1 comments/ 63750 views/ 28 favorites The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 01 By: casey_13 As I walked through the gallery, I was completely swept away by the photographs displayed on the walls throughout. Some were in color, but most were in stark black and white. One group that caught my eye was a black and white series of hands. It was amazing how the photographer was able to capture the essence of people just by using their hands. Some were young, some old and gnarled, still others caught in between, but all sent a very visual message. Another series was taken on a battleground. These were jolting, horrific images: burned out tanks with smoke still billowing from them, fields of bodies stacked like wood; soldiers, grimy and in tattered uniforms sitting with blank looks on their faces. I looked closely at the name on the captions, thinking there was no possible way the same person could have taken both sets of pictures, but I was wrong. Jordan Stuart, the captions read. I continued wandering around, murmuring hellos to friends and colleagues who were also present, but I found myself drawn back to the hand series. I stood contemplating a picture of a child's hands framing an older person's hands, and a voice from behind me said, "This one is particularly powerful, don't you think?" I turned and looked at the woman who had spoken. She was looking past me to the picture over my shoulder, standing casually, but there was a tension in her body I didn't understand. Her gaze met mine and I felt a jolt run through me. Her eyes were a deeply penetrating jade green, and the force of her focusing on me nearly took my breath away. "Um.... yes," I stammered, clearing my throat and turning back to the picture. I could sense her coming up closer behind me, almost as if an electrical current surrounded her. Her arm reached past me to gently touch the glass of the frame and trace the veins on the older hand, and I could smell a hint of cinnamon and vanilla. In an effort to shake off the strange effect she'd had on me, I heard myself say, "I don't think the artist would appreciate you touching the glass." She turned and looked at me, amused. I winced. I sounded like a prude, even to myself. "Normally I'd agree with you," she said, her voice husky and warm in her throat, "but I'm sure she won't mind if I do." I was about to say something that would undoubtedly have been foolish when a voice from across the room called out, "Jordan! There you are! Hon, come over here and meet these gentlemen. They're interested in buying some of your work." The woman looked past my shoulder toward the voice, a look of slight irritation flitting over her face, then she settled her bright gaze on me once again. "I hope you'll excuse me," she said. "Duty calls." And with that, she smiled graciously and walked with long strides over to where an older woman was waiting, gesturing to a group of men in business suits who looked uncomfortable in the bohemian atmosphere of the gallery. I watched as the older woman placed a hand on the small of Jordan's back and guided her over to the men. Jordan said something that made them all laugh and seemed to put them at ease, and as a group they wandered over to some color prints of wildlife in another part of the gallery. That was the first time I met Jordan Stuart. The next time I saw Jordan was about three months later. I was working late in the music store which I co-own, and had just finished a fairly exhausting piano lesson with one of my least favorite students. I was getting ready to close the store when the bell over the door rang. Slightly irritated I said, before I could see who it was, "I'm sorry, but the store is closing. We open at 8:00 tomorrow morning if you'd like to come back." There was no answer, so I headed toward the front to see if I had imagined the door opening. I glanced at my watch. Damn. I was already late getting home, and I had a ton of work to do to prepare for an upcoming performance. With this in mind, I was completely preoccupied and therefore very surprised to see Jordan standing in the doorway. "Well. Hello," I said, feeling awkward and strange suddenly. Her eyes focused on me, once again sending a jolt through my body. She smiled and said, "Boy, you're a real stickler for rules, aren't you?" "I'm sorry?" I said, confused. Then I remembered - I had scolded her for touching one of her own photographs at her last show. I blushed, and she laughed, walking toward me and holding out her hand. "Hi, I'm Jordan Stuart. We never got the chance to formally introduce ourselves, did we?" she said, taking my hand in a firm grip. "Uh...no. No, I guess we didn't. I'm..." "I know who you are. Kate Shaw, musician extraordinaire. I've been asking about you, and now I've found you. It's about time, too!" Still confused, I had to consciously make myself let go of her hand. I could smell the hint of cinnamon and vanilla I'd sensed on our first meeting, and I was having a hard time catching my breath for some reason. How strange this all was! "You've been asking about me? Why? And who have you been asking?" I said. Jordan laughed and looked around the store. "Is there somewhere we could talk? I know you need to close up shop and I don't want to keep you.... but I'd really like to talk to you." I took a step back and looked at my watch again. "I'd love to, really, but I need to be getting home. I have a lot of work to do." "Well.... may I walk with you a while, then? You don't live far from here, do you?" she asked. I hesitated, a little unsettled by how much she seemed to know about me, then I shrugged. It couldn't hurt to walk with her. "Sure," I said. "Let me finish locking up, then we'll go." As we walked together, Jordan's eyes constantly swept the area around us. I was still uncertain why a world-famous photographer had been searching for me, so I finally gathered up the courage to ask her. She was silent for a moment, then answered seriously, "You were the only one at the show who seemed to really appreciate what I was trying to say with those pictures. I watched you for quite a while before I approached you, and was intrigued that the first thing you did was get after me for breaking the rules. If Maggie hadn't interrupted me, I would have asked you out for coffee or something. By the time I got through with those businessmen, you had already left, so I had to resort to some snooping to find out who you were." "And how did you do that?" I asked. "Your friend Peter told me," she said. "Oh? You know Peter?" I asked, surprised. "Yes. His partner, Jeffrey, is a dear friend of mine. I've taken several of my favorite prints to their shop and had them design custom frames for me. It wasn't hard for Peter to figure out I was talking about you once I described you." She skipped a few steps ahead of me, humming a tune I didn't recognize under her breath. I stopped. "Jordan, wait," I called. "I'm still confused. We hardly spoke ten words to each other. How could you possibly know what I thought of your work?" Jordan walked back to me, placing her hands on my shoulders and looking directly into my eyes. She was a few inches taller than me and had to look down. When she did, her chestnut hair fell into her eyes and she tossed it back with a casual flick of her head. "I just knew. I could tell by the look on your face exactly what you were thinking. You're pretty much an open book, Katie, you know that?" I stared up at her, very conscious of her hands on my shoulders, then broke eye contact and smiled shyly, looking down at the ground. "So, how did you describe me to Peter?" I asked. Jordan laughed, and we started walking again. "Well, I described a thin, pretty woman with blue eyes, brown hair, and a very serious look on her face. He clicked immediately, especially when I told him what you'd said to me about touching the glass." "Oh, shit," I said, laughing in spite of my embarrassment. "I was hoping you'd have forgotten about that." "No, no! I was quite flattered you were so interested in protecting my work!" Jordan said, laughing along with me. "Anyway, I've read some things about you and have talked to some people about you, and I'm interested in you." I stopped again. "Interested? What do you mean? I mean.... are you...uh..." I stammered, suddenly self-conscious again, remembering some things I'd read about her. Jordan stood in front of me. "If you're asking if I am, in fact, a lesbian, the answer is yes. If you're asking if I'm interested in you romantically, the answer is no. I like having interesting people in my life and you qualify, so I was hoping we could be friends. It's as simple as that." We stood there for a moment, looking at each other, and I felt as though I was standing on the edge of something, something that would mean a marked change in my life if I stepped forward. Jordan had a casually expectant look on her face, almost as if she was trying to disguise the hope inside her, and I knew instantly what my answer would be. "Yes. I'd like to be friends." That was the second time I met Jordan Stuart. It was a long time before I was able to get to sleep that night. I kept thinking about Jordan being interested in me. It filled me with a sort of dread, yet was thrilling as well. No doubt about it, Jordan was an extremely sexual person. It came off of her in waves, and I realized it was the sexual tension in her that had made me feel so unsettled. Well, no matter, I thought. If she made a pass at me, I'd gently but firmly remind her I’m straight, and let it go. I laughed at my audacity, remembering how Jordan had made it clear she wasn't interested in me romantically. Let it go! I told myself. It can't hurt to have a new friend, can it? Slowly, I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, after a night of strangely erotic yet elusive dreams, I couldn’t get Jordan off my mind. As I poured a glass of orange juice and sat down to read the paper, the phone rang. "Hi, Katie, it's Jordan." "Well, hi there," I said, nearly choking on my juice. "I hope you don't mind my calling so early. I've already been out shooting, and sometimes I forget normal people don't keep the same hours I do." "No, no, it's fine. I've been up for a while," I lied. I found myself nervously tearing the newspaper into shreds, and forced myself to stop. "Good. I was wondering if you might have some time to get together with me today. I'm planning to wander around a bit and scout some locations out in the country. Interested?" Again, I was aware of that odd hopeful yet casual sound in her voice. It was almost as if she were sitting there crossing her fingers, hoping I'd say yes. "Well.... I'm not scheduled to work today, but I'm supposed to teach a few lessons later this afternoon. Could you have me back by then?" I was surprised to hear myself say. "Sure, no problem. So, you can go? You want to go?" she asked eagerly. After a brief hesitation, I said, "I'd love to go. Should I bring anything?" "Just a warm jacket and comfortable shoes. It may get cool later. I'll come pick you up, ok? In about an hour?" "Uh...sure...ok. I'll be waiting for you." "Great! See you then!" And she was gone. I scurried around the apartment, picking things up and trying to decide what to wear. Something rugged, I guessed, since we'd be out in the country all day. I jumped in the shower and washed quickly, then dried my hair and settled on jeans, my favorite hiking boots, and a flannel shirt. I laid my old denim jacket on the couch by the door, and then settled in to wait. When I answered the door, we looked at each other and began to laugh, because we were dressed nearly identically. She was wearing a baseball cap with her long hair tucked inside, making her eyes stand out ever more and making her look like she was about 19 years old. "Are you ready?" she asked, eyes sparkling. "I suppose. I've never been scouting before," I said as I turned to lock the door behind us. "Oh, you'll love it," she said, threading her arm through mine as we walked down the stairs together. "Don't be surprised if I ask you to pose for me a bit - I like to get a feel for an area by having a person in the shot for perspective." "What?" I stopped, dragging her with me. "You didn't say anything about me being in your pictures! Look how I'm dressed!" "It's no big deal," she said, taking my arm again and pulling me along. "It's just for perspective. It's not like they'll be published or shown or anything!" She hauled me, still protesting, down the sidewalk to an old red Jeep whose back seat was filled with camera cases and other equipment. "I know it's not the lap of luxury," she said wryly, "but it gets the job done, especially on those bumpy country roads." We got in and she took off, airily waving her hand at the people who honked at her as she pulled out into traffic without looking. I was beginning to see that Jordan lived life by her own rules, and this was further confirmed by the way she totally disregarded the speed limit as we flew out of town. My initial reaction was to be extremely tense, as I fully expected us to end up slammed into a tree somewhere, but I gradually relaxed as we left the city behind us and drove through the winding hills nearby. The wind was blowing through our hair, and Jordan took off her hat to let her hair loose. I found I could hardly keep my eyes off her. She kept up a steady stream of chatter, asking me questions about my teaching, the music store, and my performing, and I slowly began to feel more relaxed and comfortable around her. We stopped at several places along the road, sometimes leaving the Jeep parked along the road, sometimes driving it out some bumpy, tree-lined lane in order for her to get closer to a field full of horses, or an old, run-down barn. She took several pictures, although none with me, much to my relief. It wasn't until we'd gotten to a secluded, woody area and found an old abandoned mill that she asked me to stand in front of the camera. Knowing it would do no good for me to argue, I walked over to where she pointed and stood self-consciously in front of a tree with my hands in my pockets. "No, no, silly, take your hands out of there. Here, hold on to this pine cone," she said, handing me one sticky with sap. She walked back to where her camera was on the tripod, looked through it, then came back over and positioned me so I was leaning against the tree. "I feel weird," I complained. "What the hell am I supposed to do with this pine cone?" "Just look at it," she said from behind the camera. "Turn it over in your hands and look at it, but don't think about the camera being here." "Fat chance of that," I mumbled, looking at the pine cone and wishing I was somewhere else. Jordan clicked off a few shots, then took the camera off the tripod and walked toward me. "Come over here," she said, taking my hand and pulling me with her. She sat me down on the ground next to a fallen log and placed one of my arms along the top of it. "Now, lean back and stretch your legs out…there you go, that's good. I want this to be very casual, like you're resting or something." I leaned back, smelling the aroma of the pine trees around me, and found myself smiling. I could hear Jordan's camera clicking, but it wasn't bothering me much anymore. She walked over to me and knelt in front of me, then put her camera down and brushed my hair back behind my ears. "Ok," she said, looking into my eyes, “don’t freak out, but..." and she started to unbutton my shirt. "Hey!" I said, taking her hands in mine and holding them in front of me. "What are you doing?" She sat back on her heels. "Do you know how damn good you look, Katie?" she whispered. "I've been wanting to get you on film since the first time I saw you. Your hair, those eyes, and your lovely body... you were made to be on film, and I want to be the one who captures you. Please...you need to trust me. There's no way I would do anything to hurt you." I looked up at her, thinking, then realized I wanted her to take pictures of me. I took a deep breath and nodded slowly. Jordan smiled in delight, then leaned toward me again and reached for the buttons on my shirt. "Trust me," she breathed as she slowly undid the top two buttons. I could smell her sweet scent as she leaned in closer to me. She was kneeling in between my legs, spreading the collar of my shirt out to expose my chest and collarbones. She pushed my hair back over my shoulders so it was hanging down my back, then delicately, deliberately traced my shoulders and collarbones with the tips of her fingers. She smiled when she saw me shiver slightly, then stood up and took her camera in hand. I watched her as she worked, her hands strong and sure on the camera, her legs long and taut in her jeans as she knelt near me, taking shot after shot. She kept talking to herself, saying things like "God, those eyes! Ok, get the light shining off her hair...that's it …" After a while, she came and knelt between my legs again, then slowly began to unbutton my shirt the rest of the way. I was mesmerized by her, and powerless to stop her. She hummed to herself as she looked at me, and before I knew it, she'd pulled my shirt down over my shoulders and was unhooking my bra. I shivered again, and she cradled my face in her hands. "You are so beautiful. I know I told you I wasn't interested in you, but I lied. I was afraid I'd scare you off," she said, bending close to me. I couldn't move. My mind seemed to be split in half, part of me wanting her with a sudden intense desire, and the other part of me wanting her to stop touching me. I sat still, spellbound as she leaned over and gently kissed my lips. Of their own accord, my hands reached out for her and drew her closer to me. She moaned deep in her throat as my mouth opened under her probing tongue, and I could feel my body begin to respond to the touch of her lips. She pushed me back gently and stretched out on top of me, still kissing me deeply. My hands were tangled in her hair, pulling her mouth harder into mine. Our tongues began to flick over each other, both of us moaning now, and I could feel her body begin to move on me, pressing into me. She lifted herself up on both arms and looked down at me, smiling. I knew by the look in her eyes I could trust her not to hurt me, and I smiled back. "Wow," she said, catching her breath. "I had no idea you'd react this way. I hoped.... but really didn't know what would happen." I reached for her and pulled her down to me so my mouth was next to her ear. "I haven't been able to get you off of my mind," I whispered. My voice was hoarse and husky, thickened with passion. "I've wanted this, too, but was afraid to admit it. And now look at me! I can't keep my hands off of you." "Mmmmm .....good," she said, lightly licking my lips with her tongue. "I like it that way. I want you to put your hands on me, Katie...all over me.... please..." I rolled her over on her back, stretched out next to her, and slid my hand up inside her shirt. Not surprisingly, she was not wearing a bra. Her eyes were closed, the skin of her tight stomach smooth and silky. I could feel the muscles contract as my hand slid over her skin, and I was swept with a wave of desire that left me breathless. I sat up and straddled her, unbuttoning her shirt as she moved her hands up and down my thighs. I opened up her shirt, exposing her small, perfect breasts. Her nipples were erect, and she moaned loudly when I ran my fingertips over both nipples, gently pinching them. Her hands pressed harder into my thighs, and her hips began to move under me. Her head was thrown back, and I could tell she was highly aroused. For that matter, so was I. As I straddled her, she reached for the fly of my jeans, undid the button, and slid the zipper down. She spread my jeans open and slid her hand in as far as she could, but the angle was awkward. I moved her hand and knelt next to her, unzipping her jeans, and was happy to see she was wearing nothing under them. I stretched out next to her again and began to kiss her. She put her arms around my neck to pull me close, and I surprised us both by sliding my hand down into her open jeans. Her body arched and she moaned into my mouth as I probed her, touching her silky wetness. My own body was throbbing by now, and my jeans were creating a delicious friction between my legs as my hips moved in rhythm with my hand in Jordan's jeans. The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 01 Our kisses became more intense, our tongues dancing, as my fingers moved on Jordan, inside and out. She was moaning loudly and holding on to me so tightly I could hardly breathe. She rolled me over onto my back and pulled my jeans down over my legs. It felt strange, being nearly naked in front of this woman, but I was too aroused to feel embarrassed. Jordan knelt between my legs, spreading them apart, and began to use her tongue on me. I put my hands on her head, moaning and crying out as she flicked my sensitive clit with her strong tongue. I felt her fingers slide inside me as she used her tongue on me, and I thought I was going to go wild. I had never felt anything like this before. Jordan kept sliding her fingers in and out of me, and I could feel the orgasm building. She must have sensed it as well, because she lay down next to me, still touching me, and put my hand between her legs. Something about the sensation of touching her and being touched at the same time drove me absolutely wild, and I could feel my body about to explode. Jordan was pressing into me, moaning in my ear as my fingers slid in and out of her, and her fingers began to move faster and faster, our rhythms matching. Suddenly, I felt her orgasm as she tightened around my fingers, and then my orgasm hit, nearly at the same time. We both cried out, and I could feel my body contracting around her fingers the same was hers was around mine. What an amazing feeling it was, feeling another woman have an orgasm along with me. We lay there, unwilling to move. I could feel her twitch a little, and I looked over at her, asking if she was ok. "Aftershocks," she said with a grin. "It happens to me after a particularly strong orgasm. Just don't move, ok? Everything's a bit sensitive right now." I laughed. "Tell me about it!" I said, delicately sliding my hand out of her and turning over to face her. We embraced, and I could smell her clean, lovely scent as I buried my face in her hair. "You are so beautiful," I said as I held her close to me. "Thank you so much for bringing me out here and showing me this side of you." She pulled back a little. "Honey, you ain't seen nothin' yet!" she drawled, then laughed. We kissed again, and she snuggled down with her head on my shoulder and one arm across my stomach. "It's getting late, and cold. Do you want to go back?" she asked. Jordan must have felt my body tense, because she sat up and gently ran her fingertips over my face. "I know, baby. This was your first time, and now you’re worried about the implications, right?" I sat up and pulled my shirt closed. "Well, yes. I mean, what am I supposed to do now?" She cocked an eyebrow at me. "Why do you have to 'do' anything?" I just looked at her, not sure what to say. "Well, let me ask you this - is this going to happen again?" I said, my voice shaking. "I certainly hope so, Katie. This wasn't just a one time thing for me, you know." I looked away, tears beginning to flow, curling myself into a little ball. "So, suddenly I’m a lesbian? Is that it?" "Why do you have such a need to apply a label to this?" she asked. I was silent, and she knelt behind me, resting her hands on my shoulders. I tensed, and she began to gently stroke my hair. “Katie, look – I know this is weird for you. I’m sorry if I’m moving too fast…” “Too fast!” I sobbed, whirling around and clutching my shirt to my chest. Jordan recoiled and sat back, green eyes wide. “My whole world has just been turned upside down! Until I met you, I was happy with the way things were and now… now…” I stopped uncertainly, angrily wiping the tears from my face. “And now what?” Jordan asked softly, moving closer to me. I sat still as she reached for me, feeling her gentle touch on my face and hair as she pulled me against her naked body. She rocked me and stroked my hair as I rested my head on her shoulder, relaxing into her as she pulled me back until we were lying down next to each other. “And now,” I said, my voice muffled against her skin, “I’m falling for you, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.” To be continued... The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 02 When Jordan dropped me off at my apartment later that afternoon, my mind was spinning as I wondered what was going to happen next. Jordan had been very sweet after we'd made love, holding me for a long time while I cried. She was completely silent on the way home so I could figure things out on my own. As we pulled up to my building, she took my hands in hers and leaned over to gently kiss my forehead. "Kate…" she began, her eyes filled with concern for me. "Just… just give me time, Jordan, okay?" I pleaded as I squeezed her hands hard. She nodded, and I got out of the Jeep and headed up the stairs to my apartment. I lived through the next week or so in a sort of daze, and to me it seemed that things surrounding me, which had been so familiar just a few days ago, were irrevocably changed. I went to work and taught my lessons as usual, but my mind was focused on the experience I'd had with Jordan. I couldn't stop thinking about how wonderful her hands and tongue had felt on me, and how much I enjoyed giving her pleasure. Remembering how she'd been so completely open and vulnerable to me made my stomach flip over, and I hugged myself as I shivered with both fear and anticipation. In spite of my doubts about the new direction my life was now taking, I made my decision: I couldn't wait to have Jordan naked in my arms again. One morning, about ten days or so after Jordan and I had made love, I stopped practicing and looked at the clock. I still had two hours before my afternoon lessons were to start, so I quickly stripped and stepped into the shower. The shower was one of the reasons I decided to rent this particular apartment: it was a huge walk-in, almost the size of a small closet, and it had several spray heads spread out at different levels along the walls. It was the greatest feeling to have firm spray hit me from all directions, especially after a long day of sitting at the piano. I had specially designed benches and massaging showerheads installed shortly after I moved in, and they were definitely worth the expense. I could feel the tension draining out of me as I stood in the midst of the hot, pounding water. My muscles began to relax, and as I slowly rubbed fragrant soap over my body, I began to feel aroused. I ran my hands over my breasts, gasping slightly as my hands caressed my erect nipples. I slid my hands down my wet body and between my legs, where I could feel pulsing warmth. My knees nearly buckled as I touched myself, so I sat down on one of the benches and slowly began to touch myself with one hand while caressing my breasts with the other. "Ohhh, my god," I moaned as I slid my fingers between my legs and spread my lips open. As I started to rub my clit, I noticed one of the streams of water was aimed almost directly between my legs. I got up and adjusted the showerhead so the force of the water was hitting me directly, then sat down and spread my legs open. I held my pussy lips open wide, moaning with pleasure as the water pounded on my exposed clit. I held myself open with one hand while I pinched my erect nipples with the other, nearly swooning at the incredible sensations I was feeling. It didn't take long before I was writhing and moaning loudly, arching my back as the orgasm ripped through me and left me breathless. I sat there for a while, totally wrung out, before I was able to summon the energy to leave the shower and get ready to go to work. After I finished my last lesson, I decided to stay at the store and do my practicing there instead of going all the way back home to wait by the phone, which is basically what I'd been doing lately. The piano I had in the music store was much better than the one I had at home anyway, and I knew I could trust the clerk on duty to handle sales until the store closed. I checked in with her to let her know I'd be in the studio practicing, then shut myself inside and picked through the stack of music I was working on. The performance for which I was preparing was coming up soon, and I needed to put a few finishing touches on the music I was planning to play. Soon I was totally lost in what I was playing and my mind was full of nothing but music. I was startled when the click and whirr of a camera brought me out of my musical trance, and I looked over to see Jordan standing across the room, camera in hand, and my heart started to pound. "I'm sorry, Kate, I didn't mean to interrupt you," she said sheepishly, standing as if she were frozen in place. "It's okay," I said, trying to clear my head and swim back into the present. "I didn't hear you come in." "Your clerk said you'd be back here. She said to tell you she was closing up, and to remember to lock up when you leave," Jordan said. She remained standing across the room, rigid, almost as if she were afraid to move any closer. I turned around on the piano bench and leaned against the piano, looking at her. "You can come in, if you want," I said. "Um, okay," she replied, walking over to me hesitantly, looking anywhere but directly at me. I laughed, then exclaimed, "Oh, for god's sake, Jordan, get over here!" I patted the bench next to me and she sat down, looking at the camera in her hands and fiddling with the controls. I ran one of my hands up and down her back, enjoying the texture of her sun-warmed shirt and the feel of her taut skin underneath. She looked over at me, startled. "You're okay, then?" she asked, jolting me once again with the force of her shimmering green gaze. "More than okay. I'll admit it took me a while to realize it, and I'm sorry for that, but I appreciate you giving me the time I needed. I've sure missed you, though." She grinned, then slowly the grin faded. "Katie, are you sure?" she asked, frowning slightly. "I mean, you were pretty freaked out the last time I saw you. When I didn't hear from you, I was sure I had run you off." "Really?" I asked. "Then why are you here?" "I had to see you," she replied, taking a deep breath. "I guess I needed to know, one way or the other, how you felt and how you were doing. You can't imagine how hard it was for me to stay away this long. I wanted to come over to your place the night after we made love and try to talk to you, but I knew you needed time. As much as I hated waiting, I had to respect that." I turned to face her, placing my hands on her shoulders and turning her so we sat face to face, our knees touching. "I've given this a lot of thought, Jordan. Although there's a part of me that is still scared to death, there's another, more powerful part of me that wants nothing more than to be with you," I said, holding her hands. She looked hard at me, probing me with those remarkable eyes, then took my face in her hands and kissed me. When our lips met, I felt as though my heart would explode. She scooted closer to me, tangling her hands in my hair as our kiss became more passionate. I could feel her tongue moving over my lips and probing inside my mouth, then our tongues danced together as we explored each other. Her mouth was on my neck, along my jaw, under my chin, before capturing my lips again and devouring me. