12 comments/ 31969 views/ 42 favorites Struggling Ch. 01 By: MickeyPink Hey guys! This is a little something I've been trying to get right.. I really hope you like it!!! Fret not, I am still working on CITD. As always, please give me your feedback!! ---------------------------------------------------------------- 3/29/2011 3:56AM Love.. is like a river. And we all face it on foot. There is no getting over it, no way to get past it. The only way is to swim it. We get through it. And I know I'm not an expert, but I'm becoming one. Each day without him is another that I scrape along, trying to get by; trying to keep my head above water. But the more I swim, the more tired I am. And I don't know if I'll make it to the other side. ~*~*~ She closed her laptop and sighed. When Briar left her two months ago, she thought it was the end of her. It wasn't. But she still felt like she was dying. She started the online journal last week, and she wasn't sure who, but somebody was reading. Hell, a lot of people were reading. Eight days and just over six hundred hits. Yea. A lot of people were reading. She stood up and lifted her arms into the air, stretching her sides and back. She looked at the digital clock on the nightstand. 4 AM. No better time for Ben and Jerry. She drifted into the kitchen, her feet lazily grating against the floor with each step. It was good she lived alone; no one to see the boxers hanging off her hips, no one to tell her to take a shower. She reached into the freezer and pulled out the Strawberry Cheesecake. It was nearly empty, and it made her sad. She leaned over the counter, counting each of the blue, yellow, and white tiles that formed what should have been a cheerful backsplash. "Heh, guess it could be worse. Guess I could have been completely out of ice cream." It was gone too soon, so she figured she'd do something. For the first time this week, she was going to leave the house. She pulled on a hoodie and some jeans, and grabbed her keys. This time, she would get a gallon of ice cream. It would be at least a month before she ran out. She paused when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. A hat. A hat would be necessary. She grabbed a baseball cap and opened the door. She breathed in the early morning air. She could smell the dew drops and it made her feel something other than sadness. 'Maybe today won't be so bad..' ~*~*~ The grocery store was empty, as expected. Nothing but tired moms who ran the cash registers and lonely hearts just like her. She rounded the corner, basket in hand. When she was in front of the ice cream, she just stood there; trying to figure out how many pints would equal a gallon. "A gallon?" "That's a lot of ice cream. Leave some for the rest of us, would you?" She wouldn't dare look at him. She just watched as his arm opened the fridge next to her and went for the Eddy's. Amateur. He turned and headed away, and she let herself watch his figure. Sure, she was broken, but she wasn't blind. That man had a body that oozed sexuality. Broad shoulders, muscular arms, a strong back.. She almost wished she had let herself see his face. Almost. ~*~*~ She loaded the ice cream into the freezer. Eight pints, five flavors. The freezer door shut, and it suddenly hit her. Eating like a maniac wasn't going to make Briar come back. And it wasn't going to get rid of her developing pooch. She had gained twelve pounds in the last month. 'Let's not make it twelve more,' she thought. She went to bed with a taste for ice cream on her tongue. Tomorrow would be better. Tomorrow, she, would be.. Better. ~*~*~ The sun was shining right into her eyes. She had only slept for five hours, and this is what she got? She threw off the covers and swung her feet to the side of the bed. She sat up slowly, dragging her upper body off the mattress as if she were some sort of zombie. Wasn't she? She figured since she went out of the house for the first time in a week, it was probably a good time to take her first shower in a week too. She didn't think she smelled.. But then, how would she know? Her nose had been pretty stuffed up lately from all the crying. The shower head was a newer one. It stretched out to over her head, and was shaped like a wide circle. The result was a shower that felt like rain. It was nice. She set it on a luke warm temperature and hopped in. She felt it creeping all over her, like an inescapable storm. When she got out, she could hear someone beating on the door. 'Really?' She wrapped the towel around her, and went into the living room. She peeked through the door to see a talk black man with a frown on his face. "Open up, Zo. I know you're in there." She sighed and pushed her hair, now forming curls, out of her face. "Hello big brother. What's up." He didn't bother asking if he could come in. He just walked past her, a week's worth of newspapers under his arm. "Please," she feigned sincerity, "come in!" He dropped the papers in the corner and turned back toward her. He walked over and wrapped her in his arms. She struggled against him at first; she didn't need people's hugs and pity. "There are too many people who love you. Stop hiding from us. You hear me? Stop it. It's ok to be sad." She leaned into him then, and cried her first tears of the day. He rubbed her back and kissed her head, holding her so tightly, as if he were trying to give her his strength. When he finally let her go, she wiped her eyes and looked away. She smiled, and it felt foreign to her. "Leave it to you to come barging in here." He smiled back and headed for the kitchen. "If I know you, and I do, you'll have a pint or two of ice cream in the feezer." He opened the freezer and dropped his head. "Jesus Zoey, you planning an ice cream social I didn't know about?" He could hear her laughing from her bedroom where she was, no doubt, putting on some clothes. He grabbed a pint and opened it, then leaned against the counter after grabbing a spoon. "No, I'm not. I just got hungry for it at four this morning." She was drying her hair in a towel when she picked up a spoon and scooped some of the frozen delicacy in his hand. "And it's only a few pints.." He laughed and shook his head. "Well I came over today because you gave me those tickets.." Thats right. She had totally forgotten. A few months ago she bought tickets to a boxing match. Briar was a huge fan of some guy named Ten Ton Jonny. He was a huge guy, standing at 6'6 and weighing nearly three hundred pounds. They said when he hit someone it felt like getting hit by ten tons of brick. Anyways, she bought the tickets as a surprise for his birthday. When they broke up, she gave the tickets to her brother Ben. "What about the tickets?" She went back into the living room to take a look at the newspapers he brought in. Maybe she ought to start job hunting. Benny followed her in, intent on finding all the chunks of goodness in the ice cream. "Well I asked Nolan if he'd go, but he's been all wrapped up in that girl Stacey.. So I was thinking maybe you could come with. I know you're not a boxing fan, but it could be fun. And you should get out of the house because-" "Shut up, Benny, don't you fucking start." He laughed. "Because you're starting to turn pale from not getting any sun." He broke out into laughter again, this time setting the pint of ice cream onto the coffee table as he bent over holding his side. "Really funny. Not like I haven't heard that twenty times." Benny always liked to make fun of her skin tone. Both of their parents were fairly dark skinned, and Benny too, but she was the color of a coffee with two or three creams; or caramel sauce at you're favorite ice cream shop. Not really that light- but Benny still made fun. He took a few deep breaths and straightened up, then went to put away the ice cream. "But seriously, you should come with me. Otherwise I have to find some random to take with me." He didn't have a high opinion of most women since his high school sweetheart broke up with him. Pretty sad, really, since that was seven years ago. "I really wish you didn't treat women the way you do. Hell, I'm a woman. Mom is too." She said her words passively, never lifting her head from the paper. He made his way back over to the door. "Yea, but that's the thing; you're women. Classy ones. Not like most of the chicks out there. Anyways, I gotta get going. I was supposed to be at the gym ten minutes ago." She stood and came over, hugging him one last time before he left. "Thanks for dropping by. And I guess... I'll go to the fight." "Love you, lil sis." "You too, Benny." She stood up at put the cap back on the ice cream he had left out, then placed it back in the freezer. ~*~*~ -- "You know I love you, babe. We've both made mistakes.. Don't hold this one against me." "I can't do this Briar. I can't. Don't make me do this." "Zoey, please. Just for once, trust me. Trust me not to hurt you again." -- Zoey sat up, panting, tears running down her face. She put her hand on her chest to feel her heart. The pounding was frightening. She took a few deep breaths and felt her heart rate slow down. She swung her legs over the side of the bed. She should have been over her fears by now, past the dreams where Briar asks her to take him back. But she wasn't. She was stuck with him. He plagued her thoughts during the day, and haunted her nights. She changed out of her sweaty tshirt and into a clean(ish) one. Another thing that needed to be done. Laundry. 'Tomorrow. Tomorrow, laundry.' Stumbling into the living room, she grabbed the paper from earlier and made her way into the kitchen. She grabbed a pint of ice cream and propped herself up on the counter. She looked at the time on the stove. 