2 comments/ 18673 views/ 7 favorites Liv's Legacy: Anise By: wistfall1 (This is a story about lesbian love. If you do not like to read about lesbians and their love, I suggest you find another story more to your tastes. Thank you.) (Author's note: This story is very much connected with The Devil's Advocate, parts 1 and 2, as well as Fortune's Wiles, part 2. For full appreciation of this story, it is suggested that these be read first.) Chapter 1 "My friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ who is our lord and savior, I beg you to be pure, to follow God's will, his commandments. Let not your person be deceived by the devil, Satan, that deceiver from the start. Do not permit him to lay hold of your heart or your mind. He is a sly one, and he ever looks to see who he can snare. "Now there are those these days that are godless, and their minds have already been deceived; they are caught up in the ways of the world—the devil's world, the devil's ways. Beware of all of those who try to tell you things that are very ungodly, that will earn you an eternity if the fiery depths of hell. "There are many who are now saying that we should allow men to marry men, women to marry women. Do not be fooled! Homosexuality is an abomination before our God, and they are doomed to burn in the everlasting fires prepared for them in hell. Yes! Prepared for them! And God has already warned them, and us too, with his displeasure with them by visiting that plague especially for them as a sign to us all. AIDS is God's scourge on them. Beware! Be wise! Be ever Godly! "They will burn in that fiery furnace for their iniquity, for leading so many astray. Will you be one of them? One of those who will scream for mercy when you are dead and not in God's presence, but are a servant of the devil unto eternity? The bible is clear. The word of God is known to us through it--thou shalt no lie with another of the same sex as you would with your husband or wife. If you do, you are an abomination to God and doomed forever and ever!" Quite often he shouted. As he spoke, I sensed the sweat of worry on my body. I was damned! Oh, God, please help me; forgive me. I don't want to live in hell for eternity. I don't! Help me. Help me please. And always, my mother and father were shouting their approval of all our preacher said. 'Amen, brother!' they would shout continually. I was in hell already, my mind worrying that somehow I would tell them how I felt within myself, how I quickly turned my head so many times whenever I noticed a cute, or pretty, or beautiful girl, or even an older woman. This body of mine that is damned wanted to be with them, with one of them. Any one of them! Oh, I burned to be with one, but I didn't want to displease God, and I didn't want to burn in hell. What was I to do? What could I do? Would this never end in me? "Brethren, God said that all such should be put to death. We don't do that anymore, but maybe we should. We're bringing God's wrath down on ourselves. We need to purify our society, our communities, even our churches. "No, I don't know of any here that are homosexual, but you never know. As I said, as the bible tells us, the devil is a wily one. Let us pray that none here have succumbed to his temptations." Once, when he was really worked up to a fever pitch, he had scared me so much that I went up at the altar call and gave my life to God, to Jesus, for I didn't want to burn in hell. As I went up, I cried. "My child, why are you here now? Are you answering the call to belong to Jesus, to profess him as your savior?" he had asked gently, his loud, searing voice suddenly gone. All I could do was to nod. "Do you confess that Jesus is your lord and savior?" "Yes," my voice squeaked the word out. "And do you wish to be baptized, to be buried to this world, and to rise up a new person in Jesus' kingdom?" "Yes," my voice became stronger, my crumbling mind desperate to be relieved of its misery—my misery. "Are there any others here who would follow our dear sister Anise, and give their life to God, to proclaim Jesus as our savior?" I just knew I was doing the right thing. I may not have been twelve yet, but I had already started having my period. And I was becoming more and more aware of other girls, even grown women. I needed to be saved. When it was the moment to go and change into the baptismal gown, I wondered if it would be him doing the baptizing. It was, but he had one of the women of the church to help me change. I couldn't wait to be baptized for the woman, Mrs. Alexander, was one of the one's who had caught my sinful eye. I dared not look at her, and dared not think anything at all for if I did, I knew I'd be saying or doing something that would damn me forever. I had to be baptized, and quickly. Jesus had to help me. He had to! The gown was thick, and nothing showed through, but to make sure, I had a pair of thick cotton panties, and a similar bra for my breasts were already out, a signal to all to have sex with me, that my body was ripening, and most likely wanting. We had each of us changed behind separate screens, so that was good, I thought then. With the preacher, Mrs. Alexander stood in the baptismal font near to me. Very carefully, the pastor raised his right hand over his head, and pronounced the words of the baptismal rites. Mrs. Alexander held my hands as I was submerged, then helped me up. As my head was out of the water, I saw her smiling brightly at me, happy. But I wasn't! The new woman in me that cried out for another woman felt her hands in mine and wanted to hold her close, to let her know what I felt for her. My tears came again, but all thought it was from the knowledge that I now belonged to Jesus, that they were tears of the joyful knowledge that I was saved. Still, it worried me that someone would know, would see past and know what all the others didn't know. When we went back to put on our clothes, I was shaking somewhat, and worked to control it. I thought I was successful until I heard Mrs. Alexander. "Oh, darn it. Anise, would you mind helping me. I don't know why, but I can't seem to latch my bra back. Mercy, I've never had this problem. Please?" she entreated me softly, coming out from behind the screen. She was in her nylons, heels, and panties, the bra straps being held loosely by her, yet revealing a portion of what I imagined were her gorgeous breasts. The little I saw of their outer sides certainly looked gorgeous to me--gorgeous and deliciously sweet even back then. My nerves began their unwanted dance within my body. "I'm sorry. This is so embarrassing. You are an angel for helping me," she said in her quiet voice that did exude gratitude, as well as embarrassment. I had to work even harder to quell my nerves, to keep my fingers from trembling. Still, I did have a bit of trouble, and I was certain she could tell I was shaky. "Thank you. Like I said, I don't know why I couldn't latch it together this time. I'm such a klutz." "You're welcome," I said, seeing her flash a smile at me. I worked harder than ever to not look at her breasts that were before my eyes, though now thoroughly encased in her bra. I tried to smile in return, and I think I managed a small one. As she turned to go back behind the screen to finish dressing, I couldn't help but look openly at her buttocks. God, she looked so sexy in those full panties. Her cheeks were completely covered save for an extremely sweet bit of each cheek. Worse, the