11 comments/ 20120 views/ 2 favorites Between the Sheets By: patientlee Author's Note: This is a fictional transcript of a fictional radio show on a fictional satellite radio station. Any similarity to actual radio shows is accidental (not necessarily coincidental). I don't listen to talk radio. I prefer hard rock and heavy metal, myself. ;-) ~~~~~ The B.S. Show on Channel 387, with host, Beau Steward and his assistant, Nick White. The following is the transcript of the, Beau Stewart's interview with Tessa Tayes, star of the new romantic comedy, Between the Sheets. July 14, 2014. (B.S. Show Theme Music) Beau: Moving right along...Nick, introduce our next guest. Nick: OK. Today we have Tessa Tayes, here to promote her new movie, Between the Sheets. Beau: So, it's a porno, right? Nick: My card says romantic comedy. Sounds like a porno though, doesn't it? Beau: Maybe it's a funny porno. Maybe it's full of fart jokes and jiggling boobies. Nick: Let's ask her, 'cause here she comes. Tessa Tayes, ladies and gentlemen, star of the new porno-comedy, Between the Sheets. Beau: (smooch) OK, Tessa. Hi. Welcome to the B.S. Show. This is your first time, right? Tessa: Hi. Thank you. Yes, this is my first time on your show. Nick: WE'RE DEFLOWERING A VIRGIN! (applause sound effect) Beau: Careful there. It's a high stool. Yeah. Tuck your legs in like that. You got some nice legs there, Tessa. Tessa: Umm...Thanks. I'm a little nervous. Thank you. Beau: It's great to have you. I have to tell you, we're looking forward to hearing about this porno-comedy. Tessa: Um...Porno-comedy? (giggle) I don't think— Beau: Yeah. Between the Sheets. Says it right here on the card. So tell us...No...I gotta tell you. Your breasts are much bigger in the movies than in person. Tessa: Hey! (giggle) Nick: Yeah, they were fuckin' huge in that other movie. What's it called? Tessa: Do you mean The Grass is Greener? Why are we talking about— Nick: Yeah. That's it. Beau: Oh yeah. Your tits were huge in that movie. Tessa: (giggle) Can we talk about my new movie— Beau: Were you enhanced for that one? Tessa: What? No. That was all me, but I wasn't even topless in that one. Why are we talking— Beau: You've heard my show before, right? We always talk about tits. Nick: And asses. We talk about asses too. Beau: Yeah. We like asses. Anyway, Tessa. Tell us about the porno-comedy. Tessa: It's not a porno, Beau. It's just a regular romantic comedy. I don't know why you keep saying that. (giggle) Beau: Between the Sheets. How can it not be a porno? You can't tell me that every male that sees that title isn't gonna assume that it's a porno. Tessa: Really? You really think that? It's not even Rated R. Beau: You thought it, right Nick? Nick: Of course I did. How could you think otherwise? Beau: OK. Here we go. Between the Sheets. Lemme ask you...How many times do we get to see your tits in this movie? Tessa: (choke) I'm gonna kill my agent for getting me on this show. There's no nudity. None. It's just a regular romantic comedy. No porn, no tits. Beau: No tits? Really? Tessa: It's about two sisters running a stationery store. They discover hidden messages in the sheets of paper, and then they fight over a guy. Beau: But the guy gets to see your tits, right? Tessa: NO! Oh my god. Beau: Hmm...I can't possibly be the first one to tell you this. This movie straight-out sucks. Nick: Sucks like crazy. No one is going to go to this movie. Tessa: What— Beau: Hidden messages in the stationery? Are you fuckin' kidding me? Tessa: You haven't even seen— Beau: No one will see it. No one. OK, maybe chicks will go. No guy is gonna go, even if their date promises them a blowjob on the way home. Nick: There are easier ways to get a blowjob. Beau: Like buying jewelry. Which reminds me. I need to pick some earrings up on the way home. OK. OK. Let's change the subject for a minute. I'm glad you brought your tits in today— Tessa: Kinda hard to leave them at home, don't you think? I thought we weren't gonna talk about my tits anymore. Beau: You've heard the show before, right? Tessa: Well, no, but— Beau: This is what we do. Right, Nick? Nick: Yep. We talk about tits. That's true. And asses, but we'll get to that. Beau: But anyway. Here's my question. You know what today is, right? Tessa: Umm...Monday? July fourteenth? Beau: Besides that. You know, right Nick? Nick: (chuckle) Yeah, I know. Tessa: Is it your birthday? 