1 comments/ 2587 views/ 1 favorites The Diary of Mark Jones Pt. 01 By: NeoBard This is the beginning of many parts. You may find it a slow set up, but I think the character development is necessary, as is the plot development. ***** MONDAY 21st JUNE I saw her at first across the hall as her heels clicked sharply while she walked. She was wearing long black pants with one of those white almost see through blouses that cling to the skin. All of this I noticed almost immediately. What stood our more than anything else though, was her hair. Gorgeous red curls that flowed almost half way down her back. She was walking away from me and I wondered briefly who she was, but then returned to my computer screen and hit send on the monthly report to my CEO. But you don't want to know about that. My therapist thinks keeping a journal of my more intimate thoughts will be beneficial to me. It will help me let things out in the open rather than holding on to them. Sandy doesn't know I noticed the red head, honestly I don't know if she would care that I did. She doesn't like to talk to me much these days. Too self-conscious or something. TUESDAY 22nd JUNE I saw her again. Her names Tanya. She has one of those almost immediately disarming smiles. You know, the kind someone throws your way and you instantly want to just say hi and invite them for a coffee. So i did. She's the new secretary for my CEO, Tom. Hired yesterday, interviewed a couple of weeks ago apparently - although I didn't know. Anyway, Sandy and I talked a little today. She says she wants to talk more but doesn't know how. Feels I'm always judging her because she's never able to provide what I need. She's talking about the sex of course. After five years of trying I'm just nearly at an end of my rope. Sometimes I initiate and she's too tired, or feels too sick, or is afraid it will hurt, or just not in the mood. Once she even stopped half way through, told me it was a lot of fun but she needed to sleep. I know my therapist says I need to talk to her about that, but I have before. What good will it do now to bring it up again? It'll just hurt Sandy more. I can't do that. I won't. WEDNESDAY 23rd JUNE I love her perfume. Tanya's. It kind of lingers when she leaves. She stopped by for coffee today, I can clearly remember her legs as she perched on the end of my desk. She has green eyes and they kind of crinkled as she laughed. I can't remember why she laughed; probably a corny joke I shared. When I arrived home from work Sandy was here too. We kissed, but she drew away. She just doesn't enjoy kissing. Something happened when she was younger. I'm sure it was some kind of abuse, but I didn't know that before I married her and I thought we didn't have sex before marriage because she wanted to wait. I was respecting her. I was clueless there'd be no sex after marriage either. And the fact she doesn't even like kissing. I know I'm not bad at that, but it does make me doubt myself. Maybe she's really fine with any physical intimacy and I'm just not who she needs. Perhaps I just can't touch her the way she desires. I don't know. What I do know is that it's not working right now. But it's only day 3. This could take months, even years. Or so says the therapist. THURSDAY 24th JUNE Nothing happened today. Can't remember anything worth writing anyway. FRIDAY 25th JUNE As I was locking my office, Tanya came by. She brought me my favorite blend of coffee. It's Brazilian and I picked it up during my last trip there. No idea how she knew I liked it. Probably mentioned it in conversation or something I'm sure. Anyway, I'll keep it at the office so it's here in the morning. I can just smell that blend. As she gave it to me our fingers touched briefly and I caught her eye. It was one of those moments where there's a slight surge of electricity and then our touch parted. She smiled demurely, I swear there was a hint of a blush and I moved on quickly. I can't linger on that particular feeling. Sandy and I went for a walk tonight. It was brisk but fun. Then she pleased me. Stroked my penis. Gave me a wank. It was good but frustrating. I want more. It's her I want to touch. Sexual release is one thing. Intimacy is something else entirely. The Diary of Mark Jones Pt. 02 SUNDAY 27th JUNE The weekend has been uneventful to say the least. I tried kissing Sandy but she turned away again. It was the usual excuse; she just doesn't like it. Tonight she spent an hour asking me if I was alright, to which I replied I was no different to usual. When I suggested that a lack of intimacy was having a negative effect on me the response I received was, "That's what therapy is for." I know that. I just wish things changed more quickly. Surely we can take baby steps? MONDAY 28th JUNE Tanya was in my office again today. She made some coffee from the beans she brought by last week. I'll be honest; there's this certain allure about her. Her skin looks so smooth, and I found myself drawn to the way her hair bounces as she walks, to the sway of her hips and the gleam of a smile that always flirts in her eyes. I look forward to her visits. Before she left my office she intimated that tomorrow we'd be out on a drive together to meet a prospect. It will be a two hour round trip; I think we will grab lunch on the way back. Sandy was painting when I arrived home. The new room is done. She's a brilliant painter, in fact if she became an interior designer I am sure she'd make good money. I told her so. She laughed and said she wasn't ready for that yet. I completely understand, but when I suggested classes to help her think through possible next steps she retorted that I should stop trying to fix her. That was the end of the conversation for the day. TUESDAY 29th JUNE So much can happen in a 24 hours. The drive with Tanya was funny, relaxing and unnerving. I drive a manual and she made a suggestive comment about loving the way I change my gears. I laughed and grinned saying something about her making it easy. I'm sure