4 comments/ 17091 views/ 6 favorites The Devil's Gateway By: wistfall1 (Author's note: This is intended for lesbians who have difficulties arising from severe church indoctrination that has affected their ability to accept their lesbianism. In Iowa, their Supreme Court opened up same sex equality. Fundamentalists launched a campaign to remove those justices who voted in favor of this, and succeeded. At the present time, an avowed lesbian pastor in the Methodist Church is to be tried for marrying same sex couples though it has been quietly permitted previously. Some lesbians have a tremendous burned within them due to the preaching of God's retrubution for disobeying his laws, and a penatly of everlasting hell to follow. This is for you if it applies, and you need help in understanding what the truth of it all is, and you wish to be free of this burden. If you, as a lesbian, do not have this problem in you, please do not deny this information to your sisters who do have this problem. All others, if this is in any way offensive to you, please read another story.) Chapter 1 'The Kitten's Korner' is the club where many of my friends gather, usually on Friday nights. There are about eight to ten of us on most evenings; we set ourselves up on two or three tables, and have a ball just gabbing about this and that, yet our eyes are always looking for someone else who interests us, or is interested in us. Normally it's a newbie, a young woman who instantly stirs our sexuality to heights we want to explore. Then again maybe one not so young, but sensuous to our eyes; one that was more than a joy to behold. Each of us has our likes and dislikes in sex, and among our likes, we sometimes prefer one way of loving and being loved over another. All of humanity is that way, isn't it? But, as far as I've been able to determine, some of us like one other thing, and that's cuddling. At least I wanted that. There's something about the closeness we sense when we cuddle with someone that we're so comfortably loving with, something almost transcendental, spiritual. It's not that high on everyone's list, but many of us love it and seek it somewhere along the line. Another thing we like—make that love—is having sex. We love to love, followed by loving some more, then again and again. At least that's how it is in our group. As far as I know, most everyone in our group is as I've said. I can pretty well say that I know because I've made love with several of them. For myself, I've been solo for over a year. Somewhere along the line I decided I wanted permanency, having someone to cuddle with and know it's from your love of her, and that she loves me and cuddling with me, too. The knowing we're forever is what I've been craving with a ferocity that has me hoping and looking. My mind and heart won't settle for anything less, though sometimes I wonder if my pussy will scream too much too often at me, and I'll feel that I have to give in to shut it up for a while. Then again, my pussy seems to be in agreement with my heart and mind, and has settled for my fingers so far. At first, the joy of the sex I had with some of my friends was fantastic, hard to not love the sensations my body had, how mind-blowing it all was. There's something wonderful about friends and sex as we had, a marvelous closeness that we have and sense, more with some than with others. One or two have been utterly fantastic, especially Sally, but she wanted the same thing I wanted, and like me, was always looking and hoping. I guess I could say that having sex with close friends has a transcendental aspect to it too, but even at that, I feel myself getting antsy. I've been an active lesbian since I was seventeen, though god only knows I wanted to have sex with another woman for ages and ages. That could only be because I was born that way, but the world doesn't seem to share my opinion; some—or maybe many—lesbians are still overly burdened by what is said of our way of loving and living. Of late though, I've been feeling a loneliness. That's the only way I can put it because that's exactly how I feel at times. These gatherings offset that for a while, but if I was to be honest about it, I think I'm coming here regularly in the hopes of finding love—real love. Us together always love! That's what I want now. Eight years of doing what is often called sowing wild oats is a long enough time as far as I'm concerned. I'll always want my friends as friends, and I hope that whoever I find will love my friends too, and vice-versa, of course. It's a beautiful thing to share with others, and I'm not talking about love, and, or, sex in this case. I'm twenty-five now, so that means I hit a proverbial wall at twenty-four, or a little sooner. Speaking of looking and friends, Sally's days of hoping are over. Ariel, a new girl to the club, gripped Sally's pussy like you wouldn't believe. The two are together now, and, incidentally, my two best friends. No, we no longer get it on with each other—they're exclusive with each other. Ariel has only been in our group less than a year. They hit it off after they made love once. It hit them both, and that was it. When they told us about it, I nearly cried, but because of a feeling of joy for them; that had to be from what I wanted for myself, and I was, and am, glad that my friends have it for themselves. And, boy, do they ever cuddle. They're kind of sickening with their mush and gush, but I say that knowing I'm just envious as can be. Will this night be any different than the rest for me? I have no idea, but I know that I'll keep looking till forever, but I hope it doesn't take near that long. With that, I walked into The Kitten's Korner. I don't know which of the two partners thought up that name, but I smiled every time I saw it, and shook my head a bit. Okay, it isn't that bad a name, but I think they could have come up with something better. And no, I didn't have a suggestion, and if I did, I'd keep it to myself. Jade, one of the owner's, might not like it, and that's good enough for me. I liked Jade on my good side; Evelyn too, but she's not as imposing as Jade. Entering, I saw Sally waving me over right away, a huge smile on her face as usual. "Hey, babe, bout time," she said, getting up to exchange a hug and kiss with me, as did Ariel. Ariel was kind of unusual. I mean that in the way of a personality that just draws everyone to her, she's so friendly, but a bit sedate as opposed to Sally's ebullience. Swapping hugs and kisses with everyone else could take all night, but it was one of those long, drawn out pleasures that we loved. "Wacha been up to?" Sally asked. "Not much, the usual. How're you two?" and on it went for a while, as always. We all danced, drank a few drinks, and did a lot of kidding, laughing, and mild gossiping. All the while I did what I had been doing for what seemed ages now, and that was looking over the crowd, and eyeing everyone that came in after me. Ariel caught me once. "Don't see anyone yet?" she guessed right. "Nope. Since Sally found and claimed you, the pond has been dry," I said with a good-natured smile. "You're a fabulous liar," she said in her quiet voice, a mild coloring coming to her cheeks. "Maybe that's true, but you're one of the finest fish to come out of the pond, right Sally." "Right, and quit makin time with my girl, hear?" she hammed it up with a huge grin. The way Sally talked, you'd never have guessed she was a college professor, of English, no less. Actually, she kept from that style of talking when she was away from those hallowed halls. "Someone will come in one of these days," Ariel picked up where she left off. "Don't you ever give up, Penny." As I said, she was something else, and in a good way—in the best way ever. Sally was one lucky girl to have found Ariel. "So, what's comin up for ya?" Sally asked, determined to use all the bad grammar possible. She'd always been a smart girl, having marvelous, envious grades in whatever classes she took. "Going to a company class to get smart starting this weekend, then going to see the folks for a while—if my father will talk to me. Sometimes he still won't." "Hell of a thing, huh, babe? Why the fuck do things have to be that way?" That got a general conversation going about how it is with a lot of our parents and friends, not to mention all of those that don't even know us, but don't care for the way we live and love, and ruining their idea of their society, or so they say. Just something we had to put up with, at least that about seemed all we could do. A few organizations were working to change things, and it helped a bit that the former vice-presidents daughter was a lesbian. At least it brought it out that we do happen in the best of families, and thinking that, I heard my mind snort loudly in my head. And wouldn't you know it, someone said that, and did snort loudly. "I've never heard of her standing up for us," one of the girls said. "I've not heard anything bad about her," Sally opined, "but I haven't looked her up either. Hell, she's one of us, so let her live is what I say." A general consensus was reached that Sally was right. The former vice-presidents daughter was safe from us for the moment. I did say that after I thought of it, and got some good laughs. Chapter 2 Having missed three weekends, I was pretty anxious to be with my friends again. The gatherings somehow lifted my spirits in a different way. Habit, I guess. Saying "Hi" to Evelyn, I went to where our group was. I didn't get much of a chance to say anything. "You missed it, babe," Sally said. "Missed what?" I asked as we did our usual hugging and kissing, then doing the same all around as I wondered what it was that I'd missed. "The sweetest girl," Ariel said right off as I sat down. "Yeah, and Attila ran her off the second time," Jane said with a smirk. Attila was what we called the most obnoxious girl that came here regularly. She was about the size most of us generally didn't like, which was fairly good sized, though more than sloppy looking, which is what we didn't like the most, and a general pain in the neck, not to mention the un-polite pain in the ass. She had her group of friends, but not many people liked any of them, with Attila being the least liked. I didn't know what her real name was, and I'd never asked if anyone knew, I simply avoided her, and she caught my vibe and stayed away too. "Our Ariel went right out after her, and they talked a while. Her name's Caryn. Maybe she'll be in tonight." "Are you guys matchmaking?" I had to ask, and hoped they weren't. "I never mentioned your name, hateful," Ariel pretended to be snippy with me, but her smile belied that instantly. "I told her that most of us were pretty friendly, but we couldn't keep the bushel empty of the baddies, few though they are. Anyway, she was nice, and we talked a bit. I did invite her to come back, but you're strictly on your own, meanie." "Wasn't Jabs here?" "You mean to take care of Attila? Nope. Like tonight, she was a no show last week. Don't know what she's been into," Sally said. Jabs was Eleanore Jablonski, about the best built of the really big girls here, and a super looker too. She had a fair dislike of Attila, we all felt, but she never let it show outwardly. She did make her back off, and put her in her place once. Attila pushed it, and we all got a whale of a laugh out of Jabs' cool, not to mention her huge tits. Mercy, they're amazing! That was a few months before Ariel came here. The short of it is that Attila, after pushing her luck, decided to challenge Jabs to an arm wresting contest. Jabs, not fazed a bit, simply agreed. As they measure arm lengths to make sure no one had an unequal advantage thereby, Jabs got the best idea ever. "You know, it's hot, this arm wrestling thing. I don't want to get all sweaty here, and maybe try to pick up a girl. Ugh! No way, huh? Let's take our tops off," she said, and took her top off instantly—and no bra either. she didn't need one. Talk about some mammaries with some luscious nipples, she had them, and all of our eyes popped out of our heads at how they stood up so full and straight. I mean she had us all drooling. While we drooled, we were also stifling our laughs for Attila just gazed at those huge boobs of Jabs', her mouth open with wanting to get at them. I'm not sure we all wouldn't have liked a turn at them. "Aw, come on, girl. Yours are nice and big, so show 'em, huh? Besides, you might get lucky too, if you're not all sweated up," Jabs prodded her casually as if they were the best of friends just playing around. Worse, Jabs, standing, leaned over a bit, letting them dangle salaciously in Attila's face. She was embarrassed to not show what she had, especially since Jabs challenged her the way she did. Dumb thing took the bait, and doffed her top, then her bra. Attila's huge boobs flopped out, and down near her navel. Her face turned red as a beet, but she bluffed it out. We all knew who'd win. Jabs played with her a while, but in the end, Attila's hand slammed against the table from Jabs' superior strength. Jabs made out as if it was all in fun, and that Attila had been a good sport, so we all had to wait until we were outside to get our laugh over with; the only thing is that we kept on laughing and laughing, it was all so damned funny. That's Jabs, and I was sure Ariel wouldn't have had to do a thing as she said she did if Jabs had been around. In fact, Attila probably wouldn't have tried anything knowing Jabs' penchant for being kind to other girls. Jabs was also our resident brain. We called her that because she was so learned, knew about most everything under the sun, and as her nic implied, she did talk a lot, but was never a total hog. When she talked, we listened, and sometimes tried to figure out what she said. That didn't happen much. Ariel, though, put on her mild show of displeasure with me again, but the girl just didn't have it in her, and was quickly smiling. For sure, Sally made a real steal when she made off with Ariel. It was comical how she did it, too. We all heard her when she approached Ariel for the first time. 