13 comments/ 38011 views/ 71 favorites The Love That Just Couldn't Be By: MonsterGirl Starting my first year of college, I never knew things would change so drastically from how they were at high school. Back at my high school, no one really spoke to me, or even acknowledged my existence. I guess I couldn't blame them, no one wanted to speak to the lesbian. You see, most people think that homosexuals are just sex- hungry people that can't keep a relationship. That wasn't true at all. Being 18 years old, I had only went as far as making out. I had always been afraid of getting hurt in a relationship, so I distanced myself from others. I had yet to find someone that was worth giving my all too. I mean, I had experimented with some friends in the past - but nothing serious. Coming to college, I really wanted to start living life. My first week of college was fine. I got along quite well with my roommate - who was extremely fit. Although we never became close friends considering our classes weren't at the same time - making us never see each other. It also didn't help that she spent every weekend at home, leaving the room to me. It was almost as if I lived alone. My roommate never fully moved in. She just brought enough clothes and food to last the week and went back home. Any snacks she left behind after the week, she gave to me - so I wasn't complaining. The college I attended, made it mandatory that you must live on campus the first year. It almost made me feel bad that she was forced to share a room with me, even though I knew it wasn't my fault I didn't have much of family nearby. I chose this college because it was almost an hour away from home- which made me happy. My family was never thrilled about me being a lesbian. So I figured if I could attend college far from home, I can freely express my sexuality without any worry. One night I was walking back to my dorm from my last class. I felt quite a wave of loneliness hit me. Being far from home, and having an invisible roommate, left me alone a lot. I shouldn't beat myself up though, I was bound to meet some friends. While still thinking, I made my way down Cretan Circle and found myself lost. I had only been in college for about two weeks at that point and didn't have much of a chance to get used to all the parks and roads. I really felt helpless at that point. There was no one around and I had no one to call. So I proceeded to sit down on a bench located in the circle. It was getting dark out and I didn't exactly feel safe. It was at that moment, I could hear footsteps coming closer to me. I began to become extremely frightening. 'What if someone is going to rob me? Or even kill me?' I thought to myself. I held my breath and then finally let out a gasp of relief when I saw it was one of the girls from my Chemistry class. She was about 5'6", quite thin with mid-length black hair, glasses and green eyes. Her name was Zoey, if I'm correct. She was dressed in tight blue skinny jeans, and wore a V-neck band shirt. Zoey was actually quite attractive, even though we had never actually spoke. I could use a good friend. "What brings you here at this time of night?" She said to me. "Um. You see, I'm kinda lost." I said in embarrassment. Zoey then proceeded to reach her hand out to me, signalling for me to grab her hand & get up. "What's your name?" she asked me. "It's Veronica. I already know your name - it's Zoey." I said, as I hoped I didn't sound creepy. "How do you kno-" she began to say. "We're in the same Chemistry class. I always hear Mrs. Bykovser asking if you're coming to school or not, because you're always late." I quickly blurted, but also said in a humorous way, trying to save myself from becoming a permanent creep in her mind. I was making a new friend, I didn't want to fuck that up already. "Oh, yes I believe I recognize you now. We'll have to chat more in there." Zoey suggested. "Oh yeah, definitely." Zoey sat down on the bench next to me and we spoke for a few moments. She didn't acknowledge the fact that I was lost and it was becoming quite dark. Oddly, I didn't mind because I really enjoyed her conversation. We both agreed to become lab partners, since neither of us knew anyone in that class. After a few minutes our conversation was cut short. Well, as much as I'd love to help you, I really have to get back to my dorm." She said. "Agreed. And no, really it's fine. I'm sure I can-" But she cut me off. "You didn't let me finish, dear. I would love to help you, and yes I do really need to get back to my dorm. So why don't you just come crash at my place for the night. And in the morning I can help you back." She suggested. I was actually quite surprised. I had just met her. "Are you sure you're okay with that? I mean, really I'll be fine. I don't even have anything to change into." I said. "I don't mind. You seem like a cool girl. I usually let my friends stay at my dorm if they don't feel like walking across campus. I don't have a roommate so I can basically do whatever I want. You can borrow a shirt or something. It's getting late and it wouldn't be safe for you walking around, even if you did know where you were going." She said. "That's so kind of you, but I have homework to do." I said to her. "It's Friday, you have a whole weekend to get it done. Just come on, we can watch movies and play video games." Zoey said with a smile. She really seemed sincere. "My roommate has plants that need watering and she goes home for the weekend." I lied. Well, only partly. I just wasn't sure how I felt about hanging out with Zoey so soon. I really liked her, but I didn't want to mess up our friendship already. "Look, kiddo. It's getting dark and cold out here. So either you willingly come back to my dorm, or we'll be standing here all night." She said sternly. "Look Zoey, it's awfully nice of you to invite me back to your dorm. But I really should be getting-" but I couldn't finish my sentence. At that moment Zoey had grabbed my backpack that still lay on the bench and began running with it. "If you don't follow me, you'll never see this again!" She said with the biggest smile on her face. I had no choice, I began to run after her. I had chased her until we both reached her dorm, both of us gasping for air. "That wasn't very nice." I said with sarcasm. I secretly was glad she had done it, or she would've never gotten me to leave that circle. "Well, I wasn't about to let you find your way home and end up getting killed. And I was not about to let myself freeze to death making sure you would make it somewhere safe for the night." she replied, being serious. Zoey unlocked the door and we entered her cozy dorm. In there she had a medium sized bed, small flat screen television, two dressers, purple couch, and a desk where her laptop was located. It seemed like a lovely place to stay. She also had a bunch of band posters around the room. It smelled absolutely wonderful in her there. "Just set your stuff down wherever and I'll grab you something to change into. You're just a little bit smaller than me, so you should fit into basically whatever." Zoey said. Zoey had a great looking body. She was about had long legs, a curvy but fit stomach, a cute ass and I'm assuming probably C sized breasts. It made me wonder if she liked her appearance. I don't how someone like her couldn't. She was right though, I was a tiny bit smaller than her. I stood at about 5'5", around 