32 comments/ 45488 views/ 54 favorites The Forbidden Gift Card By: MSTarot At first, when I opened that little white envelope, I thought it must be some kind of joke. A silly gag gift, given to maybe make fun of me; and for an office party it was certainly in bad taste. I mean who had ever heard of a gift card for an erotic website? Turning it over, I had seen a full set of instruction on how to use it. Simple to follow. In fact, maybe too simple. A scam? A gift card that was an internet scam? Well, that would be not only in bad taste but just plain mean! My mind had raced through everyone in the office, trying to think who I might have made mad enough at me to do something like that to me. Nothing. Could it be real? Not a scam? Well, possibly but this would have to take the cake as the weirdest gift card I've ever heard of. When I'd gotten home from the Christmas party I had immediately gone to my laptop and done a quick search, using the Logo on the card, for scams. Nope. Humph, curious, curious. Ignoring the card for the moment, I went to the bathroom and got out of my long-past-the-point-of-uncomfortable party clothes. Leaving behind me on the floor by the laundry room a discarded pile of red silk bra, the matching panties, my long red "Christmasy" stockings and that silly party dress; I headed for the shower. I barely turn on the cold water at all, I want it brutally hot. Scalding. "I'll have to take my dress to be dry-cleaned." I thought as I wait for the water to steam. My dress reeked of the "Axe" cologne of the men I had to dance with, to simply be sociable. I climb into my shower with a pleasure moan as the hot water hits me, taking that scent from my skin. Scouring it off my body to vanish where it belongs, down into the sewer. Pulling my long hair out the way, I let the so very hot water pound the back of my neck. "Another Christmas party survived." Moving my neck, the flow of water moved to the front of me, sending scalding rivulets across by breasts, painfully stinging my nipples with the heat. Then down across my nearly flat belly it flowed in cascading rivulets of heat to find and burn every nook and valley. I slowly shook my head. "What the hell is wrong with those idiots I work with? I never bring a date. They've never seen me with a guy, so why do the young men all seem to think I'm the one to make passes at? It's not like I flaunt myself at them, certainly not the way Suzy Carson does. I ignore them! Maybe that's what it is. They can't take it when they're not the center of attention from everything female in the room. Why...? Oh, Enough! Enough is enough, is more than enough! The party is over, I've slogged my way through three endless hours of it yet again, and now it is time for me. It's "me" time now! The towel had tumbled for too long in the dryer, it was too soft. That was the only thought I let myself entertain as I dried off and slipped into my comfy pants. I pulled on my favorite, washed till it is getting soft and is nearly see-through pink tank top, and headed to the kitchen. Absently giving the smelly dress a kick as I passed it. A bottle of very oaky Chardonnay, a bag of my all-time-favorite Archway Wedding Cake cookies and I went to burrow myself into the huge nest-o-pillows that I use for a couch. Sipping, munching, I pick up my latest novel ready at last to just read. Or so I though. After reading the same paragraph four times without taking in a word, my eyes slid over to my laptop. And that shiny gift card lying next to it. With a shake of my head and a large gulp of wine, I went back to reading ... ...nope. Pulling the computer over to me, I opened it and reading the site, typed in the name. Then I entered the code on the card. What? Wait a minute..."Oh, MY GOD!" This was not an erotica site, this is an escort site! Who the hell would give this to me? I spent only a half second looking at the opening page before I fled from the site. I set my computer to running all of my anti-virus programs while I went and deleted my history and cookies. "Who the hell?" Furious, I refilled my glass and steamed while the computer ran its scans. I tried to go back to reading my book, but couldn't. "Why? An escort service gift card!" ** ** ** ** ** ** ** The next few days at work were filled with me doing my Olivia Benson impersonation. I hunted the office for clues to who had been my Secret Santa. The problem was the only person that knew who all the Secret Santa gifts were from, the company VP, had taken a vacation till after New Year's. From what I could discover from my sleuthing no one else at the party received anything weird as a gift, well no weirder than usual for a company party. It was also while I was at work that I began to think more and more about that card. About what it must have cost financially. Hundreds? Thousands? Well, certainly a lot more than the twenty-five dollar spending limit...also about what it "meant" that someone had given it to me. A gift card for an escort, no for a prostitute! Who would think I wanted or needed something like that? Who gives away something like that as a gift? Who... ...knew me so well? Knew that unspoken fantasy? That night, when I got home, I went back to my computer...back to that escort site. Just to look at the women, not to cash in the card. That night I looked, and the night after that, and the next night after that as well. I read what was available, what services, what...forbidden impulses could be indulged in. Oh, and indulge I did. Only privately. Personal parties, where the wine did flow, and I let my imagination take me to places where only books had taken me before. Places where soft feminine fingers, silky lips that tasted of lips gloss, smooth skin would meet mine in soft caresses. And those lovely ladies had all of that. Sexy Emily with her delicate chin, or Corey