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Facing My Demons Ch. 01

By: juicyj19



This is a continuation of Meeting My Angel 1-4. I felt that story line was getting a bit dry so I decided to spice things up. Please have an open mind because I have changed the whole scheme of things. The submission of the next story is subject to the feedback on this chapter so please comment. 

xoxo

-JuicyJ19 

***

Angie and I made our way to the grocery store one warm afternoon. We had been together for about two months and we had established a nice routine. Things had been a bit tumultuous because she still refused to tell her parents about me and that stress weighed heavily on me. It was the first thing I had told her that I couldn't deal with when we first got together. She promised to do it but time ticked by and she hadn't. She did other things with me, public things, to make me feel better about it, like grocery shopping.

I was standing in front of the drink isle when I heard a voice that made me drop the bottle of soda from my hands. The bottle tumbled around the ground and then rested at my feet.

"Hello cara." I heard a sultry voice say. I knew exactly who it was without turning around although I prayed that I was wrong. Angie spun around to see our mysterious guest but she had no idea who she was. I stood still refusing to face my past. I prayed to every god I had ever heard of that I was wrong. I needed to be wrong but I knew better. I only knew one Italian who called me cara. (Cara is an italian word meaning my beloved. It's a kind of Italian pet name.) "Come one, cara, you can't just pretend that I'm not here." 

I forced myself to turn around and I saw before me the one person I had not wanted to see. I decided to at least pretend to be civil and I kissed my ex briefly on the cheek. I knew she would hate not getting a hug. "I thought you had gotten married and moved to away." 

At first her only response was a deep throaty laugh but then I got my answer. "I did, cara. But then I got bored and I moved on. Seems you have done the same. Aren't you going to introduce me?" I hated the way she called me cara. It wasn't fair. She had made it more than evident that I had never been her 'beloved'. 

"Tia this is Angela Harris, my girlfriend. Angie this is Natalia De Luca." Tia's name rolled off my tongue like venom. I was in no way shape or form happy to see her and I wasn't pretending otherwise. She had ripped my heart from my chest and seeing her made me feel the same crushing pain I had years before.

"Girlfriend, huh?" Tia turned the word over and thought. "Hmmm... Anyway, how's Roxy?" I couldn't help but laugh. Tia was never a fan of Roxy and they hadn't exactly ended on good terms. 

"She had been staying out of trouble since you left. Although I did have to promise that I would stay away from you. She wasn't exactly thrilled about this." I held up my hand and showed her the scars that marked it. Angie finally realized who Tia was and she didn't look too happy about it either.

I saw an instant look of sadness on Tia's face but it soon vanished and a smile took its place. If I hadn't known her as well as I did not even I would've been able to see it. 

"I bet Roxy would try to beat me senseless if she saw me here with you. There isn't a chance that she is here, is there?" I shook my head and Tia feigned a look of disappointment. "That's alright. I will find her soon enough, we have some catching up to do. I always liked that she was protective of you. I never told her that but it's true. Anyway, it is a strange coincidence that I found you here. I was planning on making my grand entrance a bit more stealthily but life has a way of always knocking you on your ass, doesn't it?"

"That is does. So what had you planned for this grand entrance." I don't know why I asked but I regretted it as soon as I got my answer. I was playing with fire and I knew it would only be a matter of time before I got burned. Tia had always been good at burning my heart.

"I guess it doesn't matter." Tia said as she looked straight at Angie for a moment before her eyes traveled back to me. "I will see you soon, cara. I have to see Roxy first but then we will really talk. It was nice to meet you Angela." Tia then turned and disappeared as quickly as she had shown up.

I wanted to stop her and ask her what the hell she was going to talk to Roxy about but I knew better then to chase after Tia when I was with Angie.

"What the fuck was that?" Angie asked. She was more upset that I had anticipated. I shrugged the whole situation off but I knew things were going to get rocky. It was Tia's specialty. Angie reluctantly dropped the subject at my, very forceful, request. I however couldn't force my own mind to drop it.

Angie went off to work the next day, Saturday, but I had the day off. At noon my doorbell rang. Thinking it was Roxy, I simply called out that it was unlocked. But it wasn't Roxy. It was Tia.

"You shouldn't leave your door unlocked, cara, you never know who could just walk in." Tia said smoothly, causing me to turn around sharply. I don't know why seeing her made me so nervous but it did. I felt the same way I had when we first met, like a nervous wreck. "This was more the type of entrance I had wanted to make. I love surprises."

Before I had a chance to respond my phone rang. I mumbled something to Tia about needed to get it and she nodded. 

"Hello" I answered. It was almost like my life was too confusing to think about and answering the phone was my only outlet.

"Guess who came to visit me." Roxy said on the other end. I would've laughed if I hadn't been so desperate.

"I think I know." I answered coolly. I didn't want Tia to know I was talking to Roxy. So I tried not to be obvious.

"Tell me that bitch isn't there." Roxy yelled into the receiver. It blared through my end I was sure Tia had heard it. 

"Hello Roxy." Tia said with a laugh, confirming my suspicions. She rolled her eyes but smiled anyways. My god she was beautiful. Beyond compare actually.

"That fucking BITCH!..." Rocky blared into the receiver.

"I've gotta go. I'll call you later." I mumbled into the phone before hanging up.

"I can tell you what she was going to say." Tia grinned after I hung up the phone. I felt my knees get weak just at the sound of her voice. The more she was around less angry I was. Somewhere inside I still had a weak spot for her; unfortunately it was primarily located right between my legs... I refused to think about the large part of my heart that still belonged to her.

"I visited her last night at her bar. We had a not so pleasant conversation which led to this." Tia continued speaking then lifted her shirt and showed me a large bruise on her ribs. 

"Good god, Tia, what did you say?" I asked as I ran over to check on her. I still loved her no matter how badly she had broken my heart and seeing her injured caused me pain. I have to yell at Roxy for this, I made the note in my head.

"How about I give you a rundown of the night?" Tia asked. I ran my fingers over her bruise and nodded. I felt her side with my fingertips gently but she winced so I lowered her shirt and I let her get on with the story. 

She took a seat at the counter and spoke. "So I walk into the bar, right, and off the bat Roxy runs around the bar and starts yelling a whole bunch of nonsense about how she is going to kick my ass for showing up there again and that I shouldn't go near you; blah blah blah. After she calmed down a bit I was able to ask my first question. I asked how serious you were with your little girlfriend." Tia wisely ignored the annoyed look on my face and continued unperturbed. "That got me a nice slap across the face. Then there was more threatening, on her part. I swear I never raised a hand to her though. She told me that she would break my face if I tried anything with you, as if she could, and she reminded me about... well about everything. I have to say I was pushing my luck with my next line. I turned to her and said: 'so I guess you aren't cool with me trying to get her back then?' Like I said, I have to admit that I knew that was pushing it. But how was I supposed to know that she was going to knee me in the ribs. Hell I thought she had broken at least one."

"Damn it, Tia, you can't just do things like that." I complained but Tia waved my comments aside.

"Relax, cara. I promised you I wouldn't fight her again and I didn't. I've been hurt worse anyway, but I have to warn you, next time Roxy gets a little too big for her britches I am going to remind her who I am." Tia's voice was warm and inviting, making her stinging words that much harsher. "But anyway, I came to see you not to talk about my visit with your friend. Since she didn't answer me I guess you are going to have to. How serious are you with this girl?"

"She isn't just a girl. She's my girlfriend. It's not just a game between us." I said firmly. Probably more firmly than necessary.

"Relax, cara. Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" Once again her voice was calm and it sounded like velvet. But I tried to retain a clear mind.

"Damn it, Natalia. You can't just come into my life and try to ruin things..." I started to yell but Tia was on her feet before I could get too far.

"Don't start that 'Natalia' bullshit with me, Nikki. I came back to fix things between us and low and behold you have some girl attached to your hip. I don't want to ruin anything but I saw how you looked at her in that store. You were hoping that she wasn't there. I saw it in your eyes, Nikki. I know you better than anyone else. You don't love her the way you love me." Tia stepped closer to me but I backed up instinctually. 

"You broke my heart." I whispered. My voice cracked when I came out. 

"I know I did but I did what I thought was best for you. I did what I thought you wanted." Tia yelled with a pained look in her eyes. I had stung her with that last comment. 

"What I wanted?" I repeated. Now it was my turn to be angry and yell. "When I got back from the hospital you had already left. There was no trace of you. Your clothes, makeup, pictures, everything was gone. I cried for weeks. I called and left messages but you never called back. Then two years later I get an invitation to your wedding. What the fuck was that?"

"I know that." Tia sank back onto the stool she had been on. "It wasn't easy to leave you. After the accident Roxy told me about . . . The fact is that I made some bad choices. Really bad choices. But I never stopped loving you. I invited you to that wedding praying that you would ask me to cancel it. Then I went through with it to spite you. I never wanted that life, that fake marriage. I've never loved anyone but you and I certainly didn't love that guy." 

"Roxy told you what?" I asked. Out of everything she said I chose the smallest detail to pick out. The rest I just couldn't deal with. What had Roxy said to Tia after I fell down those stairs? It couldn't have been that bad. Back then they had cursed each other out on a daily basis. What could Tia have taken so personally?

"She told me you would be better off without me. She had never sounded so sure about it. She said you hated me for accidentally hurting you and that you would never forgive me." I saw a tear fall from Tia's eye but she wiped it before it got anywhere. She continued on like nothing had happened. "She said your life would be better off if I just disappeared. So I took off. I packed my shit and ran. I thought it's what you wanted. Then when the calls came from you I got a little hopeful. And I did call back. I called and Roxy picked up. She told me that you were already back on your feet and that she had been right all along. She said you hated me. I never called back after that."

I slumped back against the wall and I thought about what she had said. I had cried my eyes out when Tia left me. Roxy had been my only support. How could she have betrayed me in that way? I grabbed my cell phone and sent Roxy a urgent text message to get to my house immediately. As soon as the phone confirmed that the message was sent I threw it across the room. It shattered against the wall.

"Relax, cara. I am not here to bring up the past or to blame Roxy for my mistakes. I just came back to try to work things out. We were never as bad as Roxy convinced you that we were. I never really hurt you, not physically, except for the accident, and you never hurt me either. We never went to the hospital or ended up bruised or bloody or even with a scratch. We knew when to stop and we never got carried away. That night you hit me for the first time then you tripped and I have regretted that fight every night since then. I'd give anything to take it back." Tia stood and helped me back up to my feet. "Nikki, I am sorry for the pin I have caused you the years but I want you to know that you didn't suffer alone. I have loved you since the day I met you and I still do. I got married to someone else loving you instead and I will continue loving you until the day I die."

"Tia, I..." in reality I had no idea what to say. Tia shrugged off my dispute.

"I know you have a lot of things to think about. Life isn't as easy as when I left but remember that we were happy before all of the mess. We were happy before jealousy and anger took a hold of us. We could be happy again but you need to figure things out first. You know how to get a hold of me. My parent's house is in the same spot and they miss you by the way. They still love you and I do too." She smiled and kissed my cheek. "See you later, cara." 

Just as Tia made for the door, Roxy walked in.

"What the fuck did you do?" Roxy asked Tia after she looked at me. I really must have looked like a mess sitting on the floor crying with my shattered phone on the ground across the room.

"Me? Maybe you should look in a mirror if you want an answer to that question. I came to face my demons. Maybe it is time you do the same." Tia grabbed her purse and made for the door once more but Roxy's voice stopped her by pushing her shoulders.

"Listen bitch..." Roxy was silenced by a backhanded slap from Tia and in my opinion Roxy deserved it.

"I'm sure you can figure out what that's for," with that Tia walked towards the door intent on leaving me with the mess she had brought BACK to my door.

"Come back here." Roxy said softly, causing Tia to freeze in her tracks. She turned around but didn't return to where we were standing. 

Roxy continued talking when Tia refused to turn around."I assume you told her already so you might as well stay and hear this." 

Roxy rubbed at her face where Tia hit her. Maybe it had hurt more than I had assumed. Tia did as Roxy asked but she sat at the counter and stayed out of the way.

"Tell me she's lying, Rox." I said almost begging. I didn't want to think that my best friend could've betrayed me like that. "Tell me that you didn't tell her to leave me."

"I can't do that, Nik." Roxy face was one of pure sadness. She looked at me almost like it hurt her. "I always knew she would come back and I always knew she would tell you the truth. I can't tell you that I didn't do it but I can tell you why I did it. Nikki, you have to remember how the two of you were together. I had never seen anything like it before and it scared me. When you got hurt it scared me. I knew you loved her but a love like the one between you guys was something from another world. It was like you two were different sides of the same coin. When she hurt, you hurt and I was scared to death for you. Remember that you ended up on my doorstep every time you two fought? Remember how broken up you were? So I put her to the test. I asked her to leave. I told her that if she ever loved you that she would pack her shit and go. She did and seeing you crushed the way you were proved that I had been right. You were a kid, hell we all were. I didn't think that you could keep going on with her and I did something that I thought was best for you. But I knew you would find out one day. I am truly sorry for the pain you went through but I am not sorry that I tried to protect you." Roxy stood silent for a moment as if waiting for me answer her but I didn't know what to say. It wasn't until I looked at Tia that the words came to me.

"You convinced me that she never loved me." I whispered. "I let you convince me that she never loved me. How could you do that to me? If you knew how much I loved her then why would you hurt me like that? Did you do that to protect me too?" I was much calmer than I should've been. 

"I'm sorry, Nikki." was all Roxy could say. I don't know what I had expected but I wanted something more than 'I'm sorry'. Sensing my dislike of her answer she gave me one more. "I did it for you." She added. 

That made me angrier then I had ever been at her. I walked over to her and slapped her hard across the face, the same way Tia had. It was the first time I had ever hit her and I didn't do it to hurt her. I did it to show her how disgusted I was with her. How hurt. How betrayed. How angry.

"Nikki, relax." Tia called from her barstool. I had almost forgotten that she was there. Her simple words caused my entire demeanor to change. I felt more relaxed. She was back. She had loved me. It was all a mistake. Everything could be alright again, she DID love me. As I thought all of this an image popped into my mind, an image of Angie. What would all of that do to her? As if on cue Angie walked through the door next. I looked over at the clock and she was right on time. Had Tia really been there for three hours? Time seemed to have flown by.

"I'm sorry. I just can't..." I said to the three women that surrounded me. I was sorry for hitting Roxy. I was sorry for believing that Tia never loved me and I was sorry for dragging Angie into all of it. My thoughts started to overwhelm me so I grabbed my keys. I hadn't needed to say anything. Tia knew me better than anyone else. She tossed me hers before I could find mine in the bottom of my infernal bag.

"Take mine, cara." she said in her sultry velvet voice. I caught the keys and left. I had no idea where I was going or when I was coming back but I knew I couldn't deal with it all at that moment so I ran; as fast as Tia's Ferrari would take me, I ran.

***

This is where I will take over the story. Most of you think I am the big bad wolf come to disturb the peace but in reality I wanted no such thing. I had no idea Nikki would have a girlfriend. It broke my heart to see it but I got over it. After all, a history like ours isn't easily silenced. Let me pick off where Nikki left off...

Nikki dashed out the front door with my keys in her hands. Roxy stood ten feet from me with tears in her eyes, whether from Nikki's slap or her own feelings I will never know. Angela stood by the door with the most pathetic lost look on her face. She truly had no idea what was going on. I sighed and hopped down from the bar and went to fix myself a drink. I knew Nikki always kept liquor around and I knew exactly where, it had been my home too once upon a time. I stayed in the kitchen silently as Roxy filled Angela in as to what had happened. Roxy did a good job of stating the facts in an unbiased way. She didn't make herself out to be the victim or me out to be the villain. I was surprised. She made our story out to be one of lost love and misguided attempts to prevent the pain of our loved ones. Angela sat and listened. She seemed to understand and she didn't seem too upset. I was slightly shocked by how accepting she was of the whole thing, it seemed too easy for her to take. I was really shocked when she walked over to the kitchen and handed me a folded piece of paper.

"There is a lot that you and Nikki need to figure out. Give this to her please and tell her I am not angry with her." Angela forced a smile then walked out the door.

I was left in silence with the one person who hated me most in the world, although I didn't know why she disliked me so. We had never been friends, that's true, but I had never caused her insult so great that I couldn't be forgiven, I never caused her insult at all actually. I had done as she had asked. I had left. I broke the heart of the one woman who loved me and whom I loved in return. 


Facing My Demons Ch. 01



"Do you think she can ever forgive me?" Roxy asked softly from the safe confines of the couch, she didn't turn to look at me. 

Would you forgive you? Those were the first words that popped into my head but I knew better than to actually speak them. I didn't want to cause Roxy more pain than she was already going through. If I would've asked her that question I wouldn't have been the person that Nikki had fallen in love with so long ago. I had to better than that. (FYI. If I hadn't trying to be such a good person my answer would've been: FUCK NO.)

"Do you think she can ever forgive me?" I asked, turning her question back at her. I wanted Roxy to know that she wasn't the only one who had wronged. I too had caused the heartbreak of my precious cara. My beloved. No matter the reason, I had been the one to leave her. Roxy could only take so much responsibility for it.

"Fair enough," Roxy whispered. Her voice so weak I could barely hear it. She stood so quickly is startled me for a moment. She looked my direction and I saw a look upon her face that I had never seen before. "I'm sorry. It isn't until now that I have realized that in trying to make her hate you I have made her hate me. She won't want me here when she gets back. Tell her I am sorry and that I love her. When she is ready she knows where to find me." I nodded and watched her walk to the door. The way her head hung low on her shoulders made me feel bad for her.