material was sheer. My breath halted, my heart quickened even more, my eyes glued themselves to those lovely cheeks and her long, beautiful legs. I was so wanting of her. Mentally slapping myself, I quickly turned to go behind my screen, and finish dressing, but the sin had already been committed: I had looked and truly lusted for the first time after Mrs. Alexander. Those pictures of her burned themselves into my mind and my fantasies. Forever after, I was sure, my breath would always be as it was just then—a heat robbed smothering that nearly forbade me to breathe, to live. I wasn't worthy of life, or God, or of being saved by Jesus. When we both came out of the dressing room, she smiled beatifically at me, her arm around my back on my other shoulder, and softly said, "You're a very lovely girl, Anise," her smile looking radiant on her lips. I was crushing on her like mad, and I prayed with all my heart that she hadn't seen that in my eyes. Sure that my shoulder would be scarred from the burning I felt on it from her touch, I both worried, and felt happy to have it if indeed it was there. This senseless desire had begun in me not too long ago, and for the first time, I felt it wanting to rage in me. Though I was truly scared, I was lucky, for I had always been a quiet child, an angel, my mother said, her angel, which didn't set too well with my older sister, and probably not with my younger brother either. This day my quietness served me well for all who knew me thought it was just that sweet, quiet girl who was happy, thus her tears and seeming nervousness. Our church was fairly large, many more than two hundred people attended each Sunday, I was sure, and probably a lot more. Our preacher, Pastor Malloy, always preached sermons on how we should always be alert to the possibility of sin, to avoid it more than any plague for there was nothing worse than being displeasing to God. And he also preached against homosexuality and homosexuals. We were to fight their very existence in whatever way we could, and with a fierce determination for we are truly soldiers of God in the war against their ungodliness and the filth they smeared our society with. After being baptized, and how I suddenly felt so strongly about Mrs. Alexander, I began to doubt the wisdom of answering the call to be saved. More, all of my thoughts, my anxieties, centered increasingly on my desire for females, young such as myself, I thought, but I did so lust for Mrs. Alexander after seeing her luscious body, and my hands as if on it. This lustful yearning that was then born in me would never end, I was sure, and I'd be damned in hell for it. Where that day went, I didn't know, but I dreaded going to bed for I knew my mind would be filled with thoughts and pictures of Mrs. Alexander. It was, and I suffered mightily with my silly thoughts of love, and more. I had heard girls talking about touching their bodies, of feeling so good, sexually delicious. As my thoughts and mental pictures intensified, I wanted to touch myself. In time, I would nearly panic at the tremendous need of feeling that sexuality the girls had talked about as I pictured Mrs. Alexander's breasts, and more, her firm and rounded cheeks that showed through her panties. That feeling of being damned became worse and worse each Sunday after that for I began to really listen to Pastor Malloy's sermons, especially when he spoke of homosexuality and the horrible plague it was on humanity. The quiet girl I was before was nothing compared to how quiet I began to be after that. The more I fantasized about Mrs. Alexander, the more I wanted to touch myself, but resisted to the point of nearly exposing how I felt with moans that I feared my sister heard. That made me pray all the harder. * * * * The years until I was eighteen were horrible for me. My mother imagined I was all the more her quiet angel, and often hugged me as she didn't any other, though they were only occasional hugs. However, when I went to church one day, Mr. Alexander, who was both Minister of Youth and Minister of Visitation, asked to speak to me in private. He had spoken to my mother and father, and they had approved, my mother haltingly, I later found out. "Anise, there has been some talk among the kids about you, and it made me wonder if I could be of help to you." I looked warily at him, not knowing what he was talking about, nor what might have been said by any about me. "It's not bad," he smiled, and patted my hand. "What it being said is that though several boys are interested in you, to date maybe, they say that you are very off putting. Pastor Malloy and I have spoken about this, and I suggested to him that maybe you might talk to me. Will you?" he asked. "I guess," I said, unsure of what might be coming, but not liking it, and worrying. "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, but may I ask you if you're interested in boys as most girls usually are?" Thinking nervously as to what to say, I couldn't come up with anything. Then just said, "I'm not sure how girls usually are interested in boys?" "Ah. I see. Well, Anise, usually most girls become naturally interested in boys after they reach puberty, and quite often before that. You know that it's the natural order of life to procreate, and that usually means a boy and a girl falling in love, marrying, and having children. Before that, though, boys and girls usually date, or meet together in groups such as our youth group does. Tell me, have you seen or talked to any boys that you've been interested in knowing more, or talking to more than others?" There it was. Soon they would probably find out how I longed to be with another girl, a woman. Since I had those feelings about Mrs. Alexander, they began to fade, though not disappear. In high school, after gym, we took showers, and my eyes longed to look at other girls, but I dared not for fear of staring and being found out. The others always took me as being shy in the extreme; some knew me from church and I'm sure they spoke of my shyness. The desires I had built up increasingly in me, and many girls appealed to me, and I longed to be with them, to know them freely, and did in my mind. One after another, they came to my senses over time, and that did include Mrs. Alexander, but not exclusively in any way as before. She was the unattainable older woman thus my mind relegated her to a point where I didn't think of her much. Besides, there were so many other girls, and they all looked so fresh, so wonderful, so full of life and love, but not for me. "No." "No? Why not? It's usual for girls your age to be interested in boys." I said nothing, just sat there, my head down, my eyes avoiding his. If they talked to my parents, how could I avoid this? I was deathly afraid of what might be coming. There was no way I could tell them that I liked girls, or maybe women, maybe his wife, Mrs. Alexander who still left me breathless whenever she smiled at me as she often did. "Anise, is it possible that you don't like boys because you like girls?" he asked, his voice as if he wouldn't believe that might be so. I couldn't answer, but I just shook my head. "No, you don't like girls. Okay. I have to say that I'm relieved. You know that pastor Malloy, as well as all of us, dislike homosexuality. This is a great relief. Well, there's just one more possibility, maybe. Come with me if you don't mind." It was more than a relief to me that I'd gotten