11:33 PM. Great. Another day well spent. She circled a few ideal job offers and skipped over to the classifieds. She knew she wasn't ready for anything, but reading other people's ads made her feel better. It let her know that there were other people, like her, looking for something- trying to find someone. She skimmed past the obvious hookers and booty call seekers. The ads that read: "I need you tonight" and "In town for the weekend" She enjoyed reading the few posted by romantic unattached hearts, looking for their connection with another. One stuck out though. "We're not perfect. We weren't meant to be. But I promise I will always see the perfection in your flaws, if you promise to see mine and love me through them." It spoke so strongly to her, she couldn't help but feel the tears well up in her eyes. It was as if she had written it herself, the emotion, the delivery.. Even though it was beautiful, it broke her already damaged heart just a little bit more. She looked down at the ice cream, now halfway empty, and felt disgusted. She shouldn't be eating her way towards diabetes, she should be bettering herself. Inside and out. She threw the ice cream in the trash, then all the other pints too. Then, to avoid temptation, she dropped her trash down the chute in the hallway. But she was still hungry. Other than some mayonnaise and a jar of cherries, there was nothing in her fridge. She took her second shower of the week and dressed. She pulled her wet curls into a ponytail and grabbed a hoodie. Passing by her computer, she saw that it was supposed to rain. But the grocery store was only a couple blocks away, and it hadn't started yet. She made her way inside and went straight to produce. She grabbed some celery, then went on a hunt for peanut butter. She remembered having it as a snack when she was a kid. Ben would put raisins on his. 'Ants on a log'. Heh, she hated raisins. As she approached the register, she looked outside to see it had begun to pour. "Great. Just great." The lady at the register, looked up and out the large window. "Yea. It just started. Didn't even ease in, either. Just started pouring like crazy. Your total is gonna be $4.78." Zoey handed her a five dollar bill and sighed. "Just my luck. I knew I should have brought an umbrella." She took her change and deposited it into the donation box near the signing pad. All proceeds go to the Dennings Neighborhood Child Fund. It wasn't the Ronald McDonald House, or a cancer organization, but she liked that her neighborhood grocer helped a neighborhood charity. The money went towards the community center and scholarships for kids that wanted to go to college. In her last year of college, she needed some help, and the Fund had helped her, too. She never wanted to take out loans, so she got great grades in high school, went to a local college, and worked through school. She had most of her tuition taken care of through grants and scholoarships, but she still had to wait tables to make up the last three thousand. But in the last semester, she was short by a grand. She had taken some time off work because she couldn't focus on her finals and work full time. The Fund gave her the money, and ever since she's been donating, trying to repay the debt. She walked over near the door and leaned against the wall. She figured she would just wait until it lightened up a bit, then speed walk home. "You waiting for someone?" It was the same deep voice from the last time, and she immediately felt nervous. She opened her mouth, but couldn't form words. "Ahhhhah...?" Was that her? It was a strange noise, and it came out of her throat without warrant. He chuckled. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that." She stood there, not sure how to reverse time and keep him from hearing that sound. "No. I'm not, I'm just... waiting for the rain to lighten up a bit so I can walk home." She felt her face warming, and it felt even more embarrassing. 'OK, Zo, just look at him. Go on, do it. You know you want to." She lifted her gaze from the soaked pavement outside to the tall handsome man inside, standing beside her. It was definately him. She doubted that there were two men in her neighborhood with bodies like that and auborn hair. "I was wondering if you were going to look at me. I'm glad you did. I'm Gabriel. We met.. Well, sort of, last night. You were buying all the ice cream." She watched his mouth move, the way he seemed to smile through all his words, his kind and gentle tone, the way his lips and tongue made each word look like it was sexual.. "I'm sorry. I must be bothering you." He chuckled again, this time more awkwardly. 'She's obviously not interested', he thought. He started to make his way past her when she finally spoke. "I wasn't buying all the ice cream." He turned back to face her, her shy light brown eyes catching his curious jade ones. "Well you certainly weren't leaving much. I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?" "Zoey." She extended her hand, and he took it, gently caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. "Nice to meet you Gabriel." They stood that way, hand in hand, for a few seconds. Finally she cleared her throat and pulled back. She wouldn't have, if not for the fact that she felt so self conscious. She felt drawn to him. There was a comfortable feeling she felt, like she knew him already. Part of her wanted to hug him, as strange as it was. But in her mind, she knew he was a stranger and hugging strangers is a little creepy. "Nice meeting you too." He turned to leave, and reconsidered. "Would it make you uncomfortable if I offered to drive you home? My car is right there, and I feel like I'd be less than a gentleman to let you walk in this rain." She smiled, and he felt like he was falling in love. The way her pink lips framed those pearly whites was entrancing. "I really appreciate the offer, but-" "I insist. I'll even drop you a few doors down and speed off, as not to see your actual house, if you'd like." She looked back outside at the rain, and then again into his eyes. She knew she shouldn't trust him, but something in his eyes said he was safe. They pulled up in front of the apartment and he grabbed an umbrella from the backseat. He quickly took the keys from the ignition and ran around to her side of the car, holding the umbrella open above her. "You really don't have to do all this. Really." She stepped out of the car. He just smiled and closed the car door. He walked with her up the staircase and watched as she unlocked the door. She turned and looked up at him, only just now realizing how much taller he was than she. He had to be at least 6'3, to her 5'2. They held each other's gaze for a few seconds more before he spoke. "It was lovely meeting you Zoey. I hope we run into each other again some time." She didn't know why she did it, but she leaned in, on her tippy toes, and kissed him. It was just a small peck on the lips, a soft kiss, that said thank you... and maybe a little bit more. He didn't see it coming, but when her lips touched his and her hand found his chest for balance, he thought for sure she would feel his heart pounding. They just looked at one another, his heart beating a mile a minute, her embarrassment written across her face. She was still on her toes, her hand still using him as her anchor. He leaned in and kissed her this time, this one a bit longer, and filled with meaning unknown. His arm found its way around her, while the other held the umbrella shielding them from the rain which had now stopped. Her hand gripped his shirt, then quickly let go. He felt a slight push, and then the kiss was broken. "I'm sorry, I can't. I just-" "Jesus, I'm an idiot. I just thought.. Wow. Forgive me." Now it was his turn to be embarrassed as he looked at the wall behind her. "No, I mean.. I just got out of a bad breakup and I just don't think I'm in any position to kiss someone the way you just kissed me. I can't even kiss someone the way I kissed you! I.. I'm sorry. I started it, I know. Forgive me?" He looked down to see that she had placed her hand over her heart. "As long as you forgive me." She nodded and pushed the door open. "I hope I see you around," he said, as she found her was inside. "I hope so too." She closed the door and ran to the window, watching as he closed the umbrella, which had long become unnecessary, and made his way to the car. When he got to the door, he looked up, as it he knew she was watching. He smiled, and she waved back at him. When he drove off, she leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. They say the best way to get over a man is to get a new one. She took her time getting up, and slowly headed for the kitchen. Where she was in a mood to snack before, she felt, somehow, completely sated. She decided to go to bed. It had, after all, turned out to be a very eventful night. She removed her pants and hoodie and crawled under the sheets. With her cell placed on the charger, she felt herself drifting off to sleep. That is, until her phone rang. Zoey looked at her digital alarm clock and yawned. 'Who's calling me at nearly one in the morning?' She rolled over and covered her head with a pillow. The phone would stop ringing, and she'd get some sleep. Right? Wrong. As soon as the ringing stopped, it started again. She sat up and looked at the phone. Terror ran through her. Her heart stopped beating, her lungs stopped recieving air. It was all she could do to stare at the name on the screen. Briar. "Hello." She tried to sound calm. She even tried to sound like she was annoyed. Truth was, she was downright nervous. It had been two months since she had seen or heard from Briar. His last words about seeing other women and not being able to meet all his needs with just one girl still stabbed at her heart. "Hey Zo, what's up?" 