120 pounds and my stomach was thin and flat. I had long blonde hair with green eyes. My breasts weren't huge, but my ass was quite an attraction. I remember walking down the halls in high school and would have guys smacking my ass. Speaking of boys, It made me wonder if Zoey had a boyfriend, it seemed that way. I only assumed that because she had a red teddy bear on one of her dressers that looked like some kind of Valentine's day gift. I had never received anything on Valentine's day. Well at least, nothing with a loving meaning behind it. "Here you go, V." Zoey handed me a pair of comfy looking shorts and a big T-shirt that read 'The Golden Age of Grotesque.' On it was a man with dark black hair and much make up. It appeared comfy. "The bathroom is right over-" as she went to point she saw I was already in the process of changing and had my shirt halfway over my head when she looked. "Oh shit, sorry." Zoey said as she looked away. "No, don't apologize. I just didn't see much point in going into the bathroom. It's not like I'm getting naked." I heard her giggle. "Sorry." I added. I felt bad. I should have been more respectful. She probably didn't want a half-nude girl changing right in front of her. I finished putting on the clothes then rested my stuff on the couch. "So if you don't mind, I was just going to finish up this homework then watch a movie." Zoey said - breaking the silence. "That's fine with me. What movie did you have in mind?" I had hoped it wasn't anything scary, I hated horror movies more than anything. I guess I tried to keep myself away from those things, considering I was alone a lot. "Well, I don't want to bore you, so how about a horror movie?" she immediately said. It was like she already had that in mind. If so, why did she ask for my opinion? I couldn't tell her that I was scared of a few monsters and a bit of blood so I just agreed. Zoey finished up the work in a matter of minutes. She then signalled me to come sit with her on the bed. "You didn't think I was going to make you sit all over there by yourself, did you?" she looked me right in the eye when she said that. "Well, I just didn't know if me being so close, would make you feel awkward considering we've just met." I was being quite honest. "Don't think like that. I consider you a good friend already. I feel as if I can trust you, you're cute and I like being around you." Zoey said to me. "Thanks." I replied with a smile. She had just called me cute. Was she saying this in a friendly way or did she mean something else by it? As we watched the movie, I began to tense up. Zoey had turned the lights down, and this was quite a terrifying movie. It wasn't long before it had me screaming and hiding my face behind Zoey. She had actually giggled at my actions. But then she could tell that I was really getting upset. "V, are you okay? I can turn it off. I have plenty other movies that we can watch." Her tone made me sense that she felt bad, which I didn't want. "Nahhh, I'm cool." I lied. "It's just it's been awhile since I've seen a good horror flick. I love watching stuff like th-" but then another horrific scene occurred and I found myself screaming yet again. Zoey got up and turned the movie off, and then walked over to a lamp and turned it on. "I'm sorry. I'm lame. It's just I'm always alone... so I don't like to ...scare myself. I mean I don't..scare myself. I mean, things scare me..I mean-" I shut up. I didn't know what to say. So I just looked down and played with my hands. "Dear, stop worrying. It isn't a big deal. I've seen that movie like five times, I was getting bored with it anyways. The only entertainment I had was watching you get all worked up over it." She looked at me with a cute smile and pinched my cheek. -This is the part of the story where readers think Zoey and I worked our way up to becoming intimate, but that wasn't quite the case. Actually, quite the complete contrary.- "Now, tell me more about yourself." Zoey said. We began to talk throughout the night and I really opened up to her. I spoke of how I had never allowed myself to get close to others, for I was afraid they would leave me. She had told me that she had a lot of serious friendships, but no real relationship. She confided to me that she always attached herself to anyone she could because she never had many people in her life. That made sense, considering she wouldn't let me go home tonight. After speaking to her about such personal subjects, for what seemed like hours, we both ended up falling asleep in her bed. I woke up that morning to find Zoey laying on me. She had her left thigh on top of my legs and her hands were both curled up beside her. Her head rest gently beside my left arm. It was obvious that she shifted this way during her sleep, but I didn't mind. I glanced at her clock which informed me that it was already eleven in the morning. Thankfully, it was Saturday and neither of us had class. I layed there for what seemed like a lifetime, just thinking. A little time later, Zoey's eyes began to open. She quickly realized she was on me and sat up, "Sorry." she mumbled. She looked back at me with loving eyes, "What would you like to do today? Perhaps go to lunch or something..? I'm quite busy the rest of the weekend." "Yeah, that sounds lovely." I smiled. "But I don't have anything to wear. Unless you want to meet up for dinner sometime this week instead." I rather have a long evening with her then a brief lunch. She sat there thinking for a moment. "Hmm, yeah I suppose dinner would be better." she decided. "Let me give you my number and I'll call you this week." "Okay." I smiled. And so with that I changed back into my clothes from the day before and Zoey lead me to her car where she drove me to the entrance of my dorm section. When I arrived to my dorm I realized that all of my roommates stuff was gone. Although we weren't close, I really wondered what had caused this. Usually when she left for the weekend, she at least left her books, stereo and a few boxes of personal items here. But they had all vanished. I decided to ring her and find out what had happened. After a few rings, she answered. "Hello?" "Hey, Jasmine. Is everything okay?" I replied. "I figured you would call. You see, I'm having some family troubles and I just couldn't handle going back and forth so much when I'm dearly needed at home. So I'm transferring to Trumbull instead. Sorry I couldn't say goodbye." She didn't seem sorry. We barely spoke as it was, so it didn't bother me. After finishing up the conversation with Jasmine, I took a needed shower. I realized that I had Zoey's scent on me. It smelled wonderful. It almost made me not want to shower. As I made my way into the bathroom, I took a good look at myself in the mirror. Did Zoey find me attractive? Was Zoey even bisexual - or maybe even lesbian? I wasn't going to let it crowd my thoughts. Although it had been ages since I've gotten a true taste of attention from anyone - I didn't want to mess up this friendship. While in the shower, thoughts of Zoey really filled my mind. Just remembering her soft skin up against mine, and the way she smiled. Her laugh, was so gorgeous - it just made me wonder what she'd sound like climaxing. It turned me on. Before I knew it, I was playing with my nipples. I let the soap wash over my body as I cleaned. I thought about what it would be like - having the touch of a female for the first