'Hi, I'm Sally Harriman of the Harriman's of nowhere and nobody's ever heard of us. What's your name, and may I have this dance?' They finally danced, but it took a while for Ariel to quit laughing. Laughter is good for body and soul, and for pick ups too. Sally came up with a dozy with that line, but then she was good at that. As we chatted on and enjoyed each other's company, I saw a girl come in, and she riveted my eyes, my heart, and everything else in me. Good god, she was amazing. I watched her move tentatively, then waved in our direction. My peripheral vision saw Ariel had been waving at her, then making sure she came over. She was red headed, slender with nice everything, and when I was introduced, there was no way I could miss her greener than green eyes. I nearly stuttered, but got by with it—I think. She said hello to everyone, then sat opposite of Ariel, and next to Ginny. Me? I was on the other side of Ariel next to Sally. Caryn! God, she was so lovely. I'd had it! I was smitten! How to approach her was the only thing in my mind, and hoped that I didn't blow it if, and when, the time came. Maybe she wouldn't like me, then again, maybe she would, or at least give me a chance, but I was sure the other girls hoped for the same. I bided my time, but too long became too long. After being too quiet, which I'm sure Sally and Ariel noticed right off, I asked her if she'd like to dance. "Yes, thank you," she said, and smiled warmly enough to melt everything, including my knees and pussy, as well as my heart. Miraculously standing up okay, I took her hand and led her out to the dance floor, happy as could be that a slow number was playing. "Ariel said you came in a couple of times. Sorry you had a problem," I opened it up. "Most of us aren't that way." "That's what Ariel said. She's so sweet. I loved her instantly." She didn't mean it as wanting to steal her from Sally, thank goodness. "She's a real doll. Sally's crazy about her." "And I think she's crazy about Sally, from what little she said about them. We sort of talked about how to ease my discomforts," she said with a bit of a blush. It looked fantastic against her skin, kind of blending with her freckles and making a different color on her face. They weren't too many, but perfect as far as I was concerned. "They're great friends to have," I said. She had on a dress with a bit of a flare to the hem, and with her high heels, she was a sight and a half. I marveled that I wasn't stuttering, she was affecting me so, and I do mean that my pussy was tingling in hopeful anticipation. "Do you come here often?" she asked. "This is our home away from home," I said. "We've been coming here for quite a while. Most of us have been together as friends since forever, save for Ariel." "I guess Sally moved fast on her, huh?" she seemed to ask. I told her about Sally's introduction. We had to stop dancing because of her laughing so much. "Oh, mercy, that's so rich," she barely got out. "She's good with words, though you'd never know it outside of her class." "Yes, Ariel told me she was a professor in college." "How about you? Where do you work—uh, if you do, that is, and don't mind me asking?" "I don't mind. I'm a supervisor for the phone company here. Transferred not to long ago. I was on staff at headquarters, and they asked if I'd move here, and I said yes, so here I am. How about you?" "Hospital records department; and assistant supervisor." It was Kismet. Magical. We talked while we danced through several numbers until they hit a fast one. She stopped. "Too fast?" "No. I just thought that we haven't gone back, just..." she blushed. It hit me then that we'd rather ignored the others, and she'd just met them. "I'm sorry, I didn't even think..." She smiled sheepishly. "Neither did I. Thank you, it was nice," she said. We went back, and I got the fish eye from Sally, and a look of 'I-told-you-so' from Ariel. It didn't bother me, I was mentally busy wondering if I could sneak any more dances with Caryn. She danced with some of the others, including Jabs, but single ones only. Jabs seemed very respectful of her, but that was Jabs. Everyone seemed to like Caryn, and a few—if not all of us—were wondering how far we could go with her, or if any of us tickled her fancy. Finally, after being polite with the rest, I eyed her at the same time she looked at me. I mouthed 'dance' to her, and her eyes lit up as a smile crossed her full, beautiful lips. "Penny—is that it, or short for Penelope?" she asked right off. "Penelope," I answered. "Can I ask you something? Kind of personal, I guess." "Sure." "Do your parents approve of you being..." she tried to find a good way to say it as if it weren't a bad thing to think about. I kind of sniggered. "Not really. I have more trouble with my father, but my mother isn't too happy about me liking women. 'It's not natural,' says my father, when he does say anything, that is. You?" Caryn's face flamed like crazy, and more, she was flustered too, something I'd not seen from her yet. "That bad, huh?" I asked. "I'm not sure, but I think so. If I ever tell them, that is." Not sure what I could, or should, say, I was quiet for a moment. "They'd disown me, I think," she said as if she was wanting me to know, and not just to break my silence. "That's why I took the transfer," she admitted, her voice dropping to where I barely heard her. "I'm sorry, Caryn. That has to be rough on you." "Yes, a bit. They're pretty much church people—Baptist, but of the real hell-fire variety. I understand all Baptists aren't as vocal as some, but I don't think I've heard of any being tolerant about lesbians," she lamented. The Devil's Gateway Ch. 02 (Author's note: This is intended for lesbians who have difficulties arising from severe church indoctrination that has affected their ability to accept their lesbianism. In Iowa, their Supreme Court opened up same sex equality. Fundamentalists launched a campaign to remove those justices who voted in favor of this, and succeeded. At the present time, an avowed lesbian pastor in the Methodist Church is to be tried for marrying same sex couples though it has been quietly permitted previously. Some lesbians have a tremendous burned within them due to the preaching of God's retrubution for disobeying his laws, and a penatly of everlasting hell to follow. This is for you if it applies, and you need help in understanding what the truth of it all is, and you wish to be free of this burden. If you, as a lesbian, do not have this problem in you, please do not deny this information to your sisters who do have this problem. All others, if this is in any way offensive to you, please read another story.) Chapter 11 (continues) Awake the next morning, I awoke to Caryn staring at me, then smiling beatifically. It wasn't long before I realized I was wholly uncovered, then looked downward as much as I could, and knew Caryn was bared too. "I had to see you in daylight. You're so sexy and gorgeous, and you make me want to make love to you all over again," she whispered, fire in her breath and eyes. "Have you been to the bathroom yet?" I asked her huskily. "No, but I'm going," she caught on quickly. Watching every move she made, my eyes glued to her back, loving what I knew had to be the most beautiful and sexy ass and legs. Awaiting her return, I was determined to see her fully. Caryn's hair, back, ass and legs were more than I dreamed they might be, my heart palpitating wildly on seeing her, and knowing I'd see the rest of her in a minute. When she stepped out, she stopped to smile at me, but I only glimpsed a small view of her from the front, but her profile was every bit as alluring as the back of her, with her breasts standing nicely rounded, firm, and upright, her nipples erect and larger than I thought they were. "I can see you wanting me, Penny, and my heart is beating so hard, and making want to be back in bed with you. The way I feel right now, I want you to want me like that forever," she whispered, her words a sweet hissing in my ears. Waiting for more of her, my own heart was doing some fairly wild things too. When she did come back, she moved slowly, teasing me, giving me what I was wanting. The frontal view of her was breathtaking, the hair covering her pussy like a magnificent flame, and it burned my eyes and my mind. It was as gorgeous as the hair on her head. Looking at her heaving breasts and enlarged nipples, my pussy didn't want to wait any longer, but it had to. I looked into her eyes that were more than inviting me to hurry, seeing all of the beauty of her, I gasped. "Your turn, my love," she said, bent to kiss me, her luscious tits making me wish I didn't have to do anything but love her, but then she moved aside to watch me, but not quickly enough that my hand couldn't brush one of them as I got up. As much as I could, I gave her the show she'd given me though I knew I'd never match her in beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, though, and my beauty, to Caryn, was every bit as I thought hers to be. There was pure lusting in Caryn's eyes as she looked at me in profile. "You have the sexiest breasts," her lust voiced itself. "Hurry and show me more, then let me love you again." As much as I could, I hurried so I could give her the same frontal view of my body as she'd given to me. When I did, I was rewarded by seeing her magnificent breasts rising and falling in a rush, her eyes flashing as if the color in her hair was in them. "I was a fool for making us wait," she said, took me, and pulled me bodily, and swiftly onto her. We couldn't wait to make love to each other. Licking each other in a frenzy, we both had an instant orgasm, then slowly rewarded ourselves by loving less frantically. I took the time to allow my eyes to catch glimpses of her hair color, then I became as a moth trying to bury myself in her lighted fires. I'd seen Caryn's skin color, and how it melded with those delightful freckles of hers, but they were more than delightful on her naked self. Caryn was one of those lucky red heads whose skin was the coloring of milk mixed with the right sprinkling of freckles that gave her skin an unusual cast, as sexy as pure, unadulterated beauty could be. What I had seen last night was only a tease, not nearly as revealing as by daylight. When we were sated, we hugged and kissed, and held each other, enjoying the after glow of our love. "My lease is over in a little over a month," she teased me. "Will you move in with me then?" I asked hopefully. "Why wait?" she grinned. "I'll gladly pay for another month to get my larger deposit back afterward, and maybe I can move what I want in the meantime. Clothes and personal things so I can go to work from here." She was smiling at the look of disbelief in my eyes. "That would be super, hon," I said, and kissed her as she squealed softly, happily. "Yes it would. Why I made us wait is so grating on me. Our love has been so beautiful; much sweeter than I expected it would be, and way sexier too. Mercy, how my gut felt in wanting you last night, not to mention my pussy, then just a minute ago." "You liked it, huh?" "Mm, what's not to like. Though I had no idea what it would be like to love on your pussy, it nearly freaked me out how much I loved it. The way your pussy smelled nearly had me in heaven." "Maybe I'll make it even better for you later on today," I said, my mind going like crazy. "How?" she asked. "By shaving my pussy. You'll love the way it feels to you, and what it does to me isn't bad either." "Really?" I nodded. "Can I shave mine too?" That had me worried. I loved the way the hair around her pussy looked, it's flame coloring as if inviting me to dine on the sexiest of pleasures. In my mind, it almost winked at me like a sultry siren teasing me. "What?" she asked, seeing me wondering. "Honey, I love the color of your hair on your pussy just as much as I do on your head," I sorrowfully let her in on my dilemma. "Okay, so how about if I leave some for you? Would that work?" My face lit up before I thought about it, but thinking, I loved the idea anyway. "That would be great," I said. "Good. When do we do it?" "Can we wait until after coffee and some breakfast?" "I'm not sure I can wait that long," my beautiful and suddenly horny Caryn said. We had our coffee, then gulped our breakfast, and just as swiftly, we were in the bathroom. I demonstrated to Caryn how to shave her pussy. To say she was all eyes is a vast misnomer; her eyes were riveted on my pussy. She particularly enjoyed helping me by pressing the hot washcloth to my pussy when I told her to. My pussy enjoyed it too. How could it not? Done with mine, I stood before her as she labored to breathe, then her hand went to my shorn pussy's lips. Caressing it, she let out a long moan, her eyes closing, and before I knew it, she was on her knees, her face going to my pussy. I groaned. The suddenness of Caryn moving to take my pussy in her mouth was instantaneously thrilling to me, my heart palpitating, and my pussy running to give her all of my love. I leaned a hand against the wall, and as best I could, I lifted my opposite leg to give her better access. Caryn was loving my pussy, her tongue slithering in and out, up and down, relishing making me helpless as I gave everything up to her. As spontaneous as Caryn's loving of me was, how instantly she transported me, that quickly did I have my orgasm. It was so delicious, a treat unlike any I'd ever had. "I can't believe how I love eating your pussy," she whispered dreamily, daring to take another lick to make sure she left nothing of my love's response. "I'm glad you do, hon. First you killed me by staying away, and now you're killing me by taking me without notice. I loved the first, but I love this part of you more. God, I love you, my beautiful and sexy lover." "I love us being lovers," she said, taking a last lick before getting up. I couldn't help it, I took her face between my hands and kissed her hard. Gasping for breath, we looked at each other's eyes that were filled with a lust that had swelled in us again. However, we still had to quit and shave her pussy, and we did reluctantly. Yet, I wanted to do it in a rush to get at her treasure, to plunder it with my tongue. Caryn started on hers, a bit nervously at first, but then more confidently after that. Putting baby oil on her pussy, followed by the hot washcloth, she groaned loudly, and licked her lips with her eyes closed. "That felt so sexy I nearly had an orgasm," she said, still overly excited. The cloth must have been heated perfectly, not to mention my hands moving salaciously on her pussy. The rest was somewhat slow, but easy, at least on Caryn. When it was finished, she looked at us in the full length mirror I had. "I feel like a high class call girl," she said, her hand sneakily touching my pussy, feeling of its smoothness once more, and how wet it still was, too. "I think I like that you wanted me to leave that patch there. Think it's okay for you like that, or should I have taken more off?" "Uh-uh, it's perfect. Come on, I'll show you." Her eyes said she was ready to be shown. She was surprised when I had her move so she could sit on my face, but after that, it was the sexual thrill of a lifetime for her. For me, it was similar. The thrill of a lifetime, yes, but also a dream come true, for I loved the feel of her naked lips on my face, and how I didn't miss a drop of her love. I loved her until she crumbled off of me. She'd enjoyed it too much, jogged wildly on my face too often, her body not wanting to quit at all. "That was so beautiful," she said after she'd finally caught her breath. "The feelings were so magnificent, so sensual and sexier than anyone could