being sexy is not just a look, it's an attitude?

D-Oh, yes. In order to be sexy, you HAVE to feel sexy. You have to KNOW it! That's the whole attitude. It is kind of strange, though. With some guys, I want to look really, really sexy and with other guys, I just don't care and sometimes, that doesn't matter. Sometimes, my boyfriend looks at me and I'm still in my work uniform. Just one gaze and I'm, like, "Okay!" Y'know? I mean, I went out in just these shorts and an old tank top and these shorts are not particularly sexy.

B- I don't know, they show a lot of leg.

D-Yeah, but I mean several guys were hitting on me and I couldn't figure out why 'cause all the other girls were dressed better. I didn't even have makeup on.

B- Well, maybe some guys take the time to look past the makeup and see how attractive the girl really is. The makeup is a mask. It isn't the real you in any way. No matter how good it makes you feel or look, it is still a mask. Sometimes guys really do appreciate the real girl, not the image. For instance, you give off this absolutely uncanny combination of innocence and wantonness that nobody I ever met could pull off…except you.

D-Yeah, I know. I may not understand it but I'm proud of it and I do use it sometimes.

B-How many guys hit on you in any given week?

D-I've had a lot or none. Most of the time I take it as a compliment. Sometimes, I just get really annoyed. You can usually tell when they really want to get to know you and when they're just doing it to impress their friends or make 'em laugh. Sometimes, they don't even really want to have a conversation with you.

B-To you, how important is conversation in leading up to hot sex?

D-It isn't but it is when it comes to a real relationship because, later in life, sex isn't going to be everything and you're going to have to be able to talk to the person so they don't piss you off and make you want to run out and have hot sex with somebody else!

Hey,are we nearly done? I gotta pee!

B-We're done. Thank you, Dru.

D-You're welcome.

END PART TWO



The Interview Project Pt. 03



The Interview Project Part Three: Meg's Story

"My passions control me. I don't really control my passions."- Meg

The third choice was obvious but I made it tougher. I have a friend named Meg who has followed and occasionally inspired my writing career. Sometimes, she confided her secrets in me so I knew that she was sexually active. I also knew that I would be comparing everyone else to her whether I included her or not. I was afraid though, that there might be questions she wouldn't want to answer or perhaps answers I really didn't want to know. That closeness factor that wasn't there with the others scared me. I worried that I couldn't keep my journalistic distance in her case. In the end, though, she lobbied hard for the chance to go on the record and I caved in. I had my trio. 

Easily the most complex of the girls, Meg has an almost magical quality about her that makes people want to do anything to please her. Her eyes glow with a ready smile but there's a deep sadness, too. She is introspective, empathic and naturally friendly but she projects "I'm fuckable" pheromones even when she doesn't mean to do so. According to her, she can resist anything except temptation. She's been going through some tough times lately both with men and at work. A Wiccan like the others, Meg refers to herself proudly as a witch. She's barely 20 but hers is an old soul. Her philosophy of sex comes from the book SLOW HANDS by Lynn Kaufman: "Sex-like any other interaction, it must be respectful of both parties and its intention must be to do good and not harm. Beyond that, sex is a private matter." At least until now. Once again, we returned to the park for our interview. I believe the joggers are beginning to talk.

B-First of all, let's start with the basics. Tell me about yourself. Who are you?

M-My name is Meg and I...I am complex! I'm twenty, I work in retail, I live on my own, I love sex and I'm a witch!

B-What's your family background?

M-Well, my family comes from the South. I was born and raised there for the first thirteen years of my life. My mother's parents were a big influence on my childhood as was my father's mother. 

B-What about your religious background?

M-Religiously, I was not brought up with Wicca. In fact, it goes against everything I was brought up with.

B-Which was what?

M-Well, let's see. I was baptized Methodist. That's the church my parents were going to at the time-my grandmother's church. My mother's side of the family-my mom's mom-is Baptist. Southern Baptist, of course. Then my parents went to two different Episcopal churches during which time I went to Catholic elementary school so I've been provided with many different aspects of the different denominations of the Christian religion.

B-You think that's why you left it?

M-No, I don't think so. It did get complicated when I couldn't take communion at school when we had Mass every Friday morning and yet I did at church. That conflicted me even then. I didn't quite get that one. I went to Catholic school from Kindergarten through fourth grade, then I went to public school. I went to two different elementary schools, two different junior highs, two different high schools and two different colleges.

B-What did all of this religious and educational background teach you about sex?

M-Well...that's always been a conflict. With the Christian viewpoint, it's looked down on for women and it's overlooked for men. It's that double standard which I've never understood and never felt was right! Me, personally, I feel like whatever is right for someone is right for that person and that should be accepted. While people may or may not agree with it, a person's individual choices should be respected. With me, I've always been very passionate and my sexuality is a big part of who I am.

B-How did you first learn about sex?

M-From books! Romance books! I don't really remember my mother having "The Talk" with me ever but the very first book that I read...well, it wasn't the first romance but it was the first that taught me about sex. "Enslaved" by Virginia Henley.

B-When was this?

M-I was sixteen. I think I was sixteen. Sixteen, seventeen? The first time I read romances I was sixteen but that was the one I was like "Oh my gosh!". That was the first really hot book I read and it taught me a lot!

B-When did you get your first period?

M- I was about eleven.

B-Did you know what it was? Did your mom tell you to expect it at least?

M-Yeah...I think so. I remember I was at my godmother's house. She's like a second mother to me and that's just easier because she's my little brother's godmother but not mine. Did I tell you about the Christian religion being complicated? Yeah, because we went to a Methodist church, I didn't get godparents but because we went to an Episcopal Church when my brother was born, he got godparents. Yeah. That worked out great. Anyway, I think she did tell me but I do remember I was over there. In the beginning, it wasn't painful. Nothing like the movie, "Carrie." It happened there, then I went home and we talked about it. That was melodramatic at first.

B-Do you masturbate?

M-...Yes.

B-How old were you when you discovered masturbation?

M-I think...nineteen. Last year. I don't remember exactly when.

B-How do you do it? Do you use any toys or...?

M- No. I don't really. I...

B-Describe a typical experience.

M-Just...it's me, feeling like I want sex and there's not any one particular guy. Just me, wanting to be fulfilled...in that manner. And I think that's all right.

B-What do you think about while you're playing with yourself?

M-Different scenarios. A guy, doing what I'm doing and more.

B- Okay, tell me about the first time you kissed a guy.

M-Awwww. Well, I was eight. Started young. (laughs). It wasn't anything all that big but it was memorable. His name was William and he was four years older than me. He was twelve and I was eight. I guess I've always had a thing for older men.

B- (laughs) Older men!

M- Yeah. I remember it was nice and I really liked it. It wasn't anything all that big or special. It was nice. Another big thing that I do remember with it was my mother's reaction. Because, me, I was young and I felt "This is a really good thing." I was excited and...you know, your first kiss! It should be special and it should be really a good thing.

B-Did you tell her?

M-Yes, I did and her response was "Do not let a boy do that to you. That's bad!" So then I'm, like, so totally conflicted because I'm going "Wait a minute. What's bad about that? That was nice." There wasn't any bad feelings involved, no force or pressure. No pressure at all! It was just her views and my views and I think it should be more openly discussed, especially when women are young.

B-How young do you think it should be discussed with them?

M-Well...when they're ready to discuss it.

