10 comments/ 153350 views/ 14 favorites Butterfly Spa By: alicia_boston The contents of this story are the sole possession of the author and may not be distributed or reprinted in any form without the written or electronic permission of the author. The story contains graphical descriptions of sex between consenting adults of the same sex. Please check with local laws before reading this story because it is not permitted to read this story in communities where such activities are prohibited by law. It is also prohibited for minors to read this story . (Alicia_boston) Comment and feedback are welcome. We had met by chance at a professional seminar. Ellen was the only other female in attendance at the seminar entitled “Correctly Analyzing Steel Futures: Evaluating the Impact of Weather on Far East Production”. Ho hum. Being the only two females of the 30 or so other attendees we smiled at each other from afar and found ourselves seated next to each other for much of the conference. Ellen Morneau was her name, and like myself, she worked for a securities investment house, she in NYC, and I, in Boston. She was petite, maybe 5’2”, with short neat black hair, and skin pale as alabaster, which set off her startling dark brown eyes in contrast. She dressed well, a white silk blouse under a Jones New York black business suit, nails: perfect. Married for 6 years, she was 32, no children, and living in New Jersey. We had a delightful two days together and I felt drawn to her, or maybe even stronger than that. I felt destined to be her friend. We had a lot in common, even beyond our similar careers. We found that we both liked to run, and swim, and preferred reading a good book over watching the latest sitcom. Ellen spoke with fondness of her grandparents cabin on a secluded lake in West Virginia where she would spend her summer months basking in the quietude of sultry summer nights and of memories of sitting on the dock with her foot in the cooling water. I spoke of the quiet cold of the winter nights I spent at my parents ski lodge in Maine as a child. The bitter cold night air would close in around you making the fire in the fireplace the only source of warmth and light. “Debbie, that sounds fantastic, although I’ll take my Virginia warm nights over your Maine freeze-your-ass-off nights any day.” We both laughed. “You know Ellen, as I get older I dislike the cold more and more. Plus, I love to be outdoors running or swimming. I don’t get up to Maine much anymore, plus with work and all, and Dan would like to start a family in the next year or two. Although, men make it sound like they are building a new shed when they talk about starting a family. They have no appreciation of what it is like for a woman to commit to that.” “I know what you mean. John and I just have too much going on in our careers to stop and take the break to commit to raising a family. Someday, just not now.” After spending two days together with Ellen I had to admit something to myself. I was sexually attracted to her. I’m no prude, and Dan, my husband, and I have a healthy and happy sex life. I wasn’t concerned about my feelings, I felt that really they were just a healthy, natural feeling of attraction to someone you wanted to bond with. The feelings were the desire for the intimacy of friendship to be extended beyond that, to the more physical intimacy of sexual desire. I thought about what it would like to be with a woman, and more particularly Ellen, sexually, and thought that under the right circumstances, I would probably find it pretty fulfilling. But like my girlhood crushes on Tom Cruise, this fantasy was safe, because the circumstances would never present themselves. Or so I thought. When the conference ended we exchanged emails, and hugs, and promised to stay in touch. From the feeling of an extra touch of pressure on the back when we hugged, I knew that she meant to stay in touch, and, in fact, we did. Over the next 6 months we exchanged emails and chatted on Messenger online occasionally. Two or three times we spoke on the phone. The conversations were pleasant, delightful actually. I found myself missing her company, and I sensed she felt the same way. The bond we created at the conference remained and grew over the subsequent months and I soon found myself sending her small gifts, butterflies actually. She had remarked on a beautiful butterfly at the conference, and from that time forward whenever I was passing through the gift shops at whichever airport I had been flying through, I looked for anything with butterflies on it. Sometimes it was just a refrigerator magnet, other times a pen, but always a butterfly. Ellen was always delighted to receive them, and I would get an immediate email letting me know how much she enjoyed the gift. And so 6 months became 8 months then 10 and our friendship grew. The sloe-eyed beauty had become my best friend. I told her everything, and shared my dreams, pain, and joy with her over those few months. In early August, Ellen called me very excited to speak with me. “Deb, c’mon, my grandparents cabin by the lake, the one I told you about, is free next weekend. Let’s hang out together and have a girls weekend, it’s so quiet and secluded.” My heart jumped. A weekend with Ellen sounded wonderful. “God Ellen, that sounds fantastic, just us, sort of like a spa weekend for two.” “So can you come?” she was almost pleading. “I’m in. Let’s call it the Butterfly Spa Weekend. Wine allowed of course.” I laughed. “Oh yes,,,by the vat. I’m so glad you said yes. I really want to see you again.” I let that hang in the air a few seconds, it sounded so nice. “Just tell me when and where, girl.” ---------------------------- The weekend couldn’t come fast enough. As the date grew nearer the weather reported that it would be a hot, muggy summer weekend. Perfect. I was looking forward to warm evening runs followed by a swim in the lake. When I landed at the airport my body was trembling with excitement. I almost knocked the flight attendant out of the way as I made my way off the airplane. I saw her, or felt her, almost immediately as I entered the terminal. Ellen was on her tip-toes straining to see up the jetway, and I saw that expectant smile on her face, exactly as I had remembered it. We threw our arms around each other. I could feel the warmth of her body through the sundress she had on. She felt so wonderful. I didn’t want to break my hold on her. I wanted to feel her warmth against me, let the scent of her perfume fill my senses. This felt so right, to be hugging her. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. “Look at you,” she smiled. “You look like you are ready for vacation.” She beamed. I had worn my favorite wide-brimmed straw hat, and a simple taupe linen shift dress, snug at the hips, then slim down to my mid-calf. I am taller than Ellen, almost 5’8”, and my shoulder length brown hair flowed out from my hat over the dress’s spaghetti straps on my shoulders. “I feel ready,” I laughed, ”for my vacation at the “Butterfly Spa.” She laughed and we held hands as we walked out of the airport and into the warm, humid, West Virginia afternoon. It was an hour’s drive from the airport to the cabin, and we talked about the trip, and about how good it was to be together again. Mostly we kept saying how we couldn’t believe we were together again for a few days, and how much fun it would be to get caught up. As she drove I kept looking over to her. I was really surprised how strongly I felt attracted to her physically after seeing her again. I think since I had gotten over the first shock of feeling sexually attracted to her, over the past few months I had grown more comfortable with it, or maybe that wasn’t exactly the right way to put it. I think I had enjoyed thinking of her sexually as part of my own thoughts or fantasies. But now that I was with her again physically I was stunned how strongly I felt attracted to her. I looked over at her as she drove, eyeing her delicate, yet strong fingers as they gripped the wheel of the car. Her eyes, those dark coal eyes, were lively, darting glances over the road, the horizon, and occasionally over to me. The skin on her face was perfect, almost creamy smooth, trailing down her neck. Her arms were toned. She worked out. I could see the curve of her breast through the arm-hole of her dress as she drove. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and the soft flesh rose and fell enticingly as the car bounced over the country road. The yellow cotton dress was bunched at her hips leaving her legs exposed to the mid thigh. Her legs were spread, a foot on the gas pedal, and another against the door. She looked carefree, comfortable, and sexy. “Are you even listening to me?” I looked at her puzzled. “Oh my god, Ellen, I’m so sorry, I’m just so happy to be with you again.” With that she looked at me and her smile radiated her inner happiness. Her hand came off the wheel and clutched mine in hers next to my thigh. We didn’t say another word, just enjoyed the warm breezes coming through the windows. The cabin was adorable. A small two-bedroom affair 100 feet from the water’s edge; it was perfect in its seclusion. Coombskille Lake is small, and Ellen told me that there were only two other houses on the lake, clear around the point and out of sight. Ellen showed me my room, overlooking the west edge of the pond. Her room was larger, overlooking the lake, with large screened windows and a fan, slowly churning. The bathroom was amazing. The size of the bathroom was equal to my room. It had a large claw toed copper tub that dominated the center of the room. You could easily fit two, I thought to myself. “I love it Ellen. This is really charming.” “Well, we’ll enjoy it later, get ready, it’s time for a run. Go get changed”, and off she went. I squealed with delight, and tore my luggage open. I loosed the straps of my dress, letting if fall off my shoulders and pool at my feet. I pulled on a white jogging bra, and simple black lycra shorts. I stepped out onto the porch where I found Ellen already stretching. She smiled over at me, leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. “We are going to have so much fun.” We never saw another person, or car out on the country roads as we ran. Ellen begged me to slow down at times, “Hey, my legs are shorter.” I never did slow, and she never fell behind. We finished our 8 miles in the early evening heat of West Virginia. As we walked around the back of the cabin I looked at Ellen in her yellow jogging top, and matching yellow shorts. Her skin glistened with sweat, her muscular legs taut. As we neared the pond, Ellen surprised me by reaching up and pulling her top up over her breasts and over her head. She looked at me as I stared slack-jawed at her breasts, perfect in their shape, and size I thought. They were full, and slightly up-turned at the olive colored nipple. She smiled, “Come on, let’s go for a swim.” It all seemed so natural for her as she slipped her shorts off and glided down the dock, diving into the dark waters of the lake with the grace and appearance of a swan, white