7 comments/ 21747 views/ 25 favorites Dying to Come Out By: les_sammy_0211 I would like to thank everyone for their comments and feedback from the last series. If you've read that series, you know a little about me. I am happy now and I hope that you all continue to read my work. As always feel free to leave comments and send me feedback. Good reading to all of you. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ You know, all my life I've known who I was, but the rest of the world doesn't. I mean, they clearly know who I am being one of the most famous novelist to spring up in the last half decade, but they had no clue who I truly was. Not even my family and I was content to live my life this way, or at least I thought I was. From the moment I met her, I knew that my life was going to change, I just never knew how far I'd have to venture out of my hole to be with her. No matter how far I had to, I knew it would be worth it in the end ... Or I was seriously hoping that it would. I guess I should start at the beginning. My name is Samantha Richards, but everyone who has ever known me, just call me Sammie. I found my passion in writing when I was very young and I never had to worry about anything else, because nothing ever seemed to matter. At the tender age of 25, I've become a very famous for it, but I always felt something, no, make that someone, was missing in my life. I was away on vacation in Florida, well, it was supposed to be vacation, but I can't seem to stop writing long enough to actually relax. Anyway, I was sitting on the balcony of my suite when I looked down and saw the most amazingly beautiful woman. I knew that I was a lesbian, but I had never even experimented with a girl, not even in college. I'd simply always been single, my parents worried I'd spend the rest of my life that way because I'd never brought anyone home or had a serious boyfriend, but as I sat there gazing at this woman, everything within me reacted. Sure, I've been strongly attracted to a number of women over the years, but not one of them made me want them like this woman did, and I'd never even met her. Yet. I stood up and looked down as she seemed to be getting comfortable on the lounge chair. My feet carried me to the elevator before my mind even registered the move. I knew I had to figure out what to say before I got to her. I was just thinking that I'd ask her name, maybe go out for an early dinner, but before I could really solidify anything, I was standing in front of her. I looked down and I was left breathless a second time. She pulled the sunglasses off and looked up at me, then smiled. "Hello?" She asked clearly caught between confusion and amusement. I looked at her, my mouth hanging ajar. She stood and my gaze followed as she did. Then, again, she said, "Hello? Is something wrong?" "Um ..." That was all I seemed to be able to say. "Are you alright?" She asked clearly concerned now. "Um ... Yes, I'm alright and no, there is nothing wrong." I finally managed to say. "Ah! So you can actually speak." She chuckled and continued, "Well, I'm glad. Can I help with something?" "Yes. I ... I was wondering if, um, if you wanted to go to dinner with me tonight?" I asked as my hands fidgeted like they always did when I was extremely nervous. "Um ..." She seemed to be the one at a loss for words, so I added, "You don't have to if you don't want to. I mean, you don't even know me. You might not want to go out with a complete stranger. You know what, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come down here. I shouldn't have bothered you. I'll let you go back to relaxing. If you'll excuse me." I turned and was about to walk away when I felt small fingers wrapping around my wrist. I looked back at her and she said, "Wait! Do you even want to know my answer?" I was more than shocked and just nodded my head. She chuckled lightly again and then said, "I'd love to have dinner with you. My name is Victoria." She released my wrist and extended the same hand. I shook it and said, "That's wonderful. I'm Sammie. I'm usually more talkative, well, not much more, but a little more talkative, but when I saw you, I had to come over and ask you to dinner, but seeing your amazing eyes, I seem to have been struck silent." She chuckled again and said, "Well, I'm glad you finally asked. I saw you on the balcony, but I had no way of knowing you were interested, the way you were looking gave me a hint, by the way." She laughed again and then said, "You know, you are really quite beautiful." She then proceeded to look over my 5'9" stature. Her remarkable blue-violet eyes locked on my hazel ones. She smiled and I reciprocated. Her eyes seemed to take in my outfit as if trying to figure out what was underneath. My black t-shirt with a blue, black and white vest left everything to the imagination outside of my muslced arms. Her eyes traveled lower to my khaki slacks and then stopped at my black and white Jordans. She looked back at me and smiled, "You know, I used to have a pair just like that." I didn't respond. I just looked at her trying to figure out if she'd just insulted or complimented me. We stood there for several minutes just staring at one another. The vibration at my waist pulled me back to reality. I grabbed my iPhone and saw that it was from my publisher. I answered and told her to hold a second, looking back at Victoria, I said, "I'm sorry. I have to take this. Give me a call later on and we'll make the dinner plans, okay?" I reached into my wallet and handed her one of my business cards. Not waiting for her to more than nod, I left to see what Carol, my publisher, wanted. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Around 8, I searched through my clothes looking for something to wear on my date. I had half an hour before I was meeting Victoria in the lobby to go out for Italian. Thinking of the restaurant and my company, I chose a pair of black slacks, a tan Italian button-up, a pair of all black Jordans, and a black blazer. I combed my jet black hair straight back, and made sure I had remembered to go to the ATM. Having everything I needed, I walked down to the lobby and waited for Victoria. At exactly 8:30, she stepped off the elevator and walked towards me. "Hi." Victoria said. "Hello. You look beautiful." I said and even though the words were already out of my mouth, I blushed. She chuckled. After looking me over said, "You know, you have a very unique style. I'm going to just go out and ask this. How old are you?" I wasn't expecting her to say that, but immediately answered, "25, why?" "I was just making sure you were over the age of 18. You come off very mature, but you seem to live in sneakers. I googled you from the information I got off your business card." "Oh? Um ... Why? You could've asked me anything you wanted to know." "Well, I could've, yes, but I wanted to see what the rest of the world thought of you." "Um ... Alright. I'm not really interested in what the rest of the world thinks of me, but I hope you found everything you were looking for." "Actually, no. There wasn't much about you other than the fact that you are quite famous for your writing, you grew up in Ireland and both of your parents went to Yale, while you chose to go to Harvard." "Wow. Well, I've never had the desire to google myself, but I would've thought there was more than that." "Disappointed?" "No. Quite the opposite. Would you like to go to dinner now?" "Yes, I'm actually really hungry." I held out my arm and she looped hers through it. Outside, we had a taxi waiting for us. We went to the restaurant and had an incredible meal. Afterwards, clearly neither of us were ready to call it a night so we went for a walk on the beach. Victoria looked over at me as I looked out at the water. I knew she was staring, but I had never really been on a date with a woman so I wasn't sure just what to do or say. Almost as if she was reading my mind, she said, "Just relax. I wont bite you. I just want to get to know you. Nothing more, nothing less, if that's how you would prefer it." I looked over at her and smiled. She smiled back. I turned back towards the water and asked, "So what is it you'd like to know that I haven't already shared?" "Well ..." She began and then looked down almost as if the question scared her. "You can ask me anything. I'm a very honest person. If there is something you want to know, just ask and I'll tell you the truth." I said as I used my finger to lift her chin to look at me. "Um ... You've never been out with a girl, have you?" I was surprised she'd picked up on that and laughed. I laughed so hard I was in tears. Catching my breath, I said, "No. I've been a lesbian all my life, mind you, but I've never actually just taken the plunge to try and actually be with another woman. I mean, I've had offers, but I never felt the connection. That is until you." She looked at me. Her arms came around my neck and I put my arms around her waist. We stood there just