'Cause I didn't bring a pr— Beau: You are precious. (chuckle) No. No. Today, July fourteenth is my favorite day of the year. You know, you'd know this if you ever listened to the show. We've been talking about it all week. What's today, Nick? Nick: (trumpet fanfare) It's NUUUUUDE DAAAAAY! (echo effect) Beau: Tessa, it's National Nude Day. Do you live under a rock? Nick: Or in a stationery store? (laugh) Tessa: That's...That's not a real day! Beau: Google it, sweetheart. It's a real day. Nick: I'm naked under my clothes right now. Beau: (laugh) Yeah, so, listen. You need to take your clothes off to celebrate. Tessa: Pfft. I'm not gonna do that! (giggle) Beau: Sure you are. Didn't your agent tell you this? Tessa: (heavy breathing) No! She didn't. This is ridiculous. Beau: Relax, sweetheart. Your face is all red. Just take a deep breath. Nick: Jeez. Don't get all pissy. It's not a big deal. Beau: Get the girl a cup of tea, Nick. Tessa: I don't need tea. Can we please just talk about my movie so I can get out of here? Beau: Yeah. Get that tea. Make that happen. OK. I've got another idea. (door opens and closes) Tessa: I'm NOT taking off my clothes. Beau: No. No. That's not what I mean. Relax! You look so tense with your arms crossed like that. Tessa: Oh-kay. (deep breath) Beau: Instead of taking off your clothes, how 'bout you just tell us about a time when somebody saw you naked? Maybe by mistake or something? Tessa: No way! That's none of your busin— Beau: HA! None of my business, not that it never happened, huh? Tessa: Oh my god. Beau: C'mon. You know that more people will see your porno-comedy if you don't piss me off, right? (door opens and closes) Tessa: Thank you. Isn't it time for a commercial or something? I'm calling my agent. Beau: Sweetheart, this is satellite radio. We don't have commercials. Tessa: Well, then. I have to use the ladies' room. Where is it? Nick: Out the door, down the hall, and on your left. (door opens and closes) Beau: That girl is not going to get naked for us. Hasn't she ever...I mean, she should have listened to the show before she came on. Nick: Maybe she's a virgin. Beau: Ooh. Maybe you're right. How old is she? Nick: The card says twenty-five. She hasn't been doing this long. I think she was twenty when she did her first movie. Beau: Maybe she did live under a stationery store. (two male voices laugh) Beau: This is one long-ass piss. Do you think she left? Nick: She wouldn't. She knows we'd trash her on the air, right? Beau: Well, she hasn't heard the show. (door opens and closes) Beau: Good! You didn't leave us. Nick: Did you take your panties off, by any chance? Tessa: No! My god. You guys are terrible. Beau: You called your agent, didn't you. She told you to get your ass back in here, didn't she? Nick: Nobody walks on Beau Stewart, honey. Beau: OK, Tessa. Just tell us about the time you got caught naked. That's all I need to hear, and then you're off the hook. Tessa: Oh my god. This is so embarrassing. I can't believe I have to do this. Nick: Just take your time. Beau: Yeah. Tell it slowly. (chuckle) So I can enjoy it. Tessa: OK. Deep breath... (deep breath) OK. I was eighteen, and I still lived with my parents. Beau: You couldn't afford your own place? Tessa: I hadn't gotten a paid acting gig yet. I had just graduated from high school. This tea is delicious, by the way. Beau: When did you get that first gig? Tessa: About two years later, so nobody knew me yet. So this one day, during the summer, I was doing the laundry. Beau: You were a washer-woman? Tessa: (laughs) No. Laundry was my assigned chore. Beau: You still did chores when you were eighteen? Tessa: Sure. We all did. My brother did the dishes. My sister vacuumed. I did the laundry. I hated it though. Nick: Do you still do your own laundry, now that you're a star? Or do you pay someone to do it? Tessa: Oh my god. I totally pay someone. I'm telling you. I HATE doing laundry. Beau: So you were doing the laundry. Were you naked