past that. I followed him obediently across the room. He stopped in front of a mirror that I'd not noticed. It was one of those full length ones so you could see your whole body. His hands led me to stand before him, having them on my shoulders. "I'd like for you to look in the mirror at yourself, Anise. I want you to notice yourself, how you look." My head lifted to look at him through the mirror, wondering what he meant, what he was after. The confusion was most unsettling. "You're a very lovely looking woman, Anise. Yes, a woman. Though you're just eighteen, everything about you says woman, full grown to any person's eye, especially a man's. Maybe you feel like a full grown woman too, and who could blame you. Any man looking at you would find you very desirable as a mate," he said, his hands moving to my hips. My breath started to quicken more than it had been, my breasts, I noticed, rising and falling faster from the increasing uncertainty I was feeling. What was he up to? What was he doing? What would he say next, or ask, I should say? "Yes, you are definitely a woman in her prime. Perhaps boys your age don't appeal to you. Tell me, do you feel you want an older man? Is it that the boys still seem so childish to you, that you want more than their immaturity offers you?" As he asked that, his hands moved to be under my ribs, then up to my breasts at which he stopped, his hands as if holding them up. "Does this appeal to you, Anise? Is this what you're wishing for—a man that is more mature and understands you better?" he said, hefting my breasts upward as if feeling them, or maybe weighing them. "Do you like this, Anise?" he asked, his mouth coming closer to my neck. It was. His breath was warm on me, and I was frightened, my body tensing mightily. "You don't want boys, and you don't want girls, and you're a fully grown woman. This must be all you want then. Is it, Anise? If it is, just say the word. I assure you, no one will know." I felt trapped. No, I didn't want or particularly like boys, and I had lied when I said I didn't like girls, but what could I do. He couldn't believe I wanted an older man, or him. Was it a trap, or was it possible that he wanted me? My mind was in turmoil. I fairly yanked away from his hands, my head lowered, still wondering what I should say. Then I was saying something. "No. I don't want an older man. I—I have to go. I'm sorry, but I have to leave," I said, and hurried to the door, tears coming out of my eyes silently. My parents were at home, but I didn't want them to see me this way so I went to a park nearby, found a quiet place apart from others, and sat as I tried to order my mind and stop my crying. I couldn't understand what he was after? Was he trying to expose my desire for another girl or woman? Yes, that had to be it. Making sure I was presentable, I went home. "How was your meeting with Mr. Alexander, dear?" my mother asked me. "Okay, I guess," I told her, my heart pounding so hard, my mind wondering if he had talked to them. "What was it about?" "H—he wanted to know if I was interested in a couple of boys that he said were interested in me, but I told him no, that I only wanted to finish school and go to college," I lied as I had never lied before. I couldn't remember ever lying to my mother. "Well, that's a good reason, especially if you aren't truly interested in them. Did they go to him because of your shyness?" "Yes, I think so." "Well, it was good of him to be interested in you that way, and trying to see if he could help what I'm sure were nice boys in his opinion, and I'm sure they were. Would you like something to eat now?" "No, Mother, I'm not hungry. I think I'll just go up to my room for a while." "Very well, dear." That was it, and I was glad, but my mind was still torn as to what all had happened. Though I wouldn't think about it with words, I knew I wondered at him touching me as he had. Maybe he was trying to see if I was what they say is normal. Did other girls like what he did? It remained a confounding thing to me, and I worried incessantly on it, but then Pastor Malloy asked to talk to me in private the next week. "Thank you so much for meeting with me. As you know, we're very interested in your well-being, as well as your soul," he said as he sat next to me on the sofa. I simply nodded, but again, I felt trapped. "Mr. Alexander spoke to me about his meeting with you. You were born into this church, so you know exactly what we believe, and how we believe God wishes us to be with him. I did have to have Mr. Alexander to talk with you as he did because we are concerned with your soul. As well as I've known you since birth, I always thought of you as one of God's most precious children, but we're all different, Anise, and who can say what any of us thinks or truly feels." He patted my hand that was on my lap, but left his there instead of removing it. Though I didn't think of it at first, maybe I should have. Liv's Legacy: Anise "As he told me, he did put you through a ringer, so to speak. Anise, my dear, we do have to be sure of the spiritual welfare of our congregation. In your case, as he told you, you are young and very lovely, and many are interested in you, but just what you may be interested in is something we're not sure of, so if any ask, we can't say. That's why I had Mr. Alexander speak to you. "Tell me," he started, but one of his fingers left off of my hand and settled on my thigh, then moved lightly on it, innocuously, "are you sure that you're not interested in girls, or women perhaps? We do need to know because if that's the case, then we must work with you to set you on the right path." I know he was looking at my face, but all I did was to look at his hand, his finger, that is, that was mildly moving more on my thigh, though seemingly innocent in its moving. After my experience with Mr. Alexander, I began to worry about what was happening, why they were paying so much attention on me. Then his hand moved off of mine fully, and he patted my thigh, but at the same time, moved his hand on it, again, very lightly. "You needn't be afraid, Anise. We're here to help you if you are interested in girls, or even, as Mr. Alexander suggested, older men. Now you be very honest with me, which is it, and we'll help you. You are a child of God's and we must do all we can to make sure that he's always pleased with you, and that we're always doing as he wishes us to for his flock." This wasn't right though I wouldn't tell myself what it was that wasn't right, but I knew I had to leave, and quickly. "Pa—Pastor Malloy, tha—thank you, but I have to go now. I promised to meet a friend, and I'm late," I said, not waiting for him to say anything, but quickly getting up and leaving. Once more I had to wonder if they knew the truth about me, and if they were trying to make me admit how I truly felt, what my real desires were. But this time I wondered at the way in which they tried to find out. it wasn't right to tempt someone as they had. No, it wasn't right, and I allowed myself to think it. Then again, maybe they felt it was the only way to make me admit to my dangerous and sinful desires. Would God really send me to hell because I craved another woman? So long I had worried about this, for too many years, and it was a plague on my mind. Later that week, I noticed my mother seeming to act different towards me, and that increased my worrying. Why was my world suddenly falling apart? My