time. The thoughts drove me crazy. I was already incredibly wet, not much teasing was required. Before I knew, I had one of my fingers inside of me - twisting and turning. I had never normally used more than one finger, but today it just happened. Like magic, I was pumping two fingers in and out of me. I lay my back against the wall of the shower and threw my head back. The pleasure was taking over my body. I slowly began sliding down the wall of the shower as I began to climax. In and out- faster- my fingers pumped. I let out a loud moan as I could not hold it in any longer. I had never experienced such an amazing masturbation session. The only thought in my head - was Zoey. Usually my masturbation fantasies were just about random women I found attractive, not someone I knew personally. I just couldn't help but want more and more of Zoey. She was like the perfect girl. My fingers pushed deeper into my tight sex. My legs began to tense up and I bit my lip from pleasure. "Fuck." I said. My hand working furiously getting me where I needed to go. The thoughts of Zoey really began crowding my mind. I could just imagine her on top of me, kissing my neck and rubbing the inside of my thighs. That was all it took, and I had an orgasm like never before. With a loud moan, I slowed down my fingers and tried to catch my breath. After I came, I gently lifted myself up from the bottom of the shower. I washed my body for the second time, and then I finished up. Through the week, Zoey and I met up for a few hours everyday, just hanging out. Although she hadn't spent the night again, and we still had yet to have a dinner date. Normally we would watch movies, talk about life, make jokes, draw pictures and listen to heavy metal music. I loved being around her. Sadly, she hadn't passed any moves on me, at all. But I cherished the time we had together. I wasn't sure about my feelings for her. She was a great friend though. But I tried to avoid thinking about our future together. Would we remain friends after college, or be more than that? I knew bringing up the subject to Zoey would probably scare her off. Sometimes she would often talk about her sexual experiences with guys. So I assumed she was obviously straight. I did notice she always found a reason to randomly hold my hand, or hug me. Once when I was crying, she even kissed me on the cheek. She was truly sending mixed signals. I just decided I would stop thinking about it, although it wasn't easy at all. Finally weeks turned into months and you could basically call us inseparable. We called each-other every day and hung out whenever we could. Still, it seemed she tried to avoid staying the night again. Finally one day during a homework session, Zoey said "You know, how about we go out tonight? Just you and me, to dinner." I smiled at her, "That sounds lovely. Where to?" "Oh, you'll find out." Then she winked at me. 'What could this mean?' I instantly thought to myself. I mean I've had friends take me places before by surprise, but nowhere fancy and always on a special occasion. I would just have to see what tonight would bring to me. At that moment, I had no idea how tonight would affect the rest of my life. After finishing up our study session, she dropped me off at my dorm and I prepared for the evening. Half the items in my room were Zoey's, considering she always dropped by here after classes. I didn't mind, at all. I found it odd that she never asked for them back. And when she was here, she never took them with her - even if I reminded her. After calling Zoey to confirm our evening plans, I decided what to wear. Since she refused to tell me which restaurant we would be attending that evening - so I wasn't sure how to dress. Zoey was always pulling surprises on me. I tried on some jeans with a V-neck shirt, but it didn't feel right. So instead I put on a slim, black dress. It fit my body well and made my chest pop out. For once, I felt quite sexy. I was also overjoyed that I finally had a reason to wear the dress. Perhaps I could really show off my body to Zoey, whether she'd admit if she liked it or not. Nearing five o'clock, I headed outside where I saw Zoey parked in her car. She drove an SUV. To my surprise, she got out of the car, walked to the other side of it and opened the door for me. I showed my gratitude by giving her a smile. I also noticed she was dressed in a light blue dress, so I knew I had dressed appropriately. On the way to the mysterious restaurant, we didn't talk too much. It seemed as if there was tension in the air. During the ride, I went to change the radio and my hands met with hers. "Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead." Zoey said to me. "No, silly. It's your car. Play whatever you'd like." I flashed a smile. "How about we go for random?" She said as she carelessly grabbed a CD and popped it in. Before I knew it, I was listening to Nirvana. "You have great taste in music.." I complimented. I was being honest. "Thanks." Zoey smiled at me. We pulled in to a restaurant I had never seen in my life. It was absolutely huge. It basically looked like what you'd see in a romance film. We both got out of the car. Astonishingly, Zoey grabbed my hand and led me to the entrance. Her hands were so warm and gentle. If she allowed it, I would massage them everyday for her. Of course it would just be an excuse to hold her hand. I could feel my hidden feelings for her, bursting out of my heart. All of this was too much for me, on top of all her mixed signals lately. The Love That Just Couldn't Be When we entered the restaurant, lights surrounded me. Everyone there was also formally dressed. Being independent throughout most of my life, I never treated myself to such riches because I always felt as if I was wasting my money. I could tell Zoey probably came from a wealthy family. But it made me wonder why she had moved all the way out of her town to attend this college. If they treated her to such great things, why would she want to be so far from them? I guess I could relate, but my reason was probably much different than hers. Sitting down at the table, I admired the looks of Zoey. She looked quite beautiful - if only I could tell her that. Her eyes sparkled as she looked at me. "You look really stunning tonight, V." she said. I began to blush. "Thanks, love. So do you." I had started the habit of calling her 'love'. She didn't object to it, but she never said she liked it either. "You know what I realized?" Zoey said as she took my palm into hers. "You have such small hands." she smiled. "I do not." I joked. "Oh but you do, see look." She proceeded to put her hand up to mind. Without either of us trying, our hands slowly slid together. Before we knew it, we were holding hands in a restaurant. Zoey looked at me, and I looked back. She had the most loving look in her eyes. Suddenly, the waiter came by and Zoey whipped her hand back. Our moment of love was broken, and left me a little upset. After he took our orders and left, Zoey said to me, "Sorry about that. I just didn't want him thinking something weird." I could tell she seemed a little upset also. "No really, it's fine. I understand." But honestly, I didn't care what he thought of us. There's nothing wrong with lesbians anyways. Although I wondered, maybe Zoey thought there was. If she did, I'm not sure how I could even go on. So I just pushed the thought away for now. Our dinner