8 comments/ 20336 views/ 34 favorites LJ's Story By: VF_0079 This is a story told in first person; it is done in a memoir style of sorts. It is long winded, quite wordy and I'd classify it more as a romance rather than your usual erotica. There are sexy descriptions within, but they are not the main object of this undertaking. If you're not happy with this, you can exit now. You have been warned. All main plot characters are of legal age (18+). All persons, names and locations may, or may not be a figment of my overzealous imagination, but I'll leave that up to you to decide. This is my first attempt at writing lesbian romance and erotica so please be gentle, I try my best even though I know that may not be enough. I dedicate this story to the females of my life. To my mother who taught me to be gentle, respectful and caring about women and their feelings. To my wife who is the bright, shining star in my life and who encourages me to write. To my daughter who can melt my resolve with just the tiniest of smiles. To all my female friends who honor me with their trust and friendship. ***** The Beginning I often get the same old cliché question: "how did you know you were a lesbian?" This, I must tell you, annoys me to no end. Do I go about asking you how you learnt to breathe? Then again, perhaps I'm being a bit too snappy about it. Because I certainly didn't have it that clear cut in my head when I was younger. I guess some introductions are in order. I could give you any kind of phony name but there's no point in that. You can just call me Jennifer because I like the sound of it. I'm 35 years of age and my most striking feature would be my height; for a female I stand at an impressive 6 feet and my weight is...well my weight is irrelevant, you should know better than ask a lady about that. Let's just say that I'm not a super model. The good news is that I exercise regularly, eat sensibly and I'm blessed with good genes from my father's side which keeps the weight evenly distributed throughout my body. My hair is wavy dark brown, (read: unruly dark brown) which I keep at shoulder length; 99% of the time you'll find it tied in a ponytail. For the rest of my facial features, you'll find same colored eyes and wire framed glasses. My skin has an earthly tint to it which in all likelihood has to do with my Mediterranean heritage. I grew up in a stable and loving family. My parents provided us, me and my younger sister, with a loving and comfortable environment. Due to my father's work we had to move around quite a bit which for me meant changing many neighborhoods and schools. Elisabeth, my sister, had no problem what so ever with making the adjustments. She was always an extrovert; very popular at school, a gifted athlete and a good student when she made the effort, she never had problems making new friends. I, on the other hand, was a different story. Always conscious of my abnormal height and less than perfect (at least in my eyes) body image, I always created a protective wall around me pushing people away. When puberty made its appearance things became a bit more complicated for me. A sudden growth spurt meant that I now towered above everyone which made the boys especially nervous around me. My breasts were rather smallish for my frame and my tummy seemed to sag with baby fat. But all my self-image issues where child's play if compared to my explosive sexual desires. The first encounter Just when I thought I had mastered the whole womanhood thing, my hormones decided once more to shake my world to its very core. I was in my senior year at high school and I had barely passed my eighteenth birthday. It was a Friday evening and I had returned home right after swimming practice. As was my usual modus operandi I had checked out my fellow swimmers at the lockers but not with a sexual undertone in it. It was, as I thought then, mere curiosity on my part. You know, she has big boobs, hers are non-existent, she shaves, I wish I had a butt like hers and so on. There was this particular blonde to whom my eyes would linger and return. She wasn't from my school but we occasionally shared a lane during practice. Her name was Brittany and she was probably a newcomer to our town because no one from the team seemed to recall her presence. She was tall and lean, shorter than me but then again almost everyone was and that was something with which I had reconciled myself. She had the loveliest strawberry blond hair, matched with pale blue eyes and the cutest dusting of freckles on her face. Her breasts were probably the same size as mine, but she did have a decent six pack and a very firm butt. Oh and best of all, the rug did match the curtains, a fact which, for some reason, I found fascinating. She was the exact antithesis of my body image. I was a giant with unimpressive dark brown hair and eyes and she was a light tanned graceful beauty seemingly plucked out of a fairytale. In hindsight, I was probably smitten by her but back then I barely had a clue about attraction between people, much less about being attracted to a member of the same sex. That night, I collapsed early in my bed as I was utterly exhausted from a full day at school and a two hour swim practice on top. I don't have any recollection of how much time had passed, but I remember, as if it was yesterday, having this incredibly hot dream about me and the blonde from practice. She was lying on top of me naked and her face was inching itself forward. I closed my eyes in anticipation of what? A kiss? I suddenly lurched from my bed completely startled. What was that all about? What was happening to me? And why did I feel all soaked down there? Why was I having this dream? I tried to float back to sleep but I felt hot, bothered and my genitals felt sticky and congested. I decided that if I was to get a wink of sleep I had to relieve myself so I tentatively sunk a hand underneath my pajamas. Things down there felt unbelievably slick, it was the first time I had ever experienced such a degree of wetness. Swirling my fingers around my clit, I could feel that my relief was not very far down the road. Closing my eyes, I proceeded to savage my clit. And then, the dream replayed itself with crystal clear clarity. Before my mind had any chance to logically comprehend what had happened a tremendously powerful orgasm crashed in waves of pleasure through my body. It just went on and on and my body was consumed like a fourth of July firecracker. Panting from my exertions but blissfully happy, I drifted off to a much needed slumber. Waking up the next day, the stickiness in my panties reminded me of what had transpired during the night. The orgasm had been one for the books but the dream which had provoked those highly explosive feelings was troubling me. In the end, I decided to chalk it up to my raging hormones and not give much more thought to it. That day at swim practice I tried to rush through the lockers and the showers as fast as I could in order to avoid bumping into Brittany. By a cruel twist of fate though, our coach decided to pair us in the same lane for practice. She went in first; "please don't stare at her butt...please don't stare at her butt..." I chanted over and over in my mind. But there she was right in front of me. Despite the frothing water being whipped around by her powerful legs, I could catch glimpses of her milky white legs as they ended in the cleft of