heart and mind were being severely burdened by all that was happening to me. Chapter 2 After Sunday services, Mrs. Alexander wanted to talk to me. That should have bothered me, and it did, but not as it should have. I had no idea of what all was to come. "Let's just sit here and talk, us two girls only, okay?" she flashed her beautiful smile, her teeth so white and straight. Not that mine were bad, but, well, hers was like everything else about her. She was devastatingly beautiful! I nodded, and sat on the very same sofa I had sat in the other two times with Mr. Alexander and Pastor Malloy. "Do you remember when you were baptized? I said to you afterward that you were such a lovely looking girl," she ran on without giving me a chance to answer her question. I nodded, and tried not to look at her loveliness, her beauty. It was so difficult to keep my eyes from traveling over her, but I didn't dare look at her face. "Well, I hate to tell you, but you've grown into a very beautiful woman, Anise, and I do mean beautiful. I know that men love to sneak peeks at me when they think I'm not looking—yes, I do notice things like that," she said with a quiet, easy laugh. "Anyway, when I looked at you today, you made me ashamed of my looks." I couldn't believe what she said, and I guess my face showed it. "Hmm, I see you don't believe me, huh? Come closer, and let's do a little comparing and I'll show you what I mean," she said, scooting towards me, and signaling me to do the same. She wasn't satisfied until we were touching hip and leg. At that, my breath became very stunted. "Now just relax, and do as I do, okay?" I nodded, then she lifted the leg that was rubbing on mine until it was straight out. My breath caught, it was so gorgeous. She had fantastic legs, and fantastic everything else, but to be showing me her leg like that just took my breath away. "Now you put your leg out next to mine." Mesmerized, I didn't think about it, but automatically did as she did, our legs now next to each other, rubbing together, and straight out. "See what I mean? Your leg is more beautiful than mine. Shame on you, Anise, out doing me like that," she faked pouting, then quickly broke into a smile that sucked me in. "You have gorgeous legs, sweetie. Haven't you noticed them before?" My head was shaking my answer. "Well, you should. In those heels and hose, they're absolutely magnificent. Look," she said, then quickly pulled the hem of her dress up, and just as swiftly had mine up too. I gasped at her doing that, showing me more of her leg, and some of it bare too for she had on a pair of those thigh high hose, and a goodly amount of her thigh was bared to my eyes. I could hardly breathe. "Mercy, Anise, your legs are more beautiful than mine, but I forgive you. Just between us girls, you understand," she said, her voice as if conspiring with me, and then a wink of her eye as I found myself looking at her in disbelief. I blushed, and worse, I felt it burning on my face. Her hand went to my cheek. "And look at that sweet blush. Goodness, Anise, it does look so lovely on your face." Her hand caressed my cheek, but not for long. She took it away, and I wished instantly that she hadn't, but her eyes held mine. I was like the bird that was suddenly looking into the face of a hungry snake, I couldn't pull my eyes away. "I know you don't like boys, but have you ever been kissed by anyone other than your parents?" she asked so softly it was almost a whisper. My head was moving from side-to-side saying no wordlessly. "But I bet you've thought you'd like to be kissed, haven't you?" she still spoke in a soft, tempting voice that I was loving. Again, my head was moving, but up and down. There was no way I could lie to her. The thought of doing so never entered my mind, I was so enthralled by her, and her face was moving closer to mine. So close, and I was working so hard to catch a breath. "You would like to be kissed, wouldn't you?" she asked. Again, I nodded slowly. "Would you like for me to kiss you, Anise?" she asked, her face even closer to mine. I could feel her warm breath on my lips, then her one hand wending its way into my hair, then caressing my neck at the hairline. Had I thought of it, I would have known that my body was so hungry for her continued touch, and yes, her kiss. "Tell me, Anise, do you want me to kiss you? Say it if you do," she did whisper, her lips nearly touching mine. "Y—yes," I couldn't help but answer her in a whisper that I was barely conscious of. No sooner had I acquiesced than her lips were on mine. They were so sweet that I moaned in the joy of feeling them, wanting them, and kept right on moaning as she pressed ever so much more into mine, but with a tenderness that was loving, and very firm. They were twisting and turning, then her tongue skimmed my lips, and I nearly melted into her, strange quiet noises coming from me, noises of pure pleasure. When I felt her hand at my neck pushing my face to hers, I gave in completely. This had to be love, it was so delicious in every way. I did think that, and wished it would go on forever. It didn't. "Mm, that was nice, wasn't it?" I felt my face nodding, and my eyes now refusing to leave hers, the wonder of her kiss doing strange, but wonderful things in me. "You did like it, didn't you? Want to kiss me now? Kiss me as I kissed you?" she did tease me, her smile telling me she was, but it was so inviting. I nodded, our eyes holding together. "Then come, kiss me as you'd like to, kiss me as I kissed you." Her voice was halting, her breath as if like mine—hard to come by—and making her breasts rise and fall so temptingly. God, she was so beautiful! Then I was going to her, and quickly, I was kissing her, and I do mean kissing her. My lips were on hers with such a hunger that there was no softness to my kiss. The rush to kiss her was so fast that I had pushed her body back so that she was leaning, and my hands, they wanted to do something on her, but I didn't know what. She must have solved that for I felt her one hand on mine, then I was feeling her thigh. It never occurred to me to wonder how my hand had gotten under her dress, only that I loved the feel of her bare thigh under my hand that was moving back and forth on it as I kissed her passionately. When my fingers touched the hem of her panties, a shock of sensations rushed harshly through me, and I felt my heart lurch, and my moans to become louder—much louder—as my lips twisted on hers with a wanting that I'd never dreamed of. Then we heard the door open, and we jerked apart and looked, stunned by the interruption. It was her husband! "Mark!" Mrs. Alexander said in surprise, but nothing else. His look was frightful to me, angry, and I shivered in my fear. He looked with piercing eyes, but at Mrs. Alexander, then just as suddenly, he turned and left, closing the door. It was so disconcerting, confusing, the high emotions that I was feeling, then the sudden fear. It must surely have shown on my face, but surprisingly, Mrs. Alexander was smiling. "Not to worry, Anise, this is all still our secret. I can take care of Mark. You don't think so?" she asked, her face studying mine that probably had pure shocked disbelief on it. "Honey, he's a man, and a woman like we are can control them. We're what men want, and I know Mark and how he wants me." Her hand caressed my cheek, and again, I didn't want it to leave. "It's true. I'll take care of Mark. She looked at me as if wondering if I believed her, then kissed my lips, softly, fully, but a quick kiss that left me wanting more. "Mm, honey, you are so delicious I could eat you right up. Believe me, we're going to do something about this sweetness that's between us. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Her eyes soft, telling me she meant every word, I could only nod. I was her puppet, my head shaking or nodding quickly in response to her. All I knew was that I didn't want us to part, but I knew we had to. This was the church, and surely the pastor or someone else would soon come in. It all left me feeling so wanting. "Come on," she took my hand, then caressed my face as we stood close to each other. "I hate we have to part, but soon we'll meet again, and it will be much better for you, for both of us. I promise you that, Anise, but before we go, I have to have another taste of your sweet lips," she said, and kissed me again. This time she pulled our bodies together, and hugged me hard to her, our hips joined, our pelvises moving slightly against each other, and a craving for something that was so primal in me screaming its desire in my body. Too quickly we pulled apart. "Mercy, I could get used to you in a hurry. Soon, honey, soon. I promise," she said, and led us out, my hand wishing it could still at least feel her hand in mine, but it was not to be. "So you're off to college right after you graduate, huh?" she said as if we were carrying on a conversation, her mood changed instantly to be as if chatting with another parishioner. She was smooth. Very smooth. * * * * I spent the rest of the day in a daze, in wonderment at what I'd just experienced. In wonderment and fear too. Simultaneously, I was feeling both a desire that was consuming me, and a fear of the fires of hell in eternity. Yes, I was feeling them both together, heaven and hell, and it was ripping me apart. I so wanted Mrs. Alexander, the wondrousness of her touch, her kiss, her more than beautiful body that my eyes were loathe to leave off of looking at, or even feeling of as I had earlier. God, she burned me up with a fire that I did want, though I was in dread fear of the other fire, that of hell, and for her too, not just me. Keeping to myself as I always did nobody suspected anything, but after dinner, when it was time to go for evening services, again the combination of fear and desire were on me in a rush. "Hello," Mrs. Alexander said to all of us, but since I was at the end, she winked at me, and pursed her lips as in a kiss that made me blush furiously. As she looked at me, she grinned her delight at so tormenting me. I can't say I didn't enjoy it because I did. I felt a warmth flood my body. I was in trouble, and I knew it, but had no idea what I could do about it. I wanted her as I'd never wanted anything or anybody, and all the while I shivered in fear of what awaited me in hell. After services, she caught us again, but this time, she touched me. "You have a marvelous daughter, Mrs. James; in fact, your whole family is marvelous. I'm always so glad to see all of you," she said, her professional self working my mother as her hand stayed on my arm reminding me of all of her, and in every way. "Why thank you, Joann, it's always good to see you, and your husband too," my mother ate her words up in sincere delight. Later that night, it all hit me. The battle within me was ferocious, both feelings refusing to relent, each demanding supremacy in me in every way. I wanted to cry aloud, to vent my distress, but I dared not. All I could do was to cry silently as my fears roared through me as pictures of Mrs. Alexander—Joann—flooded all of my senses. When I woke up, I wondered that I had slept at all. My body sure didn't feel as if I'd slept. Still, school was almost over. Yes, I had passed all of my tests with flying colors, and had a scholarship in the city, but I had a few weeks to go yet. And then there was summer. I was dreading it, and yet I longed for it with a yearning that was suffocating. That whole week I suffered with all the pangs of love and fear, but I had to think. I forced my mind to look at everything. My sanity demanded it—and so did my heart. When it was Wednesday, I lied, and excused myself from going to mid-week evening services. As best I could, I had made up my mind to avoid Mrs. Alexander though I hated that decision. It was the best thing for our very souls in eternity. That I was doing it for her good as well as my own helped my resolve, my suffering in doing without her. When Sunday came, I faked being sick, and didn't go to either service, but I knew I couldn't be sick every time when I was supposed to be in church. Still, I managed to watch and avoid Mrs. Alexander, though I let my heart do its thing through my eyes that couldn't keep from looking at her every chance I that I felt was good to take. Still, I remembered she said she knew when she was being admired by men, and I was sure she knew my eyes followed her. The next Wednesday, as well as Sunday, my deceits worked; I was becoming very inventive at avoiding her no matter how much I wanted to be with her. Once, late near the end of Sunday services, she caught my eye, and I saw her shake her head mildly as she pursed her lips in a sign of her displeasure at staying away from her. The following Wednesday, I let my guard down, but maybe it was a subconscious thing. While most of us were outside, I felt a need to go to the bathroom to pee, and went in without looking; I was in a big hurry. As I entered the bathroom, I sensed the door opening as I hadn't thought to put the lock on. Flushing, and pulling up my panties and hose, I stepped out, and my breath caught in my throat as my heart fluttered in joy. She was standing there looking at me as if displeased. She was. I quickly went to wash my hands to be doing something, fearful of what was to come, yet so wanting it. "You've been avoiding me, you naughty girl. Don't you know how I've been longing for you? I know you loved what all we did with each other, how we kissed, and much more. You did like it, didn't you?" The way she was looking at me, her eyes both taunting me, and hungry for me, I was trapped, and unable to lie to her, yet I said nothing. "Well? Did you like it or were you just lying to me, leading me on, perhaps?" "No, I wasn't lying..." I blurted out, but stopped whatever else I was about to say. "Yes, I know you weren't. You still want me, my kisses, and to touch me and have me touch you, don't you, hmm?" How she did it was something new to me, but she made a face that captivated me, and had me wanting to be in her arms. "Yes, I can see that you still want me. Well, here I am. Come, kiss me, Anise. Kiss me as you did before. Let me feel how much you want me," she teased me as she closed the small gap between us until we were face to face, within inches, that is. Once more, I could feel her breath on my lips, and I was being pushed by my desires for her, and quickly, I closed that small gap, and had my arms about her and my lips on hers. Our kiss was hot, torrid, and way to stifling of my senses other than those of pleasurable sensations. Before I knew it, she had the hem of my dress up, and was pushing her pelvis into me. As she did, I knew she'd also lifted her hem, but more, through my panties and pantyhose, I felt of her skin. She didn't have panties on, and her hose were thigh high. That mad rush of sensations came to me as it