1 comments/ 3855 views/ 0 favorites Letters from Long Ago By: StarryEyz May 12, 1999 Just a little note to say I liked your story. Are you the author? If you are then you could have a great future writing stories like that..............Speaking of being a centerpiece, you have been the centerpiece of my imagination since we first spoke on Monday. I've gotta tell ya that I have had elevated blood pressure :)~ since then. I like to flirt as well when I get the chance, but I don't talk to that many people that I can flirt with. And like you say you are feeling right now I am also lonely and VERY HORNY. I have had visions of you in a bikini top all morning since reading your E-mail. Before I can get too involved in this flirting thing I gotta know one thing. Does Dave know you are flirting with me like this? As I remember the last time you started getting explicit in an E-mail to me Dave was looking over your shoulder and giving you "the look" as I remember you saying. Well anyway I still get the pumping heart when it say's I've got mail and I see your name on the screen. I created a new screen name so now that I can be the only one to see it! So please use this one so my kids don't get a hold of my E-mail's. I am flattered that I am I am held in high regard by you and your friends. What do I have to do to get you on a roll with me? :)~ .................Gotta go............Guy... You sexy Tattooed Love Dog YOU!!! Looks like we have more in common than we thought! But I think you ought to know,...I'm a wild one. That's what they say. They also say I am Low-maintenance as far as money, yet very high-maintenance as far as Physical demands. This includes all aspects of "flirting". :)~ And as far as Dave goes....He was one of the main contributors of last night's conversation!!! I read what he wrote to you, and although when stated quite that bluntly it sounds trite and cheap, what he said is the gist of it. But it really goes so far beyond the way it sounds. For you to really understand, I'd have to tell you all about Stephanie (our girlfriend), explain some of what happened last year during levee phase I then tell you about some things that happened and came to light during Levee Phase II. And all that (total wrap-up explanation time estimated at 1 hour){lol} is so much better done in person........while drinking a beer.....or sitting on your lap.....{ahem...there I go again!} :) Last night's "Fantasy of Guy" started with me on your lap. And it was all downhill from there.......{lol} Dave has known about the way I think of you for a long time. I don't know if you caught the clue, but I wasn't really around you much. But I remember each night's dreams after I did see you. [Deep Sigh] David and I have had people through our lives in the last 2 years as we have come to understand and accept ourselves better. We realize that as long as we are open and honest; don't sneak around or lie either to each other or ourselves; and continue to learn and grow as partners, lovers, friends and people there is no thought, action or desire that is "wrong". And frankly, he has been giggling at me for a week over the fact that I can't seem to get you out of my mind (and my body keeps reacting as well!). You see, until you invaded my thoughts, I really never involved other men in my fantasy as the central thing, you know? I have been so in love with Steph for the last 10 years, she pretty much has had the monopoly on my fantasy world. Of course, everyone comes second to Dave, you understand. :) So here I am, having one hell of a time freeing myself from thoughts of what it would be like to touch your chest, or feel your hands on the small of my back. Or smell your neck. Or laugh with you. Or curl up and disappear next to you. Or......Or......Or..... That would be how to get me "on a roll", love. Lately, I feel like my heart is going to thump right out of my chest. Since you called Monday, I can't shake you. And Dave is TRULY happy that I have finally found a fantasy that is more about me and what I long for than about him. Until lately, all I have truly from my heart and soul wanted was Dave in a complete state of bliss 24 hours a day, and Stephanie safe and content within my vision. Both about them, not really me. Now I have something I want. Just for me. VERY MUCH for ME. :) I guess we just need to get together, Guy, so we can flirt and laugh and drink and talk. You struck my soul the first time I met you as a REAL person. I am glad you are proving me right. :) And besides, I could just sit in the room with you and look at your smile and listen to your voice and melt away. When I answered the phone Monday and heard you, I started vibrating and I don't think I have stopped for more than....well, I don't think I have! When you said you thought about me in my new bikini top, I almost came! Swear to God! (See, this is what I was saying. I just need a trigger of a word or sound and off I go! But no touching. It is beginning to piss me off!) So all afternoon I walked around here giggling to myself thinking that I had sparked a picture in your head. Then all I could think of was your hand, so strong, sliding one finger under the strap around my neck and lifting it gently from my skin. I could feel myself tremble as I closed my eyes and pictured you. And felt your movements. And inhaled your body.. I'd better stop now. I'm losing it, and since I have no hope for relief in sight, I am only torturing myself. I'd better get the picture back of me in your lap laughing with you. At least I can function through that part of the dream. :) If you want to know exactly point by point the images of you floating around my head last night, let me know. I saved the talk and I could send you a copy of it. I read it again earlier and only wished you had been here to walk ,me over that edge. I get so close...but I can't get past the touching thing. And I just can't do that. Maybe you could just do a friend a favor and stop by to help me out until I leave for Hawaii (June 7th). Every night I seem to feel this flame between my thighs, my head gets all light and I get all wet. Any suggestions? You're the boss, you know. And so fucking sexy, you MUST have an idea of what I could do to help me past these lonely nights. Thanks for letting me dream. You are amazing, in my mind at least. And I think you will take up resident next to Steph for fantasy food and sheer desirability. Congrats! {lol} ....00000000000000.....33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 May 14, 1999 Wow! I am a little rocked back on my heels. It looks as though we have made a connection that is cosmic. I received the E-mail from Dave and was really happy to hear from him and I am proud and touched that he considers me to be his friend.....You are very lucky to have that guy....... Now about your most recent E-mail.............I haven't been able to think about anything else since......There you are like a huge brightly lit billboard filling up the entire space in my head.......With your bikini top on......then off......and I can see you sitting on my lap.....smelling your hair.....laughing and smiling at me.....my hand slides up your smooth thighs......touching you......while we kiss...................! Gotta tell ya, I have not been able to get and walk around with anybody around as I am afraid they could not but help and notice this titanic bulge in my pants....... I am consumed by thoughts of you.....Images that are clear and sharp........I can smell and feel you next to me........warm and soft and wet............ OK....? You gotta know that I am generally a slightly introverted person and that I have not always been really expressive with my thoughts. But I think with a little bit of your help I might be able to improve on that....... I DO HAVE some suggestions for you on your needs, and I plan on showing you what those are..... I would love to know of all the images floating around in head. Send me a copy of your story and let me take a look at it. I am always interested in a little role playing fun. Well I gotta go for now, I will call you today......... Your big tatted guy......:)YYYYYYYYYYYYYY May 18, 1999 Hello Fantasy Lover – A Little Note here : I have completed my attitude adjustment. I am now sufficiently cleared of the strange weakness of character which previously occupied me. Attitude being back to normal, I once again cannot focus. Well, I guess those are my choices : anxious or dripping wet and FRUSTERATED!!!!! Would you like to hear how I changed my mood? I think you would :) As requested, I was thinking about my next story with just you and me. So, I took a little break from this chaos and noise, laid down on my bed and streched my arms and legs and body , closing my eyes to see you. Have you ever seen a scene in your head one way and almost at the same moment seen the same scene with a different kind of mood or whatever you want to call it? That's what happened to me. As I took a deep breath and your hands lifted my top from my breasts, I saw me sitting on your desk in the trailer office with you standing in front of me. Your hands under my shirtas we kissed and my hands were down your unzipped pants. The heat of that motion burned me from the center of my soul. My knees parted in my short