12 comments/ 36278 views/ 29 favorites A Gift from Mother Christmas By: ScattySue Here, dear reader, for your pleasure and enjoyment, is my entry for the Winter Holidays Story Contest 2014. My thanks, as ever, to my wonderful editor Winterreisser for his careful and thoughtful work in correcting, honing and perfecting the story. As this is a competition entry, please do take a moment to rate this story as it is your votes that determine the result. Of course, if you feel moved to send me some feedback as well, then that would be wonderful. ============================================ Many times we are given what we want and our lives travel on unchanged. Just occasionally, however, we receive what we really need and we are never quite the same. One Christmas, nearly two decades ago and just as my life was at its nadir, such a thing happened to me and changed my life utterly... A Gift from Mother Christmas I look down and realize that the light in the room has subtly changed and I can dimly make out her features. She is very pretty: a heart-shaped face with a straight nose and high, round cheeks above a generous mouth that smiles as she looks up at me. Her fingers trace softly over my inner thighs and I gasp at how marvellous this feels. I lie back and close my eyes, savouring her intimate touch. She moves her fingers higher as they trace the crease between my leg and my soft, chubby vulva. I love her gentle touch but at the same time I am becoming impatient for the fulfilment of orgasm. "Oooh, yessss!" I cry out softly, her fingers playing through my damp pubic hair before tracing along the cleft of my pussy. "Oh, keep going," I beg, "push them inside me." "Suzie, my dear, be patient and enjoy everything. Do not rush to orgasm, as men so often do, but savour every touch, every sensation, every feeling." she whispers as her fingers travel to and fro along my cleft, each time a little deeper between the soft, rounded edges. "You asked to know about loving a woman so I am showing you." I try to relax and be completely aware of my body. I feel the warm wetness growing within me and a new sensation that I've never noticed before in my impatience to push my fingers inside myself: I feel my inner lips swelling under Kris's loving touch and my pussy starting to open to her like a flower. Spreading my legs wider enhances this feeling of opening. Her fingers withdraw and before I can complain I feel her breath caress my open sex before a kiss is planted at the top of the damp curls of my pubic hair. Another follows, a little lower, and then another. Something trails through my tangled bush and I realize it is Kris's tongue. Just as the kisses did, the tongue works lower and starts licking either side of my pussy, making me groan with pleasure. "Does that feel good, Suze?" she asks and her use of Emmy's nickname for me makes my heart tremble. "Kris, it's wonderful," I tell her. She kisses me, at the very top of my pussy's cleft, right over my clitty and the feeling makes me gasp. Her tongue now travels down, the tip delicately tracing along the inner labia. There is a brief pause before her tongue parts those nether lips, nuzzling just inside me, before Kris drags it up, ploughing a shallow furrow in my sex. She is barely inside me but the sensation is incredible. Her licking of me continues, each time her tongue ploughs deeper and I am gasping and whimpering. Kris's tongue stops mid lick and I feel it extend, penetrating me.... "Oh Jesus, Kris, you're fucking me with your wonderful tongue!" I cry excitedly. Kris presses harder, pushing her tongue deeper and then begins moving her head back and forth, her tongue held rigid as she, quite literally, tongue fucks me! The feeling is beyond fantastic and I close my eyes to block out everything but the sensations of Kris's loving; I want this to go on forever but know that she will make me cum all too soon. It doesn't go on forever, however, as her tongue withdraws and her mouth leaves my pussy. "Your, pussy is delicious, Suze, I must say. You'll not have lovers complaining on that score, certainly!" Her comments make me laugh, and, hey, there's something about my body that's actually really good! As she speaks her fingers once more brush my pubic hair and then gently trail across my now open pussy. "Oh wow," I sigh as, slowly and firmly, two of her fingers enter me. The thrill is so great that, for a moment, I think that I will orgasm right then and there as I feel my vaginal muscles grip the invading digits tightly. I do not cum. Kris keeps the fingers still while the imminent climax recedes; only then do her fingers begin to pump, slowly and softly. The