against the black surface. She broke the surface in a long backstroke twenty-five feet from the dock. “Hey, c’mon, “ she yelled back at me, “it’s beautiful.” It was an awkward moment for me, but as I looked at her, the absolute wonder of here face, and the energy she exuded, I mentally relaxed and reached for the underside of my jogging bra. I pulled it over my head and looked out again at Ellen in the water. She was openly looking at me, smiling. “Whoo hoo, go girl.” I had another moment of nervousness as I realized that she was not going to afford me any privacy by the courtesy of even looking away. She was still staring at me as I rolled my lycra shorts off my legs. I now stood only in my thong panties and the temptation to run into the bushes and hide was overwhelming. But as I looked over at Ellen I could see she wasn’t embarrassed at all, and in fact was looking at me with what I thought was a look of expectation. I could easily leave the thong on and just dive off the dock and in, but Ellen hadn’t done that. She was nude as moved languidly threw the water. In one swift movement I removed my panties, and tossed them onto the pile of my clothes. I closed my eyes for a moment, encouraging myself to move with the confidence I didn’t really have. I had nothing to be ashamed of in terms of my body. My breasts are a b-cup, which look a bit bigger on my lean frame, but even at 32 everything seemed to be holding firm. My belly was still flat, and the running kept my legs in shape. Ten paces and a less-than-graceful dive later, I joined Ellen in the cool, clean water. It felt wonderful to be nude in the water. As I moved through the water I felt it envelop me. It was a natural feeling. I swam over to where Ellen was treading water and we smiled at each other. “Isn’t this great Deb? It’s so relaxing to be here with you.” “I didn’t know how much I needed this until right now.” I said. “I feel like I don’t have a care in the world.” I leaned back into a back-float and took a breath to float and look up at the sky. Immediately the water closed around me and I sank like a stone. I came up sputtering to the sound of Ellen laughing hysterically at me. “You must be used to the ocean. Fresh water has less buoyancy then salt water. It’s harder to float and stuff. Here, try again, I’ll help you, but you have to take a bigger breath and really arch your back out.” She moved in next to me and I could feel her hand on the small of my back. I took a deep breath again and arched my back out over the water. As I did, I could feel her hands at the small of my back, the top of my buttocks, and between my shoulder blades. She gently lifted me in the water until I was completely horizontal. I could feel the cool evening air on my breasts as they broke the surface of the water and remained exposed. I knew that my nipples must have become hard in the cool breeze and the thought of Ellen looking at them made my temperature rise slightly. What really made it hard to hold my breath was the feeling of Ellen’s fingers on my back. Her fingertips were applying the slightest of pressure at the top of my buttocks. Her other hand applied support between my shoulder blades. For three or four minutes I lay in her arms in the water, enjoying the sensation of the water and her hands holding me. At one point, as she was adjusting pressure to my bottom I felt my hips emerge from the water, and for a brief moment my pubis was exposed to the cool evening air. Intentional? Whenever I opened my eyes to look at Ellen, she was always looking at me with that same “nothing to hide” smile. I exhaled my final breath and let myself slide beneath the warm surface of the water. I turned to Ellen and, quite unexpectedly, hugged her. “Thanks Ellen, that was so great.” I could feel her tense initially and then relax in my embrace. I was conscious of our breasts touching, and our thighs as we hugged. I felt a heat in my chest. I was so attracted to her, which was fine, because I knew we wouldn’t be sexual with each other. We were both straight and married. So it felt fine to be nude and hugging each other, because we were secure in our friendship. Right? “Well, consider this your first hydrotherapy treatment for our spa weekend. Okay?” she said with that irrepressible energy. “I can’t wait for my next treatment.” I said. “Well, you don’t have too. C’mon, grab your stuff, let’s have a body scrub.” I looked at her quizzically as she walked out of the water and gathered her things into her arms and proceeded to walk up to the cabin. I hadn’t noticed the latticework closet off to the side of the cabin. I could see now that it was an outdoor shower. Not the rustic single spigot, cold-water only affair I remember from my youth. This was a large space, surrounded by elegant woodwork and bordered by hanging flowers and vines on all sides. There were three large, circular showerheads suspended from the ceiling, which resembled a combination of an arbor and grape trellis. When Ellen turned the water on, the spray covered all of the leaves of the plants and the scent from the flowers was overpowering. It was breathtaking, like being in a garden in a warm summer rain. “C’mon Deb, there’s plenty of room.” Ellen seemed completely unselfconscious of being with me naked, and her feeling was becoming contagious. I was losing my own inhibitions about being naked with her, as well as observing her nakedness. She stepped under the warm spray and I followed her. Letting the warm water cascade over my hair and down my body. After a moment or two Ellen moved to a small cabinet and removed a small milky colored container. “Sea salt scrub. Here, turn around.” I turned my back to her and I soon felt here hands applying a sandpaper- like lotion to my back and shoulders. “It will remove all the city grime from us, “ she laughed. Her hands continued to apply the scrub to my shoulders, back, arms, and then my lower back. She didn’t hesitate at all when she came to my buttocks. Her hands deftly moved over my buttocks and down to my thighs, calves and feet. After the initial application of the scrub her hands would vigorously rub the scrub into my skin. It felt like a liquid sandpaper on me, it felt wonderful. After she had finished with my feet she stepped in closer behind me, and I felt her hands come up to my neck. Again, she applied the scrub, and a bit more gentle rub. Her hands came down from the hollow of my neck, and then along my shoulder blades. I was beginning to wonder how far this was going to go, when I felt her hands gently slide down and spread the scrub over my breasts and nipples. My heart skipped a beat, and Ellen, whose breasts I could now feel gently pressed into my back, stopped. “Oh I’m so sorry, I should have asked first if you were comfortable with me applying the scrub like that. I wasn’t even thinking.” “Oh c’mon Ellen, it’s fine. With you, I’m not self-conscious.” A lie. She didn’t wait for me to finish another sentence before I felt her hands again on my breasts, massaging the scrub into them, and then down along my belly. “Deb, you have an awesome body. I wish I were taller like you.” “Oh please, you keep in great shape. It’s hard work for both of us.” “Okay, get under the water: rinse time.” I stepped under the warm falling spray and I closed my eyes. Ellen’s hands were on me again, rinsing away the salt scrub. Her hands ran lightly over my breasts, cupping each, gently lifting so he water would rinse away any scrub on the underside of my breast. I shuddered, but I don’t think she noticed. “You’re turn.” I said as I reached for the container of sea salt. I felt strange about what I was about to do, but I was feeling an openness, and exhilaration that I hadn’t felt before. It didn’t feel sexual to me, it felt liberating. My body was tingling from the intimacy of being with Ellen in a completely open way. It wasn’t a charged sexual feeling at all, but more of an energizing feeling that comes with the realization of how full life can be. As Ellen had done, I applied the sea-salt scrub to her back, rubbing it into her shoulders and down along the small of her back. I crouched and massaged another palm full of lotion into her bottom and the back of her thighs. I had to admit, I enjoyed touching her, the smoothness, the taut muscles of her thighs in contrast to the soft flesh of her bottom. I could have sworn I heard her moan slightly, but that was to be expected given the soothing feeling of the massage on her muscles. I stood up and closed in behind her and began to massage her neck, and collar bone. Her head lolled back against my shoulder, and her body rested against me. My fingers worked down her neck, and then, as my heart pounded in my chest, over the tops of her breasts. It felt wonderful to touch her, and somehow, it felt “right”. It felt totally natural to cover her breasts with my hands, my fingers playing over her nipples. My hands slipped to the undersides of her breasts and I cupped them, feeling their soft weight in my hands. For a moment I held her, and held her breasts, and then I realized what I was doing, and I assumed a clinical pose, and quickly finished rubbing her body with the sea salt scrub. I could have sworn that I heard her sharp intake of breath as I touched her. I quickly, and silently, rinsed her. As I washed her with warm water I couldn’t help but notice the hardness of her nipples. They stood out like fingertips on her breasts, perhaps the water had stimulated them. Butterfly Spa I had to get out of that shower. I was completely flushed, and admittedly aroused at this point. What was I doing? What was she doing? I turned quickly and grabbed a towel, covering myself and moving towards the back door. Ellen was quickly behind me, and I held the screen door open for her to let her follow. She did, smiling that innocent, open smile at me, seemingly oblivious to my panicked state. She passed by me with the towel wrapped around her waist, her breasts exposed and looking beautiful in their natural state. Ellen’s comfort with her own nakedness made me feel embarrassingly naked. “Let’s fix some food, I’m starving.” She headed to her room. “That was so good, I feel so refreshed now. Thank you so much.” “Ok, who is cooking tonight, anyway?” “Let’s do something easy together, something that goes with wine.” “Hmm,,,how about anything?” Ellen laughed. “Okay by me.” In half an hour, I felt better, less awkward. I was in my element in the kitchen. I prepped some vegetables for grilling. There were fresh tomatoes from the market, and string beans, and a nice Pouilly Fuisse which I had opened and was beginning to take a sip of when I heard Ellen say, “Hey, wait for me for the toast.” I looked up and smiled and my breath caught all at the same time. She emerged from her room in a white spaghetti-strapped tee-shirt, and short wrap around skirt. In a word, she glowed. “Hey, are you okay?” I stumbled from my thoughts, “Oh yes,,fine, I love that skirt. You look beautiful.” She smiled, “Must have been the sea-salt scrub. It always makes my skin glow. She came up behind me and slipped her hands around my waist and hugged me. I could feel the contours of her body against me. “Thanks so much for coming. It feels nice to just get away with close friend.” I sighed, but my heart was pounding. “I know what you mean. I feel really free being with you.” She squeezed me again, and poured herself a glass of wine. The rest of the evening was a relaxing affair of tasty grilled vegetables, and two bottles of wine. We talked and talked, about life and love and work. Throughout the evening I couldn’t help but stare at Ellen, and her body. At times, her nipples showed clearly through the thin material of her tee shirt, and my eyes were drawn to them time after time, seeing a sexy perfection in how they stood out from her chest. When we sat together too I spied those beautifully shaped legs under the wraparound skirt. Carelessly at times she sprawled on the couch completely unaware, or unselfconscious that I could see far up her thigh to the string on her hip of her yellow string bikinis. The more wine I drank, the more aroused, or less inhibited I was becoming. At one point, I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I had on khaki shorts and a simple white blouse. I unbuttoned my blouse and removed my bra. Why shouldn’t I be as unselfconscious as Ellen? It was just us, why wear a bra. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I could see the darkness of my nipples through my shirt quite clearly, and somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind I knew it wasn’t any desire for liberation that made me remove my bra, it was my conscious desire to be attractive, and to arouse Ellen. I walked back to the living room, and Ellen was gone. “Hey, out here.” I walked out on the screened porch. Ellen was sitting in a rope swing with two bottles of wine. The rope swing was sort of like a hammock and sort of like a chair that held two people. I squeezed in next to her laughing as we adjusted and shifted to both fit. Finally, nestled against each other in the chair, she handed me my fifth glass of wine. “Cheers.” I smiled back at her and touched my glass to hers. She looked at me for the longest time and I at her. Whether it was the wine or my deeply unstable feelings, I found myself frozen as she brought her face into mine slowly and placed her lips against mine. For a single moment, as I felt the tip of her tongue moisten my lips I was lost in the exquisite sensation of her touch. That sensation was filled with overwhelming anxiety and I pulled back, almost jumping back, in the process knocking Ellen’s wine out of her hand. The glass shattered on the porch. We both stood awkwardly, and in a moment the warm fuzziness created by 5 glasses of wine was becoming the beginnings of a stress headache. Ellen was immediately on her feet. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say.” She had the frozen look of terror in her eyes. “I didn’t mean anything, I just wanted to kiss you, it felt like the right thing to do. Can you ever forgive me?” I was completely unraveled. “No please, it’s just that, I am not like that, and it came as a surprise. Please don’t worry.” I was having a hard time, my head was now pounding. “Come on let’s get cleaned up, and get too bed.” “Not until you forgive me.” “There is nothing to forgive, c’mon. You are the closest friend I have, I just wasn’t expecting that.” Ellen was crying now. “I didn’t bring you up here to do anything like that, you have to believe me. I’ve just had such a wonderful day and evening with you, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to kiss you.” It had seemed like the most natural thing in the world, that’s what worried Debbie. For a moment she had tottered on the brink. What would have happened had she returned the passion of the kiss? Would they be undressing each other now? Her head was swimming. “Ellen, c’mon, let’s go to bed. I love you so much, and I will tomorrow too. We both need sleep.” It was an awkward and silent few moments while they cleaned up. The hug goodnight was cautious, but warm, and Debbie walked back to her room afterwards. Alone now with her thoughts she reflected on the events of the evening. My god what a kiss. The moment that she felt Ellen’s lips on her own aroused a passion in her she had not felt in her life before that moment. She convinced herself that she had done the right thing by pulling back. Had that trickle of passion been allowed to flow, it would have turned into a torrent, and then a river, and then a tidal wave that would have smashed all inhibition. Would that have been all that bad, she thought to herself. Why was she always holding back? Was it that she felt that allowing that passion to flow would somehow compromise her values? Or was it that she couldn’t stand to lose control? She needed to understand everything first, be predictable, have measurable results. The messiness of uncontrolled passion was anathema to her. No, she was married, she didn’t participate in deviant sexual practices. She had a marriage, a career, no complications, no mess, all controlled. But that taste on her lips, that sensation of wet warmth, the smell of Ellen in her nose. Deb closed her eyes, and remembered the heat of the fire within her when Ellen had kissed her. It was a fire that had threatened to consume her. This was the moment in her life when she knew in her own heart that she would either maintain the order of her whole life, or give into the messy unknown of a passionate, unplanned, uncontrollable life, where nothing was certain, and all limitations had been removed. In the silent darkness a tear rolled out the corner of her eye, and then with resolve, she stood. Debbie padded over to Ellen’s room in the white blouse, and black panties that she had worn to bed. At Ellen’s door she paused, but only for a moment. If she waited and thought about what she was about to do, she might never enter this new world. She pushed open the door to Ellen’s room. She saw Ellen turn as the light from the living room came through as the door opened. Deb saw the red circles under Ellen’s eyes as in the light. She quickly closed the door returning the room to the silvery moonlight. “I’m so sorry Deb, I completely understand if you want to leave. I can arrange a ,,,” Deb stopped Ellen by placing a fingertip over her lips. Deb stood for a moment, looking at Ellen. She was here, and the moment was now, and she began to feel the flames begin burn up in her. As she looked down at Ellen’s questioning face, Debbie began to slowly unbutton the white blouse she was wearing. She slipped it off of her shoulders stood naked but for her panties. Ellen looked at Deb, and then at her breasts, illuminated in the moonlight. Deb hooked her thumbs into her panties and eased them off her hips, over her thighs, and then off her ankles. Now she stood completely naked in the moonlight next to Ellen’s bed, and the flames of heat begin to grow within her. Deb leaned forward and pulled back the covers from Ellen’s body. Ellen had on the white tee shirt from dinner, and the yellow bikini panties. Debbie reached for the hem of her tee shirt and pulled it up over Ellen’s head. And then, without hesitation, she reached for the panties, and eased them off of Ellen’s hips, legs and feet. They stared at each other for at least a minute, in complete silence. Finally, Ellen broke the silence, “Are you sure?” In response I leaned in and kissed her on the lips, tracing them with my tongue. My hand came up and cupped her breast, my thumb caressing her hardening nipple. Ellen had been right, there was something “natural” about this. Ellen fell back on the pillow as I continued to kiss her. Her hands roamed over my shoulders and back. I nibbled at her neck, reveling in the soft smooth skin in the hollow of her neck. As I continued to kiss and move downward I tasted the fullness of the tops of her breasts. The fire in me was now a burning blaze. I could not control my desire anymore. I wanted to kiss Ellen all over, and to make here feel the heat I was feeling. I traced my tongue over her right breast until I could sense the change in texture. I licked over her hardened nipple. It felt wonderful on my tongue. I had the immediate self-gratification of knowing that Ellen was aroused. I could taste it in her hard nipple. I sucked her nipple into my mouth and felt Ellen shudder beneath me. I thought I heard her cry out as well, but the blood was pounding in my ears, and the only thing I was sure of was the wonderful sensation of Ellen’s nipple in my mouth. I moved to her other breast, tracing my tongue along its underside and then up to the turgid nipple, pink and budding with desire as my mouth closed on it, and began to gently suck. Again I felt Ellen shudder beneath me, and this time I was sure I heard her call out. The fire now blazed out of control inside of me, an inferno of passion. I heard myself call out as I ran the flat of my tongue over Ellen’s nipple and heard her utter a deep primitive guttural sound of animal passion. Ellen rolled me onto my back, she was moving wildly now, like a tigress over her squirming victim. She hungrily attacked my mouth with her lips, her whole body shaking against mine. Her hands cupped my breasts, playing with my nipples. I arched my back, trying to push myself against her. An electrical charge exploded within me as I felt her mouth close over my nipple. She didn’t kiss it, she ravaged it, alternating between a gentle caress with her tongue and a passionate suckling of my nipple. I looked down at her to see her tongue swirling over my nipple, and now I felt my own body shudder uncontrollably against her. She looked at me and smiled as her mouth swallowed my nipple, aureole and my surrounding area of my breast. My whole body was on fire, but I jumped when I felt Ellen’s finger against my sex. My mouth opened, as if to protest, but any protest evaporated as soon as I felt Ellen’s finger trace along the outer lips of my sex. It was my last barrier, my last moment to step back, but whatever thoughts or hesitations I had resolved themselves and I found myself opening my legs to her touch. Ellen’s fingertip slid slowly along my outer lips. I had not realized until that moment how aroused I had been, but I could tell from Ellen’s touch that I was absolutely soaked with desire. Her finger slid into me easily, and my fingers closed in a death grip around her arms as I felt her touch inside of me, caressing my sex with first one finger, and then two. Her thumb rubbed over my clitoris, and immediately the tidal wave broke over me. It felt as if my whole body had turned inside out as my unexpected orgasm exploded within me. My body shuddered uncontrollably against Ellen, my legs clamping her hand within me, spasming against her for a full two minutes. Ellen held me close as I came and continued to massage me and caress my sex. As the spasms began to subside I felt a warmth settle over me and envelop my sex. I could barely open my eyes, but as I did, I could see the source of these new sensations. Ellen was between my legs and her tongue covered my sex with wet warmth. The sensation of her tongue tracing over my sex sent my