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A Night For Natalie

By: TessMackenzie



In a city where Natalie was a stranger, in a part of town crowded with bars and nightclubs and all-night liquor stores, halfway along a street of touts and drunks and bouncers, there was a stretch of road with four strip clubs almost in a row. 

Natalie had noticed it before. Noticed, and remembered, and decided to come back.

She was in town for work, and knew very few people here, and knowing very few people was entirely the point. Tonight, on her own, with her meetings finished, she finally had time for herself. Her time to do this. 

It wasn't the first time she had been into these places, and it wouldn't be the last, and she was never completely sure whether she ought to be ashamed of what she was doing. She was embarrassed, and worried about being caught or recognized, but embarrassment wasn't quite the same as shame. She felt guilty too, sometimes, felt bad for the women who worked in these places. She felt that, but went inside anyway. It was wrong, she thought, but then made herself not care. Not until the morning, she told herself. In the morning, then she'd feel bad. Tonight, now, this was for her. This was her time for herself, her chance to do this, before she went back home to her sensible proper life. 

She walked through the crowd, past loud groups of young men and disdainful groups of young women, past noise flooding out of bars and groups of smokers next to doorways. It was still early. It was just past the end of dinner, and people were moving about. The street was almost busier than the bars were, as Natalie walked past.

She had a way to do this, a way that made her feel safe. She went down the block quickly, her attention on the strip-clubs, looking, but not actually looking. Not making eye contact with the touts outside, not obviously peering into the doorways. She was trying to guess which place was best out the corner of her eye, without actually seeming to care. She kept her coat done up, and walked fast, and didn't look around. Just someone, slightly nervous, on her way to dinner, or a drink, or on her way home. 

No-one noticed her, and that was good. She wove through the groups of the louder drunks, without attracting attention. The touts and bouncers outside the strip-clubs didn't notice her either, even as she glanced inside their clubs. Outside one, the third Natalie passed, two women were standing, talking, wearing tiny dresses. They were calling out to passing men, but they ignored Natalie as she walked past. Natalie was glad. It didn't quite make sense, but she wanted those women once she was inside the club, not out here, on the street. Outside was still her real life, and she didn't want these places or these women to be part of it. Outside she was still herself, not an anonymous customer. If anything she was a little shocked they weren't hiding away inside, ashamed, like she was.

Natalie walked to the end of the block, then turned around and came back.

In a way, despite her nervousness, this part was exciting. Like the thrill of trying a new restaurant, or waiting outside a shop for a sale to start. A murmur of anticipation, mixed with a whisper of uncertainty. Anything could happen, since Natalie didn't know this city. She didn't know any of these strip-clubs, and had to guess which she'd like based on just their doorways. She needed something particular. Privacy, and the right kind of women, and the right kind of strip-club too, one that wasn't too sleazy. Tonight could be wonderful, or it could be awful, and it all depended on the next few minutes, and which place she picked. At least half the times Natalie had done this, something had gone wrong. She'd picked the wrong club, with the wrong people, and everything had just been awkward and a little embarrassing. It had been getting better recently, as she got better at picking, and the recession forced some kind of open-mindedness on these places too. They had become more welcoming for Natalie, but it still wasn't always that way. A dull night was unfortunately common, a good night fairly rare. It all depended on which club Natalie picked, so she was trying to choose well. 

She walked back up the street, slower now, deciding. 

One club had a recessed doorway. Natalie could see a woman in a silver dress just inside it, at a counter, but out of direct sight of the road. It was main road, with a lot of traffic, and that hidden counter decided Natalie. Discretion mattered almost as much as having a good time inside. She timed her walk carefully. Walking slowly, then speeding up, making sure there was no-one right in front the club's doorway at the precise moment she reached it. No-one she had to step past, or bump into and apologise, as she went inside. No-one to notice her, no-one to care. Especially, no cars going past. No cars, with passengers who might recognize her at exactly the wrong moment. That was why she only did this in cities away from home.

She reached the club's doorway, and timed it exactly right. She stepped inside, and no-one was there to see her.

She stepped inside, and stepped forward right away, stood close up against the counter, where she was out of sight of the street. Then stopped, and swallowed, and didn't know what to say.

There would be a cover charge, because there always was. The amount varied, and Natalie was never sure how to ask. She hardly liked to speak at all. 

The woman behind the counter, in the silver dress, was looking at Natalie. She was older, Natalie's age, and probably a retired dancer. She was looking at Natalie like she didn't think Natalie understood where she was. She seemed sympathetic, but she obviously thought Natalie was lost. Oddly, that made Natalie feel worse. It wasn't welcoming. It was everything she didn't want from a place like this.

Natalie almost turned around and left. She would have left, except that she didn't want to go back out into the street, and risk being seen, and have to do this all over again at the next place. She stood where she was, uncertain, waiting, and nothing happened. The woman in the silver dress just looked at her. 

"I'd like to come in," Natalie said, in the end, embarrassed. This part was always uncomfortable. She felt like she was asking permission. Asking as an unwanted guest, to intrude somewhere she shouldn't be. Like going into a pub had been a hundred years ago, when a pub had been a place only for men. This felt like a place just for men, too, even though it wasn't. At least, no-one had ever told Natalie it was. No-one had ever told her to go away. It was a place for her too, if she wanted it to be, and was paying, it just sometimes didn't feel like it, because everyone assumed it wasn't. They assumed that how a strip-club worked was that women danced, and served drinks, and didn't wear clothes, and probably resented being there, and men watched them do those things, and everything was nicely tidy. Those assumptions made Natalie feel guilty, in a very odd way, as if she was letting someone down, and taking the wrong side, and they were all too nice to actually tell her that she wasn't where she ought to be. 

"I'd like to come in," Natalie said, and the woman in the silver dress just nodded. 

"Yeah, love," she said. "Of course. There's a twenty dollar cover."