came and we both ate quite slow, enjoying our romantic time together. If I could, I'd love to see this as our first date. But in Zoey's mind, it was nothing more than a treat to us both. I could feel my passion for her growing as the night went on, but I tried to avoid it. Besides, she wouldn't want me and I just had to accept that. Yet, the way she looked into my eyes just made my heart beat like it never had before. After dinner when we were heading to the parking lot, I saw Zoey stop. "Veronica.." she called for me. "Yes, dear?" "I think we should do this more often. Actually, let's do it again real soon." she said in a suggesting tone. "How about this, I promise that I'll take you out and surprise you just like you surprised me." I said. I probably couldn't top this evening, but I was quite a romantic ."Sounds perfect." "Hey, since you paid for dinner - how about you come back to my dorm and I make you some hot chocolate?" I recommended. I was hoping she'd say yes, I didn't want our time together to end so soon. "Well I'm not sure. I don't have clothes and what about your roommate?" It appeared as though she might've seemed uncomfortable. "I can lend you something, or better yet, we can stop at your place first. I want to make it up to you for getting so scared last night. And I don't have a roommate, so no worries." I said. "Well, I suppose it all works out then." Zoey finally agreed. We then proceeded to get into the car but before she turned on the engine, she looked at me and said, "But I rather wear something of yours." Before I could say anything, she turned on the radio and began blasting Three Days Grace. Arriving at my place, Zoey set down her items and I showed her where everything was. I put in a movie and settled down in my bed. My previous roommate had already moved her bed out, which gave me room for the couch I had in storage. Zoey seemed to have settled on the couch, which didn't please me. I wanted her close, like she had been the night before. "Come lay over here with me. I don't bite." I said to her. She looked away from the movie and said, "Ha, alright. But I do." she joked. "What if I liked that?" I said to her. I was hoping to put some kind of moves on her. "I mean, would you like to find out?" she said. At that moment she jumped on top of me. Zoey began nibbling at my neck, along with a few licks. It was all jokes until we both slowed down for a moment. I let out a small moan by accident and she rose her head. "Sorry." she said. Zoey then returned to the movie as if nothing had happened. At this point, I just couldn't take it anymore. I slowly got up, turned the movie off and turned on my small lamp. "Hey, what the heck?" Zoey said. I then sat right across from her on the bed, our faces were almost touching. "I need to speak to you." I said. I couldn't remember the last time I was honestly this nervous. "What's going on, V?" she quietly said to me, almost as if it was meant to be a whisper. "It's just, ever since I met you, I've felt so different. You make me happy, and as if someone actually cares. The moment I layed my eyes on you, I knew I had to have you." I would've said more, but I just wasn't sure how to work it. Before she had the chance to say anything, I put everything we had on the line and I kissed her. And surprisingly, she kissed back. Her lips were so soft, like an angel. I slid my hand behind her neck, feeling it's warmth. My tongue found it's way into her mouth and we intertwined them. She let out a small moan. But then that magic was broken. Zoey's lips pulled away as she said, "I'm sorry I can't do this." Suddenly, I panicked. "No, please. Don't do this. I have so many emotions for you." I tried to kiss her again but she had already found herself getting up. "We can't do this, I can't do this." Zoey panicked. "No, please! I'm so sorry. Forget it happened." My heart was pounding so fast at that moment, I thought it could have exploded. "It's best we don't speak much anymore. It wouldn't be good for either of us. I'm so sorry, V. I'll see you around. Just keep what I have here, it isn't valuable to me. Bye." Zoey blurted before she ran out the door. I was shocked. Before I could even begin to think, I was on my bed, rolled up - crying. She was the only true person who ever cared about me, and I blew it. I couldn't even breathe, my chest hurt. I wasn't even crying at this point, I was screaming into my pillow. I beat the pillow in anger, then threw things against the wall. I had to stop myself, knowing someone might get suspicious of the loud noises. So, I threw myself on the bed and cried all night. The next day, I awoke at noon. The first thing I did was call Zoey's phone. "Hello?" she said. "Zoey, please let me explain. I don't even know what happened last night. I think I was a little drunk. I'm sorry for it all. Can we just go back to normal?" In order to save our friendship, I had to lie a bit. "You didn't even drink last night. You confessed how you felt for me. And it all felt so right, and that's why I left." It sounded like she was going to cry. "Wait? If it felt so right, why did you leave? Why won't you speak to me anymore? Please, I need you." I said. At this point I had no shame, I needed her. "Girls don't belong together, it isn't right. I'm sorry. Please don't call me anymore. Bye." I could tell she began to choke up near the end. My feelings were crushed. She wanted nothing to do with me. And even if she did, she was obviously against gays. I then realized I had never told her that I was even a lesbian, nor had she mentioned any of her relationships to me either. I had hoped maybe she would get over this and things would return to normal. But at that point it didn't matter, everything was ruined. Throughout the week I had tried calling Zoey and messaging her multiple times. Eventually she had gotten her number changed. She never appeared in Chemistry anymore, so I was without a partner. As much as I tried to catch her around campus, she was nowhere to be found. I was going insane without her. My heart was broken. Each day was a drag and I just couldn't bare the loneliness the engulfed my soul. I ached for her. My body craved for her touch, as well as her kiss just one more time. I usually ended up crying myself to sleep. I even stopped eating daily. She was the only thing I could think about, and it was killing me. Finally after about two months, I decided to visit her dorm and return the items. My heart raced as I pulled in. Once I parked my car, I grabbed the box of items and headed up to her floor. I procrastinated for a moment but finally decided to knock. I knocked another time, then another. No answer. Suddenly a student passed me in the hallway and gave me a strange look. "What?" I snapped at him. I was upset at that point. "Uh, you must be knocking on the wrong door because no one occupies that room anymore." And after all this time I thought things couldn't get any worse. I began crying as hard as ever. I dropped the box and sunk to the floor, leaning against the door of the empty room. "Woah, Miss. If you're looking for someone I'm sure I can help. Just calm down." He said. He seemed like a nice guy, but I wasn't in the mood or mental state of mind. "Just go, please. You can't help me. No one can." I sounded insane, but perhaps I was at that point. After about fifteen minutes of getting estranged looks, I got up off the floor - taking the