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Mason Ch. 01

By: kalamazoo707



After he left Ethan's house, Mason went home. He had some serious thinking to do. Losing Katrina had hurt even though he had known ever since Ethan first saw the girls that it was going to happen. But he had held on to the bitter end that she would change her mind. He hadn't lied when he told Ethan that he would always love her but now he had no choice but to put his feelings on a shelf somewhere and try to forget about her. If he stayed where he was, that would never happen and at some point, he would run into them and he didn't think that he could stand that. He also meant it when he congratulated Ethan; he knew that Katrina and the girls would be well loved and cared for, otherwise he wouldn't have released them into Ethan's care. 

Mason sat down at his desk, leaned back into his massive chair and closed his eyes. He couldn't stay here; he would have to move his practice to somewhere else, the question was where. He thought about Eustace Matthews, Eustace had been asking him to partner with him for years and Mason had always declined. Just when he thought it might be a good move, he remembered that Ethan sometimes saw Eustace on a professional basis. He didn't know if he still did and if he wasn't then maybe... but did he want to take the chance that Ethan would just pop up one day? But the problem wasn't Ethan, it was Katrina; she was the one that he couldn't bear to see and the chances of her going to Boston were nil...he hoped.

Mason picked up the phone and called Eustace's office.

"Eustace, Mason Donahue here! How in the hell are you? Glad to hear it, I have a question for you; is that offer to combine our offices still open? It is? Great! Why don't I come to see you in a few days? I've got some things to finish up here. I'll see you then."

Mason hung up the phone, stood up and stretched. He was every bit as big as Ethan except that his hair was dark brown as were his eyes. If he and Ethan had fought, it would have been close; the possibility that they would have killed each other was very real. That was another reason why he backed down, he didn't want to take the risk of both of them dying and leaving Katrina and the girls alone and had he won there was a good chance that she wouldn't have taken him as a mate anyway and would have possibly hated him. Other than surviving a fight with Ethan, the only choice that he had was to let her choose between them without her actually being aware that she was choosing. What he hadn't counted on was her making her choice so soon after the girls were born but yet he stayed in hopes that she would change her mind or that Ethan would fail. Neither of which happened.

He opened up the photo app on his cell phone and looked at all of the pictures he had of her and the girls, "they should be mine." he muttered. But they weren't and they never would be except as a friend and he just couldn't think of her like that right now. He didn't fool himself, if Katrina called him right now he would drop everything and go to her the consequences be damned. He realized that he had to start getting over her, he was going to have a hard enough time as it was explaining to his mate when he found her how he still loved another.

Mason went to his room and began to make preparations to leave; he wanted to see Katrina just once more. He took a deep breath and pushed the thought away, no good would come of it. Like him, Ethan didn't make idle threats; Ethan really would kill him or try to if he tried to see Katrina without his knowledge or permission. He tried to think of a viable reason to ask to see her and the girls but he couldn't. Mason sighed, went to the closet and pulled out a suitcase and threw it on the bed. There was no choice, he had to leave.

Antoinette or Toni as her friends called her had a horrible headache; she had just finished her shift at the hospital as a third year resident and she still had to study for boards. Some of the others were going out for drinks and asked her to go along but she refused, she had to pass boards the first time around, this was a failure is not an option situation or at least she told herself that it was but right now all she wanted to do was go home, take a hot shower and go to sleep.

She made it home just after nine pm, early enough to study a little but the insistent headache wasn't going to allow it. She noticed the answering machine light blinking and groaned. She had forgotten to call her on again off again boyfriend James back.

"Damn it!" she cursed as she played back the first of six messages.

"Hi sweetie, where are you? I'm waiting!"

Toni frowned and played the next message.

"Toni? Did you forget we were meeting for drinks after your shift?" 

"Oh shit!" she cursed as she dialed James' cell phone number. He answered after the third ring.

"Toni? Where in the fuck are you? I've been waiting for almost an hour and a half!"

"I am so sorry, I got out late and I have this headache- give me twenty minutes and I'll be there."

She hung up and wondered why she just didn't tell him that she couldn't make it. She knew why; this wasn't the first time that she had spaced out on their plans, it was one of the reasons why they kept breaking up. She rushed to the bedroom, popped two aspirin and hopped into the shower. The hot water felt good to her tense, aching muscles and she wished that she could have stayed in the shower longer but James was waiting. She quickly oiled her dark brown skin, ran a brush through her short hair and threw on whatever clothes she came to first hoping that they matched and ran out of the door. 

James was tapping his foot impatiently when she got to the bar, she braced herself for his tirade about her always forgetting their plans, and she never said anything because he was right.

"I'm glad that you could fit me in." James said snidely not even trying to hide his irritation.

Toni looked at him, he was gorgeous, tall, black haired and blue eyed. Everyone she knew wondered how she had managed to catch the handsome fourth year resident but the truth of it was; she didn't know herself. She was as short as he was tall, as dark as he was light and well... fat as compared to his trim athletic build. She didn't think that she was ugly but she was no beauty queen either. She didn't understand the attraction and why he kept coming back after each break up. 

"Damn it Toni! You promised to do better!"

"I know! I'm sorry. I got caught up at work." Toni said knowing that he wasn't buying it; she always gave the same excuse.

She felt her eyes burn with tears, it wasn't so much because James was mad at her; that was part of it but she was exhausted, her head hurt and she was stressed about boards even though they were a ways off. Seeing her eyes fill with tears, James stopped his tirade. He could never stand to see her cry.

"Alright, don't cry." he said taking her into his arms.

Toni hugged him back and rested her head against his chest, she was so damned tired. 

"Baby, I'm sorry. It's just that I haven't seen you since the end of my rotation two days ago and I missed you. Come on, let's go and tuck you into bed."

It was times like this that Toni thought that she loved James but she didn't deserve him and it was time that she told him that but not tonight, she needed him.

James walked her home and up to her apartment, she knew that he wanted to spend the night with her even if they did nothing more than lie in bed and hold each other. Tonight she needed that, she was very aware that she was using him but she needed to be comforted and he was willing. 

James looked through her cabinets for her stash of chamomile tea finding it in the cabinet above the sink and wondered why she kept moving it from place to place.

"Get ready for bed while I make you some tea." he told her as he put the tea kettle on. 

Toni changed into her pajamas and climbed into bed, wearing pajamas was her way of telling him that she wasn't interested in sex, his making her tea was his way of telling her that sex wasn't expected. In truth, all they usually did was sleep together, there was very little sex. It didn't seem to bother James and it really didn't bother her either. The times that they did have sex were unremarkable at best with James enjoying it far more than she did.

James brought her the tea made just the way she liked it, strong with a hint of honey. As she sipped her tea, James changed into the shorts that he kept at her place and climbed into bed next to her and waited for her to finish her tea. When she was finished, he took the mug from her and took her into his arms; once again she wondered why James kept coming back.