Natalie nodded, and held out the money. She had guessed the price, and was holding a twenty in her hand. And another twenty in the other hand in case she was wrong and it was more. The woman in the silver dress took her money, and didn't seem to care. She seemed quite disinterested, and Natalie was glad. Once, someone had taken her money and said they were glad to see her, that it was good women could have fun too, these days. It had been meant to be nice, and supportive, but Natalie had just flushed, and left. She never wanted that to happen again. 

The woman in the silver dress held up a stamp. 

"I'd rather not," Natalie said.

"You'll be right. It's invisible."

"Can I not? Please?"

After a moment, a shrug. "If you'd rather."

"Thank you," Natalie said. 

"Yeah, no worries. Have fun."

Natalie said thank you again, and went inside. 

She was relieved. She was excited, and turned on, and glad she was here, and most of all, for the first few moments, she was just glad no-one seemed disgusted with her. For being here. For helping exploit other women. For wanting to look. For all sorts of things, and she didn't really even know what.

She worried a lot, she knew. She worried about this too much. She knew no-one cared, that she was just a customer, but she worried all the same. 

She went through a second doorway, and into the main part of the strip-club. It was almost like a small nightclub inside. A dim, noisy room, half full of men, with a stage and undressed women moving around. There were tables, and booths along the far wall, and a DJ in one corner. There was a bar that started beside the door, beside Natalie, and ran back along the room. 

Natalie had one more thing to organize. She went and stood at the end of the bar, trying to obviously hover. There were a couple of women working there, but both were serving customers. Natalie stood where she was, and waited her turn. 

It was warm inside. Warm enough for a naked work-force, Natalie supposed, but she kept her coat on and done up. A couple of men sitting nearby were looking at her. Maybe assuming, in very dim light and with her coat, that she was starting or ending a shift. She looked away, and avoided their eyes. She still didn't want to be noticed. One of the bouncers was watching her too, and she wasn't quite sure why.

After a moment, one of the bartenders came over to Natalie. Natalie leaned forward, across the bar, and said, "Do you have private rooms?"

"Yeah. You need to see Angela. Down the back."

"Could you organize it? Or ask her to come over here."

The bartender hesitated, but seemed to understand. "Yeah, sure. I'll get her."

She went down the bar, and waved to someone, and pointed to Natalie, which was a little more attention than Natalie had wanted, but it worked. Angela the organizer came over to Natalie. 

"The bartender," Natalie said, and then swallowed. Her mouth was dry. "The woman at the bar said..."

Angela waited. She seemed nice, and approachable, and terrifying because she just waited, looking at Natalie, not trying to guess. She probably shouldn't guess, Natalie thought, not with a job like hers. She probably just ended up offending people if she did. Even though that didn't help Natalie right now. 

"I wanted a private room," Natalie said, as quietly as she could. 

"A dance?"

Natalie nodded.

"That's fine, love," Angela said. "Who with?"

"I don't mind."

Angela seemed surprised.

"Anyone," Natalie said. "I really don't care."

Angela kept looking at her.

"Someone nice," Natalie said. "Someone kind. But could I please not keep standing here where everyone can see me?"

Angela seemed to understand. She started talking. They had a VIP room for dances, she said. She talked about prices and whether Natalie could touch. Natalie took money out her pocket. Four hundred dollars in fifties folded together. She held it out. "Is that enough?"

Angela looked for a moment, then took it. She suddenly seemed a lot more willing to put up with Natalie being difficult. "That's fine," she said. "Right this way."

They went past the bar, and a few people looked, but not many. There was a hallway out the back, and a door with another bouncer, and then a big open room.

Natalie stopped, and looked at Angela. "I want to be on my own."

"There's no-one here at the moment."

"The whole time," Natalie said. She looked back at the main room, at the men watching the dancers. "If anyone else is around, I'm part of the act. Does that make sense? I'm part of it, and I don't want to be. I want to be on my own."

"There's a booth," Angela said. "If anyone else needs the room, we'll pull a curtain across."

Natalie nodded, relieved. "Thank you."

Angela showed Natalie where it was. Off to the side, out of sight of the main room. A couch, a smaller space, kind of an anteroom. 

"Sit down," Angela said. "Do you want a drink or anything?"

Natalie shook her head.

"What's your name?" Angela said. 

"Why?"

"So the girl knows what to call you."

Natalie nodded, but didn't actually speak.

"Any name," Angela said. "It doesn't matter."

"You pick."

After a moment, Angela grinned. "Jane?"

"Sure."

"I'll get one of the girls."

"Um," Natalie said. "You mentioned touching..."

"I did."

"Yes to that. I mean, if I could touch her, that would be good."

Angela nodded and left, and pulled the curtain closed, and Natalie said in a small dim room, listening to bass thump through the wall, and wondered if she ought to feel more ashamed.

The couch was sticky. She moved, tried not to be leaning on it with too much bare skin. She'd need to get the coat cleaned when she was done.

Someone opened the curtain. A woman, a dancer, in a bra and undies and kind of a robe thing. What Natalie's fluffy robe at home would be if it was see-through and only went down to her thighs.

"Jane?" the dancer said.

Natalie nodded.

"I'm Jasmine."

Jasmine came in, and pulled the curtain closed.

"Um," Natalie said. "Could you make sure that's..."

Jasmine looked up, looked at the curtain for a moment, and then said, "Yeah, sure." She reached up, and straightened it, and made sure it was closed. "Is that good?"

Natalie nodded. "Thank you."

"So I'm Jasmine," Jasmine said. "Hi. Do you want a drink or anything?"

"I'm fine."

"You're sure? There's a bar. I can get you whatever you'd like?"

Natalie shook her head.

"Fair enough," Jasmine said. She was swaying a little, half-dancing without realizing. She fiddled with a switch on the wall. Suddenly the booth wasn't quite so dim, although the light was redder, and the music was louder too. 

"So," Jasmine said. "There's rules."

