25 comments/ 278613 views/ 55 favorites Exploring My Bisexuality By: Haley__F Note: I thought I’d write in and tell you about what happened to me just over 2 months ago. I’m 19 and still living at home with my parents and my sister Janine who is 23. This is all absolutely true, I haven’t even changed the names because I believe that truth is much more fascinating that fiction. And it gives me a thrill to know that someone might read this and recognise me! I’m at college trying to get 2 big projects finished. Janine is also at my college doing a Psychology degree. We always fight quite a bit about who gets to use the dining room table to spread out their work and use the computer for the Internet. Janine always gets her way and mom made peace by saying I could use Janine’s desk and computer in her bedroom if I couldn’t use the dining room table. This annoyed Janine, she kept her room very private. She gave in and I was allowed to use the Internet in her bedroom and get my work done. She would bring one of her friends around to study with her, often on the weekend she would spend most of Saturday in the dining room. Don’t get me wrong, my sister wasn’t a nerd, quite the opposite, she goes clubbing and has a lot of friends so credit to her for keeping her studies going strong. Okay, enough background, lets get on with the interesting part. When suddenly realised I had to really get on with my project so I decided I would be like Janine and spend all day Saturday, and Sunday if need be, working. Mom and dad announced they would be out all day shopping for a new car and we weren’t to fight. I told Janine I had to go get some notes of a friend and if it was okay with her I’d be back in a couple of hours and head up to her room. Janine agreed and said that was fine as she had a friend coming over herself and they would be in the dining room all day. Mom and dad dropped me off at Tracey’s house on their way. We chatted for about an hour and then I headed home. I noticed Janine’s car wasn’t in the driveway and assumed she had popped out for something. I found a note on the table saying just she had gone to town to paper for the printer and would be back around 1.30pm. She asked me not to use her bedroom until she got back. I didn’t think she was telling the truth anyway, it didn’t take that long to get the stuff she needed so I figured she hanging out with friends. I decided to get stuck into my work anyway, ignore her request and get on with it. The quicker it was done the quicker I could relax. I dumped my bag in my room and popped to the loo for a pee and when I walked along the landing to Janine’s room I heard something move. I wasn’t scared, more curious than anything. It was coming from Janine’s bedroom and I figured it must be one of our cats playing. I decided to sneak up on it and surprise it but as I neared the half open door it was obvious there was someone in there, not a cat. I could hear someone giggle quietly and the tapping sound of fingers on a keyboard. I had no idea who it could be, and at first I thought about ringing the police but then figured if someone was going to break in they wouldn’t waste their time on the computer. I crept to the door way and slowly peeped around the corner. The room was dark, curtains drawn but there was enough light from the computer screen although it took my eyes a moment to get accustomed to the light. Then I got the shock of my life. Sat in front of the computer was a naked woman. I was totally amazed. I realised it was Karen, Janine’s friend who was supposed to come round to study, because she had very long red hair which was now hung over the back of the chair. Why she was naked I couldn’t figure out. I suppose I should have left but I was fascinated to see what she was doing. I watched and listened. Her clothes were on the floor and I even though I couldn’t see her face I guessed she might be playing with herself because her legs were spread out and I could see her thighs. I should point out that I’ve never been interested in girls at any time, not in any sexual way, I’d had a boyfriend for about 6 months when this happened. We hadn’t done much together, kissing and touching through our clothes was all it really amounted too since I wasn’t ready to “get laid” as you guys put it so nicely. I know what everyone thinks, that us girls must sneak peaks at the other girls when they’re in the changing room after swimming or wherever and I guess in some ways that’s true. I know I’ve admired other women’s bodies, after I’ve had a shower at the gym for instance, because of the way they are toned or muscular or if there’s a woman with an obvious boob job. From my own personal experience I’ve never discreetly checked out another woman’s body and wondered what it would be like to make love to her or anything in that sense. Sorry guys, I don’t think many women think like that at all. If you put it the other way around, how many guys check out the others guys in the shower room and think, “Cor, he’s handsome, I’d love roll around in bed with him sometime!” Not many I bet! Anyway, I knew I was taking a huge risk by being there but I was totally amazed at watching Karen. I heard her moan out loud and I jumped, my front door keys jangled noisily in my pocket and then dropped onto the carpet. I suppose it felt much louder to me than it really did because I was concentrating on making as less noise as possible. I dropped to my knees scooted back out of the doorway. After a moment I inched forward and peeked around the doorway again. Karen hadn’t heard me and I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. I relaxed and continued watching in silent fascination. In the darkness of the bedroom her thighs looked a very pale white. They moved as she opened and closed her legs. Her right hand was on the desk, probably controlling the mouse, which I guessed correctly. I couldn’t see her left hand but I could plainly see her arm moving about and figured she was touching her body in different places. Karen leaned back in the chair and arched her back. I ducked my head out of sight in case she leaned so far back she would catch me spying on her. I heard the chair creak and peeped back around the door. Karen shuffled the chair back and twisted it to her left while keeping her heard turned toward the screen. Her left breast came into view in the glow from the computer screen. They were much whiter than her thighs, obviously untanned, and seemed smaller somehow than normal. I could tell she wore padded bras, they pushed her breasts up to make them look bigger. I’ll admit that my own chest isn’t terribly huge so it’s unfair to say Karen’s breasts were tiny. I’m a 32 b cup and from that distance I estimated hers where around the same, maybe a fraction smaller. With her right hand on the mouse I saw her left hand reach up and cup her left breast, she squeezed her nipple and groaned a little and then flicked it with her fingers. I was entranced by her every move. I’m not saying I don’t do what she was doing, sure I do, but I do it in the privacy of my own bed in my room at night, and sometimes I play with myself in the shower with the shower head aimed at my fanny (that’s pussy to all those American readers!) as it gives me a huge thrill. I just couldn’t believe my one of sisters friends was playing with herself only 10 feet away from me! After a few minutes I realised with astonishment that I was getting aroused from watching Karen, I could feel my fanny grow moist and felt very shocked by this. I wasn’t gay so why should I get turned on watching another girl getting her rocks off? I didn’t like where my train of thought was heading and decided I better leave well alone. Besides if Janine came home I would have to make a dash for it, Karen would hear me and know I had been spying on her. I inched backward from the door on my hands and knees and that was when the horrible thing happened. Mittens, our black and white cat had decided the best place in the entire house to sit was right behind me. I had knelt on his tail and he let out the biggest meow of annoyance I’d ever heard. I froze in panic. Karen must have heard the cat and I was in big trouble, but then she couldn’t exactly march out of the room and confront me. Even so I sure she knew someone was outside the room. I stood up and silently swore at Mittens who had dashed off downstairs. I had barely placed a careful foot in the opposite direction of Janine’s bedroom when she called out. My heart sank. “Haley? You don’t need to spy on me you know,” Karen said. Was she guessing I was there? I could feel the sting of embarrassment rising. From the distance of her voice I figured she hadn’t moved away from the computer. I didn’t know what to do. Stay and face the music or slowly tip-toe away, get back to my room and pretend I was never there if she confronted me later. “Don’t worry, it’s no big deal.” She called out. She was still in the bedroom. “I know you’re there Haley, I heard you drop your keys.” Shit! Oh Jesus fucking shit! She knew I’d been watching her didn’t she? Why wasn’t she mad? What was she going to do? She could tell my mom, no that didn’t seem very likely. Worse still she could tell Janine who would then make my life a living hell. I couldn’t hear any movement which made it even worse. I expected shouting and anger but this reaction of quiet enquiry somehow made it worse. “Haley? If you come back and talk to me I promise I won’t say a word to anyone. Not even your sister,” Karen called out to me. She still hadn’t moved, I could tell as her voice still sounded the same distance away. What should I do? I could just make a run for it, silly as it sounded but then…wait a moment…what had she said? IF you come back… a threat? What if I didn’t go back? Would she tell on me then? Wait a second, what was she going to say? I wasn’t the one in the wrong here, she was, kind off, well a hell of a lot more than I was. That was right, I was so sure that was right. I decided to turn the tables. “I wasn’t spying on you, I was looking for Mittens,” it was a sad excuse but it got me talking. “Just looking in one place where you?” Shit. “No. Anyway I’ve got studying to do. I won’t tell anyone about this.” Yes! Get out of that one. “Tell anyone about what?” Double shit. Think! What do I say now? There was nothing I could say and by not going into the room when she called out made it totally obvious to us both that we both knew what the situation was, if that makes any sense. More to the point why did she want me to go in and see her? “Okay, fine.” I gave in. The quicker I did what she wanted the quicker I could get away and forget it ever happened. The only thing that intrigued me was her insistence on me going back to see her. “Whatever you want.” “Just sit on the bed,” Karen said when I entered the bedroom. She was still in the chair and still facing the computer. “Not hard to do is it?” I didn’t plan on staring at her, it wasn’t something I wanted to do. I wasn’t gay, had no interest in women that way, but it didn’t stop me from doing the exact opposite. I sat on the edge of Janine’s bed and looked at Karens body, which I still couldn’t see that well in the light, but I could see a whole lot more than before. I could see the right hand side of her body as she hadn’t turned to face me yet. Her legs were long and slender and smooth, her stomach was always flat and her small breasts looked so pale in the dim light, it was like she wasn’t even tanned a little bit. She looked ghostly, almost virginal. After a moment, after she had let me gaze at her long enough, Karen turned her face away from the screen and smiled at me. “So why were you spying on me?” she asked. I wasn’t really sure how to answer, after all this was my house and it should be me who was asking all the questions. “I wasn’t really spying. I was just…well I don’t really know what I was doing there.” “You like my body.” “Yes…no!” I was getting embarrassed again. “Looks like you can’t make up your mind,” Karen said with a chuckle. She could see I was uncomfortable. “Look, Haley, don’t worry so much. You’re not the first woman in the world to get turned on looking at other women you know.” “I wasn’t getting turned on,” I snapped at her. “I was just…” “Lingered long enough though didn’t you? Just long enough to get a good look I should think.” “I’m not a lezzie you know,” I said. I knew I wasn’t but my eyes kept dropping from her face to her body. I kept bringing them back to her face but every time I did I started dropping them again. “I’ve never looked at women like that.” “Hey, that’s fine,” said Karen. “I believe you. But you must admit you were curious, right?” “I guess so. There’s nothing wrong with that is there? It doesn’t mean I’m gay does it?” “Not at all,” Karen said, she shook her head and her breasts bobbed slightly. She sighed. “I guess you’d like an explanation, right? It’s your house after all.” “If you want to tell,” I said. Why the hell was I being so shy and silly? I should be angry. “But it’s okay, really.” “No. I should tell you.” Karen clicked on a few windows on the screen to minimise them and show the desktop. She looked back at me. “Janine went out to meet her boyfriend before she got some ink cartridges.I felt horny so I thought I’d get myself off. No harm in that right?” I shook my head. “I suppose not.” “Glad you think so,” Karen said. “I suppose you’re pretty surprised seeing me sat here without my clothes on, right? Don’t blame you. I like being naked, it’s a thrill on it’s own. I was looking around on the net for pics and stories to read. You ever do that?” “No.” “Really? Okay. Take a look at this then.” Karen opened a window. I stared at the screen. The picture showed two naked women, 40 something, lounging on a bed kissing. They weren’t hugely attractive but they weren’t totally gross either. They were fondling each others breasts. Karen clicked NEXT and another picture appeared. Two different girls this time, both naked and one lying on top of the other. The one on top was sucking the others nipple. The next picture showed three teenage girls engaged mutual masturbation on a sofa. “What do you think?” Karen asked. “First two were a bit old, second two were pretty, looked like they were having fun but the last one is best. The girl in the middle,” I pointed at the screen. “She is nice. She has big breasts, way bigger than mine.” “Nothing wrong with yours, honey,” Karen replied. She looked down at my chest briefly. “Men often say anything more than a handful is a waste.” “Nothing going to waste with me then,” I said with a small laugh. “Want to see more?” Karen asked. I nodded. Another web page showed an orgy scene. Lots of naked people having sex. The photo focused on a woman on a bed, another women pushing two fingers inside her fanny, two men were either side of her and she was holding their dicks. Karen clicked NEXT and this time there was a photo of two girls, late teens I guessed, maybe early twenties, they were semi naked, one was naked to the waist and the other had her shirt wide open, they were kissing each other. “Like that one do you?” Karen asked. I must have made some sign that I did and I wasn’t going to lie about my feelings as I had nothing to be ashamed of. “I like that one best. They both seem a bit nervous as if they’ve not done that before.” “Oh there’s loads of those on the net,” Karen said. “Look at these here.” She clicked through a few links until a web site for amateurs opened. She clicked open a few pictures and it was obvious these were girls at parties or somewhere who were drunk and getting randy with their friends, or were so into the moment they were unaware of any photo being taken. “Girls really do this?” I asked and suddenly felt very naïve. “I mean let themselves be photographed and put on a web site?” “I think most don’t even know their photo’s are on the net,” said Karen. “Seems they wouldn’t let anyone take photo’s of them doing any of this stuff if they knew where it would end up.” “I would never do anything like that.” “It must be a thrill,” Karen said. “Getting off your girl friend or getting naked with her and knowing someone is taking pictures of you.” “Not sure about that last part,” I said. “Which bit? Having someone take pictures or getting naked with a girl?” “Oh, the pictures. I wouldn’t agree to that,” I replied. I realised what I had said and blushed. Karen smiled and patted my knee. I watched her breasts bob gently. “No harm in what you think, honey. No harm in what you do either so long as you’re in agreement with each other.” I continued to blush. Where was this leading? What was Karen saying? Or was she getting a kick out of having me look like a twat? “Anyway,” said Karen with a deep sigh. “Now you know what I was doing. I was looking on the net and getting off. I do apologise if I embarrassed you.” “It’s okay,” I said. “I suppose we all need relief some time. But I don’t…” “Just ask. It’s okay.” “Why look at pictures of women but not men?” “Want to know a secret?” Karen asked me. I nodded. “I’ve shagged a few guys, no secret there, but I’m curious to know what it’s like to be with a woman. Never done that, not all the way anyway.” “Not all the way?” I asked, more intrigued by the second. “Well, I did kiss a couple of girls,” she told me and giggled when my eyes nearly popped out of my head. “Yep. Last year on holiday in Ibiza I was dared to kiss the bar girl in a club. I was very drunk and if it wasn’t for the photo’s taken I’d swear I’d never done it. It’s not my style, even the photo’s make me cringe when the group get together.” “Wow, Karen. What about the other time?” Karen looked panicked for a moment. She shrugged and looked quickly back at the screen. “Similar thing, bit more to it but not much to tell if you get me.” I wondered if she was telling me the whole truth. I was puzzled, if she was as grossed out by kissing another girl why would she want to try it again. I frowned and Karen nodded as if to say it was all right to speak my mind. “I heard it was men who get turned on by pictures and women were more imaginative.” Karen smiled. “I like to read erotic stories on the net. There’s loads about everything you could think about. Want to see?” Karen clicked through to an erotic story website. We glanced at a few of their picture galleries first before looking at the list of story categories. There were pretty bizarre ones there, well they were bizarre to me at the time anyway. Karen asked me to choose one and I suggested “Real Lesbian First Times” since that was the topic of our discussion. I admit now that at that moment in time I was very intrigued myself to read the stories. Karen selected “My First Bi Experience” and we started reading. It was about a divorced women whose kids were at college. She struck up a friendship with a neighbour and they’d go to the gym together. After a few twists here and there they end up fingering each other in the showers one night. I selected the next story, “Lesbian Love” which was basically the same thing, two bored middle aged women meeting after work for drinks, a spark of chemistry and they ended up in bed together. Despite the thrill of reading real life accounts it seemed to me that the types of women attracted to other women were in their forties and couldn’t seem to get a man. Where were all the stories about the younger generation experimenting? I didn’t wait long. The fifth story was titled “Young, Curious & Horny” and was what I had been waiting for. I was shocked at my hunger for such a story since an hour ago I was totally straight, guys only, no girls, no lesbian action for me type of person. The story was about two twenty year olds at college both stressed over their work load and never having enough fun. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 02 Note: I need to state clearly that this is not a work of fiction. What you are about to read follows on from my previous submission to Literotica, titled: Exploring My Bisexuality , which was about what happened to me and my sisters friend, Karen, one afternoon when we were alone. I haven't changed any names just like before because I think it's more exciting when kept real. I've been writing this since my first experience with Karen, it's not really a diary but a load of my thoughts and experiences between me and Karen. Thank you to everyone who contacted me about my first posting, I appreciate all your comments very much. -------------------- Can't believe I gave Karen that note. Can't believe what has happened between us either. In one afternoon I made a life changing discovery and a huge choice. I Hope Karen keeps her word not to tell anyone about what we did. Janine (my sister, Karen's best friend) has no clue what we did in her bedroom while she was out. I want to keep it that way. I was a nervous wreck when Janine got home. Kept thinking Karen was going to tell her about our intimate meeting, but she didn't. I always find that when I write my thoughts down things get clearer in my mind. I'm not extrovert or introvert, more in the middle, I have moments of contemplation and moments of social craziness like most, but I think I may be more shy than most. Don't know why I say that but it's just a feeling I get sometimes. Like when I take a shower at the gym after a workout or swim, I don't think it's necessary to walk around the changing room in my birthday suit. I wrap a towel around, get changed and go home, while other women are quite happy to stand there in front of everyone and chat away while their bodies are on show. Is that just me or are lots of people like that? I can't be the only one who doesn't want to show my body off to everyone, can I? I'm not ugly, far from it if you ask any of the guys around my college, and I keep my body trim and healthy, but I guess shyness must have played a big part in what happened between Karen and me. I've been wondering now about the impacts of writing this down may have, I thought I would want to keep this a secret, about me and Karen, and I figure it would be a big embarrassment if my mom and dad read this but then if someone who knew me read but never told me they had then that is a big turn on knowing they had read my most intimate thoughts and about my personal life. I keep coming back to that afternoon with Karen. I was shocked at how I found Karen naked in my sisters bedroom looking at sexy stuff on the internet, and shocked at how I got turned on looking at her body and even more that I got undressed in front of her! The most shocking thing is that I pleasured another girl in a way I'd never even considered. I'm not gay. No way. Bisexual? Not sure about that either. Maybe I'm just curious and want to explore things. Maybe. Karen said she'd been with Janine once, when they were drunk at a party. They had touched each other and got each other off but nothing more. She told me neither could remember much anyway and had said nothing about it since. Karen made it obvious she want to explore further with me, but at the time I was very unsure, and still am to some small degree, but now we both know I want to do more exploring because of the note I gave her. I was so unsure of my feelings or how to act after we had calmed down. I felt weird. Like I shouldn't have done that sort of thing with another girl or gotten aroused doing it because it's supposedly not normal. Confusing or what? We all know normal is quickly becoming a strange word. What is normal? We could debate that question forever! It's seems perfectly normal now for two hugely famous female singers to snog one another on stage for the world to see. I don't want to start off a debate here, I want to tell you what happened next between me and Karen, problem is that my thoughts keep getting in the way! Right. Okay. Here's a few of my thoughts. What is Karen going to say to me when we next see each other? She smiled when she read the note and waved at me. Good sign I hope. God I hope I don't act like a complete dork when we meet up! I know nerves are something I have to deal with, I just wish I could be calmer. I can't wait to see Karen again but then again I'm so nervous about what might happen. I want to pleasure Karen in ways she's only dreamt about. That sounds so silly doesn't it? Can't think of another way to write it down. I imagine us laying next to each other, naked, caressing each others bodies, touching her warm smooth skin and feeling that build up of excitement as we drive each other mad. ------------------------- Have spent the last few days hoping and not hoping to bump into Karen at college. Each day I felt like something bad or amazing was going to happen. I was starting to get a nasty feeling that Karen had gone off any idea of us getting together again. I'd almost decided that something was wrong when Karen dashed up to me outside the bus station and asked if she could have my mobile phone number. She apologised for not being in contact as she was working extra hours at the bar. At first it felt a awkward, like we had had an argument and were just starting to make up. A minute and she was gone, waving at me as she dashed away to work. She said we should "keep in touch" easier this way, what the hell did that mean? Is that all she wanted to do then, keep in touch like a long distance friend? I felt sick as I travelled home on the bus, like someone in my family had died, seems odd doesn't it? Can't help the way I feel, maybe I'd fallen in love with Karen and that was why I felt so horrible. I truly felt like crying, and I also felt a stupid for feeling that way about someone I hardly knew. ------------------------------ Karen called me tonight. Mom thought I was coming down with a cold or something when she saw me. I couldn't help it, I had been crying. I hadn't spoken or seen Karen for over a week until last night. Such horrible thoughts I had, and even now I still wonder if I know the full truth. After staring at the TV for ages but not really watching it I decided to take a bath and go to bed. Janine was out with friends and mom and dad were watching holiday videos, yawn! I heard my Nokia ring as I was running the bath. It was Karen. I hadn't added her number so I didn't know it was her calling but when I heard her voice I felt overwhelmed by relief and then scared of what she might say to me. I'll never remember exactly what we said but I'll try. "Haley?" Karen's voice. I shivered and was thrilled to finally hear her voice. Especially when I had started to think that maybe my phone was broken. "Hi Karen." "You okay? You sound funny?" "No, I'm okay, just tired," I lied, I wasn't going to tell her why I was sounding odd. "How you doing?" "Okay, we've had three people off this week so I've had to do more shifts," Karen explained. "So I'm tired myself. Actually I'd bloody knackered." "Just think of the money you've made," I said. I was trying to anticipate what she was going to say next and prepare myself for the worst. "I managed to get next weekend off," Karen said. "I'll have chance to blow all my earnings!" "That's your reward then." "Want to come shopping with me?" "Sure," I said. I wasn't totally over the moon at this conversation. I was happy to be talking to Karen but she wasn't saying anything I really wanted to hear. Does that make me a bad person? "Cool. It'll be a blast." "Look forward to it," I replied. God that was so formal. How was I supposed to aim the conversation in the direction I wanted? "So what're you up to?" Silence. Karen wanted to say something I knew it. I couldn't bring myself to start it. That was so awkward. "Not much, lounging on my bed. Feet are killing me." "Actually I was going to take a bath," I said. Had to say something and that was all I could think of. It looks bad, like I just wanted to make her feel bad for interrupting me and that she wasn't important, but I just wanted to keep the conversation going. "Sorry, should I call back later?" "No, I can get undressed and speak to you at the same time," I joked. "You're getting undressed now?" I smiled. This was kind of going in the right direction. "Yep. Can't get in the bath fully dressed can I?" "I guess not," Karen replied. "What're you wearing now?" "Erm..." I wasn't sure if I really wanted to do this right now after feeling hurt with no contact. "Sorry, shouldn't be asking you that should I?" "Well I..." What should I say? Be all enticing and sexy or cut it short? "It's up to you really." I kicked the bedroom door shut and sat on my bed. "Tell me what you're wearing," said Karen. "And what you're doing." "I've already got my shirt off," I said, feeling a little silly. "I'm taking off my jeans right now, oh...hang on...one second...okay...now they're off." I shuffled my legs free. "I've just got my socks, knickers and bra left." "Bet you look very cute," Karen said. I blushed even though she couldn't see me. I wanted to know how she felt and what her response was to the note I gave her over 2 weeks ago. I was happy that she'd called but I really wanted something else other than cheap thrills. I don't think I've fallen in love with her, but I'm the sort of person who likes honestly and openness before cheap thrills are considered. "Karen I..." "What about the rest?" said Karen. "You want me to be totally naked?" "Sure. Go for it." "Well I'm...if you insist," I said, feeling shy and awkward. "Okay...there go the socks. Just taking of my knickers...hang on, need to put the phone down on the bed..." I flicked the lock on my door. I didn't really want anyone coming in while I was naked and talking on the phone. I quickly pulled my knickers off and unclipped by bra then grabbed the phone. I sat on my bed, shuffled back and lay down. Perhaps if Karen was sufficiently enticed she would offer some sort of explanation of her actions, or the lack of them. I won't deny that it did feel exciting to do all this. I'd never taken my clothes off on the phone before or told the other person what I was doing, so it was new thrill. "There you go," I said and took a deep breath. "I've got nothing on at all. Completely naked and lying on my bed. Nice image for you to think..." "Haley, I need to tell you something." "Yes?." "I've read your note a hundred times now. Do you really mean what you wrote?" This was it. I'd been waiting for Karen to say something like this since she left the house two weeks ago. Now the subject had come up I was back to being nervous, apprehensive and scared all at the same time. "I do. Yes." I took more deep breaths. "I'm sorry I acted weird after we had...after doing that...well you know. I wasn't sure how I felt. It was all such a shock to me." "You weren't the only one who felt like that," Karen told me. "I was so aroused by you, Haley, and annoyed when your sister came home. I thought you didn't want to know, like you'd made a big mistake." I felt like crying. Karen was saying what my fears at the time were. I choked back my sobs and wiped my eyes. "I meant what I wrote," I said. "I might act like a complete freak if we ever...well, go do anything else...I mean I want you to know that I'd be so nervous. I know I shouldn't be after what we've already done together but I am." "I kinda feel the same way," Karen admitted. "You know I've been with your sister, different thing though, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't be a bit nervous. We'd just have to relax and be ourselves." "I thought you didn't want to know," I said. I couldn't help it. My feelings were taking over. I had already expressed my desire to be with Karen and had since felt like she had turned me down. I felt tears fill my eyes. "You haven't tried to see me or call me or anything. I thought I'd upset you." "Jesus Haley, I'm sorry," Karen said. Her voice was quiet. "I've been working. You never upset me. Don't cry, please." I choked a few sobs back and wiped tears from cheeks. "I thought because of how I acted toward you afterward that you didn't want to know me. I figured you thought I was immature or too frightened to do it with you or ashamed of what we had done." "No, no, no," Karen said. "I never thought that. Never. I have wanted to call you, but if I phoned you home line your family would wonder why you were spending ages on the phone with your sisters best mate, it would have looked...weird. And I've just been so...so busy." "I know you have," I said. I stopped crying. I was such a baby, and I was starting to feel very embarrassed at myself. It wasn't as if we were going out or anything...The very idea now makes me smile! I'm not ready for anything like that yet. "Sorry." "I do want us to meet up you know," Karen said. "If you mean what you said in your note." "I did. I'm sorry I hesitated." "Stop it. Don't worry about anything." I had calmed down a lot now. Sure I felt so silly but at least we were talking about what had bothered me...quite how much I hadn't realised until just then. I couldn't have such strong feeling for another girl could I? Especially after only one time with her? No, even now I don't think it's like that, more to do with the fact that I felt rejected after bearing myself to Karen, after doing something so intimate, and with another girl which I think is more intense than with a boy. Part of my worry was that she had been telling her friends what we had done and laughing about it. I had felt so sure that she had done something like this, and at times it made me feel so sick. I had to find out. "Okay," I said with a sniff. "This is a secret isn't it?" "Our secret." "And you won't tell anyone?" "No way," said Karen after a slight pause. "I want to do more, Karen, I really do," I said, a little concerned over her hesitation. "But this is all so new to me, you do know that right?" "Haley, the other day was amazing," Karen said. Her voice was quiet as if recalling the afternoon we spent together. "I told you then that I wanted to go further and I still do. I'm not going to rush you or pressure you at all." "Easy and simple is good," I said. "Nice and slow. Sorry to be weird about it." "Stop apologising!" Karen said with mock authority in her voice. "Sorry...oh shit!" We both laughed and I felt much more at ease then. I had a strange feeling she hadn't been totally honest with me but I wasn't going to let that worry me for no reason. "So what do we do now?" "We could meet up," suggested Karen. This came as a shock, I've no idea why really as the only way I was going to explore my bisexual side was to be with another girl. I guess I'd spent so much time worrying about why Karen hadn't called me I hadn't focussed on the possibilities of if and when we would meet. "Okay," I said, in no hurry to take the next step all of a sudden. I was aware of the logistics of it all. "Where though?" "Not at my house," Karen stated firmly. "We'd never get time alone." "I know!" I said with excitement. "My mom and dad are going to my aunts in Exeter this weekend." I said. "They'll be back Sunday lunch time. I'm not going, too boring for words." "Sounds good, what about Janine?" "Oh crap, hang on..." I jumped off the bed, oddly enough I realised I was still nude and checked to make sure the door was locked. I rummaged in my bag for by diary. "...just checking something...YES! She's going on a training course at the same time, leaves Friday afternoon and won't be back till Sunday." "That's excellent!" Karen said, clearly over the moon at this news. "I have to work at the bar Friday lunch so I can come round in the evening if you'd like." The rest of the phone call was about the latest round of gossip at college. We said goodbyes and I soaked in the bath before writing this down. I'm so nervous now, can't stand it! I didn't think this would happen so fast. What if it all goes really wrong and I act like a right moron? Karen will think I'm mental. My stomach is churning loads. I keep thinking that I'm going to chicken out at the last moment. Two weeks ago I was basically blackmailed into it by Karen, well kind of, she didn't force me to do anything in the end, just got me into the room and my curiosity took over. I must be insane to agree to this. I'll be a nervous wreck come Friday night, I'm already scared half to death at the thought and it's only Tuesday! Deep down I am so excited at what might happen, and so anxious to get on with it. ------------------- It's now Thursday night and I'm so nervous I wish I could just sit and chain smoke but I can't, my mom would kill me if she knew. This afternoon I used the internet in Janine's bedroom, supposedly for homework but I had alternative plan. I wanted to read other stories of bisexual girls to see if any of them would prepare me or help me know what to expect. I checked my email first and was so shocked to find a load of emails from people who had read my first submission to Literotica. They all loved what I had written, I couldn't believe it. I read every one, even some from girls who wanted to explore their own bisexuality but hadn't quite done what I have. I hope I have inspired you in some way. I was amazed by the response, honestly. When I finished reading them I made my mind up to submit more to Literotica, maybe not just about myself, I'll have to wait and see what I think about. If anyone who sent me an email is reading this I offer my sincere thanks to you. I never expected any response and I truly appreciate all your thoughts. When I wrote down my first experience with Karen, I didn't plan on making it gratuitously sexual, filthy, dirty or anything smutty, I just wanted to write my thoughts and feelings down of what happened, just as I am doing now. Anyway, I then read a few stories on Literotica and while I did find some over the top and obviously there just to arouse the reader (no harm in that at all by the way) I did find some that portrayed women making love to one another for the first time. I found those women to be beautiful in their tenderness for each other, how they pleasured each other and took pleasure in their own bodies. By the time I turned off the computer I was horny and headed to my own bedroom. I stripped off in front of the mirror on my wall and looked at myself. I'm not outstanding in my looks, I can admit that much. I don't have any weird features that separate me from a crowd. My hair is always nice and clean, and I keep it loose around my shoulders. My best facial feature are my eyes, baby blue, very vivid like I'm wearing illuminated contact lenses. I feel like I should describe the rest of me now, okay might as well. My breasts are a 32 B and pretty white due to tan lines which are fading a bit now after our holiday in Crete last October. My areolas and nipples are dark pink and I'm one of those girls whose nipples seem to be stiff a lot of the time, which always turns boys heads if I'm just wearing a tight t-shirt. I don't think I'm terribly slim, not fat at all, just normal really. I keep in shape at the gym but don't go overboard. My stomach isn't rippling with muscles or anything and below you can see more tan lines. When we were in Crete we all joked about going to a nudist beach for a giggle, we never did, I think I'd either die of embarrassment or have to leave from laughing too much. Although, I have to admit the idea of going to a nudist beach does intrigue me, but not with my family, don't think I'd enjoy that at all. What else is there to say about me? Personal stuff: I keep my pubic hair trimmed in a V shape and my legs waxed, by bum is small and firm, a bit like a boys bum really! I take care of my body and apart from smoking (yes, I know it's bad for you) I'm in good shape. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 02 Every time I start writing I find it hard to stop. After making my decision to submit this to Literotica I realise that at some point I'll have to sit for ages and copy all this onto the computer. In that case I'm going to stop here! ---------------------- Holy shit it's Friday! Mom and dad left this morning and Janine left a few minutes ago. Now all I can think about is Karen coming here. I don't know what to do or think about or anything. I'm going to make a complete mess of it all and look like a right moron when she gets here. I feel sick with all this worry, I hate it. This is all going to go wrong, I just know it. Karen is going to see that I don't know what I'm doing and leave. I could have a few drinks before she gets here, then suggest we have a couple to steady our (well, mine) nerves. That could help, but then I don't want to be drunk when, IF, we do anything together. I want to be clear and be able to remember it. What happens if I like it so much I don't ever want to go with a boy again? Oh god what if I turn totally lesbian over night! Does it matter? What would I miss? I don't know. I haven't even done anything yet and I'm already in a panic about what I'm going to labelled as. I need to calm down. Whatever happens, happens. Nerves or no nerves I'm going to go for it regardless of if I make a fool of myself. I got to stop writing or I'll be here all day long. I need to tidy up a bit now, everywhere is clean already but at least it'll keep my mind occupied. ----------------------- Okay, it's Sunday night. Karen isn't here. Everyone is back home and I'm in my room writing. Yes, I am excited about what I'm about to write. God, I'm never going to remember everything that happened this weekend. It's going to look like I'm making it all up or worse that it'll look very dull. I'll try and write down as much as I can remember, but bear with me as I'm doing my best. Here we go. I did do some tidying up and then took a bath and before Karen arrived I was sat in the back garden smoking. At 7pm it almost all over before it started as I almost didn't hear the doorbell ring, and when I opened it Karen was suddenly right there in front of me, this really happening, right now, she was there. We headed for the kitchen and chatted about her work and general stuff. I couldn't help but admire her. She was dressed in tight blue jeans, a t-shirt with Mooney's Bar on it and had her long dark hair back in a loose pony tail. I was wearing a baggy jumper top and a pair of gym slacks, not the most glamorous of outfits I admit. After my decision not to have a drink I thought it best that I did. I poured two vodka and cokes and we sat in the living room, chatting about irrelevant things, I don't even remember what they were. After a while, no idea what time scale, Karen told me she knew she was bisexual since she was 14 and even though she had only been with one girl (apart from me) my sister, in any sexual way, she had screwed a few guys but it left her feeling unsatisfied. I wasn't very chatty, I think my nerves were getting the better of me. I think Karen seemed to notice this and abruptly stood up. She held out her hand which I slowly reach out and held. I stood up next to her and she leaned forward, I closed my eyes and I felt her cheek brush against mine so slowly. Then I felt the soft touch of her lips against mine, brushing every so gently against my own. We'd done this before, but it still felt new and exciting to me. I couldn't resist, I opened my mouth a little and her tongue slid first over my lips then lightly into my mouth where it met and touched my own tongue. It was an amazing moment. We hugged each other close, our lips sliding together, I knew I was trembling slightly and when we parted we smiled and Karen gave my hand a gentle reassuring squeeze. "Can I undress you?" Karen asked, her voice amazingly soft and quiet. I nodded. I could barely think yet alone make my voice box work. Karen moved her hands slowly and carefully, raising my jumper top up over my face, I lifted my arms and she pulled it away from my body. I was starting to feel the nerves rise again but didn't panic, after all I was enjoying it. Karen ran her hands gently down my arms and held my hands. Then she knelt on the floor in front of me and tugged the waistband of my gym slacks over my hips and down my thighs to the floor. I was almost naked now, with just my bra and knickers left and Karen was till fully clothed. I wasn't going to feel silly, not this time, but I couldn't help but be very aware of what I was doing with another girl, something that wasn't normal, or not normal to me anyway. Karen stood and looked into my eyes. "Don't look so worried." I couldn't help it. Emotions were rising to the surface, doubt, anxiety, fear maybe of the unknown. A big feeling of foolishness mixed with an over riding sense of urgency to put my clothes back on, but I knew I also felt excited and growing ever more aroused and that was what kept me going. I remember so clearly how she made me feel before when we masturbated and I wanted to experience that again. Karen unclipped my bra and then slid down my body, slipping my knickers down to the floor as she went. She stood before me once more and stepped back and looked at me, at my body. I felt my cheeks flush with slight embarrassment. "You are beautiful, Haley," she told me. "Told you before didn't I?" "Yes," I managed to say. "Shall I undress for you?" she asked. I nodded. Still standing there, Karen pulled her t-shirt out of her jeans, lifted it over her head and dropped it on the floor. She dropped hr jeans next to the t-shirt and then removed her bra. My eyes must have been bulging because she smiled at me looking at her body. She bent down and pulled down her knickers. We stood like that for god knows how long, just looking at each other. Before I had seen her in the light from the screen in my sisters room, it had bathed her body in a white glow. Now in the living room with the gentle low lights her body seemed more enticing somehow. Hard to describe really, she looked more approachable and warmer. "Karen, you are amazing," I said. My voice wasn't much more than a whisper. "You are so sexy." Karen stepped up to me and place her hands on my breasts. I jumped at he sudden touch. She smiled and leaned forward. We kissed again, just as gentle and loving as before, only this time I was very aware of being naked, again with a girl, not in a shower room or in a bikini on a beach, but in my living room in my house. I felt her hands move on my breasts, she cupped them, I felt her fingers brush against my nipples, teasing them gently. I finally managed to move my arms, it was like they had been locked tight against my sides. Now I wanted to touch her warm skin and explore with my hands. I pulled her closer to me and my hands glided over her shoulders, down her arms and back to her bottom where I cupped each cheek gently. We continued to kiss for a while, both of us exploring each other, my hands roamed over her body, I could still feel the nerves were there, the slight fear of doing something new, exciting and kind of forbidden. Does this make any sense? It's hard to write down what I was feeling at the time. Karen lowered her head and took my nipples in her mouth, her hot tongue flicking then between her lips. I shivered at the touch, whimpering slightly as her hands held me bottom while she teased me. When it was for me to reciprocate I kissed my way down each breast from her throat before licking her nipple with my tongue, feeling its stiffness against my soft wet tongue. I sucked on her nipples, toying with them between my lips as she had done to me. I heard her moan ever so quietly and smiled to myself. I wasn't feeling half as weird as when I first stood there without my clothes on while Karen was fully dressed but part of me still felt awkward, I just couldn't figure out why. My fanny was wet, I could feel it becoming more moist with every passing moment. We moved back and sat on the sofa. We kissed again, holding hands and when we looked at each other Karen moved her hand up my thigh. I parted them slightly, guessing, hoping, what she was going to do. I was still trembling with anticipation. Her fingers slid up my inner thigh very slowly, when they touched my fanny I whimpered quietly . "Touch me, Haley," Karen whispered. I smoothed my hand down over Karen's breasts, over her stomach where my fingers lightly grazed her pubes. Her thighs opened and I moved lower, the tips of my fingers tracing the line of her fanny lips, down and then upward. With unhurried sensual strokes my fingers parted them, sliding against her slick labia, and then I eased my index finger up inside her making her gasp. My breath was caught in my throat when her fingers brushed against my clit. A sudden thrill passed through my body and I groaned deeply when she flicked her fingers quicker, teasing my clit, sending pulses of electricity up my spine. We stared into each others eyes as we played with each other. I was no longer filled with nerves, a deep sexual desire took over me as my arousal grew and grew. I felt two of her fingers push gently inside me, sweet relief for my desire. I shuddered against her body. I drove another finger inside Karen's fanny and teased my thumb over her clit, pleasuring her more, making her shake and whimper. I could feel her rapid panting on my face as we kissed and hugged each other tighter. I could sense my climax approaching deep within. Karen bent her head and took my nipples in her mouth, in turn she sucked them, rapidly flicking them with her tongue. As she did this I used my free hand to cup her left breast, pinching her nipple, her arousal forcing her to suck harder on my own. We kissed, deep, sensual and slow, then faster and harder. I was breathing in ragged gasps by this time, my body almost slapping against Karen's as if we wanted to merge into one being and enjoy ecstasy on a newer higher level. "Cum for me, Haley," Karen whimpered. "Karen I...oh...I want us to climax together..." I panted, kissing her again and again, our mouths clashing together, sucking each others tongues. "Haley...yes...together...faster please...." Our bodies pressed together, breasts sliding against one another. It was such an amazing feeling, her supple body against mine, the feel of her rigid nipples slipping and prodding against my soft skin was so intensely erotic. "Karen! Christ I'm...I'm so close...harder...yes..." I cried out. "Make me climax...deeper...please go deeper....Christ!" "Haley! I'm cuming!!! Argh yesss...fuckkkk yes...I'm cuming now...!" We moaned and groaned as we both climaxed in unison. My body shook as wave after wave of pleasure flowed through me. I continued to slide my fingers in and out of Karen's fanny and rub her clit with my thumb. Her fingers pushed deep inside me as my orgasm rocked my body. I think my orgasm wasn't just due to Karen's fingers and body close to mine, but also due to the overtly arousing feeling that it was a woman which drove me to such passionate heights. Looking back it seemed like such a mixture of things that made it so unique – the thought of being sexual intimate with a girl and feeling such a swell of emotions, the naughtiness of doing it in the living room while my parents were away, the way in which we took pleasure in each other, exploring each others bodies together, without all the crappy stuff selfishness that you find with men. We panted our way to a slower pace, still holding onto to each other. Then slid our hands from between each others thighs and hugged each other tight, we kissed again, our breasts touching each other and I loved the feeling off her skin against my own. We lay on the sofa and looked into each others eyes for a while, I've no idea how long it had been since Karen first arrived, could have been hours ago. Karen kissed me. "Haley, that was just...well simply amazing," she said with a wide smile. "Mind blowing." I smiled back. It wasn't everyday I received a compliment for that sort of thing. "Want to know something?" I said. Karen nodded. "I've never had an orgasm like that," I told her, feeling a tinge of shyness talking about my private life. "Intense doesn't come close." "More to come I hope," Karen said and winked. "Shall we have a drink? Don't know about you but I'm gasping for one!" I didn't put my clothes on. This time I just stood up and walked into the kitchen, I did experience a surge of embarrassment as I got up off the sofa but it was not like before in Janine's bedroom where I felt shy and awkward. I felt a bit silly walking around the house naked, not sure if it was because it was in front of Karen or because I had never walked through my house without clothes on before. I returned with two bottles of Bud and Karen passed me a cigarette. We sat on the sofa in silence for a moment, smoking and drinking our Buds. It was a nice peaceful moment, both of us lost in our own thoughts after our exertions. I stubbed by cigarette out and leaned back on the sofa. "Remember the pictures I showed you on those websites?" Karen asked as she put her cigarette out. "In your sisters room?" "Yeah, the amateur photos of the girls," I said. Karen smiled. "And the stories I showed you, remember those?" "I've read more since," I said. "Mostly about girls being with others girls. Some are obviously made up but others I think are from people who genuinely did what they write about." "They always turn me on," Karen said. "The true stories. They're so sexy." "I know I was a bit shy the last time, felt kind of awkward, know what I mean?" I asked Karen who nodded. "I'm kind of eager to take things a step further now. It might be weird if we...I mean when we're doing it but now I want to find out what it's really like." "Me too," agreed Karen. Question was who was going to go first. Sounds a bit silly really now I write it down and read it back but that is what the situation was when broken down into logical steps. I was slouching back on the sofa and Karen was sat near the edge. I didn't object when Karen slid forward onto the carpet and shuffled about until she was in front on me on her knees. I'm not sure I would have done that first, and was a little relieved when Karen took the initiative, after all she had more experience than I did. Her hands touched my knees and our eyes met as I looked down my body. She parted my legs and shuffled forward until she was sat between my thighs. I could see her looking at my fanny, an almost hungry look on her face. She raised herself up, kneeling at full height, smoothing her hands along my thighs pushing her hands together so the travelled across my pubic strip and up my stomach. She leaned forwards, her hands roamed up my body, cupping my breasts which rose and fell from my deep breaths, giving them a gentle squeeze, pausing for a moment to tease my stiff nipples. Then she smiled at me and ran her hands back down my body to my thighs, where she pushed them further apart. "Taste me," I whispered to her. Her head moved forward and I felt her breath tickle my skin. Her nose nudged my pubes and I twitched when her tongue flicked over my clit which was still very sensitive. I gasped as she licked at it, using the full length of her tongue against it before delving down and began to explore my fanny. Her tongue caressed my wet lips which she then parted with her fingers. I moaned when I felt her tongue slip inside me and I gripped my breasts, pinching my nipples. "God Karen," I whimpered. "That's good...soooo good." Karen's mouth and tongue seemed to know exactly what it was doing as she pushed her tongue in and out of my fanny like a mini cock. It felt like I was on fire, the heat in my fanny was amazing, and I felt so slick and wet too. Her tongue switched back and forth between entering me and licking and sucking my clit. "Karen I'm going to...oh yes...use your fingers...please..." I felt two fingers enter me and start slither in and out while she sucked, licked and teased my swollen clit. I was in heaven. Pure and simple. My entire body was thrilled by these new sensations and any moment I was going to explode. "Karen! Karen I'm going so close....oh God...faster please...oh oh..." Her fingers pushed into faster and deeper and her tongue went mental on my clit. I was yelling and screaming for more, I can't really remember what I was saying and it doesn't feel right when I try and right it down. I don't know how long I was in that state for, like I said before it could have been hours for all I cared, it was that good. I was going to hit a huge orgasm, I knew it. I was gasping for air. "Make me climax...Karen please...do it to me...oh God yes yes yes..." Then it hit me. My body thrashed and twitched as the most amazing feeling washed right through it. Cloud 9 was nothing compared to this. I could feel Karen fingering my fanny and sucking hard on clit as pleasure overtook me. I calmed down little by little and Karen slid her soaking fingers and scrambled up to kiss me. I tasted my juices on her mouth and tongue as we kissed long and deep. Her wet fingers caressed my breasts and we hugged each other tight. "Oh my God!" was all I could say when I saw the expression Karen's questioning face. "Karen I...Jesus!" "Good huh?" Karen asked with a smile. "I bet it's..." "Hush," I told her and pushed her onto her back. I dropped onto the carpet next to her and shuffled between her legs. I was so eager to repay her and wanted her to feel what I had. I basically copied what she did to me, smoothing my hands over her body, feeling very curve and line of her smooth skin, totally immersing myself in her. The firmness of her stomach and the softness of her breasts was beautifully complimented by her rigid dark nipples that I teased for a moment before dragging my fingers down, down and through her pubes. I winked from between her thighs and moved my face forward slowly. We kept eye contact until it was broken by her breasts. I could smell her scent as I neared her fanny lips. They were still wet from our previous masturbation session and I slowly extended my tongue. I could see her clit at the top of her lips poking out and I aimed for it, using the flat of my tongue to lick it. Karen moaned long and low as I licked her stiff clit. Her body trembled as I flicked and teased it. I placed my lips around it and sucked gently, making her whimper. Next I wanted to taste her, for the first time I was going to give another girl oral sex, taste another girls fanny. This was it. I wriggled my tongue between her fanny lips and slid inside her hot and very wet fanny. I could taste her immediately as her juices began to flow, it wasn't bad to be honest, sweet yet musky. "Haley...oh shit that's good..." Karen panted. I smiled and began to push my tongue in and out of her fanny then switching back to her clit, giving that a good tease. Back and forth I did this, feeling her thighs grip my head when I sucked her clit then relax and twitch when I entered her fanny. "Haley...use your fingers...oh shit please put your fingers inside me...finger fuck me...." I did as I was begged! I easily placed two fingers inside her and pushed them back and forth. "Ohyeah...that's sooo fuckin good..." Karen whined. I concentrated on showing her clit a very good time. I was surprised by the amount of fluid dripping out of her and regularly moved my mouth to almost suck her dry like it was hot sweet nectar from a very forbidden fruit. I wanted Karen to climax, wanted to hear her yell as that rush shot through her body. I increased the speed of my fingers inside her and hungrily lapped up her juices. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 02 "Haley I'm...shityeah...I'm cuming...harder please...yesyesyes...I'm cuming...Haley....ohfuck.... I felt her body tense and shake as her orgasm hit her. She was moaning and crying out so loud that thinking back I wonder if the neighbours heard her! When she had calmed down sufficiently enough she pulled on my arms, I scooted up next to her and she licked her juices off my fingers before kissing me, her tongue exploring my mouth, my tongue slipping against hers. "Oh shit," she said and took a deep breath. "Haley, you so know how to do that so fuckin good." I gave her left nipple a kiss. "Amazing." "No shit. More, more, more!" she replied with a huge smile. We had another Bud and a smoke. Relaxing on the sofa, legs entwined, kissing and gently touching each others bodies, not able to get enough of each other. It was like we had discovered a brand new drug and were instantly hooked. I'm sure it was around midnight when we decided to shower together. Again that was a new experience for me, showers at the gym were very much a time of rush, wash and hide but with Karen it was hot and sensuous. We soaped each others bodies, feeling our breasts rub together, the fountain of water made us slippery. We didn't change, just dried off then dropped onto my bed. We cuddled for ages, talking about things, boys, college, our feelings both physical and mental. Later on we made love in my bedroom, that time was longer, more erotic than the first urge of passion and lust filled desire. I'm not saying the lust was gone but we were happy to take our time, to explore and excite in a slower almost more romantic mood. Saturday we went shopping and then spent the entire evening naked, lounging around the house, either in the living room or my bedroom. We made love 3 times Saturday night, the last time we fell asleep on my bed and woke up around 6 Sunday morning. We both knew Karen would have to leave early on Sunday as my parents would be home sometime and it wouldn't be easily explainable why Karen was there. We said our goodbye's, both promising to see each other more. I can't say I'm a 100% converted lesbian as I simply don't have enough experience of other girls yet, or boys for that matter. I'm not sure if I'm in love with Karen or just in lust mode, a deep infatuation perhaps. We both agreed we'd had the best weekend ever and want to repeat it very soon. I think I got over my shyness, maybe not all of it, there were times when I felt awkward like when we got back from shopping. Karen took a shower and didn't get dressed. She walked into the kitchen totally naked while I was sorting out a pizza delivery. She insisted I got naked too, that was a bit odd, taking off my clothes in the family kitchen, probably because it was something I never had done before. What was weirder, but in no way nasty – quite the complete opposite, was when I hung up the phone and Karen stood behind be, fondling my nipples and fingering me to orgasm while I bent over the kitchen table. It was amazing and erotic as hell but weird as it was the family kitchen table! I'm not sure how this is all going to work out, if we'll become lovers, if I'll eventually say that I'm a lesbian or bisexual or what. Maybe that's sometime way in the future. When we get together next we want to explore more, we both know we've had our horizons widened and have so much more to do and experience. --------------------- I think there are two reasons why I have sent this into Literotica: 1) because I hope it's erotic enough to arouse people both physically and mentally, 2) because my own experience might possibly inspire others girls who are like me, curious yet shy, to try and to experience sexual intimacy with another girl. As I copy this from my book to the computer I have been checking my emails and am amazed at how many people have taken their time to write to me, thanking me for publishing my innermost thoughts on Literotica. Well, I thank you, the readers for your praise, I never thought I'd do anything like I have done over the last few months, let alone write it down and let others read it! A few people have suggested I try writing something else, that I have a story telling gift. I have enjoyed writing down my thoughts and experiences so I think I'll try my hand at writing something fictional next, erotic of course! Perhaps, when I have more to tell, I'll give you more to read about me and Karen. Haley Fuller Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 03 That weekend with Karen had really opened my eyes, it was such an amazing experience, although I wasn't entirely convinced i was 100% official lesbian and even now I wonder how you work out what your sexuality is. Maybe it's worked out by the percentage of people you have sex with or who you want to have sex with. I think I must be one of those very naive people because after my first submission to Literotica I got an email from a lady thanking me for a good account of my experience and welcoming me to the world of Sapphic love. I was very thankful to receive email from someone who had enjoyed reading about me, but I do confess that I had no clue was Sapphic meant! I had to look it up in the dictionary! No joke. Cambridge Online Dictionary says: Sapphic - women who are sexually attracted to other women... Okay, I can live with that definition for the time being, I was attracted to Karen and can see how beautiful women are, but sometimes I over analyse things and wonder if I was really attracted to Karen or was it just lust and feeling turned on at a specific moment. It drives me nuts sometimes thinking about stuff like that. Before I never thought "yeah, my sisters best mate is well sexy, I'd like to see her naked or have lesbo sex with her!" it wasn't in my head at all. Since Karen, I've been in some strange situations, some were very erotic and sexy others were scary and not at all fun and some just bonkers - I'll tell you about them in a moment. Should I believe that if it wasn't for being attracted to Karen these things never would have happened? need a time machine really. I'm not nuts or anything but when I'm in my bed at night I like to get my thoughts down in my diary so they're not swirling around in my head keeping me awake. This is why when copying stuff from my diary onto the computer it sometimes looks like a mass of jumbled thoughts and stuff but I have tried to make it read like there's some sense to it. Anyway, I won't type on and on about nothing for ages. I want to get on with it and you want to know what happened after that weekend with Karen. I'll tell you one thing before we start, I couldn't make any of this up if I tried, I had no idea anything like this could happen, especially to me! ----------------------------------------------- 3 days now since Karen and I were together. haven't seen her. still can't believe we did it with each other! my sisters best friend, a girl! it was amazing and I'm still thinking about it constantly. it wasn't like the first time in Janine's bedroom, that was a bit strange and I was very unsure of myself then, but that night when Karen came round was pure ecstasy. I get nervous just thinking about, did we really do it? what we do now I got no idea. will she want to see me again? will she want to do it again with me? god, I don't know if I could, that sounds so silly, we've already done it, been there done that. but the idea of taking off my clothes in front of another girl in a sexual way makes my stomach feel weird, even though I already have with Karen. I must be nuts. when is she going to call me? -------------------- Karen came round today, she spent the morning with my sister lounging in front of the TV, she said "hi" to me and nothing more. why is she acting like I don't exist? is she ashamed of what we did together? has she told my sister all about it? the do seem to be laughing a lot and Karen looks over at me when they laugh. I couldn't take it any longer and moved my college work up to my bedroom, couldn't concentrate so am writing in my diary now. perhaps Karen doesn't want to see me again, or thinks I'm just some kid she had fun with one time, Jesus she is only a bit older than me! where does she get off acting like that, after all we're adults now not children. feel sick now. ------------------ I'm so stupid. got a text from Karen. PLS CALL ME luv K. She sent it after she left for her Sunday roast at home. I had to wait ages to call her, had to sit and eat Sunday lunch with mum and dad and Janine and couldn't think about anything but Karen. Anyway, we just had a chat on the phone, it was weird as hell. basically I had to pretend I was calling Angela about some college project we were doing together. Had to watch what I was saying because my dad was watching the football, mum was in and out all the time doing the back garden and Janine was loafing about listening to her headphones. I was shaking when I dialled Karen's number. I prayed no one else but her would pick it up otherwise I'd have to hang up and pretend I'd dialled her number by mistake. lucky, Karen picked it up and said hello. seems she was lucky that everyone else in her house had gone food shopping so she was alone. "how are you doing?" she asked me. "okay, bit bored, always board on Sundays." "know what u mean, nothing to do." "tell me about it" We chatted about nothing for a minutes until I realised I was supposed to be talking to Angela about our project. "So how much of our project have you done?" I asked in the hope Karen would realise what I was doing? "What?" "I've done a few bits, introduction mainly." Please get with it Karen, please. "What are you talking about?" "Yeah, college projects are like that," I said, watching to see if anyone was looking at me. "Get with it Angela." "Angela? What the...? Oh hang on, you got people listing in on you, right?" "Yeah, that's it." "Oh this is gonna be fun," said Karen laughing. "I thought you were going mad. So I'm supposed to be your mate Angela am I?" "Yep." "She good lookin?" "Not exactly." "Not sexy like me then?" "No, not se...piously," I said biting my tongue. "That was a close one," Karen said laughing. "Sorry I couldn't say anything to you earlier when I was round, I don't want anyone to know about us." "I don't either," I said, relieved that she did WANT to say something but couldn't. "It wouldn't work out very well." "I wasn't ignoring you. I wanted to call you before but there's always something stopping me, parents, walk dog, go shopping, go to work, argh!" "Exactly the same here," I replied, wishing I could say what I wanted, wishing no one else was here to hear me. "And now I am free and you're not," Karen said with a sigh. "This sucks you know." "Yeah," I said with feeling. "Big time." "I could wind you up though, that could be fun." "How?" "I can tell you how I'm unzipping my top" Karen said. I could hear the zipper over the phone. "I can tell you that I'm putting my hand inside my vest, I'm not wearing a bra today so I got smooth skin all the way." "So nothing under then?" I asked hoping that wouldn't sound strange and totally college related. "Nothing at all under, if you got what I mean," said Karen. "In fact I can pull my vest right up so my chest is open to the air. My nipples are all hard too. quite sensitive today. am giving them a nice gentle squeeze, hmm nice. I wonder what else I can do, what do you think?" "I...well I wouldn't know about that," I said, I couldn't believe this, here I was getting turned on and there were people everywhere. "I've got my full length skirt on today," Karen told me. "Oh, the denim one?" I asked. That was innocent enough. "Yep. Shall I pull it up to my waist?" "That's a good idea," I said. I was getting good at this fake talk. I was also getting very aroused. There was a muffled sound and then a bang. I heard Karen swear. "Sorry," she said a moment later. "Was pulling my skirt up and dropped the phone!" "So you're done now then?" I asked. Getting adventurous with the erotic/college project translation I pushed it further. "Should be good viewing." "I think so," Karen almost purred. "I'm almost totally naked in the living room now." "Almost?" I said. "Almost is never good enough." "That's right sweety," said my dad still glued to the TV. At least now I knew someone was vaguely tuned into my conversation. "A dare?" Karen said with a small chuckle. "I accept. One sec..." the phone went muffled again. "...half way there now, vest is history. Now I'm sat here in the armchair facing the window, topless." "Going below the belt is a challenge," I said and clenched, so sure that sounded wrong. No reaction from dad. "If you insist," replied Karen. More muffled noises as the phone slipped down by her hair. "Ta-da, all gone. I'm naked. Nude. Bare assed for all to see." "Anyone?" "If they're out for a Sunday dog walk and look in they'll see me, naked, staring right back at them." "Wow," I said. "Bet you wish you were alone now!" "Very true," I said. I could feel myself getting wet. "It's a site I'd like to see." "I'm very wet, Haley," Karen said. "I'm sliding a finger over my fanny now, its so wet..." I could hear her moan a little and pretended my jeans were annoying me. I adjusted them and felt the stiff material rub against my fanny. it was so bad. I was tempted to hang up and dash to my bedroom and get some relief but I'd look so weird doing that. All I could was sit and squirm bit by bit as Karen told me what she was doing to herself over the phone. After a few agonizing minutes I heard Karen swear. "What?" I asked as calm as possible. "My parents are back, shit! Got to go. Bye." The phone went dead. I was silent for a moment. Horrible vision of Karen's parents pulling up on the driveway and catching a glimpse of their daughters naked body dashing upstairs to get dressed. I almost hung up and realised I would have to finished the conversation normally. That was so bad, I just wanted out of there as quickly as possible. I managed it and got up to my room, just about to slip my hand inside my jeans when my mum came in and handed me a list of things she needed from Tesco down the road, milk, cereal blah blah. I grabbed my phone and coat and headed down the road. It was getting darker, I hate winter, no snow these days just bits of rain, loads of wind and drab grew skies. so dull. half way to Tesco I sent Karen a text. U ESCAPE OK?ANY1 C U?GOIN2TESCO NOW.SPK2U SOON. x I hoped she was okay, and not having to explain what she was doing lounging around naked in the house. She must have been fine. Got a text back a moment later. ALL GUD.NO1 SAW ME.MEET ME BY BOTTLE RECYC 5MINS. K. I read the text several times as I walked to Tesco. She meant the bottle bank recycling centre behind Tesco car park. What was she up to now? I thought she didn't want to get caught with us seen together. Should I meet her? I was tempted to say I couldn't, that I had better get my mums shopping and head home as soon as possible. I knew Karen lived about the same distance from Tesco as we did. my hear was banging in my chest when I crossed the car park. It was 5.20pm, Tesco was closing at 6 and there were still people coming and going. It was far from deserted and empty. I couldn't return home without the shopping so I dashed inside, grabbed milk, bread, cheese, washing up liquid, mushrooms and bacon, sped through the checkout and back outside in 3 minutes. I past the bus shelter, trolley park and headed round the back of the store, no less deserted here either, since the exit for the car park was right next to the recycling centre. I pushed past a bunch of kids on bikes and slowly strolled across the tarmac. Where was Karen? she did say 5mins didn't she? I checked my phone again. Yep, 5mins. I hung about for a second then walked all the way across to the other side, passed the huge bottle bins where fencing separated the car park from back gardens of the local housing estate. I sighed and was about to text Karen when I heard her voice. I looked about but couldn't see her in the failing light. It was almost dark now. Car headlights shone back and forth across the car park as they came and went. I looked around me, and it wasn't until a car headed for the exit that I saw Karen. She was concealed in the entrance of an alley way that lead from the car park to the neighbouring street. She waved at me to come over. I glanced about and headed back across the tarmac toward her. I stopped for 3 cars to dash past before crossing the exit and standing in front of the alley entrance. "Don't just stand there!" Karen snapped. Her hands shot and jerked me into the dark dingy alley way. I wasn't prepared and bumped into her, pushing her against the fence. We stared into each others eyes for a moment. I dropped my shopping bag and she pulled me close to her, arms wrapping round me, her lips seeking out mine, my hands holding onto her as we kissed, her hot lips clashed against mine, stark contrast to her cold cheeks. Her tongue darted between my lips and we kissed passionately. I could feel my fanny moisten and I felt how unfair the situation was, I wanted Karen so badly and I sensed/knew she wanted me too, but we couldn't. Not there in the alley way with cars driving past lighting up the place. I felt Karen's hand move, her fingers fumbled with the zipper on my jacket, she pulled it down and pushed her hand under my t-shirt, her icy cold fingers making me flinch for a second as she dislodged my bra. She shoving it up toward my neck so she could tease my already very stiff and aching nipples. I moaned into her mouth as she gently toyed with my nipples. I wanted to be somewhere, anywhere else right then, it was so unfair. while a huge part of me was so aroused I was scared to death we would be seen any second! We parted briefly, Karen smiling at me, she undid the top buttons on her denim skirt and pulled it down a little way, there was just enough light for me to see she wasn't wearing underwear. her skin seemed to glow white in the dark. she smoothed her hand over her pubes and winked at me. "Karen...what are you...?" "No time," Karen said urgently. "Quick, undo your jeans." I stared down dumbly, was she serious? We were going to... right there in the alley way next to Tesco? Oh no way! I started to shake my head but her cold hands were already fumbling with my jeans, she popped open the button and slid the zipper down. My skin was cold with the wind blowing in the alley and I was really thinking this was a bad idea. "Karen we can't...we shouldn't do this...what if someone sees us?" "No one cares," she replied kissing me again quickly. "Even if they do they'll only see your back, with that big coat they'll just assume it's a guy and his girlfriend having a quick snog." "But..." I glanced across the car park. "What?" said Karen following my gaze. Only a hundred yards or so a mother and kids were packing food in their car. I could see the trolley collector guy pushing a snake of trolley's back to the store. she was right, no was taking any notice. "People can see..." I said feebly. I shrugged. "Oh shut up!" she said with a laugh. "It's exciting! isn't it?" "that much is true," I said. She caught my eye and leaned forward to kiss me again, fast and deep. "Come on then!" she said. I felt her hand push down past my undone jeans, into my knickers where her fingers found my clit instantly. I gasped as she gently stroked it. "Touch me too," she said before we kissed again. I forgot the car park, fuck it, was what I actually thought. I reached out and cupped my hand against her fanny, feeling it hot and slippery against my fingers. I rubbed them up and down her lips before parting them and pushing two fingers slowly inside her. She groaned very loudly and forced herself down onto my fingers. She followed my actions, leaving my clit and roughly pushing two fingers into my fanny. "Oh Karen...oh shit..." I whimpered. I couldn't believe what we were doing, I wasn't going to stop though!! "Haley...finger me harder.. urgh yeah....make cum..." "Oh god Karen...I want to climax...Karen...uh uh..." I was so turned on. The dingy surroundings, the possibility of getting caught any moment, the fact that my chest was exposed and Karen and I were finger fucking each other right next to Tesco's...well it blew my mind! We fingered each other hard and fast until we climaxed, it was rough and quick, nothing like when we were last together, that was an exploration of each others bodies. This was pure wanton lust and I loved it. As we clung to each other in a post orgasmic state we both smiled. In the streetlamp I could see a film of sweat on Karen's skin, she licked her lips and I kissed her again. She brought her fingers up to her face and licked my juices from them, I copied her, feeling another thrill rush through my body. I just could not believe I was out in a very public place licking Karen's juices from my fingers. We redressed quickly, now it was over I realised how cold the wind was against my skin. "You're crazy you know that!" I said to Karen. "You didn't exactly complain!" she replied. "You're a horny slut, Haley," she added and kissed me. "Am not!" I said a bit too prudish. Karen laughed. "You won't tell...anyone?" I asked her, then felt very silly. "Never." Karen was very serious now. "This is between us. I'm not going to tell anyone." "I was just worried, you know, about my sister, thought you might have said something to her." "Not a word," Karen assured me. "Now, there's a birthday party a week this Friday, a friend of mine, Fran. She'll be 21 so her parents have agreed to let her have a big party while they're away. You want to come along?" "Is Janine going?" I asked, suddenly intrigued. Did Karen want me to go as her...girlfriend? "She'll be there," Karen said. She saw my look of doubt. "Don't worry I got a plan to get you there without making a big deal of it with Janine." I wanted to go, but if we were to keep our secret what was the point? I so desperately wanted to see Karen more, and even though I totally enjoyed what we had just done with each other in the car park it wasn't really the idyllic setting I really wanted. "Well okay," I said still unsure. "If you think it'll be okay." Karen kissed me full on, he tongue sliding into my mouth. Quick and fast and I loved every second. She parted. "It'll be great, you'll have fun." "Okay." "We better get going before we're in trouble," she said stepping away from me. "I'll call u later if I can. Love ya." She turned and jogged away down the alley. I felt a knot of despair in my stomach. I didn't want her to leave so soon, but then we had to keep this a secret. Neither of us wants the hassle of parents/friends etc giving us a hard time or otherwise if they found out we were screwing each other. I picked up my shopping bag and headed home, reliving our brief encounter made me smile and I started looking forward to this party. ------------------- Thursday Karen came round this evening. She spent most of the time in my sisters bedroom where they were trying on all sorts of clothes for the party tomorrow night. On her way upstairs Karen had chucked a ball of paper into my bedroom, luckily no one saw her do it. I pulled it open and this is what it said: "Loved seeing you the other night. you make me so horny, can't wait till we're together again. party is tomorrow night. am telling Janine some of your friends are going so why don't we take you with us as well, actually I think some of your friends really are going, Fran's sister Lucy is your age, isn't she in your year at college? anyway, we'll have a laugh. see you soon sexy. K." So she did have a plan after all. I think I remember Lucy from college, she hangs around with a group of Goth girls in the canteen, all black clothes and black make up, I think that's depressing. After a while I was writing in my diary on my bed when Janine stuck her head around my bedroom door. "You coming to this party then?" she asked with a sneer on her face. "Yeah," I said, quickly closing my diary. "Lucy's invited some of us over." "Karen suggested you come with us, yeah well don't pull a face sweet heart," Janine said in a condescending way. "If we don't offer to take you mom and dad won't let you go. We're supposed to be the responsible ones who'll look after you all night, as if!" Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 03 "Okay, fine," I said with a sigh. "Just don't make fun of me, okay?" "Whatever baby sister," Janine said and laughed. She headed back to her room where I heard lots of laughter. No one could see me but I was still embarrassed. Was Karen laughing at me too? Would she do that? I had to know what they were talking about so I crept along the landing to her room but I still couldn't hear anything. Her door was slightly ajar and I could see a bit of her desk which wasn't much help. Then I spotted her mirror. I inched forward a bit and was reminded of the day when Karen caught me spying on her when she was masturbating while using Janine's PC. Through the mirror I could see Janine sat in her chair, I squinted to see the screen and could just make out photos of something but couldn't see what exactly. Then Karen walked right in front of me. I froze. Had she seen me? I almost bolted for it but I did a double take. Was she...naked? Karen was naked in my sisters bedroom!! No way! I stared into the mirror on the other side of the room and breathed a half sigh of relief, she wasn't naked, not entirely. She was wearing her knickers and bra and was trying to wriggle into one of Janine's vest tops. They were just trying clothes on. No big deal. "Good or bad?" Karen asked. Janine turned and pulled a face. "Okay then, won't be wearing that." Karen laughed and peeled off the top. I'd seen enough, they weren't doing anything bad. I suddenly felt like a jealous fool, thinking Karen was laughing at me. I shuffled backward and knocked over a wash basket behind me. "Who's that now?" Janine barked. Oh shit!! I froze and panicked for a second but had to think fast. I jumped to my feet and picked up the basket and started walking. I bumped into Janine as she appeared in her doorway. "Oh it's you," she said. "I thought someone was spying on us." "No," I said and held out the basket. "Mom asked me to get your laundry." "Just wait there," Janine replied turning away. I gaped at Karen who was now just standing there in just her knickers. She grinned at me and turned around on the spot letting me take a good look at her body. I felt very shaky. The fun was over when Janine returned with an armful of clothes. She caught me staring. "Urgh, you a lesbo or something?" she said with a sour look on her face. "Don't be so gross." "I'm not a lesbo," I replied hotly my face burning red. "Whatever," Janine said. "Karen cover yourself up before my lesbo sister jumps on you!" Karen faked shock and grabbed a towel to wrap around herself. "Don't say that!" I said. "I didn't expect to see Karen like that is all." "Sure. Go now. We're busy." I turned and left quickly, taking the laundry basket downstairs and returning to my room and my diary. An hour or so later Karen headed to the toilet and kicked open my door. I looked up expecting to see my sister behind her but didn't. I smiled weakly. "Sorry," I said quietly. "It's fine," Karen replied. "No harm done. Come here." I got off my bed and walked over to her. She glanced about then leaned forward and kissed me full. I was shocked but gave into it, feeling her warm sweet lips on mine. I wished we were alone. "Hey Kaz!" Janine called from her room. "Come look at this." Karen pulled away and smiled. "See you tomorrow." I collapsed on my bed and started writing this in my diary. How am I going to make it through the party like this? I'm already a nervous wreck! Maybe I shouldn't go? I don't want to get caught with Karen by anyone, my life would be over. Oh God, what am I going to do? ---------------- Saturday I don't know if last night was the best or worst night of my life. The embarrassment, what do I do? So much has happened since yesterday I don't know where to begin. Okay, calm down, deep breaths, just start at the beginning. We headed to Fran's house at about 7pm. She's a classic rich chick, her parents are investment bankers or something. She has a huge house on the outskirts of town, something like 8 bedrooms, 5 with en suite bathrooms, there's a games room, a cinema room, a gym, sauna, and a pool in the garden. I don't understand why people in England have outdoor swimming pools because for about 6 months of the year its too cold to use them. The house was full of people, she must have invited half the university or something. Music was playing in different rooms and people were laughing and talking everywhere. I admit I haven't exactly been to many house parties so I didn't really know what to expect. Lucy came over with two of her Goth friends and said hello, then they spend most of the night sulking in the kitchen, probably talking about death or something equally morbid. A few of my friends from college were there, Anne, Rachel and Yvonne were already chatting up the guys 3 years older than them. Typical flirts. I hung out and had a laugh with them, then got talking to a few of the guys my sister knows, they were funny, having drinking games and giving each other challenges. I've always wondered what it would be like to live in a sorority house in an American university and go to all the wild parties, I reckon this was as close as I would get. It was a good party, there was a lot of alcohol but I didn't get totally drunk, my parents wouldn't be very happy if I came home and puked on the carpet, besides Janine kept an annoying eye on me the whole night. There was even a pool which some people were jumping into fully clothed. It was quite later when I noticed a lot of people had either fallen asleep or had gone home, there were small groups of people here and there, talking, playing on the Playstation or playing a drunken game of poker. I had barely seen Karen all night, and when I did Janine was with her except for the game, I'll get to that in a moment. It was nice, don't get me wrong but I would have liked to spend time with her, but I suppose that wasn't really the place. Anyway, the game was kind of like truth or dare, there was a group of us in the kitchen, drinking shots and laughing, I didn't know most of them being Janine's friends. Craig decided it was time to play some silly games and we did play truth or dare for a while, but the lads never got to see any naked girls, most took the truth option which for lads was obviously boring. Then Fran came up with the Closest Game, basically this involved a forfeit being placed on anyone choosing Truth, you could say your truth or go to the closet upstairs and wait till someone called you, like losing a turn and missing out on the fun. There were 3 closets, A by the bathroom and B by the bedrooms and C by the balcony. It was up to you which one you took but one person had to give the loser instructions to do certain things in there if they met someone, then they had to report back about what had happened the same person from the group who couldn't tell anyone else what you said, only that it was the truth. Anonymity was more or less assured, kind of. If people lied then they had to go back to the closet. Naturally this would have to involve pitch black conditions and no talking. No one would find out who the other person was. It was pretty manic for a while, people dashing back and forth, lots of laughing and tales of groping in the dark. It got to the point where people where more interested in the closet then dares or truth. At one point there could be 6 people upstairs, the lights were off upstairs so no one would see who they were with once they stepped out and the rule was that one of you left first and the other 1 minute later. A couple of people went to the closet for a few minutes, Craig even ended up with a girl in there and spent some time making out or whatever with her. It was good fun hearing about what happened and everyone was staring at everyone else trying to find out who had felt up whom. Until I was asked Truth or Dare and since I wasn't prepared to do any dare I said Truth. "How many boys you slept with?" asked Lee, an art student 3 years older than me. I shook my head. The group decided I had to go to a closet, if I found anyone I had to French kiss them for 3 minutes. I slumped off upstairs in a mood, knowing someone was already up there. The booze messed my memory so I couldn't remember who was closeted. Some people waited to ages to come back down because no one had joined them yet to let them leave. It was dark on the stairs and I shuffled along the corridor where a luminous sticker said "A" and I saw "B" sticker and "C" much further along. I hesitated, then chose "C", took a deep breath and opened the door. It was empty. I breathed a sigh of relief and then realised that if someone found me they would have to do whatever instructions they had been given. Not so good. I waited for ages. Downstairs I could hear muffled laughter. After what felt like hours I heard footsteps walk past the door. It opened and I gasped, staring into the darkness. I felt hands touch my face then my shoulders as they tried to find where I was. The door closed and I felt very stupid. It was a game, but a nerve wracking game at the same time. Your senses get heightened when you lose one and I could smell after shave, it was a boy then. But who? God knows. I honestly still don't know even now. I froze when the hands touched my chest and cupped my breasts. OH my god! I felt the hands moving as they pushed up my vest top and bra so my chest was exposed to his touch. I couldn't help it, my nipples became erect as he touched and squeezed them, then I felt something wet and realised his mouth was on them, sucking one nipples then the other into his mouth. I sighed as I felt tingles in my fanny, I was getting turned on! Then one of his hands took mine and placed it on his crotch. Oh shit. What did he want me to do? I pulled my hand away. I wasn't sure I could do that. I heard a zip sound and then his hand took mine again, only this time I didn't touch cloth I touched something hard and very hot, yes I know it sounds naïve but at first I couldn't figure it out then I gasped when I realised it was his penis! His hand on top of mine, wrapping our fingers around his hot dick and slowly rubbing it up and down. I could hear him breathing heavily below my face as he licked and sucked my nipples. He took his hand away and I carried on rubbing him. After a few strokes his hand returned and covered mine, I realised what he wanted when he started speeding up. His hand left and I wanked him faster. It was getting slippery. I was very aroused at this point. I don't think I would have stopped him if he'd tried to touch my fanny, I wanted some action too by this point regardless of who it was with, it was just amazingly erotic. He was grunting and moaning and humping my hand as I wanked him harder and harder. Suddenly his body tensed and jerked. "Unh...oh yeah!" he grunted, not observing the silence rule. His dick became very stiff in my hand and I understood that he was ejaculating. I was making him cum! His sperm jetted across my hand and arm as he shuddered against my body. I continued rubbing his dick until he had finished. Then he straightened up and I heard his zipper again. I felt skin on my face and the smell of booze. He kissed me roughly and then opened the door. I stood still for a moment trying to comprehend what had happened. I knew the game rules but never actually thought I'd end up doing something like this. Would anyone know it was me? Would I know who it was I had masturbated in the darkness? I wiped my hand on a tissue in my pocket and pulled my bra and top back down. I was already feeling embarrassed before leaving and facing everyone. I had enjoyed it, defiantly but it wasn't my ideal setting for something that intimate! I left the closet and headed downstairs, passing Rachel who was heading up. We smiled at each other but didn't say anything. I got back to the kitchen and noticed no boys where around. Apparently Craig was taking a whiz, Tim had passed out, Lee was still upstairs, the twins Carl and Mike were mixing up more cocktails and Josh was busy puking in the downstairs toilet. I stared at the girls, knowing full well my face was very red. Karen was smiling at me, god knows what I would say to her when we were next alone. Janine looked accusingly at me which I ignored. "So what happened?" Fran asked. "I couldn't see much," I said, not looking anyone in the eye. "Yeah, it's dark," said her sister Lucy, her black lipstick lips smiling. "It's dark, that's the idea. Just tell someone what you did and they can confirm it." I looked about. Not Karen, that would be too hard, not Janine, couldn't tell her what I had been doing, that was weird. No way Lucy, she was a freak. Not my friends because that seemed too personal. I cupped my hand to Fran's ear, she was only one who seemed impartial. "Someone took off my top," I whispered very quietly. "He played with my...with my chest...my boobs, licking and stuff and I...and I wanked him off until he spunked." I pulled my face away from her ear. My own face so red I thought I was going to die or that someone else had heard my report. Fran smiled at me and patted my shoulder. "She's lying isn't she?" Lucy asked. "Nope. The truth." "Drinks are on us," Carl announced as he and his brother returned with jugs of cocktails. "So who's back now?" I raised my hand. "And? Was it good for you?" "Must have been, she's got a smoke on the go already!" said Mike with a grin. We played again, the boys came back, even Josh who had vomited and seemed much happier. I relaxed. I couldn't possibly have anything worse the next time, not that there would be a next time, the game would either be over by my next turn or I'd take a dare and run round the pool naked or something. It was 1am by the time my turn happened again. I almost chose dare. It was so quiet as I sat on the barstool with everyone watching me. I sighed and chose Truth which I didn't answer. Closet time. Lucy was nominated to give me my task which I almost disagreed to on the grounds that if it was with one of her friends I think I'd puke! But I accepted it and trudged upstairs. I should have counted myself lucky really, most of the others had been up and down 6 or 8 or more times so far. Back in the darkness. I went for closet "A" this time, picking out the luminous sticker on the door and opening it with a deep breath. Phew. No one there! I was lucky. I leaned against a file of boxes and waited. Again I must have waited ages, I started to think that everyone had given up and gone home when the door shot open and closed just as quickly. It was silent for a moment. The other person not doing a thing. Maybe they didn't realise anyone was in here. I moved my body a little to make some noise then I felt a hand on my arm. I tensed up but relaxed when I smelled sweet familiar perfume. Was it...? I could only hope. A hand touched my face, yes it was a female touch, not rough and ready like a boys eagerness. Another hand came to my face, they studied me for a while as if trying to read who I was like Braille. The left me and I felt movement. Odd. The rustle of clothes and a zip sound. I couldn't figure it out. Then I felt hands touch me, seeking out my hands which were pulled toward her body which I discovered was naked! She had taken off her clothes and was stood in here naked with me!! She pulled me toward her, we hugged each other for a moment then she kissed me, he mouth sliding against mine, her tongue pushing between my lips and exploring mine. I could smell something familiar, the deodorant...it was Karen...wasn't it? It smelled like her but in the dark I had my doubts. I felt very bad for doubting myself like that, I should be able to work out if it was her since we had spent enough time exploring each others bodies. She pulled away and moved my hands to her face allowing me to feel he nose and lips before she tugged them down to her chest. I felt her soft skin between my finger tips, cupped her breasts in my hands and rubbed my thumbs over her nipples that grew stiff under my touch. She urged my hands over her stomach, lower where I felt a patch of pubic hair, soft and trimmed...yes! Just like Karen! I wanted to say something and almost told her who I was when I stopped with my mouth open...I could be wrong, even now I could still be wrong about what my senses were telling me. I couldn't take that risk. She guided my right hand to lower, I cupped her pubic mound and she lowered her vulva onto my hand. She was hot against my fingers and I realised what her task was, she had to find someone to bring to orgasm. I slid a finger back and forth over her lips, parting them gently, feeling them slick and wet as I delved slowly deeper. She was hot and ready for my fingers and obviously very aroused. I slid a finger inside her slimy fanny making her gasp. I eased it in and out, hearing her breathing in the darkness. She gripped my hand and thrust it harder. I pushed a second finger alongside the first and pushed them both deep upwards as she shoved her body down onto them. I raised my thumb and skimmed it between her fanny lips to the top where it touched the tight hard tip of her clitoris. "Oh," she whimpered quietly. The silence rule was never going to be followed that strictly. "Y-yes...oh." I massaged her clit with my thumb while I finger fucked her juicy vagina. I knew I was wet myself, this would be the second time I had done someone else and not had any fun myself. She was shuddering and panting as I continued my masturbatory session on her. I leaned toward her and in the dark found her nipple with my mouth where I sucked and licked it. This make her shudder even more and I desperately wanted to pull my jeans down and finger myself at the same time. I was fingering her faster and my thumb was flicking over her very hard clit. She couldn't stand it much longer and was making noises which weren't too loud and certainly weren't enough to give away who she was. "Yes...oh yes...oh...oh..." She could hardly speak, her voice barely a whisper as she whimpered and moaned. I thrust up against her body, my hand rubbing against her fanny, fingers embedded up inside as far as they would go, her juices dripping onto my hand, her skin was damp with perspiration and her chest bobbed up and down with her deep shuddering breaths. I could hardly keep my mouth and tongue on her nipples they were moving about so much! "I'm...oh yes...yes...oh...cuming ....oh, oh oh, oh, oh!" Her body shook and shuddered against mine as her orgasm took control. I felt more juice flow onto my hand, her fanny tightening around my fingers. She panted and shuddered for ages, I removed my fingers and parted her fanny lips, gliding them upwards where I pressed them against her clitoris, pushing, rubbing and teasing it. She climaxed again from my touch. "Yes...oh....unh....yes...there yes, yes! Unhhhhhhhhh!" Eventually she calmed down and I removed my fingers from her soaking fanny. Her breathing returned to normal and she took a deep controlling breath. We parted and I felt her moving about, possibly getting dressed? I couldn't be sure. I was feeling so horny I was considering waiting until she had left so I could pay some attention to my own needs. I felt a sudden touch and flinched at the unexpectedness. Her hands moved over my stomach and up to my chest. In the dark I could still hear her breathing deeply, what was she doing? I realised at once that she was going to fulfil her challenge given to her downstairs. Should I do something to stop her? I mentally shrugged, if this was Karen then I wasn't going to stop her. Problem was that if it wasn't then I'd feel very guilty over this, but I couldn't tell? Her hands began to undress me, she lifted up my vest top and bra and began smoothing her hands over my breasts, her fingers teasing my stiff little nipples. In seconds she had undressed me, I felt silly stood there in a dark closet, naked, with what I had to assume was a total stranger. I couldn't be sure it was Karen, sounds so silly I know, but I wasn't convinced. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 03 The mystery girl touched my body all over, her hands roaming at will. I was so horny I just wanted to climax. She made me turn around so I was facing away from her, then she pressed her body against my back, her sweaty skin slipped against mine, her nipples traced a long line down my back while her hands cupped my breasts, kneading them with her fingers as they too travelled down my body. Her mouth touched the cheeks of my bottom, her tongue licking it's way between my cheeks until it ran across my anus, I know that sounds crude but I don't know how to describe it! My but hole? My ass? All I knew what she had her tongue slavering away on it sending shivers up my spine, I couldn't help but groan a little. Her hands reached under me, fingers exploring the folds of my fanny, delving between my wet lips making me tremble loads. Without warning she pushed her fingers slowly and steadily inside me. I gasped at the sudden yet welcome intrusion and thought I would orgasm right then and there! "Uhhnnnnn...." That was pretty much all I could say. Her fingers went straight up into me and then slowly out again, I whimpered and thought my knees were going to give way any moment. She pulled me back so I was bent over, holding onto the bookshelf at the back of the closet. Her fingers felt my for a moment then they were on my bottom, I felt breath on my skin and then her tongue slid right between my lips from top to bottom. The with one hand parted my fanny lips while the other began fingering me from behind. I've not had sex in the "doggy position" before but it this was very nice! Her fingers slipped in and out of me, her momentum gathering until my entire body was jerking back and forth with the force. Her other fingers found my clit and started rubbing it, this sent me over the edge and I felt my body tense. "Yessss.....I'm....uhnnn...cuming....oh....uhmm....yess, yes...yes!" I don't think I was breaking that much of the silence rule really, besides my voice was barely a whisper. I convulsed as my orgasm shook my body, my mystery closet lover thrusting her fingers faster as I shuddered and groaned. I reached down and pushed her fingers away, the feeling was just too intense, overly sensitive and I had to stop. She smacked my bottom playfully and we both stood up. Nothing happened for a moment, I regained my breathing and then I felt her mouth on mine, our sweaty bodies against each other as we kissed long and deep, our tongues clashing together. We parted and in silence redressed. I was on the verge of saying something, to find out if it was Karen, then the door opened. I wished there was some light out there to give me a hint of who it was but it was all too dark. The door closed and I breathed a big sigh. I couldn't keep this up for much longer, I was worn out with the nerves of it all. I waited 2 minutes before leaving the closet and making my way downstairs to the rejoin the group. I wasn't as embarrassed as before but I still felt the sting hit my cheeks as I entered the kitchen. Lucy was smiling in a sly way and I cupped my hand to her ear. "I erm...it was with a girl...she was naked and I...I masturbated her..." It was so embarrassing telling another girl I had just had lesbian sex. Lucy nodded and then cupped her ear against mine. "And what happened?" I shrugged. "She had an orgasm and then...well she undressed me and...made me bend over. She fingered me from behind until I climaxed. Is that enough?" I whispered. Lucy smiled at me and looked at the group. "True confession," she said. The group applauded. Janine entered from the toilet looking flushed and hot. She stumbled a little and looked at me. She smiled without humour and then announced that we had better be going before our parents blew a fuse about us being late. Everyone moaned but then others suggested they had better get going also. The game had been running for hours and we all agreed it had been fun, very warped, anonymous erotic fun though. Karen, Janine and I headed home, no one said anything. We said hi to mom and dad then headed straight for bed. Karen slept on the inflatable mattress in Janine's room, she wasn't able to say anything to me in private but I was dying to know if she was my mystery closet lover. I would have to wait. How long I didn't know. I fell asleep and woke around 6am and started writing. It took my ages to get down everything I could remember and now all I can do is wait and see what Karen says. I hope it was her in the closet otherwise I'm going to feel so guilty cheating on her like that. I could already feel the sick feeling in my stomach. More later. ------------------------ Sunday Oh god. Shit. Fuck. Oh Jesus Christ. I think my life is over. This is really bad. I can't believe it. Shit. How the hell am I supposed to get out of this? What was I thinking? I shouldn't have gone to the party. Christ. Okay, get a grip. I need to get this down while it's fresh in my mind. Start at the beginning. Okay. After writing everything down about the party the night before I was wide awake and decided a good hot shower would feel nice. No one else was up yet, it was 10am and my parents were out doing the garden centre trip. Janine and Karen were obviously sound asleep so I had first go in the bathroom. I stripped off, grabbed clean clothes and dashed across to the bathroom. It felt good to feel the water on my body, I must have stunk of sex and booze after last night, which I was still replaying the events in my mind. When I got out and was drying myself off I could hear voices. Laughter. I paused and recognised Janine's voice easily. The bathroom was in the middle of Janine's bedroom and my parents and sometimes you could hear people talk, the walls are pretty thin in our house so privacy is a bitch sometimes. Yes, I have heard my parents doing it on occasion. I don't get grossed out by it. I don't think it's very pleasant hearing your mom and dad having sex but they're not old or dead so it's only normal! I strained to listen and padded over to the bathroom door and realised I could hear every word they were saying. I might have missed a few bits out here but this is roughly what I heard. "Yeah, it was pretty wild." Janine. "Craig is well horny for you." "No way!" Karen. "He likes Fran, spent enough time hanging around her last night like a trained puppy or something." "Wonder if they got it on in a closet?" "Wouldn't surprise me, don't know how you're supposed to tell who your with though unless you both find out later on." "That's the whole point!" Karen said with a laugh. "You don't know. The thrill is anonymity and possibly finding out when your challenger lets you know." Silence. I was as quiet as possible. "So are we going to confess to each other?" Janine. "Sure. I got no secrets. It was only a game. We all agreed on the rules." "Go on then. Spill." "No way!" Karen laughed. "You first. You brought it up." "Uh-huh. This is my game, I call the shots! You want to know what I did you go first then I'll tell." "Whatever. You really want to know? Then you'll tell me?" "Sure." "Okay then. I copped off with a guy. We did some kissing, he felt me up a little. Nothing major. No skin. Two times after that I waited for the 10 minutes then came out. Nothing happened. The last time I found a guy in there. I was supposed to wank him off which I did but the poor guy couldn't keep it up. That was quite embarrassing for him." "Holy shit!" exclaimed Janine. "Who was it?" "No idea. Not a clue what he said to his challenger but it was the truth so I reckon he said it all went to plan, unless he didn't and ended up back in the closet as forfeit. Hard to tell. Apart from that, nothing else happened. Someone else obviously had all the luck." Now this is what started making me panic. If Karen was telling the truth that meant my mystery girl closet lover wasn't her, but someone else. I felt my stomach knot up. "Your turn. Fess up." "Crap." Janine. "Okay. Fair's fair. First time, same as yours more or less. I had to snog this guy, feel his up through his jeans. Pretty lame." "Not bad. Go on." "Second time. Guy comes in, gets my jeans down and fingers me. That was okay, I didn't cum though but it was nice." "You slut!" "Shut up!" Janine said laughing. "Third time a girl came in, she took off her top and obviously had to get someone to lick her nips, boy or girl. So I did that." "You lesbo!" "Am not! It's a game, it could have easily buy a guy! And then the last time was a bit different. That was weird but easily the best." "Ahhh. Hot shit then? Tell all!" "This goes no further okay?" "My lips are sealed. Promise." "Okay." I heard Janine take a deep breath. "I was told that whoever was in there I had to get naked, get them to feel my up then get them to bring me off then return the favour to them. I'd already kind of done that anyway. I took closet A." I suddenly felt so sick. I held onto the sink with both hands and honestly felt my stomach turning. I breathed deeply, concentrating on not puking. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear anymore but I had to know, had to be sure. "So I felt around, touched a face which was a girls." "Ooh, lesbo moment coming up!" Joked Karen. "Knock it off. I'm no dyke! You want to hear the story or not?!" "Sorry. Go on." "Anyway, I went through with the challenge. I took off my clothes but it was weird being in there naked with another girl. I wasn't going to back down though and lose the challenge. I pulled her close and hugged her then kissed her." "Tongue?" "What? Well...okay yes there was tongue. I held her hands on my face to let her know I was a girl as well. She didn't back down so I carried on. I moved her hands over my chest and she played with my nips for a bit. Then I..." "What's up?" Karen. "Getting horny just thinking about are we?" "No...well...no. Am not. Just listen." Janine didn't sound too happy. "I got her hand down my pubes and she seemed to get the message and knew what my challenge was. She fingered me pretty good, I don't mind admitting that much! I have to say I did break the silence rule. I couldn't help it." "Tut, tut!" Karen said with a chuckle. "You must have been enjoying yourself. What did you say?" Silence. Then: "Not much. God I hate you! 'Yes yes' and stuff. This girl must have lesbo tendencies I reckon because she got me off really good, she knew how and where to touch me. She was sucking my nips too which I wouldn't have expected from a straight girl." I was almost sick right then. I felt my throat tighten and I sunk to my knees on the bathroom floor. This wasn't happening to me! I didn't do it with my sister did I? This had to be a dream or a joke or something. "So you came then?" Karen asked. "Yes. I wasn't actually going to do anything to her. I was happy to just lie to my challenger and leave it at that but I...well I thought..." "Why stop here when you're starting to enjoy it? Right?" "Yeah. So what? Doesn't mean I'm a lesbian. I was enjoying a sexual moment. Big deal." "Okay. Fair enough. I totally agree with you. So you carried on?" "Yes. I admit it. I undressed her. Took off her vest and jeans and I played with her nipples. Then I turned her round and bent her over. I fingered her fanny and rubbed her clit too. I admit I was really horny. I wanted to make her cum. I even licked her a bit too. I don't care what you say, I'm not gay...I was...lost in the moment." "So she came then?" "God yes! She was jumping and moaning loads when she climaxed. It was pretty awesome. I gave her a quick smack on her butt, we kissed and then got dressed." "Wow." Karen said after a minute of silence. "Ever try it again?" "Now you're being nasty! But...well I don't know. I like guys. I like having a guy screw me hard, but this was soft and sensual. It was erotic like we were making love to each other and not just fucking." That was when I realised. It hit me. I had masturbated my own sister. I didn't know what to do. What could I do? Nothing. I wanted to be sick, I wanted the party never to have happened. Yes it was fun and very arousing at the time and I know I did enjoy it immensely but...my SISTER!! I managed to get a bathrobe on and crept back to my room. I sat for ages on my bed not knowing what to think or do or say. I started writing this down before I forgot it all. I did want to forget it ever happened but something deep down made me think that maybe I shouldn't be too worried, no one going to find out where they? What are the chances they Janine will ever find out it was me she fingered in the closet? That it was me who made her climax? What do I tell Karen? We're bound to have this conversation at some point. Do I confess and see what she says? Do I lie? Shit. I don't know. I'm a bit calmer now, don't feel so sick but how am I supposed to act toward Janine? How can I look her in the face? I need Karen. I want to confess to her, to hear her tell me it was okay, that it was just a game and no one will ever know, that I wasn't to know who it was. I shouldn't have played it, I should have realised there was a risk I might end up in a closet with my own sister. I just didn't think at the time. Anyway. I can't write anymore. --------------------- Note: I do have more to tell. I've been writing this for ages now from my diary notes and I think I'll send it to Literotica as it is before It gets really too long. I do have much more to tell about my life so I'll type it up as fast as I can. I wasn't sure if I wanted to send this in at first, that maybe someone would realise who I was and tell my sister. It's a long shot that someone I know would actually read this on Literotica and make a connection. Besides I've had some very nice comments from people who have read my submissions previous. I thank you for your kind comments, it means a lot to me that people enjoy reading about my life. I don't care that much now, it's been a couple of months since that happened with my sister in the closet and things have moved on since then. I promise I'll write more of what has happened to me. If you'd like to let me know what you think you can email me. I'd love to hear from anyone who has similar situations to myself. I'm not a writer, I don't make stuff up about myself just to fulfil some bizarre fantasy. I think it's best to stick to the truth and let others think up the truly erotic stuff. Hope you enjoyed reading about me. Many Thanks Haley Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 04 I've been catching up with my diary for ages now but there's so much to tell I feel like I'll be copying this stuff into the computer when I'm 60! I do have a holiday diary which I'm doing next. I'd like to thank those who have emailed me with their kind words. Feel like it's worth it when people contact me with words of encouragement. So many thanks. Even though it's been many months now (for me) since my very first time with Karen I am still copying diary notes up from ages ago. I'm also trying to condense a lot of stuff to keep everyone from falling asleep! It's been quite an emotional time for me writing this so I hope you can appreciate that it's not always easy for me to find the words. ------------------------- Wednesday Night It's been a few weeks since the party and the Closet Game. I was so upset when I overheard my sister, Janine, talking about when she had done with another girl in the dark closet, even more so when it dawned on me that the girl had been me. For days I couldn't look her in the face or barely speak to her in case she caught on and realised I was her mystery closet lover. Karen wasn't much help, not that it's her fault really, I haven't been able to tell her the truth about the party. I lied and told her I was with boys and nothing much happened, just fumbled groping in the dark. I feel so bad and guilty for lying to her but I haven't been able to tell Karen the truth. I know I'll have to soon because it's making me ill, almost as bad as coming to terms with the fact that I had been intimate with my sister. I can't get over it. Maybe I should see a psychiatrist or something. I have tried to tell myself that I didn't know it was Janine I was feeling up or masturbating in the closet, therefore I shouldn't feel so bad. It doesn't help. All I know is that a line was crossed and I am the only one who knows about it. Well, I assume I am the only one. Janine may well have figured it out by now, but if she has she hasn't said anything to me about it. What to do? Nothing yet. But do I tell her it was me? Do I risk it just to clear my conscience? Maybe Janine would hate me if I did or call me a liar. Who knows maybe Janine would secretly love it to be me! Jesus, this is a weird world! I read some incest stories on Literotica about incest. Some of them are very fictitious and way over the top, others are quite good and deal with peoples emotions and not just the physicality of the situation. Okay I admit I did play with myself while I was reading them. Can't believe I admitted that! They are erotic and I'm only human and got aroused. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy being with my sister in that way, because I didn't know who it was at the time. Now I realise that maybe I'm not up for incest, the game the whole family can play. I understand where people are coming from, the lustful feelings family members may harbour for the siblings/parents etc, but it doesn't feel very natural for me to think of my sister that way. Anyway, I can't sit here writing about this forever, I'll go mad if I do. I've got college work that needs sorting out and exams soon. I'm never going to cope. Help. ----------------------- Saturday Night. I must seem like the most boring person in the world. I never seem to go out, or I never seem to write about it. So tonight I went out with my friends. A few bars, some drinks, it was good fun. Even though I am now thinking about it, I wasn't thinking about my sister or the "incident" at the time. I was happy, relaxed and enjoying myself for once. Anne and Rachel were having a great time chatting boys up but I couldn't get into it for ages. Then as the alcohol took effect and my inhibitions dropped I found I was talking to a very nice boy, Spencer, while Anne and Rachel cavorted on the dance floor. He's same age as me, goes to a different college though. He's quite sweet, blue eyes, nice body from what I could see, lovely smile and not egotistical like a lot of the boys there. At the end of the night I found that I didn't want to leave it at that and was pleased that he asked me out for a drink in the week. I accepted and am now in a bit of a mess. Do I go out with Spencer? Do I tell Karen first? Do I tell Spencer that I've been seeing someone else and me and him must remain friends? Do I tell him that I'm seeing a girl? Jesus! Got to think. ------------------------------ Sunday Afternoon. Had to get this down before I forgot it. I was in the bathroom taking a long bath, Dad and I had been working on the garden in the sun and I was feeling very grotty. Mum and Dad went out shopping and as I lazed half asleep in the bath, playing with the bubbles. I love the feelings of bubbles heaped on my skin, piling them on my nipples and feeling them slide off slowly like a mini bubble avalanche toward my stomach. I could hear voices. I strained to hear but it was muffled, figured it was Janine on the phone. It wasn't until a few minutes later when I heard my name that I became more curious. I slowly rose out of the bath and stepped out, made my way to the sink, where I had listened to Janine talk to Karen about the closet game weeks ago. I had a sinking feelings in my stomach again and that whole conversation suddenly came back to haunt me. I could faintly hear her side of the phone conversation so didn't get every word. This isn't going to be very accurate but I'll do the best I can. "...just a kid so big deal...I didn't mind her being there if that's what you mean...Oh. No, Fran has gone travelling round Europe for the summer...exactly, we're not going to find out soon." I think she was talking about the closet game, trying to work out who had been with whom. Pretty certain she was talking about me. "...no way! I don't want to do it again! You're joking! I might have said that then but...yes it was amazing...but I...I said...will you let me speak! Okay. It was brilliant and horny too, whoever I did it with, but that doesn't mean I want to jump into bed with every girl I see. No. Sure I guess. If it was the right girl, right time and place...maybe...I don't know...I'm not going lesbo or anything you know... Don't you want to know who your mystery closet lover was? Of course I do but it's not number one on my to do list..." I knew then she was talking about the closet game. So she did want to know who it was! I was getting worried now. Lucky for me Fran, Janine's challenger, was away so I had a few months breathing space before she came back and Janine could ask her. Problem was would Fran tell all or keep it a secret? I couldn't' hear much more after that so I dried off and got dressed. I'm still anxious about Janine knowing it was me, but I'm pretty sure if she does find out that she can't and won't do anything about it other than be weird with me. I hope she isn't. Anyway, more studying to do. ------------------------------ Tuesday Night. My date with Spencer tomorrow. I haven't told Karen about it. We spoke on the phone last night, luckily Karen has 500minutes free calls every month so she uses them when her and my family have gone to bed so we can speak to each other. It's exciting when she calls, makes it feel more daring, more of a secret to keep between us. She has promised that we'll meet up soon, no idea how because we both need alibi's which is hard to organise. Wonder what will happen with Spencer. Hope he's as nice as the other night. I'm quite nervous now, more than I realised. Deep breath. ----------------------------- Wednesday Night. Phew. It's done. Date over with. I can stop worrying. Everything went okay. I met Spencer at Henry's Bar, it was pretty quiet and we had several drinks and some good laughs. We seem to be on the same wave length humour wise and got on really well. He was polite and very much the gentleman, offering to pay for the drinks and holding the door open for me. I have to admit I really enjoyed his company. We caught a taxi and we held hands back to my house, when I got out he caught me unaware with a nice kiss, not too long or short, just right I have to say. I felt a slight thrill when he kissed me. He said he'd call me if I wanted to go out again, I agreed that would be very nice and he got back in the taxi and headed home. Most of my evenings are spent studying or round my friends houses or sat in front of the TV so it was a welcome change to get out for once. I haven't decided to tell Karen about Spencer yet. I am feeling guilty about 2 things now, firstly about not telling Karen about Janine, and now Spencer. Feel like I am cheating on her in an absurd way. I can't bring myself to do anything about it. What do I do? Tell her and hope for the best? I truly hope she would be understanding but part of me worries so much that she would be very upset and that would be the end of it. I couldn't blame her though, I'd be upset if someone told me that too. ------------------------------ Friday Night. It's been 2 weeks since I last wrote anything interesting. I must look like a right boring nerd dork! I have been out with Spencer 3 more time now, we have good fun together, he's never pushy, always polite and happy. I wonder if he's the most optimistic guy on the planet, he's always smiling! We haven't done anything other than kiss yet, he's pretty good at it too. The last time we went out, on Thursday last week, we were kissing while waiting for our taxi home and couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to sleep with him. I was getting aroused by the time the taxi arrived. I got into bed and was falling asleep when Karen called. She was feeling lonely and since we haven't seen each other in ages was missing me, I felt guilty for not feeling the same way. I do miss her very much, I miss her smile and comforting voice and I guess I have been preoccupied with Spencer lately. I told her I missed her, not a lie, I started thinking about our last time we were together, seemed like ages ago. The alleyway by Tesco, it was naughty and risky and so highly erotic. Karen told me she plays with her fanny and thinks of me at night. That got me hot thinking of her lying there playing with herself. We both realised we were desperate to see each other again and had to make plans. I know my time with Karen was mind blowing, and amazing experience I wouldn't trade for anything, but was it just a phase? Have I done my experimenting bit now? Would I see Karen again because of lust, because of the risk involved being a turn on? Or is it because of something deeper? I am very much into Spencer at the moment. Is that lust or the bus of love? God that sounds corny! How do you separate lust from love? Can you be in love and still lust for the same person? Jesus, life is weird. --------------------------- Saturday Afternoon. We've just come back from the travel shop with Mum and Dad. We had a holiday booked ages ago but because of Dads job he had to change it, and now they've decided to allow Janine to bring Karen along. They asked if I had anyone I'd like to bring, but since Karen is already going and because of our secret I can't say anything about that. I would have liked to bring Spencer but Mum and Dad would have had a heart attack thinking I was going to be spending the whole holiday locked in my room with him. I just shook my head and said no thanks. So they've rescheduled the holiday from July 2005 to March. That's a couple of weeks away. Our family will now go into holiday overdrive, buying clothes, getting sun lotion, all the holiday junk us Brits seem to take with us. How am I supposed to act around Karen on holiday? Jesus, this is going to be the best holiday ever or my worst nightmare! Got to go. Shopping starts here! --------------------------- Thursday Evening. Day off Wednesday. Went shopping. The whole family. How nice. I feel so relieved after yesterdays events. This massive weight has been taken away from me. I need to get this in some sort of order. Okay, I'll start with yesterday when we went shopping which was boring as hell. After an hour of slowly browsing shops we all came to an agreement, we go off and do our own thing then meet up for lunch. Janine and I split up heading in opposite directions. I aimed for Virgin Music for some CD's and wondered around. My mobile phone buzzed in my pocket, it was Karen sending me a text: WAT R U DOIN 2NITE? CAN U COME ROUND? K. XX I sat on a bench by a fountain and thought quickly. I did want to see her really badly. I sent her a text back. WHERE? CAN SAY I AM STOPPING AT FRIENDS. H. X. I waited for her reply and thought quickly. I could Mum and Dad that I was stopping at Anne's house so we can work on our latest project for Computer Science. I doubted if they would check with Anne's parents if it was okay, they're pretty relaxed about that sort of thing. I got a text back from Karen: PARENTS OUT TILL 2MORRORW. HAVE PLACE 2 OURSELVES. AM ALREADY NAKED. AM ALL YOURS!! K. I didn't stop to think: BE THERE V SOON! XXX. C U SOON. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. Karen and I had hardly seen each other for ages, and phone calls were okay but never the same. I found my Mum and explained that Anne had just called me and we needed to work on a big project before the end of the week and I'd best get going. Mum was really cool, she told me to get some clothes for the holiday before I left and she would call me later on. She gave me some money and I picked up a few tops, a nice bikini, some new underwear and a few other bits. I dashed to the bus stop and kept a watchful eye out for anyone spotting me getting on the wrong bus. I was getting worked up again over nothing, I was only meeting Karen. It was so silly to get nervous. I know we've been together but it seems all so new again. I could count the number of times we'd done it on one hand, and the last time wasn't exactly a sensuous naked writhing in each others arms type of thing either, more of a lust filled moment in an alleyway. So I think I was right to be a little anxious. Karen ushered me inside quickly and we hugged for a long time. We kissed and I felt relaxed. The smell of her perfume was comforting and feeling the swell of her chest against mine brought my senses alive. Her hands smoothed over my bottom and I sighed deeply when we parted. It was another very hot day so we decided to lounge in the garden for a while, odd that we didn't just rush to her bedroom. Karen asked if I needed a bikini but I explained I'd just bought one. "Lets see then," she said as we stood in her kitchen. I dropped the bag and pulled it out. A small black shiny bikini, not too small to annoy my parents and not too big to make me feel stupid. "Very nice," Karen said. "Better to see the result if you were actually wearing it." She noticed me glancing about for a room to change into and then frowned at me in a quizzical way. "You can change here you know, no one is around, except me. Me, remember?" "Sorry," I said. "I'll make some drinks and you get ready," Karen said and started rattling ice cubes into glasses. "Aren't you sun bathing?" I asked as a I pushed off my jeans. Karen lifted up a big baggy sweat top to reveal her skin covered by small strips of material some may say could be called bikini. I pulled off my t-shirt, dropped it on the chair next to my jeans and had just undone my bra when the awkwardness hit me. Jesus. I must be a complete nervous wreck. I so hope no one else notices it as much as I do. I was rushing to get my bikini on before Karen finished making drinks so that...okay so she wouldn't see my body. There. I said it. That's what I was thinking. It's how I automatically reacted. I can't help it. Anyway, I had just slipped my knickers down (once again that's panties for the American readers! Sorry I can't get used to saying panties!) when Karen placed 2 glasses on the table and sat on a stool in front of me. She wasn't staring as such but since I was the only person there she was watching me get undressed. I reckon she must have noticed my nerves. "You look hot already and we're not even outside yet," said Karen. "Must be the heat." "Maybe," Karen bent down and caught my attention. "But the flush in your cheeks tells me you're either embarrassed or horny as fuck. I wonder." I blushed even more. "You're embarrassed!" Karen exclaimed. She laughed. At least she wasn't angry or anything. "I can not believe it." "I am not!" I said quickly. I saw her smile as I slipped on my bikini bottoms. "Okay, so what? I'm not perfect! I don't know how to act sometimes. Is that a crime?!" "Not at all," Karen said, she chuckled. "Haley, what's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong," I lied. I pulled at bikini top, working out which bit was the front and why the label was still hanging off. I was getting angry and upset. I felt like I was being made fun of, even though I wasn't, that she was laughing at my awkwardness. I wriggled into the bikini feeling hot and annoyed. "Relax a little," Karen said. She went to put her hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off. "Tell me what's bothering you?" I wish I hadn't shrugged her away. I really wanted her to hug me, I was getting upset now and could sense the tears were just a moment away. "Nothing's bothering me. I'm fine. Really." "You don't look it." Karen laughed in what was supposed to be to cheer me up. It did the opposite. "Don't laugh at me!" "Haley, I'm not laughing at you." She sounded serious now. "Please tell me what's wrong. I want to know." "Do you?" I said, my voice was raised. I could feel anger forcing it's way up my throat and I couldn't stop it. It was like I was watching myself from a distance and was powerless to stop my actions. I didn't want to be angry but my emotions were bubbling over. I wasn't angry with Karen at all, my body needed to vent it's emotional worries and Karen was just there. "You really want to know?" "Yes. Really. I care about you so much. Tell me." "I'll tell you what's wrong!" I blinked as tears welled in my eyes. They rolled down my cheeks and I brushed them away. "I'll tell you everything shall I?" "Calm down," Karen said. She looked upset too and did genuinely seem to want to know what was wrong. "Whatever's wrong we can talk about it." I almost stopped myself. I came so close to backing down and shutting up but my brain had switched off at this point. "I hate myself!" I shouted. "I've done something bad and...and I can't tell anyone...I feel sick all the time and..." Karen stepped forward but I moved away. "No. I have to tell you." I sobbed. "Shit. It's Janine...she and I...we've...it's gone so wrong and I've had no one to talk to." "She knows about us?" Karen wrongly guessed. "No." I wiped more tears away from my face. "It's not that. It's worse. I'm a bad person Karen. It's about the party at Fran's the other week." "What about it?" Karen asked, she didn't know or hadn't yet figured it out. "The closet game," I said with a sob. "My last go...I was with a girl...and we...she was..." "Hey," Karen said quietly. "It doesn't matter. Really. It was just a game. Just fun, remember?" "Not just fun," I cried. "Well, yes it was, but after...when I realised...when I heard who I had done it with...the girl...Karen I'm so sorry...I feel sick..." I fell onto a chair by the table unable to look Karen in the eye. I wanted her to guess, to figure it out so she could scream at me but she didn't. Either she knew by then or wanted me to say it. "Haley. Tell me. It's okay to tell me anything. I'm not going to be angry or upset you know." "My last challenge...my mystery closet lover...we did it to each other...we...she licked me and made me climax...I did it to her as well..." "That's okay. Haley please, it was a game." "NO! It wasn't. A game is fun. This was fun and now it isn't. This is a nightmare...I'm trapped by everything...and...and I hate myself." Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 04 I was really crying at this point. Even as I write this down it's like I can remember everything me and Karen said to each other. I am actually a bit tearful now as I type this, the memories flooding back to me. "Just tell me who it was if you need to," Karen told me. "I'll understand." I wanted it over with. I had to tell her. The name was bottled up tight in my mouth ready to force it's way out. The truth is a bitch but obviously for me keeping a secret was so much more damaging. "Janine." Barely a whisper. Silence. I couldn't look up to face Karen. I didn't dare see the expression on her face. I continued to cry in the silence. Whatever she did now I had no control over but at least I had said it and I was almost free of the guilt. I felt her finger tips under my chin lifting my face up. I resisted for a second or two then gave in. She came to me, even then I couldn't look her in the eye, and then I felt her warm lips on mine. She kissed me slowly and tenderly, not rough and passionate or lustful but in a reassuring way as if to let me know she wasn't mad or upset and wanted to comfort me. When Karen pulled away I met her gaze and she smiled, I burst out crying again and she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tight in an embrace that I'll never forget. It was the first time I had ever truly felt loved and safe (other than from my parents). I cried out loud as she rocked me back and forth in her arms. I let out all my pent up emotion in one long bawl. All the while Karen hugged me tight, not letting go, assuring me it was okay, that she understood. I held onto her like she was a dream, as if she would disappear any moment. I had never wanted to held so much as I did right then. It seemed we like that for hours. Eventually we pulled apart slightly and I looked into her eyes, no anger or pain there just reassurance and calm. "Sorry." I could hardly speak above a whisper. "Hush," replied Karen, her voice low also. "It's okay." "I didn't mean to shout at you," I said. "It's okay," Karen said again. She brushed my tears off my cheeks. "If you want to talk about it we can. I won't be upset or angry, never with you." "Karen I...I have to tell you...but it's..." "Not now then," Karen replied. She kissed me tenderly and smiled. "When you're ready." I was overwhelmed by her response. She was so amazing I felt like crying over the love she was showing for me. I nodded and mirrored her smile. "Thank you." I said. I kissed her again, this time for longer, lips parting slightly, our tongues sliding playfully over one another. It's probably quite silly to say it again but I had never felt so loved or wanted and that kiss with Karen in her kitchen was better than any I've had since with anyone. I can't describe it very well, words don't explain that level of emotion that I felt. Even now as I sit here at my desk reading through my diary and typing it into the computer I can't find the right words to show how intense my feelings were, how I wanted to melt into Karen, as if to unite with her on some spiritual level or however we could merge as one complete loving entity. I so hope that doesn't sound like mushy romantic slush because it's the best way I can express my feelings. After our long kiss she took me by the hand and led me up to her bedroom. It's strange but I can still remember everything so clearly as if my memory had opened up to allow images and feelings to flood in and be locked away. I remember shiny wood of the dining room table, the feel of deep carpet between my toes and the creak of the stairs as we moved up them. I remember watching her calf muscles flex slightly as she climbed up still holding my hand, the minute blonde hairs on the back of her legs that caught the sun beaming through the window. There was a smell of roses from the bathroom as we passed by, and the faint scent of perfume as we entered her bedroom. Karen's bedroom was tidy, her bed seemed so inviting, her deep blue curtains were half drawn and a thick ray of light illuminated half the bed as if welcoming us, showing us the way. Why can I remember such vivid detail when I can barely remember what I had for breakfast? I sat on the edge of the bed and shuffled over. Karen pulled her sweat top off and we lay beside each other, hugging loosely, staring into each others eyes for what I so wanted to be forever. My hands stroked along her skin, hers doing the same, it wasn't erotic in a lust filled sense, just nice and comforting. The sun felt good on my back, warm and calming, outside I could hear a couple of birds and in the far distance children playing in their garden. It was serene. Peaceful. I realised that this was the perfect surrounding I needed. I felt drained of energy, almost faint, and so tired. I didn't want to sleep but to keep staring into Karen's loving eyes. We didn't speak, I knew there was nothing to say that could convey what we both felt, somehow I was aware that we were both thinking as one, and I don't care how corny that sounds, for me it was the only truth. I could feel my eyes grow heavy. I remember closing them and feeling such peace and tranquillity. With Karen next to me, the faint aroma of her perfume, the sound of her breathing, the cool clean sheet beneath me, the sun on my body, everything seemed to wrap me in its arms as if gently nudging me asleep. --------------------------- It was dark when I woke up. The ray of sun that had warmed me had been replaced with a transparent glow, I turned my head and saw the moon beyond the trees in Karen's back garden, the curtains fluttered slightly in the warm breeze but I wasn't cold. I turned back and watched Karen sleeping, the moonlight played on her skin making it look ghostly white against her dark bikini. Her shoulder, stomach and thighs were white but her face was hidden by a subtle shadow. I glanced at the clock on her book shelf, it was 1am. We had been asleep for almost half the day and night. I wasn't wide awake yet, just enjoying that dull slumber feeling before complete consciousness takes over. As if still in tune with each other Karen opened her eyes and looked at me. She smiled and wriggled toward me. We held each other as we slowly woke up. I shuffled my head along the pillow, seeking out her lips which were warm and inviting. We kissed slowly and gently, as if anything with more force and urgency would break this night time spell of serenity. Karen rolled quietly over and knelt on the bed. I propped myself up on my right elbow and watched as she carefully slid her bikini top away from her, letting it glide to the floor. In the moon light her breasts seemed so pure and white. She tugged at the knot to the side of her bikini bottoms and slid them away. To me she looked so virginal, as if revealing herself to me for the first time. I stared at her body then knelt on the bed before her. I followed her actions, peeling off my bikini, dropping it away as if I too were showing my body to her for the first time too. We knelt there naked in front of each other, moon light and shadow playing across our bodies. I was trembling slightly, not from any heat or lack of it but from my deep feelings. I was reminded of the first time I had stripped for Karen, how nervous I had been, how concerned I was doing something wrong. I didn't feel that way now, I wasn't doing it because I was intrigued or from lust of whatever, I was naked because I wanted to be, because I wanted to show Karen my body under the moon light. We shuffled closer still not touching. I could feel her breath on my face. For a brief moment we stared into each others eyes then we kissed, slow, passionate. I felt her hard nipples on my breasts, her chest rising and falling as she breathed, making them slide up and down. We parted, still not touching other than out lips. "I'm in love with you," I said so quietly I thought she almost hadn't heard me. "Haley, I'm in love with you too," Karen replied, her voice husky and quiet. "Touch me," I said. "Make love to me." I watched her hands touch my breasts, felt the slight contact of her finger tips against my breasts. I sighed as she gently cupped by breasts, her thumbs softly caressing my nipples. I reached out and touched her skin, sliding my hands over her breasts, feeling her stiff nipples under my palms and the smooth weight of them before pushing up to her face and pulling her toward me so we could kiss. With a gentle push she laid me on my back and shuffled between my legs, he mouth seeking out my body, licking and kissing, her hot mouth almost sizzled around my areoles before sucking my nipples into her mouth making me moan and arch my back. It's all just so vivid to me even now I remember so much detail about it. The way her hair fell over her face and tickled my skin was like a thrill all on its own. She moved slowly down my body, leaving a trail of kisses toward my stomach, her breasts preceding her tongue, her nipples like rubbery points against my stomach and pubic hair. Her hands roamed over my body as if searching out erotic Braille in the half light. Karen trailed her tongue through my pubic hair and for a brief moment she nuzzled my clit making me gasp. She parted my legs a little and I tensed in anticipation. I felt my fanny lips parted, I could feel I was wet already and her tongue slid between them, licking up between the folds on my labia and then darting inside me. "Oh Karen..." I gasped. "...oh God...yess...." I caught our reflection in the wide mirror over her table to the side of the bed and I watched our bodies in the moonlight. It was weird to see Karen between my legs in the mirror, like an out of body experience. She teased my clit with her tongue, resting her lips over it and sucking it gently sending waves of pleasure coursing through my body. Her breath tickled my pubes and I felt her finger probe me gently before entering in an unhurried fashion, burying them deep inside me. "Yess....uhnnn...Oh Karen...f-finger me...make me cum...." I know I was shocked at my own words but this time I was no longer as worried about my actions. "...please do it h-harder...uhn yes...Karen..." Karen's fingers pushed in and out of me, speeding up, her tongue flicking back and forth on my clit. I was panting and moaning, my fingers holding onto her head as if trying to force her inside me. I reached under my thighs and pulling my legs open wider. Karen moved her tongue over the folds of my fanny, moving down over between my fanny and anus where she flicked across it making me tense up. I had no idea my anus would be sensitive. My legs were trembling at this point as she moved back to my clit and buried her fingers inside me once again. "Oh...yes Karen...y-yes....make me...m-make me cum...uhnn..." Karen concentrated on my clit, her tongue slavering around it like a lollipop. I felt her fingers leave me only to be replaced by a shorter thumb as her fingers wrapped around to caress my anus, driving me insane with pleasure. "Uhhnnn...Karen...I'm...y-yes...oh fuck me...finger me...uhhnn....That's it...right there...I'm c-cuming....uhhhnnnnn." She kept going as a huge orgasm washed over me, my body shaking like a jelly on a washing machine. I shuddered and lurched sideways, my body on fire as this surge or pleasure took over. It felt like I was stuck like that for ages, Karen continued to pleasure me as I came. Eventually after what seemed like ages I relaxed and collapsed. Karen moved up my body, her mouth seeking out mine. We kissed deeply, I tasted my own juices on her lips and tongue as we kissed long and deep. Before I can really get my breath back I roll Karen onto her back and fall on top of her. We kiss again, my body is wet from perspiration and my breasts are slippery against her skin. I brush my tongue over her chin, tracing down her throat, past her collarbone, my hands holding her breasts so I can suck her nipples between my lips, feeling their stiffness with my tongue as I circle them in my mouth. Karen raised her back pushing against me. I kiss may way down her stomach to her navel, swirling my tongue into it. I can feel her juices against my skin, her legs are apart as she pushes her hips up. The heat of her fanny on my skin gives me a thrill and as I travel further down I aim my breasts so they'll slide over her vulva which is wet against my nipples. I ran my fingers up and down her swollen fanny lips, teasing them a little, then separated them and saw her clit. It was pink and wet. I moved closer, my tongue lightly brushing the folds of her fanny then I licked her clit with one long stroke. Karen's body jerked and she groaned loudly. She tasted amazing, her juices were flowing more and I probed inside her tasting more. "Haley...oh yes...I love you..." I pressed my tongue flat on her clit and used my lips to suck it into my mouth as if I was giving a blowjob to a boy. I pushed two fingers inside her making her moan even louder. She was rocking and pushing against me as I fingered her and licked at her juices. I decided to copy her and moved my thumb inside her, while massaging her anus with my fingers, it quickly became wet and slippery. "Shit...oh...shit Haley...yes...do it...please!" I sensed Karen was going to climax soon. I brought my fingers back inside her fanny so they were very wet before switching back, thumb inside her, probing, my tongue lavishing around her throbbing clit and my fingers nuzzling her anus. I pushed gently, feeling her tight hole slowly yield under the pressure. Karen was writhing on the bed now, moaning and groaning louder and louder. "Do it...enter me...oh yeah...Haley...now...please...fuck me...finger my arse...please!" Karen was going nuts! I eased my wet finger inside her anus, it was very well lubricated as her juices were then dribbling down out of her fanny toward her anus. I pushed slow so not to hurt her but Karen seemed to swept up by the pleasure she obviously loved this new attention. I eased my finger inside her a little way then pulled it back out. After a few moments I was able to start fingering her anus which was so wet and slippery. "Christ...oh fuck...Haley...yes...make me cum...oh...." I sped up my actions, feeling her body thrash against me. I held onto her tightly, my tongue racing back and forth over her clit, my hand moving back and forth, in one motion I fingered her soaking fanny with my thumb before pulling away to slip my finger into her tight anus and then back into her fanny again. "Oh. YES! FUCK ME!!! YESSSSS!" Karen's body jerked violently. She shook and shuddered as her orgasm hit her hard. I maintained my motions despite her shaking body. She was jumping all over the place. She gasped for air then I felt her hands move me away and pull me up to her face. She was too sensitive for a moment. We kissed, our bodies sliding against one another as we were bathed in a sheen of perspiration. She was gasping for air and still kissing me. We collapsed onto the bed side my side looking into each others eyes. We smiled and kissed again. I think I could kiss her soft lips forever. "I love you," Karen said when she finally get her breath back. I ran my hand over her breast and over to her bottom pulling her closer to me. "I love you too Karen." ---------------------------- I woke up to feel warm sunlight on my body. We had laid in each others arms all night on the bed. I waited for Karen to wake and we help each other for a while before heading to the shower where we spent longer than we needed soaping each other up. We sat at the kitchen table naked and ate bagels for breakfast. I decided to tell Karen about Janine. I told her everything that had happened in the closet and how aroused I had been, and the guilt I felt afterwards that I had cheated on her. Karen insisted it was okay and in the end I decided she was genuine, it didn't matter. Then I told her about being in the bathroom and hearing Janine tell her about what had happened to her. I explained how sick I felt at hearing the words come out of my sisters mouth. I found it hard to tell Karen, that I felt so ashamed at having done something so intimate with my own sister. Karen explained to me that it really was okay, that I shouldn't feel ashamed about it all. The only problem was if Janine ever found out, that could be a problem, what her reaction might be. "You never know, she might want to do it again!" Karen joked. "Don't say that!" I said. "I couldn't do it with her again." "Well she has said that she would like to," Karen told me what I had already overheard Janine say on the phone. "I don't think is gay but she might have tendencies." "Not with me she won't!" I said with a laugh. It's not like I don't love Janine. She is my sister after all. We're not really close if you know what I mean. We just keep out of each others way and argue a bit sometimes, but I know we both love each other very much, just not in that way. "It's just sex you know," Karen stated. "If you feel good then why worry about it? You're not harming anyone are you?" "So you're saying I should dash home, tell Janine it was me then insist we get naked and make love all afternoon?" "Well...not exactly," Karen replied. "But she will find out sooner or later. Who from is up to you. I will never tell her. It's our secret. But for your peace of mind it could be best if you told her before she found out from someone else." "And what if she does want to try it again?" I asked with a shiver. "I couldn't do it? Could I? What about you?" "Me?" Karen gulped on her coffee. "You'd want me to join in? A threesome with my lover and my best friend?" "Er.." I thought about that for a moment. It didn't sound that bad when I thought about that scenario. "Maybe...I guess that would be okay...Jesus what am I talking about! It's my SISTER!" We both laughed. It was now easy to see the funny side. "Okay. Maybe that isn't a good idea. But I honestly think you should talk to her about it." "Besides I know I couldn't do it with her again." I was serious. "Or anyone." "Why so sure?" "Because I'd be cheating on you and I'm not like that." Karen held my hand and leaned across to kiss me. "I'm not like that either." We sunbathed naked in her back garden for a few hours, lucky there was no way for her neighbours to see us with the high hedges and trees protecting our privacy. I told Karen I had better get home before my Mum rings Anne to find out if I want picking up. Back inside I hugged Karen and thanked her for being so understanding. We kissed and I started feeling horny again. We were French kissing, leaning against the sink, our hands feeling each others bodies. Karen turned me around so I was facing the sink, her body pressed against my back, her mouth kissing its way down my back and over my bottom. My mobile phone started to ring. I grabbed my phone off the table and saw it my Mum! I pressed the Answer button. "Hi Mum!" I said suppressing an urge to moan. Karen was cupping my breasts from behind me, grinding her mound against my bottom. "I was just heading back." "How did the study go?" Mum asked. "Fine. We got quite a bit done." Karen reach round me and turned on the kitchen tap. She cupped water and dribbled it over my back making me jump. "Oh that's good," Mum said. "What's that noise?" "I'm just getting a drink," I said. "So are you doing sunbathing today?" "What?" I snapped. I was a bit distracted. "Oh, I don't know, maybe." Then the home phone rang and a nipped into the garden as Karen answered it. I heard her say "hi Janine..." "You should. Make sure you're creamed up though. Not nice if you burn your boobs." "Mom!" "I was just saying dear. I've done that a few times. Very sore." "Who says I'm going to be topless? Anne is here you know." Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 04 "That's okay isn't it? Oh you girls. So conscious of your bodies these days. When I was your age my friends and I used to love stripping off and sun bathing. It was like a mini naturist camp sometimes." Visions of my mother naked swam through my head. I didn't want to know anymore. "Mom that's so gross." "What is? You're such a prude." "Am not but I'm not going to dance around naked with my friends." "I'm not saying that. And if you did it wouldn't matter. I never did I admit...well except that one time with...what was that poppet? Karen's home? Okay then, I'll see you later...where was I?" "Janine off to Karen's then?" I asked suddenly realised I was there, in her garden, naked. "Yes. So we'll see you soon then?" "Yes Mum, bye." I hung up quickly and dashed into the house. Karen had my clothes ready. I dressed in record time and headed to the door. I paused and turned. Karen was still naked and I winced to think I was leaving her. "We'll see each other soon," Karen said as if reading my mind. "Besides we're going on holiday together. Plenty of time then." "Secretly," I added. She nodded and we kissed. "Get going," said Karen. "There's an alley two houses down. Head that way and Janine won't spot you." "Okay. Love you." I kissed her again. "Love you too." I dashed as quickly yet nonchalantly down the driveway and toward the alley way. I peeked around the corner just in time to see Janine's car pull into the street. I breathed a sigh of relief and headed home. I felt loss in my stomach, I didn't want to leave Karen. Sometimes, like then, I wish people did know about us, so we didn't have to perform this charade all the time. I got home to find Mum sunbathing and Dad chopping wood for a barbecue. I headed to my room and didn't even bother with my college work. I wanted to write in my diary, I had a lot to get down. ------------------------------ Friday Night So glad this week is over. One more week and we're off on holiday, not sure if that's going to be a restful time or filled with worry and nerves. Glad I saw Karen this week though, I feel much better having got some guilt off my chest, I never dreamed she would be so understanding and we really haven't talked about it since, I guess I'll tell her soon enough. Still felt a bit guilty about not telling Karen about Spencer, but it's not like we've done anything really. I spoke to him tonight and told him I won't have time to see him before I go away, so I promised to bring him something nice back. That way I won't take any more guilt with me. After what happened with Karen at her house I have decided not to see him anymore now, I am in love with Karen and won't jeopardize that for anything. Have got all my holiday things ready, am actually quite excited now. ------------------------------ Tuesday 2 days left! Yahoo! Wednesday is okay, half day, IT Business lecture, boring and then Thursday is pretty packed with English Language History and IT – Systems & Administration. Then we're off early Friday morning, bit of a bummer since we got to get up at 5am which won't be fun. I overheard Karen and Janine in her bedroom this evening. Mum and Dad were out at the neighbours and Karen was helping Janine with last minute course work for her module. Seems to me that Janine either thinks I'm deaf or doesn't care what I hear sometimes. They were talking about the boys they're going to meet and how much fun they'll have and all that. I didn't really take much notice, I was busy finishing a report for college but I kept an ear open for any juicy gossip. Karen is obviously prepared. She asked Janine if she had enough condoms with her, which Janine found very rude but said she had a pack of 24 with her. Don't know what Karen is going to do when they're out chatting up boys, won't Janine find it all a bit strange that Karen won't sleep with any of them? Then Karen started joking with Janine, saying that she (Janine) might meet some hot girl over there, in which case she won't need all her condoms. Janine didn't find that very funny and they started arguing. Whichever way my sister swings she's not being very clear, one minute she's straight and the next she's admitting she would try something with a girl, the right girl. So looks like my older sister is bi. I've debated taking my diary with me and decided to get a new one just for the holiday, something with a lock on it so if someone does find it they can't get in and read away. ------------------------------ Thursday Night – very late. Oh my god! I just found some very interesting things in Janine's room. It's very late here now but I got to write this down before we leave tomorrow. I had to get another report into my IT lecturer before we left and my mouse has broken. I asked Janine if I could use her computer, she was very nice and agreed instantly, no fuss or fighting. Strange. It was already powered up, so I logged on, accessed my Hotmail and emailed my report to my lecturer. When I logged out I clicked Home at the top and then just out of interest browsed her favourites. Shocked isn't the word! She must have over 30 links to erotic sites, some with very graphic pictures of people having sex and others were links to erotic chat rooms. Very worried, I checked quickly and thoroughly for Literotica and found no link which was a relief. It's a long shot but possible for Janine to eventually find my diary submissions. What shocked me the most was a whole bunch of links that lead to lesbian based websites. I looked at a few, some where very hardcore to me, lots of girls in all sorts of positions and things. Then I found a message board where people post their photo's for others to see and comment on. I didn't do anything, the website logged me straight in and even welcomed me, well not me but Janine. I clicked a link reading "PROFILE" and let my mouth drop open. I don't remember everything it said but here is the basics: Name: Janine Age: 20's Location: UK – England Looking for: Fun Hobbies: Clubbing, music, water skiing. Status: Single Sexuality: Straight About You: I say I'm straight but am interested in Getting together with another girl. I'm not Lesbian but a recent experience has Made me want more. I'm good fun, sexy And happy to experiment with the right Person. Have a look at my pictures. I re-read that several times. My God! Then I clicked the link to see her pictures. She had 4 in there, looks like some were taken with her webcam which she usually uses to chat with her friends. The first was just her face smiling, the was of her in a bar somewhere with her friends, the third was her lying on a beach in her bikini, looked like our Turkey holiday last year. The last was a webcam shot, she was smiling at the camera both her hands over her breasts. She wasn't wearing any clothes above her waist! I stared at the photo for ages. She was posting these for people to see. I clicked "POSTS" and saw a list of threads she had placed comments in. The first I found was a remark to some guy about his body, not very interesting, the next was an introduction post saying "hi" and things. The third was in reply to a girl who had posted her own picture and Janine was commenting on her body, how nice it was. She liked the girls tan lines and said her body was beautifully curvy, very womanly. I scrolled down past other users comments to see the picture this girl had posted. It was a full body shot, she was sat in a chair totally naked, looked like on a balcony to me. She was very tanned apart from her big breasts and quite hairy pubic area which were very white. She was smiling at the camera and had a drink in one hand and her other hand cupping a large meaty breast. She was a large girl, her thighs were wide as were her hips, she wasn't fat or obese or anything, just curvy and womanly like Janine had said. I can't believe Janine was that interested. I was so surprised and engrossed in reading more that I almost didn't hear Janine coming up the stairs. I quickly clicked Home and it went to MSN. I was getting out of the chair when Janine came in. "Okay?" she asked. "Thanks. Sorted." "Night." In my room I grabbed my diary and began writing. There was lots more on the profile section, more categories where Janine had entered info but I can't remember anymore. So, she isn't just vaguely interested in girls at all, more like certainly interested. Was that because of our meeting in the closet? Or did our meeting in the closet reinforce her feelings for the same sex? Either way – WOW! I wonder if Karen knows? Somehow I doubt it. I think Janine would try to keep this a deep secret. Although Karen has used her computer and I don't know about anyone else but when I used a strange computer I like to have a look about, Favourites and things to see anything fun and interesting. Jesus. My own sister! Well this should an interesting holiday after all! I shall keep an eye on her and see what she gets up to. I got my new diary now, it's quite thick, nice purple leather case with a chunky lock on it. Wonder much I'll fill up on holiday. I got to get some sleep or I'll be too tired in the morning to enjoy it. ------------------------------ Note: Okay, that's everything out of that diary and onto the computer. I'm getting much closer to the current date now. Sorry I haven't included any of my holiday here, it's a lot to put in a single submission so I'll put it in the next one. I'm excited about that one. Lots of things happened on the holiday and as soon as I have posted this I'll start it. Again, thank you to those who have emailed me with comments and good wishes. It seems to be taking ages to get everything copied on the computer but soon I will be up to date, I promise! If you would like to email me I would like to hear what you have to say, See you soon. Haley Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 05 Note: After looking through my diary of the holiday I found lots of uninteresting info like sight seeing and what happened at the beach and all that boring stuff. I have included some of it while copying it into the computer but left out lots because it's not really that interesting to those who read this. Thought I would mention that because it may seem like my holiday was very dull! I'd like to point out something to those who haven't read my previous diary submissions to Literotica that in order to know more about me and why I am sending in my diary for people to read all about my life over the last 12 months, you'll have to read my previous submissions. This is a long diary, sorry but I didn't want to cut it down more than I already have. Just thought I would warn you. During the course of copying this up from my diary my computer died, so now I'm relying on a very old lap top (notebook for American readers!) and to make things worse I've also broken my leg, this happened a couple of weeks ago in June 2005. Not a very good month for me! ------------------------- Day 1 I'm very tired now so won't be writing too much. It's almost 2am here now. We were up at the crack of dawn, everyone moaning and dashing about the house. Mum making sure she'd packed everything and pestering me and Janine to make sure we had everything. Dad was pretty cool about it all, just made sure he had our passports and cash and then made breakfast, leaving the worrying to Mum. We picked up Karen on the way to the airport, she had to squeeze into the back between me and Janine. She smiled at me and I smiled back, wishing people knew about us so our greeting could be more than a brief nicety. We checked in at the airport then wondered around the shops, I bought a book to read on the plane, Janine and Karen headed off on their own. The flight was quite nice, cheap tacky meal as always. I had some sort of chicken that tasted like chicken but textured like rubber. Most of the day was uninteresting really, lots of waiting, sitting, waiting, being bored, travelling, few arguments, the usual sort of thing. We got through customs at Corfu and sucked in the humid air outside while Dad sorted our car out. I was tired and itchy and needed to take a shower. Karen was happily chatting to Janine as they eyed some lads getting on a coach. I was a bit jealous but Karen and I had had a long chat on the phone about what we could and couldn't do while on holiday. We decided that neither of us was allowed to sleep with anyone or get into a sexual situation. But we were allowed to kiss other people. At first I didn't like this rule one bit and get very upset over it, but Karen pointed out that if neither of us flirted with lads it could look a bit weird to Janine or my parents. I gave in and agreed. It wasn't going to harm anyone if Karen or myself kissed a few lads while we were on holiday. I trusted Karen not to do anymore. Even so it wasn't pleasant watching her with my sister giggling and waving at lads the minute they arrived. We headed to our villa, which was very nice. We're not rich or anything, I mean Mum and Dad both have good jobs, Mum is an accountant and Dad is a marketing director. We don't have a huge house or anything like that, we live on a normal estate, 4 bedroom house, nice garden and all that. But when it comes to holidays Dad insists we have something above the ordinary since it's only once a year, twice if we're very lucky. The villa was a split level deal, built into the side of a cliff in a row of 3 villas. Downstairs is the kitchen, living room with satellite TV, nice to see, dining room. At the back is Mum and Dads room with ensuite bathroom, they have a nice balcony over looking the sea and the town below. Upstairs are two bedrooms across the front with a long balcony. There's a single room with a double bed in it and a larger bedroom with 3 single beds. At the front is a big bathroom with a massive shower. I think you could easily get 6 or 7 people in it! Out the front is just a road and a small driveway. The back is gorgeous, there's a big swimming pool, huge brick barbecue and sun loungers. There're railings at the edge to stop you falling down the side of the mountain but the view is amazing. Karen and Janine were already discussing who was going to sleep where. I said I would take the single room if that was okay with them. Janine turned her nose up, saying she would have liked the double bed but she guessed Karen would then end up sleeping with me which wasn't fair. I guess that would depend on your perspective! Mum and Dad headed to a nearby supermarket to get some food and we all jumped in the pool. It was so refreshing feeling to cool water on my skin after a long day travelling. We swam about a bit then I decided I needed a shower and good wash and go out. Nothing interesting happened today, other than the excitement of actually going on holiday of course. I'll just tell you what happened with my Mum then I'm going to sleep. I had finished my shower and there was a knock at the door. I assumed it was Karen or Janine wanting to shower themselves so I wrapped a towel around me and opened the door. Mum smiled and came in. Weird since she had her own shower by her bedroom. She closed the door and sat on the toilet. She started saying that we needed to have a chat before the holiday got going and I felt that horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. She knew. She had figured out my secret. I felt sick and very very nervous. I shouldn't have worried. She started talking about boys and me being old enough now to know that contraception was a necessary part of life. I sighed inwardly with relief. I told her not to worry about that but she insisted I look after myself. She wasn't going to insist I stay with her and Dad the whole time and that I was allowed to go out with Karen and my sister in the evening to bars and such. Naturally I had a curfew, 1am and no later. And we had to stick together at all times. We all had our mobile phones with us and had to keep them on just in case we needed to call each other. Then she held out her hand and gave me a box of condoms. I was shocked! I tried to tell Mum that it was okay but she pressed them into my hand and told me it was better safe than sorry! That is true but I was just so embarrassed! I could feel my cheeks burning. Anyway, that being the most eventful part of the day I am very tired. I can still hear Karen and Janine talking but I am going to sleep. ------------------------------- Day2 Went sight seeing today. Interesting. Not much happened all day. Drove around, looked at some ruins, headed into town and had a nice lunch by the sea. It reached 88degrees here today, very hot. We got back about 30mins ago, it's now 7pm and we're off for something to eat soon. Had a nice text from Karen this morning even though she is in the room next to mine. It read: WAKEY WAKEY! MISS U. WISH WE CUD WAKE UP NET2EACH OTHER. NEED2B WITH U SO MUCH. LUV K. I sent her one back saying: MISSU2. WILL WE GET 2GETHER HERE? I was just about to get out of bed when my phone beeped. HOPE WE CAN.WE'LL FIND A WAY. DON'T WORRY. K I smiled and deleted the messages. At least she was thinking of me! I was thinking of her a lot. Most of the time actually. Maybe someday we'll get to be together in the open, maybe we will go on holiday together, I'd love that so much. Anyway, I'm off to take a shower before we go out. -------------------------------- Now that was fun! I've had my shower but that wasn't all I had! I was just closing the bathroom door when someone stopped it. I opened and saw Karen standing there with a towel around her. I glanced past her into her bedroom but she shook her head. "Out getting postcards from the shop down the road." She explained. "Your Mum and Dad too." "We have to be careful," I said. "I know," Karen said. "We will be. I miss you that's all." She stepped closer and we kissed. That was glorious. It was like I sank into her, feeling her body against mine was heaven. We kissed and ages in the doorway of the bathroom. "I miss you too," I said when we parted a little. "It's so silly isn't it? Do you think we should tell anyone?" "Not now," Karen replied. She poked her fingers into my towel and pulled it away from body to the floor. She wriggled out of hers and I felt her breasts against mine as she pressed me against the wall, kissing me with hunger. I was instantly turned on. The smell of her skin near mine and the feel of her hot body was so sensuous. We hugged each other tight and kissed, our tongues playing quick and eager. I wanted to let myself go and really get into the situation but I knew we could be caught any second so a part of me was wary of that. Lucky thing we didn't do too much. I was leaning against the cold tiles of the bathroom wall, Karen had just bent down to suck my nipples when we heard Janine calling from the living room. There aren't many stairs to get upstairs, 13 I think, so it wouldn't take more than a couple of second to reach us. I struggled against Karen as she giggled, still sucking my nipple. I pushed her away and we had to stifle our laughter. We could hear Janine calling us, that she had postcards now. Karen and I kissed again and she quickly closed the bathroom door. I heard Janine come up the stairs and suddenly realised Karen's towel was on the floor at my feet. She had either dashed into the bedroom or had been caught naked by my sister. I didn't hear anything. I decided I better pretend that I had just found her towel. I opened the door to see my sister walking into their bedroom. Karen had nipped into mine and so wouldn't have been seen my Janine. I watched Janine walk out onto the balcony then turn right and walk along to my side. I quickly waved at Karen who dashed over to me, snatched her towel out of my hands, kissed me quickly and ran into her bedroom. I closed the door and heard Janine ask what was going on. I heard Karen tell her she had left her towel in the bathroom and had just nipped in to get it. Janine was quiet for a moment then asked where I was. Karen quickly said I was brushing my teeth and then taking a shower. It seemed that Janine bought the story, although if she questioned it further she would have realised that Karen would have had to go into the bathroom naked to get her towel. She didn't say anything though, luckily. We're off out now. Am actually very hungry. ----------------------------- Midnight – I think. Had good evening out. Had some cocktails. Fizzy ones. Sparklers in them. Very bright. Feel drunk so going to sleep. Love Karen lots. Want her with me now. Am tired but very horny too. Now feeling unhappy. Can't have Karen with me. She said soon. Am happy about that. Nighty night. ---------------------------- Day 3 Waterpark day. What a day it's been. Bloody freaky day if you want my honest opinion. Weird as hell. Okay, we have been out since 9am and I'm just relaxing on my bed before we go out and see what the bars are like. It's very hot here today, 92 degrees. Water slides were fantastic, I loved the rapids and the fast ones best. I can't believe the place was already busy by the time we got there at 9.30. People must have been queuing since dawn or something. Mum and Dad were good sports, they followed us around for a while, then decided to go sunbathe. We just went for it, must have done every water slide there and every pool too. The pools are amazing, one has a wave machine and a huge water fall you can swim right underneath to a small cave. It was a lot of fun but I also realised for the first time since getting together with Karen that I was noticing more women than men. I'm not sure if that means anything or not, am I destined to be attracted to women forever or what? Wish I didn't over analyse everything! After we had spent a few hours roaming the park we grabbed some junk food and lounged around soaking up the sun. I was able to lay back on my sun bed, eat my food and watch people while Janine and Karen chatted away. I love people watching anyway, it's a fun game to play with friends in a shopping mall or anywhere where there're crowds. It's not so fun on your own, but I was able to look at anyone I liked without anyone noticing. I had my nice new Ray Bans on so no one could see my eyes. Even so I was worried for a while that someone would catch me staring. Up to this moment in my life I have seen few people naked, sure if I use the gym and shower after there are women there but its just people washing up. I've seen Karen naked obviously, it shudders me to think it but I have felt my sisters body but not seen her entirely naked. I've seen my Mum topless many times, she doesn't think it's a problem and neither do we if she sun bathes topless. So I was like a kid in wonderland or something, there were so many women walking about practically naked, sure a small thong doesn't exactly cover much up does it! After lunch Janine dragged Karen away to the waterslides again, I told them I was going to lay and read my book, but I was actually people watching. There's too many to describe, huge fat women with big pendulous breasts and stomachs that hang down, mature ladies with children, young girls my age or younger with slim bodies and pert breasts. I wasn't topless myself. I didn't have the nerve to be honest, sounds silly right? Janine and Karen were equally covered up too. Sure we wore bikini's but that's normal. After an hour or so Janine and Karen came back, they had a drink and put sun tan oil on each other, I pined for Karen as a watched them. Janine sliding her hands over Karen's back made me a little envious. They lay down but after a while Karen was bored and asked anyone if they wanted to explore the pools some more, no one seemed interested. After a short moment, long enough for me not to seem too eager, I said I'd go with her. We headed to the wave pool, talking about anything until out of ear shot. We dived in an swam about a bit, pushing each other under the water and chasing each other. After Karen had ducked me under for the millionth time I surfaced and couldn't see her. I looked around but she was gone. A moment later I heard her calling me and spotted her in front of the giant waterfall. She turned and splashed through it and I followed, feeling my heart beat pick up. The waterfall was about 25 metres across, behind it was a gap enough to fit loads of people side by side right along its length. But at the far end by the rocks was a small cave, it had obviously been built for a purpose, not as a service entrance for maintenance or anything though. It was enough to fit about 4 people inside, it wasn't huge, about 4 metres wide and same in length and about 2 metres high. It was weird that it wasn't always full of kids exploring it. I think know one really knew it was there. You wouldn't see it if you weren't looking hard enough. From the outside, under the waterfall it just looked like rocks, very hard to see an opening at all. It was just weird why it was there at all really. Anyway, I followed Janine through the waterfall and when no one was around we squeezed through the opening and into the cave. It was still very noisy from the roar of the pouring water, it was a bit dark too but enough light filtered through to let me see where I was going. Because of the roaring water we had to talk quite loud. We both sat on the floor, which was surprisingly smooth as if designed that way. "This is weird huh?" I said to Karen. "What?" "This cave!" I said raising my voice. "It's strange isn't it?" "Bizarre!" agreed Karen. She looked around then slipped off her bikini top. "Nice and private!" I gaped at her. "Not private enough. We found it so someone else will too." Karen shrugged. She didn't seem worried. "So?" "So what if someone comes in?" "Big deal!" She said and reached for my bikini, quickly undoing the knot at the side and pulling it away from me before I could argue. "Let them watch!" I was turned on by the idea of getting caught but if Janine showed up looking for us it would be extremely awkward. Problem was that Karen inched over to me and we started kissing. I all but forgot about everything else as our tongues played. My hands reached up behind her, pulling her close to me, our wet bodies sliding together. Karen's hands roamed over my body, pinching my nipples making me groan into her mouth. She moved away and fiddled with her hands then stopped kissing me to show me she had removed her bikini bottoms. She was kneeling before me in the cave naked! She smiled and started pulling mine off despite my protests. "Janine might find us you know," I said. "She won't." Karen had then around my knees. "Oh. How do you know?" I asked still not stopping her. "How do you know some teenage boys won't find us?" "I don't," Karen replied. "Do you care?" I decided I didn't care too much. It seems teenage boys and men alike are obsessed with the whole lesbian thing. It thrilled me to think some teenage boys might find us here, see enough to fuel many a late night masturbation session. Karen whipped off my bikini bottoms and dropped them with a wet slap on the rocks. She dived on top of me and we began kissing and touched each other all over. It was exciting and very erotic. I felt her fingers enter me, fingering me fast and quick. I moved my hand down between our wet bodies and rubbed her clit. She gasped and sucked my tongue. I pushed them inside her and we fingered each other in a rough animal lust, as if we were taken over my sex starved pure and simple lust. It can't have been very long before I felt my orgasm approaching. Mere minutes. "Karen...I'm c-close...so close...oh...harder....please do it h-harder...oh god..." I breathed rapidly. "Yes. Cum for me...Haley...do it... yeah...fuck...cum for me...urgh...I'm almost there...oh...Haley...quicker..." My fingers were like a robot, sliding in and out of Karen as fast as they could, my palm flat against her rubbing her clit. Karen had 3 fingers inside me moving like a piston. I could feel the growing sensation about to burst inside me. I cried out very loud. "I'm...Karen...I'm c-cuming...urghhh...!" Karen began shaking as her orgasm shook her body, her fingers going mad inside me as we both reached climax at the same time. We shuddered and shook against each other, eventually she collapsed onto of me, her mouth seeking mine. We kissed gently then dropped onto the floor exhausted. I don't know how long we lay there for, I'm sure I fell asleep or almost did because what woke me up was someone being quiet. Sounds odd but the roar of the water was a constant noise, this new noise was intermittent, hushed. I opened my eyes a little and saw an outline in the entrance to the cave. Didn't take any notice of it. I nudged Karen who rolled onto her elbow. I sat up and leaned down to kiss her. We parted and smiled at each other. I wiped my eyes and was shocked instantly. My heart stopped I swear! The entrance to the cave was blocked by two lads, can't have been much more than 18 maybe 19. By all accounts one was quite cute, curly brown hair, smooth chest, nice six pack and tanned. The other was less appealing, a little over weight, patch of hair on his chest, blonde hair and spots I could see from where I sat. What astonished me more so was what the slightly chubby one was doing. He had his swim shorts pushed down and was masturbating right next to his mate. I blinked and rubbed my eyes again. Oh shit. I wasn't dreaming. This guy was actually having a wank about 3 metres away from me. I couldn't help but stare at him in amazement, for a moment I forgot I was naked. I'm not sure if I should have been glad they hadn't been there when Karen and I were getting off or not, at least they would have had something to look at. Looks like they had watched us kissing at least. I nudged Karen and nodded to the lads. She turned and sat up. I was looking around for my bikini to cover up, feeling very embarrassed suddenly. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 05 "All right lads," Karen said pleasantly. "Having fun?" The chubby one grinned. "Oh yeah," he said leering at us. The slim one waved his hand a little. "Hi," was all he could manage. I found my bikini and struggled with it. It was wet and tangled up. Karen stopped me with her hand. She smiled and looked back at the lads. I thought she was mad. All I wanted to do was get dressed and get out of there. It was one thing enjoying the possibility of getting caught but another actually getting caught. I decided to wait a moment to see what Karen wanted, if anything got silly I'd just leave. "You look what you see?" she asked them. "Don't be shy lads, take a seat." The slim one looked a bit uncertain. He sat down near the entrance. The chubby one started to move then dropped his swim shorts and shuffled across the floor until he was barely a metre away from us, his hand still on his dick, rubbing it slowly, eyes roaming over our naked bodies. "Better?" asked Karen. What the hell was she playing at? "Oh yeah," he said. "Are you two lezzies?" asked slim lad. Karen and I looked at each other. "Well were not in here just to explore the surroundings if you get me," she said with a sly smile. "That's so cool," slim lad said. "It sure is," agreed Karen. "So why don't you make out then," slim lad asked. Karen turned toward me, raised her hand and pulled my face to hers. We kissed for a few moments and I actually started to enjoy myself even though I was still in shock. "Oh man," said chubby lad. "That's awesome." We parted and looked back at them. "You got that right," Karen said. She nodded at the obvious bulge in slim lads swim shorts. "You don't seem to enjoying yourself as much as your mate here." Slim lad looked embarrassed. "I am...but..." he mumbled. "Not with him here." "This is kickin," said chubby lad, obviously not caring if his mate saw him masturbating. I hadn't taken much notice of him before, I tried not to actually. Now I turned to look at him. His dick wasn't very big, a rough guess I think about 5 inches long, it was wide though. He had lots of pubes around his balls and a long trail that lead up over his stomach to his navel. Now he was kneeling in front of us his stomach seemed bigger now, hanging down a lot. "You really are enjoying yourself aren't you?" Karen asked him. "Oh yeah," he agreed still not taking his eyes of us. His hand rubbing his dick in slow steady movements. "This is so cool." "Bet your dying to spunk off, right?" Karen asked him. "Sure am," he replied. "Maybe this will help," Karen said. Before I realised what she meant, Karen turned and started kissing me. Her hand went to my chest where she cupped my breasts, fondling and pinching my nipples. I moaned and leaned back a bit. "That's kickin," chubby lad said. "Fuckin hell!" Slim lad obviously wanted to see more and inched his way into the cave to watch what was going on. Karen and I parted a little to let him see us. I was on my back, propped up on my elbows while Karen lay beside me. Her hand ran down my stomach, my legs parted automatically for her, and then brushed over my pubes, gently teasing my labia. I sighed and widened my legs further. Her fingers teased me a little, flicking over my clit making me gasp. She looked over at slim lad and I followed her gaze. He had his hand inside his swim shorts, clearly rubbing his dick, although still refusing to whip it out in front of his mate. "Shall I finger her?" Karen asked them. Slim boy nodded. But chubby lad said: "Yeah. Go on. Stick your finger in her." Karen obliged him. She slipped 2 fingers inside me. I gasped and sank down on he fingers. Of all the things I've done recently this was by far the weirdest of the lot. I was letting Karen finger me, a very intimate thing anyway, while one chubby lad openly wanked and the other did it in his swim shorts. I was extremely aroused. I admit it. I was so horny. My fanny was very wet and Karen had no problem sliding a third finger inside me. Her thumb rubbed my clit at the same time. I'm not an exhibitionist but this was truly awesome. There was a huge mixture of emotions in me, still is as a write this down. I was aroused, sure, I was shocked, still, I was embarrassed, couldn't help that one as it was just so unusual. "I reckon she's going to reach her peak soon," said Karen conversationally. "How are you doing over there?" "I'm going to cum...oh yeah..." said chubby lad. "Me too," slim lad added. "Good for you," said Karen. She continued to finger me hard. I could feel my orgasm build up. I stared at cubby lads dick as he masturbated a few feet away from me. "Oh shit...unh..." I moaned. I was panting and straining against Karen's fingers. "unh...yes...finger me harder...make me cum...oh please...yes..." "Shit!" exclaimed chubby lad. That seemed enough for him. "Oh fuck!! Yeah! You two are so hot...I'm cuming...fuckkkk!" He started to ejaculate. Beads of spunk shooting out of his dick. The first couple of shots landed on my thigh, hot and slimy, then my shin and the cave floor. I was mesmerised, just couldn't stop staring at his dick as he continued to rub it hard. I felt the rush build up inside me and I started shaking. "Ohhhh...yes, yes, yes....unhhh yeah...I'm c-cuming..." My orgasm wracked my body. I shook against Karen's fingers as they fingered me throughout a very long orgasm. I could hear slim lad saying he was spunking too inside his swim shorts. I panted and shuddered and finally relaxed, my arms and legs went limp. Karen removed her fingers and licked my juices off them. She bent down and kissed me, her tongue sliding against mine. Her hand rubbing along my thigh, smoothing chubby lads sperm into my skin. We looked over at the lads, chubby lad was putting his swim shorts back on and slim lad was looking very awkward. I felt a bit sorry for him really. I reckon if his mate hadn't have been there he would have gladly shown us his dick. I was starting to feel embarrassed again, I just can't help it. The lads got to their feet. "That was so cool," said chubby lad. "You two are amazing." "Well thank you very much," Karen replied. "We better get going," chubby lad said. He blew us a kiss and left the cave. Slim lad followed him then paused at the entrance. He turned and looked at us, opened his mouth to speak then stopped. He glanced at us then said: "Thank you. You're very beautiful." He left. As I put on my bikini I felt very happy. Chubby lad was outright sex mad, you could see it in his eyes. He was over the moon to have seen such a sight and would be telling all his mates when he got home. But I suspected slim lad was more intelligent and caring than that. He wouldn't brag about it, but keep it to himself. He was very grateful for witnessing what every man seems to dream about. Karen and I left the cave and took a long leisurely swim in the pool. The cool water was relief to my hot sticky skin. I hadn't realised how hot it was inside the cave with four of us. We headed back to the others. Janine was over at the bar chatting to a group of lads. Mum and dad were both doing a crossword. They asked where we had been for the last 3 hours. 3 hours! Holy shit! Karen quickly explained that we had been on the rubber ring river ride all the way around the park and then sat in the bubble pool. We spent the rest of the day sunbathing, every now and then Karen would glance over at me and we'd smile. It's 7pm now. I've just had a nice cool shower and we're all going out. It's been quite an eventful day really. I never thought I'd do anything like that, ever. I am still reliving the whole thing in my head now. Right. Off out. ---------------------------- Day 4 It's 11am, we're relaxing by the pool today, well me, Janine and Karen are. Mum and Dad have gone sight seeing. Boring. I'm quite happy to sit here and write in my diary. I'm still thinking about what happened yesterday. Seems so amazing to me that anything like that would happen. I think a year ago I would have been totally repulsed by the thought of having a girl masturbate me to orgasm while two lads watch and play with themselves. But now, now it seems exciting, daring and risky. What a huge thrill! I admit I wasn't sure I would go through with it, and I was so close to covering up and telling the lads to piss off. But Karen, always seems to be more daring than me, pushed the situation just enough for it be very exciting, easing me into something very erotic and kinky while not pushing too much in case I really do back off. I guess I must have an exhibitionist streak in me. I mean the whole closet mystery lover game was bizarre to say the least. And the time I met Karen by Tesco, and now this. I am still nervous about doing things like that, but my heart races and I get turned on so much that nerves and doubts are covered over, at least until after when I have time to really think about what I had done, then I feel very embarrassed. God, I could analyse this all day! I think we're off round the bars tonight. Am looking forward to it, but not if you get what I mean. I am in the mood for a few drinks and fun but I can't say I'd want to see Karen kissing someone else for the sake of appearing single and free. The idea makes me feel sick in fact. I will have to get used to it if I am to keep our secret. Right, time for a swim. ---------------------------- 5pm. Nice relaxing day. Swimming. Talking to Janine and Karen. Sun bathing. Very nice. If we did this every day I'd be quite happy. I'm sat on my balcony at the moment. Mom and Dad got back a while ago, been looking at local scenery or something, yawn. I have to tell you that I have enjoyed today mainly because I can look at Karen's body without arousing any suspicion. I wore my sunglasses and watched her sun bathe and swim. She wears such a skimpy bikini it makes mine look like an all in one thing! A g-string doesn't cover her bum, a tiny triangle covers her fanny and two more triangles cover her nipples and such a small part of her breasts. Janine's isn't much better, maybe covering more skin I think, but she has bigger boobs than Karen and a bit more around her waist too. Problem is that I found myself getting horny watching Karen playing in the pool, she was constantly pulling her bikini back into place after the water moves it about. I struggled to stay on my sun lounger. I wanted to sprint into the bathroom and bring myself off at one point. Then Janine asked me what I was staring at and I realised it must have looked odd, me lying there looking in one direction. Even though she couldn't see my eyes it was obvious I was staring at something. I just lied and said I was staring at the city below us. I heard her mutter something like "lezbo" before diving into the pool. How nice. She's always giving me nasty comments like: "twat head" and "loser" and so on. She's such a nice person to have around, she does care about me (I think, I hope!) but keeps up this façade of not liking me. I'm going to go jump in the pool now, then take a shower and get ready to go out. Hope this evening is fun. ---------------------------- Day 5 10am. Last night was bad. I got back about 2.30 this morning and feel asleep in a half undressed state. I was drunk, too drunk to finish getting undressed. I woke up with my skirt half way down my legs, my top wrapped around my arm and my bra tangled up back to front, no idea how that happened. I'm sat by the pool on my own now. Karen and Janine have gone to the beach to go on the banana boat, Mum and Dad are off to the south of the island. I'm glad I have my thoughts and my diary and unfortunately a hangover too. I do remember some bits from last night but not all of it. We headed out to B52, very cool bar, had some Schnapps shooters to start with. The place was quite busy even this early in the year. After a few drinks we strolled along to Lumber Jacks for more Schnapps shooters. We met a group of lads from Birmingham, very loud and happy guys all too thrilled to gather around us. It was good fun chatting and laughing with them, although it's easy to see how those TV programs like Greece Uncovered get their footage, people are just outrageous. I think it was about midnight when we headed to The Old tree which seemed very quiet for us. Nice place but not lively enough. So we aimed for B52 again, meeting loads of people in the street, laughing and having a very good time. I was quite merry by then I think. B52 was amazing, great music, lots of people around to chat too, friendly place. I sound like I'm reviewing the place! Anyway the lads from Birmingham caught up with us and we spent the rest of the evening with them. Lads like this are after one thing on holiday. They didn't get it from me though! They were very taken with Karen, singing "get yer tits out for the lads!" and other chants. Karen was loving the attention. I didn't mind as she enjoying herself. I noticed Janine snogging one guy, Barry, who had his hand inside her top at one point, well if she likes that who am I to moan? Some of the lads split away to hassle another group of girls and Karen and I sat chatting and laughing with the rest. As far as I can remember Janine spent most of her time with her face glued to one guy or another. We did do some dancing too, very loud so you feel your body vibrate from the speakers. I admit I was quite drunk by around 1am, dancing and singing with everyone. Stevo, one of the Birmingham lads was with me, I felt his body dancing behind me, his hands on my hips as we danced. It was dark, flashing lights and lots of people around. It was no surprised that his hands were roaming around my body. I was getting a little turned on too. I let him fondle my breasts a little and my bottom too. I was happy, not feeling guilty at all. I saw Karen doing pretty much the same thing with Stevo's mate Jimmy over in a corner. I wasn't going to get jealous. I had promised myself that much. Problem was that it doesn't seem to be an emotion I can stop easily. Lots went on last night that I don't remember, or it's just a haze. I do remember seeing Jimmy leaning against a wall, Karen pressed up against him, his hands inside her vest top, groping her breasts while they kissed like mad. It made me feel sick watching them but I couldn't stop. Stevo came around to kiss me, I wasn't going to but the anger in me all of sudden made me. I kissed him full on, his hands gripping my bottom, grinding me against his body and his obvious erection. When we stopped I couldn't see Karen anywhere. I headed for the bar to get a drink then saw her and Janine outside. I joined them without saying a word and we stumbled back to the villa. I was angry, I knew I shouldn't have let myself get to that point but I couldn't help it. I don't think I am insecure but it worried me that Karen might be enjoying it too much. I don't remember getting back to the villa. When I woke up I felt very ill. Mum and Dad asked me if I was going with them or with Karen and Janine to the beach. I moaned about not feeling well and wanted to stay at the villa. I'm feeling better now but still feel that numb anger inside. Think I'll go for a swim and I might feel refreshed. ---------------------------- 5pm. Wow. Holy shit that was close. I can not believe how close that was. What Janine is thinking now God only knows. Oh shit. Okay. Calm. Stop worrying. It's not that bad. She's talking to Karen now. Got to get this down before we have a barbecue. Okay. Now Janine and Karen were supposed to be at the beach all day, although that didn't go to plan at all. Seems they met up with the Birmingham lads again but Karen said she felt ill and wanted to come back here. Janine wasn't happy at all, they had an argument and Karen came back leaving Janine on the beach. I was by the pool when Karen came over and sat down. She told me what had happened and I asked if she was really ill. She said she wasn't but wanted to spend some time with me and that was her only way out. I suggested she called Janine to say she was sorry and see if she was okay. Karen called Janine on her mobile phone. It was heated to begin with, bit of shouting, then it calmed down and they seemed to be friends again when the conversation ended. Karen sat down on a sun lounger next to me and said it was okay. Janine was concerned that Karen was ill but didn't want to come back and be bored at the villa. Karen told her she was okay, blah blah blah. So it looked like Karen and me were alone for the afternoon. I called Mum and Dad, asking them when they would be back and if they wanted me to get any food for the barbecue. They would pick some up on their way back around 6pm. Okay. So no interruptions. Karen brought out some ice cold Pepsi and we enjoyed the silence for a moment. I wasn't sure how to act around her for some reason, last nights events maybe caused me to feel weird. I didn't have to worry about it, she began telling me what happened and the nasty things Janine had said to her during the night. Turns out that Janine didn't want to be the only one getting off with guys, she'd told Karen that if she didn't see her French kiss some guy she would assume she was a lezzie and tell everyone at university. I was shocked. Didn't seem very fair to me at all. "So I got off that Jimmy lad," Karen admitted. "It was good fun, he wasn't a bad kisser really but I didn't appreciate his hands being on me at all. Another second and he'd have had a slapping." She looked at me for a moment. "You want to know if I enjoyed it don't you?" "Well..." "It's okay. Yes and no. I enjoyed the attention. I liked having people around me trying to chat me up. The kissing thing was okay. It's not my thing really. I like the bars and music and fun but not the random attention from guys." "What about at the water park?" I asked her. "That's different, " Karen said. "We were in control. We decided if anything was going to happen. Didn't you like it?" I nodded. "Loved it," I said. "Glad to hear it," she said with a smile. She leaned forward and kissed me lightly. I could smell her deodorant and suddenly wanted her close to me. "So what shall we do now?" I asked her. Karen glanced around the pool and patio. "No one else here is there!" she replied and stood up. She whipped off her bikini and stood there naked in the sun. "Lets go natural, come on!" With a rush of excitement I followed her, slipping off my bikini and throwing it on the floor. We giggled and glanced around again. Our villa on the hill is neighboured by only one other, a group from Leeds are there at the moment. We bumped into at them supermarket. Couple of men my Dads age, two women, a few kids around 10 or 11 who seem to love jumping in and out of their pool at any hour. Nice people too. I wasn't sure if anyone was home. If you walk right to the end of the garden/patio area as far away from the house as possible you can look into the garden next door. There are seats at the end where you can sit and get a view of the ocean and city below. You have to pick a good spot where you won't be seen naked and hope no one is going to be peeping at you. Karen skipped over to me, her breasts bouncing in the sun. Her body is already getting tanned, the only part still white is around her pubic hair, and even they have been trimmed into a very small vee shape. She looked so sexy. I held her in my arms and we kissed quick and fast. The smell of her skin next to mine was sheer heaven. We parted and giggled again. It was exciting, like we were doing something naughty and might get caught. I was about to say something when Karen's face changed to one of shock, she looked over my shoulder making me turn my head to see what she was staring at. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 05 Before I knew what had happened I was in the pool. Karen had caught me off guard and pushed me in! I rose to the surface and shouted at her! She was laughing and pointing at me. I was mad for all of a few seconds. Then I swam over to the side and looked up at her, she was about to say something when I pushed my feet against the bottom of the pool, shot out of the water, grabbed her legs and pulled her in with me. It was a huge splash. I went under too, surfaced and blinked water from eyes. Karen had gone. I felt her arms wrap around me from behind, her lips kissing my legs, her hands sliding against my breasts as they stroked up and down my body. My head rested against her shoulder, her lips seeking out mine, her hands exciting me as they moved in the water over my skin. I twisted in her embrace, gliding in the water until I faced her. The feel of the water flowing around us was very sensuous, splashing against our skin as we moved together, mini currents ebbing around us. The sunlight glinted on the water and reflected on our naked bodies. As we held each other, kissing, I felt Karen's hand swim between my thighs, it brushed against my fanny making me moan a little, her fingers rested on my clit which was burning with desire. She teased me for a moment, flicking the very tips of her fingers over my clit. I groaned and pushed down a bit in the water inviting her to slide her fingers inside me. "Please..." I whispered. I gasped as she pushed two fingers into me. It felt so filling inside. "Uhnnn...oh Karen...yes..." I reached between us, following the contours of her body with my hand until I reached her labia, she was breathing heavily as I parted her lips and stroked her clit. As I slide a finger into her she placed her mouth on mine and kissed me deeply, her wet face slipping against mine. The water around us was moving, little waves started to appear generated by our motions. This was a first for me, doing it in a swimming pool. We humped each others fingers, both desperate to climax. The waves became bigger and so did our moans. "Haley...oh god yes...do me....harder..." I forced my fingers in and out of her, the pressure of the water slowed down our actions and I realised we were actually making a lot of noise. "Karen...oh g-god...h-hush...next door will hear us..." I panted. With a smile and a with two fingers still inside me she pressed her thumb against my clit and rubbed it quickly. I let out a long loud moan as my orgasm took over my body. "Fuck them," Karen cried as she too began to climax We exploded against each other, thrashing about in the water. We parted quickly, our bodies suddenly very sensitive. I floated away on my back and stared at the clear blue sky, catching my breath. After a moment I glanced at Karen who was bobbing next to me, tiny waves of water lapping over her breasts. "Do you think they heard?" I asked her. "If anyone's home it's probably likely," she replied with a wicked smile. "Do you care?" I thought for a moment. "Not really," I said. "What are they going to do about it anyway?" "Exactly. If it's one of the husbands they've probably got a boner and were very happy to hear or watch us." "Their wives?" "They'd be so turned on they'll be screwing their husbands like it's going out of fashion later," Karen suggested. We floated in the water for a while. It was very peaceful. It was a very free feeling, being naked in the pool, Karen with me, not worrying about who would see or find out. For the smallest of moments it was like nothing else mattered, no one else existing but us. We had all the time in the world and prepared to take things easy. Karen climbed out of the pool, dripped her way over to the table and brought our Pepsi's back. She jumped in showering me with water. I was very thirsty. We smiled at each other, this was our secret and we were enjoying it to the fullest. I had swum over the wide round steps at the other end of the pool and was sat on the lowest. My breasts were just above the surface of the water. I watched Karen dive under and do handstands, applauding her aqua acrobatic skills. "Ten out of ten, every one," I told her as she swam over to me. "Come on," Karen said, giving me a quick yet deep kiss. She glanced at her watch. "Lets get out and take a shower." "Sounds good to me," I replied as we climbed out of the water. We had just stepped out of the pool when disaster struck. It happened at such an awkward time. We froze mid stride when we both saw who was standing in the doorway. Janine simply stared at us, her mouth open in shock. It was like time had stopped for us. Like we were destined to live out the rest of our lives in this captured time bubble, shock, embarrassment and huge waves of guilt screaming at us at being caught in the act. We stared at Janine and she stared back. Actually now I look back on it there could be a whole load of excuses for what we were doing and what she saw, I'll have to find out from Karen what she told her later. But at the time it was devastating. We stood there completely naked, water dripping from our bodies, my arm about to loop around Karen's shoulders, her hand on my bottom. I didn't know what to say or do. I could feel the embarrassment monster laughing in my face as loud as possible. My cheeks burned and I wanted the world to just swallow me up and take me away. We probably only stood there a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime. Karen was fast, too fast really, guilt giving birth to her reaction. She skipped over to Janine and flicked water in her face who suddenly realised what her vocal chords were for. "What are you doing without any clothes on?" she asked. "Huh?" Karen replied with mock surprise. "Come on let's swim!" "Haley...what the hell!" Janine said. "What were you two doing?" "Swimming, what else?" Karen asked, pretending to be dumb. "Swimming!" said Janine. "Yeah right. Haley. Gross. Cover up." I looked down at my body. "Why?" I asked, wondering how clever I was being. "Why?" Janine asked. She stared at me. "You're my sister! I don't want to see you naked thank you." She looked at Karen. "Or you really. So. Swimming?" "Yes." Karen looked confused. "In the pool," she suggested. "We were just going to get changed actually." I could see her thinking this explanation over to see if it matched what her eyes had seen. "Yes...swimming. But naked, with Haley?" "Sure why not?" said Karen. "What's wrong with that? We're not any place public are we? It's relaxing and you get an all over tan at the same time. Come on, try it out, feels great." "But..." Janine's argument was losing power. "Go for it," I urged, suddenly feeling less shocked and embarrassed and more intrigued to see how far Karen was willing to go in order to shift Janine's accusing mind away from us. "Well...okay...I thought you were feeling ill." "Had some tablets, come on," said Karen helping an extremely confused Janine off with her t-shirt. Janine pulled off her clothes and bikini and stood naked with Karen and I next to the pool. She glanced at us. "Just swimming?" she asked. We nodded. "Nothing else to do is there?" I asked her. Janine nodded slowly. I was getting a bit concerned with her continuous suspicions and thought it might be best if I let Karen lay out our excuses on her own. "I'm going to take a shower," I said. "Okay," Karen replied, turning back to Janine. "One, two, three...go!" They dived into the pool. I watched them surface, laughing and giggling together. Even though the water distorted the view I could see my sisters body under the surface and I thought back to the time in the closet. I must have been stood there lost in thought for longer than I realised. "Hello? Haley? What are you staring at? Will you go put some clothes on?" I jumped. "Sorry," I said. Realised I was stood there naked staring at my sister. "Catch you in a bit." I turned and headed indoors. I took a nice long shower, imagining Karen's hand on my body. I was angry that Janine had turned up before we managed to take our shower together. I was still worried about Janine's reaction. I so hope she doesn't still think we were doing anything more than swimming. Fingers crossed that Karen managed to persuade her otherwise. Anyway, am a bit calmer now. We're having a barbecue tonight, Mum and Dad have just got back so I'm going to join them. Phew. ---------------------------- Day 6 Nothing that interesting today. I'm laying on a sun lounger by the pool now, it's 6.30pm and we've all been for a drive to Kavos to the beach. Looks like a very lively place, loads of bars and people everywhere. Most of the time I've been reading and sunbathing. I went for a swim, got chatted up by a Scottish guy which was flattering. I did noticed Janine giving me a funny look every now and then, as if wrestling with some deep thoughts. I think Karen and Janine are off out tonight. I'm not in the mood, feeling a bit tired actually. Mum and Dad have been invited next door for a barbecue. Seems they've found some friends, the family are actually nice people. Think I'm going to have a sleep. ---------------------------- Day 7 Jesus. It's 6.30am. Am wide awake when I would rather be sleeping. The reason why I am like this? Janine. What a pain in the arse. She woke me at around 4am pretty drunk. I opened my eyes because I could hear someone talking right next to me. I realised Janine was sat on my bed staring into space, talking to herself or me maybe. I lifted my head and pulled the covers over me. It's very hot here and humid so I've taken to sleeping naked. Despite the weird things that have happened to me I am astonished to find myself acting so shy, besides it was my sister and regardless of history I didn't want her to see me nude. She was rambling on and on making very little sense. "Janine? Where's Karen at?" "...huh...oh...passed out...couldn't get undressed..." I glanced through the door joining our rooms and spotted Karen laying face down on her bed, one leg hanging over the edge, still half dressed. I'm not going to write down every drunken slurr that came out of Janine's mouth, I'd be here forever. She never seemed to stop talking, pausing only to take a breath. She was close to tears at times, other times very animated and happy. I think she had had a lot to drink. She babbled on about the lads from Birmingham they had met up with again. They'd been drinking Tequila Slammers and doing dares. From what I could gather it all seemed a bit silly, Stevo was dared to drink lager from Karen's shoe, Janine had to flash a breast, and I think one of the lads had to run down to the beach naked. "Why aren't you asleep?" I asked her. "You don't look well." "...was the dare...the big dare...couldn't do it Haley..." "What dare?" I asked Janine. She was looking rough, her makeup was smudged, looked like she'd been crying. "You can tell me." "...with the tequila...the dare with me and, and...Karen...course s'not my fault I couldn't do it...is it? I dunno..." "Why not?" I asked. Worried about how upset she was. We do love each other in a caring deep kind of way, on the surface we tend to insult and annoy each other for fun. "Was it that bad?" "...said it was so funny...sure it was bad...so bad...wrong...s'not funny..." I watched her struggle to find the words. "...we were s'pposed to...the dare you see...it was the dare...we were dared to do it...both of us..." "I gathered that," I said. I took a deep breath. "So what happened?" "...we got so close...I wanted to...I think I did...didn't I?" she stared at me, or the wall or stared at something anyway. "...wanted the kiss...they wanted it big...cheering us..." "Okay, getting somewhere," I said. "So, a kiss. You had to kiss someone?" "...uh-huh...kiss...no! Snog...thirty seconds...s'long time..." "Yeah," I said. "Sure. Long time." "...Karen...she...she looked...nice...was up for it...but...I couldn't...d'you think I could? Could I?" "Why not?" I said with a shrug. What the hell was she droning on about? "Do what exactly. What was the dare?" "...oh...the dare...that's easy...we, me and Karen...had to do it...snog...a thirty seconderer for the lads...dared us to do it..." As she mumbled and babbled on I lay there wondering how Karen could have put herself in such an awkward situation. I felt angry but stopped myself, it wasn't her fault. It's mine. I can't get jealous or upset every time someone pays her a compliment or tries to chat her up. It seemed that Janine wouldn't or couldn't go through with it. Looks like she'd been laughed at too by the Birmingham lads and that's why she was upset. "...why I'm upset...because I couldn't do it...and they laughed...oh...dropped my phone...and...and Karen was so...nice..." "She is," I said, watching her try to pick her phone off the floor. "...and pretty too...so pretty...can't get it...oh..." She sat upright and looked straight at me, kind of. "...you think she's pretty don't you?" "Sure," I replied. "She sure is." "Yeah...me too..." Janine stared at nothing. "...but I didn't kiss her...didn't do the dare...but..." "What?" "You think I should've?" "If you wanted to," I said. This was a first, I was about to give my older sister advice. "You should only do what you feel comfortable with. Never bow to pressure over that." "...pressure...yeah...I could've...could've done it...yeah..." "Only if you want to." She was silent for a moment. Then she asked me a question I wasn't sure how to answer. "...you...would you done it...kiss another girl...snog them?" I was quiet for a moment. If she was very drunk she may not remember it the next day so I could say all sorts. Risky. I decided to take it one step at a time and see her reaction. "Yes," I said. "Girls are pretty. Much nicer than lads." "...uh-huh...true...true...and sexy...can't forget sexy...even you..." "Oh thanks a lot," I said. "...no...no...is a good thing...you being sexy...I'm sexy too...the lads said so...but they want two girls sexy together..." "And you won't do that?" I probed. "...I would...uh-huh...have...I been there...you wanna know something...?" She wobbled on the edge of the bed, giggled and looked around conspirationally before leaning toward me. Her breath stank. "Do tell," I said. "I did it once...with a girl...well twice...but once proper...at a party...was nice...in a cupboard..." My heart stopped. I felt something bad was going to happen and wanted to be very far away when it did. I prayed she would pass out or just stop talking. "...we had our clothes off and everything...yeah...nice...she was sexy...did it with her...with each other...hmmm..." Oh shit. Just stop talking. I can't believe she was drunk enough to tell me this sort of stuff. What was I supposed to say to her knowing what I know? "...was dark...just touching...no talk...rules and that...she made me cum she did...in the cupboard...nice..." "Where was this?" I asked her. I was feeling very stupid for encouraging her but I was hoping she was have little memory of the conversation. "...Fran...big house...had great party...played closet mystery love game...very sexy...anon...anonmy...anymouse..." "Anonymous," I said. "Yeah...no one knew the other person...all in dark...secret..." "I remember," I said. Shit. It slipped out. I closed my mouth quickly. "...and with mystery people....huh? Oh yeah...Lucy invited you...you played game with us...good wasn't it?" I nodded. "Yes. Fun, so do you think Karen is mad with you?" I asked quickly trying to change the subject. "...like to do it again...not the game...well, yes the game...but with a girl...was very sexy...want to know who it was..." "She'll probably have a hang over in the morning," I said desperate to change the subject to anything. "...will find out in the end...always comes out...who did you have? Were they sexy...hot mystery lover?" I groaned. "It was a lad. Yes, lots of fun." "...no girls for you then baby sister..." Janine giggled. "...you wouldn't do that anyway...did he make you cum...your mystery lover...?" "Janine!" I exclaimed not too loudly. "...what? Only us here! We're sisters...can tell each other anything...can't we? We can...yeah..." "I made him cum," I said, feeling embarrassed telling this to my sister. Janine giggled. "Oh you dirty slut...dirty...sexy slut..." "Thanks for the compliment," I said. "...you could've had a girl...that would have been hot...hmmm...yeah...I think you would run a mile..." Janine laughed and nearly fell off the bed. "What makes you say that?" I asked now intrigued. "...you're straight...not a lesbo...you like dicks not fanny's..." "Right," I said. "Thanks for clearing that up for me. I think it's time for sleep." "...hmm? Yeah....sleep...I'd sleep with a girl...uh-uh....would you know..." "Okay," I agreed. I pushed back the sheet off my body and put my feet on the cold floor. Janine was never going to leave if I didn't get her back to her own bed. "Come on, let's get you to bed." Janine slumped over. I wrapped an arm around her and lifted her up. She wasn't very helpful, giggling and laughing as we struggled into their bedroom. I finally dropped her onto her bed where she stared at me, could have been staring at the mirror on the wall or the ceiling for all I knew, but it looked like she was trying to fix her eyes on me. "S'good that we can share...don't you think?" she asked. "Yes Janine," I replied, undoing her shoes. "Can tell each other anything...yeah...right?" "Of course," I agreed. "Anything at all." I dropped her shoes on the floor, lifted her legs onto the bed and stood up. "Sleep, you'll feel like crap in the –" "You're naked!" Janine giggled. "You got no clothes on...naked...that's funny...where're your clothes?" "It's too hot, I can't wear any at night," I said, slightly annoyed that Janine wouldn't shut up and go to sleep. I was a bit self-conscious suddenly that she was actually looking at my body. "I want to be naked...all be naked...everyone...yeah..." Janine started to undress. Chucking her clothes in a heap on the floor. "Not what you said earlier," I told her. "Yeah? Oh yeah, that was swimming...love swimming...lets go swimming...naked moonlit swimming, come on!" "Not now," I said, raising my voice a little. "I don't think Mum and Dad would be happy if they woke up to see their daughters swimming naked in the middle of the night somehow." Janine continued to undress, struggling with her bra. "Good idea...yeah...you're clever...we'll wait till they go out one night...have a naked pool party...fucking bra..." She suddenly flung it across the room knocking over a glass. I flinched. Karen mumbled in her sleep on the other bed. I breathed slowly and realised Janine was now totally naked. I couldn't see much of her body in the dark room. "...yes! Am naked too...both nude together..." "Great," I said. "I'm going back to bed. Sleep." I headed back to my room, got to the door when Janine asked me something that seemed very out of place as if she wasn't as drunk as I thought. "Haley? Would you really kiss another girl?" "Yes," I said. Honesty. Hate it sometimes. "Night," said Janine. "Night Janine," I replied and went back to bed. I looked at my watch and realised it was almost 6.30am. We'd been talking, well Janine had been talking for hours. Problem was that I was wide awake. I slipped on a baggy shirt and headed to the kitchen to get a drink. I got back, slipped off my shirt and got under the covers. I wasn't tired. Janine had woken me up and I couldn't get back to sleep at all. I could see the sky getting light. I grabbed my diary and sat out on the balcony at the table. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 05 It's quite nice sitting here watching the first rays of the morning hit the sky as I write down everything I can remember about our chat. It's weird too, sat here without any clothes on. No one can see me, it's like being an exhibitionist with no voyeur to watch me. Don't know what to make of Janine at all. Part of me hopes she doesn't remember anything about our chat, but part of me wants her to remember, not just silly stuff like her knowing I would kiss a girl, but the fact that she would remember that I was nice, that I helped her, made her feel better. I'm quite hungry now. Must be breakfast time by now. Nope. Only 7.30am. sod it, I'm having some breakfast. I fact I'm feeling daring. I'm going to go down and get some cereal without wearing any clothes at all. For some reason I feel like taking a risk. Am excited knowing I might be caught. Here I go. ---------------------------- No one saw me. How bizarre. Walking down the stairs, getting a bowl of cereal, milk, eating it at the table and then coming back upstairs. All the time nude. Oh well. I think Karen has brought out something in me I didn't even know was there, exhibitionistic tendencies. Interesting. All I have to do now is wait for everyone else to wake up. I'll end up falling asleep midday I bet. I'm going to take a shower I think. ---------------------------- Very tired. Went to beach today. Quite a secluded spot. Relaxed. Sun bathed. Slept a bit. We've just had a meal at a great Italian place and now I'm going to bed. Sleep. Karen and Janine are talking outside. No idea where Mum and Dad are. Asleep maybe. Who knows. I've been very tired and dull today. Hope tomorrow is more fun. All Janine's fault. ---------------------------- Day 8 We've had the pool to ourselves today. Mum and Dad have teamed up with the Timpson family from the villa next door and gone sight seeing, again. At least their not here moaning at us to get out and about. So Janine, Karen and I decided to spend another day lounging by the pool, listening to music and sun bathing. After yesterdays tired outing I'm a bit disappointed at not doing something fun. I would have liked to have gone back to the water park. Dad says we will in a day or so. Had a bit of an argument with Janine earlier. She asked me what I am doing writing all the time. I told her I keep a diary, always have done, and like to write in it, as much for my own pleasure as something to look back on. She didn't like the idea of me bitching about her in private, but it turns out that she couldn't complain that much since she keeps a diary herself! Karen and I hadn't spent a lot of time together so far. Not surprising really. We have managed to sneak a quick kiss and a hug here and there though. This morning after Mum and Dad had gone out, I was in the shower when someone was knocking at the door. I was annoyed because I wanted some time to get clean and get out in the sun. I stepped out of the shower, if anyone has ever been to Greece you'll know sometimes the shower isn't that luxurious, a kind of area in the bathroom with a slight dip in the floor to let the water find the plug and that's it! Our shower had a solid glass bit where the shower was, nothing more. I wiped water from my eyes and opened the door. Karen pushed me back, closed the door and locked it. I was about to protest, stupid of me, when she dropped the towel she was wearing and pressed her eager body against mine. We kissed rapidly, my arms wrapped around her, pulling her tight to me. We shuffled toward the still running shower becoming instantly drenched. "Where's Janine?" I asked between kisses. "On her bed," Karen replied. "Holy shit!" I yelped. I pulled away. "What are you doing in here?" "I just told her I was going to take a shower," Karen said. "It's okay, she knows you're in here." "Oh. And what am I supposed to be doing?" "Shaving your legs," Karen replied plainly. "Stop worrying." She kissed me again. "And she's okay with that after she nearly caught us the other day?" "Yes," Karen said with a smile. She pinched my left nipple playfully. "Tell you about it later. Right now I'm very horny." "Did she tell you about our chat?" I asked. "Kind of. Later," she said and took my nipples in her mouth. "Well we must be quiet," I said, moaning as she continued teased my nipples. "She'll find out if we're too loud." "Whisper then," Karen said. Her fingers were already slipping and sliding against my fanny, parting my lips and probing me quickly. I gave in to pleasure. Her hands worked on my body, arousing me in super fast time. Her fingers were gliding inside me, making me moan and whimper. She bent down in front of me, her mouth finding my fanny, her tongue flicking across my clit like a thirsty dog lapping water. I trembled and parted my thighs wide, pressing my fanny down onto her face, I watched the tumbling water cascade down her back as she licked me in rapid rough movements. I gasped when she began fingering me faster and I knew I wouldn't be able to last very long before I climaxed. "Karen...oh Christ...yes...I'm cuming...jesus oh shit..." I clamped a hand over my mouth to stifle my noises. I quavered as my orgasm hit. I felt very weak at the knees and Karen stood up, continuing to pleasure me with her finger as she kissed me. My body wobbled as I reached my peak, I tasted my juices on her face as we kissed, her tongue pressing inside my mouth, fast and furious. When I relaxed she hugged me, her mouth next to my ear. "I love you, Haley," she whispered. "So much. Please fuck me. Fuck me and make me cum. Please." She moved away, placed her hands on the wet tiled wall and leaned forward. I reached around behind her, cupped her breasts, pinching her nipples and slapping her bottom. I reached between her legs cupping her fanny, feeling the heat on my fingers. "Please Haley...finger me...fuck me..." I rubbed her fanny for a second, feeling her juices on my fingers, then I probed inside gently before pushing two fingers into her very wet fanny. I shunted them back and forth inside her, feeling her body shake with every thrust. "Oh...y-yeah...oh...uhn...f-fuck!! S-so good...yeah...uhnnn..." Karen grunted. "H-harder....uhn...yeah...please Haley...do it harder...fuck me hard!" I rammed my fingers inside her, concerned that Janine was going to hear Karen making even more noise than I did. "Yes! Oh...f-fuck yeah!! Haley...oh....uhn...yes...I'm c-cuming...fuck me hard...yes...fuck....uhn...yeah.....!" Karen shook violently, her hands slipping on the tiles so her body was resting on mine as I fingered her hard and fast. As her orgasm shook her body she panted and cried and moaned. It sounded louder than it really was because Janine never said anything about it. Eventually Karen sank to the floor exhausted. I lay with her, the shower still running, we held each other tight. After a few minutes we stood, Karen was very shaky on her legs. We smiled and kissed again. We washed ourselves off quickly, worried that we had spent too much time in the bathroom together and would arouse suspicion from Janine. It's surprised to me that Karen and I are so lustful. There are times when we're soft and gentle but recently it's been very frenzied and fast like animals in the wild. It's a huge turn on for me when she gets so aroused for me. ---------------------------- It's 6pm now. Just had lovely cold shower, again! Am now draped across my bed in a towel. Mum and Dad are back in a while, we're off out tonight, going to look for a nice relaxing bar, not busy and rowdy. Just had a strange chat with Janine. We were laying by the pool, Karen had ventured out to buy cigarettes from the supermarket down the road. Janine flopped down next to me and handed me an ice cold Pepsi. I thanked her and we sat in silence for a moment. I was engrossed in a book. I realised Janine was staring at me, you know that feeling you get when someone is watching you? I looked up and saw the puzzled expression on her face. "What's wrong?" I asked her. "Nothing," she said with a shake of her head. "Well kind of...it's not important really, well, kind of." "Is it or isn't it?" I asked with a smile. "Make your mind up." "It is important, but not like mega huge important or anything," Janine replied making even less sense. "If you know what I mean?" "Not really. Why don't you just say what's on your mind and worry about it being important after?" "Okay," Janine took a deep breath. I closed my book and waited. "It's about the other night, you know when I was a bit drunk." "A bit?" I said with a chuckle. "Okay, very." "Better," I agreed. "What about it?" "I told you about the dare the Birmingham lads gave me and Karen didn't I?" "Yep." I nodded. I was keeping my cool. I had no idea what she would ask me and was trying to prepare myself for anything. "And I told you about the party at Fran's house? And the game we played?" I nodded. Oh shit, what was she going to say next. "I told you about the person I did it with, right?" she asked, looking like she was trying to remember the details of our chat. "The girl?" "Yes you told me all about it," I said. "In your drunken state I kind of understood you." "Oh." Janine looked worried. "You said you'd find out who it was, the girl I mean," I said and wished I hadn't. "Eventually." "Yeah, I did say that," Janine said quietly. "I suppose I will in the end. I got a pretty good idea who it was. Just waiting for proof." Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Was she bluffing? Did she really know it was me who she had shared her body with? Why couldn't she have just passed out instead of bothering me with her drunkenness? What was I supposed to say about that now? How was I supposed to look unbothered naturally? "Why do you want to know?" I asked, being very careful. "Wasn't it supposed to be just a fun drinking game?" Janine was deep in thought. "Don't know. Curiosity I think," she said. "Nothing wrong with that," I agreed. "You want to see this girl again or something or just want to know plain and simple?" "Bit of both," Janine stated. "Need to know to put my mind at ease I think. She was very...you know...good." "Yes. Good. Says it all," I said with a smile. "Don't tease me," she said throwing a towel at me. "You know what I mean." "Nope. Spell it out for me," I said enjoying watching her squirm. "She was...good...okay sexy and well...knew things..." Janine blushed and looked very uncomfortable. She saw my questioning eyes. "...knew how to...oh god...fine I'll say it! She knew how to pleasure me and make me cum. Happy with that explanation?" I nodded. "Yep. You can be very articulate when you want can't you?" I laughed and held up my hands. "Joking!" "Ha. Ha," she said without smiling. "And you did the same for her too right?" I asked. I believed she didn't know it was me otherwise she wouldn't be having this conversation. "You made her happy as well?" "Of course!" she said quickly. "Well I mean...it's only right that there's give and take isn't there? She enjoyed it...I think." We sat in silence for a moment. I watched the waves in the pool and wondered why Janine would bring this up with me now? Couldn't she talk this over with Karen, her best friend? Or maybe she suspected it was Karen! "So, how long have you been a lesbian then?" I asked her, smiling broadly hoping she would see my face and the obvious joke intended. "I don't think I am a...lesbian," she said solemnly. "It was only one time, well another time before that which was very brief and silly. I can't say I'm a..." She saw my expression, frowned then smiled. "You bitch!" "Joke! Joke! Take it easy!" "Knew I shouldn't have said anything to you." "It's fine, really, don't worry about it." "You'll keep this a secret won't you? Please?" She asked suddenly looking very worried. "Don't tell anyone?" "Lips are sealed." "Thanks. She stared at the pool for a moment. "I asked you something didn't I? Something important?" "You asked lots of things," I said buying some time. "What was it?" she stared at me for ages. "Oh yeah. If you'd ever kiss a girl. That was it. Remember now." Her expression changed again, a look of curiosity and wonder. "You said you would didn't you?" Here goes. "Yes," I said. Wait for it. Wait for the shock and disgust. "Really? Why?" I took a deep breath. "Women are beautiful. They're sensuous and loving. Let's face it, we were designed by the best artist in the universe," I waved my hand at our bikini clad bodies. "We're works of art. Men were designed by a moron with no sense of aesthetics." Janine nodded but didn't say anything. I hoped she wouldn't ask me if I actually had. I have a hard time telling lies sometimes especially when it really matters that the truth doesn't come out. "Works of art," Janine mused. "I like that." She stood and stretched. I watched her stroll over to the pool and stare at the crystal blue water. She was about to dive in when something struck me. "So who was the other girl then?" I asked. "You said there was someone else, before the closet game." Janine turned and stared at me. "Oh. Well she was..." We both saw Karen walking through the villa to the back door. "...doesn't matter," Janine finished. "Was a long time ago." She dived into the water and surfaced as Karen was walking round the pool. She waved a bag at us and was smiling like a maniac. "Guess what I found at the supermarket?" she said to me. "Hey Janine come and see this." Janine climbed out of the pool. I passed the towel she had thrown at me and we watched Karen fetch a brown paper bag out. Inside was a small box with a naked women on the front, I guessed they were nude playing cards. The other was a DVD box, black with no picture on. "Great," said Janine drying herself. "You got a some cards and a blank DVD case. Aren't you clever?" "Idiot." Karen shook her head. "It's a porno. They sell them in the bloody supermarket right at the back next to the magazines. Can you believe that! The guy at the desk told me he couldn't put the pictures on because it's illegal and kids might see it, but he showed me a bunch of pictures, the covers for each film. I chose this one." She opened the DVD case. Inside was a small label: Amateur Med Girls – Real Sex! There were a few pictures of naked girls together and couples. It looked very dodgy to me as if she'd been sold a blank DVD. "Great. Porn. How nice," said Janine, looking offended. "We can have some fun with the cards though." "Yeah. That's going to be a laugh, we'll have a game tomorrow." That was when I decided to take a shower. It's so hot here, the pool is great for cooling down but you can't exactly take your shower gel in there with you! So now I'm laying on my bed. Karen and Janine are in their room getting ready. Thought I would write todays events up while I get the chance. Taking a diary on holiday with me is quite useful, I don't always remember all the details and what people said word for word but I get pretty close when I can write it down quick. So. Thinking about main points. Janine telling me about her bi-curious nature. Asking me if I would kiss a girl. Telling me she knows who her mystery closet lover is. And now Karen bringing porn into the equation. Jesus. What next! This is certainly the weirdest and best holiday I have been on in my life. Going to get dressed now I think. Laters. ---------------------------- Day 9 Yes! Water park day today! I must be very sad indeed to have brought my diary along with me. Some people read, others listen to music. I write. So there. We decided to come this morning. Bit of a rush though but we got here just after 10am. Not very busy today, or not yet anyway. I've already been down loads of slides and it's only 11.30am. My legs are a bit sore after scratching them on the last slide so now I am getting some sun. Mum and Dad are in the pool, Janine is somewhere and Karen has gone to get something to eat. Not much happened last night. Karen, Janine and I found a great restaurant by the beach. I had swordfish steak, feel my mouth watering just thinking about. We sat outside after watching the waves lap the shore and just chatted away. No real interesting topics came up, just nice conversation, very grown up really. No drunken sillyness or anything. Must seem very boring to others for once it was nice to relax. Not much going on right now either. Just bored and decided to do some writing and as always I write about myself, I'm not self-absorbed honest, I just write what is around me and what I experience. Enough. More later. ---------------------------- Turned out to be a fun day after all! We got back about an hour ago, it's nearly 7pm now, wow, that late? Just got time to fill in some blanks. We stayed at the water park until around 4pm when we all decided to get home, have something to eat and freshen up. I asked to be dropped off in the town so I could buy some souvenirs for friends, Karen decided to tag along and look for something for her parents. Janine headed home with Mum and Dad. We shopped for about an hour. I bought some nice bracelets for my friends and Karen found a nice name plate for her parents house. We sat on the beach for a while eating an ice cream and drinking a much needed 7up, it was still very hot and we decided to take a quick swim in the sea before heading home. We have spent most of our time around the pool and not much in the sea. We still had our bikini's on under our t-shirts. We strolled along the beach through past the families and kids building sand castles. We realised if you walk far enough you actually leave the populated beach far behind you and have total privacy. We wondered why no one came down the beach that far, but I guess it was only the start of their season and it wasn't very busy at all. I found a nice rock to sit on next to the cliffs. I squinted up trying to spot our villa. No chance, not without binoculars or something. I swigged my 7up, kicking off my Nike's at the same time, the sand felt lovely and welcoming under my toes. I passed the can to Karen and took off my t-shirt. "Is that all?" she asked me. I shrugged not understanding. "Is that all that's coming off?" "Yes it is. I'm not running around in my birthday suit on a beach, let alone a populated one." "Too bad," Karen said. She swallowed the last of the 7up, dropped the can next to her bag and whipped off her t-shirt. "I was hoping you'd join me." "Not following," I said. Karen was fast, she was out of her bikini in seconds and stood there with her hands on her hips like a beach goddess or something. "Jesus!" I cried out with laughter. "Cover up! Someone might see you." "Who? Where are they?" asked Karen looking around at the empty stretch of beach. "No one here." She was mad. I couldn't believe she was that brazen. I love being naked, it's a great free feeling, very sexy at times too. I'm always happy to stroll around without a stitch on at home when no one is around. Same at the villa, no one there and I'm happy to sunbathe naked. "But there could be," I said. "I'm not doing it." Karen started dancing in front of me. Smoothing her hands over her body, cupping her breasts and leaning forward right in front of my face. I reached out to touch her and she swiftly moved away. "Uh-uh, no touchy touchy until you're stripped and bare ass nekkid!" For a moment I wasn't going to give in. I didn't want to be spotted and end up with people taking photos or a crowd gathering to spy. I looked about, she was right, no one could possibly see us. If some sad photographer nerd had a good enough zoom her might get some good shots from the villas on the hill top or from the other side of the bay. If he's that persistent then good luck to him. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 05 I had to admit that it was the risk I liked as much as actually being naked. I loved the idea of being caught or the possibility that I might be caught doing something rude and naughty. It's Karen's fault I had become an exhibitionist, I never wanted to do anything like that before I met her and now I getting my clothes off at every chance. I stood and looked around again. "We'll race to the sea and dive in," said Karen. "No one will see us under the water. Then we race back again." Before I lost my nerve I undressed, throwing my bikini to the floor. I grabbed Karen's hand and we sprinted to the water. We splashed our way out until it was up to our knees and then we dropped into it, making huge splashes. I wiped the water from my eyes and glanced over at Karen who was kneeling in the water. I was about to tell her off when I figured that anyone glancing over in our direction would see a topless girl in the water. Her waist was below the waves, just about. I could still see people on the beach, a few hundred meters away, and see them clearly enough to see what they were wearing. If I could see them they could see me, and that was the big thrill. After splashing about for a while we decided to head home. It had been fun. Karen stood in the sea and pulled me to my feet. It's always weird when you've been floating and then stand to find the water only comes to your knees. I wanted to dash back to the sand and get dressed before anyone saw us but Karen had other things on her mind. She circled an arm around my waist and pulled me to her. I felt her rigid nipples against my breasts and the water trickling between our bodies. She kissed me, holding me tightly against her. I kissed her back, our tongues dancing and playing. "Is anyone looking?" she asked. "How should I know?" I replied. I couldn't see anyone, and besides I was more interested in the lips that had just been taken away from my own. We kissed again. Quite how long she wanted to keep this up was beyond me, she seemed to live on the same thrill as I did, almost being caught was such a rush. Although we were actually caught in the cave at the water park but that was different, I loved that. Eventually we decided that no one had seen us or was bothering to come closer and spy. We walked hand in hand back to the beach to our things. Karen lay back on a rock letting the sun touch her skin. It was a sigh to see. I think even if I wasn't attracted to her I would still think she had a beautiful body. We dressed and strolled back along the now almost deserted beach. We passed a deeply tanned grey haired man I reckon was in his mid fifties. He was sat on a large flat rock near the steps to the road and was smiling as we approached him, at first I thought he was just happy or pleased about something, then the closer we got the more her seemed to stare at us. I felt a bit weird about it. We had to walk around the rock and the man to get to the road and he just didn't stop staring at us the whole time. We were only about 20 feet away from him when he touched the rim of his hat nodded to us. "Evening ladies," he said. His voice was deep and mellow, the Greek accent very strong. "You swim today I see. Good water yes?" We nodded together. "Yes. Lovely," I said. "That's good. Refreshing to the body with much sun," he said. "Sure is," Karen replied as we approached. "Is very hot today," the man said and chuckled. "Many people come in centre of year. Get burned like hamburger. You choosing good time to be visiting our island." "Thank you," I said giving Karen a quick glance. "I'm glad you visit with us," he continued. "Young ladies loving the sea. For me old man is a pleasure to see youth. Is much glorious sight." I blushed. "Thank you," was all I was able to say. We continued around his rock. "You want look for different beach," he said. "Is half and half here but no complete undress. Yes?" We stopped and looked round at him. I glanced at Karen who looked as puzzled as I felt. "Half and half?" Karen asked. "Yes indeed," he held his hands above his waist to indicate the top half of his body. "Top half okay. Bottom half not so good here." "O-kay," said Karen. "We'll bare that in mind." "Bare!" the man started laughing. "You funny jokers. Bare. Naked. Is funny." "I guess," I said. Was he mad? What was he talking about? "So you see road? You follow road to Myrtiotissa beach. Find beach with sign. There you are going bare naked. Is good. Is okay." I realised what he was talking about. I stared at him then looked at Karen who also figured what he meant. "How..." "No one see," the man said. "Is okay. Me only. I keep secret. Yes. Is all good." "You saw us?" I gasped. "Yes but is okay," he replied. He patted a pair of binoculars on the rock next to him which we hadn't noticed. "You beautiful ladies have fun. Yes? You swim bare naked. You in love, I see. Is very beautiful." "Thank you," I managed to say. "Is no problem," he replied with a wave of his hand. "I thank you too. Go have fun. Be young." We smiled and climbed the steps to the street. My face was burning with embarrassment. So someone had seen us naked. Jesus. Just our luck really assuming no one would be able to see us. "That was lucky," Karen said as we walked back to the villa. "Not what I was thinking," I replied. "He was watching us the whole time." "But he kept it to himself didn't he?" Karen stated. "Nice guy." As we walked I felt a rush of excitement. We had been spotted and watched by someone. He was a nice guy. Seemed happy to sit and watch people on the beach, enjoy the pleasures of kids building sandcastles and young people having fun. And he just happened to spot two young ladies strip off and covert naked in the sea. Maybe we had made his day with our display. ---------------------------- Day 10 Can't believe we only have 4 days left. Feels like we got here yesterday. Well can't stay here forever, would love to live here, this place is lovely. I'm on my balcony now, it's 8am. Yes that early! We're going on a boat trip to visit Paxos island today so I don't have much time to write about last night, although nothing major happened. Mum and Dad were with the neighbours, the Timpsons, while we sat outside drinking. Seems they've been getting on really well with their family. They're going on a boat tomorrow all day with them so they must have really connected. Anyway, I should really get to the point even though I don't want to do it. Last night I heard Mum and Dad doing it in their bedroom. I woke up really thirsty and went down to get a drink, on my way back upstairs I heard someone yelp and figured someone had stubbed their toe or seen a huge bug or something. Then I heard more sounds, moaning and so on. I realised it was my parents. They were having sex and not keeping it quiet at all. I was grossed out at first but my stupid curiosity got the better of me and I crept toward their bedroom door ready to dash away if they heard me. I had no idea why I was even listening. It's not a great thought to think of them doing it but they were so loud. After a few seconds I heard my Mum cry out: "Do me harder. Come on you bastard. Fuck me!" That was it, I left them alone and went back to my room. That's not what I wanted to hear at all. So gross. I accept they're not pensioners sat in a wheelchair or anything so must get randy like everyone but to hear them...no thanks! Okay. Go to go. ---------------------------- Phew. Long weird day. I'm exhausted. It's 9.30pm now. We stopped at a nice bistro on the way back for something to eat. Mum and Dad are next door again, Janine and Karen have gone clubbing. I just wanted to relax and listen to some music. Was a good day out, boat was quite big really, and the water wasn't that bad, I thought it would be quite rough but very gentle. Paxos was nice. Had a good walk around. On the way back the boat pulled in by some caves and we could go swimming. The water was amazingly clear, so blue and there were loads of fish all over the place. I stripped down to my bikini and dove into the water. Sweet relief. I've got a nice tan now but today I think I've caught the sun more, my shoulders are a bit sore. The water was like a cool body glove wrapped around me. Most of the people on the boat were in the water, I had actually bought a snorkel with me so I could see the fish. Almost everyone was diving under or laying on the surface slowly paddling along watching the fish. I dived under a few times to get closer. Lots were doing that, then coming up for air before dipping down below again. Karen and Janine were doing the same, we had formed a loose circle so we wouldn't lose each other. At one point I had to point out to Janine that her bikini was twisted and her left breast had popped out. She smiled thanks and covered herself up. After a while lots of people were just swimming about. Karen was busy throwing a huge beach ball to a group of kids who were swimming after it and throwing it back. Janine and I seemed fascinated by the fish. I noticed that some had ventured nearer the rocks and the cave but I didn't like the idea of cutting myself. We were watching some huge fish under the water when I saw Janine's bikini was again out of place. We bobbed under the water, our snorkels just above the surface. I waved to catch her attention then pointed to her chest. She glanced down and got a mouth full of water when her snorkel dipped below the water. She surfaced, coughed and dipped below again but her bikini was still the same. I pointed again to show her and she waved her hand as if to say "who cares?" I frowned and looked at the fish once again When we grew bored of the fish we started swimming through the crowd of people, pointing out weird sights. There was a huge women with massive legs and large stomach, that was funny to see wobbling about under water. We saw loads of people with sun burn too. I pointed to the surface after we had swum about for a bit, then I pointed at Janine's bikini trying to say "cover up first" but she shook her head. I didn't get what she was saying at all. Then I was very shocked. She pulled the bikini aside allowing both her breasts to float in the water. She grinned at me while trying to hold the snorkel in her mouth. I was amazed. What was she doing that for? I gazed at her breasts. Her brown nipples are quite big and were very erect, she has small areolas and she was touching them right in front of me. It was amazingly weird. Weird as hell. I didn't know why she was doing it at all. She must have been nuts to do it. It doesn't matter what we had done to each other in the closet game, as far as I knew she still didn't know it was me. Unless she was looking for her "proof" as she put it the other day. We splashed to the surface to see everyone making for the boat. "Talk about fun," Janine said as she pulled off her mask and snorkel. "Totally," was all I could say. The rest of the boat trip I spent staring at the sea. I didn't want to catch her eye or speak to her. Maybe I was being childish or overly worried or even reading too much into the situation. Whatever. It was weird. I needed to clear some things up with Karen. There's too much strange behaviour going on and I feel like someone knows more than I do about things. Karen said Janine had spoken to her about her drunken chat with me but hadn't told me what Janine had said yet. And how come Karen was able to use the bathroom with me when Janine was right in the next room? Something is wrong and I need to find out what. I'm going to wait until they get back then have a chat with Karen. Hopefully she won't be too drunk. ---------------------------- Day 11 7.30am. It's nice and cool. Am sat out on my balcony watching the sun and catching up on a nice chat I had with Karen when she got back from clubbing last night. Must have been around 3am. I'm wide awake now, seems that when I'm on holiday I'm unable to sleep in late but when I'm at home I could quite easily stay in bed loads longer. I've just heard Mum and Dad getting ready for their day out with the Timpson family from next door. From what I could be bothered to understand they have a friend who lives here who has kindly offered to take them out on his boat for the day. So we get the day to ourselves. So, what Karen told me. Janine collapsed on her bed as soon as they got back but I managed to call Karen over and we tip-toed down to the pool and as far away from the villa as we could. She wasn't drunk, insisting that Janine out drank her. After a nice long kiss, wish it had been more, we sat on sun loungers and I asked her about Janine. Why was Janine acting so weird around me? What had Karen told Janine when she came into the bathroom when I was there? And the pool incident when she found us naked? I felt a bit childish but needed to know. Karen told me to calm down. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I thought I would be the judge of that. She told me first about the bathroom thing. When she told Janine she had to shower, Janine had quickly pointed out that I was already in there. Karen had apparently shrugged and said "So what?" Janine laughed and said we were probably going to "Lez it up together." And to my horror Karen replied with. "Yeah, probably." Before I could start moaning Karen said Janine had asked if we had been screwing each other in the bathroom. Karen had laughed and said: "Sure, it was great, we turned each other on under the shower then fucked each other." My mouth dropped when I heard this. But Janine had replied with a stupid: "Really?" Karen laughed at this. She'd so no, she'd taken a shower while I shaved my legs, brushed my teeth and so on. And told Janine to stop being so perverted all the time. "But you told her what we did!" I exclaimed trying to keep my voice down. "As a joke," Karen stated. "Like an absurd kind of thing. Janine obviously thought we were doing just that so was relieved when I said we weren't." "She isn't stupid you know," I said feeling a bit sick. Then I asked what she had told Janine about us being naked together in the pool. That was harder to explain. I was feeling worse as Karen explained it to me. Even though Janine had gone along with the initial excuse and had indeed taken her clothes off to try out the naked swimming like we had supposedly done, she still had questions after I had left them. Janine said it was weird that we would do such a thing. Was adamant that it wasn't normal and one of us must have thought it up. "I told her we had been talking about nudist beaches," Karen said. "And the would we wouldn't we question. We agreed it would be fun but not sure if we could go through with it, especially with loads of lads gaping at us the whole time." "Great, so now she thinks I'm an exhibitionist." "She can think whatever she likes," Karen said. "So because of the chat about nudist beaches we decided to have our own private trial run?" I asked. "Exactly," said Karen nodding. "We stripped naked, went swimming and then walked around the pool as if we were on the nudist beach." It sounded plausible. Karen explained how she had told Janine that if we liked it and were comfortable with it we would go and find a nudist beach and see what it was really like. Great. So now I have to go through with it for real! Janine had asked Karen if she really would do it, Karen replied with a: "Sure, it's no big deal is it?" Looks like Janine had bought the lies, for now anyway. Or so it seemed to Karen. But since I'm a lot closer to my own sister than Karen is I was doubtful. Despite our bickering I do admire Janine, she's very clever, straight A student, pretty and outgoing at the same time. She is seldom duped by thin lies. I have my doubts. I told Karen about Janine flashing me under the water and playing with her nipples. What the hell was all that about? Karen shrugged. She didn't know. I suggested that she was playing with me, testing my reaction. Especially since she said that she knew who her mystery closet lover was but needed proof. I think she is on to me but Karen disagreed, saying that Janine was just acting out, bluffing to make it seem like she knew to look more intelligent that she really was. She made it look like she was a detective sifting through clues and would eventually discover the truth. Well I don't want her discovering the truth. As fun as it was I want that whole episode of my life to be buried and forgotten about. Sure I can admire Janine, her intelligence and her body, but I don't want to get that close to either of them, certainly not her body. We chatted for ages, sat by the pool. We agreed that if the topic of nudist beaches came up we would both have to vote in favour and if Janine wanted to go we would have to. It's not the best option but what can I do? Say: "I don't want to go to a nudist beach, I only took my clothes off so me and Karen can make love." Could I say that? I wasn't prepared to find out the response. Karen said we had the whole day together so should relax and enjoy ourselves before we got dragged down with doubt and the eternal "What if?" question. We got to bed around 4.30am. I woke up about 20mins ago and hate myself for being so awake. Why can't I just sleep in until 10 or 11?!!! Going to say Hi to Mum and Dad before they leave. ---------------------------- 9.00am. Oh god. We're going to a nudist beach. Just my luck. Mum and Dad left. We sat around kitchen table discussing what to do today. Water park idea from me, lounging around the pool here from Karen and Janine suggested we hire mopeds and go sight seeing. Nothing leaped out as a great idea. Until my lovely sister suggested we find a nudist beach to try out. I fought not to look at Karen but I kicked her under the table as if to say: "Oh great. Thanks a lot!" Janine stated that we looked like we had had fun the other day and agreed it did feel free to swim naked so we should try it out. Karen shrugged and said she was up for a laugh which left me. I had to moan about it, but gave in when Karen gave me a stern look. I've grabbed my bikini, sun tan oil, mp3 player, diary and cash. We're going to a nudist beach. How marvellous. I'm going to kill Karen. ---------------------------- 11.45am. We're here at last, Myrtiotissa beach. I don't fancy the trip back up that cliff path one bit. Was hard enough coming down it. It's actually quite busy here. It's not a huge beach. Half of it is for naturists and the other half for those who want to cover up, according to the guy at the beach bar. Thank God for beach bars, we were dying of thirst at the end of our climb and had drunk all of our water. This is a beautiful place. Nice sand, huge rocks climbing out of the sea and even a natural spring coming out of the rocks to stand under. I've had one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, thanks to these two. I'm now lying on my beach lounger trying to look casual like I do this all the time. We got here about 30mins ago, even though Karen and I knew where it was thanks to the old chap from the beach, we had to look on a tourist map to find it. We found a nice spot next to the cliff, far enough away from the crowds as we could find so we didn't look silly stripping off. It's so weird taking off all my clothes on a beach filled with people. We took a couple of bottles of water with us to our spot, grabbed some sun loungers and looked at each other. At the other end of the beach we could see people with clothes on and here no one is wearing a thing. Bizarre! We looked so awkward. Karen, always the brazen bold one, dropped her rucksack, t-shirt and water on the sand and pulled off her bikini in one go. She glanced at us then started smoothing sun lotion on her body. Janine and I stared at her then at each other. I shrugged and followed Karen's lead, removing my t-shirt and stripping naked. I wasn't entirely happy at doing this in front of my sister or the other few hundred people here either. I did it. I took off my clothes in public. I put on some sun lotion and sat on my lounger with my diary. Janine was the last one standing. Karen told her to stop being so silly and get on with it. At last she went for it. She shrugged off her clothes and stood there looking very uncomfortable. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 06 Note: This diary entry for April 2005 has been a long time coming. It feels like it's taken a decade to copy it up from my hastily handwritten diary. In fact there's so much to cover since my Holiday Diary that I don't think I'll be able to squeeze it all into one submission, just have to see how it goes. For anyone who has read my other diaries you'll know I do leave out the really boring stuff, no one wants to know what I ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday! Anyway, there's lots to tell so I'll get right to it. ---------------------- Tuesday April 12 Have broken my leg. Am not happy. The doctors said it was a nice clean break which is good news. I don't see anything good about it one bit. Shit. I fell down the steps outside college yesterday. I stumbled on the top step and I swear I heard my right leg crack when it hit the steps. My throat is still sore from crying and my eyes hurt. I was rushed to hospital and I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life. It's horrible really to think like that. There's so much bad stuff in the world and I was worried about my leg. God damn it's itchy now. Someone managed to get hold of my Mum who turned up at the Accident & Emergency after I arrived. I feel a bit ashamed now. I must have looked like a right baby, crying all the time. Mum did her best to calm me down, telling me it was going to be okay. She helped a bit but it was just so painful. I now have a huge cast on my leg, makes me look so stupid. I can't move even though I have crutches. I daren't go anywhere in case the pain comes back. So right now I'm laying out on my bed writing about the shitty time I'm having. I've got a remote for the TV, drinks and magazines and Mum who keeps fussing over me. She has taken a few days off work to look after me, and then after that I'm on my own, how nice. Six weeks minimum I have to wear it for, oh the joy of it. After that I have to have another x-ray and maybe another cast. I don't understand why I have to have such a huge thing though. The break was well below my knee but this great stupid thing comes up a few inches past my knee. How am I supposed to find anything to wear that doesn't involve ripping up my clothes? Hate this. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. I've been so happy just lately. Had a fantastic holiday, returned on a high, Janine and I are getting along so good now, no more arguments or anything. I was even happy to get back to college, prepare for exams and finish off the year. And now this has happened. Shit. Fucking shit. I haven't seen Karen since the weekend. I can't find my phone anywhere and I can't ask Mum to call her because once again we have to keep things secret. Does Karen even know I'm injured? Janine said she would find her and let her know for me. God I'm bored. Bored to death already and it only happened yesterday. It's not just bad enough to be stranded on a bed like this, not able to get up and move around whenever I want, but I have to rely on my Mum for almost everything. And that is embarrassing as hell. The doctors said I will have to rest for at least a week before I start moving around, give the leg some time to let the swelling go down. A week!! That's seven days of doing nothing. I wouldn't mind that if I didn't have a broken leg at the same time. Came home late last night. Hospital said I didn't need to stay in overnight which was a relief, I don't like them, they smell weird. Dad came home early and then he and Mum helped me upstairs onto bed. Dad sat with me for a while and I did stop crying eventually. Then Mum suggested Dad make himself scarce as Mum and I needed to discuss a few "women's things". Oh Jesus, that made me cringe. I've always been able to discuss pretty much anything with my parents, when I started puberty my Mum was very open and helpful, but we never had this mystical thing called "the talk" so I didn't have to endure what could have been an extremely awkward conversation. I'm clued up about the birds and the bees. I'm not some stupid ignorant inner city girl who can't read and has been shagging since she could without knowing the full facts. I'm no snob, but I am educated and knowledgeable so I know the ins and outs of sex. Mum closed the door and took a deep breath. I tensed in the hope that whatever she said it wouldn't be as bad as I feared. She then asked me if I needed the toilet, which was something I didn't expect. "No...why?" I asked now very puzzled. "Because you're not going to be able to get there on your own for a while," Mum replied. I didn't see her point at first but then the penny dropped and I realised what she meant. "Oh...but how do I...?" "With a lot of patience and my help," Mum told me. At the hospital the doctors had sliced my jeans from bottom to top. They were pulled away from me gently and even though I was wearing underwear it would have been embarrassing but the pain was more important at the time. Before they let me go home Mum went out and bought me a pair of thin cotton trousers, very baggy indeed. She cut the leg out of one side so it looked like one half full length and the other side like I was wearing a pair of shorts. The end of the leg came just above the knee where my cast ended. That was suitable to cover me up for the trip home. I didn't fancy getting in and out of them everyday though. It took ages to actually get into them, I was dreading taking them off. As my Mum outlined her toilet plan I realised with horror that there were a whole heap of other things I wouldn't be able to do without help. Getting dressed was kind of easy except below the waist. I would need help there. The toilet plan didn't seem very enticing I had to say, but then I asked her about taking a bath, how the hell was that supposed to happen? I started crying again wishing this would all just go away. Mum was very kind. She sat with me for a while telling me it was going to be okay and I'd be back on my feet in no time. I know she was trying to help but it all just seems so hopeless, I can't go anywhere or do anything without someone helping me. If I could just get some crutches I could at least hobble about on my own. The embarrassing part came when I eventually did confess to my Mum that I needed the toilet and she said she'd help. After shuffling to the edge of the bed she helped me sit up and swing my leg over. I used one crutch under my arm and Mum had her arm around me and very slowly I stood up. That bit was fine, except when I hoped a little and then the pain hit me. Jesus it made me feel sick. I started crying again and Mum started yelling to my Dad downstairs that there was something wrong and it shouldn't hurt me this much. Dad assured us both that we had to keep on top of the pain killers for a few days until the swelling was reduced. So onto the toilet, I've not been embarrassed like that for a long time. It must have taken about 15 minutes to get from my bedroom, along the hall to the bathroom and I was worn out by then. So Mum had me stand with my back to the toilet right in front of it. She then eased down my huge baggy (one legged) trousers to the floor and then my knickers. I could feel my face burning red. I don't think my Mum has seen my naked since I was about 11! I thought she was going to leave then but she insisted on lowering me onto the toilet. Jesus, it was so bad. Then I sat there, and Mum told me I should be grateful for the help, there're a lot more people in the world all alone with far worse injuries and worries than I have. I thanked her and admitted it was embarrassing for me but she just waved a hand and told me I didn't have anything she hasn't seen before, whatever the hell that meant! Then she left the bathroom, thank God! Even that was bad, I knew she was stood outside the door waiting for me to finish, but I have a problem there. I have always found it hard to pee if I know someone can hear me. Weird right? Well I don't want them to know what I am doing! Anyway, I realised I had to just do it. So with that ordeal over, Mum helped me get dressed again and we made the long, very long trip back to my bedroom. She headed downstairs after that, I insisted she didn't have to stay and watch me all the time, while thanking her at the same time. So I've been sat here writing all this, feeling very sorry for myself, wishing I was anywhere else but here. I'm stuck in bed and so unhappy. Why me? I've never broken anything before, so why now? And why when the summer is just about here? I can already picture my long dull summer break stretching out before me, all my friends having a great time and me stuck here, doing nothing. Great. Fucking marvellous. Thursday April 14 What did I do yesterday? Let me think. Oh yes, I laid on my bed because my leg is broken and I can't move. I woke up this morning completely forgetting it and went to get out of bed and was very chocked to find a great lump wrapped around my leg, and then when I realised and remembered I started crying. Jesus, I must look like a right baby. I'm not feeling at my best right now. Janine stuck her head around my door this morning, asked if I was okay, I nodded and she said she would spend some time with me later but she had to get going for work. I should be grateful that I have so many caring people here to look after me, and now I feel angry with myself for being so selfish at not wanting to be this way. I haven't heard from Karen either. I don't want to feel all clingy and needy like I need loads of sympathy from her, but I would like a hug and to see her face. She's always been able to make me feel better and I miss her. I miss her voice and her smile, I just wish she was here now with her arms around me telling me Sorry. I had to stop writing. I have a huge pile of tissues in my bin next to the bed. I had to stop, I couldn't see the page properly to write on it, tears are annoying aren't they? I should get a grip on myself. I know it will all be okay eventually and this happens to people all the time. But I just feel so upset all the time. I just remembered a weird dream I had last night. All I remember is being in a forest, sunlight streaming in overhead through the trees. It's very pretty, but there's no sound, so weird. I don't make any noise when I step on twigs or anything. Don't know why I just thought of that. Later. Janine has just left. She bought me a whole heap of magazines, and has also told all my lecturers about what happened so I'm excused from classes but I still have course work to do, so in a couple of days when I feel ready I'll get on with it. I asked her about Karen. "I caught up with her just," Janine said. "She said she's been worried about you. She's been sending you text messages and you haven't replied." I glanced over at my desk, at my phone. Janine picked it up and smiled. She showed me the display which was blank. "Shit," I said, feeling guilty. The battery was dead and I hadn't thought to charge it up. Janine plugged it in and handed the phone to me. She sat on my bed while I accessed my messages. It beeped 8 times, they were all from Karen! I sent her a quick text telling her my phone was dead and I only just got her messages. Janine thought it was very funny until she saw just how upset I was. She told me she'd figure out a way to get Karen to see me, get Mum and Dad to go out or something. I felt a bit better about that. I felt better having Janine chat with me, like I wasn't a prisoner and confined to my cell, I mean room. Friday April 15 Weird dream last night. Very weird. Maybe it's the painkillers or something. I was in a forest at first, it was really quiet, like someone had muted the volume because I couldn't hear any sounds of birds or wind in the trees. I walked through the trees, me feet making no sounds on the leaves and twigs. It was sunny and very peaceful. In a clearing was a woman kneeling on the floor, head slumped forwards, she seemed to be asleep at first. Then I noticed a man in a red checked shirt shaking his head. At her or something else? He turned and walked away and vanished. Then the woman lifted her head and gazed at the sky overhead. She seemed to stop like she was a puppet. I walked forward a little and then I saw a chrome operating table in front of her. On it was someone covered in a sheet, a dead body I thought. Then the sheet moved and slid to the ground. It was two people under the sheet, I couldn't see the girl on the bottom but I recognised the guy on top, it was Spencer, the guy I had been out with but never did anything with. We had a good laugh together but I had never told Karen about it. He was just laying right there on top of the girl, they both wore those long gowns they force you to wear in hospital and it just looked like they had both died and been placed on the same trolley to save space. I glanced at the women who was still frozen in place and when I looked back at the trolley they dead people were naked and making love. In the missionary position Spencer was holding the girls legs up and sliding himself in and out of her fanny. That was the extent of their movement, like robot style, no expression on their faces or anything, and still no sound. It was so bizarre to watch their pale ghostly white bodies moving in an endless loop. I crept forward and glanced back at the woman. No one seemed aware of my presence yet. She was quite a chunky woman but not really mega fat, just slightly overweight, about 40, long deep brown hair, no make up yet quite pretty. She wore a pale blue bath robe, open and limp as if she had just got out of the shower maybe. She looked familiar to me but I couldn't figure out why. When I looked back at the trolley Spencer was gone and the sheet was back covering it. I stepped over to it slowly, for some reason I didn't want to disturb the motionless woman staring at the sky. At the trolley I realised there was no only one person under the sheet, and for some reason I knew it was the girl, not Spencer. I was trembling but know I had to find out who it was. It was so creepy. I slowly pulled back the sheet then decided to whip it off really fast like I would a plaster on a cut. The shock hit me. I know I screamed very loud because I could feel my throat as the roar escaped my lungs. But it was silent. I had stared down at the body on the trolley, naked and pale, and then horror whacked me hard as I looked at my own white lifeless face on the trolley, my body numb from the shock. Spencer and I had obviously died and for a few seconds had been sort of reanimated so we could make love. I turned my face away from the sight of my pale dead other self and was startled to see the woman frozen in a silent scream of her own. She was still staring at the sky, but her face was screwed up in a look of fear and anguish, her mouth wide open as if stopped in mid scream. I stepped away from her and my other self, fear hitting me as if collapsing in on me like an avalanche. I turned and ran through the forest even though I didn't know which way to go. I just ran. Then I woke up. I was shivering. My skin was wet. I'd be sweating loads during the night. I lay there very still for a while, the dream still so fresh in my head. That was a few hours ago and I can still remember every detail. It's so weird, I haven't had a dream like that for ages, not so deep and vivid. It must be to do with these painkillers and the trauma of my break. As a rule I don't usually talk about my dreams or even write them down, mainly because by the time I write in my diary at night in bed I've forgotten the dream I had the previous night. But since all I can do is lay here I have lots of time to write about anything. So after my struggle to the bathroom, which is getting easier by the way, and having something to eat, I just decided to write my dream down. What is weird is that I had a dream the night before I think, about a quiet forest. No word from Karen yet about coming to see me. She sent me another text though which made me smile: JANINE&ME TRY TO WORK SUMFIN OUT2GET RID OF YOR MUM.C YA SOON. X I hope she can come soon. Dad is at work in the day and Mum is home still fussing over me, too much sometimes, but it's nice that she is here to help. I just need her to go out for an afternoon or something so I can see Karen Later Oh god. Bathtime has just been and gone. Phew. The ordeal is over. I was lucky enough to have Janine help me and not Mum, not that I call either lucky! Mum came and helped me hobble to the bathroom then I spotted Janine in her bedroom and gave a deep look of help and she jumped off her bed. "I'll help her in and out, Mum," Janine said quickly. "Don't worry about dear, it's all under control." I stared at Janine and she quickly said: "But isn't 24 on tv now? Mum, really, I don't mind helping out my own sister!" "Just be gentle," Mum said and let Janine support my weight before heading downstairs. "Thank God for that," I said. "Come on," Janine said helping me into the bathroom. "Let's get this sorted out so you can stop stinking so bad." "I do not stink!" "Maybe the broken leg has affected your ability to smell too," said Janine with a sly smile on her face. "Even the dog won't come near you at the moment and he sniffs his own crap!" We both burst out laughing only to receive a telling off for fooling around and not taking better care otherwise I would end up with worse than a broken leg. I sat on the toilet, glad now that such a small thing no longer caused me any pain. The only problem was to get in and out of the bath without falling and breaking something else. I glanced at Janine who was sorting out a couple of towels closer to me so I wouldn't have to struggle to get them. I wasn't sure if she was going to stay and wait or if she would grant me the privacy Mum hadn't. "What are you waiting for?" Janine asked when she turned around. I stared at her as if struck dumb. "Are you...?" "Oh man, just get on with it slow coach!" Janine snapped with a smile. "We don't have all day do we? Strip!" She sat on the chair next to the shower. Well at least that answered my question. I admit to feeling more than a little awkward taking off my clothes in front of my sister. How stupid am I? After what we've done together you'd think I could at least feel more relaxed in that situation wouldn't you? I wasn't relaxed. Nervous is a way better word. Shy is a good word too. I dropped my t-shirt on the floor and Janine helped me free up my one legged slacks. Then I sort of stood there like a statue, what was I going to do next? Is she leaving now? Do I just whip off my underwear and...then what? "So do you always bathe in your underwear?" Janine asked me. She saw my reaction and smiled. "Oh come on, it's not like I've never seen you naked you know!" "I know that," I said blushing deeply. "But that was different..." "It sure was," Janine replied. What did she mean by that? "Seriously, it's no big deal, I'm not going to try anything, honest. We need to take a bath and I'm just helping out my kid sister. It's not illegal you know." "Okay, sorry." I unclipped my bra and dropped in on my clothes. I still felt foolish and silly but I continued but only managed to drag my knickers down my thighs, my cast stopped my from bending down any further. Janine noticed and bent down right in front of me, pulling my knickers down my legs and over my cast. I bet any money in the world she had a good look at my body while she was up close. I'm not being big headed here, I just reckon she had a good peek while she did. I think that would only be human nature. I sat on a small plastic chair in the bath, my leg resting on the edge at a weird angle. I felt a bit prone to start with, not being covered by the water. I would have been happy to chat with Janine if my body was covered in water and bubbles but it felt like I was on show or something. I sighed and realised I didn't have a choice so I started soaping my body. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 06 Janine returned to her chair and started filing her nails. She wasn't in a great hurry to get back to whatever she was doing before, more than happy it seemed to be with me as I bathed. I couldn't figure out what her plan was, but I was sure she had one. Perhaps she wanted to see if I was up for a bit of fun, like our experience that night on holiday. Would she really want to do that again with me? Would I do it again with her? Could I? What happened in the closet game was a big shock to me. I got over it, I think. Well sometimes if I think about it too much it still makes me feel ill. But what happened on holiday was different, Janine and I shared something special, a one off thing. It was a uniquely emotional thing, deeply arousing both physically and mentally. If I wanted to boil it down to the hard facts I would say that I had an incestuous incident with my own sister, but it didn't feel wrong at the time and still doesn't. I feel quite strongly about it happening again. I don't know why, it's hard to say, I think maybe because our emotions were at such a high level that night and even though it sounds clichéd to say it I think our souls touched. God that sounds so corny but that's what it felt like and how I remember it. So, the big question for me at the time was what was her plan? "I'm bored, Haley, you going to be long?" Janine asked me. "Well it's not easy you know," I said, trying to reach my own feet. "I have a broken leg if you hadn't noticed. And you're not making it any easier just sat there." Janine stared at me for a moment. "Well you better hurry up. There are others in the house who need to use the bath too." "Then they'll have to wait," I said, feeling slightly angry. "Unless they want to hop in here with me and believe me that's not happening!" Janine glanced over at the bath. I wasn't actually taking up much room and we both must have realised that another person could have easily sat in the bath at the other end. Before I could say anything Janine was removing her clothes in double quick time. "Oh come on," I protested. "I was only joking. Janine! You can't be serious!" Her first foot hit the water with a splash, she adjusted herself then put the other in and slid into the water. "See? Piece of cake. Bet you anything I'm finished before you." She joked and then rolled her eyes when she saw my pained expressed. "Sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to be nasty. I'm just in a funny mood that's all." "It's okay," I said. I was making an effort now to cover myself in bubbles as if to hide my body. "Let's just get going and get out as soon as we can." I had reason to be embarrassed then. Before all Janine could see of me was my legs and upper body sticking up out of the bath. Now she was actually laying in the bath, her feet stretched out under the chair I was sat on, right under my bottom. With my one leg resting on the edge of the bath and the other spread out on the opposite side of Janine, she now had a good clear view of my body. She made an effort to wash herself although I noticed her glancing at me now and then. I just got on with making sure I was clean, and that I didn't splash too much on my cast. I was going to leave my hair for another time. I hadn't had a bath with my sister since I was about 10. I vaguely remember a discussion with my mother about wanting to grow up like my sister. Janine had just started to develop, tiny buds on her chest where mine was flat. Mum assured me I would catch up with my sister sooner than I thought, she wasn't wrong either. Aside from the fact that she is a bit taller than me we don't really look much different in age now. I'm happy with my body, I'm not fat, not skinny, just right. I bet not many people can say that, and I suppose at some point in the future I'll wish I had a smaller bottom or whatever. "Karen is coming to see you tomorrow," Janine said suddenly. I stopped and stared at her. "Don't stare, it's rude!" "When did you find out? What about..." "Don't panic," Janine said cutting me off. She began soaping her breasts, knowing full well I was watching her. "Dad is playing golf all day and Mum is going shopping with her friends. I'm at work until lunch and here after in case you needed anything." "What time?" I asked suddenly excited. "She hasn't sent me a text." "About 10 tomorrow morning," Janine replied. I'm not one to pry into anyone else's washing habits but she was really making sure her breasts were clean. "Told her I would leave the door key under the pot outside for her to get in." My mind was awash with thoughts of Karen. I hadn't seen in what felt like ages. I just wanted her to hold me, I don't mind admitting that I miss her terribly and feel lonely without her. I didn't know what Karen had planned, although in my condition I think rampant sex is out of the question. I couldn't wait, still can't to be honest. I'm laying on my bed now and can't think of anything else other than seeing Karen. The bath thing was weird, I couldn't figure out why Janine got in the bath with me other than it being a sexual thing for her. She wasn't in a rush to go out anywhere. It's been an hour since we got out and she's still in her bedroom. Janine spent a long time washing her body, more than I thought really necessary, in fact I had finished and rinsed away the bubbles before she stopped soaping up her body. Was she showing herself to me? Offering herself to me sexually? Why would she do that? Anyway, here I am waiting. Always waiting. I can hear the TV downstairs and Janine's music coming from her bedroom. It's so boring being here. Saturday April 16 It's 9am right now. I've been awake since about 7. I managed to get to the bathroom on my own, bloody crutches are painful under the arms, never tell you that at the hospital do they? And now I'm laying on my bed waiting. I feel very excited, it's like Christmas or something!! Mum has been in, brought me some breakfast, then told me off for taking myself to the bathroom without help. Short argument there but I insisted I couldn't keep having loads of help. She gave in and said I still wasn't to do anything I wasn't capable of. Mothers! Janine is already at work. Mum has just left and Dad must have left at dawn to play golf. All I can do is sit and wait. Waiting. Waiting. So bored. Later Karen has gone. It's 3.30pm now. It was great to see her after what feels like forever. She got here about 9.40 and was shocked to see my laying on my bed, she looked very upset and started to cry. I found this a bit amusing at first, it really isn't that bad, well it is and it isn't. I can complain because it's my leg that's broken but no one should be able to! Karen sat on my bed, her face a filled with worry. She said she was sorry not to come around any sooner but it's really hard when people aren't supposed to know about us. Then she burst into tears and gave me a long hug. I was crying at this point, but now I can't figure out why. Just emotions I guess. I must say that this is my first sexy injury! After our hug Karen and I wiped away our tears and at long last we kissed. It felt like heaven to feel her soft lips on mine. The smell of her perfume and her body pressed against me was delightful, does that sound weird? Oh well. Sometimes I wonder if our secret relationship is just based on our sexual attraction to each other. Even now I lie on my bed and wonder if this really is just a phase, one of those experimental things many girls do. Magazines and Agony Aunts seem inundated with questions from girls like me who fancy their mates or have slept with them and are worried they're now lesbians. And the answer is always the same: It's just phase, experimentation. Well I can easily say that I have been exploring my bisexuality for a little while now and am having fun doing it. I try not to be blind to the fact that it could end at some point or one of us may find some guy to be with. Face it when it comes. Karen chatted about college and work and we laughed as she told me some gossip. Then I told her about Janine and me in the bath rub together. "She was naked?" Karen asked, obviously shocked. "Yep," I said. "Totally naked." "So she just stripped off and joined you? No questions asked?" "Yep." I nodded sharing Karen's feelings of weirdness. "That was before she made sure I was undressed and in the tub first. Oh and after watching me for a little while." "Weird." Karen frowned. "Do you think she wants to do it with you again?" "Looks like it doesn't it?" I said. Karen nodded. "You know that night with Janine was a one off thing don't you?" "Sure." Karen waved her hand dismissively. "That was something special between you and your sister. You were intimate in a unique way." "Are you sure you're not mad or upset about it?" I asked her. Karen and I had had a long talk about Janine and I making love on our last night on holiday. Karen was surprised but never once said she was mad or upset about it. Since then we have talked about it a few times, how it was a beautiful thing that happened between two sisters. But now Karen was as shocked as me at Janine's promiscuous nature. "Honestly, I'm not upset," Karen said with a smile that told me she wasn't lying. "But Janine getting in the bath with you, that's very odd." "I know," I said. "And she spent ages washing her body. It looked like she was showing herself to me, as if she was getting off on exhibiting herself." "She didn't finger herself did she?" Karen asked. "Nope. Came close I reckon. She did masturbate a little, touching her breasts and playing with her nipps, but she could've just said she was washing." "Bet she'll try it on with you," said Karen with a sigh. "God, I hope not," I said. "I've no idea how she'd take it if I told her we weren't going to go there again." Karen stared out of the window for a moment then faced me. "So, Miss Injury 2005, is everything still in working order?" I laughed. It felt good. "Yes," I said demurely. "Nothing wrong in that area." "I bet you haven't even had a play since your fall have you?" I shook my head. I could feel myself getting aroused just by the way the conversation was going. Karen and I do spend a lot of time talking and are very close but the sexual side of our relationship has always been very hot. "Oh, poor you," Karen replied. She stood up and removed her t-shirt. "So I guess you're in need of some relief then?" I nodded. "What did you have in mind?" "I didn't bring you any grapes," Karen said, running her hands down her body. They disappeared behind her back. "So I guess you'll just have to suck on these for a while." She unclipped her bra and threw it on the bed then cupped her breasts gently, looking at me with a wicked smile on her face. She arched her back and teased her stiff pink nipples for a moment before facing me. She climbed onto the bed, careful not to move my leg, she crawled up to me and rested her left breast just above my face. I reached out with my tongue to lick it but she pulled it away. "Don't tease!" I said in mock annoyance. She giggled and lowered it down onto my waiting tongue. I licked it hungrily into my mouth, sucking it quickly between my lips, tasting the sweet scent of her skin in my mouth. It was so heavenly. I brought my hands up to hold and caress her breasts as I switched my mouth from one nipple to the other. Karen writhed above me sighing and obviously enjoying the serious attention I was paying her. She pulled away and moved down to kiss me. Her tongue was fast and hot in my mouth and I could feel myself getting wet between my legs. Not for the first time I wished my cast would just go away. I wanted to wrap my legs around her, pull her close to me and hold her there. I felt Karen's hands on me, roaming down my body, making me squirm with anticipation. Then she sat up, kneeling between my legs. "I need to lose some clothes," she told me. She left the bed and pulled off her jeans and knickers and stood in the centre of my bedroom naked. "Much better don't you think?" "Much," I agreed. My eyes wondered over her body. "Wish I could strip of as quick as that." Karen looked thoughtful for a moment. "I'll give you a hand," she said. It took some effort to pull my one legged trousers down over my cast and my knickers got tangled up, not very sexy moves I admit. I was able to tug my t-shirt off on my own and I wasn't wearing a bra anyway, no need really since I wasn't exactly going out anywhere. I lay on my bed (where else?) naked except for my cast and Karen sat at the opposite end. It looked as if she was working something out, trying to make her mind up about her next move. I was itching to get her hands on my body, I was almost bursting. "Okay, I think I got it sussed." She bit her lip and tilted her head a little the looked me in the eye. "Remember our first time?" I wasn't expecting that question. "Yes," I said wondering where she was going with this. "In your sisters bedroom?" she asked. I nodded slowly. "The first time we saw each others bodies? You know what we did?" "Yes," I said, my voice was hoarse. The memory of that eventful time flooded back to me. My cheeks burned suddenly as the embarrassment came back like it had when I took of my clothes and sat on my sisters bed. Karen leaned back against the end of the bed. She bent her knees and lifted her feet up over my legs giving me a good view of her glistening fanny. Her hands gripped her breasts tightly, she pinched her nipples then moved one hand down between her legs. "Play with yourself," she said. All at once I realised what she meant. We were going to pretend it was our first time again, well kind of. I don't know why but I felt embarrassed and shy all over again. I felt awkward and not sure if I could do what she suggested. God knows why I felt like that, it's not as if we're strangers and it wasn't our first time. I moved my hand down to my fanny and gently massaged my lips. Karen was watching my every move as she began to rub her clit in slow strokes. What was wrong with me? Even now I can't figure out why I felt so weird. Maybe it was because I felt vulnerable, unable to move. I was doing something usually reserved for my private moments, but that shouldn't matter where Karen is concerned. "That's it Haley," Karen said. "Enjoy it." "I am," I managed to say. I could feel my fanny tingle from my fingers. I watched Karen slide a finger inside herself. I parted my fanny lips, brushing my fingers tips across the entrance to my vagina, my breathing becoming laboured. Slowly I eased a finger inside me, enjoying the sensation of being watched as I masturbated. "You look so sexy," Karen said in a husky voice. "I love watching you finger yourself, it's so hot." I groaned and slid a second finger alongside the first. "I'm doing it for you," I replied. "Going to make myself cum for you." "Oh yes! Do that for me," Karen said. Her fingers we sliding in and out of her fanny faster now. "I want us to climax together...yes..." I had barely touched my body and already I could feel an orgasm racing toward the finish line. Karen and I watched each other finger and rub our fannies, copying each others actions. I would finger fuck myself and she would too, then she'd rub her clit and I'd copy her, matching her speed. "Karen I'm going to cum...are you close?" I asked her. "Uh-uh...so close..." she replied, her eyes were hooded, staring at me. Her back was arched and I knew she was close. "Oh God...yes...I'm...yes...Karen I'm...urrgghh..." My body shook as my orgasm took over. Karens body trembled and she cried out, her fingers a blue as she furiously rubbed her clit. Her legs tensed against mine. "Yeah! Oh...oh....i'm cumming....shit....Haley....ahhhhh..." For a few moments I was floating. I've not been high on drugs, okay I have had a toke on a few joints but I've never really been into that whole thing, but this felt like I was high. We lay there for a while in silence, looking into each others eyes from opposite ends of the bed. Our breathing was ragged but calming down. My shyness had gone, thank God, and now I felt calm and blessed out. Karen moved and lay along side me, put her arm around me and rested my head on her breasts. We lay like that for ages, not speaking, just enjoying our post orgasmic state. We didn't need to talk or say anything, just enjoyed being close to each other. I may have drifted off to sleep for a while because I realised Karen had gone. I panicked, wondering if Mum had come home and had dashed off. I looked for my clothes, they were on the floor and I had no way to get to them. I glanced around for something to cover myself up with. I think Mum would be more than surprised to return home and find me stretched out naked on my bed. When the figure appeared in the doorway I gasped and froze. I let out a temporary sigh of relief when my brain told me it was only Janine. "Too hot for clothes is it?" she asked. "We were...I was trying to...can you pass them up please?" Janine stood in the doorway leaning against the frame, arms folded. After what I thought was a moment too long she walked over and picked them up. She folded them. "Good job Mum didn't catch you." "Well she didn't," I said sternly. I held out my hands for the clothes, already feeling the unwelcome weight of Janine's gaze on body. "Come on. Hand them over." Janine stayed put. "You know you have a..." "Have a what?" Janine turned to see Karen in the doorway. Karen had a plate of sandwiches in one hand and a tall glass of Pepsi in the other. I was shocked to see that she hadn't dressed before going down to the kitchen. I had to give her credit, it took some guts to wonder around someone else's house naked with the chance of being caught. "Oh hi Karen," Janine said guiltily. "How's things?" "Good thanks," Karen replied. Did I detect a hint of annoyance in Karen's voice? "How're you doing?" "Fine." Said Janine. "Cool," Karen said. She walked past Janine and sat on the bed, placing the plate between my feet. She acted like everything was perfectly normal by handing me a sandwich and taking one for herself. "That's good ham," she said as if we were in a café somewhere commenting on the food. Janine stood there as if rooted to the spot. "So what was it?" Karen asked her. "You said: 'You have a...' but never finished. Don't you just hate that?" "Yeah," Janine replied quietly. "I was just saying that Haley has got some mail downstairs, a package was delivered while I was out." "Could you bring it up for me please?" I asked her. Janine nodded and stayed put. "Thanks," Karen said. What she was actually saying was: "Time for you to leave now I think." But the one word was enough. Janine backed out of the room and closed the door. I looked at Karen who smiled at me then shook her head. "She wants you," she told me, her voice lowered. "Don't say that," I said. "I don't think she realised I was still here." Karen took another bite of her sandwich. "She could have tried it on with you right then." "I can't do that," I replied. "You know I can't. What am I supposed to do? What do I say to her? If she gets really mad she could tell Mum and Dad about us." "She wouldn't," Karen said confidently. "If she was really angry she might," I said. "I grew up with her you know. I know what she's like. Just because we're closer now it doesn't mean she hasn't lost her nasty streak." Karen thought for a moment. "Then we'll need some dirt on her too, just in case." This was starting to get very complicated. I didn't want to start a fight or get dirt on my own sister, that didn't seem like the best way to sort things out. "I can't do that," I said. "I'll just have to talk to her." Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 06 "Well anything's worth a try," Karen said with a nonchalant shrug. She glanced at the clock next to my bed. "I've got to make a move before your Mum gets back." I whined and put my sandwich back on the plate. "Don't worry," Karen said with a smile. She leaned down and kissed me gently. "I can come see you in the week when everyone is out." I brightened up at that. If I was going to be stuck home I might as well enjoy it. Karen helped me into my clothes, carefully pulling my one legged trousers back up over my cast. She dressed and opened the door then bent down and picked up the shoe box sized parcel waiting outside. "Janine knows what privacy is sometimes," Karen said and brought the package over to me. "I'm not expecting anything," I said, trying to work out what was inside. "Keep that hidden until later," Karen told me. "Don't let anyone see it." She kissed me again then picked up her bag. "I best get going." She blew me a kiss from the door way then left. I heard the front door shut and ran through what she had just said. Why should I keep it hidden? What did she know about my parcel? Right now I'm still desperate to find out what's inside but am waiting till everyone has gone to bed. I've hid the parcel under my bed. Janine asked what it was when she came in a while later to bring me a drink. I lied and said it was ink cartridges and paper for my computer. I got them off the internet cheap. The only way Karen could say what she did was that she had sent the parcel herself. But why couldn't she just give it to me, whatever it is? Why do I have to keep it a secret? I do like secrets but only when I know what they are!! I'll have to wait. So annoying! I'm venturing downstairs in a bit to join everyone for dinner. That'll be fun...not. Can't wait to see what's in the parcel. ---------------------- Note: Okay, that's my first bit of my summer 2005 diary. It looks like I'm going to be writing for ever at this rate! I have enjoyed reading everyone's emails and want to say a big thank you to everyone who has been kind enough to send me their thoughts and comments. I am rushing to get more of my 2005 summer diary copied onto the computer right now. Hopefully the next one won't be so long in coming! Haley. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 07 Note: I've tried to include as much as I can from my Holiday Diary but have slimmed it down a lot so not to bore anyone to tears! I'm trying to write everything up from my handwritten scribbles as fast as I can now before I become a pensioner!! For anyone who has read my other diaries you'll know I do leave out the really boring stuff, no one wants to know what I ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday! Anyway, there's lots to tell so I'll get right to it. ---------------------- Sunday April 17 I can't believe I am writing in my diary at 2am! I must be mad! I'm not sleeping very well being propped up in bed. I wish I had never broken my leg, wish it had happened to someone else. I know that sounds selfish but I hate it. I never realised how much I take my mobility for granted before. I've waited until everyone is in bed and asleep. Sometimes in this house that can be quite late. Everyone knows their Mum and Dad must still have sex, it's not exactly something I like to dwell on or even picture, but they still do it which proves they're still very close and love one another. I would rather they weren't so loud sometimes! Maybe they figure they can be a bit noisy since their two daughters are now grown up enough to deal with it, but even so it's still a weird sound coming from their bedroom! Anyway, Karen told me not to open the parcel until I was alone. So for the last few hours I have been laying her trying to figure out what she was talking about. The only thing I can come up with is that she sent the parcel herself. But what is it?? Well there's only one way to find out, right? I'm going to open it now. Monday April 18 I think Karen is a dirty cow! She's kinkier than I thought. I opened the parcel last night and could not believe my eyes one bit. The...things inside were...Jesus! You know how you get tongue tied sometimes? Well I never thought my hands would be like that! I can't seem to find the right words to get them on the paper! I was very quiet when I opened it, the tiny noises of paper tearing felt like a million decibels but they obviously weren't loud enough to wake anyone and it was just my over sensitive mind. Inside were a collection of, how do I put this, adult toys is probably the best way. I must be the most naïve girl in the world because I had never even seen a vibrator until I opened the parcel! What the hell was Karen thinking? Well obviously I know what she was thinking but my parents could have easily intercepted that parcel or wanted to know what was inside! I wasn't actually that angry with her, not when I realised what Karen's intentions were. I had the toys over my bed, holding each one in my hand like it was a precious artefact or something! There were 3 of them in total and I didn't know where to start! Jesus! I'm not this kinky am I? Does Karen really think I want or need any of this stuff? I'm not adverse to trying out new stuff but this is beyond anything I had considered! So I should really say what was there. Okay, this all feels very weird but here goes. First of all there's a tiny vibrator called the Lady Finger, it's not very big really, 4 inches or so, very smooth and it claims to be "your personal friend that goes anywhere with you" how nice. The second one was called the Soft Touch Vibrating Dong! God! It's supposed to look like a real penis, and I guess it does look kind of realistic. That's bigger though, 6 inches and floppy yet rigid. Don't worry, I haven't tried any of them out yet! The third toy was called the Pretty Pink Double Dong! What a name! It's different to the others as it's got a head at each end, I frowned when I saw it thinking for a split moment that it was a manufactured mistake, then I blushed when I realised it's meant to be used by two women, one end inside each person. Oh my God!!! Aside from that shocking selection there were 2 sets of handcuffs which were very cute with pink fur all around them. Cute yet still bizarre enough to shock me! The last thing was 2 bottles of erotic massage oil, one cherry flavour and one melon! Can you believe that! Scented massage oils! The closest thing to oil I have put on my body is bath lotion! I sat and stared at the assortment of hedonistic toys. I was shocked to say the least! Okay I admit that I was a little turned on at the thought of playing with some of them especially with Karen, but I just didn't know what to think. I could already picture my embarrassment when I next saw Karen. And to make it even weirder there was a small catalogue at the bottom from Bedroom Pleasures website. I was aghast! That's a very good word to describe my feelings, it fits perfectly. If anyone had taken a photo of me right then they would have captured my mouth open in total astonishment!!! I put them all away and hid them under my bed and hidden under an old sleeping bag which I hope no one needs anytime soon until I can hide them away more securely. I'm laying in my bed, yet again, and even now I am still shocked! I had a text from Karen which said simply: HAVE U LOOKD? WAT DO U THINK? For ages I didn't quite know what to say. What sort of response should I give her? "Can't wait to get dirty with you?" or how about: "I've tried em all out, all night!" So I just opted for: WOW! WOT A SURPRISE! CANT W8 2CU! I think that was probably the best response really. I can handle Karen coming around when the house is empty so we can spend some time together but I keep having this horrible image in my mind. I'm on my hands and knees on my bed and Karen is shoving one of those vibrators into my fanny from behind. I guess it probably is great fun, don't get me wrong, but this erotic sexually charged image is tarnished by the sudden appearance of my mother who opens my bedroom door, to find out what all the groaning is about, only to find Karen humping a rubber dong in out and out of her daughters fanny! I'm not sure that's the best way to tell my Mum that I'm in a lesbian relationship! I need some time to think about all this. I am excited. Yes. I truly am. But I'm worried my parents are going to find out sooner than I want. I'll have to talk to Karen about it. Wednesday April 20 I'm a bit worried now. I had another weird dream last night and it was almost identical to the bizarre one I had about the forest. I'm not usually spooked by dreams or believe any of the mumbo jumbo about them supposed to be representative of your life and desires and so on, BUT this is getting weird! It's the same scene as before. I'm stood in a lush green forest, sunlight beaming down through the trees like a million torches shining through fog. Again there's no sound. I can see birds flying between branches but they make no sound, or at least none that I can hear. I remember I've been here before and I know that sounds crazy to remember a previous dream in a current dream, but I do. With nothing better to do I decide to start walking, my feet make no sounds on the ground either, twigs snap and break but it's like someone has muted the scene around me. As I walk through the tress I know I'm going to arrive at the same clearing as before, although this time it seems to take longer to get there. It's not quite the same though, I can't point out lots of detail but it just feels slightly different. I see the figure of the woman on her knees. Just like before she is frozen and staring at the small patch of sky over head. She wore the exact same pale blue bath robe; open at the front exposing part of her body; her cleavage, stomach and triangular thatch of dark pubic hair between her smooth chunky thighs. I take a close look at her this time, I see thin silver stretch marks on her slightly bulging stomach. Her face is older some how, as if she has aged a couple of years since I was last in this strange place, although still in her forties. She doesn't see me, doesn't seem to see anything even though her eyes are wide open, staring. She looks peaceful though this time around, serene and calm as if reflecting the stillness of the forest. I remember seeing myself on the hospital trolley last time and turn to scan the area for it. Nothing. Just this woman on her own. I'm about to ask her something (but I already know she probably won't hear me) when her head shifts. I jump back quickly, startled by the sudden movement. She stares straight ahead as if looking at something new so I turn to follow her gaze and I jump with fright again. Two hospital trolleys' are in front of her, again covered with huge white sheets. I already know there are bodies underneath but whose? I calm down a little. After maybe half a minute I realise nothing else is going to happen and I feel more at ease, well as calm as I can given the weird situation. Why can't my subconscious give me a dream about tropical islands or something instead of this weird shit? I decide the way forward is to see what is under the sheets. It seems the dream wants me to do that next. Yes, I know that sounds weird, dreams don't want anything, they just are. I approached the right hand trolley cautiously, preparing myself for another surprise. I slowly pull back the sheet, not really wanting to see what is under it, and my actions are moving on their own now. The sheet reveals a naked sleeping girl, her head is furthest away from me so I step forward feeling brave. Even though I am prepared I still gasp when I see my own face. My still self is laying on its right side, one hand tucked under its head, eyes closed as if in deep sleep. The skin is white, very white, dead looking skin. Nothing happens for a moment, so I pull the sheet completely away and it floats to the ground. I turn my attention to the other trolley, now entering the true unknown. In my other dream there was only one trolley. This one has an odd shape under it, not like a stretched out person at all, but bits sticking up in the middle and side. I pull the sheet away very slowly, just enough to see the face at the other end. After tilting my head I recognise the face. It's Janine. Her features are screwed up tight, her mouth is open. To me it looks like she died a horrible agonising death and was frozen instantly, not that I wish my sister dead in any way but that's the impression I got. In a flash of bravery I yank the sheet clean away. Janine is also naked and lying on her left side, her right foot is up close to her bottom, her knee jerked toward the sky and I realised that is what made the weird bump under the sheet. Her left leg is also bent and her bottom is raised above the flat steel trolley bed a little way. Her left hand is squeezing her left breast hard, and her right hand is between her thighs. I walk forward a couple of steps to see what she's doing with it, even though I have a pretty good idea. Her right hand has a small white vibrator...my brand new vibrator...inserted into her fanny. I realise with embarrassment what she is doing. Janine's back is arched, her head thrown back and wearing an expression of ecstasy not agony. Her entire body has been frozen in the throes of mid orgasm. What the hell kind of sick subconscious do I have? Then I see the situation for what it is. Even though my other self is asleep Janine is openly masturbating for me, as if she can't actually be physical with me she is doing the next best thing. The scene flickers as if someone has pressed the frame forward button on a remote control. My other self has her eyes open now, staring at Janine. And Janine has a huge grin on her face, recognition that my still self has seen her in a most intimate act. I gasp, step backward and almost bump into the woman knelt on the floor. I'm starting to lose it now, I can feel my fear begin to bubble. The woman has changed again. Her robe has been knocked off her shoulders exposing her large meaty breasts. I gaze at her for a moment, wondering why she looks so familiar to me. She has a rounded body, not fat by any means, just slightly plump. But it's not her body that now hold my attention it's what she's doing that makes me jump. Her left hand is cupping her left breast as if offering her nipple up to some invisible person. She remains perfectly still, apart from her right hand. This is held out in front of her and moves quickly, her fingers flipping a coin into the air and catching it without ever following it with her eyes. She catches it and immediately flips it again. Over and over as if stuck in a loop. I step away, confused and bewildered. Why can't I figure out why she looks so familiar to me? What the hell am I dreaming about this sort of stuff for? I stare back and forth between the woman, Janine and my other self, as if trying to work out some peculiar sexual puzzle. That was when I woke up about an hour ago. It's nearly 6am now and I had to write down that dream because it was so totally bonkers! Like I said before, I don't write my dreams down as a rule as I have often forget them when I write in my diary the next night. But my semi-incapacitation gives me the chance to write it all down. I'm pretty certain none of these dreams means a damn thing, how can they? I have read a couple of dream books, some say dreams are just our unconscious working out problems and stuff, others think our dreams can tell the future. I can't say I believe that second one much, sounds like myth and magic to me. But the first seems plausible I guess. Perhaps I am worried what Janine is up to, that she seems to want to intimate with me again and my unconscious is just playing it all out. If that's true then who the hell is the woman in the blue bathrobe? I'm going to the toilet. My hand is killing me. I think I'll ask Mum to get me a new pen today with a better grip. Later Janine is starting to get on my nerves a bit. I was willing to let the bath incident pass by as my over sensitive imagination, although she wasn't exactly in a hurry to hand my clothes over when Karen was here. Either way I was happy to give my sister the benefit of the doubt. How stupid am I? Today I caught up on my college work, I used my Dad's laptop. I was feeling a bit...well the English expression is "icky" but I'm not sure how anyone else would translate that. It means a multitude of things, sticky/mildly sweaty/not totally clean etc. I decided to take a bath, I figured I could do it on my own this time. I was feeling more mobile and steady on my crutches. Mum wouldn't be back for ages so at least she wasn't around to argue with me about doing it all for myself when I could have some help. It wasn't all that difficult, I just sat on the edge of the bath, dropped my clothes on the floor and slid on to the seat. I propped my leg on the side of the bath and had a good wash. It was very peaceful and relaxing. I heard the front door close and Janine call out. I shouted down that I was in the bath and I heard her reply saying something about work being horrible. It wasn't until I was rinsing the shampoo out of my hair that I sensed someone was watching me. I poured a jug of water over my head and wiped my eyes. I jumped when I spotted Janine sat on the toilet a few feet away. Her jeans were on the floor around her ankles, it's not the sort of sight I wanted to see right then. "Oh hi," I said. "Didn't hear you come in." "You're getting about better then I see," Janine said. "Yeah, it's not that hard," I replied and added. "What's wrong with the downstairs loo?" "No toilet paper," Janine said with a shrug. "Anyway I thought I'd just say hi. You must be bored out of your mind stuck in all day." I flicked my hair back and applied some conditioner. "It's a bit boring but I got some college work done." "No Karen today?" she asked. "No. Just texts." I closed my eyes to avoid seeing her staring at me. "Oh. Want me to shave you?" "What!" "Your legs," Janine said quickly. "I thought you might not be able to reach." "No. I'm fine thanks," I said with a sigh of relief and went back to rinsing my hair through. I heard her move about then the toilet flushed. I poured more water over my hair and wringed it out. As I wiped water out of my eyes I noticed Janine was still in the bathroom. No longer on the toilet, she had stepped out of her jeans and kickers and was now stood in front of the mirror inspecting her face. Normally I wouldn't mind so much but she was now naked from the waist down. What the hell was she doing? My sister was acting very weird. I wasn't staring at her as such but it was just so bloody odd that I couldn't help myself. After a few moments she turned her head and looked down at me. "What?" she asked with a frown. "Nothing," I said. "Just wondered what you were doing." "Just using the mirror," Janine replied. She turned to face me and I'm sorry to say that my eyes were drawn to the dark strip of pubic hair that was roughly on my eye level. "Is that okay?" she asked me. "What?" I said startled and looked up. I wasn't staring, honest, it's just I don't usually see my sisters pubes in this sort of situation. "Yeah, sure, whatever." Janine glanced down at herself. "Is anything wrong?" she asked me. "No," I replied quickly. "You just seem a bit uncomfortable." I shook my head. "I'm fine," I said now looking for a razor and not at Janine or anywhere near her. "Just fine. I can't find the razor that's all." "I have one in my room you can use," Janine offered. She left the bathroom and I breathed a sigh of relief. Seconds later she reappeared and handed me the razor. I went to work on my legs, patiently ignoring her presence until a few minutes later she turned her focus away from the mirror, put her hand on her hips and faced me yet again. "I think I'm going to get myself waxed," she said suddenly. "Oh right." Who cares, I thought. "You know, a bikini wax," she added a moment later. I risked a quick glance in her direction. Jesus, this time she was inspecting her pubes in the mirror with a questioning frown on her face. "Uh huh," I mumbled. "What do you think?" she asked and faced me again. "Sure, go for it," I said absently. "I mean all of it," she said. "Off. Bald. Smooth." This time I couldn't help but turn and look. Her dark brown pubic hair was short and shaped into a thick line. I didn't quite know what to say. I keep mine trimmed but in a triangle shape and although I do keep them neat and tidy I don't keep them as short at Janine. I turned away. "Why not?" I said. "Worth a try." "Yeah, that's what I thought." Janine left me alone then. I rinsed away the suds, dried off and went back to my room where I could be alone. I don't know what Janine is trying to achieve but it's very weird. She never used to do anything like this before our holiday and now she thinks it's okay to show her body off to me whenever she feels the need. Is she getting some sort of kick from her weird exhibitionism? Friday April 22 I've just had a weird chat with my mother. I'm now worried. Worried doesn't actually convey my feelings right now, how about "BLOODY SCARED!" yeah that fits way better. Oh God. I don't know what to do. I would have hoped that my the time I reached 20 I would be a confident young woman able to tackle any problem and deal with things. Yeah right, like that's ever happened. Okay Haley, start at the beginning, that's usually the best place. Right. I don't want to spend ages writing about this so here's the short version. Karen popped round earlier although not to see me, she wanted to pick up some DVD's from Janine. I heard them talking downstairs and then in my sisters bedroom. I heard some giggling and laughter much to my annoyance. I guess I am paranoid by nature, I naturally assume they might be laughing about me. I shouldn't think like that really but I can't help it. I know Karen wouldn't be talking about me behind my back so I should calm down. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 07 So Karen came to see me but said she didn't have time as she had to dash, her family were going out for a meal. She gave me a hug and sat on my bead. It was good to have her arms around me, and her lips were as soft as ever. I cried a bit when we stopped hugging. "What's wrong?" Karen asked, brushing hair out of my eyes. "Nothing," I said with a sniff. "Come on," she teased. "Don't keep secrets from me." I waited a second, running through the line in my head and knew it sounded very cheesy. "I miss you," I said quietly. Karen looked at me, waiting for me to make eye contact with her. "I know. I miss you to," she replied. "But there's nothing we can do about that right now." "I just wish I could spend more time with you," I said. "I don't want to be clingy or needy but..." I started to cry again. I couldn't help it. I did miss Karen. I wanted to spend time with her. When she arrived I felt so happy and elated and then I knew when she left a wave of sadness would wash over me and I'd feel so down. "I miss you too," Karen said softly. "I really do. I might look all cheery and happy and that but when I leave I feel rotten inside." "You do?" I asked her. Karen nodded. "I feel...empty." I was really crying now and what made it worse was when Karen hugged me tight and I could feel her body jump, I knew she was crying too. We must have looked like a right pair of fools crying and hugging each other. We parted and kissed gently, God I love her lips when they touch mine, so soft and tender. "So what do we do about it?" she asked. "I wish we could go away some place," I said. "Then we'd be together." For a moment it sounded like a stupid idea from a child. "Sorry," I said. "Sounds silly right?" "I think it's a great idea!" said Karen with a smile. "Where do you want to go?" My head was in a spin! Was she serious? "I don't know...are you...Really?" "Sure," she said. "It wouldn't be that hard to organise." "When my leg is better!" I said with a smile. Karen laughed and patted my cast. Now at this point I wasn't actually aware that my Mum had come home. According to Janine when I spoke to her later, Mum had dashed upstairs to use the toilet. Janine then tried to talk to her when she came out so she wouldn't see Karen and myself doing anything that would give us away. It didn't work. I don't know exactly what Mum saw, she might not have seen anything. It's not like we were doing anything other than talking. We kissed briefly yet full on. Karen left and bumped into Mum outside my bedroom. She paused to say she was just seeing how I was then said bye to Janine. Mum glanced in at me then headed downstairs. I was franticly trying to figure out what she saw. Janine came and told me she'd tried to stop Mum but she must have seen something. She told me to be more careful if I wanted to keep such a big secret. A little while later Mum brought me a drink, sat on my bed and asked me how my college work was doing, if I needed anything, usual stuff. I was mid way through telling her about a text book I needed for an assignment when Mum said something that stopped me dead. "You don't have to keep secrets from me." I stared at her, not sure what to say. Did she know? Was she guessing? How long had she known? I floundered to find the right words. "You know I love you no matter what," Mum said. "Is there anything you want to tell me?" "I don't think so," I said shaking my head. I must have looked very guilty. "Well...like what?" "It's hard to imagine but I was young once," said Mum with a smile. She placed her hand on mine. "I've done...things, kept secrets. Even from your father. I had a life before we found each other and...well university is a place for learning many different things." "Everyone has secrets, Mum," I told her. "I know dear but sometimes secrets get bottled up and they need to be let out," Mum said. She wasn't being nosey; I could see that, just concerned. "If you need to tell me anything at all I'll be here. I won't judge you." "Thanks Mum," I said. I felt bad now. I think she knew that I knew what she was talking about. I was so close to telling her about Karen but I couldn't. I promised Karen it would be a secret and unless I discussed it with her I was stuck. "I can't...it's not easy to...talk about." "Okay," she said and smiled warmly. "When the time is right, okay?" "Yes." "Good." She said. She stood up and headed for the door where she turned to look at me, a faint smile on her face. "I'm not just a mother you know. We all have multiple roes in life, more so as we grow up. I'm a mother and a wife, but I'm also a friend and a lover and a sister and more, do you know what I mean?" "I think so," I said with a frown. "Just remember that I haven't always been a mother, and even though I am now it doesn't mean that's all I am or have ever been." "Okay Mum," I said. This was all getting very deep. Mum was trying to tell me something and didn't seem to be able to find the right words. "Does any of that make sense?" she asked, now wearing her own frown. "Some," I said honestly. She looked concerned and anxious. "I will talk to you when I'm ready. I promise." Mum smiled with relief. "Okay then." She brightened up. "Chinese tonight all right with you?" "Sure is," I said realising I was very hungry. Mum turned to leave. "Thanks Mum," I said. Mum smiled and I almost felt like crying again. Even as I write this it looks like I'm an emotional wreck half the time and a sex starved maniac the other half. When I was a kid I never imagined life would turn out to be so weird. What the hell did she mean about having secrets from Dad? She really wanted to tell me something about her life before she met Dad, but what? I'm lucky enough to be able to go to college and live at home but I know what happens when people go to university. Some find it a liberating time in their lives, time to experiment sexually. Is that what she was trying to say? I think if I did tell her about me and Karen I would have to know what she experienced herself when she was younger just to satisfy my own curiosity. Maybe she was trying to say that she knew about me and Karen and it's okay, nothing wrong with it because she had done the same thing when she was young. God, I can't imagine my mother with another woman! Saturday April 23 So bored!!!! Mum and Dad have taken the dog to the beach. Janine is asleep in her room (she was out late last night!) and I'm watching TV. What fun! I've got nothing to do, no books to read and college work is driving me nuts. I've had some texts off Karen, but even those can't relieve the boredom factor. The internet is a great boredom buster. I've played some online games, looked at some silly pictures and sent some emails. I've had quite a few emails now about my diaries on Literotica, most of them are very nice, people saying how much they liked reading my diaries and I'm always happy to send emails back thanking them for taking the time to contact me. I'm quite surprised that people are still emailing me, it's been ages since I sent my first diary into the website. It's weird since I never think about people reading all about my intimate life until I read a feedback email from someone who has just read about my, and then I get a thrill! It's like I'm an exhibitionist and they're voyeurs, in a way it's actually quite kinky. I've been asked why I don't write a blog or put my thoughts straight on the PC. I just like laying on my bed with my diary and a pen, it's simple and easier to collect my thoughts this way. PC's are great but when I write at the end of the day I don't want distractions and the internet is a big distraction! Later Okay, the internet is a weird thing. Weird, bizarre, odd, crazy and every other nutty word you can think of. Why? Get this. I logged into MSN Messenger to see if any of my friends are on and up for a giggly chat. I don't use it very often but it is great fun. When I logged on about 2 hours ago I had a message saying some called "FunD1VA" who had added me to their list. I added them to mine, although didn't recognise the name. I checked my buddy list, Janine, Karen and my friends from college were all offline, probably got better things to do on a sunny Saturday afternoon. FunD1VA was online and immediately sent me a message saying "Hi". I can't remember the conversation word for word but it turns out she got the wrong email address wrong, and apologised. It was like ringing the wrong number. I said it was okay and that I was bored to death anyway and happy to chat to anyone! She seemed a nice girl, but while FunD1VA said she was in her twenties, was in England and "pretty cute" I was aware she could also be a 55year old man getting his kicks by pretending to be a girl. The dangers of chat and internet contact are made very obvious my Dad who always preaches about the unknown dangers lurking in cyberspace. I realised I wasn't in any harm, I don't give out personal information or anything like that so chatting to this mystery person seemed okay for the time being. I was just happy to be doing something. We chatted for a while about various things like how we both can't wait until summer. I mentioned I'd been on holiday already this year with my family, not going into any detail. Then the topic moved slowly onto sex. I told FunD1VA I was still a virgin, that I hadn't been with a guy yet but have done other things. She found that very interesting and wanted to know more, I declined to tell her on the grounds that it was private and I didn't know her. She was fine, said it was always best to be careful. I felt a bit hypocritical since I had already shared my intimate life with countless people via my diaries. She told me she'd been with a girl before and how she found it to be very erotic and emotionally rewarding experience. I felt a bit more secure and decided to tell her that I had a secret relationship with a girl, not mentioning any names, and it was a roller coaster of emotions for me. FunD1VA knew exactly what I was talking about and asked if she could tell me something that was a little taboo. I've just realised that as I am writing this that I have my chat conversations saved so I'm going to put some of what we said to each other in here, saves me having to write it all out from diary, my poor fingers are killing me! Haley says: go for it! don't mind a little weirdness, seems to be the norm at the moment. FunD1VA says: i did it with my sis. that was my sexual experiences with another girl. is that ok with you? I read her lines of text twice before it sunk in. My fingers stopped moving. This wasn't enough to end the chat but it seemed all too familiar to me. I started to wonder who this person really was. Haley says: fine, after all human beings are sexual creatures and you weren't doing anyone harm by it FunD1VA says: I know people think incest is bad but I don't think what I did was bad. we connected real deep, was very emotional for us. A few minutes later I excused myself to use the toilet. I hobbled out of my room, using my slow speed on my crutches to sneak a glance into Janine's darkened room. I didn't see much, just an outline of her lying on her bed fast asleep. I relaxed. I am paranoid to think Janine would try something like this. Back on the screen FunD1VA admitted that being this open with a stranger had turned her on a bit. I agreed, I was feeling slightly aroused. She asked if I had ever had cyber sex to which I replied not really, had she? FunD1VA says: Yes with girls. It's a lot of fun and very sexy. Haley says: I know people use webcams and show off on them but I haven't done that myself, I don't think I am brave enough really! FunD1VA says: some people just like to watch, I've played with myself for people who don't have a cam or are too shy, it gets me hot every time. Haley says: wow! That sounds really erotic, even if I had a cam I think I'd be way too embarrassed to do anything like that. You're very brave!! She didn't say anything for a while. I sat and waited wondering where this was leading to. Would I really do something like that with a stranger? I don't think I could, maybe with Karen. That thought turned me on and I realised that it probably wasn't such a bad idea. I'll talk to her about it. I'll have to tell her about FunD1VA though, she'll think it's very sexy. For some reason Karen is incredibly open minded, I guess I'm lucky there! FunD1VA says: would you like to see me? Haley says: now? I was started to get turned on at this sudden turn of events. I told myself it wasn't being unfaithful to Karen if someone else showed me their body, after all I wasn't doing anything. Besides Karen likes porn, she showed me Literotica ages ago. I should stop making myself feel guilty all the time. FunD1VA says: I'm up for it if you are! Haley says: ok. I'd like to see your face at least, then I can see the stranger I've been talking to! FunD1VA says: anything but my face. No offence but like you said we could be anyone and I don't want to log on next week and see my face all over the internet. Is that ok with you? Haley says: sensible thing to do, I totally agree. No problem. God, she was going to show off her body to me? A stranger! She must be more sex starved than I am. I waited patiently and then the invite came: "FunD1VA is requesting a video chat" I accepted and the window popped up. It was dark at first, I could hardly see anything. She told me to hang on while she sorted out a light. I could see something moving but it was very vague and then a shaft of light beamed down in front of the camera. Just enough light to illuminate the immediate surroundings, the background remained very dark as if it was night time. I was looking at a thick blue fleecy jumper, unzipped a little at the top. Her neck upwards was out of sight but I could see her body down to her waist. She moved around on her chair to get comfortable and I did the same, waiting for her to say something. This was a first for me, I hadn't even done video chat with my friends yet! FunD1VA says: can you see ok? Haley says: it's a good picture. Very clear. FunD1VA says: cool. I'm already horny. Want to show you my body. Haley says: go for it. What else was I going to say? I was a video cyber sex virgin! The image blurred for a second then her hand slowly unzipped the fleece down between her breasts, all the way to the bottom. I stared as if hypnotised by the sight. FunD1VA slowly opened the fleece to reveal a lacy see through bra. She dropped the fleece out of sight and reached up to cup her breasts. She seemed to enjoy teasing me, not wanting to reveal her nakedness just yet, as if building up the tension between us, or just savouring the feeling of flashing at a stranger. Then she stopped, her hands returned to the keyboard. FunD1VA says: enjoying the show? Haley says: oh yes, love it! FunD1VA says: want me to remove my bra? Haley says: yes please. I'd love to see your breasts. FunD1VA says: are you aroused? Haley says: yes, I'm getting more aroused. FunD1VA says: cool. Ok here it comes. Her hands moved behind her back, the bra slackened and she pulled the straps off her shoulders. Her breasts bobbed forward and she held one in each hand as if hiding them from me. Haley says: don't tease! Let me see? She removed her hands and placed them above her, on her head maybe out of shot. She arched her back and lifted her chest up to the camera. They were full and I could see a hint of tan line, her nipples were small and pink and stiff. I reckon she was about a 32 c-cup, bigger than me. It was so weird to see a stranger flash their body for me, I could feel my fanny begin to moisten and I shifted on my bed. Her hands returned and she smoothed them over her white globes, teasing her nipples a little, giving them a pinch or two. This went on for a few moments before her hands went to the keyboard. FunD1VA says: you like? Haley says: very much! You're amazing! This is my first time seeing anyone do that on the internet. Wow! FunD1VA says: I'm so horny I just want to do more. Do you want to see more of me? Haley says: yes please, if you don't mind! I'm loving your show! FunD1VA says: thank you. I want to get sexy for you. Will you keep typing for me? I want to know how horny on you are. Haley says: sure, I am turned on! FunD1VA says: are you wet? Haley says: yes! God, can't believe I just admitted that! Yes I am wet just watching you. FunD1VA says: that's good. Will you finger yourself for me? I didn't need much encouragement. I would her what I was doing and thinking and anything else she wanted while she was putting on her show. I had to think fast with my fingers, I wasn't used to typing so fast. I was about to tell her this when she twisted in her chair as if looking around in the dark. Then her text appeared on the screen. FunD1VA says: sorry, got to go. Do you want to meet up again? I really want to, but if you don't I'll understand. Haley says: sure. I'd like that. FunD1VA says: thank, later on tonight ok? Midnight? Sorry but I do have to dash, I didn't realise the time. Haley says: it's ok. Yes. Midnight is good. See you then! FunD1VA says: cool! Can't wait! Stay horny for me! Bye for now! X I was about to say bye when she waved her hand at the camera which went dead a second later. She logged out of messenger and I slumped back against my pillows. Wow! The internet is a strange place for sure! I logged off and powered the laptop down. I was just in time too as a heard the front door downstairs shut. Mum and Dad were home. Sunday April 24 Last night was definitely an odd night. Very bizarre indeed. I waited patiently all evening for midnight to arrive. Everyone had gone to bed, Janine and I had a quick chat about college and she arranged to drive me in tomorrow to see some of my friends and collect assignments. Eventually she left and I logged onto MSN. FunD1VA wasn't online yet so I checked my emails. I heard someone in the bathroom and considered logging off and powering down my laptop. The last thing I wanted was someone coming into my bedroom and seeing me masturbating to a live video feed of a girl! I relaxed when I heard Janine's bedroom door close. I waited patiently and was rewarded a few moments later when FunD1VA bing-bonged in. She immediately sent me a message saying hi. I replied and she asked if I was ready to continue from where we left off. I was more than ready, I was dying to see her body. I can't figure out why I was so fascinated to see her, perhaps it was the kinkyness of it, the thought that it was secret and a little sleazy maybe that turned me on. The invitation to start a video chat appeared and I agreed. The video window popped up and was again very dark. I could see something moving and then the over head light came on illuminating her body leaving the background in darkness. FunD1VA says: Hi again! I've been looking forward to this! Haley says: me too! am very excited! I watched as she got comfortable and then peeled off her white blouse and lacy bra. I was again aroused at watching her semi-naked body move on my screen. She toyed with her nipples and cupped her breasts, holding them close to the camera as if offering them to me to lick. FunD1VA says: tell me what you are wearing? Haley says: just a nightshirt FunD1VA says: take it off, I want to know you r naked I struggled for a second then peeled off my nightshirt. It felt weird having someone instruct me who I had never met. I was aroused and ready to watch her show. Haley says: ok, am now naked FunD1VA says: cool, keep typing, tell me what you are doing, want you to be as horny as I am Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 07 Haley says: of course, I'll give you all the details FunD1VA leaned back from the camera, holding her breasts, gyrating her body around as her hands explored her body. She moved away and stood up showing me her stomach, lace knickers and legs. She slowly pushed her knickers down her thighs revealing a hairless fanny. Haley says: wow, you r shaved! That looks so cool. FunD1VA ran her finger tips down her fanny lips and I followed her actions, my left hand slipping between my thighs, gently touching my own moist lips. My right hand quickly typed, informing her of my actions. FunD1VA pulled her chair back to her, turned to raise it up then sat down. She placed her feet on the desk in front of her and adjusted the camera. I now had a perfect view of her glistening fanny. Haley says: I'm finger fucking myself for you, am so wet. I felt a bit silly typing this sort of thing. I don't mind writing down anything in my diary to do with sex, but this felt weird to me, not it a bad way, I just felt funny, very aroused but funny. I hope she believed me as I really was fingering my fanny with 2 fingers. FunD1VA used one hand to slowly tease her fanny lips apart and the other she slowly inserted 2 fingers into herself. I was totally amazed at the whole thing, I just couldn't believe someone would show they body like that to someone they hardly knew. I guess I shouldn't really poke fun or criticise, after all I remember a time not long ago in the swimming pool grotto where Karen and I put on a show for a couple of lads. I know I must have an exhibitionist streak in me but this was new territory to me. I stared in amazement as FunD1VA proceeded to finger herself for me, her body twitching and jumping as she moved her fingers up to her clit where she rubbed it vigorously. Haley says: you are so hot, I'm fucking my fanny harder now, I want to climax for you, want you to climax too FunD1VA was reading my screen text, her body seemed to react to what I said. My very words drove her onwards with more passion. Her body writhed in the seat, her bottom lifted into the air as she masturbated, roughly slamming 2 and 3 fingers inside herself before slapping her clit and rubbing it faster and faster. I was helpless to resist my sexual urges', not that I wanted to anyway. I fingered myself, my actions copying those of my video sex buddy. I struggled to keep my typing coherent but it was tough. Haley says: oh fuk, fuk fuk, am goinhg to climacx I watched as FunD1VA fingers became a blur, she pounded them in and out of her fanny like a steam engine. I felt my orgasm begin to boil over and I bashed out one last sentence. Haley says: yess am cummng I shuddered hard as my body shook to the thrill of my orgasm. I stared as FunD1VA also began to shudder, her own orgasm arriving just seconds after my own began. I was exhausted and lay still, panting and watching the video of the sexy girl as she pulled her fingers out of her fanny and dropped her feet to the floor. For a few moments we lay there catching our breath and relaxing. I kept my eyes glued to the screen, staring at FunD1VAS body covered in a thin film of sweat, her chest rising and falling, nipples hard, her fanny lips wet and glistening in the stark over head light. Eventually she sat up, he hands went to the keyboard. FunD1VA says: you r a horny girl! Haley says: me?!! U R just as horny! FunD1VA says: we turned each other on pretty good. Maybe next time I'll get to see you in action, what do you say? I hesitated. I hadn't expected such a proposition but it wasn't unwelcome. She had proved to me she wasn't a dirty old man but a horny women having fun. I think if I had a webcam I would have hooked it up there and then and shown her my body. I could feel my excitement begin to rise. FunD1VA says: hello? Haley? Still there? Didn't mean to scare you off, it was just an idea. Haley says: it's ok. I love the thought of showing you my body. I need a webcam badly! FunD1VA says: cool. It would be great fun to see each other. Haley says: I'll see wot I can do, hopefully meet you again soon? FunD1VA and I agreed to meet up again in a few days time. It was late and we decided to log off, but not before she cupped her breasts and held them to the camera for me. It was a thrill a minute! I closed down the laptop and lay on my bed for a while staring at the ceiling. I wonder if I would ever have experienced that if it wasn't for my broken leg. It had all happened so fast, one moment chatting to someone by mistake, the next we were masturbating online. Monday April 25 I woke up around 8am and was immediately embarrassed to hell. I became aware of someone talking to me and opened my eyes. Mum was standing in the doorway asking me something which my sleep filled head couldn't work out. I wiped my eyes and blinked a couple of times. Then I froze. I was naked. My Mum was staring at me. Yuk. My nightshirt was on the floor. I must have fallen asleep forgetting to put it back on after my video sex session. "Shit!" I cried out. Mum didn't seem bothered. "You must have been hot during the night," she said. She stepped over and handed my nightshirt up which I quickly covered myself up with. "You feeling okay? You look a bit flushed. Maybe a should call the doctor." "Mum, I'm fine," I said, still feeling drowsy. "I took it off when I was...hot." Mum shrugged. "Okay then. I'll bring you some breakfast." She left and as I was scrambling into my nightshirt Janine came in smiling and looking very happy with herself. "Morning!" she chirped, oblivious to my semi-naked state. "Ooh, looks like someone got some action last night." "Ha ha!" I mocked. "Why are you so cheery?" "I'm taking you into college today," she reminded me. "It's sunny and warm and we're going to have a great day." I managed to take a bath before we left. It was an effort to get in and out of her car but well worth it, by the time we arrived back home Janine's infectious happiness had caught on and I was feeling happy for the first time in ages. The good news is that while I was at college I left Janine and my friends in the canteen and headed to the campus computer shop. I bought I webcam from which I stashed away in my bag. I doubt if it's much good but it should do the trick. I got a text from Karen saying she could come and see me tomorrow. I've been sat here for a couple of hours trying to work out if I should tell Karen about FunD1VA or not. Would she be annoyed or excited about something new to explore? I would like to introduce FunD1VA to Karen, maybe we could have some erotic fun together, perhaps put on a show for my video sex buddy? I'm still unsure, for some reason it feels like I have cheated on Karen, but I haven't actually done anything really, have I? Secrets are not things I like to keep, especially from Karen. I don't want to end up in a position where I'm bottling things up and have them explode all at once. I've already got my Mum asking me to tell her things. Shit, that's something else I need to discuss with Karen. What do I do? Inform Karen that I'm going to tell my mother about us and she'll have to go along with it no matter what? Or do I ask Karen to be with me for moral support? Would that be too weird? Having my lover with me while I told my mother I was having a lesbian relationship with my sisters best friend? I don't know. I know I should tell my mother things, but this is a tough one, she seems to want to know more about my life, and it's only fair that I tell her, isn't it? Need to talk to Karen first. I think there's going to be some secrets shared very soon between me and Mum. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 08 Note: Once again I'm still playing catch up from my dairy to the computer! I've tried to include as much as I can from my Holiday Diary but have slimmed it down a lot so not to bore anyone to tears! For anyone who has read my other diaries you'll know I do leave out the really boring stuff, no one wants to know what I ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday! I want to get loads in this one because time is going on and I am desperate to write about more recent things. I know this is a long piece to submit to Literotica for which I am sorry, I honestly did leave a lot out! In some ways this was the most personal thing I have written so far, from an emotional point of view I feel I am sharing more than my physical life but my inner most feelings. If anyone one person can appreciate my reasons for putting this on the internet then I will be happy. ---------------------- Friday May 13 It's been kinda boring the last few weeks. I've managed to get more mobile but this leg business is really getting on my nerves now. So many times I wish I had never broken my leg, and I know I can't change the past either. This isn't a movie but if it was I'd be heading right back to that exact time and make sure I didn't break it. I've spoken to FunD1VA a few times now on MSN Messenger. I haven't managed to get a webcam yet and I'm amazed she is still willing to masturbate for me. It's so arousing to watch another girl, a stranger, fingering herself and reaching an orgasm. I'm actually getting wet just thinking about it, shit can you believe that! I must have sex on the brain at the moment. I've not seen Karen much. She's been busy working, always working. And life in this house has returned to normal, the excitement (if you can call it that) of my broken leg has worn off and everyone is back to their usual selves. Except of course I need Janine or Mum as a taxi service. There's no way I'm getting on a bus in my state, those things are death traps at the best of times and that's without a leg in plaster. I have been having big guilt issues just lately. Do I tell my Mum about Karen and myself? If I do what exactly do I say? How do I bring the subject up? Does she already know? She's said some very weird things just lately that have made me wonder if she knows and is also trying to find a way of us discussing it without either one of us looking embarrassed. Take yesterday for example. I now have a nice new lap top by the way. Yes, finally! My Dad needed his old thing back as my Mum wanted to do use it. I moaned at first but gave in. It didn't seem fair that he would take my only means of doing college work away from me when I can't struggle downstairs easily to do my work on the main computer. I didn't have to feel bad for long. Dad is a tease sometimes. He let me stew in my mood for a while then came into my room with something in a bag. He smiled and handed it to me and said I deserved this. Inside was a box wrapped up in Christmas paper. He explained that it wouldn't wait until then and I needed it now. I was more than surprised when I unwrapped it. I sat there and stared at it for ages. Then I started crying and Dad looked upset. I had to tell him I was happy and not sad! I had wanted a new one for ages and he knew how much it meant to me. I get on really well with my Dad, more than my friends do with theirs. We don't spend ages talking like I do with my Mum or Janine but we connect with each other in a special way as if he can read my mind or something. I was over the moon with the new laptop and couldn't wait to get it powered up. Dad left me alone to play, letting me know that I had better get all my data transferred from the old one to the new before handing it over to my Mum. I'm not a techno-freak. I don't know shed loads about computers but I know enough to clear out my cookies and temporary internet files so no one can find out what I have been looking at. Well, I obviously don't know enough because I fucked up big time. After transferring all my college work and removing bits of programs I made sure nothing was left for my Mum to find and then let her know she could use it. Anyway, yesterday I was checking out all the new stuff on my new laptop, a big smile on my face. It was just after 9pm, Dad was at the gym and Janine was out baby sitting for Mums sister across the other side of town. I didn't envy her one bit, our younger cousins are a nightmare. Mum was downstairs watching TV or so I thought. She clearly wasn't as she came into my room with the laptop and sat on my bed, the laptop on her lap. She asked me if I liked the new one. I smiled and said yes, YES!! She asked me if I had taken everything I needed from the old one, I said I was pretty sure I had. Mum looked at me in a funny way and asked me again if I didn't want to check the laptop one more time. Now this made me stop and think. She watched me as I studied her face, trying to work out what she was talking about. I finally said I didn't need to check, I know I had taken everything off. I was so wrong. "Please take another look," Mum said. She placed the laptop on the bed and left the room. I could feel the embarrassment creeping up on me even before I touched the laptop. I turned it around and I swear my heart stopped beating. I closed my eyes not wanting to believe what I had just seen. It wasn't true. It wasn't happening. But it was. It was still happening. Live. 2 windows were open. One was MSN Messenger, logged in under my name. The second was a chat window, opened for a conversation with FunD1VA. So far she had said: "hi sexy" and "look what I have for you!" and finally: "are you there? don't be shy, I'm not!" That wasn't the worst part. No way. The worst part was the live video feed in the image window. FunD1VA, my online masturbation buddy, was busy rubbing her bald fanny through a pair of see-thru knickers. I froze. Oh my fucking shitting God!! My Mum had just seen this! She had just seen FunD1VA getting ready to finger fuck herself for me. And it had to be me, it was my username and password in Messenger. I logged off immediately. Then I uninstalled Messenger and deleted all references to it anywhere I could find them. I then checked through al my emails and deleted them all. After 20 minutes I couldn't find anything else and put the laptop back on the bed. What the fuck was I supposed to say my Mum? I was thinking of telling her about Karen and me but this was just the worst way I could ever think of, ever. Shit! Shit! Shit! Fucking hell!!!!!!! I didn't know what to do. Then something changed in me. I stopped panicking instantly. I must have realised I couldn't do anything to change what my Mum had seen, it was done now and I had to suffer the consequences of that. I felt calm like I was ready to accept what fate had to offer. Mum came back into my room and sat on my bed. She glanced at the screen and pushed it aside. She took a deep breath and I readied myself for the worst. What she said wasn't what I expected at all. I was shocked and as I'm writing this down there's so much I can't quite remember, but I'll do my best. "When I was a bit younger than you I had a crush on someone," she said. She didn't look at me, but out of the window. "Well, I had many crushes, the first when I was 8 on a boy named Tommy Wright. We used to play Kiss Chase together in the playground." She paused for a moment as if enjoying the memory from her childhood. "But this crush I had around your age was different," she continued. "I'm pretty sure I was around 18 and very naïve in the ways of the world. I was doing my A-levels before university, I remember that." Again another pause. I wanted to know where this was leading to and what it had to do with her finding FunD1VA playing with herself. "My best friend at the time was Stephanie Powers. She was a wild one. Even from a young age, I'd known her since we in first school together, she was wild then. But she loved to do things to shock people. You know the sort of thing, she'd dye her hair bright orange or wear some ridiculous outfit just to see the reaction people gave her." Mum stopped as if gathering her thoughts. "We were complete opposites, her and I. I was shy, unimposing...normal I guess you could say. Anyway, we did everything together, shared the same classes, the same taste in music, went out together into town. Everything. We slept over at each others houses, stayed up all night giggling, you know what it's like?" I nodded. "I don't remember the first time I really started to feel attracted to her," said Mum. This was where I felt the shock start to creep up on me. "But I do remember the first time I caught myself looking at her in a different way. We were in my room watching TV one afternoon. We'd been sunbathing all afternoon and we're hot and sticky and needed to flop out on my bed." Why was she telling me this? Was it her way of trying to say she knew about Karen and me? Jesus what a way to go! "My mother found us and suggested we shower off and get ready as we were going out to a pub for dinner." Mum paused and scratched her nose. "I headed off, showered and came back to my room with a towel around me. Steph went in next and 20 minutes later she walked into my bedroom without a stitch on and lay down on my bed. My jaw just about hit the floor!" I laughed at this. I could understand my Mum being shocked. "I didn't say anything at first, just lay on my bean bag watching TV. Eventually I decided we had better get changed before my mother came back and got angry at us for not getting a move on. I wasn't a prude, all our friends had changed in front of each other at school for years but the changing room is different, there's so much going on and really only thing to do, get dry and get dressed. You've been there yourself." I nodded again. I knew what that was like. It wasn't a big deal. "This was different. The only 2 things to focus on were the TV and each other. I had to get dressed but I wasn't going to ask Steph to leave. So I calmly suggested we better get going. I had to take off my towel, no other way to get dressed is there? Steph stood up and I simply couldn't take my eyes off her body. I can remember it now so clear." Mum shut her eyes. "She was slim but curvy. Her skin tanned so easily yet she always had crisp white tan lines which were like strobe lights to be drawing my eyes in to those areas. I felt so silly staring at her but...well I guess I realised I was turned on by her body. I don't know if I would have had to the guts to do anything...more...you know...but that's all I did then, stand and stare." She opened her eyes and looked at me. Then looked back out of the window. It seemed easier for her that way, as if looking at me would be too embarrassing for her. "We never did anything...you know...sexual. Steph and I. But I relished every time we were naked together. Maybe I hoped something would happen but it never did. Not with Steph." She stopped and took a deep breath. I realised this was very hard for my Mum to do and I felt a bit sorry for her. I felt like I had forced this on her somehow, but then I think she knew that the only way I would tell her about me and Karen was if she opened up first, confessed a secret to me, to entice me into revealing something secret about my life. "These days it seems all the rage for girls to run around snogging their friends," Mum stated. "Like it's a fashionable thing to do. When I was your age girls didn't do that sort of thing. It was a taboo thing. People called girls like that "rug munchers" and "carpet lickers. They were ridiculed in the same way gay men were, and sadly still are. But nothing like the 70's or 80's." Outside an ice cream van pulled up. We could hear the children in the street yelling out and laughing as they queued up eagerly awaiting for their turn. "Steph and I went to different universities," Mum said. "We stayed in touch but eventually drifted apart. She's living in Spain now with her husband. The first time something happened between me and another girl was at a party in halls of residents in my first year. A group of us had been drinking all afternoon and evening and most of us we drunk as hell, god it was awful to think of the punishment I gave my liver back then!" We both laughed at this. That seemed to relax things a little. "Anyway, the party seemed to die around midnight, most people were passed out or laying on the floor talking nonsense. I had to walk back across campus to my own flat and a girl, Belinda Coates, who I'd only met a few times before came with me. We'd barely spoken previously, just in passing in the student bar a few times. That night we'd got to know one another and shared some good laughs." It seemed that the memories were still very much alive in my Mums mind as she paused again. Her eyes flicked back and forth as if playing an unseen video, sifting through to find the right scene. "We took a bottle of vodka with us," she said with a chuckle. "And passed it back and forth as we walked, well stumbled shall I say. Half way we ended up falling over at the top of this small hill near the rugby ground. We collapsed in fits of laughter and told each other we'd have to sleep there and head back in the morning as we were way too drunk to move." I knew that feeling. I'd been there a few times at those kind of parties and would be again if it wasn't for my bloody cast. "I don't really remember what we talked about," Mum said. "The stars were out and we lay there on the hill staring up at them. I have no idea how we got round to sex but we found out that both of us found girls as attractive as boys and that we were both attracted to each other. Funny thing was that neither of us had ever done anything about it. So we kissed each other. Not very private place really but it was dark and no one else was around. It was a very exciting time for me." I wanted to say something like: "I know what you mean," or "I've been there Mum, know what you're talking about," but I couldn't. I just lay there speechless listening to my Mum reveal her first lesbian experience. "Of course we went further than just kissing as you can imagine," Mum carried on. "Otherwise I wouldn't be telling you all about it. We get quite carried away actually and before we knew what had happened we had removed a lot of each others clothes. We weren't naked, but we spent some time exploring each others breasts, kissing and touching each other. It was such an arousing, exciting moment." I'm not sure but Mum started to look a bit red in the face at this time. "I think the cold must have stopped us because we started to shiver. The effects of the booze was wearing off and we decided to head home. We both felt a bit silly at what we had done, we were suddenly very awkward with each other. Anyway Belinda's flat was locked up and no one was home. She didn't have her key with her so I insisted she sleep in my room that night. I always slept naked, hated nightshirts or underwear in bed, still do in fact." I tried not to picture my Mum getting into bed naked these days, but I felt a pang of pride that she still did that. My Mum is still good looking and as I've said before her and Dad still have a pretty good sex life. I've heard them many times through the walls. "So I stripped off, threw all my clothes on the floor without thinking about it. Belinda started laughing and I realised I had company and started to apologise. Belinda followed and pretty soon we were laying next to each other on my single bed, naked and once again very horny. We spent the entire night exploring each others bodies, one orgasm after another. It was very passionate and all so new to us that we were like kids in a sweet shop with a very large amount of cash to spend." I laughed at this analogy. Mum smiled at me. She did indeed look flustered as if she was aroused at the memory. "The next day we skipped all our classes and spent the entire time in my bed. We made love for hours and hours. We saw each other a few times after that but it was never the same and never for very long. I got the feeling Belinda was not ready to come to terms with her love for women but needed a quick lesbian fix now and then. I was comfortable with who I was. I didn't need to shout it from the roof tops and I kept it secret from my friends but I didn't need to feel dirty afterward the way I believe Belinda did. That was my first sexual experience with another girl." She stopped. I could see her chest was rising and falling. Her breathing was quite heavy now and for me that was a sure sign that she was aroused. "But not your last?" I asked her. "Why do you say that?" "You wouldn't have ended it that way otherwise," I explained. "It felt like there was more to come." "Yes," said Mum slowly. She adjusted her blouse slightly. "More to come." I could see her nipples protruding through her bra and blouse and wondered just what she was no thinking. Was she still on track to try and ask me why she had found FunD1VA masturbating on the laptop? For a moment it seemed she was in her own dream world, reliving her old memories oblivious to me. Then she shook herself and looked me square on. "There is more," she said. "Do you want to hear more?" I nodded. "If it's okay with you." "I don't mind," she replied. "But sharing is a two way thing you know." Okay, so this was the tactic. I nodded and winced slightly. "I will," I said thinking the exact opposite. I wasn't sure I was ready just yet. Mum smiled. "I love your father very much, you do know that?" "Yes." "I'm not the cheating type either and neither is he," she explained to me. "And what I tell you now is in the strictest of confidence. If I hear you've told anyone else...well no punishment will be dealt out but you'll lose the closeness we have. I won't be able to trust you. Understand?" "Yes," I said. This was getting serious but I promised I wasn't going to break her trust, ever. "Okay then." She took another deep breath. "Belinda was the only girl I was sexual with until I met your father. We fell in love and are even more in love now than ever. Over the years we've shared many things with each other, some I don't need to go into but there are some I can tell you about." She gathered her thoughts and told me an amazing story I found hard to believe. Mum and Dad had been married about 3 years when she told him she found women attractive. Being a man he thought that was very sexy, men love the whole lesbian thing. One evening at a dinner party they met a couple through friends of theirs who they instantly clicked with. Elizabeth and Daniel Peterson, same age as Mum and Dad. They met them many times and even spent a week in France together about 2 years later. One evening they had arranged a dinner here, this is before me or Janine was born. But Elizabeth called to say Daniel had been sent off to London for the weekend and she had to cancel. They invited her over anyway, no reason for her to be on her own for a whole weekend. The dinner was good fun, they chatted and then played cards and laughed and joked with each other. They all got pretty drunk too. Mum seemed a bit vague over how anything sexy got started but Dad let it slip that Mum was attracted to women. It seemed that Elizabeth had found herself wondering what sex with a woman was like for some years. I think Mum doesn't remember much about that night, she was trying to piece together things from her memory and what Dad had told her. Mum had offered to "teach" Elizabeth a thing or two about lady love if she was interested. Dad encouraged both of them to enjoy themselves, and whatever they did that night would stay with them, a secret no one need know. Elizabeth seemed unsure and even though she expressed an interest she declined the offer. She felt it wasn't the right time. Mum an Dad backed down despite their obviously highly aroused idea that hadn't quite come to fruition. Elizabeth was invited to stay in the guest room as she was over the limit and shouldn't drive home. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 08 Mum seemed a bit lost at this point. She said she remembered everyone going to bed, her and Dad were turned on and were making love in their bedroom. After Mum used the loo and was interrupted by Elizabeth who was stumbling across the landing looking for the bathroom wearing nothing but her earrings. Finding her friend naked was an obvious turn on for Mum. Elizabeth was clearly very uninhibited with the effects of the alcohol in her system. She sat on the loo and peed in front of my Mum, chatting away like it was all normal and okay. Again it seems vague here, Mum trying to remember details. How they ended up kissing in the bathroom Mum can't remember. She does know that she removed her nightshirt and her and Elizabeth made out in the nude in the bathroom. As the story goes Dad found them kissing. He had woken up and finding Mum missing he went looking. He was the one who suggested they head for their bedroom and this time Elizabeth was eager to agree. They all kissed and touched each other and Dad spent some time laying there watching Mum and Elizabeth exploring each others bodies. Dad joined in later, making love to Mum while she gave Elizabeth oral sex. He came inside my mother as Elizabeth climaxed. Later they all made love again, this time Elizabeth was laying on top of my mother, her fingers inside driving my Mum crazy and finally to orgasm. My Dad came over my mother's breasts and Elizabeth was eager to lick up his juices and share them with my Mum in a deep kiss. Then Mum went quiet for a while. She sat and looked sort of ashamed of this, or maybe ashamed of telling me such a deep dark secret. She then said that the next day they were all aware of what they had done and aside from the initial awkwardness of it all decided it had indeed been a very eventful night and one they had all enjoyed. They kept it a secret. They played out their sexual fantasies many times over the years and seemed to find extreme pleasure from the triangle of eroticism. The last time they had gotten together for such an occasion had been last year when Janine and me stayed with Granma in Cornwall. This surprised me a lot. Mum explained that they kept the secret hidden from us as no parent wants their kids to know such in depth details. Mum and Dad often went out for dinner, theatre, cinema and other things together. They're not normal boring people who never go out. It seems to me that their relationship is so strong because they choose to do so many things together. When Mum had finished her story she sat there for a long time staring out of the window. Neither of us said anything. I knew she was waiting for me to share some of my secrets but finding the words to get started was unbelievable tough. It was Mum who started the ball rolling. "So, FunD1VA?" I squirmed uncomfortably. I didn't want to tell her. I wanted to avoid the embarrassment more than anything. But it felt wrong to deny my mother some of the facts she had already guessed. And now she had shared some of her life with me I felt it would be a betrayal not to tell her. "We met by accident," I said after a long moment of silence. "She contacted me on MSN. Had the wrong email address but we chatted anyway." I saw the look in Mums eyes. "I was bored! I lay here all the time with nothing to do and no one to talk to." "I'm here," Mum said quietly. "I know," I said and took one of Mums hands in mine. "I'm not blaming anyone. No one can be here all the time just in case I get bored." "So what did you say to each other?" "Not much to start with. Just boring chit-chat. She's English, in her 20's and yes I was aware that she could have been an old pervy man getting his rocks off talking to me." Mum gave me a knowing look. "Don't worry. I didn't give any personal information away. I'm not stupid." Mum patted my hand. "Okay." "She was just nice. Pleasant and easy going." "And naked." "That's not fair!" I said hotly. "Sorry." Mum looked shamed. "But how did she get her clothes off?" "We chatted for ages. About all sorts. Then we talked about sex. I told her I was still a virgin...yes Mum I still am!" Mum smiled. "I wouldn't know that would I?" "I guess not." I paused for a moment trying to remember our first conversation. "She admitted to me she had done things with another girl and had also done something taboo." I stopped suddenly. Was I going to tell Mum about Karen now? That had come up in our conversation even though I hadn't told FunD1VA anything. I decided not to say anything about Karen as I hadn't discussed it with her yet. "Taboo?" "Yes. She had done it with her sister." I stopped and let Mum understand what I had just said. Mum said nothing nor made any obvious sign of this weird statement. "Anyway she asked if I wanted to see her," I said. "She had a webcam and invited me to video chat with her." "You don't have one of those do you?" Mum asked looking around my room. I shook my head. "No. But she did and it can work one way just fine." "So she took off all her clothes for you?" "Not exactly. She was dressed. It wasn't like that to start with. She wouldn't show me her face as that was too personal...yes I know it sounds weird but it kind of makes sense." "Then what?" "She said she was horny and wanted to strip for me. I was very shocked and didn't know what to say. Even if I had a webcam I don't know if I could have done that. Maybe but...I don't know. So I let her undress. First to her underwear and then nude. I admit I was very surprised but..." "Excited?" I nodded. "Yes." "That's okay." Mum said softly. "It's nothing to be ashamed of you know. You're not a child anymore. You're a beautiful young woman. If you were still a teenager I'd be concerned, maybe angry. I still am concerned about this but you're old enough to be making these decisions for yourself." "Thanks Mum." "So what did she do?" "Well she asked me if I liked what I saw." "Did you?" Again I nodded. This was so hard for me. "Honey, come on, it's okay," Mum held my hand. "Humans are sexual beings. There's no wrong or right about what we find attractive. Women can be attracted to women and the same for men. That sort of thing used to be on the fringe of society but these days it's becoming more and more acceptable, even normal I suppose." "I know but...it's hard to tell anyone...I can't..." I could feel my eyes fill. I was actually going to cry. I didn't want to and wasn't sure why I was. Maybe it was the feeling of being able to confess some of my secret life to someone other than Karen. My mother is the only other close person in my life and I felt that I had kept a guilty secret from her too long and now it was slowly coming into the open I felt an entire crowd of emotions piling up ready to hit me, hard. Mum lifted my face up and looked into my eyes. I couldn't help it. I started to cry. Mum smiled and hugged me to her. I cried and cried, telling her I wished I didn't have secrets, that I wished people were open books and nothing was private. It was so hard keeping things secret that it hurt. Mum comforted me, telling me that I should always be able to tell her anything, no matter what. I cried even more at this as a I felt worse for not feeling I could confide in her before. "I will always love you," Mum said when we parted. She wiped away my tears. "I'll never judge you, never turn you away. You can tell me anything you want. I might be shocked, angry, excited, whatever. But I'll never ever turn my back and not support you." "I wanted to...tell you about...things...I really did." "You can tell me anything." I pulled a tissue from a box next to my bed and wiped my eyes. "Do you want to tell me any more?" I nodded. "When you're ready, okay?" "About FunD1VA," I said and took a deep breath. "She took off her clothes and you know...played with herself...touched her body...her breasts and her...you know...I was so...was really..." "I get what you mean," Mum said. "Turned on by it all." "Yes. And I did the same thing as FunD1VA," I said. I still felt so weird telling my mother such intimate stuff but it wasn't so awkward. "But she had to go out then." "And that was it?" asked Mum looked let down. "No. We carried on later that night. She took off her clothes again and asked me to do the same thing and..." "But you don't have a webcam." "I know but...I was turned on and wanted to do it..." I said slowly. "I told her what I was doing, typing it into the window as I watched her. I told her...I said where I was touching myself. She mas...masturbated for me...and I did the same. And we both...we both..." I stalled. God this was so horrible. Even now as I write this it makes me squirm. I can't believe I told my Mum this! "Climaxed." "Yes," I said with a nod. "Good for you," Mum said and smiled when I looked at her. "Seriously. You're exploring your sexuality and there's nothing wrong with that at all." "FunD1VA asked if I wanted to hook up again and I agreed," I said. "I was intrigued. I wanted to see her again but I felt...I don't know...maybe guilty isn't the right word...I can't find the word." "Guilty? Why?" "Because of..." I stopped. I couldn't go any further. Mum watched me for a moment. She held my hands tight. "Okay honey. We'll leave it there for now?" "Okay," I said. "But I do want to tell you, I really do. I need you to know some things but...not now...I have to talk to...someone first. It's only fair." "I understand," Mum said. Her voice was so gentle. Funny how you remember the little things isn't it? I remember our conversation clearly, and okay I may have some of the words wrong but that's no big deal. But I totally remember how Mum sounded and acted. She was so gentle and understanding with me. It was an amazing feeling knowing my mother accepted what I had to say without judgement. She was interested in knowing more but for that moment we were on the same wavelength. "Thank you," I said. Mum hugged me again. When we parted she smiled at me. "Tell me when you're ready." "I will. I promise." And that's it. Mum headed downstairs to make us a drink. I felt relieved as if this huge weight had been partially lifted from my shoulders. I started writing this all down and it's taken quite a while I have to say. But I had to get it down on paper before I forgot it. I don't really care about writing what I had for lunch or what the weather was like or what clothes I wore...those details are not important to me really. It's the big events I like to keep. Maybe one day I'll read back through this and smile about my life. I'm worn out now. It may have been a good thing, talking with my Mum, but it's been exhausting. I'm going to take a bath. Wednesday May 18 I'm soooo bored! I chatted to FunD1VA on MSN for a little while earlier but she had to dash out and I wasn't in the mood for it anyway. I just wish this cast would fall off in the night and I'd wake up and feel revived. No chance there, have to wait for hospital appointment and that seems ages away. Chatted to Karen earlier on the phone after FunD1VA had vanished. She seemed distant, as if uninterested in what I had to say. I don't blame her, all I seem to do these days is moan and cry. She had to go anyway, something about her Dad shouting at her about using the car and not filling it up after. Great. It's a sad state of affairs when my secret girlfriend is letting an empty gas tank on her Dad's car take priority over me. Oh my life is over, just drop me in the nearest grave or ditch on the road, I don't care. Sunday May 22 One week to go till I get my cast off! At long last! I've got it marked on my calendar – "Friday 27 May – Get my leg back" and not a moment too soon. I hate this thing even more now. It's been ages since I saw Karen. Sometimes I wonder if she's losing interest or seeing someone else or a million other reasons why she doesn't come to see me. Then I remind myself that Karen is Janine's bets friend and not mine. The last time Karen and I had any quality time together was weeks ago, when I was crying about us not spending any time together. I've seen her come to see Janine and we've shared a quick secret hug or kiss but it's not the same. I'm scared that our time on holiday was the best we'll have and since then it's all slipping slowly away. Sounds so pessimistic doesn't it? Can't help but think about it when I can't do much else. Maybe Karen doesn't fancy me with this great big cast on my leg? Maybe she really is seeing someone else? Stop it. Stop it! She's not doing any of those things. Is she? Oh sweet Jesus, it's all going round in circles. Need to stop thinking about it all and concentrate on something else. But what? Think you self-pitying cry baby, think!!! Okay, I got something to take my mind off it. My chat with Mum last week was very odd. I can't get one image out of my head – Mum and Dad in their bedroom with their friend Elizabeth. Naked. Doing it. Makes me shudder. Mum and Dad aren't ugly or gross in any way, Mum is still attractive in her forties and so is Dad, especially when I look at my friends parents who look down trodden and worn out all the time. But it's the fact that my parents are having a threesome in their bedroom that makes me squirm. Well if it makes them happy who am I to complain? I am happy that I told Mum about FunD1VA, well kind of happy. I don't really like the idea of her knowing more intimate stuff about me than I really wanted, it's like a piece of my very personal life has been given away. Does that make any sense? Not really. I sound very hypocritical (is that the right word? Who knows?) since I've been sending my diaries to Literotica for total strangers to read. But that's not the same thing. I don't know them. I do need to speak to Karen soon. I want Mum to know about us. I really do. I'm fed up with keeping this a secret. I'll be happy if at least one person knows, then at least I won't have to feel like I am carrying around this huge secret and it's all my problem. Even when I have seen Karen it's stressful as I worry if Mum or Dad will catch us. Janine doesn't count, she knows anyway and doesn't seem to care what we do. Don't want to write anymore but this pen seems to have a life of its own. I haven't written much lately and we all know why...because there's nothing to write about. My life has become a bore. I keep looking at my calendar and willing the 27 May to come quicker. Patience is a great word when you don't have a choice. I'm going to sleep. Friday May 27 Oh my God the smile won't leave my face! It's been there for hours now and is starting to hurt! At 12.30pm this afternoon my leg was freed from its prison! Oh sweet Lord it feels so good, I'm never going to forget this feeling, ever! I could swing from the roof tops and shout my joy to the world! It's gone! Gone for ever! Waaaaahooo! The evil cast is in broken leg hell, never to return! Mum took me to a restaurant for lunch after and we had a great time, laughing and joking with each other. I was, and still am, feeling on top of the world. The doctor said I would need some physiotherapy and should still take it easy for several weeks. I need to go back for another check up too. It feels weird not having the cast glued to me and I felt a little shaky when I stood up and took a few steps. I was wobbling a little, and still felt like I had to limp. Mum and me only walked a little way to the restaurant but now my muscles are in a bit pain, looks like this physiotherapy is a must. Oh well, that's ok, so long as I never see those crutches again! I even had a huge hug from my Dad when he came home from work! He picked me up off the floor and hugged me. He was smiling and so happy for me. I guess it pained him more than he showed to see his daughter so low and unhappy. Well we're all happy now. Happy and joyous and free of evil! I've even had a shower for the first time in ages! I hate baths. I hated having to prop my leg on the side of the bath to keep the water off it. And now I've had my first shower since the break and holy shit it felt so good! I just stood there for ages letting the cool water hit my face and my body. It's been roasting hot the last few days, in the high 70's and the fresh feeling of the water on my skin was just so soothing. And now I am laying out on my bed. Now THAT sounds very silly! I've just spent weeks trapped here and the first thing I do after ridding myself of the cast is lay on my bed! I must be dumb! But who care's! I'm happy and I'm going to spend the entire summer having fun! I've had a text from Karen too a few minutes ago. I sent her one saying that I was back and cast free. She replied saying she was so happy for me and she'd see me soon. We'll need to talk about what I tell my Mum, that's going to be a tough talk, and I'm not looking forward to it one bit. She won't like it, I know she won't. Karen wants it kept a secret, full stop. I don't think she's ready to tell anyone. I wasn't either but I owe it my Mum more than I do to the Secret Lesbian Society. Later Just had a chat with Karen. It's nearly 1am and our conversation was conducted under my duvet in whispers! It's too late to be writing down everything we said to each other but I had to force myself to keep my voice low. She was thrilled to hear me so happy. She admitted that she didn't know how to handle seeing me so low and upset. I said it was okay, not to worry but Karen apologised for not forcing herself to see me more just lately and that she hadn't been very supportive. She felt very bad for not being there for me, but I wasn't hurt by her actions. I told her about my chat with Mum, not mentioning how it came about, I'm keeping that for a face to face. I said we need to talk about our relationship and that I wanted to tell my Mum and how it would effect us and what her thoughts on it were. Karen had to stop me. She was laughing. She said it was like talking to a speeding train, I couldn't get the words out fast enough and she could clearly see that I was ecstatic at my cast being stripped away finally. Then she was serious again. I calmed down. Karen sounded concerned over my intentions but I told her I would never tell anyone without her consent. So we're meeting at Tesco on Sunday. I'm going to take my first longish walk to test my strength. Am nervous about Karen being so serious. Not sure how she's going to react. Would she want to end it? Thinking back now it seems that Karen wasn't happy with what I wanted to do. Oh shit. I hope she doesn't end it all. Sunday May 29 Today has been very strange. I got up, showered, ate breakfast and then told Mum I wanted to take a walk to Tesco. I wanted to stretch my leg for the first time in ages, she wasn't sure that was a good idea as the doctor had said little by little not run a marathon. She offered to take me in the car and we started arguing but then I lowered my voice and told her I was meeting someone...that certain someone I had to discuss things with. Mum changed her tune. She agreed to let me go so long as I took my phone and called her if I wanted a lift back. It was so hot outside I returned home and changed out of my jeans and into a long cotton skirt. That was much better. The heat really has been unbearable. Us English people seem to complain about the weather so much, we never seem to be happy with it. If it's cold we wish it was hot, if it's hot we wish it was cooler. We're never satisfied! I think it's due to the fact that we never get used to one type of weather as it's never around long enough for us to acclimatise to it. Anyway, boring stuff. It was hot. I strolled slowly, not putting too much effort into walking. There were kids out on their bikes, playing in the park and having water fights. It was a glorious hot sunny day. Don't want to put a dark mood in here but I bet there's a huge storm later on! Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 08 I remember that time when I met Karen at night in the alley to Tesco car park. That seems like such a long time ago. I can't believe what we did back then, but now it makes sense. I've begun to suspect I have an exhibitionist streak in me, well that figures especially the incident in the grotto at the water park on holiday. Did I really do that? I must have been mad! I spotted Karen on a bench outside Tesco and we gave each other a hug and very brief kiss, not wanting anyone to see us lezzing it up! We bought bottles of water from the kiosk inside then decided to head somewhere a bit more private, and strolled to the other side of the park. There're walks and cycle paths that run by the river and even though it was still pretty busy with people laying on the grass or walking we moved away and found a secluded spot by a tight knot of trees. We could still see people walking in the distance but the trees blocked out all but a few glimpses. We had chatted casually about different things on our walk. About my leg and how I was so happy to be free again. Karen had finally managed to talk her Dad into lending her money to buy a car. So she was happy about that. It was just idle chat amongst friends. I'm trying my hardest to remember everything here, but emotion can cloud even the best memory. When we were far enough away from public view we hugged again, this time for longer. It felt so good to hold her in my arms and feel her body against mine. I almost didn't want to let her go. The smell of her perfume reminded me so much of how I had missed her. We kissed, God did we kiss! I could have died then with no regrets at all. It was pure heaven to feel Karen's soft warm lips against mine. I don't care if that sounds mushy or soppy or romantic slush, it was how I felt. We sat on the grass by a large oak tree and sipped water. Sunlight streamed through the branches creating a patchwork of shadows and light on the ground. In the distance I could hear the twinkle of an ice-cream van and ever so slightly the splash of water from someone possibly falling (or even jumping) into the river. It was a nice moment to share. Both of us relaxing without saying a word. Just happy to be with each other. "There must be a reason why you want to tell your Mum about us," Karen said to me. "I mean it's very sudden." "I know, I'm sorry," I said. I knew I would have to tell her the whole story. "We don't have secrets from each other, do we?" "No. And I'll tell you everything, okay?" I started slowly, trying to pick my words carefully so as not to unleash the full story of FunD1VA onto Karen too soon. I told her about Mum coming to talk to me about what she found on my old laptop pc. This was all very awkward suddenly and I had to stop and backtrack and tell Karen about my erotic experience with FunD1VA. Karen said nothing as I told her everything about my accidental chat with FunD1VA and what happened after, from the chit-chat to her taking off her clothes and masturbating for me to watch. I explained that it was so arousing to watch a stranger do this that I did get turned on. Karen learned how I had stripped naked and played with myself, climaxing as I watched FunD1VA also reaching her peak. When I paused to gather my thoughts and continue with my chat with Mum Karen looked far from annoyed or betrayed, she looked...excited maybe? Turned on? It was a weird expression. "What's wrong?" I asked her. "I'm truly sorry I did it, Karen. I cheated...I know...but...what?" "Haley that is so hot." I frowned. Now this is not the reaction I expected. "Hot?" "Hot, yeah," Karen said with a smile. "As in horny, erotic, sexy." "Er...it was kind of like that but I'm..." "You didn't cheat on me," Karen stated. "There was no contact with her. Don't worry about that, you were horny. It's virtually the same as watching a porn film, but so much better." "Better?" I asked. I was now confused. I expected Karen to be angry and upset. But then she always has a way of surprising me. "So you're not angry?" "Fuck no!" Karen snorted with laughter. "In fact I want to see her do it! Sounds so cool, wish I'd thought of doing that!" We stared at each other then burst out laughing. I was so shocked at her reaction that my worries about telling her burst instantly. We laughed until we hurt. "So you've no idea who she is then?" Karen asked. I shook my head. "She wouldn't show me her face," I said, now unafraid of airing my views about the experience. "Just her body." "Fuck, that is so cool," Karen said. "Do you think she'd mind if I was there with you next time?" I shrugged. "No idea. We've not really talked that much, hardly at all other than the first time." "We need to get one of those webcams you know," Karen told me. She was being serious but saw the look of doubt on my face. "Just think about it. How horny it would be if we were all together like that! Haley, you have the best adventures!" I had to agree that it would be amazing to do. But part of me thinks it's also a bit lewd or obscene to show off my naked body to a virtual stranger. I wasn't sure I was convinced, intrigued but not ready to go stripping off with Karen and having a 3way video lesbian sex session. "So that's how my Mum found out about FunD1VA," I said. "Holy shit, did she actually see her naked?" "Yep," I said with a nod. "She was on Mums laptop playing with herself." Karen burst out laughing. "Fuck me that's so funny!" Again we were laughing. I can't honestly remember why it was so funny. But to Karen it was hilarious, picturing my Mum ready to send emails and surf the web when some young girl appears on her screen, naked and masturbating! Yes, I bet she was very shocked indeed! "I think I owe my Mum something," I said after we had calmed down. "I want her to know about us. I don't want to be tip-toeing around her when we're together. I'm being serious." Karen looked at me for a long time. I couldn't read her expression. She would make a good poker player. "Do you truly feel that it would be the best thing?" Karen asked finally. "Yes." "In your heart do you feel this is right?" "Yes. She won't tell anyone. I trust my Mum." Again I waited for Karen. We sat there under the oak and looked into each others eyes. I knew she was going to disagree. And then where would that leave me? What would I do if she said no? "Okay." "Really?" I asked but not quite believing her yet. My eyes were wide and I was starting to smile. "You really mean that?" Karen nodded. "Yes. Tell her about us." My smile turned into a grin and I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tight. I felt like I could cry and yell for joy at the same time. I covered Karen's face with kisses and then we lingered for a long time, our tongues playing, dancing with each other. I felt myself floating, my head spinning with the idea that someone else would know about our wonderful relationship. It sounds silly really when I think about it. Had Karen been a boy I would have been only too eager to let everyone know how I felt about him/her and how deeply in love I was with this marvellous, kind, gentle person. But I had had to keep those emotions bottled up for such a long time it was starting to hurt. And while I wasn't about to rush out and tell the world about my relationship with another female I was over the moon at knowing I could share my love for Karen with someone else, my mother who I cared deeply about. Our kissing slowed and we parted. "I've missed you so much," Karen said as she looked into my eyes. "Missed you too," I replied. It seems that was an afternoon of hugs. We gripped each other tightly as if not wanting to let the other go in case we melted like an ice-cream in the mid day sun. I realised then that I was starting to get turned on, it was a feeling I let myself sink into, welcomed with open arms. Our hugs of love became passionate as our rational thoughts departed. We seemed taken over by our feelings, letting emotions dictated our actions. My hands moved around Karen's body, peeling away her white t-shirt, my lips seeking out her stiff pink nipples. Taking them into my mouth, enjoying the sensation of the rigidness against my tongue, the smell of her deodorant on her body and the feel of her soft skin under my finger tips. I leaned back and pulled my vest top over my head. I welcomed her mouth to my breasts, relishing the sensation of her hot wet lips as they sucked my nipples one by one. Her hands cupping my breasts, holding them as her mouth sent shivers down my spine. "I want you," said Karen. "Here. Now." "Yes," I breathed as she kissed me. Our hands moved in unison. Mine pulled down her shorts, surprised at not finding any underwear. She raised my long white cotton skirt around my waist, her hands flowing over my thighs like cool water. We lay down side by side, hands moving slowly, sensuously over each others bodies. The rest of the world was oblivious to us as we touched and caressed one another. Almost at the same time our fingers touched each others fanny. I parted my legs, rocking back slightly onto my bottom and raising up to meet her touch. He fingers slid down my wetness, I shivered slightly from the touch, my lips seeking hers, finding them. Our tongues played as our fingers mimicked the actions. My fingers slid between her slick lips. She gasped into my mouth as I brought my fingers up between her lips to tease her clit. I felt the electric sensation as her fingers followed my every move. At first pushing between the folds of my fanny, then moving up to slowly rub my clit. I shuddered and groaned, my lips pressing against hers, our tongues thrashing around. I could feel her moving between my legs, her fingers gliding through my slick juices. Then she entered me, slowly but firmly. I pushed down, eager for her to be inside me fully. "Karen...yess..." I moaned. Her fingers travelled their full length inside me. It was such an intense feeling, of being consumed by Karen's desire to give me pleasure. I kept my thumb on her clit, slowly rubbing, while I drove two fingers inside her. It was her turn to shudder at the powerful sensation. "Fuck me...Haley...fuck me hard..." My fingers, buried inside her, began to move back and forth, gliding in and out of her, coated with her juices. I was going to climax so soon and I cried out. "Oh God....Karen...I'm going to cum..." "Do it...oh fuck yeah...cum for me...." Our actions were forceful and passionate. We writhed against each other, our wet lips smashing together, tongues dancing wildly, our fingers driving up inside each others hot wet fanny's, pushing each other toward orgasm. I went rigid, my orgasm rushing through my body. A second later Karen's hit her. We gripped each other tighter than ever before as we trembled under the force of a huge orgasm. My body quivered and finally dropped down onto the ground. Karen flopped down on top of me, breathing heavily. We lay like that for some time, not asleep, just enjoying the silence, hearing each other breath. I stared up at the branches and leaves overhead. It was so peaceful we could have been hundreds of miles from civilisation not near the city centre. Anyone could have left the path and strolled a little way into the trees and found us laying under the oak tree, naked like two naturists. I don't know how long we lay there, it probably wasn't that long but it felt much longer. When we did move we sat and looked into one another's eyes, faces almost touching but not quite. We spoke of our love for each other. The sensation of Karen's breath on my lips when she told me she loved me was just as erotic as her fingers moving on any other part of my body. We dressed and strolled through the trees back to the path by the river. At the edge we stopped. I squeezed Karen's hand and leaned in to her, she frowned but didn't stop me from kissing her deeply. A cyclist drifted by, the music from his headphones fading as we continued to slide our lips together, tongue play gentle and relaxed. "What was that for?" Karen asked when we parted. "I just wanted to kiss you where it isn't hidden away," I replied with a smile. "I might want to sing about you to the whole world, but I won't," I added quickly. "But that doesn't mean we have to shy away and lock ourselves in a cupboard does it?" Karen shook her head. "Not at all," she agreed. We strolled along the river for a while, enjoying the sunshine. We held hands. While this gesture may have been so very small, even minute, it meant the world to me...to us...as it meant that we didn't have to be so secretive about our relationship. So what if anyone saw us kiss or hold hands? What did it matter? Who was going to care? "How's you leg?" Karen asked as we turned off the path near Tesco. "It's actually okay," I replied. "But I think I'll call my Mum for a lift anyway, don't want to push it too much." We found a bench and sat down. We watched a mother trying to force a crying toddler into the child seat on a shopping trolley. "Will you call me later?" Karen asked with a frown. "After you tell your Mum?" I nodded. "I will. It'll be okay, I know it will. The awkward thing might be when she meets you in a different light, but we'll get over it won't we?" "Small steps," Karen answered. She kissed me once, lightly. "Speak to you later, okay?" "Promise." Karen stood, kissed me on the forehead then hugged me. "I'm in love with you so much it hurts," she whispered into my ear, then stood up. She smiled at me then turned and walked away across the car park. I watched her go, watched every step she took until she was out of sight. Then I wiped tears from my eyes and dialled home on my phone. As I waited for my Mum to come and pick me up I thought of all the people who on this planet who spend their entire lives desperately seeking love, trying to find that one single person who they can connect with. Call it your "life partner" or "soul mate" or whatever, but some never experience that connection, that profound feeling of knowing you have found someone who completes you. That special person fills the hole you didn't even know was there until you met them. Then I realised that if two people discover that almost spiritual feeling in each other then what difference does it make if they are both the same sex? I realised that it didn't. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 09 My last post was very emotional for me. I never thought I would enjoy writing about my life as much as I have. I'm not big headed in the slightest, I am prepared to accept anyone's viewpoint about my dairies, but it seems only fair that I say thank you to those who are kind enough to email me their feedback. Honestly, it feels amazing to receive an email from someone who has taken time out to express their feelings on what I have written. Again I would like to say that if anyone one person can appreciate my reasons for putting this on the internet then I will be happy. Before I get started. I want to say something about my diaries. After submitting 8 of my diaries to Literotica I have corresponded with many people and received many emails. It seems that something I wrote in my last diary touched a nerve with more people than I expected. Here is what I wrote at the end of Chapter 8 - – - I thought of all the people who on this planet who spend their entire lives desperately seeking love, trying to find that one single person who they can connect with. Call it your "life partner" or "soul mate" or whatever, but some never experience that connection, that profound feeling of knowing you have found someone who completes you. That special person fills the hole you didn't even know was there until you met them. Then I realised that if two people discover that almost spiritual feeling in each other then what difference does it make if they are both the same sex? I realised that it didn't. – - - Because of the numerous emails I have received I decided to wait not to wait longer and get cracking on my next diary entry. The main reason for doing this is the response the above excerpt from the end of my last submission. To be truthful that last section wasn't copied word for word from my handwritten diary. It actually read: "...if any 2 people love each other what difference does it make if they are the same sex?..." The reason why I added the extra is because of the actual context of that particular diary. I should explain something about my handwritten dairies. It may appear that I have this gigantic book under my bed with everything I have every written! Not quite true. I have a dozen or so dairies and start a new one after the last or use a brand new one like when I went on holiday. I keep them in a locked box under my bed and each night I dig out my latest one, get comfy and let my pen wonder along the lines. The context of my last diary section was different from the rest. I realised this when I was copying it onto my laptop. It felt that I was exposing more of myself than just physical or sexual. It felt that I was showing more of my inner feelings and emotions than before. So when I reached the last bit when Karen and I were outside Tesco supermarket I was feeling strange. It's hard to put into words, really hard. I remembered the pure, wholesome feeling when Karen told me she loved me. I felt that I was connected to someone on a level I had not experienced before, that we weren't just two people but coupled in some way that surprised me. I wanted to say more than those few words and I realised that so many of us are looking for that special person to share their life with, and how sad it is that not enough of us experience that closeness. I feel honoured to have felt that emotion in my life. I'm not religious and I don't think you have to be to feel a spiritual connection with someone. Is this literal nonsense? Maybe, but to me that feeling was deep. It was a huge high for me while at the same time it hurt like hell to watch the one person I loved with my entire soul as they walked away from me. It hurt because I would have to count every agonising millisecond until I was with Karen again. So why did I include that last bit at the start of this one? It's because of the emails I received from people who said they loved what I had written but especially the "last bit" and this email I found awesome: "...I wish you the best of luck in every thing you do. Your last paragraph or in "Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 08" is the most absolute truth. Congratulations..." Other people said similar things but as I read this one it caught in my throat. I stopped and reread it several times despite its short nature. To be truthful I love this bit: "...is the absolute truth..." as it summed up a perfect response to what I had said. There's so much hate and war in the world, it's disgusting to think that amongst our finest achievements, mankind seems driven to destruction and hatred. I don't care if it sounds clichéd or cheesy but I cried when I read that email. That's the truth. Believe or disbelieve it. I wasn't sat there sobbing my heart out. It was a deep emotional heart felt cry and for a moment I felt that I was connected to someone, a stranger, on a level I had not experienced before via an email. I won't say who wrote it, they know who they are, but I hope they understand how I felt when I wrote my last paragraph. Anyway, I just thought I would add my thoughts on that subject before I begin typing up my diary. My first diary submission was a new thing to me, I felt naughty doing it, kind of excited and turned on at the idea that someone could be reading what I had done with another girl. That people would know about my sexuality and my doubts, fears, desires etc. Now I feel that by opening up and putting my inner most thoughts onto paper I am sharing so much more than what I experience with the physical world around me. ———————- Sunday June 12 Had my "talk" with Mum late last night. It was tough going at the start! Really hard to get the words out. But I did it! Thank God for that! Phew! It's all over and done with now, I hope! She hasn't said much to me today so I hope she's not angry or upset about anything we said. It's 1.30pm now and I'm laying sprawled out in the back garden. It's roasting hot and there's not a single cloud in the sky. Beautiful. I need to get down what Mum and I talked about before I forget it, even now it all seems like ages ago. I went shopping yesterday but like the rest of the public traipsing around the streets I just wanted to find a patch of grass near the river, flop down and soak up the sun. My feet were killing me and I think I had probably over done it as my leg was aching. I didn't tell my Mum though as she would only go on about how I was doing too much too quick. But later on yesterday evening it was hell. I wondered if I had actually done some damage pushing myself too much by walking all around the shops on a hot day. I had some pain killers but they didn't help. In the end I was in so much pain I had to tell my Mum. It was just after 11pm last night and they were getting ready for bed. I called Mum in and she knew by the look on my face that I was in pain. She didn't tell me off. That much I was grateful for. She made sure I had some more pain killers and then put an ice pack on my knee which was actually the centre of the pain. I hadn't realised it but my knee was swollen quite a bit and Mum suggested it was a combination of pushing just healed leg and the heat. She suggested we take a trip to the hospital in the morning just to be on the safe side. Dad came in and asked if I was okay. He gave me a hug and we all sat on my bed for a while talking about the up coming summer holidays. He mentioned the possibility of going to Greece in September but was happy for me and Janine to go away together somewhere. Mum stayed with me a while after Dad had left for bed. We chatted about light hearted stuff and as she went to leave I put my hand on her arm. I was ready to tell her my secret, the time felt right. I didn't feel pressured or stressed out. I was relaxed, my knee throbbed a little, but I felt at ease. "Mum, can we talk?" I asked her. She frowned at me then smiled. "We haven't been talking then I assume?" she asked me. I shook my head and she sat back down. I took a deep breath and paused, trying to get the words inside my head into the correct order. I hadn't rehearsed what I was going to say but I wanted it to sound right. Since Karen and I had discussed my reasons over telling my mother about us I had tried to build up the courage to bring the subject up but hadn't found the right time. "Take your time," Mum said. She seemed to know what I wanted to tell her. "You know there's no rush. Whenever you're ready." "I know," I replied. "I want to tell you now." "The other day when we chatted about your...you know? It was really nice. I liked hearing about your life." "Sometimes children don't realise parents had any life before they were born," Mum said gently. "I was a little concerned that I had been too graphic the other day, was I?" "I don't think so," I said shaking my head. "I know you have a past and it would have been nice to hear you talk about anything in your life I didn't know about." Mum stared at me for a moment. She smiled and leaned back on my bed. "Sometimes isn't quite scary to see how you and your sister have grown so fast. It feels like yesterday you were crawling around in your nappy and now...all grown up...makes me feel old sometimes..." "You're not old!" I snapped with a smile. I didn't want this conversation to start with Mum crying. "Honestly you look so much younger than any of my friends Mum's, I really do mean that." Mum looked doubtful. "Come on, you and Dad are always going places. You have a very busy life," I explained. "My friends parents just seem so...dull. They don't have any life in them like they're just waiting for old age and death. You and Dad are out there, living life, having fun and enjoying yourselves. I think it's marvellous!" Mum smiled. "I suppose..." "It's the truth!" "Okay!" Mum said with a chuckle. "You win. We are very active and far from old age. Point taken." "Good." We sat there for a moment on my bed. I was sat against my headboard, my leg resting on a pillow with the ice pack. Mum leaned lounged across my bed, propped on her elbow, feet hanging over the edge. "First things first...I'm still a virgin." Mum gave me a questioning look. "Yes it's the truth," I said before she could open her mouth. "Not in the usual sense if you know what I mean." Mum nodded but remained silent. "But when it comes to girls it's different...God...I'm not a virgin in that sense of the word." I paused. This sounded so much better in my head. "Does that make sense?" "I know what you mean." I opened my mouth but I couldn't bring myself to speak the words. I wanted to tell her who it was but by mouth wasn't getting the message from my brain. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "It's Karen." I winced and waited for the reaction. I didn't know what to expect. Anger, shock, disbelief or maybe understanding if I was really lucky. After a moment I opened my eyes. Mum was sat there looking at me. "Karen," she said. No hint of emotion. "Janine's friend Karen?" I nodded. "Oh." What the hell did that mean? Oh. Jesus. She could do better than that. At least give me some sort of reaction other than OH! "Does she make you happy?" Mum asked. "Yes. Very." Mum nodded. She frowned then smiled at me. "Do you love her?" "Yes," I said quietly. "Very much." "And does she love you?" "Yes." "Good," said Mum. She looked kind of pleased. "Then that's what matters. That's the important thing." "But..." I didn't know what to say next. "You think I should be asking you all sorts of questions, right?" "Well...kind of." "Do you want me to?" Looking back I guess I expected her to ask me a hundred questions, although it would have easier if she didn't. I wanted her blessing more than anything else. I shrugged as if to say it was up to her. "How long have you been...together?" "Over a year now," I said and looked very guilty. "Sorry." "We all have secrets," Mum replied with a smile that made me feel more relaxed. "But that's okay. We can't tell everyone everything all the time." "I know but I felt bad keeping it from you." "You want to know something?" I nodded. "What?" "I had an idea something was going on when we were on holiday," Mum said. "I wasn't sure what exactly but I guessed you and Karen were up to something." "How did you know?" "Little things," Mum said. "You sometimes shared looks that weren't exactly between friends but more. They way you acted around each other. Nothing obvious but enough to make me think." "So why didn't you say anything then?" I asked her. "What was there to ask?" Mum said with a shake of her head. "I couldn't come right out and ask if you and Karen were in a lesbian relationship could I?" "We're not lesbians." "Sorry. I didn't mean to label you, that was wrong." "Are you going to tell Dad?" "Do you want me to?" I had thought about this. I still wasn't sure what the answer was. I didn't like to keep huge secrets from my parents. I hoped Mum would be understanding but I was having a tough time figuring out what Dad would say and how he would react. I know men are fascinated with the whole lesbian thing, the world seems filled with pretty celebrities intent on snogging each other on TV. Would Dad find my relationship with Karen a turn on? The idea made me feel sick. Or would he be disappointed? "I don't know," I said after a moment. "I don't think so, not right now." Mum patted my leg. "Our secret then. But you have to be careful. Just because I know. It doesn't mean you can be relaxed. You Dad and Janine will be more than surprised if they knew." "Janine knows already," I said. I saw the look of surprise on Mums face. "Sorry. She found out on holiday. She hasn't told anyone." Mum sighed. "All the more reason to be on your guard. Your Dad deserves to know but he doesn't need to find out by walking in and find you and Karen making love." "Mum!" "Having said that I reckon he'd be pleasantly surprised," Mum said with a chuckle. "And he may be even turned on by it." "Mum! Jesus!" "You know what men are like," Mum said. "They think with their dicks first and brains second." We laughed at this. We discussed my situation more for a while, not too much detail but enough for me to feel that I had repaid the secrets Mum had told me about her youth and her secret life behind closed doors. I suggested she meet Karen and let her know she was okay with us being together because Karen was a part of my life after all. Mum thought this was a good idea although admitted to feeling a little nervous about it. We decided to meet up somewhere neutral and I called Karen to tell her the good news. Karen was more than relieved. I feel relaxed and happy. The huge weight of the secret is gone and I can stop feeling guilty. I'll tell Dad in my own time. I'm going to go take a shower. I feel very sticky and hot. Tuesday June 14 It's been very hot recently, not had loads of sunshine but hot and humid. I'm laying in bed right now. My fan on my bedside table set to maximum. All the windows are open and my door is shut. I'm just laying here on the top of the bed covers, naked and wishing the heat would leave me alone. It was after 1am when I decided I wasn't going to get much sleep for a while so I powered up my laptop. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, check emails, watch a DVD maybe, anything to get my mind away from the heat. MSN Messenger signed me automatically and I had a look through my emails. I didn't realise that FunD1VA was already signed in and I jumped when the message box binged above the clock. I replied with a quick hello and told her I couldn't sleep, it was too hot. She answered quick and agreed it was sweltering and she was all sweaty and sticky. I had to laugh and asked her where she lived. She told me it was England but insisted she couldn't tell me where exactly in case I knew her. Puzzled, I decided to let it go, after all she was just a good Messenger buddy to chat with and nothing more. I finished with my emails and was about to leave when she sent me another message. FunD1VA says: no webcam yet? Haley says: nope. i want one so bad. going to get one 2morrow. there decision made. FunD1VA says: wow! good for you! then we can have some real fun together! Haley says: can't wait! FunD1VA says: shall we meet up tomorrow night then? Haley says: cool idea! Am all excited now! FunD1VA says: want a quick sneaky peak now? Haley says: go for it! I sat cross legged on my bed waiting for the webcam to load up. The fan felt divine every time it passed across my body. I could actually feel my nipples begin to tighten at the prospect of seeing FunD1VA's body once more. The webcam finally loaded up but it was dark. FunD1VA says: ready? Haley says: sure am The first thing I noticed was an arm reaching up into the air out of shot of the camera. I realised FunD1VA had turned on an overhead spotlight that illuminated her body perfectly in the dark. I felt a shiver run through me as I drank in her naked body. FunD1VA ran her hands slowly over her breasts. I could see there was a slight wet sheen to her skin. It was obviously very humid where she was. Her hands seemed to slip and glide across her skin. FunD1VA says: can you see that? how sweaty I am? Haley says: oh yes. you must be boiling! FunD1VA was sat in her chair, her legs were crossed and resting on something behind the camera I couldn't see. She trailed her fingers upward from between her legs, over her stomach and between her breasts. When she moved her fingers away I spotted a thin trickle of sweat trickle down her cleavage. The quality of the webcam isn't like TV, sometimes it's grainy or slow or blurred but for a moment I could clearly see she was indeed dripping with sweat. FunD1VA says: thats what you call sweaty Haley says: no shit! I'm just the same. I can feel it under my tits. FunD1VA says: wish I could see that. its so sexy! Haley says: sweat is sexy? FunD1VA says: fuck yeah! its hot! all sticky and slippery, I love it. haven't you ever seen a fat women fuck? Haley says: can't say that I have FunD1VA says: your missing out! Its fucking cool!! check out some of the BBW vids online. fat women really go for it, all shouting and moaning and sweating when they writhe about. they get really sweaty and sticky. that shit just pours off them. Haley says: I'll have to see what all the fuss is about. I couldn't say that was really something I had ever thought about looking for. Again my naivety was to blame. I had to look up the definition for BBW, Big Beautiful Woman. I guess FunD1VA was right, these women really do work hard. I'm quite shocked that women like that have the confidence to show themselves off like that. I'm not sizeist or anything. People can be beautiful regardless of their size. I left FunD1VA and closed down my laptop. I wasn't tired and couldn't get comfortable so I thought I'd write my diary, maybe that would get me off to sleep. Looks like it's working too. I'm feeling quite tired now. I've decided that I will go shopping for a webcam tomorrow. I'm meeting Karen in town so I can tell her about FunD1VA wanting to have a live sex session. I'm looking forward to tomorrow!! Thursday June 16 Well last night was another first for me. A big first. I'm still trying to get over how I got the guts to go through with it. I can't believe it really. And if you combine that with what Karen has told me, I can truly say that it was a day of eye openers. Okay, first of all I need to quickly get down what happened yesterday. I went shopping, met Karen and had lunch, we strolled along the river hand in hand, in the open! That was so nice to do. I know my Mum told me to keep our secret still secret but both Karen and me feel confident that we can do such little things as hold hands in public now. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 09 That might seem really silly, and we should be able to do what we like, but we've struggled to keep our relationship private for our families sakes more than anything. But now we feel more at ease it was so natural to do that small thing. We sat by the river and ate our lunch. It was hot and sunny and there were loads of people around, and lots of tourists taking pictures of everything in sight. For a few minutes we ate in silence, enjoying the sun, watching the swans glide along the calm water and feeling content. Then Karen told me something that at first I found very alarming. "I told my mother about us," she said in a carefree manner and then took another bite of her sandwich. I stopped in mid chew and stared at Karen. Had I heard her correctly? I coughed and swallowed my food. "What!" "Last night," she said. "I told her. I was so relieved your mum had taken the news well that I saw no point in keeping it a secret from mine." "You could have told me," I said. Karen nodded slowly. "Sorry," she said. "It wasn't until after I thought about that. I wanted it out in the open the same as you." I couldn't blame her. I had persuaded Karen that my own mother should know so I wasn't in a position to chastise her about the same thing. I have told Karen what I thought about her mother and never will. I've only met her a handful of times and she was blind drunk on every occasion. She's talked about a lot around our area, often just rumour and hearsay but there's truth somewhere. The problem with Sue, Karen's mum, is that she does drink, a lot. Me and Janine have seen her stumble past our house late at night, drunk as an Irish whiskey tester. Karen's dad died about 8 years ago. I know for a fact that Sue has had at least 4 men in her bed since then. I heard this partly from her own mouth when drunk at one of my mums friends 40th birthday parties and partly from what my mum has told me, although this I put down to rumour. Sue is an easy lay. A good target for men at the pub who want a quick shag. That seems to work for her and them and with no husband around she isn't actually doing anything wrong. I just don't like the idea that she now knows about Karen and me. She could blab this out to anyone in a drunken stupor. I guess it's not really that big a deal but it worries me a little. "What did she say?" I asked Karen. "She said it was my life and if that was what I wanted then it was okay with her." Karen gave me a shrug. "She's easy going really." "Looks like it," I replied. We finished our sandwiches and knocked back bottles of ice cold water. I decided it wasn't a big deal if Sue knew about us. Even if she did tell anyone, who was really going to believe her? Certainly not the guy who was currently trying to get her pants down so he could shag her down some alley behind a pub. Sorry, that's being a bit coarse. I hope she isn't like that. I changed the subject. I told Karen about FunD1VA the previous night. Karen's eyes lit up instantly. I told her every last detail about what we said and what she looked like. Then I explained that she asked me to buy a webcam so we could watch each other. Okay, this was a little lie, it was my idea to buy the cam but I figured Karen wouldn't like it if I was really into my Messenger buddy too much. Karen was really excited. She told me how she thought it was so erotic and really wanted to get in on the action. I wanted Karen to be there with me but since FunD1VA didn't yet know about her I explained that I would have to suggest it first before Karen appeared out of nowhere. Karen looked a bit put out by this but gave in after some persuasion, but made me promise I would tell FunD1VA about her. We found a webcam for £30. Looks like a large golf ball with legs to me. We were both excited and I promised Karen I would tell her all about it. On the way home we discussed our holiday plans. We wanted to go somewhere together, but where and how much would it cost? Mum would be fine with it but we'd need to come up with a story to give to my dad. I hate the idea of lying to him but I have now promised myself that I will tell him before returning to college in September. But that's so far away, who cares! I hid my webcam away in my room. Not that it matters who sees it but I wanted to unwrap and play with it first in private. I wanted to savour the moment which may sound very silly but so what? I set it up and figured out how to clip it to the screen of my laptop. I played with the software for a while until I got bored. It was fun pulling faces at the camera and watching my face on the screen but I was more interested in using it for other reasons. Janine knocked on my door around 6pm. "Cool, you got a webcam!" she said and jumped on the bed behind me. She thrust her face in front of the cam and stuck out her tongue. "These things are great," she said and climbed off my bed. "It's for chatting with friends," I said a little too defensively. "I use mine to chat with people at uni," Janine replied. "It's great fun. We have real blast sometimes." "I didn't know you had one," I said. "Had it ages," Janine said. "Anyway, food's ready." She skipped out of the door and I closed down my laptop. All through dinner I couldn't help but think of what I was letting myself in for later that night. Were my exhibitionist tendencies getting the better of me? Did I really plan to go through with it? I wasn't exactly having doubts as such, more sort of making sure I was doing it for the right reasons. Not sure what those reasons were which is why it was starting to feel a little weird. Considering all of my experiences over the last 18months I liked to think I was a little bolder with my decisions, that I was more confident with the knowledge that people found me attractive and sexy. But that niggling feeling in the back of my mind wouldn't go away. It was the nerves that got to me. It was almost the same feeling as the first time I stripped naked in front of Karen in my sisters bedroom. I had slowly come to realise that I liked to be watched. I liked the sexy feeling from someone watching me in an intimate way. Despite the nerves I always felt it was a huge rush to do such naughty things. Like the time in the cave at the water park when I masturbated and those lads watched me do it. God, I really did that didn't I? I must be a nutcase! Back to the good stuff! After dinner we sat and watched TV although I wasn't all that talkative, I kept thinking about FunD1VA and what I was planning to do later on. Was I really going to go through with it? Occasionally Mum or Dad would ask me something and I kept having to say "What?" all the time. Eventually Janine announced she was going to bed, I followed suit saying I wanted to rest my leg, it had been long day and all that. In my bedroom I sat and read my book for a while, trying to ignore the fact that I was going to meet up with FunD1VA very soon and she was going to see me nude. All these thoughts just kept buzzing around in my head, silly things like: Am I going to strip naked for someone I hardly know? Am I ready to do something like that? What if I screw it up? What if FunD1VA thinks I'm weird or something? What if she laughs at me!! In the end I realised the only way to find out was to turn on, log in and find out how far I would go. I propped open my laptop at the end of the bed, hooked the web cam on the top of the screen then booted up and logged in. She was already online, waiting for me. Was I being too presumptuous? It seems really weird to think like this after the strange shit I have done just lately. She was already logged in and waiting for me when I signed into MSN. She requested video chat and I agreed although I was disappointed to see she was dressed and not naked and ready. Part of me was relieved though. FunD1VA says: thought you'd never come on! Haley says: sorry, was a bit busy. FunD1VA says: no problem, at least you're here now FunD1VA waved her hands in the air as if to shrug and let me know it was ok. Once again there was little light in here room, just a single spotlight above her, the rest of the room was in total darkness. And once again I couldn't see her face, for some reason that bothered me a little, I would love to have seen her smiling at me. Haley says: I'm actually quite nervous, sorry FunD1VA says: don't worry about it, you'll get the hang of it, if you really want to do this, no pressure Haley says: I think I do, I mean it's only fair really right? FunD1VA says: fair is fair. I would love to see your bod. Great, no pressure then! I was so tempted to just log out and forget the entire thing. What the hell was I thinking? This wasn't me at all. I mean my first time with Karen was totally different, we knew each other. But this...oh man! Haley says: okay. Lets do it. FunD1VA says: lets get you naked and horny then! I hesitated. Did she just mean me? I was going to strip all on my own? Oh fuck me, this was a joke! Haley says: where do we start? I'm new at all this stuff. FunD1VA says: we take turns to strip. You go first. I hesitated then leaned back and pulled my t-shirt over my head. It was so very weird watching myself strip on the screen. I had both mine and FunD1VA's video boxes next to each other and chat box underneath. We looked very different, my room was all lit up, I could see my bed behind me and the window and shelves on the wall, but FunD1VA – I couldn't see a thing other than her. Strange. FunD1VA says: there you go, its not that hard really Haley says: see what you mean, your turn. FunD1VA shuffled in her chair and unbuttoned her blouse, she was wearing a deep red bra underneath. She dropped her blouse to the floor and leaned forward to type. FunD1VA says: we're up and running! Your turn, what you stripping off next? I realised I was going to be the first to be naked whatever. I stood and removed my jeans, actually enjoying watching myself on the screen. When they were gone I settled back on my bed. I sat crossed legged and stared at the screen. Haley says: I only have my bra and knickers left now! We stripped right down to nothing. FunD1VA upstaged me by revealing matching underwear whilst my white bra didn't match my blue knickers. Oh well. It was strange to watch my own body on the screen, and very exciting too. It's hard to describe how I felt, part of me was so nervous, another part was incredibly aroused. FunD1VA says: you have a great body, Haley. Really sexy. Haley says: thank you. Love your body too. so what do we do now? FunD1VA says: lets fuck ourselves silly! I'm so horny looking at your body I just want to finger myself, do the same as me I watched FunD1VA rub her fingers over the lips of her fanny before sliding them inside. I was astonished once again at her brazen sexual appetite. I did as she suggested and followed her actions, my own fingers slipping between my legs. I shifted about a little, placing my legs on either side of the laptop, and propped myself up on my pillows. I was actually finger fucking myself for another girl over the internet! I couldn't believe it, and I still can't even as I write this! To be honest it was all kind of short lived. I was on fire, my entire nervous system must have been one big erogenous zone. My skin tingled everywhere and I know I was panting and groaning, I just hope no one heard me making too much noise! Eventually I managed to slow down just enough to tell FunD1VA that I was going to reach my orgasm. My text was all over the place, I was shaking and panting and desperate to climax. FunD1VA came back and said she was there as well. I watched as FunD1VA's body tensed as she came, and that tipped me over the edge. I let out a huge deep groan and let my body be consumed by my own orgasm. The energy seemed to drain out of me and I dropped on the bed like a dead weight. When I finally looked back at the screen I couldn't believe how red my face was! It was like a beetroot! I admit that I did feel a bit silly afterwards, sort of awkward and for some reason quite shy. I pulled on my t-shirt and apologised for being so silly. FunD1VA was still lounging naked in her chair, her skin bathed in a film of sweat that glistened under the spotlight. FunD1VA says: babe, that was awesome! I loved watching you cum! Haley says: it was amazing, I almost passed out for a second! FunD1VA says: you were hot! HOT!! I was flattered! Other than Karen, FunD1VA was the only girl to say that to me! I started to feel horny again like I wanted to do more but I was also tired, my leg was aching and I needed some sleep. We said our goodbyes and agreed to meet up and cam again soon. I powered down and climbed under my duvet. I was still hot and ended up dumping the duvet on the floor, and later on my t-shirt ended up there also. Friday June 17 Not got much time right now. Meeting Karen for lunch. Just wanted to say that last night was just so bizarre and so horny! Have I said that yet? I think so! When I woke up this morning Janine was coming into my room with a plate of toast and some post. She placed them by my bed and parted my curtains a little to let the sun in. "You look very relaxed," she observed. "All sleepy and pleased with yourself." "I guess I am pleased with myself," I said after a moments thought. Janine sat on the end of my bed. "Well at least one of us is getting some." I frowned. "Some what?" "Jesus Haley, I thought you were supposed to be smart!" It took a moment for the penny to drop then my mouth hung open. How could she know? Did I still have a post orgasmic glow about me even after a nights sleep? "I haven't had any...of that," I stammered. "Oh really?" she said with a smile on her face. She pointed to the bed sheet. I glanced down and realised 3 things in one go. First, I was laying naked on my bed, Second, Janine had been in my room for almost 5 minutes checking out my body. And Third, the sheet on the bed was stained. Not a nice image to conjure up I'll admit, and no I hadn't wet myself either. The stain was an obvious sign that I had leaked rather a lot of orgasmic fluid. I started to say something but Janine held her hands up and stepped away. "Just making an observation," she said as I covered up. "What are you doing? It's not like I didn't see it las...before." That said she skipped out of the room. I lay there confused and worried. I was running the last few words in my head. She said "LAST" didn't she? Last what? Last time? When we were on holiday? No, that didn't make any sense. Last what? I should have asked her. Fuck. Well it's game on! Had a lovely lunch with Karen. Out in the sunshine, slight breeze, just peaceful and beautiful. I got back home and decided to check my emails. FunD1VA was logged in but set to Busy. I sent emails to college friends and was about to close the laptop lid when FunD1VA message box pops up. FunD1VA says: heya babe! not out in this gorgus sunshine? Haley says: been out, think i burnt my face. really is roasting. FunD1VA says: yeah! got red shoulders myself. what u up to later? Haley says: dunno. why, got something on your mind? I knew what she wanted to do. I was still like a kid with a new toy and still found it all intensly fascinating. FunD1VA says: i have a burning desire! Haley says: me too! I can't wait to see you again! FunD1VA says: me neither, last time was so cool!!!! you're broke your video-sex-cherry! I laughed at this. She was right. I had felt so nervous, just like that day when I found Karen naked in front of Janine's pc. God that seems so long ago now. Haley says: maybe i'll be a bit more relaxed next time. i hope. FunD1VA says: you be fine babe! what time then? midnight? the sexy hour! I ran a quick diary check through my mind. Mum and Dad were out at their friends, Janine was supposed to be dog sitting for this posh family out in the wilderness somewhere. I didn't bother asking details, she's really annoying me at the moment. So I had the house pretty much to myself. Haley says: midnight it is! can't wait! FunD1VA says: uber cool babe! am already wet thinking about it! Sometimes I can't get my head around how sex obsessed I must appear. But it's not like that at all. I mean out of the entire day I'll spend maybe 1 hour pleasuring myself. That's not obsessed. But now and then I stop and wonder if other people are just like me – taking pleasure in their bodies and enjoying one of life's simple thrills. I don't know. I suddenly remembered Karen asking about joining the show. I had promised to ask FunD1VA before Karen just appeared. Haley says: how do you feel about a friend joining us? There was a minute of silence. I figured I'd pushed it too far. Maybe FunD1VA only wanted a one on one thing, any more would be too much of an invasion of privacy. I wondered suddenly FunD1VA had yet to show her face. So far she had kept it out of shot, not that it bothered me really but it now seemed a bit strange that i never saw anything above her neck. Especially when I hadn't bothered to restrict what I had shown FunD1VA at all, body face and everything. Eventually she answered. FunD1VA says: like a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Haley says: girlfriend God that felt weird! I don't think I had actually used that term in the real sense about Karen. It felt good. FunD1VA says: does she know what we've done? I said yes and she seemed ok with it, not thrilled as I would have liked. It's hard to tell from text alone but it seemed she was intrigued yet apprehensive about the idea. I tried to sell it a bit, saying it would be like we're putting on a show for her, double the fun, our very first threesome-video-fuck-session! I'm not sure she bought into it but I guess we'll find out. I called Karen when FunD1VA left the conversation. She was thrilled! Almost squealed down the phone at me! At least someone was happy about the idea. Then I realised that I wasn't that happy. I was anxious about it too. After all this was new territory for me. Would FunD1VA like what she saw with me and Karen getting each other off? Would Karen like watching FunD1VA pleasuring herself? And then to make things worse Karen said something that stopped my breath. "Remember that package I had sent to you?" she asked. I could barely answer. I remembered where I hidden it. "We'll get that out tonight and really show your internet friend how to get off!" Karen was so taken with the idea of performing for a stranger that I din't have a chance to get a word in edgeways. Something doesn't feel 100% right for me and I don't know why. Nerves maybe. I feel as if something stupid is going to happen. I can't explain how I feel what I feel. I just do. Mum has just stuck her head in my room. They're off to their friends for the evening. There's pizza in the fridge and a tub of Phish Food. Yum. I'll have to get moving now, need to get in the shower, shave my various areas so I'm clean and smelling nice. A huge pat of me is looking forward to the evening but it's that teeny tiny part of doubt/fear/anxiety etc that I seem to hear more. Just need to remember that it will all work itself out in the end. I hope. -------------- It's been a long time since I posted my last diary entry. I've had a lot of emails and messages which I will do my best to reply to. Thank you to everyone who had contacted me, I really do appreciate it. I have been away for a while, staying with family abroad. Now I'm back and writing again! Hope to have more for you to read soon! Haley. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 10 I'm here at last. It's taken a lot of time and effort to copy this last set of diary extracts onto my laptop. It seems so long ago when I first submitted my very first diary to Literotica. Life sure has a way of showing you strange and wondrous things doesn't it! I never thought I would experience the intimate pleasures of another girls body, or fall so in love with her either. This does seem a bit like an ending but it really isn't, think of it more like the end of the start. I have so much more to write about and not just about my personal life. I've been busy writing some steamy erotic tales which I'll be posting soon. There's always room for a little bit more isn't there? Before we get into any of that there is the small matter of the erotic online video sex threesome adventure I have yet to complete. -x-x-x- As usual it's the morning after the night before... ...or more precisely it's the evening after the night/morning/afternoon. It's almost 5pm now and I'm alone with my thoughts. Mum tells me I over analyse things, but I just like to pause and mull things over, let the recent events be given a second glance, like rewinding a film a little way and watching it again. I'm in the back garden, got me an ice cold coke and the warmth from the sun is just right. I'm trying to think of the best words and how best to start getting down what happened last night. Okay, here we go. Last night... Mum and Dad left early. Janine was getting ready to go dog-sitting for this rich family out in the countryside. I had time to get in the shower and make myself fresh and ready for the evening. I took some time over my evening preparations. I wanted to be as relaxed as possible after feeling so anxious and overly worried before. I have been reading a bit about relaxation techniques and meditation, not much so I think I'm a master or anything! But the book I got read very well and I was in the right frame of mind to try out some of the exercises. So after choosing my outfit for the evening, a nice white cotton skirt, light and easy to wear as it was very humid. And a loose vest top to go with it, light pink actually. I laid them out on my chair and undressed. I showered, first hot and steamy, lathering a lot of soap all over my skin and really giving my hair a good clean. I shaved my legs and arms and groomed my pubes. Then I cooled the water right down and danced around under the shower head, that was so refreshing! Like washing all the dirt and sweat of the long day down the plug hole. I gave my hair a brief towelling then combed it through. I rubbed moisturiser all over my body and strolled back to my room without a towel around me. It felt nice not to be rushing out of the so someone else can dash in quickly. From Janine's room I could hear the unmistable sound of a Star Wars battle. In my room I sat naked on my bed. I crossed my legs and closed my eyes. Remembering what the book said I concentrated on my breathing, feeling and enjoying it flow into my body and out again. Breathing in positive energy and breathing out any negativity, worry, doubts and fears. I don't know if I was having a spiritual experience or anything quite that deep but I certainly felt better for having done that simple exercise. I felt calm and relaxed, felt no stress or anything negative. Serene you could say is how I felt, and happy. I knew what I had planned that evening and was looking forward to it instead of worrying if I had done the right thing. I opened my eyes to see Janine's face frowning at me from the open doorway. "What are you doing?" she asked with a mocking tone. She looked me up and down. I was still naked and didn't care. "You look so silly." I didn't rise to her jibe. "It's a relaxation technique," I said quietly. The peaceful sensation hadn't been pushed aside for anger and I smiled at that. "What do you want Janine?" "Just telling you I'm off to the rich dog house," she replied. "Back tomorrow evening sometime." We stared at each other for a moment. I didn't care that she was openly looking at my naked body. I noticed that she had a new tattoo on her shoulder, a small grey/blue teddy bear hanging from a green balloon. A huge improvement on the nasty black Chinese dragon she had on the back of her left calf, that was just ugly. "Like it?" she asked picking up on my interest and pulling aside the strap of her bra a fraction. "Yeah," I said. I actually did. "It's kinda cute. Different." "Thanks," she replied. "See ya." When she was gone I took a deep cleansing breath, in with positive energy and out with negativity. I dressed with ease, no rush like the usual morning dash around to get out of the door. I enjoyed sliding into my flowing comfortable clothes. At the back of my cupboard I found the cardboard box. I placed it on my bedside table and left it alone. I didn't open it. I powered up my laptop and placed it on the top of the wicker laundry basket at the foot of my bed. I took the webcam and clipped it to the top of the screen. After that I changed the sheets on my bed, fluffed up the pillows then headed downstairs and made a sandwich. -x-x-x- It was just before 11pm when Karen showed up. As soon as I opened the door she flung her arms around me and kissed me deep and hard. I gulped back my breath and saw how excited she was. In the kitchen we made cocktails in tall glasses, complete with crushed ice and umbrellas! I knew Karen couldn't stand the wait so I asked her to introduce me properly to the box of toys I had stashed in my room for what seemed like an eternity. With a huge grin Karen grabbed her drink in one hand, my hand in the other and all but dragged me upstairs. We decided to be ready and waiting for when FunD1VA logged in. In the meantime Karen opened the box and poured the contents on the bed. Just like before I had no idea where to begin or how to handle any of them. It seemed there was always some new area of life to explore when I'm with Karen, but I wasn't complaining! "This mini one is your mobile pocket rocket," Karen told me. She held up the slim Lady Finger model. "Easy to slip in your handbag, discreetly hides in your luggage for holidays and is good for that quick release when you need it." She twisted the end. It hummed gently and she passed it to me. I held it like it was a delicate flower and Karen burst out laughing. I rolled my eyes and dropped it on the duvet. The next thing she picked up was the realistic dong, pink and semi-translucent, and wobbly yet stiff. Very weird. She wagged it in the air, letting it flop about. "This one is best used by someone else on you," Karen told me. "It's for when you really need to feel filled up. Soft enough to be graceful but just solid to give you a good deep penetrated feeling." She dropped it in my hand. It was heavy. I raised a brow at Karen who gave me a wicked smile before turning her attention to the double ended dildo. This was virtually the same as the big dong but with 2 ends. I wasn't sure about any of these things, after all I didn't get how they could be better than my own hands and fingers. "Trust me, this is just as good," Karen said. She gave the double ended a lick. "I've seen plenty of movies online where the girls go nuts when they have this inside them." I took her word for it. I wasn't convinced but I kept that to myself for the time being. We joked about the handcuffs although I was quite intrigued by them, the idea of giving up control to someone gave me a thrill. Likewise the thought of trapping Karen and teasing her for hours before giving her the orgasm of her life was hugely arousing. The scented massage oils were the most interesting so far. They smelled very romantic and had a silky luxurious touch when I placed a bead of the oil on my finger tip and smoothed it about. I very much wanted to try them out on Karen but before I could speak FunD1VA binged into MSN. I was on the verge of logging out but knew Karen needed to do this and after all I had done she deserved to see what was going on without her. FunD1VA says: hey babe, u must be eager or something, you early Haley says: hiya, yeah likewise, you must be horny then FunD1VA says: i am very, shall we get this show started? i need to cum so bad. show me your gawjus bod. Karen and I had already discussed how we were going to do this and hadn't really come up with a good plan. To me it felt a bit contrived, like a rehearsed theatre performance. I just preferred to let the mood flow, see what happened when it happened. We streamed video and I clicked around MSN to maximise video and text windows. FunD1VA's cam was dark, I could see some flickering of shadow but not much. "Where is she?" Karen asked peering at the screen of my laptop. I shrugged. We could hear something through the speakers and I realised that FunD1VA was trying to get her mic to work. We saw fingertips blur in front of the camera and a high pitched whistle that made us cringe. FunD1VA says: sorry, trying to get my mic on. Haley says: no problem. Wonder if I can get mine to work. I checked through some of the settings and the mic was on. "Am I on?" I asked. "Can you hear me?" "Loud and clear." FunD1VA sounded strange, like she was talking underwater, it was a little muted and sounded squashed. "You sound funny," Karen said. "I'm using a voice changer," FunD1VA said. "Like I said before I prefer to keep some part of my private...Haley is that your friend?" "Yes, this is Karen." I nudged Karen. "Hi, nice to meet you. Kind of." "Hi." I clicked the mute button. "Well I can't see her can I?" Karen said when I glared at her. "I'm not going to lie to someone I can't see and don't even know." I unmated. "All in the dark tonight then?" I asked. It felt strange just sitting on my bed talking instead of hovering my hand over the keyboard. We could both hear things moving in the background. Something dropped on the floor near the camera with a thud and there was an unmistakable sound of a chair being dragged across a stone floor. "Sorry," FunD1VA said after a minute. "Should have got prepared really." I'm in my kitchen tonight, my bedroom is being decorated." Karen muted. "Some story. Bet she just wants to perve at us." I stifled a giggle and unmated. "No worries. We're happy to wait." A table spot light to FunD1VA's left illuminated her body suddenly. We watched the screen intently. She was wearing a bath robe and had one leg tucked under the other. Like always her face was just out of sight so we could only see her body. "Finally," she said and took a deep breath. She sipped from a glass. "You're friend is cute." "I know. Thank you." "Well I've just got out of the shower and only have one thing to remove," FunD1VA said. "So anytime you want to catch up...." Without saying anymore she pulled open the bathrobe, pulled her arms through the sleeves and slouched back in the chair, one leg draped over the arm, her hands cupping her breasts playfully. -x-x-x- "She doesn't hang about does she?" Karen said. "No," I chuckled. "Remember she can hear us." "Oh," Karen said. It was her turn to blush. "Sorry. I'm new to this stuff. Feels a bit mental talking to a screen." "You get used to it," FunD1VA said. Karen wasn't going to turn her eyes away from the screen anytime soon so I began undressing her. I unbuttoned her shirt and she let me drag it away from her body. She was enthralled watched FunD1VA smooth her hands all over her body. I managed to get Karen down to her bra and knickers (panties once again for the American folks amongst the readership!) much to the pleasure of FunD1VA who purred throughout the show. "That's hot," she said. "You can't keep your eyes off me can you? That's so sexy. I love it. But poor Haley is still completely dressed." "Don't worry about me," I said. It took about 20 seconds to slide out of my gossamer like clothing. My flowing skirt and top fell to the floor and I joined Karen on the bed. Unlike Karen I was actually naked. I felt a bit silly sitting there nude with 2 other girls. Karen finally managed to tear herself away from the screen and slowly undid her bra and pushed her knickers down her legs. All at once I felt the emotions of that day when I was first intimate with Karen. The events came flooding back like intense déjà vu. "All naked together," FunD1VA said. We watched her toying with her stiff nipples. "Were shall we start then?" She pinched her nipples between her fingers. "Watch me. Get those juices flowing. I'll be your very own personal porno." FunD1VA raised her other leg and cocked it over the other arm of the chair. Her body was completely exposed to us. Naked and unashamed. The exhibitionist in me loved the show of confidence and brashness. FunD1VA didn't care what we thought, she was horny and ready to do what she needed to get a maximum thrill from the evening. She placed her hands between her legs and with flat palms dragged them up over her fanny, over her pubes and stomach and gripping her breasts. She moaned and pushed them back down again to repeat the process. When she reached her breasts the second time she cupped them, arching her back and leaning forward closer to the camera. Her fingers pinched and played with her nipples and she groaned deeply. "Damn," Karen said, her voice a husky whisper. "I know," I replied, my own voice equally bereft of power. "I'm going to fuck myself for you two," FunD1VA said. I was suddenly hungry for Karen's touch. I grabbed her head and kissed her hard. She responded instantly, her hands gripping my breasts as our tongues clashed with fiery passion that had flared up out of nowhere. "Oh yes," FunD1VA responded. "You two are hotties!" We paused for a split second to see FunD1VA open her thighs. Her hands reached down between her legs then up over her stomach to her chest and back again. I dropped my head to Karen's chest, taking each of her nipples in my mouth, sucking them hard, flicking my tongue over them like a snake raking in the smell from the air. When we pulled apart Karen pushed me back onto the bed. Her hands holding my boobs so she could kiss and lick her way around and around until she reached my stiff aching nipples. The sensation of her wet lips as she locked onto my hard nubs was nerve jangling. One after the other she sucked them up into her mouth, her hot tongue washing over them in long slow circles. My body was alive as my nerves sprang to attention like a panting dog. I could hear FunD1VA moaning. "The most beautiful sight in the world is right there." I raised myself up and rolled Karen onto her back. It was my turn to explore. I kissed and licked every part of hey body, working my way down between her legs. Before I got there I could smell her juices, sweet and musky, the heat of vulva was intense and she shivered fiercely when I dragged my tongue upward between her fanny lips. "Pleasure her," FunD1VA said. "Let her feel your desire, let it flow over her like a waterfall." I was so aroused I was tingling all over. Karen was panting heavily, and I knew she was in the zone like I was, a hot erotic zone where only pleasure and ecstasy existed or even mattered. I lifted Karen's legs up, put my hands on the back of her calves and pushed so her legs were above her body and she fully exposed to me. Keeping my hands on her thighs I dove on her. My tongue slithered over the cheeks of her bottom, working slowly inward. Her juices were starting to flow and I lapped them up eagerly. I tongued steadily over her arsehole, Karen shook at the new attention, and I moved on, enjoying the sensation of smooth skin between her arsehole and the engorged lips of her fanny. I delved between them, her juices tasted insanely wonderful and became stronger as I approached her delightfully hot and wet vagina. Karen let out a long drawn out moan when my tongue pushed inside her. I used it like I would my fingers, probing inside and then out again in a slow steady motion. "Send her to heaven," FunD1VA said. She was panting too, although I couldn't see her I knew she was pleasuring herself. -x-x-x- With one hand I spread Karen's lips and licked her again. I pushed myself forward and down, my weight keeping her legs in place. I was building up my speed, my tongue slapping over her lips, sucking them gently into my mouth making Karen moan and groan. I was timing my final attack, my tongue was making way for the last boost that would send Karen into orgasmic orbit. "She's there," FunD1VA said. "She's so beautiful. I wish I was there with you." Karen shuddered and trembled as if she was having a fit. That was my cue. I moved and took her clit between my lips and flicked it hard with the tip of my tongue. Karen almost exploded. She jolted and I had to steady us both before we rolled off the bed. Inside her I pushed a finger and felt her trembling muscles grip it like a newborn baby holding a mothers finger. I continued to lick, kiss, suck and pleasure her clit like my life depended on it. Karen's body shook and jumped, her breath was ragged and hoarse, so much so she couldn't form words. "Make her cum," FunD1VA said. "I'm so close. I want to see you make her cum. Do it Haley! I'm almost there..." Karen bellowed something that didn't make any sense. Her vagina gripped my finger very tight. I sucked her clit into my mouth hard as her entire body tensed up, shaking and shuddering as her orgasm hit her long and hard. "That's it!" FunD1VA said and made a load groan. "She's there!" With a final jolt Karen collapsed. I slid away and dropped onto the bed beside her. Her legs flopped down heavily and we lay there catching our breath. No one spoke for a long time. Not even FunD1VA. The only sound was that of panting, breathing becoming calm and regular. It was several minutes before Karen spoke. "Oh. My. God." I smiled to myself. If only she realised that even though I had not climaxed I had enjoyed it equally. The passion was much more intense than it had been before and I didn't know if that was because of FunD1VA's influence or what. All I know is that I loved the intense emotions and wanted more. I glanced at the laptop. FunD1VA was lounging back in her chair. She was smoking a cigarette and relaxing. "You girls play. If you don't mind I'll sit this one out and watch." Karen sat up. "I have an idea," she said and handed me one the bottle of massage oil. "Up for it?" "Slow and sensuous?" I asked. Karen nodded. "Yes," she agreed. "Slow and romantic." -x-x-x- We moved together on the bed, without words, without instruction. We sat a foot apart, my legs draped over hers. We smiled at each other and kissed gently, more relaxed now than before. The passion was there, bubbling away under the surface like a pulse, but it had changed from fast and furious urges to slow and tender romantic intimacy. I followed Karen and into my hand I poured a tiny pool of massage oil and coated my fingers. Our hands met each other's bodies at the same time. I cupped Karen's boobs, smoothing oil over them, rubbing my thumbs deftly over her nipples, enjoying them stiffen under my touch. In turn she massaged mine, her fingers pressing against my skin with just enough pressure to awaken my nerves. It felt like hours had passed as we rubbed oils into each other's skin. Our kisses were tender and soft. Even the smallest sensation of her breath against my lips and face gave me a thrill, what had seemed like such tiny details any other time became intense physical pleasures coupled with surges of emotions and deep feelings. Thinking back I can capture everything when I shut my eyes and yet I find it hard to put into words how deeply connected we felt. I say we because I know Karen felt the exact same way, don't ask me how but I do. My hand reached down and cupped her fanny, she gasped lightly and smiled. With one finger pressed between my breasts she softly eased me away from her. Exploring My Bisexuality Ch. 10 I arched my back, pushing my boobs out toward her. Her hands wondered over my body. With one hand she reached between my legs and lifted, I followed her gesture and raised my bottom slightly, supporting myself on my hands and feet. I felt as if I were offering myself to her, exposing my body to her. I felt cool air on my fanny a second before her hand smoothed over it, her finger tips dipping momentarily inside my wet hole before they pushed firmly against my clit. I felt a loss when she removed her hands and a slight fear when I saw what she was reaching for behind her back. I admit I had been apprehensive about the toys. Even as Karen licked the tip of the doubled ended dildo I felt concern. The problem was that even though Karen and I had done so much together I had still not yet had the pleasure of an actual penis or anything resembling one inside me, or near me for that matter. I didn't know what to expect or how it would feel, and I know experience should tell me that it would probably be fantastic, the doubts would not shift so easily. Karen slid the dildo over her breasts then over mine. "Relax," she breathed. "Enjoy it." The dildo made a trail down my stomach, through my pubic strip and between my lips. It was a strange feeling, not bad at all, and very different from fingers, it felt large and obtrusive, larger than it really was. Like when you get something stuck between your teeth that drives you nuts and you finally floss it out the thing is tiny! Karen eased the dildo down between my wet lips and then took it to her mouth. She gave it another lick and took the end in her mouth and sucked it like a lollipop. With a smile she did the same thing to her, the end dipping between her lips, her eyes slightly hooded as the sensation flowed through her body. She raised the dildo to my mouth and I licked it again. She pushed it more firmly at me and I resisted for a second before opening and taking the head between my lips and sucking her juices from it. I knew what was coming. She was going to push it inside me. I couldn't exactly back out, that would seem childish and insulting to Karen for not trusting her. Part of my sane brain raged against doing something I didn't want to, and another part, the adventurous wild exhibitionist in me scoffed at how foolish I was behaving over something that was going to be intensely pleasurable. I think Karen could see the struggle on my face. As she nudged the head of the dildo between my fanny lips, driving wave of electric loveliness through my body, she frowned a little and leaned forward. I lowered myself down, my legs were starting to hurt. Her mouth came to my ear, her breath tingling on my skin. "Do you trust me?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. I could hardly speak. "Slow and romantic," she replied. "It will feel amazing." I nodded and she kissed my neck. Karen placed a pillow under my bottom so I wouldn't have to raise myself up on my legs. She spent a long time teasing me with the dildo, easing it up and down my slit, nudging it against my vagina, probing it inside just a fraction before sliding it back up and across my clit. Each time it entered me I felt the pleasure increase. After a time Karen had the life like head of the dildo inside me while she used her other hand to rub my clit. I was enjoying the sensation after all. Karen eyes were locked onto mine, never moved, never wavered once. I was electric. Every nerve on my body was jumping up and down, the tingles from my clit were scrambling up and down my spine. "I want to feel it inside me," I said, my voice low and breathless. "Are you ready?" Karen asked. "Yes, fuck me with it," I responded without hesitation. Karen smiled. She gestured for me to raise up and I did. She pushed the pillow out of the way and held the dildo carefully in both hands. "Lower yourself onto it." Ever so slowly I moved my pelvis down feeling the head of the dildo ease past my engorged fanny lips and then inside me. I waited a second to get accustomed to the feeling again and then continued. It was a sensation all on its own, nothing else is like it. Slow I eased myself down, loving the dildo travelling inside me, the new sensation was a massive rush for me, each tiny adjustment sent wave after wave of nerve smacking pleasure out away from my fanny across my body. I came to a stop when Karen push her hand against me. She flicked her eyes down. I followed them, looking down between my legs at the truly amazing sight of half the dildo sticking out of me! I had actually taken in about 8 or 9 inches of the double ended dildo! With great effort I lifted myself up, and closed my eyes as a new set of thrills rushed through my body. I spent a while fucking myself with the dildo, not fast but slowly and gently. I was aware of Karen's patience and I wanted to share this wonderful feeling with her. I rested down on the bed, leaving half the dildo inside me and I motioned for her to join me, to impale herself on the other half. Karen didn't wait for another request. She shuffled closer to me, the dildo slipping between her soaking wet lips with ease. She panted and gasped as it entered her and finally we were sat close together. I kissed her then, my tongue teasing hers, a long delicate kiss that contained such passion and excitement that I have ever known. "Make love to me," I whispered into her mouth. "Make love to each other," Karen replied. With our arms wrapped around each other, hugging tightly, we thrust our hips back and forth in a slow rhythm. I swear I nearly passed out at one point, the sensation that rippled through my nerves was more intense that anything I had ever felt. I wanted to melt into Karen, fold myself up and merge with her. There was something more than physical pleasure going on, something spiritual maybe, I don't know. I don't buy into all that stuff but it was such an intense, deep feeling that I can't describe it any other way. Our orgasms hit us at the exact same time. We let them cascade over us as we hugged each other tightly. This was more than lust, more than physical desire, more than love and passion. It was an indescribable event. It was pure beautiful heaven. By the time it was over we were both crying. Sobbing and clinging to each other, our breath ragged and our bodies sweaty and trembling. I don't remember the dildo leaving my body or how we ended up laying next to each other on the bed. It was dark when I opened my eyes. The light had been turned off, so had the laptop. I stretched out a hand and felt panic for a second. I touched Karen's stomach and sighed. She was still there. We were together. I closed my eyes and slept. -x-x-x- A few weeks later I was in the kitchen... ...listening to Janine drone on about some really interesting exciting thing that happened to her on the internet, and I realised that my sister is a bit of a nerd. I love her dearly but she seems so wrapped up in her virtual life. She plays a lot of online games too. I wasn't really paying attention but my brain zoned in on one key sentence. In between her dull comment about a Scrubs episode and a comment about a weird midget porno someone had emailed her, she mentioned something about watching "these two Lesbos doing each other with a pink double ended dildo" and how it was just so cool watching them go at it. I froze on my stool. Pieces of an unsolvable jigsaw puzzle began to rapidly slot themselves together. Janine's apparent obsession with me, the times she had been in the bathroom with me when I had my broken leg. The strange comments, the way she always seemed to be absent when FunD1VA was online. It was like the Superman/Clark Kent Conspiracy. Could it be that Janine was FunD1VA? Like when I found out it was Janine I had been intimate with in the closet I suddenly felt sick. I know I had managed to get over what had happened between us at the party, hell we even shared an intimate moment on holiday, but this was so much worse for me. Was she that sick and twisted. I was suddenly very worried. Wasn't that the behaviour of an extremely disturbed person? She needed to get some help, counselling or something. I had to wait 3 agonizingly long hours for Janine to leave the house and go shopping so I could sneak into her room. I don't know what I expected to find in there. Her laptop was lying on her bed. I powered it up but couldn't do anything without a password. I was getting more stressed by the second. I could called Karen and ask her what to do. No. I needed to figure this out myself and then confront Janine about it. Get it out in the open once and for all. I admit I was pretty frantic, searching for any clue that would reveal the connection between her and FunD1VA. I snatched open her wardrobe doors, flinging clothes aside, staring around looking for evidence. There was nothing there. I was angry and felt sick that I had been fooled so much. Was Karen in on it? In it together for kicks? Maybe even right from the start. No. I couldn't think like that. It wasn't going to get me anywhere. I was racked with sudden guilt for considering Karen would betray me in that way. I had to stop and get a grip. I was getting worked up over nothing more than a flippant comment. After all there are probably plenty of lesbian movies online with pink double ended dildos in them. I was paranoid, that's all. Maybe it was me who needed the help. Halfway across her bedroom I stopped and turned. I went back to her wardrobe and looked down. Nestled amongst the shoe boxes was a split cable attached a webcam. I picked it up and examined it. It looked like the cable had got caught up in something and shredded it. The internal wires were cut and poking through the cable sheath. Her webcam was broken. My breath caught in my throat. That meant she can't have been FunD1VA. I hoped, I really did, but I needed proof. A few days later I offered to swap some music files with Janine. We sat at the dining room table discussing which MP3's we wanted from each other's playlists. I made sure we sat opposite each other so I could log into MSN. I waited and waited but FunD1VA didn't log in. I had purposely arranged our meeting to be as late as possible as I knew FunD1VA didn't show up until later in the evening and it was now 11pm. I was getting panicky again. This could mean that Janine was FunD1VA after all and just had a second webcam secreted elsewhere. We had finished swapping files and about to shut down when the little box appeared above the clock. FunD1VA was online. I didn't stop to think. I told Janine to hang on and went to her side of the table, pretending to want to see a movies file she had. There was no MSN open on her laptop!! She was not FunD1VA!! I was over the moon! I gave my sister a hug and skipped up to my bedroom with my laptop tucked under my arm. -x-x-x- Times change - people change. I've only has webcam sex once since the night Karen and I shared ourselves with FunD1VA. It was several few months after that special night and close to Christmas. FunD1VA asked if I would join her and her friend for a show. We hadn't spoken in months and out of the blue this request took me by surprise. I agreed and told her things were different now, I couldn't explain what had changed but I was 100% devoted to Karen in every way. FunD1VA said she understood and told me this would be something special and I would not be expected to join them in any way. I could just watch. I was intrigued and agreed the time and date. The next evening, I had my webcam on, was logged into MSN and waited for FunD1VA. For the first time ever she was late logging in. This must be special I mused. She was in her comfy chair in her bedroom, bright lights illuminated her as usual. No face as usual. I couldn't see what was so special. FunD1VA says: heya babe, sorry I'm late. Bet you thought i wasn't coming? Haley says: it crossed my mind FunD1VA says: been kinda busy, you'll see why in a sec I sighed. I wasn't really that interested. The temptation to just log out and block FunD1VA from my Messenger friends list was quite high. But I couldn't be rude to someone who was clearly excited about something. Just wished she would get it over and done with. Haley says: so what's the big surprise? FunD1VA says: i've met someone. Haley says: yes I know. you told me that. FunD1VA says: we've been seeing each other for a few weeks now. We met at a nightclub and just connected immediately. I was happy for her but why did she have to share this news with me? Surely there were more important people in her life to tell? Haley says: i'm happy for you. truly am. FunD1VA says: and i wanted to share this with you after you and your friend were kind enough to share your body with me Haley says: you don't have to do that. it was a special time, i didn't expect anything in return. I dreaded to think what she had in store for me. Considering I didn't really know much about her she could be about to do anything strange and freaky and I would have no choice but to power down instantly. FunD1VA says: consider it a parting farewell gift. we don't chat with each other much these days and i wanted to catch you while i had the chance. i know you have your own life now and i am pleased for you. i wish you happiness in whatever you do. That was really nice of her. I was touched by her kind words. Haley says: thank you, that means a lot to me. FunD1VA says: for all that you have given me, this is for you. FunD1VA undressed, pulling off her clothes until she was naked. My eyes roamed over her body, pausing to note that where she had once been waxed smooth a dark patch of hair now nestled between her legs. She sat back in her chair, her legs crossed, arms roaming over her skin. That seemed to be her signature move after undressing. I watched with keen eyes, not with the same awe struck shock and arousal as I had the first time. I couldn't quite understand why this was such a big deal, there was no else there with her that I could see. FunD1VA says: would you like to see my friend, Jay? Haley says: sure, go for it. It was a girl who walked over to FunD1VA and like FunD1VA she hid her face from view. FunD1VA stood and began to undress her new friend, Jay. I couldn't see their faces but it obvious they were kissing. They were clearly enjoying the process of revealing themselves for the my viewing pleasure. When Jay was fully undressed FunD1VA sat back in her chair and Jay sat in her lap. She leaned back and FunD1VA wrapped her arms around her, holding her breasts in her hands, fingers toying casually with her nipples. Jay wriggled in FunD1VA's lap, twisting her head around to kiss her lover. The shadows cast by the overhead spotlight shifted across Jay's body and that was when I saw the tattoo. On Jay's shoulder was a little grey/blue teddy bear hanging from a green balloon. For some reason I smiled. I wasn't angry or upset, and strangely not that surprised. I blew them both a kiss, logged out of messenger and shut the lid on my laptop. -x-x-x- Exploring My Bisexuality They never really got to know each other, even though they shared a room, as they were so busy all the time. One night, months later, they both had to comfort the other as they both realised how worn out and close to tears they were. It was a bit cheesy with the “one thing led to another” line but the way the women described making love to her room mate was amazing. I could feel my fanny getting wet the more I read. Right up until the last line I was glued to the screen and it wasn’t until I finished that I saw that Karen was playing with herself, how long for I had no idea. I could see her left hand was moving in shadows and I figured she was still reading. I adjusted my sitting position to get a better look. Karen glanced at me so I pretended I hadn’t noticed and was still reading. When she turned back I flicked my eyes from the screen to her hand. Her thighs were parted and I could see her pubes, dark and bushy but trimmed into a neat strip. Her skin around her pubes and hips was whiter where she wasn’t tanned. Her fingers were rubbing her clit and I felt a wave of excitement rush through me. Before I had been outside the room watching my sisters best friend playing with herself but now I was right next to her! To be totally honest if I wasn’t so hung up on showing my body to Karen I would have pulled down my jeans and fingered my fanny right then. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, I was so close a few times, especially when I heard Karens breathing quicken. When she finished Karen looked over at me and caught my eye. She smiled and I smiled back. “Good stories aren’t they? Man, you look like you love it.” I realised I’d unbuttoned my shirt and had been rubbing my nipples through my bra. I gasped and removed my hand, I was so embarrassed I could have died. “It’s…it’s amazing to think women write in and tell the world what they got up in private,” I said, trying to divert attention away from my own arousal. “They do it to get a kick out of knowing someone else is getting off on reading what they did,” said Karen. “They probably also get horny just by writing down what happened. I’d love to be able to write something so horny one day wouldn’t you?” “Don’t have anything to write about,” I said. Apart from right now, I thought. “Janine will be back soon,” Karen said. I looked at the clock, it was 12:45 already. Karen sighed, she seemed to be having difficulty getting something off her chest. “Haley I did want to…you know…while she was away.” It took me a moment. Then it dawned on me. Karen had planned to get her rocks off while Janine was out and since I had been there she hadn’t been able to really get going and find release, although she had been rubbing her fanny a bit it seemed as if she wasn’t finished. “Oh god, I’m so sorry Karen. I better leave you to it and get back to my room,” I blurted out. I felt like a right dork now. “I watched…saw – I mean noticed you playing with yourself and forgot this was why you…you’re naked…well I mean I can see you’re naked but…shit, I got to get going, I’ve got something to take care of anyway so it’s fine. Really.” “I didn’t mean you had to leave.” Karen held out her hand to stop from getting up. She looked at me with a faint smile on her lips. “You could stay and…you know, instead of doing it in your bedroom.” I swear my head wasn’t screwed on properly that day. Nothing made sense until I thought about it enough. Either that or the whole situation had knocked my thought process to one side. “You’re not serious?” I asked. I must have looked horrified, I felt it. “I mean are you suggested that I stay while you…while you’re playing…” “Haley, I wasn’t planning on having you watch me or anything.” I sighed. At least that was okay, I was getting worried for a second. I relaxed and buttoned up my shirt. When I was done I noticed Karen looked puzzled. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “I thought you were going to join me,” said Karen. I was totally shocked by this. “I meant that you didn’t need to go and rub yourself off in your bedroom when you could do it here while we read more stories.” Oh crap! “Really?” I couldn’t believe what she was suggesting. She nodded. “You’d like me stay here and…while you’re doing it too?” “Sure, honey. It could bee fun. Looks like you need it big time. Remember it doesn’t make you a lezzie or anything, we’ll just be two women getting off together, nothing more. Where’s the harm?” I had to admit she had a point. It shouldn’t matter really, but it did to me. I’d never done anything like that before, only ever in my bedroom. I took a deep breath. Should I do it? Could I? “What do you think?” Karen asked. “Should I take off my clothes?” I asked. “Do whatever you feel comfortable with, Haley.” “It would only be fair,” I said. I must have been mad. I didn’t think I could go through with it but I was that type of person who had to play on even terms. “After all you’re already naked aren’t you?” “True, but that doesn’t mean you have to be,” Karen replied. She patted my knee and smiled. “It would be a treat to see your body, I admit that.” “Okay,” I said. The decision was made. I was curious. If ever there was a time to experiment this was it. “I’ll do it. I’m going to make a right fool of myself now.” “No you won’t,” said Karen. “I bet you look very sexy.” I unbuttoned my shirt, again, and I was so slow doing it, not so I could tease Karen but because I was so shy. I fumbled on all of the buttons and eventually tugged it free and pulled my arms out and laid it on the bed next to me. Bra next, Jesus I was so nervous. I reached behind me and fiddled with the clasp, my fingers felt like rubber bands but I managed to undo it and felt the straps on my shoulders slacken. “It’s okay,” Karen soothed. “No one else is here. We’ll keep this between ourselves. A true secret.” I nodded. My mouth was so dry. I pulled my bra down my arms and away from my small breasts, the cool air sweeping over my skin. My nipples were already erect, they always get hard when I’m horny. I put my bra on top of my shirt and looked at Karen. “You are a very sexy young woman, Haley,” Karen said. “Thank you.” I slid off the bed. Karen slid her chair sideways to make room and I stood before her. I sighed. “Now for the rest of it.” I unbuttoned my jeans and bent down, pushed them a little way down my thighs before moving my hands back up to my hips to feel my knickers. I wasn’t going to drop my jeans and then have to do the same with my underwear, I wanted it all done at the same time. I peeled my knickers down my thighs then gripped my jeans and pushed everything down and tugged them off my feet along with my socks. I left them in a heap on the floor and slowly stood up, revealing my body to Karen. Whatever we were going to do I had no idea, I was so excited, more aroused than I had ever been. It was a combination of so many different emotions, shyness, embarrassment, arousal, excitement, nervousness, you name it. For a moment Karen said nothing. She eyed my body, sweeping her eyes across my breasts and down my stomach, lingering on my light brown pubes and then back up to my face. “Haley, you are so sexy,” Karen said. “You’ve got a fantastic body. You should be proud of it, show it off more.” I was totally embarrassed now. My cheeks were so hot and I knew they were mega red. Then Karen turned her chair around to face me for the first time. She pushed back a little more then stood to face me. I wasn’t going to pretend to look, this time I really did look at her body. “You’re amazing,” I said. My voice barely a whisper. “So sexy.” “And we’re both horny,” Karen said and we both laughed. “You know in the story with the two students?” I asked. Karen nodded. “They held each other first and then kissed and realised it was so nice they did it again?” “Yes, honey?” “Well then they got undressed, but they wouldn’t have gone that far if they hadn’t got turned on by kissing and…well, we’re already undressed but…maybe we could just…well we could try it out…kissing I mean…to see what it’s like…with another girl…but I’m not sure if I’m…you know, ready to do this yet…” Karen stepped toward me, placed her hands on my face, leaned forward and placed her lips on mine. I could smell her deodorant. Her lips were soft and gentle and they pressed against mine. I opened mine slightly and we kissed, hesitantly at first, it was a first time for both of us, then with more passion as we explored. I moved toward Karen, feeling her breasts touch mine as our bodies touched, I felt the hardness of her nipples against my skin and felt my own erect nipples brush against her body. I put my arms around her shoulders, still careful as to where my hands went. Our mouths opened more and our tongues touched, slight quick touches to begin then deeper as we hugged each other more, tongues and lips sliding together. I could feel my fanny grow wetter by the second, I was soaking and could have mounted a whale no problems! We parted and smiled at each other. “If I’m the third girl you’ve kissed who was the second girl you kissed last year?” I asked. “Do you want to know?” I nodded. “Tell me.” Karen kissed me quick and hard this time then pulled away. “I want you, Haley, so bad. Do you want me?” “Yes. I want you too,” I said. I didn’t care about being a lezzie or anything, I just knew I wanted to get off and get Karen off as well. “I’ll tell you on one condition.” “Anything,” I said, my head swimming with excitement. “I want us to play with each other,” Karen replied. This was the next big step. “I’m not sure,” I said, biting my lip. “Not sure if I’m ready to do this with you…well, with any girl…I wouldn’t know what to do…” “Haley, don’t worry, I’ve only done this once before,” Karen said. She leaned into me and we kissed again. “And I’ve not gone all the way, remember?” “Okay,” I said and took a deep breath. “And you’ll tell me who you did it with and what happened, right?” “I’ll tell you everything,” Karen stated. For some reason I really wanted to know who this mystery girl was Karen had almost gone all the way with. Even though I was so horny part of me felt so awkward and silly and very shy about this whole situation. Karen moved us over to the bed and we sat down. After kissing some more I felt her hand touch my stomach. I jumped at the unexpected contact and Karen told me to relax. Her hand was warm and tender, she moved it up to my chest and cupped my breasts, feeling the weight in her hands and sliding her palm over my rigid nipples. She took my hand and placed it on her chest and went back to caressing my body. I was so unsure of what to do with my hand so I copied her movements, sliding my hand over her warm skin, holding her breasts gently stroking them, toying her nipples with my finger tips. Her hand travelled down my stomach and onto my thigh, I followed suit. Her fingers teased my thighs apart and moved slowly toward my fanny. All the while I duplicated her every move, as if I was worried anything different would be wrong somehow. I knew I would soon touch another woman’s private parts, whatever you want to call them – minge, flaps, pussy, cunt, vagina, love tunnel, twat, quim, cunny, and all the rest, they are still a woman’s most private area of her body. I gasped when her finger tips nuzzled against my fanny, a second later Karen whimpered when I touched hers. We stared into each others eyes as we explored, watching the others expression. Karen slid her fingers between my wet fanny lips and I groaned loudly and did the same to her. Her eyes opened as I teased apart her lips and traced her wetness up to her clit and when she touched mine I quivered with ecstasy. “You’re a natural,” Karen said with a moan. She smiled. “Karen, oh god,” I said, my voice barely a whisper and trembling like my body. “That feels…oh…feels so good.” “Do you want to know who it was?” she asked, her breathing becoming quicker and more ragged. “Yes,” I breathed. “Tell me.” “Janine.” When she said my sisters name I felt a huge thrill run down my body. Normal circumstances did not apply here, if they did I would have been shocked to death. “What did you do?” I whispered. “We were at a party, drunk,” Karen said and shuddered as I flicked my finger across her clit again. “Most had gone home. We…oh shit yes…were the only ones awake. I don’t know how it got started, I don’t remember much of it but we kissed a lot on the sofa.” “God, that’s so horny,” I panted. “I remember comparing pubic styles,” Karen wheezed. “And we fingered each other too. Janine loved my fingers inside her and she was rampant too.” “Oh god! Do that…do it to me!” I gasped. I kissed her, my tongue finding hers, our lips crashing together. I felt her fingers leave my clit and slid slowly inside my fanny and by body started to shake. “Oh god Karen…finger my fanny…” I started doing the same to her. Her thighs were wide apart and I had two fingers inside her. She was so hot and wet I had no problems pushing them into her. “Karen…oh god Karen…I think I’m going to…do it faster…please!” “Finger fuck me, Haley…oh shit yes…you’re so fucking good! Make me cum…yes…oh fuck yes!” “Did Janine…god…yes…oh yes…did my sister orgasm?” We were clutching at each other now. Kissing wildly and breathing so heavy and quick I thought I was going to pass out at one point. Sweat was running down between our bodies and were slipped and slid against each other. “Yes! Finger me…harder!” Karen howled. “Me and Janine both came! Oh shit Haley, you are so…urgh yes…you’re so fucking sexy…she made me cum so fucking hard…but you…oh shit!” “I’m so close, Karen,” I cried. “Make me climax…faster, harder…oh yes…” “Haley! I’m cuming!!! Argh fuckkkk!” We gripped each other, trembling as we both climaxed. Our breathing was ragged and fast as we shook under the force of our orgasm. It took several moments for us to calm down. We looked into each others eyes and Karen smiled at me. She leaned forward and kissed me softly, her face was covered in a sheen of sweat and I was more aware now of her naked body against mine. I slowly moved my hands away from her body, my fingers were wet from her fanny and I wasn’t sure if I should feel shocked or amazed or what. I had a funny feeling in my stomach and realised what I had done, I had engaged in a heavy bit of mutual masturbation with another women. Karen slid her hands away from me, pausing very briefly to slide her finger tips over my erect straining nipples. I smiled at her and shuffled back onto the bed and leaned against the headboard. Karen sat opposite me, crossed legged and smiling faintly. I honestly didn’t know what to say to her. What could I say? Thanks for a great time? Jesus, you really know how turn a girl on? Hey, thanks for a great fuck but I gotta run? Holy shit, what was I going to do? I felt so silly now it was all over, like I had just made the biggest fool of myself ever. “You look a bit…regretful,” Karen said. “I’m not sure what to think or do,” I said, being honest. “Or say either.” Karen shrugged, her chest wobbled and again I felt as if I shouldn’t look but I couldn’t help it. “Haley, don’t panic over it. It’s natural to worry over something like this when it’s your first time, especially when you were so unsure.” “You mean that?” I couldn’t believe she was being so nice. Here I was sat as far away as possible from the very person I had just been intensely intimate with, I had my knees folded up in front of me with my hands around them blocking any view of my body from Karen. “Sure I mean it,” Karen said. “You’ve just experienced a small slice of lesbian love making for the first time. It’s bound to be a bit shocking.” “I’m not saying it wasn’t good…I mean great…well it was…you know…” Karen nodded. “I get what you mean.” I smiled nervously. “I’m talking like a twat aren’t I? I bet Janine wasn’t like this at all, was she?” “Do you smoke?” Karen asked as she pulled cigarettes our of her bag. I looked worried for a moment and then she laughed. “After what we’ve just done I don’t think a secret like smoking it going to make any difference!” I nodded. How she knew I smoked I had no idea. I took a smoke and she lit them up. I leaned back and relaxed slightly and breathed out a cloud of smoke. “Janine and I agreed it was just a bit of fooling about,” Karen said. “We couldn’t really remember much of what we did but we were both shocked when we woke up hours later on the sofa.” “So you’ve not done anything with her since?” “Nope. We got dressed pretty quick and haven’t talked about it since.” That made me feel weird. Was it a good thing that my sister was a full on lezzie or not? I felt bad for Karen who obviously wanted to experiment more with girls and since she had been with my sister I figured she would be the easiest person to experience more with. “That’s too bad,” I said, flicking my ash into the bin by bed. “Yeah,” agreed Karen. “She very pretty, your sister. I guess she wasn’t as open to new experiences as me or you. Like I said before, we never went all the way.” I frowned. “All the way? What more is there? “ “Come on Haley, you can’t be that naïve surely,” Karen said. “I must be.” “We didn’t do much you know, we played with each others bodies. We made each other climax. That’s all. We didn’t make love.” “Okay,” I said slowly realising what she meant by ALL THE WAY. She tapped her cigarette ash and looked at me. “Would you do me a favour?” “Sure, what?” “Would you put your legs down? You’re acting like you don’t want me to see your body.” She looked a bit angry suddenly. “If you’re that unsure if you should be here then I think you should get dressed and leave.” My cheeks were flushed again. “I’m sorry,” I muttered. “What should I do? Leave and pretend it never happened? I don’t know what to do.” Karen shrugged and put out her cigarette. “It’s up to you, Haley. If that’s what you want then I promise I won’t say anything to anyone about us.” “Not Janine?” I asked. “Not a word.” “And you won’t be mad?” I asked, worried that this would cause upset later. “No. Yeah I’d like to do more with you,” said Karen looking pained to admit this. “You’re very sexy and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to you. I don’t know if I’m gay or straight or bi but yes I’d be a bit pissed if I never found out. But it’s your choice.” For a moment I sat and thought. If I continued exploring by bisexual side where would it lead to? Would I turn into a lezzie? Was I already bisexual anyway and this has just proved it to myself? I gazed at Karen’s body, there was still a sheen of perspiration on her skin, illuminated by the glow from the computer screen. I could shuffle forward and touch her body, kiss her and do so much more but…how do I start? This whole thing is so taboo to me. I mean it seems to common these days to see two women kissing, we see it on the TV and in the newspapers and even big celebrities are getting known for the bi tendencies. I felt so silly all scrunched up at the other end of the bed. Shit. What was I supposed to do? Walk away and never know what making love to a women could be like? If I did that I’d be hurting Karen’s feelings. But what was more important, her exploration or mine? “Haley, just get dressed and we’ll…” I shook my head and lowered my knees, spread my legs across the bed, showing my nude body off to Karen once more. It was weird but I still hadn’t decided what to do but allowing her to gaze at my body would give me a little bit more time to get my head in order. I parted my legs a little and smiled at Karen. Was I really going to go through with this? Was I going to make love to another woman? Right then I could have dived in and spent hours, days, weeks who knows how long with Karen – or – I could have jumped away, put on my clothes and got out of there. I was that undecided. Exploring My Bisexuality “What are you doing? I thought that…” I held up a hand. “Just give me a moment.” I hate what happened next. The decision, whatever that might have been, was taken away from me and even Karen. Outside I heard a car pull onto the driveway. I knew it was Janine back home. I also knew that neither of us could be caught in this situation. We scrambled off the bed to get dressed. Janine logged off the net and we quickly put our clothes on. I gave Karen a fleeting look as I dashed out of the bedroom and when I saw her look of hurt and loss on her face it really hurt. She must have thought I was glad it had happened that way but I wasn’t, as I left I still didn’t know what I would have done but I was so angry not to have made the decision for myself. I got back to my room just as Janine opened the front door. A few minutes later Karen headed downstairs and music started playing. I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling wondering how it all started. In one sense it all seemed like ages ago since I caught Karen naked in my sisters room, in another way it all seemed to have happened so fast and was over before I knew it. That was when I made my decision, as I lay on my bed. I knew what I would have done and took a huge sigh of relief my thoughts settled down. An hour later I wondered downstairs to see what Janine and Karen were up to. Karen was just packing he stuff up to head home, we spoke little to each other, but our eyes said so much more. Janine was in the downstairs toilet when Karen headed toward the front door. I caught up with her and turned her around, her eyes told me she was hurt and I almost started crying. The toilet flushed and I took Karen’s hand and placed a piece of note paper in it. She looked at it blankly and I ushered her to hide it away. Janine came into the entrance hall to say bye to Karen and I dashed up to my room. Janine closed the front door and I heard the TV come on. I stared out of the window at Karen as she walked down the garden path, reading my note. She turned and hesitated then looked right up at me. She was smiling. I grinned back at her and waved before she walked away. Want to know what the note said? I want us to make love.