"James?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why do you keep coming back?" she asked.

"That's easy, because I love you and I keep hoping that one day you'll see that." he replied.

"James, I..."

"Shhh, go to sleep; you're exhausted."

Mason walked around his house making sure that he wasn't leaving anything that he really needed behind. He gave last minute instructions to the staff before going to his bedroom and grabbing his suitcase. Normally he would just vanish from one place to another but this time he wanted to drive. It would give him time to do some thinking about how to get over Katrina and to formulate what he would tell his mate if he found her. The urge to see Katrina again rose again and only by sheer will did he manage to push it away, he had to leave and now.

An hour later Mason was in his car and headed toward Boston, he was saddened that he was leaving California but he had no real choice, he briefly thought about moving to the northern part of the state and disregarded the idea opting to go with the plan to move to Boston, the further away he was from her the better. The radio played soft classical music which had always soothed him in the past but not tonight. Twice he almost turned around, the only things stopping him was that he was a man of his word and he didn't want to complicate things for Katrina any more than they were, she had made her choice and he had to respect that.

He stopped at a bed and breakfast that was run by a vampire couple and only accepted guests who were vampire. He was checked in and taken to his room by the owner himself.

"Everything that you need should be in there, if you're missing something or need something call."

The man left Mason alone with his thoughts after bidding him a good rest. Mason stripped and lay on the bed, as he fell asleep he cursed the fates.

Toni woke up to the smell of food cooking, her headache was gone and she was starving. She got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to wash her face, brush her teeth and run a comb through her short hair, James was just putting pancakes on her plate when she came out.

"Morning beautiful." he said kissing her temple as she sat down.

"Morning, it smells good."

Toni looked at James when he wasn't paying attention, what was wrong with her? The man was gorgeous and treated her like a queen but yet..., she loved him but not nearly as much as he loved her. This wasn't fair to him; it was time to end this for good.

"James, sit down. Please."

James stopped what he was doing and gave Toni an apprehensive look. When he was sitting Toni took his hands in hers.

"James, you are so sweet and so caring and I've treated you like shit. You deserve someone who won't forget plans and treats you the way you should be treated. I think that we should call it quits but this time it has to be for good."

James looked like he had been slapped.

"Toni..."

"James, it's for the best. Lets think about our relationship, from the beginning you've always done most of the work and I came along for the ride. It's not that I don't love you, I do but not as much as you love me and I can't do this to you anymore."

"Toni, please; let's talk about this." James said, "We can make this work, we just have to compromise, don't give up yet."

Both of them were crying. Toni gave in; maybe she could change, maybe she could learn to love him as much as he did her. She would just have to try harder.

James stood up and pulled her to her feet.

"Toni, I love you and I know that you don't love me as much as I do you but I don't care because it will come. One day you'll realize that you really do love me and I'm willing to wait."

James led Toni back to bed and eased her onto it and made love to her, he was as gentle as always and worked toward her pleasure before taking his own. Afterwards, they lay together; Toni wrapped in James' arms, as she fell asleep; she tried to convince herself that she loved him more than she really did.

When she woke up James was gone but he left a note on the pillow. Toni read the note and sighed; he was coming back and making dinner. She took hot shower as she contemplated what to do about James, she should have stuck to her guns this morning, it would have been over by now if she had. Her best friend Michele was growing tired of the way that James was being treated.

"Look." Michele told her one night, "You have either got to shit or get off the pot, the longer you wait the harder it's going to be. He's a nice guy and he doesn't deserve what you're doing to him. So either you love him or you don't but make up your damned mind."

Michele was right; she had to end this before he did something like propose. "Tonight" she told herself as she finished her shower. As she dried off she wondered what it was that James saw in her, she would never be a swimsuit model and there were so many beautiful women that would be better for him than she was. For a long time, Toni wondered why she couldn't fall completely in love with James, after a while she knew what it was; she was too independent, it didn't really bother her if she didn't see James for three or four days but it sure as hell bothered him, he was clingy and needed constant reassurance that she cared for him. This had to end.

She put on a clean pair of pajama bottoms and a tee shirt and headed toward the living room where she was already set up to study. Before she knew it, James was back with groceries.

"Hi sweetness how's your headache?" he asked as he sat the grocery bags on the table, "I bought some chicken breasts, asparagus and rice. How does that sound?"

"It sounds really good but James we need to talk." Toni said.

"We talked this morning, we're good."

"No, we're not. James, I can't do this; I'm not what you need."

"I don't think that's for you to decide." He said quietly.

"Alright then, you're not what I need."

James stopped unpacking the bags.

"Are you breaking up with me again?" he asked, his voice filled with apprehension.

This was it. Toni took a deep breath and steeled her nerves.

"Yes and this time it's for good. I don't deserve you; you deserve someone like that cute little night nurse that that always flirts with you or..."

"Stop it Toni, you don't get to tell me what I need if you don't want me. I'm not some stray puppy that you need to find a home for" he retorted, and for the record; I know exactly who and what I need."

Toni cursed under her breath; she should have done this before he left this morning.

"James..."

"Forget it Toni, enjoy dinner."

Toni watched him leave and felt terrible, it shouldn't have gone this far but she realized something; she felt free. She didn't have to stress about returning phone calls or forgetting dates, on the other hand; she was going to miss him. She put the groceries away wishing that he had taken them with him; she was a horrible cook.

Mason was up and on the road by six, the further away from Katrina he got the better he felt telling him that he had made the right decision. This move would be good for him he decided as he sped down the highway further away from Katrina and the girls.

A week later Mason was sitting in Eustace's office.

"I'm glad that you decided to join me." Eustace said offering Mason a seat, "mind if I ask what changed your mind?"

"I just needed a change of scenery." Mason replied, "This is some office." he commented changing the subject.

"I'm glad that you like it. You know, sometimes we need someone to talk to too." Eustace said.

Mason didn't miss the hint.

"Thanks Eustace, I'll keep that in mind; so where's my office?"

Eustace took Mason on a tour of the building.

"The entire building is ours, I live on the top two floors and I have plenty of room if you need a place to stay."

"I'm good but thanks for the offer; I found a home just outside of the city limits. Tell me, does Ethan Sinclaire still come to see you?"

"Not lately, he's seeing someone near Oceanside; he does call on occasion to check in since I'm seeing some of the males of his family, why do you ask?"

"Just curious, he and I go way back." Mason replied knowing that Eustace wasn't fooled.

"He's a good man and he's working like hell to get his mate back." Eustace said watching Mason's expression.

Mason kept his expression impassive.

"Yes he always was a good man; it was his family that fucked him up." Mason replied.

