32 comments/ 30062 views/ 70 favorites By Midnight By: Doglover12345 So, I know it's been a while since I posted something. Work and school are not being very nice to me. My plan is to be able to write on breaks so look for stories during the summer and winter. Most of this story is fiction. It shouldn't be too confusing when it comes to the dates because everything is pretty clearly marked. As always, feedback is appreciated. Enjoy! ~~~~~~~~~~ June 25, 2010 ~~~~~~~~~~ "And by midnight, you'll be a distant memory One that'll fade from me And never come back. And by midnight, I promise to go And I'll never show What you mean to me, anymore" I put down the microphone and waited until the piano faded to nothing. I could hear the applause from the other side of the wall and it made me smile. OVER THE INTERCOM: "Jess," my manager/best friend Lauren said, "that is the best that has ever sounded. I'm going to make sure this gets sent out to tons of agencies and you'll be sure to get signed." "Thanks, Lo." I turned to look at the band. "Thanks, guys. It sounded really great." They all murmured their agreement and started to pack up. Once they were finished Lauren walked through the door and into the studio. "Jess," she exclaimed, running over to hug me. Her red hair rested in a nice French braid on her pink blouse. The black skirt flitted in her wake and her black heels echoed within the studio. "I'm so happy for you. Everybody is going to love you! You're a double-threat: singer and songwriter. I just wish your parents were here to see this. " All through middle and high school I was very involved with band and choir, and in all those years my parents never missed a concert. On the night of our Christmas show my junior year my parents were hit by a drunk driver. My mom died instantly, whereas my dad died later in surgery. My brother, who was 19 at the time, continued going to college so my grandma moved into our house to take care of me. She lived alone so it worked out better that way. She moved closer to the city and I continued going to the same high school. I hugged her back. "I wish they were here too, but I've got great friends that show me the same love and support I know they would. And everybody's going to love me because you're such a great manager, Lo. Thanks for setting this up." "You're welcome, sweetie. You know I'd do anything for you." She paused. "You know I also can't promise anything, right? Don't get me wrong, I love the song. I'm sure someone is going to want you. However, these things take time. Don't expect anything right away." "This is what I love about you. You've been completely honest with me since the third grade," I laughed. She would always joke and say that if she didn't tell you the truth her eyes would. It was true, her emerald green eyes gave everything away. She stood back and put her hands up in a 'what do you want from me' gesture. "That's what best friends are for, right?" She started to walk off. "I'll see you later at the rehearsal dinner, okay?" "Um...about that," I started. She quickly whipped around to stare at me. "I'm not going." "What," she exclaimed. "You have to go. You're the Maid of Honor for crying out loud! You can't just bow out." I sighed. As much as I loved Lauren, I didn't know how to explain this to her. I wish I could've just fallen for her. I'm Jessica 'Jess' Carlisle, a plain Jane lesbian that had to go and fall in love with my best friend, Allison 'Allie' Dunlap. When I say plain Jane, I mean I'm totally average: long brown hair, brown eyes, average height and build, and a few freckles here and there. I'm going to be conceited for a second. I'm not hard to look at, there's just nothing spectacular about me. Now, with Allie, I'll admit I was shallow. In the eighth grade, when I first met her, her looks drew me in. She had long, soft brown hair; hazel eyes that occasionally changed color depending on her mood; the cutest dimples ever; she was a dancer so her body was in great shape and she had gorgeous, pouty lips. After I got to know her, I knew I liked her because of who she was. And over the years I fell more in love. Of course, the only problem that could arise, and did, is she's completely straight and I told her I loved her, five days before her wedding. ~~~~~~~~~~ June 22, 2010 ~~~~~~~~~~ "Jess, what do you think," Allie questioned. "Should the flowers be on every row, or every other one? This is the last detail and then I can finally relax." Allie's parents are rich and own a huge mansion with plenty of land. It only makes sense to have the wedding at their house. Hundreds of white foldable chairs were set up into rows surrounding the aisle. At the end, where Allie and her soon-to-be-husband Mark will stand, is a tiny gazebo that her dad had made that says 'Allie and Mark forever' on top. Under that is where they will be married, and it made me sick to my stomach. I looked up from where I was sitting on the front row. "Well, Lauren and I will be carrying flowers; the gazebo is going to be wrapped in flowers; not to mention the flower girls that are going to be walking down the aisle. I think every other one would be good." She sighed. "This is why I need you as my Maid of Honor. You're so good to me." "If I was so good to you I would've convinced you to get a wedding planner. Five days before your wedding and you still had stuff to do," I muttered, getting up from the chair and laying down on the grass to look up at the sky. She came and lay down next to me, placing her head on my shoulder. "You know you wouldn't have been able to convince me. I'm stubborn, and you love that about me. Plus, I knew I could get it all done with you helping me." As she said this she took one finger and stroked it down my nose. Just as she went to pull away I grabbed her hand and held onto it. She thought nothing of it seeing as how we had held hands like this before. It was her left hand so I looked at the ring that had been slipped on over a year ago. It was flashy. Three huge diamonds with smaller ones surrounding them, all incased by a flowing silver band. This was not Allie's style. She's so down to earth, and Mark, well, isn't. I got up and walked over to the gazebo. Right behind it was a wooden floor that would serve as the dance floor, which stretched across the length of her backyard. Tables with white cloths surrounded it. There was a small stage just off to the side that would contain a live band, my live band. These were all the things we discussed that we wanted at our weddings. However, we did not discuss an ice sculpture of two interlocking swans (which is a stupid idea since it is June in the south). We did not discuss a huge chocolate fondue fountain. These were all things that Mark wanted to have to impress his friends. I looked back at Allie lying on the ground. Her hair rustled in the gust of wind that came by also bringing up her white tank top a little bit. It was just enough to show off some of her flat, tan stomach. How I dream of kissing along that stomach as I run my hands along her sides. I let my eyes wonder down her legs, past her knee-length jean skirt, to rest on the scar running down her calf. I remember going to see her in the hospital after her surgery those three years ago. She was so happy to see me and in her groggy state I told her I loved her. Of course she didn't remember. I coughed as my throat went dry from looking at her. "Are you okay," she asked, sitting up to look at me. "I'm great," I mumbled. "My best friend is getting married in a few days. Of course I'm okay." Oh my God, Jess, I thought. Just shut up. You're rambling and she always knows something's wrong when you ramble. She lies back down. "If you say so. You know you can tell me anything, right? Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean--" "Are you sure you're happy," I blurted, staring at the ring on her finger. She tuned sharply to look at me. "Where is this coming from?" "I just want to be sure this is what you want," I lied. She sat up again, looking at me. "Cut the bullshit, Jess. It's five days before my wedding and now you're bringing up doubts. What is this?" I didn't say anything for a while because I was still trying to figure out why I was talking. I was supposed to be the supportive best friend but here I am spurting out unsupportive bullshit. "I...I just think you should really consider what you're doing," I finished. "What are you talking about," she asked, incredulously. I racked my brain to come up with even more bullshit. Anything to get me out of the mess I had already caused. "Think about it: you're going to be giving up the single life and you have to consult Mark before every decision you make." She stared at me while shaking her head. I knew exactly what she was thinking: I was lying to her, which I was. "If those are the only two things that are going to change because I'm married I think I'll take my chances." She moved her hand to run her fingers through her hair before giving me an exasperated sigh. "Will you please just tell me what's wrong? No fucking around." "He's not right for you," I exclaimed. "He's not going to make you nearly as happy as you should be." "What are you talking about? He's the best person I've been with. He's the one for me. Who else is supposed to make me happy?" "Me," I screamed at her. The words just kept coming. "I can make you happy. I can make you happier than he can." She looked strangely at me. "What are you getting at?" "I love you, Allie. I've been in love with you for eight years now. I love everything about you." I walked to her and crouched down to her level. She gave me a confused look before I took her hands in mine. "You're perfect. Nobody can compete with you. You're beautiful, smart, funny, and so down to earth. You help anyone that's in need, without questioning them. You don't let the fact that you come from money dictate your life. It doesn't determine who your friends are. I remember thinking how amazing you were in high school when you helped out with every charity event. Allie, Mark isn't like you. He's all about status and I've seen you get angry with him over it. Don't marry him. He's not good for you." She sat stilled for a few moments just looking at me. Another gust of wind came by and some strands of hair flew in her face. I lifted one of my hands and pushed in behind her ear. "Say something." "You've dated guys," she stuttered. "You can't be in love with me." "In all the years we've known each other I dated one guy. It was junior year of high school. I was trying to forget about you and...I don't know make myself straight. He made me sick, Allie. All I could think about was you. It's always been you," I said with conviction. "It's not you," she muttered, looking away. "It's Mark." I just stared at her for a while. There's no way I could see this through. I just can't. "I can't," I said as I got up. "I can't see you marry him." "What are you saying?" She scrambled to her feet. "Jess, you're still my best friend. I'm just not in love with you. I still want you in my wedding. I still want you as my Maid of Honor." "Don't you understand," I screamed. "It kills me to see you with someone else. You want me to watch you swear to be with them forever? I can't do that. Lauren can step in as Maid of Honor and Mark's sister Joanna can be the bridesmaid. Joanna is the same size as me so giving her my dress won't be a problem. My band will still show up and sing, I just won't be there." I made my way to my car fighting the tears that were beginning to fall. I had to get out of there. I couldn't look at her. "Jess! Jess, get back here," she screamed. I got in my car and pulled away, never looking back. ~~~~~~~~~~ June 25, 2010 ~~~~~~~~~~ "It's complicated, Lo. I'm not in the wedding. You're the new Maid of Honor and Mark's sister is going to step in as a bridesmaid," I breathed, packing up my bag with my sheet music. "Jess, what the hell happened? And you better have a damned good excuse." She folded her arms across her chest and gave me 'the look.' You all know the one I'm talking about. It's the look your mom gives you when she catches you with your hand in the cookie jar after she specifically told you not to get one. "I'm gay," I sighed, looking at her. "I'm gay, Lo, and...I'm in love with Allie." She gaped at me. "Geez, Jess. Why did you have to go fall in love with her? Of all the girls in the world, you pick Allie?" She started pacing around the room mumbling to herself. What does she know, I thought. She hasn't had to deal with seeing the person she loves date...wait what? 'Of all the girls in the world...?' "What do you mean, 'of all the girls in the world?' I just told you I'm gay AND in love with our best friend and all you can say is there are other girls." She snorted. "I've known you were gay for a while now, Jess. We've been best friends since third grade. I can pick up on things." "And you don't care," I questioned. She came over and wrapped her arms around me. "Of course I don't care, sweetie. You're still the same Jess. You'll always be my best friend no matter what." She paused, contemplating her next statement. "Go on, out with it," I prompted. "Allie, sweetie? The straightest girl we know? I know, I know," she put up her hands to stop my protest. "You can't help who you fall in love with but this is never going to happen. You know that right?" "I know it's not going to happen but I couldn't just let them get married without saying my piece. I needed her to know that I love her and I always will. And that after all these years, after all the heartbreaks she's been through, I can't watch her marry "the one." I can't handle that, Lauren. It'll just make things final and I'm not ready for that yet." She sighed, taking me into her arms once again. "Okay, I get it. What exactly happened?" I told her everything that happened yesterday and watched for her reactions. "I had to do it, Lo. I can't watch her declare to be with someone else for the rest of her life." "I understand. Look, I've got a few things I have to do before the dinner tonight, so I've got to go." She started to walk off. "Jess, just think about what you're doing. I know it'll hurt you but have you thought about how much it will hurt Allie? Do you really want to lose your best friend over this? Think about it." ~~~~~~~~~~~ I wasn't going to go to the rehearsal dinner. It was killing me to go and see her, but Lauren had a point. I didn't want to hurt her. So I decided I'll suffer so she's not. Of course I decided this at ten minutes 'til the dinner was supposed to start. I walked in, late, in strapless black dress causing everyone to look up at me. "Sorry, traffic was terrible," I lied, walking up to Allie. She looked so incredible in her blue evening gown. I remember Lauren and I helping her pick that out. We were all so happy and laughing that day. I leaned in and gave her a hug. "I'm sorry I'm late," I whispered in her ear. "I'm also sorry for everything that happened. I'd love to still be your Maid of Honor if you'll have me." She squeezed me back tight and kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you, Jess. Thank you so much. I can't do this without you." Once we released each other I noticed everyone was still staring. "What? Have you all never seen best friends hug? Go back to eating," I scolded them good naturedly before taking my seat next to Lauren, in her green knee-length dress. She squeezed my knee when I sat down. I whispered, "Yeah, I know, you were right." "I'm just glad you're here. Everyone kept asking me why you weren't here and I didn't know how to explain it to them. Obviously Allie didn't say anything about you quitting." "So, Jessica, I was beginning to worry that we were going to need a replacement. I'm glad you made it," Victoria, Allie's mom, said. Victoria is a short, plump woman and tonight you could see her curves in a black and white pinstriped suit. I've never really liked her. I overheard her one time talking to her sister about me and how she doesn't see how anyone would date me (what a bitch, right?). "You're kidding, right? This is my best friend's wedding. There's no way I would miss this," I said, mustering up my best 'I'm all for this' voice. "So, what did I miss?" ~~~~~~~~~~ The rest of the night went relatively uneventful; drinks were had; laughing ensued. Everyone had a great time. By the end of it all I was ready to go and mentally prepare myself for tomorrow. I walked over to where Allie was standing with her family and Lauren to say my goodbyes. "I'm leaving, guys. I'll see all of you at, what, eight o'clock," I offered. They all murmured their agreement and Allie spoke up. "I'll walk you out." "Jess, I don't know how to thank you," she said when we reached my car. "I know this has to be hard for you and I wouldn't ask you to do this but--" "Hey," I cupped her face in my hands. "I would do anything for you. It took me a few days to realize that I was being selfish and I'm sorry. I should have never tried to back out to begin with. I'm going to be there for you, standing by your side, 'til it's all over tomorrow and you walk away Allison Jefferies. I promise." I pulled her in for a hug and I could hear her sniffling. "Thank you, Jess. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" "You'll be the one in white, right," I joked. She playfully slapped me on the shoulder. "Yeah, I will be. Goodnight." I hopped in drove off. I didn't know how I was going to make it through, all I know is I have to. For her sake and for my sanity. ~~~~~~~~~~ June 26, 2010 ~~~~~~~~~~ "Oh girls, doesn't Allie just look amazing," her mother gushed. We were in Allie's bedroom just minutes before her wedding was to begin. As much as I didn't like her mother, I couldn't disagree. Allie looked absolutely stunning. She was wearing a white, strapless dress with intricate beaded designs and a train at least three feet behind her. Her hair was pulled up into a bun and the white veil, connected by a band with more beads, came down just above her bust. Her bouquet of roses, her favorite flower, was nestled tightly in her hands at her waist. Lauren and I nodded our agreement. "She looks amazing, Mrs. D," Lauren commented. "Jess," Allie looked at me. "Does everything look okay?" I knew she was just asking in a friendly way but I couldn't hide how I felt in my answer. "You're gorgeous, Allie." Her face softened and she looked at me painfully. "Mom, Lauren, can I have a minute with Jess?" "Of course," Lauren said, looking at the clock on the wall. "You need to be out in five minutes. I'll send your dad in for you." They left leaving me to face her. "So," I started, "what do you want to talk about, Madame?" I quickly bowed as well as I could in my red dress. Usually when I called her 'Madame,' Allie would laugh. This time she didn't. "Jess," she sighed. "You don't have to pretend to be happy. I know you're not." "Hey, my best friend in the entire world is about to marry the one person she loves most. I'm happy for you," I said, walking over to the dresser and picking up a picture frame. It was one of us at the county fair during our sophomore year of high school. It was a staged photo in which she was pointing to her cheek like she was expecting a kiss, and I provided said kiss. I almost told her I loved her that night. She came up behind me and placed her hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry--" "Don't," I cut her off. "You have nothing to be sorry for." She turned me around to face her. "Yes, I do. My asking you to be here is selfish when I know it hurts you. I've been hurt by people that I loved and I know how terrible it is to have to be around them. I never meant to hurt you, Jess. You're my best friend and I love you." She was in the process of starting to cry. By Midnight "Hey," I smoothed my thumbs under her eyes, trying to save her makeup. "Don't cry. It's okay. You know me, I'll be fine." I looked at her thoughtfully. "I'd much rather be the one in pain over you. So, if I have to be a little uncomfortable for a few hours to make this day special for you, then that's what I'll do." I found a tissue and wiped off my hands, making sure they were clean, before pulling her in for a hug. "You're my best friend and I love you, too." I'm not quite sure what possessed me to do it, but I lifted the veil over her head and looked deep in her eyes. For a second she looked paralyzed, like she didn't know what I was going to do. She looked vulnerable and I knew if I wanted to kiss her on the lips, like I've wanted to do for years, I could. I leaned forward, clasped her chin between my thumb and forefinger, turned her head to the side and kissed her gently on the cheek. The look in her eyes was hard to describe. I guess it was somewhere between sadness and curiosity. I put the veil back down over her face just as there was a knock on her door. "Come on, let's get you married," I whispered. Her dad walked in and whistled low. "My baby girl looks absolutely amazing." "I'll see you out there," I said before taking my leave. When I met up with Lauren she looked at me expectantly, waiting for some clue as to what happened with Allie, but I shook my head. I looked around for Jake, my escort, and linked my arm through his and grabbed my white roses. Turning around I saw Allie and her dad. I gave her a quick "thumbs up" to be sure she was ready, and when she nodded her head I looked to my band on stage and gave them a nod. The piano began playing and we began walking. "You know," Jake whispered, "when this is all over we should go somewhere a little more private. What do you say?" I let out a breathless laugh and covered it up with a smile as we walked down the aisle. "You're not quite my type, sweetie." As soon as we reached the end of the aisle, we went our separate ways. From that moment the entire affair seemed to take hours. I watched as Lauren came to her place beside me and then watched as Allie and her father walked down. I watched Allie smile and nod to people, letting them know she was happy to see them. I watched her finally come to rest beside me and hand me her bouquet. I watched her and Mark say their vows (she came up with her own, he did traditional) and kiss to seal their marriage bond. It tore me apart. We all filed down the aisle and took a few pictures before finally being allowed to enjoy the party. I went up on stage and sang a few songs with my band then joined in on the fun. I danced with a few of Allie and Mark's mutual family/friends. I was in the middle of dancing with Mark's cousin, Ryan, when Lauren came over to cut in. "How are you holding up, sweetie," she asked, taking hold of both of my hands as we swayed. "I'm fantastic," I quipped sarcastically. She pulled me closer, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. Mine instinctively went around her waist. "It's almost over. Just a few more hours and they'll be leaving. Then we can go get a huge container of ice cream and chips and bottles of wine and drink the night away. Sound like a plan?" "Are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me," I joked. "I'm offended," she gasped. "I don't have to get anyone drunk, thank you very much. They want me all the time." The song ended so we pulled apart and I could see the smile on her face. I don't know what I would do without her. "It sounds like a great plan, Lo." I looked around and spotted the bar. "I'm getting something to drink, do you want anything?" "No, I'm okay," she said a little apprehensively. "What is it," I moaned. "The nights almost over, Jess. Have you even spoken to Allie?" "Don't ask me that," I sighed, starting to walk off. I had spent most of the night on the dance floor in an attempt to avoid seeing her. I know it wasn't fair to her but I didn't know how to talk to her. "Jess, I get it, you're hurting, but don't be--" "I'll go talk to her, then," I exhaled walking off. It wasn't hard to find her. All I had to do was look for the big crowd of people surrounding her and her husband. When she looked in my direction I watched a sad smile break out across her face. I waited until Mark was done talking before interrupting. "Excuse me, Mark, but I need to steal your wife for a minute," I tried joking. She unlinked her arm through his and walked over to me, a brilliant smile on her face. I walked over to where all the cars were parked so we could have some privacy. I unlocked my car and opened the passenger door, waiting for her to get in. Once she was inside I went around to my side. "You're not kidnapping me, are you," she laughed. "No, I'm not kidnapping you. I just figured we could use this time to talk." I pulled my phone from the center console and looked at the time. I then proceeded to act like I was holding a microphone in front of my face. "So, you've been married for three hours. Tell us, Allison Jefferies, how does it feel?" I moved the microphone in front of her face. Allie groaned and looked at me. "Jess, why do you do that?" "Why do I do what," I asked, confused. "You're retreating into your shell. When things look like they're going to get serious you make a joke. You did this earlier in my room and then now. Can't you just talk to me?" I looked deep into her eyes and realized she was right, as usual. I wasn't honest with her. "Allie, I don't know what to say to you. Honestly, I was trying to avoid you for the rest of the night but Lauren suggested I talk to