with lips I wanted to kiss so badly. The flirty pictures of Amy and Judy kissing had me always on edge. A sweet and bitter edge, an edge I could not get over, no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I tried. I think it was that more than anything that got me to thinking about really cashing in that gift card. That want...desire...need to feel just a little bit more...of even one of those fantasies...come to life. And for more than a brief moment of unsatisfactory pleasure. I even went so far as to enter the redemption code only to wipe it and leave the site. Till New Year's Eve... ** ** ** ** ** ** ** Lonely, more than a little drunk, I sat burrowed in my pile of pillows, listening to the distant echoes of parties. Fireworks. Parties I hadn't been invited to. Fireworks I didn't want to go watch. In fact, There were no plans for this night. Just like last year, and the year before that, and far, far too many years before that. All a tumbled mess of drunken memories. Just me and empty bottles of wine and a book for company. Maybe my fingers for a good time. But tonight the book wasn't interested; fingers didn't satisfy. My computer...with those incredibly gorgeous ladies waiting on that site. If felt almost like they were calling to me, calling with a longing that made me burn. The redemption code. Oh, the wet burning need between my legs. Entered, yet again. "Oh, sweet Heather. I so want you...need you." Sent. The black plastic card fell from nerveless fingers to lie lost among the many pillows as I lifted my finger from the enter button I had touched without thinking about it. What have I done? I began to look for ways to reverse it, but even as I was frantically searching the site, I saw the icon on the top of my screen telling me I had mail. "Oh, my god." "Code received. Your gift card has been redeemed, expect the arrival of your fantasy package prepared escort within four hours. We thank you for our business and hope your experience is everything we promised it to be. Again, thank you." "Oh, god, oh god what have I done?" A sudden nausea of nerves sent me rushing to the bathroom. Splashing cold water on my face to stop the growing panic attack didn't work. I looked in the mirror at the true face of fear. "What have you done?" Unable to find an answer I left the bathroom shaking. In three hours, twenty-one minutes and fifteen extremely rapid heartbeats later, when my doorbell rang, I was a trembling mess of nerves. But at the same time...I was horny as hell! Outside my door was a goddess. "Hello there, I'm Heather. Do you have your gift card? I have to see it as proof." I nodded, went to get it and handed it to her with fingers that trembled. She smiled and slipped it into a pocket of her coat. "I understand you're not feeling well, can I come in? Maybe check and see if I can help?" At my nervous nod, she gave me a soft understanding smile and reached up to caress my cheek. "You don't fret any now; I'll make you feel all better." When her long coat opened and the white nurse's uniform appeared my heart skipped two beats. It was exact to the fantasy I had entered into the site. Not a naughty nurse, but not a regular nurse's uniform either. A flirty blend of the two. Sexy and professional all in one, right down to the black leather doctor's bag she carried. That bag made me catch my breath. If the outfit was this close a match to what I had asked for then all the rest...oh, my. Then the back of Heather's hand was checking my forehead and face and I lost all ability to ponder silly fears. "Well, you don't seem to have a fever but you are more than a little hot." Her hand brushed my cheek and crossed my neck, and then fingertips "accidentally" grazed the tops of my breasts, as she reached down and took my hand. "Maybe you should lie down. Let me check you out, properly. Over here looks like a good spot." I could not have been more nervous or more eager when Heather led me to my nest of pillows and down comforters. When her fingers left my hand I looked at her. "Take off your clothes, please. I'll be right with you. Bathroom?" she asked softly. When she disappeared down the hall I had a second panic attack. Trembling, I began to do as she had said; the room so hot moments before now felt terribly chilled as my bare skin appeared. My nipples were painfully hard and I had gooseflesh everywhere by the time I was down to my panties. When they lay in a pile around my ankles the bathroom door opened, the light shut off, and with her low, white, patient-leather heels clicking on the floor, she came back to me. I felt my pulse jump at the site of white latex exam gloves, and the shiny metal stethoscope hanging around her neck. Her eyes went from the top my head to my toes, half-hiding under the pale pink underwear, and then back to my face in a long, slow caress of vision. I shivered under that hot gaze. From nerves, cold, or lust did I tremble? When she spoke I knew it was all three. "Quite lovely, I can see nothing wrong with you there. Lie down, please. Let me check the rest." With pillows bunched under me I did as she said, little twitches making me jump as she began to touch me. Not quite as an exam, at least like no exam I had ever received before, but it was not an erotic massage either. Her touch was light, the silky glide of latex across my chill-pebbled skin. Then her fingers were brushing the insides of my knee, gentle pressure applied to get me to open my legs. When I did I could feel her nails through the gloves in a slow scrape down the softness of my inner thighs. "Well, this could be the problem." I gasped as two gloved fingers parted me and slid inside. "You're far too wet down here. And certainly too tense." Her wrist rotated and her fingertips brushed the upper inside, exactly where I had said in my profile that I was the most