she blushed. The meeting went well, I'm amazed how easily Tanya memorizes all the right figures. I told her this and she said it was something she had to work at, but had proved invaluable to her career. On the way back we stopped for lunch at a Mexican. I ordered in Spanish, and Tanya thought it was quite romantic. As I handed her the menu our hands touched again, but this time we lingered. I felt the unspoken need we both had but also the naturally awkward hesitancy. We're just flirting but I think we're both afraid of more than that. I have a marriage I'm trying to save and I'm sure she's against romantic work place liaisons. I have to stay focussed. At home, Sandy and I shared dinner together. I mentioned Tanya in passing, trying to bring her in to my wife's awareness. She didn't seem interested. I just find it so difficult to bring things up in conversation these days. It's tough to know how Sandy might react or whether it will become a topic she does not wish to discuss in future. Often it ends with, "I don't want to talk about that again." I've always felt communication is key in marriage. If our needs aren't being met, and every time we try and talk about it one of us decides it isn't something they want to hear, well then, how will anything ever change? WEDNESDAY 30th JUNE Wow what a day. As Tanya sat on the corner of my desk going through a review of yesterdays meeting, I couldn't help but run my eyes along her slender legs. She was wearing a black skirt that she shifted as I looked, so that I received a nice long view of her thighs. I can imagine running my hands along her skin, beneath that clothing...I have to stop thinking this way. Not that Tanya minds, although it does sound creepy as I re read what I've written. There's a certain the way Tanya leaned in as she watched my gaze, shifted her skirt and pouted her lips playfully before asking me to focus. I'm sure she wants more attention. I suppose it's natural to flirt more the more one responds to it. Later, I caught her own eyes studying my chest and physique. I didn't mention it. Home was beckoning. At home we tried some gardening but then a freak storm came through. We lost power and went to bed early. I tried to read but I was too tired and fell asleep. I know reading helps Sandy sleep and I haven't done a lot of it lately, but honestly, I'm just so darned tired. THURSDAY 1st JULY This time when Tanya came in she all but closed the door to my office. I usually keep it open. As we talked I found the scent of her perfume arousing and leaned in closer. She has blue eyes that are always alert and seem so deep. She tossed her hair backwards at one point and I caught the shape of her neck, I found my lips drawing nearer and before I knew it my breath was tickling her ear as I heard my hoarse voice say, "You smell nice." "Thank you." She replied throatily and moved her head to the side so that our lips were nearly touching. Her mouth quivered as I lightly arched my own against hers. She felt so soft, so smooth. Her lips pressed against mine more firmly and for a brief moment we lingered, drinking of each other. I tugged on her lower mouth and she on my upper. I felt my hand moving towards the red tresses of her hair and then we parted. My breathing heavy. She moved away from the desk and I quickly looked around for something to occupy my mind. We didn't say sorry, we didn't change what happened. We just both decided that was as far as things were going to go. That night Sandy and I talked. She needed me to earn more money, the finances are stressful for her. I told her we just had to watch our budget. She seemed to agree but the storm had damaged the roof. We had some bills to pay. I had a good job I explained and she nodded but I could see that the fact she is not working full time was playing on her mind. There wasn't much I could do about that. We both fell asleep in silence. The Diary of Mark Jones Pt. 03 FRIDAY 2nd JULY Tanya never saw me today and I'm grateful. This morning I was tormented by thoughts of the kiss and her sweet, alluring, seductive body. I wanted her. But now it is night and Sandy lays sleeping peacefully and soundly by my side. The lamp is on and I can see her face in its soft warm glow. Her dark hair is tucked behind her ears and I can barely make out the brown skin of her neck where the blanket does not hug her body quite as tightly. I want her. I want my wife. I want my wife in ways I do not believe she can conceive. I want to offer her my strength, want to smell her scent upon my body, within the deep inhalations of my breathing chest. I want to feel her legs part as my mouth offers sweet kisses of peace upon the wet folds of her intimate desire. I want to feel the shape of her thighs as my fingers spread her shapely figure in their purposeful exploration of her need. I want this because I know what it will mean. I want her to feel the offered strength my soul brings when my manhood first slides between her tight but moistened sex. I want her to feel the rhythmic pulses of compassion as we slide together. I want her breasts to know the touch of her man as his tongue slides across each nipple, circling in ever more beautiful patterns and caresses. I want her to feel the urgent release of her anxiety and worry as shuddering waves of pleasure push them from her being. I want her to understand the merging minds of two forgiven souls locked in delicate embrace, as much about the unity of thoughts and desires as the stimulated coital love of sex. I want her to know the shielded embrace of a lover she has frozen out from within her personal prison. To know that escape. I want her body, want her beauty, want her soul. SATURDAY 3rd JULY It started bright enough. I made breakfast for Sandy and she enjoyed it, flashing me that winsome smile that once captured my heart. We ate our food with laughter, and made small talk about the day. In the afternoon we napped together and I felt her body against mine. We were, it seemed, at