"That's true but at any rate, he's working his ass off. The last time I spoke with him he sounded good, he said that he was making progress with his mate." Eustace hesitated before speaking again, "Mason, I want to ask you something and feel free to tell me to fuck off, but how much of your being here has to do with her?"

"Eustace?"

"Yes?"

"Fuck off." Mason said as he walked out of the office.

Just how in the fuck did Eustace know? Mason wondered. Unless he put two and two together which was entirely possible Eustace was a very intuitive man which is why he was so good at his job.

Mason walked through his newest home his mind on Katrina; he hoped that the intense acute longing would pass quickly. He pulled out his cell phone and looked at the pictures of Katrina and the girls for what had to be the thousandth time. He needed to delete them, it was doing him no good to keep them, for the hundredth time he touched the delete button but unlike all of the other times, he pushed it before he could change his mind.

"Fuck!" Mason exclaimed as the pictures disappeared.

After James left, Toni couldn't concentrate. She gave up and turned on the television looking for a sitcom or anything that wasn't serious. Guilt was starting to set in; she had hurt James badly and found herself hoping that he would call if only to let her know that he was alright. She toyed with calling him but decided against it, she didn't want to give him any ideas.

Her rumbling stomach reminded her that dinner was long past but she really didn't have anything quick other than ramen noodles. She thought about cooking the chicken that James left but decided that it was too much like work which left her only two options, the ramen noodles or going out to get something. The only problem with going out was that the closest fast food place was three blocks away and she wasn't in the best of neighborhoods. James had been trying to get her to move in with him but she had always refused; now she was glad that she did. After deliberating for a few minutes more, she decided to go out. The walk would do her good and maybe she could get her mind back into studying.

As she changed her clothes to go out, Toni looked at the picture of her parents. She wanted them to be proud of her and she wanted to take care of them the way that they had taken care of her. The plan was to move them to some place sunny and warm like Florida or Southern California. She already had brochures of places that she thought that they would like. That's why it was critical that she passed boards the first time around. 

Just as she was about to leave, her cell phone rang, she checked the caller ID; James.

"Toni? Why don't you love me?" he asked his voice slurred.

"James? Where are you?"


Mason Ch. 01



"What the fuck do you care? You don't love me."

"Yes I do, now tell me where you are." Toni insisted, "I'll come get you and we'll talk about it."

"Nope, not telling." he slurred.

"Why not?" Toni asked alarmed.

"Cos I'm going home with....what's your name? Oh I'm going home with ...oh shit! I forgot her name again." he said giggling.

"James! Don't you dare go home with a strange woman!"

"Night Toni, I love you!"

The line went dead. There were any number of places where James could be but their favorite one was Max's where she was supposed to meet him last night. She would start there.

Toni got to Max's just as James was leaving with a pretty blond.

"Hey Toni!" James greeted, this is my friend but I don't remember her name." he laughed.

The woman was every bit as drunk as James was.

"Hi honey! Want to join the party?"

"Umm no thanks but I'll take James from you though."

"Nope, not going with you." James said.

Mason couldn't take it any longer, he had to get out. He vanished to the downtown area and just started walking not really caring where he was going. The activity settled his mind allowing him to think more clearly about what he needed to do to get over Katrina and move on. Finding his mate would help but he didn't want to burden her with his emotional baggage. That brought up another issue, would he love her as he did Katrina? If not then it wouldn't be fair to either of them but maybe the love he felt for Katrina would be transferred to his mate. His suspicion was that that might be true to a point but his mate would never have all of him; there would be a part of his heart that she would never be able to touch. It would take a strong, confident woman to be able to accept something like that and he wondered if she existed.

"James, come on! You're not going home with whoever she is; you're coming home with me." Toni said as she tried to pull James away from the woman.

"Hey! He's mine, but I can share." The woman said giggling.

Toni scanned the faces of the people coming out of the bar hoping that one of them would be a friend. After several people came out, and she didn't recognize anyone; she gave up.

James was weaving back and forth on his feet his arm around his new found friend and started to walk away, searching his pockets for his car keys. As soon as he pulled them out, Toni grabbed them.

"Give me my keys!" James yelled.

"I am not letting you drive like this and you know better." Toni replied putting the keys in her pocket.

As drunk as the woman was, she knew when it was time to move on. She pulled away from James and went back into the bar to look for someone who was unattached. 

Toni put an arm around James' waist to support him and wondered what to do. She could have put him in his car and taken him to her apartment but his car was a stick shift and she hadn't a clue as to how to drive it. She thought about a cab but the apartment was only four blocks away, maybe they could make it and the walk might do him good; but that left the issue of his car. 

"Hey Toni!" a voice from behind her said, "What's going on?"

"Oh hey Mark, James had a little too much to drink and I was going to take him home but I can't drive his car and I can't leave it here. You don't happen to drive stick do you?"

"Nope, but I can ask the bar manager if he can leave it here til morning." Mark replied.

A few minutes later, Mark came out.

"He can leave it here but how are you going to get him to your place?"

James had been quiet up until that point.

"I can drive, give me my keys back."

Toni ignored him.

"I live about four blocks from here; the walk will do him good. Thanks for talking to the manager."

They had only gone about a block and a half before Toni realized that she had made a huge mistake; she should have called a cab. James was stumbling and it was all that she could do to keep him on his feet. He kept trying to lie down on the sidewalk to go to sleep.

"Not yet, two more blocks and then you can sleep." she told him.

James's knees began to buckle, Toni tried to hold him up but couldn't. Just as he was about to hit the sidewalk, Toni saw hands appear under his armpits.

Mason continued to wander aimlessly as he tried to figure out what he needed to do, one thing was clear; he couldn't go back to California until he either found his mate or he had gotten over Katrina. While he felt better now that there was two-thousand plus miles between them, just the thought of her hurt. He stopped walking and looked around, he was somewhere near downtown; there had to be a bar open somewhere.

He continued his walk, paying closer attention to his surroundings. As he rounded a corner, he saw a couple walking ahead of him. The male was obviously drunk and the female was trying to keep him on his feet. Mason watched as the man's legs started to give way and the woman tried to stop his fall, being the gentleman that he was, he rushed forward and caught the man under his armpits and stood him up.

"Thank you!" Toni exclaimed.

"You're welcome." Mason replied looking at Toni, "where are you going?"

"I was trying to get him home, I should have called a cab but I thought that we could make it."

Mason took a closer look at Toni and liked what he saw, her build was similar to Katrina's and...

"Stop it!" he told himself. 

"Can I help you get him home?" 

Toni hesitated. There was no way that she could get James home by herself and the only other person around was a stranger. She really had no choice and besides, she didn't feel threatened by the stranger in spite of the fact that he was huge and he was holding James up as if he weighed nothing.

"Thank you, I can pay you for your time when we get back to the apartment." 