because you ran out of clothes? Were you bending over the laundry basket, putting clothes in the washer? Nick: This is the part where we talk about asses. (chuckle) Tessa: No. I was hanging clothes on the line. (giggle) In a bikini. Beau: But you had to bend over to get the clothes out of the basket, right? I like where this is going. Tessa: (giggle) Stop it! You're embarrassing me! Oh my god. (giggle) Nick: So you're hanging clothes on the line. Bras and panties? Tessa: No. Sheets. We stopped putting underwear on the line after my dad got stung by a yellow jacket that got stuck in his tighty-whiteys. (giggle) Beau & Nick: Ouch. Ow. Nick: That's fuckin' terrible! Beau: Why did you tell us that? My balls are trying to crawl inside my body! Tessa: (giggle) Hey! You asked. Nick: So was it the frank or the beans? Tessa: What? Nick: Where did he get stung? Was it on the frank or the beans? Tessa: I'm sorry. I don't— Beau: She's been living in that stationery store, remember? Did he get stung on the dick or the nuts? Tessa: Oh, I don't know. He didn't tell us. God, I hope he isn't listening. Nick: You didn't tell your parents you were coming on the show? Tessa: My agent told me not to. (giggle) Now I see why. Beau: The sheets. Let's get back to the sheets. Tessa: (giggle) So I was home alone, and I was hanging out the sheets. It was hot out, so I was wearing a bikini. Beau: Like a string bikini? Tessa: No. It wasn't very revealing. Anyways...Our house was next to this big, old house that nobody lived in for a long time. Like for years, and since my family was away for the long weekend... (pause) Nick: Oh, honey. Don't stop there. Tessa: (laugh) I hung the first set of sheets on the line closest to the flower garden. They were my parents' king-size sheets. They were a pain in the ass. (giggle) Then I hung the rest of them. They smelled so fresh and clean, I stood there for a minute, just enjoying the scent and the way the cold, damp fabric brushed against my skin when a breeze came by. (sigh) Beau: Still wearing the bikini? Tessa: (giggle) Yes, but not for much longer. (giggle) What was in that tea anyway? Beau: You are fuckin' adorable when you blush. Tessa: (giggle) I'm so embarrassed. Nick: So, what did you take off first? Tessa: I was just kind of prancing around, like a little kid, (giggle) running my hand along the sheets, and I got this crazy feeling like I should take my top off. (giggle) Beau: Prancing. I'd like to see that. Tessa: I bet you would. Do you want to hear this or not? Nick: I know I do. Go on. Tessa: I knew nobody could see me, so I just stood in the middle of the clothesline, reached behind my neck, and (giggle) untied my top. (giggle) Beau: Were your tits exposed right away, or were you, like, holding it up? Tessa: I just let it flop down, and then I unclipped the back, so it fell right on the grass. Beau: How big were your tits then? Tessa: (giggle) Same size they are now. It wasn't that long ago. Beau: You haven't had them enhanced or anything? Tessa: NO! They're all natural. (giggle) Beau: Why don't you just give us a look? Nick: Yeah. Just pull your top up for a minute. Tessa: I will NOT. I'm telling you this story instead. Stop interrupting. Seriously. What was in that tea? Nick: Just a little shot of courage, honey. Keep talking. Tessa: (sigh) I was just wearing my bottoms, and I started to dance a little bit. Beau: Was there any music? Tessa: No. Well, maybe I sang or something. I don't know. I just moved. My tits were jiggling with me, so I started jumping a little bit too. (giggle) Beau: You were jumping topless without anyone to see? Nick: That sounds like a waste. Tessa: (giggle) It felt good. It made my nipples tingle. Beau: Tell me. What color are your nipples? Tessa: Umm...Kinda pinkish. Maybe more of a rose color. Why am I telling you this? Nick: And how big are your areolae? Just show us with your fingers. Tessa: About like this. Nick: What's that, like the size of a quarter? Beau: Nah, more like a half-dollar. Just the right size to get your lips around. Were your nipples hard? Tessa: Of course, so then I kinda rubbed them against the cold sheets. Beau: Can you demonstrate the technique you