her buttocks. Believe me, I tried hard to shake off the image; I tried counting tiles, I tried concentrating on my style, nothing worked. In the end, I received a severe tongue lashing from my coach for not paying enough attention to his instructions. With my head hanging low with shame, I made a premature exit to the lockers. "Hey Jennifer, wait up!" It was Brittany hurriedly trying to catch up with me. "What was that all about?" "Well the coach chewed my head off. He was right. I wasn't into it today. Too many mistakes." "We all have bad days Jen. Don't let this get to you." I managed a sad smile towards her. Then I remembered the reason for my lack of performance and quickly retreated to my locker. It turned out that Brittany had her stuff that day right next to mine. "Oh shoot! I forgot my shampoo when I switched bags earlier. Could you lend me some? "Errr...sure...I'll just take a quick shower and then it's all yours." "I'm in a bit of a pinch here, need to scoot quickly to my next classes...Could we perhaps share a shower head? That way we'll finish real quick." "I...sure...go ahead." We proceeded to strip from our wet Speedos in an awkward silence. I kept my head down and my eyes glued to the floor lest they stray towards her. Suddenly I felt acutely embarrassed to be naked inside a locker room and that was definitely a first for me. "I'm ready when you are," I distantly heard her say. Well this is it, I thought. Picking up my shampoo bottle I headed towards the shower head where Brittany was already soaking under the steaming water. Despite the best of my efforts my eyes did stray towards her naked body. And that was it; I was transfixed! All perception of my surroundings suddenly dimmed and all I could see was her alabaster skin as it glowed under the hot water. My eyes travelled from her toned thighs upwards, past her curly blonde hair covering her sex, past her rippling six-pack and onwards. In what felt like ten or twelve seconds but was probably just a couple, I had devoured her with my eyes. And to make matters worse, I had been none too subtle about it. She had caught me staring at her. I felt like a deer caught in a car's headlamps; I felt my cheeks burning with embarrassment and I wished for the floor tiles to open up and consume me. As my mind was processing my predicament with almost light speed efficiency, my ears registered a peculiar sound. "You look cute when you blush," I heard somewhere in the distance. But when the sound did register with my dazzled brain, my head stooped in shame. We proceeded to shower in silence. Against my better judgment, my eyes darted and lingered towards her. And then our gazes locked. I felt spellbound; I could not shake it off. She flashed me a thousand watt smile which sent shivers down my spine. Why was she affecting me like that? And why was I feeling all hot and bothered? What is happening to me? "Earth calling Jennifer! Hey you!" "Oh...emmmm...sorry...I was lost in my thoughts." "Obviously! You're my hero you know. I'd hate to have to go around all day smelling like bleach. Thank you!" "Oh...err...you're welcome...it's nothing really..." We continued to dress. On came my plain white cotton brief in that most comic of moments, where you have to lift your damp feet off the ground and pass them through the proper holes all the while making sure you don't touch the fabric or lose your balance. Oh and I forgot about having your crotch exposed in mid-air in front of a co-swimmer for whom your body suddenly decided that you have the hots for. Or so it thinks. And then your bloody eyes, obviously having a mind of their own and probably enjoying a laugh at your expense, casually drift towards the above mentioned co-swimmer who happens to be wearing a pink tanga, which happens to showcase said swimmer's ass. That's when you're faced with the following problem; you're embarrassed because you're wearing this rag of an undergarment because your mother refuses to allow you to buy anything remotely "sexy". You want the earth to open up and swallow you whole because, once more, you have been caught with your hand in the cookie jar, ogling, like a stupid jock would, your co-swimmer's assets. And, to crown it all, you have your mind screaming at you "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE YOU STARING AT HER?" But then, our gazes met once more and this time it wasn't funny. We both looked into each other's eyes just searching. Searching for what exactly? Brittany broke it first by giving me that sunny smile of hers. "Well I'll see you round Jen. Thanks a million for the shampoo." And just like that she spun on her heels and left me with a million unsolved questions in my mind. After my classes were over, I ignored everyone and raced back home. I was on a mission; I was going to find out more about what was happening to me. I needed to know if it was just me or if others were experiencing the same feelings. My father had recently purchased a home computer which was installed in our family room. He had showed me how to use it and how to browse through the internet. Nowadays, PCs and for that matter all kinds of electronic devices, are fairly proliferate. Back then, we certainly belonged to a minority of families owning a home computer. I knew that I had maybe about an hour at my disposal before my parents and my sister came back home so I had to be really quick. After seeing the familiar "Windows 95" logo come to life, I immediately clicked on the blue "e" shortcut which led to the ether world. After about fifteen minutes of freaky porn sites and other dead ends, I ended up with a link about girls and their first time experiences. In this site there were stories about girls sharing their first kisses with other girls, how they felt about it and how they came to realize that they were, in fact, attracted to the same sex. Browsing through these stories had two major effects on me. One, some of these stories represented a major revelation for me. Pieces of the puzzle started forming in my mind. So did I really like girls? Was I bisexual? Was I...a lesbian? Because from what I was reading, the tick boxes were being ticked and the writing was beginning to be seen on the wall. The other major effect was that, reading these stories had aroused me to the point that I could feel the dampness in my underwear. A quick glance of the system clock showed me that I had perhaps fifteen minutes to take matters into my own hands. The congestion I felt in my groin suggested that, in fact, I should do just that. Shutting down the computer, I rushed to my bedroom but left my door open. I wanted to be able to hear should anyone arrive at the house. This was a mistake which I was going to pay for later in the future but that's a different story for a different chapter. For the time being, I unceremoniously stripped off my clothing and plopped on my bed. Closing my eyes I began sliding my hand down my tummy towards my pulsating groin. My right hand slipped underneath the waistband of my panties and my fingers twirled around the curls of my pubic hair. As my fingers descended further, I could feel and smell the uniqueness of my scent, a clear sign of my heightened arousal. The first contact with my exposed clitoris made my breath catch and sent a delightfully pleasant shiver coursing through my spine. Images of Brittany changing into her pink tanga and then showering next to me flashed