you." "Well then we don't have to talk," she said, reaching for the door handle. "No, wait," I stopped her. I started twirling my fingers together making sure to not meet her gaze. "I—I'm going to miss you while you're gone." "It's beautiful, isn't it," she questioned, looking up at the moon and changing the subject. "I've never seen it this big before." "Yeah," I breathed, "it's beautiful." I was a little miffed that she completely ignored my comment but I guess I know why she did. This is a touchy subject. I don't know what to say to her half the time, so why should I expect any different from her. I took a page out of her book and changed the subject. "Do you remember that time we went out on the lake and stayed there all night?" She started laughing. "How could I forget? A fish jumped up into the boat and you screamed like a little girl!" "I wasn't expecting it," I defended myself. "It was out of nowhere! If I remember correctly, you were so scared and dug your nails into my arms so hard, I had bruises for a week." We dissolved into a fit of giggles recalling the good ole' days. She leaned her head to rest it on my shoulder and, in turn, I rested my head on top of hers. She then looped her arms through my right one and snuggled deeper. "Things aren't going to change, right," she inquired. "We're still going to hang out and be best friends." I took my left hand and lifted her face to look at me. "We're always going to be best friends, I promise." "You know, I'm going to miss you too," she revealed. "I know it's for only two weeks, but do you realize we've literally spent almost every day of the last year together?" I knew she wasn't really asking me if I knew. It was more of needing to reaffirm the obvious. "And in that year, I—I feel like we've gotten so much closer." I wasn't sure of what to say to her so I pulled her in for a hug. She hugged me back just as fiercely. We sat there for who knows how long, silently realizing that everything would, in fact, change no matter how much we wished it wouldn't. She was married now and had a new life to look forward to. We both knew we wouldn't be seeing each other as often: 1) because she would need to begin her new life, and 2) we both knew I would try everything to leave her alone. "You should probably head back," I said, leaning back away from the hug. "People might think I actually kidnapped you." "Are you not coming?" She looked crestfallen. "I think I've had a little too much partying for one night." I gave her my best smile, but she knew why I was leaving. "You go back and enjoy, and I'll see you when you get back. Can you tell Lauren I'm tired and have her call me tomorrow?" "Yeah, sure, no problem," she answered. "So, see you in two weeks?" "Two weeks," I repeated. I watched as she got out of the car and walked back over to the party. Cranking the car, I backed out and started the drive to my house, feeling lower than I ever have before. ~~~~~~~~~~ July 20, 2010 ~~~~~~~~~~ Over the last month I would like to say that I wasn't a "pussy-ass-bitch," but that's just not the case. I was being lame and pathetic and I could tell Lauren was giving up on trying to get me out of the house to do things. Every time she called I just wanted to stay in and watch a movie. I had managed to pull myself together enough to be a semi-decent person at Allie's wedding, but after that I shut down. I let every emotion I held back that day come out full-fledged and it was terrible. So, needless to say when I saw that Lauren was calling me, I was shocked. "Hey, get your ass off of your couch. Allie and I are going to Joe's, so meet us there in fifteen. I've got some good news for you." Click. Short, sweet, and to the point. I knew the only reason she did that was so I couldn't refuse to go. I've only seen Allie once since she got back from her honeymoon in the Caribbean, and I was trying to keep it that way. I wasn't unpleasant to her by any means. I replied to her texts and phone calls and we have talked briefly, I just wasn't quite ready to see her yet. I couldn't get over her or the fact that she was married, and frankly it hurt to see her. I'm sure she knew this because she kept her space and didn't push me to hang out. I'm also sure that Lauren had something to do with that. I threw on a pair of jeans and a blue tank top, slipped on my rainbow flip-flops, and walked out the door with my car keys in hand. Joe's is a little burger place that has been around forever. Some of the biggest, greasiest burgers come out of this place, but if you haven't had it once in your life, you're not living. Every Friday night during high school Lauren, Allie, and I went to Joe's and unwound, and we always sat in the same booth in the back. This was our safe haven. I parked right in front of the open sign, and walked in. Allie and Lauren already had "our" booth and motioned me over. They both stood and I could tell we all went for almost the same attire. Lauren was wearing jean capris with a white tank top, while Allie was wearing a jean skirt and a pink tank top. I couldn't help but swoon at the sight of Allie's tanned legs; however I managed to pull myself together before I gave them both a quick hug. "Okay, Lauren," I said, sitting down across from them. "What's the good news?" She smiled at me. "Okay, the good news is that we're all fabulous looking 23-year-old best friends that are finally hanging out again." "You made me leave my apartment just so you could tell me I look fabulous," I scoffed. "You could have said that on the phone." I picked up a menu and began mulling over my options. "Oh, shut up. We needed a day for all of us to chill, forget our troubles, and just enjoy each other's company. I for one--" Her cell phone rang. "I'll be right back. I have to take this." She quickly exited the booth and walked outside. Great, Lauren, just great. Leave me alone Mrs. Jefferies knowing full well how I feel. I buried myself deeper into the menu hoping she wouldn't say anything. Of course she did. "So," Allie started, clearing her throat, "how's your week been? We haven't talked much." "It's been good," I sighed. I really wanted to just leave the conversation there, but I couldn't. I hate when people give short responses and never open the conversation up further. "I've been working on some stuff around the house, getting it fixed up. What about you? How was your week?" She smiled. When I say she smiled I mean it was huge and I could see the look of relief wash over her face when she knew I was talking to her. "It was great! I've been cleaning up our house as well; getting things in order for all the upcoming functions at Mark's job." She hesitated briefly. "Jess, are you okay?" She sighed before backtracking in her statement. "That's a stupid question. Of course you're not okay. I'm sorry. Lauren just mentioned how you've been keeping to yourself lately, and I've noticed that as well." She paused again when I scowled at her assumption. "I'm not going to sugar coat it, Jess. You're pushing her away. You're pushing me away, too. I miss my best friend." "Allie, I'm still you're best friend," I tried to reason with her. "We still talk every week and--" "And those conversations have been feeling strained. I get that we can't go back to the way we were, but can't we at least try to get somewhere near there?" I started to speak but she stopped me. "I know it's hard for you. You put your heart on the line and I hurt you. I just want you back in my life and for things to not be so strained. I am so sorry for everything that happened, Jess." I looked into those eyes that captivated me so many years ago and saw pain; pain that I was causing because I couldn't get over my feelings. I had taken on the mentality that I had hurt enough, and now it was her turn. I lost the love of my life so I was going to make her lose her best friend and that wasn't right. I wasn't treating someone that I love with the love that they deserve. I wasn't treating Lauren very well either. I reached over and took her hands in mine, squeezing them lightly. "You're right and I'm sorry. I'm going to try, Allie, I really will, I promise. I just need time. I just watched the love of my life marry someone else. I need some space. Don't say anything," I stopped her from speaking this time. "I was planning on telling you and Lauren next week, but I want to go on a road trip, just to clear my head. It might do me some good to get away for a while and see what's out there. There's