It isn't only your fault." I called out causing her to turn and look at me. "You aren't entirely to blame. We all have to face our sins and it looks like ours caught up with us sooner than expected. I'm sorry that my coming back hurt your relationship with her but put yourself in my shoes. Could you leave her forever, even if you thought it was what she wanted?" This time it was Roxy who nodded before she left. 

I was left in Nikki's house all alone with only the guilt of my past to keep me company. It was 2 o'clock when Roxy left and Nikki didn't return until nearly 6. Four hours is a lot of time to sit thinking only of your regrets.

"I owe you a tank of gas." Nikki mumbled as she dropped my keys by the door. 

"Don't be stupid, I will fill the tank later. Did you really need to think that long or did you just want an excuse to drive my car around?" I asked lightheartedly. My lame excuse for a joke got half a smile from Nikki. It was more than worth it.

"Honestly? Maybe a bit of both." Nikki said as she joined me in the living room. Just then I heard barking and shouting from the backyard and it caused me to laugh. I knew what was going on.

"The fucking gardener." Nikki complained as she went to the backdoor and let our dogs in... her dogs. I hadn't seen them in three years what right did I have to claim them? The dogs rushed in and I couldn't help but pet and play with them as they ran towards me. It was like no time had passed. 

"I've missed them." I laughed as they jumped on me. I was quickly left with a sobering feeling. I pushed the dogs away and looked back at Nikki who was still standing by the door. 

"I've missed you." I added pathetically. Nikki walked over to the couch and slumped next to me. I couldn't help but pull her into my arms. It felt like that was where she belonged. The smell of her warm vanilla shampoo and body lotion caused me to shiver slightly. I could still remember all the times I had watched in wonder as she applied those lotions to her naked form. The thought made me weak at the knees. I was thankful that I was sitting.

"What happened to us?" She asked weakly. My heart ached to see her in such pain but I forced a smile and looked at her.

"We got old." I joked. Again I got half a smile and I felt a bit better in a way. "Really? Roxy was right. We were kids. We had a romanticized notion of what love is. Sacrifice and pain aren't part of love. Real life isn't some Shakespearean type of love story. Love isn't about how much you are willing to sacrifice it is about how much you are willing to go through to make it work. I should've stayed, no matter what. I should've stayed." 

My fingers twirled in Nikki's long black locks and it almost felt like we had never missed a day together. Part of me wanted to take her up to her room and ravage her but part of me wanted to simply hold and cuddle with her for the rest of my life.

***

I don't know why I sat with Tia. Or why I let her play with my hair the way she had when we were together. Maybe it was the way she played with my dogs... Our dogs I guess. She had gotten them for me and we have raised them together before she had left me. 

"T, what are we going to do?" I asked in a trembling voice. Did I want sex? Was staying with Angie worth losing Tia? Was going back with Tia worth losing Angie? Nothing made sense anymore. I wanted to curl up into a ball and hide, I just wanted it all to stop, but life continued moving forward and Tia just continued playing with my hair. 

"Everything will be okay. You don't have to make any decisions tonight. Oh, by the way Angela left this for you." Tia passed me a note and I read what my angel had written me.

I am not mad at you and I don't blame you for being lost. You told me once that you had never loved her and I knew it was a lie. I could see in your eyes that you not only loved her but that you would never love another the way you loved her. You still care for her more than you would like to admit but it is true. Spend time with her and see if are still in love with her the way you once were. If you aren't then you know where to find me and we can try to work on you and me. If you are still in love with her... Well if you are then I am really happy for you. Everyone deserves to find true love. You may have already found yours. 

--Angie. 

***

Nikki passed me the note and I read the words over. I killed me that she had said that she had never loved me. Roxy really had worked one hell of a spell over her but I couldn't really blame anyone but myself. If I had been there for her Roxy wouldn't have been able to do anything. It was really all my fault. 

"What happens now?" Nikki asked in a small voice. In all my years with her I had never seen her act that way. She looked like she needed me to take care of her. I hugged her tightly and kissed the top of your head.

"You should go to bed. I can come back in the morning and we can talk. Roxy said that she..." Nikki cut me off before I could finish.

"I don't want to talk about her right now and I would really like it if you would stay with me. Not like for sex or anything but stay with me like you used to." Nikki looked at me and for the first time in three years I felt hope.

Part of me wanted to make some wise joke but I knew better. Nikki was going through a hard time and it would be cruel of me to make jokes. I nodded and we both talked for a while longer. Our conversation went from sad and depressing to lighthearted and nostalgic. We spoke of our good times and how much fun we had had. She even commented that she had far more good memories than bad, which was why it was so hard for her to believe that I had left her. That put a bit of a damper on my parade. Midnight arrived and I asked Nikki again if she really wanted me to stay. She technically still had a girlfriend and I was unsure if she wanted me there for the right reasons.

"Yeah, silly. Come on. I am getting tired." Nikki smiled in a way I hadn't seen her do in years. She looked truly happy although I had no idea why. We had only talked about idle things. Her dad and brother, my parents, our careers, our past. Nothing of real importance but in the end I guess they were the only subjects that really mattered. We didn't need to talk about Roxy or Angie or any of the bad things that had happened. The time for those conversations would come soon enough. That night we were happy to just talk with each other like we had when we were younger.

I pulled Nikki tightly into my arms and hugged her. "I have missed you a lot, cara. Goodnight." I knew the house well enough to know that there were two guest bedrooms. I started to head that way but Nikki grabbed my hand before I could go.

"Stay with me." she repeated. For one fleeting moment I mistook her intention and got a little too happy. When I remembered her 'not for sex' comment I floated back down to earth and followed her to her room. We tossed me a pair of boxer shorts and told me to change. She wanted me to change into only a pair boxers in front of her? I was astounded.

"Grow up, Natalia." she chided. She reminded me of my mother, sometimes. She always had. She was so caring yet so bossy sometimes. "I appreciate how noble you are being but we have seen all there is to see with each other and if I remember correctly you like sleeping topless. I remember liking you sleeping topless too."

"Cara, if I didn't know better I would say you are trying to seduce me." I laughed. I always called her 'cara' meaning beloved in my native Italian tongue. Nikki was familiar with the Italian language. She even learned enough to speak it with my grandparents. One of the many reasons why I loved her so much.

I got a deep throated laugh from my cara that made my insides melt. She seemed so happy in such brief, fleeting moments. 

"I wouldn't have to seduce you." she said in a husky and very sexy voice. She looked at me that certain way (You know the way that makes you know she is thinking dirty things) and I found myself struggling for air. She laughed again and brushed my reaction aside.

"You have become cruel Nikki." I growled as I changed. I decided to leave my bra on to keep temptation at bay, mostly for my sake.

"Oh" she giggled. "What a bummer. I was hoping to see some of the goods." She idly pointed at my chest.

"Don't forget that I know exactly how to get your motor going too, Ms. Martinez." even as I joked I remember happier times. There had been a time when I had called her by my last name. It was small things like that that made me wish for the old days. I continued to smile though and I trotted off to her closet while she made herself comfortable in the bed. I found an old long sleeve tee shirt hanging in the back of the closet that appeared that it was about five sizes too big for Nikki. I slipped on the shirt, with my bra on, and I pulled the boxers off. I only buttoned the shirt half way, exposing most of the front of my bra but my panties remained covered. If she wanted to play hardball then I could too. I fluttered out of the closet and I showed off my new attire. My poor Nikki's jaw almost hit the ground.

"What's wrong, cara? I thought you would like it. You wanted to . . . How did you put it? Oh yeah. 'See the goods.' Right?" I laughed and got into the bed next to her.

"What were you thinking about?" She asked after we both got comfortable in the bed. "Right before you went into the closet, I saw a sad look on your face. What were you thinking of?"

She knew me too well. It was almost unfair. I could never have a private thought or emotion with Nikki around. I loved it. But the memories still hurt. "I called you Ms. Martinez." I murmured. "There was a time when I called you by a different name."

"Don't get all sentimental now. I remember that we were about ten minutes away from getting drunken tattoos that one night." Nikki giggled a bit but I could sense the pain in her voice. "Do you remember what I was going to get?"

"Of course I do." I laughed. Part of me wished she had actually gotten it. "You were going to get my last name on your hip."

"Yes, I was." Nikki whispered into the dark. I could tell that she was thinking of our past. 

"Sometimes I wish you would've." I told her as I turned onto my side to face her. The soft moonlight entering the room through the window lit up her face in the most sensual way I had ever seen. "I kind of used to wish that you were marked with my name for everyone to see."

I got another laugh from my gorgeous ex. Just looking at her took my breath away just like it always had. Unperturbed she continued talking, "You know, no one would be able to see it unless they got really close."

"I know." I told her gently. "But that's kind of what I wanted. I wanted every woman who got that close to you to know that you belonged to me." I couldn't believe that I had just told her that. Thankfully she didn't say anything about it.

"What about you? You never got my name on you. That wouldn't have been exactly fair." she was trying to make a joke but she was wrong. Oh so wrong.

I hopped up from the bed and turned the light on. Nikki looked at me quizzically when I walked around the bed and I stood in front of her. She really looked confused when I hooked my fingers in the waistband of my panties and I wiggled them down a bit.

"Relax cara." I laughed. I pulled one edge of my panties down and I showed her the tattoo that had lived there for the last three years. "I got this the night before our last fight. It was a surprise for you but I never got to show you. I could never bring myself to get it covered up. Not even when I got married."

I flinched a bit when Nikki reached out to touch the tattoo. Her finger traced the cursive letters. The words Mrs. Martinez were permanently marked on my right hip inside a heart. 

"I can't believe you never told me." she whispered as her finger lingered a bit longer than necessary. 

"Everyone I have been with since I left has known that my heart belongs to you." I grasped her hand and kissed it before I hopped back into the bed. There was an odd silence for a few moments before she spoke. 

"You left me." She muttered. As if I hadn't remembered. It was my greatest regret by far. "It isn't fair for you to come and show that and pretend like nothing happened. You broke my heart."

"I know." was the only intelligible reply I could come up with.

"What did you do after you left? ... Besides get married." she asked. I saw her wipe at her face and I imagine she was wiping at her tears. 

"I ran, for a long time. I actually drove straight to New York as soon as I left here. Then I hopped on a plane and went to Italy. I worked for a bit there. Americans always fuck up and need an America attorney so that was easy enough. Then I found Robby. He was vacationing in Italy and I helped him out of some trouble. I came back to the states after that and we were only married for a few weeks before I got Daddy to annul it. I went back to Italy after that up until a few days ago. Then I came back. Not a lot to tell really."

"What made you finally come back?" I knew that had been where she had been going with her line of questioning all long. 

"I was with a girl." I said reluctantly. I didn't want to go into detail but I knew I had to. "An Italian girl. She was gorgeous kind of like you but not quite as beautiful. Long black hair, bluish green eyes, again kind of like you but not quite. We were kind of dating, or at least she thought so. I had taken her back to my place and we... you know. Then after when we were lying in bed she asked me who you were. I guess I had called her by your name while she was ummm... well you know. I told her that you were the love of my life, I didn't hesitate or even pause. She got all angry and stormed off but I was left with an empty feeling like I have had every time I have slept with someone other than you. This girl was the last straw. I had to see you again and see if I had been wrong. To see if Roxy had been wrong. I came back for you... and for me. I had to know."

"We had always wanted to go to Italy together." She told me in a hushed voice. It was almost like she had ignored my whole story but I knew better, she just didn't have anything to say about it. I always loved that about her, she never spoke for the hell of it.

"That's why I went. I bought a little house in Sorrento like we always talked about. Right in front of the beach and only about an hour away from Naples. You would love it, cara. It has four bedrooms, two bathrooms a three car garage and it's beautiful." I raved on about the house because sharing it with Nikki had always been my life's dream. I had known her for almost seven years and that had been all we had ever wanted to do. Move to Italy and make love forever. I had done a great job of fucking that up. I would be lucky if she talked to me when the whole fiasco was over, let alone move to Italy with me. I wasn't even going to think about the making love part.

"You seemed to have had all this planned out very well, Tia." She said with a happier smile. "You were going to come back here with promises of sex on an Italian beach to lure me away from the world." I couldn't help but laugh; she was thinking the same thing that I had been. Sex. But then her smile faded and she continued. "You didn't count on Angie did you?"

"Honestly? Not for a second. I never crossed my mind that you might have moved on. I guess I was so arrogant that I thought you would still be waiting for me the way that I was waiting for you." 

It hurt me to even say it but it was true. She had moved on. It didn't matter that I was in her bed or that we were talking of our past. She still had a girlfriend and come morning she would still have a girlfriend. It hurt to think about it. But it was my fault for not being prepared. Who the fuck did I think I was? Nikki was gorgeous, smart, funny, talented, and successful. Who wouldn't fall in love with her? It was my fault for pretending that she could never have feelings for anyone else.

"I had to move on. I was convinced that you never loved me. In reality it saved me a lot of heartache. It is easy to accept being left by someone who didn't care but to think that someone who loved you could possibly leave you is just..." she didn't have a word to finish her sentence and I understood. I hated myself for doing it and I was surprised she didn't hate me too. I asked her why she didn't. "I could never hate you. I loved you so much. You were everything to me and even though you left those feelings didn't just disappear with you. They are still there somewhat."

"So I might have a chance?" I asked with far too much hope. 

"We'll see." she replied as she cuddled against my flat stomach. I could've jumped for joy but instead tears of happiness streamed down my face. Maybe I did have a chance. And if that was true then nothing would stand in my way. Nothing and no one. I had to get her back. I just had to.

I woke up the next morning lying on my side with Nikki's back pressed firmly against my chest. My hand had made its way into her shirt and I had a hand snuggly placed on one of her breasts. Fearing her reaction, I snatched my hand out but my sudden movement woke her up. Her shirt was resting above her breasts as she stared at me. I had done that.

"Shit!" I cursed quietly. "Look, cara, I didn't mean to do that. I wasn't trying to..."

"Calm down, Tia." She giggled as she pulled her shirt back down over her perfect tits. "You did it late last night. We were snuggling and I think you were dreaming. You mumbled something about how much you love me then you put your hand in my shirt like you used to. I saw that you were sleeping. I didn't get mad. I just left you alone."

"You let me grope you all night long?" I raised an eyebrow and waited for an answer. When we had been together, I slept with my hand on her breasts every night. She would cuddle her back against my chest and I would wrap my arm around her fabulous tits. But there had to be a reason why she let me do it now without trying to stop me.

"I was going to stop you... but it felt good to pretend that things never happened for a little while, you know? I just imagined what would've happened if you had never left." She shrugged away a hint of a frown and then smiled. "Some things just don't change, huh? You still like playing with a girl's nipples while you sleep. I bet your Italian girlfriends love that."




Facing My Demons Ch. 01



"None of the women I was with ever had the luxury of sleeping a full night in my bed." I sighed and got out of the bed. "Part of me thought it would be like cheating on you. Letting someone else that close to me, you know? I just couldn't do it." I walked off to the bathroom and I left Nikki sitting in the bed all alone.

***

Tia swayed her hips back and forth unknowingly as she went off to the bathroom. In three years she had never let a woman sleep in her bed? It seemed ludicrous but I knew it was true. Tia never lied. Why I let her play with my breasts while she slept I will never know. Sure it was good to reminisce about the old days but letting her feel me up was taking things a bit far. But it felt good and ultimately that might have been the deciding factor. It felt good to have Tia touch me like she used to. Maybe I was still in love with her but what did that mean for me? Tia was obviously ready to start a relationship again but was I? Could I leave Angie? Would I? I didn't know.

***

I emerged from the bathroom and Nikki was right where I had left her. Smack dab in the middle of the bed. She looked more troubled than when I had left her. I was going to say something but she beat me to the punch. 

"I lied to Angie." she blurted out. I laughed but she was serious so I let her continue. "I made it seem like you and I had nothing. I shrugged it off and pretended like I had never cared but it was all a lie. I never loved anyone like I loved you." She looked relieved when she finished talking. Almost like a weight had been lifted off of her, I guess in a way she had, but tears still escaped her eyes.

I laughed again, if only to hide the pain in my heart. 

"It's alright cara. It's easier to pretend we had nothing instead of thinking about how much I hurt you. How I deserted you. How I broke your heart."

I couldn't control my sadness anymore I grabbed my pants and headed for the door. I don't know how I put my jeans, shirt and heels on while I went down the stairs though I did. But I stopped mid stair and turned around. I couldn't leave her. Not again. I looked back towards her room and I saw Nikki was silently standing in the doorway of her bedroom. She was going to chase me, wasn't she? Yes I think she was. She wasn't going to let me leave. I sighed to myself. Maybe she did still love me.

"I'm sorry." I mouthed to her, without the courage to speak any louder. She had to hate me for what I had done to her. I hated me. I was surprised when she apologized too. 

"I shouldn't have told you like that. It was wrong on my part." She reached out her hand and pulled me back into the room. We stood silently for a moment and I was at a loss for words. She walked into the room but I just stood at the door waiting. What did she want from me? 

"I should go. I'm sure you have things to do..." I wanted to leave to end the awkward silence but Nikki cut me off.

"Don't leave. I don't have anything to do. I have no intention of talking with Roxy for now and... and I don't have anything else to do." She recovered mid-sentence smoothly but I noticed that she was going to add something else to that sentence. Something about Angela. 

"Could you leave her?" I asked firmly. We both knew who I was talking about.

"I wasn't sure I wanted to." She answered flatly. 'Wasn't'? Meaning she was sure now?

"What about now?" 

"I just know that I don't want you to leave me... again." The last part of the sentence killed me. She didn't want me to leave her AGAIN.