through my mind. The stories I had read a few minutes earlier started to rerun through my mind, only now Brittany was the star of their narrative. My right hand started picking up speed as it begun to rub up and down the hooded shaft of my clitoris. My left hand, not to be left idle, was busy squeezing and pinching my nipples after having pushed up my bra. The buildup was absolutely massive and unlike anything I had felt before; my breathing was coming in shallow gasps and small whines of pleasure involuntarily escaped my mouth. My hand reached a frenzied crescendo which almost scared me; I had never before masturbated with such a desperate need for release. And then, just when my mind focused on Brittany's smiling, freckled face I came hard. Exquisitely pleasurable pulses radiated from my genitals outwards, consuming my body in flames of ecstasy. My legs at first stiffened like boards and then clenched tightly around my marauding hand as I assumed a fetal position on the bed. The pulses continued but with diminishing intensity. My index finger continued its ministrations in an unhurried, leisurely pace, tracing a course through the folds of my inner and outer lips. An occasional pulse of pleasure would send chills and shivers through my body. The feeling of satisfaction that I felt could not be described with words. And then, I heard the door to our house creak open. "Jennifer...we're home honey!" was all I managed to register before my panic hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face. Scrambling to action, I managed to somehow wear my jeans over my now sodden panties before I heard my father's voice: "Jennifer...whoops...sorry!" "DAAADD..." "Sorry...I'm sorry..." "I'm trying to get changed here if you don't mind!" "Errr...terribly sorry my dear...why didn't you close your door?" "Because you guys have a policy of no closed doors in the house? Does that sound familiar?" "Oh...err...yes...Errr...Are you all right? Your skin seems a bit flushed. Are you ill or something?" "DAD! NO! I was trying to get changed here and you startled me. Now go away so I can wear something!" "Ok...ok...See you in a bit then." Phew! Moments like these make you grow old. That was really close and I had to be a bit more careful in the future, I thought. Brittany As the days passed by I ended up being drawn more and more by Brittany just like a moth is being lured by flame. No matter what I did or what I tried I could not shake or deny my feelings for her. I actively pursued and eventually succeeded in becoming close friends with her. Any excuse to be with her, to be able to glimpse that shiny smile of hers, was good for me. My friends and schoolmates, some of whom I had known since we first moved into town rightfully complained that I was neglecting them; that I was absent minded and somewhere away most of the time. This was true; I was daydreaming about Brittany and I even got reprimanded from my teachers in a couple of classes because of that. I could lie to myself all I wanted, but there were definitely feelings there for her. But I was starting to hope, against all hope, that maybe, just maybe, there was an inkling of feelings for me from her side. She would always pick a locker right next to mine during swimming practice. We had traded phone numbers (remember, no mobiles back then) and emails; we started hanging out on our sparse free time. Then, we would phone each other and speak for hours over the phone over this and that, over the screaming protests of our parents who could not use the line. Finally, I got the nerve to ask my mother if Brittany could be allowed to come over for a sleepover. After consulting with my father she agreed, provided that her mother would come over to drop her off so that she could meet her. Floating on air, I rushed to my bedroom and got on the phone to her (a bedroom phone was one of the privileges I had won for being a good student). As I broke the news, I could picture her smile: "That's a great idea Jen! I'll go talk about it with my parents and I'll get back to you real quick!" Five minutes later, a bubbling Brittany told me that yes, her parents had consented and that she could come over any day I wanted. We settled on a Saturday night so as to have all the day to ourselves. The big day came and true enough, Brittany arrived with her mom right on time. Rushing down the stairs from my room to greet them, I was beaten to the point by my mother who was there first. There stood Brittany, wearing a pair of jeans and a simple pink tee on top, radiating warmth and happiness with her smile. Standing beside her was her mom who was like an older copy of her. "Diane? Is that you?" "Holly?" As we stood there dumbstruck our mothers hugged and embraced. "Wait? You guys actually know each other?" LJ's Story "We sure do! We went to McGill together. We were floor mates! I haven't seen Diane since we graduated!" We left our mothers to do their catching up in the kitchen whilst I led Brittany to my room. Once there, I made sure that the door was closed. As I turned, Brittany was standing right next to me. Our eyes met, our gazes locked. Mesmerized, I could feel my face lowering and inching towards her. What happened next is a moment that will be engraved in my mind for the rest of my life. As I our faces drew closer, her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted. I could feel our noses gently sliding together; I closed my eyes and then I felt for the very first time in my life the exquisite softness of another female's lips. My very first kiss. The moment may have lasted six to seven seconds as our lips barely pressed together, but at that moment I felt indescribably happy feelings. Just as gently as we had been drawn together, we disengaged and opened our eyes. "I..." we both started to say. "You first...", "no you!" Brittany gingerly clasped my hand with both of hers and looked me in the eyes: "I was hoping you'd do that." "I...Really? You're not grossed out or freaked out or mad at me?" "...and I hope that you'll do that again!" Before my mind had any chance of rationalizing what had just happened, Brittany tugged at my hand and leaned upwards for our second kiss. This time our lips parted somewhat and I could feel the tip of her tongue tentatively seek my own. My body, already on hyper drive from our initial kiss, was on the verge of being consumed by passion. Thankfully, a last rational brain cell in my mind reminded me that there were parents downstairs and maybe, just maybe, what we were doing right now might not sit well with them. With great reluctance, I brought our kissing to a halt. Brittany still had her eyes closed; the smile on her face was enough to liquefy my innards. "That...that was fantastic Jen..." "I...uh...you have no idea how hard it was for me to stop...but...you know...parents downstairs..." We both giggled and hugged. A deluge of conflicting emotions coursed through my mind. Immense happiness and fulfillment but also fear and confusion. It felt so right and perfect to kiss Brittany and know that the feelings were mutual. On the other hand there was fear of the unknown; was this who I was? What did that mean for me? Eventually, the happy feelings won over; I was going to immerse myself in these glorious new sensations and deal with the music later. "We'd better open a window in here. I see that someone feels hot and flustered" "Oh right! As if you look