1 comments/  12356 views/  5 favorites

Sensuality, Sexuality and the Modern Woman

By: 62_goo



I have been married to a wonderful man for 27 years. Our youngest (of five children) finished school and left for College 8 months ago. I thought that my husband and I would really enjoy being 'empty-nesters.' Boy, how wrong I was! He just worked longer hours, leaving home before I was out of bed in the morning and not getting home until dinnertime. And it was a dinnertime that had been pushed back later and later.

I was frustrated, upset, even angry, but whenever I brought it up he just said that it was really busy at work and he was needed. I even thought he might be having an affair. When I spoke to a girlfriend she suggested I hire a private detective for a week or so to ease my mind. 

So I did. After a week (an expensive week, I might add), nothing out of the ordinary turned up. So I paid for another week. Still nothing. I was getting nowhere fast so gave up on the surveillance. The PI that I hired gave me some tips on what to look out for, just in case, and said that if I wasn't sure and wanted to hire him again, he would give me a discount.

So I snooped. I looked at his emails, I listened to his phone calls, and I checked his cell phone. Nothing. I resigned myself to the fact that he just preferred being at work than being home with me. I thought I was still in fairly good shape. My figure was still enough to turn men's eyes when I wore the right type of clothes. I still weighed the same as the day I was married and my boobs, while a little saggy (surprise, surprise after 5 kids and just having turned 50) weren't as bad as many women younger than me. 

After being married for so long this realisation hurt and I shed quite a few tears but I was unable to do anything more. I needed to get out of the house and do something so I enrolled in a photography course at our local Community House. I had been going for a few weeks when I saw the flyer for a weeklong seminar in our local Community House. I thought, "That looks exactly what I need." The title for the seminar was 'Spirituality, Sexuality and the Modern Woman.'

It was to be in a country retreat centre and would run from the Sunday evening until the following Saturday. The cost was quite steep but that was the least of my concerns. When I told my husband about it he agreed that I should go. He said it would do me good to do something for myself for a change.

That comment made me feel as if he knew what I was going through but maybe didn't have any idea what to do about it.

I was quite excited as the time for the seminar drew close. Actually I surprised myself with how much I was looking forward to it. It was spring, which is my favourite season. The weather can be unpredictable but when it's good, it's really good - not too hot, not too cold, but just right (as Goldilocks said).

Finally the day of the seminar came around. I dressed comfortably for the three-hour drive. It was a lovely day, which boded well for the week. I arrived at about 5pm, registered, found my room, and went back for a light dinner. One thing that surprised me was that I would be sharing. There were two double beds in the room. I wondered how that would go.

I looked around the dining room and saw about fifty women, all much the same age as me. As I settled into my meal, a late arrival sat down next to me. "Jen, what a lovely surprise. I didn't think I'd know anyone but here you are."

I looked around and saw a woman who used to work for my husband. In fact she was the receptionist, and a damn good one. "Louise, hello, fancy seeing you here. How are you?"

Louise was, quite simple, stunning. She was always impeccably made up and tonight was no exception. Her eyes stood out because she put so much time into her eye make-up. The dark eyeliner and mascara seemed a perfect way to bring out her beautiful blue eyes. Her lips looked quite seductive and her smile only enhanced that.

Her body was almost perfect too. Thin, almost too thin, but with a nice bust, which I thought was about a 32C (almost the same as me, I was a 36C). Her legs went on for miles and all the way up to her bum. I thought idly, "I would go gay for her, easily." 

We caught each other up on the gossip. It had been about five years since she worked for my husband. She and her husband moved away for his job. She confided in me that she wasn't particularly happy in her new city. She hadn't found a job and her kids had all moved out too.

I talked to her about my frustrations as well and we decided to make the most out of this week and try and participate fully. We chatted some more about how things were, our kids, and life in general. I was feeling really comfortable with Lou, and told her so. 

"I don't know why but I'm really glad you're here, Lou. It'll be nice to have a familiar face around this week."

"Ohh, thanks, Jen. It's so good to see you again. I think we'll have a fun week."

We had 30 minutes between the end of the meal until the first session that night. I found out that I was sharing with Lou. That was an unexpected bonus. I showed her to our room and we both freshened up in readiness for the evening lecture.