"Can you ever forgive me for that?" That was probably the most important thing I had asked since I first saw her in that grocery store. I had to know if we would ever be able to move on from that. I knew she would never forget the pain I put her through but I needed to know if she would ever be able to see me as more than just the woman that broke her heart. I wanted to know if she could ever see me as the love of her life again. I had to know.

"I already did." The grin on Nikki's face warmed me right down to my soul. "I'm not mad at you, baby, and I realized last night that it doesn't hurt anymore either... not as long as you are here. I have just really missed you."

I couldn't stop myself from wrapping my arms around her and picking up off the ground. She had said exactly what I had been praying for. All she had to do was say she still loved me. 

"Oh god Nikki. I am so sorry. I have missed you so much. I love you more than anything in the world."

"I love you too, baby." She giggled as I spun her around. I didn't know what would happen with anything else or anyone else for that fact but it didn't matter. I had her. I was tempted to throw her on the bed and rip her clothes off but something stopped me. She still had a girlfriend. I set her back down on the ground but I couldn't hide the smile on my face. It didn't matter that she was still with Angela. She loved me and that was enough for me. How could it not be? It was more than I could've hoped for. I was a bit shocked at what she said next.

"I am going to go talk with Angie but I need you to do me a favor?" She wasn't smiling as much as she had been so I got a bit nervous. "I want you to go and see Roxy." 

My jaw dropped. She wanted ME to go see Roxy. My baby had to be on something. 

"O-okay." I stuttered. If I had to talk to Roxy to get back with Nikki then so be it. "I'll call you when I'm done." 

I kissed her cheek softly and I grabbed my purse and ran to my car. I raced over to Roxy's bar. Somehow I knew Roxy would be in the bar even though it was only 11 o'clock in the morning. Hell, if I was her I would be at a bar too.

The bar was brightly light and it felt oddly depressing. Bars are a lot less fun during the day. I walked up to the bar and I saw Roxy sitting on the ground behind it. She had an empty bottle of tequila next to her with another half empty one next to it. I sighed and leaned over to pick up the bottles before helping Roxy up to her feet. She was half conscious. But she was conscious enough to laugh at me. 

"I can't believe YOU... are here... and to the... helping me." she said, barely making sense in her drunken state. I find talking to drunk people highly annoying but factoring in that it was Roxy made it 100 times worse. I could barely carry her due to the fact that I probably had a cracked rib or two, FROM HER. But I managed to throw her ass into one of the booths. I was disgusted by her lack of self control. Sure, Nikki was mad at her but we all knew that they would get over it. They had been best friends for almost 11 years. I stood back and looked at Roxy who was hunched over in the booth. For a moment I felt bad for her. Nikki wouldn't talk to her and I knew that couldn't be easy for her to handle. I groaned when I realized that I would have to be the bigger person in the situation.

"Come on. I am taking you home." I picked her up from the booth and carried her to my car. "If you puke in my car I swear to god I will throw you off the nearest overpass." I warned as placed her drunk ass in the passenger's seat. I liked my car a lot more than I liked her and I wasn't going to pretend otherwise. 

"I'm not... puke." she said, in a slightly firmer voice than she had inside the bar. "I am not that... wasted. Trust me, I've... been worse."

"Whatever. I just need to get you home." I drove, at a normal speed, towards Roxy's house. 

"How do you know... where I live?" She asked as she closed her eyes and rested back against the seat.

"Don't forget who I am, Roxanna Ortiz." That caused her to sit right up in the seat and look at me, with a stupid drunken face. "When Nikki and I were together she spent a lot of time with you. Don't you think I would know who you were since you spent so much time with my girlfriend?" 

She nodded but kept looking at me. 

"Is she very mad at me?" She asked. She looked like she was going to cry. Oh god, I thought to myself. Drunk and crying. Perfect!

"I don't think she is too mad. She is mostly hurt but it's going to be okay." I pulled into her driveway and we both got out. I was shocked when she was able to stumble towards the door on her own. I kept talking behind her. 

"I was actually sent here to tell you that she and I are going to try to work everything out..." out of nowhere Roxy threw a half-assed punch my direction. I easily dodged it. 

"What the fuck?" I barked at her. 

She just tried to punch me again. That time it got damn close. Then that cunt tackled me onto the ground. I grabbed her and tossed her back. 

"This is an Armani jacket you fucking bitch. It cost 5 hundred fucking dollars." I pulled off my black leather jacket and tossed it on the ground near my car. Roxy ignored her inebriated status and she ran towards me again. We both crashed back into the wet grass and a brawl ensued. At first I tried not to hurt her, because she was drunk out of her fucking mind, but then I matched her blow for blow. When she finally passed out, from her blood alcohol level not because of me, I carried her into her house. The door was open. I carried her up to her room and plopped her ass into her bed. I had a brief though about dropping her into a tub full of water and letting her drown but I ignored them. Instead I took her heels, jeans and shirt off. 

"This is what Nikki would want." I kept mumbling to myself, ignoring the blood that pouring into my mouth from the busted lip that Roxy had given me. Even drunk off her ass she was still a half decent fighter. I wrote Roxy a note and left it by her bed. The read:

I should've left your ass on the front yard. 12 hours of sun would've done you some good. I am getting back together with Nikki and you won't stop me, EVEN IF YOU TRY. I love her and she loves me too. I know why you're angry with me but trust me; I won't ever hurt her again. I know this all must be difficult for you; it's hard for us all. I will try to get Nikki to talk to you. I know she loves you and I'm sure she will forgive you. I'm sorry you are hurting so much. I really am. But everything will be alright. It's all going to work out. I promise. --Natalia 

That's more than she deserved. Now I was almost positive that one of my ribs was broken. My jacket was all scratched up. I had a busted lip and I had chipped a nail. I did a lot more than she deserved. A hell of a lot more. But I did it and then I left, making sure to lock the door behind me. I grabbed my jacket and drove back to Nikki's house. How was I going to explain this to Nikki? 'Oh, hey Nikki. I went to see Roxy and everything went great... right after we got into a fist fight in her front yard.' I doubted she would understand. I prayed she wouldn't be angry at me. My mind raced as I drove back. I stood at the door for a few minutes longer than necessary before I walked in. Nikki came running towards me and she jumped into my arms. 

"What took you so long? I have been..." She stopped talking when I winced the she slid out of my arms. "Oh god, baby, what happened?"

"Relax, cara. Roxy had had a lot to drink and she took the news a little rough. I took her home and then we got into a bit of a tiff but she passed out and I left her in her bed. She'll be okay. She just misses you." I kissed Nikki on the cheek and I fell into the couch. She ran into the kitchen and returned with a few ice cubes in a cup and a warm wet rag. She handed me an ice cube and waited for me to put it to my lip. I refused, it hurt like hell.

"Do it. It will make you feel better. Now where else did she hurt you?" she asked with a firm but loving look. I was going to tell her but I had the ice on my mouth. So I lifted my shirt and pointed to the new bruises on my darkly tanned skin. Nikki used the warm rag and wiped at the scratches that were surrounded by the bruises but then she rubbed another ice cube along my bluish purple marks.

"So did your meeting go better than mine?" I mumbled with the ice still in my mouth.

"It went fine. Angie is... She deserves better, a lot better, but I think we both knew what was going to happen." Nikki shook her head slightly in a way that told me that her talk hadn't been much easier than mine, although in a totally different way. It killed me to see her hurting so much. 

"Forget about all this." I tossed my ice cube across the room and I pulled Nikki into my arms. "Let's talk about other things. Maybe like your dad." She had avoided telling me that her father was dying of lung cancer. "My dad and your dad are still friends. When your dad got sick Daddy called me. I flew in and talked to him. I made him promise to keep it a secret. Not even my dad knew I was in town."

"Why am I not surprised? He always had a soft spot for you. I guess that's why he suddenly brought you up in a conversation a few months ago. He said you were going to come back for his funeral no matter what I or Roxy had to say about it." She had made it out to be a joke but neither of us wanted to laugh at the thought of her father's funeral. He was like my second dad.

"He said Roxy would have to learn to deal with me one way or another. I guess he knew I would come back for you." This at least got a smile so I was pleased.

"How about we talk about what happens next? What are we going to do, Natalia? What happens to us?" She asked as tears formed in her eyes. I hugged her tighter to me and her chest squished against mine. 

"What happens next is what we always planned on. We live happily ever after. I get a job at Daddy's law firm, he'll make me a partner whether the other attorneys like it or not. I buy a house nearby so I can spend every waking hour near you, and the non-waking hours as well. In a year or two when we get settled you quit working then we have a couple of gorgeous kids and then eventually retire at an early age and move to Italy. Happily ever after." I laughed at the thought of how perfect sounded. Forever with Nikki was all I needed. Everything else was a bonus. 

"Fuck that house shit." She said roughly but with a smile on her face. "You will be lucky if I ever let you out of my bed, let alone the house." 

Nikki didn't laugh. It was less of a joke and more of an invitation. I kissed her. For the first time in three years I actually kissed her lips. It was better than every memory I had. Her plump lips pressed against mine and in no time I had my tongue in her mouth. She tasted sweet. My hands traveled along her sides under her thin tank top. Her perfectly toned legs under her white skirt rubbed against my jean clad legs. I moaned into her mouth and I picked her up off the couch. Bad ribs and all. I forgot about all the pain in my body and I focused on Nikki. I ignored the aching bones and throbbing muscles and I thought only of having Nikki in my bed at last, in our bed. I took her upstairs and she giggled when I dropped her on the bed. I took off my leather jacket and she laughed again. I pulled my shirt off next, tearing at it in the process.

"Someone is anxious." She chuckled. The light in her eyes sent a shiver in me that settled between my legs. The shining blue of her eyes had haunted me for three years and now it was calling to me.

"Cara, I love you so much. I have dreamed of this for so long. I've wanted for so long to feel your skin against me, to taste you, to love all you. I've thought of nothing but this for three years. I've missed you so much." I told her with tears in my eyes as I struggled with button on my jeans. 

She smiled and got up from the bed. "I want this to be special for you. I have spent three years trying not to think about you but it must have been even tougher on you." 

She grabbed me and pushed me back into the bed. I lay on my back and I watched as she stripped seductively. Her tank top was the first thing to come off. She tossed it to the side and made a show of taking off her bra. She traced along the tops of her succulent breasts before taking it off. I couldn't control myself any longer. I leapt from the bed and wrapped my arms around her waist. I immediately had one of her perfect nipples in my mouth. Nikki moaned a bit but forced me back down. I groaned but obeyed. 

"That's enough, Natalia." She mused. 

I rolled my eyes but they got wide when her hands unbuttoned my pants and slid them down. I loved it when she called me Natalia. I was only in my panties and bra. She crawled over me in the bed but she didn't let me touch her. She wanted to take it slow. Relax Tia, I thought to myself, let her have it her way. I placed my hands on her hips while we kissed. Her tongue fluttered about in my mouth and I couldn't help but suck on it. She laughed, with her tongue in my mouth, then sat back on me hips. She looked at me and smiled. I almost cried at that moment. I was so full of love it just busted from me. I might've cried but I honestly don't remember. What I do remember is how she rubbed her ass on my leg. I could feel that she had lace panties under her skirt. Had she been planning to show them to me since she changed that morning? Maybe. My hands traveled lower to her ass and I pulled her tighter against me. 

"So I'm guessing you aren't going to go down quietly?" She giggled as she pinned my hands above my head. I joined in on her laughing.

"Come on cara, you know me better than that. I couldn't give up so easily." I told her but I decided to let her have her way with me without fighting because she and I were truly evenly matched. Same height, same weight, same strength. We were perfect mirror images of each other, except for eye color. We were one soul. One heart. One love.

"Good." She said as she threw her head back and laughed. The corners of her lips curved upwards and she flashed me a breathtaking smile. "It's so much more fun this way." 

This caused me to laugh as well but she silenced me with her mouth on my throat. She kept a firm grip on my hands and she kept my body down with hers as her teeth grazed the flesh of my throat. She still knew what drove me crazy and it was amazing. I felt the dampness between my legs multiply. She kept biting, licking and sucking on my tender flesh until I begged her to continue. She gave me an evil grin and a wink. I rolled my eyes again at her. 

"I want a promise from you, Natalia De Luca." she said firmly, causing me to laugh once again. I loved being with her. It was so easy. So natural. "I am going to let go of your hands but if you move I am going to stop. Do you understand?" 

I nodded slightly and Nikki slowly let me go. I kept my hands above my head and I watched as she unclasped my bra, in the front, and let it fall back. She looked down at my body for a second and I felt my nipples grow hard just from her intense gaze. She raked her nails along my ribs before hopping off of the bed. 

"Don't move or I swear to god you are finishing by yourself tonight." I laughed as she raced off. It was almost like I had never left. She was already threatening to withhold sex. I loved the humor in it all but I still didn't move. I was slightly surprised when Nikki returned with a cocktail shaker. I could hear ice in it. My girl was a sneaky devil.

"Thank you for listening." she beamed. 

She leaned down and rewarded me with a few kissed along my ribs. It tickled slightly and I felt goose bumps cover my skin. She placed the shaker on the counter and took an ice cube from it. After straddling my hips, and removing my panties, she ran the cube along my lips. The ice started to melt slowly and Nikki licked the cold drops from my lips. The ice then went down my neck and it spent a surprising long time around my collar, followed by her hot tongue. The change of temperature was driving me crazy. She lifted her head from my neck and looked at me. She was making this special for me but driving me to the brink of insanity. It was marvelous. The ice soon melted before she could go any lower and she had to replace it. The second ice cube was wasted on my right shoulder and the third on my left. The fourth melted somewhere between my breasts and it wasn't until the fifth that she started to draw circles around my nipples, never actually touching them until I was begging. She winked then ran the ice over my nipple before closing her mouth around my sensitive flesh. I think I cried out but I don't remember anything but the feel of her hot mouth on my skin. As she sucked one of my rock hard nipples she ran the ice cube over the other, switching between them regularly. She wasted two more pieces of ice doing this and soon enough the shaker was empty and I thanked god.




Facing My Demons Ch. 01



"Should I go get more?" She asked with a goofy grin. I knew she had just been teasing me. I grabbed her and flipped her over in the bed. She giggled but didn't stop me. She had had her fun but it was my turn. I kissed her roughly but it was soon returned in a soft and passionate way that made me relax more than anything else could've. I kissed my way down her chest and I rested on one of her perfect breasts and I took it into my mouth. I didn't keep my ministrations to only her nipples though. My mouth was on every piece of flesh I could get and then it was her who was begging me to continue. I did, not as much because of her demands but because I was dying to have all of her. I used my teeth to nip at her sides while my hands were busy taking her skirt off. She raised her hips and took off her skirt and panties in one swift move. I was shocked. I had to stop everything and stop when I saw that she did have a tattoo of my name on her hip. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked back up at her. 

"I didn't want to forget." She whispered. I must have looked as confused as I felt because she continued. "After you left I didn't want to ever forget how much I loved you, no matter what anyone else said. Everyone has known about you just like you wanted." 

Tears fell from my eyes as I pressed my mouth to her tattoo. I flicked my tongue across it before journeying between her fabulous thighs. I was in heaven. I wrapped my arms under her thighs and I pulled her down lower to my mouth eliciting a sharp squeak from Nikki. I used my fingers to part her succulent folds as my tongue delved deep into her. There was no longer any teasing. I knew what she wanted and I was going to give it to her. I lived only to please her and I wanted to prove it. I licked at the juices flowing into my mouth before moving up slightly to her clit. When I took it in my mouth, she jumped. But I kept on it and she was quickly bucking and thrusting towards my mouth. Then she did something that freaked the hell out of me. She pushed my head away. I looked up with her juices covering my face and I for her to say something. 

"Come here, baby, I want us to come together."

I moved over her so that I was straddling her face and we were soon ensued in a 69. When her mouth first touched my burning sex I thought I would come on the spot but Nikki knew what to do. She bit hard onto my ass cheek. I yelped and it cut off any climax that would've been had at that moment. She laughed but then returned her mouth to my pussy. The harder she ate me the harder I returned the favor and not ten minutes later we came at the same instant. As I felt my climax take a hold of me I felt her body clench around my tongue. As her burning fluids coated my tongue I felt mine do the same to her. My pleasure was hers and her pleasure was mine. Her orgasm flowed out of me and into her and vice versa. We were together in every sense of the word.

We lay in the same position without moving for a while, longer than either of us realized. We just kissed and licked at each other, sending the occasional after wave of climax through the other. It was truly bliss. When I finally got into position next to her, she leaned onto my chest and cuddled against my ribs that were now throbbing about from the prolonged strain. I ignored it the pain. I hugged her tightly and thanked her. 

"When have you ever thanked me for sex?" She laughed as she kissed my side. 

"Thank you for forgiving me. I love you so much." I kissed her head and ran my fingers through her hair. 

"I love you more." She answered giggling as she made circles around my bruises with her fingers. It was excruciating but I let her continue. She was getting some sort of pleasure from it. At that moment I was deep in though when she spoke again. "You okay?" 

"Will you marry me?" I asked before I even knew what I was doing. 

"Hold on... you aren't asking me... you seriously... You want me to marry you?" I smiled and she went from confused to shocked in a nanosecond. "Tia, you are out of your mind. We just got back together today and besides it's not even legal in this state." 

"Don't worry about any of that nonsense. I love you, Nicole Martinez. I want to wake up next to you every morning and I want the feel your love every step for the rest of eternity. Will you marry me, my love?" 

Tears rolled down her cheeks now and she just looked at me. At that moment I felt fear. Fear that she would say no. Fear that she would regret taking me back. Fear that she would stop loving me for scaring her off. I was scared it was all over... again.



Facing My Demons Ch. 02



Please read my previous stories, it will help you to understand the characters. Please leave feedback and vote. Thanks for all the support.

xoxo- JuicyJ19.

