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Shame Ch. 02

By: Lightbrown24



I want to thank everybody for the response to Shame. The numbers are low but the written response was more than enough. I want to continue the ride with Torrie and Ignacio. I have where I want it to go, I can't wait till I get to those points in the story. What is happening right now is leading up to the accident. The actual accident won't happen for a couple of chapters, at least. It will depend on how I want to play with it. I had thought about switching between present and past but, nah. I don't know if this chap. is as exciting as the first but it serves a purpose. I know everybody doesn't like the subject of cheating...You may like Torrie even less after this chapter. Those who don't mind, enjoy. As always feedback is welcomed, Thanks guys :D

*****

Do you think you know who I am, now? Are you judging me? Am I sad, desperate? Trust me, you are thinking no more than all the things I had called myself. I promised to start the next day off with a clean slate. 

I walked around my office like nothing in me had changed. Nobody had spray painted whore on my door. I spoke to people and smiled like everything was okay. No one looked at me different. I went on with my work and tried to stay positive. I tried to push what happened the night before out my mind. My upset stomach was another reminder, tequila. I popped some Alka-seltzer in my water and skipped the coffee. 

My attempts to stay focused were feeble. I kept replaying what I had seen in the mirror. The images flashed like a picture show popping up randomly, while I was trying to concentrate. I pressed speaker to call my assistant. I had to fix the error from yesterday there was no time for this. Yesterday...

Ignacio ripping my bra apart

"Jen, could you bring me the reports for the sales that were done two weeks ago?" I put my hands to my temple. I was trying to massage away the images.

Ignacio's head between my thighs, "Oh" slipped from my throat.

"Here they are, did you say something else Torrie?" Natasha walked in and looked up from the stack of papers with a raised eye brow. 

Ignacio's tongue tracing back up my body right before he...

"No, not at all, thanks. I will take these two weeks. Can I count on you for the first two? They were slower for intake, I know you can handle it." I was hot all over, I began fanning myself. 

"Of course! Thanks for trusting me". She smiled and walked out, leaving me alone with my torture.

I needed to get a grip. I went to the restroom to splash water in my face. I could see Ignacio's ass flexing in the mirror as he slammed into me.

Come on, focus. It was a mistake, you can't go back. That is what I told myself, but my body was begging me to. Jen walked in and gave me a worried look. Did I look that bad, I gave myself a once over. My hair was straight and neat. My gray wool suit pants were pressed, and my white shirt was clean. The only thing that was an indication something was wrong, was my tired eyes. As well as the harried look on my face, dead giveaway.

"Torrie? Are you ok? I'm sorry my mess up is making extra work for us. I know this has put us behind." 

"Jen, its fine. I am fine, my stomach is just a little upset. This is not about you. We talked about it yesterday and I said everything that needed to be said," I tried to smile. Jen looked like a sad porcelain doll. Her family was from the Philippines and at first glance it was hard to tell her ethnicity. Her slim face was full of worry. We were the same height; I looked her in the eye. "We just have to get on our grind and make sure it doesn't ever happen again." We walked together back towards my office, passing the reception desk on the way.

"Ms. Du Rone, " The receptionist called. "Mr. Lancaster would like to see you in his office. I had just left you a message."

Jen gave me a worried look. Nothing good, in the present circumstances would come from that meeting. Mr. Lancaster was my boss; we hadn't spoken about the error yet. I told Jen to pick up where I left off with the checks. 

Upstairs was what I expected. I didn't get in too much trouble though I got scolded. He mainly focused on Jen, they wanted her out. I told him she had improved and I would work with her. He told me, the company couldn't afford another avoidable error. I needed to fire her once he got the ok from the regional office. My mood was sour the rest of the day. I tried not to take it out on Jen. The situation at work had successfully pushed Ignacio out my head for the time being. 

I didn't think about it again until I passed Pappasitos on the way to dinner...

*****

As we kissed I felt so much better. This was right. He was safe. I belonged, and I wasn't breaking a commandment. The was the other reason I was the lowest of the low. I broke the kiss pulling back from my man. My actual man not the one that belonged to someone else. I felt like I had on a scarlet letter. Any minute he would ask me some question to make me blurt out I cheated. 

"What's wrong with you?" James looked concerned. The candle between us flickered in his eyes and his brow furrowed. With the dim lighting in the place, it made his face stand out. I didn't really want to look at him. 

"Nothing, I'm just relieved to be around you." I gave my best smile. I feared the 2 showers weren't enough. I had showered that night, and this morning. But around James, guilt was making me crazy. I could swear he breathed in a deep breath and smelled another man on me. He was going to call bullshit.

"You know I know you T, you seem nervous. Something is going on in there." he reached out and touched my forehead. I smiled again. 

"Just work. They want me to fire Jen, you know, my assistant. Apparently the mess up with pay role was her last strike. I never wanted to do that, fire someone. It's coming I can't even say anything to her, not until everything is final. I feel like an ass." This was true. As I came down from the high from last night, the unpleasantness continued at work. I was told what I was dreading. I liked Jen, she was sweet. She just needed to pay more attention to detail. I would have loved to work with her; but in this economy the higher ups felt like they didn't have to wait. They could get someone more efficient begging for a job and they were right. 

"Baby, when you got this promotion you knew this was part of the job. Its business, not personal. Doing your job doesn't make you a bad person." James had gotten up and moved over to my side of the table to comfort me. His hand was on my knee caressing it, his look full of understanding. 

Does fucking a married man make me a bad person? Or just the fact I cheated on you is enough? The thoughts in my head were on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to pull away from his touch. Instead I tried to push the previous night from my mind. Maybe I can be good and put it behind me. 

James was not perfect, but he was good. We were good together. I was a smart ass and he was sweet. I was a little wild and he was sensible. We were like puzzle pieces; I figured I was happy. I mean, I was happy. My slip up meant nothing to me. I loved James and I would never hurt him on purpose. I let him talk me up as we ate in one of my favorite places, Carrabba's on Kirby. He picked it because he knew I liked it. See how good he is? I knew he would want to make love that night and I would not deny him. Though I insisted we go to his house. I was paranoid he would know what happened if he stepped in my space.

James was a good looking man. Like many black people I knew in Houston including myself, he had family in Louisiana. But, he, looked like he had come straight out of a Creole fantasy. He had skin like buttermilk, thick wavy black hair and a straight nose. He stood 6'3, built like a ball player. He was everything I wanted. I will admit it was his looks that first got my attention. We met at a mixer for black professionals. My back was turned his direction but, I saw the reactions from the group of woman I was talking to. Someone even said damn. I had to turn to look, I then said my own damn. He asked the group if he could borrow me for a dance. From that moment I knew he would be the man I married. We complimented each other so well. Now, It was hard to even look in his eyes. They were brown like the other...But I had to, he was here first. 

James always said he loved my darker skin. Being in the south I could have had a skin complex. My eyes are what gave me more problems than my skin. At 5'4 I was definitely short compared to him. I also had some curves on me. I stayed in the gym to make sure they didn't get out of control. I fluctuate between sizes 6 and 8. I have one of those weird bodies for clothes, in something's it was a 6 and others it's a 8. James loved my body, and he loved I stayed in the gym. Sometimes I wondered what would happen if I stopped going. 

When it came to our making love, it was like clockwork. Not in a bad way. It was like my favorite foods, comforting. I loved his touch. When we had time, he would start from my calves up to the top of my head. That night hurt the worst because it was so tender, like a plea. He said he missed me so much. He seemed to know he could lose me. He undressed me, then himself. Then he laid me on the bed kissing me all over. Kissing my nipples, he sucked on my skin tender. I was grateful for the lights off. I had forgotten about the mark until his lips touched it. I winced in pain, how disgusting. I can't do this. I wanted to just leave but I couldn't, why should James have to suffer? Honestly, my body was ready for more sexual contact. I would not let him taste me though. Not where another man had been, not yet a full day before. 

"Baby, not tonight. I just need to feel you inside me" I whispered pulling his head up. That was my cover, partly true. I needed to know he could still fill me like before. I would know then nothing was lost; I wouldn't be craving another man. I had a brief hesitation. The old women use to always say men could tell. That it would feel different to a man when someone else had been in their women. Was that true? I pressed my hands to his chest to delay him. I couldn't do this I couldn't take- He pushed forward into me against my hands. I gasped. It still made me catch my breath, so now I could breathe in relief.

It was slower. My hands were in his hair and his arms under me, as we kissed. I felt our hips meet as he pushed every inch into me. He was hitting my spot. I gave out a long cry wrapping my hands around him, squeezing him tight. Nothing but the moon coming through his large windows was illuminating us. He pushed my left leg up, slightly picking up his pace while grinding into me. The sight of his silhouette turned me on. "James, shit." 