"No payment is necessary; my name by the way is Mason Donahue."

"I'm Toni Greene and the man you're holding up is James Jacobson."

"Toni? We home yet?" James asked in a slurred voice.

"No, not yet but soon." she replied.

"After you." Mason said as he hefted James over his shoulder.

Toni glanced at Mason and started walking.

"This is it." Toni said indicating the old apartment building.

"You live here?" Mason asked.

"For now." Toni replied, "I know that it's a lot to ask but could you take him inside?"

Mason gave the building another look, "she doesn't belong here." he thought as he readjusted a now unconscious James on his shoulder.

Toni led the way giving Mason a good look at her behind, "very nice." he thought and then reminded himself that she was taken by the drunken man he carried.

"In here." Toni said leading Mason into the bedroom.

Mason tossed James onto the bed none to gently, he despised males who would put their mates in the position that this one had. She could have been hurt or worse trying to get him home, if she would have been attacked, he was in no shape to help her.

"Thank you again for helping me get him home." Toni said.

"My pleasure, I was actually looking for a bar when I saw you. Where's the nearest one?"

"About four blocks from here, that's where we were coming from. I could use a drink myself, mind if I join you?"

Mason was surprised that she would leave the man alone and decided to question it.

"What about your boyfriend?"

"It's a really long story but he isn't my boyfriend anymore."

"And you would have a drink with a stranger?" Mason asked.

"Ordinarily no, But you did carry him home and if you wanted to kill us you could have and been gone by now and no one would have missed us for a couple of days and I really do need a drink."

Mason felt relieved that the man wasn't her lover or something more, he had just figured out who and what this woman was. She was his mate but why wasn't he feeling pulled toward her?



Mason Ch. 02



Mason couldn't believe that he had found her already. The problem was this, he wasn't ready to find her, he had too much to work through at least that's what he told himself.

"Thank you but I really need to be alone tonight." Mason said politely.

Toni shrugged and walked Mason to the door.

"Well thanks again, we wouldn't have made it without you." Toni said.

"You're welcome and it was very nice to meet you." Mason said as he left the apartment.

Mason headed toward the bar. As he walked several things occurred to him, while he recognized Toni as his mate and found her very attractive, the one thing that he had half hoped for didn't happen. He wasn't hit with an overwhelming desire to be with this woman, as a matter of fact; he didn't even feel the desire to see her again. From what he understood from Ethan and the other mated males that he knew, it should have been almost impossible for him to walk away from her but yet here he was heading for the nearest bar.

Meeting Toni showed Mason something else; it showed him that even if he were to fall in love with her; she would never have all of him while he would have all of her. He weighed his options and then gave up deciding that what he really needed was time to mourn the loss of Katrina. Once he did that, he could think about Toni Greene.

Toni peeked in at James. He was snoring heavily like he always did when he was drunk. A pang of guilt hit her, he only drank like that when he was upset and hurt and she had hurt him badly. Once again she wondered why she didn't love him as much as he did her and then wondered if the love that she had for him was enough. James seemed to think it was and he was so confident that her love for him would grow. "Who's to say he wasn't right?" She asked herself.

She changed her clothes and got into bed with him, instinctively; he turned toward her and wrapped an arm around her, waking only briefly to kiss her shoulder before going back to sleep. Toni knew that when he woke up in bed with her that he would assume that they were back together. She began making a mental list of the things that she could do so that she wouldn't forget their dates and then she stopped herself, what they needed to do was talk.

Mason sat in the bar until it closed, two women tried to convince him to go home with them and while almost tempted, he declined. Now wasn't the time to indulge in risky behavior because he was upset. He politely sent the women on their way and headed toward the men's room. From there he vanished to his house and began to unpack and rearrange his bedroom until it was just past dawn. When he was satisfied that his bedroom was arranged the way that he wanted it, he lay down to rest.

"Toni?" James called softly. His head pounded and his mouth felt like it was filled with dirty socks. 

"Morning, how's the head?"

"It hurts like hell, how did I get here?" James asked.

"Someone helped me get you here and into bed. Were you really going to go home with that woman?"

James frowned.

"What woman? Oh god, Toni what did I do?" James asked.

"You got drunk, called me and told me that you had a new friend whose name that you couldn't remember and that you were going home with her."

"Toni, I am so sorry! I was just upset about us...."

"James." Toni interrupted, "It's alright, get in the shower and I'll make some coffee."

James didn't reply but gave her a curious look.

"Toni..."

"Shower, coffee and then we talk." she replied getting out of bed.

James came out to the kitchen with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Toni glanced at him and handed him a cup of coffee.

"I put your clothes in the wash but if you want something more to wear than a towel, your shorts are in their usual place. We can go get your car later."

"Thanks but you didn't have to wash my clothes."

"I had some things to wash too so its all good. How's the head?"

"Better, how did you get me here?" he asked as he took a sip of the coffee and grimaced. Her coffee was as bad as her cooking.

"We walked for about two blocks before you decided that it was time to go nighty-night on the pavement. You were on your way down when a man happened along and helped me get you here." Toni replied.

"You let a strange man in here? What were you thinking?" James asked alarmed.

"What was I thinking?" Toni asked, "I'm not the one who got drunk and was going to go home with a strange woman! I'm also not the one who almost passed out on the street and would have if that man hadn't stopped! I couldn't get you home by myself and he offered to help. The question is what in the hell were you thinking? You were going to drive drunk if I hadn't taken your keys and go home with some woman that you didn't even know!"

James was red faced with embarrassment.

"You're right, I'm sorry and in answer to your question, I wasn't thinking. Thanks for coming after me; I'll be out of your hair as soon as my clothes are dry."

Toni took a deep breath.

"James, I want to talk about us."

"But you said...."

"I know what I said and but I realized that we never talked about what was wrong with us, we break up and get back together without really talking about why we broke up to begin with"

"Whatever you want..."

"No James" Toni interrupted, "that's been a big part of our problem. You do whatever it is that I want and it's not fair to either of us and even though I knew it, I let you do it, you get mad, I cry and then you give in and don't hold me accountable for my part in why we don't work. So here's what we're going to do, we're going to talk this thing out and if at the end we decide that it's not really meant to be then we end it as friends and move on."

James wasn't sure of what happened that she was willing to talk about their relationship but he wasn't going to ask especially if there was a chance that they could work things out. He knew that she was right in saying that he never held her accountable for her part in the success or failure of their relationship. He had been too afraid to, he didn't want to lose her and if playing by her rules was going to prevent that then he'd do it. There were other women that weren't nearly as challenging as Toni was but she was who he wanted, who he loved and who he needed.

"Alright but Toni? Can we go get some breakfast first? I can't think on an empty stomach."