gazing at each other. "You know, typically, this is where the two women would kiss, if they felt so inclined." She said to me in barely a whisper. "And are you? Inclined?" I said as I pressed our bodies closer together. "Yes. Very much so." She answered not increasing her volume. Had I not been right in front of her, I'd have sworn that she said nothing at all. Both of our faces tipped and our lips connected. They fit perfectly was the thought I had. Her arms moved tighter around my neck and the kiss deepened. We made out for awhile until the need for air became too overwhelming and we back off. "Wow!" Victoria said as her eyes just began to open. I wasn't really sure what her reaction meant. I'd never kissed another woman, so I had no idea if it was as desirable for her as it was for me. Again, like she could read every thought in my head, she said, "You are quite good at that. I'm not sure what I expected, but you blew past it." I blushed again, then said, "Well, I just kind of went with how I felt and put everything into the kiss. I've never felt that way before though so I'm still trying to process it myself." She chuckled lightly and moved her hands to my waist. Clearly there was something in the way she was looking at me that I didn't understand, because she said, "You don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with. I really enjoy spending time with you and I'd like it if we could spent more time together." "Um ... I'm comfortable, just uncertain of my next move. I'd like to spend more time with you too, but unfortunately, my vacation is being cut short. Like really short. I'm checking out tomorrow afternoon." I said. "Wow. Um, well, where do you live on a regular basis?" She asked, clearly disappointed with the idea of my departure. "I typically live in New York." I said as I began to put space between us. I wasn't sure why, but I felt that I should. I let go of her waist and turned to look at the ocean. Victoria came up behind me and placed her hands on the small of my back, rubbing in small circles. I wasn't sure if she were trying to calm me or herself, but she said, "I live in New Jersey. It's not that bad a distance." I turned unsure if I'd heard her correctly, "You want to see me when you get back home?" I asked. "Yes, of course I do. I really feel a connection to you, Sammie. I see no reason why we shouldn't try to figure out what it is that's between us. Unless you have an objection." "NO! I mean, of course I don't. It's just ... Well, my life there isn't exactly normal. I'm not in a 9 to 5 career as you can imagine. I spend great deals of time secluded because I can't really write any other way. Then there's the book tours and all the fans. I don't hide from them, so they're always around once I'm recognized." "Well, I have no issue with that. I've read many of your books and didn't even realize it was you. You have such a small picture in each of your books, that I never really made the connection. I understand you have a process and I'll try my best not to invade your world more than you want, but I'm not going to walk away either." "I'm not asking you to, Victoria. I'm just trying to give you the chance to now before I open myself up to you." "I'm right here. Until something happens were I'm not or you no longer want me to be. Which ever comes first or never." I wrapped my arms around her and just hugged her for awhile. We stayed out for another half hour or so before we both admitted that sleep was more than bound to hit us. Walking her back to her room, I kissed her good night and said my goodbyes. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The next day, we had brunch together and talked about each other more. "Well, I own a event coordination business. I thought back yesterday after we met and I actually worked with one of your assistants for your 24th birthday party. I'm sure you don't remember me, as I recall, you were involved with some man at the time. Or you seemed very cozy with him, at the least." Victoria replied to my question about what she did in New Jersey. I blushed feriously as I recalled exactly whom she was referring to. Caleb Fields, the broadway actor my parents had set me up with. See, I knew I was a lesbian, but very few people in my world do and those who know only know because I told them one night while I was extremely drunk. Anyway, Caleb and I had been an item until I found out he was also a member of the pride parade. I.e. He was gay and I walked in on him getting his ass rammed by some 6 foot Adonis looking god and thus our relationship only continued to keep of appearences. Victoria cleared her throat bringing me out of the flashback to one of the many sad facts of my life. "Um ... Yeah, sorry about that." I said as I looked down. "Sorry for what exactly? The man, drifting off just now or not remembering me?" She asked. "All of the above actually." I said looking back at her. "Don't be. For one, we didn't know each other back then. Second, you didn't hire me so I had no interaction with you and as such could not expect you to remember. Lastly, it's none of my business who you see. You can date men if that's your choice. I certainly wont judge you for it." Victoria said as her hand covered mine. I smiled and said, "That's just the thing. I don't date men. I mean, I do, but not because I want to. I feel nothing towards them and other than a few horrible instances that happened in college, I don't sleep with them. Just ... Well, not many people know that I'm ..." "A lesbian?" She said for me. "Yes. A lesbian. People don't know. People who work for me, people who admire me. My family, even those I consider close friends don't know." I said as I slid my hand from under hers and put them both in my lap. The look on her face told me that she was surprised, but my actions. "I ... You're in the closet to everyone?" Victoria finally said. "Yes, I am. This is what I was trying to explain to you. Look .. " I broke off as my phone vibrated. It was the front desk informing me that I had an hour to get to the airport. I sighed and then looked back at her and said, "Look, I have to go. I don't expect you to be okay trying to start a relationship with someone that's as far in the closet as I am, but I guess you have a decision to make. I can't tell you when I'll come out, but what I do know is that I like you. That might be enough and if it's not I guess this is goodbye." I stood up, paid for our meal and walked away. I made it back to my room without any sort of emotion showing, but once I was away from Victoria, I felt that a big part of who I wanted to be was left sitting at the table in the restaurant downstairs and I didn't know if I'd get it back. Shaking the thought off, I packed my bags and headed for checkout. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ An hour later, I was seated in first class with my laptop in front of me once again writing. I had to do something to get my mind of Victoria and writing was the only way I knew how to completely ignore the world. A few hours later, I landed at JFK. My normal driver was there to meet me. He took me home where I got an hour of sleep before I was awoken by my phone ringing. "Hello?" I said with my head still under the pillow, but I hit speaker button so I wouldn't have to put the phone to my ear. "Where the hell are you?" The voice screamed at me. "Well, hello to you too, Carol. Me? Oh, I'm fine. The flight back early was quiet and I was able to knock out another three chapters for the new book." "Yeah, yeah. I told you that we had a meeting today and you just never showed up. So again I ask, where the hell are you?" My publisher said as her voice dropped considerably. "Me? I'm at home. In my bed just minding my own business trying to get some much needed sleep after a lousy couple of days on vacation." "Well, you need to pull yourself together, Sammie and get here now. We need to go over the itinerary. Your book reading tour starts tomorrow and you haven't a clue where you're going." "Fine. I'll be there in no more than 45 minutes, okay?" "Okay." Carol ended the call and I rolled out of bed and got dressed. Half an hour later, I was walking into Carol's office. I sat across from her while she finished her call. She handed me a paper and it was the itinerary for the book tour. I was pleased with the various places that had requested me for the book reading and then I saw one that I dreaded. I was heading to New Jersey in two days. Normally, I wouldn't care, but I had no clue if Victoria was back and I knew from past tours that my appearance would be broadcasted in just about every media form. "What's wrong?" Carol said as she looked at me once her call was done. "Nothing. It's nothing. Um ... Is there anything else we need to discuss other than this?" I asked as I held up the itinerary. "No. That's really it. Just wanted to talk to you about when you thought the new book would be done." Carol said with the concerned look still plastered on her face. "I'm fine, really. Stop looking at me like that. As for the new book, that depends on how much time I can fit in writing in this schedule." I said again motioning to the itinerary. "Alright. I'll just make sure you get your space when you aren't really needed over the next couple of weeks." Carol said and trying to relax her face as she saw whatever was on my mind, I didn't want to talk about. "Thanks. I only have a couple chapters left unless something hits me and I add a twist." I said as I started to get up. "Great. Sammie ... You know that you can talk to me about whatever you want. I mean, yes, we've maintained a pretty professional only relationship, but my job is to not only make sure your books sell, but that you're alright." Carol said looking me dead in the eye. "I appreciate that, but I'm okay keeping our relationship as is. If at any point that changes, I'll let you know." With nothing more than a nod from her, I walked out. I had to get home and pack. The next couple weeks would be hectic, but deep down I loved the craziness. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Two weeks later, I was in Washington, D.C. at Barnes & Nobles. I had about five minute before I'd go up and do the Q and A part of the tour. I always got mostly the same questions, but I loved being able to answer my fans directly. Taking my seat at the chair on the small stage, I talked briefly with the fans already seated. A couple minutes later, Carol came on stage and announced that the Q & A would begin. I started taking questions, most were about the upcoming book, a few were on my inspiration behind such a dramatic mystery series, but one question caught my attention. A woman in nearly the back stood up and asked, "What would you say to one of your fans if they said that they had the best time out with you and were sorry you left so upset before they had the opportunity to apologize?" Dying to Come Out Ch. 02 Hey all. Thanks for the positive feedback so far on all of my stories. I do take the time to read your comments and I'm thrilled that you all like them so far. Keep letting me know what you think and I'll keep writing. Good reading to all of you. S.J. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Victoria Trying to start over when you're in love with someone is very difficult. You never know who you'll meet, but Sammie came completely out of nowhere. I hadn't even known her very long, but the sheer fact that she took an interest in me, was enough to send me completely over the moon for her. I'm a 23 year old, small business owner. I never expected to meet a woman who was so sure and yet so unsure of herself. Ugh! I really just need to get over her. Packing up my apartment was harder than I ever expected, but the sooner I get away, the sooner I can get over her. Just as I was beginning to shake off my thoughts, my phone rang. "Hello?" I said. "Yes, this is Victoria Hastening." I said to the nurse from St. Christopher's. "She's where?! Why didn't you call her parents?!" I began to worry when the nurse told me about Sammie. I had no clue why she was calling me about this, but I couldn't just leave her there alone. "Fine. I'll be right there. Thank you. Bye." I hung up and raced down to my car. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I arrived at the hospital and I raced over to the nurses station. "Hello. Someone called me about Samantha Richards." I said to the young nurse. "Yes. I was the one who called you. Your name was the one thing she said before she was unconscious again." The nurse said. "Well, have you called her family? Her publisher?" "No. We can't get into her cellphone and she had no I.D. on her body. Luckily, one of the nurses is a big fan and we were able to identify her ourselves, but I was hoping you'd know how to get in contact with her family." "Hmm ... I can try." "Thank you, Ms. Hastening." "No problem. If you'll excuse me for a moment." I walked away and immediately began to search through my phone for the number to Kourtney. I remember her from the party. After calling her and informing her of what happened, she said she'd call Sammie's parents and Carol. I thanked her and told her I'd stay at the hospital until someone else showed up. Almost an hour later, Sammie's parents showed up. I immediately felt that I shouldn't be here. I began to walk towards the exit when her mother stopped me. "Your name is Victoria, right?" Sammie's mother said. "Um ... Yes. Yes, it is." I said as I looked down at the floor. "I'm Stephanie. Stephanie Richards. And this is my husband Thomas." She said and extended her hand. I looked at it for a moment then shook it. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Both of you." "I saw you with Samantha at her birthday." "Yes. I remember. You left out of the kitchen very upset. That really upset Sammi .. Samantha." "I'm sorry for my reaction. We're Irish Catholic. It wasn't something I ever expected to see. After talking to Carol and Thomas, I went to look for her, but she'd already left. I, then, went looking for you, but you were also gone." "Yes, I, um ... Figured it would be better if I left. I never wanted to come in between your family. That's why I told her I was leaving even though ..." "Yes, dear? Even though what?" "Um ... Even though I'm in love with her." "You ... She never told me she was involved with someone." "We weren't. Involved, I mean. We went out on one date and I told her that I couldn't be with her because she refused to tell any of you." "Did she tell you why? Why she didn't want to tell us?" "The only way I can explain it is this ... Being gay makes you feel different than everybody else. Like there's something wrong with you. I know that Samantha felt that she's accepted who she was, but she thought that if she told you, any of you, you'd hate her or something." Her parents both had tears in their eyes. They embraced each other. I continued to walk away. I made it to the elevator before I heard someone speak to me. "I believe that you did the right thing telling them. I don't think you should leave though." I turned and saw Sammie's publisher, Carol. "Why don't you?" I asked as I turned to look at her. "Because she knows that she loves you now. I think she'd want you here more than anyone else." "Are you okay with that? That she's gay and loves me." Carol laughed and then came closer to me and said, "I've been a lesbian since college. No one knows because I never wanted them to. It's just me and I don't have to worry about the same things Sammie does, but I've known she was gay since the day I agreed to take a meeting with her and she not so subtlety checked me out." Carol laughed again as she saw my mouth drop. She put her arm over my shoulder and said, "It's perfectly fine with me because I always want her to be who she is. I don't care if she's gay or straight, Sammie is an excellent writer and an incredible person, that's all I need to know." I hugged Carol and then walked over to where her parents were. The doctor had just came over to talk to them. "Hi, I'm Dr. Eric Sharpe. Are you Ms. Richards' immediate family?" The doctor said. "We are, yes." Stephanie answered and looked at me. "All of you?" Dr. Sharpe asked. "Yes. All of us." Stephanie said. "Very well. Ms. Richards was hit by a truck. She has been in and out of consciousness ever since until about two hours ago when she slipped into a coma. Her injuries are severe. She sustained serious injuries to her left arm and leg. Each had several fractures to the bone. One of her ribs pierced her left lung and the internal bleeding was critical, but we were able to stabilize her. She's already been through the surgeries for her arm and leg. There is minor swelling to her brain that we are monitoring, but we believe that when she regains consciousness, she'll be just fine." Dr. Sharpe said to us. "So she will make a full recovery?" Thomas asked. "Yes, that is what the test show. If you have any other questions, please feel free to have the nurse contact me. I'll be back shortly to check on her." Dr. Sharpe said. After a few minutes talking to the nurse, Dr. Sharpe left. I was left with the people closest to Sammie and I had no idea what I was doing there. She didn't want me in her life before this happened, why would she want me around now. I had an apartment to finish clearing out and I needed to get away from New England. As I thought the last of that, the elevator doors closed in front of me. That night I finished loading up the U-Haul and stopped to talk to the woman who'd be taking over my old place before I hopped behind the wheel and drove. I was headed to Ohio. I already had my new place being set up and my new business would be up and running by the time I got there. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Three months later ... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Sammie Getting back on my feet had been a mission all on it's on, having to deal with the fact that my family and friends knew I was gay on top of that almost made me wish I was still in that bloody coma. Victoria had vanished. Carol told me about the conversation they had that first night I was in the hospital, and I thought she'd have stuck around for sure, but no. One of the first things I did when I was released was try to find her, but none of the people who knew her would tell me where she was. Although, I was pretty sure at least one of them knew where she was, I was froze out. I decided that I'd find her on my own. Now that I was out, I wanted to be with her. My parents were more than supportive, which shocked me. I still remember the talk my mom & I had. "Samantha, do you love this woman?" My mom said to me after I'd just about given up hope of finding her. "Of course, I do, mom." "Then, sweetheart, you need to use that beautiful mind of yours and figure out where she went on your own." "Mom, how am I going to do that when I don't know where to start?" "Well, what do you know about her?" "I a lot of stuff, but nothing that would point me in the direction I need." "Think about it. Women tend to say little things that when you put together make a big difference." "Well ... She said that as much as she loved New Jersey and New York, she one day wanted to be somewhere that wasn't so crowded, but still had a lot of snow." "Okay. That's something. We know that it has to be a small town or city, but still up north for the snow." " Hmm ... Yeah. She always said how she wanted to go see the Bengals play in their own stadium, like when she was a kid." "Well, Samantha, do you happen to know what city the Bengals are from?" My mom had this smirk on her face that was like a light bulb should be going off in my mind. I surged to my feet and said, "Cincinnati!" My mom patted my hand and said, "Make sure to pack warm, sweetheart. They just got another feet of snowfall last night." My mom was an avid weather watcher. I usually laughed, but I loved it at this moment. My mom and I had that conversation over two weeks ago and I'd been in Cincinnati for a little over a week and still no Victoria. I was getting down about it again when I walked into the little coffee shop in the plaza near my hotel. I was just going to go in and get a mocha cappuccino, when I saw her. Sitting in one of the booths with another woman, they looked happy and engaged in flirtatious conversation. I didn't what to interrupt, but my feet carried to her again, just like the first time I saw her. I stopped near their table and her eyes came up to meet mine. The smile she'd had on her face dropped instantly and she looked like she was seeing my ghost rather than me standing there. "Hi, Victoria." I said before she could say anything. I continued. "Do you think we could talk for a moment? Or maybe tonight whenever you have the time?" She just seemed to look at me and instead of her answering me, the woman she was with spoke, "Oh my God! You're Samantha Richards! The novelist!" Everyone in the coffee shop turned to look at me. Before I could respond, they were all surrounding me talking at the same time. I was trying to get them calm down so I could get a answer from Victoria, but by the time I did, she and her friend were gone. I was extremely sad and a little pissed off, but after signing a hundred or so napkins and t-shirts, I was left in peace. I walked over to the counter and talked to the barista. "Hello." The young man turned to look at me and said, "Hey. You know, I should be thanking you. You just earned me about $200 bucks." "No thanks necessary, but I was hoping you could help me with something." He looked at me for a moment and then said, "Her name is Victoria Hastening. She lives over her event planning business about two blocks north. The woman she was with is her current girlfriend Jesse. If you need any directions, just ask someone on the street to direct you to Sammie's. It's her place and just about everyone around here knows it." I was shocked that he was just giving me the information and then the name of her business hit me and I asked, "I'm sorry? Her business? What's the name?" "Sammie's." He said over his shoulder as he went back to making the order for the woman standing on the other end of the counter. I can't believe she named her business after me. That had to mean something, right? But girlfriend ... She'd moved on. Maybe I should just go home and leave her to her new life. She seemed happy. I didn't want to cause her anymore pain than I caused her in New York. I'd came all this way and I was going to leave empty handed and leaving something behind ... My heart. I made it back to my hotel room by what I could only describe as magic as I was in a daze from the moment I walked out of that coffee shop. I called Carol to tell her what happened and that I'd be coming home in the morning. I wanted to get back to work. Since the accident, I'd put my job on hold, but now I was going to throw myself into it and make it the best distraction from my broken heart, but before I left, there was one thing I needed to do. Around 6, I found myself standing in front of Sammie's. Looking through the glass, I saw that Victoria appeared to be alone and busy, but I couldn't leave without doing this. I walked inside and the door made a little chime sound and Victoria called out, "I'm sorry, but we're closed for the night." As she didn't hear the chime again, she looked up and saw me standing there. She stood and walked over to the little counter. "What do you want, Samantha?" Victoria asked looking into my eyes. "You. But I've learned that's no longer an option, so I just need you to hear me out." I said as I tried to plead her with my eyes. "Fine. Say what you have to say." "Damn. You know, I wasn't expecting a warm welcome, but I was at least hoping that you'd be happy to see me." "I'm happy you're alright. I was worried, but I couldn't stay." "I know and I understand why you left. I'm not here to argue with you. I just want you to know that I'm glad you told me parents what I couldn't. I'm glad you helped me see that they wouldn't hate me. It's actually made us closer. I'm just sorry that I had to lose you in order to gain them. I never really had you even though I wished so hard that I did, but I wont interfere with your life here. You have Jesse and I hope that you will be happy together. Just know that I still love you and even though you moved on, I'm happy for the time I got to spend with you. I'm leaving tonight so this will be the last time you see me. I wont come back and I wont bother you anymore." I turned to walk away when she said, "I named my business after you. Do you really think I've moved on?" I looked back at her and said, "Yes. Having a part of me to remember and moving on with your life aren't the same things. I saw you with Jesse. The ease in which you interacted with her tells me that what we almost had is gone and after you left the coffee shop today, I realized that it is for the best. I have to go now." Before I walked out of the store, I took the little package from my pocket and left it on the counter. I walked outside and got into the car Carol had arranged to take me to the airport. As the car drove away, I looked at the sign baring my name and the woman holding my heart. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Six months later, I was back in Ohio at a party for the premiere of the new action flick starring Dwayne Johnson and Emily Deschanel. I was really excited because this movie was going to be the most talked about film in 2010. I had finally decided to get back in the dating realm and Carol had the perfect person for me to take as my date. I had no idea who it was going to be, just that the woman was a close person friend of hers. Getting into the limo with Carol and her date, Michelle Bonilla. I was awe struck when I saw who was to be my date for the night, Michelle Rodriguez, the woman was my ultimate fantasy and here I was going to spend the entire night with her. I didn't really say much unless one of them talked to me. As happy as I was to be on a date with her, part of my mind traveled to Victoria and how happy I would've been if she was here with me instead. As soon as I had that thought, we were in front of the movie hall, being snapped by the paparazzi. I helped Michelle out of the car and we walked down the red carpet. The further we went, Michelle and I split up to answer questions separately. Halfway through all the pictures and magazine interviews, Michelle and I came back together and it was at that moment that I saw her. After months of distractions, I couldn't run from her anymore. Victoria was a few feet away wrapped in the arms of Jesse. I never figured I'd seem them here. As we approached the entrance to the hall, Jesse spotted me and called me over. Reluctantly, I walked towards her and Victoria with my fingers linked to Michelle's. I smiled at the both of them and said, "Good