Natalie nodded. She'd heard rules before, but they seemed to differ in each place, so she listened politely while Jasmine explained. The rules here were that Natalie could touch anywhere except Jasmine's vagina. Jasmine actually said vagina, to Natalie's surprise. Natalie almost asked, just to make sure. She almost said what, she could touch Jasmine's mound, her pussy lips too, but only if she was very careful not to put a finger inside. Natalie thought it, but didn't actually ask. She just nodded, instead. She understood what Jasmine meant, and this was already embarrassing enough without trying to be funny. No touching between Jasmine's legs, which was a lot more generous than some places were. 

"Yes," Natalie said. "Of course. I won't, don't worry."

Jasmine smiled, and started to dance. Dance deliberately, Natalie thought, not just swaying to the music. Natalie watched her, and wanted to touch. She made herself not, just because she could. Drawing this out, anticipating touches later. 

Jasmine was still talking, as she began to dance. They had as long as Natalie wanted, she said. An hour and a half, even two, if Natalie liked.

Natalie was surprised. "That long?"

Jasmine grinned. "You kind of overpaid."

"Oh," Natalie said. She guessed she had, but hadn't realized by how much. Maybe this club was cheaper than some were, she thought. 

"I might need a break, though," Jasmine said. "Partway through. If that's okay?"

"Of course," Natalie said. "Whenever you want."

Jasmine nodded, and danced a little more. 

Natalie watched, half looking at her, half not, uncomfortably. She didn't want to meet Jasmine's eyes, because she felt terrible about doing this to her. About being part of exploiting her, even as she was. 

It was tricky, not making eye contact in a small booth, with Jasmine right in front of her, and moving around as she danced. Jasmine seemed to notice. "You should look at me," she said. "I don't mind."

"I know," Natalie said. Her mouth was dry again. She swallowed. 

"Look at me," Jasmine said. "Really. It's fine."

Natalie nodded, but still didn't, not especially, because she didn't necessarily want to look. She wanted to hold and touch and stroke, as much as she did to look. 

She wanted a lot of things, she thought. She wanted beauty and she wanted squalid paid lust and she wanted to have what other people had, for a moment, someone she desired in her hands. She wanted all that, and she wanted to be spoiled, too, spoiled like she was at a hairdresser or a spa. She wanted to be spoiled, except by naked people. Naked women, like Jasmine, and she wanted someone to flirt with her a little bit as well. Someone to take off all her clothes, and be there for Natalie, making Natalie feel special. She wanted a lot of different, complicated things, and she didn't really understand a lot of them. She wanted this, and she didn't really know why. She just wanted it, she supposed. She wanted it, and at the same time she felt guilty, too. Guilty, and part of a problem she couldn't even really describe. She didn't know what to do, so she sat, staring at Jasmine, avoiding her eyes.

Jasmine was watching her, watching and thinking as she danced. 

"Hey," Jasmine said, and sat on the couch beside Natalie. "You don't seem completely relaxed. If you don't mind me saying so."

"Maybe not completely."

"What's up?"

"I don't know."

"Yeah you do. You think you're exploiting me."

"Aren't I?"

Jasmine shrugged.

"Don't you care?" Natalie said.

Jasmine shrugged again. 

"I am," Natalie said. "I must be. And you're..."

"Not arguing about it, so it must be true?"

"Isn't it?"

Jasmine didn't answer. Natalie looked at her, and suddenly saw her as a person, and wasn't sure she liked that, not really, not right now. 

"Maybe we should stop," Natalie said. "I don't know this is a completely fair thing to be doing to you."

"Don't worry about me."

"I ought to, though, oughtn't I?"

Jasmine shrugged, and seemed to be thinking. As if she didn't know how to react to Natalie's reluctance. That wasn't unreasonable, Natalie thought. She knew she was being ridiculous, sitting in a strip-club, with a half-naked dancer she'd paid, having her crisis of conscience and morality a little too late to actually be useful. She knew, but she was having it anyway, and Jasmine didn't seem to mind. She was going to get paid either way, Natalie supposed. 

"Are you worried because you're not sure you want to be here?" Jasmine said.

"Because I don't know whether you are, I think."

"I'm sure. I'm good. It's a job."

"But still."

"It's a better job than some. And dancing for you is a better way to spend a couple of hours than probably anyone else I'll meet all week."

"You don't mind I'm not a man?"

"Nah. You're fine."

Natalie sat there.

"It's really fine," Jasmine said, and suddenly seemed to decide something. Decide how to deal with Natalie. "Look at me," she said. "Pretend I'll get offended if you don't like me dancing."

"Will you?"

Jasmine shrugged again, carefully ambivalent. "Well I practice a lot, so I'd like to think I'm good at it."

"You are."

"So watch me. In fact, undo the coat. Take it off. Relax a bit."

Natalie didn't move, so Jasmine reached over and undid the top button of her coat. Natalie kept sitting, unmoving, just watching, so Jasmine undid the rest as well. Natalie had a suit on underneath. She'd been in meetings, for work, and had decided to do this at the last minute.

"That's nice," Jasmine said, although Natalie had a feeling she would have said that no matter what Natalie was wearing. 

"I came from work."

"Oh. What do you do?"

Natalie didn't answer. Jasmine looked at her, waiting, and Natalie still didn't answer.

Jasmine seemed to understand, after a moment. "Yeah, fair enough," she said, and grinned. "No worries. So how about you tell me a name that isn't quite so completely fake, and we leave it at that."


A Night For Natalie



"Natalie," Natalie said. 

"See, that's better."

"That's my real name."

Jasmine looked at her, thinking. 

"It is," Natalie said. "I promise."

"Why did you tell me that?"

Natalie shrugged. It was her turn to shrug when questions became uncomfortable. "I don't know."

"Yeah," Jasmine said. "Okay. I'm Kate."

Natalie looked at her.

"Real name," Kate said. "I fucking swear." She held out her hand. "Hi."

Natalie took it, and shook.