ever imagine." "It is something, isn't it?" "Yes—something else. When my body catches up with itself, you know I'll have to have you like that too, right?" "If you wish, and yes, I hope you do wish, but if need be, I can wait. I've waited this long for you, hon." "You have, haven't you? Only making love to you will keep me from being so sorry that I made you wait so long, and me too." "It was worth it," I said emphatically. "You know, when it all catches up with me, I'm going to be so angry at that damned church, and my parents too, I guess, but right now, I don't have time for anything but our love," she said, reaching over to kiss me. When she was ready, she was more than anxious to have me sitting on her face. Only making love with the woman you love can make love better, and I was in love with Caryn so much that I knew my heart strained to contain it all. Still, I wasn't ready for how Caryn continued to eat my pussy as if she adored it, she was so loving in her lust and passion. When I fell over, I knew I'd been loved as I'd always dreamed of being loved. "You were right," Caryn said. "Your lips felt much sweeter without any hair around them, and I loved taking all of you I could into my mouth. That was such a sexily naughty feeling. It's ridiculous to feel that way, I guess, but mercy, I loved it," she gushed happily. "My pussy loved you loving it too," I said, and tried to smile. After resting a bit, Caryn was restless. "Penny, can we go bring some of my clothes and things over here now?" It was still early, so we went to her apartment three times and wound up bringing just about everything but furniture. She vowed to sell the furniture. After dinner, we sat cuddling, happy to be together, kissing every now and then, but content. At least for about an hour. "You know I'll have to go see my parents sometime soon," she left it hanging there. "If you wish," was all I said. "When I do, I'd better go alone, and maybe plan to stay overnight if they don't throw me out. If they do, I'll be here quicker," she grinned slightly, but I could tell she was nervous. "Whatever you think you should do, do it, but be careful and don't let anyone get to you, or make you feel too bad," was all I could say. "I won't. Think we can go over some of what Liv said now?" she asked, seemingly anxious to continue learning. We read some, talked about it, mostly reviewing things. "I like how she phrased the timing of Ezra and the time of the Maccabees," she said. "That was interesting. The Jews suddenly looking for a messiah was interesting too, though they'd never heard of it before. That was kind of shocking to me. And them wanting the God of their fathers that never was, the miracles that couldn't have happened, but they believed in it, and even more in those days of the Maccabees. It was really heroic the way they won. Thank goodness there were no tanks or airplanes back then." Later, it was to bed, and more loving, but it was a quieter love we gave to each other, a more tender love. Chapter 12 We both arrived home about the same time, Caryn out of her car as I pulled in with mine. We were careful outside, but inside, we tore our clothes off as fast as we could, and ate each other on the floor of the living room. Our love, passion, and lust had been turned loose in us. I wondered when we would taper off, if ever, that is. "I've been thinking about you all day," she breathed heavily. "Me too," I said, just as worn out by our sudden passion, or was it pure lustful desire to get at each other? We made it through the rest of the day in a more reasonable fashion, and the rest of the week too. Caryn did some furniture selling until her apartment was just about empty, but she paid the last of her rent as if she was still there. She had her phone disconnected, but her number forwarded to my phone. I had her answer it if it rang. We did make it to tell Sally and Ariel on Tuesday. When she heard it, Ariel let out one of her fabled quiet squeals of joy, and hugged Caryn for the longest time. My hug was respectfully long, but not as Caryn's was. It was fine with me, in fact I knew that's how Ariel would react. We had dinner with them that night. * * * * "The Jews just about weren't," Liv said to begin our class. "Before Ezra made it to Jerusalem, they might have disappeared. It wasn't the first time either. Circumstances were in their favor, things worked out for them as if they were meant to. But then there were the Seleucids, Antiochus IV Epiphanes in particular, who fired up their religious fervor. The Maccabees came to the forefront of their history, and the creation of the zealots, and with that, the Qumran community, maybe simultaneously, maybe not. Some thought that those in the Qumran community were peaceable Essenes, and there may have been such, but there were those who took the idea of a miraculous Messiah very serious. They wrote books, or scrolls, excoriating their enemies, and in code, talking about the righteous one and the messiah. Jesus wasn't the only Messiah though. A few others that claimed that distinction, and one even defeated the Romans in about 66 A.D. The Jews had fully bought into what all was written by the Daniel of their scriptures, as well as a miraculousness that would come to pass, and many thought soon. "The main thing was that the Jews believed as never before that they were God's chosen people, and that clung to them like the smell of foot odor, and I don't say that meanly, just by way of saying that they were Jews now to the end. However, many of the Jews outside of Judea became much as the people they lived around, especially the Hellenist Jews. There were, at that time, many Jews among the gentiles. Greek was the common language everyone spoke, not the Latin of the Romans. There was a huge Jewish community in Alexandria, Egypt, and large Jewish communities in many of the large cities, including Rome, Syria, and, modern day Turkey, and of course, Babylon. "Those Jews outside of Judea were to play a very important role in what was to happen. When Jesus died—he was apparently a historical person according to about three sources, including the Jewish historian, Josephus—his disciples tried to make others believe in him, or so the book of Acts tells us, but that book has its own problems with the truth too. What was probably true was that Jesus' brother, James, whom the Qumran community is believed to have called the Righteous One, was recognized as the head of the Jesus community in Jerusalem, and not Peter. "Paul came later, that was for sure, but what to believe, other than that he also apparently was a historical person, we can't truly say. What we do know is that he came some years after Jesus died, and they say he was originally a persecutor of those Jews who believed in Jesus. One book says he was sent to bring heretics to Jerusalem under a letter of authority from the temple priests. Some scholars say that wasn't possible because under Roman law, to which they were subject, only the Roman authorities could issue warrants for arrest. "However, Paul, it is written, had a revelation directly from Jesus, and thus he claimed apostolic authority, but it was as he said that he 'knew' Jesus to mean how things should be. "How he 'knew' conflicts literally with James, and it is in the New Testament, whereby Paul says faith, through grace freely given by God, is the way to go, and not the keeping of the Law, versus the epistle of James saying one must keep the Law. How did that happen? "We can only guess, but when taking how illiterate everyone was, and how the church was very slow in forming, they didn't have the time, I believe, to check every little thing. Things remained as they were through most of the 1800s, and thus we now have the two differing beliefs: grace or works. No matter, if they saw it, they ignored it, but there was nothing they could do at that late stage of things. That's just my opinion. People weren't supposed to read the bible, just take their word for what they were told it said. "Paul also taught the resurrection of the dead, and Jesus coming to take up the living elect in a rapture that they might escape the tribulation that was to come. It's a funny thing though, to note that the Pharisees, of whom Paul claimed to be one, and the Sadducees, differed on the raising of the dead. As I said, this was a new idea from somewhere in the days of the Maccabees time said to have begun with the Pharisees. "Jesus is said to have the same thoughts. How sure can we be that the words weren't put into Jesus' mouth, or if he really spoke them, none can say. Annie, please read in the gospel of Matthew, chapter 24, verses 21 and 22, Rachel, you see if NRSV agrees, okay?" The both nodded, and Annie read, with Rachel agreeing. "A tribulation, days shortened, and the 'elect'. Now read verses 34 and 36, then 40 and 41 please." Making sure she had the verses right, Annie then read them, and Rachel agreed they were the same in her bible. "So, this generation, Jesus' generation, will see these things happen, but no one knows exactly when, and then there will be two in the field, and two grinding, one of each will be taken away, and the other two left behind. Hmm, there's a 'me-too' book by that name, I believe," she said with mild sarcasm. "Let's see what Paul says about it. Annie, a few books after the gospels, find 1 Corinthians, chapter 15, verses 12 and 13, and Rachel, keep us informed of any significant differences," Liv said. Annie read, and Rachel again agreed with the reading. "Some say there is no resurrection. Like the Sadducees and others, I guess. But, if there is no resurrection, then Jesus wasn't risen from the dead. Paul agrees, but says there was a resurrection, and more, he preaches it in other books. The Devil's Gateway Ch. 02 "And the Evangelicals, as well as the fundies, agree too, and so much so that the fundies, and some Evangelicals don't mind if there is atomic warfare over Israel for that will mean it's the end times, and they don't expect to be a part of it since they think they'll be raptured by Jesus. Now isn't that totally sweet of them not to care about anything, or anyone else unless you're a part of the elect?" she ended totally sarcastically. "Let's see what another writer says to help our understanding. "There is a book on the resurrection written by Giza Vermes, a recognized expert on the Jews and translations of biblical works of the Jews, his book titled, what else, 'The Resurrection'. He is Professor of Jewish Studies at Oxford, his book tells us, and he also wrote a book on the Dead Sea Scrolls, 'Complete Dead Sea Scrolls', as we might expect. "In this book I mentioned first, he says that main stream Jewish thought until the start of the second century BC—that book still uses the old way instead of the B.C.E.—they thought all humans had a diminished, joyless subsistence in a land of darkness they entered into through the grave. The second century is 199 to 100 B.C.E. The Jews didn't expect any other thing, just a full and good life on earth with their families. "In the time of the Babylonian exile, the idea came up with Ezekiel's prophecies, if there really was an Ezekiel, that were mystical, his 'dry bones' vision being revived, '...symbolized the resurrection from the dead of the people of Israel...' , Vermes writes. But he says, 'It found it's first formulation during the latter part of the third century'—that's 299 to 200 B.C.E.—'and gained strength in the course of the second and first centuries BC.' right along with the righteous one and the messiah. "It's a very interesting and enlightening book. Do I give it credence? Much more than I do the bible." Liv paused for a moment before continuing. "Ladies, if I haven't made it clear to you yet, I personally think the bible was manufactured by the Jews, but not for nefarious worldly purposes. It was created to give their people hope in a time when there was little hope. Several times, the Jews were just about done away with. "Go back to where I told you that Ezra made them all listen to him read the Law, and how the Levites had to interpret it to the people—give them the understanding of it. Karen Armstrong in her book that I mentioned already, believes that this was the first time they'd heard of the Law, that it was new to them. I think I agree with her. "More, it was the instilling of the Zeitgeist that hasn't changed to this day, save in some, and in many, they don't care, they're just Jews, and want a homeland as they had before, but I don't think they'd like being called Canaanite," she said with a grin. "Remember that those were bad hair days as they'd never seen before, and they lasted for many centuries. Thus, when the Zeitgeist stuck after Ezra, it didn't leave them, but only strengthened when Antiochus IV Epiphanes rubbed them the wrong way. That's when it all started up again. We're given nothing about Alexander going through their lands until this time, but the Jews seem to have been pretty good people, and probably believed that their god was keeping them safe, at least until the time of the Maccabees. "How Antiochus IV Epiphanes treated with their worship, and how he desecrated it, stirred the sensibilities of the people—it was a kick in their pants, and the Zeitgeist served them well this time. However, it wouldn't be enough after the Romans came along, which wasn't too long in coming. Then it was like an unneeded habit they couldn't shake, nor did they want to shake it. The zealots born, the Zeitgeist in place, the people for lo these several hundred years now knowing only the Law and nothing else, fought time and time again, and with the advent of the Pharisees renewing the resurrection, and the prophet Daniel's words of 'The Son of Man' coming in the clouds as a warrior to free them all, and rule the world too—but there was no Daniel." She grew very silent, and slowly walked about the room looking us all over meaningfully for a while. "Do you see how this all happened, how it all took hold in the Jews, in their times of need, their almost destruction early on, then the threats of it all over again? The world was closing in on them, and they didn't realize it, didn't seem to understand that the world had changed, that there was so much more outside of their area, so many more nations with ever growing power. At that time, all they had was their Zeitgeist, and their new and complete belief that their god would save them, come in as a miracle as he had in what they thought was the beginning days of their ancestors, of Abraham, Jacob, and of Moses. "They believed it so much, so dearly then, that they did fight the Romans even after the destruction of much of Jerusalem, and the razing of their Temple that Herod had built. modeled after what Solomon's temple was thought to have looked like. That was about 70 A.D. "They believed, and they lost. "And they would keep losing, but kept hoping for miracles