B-Did you know you were ready to discuss it before it happened or did you not even think about it really until it did?

M-I guess I didn't think about it much.

B-The parents wouldn't necessarily know when the right time would be because they wouldn't know when the child was ready.

M-But if a child brings it up, a parent shouldn't shut it down.

B-Okay, then, we agree. Tell me about your first sexual experience of any kind, not going all the way.

M-Well...let's see...ummm...When I was in Junior High...Junior High was a lot of fun and I kind of went through guys there but it wasn't serious dating or anything. It was just: you call me on the phone, we talk exclusively. That kind of thing. And, you know, it's not like you don't talk to other girls, it's just, you don't talk to them about going to see movies or something. At that point, in Junior High, you can't drive so...There was kissing involved but that was about it. But then High School. High School was different. I didn't care for High School but the guys...I didn't go through guys as much. There was one guy my sophomore year that I was interested in. We may have kissed or we may not have kissed. I'm not even sure.

B- (laughs) It really hasn't been that long ago, you realize?

M-It feels like it. So much has changed and I've changed so much. I'm pretty sure it was Graham. We'll go with that one, okay?

B-Well, what was it?

M-I don't know! He was the first guy I ever had sex with. There was a lot of chemistry there but that was it. He was the first of many I felt that with. I've learned that I've always had a tendency to kind of let my passions rule but with him, I went the whole way. It happened on a Monday but it had almost happened on a Friday...or Saturday. Could have been both times.

B-Whose decision was it?

M-Mine!(laughter) 

B-Did you like it?

M-I did... and I didn't.

B-Was it painful?

M-Yes. It hurt like hell! He was my first and I was his first. He really didn't know what he was doing and while I wanted it and felt that desire and so totally emotionally and mentally ready, hormones included, I wasn't really all that wet. He didn't know anything about that so I'm not holding it against him.

B-It was that whole foreplay thing. Always helps with the wetness but guys never understand that.

M-Yeah...well, there was some but (giggles)...I greeted him with a robe on. What'd you expect? I was ready! I decided to seduce him so I did. I wanted sex! I wanted the kind you get in romance novels but I didn't get it. At least not the first time around. I feel like I have had that since.

B-Did you have an orgasm that first time?

M- Nooooo...

B-Do you have orgasms at all?

M-(sighs) Came really, really close a couple of times with a couple of different guys but not quite so...I know it's possible 'cause I got really close. Just...no.

B-Besides erotic fiction, what kinds of things turn you on?

M- I hate porn movies! They make me never want to have sex again!

B- I said, "on", not "off".

M- Mmmm...Jasmine!

B- (laughter) I get it but just for a second I thought you meant "jazz men"! You know, sax players!

M- (laughter) No, dumb-ass! The scent! Lotions and perfumes. Oh my gosh, if I'm massaged with that, it's all over! That and...I like wine...What else...?

B-Do you like your neck nibbled?

M-Very much!

B-Do you like to have your breasts touched?

M-Yes and they are very sensitive. It's like it gets to a point where my whole body is sensitive. There was one time where it felt like my whole entire body was on fire. Every nerve in my body was just totally sensitive. I think that's only happened once.

B-In your own head, when you're just thinking about your body, what do you call your private parts? You know, you call your elbow an elbow, you call your knees your knees. How do you think of your sex?

M-I don't know. It goes back to that whole upbringing thing. It's just bizarre. I mean, now I'm coming to terms with it. You know, it actually having terms and stuff...but it was just "down there" and you don't touch "down there." It's not how I think of it now I guess but there are still so many things ingrained in me. It's a vagina.

B-Do you shave it?

M-Yes! I can say that proudly now. The first time I did ever was when I was eighteen. My boyfriend brought it up. At first, I'd never heard of anybody doing that and my mother's never been the type of person I could talk to about sex. I think she thinks that I have had it but she doesn't really want to know. It's that kind of relationship.

B- "Don't ask. Don't tell."

M- Exactly! Which really sucks for me 'cause I don't have a mother that I can go to and say, "Hey, is this normal?" She lives in denial. But back to the shaving question, I didn't feel like it was normal and could be accepted but, at the same time, I was intrigued. I was curious as to what it would feel like. Oh my gosh, I remember the first times (laughs). It took me awhile to get used to it. I remember at first I felt horny all the time. It was "Okay! Ready now! Let's go!" It was just bizarre because...all that hair there and then it wasn't.

B- So everything just rubs directly against it?

M-Uh-huh! (laughs) There's just sooo much more sensitivity and awareness. Then, after we broke up, I didn't do that anymore.

B-Why? Because it reminded you of him?

M-Partially. But partially I only felt that it was okay because of him. It was like I did it for him. That was also during the time I still held the Christian views. At that point, I didn't know there was anything else out there so I didn't feel like it was accepted in the religious views I was brought up with. That wasn't "okay." Like I said, that was "down there." But now, I do shave again. I started three months ago. I've just decided that this is me and this is who I am and this is what I want so the guy better like it or, "Oh, well!"

B- Do you like your smell?

M-I don't have a problem with it. To me, it doesn't seem to be particularly strong or overwhelming or like it's all that noticeable.

B- Do you like your body?

M- Yes.

B-Have you always?

M- No. There was a time I was in seventh grade and I was considered anorexic. It wasn't that I had a bad body image. It really wasn't. It wasn't that I was purposely going "Well, I don't want to eat today." I would get home from school and eat dinner but that would be it. No breakfast, no lunch and there would probably be times I may not have eaten after school. It kind of depended how the day went. At that point, my life, my family, my home life I felt was a mess. The year before when I was in sixth grade, I almost ran away from home. So that was still not fixed. My grades were not good and that also reflected in my family life because my parents were not happy if my grades weren't good. So I didn't feel like I had any control over what was happening in my life except when it came to what I ate. That was the one aspect of my life I could control and that was why.

B-Do you like yourself in general?

M- Yes.

B-Do you love yourself?

M-I want to say "yes" but, in fact, it's getting closer and closer every day. 

B- Okay. How do you define "having sex?"

M- Well...I don't count masturbation. I mean...I know it probably is counted by some people but..., no, when you're with someone...because there's oral sex and anal sex and then there's the general sex. You know, the usual type.

B- The Clinton definition again. If it's not intercourse, it's not really sex. Is that your final answer?

M-(laughs) I try to stay out of politics but, okay. That works.

B- Then here's the big question. By your definition, how many guys have you had sex with?

M-Five! I've kept track. It may come to a point where I'm no longer able to do that but...

B- Have you ever worried about your reputation?

M- No, I don't but I did when I slept with Graham. Oh, that's right! There was almost another guy and I worried about it with him, too. It came really close. The only thing that kept me from going though with it was that I hadn't shaved my legs. Tell all the women out there that if you don't want to have sex, don't shave your legs. If you don't shave your legs, you will just not be able to go though with it!

B-How would you define the term, "slut?'

M-You know...that's complicated. I guess since my views have changed that outlook has changed. At this point, I'm not really sure what I would consider...because I don't really want to consider women...I definitely do not consider...It depends upon...

B-You know, some people use full sentences.

M- Sorry. I just had so many thoughts. That word is such a touchy word. It's like the "B" word I won't use. It's gotten up there to where, with a woman's reputation, depending on who she is, what type of status she has in her career, that varies the importance as to what other people think and as to what type of control these people have over the other woman's life. I just don't think the "slut" word should ever be used. 