"So perhaps we start again," Kate said. "I'm Kate. I'd really like to take off my clothes and dance for you. And maybe on you. And you can touch me and stuff if you want to."

"All right."

"So is there anything particular you'd like me to do?"

"That," Natalie said, wanting to blush. "All of that." 

"But anything particular?"

"I don't know. Like what?"

"Like anything. Like dance some way. Like sit on you. Anything."

Natalie shook her head.

Jasmine kept looking at her. No, Natalie thought, not Jasmine. Kate kept looking at her. Kate Kate Kate.

"Sit on you some particular way," Kate said. "Like maybe giving you a lap-dance. Except maybe in some way that will work on you a bit better than maybe it would on a guy."

Natalie did actually flush, then. She looked away. She looked around the room, and after a moment she said, "I don't know what you mean."

"Yeah you do."

Natalie shook her head.

"You overpaid," Kate said. "So you must want something. And you're here, with me, which I'm pretty sure means you have some idea what I could possibly do with you. So don't bullshit me that you don't know what I mean."

"I know what you mean," Natalie said.

"Good. So I'll do what you want, up to a point."

Natalie thought about that. "What do you mean? Up to a point?"

"You know what I mean."

Natalie swallowed. She actually didn't, but she wasn't going to argue. 

"What do you want?" Kate said. "Tell me and I'll tell you how close to the point we are."

Natalie's mouth was dry. She couldn't answer.

"Okay," Kate said, after a moment. "So when you decide, you tell me. And then we'll see."

Natalie wasn't sure what to say.

"Anything," Kate said again. "Up to a point,"

"All right."

"So if you think of anything..."

"I'll say."

"Good." Kate said, and stood up. "So in the meantime, I might as well do something useful, since we're here."

Natalie nodded. "All right."

"Here and waiting..." Kate said.

Natalie just looked at her.

Kate grinned, and started dancing. Dancing like a stripper, slowly undressing, like it was almost a habit, something she started doing when she wasn't thinking about anything else. She was fiddling with the straps of her bra, and with her undies on her hip, sliding cloth up and down, doing it in a way which made Natalie think she ought to care. Oddly, Natalie didn't. Perhaps because she was wearing all the same things underneath her clothes too, perhaps because she really wanted to touch, not watch. She watched all the same, feeling strangely unmoved. She wondered, for a moment, if this was how Kate undressed when she got home at night. If hours spent working here made her take off her clothes in peculiar ways even when she was alone. 

Kate danced. "So how's your night been?" she said, after a while.

"Okay." Natalie sat there for a moment. "Yours?"

"You know. Work."

Natalie nodded.

"And then you," Kate said.

Natalie wasn't sure what that meant.

Kate took off her bra, and her breasts were bare, but Natalie didn't feel as interested as she probably ought to be. Breasts weren't really sexy, Natalie had always thought. More, they were just in the way. She preferred legs and arm and shoulders. It was odd to be in the room with such recklessly bare tits, though. That was almost odd in itself. It reminded her of the gym, and how there was always someone who just wandered around naked, while everyone else got dressed quickly. It felt as if that woman was Kate, and was suddenly right there with Natalie, chatting as she stood there, and Natalie somehow couldn't look away. 

This wasn't sexy, Natalie thought. Not like this. Something was going wrong. She wanted to touch, and she didn't know how to ask, because now she'd been talking to Kate, and knew her name, she didn't feel comfortable asking Kate for anything in case she somehow pressured Kate into doing more than she wanted to.

Instead, Natalie sat, and watched Kate's moving body. Her smooth skin, and the swaying flow of her hips. She liked Kate's hip. She wanted to touch Kate's hip. She moved her hand a little, lifting it up, then changed her mind and put it back at her side.

Kate noticed. She had been watching Natalie watch her. "You can touch me," Kate said, and Natalie nodded, but she still didn't move.

"You can," Kate said. "It's really okay."

Natalie swallowed. "You don't mind?"

"Nah."

"You're sure? Because..."

"I'm sure."

This whole thing was becoming a complicated mix of sexy and exploitative and creepy. It was awful, Natalie thought. She was horrified at herself, more than she usually was in these places, probably because now she knew Kate's name. Suddenly, she wasn't sure she wanted to be part of making someone to do these things for her. She wasn't sure, except that obviously she did, because she was still here. She was confused, and starting to despair. 

"I'm sure," Kate said again, and took Natalie's hands, and put them on her breasts, and that made everything simpler.

Natalie left her hands there for a moment, holding gently, to be polite. Then she moved slowly, sliding her fingers down Kate's sides, to her hips, touching where she really wanted to touch. She felt smooth warm skin, and watched her fingers move, and was suddenly interested again. She followed the curve of Kate's hip, the shape of her body. She reached around behind Kate's back and felt the little curved part of her just above her underwear, where her back became her ass. She liked that part of people, and she stroked it for a moment. Then she realized Kate was watching her, grinning. 

"There you go," Kate said.

Natalie snatched her hands away.

Kate grabbed one, and put it back. "I knew there had to be something," Kate said. She started to turn around, so her back was towards Natalie.

"No," Natalie said. "Like this, please."

She didn't quite know why. She liked the shape Kate made there, she supposed. She liked how Kate felt. 

Kate stayed as she was. 

Natalie felt guilty. She almost felt ashamed. She wanted to take her hand away, but Kate held on, tight, with both of hers, making Natalie leave it there. Kate was very close, with one knee on the couch, warm beside Natalie's leg. 

"It's fine," Kate said. "It really is. Just touch me how you want to."

Kate seemed to be waiting. She wasn't dancing any more. After a moment, unsure what else to do, Natalie went back to stroking. She slid her hands up Kate's sides, and down her tummy, touching leg and hip and the lacy cloth of Kate's underwear.

"I'll take those off if you like?" Kate said. 

Natalie bit her lip, then nodded.

Kate did so quickly, just undressing like a normal person, not turning it into part of a show. That made Natalie feel less awkward, somehow. As if Kate was simply taking something off, somewhere normal like a bedroom, rather than here, stripping, for Natalie.