Two hours later Toni and James sat in the breakfast café not far from where she lived each of them had a notebook and were writing when the waitress came to take their order. Toni looked up and recognized the waitress as the woman that James was going to go home with, the woman looked at Toni but appeared not to recognize her but her eyes lit up when she saw James.

"Hi Jamie!" she gushed. 

James looked at her with a blank expression on his face.

"Hi, umm do I know you?"

Toni almost felt bad for the woman as her face fell.

"We met last night; we were going to my place until some woman showed up."

She took another look at Toni recognition on her face.

"You, it was you."

"Yep and I don't share my men." Toni said coolly.

James watched with his mouth opened in surprise, she had really taken him back at least for the moment.

The waitress grumpily took their orders and stomped off leaving them alone.

An hour later they finished breakfast and walked back to Toni's apartment. James was second guessing at whether he should have eaten as much as he had. He was so nervous that he was nauseated. A few minutes later they were sitting in the living room on the sofa and Toni was talking.

"The biggest thing for me is that you don't go nuts if you don't hear from me for a day or so. I just need to be able to spend some time alone. I understand that you miss me when you don't see me for a few days but when you want to spend every waking minute with me I feel smothered."

That revelation surprised James, he hadn't thought about it quite like that. In his mind he was showing her how much he cared for her, his parents were always together outside of work; it was rare to see one without the other.

"I can see that but why didn't you just say that instead of forgetting that we had plans? I won't lie and tell you that I wouldn't have been hurt at first but I would have understood and adjusted. I can learn to deal with not seeing you every day but I can't and won't deal with not talking to you at least once or twice a day and I expect you to make it to any thing that we plan barring a major emergency."

It felt good to say all of the things that he had been thinking but was too afraid to say, she was finally taking some ownership in this relationship or whatever it was. James hesitated, he had more to say.

"What?" Toni asked.

"I want us to make love more often. Don't get me wrong, I love lying in bed and holding you but sometimes I need more."

Toni wondered just how long he had been thinking about that and decided to ask.

"A while." he replied with a small smile, "Toni, look; I love you but I can't keep doing this thing with you. Yesterday you broke up with me twice in less than twelve hours and I'm sure that has got to be a record somewhere but you need to be sure about what you want before you tell me that you want to try again and make all kinds of promises about doing better that you can't keep. If you tell me that you want to really work at us being a couple I want you to be sure it's not because you feel guilty about our past relationship and I will hold you to your word. If you agree to work on this, the past becomes the past and we start with a clean slate. I'm going to go home now, I have to do some things to get ready for my shift tomorrow but call me whenever you're ready to talk again."

Toni walked James to the door and kissed him.

"James, just so you know that the issue isn't whether I love you or not; it's that you love me more than I love you..."

"For now." James interrupted, "I still believe that if you would just let go you'd find that you love me a lot more than you realize. Goodnight sweetness." James said as he walked out.

Mason wasn't resting well, his thoughts alternated between Katrina and the girls and Toni. In retrospect, he should have taken Toni out for a drink, there would have been no harm in that and he would have learned something about her. He was still bothered by his lack of feelings for her and the fact that he could walk away from her so easily although it did make things easier for him in some ways.

He was due in the office tonight, he and Eustace needed to work out the details of their partnership and office hours. Eustace he knew liked to work Sunday night thru Thursday nights giving him the weekend off, it was a nice schedule if one had something to do. Finally, he decided to keep the same schedule as Eustace, it would keep Eustace from asking him why he wanted to work the weekends.

It occurred to Mason that had he taken Toni out for a drink his weekends might have been different but then another thought occurred to him, she hadn't acted like she was drawn to him either. He wondered what that was all about. Maybe she had issues too but the fact remained that they should have felt more for each other than the passing interests that they both displayed toward each other.

Eustace was waiting for him when he got there.

"How was your night?" Eustace asked.

"Quiet, how about yours?" Mason replied.

Mason wasn't fooled, Eustace wanted to talk to about his real reason for the sudden move to Boston. 

"Mason..."

"I think I'll keep the same hours as you if that's alright."

"Of course but..."

Mason lost patience.

"Eustace, I know what you want to discuss and its none of your business as long as it doesn't interfere with our work here. If and when I decide to discuss it, you'll be the first to know."

Eustace started to say something and then changed his mind, it was clear that Mason wasn't ready to talk about his feelings for another man's mate.

After setting their hours, Mason went to his office to prepare for his first client. Word of his arrival had spread quickly; he found his schedule already full. He was glad, it would keep him busy and he could concentrate on other people's problems allowing him to forget about his own for a while.

The last appointment left just before five am, another case of someone wanting something that they couldn't have except in this case, the vampire wanted to stop drinking blood of any kind.

"That isn't an option." Mason said, "You stop drinking blood, you die. Is that what this is about? Do you want to die?" he asked.

The vampire shook his head no; he just didn't like what he was.

Mason vanished home and took a shower; he was reconsidering whether he should find Toni and ask her out. She was single or so she said and who knew? Maybe the emotions that he had expected to feel for her might come forward if he spent some time with her.

Toni sat at her laptop taking mock boards while James puttered around in the kitchen. He was cooking the chicken, asparagus and rice from the several nights before. Her stomach grumbled as the odor of chicken and garlic filled the small apartment. She had taken three days to think about everything that they had talked about. She had to seriously examine her motives for wanting to give them another try. She was well aware that guilt had a small part in it, how could it not? She had treated James like shit and he had let her but the responsibility of her actions was ultimately hers. And then there was the sex, could she live with sex that was mediocre at best? She fully understood that sex wasn't the end all in a relationship but it should be better than it was right? It occurred to her that she never really told James what she liked and that she had always denied him the one thing that she loved and that was to be eaten out. Why she wouldn't let him she didn't know, why she didn't tell him what she wanted in bed she didn't have the answer to that question either but what was becoming clear is that the majority of their problems was because they didn't talk about what they wanted or needed from each other. That was something that was going to have to change if this was going to work.

She called James to ask him to dinner when he hesitated she said, "for god's sake, I'm not cooking! I'll get take out or something."

She ordered all of his favorites, took a hot shower and set the table. She was going to tell him that she wanted to try again and if it didn't work this time then it wasn't meant to be and they would remain friends if that was even possible, that was two nights ago. That night over dinner they talked and then talked late into the night laying all of the cards out on the table. By the end of the night they were officially back together and had a much better understanding of each other.

They were both off for the next two days and spent one day of it together, the sex was better although Toni couldn't really say in what way. The only thing that stayed the same was that she still hadn't allowed him to do the one thing that he wanted to do ever since they made love for the first time, he wanted to taste her. They did everything else but that and she still didn't understand why. Maybe it was because in her mind, that would be the final piece of giving herself totally to James but whatever the reason, at some point the was going to ask her about it.