sensitive. Then that latex covered thumb was making a small circle next to my clit. Touching it but not at the same time. One of my plush pillows began to get crushed in my grip as I lifted my hips towards those probing fingers. "Feel good, my dear?" she asked smiling, an eyebrow lifted. "Yes." I moaned the whisper I was too ashamed to say louder. She smiled again. "That's good. Enjoy the exam if you can, it's normal to do so." For several more minutes she caressed me, inside and out, then just as I hit the edge I can never cross, she removed her fingers. "I need to take a sample for the labs to test, but I appear to forgotten my swabs. I'll have to find something else." The very second I saw her head lower I could not believe what was about to happen. Then I felt Heather's breath on my nether lips and then her fingers opened me and I felt her tongue. A hot ribbon of fire coupled with a silken caress that lathed my outer lips, devouring every hint of moisture from them, and then working deeper. I began to thrash under her skilled mouth, grabbing and clutching at pillows, comforters, old stuffed toys that had migrated into my nest, hell anything that I could get into my hands. Her mouth, sweeter than the sweetest wine, never seemed to tire not for what to me seemed an endless amount of time. The time that I spent moaning, begging, wishing with all my heart that I could just get one moment over that edge I was clawing to get past. Oh, how wonderful, how incredibly sinful, and naughty to have a woman's mouth on me there. I filled my mind with every erotic thought I had ever had about this woman. And not just her but all of the women I had seen on the site. Emily and Corey forever linked in my mind with passion, and sweet Amy so very innocent and so wicked hot at the same time. Oh, why can't I just take that last step? It's just a single step and I would be screaming not moaning. I twisted the pillow in my hand, as bitter frustration began to gnaw at me. "Turn over my dear." Blinking, I looked down to find her looking up at me, her face shiny wet. "Wh...what?" "Turn over." She dabbed at her face with a cloth, and then lightly wiped me. "Now, please." Confused but willing I rolled over onto my belly. Looking back at her, I shivered at the smile she was giving me now. Playful, but with a hint of mischief. I trembled when her hand ran along my thigh, across the curve of my ass to the small of my back, and then a single finger traced its way back between my cheeks. It crossed the raised wrinkled rose making me gasp, and then her fingers sank back into my pussy with a brutal lack of tenderness. I cried out against the pain and pressure even as I begged for it to never end. That bit of pain helped me to claw one finger closer to that bright point of light I desired, one inch only, but that was more than I have ever gotten alone. I wanted to weep at the emptiness I felt when her fingers vanished from me again. Then Heather's weight was on me, pressing me hard into the pillows under me. I felt her breath hot by the nape of my neck, then just under my ear. "Time for you to cum," she whispered. My eyes went wide, as I felt her drag something hard up the back of my thigh, between my legs, it crossed my neither lips, gathering moisture as it pushed my body open. I tried to ready myself to feel the hard length of her toy enter my pussy, only it was suddenly gone. When it reappeared against that forbidden rose bud, I gasped as I remembered what I had written in my fantasy package. That unspoken fantasy, the one I've never shared, not even in the darkest of nights in the arms of the few lovers I've had. A pressure began then, a deep burning ache that took my breath, I cried out as I felt something pierce that which had never before been pierced. I clawed at the pillows, pushing them aside, digging my fingers into the thick carpeting underneath. Heather's weight increased as she moved herself up my back, a movement coupled with a thrust that brought a scream of pain that turned into a deep wrenching moan of something that was not quite a pleasure. Tears sprang from my eyes at as the toy retreated but did not leave me. "Oh my god, Heather!" "I know...poor little thing. It feels like it's in your throat doesn't it?" Heather asked in a whisper that was half-chuckle, by my ear. "I'm sorry it hurts, but it's necessary to make you all better. It will get easier to take here in a second. Here, let me help." When her hand reached under me and those fingers brushed my clit, I realized that her glove was gone! Oh, how warm, how silky her bare skin felt touching me. I felt the tears dry from my eyes at that so welcome touch. My bottom lip was caught between my teeth as she gave me a second thrust, deeper than the first, which took my breath away. I...I...I... "YES!" With a scream that tore at my throat and took every ounce of energy I had to make I breached that last wall, I took that final step, clawed my way through to that last inch, reaching up touching that light I had grasped for so many times and failed to reach. And it BURNED! From the center of me out it burned. A fire that spread down every nerve, setting them in sympathetic flame. It took me to the very heights of light, carrying me upwards with the flames, as I screamed at the heavens for this to never end and at the same time begged mercy. A mercy that was in some small way given as I felt suddenly empty, the burn between my ass cheeks dropping away, as heather removed her toy from me. But even as that happened her fingers on my clit seemed to double their pressure. "NO!" Again my body shook beyond my control. A delightful surrender to the goddess of pleasure. A broken rapture that took me down with it, down into soft pillows of velvet and warmth, they closed around me taking the light with them. I know there was a passage