sensation is exquisite as the thrusts become a deeper and firmer. I feel her fingers curl up to press the top of my pussy deep inside. "Mmmmm that feels so good" I tell her. "That is your G-spot," she tells me, "and is very sensitive, producing very satisfying orgasms." She continues to rub my newly found G-spot while her thumb now gently rests over my clit. I am making almost continuous sights and moans under her ministrations. "So you like my fingers inside you, in your hot, tight, sexy little cunt?" Her use of the C-word is so unexpected and yet deeply thrilling. "Yes, Kris... I do... very, very much!" I am beginning to pant and gasp and I know that I cannot be far from orgasm. "Kris... I'm... ahh... I'm going... oooh! ...to cum!" I look down and see Kris smile as her head lowers. "Yes, Suze, cum, orgasm, climax for me," she tells me before her tongue dips into the upper end of my pussy, my cunt, to engage with the hard nub of my clitoris. That touch is unbelievably intense and a shudder passes through me but this is just the first tremor. The tongue now twists and twirls, licks and pokes doing amazing things to my button as her fingers continue inside me. "Aaaah, fuck, oh, oh, oh... cumming! Yeah! Aaaaaaaah!" A second spasm then a third grips me... and then my world is filled with orgasm; nothing but orgasm, with its intense electric pleasure that makes my whole nervous system sing to its tune. I open my eyes as I feel Kris move up beside me and feel her fingers slide out of my still-tingling pussy. My legs feel rubbery and numb too. As Kris's face comes close she kisses my cheek before she raises her hand between us. It smells intensely of my sex and in the dim light it glistens wetly. I raise a heavy hand and grasp the wrist, pulling it towards me so I can take the index finger into my mouth, sucking it clean, followed by the middle finger. As I suck, Kris licks the back of her hand then I lick the palm as she sucks the thumb. "Thank you, Kris, that was incredible," I whisper as she reaches across and cuddles me. "You're very welcome, Suzie. Now, let me ask you: is there something else you think you need?" "I, um, don't know if it's need or want... and it's not just for me..." "Well, that certainly sounds in the spirit of Christmas. What is it Suzie?" "I... I want to make love to you as you did to me... I want to know if I can but also... I mean what you did for me felt so amazingly good I, Kris I want to let you feel that too!" "Yes, I should have realized... and I'd love you to make love to me." She says, smiling in the dim light. She stands. "You'd best begin by undressing me, Suzie." I stand in front of her, unsure of what to do. "Touch me, Suzie," she tells me, seeing my hesitation, "you know how you'd like to be touched and I'm a woman like you..." In the dusky room I see her dress is close fitting, long sleeved and the hem is just above her knees; the front is plain with a simple round neckline. Hesitantly I place my hands on her hips and I'm struck again by the warm softness of the dress's fabric. Her hips have a lovely swell, firm but rounded, and I begin to run my hands over them. I slide up to her waist and can feel the crease caused by the waistband of her panties beneath, where they press into her soft flesh. She is not flabby, certainly nothing like me, but she's no bony, skinny gym-addict either. My hands continue upwards as Kris smiles at me. My hands caress the outer sides of her breasts and stop, pausing before my thumbs brush lightly across her nipples. Her breasts are full and feel firm, her nipples growing large and hard under my touch. Kris gives a soft sigh, "Do you like my tits, Suze?" she asks, her voice husky with desire. "Oh, yes, Kris, your... tits are gorgeous," I answer as my thumbs continue rubbing. "Mmm, Suze, unbutton my dress and take it off." I hesitate as I can see no buttons and wonder if I've missed them in the dim light. Kris helps me out by taking my hand and guiding it round to the small of her back where my fingers encounter a line of buttons. I begin unbuttoning, working my way up and tremble when my fingertips accidently brush the soft skin of her back, feeling the smooth, shallow valley of her spine. I reach the final button at the back of the neck and pop it open. I swallow as I ease the dress from her shoulders, Kris aiding its smooth journey down her arms before she slips her hands out. The dress now hangs on her hips, revealing the pale, three-quarter cup bra she is wearing. Part of me wants desperately to pull the clothes from her body as fast as possible but I also know that I should make this as sensual as possible. I run