skirt as your body pressed against me and your hips moved between my knees. I pulled my lips from yours and kissed your cheek, your neck, behind your ear, then ran the tip of my tounge along the edge of your ear, nibbling your earlobe as I breathed you in. You are so hot and dusty, and that combined with the heat of your need and intensity are intoxicating. My hands move up your strong chest to the neck of your shirt, pulling the top open as I kiss down your neck to the top of your chest. The noise from the job outside and the dusty light through the windows create our own world in this room. You have left to door open ever so slightly, just to tease me and make me have to keep my own pleasure a secret that only you will hear with your body. You know how to make me squirm inside to the point of crying out in ecstasy. You smile as you touch my nipples, hearing the soft stuffed moans from my mouth as I kiss your skin. With my lips kissing your nipples as I feel under your shirt, I raise my big brown eyes to look at you , laughter sparking in my pleading eyes. I know what you are trying to do. This little game of ours always has a fun end. Some days you win and I can no longer control the cries inside. Some days I win and manage to spray my juice on your cock or tounge with only the silent screams of pleasure from my pussy escaping. My hands go to your hips pushing you back slightly as I slide off the desk and down your body to my knees. I reach behind you and pull your chair to you so you can relax all but one part of your working body. And although I love each muscle of your body, the way they move and tense when you make love to me, the way I see the need in you reflected in their firmness, there is only one muscle I want hard and firm right now. As you sit, I pull your pants just enough to allow to please you. I rest back on my heels and lean forward while my hands take you and surround you. Each time I lay my face next to your swellling prick, I have to catch my breath. My hands look so tiny next to you, and each time I worry of being able to do for you the way you want. But as I breath, my hot breath brushing the tip of your head, you sigh quietly and I feel your blood pump faster to bring you up to meet my lips. I feel you rest your weight back in the chair as your eyes close and you touch my cheek as I softly kiss your cock. Soft, feather kisses from the tip to your perfect balls, and back up the beautiful vein under. Your fingers touch my lips and I take my tounge and run it up your finger to the end and then slowly, firmly suck your finger into my mouth. As you draw your finger from my lips I look up at you again. You look down into my eyes as my wet lips rest against your hardness. My fingers still stroking the length of you and caressing your balls. These loving eyes show no hint of the laughter of a moment ago, instead replaced by a white fire as I lick my lips and turn again to the task at hand. You stroke my hair and face as I move on you, taking a little more of your rod with each gentle pull back.Each time you touch my face as I suck you, you feel the stiffled moans from me through your prick, moving you both the smile and treat me with another swallow of clear hot juice. Your balls begin to tighten, and I start to suck with more fervor and strength. You open your eyes and watch me as I hungrily devor you, all the while rubbing my wet cunt against my heels, as you have told me to. You hear me swallow agaion and again, never releasing you from my mouth. As You start to shoot your cum into my mouth, I take the full length of you and extend my tounge to touch your throbbing balls. I swallow one then two spurts of cream, then pull back and press your cumming cock against my exposed breasts. I sigh release as the heat covers my aching nipples. I relax against your legs , helping you pull your pants back in place and licking you clean. As I am licking the last drops from your body, the phone rings and you lean forward to answer it. I slide backward, under the desk as you move your chair forward to write something down and have this call. You smile as you close your legs around me, effectively trapping me under the desk, out of sight of anyone who might look in. I lift up my little ass and you slide your foot between my legs. I lean forward on that leg, grinding my hot little pussy up against you, and resting my chin on my hands over your knee. I don't know how long this call will last,or even if you are going to let me out once it is done. But really I don't care. Down in the small space, in the darkness, "trapped" with the smells of you and me together, is not a bad place to be. And on my knees for you is where I like to be anyway. So, you like It? I saw it at the same time in my head as I saw it played out with more force, and more interupptions. I'll write that to you later ..........masybe. If you are nice and talk to me like you did last night again (?).....PLEASE. Thank you for the attitude change. I needed it, love. If you call and I'm not there, try 721-4545. That is the house with the working fridge :) Thinking happily of my knees, Bean May 19, 1999 Good Morning my Gentle Admirer - Gosh, I hope I am not all wrong about you. I mean, how could I be? In my fantasies of the last year, I had you pegged as the toucher; as the gentle roughhouser; as a man not afraid of showing himself, yet guarded.....seems to me my ESP has been working pretty damn well! I also KNEW, I mean I just KNEW you were an intrinsically sexual person. It makes me glow that I am so honored as to be someone you have welcomed to share your presence. You have gifted me with the fact that you allowed me to invade your head. Every time I saw you (or thought about you) You seemed to be peeking through a door and in my heart, you were grinning, like there was something behind you that everyone would want to see....IF they knew you had it. For some reason, I just assumed you would let me through whenever I wanted. I had no reason to think that. Yet, I could not imagine ever thinking that you would do anything other than be my friend. I saw a man who would be the greatest of allies and friends if you were worthy. Your eyes told me I'd get the chance to see if I wanted. Apparently, people fear you (!???!) when you are their boss, and Dave heard more than a few times that you must REALLY like him because you spoke more than 2 words at a time to him. I never even felt that once. I tried to see it. I mean, I believe in the power of intimidation over subordinates......You have the size and I'm just plain mean, so we get the same thing accomplished in the long run.{lol} But to hear that you were this man who rarely spoke of his personal life on anything more than general terms.....that man I do not see. But I am not surprised some people might. Most people are too stupid frankly to get out of the rain, and they take it as a compliment to get hung by a new rope! (OK, that expression would be coming from the part of me raised in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Just escapes every now and then. Sorry. She is captured now and back in her padded cell. Moving on.....) Dave realized soon after beginning work with you why he was so taken with you. That "thing" going on about you....that "thing" that told me you are a sexual being......apparently I have the same "thing" about me and that combined with some of the more potent aspects of your personality made for a co-worker Dave could handle quite well. You see, he deals with you and your moods, the angry thing, the frustrated thing all in the same way he deals with........ME. He laughingly told me once that if I was confused about something or another, Just to think how would I be reacting. Then that was how Guy would react, he said. So when he'd come to me and say "Gut wants (whatever it was that week)" I'd just form it how I wanted it and rarely was I completely off. (At least that is what I hear. He might have manipulated me a little so he could keep hearing my stories) ;) So I guess I'm a little like the 5'1 1/2", female, Mexican, theatre version of you. And I guess in a way I finally get know what it would be like to be tall, male and a construction boss. FINALLY! Yeah! I want to own my own construction company someday. It could be doing whatever, I don't care/ Gov't contracts would be easy to pull in, what with all the minorities I cover alone!!! Dave grew to care about you because he saw reflected in you so many things he has learned to cherish as parts of me. And you treated him with respect and like a friend. For that I thank you. And for treating me as a friend also, when there was no outward reason to. I kind of just pushed through the door and, my love, you were correct. There is a lot I see in here already that everyone would want if they knew. And here again, our opinions meet. I wouldn't open that door to just anyone either. You are far too amazing to allow the world free access. It only causes you pain, because (again) they are mostly too dumb to understand anything but themselves. I am glad you let me in, even if only for a short while. But you are not a man easily put aside. So, as of this moment in time, I have no intention of putting you anywhere but in my fantasies and bed. The only thing is : HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE A MILLION GIRLFRIENDS?!!!??? I know it would not matter what body I was in, you would (are) a man I would want touching my life. So what do you do? Rub Limburger cheese on your navel to keep them away? Dance the funky chicken to a waltz? Shout "Sausage makes me fart!" in a crowded movie? Those are a couple of things that might be inhibiting your "woman snagging" capacity. (Just an idea. Take notes if you want.) But as honest and reliable as you are (per past incidents related to me), I do believe you. And I think this goes to prove how goddamned PUSHY and AGGRESSIVE I am. :)~ Anyway, I was going to attach a picture of me to this e-mail(in case you have me confused with those other guys wives named Rocky), but I can't find it. And as much as I desperately want you in my bed/house/day I cannot stop packing to search for a lousy picture. SSOOO I will see you online around 6:30 or 7:00 If you Don't see me, or you just Letters from Long Ago want to call me (because my story was so hot), call the 721-4545 number and I'll be getting the boys until around 8:30, then I'm home. Look forward to tomorrow with wet panties (on me not you). Love, XOXOX Your Mexican Dove, Bean From your man- Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and smiling from ear to ear. I was very excited by your story!!!!!!!!!!! I am having trouble thinking because all of my blood is in my dick, not in my brain. Just to let you know also, I have had many fantasies of you as well. Long before I called you last week. Many of them.... Lot's.....So I guess I have been a little coy with you in that regard. Its part of my little game you know. When I called I knew Dave was not at home. I knew what I was going to start when I called, but I was sure that with the right kind of flirting I would get to where I am going tomorrow..........Surprised! Don't be because you saw it in my eye's when I looked at you just the few times I have seen you. I was just able to be disciplined and not let anyone see my hand.......So essentially I have lusted after you in my heart all along...........Your friend and soon to be Lover..............Guy.......... May 20, 1999 Hello there darling. I want to tell you what I said in my E-mail to you was not really some type of plan that I had concocted, but rather I looked back at the past week and looked at what I had done and said and realized that deep inside of me I knew what I as doing. I just did not choose to admit it to myself. That is what I meant. I was thinking to myself I would just call and say hello as I knew you had been by yourself and were probably a little lonely. But as I said I am a little bashful and I have some self-esteem problems even when it comes to admitting things to myself about what I am doing and why I am doing it. This is all very personal to me and I am generally very guarded with my thoughts and feelings as most people are generally not very kind and tend to be judgmental and like to tear other people down rather than help them and offer them friendship. Soooooo....... this is more than I have opened up to anyone (and I mean anyone) about how I really feel. This is really starting to sound like rambling, so the short of is I like you and always have since I met you and I really like Dave a lot and he has been a very good friend to me in the short time we have known each other. I am not a deceitful person rather am generally blunt and to the point on most matters. This will be life long friendship with me as all of my friendships are. I can be the one to call when in need of help. I AM YOUR FRIEND. GUY Dearest Love, my Bright Star – I just watched your taillights blaze into nothingness. I stood there knowing what it is like now to have loved and lost. Having you with me these last weeks has kept me afloat in the sea I am drifting on. Yet as you leave tonight, I feel waves swell and crash around me. So who can say which is better, our hearts having paid the cost? To have a constant test of wills in our relationship, you with the the iron will, but me with the keys to your heart, leaving us with neither one able to use any of them. So although I have known a glimpse of your heart's desire to Enfold me, I watch you leave knowing you will never know the bright, burning flames of fire I hold for you and the feel of them as they burn. Do I hold these flames safe and tucked away until the day when you return., asking once again in sincerity for our common thoughts to play out on the screen we create entwined together? Will the fire use itself up and be the bedrock for a tree to grow and shade us both from the heat of a bitter world? Will the piece of my heart you take with you into the night be brought back to me, unseen and discarded, returned only as an afterthought to some errand? Or will you hold it close and use its warmth to ease the longing of an unmet desire, kissing it and sending pieces home to me with the summer stars in the night, dropping the glowing embers into half-sleep dreams of the perfect balance between you and me? All the battles within my confused and unused heart are petty and small when I looked in your eyes and saw the pain of an agonizing truth holding you hostage. Honor and dignity, care and trust, belief and fantasy...all these parts of my lover are holding you upright while I watch the lonely little boy within the room of 'You' cry out and fall to your knees as another day goes by without a playmate. I want to play, and keep you company, but the price of forsaking this safety is so great, only you can choose to pay it. So when you choose to live and learn and grow through the peace of history and time shared, it is a choice I understand. I recognize the conflict of the decision, and am honored to have been given such a gift of friendship and trust as you did by giving me the truth. But I will hold open the entry to my life at any time for you, my once in a lifetime poet of my dreams, for the day when you are free to choose a different path, if only for a while. I will be here in this place of yearning , longing for the time when you ask me to again take the road less traveled and discover together what it is we are reflecting within our common needs. When you reach out your dreams and thoughts to me, I will be there for you. When you silently scream for the needs of another to take you outside of yourself, I will come if you ask. I will always hide within your heart, there if you should look, tucked away in a corner and there to stay. I only wish I could learn to trust me as much as I trust you. In my hunger tonight, I ate all that was offered, and didn't see that you were left starving. This banquet of dreams should hold more than enough for the both of us, but you walked away from the feast before you were served. Only here can you consume the love I have to give. When you turned it away after you had asked for it, I was lost. But lost is not where I want o stay. So I won't dwell, but instead, return to the table Only in sharing it with you does it become real at all. And I have seen reality in the movements of our bodies together. Felt the reality of my feelings explode when your lips brushed mine, and heard the reality of the attentiveness of your affection in my own cries. I am making choices as well. I choose to remain your lover, in spirit and devotion,. I choose to continue to feed your hunger while you reside within your safety. But know how I fell this night. Like a stone to the ocean floor, I do not believe I can return to the sandy edge. I adore the light you give when you are with me. So get to work and call for me when you need it. Forever and a Day, Bean May 22, 1999 Just wanted to offer some type of explanation to ya. To let you know you treated me perfectly the other night. I just was a basket case that could not believe how incredibly lucky I was to be there with you..........Any way I gotta see ya....Soon Thinking of you now......your friend,,,,,,,,Guy May 22,1999 (attachment) My little Bean, I have had a little time to reflect on the other night and I have come to think I should not have left so hastily. I am not feeling too good about the way I left. How could I lead you on all week and not follow through on my promises? I am just a complex person that has too many thoughts running through my head............ What could you have thought? There I was with my hand and fingers shoved into your crotch and my tongue down your throat and this beautiful breast with this hard delicious looking nipple right in front of my face just waiting to sucked on, teased and tasted and all of a sudden I cannot complete the task..........I am sure you were thinking "what the fuck is going on with this guy". Well let me say this to you.......I was confused and in my confusion I just went to my disciplined position and hunkered down. That is where I spend a lot of my time you see in that type of frame of mind. Disciplined! You know with the work and the regular family life and all that crap it takes some real doing on my part to stay a part of that and to not fuck it up as it is really not in my true nature to have this type of "normal life". I am at heart somewhat of rouge and a nomad that has been set into this spot of being responsible for others. There have been times in the past when I have not been disciplined and kept myself in order and things got pretty fucked up real fast and everyone around me got hurt...........So what I am trying to say is, is that I had all this shit running through my head and I'm thinking way to much about it. But this thing with you I cannot shake it. I feel compelled to see you. I need to see you as much as I have needed anything, ever. I am burning with desire for you. I close my eyes and I see you there, next to me. Doing all of the things we have talked about. All of those dirty little things I have dreamed about you doing to me since I first saw you at the levee site. My heart is racing faster and faster and I feel as if I am about to explode. But the one place I want to explode is inside of you :). Will you give me another chance? A chance to fill all of your fantasies and desires, and to make you cum and cum again and again until you fall asleep in my arms, content and safe. I sure hope so. Love and kisses,???????????? Guy (your tattooed friend) May 27, 1999 Hello Love, I am sitting here looking over your letter and all I can say is WOW!! :) You do have something going on that is very special. Something that cannot be ignored. I do not know where to start. Let's see, do I think you are nuts? NO WAY! You are a force that shines light into darkness. A force that brings Love to the battlefield, where there is only hostility and despair. You make me feel like a kid again. Young and restless with a heart full of Love, Hope and Passion. So I cannot and will not think of you in any bad way. Rocky you have stirred up something in me that I had forgotten about. Something I once knew along time ago and up unto now could only see through clouds of mist and fog. I am not sure just what it is that you do know. But I can see you do know something. Something none of the others can see. Maybe when you looked into my eyes you could see deep into me like no others can. I know I could see something in you. Something I have not seen since I last dreamed of beautiful things. I cannot describe in words what or how I feel. We have a lot in common you and me. Not just this physical attraction either, something more than that. I told you that I was very empathetic. You and I have an immediate sense of what others are feeling. Love, Pain, Relief, Anger, Remorse, Joy, or just maybe indifference. There are powerful forces at work out there! I am glad you can see so much. The only fear I have as man in this world have is the fear of hurting the ones I Love. Hurting the ones who I am lucky enough to have Love me. I am not sure if I have a gift, but I have always been held out of harms way. When all others around me have gone down and when it looks as if all hope is lost and I am about to meet my end. Something always happens. I am lifted out and carried away on Angel wings, untouched by whatever bad is happing. I have talked to Selena about it (because we both have the same force around us) and we just describe it as a special type of luck. The type of luck that will let you see the face of evil but will not -will not- let the evil hurt you. I have truly been blessed with that type of life. (now who sounds crazy) And you were right about it happening since I was a little kid. And it is happening again. Right now! I can feel the pressures building around me but it is something I cannot control. Enough about me, I want to talk about us. I want so desperately to see you and to have you. Like I said before, there you are like this bright picture in my mind all of the time now. You are so sexy, beautiful and desirable I feel as though my heart will explode. (my pants too) What I want is to have the chance to experience making love to you in person not just over the phone or in my fantasies. But I am not sure I can go through with it. Like you say first I am in, then out, then in again. It would probably cause me too much pain. I have felt that pain before you know. I told you I have had a checkered past, a past that I cannot escape. A past that has already taught me those hard lessons of trust and friendship. Rocky I like you a lot, a whole lot. And I would surely Love to fuck the taste out of your mouth as you would say :), but I am afraid it would make whatever pleasure I get out of it a little bitter because of my demons from the past. You are my friend Love. I still want to see you before you go. And I still will probably talk to you every day before you go. You say you still have much to tell me and to share with me. Well I am most interested in that. You have made me feel nothing but good. You have given me nothing but pleasure. I owe you for that. You have restored my self-esteem as it has been waning as of late. In short you are my friend. I want to see you again so you can tell me of the secrets you know. Thanks for being my friend, Lover Guy................... June 3, 1999 Sweetest Love, I am sitting here with intense images of you racing across my mind. Like a favorite memory someone returns to over and over when they are in need of an escape of the unfriendly world and turn to that memory again and again for comfort and support. I long for your touch .I ache inside knowing I will not see you as soon as you or I would like. I can feel you next to me when I close my eyes, I sense your feelings of pleasure when I make my mental connection with you at night when I am in bed dreaming of you. Surely you sense my feelings of excitement and want. The day will not cum soon enough when I can once again feel your soft skin, rubbing my hands all over you as you moan and writhe in your delight. The day will cum when I can devour you with my mouth. Tasting your delicious honey. I want to suck you into my mouth, feverishly working my tongue around your hard clit. Pressing against you with just the right amount of pressure. While I slide my hands around to your butt cheeks, spreading them wide so I can have easy access to your asshole. I will slide one finger into your wet pussy then another into your ass. You will scream with pleasure and beg me not to stop. After you cum your honey all over me a couple of times I will slide up onto you. Working my mouth up your soft belly kissing your ribs working my way to those nipples that are so hard ,so hard now. These nipples of yours taste so delicious I just want to suck and lick and bite them softly until you cum again. With you laying there reaching out for my cock, groping for the hardness you know you will find there. The hardness of my cock is just for you. I rub it on the inside of your thighs, brushing up against your pussy lips that are swelled and wet. I tease you by just sticking the head of my cock in you so that it flips your hard clit as it passes over the rim of the base of my throbbing cock. After I tease you for a while you with you fingers digging into my back trying to pull me into you I plunge all of my hardness into you. You let out a scream of pleasure that makes me want to fuck you harder and deeper. I am fucking you now, over you looking down on you as you are writhing under me. Grinding me with your hot pussy. I kiss you deeply and place my weight down upon you as my balls begin to tighten. I am now cumming inside of you, wave after wave of cum shooting deep into your pussy. You are shaking and vibrating with your eyes rolled up into your head as you cum and cum again..........OK? Just wanted to give a little note to you. Something to think about till we see each other. Missing your touch, Lover Guy................ June 4, 1999 I will probably request you wear a skirt with no panties on so I can pull up your skirt just as soon as I see you, Kiss you deeply, turn you around, bend you over, grab your hips and shove my cock deep into you and fuck you hard and furious slapping up against your ass with my hips with my hands on your hips your feet will probably come off the floor as I fuck you harder and deeper and faster......OK? You got the picture? I am yours my love.........Then the hot wax, ice cubes, me melting in your mouth. MMMMMMMM MMMMMM you grinding your hot pussy into my mouth .........MMMM MMM MMM......Then maybe you can bend me over....and show me what for.........MMMMMMMM I know you would like that wouldn't you? We will fuck and suck until there is nothing left.......and then suck and fuck some more.....OK? Lover Guy........:)~> June 8, 1999 I am busting with anticipation today knowing that tomorrow I will be seeing you, smelling you touching you and tasting you.... mmmmmmmm good. I am crazy with thoughts about you! You know I have not thought about protection and such things. I have not been fixed as the saying goes. So what does that mean? Should I bring protection? I have never used a condom before. I am not sure I want to use one now. I never thought about you getting pregnant. maybe some type of morning after foam "lol".... Sorry it just seems a little different when you get into the details of it all. I am generally a spontaneous type with little thought to these types of things. For me it takes away some of the fun with so much preparation. I need to have spontaneity. I long for your touch....... filled with thoughts of your new blue toy:)........ Your lover Guy......... June 18, 1999 Little Hottie, Hello they're my sweetness. I have had you in my head all day today. I am not able to work as you are clouding my mind with thoughts of your beautiful face and your delicious body. I do not know how I will be able to function without your energy to guide me. You are something special to me. Something I will hold next to my heart in a secret place only you, our friends and I can find. That place where you come to me to let me hold you. To cup my hand in the small of you back while I draw you close to me so I can kiss you deeply. Swallowing you up, and tasting your sweet breath. It is like having drops of honey dripped on to my tongue while I have this big smile on my face and not a care in my mind. I am so hot for you that my fire cannot be extinguished by normal means. It will take an indefinite period of your time and an extraordinary amount of your energy to pay the price of my desire for you. I cannot even now count the times I have dreamed of you grinding your hot pussy on my mouth, or me sliding my hard cock into you while you quiver with delight. Cumming so hard on me you shoot your hot sweet honey all over me. Or me feeling you with your soft hungry mouth and lips sucking all of my prize and draining my balls of their love butter that is just for you............These are just flashes of the dreams of you that consume me...........Fucking you from behind with my hands griping your hips while my balls slap into your ass cheeks.......Oh!!!!!!!! I can feel you even now......... Your big strong lover man, Guy June 21, 1999 I just got your text message. I am now on line and you are not sending me an instant message. Why not? I need some of your online love :)~ Just to let you know......You have been a real blessing for me. I will have you in my dreams for life.........I want you, I need you and I will have to have you again and again and again................... June 22, 1999 Rocky, There is no need to fear your new trip but rather to embrace your journey. You will once again see your soul mate and see him with his with his children that miss him dearly. These are good things. Our friends will also appreciate some new scenery. Letters from Long Ago I will however miss you very much. I did not expect to fall in love with you like I have. You have captured my heart and placed in a little box that only you have the key to. I will miss your adoring brown eyes, I will miss your soft touch and your sweet breath upon my face. I have only good thoughts in my head when I think of you. I will see you again. That is my promise to you... and you know I do not break my promises. You will once again be held by me in my arms. Tightly and gently. I will kiss you deeply and take away all of you fears. I will bring lust and wanton love to you........... I will have long pleasurable dreams of you.....always. .....Lover Guy June 28, 1999 So I thought I was gonna get some explicit sex talk here!? :) None of this hippie poet shit! :) There is that the way I am supposed to sound? (lol) I am sitting here with this huge hard on and I do not know what to do with it. I tried to smack it down but it will not stay. I tried opening cans with it but that got boring after a while. So now I am typing with it, (lol) and doing a pretty good job of it. Gotta go...............for now.........bye Lover Guy June 29, 1999 I gotta tell ya something ok? I know where this has been going all along. So I have been trying to visualize it in my head. You know thinking about it in a fantasy type way. But no matter how many different ways I think about it I just cannot get aroused thinking about another man.....So now you are thinking OH NO! Well don't worry. Fantasy stuff is ok with me and even getting into bed with you and Dave is ok. But I don't think I would be able to do the things you want. The one thing I really do not want is to have embarrassed Dave in any way. I know he shared (through you) something with me (his desires) that if not accepted could cause him embarrassment and pain......So you gotta understand I do not think badly of Dave. To the contrary I am flattered and I have nothing but good feelings for Dave, he is my friend you see, and that has a tremendous value to me. A lifelong value. The reason I am mentioning all this is I do not want to lead you on onto thinking what you wrote in your story might really happen.....You will say it is just a story, but I say it is more than that. It is your way of introducing me to (or sharing) your fantasies about me. Sort of testing me to see if it will fly with me. Well like I said it all sounds very hot and sexy in the story but I just cannot see myself where your story leads......So now you are thinking how will Dave react to this? He has shared this secret with me and I have not accepted it as you had hoped Don't worry. OK? Like I said I will not betray your trust and friendship. It is still my goal to get out to Hawaii and spend some time with both of you. :) You are my friends! To top it off I had this very vivid dream last night that I was in bed with you and Dave, you know I was being with you and Dave was right there right next to me. I was looking him right in the face and he was smiling with that big grin of his and laughing. I really felt a sense of relief when I saw his smile. He was really ok with just seeing us together. I was so hot in this dream being with you.....I woke up really aroused and breathing hard. It was really funny because like I said it was really vivid and detailed unlike most of my dreams. I want you badly. I need you badly. I miss you more than I can say. Lover Guy July 5, 1999 . My darling dearest lover man - I found my hand held tape recorder today. I took it with me when I went out on my own for awhile and you kept me company while I re-discovered the island. I had fun just rambling on to you. I won't edit it, and in doing that, I will be sending you an example of the slightly askew lover you have found yourself with. :) I was thinking about you today as I fell asleep to take a nap. I lay there naked on my bed, and I pulled my pillow close to me, holding it with my hand resting as if across your chest, nuzzling my face to it as if against your sweet sweaty body, feeling your arm under my head and your hand cradling my back. I felt David slide in bed against my back and I pressed my ass into him as his hand ran up and down my leg. I drifted off to sleep and your body, so strong and sexy, grew more solid in my arms. I looked up to see Dave walking to the other side of the room as your hand tenderly lifted my chin up to face you. You looked at me so lovingly and your beautiful blue eyes sparkled with the mischievousness of a little boy about to get in trouble. :) You moved your head down to softly kiss my lips. As our lips met, I was overtaken by a hungering need for you. We moved together and our bodies became entwined, pressed breast to breast as your yearning mouths devoured each other in the longest, slowest, wettest kiss ever known. I felt my wet pussy drawn into your hips, your hardness against me, and the warm drops of you dripping into my waiting lips. My need for you is so strong, so overpowering, I feel my pussy tremble at the thought that I will soon have you inside me. You lift up on one elbow, looking down into my face as my breath comes to me hard and quick. You lift the sheet that partly covers my naked warm body, slowly and so seductively. I giggle as watch you, thinking of how quickly our lovemaking can turn from erotic warmth into wild passionate lust. As you smile back at me, you glide your hand down my body, reaching my smooth cunt as I lift my hips to meet your electric touch. As usual, my legs have parted for you without my even realizing it. You lower your soft lips to me, your voracious tongue moving more eagerly than your lips, as if with a mind of its own. Sighs from my gasping mouth only serve to increase your appetite. You devour me with increasing zeal, lapping at the flow of juice you draw from me, nibbling at my hardening clit, sucking on my swelling pussy lips. My back arches and your hand moves under me, holding me up and pressing me into your face. I feel your other hand move between my legs, your fingers finding their way to my soft slit, contrasting your rapacious mouth with their slow soft strokes from my tender as to my dripping cunt. As your tongue enters me, the tip of your finger urges my ass open to accept it. The tension mounting within me is intense. And the feeling is heightened as you sit up and look into my eyes, licking your lips and turning your finger inside me to allow your hand to cup my cunt in your big strong hand. You push your thumb into my cunt and ease the finger in my ass even deeper, pressing the two together inside me and caressing my hidden button at the same time. AS you move up my body and suck at my hard nipple, I cum into the palm of your hand, honey flowing from me and covering the bed beneath me. Quickly you withdraw your hand and, licking your fingers, move on top of me and slide your beautiful prick into my waiting hole. Your face over mine, I open my mouth and you put your hand to my lips. With your mouth to mine, we suck from your hand as you enter me with the full length and breadth of you. We kiss and your hands go to