B- Talk about this unique concept you have of just actually sleeping with some guys.

M- I love just sleeping with guys. I have slept with one...two...three...four guys who I didn't have sex with. We slept all night together in the same bed , back to chest, chest to chest...

B-How did you even broach this concept to the guys because it really is a little odd?

M-Yeah. Well...the first...Oh, maybe I missed a guy. Oh, shoot! I think there were five. Well, the first night I spent the night at Jerry's we just slept together. He was the first guy I ever just slept with and that came about because we came really close-like down to underwear close-to having sex only he didn't have a condom and neither did I. So we spent the night together and just slept together. I slept in one of his t-shirts and that was sweet. I liked that. He was totally comfortable with it. 

B- See, I can understand that one. It grew out of circumstance. How did you broach it with others?

M-Well, then there was Gene. It was agreed. We were at his place watching a movie and the question was brought up. Do you want me to stay or do you want me to go? Either he said, "stay" or it was up to me and I decided to stay. He didn't want to have sex and I didn't either. Well, we both wanted to but we didn't think it was the right time 'cause we were just dating and getting to know each other so we just slept together. Then there was the guy...yeah, there were a couple of times things got heated and we didn't have a condom but one of us decided we were going to spend the night with each other. Then there was Tim. Things did get heated and it was nice. We just kind of fooled around. Dammit! I didn't shave my legs with him either! Fuck! That was the only reason I didn't have sex with him. I kept trying to but I just didn't have the time. I was working. If I had just shaved my legs, I'd have had another memory with him. Oh, fuck!

B-Have you ever had sex while drinking?

M- No...No...Yes! Had to go through the list there. (laughs) It was with Jeff. With Jeff, it was just lust. It was good, but it was just lust. If I happened to run into him and he didn't have a girlfriend and I didn't have a boyfriend, it would be like, "Hey! Shut up and kiss me!" He was having a party at his house with his buddies. It was after midnight when I got there but he had saved some alcohol for me. He had asked me previously what I'd like. My mother even knew I was going and I told her I'd probably be drinking so I wouldn't be home that night. It was Smirnoff Ice and Bacardi, a mix of the two. I was NOT drunk! I've been giddy before, so I know the feelings. He was being cute and charming. I wanted him and he wanted me. The alcohol didn't really have much to do with it.

B- All right, now it's time for the fun questions.

M-Oh, you mean those weren't?

B- Do you consider yourself to be kinky?

M-In some ways, yes. Well...yes. I don't know! I like erotic fiction about that...

B- Well, let's find out how kinky you really are. First, do you like sex rough or gentle?

M-A little bit of both.

B- How many handjobs have you given?

M-Hmmm. The second guy I ever had sex with...he didn't like 'em. No, he liked handjobs, just not blowjobs 'cause he had had a bad experience with a blowjob. Some girl...her teeth or something...anyway...Vic didn't particularly like them. Graham was the first guy I did 'em with. He liked handjobs. Hey, I'm pretty good at handjobs! Jerry was just a one night stand kind of thing. Can we go through the list? This is getting complicated. The first guy I ever had sex with was Graham. We talked about him already. That was when I was seventeen. We were together about six months. There was my boyfriend, Vic. We were together about eight months, I think. I started to not keep track 'cause it got really, really bad in the end. That was when I was eighteen. Then, when I was nineteen, there was Jerry. He was the first time I had a one night stand, no relationship, commitment-free type deal.




The Interview Project Pt. 03



B-I remember Dru set you up with Jerry and she described you two as "doing the dirty monkey dance." I always remember that.

M-(laughs) All righty then! If that's what she wants to call it. That is kind of like what it was. There was a lot there chemistry-wise, but as far as a relationship, not really, I guess. That's all it was-just a one night stand. We talked afterwards and everything but...Okay, well, then there was Jeff. We had sex twice. He was like a one-night stand that happened twice. We talked about the first time. The second time, he invited me, we started to watch ARMAGEDDON. This is another one of those movies that I've never seen all of the movie. GONE IN 60 SECONDS, SLEEPY HOLLOW, BLESS THE CHILD and MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING-those are all movies I never made it through 'cause I watched them with guys. We started watching that but I started kissing him and he started doing these little...just like rubbing my arm or my back and that was nice. He said, "You started it so you finish it." So I did! (laughs) We had sex that night. We started out on the couch but ended up on the floor. It was good. We were going at it for awhile but then, in the aftermath of it, when we were still kind of entangled and both still naked, his roommate walks into the house and we were right there in the living room! (laughter) Totally embarrassed! That was one of those embarrassing sex moments. His roommate walks in; it was, like, "Oh. Ha, ha. ...Uh, hi! Could you hand me a blanket?" Oh, yeah. That reminds me. I also had a booty call! See, I met Jeff in college. We had the same class together but he wasn't paying much attention to me so I would dress to attract his attention.

B-Actually, as I recall, you ripped the side of your skirt so high it nearly fell off.

M- (laughs) I didn't do that on purpose! Not the first couple of times.

B- But eventually.

M-Well...yeah, because it helped a little. The problem is, it didn't stop ripping. See! It wanted to be ripped! But it wasn't working anyway. I wanted to have sex again so Drusilla gave me some advice and I took her advice. I went up to him between classes and I said to him very plainly, "I wanna fuck!" He was kind of taken aback and said, "All right, then, I'll see what I can do about that." (laughter) Then a couple of days went by and I was feeling better. You know, like you feel when you know you're gonna get laid and you're really looking forward to it. I bought lingerie and everything but then, that night, I met Gene. Gene and I went out and had coffee and it was neat. Oh my gosh, it was great. But then, I got home and turned on my cell phone and Jeff had called. He was drunk and he said, "Hey. Guess what? I wanna fuck! You've got tonight to be here." I'm like, "Give me a break. I don't think so, honey. You can do better than this. I know you can." Yeah, that was my booty call that I did not answer.

B- Not counting that guy that walked in on you, have you ever been with two or more guys at once?

M-Noooo...

B-Would you like to try that?

M- That's...interesting. I don't know. I would have to consider that if and when the opportunity arose.

B- How about women? Have you ever been with a woman or would you like to be?

M- No and I don't think so.

B-Have you ever been filmed or photographed having sex...that you know of?

M- (laughs) No, but it's...not a bad idea.

B- How are you on bondage? Have you ever been tied up or would you like to be?

M- Have not been yet but would like to be.

B- Under what circumstances would you see that happening?

M-With a guy that I really trusted and felt comfortable with. Not just with him but with he and I in that particular type of situation.

B- Have you tried anal sex?

M- Now are you talking about actual anal sex or doggie style?

B- Actual anal sex.

M- No and I don't think I'd like it.

B- Do you like having your ass played with at all?

M- Have not really before but I don't know about that one.

B- Do you like it when a guy goes down on you?

M-Yes, very much! I like the feelings, the sensations. It also depends on the guy, too. With Jerry, that was really, really good. Oh, Jeff did that, too. Jeff wasn't bad. Jeff was pretty good. You know, this is nice talking about guys. Not like rating them but it's like giving your opinions. Guys can do this about women but they're offended when we do it. It's that whole double standard thing again and that bothers me, too. But this is really nice. 

B-Thank you. Do you like to go down on guys?