of time lost then; I felt I was swaddled in cotton candy. In those pink spun-sugar pillow-dreams, I walked my way back from the little death. Back to a body of trembling flesh and small aftershocks of pleasure. Heather was sitting next to me. A soft smile on her face as she looked down at me. She took one of my comforters and spread it over me. "I cleaned you up, precious. Now I want you to rest. You hear me? If you don't, you won't get better, and if you don't get better..." Leaning in she brushed my lips with the softest kiss I've ever known. "I'll have to come back." With a smile, she rose to her feet, settling her clothes and picked up her little black bag. She let herself out. As I lay there my body melting into a warm pool, snuggled in the softest of down, sleep courting me like a lover, I took with me into dreams two things. The rich feminine scent of myself that had been so heavy on Heather's lips when she had kissed me...and the question. The still unanswered question that had bothered me for a week now. Who could have possibly sent that card to me? ** ** ** ** ** ** ** How? How could I possibly function at the office? Whoever gave me that gift card had to have just received a bill for the services. Right? Surely it wasn't prepaid on something that expensive, the site would bill a credit card, anonymously. Right? And now whoever gave it to me knew I had cashed it in. Knew I had let a prostitute, a female prostitute since that was all the site offered, do such...incredibly naughty things to me. Oh, I felt myself getting hot even at the memory of Heather. Of Heather, and of a New Year's Eve that I will remember forever. But how? How do I go into work, walk among those people and look them in the eyes, knowing one of them knows that secret? I had to find out who sent it! And...and...and then what? Confront them? No...I would die of embarrassment. I...guess avoid them. Maybe? "Oh god, what did you do?" I asked myself for the hundredth time this morning as I fumbled my way through ten choices of clothes, rejecting each, unable to make even a decision about shoes, let alone what to do about the gift card giver. "Oh, god what did you do?" Again and again my mind answers that repeated question with "Had the most awesome sexual experience, and the most powerful orgasm of your life." Ignoring that voice of reason I flew out the door, no makeup, with nothing that coordinates with anything else and then burst into tears when I dropped my keys in the slushy snow by the car door. Tears-falling I knelt, trying to keep my knees dry, and fished through the wet slush for the keys. The Forbidden Gift Card "Why?" Others can have great sex with whoever they feel like and not end up in tears, a nervous wreck, dressed in shambles; afraid of what felt so incredibly, breathtakingly, wonderful being found out. Afraid someone at work was going to look at them with knowing eyes, a twisted "I know your secrets" smirk. Finding the keys, I climbed into the car but didn't crank it. "Call in sick," I said to myself as I leaned my head on my hands that gripped the steering wheel. "Half the company has hangover flu, what's one more not showing up?" I reached for my purse to get my phone out to do that very thing when I had a flash of what the day would be like if I did. Like a mouse going back to a trap that had snapped at it once already, I would go back to that escort site. Back to look at...and lust after ... those gorgeous ladies that I could, without a doubt in hell, not afford. Not on what I make. Just how much that single moment of orgasmic bliss with Heather had cost someone must have been staggering. She had been so perfectly skilled at what she did. In her professional hands, I had been a purring, melted puddle that she had played with to her enjoyment. "No." Shaking my head, I sat back. "I've got to find out who sent it." That had to be the longest ride to work I had ever taken, since I turned around and started back home twice, before making myself drive all the way there. When I arrived at the office, I had to force my hands to be steady while I put my makeup on in the car. Pulling my sweater tight, I hid the mismatched blouse under it and headed into what, in growing leaps and bounds, was becoming my own personal Hell. I had to stop myself from ducking my head and sneaking my way to my office cubical, sure at any moment the gift-giver was going to appear and point to me and laughingly tell the whole place what I had done. But that didn't happen. In fact nothing happened, nothing but a normal day at the office. The same familiar faces all looking the same. No leering, knowing looks. No mysterious smiles that only them and I would know the meaning of. Just happy, in some cases hung-over, people working. Water-cooler-talk about the parties they had been to the night before being the only thing new. No sudden declarations of the fact a closet lesbian was among them. One that had let a prostitute put a toy in her... Oh, how I squirmed my ass in my office chair, feeling even now the wonderfully sore ache from that toy. Looking around, I brought up my private file and in a futile attempt to get my mind off this, wrote down a summary of what had happened. Then locked back the double hidden private file I used as my personal, read-by-no-one-but-me, blog. "Fun night?" I nearly jumped out my skin when one of my coworkers, Cathy, asked that by my arm. Turning, I searched her face. Looking for that hidden sign, it was her... No. Not her, she would never...Oh, what was I thinking coming in here today? "Didn't do much special," I said my mouth on autopilot. "Normal night, for the most part." Cathy shook her head with a sad smile. "Honey, you so badly need to get you a man in your life. I know that office romances are frowned upon, but there are several eligible guys here that would