We sat down in a seminar room near the dining room. It had been set up in typical fashion and would be where we were going to spend most of the week.

"Ladies, welcome," said a beautiful woman at the front of the room into the microphone, "to the first, hopefully annual, seminar on 'Spirituality, Sexuality and the Modern Woman. My name is Dr Susan Rochester and I will be leading the seminar this week."

There was a smattering of applause.

"Masturbation," she said. "We all have done it and the latest studies show that it is necessary for the sake of our mental health.

I blanched, embarrassed. I hadn't masturbated for years. In fact, I hadn't orgasmed for years. I was a little worried as to where this would take us.

"Most of you don't know each other. In a way this will be a good thing because you will be able to say and do things without worrying about what people might think because you probably won't see each other ever again."

Embarrassed giggles and a smattering of applause. Dr Rochester spoke about how healthy masturbation was and how important it was for our well being, especially as we aged. She spoke well and her voice was very easy to listen to.

She left us with homework, though. She said that we should go back to our rooms and watch each other masturbate. I looked at Lou in wide-mouthed wonder. Dr Rochester had also spoken a lot about the sense of touch and how important it was to our sexuality. "When, or if, you feel comfortable, I would like you to support each other while masturbating through touch. I'll leave it up to you as to how you work this out in your rooms. Good night ladies, and sweet dreams."

Lou and I looked at each other as if in a daze. We seemed to arrive at our room without having travelled there, went inside and sat down silently with our own thoughts.

Finally, Louise said, "what are you thinking, Jen?"

"I haven't masturbated for years," I replied.

"Me neither."

"Should we, could we?" I asked.

"I don't know. And what about the touching?"

"That's probably easier, but while we masturbate? I don't know."

"Lets just sit next to each other on the bed and hold hands," Lou suggested.

"OK"

So we moved onto one of the beds and held hands. We didn't say anything for a while but it was nice. She said, "How are you feeling about what the doctor said?"

"I'm not sure but I think I could do something tonight."

"Me too," she said. "Do you feel like taking some clothes off?"

"Yeah, OK. I'll leave my bra and undies on for now though," I said.

"Good idea."

So we stripped down to our bras and undies. She had on a beautiful, frilly black bra and brief set. It suited her frame and she looked good. I had a white set on, thinking, "thank God I put a matching set on today."

Lou said, "You look beautiful Jen."

"So do you, Lou," I replied. "I haven't seen another woman in her underwear since I stopped swimming years ago."

Again we held hands. "Jen, what turns you on?" Lou asked.

"I haven't really thought about it. Probably the idea that I could make love with my husband and actually orgasm. That hasn't happened for so long I can't remember."

"What, you haven't orgasmed..."

"For ages."

"Why not?"

"Well, my husband is a bit selfish. He comes and he sleeps. I'm not sure if he realises that I wouldn't mind a little pleasure too."

"Mine too," said Louise.

"And, I'm not sure how to say this, but I always feel like I'm going to pee my pants when I get close so I try to think of other things so I don't."

"But, Jen, that's the orgasm. It feels like you will piss yourself but you never do, you just feel an explosion of pleasure."

"Oh," I said. "I'll have to remember that."

She started to touch herself, rubbing her arms and her thighs. She was really getting into this. I was mesmerised by her. She massaged her boobs over the top of her bra. "Mmmm, this feels nice," she cooed. She looked at me and rubbed my arm. "Jen, give it a go. You'll feel great, I promise."

So I did. I began by caressing my legs and then ran my hands up my stomach and over my boobs. I slipped my bra straps down and peeled the cups away from my chest. I fluttered my fingers over my nipples and felt them get hard. They felt as hard as they had ever been. It felt like heaven. 

I glanced over at Lou and she had taken her bra off. She was fondling her boobs with a fierce desire. I undid my bra too and let it fall away. That felt really good. My nipples felt as if they were on fire.

I let my hand wander down and slip under the elastic of my knickers. My hand slid across my trimmed pubic patch. I was really wet. Without hesitation I ripped my knickers off, spread my legs and plunged two fingers into my cunt. I was as horny as I've been for such a long time! I plunged them in and out, in and out. I was grunting but I didn't care. I just wanted the end prize.

I glanced over at Lou. She had also removed her knickers and was rubbing her clit with abandon. She was mewling like a kitten as she did so.