my fingers gently down her sides and under the dress to ease it over her hips, allowing it to fall with a soft sound to the floor. "My bra next, Suzie," she suggests and I reach around her. Our skin touches, stomach to stomach, thigh against thigh, and my pussy responds to the sensation. I am undressing a gorgeous passionate woman to make love to her and that thought is so arousing and exciting that my hands are trembling as I try to release the bra clip. I feel Kris's arms enfold me, "Relax, Suzie," she sooths and then her lips are on mine. I feel contentment flow through me as our tongues brush and, under my hands, her bra clip springs apart. She pushes me gently and I step back, taking the bra with me. The bra falls forgotten from my hands as my gaze locks onto her breasts; they are wonderfully rounded with large, dark areoles at the centre of which are paler nipples that I can see growing and hardening before my eyes in the cool air. My mouth goes dry and I am filled with the overwhelming urge to suckle each perfect teat. "Yes, Suze, do it; please suck my tits," Kris asks urgently as if reading my thoughts and my head lowers. That soft, sweet spice scent is even stronger from her naked skin as my lips touch her left nipple. My tongue peeps out, the tip brushing her nipple. The next moment I have latched onto her, the whole aureole sucked into my mouth and I can feel the hard nub as I use my tongue to caress the sensitive tip and surrounding aureole. "Oh, good girl!" Kris praises. My fingers find her other nipple and I squeeze and roll it in the way I do my own when I masturbate; after a short while I switch tits with my mouth and fingers, trying to arouse Kris as much as possible. On an impulse I flatten my tongue and lick right across her boob and I feel her give a little shiver so I begin licking both boobs all over, tasting her skin. At the same time I rest my hand on her stomach. Can I do this now or is it too soon? My hand edges downwards, my fingers brushing past her tummy button, and she does not tell me to stop or slow down. I am almost shocked when my hand encounters that waistband of her panties; perhaps I should spend some time caressing her through the soft fabric but, fuck it, I want to touch her pussy, to feel my fingers inside another woman's cunt. I ease under the waistband and my fingers find themselves in her soft pubic hair. To my surprise I find that her pubes are just a small triangular patch and that lower down her vulva and outer lips are hairless. The feel of this smooth, slick skin is wonderful but her pussy is still my target. Her cleft is hot and wet, the inner lips swollen with her arousal. I press my fingers in and her flesh yields and opens to receive me. "Oh wow," I whisper. It is... just wow; the feeling and the knowledge that I have penetrated this most intimate of places of another woman. My finger eases deeper as I explore her, Kris giving a soft grunt of enjoyment. I look into her eyes, alight with desire and affection, and slip a second finger in alongside the first and I begin to ease them back and forth. "Oh Suze, your fingers feel so good in my cunt," Kris growls in a low voice and once again I find her crude language thrilling. I pull my fingers from her. "I'm going to taste your cunt on my fingers," I tell her, "then pull your panties off you so I can finger fuck you and eat you till you cum in my mouth." I place my fingers, wet with her love juices, in my mouth and suck them. I like the taste of my pussy but hers is so much better: richer, fuller and sweeter. I close my eyes and feel a thrill pass through me like a spasm, almost a miniature orgasm. "So fuckin' good..." I mumble around the fingers. "Oh, you wonderful girl, Suzie." I open my eyes and my hands are immediately in action, pushing her panties down. They have barely touched the floor when I grasp her hips and turn her before pushing her back onto the bed. She wants me to do this and, oh shit, do I want her! She laughs as she topples backwards, her head and shoulders landing amidst the coats piled on the bed. Instantly, I am on my knees, pushing her legs wide as my face comes close to her opening. The smell of her sex fills my nostrils as I inhale deeply, trying to calm and steady myself so as to give her the most pleasure I can. In the dim room I can make out her open lips revealing her dark, inviting love passage. However, I do not dive in, sorely tempted as I am, but begin kissing the hairless outer labia, adding in little licks that allow me to fully enjoy the taste of her. I work inwards and now the licks and kisses dally with her inner labia. I don't know if every pussy