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it would come right through my chest, and I could feel the wetness between my legs as Jordan licked and stroked my mouth with her tongue. Shivering, we both pulled back and looked at each other, breathing hard as we recovered from our passionate kiss. I smiled and sighed, reaching out to touch Jordan's face lightly with my fingertips. She closed her eyes and let me touch her, then kissed my hands and stood up, wandering around the studio. "So, this is where you teach, huh?" she asked, looking at the pictures and posters on the wall. She walked to my desk and picked up a framed picture of a younger me in a black concert suit holding a trophy. "What's this?" she asked, showing me the picture. I walked over to her and took the picture from her. "Oh, that's a trophy I got after winning a piano competition a few years ago." She took the picture back and ran her fingers lightly over it, then set it back down. "You're a great pianist, aren't you?" she asked, moving to stand closer to me. She leaned in and her cinnamon and vanilla scent flooded my senses. I started to take her in my arms, but she pushed my hands away and moved them to my side. Our lips were nearly touching, and she took one step closer so the tips of our breasts were touching. I couldn't take my eyes off of her parted lips, and I could feel her warm breath on my face. "I suppose so," I whispered, moving slightly so I could feel her breasts rub against me. She was breathing a bit harder, and moved a little closer so more of our bodies came into contact with each other. "You know, they say pianists have great hands," she breathed, gently flicking my lips with the tip of her tongue. "It's true," I said, moving my mouth so it was close to her ear. I exhaled, lightly blowing into her ear, and felt her shiver. I nearly lost control then, but held on to myself with an iron grip. Her tongue darted out again, then her mouth captured mine and she pressed her body full length into me, our nipples rubbing against each other. I moaned softly; I could tell she was not wearing a bra, and I suspected she was bare under her jeans as well. This thought nearly undid me, but I forced myself to pull away from her. She looked at me, startled. "What's wrong, baby?" she asked, concern flooding her face. "Nothing," I said casually. "I just thought you might want a private piano lesson while you're here." She looked at me quizzically. I smiled at her and led her over to the piano. "Sit here," I told her, guiding her to the bench. She sat down and faced the piano, hands on her thighs. "Kate, I don't know…" she said, half turning toward me. "Shhh… trust me," I said into her ear as I stood behind her and leaned into her back. "Put your hands on the keys." She did as she was told, and I reached around her and placed my hands lightly on her wrists. "This is middle C," I said, showing her the first of three white keys in the center of the piano. She pushed the key down timidly. "No, no, you've got to push it down hard to make it sound," I said, placing my hand over hers and showing her what I meant. She leaned back into my chest as I scooted her up on the bench and sat behind her, straddling her with my legs. "Play something for me," I murmured into her ear, running my fingers lightly on the underside of her forearms. I felt her shiver again at my touch, then she started to randomly play notes as I continued to caress her and breathe softly into her ear. Her head fell back onto my shoulder, and as she gained more confidence in what she was doing, I took her breasts in my hands. I loved the feel of them, and I felt her body quiver as I rolled her erect nipples between my thumb and fingers. "Keep playing," I whispered, then scooted myself closer to her and unbuttoned her shirt. I kissed the side of her neck as I spread her shirt open and pulled it down off her shoulders, then took her bare breasts in my hands and lightly bit into her bare shoulder. "Oh, Katie…oh, yes, that feels so good," she sighed, pressing back into me. Her hair covered my face as she tossed her head back and forth. I slid one hand down over her tight stomach while I caressed her nipples with the other, then slowly unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans. She took her hands off the piano and turned toward me, meeting my mouth with hers, and we kissed deeply. I slid my hand down inside her open jeans and could feel warmth there, probing deeper until I found her slit. She gasped and arched her back, spreading her legs and kissing me harder as my fingers slid down into her wetness. I kept one arm around her back to support her as she leaned back and kept kissing me, sucking on my mouth and tongue in time with my stroking her throbbing clit. She lifted her hips so I could help her slide her jeans off. She was nearly naked before me, her jeans on the floor and her shirt open wide, allowing me full access to her beautiful body. I held her and kissed her deeply, then reached down with my other hand and slid two fingers into her while stroking her clit with my thumb. Her body was moving in rhythm with my stroking, and she threw her head back and gasped loudly as I lowered my mouth to her nipple and began sucking and licking it. "Katie…Katie," she gasped, holding my head tighter to her breast as I took her nipple between my teeth. "Ahhh…yes, Katie…yessss…" My body was responding to the noises she was making and the way her body felt under my hands and lips, but I had been waiting to do this to her since the day we'd parted. I could tell she was close to orgasm by the way her pussy was tightening around my fingers and the way her muscles were tensing. I lifted my mouth from her nipple and, still sliding my fingers in and out of her while rubbing her clit, I looked into her eyes to watch as she climaxed. She rode my hand, hips bucking, and took my head in her hands as she started to come. Her eyes widened and I could see the cords in her neck stand out as she gasped, then suddenly her entire body went rigid and I felt the walls of her pussy contract around my fingers as she came hard. "Don't stop yet," she gasped as she felt my rhythm slowing down. "Keep rubbing my clit, I'm not finished." I spread her pussy lips open and stroked her clit with my middle finger, watching her as she started to come again. She held me tightly, burying her face in my neck and muffling her cried against me as she came a second time, her whole body shuddering as her orgasm washed through her. She relaxed, twitching against me, as I held her close and kissed her hair. Finally, she let out a deep breath and looked up at me. "Well, you look mighty pleased with yourself, Missy," she said, trying to catch her breath. "You have NO idea how much I've been wanting to do that to you," I replied, brushing the sweaty hair off her forehead and kissing her gently. "Well…now what?" she asked, closing her eyes and snuggling into me. "I want to go home. I want to bring you home with me and make love with you all night. How does that sound?" Jordan looked up at me and smiled slowly, a smile that reached deep into my heart and made my stomach tingle. "Take me home, Katie," she said. To be continued... The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 03 Driving home, I found myself looking in the rear view mirror to make sure Jordan's jeep was still behind me. "This is absurd," I said aloud, shaking my head. "She knows where I live, so why do I keep doing this?" I knew why, actually; I still couldn't believe someone as self-assured and beautiful as Jordan was interested in me. Part of me expected her to drive past, toot her horn, and go on her merry way. It was weird how I'd felt so confident and sure of myself while I'd had her naked in my arms in the studio, but my self-doubt came crashing back the moment we were separated. I guess I expected her to change her mind and find someone more glamorous, in spite of the fact that she was the one who had pursued me. I got to my apartment building and parked, waiting for Jordan to meet me in the entryway. I was amused to see the reactions of the men and women who passed her on the street as she walked toward me. She definitely knew how to turn heads. "Hi," she said when she approached me, a mischievous grin on her face. My mouth went dry for a moment and my stomach did a slow flip-flop at the thought of being alone with her. "Hi, yourself," I said, clearing my throat as I ducked my head to look for the key. "Why Katie, I do believe you're blushin'!" she said in an exaggerated southern drawl. "That's so cute!" "Yeah, yeah," I mumbled. "Come on, let's get inside before we get in trouble." We walked to the elevator side by side, our hips bumping lightly. We were alone in the elevator, and when the doors closed, Jordan pushed me up against the wall and stood directly in front of me. She placed her hands against the wall on either side of my head and leaned into me, gently kissing me. I dropped the bag slung over my shoulder and put my hands on her waist. God, I loved the feel of her body. She moved closer to me, nudging my legs wider so she could stand in between them. I pulled her shirt out of her jeans and slid my hands up under it, feeling her warm silky skin. She moaned softly, deep in her throat, then stopped the kiss and leaned forward until our noses were touching. She ran one fingertip down the line of my jaw, traced my lips, then moved her hand down my chest and into the open V of my shirt. "This is one of my favorite places on your body," she whispered, her voice husky and slightly rough. I leaned my head back as she bent to my neck and licked the hollow of my throat, then kissed me there lightly. My hand wandered up and clutched a handful of her hair as she began to suck on my tender throat, and her hand moved inside my shirt to cup my breast. I shivered at her touch as she gently rubbed a thumb over my nipple. "Jordan," I whispered, holding her head with one hand and pulling her closer with the other. "Hmmm?" she hummed, flicking her tongue along the underside of my jaw. "Jordan, I..." I started, then was interrupted by the ding of the elevator bell. I jumped guiltily, and Jordan was suddenly next to me, calmly smiling at the man standing in the doorway as it opened. I must have had a strange look on my face, because he gave me a puzzled glance as he stepped into the car with us. He gave Jordan a small smile, then turned his back on us and punched the button for a floor one below mine. I saw my reflection in the shiny metal of the wall and tried in vain to fix my hair and straighten the lapels of my shirt. I shot Jordan a frustrated glance as she stood there with a serene look on her face, as if we hadn't just been groping each other like a couple of horny high school kids. The elevator finally got to our fellow traveler's floor, and he turned to give us another puzzled look as he left the car. As soon as the doors closed, Jordan burst into laughter, nearly doubling over as we got off at my floor. "Ok, you crazed maniac," I grumped. "It's not that funny." "Oh god, Kate," Jordan gasped between giggles, clutching at my shoulder. "The look on your face! And his! Did you see his face?" I unlocked my door and held it open, impatiently waiting for her to walk in. She entered, trying to stifle her laughter, but it kept escaping in little snorts and bursts. "All RIGHT," I said, irritated with her and not at all amused. She turned, surprised at the tone of my voice. "What's wrong, Kate?" she asked, serious now. I walked past her and flopped down on the couch, and she came over and sat on the coffee table in front of me. I took a deep breath. "Jordan, I think the reality of this situation just hit me. You can't imagine how I felt when the elevator door opened. I mean, that man lives in my building! Imagine what would happen if he started spreading it around that I'm a..." "A what?" She broke in, frowning. "A human being? A person with emotions and feelings? A person who likes to touch and be touched? What exactly is it that you're afraid of, Kate?" I looked at her, helpless to speak. Jordan waited for me to say something, then sat back and looked at me, with flat and expressionless eyes. "I'm surprised at you, Kate," she said softly. "When you told me you were sure you wanted to be with me, I thought you understood what that would entail." I shifted uncomfortably under her piercing gaze. "I thought I did, too." "So you've changed your mind now that someone almost caught us kissing?" she asked, her voice low and almost dangerous. "Is that what you're trying to tell me?" "Yes... I mean no... I mean, I don't know what I'm trying to tell you, Jordan," I stammered. "All I know is that I thought my heart would stop when those elevator doors opened." She sat there, silent and still, then stood up and looked down at me. "I'll tell you what, Kate. When you figure all this out – for REAL this time – feel free to call me." She started to walk away and I reached out to grab her hand. "Jordan, wait! Please, just wait a minute," I begged. She stopped, not looking at me, and I could see the muscles of her jaw clenching as she fought to keep her chin from quivering. I held on to her hand tightly as I stood to face her. "You're one of the most amazing people I've ever known, and you've made me feel things I've never felt before. When we were alone, it was like we were in our own little world and I didn't have to think of the implications or consequences of us being together. You're famous and independent, and what you do with your private life doesn't have any effect on how people view you. I work with people's kids every day, and the world I move in is not as accepting as yours. I depend on those people for my livelihood, Jordan. If I lose their respect or their business, I'll lose everything. Can you understand that?" Jordan wouldn't meet my eyes. I put my hand under her chin and turned her head so she would have to look at me, and my heart melted when I saw tears standing in her eyes. I wanted to take her in my arms and hold her, but I knew she wouldn't let me. She looked at me defiantly. "Kate, I'm sorry if this is confusing you and scaring you, but I can't allow you to play around with my feelings. You KNOW how I feel about you, and you let me get close to you even though you aren't sure this is what you want or who you want to be. If respect is what you're worried about, maybe you should think about what you'll lose if you turn your back on who you are." I looked away from her and let go of her hand. "I wish it were that simple," I whispered. She grabbed both of my shoulders and shook me, hard. "It IS that simple, Kate," she hissed. "What about your career as a performer? Can you honestly believe your music won't sound as good to people if they know you're a lesbian? Is the world you live in so damned shallow that the beauty of your music isn't valid because you like to have sex with women? With ME??" Her grip on me was strong, unbreakable, and I could not think of a thing to say as I looked at her tear-streaked face. She held me a moment longer, her eyes searching mine, then she let go and turned away when I remained silent. My heart cried out when I saw the deep sadness and disappointment in her eyes, but my tongue was stuck and I couldn't seem to unlock my throat enough to speak. Jordan stood there with her back to me, and although in my mind's eye I could see my hand stretching out to touch her shoulder, I was frozen in place. After a moment, she sighed deeply and walked to the apartment door. When she got there she stood with her hand on the doorknob, then turned to look at me. "I love you, Kate," she said, her voice catching. "I'd like to believe you love me, but I won't put my life on hold to wait for you. You have to decide what you want, and understand that a life with me will mean you can't hide behind your fear." Sobs shook my body as Jordan left, closing the door softly and taking my heart with her. To be continued... The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 04 When I left Kate's apartment, I leaned back on the closed door and put my head in my hands. I could hear her sobbing, and it was all I could do to keep from rushing back in to take her in my arms. I stood there for a long while, hoping she would open the door and come after me even though that was probably the worst thing that could happen. Sighing deeply, I walked slowly to the elevator and let it carry me to street level, then got in my car and drove away. I knew I should probably go back to my studio and spend some time in the darkroom, but work was the last thing on my mind. I drove around aimlessly for a while, the memory of Kate's sweet body and face and touch still so vivid it seemed as if she were right there next to me. I was tormented with thoughts of losing her, but I knew life with her would be very difficult if she refused to accept the consequences of being in a lesbian relationship with someone as well known and outspoken as I am. I wanted so badly to go back to Kate's and convince her that being true to herself – and by extension, her art – would only serve to set her free, not confine her. I could understand her fear of being rejected; God knows, enough "reputable" galleries in the beginning rejected my work, but eventually the quality of it began to speak for itself, and those galleries that had so haughtily rejected me were now clamoring for me to hang exhibits. It would do neither of us any good for me to go back now, though. Kate had to decide on her own that being with me was important enough to risk losing a few fans; otherwise, her decision would not be honest, and we would be in an even bigger mess than this one. I knew this from first-hand experience, having once tried to convince a former girlfriend that coming out would be the best thing that ever happened to her. I had basically dragged her, kicking and screaming, out of the closet before she was ready, and she still has not forgiven me for "ruining her fucking life", as she so eloquently puts it. Even though my intentions were in the right place, it was my own selfishness and unwillingness to understand her fears that ultimately caused our break up, and I will regret hurting her until my dying day. I decided to drive over to Peter and Jeffrey's frame shop to pick up some work I was having done, and thought maybe I could have a chat with Peter and see if he had any advice for me. As usual, the shop was humming with activity both from the workshops in back and the main showroom. I hesitated as I walked in, thinking maybe this wasn't a good time for me to stop by to unburden my romantic woes, but Jeffrey looked up from his worktable and spotted me soon after the door behind me closed. "Jordan! Darling, how ARE you?" he asked, coming to me and taking off his plastic goggles. When he embraced me, the familiar, homey smell of sawdust mixed with his cologne nearly brought me to tears. I hugged him back, hard, and he looked at me closely when he pulled back and held me at arm's length. "Uh-oh," he said, looking down at me with a serious expression. "Something's wrong, isn't it?" I tried to smile at him, but I felt my lips and chin begin to tremble, then my eyes blurred as the tears began to form. "Damn it," I swore, pulling away from him as I wiped my eyes with my hands. He pulled the safety goggles off and took my arm, steering me to the back where Peter was working. When Peter saw me, he grinned and turned off the saw he was working with, then concern flooded his face when he got a good look at me. Jeffrey sat me down on a stool in their office, where Peter joined us after taking off his apron and goggles. "Okay, Jordan, what gives?" Jeffrey asked as he pulled a stool next to me and sat down. "God, I feel like an idiot," I said, reaching for a tissue as the tears overflowed and ran down my face. Peter, looking on sympathetically, handed me the full box and patted me on the back before returning to his seat. "Why, sweetie?" Jeffrey asked. I looked at Peter. "It's Kate," I said. "Kate? What about her? Is she all right?" Peter asked, half standing in concern. "Yes, yes," I said, waving him back to his seat. "I mean, she hasn't been in an accident or anything, if that's what you're thinking." Jeffrey looked at me, speculating. "Darling," he said to Peter, "I think this is more of a romance emergency than anything else. Am I right, Jordy?" I sighed. "I'm afraid so," I said. "I think I pushed her too far too fast, and now I'm wondering if that was a wise thing to do." Peter chuckled. "Jordan, tell us what happened, although I have a feeling I know," he said. I told them the whole story, beginning from when I first saw Kate and how I hadn't been able to get her off of my mind and ending with my walking out of her apartment. When I finished, they sat there silently and I could feel a cold hand squeezing my heart as I waited to hear what they thought of the situation. "Well, GOOD for you," Peter said suddenly. "I think it's about time someone decided to push Kate into admitting who she is." "Really?" I asked. "Oh, god yes," he said. "I've known Kate most of her life, and it drives me insane that she's so afraid to let loose and really live. She has ALWAYS done things carefully and by the book, and it's about time someone made her face facts and is forcing her to make some kind of decision!" "I just feel so damn awful," I said, my initial surge of hope dissipating as I recalled the fear and sadness on Kate's face before I left her apartment. "She's so new at this, and here I am, already pushing her to come out and to hell with the consequences." Peter stood and walked over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders. His brown eyes looked earnestly into mine. "Jordan, listen to me," he said quietly. "Kate has been running from passion in her life as long as I've known her. She has such fire inside her, but she is desperately afraid to let it out. She had a chance, years ago, to sign a contract with a major record label and begin making her own recordings, but in the end she backed out of the deal and decided teaching was what she wanted to do. Sure, she's a great teacher, but it's not her calling in life. I've known for years that she was a lesbian, but she runs away every time I try to talk to her about it. I finally just gave up and let her be, but it frustrates me to see her closing herself off and settling for less than what she deserves. The day you came and asked me about her, I knew you were the answer to everything. You are exactly the catalyst Kate needs to set off her spark, so I'm telling you now – DO NOT GIVE UP ON HER. It's time, Jordan. It's time for Kate to push her limits and find herself, and you are the one to help her do it." I sat there, trying to absorb Peter's words as he and Jeffrey looked on silently. Looking at Peter, I said, "What if she shuts me out? I'm seriously falling for this woman, and I'm scared to death of losing her. What if my pushing results in losing her for good?" "Well, dear heart, only you can decide whether or not to take that risk," Jeffrey said. "If she's worth it to you – and you have indicated she is – then why would you want to risk never having her at all? At least this way you can know you tried, right?" "I suppose you're right," I said slowly. I sat up straighter and grinned at the two men. "How did you get so wise?" I asked. They grinned at each other and Peter affectionately tousled Jeffrey's air. "Practice, my dear," he said, "Years of practice." I left the shop feeling much better, but still unsure what to do about Kate. In my heart, I knew she was the one for me. I'm not sure exactly how I knew this, since I had only known Kate for a short time, but the feeling was too strong to ignore. I decided to drive back to the studio and start printing the pictures from the shoot that Kate had joined me on. Once I got to the studio, I checked my messages, hoping to find one from Kate. No luck. Sighing, I headed for the darkroom and locked the door, turning on the red light outside which announced to anyone around that I working and the door was not to be opened. Humming to myself, I worked steadily to process the film, finding comfort in the familiar routines of measuring, checking chemical and water temperatures, setting timers, and washing the developed film. I left the newly developed negatives hanging up to dry as I busied myself getting the chemistry and paper ready for making prints. Once the negatives were ready for printing and a contact sheet was made, I began picking the negatives I wanted to print. I whistled when I saw the ones I'd taken of Kate. I knew when I took them that they would be pretty good, but I had no idea how photogenic she was. One of the last ones I took of her, right before I kissed her, took my breath away. She was leaning back against the tree, her hair tossed back and her shirt open at the neck, exposing her graceful neck and the hollow of her throat. The look in her eyes told me everything I needed to know about Ms. Kate Shaw. I could see in her eyes the hidden fire Peter talked about, and I knew beyond any doubt that I wanted to be the one to kindle those flames. I quickly printed the rest of the photos, then sat and stared at my favorite one until the rest of them were dry and I was able to file them away. I was startled to see how late it was when I left the studio for home. It always amazed me how time flew by when I was working; many times, I would even forget to eat when I was in the middle of a project. Realizing how hungry I was, I decided to stop at a favorite pub and grab a bite to eat. Once seated inside, I ordered my usual tuna sandwich and sat sipping a glass of lemonade, then slipped Kate's picture out of the folder I had put it in and set it where I could study it. Her face and eyes mesmerized me, so I was startled when I realized someone was sitting at the table with me. "Wow!" I exclaimed as I recognized the woman who sat across from me. "My God, is it really you, Toby?" I asked in amazement. "The one and only!" Toby laughed as we stood up and embraced. "I can't believe you're here! What are you doing here?" I asked as we sat down. Toby grinned as she lit a cigarette. "I was on my way home from a meeting at the museum when I happened to walk by and look in the window, and here you are, sitting in the usual spot. Imagine my surprise, seeing you here again after all this time!" "Yeah, well…I've been pretty busy lately, and haven't been in town that much," I said. Toby leaned forward and slid her hands across the table, taking my hands in hers. "I can't tell you how much I've been hoping I would see you here," she said, her voice low and intense. "I've really missed you." I sat back, feeling uncomfortable as I pulled my hands away and crossed my arms over my chest. Toby must have sensed my discomfort, because she sat back and said in a bright tone, "So, what have you been up to?" I told her about some of my latest projects and shows, beginning to relax as she asked questions and then talked about the exhibits she was coordinating at the museum. She ended up joining me for dinner and we spent the time catching up, laughing a lot as we reminisced about some of the crazy things we'd done while we were sleeping together and sharing a one room apartment. "So, are you seeing anyone right now?" she asked, lighting another cigarette and leaning back in her chair. I hesitated. "No. Well, not really," I said. "Not really? What does that mean, exactly?" she asked, laughing. I shifted in my chair. "It's a long story," I said, not sure how to explain what I meant. Toby gestured with her hand, the smoke from her cigarette forming a graceful loop above her head. "I've got all the time in the world, babe," she said grandly. "Lay it on me." I told Toby the story, leaving out the more intimate details but giving her a basic idea. She listened carefully, then stood up without a word and walked over to the bar. She came back with a drink for each of us and sat back down, just looking at me. "Well?" I blurted, unable to read from her expression what she was thinking. She took a sip of her drink. "Well, it sounds to me like this Kate has you running in circles," she said. " Is that about right?" I stared at her. "No, of course not," I said defensively. "Really?" she asked skeptically. "Then why aren't you with her right now?" I laughed. "Well, I might be, if you hadn't come along." "I see," she said cryptically, taking another sip of her drink and looking at me over the top of her glass. "Would you stop it?" I said, swallowing my drink in a gulp and setting the glass down hard. "I'm not with Kate right now because I still haven't figured out what to do and how to go about doing it. That's it, period. I just want to figure things out for myself and give her a little time before I talk to her again." "Okay, okay, calm down. I'm just giving you shit, Jordan. I didn't mean to upset you." We sat for a while longer, drinking and talking about old times, then I glanced at my watch and was startled to see it was almost eleven. When I stood up to get ready to leave, I could feel myself leaning over and then starting to tip, and probably would have fallen if Toby hadn't grabbed me in time. "Are you okay?" she asked, her arms around me. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I said, rubbing my eyes. "I guess I had a little too much to drink and didn't realize it." "Come on," Toby said, putting her arm around me and leading me out of the pub. "Let's get you home." I don't really remember much of the cab ride to my apartment. I remember leaning on Toby's shoulder and drifting off. I also remember swaying slightly as I stood on the sidewalk, waiting for Toby to finish paying the cabby, then we were inside my apartment and Toby was leading me to the bedroom. I fell on the bed, my limbs suddenly feeling like they each weighed about a ton. "Damn, I forgot how vodka affects you," Toby muttered as she began taking my clothes off. I wanted to protest, but it felt really good so I kept quiet. The next thing I knew I was under the covers naked, then everything grew dark and I was out. I swam into semi-consciousness sometime later, not sure if I was asleep or awake. I felt a hand stroking the inside of my thigh. My brain was so groggy that all I could think about was how good it felt. The hand was soft and warm, and it moved slowly up to my breasts and began to tease my nipples. I convinced myself everything would stop if I woke up, so I stayed still and let the feelings wash over me. I felt breath on my neck, then the hand slid lower, pausing at my stomach and caressing the muscles there. I tried to keep my breathing even, but it was getting harder to do as the hand caressed lower, lightly brushing my trimmed pubic hair. I felt it slide down between my legs, tracing the outside of my slit and gently spreading my legs wider. "Kate," I moaned softly. Her hand was still for a moment, then slid down to my slit again and began gently exploring every ridge and fold. I could feel the wetness there, and moaned again as two fingers rubbed along each side of my clit but didn't actually touch it. I felt her mouth at my nipple, then gentle sucking and a wet tongue swirling around, making my nipple hard and erect. I wanted to move my hands, but my arms were so heavy that all I could do was lie there. Her mouth continued to suck at my nipple while her hand gently probed every inch of my wetness, still not touching my clit. I could hear myself moaning, but it sounded like it was coming from somewhere else. Her fingers slid inside me and began to slowly, rhythmically move in and out. I whimpered in protest as her mouth left my nipple, then I felt her body slide down and move in between my legs. I arched my back and cried aloud as I felt her warm tongue probing the top of my slit as her fingers kept sliding in and out of me. I struggled to open my eyes, but they stubbornly remained shut in spite of my efforts. She pushed my legs farther apart and spread me wide open, then her tongue was covering my clit and licking strongly from top to bottom. My hips were moving in time with her fingers, which were still sliding in and out, getting faster now. My clit was swollen, throbbing and hard, and the feel of her tongue on me was pure ecstasy. I could feel my orgasm building, and my hips began to buck wildly as I came, bumping my clit and pubic bone against her face. "Ohhhh," I moaned, my entire body covered in a light sweat and going limp with exhaustion. I could do nothing but lie there as unconsciousness overtook me again. My head was throbbing when I woke up the next day, squinting at the shaft of bright sunlight coming through a slit in the curtain. I sat up, looking around at my bed and trying to remember what had happened in the night. I was naked, but could not remember how I got that way, or even how I got to bed, for that matter. My mouth felt like something furry was living in it, and as I struggled to get out of bed, I groaned and put my head in my hands as the room started spinning. I could vaguely remember having an incredibly vivid sex dream about Kate, then I looked up in sudden hope despite my throbbing headache. HAD it been a dream? I wondered. It had felt so real, and was so vivid. Maybe Kate really HAD been with me last night. I looked around and noticed clothes on the floor that didn't belong to me, and had just started to stand up and look through the house when the phone rang. Before I could get to it, I could hear someone answer, and I groaned when I realized it was Toby's voice I was hearing, not Kate's. Looking around the room, my stomach dropped when I realized that what had happened last night was not a dream come true, but a nightmare. After all my talk about how much I wanted Kate, I had fallen into Toby's trap and ended up sleeping with her. I heard footsteps coming down the hall, and I looked up to see Toby standing in the doorway with the phone in her hand. "It's for you," she said, holding the receiver out to me. "It's Kate." To be continued... The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 05 Summer finally arrived. With it came the usual evenings spent entertaining friends and extra sessions with my students, practicing for weekend recitals. In the long year since I had last spoken to Jordan, I had thrown myself both into teaching and performing, trying hard to eradicate the feel of her kisses and caresses from my memory. After a few attempts to contact me, her calls finally stopped and I no longer worried I would see her standing in the doorway to my studio or buzzing to be let up to my apartment. I was peripherally aware of her, of course, and I suppose I made a conscious effort to avoid places where her work was most likely to be exhibited. Eventually, between my performance and teaching schedules, I thought of Jordan less and less. I woke up early the morning before a performance and stretched languidly, enjoying the sated feeling in my limbs. Next to me, Paul slept, snoring lightly and looking like a little boy with his hair tousled and his fist curled under his chin. I reached over and gently brushed his hair off his forehead, then bent and kissed him softly. He stirred slightly, then turned over and was soon snoring again. I quietly got out of bed and put on my robe, then closed the door behind me so I wouldn't disturb him while I practiced. I had met Paul five months ago at a recital I gave in honor of a very wealthy patron of our local symphony who was celebrating her 80th birthday. It was a wonderfully ritzy black tie affair, and soon after I'd performed I was introduced to a tall, striking man whose eyes were so dark blue they were nearly violet. His dark brown hair, although expensively cut, tumbled down over his forehead and made him look like a naughty boy trying to convince others of his innocence. The entire time we were talking, I wanted to run my fingers through his hair, which made it pretty hard for me to concentrate on the conversation. When he asked me out at the end of the evening, I surprised myself by accepting. My initial excitement turned to nervousness and uncertainty, and I almost cancelled our first date. It had been so long since I'd even considered going out with anyone that I wasn't sure I remembered how to act. I realized that I couldn't shut myself off forever, so I swallowed my reservations and went through with it. A month later we became lovers. I sat at my piano and did a few quick warm up exercises. It