My leg started to tremble I felt the sensation rising up through my leg. We are still here I thought. This is what I want. James hooked my leg in his arm as he leaned down to kiss me. He pushed my knee further back, closer to my face and him deeper inside. I climaxed and my legs turned to jelly. He rolled me over so I could ride him to his own end. I gave all the energy I had left moving my hips in tight circles. I placed my hands on his chest for leverage. I began to raise my ass and then crash back down onto his dick. We came together and I moved to lay on his hairless chest. I was in his arms in a bed; not some random restroom floor. I was somebody's woman. Not some whore to be used in public. I drifted off to sleep feeling better than last night. I would do right by James.

*****

I didn't go to the gym for a week, which is big for me. I usually go four times a week. I ran at the park instead. It was safe there, I was constantly moving. Not stuck in one place where someone could stare at me for long periods of time. I wanted to act like nothing had happened. I started falling into my routine again. The next week I went to the gym closer to my house, instead of the one by my job. 

As always life made sure it would get the drama it wanted. Just when I was back comfortable in my life, a wretch got thrown in it. The third week, the gym by my house had a pipe burst in the steam room. It went into the walls causing mold in the locker rooms. They were closing it down for the week to clean and fix everything. The sign on the door said we were welcome to use the other locations. Of course we were. The next close gym was the one by my job, he one where HE worked out.

I could have made a better decision. I could have ran twice a week, then the gym on the days I was by James. He had one semi close to his house. But no. I guess part of me wanted to prove a point to myself. No one could run me from anywhere and I had self control. 

I stepped into the gym and scanned the area quickly. I sighed with relief, I didn't see him. 

Maybe I was catching a break. I did my cardio then cut it short. I really needed to focus on the weight machines. Today was upper body, I was on my triceps when I felt the stare. It felt like my back was on fire. Shit. I shouldn't have stepped foot in here if I was serious. I knew better, what is going on with me? You could have avoided this, you know you could've; you didn't have to come here. 

You must want it...

No! I refused to look, and as long as I stayed away from corners I was good. Around all these people I would be alright. I concentrated my work out. Eventually Ignacio crossed into my line of vision. I couldn't tell if it was on purpose. He had come out the steam room talking with two other men. His body was covered in sweat and he had taken off his shirt. I saw a drop trickling down the line of hair on his abs that led to his abdomen. My eyes followed it till it went past his loose gym shorts. I wanted to lick it up with my tongue; I felt so dirty. I squeezed my thighs together like my pussy was going to call out to him. I tore my eyes away. I tried to ignore him as I moved to the ab machine. 

When I came up from my crunch, one of the other men was looking at me. He then, shook his head and turned back to Ignacio, who smiled and shook his. What the hell? Is this motherfucker telling his gym buddies what happened? At that moment the other friend looked and waved with a leer. Anger began to boil inside me as my eyes began to water. 

Did I deserve this for what I had done, shame and humiliation? Was this high school? This time the farfetched rumors would be true. Damn that, true or not what kind of man goes around gossiping? I may not even have a right to be mad, but I was mad as hell. He was going to get the cursing of his life, a broken nose, and then I would never step foot in this gym again. I was even thinking of having my brother or a cousin beat him down. Yes, we can take it back to high school. 

They glanced at me again and I was going to explode. He seemed so sincere, but don't be dumb Torrie. How sincere can a cheating man be? I finished my reps in a hurry. I was about to make a bee line for him. I stopped and decided it was best to get my belongings, to make a quick exit. I was ready to rip him a new one. I hurried and changed; didn't want him to leave before I got my chance to go off. I could shower at home. 

When I rounded the corner of the dressing room, I saw him standing on the other side of the walk way. Perfect, the only people who could see us, were the guys on the basket ball court. They were busy with their game. I could get a knee to the balls in first. 

"You motherfucker, you are telling people?! Laughing with your friends you piece of shit! I regret everything. I won't be talked about where I have to show my face!" I yelled through my teeth. My knee connected with his groin. He bowed down grasping my shoulder for support. I shook him off. I wanted him to go down to his knees. He didn't, almost like he refused. 

"What the hell are you talking about?" he coughed looking up at me with a red strained face. 

"I saw you talking with your friends. Y'all kept looking at me laughing, leering, you think I'm stupid? All a woman has is her reputation, you fucking bastard." I was trying not to cry but my angry tears began to fall. Women were coming out the locker room trying to ignore us. Some guys on the court had looked up when they noticed Ignacio go down. 

I didn't have the strength to punch him anymore. I just walked out the gym as fast as I could wiping my face. Why did this guy always get me emotional? I had only spoken to the man twice and both times it was heated. Both times I ran away and he followed. This time a little slower than the last, he was slightly limping. Good I could smile at that.

"Wait Torrie wait! I didn't! Torrie, I didn't!" 

As I was fumbling with my keys, he had time to catch up. I hit the alarm and opened the door. It was too late, he had made it up to me. Ignacio slammed the door and snatch my keys out my hand. "What's wrong with you?! You don't have the right to take my keys!" My knee went up again, but this time he was protecting himself. I had no space; he had me pressed against my door

"You will listen," his eyes burned into mine, his face was still full of color. He looked even more menacing with a hood pulled over his head. The shadow made his brown eyes seem darker. I stopped fighting, breathing hard I gave the meanest face I could. "You will listen to what I have to say AND let me finish. Instead of jumping to crazy conclusions and running like a little girl!" He grabbed my chin with his other hand.

"Fuck you!" I said still looking in his eyes my back pressed against the car. I struggled to turn my head from his touch.

"You did, it was the best sex of my life..." He smirked slightly and let my face go. Then his face went back serious. "I didn't tell a soul. I wouldn't do that to you or me for that matter." I wanted him to stop looking in my eyes I saw something in them when he mentioned our sex. God help me.

"Then why were you looking? You think I am an idiot? You guys were talking about me." I had lowered my voice. The force I had before was gone. He was making me feel small.

"That is true, we were talking about you. Not about that, they know nothing of what happen between us. You are a beautiful, sexy woman. People notice you, my friends noticed you as I did. We have had light discussions about you is the past. They were remarking on how you showed back up at the gym. You haven't been here in 2 weeks. You have been avoiding me..." He looked down at that last statement. 

"I have. I want to forget you and what happened that night." I shivered. It was the last day of November, so it had finally gotten cold in Texas. I still wasn't certain what had caused my shiver, the cold or him. "You may not care about being unfaithful, but I do. I have a boyfriend who I'm probably going to marry. I won't let you fuck up my karma." I made to push him off me, his heavy body finally gave.

"You have a boyfriend? " I saw jealously flash in his eyes. It was quick, if I had blinked at that moment, I would have missed it. The nerve of him being jealous, it was laughable. 

I rolled my eyes looking up into the skies gray overcast. "Yes I do. What? You thought I would be your own personal sex doll? Get over yourself. You know nothing about me." I pressed back against him reaching for my keys. 

"Torrie... I know I have no right to ask anything or expect anything from you. But I can't get what happened out my mind. I know you can't either." He pressed me back on my car. "I know it has been driving you crazy; like I have been going crazy. Thinking about me taking you again, anywhere we feel like." I felt his hands rubbing against my mound through my sweats. I hoped they were thick enough to hide my wetness. I had been wet since he first pushed me against the car; even more so when he called me a little girl. Please, let them be thick enough. My body began to betray me as a moved against his finger, I spread wider. 


Shame Ch. 02



He kissed me and I let him. I parted my lips so his tongue dipped into my mouth. I wanted to taste him, his lips were salty from sweat. The line that I wouldn't cross the previous night had disappeared. I begin crying again, this time because what he said was true. I did think about him. I had the feeling I would let him do whatever he wanted to me, wherever. The tears made the wind freeze on my face. My ears were beginning to hurt from being outside too long. I wanted him to push me inside the car, face down, then yank my sweats to my knees. I wanted to feel him slide in and out of me roughly. I felt his hands going under my jacket. I was nearing the point of no return; I had to give us a reality check.

"Please don't make me...That doesn't matter Ignacio. You made a vow and I made a promise. I won't let this happen, we are adults. We can't just do things cause they feel good!" I felt him tense up again and his hands stopped moving. 

He backed away looking in my eyes; I saw the look in his had changed. I had brought up his vows. He looked like I slapped him in the face. Those deep brown eyes were filled shame, but they still had lust in them. At least he had shame too, maybe we could both be stronger than this pull we have. 