box and heading back to my car. I arrived back at my dorm and threw the box in my closet. I layed on my bed, and cried. As more months went by, things did get easier. I ended up making some new friends and even chatted up a few girls. I never brought them home, or offered them to dinner. I didn't allow myself to get personal with anyone, nor did I tell anyone about my experience with Zoey. Time passed and I found myself thinking of her less and less. My eating was back to normal, and I was at a healthy weight.Surprisingly, I didn't cry over her anymore either. After Zoey left my life, time flew by. Days grew shorter and I basically stuck myself to my schoolwork to keep my mind occupied daily. On weekends I would study and volunteer wherever I could. I never found myself in Cretan Circle again. After my second year of college, I decided I didn't need anyone to make me happy. I then decided I would just try to be happy on my own. Following all the pain I had already endured, I told myself that I would never depend on anyone for money, nice things, a house, food or happiness. Making this promise to myself, I dug myself even deeper into my schoolwork. Before I knew it, I was graduating college. Without even realizing it, it had been almost four years since I heard from Zoey. I tried not to think of her, for when I did - a panic attack occurred. So I kept my mind off of her. Given, it wasn't easy. Many songs reminded me of her and every time the fall came around - she was the only thing on my mind. During the summer after my graduation, I moved to the nearest city by my old college. I only moved there because I heard there was great work, and it was true. I received a job at a music label, producing heavy metal and alternative music. I earned quite a bit of money there and eventually bought a small house. It wasn't like I needed much space, I had no intentions of getting close to anyone anytime soon. I wanted to focus on my work. It was a bright fall day when I was heading to work. The leaves on the trees had darkened. I arrived at work and set down my coffee. "We have a new band today, they've got great sound. And if this deal goes through, money will be flowing." Jeremy said to me. He was my boss and actually a pretty cool guy. He knew I was a lesbian, and he was gay - so we worked out well. The band entered the room and I took a look at them. They had a punk-rock kind of look. The lead singer had long black hair with many piercings. But where we worked, this was normal. I really did admire the drummer though. She looked young and had short blonde hair. She had a petite figure, but gorgeous brown eyes. When she spoke, it was softy. When I watched the band perform for us, I mainly watched the drummer. She truly got into the music, and I liked that. After we made a deal with the band, most of them began packing up and leaving after scheduling another session. But, little miss blondie stayed. She walked up to me and said, "Hi, I'm Alice. I'm the drummer." she smiled. "Pleasure to personally meet you, I'm Veronica. I was actually just admiring how talented you are. I'd never seen someone play so well during a first audition." I said. "Awe, thank you. Since it's almost noon, would you like to catch lunch with me?" I wondered where this was going. But I was quite hungry and in need of good talk to I agreed. We both walked down the block to the nearest eatery. Alice and I sat down and I started up a conversation. "So tell me, what got you involved with music in the first place?" I asked. "Well you see, my whole life my parents never accepted what I wanted in life. I wanted to attend College out in the city, get my own apartment, play in a band, date girls, ride motorcy-" but before she could finish I said, "You date girls?" I hoped I didn't sound rude. "Yes.. um..is that..bad to you?" she had a painful look in her eyes. I instantly felt bad. "No! It's not, I'm actually a lesbian myself. I just never would've guessed." I said with a reassuring smile. "Oh that's so rad! But anyways, my parents never got into what I...." Alice's voice just drifted off as I was instantly distracted. In the corner of the cafe, I saw a girl with long black hair, the greenest eyes in the world, thick black glasses and a business suit on. Without words, or even a close look, I knew exactly who it was. She looked exactly as she did four years ago. This couldn't be real. All the pain that I had bottled up for years, burst into my heart and all the loving yet horrible feelings I had forever cursed, were back. "I'm sorry. Something came up. I have to go. Here, take my number. Call me tomorrow and we can grab a bite to eat or something. I'd really like to be friends." I told her. I felt bad, but at the same time I couldn't catch my breath. Before letting Alice speak, I got up and walked over to Zoey's table. Zoey was alone, drinking coffee. She was probably out like the rest of us, just trying to enjoy our break before heading back to work. I wasn't sure what I was thinking, we hadn't spoke in four years. What if she didn't recognize me, or even remember me? What if I couldn't even bring myself to speak to her? My brain was literally shut off at that moment, because I just kept walking towards her. Without skipping I beat I said, "Excuse me miss, but I believe I owe you." Zoey lifted her head from her newspaper to look at me, and we suddenly locked eyes. "Uhm.. don't...believe.. I-I-I.. know you." she stuttered. "Oh but you do know me, dear." I said as I rested my hands on table, which seemed to frighten her. "You don't..k-know.. me. Who...are..y-you?" I could tell she was scared, or at least feeling guilty. Looking back, I had no idea how I was so calm during all of this. "Oh but Zoey, I could never miss those beautiful green eyes anywhere. And I believe after everything, I still promised you dinner." I said, in the most heart filled tone. "Uhm, I have to go." Suddenly Zoey got up and ran out the eatery. I wasn't about to let her get away again, I couldn't. "Wait! Come back!" I shouted. "Leave me alone!" she replied. She wasn't exactly running, but wasn't going at a convenient pace either. She went to go get into her car, when we both grabbed the handle at the same time. "Please Zoey, stop." But I wasn't sure if she understood me because she was just grunting and whining to leave me. "Zoey!" I screamed. "STOP. I lost you once and I won't lose you again, dammit!" Then suddenly, she stopped. Zoey lowered her head into her hands and began to cry. "I'm...I'm so sorry, V." My heart fluttered from hearing her call me that again. It has been ages. "Get in the passenger side, I'll drive you back to my place so we can talk." I said. Oddly, she obeyed and got in the other side of the car. I began driving back to my house in the city. I wasn't worried about my car because it was at work. I could just catch a bus the following Monday. We pulled in and I stopped the car. I got out and walked around the side and opened Zoey's door. I could easily tell she was still crying. "Come on, love." I said. I realized I had just called her the nickname I always had. Even after all these years, she was the closest thing I ever had to love. We both walked to the entrance of my house and sat down. I made her a cup of hot chocolate, then sat next to her on my couch. It seemed like ages until Zoey collected herself and said, "Just let me leave, please." she spoke ever so