hips involuntarily quivering. My clitoris felt like an open raw nerve of pleasure as she sucked it between her lips, gently tugging at it’s fleshy hood. I looked down at her and met her eyes, and I saw the absolute desire in them as she traced the tip of her tongue over my sex. With a life of their own, my legs parted for her, and I saw my hips thrusting up to her tongue. With her fingers she gently parted my outer lips and I felt her tongue slide inside of me, caressing me, penetrating me. Again, I felt the waves of pleasure gather strength from in my loins, rising up from deep within me beginning as vibrations deep within me and growing to spasms of pleasure throughout my entire body. The pleasure was so intense I felt my body shuddering against Ellen’s mouth. I collapsed in tears of pleasure, the spasms again becoming ripples, and then vibrations deep within me. Ellen laid her head on my abdomen, caressing my sides. I could feel the softness of her breasts between my spread legs. My sex was absolutely soaked, and I could feel the cooling wetness on her breasts. I pulled her up to me, on top of me, looking into her eyes. I saw love, and desire, and still that glorious smile. I pulled her to me, hungrily kissing her moist lips, realizing in that instant that the moisture was my desire, my taste, on her lips. I moaned as I tasted my own sharp musky taste in her mouth and on her tongue. I kissed down her neck and she moved over me, straddling my hips. Her perfect breasts hung over my face and as Ellen put her hands on the wall above the headboard I traced my tongue along the undersides of her breasts. Again, I tasted myself on her breasts; they were coated from her lying between my legs. I sucked her left nipple and then her right into my mouth. Ellen was now moaning continuously and moving herself back and forth over me so her breasts and olive colored nipples moved over my searching mouth. My saliva soon covered her breasts and she continued to sway above me. I kissed the undersides of her breasts, tracing my tongue along her ribs. My mind was on fire. I knew where this was leading and I felt unable to do anything but feed the desire building in me; the desire to love completely, to withhold no part of myself from Ellen. Ellen moaned and moved onto her knees above me. I could hear her panting, whimpering, her hips beginning to undulate inches from my face. My hands were on her thighs which were spread wide on each side above my face. I looked up directly between her legs, and saw her pink lips glistening in the moonlight above me. They looked like a wonderful flower to me, in a way I had never imagined. I could see the pulsing between her legs, smell the fragrance of her sex. In that moment I fully appreciated the beauty of womanhood, the fruit of all desire and pleasure. I closed my eyes, pulled Ellen’s thighs gently towards me, and placed my tongue against the lips of her sex, at once tasting her uniqueness, her desire, her lust, her beauty. Ellen muffled a scream, but could not control her hips as they thrust against my mouth. My tongue slipped between her lips and inside of her very being. The tip of my tongue slid over her and flicked the bud of her clitoris back and forth before sucking it gently inside of her mouth. My god, the vagina is made for a mouth, I thought. My tongue hungrily lapped, sucked, and nipped at her every nerve. Ellen was now gyrating her hips into my mouth, and I could sense her beginning to lose control. Her hand slipped down off the headboard to the back of my head and pulled me into her depths. Her juices covered my lips, cheek and nose. I was loving the fact that I was making Ellen feel as good as she made me feel. In that moment I lived only to give pleasure to her. As if reading my mind I felt Ellen begin to tremble. First her thighs, then her hips, and then finally her shoulders began to shudder. My lips never left her sex, and I could feel her clitoris swelling in my mouth. I heard her cry out, and felt her pulsing against my lips. I tasted something else as well, something different in that moment, sweet, and sharp, and warm. I held her as she continued to tremble and then finally collapse back onto me, her hips resting on my stomach, her arms around my neck, and her head in the pillow beside me, crying and trembling. I knew what she was feeling, and I held her, caressed her. She nestled in next to me with her head on my shoulder, her arm across my stomach, resting on my hip. And we lay like that in the moonlight, crying, holding each other, wrapped in nothing but the cool evening air, with the sound of cicadas coming from the woods. Soon Ellen’s crying ceased and became instead the steady breathing of sleep. I looked down at her, her naked skin pale in the moonlight. My god, I thought, what have we done? Ellen stirred a moment, and I felt her cheek against my breast. Yes, my darling, what have we done? I drifted off into a deep and satisfying sleep. Butterfly Spirits Authors note: This is my Halloween contest entry. It is not spooky or scary or a typical Halloween story in anyway. I will admit it's a little poignant and sad but I hope you enjoy it regardless. Thank you again to RK Moreland for helping with the copy editing, and BrambleThorn whose wisdom really helped when I became bit lost. You are both much appreciated. ~ellie * Joel walked down the dock breathing in the stale scents of the city and stopped on the side of the road before him. He had been away a full six months this time and Cecilia waited on the curb for him. He shook his head and turned to walk in the opposite direction. "Joel, stop," Cecilia sounded panicked. "Please." He stopped and turned to look at the seemingly frail woman he knew so well, noting the less than polished appearance as she stood on the sidewalk staring at him. For the last six months he had been at sea and standing before him when he took his first breath on dry land was one half of the reason he took the longer than usual job. "No, Cilly, I'm done." He kept walking without looking back. He heard her high-heeled shoes clacking on the footpath as she hurried after him. "When I heard you were coming back in time for Halloween... I thought..." Cecilia seemed uncertain. "Come back to Rainbird with me, say goodbye to her properly, please Joel, I loved her too." "I already said my goodbye's; it's been over eight months, what do you expect will happen? Her spirit will materialise and float down and dance with the butterflies?" Joel turned to look at her his voice hard and callous. "No... I don't know, maybe," She sighed, "Come home with me Joel, please. Come to Rainbird." "I can't," Joel looked at her properly and found his heart still ached for her, even after all the betrayals. He noted the shadows under her eyes, barely concealed by the makeup she wore. She had lost a lot of weight and her usually glossy black hair seemed dull in comparison to his memories of her. "There is something else going on isn't there?" Joel looked into her dark brown eyes seeing the lie as she spoke lightly. "No," Cecilia said too rapidly in reply and heard the defensiveness in her own voice. "I have invited some family and friends as well." She admitted, "It will be like a reunion." "You're hosting Halloween?" Joel looked at her incredulously. "Not quite, but sort of. I will explain it, at the right time. Here," she thrust an invitation out at him. "I don't want to stand here and argue with you anymore." She could feel her energy waning and walked with purpose back to the waiting car, trying not to let her fatigue show. Joel watched her go before looking at the invitation in his hands and groaning. "A Halloween party," he laughed. "Great, that's just great." Shoving it deep into the pocket of his bag he walked back to his harbour side apartment. Cecilia hadn't contacted him again directly, instead she sent their friends to do her dirty work. For his part Joel had been resolute in his determination not to return to their family home. It wasn't a home for him without his mother there. This Halloween celebration had always been his mother's thing, he couldn't bear to have it distorted by Cecilia. Three days before the party his oldest friend arrived, banging on his door late in the evening with a bottle of tequila in one hand and a six pack of Corona's in the other. "Sure hope you got limes," he said by way of greeting. "What the fuck are you doing here?" Joel looked confused. "Heard you were back, so decided to accept the invitation I got to Cilly's shindig. Do you think we have to wear costumes?" he laughed. "I wouldn't worry, you could be a body double for Frankenstein any day," Joel shrugged. "Oh ho ho, in fine form already I see," Rod bit back, "I thought you wouldn't be so grumpy since Cilly got the all clear. I talked to her a few weeks ago and it sounded like the treatment was really knocking her around. It must have been rough after your mother and everything." Joel stared at his friend, his mouth agape as the words sunk in, "Cilly, what?" "Oh shit I thought you knew, you guys were so tight," Rod realised there was no going back, he had said too much. "Well it's over now anyway, they took out the lump, got it all and she only had radiation as a precautionary measure." Joel felt sick; he sagged back onto the couch and remembered the way she looked when she had met his boat. Rod handed him a shot of tequila and a Corona looking worried, "Listen mate, I'm sorry, I didn't realise. I mean I can understand why she didn't tell you at the time but geez." "I need a few minutes, just give me a minute to think," Joel's mind raced back in time and he felt the hot sting of tears well up in his eyes. ***** Warren Teasdale had met his new wife, Miriam, when she had been on holiday from Philadelphia and was visiting the resort town of Port Douglas. He was there attending a golf tournament. Both widowed several years earlier they had always said it was like one of those magical moments when their eyes met across a crowded room and they just knew it was love. With Miriam had come her son Joel, who was of a similar age to Warren's own daughter, Cecilia. It all seemed so perfect but life in far north Queensland was very different from the life Miriam and Joel had led in America. It was not that Miriam minded that much. She was blissfully happy really, it was the holidays that got her down at times and usually during the winter break at school she would take Joel back to visit their relatives for the fourth of July celebrations and usually include Cecilia in the trip. Halloween though was her favourite of the holidays and she was shocked and disappointed to find that they didn't celebrate it in Australia aside of a few tacky decorations if they remembered in a local pub. She had been determined to change that though and began throwing amazing parties each Halloween for their friends and neighbours, as well as bringing the children and several of their friends home for the long weekend. Joel and Cecilia had been little more than kids when they first met, his mother dating and eventually marrying her father. Living on a remote sugarcane