just as their forefathers had been blessed with time and time again—and they never doubted it would happen for them too. They seemed not to know that it had probably all been made up to keep them believing in themselves as a people. If it was all a made up story that they believed, they paid a dear price for it. Worse, they paid over and over again." After another time of silence on her part, she announced a break. "We'll look at a bit more and see what happened when we come back. Think about it if you wish, or let it just soak into your heads. It's a lot to digest." Chapter 13 "So the Jews believed something that never seemed to have ever happened. How could they have doubted it? Their leaders said it was so, and one of them even had a king's letter authorizing him to make them listen, and then their priests made sure they understood. Keep God's law, and God will take care of you. They couldn't read, they couldn't write, and there were no libraries, there was no Internet, nothing but what they were told, and they anxiously obeyed, and now they were in another pickle. "Yes, the Maccabees fought and won, but there weren't any miracles, but they didn't stop to think about that. Nor did they stop to think that Antiochus IV Epiphanes was only one small king. By the time the Romans came, they had been taught that there would be a messiah, and God would rule over all. Once again, nothing happened that was good for them, and they kept losing, and all because of their newer, and morphed belief. "That's what we went over before the break. Are there any questions?" Liv looked about; nobody said anything. "Now we're going to find out about 'miracles' happening again—or were they? You'll have to make up your own mind on that just as you'll have to make up your own mind on all of this. Let's go on and see what happened next. "I won't go much into Jesus. As I said, he does seem to have been a historical person, though only lightly mentioned. What about what the bible tells us? The real truth about the gospels is that we have absolutely no idea who wrote them. None! We were told whom they were attributed to for centuries, but no one ever said, until lately, that the real authors are unknown, nor that we have no originals of their writings. "However, they tell us that Jesus performed miracles. People healed, thousands fed from just a few fishes and loaves of bread. Did they eat the fish raw? We're not told, but before we even start, there's something peculiar about the gospels, and that's their order. The Gospel of Mark is said by one and all to have been the first written somewhere in the time just after the temple was destroyed, yet it is second in the order of gospels in the New Testament. Why? "Maybe it's because Matthew's account has a much more Godly sounding, miracle filled, feel good accounting in it. He tells us that Mary, Jesus' mother, was a virgin somehow miraculously inseminated by the spirit of God, never touched by man, and that she gave a virgin birth. Remember me talking about the bishops agreeing that the word in Isaiah that was rendered 'virgin', where they originally got that, was really better rendered 'a young woman'? Remember Andrew St. Victor in the 1100s finding it shouldn't have been translated as a 'virgin'. "What happened? When the Jews in Alexandria translated the Old Testament, the one that was called the Septuagint for the supposed 70 rabbis who did the translation, they translated it into Greek, the language they all spoke. When it was, the Greek word they used meant virgin, and the church back then liked it, so they kept it, and made up the virgin birth thing. Did anyone know about it being mistranslated back then. We know that Andrew St. Victor did, but they really, really liked it, so it went no where. Besides, it made a better start to the Gospels with Matthew saying Mary was virginal. "In fact, I'm of the opinion that there was a lot about the New Testament that was probably overlooked, or never seen or realized to possibly be in error. Why? Because there were two new Zeitgeists in place. Well, morphed enough to sound new. "The Zeitgeist being morphed was the God of the Old Testament, and how the Jewish belief in a messiah was being believed when the troubles with Antiochus IV Epiphanes began. Christianity almost never took hold. It had a lot of sects vying to be seen as the true church of Jesus. And before 70 A.D., the Jews had a three year stint of freedom from the Romans thanks to Bar Koseba. R. Akiba—I presume the 'R.' stands for Rabbi—proclaimed Bar Koseba to be the messiah. "You can see by this that the Jews certainly were believing in their writings of how they were supposed to have begun as a people. Then in the last days of Jerusalem and the temple according to Karen Armstrong, the Jews were scattered. It was about that time that the Gospel of Mark was said to have been written. "Just before Mark, though, there was Paul, the one with the most books in the New Testament. He had been somewhat successful in telling the Jews about Jesus, but it was mostly the gentiles that he converted. The Jews, however, were strong for Judaism and new popular disciples from a place called Yavneh, was keeping Jews as Jews were in those days. "Ladies, from here on out things will really move fast, so I urge you to read Karen Armstrong's book, as well as any by Bart Ehrman. Why will things move fast? Paul laid a foundation. How true it was is up to each of us to determine. When the Jews finally lost their freedom again, as well as their temple, Marks gospel came out, but remember, there were no books, and the people were still illiterate. Combine that with the Jews from Yavneh, and it all was very intriguing to many people. The poor were attracted to a promise of something beyond the painful life they had, but some intellectuals, human that they were, also became intrigued by the various forms of Christianity. Did they bother to verify things as you're doing, as our textual critics are doing? I pretty much doubt it, but many bought into Christianity. "There were three more gospels written besides Mark, as well as the book of Acts of the Apostles. Two other gospels are believed to have been written in the 80s, and John's gospel in the 90s. There were so many churches that celebrated Jesus in various ways, some having this bit of information, some having something else. Believe it or not, this lasted until Constantine pushed them to come up with one belief for Christianity in 325 A.D., and that's where the devil was really written into the details, about three hundred years after Jesus was said to have been crucified. That's longer than we've been a country. Can you imagine how our country was 200 years ago, or even in those roaring twenties? I have a hard time with that, things are so different. Things weren't that different for them, for the Zeitgeists were in place, and those for Christianity and for Judaism were very much tied together. "You see, with all of those churches that grew out of Jesus' time, and all of them believing they were right, there was no New Testament as we have now. However, one fellow, a rich man of influence named Marcion, a Gnostic, put together the first known New Testament which included one gospel, Luke's I think, and several of Paul's letters, many of which are now thought or known to have been written by other than Paul. Back to Marcion, he was popular, but his religion was destined to fail simply because it asked a lot of each person, and only the well-to-do could do it. This was about 110 B.C. It would be over 250 years before another New Testament would be in place, and then only in Alexandria. This was in 367 A.D., and proclaimed for the bishopric of Athanasius of Alexandria, Egypt. Imagine, this was close to fifty years after Constantine made them come up with one common belief. That truly illustrates the continuing chaos in the church that wasn't yet a real church as we know it. "Between Marcion and the counsel of Nicea that Constantine ordered, there were many of what were called Church Fathers. Some very popular ones were Clement of Alexandria, and a disciple of his, Origen. These people took to Christianity so much that they developed ideas of what Jesus, as Christ, or messiah, was, then they fought about it. Origen was one of the most famous. He was so dedicated that he cut off his own testicles lest he should be tempted by any woman to be less than holy and dedicated to Jesus. Tempted by little ole us?" she asked with an innocent and shocked look on her face. We had to laugh. "This guy wrote huge books, and they're still available, but how accurate, or in what form, I haven't looked yet, so I can't say. Another of these Church Fathers was Iraneus who also wrote voluminously. And, of course, our favorite, Tertullian who said we—women—are the devil's gateway, or as some have it, 'You are the doorway of the devil'. He was so sweet to say that about us," she said sarcastically. Again, we laughed. "Oh, Tertullian became a Gnostic later on. "Gnostics! They came up with elaborate Zen type ways of believing, some saying Jesus was in a man's body, but left that man's body to die on the cross as he went to heaven, and other such things. They did ask a lot of people, but again, most believers in Jesus and the resurrection were the poor and illiterate, and they were the most populous, so what they believed was the winning church. That had to be important to Constantine in his time. "These men, these 'church fathers', as well as others, all patriarchic, set up what the church would ultimately look like; a synthesis of many of their writings, but they were like philosophers gone wild, unable to wait to join in the fray of what they, with their fabulous intellects, thought was the next best thing, and they could direct it as only they could. As far as I know, there wasn't a textual critic among them, nor any real questioners save to defend what they wrote, or tear apart something someone else that was contemporary with them wrote. "So we had a sort of dog fight for the hearts and minds of people, and the intellectual shaping of the church. What the Jews bought into, a messiah who was to come and rule the world and save the Jews, became what Jesus, then Paul, said would come before this generation was up, but since that didn't pan out, it was changed. Circumstances didn't permit it happening, but that couldn't be revoked, so it was changed—to a coming, and goodness only knew when. It was morphed to this newer belief that was supposed to be accepted as from Jesus, though we know it couldn't have been for they left the writings alone, and now they're stuck with those too. "What kind of foundation is that? A changing one, is what kind it was, and still is. Yes, in due time, all things change in our world—that's the nature of things, but they tried to say that what they taught was of God, of Jesus, and as such was an unchanging thing; that's the religion they cobbled together. The main thing is that the people bought it. What else could they do? They couldn't read, they had no way of doing any historical textual criticism. They were as captive an audience as ever was. Besides, the church people never thought things would ever be other than as they knew them to be—the people would always be ignorant, always need them to interpret God's will for them. "Then there was Augustine! My, my, did he ever lay it on us all. He decided that we were all living in sin from birth—original sin. For ever so long, it was what had to be erased in us. Adam's sin that the nasty ole woman led him into. Baptism was morphed by this new teaching. It used to be a ritual that many followed daily, a cleansing ritual, but now it was the forgiveness of a sin that never was, that couldn't possibly be. "So there's some of the main church fathers, but what ever happened to the church? It fought to be allowed to be, a peaceful, god-fearing group of communities that only wished peace to everyone. They even went to the arenas to be fed to the lions with brave and peaceful hearts, we're told, and apparently it truly happened. What happened afterward though? As I said, there's a lot, and I'm skipping over much of it, but I think it'll make sense to you this way. "A writer that I don't necessarily agree, or disagree, with on his conclusions, but has interesting time lines of the history of what went on is Michael Baigent . In his book, The Jesus Papers, tells us that in about 257 A.D., a bishop of Rome, Stephen I, proclaimed himself Pope over all of Christianity. In 268, Valerian, the Roman emperor, decided to kill all Christians so I guess that ended him. In 303, emperor, Diocletian, ordered another persecution of Christians. "Then Constantine followed Diocletian, and he proclaimed freedom of religion. He fought a civil war, won, and called for the Nicean council to make one religion only instead of the many Christian sects. It's also reported that he gave the bishop of Rome one of his palaces. It seems to be true, but maybe not. No matter, it all went to their heads—the new Catholics, I mean. By the way, that palace is called the Lateren palace. "It all went to their heads! Boy, did it ever. This once peace loving, kind, wonderful sect of Christians who died for their beliefs suddenly turned evil. Constantine didn't want all different sects, so anyone who disagreed with what was decreed in the Nicean Council was a heretics, and they eventually felt empowered to do as Constantine wished. Heretic is what the early church fathers fought against so much even before it was decided what was, and what was not, true Christianity, if there ever was such a thing, and I don't say that lightly. Remember, there were many sects, and no original writings, nor was any sure of who wrote what. "In 386, Priscillian, bishop of Avila, Spain, was executed for heresy. In 390 much of Rome was destroyed by Gauls. If Pat Robertson was alive then, he may have said it was God's punishment for executing Priscillian, but probably as a warning against homosexuality. Brother Robertson is famous for such sayings. You all know Robertson, right? The guy on TV that has said things happen because of homosexuality and god being displeased and letting us know it. Yeah, that guy. "However, in 401, Innocent I once more declared Rome was the supreme authority of all of Christianity. Hey, they always had the money, and maybe now they had a palace too. In 410, the Visigoths destroyed Rome. Robertson would really have had a lot of fun telling them what God was doing, and why. Okay, I quit picking on Robertson. "Let me stop here a moment, and let out my disgust with what happened with these so-called kind and loving Christians. I'm sorry, but this boils me. In Alexandria, Egypt, the then intellectual center of the empire, there was a woman, Hypatia. Her father was the head of the museum of Alexandria that was more than just a museum. He was a