'What's up? WHATS UP? Seriously..?' "Briar, what do you want? Do you know what time it is?" "Yea, it's uhm.. One AM. Listen, I wanted to see you. I need to apologize for everything that happened with me and you." His words came out in the smug voice she had become so accustomed to over the last two years. Struggling Ch. 01 "Do it then. Right now. On the phone. You didn't have any trouble breaking up with me that way." She remembered back to that day, the day he smashed her heart into dust. He called and made normal conversation before dropping the bomb on her. One second he was telling her about his lunch, the next he was telling her he could do better. "Come on, Zoey, I thought you'd be past your anger by now. It's been months! Listen, I really am sorry, and I want to see you." "Months? Yea, Briar. Two months. We were together for two YEARS. So forgive me, if my heart is still in recovery. You don't need to see me, and I don't want to see you. Goodnight Briar." He scoffed audibly. She was just about to press the end button when he spoke again. "I saw you tonight. Who was the guy? I can't see why you're pretending to be all hurt when you were locking lips with some dude not half an hour ago." Is that what this was about? Briar wasn't calling to apologize or because he wanted to see her. He was calling because he was jealous. "He's a guy that I met and he offered to drive me home. No big deal." Why was she explaining herself to him? She figured it was because she had become so accustomed to it. "Look Briar, if you called just to get in my business then I think we're done here." "So you won't see me? Even though you're obviously over it?" "Fuck you, Briar. And stop stalking me." She hit the end button and set her phone on the nightstand. There was so much going on in her mind, and she knew right away that she'd never get to sleep tonight. Zoey picked the phone back up and threw it against the wall. She watched as bits of plastic flew all over the place. She cracked a sad smile before bursting into tears. There were so many emotions she had been holding inside, and they all came bubbling to the surface. She made her way out of the bed to get a broom. As she swept the pieces into the dustpan, she felt all the feelings she felt for Briar. The anger, the sadness, the love.. He was an asshole, sure, but she loved him. She knew she shouldn't. She knew it wasn't good for her. But love didn't fight fair. Briar wasn't always an asshole. There were so many nights he held her, whispering sweetness in her ear. So many mornings filled with breakfast in bed. She couldn't forget the good memories any more than she could forget the bad. That was what held her in such a difficult position. And that was the hardest part about getting over him. She emptied the dust pan and decided to write her journal entry for the day. ~*~*~ 3/30/11 1:12AM When love becomes pain, how much does one soul take? I imagine that some pain is impossible to avoid. Life happens, and we have to deal with it. But when that pain shatters everything we know, is that where we draw the line? I can't keep pretending with myself. There are so many truths to be told, and with each day, I'm promising to let myself realize one of them. Today, my truth, is that I'm still in love with someone who shattered everything I know. I'm trying to draw the line, but it would appear that I've run out of chalk. Struggling Ch. 02 Hey guys!!! So sorry for the delays- life happens, I suppose! But I have been working on the stories, slowly but surely.. And here is the second chapter of Struggling. Please keep in mind that I do not want to terribly rush these two- but the sex will come when it's time!!! ------------------------------------------------ 4/8/11 7:39PM My dearest readers: I promised you, and myself, truths to be told. I promised to find the light at the end of the darkness. But here I am, a week later, utterly noncompliant. Being honest with myself is a difficult thing to do. It means waking up and looking myself in the eye. All my faults, my insecurities, my hopes... If I will be honest I will say that I am nothing without him. I'm tired of fighting him off. And I'm tired of giving myself false hope that anyone else could ever love me. If it means not being alone, is one-sided love really all that bad? Zoey closed her eyes to stop the tears that almost started to fall. In being so straight-forward with her readers, she had begun to see another side of herself. When she looked in the mirror, she saw a beautiful girl. The shape of her eyes, her full, pouty lips, the way her eyes turned upwards in the corners when she smiled. But she hadn't smiled too much lately. Not since the night she met Gabriel. He was always on her mind. She must've sat there in that corner all night after he dropped her off. She felt so foolish. How, on one hand, could she have been bold enough to kiss him, but still blush the way she did when the thought of him arose? She wanted to believe that there was chemistry between them. But how could there be? She was a girl, heartbroken and torn. And he was a beautiful man who took pity on her. She rolled over to check the time. If she didn't get moving, she would be late. She'd planned to meet Ben at the bar near the arena, to catch a couple of drinks before the fight. It was now or never. She headed to the bathroom to begin the ritual of getting ready. ~*~*~*~ Gabriel spilled out of the shower, watery footprints marking his path. As he dried his hair, he closed his eyes. Only for a moment; but that was all it took. The sweet smell of her was in his nostrils and he could almost taste her kiss. 'So beautiful,' he thought to himself. She was, too. There was so much about her to be enjoyed. Sure, her looks were wonderful. He was always the kind of man that fell for brown skinned women. Her particular hue was astonishing. It was as if a light came on under her skin- taking it from light brown to a sunny kind of happy shade that made his heart melt. And then there were her eyes that pierced straight through him. Flecks honey and amber sweetened further by the soul behind them... A sad, but beautiful soul. When he thought about everything that comprised her, it stirred him, and angered him. It was improper to just appear at a woman's home, but after a week of going to the grocery store and finding her absent, he couldn't wait much longer. He'd give it a couple more days. A pair of dark washed jeans, t-shirt, and a blazer later he was out the door. ~*~*~*~ She hated places like this. Ben was a much more social person than her, so of course, he chose the busiest bar near the arena. And to make matters worse, it wasn't until she sat down at the bar and ordered a drink that he sent her a text to say he would be thirty minutes late. "Just my luck," she said under her breath. Two sips into her tequila, she felt it. There were eyes on her, putting heat on her back. A heat that was comparable to the one in her chest. "Well, well, well... If it isn't little Zo. Stand up, girl, and let me look at you." She hadn't heard that voice since she broke her phone a week ago. "Briar. Wow, every time I think I'm rid of you, there you are!" She turned and rested her eyes on the beautiful man in behind her. "Aw, you're breaking my heart, Zo. I call you, you hang up on me. Next thing I know, you've changed your number. How is a guy supposed to take that?" He was moving in closer. Too close. His knee brushed against hers, in a silent effort to part her thighs. She looked down to find a boastful erection shielded behind his, undoubtedly, Italian suit pants. When she looked back up at him, his gaze met hers with a certain amount of lust and anger. This was the history of their love, all wrapped up in an inconvenient meeting. Him, the ever present, ever wealthy pussy hound; she, the sad fool who thought she could change him. Why? Because of the way he looked at her, maybe. The way he looked through her, more like it. Or maybe because she just wanted to believe in the good that was hidden deep down in the place he had let her see from time to time. "Briar, I can't do this with you." She took a hard gulp of tequila, its' effects now numbed due to the racing of her mind and the pounding of her heart. She looked around thinking maybe her brother was here already, but she knew better. He was always later than he said he'd be, and it had only been a few minutes since he texted. Briar lowered his head, ready to convince her, with one little kiss, that she should go with him and let herself go. Unfortunately for him, her angel was right on time to save her. "Babe, there you are. I was looking for you." Gabriel's voice was the reality check she needed, and when she turned and felt his arm around her back, she felt sure. Sure that she could fight the lust driven fire that had built between her thighs. Briar didn't make a move. It wasn't that he was afraid; the guy was bigger than he was, for sure, but he could probably take him. He was more trimmed and he fought dirty. Gabriel just stood observing the man for a moment. This must have been the reason for the sadness in Zoey's eyes. This... coward... must have been why he hadn't been able to get a little closer to Zoey these last few days. "I'm Gabriel. You must be...?" Gabriel extended his hand. Briar took a step back from Zoey and had the first of what he figured would be many