M- I have before. I did with Graham, did not with Vic, did with...no, that one was an "almost" and "almosts" don't count. Let's see...no, not with him. Oh, yeah, I did with Jeff and Jeff was the last guy I did and that was good.

B -But overall, it sounds like it's not something you go out of your way to do, would you say that?

M-There have been times when I've wanted to and I did with Jeff. Kind of depends on the guy. 

B- Was it all the way to completion?

M- Yes!

B- Did you swallow?

M-...Is that a bad thing?

B-Are you kidding. Most guys will tell you it's the most erotic thing they can think of but an awful lot of women find it disgusting and dirty and just won't even consider doing it, no matter how much it turns on the man

.

M- Then, yes.

B-Did you like the taste?

M-I think I might have wanted a glass of water afterwards. I want a glass of water after ice cream, though.

B-Have you had a "69?"

M- No. Probably would've but I was on my period. I think it would be cool, though.

B- Do you enjoy sexy lingerie?

M-I absolutely love it! That's one of my favorite things! I can't wait to wear it again. Oh my gosh, yes! I love it.

B-I'll take that as a "yes." Do you talk dirty to guys?

M-I haven't but I think I would.

B-Do you like to have them talk dirty to you?

M-Yes.

B-Would you ever consider taking money for sex?

M- Depends. You see, this is such a complicated issue with me. Oh my gosh. I think that business should be respected.

B-I meant if you were not technically in that business.

M-Honey, no one's technically in that business.

B-If you were desperate for rent money, for example.

M-I might. It would...depend on several different factors. It would probably become a profession if I did, though, and I wouldn't be cheap. I'm worth a hell of a lot more than that.

B-Of all the different positions you've tried, what's your favorite?

M-Well, I've only done this once but it felt really, really good when we did it that way-what people refer to as "doggie-style." It was soooo different. It was...Mmmm!

B- You know that's actually the most natural position?

M- No! Bloody Hell! When did this happen? What the fuck?

B-Why do you think they call face-to-face the "missionary position?" It was when the Christian missionaries brought their beliefs to the natives in the islands and jungles. The natives were doing it doggie-style because it was the most natural way and it felt the best. The missionaries felt that only animals who were not "with God" should have sex without facing each other. Humans should be more "civilized" than that. So they taught the natives this new position and as Christianity became the most acceptable religion, that became the only allowable position among "good", God-fearing humans. Before that, men and women generally did NOT...

M_...have face-to-face. Oh my gosh! That is just bizarre!

B-Like I said, doggie-style is THE most natural position.

M- Well, no wonder we all like doing it that way. (laughs)

B- Tell me about something you've never tried but would like to try.

M- I feel like the being tied up or my hands being held. That's one thing but then I've always wondered about Ben-Wa Balls. I know I have some but I've never used them. I think I will, though. Maybe tonight when I get home from this. I first found out about them from a romance book and then I found some and I'm, like, "these things DO exist! Oh my gosh!"

B- What's something you'd never try, keeping in mind that most of what I referred to as kinky in the preceding questions is now considered more-or-less normal in most places? There's a hell of a lot of REALLY kinky stuff out there.

M-Yeah, I know. I don't think I would have any interest in being whipped. That just comes to mind from books I've read. No. I'll say that.

B-Name some of the more unusual places you've had sex.

M- In the bathtub, in the shower-the shower's really good! Wetter. In the car-in the front seat, in the backseat...

B-In the trunk.

M-Stop that! Yeah, that was with the first two guys I had sex with. After that, it kind of died off and got normal again. Go figure. Back seat was the first guy. Front seat was the first time I had sex with the second guy. That was the first time I'd had sex in a long time and that did hurt a little but other than that it felt better than the other one-a lot better than the other one.

B-Does size really matter?

M-It makes a difference but...Are you sure you really want to know this as a guy? It does. It makes a difference. Also, the guy makes a difference.

B-Have you ever had sex on a first date?

M-YES! (laughter)

B-How can you rationalize doing that these days?

M- (laughs) That's a really good question. My passions control me. I don't really control my passions.

B-Don't you worry about diseases?

M- Condoms. They are your friends.

B- Do you carry them with you?

M- Condoms or diseases? Yes, condoms. No, diseases. (laughs)

B-How many pregnancy tests have you taken?

M-Two.

B-Do you practice any birth control other than condoms?

M- Well, I'm off and on the Pill.

B- Off and on? That really doesn't help in the long run, does it?

M- No. It doesn't. (laughter) Which is why I always...TRY to use condoms!

B- How many times have you had unprotected sex?

M- It was with Vic. He's the only guy that I had unprotected sex with but he'd been tested. Haven't since and I don't intend to. The whole birth control thing? I feel as if I got pregnant and we had used...oh, shit! There was one other time that was unprotected. I just forgot it was unprotected. I didn't actually forget that I'd been with this guy 'cause he's up there at number one! Oh, shit! On the list of guys I had sex with, I can't believe I left him out! Dammit! I'm sorry. I feel like I should call and apologize to him now. He really was the best one. His name was Anthony. He was number five. Anthony was the one that was "doggie-style" as they refer to it.

B-You really don't have to keep qualifying that. It really is what it's called.

M- But it seems so bizarre! (laughs) As far as I'm concerned, he was number one. Well, he was number five but he was number one, y'know?

B- How do you relate sex to love?

M- Two totally different things that should interchange. Sex is sex and you can have sex with numerous people and not be in love. That's lust, which is a part of sex. But when you have sex with someone you love, it becomes part of love. That's when I would call it "making love." I view them as two different things that are interconnected.

B-Knowing what you know now, what might you have done differently in your sex life? 

M-Hmmmm...

B-Are you perfectly comfortable with who you are and how you got here?

M-Yeah, I am. I wouldn't change anything. I don't apologize for anything I've done and there's nothing I would change.

B-How will you tell your children about sex?

M- I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. It's a good question but it's at least ten years away. Maybe less than that. If they start asking when they're five...I'm twenty now and I'm not even pregnant yet. I feel like I could get pregnant at any point in time. I'm not planning on it but I feel like, if you get pregnant and you've used condoms and you're kind of on birth control...

B- Yeah, kind of.

M- (laughs)...it's meant to happen and that could happen at any given point in time.

B- Do you really like sex or do you just like the intimate aspects of it-the closeness with another person?

M- I like both. I like sex more all the time but I really do like...I think it's beginning to get more of an even balance whereas before I do think I preferred the intimacy with people. I have always loved sex. Even when I was first reading about sex, I loved sex! I like sex and I want to become one of those little old ladies who likes sex.

B-Why did you want to do this interview? As you know, I was against including you at first but you lobbied for it and, eventually, I gave in.

M-Because I wanted my thoughts and feelings regarding sex at this time in my life to be heard. As you know, with my family, it is not an okay thing. With me, it is an okay thing that should be okay for other young girls out there. They shouldn't feel like their sexuality is something to be suppressed. It should be welcomed and encouraged. At the same time say, "Hey, you gotta be safe about this and really think about this before you get into it." Hopefully, someone will read my experiences and go "Hey, I've had that kind of thing happen to me, too." Or , "Oh my gosh, someone else has!" and they'll know they are not alone and that how they are really is normal. Hey, I really have to go to the bathroom. Let's get going. 

B- Thank you, Meg.

M- You're welcome.

END PART THREE



The Interview Project Pt. 04



THE INTERVIEW PROJECT-PART 4: NATALIE

"I like to tease guys!"