my hips. You clutch me to your body, burying yourself in me as my starving pussy draws on you and massage you as I know you want. "What a good little girl" you whisper while you kiss and lick my neck. "What a good pussy you've got. Good girl, suck my cock with your pussy." "Yes, sir" I gasp as rivers of convulsion begin to course through my body. My hips grid harder onto your expectant cock, feeling you swell even further inside me. You ease in and out slowly at first, laying your gorgeous body atop mine. As my tremors start to mount, you sit upright and lift my legs over your shoulders, bringing a loud cry from my depths. Your luscious prick throbs to the final point inside me, deep within and as the thrusting increases, I cry out to you, reaching up for you. You pin my hands over my head and tell me, "Don't be a bad girl. Cum for me again." And your free hand swats my uplifted ass, giving me the final nudge over that cliff of insanity. I cum on your swollen cock, wave after wave rocking my body, bringing vibrations to the head of your rod deep within my hot, wet darkness. Quickly and without warning, you turn me over and pull me onto my knees, your hands on my hips now and firmly holding me on your cock. You fuck me with fervor as I feel you grow and harden even more. Now swat after swat is landing on my already sensitive ass, and the quivers you are causing are for you as much as to keep my orgasm rolling. With each spank you land on my reddening cheeks, you feel the shaking on your own body. I love this power you take when we are together. This control you both have and give at your will. You make me feel a part of you and a piece of your happiness. As you lean across my trembling body, you bury yourself one last time and as you cum in me you whisper "I love you good girl". You and I collapse together, your huge cock still inside me and I feel your breath against the back of my neck. This is my favorite moment, maybe. The single moment that I get to smile and realize the power is not all yours.:) As I woke in this state of exhaustion and heightened senses, I smiled, knowing I will have you by my side, in my bed, in my pussy, in my arms again sooner that we thought. I adore you my gentle giant. I want you . I need you. I miss you. I will have you. I love you. Little Bean July 11, 1999 Bye the way the story you sent me made me cum 3 times:)~........I want you badly. How soon can you come back? I am sending your oak and berries......Love guy... My Love, my heart, my friend, As I sit here alone tonight, feeling the warm wind brush over my skin, my soul trembles with visions of your mouth near my neck, your breath touching me with the heat you alone can bring. I feel as if I walk around in another existence, and somewhere , on some other level, there is a part of me with you wrapped in an embrace always. When I close my eyes, I can see you there, your tender eyes gazing into mine. I can feel the touch of your fingers and hand on my face as you move your mouth over mine, kissing me to the very depths of my being. I can feel my body melt into your arms as you hold me so close and gently caress me. I feel the peace you bring me with my head on your shoulder kissing your neck and ears. I live daily with the thoughts of you next to me, like my own silent guardian against despair and loneliness. You take my hand and lead me through the battlefield of my every day, and remind me that I am loved and wanted and worthwhile in that place for the 2 of us. The pictures of you in my mind roll like an endless loop of film, the sunshine through the window as we drove along at sunset, the way your smile pulled me to you and your arm always found its way around me. The feel of your hair as I nuzzled into you and the taste of your sweat when I kissed your neck. Every detail comes to me when I close my eyes, and I see you, so tall and strong, holding my hand as we walked along after dark on those unfamiliar streets. I see you sitting at the end of my bed looking at me so intently that very first night, and reading your thoughts like a book. I remember the first feel of your lips, the strength of your hands, and the softness of your words. I remember the moment I first felt you inside me and the blinding light of sheer bliss at that moment. I remember feeling no fear for the first time in my life. With you. You make me feel strong and safe, young and wise, magical and unknowing, simple and profound. I can see walking off the airplane into your waiting arms someday. I can taste your kiss, like sweet water from the fountain I have been kept from for my whole life. I want to giggle and gasp with you, laugh and scream, sleep and wake. I want to take you from these things that trouble your heart at times and try with all the life in me to give back even a little of the wondrous joy you have given me. I want to rest your head on my breast and feel you sleep against me. I want to be the friend you need and the lover you want. I want more than anything to join that other part of myself that always is making love to you. I want you to be in my arms. I believe there will be a time when I am once again in your arms. I know that thoughts from so great a distance can hurt as if a knife is slicing through you. There are moments I think I can hear you talking behind me. But then I turn and it is nothing but the wind. I have come to feel the wind is your messenger to me, often bringing to me the touches you send. So when I hear you standing behind me I close my eyes and lean into you, letting your big strong arms engulf me and hide me away in the safety of you. You are my safety in the storm, my refuge, my truth. You do not lie to me or mislead me, you want nothing from me other than me. And you allow me to want you. When we made love, you knew what I wanted and needed more than even I did, I think. You played my body and heart like a concert musician, eliciting tones of music and harmony from me I never knew existed. And when I moved over you, I felt I had known your skin all of my life. I felt attuned and connected to your being instantly, never questioning myself, simply hearing your body guide me. You made me feel like your lover, made me feel like I was the lover you needed and had wanted for so long. You brought to life in me a person that had not been there before, and she is only there for you. Even before we touched physically, you made me feel wanted. You made me feel like a real friend, special and irreplaceable. You opened up to me and listened to me in return. You wrote me words of such passion and feeling, charged with parts of you bursting to express them. There are letters you wrote to me that I keep in my wallet and have never shown anyone. Nor do I intend to ever show anyone. I hear secret parts of you that I believe you are not very free with. I am so honored that you allowed me in to share some of that with you. You have made me smile and ache for you. You have shared with me something valuable and special inside yourself, and that is something I would never dishonor. I pray with each magical working for your spirits to bring you closer to a place of peace, to enable you with the strength to believe in yourself the way I believe in you, to ease your restless mind and show you the magnitude of your own powerful being. I thought that the feelings I have for you would be put away over this much time. They have not. I feel more for you today than I did before. I understand your need to shut off any intensity between us, just for your own sanity. As you once told me, you are rouge by nature and this normal life does not come to you easily and without discipline. So I can see how I am not an easy addition to this disciplined life you are maintaining. But I cannot escape my feelings. This thing with you...I cannot escape it. I want to just sit by your side naked and soul-bare and talk to you. I want to listen to you again and feel your weight lighten. I want so much to be able to be the friend to you that I know I can be. I want to just be with you. But wanting can be a hard thing. And I know you have spent time weighing the price of letting yourself want me. For any pain my being has brought your life, I am truly sorry. But for me, the final analysis always comes out in your favor. The things you bring my life are not exchangeable, replaceable or on display. The circle which is you and me fits in my life where I choose to put it, in the center of my heart. I know you hold me there as well, dearest love. And I will be in your heart forever and longer. Quiet as a mouse, and only yours. I will always be ready to listen to you, to share with you, to accompany you when you need distraction from life. I will think tonight of sitting on the bed as you stand next to me. Opening your pants and sliding them down your legs. Lifting off your shirt as you lean over me. Lying back on the bed feeling your body press down on top of me. Rolling over with you and laying you on your back, moving with gentle kisses down your body to your gorgeous cock. Taking your cock in my hands as I slide 2 fingers behind your balls and wrapping my lips around your head. Sucking and nibbling you the way I need to and taking hours devouring you. Sliding my wet pussy on your leg as I taste drop