It wasn't long before the subject of her moving in with him came up she had managed to put him off by telling him that they needed to get used to the change in their relationship before they could think about living together and reluctantly, James agreed. The subject was dropped but came up again a week later and not because of James.

Toni had just finished her shift and was actually leaving on time. Her plan was to run home, take a shower, change her clothes and be ready by the time James got there they were supposed to be meeting friends at Max's for drinks. She ran up the stairs to her apartment stopping short when she saw that the door to her apartment was cracked open. She thought about going in to see what the damage was but thought better of it, someone might still be inside. She went back down the stairs and called the police with her cell phone.

The police were there in ten minutes. They made her wait outside while they checked out her apartment, after a few minutes they called her up. The place had been trashed; Toni looked around in shock, grateful that she had taken her laptop to the hospital with her. A few minutes later James came running up the stairs.

"Toni?"

"In here!" she called.

James went into the bedroom.

"Jesus Toni! Are you alright?" he asked hugging her.

"I'm fine, but look at my apartment!" Toni said crying.

"Miss, do you have somewhere else that you could stay tonight?" a policeman asked.

"She's staying with me" James said before Toni could reply, his tone said that he wasn't going to accept a no from her.

"Good, just give us a number where you can be reached." the officer said as he pulled out a pencil.

James packed up her books while Toni packed a bag including the picture of her parents. She had lived in the apartment for two years and never had a problem until now.

"Well, I guess you got your wish." Toni said as she came out of the bedroom carrying her bag.

"I wanted you to move in with me but I didn't want it to happen like this." James replied.

Toni locked the door behind her making a mental note to call the landlord in the morning.

It took Mason a week to come to a decision, he was going to go back to Toni's apartment and ask her out for a drink. Maybe if he spent time with her he would feel more for her, it was worth a try at least. Once he made the decision, it seemed like time slowed down and it was only Monday.

Mason kept busy by seeing as many patients as he could. He could tell that Eustace still wanted to talk about Katrina but he wasn't ready to admit that he needed help so that he could move on with his life whether it be with Toni or alone.

Mason left his house as early as he could on Friday evening opting to drive in case Toni wanted to go out to dinner. He had no idea of what her schedule was or if she'd even be home, he could only hope that she was and that she was still single.

He found the apartment easily and was knocking on her door when someone came up behind him.

"Can I help you?" A young man asked.

"I'm looking for Toni Greene." Mason replied.

"She doesn't live here, I moved in a couple of days ago."

"Do you know where she went?" Mason asked.

"No, sorry but the manager might be able to help you; he'll be here in the morning."

Mason walked away kicking himself for his lack of foresight. He had no idea of where she had gone and wasn't sure of where to begin looking for her except.... He got back into the car and headed toward Max's.

Toni settled in at James' apartment. He kept his word and didn't crowd her and the fact that she was living with him helped, he had stopped being clingy and would actually go out with friends without her. He fixed the spare bedroom up with a desk, chair and television so she could study or just have a place to go when she needed to be alone. As the weeks wore on, Toni found that she really did love with James, maybe with not the same intensity but even that was changing. They made love more frequently which made James happy and she found that she was happier too. 

They hadn't been back to Max's since the night that James had gotten drunk opting to spend their nights at home studying together for boards or just watching television. Their life together had settled into a comfortable routine.

After a month of going to the same bar, Mason began to wonder if Toni had left the state or at the very least moved to another part of it. The thought that she might be with James didn't occur to him as it should have but even if it had he wouldn't have known where to look for him.




Mason Ch. 02



With another long weekend looming ahead of him, Mason sat down at his desk and turned on his computer and began surfing the web. It wasn't long before he googled Toni's name, at first he got nothing and then realized that Toni was short for Antoinette. He typed in her name and was hit with a list that had to contain hundreds of women with her name. Mason worked until he had the list narrowed to what he considered to be manageable; one hundred names.

The next thing he did was to Google James Jacobson, as with Toni; there were several pages of men with that name. By the time he was done, he had a list that was almost as long as the one that he had for Toni. Starting with Toni, he narrowed the list to fifty and then finally to ten. He repeated the process with James. He sat back and looked at the lists and went to bed.

"Let's go somewhere." James said cuddling Toni after they made love. They had been living together for four months now.

"Like where?" Toni asked as she cuddled closer to James.

"I don't know, how about Vegas? My folks have a place there and I know for a fact that it's empty, they're in Hawaii for the next six weeks"

"I don't know James. I need to study and so do you for that matter." Toni replied.

"Why can't we do it there? And besides, boards are quite a ways off." James said, "Toni, when was the last time that we both had more than two days off together? We have almost two weeks off together and it would be a shame if we didn't do something with the time."

The more Toni thought about it, the more she realized that James was right. It had been a long time since she'd really relaxed and maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to leave the books at home and just have fun.

"I agree but under one condition." she replied.

"Whatever you want." James replied.

"We leave the books and laptops here."

James was surprised but didn't argue with her.

"Deal! Let's get moving. If we leave soon we can be at the airport in an hour." James said as he got out of bed.

James' enthusiasm was infectious, Toni found herself getting into the spirit of things. She heard him on the phone talking to the pilot of his parent's private plane. Toni knew that he came from money, a whole lot of it but that was never the attraction for her; it was the fact that he never flaunted it, his car was a run of the mill older Honda and his apartment while nice wasn't over the top. To look at him one would never know that he came from one of the wealthiest families in the state of Massachusetts. She once asked him why he was going to be a doctor when he could have sailed through his life without a worry.

"Having money isn't all it's cracked up to be and besides a man has got to have some purpose in his life. I chose medicine partly because I thought that I would be good at it and partly because I knew it would piss my father off which it did at first. The other thing is I wanted to be able to support my wife and children on my own without the benefit of my family's money."

That was what really drew her towards him. As for herself, she didn't come from money; her mother was a registered nurse and her father a maintenance man at the college where she got her undergraduate degree. Her parents often worked extra shifts to help her pay for books and tuition and she got a break on that because her father was an employee at the college. 

Medical school was another matter; she picked up odd jobs here and there to help support herself. That in addition to the grants and loans combined with the additional help from her parents had gotten her to this point.

An hour later they were at the airport and boarding the plane. It was the first time that Toni had ever been on a private jet; she looked around and was awed by the way the other half lived. 

Later that evening, they were at the condo standing on the balcony watching the traffic go by. This was Toni's first visit to Vegas and she was taken but the lights and the crowds of people. James stood behind her with his arms around her; he thought about the diamond ring in his pocket and prayed that she would accept it. He had finally told his parents about her and there were mixed reactions, he hadn't talked about her earlier because he never knew from day to day whether they were together or not. Once they came to an understanding, he went home to talk to his parents. His father much to his surprise didn't have any major issues; it was his mother who objected.