The reaction to parts 1-3 of THE INTERVIEW PROJECT was quite gratifying. So much so that I knew I had to do at least one more round. All of the original girls wanted to do updates (and boy, did they have stuff to update!) but I opted to speak with three new girls this time. Natalie was another friend and former employee of mine. I hadn't seen her in several months when we met at the park for our interview. Her long brown hair had been styled much shorter and highlighted with a lighter shade. The effect made her seem more mature than her twenty years. She was coming off of a bad few days but was cheerful and chatty. It was really good to see her. Apparently the bees thought so, too, as they accosted us throughout our first conversation. We met again a couple weeks later to fill in some blanks. Meet Natalie.

B-Tell me about yourself. Who are you?

N- Oh, God. What do you want to know? I'm twenty. My parents are separated but that's a good thing. I'm gonna major…as soon as I can get to a Law School. I…I am me!

B- And who else would you be? What's your family background?

N- Well, we moved to the area I'm in now when I was five. My parents continued to argue. I don't know why they didn't get divorced sooner. I had a really bad relationship with both of them until I was about thirteen or fourteen, where…it's like finally my dad kind of knew how to deal with me. I had a bad relationship with my brother until about the same age and I had a bad relationship with my mom up until about a month ago.

B-So you'd describe it as a rough childhood?

N-Yeah. It was abusive.

B-What was your religious upbringing?

N-Nada. My dad was born in New York and was raised Jewish. My mom was born in Kentucky and raised Southern Baptist but those were both cases where the religion was forced on them until they rebelled against it. So I was raised with nothing…except by some friends who were Christian and dragged me to church. Baptist.

B-So what do you consider yourself?

N- Well, I am interested in Wicca but I think Wicca doesn't want me. I really like the male-female aspect of the Deity and I don't like how no other religion in the world seems to focus on that. There HAS to be a male-female aspect because there's males and females in the world and if we are the image of God then there have to be females, too. I also like how they accept the good and the evil side of everybody. Everybody is inherently both good and evil including the Wiccan Deity…or Deities. If you really think about it, so much of Wicca can be related to Christianity. I mean, a spell is just their way of praying and focusing energy. Anyway, I've always felt like it was more of a race than a religion but I always just considered myself part Jewish.

B-Well, where did sex fit into all this?

N-The subject was never touched upon. It actually didn't teach me anything. What I learned about sex was, um…when my parents, um…would be doing it and I could hear them from the hallway! It was kinda gross and so I like, probably had a better understanding of it than most people my age.

B-Did you really have a better understanding or were you just thoroughly confused?

N-Well…really, neither because I didn't think about it. I think on some level I really understood.

B-How did you actually learn about sex? 

N- I don't know. Barbies?

B- Anatomically correct Barbies? (Laughs) I mean, did they teach it in school?

N- Well, yeah but that wasn't until Junior High.

B-How old were you when you got your first period?

N- I was almost sixteen.

B-Really?

N-Yeah.

B-Were you worried about not having started yet?

N-Yeah. My mom took me to the doctor and the doctor said they didn't worry about it until you were eighteen and didn't have it.

B-I've never heard of a normal, healthy person not hitting puberty by eighteen.

N-It happens. If you've got an eating disorder, it'll keep you from getting it. If you're way underweight.

B- Were you?

N-No. I don't think.

B-So it was just the luck of the draw in your case then that you didn't get it earlier?

N-Yeah. It sucked. I was made fun of for being flat. I was still kind of producing the right hormones 'cause I was done growing before I hit puberty. I was, like, five two and a half and I don't think I've grown since then.

B- Do you masturbate?

N-Yeah.

B-Tell me about a typical experience.

N-Of masturbation?

B-Yeah. I mean do you use a vibrator or…

N-Oh no. No. 'Cause it kind of numbs the area. A typical experience lately is that it really does not take a long time. It could take about 45 minutes back when I was younger and that would really piss me off but I was too stubborn to stop, so…

B-Do you do it because it feels good or do you do it to relax yourself?

N-Well, let's say I do it when I need to relax a certain area. (Laughs)

B-Okay, let's talk about your first kiss.

N-Well…It sucked. I was with this guy who, like, really didn't like me and I don't think he was even attracted to me but he was jealous of me and he thought that he could hurt me most by going out with me and then dumping me. He emotionally abused me…severely! I didn't even realize it. I had no idea what was going on. It took lots of thinking about it to figure out what he did. 

B-That's so sad.

N-Yeah.

B-Tell me about your first sexual experience of any kind.

N-Well, it was with my second boyfriend. I was still getting over the first one and this second guy seemed to be a good idea at the time and actually helped. We were actually outside on my king-size trampoline and we had just gotten out of the pool so we were wearing bathing suits and we had towels and he was, y'know, just fingering me through the bathing suit.

B-So when did you first go all the way?

N-With this second guy. We were in the basement because that's where his bedroom was. His dad and his younger sister were both upstairs.(laughs) We had a condom and basically he asked if I wanted to do it but that was before we started 

doing anything so I didn't want to and then we started doing stuff and that, of course, will, uh, lower your inhibition if you're…well…yeah. 

B-Did you like it?

N-Yeah! No orgasm.

B-Do you have orgasms?

N-When I have sex only if I, uh…you know…kind of masturbate at the same time. I feel lucky that I figured out I could do that. 

B-I got news for you. That's the way most women do it and it wasn't really until the 1970's even that it became widely known, even among women. You're rarely going to get an orgasm just from penetration or intercourse alone.

N-Well, I've heard that the younger you are, the harder it is and as you get toward your mid-twenties it gets easier 'cause you're maybe loosened up a bit. For the first time, you have to be on top, you have to be angled the right way and you have to really be concentrating. And you have to realize it's gonna take awhile.

B-(laughs) Ooookay. That's one I've never heard before. What kinds of things turn you on?

N- Umm…Like, sex scenes and kissing scenes on TV and stuff. Those parts in romance novels used to but I've discovered I'm a lot more visual than most women. 

B-Do you like to watch porn, then?

N- Well…yeah. Yes and no. Depends on if it's good and if the people in it don't look completely skanky and it doesn't look completely fake.

B- Do you like to read erotica?

N- I used to but then I broke up with my last boyfriend and it all seems so incredibly unrealistic and contrived and that's why romance novels don't turn me on anymore.

B-Ah, then you need to read more of MY stories. They're incredibly unrealistic and contrived, too, but nonetheless…(laughs) Anyway, do you like to have your neck nibbled?

N- Yeah.

B-Do you like a guy to play with your breasts?

N- Ehhh. Depends on if they do it right.

B-Meaning?

N-Guys my age…or the guys I've been dating…are stupid. They like breasts and playing with breasts gives them pleasure and so they forget that it's supposed to give the woman pleasure, also and they just go at it for their own pleasure and do not focus on the woman. They can be a little too rough or just completely insensitive. Ick!

B-Do you talk dirty during sex?

N- Hate it! Absolutely hate it! It's such a turn-off. I will not do it and when a guy does it I just…"Oh, God!"

I'd just like be laying there thinking "Shut up and get on with it!"

B- Okay. In your own head, then, what name do you call your private parts?

N- Just…the normal layman's term: crotch. Yeah. That's what it is. That's it. That covers everything down there.

B- Do you shave it?

N- A little. I just shave the key area.