mathematician, and an astronomer. Hypatia was everything her father was, and more. The Devil's Gateway Ch. 02 "She is said to have lectured in Alexandria on mathematics, astronomy, philosophy, and mechanics. She is said to have taken over her father's position as head of the museum, and more, she was an inventor of note, figuring a way to remove salt from seawater, and invented a plane astrolabe, a device astronomers and navigators used to figure out latitude and longitude, as well as time of day. This was no ordinary woman—she was said to be the head of the intellectual community. "Hypatia's writings have been lost to us, but she was written about by her students, Synesius of Cyrene who became bishop of Ptolemais in Libya, an odd thing considering that her death was most likely ordered by Cyril, the head of the church of Alexandria who was later named a saint by the Catholic church. What is so hateful is how they killed her. They were said to have yanked her from her chariot, dragged her into a church, bared her, then skinned her alive with oyster shells, then, while still alive, though naked of even her skin, they burned her alive. That still rankles me for it was those same patriarchal idiots that ruled us for millennia, and treated us as chattel. "To this day, many historians say that this marked the end of science, for she was a whale of a star watcher, besides all of her other talents, and an end to what ever may have been some rights of women till these days. Hypatia's death, many believe, ushered in the Dark Ages. She was more than a woman of worth, and I wonder how many of us could have been intellectually as she was, for we still have a long way to go. There have been several years in which Nobel prizes haven't been awarded and women could have been awarded them for their work in their specialties, but it's a good ole boys club. "Now you may say, but he—Cyril—was made a saint; how about that? To anyone who might say that, I say that the Patron saint of education is Jose Calasanz. He was the head of the famed Piarist order that did a wonderful thing in helping children that were poor to learn in schools he set up. Give the devil his due. However, he protected one priest, Stefano Cherubini, whom documents from the Vatican, no less, indicate he probably sexually abused all of the poor boys of Naples, and many more elsewhere. Calasanz did try to reign him in, even reporting him, but when it didn't go anywhere, he let it be like the good Catholic follower he was taught to be. This was in the time of Galileo. Later, this pedophile was promoted to be Calasanz' boss, and the investigator of his own crimes. Calasanz' reward for being a team player was sainthood after he died. "That's how it worked back then in the Catholic church, and how it still works. If you don't believe it, just look at where bishop Bernard Law, the infamous bishop of Boston who protected father Geoghan, the one that finally blew all of the pedophile priests out into the open. Bishop Law has been moved up to have a position near all the powers that be in the Vatican; yes, he's been moved to Rome. Another good ole boy promotion by one of the original good ole boy clubs. "Okay, I'm off my soapbox for now. Please forgive me, and allow me to introduce Paula, my partner, who's decided to come and meet with you, and say a few words. A few of you have wondered aloud to me who she is; well, this is Paula." I'd seen her, and didn't know who she was, then decided that she must be one of the new ones that I hadn't noticed before. Of course, that wasn't so. When she stood, I did notice her, and closely. She was of medium height, slender, long brown, shiny hair, and a face that made you think of innocence itself, especially her eyes. She was the picture of a child-like angel. "Hi. Ah, I'm a little nervous, not having spoken at any of Liv's classes before, or even coming to one, so please forgive me. What I'd like you to know is that I was raised in one of those churches that preached hellfire and brimstone, and how bad we must be to act so differently. I suffered through many years as a young child, then as a teenager. I just knew I was the devil's seed, and wondered how he got me into my mother's womb, and that I was damned forever. "There is no doubt in my mind now that I'm a lesbian because I was born to prefer women. Boys, men, they never appealed to me, and I hated the few times I was too close to one of them, like at a prom—there were two for me, and frankly, it's a wonder my parents had me to go to them; they even wanted me to go. "My father wasn't one to say much, but there was no doubt about where he stood, for he led singing in church often—he had a rich baritone voice—and many times he led in prayer services. My mother was just as god-fearing as they called it, but vocal, though never with my father. "There were times when I was so certain that I was so bad beyond redemption that I nearly committed suicide. Then I met Liv, and little by little, though she owned my heart as soon as I met her, she taught me as she's doing with all of you, that there's nothing wrong with me but bad culture that I just don't fit into no matter what I did. My family has disowned me, but that's okay. I wish they hadn't, but that's their choice. My choice was, and is, Liv, and to live in love as is in my heart for Liv. If there are any of you that might be as I was—Liv said there seemed to be some—that's why I wanted to share this with you. I hope you'll trust your good heart, and good reason, and live joyous lives with whomever you love. Thank you for allowing me to intrude on your class." I couldn't help it. With tears in my eyes, I was on my feet and clapping. When I looked, I saw that Caryn, Sally, Ariel, and Mary, as well as the rest, were too. So was Liv who was hugging and kissing Paula's cheek. "Okay, I've given myself away. Next week if you decide to continue, I'll go over a few more things. The main thing I want you to leave with today is the thought of what the foundation of our Christianity is, how long it took to jell as it is now, and the Zeitgeists that have preserved it. Never forget to question, to wonder, to look for a solid foundation and question whether there is one, and then look at the times. Then if you're as I am, shake your head in wonder at how it's lasted so long. Personally, I think that a lack of education is what kept everything as it was for nearly two thousand years. "From a bunch of tribes that never were, to a law that was invented solely to keep those people of Israel, as they were now joining up to be, to a messiah that was invented to boost people during those horrible days of the Maccabees that would never permanently end, to the redoing of the coming of that messiah, but at a different time than even he, the said to be messiah, had predicted. "Over centuries in which the people remained illiterate, and unquestioning shortly after Constantine's time, things have pretty much stayed the same until now, but even now, there are so many who have no idea how it started, and what kept it going. Think about it, read as much as you can to help your understanding, and question, question, question, and then question some more to find the truth of the lies you've been told." We didn't leave right away. We had to hug and kiss Paula, and we all asked her to return. She cried, we cried, and we finally left with tears in our eyes. Chapter 14 "Penny, I felt so bad, and yet so good, when Paula talked to us. How is it possible to be both like that, feeling bad and good at the same time?" "Must be cause we're made to be like that," was all I could say. We'd made some very sweet love to each other, but strange in a way. It seemed that Paula hung over our persons as we loved. I felt grateful to be loving with Caryn, and if I were a mind reader, I'd say that Caryn was feeling pretty much the same with me. Paula had made a tremendous impression on Caryn, and me too for that matter. We were still with our faces on each other's thigh. "What she said," Caryn went on in a minute, "could easily have been said about me. There were many times when I'd see a pretty girl, or something pretty about one or another, and I know I would start to wish, to fantasize, but I would cut of the thought, the wish, stifle what was in me crying to get out. "When I saw two pretty women hugging and kissing, probably innocently as we women often do, I'd get that same thought trying to come to full fruition in me, but always, at first, I'd cut it off. God's children weren't like that, I remembered our pastor saying, among other much harsher things afterward. I'd see my mother's head firmly nodding in agreement." She smirked a bit. "She even gave out with one of those loud 'Amen!'s, as did others. "When I was older, it was worse than ever. My face would want to look at a girl, but I knew I didn't dare for I would wind up staring at her. I could almost feel myself start to sweat over fighting my head's wish to turn and look. It's a horrible thing, Penny. Horrible! That fight went on in me for so many years. It was unbearable when I had to take a shower after gym classes. I knew I was headed for a mental breakdown. "When I was at the club that time, my heart nearly sank into the ground when I had to leave because of that woman. If it hadn't been for Ariel coming out to me, I don't know what might have happened, I was in such a state. I was desperate to meet someone like you, Penny, and I was lucky I did, but how many others like me are still out there, fighting this as best they can? I hate it, Penny. God, I hate it with such an anger. It's like Liv getting all riled up at how Hypatia was treated, but they're just about doing the same thing now, only different, they're tearing our souls apart, skinning them and slowly pulling us apart." She started crying, and as soon as she did, I moved towards her. "No, Penny. Please, no. I don't want to leave from where I am. I have to hold you like this. Don't make me quit. Please," she implored me, hugging her face to my vaginal lips. There was nothing I could do, nothing that I wanted to do but allow her to be as she was. What I did do was to hold her warm, moist lips to my face too, kissing her every now and then, and taking a small lick of her love juices that I couldn't permit to go to waste. Not oddly, Caryn didn't lick my pussy, just held it tightly to her face. My heart was going out to her, heavy with love I couldn't give to her just then, but at last she fell asleep holding me. I did the same. * * * * When we awakened, we were both better, if more loving with each other than usual. We visited Sally and Ariel, and found Mary there too. It was a good visit, much of the talk surrounding Liv and her partner, Paula. Paula had affected us all much as Caryn had affected me. During the week, we were still mindful of that last class, and wondering more about what was to come next. During the evening, we read, talked about how it was in the early church, how they put it all together—what could they do with Constantine's sword at their necks? But we wondered how much those early church father's had poisoned the well with all of their incessant fighting, and more, their assuming so much about how and what God was. They were like little children playing make-believe; grown up child prodigies, I guess you could say, but people took them very seriously. Seeing this all as we spoke, it was as if we'd discovered that we lived among aliens, or maybe it was we that were the aliens. When one thinks about it with the sense of knowing that we had, one has to find it a very strange feeling. I know that I did. Caryn and I read several books, definitely not what Liv had called the me-too books. * * * * Paula was with Liv. Naturally, we all hugged and kissed her. Ariel spun her magic again, but with Caryn's help, and had her sit with us, but then Liv started to speak. "It's true. I don't think much of the God that this bible pushes. It's not that I don't believe in a god, it's that if there is one, this one isn't it. Why? Annie, would you do the honors again? Read from the gospel according to Matthew, chapter 6, verses 25 and 26, please. Rachel, will you follow along and see if the NSRV agrees with what Annie is reading?" Annie read it, and Rachel, as always, nodded in agreement. "I've always considered this a couple of verses that tell of a gentle, loving, and caring God, a personal God that truly was good and kind. Do any of you get any other type of feelings from this?" How could we? We knew we were being set up, but Liv was right so far, and we knew she would be right again in a minute too. "If you will again, Annie, find Deuteronomy, Chapter 2, verses 31 through 34." After she'd read them, Liv looked as if shocked, her mouth wide open. "Destroyed men, women, and children? Not a single survivor? Surely that can't be right. No, of course not. I must have the wrong passages. Annie, read Deuteronomy 20, verses 10 through 18. Yes, I'm sure that'll be better," she faked her dismay beautifully. We knew the next one wouldn't be any better. Annie read it. "Offer the towns you intend to take over terms of peace, and if they don't accept, 'you must not let anything that breathes remain alive.'