"Who are her people? What do they do for a living?" she demanded, and why a black woman? Aren't there any nice white women there?" she asked, "and how do you know that she's not after your money?"

James became angry, "What is it with you? Why do you think that everyone is after my money? I will grant you that some of them were but not Toni. She wouldn't even let me pay her rent one month when she was short. Her parents worked their asses off to help her and she works her ass off so that they don't have to help her so much so don't make judgments about something that you know nothing about. As to her parent's, they're good, honest hardworking people. Her mother is a registered nurse and her father does maintenance work at the college where Toni got her undergraduate degree any other questions? "

"If she's so special, why are we just hearing about her?" his mother asked.

"We had things to work out and before you say anything, it wasn't of a racial nature. We had to come to some understandings about what we wanted and needed from each other." James replied.

Finally James' father spoke.

"She sounds like a good woman but I have to agree with your mother in that I wished that she wasn't black but having said that I know that things aren't the way they used to be, this kind of thing is much more accepted now then it was even ten years ago. The only thing that I want to ask is this, do you love her and does she love you?"

"We love each other." James stated without hesitation.

"If you're going to marry this what's her name? Toni, the least that you can do is to get her to sign a prenuptial agreement." His mother said.

"Absolutely not!" James protested, "And it's not up for discussion." James said and walked out.

"Toni, do your parents know about me?" he asked.

Her stomach flipped; in the time that they had been together they had never really talked about their parents.

"They know." she replied.

"And?" James prompted.

"They have no issue with the race thing if that's what you're asking. You're not the first white man that I've dated." she replied.

"I told my parents about you too. I thought that my father would be the one to object but it was my mother. At any rate, they know all about you and how much I love you."

James hesitated before continuing.

"Toni, I love you; you know that and I know that you love me too, marry me."

James took the diamond out of his pocket as Toni turned to face him.

"James, I ... what about our schedules? And our families will be royally pissed off." 

"I already thought about that too but this is just for us; we'll have a family wedding later. As for our schedules, we'll work it out. Toni, marry me."

Toni didn't know what to say, she had known that he was going to ask her but it still came as a surprise. She felt the cool metal of the ring slide onto her finger and wondered why she was hesitating. 

James waited nervously, knowing that it could go either way. He also knew that while she loved him, it wasn't with the same intensity that he loved her but he just didn't care, he still believed that in time, she would love him just as much as he loved her.

"Yes." Toni said so softly that James wasn't sure that he heard her right.

"Yes?" he asked seeking confirmation.

"Yes."

James bent down to kiss her holding her so tight that she almost couldn't breathe. She broke the kiss laughing.

"You're going to kill me before we get married!"

James loosened his hold on her with a chuckle.

"Sorry sweetness, I guess I'm so happy that you said yes. I want to marry you tonight, the chapel is open."

"Tonight? What about the blood tests and the license?" Toni asked.

James' face fell.

"There is that, hold on let me find out what we need."

He gave himself a mental kick in the ass, he should have researched this but he really didn't think that she'd agree to come to Vegas and even if she did that she would say yes to getting married. 

Toni heard him on the phone talking to the front desk and he sounded pleased.

"Well, we can get the blood test done in the morning and there is no waiting period. After that we can go get our license, by tomorrow night you'll be Dr. Antoinette Jacobson. That has a nice ring to it doesn't it?"

Toni had to agree that it did even as she ignored the little twinge that she felt in her gut but decided that it was just nerves and nothing more. She didn't resist when James led her back into the condo and into the bedroom, what surprised her is that she really wanted him. It wasn't her usual acceptance that they were going to make love, she wanted and needed him. 

Even James sensed the difference in her response as they kissed; it was as if she was throwing everything that she had into it. James found himself wishing that he had proposed sooner, apparently this was what she needed in order to let go.

As always, James made love to her slowly spending extra time on her nipples which were always sensitive but seemed even more so tonight. He trailed kisses down her soft stomach and wondered if she would allow him to do the one thing he had wanted to do from the first time they made love, he wanted to taste her. He wanted to feel her throb on his tongue as he ate her.

Toni let herself go, she was at a loss as to why the change but didn't question it. The nervousness that she felt not long before was gone, there was only here and now. Toni felt James' warm breath on her thighs and knew that he was waiting for her to either stop him or let him continue. She gently pushed her hips up to his face letting him know that he could go on. James hesitated for the briefest of moments not quite believing that she was going to allow him to do this.

James thought that he had died and gone to heaven as the tip of his tongue touched her for the first time. He felt her tense and then heard her moan softly as she pushed herself against his mouth. James however wasn't in a hurry; he pulled back and teased her until she moaned in frustration. He spread her lips wide and latched onto her swollen and throbbing clit and sucked her into a mind blowing orgasm. Even before it ended, he was on top of her sliding into to her slowly. They came together clinging tightly to each other as the orgasms waned.

"Jesus Toni! That was amazing!" James said as he held her afterwards. And for once Toni agreed.

Mason had narrowed his search down to two Antoinette Greene's and one James Jacobson. James, Mason noted was the only offspring of a very wealthy family, searching further; he found a picture of James and recognized him as the drunken man that he had carried home several weeks before.

He went back to the two Toni Greene's. It took him awhile but he finally located the right one but there wasn't a whole lot of information on her. Following a hunch, he logged on to face book. He didn't have an account so he set up another email address and set up an account. Like on Google, there were hundreds of women with her name. He typed in James' name and had better luck but the problem was he couldn't see any information because he wasn't on their friends list. He went back to Toni's page and sent a friends request along with a message.

"I don't know if you remember me but I carried your friend home one night after he drank too much. I've been looking for you to take you out for that drink."

He hit "send request" and logged off. All he could do now was wait for her to respond. As the days went by, Mason was coming to realize how big of an error that he made when he didn't take her out for a drink.

James and Toni left Vegas as Drs. James and Toni Jacobson, the reactions of their parents were basically the same; disappointed, hurt and angry.

"We're going to have a wedding." Toni told her mother, "You'll meet him soon I promise."

"They're upset." she told James after the phone call, "and they want to meet you ASAP."

"No problem and my parent's aren't real happy with us either and they want to meet you too." he replied hugging her.

"Maybe we shouldn't have gotten married." Toni said softly.

"Yes we should have. Toni, we're adults and we made a decision that our parents aren't happy with but they'll get over it especially when we give them a wedding date." he replied.

They had been home for two weeks before Toni logged onto face book to post that she and James had gotten married. When she saw the request from Mason she couldn't believe it. The question was why he was contacting her now and what she should do about it. After debating for several minutes, she declined the request, she was now a married woman and he had blown his chance to have a drink with her.

Mason checked his email daily for a response from Toni, after a month he realized that she hadn't accepted his invitation going. He knew that she was still active on face book so that wasn't the issue. He decided to try again.