"I love my wife," he struggled with his words. "I- I love my family. I didn't search for you 

Torrie, we just crossed paths. You are right...I'm being selfish. It doesn't matter that now, since that night, ache for you." He backed up two more steps running his hand over his face. Letting out an exasperated sigh, he stared at me. I looked back in silence. I wouldn't confirm I ached for him too, not aloud. He looked towards the gym. I did too. We were being careless just like the night before, had anyone seen?

"Bye, Ignacio." I turned to get in my car. I locked the door once I got in, just in case he came back. I wouldn't have the strength to stop if he did. I watched him jog back inside and his hood fell. He looked back as I backed my 350z out of the space. Without his hood I could see his face clearly. It was full of longing; I prayed mine wasn't clear as his. I continued glancing at him in my rearview mirror until I turned on the street.

Deep down I knew that this wasn't the end, nothing is that simple. Why did we have to look back? That was very telling... Just like the overcast sky something was coming. A storm that was cold and unforgiving. 

*****

I was going to spend December and the beginning of January at James's house. Since the holidays were coming, we knew we would be together a lot anyway. He and I lived on opposite sides of town, so this arrangement would be convenient. I was excited. We were going to decorate his house and get a tree. Last year we did the separate holiday thing, meeting up, and then going our separate ways. It would also be testing out living together. We didn't say it out loud but we both were thinking it.

After I left the gym, I went to the mall to clear my head and browse. Today was moving in day; I didn't want to bring that conversation home with me. The holiday season always made me happy, people seemed nicer. I loved the decorations; the forest green, blue and gold was sparkling from wall to wall. The Christmas music blasted through the speakers of the mall; they started earlier every year it seemed. I loved feeling like I was in a wonderland. I looked at gifts for James and my family. I was just getting ideas. Filling my head with other things helped to push Ignacio out my mind, but not completely.

I found myself thinking about the situation as I passed through the stores. I had been cheated on before, a long time ago in college. I remembered the hurt and betrayal I felt. I thought I was going to marry that guy and live happily ever after. That all went out the window when the other woman confronted me, in the student center. She was mad that I wouldn't let him go so she could have him to herself. Obviously, I couldn't handle him. What a dumb bitch. I almost got kicked out of school that day for whooping her ass. My world was crushed. I cried and yelled, while the guy acted like nothing was really wrong. He was a man; accept it. At least I was his number one. I slapped him. I couldn't be that stupid woman. I stopped with the assholes that day and didn't give second chances. 

I wouldn't be that girl, acting like I had rights to Ignacio. He didn't belong to me. Wait. I didn't want him, and wouldn't have him. I needed to change my way of thinking, He was the past. I had the car, I had the job, and the boyfriend who was great. The boyfriend would never push me or force me. We hadn't even had a real serious argument yet. I would not ruin it for a man I didn't know and had no future with.

I needed James, he kept me in line. He didn't have to be aggressive. I listened because I knew he was right. I knew we could make a family together. I could see the house and the 2 kids with him. He had a great job, as a corporate lawyer. He handsome, he had the whole package. No. I would not be stupid.

I left the mall ready to move forward. I looked up at the clouds hoping the sun would break through as a sign, that the same thing could happen in my life. I loved the sky no matter what the weather was, to me it always looked beautiful and interesting. 

I watched happy families coming and going. They looked picture perfect. I wondered if everyone was being honest in that family. I wondered if they were really as happy as they looked. I also wondered if I saw Ignacio out with his family would they look just as perfect and happy? 

I shook myself and headed to my car, enough with this thinking of him. It was time to go play house.



Shame Ch. 03



Hmm...Some of y'all are cold blooded like Rick James. It's cool. Sometimes story's will not always be happy that's life. Sometimes they are train wrecks we, as readers, can't look away from. I remember reading a story where I didn't morally agree with the character's actions. At times I hated her, but I never forgot that story. Not to say that this is some great work, I don't think I'm near that. I am just saying, to me, if something I created can incite so much emotion from someone...I take it as a compliment ; ). Its fiction and this is Literotica sometimes things get dirty. This could be a cautionary tale or just the side of the other woman whatever it is. It is what it is. As always I hope you enjoy, Feedback is always appreciated, thanks guys :D

~Lana~ 

*****

At least, I could say I gave it a try. At least, I didn't go running to him. I changed my routine, I went to work out in the morning. I didn' t see Ignacio in the flesh for a whole week and a half. In my mind, I was spinning out of control. I could pacify myself and say things that I did were mere coincidence. Like my stopping by Pappasitos after work. My position at the bar facing the door, so what if I looked up every time someone walked in. Did that mean I was searching? 

The next day I stopped by the gym because I left my bag in the locker that morning. Did I do it on purpose, could I have waited? I mean it is against the rules to leave things. I need it...the bag is what I need. I walked in and had my card scanned. My eyes met his immediately. I felt him follow me until I was out of sight. Even so, I was true to my word, I didn't say a thing to him. I was hoping that just seeing his face outside my dreams would be enough.

My heart sped up when I left. I practically ran to my car. I drove away looking in my rear view. I saw him at the door. He had come after me. What was I playing at? 

It took everything I had not to turn around. I felt weak, like I had no self-control. I didn't want to say my dreams and thoughts were driving me to search for him. That my perfect setup wasn't enough for me. That I craved what I had gotten in the restroom, almost a month ago. I wanted to cry and shake all over. My throat felt dry like I was in danger of having a panic attack thinking of the situation. Earlier, that day I locked my office and brought myself to a climax to relieve the pressure I was feeling. That is why I went to the gym and Pappasito's. What had he done to me against that wall? It was like a seed had been planted that night, it was spreading over me like weeds. 

On the outside, it seemed great, James and I were getting along ok. I could see that if I wanted, we could live together; fit our lives in his home. He stood behind me in the mirror as I got ready to go to his firm's Christmas party. 

I put in sapphires to offset the beaded indigo strapless cocktail dress I had on. I paired it with thick black stockings because it was freezing outside. It didn't take away from the look my curves showed outrageous but a touch of class. Simple black suede round toe pumps was enough to complete the outfit. They dress was doing it on its own. My hair was swept up a couple of strains loose for effect. As I bent over to apply eyeliner, I felt James press against me. 

"You look beautiful T. I will be this luckiest man at the party. I can't wait to show you off." He bent down to kiss my neck, and I smiled a genuine smile." He wore a black tuxedo and bow tie. It was classic and tailored to fit his tall frame. I turned to help clasp his sleek Movado watch. It was simple and elegant. We looked like we belonged on the cover of Essence. 

"Thanks baby, but if you keep up, we won't make it and I won't be able to show off this dress." I gave him a peck on the lips before I applied lipstick. It was the first time I would be meeting most of the people James worked with. 

I had been to a few dinners, and a cook out. Those were mainly with his boss and another partner he was close with. A lot of other things clashed with my job. This year I was the manager of HR. I could choose the date of my company party. I could make both this year. Everything was falling into place.

We made our way downtown. The shops and offices twinkled from the glitter and tinsel in their Christmas décor As cold as it was, I saw party girls huddled in club lines with their skimpy dresses. I had to laugh, not that long ago it would have been me. James's office always did it up, I was glad I would get to enjoy. They rented out this old club on Main St. called Isis. I remembered going a couple of years ago. We walked through the curtains as we entered the main area. I need never seen the place as well lit as it was. It was built inside an old theater. Fabrics lined the walls. The stair case that went up to the balcony looked like a prop from Shakespeare. The edges of every balcony and molding were lined with soft lights. It felt magical. There were tables around the edge while the floor was left empty for dancing. There were also tables on the balcony level. 

We mingled. I shook a lot of hands. I ignored a lot of stares to my cleavage. I can't count the number of times I heard what a nice handsome couple we were. There was open-bar, but I was only sipping champagne. These were people James worked with. I couldn't walk around like a lush. We danced to a couple of songs, kind of showing out. James brought me my second flute of champagne, then excused himself to go talk to one of the partners. I was happy to collapse at a table by myself and cool off. I felt like I had been on my feet for hours. 

That's when I felt it. I probably had felt it all night but didn't want to admit it. I started to breathe fast, there was no way this was happening. No way, my dreams and nightmares would come true this night. I felt on fire again. I slowly raised my eyes to the balcony. There he was looking like he was thirsty, and I was ice-cold water. I swallowed. My throat was dry again. I searched for a server to bring me another champagne. It took me a minute to adjust from his burning gaze. I almost covered myself; He was looking at me like I had no clothes on. 