tastes and feels quite so good but I know that I am addicted. When my tongue parts those crinkled, soft nether lips, running up to brush lightly over the slight, protruding bulge of her clit, Kris's words are music to my ears, "Oh, my goodness... Suzie you have a natural talent for this. Ooohhh mmmm." I recall Kris's love making and gently insert my fingers once more inside her pussy, curling them as I try to find the place where she touched me, the G-spot. Then I feel it, spongy and slightly rough in contrast to the firm, wet smoothness all around, and begin gently rubbing. My mouth is open on her pussy as I work my tongue across and between her labial folds, slowly burrowing deeper. The taste of her fills my mouth and I hear sounds of pleasure escaping as Kris begins to gasp softly. The tempo of my fingers increases and my tongue varies from pushing deep inside her to lapping her clit. I purse my lips and suck briefly on the tender, sensitive bud, making Kris writhe beneath me. I back off, not wanting her to cum too quickly, nurturing her orgasm as she had mine. However stimulating this is for Kris, it is also intensely arousing for me and my inner thighs are wet with the juices dribbling from my own sex. The unoccupied fingers of my left hand find employment rubbing and fingering my own clit and pussy. I start again to lick her pussy and clit, adding in the little clitoris sucks that so stimulate her. Kris begins to move her hips in time with my efforts as her breathing is now coming in short, shallow gasps. I know that it will not take much more and my impatience gets the better of me as the tip of my tongue diddles her clit mercilessly. Her hands grab my head as she grinds her pussy into my mouth. I feel my fingers constricted as her internal muscles spasm and liquid fills my mouth! I swallow quickly but with each spasm there is more liquid and, try as I might, I cannot keep up. Her love fluid escapes my mouth to trickle and drip on my boobs, running down my body. I feel my own climax nearing even as Kris's finally shudders to an end. Her fingers slip from my hair allowing me to kneel back on my haunches as my head tips backwards. I am breathless and my third orgasm of the evening crashes through me, leaving me gasping and too weak to move. Kris slithers bonelessly from the bed and we become a soft, warm puddle of tangled, satiated female flesh. Soft kisses and gentle caresses are exchanged as we both savour the post orgasmic glow. I struggle to comprehend all that Kris has given me this evening but I know that she has healed much of the hurt of the past fortnight. "Thank you, thank you, thank you Kris, for everything this evening." "Thank you, Suzie, for sharing your beautiful, wonderful body with me." Her words are sincere, I've no doubt, but Kris is special, she is Mother Christmas, after all; I suddenly realise that this may be the only time I love a woman for who else will be blind to what I look like? "No, Kris, it's not beautiful; it's fat and horrible." A thought occurs to me and humourless laugh escapes my lips, "Emmy was right: I'm just a fat dyke." I feel tears prickling my eyes. "Suzie, no, that's not who you are, I want you to understand..." "I understand that if I'd been slim and beautiful Emmy might not have been revolted by me. Can you give me that for Christmas, a lovely, thin body?" "No!" Kris's voice is firm and assertive. "Emily-Rose's problem was not what you look like but confusion and fear over her own sexuality, a fear and confusion I wanted to take from you. However," she continues mildly, "I don't need to give you a beautiful body: you have the power in you to give that to yourself. You know what to do." "What? Eat less, no cakes or crisps, exercise more..." "Yes, exactly. You can make the choices and become thinner, if you want, just as you have the choice to acknowledge or supress your sexuality." "But I can't diet," I whinge like a child, "I try and I fail and I get bigger... and I get hated." Tears are flowing again. Kris sits up and looks down at me, compassion and care in her eyes. "I can help you," she tells me gently, "but you will still have to do it; you will still have to make the right choices each day and every day, alright?" I nod and she reaches over to her dress where it lies on the floor; from it she takes out a length of thin cord and hands it to me. "Now, you're going to make yourself eight promises and you will bind each promise into a knot that you'll tie in the cord. You can then carry the cord or wear it as a bracelet as a reminder to yourself to keep those promises." "Is it a magic spell?" I ask. "Yes, I suppose it is. Now repeat