nothing here for me on the east coast, and I've only ever been as far west as Texas. I want to go to more places." She just stared at me; her jaw going slack for a second in shock. "Jess, I don't want--" "Whoa, sorry guys," Lauren interrupted, sliding back into the booth beside Allie. "Is everything okay," I asked, quickly looking away from Allie. I had a good feeling she was going to tell me she wanted me to stay. I also knew that if she asked, I would. "Everything is amazing," she smiled wide at me. "Sony wants to sign you, Jess!" "What," I questioned. "Sony, Jess. They want to sign you for a record deal! This is great news, why don't you look happy," she asked, folding her arms over her chest. "I'm happy, I'm just also shocked. That was really fast, Lo. They really want me?" "Of course, who wouldn't want you? Isn't this great, Allie? Our little Jess is going to be famous," she babbled. I looked at Allie and she looked shocked, depressed, and pale all at the same time. She quickly saw me looking, though, and plastered on a fake smile. "That's great. I'm really happy for you, Jess." I know she wasn't. She was just saying that like I did to her on her wedding day. It was fair though. "So, what happens now," I asked. "We go to New York," Lauren exclaimed, excitedly. ~~~~~~~~~~ April 20, 2011 ~~~~~~~~~~ I was finally taking a night off from my own music and it was amazing. I'd had enough of being in the studio for a while so I told them I was taking a night off. Besides, if I had to sing 'By Midnight' one more time, 20 times in a row, I might shoot myself. It just made me think of her and I had been doing that enough lately. I missed her. I missed her smile, her laugh, the way her hair smelled when the wind would ruffle it, and the way she would snort when she knew you were lying. But most of all I missed the way I felt around her. The bottomless pit in my stomach, that constantly felt like it was filled with butterflies, didn't flutter anymore. I missed her way more than a person who claimed to be a friend should. The music coming from the bass was so loud, that even though I was standing toward the back of the crowded concert, it was still making me buzz. I love Coldplay so I had no inhibitions about dancing around like a fool. I was dressed very conservatively in jeans and a t-shirt. There was no way anyone could possibly recognize me. "Hey!" I heard screamed right beside me. "Hey! You're Jessica Carlisle, right? I'm right, aren't I? I'm a huge fan! You're music is so--" I turned to see a very attractive brunette standing beside me. When I first saw her I had to do a double take because she resembled Allie so much. She wore a cute pair of black-rimmed glasses that framed her face very nicely and had on a black Coldplay shirt and a jean skirt that came just above knees. If I had to guess, I would say she is around 5'5 but with the heels she was wearing she came up to at least 5'8 or 5'9. "Hi, I'm Kelly." She extended her hand out to me, which I took. "Jess," I replied. "Can we keep it between the two of us who I am exactly, please? I just want a peaceful night." She leaned close to me and put her mouth right next to my ear. "Of course." For the rest of the concert there wasn't much talking, but there was a lot of dancing. We would grab each other's arms and twirl around, laughing all the while. This was a happy feeling I hadn't been having for a while, and I knew I didn't want to let it go. Once the concert ended I asked Kelly if she would like to go grab something to eat. She agreed and we walked to a little diner down the road. "So," she began once we were seated, "do you live in New York?" "I have an apartment up here for when I come to meet up with headquarters," I answered. "I permanently live in--" "South Carolina," she finished. When I raised an eyebrow at her she quickly backtracked. "I'm promise I'm not some sort of stalker. I told you, I'm a fan. I love you're songs that you've put out so far." We talked a little bit about my hometown, family, friends, and career until the waitress brought us our food. She seemed genuinely interested in everything I was saying. "Tell me about you," I stated, taking a bite of my burger. "There's not too much to tell on my side. I'm originally from Seattle, Washington. I'm an only child. My parents are both lawyers and they thought they would send me to the east coast to get a bachelor's degree and then go to law school. I came to the east coast, but not for law school. Can you imagine how happy my parents were when I told them I was going for cooking? So, I'm just a junior culinary student that spends her time cooking, obviously, and going to concerts," she concluded. "You're really open, aren't you," I laughed. "Oh, God," she put her head in her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm told I give way too much information to people that probably don't give a rat's ass." "Don't apologize. I didn't mean to make you think it was a bad thing. I find you're honesty refreshing. Please, tell me more." She talked more about her life here in New York and how she wants to become a pastry chef. We found we like the same books, movies, and music. I could definitely see myself being friends with her, and she wasn't exactly hard to look at. I knew I wanted to see her again. "So," I started. "Hey," she said at the same time. "You go first," I prompted. "I was just going to ask you how much longer you'll be in town for," she hesitated, "because I'd really like to see you again, but for a date. That is if you don't think I'm some psycho fan." By Midnight We just walked up to her car and she was fidgeting in nervousness. I decided to let her off the hook. I walked close to her and leaned in. Ever so gently I brushed my lips against her left cheek. "I would love to see you again." The smile I received gave me incentive to make sure it stayed on her beautiful face at all times. We exchanged numbers before driving off to our respective homes. When I got home I immediately called Lauren. "Hello," she groggily answered. "Oh, Lauren," I sighed sympathetically, "I'm sorry, I didn't pay attention to the time." It was only one in the morning but she still seemed to be really tired. "It's fine, sweetie. What's up?" She sounded more upbeat. "...I met someone. She's really--" "You met someone! Who is she and how did you meet her," she prompted. I explained how I was taking a night off from singing and went to the concert. I told her how this girl is great, and gay, or at least bi. We hit it off really well and I'm really happy to have met her. "So," she started, "first off, I'm extremely happy for you. Second, does this mean you're over Allie?" At that moment I realized I had barely thought about Allie all night. The second Lauren said her name, however, everything came rushing back. I still missed her and wanted her. But, maybe Kelly would be a good distraction. "I don't know if I'll ever fully get over her, Lo," I answered. "Okay, well at least you had a night out to enjoy yourself. This is something you needed. You're coming home in a few weeks, right?" "Yeah I'll be back towards the end of May. Why?" She hesitated. "Allie was wondering." Allie was wondering? "Okay...well I'll let you get back to sleep. I've got to get up early anyway. Night, love you," I murmured into the phone. "Okay, sweetie. Love you, too. Night." ~~~~~~~~~~ May 25, 2011 ~~~~~~~~~~ "You do realize you're going to make me late for my flight, right," I questioned, struggling as Kelly lay on top of me. "You do realize I don't care, right," she remarked, smiling. The past month with Kelly has been amazing. We see each other at least every other night and I forget about Allie a little more each time we're together. I think she sensed something was holding me back with her, but she never pushed me to open up about it. I remember after the first couple of times we went out she finally spoke to me about what she was feeling. She told me that she didn't know who hurt me, but that she could see I was still reeling from it and that she wasn't going to push me. She didn't, which I think helped me in my process to forget Allie. Kelly and I fell into a routine. We would alternate nights on whose place we would be at. Last night, it was time to spend the evening at my place so we watched movies and ended up falling asleep. I awoke to Kelly lying on top of me gently kneading my sides. I guess I should also mention that over the past month we've taken things slow. For the