used for that? I mean, with your top still on if you insist on it. Tessa: Sorta like this. Against the sheets. It felt awesome. Beau: That's fuckin' hot. Tessa: Yeah. It was. I was getting so (giggle) turned on. Apparently my new next-door neighbor thought it was hot too. Beau: In the house that was empty? Or in another house? Tessa: In the FORMERLY empty house. This couple had just moved in that week or something. Beau: So who thought it was hot? A man or a woman? Tessa: The man. I found out later that he was, like, forty years old. I happened to glance at the upstairs window, and I saw him. Beau: He wasn't even trying to hide? Tessa: No! He was just leaning towards the window with his palms on the windowsill. Hey, can I have more of that tea? That was delicious. Nick: I'm on it. (door opens and closes) Beau: So what did you do? Tessa: Well, I thought I was hidden by the sheets, but that obviously wasn't true. (giggle) I panicked. I froze and looked around for my top first. I guess I kicked it or something when I was dancing. Beau: When you were dancing or prancing? Tessa: (giggle) I have no idea. I kinda covered myself with a sheet and tried to figure out what I was gonna do. Beau: How long did you stand there like that? Tessa: I don't know, but all of a sudden I heard music coming from the house next door. He'd opened the window too. (door opens and closes) Nick: Here you go, honey. I put in a little extra "courage." Tessa: Thank you. Beau: What song was it? Tessa: What? Beau: What song was coming from next door? Tessa: Oh. I don't know. Something old. I didn't recognize it, but I guessed he was enjoying the show and wanted me to keep dancing. Beau: So you did, right? Tessa: (giggle) Yeah. I did. (slurp) Beau: Demonstrate. Tessa: What? Beau: Demonstrate how you danced. Tessa: Now? Beau: Yes, now. Dance. (instrumental music) Here. I'll dance with you. Nick: Yeah. I put the music on for you. You don't have to take your clothes off or anything. Beau: Unless you want to. Tessa: (giggle) Oh, alright. If you're gonna dance with me. Beau: There you go. Just like that. Tessa: (giggle) Enough? Nick: I'm satisfied. Beau: For now. (music stops) Beau: Alright. Continue your story. Tessa: While I was dancing, I looked up and saw the guy taking off his shirt. Beau: Was he dancing too? Tessa: No. Not really. Nick: What was he doing? Just standing there with no shirt on? Tessa: At that point, yes, but a couple minutes later, his hands were on his belt. Beau: That's ballsy. Tessa: Ha. He got ballsier. Trust me. (giggle) Next thing I knew, his pants were open, and his cock was in his hand. Can I say that on the radio? (giggle) Beau: Sure! I say it all the time. Nick: Wait. Was it hard? Tessa: (giggle) Of course it was! I'm pretty hot, you know. Nick: We'd know if you'd strip for us. (chuckle) Tessa: Yeah, right. He put his hands on his chest and nodded in my direction, like he wanted me to put my hands on my tits again. So I did. Beau: Were you still dancing? Tessa: Oh, yeah. I swayed and spun around while I pinched my nipples and rubbed my tits. I felt like a stripper. It was the sexiest I've ever felt in my life. (pause) Beau: Hmm. Did he jack off? Tessa: Yes, he did. He put his hand back on his cock as soon as I put my hands on my tits, so I guess he got what he was looking for. Beau: Can you demonstrate his technique? Tessa: (giggle) No! (giggle) I wasn't watching him that closely. Beau: OK. How long did that go on for? Tessa: I don't know. A couple of minutes anyway. Nick: This is friggin' hot. Beau: It would be hotter if she would just celebrate Nude Day the way it was designed to be celebrated. Really, Tessa. You got naked in front of your neighbor, and you won't even give us a tit flash? Tessa: Do you want to hear about my bikini bottoms coming off or what? (giggle) Beau: Most definitely. Nick: I have to tell you Tessa. You're giving me a boner here. Tessa: (giggle) I'd probably have one too if I was a guy. (giggles) Beau: You better crank this story up then because I'm the only one whose dick isn't hard yet. Tessa: Well, after he jerked off for a while, he pointed at me. I didn't know what he wanted at first, but he put his hands on