I was getting closer and closer. "I need to pee," I gasped.

"Ignore it, let it go, Jen, just let it go," Lou urged.

"Ungh, urgh, ungh, aah, aaah, aaaaah, ooh, yes, fuck, aah, ooh, fuck, fuck, I'm coming, aaaaaaaaaaah."

I came like a steam train. I squirted my juice all over the bed and onto the floor. I had never, ever squirted before. I felt limp, hardly able to move.

Meanwhile I heard a series of moans next to me as Lou came too. Her orgasm looked like it was painful but I guess I probably looked like that too.

I couldn't move but I looked at Lou. She turned and looked at me too. I leaned in and gave her a little kiss on the lips. "That was intense," I gasped.

She stared at me, grabbed my head in both her hands and kissed me with a passion that was frightening. Her tongue found mine and they started to sword fight each other. We explored every inch of each other's mouth.

We broke the kiss. "Fuck, Lou, I've never been kissed like that before." I leaned towards her, eager for more. We turned our bodies towards each other and kissed with gusto. Our hands wandered over each other's bodies this time. I grabbed her nipples and squeezed. "Oh, yeah, that's it, squeeze them tight, Jen, squeeze them tight."

She returned the favour and I just about passed out in pleasure. One of her hands went further south and flicked my clit. I was still squeezing her nipples but I got the sudden urge to see her cunt up close. I wriggled around so she could still touch me and I could get close to her pussy. "Mmmm, it's so pretty, Lou. I think I want to taste it."

"Oh, please, Jen, stick your tongue in me, lick my clit, tongue fuck me, please."

So I did. I got my first taste of another woman right there on that bed. It was tangy and sweet and slippery. I bit her clit softly. "Oh, Jen, do that again."

I did, but harder. "Oh, yes," she said. "Don't stop. Don't you ever stop."

I kissed and licked and bit and licked and kissed until I had her panting. All of a sudden she tensed up. "Fuuuuuck, I'm coming," she yelled.

I got a mouthful of girly cum and it tasted great.

All the time Lou had her fingers in my pussy, working me into a frenzy. When she had calmed down she concentrated on my cunt and it wasn't long before she had me cumming too. 

She leaned in to give my pussy a kiss, tongue and all. "I like the way you taste, Jen. Very sexy."

I rolled back so we were face to face. "I've never done that before but I'm glad I did it with you, Lou. So very glad." 

I gave her a great big hug. Tears were rolling down my face. She looked at me and said, "Honey, what's wrong?"

"Oh, Lou, these are happy tears. I don't think I've ever felt like this after sex before. I feel so close to you right now."

"Me too, Jen, me too."

"I think I'll have to remake the bed. Look at it. It's soaked. I've never squirted before. I don't know what came over me."

"Jen, you just let yourself go and this was the result."

We lay together for a while, arms and legs draped around each other. We kissed and cuddled for ages before we fell asleep in each other's arms.

The next morning I woke up to the sound of the toilet flushing. I needed to pee too so I got up. Louise opened the bathroom door as I got to it. She simply grabbed me in a great big hug, which I reciprocated. We kissed for ages. I broke our kiss because I really was about to pee myself.

I went to the loo and came back into the bedroom. Lou was lying on the bed with her arms stretched out to me. I went to her and hugged her tight. "Good morning, beautiful lady," I said.

"Good morning to you too."

We kissed slowly with a subtle build up of passion. We both knew where this was heading and I couldn't be more ready.

Louise slipped down the bed until her face was at my pussy. "Open wide, darling. I need to taste you right now."

I spread my legs and Lou dived in with gusto. Normally, with my husband, if I've had sex the night before I'd prefer not to do anything the morning after. With Louise it seemed like the only thing TO do.

She made me cum in record time. When I slinked down to return the favour I was met with wide open legs and the most gorgeous sight I think I've ever seen, Lou's cunt throbbing, waiting for my tongue to invade it.

She must have been really horny because it took me no time to get her off. For the second time ever I made a woman cum with my tongue.

We both realised that we would need to get ready for the morning session of the seminar. We showered, separately, and got ourselves ready for the day. Once again, Lou's make-up was perfect. She helped me with mine too. I rarely wear a great deal of make-up but Lou insisted. When I saw myself in the mirror after she was finished, I was amazed. She had done an incredible job. I looked ten years younger.