stare-downs. Had she been that kind of girl, the kind who enjoyed watching men fight for her, Zoey would have been in heaven. They were both tall, Adonis-like men with broad shoulders, well fitting clothes, and razor sharp eyes. "Leaving." Briar took one good hard look at Zoey. She really did look good tonight. She was wearing a navy colored dress that fit snugly on top, but puffed out at the waist, giving it a tutu effect. With it, she sported a black leather jacket, aviator style, and a cute little red bow in her curled hair. If not for this asshole, he'd have worn her down and taken her to the ladies'. "I'll see you around, Zo." For a moment, as she watched Briar leave, she started to feel utterly disappointed to see him go. Then she remembered what had saved her the added pain. "Wow. I'm uhm... Sorry you had to see that." She spun in her chair to face Gabriel, who still had his eyes fixed on the door. When he looked down at her with his jaw clenched, his powerful green eyes beat out Briar's lying blue ones. It made her smile just a little bit. Gabriel took a breath and calmed his expression. How could he be angry with this beauty in front of him? Just as the silence grew deafening, Zoey received a text message. "Nolan broke up with Stacey. Was thinking I should take him to the fight. Don't kill me? Really sorry little sis. I'll make it up." ~*~*~*~ As it turned out, Gabriel was going to the fight too. In fact, his box seats nearly muted the cheering crowd. And the food wasn't bad either. By the end of the night, she'd had more fun than she had ever expected. After the fight, they stayed for a bit- talking, laughing, and getting to know one another. Zoey was in awe of the man. "After a while, I figured I was getting too old to fight. I hung up my gloves and started guiding younger fighters. I just lucked out, I guess, because I've done pretty well for myself." Gabriel smiled a shy smile, making it obvious that he was uncomfortable talking about himself. "So what about you?" Zoey sighed. "Well... I don't really have a job. I was managing this store before- 5kin5? You know, with fives instead of S's?" "Yea, I love that shop. Some of the greatest items in my closet are from there. It's got a great global feel. Why'd you stop working there?" "Well my ex, the guy from earlier tonight... He owns that store. And when I walked in on him in his office with a cashier.." "Oh. I'm so sorry." Gabriel looked into her eyes and the sadness she held there. It was no wonder the girl behaved as she did. No wonder she had no idea how much value she possessed. His hand closed over hers on the table, and it was as if he sent a jolt through her. A jolt that resulted in a glass of red wine spilling all over him. "Oh my gosh! I.. I can't believe I..!!?!" Zoey threw herself across the table, trying to pat him dry with her napkin. "Oh.. I'm so sorry." Gabriel had nothing to be sorry about now, of course, because the view he got of her cleavage made him forget about the shirt all together. Zoey was so busy cleaning him up, she didn't even notice. When he caught himself, he grabbed her hand to calm her. "It's ok, really." Zoey blushed. "I only live a few minutes away.. I could wash your shirt for you? I just feel so badly about this..." Gabriel smiled. "That won't be necessary. It's late. Did you drive? I can take you home- it's on my way." "You remember where I live?" "When a girl kisses you like you kissed me, it's hard to forget where it happened." They shared the silence and a long gaze before getting up to leave. ~*~*~*~ "Really, it's not a problem. I can just take care of it at home. This shirt wasn't terribly expensive anyways." Gabriel tried to convince her, but she had her mind set on cleaning his shirt. He doubted that a red wine stain would come out.. He always had trouble with bamboo fabric. "No? Well then I'll just give you cash for it. How much?" Zoey went to grab her purse, knowing she had a ten dollar bill in there. Gabriel smiled. "$30." She stopped in her tracks and turned back, completely in shock. "You paid $30 for a t-shirt?!?! What are you, insane?" "It's bamboo." Before he could stop her, she had grabbed the bottom hem of the shirt and was pulling it over his head. She smiled a satisfied smile and headed into her bedroom. "Make yourself comfortable. And please help yourself to anything in the fridge." She found several methods online, and figured she'd try them all if she had to. After club soda, baking soda, rinsing, and vinegar, she had given up. By the time she made it out of the laundry room and back into the living room, Gabriel was asleep (in SO much glory) on the couch. She considered waking him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She turned off the television and grabbed a quilt from the storage ottoman. After covering him up, she headed to bed. ~*~*~*~ A pounding at the door jostled her awake. She figured Ben was dropping by to make a formal apology. It wasn't Ben. "What, no good morning? I brought coffee." He said with an evil smile. "And danish." She had half a mind to slam the door in Briar's face. It was pretty ballsy of him to just show up at her door unannounced- especially given the nature of their lack in relationship. "Briar, go away." She had one hand on her hip and the other in her messy tresses, trying to look nonchalant. Before he could try to convince or sway her, Gabriel appeared, with messy hair- sans shirt. "Oh. You're entertaining." Briar once again locked eyes with the man, who was slowly making his way over to the door. When Gabriel reached the door and stood behind Zoey, arms crossed and straight faced, Briar nearly threw himself at the man. But, as his father always said, a man never started a fight- he only finished them. "Oh, nice to see you again, Leaving." Gabriel twisted his lips to form something like a smile. But really, smiling was the last thing he wanted to do. This guy was a predator. That creature that goes 'bump' in the night? That was him. And he was causing Zoey pain. "It's Briar, actually." That smug look came back again, and this time, it was mounted with annoyance. Who was this guy, anyway? How long had they been dating? It had been months before Zoey would let him stay the night. And was she fucking this guy? Gabriel closed the space between his body and Zoey's, and leaned down to kiss her cheek. "Do you want me to go?" His whisper sent a chill through her body and for a moment she forgot the Briar was even there. She shook her head and pressed her back further into his chest. His arm snaked around her waist before he said "Good." Briar, fed up with the displays of affection, handed Zoey the coffee in his hand. "Well. I guess I'll catch you around." As he stormed off to his car, he made sure to crumble the bag containing the two danish and throw it into the trash bin on the sidewalk. It wasn't that he wanted Zoey back; he just hated competition. And he was not the losing kind. As Zoey closed and locked the door, her mind raced. 'Does he really like me, or is he just making things hard for Briar?' 'What am I doing?!' 'What is HE doing?!' The last question was because as he removed the coffee from her hand, he pulled her toward him- they were inches from one another, and Zoey feared another life-altering kiss. "I should go. I've already caused enough trouble, and I don't want to overstay my welcome." Zoey closed her eyes and the words just fell out of her mouth. "No. Stay." They went into her bedroom, closed the curtains, and went back to bed. There were no preconceptions. There was no pressure. Just two lonely people; a little less lonely. 4/9/11 9:01AM Just when I think I've got it all figured out, life throws me a left hook. Good morning, Dennings. Good morning world. I'm going back to bed... With an angel. Struggling Ch. 03 This story I dedicate to Will and Ami- two of my most devout readers.You two have really helped me become inspired to write again. I thank you for that. And also to Christiana. Your email was exactly what I needed to stop being a wuss and publish! Please enjoy, and be patient with me... Always more to come! ------------------------------------------------------------- That morning, Zoey turned over and rested her head on the firm chest beside her. She hadn't slept this well in nearly a year, and felt so good. He was so strong and real. The way he was there for her this morning, standing enough ground for the both of them... She smiled as she thought of the way Briar's face changed when Gabriel came to the door. 'Serves him right,' she thought. All that time, Briar made a fool out of her; sleeping with other women, telling her she wasn't enough. She was enough. She was finally starting to see that. Hell, she wasn't even healed yet, and she was enough for Gabriel. Did he really adore her as much as his eyes said he did? Or were his jade glances just masking deceit? Just as she started to turn back over, feeling a bit too self conscious, Gabriel pulled her a little closer. "Good morning, beautiful." She forgot all her hang-ups for just a moment, as she glanced up at him. It was a bit like meeting a celebrity you'd been in love with for years. That nervous jittery excitement inside you, trying to bubble up to the surface, while you pretend to remain calm. "...Hi." A shy smile lifted the corners of her mouth. It was as if morning breath did not exist, because when Gabriel leaned down and kissed her, he didn't pull back. And she knew her breath was bad. A simple peck on the lips lingered into a deeper, more passionate kiss. Zoey felt herself melt into him, and his hand drifted to her lower back, pulling her even closer still. It was a surprise either of them could breathe, as their faces and bodies came together in search of complete unity. It wasn't until Zoey heard herself moan that she pushed him back. She had to, really. His thigh was between hers, and she felt herself growing wetter with each millisecond they were pressed together. But Gabriel was not prepared to stop just yet. He climbed atop her, firmly placed between her thighs. All that separated them now were a few remnants of clothing from the night before. Her tank top and panties would be challenged today, as to how long they could hold up to a boxer in boxer briefs. They sat that way for a moment longer, holding each other's gaze. Zoey wasn't sure what was going on. She had only the worst in mind at first, but something was giving him pause. Was it her fault? Should she not have kissed him back that way? 