each promise, repeat them and mean them as you tie each knot, okay?" I nod. "I promise myself to eat smaller portions." She says and I repeat it as I tie the knot. "I promise myself not to binge on food." I repeat and tie the second knot. "I promise myself to choose healthy food... I promise myself to enjoy regular exercise... to eat slowly and enjoy the food I eat... not to give up when there are setbacks... to let go of my insecurities and recognise my self-worth... to achieve and sustain a healthy weight." Each 'I promise myself...' is repeated and the knot tied carefully. At the end she takes the knotted cord and loops it around my wrist, tying it into a bracelet. "It won't happen overnight, Suzie, but I know you'll do it," and she kisses me on the lips. "Thank you, Kris, for this, um... sorry for whining like that; not my finest moment and not fair after all you've given me this evening." "I know it's been hard for you," she commiserates as she strokes my hair, "but take my gift and live your life in love and happiness." Her voice is soothing and I close my eyes. "I cannot promise that there won't be problems and challenges, that you won't face insults and discrimination because of your sexuality but I know that you are a wonderful, intelligent, strong, capable woman and a fantastic lover." I feel my cheeks redden under her praise. "Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year to you, Suzie my dear." "Thank you, Mother Christmas," I murmur in reply. My eyes are heavy as the emotions of the evening and the lovemaking catch up with me. My eyes open. "Kris?" I call but I know instinctively that I am alone once more. It crosses my mind that I have dreamt being visited by Mother Christmas who showed me what it is like to make love to a woman. However, it couldn't have been a dream: I am lying naked on the floor, though covered by a blanket; on my right wrist is a thin chord with eight knots tied into a bracelet, my promises to myself to eat properly, exercise and become slim; my skin carries her scent, not the heavy, feminine scent of her cum but the soft, sweet spice scent of her skin. A Gift from Mother Christmas I climb to my feet and begin dressing, retrieving my clothes from the bed and the floor where they had been placed or dropped as Kris undressed me. At some point I'm going to have to leave this room and face the world, with the Danny Jacksons and other perverts and abusers therein. Kris called me a 'wonderful, intelligent, strong, capable woman' though I've not shown much of that recently. However, she was right about my sexuality, so maybe I am all she thinks. Just then I have a light bulb moment as an idea pops into my head and I smile; I know exactly what I'm going to say to that little shit Danny. Fully dressed, I take a deep breath. "Thank you... Mother Christmas, for everything," I whisper into the dark room, "but especially for being my first lover." It doesn't take long to locate Danny Fucking Jackson but I have to wait a few minutes before he leaves his mates as he goes in search of the bathroom. He looks a little tipsy but not too drunk that I cannot talk to him. He sees there is a queue for the bathroom and heads out into the garden, presumably to piss in the shrubbery, and I follow. As soon as he's on his own I grab his shoulder and spin him round. "Hello, Danny, remember me? I'm the girl you sexually assaulted earlier this evening." "What? That's bollocks, I never did! You wanted..." "I wanted what?" I interrupt, "You to pin me against the shed wall and shove your fingers in my vagina? Did I ask you to do that? Did you talk to me or ask what I wanted? No!" He looks a little confused and just a bit worried. "After the sexual assault you boasted that you'd got your hands into my knickers, just as you bet you would. The trouble is, you were so desperate to win your bet that you did so without my consent. I just want you to understand so that when the police turn up and start questioning you about the assault it's not a complete shock." "The police?" "Yes, the police; after I call them and tell them how you sexually assaulted me." "But you can't prove that," he replies, trying to sound confident. "Can't I? What about all those people you boasted to about what you did? And those who saw me distressed and in tears, running away after you assaulted me? Would I have been that upset if I'd wanted what you did to me? It must have been a sexual assault, maybe even rape." "No, but... that's not fair!" he whines. "Not fair? Is what you did to me fucking fair? You set out to humiliate me you little shit and you dare to complain about 'not fair'! Oh yes, you wanted