after drop of your sweet clear precum. Licking up the vein on your long shaft and again encircling your hard prick with the whole of my mouth. Tasting you cum down my throat as I suck every drop of you out. Feeling my mouth work you into hardness again as I lick the last of you from my lips. Feeling you make love to me. This is how I will fall asleep tonight, my gentle lover. As I do every night. And I find......that I still am in love with you. Yours, Bean July 27, 1999 My big strong Lover & Friend- First of all let me tell you that I realize you are incredibly busy right now. It is amazing that you are standing at the end of the day. You are most likely exhausted, not just physically but probably more so mentally. Remember, I am married to one of you "levee" types. :) One as obsessive, compulsive and perfectionist as you. And I loved every minute of it. The levee that is. So I am fully aware of the demands on your time and attentions right now. I want you to know that I don't want you to feel those demands from me. Right now you have a lot of commitments and obligations that have deadlines and demands. On the other hand, you and I have no deadlines and there is nothing so important it can't wait a while. Like I told you before, I will wait as long as I have to to get back into your arms. And I would rather it not be with you feeling I had in any way interfered, interrupted or even bothered you when you are in a position requiring 100% of your professionalism and integrity. I would rather I be the thing that you take time for because I give rather than take from you. All I ask from you is that you take care of yourself, sleep enough, eat right, and smile into my eyes as my friend when we see each other. I want you to feel some measure of safety in my arms to be whoever you need or want to be with me. The only way that will be reality is if you don't feel that I am invading your life. I want to be a choice for you, not another chore or responsibility. I am your friend and I have a feeling that right now that is not how I am coming across. I tend to get over run by emotions sometimes. I wish often times I could shut them down, but I think that is just part of what makes me ME. Wanna know something? I am feeling VERY VERY VERY guilty that I never cooked for you. Never brought out that dinner to the site like I promised. Weird, huh? So, what is the point of this letter? I guess to give you a chance to get off the hook, if that is what you need. Maybe to tell you that it is perfectly ok to tell me, "Don't call me during the day anymore. It is distracting and I really don't have the time to change gears like that in the middle of everything." Maybe to tell you that you don't have to say that, but that I already know it. Maybe to try and make sure that despite my oddness; despite my Non-stop sex drive which turns its attention to you at least 10 times a day; despite all the very "unique" things about me that are at once endearing and frustrating; DISPITE all these things, to assure myself we are still friends. I want to tell you I am sorry. I know you require no apologies from me. I know you even understand most of my stuff and behavior. But I owe you an apology. For invading your time. For inviting myself in where I shouldn't have been. For assuming. I know I am thinking WAY too much here but insomnia has hit again full force and I'm back down to 2-4 hours sleep a night. And tomorrow is my big Dr.'s appointment. I'll tell you a secret.......I can't handle this. I act all tough, or giggly or grown-up or happy. But I'm a chicken shit and I am scared to death here. Letters from Long Ago Enough of that. You once told me I am a priority in your life. You called me sweetness and told me my energy helped you. You said I made you feel. I want you to know that my energy is yours until the end of time. Anything you need or want is yours without question or reserve. And you make me feel every day. But you are excused from maintaining me as any level of priority if that is what you need right now. I know the last week I have not had very good timing at all. I'm being a little dense lately. Too many things on my mind and a lack of focus on the fact that life is moving on the realm of reality all around me. You are not in the same position you were in even 3 weeks ago, much less 2 months ago. You will be again someday, sooner than I think, but right now, even if I were there, you would not have much time to spare. And most likely, not the energy to spare either. So the sum of this all is: I will write to you as I have and use these epistles to talk to you as I would if I were sitting on your lap. But I will not call you unless you let me know I can. That is going to be VERY VERY HARD for me. I am crying thinking it, but I know that is what you need. I will not send you any more text messages either. Those are as much an interruption as the calls. I just love to hear your voice so much. You inspire the most fantastic dreams and thoughts in me. But I will learn some self-control. And you will be my teacher, from afar. I will practice a little self-discipline. I am smart enough and I care enough about you to do that. And I want you to know that I am still so very awed by you. Enamored of you. Completely taken by you. I do not doubt you or any word you have ever uttered to me. I believe in you and the power you give me from my soul. Thank you for your tenderness and love. Thank you for your friendship and care. Thank you for loving me. Now if I can only live up to my potential as a good friend and give you some room to breathe. :) There will be enough time to smother you when I am laying in your arms with the autumn breeze blowing across you as you reach for me and Engulf me with your kisses. For I know that day is coming too. OK...3am...I guess I have to at least TRY to get some rest in the dark, huh? I love you my handsome man. More than you know. And I really am trying to be a good friend. Love, Your Bean August 25, 1999 My Lover, my friend, When did this strange and overpowering feeling happen? Was it in an instant, the moment your eyes locked with mine and I went into your arms? Was it when my eyes first glimpsed you, rugged and dusty, walking toward me like something out of a dream? Was it forged over time, through your wily ways and sweet words, lulling me into the peace that lay within your arms? Was it through the workings of my own mind, dreaming and piecing you together in intricate fantasy? I believe it was all these things and more. I believe we were drawn together. Had it not happened now, it would have happened at some future point in time. But the inevitability of our connection is one I cannot dispute, and choose not to question. If we were to lay our lives on the line and make point by point connections, we would find a woven tapestry bound in the colors of experience. Scattered with pictures of moments that somehow relate of complement each other. Bound with ideas and dreams that move together in a living object not to be undone by the world surrounding it. You know my mind, my heart, and my soul. You are the cloudy figure in dreams past come to reality in my present. The knowledge of my soul that you existed pulled me through times I would not and should not have survived. That we have placed the expression of this connection in sex and erotica shows me the validity in our friendship. We have been rewarded in a way for letting ourselves find each other. And you found me more than I you. You opened the door. I walked through it. You found a gateway to my power that I didn't even know I had. You are MY muse, my guide in the physical world. The place you reside inside me did not exist until you. You are neither a replacement nor a substitute for the people and things I have in my life already. You are an addition. I choose to incorporate you into this world of mine. Totally and completely. I pray the doors open for you so that you will be able someday to do so with me. I was visited last night. Very clearly. By our friends. There will be a road at which there is a path to the side. You travel this road often. You know the path. Park your truck and stop there soon. You will know the day to do this. The moon will guide you. Follow the path until you get to a spot with a seat...possibly an old stump. Sit there and this woman who leads us together will visit you. There will be a man with her as well, but I am very unsure of his message to you, or if there even is one. This decision you are currently struggling with...she will guide you. Listen to her. You know the choices to be made. She can help you see each choice more clearly. She will give you a vision if you are ready. Be patient. And open yourself as you have once before. The fear will not take you this time. Allow this and you will have resolution to this long-standing dilemma of your soul. She is hurting for you right now. She wants to help you free yourself of the burden. You have much waiting for you. Resolve this and then the rest will become. You are headed to a destiny mark. Trust in the power you hold to take you there. You are far more powerful than you realize. You are gifted. When this is done, you will know what to carry with you from this place of meeting. Show your honor to this