still amazed me how easily I had slipped back into the performance circuit and how incredibly fulfilling it had become to me. I settled in to practice the music I would be performing the next night and soon was lost in Mendelssohn's beautiful "Songs Without Words". I felt Paul lift the hair off the back of my neck and kiss me, his lips sending shivers down my spine. The feeling that rushed through my body felt like an extension of the music I was playing, and I leaned back into his warmth. He slid his hands over my shoulders and down inside the robe I was wearing, cupping my breasts and leaning over to kiss the side of my neck. "I think you should always dress like this when you practice," he murmured against my skin, sending vibrations through my body. "Is that right?" I sighed, placing my hands over his and squeezing. "Mmmm," he hummed, sliding the robe off my shoulders and kissing my bare skin, his hands like cool silk on my breasts. I straightened up and turned my head slightly so I could kiss him. "You're so bad!" I laughed, pushing him away. "You know I can't concentrate when you do that!" He smiled his naughty boy smile, looking at me from under his eyelashes. "I can't help it," he said, grinning. "You're so damn irresistible." "Go away, you pagan," I said. "Let me finish what I need to do, or I'll be weird all day. You know how it goes." With a sigh, Paul pulled my robe back up over my shoulders and gave me a parting kiss on the top of my head. "Yeah, I know. Kate the Great and all that," he said ruefully, teasing me. "I'll be around somewhere… waiting…if you're interested." He walked out of the music room and closed the doors behind him. I sat, for the moment unable to focus on what I was supposed to be doing. The thought of Paul's delicious, lean body was almost too much for me to resist, but I finally was able to turn my thoughts back to music and soon was lost again. When I resurfaced and joined the world, I was startled to see it was early afternoon. I stood up and stretched, then went to check on Paul before I took a shower. I expected to see him sitting at his drawing board in the study, working on his latest project, but he wasn't there. "Paul?" I called out, not finding him in the kitchen or in the TV room. I went into the bedroom and stopped cold. He was sitting up in bed fast asleep, with papers and blueprints scattered all around. I stared at him for long moments, drinking in his beauty. I walked over and picked up the papers, moving them off the bed and trying not to wake him. He was sound asleep, his hair tumbling over his forehead, the smooth skin of his chest rising and falling with each breath. I felt a stirring deep inside me as I looked at his strong hands and his lips, remembering his touch. I dropped my robe and slid naked into the bed next to him, moving softly. I pulled the covers down past his waist and gently began stroking the firm muscles of his stomach, rubbing my hand in small circles until I reached his chest. I leaned down and licked one of his nipples, then felt him stir as he woke up and looked at me with those violet blue eyes. "Hi there," he said, his voice roughened with sleep. "Hi, yourself," I said, scooting closer and caressing his chest, bending down to take his nipple in my mouth. He moaned, and I felt his muscles tighten as he started to put his arms around me. I sat up and pushed his hands away, then straddled him and leaned down to kiss him. His hands came up and began to move restlessly in my hair, and I could feel him growing hard against me as I slowly moved my body up and down on him. "Oh, god," he breathed into my mouth, sliding down further until he was flat on his back with me on top of him. My hair, which had grown long, tumbled into his face, something he found incredibly sexy. He pulled me down and kissed me long and slow, exploring me with his tongue. I stretched out on top of him, our bodies fitting perfectly. We kissed for a long time, both of us making little noises that signified our mounting passion. I sat up again, wanting his fullness, and he looked into my eyes as I lowered myself onto his length. He moaned loudly as our flesh met and I took him deep inside me. His hands moved up to caress my breasts and erect nipples, and I placed my hands on his chest as I began to rock back and forth. Our eyes met and held, his hips thrusting with long slow movements as we rocked together in rhythm. I could tell he was about to explode by his breathing and the way his eyes widened, so I slowed down because I wasn't ready yet. "I want us to come together," I whispered, leaning forward to capture his lips in mine. "Yes," he breathed hoarsely. "Oh, yes. Just let me know when baby, okay?" "Touch me, Paul," I said, our faces inches apart. "Touch me, and it won't be long." I sat up again and began to rock as Paul slid his hand between our bodies and found my clit, stroking it firmly as me moved inside me. I began to shake as his finger moved more rapidly on my swollen clit, pressing into me in the places he knew so well. I tossed my head back as I felt the orgasm building, and cried out loud as it washed over me. Paul's hands held my waist as he thrust deeply into me, his entire length throbbing as he moaned and exploded seconds after I did. I straddled him, keeping him inside me for a moment until he smoothly turned on his side and took me with him, holding me in his arms as our breathing began to slow down. I nuzzled into his chest, breathing deeply of his scent and loving the feel of his strong arms around me, the feel of his hard body next to mine. He gently stroked my hair as I licked the hollow of his throat, and I could feel the vibrations in his body as he hummed softly to himself. "Well, you sure know how to wake a guy up, don't you?" he said into my hair. I chuckled. "You looked so damn cute, I couldn't help myself. Besides, I felt bad about this morning and wanted to make it up to you." "In that case, maybe I should interrupt your practicing more often," he teased. I sat up abruptly. "Paul, you do understand, don't you?" I asked, worried. "Kate," he said, reaching up to smooth a lock of my hair back behind my ear, "Believe me when I tell you that, even though sometimes it's frustrating that you can be so inaccessible to me, I really do understand. I knew when I met you how devoted you are to your music, and I would never let anything – especially my own selfishness – get in your way. Don't you realize that your music is one of the things that made me fall in love with you?" Those words hit me like a tons of bricks, and suddenly I felt as if I couldn't breathe. "You what?" I said, my hand on my chest. "I'm in love with you, Katie. You mean you really didn't know that?" I shook my head and moved over to the side of the bed, picking up my robe and putting it back on. I felt Paul move close behind me, then felt his hand on my back. "Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?" he asked. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was upset. I stood up, my back to him. I felt like my entire world had just tilted, and I didn't know why. I couldn't look at him, and I had a sudden desire to run out of the room and keep on running. The bed creaked as Paul stood up and moved behind me. I closed my eyes when he put his hands on my shoulders, but I couldn't relax. "Kate…" he began. "Paul, baby, I'm so sorry," I interrupted, moving away from him. I walked to the closet and started looking for clothes to wear, grabbing whatever was handy and pulling it on. "I need to go. I need to… um…" "Kate, look at me," Paul said, reaching for me. He put his hands on my shoulders again and forced me to turn around. I was crying and couldn't look at him. "LOOK at me, Kate. Please!" he begged, and I finally was able to raise my eyes to his. The look of hurt on his face nearly undid me, and I pulled away from him again. "I can't, Paul," I sobbed. "Please…I don't understand any of this, but please let me go. I just can't be here right now." Stumbling, nearly blinded by tears now, I grabbed my keys and left the apartment. I was afraid Paul would come after me as I stood at the elevator, but he didn't. I left the building and walked to my car, and when I looked up at my window I could see Paul standing there looking down at me. I drove around aimlessly for hours, trying to figure out what on earth had just happened. I'd heard about panic attacks from different people I knew, but I'd never actually had one before. I felt awful for Paul, knowing how badly I'd hurt him, but for some reason his words had thrown some kind of switch in me. I knew Paul loved me, as I loved him, but we had never actually said the words "I'm in love with you" before. For some reason, those words scared me to death. Even though I knew in my heart that Paul would not try to find me, I still avoided places he knew I might be on the off chance I was wrong. I had left my cell phone at home in my haste to leave, but it was probably just as well. I didn't want to have contact with anyone right now. I was sure Paul wouldn't call any of our friends – or worse, my parents – to tell them about this, but I was glad they had no way to contact me in case he did. I drove out into the country, hoping to find a quiet place where I could think and try to figure out what had caused me to panic. I found a long winding road off the highway and decided to follow it, eventually coming to a small clearing that was next to a bubbling creek. I stopped the car and walked down to the creek bank, slipping off my shoes and letting the cool water flow over my bare feet. I stayed there for a long while, trying to make sense of the turmoil I was feeling. I couldn't figure out what was so wrong about Paul telling me he was in love with me. Any woman would have to be crazy to run away from that. He was everything I had ever dreamed about – handsome, successful, intelligent, sensitive, and a great lover. Most of all, though, he was not threatened by my own success or the intensity with which I pursued my art. My friends who had met him assured me this was a very rare trait, and one to be treasured. So why was I running away from him? The answer came to me of its own accord, stunning in its simplicity: Paul was not Jordan. I rocked back as this thought entered my head. I had – successfully, I thought – so thoroughly banished Jordan from my thoughts for so long that at times she had seemed like a dream to me. The morning I had called and heard another woman's voice answer Jordan's phone, I felt myself shut down. I had listened to Jordan's desperate explanation as she tried to convince me she'd been drunk and heartsick over me, but my mind seemed to be paralyzed and I could make no sense of what she was saying. I remember hanging up on Jordan, feeling as though I was being enclosed in a black tunnel, and then I was lying on the floor sobbing as if my heart would break. As I sat there on the bank of a creek, feeling water rush over my feet, all of the feelings I'd been repressing about Jordan came flooding back with an intensity that almost doubled me over. I felt such a rush of longing for her that I ached physically, and I knew I needed to talk to her before I could make any other decisions. I ran to my car and got in, hands shaking with the knowledge that I was finally going to see Jordan again. When I got back into the city, it was nearly midnight. I drove to Jordan's apartment and parked outside, hesitating when I realized how late it was. Jordan's lights were out, and I thought maybe she was at her studio working, but I drove around the block and saw that her jeep was there. I parked again and sat for a moment, gathering my courage, then I got out and went to the door. My heart was pounding hard, and I was breathing as though I had just run a marathon. I reached up to knock, then stopped. What if another woman answered the door? I wasn't sure my heart could take that, although I wouldn't blame Jordan for moving on after the way I'd treated her. The thought of some woman sleepily answering this door made my stomach clench, but I knew even that would be an answer for me, so I took a deep breath and knocked. There was silence, then a light turned on inside just as I was about to knock again. A curtain in the window next to the door was pulled aside, then I heard a muffled exclamation from inside. Locks turned, and suddenly Jordan was there, looking tousled and sleepy and sexier than I remembered. "Kate?" she asked, still sleepy. "Is it really you?" "It's me," I said, clearing my throat as my voice cracked. "Are you all right? What are you doing here?" she asked, pulling the lapels of her flannel shirt closed. "I need to talk to you, Jordan. Please. Can I come in?" She stood there looking at me for a long minute, and I felt as though my heart had stopped. "Yeah, yeah, come on in," she said, standing back and letting me in. I had never actually been inside her apartment before, had only driven by out of curiosity once or twice when we'd first met. It smelled like her; a combination of cinnamon and vanilla that instantly took me back to the last time we'd made love. She walked into the living room and turned on a lamp near the couch, and before I knew it I was across the room and in her arms, hugging her tightly. She hesitated, then put her arms around me and held me for a moment before gently pulling away and offering me a seat on the couch. I sat down, and she sat in a recliner across from me. "What's going on, Kate?" she asked, looking at me carefully. "Are you here alone?" I asked before I could think. Jordan tensed, the muscles in her jaw knotting. "Why?" she asked tightly. I winced. I hadn't meant to ask that question, but I needed to know where things stood with her before I went on. "Are you?" "Well, if you must know, yes, I'm alone. Toby is out of town on business." "Toby? Who's Toby?" I asked, my heart sinking. "She's the one who answered the phone the morning you called me," Jordan answered, still tense. "I thought you told me she was a mistake…that you were drunk and didn't mean to sleep with her," I protested. "Well, I was wrong," Jordan said as she stood up and began pacing around the room. "Seems like I was wrong about a lot of things back then." "Jordan, please, listen to me. I…" "You what?" Jordan said angrily, stopping in front of me. "Why the hell are you here, Kate? Why now, after all this time?" I stood up and moved in close to her. "I'm here because I wanted you to know I was wrong. I was wrong for treating you the way I did, I was wrong for being afraid, and I was wrong for not allowing myself to admit how much I love you." She stared at me, stunned, then turned her back on me and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm sorry, Kate. You had your chance with me, and you chose to walk away. It's too late." I walked behind her and put my arms around her, pulling her against me. "Do you love Toby?" I asked, my voice quivering. She sighed deeply. "Yes, I do." I slid my hands up under her arms and placed them over her breasts. She tensed again, but made no move to stop me. I caressed her through the warm flannel, feeling her nipples come erect under my touch. "Do you love her as much as you love me?" I whispered, knowing in some remote part of me that this was wrong, this was unfair, but I was unable to stop touching her. She trembled in my arms, then turned around and kissed me fiercely, grinding her body into mine. Her hands tore at my clothes and mine fumbled at the buttons of her shirt, finally ripping the shirt open. Our mouths were desperate, sucking at each other as our tongues met and entwined. I cried out as I felt her hands on my naked skin, and she lowered me to the floor and stretched out on top of me, grinding her hips into me. She took one of my breasts in her hand and squeezed hard, then lowered her mouth to the other and sucked greedily at my nipple. I held her head tightly to my body with one hand, raking my nails along her back with the other. She slid a hand down between my legs and groaned when she felt how wet I was, then slid two fingers deep inside me as she sucked on my breast. I was bucking under her, clawing at her back and thrashing back and forth as she moved her fingers in and out of me roughly. I came suddenly, violently, feeling my body spasm around her fingers, then she moved down and jerked my legs open, sliding in between them and lapping my clit with her strong tongue. I was crying, moaning loudly as I felt her tongue flick my clit back and forth rapidly. She reached up and squeezed my breast with one hand, holding me wide open with her other as her tongue worked mercilessly on my clit. I screamed as I came, shuddering with the force of it and grabbing her head to stop her from touching me. I felt raw and sore, remembering with a jolt that I had made love to Paul just a few hours earlier. We both lay there trembling, Jordan with her head resting on my thigh. As our ragged breathing slowed down, Jordan sat up and picked up her shirt. I could see the marks my nails had made on her back before she put her shirt back on. I sat up, my head spinning, and pulled my knees into my chest as I looked at her, speechless. "Well, is that what you wanted?" she asked in a low, bitter voice, not looking at me. I felt sorrow well up inside me as I looked at her back. I began to cry again, hugging myself tighter. The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 05 "I want you to love me, Jordan. I want you to give me another chance," I sobbed, putting my face in my hands. "I didn't mean for things to be this way." Still not facing me, she said, "Then why did you come here? You know how hard it is for me to resist you. Even after all this time, I remember exactly how you felt in my arms, and how you tasted and smelled." She turned to look at me, and my heart broke again when I saw the tears streaming down her face. She held herself rigidly, angrily wiping the tears away. "I have someone in my life now, Jordan. She was there for me when you disappeared from my life, and she's still here." "But you don't love her, Jordan," I whispered. "Not like you love me, and you know that's true." "Maybe not, but at least she's honest about her feelings for me. At least she doesn't run away and hide." "Jordan! I WAS honest with you!" I cried. "I told you exactly how I felt, and exactly what I was afraid of, and YOU are the one who chose to walk out. A lot of things have changed since then, and…" "What about Paul?" she asked softly. My heart lurched. "What do you mean?" She stood up and sat wearily on the couch. "I know you've been living with a man named Paul. Where does he fit into all of this? Have you ended things with him?" I lowered my head. "No. He told me today he was in love with me, and I freaked out and ran away." She laughed bitterly. "Well, I guess that doesn't surprise me." My head snapped up in anger. "You know nothing about my relationship with Paul!" "Do you fuck him?" she asked, eyes narrowed. I sat there, speechless, my mind unable to think of how to answer her. "Let me guess – you fucked him, then he told you he was in love with you, THEN you ran away, right?" she said, almost sneering in her anger at me. Still, I couldn't answer. She shifted on the couch, her shirt falling open and exposing her nakedness. I could see then how much weight she'd lost, and for some reason my brain chose that moment to notice how her hair had grown and was streaked blond from the sun. "Kate, Paul doesn't know about me, does he?" she asked. Numbly, I shook my head. She sagged back into the couch, suddenly looking exhausted and very small. "I can't do this, Kate. I'm sorry; I know you think you've had some great revelation, but I think it was a mistake for you to come here." I jumped up and knelt in front of her, naked. She looked down at me, her eyes moving over my body, and I took her hands in mine. "Don't say that! Please don't say that! Jordan, when I left Paul, I drove around for hours and finally ended up in a place where I could think. It suddenly became so clear to me – YOU are the one I want, not Paul! I was so afraid of the feelings I had for you and the consequences being with you could have on my career that I didn't know how to have both! The reason I freaked out when Paul told me he was in love with me is that I'm in love with YOU. Jordan, please. Things are different with me now, and I know we can make this work. I can see by the way you look at me that you still love me!" Jordan took my face in her hands and tenderly wiped my tears away with her thumbs. "Kate," she said, "please understand the position you've put me in. Toby and I have been together for over a year now, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she loves me with all her heart. If I were to decide to take a chance with you and leave her, she would be devastated. I do love her, despite what you may think. It may not be the same way I love you, but it's safe, and it's honest. I don't have to worry about her deciding I'm bad for her image and leaving me. I can't let myself love you that way. What if you decide one day that you need to marry Paul, and that I'm just a mistake? It would kill me to lose you again." Trembling, I stood up and began finding my clothes, dressing slowly. Jordan sat silently on the couch and watched me. "Jordan, you were the one who told me I needed to be true to myself. You were the one who said my life would be empty and meaningless unless I could truly be who I am, and now I'm willing to do that. I love you, Jordan. I tried to erase you from my life and my heart, but I can't. Somehow, I'll tell Paul what's going on with me and let him know I can't be with him. Even if I'm not with you, I owe him that. But let me tell you one thing, and then I'll go," I said as I finished dressing. I knelt in front of her and put my hands on her knees. "You say your relationship with Toby is safe and honest. Okay, I'll give you that. I'm sorry for not having the courage to love you as fully and as openly as you wanted me to. All I can say is that I'm ready to take that step now, and I hope you'll think about that." I took her hand and placed it on my heart, and she looked at me with tears shining in her eyes. "I guess I'm asking you to have courage now, and follow your heart," I said, standing up. "You know where to find me." I picked up my keys, opened the door, and headed home to talk to Paul. As I drove off, I saw Jordan standing in the window, watching me leave. It was the second time in so many days I had left someone watching me in pain from a window, and I didn't know how to bear it. The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 06 As I drove home, I looked at the clock on my dashboard and was shocked to see it was nearly two o’clock in the morning. I felt drained and emotionally exhausted, and I was not sure how I would manage to get through my performance later in the evening. I dreaded having to face Paul and tell him the truth about my feelings, and I dreaded the possibility that I might never hear from Jordan again. I couldn’t believe how my life had become such a mess in such a short period of time. It began to rain as I parked in the street next to my building, and my heart sank when I saw Paul’s car still there. A craven, cowardly part of me had been hoping he might have left, allowing me to put off this confrontation for a while. I sat in my car, listening to the rain as I tried to grip my courage in both hands and go inside to deal with Paul. Finally, I could put it off no longer, and I went inside. The apartment was dark when I walked in quietly, and I gently put my keys down on the table by the door. I shivered as the cold air hit my damp clothes and hair. I stood there indecisively, not sure whether I should go and wake Paul up, then a lamp in the living room snapped on suddenly and I started in surprise. “Jesus, Paul, you scared me to death!” I exclaimed, my heart thudding against my chest. He sat there looking at me, his eyes bleak and hollow. I could feel my heart begin to crack as I saw the misery etched on his face, and knew there was nothing I could do but put an end to this as quickly as possible. “I owe you an explanation,” I said, walking toward him and sitting in the chair across from the couch. The muscles in his jaw moved, but he said nothing. His hands were clenched in his lap so tightly that the knuckles where white. I knelt on the floor in front of him and placed my hands over his, looking up into his eyes. He sat there, rigid, and stared at me. “Paul,” I began, “I want to apologize for running out of here the way I did. I know you can’t possibly understand what happened, and I am so sorry I hurt you.” He made a small sound in his throat, and I could see him swallowing hard. Tears brightened his eyes, and I felt my own well up as I began to tell him about my feelings for Jordan. I couldn’t look at him as I spoke, and by the time I finished we were both trembling. My hands had grown ice cold as I held his tightly, and when I finally looked up at him, he had tears running down his face. A sob broke through his teeth, and he jerked his head away from me when I reached up to touch his cheek. I dropped my hand back down and looked at him miserably, hurt by his reaction but unable to fault him for it. “Why…” he began, his voice cracking, “didn’t you tell me about Jordan before now?” “Because I wanted to forget about her,” I said, standing up and going back to sit in the chair across from him. “I tried to block her out of my feelings and my life, Paul. I tried to love you and let you love me, but I can’t deny my feelings for her any longer. God, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” He laughed sharply. “Well, it seems you didn’t succeed at either thing, did you?” I winced at his angry tone, but sat silently and didn’t respond. I knew there was nothing to be said. He looked at me for a long moment, then stood up abruptly and began to walk back and forth, running his fingers through his hair. I watched his long legs as he strode around, trying to make sense of everything. I wanted so badly to go to him, put my arms around him, and tell him it would all be okay, but I knew that would not help matters. “Kate,” he said, stopping in front of me, “this is so wrong. You’ve been so happy with me, living here together! We’ve made love together so many times! How can you possibly tell me you’re in love with a woman? You said yourself you don’t really know her that well! How am I supposed to take you seriously?” “Paul, I can’t explain this any better. I wish I could!” I stood up so we were facing each other. “Don’t you know how much I wish this had never happened? Don’t you think I want more than anything to be able to make you happy? I wish I could be with you, Paul, but I can’t. Jordan is in my heart – she’s part of my soul. I can’t just turn my back on that!” “You CAN!” he said, grabbing me and pulling me close. His powerful arms hugged me to his body, my arms pinned against his chest. He kissed me roughly as I struggled, but his desperate strength was too much for me. My body began to respond as he forced his tongue into my mouth, but I pushed against him until he finally let me go and I was able to break away. Panting, I stepped back and slapped him as hard as I could. He stared at me, mouth open, as an angry red mark stood out on his cheek. “God damn you, Paul!” I sobbed, covering my face. “Katie! Oh, shit, Katie….oh my god, I’m so sorry,” he gasped in horror. “Please forgive me, Katie…god….I….I didn’t mean to do that!” He sat back down, slumped over, as if all the life had run out of him. He put his face in his hands and sat there for a while, and when he looked up at me, his face was calm and wiped clean of any expression. “Kate, I don’t understand any of this. I’m in love with you, and I think that scares you to death. Maybe if I just give you time to get used to the idea….” He stopped when he saw me shaking my head, then sighed, stood up, and walked toward the bedroom. “I’m going to take some of my things and stay at my place for a while, Kate. Maybe when you’ve had a chance to really sit and think about things, it will be clearer to you. I know you’ve got a concert tonight, so I’ll go now and leave you in peace for a while. But Kate, will you please do something for me?” I nodded my head, helpless to speak. “Please think carefully about this. I know you love me, and that all these months together weren’t a lie. Please, take the time to really think, okay? I’ll wait,” he said, then disappeared into the bedroom before I could respond. I sat in my chair, listening as he opened and closed drawers, packing his clothes and shaving kit. Eventually, he walked out and came over to me, and I began to cry when he leaned down and took me gently in his arms. “Please forgive me for being so rough with you,” he whispered into my hair. “I would never do anything to hurt you, Kate. The thought of losing you…” he stopped, his voice breaking. I hugged him tightly, breathing his familiar scent deeply, then let him go and sat back. He looked down at me sadly for a long moment, then turned and walked down the hall and out the door. I tried to sleep after he left, but I could not bear to be in the bed we had shared so recently. I took a comforter from the closet and went to lie down on the couch, my body aching for sleep but my mind racing. I could not recall ever having felt so emotionally unprepared for a concert before, and I tried hard to relax so I could rest. Finally, just as I thought I would be up all night, my eyes closed and I drifted off. When I woke up a few hours earlier, I was confused to find myself lying on the couch. I sat up and yawned deeply, then my heart sank as I remembered everything that had happened. I went into the music room and sat at the piano, trying to push everything out of my mind except the music I was supposed to breathe life into. My training finally took over as I played through the entire evening’s program, and I was able to lose myself in the wonderful music as I always did. I took a long, hot shower after practicing, and spent a long time getting dressed. I decided to wear my favorite concert outfit, a black dress that was simple yet elegant. The neckline scooped just enough into a V both in the front and in the back, and the skirt was loose and fell softly around mid-calf. I wore, as always, the silver and gold cross necklace my grandmother had given me, and my earrings were simple silver hoops. I never wore rings, bracelets, or a watch while I played, feeling that my hands had more dexterity without them. After a last look in the mirror to make sure I didn’t look like I’d been crying all night, I left for the recital hall. When I arrived, the stage manager met me backstage and led me over to the piano. He handed me a bottle of water, then left me alone. I typically arrived at a concert venue about two hours before the performance to warm up, and this particular stage manager was an old friend. He knew I liked to be alone to concentrate, so he didn’t hover over me like some of the managers of other concert halls. After I finished warming up and felt suitably flexible and relaxed, I went to the green room and sat down with my water, mentally reviewing all of the music in my head. Thoughts of Paul and Jordan kept trying to crowd their way in, but I forced myself to focus on the task at hand. Soon, I was standing in the wings and could hear the familiar murmur of the audience as they took their seats and mingled with each other. The lights flickered twice, signaling that the concert was about to begin. As they finally dimmed and left the recital hall in darkness, I walked out onto the stage and stood at the piano to acknowledge the applause, then sat at the bench and began to play. Usually during a performance, the audience disappeared for me within the first few minutes of my playing. There had been times in the past when I’d been almost startled at the applause following the end of a piece. It always seemed surreal to me that an entire hall full of people was sitting silently and listening while I did what I loved best, and I was always grateful for their enthusiastic response afterwards. Tonight, however, something was different. Although I loved the music I was playing, I found myself feeling unsettled, and literally counting time until the end of the program. I felt restless suddenly, wanting to be done with the concert so I could go home and try to think through everything that had happened. When the last piece was played and the curtain closed, I hurried to the lobby where a reception was being held. Several people came to hug me or shake my hand to congratulate me, and I extricated myself as soon as was polite and was headed home by about ten o’clock. When I got home, the emptiness of my apartment was almost more than I could stand. I could still smell Paul’s cologne in the bathroom, and I hated the sight of the empty, open drawers he’d left in his haste to go. I closed them, then went to sit on the couch. The apartment was dark and silent, and I don’t think I’d ever felt so miserable and alone in my life. After a nearly sleepless night, I stepped groggily into the shower in the morning and tried to let the water blast me into consciousness. I foolishly brought my cordless phone into the bathroom, hoping it would ring and I’d find Jordan on the line. As I stood letting streams of hot water beat on me, I kept imagining I heard ringing and would shut the water off, listening breathlessly to nothing but dripping water and silence. I got dressed, passing up breakfast because the mere thought of eating made my stomach clench, and headed for my music store. My cell phone was fully charged and within easy reach, but it remained stubbornly silent. Walking into the store, I groaned when I saw Beth was working behind the counter. She was a talented musician, but could never seem to reconcile her awkward personality with the magic of her flute playing. She looked up, frowning, as I walked in through the door and made our little bell ring. “Hey, Beth,” I