perfectly normal yourself!" We both laughed at that. After straightening our clothes and making sure we looked presentable, I opened the door and led us downstairs once more. Later that day, having said our goodnights to my parents, we headed to my room. It was time to strip and change into our pajamas for the night. As I started to take off my tee, I felt self-conscious and bashful about it. It's not like we hadn't stripped in front of each other like a thousand times, or hadn't caught ourselves checking each other out, but that was within the confines of the lockers were it is "OK" to change in front of others. But here, I was stripping in the privacy of my room in the presence of someone for whom I had...feelings for? Was that it? Whatever it was, it made me feel much more vulnerable and insecure about my self-image. Biting some major bullet, I turned to face her, clad in just my jeans and my hands protectively wrapped around my meager boobs. "This is silly", I head Brittany say. In one fell swoop she took of her tee, jeans and bra and stood there with just her panties on. Although I had seen her a thousand times before in various states of undress, this was the first time that we were alone in private. "Do you like what you see?" Do I like what I see? Hell yes! I want to run over there and do...do things to you. Slowly, we floated towards each other; we embraced and I felt her hot skin touch my own. The feeling is really difficult to describe. Imagine getting ready to take a hot shower; you have the water running and steam has already misted the bathroom. Just before the scalding water hits your skin, that moment where the hot steam engulfs your body and makes even the tiniest of hairs on your body rise, that's how it felt with Brittany in my arms, only it felt better by an unfathomable magnitude. Brittany lightly nuzzled my neck as we held each other, not wanting to let go. The electrifying sensation that my nipples were receiving, just by merely touching her upper torso, as well as the mashing of her breasts on my upper abdomen was causing a flood in my nether region. Ever the pragmatist though, I lowered my head and whispered in her ear: "We'd better get dressed you know..." Sighing, she disengaged from me. I could tell that she was not entirely thrilled with the cessation of our embrace. "Hey...ummm...you know...my parents...this would be extremely difficult to explain..." "Yeah...bummer though..." Dressing up in our childish pajamas, we made our way to our separate beds. Half an hour later the inspection brigade came by ostensibly to wish us good night but in reality to check if we were doing "evil deeds". About half an hour later... "Hey Brit? Are you awake?" "Yeah..." "Wanna join me here?" "Sure!" Scooting towards the wall I made room for her in my bed. Brittany joined me and her face was alight with her smile. We sat there, our heads resting on my pillow, our hands on each other's cheek. I felt my heart simply melt; it felt a bit scary to be honest. I was hopelessly, madly in love with her. "Jen? Why did you choose me? How did you know?" "I...well...I wasn't attracted to girls before you...then again, I've never even had a date before. You...you just made my stomach flutter from the very first time I saw you at swim practice. At first I didn't know what it was...As a matter of fact I'm still...confused? Not about you, about me. A thousand questions dancing in my head. But at moments like this, everything is swept away and I'm just...happy!" "Hush then...and kiss me, please." And just like that, I lost myself in our kiss. And as our passion took over, off came the pajamas. Our kisses deepened; our hands roamed over our bodies and a hunger awoke within me. A hunger I had never before experienced aroused from its slumber; I wanted more. I did not know what it was that I wanted but I needed it nevertheless. I felt Brittany's hand slide down my stomach and my breath caught in my throat. My skin broke in goose bumps and I could feel my nipples being painfully erect. My sweet strawberry blonde looked into my eyes; gone was the playful smile. It had been replaced by a hungry, lustful gaze looking to feast upon me. As her hand reached the waistband of my panties I nervously gulped with anticipation. It was the first time anyone would touch me intimately. She looked deep into my eyes searching for my acquiescence; I nervously nodded and closed my eyes. Her fingers grazed past my pubic hair and ever so slowly, made contact with the shaft of my clit. "Oh yes..." was all that escaped from my mouth. Brittany entwined her legs around my left thigh and her lips joined mine in a kiss. Our tongues danced together for the first time as our passion consumed us. Her finger, now completely coated with my juices, slowly circled the swollen tip of my clitoris, driving me insane. I would have moaned had it not been for our lip-locked kiss. The feeling which was extremely intense, kept on rising and rising. My left hand grabbed the sheets while my right hand dug in Brittany's buttock. My legs stretched out and I could feel my quadriceps bulge out from all the effort. My head lifted off the pillow and there I saw what Brittany was doing. That image pushed me over the top; my back arched like a cat's and a soft "ahhhhh" escaped my lips. Powerful contractions initiating from my genitals crashed through my body sending me reeling with pleasure. Brittany continued her ministrations without the previous urgency and gently brought me down from the heights I had reached. Opening my eyes, I saw her smiling in my face. "...Wow..." "How was it?" "Breathtaking? Spectacular? Awesome? Uhh...I've run out of words here. Probably run out of functioning brain cells too...You! You're not getting away with this so easily!" "I'm not going anywhere..." "I want to return the favor...But I won't know what I'm doing..." "I didn't know what I was doing either. Just go with what feels good and natural..." Switching roles, it was now Brittany who lay her head on the pillow while I was wrapped around her. Soon our leisurely kisses became increasingly hungrier and passionate. I was driven by both lust and fear; I really wanted to devour every inch of her body but at the same time I was afraid of not knowing what to do. One of the stories I had previously read whilst I was prowling the internet mentioned a girl "eating out" her girlfriend. That particular story decided to resurface from the recesses of my mind during a particularly steamy kiss with Brittany. Boldness took over and inundated the rational part of my brain; I was going to do this if it was the last thing I ever did. Crouching on my knees, I shifted the focus of my kisses south of her neckline savoring her milky white skin and her heavenly scent in the process. Cupping her breasts with my hand, I tentatively stuck out my tongue reaching for a pinkish nipple. Brittany sucked in her tummy in anticipation and let out an audible breath when my tongue made contact. Encouraged by her reactions, I became bolder and playfully twirled my tongue over her areola, dancing around the protruding nipple. Out of the corner of my eye, I met her gaze as she intently stared at what I was doing to her. It was a moonlit night and the room was awash with soft light. After mercilessly toying with her nipples, I positioned myself in the lower end of the bed and started trailing sloppy kisses towards her navel. Each