soft, it was almost hard to hear. But I was angry. I wouldn't let her walk out on me again. "No, you aren't running away from me again. You ruined my life, and you ruined me as a person." I said with anger. "So what do you plan to do, ruin my life? Is that what you want? You're still hating the world over a meaningless college crush?" Her words hurt me, a lot. She had no idea what she had done to me, and I never had my chance to explain. "Don't talk to me like that. Meaningless? You meant everything to me. When you left, so did my heart. Don't act like I meant nothing to you! You can't even say that. I won't believe it. You left that night hurting just as much as I was!" I was basically screaming in her face at this point. I could feel my face was red as I tried to calm down. "We were just friends! I don't want to talk about it. This is crazy, just get over it! I..I don't even like girls. And even if I did...w-why would I want you!" Zoey screamed. I began to cry, hard. How could she say this to me? The girl I had so long broken myself over, was telling me I basically was never anything important to her. "Oh, gosh. I'm sorry, V. Please don't cry. I didn't mean it. It's just.. I can't talk about this. It's too much. You just don't get it. I have to leave." With those words, Zoey tried to get up. But that wasn't going to happen again. If she thought she was leaving me without an answer to all those years of pain, she was dead wrong. I pinned both her wrists down as I got in her face. "Tell me! Now!" I shouted. "Tell you WHAT? There's nothing else to say! You're a fucking freak!" she screamed. I tried to hold back tears and I took a breath. I knew I wasn't going to get far yelling at her. "Oh but there is." I calmly told her, I actually hated screaming anyways. "Then what do you want to know." she said. "Why did you leave? That's it. That's all I want to know. Give me a halfway decent answer and you can walk out that door and never speak to me again. Actually, even better. Give me the answer I've always craved for, you can leave and if you request so- I'll walk into my room and insert a bullet in my head so you won't have to worry about me anymore" Although I'd probably die if she left again, I was trying to be reasonable. Yet my heart was slowing breaking all over again. She paused for a moment, then looked right into my eyes and said, "I would never ask you to harm yourself. It's been a long time, but I still care. Whether you deserve an answer or not, I suppose I'll give you one. If that's what it takes for you to move on." She stopped for a second, as I could tell she was fighting back tears caused from so much emotional regret. "All my life, I knew there was something different about me. As a teen, I was never interested in guys, or even dating. I once confided to my sister, that maybe I was gay. The thought of being attracted to the same gender - was absolutely not an option in my house. So I just told her that I was joking, afraid she'd tell my mother. Since that day, I told myself as long as I never became close to any females, I'd never have to worry and I'd eventually find myself attracted to men. Throughout my high school years, my only friends were guys. I was even nominated as prom queen because they all liked me so much. I was more attracted to the girl who almost beat me, honestly." she stopped to look up at me. She could tell I was listening every single word she had to say, and wasn't just wasting her time. She continued, "I moved to a far away college, hoping to escape all the confusing thoughts I had." The Love That Just Couldn't Be I appreciated that she was deeply opening up to me, but I had been waiting years for this and I just wanted an answer. "When I met you, I just couldn't stay away. You were sweet, charming and funny. You were the only girl on campus that I had any interest in talking to. The first time you stayed, I just wanted to smother you in my arms. But I knew I couldn't do that. As time went by, my feelings for you grew quite strong. I just tried to brush them off, thinking you weren't even gay - and neither was I, I would tell myself." she took in a deep breath and then proceeded to tell me the answer I had waited for all my life. "I knew after that kiss, I was hooked. I had to leave, otherwise I put everything on the line. The more I distanced myself, the easier I could hide my sexuality and feelings, and I'd know to never get close to anyone again. I had already made the mistake the first time, I couldn't do that again. I wouldn't of be able to see your face everyday. I knew you would be asking for answers, and I wouldn't have one for you. So, I switched colleges." she paused, "You don't even know how many nights I found myself driving the full 40 minutes back to your college and ending up outside your door, almost knocking - but never did. Eventually I moved back home and finished college there. After graduation I moved to town and got an apartment not too far from here. I thought I needed a new start, but honestly, I just needed you. That's why I left. I know I can't make up for time lost, but I'll do anything I can for you to forgive me." Then came the tears, again. I sat there for a moment, taking it all in. It all made sense now, and I felt terrible. Zoey interrupted my thinking by saying, "Please, Veronica. Forgive me. I'd take my own life it you asked." The tears came ever harder at that moment. I held her while she cried, "It's okay. I forgive you. Actually, I forgave you way back. I just missed you so much it killed me. I was being selfish. I didn't understand, but now I do. You're free to go, I won't bother you anymore." She looked up at me as I finished my words. I don't think she realized how much it absolutely killed me to the core to say that. Zoey had told me the whole truth, now I had to tell her. "Zoey, I was in love with you. And..and maybe.. I still- " I could see her eyes light at up as she knew what I was going to say. "Veronica...." she softy spoke, "I'm in love with you too." I could tell it took everything in her to finally admit that to me, and especially herself. And after so many days, weeks, months and years of aching for her - we kissed. I pulled back for a moment, Zoey had a look of fear in her eyes. Before she could say anything else, I pulled her close and said, "Please, just let me have you, just for today. Even if it means nothing tomorrow, I must have you, all of you - tonight." I kissed her even harder. Zoey began rubbing her body up against me. Maybe this time, she would stay. The feeling was incredible. Finally, all the pain I had ever felt - vanished. All I knew at that point, was I loved her with everything in me. I would do anything to make her happy - if she allowed. As much as I didn't want to, I broke the kiss for a moment. "I have to show you something" I said. I got up before Zoey could object and ran to my room. I opened the closet door and began furiously digging through piles of lost memories. Finally, I found what I was looking for. With the box I needed, I ran back to the living room. "Here" I said, handing Zoey the box. Tears came to hear eyes as she realized what it was. "After all this time, you still.." her words trailed off into sobs of happiness. "They were the only things I had left to remind me of you." That was the truth. I also added, "You can have them back if you like." No matter how much I wanted to keep them, I