to be a sports teacher didn't you? Well, good luck with that with a complaint of sexual assault on your police record." "Suzie, you wouldn't..." I fix him with my hardest stare. "Want to bet on that?" He is suddenly very sober and genuinely scared. Good. "Of course, you could tell everyone that you'd made it up, that I refused to let you touch me and mocked your little cock when you got it out. That I ran away crying because you'd called me names. That would make it harder for my claim of assault to be believed." "I'll do that, I promise," he replies desperately. "Even the bit about..." "Okay, even the bit about me getting my cock out... okay, okay, my little cock." "Make sure you tell all your friends and convince them; if I hear the word 'slut' being attached to my name then I'll assume you've broken your promise and I'll go to the police. Am I clear?" "Yes, okay," he agrees sullenly, so I leave him and walk back into the house. In the kitchen I pick up a can of cider and a plastic tumbler and wander into the conservatory. It is cold in here and the lights are off but despite that, or perhaps because of it, I come across Alicia, a girl from school, and a boy I do not recognise snogging and groping each other passionately on a wicker double seat. They are oblivious to me as I move silently past them to a seat facing out of the window, though my eyes linger on Alicia's rather attractive thigh where his hand has pushed her skirt up. A few hours ago I would have blushed and looked away, embarrassed for even seeing it; now I'm tempted to stay and watch her. Sitting in the window I look out over the garden. In the light from the back of the house I can see Danny with a couple of his mates, Stuart and Kevin I think. He is saying something and shaking his head. The other two say something and Danny looks down as he talks and his friends start laughing. When Stuart holds up his fist I wonder what he's doing until I see his little finger extended and wiggling. Now I know that Danny has kept his word, even to including the 'little cock'. His discomfort and embarrassment are so painfully obvious that I'm almost sorry for him. Almost. I sip the cider and relax, reliving that magical time with Kris. How long was it, I wonder? Perhaps I should ask If anyone saw a woman who was... what? Older and with a nice body ('No, a fucking awesome, sexy body!' my memory screams); very pretty, with a lovely mouth and with shoulder length, wavy hair of some colour wearing a dress, that I also don't know the colour of, but she does smell softly of sweet spices. I smile and decide that there is no point and that I should just accept the magic of that encounter. A while later and the cider is gone and I am alone in the conservatory; I feel mellow and content with life as I stand and decide to head home. On my way I overhear Gemma talking to Marie, Becca and Becca's boyfriend, "So Danny and Suzie went out into the garden together after the dance and he took her behind the shed out there and," her voice drops, "he took his prick out but she told him to put it away because it was too small!" "Well, it was very cold in the garden, so maybe it wasn't his fault," suggests Becca's boyfriend and the girls laugh. "But," says Marie, "I saw her run in crying and she disappeared somewhere." "Yeah, apparently Danny called her all sorts of names and said she was a slut for leading him on. What a wanker that boy is." I move on quietly and unnoticed; I have heard enough and it's time I went home. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ "Come on Pickle," I call as the dog drags on the lead. She's not used to her walks that have now become runs and walks as part of my promise to myself to exercise. I know she's only got short legs but Pickle should be able to keep up with me. It's only day three but I've done this every day, each time managing to run a little more and I'm already four pounds lighter. Kris's magic is working. This morning I automatically pulled a couple of chocolate chip cookies from the jar to go with a cup of tea I'd made and I saw the green knotted cord on my wrist and put them back. "Are you alright, Suzie?" Mum asked when she saw what I'd done. "You seem different since that party the other night; is there anything you want to talk about?" "Not at the moment, Mum, but thanks. I guess I've decided I need to make some changes in my life, starting with my weight." I told her. "Well, good for you, Suzie, and you're not even waiting for New Year's Day tomorrow to start your resolution; that's very impressive. Let me know if there's anything you want me to buy or not buy when I'm shopping." "Um, yes, please