plantation in the northern parts of Queensland meant they spent most of their adolescence at boarding schools only really seeing each other for small bursts on holidays and vacation times. They lived privileged lives; the wealthy plantation owner sparing no expense for his new family. They were close as children in the same family might be but it had always been more of a transient friendship between them than any sort of familial bond. It wasn't until they both attended, the same university that they actually got to know each other well, too well it seemed. Having different surnames no one knew of their relationship and they both liked it that way. They had shared a small apartment close to the university as friends and roommates and rapidly found an attraction that neither of them could deny any longer. They reasoned over a few bottles of wine one night that they weren't really brother and sister so there was no harm in seeing where it went. It was late when they made this momentous decision and he stood pulling her up beside him to kiss her. "You can choose, your room or mine," he gave her a devilish grin and strode off toward the bathroom looking over his shoulder at her. He took the extra time to brush his teeth and returned to find her in his bed. He could see she was naked despite the sheet she held covering her body as both her breasts rose unfettered beneath the thin cotton, her pointed nipples begging for attention, and that was just what he planned to give them. He slipped back into bed and turned towards her. He let his fingers caress those monumental globes and then lowered his mouth and explored a nipple with his tongue, giving them both the attention they so deserved. Cecilia practically purred at the sensations he gave her. She wanted to feel his touch all over her body. She felt so hot that she could have been melting beneath his hands. His hands worked their way down her body caressing and tickling her as he went. He looked up at her and saw that she was glassy eyed and breathless and smiled knowingly. That smile just did her in, she could think of nothing else but the sensations that Joel was bringing to her. He pulled back the sheet exposing her body. She self-consciously squirmed as he did this wondering how he saw her through his dark eyes when she lay completely naked before him. "Wow," Joel breathed. Her breasts were firm and her body was perfect. She had a small patch of dark hair on her pussy and her legs seemed to stretch out forever. "Don't stop," she begged. "I think I need this, you, so badly." He slipped his arm around her and brought her face level with his then took her lips in a sweet sensuous kiss, one like she had never experienced before with any man, not that there had been many. He slid his hands down to her most vulnerable place and gently inserted his finger into her. She released a hoarse cry as she pushed her lower body into his hand, and she collapsed against him, relishing the unbelievable sensations he gave her as he stroked against her clit and the front wall of her cunt. Joel immediately moved down her body and with a slow sensuous tongue movement proceeded to taste the exotic flavours that were distinctly Cecilia. She writhed above him as she keened and arched up off the bed in a shattering climax that bathed his hand and face. She began to calm down and Joel slowly lay back on the bed and held her close within his arms. He looked so wonderful to her. "My turn," she said softly. Holding his hands down by his sides she began to kiss him, her eager mouth moving over his face and lips tasting her own juices. She kissed down to his chest and nipples, giving them a little nip as she went. She continued to taste and nip at him all the way down his warm, sweaty body. She loved his skin; it was the colour of caramel and so smooth if slightly damp. His body was muscled and pulsed beneath her lips. As she continued her journey downwards towards his navel and groin, she felt the heat of his cock rub against her. Leaning right down she placed her mouth over the bulbous head of his cock and slowly sucked it between her lips, filling her mouth slowly. Cecilia relished the sounds Joel made as she teased and sucked at his cock and for her it was over all too soon as with a loud groan he pulled her head up and dragged her up his body. He turned her over onto her back and hovered above her momentarily before lowering his head to kiss her as he slowly pushed his cock into her warm wet hole. It was like entering the world of wonder he had been waiting for, for a long time, he never knew being with Cecilia would feel this good. Cecilia raised her body to meet his movements and they plunged into a rhythm of thrusts, meeting and receding together, the waves of desire washing over them. His hands caught her hips and he drove into her deeply. Then he was lost. He called out her name and she followed, both shaking with the force of an earth shattering climax. Joel gathered her in his arms and held her tightly, promising to never let her go. Cecilia in turn promised to never be parted from him. In Joel's mind their relationship was never as good as it was that first night that they had finally acted on their feelings for each other. Their affair was stormy and fraught with on again, off again, fights and bouts of passion as they each fought the idea that they were somehow related in their own way. In their second year of university Cecilia's father had died suddenly in a machinery accident on the plantation and they had returned home to Rainbird and Miriam. The crisis had brought them even closer but they hid their relationship from the close knit community of their home town and remaining family. Cecilia had chosen not to return to university with Joel when he went back to sit his exams. She reasoned she had already been struggling when her father had met his untimely death and that deferring the current semester would be the better option. He had been furious with her at the time and returned on his own severing the connection between them. He didn't return home at the end of semester break and she did not return to university the following semester. The distance between them grew. It wasn't until Joel came home at the end of September for Halloween that they spoke again. She was dating a local man and Joel bristled with jealousy. For his mother's benefit he remained calm and avoided the tempestuous fights that plagued his relationship with Cecilia. Each year on Halloween, his mother, held this party and demanded his return. He had to admit he enjoyed it and the quirky twists she had added to make it as much an Australian holiday as an American celebration. She had found that the Yolngu people of Arnhem Land held a ceremony to wish the spirits of those who had died that year well on their journey to the island where the spirits dwelt. It didn't matter to her that they lived over three thousand miles from Arnhem Land as she fell in love with the story and decided to incorporate it as a way to conclude her now famous Halloween parties. The dreamtime legend said that each evening the morning star, Bunimbirr, would be brought to the main camp of the spirit people in a special dilly bag. They would then begin to dance and sing, singing all of the songs of where the star would travel and what it would see. As they danced they would kick up the dust bringing dusk and then darkness. All through the night they would continue their celebration until just before dawn when the moon had gone but before the sun had risen. Then the spirit guide, who held the dilly bag, would release Bunimbirr. Freed Bunimbirr first rested in the top of a tall tree, on the island near the spirit dancing ground, and then it would fly westward as if it was let out on a feathered string. When it came to a place of spirit it rested in the top of special trees. Just before the sun rose the spirit guide pulled back on the string to bring the star back to the island of the dead, where it would be safely put away in the dilly bag for another such day. Dead people's spirits in the form of butterflies, flying foxes, grasshoppers and praying mantis were said to follow the star and its feathered string back to the island of the dead. In embracing the culture of her new home, each year a huge glittering star would be hoisted to the top of a tall eucalypt close to the house and in the brief moment between night and the next day the family and friends gathered would watch the insects come to life as if by magic and fly away with the spirits of dead. The Halloween after Warren's death felt different to them though; it was close to home and personal this time and the preparations for it had been painstaking. That twilight dawn as they sat in the brief moment of darkness between night and day, Joel saw Cecilia's wet face search the landscape for butterflies, her father had promised her butterflies. Then he saw it, the small flutter of wings as a lone butterfly with bright blue glinting off its wings swept around the tree and headed for Cecilia. She reached out her hand sucking her bottom teeth over her top lip and the small creature landed momentarily before taking off once again to fly around Miriam, Joel's mother, and on into the sunrise. Both appalled and amazed, Joel stood beside his mother and put an arm around her shoulders. Cecilia came to stand on her other side and the three stood motionless as the first pale light of dawn touched the horizon. In the days following Halloween and the ceremony Joel had tried to convince Cecilia to return to the city with him but she had been resolute in her decision not to go. Their fights had been loud and brutal and he had left angry and bitter. Cecilia never returned to university; instead taking up a role on the planation that had been her father's life work and Joel began to make excuses why he couldn't return home. After university he had moved closer though, buying a small apartment in the coastal town of Cairns where he could work and still see his mother more often. It was here in this apartment that they had renewed their affair. Falling in love and lust again and building an even closer bond than before. Joel worked for the Marine Parks and Wildlife Department, monitoring the reef and the impact of tourists and deep sea fishing charters and could be gone to sea for long stretches of time. Each time he returned though she would be there waiting on the dock for him, running and jumping into his arms as if he had been gone for years rather than weeks. His mother had become sick the following year. He had been devastated to find that the mastectomy and chemotherapy were not combatting the breast cancer and took a leave of absence from work to spend what time she had left at Rainbird. It was at that time, when Joel needed Cecilia most that she had withdrawn from him. She had left to go to the city without a word of warning. No reasons, no mention of how long she would be gone, she had just packed her things and after a long tearful talk with his mother had gotten in her car and driven away. She came back pale and wan looking for the funeral two months