***

Panic gripped me. I was terrified deep in the pits of my very soul. Every fiber of my being trembled at the thought of Nikki denying my proposal. Would she say no? Could I blame her if she did? Asking for forgiveness had been a lot but asking for her to marry after one day was insanity. Had I lost my mind? In reality, maybe a bit. I had been so deliriously happy with her in my arms that I got ahead of myself. Well no, not ahead of myself. Ahead of her. I was ready. It was her I was unsure of. I would've married her that instant but my Nikki was too analytical for anything like that. She was too calculating, too reasonable. But I couldn't be mad at that. It was one of the many things I loved about her. Her level head always counteracted my spontaneity. It was for the best that she was organized and deliberate. It was okay. I would suck it up. I would get over it if she didn't accept. I would just ask again... eventually.

"Tia, I..." she started to speak, her voice trembling, but she paused before starting over. "Baby, what's going through your head right now?" 

I knew she wasn't asking about the proposal. She was asking what I was thinking after. After, when we sat silently for minutes, maybe even hours. Neither of us had spoken. Neither of us had had the words. The look on my baby's face tore at my heart. She looked frightened in some way. I didn't know what to say to that so I kept my mouth shut. I thought about how I would answer her question. What would I say after proposing? It was tough but I eventually thought of something

"Please don't run out on me. I can pretend I never said it if you want me to. I'm sorry. I just..." I stood from the bed and I paced around for a minute, trying to clear my head. I was in such a trance that I just dropped to the floor on the other side of the room. I looked back at Nikki in terror. I couldn't lose her again. My breaths came out in short gasps and I felt as though my lungs had been ripped out of my chest. I hadn't had a panic attack like that since I was a kid. My hands trembled and it was like everything was going in slow motion. I heard myself saying something about being sorry to Nikki but it was like it wasn't me who was speaking. She rushed over to me. Nikki grabbed my face in her hands and forced me to look at her.

"Tia." she barked, snapping me back to reality. She was acting angry but I knew better, she was nervous. "What the fuck is wrong with you? You picked a really bad time to tell me that you have lost your fucking mind. I can deal with marriage proposals but I can't deal with a girlfriend who has gone bat-shit crazy." 

I laughed. I actually laughed but that only made way for the tears to come. Nikki's fake glare of anger gave way instantly and she looked concerned. Maybe she did think I was crazy. Maybe I was. "Baby, you are scaring me. I need you to talk to me." She told me with my face still in her hands.

I sighed and rested my back against the wall. My I was sitting on the ground, completely naked. I must have really looked like a mess. Naked, bruised and crying. I'm surprised she didn't have me committed that instant. I would've committed myself I had been a bit more rational. I controlled my breaths and closed my eyes until I could think clearly again. It might have only been a few moments but it may have been 40 minutes. I don't know. Nikki stood patiently in front of me. Waiting. My hands still shook but there was nothing I could do about this.

"I'm sorry." I whispered at long last. I hadn't meant to whisper but it was all I could force my voice to do. "I didn't mean to do this. It's not like I was angry or anything. I just freaked for a minute. I don't want to lose you again." I couldn't tell her that I COULDN'T lose her again. I couldn't tell her that my heart couldn't take it. I couldn't force her into a relationship like that, out of pity and fear. I needed her to want me and acting like some sort of mental patient wasn't going to help. I smiled and stood up again. "Forgive me. I should go home and give you some time alone..." 

"Don't leave me, damn it." she cried as I reached the bedroom door. She ran to me and clung to my shoulders. It hurt my bruised at battered body, that was getting more sore by the hour but I hugged her and kissed on supple skin of her shoulder as she came to me. 

"It's okay. I'm never going to leave you like that again but you might want some time alone to deal with all of this. You have no Roxy, no Angela, I just came back, we had sex, I asked you to marry me then I went all spastic on you. You should have time to think." I let her go but she still hung on me.

"There isn't anything I can't figure out with you here." she said weakly.

I kissed her again and made my way back to the bed with her still in my arms. Neither of us remembered my wounded hand until I reached out for the blanket and flinched from the immediate pain. The swelling of my hand hadn't gone down much and it still hurt something fierce,

"Let me get you something for that." 

I nodded and sat in the bed and Nikki ran out of the room. She returned a few moments later with a towel, ice and some bandaging tape. 

"Give me your hand." 

I obeyed and she took my hand gingerly in hers. With her free hand she placed the baggy of ice in the small towel then wrapped it to my hand using the tape. 

"my brother is going to come by later to check you out. I want him to make sure you're alright." 

Nikki's older brother was one of the finest doctors in town, if not the state.

I nodded ay assent and I rested back into the bed. My ribs ached, my busted lip was sore, my hand throbbed and my head was pounding. I tried to relax as I thought of what had actually happened. Nikki climbed into bed with me.

"I can't believe you actually love me." I said in bewilderment. She laughed and then kissed me softly. 

"You are the love of my life, Tia, but we can't ruin things like we did last time. We can't ever get like that again." 

"I will make sure everything works out but right now I want to go to bed." I snuggled down with her in my arms. She stayed off of my bad ribs as we cuddled but soon enough we were contented with just being with one another. Nothing else mattered.

I woke up to a cold hand trailing across my exposed ribs. I opened my eyes and saw Nikki sitting on the edge of the bed next to me. Her smile light the room and I felt as though nothing could take away the happy feeling that I had in my life. 

"My brother is here. If you don't want him to see you naked then I suggest you put your clothes on." She giggled and kissed me before leaving me alone. I followed her instruction and got dressed before heading downstairs. It was almost midnight and Nikki's brother was sitting patiently on the sofa.

"It's good to see you again, Tia. So I heard you got into a disagreement with Roxy, again. Old habits die hard huh?" He laughed. It sounded a lot like Nikki's laugh only deeper, manlier.

"I haven't really arrived until Roxy and I go toe to toe. I had to get that out of the way." I giggled. 

He started to lift my shirt then he just asked me to remove it.

"You ribs are okay." He told me as he placed his hands firmly on them. I was regretting not having put a bra on. He wasn't looking at my breasts but I still didn't like being exposed. He continued talking without pausing. "It don't feel any major break but you might have a few cracked ribs. There really isn't anything you can do for ribs. Just try to avoid hurting them any further." 

He grabbed my hand next, after letting me put my shirt back on. He felt my hand and then shook his head. It wasn't good. "It's only a stress fracture and you won't need a cast. Take it easy for a few weeks and it'll be fine. If she can't keep sustaining any more damage to the hand, then I am going to come back and give her a full cast." Adrian smiled pulled some bandaging from his doctor bag. He wrapped my hand up and gave Nikki a quick lesson on how to do it for me. 

"It should heal on it's own and she shouldn't have any more trouble with it as long as she doesn't hit anything else too hard." He laughed again and kissed both Nikki and I on the cheek. He whispered something into her ear before leaving. I went to fix myself a drink. A strong drink. 

"Well that sucks." Nikki finally said as she joined me in the kitchen. Her hands wrapped around my torso. She kissed at my shoulder blade while I poured a second drink for her. "Not only is your hand all busted up but my brother has also just seen you half naked." She continued to kiss my back.

"He's a doctor and besides he's married. He wasn't looking at my tits." I said firmly. It was ridiculous to think that he would be looking at me like that. 

"He's a man. Married or not. He is going to look. Who wouldn't look at someone as gorgeous as you? Especially topless. Even covered in war wounds, you're still hot." She giggled and bit into my shoulder hard. Perfect, another bruise but at least it didn't hurt that much.

"Stop it. Bruises are far from attractive. Fractures are from attractive." I tried to use a stern voice but she knew better. I wasn't upset.

"Oh come on. Bruises are kind of sexy on a girl's body, makes them look tough, and even though I would prefer you without them, they don't take away from your beauty. Nothing could take away from that." Her words were kind and although I doubted their truth, it didn't make the gesture any less sweet. 

"So what did he whisper to you? Was he talking about how great my rack is?" I laughed and started on the dishes while she continued to lie against my back, occasionally kissing me there.

"It was about my dad. He isn't doing so well." Her arms around my waist tightened. It was her subconscious way of telling me she was scared of losing him. I was scared too. I loved her father very much. The thought of losing him was tough. He had been so understanding when I had gone to visit him when he had first gotten sick. It had been his words of love and compassion that started my debate on whether or not to see Nikki again. I owed that man a lot. From him I learned the true meaning of forgiveness. He was mad when he first saw me. I had been the one to break his little girl's heart, his only daughter. If I were a man I'm sure he would've hit me or threatened me with a shotgun or something but after a while of talking and explaining, he understood and he listened. He comforted me when I began crying in front of him. 

"I'm sorry." I said as a few tears fell from my eyes. I was glad Nikki couldn't see them. I finished up the dishes and then turned to face her, after wiping my tears. She kissed my lips softly before sliding her hands into the back of my shirt. 

"I'm sorry about my hand. I should've left Roxy's without hitting her. By the way, you should talk with her. I already told you that I promised her everything would be okay. I need to stick to my word. If you could find a way to forgive me then you can find a way to forgive her."

"Don't worry about me and Roxy. I called her while you were still sleeping. I told her we would talk soon and that she owed you an apology for hitting you and a thank you for convincing me to call her." Nikki's tone was sweet and caring. I smiled at my girl. She had don't the right thing all by herself. She continued. "So, how about we go upstairs and I give you a massage."

We gave each other a quick glance before Nikki took off running. I followed quickly behind. We chased each other through the living room and up the stairs to the bedroom. She grabbed me then forced me down on the bed. I thought she was going to tease me but I was surprised when she just crawled on top of me, after taking her clothes off. She sat on my lap while she kissed me passionately. Her tongue danced in my mouth like a gypsy. It moved around in a slow but mesmerizing way that left me begging for more even though I couldn't breathe. She laughed when I groaned after she released her hold on my mouth. Then she merely removed my shirt and continued our make out session. I kicked my shorts off with her tongue still in my mouth and I could feel her dripping sex again my own. We both leaned backwards until my back was firmly pressed against the mattress with Nikki lying on top of me. Her legs intertwined with my mine and we slowly got an even rhythm. We were in essence humping each other's legs but at that moment it was something more. Something magical. Our mirrored bodies were together in every sense of the word. Our tongued made leisurely paths from her mouth to mine as her pussy rubbed against my thigh, and vice versa, giving us both the pleasure we needed without being apart. Unlike the previous time, there was nothing hurried about it. We both climaxed numerous times before our love making turned into simple cuddling. Somewhere along that line Nikki fell asleep on me, her crotch still leaking her sweet fluids onto my leg. I was tempted to move her but I couldn't bring myself to disturb her just yet. 

I watched in wonder as she slept. Her facial features were relaxed and no emotion was visible. She was truly peaceful. Her mouth, although her succulent lips seemed to call me, moved not at all. I placed a chaste kiss upon her lips, if only to prove that it wasn't a dream. Her breath was slow and even as I felt her moved softly with each intake and release of her breath. Her head was placed ever so gently on my chest and her hair fell on both of my sides brushing against my ribs, that were still aching. I looked down her back and over to her cute ass. It was pale compared to the rest of her skin. I knew the reason she didn't tan naked, I always had a thing for tan lines on her ass. I liked to see that her butt was white against the dark caramel complexion of her legs and back that were graced with the tinting kiss of the sun. I smiled to myself as I rolled her to one side, without bothering her too much, my ribs were killing me. I could hear in my head what she would've said if she were awake. Something like; 'What? Am I too heavy for you? Are you trying to tell me that I'm fat?' I chuckled. Once upon a time things like that would've caused a fight between us but now I couldn't wait for the opportunity to hear her say those things. I would kiss her worries away and I hold her tighter against me and promise to never let go. Oh how I wanted this to be different. I turned my back to her to get off the bad side of my ribs to get some sleep. I dreamt, as always, only of her.

I woke up once more to a chilly hand making gently trails along my skin, this time it was on my shoulder. I could never wake up before her, NEVER.

"Good morning, my love." She said in a light and cheery tone.

It was music to my ears. How long I had waited to hear such words from her. Such words from the woman I loved. The one I loved above all others. It warmed my heart to hear such words escaping her lips. I leaned up and kissed her for no other reason than for the fact that I loved her and she had blessed me with her love in return.

"It is a good morning." I grinned before pulling her in for yet another soul searing kiss. No one could take my happiness from me. 

"Roxy is here to talk with you." she said. Well maybe someone could take my happiness. I knew what would happen if that bitch made me angry. I could break what was left of my hand, and casts are not attractive. I agreed to see her then I got dressed and went to the backyard to see her. She was sitting in one of the lounge chairs. Why was she in the yard at 10 in the morning? I had no idea, still don't. 

"My hand is broken so if you are here to fight, I can give you a rain-check." I said when I exited the house. 

Her back was to me. She turned sharply when she heard my voice, an old knee jerk reaction. In the morning sun she truly looked beautiful. Not as gorgeous as my Nikki, of course, but she was beautiful in a different way. Where Nikki's features were sharp and angular, stunning, Roxy's were soft, almost angelic. Her brown tresses circled her face in large soft ringlets. Her pale green eyes stared at me without contempt for the first time in almost seven years, the way she had in the beginning. Nikki loved her. They were best friends. Why couldn't she just accept that we were in love? Everything would be so much easier for us.

Her soft laugh was slightly forced, more because it was me who said it than it's actual comedic value. 

"I'm not here to fight. I woke up with a killer hangover and my entire body ached. I have bruises I don't remember getting and I wake up with this note next to my bed. I remember drinking in the bar. I remember fighting in my yard a bit then it all goes blank." Her voice was different than it usually was. Was it her voice? Maybe not. It might have just been the fact that she calculated her words for the first time, at least for the first time with me. She actually seemed worried about finding the right words.

"Let me give you a run down. I went to the bar to talk to you and you were about to finish your second bottle of tequila. I carried you out of the bar then I drove you home. When I told you Nikki had taken me back you tried to hit me. When that didn't work out you tackled me and ruined my favorite jacket..." I recounted in a calm and even humorous manner. Although I wasn't happy about my jacket.

"I vaguely remember you yelling something about Armani." 

We both laughed at the comment, though it wasn't funny. It was a good ice breaker but soon enough I saw sadness in her face. In the way she held her lips tightly together. In the furrowing of her brow and in the slight but sudden darkening of her eyes. It hurt me to see such a beautiful girl look so sad. There was something juvenile about her looks, like I said before. Maybe it was that that made me feel compassion for her, I do not know why. But I know my heart bled for her. 

"I'm so sorry." she said to me. The pain in her eyes was just as evident in her voice, maybe more so. "You don't deserve what I did to you and I certainly didn't deserve what you did for me. Forgive me." 

Her plea was one of a true child. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes and I sighed. Why me, I asked myself.

"Forget about it." My answer didn't please her. There was still desperation in her. In the stillness of her body I could see it. I could see it all over her. She was afraid. Of what, I didn't know. 

"Come here." I called her over to the lounge chair she had been sitting on and we both sat together. "Talk to me. What's bothering you so much?"

"I'm worried about what is going to happen to Nikki and me. I was the one that hurt her. I don't think she will ever look at me the same again. I don't know why I hurt her so bad." I could see tears well in her eyes but I wiped at them for her. She was like a family member to me, in some weird way. Like a cousin or aunt whom you don't really like but you care for anyways. I cared for Roxy somehow. Maybe because Nikki loved her so much. 

"You were young, kid. Nikki and I forget just how young you are sometimes. Things scare you that wouldn't worry us. You asked me to leave because you were worried about Nikki. You can lie to her but you can't lie to me. You asked me to leave because you were scared of her leaving you for me. I understood and I still do but I didn't leave because of that. Left because of how easy it was for you to come up with a reasonable argument. Your points were valid and I listened." She calmed a bit but she still looked worried. "I promised you that everything would be okay. You need to trust me." 

"I'm only two years younger." she said matter-of-factly, just like the child she was.





Facing My Demons Ch. 02



"But what a difference those two years make." I laughed and then smiled warmly at her. "Nikki is 25 and you have yet to celebrate your 23rd. Give it time, kid. Everything will work itself out. You were 19 when I let you run me out of town. It was my own mistake. My own error. You were in the end, just a jealous kid and I was a grown woman. We come from different worlds, you and I; things between us are just a bit strange."

"How can you not hate me?" she asked. She was more quizzical than emotional. Her body leaned forward as she waited for an answer.

"You are how old now? 22? You're just a kid. Frankly the reason I don't hate you is because I could never hate someone who Nikki loves so much. I was thankful for the way you protect her. While I was gone, I knew no one would hurt her with you here to keep an eye on her. Two years younger or not, you can still fight like an animal." I laughed and pulled her to her feet. We headed back towards the house when she turned to me and laughed.

"I really must be young because I think that you talk like an old person sometimes." she giggled again.

"I'm a lawyer, it happens. Now get your ass inside and make up with your best friend. Hug her and tell you love her and that you're sorry." I pulled Roxy back and I stopped her from going inside. I made her look into my bright green eyes as I spoke. "Even if you don't mean it, and you aren't sorry for asking me to leave apologize anyway. She will forgive you and everything will be okay. Don't stress so much, if you can't fix things then I will. She will come around. I give you my word."

"I am sorry. Truly sorry." 

She kissed my cheek and walked back inside. I was relieved that I would no longer have to fight with her. I'm not sure how much my body could take of it anyway. I followed Roxy but I stayed out of the way when I saw her talking to Nikki. It wasn't my place to get in the middle of that. I went back upstairs and got back in bed. My hand was throbbing, my ribs ached like all hell and on top of that, I felt a headache coming one. I stripped and crawled into bed. The nice, big, warm bed.