can you not buy any more crisps or chocolate? They're too tempting." "No problem, Suzie dear. Maybe I can lose a bit of weight too," and she gave me a hug. I turn off the pavement and into the park and Pickle seems a little more enthusiastic as she even overtakes me. There is something I'll need to talk to Mum about, of course, but I'm not ready yet to come out and tell her I'm gay. Anyway, it's not as if I've got a girlfriend. I follow the path heading towards the lake and I'm impressed that I'm still jogging, This is a new record for me, even though I know I won't be able to run much further. I look ahead and there, on a bench where the path bends, is Emmy. Next to her a woman in a deep green dress with pale, shoulder-length wavy hair is rising from the seat and I can see they are talking. I stumble to a halt, staring as the woman bends and kisses Emmy on the top of her head before turning and walking away. I notice buttons down the back of her dress and her lovely figure before she disappears behind the bushes and trees as she walks round the bend in the path. I don't know what to do; I thought I was over Emmy and what happened but no... very much no. I feel my throat constrict painfully and I have to go, to flee. Just then, however, Pickle decides to bark, perhaps recognising Emmy. I see her look towards me and I turn, pulling Pickle's lead. "Suzie, Suze, wait!" I take a few hesitant steps away from her but she calls again, "Suzie, wait, I'm sorry." I stop and turn as she runs up to me. "What are you sorry for, Emily-Rose?" I ask roughly and she flinches at my use of her full name, almost as if I'd slapped her. "For everything... for that note I left you... for being selfish and a coward." I see tears welling in her eyes; one beads and runs down her cheek, tugging at my heart despite everything. "I, I really hope that awful note and how I treated you didn't make Christmas too, well, shit for you." "I've had better," I admit. "Mum did wonder what the hell the matter was with me. I just couldn't tell her that we'd fallen out, let alone why." I stop talking; the hurt in her eyes is just too much. However, there is one burning question on my mind. "Emil... Emmy, who was that woman you were talking to just now?" "She just came and sat beside me. I'd been crying, thinking about what I'd done writing you that horrid note and how you must hate me for it. She said that she was there because I needed to talk to someone... so I told her about us and what I'd done. I told her about what we'd done together, you know, kissing and stuff. I hope you don't mind but she was right, I did need to talk about us. She said that you and I need to talk and... she told me that you'd surprise me." "No, I really don't mind you talking to her." I hesitate then I touch her arm. "Let's sit down," I suggest, pointing to the bench she just left and we walk over and sit. "Emmy, what was her name? Did she tell you?" "She said I should call her Kris. Do you know her?" she asks, surprised. "I think I, er, met her recently and spent some time with her. I also told her about us and what happened." "Suze, I'm really sorry about how I behaved and, oh god, that horrid, spiteful note. I, well, you know we..." "Emmy," I interrupt sharply and she looks at me anxiously. Her hands are clasped tightly in her lap and I rest my hand gently on top of them. "Emmy, you were right, I am a fat dyke. If I manage to lose weight I will be a thin dyke," I smile at my little attempt at a joke but Emmy just looks stunned. "I'm gay... a lesbian, Emmy. Not curious, not 'I wonder if I might be' but absolutely certain that I'm attracted to girls, to women." "To me?" she asks in a small voice. "Oh Emmy, yes; to you more than anyone, even before that afternoon last summer when we kissed in that field. Did you not know?" "I, think I did know, deep down, but couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it. It's not right, two girls together in that way. That's why I couldn't... each time we kissed I liked it at first but I couldn't..." "Emmy, you're the first person apart from Kris that I've admitted my sexuality to. Can I ask you to be honest and tell me why you kissed me that day in the field, and all those other times and then came into my bed," my voice catches but I force myself to continue, "after our party?" She looks at me briefly as she chews her lip before looking down. "Sometimes when we're together I feel, well, all warm and tingly and close to you and... you look at me in a certain way, like I'm the loveliest, most special person in the world. Kissing you seems so right just then and, well it feels nice and you're a good