love to take you out for a night on the town." She leaned in and whispered. "Pick one, and let him." We both glanced up as Suzy came walking through, all flouncy hair and jiggling boobs, to stop and smile at Todd two cubicles over. Her inane giggles put my teeth on edge. I gave Cathy a look, then silently mouthed "I'm not going to be like her." Cathy again shook her head, but nodded and left me to my misery. Trying to bury myself in my work, I found that I would have to stop and adjust myself on the seat far too often. If not for the low walls surrounding my desk I would have died of embarrassment given how I must have looked like a cat squirming its ass in heat. I tried to sit still and work, but flash memories of Heather would rush in on me when I least expected and set me to rubbing the dull ache on the chair again. Finally, I gave up and sent a message to Mr. Kendal's secretary asking if I could schedule a meeting with him today. The reply came back at about the same time I was about to give up on it and take the elevator up there to his office to ask. ~ He is going to be extremely busy for the next two days, trying to catch up on missives that came in while he was on vacation. I've tentatively penned you in for Thursday at two. Unless this is extremely urgent? If it is, I might get you in today for a few minutes. I sent back my negative reply and leaned back into my chair to stew and worry. How would I make it to Thursday without knowing who in this office knew my secrets? How? ** ** ** ** ** ** ** I made lists. Long lists...of everyone in my office, and then cross-checking them by what I knew about them. Personally, financially, hell I even added office gossip rumor mill crap. I posted these to my seen-only-by-me blog/journal. Who? I hunted and hunted day after day. Person after person, marking them down, checking them off for this reason or that. Not the type to do it, not the financial means to give away a gift escort. Then when logic failed I began making all kinds of wild guesses, hunches. Followed silly goose chases about upper management, long departed department head. People I first worked with years ago. Nothing. No one seemed right. While there was certainly a few office flirts, like Suzy, but this really wasn't the type of place to hire the kind of person to pull off something like this. I simply had to wait, wait for Thursday and keep myself from squirming in my office chair. Which would be why, when Thursday rolled around and the office rumor mill brought round the news that Mr. Kendal had left for the California office yesterday afternoon? Pulled off suddenly, for meetings the CEO Mr. Stevens was supposed to attend but had been unable go to due to his wife going into labor. My jaw hit the floor when I heard that. I didn't bother with messaging but went to his office where Sherry, his secretary, was busy enough for two women. "I'm sorry, but I had to reschedule all of today's meetings till next week. Mr. Kendal won't be back in town till late Sunday night. It may be Monday afternoon before I can even get you a moment on the phone with him. Sorry, it's been a madhouse. His vacation could not have been timed worse it turns out. We got about six clients calling in to..." I let her ode-of-the-overworked-office-drivel wash past me in a daze. I had to wait another week...another week with my secrets known by someone in this office. Another.... Shaking, I thanked her in a dead tone and walked out. The elevator dropped floor by floor, number flashing past unheeded till I finally looked up and noticed I had hit the wrong button and gone two floors past mine. When the doors opened, I was already pushing the button to take me back up to my office. When I looked up from the lighted numbers and found myself looking Heather in the eyes, my heart stopped. The door closed on her equally shocked face with me too stunned to do anything but stand there and let them close. I stood blinking at the brushed stainless steel doors and my blurry reflection till the door opened on my own floor. With a hand that was shaking, I touched the button to take me back down two floors. One floor. "What the hell was going on here?" I thought to myself. Two floors. "Heather? Here...?" I mumbled the words from lips too numb to speak. The doors opened to no one. The hallway was empty. ** ** ** ** ** ** ** How I made it back to my desk that morning, I'll never know. How I made it through the day without going floor by floor, tearing the office apart, till I found Heather or found who could tell me "What the hell was going on!" I'll equally never know. Why was a prostitute here? From the way she was dressed it looked like she worked here! Did she? Did a prostitute work in the same building as me? For how long? I racked my mind trying to remember just how many times I might have seen Heather here in the building before that New Year's Eve night. What department did she work for? Certainly none of the ones I normally deal with or I would have recognized her that night. Sitting at my desk, trying not to shake, I pulled up my blog and put it all there. Let the wild manic thoughts spill out into those computer pages, trying desperately to get rid of them, leave them behind me. My mind was filled with conflicting images, the lovely nurse Heather; the somewhat plain woman who had been on the other side of those elevator doors. Had I even seen her? Had that moment even been real? Was I simply projecting the face of sexy Heather onto a girl that looked similar? Grabbing my purse, I left a message for my supervisor telling her that I was leaving early, female problems. Which, I laughingly considered appropriate. I was half-way across the office parking lot when I saw that Heather was standing leaned against the car next to mine. She was looking right at me. My steps faltered, leaving