Kate stood where she'd been, completely naked. Her pussy was right there. Natalie looked. She looked closely, and didn't know quite why she did. Because she was being asked to, perhaps. Because it was impolite not to, here and now. Because Kate was attractive, and she wanted to. She wasn't completely sure. 

"Do you like that?" Kate said.

"Yes," Natalie said. "But can we not talk about that, please?"

"Yep," Kate said. "Of course, if you'd rather not."

"Thank you. I know I'm acting a bit strangely..."

"You're fine, I promise."

Natalie nodded, and kept looking at Kate. Kate didn't move.

"So," Kate said. "Nice weather we've been having lately, isn't it?"

Natalie looked up. Kate was grinning. "What?" Kate said. "You said not to talk about me."

"Please?" Natalie said. "Don't do that."

"I'm sorry," Kate said, but kept grinning as she did. "So not talk at all?" she said. "Would that be better?"

"Um yes," Natalie said. "If you didn't mind."

"Of course," Kate said. "I'll just stand here then, shall I?"

Natalie wasn't sure if Kate was teasing. It was hard to tell from her expression. "Don't," Natalie said. "Please?"

"Oh, you meant just stand here quietly," Kate said, still grinning.

"Please," Natalie said. "Just please."

Natalie felt slightly desperate, and Kate suddenly seemed to realize. She nodded, and said, "Sorry," and actually looked almost guilty.

Then Natalie felt awful, because she'd made Kate feel guilty. It shouldn't be that way around. It should be the opposite. Natalie had made Kate take her clothes off in a public place, and bare herself like this, but now Kate was the one feeling guilty, and that didn't seem right.

Natalie looked up at Kate, upset. 

"Hey," Kate said. "Stop it."

"What?"

"I can see it on your face. You're worrying about something."

"I'm not."

"You are, and stop."

Natalie didn't answer. 

"I won't talk," Kate said. "But don't you do that either, okay?"

"All right," Natalie said.

Kate reached down, and caught both of Natalie's hands, and pulled them towards herself. "Legs," she said. "Yeah? Not tits?"

Natalie flushed, embarrassed she was that obvious, but didn't bother answering, since Kate already seemed to know. 

Kate put Natalie's hands on the front of her legs. On her thighs, which were smooth and warm and a little slippery with oil. She held Natalie's hands there for a moment, against herself, watching Natalie as she did, then took her own hands away, leaving Natalie's behind. 

"You touch," Kate said. "And I'll keep quiet, okay?"

Natalie nodded. Slowly, she slid her hands up Kate's legs. Feeling her skin. Feeling the smoothness of her. She stroked, liking how Kate felt, enjoying herself, until, quite suddenly, she had an awful thought. 

"That doesn't tickle does it?" Natalie said.

"What?"

"Am I tickling you?" 

"You're fine," Kate said, sounding like she thought that was funny. After a moment she added, "I really couldn't do this job if I was ticklish."

Suddenly, Kate was smiling, like she was about to laugh, and for just a second it seemed like Natalie was seeing some part of the real her. Natalie wanted to see the real Kate, she wanted to a lot, but at the same time she didn't, not at all. She wanted to leave Kate her privacy. She didn't want to intrude. She didn't want to take more from Kate than Kate was offering. The intensity of her wanting made Natalie feel guilty, and quite awful. She felt awful, and excited, somehow both at the same time. 

She almost took her hands away again. 

"No," Kate said, and grabbed Natalie's wrists, pulling Natalie's hands back against herself. Against the top of her legs. She slid both their hands up to the top of her thighs, then over her hips, and over her tummy, watching Natalie carefully. Then down her tummy, so Natalie's hands were pointed at her mound, and sliding silkily over her skin. 

Then she let go.

Natalie swallowed, and slid her hands a little further on her own. She was about to touch Kate's mound. Touch where hair would probably have begun, if Kate wasn't shaved all over. Natalie was turned on. Her hands were trembling a little, and her breath was shallow, and she was a little wet herself.

Suddenly she was worrying again, too.

"How close can I get?" Natalie said. She was uncomfortable asking, but didn't want to make a mistake. She was uncomfortable even needing to ask, but she desperately didn't want to upset Kate. 

"You're fine," Kate said. "I'll tell you."

Natalie hesitated, then took her hands away.

Kate seemed confused. "Go on," she said. "You can. I want you to."

Something about the way she said it seemed a little too automatic. She was pretending now, Natalie thought. This wasn't the real Kate any more. 

"Don't," Natalie said. "Please."

Kate looked at her.

"Don't pretend," Natalie said. "All right?"

Kate didn't answer.

"I'd really rather you just be you," Natalie said. 

"I don't know what you mean."

Natalie thought about that, and then nodded. She wasn't going to insist, and get too personal, and make Kate do anything she didn't want to do. 

"Maybe I'll dance for a bit," Kate said.

"Of course," Natalie said. 

Kate danced. After a few minutes, she moved Natalie's coat, opening it out onto either side of Natalie, and then sat on Natalie's lap. She sat, and wriggled, and slid herself up and down. The way strippers danced on men, Natalie thought. They way they were dancing, right now, out in the main part of the club. Kate was sliding up and down, pushing her chest into Natalie, holding onto Natalie's hands and arms. It was nice enough, Natalie thought. Perhaps a little odd, a little too obviously impersonal after how they'd been talking, and a little too much like just being sat on as well, but it was nice, for what it was. She liked what Kate was doing.

"Yeah?" Kate said. "That's good?"

Natalie nodded.

Kate danced a little longer, carefully on Natalie's lap. Then she turned around, so her back was towards Natalie, and Natalie, almost despite herself, started touching again. She stroked the smooth skin at the bottom of Kate's spine, then rested her hands on Kate's hips as Kate moved. Kate looked back, behind herself, and grinned.

"That doesn't tickle?" Natalie said.