Someone touched his shoulder. He pulled his gaze from mine. I followed it, and that is when I saw her. She was beautiful. Her skin was honey brown it almost looked like it glowed. She was wearing a red strapless dress I could tell it was long from where I was. Classy. Her sandy brown hair was down to her shoulders it looked thick and beautiful. She looked down to see who her husband was looking at. Her hazel eyes were sharp. They found me, then went to my side. She smiled and waved. I was a little taken aback until I saw James had joined me. He waved back, and I hurried to smile.

"Baby how do you know them?" I had to ask. It can't get any worse than the guy I cheated with worked with James. Was fate this twisted? Didn't life have enough drama?

"The Mancini's? Carlo Mancini is Executive VP of Center Point here in the city. My firm just took them on as a client. He came by the office with his wife, Patricia, to sign a document on their way somewhere. She is fine isn't she? James joked, I did a light laugh. I felt a little twinge jealously; she was beautiful. I couldn't tell which man the jealously was for...

James took my face for confusion. He commented on what he thought I was thinking. 

"Yea, everybody was a little shocked too. It looks like Mr. Mancini has a taste for chocolate. I can't be mad at him for that t. Nothing on you baby, I saw all the hungry looks you got all night." 

I was half paying attention at this point.

He had a "thing" for chocolate. I hadn't even noticed her actual race until James said it. I couldn't tell you, if it made me feel better or worse. A chocolate chip for him to enjoy, so it went beyond a case of jungle fever. On the other hand, did he just have a fetish for the contrast in color of skin against skin?

They were making their way down the steps. His eyes barely left mine. I was beginning to feel light headed, maybe I had too much to drink. They were making their way to us. I felt like I was sweating, I began trying to wipe my palms on my dress. Could his wife not see how he was looking at me? If James did that I would be all over him. James. 

I turned quick, and sighed. He wasn't paying attention. An associate had grabbed his attention momentarily. Good. They were a few steps away, I grabbed James's arm for support. I felt like my knees were going to give. What do I say? Did I know him or should I act like I don't? I took Jame's drink from him and took a sip. The dark liquor burned my throat. It helped. I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack. They were right in front of us now.

"Someone is thirsty," the first words Ignacio said looking at my lips then my eyes. Was he talking about him or me? 

"Ah, yes my throat was a little dry." I cleared it and looked up at James handing him his cup. He looked at me, his eyes had question in them. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Mancini this is my girlfriend Torrie, Torrie this is Mr. Mancini and his lovely wife. I was just telling her how you guys are new clients." We shook hands, and I hoped my palms weren't as sweaty as I imagined. 

"Nice to meet you Torrie, I love your dress girl. Hot!" she smiled genuinely. Why couldn't she have been a bitch? 

"Torrie," He grabbed my hand and kissed it. "Very nice to meet you. I would have been worried about my wife being swept up by this guy, if he didn't have such a beautiful woman on his arm. I think we have seen each other before?" 

My hand burned where his lips touched, then all the way up and around my body. I couldn't really concentrate on what he said. 

"Torrie?" James laughed "Maybe she had too much of my drink."

"Oh, oh I am sorry. Yes, we go to the same gym, and thank you." I had to get a grip fast. 

"Small world, I go there too occasionally, but really early before Carlo leaves to go to work. Not as much as I should, I'll admit." Patricia touched her hand to her chest like a southern belle. She didn't look like she needed to go to the gym at all. While I had to work to stay in shape, she looked like she was naturally slimmer. She was taller than me too, with her heels, she was about an inch taller Ignacio. Her dress had a long split on the side. Her smooth leg peaked through. I was envious.

"It doesn't look like you need to go at all, you look great." I was being truthfully. It was the least I could do. I felt like I was dripping sweat, but as I looked at my arms, they were dry. I could not be in this circle with him, his wife, and James too. She had a face now; she wasn't just an empty title that I only knew as the ring on his finger. I couldn't handle that right after I admitted I wanted him. 

"Can you guys excuse me? I think I will get some air." I let go of James.

"Do you need me to come with you?" James asked me. I could have said yes.

"No. Baby enjoy your party. I will be right back." As I turned to leave, I could feel the eyes on me. I looked back and saw him staring. His eyes told me I would not be alone for long. 

I asked a server for another exit besides the front. He told me about a back door that lead to a small alley. I went outside glad it was the side of the building secluded so not just anyone could walk through. I was grateful there was no faint urine smell, but it was still dirty. I wanted to lean against the wall, but I was scared to ruin my dress. I was a ball of emotion. The sky was clear. I wrapped my arms around myself to help with the cold. At least, there was no wind back here. 

I watched my breath leave me, as a child at school we would pretend, we were smoking. I would pretend I was some worldly woman leaning against a lamp post on the street. Right now my drama was not pretend. It was coming to meet me face to face. The back door opened, he stepped out. 

Good looking, was not enough of a description. He was wearing a black tux as well but his was trimmed in silk, and he had on a neck tie. The light would catch the lapels, giving the classic something extra. I noticed his cuff links twinkling like the tinsel decorations, as he flipped his lush hair out his face. McDreamy had nothing on him. The tuxedo was tailored to fit his muscled body, which turned me on more because I knew how it looked without clothes. He was the sexy beast I wanted to ravish me. His look was so intense I wondered if he was human. His pull on me so strong, I wondered if he was some incubus who had possessed me. Even now it felt as if he had a string connected to my center, and he was twirling it around his finger; spooling me closer like thread. 

I knew he was going to follow me, I guess that was our thing. If I had any sanity, I would have walked back in. This is not like last time, our partners were right inside. If anything happened like last time my clothes would not be the same. My hair would be tousled, there would be questions. This is taking it to another level, if I can do this after meeting her, with James inside, where are my limits?

Ignacio was on me, our kisses so rough our teeth scraped. I bit his lip. They were smooth as they were when he kissed my hand. His arms were on my bare shoulders like he couldn't wait for skin to skin contact. He bent to kiss my shoulder then bit it, I cried out. 

This can't be happening again. I felt his hands on my dress and my stockings. I heard a rip and felt the cooler air hit my thigh. He was pushing against me. His dick pressed against my leg. That wall I was too good to touch moments ago? My back was now firmly pressed against it. His mouth was on my chest, his hands violently pulling at the top. I was wrapped up too tight. I could feel some of the beads tearing from the fabric. 

He abandoned that task and hiked up the bottom of my dress. I could feel his freezing cold fingers brushing against my skin; it was sending chills up my spine. In a minute, I would be fucked in an alley. He wrapped my legs around his waist as he unzipped his pants. He ripped a hole in my stocking at the seam between my legs. I felt the air hit my center. It was so cold I thought my juices would freeze. I looked down to see the head of his cock at my entrance. I threw my head back so hard it hit the brick wall. I yelped in pain. He finally stopped, looking at my face again.

"Ignacio please," My head was spinning from the wall and alcohol. When he didn't continue I made another plea."Please, don't make me do this here." 

"Am I making you? You look as hungry as I do"

"If we co-continue, I won't be able to look at my s-self." My teeth were chattering. It was so cold, while the rest of my body was warm from body heat, my fingers wrapped around his back were starting to go numb. 

"I –I need you. I'm losing my m-mind...You won't see me." He pressed his face into my chest to warm his lips. "You avoid me at the gym. I have no way to contact you." 

I was filled with anger and lust. He wants me so bad he just takes it... I looked into his brown eyes. He truly was an animal. A lion and I was a lamb. 

"Is th-this what you think of me?" I couldn't say anything else. I leaned against the wall and relaxed my body. If he continued, I wouldn't stop him. A single tear left my right eye. I quickly moved my hand to wipe it. My finger felt like an icicle on my face. I turned my head away from him looking back up at the sky. 

He sat me down and brought my hands up to his mouth by my wrist. He touched his lips to my fingers and blew on them. It stung slightly at first, then my hands warmed up. He put them on his chest and wrapped his arms around me. I pressed my face against my hands. 

"I will never take you like this again, unless you ask me to...," I raised my head and looked in his eyes. They looked sincere. His face changed again. It went darker, and the lust returned. "Unless you beg me to."

I shivered. Even with all that, I still responded to his aggressiveness. 

"Admit it to me, out loud, that you want me. It's all over your face but I want the words. I need them to know I'm not out here going crazy by myself." He looked angry and desperate. "Torrie." It was a command. 

"Yes, I want you. Yes, I have been losing my mind." I felt like I had been holding my breath. 

"Then I will see you? You want this too, don't you?"

"Yes. I tired but..."