B- Do you like the way it smells?

N-You get used to it. Doesn't smell like fish. That's the cliché for women that aren't clean.

B- Are you comfortable with your own body? 

N- Yeah.

B- How would you define the word "slut?"

N- Someone who…basically has no respect for themselves and has sex just because they think their worth is based on how many men want them.

B- Where do you stand on alcohol and drugs?

N-Well, uh…pot I have no problem with. I've only ever had a contact buzz 'cause I'll hang out when other people are smoking it. And I obviously have no problem with alcohol because both my mom and brother are bartenders. The past couple nights, I've been kind of pissed so I've gotten out my brother's bartending book and made my own drinks.

B- What is your definition, and this is an important question, of the term "having sex?"

N- Well…ummm… my definition of having sex was always just actually having intercourse but now I'm starting to find out that apparently having sex is just about…well, it's oral sex and intercourse and all sorts of other stuff like that.

B-President Clinton's to blame for the way most young people seem to define sex these days. He said he "did not have sex with that woman" yet he was getting regular blowjobs from her and that whole cigar business…

N- But I don't consider that sex. 

B- Apparently neither do most people now which brings us to how many guys have you had sex with by your definition?

N- Two.

B-Would you consider yourself to be kinky at all?

N- I would say naughty but not kinky. I'm naughty because I sort of like to take charge occasionally but I'm not into…Well, I guess I do kind of like to tie them up but I'm not really into whips and chains and stuff. Stuff that's kind of weird like S & M. Now that's kinky.

B- Do you prefer sex to be rough or gentle? 

N-I kinda prefer rough but it kinda has to be gentle or else…like…it'll hurt the next time.

B- You've had a lot of problems with that, haven't you? Sex hurting.

N-Yeah. I'm still not sure its better not having had sex in, like, six months. My last boyfriend, when we first started having sex, we would do it like four times a day, rough, and not spread out either. Four times right there in one hour.

B-That's impressive as hell about him!

N- Yeah, well, he was the one who could have multiple orgasms, not me. It's not right! It's like if he just kept going, he just didn't get soft! I didn't really realize I was probably hurting myself so we just kept doing it. I realized that it wasn't getting better and that if I went awhile without having sex, then the next time it would hurt worse, which I totally don't understand. If something's scraped raw, you'd think time should make it better. It also might have been that he just wasn't turning me on enough. He wasn't catering to my needs enough so I just might not have been aroused enough or wet enough. I know some of the time that was definitely the problem.

B-How about handjobs? Guys love handjobs. How many have you given?

N- I have no frickin'idea! I've given them to two different guys. I was with the one for eight and a half months and the other even longer so…there were plenty. Probably around a hundred. Fifty to a hundred.

B-If you were involved in a threesome, would you want it to be with two men or with you as one of two women?

N- Two men.

B- Have you ever been with a woman?

N- Yes.

B- Talk about that.

N- Well, it was basically for experimentation because I was so sick of guys I was kinda hoping maybe I could turn to girls. So there was this girl, a lesbian named Kristine, that had a crush on me so I figured I'd give it a try but it made me realize I was not a lesbian because there was no emotional connection so it really, really wasn't as good. 

B- Did you initiate the encounter or did she come to you?

N- Sort of mutual. We kind of went to each other. 

B- What exactly did you do with her?

N-We did have sex.

B-In what way?

N- Um…Well, There was an orgasm involved.

B- For both of you?

N- Well, no. Just me because Kristine , I think, has control issues and she does not allow herself to have one. She says that with both her girlfriends, she's come really, really close but then she just couldn't allow herself to have one. 

B-Did you go down on her?

N- No. She didn't want me to because she hadn't shaved or done any maintenance or anything.

B- So what would you say you got out of the experience?

N- I got an orgasm! (Laughs) I really like oral sex when it's done right and I have a feeling she probably could've done it right. I mean, I really wanted her to go down on me and I think I could've really gotten into it if she had done that but, for some reason, she didn't and I never really thought to tell her. I kind of wish that had happened but I'm kind of glad I didn't go down on her 'cause I'm not sure I'd have liked it that much. I know I don't like the smell so I probably wouldn't have liked the taste.

B-How do you think she felt about it all? Did she enjoy you?

N- Yeah, she enjoyed it more than I did 'cause she's an actual

lesbian and I, apparently, am not. 

B-That doesn't necessarily mean that she enjoyed it. I mean, if you weren't able to get into it…

N-Well, I did still get into it! Just not to the extent that I would've if she'd been a guy.

B- Are you and Kristine still friends?

N- She's going to college in another town now so we're not really in touch but one of the Advisors has her email address and I want to get it from her and email her.

B-Okay, moving on, have you ever been tied up or would you like to be?

N- I have but I prefer to do the tying. (Laughs) It's just more fun. I like to be in control.

B- So you were in complete and total control and this guy was completely tied up?

N- Yeah!

B-So what did you do?

N- Just basically teased him and there was nothing he could do about it. "Cause if his hands were tied up and I'm teasing him , he couldn't make me stop or really make me do anything. Which is fine, 'cause I like to tease guys!

B-You don't like tickling but…

N- Yeah, I like to DO the tickling!

B- Oh, boy. Have you ever had anal sex?

N-No. I tried it and it was really, really painful.

B-You…attempted it and it didn't work?

N- Yeah.

B-Do you like it when a guy goes down on you?

N-Yeah.

B-What do you like about it?

N-Well…hmmm… 

B-Do you like the fact that at that point they are catering specifically to your needs?

N- Uh, I never felt like they were catering to my needs because it always seemed to be a need for them.

B-Really?

N- Yeah. They need to do it 'cause they like the taste. They like to pleasure their women but they really like the taste. Most guys just seem to really like going down on women and they seem to need to do it for themselves.

B-I swear, all I've ever heard is the opposite. Traditionally, women could not get men to go down on them at all! 

N-The guys I've been with…they really liked it and my last boyfriend really, ummm…He said he'd been wanting to do it for awhile because he wanted to prove to himself that he didn't suck at it 'cause his last girlfriend didn't like it.

B-I thought him sucking at it was the whole point.

N-(Laughs) You know what I mean. He said the reason why he couldn't do very well with her was that she was dirty and smelly.

B-Do you like going down on a guy?

N-Umm-Hmmm. I don't really like the taste usually but it's that whole…liking to give pleasure thing. 

B- Do you keep eye contact while you're sucking them?

N- Their eyes are closed usually. They really like it. General consensus is I'm good at it!

I like to be in control but I'd like to have a man that could control me, too. You know, one that's actually man enough for me. But I haven't met one yet.

B- Do you swallow?

N- No. I can't seem to make them come when I do it. I can't coordinate the mouth and the hand.

B-Have you had a "69?"

N-Unless my definition is wrong, then, yeah.

B-What's your definition?

N-That's where you're kind of, like, going down on each other, right? Yeah. He was too distracted to do anything! I could concentrate and I could do a good job and still concentrate on what he was doing. He couldn't.

B-What's your favorite sex position?

N-I guess missionary. It's sort of a toss-up between man on top and woman on top. Like, when I'm on top it just feels better and if he's on top…I don't know. Part of me would like to be kind of dominated but not too much. To a normal extent. So that was a little more like I was being dominated but…not really 'cause I've dated a bunch of pussies.

B-What's your least favorite?

N-Doggie-style. Penetration's a little too deep.