evening, ladies. Nice to see you two again." Victoria looked like she'd be sick so I figured Michelle and I should get going inside. Nodding to the both of them and taking one more picture, we disappeared through the double doors. Although my smile kept, deep down, I was dying and I didn't know how to shake it. Michelle noticed and said, "That was her, wasn't it?" I looked at her and said, "What? Who?" "The woman with Jesse." "You know Jesse?" Michelle laughed and said, "Every up and coming lesbian in this industry meets and knows Jesse. That's old news. The woman with her though, she looked like she knew you." "She does. We were almost something. I was in the closet, she wasn't. Never got the chance to explore it when everything was out in the open because she was and still is with Jesse. I told her how I felt and walked away. I hurt her more than I ever should have and I want to be happy. She is, so I stayed away." "Hmm ... Sounds like you punked out." I looked at her in surprise and said, "I guess I did, but it's done." "No, sweetie, it's not because here she comes." We both looked over and saw Victoria walking towards me. No Jesse in sight. I was freaking out. I didn't know what to do. "Go & talk to her." Michelle said and then added, "I'll be fine. My partner just walked in anyway." I turned towards the entrance to see a gorgeous blonde in a suit and I had to laugh. Shaking my head, I walked over and meet Victoria. We stood there looking at each other for awhile before she said, "We need to talk." She started walking towards the restroom and I merely followed. Victoria made it there before I did, but when I walked in, she jumped into my arms. Our lips connected and I swear, my heart seemed to actually leap up and lodge itself in my throat. After the initial shock, I wrapped my arms around her while her hand began to move up my thigh and brush my clit. I pulled away and looked at her. This couldn't be happening. To be continued ... Dying to Come Out Ch. 03 Hey all. Sorry about the wait. I know this was long overdue, but with everything going on personally, I didn't have the chance to give the story my full attention so I put it on hold, but here it is. I'd suggest reading the first two parts to either refresh yourselves or if you're new to the series, get the background. The last of this series. I hope you all enjoy it. As always feel free to leave comments, send me feedback and vote. Good reading to you all. S.J. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "We can't just do this. You're girlfriend is at this party and so is my date. If you want to talk, then we can, but I can't just do this. I've finally started to deal with you being with someone else. This isn't fair to me, Victoria." I said as I tried to control my breathing. "But ... It's you I want, Sammie. I'm with her, yes, but I told you. Once you came out I wanted to try and be with you. I never take this thing off because it was you who gave it to me." She answered as she pulled the necklace I'd given her six months ago. "Wow." Was all I could say as I took a step closer to her. My hand wrapping around the Irish charm at the end of the chain. "Jesse and I haven't been the same since you came here last time. I know why and she knows why. We just haven't ended what we have yet." "Well, Victoria, when you do that we can talk about us, but we live in two different states now. I'm busier than ever and a long distance relationship isn't exactly something I've ever wanted to do." "Sammie ... You have to give us a chance. Or ... Have your feelings for me changed, is that it?" "What?! No! I feel the same about you. I just think that if two people want to be together, they should be together as much as they want. I get that your business is here now, but I just think we need to be absolutely clear before we discuss anything further." Before Victoria could respond, Jesse walked into the bathroom. She looked from Victoria to me and back, then said, "I was wondering where you disappeared to. Now I guess I know. Causing more trouble, Samantha?" "Me?! What?! I didn't do anything to cause trouble." "Oh, yes you did. You came back here six months ago and changed my entire relationship. Well, I won't let her go just because you've decided that you aren't hiding anymore. Victoria belongs to me. I won't let you have her. Now or ever!" Jesse said as she stood directly in front of me. I held my hands up in surrender. I didn't want any trouble with this woman. I'm a novelist, not a fighter. "Well, I see you too have a lot to talk about. I don't think Victoria belongs to anyone and whichever one of us she wants to be with, is her decision." I said to Jesse. Turning to Victoria, I said, "You have my number, sweetie. It hasn't changed. Let me one way or the other. It's your choice." With that, I walked out of the restroom and back over to my date. "Everything okay?" Michelle asked. I just nodded my head. The rest of the night went by uneventfully, for me anyway. I saw Jesse storming out of the restroom and out the entrance. Shortly after I saw Victoria leave as well. Two days later, I got a text from Victoria telling her that she was single. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ It had been a week since everything unfolded in Cincinnati and I was still unsure as to what that meant for my life. Victoria was single and still in her new city. I was back to work and about to go on another book tour to promote my latest novel. Everything had been left so unsaid and it was driving me crazy. I'm 26 years old, my net worth alone should guarantee that I'm satisfied. Combine that with my inheritance and I should have women all over me like all the other debutantes or playboy in New York, but nothing. I can't even properly begin a relationship with the one woman I love with all of me and who I knows love me. I'm hopeless. And no real clue where to begin to get things resolved. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Victoria I sat across from Carol because aside from the assistant who always planned Sammie's birthday, I knew no one I could turn to and openly talk with. "Carol. Thank you so much for seeing me on such short notice." I said as I made me way through the large office towards the blonde woman sitting behind the huge next. "It's fine. When the woman personally responsible for putting my best writer's life in complete upheaval asks to see me, I make the time." I blushed at her works and she laughed before continuing, "It's fine with me, I enjoy Sammie being so off game because at least I know she's still trying to deal with things, but when are you going to put her out of her misery. One way or the other?" "That's why I'm here, Carol. I've been trying to settle things back in Cincinnati so that I could come back and deal with all of this at least for right now. I just need some help because Sammie can have anyone and she's so inexperienced with all of this that I don't know what to push her on and what to leave alone." "Just be honest with her. Sammie values honesty. If that's what you do, then everything will be fine with her." I sat and thought about her words. I remember the night on the beach with her and she said almost the same thing. I smiled as I remembered how beautiful she looked that night. "Thanks, Carol. Don't tell her I'm here, okay? I just need to figure out a few more things and then I'll get in touch with her." "You got it, sweetie, just don't wait too long, okay? As strong as she is, this last week has felt like months to her all over again." "I won't. Thank you." All Carol did was nod her head as I got up to leave. I really wanted everything to be perfect before I got in touch with Sammie. I had to do this right. I wanted her in my life. Now and always. No more of the games or drama, but we'd only been on one date and I had to be realistic about the likelihood of me getting exactly what I wanted. As I made it down to the ground floor, I already had my plan made. All that was left was the execution. I believed in fate and in love at first sight. Sammie had been both for me and I wouldn't lose her again. I got into a taxi and headed towards Tiffany's. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Sammie I'd secluded myself into my writing. I was working on a book of poetry, which was something I hadn't put out since I was a free agent at university, but with all the changes going on with me on an emotional level, I decided that it was a good place to start letting go of it all. I checked my phone twice a day. When I woke up and before I woke up. I hadn't had a conversation with anyone in days. I knew it couldn't last long because I was only vacation for another week and then I'd be back to work with full force. I was actually looking forward to it. The free time was good for my writing, but hell on my mental state. Carol had called to invite me to dinner later that night, and hadn't really left room for me to say no, so I was going to have to go. At around 4, I started to get ready. Unfortunately, it was one of those publicity things so I had to actually dress like I was alive and not just breathing with a pulse. I stood in front of my closet and decided to go with a safe outfit. I didn't know where I was going since Carol insisted on sending the car rather than have me drive. I pulled out a pair of black slacks and a white Italian button up. I grabbed my black and white Jordans and light black sports coat. I was ready to go as soon as I finished showering. The ends of my hair had began their leisurely curl and rather than use the flat iron, I combed my hair back, and let the ends hang from my shoulders and down my back. I made a mental note to have my hair cut soon before it got too long. As soon as I'd finished getting dressed, there was a knock at the door. I made my way downstairs ready to go and was shocked when I didn't find my car waiting, but Victoria. She smiled as she took me in. I couldn't help but do the same. I thought she'd just call me to tell me that she needed time to think or that I wasn't what she looking for right now. Never did I expect to see her so soon and just like before, it was like she could read my mind. "You really didn't think I was going to leave things the way they were, did you, Sammie?" "Um ... I wasn't sure. I clearly hoped not, but I didn't know what you were thinking and I just couldn't bring myself to call you." "Or pick up I see. I called you a few days ago and received no answer." "Oh. I'm sorry. I haven't really been in a talkative mood. I've been writing so ..." "Ah!" She cut me off before I could continue and said, "I completely understand then. No further explanation." She smiled at me and I realized we were still standing at my front door. "Um, do you want to come in? I'm waiting for my car to go this promotional thing, but we can talk until it gets here." "It won't be." "Excuse me?" "Your car. It's not coming. Carol and I devised this little rouse in order to get you out. She told me that she hadn't seen you since you got back, so I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone." "Want to explain what you get out of it then?" "I will once you get in the car and we get to our first stop." As I locked the door and turned towards the car, it registered that she said first stop. "What do you mean first stop? How many are we going to make?" "Oh, just two. The first for me and the second for Carol. Now get in the car, Sammie." I got into the passenger seat and waited for her to get into the driver's seat. We took off and for awhile it was just silence. Finally I'd had enough and wanted some answers. So I said, "Where are we going, Victoria?" "We're going to go somewhere special and talk about us. Then we're heading over to Mario's for dinner with Carol and her new girlfriend." "Girlfriend? Who is Carol dating?" "You'll find out." I left it alone, kinda upset that I had missed out on something that big in Carol's life. She was a notorious bachelorette so the concept of her settling for one girl, and finding one worth her effort was a huge step. Another 20 minutes and we pulled up in front of a secluded park. It looked very extensive, but exclusive. "Is this where we're having our talk?" "Yes" With that, Victoria got out of the car. I followed her over to a bench and sat next to her. She seemed to be thinking about something. I didn't want to disturb her, but the not knowing was starting to kill me. Just as I started to speak, so did she. "I was told to be honest with you and that everything would work out, so that what I'm going to do. Here is it ... I love you, Samantha. I love that you have such a unique sense of style and the fact that no matter what you try to do what's right for those you love even if you'd like otherwise. I think of you when I first wake in the morning and yearn for you to be there. Every part of my day is filled with you and how you'd probably laugh if you were with me and I did this or that. I can picture sitting with you at the dinner table going over things that happened in both of our days. I can also see myself with you while you go on tour to promote one of your amazing books or to sign them or just to talk to your fans because it's what you love to do. I imagine you being in that secluded place and me cooking waiting until you can't see straight and decide to come out. I love you. I love everything I know about you and I'm thrilled to learn everything I don't, but I want to be with you when I do. I want all of you. I wanted you yesterday. I want you today. I'm going to ant you tomorrow, next week, next month, next year and every year after that. We had a great start and I know the journey since hasn't been the easiest, but I'm going to make this very clear. I won't stop trying until I know you no longer love me. So right here, in the park my father designed, I'm asking you, Samantha Richards to marry me." As she said the last part, she knelled down in front of me and pulled a little blue box out of her pocket. I was shocked. Out of every scenario that had played in my mind, this was not even on the list. She had this goofy smile on her face and I did what I wanted to do in that moment. With a hand on her cheek, I pulled her up until our lips touched. I'd missed her so much. It seemed like every time I was getting around the idea that I wasn't going to have her, she showed up and let me know that a relationship with is exactly what she wanted. Now she was asking to make that relationship permanent and I still hadn't answered. I broke the kiss and she smiled before saying, "Please tell me I can take that as a yes." I laughed and said, "Marriage to me is a lifetime thing. If we have problems we work them out between us, not jump to the divorce option. I love you and trust me, I'd love to have everything you said and more, but we've been through a lot. I don't doubt my love for you or yours for me, but are you absolutely sure you want to marry me? I can be very hectic and distant when I have too much on my mind." "This is you giving me an out before you open yourself up to me again?" "Precisely." "Well, then like I told you almost a year ago. I'm right here. Until something happens were I'm not or you no longer want me to be. Which ever comes first or never." "Then yes, I will marry you." She gave me that goofy smile and kissed me. As we got more into it, I stood up bringing her with me. I don't know how long it lasted, but I know I was will to risk never breathing again to keep it going. All my doubting and the woman I love had proposed. I was more than ready to ensure that I would never be without her. The only thing that I could think of was that dealing with my mom and Carol trying to plan my wedding would be murderous. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Epilogue: Almost two years and two books later, I was standing at the doorway with my arm looped through my father's about to walk down the aisle at my wedding. I laughed as I looked over at my dad because he still couldn't believe I had refused to wear the traditional dress instead of my tailor made suit. The band began to play the wedding march and we proceeded to the alter. As I took my place next to my "best man" Tash, I looked back towards the door as the woman I love began her walk towards me. The smile on her face told me that she was truly happy the day was here. Her father placed her hand in one of mine and shook the other. He couldn't be more proud. We turned to face each other and I felt everything else fall away. The only things I remember from the ceremony was the priest saying, "Dearly beloved...", me saying reciting my vows and then Victoria and I saying "I do." When I kissed her for the first time as my wife, I felt the complete nervousness I'd felt the first time I ever saw her, but this time I didn't have to worry about speaking. We got through the reception with as few issues as possible, my friends being hammered around both our parents was a little unnerving, but hilarious. We honeymooned at my house in Ireland. It was beautiful and secluded which was great because we still couldn't get enough of each other. As soon as I dropped the last bag in our bedroom, Victoria had my back pressed against the wall and her mouth crushed down on mine. I matched her all the passion every inch of the way. Her hands were almost automatically under my shirt and pushing it until I got the hint to take it off. I pushed her back enough to unbutton her pants and begin to push them off. As we moved towards the bed, they came completely off. Before we collapsed into bed, I stopped to take off my pants and she removed her blouse and bra. I had wanted to get my hands on her ever since she said I do and I was about to get all that energy out. I kissed her before beginning my journey down her body. I used my fingertips to circle around her areola, never getting too close to her hardened nipples until she was panting and then I just lightly brushed