the waist band of his pants and made a motion like he was pulling them down. Then he pointed at me, so I figured that he wanted to see me all the way naked. Beau: Who wouldn't? Did you do, like, a little strip tease for him? Tessa: Oh, yeah. I made it real sexy for him. Seriously, what is in this tea? Nick: How? Tessa: How what? Nick: How did you make it sexy for him? Tessa: I turned my back to him first and wiggled my butt a little bit. Then I pulled the waistband down, just a little, so he could see my ass crack. Nick: What did he do? Beau: How the hell does she know? Her back was to him. Tessa: Well, I looked over my shoulder and saw that he had pulled his pants down a little more, like halfway down his thighs. Beau: So you could see his balls, right? Tessa: (giggle) Not too well, except when he cupped them and held them out the window. (giggle) When I saw that, I turned toward him and pulled the front of my bikini bottoms down, just for a minute. Beau: Just so he could see the landscape? Tessa: (giggle) Yeah. That's one way to put it. Beau: So, what was the bush situation? Shaved? Tessa: Not in those days. I mean, I trimmed a bit, but I didn't worry about it too much then. Nick: How about now? Tessa: Now I wax. Beau: Braziilian? Tessa: Of course. My boyfriend likes it like that. Beau: Completely bare, or do you leave a little behind? Tessa: (giggle) I leave a nice, neat landing strip. Beau: Nice. So you gave him a peek at your bush. Then what? Tessa: (giggle) I'm not sure I can say this on the radio. Beau: Just say it. We're not live or anything. Nick: Yes, we are. Tessa: Well...oh my god. This is so embarrassing. (giggle) I was so turned on from having him watch, I...oh god...After I pulled my bottoms back up, I... (deep breath) ...I stuck... Beau: Stuck what? Tessa: I stuck my hand into my bottoms and touched myself. (pause) Nick: I may have just come in my pants. Beau: You're shitting me. Tessa: Nope. I put my first two fingers into my...you know...down there, and started rubbing. He was masturbating. Why shouldn't I? (giggle) (pause) Beau: So let me get this straight. You were outside, standing between the sheets on the line— Tessa: No. By then I had moved to the side closest to the house next door. Beau: OK. You were looking up at the window with your hand stuck down your bikini bottoms. That is so fuckin' hot. Nick: And he was jerkin' off while he watched you. Seriously, honey. Why won't you just take your top off for us? You're killing me here. Between the Sheets Tessa: I was young and foolish. What can I say? Now I have a reputation to protect. I haven't even done a nude scene in a movie. Beau: Yet. Keep going. How long did you stand there with your hand in your pants? Tessa: (giggle) Not much longer. He stopped again and pulled his pants down further. Out-of-sight this time. He pointed at me again, so I took my fingers out of my pussy—Can I say that on the radio? Beau: You just did, sweetheart. (laughs) Tessa: (giggle) I slipped my thumbs into the sides of my bottoms and wiggled while I pulled them down. I'm not gonna lie. I was soaking wet. Beau: Are you wet now? Tessa: (giggle) Umm. Yeah. I think so. Beau: Good. You were completely naked. Then what? Tessa: I was dying to come, and he was stroking so fast, I knew he'd come in a minute too. Beau: So you put your hand back in your cunt, right? Tessa: Can you say that on the radio? Beau: I just did. (laugh) You're precious. Tessa: Yeah, I stood with my legs apart and my fingers right on my clit. Nick: Where was your other hand? Tessa: (giggle) I was holding my left tit. Beau: Did you pinch your nipples? Tessa: I don't know. Maybe. Wow. That tea is making me say crazy things! Beau: So who came first? Tessa: Hold your horses. I'm not there yet. Beau: There's more? Tessa: The grass was starting to bother the bottoms of my feet, so I took one of the sheets off the line— Nick: Was it dry yet? Tessa: Dry enough. It was sunny out. Beau: So what did you do with the sheet? Wrap up and go home? Tessa: (giggle) No! I took it off the line, and after three or four tries, I got it spread out on the ground, near his window. (giggle) It was a little breezy. Beau: Did you have a