kiss would send visible shivers coursing through her body; a helpful and reassuring sign with which to alleviate my rising anxiety. Because, let me tell you, it's one thing to read about something and another thing entirely to actually have to do it for the first time. Was I really going down there? I certainly wanted to. What was I going to do there? Well, one thing at a time. Reaching her pink panties, the very ones she had worn that day at the swimming pool lockers, I could smell her heavenly arousal and actually feel the dampness in the fabric. Her breathing was coming in big gulps now, as if she had run with all her strength for a long time. Mesmerized, I traced the outlines of her outer lips planting small kisses as I went, enjoying the feeling of the fabric as it grazed my lips and nose. Brittany was having a really hard time staying still on the bed and even the clueless me could tell that she was ready for more. Rising, I placed my hands under her buttocks gently tugging at the waistband of her panties. Almost immediately she lifted her butt off the mattress; in one fluid motion her panties were off, lying on the floor. I stopped to take in the view; like I said before, I had seen her naked countless of times but this, this was different. She was my first...woman? Girlfriend? Mate? Whatever we were, this was a moment to engrave in one's memory. A fleeting thought crossed my mind, probably the last rational flicker before my brain completely shut down, that this would be one hell of a situation to have to explain to my parents should we be caught, but at this stage my sexually supercharged body couldn't care less. Gradually I lowered my face towards her waiting genitals. Her crotch was covered with curly blonde pubes which covered her outer lips and formed a rough triangle above. Her inner lips were pinkish in hue and slightly protruded from her slit. A silvery liquid could be seen coating her outer labia while tiny rivulets had formed at the entrance of her vagina. Almost in trance, I stuck out my tongue and for the first time in my life I sensed another female's genitals. The feeling was electrifying; the taste was heavenly, the scent intoxicating. After the first few strokes I grew bolder; I would use the tip of my tongue to trace the folds between her inner and outer labia making a circle around her vagina. Brittany's labored breathing and her occasional whimpering were sure indicators of her arousal. Then, I decided to throw all caution to the wind and gently enwrapped the shaft of her clitoris in my mouth. Sucking slightly on her clit would send Brittany delirious; her breathing was that of an athlete who had completed a marathon and her whimpering had grown in intensity. I was beginning to get worried that we might be heard. I had to end this quickly now. Sucking more firmly, I begun to swirl my tongue around the exposed part of her clit just like I would do to a lollipop. "Oh God...Jen...Oh God..." was what I got in reply. Continuing my oral ministrations, I placed my hands on her boobs and gently pinched her nipples with my fingers. That must have been the dam-breaker for her because her mouth formed in a silent scream and her muscles became taught as she rammed her pussy in mouth. Then, after three or four rough shoves her hands came up and forcefully grabbed my face trying in vain to detach my sucking mouth from her oversensitive clit. "Please...please Jen...no more...please...too sensitive!" "So...was it OK?" "The OKayest! You have absolutely no idea what you did to me!" I smiled and lay down right next to her. Our legs were intertwined, our hands held together and our heads touched on the pillow. "I hate to ruin this, but we'd better dress you know...before we fall asleep like that. I'd hate to have my folks barge in on us like this." "No...sleep...here...next to me..." "In your dreams Brit! No...hey...don't you play sleepy to me! Pick up your PJs and get dressed you knucklehead. If they find us like this I'm toast!" "Nuh Uh...You've got to say the magic word!" As she had her eyes closed pretending to be asleep, I gently nudged her head to the side and breathed in her ear: "Sooooo...let's see if I can get you dressed...I wonder what the magic word could be? Perhaps...if I slid a finger there..." and as I said the words I gave her slit a generous swipe. Brittany totally didn't expect that and nearly yelped off the bed in surprise. "Well, I see that someone is aroused...in more ways than one! Now I'd say that instead of pushing our luck any further, we get dressed in our chaste PJs and catch some shut eye. And...perhaps change into some clean underwear in the process." Reluctantly, Brittany got off my bed and redressed herself. Before turning in for the night, she turned towards me once more: "I...I love you Jennifer..." Without a word, I cupped her face with my hands and gently kissed her. "I love you too..." We stayed like that, staring into each other's eyes. I was happy, content, satisfied, insert positive adjective of your choice here. We hugged once more and then made our way to our beds. Although I would have liked nothing more in the world than to sleep with her in my bed, it would have been impossible to explain should my parents found us like that in the morning. As I lay there in bed, one of the last thoughts before I drifted off to the land of dreams was that, we'd have to be discreet and careful around each other from now on. In the morning, things were particularly dicey; perhaps it was that we exchanged one too many knowing glances between us during breakfast. In any case, my mother gave me a very meaningful look and that was more than enough to freeze the blood in my veins. I never was any good a liar and many times I feared that my mother could see right through me. The day passed without any further incident and what had transpired during breakfast had certainly gone a long way to chastise us. We decided that we would be discreet with each other at swim practice and we would use phones and emails on a daily basis. As her mother arrived to pick her up, we managed to snatch a quick farewell kiss. As I saw their car pull away I felt that I already missed her. I know, I know, hopelessly pathetic on my part, but hey, you've got to cut me some slack here; I was young and in love, I'd just had my feelings returned, not to mention the steamy sex if you can call our fumbling about in the dark that. Well OK, the room was moonlit, I said as such earlier on, but you get the picture. What I learned much later is that, because it's your first time, you don't really know what you're doing and your touch is extra soft and feathery. This may actually be torturous to a partner with whom you're together for some time, but when you're young and exploring around, these feelings are unforgettably magical. Days passed by and you couldn't possibly wipe the joy from my face if you tried. Brittany and I became experts at finding any kind of excuse to be together. We also became experts in impromptu make out sessions, be it in her basement, the woods near the lakefront or once, in our deserted lockers. We were absolutely mad and hungry for each other, the way that only a teenager can be, riding on this incredible roller-coaster of hormones and emotions. And then, my world came crashing down on me sending me reeling with shock and hurt. Brittany's father would have to be transferred once more before