We made it to breakfast and the seminar. I'm not sure what they talked about because I could only think of our hour long lunch break when I could take Lou back to our room and fuck her silly.

We talked during that session about our night. "Louise," I said, "I've never felt like this before. You are amazing; beautiful, sensual, all those things. I never believed in love at first sight, and I certainly didn't think I was a lesbian or bi, but I've got to say, I think I'm falling in love with you."

She had tears in her eyes when she replied, "Jen, you have no idea hearing you say that has made me feel. I feel the same way. I think this might be the start of something wonderful."

We left that session early to go back to our room and continue where we left off that morning. It was beautiful. We found ourselves telling each other all of our little secrets. You know the ones, the secrets we don't tell our husbands - the pair of shoes that cost $300, not $50; the time we ate the whole tub of ice-cream and blamed it on the kids; when we made them go and pick up the kids late at night because we were feeling sick, but really just couldn't be bothered; the times we refused sex for no particular reason.

Throughout the week, at every break, we made love. Not 'had sex,' but made love. Then we talked.

I was amazed that we had such similar viewpoints, especially on the whole sex thing. Lou said that she often felt used by her husband, that she was just a vessel for his sperm. I felt exactly the same.

I talked about how I had convinced my husband that I suffered from migraines so that throughout our marriage I had reason to refuse him sex when I didn't feel like it.

We both talked about how we loved to be in control of the where and when of sex with our husbands. We brought this one up while we were wrapped up in each other's arms having both just orgasmed. We laughed and began to stimulate each other again straight away. 

"I have never been tempted to go back for seconds with my husband," I said, "but it feels right when I do it with you, Lou," I said.

"I'm the same, Jen. I wish this week would never end."

"Yeah, me too."

"What's going to happen when the seminar finishes? I don't want to lose you."

"That's never going to happen, Lou. I think my husband is going to have to deal with the fact that I have fallen completely, totally and hopelessly in love with you."

On the last day, Louise disappeared for an hour or so. She didn't tell me where she was going, just that she would be back. After dinner that night we went back to our room. We grasped each other's hands and kissed passionately. I was just about to undress and devour her when she said, "Wait."

I was a little taken aback. Lou disappeared into the bedroom and returned with something behind her back. She came up to me, knelt down on one knee and said, "Jen, I love you and I never want to lose you. I know we are both still married and same-sex unions are still against the law, but will you marry me?"

With that she produces a jewellers box and gave it to me. I opened it and inside laid the most exquisite gold diamond ring I think I've ever seen. My jaw dropped open and I was speechless.

"Oh, Lou, yes, yes, a thousand times, yes. I don't know when or how we will manage it but yes, I will marry you. I love you soo much."

We both began to cry, and then, as Lou stood up, we kissed each other with a passion borne out of our love for each other.

We spent our final night in each other's arms dreaming of our future life together. I had no idea what the future held, except that it was without my husband and with my beautiful fiancé, Louise.

Sensuality, Sexuality and the Modern Woman Ch. 02



The first few weeks after the seminar were really difficult. I know my husband felt that something had changed. He sometimes just looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face as if to say, "Who are you and what have you done with my wife?"

I spent those weeks trying to find a way to talk to him about Louise. She and I promised each other that we would find a way to leave our marriages so we could be together. We spoke over the phone every day. We had a code so we didn't alert our husbands. If we were free o talk we would message the other, 'Is now a good time?" If it were, the other would ring straight away. If it weren't, then the message would be ignored. 

I was so conflicted. I realised that my life up until then was fairly conventional. I married a man I loved and we raised a beautiful family. But then I met Louise again and had a really intense, weeklong sexual relationship with her. I had never even thought about another woman but she made me feel so comfortable and special that I fell for her in a big way. 

I still hadn't spoken with him when Louise made plans to come and see me. She was going to get a hotel room for the weekend and invited me to stay with her. I told my husband that some of the women from the seminar were having a weekend away to catch up and that I wanted to go.

He was fine with me going. At this stage I think he was just happy to get me out of the house. I think I was a fair bitch to him when I came back from the seminar. Everything he did I compared with Louise. He was lazy and did nothing but the bare minimum in terms of maintenance around the house. He rarely cleaned the kitchen after he had made some food for himself and he would no sooner clean the bathroom than grow wings and fly to the moon. He's even let his weight balloon to over 220 lbs.