? That can't be so. Rachel, I should have checked with you on the first one." "It matched. They both did." "They did?" she asked as if disbelieving. Annie and Rachel nodded, but with smiles on their faces. "Hmm, how can the god Jesus described be the same god we just read about? Can it be so? If yes, then how can it truly be that one describes him as a caring, loving god, and another not so nice at all, one who commands his people to commit genocide? Genocide is what it is, isn't it?" Liv was a good faker as she looked around in pure disbelief. "Well, darn, I guess it is so. So what does this tell us?" None of us dared try to answer, though why, I couldn't exactly say. "That it was men—it had to be men, for no god could have two diametrically opposed sides. God, if there is a god, could not be schizophrenic, or be a multi-personality like we just heard read by Annie. Then too, we've seen how Noah's ark had two different versions of what all went into it, and that can only be if men did the writing. God couldn't possibly not know that plants need sunlight to grow, to flourish, nor that gravity held the earth in a particular orbit. There have been other things we've gone over that indicate the same thing, that men wrote the bible, and not any god. I'll talk more about this later. "And the other obvious question is why hasn't anyone said anything about this before? That's easy—Zeitgeist! We know, understand without asking, that we're not supposed to ask, so we don't, we just naturally go along with it. We're born to be obedient, and that's good, but only up to a point. Why is it good? Because if it's not, as long a time as it takes us to develop and be on our own, we get into all kinds of trouble by not obeying our parents who generally try to make sure we grow up to where we can make our own decisions as living adults. But then there's culture, and it, too, uses that obedience, but often without a care or worry that parents normally have. "Many times how we're made to be eventually runs against what is best for us. Some of us get it, most of us don't—we just keep obeying and not questioning, especially in things like religion that tell us about the god that made us all, and we must eventually answer to in order to avoid hell in eternity. God never changes: he's the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, many have said. Some things are more to be obeyed without questioning than other things, and god is one of them for god is supposed to always have been, so god never changes, therefore what we're taught about god never changes. "Okay, maybe this is the final piece to why some questions are never asked," she said, holding up a bible. "Annie, not picking on you, but I've called on you so often, please tell me if you've ever read the whole bible, and if not, why not." Annie grinned. "Uh-uh. Never thought of it." "Rachel?" "Nope, me either." "Has anyone read the whole bible?" We all shook our heads. "Do you think that it might be because there's too much there? Or maybe it's too hard to follow? Or how about: doesn't seem to make sense to you?" "It doesn't," Caryn said. "Now that you make us look at it, I tried to get my answers there, but it seemed hopeless." "To be honest with all of you, I haven't read the whole bible either, and neither had Paula. We have read a lot about it lately, but we had help in understanding it. That help came in the form of reading those books I've recommended to you by people, some of them who have had training in them, who did dare to question what they were supposed to have not only learned, but accepted without question. My, my, what would I, we, ever have done if someone hadn't done much of this for us. Personally, I'm grateful to them. Now I understand what before only left me feeling confused and lost. "I'm not the only one, if I read between the lines. Karen Armstrong, in her book, says that Martin Luther was astonished when he first saw the whole bible. Martin Luther was born in 1483, and died in 1546. Since the bible wasn't printed until about 1452, I don't know how it was presented to him, but she tells us that he was shocked that it contained so many writings. If he was shocked, what can we expect the other clerics to have thought? "How can we not be lost and confused if we try to go it alone? We'll see, as already has been pointed out, that traditions have been modified, added to, changed, and, of course, there's always that little thing about a mean and genocidal god versus the good god. It doesn't make it easier to understand the bible. "Here's an interesting tidbit provided by Karen Armstrong in her book: she says the Hebrew bible wasn't settled on until after 158 A.D. in Usha in Lower Galilee. It seems they may have had some trouble understanding too. That makes it over seven hundred years that they didn't have it together. That's taking it from the time of the Babylonian exile to then. Was that because the people were illiterate and needed someone to point out what they were to know? As in Ezra and Nehemiah? "Speaking about interesting things, recall that I said a bishop of Rome tried to say Rome was the ruling bishopric over all of Christianity about 257, if I remember correctly, or thereabouts. Of course, he probably died right after that. I wondered if that particular city wasn't getting too proud of itself back then. "Well, wouldn't you know it—somewhere along the line, Constantine was said to have given the bishop of Rome what is called the 'Lateren palace. Remember me saying that? Uh-huh, a palace. Now don't you think that didn't turn their heads some? Put all of this together, and you'll quickly see how it did suddenly make them from a peace loving, kind, and gentle people into a proud, possessive, power hungry bunch, enough so that they felt they could have a bishop killed in Spain, and it not even being the 400s yet. "Yes, these guys put on airs, and took all the power they could, including killing the most intelligent person on the planet, Hypatia. Is that how it went; that they put on airs all of a sudden, things to befit their new status as leaders for god on earth? Maybe so. Let's see, there's an old book, The Two Babylons, by a Reverend Alexander Hislop. Though this man had an ax to grind, he also had the impertinence to suggest that the miter the pope and bishops wear is actually a 'mitre of Dagon', who was a god of the Philistines, and possibly the Babylonians and more. The mitre, or miter, is the hat that looks like a dunces hat, but it has two tails on it that go over the shoulder. We certainly know that neither Jesus nor his apostles wore anything like it. Hislop indicates that excavations in Ninevah show this particular hat, but it has longer tails to resemble the fish god, Dagon. And guess what? You can find all kinds of sites on the Internet showing just that, including picture proofs of it. The Devil's Gateway "Mine are Catholic, and what the pope says is what they say, and the priests so far have all been just like the pope, and no exceptions. Same with the nuns. They're pretty hardcore; I know, I went to Catholic school from the start." We connected, but it wasn't our commiserating with each other. No, I think she just took a shine to me pretty much as I did to her, but not quite as bad as me that I could tell; I wasn't sure. Once more, we danced a few numbers, including some fast ones. She was a good dancer. "How did you learn to dance so good? Being Baptist like you said, and all, that is?" "I'm Irish, if you haven't noticed, and my mother can do a mean jig. It's in my blood to dance." "I like how your blood moves you around," I grinned. She returned it. We finally returned again, and so did the treatment from Sally and Ariel, but I just smiled sheepishly though I didn't feel sheepish—I felt great! At long last, it was pumpkin time, and we all started to break up. Caryn had danced with the others again, but then with me for several more numbers. That set us to going out of the club together. "Can I call you?" I asked when we were alone in the parking lot. "Yes, I'd like that," she answered with her head lowered, but then there was more. "Penny...I think I'd better tell you now that I've never..." she faltered again. I sensed what she was going to say. "But is it still okay to call you?" "Yes," she whispered low and emphatically, and surprised me by coming into my arms and held me. Me? It was what I would have dreamed of happening had I thought it possible so quickly. There was no way I was about to discourage her, so I held her too, and hoped we'd stay right there in the parking lot till we died of old age. "Does that mean that when I have to let you go, you'll let me kiss you good night?" I brazenly asked without thinking. "Yes, I think I'd like that too," she whispered. "You'll have to tell me when to let you go," my boldness went on. "Soon," her quiet voice continued. Oh, yes, we'd connected, but what devils were troubling her? "I'm glad Ariel talked me into coming back," she said after a bit of silence. "Me too. I've enjoyed dancing with you, talking to you too. When is it okay to call you?" "Whenever is fine, but I do have to go now." We swapped telephone numbers and e mail addys. Luckily for me, she didn't like tweeting, nor IMing either. Holding her face with a tenderness that startled me, I kissed her lips. It was a soft kiss, gentle and delicate, one made to taste her lips, and allow her to taste mine, and hopefully to want more. There was more than just a tingle in my pussy; it felt as if I'd gotten fairly wet, and frankly, it all felt so delicious. Like a couple of teenagers, we both moaned softly as the kiss lasted a bit more than just a good-night one warranted. "You shouldn't of said 'Whenever' ", I found myself whispering, again, without thinking. I was suddenly on automatic. "That's okay. If you want to," she amended, but there was no hesitation. "How long will it take you to get home and do whatever it is you do?" "All of that?" she smiled. "About an hour all told." "I'll call you then," I said. "Good night, Caryn," I told her, but kissed her again. "Good night, Penny," she whispered as our eyes locked for a minute, if not more. Parting, I know I saw something in her eyes: hope? Why hope? I could only wish. * * * * I don't remember driving, and I don't remember walking into my home either—I must have floated in. That's exactly how I felt—as if I was walking on air, and singing among the clouds, or maybe the stars no matter if I couldn't see any this night. My heart wouldn't have me any other way, and if I hadn't always followed my heart, I did now. If I hadn't been feeling as I was, I'd of been a mess while waiting to call Caryn. How lucky could I get? Very lucky, I hoped. Taking a quick shower, putting on my sleep shirt, and definitely some clean and dry panties, and brushing my teeth, I got in bed and waited the final few minutes, then called her. "Hi," she said softly on answering the phone. That set us off. We talked for an hour at least, and I learned quite a bit about her, all of it fairly mundane, as well as telling her about myself, though there wasn't much to tell. Near to close of our conversation, we agreed to meet for lunch the next day at a nice small restaurant near a park. Even before we ended, if not before, I knew I was in love, and more, I sensed that if Caryn didn't feel that for me, she was considering it. Was I wrong? Maybe, but I hoped I wasn't. Chapter 3 "Hi," I said as she drew near. She was still wearing a dress with a straight skirt that didn't hug her tightly, but it showed more of her figure, which was more than welcomed by my hungry eyes. She wore flats, and her hair gathered at the neck with a green ribbon. All in all, she was more than absolutely adorable looking, as well as sexy as all get out. Caryn was one delicious combination that set my heart on fire, and more. Returning my smile, she said, "Hello, Penny. It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" "It is. I placed my order for it just after we hung up last night," I said, letting her know once more of my great interest in her. "I'll have to check with you when I want a day like this. Of course we do have to have rain some times," she said. "It can rain when we're away on vacation, or something." She laughed lightly. We decided to go to the park for more privacy in our conversation, and ordered a sandwich and a soft drink. I remembered that she hadn't drank much at the club, and filed that away as information should I need it later. Eating and talking quietly on a seat away from other people, we relaxed in each other's company. I could tell that she was relaxed; all of her motions were fluid, easy, and her smile was natural, without strain. Finishing our sandwich, I took our refuse and put it in a container, then returned. Caryn smiled, but it looked troubled. "Something wrong?" "No, not really," she said. Then, "Yes, somewhat, maybe. I'm not to sure. There's so much confusion in me. Penny, I did move to be away from my parents so that they wouldn't find out about me, and I guess to lessen any sudden urges to confess and get it out. Also, I did fantasize about meeting someone, but then who doesn't?" she forced a smile. "I do, or have, so count me in with you," I smiled as I said that. "We all do, huh? But" she went on right away, "I didn't expect to meet anyone immediately. Oh, I know I was at the club a couple of times, but the first time I was so nervous. I'd never been to a club before, and I didn't stay long, then the second time, that woman...she really scared me. As I said, if it wasn't for Ariel, I probably wouldn't have returned. Then I met you. I like you, Penny, and I'm getting all of these feelings that are confusing me. I know it's just my parents and the church, but they're mixing up so much in me?" "I like you too, Caryn. Maybe we should just try to be friends, huh? Can you think of us okay as friends for now, and see where it goes? Friends do like each other, and besides, we don't have to push anything, you know," I did my best to salvage us for my heart that was screaming at me worse than my pussy ever had, but we were moving fast. It was good with me, but I could understand Caryn feeling some uncertainty. Then too, I didn't know what all she meant by the church mixing her up, she'd said so little so far. "I guess. Why not, huh?" she tried agreeing with me. "Yeah, why not? Look, you said something about parents and church mixing up so much in you. Mixing up with what? Is there something else?" "I—I think I like you too much," she nearly sobbed it out. "It's all too soon. It shouldn't be happening like this, should it? Too fast, I mean." Well, that was part of it, or perhaps most of it. "Maybe it's just balancing itself out." "What do you mean? I don't understand." "I've been looking for a long time, Caryn, so maybe it's seeming to possibly be happening too fast with you, and me not meeting you soon enough, balances everything out. Do you think that might be the case?" I grinned, trying to lighten things up for her, for us. "Have you, Penny?" I knew she meant me looking for a long time. "Some of us like to be free, independent, some like to be like Sally and Ariel. At first, I thought I loved how I was living, but then I started to think of how I'd love to just be with someone, knew that I wanted there to be someone special to just hold and hug, and cuddle with, and not just have sex, wake up, then part, if one or the other of us haven't left yet. I quit liking being like that. I can't say I didn't enjoy it, but I wanted more, and I started to wonder and to look. It's been too long for me. Maybe we're supposed to be this way for each other. Oh, damn it, It's all getting away from me. I'm being too serious, and it looks like you don't need it like that. Friends?" I said, putting out my hand as if to shake hers, and smiled as best I could. "Yeah, sure. Okay, friends," she said, and shook my hand, but we didn't break it off, just kept on holding hands, looking into our eyes. We knew better. We had a fight on our hands for whatever reason, and we were going to have to fight it for I knew we both wanted whatever we could give to each other. It had to be with her as it was with me, love at first sight, that is. It looked like we seriously wanted each other to have our hearts. Damn, I was going to have to learn what it was exactly that I had to fight to win her, but I knew I wanted to, and bad. From what I saw, what I had heard from her, what I sensed, I knew that I had to be with her for ever and ever. It was one of those dumb things we don't believe can happen, but