said as she returned her gaze to the magazine she was reading. “Hi,” she replied, not bothering to look up again as I walked past. I shook my head and walked back to where my office was, then walked to the office across the hall. Robert, my business partner and co-owner of the store, sat at his cluttered desk and was scowling at the computer. I plopped into one of his comfortable chairs and sighed heavily. “Hey there,” he said, taking off his glasses and looking at me. “Wow. What happened to you?” I tucked my legs up underneath me. “Rob, Beth has GOT to go,” I said. “Kate, you always say that,” he said, laughing. “Come on, Rob! She’s got the personality of a dung beetle, and she scares half our customers away! There are actually people who won’t come into the store if they see she’s working.” He laughed again. “Now you’re making things up, Kate. She’s not THAT bad. Just because she lacks that certain…” “Certain what?” I interrupted. “She frowns at people when they walk in, and barely speaks when they ask questions. Is this really who we want working for us?” I sat back and slapped my hands down on my legs, frustrated. Robert looked at me seriously for a moment, then got up and came over to sit next to me. “Okay, what’s going on?” he asked, taking my hand. “I’ve not seen you so agitated before. What is it?” I sat there and looked at his strong hands holding mine, wanting to spill everything yet terrified of his reaction. I hesitated, and when I looked up and saw the concern in his eyes, it happened. I lost it and began to cry. “Whoa now!” he exclaimed, putting his arms around me and rocking me back and forth. “Katie, what on earth is wrong?” I couldn’t answer, just shook my head and grabbed his shirt in one hand as I sobbed. Robert sat holding me until I was calm, then silently handed me a box of tissue from his desk. I sat back, wiping my eyes and taking deep breaths. “I’m so sorry, Rob,” I said, hiccupping slightly. “I didn’t mean to flip out on you.” He squeezed my hand. “It’s okay. What else are friends for, if not a good shirt-soaking?” We both laughed, and I began to feel a little better. “So,” Robert asked after I had calmed down a bit, “do I get to know the cause of this little outburst?” I sat silently, then took a deep breath and began telling him everything, leaving out nothing except the intimate details. He looked at me gravely as I talked, not interrupting me as my story unfolded. When I finished, he sat quietly and thoughtfully for a long time, so long that it started to make me nervous. “What?” I finally asked, unable to take the silence any longer. Robert looked at me, and I was relieved to see the same friendship and concern for me on his face that I’d always seen. “Ok, first things first – why did you wait so long to tell me all of this?” he asked, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest. I stood up and began to pace. “Robert, I was so afraid…I had no idea how you or anyone else would react. This has all been so damn confusing for me that half the time, I don’t know which way is up. The whole thing with Paul was such a huge mistake, but everyone thought we were the perfect couple so it just seemed easiest to go along.” My voice became ragged as I spoke faster and faster, the words tumbling out of me as if released from a dam. “I thought I’d managed to forget Jordan, but Robert, I didn’t! No matter how much I tried to, I could not get her out of my head.” “Whoa honey, okay, come here,” Robert said, pulling me back down on the couch. He put his arms around me and held me close, stroking my hair and murmuring words to calm me down. I could feel my breathing slow down and my body relax as his nonsense words begin to reach me. “Kate,” he murmured into my hair, “it’s okay. You’ve managed to let your fears get in the way of what seems to be something really special to you. You should know by now that those of us who love you don’t care who you love. We just want you to be happy.” I pulled back and wiped my eyes, laughing through my tears as Robert handed me a tissue while brushing at the tearstains on his shirt. “So now what am I supposed to do?” I asked, finally able to breathe without hiccups. “I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to face Jordan again after the other night.” Robert gave me a measured look, then got up and walked back over to sit at his desk. “Well, as I see it, you have some choices here. You can try to talk to Jordan and see where she stands, and tell her how you feel, you can forget about her and always wonder what would have happened if you HAD decided to talk to her, or, you can spend the rest of your life cruising the bars trying to find someone who makes you feel the way Jordan does. What do you think?” I looked at him silently, then laughed as he cracked a smile. “Okay, you’ve made your point,” I said. “I guess I have some talking to do, don’t I?” Robert smiled and leaned back in his chair. “That’s what I THOUGHT you said,” he said smugly. “Now, get out of here and let me work. I’ve got a business to run.” I kissed Robert on the top of his head as I left, then stopped by my office to check my schedule for the day. It was a fairly light day, something I habitually did after a performance. It only took me a few minutes on the phone to reschedule the few lessons I had, then I said goodbye to Robert and headed for my apartment. I wanted the chance to sit and think so I could decide what I wanted to do. I knew there was no way I could confront Jordan unless I had things thought out. Once home, I put on some soft music and sat at my desk, trying to write my feelings down and get myself organized. After about an hour of fruitless writing and wadding up paper, I decided to go to Peter and Jeffrey’s shop and see if they’d seen or heard from Jordan. It had been a long time since I’d seen them, and I realized how much of my former life I’d let go since I started seeing Paul. When I walked into the shop, Jeffrey looked up at me and smiled his gorgeous smile, walking to me with his arms outstretched to embrace me. The feel of his soft denim shirt against my cheek and his strong hands on my back made me feel so incredibly safe and loved that I kicked myself for going so long without seeing either of them. “Kate! Darling! Where on earth have you been?” Peter exclaimed, walking toward us from the workroom in back. He grabbed both Jeffrey and me in his embrace and kissed my cheek, then they both pulled back and really looked at me. “Oh my god, what has happened to you? You’re so thin!” Peter said, his hands on my shoulders. “Katie, really, you need to take better care of yourself,” Jeffrey said, putting his arm around me and leading me to the back room. “You’re going to waste away to nothing!” I laughed. “Fat chance of that,” I said, sitting down on a stool near Peter’s workbench. Both men pulled up stools of their own and sat near me, looking at me with kind and loving eyes. “So!” Jeffrey said, picking up a smooth piece of wood and beginning to carve into it. It was one of his most endearing traits; his hands were never still, and I used to love watching as he’d take a block of wood and turn it into a minor work of art. “What’s been happening in the life of our favorite concert artist?” I rolled my eyes. “Oh, god, guys. I’ve got myself into a real mess this time,” I said. “I know Jordan came to talk to you about me a while back.” Peter became still, and even Jeffrey’s hands froze for an instant before going on with the carving. Neither of them spoke, and for some reason, I thought they seemed a little sheepish. “Yes, she did,” Peter said, looking at me. He didn’t volunteer any more information than that. “Peter, I need to know what you talked about. You know I wouldn’t normally ask you to tell me something like that, but this is very important. Will you tell me?” Peter and Jeffrey exchanged a glance, and I felt relief when Jeffrey put his carving down and leaned forward to talk to me. “Kate, Jordan came by to see us because she was afraid she was pushing you too hard. She knew she loved you, and felt certain that you loved her as well, but she didn’t want to push you into something you weren’t ready for.” I looked away, biting my lip as tears came to my eyes. Peter and Jeffrey sat silently, waiting for me to get hold of myself. The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 06 “And what did you tell her?” I asked after a moment. “What do you think? We told her to kick you in the ass and jump start you,” Peter said seriously. I gaped at him, then we all burst out laughing. “Well!” I said, wiping tears from my face. “What are friends for, after all?” “So, the next thing we hear is that you’re living with some guy named Paul, and Jordan is living with some woman named Toby….” “What?” I interrupted. “You know about Toby?” “Darling, we’ve MET Toby,” Jeffrey said. “Jordan has brought her here a few times when she’s come to pick up work she’d dropped off.” “Well, what do you think? Is Jordan in love with her?” There was silence, then Jeffrey said, “Jordan and Toby have a long history, but Jordan’s not in love with her…not like she’s in love with you.” My heart leapt when I heard this, and I stood up and began pacing. It occurred to me that, since all this had begun, a lot of people had been doing a lot of pacing around me lately. “What should I do?” I asked. “I can’t just waltz in and demand that Jordan leave Toby and start up with me…. much as I’d like to be able to do that, it’s just not right. The thought of Jordan living and sleeping with someone else is driving me crazy, though. I haven’t been able to sleep, and eating is pretty much out of the question.” “Well, knowing what I know about Toby and Jordan and their past, it may not be long before Jordan tosses her out again. You might just have to wait for that to happen, as hard as that seems to you,” Jeffrey said. “Hard? Damn, it’s impossible! I’ve got to find some way to let her know how I feel, that I’m sincere and ready to commit to her. How the hell do you expect me to wait and do that when this whole thing is eating a hole in me?” I asked, running my fingers through my hair. At that moment, the bell over the shop door rang, and Peter looked over my shoulder, half-standing to see who it was. “Looks like you may not have to wait,” he said grimly, his eyes meeting mine. I turned as if in slow motion and saw Jordan standing in the doorway, her face blank with shock at seeing me there. We stared at each other, and the electricity of her gaze meeting mine was almost visible. Peter and Jeffrey made nonsense noises as they rushed about nervously, and finally managed to somehow push Jordan into the workshop with me as they left us alone. We stood and said nothing, just looking at each other for a long moment. My mind was totally blank, and my heart was pounding so hard I was sure Jordan could hear it from where she stood. Of their own accord, my feet began to move until I was standing directly in front of her. She didn’t move, but stood there silently and faced me; the only sign of the tension inside her a slight raggedness to her breathing. “Jordan,” I breathed. I wanted to take her in my arms, but my hands were frozen at my sides. “Katie,” she said, her voice breaking, and she reached out with one hand to touch my cheek. Tears flowed down my cheeks at her touch, and just as I was about to speak, a voice from the showroom insinuated itself between us. “Jordan? Are you back there, hon?” the voice said. Jordan snatched her hand away from my cheek just as a woman walked through the doorway and stopped when she saw the two of us standing there. “Well,” she said, looking the two of us over with a pair of ice blue eyes. “I didn’t realize you had company, Jordan.” Jordan stepped back and walked over to her, taking her hand and drawing her over to where I was standing. “Toby, I’d like you to meet Kate. Kate, this is Toby,” she said, her eyes not meeting mine. As if in a dream, I held out my hand and waited for Toby to take it. For a moment I thought she wouldn’t, then she shook my hand roughly and let go almost immediately. “So, this is the famous Kate!” she said, her voice harsh and bristling with sarcasm. “Toby, come on,” Jordan began, trying to smooth things over. She pulled on Toby’s arm to get her away from me, but Toby stood firm and looked at me with those cold eyes. She jerked her arm out of Jordan’s grasp, and Jordan stood there, miserably avoiding my look. “I’ve seen your pictures, Kate,” she said, and I gasped in shock. I had no idea Jordan had printed them, much less showed them to someone else without my knowledge. Jordan, however, became instantly angry and pulled Toby around to face her. “You’ve WHAT?” she asked, almost spitting in Toby’s face. “You went into my darkroom and looked where you have no business looking?” Toby recoiled at Jordan’s anger, but I felt better knowing Jordan hadn’t betrayed my trust to her. “Well, what do you expect?” Toby asked defensively. “Do you think I don’t know how you moon over Kate? How do you think I feel, knowing that every time you see anything about the famous Kate Shaw in the paper you go off into another world? Do you think I don’t know you went to her concert the other night?” At this, both Jordan and I gasped. I remembered suddenly how unsettled I’d been during the performance, and wondered now if it was because I somehow knew Jordan had been there. Jordan, flushed with anger and embarrassment, looked accusingly at Toby. “You were SPYING on me?” she asked, her voice dangerously quiet. Toby flushed, but raised her chin in defiance and looked over at me angrily. “Jordan, can’t you see what a fool you’re being over this woman?” she asked, speaking to Jordan but still looking at me. “She has no idea what she wants, but you can’t seem to let her go. She made her choice, but you can’t seem to accept that. I’ve seen all your pictures of her, and I found the place where you keep all her clippings. So, yes, if you want to call it spying, I guess I have been. But honey,” she said, looking at Jordan and taking her face in her hands, “all I want is for you to be happy, and to see that Kate is wrong for you. Where has she been all this time? With you, making you happy? No, she’s been living with some guy and making you miserable, and if she really loved you, she never would have done all of that. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that I’M the one who truly loves you?” I started to protest, but Jordan held up her hand and looked at me, the pain and confusion in her eyes tearing me up inside. Hearing Toby say that Jordan had been keeping track of my career and still had my pictures filled me with joy, but mixed with that was the fear that Toby’s words would somehow convince Jordan that I really was wrong for her. I almost strangled on my need to speak, but Jordan’s upraised hand kept me silent. Toby started to speak again, but Jordan cut her off. She looked at Toby, then at me, and silently backed out of the room, almost running out when she got to the doorway. Peter and Jeffrey appeared, both with concern etched on their faces, as Toby strode over and stood in front of me. “Are you fucking happy now?” she snarled. “Damn you, Kate Shaw. Damn you for making Jordan love you and then leaving the rest of her for me to pick up when you broke her heart.” “What?” I asked incredulously, my anger boiling over. “Who the fuck do you think you are? YOU are the one who came between us in the first place, Toby. You KNEW how she felt about me, but you fucked with her head anyway and did everything you could to keep her from me. Do you honestly believe Jordan loves you the way she loves me?” Toby’s lip curled, and she drew back her fist as if to hit me, but Peter and Jeffrey were there instantly and pulled her away from me. She was almost screaming as they dragged her out of the shop, and I heard Jeffrey say firmly that she was not welcome in their shop any longer. I leaned on the counter, beginning to tremble as the implications of all that had happened started to hit me. Peter was back in an instant, offering me a glass of water and leading me to a stool so I could sit down. “Are you all right?” he asked, brushing my hair back from my face. I took a deep breath and then a long drink of water before I answered. “Well,” I said, my voice hoarse with unshed tears, “that certainly could have gone better.” “Darling, I am SO sorry about that,” Jeffrey said as he came rushing in. “I didn’t know Jordan was coming in today, and I certainly didn’t expect Toby to be here.” “It’s okay, Jeff. Really, maybe it’s better that things happened this way,” I said, putting down my water and scrubbing my face with my hands. “What the hell happened, anyway?” Peter asked. “We leave you alone for a few minutes and suddenly World War Three is starting. God, I thought Toby was going to haul off and clobber you!” I laughed wearily. “Well, it seems you were right about how Jordan feels about me,” I said, “and apparently, Toby knows it too. She’s been spying on Jordan and snooping around, and found out that Jordan still has those pictures she took of me, and that she keeps clips of all my performances.” “Whew,” Jeffrey whistled, “That’s probably been driving her crazy, knowing Jordan thinks about you all the time.” “So, what are you waiting for?” Peter asked. “Why don’t you go after Jordan and talk to her, let her know how you feel before Toby gets to her again?” I looked at him, startled. “My god, you’re right!” I said, as I started out the door. “I’ve got to find her!” The last thing I heard before the door closed was both men yelling “Good luck!” To be continued….. The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 07 To my patient readers: Thank you so much for all your feedback and letters of encouragement. I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter done, but I appreciate you hanging in there with me. * * * * * The alarm clock woke me up at five in the morning, and I groaned as I rolled over and hit the snooze button. Next to me, voice muffled by her pillow, the sleepy shape mumbled something as she turned over on her side, her back to me. I moved closer to her, the warmth of her naked body against my stomach as I slid my arms around her and pulled her close. She snuggled in to me, sighing sleepily as one of my hands moved up her flat stomach to her breast and began stroking it. She moaned, pressing her body more tightly into me as her nipple became erect, and I could feel wetness gathering between my legs as our breathing deepened. I kissed her shoulder and she turned over to face me, fitting her body into mine and burrowing her head down under my chin. I held her against me and kissed the top of her head, the clean scent of her hair floating around me. "You're supposed to get up now," she said, kissing the hollow of my throat. "I know, but I'd rather do this," I said softly, my eyes closed as I felt her lips on my skin. "You're going to be late," she murmured, her lips and tongue moving on me. My breathing sped up as she worked her way down to my chest, and I gasped as her warm mouth enclosed my breast and began sucking gently on my nipple. Her other hand was gently caressing my other breast, teasing the nipple erect. I put my hands on her head and pushed myself into her, moaning at the feel of her tongue swirling across my nipple. "Oh, god," I said, turning to lie flat. She looked up at me, smiling, then slid on top of me and kissed me slowly before sliding back down my body. She moved her mouth back and forth over my breasts, sucking and teasing until I could hardly breathe. My hands were in her hair as she lowered herself down my body, kissing me all the way down. I spread my legs wider as she moved in between them, feeling her warm breath on my wetness as she hovered there with her mouth poised over me. I reached for her head to pull her down on to me, but she pushed my hands away and slowly opened me, exposing my throbbing clit. She blew gently on me, and just as I was about to go crazy I felt the tip of her tongue begin gently probing me. I tried to move closer to her, but she pulled back and held me down firmly. "Don't move," she whispered. "If you move, I'll stop." I groaned, forcing myself to lie still, and soon felt her tongue on me again. She was spreading me open with one hand and her tongue moved in delicious circles on and around my clit. My hands were clenched in the sheets as I struggled to keep still, my moans becoming louder. She started to move her tongue faster, then slid two fingers inside me and began to slowly move them in and out. I arched my back helplessly as I felt her fill me up, the pressure of her tongue and her fingers sending shivers through my entire body. My hips began to move of their own accord and she matched their rhythm with her fingers and tongue until I exploded, feeling myself tightening around her fingers as I came in a sudden rush. My body relaxed and my breath came raggedly as I lay there, spent, trying to open my eyes. She gently slid her fingers out of me and moved up to hold me as my breathing began to slow down. "Oh my GOD," I gasped through a dry mouth. "That's a hell of a way to be awakened in the morning!" She smiled her feline smile, which I knew meant she was extremely pleased with herself. She was practically purring as she stretched languidly next to me and draped her leg across me. "So, shall I return the favor?" I asked, kissing her forehead and touching her breast. "Mmmm," she said, smiling lazily and pushing me away. "Just what I would love, except that you need to get up and get moving. You're REALLY going to be late now, my love." I sighed deeply, then made a massive effort to sit up and get out of bed. I stood up and looked down at Kelly, her naked body perfect in the early morning light. She had an impish look in her eyes, and as I left to get in the shower, she called after me, "I'll be glad to take you up on your offer tonight, though!" When I was ready to leave, she was sleeping soundly, curled up on her side like a kitten, with her hand tucked under her chin. I felt such an overwhelming love for her that it nearly buckled my knees, and I whispered, "I love you" in her ear as I gently kissed her goodbye. As I left to go to my rehearsal, I couldn't help reflecting on how my life had changed over the past couple of years. The day I had tried to find Jordan after the confrontation with Toby, she disappeared. For a while, Toby would call me, drunk, insisting that I tell her where Jordan was, but not even Peter and Jeffrey knew where she'd gone. Even the galleries where she would normally have photos hanging didn't know anything about her disappearance, and she either had her cell phone off or not with her. It was absolute torture for me. I couldn't eat or sleep, and I stopped doing concert appearances because I was afraid I would miss a call from her. I guess I went temporarily insane, and it was just my luck that I had people around me to take care of things while I pined away. Robert held down the fort at the music store, and my students were very understanding about my taking time off. I had Peter and Jeffrey stay with me for a few nights, after Toby showed up at my place drunk and ready to come in to search for Jordan, and they called or came by to see me often, clucking over me like a pair of mother hens. Slowly, though, I began to heal and thoughts of Jordan came less and less often. I still had moments when I missed her and wondered where she was, but they caused me less pain as time passed. I was able to see friends, go out to eat, and generally begin living my life again. About a year after Jordan disappeared, I met Kelly through some mutual friends at a dinner party and it was as though a light in my brain turned on. We went out for coffee after the party and stayed up all night talking that first night, and I knew by how my heart felt when she called me the next day that I was ready to move on. We'd been together nearly a year, and everything was as exciting and fun as it had been when we first met. Kelly was a veterinarian and shared a practice with two other vets, and although her career kept her as busy as mine did, we always seemed to find time to spend together. I arrived at the recital hall and walked in just as it started to rain. As I sat at the piano and listened to the conductor give some instructions to the orchestra, I thought of Kelly lying naked in bed, rain falling softly outside as she slept. I wanted this rehearsal to be over quickly, because all I wanted to do at the moment was curl up around Kelly and hold her in my arms. Unfortunately, this particular conductor was notorious for milking every second out of a rehearsal, so I knew I was in for a long morning. When rehearsal was over, I called to see if Kelly was still home, but the machine picked up so I figured she'd already left for her clinic. Shrugging into my raincoat, I stopped to talk to some of the orchestra members who were waiting by the stage door, hoping for the rain to let up soon. They invited me out for coffee, and I accepted eagerly, wanting to get to know these musicians better. They seemed delighted when I accepted, and as soon as the rain let up a bit we walked quickly down the sidewalk to a nearby coffee shop. It was called, to my delight, Celestial Beans, and although I'd not been there before, I knew it was a popular place among the musicians who had their studios and apartments nearby. After we'd all shed our raincoats and ordered our drinks, we settled in at a large table and began immediately complaining about the conductor. It was amusing to me, the guest soloist, to hear how the "regulars" felt about their leader, and I found myself laughing until my sides were aching at some of their stories. Conversation began winding down as the rain slowed, then Jacob, a young and talented cellist, said, "Hey, has anyone seen the latest show at the Washington Street Gallery?" It seemed several of them had, and they fell into a discussion about the work on display. They all seemed to think it was brilliant, and just as I stood to excuse myself and get ready to leave, one of the women who had not seen the show asked who the artist was. "A photographer named Jordan Stuart," Jacob said, oblivious to the way my face paled and I sat back down abruptly. "Apparently she's been overseas for a while, but now she's back." "Over two years," I whispered hoarsely as I sat there, staring. I could feel my heart pounding and it seemed I could hear the blood rushing through my ears. As if from a distance, I could hear Jacob continue, saying, "I guess there was some big mystery when she left, disappearing without a word to anyone, and the gallery is really playing that up. You know, 'Long lost brilliant artist returns home', stuff like that. I don't know about the big mystery, but I do know that the work she has displayed is like nothing I've ever seen before. If you haven't seen it, you really should go check it out." There was a murmur of assent among those who had seen the show, then everyone began glancing at their watches and stood up to leave. I sat there, numb, and managed to thank them for inviting me out as they all left. None of them seemed to notice anything strange about me, for which I was grateful. The last thing I wanted to do was answer questions about why I'd suddenly gotten so quiet. After they left I sat there for a long while, my head spinning. I was shocked at the effect hearing Jordan's name was having on me, because I thought this time I'd really managed to put all that behind me. It had been so long since I'd thought of her, yet hearing she was back in town without me knowing about it made my heart ache. I wondered how long she'd been back, and then found myself wondering why she hadn't tried to contact me. At that thought, I shook my head in exasperation and stood to leave. It was best if we didn't have contact with each other, at least for the time being. Kelly and I had a wonderful, steady relationship, and I certainly didn't need any complications from Jordan to mess that up. On my way home, I tried to call Kelly at the clinic, but Lisa, the receptionist, told me she had just gone into surgery and would probably be in for a while. When I asked if it was a complicated case, Lisa lowered her voice sympathetically and told me that the patient was a beautiful Golden Retriever puppy. Its owner was a young boy who had come in with his parents, carrying the dog wrapped in a blanket. Apparently, the dog had been clipped by a car in front of the boy, who, according to Lisa, was still sitting in the waiting room, trying not to cry but scared to death that he was going to lose his dog. Lisa assured me she would have Kelly call as soon as she was out of surgery, and I sighed as I hung up and continued home. I knew this would be a rough one for Kelly, and that she would do whatever she could to save the puppy's life. I decided to do something special for her for dinner, so I drove on past our apartment building and headed for our favorite market to get things for dinner. Once home, I did some minor cleaning, mainly tidying things up and putting things back in their places. Both Kelly and I are fairly neat people, but there are times when our schedules get so busy that we sort of leave things lying around. I picked up some music that I'd left lying on the floor around the piano, and carefully stacked up the medical textbooks and veterinary magazines that were scattered around Kelly's reading chair, trying not to lose her place in any of them. By the time she got home, looking exhausted but triumphant, I had candles lit and soft music playing, and the smell of lasagna wafted through the house. The look on her face when she came through the door was all the reward I needed, and after she dropped her coat and briefcase off by the door, she walked over to me and straight into my arms. I held her for a long moment, stroking her hair and back as she leaned on me. "So, the brilliant doctor saved the patient?" I asked, kissing her above her ear. "Well, it was touch and go for a while, but I think he'll be okay," she said into my neck. "He was stable when I left, and Jack knows to call me immediately if there's any change tonight." Jack was the attendant who worked at night, supervising all of the surgical patients as they recovered. "How was the little boy?" "Oh! Well, it practically took a crowbar to pry him off of me when I came out and told him his puppy was still alive. I had to sit him down and speak to him pretty seriously about the injuries and how long it would take to recover, but I think he understood that things are still fairly grave by the time we got done talking." "Well, my love, come over here and sit down so I can feed you. You look dead on your feet," I said as I led her over to the table. "Oh, Kate, this is wonderful. God, everything smells so good!" she said as she took her seat. I stood behind her and gently rubbed her shoulders for a moment, until she sighed happily and leaned back against me as the tension drained from her body. "You are so good to my, my Katie." I smiled and kissed the top of her head, then went to the kitchen to bring the food in so we could eat. Kelly ate ravenously, telling me she hadn't even had time for lunch, and we chatted about other things for a while until we were both done eating. "Honey, you go on and take a shower while I clean up," I said, standing and taking her plate. "Normally I would argue with you and demand that you let me clean up, but I think you're right. I'm exhausted!" she said as she stretched and yawned deeply. "Go on, then, baby," I said, rinsing off plates and loading the dishwasher. She came up behind me and hugged me, then kissed the back of my neck before she left to take her shower. I finished cleaning things up, then walked into the bathroom and stripped. I stood looking at her, naked under the water, then opened the shower door and stepped in with her. She turned to face me, putting her arms around my neck and molding her body into mine. After all this time, it still amazed me how well we fit together. I wrapped my arms around her, feeling the muscles in her back tense as she moved in closer. We kissed, our tongues moving together as the kiss became more intense and urgent. I could feel her breasts pressed against mine, and I slid one hand in between us so I could touch her nipple, which was erect. She moaned into my mouth as I rubbed her nipple between my fingers, then I pulled away and gently turned her around. I held her against me with one arm around her chest and one flat on her stomach. I held her breast in my right hand and stroked softly while I slid my left hand down her stomach and between her legs. She sighed and leaned back against me, spreading her legs wider as my hand moved down to find her clit. She gasped and moved her hands back to my hips, pulling me closer. We shifted together, and she opened her legs wider as I began to slowly move my fingers back and forth on her. I kissed the side of her neck and bit her shoulder gently as I felt her silky wetness, and she moaned loudly as her hips began to move back and forth. I was holding her open with two fingers while I made circles around her clit with my middle finger, then I dipped my finger inside her and began to move in and out. She gasped, then put one hand on top of mine and pushed me deeper inside her. This time I moaned at the feel of her around my fingers, and I could feel the muscles inside her tighten and loosen as she moved her hips back and forth. She slid her other hand down behind her and between my legs, sighing as she felt how wet I was. The warm water was falling on us like a gentle rain, surrounding us as we touched each other and moved with each other. I couldn't take it any longer, so I turned her around and sat her down on one of the benches along the side of the shower. Kneeling in front of her, I pulled her hips forward, spread her legs, parted her with my hands, and buried my head between her legs. She put her hands on my head and leaned back, then put her legs over my shoulders and