would be much happier just having her. Zoey sat there for a moment, digging through the box and smiling. She paused then said, "You know, you have them." she then handed the box back to me. "Are you sure? I mean I'm sure you don't plan on seeing me much after this..I mean, unless you want.. I mean, you can. I guess..I mean..I don't know why you'd want to.. I mean if you want too." I wasn't making sense, just an idiot of myself. Zoey silenced me with another kiss. This one lasted longer than the first. Before I knew it, her tongue found mine and we became one. Her hands rested on my hips, as mine were wrapped around her. "I missed you." Zoey whispered into my ear, as our lips parted. "I missed you too." We kissed for a third time. After several minutes of soft kisses, I said to her, "Well I understand if you want to leave. I don't wanna keep you waiting." She didn't seem to agree with what I said because I then found her finger resting on my lip, shushing me. "I'm not leaving you, not even if you try an make me. I will never leave you again. You're stuck with me, for good, for life." As she finished her sentence, I tear rolled down my cheek. She took her sleeve and wiped it off my face. I collected myself and then said, "Promise?" Zoey looked at me with those beautiful eyes of hers and whispered, "I promise. I love you, Veronica. No amount of time with you is long enough, so let's start with forever." She then jumped up, wrapping her legs around me as I caught her. With Zoey's legs around me, I carried her to my room as we kissed. She honestly couldn't keep her hands off of me. When we reached my room, I sat her down on my bed. Zoey looked at me with love in her eyes, as I could tell this is exactly what she wanted. I slowly came up to her, and kissed her. But she was one step ahead of me. Zoey pulled her shirt off of her while still attaching herself to my lips. She tried to stand up, while also ripping her pants off - leaving her in just panties and a bra. She pushed me up against the wall and began pulling off my clothes. Once I was undressed, she took both my breasts into her hands and began kissing my neck. It felt just like the first time she had done it, many years ago. Zoey took her time teasing me, but I was already wet. I was still pushed up against the wall as her kisses trailed down my stomach. But I stopped her. She looked quite confused until I explained, "I want our first time to be special." I proceeded to take her hand and lead her to the bed. We both layed down, and began to intertwine our tongues. Zoey ended the kiss by giving me a kiss on the forehead. Then she got up on top of me. "I'm a little nervous..I've never done this.." "Neither have I." I told her. I would've probably died a little if she turned back now. But I was glad to know she was still a virgin after all this time. With both of us in bra's and panties, she resumed kissing down my stomach. Zoey then came back up to my breasts. She lifted me up a bit to unhook my bra. After a few moments, she finally got it. Blushing, she said "Sorry. I'll get better with time." I gave her a smile in return. She took a moment to gaze upon my breasts. "Damn, not only are you drop dead beautiful, you're sexy as hell." With those words to me, I thought I could explode right then. She began to focus her attention on my left breast. Her tongue flicked at my nipple until it was noticeably hard. I put one of my hands behind my head, and the other behind her head. I played with her hair as she sucked my left nipple, until it left a hickey. She then moved over to the right and did the same. Except this time, her right hand moved down my stomach - making me jump. I was beyond nervous then. Zoey's warm hand made it way to my pantie line. She tugged at it. For a moment, she her mouth released from my nipple and she gave me one of those loving looks that I cherished ever so much. I said to her, "I love you, Zoey." It made her smile. In return, "I love you too, baby girl." My heart was filled with love. I noticed at that moment that Zoey's right hand was still on my pantie line. Her left was resting near my breasts. Without any warning, she slowly began to pull my panties down. I raised my legs up to help. Once they were off, she threw them to the floor. "You won't be needing these for a few hours." she said. I could feel myself growing increasingly wet with each word. Zoey began leaving little kisses on the inside of my thighs. She starting massaging my right leg as she continued her trail of delightful kisses on me. I was getting so worked up, and I knew she could tell. Her kisses got closer and closer to my sex. Before she touched it, she looked up at me. In her eyes, I could see so many emotions. I could see the lust that craved for me. I saw the love that she wanted to fill me with. I saw the hunger in her eyes, as she craved for what we both waited so long for. Before I knew it, I could feel Zoey's tongue making circles around my clit. I grabbed the bed sheets with my hands. I had always imagined what a girls tongue would feel like on me, but I never thought it would be this good. She shoved one finger in me, I let out a moan. Her tongue was still flicking at my clit. Her finger pumped faster. She then shoved in another finger. She went faster and faster. Her mouth sealed on my clit and she started sucking, while flicking her tongue on it. I was breathing faster. My head was back and my mouth parted open. She continued going faster and faster. She then took both fingers out of me and I watched as she sucked them. Then she started giving my clit little licks. I started bucking my hips forward, signaling that I needed her touch. She continued to tease me for several minutes until shoving her whole tongue in me. "Ohhhhh, fuckkkk!" I said. Words couldn't describe what I was feeling. Her tongue fluttered inside of me. My legs began to stiff up, and my breathing became very heavy. Her tongue was probing in and out of me. She licked every single spot that made me moan even louder. "Fuckk..yes.." My breathes became high pitches moans that grew louder and louder with each swirl of her tongue inside my hot pussy. "Fuck...deeper...oh..oh yes.. fuck me!" Zoey obeyed my request. Her tongue plunged deep inside me. I threw my head back and screamed in complete pleasure. She licked me through the orgasm, her hands rubbing up and down my body. I was shaking from how hard I had came. "You taste so good, I can get used to this." Zoey said as she climbed on top of me and planted a kiss on my mouth. For the first time ever, I tasted myself. I was still recovering from my rough orgasm. "Are you sure you've never done this before?" I said, still trying to fully retrieve my sense. "Yup. Complete virgin. So don't be surprised if I'm tight." With those words, she took my hands and put them on her hips. We kissed for several moments as my hands explored her body. As our tongues danced, I unhooked her bra easily. Her breasts were everything I dreamed about. They were perfectly round, with dark pink nipples. I grabbed her breasts as our kissing became more intense. She started lightly grinding against me. Our bodies were so close, her body heat was rubbing up against me. It was already hot in the room, which helped set the mood. I concluded our kiss and wasted no time in the process of deflowering her. She climbed me a bit, so her breasts were directly in my face. I didn't need