'Mmmmm... But what a kiss...' "Zoey I'm not going to hurt you. Please. Just stop pushing me away. I'm not going to do anything you don't already want me to... So just relax, ok?" Gabriel waited for her response, but she did not speak. Her hands were still on his chest, but had already stopped pressing him away. He took them into one of his large hands, and pulled them above her head. There was panic in her eyes. He noted it, and continued. "How are you ever going to be happy if you won't let yourself?" He spoke as he lowered his head to her neck. Soft, tender kisses and nibbles made her release the tension in her arms. She felt his right hand caress her every curve, moving from her wrist to her breast, to her supple backside. Now it was his turn to let out a moan. He had always been an ass man, and she was a perfect example of why that was true. Involuntarily, he ground his hard cock into her, and enjoyed the heat that was growing between them. "May I kiss you?" He asked, as his face came to just an inch from hers. Her closed eyes and parted lips said yes before she was able to decide. Her body came alive now, as his hand released hers. She deepened the kiss, pulling him closer, and running her hand through his hair. They were moving in unison, now, grinding into each other as if they wanted to burn away the fabric between them. She allowed her hand to slip between them, sliding down his chest, his well formed abs... Gabriel was sure she was going to push him back again, but she continued her path. It was not until she reached his manhood that her hand stopped. Too afraid to do anything more, she ran her hand along the length of him, stopping only when she realized he was much bigger than she had expected. Her eyes shot open, and her body tensed. Gabriel pulled back. "Is something wrong?" She shook her head. "No, I just... can't. I can't do this. You're too... I'm not ready." "Nothing you don't want to do." She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, silently wishing he would kiss her again. His lips found hers in a gentle kiss, and then she felt his hand leave her ass and begin traveling up her inner thigh. Her mouth started to contest, but her body writhed beneath him. She wanted him to touch her. She wanted his hands all over her, claiming her. She needed to be claimed. He could sense her urgency as he neared closer to the source of her heat. Her lace panties were drenched, and doing a horrible job of keeping that secret. He allowed his thumb to press lightly on the stiffened little nub inside her panties. She exhaled loudly and felt her eyes roll back. "Is this okay?" Gabriel asked, while his thumb continued its gentle caress. "Mmmmph... Mhmm... Yea." She tried to nod her head, but just speaking was hard enough. She didn't want to move. Embarrassingly enough, she was growing closer by the second and she knew it would not be long. As Gabriel increased pressure, he took a moment to observe her. She was exquisite. Honey colored eyes hooded, bottom lip tucked tightly between her teeth, and delicious little pants and moans escaping from her mouth made it hard to maintain his composure. Eventually, she would give herself to him fully. But this... This was all about her. Her grip on the sheets tightened, and she looked him in the eye. It was the first time all morning that she felt she could see him clearly. At first, she thought it had all been a dream. But his thumb was persistent and she had never known pleasure like this while she slept. Her moans became louder. There was no fight left within her. She had tried to hold back. Tried... And failed. As her body began to dance beneath him, her breathing became frantic. "Oh my—ungh—Gabriel. Yea. Just like that.. I'm gonna..." He did not slow; he did not relieve the pressure. Instead he slipped two fingers into her tight entrance and simply held them there as he continued his circular motion with his thumb. The many waves rocked her body, shaking her, and figuratively breaking her until she was putty in his hands. Once the tremors had subsided, and all that was left was the sound of her gentle cooing, Gabriel kissed her forehead. He removed his hand from her panties, and she watched in horror as he pulled his fingers to his lips and sucked her cum away. To say she blushed would be an understatement. Her mouth dropped and her eyes widened. She gasped in both embarrassment and arousal. But he did not seem to notice. She had the most delightful taste. Something earthy and sweet... It was a challenge to refrain from tasting her more deeply. "I should, uhm,... I should shower." Her cheeks were bright red and her eyes were averted. His hand found her chin and pulled her up to look at him. "There's nothing to be ashamed of. You're beautiful." As he brought his lips to hers, and she tasted her own nectar, she suddenly felt as though she were in over her head. It was happening too fast, wasn't it? She jumped out of bed, anxious to shower. He watched her hips sway into the bathroom, tempted to follow. There was no explaining it. From the moment they met, he felt connected to her. She drew him in, and he was her prisoner. If he could do nothing else, he wanted just to protect her—to shield her from all the pain that was out there, lurking, looking for lost prey. And she was lost. He threw his head back onto the pillow and sighed. Could he protect her from himself? Half an hour in the shower left the water cold, and she was back on edge. She could go out there, feeling nervous and downright scared, or she could stay in the bathroom like a coward. With a towel wrapped around her, she padded back into the bedroom. He was still there; lying around like it was his house. She would have been lying to herself if she said he didn't look good in her bed. No.. He looked amazing in her bed. That familiar tingle between her thighs reminded her she was naked and staring. "How was your shower?" Gabriel smiled as though he had not just tasted her—licked her cum from his fingers while looking her in the eye. "It was good. Just gonna grab some clothes.." She once again averted her eyes, this time from the bulge that was growing in his boxer briefs. He was trying not to, but seeing her in that towel and knowing there was nothing underneath was driving him mad. He got up from the bed and threw on his jeans from the night before. His shirt was ruined, so he didn't bother. When Zoey looked up and saw him coming toward her, looking like the bad boy GQ model, she grabbed the nearest dress and headed for the bathroom, scooping up the bra from last night off the floor. After an awkward 10 minutes of small talk and near silence, Gabriel spoke up. "Zoey, I want to date you. See where this is going." "You don't even know me. You say that now, but in a couple of months, you'll get tired of me. I'm insecure, boring, unemployed, ..." "Jesus!" He didn't mean to yell, but he did. He buried his face in his hands before looking back up at her. "You don't get it, do you? You're insecure? We all are. Boring? You must be kidding. You're intelligent. You think about how to help other people. And you write an amazing blog! I don't care if you work for money. Work towards making the world a better place. Work at making your life what you want it to be!" Gabriel moved closer to her, noting the sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. But.. It's like there's this amazing person inside you, and you keep pulling her back in. What, because some shit head pretty boy told you to? Fuck Briar. I hate him for inhibiting you." "This isn't about Briar." She spoke sternly, but tears began to form anyway. "It's not?" Gabriel got down in his knees in front of her, matching his eye level to hers. "This has everything to do with Briar. And the sooner you realize how wonderful you are, the sooner you can get past the pain." "How would you know? A guy like you, who's always gotten the girls, probably never lost a fight, never LOST anything? I'm sure you've broken lots of girls' hearts. Never had a situation you couldn't get out of. You don't know SHIT about being hurt. About feeling lonely, and depressed and.." Her lips were quivering, her hands, shaking. She couldn't do this with him. He wanted to pretend that his perfect existence was any comparison to her lifetime of pain. "That's what you think, huh?" He took his thumb and rubbed her tears away. He stood up, feeling shot through the heart. She made the assumption that he had a perfect life. But she had no idea. "Six years ago, my fiancé left me. I had just seen her the night before, and she was glowing. We were getting married the next day. Her friends thought it would be a good idea for them to go out and celebrate her last night being unmarried. She never came home. "I played it