over them. She groaned in frustration and then grabbed my hands and put them on her inflamed nipples. I pinched each one and she moaned. I knew she loved to have her breasts played with roughly and attacked her left with my mouth while I mercilessly tweaked the right nipple. Her breathing shallowed. I'd made her come from just simulating her nipples. Tonight I'd bring her close to that edge and then back away from it until she was begging for me to make her come. I moved over to her right orb and began the same treatment. When I could feel her muscles tightening, I stopped and began to move down her body again. She groaned and said, "That was completely uncalled for, babe. If you weren't gonna let me have, you shouldn't tease me." I laughed and said, "That's exactly why I did it. I'm going to bring to the brink and back off as many times as I can before you're begging to come." "Is that a challenge, Mrs. Richards?" "It sure is, Mrs. Richards. I can tell from the look in your eyes that it won't be long." "We'll see." "Oh, yes, we will." I said the last sentence right before I latched my lips onto her clit. "Mmmm.... Fuck! Not fair, Sam!" I laughed as my tongue began to do circles around her pearl. The vibrations that shot through her only added to her pleasure. My fingers danced along her labia so that they could get coated in her juices. I slid them down to slowly rim her puckered hole. It was a personal favorite of hers and the pulsing I felt against my chin told me she was at the edge again. I moved my hands up to her breasts while I moved to kiss her inner thighs while she calmed down a bit. "Fuck, baby! Come on! It's our honeymoon. Are you really going to torture me?" I looked up at her and she had a pout on her face. I could tell by the way her eyes were so dazed that she was ready to explode. "Yes. Yes, I am. The fact that it's our honeymoon is essentially why I'm doing it.' "What? Baby... Mmmmm." She trailed off as I licked her cunt. With the tip of my tongue I moved from her puckered hole to her clit. It took several minutes for her to ask her question. "Would like to explain why?" I stopped as if thinking about her question, when I knew I wasn't going to answer. Not now, anyway, and I told her as much. "Once you come, I'll answer that." I could see she was about to say something else, but before she could, I grabbed her clit between my teeth and began to apply pressure lightly while I pushed the two fingers coated in her juices deep into her pussy. Sawing them in and out at such a pace that had she have the strength to look down, they would've been blurred. I squeezed her g-spot in between the two finger every once in awhile. "OH FUCK!!! BABY!! Please! Mmmm... Oh god!" It was close, but not what I wanted her to say so instead I let go of her clit and slowed the pace of my fingers so that they were barely moving in and out, but rather massaging her ridged walls. "Damn it, Sam! What do you want me to say? I'm begging you, okay? You win. Please, baby, let me come. I need to come, sweetheart, please." She'd said what I wanted to hear. Victoria, over the last few years, hated to let me win when it came to our games. Tonight, I wanted her to know that I could make her give in. "Alright, baby." I said to her. "You can come." "Thank y..." was all she got out as I sucked her clit back into my mouth and pressed against her g-spot. I used my teeth the way I know she loved and pushed two of the coated fingers from my other hand into her ass. The scream that left her was long over due. As she screamed my name, her cunt gushed with all of the girl come that had been building. I'm sure she had more than one orgasm, but the intensity of them caused her to pass out. She had yet to do that and I was glad it happened tonight. When she came to 10 minutes later, she was so silent that I didn't know what was in her head, but she finally said, "I'm going to get you back for that." Dying to Come Out Ch. 03 I laughed and said, "Sure you are, honey." "Is that why you did this? To make me want to give it to you twice as worse?" "As if you could. I can take a lot more than you know." Victoria looked at me as I kissed her snarled mouth and said, "Is that so?" "Yes. Yes, it is. Care to prove me wrong?" I laughed at the glare she shot me. If looks could kill ... Well, I'd have been severely wounded. The End. Dying to Come Out The voice became instantly familiar to my ears and my mouth hung open for a moment. Carol rushed over to see if I was okay, I raised my hand to stop her. She was about to end the Q & A portion when I stood up and said, "Victoria?" The woman left her row to stand in the empty aisle and I saw that it was indeed Victoria. My mind had drifted towards her often over the past two weeks, but I always caught myself before I could go to deep into thought and now here she was at my book reading asking me a question I really didn't expect to hear. "Um ... I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, but if you'd give me just a moment, I'll be back for the book reading." I said and jumped down off the small platform. Walking down the aisle, I motioned for Victoria to go ahead of me. We walked outside to talk in front of the bookstore. I was shocked and happy to see her, but her question was going to raise questions that I didn't want to answer with Carol and my mother who had come to hear the reading. I shook my head and then said, "Why would you do that? Why would you come here? You could've called me if you wanted to talk." "I have been calling and emailing you, but I haven't gotten a respond to either so I figured I'd come where I knew you'd be. I'm sorry that I asked you like that, but I had to get your attention somehow. You've been ignoring me." Victoria said as she tried to take a step closer to me. I raised my hand and she stopped. I didn't need this right now. "Look, I haven't been ignoring you. One of my assistants has my phone and I haven't gotten any messages from them informing me that you called. As far as my email, that thing is routed through Carol because so many of my fans send me requests for autographs or something like that. I'm sorry if you thought I ignored you, but I wasn't. I have to get back in there can you wait around until after the signing is over. I'm here for the night. We can talk." "Yes, I can. I'll let you go." She said and moved out of the way so I could go back inside. With a nod, I walked back into the Barnes & Noble. Two and a half hours later, the last of my fans were getting their books signed and having a small chit chat with me. I thanked each of them for coming. Once that was over, I got my phone from my assistant Kayley, and told Carol that I was going out to dinner. I'd meet her in the lobby in the morning for the flight. Saying goodbye, I walked over to where Victoria had been since coming in from our earlier conversation. "You ready to go? I know this quiet little pizza place not too far from here." I said as she stood up. "Yes, that sounds perfect. Are they okay with you going out?" She said motioning to Carol and the few of my assistants standing near the stage looking at us. "Yes, I don't answer to them. It's actually the other way around." I said and waved at them. They seemed to realize that they were staring at us and all moved in opposite directions. Victoria laughed and reacted for my hand. I guess she realized it and immediately put them in her pocket. I was about to say something, but decided against it and opened the door for her. We walked over to my car. The drive to the pizzeria was very short and quiet. Inside we ordered, and sat at one of the privacy booths. She looked at everything, but me. I was beginning to worry, when she looked at me and said, "I can't be with you if you are in the closet, Sammie. I don't know how to not be affectionate with you when everytime I'm around you, I want to be touching you or something. It's like I get too close you start freaking out. I can't deal with that. We can be friend and if one day, you come out, then maybe we can see what may happen, but until then, friendship is all I can give you and even that will have to come after I get my feelings for you under control. I'm sorry. I have to go now before I do something stupid." With that, Victoria got up and left. At that moment, our pizza arrived. I ate half of it before I wanted to cry. I took the rest of it to go and made it back to my hotel room before I broke down. The next few weeks were hell. I couldn't stop thinking about what Victoria had said to me and she hadn't been in touch with me other than when I texted her. Everytime she said that she wasn't ready to be friends and that she'd get back to me when she was. I left her alone and hoped that she would call or text me soon. Everyone in on my staff seemed to realize the change that took place in me and they all wanted me to talk about it, but I couldn't. I didn't want to think about it more than I already was. The last week of the book reading ended in New York and I was happy to be sleeping in my own bed. I'd been plauged with thoughts and dreams of Victoria for the last couple of weeks and they showed no signs of stopping. This proved to be true on the final day of the tour, I was saying goodbye to my fans and I swore that one of them was Victoria. I moved through the crowd to stand a few feet away from the blonde haired goddess. "Victoria?" I said in a voice so low, I almost thought I only said it in my head. The woman turned and said, "I'm sorry. No, I'm Amber Lee." She smiled when she realized it was me. She opened her mouth again, but before she could, I said, "I'm very sorry. I thought you were someone else. If you'll excuse me." With that I turned and left. Once outside, I took a deep breath trying to keep from crying. At that exact moment, Carol came up behind me and said, "Why don't you just go and see her?" "Her? Who are you talking about?" I said as I turned to look at her. "The woman who was in D.C. The one you clearly miss." Carol answered. "I don't know what you're talking about, Carol. I'll see you in a few days." I said as I started towards my car. "Right." Carol said just loud enough for me to hear. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ My 26th birthday was just two days away and my parents had collaborated with one of my assistants to throw me a party. They thought that I didn't know, but there was little you could keep from me when it came to things like this. I put it out of my mind and decided that when the time came, I would just put on a smile and get through the bloody party with as little issues as possible. Until the night of the party, I was basically on vacation again. I decided to go to a little hole in the wall place that I knew out in Queens. I was sure that I could find a way to entertain myself without letting too many things into my head. My driver insisted on taking me and after countless arguements, I agreed. Walking into Secrets was what I remembered from my old party days. Loud, dim, and the sexual energy of the place was through the roof. Making my way over to the bar, I ordered a rum and coke. I got hit on throughout the night, but wasn't in the mood for company so after about three hours and four drinks, I called it a night. When I made it home, I wasn't drunk, but I was definitely tipsy and more than a little horny. It had been weeks since I'd even masturbated and the need for release was slamming into me like bricks. Making my way to my bedroom, I stripped until I was completely naked. Sliding under the duvet on my bed, my hand automatically went between my legs. My juices were flowing and I was wetter than I had been in months. My fantasy instinctively went to Victoria. I imagined it was her fingers teasing my dripping slit. That it was one of her hands opening up my labia and the other circling my hardened clit. Her dainty fingers sliding into my hole. Pushing in and out faster and faster. The thought of her mouth covering my hard nipples caused me to moan out her name. As I added another finger into my gushing pussy, I imagined urging her on to add one after the other until my pussy was stretched to it's limits. Being filled with her fist as she told me how much she wanted to me and wanted to be with me. I felt the orgasm building up inside me and I knew I was close. All I could think about was coming for her. Having my girl juices pulse out of me and my walls contract around her hand. It was at that moment the orgasm exploded in me. I came screaming her name and wave after wave crashed into me until I blacked out. I woke up the next morning at around 10 and knew that I hadn't slept that well in weeks. Nor had I had a orgasm like that ever. I desperately needed to talk to Victoria to try and get to give us a shot without me putting my entire life at risk. I knew she'd never answer my call and I had no clue where to start looking for her. I stayed home the rest of the day only leaving my bedroom to eat. I went to sleep early that night. My friend Tash was taking me shopping the next afternoon. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ My birthday started off like all the ones had since I'd moved out of my parents house, with me in my kitchen eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes and reading The New York Times. I didn't feel different and I just lounged around until about half an hour before I had to meet Tash. Taking a quick shower, I stood in front of my closet. Putting on one of my tight fitting white t-shirts, I grabbed a baby blue sleeveless vest to go over it. Pulling on a pair of my dark wash Levi's, I found my baby blue and white Jordans. Making sure I had my wallet and cellphone, I headed downstairs to my car. The afternoon shopping with Tash was more for her enjoyment than mine. I picked up the Jordans I'd ordered a few weeks before and a few more pairs of jeans I was ready to go, but she insisted on spending more time out just in case I saw something I wanted. She was right. I found a watch that I loved and got it. Soon it was time to head home to get ready for the party. I was just going change into a pair of dress slacks so I told Tash to give me a few minutes and I'd take her home that way she didn't have to call a cab. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Arriving at my parents estate, the party seemed to be packed. When I walked into the parlor everyone shouted, "Happy birthday!" and blew on those annoying little horns. I smiled and tried to enjoy myself. Just as I started making the rounds to tell everyone thanks for coming and the gifts, I saw a woman move into the kitchen. I swore I recognized her, but my assistant grabbed me and started talking to me. "Happy birthday, Sammie. I knew you weren't going to be surprised, but you're parents insisted." "Thanks, Kourtney. Were you the one who helped them plan it?" "Well, we had a event planner, but I gave them her number." "Was it the same one you used for my 24th birthday?" "As a matter of fact, it is, yes. The planner should be around here somewhere." "Thanks again, Kourtney. Will you excuse me for a moment?" "Yeah, sure." Nodding my head, I walked towards the kitchen. It was mostly empty except for the small blonde near the back window looking out. "I was wondering when you'd come and find me." Victoria said. "I didn't really know it was you who planned this until a minute ago." I replied as I stepped towards her. She turned towards me and shook her head, then said, "No. Don't. Don't do this. I haven't gotten over you. I started to call you like a hundred time these last few weeks, but couldn't bear to think of your voice on the other end. You're still in the closet and I fell for you anyway." "So why'd you agree to plan my brithday party? You knew I'd be here." I said as I leaned against the counter. "Because it's too hard staying away from you. I'd rather be around you and suffer than to be away from you and still be miserable." She answered. "So what does this mean? Will you try and be with me even though I'm not out?" I asked taking a step towards her. "No." She said and started walking towards the kitchen door. Before she walked out she said, "I'm leaving New Jersey. This was my last event. I can't be around you either way and you still refuse to come out, so it's the only choice I have." As she began walking again, I said, "Wait! But Victoria, I .. I think I'm in love with you." She turned and stared at me. The shock of what I said clearly on her face. We stood there looking at each other for awhile until she finally said, "I'm in love with you too." We both closed the gap between us and kissed. Kissed like old lovers who'd been away from each other for years. Technically, that's exactly what we were. We forgot our surrounding completely until I heard a woman gasp at the door. I broke the kiss and looked up to see my mother standing there frozen still at the scene she'd just saw. I opened my mouth, but she turned and walked away. I looked back at Victoria who saw the hurt on my face. She reached for me, but I backed away from her touch as if it repulsed me. The look on her face told me that I'd hurt her and without saying a word, Victoria turned and ran out of the kitchen. A few minutes later I heard the front door slam. I had no clue what to do, but I felt my heartbreaking as I slide to the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest. I sat there and cried until Carol came and found me a little while later. "Sammie, sweetie, are you okay?" She asked as she kneeled next to me. "No! I'm not! I'm gay and eevryone in my life is going to hate me!" I screamed at her and surged to my feet before repeating Victoria's actions. I was crying so hard that I didn't see the truck as it ran the red light and hit the side of my car. I stayed conscious as long as I could until the light and warmth surrounded me. The last thought I had was Victoria wrapped in my arms, her lips connected perfectly to my own.