me standing about ten feet from her just staring at her. She slowly smiled and stood up straight. Her face was calm, like this kind of thing happened to her every day. I know I must look like a deer in headlights as slowly my feet moved forward, shuffling steps. "Heather?" "Sorry, no. It's really Amber." She shrugged. "Ah, I think we need to talk." I must have looked like a fish gasping for air. "You think?" "Please, don't get mad till you hear me out. Can we go somewhere more comfortable to talk than the office parking lot?" Not sure just what I'm feeling I nodded, and without a word step around her. She moved to that black car next to mine and climbed in. I cranked my Kia and trailed her out the parking lot. As I followed her lead through traffic my emotions bounced all over the place. Anger certainly was there. Confusion, though, that had to top the list of what I was feeling. Four miles from the office I followed her into the parking lot at Coffee Barn. Getting out, I began to say something, but she waved me off. "We'll talk inside," she said simply. Her rapid steps took her away from my questions before I could even ask them. Wanting to cuss, I followed and stood in a slow seethe as the waitress took our orders. I didn't really want coffee, but I hoped it might at least quiet the butterflies in my stomach. When the waitress left to get the coffee, Heather/Amber spreads her hand out on the table between us, I noticed that her nails were still painted the same color as they had been that night. "Well..." she began then faltered. "Heather...Amber...whatever your name is, what the hell is going on?" I had to quiet my tone as the heat of my words attracted attention. "Who the hell are you?" "Amber Gibson. I work in the IT department...I'm one of the company's computer software repair specialists." "When you're not moonlighting as an escort?" I failed at keeping the ire from my tone. The hurt rage I was feeling. "So who paid for that gift card?" She shook her head and was about to speak when the waitress returned with our coffee. I nodded my thanks to the pleasant smile the young girl offered, and wrapped my hands around the cup, feeling the heat even through the thicker cardboard cover. Needing it. Needing even the burning pain that soon began. Amber thanked the girl and nodded that we didn't need anything else. "I'm not an escort," she said shaking her head. "No one paid me for what I did New Year's Eve." "What?" I looked at her awestruck. "What about that gift card from the escort site? I cashed it in! Did they just let you just play with me for free?" "Yeah... ah, there is no escort site." She took a deep breath and then an apologetic not-quite-smile, brushed her lips. "I'm not explaining this very well. Sorry. Can I please start at the beginning before I confuse you further?" "That might be a very good idea...Amber." I shook my head and an angry huff came out between my lips "Very good! " She let out a long sigh. "I found your file. I was doing updates on your computer, one night after the office was closed. Just my normal monthly check and there it was. A hidden, double-layer password, encrypted data file? On one of my computers! Did you know that? That to the people in the IT department think every computer in the company is ours. You work on them, but we work with them." She looked up at my face and gave a shrug. "To me that file was an insult, a challenge. Something that should-not-be-there, not...on...my...computer. So...I hacked it." My mouth dropped open. All of my secrets are on that file. Every one of them! Who I liked in the company, who I hated. Dreams ... desires...even my most naughty of secrets. She slowly nodded. "Yeah, I read it. I made me a copy and closed everything back up just like you had it. I left an alert there on watch, so that when you updated it I would know." She looked down and I swear blushed a little. "I've become the most devoted fan of your blog." "I...I never intended anyone to ever see that." "Oh, I know," said Amber quickly, a ghost of a smile dusting her lips and a soft half-heard laugh. "There is a lot of stuff on there that the upper management would not find at all amusing to hear said about them." If not for that hint of a chuckle I might have thought she was going to use that stuff to blackmail me. But she seemed more amused than anything. Then she let out a sigh. "It was the sex stuff that got to me, though." I turned redder than the roof of the Coffee Barn. Amber saw that, smiled and blushed a bit herself. "Yeah, well the more I read the more I got to liking this office girl I had never seen, posting such wild stuff to a private file that only she could see." She grinned. "It was hot. Got me hot." I looked down, completely interested in the steam coming from my coffee cup. I bit my lip and asked the question I had needed to have an answer to for weeks. "The gift card?" Amber nodded. "I'm getting to that. See, I read more and more of your blog, and then when I finished the backlog, I read the updates as you posted them. And it felt like the more I did the more I got to know you...you in a way I don't think anyone else has ever known. I wasn't stalking you, I just read till...well, till I began to think about asking you out." She bit her bottom lip. "But how to do that?" "You could have just asked," I said not looking up at her. "Could I have? How would I have explained just how I knew? You're not out, not in the least. If you had a sham 'boyfriend' it would be completely hidden that you're a lesbian. No one in the company knows, that's for sure. Every guy there wants to get in your pants." "What?" I asked She gave me a look. "I also have to do virus scans on intercompany e-mails. I read more than a few of them, mostly garbage, but there is an underground post that a few of the guys use, upper and middle