the month was out; they'd have to move to a town which was a two hour drive away. Even now as I write this, recalling these memories brings pain and tears in my eyes. A blood-red eyed Brittany came to my house one morning. When I asked her what was the matter she collapsed in my arms in another bout of crying, unable to utter a word. When I finally calmed her down she poured out the awful news to me. I was petrified; I stood there speechless not uttering a word as I felt hot tears streaming down my face. We held each other tightly and silently cried. Needless to say, all the usual promises were made; we would keep in touch, we would write each other, we would visit, we would make this work. We tried to make the most out of our remaining time that summer but our hearts were still stinging and our minds reeling from the shock. Although I tried my best to keep an upbeat altitude around her and an unfazed one around others, there were times when I simply broke down and cried my heart out. Saying my final goodbye to her was the saddest day in my life. I just ensconced myself in my room for two days; I would only leave for some water and to visit the bathroom. My face was gaunt, my eyes were blood red and in general, I looked and felt like shit. My parents and my friends tried to cheer me up with little success. Come to think of it, I was probably behaving like a first class bitch when all that they were trying to do was to lift my spirits a bit. Heart Break & Conclusions The days passed with me wallowing in misery. Normally, going to school was something which I relished. Now though, I was mostly melancholic and moody. I was frequently absentminded and didn't respond to attempts at conversation. Thankfully, I had one thing left to me and that was my swimming practice. Despite the fact that everything there reminded me of Brittany, in the pool I could pour out my frustration by putting in countless of laps, long after everyone was gone. The upside was that my body really shaped up now; I was tall, but I was no longer gangly. My legs had shaped up nicely, my butt stood proudly in the air and my stomach muscles showed the faint contours of a six pack. Even though my assets were, in my view, meager, I started getting some glances in the hallways now and then, something previously unheard off. LJ's Story As time passed by and my heart began to slowly heal over Brittany, I started having all these gnawing questions inside me once more. What was I? Was I a lesbian? A dyke as they, so rudely, called them? Was I bisexual? Was this a phase? If it wasn't how would I know? If it wasn't, what was going to happen to me? I had seen some of the harassment going on at school with even the slightest of pretexts or rumors. You must remember that these were the 90s and although society was beginning to acquaint itself with issues of homosexuality, openly exposing one's self to the public was still a thorny issue. This was especially true in the unforgiving world of teen peer pressure, where, even wearing the wrong clothing could brandish you as a freak or an outcast. And although my body was screaming to me that, hey girlie, I like boobies and booty, my mind was still trying to square the circle. In the end, bowing to public demand from friends and family alike (why aren't you dating anyone?), I decided to give boys a chance. There was this guy, a speed skater, whose name was Friedrich, probably of German origin, whom we all called Fred for short. He was tall, taller than me (thank God), blonde with blue eyes and exceptionally well built. He readily agreed on a date with me, so I had no other option but to follow through. I half-heartedly went through the notions of primping myself up for our Saturday evening date. I say evening date, because I was on a strict eleven PM curfew at home. Return back a minute later and I risked being grounded for the next two weeks. We met with Fred at an uptown mall and proceeded from there. He was indeed quite handsome to look at and I knew that many of my girl palls from school would happily knife me in the back to take my place. His looks were, in fact, just fine; he looked like one of those Arian poster children straight out of a Nazi propaganda leaflet of the thirties. Now, don't get me wrong here, if you were into males he was eye candy. For me though his looks didn't ring any bells. I had to mentally stop comparing him with Brittany if I was to give him a fair chance. As the evening wore on though, other alarm bells started going off. You see, Mr. Fred had a very haughty self-image and he thought that I, not only should be in awe of his presence, but I should also feel honored and privileged to be breathing the same air as he was. Had it been only that, it would have been the source of a few laughs and giggles over gossip with my palls. Against my better judgment, I decided to play along when he suggested that we take a walk in the park, even though the weather was quite frosty outside. When his body language suggested a kiss I went with it; after all this was the main reason I had agreed on going on a date in the first place. I wanted to see if boys did anything for me. Fred was a sloppy kisser using too much tongue and too much jaw power. His kissing was rough and it did absolutely nothing for me. Then, I felt his hand grope for my tits through my woolen sweater. His handling was much too brutish and he was actually hurting me instead of pleasuring me. What really nauseated me though was when he tried to go for my bits under my skirt. Thankfully, I not only wore a pantyhose, but I had a leotard underneath. Enough was enough. I pushed him away forcefully. "Fred, NO, means, NO!" "What? Am I not good enough for you, you cold hearted dyke? Perhaps if I was your blonde little fairy from the pool, then you would have liked it better, huh?" "What? What are you talking about you jerk? I'm not a dyke and she was my friend you brainless asshole!" "Yeah right! Friend my ass Jen. We've all heard the rumors you know, I went out with you just to see if they were true. Well I guess we'll all know now!" Loosening his grip, I fled the scene and ran. Hot tears were streaming down my face and sobs were wracking my chest. After running for a bit, I collapsed on the sidewalk; hugging my knees I just let the dam burst. "Are you alright Miss?" "Yes...yes...I'm fine...fine...thank you." "Would you like me to walk you someplace? Would you like me to take you to a phone?" "No...no...Thank you...Thanks a lot...My house is really just nearby." The exchange with the patrol officer immediately shook me up. I composed myself, wiped my eyes and nose as best as I could and walked home. I hoped to God that my parents wouldn't be waiting for me in the living room because I knew I was probably a walking wreck; my makeup must have been all over my face, my clothes were disheveled and dirty and I couldn't stop shaking. Fate, for the first time that night, smiled kindly upon me and my parents were in the family room watching a movie. That allowed me to yell a quick "I'm back you guys" and rush to my room to change and clean up. Although considerably relieved to be within the confines of my room, I still couldn't stop shaking. "Hey there baby. So how was your date?" Startled, I nearly jumped to the ceiling. It was just my mom checking on me. "Oh...hi mom. Yeah it was OK." "Which means it wasn't. Are you OK? You look like a ghost...and