B-That's why most women like it.

N-Well, Neal's kind of had some curvature so it must have been hitting that spot where…it's a toss-up as to whether it would feel good or not.

B-Would you ever take money for sex?

N-Maybe if I was really desperate…and, maybe if I knew the guy and he was just willing to help. I don't know. Probably not. It would have to be really special circumstances.

B-What's something you've never tried but would like to?

N-I kind of wanted to incorporate whipped cream but he doesn't like whipped cream. I'm like, what is wrong with whipped cream? What is wrong with you?

B-Chocolate?

N-Well, we would use chocolate sometimes. A little too sticky. There's just something about whipped cream.

B-What about something you'd never try?

N-Whips and chains, an orgy…

B-Why not the orgy?

N-Too many people. It's supposed to be an intimate loving act. You can't be intimate and loving with that many people…especially at once.

B-Tell me about your most embarrassing sexual moment.

N- (Laughs) I never did anything embarrassing.

B-Does size matter?

N-Width, probably…and length to a certain extent. It's gotta match up to your length because vaginas come in different lengths, too. So, to a certain extent, depending on your size and your preference.

B-Where are some of the more unusual places you've had sex?

N-I haven't had enough experience to really do it in any unusual places. The first couple times we did it at my house, we were really afraid of getting caught and we'd do it in the garage or, like, in my car in the driveway.

B-Would you ever have sex on a first date?

N-No! Unless it was a guy I had known for awhile maybe and had known him long enough to know I trusted him. Not with a stranger!

B-What do you do about birth control?

N-I use Depo-Provera, the intramuscular shot.

B- Do you worry about diseases?

N-Well, both of the guys I've had sex with were virgins so not right now, no.

B-How do you relate sex to love?

N-Well, if you have sex, it doesn't equal love 'cause you're not going to have sex and then fall in love. If you have sex before the guy's in love with you, then he's just gonna look at you as a sexual object and he's not gonna love you. It's supposed to be an act of love. If you're in love, it's supposed to bring you closer. The person has to be special to you or else it's just not gonna be as good!




The Interview Project Pt. 04



B-Wouldn't the purely physical sensations be just as good?

N- No! If I'm not feeling the emotions, then the physical aspect would be lessened!

B-Is there anything you wish you hadn't done?

N-No. Even though both of my boyfriends I had sex with, like, sucked, I was ready and I was sick of being a virgin so I just don't care that they were wrong for me.

B-Do you really like sex?

N-Yeah. When it's with the right guy and everything .

B-How will you tell your kids about sex?

N-I don't plan on having kids but if I do, I hope that I would be a good enough mother that they would come to me about it when they're ready. Around the time they're starting puberty.

B-Finally, what's the single hottest thing you've ever done?

N-Hmmmm…. (Laughs) Probably this interview!

END



The Interview Project Pt. 05



B-Let's start with the basics. Tell me who you are. What's your family background?

L- Well my mother and father are still together which is very odd nowadays. I have an older sister and a younger brother so I was the middle child.

B-What's your religious background?

L-I was baptized Catholic. I went to church all the time I was growing up until I reached about fifteen. When I was in college, I started going again until I sat through a sermon about how all women should be submissive to their husbands and I haven't been back since.

B- Not a real submissive, eh?

L- (Laughs) No...no.

B- How did you first learn about sex?

L-Actually, my mother told me about it.

B-You mean in the traditional way that most people never actually get?

L-Yeah, pretty much.

B-That is so cool!

L-I believe I was eight or nine at the time and my older sister was asking questions about it for some odd reason so my mom sat us all down and she talked about it and was pretty straightforward about it. Then she answered any questions we had about it. So I ended up being the kid that told everybody else what sex was!

B-Around what age did you go through puberty?

L-Well, I got my breasts when I was about eleven or twelve. In a six month period, I went from a double A to a C cup. I didn't really start growing hair in interesting places until I was thirteen and I started my period a month before my fourteenth birthday.

B-Do you masturbate?

L-Um-Hm!

B-When did you discover that?

L-Well, my mother told me about that, too.

B- She actually told you...?

L-Yeah. She was very straightforward. Very open. It...It's kind of lonely, though. It's not something I do on any regular basis or anything like that. I didn't really start until I was, like, in college or whatever.

B-What do you think about while you're doing it?

L-Ummm...just the perfect man or the perfect situation. Not necessarily perfect but...whatever turns me on at the time.

B-Do you do it more for relaxation?

L-Yes. Yes. With not going out with a guy or not having a sexual partner or anything like that, it just builds up, builds up, builds up. It's just a release from that. It's not really comfort or anything like that but...just a release from the tension. It's calming.

B-Do you use a vibrator?

L- No.

B-Hmmm. I'm really starting to wonder who buys those things. Do you have orgasms?

L-I have minor orgasms.

B-What kinds of things turn you on?

L-It depends on what time of the month it is.

B-Why is that?

L-Well, it's like two weeks after my period...

B-When you're ovulating!

L-Yes! I finally figured that out! When I'm ovulating until my period starts! So for that week and a half or so after my period, I'm good. I tell my friends I'm "in heat." Anything about a guy will turn me on. I like guys legs, like soccer players, ice skaters, swimmers. Oh, there was a recent turn on that surprised me. I was watching THE MAN SHOW and the host that also does FEAR FACTOR, he had on this short-sleeved shirt and you could see his arms and he had these really, really well defined arms. The whole entire episode all I watched was that man's arms! And that really surprised me 'cause I've always thought of myself as a leg person. 

B-Well, apparently you're branching out. Do you like to read erotica?

L- Sometimes. 

B- Tell me about the hottest thing you ever read.

L- Well, it's not really about "hot." If I can read something and it puts a picture in my head I'm impressed by it but it's not necessarily something to read to turn me on. Does that make sense?

B- Yes, it does. You appreciate hot stories that are well written but they don't necessarily get YOU hot. 

L-Yeah.

B- Do you watch porn?

L- I appreciate porn for its entertainment value. I think it's incredibly entertaining. I like the fact that they try to put in plots and storylines. That, I think...trying to tie it together from start to finish is entertaining to me. So...not necessarily the sex parts. You can fast-forward a little bit through that. 

B- (Laughs)

L- Just the fact that they're trying so hard to put it together and tie it together is funny to me. I don't really watch it that much but when I do watch it, it's for that. I try to see the attempt of trying to explain that all of these people are having sex with each and everybody in different ways. How do they tie that together? Does the pizza boy show up? Does the deliveryman show up? Intimacy is definitely NOT a part of porn flicks.

B- Didn't you tell me once about you and your sister finding your dad's secret stash of porn tapes?

L- Yes! We were still in school. It was my sister, myself, my brother and a friend of mine. We found them, put them in and that's what we did. We laughed like crazy. Actually, I wasn't really paying attention to what my brother did because guys have a different way of looking at these kinds of things. We laughed and we thought we were being really sneaky and really naughty about it. 

B-Let's move on to your first kiss.

L-Let's see. I was thirteen and visiting some friends out of town. Her brother invited over some friends and we all paired off. I remember he was my first tongue-kisser so I was kissed and tongue-kissed at the same time! (Laughs) He was eating pretzels and that's what I remember, that he tasted like pretzels.

B- (Laughs) What about your first sexual experience of any kind?