picnic? Or what? Tessa: (giggle) No picnic. I lay down on the sheet and looked up at my neighbor. He smiled down at me with these straight, white teeth and five o'clock shadow. Except for the enormous hard-on, he looked like a J. Crew model. (giggle) Beau: What did you do on the sheet? Tessa: There was still music on, so I kind of rolled around on the sheet, like I was dancing on the ground, kind of sexy-like. The sun was so warm on my skin. I lay on my back and arched my tits way up into the air, and I took my palms and ran them over my nipples. They were so hard. Beau: Uh-huh. Tessa: I was so turned-on. Wow. Kind of like right now. Phew. Is it hot in here? Beau: It's you. Trust me. Tessa: So I rubbed my clit for a minute. Beau: Can you demonstrate how you did that? Tessa: Not on myself! Nick: No, just in the air or on that coffee mug in front of you. Tessa: I took two fingers and just swirled around, like this. Beau: Did that get you off? Tessa: Not at that moment. I put my hands down behind my head, with my palms down on the ground. My feet were planted on the ground in front of me. Then I pushed up into a back-bend. (pause) Nick: So, what was facing the guy? Your face or your bush? Tessa: (giggles) My bush. He could probably see my lips sticking out through my hair. (giggle) I can't believe I'm still telling you this. I could feel the sun on my belly and the breeze on my nipples. They were so hard. Beau: I have a raging hard-on. Nick: I've been hard since she got here. Beau: Go on. I'm gonna come in my pants before you finish the story at this rate. Tessa: Next I rolled onto my belly. Beau: With your face to the guy or your ass to the guy? Tessa: My ass. He'd already seen my face. So I got up on my hands and knees. Are you jerking off under the desks? Nick: I'm not gonna lie. I am. Beau: Just keep talking, sweetheart. Pretend we're not even here. Tessa: I was on all-fours, and I leaned down and rested my tits on the sheet. I felt that little breeze wafting over my back and my ass, giving me goosebumps. My head was turned to the side against the ground, and I could just barely see him over my shoulder, looking down on me. (pause) Tessa: And then I spread my legs apart so he could see between them. My pussy was open and my asshole was exposed to him. Can I say asshole on the radio? (heavy breathing) Tessa: Beau? (heavy breathing and a rapid squish sound) Beau: Just keep talking. (grunt) Tessa: (giggle) I put my left hand on my ass cheek and pulled myself open wider. My fingers reached under to rub my clit, and I really let loose. (heavy breathing and rapid squishing) Tessa: I started moaning and bucking my hips against my hand. I was so close. I was waving my ass in the air, knowing he was watching. I could see how fast he was pumping his cock. (grunts of two males) Tessa: All of a sudden, he started moaning and yelling louder than the music, and he was coming. I felt one drop of something wet hit my ass cheek and start running down toward my asshole. One more drop hit my shoulder, and I knew he had just ejaculated from the second story window onto my body. (loud, rhythmic grunting and squishing) Tessa: I turned my head a little bit and saw a couple of spots of his cum all over my parents' sheets. I knew I should wash them again, but I knew that I wouldn't. That thought drove me right over the edge, and I came so hard. I was moaning and cursing. Shit. It was hot. (heavy breathing and male moans) Tessa: Are you guys even listening to me? Beau: Yeah. Yeah. (heavy breathing) We're listening. (slower breathing) Tessa: Did you just come? Beau: It was a big fuckin' load. That was the hottest fucking thing I've ever heard. Tessa: (giggle) Oh my god. I can't believe I just told you that. I can't believe you guys just did that. I'm so embarrassed. (giggle) What the hell is in this tea? Beau: Nick? You OK over there? Nick: Yeah, boss. Just cleaning up. Beau: Ladies and gentlemen. Tessa Tayes, star of the new porno-comedy, Between the Sheets. I gotta go buy some earrings. Tessa, come with me. I'll buy some for you too. You earned 'em. (B.S. Theme Music) ~~~~~ Thanks to beta readers MSTarot and ILienBagby. I always appreciate the assistance.