you're...you're shivering! Jennifer? What happened?" "The date was OK mom, nothing for the books but it was fine." "What happened to your clothes? And why are your eyes all red? Have you been crying?" That's when I lost it and broke down in wracking sobs. My mom, God bless her for that, had the decency to close the door and sit me on the bed. There, she held me in her arms like she would a baby and slowly soothed my aching heart. "Thanks for that...I really needed a hug..." "Anytime baby, you know we love you and we're always here for you. You're still our baby girl you know...if you want to talk, privately if...you know...you're embarrassed of your father, I'm here for you. Whenever you want..." I let out a large sigh. Well, I'd better get this out of my system now that it was still raw. Summoning my courage I started my narrative. "...we went out with Fred, the guy on the speed skating team. At first he was all nice and courteous...he was OK but I wasn't really into him...just not interested. He suggested that we take a walk in the park and I went with it...he..." "shhhhhh...it's alright honey...it's alright...ssssshhhhh..." My mom shushed and held me like she would if I was a small infant seeking solace and comfort. "...he kissed me...rather roughly. It was gross and I didn't really like it...he...he groped my...my chest and he tried to get his hands beneath my skirt...I was wearing a pantyhose and a leotard so he didn't do anything...I pushed him away...he called me several names as he held my arm...I managed to ran away...and now I'm here." "Oh dear...that's just terrible! We should press charges against him!" "No mom...please...please don't...please...It's already terrible as it is. Please let's not have the whole town know about this! He didn't do any real harm, he was just being a jerk. I'd just like to put this behind me..." "I don't know...I'll discuss this with your father..." "Mom? Can we keep this a secret? Between the two of us? Dad will flip if he learns of this. He'll have a bodyguard for all I know shadowing my every move...Listen...If I have any more trouble from him I'll let you know first thing...I promise...Can we just forget about it for now?" Mom smiled wanly and held me tight. "If that's what you want dear, then yes, it will be our secret...for now..." Thankful for her comfort and relieved by our cathartic discussion, I went to my bed and slept the sleep of the dead. The good thing was that I woke up on Sunday feeling much better and refreshed. My parents had taken Elisabeth with them and left for mass; this was exceedingly rare. Usually my mother would wake me up and ask me if I wanted to join them. But today they had let me sleep right through. Being on my own, I started to think some things through. The dating issue had gone disastrously wrong, true, but the thing is that even looking at Fred, who was by all standards quite handsome, didn't do anything for me. What I needed, was more information. I had to know more. Taking advantage of my home alone time, I fired up the PC and started looking. After many false leads, I stumbled on a page called "Young Lesbians Support Forum". "This site is for females ONLY, if you're not a female LEAVE NOW. If you use a fake identity and we find out, we WILL go after you. You have been warned" read the disclaimer. Curious, I clicked myself in. There were all manners of discussion threads and a plethora of information tabs which I started to delve into. Hearing our car reach the driveway, I quickly bookmarked the page for further reference and shut down the computer. This looked like a promising start in my hunt for knowledge. A couple of weeks passed by and one day, as I was swapping bags at my locker a group of ice hockey jocks passed by. Their presence didn't actually register, but when I turned to leave I heard, just barely within my hearing range, the word "dyke" followed by raucous laughter. The icy talons of fear dug deep within me; I had to mentally force myself to keep walking and just ignore them. Come on Jennifer, they're just being jerks, so OK Fred, that royal jack ass was probably true to his word and spread his filth. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you angry or hurt. Just leave the scene and think about this later. Thankfully, I was able to heed the rational part of my brain and suppressing my hurt and anger I didn't respond. Although the next few days I heard a few nasty words flying behind my back, managing to keep my cool helped to diffuse the situation. That and of course my six feet of height dissuaded any would be provocateurs from confronting me directly. Behind my studied calm however, I was scared and scared shitless to be precise. My information queries on our home PC more and more confirmed what I felt inside. This was not a phase for me and I was in fact, in all likelihood a lesbian. That and of course the fact, that all my masturbating fantasies were filled with me doing things to other girls, or vice versa. Troubles & Loose Ends These masturbating fantasies were the cause of an extremely harrowing episode that nearly sent my world crashing. During my senior year, I had gotten all chummy with a user of that forum and she had started sending via email or ICQ file transfer, images of lesbian erotica. These were not your usual male lesbian porn crap but rather they were high quality scans of female erotic photography. I was usually very careful with these and made sure that I was home alone when I perused them. On this particular incident however, I was horny as hell and sent all caution to the wind; I would do it right there and then, smack on the chair. In front of me, was the black and white image of a beautiful woman; she was wearing a sheer spaghetti-strap top through which her nipples could be seen poking. Her eyes were closed and her mouth had a slight "O" shape. Her left hand slightly squeezed her voluptuous breast while her right hand was underneath her matching panties. This image bought back so many memories of our first night with Brittany but it also caused a wave of hornyness that made me twitch on the chair. The door to the family room was slightly ajar and my parents were down stairs watching a film on the living room TV. My sister Elisabeth was out for the night. My mind screamed at me to stop what I was doing, switch off the PC and go wherever else and take care of things. But the image being projected on the seventeen inch screen beckoned to me like the sirens did to Ulysses. One hand went beneath my T-shirt squeezing my braless tit. The other went below my sweat pants, underneath my panties and right smack into my incredibly soaked slit. Like a possessed person, my hand went into a frenzy; my clit felt like it was an itch which begged to be scratched. I arched my back on the swivel chair and my legs stretched out in anticipation of a much needed orgasm. "Jennifer? What's going on here?" OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! It was my father. Thankfully, after the initial shock of having witnessed his daughter going to town in front of a semi-nude woman passed, he had the decency to wordlessly leave the room. Oh my GOD!! I want the earth to open up and swallow me NOW! Panic set in and I could feel my hands shaking as I desperately tried to shut down the damned thing. After that, I rushed into the bathroom, washed my hands and then changed into a clean set of panties. Just