Louise, on the other hand, was energetic and beautiful. She was houseproud and had pride in her own appearance. She always kept her things tidy. Did I mention how beautiful she was?

Anyway, as the Friday of her arrival dawned, I woke up really nervous for some reason. Then I realised that I was worried that Lou wouldn't want me anymore and she was visiting to let me know that she was staying with her husband.

As it turned out it was all for nothing. She texted me when she arrived and I went to her hotel to meet her. She had told me her room number in the text so I went straight up and knocked on her door. Suddenly, there she was, my beautiful Louise. I stepped towards her as she went to hug me. We kissed and I melted. It felt, right at that moment, like we had never left the seminar. This time, though, there was only one bed in the room.

We took it slowly, teasingly. I stepped away from that first kiss and unzipped my dress. I slowly and seductively shrugged it off my shoulders and let it drop to my waist, displaying my tits encased in a sexy red bra. I heard a sharp intake of breath from Louise. Then I let my dress drop to the floor, showing her my matching red knickers. 

She then undid her blouse. As she spread it I saw her lacy bra and her beautiful tits. She took the blouse off and undid her skirt. She too had matching knickers under her skirt. We stood there facing each other in our underwear. I tried to look at all of her at once. It drove me crazy.

She lay back on the bed and beckoned me to join her. I walked over slowly and lay next to her. We kissed, slowly and lovingly. Not a word had been spoken. I reached behind her and undid her bra. I took her tits out of their confining cups and kissed both of her nipples. "Oh, I've missed these," I whispered. 

I then attacked them with vigour. I nipped then and sucked them. I adored then. I used my hand on the one not in my mouth, then swapped. I was really enjoying myself. Judging by her shortening breaths and moans of Joy, Louise was too.

While I was doing that I felt Louise undo my bra. It fell to the bed. She fondled my tits and made the nipples stand up, hard and proud. It felt heavenly. She had a light touch but I needed her to be rougher. She must have known because she began squeezing and pulling at my nipples. My mouth left her breasts and found her mouth. We massaged each other's tongues while we explored each other's mouths, all the while playing with each other's tits.

My hand wormed its way down to her knickers. I felt her wet slit through the thin material. I felt her hand doing the same thing to me. I knew I was sopping wet. I hooked my fingers into the waistband of her knickers and began to tug at them. Louise lifted her bum off the bed to make it easier for me to remove them. As I threw them onto the floor, she grabbed the elastic of mine and pulled. I helped her as much as I could.

We were both naked on the bed. I drank in her beauty. For a fifty-year-old woman, she was perfect. Not classically beautiful but she had a confidence in herself that was beautiful to behold. She projected that she was happy with her body and confident enough to be naked in front of me.

My breasts were larger, but so were my hips. I was fairly happy with my shape considering I have given birth to five children, including twins. The look on Lou's face seemed to show she was pretty happy with it too.

I kissed her mouth, then worked my way down to her nipples. After a short stay there I kept kissing my way down to her mound. I was in no hurry but I didn't feel like teasing either. So when I eventually made it to her vagina I began kissing and licking it straight away. 

She pushed herself into a position where she could lick me too so for the next little while we lapped at each other's pussies. It was unhurried, but suddenly became more urgent for me when I felt the build up to orgasm. I began to lick her faster and harder. She did the same to me. I bit her clit lightly and sucked it into my mouth. The combination of biting and sucking saw Lou approach her first of what I hoped would be many orgasms for the weekend.

We hardly got out of bed for the whole weekend. When we weren't making love we were talking. We found once again that we had pretty similar outlooks on life. We had both sacrificed our careers for our families, me in teaching and Louise as a nurse; all of our children had left home, leaving just ourselves and our husbands; and, probably most important of all, we seemed to both have problems at home that were similar. Louise said that she felt taken for granted. I feel the same. When I said that it was like we were a piece of furniture, Lou said she felt the same. It was amazing how much we had in common.

We had both been married for a similar amount of time, Lou had just celebrated 25 years and I was up to 27. We both went to the seminar originally to do something for ourselves for almost the first time in our lives. It was uncanny. Neither had ever thought about a lesbian relationship but both felt that it was exactly what we had been searching for, for a long time. 