It was amazing how amazing the sheets felt against my abused flesh. I hurt all over. After a few moments Nikki reentered the bedroom. I could tell that she had cried. Her eyes were red and I could see where the tears had fallen down her face. 

"Mind if I get in there with you?" She asked. 

It wasn't what I expected her to say but I readily accepted. She removed her clothing then joined me. She cuddled her body against me. Her head on the crook of my arm. Her smooth leg tangled with my own. It was wonderful to feel her glorious legs against my own soft skin. She made light patterns with her fingers against my neck. 

"Did you forgive her?" I asked with a kiss to the top of her head. "She misses you, Nikki."

"I already had, only I hadn't wanted to see her. She seems to have learned her lesson. We'll be okay." she whispered against my side, sending shivers through me. "She said you were nice to her."

"I was... it was weird... I felt like her sister or something. I just wanted her to be okay. She reminds me of a little kid." I mumbled. I had already lost all real interest in talking about Roxy. 

"I'm glad you are being nice to her. It means a lot to me." She leaned down and kissed my side. 

Moments went by in silence but I knew Nikki was thinking about something. 

"Tia?" she said softly against me. "We haven't talked about your offer yet."

I knew what was coming. Make it or break it, I suppose. Everything would depend on how I handled the next conversation. I couldn't get angry when she turned me down, but I knew she would. She was far too smart to agree. I had only been back for a few days, we had only been together for like 36 hours, what kind of idiot would agree to marriage after everything I had done to her. She was being smart and I commended her for that. But it didn't take the sting out of it. Rejection hurts, no matter what.

"Alright." I sighed and sat up, so we could have a proper conversation. I could sense her apprehension. It filled the air in a thick fog, almost. I grabbed her hands in mine and pulled them to my chest. "I love you, Nikki. It doesn't matter if you don't want to. It was stupid and irrational of me to ask and although I don't regret it, I do understand why you don't want..." 

I thought I had a pretty good argument for my position but Nikki stopped me.

"Baby, it's not that I don't want to, it's just that it's a bit too soon." She started to cry and it broke my heart. I wanted to grab her and tell her everything was okay, but I let her try to finish. "I'm sorry, I just cant..." 

Her sob picked up and I did pull her into my arms. 

"It doesn't matter, cara. It was my mistake. I'm sorry for springing it on you like that. I won't do that to you again." I stroked her hair as I spoke. The smell of her vanilla shampoo flooded my senses. I was slightly taken aback when she pushed away from me.

"I do want you to ask again, just not now. Give me a couple years, 6 months at least. I just... Please don't be mad at me." she words came out between sobs and I forced her into my arms again. I couldn't bear the thought of her in pain.

"I'm not mad and the offer still stands. I would gladly marry you this minute if I could but this isn't about me. This is all about us. And if we aren't ready then I can wait until we are." 

I started kissing her neck and I became too enthralled in that to keep talking. I was too busy trying to comfort her to worry about trying to find the right words. I continued to kiss around her shoulder, neck, jaw and cheek until she calmed. My lips found their way to hers and I could help but kiss her. Our lips molded together and I felt her resignation. She still felt guilty. I knew it. I could tell by the way she kissed me. 

"It's okay, beautiful." I told her as I let her sit back. "Let's just lie down." 

And lie down we did.

After four weeks Nikki and I were better together. There were no fights, or arguments, just love. There was no topic we couldn't discuss and no problem we couldn't face...for a while. Our first real problem came 27 days after I had returned. It was late one Saturday night, probably well into Sunday morning, and both of us were sitting at Roxy's bar having a few drinks, well I wasn't drinking at the time since I was driving home. I noticed a woman staring at Nikki from across the room. She was tall-ish, about my height or so. She was in no way attractive and I'm not just saying that because she was checking out my girlfriend. She was overweight and had a short haircut that seemed more out of butch requirement than actual preference. Her attire did little to help her weight issues. She wore baggy jeans and a large t-shirt with a vulgar slogan about loving pussy. Needless to say this woman was a lesbian and definitely rough around the edges.. I ignored her, the way I knew Nikki wanted me to but then this bitch walked over to us.

"Hi there, beautiful." She said to Nikki in a manly voice. I would've laughed if I didn't find the situation so irritating. 

"Hi." Nikki replied curtly as she rested more into my shoulder, trying to keep me anchored in my chair.

"Do you plan on leaving with her or would you be willing to have some fun with a real woman?" She sat back on the stool next to Nikki. That was the last straw for me. I had put up with this bitch's shit for long enough, even though she had only been there for like a minute. She was beyond annoying.

"She likes women, that is why she's with me. If she wanted a man then she would go and find a real one." I laughed and hopped off my barstool to confront the woman but Nikki stood in front of me.

"Let's go home." Nikki told me as she pushed me backwards towards the door. I agreed.

"What's wrong, honey, afraid you'll like it?" The 'woman' said as she reached out and grabbed Nikki's ass. Nikki spun around giving me just enough time to snake around her and push that fat bitch off her chair. She fell backwards onto the ground.

"Hey bitch, you have anything else to say?" I asked the woman on the ground. She struggled to get up.

"You'll regret that." she warned. I couldn't help but laugh at her.

She might've severely outweighed me but I could kick her fat ass. I had been in all sorts of boxing and self defense classes since I was a kid, due to an over protective father. She lunged at me but I easily dodged her before grabbing the back of her shirt and throwing her into the bar. I couldn't believe what that fat bitch did next. She actually tried to hit me. She missed, obviously but she immediately followed it with another on that hit me right in the lip. I hit her a couple of times and she was soon lying on the ground. Too bad in the mean time we had broken several glasses and at least one table. 

"Sorry about that, Roxy." I said as I licked the blood from my lip. "Let me know how much I owe you."

Another woman, much like the first, walked up to me, while the first was being kicked out by the bouncer. At first I thought she was going to try to hit me but she didn't look too aggressive.

"My uncle is the chief of police. He is going to hear about this." she threatened. 

I couldn't help but laugh in her face. "Tell him that Tia from the district attorney's office says hi. He knows where I live if he has any questions." 

I know the chief of police well from the time I had gotten an internship in the DA's office when I was a teenager, a position my father got me. The second girl stormed off in an angry fit. She did know shit and her uncle certainly was not the chief of police. 

I wiped at my bloody lip with a napkin while I flexed my hand, no broken bones. That's always a plus. I reached out for Nikki's hand but she pushed me away and headed towards the door. 

"Go after her. I can deal with this." Roxy told me as she walked around the bar to clean up the broken table.

I did as she said and I chased after Nikki. She was seated in the passenger's seat of my car waiting. She refused to speak to me on the whole ride home but she sure as hell had a lot to say as soon as we walked into the house. 

"What the fuck were you thinking!" She yelled at me as soon as she had slammed the door behind us.

"Jesus, Nikki, I just hit her. What the hell did it look like I did?" I wasn't angry at her for being upset but I definitely didn't understand her either.

"You had no reason to..."

"The fuck I didn't." I said before she could finish her sentence. "She grabbed your ass and you don't think I had any reason to hit her. She is lucky she got to leave that place on her feet. If this had been before she would've been out of there in an ambulance or a hearse. I couldn't believe the nerve on her." 

"You don't get it do you?" She asked in bewilderment. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. 

"No I don't, actually." I was calm. I couldn't fight with her. I didn't want to. 

"Tia, I can't have you hitting anyone who starts a problem." 

I could see tears about to fall from her eyes.

"I don't know what to say, Nikki. I can't let people hurt you like that. I won't. I'm sorry if you think that I did the wrong thing but I thought what I did was for the best." I walked towards her to hold her but she backed up, kind of like she was scared of me.

"No, Tia. This isn't just going to go away because you're sorry." She turned on her heels and went towards the bedroom.

I was torn. I had one of two options. 1) I could follow her to the bedroom and risk continuing the fight and making her upset more upset. Or. 2) I could go to one of the guest rooms and risk letting the whole thing continue on bad terms. Either way I was probably fucked, and not getting fucked, but I decided to go make things right, even if I still thought that I was right. So I went up the bedroom slowly. I didn't chase her or run after her. I walked slowly, giving her time to calm (and me time to formulate a plan).

"Nikki." I said gently as I reached the door. She was sitting on the bed crying. I was glad I had decided to follow her. "Baby, I'm sorry. I should've thought more about what you wanted. It was wrong of me." 

I walked over and I knelt in front of her before taking her hands in mine.

"I don't care that you hit her, Tia. I care that she could've hurt you. You can't beat everyone and one day you're going to learn that the hard way. I was afraid for you." She pulled her hands from mine and turned around in the bed.

"Baby I didn't mean for you to get scared but I do understand now. Please forgive me." I spoke but I got no answer so I got in the bed behind her. 

tried to hold her but she pushed me away. So I gave up, yes I gave up. There was nothing left for me to do. So I went to the closet and changed out of my outfit like she had. I decided to actually put clothes on since I didn't think she'd want me naked. I pulled on a pair of short cotton short and a simple tank top before crawling back into bed. I made one more attempt and I was slightly more successful. I got my arm all the way around her before she told me she wasn't in the mood to cuddle or anything else. I sighed but went to sleep.

The next day didn't go much better. I made breakfast but she didn't speak to me except to say 'thank you'. After that she coldly reminded me of a list of chores that needed doing. Pick up dry cleaning, change the oil in both cars, hang new curtains in one of the guest rooms. All the chores were mundane enough but they were time consuming. After I did each thing, Nikki would thank me, then remind me of the next thing. After hanging the curtains I headed to our room to talk to her.

"There is nothing else to do." She said bleakly. I was starting to get frustrated. 

"Nikki, I don't know what you want from me. I said I was sorry. I told you why I did it. I know why you are upset but holy fuck could you give me a break here?" I said, my anger coming out of nowhere. Well not out of nowhere, it had been accumulating.

Nikki turned away from me. "Like I said, there is nothing else on the list so you can go do whatever you want to do."

I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her. She fidgeted a bit but I held her tight. "You are what I want to do." I whispered in her ear. I could feel goose bumps cover her body. "I'm sorry, Nikki, I really am but I can't fight like this. Let me make it up to you." 

She turned her head away from me when I tried to kiss her. I sighed and relinquished my hold on her. I placed a kiss on the back of her neck before leaving the room. 

I sat in the backyard while I thought about what had happened. I thought about how something so insignificant had become such a problem. I had hit that woman for her. For Nikki. Well, I guess I did it for me too. She had insulted me by insulting Nikki so I had hit her. I did understand Nikki's point, I wouldn't argue with that. It made sense. Nikki was never a fan of violence, even though we spent most of our early years fighting. I understood that she was afraid that I would've gotten hurt, I could've, but I hadn't thought of that. She was right, I had been careless. I stayed in the backyard without moving for only God knows how long. I watched the sun set out of the perfect blue sky and I wished that Nikki had been there to share it with me. The colors were magnificent. Purples and reds splayed across the sky in patterns that were mesmerizing. It had been years since I had watched the sun set and as I sat alone I felt like a part of my soul was gone. Having Nikki mad at me was like having the sun set out of my heart. Except there were no beautiful colors or sights. There was just pain and regret. 

I stayed in the yard by the pool as the sky went from blue to red to purple and finally to black. The sky was decorated by countless stars and a few light grey clouds that moved briskly with the cool ocean breeze that always engulfed the entire city. I must have nodded off on the lounge chair because the next thing I remember was Nikki waking me.

"Come inside. It's going to rain and you fell asleep out here." She whispered as she took my hand and helped me up but don't let that fool you, her mood wasn't any better than it had been earlier. I pulled my hand from hers and rested back into the chair. 

I'm staying out here." I said childishly. I was, in essence, throwing myself a little pity party, a veritable tantrum, but I had a right to. I had apologized in every way, shape and form possible but she didn't care. So why should she care if I got rained on a bit.

"Tia, don't be such a drama queen. Get inside the house before it starts raining." She tried to grab me again but I moved my hand before she could reach it. I wasn't moving until she agreed to forgive me, but I didn't have the nerve to say that to her.

"No, I'm staying out here. It has a better view than an empty house. You won't even look at me." I mumbled. I leaned back and faced the stars once again. Millions of tiny white dots painted the sky in a pattern known only to the divine. I could tell Nikki was angry.

"YOU'RE CRAZY!" She yelled at me as it started to rain a bit. I was surprised. The clouds had moved and the sky was inexplicably clear. "We are going to get pneumonia out here. Will you please come inside?"

"Go inside, Nikki, I'll be fine." I closed my eyes and let the rain cover my face. Nikki stepped back under the patio covering but she didn't go inside. She kept saying that I was crazy and that I had to go inside but the rain felt magical. It was oddly warm and I felt it trickle down my body. I stood from the chair and I laughed when Nikki thanked me for coming to my senses.

"I'm not going inside, Nikki. I am going swimming." I pulled off my shirt and jeans, I intended to jump into the pool. I was in only a black bra and matching panties in the rain in the middle of my backyard. Nikki yelled even louder at me.

"Tia, get inside, I'm begging you. Please." Even though she was shouting I could sense her worry. I didn't know why. We had gone out in the rain before. We had used our pool in the back yard during small showers like that. But I acquiesced to her demands. I stomped back into the house, right past her. I stood in the middle of the living room, dripping wet, wearing only a bra and panties. Nikki entered the house and started complaining again.

"You are going to catch your death, have you lost your mind. It's freezing in here and you are soaking wet. Come on. Let's get you dried off before you get a fever." She grabbed a blanket from the couch and draped it over me.

"Don't worry about it." I said as I shrugged off the blanket. I headed to the room and tossed off my wet clothing, or what was left of it. I crawled into bed, with my hair still dripping. 

"Tia, you need to dry yourself off. You're going to get sick, you idiot. You've got to stay warm." She threw a towel at me but I ignored it and closed my eyes, trying to find some peace from the aching in my head. Fighting with Nikki had always given me unbelievable headaches. "You're such a baby." She complained as she grabbed the towel and forced the sheets off the bed. 

I didn't move. She started to dry my legs and ass before moving to my back and my hair. She spent the most time on my hair trying to make sure it was nice and dry. Then she pulled the wet sheets off of the bed and replaced them. It the pit of my stomach I felt guilty for acting like that. It was childish. I got up from the bed and I stared at my gorgeous girlfriend. 

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It was stupid and childish." I walked over to her and hugged her. "I'm sorry for the other stuff too, it was wrong of me. I'll sleep in the guestroom for a while." 

I kissed her head and moved for the door but she caught my arm and pulled me back.

"I'm sorry too. I acted like a bitch. I just love you and I worry about you sometimes." She kissed me softly and I couldn't help but smile. I picked her up off of the bed and she wrapped her legs around me. I was naked but she was wearing her pajamas; boy shorts and a big t-shirt. My hands moved to her ass and I pulled her tight against me.




Facing My Demons Ch. 02



"I love you so much." I whispered between kisses. "I missed you. I hate it when you're mad at me."

"You missed me?" She giggled. I was still standing with her in my arms. Her arms tightly wound around my shoulders and her legs around my ass. "What do you mean you missed me? It hasn't even been 24 hours."

"24 hours is a long time to be without you. Without my mouth on yours. Without your tongue or your skin or your wonderful ass." 

I grabbed her butt a little harder for emphasis. She laughed and looked at me with the most loving smile I had ever seen on her face. I really had missed her, and part of it was because she had been mad at me. It made us feel more distant. But that didn't matter when I had her in my arms. It didn't matter when her legs were hooked around me. 

"Wow. You're really wet." I said as I slipped my fingers into the front of her panties. 

I walked over the bed and leaned her into, with her back on the bed. I pushed her back until her head was resting on the pillows. We lay in bed for a long while, just kissing and laughing and rolling. It was effortless, as always. I loved her and being with her was as easy as breathing but soon enough our touching became hotter and her clothing was soon strewn across the room. I kissed my way down her body, more biting than kissing, until I reached her hip. I knew it was one of her favorite spots and I exploited that. My tongue and teeth scraped along her skin until she saw twisting and writhing, trying to force me between her succulent thighs. I gave in to temptation and I planted myself between her legs. My arms hooked around her thighs and I pulled her wet slit against my hungry mouth. I bit, licked and sucked on her sensitive folds until she couldn't stand it any longer. Her fingers twirled into my hair as she begged me to continue on. I did continue. I moved my tongue between her folds then licked at the copious amounts of fluid gathering between them. I worked slowly, driving her insane. My tongue flicked at her clit and she bucked off the bed. I tightened my grips on her thighs and forced her back down. She calmed a bit and I was able to get a finger inside her. I moved around inside her tight opening while I sucked on her clit. She cried out and begged me to fuck her harder. I had to deny her request. I had been so crazy to fuck her since our fight that I wasn't going to give in so easily.

My finger worked hard and slow, in and out, of her. Occasionally rubbing against her g-spot, on purpose, and then avoiding it. After a while of slow torture I bit on her clit and rubbed her sensitive spot vigorously. She panted and cried out. 

"Oh good lord.. I'm coming... right there... Tia, don't stop... Oh god I love you." She cried out as she pulled my face tighter against her. 

I didn't stop. I rode out her orgasm and the next two that ensued when I refused to let go of her, or even slow down but I eventually succumb to exhaustion and I was forced to lie down next her in the bed without torturing her any further. I wasn't insanely focused on my pleasure. I hadn't needed to come as much as I had needed her to. I reveled in the fact that I could create such powerful feelings in her and that gave me a high all its own. I pulled her close to me and we cuddled together while she tried to breathe again.

"Maybe we should fight more often. That was amazing." She half panted. 

"I'll fuck you like that every day if you want but please don't be angry with me anymore. I can't stand it. I like it so much more when we can talk like this and when I can hold you. I need you near me all the time." I pulled her as close as I could and I rubbed my fingers along her naked back. 