peace. In the evening we fought about sex. She wants a child and I will not give it to her, not until we have experienced love making consistently again without the need to make one. I will admit, this is my own concern; that I will be used just to make a mother of her - and then cast aside. If I am honest, I realize that this sexual tension had wounded me too. I wonder now, if she does desire me? I question if she does want me? Is she sexually aroused by me? Should I be offended if I am boring to her? Friendship is nice, but I didn't get married for friendship. I married for love. Yes, for the friendship kind, but also for the eros kind. The kind I feel for her. SUNDAY 4th JULY Independence Day y'all. It was a fun day but tiring. We went to visit Sandy's family. It was fun and the food was great, but it left us both very tired. MONDAY 5th JULY Work again. I saw Tanya in the hallway. She smiled, I smiled back. As we passed she gave a small wave with her fingers. A coy one which brought a tint of red to her cheeks as she turned. I fought the urge to watch her ass sway as she walked, and I strode quickly to my office. Tom called me and asked if Tanya and I could take a trip out of town. Our last one had been successful and he thought that we made a great team. Together we might bring some business from out of state. I told him I'd think about it and he frowned, wondering why I wouldn't jump at the chance -the free hotel and the extra money. That's what did it. Sandy wanted money and this could bring more in. She'd be less stressed, less tense, perhaps more willing to let go of the anxiety she hid inside. Tom smiled, he wanted his best man on the job. We will leave on Friday. For the weekend. The Diary of Mark Jones Pt. 04 TUESDAY 6th JULY We kissed tonight, Sandy and I. It pains me that this means it's a significant event. It should be as natural as holding hands right? But it isn't. The kiss was nice, lips on lip, soft and truthfully, somewhat hesitant. There were no tongues involved, but it was intimate. I enjoyed it even if it was brief. Sandy asked me if I liked it and I said yes, but when I asked if she did there was no response. I just wish we could move past this. Everything in our relationship is a struggle right now. WEDNESDAY 7th JULY Tanya and I spent time preparing for our weekend trip. She leaned over the table for much of the conversation, pointing out particular places in her notes. I observed that her breasts rose and fell slowly, always within eye line. Her blouse was a pale pink today and the top couple of buttons were open, revealing the pale skin underneath. She wore a rose scented perfume and as we left for the day her hand held mine for just a couple of moments. But those moments sparked. At home I asked Sandy for sex. She said we should just see how things go. I cooked dinner which meant we retired to the bedroom fairly late. Once there I let my hands wander over her shoulders, kneading her with a gentle massage that elicited a soft moan of pleasure. Her back was tense, there were knots across her neck. Purposefully I took care to work them out of her and she relaxed with her back against my chest. Small murmurs of thanks encouraged me. After a short time I began to let my hands wander around her front, skipping beneath the soft touch of her silk pajamas and feeling the rising curve of her breasts. I bit back guilt as the image of Tanya's cleavage briefly entered my thoughts, but then my fingers began a gentle caress of her figure and she shifted backwards, sinking further into peaceful bliss. She fell asleep soon after but I find myself okay with that. We had a moment that was not awkward, and was intimate. A moment we shared. A moment she needed. THURSDAY 8th JULY Tanya and I were back together again but I kept our minds focussed on the portfolios we were presenting Saturday afternoon so that we wouldn't focus on each other. I don't know if she knows what I'm doing or just puts it down to being a diligent worker. Either way, it worked. I was out of work quickly. Half way home I received a text from her, "You're sexy when you're so focussed." Damn, my erection was almost instant. I could imagine the way she said it, with an almost sultry voice and a hoarse whisper tagged onto her lips as they tugged upwards at the corners. I didn't respond straight away but then thought things might be more awkward if I didn't. So I simply said "Thanks." At home Sandy thanked me for the previous night and offered to return the favor. Sandy's massages are great. Then she surprised me by saying, "I won't just massage your neck." She moved closer to me and I felt her hand unclasp my belt and then feel for me through my trousers. I smiled and simply said, "Thank you darling." She did massage more than my neck. Her hands found my penis and stroked it to a hard pulsing need that grew with intensity as she paid thorough attention to it. Her mouth never touched me but her hands were insistent and skillful. I found my eyes half closed with pleasure as I whispered back how much I wanted her. "Not tonight" She said, "But I will meet your need." She teased me, bringing me to the edge then letting her fingers slide away from my erection. My hips bucked up to meet her hand and she smiled, bringing her fingers to her lips and licking them before reaching down for me again. Then she stroked me faster, watching as I gave in to the moment and groaned a satisfied growl into the walls of our room. I rolled over and my fingers slipped between her legs, "You're wet." I whispered. "Yes." She said and I rolled against her clit, listening to the soft moan of her breath as it escaped through her lips. She took my hand and guided it into a rhythm she enjoyed, leaning back against the bed as my mouth reached her nipples and sucked on her breasts while my hands explored her desire. I heard a louder gasp as her body shuddered and her hand reached for my cheek. "Baby, that was wonderful." I hoped it would help me through the weekend.