management, to talk about the women in the company. By the way, you are so very right in some of your comments about them. They are pigs." "Amber if you don't stop dithering and tell me about that damn gift card I'm walking out." Where I found the courage to say that to her I don't know, but it probably had its roots in the warm angry pit that was boiling the coffee in my stomach. "I'm not dithering, I'm getting there; it's just a long story. " "Well, make it a short long story," I said irritated. "Fine. I gave you the gift card." I just looked at her for a moment. "And the escort service? How did you get them to let you.." "There is no them." Amber shook her head. "There is no escort company, I made it all up." "What?" "I made it all up. The gift card, the website, the whole thing was just...me." I could manage nothing more than just staring at her in blank-faced shock, till my head began to slowly shake side to side. "No. No, not possible. There are more than eight other girls on that site." "All me." She grimaced. "Just different hairstyles, makeup, clothes, and a bit of Photoshop to make minor changes, like nipple color and size." "I don't believe you. Amy and Judy were kissing! I saw the pictures!" "I know you did. That website is a VPN. I've monitored every move you made on the site I set up. You and I had the only access to it, and my presence was hidden from you. I could see what pictures you went to, where your interest was, who you liked." She stopped talking at the adamant shaking of my head. "They were kissing! It was two girls in that picture. "It. Was. Just. Me," She insisted. "I took two separate pictures while I was kissing a green balloon. I digitally took the balloon out and merged the two pictures into the one you saw. I'm good at that kind of thing." She smiled at me. "I have to say you teased the hell out of me, you know that right? Every time you entered your fantasy, and then typed in that code, I was frantically getting myself ready. Then you would erase it and I would start cussing." Unable to find the words I just sat there looking at her. Amber...who was also my Heather, who was also all the other girls I had fantasized over, who was the mystery gift card giver that had been my bane for every waking hour since Christmas night. She... "I need air." Getting up, I fled the coffee shop, seeking in the cold parking lot what refuge I could from the flooding memories of the night where every fantasy I have ever thought to have had come true. Shockingly true, in moments of magical shatteringly-orgasmic bliss, only to see them too have now been a lie, with an even greater fabricated lie. "Wait...please wait!" Her shoes clattered on the payment behind me. "Please let me explain." "Oh, you explained, Amber! It was some sick twisted joke to make me...make me..." "I didn't make you do anything." She walked to stand between me and my car. "I gave you a gift, one like I've never given to anyone before. Your fantasy come true, for a Christmas present. Who the hell ever got something that good at an office party? I didn't know you would recognize me; there was that wig and all the contouring makeup I wore to make me look like Heather. I figured it would always be my personal secret that I had given you that." "You...you tricked me!" "No." Amber shook her head. "If you had never seen me by the elevator door would you have ever known that you had not been with a prostitute on New Year's? Would that memory be any less than you getting the exact fantasy you wanted? I did nothing to trick you." Looking down at my shoes, I shook my head feeling the tears hanging ready to fall. I hated myself at that moment. I could feel my guts rolling in agony at what seemed a betrayal, and yet at the same time my mind kept flashing back to the moment when my body surrendered to the toy that...Heather ... had been so determined was going inside me. That moment when I had arched my back like a cat and screamed in orgasmic ecstasy. An orgasm so powerful I felt the tremors of it through my sleep all that night and had awoken slick and more than ready for more. Walking around her, I went to my car and left Amber...Heather, Emily and all the rest of the women I had so desired standing in the cold. I couldn't look at her. I couldn't speak. There were no words for what I felt. ** ** ** ** ** ** ** How to describe the total monotony of my office now that the question had been answered? I went through the motions the next day. Often wanting to write down my thoughts in my blog but not daring to do that knowing she would see them. When I had a moment I had opened my hidden file, to erase it, only to find a simple ~"I'm Sorry."~ waiting for me. The ultimate proof that she had indeed read everything I had ever put there. My finger hovered over the "Enter" key to send the contents of three years whining's and sexual fantasies into the trash but I couldn't. What would be the point anyway? If Amber wanted to blackmail me she had already told me she had made a copy. The Forbidden Gift Card I was like a marionette with her strings cut when I left the office that afternoon. How I didn't get pulled over, into a wreck, or end up in the frozen lake is unclear. I would have almost welcomed a few of those things by that point. The endless circling to find a parking space. The walk back up a wet slushy sidewalk, the bundle of junk mail in the box. All so drudgedly a part of the same endless day that I have been living for so many years. The realization of this hit me as I dropped my keys into the dirty slush before the door. Bending down, my mail of course shifted and I dropped a few letters, bills mostly. As I snagged the keys and picked up the scatter trash-destined mail I saw the plain envelope. The all-too-familiar size and look of it, with my name and no postage, caught my eye