"Okay, okay. I'll work on that but just so you know, as soon as I can move again I'm going to get you back." She gave me a devilish look and I think I came a bit. I knew she intended on devouring me. I couldn't wait.



Facing My Demons Ch. 03



It was a Friday afternoon when I returned home to a hysterical Nikki. We had been together again for a little over 6 months and life was going well. But at that moment she was crying and cleaning furiously, something she did when she was depressed and angry. She was washing already clean dishes when I walked in the door so I knew something bad had happened.

I walked over to her to kiss her but she pushed me away. 

"What's wrong, baby?" I asked as I walked back to the living room so I could remove my business suit jacket.

"Why don't you tell me?" She fired back as she threw my phone at me. I had accidentally left it at home that day. "You got a text message earlier from Jessica."

As soon as she said Jessica, I knew I was in trouble. Not because I had done anything wrong but I knew what it looked like.

"...I'm sorry about last night, I couldn't get away. Maybe next time..." Nikki was repeating the text messages on my phone out loud. "...I had a great time at dinner. I feel guilty about relaxing when we have so much to do... can you get away tomorrow I have some stuff I want to show you... I feel really bad about lying to Nikki. You should tell her about all of this. This is all too important to hide..."

"Nikki, I know what you think but you're wrong. I can explain..." a dish came flying towards me. 

I sighed. We were back to our old antics. She was jealous, although with good reason I'll admit. The texts did sound bad but I thought we had gotten past all of that. Past the jealously, the anger and the fighting but obviously we hadn't. 

"Why does everyone always say that?" Nikki said as she looked me dead in the eye. "I can explain. I can explain. I can explain. How about you just get the fuck out?"

"I'm not going anywhere. We are going to talk about this. You've got it all wrong..." another dish came my way.

"Forget it. I knew you wouldn't leave. I'll go." She ran upstairs quickly before returning down the stairs with an overnight bag in her hands. She had already packed it."I'll be back tomorrow night. Have your shit out by then."

She stormed out of the house and I was left with tears streaming down my face. Why hadn't I just told her the truth? I knew she hated Jessica. Jessica had been my assistant once upon a time and Nikki was jealous of her even then but I hadn't done anything to warrant it. I had never had eyes for anyone but Nikki but she wouldn't believe me. Jessica had eventually finished her law degree and was working as a real estate attorney, which was why I had been seeing her. It was late November and I was buying some property for Nikki for Christmas. 

I didn't sleep that night, I didn't even bother going to bed. I just changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top and I cried my eyes out on the living room couch. There would be no reasoning with Nikki. She would never listen to anything I said. In her mind she already had all the proof she needed. The sun rose the next morning and then set again that night. I jumped when I hear Nikki's keys opening the door. Nikki walked into the house with Roxy by her side. She had brought Roxy for backup. She didn't want excuses, she wanted me out. Roxy was there to ensure that she got exactly that.

"Nikki, can I talk to you alone for a minute?" I said directly to Roxy. I didn't want Roxy around, at all, and it way annoying to have her there. Nikki and I had things to work out.

"I'm sorry Tia. I'm not leaving, you are." Roxy was remarkably cold. She thought I had cheated on Nikki, I guess she had reason in acting like that.

"I'm not asking you, Roxy. Get the hell out. Now!" I glared at her for a moment before Nikki told her she could leave.

"Do I get a chance to explain things or are you just going to assume that I have been fucking around?" I asked Nikki as she walked upstairs. I followed closely behind her. She pulled my suitcase from the closet and started shoving my clothes into it.

"Nikki, stop this." I yelled as I tried to take the suitcase from her. I was shocked when Nikki backhanded me. Her knuckles crashed into my bottom lip. The taste of blood immediately filled my mouth. Metallic and sharp. It dripped down to my shirt.

"You can't make this easy can you?" She started to cry.

She looked genuinely shocked to have hit me. 

"I can't deal with all of this. I left everything for you. I dropped everything I had because you promised you loved me. What was the point? Now I have nothing, again. I left her... Now I'm alone once again... because of you." She wiped her face and went back to packing my shit. 

I pulled my tank top off and used it to wipe at my busted lip. Then I walked over to Nikki and grabbed her face with one hand. She flinched. She thought I was going to hit her. I don't know why. In all the years we had been together I had never hit her. I had thrown things and pushed off of me when SHE hit me but I had never struck her and she had just busted my lip open. But it was her words that had hurt me more. She regretted leaving Angela for me.

"In not going to hit you, Nikki. I love you and I never did anything wrong. I would never cheat on you but I can't believe you just fucking said that." I let her go and I walked over to my briefcase. I pulled out the title of the lake house I had just bought for her. The real estate agent's name was on the document and on the page behind it was a letter from Jessica's office stating that I had to take Nikki into the office so she could sign the title. I threw the papers at Nikki. 

"Merry fucking Christmas." I said before I went downstairs to clean myself up. Nikki had hit like me like a fucking truck. My lip was busted, bruised, and a bit swollen. Great, clients would love that.

I got a rag from the kitchen and used it to clean the blood that had dripped to my chest. Anyone would've thought that Nikki had hit me with a frying pan. I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to the words Nikki had said to me. She basically said that she regretted leaving Angela for me. Tears fell from my eyes but they hurt like hell when they hit my lip so I stopped. What was the point? Nikki was right. I had forced her to get back with me. I had promised her all the pretty things in life and it wasn't fair. She deserved better. We still had the same problems we had before. I was still a hot head and she was still jealous as all hell. 

"Tia, I don't know what to say." Nikki muttered from the base of the stairs. She held the lake house papers in her hand. I was surprised she actually looked at them. I was surprised she didn't just run them through a shredder.

I had nothing to say back to her. What would I say? 'It's okay that you hit and kicked me out and thought I was fucking some girl and told me you regretted leaving your ex.' Instead of saying that, I said nothing. There was silence for a moment.

"I'm sorry." Nikki whispered. I couldn't help but laugh. She was sorry. That made everything better, right? Of course it didn't. She had told me that once, that sorry doesn't fix things. But what would I say to her. I had no answer for 'I'm sorry'. Not when I still had the taste of my blood in my mouth. 

"I'm going to bed." I said as I headed upstairs. Since I was no longer the bad guy, finally, I decided on going to sleep. I entered the bedroom and stood motionless for a moment thinking about what to do next, not just at that instant but for the rest of my life. In my moment of hesitation Nikki entered.

"I don't have the right words for you, Tia. I can't even begin to tell you how much I regret what I said and there aren't even words to express how much I want to take it back. I just need to know if you can forgive me." Nikki said to me, even though my back was turned. 

I turned to face her, a bit dramatically. "Do you know how you hurt me? It wasn't by hitting me, hell you've hit me harder. You hurt me by not trusting me. I have never cheated on you. I've never kissed another girl or even looked at someone else while I was with you. Do you know why? It's because I fall in love with you each day all over again. No one on this planet knows what's in my heart except you 'cause you are only one in there. I don't have a Roxy in my life. I never had an Angela or anything else. I just don't get why you don't trust me." 

My words were too fast and way too heated and I regretted it as soon as I said it. I should've said that I did forgive her and that I did love her but I couldn't say those things, not yet.

"I know. I just got scared that you would be gone again." That was all she had to say. I rolled my eyes and turned away from her. That excuse was getting old. In the back of my mind I knew it would always be the excuse but I wasn't strong enough to leave her again. I needed her.

I saw my suitcase on the bed. My clothes were tossed in, and around it. Pictures of Nikki and I were also in it. She had already pulled down the pictures of us, that hurt. I pulled out the pictures slowly glancing at each one briefly. There was a Nikki and I at the beach. A picture of us scrunched in the backseat of her car, right before we... you know. Nikki's favorite picture of us was also there. I remembered the moment in the picture as if it happened only that morning. It had been years ago. I had surprised Nikki with a weekend vacation to an amusement park. She had always wanted to go, so for her 22nd birthday we went. The last day we ended up leaving late because Nikki just had to ride every last ride in the damn park. She didn't even stop to think that it was about a 4 hour drive back to. She also didn't think about the fact that we were in my car and she couldn't drive a stick. So we left the theme park at 10 and then Nikki got hungry and blah blah blah. In the end we got on the road at midnight but Nikki was still thrilled that she had been able to go. But back to the picture. Since I was angry, I wasn't paying attention to Nikki so when she grabbed my shoulders and got next to me for the picture I looked over at her and gave her my biggest you're-a-pain-in-the-ass look. Snap went the camera and the moment was immortalized in film forever. Nikki cherished that picture like nothing else. I stung that she had thrown it in my luggage. I set the picture frame on the night stand then pulled on a new shirt from it. Then in a bout of frustration I tossed my suitcase roughly off the bed. Nikki watched me before walking over and grabbing my shoulders. Once I was facing her, she grabbed my chin with one of her delicate hands. 

"Let me see your lip." She said as she got even closer to me, closing the space between our bodies. I softly shook my head out of her grasp. I wasn't angry but there was nothing wrong with my lip, except the fact that she had busted it open and it was bleeding into my mouth. "Tia, come on. I'm worried about you."

I let her grab me again, for nothing more than because I loved her. She tilted my head a bit so she could see better. 

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you like this." She went to kiss me but I dodged it. Her lips landed on my cheek. 

"Too bad that's the least of my injuries." I said softly before climbing into bed. She got in after me. I wanted to stop her, to tell her to go to another room, but I couldn't. My mind couldn't force my heart to make her leave.

"I know what I did was stupid. Incredibly stupid. Monumentally, astronomically and unequivocally stupid but I need you to know that I love you and I never meant to hurt you, any part of you. I just thought that you had... It hurt me so bad inside that I... I don't know what I was doing. I'm so sorry, baby." she rubbed at my ribs while trying to kiss me again. I pulled away then turned to face her.

"It doesn't matter, Nikki. I just need you to get past your jealousy issues so we can move on. I had to ruin my Christmas present for you just so you would believe that I wasn't fucking someone else. You didn't even give me a chance to explain. What if I wouldn't have had those papers with me? You would've booted my ass out the door is what would've happened." I was just getting into my rant when I noticed tears sparkle in Nikki's eyes. Her tears stopped me dead in my tracks. I rested my head back and sighed.

"I'm sorry. There isn't anything else to say. I'm sorry. It's just that thinking of you with anyone else kills me..."

"The thought of cheating on you sickens me. I would rather be hit by a bus, honestly. Now that I have you, I don't want to let you go. There is no one on this planet that I love as much as I love you, no one worth losing you for. Why can't you believe me? I don't know how else to prove it." I tried to wipe my tears but Nikki grabbed my hand. She then leaned forward and kissed them away.

"Everyone falls in love with you, Tia. Everyone woman you walk by falls to her knees and every man would kiss your feet if you asked. Sometimes I think you'll wake up and realize there are people around with a lot less baggage than us." Nikki said without taking her lips off of me. "I love you, baby." 

She kissed at my cheek again and I finally gave up. I didn't want to fight. I actually hated fighting with Nikki. She was all I ever wanted but the pain in my lip snapped me back to reality. 

"What's wrong, baby?" Nikki asked as she moved her kisses down to my throat. I tried to pull away but there was nowhere to go. She continued to lick, kiss and bite at my neck.

"What's wrong is that when I hit some RANDOM person who practically assaults you, you don't talk to me for two days almost but when you hit ME you want everything to be better now. It really isn't fair. I apologized ever way I could and you didn't even let me kiss you." I pushed her off of me and turned so my back was to her. 

I heard a sigh behind me and I felt Nikki's cool fingers slide the back of my shirt up a bit. She ran her slender fingers along my exposed skin. 

"I was dying for you to touch me then. I wanted you to throw me on the bed and ravage me. I basically wanted you to remind me about how much I love you. I was going crazy for your touch. I want to remind you, Tia. I love you."

Nikki leaned down and kissed the base of my spine, sending shivers through my body. She continued to push my shirt up and kiss along my back. I sat up and pulled my shirt back down. 

"We can't ever fight like this again, Nikki." I warned her. Even if I had been to blame, we couldn't hit each other. It would only be a matter of time before things got worse if we did. "If we can't talk about things then we don't have a relationship. I understand just how shady those text messages seemed but you should've talked to me first..."

"I know."

"Let me finish." I said firmly but not angrily. "I don't want to be without you but we can't do this. It's crazy. You busted open my fucking lip. I won't be able to work for a week. No client wants a lawyer to represent them in a case that looks like she just got out of the ring with Ali." 

I would end up without a week's paycheck, one week's very sizeable paycheck. Money wasn't tight, by any stretch, but less money in my pocket put an even worse taste in my mouth.

"We could go on vacation for a few days. It could be just what we need." Nikki offered as she rubbed at my sides. I could see the regret in her eyes. She had always been the calmer one of us, which always made her little tantrums all the more shocking. I sighed again and rested back against the head board. 

"Whatever." I said finally. We needed to work on a few things in our relationship and I wanted to do it away from Roxy, Nikki's family, my family and the rest of the town in general. "The lake house is already furnished and I have the keys. If you really want to go then fine. I'll call my dad in the morning and tell him I am taking the week off. I'm sure he'll love that." 

I was glad I was a partner at the firm. I brought in enough clients to do whatever the hell I wanted in that office. Most of my clients were old men who liked showing up to court with a hot young attorney who happened to be really smart.

"Thanks baby." Nikki leaned forward and kissed my lips. It hurt like hell so I pulled back. She kissed at my neck and even snaked her white-hot tongue out against my skin. I withdrew once more.

"Not tonight, Nikki." I said, more depressed than angry. 

I couldn't believe my life. She hit me. My little Nikki had broken my lip open. I was astonished. It wasn't the first time it had happened to me by any means, hell even Roxy had busted my lip a few times, but that didn't take away from the fact that it hurt so much more since it was Nikki who had done it. I was certain she hadn't meant to. But I did give her credit for her dramatics. I hadn't ever been backhanded before. It sucked but I understood why she did it. She simply hit me when she was hurting. She had been hurting inside so she wanted to make me hurt too. Shit, my lip didn't even hurt that bad anymore, as long as she didn't touch it. It was the principle of the matter that bothered me. It was her words that hurt. I didn't even let her words settle in my mind all the way, I would have to deal with that soon enough and I didn't want to start crying again.

I lay back down in the bed and Nikki stripped down to her panties quickly before joining me. She faced me in the bed, something she rarely did. Usually she slept with her back against my chest curled up in a ball. She looked into my eyes and placed her hand and on my face. Her thumb rested on my cheek and her fingers trailed across my neck. 

"I love you so much." She whispered as she kissed at my cheekbones, nose, eyes and forehead. It was loving, not sexual. I let out a deep breath and took her face in my hands.

"I love you too, Nikki. Now go to bed, we'll talk about things tomorrow." I kissed her forehead, ignoring the stinging on my lip. 

Nikki never rolled over that night, like she usually did. I think she was afraid of being alone. She spent the night holding my hand, keeping me from turning my back to her, not that I would've anyway. She fell asleep first, although I could tell she hadn't wanted to. She looked at me with sad eyes until I could see her drowsiness in her face. Reluctantly she shut her eyes and succumbed to her exhaustion. I watched her sleep for a while and I was overcome by both sadness and regret. I shouldn't have hidden Jessica from Nikki. I could've come up with a million excuses to explain working with Jessica that would've both eased suspicion and alleviated tension. Jessica and I were, after all, in similar professions. I had also behaved inappropriately. I knew Nikki had been jealous of Jessica and taking her out to dinner after we had worked together was probably inappropriate, as were the text messages she had sent me. But then again, we were old friends. Why couldn't I take her out to dinner or send her a text?... I knew the answer to that. It was because I had hid it from Nikki, and not just because of the lake house. I knew Nikki wouldn't have approved so I kept it secret, using the secrecy of my purchase to validate it in my mind.

Right before I fell asleep I noticed that Nikki was no longer holding my hand, she was sleeping. Our hands were just lightly trapped together but I didn't want to let her go. That was partly because I didn't want her to wake up disappointed that I had let her go but a more basic and much more self-centered part didn't want to let go because I liked holding her. I liked touching her and I liked that she wanted to touch me. So when I fell asleep my hand was still locked with Nikki's. 

I didn't wake up the next morning. I was woken up, which didn't exactly thrill me. I was sleeping somewhat peacefully when I felt a chilly hand rubbing my exposed leg. Nikki and I were in the same spot we had been when we had fallen asleep in, except the hand that had been holding mine was currently rubbing my leg. I looked at Nikki and she smiled before kissing my cheek for the billionth time.




Facing My Demons Ch. 03



"I know you're still angry but I thought we could head out early and get to the lake house before lunch." Nikki was chipper, like she usually was. I couldn't help but fall in love with her at that moment. Her eyes sparkled with happiness and tranquility at the chance to make everything up to me.

"That's fine." I said as I stretched. Nikki kissed me again before running off to get our things packed. I refused to go anywhere near a suitcase. I decided to call my dad to tell him I was taking time off.

"Hey daddy" I said into the phone as soon as my father picked up.

"Good morning, baby. To what do I owe the pleasure of such a lovely Sunday morning call." He laughed into the receiver and I felt a tad calmer. He was in a good mood and that helped. He was always an easy-going man but that didn't make me any less stressed about taking a week off of work. He was still my boss.

"I'm not going to work on Monday." I said.

"Okay... Is everything alright?" The fatherly concern was almost immediate.

"Everything is alright, dad. I'm just going to take Nikki to the new lake house for a few days."

"I thought that was a Christmas gift."

"It was. I just had to reveal it a bit sooner than planned. It's really no big deal dad. I just wanted you to know that I will be out for the week."

"Week?" My dad's incredulous question almost made me laugh. Almost.