Kate shook her head. "It's nice."

Natalie didn't believe her, but didn't want to say that. Her expression must have shown what she was thinking, because Kate said, "Yeah, I know. But really."

Natalie left her hands on Kate's hips, but suddenly she wasn't so sure that she should. She was feeling a little guilty again. Even the slightest doubt that Kate was pretending put her off what they were doing.

Kate seemed to realize. She turned around again, and knelt across Natalie, and pushed herself forward, pressing her tits against Natalie's face. 

Natalie turned her face away. 

"Sorry," Kate said. "I don't have to..."

"No," Natalie said. "It's just... my makeup."

Kate grinned, and stopped pushing quite as much.

"Hey," Natalie said. "Um. You don't need to dance if you'd rather not."

"I don't mind."

"I mean, if you want to just sit there?"

Kate grinned. "Sure. Sit here?"

"Yes."

"Right here?"

Natalie nodded.

"On you?"

"Please."

Kate stopped moving, and put her arms up, and stretched for a moment. "That's better," she said, wriggling her back a little. 

Natalie smiled, and felt like they were being honest again. She wanted to leave Kate alone to rest, but despite herself, she touched. She hadn't completely meant to, but found her hands sliding across Kate's tummy, and along her arms. She touched Kate's breasts, caressing, for some reason more comfortable touching them now. Kate watched her, smiling, and it was actually easier that way, Natalie thought, being able to glance up at Kate's face, and make sure she didn't seem to mind. As long as she could see Kate's expression, Natalie didn't feel like she was exploiting her, because if Kate didn't mind, then it was both of them doing something slightly awful, but as equals. Not just Natalie, taking advantage, forcing Kate to do something she disliked.

"So have you done this before?" Kate said, after a moment. "Been to a club like this?"

Natalie nodded slowly, and kept stroking Kate's hips. It was nice to touch her gently, while they talked. 

"For real you have?" Kate said. "Or just that you think you should say that?"

"For real."

"And you keep coming back?"

"Yes."

Kate nodded. "But always out the back? Like this?"

"Not the first time, but everyone else who was there, the men..." Natalie stopped.

"They looked at you as well?"

Natalie shrugged.

"Like you were part of the show?" Kate said. 

"I suppose."

"So you'd rather be back here?"

Natalie nodded.

"Where only I'm the show?" Kate said.

"Don't," Natalie said, uncertainly.

Kate grinned. "We could have come to you," she said. "To your place. If you wanted more privacy."

Natalie shook her head.

"For next time," Kate said. "Just so you know."

"I can't," Natalie said. "That wouldn't work."

Kate looked at her, thinking. "Why. Are you married?"

Natalie didn't answer.

"It's fine," Kate said. "I don't care. We get everyone in here."

Natalie wanted to be honest, although she wasn't quite sure why. "Not married," she said, uncomfortably. "Not any more. But it would be awkward if anyone knew I was here, that's all. And I like this too, sometimes. I like a place like this, the music and people and how it's all so, I don't know, desperately sordid."

"Hey," Kate said.

"Oh god," Natalie said. "I didn't mean... Here is sordid, not you."

"Yeah, of course," Kate said, but she was grinning. 

"I really... I wasn't being rude to you," Natalie said.

"I know."

"Fuck," Natalie said. "I mean..."

"I know what you meant. And it is. And don't worry."

"I really didn't mean you."

Kate shrugged. "Okay."

They sat a little longer. Kate watched Natalie play with her breasts. 

"Not married any more to who?" Kate said.

"How do you mean?"

"Not married to a man? Or not married to a woman?"

"A woman," Natalie said. She shifted her hands, and touched the insides of Kate's legs, almost in her own lap, stroking slowly. 

After a while, Kate said, "I've got a kid."

Natalie looked up, unsure why Kate had said that.

"Just so you know," Kate said. "Since you're telling me shit about you, I will too. I'm a student and I've got a kid, so I do this. Because the hours."

Natalie nodded.

"Nothing to say?" Kate said.

"Not really. I don't have a kid. I never got around to it."

Kate looked at her for a moment. "That wasn't what I meant."

"I know. And I don't really have anything to say about that either. I mean, I'm here, so..."

"Fair enough," Kate said. "Want me to dance some more?" 

"If you'd like to," Natalie said. 

"Want me to dance just for you?"

Natalie looked at her, puzzled. "How do you mean?" she said. 

Kate reached down and moved Natalie's leg. Moved it sideways, a little way apart, so Kate could slide her knee in between Natalie's legs and press them closer together. 

"You know why, right?" Kate said, looking down at their legs. "You've done this before?"

Natalie didn't answer.

"If you were married to a woman," Kate said. "You must know why."

"I know why," Natalie said softly.

"So tell me if you don't want me doing this. I mean, if this isn't what you want..."

Natalie closed her mouth, deliberately silent.

"Good," Kate said, and leaned against Natalie, and started moving again. 

Now Kate was moving more slowly, more fluidly, like oil against Natalie. Sliding, pressing close, her leg between Natalie's, her bare skin warm through Natalie's clothes. Kate's knee was pressing upwards, high between Natalie's thighs, and as she moved it higher, Kate was watching Natalie's face. Watching, as if trying to work out what Natalie was feeling, and trying to decide what to do.

It was sexy, Natalie thought. It was sleazy and wrong and very sexy too, and after a moment, watching Natalie, Kate seemed to see that in Natalie's face.

Kate's expression changed, and Natalie wasn't sure why. Kate suddenly seemed thoughtful, and perhaps a little sad as well. She moved, leaning closer, pulling Natalie against herself. Pulling, so that Natalie's face was against her shoulder, and her chin was over Natalie's head. She held Natalie there, looking over and past her, sliding with her knee more obviously now, so it was clear what she was doing. So Natalie was lifting herself against Kate, and breathing faster, and closing her eyes. So Natalie was being held, and almost being fucked. It still seemed a little like dancing, Natalie thought. Kate was swaying her hips, and her shoulders too, and sliding her hands on Natalie. It was almost dancing, except it wasn't, and it was almost sex too. 