"It's too much to control Torrie. I am slipping. The more I try the worst it gets. I am not a man who does not get what he wants. These weeks of denying myself have felt like the most unnatural thing in my life. I haven't wanted anyone so bad since Patricia. I feel weak. I never thought another woman could have me like this. I never wanted another woman until you..."

"I feel like I have lost all my will power to you...I need to get back to James." I looked down at my dress, under the club lighting nothing would be noticeable. The rip in my stockings, the one that could be seen, was not as bad as I thought. 

"Meet me at Hotel Derek again Monday night, Please."

"That's the day before Christmas Eve."

"I know, neither of us will be available after that..."

"Ill be there at 7:30."

I left him in the ally. That time I walked instead of ran. I guess it was no reason to run anymore. I slipped into the bathroom to touch up. My hair looked like it had naturally fallen from the evening wearing on. I touched the back of my head and winced. It felt a little tender. I wasn't sure how much time had pasted, but James didn't seem to be worried about my absence. I looked for Ignacio's wife she was back up stairs sitting talking to some other woman. I walked up to James and told him I had a headache, which was true. He had to talk to a few more people, and then we would leave.

"What happened to your leg?"

"I brushed up against a loose nail on the bar."

"Are you ok? Do I need to go talk to someone?"

"No, James. Don't be silly these are just tights."

He eyed me. "You needed to lay off the alcohol; I work with these people you know."

"Damn, I'm not drunk James. I'm clumsy." I was a little irked, but I was in no position to argue. He could say what he wanted. 

I sat at a back table until he was ready. I was basically hiding; I didn't want to see Ignacio again. I kept my head down while we walked out. Something had changed in that alley; I couldn't tell how I felt. Something broke in me. My body was no longer completely mine to control. I said he could have it.

Back home, I pushed James away when he tried to make love, I was mentally exhausted. I will just tell myself that was the reason. I curled up into a ball on my side. I let him spoon me until I could tell he was asleep. I then inched away...

I was wide awake thinking of what just happened. It was insane. I just learned Ignacio's last name. No, it wasn't the first time I had fucked a man before knowing his last name. Except I was thirty now not some 22-year-old. I hardly knew him at all. It was pure physical attraction, but something else. I looked at James. He looked so peaceful. I didn't deserve him, but I wasn't ready to let go of my "perfect life. In a couple of months, this thing would be over with Ignacio. I would get off the roller coaster sick of it. James was my rock, calm and steady. 

*****

Monday night came faster than I thought. I was a nervous wreck. My office shut down early for the day. It wouldn't reopen until the next year, due to how the holidays fell during the week. I felt a little better because I got to keep Jen on. I convinced them with the new fiscal year coming up in February. It wouldn't be enough to familiarize someone else with everything. Besides that, I was on edge. Was I really going to do this? Chance meetings and coincidences are one thing. This was actually planning to be unfaithful. I had even met his wife...she seemed nice. I guess none of my limits mattered now. 




Shame Ch. 03



I walked towards the hotel, wrapping the wool burgundy trench around me tighter. The bitter wind slapping me in the face, I almost ran to the entrance. This time when I got in, I actually took note of my surroundings, everything was sleek and modern. The colors were neutrals and natural wood. With dim lighting, the ambiance was inviting. I relaxed a little more and made my way to the bar. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone, it was time to start being smarter. 

I saw the bartender give me a look. I felt heat rising to my cheeks; I ordered a rose water martini. I took my drink and headed for a table in the back corner. 

I was there at 7:30 on the dot. It seemed like I had waited for half an hour. I checked my black berry it was only 7:40. Time was dragging by. I wondered if he changed his mind. Maybe he came to his senses. It would've been a relief, but also, I would be hurt. I began to feel like a fool, and rejected. If he could come to his senses, then why couldn't I? Why was I the weak one that showed up? I glanced at my phone again, 8:05 pm. I moved to leave. My eyes burned with tears of embarrassment. I will not cry for this.

Just when I was about to get up Ignacio slid in the booth, he put down his drink. His olive skin looked golden with the lighting, peach on his cheeks from the cold. I took in his brown eyes, and my anger almost melted they were soft. His full lips were dark red from the cold as well. His brown hair looked like the wind had swept him in, it only added to his effect. He ran his finger through it to get it out of his face. I exhaled.

"Sorry I'm late. You were about to leave?"

"I'm not your servant. I don't have to wait if you aren't on time"

"It's funny how feisty you are with your clothes on, but when they are off you are so submissive." He smirked. I wanted to slap him. 

I slid out of the booth. "Is this why you asked me here, to mock me? If so, I can continue to be on my way." I got up still facing him. Ignacio moved so fast I almost squeaked. He was standing behind me, just his weight against my back was making me wet. He leaned down forward even more to put his lips to my ear.

"Calm down, I apologize, don't leave me. I'm only teasing, even though it's the truth. You love to submit baby, can't you tell?" He pressed more of his weight on my back. I sighed and closed my eyes. His hand came around my side to my stomach. I had on a cardigan over my blouse. I felt his fingers as they went from my abdomen to the middle of my breast as he unbuttoned it. His erection was on my ass. As he squeezed my right breast, I let out a quiet moan.

"Not here."

"Of course not, I made you a promise, though you are making it hard. Will you sit down for me Torrie?"

I opened my eyes and turned my head. No one was looking. It was pretty empty this time of the year was for families... 

"Yes."

We continued conversation like we weren't seconds away from fucking on the table. I was so wet I thought I might have peed on myself. It was surprising how much He remembered of what I told him that first night. He knew my job, and I had gone to school at Dillard. He even knew my family was from Louisiana but moved here when I was little. I had even told him stories of my appearance giving me trouble as a child. That was personal. 

I needed a little prompting but soon details of his life began to pop back up in my fuzzy memory. He was five years older than me and had grown up in Charleston, SC. He attended University of Texas. Like me, his promotion was fairly recent. And oh yea, he had been married for seven years and oh yea he had twins. My mind jogged back to his wife. I envied her body even more. That night we had talked longer than I realized. We told each other so much in our drunk state. I had spent over five hours with the man and didn't even notice. 

"Why did you ask me to come here? 

"Why did you come?"

"I want to know why you have me like this."

"Do you think you are the only one that feels like they are losing their grip with reality?"

"I don't know Ignacio. You weren't the only pushed against the wall ready to give up all your morals."

"Are you going to cling to that so you don't feel as bad about being here? I am controlling you?" I saw anger rising in his eyes like it was in mine. 

"I won't deny I want it anymore. That's why I am here." 

"I won't deny it anymore either and that is why I asked you to come...So, I asked you a question, am I controlling you?"

His eyes were no longer soft. He had gotten up again pulling on his long coat. I noticed that his belt was undone. Just seeing that made me hot all over again, I couldn't believe I was licking my lips. 

"I think, part of me is controlled by you..."

"Oh really? I think I just bring out what you really wanna do. " He had begun to rub himself through his pants, while looking around. We were the only ones in the place except for the bartender and a drunk woman who was almost over the bar talking to him. 

"You wanna be dirty don't you?"

I felt myself inching towards the edge of the booth. My hands moved his away as I started to stroke him looking up in his eyes.

"Damn, Torrie you are so beautiful. You-" He braced his right hand against the column next to the booth. I had pulled down his zipper. I stuck my hand in then, pulled his cock out. His eyes got wide in shock, but he didn't move to stop me. 

"Who is dirty now, Who is in control now?" My heart was racing. This was the boldest thing I had ever done. Ignacio's eyes narrowed, as he took a deep breath. I felt him tense as he tried not to move his hips with my hands. I licked my lips again.

"Suck it." He said in a strained low voice.

"What?" I had stopped moving.

"You want to play? You want to be bad? Suck it."

I looked around Ignacio. The woman and bartender were still there. They were really close to each other, I was too far away to see what they were doing. Then he glanced up, and our eyes met. Usually that would have been enough to embarrass me. Instead of stopping like I thought I would do in the situation. I licked my palm then sped my hands up on Ignacio's cock. 

"Oh God, suck it please..." He pushed his hands in my hair pulling my face closer to his hips. I wrapped my lips around the head and swirled my tongue around it. I heard a moan sifting through him biting his lip. The sound went straight between my legs. Why was this such a turn on? 

"Uhhmm, let's go!" He gentle pushed me back, and began collecting himself. I was kind of confused and relieved. I began to get my coat and purse. He pulled me up by my arm and kissed me hard on the lips. He forced his tongue in my mouth before I had time to open it. I began to moan into our kiss. He ran his hands down my back and squeezed my ass. 

Ignacio held his grip on my arm and began to walk out the bar. I stumbled along and looking through my hair that had fallen in my face. The bartender was too involved in the woman to pay attention to us. I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw her shirt open. Ignacio was practically dragging me to the elevator. 