had the last time when my fingers had touched the hem of her panties, and my lips pressed into her as if I was trying to ravage her lips. When I sensed she'd had an orgasm, I was caught up in my joy at having done that for her, and I moaned my pleasure louder. As I did, her hand entered under my pantyhose and panties, and slid to my vagina. I was so wet, then so wanting as she toyed with my clitoris. "Put your hand on my pussy and play with my clit like I'm doing with yours. Hurry, and let's come together," she said, her lips barely off of mine. Without thought, my hand moved to her, and my fingers quickly found her clitoris. It was larger than I expected, and more, she had no hair, and it excited me so that I could hardly breathe, a bolt of electricity shooting through me. "Look at me. Let me see you orgasm as I do. I want to see your love, baby. I need to see your pleasure when it hits," she said hotly, her eyes burning like fire into mine. She played with my clitoris, and I did with her clitoris as she did with mine. My breath was coming in quick, sharp gasps as I felt her thighs barely touching mine, and my hand rubbing above her vagina, her pussy. It's smooth bare skin thrilled me, had me wanting more, to touch her more. As my excitement began to peak, I whimpered, but I refused to take my eyes off of hers. "That's it, baby. I'm almost there. Do me, and come with me. Come, baby, come and join me." Oh, mercy, I did, and was about to scream, but her lips covered mine, and that added to my orgasm which came in a fury of untold joys as I pressed into her hand, and felt her orgasm and her pressing into my hand and flooding me with her love. When our orgasms passed, we clung to each other, he lips softly kissing my neck. "I love you, Mrs. Alexander. God forgive me, but I love you though I know we'll go to hell. I just know we will." She shocked me. She laughed lightly at my saying that. "No, we'll not go to hell. How could we have been lifted up to heaven, then fall right into hell. We were in heaven. Didn't you feel it?" "Yes," I said after a slight pause to consider her words, "I did." "Why give us heaven and tease us with it, then send us to hell? Uh-uh, it doesn't work that way, and more, we're made to send each other to heaven time and time again. You'll see. We'll have summer in which to be together. We'll spend weekends, then when you're in college, I'll go see you and spend weekends there with you, and we'll love and love again, and send each other to heaven over and over. Would you like that?" Liv's Legacy: Anise My heart did like that. Make it, my heart loved that, all the feelings I had were still coursing through me, though not quite as they did at first. "Here," she said, pulling away a bit, and undoing a couple of buttons of her shirtwaist dress, then pushing one of her bra cups up. Her breast and nipple were magnificent, but she knew it, and I feasted my eyes on it as ripples of desire surged anew through me. "Go ahead. Touch it, caress it, kiss it, suckle my nipple—whatever you want to do to it." She need not have said any more. My hands and lips went to it, and I massaged it, kissed it, then suckled madly on her nipple as one of her hands went to the back of my head and pushed me further into it. "Mm, you're loving it so good. Soon we'll be doing all we want with each other. We'll give each other lots of love—hot, sexy love—then enjoy it all afterwards, and you can have all you want of my tits that love your lips. God, you feel so good sucking on that nipple." No sooner had she said that than her hand went to my clitoris again. Without her saying anything, I knew instinctively that she'd pulled her hem up again, and my hand went to her clitoris, and I suckled on her nipple madly as we brought each other to another magnificent orgasm that left me debilitated. She didn't have to worry about stifling my screams as I wasn't about to turn her nipple loose, and instead sucked harder and harder on it as she pulled me so tight against her. She loved how we were as much as I did. "Christ, we're going to kill each other with love," she shocked me by taking the Lord's name in vain that way. "You're a fantastic lover, Anise. Absolutely fantastic. But now we have to clean up, especially me. I've got my love juices all over me, or rather, you've made my love juices pour out of me, didn't you?" she kissed my lips quickly, then grinned. My heart was fluttering happily, and wanting her again. "When summer vacation is here, I'll tell your mother that I want to take you shopping in the city, and we'll make love the whole night through afterwards. I can hardly wait. Won't that be something?" Her face was bright with her smile of pure pleasures to come, and so was my heart, but those nagging thoughts began to assert themselves again. While she was cleaning herself, and I was doing the same, oddly though it was, I couldn't help looking at her in the mirror. My heart kept lurching at seeing her shaved as she must have been, her vagina so sexy looking, so making me want to touch it, and even kiss it if I could, or hug it to me. "We better move, or we'll have people wondering. Tell you what, you go out, and I'll wait a long time so no one will suspect, or put us together in any way, okay?" "Okay," I said, my unwanted thoughts coming stronger, accusing me as never before. "First, give us another kiss, and maybe a quick pull on my nipple that still misses your lips," she said, baring her breast to me again. Accusing thoughts aside in a hurry, my lips moved gladly onto her nipple, and I didn't want to give it up. "God, I hate to make you stop, but now kiss me, and let me feel that love you said you have." Like a wild teenager feeling her first love, I was on her and kissing her hard, making all of those silly sounds of pleasure and joy as I felt our lips twisting, and pressing, and our tongues touching as we licked each other's lips, something that was also a first for me. "Now go, baby, and dream of us making love again, but without these silly clothes," she said, and gave me a quick peck, then pushed me to leave. Though I didn't want to, I left, but looked furtively both ways as I went out the door. As I moved, I worked to gather my senses, to make myself presentable. "Goodness, Anise, you were gone a long time. Are you all right?" my mother asked. "Yes, and it was all so sudden, but I hope I'm okay now. Maybe I better get home quick," I faked. My deceits were growing, coming as they'd never had before. My sister looked at me, or rather glared, but I didn't care. What I cared about was the way I loved being with Mrs. Alexander, though all of the tormenting thoughts were hitting me. As much as I'd had such great pleasures, so now I had an equal amount, or more, of torments. They were truly tearing me apart, but I loved Mrs. Alexander—Joann—so much that it was all even more terrifying. * * * * The night was too much for me, as were my conflicting thoughts and emotions. The fires of hell yelled at me, their voice hoarse with their joy at having my soul. Tossing and turning wildly during the night, I was glad my sister wasn't in her bed. When morning found me worn out, I knew I couldn't go to school, and also knew that I couldn't continue as I was with Mrs. Alexander. Instead of going to school, I went to the park, and sat to try to sort my thoughts out, to try to make peace with myself. At the last, I knew that there would be no peace save that I get