in my mind for over a year. What could I have said? Where did I go wrong? Slowly, my life started turning downhill. I was losing fights, getting pretty beat up. My focus was gone. I just wanted answers. That's why I quit boxing. Next thing I knew, my house was foreclosed on. I lost my home, my car, and the love of my life. I couldn't get a job. Turned out, nobody had a need for a washed up fighter. I was cleaning gyms for a living." Shit. To say she felt bad was an understatement, to say the least. There she was, feeling sorry for herself, but that room had two broken people in it.. Not one. "Gabriel, I'm sorry. I didn't know." He turned back to her, and then came to sit next to her on the sofa. "I know how hard it is to pull it together when someone hurts you. But if you don't pull it together, you'll lose a lot more than just the person you love. Take my life as a good example. You don't have to be with me. But I just don't want you to give up on yourself." His hand caressed her cheek, before he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "It's been quite a day, huh?" He smiled lightly. "I should get going. I've made some weekend plans.. And I need a shower." He stood, moving slowly to the door. "Thanks for letting me crash. I left my number on a sticky note at your desk. Call me sometime, if you want." She stood at the door, watching as he went out to his car. "Gabriel?" He looked up, his eyes saying everything he wished he could say. "Thank you." ~*~*~*~*~ She spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about what he had said. She knew it was true, that the only reason she had allowed herself to feel this way was because she believed that what Briar did was a reflection on her as a girlfriend. But really, it was a reflection on him—as an asshole. She knew that part of ridding yourself of a problem was confronting it head on. So she decided to do just that. "Briar, it's Zoey. We need to talk." ~*~*~*~*~ To feel more secure, she got all dressed up. She dug up the red dress she had planned to wear on their anniversary. She wanted to make sure she looked good when she told him off. Black heels and a black bag made the outfit. She headed out the door thinking about what Gabriel had told her just hours ago. With that in mind, she grabbed her keys and headed out. Briar was always a snob, and to show it, he always made reservations at "exclusive" bars. When she got to Shade, she gave her name and was escorted to one of the private balconies. She sat and overlooked the skyline, feeling at peace, for just a moment. "My, my... Did you get all dressed up for me? I'm glad you reconsidered, Zo. It is GOOD to see you..." His emphasis on good was probably due to her perky C cup breasts being presented so well in the dress. The color of the dress was also arousing, when pressed up against her light brown skin. Briar closed the glass door behind him and pulled the sheer curtain. This was the nicest bar in Dennings. When you wanted a drink, you pressed the button next to the door, and a server came to tend to your needs. But most people opted for bottle service instead. Briar was no exception, and he swiftly introduced the bottle of Three Olives Berry and the carafe of cranberry juice. Drinks in hand, Briar started to compliment Zoey on her choice of attire. "No, Briar, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to tell you that this is the last time you will see me. I don't ever want to hear from you again. I want you out of my life." Briar scoffed. "What, is this about your meathead boyfriend? Look, there's no reason we can't remain friends. I still love you, and I don't want you to just be a memory. I need you to be a part of my life." "Fuck you Briar." Zoey turned to avoid his icy stare. "You never loved me. It took me until now to see it, but it's true." Briar set his glass on the coffee table. "Oh no? Then why do I still have this?" And then, just like that, Briar threw her for yet another loop. In his hand was the keychain she made him when they were kids. Back before they lost the innocence of their youth. Before she knew what love was... Back when he would sneak into the park with her late at night to push her on the swings when her parents fought. When he and Ben were still best friends. "I always have it with me. All the time. I know I fucked up, and I know you might never trust me again. Zoey, I'm just a man. I could say any number of things, and I have, but the truth is, I fucked up. And I am so sorry. Things weren't always like this between us..." "Stop it." Big heavy tears fell, and she was too frozen to wipe them away. "...Remember that time I fell off my bike and broke my arm? You came every day with Ben to visit me. You said your mom made you, but I know that's not true. You just sat there in the corner, pretending not to care. I never told you how glad I was to see you every time you walked in the door." "I was 15. It was just a crush." Still crying, Zoey remembered it all. She remembered sitting in the corner with her GameBoy, watching him when he wasn't looking, and tearing her eyes away when he did. Briar rested his hand on her thigh. "There's nothing I wouldn't give to see you look at me the way you used to. You made me feel superhuman. Like there was nothing I couldn't do." Zoey felt the corners of her mouth lift into a smile, and try as she might, she couldn't stop it. "There it is... The most beautiful smile in the state." Briar lifted his hand to her face, looking her in the eyes. "I love you, Zoey. And I know I don't deserve it, but I wish you'd give me another chance." ~*~*~*~ It was surprising they had made it into bed, really. After two bottles of vodka, it was a miracle they had driven home safely. It was all such a blur. She didn't remember drinking so much, but she did.. Because she felt it now. And even though she knew her judgment was slightly compromised, she didn't want to fight the parade of kisses that came her way. It felt good. It felt like home. "Oh my god, Zo. So fucking beautiful. Did you wear this dress for me baby? Tell me the truth. Mmmm.. I can't wait to make love to you." Briar was pulling up the hem of her dress, kissing her neck. He didn't want to waste time. She might change her mind, and he was in no position to turn back now. "Mmm.. yes. I did. I wanted you to see me looking sexy when I told you off!!" She started laughing. She was always a happy drunk. "I'm glad you changed your mind baby. And I'm gonna show you just how glad I am..." Briar pulled hard on the crotch of her panties, causing the fabric to tear and give him full site of his meal. There was no buildup. He dug right in, licking the folds of her wet little pussy, flicking her clit. Her moans were driving him mad, and if he didn't start fucking her soon, he might just cum from the excitement. He stood and removed his pants, and pulled his cock through the gap in his boxers. He was back on top of her in seconds, while she giggled and played with her nipples which had become exposed after all the pulling on her dress. His lips found hers in a quick kiss before he rammed his cock inside her. "Ohhh fuck, baby.. You haven't had sex with anyone since me, have you?" She didn't know how it happened.., the moment of clarity. It was like she saw herself from someone else's eyes. There he was, humping away at her, and she wasn't even enjoying it. He had said all the right words, and done all the right things, but she couldn't forget their past. Who was she kidding? Briar didn't care about her. Briar only cared about Briar. And she was just a fool who believed his lies. "Briar, stop." But he couldn't hear her. He was too wrapped up in his head. He was proud of himself. He had won the unwinnable girl. Twice. And now, he was just seconds from cumming. "Briar," her voice got louder, "Briar, stop!" But she was too late. She could feel his cock pulsating inside her, filling her with cum. He removed himself, shivering as her tight pussy continued to stroke him, even on his way out. "Fuck, Zo, I'm so sorry." "Did you not hear me say stop?!" She jumped out of the bed, running to the bathroom to clean herself up. When she came back, he was stretched across the bed, spent, and nearly asleep. Struggling Ch. 03 "I was totally gone, babe. I didn't even hear you until it was too late." Even in her drunken state, she knew now that this was wrong. "Fuck off Briar. I hope your dick falls off. God, I'm such an idiot..." She fixed her clothes and headed out, mumbling something about doing better for herself. Briar did not follow. ~*~*~*~ 4/10/11 2:12AM Don't be a fool. Fools psych themselves up to believe whatever sounds prettiest. Liars will wrap up the most beautiful packages, but when you open them, reality is still the same. I let myself believe that people can change. And maybe they can. But if we spend our lives waiting for people to do the right thing, we miss all the great "what if's". I will never drink with an enemy again. And I will never fall victim again. I am not a little girl anymore. ~*~*~*~ The next morning "Hi, I'm here to pick up a prescription for Zoey Claire?" "Ok, one second." The woman came back, and the look of judgment was all over her face. She handed her the bag, and held onto it for two seconds too long. "You really should be more careful, dear." "And you really ought to mind your own fucking business." Zoey turned to walk away, but then turned back. "Look, I'm sorry." "Sorry for what?" Gabriel approached, smile on his face, basket in hand. Looked like she wasn't the only one doing Sunday errands. His eyes dropped to the bag in her hand, and then back to meet hers. "Are