"What did you tell your guy?"

"Huh, Wha?"

"What did you tell him? I might keep you here longer than I thought."

"Oh...I told him I was going to go shopping and then wrap his gifts at my house." I felt a pain in my chest as I answered. I had told James a complete lie.

Ignacio didn't say anything else. I didn't ask him about his wife. I didn't want to know his lie. We had reached the elevators, and he pressed the button. The doors opened immediately, he backed me against the wall. I attacked his mouth as he grabbed me between my legs. Massaging me like he had a stress ball in his hands, it drove me crazy. 

I didn't realize when we stopped. I hadn't even bothered to ask where he was taking me. We ended up close to the top floor in a small suite. The earth tones and modern décor continued in the room from the lobby. I barely had time notice. We were on each other like animals. Ripping off our clothes and falling to the bed. 

"No words," was all he said to me.

He rolled me on top of him turning my body around so my pussy was in his face. The sensation started from my toes to my head when I felt his tongue slide in me. I felt like I would explode trying to hold in all the things I wanted to say. I took his cock hungrily in my mouth. Pressing it was deep as I could gagging; then swallowing it deeper into my throat. It was all I could do. His mouth vibrated against me as he moaned. I was spinning out of control from what his tongue was doing to me. 

I heard a phone vibrate in the distance. 

My body twitched as I came down from my climax. I felt him maneuvering me to my back as he turned to face me. He kissed me, we tasted each other. I hardly had time to react as he spread me wide. I started to cry out. He bit my bottom lip. My eyes watered as he sucked it to sooth me.

"I said, No words."

He then placed each hand on one of my inner thighs. He began to pound into me for what felt like an hour. I couldn't stop the convulsions happening as I clinched and released him. I was doing involuntary kegels. 

I heard a phone vibrate again. 

"Ignacio..."

His eyes got wide, and he slapped my pussy hard. I shut my eyes and mouth as tight as I could. It sounded like I had a hiccup each time he bottomed out My legs were so stiff when I was finally able to close them. He rolled over and pulled my face to his. He kissed me roughly again. He swirled his tongue in my mouth, like he really knew me. We pulled away breathing hard. I had to fight the urge not to drift to sleep.

When I recovered, I took my phone from my purse and hobbled to the bathroom. James had called me twice. I debated to call him back. It was scary to me how quickly my brain was coming up lies to tell. I listened to his messages. I felt like shit he sounded concerned about my safety. I sat on the toilet until I was stiff from the hard seat.

I exited from the bathroom. Ignacio looked like he was waiting on me to speak first. Fine.

"Was this enough? What happens next?"

His phone lit up on the bed-side table.



Shame Ch. 04



It was 12:10 a.m. I was in the driveway of James's house. I saw a soft light on but that didn't mean he was awake; he could have just left it on for me. I showered at the hotel, and just threw my panties in the trash. No need to bring those in here. I felt like my shirt still smelled like him, pimento and the woods a very masculine scent. James smell was sweeter, like nutmeg and sandalwood. It was masculine too just smoother. It was funny how the smells matched their personalities. 

I took a deep breath and held it as I entered. My eyes scanned his open floor plan, It looked like James had just gone to sleep. I let the air I was holding go, and began moving through the house. I went to the kitchen to drink some water. I felt it was the last thing I could do to cleanse myself before I faced him. My keys echoed on the marble island when they fell out my purse, they were loud. 

"I was worried about you," James appeared, it seemed like he had come from nowhere. 

My water leaped from my cup and splashed to the floor, as I jump from his deep voice. 

"Oh my God, you scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry, but you scared the shit out of me too. Why didn't you answer? In this economy, this time of year people get crazy. All I could think was you riding around with gifts and someone watching you." His face was flushed with color. 

James had walked into the kitchen and sat on the stool opposite me. He looked tired.

"I didn't mean to worry you, I just feel asleep at my place. This isn't the first time I haven't answered a call, I didn't expect you to stay up." I felt horrible he had stayed up. I wouldn't have felt as bad if I was actually doing what I had told him I was going to do. His questions were making me defensive.

"The first time you haven't answered since you moved in...If you are going to live here-"

"I haven't moved in yet. We did not decide if this would be permanent or not. It won't be if you start acting like my father." Was he really going to go there? Good, I have an out to be mad. 

"Are you my woman, don't I have the right to ask questions? What is this T? Some type of rebellion because you feel like we are moving too fast? When are you going to grow up? You can't run every time you don't want to face something." 

"I just fell asleep. You are trying to analyze something that isn't necessary. It sounds like you are going to that whole controlling thing you do. I hate that, you know it makes me defensive."

"When we first met you were still trying to do that independent party girl thing. Staying out late, not returning calls so you want wouldn't be 'controlled'. I put up with it because I saw something behind that and I knew you were worth it. You were more than that. If we are going to live together at some point you have to put that aside. If you are going to live with me-I'm not trying to control you. I just don't want you to run from me, from us. "

"You make it seem like I was some type of loose street woman. I JUST FELL ASLEEP. Look, I'm tired and you are too. Let's not fight, I don't want to go where this conversation to go where it's heading. " 

I felt like a had scales on me. I just kept on rubbing my arms like I was still cold . Every lie came with a multiple lies behind it. Now here I was trying to make him feel bad to get the attention off me. In my heart I knew he sensed something was wrong and that's why he went into psychology mode. I didn't want to deal with this right now, him bringing up the past when it was so much going on in the present. I brushed past him and went straight for the closet to change into a big t-shirt. 

"Aren't you going to shower? You hate taking the day into bed with you." James had walked in behind me.

"Oh, yea, of course. I guess I'm still half sleep."

I walked into the bathroom with my sleep clothes. I felt dumb as hell having to shower again. What was this going to do to my skin? I let the water run hot as it could so steam could fill the room. As I evened the temperature I heard James walk in. I heard the light moments and his clothes softly hit the floor. Fuck. I couldn't see a way out of having sex with him. I knew I was still tender from my indiscretion. Ignacio pounded me so hard, I feared it would hurt if James even put a finger in me. 

All the steam I had trapped in the 3 glass walls of his shower was emptied as James slid into the shower with me. If I let him come in right after Ignacio it would be the dirtiest thing in my life. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let him go behind another man. His hands began to rove over my body, I shivered with anxiety. I knew I was going to have a panic attack. He started massaging my breast as he pressed himself against my back. His right hand slid down my side until he reached my hip. Then he slowly curved it around my front tangling his fingers in the hair, just at the top of my now tender hairless lips. I trembled again, which he took as me being turned on. I was mortified. I begin to breath fast and heavy. 

As he slip a finger into my slit and I flinched they were still so sore. I tried to hold my breath and brace for the pain as he began to finger me. I was glad my back was to him so he couldn't see the tears that began to roll down my cheek, it was that painful. Or maybe it was all in my head. There was no way I would be able handle him this soon. I had to get out of this. I did the only thing I could think of. 

I turned to push him off me looking dead in his eyes. Well I tried, but I had to look away. "I don't think you want to fuck some party slut. Apparently you still think of me that way or you wouldn't have brought it up." 

"What the hell are you talking about? You just said to drop the conversation."

"It's hard when I can't get it out my head," I moved to open the shower door. James grabbed my arm trying to turn me back around. 

"Don't touch me!"

I jerked my arm away with such force I lost my balance. When I tried to grab the wall, there was no friction. They were slick with condensation. James hands slipped from my waist as I was slick from soapy water. I came crashing on the stone floor of the shower. I felt my tail bone connect with the tile. 

I felt like I blacked out for two seconds. I stepped out my body and saw myself on the shower floor screaming in anger and pain. Then I was back and in my body, the pain traveling all over me. Rolling on my side, I cried even harder. What the hell am I doing. My back throbbed and my noise began to burn from the water going up it. I had breathed in too deep from my crying. I began to choke. I turned back over pressing my face on the tile. 

"Baby! Are you ok?" James moved to try to help me. I began waving my arms like a mad woman for him to get away. 

"No! If you wouldn't have grabbed me I wouldn't have fallen! Just leave me alone." My anger was real from the pain I had caused myself. 

James let out an exasperated sigh. "I will when I know you can stand and nothing is broken." 

I was scared. I didn't want to think about what damage I could have done. I kept hearing the sound of me hitting the floor. My mind was racing into a state of paranoia, what if I did something serious trying to cover up my unfaithfulness? Punishment. He turned off the water. I wiggled my toes I wasn't paralyzed, I had to get a grip. I pushed forward hesitantly, my lower back hurt like hell. I had managed to get on my hands and knees. Reluctantly, I took James's hand, and he helped me stand up. Once I was able to support myself I jerk away again, this time with less force. 