later. He had thought it was her grief and guilt that made her look so unwell. He had been angry and refused to acknowledge her in anyway. Ignoring anything she said to him, he had brutally and physically turned his back on her. He had left for two weeks at sea the next day. The two weeks had turned into six months as he found any reason not to return to the mainland. ***** Joel roused himself from his memories. Rod had sat close by not saying anything, giving him his few minutes to digest the news and waiting for the explosion from the short-tempered man. It wasn't that he was always short tempered. It seemed to be that Cecilia brought it out in him more often than most. "She should have fucking told me!" Joel finally exploded. "And when should she have done that? When she found out she had a lump? Your mother was dying of the same thing, for fuck's sake. She couldn't have told you at funeral or before it. Then you left, and it seems decided to throw your phone away at the same time," Rod said calmly, stating the facts. "You always took her side, how is it you know so fucking much?" Joel stood and walked to the window facing the rainforest covered hills surrounding his town. "I asked her how she was, at the funeral, when she was so pale," Rod explained. "Joel come on, you can't be mad at her for this. You're the one that shut her out, shut all of us out when Miriam died. I only took her side of things when you weren't making sense, mate," Rod cracked a smile, "True, that's most of the time I suppose, but it's beside the point." His chuckle was loud as Joel turned and glared at him. "C'mon Joel, it's time to put things right again, I didn't fly for fuckin' hours to be listenin' to your hard-done-by bullshit. Have a cup of cement and harden up already." "Well aren't you a friggin' font of wisdom tonight," Joel let out a snort of derision but came to back to sit and pour himself another shot of tequila. "Too fuckin' right. Get a few more tequila's into me and I will have formulated the plan for peace in the Middle-East," he chuckled loudly again, "Best I can do at this point is build a bridge type stuff and I think they already tried that." He looked thoughtful for a moment and Joel burst out laughing. They became more raucous with the more alcohol they drank and it was with bleary eyes that Joel grudgingly got out of bed the next morning. He took a shower and packed a small duffle bag. He knew Rod was right about it being time to make things right but it didn't make it any easier to have to admit he was a complete bastard. Butterfly Spirits "How did you convince me to be a pirate again?" Joel looked at the hastily put together costume he had laid out last night. "Cause everyone expects pirates to curse and drink too much. We'll fit right in," Rod chuckled again. They left the apartment early and stopped for breakfast at a café nearby to down a lot of strong black coffee and a hearty breakfast. Feeling immensely better they started the drive up to the plantation, Rainbird. Rod drove and Joel let his mind wander back over his stormy relationship with Cecilia for the millionth time. The tires crunched down on the small pebbles of the part of the long driveway closest to the big house startling Joel from his thoughts. "This was a bad idea," he murmured. "Need that cup of cement ya big wuss?" Rod chuckled. "You have no idea how much," Joel grimaced. Rod parked the car around the back where he always had but a frantic looking older woman came to wave him away from his chosen spot. "But I always park here Pearl," Joel said plaintively as he got out of the car. "Joel," the old woman exclaimed running around the car to embrace him. "Cilly will be so happy to see you." "I doubt that," he murmured. "What are you talking about? She always lights up when you're around," Pearl admonished him. They walked into the house with their bags and Pearl fussed over them sending them up to their rooms. "Rod will have to bunk in with you Joel, we have quite a few coming for the party this year," she smiled crookedly and reached her hand up to his cheek, "I am surprised you didn't know how close Cilly and Miriam were, especially after..." she paused for a moment her eyes clouding over before pulling herself together, "after she came back from university." "Seems there are a lot of things about Cilly that Joel has never known about," Rod chuckled and started up the stairs, "Don't worry about me Pearl, a piece of carpet and a pillow is all I need." "Well hurry up, there is work to be done by big strong men like you two, no loafing around while you're here," Pearl went to the kitchen. The men threw their bags into Joel's room and headed back down stairs, Joel tried to remember the last time he had arrived home and not been greeted by Cilly before all others. They went to work cleaning out the wide verandas and portico off the rear of the house. Within an hour the men had both stripped off their shirts and glistened with sweat in the high humidity of the tropical northern rainforests. It wasn't until late in the afternoon that Cilly appeared on the rear veranda looking cool and comfortable in a plain white shift. Her face was fully made up and she smiled widely as they noticed her lounging on a deck chair watching them. "Pearl had told me how nice it looked out the back here this afternoon and must say it is quite a view from where I am sitting," merriment sparkled in her eyes, "I would hug you both for coming to help but I can smell you from here and don't want to get any closer." "Must be knock off time," Rod grinned. "I'll see about some beer if you take care of that odour," she wrinkled her nose. Pearl came through the door as Rod rushed past her, in attempt to beat Joel to the big bathroom. She wrinkled her nose and looked at Joel, "You too," she pointed at him, "Shower and change before dinner." "Yes ma'am," he saluted and walked up the two stairs to the veranda before turning to Cecilia, "It's good to see you Cilly," he smiled in a pitiful attempt to undo some of the damage from the scene on the dock. "Thanks for coming, even if I had to get Rod to drag you here," she laughed lightly at the consternation on his face. Studying her face he realised that she believed he still didn't know. He could faintly see the shadows under her eyes, hidden by the thick makeup and wondered if she was really in the clear as Rod had put it. "Guess I will go shower then, I could really use that beer," Joel said with a tight smile and walked into the house. The foremen of the planation had arrived for dinner and were enjoying a beer on the veranda when the men came back downstairs. Pearl ushered them out the back door with beers in their hands. As dinner progressed and the hour grew late Joel found he was never left alone with Cilly and as the foremen left she excused herself and went to help Pearl in the kitchen. At some point she went to bed without saying goodnight and Pearl ushered the men upstairs to do the same. In the middle of the night, Joel got up and walked down to Cilly's room. He listened quietly at the door before silently turning the handle surprised to find it was locked. His brow furrowed in consternation and he sighed too loudly hearing a stir from inside the room. He waited breathlessly for her to open the door as she would have in the past for him but there was nothing and after long minutes he returned to his own bed. The following day people began to arrive, and as rooms and bedding and places to stay had to be sorted out Cilly always managed to keep herself surrounded by people. Joel too, found that he was constantly bombarded by relatives he had not seen for many years. It seemed a lot of his family had flown in from America for the party. To remember his mother at the time she enjoyed the most. Most of them chose to camp out in the large tents erected just outside of the circle that had been cleared beside the portico, only the elderly Aunties who had travelled badly compared to the younger contingent stayed in the big house. Most of the workers returned home for a long weekend of celebration leaving only a skeleton workforce including the three foremen and the bunk houses would be used for more guests. Once again Joel and Rod were put to work, digging fire pits and other endless jobs that came with a gathering of this magnitude. Joel had not realised what a large undertaking Cecilia had put together for the party to honour Miriam. Throughout the day he attempted to find her alone so they could talk before the party preparations went into overdrive the next day, but they had both been kept busy by guests and preparations. It was after lunch when Cecilia attempted to escape to the kitchen with Pearl again that Joel let his temper get the better of him. He stood and walked after them bursting through the door and glowering at the two women. "Stop hiding and talk to me. You wanted me to come home; well here I am, so stop running away already. I've been a complete bastard okay? Is that what you need to hear?" Joel voice was harsh but quiet. "I know Cilly, I know all of it so you can stop pretending you're fine and talk to me." "Rod?" she asked softly watching him nod in return. "I swear if that boy had half a brain he would be dangerous!" Pearl was clearly exasperated but made no move to leave the kitchen and let them talk. "Well I can't go back and do it over, it is what it is. I'm fine now really, so you can either forgive me for not being with you when Miriam died or you can continue to hate me." She drew her shoulders back and inhaled deeply trying to look stronger than she felt. The fatigue from her treatments had been severe; the doctors suggested that it was not the treatments alone that caused it but rather the extraordinary circumstances in her life when she had been going through her surgery and treatment. "You're not fine, blind Freddy could see that!" He took a step towards her and she took a step back holding up her hand. "Don't Joel, just don't," She said quietly, and Pearl moved to stand between them. "I just want to talk to you, properly, just us, the way we used to!" He said dangerously quietly. "There's too much to do," she said and turned to move back toward the dining room. Joel moved to block her way and picked her up, "We will be upstairs until she tells me exactly what happened," he said to a startled Pearl. "I am not going to hurt her." He bounded out of the kitchen and up the wide staircase depositing her in their parent's old room, neutral territory. "Why are you doing this?" Joel almost shouted as he slammed the door closed and put her down. "Its tradition, our family has hosted this party for the last twenty years. Halloween is nothing in this country except in our tiny piece of it. Your mother did that. Created this festival and invited others to share it. It's a part of her I can keep alive!" Tears were forming in Cecilia's eyes. "If I had not been so lucky would you have sent my spirit off with the morning star?" Joel recoiled as if slapped. The ceremony of course that's why she was doing it, to say goodbye as his mother wanted them to, just like they had for