away, move away, so that I couldn't be near Mrs. Alexander, my beloved Joann whose touch and body were consigning my soul to hell. As I thought that, and felt a measure of peace with my conclusion, another thought came to me. She had laughed too easily, and that ease also reminded me that she didn't fear Mr. Alexander seeing us, and me with my hand up her dress. Why? I truly wondered at that, and miraculously, with a clear mind and no emotions. Perhaps my emotional quota had been all used up by me. There was no way I could argue that I hadn't shed more emotions than I ever expected to in a lifetime. Yes, I worried about her, Joann, going to hell as I knew I would, but also just as easily was how she took the Lord's name in vain. Was she like those women that the bible warned against, that Jezebel and Salome? She was very sexual, and now that I looked at it this way, she was very free with her sexuality. Then I thought of my hand up her dress before we were found out by her husband: had I honestly initiated that? Suddenly I didn't think so. Still, no matter what my thoughts, I still felt I loved her, and more, that I wanted her again. She could gladly take me to hell, and I would let her, my desire for her was so great. But I didn't want her in hell. I wanted us both to be God's, to be in heaven with her as well as all good and worthy people. My resolve was greater: I had to leave, and I would do so right after I graduated. I had enough money to take me just about anywhere, and then survive until I found a job; college would have to wait, or I'd have to go at night. It could be done, and I would do it, but I couldn't ever go to church again and make myself available to her for I knew that if I did, I'd not be able to resist her. My die was cast. Is it wrong to say that I was at peace with my sorrow? That's how I felt. Chapter. 3 True to my word, the promise I had made with myself, I didn't return to church, and refused to tell my mother why. At last, she gave up, only saying once that Mrs. Alexander had asked after me. Even more, my heart was saddened, and though I still longed to be with her, I realized I had committed adultery, and was the cause of her also committing adultery, not to mention using God's church to rut sexually in it. Those thoughts, along with our destiny to soon be in hell, burdened me, my heart, and surely, my soul, blackened by our misdeeds * * * * No sooner than I had graduated with high honors than I told my mother the next day that I was leaving. She looked horrified, and questioned me endlessly, and with many tears, but I was steadfast in what I knew I had to do. My older sister, Meg, was stunned, my younger brother, Bob, was confused, and my father, well, he never said much anyway, and he didn't this time either. My mother was the biggest problem. "Are you in some kind of trouble, Anise?" she had to ask. "No, Mom, I'm not in any trouble. I just feel a need to be on my own, to make my own way. Honest, I'm telling you the truth," I half lied, half told the truth. The only trouble I was in was the very real possibility of losing my soul in hell, and Joann, too. And more, I wondered if I did love Joann, or if it was simply feeling so much sexual joy, and maybe finding someone who understood my feelings, my need for another woman, but did she truly need me, or only found me interesting, or maybe convenient. Peace, at times, I guess, can help one clear the mind, especially when you've already purged all of your emotions from your person from an overload of them. Whatever, I was leaving, and only my mother hugged me good bye. I had no idea where I was going, but it wasn't to college, and it wasn't to the city. Thinking that I would drive for a while, then look at some of the towns as I passed through them, I knew my plan was faulty, but what I was leaving behind was worse if I stayed. At the best, I knew that in time I'd be found out, or maybe the and it would kill my parents, as well as my sister and brother. To do that, and lose my soul too was too much for me. All I could wonder about now was why it had to be as it was? Why couldn't we love as we knew we wished to love. Why was God so cruel to have made me as I was, then punish me being faithful to being as he made me. Whatever, I had to live with it, and find a way to go on. * * * * And I did go on until I was crossing a good sized town and saw a nice park that reminded me of the one I had sometimes taken refuge in. That the town looked clean, and had what looked like thriving businesses was in its favor too. A long story short, I stayed, found a job at the telephone company's business office, and looked to settle in. Where I found a place to live was convenient, but not much to speak of, but it was decent enough and livable. Settling in, I had enough clothes so that I didn't have to worry about looking presentable. Not long after I was working, several men tried to hit on me, wanting to me to go out with them, but I didn't like that idea. That men held no interest for me made it easy, but the women there, well, I had to shut them out lest my eyes begin to hunger for one of them, for any of them, I was so lonely in no time. When I ate lunch, I always sat by myself. In no time, the others who worked near to me left me alone. When needful, I talked to them, and they talked to me. At first they were offended by my aloofness, but then they must have decided that I meant them no harm. It was about a month later that I was approached as I sat to eat my lunch. "Hi. I'm Mary Purcell. I saw that you usually eat alone, and so do I most times, but I thought that maybe you wouldn't mind some company today. May I join you?" she politely, and gently asked me. As I was about to say that I really preferred to be alone, I looked at her, and something made me stop, and instead say, "Okay, if you wish." To say that I shocked myself wouldn't be fudging at all because I did wonder what in the world caused me to agree to her sitting with me. "I'm Anise James," I was polite in my turn. "Yes, I know. Thank you for saying it's okay to sit with you. I guess you're wondering why I asked when I know you usually sit alone, and the others leave you alone," she paused while I looked expectantly at her. At that moment, I sensed that I had done something I shouldn't have because as I looked, I knew I liked what I saw, that she was more than pretty, but in no wise beautiful. Still, there was something about her that captivated me, made me want to know her, and that was dangerous for me, or so I thought. Even if she liked women as I did, I couldn't help another girl to wind up in hell with me. Yes, those thoughts still plagued me, hounded my nights, and that I could freely cry at night didn't appeal to me in any way, though it was what I did anyway. Still, I couldn't do with another what I did with Joann. Joann! That's how I thought of her now. My sexy Joann, the one who showed me some of the joys of how women could love, and opened my mind to even more questions about the horrors it held after all the joys were over and done with. "You don't talk much, and that's okay, but I hope you don't think I'm intrusive if I ask about you. Just a little, if you don't mind?" she said and waited. "No, not a little," I said, hoping I wasn't being unpleasant to her. "I was born here, and never lived anywhere else. I've worked here for a couple of years now. The work isn't bad, and the supervisors aren't evil like they