He shook his head and turned his face away I knew he was trying to hide his smile. I saw his shoulders shaking. 

"You are laughing at me? What if it was more serious?

"You know I wouldn't if it was, it's just the situation. Yours acting like a little girl."

"That is it!"

I tried stormed past him but I staggered in pain. He caught me, grabbing my towel, a t-shirt, and my lotion from the counter. 

"Aw come on T this is ridiculous." He stated at my struggling. 

Once I felt I could, I made a be-line for the guest bedroom. My back was killing me I knew I would have a bruise the next day. My plan was to start a fight to avoid sex with James. Injuring myself was not supposed to be part of the process. Maybe it was karma. I had to go back into the bedroom and get some muscle rub and a heating pad. He had laid it out for me, I still refused to make eye contact with James. I heard him clear his throat but I still didn't spare a glace. 

I laid in bed thinking about what had happened a few hours ago. I had lain on a bed in a hotel room listening to my lover lie to his wife about where he was. I heard him say goodnight to his children telling them he would be there for them, when they woke up in the morning. His wife didn't have seem to have any suspicion in her voice. He lied so well, I began to wonder if I had gotten played. Maybe he did this all the time. Then again, it seemed for me that the lies were rolling right off of my tongue as well. I use considered myself an honest person. That was until this hurricane swept in. I had been reduced to a liar sneaking behind my boyfriends back. Reduced to picking fights to avoid sleeping with the man I had rights to. 

*****

The next morning I remembered, I left my phone on the island, I panicked again. I couldn't remember if I had any evidence in the phone. The little green light in the corner was flashing; I stiffly walked to it. As soon as I pressed the screen I saw a message from Ignacio scrolling across the screen. 

[I still taste you in my mouth, I crave...]

To read the rest I would have to go into my messages. Heat and fear rose in me, I was feening again just by reading part of a message from him. I was also afraid James had seen. What if he had been there when he first sent it? I saw I coffee mug close by but I did not see or hear him. Maybe I was being paranoid I never would think James would go through a phone. But, I never had anything to hide before, if he did how would I know? I was about to work myself up. Now Ignacio was back on my brain, I wondered if he did that on purpose. 

I waited around until the afternoon for James, then went to do some last minute things to get ready for Christmas. I had to buy some more gift bags and tissue paper. I stopped at a tea house to warm up. By the time I got back home, I had almost forgotten about the fight I started with James. I announced myself and got no response. I began to go on about my day and he closed the door. I really didn't think it was that serious, the night before it seems like I would be the one acting mad and he would be trying to coax me into talking. Then, I would give in and we would go back to normal. The thought that he had seen the message on my phone crept back into my mind. I tried to think back to see how James reacted to things that bothered him. He was always calm, you couldn't really tell if something had been bothering him, or it was a new thought. No, he would say something strait away, right? 

I took a deep breath, I sat in the living room to watch TV I kept glancing down the hall but he never came out. After I while I took myself to bed back in the guestroom. 

Christmas morning I snuck into his bedroom, and woke him up with a blow job. He didn't stop me or say anything .We made love I told him he had nothing to fear, I wasn't trying to run away from him. I was trying to really reassure us both. In my heart I knew I was going in two different directions. One the path of comfort and stability, the other passion and destruction. 

We had a lot to cover that day We would have breakfast with his family since his brother and sister were leaving in the afternoon. Then head to Lake Charles for where my Family was meeting. After his wake up call James seemed to be back to normal. 

*****

The question of the day was 'When are y'all getting married?' At his parents James was quick with an answer saying we were headed in that direction. He glanced at me and said weren't trying to rush though. I just tried to keep my face neutral. His sister was already calling me sister, I tried smile and laugh it off. My family bombarded me with innuendo the whole time. My mom flat out asked me when we were about to leave. Then my dad had pulled James aside to talk about the rules of cohabitation with his baby girl. He said he had better have the most honorable intentions. James filled me in on that on the drove back home. It would have been much funnier if I hadn't had so much on my mind. 

"I really do have the most honorable intentions, if you let me T."

"I know."

The rest of the ride was silent. I spent that time looking at the outlines of field and forest getting harder to make out as it got later. Ignacio had answered my question that night. It was not enough, it was like a hit of cocaine to an addict. We had laid in bed satisfied. We had gotten dressed to go back to our real lives. But we knew the craving would return, we would need another hit and another. What would happen next will be us seeking each other out to sooth the pain of our addiction. I had given him my number, he had used it. Just to make sure I didn't forget. To remind me of when he tasted me, to remind me that he was there waiting. I never considered myself a cheater but at that point I couldn't see a way for me to give up Ignacio or James. At the same time the situation was already doing a number on my mental stability. So many questions I had, so many emotions going on. I still felt dirty after every time and I still couldn't look James in the eye. 

*****

"I need to see you, can you make time?"

"I have to see, we are both off this week I can't really think of a reason for me to get away"

"Try."

"I will, it's just been five days."

"Five days is long enough. I can hear it in your voice, it trembles like it always does when you talk to me"

"You sound thirsty"

"I am."

"I'll think of something"

"I want you to sit on my face."

"Ignacio..."

"Are you alone?"

"He just went to the store."

"If I talk like this will it make you more urgent? Touch yourself." 

"What will you do for me?" 

"I'll let you come." 

I actually looked around the living room to see if someone could see me. I propped on leg on the table and slid my hand into my panties that were already wet. We had phone sex in the hopes that it would be enough until we could figure out a way to be together. All it did was make my blood boil, so hot, all over me. I could hear his breath become ragged on the other end. I longed to feel it as it was the other night, humid against my neck. It wasn't enough each breath I craved our closeness each sound made me hotter. My fingers weren't qualified to give me the release I needed. My climax was half hearted, too quick the shaking ended too soon. My breath went back to normal too quickly. And I was left empty again. 

"Make it happen. This is nowhere near what we are together." 

"Should there even be a we Ignacio? I can't help but go back to the fact we are cheating." I truly wanted to fight the good fight. 

"How can there not be a we at this point Torrie? Do you think I can't hear it in you voice? I don't try to hide it in mine anymore." 

"Except in front of your wife." 

"Yes Torrie, yes my wife. I have a wife. I'm married. Did that make you feel better, stronger bringing it up." There was a little edge to his voice. 

I was silent so he continued. 

"I will not keep on going in circles every time we speak." 

"I'm not going to pretend it's ok." 

I heard him take a deep breath. " I know it's not okay...everytime I think of hurting Pat-" 

"Please don't say her name." 

"Every time I think what I'm doing to her, it kills me. Every time I think of how she will feel if she knew, how much hurt it will be; I lose a piece of myself. Then when we are together Torrie, I feel like it's brought back 10 fold." 

"But when it's over, we are empty again..." 

"All I know to do at this point is to keep coming back to you...The alternative is starving, that I cannot do." 

"I have to go, I hear his keys I will try."

James entered with a small bag just for me, he threw me some muscle rub. He put down the rest of the bags in the kitchen. Soon he was hopping over the back of the sofa to sit next to me. 

"What will you try?" 

"Oh, that was Bill Lancaster. He wanted to see if I could come in for a senior manager meeting before New Years " I was scrambling to clear the number from my phone. I held the phone closer to me to hide the screen. 

"That's asking a lot during the holidays don't you think." 

"Yea that's why I said I would try, but not fully commit..." 

*****

I ended up having to go in for the meeting. I added that I would stop by the store to exchange some gifts that didn't fit from my family. 

I was suddenly grateful James and I lived on opposite sides of town. As I pulled on my street my I cursed my neighbors for having company. I couldn't even get in my own driveway. I told them I wouldn't be there over the holidays so they could use it. who knew I would need my space back to sleep around. The streets were packed, I had to park half a block down. I wondered how far Ignacio would have to park, I couldn't wait to see him. I had even come a little later so I wouldn't have to wait so long. The bi-polar Houston weather had warmed up to cool 61 degrees. I threw on a long sleeve charcoal maxi dress It had a long zipper from my chest to the middle of my knees, a split in the front and flat boots. I tried to put on the something with the easiest access. My nipples were hard just thinking of him pulling the zipper down. 

I almost had a heart attack as someone grabbed me from behind. I shirked as my attacker stuffed part of my scarf in my mouth pressing me against a car. This is what James had feared. He pressed himself against me hard making my body curve to the car. I willed myself not to cry as he gently laid my head on its side against the car as well. I felt a hand move swiftly across my back and my ass. He tightened the scarf around my neck and whispered. 