first two weeks we would just exchange small kisses after seeing each other. Slowly it progressed to making out and now we do a little bit of caressing. I just wasn't ready. I still thought about Allie from time to time and somehow it felt like I was betraying her. It was a ridiculous thought, but it happened that way for me. She leaned in quickly and placed a gently kiss on my lips. It was over before it even started. She leaned back and looked into my face, searching. Searching for what, I'm not sure. She took a deep breath and leaned in again. This time she didn't let up. She gently massaged her lips against mine, waiting for me to move. I responded and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer. One of her hands went around my neck while the other dug its way into my hair. She moaned when I parted my lips. I'm not sure where she learned to kiss, but the second my lips parted her tongue snaked its way in. She flicked it quickly against mine before she began exploring my whole mouth. She had this way of flicking her tongue that made my mouth tingle. I couldn't get enough. I shifted and pressed my body closer to hers. I pulled my mouth from hers causing her to whimper before moving to kiss down her neck. I alternated between licking and sucking gently so as not to leave a mark. Moving up I quickly sucked and nibbled on her ear. "Oh, God," she gasped, clutching my head to keep it in place. "Please, keep going." I moved my hands so that they were pressing against her sides gently squeezing them, feeling every curve she had to offer. She moaned when I licked the length of her neck before claiming her lips again. I flicked my tongue quickly in her mouth with the intent of bringing it back. She had other ideas and caught it between her lips and gently sucked. That was probably the most erotic thing I have ever experienced in my entire life up to that point. I slipped my hands under her white t-shirt and ran my nails lightly up her back causing her to moan and shiver. She in turn snuck one hand down under my shirt and lightly pinched my nipple causing me to gasp in her mouth. I never wanted her so much over the past month. I brought my hands down to the bottom of her shirt and started to lift it over her head. Realizing what I was doing, she lifted her arms to make it easier. Once her shirt was off I quickly bucked my hips up, throwing her off, and pinned her to the bed. "Mmm, not fair," she pouted. I smiled, kissed her, and then placed my forehead against hers. I had to stop this before I went completely insane. "You know, as much as I don't want to, we have to stop." She exhaled loudly. "You're right. I don't want you to be a notch on my bedpost," she joked. I pinched her side. "Damn right I won't be a notch." She laughed. "Why don't you go ahead and get in the shower and I'll make breakfast?" "Sounds good to me," I replied, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. I ran to the shower to get done quickly. I would be heading back home for a little while and Kelly would be staying here in New York. I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible before finally hopping on the plane. I just started washing my hair when I heard my phone start ringing. "Kelly! If you can hear me, will you answer my phone and take a message," I called. I wasn't sure it would be Sony calling for something important. "Sure thing," I heard faintly. I was able to hear her side of the conversation. "Hello? No, this is Kelly. Jess just jumped in the shower. Can I take a message?" She paused. "I'll tell her. Anything else? Okay. Bye." I finished washing up and threw on my favorite blue robe before coming to the kitchen. Kelly was at the stove cooking bacon and eggs. "Who was on the phone?" "Your phone said 'Allie.' She didn't give me a name," she said. "Did she say what she wanted," I questioned. "She said that something came up with Lauren so she would be picking you up from the airport instead." "Oh, okay," I whispered, trying to hide the disappointment in my voice. I really wanted to talk to Lauren about Kelly. I wasn't sure if I could do that with Allie. She's gotten distant ever since she found out about Kelly. I wasn't sure what that was all about and, honestly, it worried me. I know I can never have her as a lover and I certainly didn't want to lose her as a friend. "Bon appétit," Kelly said, placing a plate on the counter in front of me. "This looks amazing. Thank you." I smiled. We ate in silence dreading our upcoming separation. I knew I didn't want to leave but I needed to spend some time with my family and friends. I would love for Kelly to come with me but she is just starting a new job and that definitely wouldn't look good. After getting dressed she drove me to the airport and after a semi-emotional goodbye, with the promise of my return in a few weeks, I was off. I found my seat, turned off my phone, and closed my eyes. I needed to prepare for this drive with Allie back to town. I need to figure out how to act around her. I mean, I don't want to drool all over her and let her know that I'm still in love with her, but I also need to figure things out. I shouldn't be leading Kelly on, and I know that. I also need to figure out what's been going on with Allie. She's been really distant over the past month since Kelly came into my life. Whenever she, Lauren and I would be on a three-way call she would make an excuse to hang up with Lauren brought up Kelly. Sometimes she would make smart comments. I could be wrong and if I am I'll feel bad about it, but it's just too much of a coincidence. Obviously I dozed off because I woke when the pilot came over the sound system letting everyone know we were landing. I don't know if any of you have ever been to the Charlotte airport but it is annoying and crowded and I hate going there. I turned my phone back on and saw where I had a message from Allie telling me where to meet her. After grabbing my luggage I made my way to where Allie was. Two things shocked me when I saw her. Firstly, she was pale. This was odd because Allie is always tanned. She lies out by her pool all the time, especially around this time of the year. Second, I thought I was starting to get over her slightly and that was just not the case. My breath hitched him my throat when I saw her. She looked just as amazing as she usually does. She had her hair down because it was straightened. She was wearing blue jeans that hugged her ass, a purple frilly blouse, and sandals with white straps. When I walked up to her I gave her a quick hug not wanting to linger for too long. "Hey, Allie." She squeezed me tightly. "Hey, Jess. I've missed you." "I've missed you too." I tried not to let too much emotion drip from my words. I think she saw through it because I got that softened, sad expression when I get emotional with her. "Well," she started, "are you ready to go?" She ran her hand through her hair and I saw the sunlight reflect off her ring. It's still as shiny and big as ever. "Yeah, let's go." We walked silently to her car and I racked my brain to try and remember one moment in our lives when things had seemed to be this uncomfortable with us. We were always open with one another so I wasn't quite sure what was going on. She was being very cautious around me: not walking close to me, keeping conversation light, and looking at me from the corner of her eye. It was all very strange and I didn't know how to address it. That was always her job. She called me on my shit and I gave her the truth. I guess it was my turn. We made it to her black convertible and she put the top down. "You don't mind, do you," she asked. "It's nice out." "It's perfect. I've missed this car," I responded while she smiled at my comment. Just when I was about to start talking, Kelly called. "Hey, Kelly," I answered. I was looking at Allie and her lips pursed together as she backed out of the parking space. "Hey, babe," Kelly laughed. "I wasn't sure if you would answer. I was just going to leave you a message." "I'm in the car with Allie now. We're just leaving." "Oh, well, I'll let you go. Like I said I was just going to leave you a message. I'm about to go into work anyway." "Well, what was your message," I inquired. "Just that I miss you like crazy already and I can't wait until you're back here," she muttered. "I miss you, too," I whispered. I didn't want Allie to hear me. "I'll be back soon though." "I know you will. Call me later tonight or tomorrow, okay? I have