"Yes dad. If I'm correct there is nothing on my schedule that can't be moved back. Have my assistant make the calls. If something comes up just take care of it will you?" 

"Natalia, what's wrong?" My dad's concern had returned again. He knew me too well. Between exposing the lake house and taking a week off he knew something wasn't right.

"It's nothing. Nikki and I just got into a little argument. We are taking some time off to be together and work some things out." I breathed heavily and prayed he would leave it at that.

"Take as much time as you need, honey." My father told me gently. "There are some things that are much more important that work. I will deal with everything here until you can come back."

"Thanks daddy. I love you." I said as I hung up. Tears welled in my eyes as I tossed my phone back in my purse. 

"Are we off the hook?" Nikki asked just as I had finished wiping my face. 

"It's all taken care of." I told her a bit too coldly. Nikki nodded slightly, she looked a bit discouraged by my attitude. But her smile returned an instant later. Only I would've been able to notice the slight fluctuation in her mood.

"Are we taking the dogs or do we leave them with Roxy?"

"Let's bring them." I said apathetically. At last that way I would have some distraction from my situation with Nikki if I took the dogs.

"Are you sure?" In the way she said it I knew Nikki didn't want to take them. I hated it when she did that shit. Why did she ask if she didn't want to take them? It's not like I really cared anyway. "I was just thinking that we could take your car, drop the top and relax. The dogs won't fit in your car."

"Suitcases won't fit in my fucking car, Nikki." I said firmly. But I decided that wasn't a fight I was interested in. "I'm sorry. Never mind that, I'll drop the dogs off at Nikki's while you finish getting everything ready."

I walked over to closet and pulled out a pair of jeans, a white tank-top and a pair of red heels. Then I headed to the bathroom and pulled my long hair up into a high ponytail. I put on my sunglasses and headed down stairs. Nikki was waiting by the front door with both dogs and a bag of their stuff. 

"Here you go, babe. Drive safe." Nikki leaned forward and kissed my lips softly so she wouldn't hurt me. 

"Yeah, I'll be back soon." I muttered. I grabbed my purse and the dog bag and headed out the door. I walked over to my other car, an SUV, and I put the dogs in the back. 

The dogs followed me obediently to the car and hopped into the back with little instruction. I drove over to Roxy's house in record time. Fighting with Nikki always put me in a horrible mood and that always made me drive fast. I rang Roxy's door bell and waited for an answer.

"I can't believe you cheated on... What the fuck happened to your face?" Roxy said as soon as she opened the door. 

"Nikki is what happened to my face and I did not cheat on her." I grumbled. Roxy laughed and waved me and the dogs into her house.

"Since you are with pets and that bag looks too small to be for you, I assume you aren't going to ask me to stay here." Roxy smiled and motioned for me sit on the couch opposite her. "But seriously what happened?"

"Those texts were from an old friend of mine who is now in real estate. I bought Nikki some property for Christmas, in a town a few hours from here, but since it is in another city I figured I could use some help. Then Nikki saw the texts and all hell broke loose. Nikki was packing up my stuff when I tried to explain that but she slapped me..."

"Hold on. It looks like she hit you with a fucking brick. Have you looked at your lip?" Roxy laughed a bit as she pointed to my face.

"She tried to backhand me but you know Nikki. She missed my cheek and hit me straight on the mouth. The fact that I was talking and had my mouth wide open trying to explain didn't exactly help matters. But after she hit me, I showed her the title to the lake house and some letters from Jessica's office at her." I watched the look on Roxy's face go from amused to empathetic. 

"I'm sorry about how I acted yesterday. You understand that Nikki is always my first priority. She's like my sister." Roxy talked quickly and her voiced dripped with embarrassment. 

"You are the least of my problems, Roxy, don't worry about it. Now I get to spend a week off of work with a busted lip and the woman who gave it to me. To make matters worse I let her convince me to go to the lake house..."

"You let her convince you last night after she hit you? If I were you I would've beat the hell out of her. If anyone hit me like that..."

"I know what you would do ,Roxy. I have been that anyone. Broken hand and cracked ribs remember?" I watched a bright blush creep over Roxy's face. "But you'll understand eventually. When you love someone, it isn't about getting even. It's about moving on. Nikki needs the lake house to move on so that's what we're doing."

"Maybe I will know about that sooner rather than later." Roxy flashed me a wicked smile. "I've kind of been seeing someone for a while. Her name is Crystal..."

"Crystal?" I repeated skeptically. I had known a few Crystal's in my time and none were... goods news, so to speak.

"She's not like that. She's really nice and I think you guys would like her. I was going to tell Nikki but then everything happened on Friday and I didn't have a chance. Don't tell her, please." Roxy's last line came out with an exceptional child-like flare. I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"I have enough on my plate to deal with, thank you very much. I wouldn't do it anyway. Your secrets are yours. Tell Nikki whenever you want." I stood, grabbed my purse and headed for the door. "You don't mind taking the dogs, do you? I mean, Crystal isn't afraid of dogs or anything right?" I couldn't help but tease Roxy as I walked out the door. Roxy laughed and tossed a pillow at me and I heard it hit the door as soon as I shut it. I drove back home and my good mood dissipated on the trip.

When I opened the gate and pulled into the drive way I noticed Nikki closing the trunk of my car. She was dressed in a cute little summer outfit and I rolled my eyes. She wanted to make me want to fuck her and her choice of outfit was right on the money. She was wearing a pair of white shorts and I could barely make out the line of her red thong underneath. Her shirt was red but it wasn't really a shirt any longer. It had once been a tight fitting tee but she had cut it the front and tied the two pieces together in a knot under her breasts. She had decided to forgo the bra in this equation. I parked the SUV out of the way and then got out.

"You might want to put a bra on." I said as I walked over to her. She turned and kissed me swiftly before I could dodge her. "We have to buy groceries as soon as we get into town."

"I don't really care. Besides, I have a sweater in the car." Nikki's good mood was almost untouchable. I shrugged and hopped into the driver's seat of my car. Nikki had already put the top down and was lounging comfortably in the passenger's seat by the time I walked to my side of the car. As soon as I sat, she hopped over and placed another lightning fast kiss on me, this time on my cheek.

"Thank you for doing this for me, baby. I know you didn't want to but I swear we will have fun." She smiled her million dollar smile and settled back into her seat.

We both put our seatbelts on then I began the drive. Nikki made idle conversation in the beginning. The weather, my car, gas prices, her car needing new spark-plugs, she needed a new mechanic... blah blah blah. But I gave her the answers she wanted from me. 'Yes Nikki, the weather is beautiful... my car was a great choice for the trip... gas prices are insane... I can change your spark-plugs when we get back... fire your mechanic I know a good one... blah blah blah' I wasn't on the trip to be mean to her so I did the right thing in answering her. What would've been the point of going on the trip if I would've ignored her on the 5-hour drive. About half way there, Nikki placed her hand on my knee and looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked with genuine concern. The vacation had been her idea.

"It's just... You're being so nice to me and I know you're mad. You shouldn't be so nice to me after what I did... I'm just so sorry..." her silent tears turned into loud sobs so I pulled over. We were on a small state-road, two lanes, and I pulled over onto the grass.

"I know you're sorry and I'm not going to be mean to you. You know I love you, Nikki. This is just going to take a little time to get over." I sighed and rested my head back against my headrest.

"I know. Thank you." Nikki sniffled. She wiped her eyes then kissed me again. I wasn't going to stop her, even if it did hurt.

The rest of the drive was a bit more relaxed. Nikki wasn't desperate to fill the silence and I wasn't compelled to answer. Out of nowhere, Nikki pulled out a camera, pulled me close to her and snapped a picture. She smiled and sat back in her seat so she could check the photo on the digital camera screen. She suddenly busted out laughing.

"Look at this." Nikki said, handing me the camera. I looked down at the screen and saw that the picture she had just taken was exactly like the one she had framed at the house. I couldn't stop the smile that crept onto my face. I was happy that Nikki was enjoying herself, like she had so long ago. 

"Can't you ever get one where I'm smiling?" I asked as I slid my glasses down a bit so I could look at her. She aimed the camera at me and took a picture. I rolled my eyes and focused on the road. 

"I like pictures when you don't smile. They feel so real and not so fake like most people's pictures. I like making you smile in real life better, it makes me that much happier." Nikki yawned and settled back into her chair, tossing her camera back into her purse. She rested onto my shoulder and told me she was going to take a nap. She fell asleep almost immediately and within moments she was shivering. 

"Great." I mumbled to myself. I looked around the car, as best I could while driving, but I couldn't find the jacket she had mentioned. I assumed she had put it in the trunk. I closed the top of the car but she didn't stop shaking, the air wasn't even on and if I rolled the windows up I would suffocate.

I wasn't even wearing anything that I could give her. She deserved to be cold since she had wanted to dress like she was heading to the beach. But I wasn't angry with her, in some weird way she had done it for me. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and rubbed her arm to warm it up. She moaned in her sleep and I took that as a thank-you. I drove for two hours like that, with one hand on her arm and one hand on the wheel. It wasn't bad though. I enjoyed touching her, I always had, and the fact that it made her comfortable made it that much better. When we were nearing the town, I pulled into a gas station. I filled the tank and went in to pay. I was surprised when the attendant told me that they did sell blankets when I asked him. I bought a plain black fleece blanket and paid for the gas. When I returned to the car I opened it and put it on her. I pulled back out onto the road and we were in our tiny town right on schedule. I pulled into a drive through place and order Nikki and I some food. I got directions to the lake house from the fast food worker and I was there within ten minutes. 

"Nikki, wake up." I said as I gently shook her. "We're here. Wake up."

"Come on, Tia. Let me sleep." Nikki groaned then rolled over in the chair. I laughed but decided to unpack before bothering her again. The lake house was everything I had imagined it to be. It looked like something out of a magazine. A long secluded driveway, not another house in sight. The property came with acres of land and it truly was gorgeous. I popped the trunk and was surprised by how small the two bag were that Nikki had backed. They were simple duffle bags, not really enough for a week for two WOMEN. But I shrugged it off and took them inside. I dropped them by the front door and took the food to the kitchen before returning to the car for Nikki. 

"Nikki, you have to get up. You can sleep inside if you want." I tried to shake her once again but she shifted in the chair and brushed off my comments. I leaned in and simply picked Nikki up out of the car and took her inside the house. I was amazed at how the woman could nap. I silently thanked God for my work outs, and although Nikki wasn't fat at all she still weighed as much as I did. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and cuddled into my neck. She had already been sleeping for two hours but she still didn't want to move. I took her to the master bedroom and slipped her into the bed.

"What are you doing?" she asked sleepily as I tucked her in. 

"I'm putting you to bed." I told her. I brushed some hair out of her face and looked at her lovely eyes staring back at me. Brilliantly blue and I was amazed at how much I loved her. Yes, just by looking into her eyes I was overcome by love.

"But, we need to go grocery shopping." she muttered as she forced herself to sit.

"I have fast food. We can eat that then go out later. I think I need a nap anyway. More than 5 hours on the road isn't exactly fun. Especially when you fell asleep." 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep for so long. But after you put your arm around me I got so comfortable and it felt so good... I didn't sleep well last night." she didn't have to tell my why she didn't sleep well. I knew, it was the same reason I had slept restlessly. I couldn't sleep without her in my arms and she couldn't sleep without being in my arms.

"I know. Let's eat then we can go to bed... comfortably." We both knew what 'comfortably' meant. It meant I would hold her.

I kissed her head again then went to get the food. Maybe we would have a better time than I had thought. I returned to the bedroom with our food and sat on the bed across from Nikki. I handed her the chicken sandwich, I knew was her favorite and I took my burger. I emptied our fries onto to the bag, since I knew she was a fry hog, then handed her her coke. We ate silently for a moment before she laughed randomly.

"You have some ketchup... right there..." Nikki giggled in a childish way that made me smile. I wiped randomly at my face trying to locate the hilarious spot of ketchup that marked my face.

"Did I get it?" I asked arbitrarily. I was almost sure I hadn't gotten it. 

"Let me get it." Nikki leaned forward and ran her thumb across my bottom lip gently, mindful of my injury. It was much more sexually charged than it should've been. When she was sure she had gotten everything she sucked on her thumb. "There you go. All better."

"Thanks." I mumbled, trying to keep my resolve. I wasn't going to give in just because she wiped my mouth. Our meal ended unceremoniously and I unpacked our clothes as I tried to ignore Nikki's intense stares. She was watching my body. I could almost feel her gaze on my flesh, on my ass as I stretched to reach the extra blankets in the closet, on my chest as I reached for our bags on the bed, and on my eyes every time I dared look at her face. 

When I finally did everything I could do to waste time, I climbed into the bed with Nikki. It was mid afternoon but I was exhausted. My muscles hurt from the long trip and my mind hurt... just because it did. I got under the blanket and I prayed that Nikki was already sleeping. I was kind of regretting my promise of comfort. Not that I didn't want to hold her... well actually that was exactly it. I didn't want to hold her. Not because I didn't want to touch her but because I really didn't want to give her the chance to touch me. I wasn't sure how long I could keep turning her down.

"You okay?" Nikki asked when I stayed far from her in the bed. I lay on my back silently. Was I okay? It was a great question. Nikki rolled over to face me. She was a few feet from me in the giant king sized bed. She repeated her question when I didn't answer.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just tired, you know." I mumbled. It was a lame excuse and I knew she wouldn't believe me. She always knew when I lied. Nikki scooted closer to me and cuddled up to my ribs. I wrapped my arm around her instinctively, honestly I didn't even think of doing anything else. Her arm snaked across my stomach and made slow circles on my sides.

"I love you." Nikki whispered as she kissed my stomach. I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you too." I replied, meaning every single syllable. Sleep overtook us both swiftly and even asleep I hugged her tightly. My subconscious knew what I wanted better than the rest of me did.

Nikki woke up first, as always, but she didn't bother me. I woke up to her amazing blue eyes watching my face. I stared back for a moment, not wanting the intensity of that particular second to fade. She was beautiful. High cheek bones and a strong yet feminine jaw line. Her lips were full, especially the bottom one, and they just begged to be kissed. Her nose was perfectly proportioned to her face and it just added to her all around beauty. She could've been Ms. Universe if she had set her mind to it. 

"I was beginning to think you were sleeping just to avoid me." She laughed nervously.

"Of course not. Remember that I didn't have the benefit of a two and a half hour head start to our little nap." I was a bit colder than I had intended. I had wanted to reassure her, not hurt her feelings.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. It was wrong of me to do that to you. I woke you up early then slept while you had to drive." A guilty look covered her face and I regretted my words with every fiber of my being. It had been a petty thing to do to pick at small things to avoid the larger issues.

"It's okay. I'm glad you got to rest, I know you were tired." I said kissing her head once again. Her good mood seemed to kick in again and she bounded off the bed.

"Come on. There has to be something here we can do." She laughed. I rolled my eyes but I followed her obediently. 

"We are going to have to get something to eat soon. It's getting late and the grocery stores are going to close in a bit. We'll be stuck without anything to eat until morning." I told her, coming down from my momentary high.

"Yeah, you're right. You should go shop and I'll work on cleaning the kitchen a bit so I can cook when you get back." Nikki said as she ran over to me and kissed me on the lips, I no longer felt any pain associated with it, at least not when her lips were pressed to mine. She giggled and looked down at her attire. "It's not like I'm dressed to go grocery shopping anyways."




Facing My Demons Ch. 03



"Nikki, you are dressed to go anywhere but the Playboy Mansion." I said, only in half joke. 

"I know." Nikki said pensively. "It was a letdown in the end I guess." The last sentence she said almost under her breath. 

I sighed, but left for the grocery store. I bought all the little odds and ends we would need for a week long stay. My time at the store was both too lengthy and too expensive but I went home with an odd desire to be with Nikki. Not in a sexual way per say but in a literal way. I wanted to be with her. To have her near me and talk to me. I wanted to cook with her and then sit and enjoy our meal. I wanted us to be the happy couple we usually were.

"Hey, baby." Nikki greeted me as soon as I walked in. I unloaded the groceries while Nikki put everything in its place. The work was easy since we tag-teamed it.

"What do you want to eat?" She asked as she stood back and surveyed the fresh contents of the fridge. 

'YOU', was the first answer that popped into my mind but I silenced the thought. "I'm not really hungry. I'll probably just make myself a sandwich..."

"I'll make it for you then. I'll just have the same since I'm not really in the mood for a large meal either." Nikki seemed all too eager to help but I didn't stop her. 

Nikki busied herself making the sandwiches while I stood in the kitchen and watched. At one point she had to stretch to reach some plates that were stored high on the top shelf of the cabinet. As she stretched her red thong panties slipped into view above her shorts. I walked over and playfully snapped the side of the waist band against her hip. 

"White panties might be a tad more appropriate with shorts like that." I laughed before sitting on the counter. "Or no panties at all but a red thong seems a little desperate."

"Who said I'm not desperate?" There was a sting of honesty in her sentence that caught me a bit off guard. She seemed unfazed by my surprise. "And not wearing any panties would've been catastrophic. Every time I see you I get wet. My shorts would've been soaked by now."

All I could think to do was laugh for a nanosecond. I didn't know what else to do. I was half a second away from laying her on the kitchen table and having my way with her. But instead I stayed silent. Five minutes later we each had our ham sandwiches and we were lying on the ground in front of the large fireplace. When our sandwiches had disappeared, we sat in an uncomfortable silence, neither of us knowing the right words to say.

"Do you want to light a fire?" she asked playfully with a gorgeous smile.

"I think the only way we'd need a fire is if we were naked. It's still a little too warm. We'd be sweating in no time." I laughed and used a pillow from the couch to rest on.