I had been unhappy in my marriage for about fifteen years, ever since my father died. When he died I felt that my husband didn't emotionally support me through his illness. I felt left to my own devices and with no one to talk to about how I was feeling. My husband had lost his father while he was a teenager. I think he just didn't know that I needed his support. As a result I felt abandoned and on my own when I most needed him. I had been carrying that resentment around with me for a long time and it affected our relationship in a negative way.

Louise had a similar, but more tragic story. Her eldest son was a victim of suicide when he was eighteen, seven years ago. Her husband blamed Lou for it so she was not only left to grieve on her own but carried a lot of guilt around as well. She said that counselling helped her over the worst of the guilt but she felt abandoned by her husband when her need was greatest, similar to me.

My husband complained about our sexual relationship all the time. The problem for me was that I didn't feel the deep love for him that I once did. I felt that he just wanted sex for the sake of it. Louise told me she felt the same in her physical relationship with her husband.

We really seemed to connect that weekend on a deeper level that either of had with our husbands for many years. So when we discussed her proposal, my immediate thought was to stay with her from that moment on. That was impractical, I know, but it's just how I felt. 

Louise came from a family with money and her mother was still alive. She knew her mother would support her if she left her husband. She promised me that she would take care of me too. She wanted to support me to go back to my original job in education and she wanted to try her hand at nursing again. We had both tried part-time, secretarial work while our kids had been growing up. In fact, I had first met Lou a number of years ago when she was a secretary at my husband's workplace. Neither of us wanted to go back to that again.

We made slow, quiet comfortable love with each other, both of us able to bring the other to quick, loud orgasms. We had loud, rushed sex and made each other scream with delight. One time, when Lou was devouring my pussy and making me squirm, she licked a finger and stuck it up my ass. I hadn't had that happen before but I hope I'll have it again. Instead of being on the brink of orgasm, I was a quivering mess of orgasmic bliss.

That was when I realised that making love with Louise was a completely unselfish act. We both wanted the other to feel loved and experience sexual highs and multiple orgasms. With our husbands there was no joy for us. Neither of them even thought about our sexual release. They were selfish lovers.

When Sunday evening came around and it was time for us to say goodbye we both cried. Neither of us wanted to go but we both knew we had to. We both promised to talk to our husbands about our marriages during the week and hope that it was all amiable.

I reluctantly went home to my husband. I knew what was going to happen in the following days and, while I knew it was inevitable, I wasn't looking forward to it. I arrived home, parked in the driveway and went inside. My heart was pounding. I wasn't going to say anything that night but I was still really nervous. I thought that he would be able to tell something was going on as soon as he saw me. I opened the door and stepped inside. He wasn't home.

I breathed a sigh of relief but then thought, "Where's he gone? He isn't usually out on a Sunday night."

My relief turned to anger. I knew it was irrational given that I'd been away two nights but I was angry. Typical of him really, not being there when I arrived.

I unpacked my bag and put the clean things away and the dirties in the laundry basket, separating lights from darks. I unpacked my toiletries and put them away too. Eventually I was finished unpacking. It looked as if I hadn't been anywhere. 

By this time it was ten o'clock and I was missing Louise.

I sent a text, "Is now a good time?"

My phone rang straight away.

"Hey, gorgeous, how are you? What's going on?"

"Well, my lump of a husband isn't home. I've got no idea where he is either, and really, I don't care. I miss you already, lovely lady."

"I miss you too, Jen. My husband is in bed already. He gave me a kiss hello and then told me he had an early start in the morning. He's snoring away as we speak."

I heard a car in our driveway. "He's home, Lou, gotta go. Love you."

"I love you too, Jen. Talk soon. Bye"

I put my phone in my pocket as my husband walked through the door.

"So, you're home then?"

"What gave it away, the fact that my car is in the driveway, or the fact that I'm standing here talking to you?"

"Hey, don't get your knickers in a twist, I was just saying..."

"Yes, dear, I'm home. Where have you been?"

"Out!"

"Hmm, OK, I'll play along. Out where?"

"What does it matter to you where I've been. You've been away for two nights, I've been out for two hours."

"At least you knew where I was."

"Yeah, out with your lesbian friends."

"What? What did you say?"

"I said, out with your lesbian friends," he shouted.