place by careful thought and choice in what you take. You will have an open door if you so choose. I am here for you and I do understand the battle inside you, even without details. I know this is all hard to believe at times. It is for me as well. But I am only telling you because I have to. And I was put in your life in a part for this reason. I can listen. If you want me to. I will write soon, with something less cerebral. I have to go clear my melon now! My head is whirling. Sometimes they bombard me from too many directions at once. But they are kind, and she loves you so much, she won't let go until it is time. I guess in that way we are a little alike, her and I. I won't let go of you either. Love, Bean December 27, 1999 My dearest lover - Friday night I sat up most of the night re-reading our letters. Mainly, I just read the letters you have sent to me. All of them. You are so incredible, so passionate, so tender, so gentle, so loving, sincere, affectionate, funny, thoughtful, insightful, empathetic, heartfelt, emotional..............my GOD!! How could I ever shirk the awesome gift you have given me of your friendship and love by not writing to you enough!!!??!?!?!? Do you know in your heart that I truly do think of you every day? EVERY day? Do you feel me at night when I am dreaming of you? When I am fantasizing about your hands and body? Do you hear me whisper to you at quiet moments when I just want the smell of your neck close? I hope this connection is still strong enough to carry all that I send to you. Sometimes I feel you so strongly in my presence that I think if you are not reaching out to me, I surely must be insane. Then you will make me feel so overwhelmed by YOU that I know you really are thinking of me at that moment. I still hear things from our friends. But I get the sense you are doing a lot more of your own listening lately so my involvement in that aspect is not as required. Am I right? You don't have to talk to me about it, that is yours. But I don't mind listening if you want an ear and heart for you to give voice to things about. I think partly we are supposed to be far apart right now because you really do have an awesome power, and I'd probably do the wrong thing in respect to that. I don't know if you'd noticed, but I can be a little pushy sometimes. (Oh, you probably didn't notice THAT...) I had a part of the Solstice ceremony for you. I knew you were thinking about me, so I believe there was some real force in that magic. Thank you for that gift as well. I have a binding I made at the same time as yours with some of your hair and mine as well as the oak and raspberry we collected together. I wear it every time I work magic. But back to Friday night..... I told you that Dave and I had talked about you all night Thursday(while trying out my new toy). Well..it carried over to Friday and Saturday and tonight. Friday was MIND BLOWING! You were so there with us that Dave just moved away from me and watched while I talked to you and made love to you. You walked in the room and saw us together on the bed. Your smile at us both made me weak. Then you walked over to my side of the bed and sat at my feet. You ran your hand from the tip of my toes to my knees and then back down the other leg. You picked up my foot and held it to your lips, kissing the inside arch and gently caressing my ankle. Then you set my foot down on the side of you to put yourself between my legs. You leaned down and kissed up my legs, first one then the other, slowly working your way up them to my thighs. You could smell the heat from my pussy, hungry for you and your touch. Teasing me, you sat up and moved from the bed to stand beside me. You lifted off your shirt and I rolled to my side and reached up to your pants, undoing them quickly and freeing your hard cock. As I lowered your pants to the floor, you leaned over me, still on my side, and held my body at the small of my back, kissing my hips and waist passionately. I kissed your thighs and legs as you pressed your strong body into me. Slowly you moved onto the bed, over me, kissing every inch of my body you could find. Your hands found my breasts and gently pinched and touched my rock hard nipples. You followed with your mouth, hot and wet, your desire invading me with your every breath. I ran my hands over your shoulders and back, up your neck, stroking your soft hair, moaning incessantly. I felt your hot cock against me, first here then there, getting harder with every moment. Drops of your sweet precum were all over me now, and their heat burned into me driving me wild. I wanted to taste you, lie you back and move you to unimaginable heights. I pressed against you, trying to move you to my will, but you were too set in your passion to be swayed. "I want to taste you first", you whispered into my ear as you kissed my neck and pressed me back down to the bed. Both your hands held my sides and moved down my body with your mouth, finding their way to the small of my back and sensually lifting my hips from the bed closer to your waiting lips. My legs went over your shoulders, still spread wide, shaking as I felt your breath on my swollen lips and clit. Your tender lips took my clit between them, tugging and sucking. You licked up and down between my pussy lips, tracing the edges of my clit. I almost couldn't take it! I reached down to your face with both hands and held your jaw as your mouth devoured me. I felt my cunt dripping for you and moved my hips to take your tongue there. As you slid your tongue into my hot hole, you pressed one thumb against my ass. I screamed out in pleasure. My body shook, wanting and needing this for so long now. I had the tremblings of my first orgasm jolting my core and you sucked my cunt with renewed fervor. I came on your face, so wet and honey sweet, and gripped your hair as I pressed your face to me to ride the wave you brought crashing onto me. You moved back up to my face and kissed me, your chin shiny and wet from me, and I kissed you deeper than I ever had. Your hands still held my back and now they were pressing my hips against yours and holding my heated pussy to your hard cock. We rolled over to your back and I moved my hips against yours, grinding against your fire and strength. I sat up on top of you and your hands held my breasts like precious orbs as I pushed and writhed on you, my hands finding your nipples also. I lifted my hips up enough to allow your prick to rise to meet me and slid myself down onto you, taking you in one smooth long stroke. I almost burst instantly from the relief of all these needs being met finally after so much waiting and wanting. But I lie down on you and you hold me close and tight as we feel our hearts beating together between our legs. Catching my breath and regaining some measure of composure, I lift my face to kiss your neck as my hips and cunt take on a life and mind of their own. The rhythms of our strokes and pulsations are moving together and rising to a slow wave crashing level as I get to taste your skin and feel you beneath me. I suck your nipples into my mouth and suck them in time to the grinding of my pussy. I feel my cunt gripping you and sucking on your beautiful cock deep inside me. I feel the head of your prick firmly rubbing the spot inside that pushes me over the edge. I rise up to ride you, to bring you with me over this edge. Your hands holding my waist as my back arches and I am overcome by the sensations you are feeding me with each heartbeat. I can't contain the cries rising from my throat. I begin cumming again and as my little pussy feeds your hungry cock I shake and shudder, safe against you, within your arms, you within me. You keep yourself buried in me as the spasms of my orgasm threaten to push you out of me. As it subsides, you roll me over again and, kneeling between my legs, turn me on my stomach. Grasping my hips and pulling me hard against you, you bring your balls slapping against my clit again and again. I am screaming into the pillow in my face and you are touching my ass and clit and cunt. You lean over my body and move your hands to my breasts again as you continue to pump in and out of me. Soon I feel your balls tighten and feel your face pressing harder as you kiss my neck. You lift up to kneel again and pull me back hard as you cum deep inside me, filling me with that warmth that I need so badly. You stayed inside me a while as I felt you get a little softer. Then I curled up against your chest as your strong arms encircled me and touched me ecstasy and eventually a little sleep. Oh to sleep in my lovers arms again!! Is this so very much to ask? All I want is to feel you want me and to be allowed to do for you anything you want or need. I'd better go for now. I will write again soon and tell you about the scene I saw with you and me and my new toy :) I do so miss you. And I do love you. I know it is hard to keep a hold of feelings when there is so much distance between us. But you told me you loved me once. All I ask is the opportunity to show you that you still can. And That I still do love you. The same as then if not more. Write me. I need to hear your fantasies again. Your thoughts. Your needs and dreams. Or maybe just your dirty thoughts of us :) Love, Your Little Bean