to go." "All right," I replied. "Have fun. Bye." "Bye." "So, that was Kelly," I stated. When I turned to look at Allie she still had her lips pressed tightly together. "She's about to go to work and was going to leave me a message." I wasn't quite sure why I was telling her all of this, but then she started laughing. "What's funny," I queried. "That's just a little fast to want to talk to you. I mean, you just left. That seems a bit, clingy to me." "She's not clingy," I answered back. "Really, she's not clingy? Jess, every time Lauren and I call you she's there. It's like when you're not in the studio you're with her. And just now, you've been gone two hours and she's already called you. That's clingy." "That's not it," I defended. "It was sweet on her part." "If you say so," she smirked. "I'm just calling it like I see it." I didn't know what to say. I should've jumped to Kelly defense a little more, but I didn't. Allie's hold on me was stronger than ever. I would always let her "win" arguments even when I knew I was right. It made me feel good to see the smile on her face. So what's wrong with me now, that even though she said some things about Kelly that weren't very nice, I was just happy to see that little smirk she gave me? We were silent the entire two hours. Only when I started to get out of the car at my house did she speak. "Look," she sighed, "I'm sorry for what I said about Kelly. I just don't think you should be with someone that gives off the clingy vibe. I'm only looking out for you." Her mouth said one thing but her eyes said something completely different. "What's really wrong," I questioned. She looked shocked. "What do you mean?" "The past month you've been extremely distant from me. It's got to be one hell of a coincidence that that's the time when Kelly came into my life. You've changed. You don't want to talk as much. You're very cautious around me, like you're afraid you'll do something wrong. It doesn't make sense. So, I want to know what's wrong," I huffed. She looked thoughtful and sighed. "There's nothing wrong, Jess." "You know you can tell me anything, right? Are you feeling like you're losing your friend? Are you and Mark having problems? I honestly want to know so I can help." Her thoughtful look changed to anger instantly when I saw Mark. "I'm with a loving and caring husband! There are no problems with us. I don't need relationship advice from you. You're with a woman for crying out loud. Can that even be considered a relationship," she spat at me. I felt like she slapped me across the face. She really just turned into one of those ignorant people that say my relationship means nothing. "Thanks for telling me how you really feel." I grabbed my bag from the backseat and walked to the front door. While I was fumbling with my keys I heard her sigh before the car backed out of the driveway. When I got in the house I threw my things down on the ground. I didn't have to worry about my grandma being here because she moved in with my aunt. I went to the living, fell on the couch, and began to cry. ~~~~~~~~~~ "So, you and Allie had a fight," Lauren called from kitchen. She came over to my house a few hours after Allie had left, bringing Japanese food from down the street. Japanese food is my comfort food. "So you've already talked to her," I questioned. "What did she tell you?" "That she started talking shit about Kelly, you defended her, and then you asked what was wrong with her." She came into the living room carrying our food on two plates. "She also said my relationship with Kelly doesn't count because it's with a woman." I took my food from her as she sat beside me on the couch. "Glad I know how she feels about gay couples." "Jess you know she didn't mean that," she sighed. "We all know Allie has a legendary temper that makes her say stupid things." "Maybe," I contemplated, "but none of the things she's said before have been hateful like that." She chewed her food before responding. "She feels terrible about saying that. As soon as she left you she called and was furious with herself. She said she screwed up and didn't mean most of what she said." "She didn't mean most of it, huh," I huffed. Lauren just shook her head at me. She knew I would forgive Allie in my own time. The truth was I had already forgiven her. Like Lauren said, Allie does have a legendary temper and it's gotten her in trouble plenty of times. I also can't stay mad at her. In all that years that I've known her I've never been able to stay mad at her for more than five minutes. "Do you think Kelly is clingy?" "I don't know her, sweetie. All I know of her is that she makes you happy. That's good enough for me," she smiled. "Do you think about Allie at all, in that way I mean, anymore?" I knew this would come up eventually. I might as well just tell her the truth. "I still love her, Lo. I thought being with someone would help, and being with Kelly does, but I can't stop thinking about her. I'm not being fair to Kelly but I don't know how to tell her." I put my food down and took a big gulp of the red wine sitting on the coffee table. "I just don't know what to do." "Oh, sweetie," Lauren put her food down and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?" I laughed. "Tell my heart to stop being a bitch." We talked a little for the rest of the night about my work in the studio and how she was doing at her studio. She left to go back to her house and we decided to meet up tomorrow, with Allie. ~~~~~~~~~~ May 26, 2011 ~~~~~~~~~~ I spent most of last night after Lauren left thinking about Allie. I don't know what her problem is. Was this karma coming back to bite me in the ass for everything I've said about Mark? I really wanted to know and I didn't have to wait long to find out though. My doorbell rang and there was Allie at my front door. "Can we talk," she asked nervously. I stepped aside and watched as her yellow dress flowed in the breeze. I wasn't quite dressed yet, still wearing my black shorts and pink tank top pajamas. We walked to the kitchen and she sat down at the counter while I went to pour myself some coffee. "Do you want a cup," I offered. "No, I'm good, thanks." She paused in what I assume was her trying to gather her words. "Jess, I'm really sorry about yesterday and the past month. You're right, I have been distant from you but it's not what you think. Yes, it's true I don't think Kelly is good for you, but that's not why I've been distant, not exactly anyway." "Well, do you care to explain why you've been distant," I questioned. She looked at me before hopping off of her stool at the counter. She stood close to me and looked me directly in the eyes. I wasn't sure what was going on so I called her on it. "Allie, what--" She kissed me. She actually leaned in and kissed me on the lips. It was so quick that I don't know if it can be classified as a kiss. I was shocked to say the least and I'm sure my facial expression revealed that to her. What shocked me even more was when she leaned in to kiss me again. She put her arms around my shoulders and gave me a quick peck on the lips again, this time however, she caught my bottom lip between her two lips and sucked. My knees buckled at that and she quickly had to move her hands to waist to catch me. "Are you okay," she asked, concern dripping from her voice. I was so dumbfounded all I could do was nod. I wasn't sure what was happening here. If it's even possible she shocked me for a third time when she smiled and kissed me again. She didn't let up and licked at my lips to gain access, which I granted. She flicked her tongue quickly against mine before using hers to explore my entire mouth. Every emotion I had felt about her hit me like a ton of bricks. She was finally giving me what I had wanted for all these years. I felt myself responding to the kiss with just as much fervor as she was giving me. Never breaking the kiss, she backed us up until my back was pressed against the refrigerator. She pinned my arms above my head and moved her lips down to my neck. When she playfully bit my neck I couldn't stop the moan that escaped. My neck is extremely sensitive and she picked up on this very quickly. She stayed there for what could have been hours alternating between licking, kissing, and biting and it was driving me insane. When I couldn't take it anymore I flipped us around so she was against the fridge. By Midnight Instead of kissing her lips I immediately went to her ear and nibbled on it. I moved