opened up wider. My tongue covered her clit as I licked her from the base to the top, and I could feel her legs tighten around me. I slid two fingers inside her and moved them in and out as I licked her clit, holding her open with my other hand. She was moaning louder now, the sound of her voice echoing against the walls of the shower. I sucked her clit up between my teeth, taking the whole of her into my mouth and sucking hard, then teased her clit by moving my tongue rapidly back and forth over her. Her hips were moving against me as she strained to pull me in deeper, and her legs tightened on my shoulders as she began to come. She tightened around my fingers and her hands clutched in my hair as she came in waves, and I sat and moved gently inside her until she covered my hand with hers and made me stop. She leaned back against the shower wall, eyes closed, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. I moved up to sit next to her, taking her in my arms and holding her gently as she relaxed. "Ohhhhh, Katie," she said, leaning her head on my shoulder. "I can't even open my eyes, honey!" "Good," I said softly, running my hands along her arms and kissing the side of her head. "I want you to be relaxed so you can sleep tonight." She chuckled. "I may have to sleep in here, since I don't have the energy to move." "Here, let me help with that," I said. I stood up and pulled her with me, both of us laughing as she leaned on me for a moment, then I turned the water off and we both stepped into the steamy bathroom. I got a towel from the shelf and began drying her off, gently massaging her skin as she stood there and let me take care of her. After we were both dry, we crawled naked into bed and snuggled close together, my arms around her and her head on my shoulder. "Are you tired, too?" she murmured softly, already half asleep as my hand moved softly along her arm and shoulder. "Yes, love," I said. That was the last thing I remember, then sleep overtook me. "Kate? Honey, are you all right?" Kelly asked, shaking me awake. I sat up with a gasp, blinking at the light from the lamp Kelly had turned on. I looked at the clock and saw that it was three in the morning, and I was disoriented for a moment, not sure where I was. I looked at Kelly and finally was able to focus a little. "What? What happened?" I asked groggily. "You were dreaming, baby," she said, stroking my hair away from my face. "You must have been having a nightmare. You kept moaning and saying something, but I couldn't make out what it was." I shook my head, trying to remember, and it all came back to me in a rush. "What is it, honey?" Kelly asked, concern in her eyes at the look on my face. "What was the dream about?" "Kel," I said, then stopped. "What, Katie? What on earth is wrong?" she asked, sitting up. "Kelly, I should have told you this earlier, but it totally slipped my mind once you got home." "What?" she asked again, drawing her knees up to her chest. "Honey, I heard today that Jordan is back in town." Kelly was silent for a moment, but before I could say anything else she reached out and took my hands in hers, holding them tightly. "Oh, Katie, my god. When did you hear this?" "When I was having coffee with some of the orchestra members after rehearsal," I said, looking down at our hands. "A few of them have seen a show she's got going at Washington Street." The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 07 "What a shocker for you, baby. What did you think when you heard?" "I was too stunned to think much of anything, really," I said. "I guess I couldn't really believe it, after all this time." "Did you go to the gallery?" she asked softly. "Honey, no! Of course not!" I exclaimed, pulling my hands from hers. "Jordan is part of my past, and I have no interest in seeing her again. It was just a shock, that's all. I thought I'd put all that behind me." Kelly was silent for a long moment, then she put her hand under my chin and made me look at her. "You know you have to go and see her, don't you?" she asked quietly. I flinched away. "No, I don't. I never want to see her again in my life, Kelly." "Honey, listen to me," she said, holding me firmly when I tried to get up and pace around the room. "You never had closure with Jordan, and I think your reaction to this news is telling you something. It was fine for you to think you were over this while she was gone, but now that she's back you need to put an end to things. One way or another, you've got to have peace with this." "What do you mean, one way or another? Kelly, YOU are my life now. YOU are the one I love, and Jordan can just go to hell!" Kelly just sat there and looked at me, then patted the bed beside her. "Honey, we're both tired, and this is accomplishing nothing. Let's go to sleep, and we can talk about this later." I knew she was right, and as I laid down next to her and let her take me in her arms, I was afraid I could never tell her that the reason my dream was such a shock to me was that in it, I was making love to Jordan. To be continued... The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 08 When I woke up in the morning I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. I had not slept well after waking up from my dream of Jordan even though Kelly had held me and rubbed my back until, ironically, SHE fell asleep. I had wanted to get up and go into another room so I wouldn’t disturb her, but I knew she’d wake up if I moved, so it was a long night. Kelly was already up, and I could smell the delicious aroma of the breakfast she was making, so I put on my robe and went to sit groggily at the table. She put a cup of coffee in front of me and kissed the top of my head. “Well, sleeping beauty – it’s about time you woke up,” she said, her back to me as she worked at the stove. I mumbled something into my coffee cup as I took a sip, and she laughed. The coffee had a hint of vanilla in it, something she knew was my favorite, and I could feel myself beginning to wake up a little bit. Kelly put a plate with pancakes and sausage in front of me, then sat down across from me with her own plate. She took a look at me and widened her eyes in surprise. “Honey, are you all right?” she asked, concerned. “You look terrible!” “Gee, thanks,” I said wryly, reaching for a piece of toast. “You know what I mean,” she said. “You didn’t sleep, did you?” I sat back, the bite of toast I’d just eaten tasting like sawdust in my mouth. “No, honey, I really didn’t.” She looked at me for a long moment, not saying anything. I looked back at her until I began to feel uncomfortable under her scrutiny. “What?” I asked, looking away. She sat back. “Well, I don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out what’s bothering you,” she said. “It’s Jordan, isn’t it?” I sighed, putting my head in my hands wearily. “Yes,” I said. There was a bit of silence, then Kelly said, “I think you should go see her.” I looked up, astonished. “What?” I said incredulously. “Have you lost your mind?” “Well, if you don’t, this will never be over for you, honey,” she said as she calmly began eating again. I sat and stared at her as though she’d just started speaking in tongues. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” I said finally. “Why not? You’d just be going to find out what the hell happened and see where she’s been all this time, right? So what’s the big deal?” “’What’s the big deal,’” I echoed, shaking my head. “Well, yeah,” Kelly said, sitting back and wiping her mouth with her napkin. “I mean, trite as it sounds, I really do think you need some sort of closure to this thing with her. If you don’t get it, you will never be at peace with all of this, baby.” I stood up and looked down at her, irritated that she seemed to be taking this so lightly. “Well, that’s easy for you to say, Kelly. I don’t think you realize what I’ve gone through because of Jordan, so I’d appreciate it if you would keep your amateur psychoanalysis to yourself.” I turned and walked out, aware that I had probably just hurt her deeply but too unnerved to turn around and apologize. I walked into my studio and sat at the piano, not really seeing the keys at all, but just sitting because it felt like a safe place to be. I jumped when I felt Kelly’s hand on my shoulders. She pressed up against me and hugged me around the neck from behind. I resisted and sat stiffly at first, then loosened up and reached for her hands. She began to kiss the side of my neck, raising goosebumps on my skin. “Honey, I’m sorry,” she said between kisses. “I was not trying to analyze you or tell you what to do. It was just a suggestion, and if you think I’m wrong, then that’s the end of it. I just wanted you to know I won’t be upset if you go see her.” “Mmmm…” I said, as she continued to kiss me. “I’m sorry, too, baby. I guess I’m just a little sensitive about this.” “Sensitive? You mean, like here?” she asked as she slipped her hands down inside my robe. My nipples were immediately erect at her touch, and I moaned as she slid the robe off my shoulders and ran her warm hands over my bare skin. I leaned back against her as she caressed my breasts and kept kissing my neck. My hands were covering hers as she moved them over me, then she gently slid her hands down my stomach and in between my legs. She nudged my legs apart and, with her thumbs, moved up and down the outside of my pussy. I was breathing harder, leaning my head back so she could kiss my mouth, and on her lips I could faintly taste the vanilla of the coffee we’d had. I put my arms around her neck as she stroked between my legs, and as our kiss deepened she began making the little noises in her throat that always drove me crazy. After a long moment, we pulled apart, both gasping slightly, then she took my hands and pulled me up so I was standing in front of her. She slid my robe down off of me, taking hers off and then pressing her naked body against mine. We held each other, kissing, hands in each other’s hair, until I could take it no longer. “Honey, my god, I’m throbbing,” I said as I pulled back slightly. She grinned and led me to our bedroom, turning to kiss me, then lying down on the bed. “Come here,” she said in a husky voice, and I started to lie down on top of her. She stopped me, pulling me up toward her head. “I want you here, above me,” she said. “Oh my god,” I breathed as my stomach flipped over at her words. I swung my leg over until I was straddling her face, looking down at her, and I could feel her tongue start to move on me. I reached out to grasp the railing of the headboard as my hips began to move back and forth. Kelly reached with her hands and opened me wider, then I felt her tongue moving strongly on my clit. I threw my head back as she licked me, moving back and forth over her tongue, pressing myself harder into her. She started to moan, too, and I looked behind me to see her touching herself with one hand while holding me open with the other. The sight of her finger sliding around, in and out of her own wetness made my clit throb even harder, and I began to move faster against her tongue. I took one hand off the railing and reached back to touch her, and the feel of how wet she was made me even hotter. She put her hand over mine as I slid my fingers up and down her clit, then moaned as I slid two fingers inside her. Her tongue began moving faster on my clit as I moved faster on hers, and I could feel the tension in both of us as we neared orgasm. I started to pull out of her as I began to come, but she held my hand down and bucked her hips into me. I could feel her contract around my fingers as she came, then my orgasm hit at the same time and I nearly screamed with pleasure. “Ohhhh,” I moaned, lifting myself off of her and sliding weakly down beside her. She rolled over and kissed me, and I could taste myself on her lips and tongue. “Now,” she said, lazily entwining her legs with mine and running her hands up and down my back, “do you feel better?” “I can’t move,” I said, still catching my breath. Kelly laughed and sat up, then bent down to kiss my nose before she got up out of bed. “I have to shower and get ready to go to the clinic,” she said over her shoulder as she walked to the bathroom. I was unable to summon enough strength even to wave at her, so I just lay there, spent, still trying to catch my breath, and eventually fell asleep to the sound of running water. When I woke up, there was a note for me next to the bed. “Gone to check on my surgery patients,” it read. “Be back in a few hours.” I sat up and shivered in the cold room, then decided to take a hot shower and try to wash some of the cobwebs out of my brain. I stood there and let the hot water stream over me as I finally began to wake up. After I dried off and dressed in my favorite sweat pants and flannel shirt, I wandered in to the piano studio and tried to practice, but I felt too restless to sit still. I roamed aimlessly around the apartment for a while, then realized it was no use pretending. Kelly was right – I needed to talk to Jordan and put an end to things once and for all. I left Kelly a short note to tell her I’d gone to find Jordan, then replaced my sweat pants with a pair of faded jeans and left the apartment. I decided first to go to Washington Street and take a look at her exhibit, thinking there was a chance I might find her there. The thought of driving to her apartment to see if she still lived there made my stomach hurt. I would much rather see her in public than in private, I thought. When I got to the gallery, I looked around apprehensively, and the way my heart was pounding made me wonder if this really was such a good idea. There was no sign of Jordan, but the sight of the photos on display nearly took my breath away. It seemed she had been overseas during her time away, and had spent most of her time documenting the AIDS outbreak in Africa. The photos were haunting, shoving the reality of the deadly and heartbreaking virus right into the viewer’s face. There were photos of deathly thin men and women, their fear and hopelessness staring out from each frame, but the most wrenching photos were of the children. I felt tears forming as I looked at one photo after another of babies and young children staring into the camera with flat, lifeless eyes, and it was all I could do not to turn away. Jacob had been right – these were definitely the most incredible photos I had ever seen. “Can I help you with something?” said a bright, cheerful voice behind me, making me jump. I turned around to see a young woman with bright eyes framed by large, owlish glasses standing at my shoulder. “No, I’m fine, Rachel,” I said, reading her nametag. “I heard about this exhibit from a friend and wanted to see it for myself,” I said. “Yes, isn’t it amazing?” she replied, looking past me to the photo of a child lying weakly on a stretcher. “More than amazing. It’s incredible,” I said. She focused on me again. “Were you interested in buying one of the photos?” she asked. “I can get you a price list, if you like.” “Well, actually, I was wondering if maybe the photographer would be here right now,” I said casually. “I’m an old friend of hers, and we sort of fell out of touch.” “No, she doesn’t come in much, now that all the photos are hung and the show is open. She was around here every day before it opened to make sure things were hung just right. She did come in yesterday to hang a couple of last minute things, but I don’t expect to see her for a while now that everything is finished.” “Do you have a number where she can be reached, or happen to know where I could find her?” I asked. I was still trying to sound casual, but the tightness of my voice must have given me away, because the friendliness slowly drained out of Rachel’s eyes and was replaced by a slight wariness. “Well, I’m not really allowed to give out that kind of information. Artists like Jordan really do like their privacy, you know,” Rachel said, somewhat officiously. I stifled a laugh and gave her my card instead. “Well, maybe you could call her when you get the chance and tell her I’m looking for her. That’s not too much to ask, is it?” She looked down at the card, then gasped and looked back at me. “Kate Shaw?” she asked, her mouth open slightly. “Kate Shaw the musician?” Amused, I nodded, and she immediately began to blush and apologize. “Oh, wow, I am so sorry, Ms. Shaw! I didn’t recognize you in your jeans and all... and...well...” she stammered. “It’s Kate,” I said, laughing, “and don’t worry. I admire you protecting the privacy of your artists.” “Well, I mean...it’s just that...,” she kept stammering and blushing, so I tried to put her at ease. “Really, don’t worry. It’s not like I go around expecting the royal treatment or anything.” She looked at me, confused, then her eyes widened and she said “My god! You don’t know, do you?” “Know what?” I asked. “Well, remember I said that Jordan was just in here yesterday to hang a couple of last minute additions to the show?” she asked, taking my hand and tugging me along behind her. “Yes,” I said. “Look,” she said, stopping and pointing. I could feel the breath go out of me in a whoosh as I looked where Rachel was pointing. There, in front of me, two 11x14 black and white photos were hanging. One of them was the one Jordan had taken of me sitting at the piano in my music store, just before I’d made love to her there. The other one, the one that really left me speechless, was the one she had taken of me leaning on the log, my shirt half unbuttoned and a look of pure, intense longing on my face. She had titled it “Kate’s Desire”, and I don’t think there was any doubt as to what the object of my desire was. I left the gallery armed with Jordan’s phone number and her new address, having dazedly signed an autograph for Rachel in exchange for the information. When I got in my car and began to drive to Jordan’s loft, I found myself becoming more and more angry with her. I could not believe she had made those photos of me part of her show, and all I could think was that I was grateful none of the musicians in the orchestra had seen them yet. I could only imagine what the reaction was going to be once they were discovered, and I was determined to confront Jordan and make her take them down. I arrived at the loft and sat in the car for a minute gathering my thoughts. Finally, I took a deep breath, tried to control the shaking of my hands, and went up the stairs to ring the bell. There was a long silence, and I thought maybe she wasn’t home, then I heard her voice call out “Just a minute!” and heard footsteps coming toward the door. When she opened the door, we both stood there in shock. She was so much thinner than I remembered, and her hair was shorter and streaked light from the sun. She had a deep tan, and it seemed as though her eyes, if possible, were a deeper green than I remembered. I felt that old familiar jolt of electricity go through me when her eyes met mine, and it was all I could do to keep my knees from buckling. “Oh my god, Kate!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around me. I stood stiffly, not returning her embrace although I felt another jolt when her body touched mine. She let go of me as soon as she felt my resistance, then stepped back to look at me. “You’re pissed,” she said, folding her arms over her chest. “You’d better come inside.” I walked past her into her loft, and the familiar scent of cinnamon and vanilla washed over me. The loft was a bright, airy place, with skylights and huge windows, and in one corner there was a doorway with a red light bulb overhead that I assumed led to her darkroom. She closed the door behind us and followed me in, gesturing me toward a comfortable looking couch. I sat down, and she sat across from me in a papsan chair and crossed her legs under her. “So...” she said, smiling. "Jordan, I saw the show. I saw the photos of me,” I interrupted tightly. “Yeah, I figured you probably did,” she said, sighing. “What the fuck were you thinking, Jordan?” I exploded, standing up and pacing around the room. “You disappear for two years and I don’t even know whether you’re alive or dead, then you show up unannounced and put photos of me – that I haven’t even SEEN – on public display? Without even asking my permission?” She sat and listened to me calmly, watching me as I walked frantically around the room. I raved on a bit more about things, then stopped in front of her and looked down at her. “Well?” I demanded. “I have a question for you.” “What?” I asked angrily. “What are you more upset about – your photos hanging in some damn gallery, or the fact that I left and came back without telling you?” I just stood there looking at her, speechless and unable to think of how to answer. She stood up and moved in close to me, leaning her head in until our foreheads were touching, then she slid her hands up and wrapped her arms around me, pulling our bodies close together. My arms went around her of their own accord, and I could feel the outline of her ribs and spine under the thinness of her t-shirt. She pulled me close to her and began to whisper in my ear. “Kate, I had to go away,” she said softly, her tongue lightly flicking my ear and the side of my jaw. “You and Toby between you were driving me crazy, and I had to leave. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, my Katie. I never loved Toby the way I loved you.” Our bodies began to sway together, hearts pounding against each other. My eyes were closed and I could feel my body relaxing into hers even though a part of me was screaming in my head that this was wrong, that I shouldn’t be doing this. Being in Jordan’s arms after so long felt wonderful, but I felt surreal somehow, like I was looking at myself from outside my body. She was still whispering in my ear, and the feel of her lips against my skin was creating that funny feeling in my stomach. Her hands slid down my back to the waistband of my jeans, and I felt her slip inside my underwear and touch the skin of my lower back. I gasped and tried to move, but she held me firmly and stroked my skin until I was still again. She moved one of her legs in between mine and gently nudged them apart, then slid her hands around to the front of my jeans and unbuttoned them. “No,” I said, my voice cracking, but I could not seem to tear myself away from her. “Shhh,” she said into my ear, then slid the zipper of my jeans down and spread them open. She slid her hand down inside the front of my underwear, one arm around my back as she pushed me into her and her hand probed between my legs. She found my wet slit and slid her fingers down onto me, and I moaned as she moved up and down. “Yes, Katie...yes...just let it go baby...” she whispered as my hips moved and my hands slid up inside her shirt. My head was against her shoulder, and I could feel the muscles working there as she kept moving her hand on me. I watched her hand as if mesmerized. Again, I felt as though I was outside my body watching all of this happen. I could feel sensations begin to build inside, and as though Jordan could sense it, too, she started moving her hand faster, touching me more roughly. The orgasm hit with such force that I cried aloud and threw my head back, feeling Jordan’s strong arms support me. My arms were around her shoulders, and as she held me up while I caught my breath, it came to me in a rush what had just happened. I stiffened and pulled against her. She tried to hold me, but I pushed hard until she was forced to let me go. I stumbled back and stared at her as I fastened my jeans, shaken and appalled by what we had just done. “Katie, I...” she began. I held up my hand to stop her. I could not imagine what she was about to say, and I knew I didn’t want to stay around to hear it. I grabbed my keys and fled the loft, aware of her calling out to me but not stopping. I got in my car and drove away quickly, but I began shaking so badly after a few minutes that I had to pull over. As I sat there waiting for the shaking to stop, my phone rang. I jumped, having forgotten I had it with me, and my heart sank when I saw that it was Kelly calling from home. “Hi,” I answered, trying to make my voice sound as normal as possible. “Hey there, honey. I just got home and found your note. Is everything all right?” As if from a distance, I heard myself say, “Yes, everything is fine.” “Did you find Jordan?” she asked, completely unaware that my heart was shattering into a million pieces. “Yes, I found her,” I said dully. “Well? Did you get to see her or speak to her?” she asked. “Yes,” I said. “What’s wrong? You sound strange, baby.” The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 08 I pulled myself together. “It’s just been a weird day. I’ll tell you all about it when I get home. I’m heading there now.” “Okay, baby. I’ll have dinner ready when you get here. Anything special you want?” “No, whatever you want is fine with me,” I said, the thought of trying to eat making my stomach churn. “Okay, then I’ll see you in a few minutes. Oh, and honey?” she said. “Yeah?” Her voice dropped. “I missed you today. I couldn’t get you off of my mind. Hurry home.” To be continued... The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 09 To my faithful, patient readers: Thanks again for all your positive feedback and words of support while I've been working on this chapter. I hope you all find it worth waiting for! * * * * * When I got home, Kelly was in the kitchen, humming to herself like she always does. She didn't hear me come in, so I stood in the front hallway and listened to her for a moment, knowing that after I told her what had just happened, it might be a long time before I heard that wonderful sound again. Sighing, I walked into the kitchen and she turned her head for a quick kiss when I said hello to her. Her hands were in the sink, washing dishes, and she had her back to me when I sat at the table. I could smell the aroma of a chicken casserole in the oven, but my mouth was dry and my stomach clenched at the thought of trying to eat. "Just give me a minute, honey. I wanted to get a head start on the cleaning before we eat," Kelly said, her back still toward me. "No problem. I'm too tired to move right now anyway," I said dully. She turned to look at me, hands still in the sink. "Uh-oh," she said, taking a dishtowel and drying her hands on it. "What's wrong, honey?" I couldn't seem to move my eyes from the place mat in front of me. I could feel her gaze on me, but it felt like my head weighed a hundred pounds. She dried her hands and sat down next to me, but I still couldn't look at her. "What?" she asked softly. "I..." I began, then my throat knotted up and I had to swallow before I could say anything else. "Kate, what? What is it?" she asked. Her voice was calm, but I could sense a tension in her body in spite of the softness of her voice. I just sat there, my mind whirling, unable to think of one thing to say. My hands were clenching and unclenching, and she finally gripped them in hers to keep me still. Her hands were warm from the dishwater and smelled lemony. Strange how my mind recorded details like that at such a time. "Kelly, I need to tell you something. It's...well...honey, it's not good," I managed. "Ok. So tell me," she said, her hands still gripping mine. I sat there trying to think of what to say, but my throat locked up again and all I could do was sit there and stare at our linked hands. "Kate, look at me," Kelly finally said. I tried, but I could not make my eyes meet hers. "LOOK at me," she insisted, and I forced my eyes up to meet hers. I don't know what she saw in my eyes, but hers became the color of slate as we looked at each other in silence. "Did you sleep with her?" she asked softly, her voice catching slightly. "Kelly, no! No, I didn't sleep with her," I said, squeezing her hands tightly. "Well, what, then?" she asked. "Please, Katie, you're killing me here. Tell me what happened." I forced myself to keep looking into her eyes and I held her hands tighter as I said, "I didn't sleep with her, but something did happen." I could tell what an effort it was, but Kelly held herself still and asked "What?" "Honey...I...when I went over there, I was so angry at her I could hardly see straight. I went to confront her about some photos of me she has in her show at the gallery..." "What?!" Kelly exclaimed. "I'll tell you about that later. Anyway, when I got to her place and she let me in, it was so strange. I was pacing back and forth, yelling at her, and she just sat there and watched me. She never said a fucking word." "Okay. So then what?" "Well, after I stopped, she asked me if I was really mad about the photos, or because she had disappeared without letting me know where she went..." "And?" "I didn't know what to say, so I just stood there. She came over to me and...and she..." "She what, Kate?" Kelly asked, her voice ragged and breaking slightly. "Kelly, god, I didn't mean for it to happen! She started kissing me, and touching me, and I couldn't move!" I heard the sharp intake of her breath as Kelly gasped and pulled her hands from mine. She looked at me, her face drained of color, and I fully expected her to explode, but all she said was, "Just tell me what happened. Please." I took a deep breath and told her everything, including when Jordan said she'd never loved Toby like she loved me. Through it all she sat quietly, hands held together, her eyes never leaving my face as she strained to understand. I longed to reach out for her, but I knew it was better to leave her alone and finish talking. When I was through, she just sat there quietly, staring at her hands. I remained silent, giving her time to organize her thoughts. My heart was pounding as I sat and waited through the unbearable silence. At length, just as I was about to open my mouth and say something, she took a deep breath and said, "Did you...did she...did she make you...?" She stopped, unable to finish the sentence. I sat, stunned. I hadn't told her how things ended, only that I'd left Jordan's loft and had come straight home. A part of me had shied away from that final detail, hoping to lessen the impact of what had happened, but I knew now I couldn't keep it from her. "Kelly, I..." "DID you?" she asked again, her eyes locked on mine. I looked away. "Yes," I whispered softly. A soft moan escaped from between her clenched teeth, and I looked up to see a single tear work its way down her cheek to the corner of her mouth. I wanted with all my soul to reach up and brush it away, but I kept still and waited for her to speak. She got up and walked over to the sink, bracing herself on it and standing with her back to me. "Do you love her?" she asked softly. I opened my mouth to speak, but once again my words dried up in my throat. At my silence, she turned to look at me, a sad smile on her face. "You don't know, do you?" "I can tell you I love you, Kelly. I know that much." "But it's not enough, is it?" she asked, the sad smile still on her face. I could see tears shining in her eyes, but she stubbornly refused to let them fall. I stood up and walked over to her, unable to be apart from her any longer. She watched me coming toward her, arms crossed in front of her chest as if hugging her heart. I stopped in front of her and stood close, leaning forward until our bodies were touching. Her arms were still crossed, but I put my hands around her shoulders and pulled her into me. "Kelly," I whispered in her ear, "I love you. Please, please tell me what to do to make this better." She resisted my embrace for a long moment, but I held her until she uncrossed her arms and put them loosely around my waist. When I felt her do that, I closed my eyes in relief and pulled her in tighter. She sighed heavily and let me hold her for a moment, then began to gently pull away. I let go of her reluctantly and stepped back a little. She still looked pale and drained, but her face was more composed and she was able to look at me without wincing. I wanted to say something, but the look on her face stopped me. My mind was spinning, whirling around as I realized I had no idea what would happen next. Kelly stood there with her arms crossed again, then pushed past me and walked out of the kitchen into the living room without saying a word. After a moment I followed her and sat down across from her on the couch. She was sitting in a chair, leaning forward, her elbows on her knees with her hands clasped under her chin. She looked at me for a long moment when I sat down. "Kate," she said quietly, "I need to ask you something." "Anything, honey," I replied, my heart beginning to thud. She took a deep breath. "Are you still in love with Jordan?" I sat there looking at her, the word NO resounding in my head, but I was unable to speak. Kelly's face, so calm and composed, closed up and her eyes froze me out. "You can't answer me, can you?" she asked. I was silent, pleading her with my eyes to understand. She sat up straighter in her chair after a long moment of silence, then abruptly stood up and began walking into the bedroom. "Kelly..." I said reaching for her as she walked past me. She pulled her arm out of my grasp and looked directly into my eyes. I was expecting to find anger there, but all I could see was a great sadness that nearly undid me. "Kate, I love you. I am so much in love with you that sometimes I can hardly breathe when I think about you. Do you know that?" she asked, her chin quivering. "Yes," I whispered. "I know what Jordan means to you, Kate. I've always known, even when you protested that it wasn't so, but I was hoping what you and I have built would be enough to make you forget about her. I can see now that I was wrong." "No, Kelly," I said, stepping closer to her. She moved back and, frustrated, I stopped. "Kate, please. This is hard enough as it is. Jordan has some sort of hold over you, and I don't think you will ever be free to truly love anyone else until you follow that path to its end." "What are you saying?" I asked softly. She took a deep breath, then stepped over to me and hugged me tightly. My arms went around