Cecilia's father. Here before him was the one woman he truly loved. He had almost lost her without even knowing it. How could he answer her question, "You broke it off with me!" he almost shouted in response. "You ran away without a word when Miriam was dying. What was I supposed to think or do? You should have told me! What if you had died with me believing you no longer loved me or wanted to be with me?" "I left because I did love you. I didn't want to put you through everything all over again. You had enough to deal with," She had begun to cry now and sagged onto the bed. "It wasn't your decision to make, I wouldn't have stopped you going and I would have made sure someone was there with you for god's sake. You didn't have to do it all alone! You are so fucking stupid sometimes. How many times do you have to put that knife in my chest and twist it, you think I preferred heart ache over knowing what was really going on, I loved you with everything I had and you threw it away for my own benefit? Fuck! Do you know how stupid that sounds right now?" he was seething with bottled up rage and he turned and stalked to the window. Cecilia had no words. It had seemed like the right thing to do at the time. "It wasn't as easy as you make it sound. I didn't want to leave you, I had to go. I loved you too much to make you go through all of it a second time." He returned and sat beside her holding her to him, "Don't you see, I would have rather gone through it a million times than believe you didn't care about me anymore." He lowered his head to kiss her. The kiss became deep and passionate, his hands moving from her back to stroke up her side but she broke away quickly, her hands pushing on his chest putting distance between them again. He was confused and tried to pull her back into his arms but she stood up and walked to the door. Turning to look at him at the last moment, she said softly, "I will always love you Joel, but it's different now, I can't be that same girl you once knew," she opened the door and walked out. He sat with his head in his hands trying to work out what just happened. Then the door opened again and Pearl stepped in closing it softly behind her. She walked over to where Joel sat and stood with her hands on her hips, making him look up and growl, "I didn't hurt her, and it's the other way around." "I heard," she admitted to eavesdropping easily feeling it was her right to make sure they did not kill each other. "Now it's time for you to listen to me, because I love you both." Joel was startled but said nothing. "She didn't go far, she was in Cairns Base hospital, if you had wanted to find her and get her back, be there for her, you could have asked Miriam or me we both knew but you were so wrapped up in your own heart ache and grief you just let her go without fighting for her. You could have seen how sick she was at the funeral like most people did and asked her then what was going on but you chose instead to be cruel and heartless." She let her words sink in as he stared at her open-mouthed. "In all the times she has stayed away from you over the years have you ever sought out answers to why? Why she didn't go back to university? Why she stayed here on the planation? Why she gave up the things she loved? You accuse her of breaking your heart and maybe she could have been more forthcoming with her reasons but your own self-pity and temper tantrums let you believe her flimsy excuses without looking deeper each time. You have no one to blame for your heart ache except yourself." Pearl continued to lecture him giving him some truths about Cecilia's actions that he would never have heard from the woman who loved him. When she was done and he was crying silently she stood up. As Cecelia had done she stopped at the door to the room and looked back at Joel with a grim look and said quietly, "Now that you know all of the facts if you ever accuse her of being selfish and cruel again I will cut your balls off with a rusty knife." She left, leaving him stunned and saddened that he had not looked beyond the obvious. He lay back on the bed and closed his eyes searching his memories and finding all the tell-tale signs that everything Pearl had said was true. He truly was a self-obsessed shit it hadn't occurred to him that anything was amiss each time she drew away from him. He went back to the window and looked down on the preparations for tomorrow night's celebrations and realised something was missing, something vitally important to the whole reason for holding this in Miriam's honour. Something he could give Cecilia to show the depth of his regret for his own stupidity. He went to find Rod. Another hour and several phone calls later the two men walked into the kitchen, "Something's come up," Joel announced, "We have to go." The look of horror on Cecilia's face was mirrored on Pearls as they turned and walked towards the front of the house. "Wait!" It was Cecilia that ran after them once she recovered, "Please don't go." "We'll be back in the morning, for the whole Halloween and Morning Star thing," Joel grinned, "It's not nice when you only hear half the story is it," he chuckled and Rod looked apologetic. "It's okay Rod, we don't blame you," Pearl said from behind Cecilia, "Joel's been perfecting being a shit for years now." Rod's laughter rang out. Joel bent to kiss Cecilia's cheek brushing his lips up to her ear, "I'll be back I promise." ***** Dusk approached and Cecilia stood in front of her many guests and smiled, "Thank you all for coming. It is with great sadness that I stand here instead of Miriam with her great love of this holiday but I thought it only fitting that we gather once again and remember her as we will for as many years as I can manage it." She stopped and looked around at the sea of faces surrounding her. "There is a Dreamtime tale from the people of Arnhem Land which for our American visitors is a long way from here," she acknowledged them with an incline of her head, "That Miriam liked so much she began incorporating it into our celebrations of Halloween. I do not truly know it except for its essence so I have managed to convince a small dance group to travel the long distance to join us here and tell this story of the spirit world." A single elder from the Yolgnu people stood between four musicians telling the story of Bunimbirr and to the sound of bimli and boomerangs being used as clap sticks, and a dijeridoo they began to kick up the dust from the ground beside the portico in a dance to bring on the dusk and eventual evening. Encouraging everyone to join the celebration modern music laid over the traditional and the combination of Halloween celebrations began in earnest. Joel had never seen so many people at one of their celebrations and marvelled at how Cecilia had pulled it off. Smiling he joined in the dancing and kicking up the dust in the dancing circle. The melding of cultures was wonderful as the elder laughed and joked with old men dressed as cowboys and soldiers. Children ran between the legs of the adults, trick or treat party bags clutched in their hands from an earlier treasure hunt. A large buffet dinner was assembled with large spit roasts at the ends of the long tables, one kangaroo, the other pork and both Joel and Rod helped out in the bar which became more of a free for all as the night went on. Aside of the initial dancing with the elder Joel left Cecilia to her hostess duties watching how Pearl and several friends often guided her to a chair to rest, not that she ever sat for very long. It was getting later when he finally approached her after she had been made to sit once again. "You haven't eaten, I know because I have been watching you flitter about all night like Madam Butterfly, come get something to eat with me, just a little you'll feel better for it," he smiled and held out his hand as her friend looked horrified. "You told me you had eaten already," her friend gasped, "Go get something right now! I don't want to be on Pearl's bad side when you feint from exhaustion." Sighing heavily, Cecilia gave Joel a cold look and ignored his hand as she got up from the chair. She started to walk towards the buffet and he took her hand ignoring her attempts to pull away. "So I am thinking roo burgers," he smiled and grabbed a plate passing it to her free hand and taking a plate of his own without letting go of her other hand. He placed a small roll on her plate and a larger one on his, where he placed minimal lettuce tomato and onion on hers, he heaped his high, and he layered meat onto his roll while placing a small sliver on hers. Satisfied he led her to a small table in a secluded corner near the big old eucalypt tree. "I made this booking a week in advance, hoping you would agree to dinner." He helped her with her chair and sat opposite lighting the small pumpkin shaped candle between them. "It's so hard to get a table in this restaurant at this time of year." Cecilia grinned but said nothing picking up the small roll in one hand and taking a small bite. Joel made small talk about how she managed to get the elder to come all the way here. He asked about how she had managed to get so many of his American family to come. He was truly amazed at her ingenuity and attention to detail. Sitting in the semi secluded corner of the area they were mostly left alone until a frantic Pearl found them. "Oh, good you ate something," she said breathlessly. "Made her one of my famous roo burgers," Joel laughed, "She liked it so much I was going to get her another one." "Actually, I should get back to the guests. You're right I feel much better thanks," she leaned a hand on the table to stand and Joel reached across and took it. "If you're going to make it through to concluding ceremony which you have to know is expected now that you have an elder here, you will need to eat more than that, I will pick you up for dessert in an hour or so okay?" he winked at her, "We'll share a tower of terror." "We'll see," she said laughing and went back to the party and the guests with Pearl admonishing her for disappearing. Joel continued to watch over her as the night wore on and true to his word as the night grew late he saw her falter and sit with friends. He moved towards her and held out his hand, "I believe we have a date with dessert?" This time she took his hand and moved away from her fussing friends toward the dessert table with him. She laughed as he built his tower of terror for them on one plate using mud cake, pavlova, passionfruit cheesecake, lamington fingers whipped cream and nuts. Taking two spoons he led her back to the table they had sat at earlier and passed one to her. Once again he made small talk and asked about the wiccans who had insisted everyone join hands at midnight and dance around the fire as they chanted some obscure thing. She had laughed, "The spring equinox or something, they welcome new life after the death of winter. It's all part of a multi-cultural Halloween. Apparently down on the sunshine coast there is a multicultural Halloween festival every year that they usually go to. It sounds wonderful I think I would