L-Well...I had a guy suck on my toes, once! I was visiting my friends recently...well, not recently now, I guess it was about a year and a half ago. I went up to Maryland to visit one of my friends from high school. We went out to a bar and I ran into someone I went to school with-I didn't really know him but, you know, we'd see each other in the hallway. I...took him home with me, we made out some, I took off my shirt...that sort of thing ... and he really wanted me to take off my pants but I'm like, "I more or less just met you. I'm sorry, I'm not that type of person." Sooo....to punish me, so to speak, he sucked on my toes and...I got there!! Surprised the hell out of me!

B- (Laughs) You mentioned that you took off your shirt. Do you like to have your breasts touched?

L- Not really. They're not that sensitive. I hate them so much because they're so large. It's weight to carry around. They're annoying and always in the way. I just...I think I don't let myself be sensitive there. 

B-Interesting. What name do you call your private parts?

L- Okay, well, anything that's covered by your bathing suit.

B- (Laughs) No, no, no. In your own head, how do you think of your private parts. I mean, like, your elbow is your elbow, your nose is your nose...y'know?

L-Oh, no! I call 'em what they are. There's no reason to call 'em any other name than what they are.

B-Okay...is there an answer in there somewhere that I just missed?

L-Your breasts are "your breasts," your vagina is "your vagina."

B-All right. Just got a little confused there. I'm old. Do you shave?

L-I keep it trimmed.

B-Do you like your smell?

L-It's my smell. I don't like it or dislike it. It's just who I am.

B-Do you like your body overall?

L- (Laughs) I think we've already established that I could do with smaller breasts! (Laughs) And I would be happy if I could actually motivate myself to drop about 25 pounds but...I mean, it's not something that really bothers me. Otherwise I would be motivated to drop the 25 pounds. It's there but...it's not something I hate.

B- How do you define the term "having sex?"

L-There's different ways to have sex. You don't have to have full on penis in vagina intercourse...but it's not necessarily, "Oh, I'm kissing him. I'm having sex." It's when there's intimacy involved. It's obviously got to be consensual. I don't know. It doesn't have to be about love but there has got to be a certain level of trust. I definitely think there's more to the term than the full...let's say more or less anything past third base. Everything else is just pretty much heavy petting.

B- Why haven't you ever had sex?

L-Uhhhh...I guess I'm picky.

B- (Laughs) You guess!?

L-Yeah, picky is definitely the word for it. I mean, there's so many diseases out there that can kill you. Without any cure...They're so far away from a cure it's scary! I'm surprised more people don't think about that. Sometimes, unfortunately, that's more on my mind than anything else. Definitely a buzz kill. 

B-How do you feel about drugs and alcohol?

L- They're recreation and if anyone has sex while they're under their influence, that's their own stupidity. I've been so wasted that I couldn't stand up straight but I still knew exactly what was going on. I understand that alcohol affects people in different ways but, seriously, it's their choice to continue drinking and anything that happens is their own fault.

B- When you think about the types of things that turn you on, would you consider yourself to be kinky?

L- No. I don't like whips and chains. I do have a friend that sent me a pair of handcuffs. We were emailing back and forth about him being my slave and him calling me "Mistress." He sent me the handcuffs and I laughed for twenty minutes. I put those on my headboard. 

B- How about women? Are you turned on at all by women?

L- No. Just guys. The way they smell, the way they look, they way they act. You can look objectively at a woman. I've been to a strip club with some friends and we were, like, "She's bored" so she loses points for that but " Oh, look, she's got her clitoris pierced" so she gets points for that.

B- That always seemed ridiculous to me. Let's take the single most sensitive part of a woman's body and risk desensitizing it by poking holes through it. What exactly are you getting out of this?

L- It's not necessarily the clit; it's the clit hood so...

B-Would you like to be tied up?

L- No.

B-Would you like to tie somebody up?

L- Hmmm....maybe!

B- Okay, if you had a guy tied up on a bed in front of you, what would you do to him?

L-Probably ride him!! (Laughs) I mean, I'd have fun with it, I wouldn't just mount and go. There's a certain appeal of having a guy helpless.

B- Why is that?

L- Not sure. I guess because men are, bodywise, just so much stronger than women...I mean, women can pump up and everything but there's just the whole, chemical, physical, hunting/gathering thing. That guys are gonna be stronger than women regardless. So the whole thing about having this hunk of manhood tied down on your bed is just...

B- Plus, psychologically speaking, we've already established that you are not submissive which means that you would be dominant. 

L- Yes!

B- How do you feel about the idea of a guy going down on you?

L- I don't know. I've certainly thought about GIVING a man oral pleasure and that is more sexy to me than a man going down on me. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it's a personal area. I mean...I think it would be very powerful and such a turn on. I mean, that's the center of a guy's pleasure. To be that...you're more or less in total control of whether they're gonna have an orgasm or not.

B-Do you like sexy lingerie?

L-Not for the fact that it's going to turn a guy on but I like it because it makes me feel good.

I've never worn lingerie for a guy though so...

B-Would you ever take money for sex?

L-No. Not under any circumstances.

B- What is the one thing that you would most like to try that you have never tried?

L- (Laughs) Sex in general! I think that's pretty straightforward.

B-All right, all right! What's something you would never try?

L- Anal sex. Exit port only.

B-What qualities would you look for with a potential partner?

L- Someone who can make me laugh. I just remember laughter with my parents. My father was always making my mother laugh or scream with frustration because he would be doing something that would just drive her insane! Loyalty. I don't mind going out with a guy who's going out with other girls as long as he isn't having sex with them. As soon as he makes that step, that's an ultimate step for me. He's got to tell me that he's made that step so I can back off and he can go on with the girl that he's decided to have sex with then.

B-You view the choice to have sex as a form of commitment, then?

L-Yes, a major form of commitment.

B- What if he doesn't feel that way about it?

L-That's his problem. That's not my problem.

B- Well, what if he doesn't feel that way and so doesn't tell you that he's doing it. 

L- If I find out, then that would be a major breech of trust, then. But I'm pretty straightforward about it. That's not something that I, like, hide and, like, "You broke the rule and you didn't even know about it." I'm very straightforward, I'm very...this is how I feel and why I feel it. If you can't follow, then I'm sorry, we can't go out.

B- How do you relate sex to love...or do you?

L- I don't. I don't know. It seems kind of hypocritical because of the fact that I haven't had sex at this point but I don't relate sex to love. I think love is something that...well, it could come in a bang or...

B-Pardon the expression.

L- (Laughs) It could be something that takes a long time to reach that point but I don't tie the two together. You can love someone and not have sex with them or have sex with them and not be in love with them.

B- How will you tell your children about sex?

L- I'll be as straightforward as my mother was with me. Pretty much when they start asking questions. 

B-What is the single most erotic thing in your admittedly limited experience?

L- Probably the toe-sucking! That's just something that I was not expecting! I was dancing so my feet weren't exactly perfectly clean and I always keep my toes very nice now, I keep the nails trimmed and cleaned, that kind of stuff. I just never realized I had a foot fetish until he started sucking on my toes.

B-Well, I'll just cross off this question, "What is your fetish?"

L- (Laughs)

B- Are you comfortable being a virgin?

L- I'm comfortable with the choices I've made. I'm not comfortable being still a virgin and almost 28.

B- Well, whomever you choose will hopefully know what a special, lucky man he is. I admire your stance in this day and age. Thank you, Liz.

L- You're welcome. 

END