you alright? Getting sick?" "More like avoiding it." The lady said, leaving room for suggestion. She slid the window closed before Zoey could take back her apology from just moments ago. Gabriel's eyes filled with concern. "Zoey, what's going on?" She couldn't raise her eyes to meet his. She was too ashamed and too nervous. Would he walk away and forget about her? How would she ever come back from this? After everything he had done to make her see what she didn't see until it was too late? She found the courage to look up at him, her honey amber eyes meeting his worried emeralds. "I slept with Briar." Struggling Ch. 04 "Wow." It came out in a sigh, just barely audible. Gabriel looked as though the wind had been knocked from his sails. And hadn't it? He had just been with her, not two days ago. How could that happen? He thought about asking her why, thought about getting angry, throwing a fit. But all he could really feel was sad and... disappointed. He turned and walked away, too upset to turn back. He was too shaken to even look back into those eyes in which just two days ago he had found himself entranced. "Gabriel?" Her voice was much too soft for him to hear. She wondered why she hadn't called out again; more loudly. Maybe it was because she knew he was too good for her. He was a dream come true and she was a nightmare. Princes rescued princesses- not wenches. She watched as he turned the corner, vanishing the way dreams do once you've been awake too long. ~*~*~*~ She curled up into an even tighter ball, pressing herself deeper into the couch. "And he just walked away, looking like I'd run over his cat. I swear, I don't know what to do. I'm such an idiot." "You're not an idiot. You're human. It was a mistake." The sound of Ben's voice came in through the phone, soothing her tears. She had always been able to rely on him. He was the only one who never left, never gave up. Her parents had given up. They gave up, and tried to start all over again- like a vicious cycle that would never end. They had been separated more times than Carrie and Big, but in the end, they just weren't meant to be. "Zo, listen. Briar is a con artist. It's what he does. He takes advantage of people with kind hearts and good intentions. People like you. People like me." Zoey thought back to the night Briar left her. It was an unceremonious affair, really. They went to dinner, where he seemed completely distracted by his thoughts. He refused to talk to her about what was bothering him, so she asked him straight out. She must have seemed blind to him, but she wasn't. The girls at the shop had begun looking at him with unbridled lust. And they looked at her like she was the biggest idiot ever born. By the time she had gotten up the nerve to try to forgive him, he was calling to break things off. "Zo, I've gotta get back to work. You sure you don't want me to take the rest of the day off? I can swing by and take you for ice cream?" "Don't bother. I gave in and bought some. One pint down, two to go." She sighed. "Thanks big brother. You're the best." They hung up, and Zoey tried to find a way to pull herself off the couch. She had heard that depression could make you feel like your whole body was in pain.. But right now it was her heart. It was like it had stopped beating, and the rest of her just stopped too. A single tear left her eye before she decided to just stay on the couch. ~*~*~*~ She thought sleeping it off would make her feel better, but it did nothing. She has been in the same spot on that couch for half a day, and still wouldn't move. She had thought of ways to explain herself to Gabriel, but there simply was no good way to do it. "He made me do it, I was weak!" "Well, what did you expect Gabe? I'm a woman, after all!!" She winced at that one. "I'm sorry. OK?" She tried to imagine how she would feel if the tables were turned. What if Gabriel had sex with his ex? Would she be able to look past that? After she had just surrendered herself to him in her bed? But he didn't surrender himself. He was charming, handsome, feeling her up... But he didn't put himself in a difficult position with her. Did he? ~*~*~*~ Gabriel tried, again, to find reason in the confusion. One minute, she's looking into his eyes making him feel like the most powerful man in the world, the next, she's stomping on his heart. "I slept with Briar." Was that it? No apology? No nothing? Sure, she looked remorseful, but that could just as easily have been the understanding that he might not want her anymore. How many guys would still be interested in a girl who has no idea of her own worth? But he was. It didn't make sense, but he found himself that much more pulled to her. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and tell her it was alright. To forgive her, despite everything in his brain that told him to steer clear. As hard as it was for his brain to comprehend, his heart had completely lost itself to her. Night had fallen, and despite the fact that it was completely unlike him, he decided to go out and have a nice dinner. He figured it might clear his head, and fill his belly. Both were important, as he hadn't eaten since he realized what was in the prescription bag. A short drive later, he found himself sitting at a quiet table near the window at his favorite place. He finished his risotto and was waiting for the main course when a flash of light brown legs caught his attention. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but he did a double take either way. When he came into eye contact with Deanna, his heart stopped. "Oh my god.. if it isn't Gabriel "Godsend" Keegan. How are you?" Her dark stare contradicted her smile. "I'm well, thanks." He wasn't sure what else to say... What was there to say to someone who left you the night before your wedding and never saw you again?? "You can afford a place like this? Wow, I mean after what I'd last heard of you, I was sure you'd move back home with your folks and die of embarrassment." Her smile grew even bigger now, and he could tell that she was really taking delight in the moment. It wasn't enough to break a man's heart and turn him into the laughing stock of town... She needed to laugh at him too. And in his face, no less. Gabriel lifted his hand to signal the waiter. "I'll take the rest of my meal boxed, and the check. Please." "Oh, don't let me ruin your meal..." She grabbed the waiter's arm before he could get away, her almost black eyes digging into him. "Actually, I'll be joining him. Bring his food, and I'll take a Moroccan salad, dressing on the side." The waiter looked back to Gabriel, who now was looking out the window. "Now, little man, or I'll have your job." She sat across from the man she once loved, now completely uncertain of how she felt. There was a time when she would give the world to him. But she realized that no man was worth that. And that realization took her to dark, new, wonderful places. "What could you possibly want from me, Deanna? You've already seen me hurt, heard of my financial problems, what could possibly be left?" She feigned sadness for just a moment before leaning in. "Well, I suppose to do it again would be nice." She paused. "Oh, come on, I'm kidding! I wish I could say I'm sorry about that way things happened before, but we both know you deserved what you got." "Deserved? What man deserves to find out on his wedding day that his fiancé never showed up?!" She shrugged, and a true sadness came over her. It was so brief that if he'd blinked he would have missed it completely. "The kind of man that 'wins' her as a bet and makes her think he's really in love." ~*~*~*~ After feeling sorry for herself an entire day, Zoey figured she'd go online and update her blog. When she made into her bedroom, she saw a bright yellow post-it note with his name and number on it. She wasn't going to get any sleep tonight anyways... How much worse could she make things? The phone rang twice before a female voice answered. "Hello?" There was music in the background, and she could hear Gabriel in the background. "Uh, yea... Is, uhm, Gabriel there?" The woman giggled. "He's kinda busy right now..." More laughter. Were they fooling around? "Can I give him a message?" "This is... Could you just tell him... No, nevermind." Zoey hung up and stared blankly at her phone. He had moved on that fast? She felt herself about to cry again, but she stopped herself. If he was moving on that fast, she was going to have to suck it up and do the same. But that was so much easier said than done. ~*~*~*~ Gabriel took the phone from Deanna's outstretched hand and reached into his pocket. "You know, that 'bet' was the only thing keeping you from getting the shit kicked out of you that night. It's no secret Sean was kicking your ass. I figured I'd beat him at pool and save you the bruises. He had found out about your little outing with Trey. You'd have known that six years ago if you had just asked me straight out." Just as the waiter came back with their food, Gabriel handed him $200. The waiter started to say something, but Gabriel just said "keep the change," and he got lost. "And just so you know? I did hit rock bottom. After losing you, my life went topsy-turvy. But I make more money now than I ever have, so I guess I'm glad you left me. I guess without even knowing it you repaid the favor." Gabriel grabbed his jacket and started to leave. "Is it true? What you said?" Deanna felt her hardened surface cracking, but she just had to know. "I never lied to you in all the years I respected you. Why start now?" He turned to head out again, and looked back. "No, now you've made a