as I had finished with that, I heard my mother come in the room and close the door behind her. Oh God...here it comes, I thought. "Jennifer? Is there something you wish to tell me dear?" "Mom, this is embarrassing beyond words..." "Well, your father is pretty shocked right now so if you could enlighten me...I heard his version of the story...I'd like to hear yours now." "Well...I...I...ummm...Dad caught me with my hands down my pants...I..." Hot tears of shame were streaming down my face now as my head drooped. "Honey, I'm not talking about that. Masturbating is perfectly normal and it's all part of life and growing up as a healthy teenager. It's what you were watching that I'd like you to elaborate on." "I...it was an image of a woman..." "I know that honey...Is there something else I should know about?" "I...it...it was...I was just curious...it was nothing...I promise I'll never do anything like that again." "Dearest, I will not lie to you. Your father was shocked to see you like that. He...It's not so much what you did but what you were watching. Now, I know that this is not the proper time for a more thorough conversation, so I'll take your word for it and scratch this incident on mere curiosity from your part. I'll go downstairs and calm your father down, however you should be more careful when you handle the PC especially because your younger sister uses it too. I'd also advise you to be a bit more careful in the house darling. We're not prudes or anything but your father deserves better don't you think?" She left the room leaving me a crying mess. I was ashamed and scared; but worst of all, I had no one to talk about it. I had a couple of friends with whom I was close but my affair with Brittany had chilled things between us somewhat. Again, you must keep in mind that these were the 90s; people were much more biased and misinformed about people of different sexuality. I was young, confused, living in middle town suburbia and scared shitless of what could happen to me should anyone find out. Thankfully I had two things going for me; my rational cool head and surprisingly, my mother. Yes, my church going mother turned out to be much more open-minded than I gave her the credit; in essence she became my biggest ally. While I still didn't know what would happen should I completely come out to my parents, my mother calmed down my father and dissuaded him from banning me from using the home PC. She brilliantly told my father that "if we ban Jennifer from using the PC here, she'll just find someplace else to go." My father, despite the fact that he inspired more fear than he indulged, could never hold an argument with my mother; after being grounded for two weeks, I had my privileges fully reinstated. In fact, to my absolute surprise, I was promised a lap top should I make a high enough GPA to enter a university of choice. This very close brush with total destruction taught me that I unfortunately had to be a bit more subtle with my sexuality. I had to play along, dot the "i" and cross the "t", study like a madman and get the hell out of high school and my town. I figured that, once in a big city campus, things should be much more liberal and less constricting. I could perhaps meet with like-minded people without having to play James Bond just to steal a kiss. To create an additional layer of safety and along the way silence a few mouths, I decided to have another go at dating. Now, I understand that this was pathetically Machiavellian from my part; I was going to lie not only to my parents and friends but also to my prospective boyfriend, should I be lucky enough to land one. You must also understand that senior prom was coming up and you just didn't go there on your own. Not going, or going alone would raise question marks with my parents; going with a girlfriend was some light years ahead in the future. If I was to keep up the illusion that I was your average straight girl I had to go there with a date. I'd have to be really careful with that too; the last one I chose turned out to be a complete asshole. But then again, who was I to criticize? I was looking for someone, essentially to use him long enough to get out of this town and on to university. My determination that year paid off handsomely; my GPA soared and in fact my senior year was, academically, my best. I also kept up with my swimming practice which helped me vent all my caged frustration. Although I did very well and made it through to the 200 meter butterfly state finals, I had decided not to opt for an athletic scholarship and go for an academic acceptance instead. My plan was to get accepted to the Bachelor of Engineering program of the McGill University in Montreal. It was the same university my mother had been to, the institution had a stellar reputation, it was situated in a big cosmopolitan city and it was a three hour drive from our home town. Close enough not to feel homesick but far enough to avoid excessive parental control. The final piece to my plans was the much dreaded boyfriend thing. There was this tall lanky guy in my Chemistry class who was a complete science geek. He wore glasses just like me and he knew chemistry and physics inside out. I had never once seen him get below 95% on a project, assignment or test. Joshua was a man of few words; he would help you out if you asked for his assistance and he was very modest about his considerable academic prowess. We had paired up quite a few times for our chemistry lab experiments and he never ceased to amaze me with his insight. I knew he didn't have anyone else to go to the prom with so I decided to ask. I caught him one day in the hallway as he was stacking some books in his locker. "Hey Josh...wait up..." "Oh...hullo there Jen...what's up?" "There's...there's something I'd like to ask of you. Would you like to be my date for the prom?" "Oh? That's certainly out of the blue." "And why's that?" "Walk with me. Do you have another class right now? Can you spare ten minutes?" "Sure, I have a one hour study period...lead on!" We exited the school premises and headed for the park which was adjacent. "So?" "So what?" "Will you be my date?" "Why would you want me to be your date?" This certainly wasn't going as I had planned it. I had thought that he would have eagerly jumped at the chance to be seen with a girl. I certainly wasn't prepared to be scrutinized as such and uncomfortably stared at my shoes, trying to think of something more to say. He broke the silence first: "Look Jen...I may be a geek, I may be quiet and spend my time in the library but I'm not stupid. I'll be honest with you; I've heard the rumors...and before you say anything, I don't care what you like and what you do in bed. If girls do it for you, power to you then. You're a good person who's treated me humanely, which is more than can be said about many of our classmates. I know how it feels to be different. I know how it feels to stand out from the crowd. So...the answer is yes Jen...I'll be your date...We'll put up one hell of a show." Without words, with tears streaking from my eyes, I hugged him and stayed like that for some time. You cannot possibly imagine or put to words for that matter how liberating it felt to have someone, anyone know of your secret. How it felt like a weight being lifted off my chest to have someone accept me for what I am and not judge me for the sex of the person I chose to be with.