A Night For Natalie



Then Kate put her mouth against Natalie's ear and whispered, "I'll get you off for another hundred."

Natalie stopped moving, and looked up at Kate. "How do you mean?" she said.

"I'll get you off. With my knee. Or my hand. If you want me to."

Natalie swallowed, her mouth dry. She was suddenly unsure.

"Don't you want me to?" Kate said.

Natalie didn't answer. She felt awful. She felt desperate. She wanted to say yes, but wasn't sure she should. 

She sat there, shocked, utterly ashamed it had come to this. That Kate was even offering, and that Natalie wasn't immediately saying no. She wanted to say no, but she also wanted Kate to do this. She wanted Kate to fuck her and she didn't care if she had to pay. She didn't care if it was wrong, or how Kate felt afterwards. She needed this desperately, and she didn't want it to stop. In a perfect world, she thought, they'd fuck each other just because. Because there was a connection, and they had fun, and because Kate just liked Natalie. In a perfect world, that would happen, but Natalie knew it wasn't going to. She knew the person she imagined Kate to be didn't really exist, and even if she did, she wouldn't be here, at work, in a place like this. 

Natalie wanted a lot of things, but knew none of them were going to happen. So fucking Kate because Kate was being paid, maybe that would do instead.

Kate seemed to misunderstand Natalie's silence. "How much money have you got on you?" she said.

Natalie decided. She reached into her coat pocket and took out another two hundred dollars. She had it in case she'd needed more, in case she hadn't liked the first dancer the club sent, and had needed to ask for another. She'd had it in case Kate hadn't been perfect, she supposed, but as it turned out, Kate was. Kate was perfect, so now there was another use for that money.

Natalie decided that she didn't really care.

"Okay," Kate said, and smiled. She smiled a little sadly. "Good," she said, and reached for the money.

Natalie moved her hand. She suddenly felt more confident. Now this was just about money, she felt more sure of herself. She moved her hand away from Kate's. "What about cameras," she said.

Kate looked at her.

"There's a camera in here, right?" Natalie said.

"No-one looks at it."

"But there is one."

Kate stood up, and did something to the switch on the wall. The music became quieter, the lights dimmer. She pushed a button, so it clicked like an intercom, and said, "I'm fine. Everything's fine. We'll be out in a bit."

Then she slid back onto Natalie and said, "No cameras."

Natalie looked at her, wondering if she could believe that. 

"I promise," Kate said. "You know my name. You know I have a kid. Trust me. No cameras."

"And everyone knows what we're doing in here."

"Yeah, maybe," Kate said. "But I don't mind if you don't." She grinned again, and for a second, it was another flash of the real her. 

That glimpse was almost enough, Natalie thought. She almost gave in right then. She wanted this. She wanted Kate, any way she could have her. She made herself think anyway. She sat there, telling herself this was awful. Telling herself she was buying another person, forcing this on someone she actually liked, and who deserved better. She told herself that, but ached to do it all the same, and she was fairly sure that in the end the aching was going to win. 

Kate waved her hand in front of Natalie's face, and that wave was her as well. That wave made everything worse, and better, both at once. 

"Well?" Kate said. "Are we?"

"I'm thinking."

"Okay..." Kate said.

"Do you mind doing it?" Natalie said. "I mean, do you feel... Is it completely awful if I ask you to."

Kate shook her head, seeming bored again. "Nah, not awful."

"Don't just tell me that. Answer seriously. This feels like I'm... I don't know."

"I really don't mind."

"You do for other people?"

Kate looked at her, and didn't answer.

"I like you," Natalie said. "But please be honest. You've done this before, right? Offered that to people?"

"Yeah. But..."

"To men?"

"Yeah."

"Women?"

Kate looked at her, then shook her head.

"But you've done it before with a woman?" Natalie said. 

Kate hesitated, and then slowly nodded.

Natalie was relieved. It seemed worse if Kate hadn't before. If she had, Natalie thought, then the rest didn't matter. Natalie decided she would. She decided she needed this. She would deal with her conscience in the morning, but for now, this was her night for herself. 

She held out the money, slowly. Kate took it, took a hundred, and held the rest out to give it back.

"Keep it," Natalie said.

Kate seemed surprised. 

"Just take it," Natalie said.

"No."

"Please?" 

"I'm not..." Kate said.

"I know. But take it."

Kate didn't look sure. "This is just for my hand or leg, though, right?" Kate said. 

"Yes."

"Because I'm not going down on you. I don't do that."

Natalie wondered if Kate meant for customers, or for women. She didn't think she wanted to ask. She just nodded.

Natalie looked at Kate, and wondered what she was doing. She felt needy and awful, both at the same time. She felt aroused, and desperate, and some self-loathing too. She wanted Kate, and she wanted just to leave. She couldn't think any more. 

Kate leaned over, and put the money with her clothes, on the arm of the couch, then sat back onto Natalie's lap. She stroked Natalie's thigh, her hip. "Hand or leg?" she said.

"How do you mean?"

"Do you want me to use my hand? Or my leg."

Natalie swallowed. She felt Kate's fingers, warm through the wool of her suit. "Your hand," she said. "Please."

"Hitch up," Kate said. "Let me get in." 

Natalie did. 

Kate kept looking at Natalie, as she undid Natalie's suit trousers. Natalie didn't have a belt, because she didn't usually bother. Kate unfastened the button at the top of her trousers, and undid the zipper, and then glanced down. 

"Nice," Kate said, and Natalie wasn't sure what. Skin or legs or undies or something else, Natalie didn't care.

Kate reached into Natalie's open trousers, and maneuvered quite deftly. She slid her hand into Natalie's undies, and further, onto Natalie. Onto Natalie's lips, and between them a little, and then leaned forward and breathed, "You're wet," into Natalie's ear.