instantly. "No." Shaking my head, I denied what my eyes were telling me I was holding. "No, this can't be this." The distance from the door up to my apartment was a blur I had no memory of. The apartment door seemed to have magically appeared, behind me, leaving me standing in my living room. The bills and fast-food flyers fell unheeded to the floor at my feet as I slowly turned the envelope over. Same little gold squiggle of fancy gold ink...no, amber ink. The first time I saw it I had taken it for a company logo, now I looked closer and saw it was, in fact, a very artistically "suggested" butterfly. My eyes went to my laptop, sitting on the low table by my pile of pillows. My hands shook. My head shook from side to side, as I whispered "No...don't do it." To myself, over and over, even as my feet began to take me to the computer. I leave my coat on the floor in a pile, my purse next to it. My shoes disappear from my feet, to be lost under a chair, forgotten till the next time I swept. The website I had not been to since that night was still there. Why I thought it would not be I don't know, but that had been my fear as I waited for the pages to load. Those scant seconds, till the familiar images appeared, were agonizingly slow. And then they were all there. Sexy Emily, and the beautiful Corey that I had so longed to have use me as her personal play toy. Amy and Judy were still locked in that eternal kiss. A kiss that I so wished either of them were sharing with me. Heather... The oh-so-incredibly-wonderful Heather. My beloved Heather, the woman that had cared for me in ways no other had ever managed. A saint in a nurse's uniform, and such a sinner in the bedroom...or well, corner of my living room. I looked in those dark eyes and felt my whole body tingle. And Amber... "Amber!" My mouth dropped open as I looked at the face of the woman I considered just a step away from being my Stalker. The woman who had invaded my privacy, and then my fantasies, and then my home, and then my... When my eyes went to her bio I wanted to cry. No made up tangle of wish-fulfilling fantasies, but it was really her, as she was in real life. Specialized in Chinese food restaurants, computers, and digital art. Possesses a reasonable degree of knowledge in long, comfortably-silent walks together by the river, and hour long gazing...into a lover's eyes. Expert in both holding hands and listening. Loves cats. Coffee. Dry wine. Good books. Laughter. Sitting back in my pillows, I just stared at her image. Half lost waif, half mischievous little girl, I shook my head and opened back up the page with all the pictures of the girls. I looked from beautiful image to beautiful image across the whole of the page, searching for and finally finding the clues in each face. I could not even begin to fathom the amount of time it must have taken her to put together this site. To take all of these beautifully-crafted images of herself, in so many different poses. She really didn't look the same in any of them. Not even close. My gaze flitted from bared breasts to smooth hips, long legs to delicate throats. That any of these images had been touched up was impossible to see. Picking up the gift card, I looked at it seeing beyond the thin, plastic square with the amber butterfly logo to the real meaning of it. I could cash this in again. I could have any of these women. She would be any of them for me. The more I looked the more I realized just who those women were. They were every erotic thought I had ever put down in my blog, taken and given life by this woman. The effort of what she had done was staggering. And all this had been done so she could spend time with me. With me? A woman so trapped in layers of daily life I couldn't even tell the people around me what I am, for fear of losing my job due to their prejudices. Losing friends...the few and none. Losing family...the scattered and half-forgotten. Of losing myself...the already lost. Losing myself into the world of pleasure I really wanted to live in. That magical life that I had some often wrote about but knew, deep in my heart, I would never get to live in. But...this card was the key to that life. I could use it to bring me Corey, or Emily, or Amy. I could try out those sexy smiling lips of Judy. I could let myself be cared for by Heather. My beloved Heather. I could, I could...I could...let myself take long walks by the river with Amber. Eat Chinese food. Sit sipping coffee, or wine. With this card, this wonderful card I could do all of those things. All of them and maybe, just maybe the one that I had never put down in my blog. The blog that I never thought would be read. A fantasy so off-the-wall, so impossible to ever happen that not even the shadow of a dream of it reached my fingertips to type it there. That I could...fall in love. When I looked back up and saw Amber, with her girl-next-door face, lost alone in the big city "innocence", but with that "I ate your last cookie" grin and those oh-so-easily-to-get-lost-in eyes, I knew. Truly knew, that even that fantasy could be possible. I entered the redemption code without even bothering to read it off the card. I didn't need too, I knew it by heart. Then I made my selection without even looking, but knowing it was exactly what I needed. Sitting back on my pillows I settled in to wait. It didn't take three hours this time. It barely took the twenty-one minutes and fifteen extremely rapid heartbeats. When my doorbell rang I went to it trembling even more than I had the last time. When it opened the trembling stopped but the butterflies doubled in my stomach. She was perfectly what I had wanted her to be. Amber. * (Dedicated to my editor, mentor and friend the lovely, patientlee. Thank you, my dear, for all that you have helped me with since we met. And for all the work we have left to do. MST.)