I was shocked that he would say such a thing, even if it were true. "What are you talking about? What would you know anyway?"

"Everyone knows that those women's spirituality seminars are a great big lesbo fest. No man in his right mind would go near any of those dykes."

"Well, maybe none of those women would want a man with that sort of attitude. Who told you they were lesbians anyway? One of your mates who can't get it up any more, probably."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm going to bed."

I was angry now. I followed him into the bedroom. "It just so happens that I met some of the most amazing, married women I'll ever meet. Some of us just wanted some companionship, some friendship, that we weren't getting at home. You never talk to me any more. We never share anything of ourselves any more. That's what I went for - to talk with people who shared my feelings and weren't afraid to say so."

He said, "Yeah, a lot of dykes who couldn't get a man if they tried. Those married ones are the worst. They say they'll love you for ever and then expect you to be somebody different or they shut off the sex."

"What are you talking about?" I steamed.

"Look, Jen, you and I both know that our marriage is fucked. I was talking about us. We never talk, we never have sex. You want me to change into someone different. And I've tried to change, I really have. But, you know, I'd rather be me and take the consequences rather than be what you want me to be and be miserable. You'll blame me and I'll blame you. We both know it. There's no point saying anything else."

I was surprised at the depth of his feelings about us. I never even thought he might be unhappy. And here I was trying to find a way to break it to him gently that I was leaving.

"Scott, I know, and I agree. And yes, I'll blame you for a lot of things. But I'm mature enough to realise that I'm not perfect either. I'll be leaving tomorrow. Hopefully we can have an amicable split. I don't hate you; I doubt I'll ever hate you. But I don't love you anymore either. I need to leave to find happiness. I think deep down you need this too. I'm sorry it had to end like this but I think it's for the best."

I walked out of our bedroom and into the spare room and shut the door.

The next morning I heard him get ready for the day. As soon as he left I got up and readied myself. I began packing my personal belongings. Apart from my clothes, my sewing machine and my books, most of the things left were jointly owned, bought for the family home.

At about ten o'clock I got a message from Louise, "Is now a good time." I rang her straight way.

"Hi, babe. How are you," I said?

She sobbed. "He hit me."

"What?"

"I told him I was leaving and he hit me. Punched my right in the face."

"Oh, Lou, you poor darling. What can I do? Is there a hospital you can go to?"

"Yeah, I'm there already, just waiting. The cops are here too. They want to talk to me."

"Tell them everything, my darling. I'll drive over right now to be with you. I told Scott I was leaving. I think he almost expected it. He's at work and I've just packed my things. I'll put them in the car and head over to see you right away."

"Thank you, darling. I need a hug."

"Oh, you'll be getting more than a hug, that's for sure."

"I wasn't sure whether to leave a note or not. In the end I took off my wedding and engagement rings and left them on the kitchen table with a note. "I'll talk to you in a few days to sort something out about the house."

I looed around what had been my home for the last twenty-seven years. I shed some tears but I was secure in the knowledge that I was doing the right thing.

EPILOGUE - Six months later

Scott and I had the amicable split I had hoped for. We both knew it simply had to happen. Fortunately he was happy to sell the house and much of the contents. We took what we wanted - I wanted the bed, he wanted the television. We both owned our cars outright. We split the money evenly between us and promised that we would stay in touch. 

The kids were shocked and saddened that we had split up. We both sat them down and explained the situation. They accepted it eventually and the fact that we didn't hate each other was a bonus.

Louise had a family place not far from where I lived. It was a little place in the country in between the town I lived in and the town she lived in. Her mother gave it to her as a gift. When I got up the courage I invited my children to visit me there. One weekend they all showed up. My eldest daughter with her husband in tow, my second daughter with her boyfriend, my eldest son with his girlfriend and my twins by themselves. Louise wasn't there for their arrivals. She came later.

When she arrived, I met her car outside and took her by the hand. I led her into out lounge room and said to everybody, "This is Louise, everyone. She is my special friend. We met a while ago and fell in love. We are engaged and as soon as those silly politicians get their heads out of their asses and allow gay marriage, we're getting married."

There was genuine delight from all of my children, summed up by my youngest son, "Mum, if Louise makes you happy then we're happy." He looked at Lou and said, "Welcome to our family, Louise."