further directions. I took a breast into my mouth and sucked. I felt her body shake at my first touch. "Mmm. Oh yes..." she said. I switched back and forth between breasts, both very hard. "Get naked for me. I want to see you, before I taste you." I asked in a soft tone. "Anything for you, my love." With that, Zoey got up off the bed and pulled her panties off. She did a full body turn for me, while also playing with her own nipples. Her pussy was noticeably wet. "Do you like what you see?" Zoey asked. "I love it. Now get over here and let me get a taste of that." She got back on the bed and layed down next to me. Now it was my turn to be on top. I gave her a simple kiss on the lips, and then I began the experience of a lifetime. I started by planting kisses all over her. First starting with her face, which made her giggle. I also played with her hair, which she liked. She let out that old familiar laugh of hers as I left kisses on her neck. She was sensitive, because most of my touching tickled her. I loved it. I started kissing down her arms until I reached her breasts. I took them in my hands and massaged them. She responded by closing her eyes and biting on her lip. I then kissed down to her belly button. My hands caressed her sides as I went down. She would flinch every now and then, because it tickled so much. I kissed down her thighs and nibbled on her toes. I could tell she loved it. Every so often she would let out a small moan to let me know I was doing good. When I finally reached her soaked pussy, I paused. I wasn't going to use my fingers at all, not even if she begged. This was my first time, I wanted to taste her the whole time. I had butterflies in my stomach, for the first time in so long. I let my fingertips rub the top of her thigh, arousing her even more. I inhaled her scent deeply, which made me even more hungry. I first licked her entrance, but was careful not to go inside of her yet. I kissed her clit multiple times. I swirled my tongue around, feeling her get much more wet. Before entering, I looked up at Zoey. She was watching me, while rubbing her nipples. I licked my lips, then went in. In return, Zoey let out a long moan. I had waited so long for this moment, I was going to take it slow. I explored her pussy, finding out what made her gasp and moan. Certain spots made her jump in pleasure. I would pull my tongue out, lightly suck her clit, then go in hard. I did this for several minutes. She became so wet. While in the midst of eating her, she said to me, "Oh baby, make me cum. I've waited so long for this. I need you." I inhaled her scent just one more time. I then plunged my tongue deep inside her. By then, I knew which spots were the best. My tongue went crazy inside her. I went deeper and deeper until my lip was vibrating against her clit. I felt her hand grab my hair as I was riding her to an orgasm. At first it seemed she was trying to hold back any noises. But I wouldn't have that. So with my hands, I grabbed her ass and dug my tongue even deeper into her. This time I received the reaction I was waiting for. "Veronica, ohhh.. ohh yes. Harder, harder. Mmmmm." she squealed. My tongue explored her pussy as she squirmed in deep pleasure. It wasn't long until I heard her, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yesss. Mm, V." from her. She came hard. I drank up all of her lovely juices. When she was done, I crawled up the bed and layed next to her. Her breathing was shaking and she was breathing heavily. "How was your first time?" I asked. It took Zoey a moment to respond to me. She licked her lip and turned to me, "It was perfect. Absolutely perfect, just like you." Her words made me smile. We kissed lightly. We were both worn out, but we weren't done. I got up off of the bed. Zoey just gave me that look of passion. Even if she didn't want me after today, we still shared something so special together. I walked around to her side of the bed and picked her up. After a bit of squirming, I had her in my arms. She rested her head against my chest. I carried her into the living room and layed her down on the couch. Before she could talk, I began tickling her. We both began exchanging smiles and laughs. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before returning to my room. "Be right back. You're in for something you won't wanna miss." I assured her. I knew she wasn't going anywhere because I didn't plan on returning her clothes until I had her cumming from me a second time. I returned to the living room with my toy in hand. "Do you love me?" I asked. "With all my heart and soul." I wasn't sure she would like my idea at first, but if she just let me try, she wouldn't be able to resist. "Get on your knees." I demanded. Without words, she obeyed me. I strapped on my surprise and joined her on the couch. Zoey was already wet again. I rubbed her back and fondled with her great ass. When the tip of the toy touched her, she gasped. "Trust me, it'll be better than anything you've ever felt before." I shoved the tip in her. She was super tight and I didn't want to hurt her, but she was so wet it didn't matter. I shoved about half inside her, and in return she let out a deep moan. "Oh please, more." she said. I put a little bit more of the strap on toy in her. I began to rock my hips against her, simulating the toy inside her. I reached my arms around her and grabbed both breasts. I rubbed them as I road her. "Ohh, that feels good." Zoey said. I let go of her breasts and grabbed her ass instead, she jumped at my rough touch. My hips rocked faster and faster, forcing the toy deep into her. "Oh, Veronica..more.." I heard. They were muffled sounds. I grabbed her thighs for better support and squeezed the rest of it in her. I humped her hard and fast. Her low moans turned into high squeaks. I could feel her body shake and her legs become weak. "Yes...yes...fuck me. Oh, please. Fuck me." she begged. I felt the toy rubbing up against me as I pushed it into her. I let out a few sharp moans as the toy simulated my clit roughly. The toy slid in and out of her dripping pussy. I kept going as hard as I could until I heard a loud moan. I quickly slid the toy out and licked up all her juices. Zoey collapsed on the couch, and had that dreamy look on her face from the first time I fucked her. Actually, it was the same look I had received many times in the past, I just never noticed. I layed on the couch, cuddling up next to her. I said, "I understand if you don't want anymore between us that this, but I really do love you." Zoey turned her head to me, grabbed my face and kissed me harder than she ever had. "Don't ever speak like that again. I love you more than you will ever know. I can't imagine another second of life without you, my dear." I received another kiss. I gave Zoey a smile. After all that time I spent in pain, I was going to have the rest of my life being with my one and only love. We had so much to makeup for. I knew someday, I'd ask her to marry me. But that was all in good time. Right now, I just wanted to hold her close and never let her go. And that's exactly what I planned to do. Honestly, that's exactly what we did do. Zoey stayed with me, never leaving my side. She eventually moved in with me and we were finally lovers - better late than ever. And still to this day, she is my lover. No matter what fate has in store for us, we will always find our way back to eachother.