liar of me. I lied once. When I said I'd love you until the day I died." There was more he wanted to say, but it didn't matter. Nothing she said could undo the hurt, and even just looking at her made him want to go find a cold dark place to hide. In the parking lot, Gabriel looked at his call history. It was a number he didn't recognize, and immediately he thought the worst. When he pressed the number to call back, his fears were answered. Zoey answered the phone, feeling a huge rush of mixed emotions. "Gabriel?" ~*~*~*~ Fifteen minutes later, Gabriel found himself on her doorstep. He took a deep breath and pressed the buzzer, unsure of what he'd say first. When she opened the door, neither of them spoke. She just stood there looking at the ground. He could tell she'd been crying, and it made him want to cry too. They had been playing tag with hurt feelings, and it was taking a toll on them both. "Can I come in?" She moved turned and walked in, leaving the door open. He came in and closed it behind him, still thinking of where to begin. Luckily for him, she began. "I've never been good with guys. In high school, I never dated. I was a nervous wreck. I didn't have the charm that other girls had. I wasn't sexy, I wasn't funny, and I wasn't really all that smart. So when my brother's best friend, who I'd secretly loved my whole life, asked me to date him in college, it was a no-brianer. I thought things were finally looking up for me. And when he ended things a few months ago, I didn't know how to go back to who I was before him. And I didn't want to." Gabriel watched her as she paced back and forth, working the words out. "And then I met you. And you were everything I asked for every night before bed when I was younger. You seemed to know my heart better than I did. And it scared me so much... I didn't know that was possible." She finally stopped pacing and looked up at him. "I haven't done anything to earn your respect, and I know that I'm not worthy of you. But I'd hate to think that one mistake could be the end of anything that could have been between you and I." Gabriel felt like now it was his turn to explain. "I'm sorry about tonight. And I'm sorry about this morning. I shouldn't have left you in the store like that. When you said you'd slept with Briar, I figured you were going back to him. And I couldn't bear to hear you say that." They both just stood there, not really certain where to go. "Are you... Are you seeing someone else now?" Zoey met his gaze. "No." "But that girl-" "My ex." "The one who-" "Yep." They both broke out into laughter and Gabriel stepped closer. It wasn't that they were actually happy. It was the strange turn of events. They both had crazy horrible exes that wanted to hurt them, who instead, drove them back to each other. Gabriel wrapped his arms around Zoey in a hug that she matched. As they both closed their eyes, Zoey breathed deep hoping to remember this forever. "I don't want to let you go." Gabriel felt the tears welling up in his eyes. She said that he was everything she had hoped and prayed for. And she was the answer to his prayers too. "Don't make me let you go." When Zoey looked up into his eyes, she knew right away. "I'm not going anywhere." He leaned down and kissed her, cupping her face in his hand. The kiss grew deeper by the second, and before he could stop himself, he had her in his arms with her legs wrapped around his thick torso. It must have been the sounds she was making, or maybe the way she made him feel- it was as though he was the only man in the world, and she had lay claim to him. When he sat her down on the bed, they looked at each other for only a moment before they locked into each other again. This time was somehow even deeper, and as they kissed and nipped at one another, more and more clothes made their way to the floor. When he removed her bra, he heard himself growl in his throat. She had never found herself feeling so sexy before. She found herself seducing him with her eyes and her posture, pressing her breasts further toward him, taunting him. But when her eyes discovered the bulge in his underwear, she felt herself go cold. Gabriel looked down at his erection, and then back at her. He loved that she became so shy when she looked at him or felt him. And tonight, she would feel him. He lie down beside her and pulled her on top of him. The kissing continued, and she began to relax again. With her on top, she felt as though she had more control. And this gave her the freedom she needed to explore without fear. Her hand found its way down his body, taking note of just how hard his chest and abs were. "Mmmm.. I love your body". Then, without thought, she slipped her hand into his boxer briefs. His cock jumped at first, which made her jump a little too. It was so thick she could barely get her hand all the way around it. When she did, she gave it a small stroke, and Gabriel thought he was going to lose it. His hand found her hair and pulled her down in a kiss. While she continued to stroke his cock, he used his other hand to gently squeeze her breast. They were both working up into a frenzy of sorts when she pulled away and sat up. She loved the sounds he made, and wanted more. As she slid down his body, stopping with her face just inches from his cock, Gabriel took in a deep breath. His cock was throbbing, and the anticipation of her soft lips making contact was driving him mad. She looked up into his eyes, and he found innocence in hers. And then, lust. She slid his underwear down to his knees and marveled at the size of him. She wrapped her hand around his shaft, so thick she could barely close her hand around it, and took a deep breath. Without breaking eye contact, she began her slow, torturous assault. Her tongue, having been used only moments ago to kiss his lips, was now giving a very different kind of kiss. A long sigh escaped him, turning to a growl as her mouth closed on the head of his cock. He allowed his hand to brush against her cheek, watching her eyes close as she seemed to find bliss. She began taking more of him into her mouth, being sure to use her tongue for added pressure and to caress the tip of his cock every time she came back up to it. As her mouth engulfed him once more, she allowed him in deeper, relaxing her throat. Even though it was right in front of her, she hadn't expected the stretch of her throat to be so severe. She began gagging, still trying to take him all in. This was not lost on Gabriel, as the sight of a woman gagging herself on his cock was one of his biggest turn-ons. It was right up there with watching tears form in the corner of a woman's eyes... And so understandably, seeing Zoey's honey colored eyes fill with tears nearly set him off. He pulled her up, filled with a powerful hunger not soon to be quenched. Despite his intention to lie her down gently, he found himself nearly tossing her beneath him. He pulled off her underwear with one hand, ripping them from her body. "I have wanted you from the moment I first saw you," was all he said before dropping to his knees in front of her. Right away, he began licking her most tender flesh, first slowly, then more aggressively. As she began to moan and dance beneath him, he found himself picking up speed. "Yes... Oh my g... FUCK YES..." Her chants and screams grew louder, as he inserted a finger into her. Her g-spot was swollen, as was her clit. Any moment now, she would burst. But he needed to feel her cum. To really feel it... And so he stood, his cock throbbing, angry, and swollen. She pulled herself further onto the bed, and he came to climb on top of her. For just a moment he paused, as she ground her hips toward him, anxious. "What? What's wrong?" She felt more naked than before. 'Is there a way to be more naked than nude?' She thought. A few rogue hairs had found themselves on her face, and he brushed then away gently. "I want to take my time... This... This first time will never happen again. I don't want to forget it." He lowered his lips to kiss her, simultaneously breaching her walls. They sighed together, both feeling more connected than to any other person before. Gabriel and Zoey made love that night. As they looked into each other's eyes, feeling more secure, and certain than they ever had before, the world went on. The moon and the stars disappeared, and soon light began to peak through the curtains. When they finally fell asleep, legs and hearts intertwined, there was no sound but for the birds chirping outside her window. ~*~*~*~ 4/11/11 5:57PM I have given years of my life to finding someone who would make my heart beat faster, and make my mind slow down. A person who would take away worry with a kiss... A person who would show me what it means to breathe. I don't know what I've done to earn this man, and I don't know why he chose me. All I know is that I will never let circumstance take him away from me. We both deserve to be happy... And at this point, I can't see myself being happy without him. Go out and find your love. Find them, hold them, and never let them go. ~*~*~*~ That night... "Martini, stirred, extra dirty." "A dirty martini? You struck me as more of a pina colada, strawberry daiquiri, sweet and fruity kind of girl." He had already sized her up from across the room, and had been waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. "And you struck me as more of a doer as opposed to a talker. I guess we can't always be right." She lifted her drink to her mouth, watching him as he watched her. He offered his hand. "Where are my manners... Briar Joseph. And you are...?" She smiled. "Deanna. Deanna Mitchell."