kisser, but... I know it's wrong and then I feel guilty." She hangs her head and sighs before continuing, "I know I shouldn't have come into your bed after the party. I was a bit drunk and I just wondered, you know, what it would be like..." "And when I responded, you got scared," I tell her and she nods. "I put my hand out to stop you but, of course, I ended up touching your boob. Suze, your hand squeezing my bum felt nice and, um, you have a, a lovely boob but... oh Suzie, when I felt you rubbing your v-jay against my leg it was just so wrong... it felt disgusting and dirty! I was angry, furious at you for doing that, even though I knew I'd sort of led you on. Please forgive me." There is a long silence. It was all misunderstanding and silly mistakes, each of us looking for something different and not understanding the other. We need to set boundaries, for both our sakes. "Emmy, of course I forgive you but you need to decide. I can be your friend or we could try being girlfriends... you know, girlfriends as in gay girls in a relationship. What I can't cope with is you coming onto me then pushing me away because I respond sexually to you; that's not fair." She nods again. "I know. Suze, I do love you, you know that, don't you? It's just... I don't know if I could ever, you know, sleep with a girl, with you, I mean. Can we just be friends?" Even though I am more than half expecting that answer, it is still crushing when it comes. Stoically I nod, holding back tears through sheer willpower. "I'm sorry that I can't be your proper girlfriend," she adds. "No, you must be who you are. You're my oldest, closest friend and I don't want to lose that." I take a deep breath and force a smile. "If you can accept me as your freaky lesbo friend then I can accept you as my boringly straight friend." To my surprise she leans in and kisses my cheek. "You mean freaky lesbo and boringly straight best friends!" We both chuckle. "Come on, Suze. I don't know about you but it's too bloody cold to sit outside; let's go to the café, I'm buying." We stand and she slips her arm through mine as we walk across the park to the café on the south side, Pickle walking alongside. "Of course, if I ever get a bit curious..." "Don't go there!" I cut Emmy off mid-sentence and she looks at me a little startled. "You were going to say, 'If I ever get curious about sex with a woman.' Don't hold that out as a hope for me or you'll have me mooning around after you forever. Look, hopefully we'll be off to university next September; go and find some girl there to experiment on if you get curious. Naturally, if you come back and tell me you've embraced the marvels of lesbian sex then that will be different," I smile. "You seem to be very sure you're a lesbian, so is that what you did: find a girl?" She looks at me and I blush. "Fuck, Suze, you did! You've slept with a woman!" There is almost awe in Emmy's voice. "Do I know her?" "I think you might have met her once but even best friend privileges won't get me to name her. Maybe if we were in bed together I'd tell you." "Hey! That 'no coming on' rule applies to you too, missy! No trying to seduce your boringly straight friend with your lesbian wiles." I hold my hand up in apology and she grins, "Still, my best friend sleeping with a woman: wow!" "Are you alright about me being gay, Emmy,? I mean really alright?" "Yeah, though I don't think lesbian sex is for me," she smiles. "Like I said, I think deep inside I always suspected you might be gay and now I know for sure but you're still the same person." She hesitates, thinking. "Actually, would you and your Mum like to come over to see in the New Year with us tonight?" "Maybe; I'd have to ask Mum. Is it just you and your Mum and Dad?" "No, actually, my aunt and uncle are staying with us so they will be there." She looks at me with a mischievous smile, "My cousin Terri will be there too." My interest is piqued. "Would that be the cousin Terri with her short, spikey blue hair and cute face, who likes wearing cargo pants and tee shirts?" "Yes, the tomboy of the family. The one you heard Mum and Dad talking about the last time she was here; the Terri who's never had a boyfriend, even though she's nearly twenty." "Do you mean she's..?" I cannot quite ask, but Emmy knows what I'm wondering. "I don't actually know but, well, I bet we could find out. I know I made your Christmas shit Suze, so, like, maybe I can help make my best friend's New Year better." "Amen to that and thanks, Emmy, you're a wonderful friend... considering you're a straight girl!" I hug her arm tight as we push open the door into the inviting, cosy warmth of the café.