there it was, and I wasn't about to let it slip past me. We idly walked through the park, then down some nearby streets. Somewhere along the line, we were going to have to talk, and seriously, but my impatient self wanted us to talk now. If I had any sense, I wouldn't push it though, and I had enough sense not to push it at the moment. "Want to go to Sally's and Ariel's?" I asked her out of nowhere. Her head spun quickly, a look of being pleased on her face, but then her conscious mind got in the way. "Did you tell them we would go there?" "No, but I think Ariel will be thrilled to have you visit. She's a pain that way, but she's so sweet everyone lets her get by with her ways. You'll see that soon enough, I bet," I said with a big grin on my face. "We can't just barge in on them, can we?" "If she finds out we talked about it, and didn't, she'll give us what for. Do you want to upset her already?" My grin was still there. "Be serious, Penny," she said, but there was both a question and hope on her face. "Can I use your cell phone?" With that, her face changed to mild worry, but she handed me her cell phone. I called up their house. "Hey, glad you answered, It's me, Penny." "I know who you are, but I don't know this number. Where are you calling from?" Ariel asked. "Hold on, I have someone who can answer that." "She wants to talk to you," I told Caryn and held out her cell to her. She was a bit flustered, but took the phone. "Hi, it's Caryn," she started it. Then, "Yes, we're in the park right now. She said we could go over there, and I said we couldn't because it's not..." she stopped for a minute. I knew why because I knew Ariel. It would have been the same with Sally. "Oh. Okay. Are you sure? You're not just being kind, are you?" she must not have given Ariel time to answer the first question. "Yes, I believe you. Okay, I don't know how long it takes to get there...ten minutes? Yes, see you then." Looking puzzled, but happy, she put her cell phone away. "I guess you do know your friends. She said to come over, and she actually squealed, I think." "But quietly, huh?" It took a minute, but she figured it out fast. "Yes, oddly, she was quiet. Now that I think of it, that's the only way I've heard her so far." "Yep, that's our Ariel. Kind of like you—quiet in her speaking, that is. Okay, I haven't been around you much yet—do you yell sometimes?" She thought a moment. "Not normally, I don't think. In fact, I can't remember the last time I yelled, if I ever did. Maybe when I hurt myself. I'm sure I did then." She was being serious, but looked at me, and saw me smiling. "You smile too much," she said as if flustered, but she was just kidding. "No, nobody smiles too much, and definitely not you—so far." We laughed, but walked to find our cars. She'd parked close to where my car was. "Follow me. We'll be there in no time." * * * * We didn't get a chance to ring the doorbell. Ariel opened it, and she did squeal as she quickly hugged and kissed Caryn, then me after she'd stepped aside to have Caryn go all the way in. I'm not sure if she'd said anything yet. She was the most loveable creature in all of nature, that was for sure. "You better not have been out and not come to see us," she faked carping at me. "I wouldn't dream of it," I said, as Sally and I took our turns at saying hello. She'd already hugged and kissed Caryn, who was a tad red from the mild excitement of the warm welcome that she had to know was genuine. We sat and gabbed for a long while, Ariel excitedly talking to Caryn, but allowing Sally and I to get in a few words edgewise. When it was after four, Ariel ended our gab fest. "Come on, Caryn, help me fix us some dinner." "We can't impose on you like that," Caryn futilely tried to argue. I knew she'd lose. Ariel was a quiet speaker, but a strong and insistent one when around those she was comfortable with, and she was more than comfortable with Caryn. I saw her give Caryn a glare, fake though it was, and Caryn knew it. It was still effective. They took off for the kitchen leaving me with Sally, who didn't mind it a bit. "Ariel's the real deal, Sal," I said. "Yeah. Glad I got to her first." "First, last, wouldn't have made any difference, she was for you only. Of course some of the others weren't too happy not to have had a shot at her," I corrected Sally. "I have to say that I know what you mean." At my look, she went on. "How Caryn wouldn't go for anyone but you once you two danced, and maybe before that, had a few wishing you'd not showed up. How's it going with you two?" "I can't say yet; we're not a 'you two' yet, and may never be. We just started," I smiled ruefully. "She likes you, babe, just like you like her. You do like her, right? I mean, like as in can't get her out of your mind, as well as elsewhere?" she grinned with too much meaning. She had me. "Yeah, you're right. She does make me twitch a lot, but what she's doing to my heart is something else. I can't believe this is happening to me. I mean, it's what I've wanted for some time now, but how she hit me was stunning worse than a bolt of lightning, I guess I could say." Sally laughed. "What's so funny?" Ariel demanded from the kitchen. "Just Penny being Penny, and silly as can be." "Well, don't have all the fun without us, hear?" "Okay, hon. Promise," Sally lied. What those two were talking about in the kitchen was worrying me. What were they saying? It couldn't have been all that bad, but I did wonder. Caryn was burning in me, in my mind as bad as in my heart, not to mention between my legs. I think my heart and mind were stifling my pussy's reactions, having it hoping as they were instead of lusting as it usually did. Yeah, I had it bad, and I was a goner. * * * * We'd stayed longer than we should have, Ariel barely losing her fight to have us stay longer, but we knew it was time to go. I followed Caryn to her apartment, then saw her to her door. "Would you like to come in for a while," she asked, with an uncertain and slightly trembling voice, her face looking down slightly. "Yes, if it's really okay." She nodded, opened her door, and in we went. "Would you like something to drink? I have some wine, iced tea, and a diet cola," she offered. "No thanks. Ariel filled me up on everything." She did. There was enough left over for a week, she fixed so much. Caryn laughed, I smiled. "She does go all out, huh?" "If she likes you, and she does like you," I said. "I like her, she's so precious and caring. I'm sure that I've never met anyone like her before. I feel lucky that she opened up her friendship with me." I had sat on one end of the sofa, and Caryn came over to sit on the other end. She was nervous. Maybe too nervous, and fidgeted some with her hands. "Caryn, I'd love to kiss and hold you, but we don't have to do anything but talk. Then again, we can just stare at each other. Honest, I wouldn't mind that a bit," I grinned, trying to set her at ease. "I'm sorry, Penny; I guess I am nervous. I've never, uh, entertained anyone before," she said, emphasizing the word 'entertained' as if chiding herself. "Would you mind telling me about yourself some more? What it's been like for you? I would like to understand you better, Caryn. You know I'm more than interested in you, and I hope you're interested enough in me." Talk about increased fidgeting, that did it, then in a moment she seemed to be steadying herself, but still didn't say anything for a while. "Yes, I'm very interested in you. It's surprised me, as I said, and it's kind of scary to me too. Okay, real scary," she laughed nervously, but it was a real laugh. "Now that I'm faced with it, my doubts have flooded me like crazy. Am I doing the right thing? Was the preacher right about how I feel, that I am going to live a sin that'll lead me to hell and everlasting flames. That's what's in me, what's bothering me, and I knew it would. It's true, Penny," she said, tears beginning to fall suddenly. Quickly, I went to her, and gathered her in my arms, but very gently. Her face buried itself in my neck as I cooed softly to her, my hands in her hair, then tenderly rubbing her back lightly. "I'm sorry, Caryn. I won't lie to you, and say I don't want to make love to you, but I can wait till you feel you do want to, if you ever do. If it's alright with you, when you feel like it, I'd would like for you to talk to me about it, and maybe that'll help you some. Don't worry about me wanting to love with you. All of you is what I'm interested in more than anything." "Are you, Penny?" "It's no lie. Honest and truly. Since I met you, I can't get you out of my mind. You're one of the sweetest, not to mention most beautiful, girls I've ever met. Let me in, honey, and I'll try to be your friend more than anything right now. I promise, okay?" "Thank you," she said, and as she started to pull away, she kissed my cheek lightly. "Now that's promising," I smiled, meaning her little kiss. She blushed to the high heavens. "It just happened. I'm sorry." "Mercy, don't you dare be sorry. That was more than sweet, but I won't ask for more. Not till you're ready and want to, if you ever do." "That's so odd; we've just known each other a couple of days, and already we—you're—talking about sex. I know it's what happens, and quickly, I guess, but it's new to me. Do you often have sex right away?" she asked, a look of great wondering on her face. "I guess so, but to be honest, I've never had sex with anyone I hadn't known for some time." "Oh," was all that came out of her mouth. I quickly wondered if I should have been so honest about it, but honesty is what I wanted between us, if there ever was an us. "But I don't expect it from you, Caryn. Not right now, I mean. Would I like to? You bet, but slow is fine. You do things to my heart, Caryn, and I feel as if I've known you forever though I know very little about you. Getting to know each other over time is fine with me, and if it works out as I hope it will, that'd be great, and if it doesn't, well, I guess I cry some, and try to move on. I meant it when I said we can be friends." The Devil's Gateway "Is that what you do with your present friends—have sex, I mean." "I have. All of the girls in our group are fantastic people, but I don't love any of them as anything but friends, and I'm pretty sure they all feel that way about me. And, no, I haven't had sex with all of them." She looked a bit distraught, unsure. "I must seem like such a ninny to you. I mean it when I say that this is all new to me, but I know it's what I want, who I am. Will you forgive me my ignorance, Penny? I hate that I'm this way with you, but..." "It's fine with me. Don't worry about it. Friends!—remember?," I smiled. "Yes, friends. I remember. Thanks. I still feel so lost, so unfamiliarly lost." * * * * It ended fairly soon after that. We'd about beat it to death, and Caryn was feeling mixed up. Why? I mean, what did happen within her. I knew things could get rough with some because of church, or home, or often, both. It was both with Caryn. I talked with her again on the phone when I was home. Though it was a little strained, it was good. She was more than interested in me; we'd connected in some magical way, but we needed to find more magic, a stronger magic to fight her demons. The next day, we talked on the phone again. Caryn seemed glad that I'd called. "I thought maybe you might not." "Why, Caryn? There's something between us, and we both know it. Besides, you're good as a friend. You have an honesty that reminds me of Sally and Ariel. The other friends are pretty honest, and I trust them, but not like I do Sally and Ariel, and I sense that about you too." "I'm glad. I sense you that way too. You're patient with me, and I know that I'm so mixed up inside, and I'm grateful. What if I'd met someone who wasn't like you, and pushed me, and I'd gotten confused, and...and..." she left off finishing. I thought I knew what she was about to say. What if someone had pushed her, and she was made to feel that it's how it had to be, and had let someone make love to her when she really didn't want it, or wasn't sure? Yeah, I knew, and I was glad I wasn't that way with her, that I was there for Caryn as she needed. Even my pussy seemed to go along with my thinking. Chapter 4 Sure enough, time was our friend, our ally. We talked every night during the week, and were getting on easier with each other. Caryn was more comfortable in talking with me, and told me a few more tidbits about how she was raised, and how she kept quiet about how she felt about other girls. It was difficult to make yourself not look at a pretty girl, push thoughts away from your mind when you wanted to think of kissing someone, but the church said it wasn't right, not God's way, and it was a sin to even think that way. My understanding of her life was growing, and I knew I had a battle going that was much worse than I could ever imagine. She had two brothers and two sisters, and she was next to last in age, one brother being younger. All were of the straight world, her two older sisters had been pretty much boy crazy, or as boy crazy as their religion permitted, not to mention their parents. "They seldom asked why I didn't date, thank goodness. Yes, I did go to the junior and senior prom with a boy, but it was with a safe boy, one who was fearful of doing or saying anything wrong. He was from our church, so I knew him well, knew he wouldn't be too forward if he sensed I didn't want it. Other than that, I didn't go out with anyone. He mildly tried to ask me out, but when I started to make excuses, he quit right away. I hated to use him like that, but I didn't know what else to do." And so it went. In college, it was easier for her, though many guys tried to date her, and more persistently. There were no safe 'church' boys in college. On Thursday, she said okay to me picking her up and going to the club the next night. That had my heart floating on air, breathing of love's essence rather than drinking of it, but that was okay by me. The thought of Caryn wouldn't leave my mind, nor my heart that yearned for her. * * * * "Thank you for taking me," she said, ready to go when I rang her door bell. "My pleasure, I assure you," I gallantly said with a smile. Once in The Kitten's Korner, Ariel waved at us quickly. Her hug and kiss were sincere, and effusive. It wasn't much different for me either. That was Ariel. Sally looked on in approval, as did the others, who all greeted us in similar manner, just not as Ariel did. No one else could be or act as Ariel could. "I'm so glad you came," Ariel said to both of us, but I knew she meant Caryn. "I'm glad too. This is nice, a good place with so many wonderful friends." Those wonderful friends pushed their friendship, but not badly so, but enough to ask Caryn to dance after we'd danced a few. Caryn was a very light drinker, sipping on a glass of wine for the longest time. "I think some of the