her and I could feel her strength as she held me. "What are you saying?" I repeated softly in her ear. I felt her hand on the back of my head as she put her lips next to my ear. "I'm saying you need to see this thing through, Kate." I made a noise in my throat and tried to pull away from her, but she held me more tightly and kept speaking into my ear. "Katie, you're not free. You never have been, no matter how much I've wanted you to be. I think you and I can have a future together, but we'll never know that unless you're free of Jordan." She pulled back and looked at me. Tears were standing in her eyes, but she stubbornly refused to let them fall. "I can't live with that uncertainty. Now that Jordan is back and has made it clear how she feels about you, I need to know one way or the other how you really feel. I don't want to wake up one morning and find you've left me for her, Kate. I can't allow myself to be put through that." "No," I was shaking my head. "No, Kelly, I love YOU. Jordan had her chance, and she left. I don't know what today was all about, and I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you if you'll let me. You've got to believe that I love you, Kelly. Please don't leave." She smiled and put her hand gently on my cheek. "I know you want to believe that, honey. I want to believe it, too, but right now I can't. I need to go away and give you time to think about this, because your decision needs to be made freely. You can't do that when I'm around." She looked at me sadly for a moment, then walked into the bedroom and began taking clothes out of her drawers. It was too much for me to bear, so I turned and went into the music room, closing the door behind me. I heard the door to the music room open a short time later but didn't turn around. I sat with my back to the door, then felt Kelly's warm hands on my shoulders. I sat still, my head down, and she leaned over and kissed the back of my neck. "I just wanted to tell you goodbye, Kate," she said. "Where will you go?" I asked. "I'll be around," she said. I turned to look at her. "How will I know where to find you?" "We'll find each other, if that's what is supposed to happen," she said. She leaned down and kissed me gently, then walked out of the room. I stared after her until I heard the door close, then got up and went into the bedroom. It looked so strange, her closet empty and things missing from the top of her dresser. I walked over to my dresser and looked at a picture there. It was of the two of us, taken on a camping trip to Colorado we'd gone on a few months ago. We had backpacks on and were looking at each other, both of us laughing and seemingly carefree. Slowly, sadly, I took the frame and put it face down at the bottom of one of my drawers. I walked back into the living room and sat on the couch, trying to think. I had no idea what to do next. Kelly was gone, and I didn't know where. Calling Jordan was the last thing I wanted to do, in spite of what Kelly had said. I felt totally at a loss, and even sitting down at the piano did no good. After a few hours of sitting and staring at the wall, I turned on the television and lay down on the couch until sleep finally overtook me. I felt hands on my body, caressing me slowly the way I like it. I was naked under the blanket I'd covered up with, and the hands on me were cool and gentle. I sighed and moved slightly, my legs parting open as the hands moved up the inside of my thighs. I felt a gentle tickling as hands stroked the silky hair between my legs, then they moved up my body. The blanket slid slowly off of me and my nipples became erect in the cool air. I arched my back and pushed my breasts into the hands caressing me there, and I felt my nipples being rolled gently back and forth between strong fingers. A small sound escaped my throat as I felt a warm mouth enclose my breast, the tongue swirling around my nipple. I could feel a gentle sucking there and my body responded with an answering wetness between my legs. One hand moved down my body, stroking the wetness and moving in circles around my clit. I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't, the feelings coursing through my body taking all my energy. My hips began to move back and forth, the mouth still sucking on my breast, but now with more urgency. I could hear myself moaning, the hand between my legs moving faster now, sometimes sliding inside me, sometimes moving my clit back and forth. My hands were clenched in the fabric of the couch as my body began to build towards its climax. I came with a gasp, sitting up and forcing my eyes open. I was breathing hard, my heart racing...and I was alone. I looked around, my body lightly covered in sweat, and I shivered in the cold. The blanket had slipped down to the floor, so I leaned over to pick it up and wrap it around me. I had never had a dream that felt so real, and I had certainly never had an orgasm in my sleep. Lying back on the couch, snugly wrapped in the blanket again, I tried to remember the dream. I tried to picture who had been making love to me, but I drifted back to sleep before I figured it out. The next couple of weeks were pretty strange. Kelly didn't call, and since I had no idea where she was, I couldn't call her. The temptation to call her cell phone was tremendous, but I forced myself to respect her wish to be left alone. I walked through the days in a fog, going through my daily routine mechanically and falling into bed at night, hoping for dreamless sleep. It reminded me of how I was when Jordan first disappeared, only this time I was able to function more or less normally until I got home. Although I was very confused and upset, I managed to act fairly normal around people, so it was easy to get away with not explaining what was bothering me. To those few who noticed that I looked tired, I blamed it on a hectic rehearsal schedule. One day, about three weeks after Kelly left, I found myself with some unexpected free time. Rehearsal had been cancelled due to the illness of the conductor, so I ended up at Celestial Beans again, reading the latest Nevada Barr novel as I sipped my hot chocolate. It had grown chilly outside, and the warmth of the steaming mug felt good on my hands. I was completely engrossed in my book when I heard someone call my name. Startled, I looked up and saw my cellist friend Jacob and some of the same people I'd been sharing coffee with the day I heard Jordan had an exhibit up. Jacob invited me over to sit with them, and after a brief hesitation I joined them. There was much speculation that our conductor was suffering from a hangover rather than being ill, but I wasn't paying much attention to the conversation. I was so far away in my own thoughts that I failed to notice some of the women in the group talking intently among themselves, casting furtive glances toward me. I sat there half-listening to the conversation, and had just decided to excuse myself when Laurie, one of the women in the group, spoke up. "Kate, can I ask you something?" she asked, almost shyly. "Of course," I said, snapping my attention back to the present. "Well," she said, glancing at her friends. "We've all been wondering...have you seen the Jordan Stuart exhibit yet?" "I..." I stammered, feeling like I'd been slapped in the face. I knew there was no way out of this, so I said, simply, "Yes." "So...is that you? In those photos?" she asked. I sighed. "Yes." There was a rustling among everyone, and I squirmed uncomfortably under their scrutiny. "I knew it!" Laurie said, turning to one of her friends. She looked back at me. "Why didn't you tell us you were part of the exhibit?" "Well, mainly because I didn't know," I replied, feeling my face grow hot. "You didn't know?" she asked, puzzled. "How could you not know?" "I hadn't seen Jordan in a couple of years. I didn't even know she was back in town until Jacob told me about the exhibit last time we were here." "Wow," Laurie said. "I bet you were surprised to see your photo there." "You have NO idea," I said wryly, causing some laughter. I smiled and began to relax. "Well, after Laurie told me about those photos, I went back to see them. They weren't up the first time I was there," Jacob said to me. "She said they were of you, but I didn't believe her until I saw them for myself. God, Kate, they're beautiful." "Thank you," I said. "The first time I saw them was when I went to see the exhibit." "Jesus," Jacob whistled. "Yeah. I confronted her after I'd seen the exhibit. I was pretty angry at her." "Why?" Laurie asked. "If anyone ever took pictures like that of ME, I'd want them published in magazines!" There was general laughter at her remark, and I found myself laughing as well. "It's a long story," I said, not willing to go into it. "I was just very surprised, especially since she didn't ask my permission first." There were a few more comments about the quality of the photos (much to my embarrassment), and soon several people stood up to leave. I remained there, talking to Jacob and Laurie until we were the only three left, then Jacob stood and excused himself, saying his girlfriend was expecting him. Laurie sat with me for a while longer, and we talked about things like the music we were working on for the upcoming concert and the speculation that the conductor was soon going to be replaced. Eventually, she sat back and said, "Kate, I know we don't know each other very well, but I was wondering if I could ask you something." "Sure," I said. "It's pretty personal." "Go ahead," I said, knowing what was coming next. "Well...those photos...they were so intimate and personal. The look in your eyes, the expression on your face..." "Yes," I said. "Well...were you involved with Jordan Stuart?" I looked at her, searching, but all I saw in her face was an honest curiosity. "It's that obvious, is it?" I asked, sighing deeply. "Well, those photos don't leave much to the imagination. The emotion there is so raw, so...I don't know...exposed, I guess. They caused quite a stir when we saw them." "Oh, god," I said, putting my head in my hands. "What?" Laurie asked, concerned. "Well, I told Jordan I wanted them taken down. I told her how hard it would be for me, especially since I work around here. I guess she didn't listen." "I don't know why you're so worried. Those pictures are incredible, Kate. You should be flattered." "I guess I'm more concerned about the general public knowing I'm gay," I said, surprising myself by admitting it to this near stranger. "Oh, well," she said. "It's not like you're the first gay musician ever, you know. Some of the best musicians in this orchestra are gay." The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 09 "I realize that, Laurie, but I'm a very private person. I'm still very angry at Jordan, because she knows how I feel about that and she hung those pictures anyway." "So, I guess the two of you aren't involved anymore," she said, half questioning. I surprised myself again by telling her the whole story, including Kelly leaving and what she'd said about Jordan. Laurie was a sympathetic listener, sitting silently as I poured out my heart, asking questions when she needed clarification about things but mostly listening intently without interrupting me. When I finished talking, I sat back and waited for Laurie to say something. I felt a small bit of panic at having told her so much. After all, I hardly knew her, but for some reason she made me feel comfortable, and she was easy to talk to. "Wow," she said, taking a sip of her coffee. "Sounds like you're in quite a pickle, my friend." "Tell me something I don't know," I said ruefully. She chuckled, saying, "Well, what am I supposed to do here? Just listen, or tell you what I think?" "I don't know. Tell me what you think, I guess. It certainly can't make things worse." "Okay. Well, Kate, the way I see it, you need to find out once and for all what there is with you and Jordan. From what you've said, you're basing all these feelings for her on things that might have been. I mean, when you really look at things from an outside point of view, you and Jordan never really had a relationship, just a few very intense encounters. She was your first experience with a woman, and that's not a small thing, but it's not EVERYTHING. You've not really spent enough time with her to know whether or not you would even be good in a relationship together, right?" "That's true," I said, thinking it over. "Now, Kelly is a different story. You HAVE had a relationship with her, and you know what you've got with her. It's obvious from what you've told me that you love her very much, but for some reason that's not enough for you. Am I wrong in saying that?" "Well..." I said, hesitating. "Come on. Be honest with yourself, Kate." "No, you're not wrong," I admitted. "I don't know why, but no matter what I do or how much I try to push her away, Jordan is always there. But, if I love Kelly so much, how could I have allowed Jordan to do what she did?" "That's what I'm trying to tell you, Kate. There's a part of you that will always wonder what might have been, if you don't see this through with Jordan. I think that's what happened to you the day you went over there. Being angry at her was a convenient excuse for getting you there, but in reality, I think the main reason you went there was to see what would happen." "Jesus, Laurie," I said, sitting back. "You make me sound so conniving and manipulative. Do you really believe I went over to Jordan's to have sex? I'm...or at least, I was...in a committed relationship!" "Kate, I don't know you well enough to know what your motivation really was. I'm just throwing things out there based on what you've said. I'm not judging you or accusing you of anything, okay? You wanted to know what I think, so I'm telling you." "Okay, okay. You're right. I guess...it's just hard for me to believe I would do something like that." "Well, I don't think you did it deliberately. It's not like you said to yourself, 'Okay, forget what I have with Kelly, I'm going over to Jordan's to have sex.' Right?" "Right." "So, it's more like a subconscious thing. It happens, Kate, especially when there's unfinished business involved. Personally, I think Kelly was pretty damn smart to see that and give you the chance to figure this out on your own. That way, if you choose to stay with her, she'll know it was an honest choice and she'll be able to live with that." "But what if I don't choose Kelly?" I asked in a small voice. "The last thing I want to do is hurt her any more than I already have." "Think of it this way – do you honestly think she'll hurt less if she's unsure how you feel about her? What if you decide to forget this thing with Jordan for now and stay with Kelly, but then in two years, or even six months, you regret not having found out what you and Jordan could have had? Do you want to put her through that? Do you want to put yourself through that?" I sat quietly, thinking about what she'd said. "No, I don't. That would be cruel and unfair, to both of us." "Well, there you go. I think you've just found your answer." I sat quietly for a long time, thinking about what Laurie had said. "You know, you're pretty damn astute for someone who doesn't know me very well," I said with a wry smile. "I've been around the block a few times, you know? I guess all those college psychology classes I took were good for something after all," she said, grinning. "Thanks so much, Laurie," I said, reaching out for her hands. "I can't tell you how much it means to me, having you sit here and listen to me ramble on about this. Talking with you has really helped me see things more clearly." "I'm just glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me what you did. I've kind of hoped we'd get the chance to talk at some point. You seem someone I'd really like to get to know better." "Thank you for that," I said, squeezing her hands and standing up to put on my coat. "I really appreciate knowing that." She stood up with me and we went to pay our bills, then walked out together and stood in the doorway for a moment. She turned to look at me, then surprised me by giving me a big hug. I hugged her in return, and when we pulled away, she said, "I'd like to know how all of this works out for you, if you don't mind telling me. I'm not trying to be nosy, but I really hope things turn out the way you want them to." "I'll let you know," I promised. "One way or the other, I'll be sure to talk to you about it." "Okay. Good luck, Kate. Remember – be true to your heart. It's the only way you'll be truly happy." On the way home, I decided to stop by Washington Street to see the exhibit again. This time, since I knew what to expect, I hoped to be able to look at it with a head not clouded by shock and anger. The cold weather seemed to be keeping people at home, so the gallery was fairly deserted when I arrived. I was happy to see that Rachel, the young woman who had originally shown me the photos, was not there. I wanted to be able to study the photos without someone hovering over my shoulder asking questions. I stood in front of the one of me leaning on the log and looked at it carefully. More calm than I'd been that first time, I took in details I'd failed to notice before. I was able to appreciate the true artistry Jordan possessed, in the ability to snap the shutter at just the right moment. The look of utter longing on my face was unmistakable, and remembering what she had whispered to me prior to taking the picture made my insides twitch. I moved to the other photo, remembering how I had made love to Jordan in my studio soon after that one was taken. I could recall the intensity of our lovemaking that day, the way I had played Jordan's body like I would a fine instrument. I knew without thinking that, even in the limited time I'd spent with Jordan, no other experience I'd had before even came close to the intensity of feelings I'd felt with her. Looking back, it was no wonder I couldn't forget about her, and I knew without question that what Kelly and Laurie both had said was true – I would never be free unless I saw this thing with Jordan through. I left the gallery and got into my car, sitting there for a moment and gathering my courage. The thought of seeing Jordan again made my heart pound. I wasn't sure how she would react to me after the way I'd run out on her. I doubted she'd kick me out, but I didn't figure the reception would be the warmest. When I got to Jordan's, I got out of the car and walked over to the stairs leading to the loft. I hadn't called before arriving, hoping to catch her off guard. When I knocked on the door, I found myself holding my breath as I heard her footsteps coming closer. I could sense her on the other side, and the moment of hesitation before she opened the door seemed to last for hours. When the door swung open and our eyes met, I knew that no matter what happened, coming here had been the right thing to do. "Hi," I said, standing stiffly with my hands in my pockets. "Hi," she replied, not moving aside to let me in. We looked at each other for a long moment as I tried to figure out what to say next. "Jordan..." I began. "What do you want, Kate?" she asked, her voice stiff and guarded. "I want to talk to you," I said. "Okay. So talk," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Jordan, please. Can we go inside and do this?" I asked, taking a step closer to her. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Kate. Why don't you just say what you have to say?" I took a deep breath. "Jordan," I said, "Please, I want to go inside and talk to you. We need to talk." She looked at me for a long time, then finally stepped back to let me in. I walked past her and into the living space, then sat down and waited for her to come join me. She closed the door and came into the room, sitting in a chair across from me with her arms still crossed. She was wearing a pair of baggy shorts and a tank top, her skin smooth and still tanned from her travels. Her weight loss caused the muscles in her legs and arms to be more defined than I remembered, and the lightness of her hair emphasized the green in her eyes. I had to close my eyes against the wave of feeling that rushed through me at the thought of our naked bodies entwined, moving together. I knew I would never be able to get through this if I let my thoughts go that way. "Well?" she asked, a bit impatiently. "Jordan, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday. I probably shouldn't have come over in the first place." She looked away from me, her mouth tightening in pain. "I'm the one who should be apologizing, Kate. It was unfair of me to do that to you. I've never done anything like that before." "Jordan, we need to talk about this. About us." She sighed. "Yes, I suppose we do." I stood up and began pacing around the room. "I've been living with someone, Jordan. A wonderful woman named Kelly, who has been my entire life for almost a year now. She helped me heal after you disappeared, taught me that I can love and trust someone and, be loved in return. She has been everything to me, and now you're back and I'm more confused than ever." "Confused about what, Kate?" I stopped in front of her. "About you, Jordan! I've been carrying you around in my heart for the past three years, and no matter what I do, I can't get away from you. You have affected every relationship I've had since the first time we made love, do you know that?" She stood up in front of me, standing close enough for me to feel her breath on my face. "I know that. Don't you think it's been the same for me?" she said softly, her eyes looking deeply into mine. "You sure seemed eager enough to get away from me," I said, standing my ground. "You left me, Jordan. You left without saying anything to me. Do you have any idea what you put me through?" She reached out for me and hugged me tightly. "I know, Kate. For the first three months I was gone, all I could do was sit and think about you. I knew being with Toby was wrong and that you didn't understand. I was messed up, Kate." I pulled back and looked at her. "Where did you go?" I asked. "Why didn't you let me know where you were? Why did you disappear?" She let me go and sat down again, hanging her head. "I went to Europe first, then ended up in Africa. I wandered around for three months, not working, not talking to anyone, trying to get my head on right. I had to get away, from Toby, from you. I'm sorry I didn't get in touch with you, but I didn't know what to say. I stayed away so long partly for me, but mostly for you. I wanted you to forget about me, because all I'd managed to do was screw you up." "Why did you use those photos of me in your show? Why didn't you let me know you were back?" I asked, still standing in front of her. "It was a last-minute decision," she said, not looking at me. "I think part of me hoped you'd do exactly what you did, see them or hear about them and come running to me. I didn't stop to think about the impact it would have on your career." I laughed, remembering the reactions of those in the coffee shop who'd seen them. "Well, if anything, I think those photos have made me somewhat more popular," I said. She looked up at me, then leaned forward and put her arms around my waist, her head against my stomach. "God, Kate, but I've missed you," she said, her voice muffled. I put my hands on her head, stroking her hair gently. "I've missed you, too, Jordan. I never stopped loving you, after all this time." Her hands began moving on my back, sliding up under the shirt I was wearing. "Your skin is so smooth," she whispered, pulling me closer in to her. Her hands kept moving on me as I leaned down to kiss the top of her head, then I tilted her face up so I could kiss her. When our lips met, it was like fire going through me. We kissed softly, almost tentatively at first. I felt her tongue probe inside my mouth, and she moaned softly when mine met hers. I knelt down in front of her, my hands moving up under her shirt. She put her hands on my arms as I caressed her skin, as I moved up her taut stomach to her breasts. I cupped her breasts in my hands, feeling the nipples come erect against my palms. She sighed and moved her hands to cover mine as I gently squeezed and touched her. "Lean back," I said, pushing her to the back of the chair. She slid down in the chair and I knelt between her open legs, sliding my hands up her smooth skin and up the legs of her shorts. I moved up to the tops of her thighs, spreading her open and caressing the outside of her pussy with my thumbs. "Kate," she said, her eyes closed and her hands moving on top of mine. "Shhh," I said, reaching up to unfasten her shorts. I leaned forward and kissed her bare skin as I pulled the zipper down, feeling her hands tangle in my hair. "Raise up," I said, and as she moved her hips up I pulled her shorts and underwear down and off. I moved her legs farther apart, spreading her open and taking a long, slow taste of her with my tongue. "Katie," she moaned. When I looked up at her as I licked her, her eyes were closed and she was biting her lower lip. I sat back and held her open with my hands, taking a long look at her and running a finger all around her clit. She was wet, both from my tongue and her own arousal. I leaned in and slid my tongue from the base of her clit to the top, slowly but firmly, and her hips began to move with the rhythm of my stroking tongue. She tasted slightly salty, and I put my mouth over her and sucked her entire clit up into my mouth, flicking her lightly with my tongue. Her hands were in my hair, moving lightly over my face as I pressed into her and slid my tongue inside her. I began kissing up her body, feeling the muscles of her abdomen tighten as she took her breath in sharply, feeling my lips on her. I stood and pulled her up off the chair, holding her against me for a moment, then standing back to look at her. Her eyes were half open, a feline smile on her face, two spots of color high in her cheeks. "Can we go to your bed?" I asked, leaning forward again and whispering in her ear. "Yes," she whispered huskily. I took her hand and led her into the bedroom. As we walked through the doorway, Jordan pulled on my hand and pushed me up against the wall, her lips meeting mine as our bodies meshed together. She kissed me hard, her tongue dancing with mine as the intensity grew. She was making noises in her throat as she rubbed against me, and we were both breathing hard. I pushed her back and made her stop, and we looked into each other's eyes for a long moment. Slowly, I began taking my clothes off, her eyes moving greedily over my body when I stood naked in front of her. I reached out and pulled her shirt off over her head, then placed my hands on her waist and gently pushed her back to the bed. When she felt the bed against the back of her legs, she leaned backwards and scooted up onto it, and I slid next to her. We lay there, facing each other, with me propped up on my elbow. I reached out with my left hand and gently stroked her face, then let my hand slide down to her shoulder, down her side, and to her hip. Her eyes were on mine, and I could see the pulse fluttering in her throat as I touched her. "Hi," I said. "Hi there," she said, smiling. I reached up and placed my fingertips on her collarbone, then moved one finger along the ridge of it and down to her breast. She closed her eyes and sighed softly as I gently traced around her nipple with one finger, and I watched as it became erect. I could feel the beating of my own heart and the wetness between my legs, but I was determined to make this last for a long time. "Hey you," I whispered, leaning in and kissing her. Her eyes opened as our lips met, and I moved closer to her as the kiss became stronger. I could feel her tongue on mine, and we shifted together, she moving to her back as I slid on top of her. I raised up on my hands and looked down into her beautiful green eyes, which were fixed on my blue ones. I leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose, then the corners of her mouth, which was turned up in her feline smile. "Well," I said, teasing her, "you look like the cat that ate the canary." "Not just yet," she said, chuckling deep in her throat. My stomach flipped over at the sound of her warm laughter. I cradled her head in my arms, my hands in her hair. We kissed again, and I gently nudged her legs apart as I settled my body on top of hers. "God," she whispered into my mouth as we kissed. "Oh, Katie...my god, you feel so good." "Mmmm," I hummed as I began moving against her. I'd forgotten how our bodies seemed to fit so well together. I could feel her erect nipples against mine as I held her closer, and I found myself wishing for a brief moment that I could be completely inside her. I felt her wetness against mine as the lips of our pussies met. The feeling was incredible, and I reached between us with my left hand and spread both of us open, then moved into her until I could feel her clit rubbing against mine. "Ohhh Jordan," I gasped, the feel of her against me nearly enough to make me come on the spot. "Katie...baby...yes...," she moaned, her teeth biting lightly into my shoulder. Her arms came up around me, and I could feel her nails digging into my back as I rocked back and forth on her. We were both beginning to sweat lightly, and as I looked down at her, I could see the tendons in her neck stand out as she worked hard to keep her clit on mine. I leaned down and licked the hollow of her throat, tasting salt there. Her arms tightened around me, and I could tell she was close to coming. Her eyes were closed and her head was thrown back, but I wasn't ready to come yet. I pulled back slightly, slowing the pace down. "Katie...what...," she gasped, opening her eyes and grabbing on to me. "Shhh," I said, kissing her mouth, "I want us to come together, honey. I want you to wait for me, okay?" "OHHH," she groaned, laughing at the same time. She rolled over and pinned me underneath her, holding my arms up over my head and slowly rubbing her body up and down mine. "How much longer?" she asked, her tongue flicking lightly over my nipples. "Not much, if you keep doing that," I said, my hips moving against her. "Okay...well, how 'bout if I keep doing this?" she asked, sliding two fingers inside me and rubbing my clit with her thumb while she sucked on my nipple. The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 09 "Oh my GOD," I gasped, wrapping my arms around her head and pulling her close to me. I could feel her sliding in and out of me, her thumb moving my clit back and forth as my hips moved in rhythm with her strokes. She was making noises in her throat again as she sucked on my nipples, one after the other, and it was all I could do to breathe as the pleasure washed through me. She lifted her head and looked at me. "Katie, I want to try something with you," she said, kissing me lightly. "Anything," I whispered back. "Scoot down a little," she said, watching as I moved lower on the bed. When I was where she wanted me, she moved her leg over the top of me and straddled me, her pussy over my face. "Jordan...god..." I whispered. "Is this okay, honey," she asked. "Are you okay?" Instead of answering, I reached between her legs and spread her lips open, sliding my tongue around her wetness. I could feel her hands spreading me open too, then her tongue on my clit. Knowing that she was feeling the same thing I was feeling sent shivers through me. She slid her fingers inside me as her tongue stroked me, and I knew I was going to come soon. Jordan began moving her hips faster against my tongue, and her tongue moved faster on my clit. I was gasping for breath, trying to keep my tongue on her, but my orgasm was close and it was hard for me to concentrate. I leaned my head back as I came, using my fingers on her clit because I could hardly breathe. "I'm coming, baby," I gasped, my hips thrusting up. I could feel the walls of my pussy contract around her fingers, and suddenly she came too, her body pushing into mine as she cried aloud with the force of her orgasm. We lay there, spent, trying to catch our breath. I felt her move as she turned around and slid up to lie next to me, her head on my outstretched arm and her leg flung over my body. "Put your arm around me," she said, then laughed as I weakly flopped my arm up and then back down on the bed. "I can't," I groaned, feeling an amazing languor in all my limbs. She laughed again, kissing my shoulder before she snuggled back into me. We lay there for a while, then I finally felt enough strength in my arm to move my hand lightly up and down her side. Our breathing had quieted, and I could sense that she was on the verge of falling asleep. I began to drift off too, my hand slowing down and stopping as sleep overtook me. When I woke up, I looked around for a long, sleepy moment before I remembered where I was. It was still dark out, and I could hear rain falling outside. My arm was still under Jordan, but she was facing away from me, curled up like a kitten on her left side. She was breathing deeply, sound asleep, and I slid my arm gently out from under her so I could get out of bed. I walked carefully over to the bathroom, waiting until the door was closed before I turned on the light. I stared at myself in the mirror, then turned on the cold water and splashed some on my face. I braced my hands on the edge of the sink and took a deep breath, the joy and passion of making love with Jordan dissolving as I realized what this was all meant. When I was finished in the bathroom, I turned off the light and stood there for a minute, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness before I went back to the bedroom. I got back in bed, sitting up against the headboard with a pillow behind my back. Jordan muttered something, then stirred and turned over to face me. Her arm reached out for me, and she woke up when she realized I wasn't lying down. "Kate?" she asked, her voice husky with sleep. "I'm here," I said. "What time is it?" she asked, rubbing her eyes and yawning. I looked at the clock next to the bed. "It's 4:30 am." "What's wrong? Why aren't you sleeping?" she asked, sitting up and pulling the covers up to her waist. "I was. The rain woke me up, I guess. Then I had to pee." "Katie," she said, turning my face toward her, "are you okay?" I looked at her, then looked away and pulled my knees up to my chest. "Yeah. No. I don't know," I said, my arms around my knees. "Uh-oh," Jordan said. "Sounds like you've got the morning-after blues." I jerked in surprise and looked at her, my mouth open in shock. "What did you just say?" I asked, incredulous. "Kate, I'm sorry. I was just trying to lighten things up a little. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, reaching out and putting her arms around me. "God, Jordan," I said, leaning into her embrace. "Please don't kid about this. This is going to kill Kelly, you know." "I know, baby," she said into my shoulder, stroking my hair. "I'm sorry. That was incredibly insensitive of me, Kate, and I apologize." "It's okay. I just...I guess it just hit me that I'm going to have to tell her what's going on. I guess I'll have to leave a message on her cell phone, because I don't know where she's gone." "What are you going to tell her?" Jordan asked, sitting back and taking my hand in hers. "I don't know." "You don't know?" she asked. I looked at her. "No. I don't. Do you?" "Well, I..." she began, then stopped. She looked at me, then looked away again. "I guess we need to talk about this, don't we?" "Yeah. I guess we do." We sat there together for a long while. I'm not sure what was going on in Jordan's head, but mine was whirling and spinning as I tried to figure out what the hell to do next. To be continued... The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 10 To my wonderful readers: Thanks again for your patience and encouragement as I continue to write this story. I apologize again for the delay in submitting this, but I hope you'll find it worth the wait. Chapter Ten “Jordan, hurry up!” I shouted into the bathroom. “We’re going to be late!” The water shut off and she stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and starting to dry off. “Kate, no one ever shows up to these things on time. Chill out,” she said, her voice muffled by the towel as she dried her face. I looked over at her from where I sat at the vanity, the sight of her naked body sending shivers through me as usual. “I know that, Jordan, but there’s late and then there’s LATE,” I said, slightly exasperated. She stopped toweling off and gave me a look, then I turned back to the mirror and continued to put my lipstick on. I felt her before I saw her, appearing behind me in the mirror. Her short hair was spiky from being scrubbed dry, and I could see a few small beads of water on her chest and breasts. She put her hands on my shoulders and leaned into me, her mouth on the side of my neck. “Come on, Katie…a few minutes won’t make a difference to anyone,” she said, her voice low and throaty. She slid her hands down the front of my chest as I leaned my head back, and I could feel my nipples getting hard at her gentle touch. “Jordan,” I murmured as her hands caressed me, “you have to get ready so we can go.” “Oh, I’m ready, baby,” she said into my ear, the warmth of her breath causing ripples deep inside me. Her hands slid inside my bra and touched my bare skin, pinching my nipples gently. I gasped softly and leaned back, feeling her mouth and teeth on my neck again. I stretched my arms up over my head and put them around her neck, pulling her closer to me as her hands slid down to my stomach and inside my underwear. “Jordan, my god,” I moaned, writhing as she teased me with her hands in my pubic hair. I could feel myself getting wetter the longer she nibbled on my neck. “We don’t have time for this right now, honey,” I managed to say. She bit my neck gently, then moved around and sat down in front of me. “Lean back,” she whispered, reaching up and pulling my underwear down and off. “Jordan…” I began. “Hush,” she said, pushing me back and pulling my butt to the edge of the chair I was on. I gave up and closed my eyes as she settled down between my open legs. I felt her hands touch my ankles, then slide gently up my calves. Although I was dying for those wonderful hands to slide higher up, Jordan had other ideas. She started massaging my calves, kneading deep into the muscle as I moaned in pleasure. Her hands were warm and strong on my skin, and I could feel myself relaxing as she continued to squeeze and stroke my legs. She moved up to my knees, then slid up the insides of my thighs. Of their own accord, my legs opened up further as I felt her begin to stroke the outside of my pussy. I could feel her hands spread along the tops of my legs as she stroked me open. “You are SO wet, baby,” Jordan breathed, and I could feel her shifting as she sat up on her knees and leaned closer to me. I jumped when she kissed my stomach, then could feel her moving lower until her lips were brushing over my trimmed hair. She held my lips open with one hand and began to stroke my wet clit with the other as I moaned and twitched, loving every sensation. She slid down and opened my lips wider, then gently touched me with her tongue. Involuntarily, I felt myself pushing toward her mouth when her tongue began making slow, soft circles around my clit. Before I could stop myself, I reached down and tangled my hands in her hair, pushing my body into her mouth. She started sucking, taking my entire pussy in her mouth while her tongue flicked over my clit faster and faster. I whimpered aloud when I felt her slide two fingers inside me, moving in and out as she sucked on me. She shifted again, this time lifting my legs up over her shoulders and pulling me in even closer to her. It felt as though we were sealed together, like her mouth and my pussy were one entity, and I moaned louder as I felt my orgasm building. “Oh, Jordan…ahhhhh…” I gasped through clenched teeth as the orgasm coursed through me. My hips bucked as she continued sucking on me, until I gently pushed her head away and she looked up at me, grinning. “How do you feel about being late now, baby?” she teased. I laughed weakly, leaning back in my chair and trying to catch my breath. “Where we going somewhere?” She stood up and stretched, then leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “Okay, I feel better,” she said, walking to the closet and reaching for her dress. “We can go now.” The party was in full swing by the time we got there, a semi-formal affair to celebrate the end of the symphony season. I had performed as soloist with them in a series of concerts featuring the Romantic composers, which ended up being the best-attended performances during the season. When Gil, the orchestra manager, handed me the invitation, I noticed that it said “Ms. Shaw and Guest”. I stopped him as he was walking away and said, “Gil, can I ask you something?” “Of course,” he said, a small, energetic man (who reminded me of the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland). “Will it be a problem for me to bring Jordan as my guest?” I asked. He’d looked at me in complete surprise, “Kate, of course not. We’re all looking forward to meeting her.” “Good,” I’d said, relieved. Enough people knew about me now that I really wasn’t as concerned as I had been, but it was still important to me not to make people feel uncomfortable. When we walked in, several people noticed and began walking toward us, then Laurie and Jacob started clapping, causing everyone else in the crowded room to look our way. “Stop that!” I said to Laurie, embarrassed by the attention. “Kate, you’re blushing!” she said, laughing as she reached out to hug me. “You act as though you’ve never been the center of attention before!” “Well, not like THIS,” I grumbled, rolling my eyes at Jordan over Laurie’s shoulder. Jordan was laughing as well, which made me want to smack her and kiss her at the same time. Laurie let me go, then turned to Jordan and held out her hand. “You must be Jordan,” she said with a broad smile. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I feel like I know you already, the way Kate goes on.” “Okay, okay, that’s enough,” I said, swatting Laurie’s shoulder and walking over to stand next to Jordan. “Jordan Stuart, meet Laurie Weaver, principal flutist and coffee addict.” “Don’t forget about me!” Jacob said, shouldering his way in and taking Jordan’s hand. “Yes, yes,” I said, smiling at him. His hair was spiky and standing on end, and he was wearing a wide-shouldered black jacket with a white t-shirt and a pair of black jeans with black cowboy boots. Of all the musicians in the orchestra, Jacob seemed most inclined to defy stereotypes and take the road less traveled. Even his tuxedo for performance nights wasn’t strictly kosher, but he was such a brilliant young musician that everyone seemed to forgive his eccentricities. “Jordan, this is Jacob Behrens, our principal cellist,” I said, amused by the puppyish look on Jacob’s face as he shook her hand. “Well, it’s good to finally meet Katie’s friends,” she said, squeezing Jacob’s hand and smiling. “Yeah, it’s about time!” Jacob said, punching me lightly on the shoulder. “you’d think you two were busy all the time or something.” We all laughed, and Laurie took Jordan’s arm, winking at me as she said, “I’m going to steal her for just a little while, Kate. There are a lot of people who want to meet her, so we’re going to make the rounds.” Jordan looked at me helplessly over her shoulder as Laurie whisked her away, making me laugh. Jacob, still standing next to me, gave a low wolf whistle. “Kate, she is HOT,” he said. “I had no idea she was so sexy!” “Hey!” I said, punching him in the shoulder, quite a bit harder than he’d punched me. “Ouch!” he said, laughing and rubbing his shoulder. “What, it was a compliment to your good taste, Kate!” “Yeah, yeah,” I said, “SURE it was. You just can’t help noticing beautiful women, that’s all. I doubt your girlfriend would be impressed.” “Well, I can window shop and not buy anything, you know,” he grinned. “I’m not dead, after all.” “Oh boy,” I groaned, taking his arm and steering him toward the food table. “It’s gonna be a long night, I can already tell.” As the evening wore on, I made the rounds, catching glimpses of Jordan as she moved around the room with Laurie and graciously spoke to everyone who seemed to be clamoring for her attention. It was amazing, really, how many people seemed to know her and her work. I wondered ruefully if she was going to end up working even more than she already did, after making contacts with very important people here in this room. She caught my eye every once in a while, giving me that small ironic smile of hers, letting me know she was aware of how silly this all was. At one point, as I was speaking to the mayor and his wife, I happened to look over his shoulder. Jordan was facing me, talking to an elderly woman in a sparkly evening gown. When our eyes met, I felt a jolt of electricity go right through my body. At that moment, I pictured her clearly in my mind’s eye, naked, her hands in my hair as I took her in my mouth and swirled my tongue around her clit. I could hear her throaty moaning and feel her hips move into me, and my own clit began to throb. She must have read what was in my eyes, because she suddenly looked distracted, her eyes lingering on me when the woman she was speaking with touched her elbow inquisitively. She shook her head and said something to the woman, glancing back at me with a knowing smile on her face. It was all I could do to focus on what the mayor was saying, and I excused myself as soon as I politely could. I was still throbbing from my thoughts of Jordan, and I felt like I was going to explode unless I was able to get some air. I walked around into the atrium hallway, away from the crowd, looking out the windows as I climbed the stairs to the second balcony. I could still hear the noise and clamor of the party, but in a distant, comforting way. I leaned against the railing and looked at the apartment building across the street. I was idly counting the lights in the windows, trying to distract myself, when I saw her appear behind me like an apparition. “It’s about time,” I said, grinning and turning to face her. “You’ve not been waiting THAT long, my love,” she said, stepping forward into my arms. “Long enough,” I whispered into her ear, embracing her. I could feel her body underneath the black sheath she was wearing, could feel the muscles in her back as her arms tightened around me. I slid my hands down to her waist and pulled her hips into me, my clit throbbing harder, feeling the wetness gather there as we kissed. “You nearly did me in when you looked at me like that,” she said softly, running her hands up and down my back. “I know,” I said, kissing her neck and putting my hands on her butt, pulling her closer into me. She began slowly rocking, grinding her hips into me as our mouths met and our kisses became more intense. She started pulling my dress up with her hands as our tongues swirled around, and I moaned deep in my throat. She pushed me gently against the column next to the edge of the balcony, and I could hear the party going on below us, distantly, almost surreal. I knew someone could come up those stairs at any moment and see us, but that only served to thrill me even more. I was pressed against the column, my head thrown back as she kissed my bare throat, pulling my dress up over my waist. I was naked underneath, causing her to gasp when she touched between my legs and felt how wet I was. “Ohhh,” she moaned. She straightened up and slid her arm behind my shoulder, looking into my eyes as the fingers of her left hand teased me, sliding up and down my clit as I moaned. Her arm was tight around me, my hips moving back and forth as she began to slide her fingers inside me. “I love you, Katie,” she said softly, her breathing becoming ragged like mine as she continued to stroke me. “Jordan, we have to stop,” I murmured. “Someone could come upstairs and see us.” She held me tighter and kept touching me, her fingers like silk on my throbbing clit, my pussy slick and wet as she slid in and out of me. “The only one who’s going to come is you, baby,” she whispered, looking over my shoulder. “Just forget about them and concentrate on what I’m doing to you.” “But…Jordan…I…” I said, my struggles weakening as feelings began to rush through me. “Shhh,” she said. “I’m watching…it’s okay.” I gave up and closed my eyes, trusting that she would tell me if anyone was headed our way. My arms were around her shoulders now, holding her closer to me. I was beginning to sweat lightly, and I could feel the back of Jordan’s neck getting wet as she worked her fingers in and on me. “Jordan…god…I’m going to come soon, baby,” I moaned in her ear. She grinned and started moving her hand faster, still looking over my shoulder to make sure we were safe. “I can see Laurie,” she whispered, “and Jacob wandering around making everyone laugh. Can you imagine if they came up here and caught us?” I gasped, but the thought of being caught somehow turned me on rather than the opposite. Jordan continued whispering in my ear, and the more she talked, the more aroused I became. I started to picture people looking up and seeing us, me with my dress hiked up above my waist, Jordan pressing into me, her hand buried inside me…I could feel the pressure building the more I thought about it, and I gasped into Jordan’s ear, “I’m coming, baby.” “Come for me, Katie…come on,” she said, sliding in and out of me faster and harder. My entire body convulsed as it hit me, and I buried my face in Jordan’s shoulder, biting her hard and trying to be quiet. She pulled me closer, her fingers inside me as I pulsed around her. I held onto her for dear life as my strength ran out, my knees buckling as the monstrous orgasm went through me. “Are you okay?” Jordan asked, holding me tightly. “Ohhhh god,” I moaned, sagging against her. She laughed and kissed me again, then gently slid her fingers out of me and pulled my dress back down around my hips. I leaned back against the column weakly, my arms and legs like spaghetti as I tried to catch my breath. “Jordan, my god…my ears are ringing.” “Good,” she said simply, a satisfied grin on her face. “That was the plan, after all. Now we have to get straightened up so we can go back down to the party.” “Oh no,” I groaned. “I don’t think I can move.” “Well, I think we should go and make an appearance again before anyone starts missing us,” she said, brushing my hair back from my face and straightening my dress. I sighed. “Okay, you’re right, but we’re not going to stay much longer. As soon as I recover, I owe you a couple…and it’s payback time.” “I was hoping you’d say that,” Jordan said, then grinned her naughty grin. “Come on, let’s go.” The rest of the evening seemed like it lasted a year. All I could think about was getting naked with Jordan, but she was right – it was good for me to hang around a bit longer, just to keep relations good with the public and the symphony supporters. Jordan continued to wander around and mingle with high society people, as at home with them as she was with the homeless people she often used as subjects of her photos. I tried to keep an eye on her, but she kept disappearing from sight as crowds of people enveloped her, wanting a word with the popular photographer. I finally tracked her down and caught her eye as she was deep in conversation with a blonde woman I recognized as one of the violists. I gave her a look, letting her know I wanted to leave soon, and she nodded at me before returning to her conversation. It was nearly midnight before we were able to graciously take our leave, having politely declined invitations from various orchestra members to continue the party in a more relaxed atmosphere. Laurie winked at me knowingly as we said goodbye, and I found myself wondering if she had somehow figured out what Jordan and I had been up to earlier. I fell into the car and leaned my head back, looking over at Jordan as she started the car. “GOD, let’s go HOME,” I said, exhausted. Jordan laughed and took my hand, bringing it to her lips as we drove off. “Yes, it was quite a party, wasn’t it?” “You sure were a big hit,” I said, twining my fingers comfortably through hers. “Did you pick up a lot of business?” She cocked an eyebrow at me, a wry grin on her face. “Well, yeah, I had a few offers.” “Anything big?” I asked, knowing she rarely worked to order unless the paycheck promised to be worth it. She seldom accepted jobs where she had to conform to a customer’s wishes; instead, she preferred create her work based on her own vision, selling those at high enough prices to avoid having to take what she called “canned” photos. “Oh, just the usual,” she said. “Most people seemed to know better than to ask me to take photos at their daughter’s wedding, thank god.” I laughed and moved over to lean my head on her shoulder. “Well, you had enough people wanting a piece of you. It almost seemed like a gallery opening rather than a symphony function.” Jordan snorted, kissing the top of my head and squeezing my hand. “I did have one inquiry that sounded pretty interesting, though.” “Really? What?” “You know that woman I was talking to when you got my attention, a while before we left?” “The blonde one?” I asked. “That’s her. She told me she saw the photos I took of you, and asked me if I would be willing to take some nudes of her in a few weeks.” “She WHAT?” I asked, sitting straight up and looking at her. She glanced sideways at me. “She wants me to take some nudes of her,” she repeated patiently. I stared at her for a long moment, then looked out the front window, my mouth clamped shut tight. “Kate, what?” Jordan asked, taking my hand again. I sighed. “I know I’m being ridiculous, but the thought of you spending time with that attractive woman – in the nude, no less – makes my stomach hurt,” I said, still not looking at her. She laughed and gently raised my hand to her lips again. “It’s just a job, Kate. And I haven’t agreed to it yet, although I probably will. She offered to pay quite well, and it seems to be a pretty simple order. You have nothing to worry about, my love.” I leaned on her shoulder again, trying to relax and not succeeding. We got to my apartment building and were both silent in the elevator on the way up, although probably not for the same reasons. I could tell by the look on Jordan’s face that she was already thinking about this new project, and I could feel myself getting more uptight about it as I watched her. I knew from experience that she tended to go away inside herself as she got deeper into a project, and usually it wasn’t a problem; I’m the same way when it comes to my performances. I willed myself to forget about it. As we walked in the door, I could hear the phone ringing but decided to let the machine pick up the call. I was simply too exhausted to deal with anything, especially at this hour. Jordan walked past me into the kitchen, and I walked to the answering machine to listen to the message. “Hi, Jordan?” said a husky voice, “this is Marta Giordano, the one you spoke to at the party this evening? I was just calling to see when you think we might be able to get together to talk about the photo shoot we discussed. Your ideas sounded very intriguing, and I’d love to talk more about it. You’ve got my numbers, so please give me a call at your earliest convenience. Thanks a lot. Have a good night.” The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 10 I turned to see Jordan standing in the entry to the kitchen, holding a bottle of water. “Who was that?” she asked, opening the water and taking a sip. “It was your new friend from the party,” I said, trying to keep my voice light. Jordan looked at me sharply. “What friend?” she asked, walking toward me and looking confused. “Marta, the one who wants to pose nude for you,” I said. Her face cleared. “Oh! What did she say?” “The message is still on there,” I said, walking past her into the bedroom. I could hear Marta’s voice as Jordan replayed the message. I sat on the edge of the bed, exhausted, trying hard to stop the panic that was rising inside me. I was still sitting there when Jordan walked in. “Kate?” she said, getting on the bed behind me and putting her hands on my shoulders. “What’s wrong, baby?” “I’m not really sure,” I said, unable to articulate what I was feeling. “Honey, look at me,” she said, gently putting pressure on my shoulders. I turned to her, and she took my face in her hands and leaned in to kiss me. She kissed me slowly, her tongue probing gently along my lips, parting them and touching my tongue. My body was responding to her in spite of both my exhaustion and my feeling of unreasonable panic. I had a sudden flash of her making love to Toby, and it startled me so much that I pulled away from her. “What?” she asked, taken off guard by my sudden movement. “Jordan, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on,” I said. “I feel like I can’t breathe.” She sat back and looked at me, her eyes narrowed. “This is about Marta, isn’t it?” she asked eventually. I sat quietly, my thoughts racing but unable to say a word. Jordan shifted around to sit next to me, and took both my hands in hers. “Kate, listen to me. I know our past hasn’t exactly been stable, but you’ve got to believe I love you. We’re both working really hard to make this work, and it’s been great. Do you honestly think I’d give this up now?” I looked at her, seeing the love for me in her eyes. “Jordan, it’s not that. I guess this thing with you and me is still so new in a lot of ways…and you’re right – our past has been a bit rocky. I just don’t want to lose you.” She laughed and hugged me tight. “Honey, you’re stuck with me. We’ve been through too much already…you’re not getting rid of me THAT easily!” I smiled and snuggled into her embrace, sighing deeply. I still wasn’t thrilled about the whole nude business, but at least we’d been able to talk about it, which made me feel better. I knew my feelings were way out of proportion for the situation, but I guess it was just one of those things couples have to deal with. Settling into bed, my feelings of panic receded as I felt Jordan’s naked body against mine. She was behind me, her arms around me, and I could feel her warm breath on the back of my neck and her breasts against my back. I turned to face her, running my fingers lightly over her face and down her side. “Kate?” she murmured sleepily, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “Shhh,” I said softly, my hand now moving up her body and finding her breast. She hummed in her throat at my touch, my thumb rubbing her nipple until it became erect. With her eyes still closed, she shifted onto her back, allowing me to have full access to her delicious body. I propped myself up on one elbow and gently caressed her skin with my fingertips, all along her collarbones, down to her breasts, across her flat stomach, and finally between her legs. She arched her back and moved her legs apart as my fingers teased her soft hair, then slid down to find the wetness there. I gently rubbed the outside of her lips, teasing her a little longer, until she moaned and put her hand over mine, pushing me into her. I watched her as I played with her, touching her only in that one spot, remembering how it had felt to have her fingers sliding in and out of me at the party. Her eyes were still closed, but her mouth was open as she began to breathe faster, and I changed the motion of my hand to match her breathing. She began to make little noises in her throat, the noises that had always driven me crazy. I leaned over to kiss her, and as our tongues met, I slid two fingers inside her and began moving them in and out, slowly at first, then moving faster as she wrapped her arms tightly around me. I could tell she was about to come by the way she was pulling me closer to her, so I moved faster inside her, rubbing her clit with my thumb at the same time. Within seconds, I felt her tighten around my fingers as she came, and she cried out as her body pulsed and throbbed. Afterward, I held her in my arms as we both drifted off to sleep, and the last thing I remember hearing her say was, “I love you, my Katie.” To be continued… The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 11 A few weeks after the party, I came home late from rehearsal, my neck and shoulders aching. I was exhausted beyond anything I’d ever felt before. The apartment was dark and quiet when I walked in, and I experienced a tiny stab of guilt at the relief I felt when I remembered Jordan telling me in the morning that she’d be working late and would probably stay at her loft tonight. I was looking forward to a long, hot, steamy bath and a nice soft bed to fall into. I loved Jordan dearly; sometimes her energy level was enough to make a room feel pretty crowded. Besides, she was deeply involved in her project with Marta, spending long hours shooting at the studio and even longer hours in her darkroom. My initial misgivings about Jordan’s project had taken a back seat to the mental and emotional energy I was putting into my rehearsals. The symphony was preparing to go on tour, and as guest soloist I was being billed as the top attraction. Although most of me was thrilled to death at this opportunity to get my name known outside the small musical circles in which I traveled, there was a tiny part of me that was terrified at the prospect. Jordan, who took her growing popularity completely in stride and seemed unfazed by it, could not understand why I was so wound up about the upcoming tour. As far as she was concerned, the more people that knew about and appreciated her work, the better. She didn’t seem to understand that her work was completely her own in a way mine would never be. When I tried to explain this to her, her reply invariably was, “Hey, it’s YOUR interpretation of the music that people love, Kate. Sure, the music has been around for hundreds of years, but it’s YOUR heart and soul people want to hear.” I agreed with her in principle, but the thing that amazed me about Jordan’s work was that it was totally unique, completely created by her and her vision. She could hide her shortcomings; all she had to do was throw the bad shots away and try again. It was different for me. Music people are very particular about how the music of the masters is interpreted, and I only have one shot at getting it right every performance. If there was any source of friction between Jordan and me, that was it. I checked messages and smiled when I heard Jordan’s voice, reminding me she’d be at her loft for the night. I thought briefly about calling her back, but decided it could wait until after my bath. I figured she was probably in the darkroom anyway and wouldn’t answer the phone. I started the water, lit a few candles, and walked into the bedroom to take my clothes off, then went back to the bathroom and sank gratefully into the steaming water. I could feel the heat start working on my tired muscles immediately, my eyes closing at the warmth surrounding me. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I was completely asleep, so I forced myself to stay awake until the water started getting cold, then got out, dried off, and climbed naked into bed. I must have fallen asleep the second my head hit the pillow, because the next thing I knew, I awakened to a soft feathery touch on my shoulder. In my exhausted state, I could barely get my eyes open, and I was half-convinced I was having a dream. “Kate?” Jordan whispered. I was lying on my left side, facing away from her, so I turned over onto my back and saw her looking down at me, smiling. “Hey there,” I mumbled, stretching and reaching up to touch her face. “Am I awake?” “I certainly hope so,” she said, leaning down to kiss me. I could taste alcohol on her breath, probably Guinness (which she knew I hated, but for some reason I loved it when I tasted it on her lips). “I thought you were staying at your place tonight,” I said, turning to snuggle into her. “Well, I was going to, but I decided to take a break and went out for a drink with Marta. I couldn’t stop thinking about you so I came home,” she said, leaning down to kiss me again. I could feel the urgency in the way she kissed me, her tongue probing into me, and my body responded to her in spite of how tired I was. “Mmmm that’s nice to hear,” I murmured somewhat breathlessly, ignoring the way my stomach dropped at the thought of her at a bar with Marta. Her kisses had moved from my lips down to the hollow of my throat, and then down to my breasts. I put my arms around her, noting in the back of my mind that she still had her clothes on, smelling the cigarette smoke in her hair and the beer on her breath, but then I moaned, her touch as always setting fire to every part of my body and sending everything else right out of my mind. She moved to lie on top of me, her shirt and jeans still on, and I put my hands in her hair as she kissed me deeply, her body rubbing up and down against mine. The rough fabric of her jeans sent sparks through me as she rubbed my bare skin, and I slid my hands down her back and into her jeans. She pulled back and looked into my eyes as she slowly began to thrust her hips into me, grinning when she saw the look on my face as I felt a strange hardness between her legs and a leather strap down the back of her jeans. “Jordan, what…?” I began, but she bent down and kissed me again, then took one of my hands and slid it between us, between her legs. I gasped at what I felt there…the unmistakable outline of a very large erection. She kept moving her hips into me, keeping my hand on the hardness there until I started rubbing it on my own. After a few minutes of this, I moved my hand and spread my legs wider apart so she could settle into me more comfortably, and I gasped as her erection began rubbing directly against my clit. The hardness of it combined with the rough feel of the fabric was almost enough to send me right through the roof. Jordan began to moan, and I realized that she had probably positioned her new toy so that she could feel it against her own clit, so I wrapped my legs around her and pulled her in tighter. “You like this?” she whispered in my ear, still moving her hips back and forth. “Yes,” I whispered back. “Me too,” she said, breathing faster. “Jordan,” I whispered. “Yes, my love?” “I want you inside me,” I said. “Oh god, YES,” she groaned, then sat up and started fumbling with the buttons on her jeans while I unbuttoned her shirt and helped strip her naked. I saw then that the leather strap I’d felt was part of the harness she was wearing, and I stared in fascination at the very realistic dildo she had protruding in front of her. She looked at me, her jade eyes dark with lust, then pushed me down and got between my legs again. My own breathing had grown ragged while helping her strip, and I watched as she took the dildo in her hand and began to stroke it. “Have you ever done this before?” she asked hoarsely. “Only with a real one,” I replied, and she looked confused for a moment. “Oh,” she said, nodding. “Paul.” “I don’t want to think about Paul right now, Jordan. I want you inside me,” I said, sitting up and reaching for her. She pushed my hands away and made me lie back again, then leaned forward on her knees until the tip of the dildo was touching me, then she started rubbing it against my clit. I gasped and arched my back, but she pulled away again and kept just the tip on me. I cried out in frustration, but she stayed where she was and kept teasing me. “What do you want, Katie?” she asked, an impish grin on her face. “You know what I want,” I gasped, trying to raise my hips up so her erection would be inside me. “Tell me,” she whispered, moving back and still rubbing the tip of the dildo on my clit. “Ohhh Jordan,” I groaned. “I want you inside me…please baby…” She leaned closer and slid the tip of the erection inside me, then back out again, but would go no further. I could feel my pussy contracting, wanting so badly to feel that hardness thrusting in and out of me. “Katie, tell me what you want,” she whispered again. “Tell me, say it…say the words.” “Jordan…I…,” I gasped, my hips moving toward her of their own accord. “Come on baby, tell me what you want,” Jordan insisted, and finally I could take it no more. “Fuck me, Jordan,” I said through gritted teeth, grabbing her arms and wrapping my legs around her. “Please…I want you to fuck me…ohhh yesss.” She gave a small cry and slid smoothly inside me, our naked bodies finally meeting full length as she began to move in and out of me. Her arms were cradling my head and our lips met in a frantic kiss as she filled me the way no woman had ever filled me before. Her thrusts were deep, touching places inside me and triggering pleasurable spasms that seemed to course through my entire body. My legs were wrapped around her waist, and I could feel the muscles of her ass clenching as she began to move faster. She moved her head so that my face was notched in the hollow of her throat, and I could taste the saltiness of her skin when I licked her there. My body seemed to gather into itself as I began to come, and I raked my nails over Jordan’s back and down to her ass, feeling like I wanted to scream as my pleasure mounted. Jordan looked down at me, right into my eyes, and watched my face as my orgasm surged through me, my pussy contracting and squeezing the erection inside me. “Ohh my GOD,” I cried out as my body arched, then went limp as all the strength drained out of me. Jordan moved her hips slowly, riding the waves as spasms went through my body, the aftershocks of a truly powerful orgasm. Slowly, she withdrew the dildo from inside me, then settled down next to me and held me in her arms while our breathing returned to normal. “Holy SHIT,” I said, when I was finally able to talk again. “What in the world came over you?” She laughed and kissed my hair, her right hand lazily caressing my body from the top of my pubic hair to the space between my breasts. “Oh, it’s something I’ve been wanting to try for a while,” she replied, pulling me closer to her. “Well, GOD, what’s taken you so long?” I asked, and we both laughed. “I know, I know,” she said with a wry smile. “But to be honest, Kate, I didn’t know if you’d want to. I guess I’m not really sure how deep your wild streak runs.” “Well, there’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?” I asked, kissing the side of her neck. She shivered, then looked into my eyes. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I turned on my side so our bodies were full length against each other again, and I laughed when I felt the dildo poke me in the stomach. “Think you might want to take that off so we can go to sleep?” I asked. Jordan looked chagrined as she sat up and unstrapped the harness, sliding it off and dropping it onto the floor. She slid back in bed next to me, and our legs entwined comfortably as we settled into each other’s arms. “So, you think you might want to do that again, Kate?” she asked, and I could almost feel her holding her breath. “Oh yeah,” I said, “on one condition.” “What’s that?” “Next time, I get to wear it,” I said, and drifted off to sleep hearing Jordan’s pleased chuckle in my ear. The phone was ringing, and after about ten rings I hung up in frustration. I’d been trying to get hold of Jordan for about an hour, but there was still no answer. I stood up and paced around my hotel room, feeling like a caged animal. I’d called both our apartments and her cell phone, but had no luck anywhere. I was at a hotel in San Francisco, the last stop of the tour I was on with the symphony. We’d been touring for about a month, and had one more performance left before we headed home. To say I was more than ready to have this tour finished was an understatement. In addition to being exhausted, I missed Jordan terribly. Even though we’d spoken every night since I left, being away from her was extremely difficult – at least for me. I knew Jordan was in full work mode, and I could tell when I talked to her that, even though she DID miss me, she was anxious to get back to what she was working on. She had promised me, though, that she would be finished in time for us to go on a much-needed vacation once I returned. At this point, there was nothing I was looking forward to more. I glanced at the clock and saw that I had a few minutes before the tour bus left for the symphony hall, so I tried Jordan once more. Still no luck. Stifling worry, I gave up and checked my suit once more in the mirror, then headed down to the lobby to meet the rest of the orchestra. The manager had told me I was more than welcome to take a cab rather than ride the bus, but I had made several very good friends in the orchestra during the course of the tour and found that riding with them relaxed me more than riding by myself. I met Laurie downstairs, and she could tell right away that something was bothering me. “What’s up?” she asked, hugging me. “Oh, it’s really nothing. I just can’t seem to get hold of Jordan,” I said, trying to disguise the concern in my voice. Jacob overheard and came wandering over, chucking me on the shoulder like he always did in lieu of a hug. “What’s that? Jordan is missing in action?” Laurie glared at him and hit him on the shoulder, and he looked at her, confused. “What? What did I say?” he asked, rubbing his shoulder. “She’s really worried, Jacob. Don’t be such an insensitive clod,” Laurie said in exasperation. “Hey, Kate, I’m sorry,” he said apologetically. “I was only kidding.” “No, no, it’s okay,” I sighed, turning to head for the bus. “I’m sure she just got caught up working and didn’t hear the phone.” The bus ride to the symphony hall was by far the liveliest we’d had on the whole tour. Everyone was excited about going home tomorrow, so the noise level was a bit higher than usual. I sat next to Laurie, looking out the window and not saying much. She left me alone for a while, then turned and said, “Hey.” I looked over at her. She had a look of concern on her face, and it hit me suddenly what a really good friend she had become. “I know, I know – stop worrying. It’s just not like her to not be around when she knows I’m going to call,” I said. “Well, like you said, she probably was where she couldn’t hear the phone. Plus, you’ve told me yourself how she gets so absorbed in things that she’s in her own world,” she said reassuringly. “I know you’re right,” I said, taking a deep breath and trying to clear my head. “Besides, you’ll be home tomorrow night,” Laurie said, squeezing my arm gently. “You can give her hell then.” I laughed and nodded, finally feeling better. The rest of the bus ride passed quickly after I stopped brooding and set my mind to the task at hand. It was typical for us to arrive at the concert hall roughly two hours before a performance. This gave everyone time to get settled, put instruments together, take care of any last minute repairs, get tuned up, and generally prepare for the evening. As the guest soloist I was usually given my own dressing room, which gave me the time I needed to go through the music I was about to play. At about a half hour until curtain time, there was a knock on my door. Thinking it was probably Laurie, I called, “Come in!” but didn’t bother to look up from the score I was studying. The door opened, and I said, “Well, come on in, for Pete’s sake,” still not looking up. “Kate?” said a shockingly familiar voice. I looked up slowly and saw Kelly standing in the doorway. “Kelly? Oh my god,” I said weakly. I could feel the blood drain from my face as I sat there staring at her. “Hi,” she said, still standing in the open doorway. Seeing her, after all this time, was what I imagined seeing someone presumed dead must be like. She looked wonderful, her hair longer and a little darker than it had been the last time I saw her. She was deeply tanned, making her hazel eyes stand out more than ever. My heart stopped, and I felt like all the wind had been knocked out of me. “What…what are you doing here?” I asked. “Can I come in?” she asked. “Oh…of course! Come in, come in,” I said, standing up and waving her to a chair. “Here, sit down.” She walked in, as graceful as ever, and sat down where I’d indicated. She was wearing a long, flowing black skirt and a silk teal blouse, and I noticed with a pang that she was wearing the thin silver chain I’d given her. I could smell her wonderful scent, and in a flash it brought back memories of us together, so viscerally powerful that I had to look away from her for a minute to compose myself. “Are you alright?” she asked. “Uh…yeah. I just didn’t…I mean, you’re the last person…I…uh,” I stammered. “I know. It’s probably unfair of me to pop in on you like this, but I wasn’t sure I’d be able to see you after the concert,” she said. I stared at her. “You knew we would be here?” “Well, of course,” she snorted. “It’s only been all over the arts pages, this being your first tour and everything.” I sat still, looking at her until she blushed and looked away. “Yes, I’ve been following your career,” she said softly. “It seems you’re making quite a name for yourself.” I was about to reply when there was a knock on the door, and Laurie poked her head in. “Kate, we…oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had company,” she said, looking first at Kelly, then at me. “It’s okay,” I said. “Laurie Weaver, meet Dr. Kelly Owens.” Laurie’s eyes widened and she shot a look at me, then recovered her senses and held out her hand for Kelly to shake. "It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Owens,” she said, then looked over at me with round eyes. “Maestro wants everyone ready to go in about five minutes, Kate. Just letting you know.” “Thanks. I’ll be there in a minute,” I said, amused at her reaction. I knew I was in for a grilling on the way home tomorrow. She left, saying goodbye to Kelly and closing the door. We looked at each other for a long moment, then I stood and said, “Well, I guess I’d better go,” and walked toward the door. She stopped me with a hand on my arm, and suddenly we were face to face. “Kel..,” I breathed, looking down at her hand. “Kate, wait. Please…I want to talk to you. I know you can’t right now, but can you please meet me after the concert? Please?” I looked at her, into the beautiful hazel eyes that I used to know so well, and knew I would be meeting her after the performance in spite of my misgivings. “Okay,” I said, sighing deeply, “where?” “I’ll meet you back here after, and we can take a cab to my place,” she replied, the relief evident in her voice. “Your place?” I asked, confused. “You live here?” “Yes. I moved here about a month after you…after we split up,” she said. I sighed. “Okay, Kelly. I’ll see you here after the concert.” “Thank you, Kate,” she said softly, letting go of my arm. “Thank you.” When I walked to the stage wings, Laurie was waiting for me, nearly dancing in her agitation. She grabbed me and pulled me into an alcove backstage. “Kate, what the hell?!” she asked, her fingers digging into my arm. “Jesus, Laurie, what?” I asked, prying her fingers off of me and holding her hand tightly. “That was…was her, wasn’t it? Your Kelly?” she said. “Yes,” I answered, “although she hasn’t been MY Kelly for a long time now.” “Well, what did she want?” “She…uh…she wants to talk to me,” I said reluctantly. “WHAT?” Laurie exclaimed. “Shhh! Keep your voice down!” I hissed as several people turned to look our way. “Sorry, sorry,” Laurie said, “but what do you mean, she wants to talk to you?” “That’s what she said. I’m meeting her in my dressing room after the concert, and we’re going to her place.” “You’re WHAT?” she asked loudly, glancing around as I shushed her again. “Are you insane?” I sighed, “Laurie, really, I can’t deal with this right now. Please, I’ve got to forget about all this and get my head into this concert, and so do you. We can talk about this later tonight or tomorrow, okay?” The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 11 She looked at me shrewdly. “Okay, but listen to me. Don’t go with her to her place. I have a feeling nothing good will come of it, Kate.” “I owe her that, Laurie. The way we left things…it wasn’t fair to her, and I owe her the chance to tell me whatever it is she’s going to tell me. Can’t you see that?” I said, pleading with her to understand. She shook her head, then started to go onstage to her place. “Just be careful,” she said over her shoulder as she walked off. “You and Jordan have been through enough.” The concert began, and I was extremely conscious of the fact that Kelly was in the audience, listening to every note I played. Even as I felt myself falling deeper into the music I was playing, I could still feel her presence out there. With a huge effort, I banished all thoughts of Kelly and Jordan from my head and let the music take over, and before I knew it, we were taking our bows and the curtain was closing. I could hear the murmuring of the audience on the other side of the curtain as the other musicians surrounded me, offering their congratulations, and the conductor came over and gave me a somewhat sloppy kiss on my cheek. Apparently, he’d already started in on the after-performance drinks. I caught a glimpse of Laurie watching me, then I said my goodbyes and headed back to my dressing area to wait for Kelly. She was already there by the time I got there, fidgeting and restless. The look of relief on her face told me immediately that she had been afraid I wouldn’t show up. “Are you ready?” she asked nervously. “Just let me get my bag out of here, then we can go,” I answered, my heart beginning to flutter in my throat. I walked past her into the room, gathered my things, then followed her out to where a cab was waiting. To be continued… The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 12 Patient readers: Thank you once again for your kind emails and encouragement. Here, finally, is the last chapter of the Kate Shaw series. I hope you like it. * Her body moved underneath me, hands tangled in my hair as I teased her clit with the tip of my tongue. I could hear her moaning, feel her hips thrusting up to me, could hear her begging me for more, but I kept pulling my head back so the tip of my tongue was barely touching her clit, flicking her lightly. Her back arched and her hands tightened in my hair, but I didn't stop teasing her. I had her pussy lips spread open wide with one hand, giving me complete access to her, and it was driving her crazy. "Ohhhh my GOD, Kate..." she moaned loudly, her breath coming in harsh gasps as she worked to move her hips up to me, "Katie please, please, please," she begged. I slid my tongue more firmly onto her clit, covering her from bottom to top with the strong flat of my tongue, and at the same time slid two fingers inside her warm wetness. The reaction of her body was incredible, and I could feel my own wetness along the insides of my legs as she cried aloud with pleasure. I moaned deep in my throat as I tasted her and slid my fingers in and out of her, my tongue now rapidly lapping at her hard wet clit. Her strong legs tightened against my shoulders as she began thrusting her hips up and down in rhythm with my fingers inside her, and my chin was soon covered in wetness from her warm pussy. I ate her with a fierceness that took me by surprise, my fingers sliding in deeper and deeper as I placed my mouth over her clit and devoured her. I wanted all of her, couldn't get enough of her, wanted to climb inside her and fuck her all night. She cried my name out loud as she came, her pussy sealed against my mouth as I sucked on her until she had to push me away. I laid my head on her leg and gently trailed my hand up and down the inside of her other leg as she gasped for breath, her arms and legs limp with exhaustion. "Are you okay?" I asked, turning and lightly kissing the inside of her knee. She shivered and jumped at the feel of my lips on her, then mumbled something inaudible. "What?" I asked, laughing at her. "I said, come up here, damn it," she replied, flopping one hand up and then back down again. I grinned, sliding up next to her and putting my arm over her, resting my hand between her breasts. I could feel her heart racing, could see her pulse beating in the vein at the side of her neck. I kissed her shoulder and snuggled up next to her, reaching up to brush a lock of hair off her forehead. "You're all sweaty, love," I said, lifting my head and kissing her temple. "Mmmm," she mumbled, sighing deeply. "Well, you gave me quite a workout, what do you expect?" I snuggled in closer, my hand sliding down her taut stomach and back up, raising goose bumps on her flesh. I noticed that her nipples were erect again, and I moved my hand to her right breast, lightly stroking, then gently rolling her nipple between my fingers. "Kate, Jesus," she breathed, taking a hand and placing it over mine. "What?" I asked innocently. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?" she asked. "What you have ALWAYS done to me?" I slid further down and began kissing the side of her breast, moving so her arm was around me and on my back. Her other hand was pressing my hand into her breast, the nipple right in the center of my palm, and I could feel the hand on my back tighten as I took her other nipple into my mouth. "Ohhh god," she moaned, arching her back and pressing her nipple into my mouth. "God, Kate, sweet Katie...yes...yes, keep doing that, baby," My heart was pounding, and her nails were digging into my back. Her erect nipple was between my teeth and I flicked it with my tongue, then sucked on her as hard as I could while rolling her other nipple around in my fingers. "Oh my god, you feel so good, baby," I said, sitting up a little to shift position. "I love doing this to you." I moved so I was lying alongside her, then bent down and took her nipple in my mouth again, sliding my free hand down between her legs at the same time. I gasped when I felt how incredibly wet she was, and she moaned loudly and spread her legs open wider so I could reach her easier. I stretched a leg over her and pulled her leg between mine, nearly crying out at the feel of my own wet, slick pussy against her leg. I tightened up and could feel my clit begin to rub against her, and I began to move my hips back and forth in rhythm with my stroking her clit. She was moaning even louder now, holding my head tightly to her breast and moving her hips in time with me. The rhythm of our lovemaking was incredible to me, how we always seemed to be in sync. It was something I had forgotten during our time apart from each other, and it was wonderful to rediscover. "Tell me what you want," I whispered, lifting my mouth off of her breast and looking up at her. "Go slow," she said, her voice low and husky. "Slow down and play with me, honey." I grinned and lowered my mouth to her nipple again, my fingers on her clit stroking more slowly as I lovingly explored every fold and ridge of her. I tightened and loosened my own legs, squeezing my clit against her leg as I stroked her. "My god, honey, I can feel how wet you are," she gasped, her hand reaching over to my head and tangling in my hair. "Mmmm," I hummed into her breast, my tongue flicking lightly over her nipple. Her fingers moved restlessly against me, in my hair and on my back, as her pleasure mounted. "Do you want to come like this, baby?" I asked, lifting my head again. "No," she said, looking into my eyes. I grinned. "What do you want? Tell me what you want me to do to you." She looked away, then back at me with a force that nearly knocked me over. "I want you to fuck me, Katie," she said, her eyes blazing into mine. "Oh GOD," I groaned, then rolled over on top of her and laid down on her full-length. I ground myself into her, feeling her hands dig into my back and her hips rise up to meet me. We kissed fiercely, both of us making noises in our throats, bodies working together as our passion rose. "Are you sure? Are you ready for this?" I asked, stopping to catch my breath and looking down at her. "I want this, baby. Please...please fuck me," she whispered. I lifted myself off of her and slid off the bed, then took the strap-on from the table by the bed and put it on. I looked into her eyes as I sat next to her, and she took the cock in her hand and stroked it lightly. I watched her, thinking that if I had been a man, her touch probably would have set me off pretty quickly. As it was, I was about to come unglued at the thought of sliding it inside her for the first time. I leaned down to kiss her and started to kneel between her legs, but she stopped me. I looked at her questioningly. "What's wrong, baby?" I asked. She said nothing, but sat up, then turned over so she was on her hands and knees, her butt in the air in front of me, her pussy glistening in the candlelight. "Baby?" I said, hardly able to breathe. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled, the most loving, trusting smile I have ever seen. "Take me this way," she said softly, then put her head back down on the pillow. I looked down at her, so open and vulnerable to me, and I felt a rush of love come over me so hard that I felt faint for a moment. I wondered how I could ever have felt doubt about my love for this woman. Moving in behind her, I slowly guided the tip of the cock into her waiting pussy. She gasped as I entered her, and once I was inside her, I put my hands on her hips and slowly, gently, went deeper inside her. She moaned and pushed back against me, and I lost every last ounce of self-control. "Oh, honey," I moaned, thrusting faster and harder, her gasps and cries lighting a fire inside me. I wrapped one arm around her waist and bent over her, pulling her into me as my hips moved back and forth. I felt something on my arm, then moaned when I realized she had reached back and was touching herself. "Oh my god," I said breathlessly. I covered her hand with mine, feeling her fingers move on her own clit, then pushed her hand aside and spread her lips open, stroking her clit with my middle finger as I continued to thrust in and out of her. I could see the sweat glistening on her back, could feel the tautness of her body as I held her and stroked her. She was moaning more loudly now, and she placed her hand over mine and forced my finger harder onto her clit. "Fuck me, Kate," she gasped, her breath ragged and uneven. "Come on, baby, fuck me hard." The sound of her voice and the words she said went through me like a bolt of lightning, and I felt like a wild animal as I pounded into her. She came suddenly, with a loud cry that sounded almost primitive in its emotion. Gasping, I leaned forward and rested my head on her back, not willing to slide out of her yet. My arms were around her, and I could feel the muscles in her stomach move as she breathed. Afraid of hurting her, I sat up and slowly pulled out of her, then gently moved her onto her side. She laid there, eyes closed, still panting. "Are you okay, baby?" I asked, leaning over her. She opened one eye and smiled at me, then closed her eye and let out a huge sigh. "Kate, I have missed you so much," she said. I lay down next to her, propped up on my elbow. I gently brushed strands of hair off of her forehead and kissed her, then said, "I've missed you, too, Jordan. That fucking month felt like a YEAR, away from you." She smiled again and reached out for me. I slid out of the leather harness and dropped the strap-on to the floor next to the bed, then snuggled up next to her and put my arms around her. Within a few minutes, Jordan was sleeping deeply. Shortly after that, I joined her. The next day, we both slept in. I was exhausted from the tour, and she had been working feverishly on her project with Marta, wanting to have it completed by the time I returned. As promised, she had a vacation planned for us, but hadn't yet had a chance to tell me where we were going. Not surprising, considering that I had attacked her the moment I walked through the front door. I stretched languidly, reveling in the luxury of being in my own bed with Jordan after a month of sleeping alone, in hotel rooms. Feeling me begin to stir, Jordan turned to face me, her feline grin making the corners of her mouth curve up. "Hello," she said, her voice rough and husky with sleep. Her hair was tousled, her eyes startlingly green against the white of the sheets. "Hello, yourself," I said, reaching out to brush a lock of hair from her forehead. She took my hand, turning my palm toward her mouth and kissing it. My stomach flipped, and I grinned with amusement at the effect she still had on me. "What?" she murmured, scooting closer and kissing the inside of my wrist, her strong hand gently wrapped around me. "How is it that you can make me so hot for you, just by kissing me?" I asked, feeling the warmth begin to spread inside me. "Do I make you hot for me?" she asked with feigned innocence, continuing to kiss the inside of my wrist and forearm. "God, woman!" I exclaimed, pulling my arm back and turning to face away from her, wrapping myself up in the blankets. With a roar, Jordan climbed on top of me, trying to pull the blankets away. I laughed and held on tighter, until finally she found a ticklish spot and managed to fling the covers off of me. "Shit, it's COLD!" I gasped, trying to grab them and pull them back up. "Oh, no, you don't!" Jordan yelled, grabbing my arms and pinning me down to the bed. She was on top of me, holding my wrists down, looking at me with fire in her green eyes. I could feel her hair rubbing on my stomach, and I was hit with such a wave of desire that I nearly passed out. Jordan could tell I was getting aroused by the look on my face, and she slowly started to rub her body up and down on me, teasing me. I tried to move, but she was too strong. Her hands gripped me tightly, but with a gentleness that let me know she was not going to hurt me. Slowly, she moved her hands so our fingers were entwined, and she brought them down to my sides, still holding them. Her body was a beautiful piece of art in itself; slim, but taut and well formed. The desire I felt for her was enough to leave me breathless. "You are so beautiful," I breathed, moving my hips gently up and down. She smiled and let go of my hands, then leaned forward until she was stretched out full-length on top of me, our erect nipples rubbing together. She cradled my head in her arms and began to kiss me...slowly, gently, but with intensity. Our bodies moved together, as always, fitting like two pieces of a puzzle. My hands went to her back, feeling the muscles there, then up to her hair, pulling her into me. I ran my hands down her taut sides and over her back, feeling her body shiver with delight as I caressed her. She gently nudged my legs apart and settled between them, still kissing me, then slid one hand down between us and spread me open. I gasped into her mouth at her touch, and felt the corners of her mouth turn up as she grinned. "I love touching you like this," she breathed into me. My heart thudded and my pulse raced as she began to stroke my clit gently with one finger. "Ohh god," I moaned. "I love when you touch me like this." She grinned again and kept kissing me, her tongue probing my mouth gently. The feel of her finger on my slick, hard clit was maddening. She was barely touching me, teasing me, making me move my hips to meet her, then pulling away so the barest of contact was maintained. It was like being tickled with a feather, driving me crazy. "Jordan, for god's sake," I gasped, my back arching, my clit and pussy throbbing. "What, love?" she asked, still not touching me with anything but the tip of her finger. The intensity of her strokes was about to make me explode, and she knew it. She always knew exactly how to play my body. "God, Jordan, please stop teasing me like that," I gasped, throbbing even harder. She leaned down and kissed me, sliding her tongue into my mouth at the same time she slid her fingers inside me. I moaned and wrapped my legs around her, my hands digging into her back, as she started to fuck me with her hand. She was thrusting her hips back and forth as she moved her fingers in and out of me, and I came within seconds, a loud cry escaping me before I could stop myself. My orgasm hit with such intensity that things grayed out for a few seconds, and I came back to reality looking into Jordan's intense green eyes. "Holy shit," she breathed. "I thought I'd killed you!" I couldn't even speak, just smiled and drew in a deep breath, then let it out with a gust. She stretched out next to me and rested her hand on my stomach, watching me. "Are you okay?" she asked, her brow furrowed. I nodded and smiled again, my entire body feeling as if it was made of lead. I couldn't feel my legs, just my pussy tingling and my clit throbbing. "Water," I whispered, and Jordan got up to get me a glass. I sat up slowly and drank it, then laughed at the look of concern on her face. "I'm fine, honey," I said hoarsely. "Kate, you passed out!" she said defensively. "I did not, Jordan. That orgasm was just...very intense, that's all. I'm fine," I insisted. She finally smiled, then began to look pleased with herself. "Damn, I'm good," she said. I laughed and threw a pillow at her, then lay back down and stretched languidly. She snuggled in beside me and I put my arms around her, kissing the top of her head. I was almost asleep when Jordan jolted me awake by saying, "We haven't even had a chance to talk about your tour, baby." My stomach sank. "Later," I said, kissing the top of her head again. "We can talk about it later. I'm too tired just now." "As you wish, love," she said, then sleep overtook us. It was late afternoon the next time I woke up. Jordan was no longer sleeping beside me; I could hear her in the kitchen and smell something delicious cooking. I stretched, then with a sinking feeling remembered there was something we needed to talk about. With a sigh, I got out of bed and put on a t-shirt, then went out to the kitchen. I could smell eggs and bacon, and with a sickening jolt was reminded of the day I sat in this very kitchen, telling Kelly about Jordan and me. The similarities made me feel surreal, as if I was in a bad dream. I sat down at the table. "Jordan?" I said. "Yes, love?" she replied, her back to me as she stood at the stove. "Come here, I need to talk to you." She turned and looked at me, the grin on her face fading as she saw the look on my face. She turned off the stove and sat down across from me. "Kate? What is it?" she asked quietly. I sat there, then looked into her eyes and said, "I saw Kelly." Her head rocked back as if she'd been slapped. "What?" she asked. "I saw Kelly. In San Francisco." "I see," she said, then just sat there. She was quiet for a long moment, then she said, "What else?" "I stayed at her place the last night of the tour. Nothing happened, Jordan. I swear to you, nothing happened." She sat completely still, staring at me. "Then why tell me?" she asked. "Because I wanted you to know. I wanted you to know I saw her, and that we spent a long time together, talking." She sat quietly, looking down at her hands, then stood up and said, "Okay, thanks for telling me." She turned and went back to the stove, began flipping pieces of bacon over. I got up and stood next to her. "Honey, the burner isn't on," I said gently. "Oh. Right," she said, and I looked up in time to see her quickly wipe a tear from her cheek. "Jordan, honey," I said, taking her shoulders and turning her to face me, "NOTHING happened. Nothing." She looked at me with a vulnerability I hadn't seen before. "You promise?" she said in a small voice. "Jordan, of course I promise. I was as surprised to see her as you are that I'm telling you this, believe me. I had no idea she lived in San Francisco." "How did you find her?" Jordan asked, still in a small voice. "Baby, she found ME. She showed up in my dressing room the night of the last concert and asked me if she could talk to me after, and I told her I would. She asked me to go back to her place, and I did. She's living with someone, Jordan. She's very happily married to her partner, Cindy - who I met, by the way." "Then why did she want to talk to you?" Jordan asked. "We had unfinished business, honey. You know what that's like. She just needed to talk things through, once and for all. I think it was good for me, too," I said gently. She looked at me for a long time, a probing, searching look, and I could tell she desperately wanted to believe me, and yet was afraid to at the same time. I reached out for her, and, to my relief, she came into my arms. She rested her head on my shoulder, and I could feel her trembling when I wrapped my arms around her. "Kate, I can't lose you. Not again. I can't," she said, her voice muffled against my shoulder. "Who said anything about losing me? You haven't lost me, Jordan. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. Baby, talking with Kelly was so good, for both of us. It was good to see her happy, and she seems to be at peace with what happened between us. You know that's been bothering me for a very long time, and now I feel like I can let go of all of that. Kelly is really and truly happy, and so am I." We stood there for a while, and I finally felt the tension leave Jordan's body. She pulled back and looked deep into my eyes, the intensity of their jade color going right through me like they always did. She looked at me for a long moment, then leaned forward and kissed me, our bodies coming together as they always did, like two pieces of a puzzle fitting perfectly together. The Liberation of Kate Shaw Ch. 12 "Are you hungry?" she asked, her breath brushing softly against my ear. "Screw that," I said. "Let's go back to bed." She pulled back and laughed, throwing her head back, then grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bedroom with her. I knew then that my liberation was finally complete, and that I had found my way home. THE END