to her neck, that delectable neck that I've always wanted to have under my mouth, and gently blew air on it before placing a gentle kiss on her skin. I pulled the straps of her dress down her shoulders and placed kisses on both of them. The dress slipped to the ground revealing an almost naked Allie and I drank up the sight. Her entire body had that tanned glow that had been missing yesterday, her breasts looked just big enough to fit in my hands, her nipples were poking out indicating her arousal, her stomach was trembling in what I hope was need, and the white thong she adorned covered her most intimate spot but showed she was clean shaven. I rushed at her. I cupped both of her breasts in my hands and sucked on her left nipple while tweaking the right between my thumb and forefinger. The gasps she emitted spurred me on. I switched to sucking on the right after a while my hand slipped down her stomach. I relished in feeling her abs contract under my hand as it made its way downward. I toyed with the waistband of the thong for a while much to her annoyance. "Please," she gasped. "Jess, please, keep going." I quickly moved my lips to hers and kissed her with all the passion I could muster. I moved my lips from hers to speak. "Not here." "Bedroom," she nearly screamed. We raced down the hall to my bedroom and toppled on my bed with me on top. I resumed my earlier ministrations while she raked her nails down my back over my clothes. I guess she figured I had too many clothes on because I felt her lift the edge of my tank top up until she pulled it to my shoulders. I leaned up and threw the rest of it off then reached back to undo my bra and throw that off as well. She sat up and began kissing across my chest while slipping her hands beneath my shorts. She cupped my ass and gently squeezed causing me to moan. I have plenty of areas on my body that get me going and she was finding all of them. "Get up and take your shorts off," she panted. I definitely wasn't going to argue so the shorts came off. "Panties, too." I lost the panties as well and when I came back to the bed she had other ideas instead of me being on top. She climbed on top of me and when I moved my hands up to reach for her she stopped me. "This is how this is going to work," she said mischievously, smiling. "You're going to keep your hands to yourself and I get to do whatever I want." "But--" She placed a finger on my lips. "Trust me, you'll love it." I would've loved it if I were able to touch the body I've craved after for years. However, I could wait so I nodded my assent. She smiled and pulled my hands above my head. "These stay here," she stated sternly. "Yes ma'am," I laughed. She ran her nails down the length of my arms after placing them above my head, sending shivers throughout my whole body. When she reached the bottom she began placing little kisses starting from neck all the way down to my stomach. I was squirming with need silently begging her to move lower. She went to my left leg and kissed and licked her way down to my foot before coming back up. She did the same with my right and then she came face to face with my pussy. I was already having a hard time keeping my hands above my head, but when she blew air on me I dropped one of my hands to her head. I guess she sensed my desire because she let me keep it there. She took her hands and spread my nether lips open and just stared at me. In her slight pause I was able to start thinking about things. What about Mark and Kelly? What had we just done? I knew I didn't want to hurt Kelly. But that's exactly what I had just done. We betrayed two people we cared about and, honestly I felt terrible but I don't know if I regret it. I also don't know what this was. Why did this happen? Why did she do this? "Allie," I stated, leaning up, "wait a second." "What's wrong," she huffed. "Are you okay?" I was panting and trying to control my breathing while she came over and ran her fingers across my stomach. "What is this? What are we doing?" She sighed and pulled the covers up over herself. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about my wedding." I was confused. "What about your wedding?" "When we were in my room by ourselves and we talked. Before we left you kissed my cheek." She didn't continue. "Okay? I've kissed your cheeks before. What was so different about that time," I prompted. "Is it because you knew how I felt about you? I'm sorry I can't change that, but I don't see what--" "I wanted you to kiss me," she blurted. "I wanted you to kiss me on the lips. I don't know why, I just did. I was expecting it and it never happened. I was so mad at you after you walked out. I haven't thought of anything else since then, and that was over a year ago! Do you know how frustrating that is? You turned everything upside down for me, Jess. The whole year before my marriage I was ready to have kids and start my new life. I had no qualms about anything. Then you decide you're going to profess your love for me. Let me finish," she stopped my impending protest. "You told me you loved me and it became all I could think about every day before my wedding. At first I thought I just wanted to know what it was like to be with another woman, but when I started thinking about it more I knew I wanted to know what it would be like to be with you." She got up from her side of the bed, walked over to the window, and looked out the open window. The sheets were still wrapped around her body and it showed off her delicious curves wonderfully. I walked over to her and started to wrap my arms around her from behind. She moved away. "I can't think when you touch me," she sighed, apologetically. "As much as I wanted to know what it would be like, I couldn't just walk away from Mark a few days before our wedding. So I married him and we went on our honeymoon. When we got back you avoided me, which hurt like hell, but I understood why you did it. Then obviously you left to go to New York. I thought that would be the perfect time to get over whatever it was that was happening. I missed you so much while you were gone; more than a friend should miss another friend. There were days when I didn't even want to get out of bed. Sometimes I skipped meals. Mark thought I was depressed and I think he was right. When you would come home to visit I tried to be cautious around you. I didn't want you to know what was going on until I figured it out myself." She sighed and I could see she was struggling to continue. "Do you want to take a break," I asked. "No," she shook her head. "I need to get this out." She took a deep breath and continued. "When I found out about you meeting Kelly I had this weird feeling of jealousy come over me. I think that was when I really started to understand that I had feelings for you. I began to wonder about how you kiss her. Was it passionate? Would you have kissed me the same way? Did you stop loving me when you met her? It was driving me crazy so I started talking to you less and less. I had no idea what I was going to do. Then you come back here and I realized I still missed you despite everything with Kelly. I lashed out at you because I didn't know what else to do. Feeling this way about you scares me to death." "And how do you feel about me, exactly," I encouraged. "Have you ever heard the saying, 'It's not about whom you can see yourself with, but who you can't see yourself without?' I can see myself with Mark; he's a great guy. But I know I can't live without you. I have to have you in my life. I guess what I'm saying is sometime over the last year I realized I love you as more than a friend. I want to wake up and fall asleep next to you every morning, I want to rush home from work to see you, I want people to look at us and say 'Look at how happy they are.' I love you, Jess, and I want to be with you." I went to hug her and this time she let me. Placing a kiss on the top of her head I whispered, "I never stopped loving you. I don't think I could even if I wanted to." She looked up at me and began kissing me. When she backed us over to the bed I quickly stopped her. "You don't want me," she asked, confusion and hurt soaked her words. "Baby, I want you. I want you more than anything in this world but tonight I just want to hold you." She smiled and pulled us over to the bed and we lay side by side. I don't know exactly what's in store for us, but I know we can handle it together. ~~~~~~~~~~ I hope you guys enjoyed this. Leave comments for me!