others are glaring at me," I tried to make Caryn even more at ease. "Why would they do that?" "They'd like to dance more with you, and figure if it wasn't for me, they'd get a chance to do so more often. You are beautiful, you know, and a super nice person." That did it. She blushed happily at my saying that, and put her cheek next to mine as we danced. "You're making me feel so good, Penny. Thank you. Please keep being patient with me." "I will. Hey, we've only known each other for a week now. Tell me that in a few months, okay?" "A few months? Will it take that long?" she did her best to be light with me. "Maybe not. I hope not. Then again, maybe you'll see someone else. Who knows?" I said, wishing immediately that I hadn't. "She'd have to be pretty special," Caryn whispered huskily, making my heart palpitate. * * * * For the next couple of months, only one thing had changed, and that was that we were an item, together, though not as either of us wanted. We hadn't said anything to each other yet, but it was there. I'd gone to her apartment some weekends, and she'd been to my house twice before. Our togetherness was mild kissing, Caryn mostly stopping us before it got too bad in her from both directions. It was hell for me. I'd look at her gorgeous face, note how her freckles mixed and melded with her skin over her nose, on her cheeks, and some down near to her throat and further down. The swell of her breasts would make my pussy itch without touching her, and when we did touch, I'd hear it cry out in agony. I was aching for Caryn, and though she didn't say it, I sensed she was aching for me. Our yearning was mutual. Then she was at my house after we'd gone to the club; she'd picked me up as we sometimes swapped who would take whom. We'd left a little early so we could spend some time alone. We were well into cuddling, which I loved, and we'd pull away for a quick kiss to temper our feelings. The problem was that they tempered them exactly long enough for our passions to swap place with the tempering, and we'd burn, and suffer, but with a certain joy. We were together, we knew it, and so did our hearts. In a way, I marveled at how I was, but in another way, there was no other way I'd have it for I knew I loved Caryn and wanted to be with her forever. I had to be patient and not ruin what very well might come to pass for both of us. "How long can we continue like this, Penny? We're in love. I know we are, and I know you haven't said anything to keep from pushing me. That's been very sweet of you, but I feel it too. God, how I feel it. I want us to make love, to be together, but every time I feel it, my mind goes berserk on me, and drowns all of my feelings with guilt. I can't go on like this, and I know I'll not stop being with you. I won't, I won't, damn it." That was the first time she said anything like a cuss word. "I do love you, Caryn. I love you so much that my heart and mind ache for you just as my pussy does," I was bluntly honest, but lovingly so. "I wish I could bring myself to kiss your pussy, I feel so bad for it," she stifled a small laugh. It broke the tension momentarily. Another new bit of openness Caryn permitted herself. "My pussy just said 'Thank you' with a mild gush," I added to our moment, both of us laughing. "Tell me, do you ever get past your mind to where your pussy talks to you?" It might have been pushing it, talking like that to Caryn, but I felt the moment allowed for it, that she understood, and it was all right. "It tries, I think. No, it does, but I shut it off, or my guilt does. Still, I know I get wet with the want of you. Sometime soon we're going to have to do something, but I don't want my guilt coming out and making you feel bad about making love to me, and maybe killing our love. I couldn't take that, I don't think. I just couldn't." That was as openly honest as a person could be, and my heart swelled at her talking that way with me, being comfortable enough to speak to me with her heart. Somehow we must have subconsciously made up our minds not to say anything more in that vein. We did enjoy some deeper kisses, and closer cuddling. Caryn felt so good to me that if it hadn't been for our pussies being so demanding, I sensed I would be able to control myself and be content with simply holding her. * * * * As was our way now, we talked each night on the phone, and sometimes met for lunch on our lunch breaks. Right off, Caryn got the idea to make sandwiches for us so we could have more time alone instead of standing in line to place our orders. "I talked with my mother," Caryn said suddenly, seriously. "The sister next in age to me, Angie, she's having another baby. They all have families, and my mother is wanting to know when I'll be getting married and start one. I had such a hard time not knowing what to say, I was feeling my guilt so much," she said with a far away sadness that wasn't far away at all. "I'm sorry, honey. Wish I could tell you something so you won't be feeling so bad." "Penny, all I wind up doing is loving you more and more, and wishing we could be together," she said, her tone dejected, not to mention her face. For a minute I didn't know what to say, but then there was something. "What do you say that after we go to the club, you spend the night with me. You can put your overnight case in the car, along with some pajamas, and lets see how you feel." "Won't that kill you, Penny? I mean, I know the guilt will pop up again, and..." "We'll see. And if it does, so what? Maybe in time it'll get used to the idea that we're in love no matter what that preacher said, or what the guilt tries to lay on you. Let's try it, honey. It's our life and love, and we have to fight for it." She considered that, then I saw her back straighten up. "Yes. Let's do that then. You're right, we have to try, and if it doesn't work, we'll just try again—if you can take it, that is," she ended with a worried look. "It would be worth it for you, and yes, I'll make it. I do love you so much, Caryn. You know I do." "And I love you too, my beautiful love." Park, or no park, public, or not public, we shared a soft and tender kiss that had us sighing. It was only when we broke it that we looked around, and saw no one that seemed to have noticed it, then looked at each other and laughed, Caryn's face mildly flushed. * * * * While we were at the club, Ariel asked me to dance. We'd danced before, but not lately. When she did, I knew she had something on her mind. "Honey, you're doing the right thing; you both are. Caryn has been talking to me, and I can't think of anything better for you two than what you suggested. Stay patient with her though, Penny; she's worth it. She's so worth it, honey." I knew they talked, and frankly, I was glad. There were no better friends than Sally and Ariel. "Thanks, and you better believe I'll stay patient even if it kills me, or even if my pussy commits suicide. I love that girl something fierce, and can't stop thinking of her," I said even as Ariel laughed at the thought of my pussy committing suicide, I was sure. "You're nuts, you know, but you're such a sweet person. Sally knows how to pick friends." If Ariel said it, it had to be true. "And so do you, you stinker," I said. "Yeah, I don't do too bad, huh?" We both chuckled at that, and before we went back after the tune was finished, I kissed her cheek. She hoped and prayed we'd make it, Caryn and I, that is. I know she did. Chapter 5 "Do you want to take a shower?" I asked. "Yes, I think I should at least be fresh for you." "I'll wait out here till you're done, okay?" "Ca—can't we at least see each other?" she asked, both hoping and fearful at the same time. "Do you think we should?" "No, I guess not. I'd be tempting you too much, wouldn't I?" "Maybe that's what you subconsciously wanted to do. If so, it's a good sign that something in you is pushing back at those horrible habits they put in you." "You know, I think you may be right," she said after she'd considered it a moment. I left, and in twenty minutes she was finished, and combing her hair out. Caryn was radiant! And sexy, too! And gorgeous, and I had to quit looking, and pushed further thoughts out. Caryn left with her comb, and left the bathroom for me. I took my shower too, as well as washing my hair, then put on my panties and over sized sleep shirt. "How's your hair?" I asked. "Pretty good. Need a little help with yours, since I'm done?" "Yeah. Sorry I didn't help with yours. Should have pulled out the dryer and done that before I showered." "Nervous?" she teased with a smile that was more than brave. "Maybe. How can I not be, huh?" Caryn's pajamas looked new, and they fit her fairly snugly. I quit looking again, and slapped my mind for noticing how curvaceous she was. When Caryn finished combing my hair out, we looked at each other, and like two prisoners unjustly found guilty, we sighed somewhat sadly and went to bed. We were very circumspect in how we got under the sheet, a light blanket folded at the end of the bed in case we felt we needed it. It was so strange the way we stayed apart from each other. We were too stiff, too anxiety filled. At last, no words having been spoken yet, Caryn broke the silence. "Do yo—you think we'd be okay if I laid next to you." "I hope so cause I know that's what I'd love to have you do." Caryn wiggled her way to my side, but we exploded. It was too much for us. She came to me at the same time I reached out for her, and we kissed. It was our first deep kiss, and it was torrid. We moaned, sighed into our mouths, licked our lips, and lightly allowed our tongues to play with each other. It was too much, too soon, and Caryn pulled her lips from mine, but she wouldn't move away from me. My pussy was crying real tears, and bitching at me like it had never done before. Caryn laid her head on my shoulder and cried. I let her, held her, caressed her arm and back, and wanted to cry with her. How I kept from it was something I didn't even wonder about, I just didn't do it, but my heart was very heavy with love for my beautiful Caryn. "I felt like running," she said sadly, "then I nearly went to my side away from you, but I can't move, my love, I can't. Now that I'm here with you, I don't want to leave you, and I hate that I can't bring myself to do more with you, for you, for us. Please forgive me, my love. Please," she quietly wailed and soaked my shirt, but I didn't care. She was here, and I didn't want her to leave either. "I'm glad you didn't move away, hon. Damn it, I'm so crazy about you. Stay with me period if you'd like to. We'll make it somehow no matter what. We'll beat those damned demons they put in you. Somehow we will, I promise." My voice was strained, every word meant as I said it, but I knew that I had no idea how to fight her demons, and that saddened me, and worse, there was no way I could let her know how sad it made me to feel this damned impotence. "Will you hold me?" she asked with a little girl's plea. "I'll hold you all night if you'll let me," I said, and kissed the top of her head. As I did that, she kissed my tear soaked breast. The sweetness that flooded me was like nothing else in its beauty. The spontaneousness of it gave me sensations so amazingly perfect, making my body say thank you silently to Caryn. All I could do was to pull her hard against my breast. In a way, it was all magical. We were together, and that satisfied her into sleep, a sleep that I hoped would bring her dreams of fulfillment, of love, of loving to be with me. When I sensed Caryn had gone to sleep, I cried, but with my head turned so my tears wouldn't be felt by her. It was uncomfortable to my neck after a while, but it was a discomfort I bore gladly. * * * * "Good morning," Caryn said, her face having an angelic smile on it. "Good morning. I hope you slept good." "You know, I think I did. Maybe I was so worn out, and your breast so comforting to me, that it knocked me out. Do you think my mind decided that I had part of what I really want, and told me to hush and enjoy it like a good little girl, and maybe I'd get more?" I had to laugh. Caryn smiled beatifically. I kissed her forehead, not daring to kiss her lips until I'd washed my mouth out, though I wanted to. We did hug, and enjoyed that little bit of heaven we gave ourselves, then got up, and did our morning ablutions. Getting dressed separately, I made us some coffee, then we both made breakfast. It felt marvelous having Caryn with me as we were, and knew I could truly be this way with her forever. Forever lasted through Sunday. Caryn had at least broken through to allow herself to enjoy being with me in bed, and quickly made herself at home in my arms and breast, even kissing it once again before sleeping. I suffered, but gladly, at least for the moment, contented that we'd come as far as we had. Had I ever thought that I would be as I was with Caryn, I would have thought myself crazy, but I knew I loved Caryn so much that I would do whatever it took to keep her love, and to free her to love me as we both wanted her to. * * * * Though we had to part, and we hated doing so, yet we were happy. I took Caryn to her apartment, and stayed as long as I could, but we were easy with each other as we'd not been before. We even made our dinner there, then cuddled, and kissed several times without Caryn having any qualms assailing her. We were winning—I hoped. Later that week, Caryn told me that Ariel had called her. She'd heard about a class on the bible, and it wasn't to convert anyone to a church. Indeed, it was the opposite. It was geared to lesbians, and taught by a lesbian, and it would start a new session on Saturday in the early afternoon. "Penny, can we go? I mean, will you go with me?" she asked anxiously. "Sure, if you think it might help you. You know I will, honey." She told me more of what Ariel had told her about it, and though Ariel hadn't gone to it, she believed it was a good class, word having been passed to her by a trusted friend. It was hope, but I didn't let it get away with me. "I'll try anything to rid myself of these feelings, Penny. We can't go on living as we are. Sweet though it's been it will take a toll later, and I don't want it to if I can help it." "Let's do it. You know where, and the time?" "Yes. There's no registering, just show up, and if you like it, keep going." "How long does it last, both in session length, and in weeks? Do you know?" "It's supposed to last about five weeks, or so, and they're two hour class times. She's had them at least a couple of times; the lady that teaches them, that is." * * * * At the club Friday night, Caryn was anxiously hopeful the whole time we were there, and so was Ariel, wouldn't you know it? "Maybe we should have thought to go, Ariel's been so hyper about you two going. She should have been a matchmaker," Sally said not at all unkindly; her smile told me that, as well as how she said it.