say some are in other companies," she said with a friendly grin. "Oh, and I live alone now. Making my own way, I hope." Though I hadn't meant to, I smiled. "Hey, thanks. That smile helped to make me feel it was okay to ask to sit with you," she said, another friendly smile on her face. She was being so nice, kind and easy to be with, and I smiled again. "That's what I'm trying to do," I said without thinking, suddenly feeling good with Mary. "I've not been in town long." "What brought you here, if you don't mind my asking?" Once more, her warmth was welcome, and my comfort level with her was good, everything feeling pleasant. "The park," I answered. "The park? Uh, the park brought you here?" she asked, puzzled, I was sure, and trying to keep smiling. My smile remained. "Yes. It reminded me of a park I used to love to sit in, and the town looked clean, so I thought that this might be a good place to start trying to make it on my own." "Wow! Never heard of something like a park making one want to stay in town, but you're right, the park is nice, it's clean, and so is the town for the most part, though there are a few crazies, but that's everywhere, huh?" "I suppose it is," I agreed. "You're easy to talk to, Anise. Do you think it'd be okay to have lunch with you again?" 'If you wish, yes, I think so, that is unless you're a strangler of single women who just settled into town," I grinned big, shocking myself at the friendliness I was showing to Mary. She laughed. "No, I'm not a strangler of any kind. What you see and hear is mostly what you get. We all do have things we don't show all the time, or to everyone, but mostly this is how I am, and who I am." "Okay, but if it is, and you usually sit alone too, why is that since you do seem to be so friendly?" I posed to her, one of my eyebrows up. "Oh-oh, got me. Okay, well, you just caught my eye. The others are okay, but I'm not comfortable with their talk. They don't say much that's objectionable to me, but, well, you know, we all have different interests, but when I saw you, and how you are, it made me wonder, so I thought I'd see how we got along—that's provided you said okay to me sitting with you, that is." She sounded honest, her words were straightforward, and she had an authenticity about her that I liked. Maybe she would be a good friend to have, that is if I could get by her looks that more than appealed to me. It seemed that I appealed to her so far no matter what she may have thought of my looks. I didn't take Joann's word for it that I was beautiful, or had gorgeous legs as she did. Honestly, I didn't believe her then no matter what my eyes seemed to tell me, or that they had agreed with her. As far as I was concerned, I was fairly plain, though in a pleasant looking way. "I hope I haven't disappointed you. You are very pleasant to talk to." "Yeah, you too." Thereafter we had lunch together all the time. Mary brought me out as I had never thought anyone could. The extra quiet person I was opened up to Mary, though not in a personal way. Perhaps it was that, that she never asked me anything personal other than those few questions the first time. It was that, I thought, that also made it palatable to enjoy how she looked, how she appealed to me sexually. With Mary, I was able to put aside my sexual desires, her friendship meaning so much to me. It was something else I never had, and I didn't want to lose it, lose her friendship, that is. We eventually spent a lot of free time together, mostly on Sundays, sometimes on Saturdays, and even after work. We'd go shopping for little of anything, or to a movie, or I'd go to her place and watch a movie there, or have dinner with her, sometimes with me bringing the food, other times I'd help her. Though I was more than attracted to her, I did find it more than bearable for the sake of our friendship. That was something that I found that I desperately needed, maybe even more than a sexual relationship, though I longed for that when I was alone in my bed. And more, my rough nights were much lessened, my crying almost disappearing. * * * * Several months into our friendship, I became too loose with her while at her home. "You don't have a boy friend, Mary?" I asked, and instantly regretted that I had. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to ask that. I mean, I guess I've just gotten too comfortable with your company, and I didn't think. Please forgive me." She hesitated, and that worried me like I couldn't believe. "That's okay. Honest, it is. I've wondered about you too, but you're still kind of new in town, though you have turned down all of the guys at work. I figured that you just didn't want to mix pleasure at the office. Well, I've done the same thing, so I never said anything, didn't ask, but I wanted to. But to be honest, I've loved our friendship so much that I was scared to open up a can of worms, but now I guess I should." "You don't have to say anything else. You've already said much more than I deserved, and I am sorry I asked." "No, Anise, you deserve to know. Frankly, I'm kind of surprised no one has said anything to you." Suddenly she had my complete attention. Still... "Mary, please, you don't have to say anything, whatever it is you feel you should now. I'm glad you're my friend, and I don't want anything to change that. Honest," I near begged, but for what, and why, I had no earthly idea. "No one has said anything, and frankly, I don't want them too. All I want is what I know about you, and that's that I like you. Can that be okay, enough I mean?" "Yeah, I guess so, but I know you'll be wondering what I wanted to tell you, and if you don't, I'll still think you do, so let me say this, and after that, if it offends you, I'll understand." There was nothing I could say, that was obvious, so I waited to hear what she'd say. "I, ah, I'm a lesbian, Anise. But I didn't look at you because I wanted to have sex with you. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with you, or that you're not more than attractive, but I saw you, and there was something I really thought I liked, and I wanted to find out what it was. I have, and I know what it is, and that's that you're a super person, and I want you for a friend as we've been." Isn't it something how the mind can suddenly clear up, and all the wondering and confusion, and everything else bad like that, disappear? I caught myself stifling my smile. It wasn't a bad smile, and it wasn't a big one, and of a truth, I was smiling at myself. But she caught it. "Why are you hiding a smile?" she asked softly, and truly wondering at me. "I'm sorry, Mary. It was just that I was so afraid you might say something that would make us break up our friendship, and then poof, it all disappeared, and I noticed how quickly everything changed in my mind, and that my fears were gone. Honestly, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Forgive me?" "You mean you don't mind if I'm a lesbian? You're not afraid that I'll hit on you, or do or say something stupid because of it?" "Uh-uh," my smile was out all the way as she looked at me with too much wonder. "Since it's confession time, I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian too," I told her, but very quietly, then suddenly worried as I did when I was at home, and sometimes still was at night. "Hey, why did you change so quickly just now?" she asked. There was no doubt in my mind that she was truly concerned about me.