"You dirty slut you didn't were any underwear for me?" 

I moaned spitting the scarf out he hand slacked his hold on me. I pressed myself back on him I was so excited for him to touch me. Everything that had just scared me turned me on. I began to breath deeply, my chest rose and fell noticeably as his fingers ran down my zipper.

"I have on a thong..."

His hand pressed into the soft spot between my legs while the other reached under my v-neck and cupped a breast. All of a sudden we weren't outside, all I could feel was him and his fingers touching me.

I closed my eyes, just relishing in the feel of his skin on me. I was brought back to reality when I felt the freezing cold car on my naked skin. My eyes flew back open as I realized he had unzipped my zipper to my navel. Could I ever make it to a bedroom with this man without exposing myself? 

"I do live a couple of townhousesaway you know." 

"I want to be inside you right now, but I guess another minute of waiting won't kill me." He picked up my purse off the ground and handed it to me. I had completely forgotten he knocked it out my hand. 

As a fumbled with my keys at the door Ignacio began to unzip my dress again. Successfully breaking my concentration I just stopped moving as he unzipped it completely. The feel of the cold door rubbing against my nipples turned me on even more I could feel his dick against my ass. I giggled thinking how ridiculous it would be if we couldn't make it in the house. He laughed in to the ear he had been nibbling on, like he had just come to the same conclusion. We both broke out in loud laugher leaning against the door. 

"Why sir I think you are a fiend," I slapped his hands away and took a deep breath. Regaining my composure I was able to let him in my doorway. I threw my purse and scarf on the couch leaning on the arm rest placing my arms behind me to keep me from falling backward. I hadn't bothered to close the dress or take it off. 




Shame Ch. 04



"How can I not be when you look like that? Damn they look like they are begging for me to kiss them." He made his way to me peeling my dress completely off. One hand grabbed my left breast and his mouth was on the other. I began to squirm. 

"We don't have to do forplay Ignacio. I need you inside me." I sounded like I was begging I didn't care. It was the truth. 

"If I give you all the goods now then how can I keep you coming back." He gave a devilish grin. 

"You couldn't stop me from coming back." I wondered if I sounded crazy.

"Relax Torrie, I'll give you what you need in due time."

I wasn't sure what that meant but I didn't have time to reflect on that statement as he torn apart one side of my flimsy underwear. Gently pushing me back so my lower half was still on the arm rest, while the rest was my body was lying diagonal on the sofa. His tongue dove into me like he hadn't eaten is in days. I was in ecstasy and as hungry as he was, it seemed. He licked my up my slit lightly teasing me until I reached up and forced his tongue into me. 

"Ahhhh yes! Right there please stay right there." I cried as he forced his head away from my grasp. Put his tongue to my clit.

"Did I say you could direct me? Who is in control?"

As Ignacio re-applied pressure to my clit I began to catch my breath. I wrapped my legs around him tightly. I held on for dear life as he made feel as if the only sensation that was important was going on between my legs. 

"I'll do whatever you say..." anything to make sure he kept his mouth on me. Having him so close felt as though I was alive now, and the life I had without him was a fake, half life. If anybody asked me at that moment what my choice was I would give up everything just to keep him near. 

"Anything?" 

"Yes"

Ignacio turned me over and roughly pull me towards him. As I closed my eyes I could picture him on his knees while both of his hand spread my cheeks apart. I could feel his nose brushing gently on my perineum. I pictured him with his head tilted back, I saw his neck muscles. I saw his hands lifting me up, pushing my face into the throw pillows. God just the visual was could bring me to my climax without his magnificent work. I was screaming out loud from the pleasure. My mouth wide open, the material rubbing against my tongue. It was so dry all the moisture was flowing below my waist. I didn't even turn my head to breathe nothing mattered, I could feel it coming.

"Anything?"

I couldn't take in a breath to answer I my mind I shouted it, yes...

I cried as I climaxed. 

*****

I was still on edge, my pussy tingled like it was still waiting for something. I knew what it was too. We did not make love. I recalled our conversation as we sat on the couch while I recovered. 

"Do you want to get away?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like go away with me." I looked up from his lap we was not looking at me, but off around the room.

"Umm" I hesitated reality was starting to return and fear made me pause. The answer was yes, but then it was a small part in me that said no.

As if Ignacio read my mind, "Not like that T, just like for a weekend. We can really you know, be free."

I was hurt and excited at the same time. Hurt that he pushed the thought aside so fast, even though I knew I wasn't ready for that. Would I even want a man long term that would abandon his family? At the same time, what we were doing wasn't better. I didn't feel bad enough not to be excited about going away with him. 

"In a perfect world I still wouldn't know what to do," he could read me so well already."I just want to be able to be open, I want days with you consecutive and nights."

"That sounds good, really good. What did you have in mind?

"There is a conference coming up in New Orleans that I could go to. Not for the company just like an outside training they company pays for. Pat won't be able to go-"

"So that's why you asked me?" I really didn't want to say it out loud, my emotions were on my sleeve. 

Ignacio took my chin between his thumb and index finger and gently made me look at him. "I didn't even ask her. I just know she won't be able to leave the kids..."

"Ignacio I didn't mean that it just crossed my mind."

He changed the subject. "Why don't you call me Carlo like the other people who are close to me?"

"I feel like I am an outsider, If I call you your nick name it's even deeper I guess. That's just what I tell myself." 

"I think it's pretty deep already T, we are making plans to go on a trip."

"I know," Still didn't change how I felt...

"Can I email you the details?"

"Yea I have plenty of vacation time." I had turned down going to James family reunion that summer. It was on a cruise. I wasn't ready to be stuck on a bout with his family. 

I jerked when Ignacio made a move to get up. I was in a daze thinking about everything. I wasn't ready for him to leave we hadn't even had sex. I was relaxed but still buzzing on what I thought was to come. I refused to question him as to why he was leaving before we really did anything. It seemed desperate, who was I to question anyway? Was he really about to leave? 

"Are you leaving? I didn't even get the goods yet." I made a playful frown, to hide how serious I was.

"I told you if I gave you all the goods how long would I have to wait to see you again?" He looked devious.

"You would leave me all hot and bothered? Your evil!" I burst into laughter playfully lunging after him. He grabbed me firmly, my naked body crashed against his bare chest. He pulled me to straddle him looking up into my eyes as he twirled his finger around my dark nipple. 

" You look so innocent right now. I wonder if anyone else but me can bring that other side out, if anyone else has seen it." Was that a question? We seem to be both tip toeing around something. 

Ignacio alluded to what I was doing when we weren't together. The thought I wouldn't allow to fully form now was clear in my mind. Was he about to leave because he was going to sleep with his wife? Had he slept we her before coming here today? 

"I sometimes wonder about things myself." I looked in his face and we turned away from each other. What a sad, sorry pair of people. 

"That's why we need to get away, from all this pressure and stress." He pulled me down to kiss me hard. Forcing the awkwardness of the conversation out and making me hot between my legs again. 

"If you really want to relieve stress you won't deprive me."

"Or, maybe this is a way to make sure you won't deprive me. Make sure she stays wanting me." He stroked my kitty for emphasis. I swear she purred, as he gave me a sly smile. 

He left a few minutes later, making sure to tease/torture me a little more. I made him play with me till I came again but that still wasn't enough. His planned worked I was already thinking of another way for us to meet again. In due time indeed. 

*****

I.Carlo Mancini

XXXXX@jupiter.com

To:TDurone@XXXX.net                     Jan 15

2:15am

T,

I am still thinking about was we did last night. It was so hard to leave you, you make me crazy. I keep seeing you in my dreams. I want to keep your smell on me, damn Patricia. But I am also realistic. I know that you have James. We wash away all traces before we go back to them. But it does not stop my mind. I was so tempted to mark you like I did the first night. You are mine, and I am yours as much as we can be. You worry about our future. I must be honest, I don't want to think about it anymore. I just do everything I can to hold it together. I am living a double life. We can keep going in circles about it, but I know you aren't ready for the ride to end. My craving only intensifies and I see your hunger every time I look in your beautiful eyes. The trip will be during Mardi Gras in about a month I hope that is enough time. I have Thursday to Sunday the weekend of the 18th. Can you imagine 4 whole days and 3 nights just me and you. I booked the W in the business district; it reminds me of Hotel Derek...Please say you will still go. T, it's not as easy for me as I make it look. It's not a game to me like you said last night. I have been upfront about everything. I just go with how I feel and my feelings for us...

Ignacio