like to go one year." Cecilia looked thoughtful, "I am sure Susannah will love it tonight and tell the organisers about our little celebration. Though I am not sure what the elder would make of the medieval displays or the church of barbarians that celebrate at that one every year, with the Wiccans." She laughed loudly, "Come to think of it I am not sure what they would make of him either." Butterfly Spirits "Maybe we could go next year," Joel smiled, but saw her eyes cloud over and become lost for a moment before she nodded and took a spoonful of the pavlova, so that she did not have to reply to him. "Everyone has their own way of celebrating the spirits of those they have loved and lost, I like Miriam's way, our way, it's like a physical presence almost in that predawn moment. It gets so cold like a chill falls over everything," She looked at her watch, "Only a few more hours, and I can say goodbye to Miriam properly." Her eyes welled up and she took another spoonful of dessert to distract herself from what this truly meant to her. "I still feel her you know," she let the tears fall, "Here near the tree, in the house, I loved her and I am so sorry I wasn't there at the end." Joel went and knelt beside her chair cradling her and rocking her. "What you had to do was far more important, and I should have known that. It's me that is sorry, truly sorry for all I did to make the last year even worse for you," his eyes had welled up also. "I love you, I always have, my own battered pride and heartache made me oblivious to what you were going through." He went to kiss her but she put her hand on his chest and pulled back from him. "I am..." she began to protest. "Do you think I care about scars or that you still face reconstruction surgery? Do you think I only fell in love with your breasts?" His voice was demanding and his arms refused to let her go. "Don't run away again, trust me, stay with me, please. I will not fall apart and neither will you if you just trust me." She looked into his eyes wanting to believe that after everything that had happened and all the mistakes they had made that they could go back to the way it was, when their love for each other was all that mattered. She saw the same looked reflected back at her, confusion washed over her she wanted it so badly but she wasn't the same girl, she had faced her own mortality and had become deformed, not whole, scarred both inside and out. She closed her eyes to blot out the love shining in his. He released his arms from her and sighed, "Perhaps it isn't the right time. Promise you will think about what I have said." She nodded and he went back to his own chair picking up his spoon again. "If you think I am going to eat this whole thing on my own you're mistaken," he smiled crookedly trying to lighten the mood. "I've already eaten more with you tonight than I did in all of yesterday," she complained. "Yeah I was going to mention that you were too skinny but I didn't want to break the romance of the candle lit dinner," he pointed at the half melted pumpkin candle. She gave a lopsided smile. They ate quietly and drifted back into the party. Most of the typical Halloween revellers had crashed or were sitting subdued in small groups. The DJ had even toned down the music and the buzz of chatter and laughter was the main sound of the group as the early morning moved toward the dawn. The morning twilight was predicted as 4.46 am so at around four the people who had come to experience Bunimbirr and farewell Miriam as well as other spirits in their lives gathered in the dance circle before the eucalypt tree. While some brought chairs most sat on the hard earth, as the elder invited both Joel and Cecilia to stand with him and tell the story of Miriam and guide her along the feathered string from Bunimbirr to the island of the spirits. As they spoke, each having their own story to add, butterflies began to fill the circle of people. They danced and swayed and were carried on the predawn breeze toward the east where the morning star glinted in a perfectly black sky. For Cecilia it was the perfect moment, to let go of her pain and anguish at losing Miriam, she stretched out her hand and to Joel's surprise two butterflies danced around his face before landing delicately in her hand. They were the same blue and black of the lone butterfly that had done a similar thing after the death of Cecilia's father. He looked back through the low tree branches to Rod who stood beside a large aerated carton removing large leaves and palm fronds to make sure all of the butterflies were freed. The crowd was silent in amazement as they each held out their hands to the multi-coloured insects some receiving a spirit visitor in that form and others not as lucky. As the first pale rays of the sun lightened the horizon the last of the butterflies flew eastward and the people remained waiting and watching until they could be seen no more. Turning at a soft noise in the now silent predawn light Cecilia saw Rod lift the now empty carton back to its place in the back of Joel's Ute. He had done that for her, given her the many butterflies she always wished to see. She smiled; she knew the blue and black butterflies that visited her were not of his doing. His were for her guests who were awed by the event and she was amazed that Joel would do this for her, so many butterflies, her smile was wide. Joel walked over and put his arm around her bending low and murmuring, "Is it just like you wanted?" "That and much more thank you so much, how did you do it?" She whispered. "Do what?" he feigned innocence. "That!" she pointed at Rod who was jumping down from the tray bed of his ute. "You weren't supposed to see that," Joel frowned. The party had begun disbanding and Pearl had begun the supervising of a barbecue breakfast for those that needed sobering up. Looking around at the still mostly quiet group he took her hand and led her into the darkness behind the tree, showing her the label on the box, "Butterfly house". She looked at him with wide eyes. "Well it's not like I had time to go out and catch them all for you," he laughed. Rod tried to slink out of harm's way sensing another argument about to occur when Cecilia saw him. "I don't know what you did or how you did it but thank you, thank you," she hugged Rod tightly and kissed both his cheeks. "See what I mean, good guys always get the girl." He wrapped his arms around Cecilia's waist and looked at Joel and laughed. "Is that breakfast I smell, you sure throw a great party, Cilly!" He let her go and wandered off in search of more food. They began to walk back into the party when she stumbled and Joel reached out to grab her. "You're tired, why don't you rest for a few hours; everything will still be here when you wake up." She nodded grudgingly; she wanted to stay but knew she was standing upright by sheer will power alone at this point. She ached to just lie down and close her eyes for a few minutes. She let go of his hand long enough to hug Pearl and tell her she was fine but needed to rest now. Pearl was bustling about with the breakfast and happy that Cecilia was taking care of herself and she wouldn't have to worry about her. Joel had stood back from the exchange and headed toward the house moments before Cecilia did. He stopped to help her up the portico steps and once through the door he swept her up in his arms and carried her up the stairs two at a time. He walked along the hallway still holding her and strode into her room closing the door behind him. "We have one more demon to put to rest before the sun fully rises on this new day," Joel said softly. "Show me, so I can make the decision myself. Let me just once show you that you can't make all the decisions in our relationship for me." His voice was insistent, "If you expect me to just walk away, show me, why." "Fine," she said in a small voice, "She knew this was probably the only way to make him see that she wasn't the same girl anymore." She pulled the baggy shirt up over her head and turned her back to him trembling as she removed the bra and padding held within it. Closing her eyes she turned back toward him. The move made her feel dizzy and she sat back on the bed her eyes popping open. "Happy now," there was resignation in her voice. "Oh yeah," Joel said. The truth was that aside of a small purple scar and a reasonable dimple in the roundness of her breasts she looked amazing. "You look amazing!" He knelt down in front of her and traced the small scar with an index finger. "You made me think you were hideously deformed. This is nothing." He bent his head to kiss the scar and nuzzle the warm soft flesh. Cecilia was shocked speechless. His kisses felt so good and it had been so long but she swallowed hard and pushed him away. "There is no need to lie, I know what it is," she said louder than she had meant. "Do you?" he said incredulously. He picked her up and stood her before the full length mirror turning on a lamp to better see. "It's a dimple, nothing more. Dimples are cute. I guess we could always walk around like this," he said cupping her breast, then even you would never have to see." He took his hands away whispering, "Don't get the reconstruction you don't need it, I like them better like this, cute like you." "Joel be serious," frustration sounded in her voice as she sighed dramatically. "I am deadly serious," he pressed his hips forward showing her just how serious he was about loving her new figure. "I would be more worried about being too skinny," his hands ran down her ribs lowering her skirt off her hips and moving over her flat belly. He kissed her neck and murmured in her ear, "You really should have told me everything you know, I am a much nicer guy than you give me credit for. I would have worked out a way to be there for you through everything if you had just told me. Not just this," he lifted his hands to her breasts again, "but everything and now that I have heard it all from someone else, I should be mad, I should be sad, I should be a lot of things but I love you, I want you and I need you in my life." "Everything?" she asked the mirror version of him watching him nod as he kissed her neck and shoulder sending delightful tingles into her body. "Pearl?" she asked a little breathlessly. Again his reflection nodded. "I have been really dumb haven't I?" She turned to look up into his warm brown eyes. "No more than me," he smiled. "Promise me no more making decisions without me or withholding something important." Cecilia kissed him properly for the first time in a year and he carried her to the bed proceeding to tell and show her exactly how turned on he was by her new dimple, poking his finger into her other breast wondering if a matching set might be better than the reconstruction. Their love making was hurried and needful and as she lay in his arms barely keeping her eyes open, Cecilia smiled. "Hmm, if that was an exorcism I am surprised there aren't more of them," she giggled. "Demon gone, really?" Joel tilted up her chin to look into her sleepy eyes. "Mmhmm," she tightened her arms around him and drifted off into sleep.