"If we were naked, I definitely wouldn't need a fire to get me sweating." There were enough sexual overtones in that sentence to flood my body but I didn't let on. At least I hoped I didn't. The silence again crept into the room. 

"We should probably talk about what happened, right?" Nikki said when she could no longer take the awkwardness. 

"I guess..." was the best answer I could come up with. What the hell else was there to say? 'Yes, Nikki, I would love to talk about our fight. You know, the one when you hit me and said you shouldn't have gotten back together with me?'

"Tia, you know I didn't want to hit you like that but also I need you to know that I never meant the things I said. I was thrilled when you came home, even if I was scared at first. And it doesn't matter that you asked me to leave some things behind so we could get back together. If you hadn't it only would've been a matter of time before I dropped everything to get with you anyway." Nikki sat up and stared at me. Waiting for me to answer.

"Do you ever wonder what would've happened if I never would've come back?" I asked her as I looked out the window. I couldn't bring myself to look at her.

"Do you regret coming home... coming home for me?" Nikki asked, I heard her choke back her tears. 

"Not at all. I've never had a life without you." I turned quickly to look at her so she could see the certainty in my eyes. "And honestly the thought didn't even occur to me until you said those things yesterday. I've just started to wonder if maybe things would've worked out better for you if I would've stayed away."

"No, Tia, don't think that. My life with you is exactly what I always wanted." Tears began to fall from her eyes as she spoke. "I knew from the instant I saw you in that grocery store that I needed to be with you. No one else mattered."

"Don't you mean 'Angela didn't matter'? You did the same thing yesterday. You said you left 'her' and you were alone because you didn't have her anymore." My words were crisp and harsh. 

Angela's name came out with a certain disgust that ate away at my heart. I calmed myself and looked back out the window to the lake shining in the moonlight. I whispered my words into the air, almost pretending that no one else was there. 

"You ripped my heart out when you said that, Nikki."

"I didn't really mean it." Nikki was sobbing behind me, but I couldn't force myself to turn around. "I know it sounds bad but I thought you were cheating and it hurt me so bad that I just wanted to hurt you back."

"Well, it worked." I mumbled in an almost incoherent way. "Maybe I shouldn't have come back. You would still have your precious little angel and I would still be the distant nightmare."

"Please don't say that. I'm so happy you came back. I love you so much..."

"You were happy before I came back, Nik. You had a life and if things had gone the way I had planned them then maybe things would be different. If I had only talked to Roxy first things would've been different. She would've told me how happy you were and I never would've ruined that for you. I would've let you move on, hell you already had. You could've had a happily ever after without me." 

My own tears started to fall but they were silent. No sobs or sniffles came from me. It was like my tears were pouring right out of my broken heart. 

"Angie and I could've never had a happily ever after. I wasn't the right person for her. She was never even a real lesbian, she just liked me." Nikki spoke quickly, trying to justify my actions. 

"But you cared for her. You could've made it work. You could've had a happy ending." I said, a bit too forceful.

"We weren't right together. We didn't want the same things. It was only a matter of time..." Nikki said desperately. I stood from the floor and wiped my tears before walking over to Nikki and kissing the top of her head. 

"Wrong answer, Nik. You were supposed to say that you couldn't have had a happy ending with anyone but me." I walked off to the bedroom and I cried my eyes out on the pillow.

She had said the wrong thing. She had told me why Angela would've left her but she didn't say why she would've left Angela. I had no doubt in my mind that if I had seen Roxy before I had seen Nikki, I never would've moved back. I never would've ruined her happiness. I'm not the home-wrecker type of person that I am often mistaken for. Everything had just had such bad timing. I loved Nikki, that would always be true and I would be in love with her until the day I died, but because of what she had said I would always have that gnawing feeling in my stomach, asking me if I had done the right thing by coming back to her. 

I don't know how long I cried or how long I lay motionless in the bed after my tears had finally subsided. But eventually Nikki did enter the room. She sat at the corner of the bed but I couldn't look at her. 

"I never loved Angie the way I loved you. I never could've. I never loved anyone the way I love you. Not once in all the times we were together did she ever hold me all night. I never felt safe in her arms the way I feel every night with you. She never rolled her eyes at me, or called me just to say I love you. She never came home early to surprise me for the hell of it or sent me flowers just because. She never bit my neck in that one special spot or ever made me lose my breath by just hearing her name in conversation. We never talked about kids or growing old together. She never told me I was being a big baby or that I was the biggest pain in the ass she had ever met. She never did those things because she wasn't you. She was never as comfortable around me as I am with you. I'm not going to say that I couldn't have had a happy ending. I'm going to say that I can't. Not with anyone but you." 

Nikki kissed my calf and I felt her tears rub off on my smooth skin. Nikki got up to leave but I shot up and grabbed her arm. I hugged her tightly before pulling her into the bed next to me.

I didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. The doubts would never leave, not entirely, but we could work on that. I couldn't leave her. Never again would I be able to live a functional life without her. I needed her like air and water. No one else on the planet ever made me as happy or as frustrated as Nikki did. Her words were all I needed. I had just wanted her to prove that everything she had said was a lie.

We wrapped our arms around each other firmly, refusing to put even an inch between us. Our legs coiled around each other and I held onto her for dear life. Nikki eventually let go of her grip around my body and grabbed my head in her hands. She kissed my tear soaked face, then my hair, then my neck. 

"I love you so much. You don't even know." She said softly as she pulled my head closer to her. I just kept crying and even when I thought I couldn't possibly have any tears left a new batch would fall from my eyes. Right before sleep overpowered us late that night, I remember begging God to help me not to lose her again.

I woke up the next morning with an empty spot next to me in the bed. But there was something I woke up with, a pure feeling of happiness. I scampered off to find Nikki, when I had finished my morning rituals in the bathroom. I found her in the kitchen making breakfast. She was stretching high once more, reaching the dishes from the top shelf. I slipped in behind her undetected and wrapped my arms around her extended waist. She jumped and almost dropped a handful of dishes.

"Jesus!" Nikki exclaimed as she placed both hands on the counter to brace herself. "You scared me half to death."

I laughed softly. I held onto her body with one arm as I used the other to move her hair away from the back of her neck. I placed gentle kisses and bit along the sensitive part of her neck that she had described the night before. I felt Nikki relax and lean heaver into my grip. She moaned her approval.

"Someone is in a good mood today." Nikki said, a bit out of breath. I could only imagine what her face would look like. Her bright blue eyes clamped shut, her teeth biting her bottom lip. 

"A very good mood." I told her huskily in her ear before I took the lobe between my teeth. She leaned even more heavily into me and if it weren't for my body she would've fallen to the ground.

"I'm making breakfast. I thought you would want something to eat. What are you hungry for? There are eggs and bacon and pancakes. Sausage is in the fridge but I can make it in a minute. What would you like to eat?" Nikki asked when she finally stood on her own two feet again. She turned to the stove, with me still pressed behind her, and she busied herself stirring, flipping and mixing the food.

"You." I answered swiftly. Nikki spun around quickly and was now face to face with me, with my arms still tightly around her.

"Are you serious? Please don't tell me this is some sort of mean joke. I have been dying to get you to bed since before you left for work on Friday morning." There was a desperation in Nikki's eyes that made me feel wanted, loved.

"I am absolutely and completely serious. We dealt with things, at least as well as we can for the time being. I love you Nicole Martinez." 

I leaned in and kissed her like I hadn't done since before the fight. I melted my lips to hers and didn't pull away after a mere second. When Nikki realized what I was implying, her fingers were immediately on my face deepening our kiss. My hands sat on the swell of her ass as I pulled her closer to me and her fingers trailed across my neck and cheeks as we kissed. Our tongues glided together doing a familiar, yet recently missed, dance. When we finally pulled apart, I looked at her with a smile and stepped back. As soon as she had free space she turned and moved all the pans off the stove before turning off all the burners.

"No breakfast then?" I asked with a sly smile. Nikki was back in my arms as soon as she had finished with the dishes. 

"There will be breakfast eventually but for now I will be the only one eating anything." Nikki kissed at my chin before running her tongue along my jaw. I laughed again and she repeated her moist assault, this time on my cheek.

I busted out laughing and Nikki looked on in wonder. "I wish you could feel the way I feel about you. If you could see into my heart for just one second then you would never again worry about me leaving you. I have never been with anyone else who licked my cheek for the hell of it." I told her.

"That's because no one loves you like I do." Nikki said confidently before taking another swipe at me with her tongue. 

"Take me to bed, Nikki." I whispered to her. She smiled and took my hand, leading me exactly where I had asked her. 

In the back of my mind I had a brief thought, and when I say brief I mean it was there then it instantly wasn't. I wondered if Nikki and I loved each other too much. If Roxy had been right to be worried so long ago. Sometimes the love I felt for Nikki was great I thought my chest would explode. I would give anything for Nikki, I would give everything. She knew my every accomplishment and every failure. She loved me despite them sometimes even because of them. But like I said, the thought was only fleeting then I returned to reality where a gorgeous brunette, whom I was madly in love with, was leading me to bed. 

Nikki ripped my clothes off of my body before I even had a chance to try to do it myself. When I reached out to help with hers she shook her head slightly and pushed my back softly against the bed. I complied and watched as she slowly and seductively. Her shirt came off first, slowly over her head. She tossed it in my direction and I couldn't help but smile. It smelled like her and it was slightly warm. Next came her shorts. She unbuttoned them painstakingly slow then ran her finger along the zipper before tugging on the metal to free herself from it. The shorts fell to her feet and she stepped out it with one foot and with the other foot she tried to kick the pants to me as well. Unfortunately she missed me entirely and ended up hitting a lamp on one of the night-stands, knocking it over to the ground where it shattered. I fell back into the bed laughing and I instantly felt Nikki lying next to me with her back flat against the mattress. When I looked at her face it was flushed red with embarrassment. 

"I can't believe I did that. I was trying to be sexy but I'm such mess. I just wanted to make it perfect for you. This is the most embarrassing moment of my entire life. " When I looked over at her I noticed her eyes were shut tight, trying to forget what had just happened. I rolled over and placed kisses on her collar bone while I spoke.

"It's not THE most embarrassing moment of your life. There was the time you spilled a strawberry daiquiri all over your white dress pants. It was at my dad's house, remember? It was for the fourth of July." 

"Of course I remember. I had red liquid all over the front of pants. I don't think anyone has forgotten. Your whole family was there." Nikki blushed again and I could feel the warmth on her skin. She turned quickly and burrowed her face into my neck. 

"Then there was the time you tripped at that restaurant I took you to when we were in the Bahamas. I have never seen you so mortified. You took what, something like three tables when you went down?"

"Four tables and a serving cart." Nikki answered as a new way of embarrassment took over her.

"My beautifully clumsy Nikki, I love you so much, baby." I said loving as I licked at her throat. 

"Hey, this is your time. Would you please lie back and just let me enjoy making you enjoy this." Her mouth was against mine in an instant then she abruptly flipped me over so that she was on top of me. Her hands roved against my ribs and hips while she deepened the kiss. Her teeth gently nipped at my lower lip, right where it was cut, and I jumped and gasped in pain. It hurt like hell. She sat back on my hips but I wiggled my way out from under her.

"Are you okay?" She asked nervously. She bit at her thumb impatiently. She was worried; I could see it in her eyes. The blinding pain that had just shot through me made me almost want to cry but instead breathed deeply and tried to relax.

"Uh. Yeah. I'm okay. I actually want to take a shower first. I was carrying luggage and groceries and driving with the top down. I feel gross. Yeah. I would feel much better if I took a shower." I mumbled on like an idiot and I could see her disappoint immediately. Her shoulder slumped forward, her gaze dropped to the bed and she just looked sad.

"Do you want some company?" She asked without looking at me. She knew the answer but she felt the need to ask anyway.

"No, that's alright. I have a feeling that if you join me I won't get much showering done." I tried to lighten the mood but it didn't work.

"Sure thing..." Nikki jumped from the bed and headed back out into the house. 

My mind swarmed with questions. Why hadn't I let her finish? Why didn't I let her join me in the shower? Why didn't I want to sleep with her? Why had I been so abrupt with her? Why couldn't I just get over it? As I thought of these things I decided to actually jump in the shower, I was already naked after all. After a few minutes of warm water, and contemplation, I was ready to return to the world and to Nikki. I wrapped myself in a towel and I found her in the kitchen once again, she was also freshly showered from one of the extra bathrooms with just a towel around her. She was washing some dishes. I sighed as I walked up behind her, like I had before.

"Feeling better?" She asked as she kept on doing the dishes, ignoring my hands around her waist. 

"Much. I just needed a minute to clear my head. Thank you for not getting angry with me." I kissed her neck right under her ear as I spoke. There was no one on the planet as understanding as Nikki. She knew I had just needed a moment to myself. But I know that if the tables were turned, I would've been angry.

"I understand. I was just worried you had changed your mind. Things went downhill pretty fast. I'm glad to see that you are okay. Does your lip hurt very badly? I should've remembered. It was all my fault. Please forgive me..." She began to rant like she always did while nervous but I tightened my hands around her and kissed her neck again.

"It wasn't you, it was me. I just freaked for a sec. I was scared and it was stupid." I kept kissing her as I spoke but she didn't seem very interested in me. At that moment I was horrified that she was no longer interested in sleeping with me.

"What were you so scared of?" 

I stood up straight, getting my face out of the crook of her neck, but I kept my arms around her. "Honestly, I was scared that you would never trust me the way you once did because of how I left you. I was afraid that you wouldn't love me as much..."

"Don't be stupid." Nikki turned swiftly and looked me dead in the eye. "You made a decision because you thought it was best for me. You put yourself through years of torment because you loved me enough to do that. I don't love you less because of it, I love you more, and I do trust you. I trust you with my life; it's just that I let my stupidity get the better of me. I acted like a jealous teenager instead of talking about it with you like an adult."




Facing My Demons Ch. 03



"I don't care." I said finally. "I'm done worrying about what you did while I was gone. I'm done caring about the fight and I tired of being scared of us. I just want to love you. Nothing else matters." I kissed her as I picked her up a few inches off the ground. She laughed and kissed me back. I was glad we hadn't had sex before my shower. I was glad that I had had a chance to voice my fears; we were stronger because of it.

"So are you finally ready to go to bed?" Nikki wrapped her arms around my neck and licked around my ear.

"Nice and slow?" I asked weakly. The thought of Nikki naked was beginning to turn me on, a lot. 

"Sure baby, if that's what you want, but I actually have a surprise for you." 

"Ooh, what kind of surprise?" I asked excitedly.

"I'll show you when the time comes. For now you're just going to have to let me be in control for a minute." Nikki got an evil glint in her eyes and she practically dragged me to the bed.

We were both only dressed in towels and Nikki got rid of those before we even got into the bedroom. Nikki wrapped her arms around me and pushed me back against the bedroom door. We kissed for what seemed like hours before she kissed and licked her way down to my neck. She sucked and bit until we were able to stumble our way to the bed. 

"I love you so much." Nikki whispered to me as she climbed onto me and began kissing me again. 

"I know, baby . . . " I moaned as she then resumed her work on my neck. She laved my neck while she seductively rolled her hips, rubbing her wet pussy against mine. I was in heaven and my fingers twirled in her hair as she moved to my nipples. I was never tempted to push or control her movements, she knew right where to touch me and for how long. Soon enough her lips were on my clit and she was sucking on it while she rolled her tongue on it. It was one of her many hidden talents. One hand rubbed expertly on my thigh while her other hand played with my pussy. She slipped two fingers into me causing me to gasp.

"Yeah, baby... right there... keep going... don't stop..." I growled, out of breath. I grabbed her shoulders and rubbed the back of her neck to encourage her to continue. Her tongue then began snaking all over my flesh and my orgasm ripped through me immediately. It literally felt like I couldn't breathe and that my soul had left my body. It was one of the strongest orgasms that I had ever had. When I finally came to my senses Nikki was lying next to me, on the left, rubbing my hand slowly. I hadn't even noticed when she had moved. She was kissing at my fingers and I laughed weakly.

"Hi there" Nikki purred in the sexiest voice I had ever heard. 

I smiled. "Hi back at ya." Nikki laughed and kissed my hands once again. It was only then that I noticed a huge ring on my ring finger... of my left hand. My jaw must have dropped because she smiled even wider.

"This was your Christmas surprise. I was going to ask you in a super romantic and sexy way but since you had to ruin your surprise I decided to be fair." Nikki sat up in the bed with my hand still in hers. "I'm in love with you Natalia De Luca and I have been since the first time my lips touched yours, which was about twelve second after I met you..."

I laughed as tears began to fall from my eyes. I had been assigned to Nikki's dorm room in college and when I walked in I thought she was so hot that I kissed her right on the mouth. It was arrogant and childish but it was a great start to our relationship.

"You are all I think about, all the time. I'm always wondering what you're doing and where you are, even if I know. I'm always worried whether or not you're happy and I want to make you happy, forever. I want us to have kids and I want the white picket fences and rocking chairs, I want to retire together. I want us to be together forever no matter what. Tia, I was stupid not to say yes when you asked me the first time. Will you marry me?"

"Are you sure you want this?" I asked as I kissed her wildly. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. "I don't want you to do this because of our fight." 

My tears continued to pour.

"Yes, I'm sure and no, I'm not doing this because of our fight. I was going to do this closer to Christmas and I guess that's why I got so mad when I thought that... I love you, Tia, and I want you forever. In sickness and health and in good times and bad. I want it all and I want it with you." Nikki looked in my eyes and waited for my answer.

What could I say but yes? We did very little sleeping that night. We made love, cried, then made love some more. By the end of that night we both knew we would never doubt each other again. I had faced my demons and I had conquered them. No it was time for me to live happily ever after with the love of my life.