Like she was proud, and maybe she was. She'd done it to Natalie, after all. 

Natalie didn't answer. She closed her eyes, sat there. 

"You're so wet," Kate said again, as if she wanted some response.

"Because of you," Natalie said.

"Yeah," Kate said. "Because of me." As if that meant something. As if it mattered to her.

Kate's hand felt good. Kate felt good. 

Of course she felt good, Natalie thought. She was getting Natalie off. 

Natalie wasn't sure she should be doing this, even now. She felt uncomfortable. She felt awkward, and dirty, and involved in something terrible. She was also a little worried about Kate's fingers inside her, and what else Kate might have touched tonight. 

Natalie was worried, but at the same time she didn't care, because Kate's hand felt so good. All of Kate felt good. Kate was sitting across Natalie's legs, her hand in Natalie's trousers, her other arm around Natalie's back. She was sliding her fingers along Natalie's lips, stroking slowly, reaching far enough to press the back of her hand onto Natalie, and slip the tips of her fingers inside. She began to rub faster, to make Natalie gasp. She was holding Natalie as she did, pulling Natalie's face against her shoulder, hugging Natalie, as if she wanted to avoid eye contact, as if she couldn't do this if she was being watched. 

She was avoiding Natalie's eyes, but suddenly Natalie didn't care. She was being fingered, and was wet against Kate's hand. She was being held, and touched, and fingered, and right then nothing else mattered. 

"That feels nice," Natalie said.

"Yeah."

"I'm really close," Natalie whispered.

"I know."

"I am."

Kate kept rubbing. Natalie was almost there, far quicker than she expected. 

"Hey," Kate whispered, and Natalie looked up. 

Kate kissed her. Kissed her gently, her mouth open, while she rubbed with her hand. "Look at me," Kate whispered. "Watch me while you do."

"I will," Natalie said. "I am."

Kate kissed her again. Kissed, and whispered, "I never do this, I never kiss, but I am with you."

Natalie looked at her, wondering if that was true.

"I promise," Kate said, and Natalie didn't know whether to believe her. 

She didn't know, but it worked all the same. She kissed, and sighed, and suddenly came. Came while her tongue was in Kate's mouth, and while Kate held her, like this actually meant something.

She closed her eyes, and kissed, and sighed, and breathed in the smell of Kate's shampoo and skin. She breathed her in, and felt herself come, and was grateful Kate had let her pretend. 

The pretence only lasted a moment, only until Natalie had finished. When she had, Kate slipped her hand out of Natalie's clothes, and slid herself backwards off Natalie. She wiped her hand on the bare skin of her back. It was all she had, Natalie supposed. She wiped, and then just stood there, smiling politely, suddenly seeming quite distant. There had been a moment of actual intimacy, Natalie thought. That kiss, and Kate's stare as Natalie came. That had been momentarily real, but now Kate was all business. 

"That was nice," Kate said, and it sounded insincere, as if she was saying it by habit. "I had fun."

Natalie had a feeling Kate said that a lot. That it was what she said after she finished anyone off, made anyone come, no matter who they were or what she'd done.

Kate seemed embarrassed, now it was over. Like this was a little awkward, and she just wanted to get away. Like maybe she'd gone a bit far, and didn't normally offer handjobs. Or maybe she did, but just felt uncomfortable standing around afterwards, admitting to herself what she'd done. 

"Are you okay?" Natalie said.

Kate nodded.

Natalie felt awful. She felt guilty again, and utterly awful. She didn't know what to say next.

"Are you really?" Natalie said.

"I'm fine," Kate said. "It's fine. Really, don't worry about it." 

"I don't believe you."

Kate shrugged. "Well, I am," she said. Her voice was a bit flat, though. A bit too cheerful. Like she was playing a part again now, again, and a few minutes earlier she'd been her.

Natalie wanted to cry. "Fuck," she said. "I'm sorry, I..."

Kate shook her head, and picked up her clothes and the money. "Don't," she said.

"I'm so sorry."

Kate leaned over Natalie, and kissed her again, on the forehead. "It's really fine," she said.

"It's not. I..."

But Kate was gone. She went through the curtain, and disappeared.

Natalie sat there, wanting to be horrified at what she'd done. Kate was upset. Natalie thought she'd seen tears in her eyes, as well as some kind of terrible woe on her face. Natalie had put that woe there, had made it so Kate felt upset, and that was completely wrong. Natalie felt awful, but at the same time, she'd just come, and so almost felt relaxed and happy. She ought to feel terrible, but she didn't at all, and that made her feel worse. 

She did up her trousers, and wondered what to do. If she should go, or wait for someone to come and get her. In the end she stood up, and was about to slip away, when Angela the organizer reappeared. 

"All done?" Angela said.

Natalie nodded.

"Did you have fun?" Angela said. "Jasmine's a lovely girl."

Natalie looked at her for a moment, trying to work out who Jasmine was. Then she realized, and nodded again.

"Quiet one, hey?" Angela said. "That's fine. Come on love, we'll sneak you out the back way if you like."

"Oh," Natalie said. "Yes, thank you."

Angela showed here. There was a fire door down the back of the private room, which led out into an alleyway.

"There you go," Angela said. "All private."

"Thank you," Natalie said, and looked outside. 

"Hold on, love," Angela said. "Stay put a moment. I'm having one of the security guys come around."

Natalie stood where she was, and waited, until a man came down the alleyway.

"There you go," Angela said. 

Natalie stepped out, and turned to say thanks, but Angela was already pulling the door closed.

She was gone from Angela's mind, and probably from Kate's too. That meant something, she supposed. How tonight had mattered to her, but how quickly it was over for everyone else.

She walked down the alley with the bouncer, and said thank you to him too, then went back to her hotel, and the next day, went back home and got on with her life. She still felt guilty about Kate, a few days later when she considered it. She felt guilty, but still knew that next time, when she went away for work, she'd probably do this all again. That probably meant something too.