"Hello, I'm still wondering about that drink." and hit send message.

Toni saw the message and declined it, why was he so anxious to have a drink with her now? He didn't act interested when they met. She remembered how he had politely brushed her off when she offered to have a drink with him. After thinking about it for several seconds, she hit the decline option and logged realizing that she never did post about her and James. She almost got back on but changed her mind; if she got back on she wouldn't be able to resist one of her guilty pleasures, "Farmville."

Mason checked daily for a response from Toni and it wasn't long before he realized that she wasn't going to respond; the question was why. He found out several days later.

Mason was a voracious news hound; every television in his house was turned to a news station whether it was CNN or the local news. He read the various news papers even if they had the same stories; it was the various points of view on the same story that interested him. Mason even found the society pages interesting even though he didn't know anyone in them, that was until today.

He sat was sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee when he opened the society page. There was an article and picture about none other than Dr. James Jacobson and his new wife Dr. Antoinette Jacobson formally Dr. Antoinette Greene. Mason's breath left him in a gush, "she married him." he murmured in shock. 

Several emotions ran through him, anger; but not at her, sadness and confusion. The not taking her out for that drink when he had the chance had just cost him dearly. His mate had married another. That brought back thoughts of Katrina, she had chosen another over him and Toni had just done the same thing. He made himself slow down; he hadn't given Toni the chance to choose him. It finally dawned on him that Toni was the one who was supposed to help him get over Katrina and in his efforts to be fair to her or maybe it was stupidity, he had pushed her away, it didn't occur to him that there were other reasons for his rejection of her. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Mason swore, "It was one damned drink, how could one fucking drink have such enormous consequences?" he asked himself as he threw the paper down. One thing was for sure, he wasn't going to let Toni get away from him. He already lost one woman to someone else and he wasn't going to let it happen again. "But it already did." he whispered to himself as he looked at the article and the accompanying picture.

Two years later

"James are you sure that you're alright?" Toni asked concerned.

"Baby, I'm fine! If you don't stop hovering you're going to be late." he said as he hugged her, "it's just the flu."

"I can stay home with you and make some homemade chicken soup." She replied.

James hesitated before speaking.

"Toni, you know that I love you and everything about you except your cooking and your coffee, it sucks so go to work and I'll see you tonight." James said.

"Ok fine! See if I ever offer to make soup for you again!" she teased.

"Is that a promise?" James teased back.

Her love for him had grown just as he had known it would. Once their parents had gotten over the shock of their Vegas wedding and they had a family wedding everything had worked out except for one thing, he wanted a baby and she didn't at least not yet. They hadn't exactly argued about it but had some heated discussions, she was right in that it was something that they should have talked about before they got married but it wouldn't have changed anything, he would have married her even if she didn't want children.

James watched as she drove away, it was going to be a long day. He headed back to the bedroom and climbed back into bed cursing at himself because he didn't get the flu shot. He set the alarm for five so that he could get up and make dinner for them and he had a surprise for her.

For the past two years Mason watched Toni from afar, he was over Katrina as much as he could be or so he thought. It didn't hurt so much to think about her and the girls but he didn't lie to himself either, he still loved her. Maybe it was time to have that talk with Eustace. Even now he didn't feel particularly drawn to Toni but maybe it was because she was now married. The fact was that he didn't understand the lack of attraction to her any more than he did when he first saw her. He hadn't tried to contact her since she didn't respond to his friends request on face book for the second time but he watched her career with interest. He watched James too and realized that she really did love him. If she hadn't, he would have found some way to interfere but seeing as she loved her husband, his damned honor wouldn't allow him to break up what seemed to be a happy marriage.

He really was at a loss as to what he should do. He didn't want to move again, he liked Boston; even the winters which surprised him. To keep himself occupied he took lovers but was very careful not to let them get too attached to him, more than once he had to erase a woman's memory of him. Here it was another weekend night and he was alone. He wondered if Eustace was busy, he had to get a handle on his feelings for Katrina.

"Eustace, Mason here; are you busy tonight?"

Two hours later, Mason was sitting in Eustace's living room. It reminded him of the times that Ethan sat in his living room trying to make sense of how he could have hurt Katrina. Now here he was trying to figure out how to stop loving her so that he could move on.

"What's on your mind?" Eustace asked.

"Cut the bull shit Eustace, you know why I'm here." Mason snapped.

"I think I do, but why don't you tell me."

"I'm fucking in love with another man's wife! Alright? And I met my own mate three years ago and I fucked that up too. She married someone else."

Eustace didn't say anything for a long time.

"Why don't we start with Katrina? I think that she's at the root of all of this. Would you agree?" Eustace asked.

Mason nodded, it was true. Ever since he first laid eyes on her, that would have been just after she'd been raped he felt something for her. Even then Ethan knew it but had been so wrapped up in his guilt that he dismissed it until much later.

"Tell me about her." Eustace said.

"What do you want to know?" Mason asked, "Do you want to hear about how my heart went pitter patter when I saw her?" he asked sarcastically.

"If that's what happened, then yes." Eustace replied unfazed by the sarcasm.




Mason Ch. 02



Mason hesitated, never in all of his years had he gone to a therapist. He now understood the reluctance of Katrina and others. It was a frightening feeling to tell someone about your deepest thoughts and feelings. That he and Eustace were friends didn't make it any easier, in many ways it made it more difficult. For a brief moment, Mason reconsidered his decision to talk about Katrina. If he talked, he would have to talk about the rage he felt at Ethan for what he had done to her, he would have to confess that he has entertained thoughts of murder.

Eustace waited patiently for Mason to speak. He knew that for Mason to come to him, he had to be going through some major shit. Mason he knew was very private, he was very selective about whom he let get close to him and this Katrina must have been some woman to have him so out of sorts.

"The first time I saw her was after Ethan raped her. At first, I felt sorry for her, no one should have to go through something like that. Then I was angry and I wanted to kill him. I couldn't believe that he didn't recognize her, that he had hurt her like that. I still hadn't gotten a good look at her but I could tell that she was beautiful and so vulnerable. What ended up happening is that I tried to help Ethan understand what was happening and I simply fell in love with her. No, that's not true; the fucking fates decided that it would be amusing to let her have two mates and she had to choose which one of us she wanted." Mason said bitterly.

Eustace leaned back in his chair.

"When did you really fall in love with her?" Eustace asked.

"I don't know if I can answer that, I felt something for her from the beginning but I tried to disregard it. After all, she was Ethan's mate....and mine too but I think it was while she was pregnant. After Ethan came here, I began to spend a lot of time with her, Ethan asked me to look after her. I went to her appointments with her and I was holding her in my arms as she gave birth to the twins. The entire time I was wishing that she and they were mine, I still do."

"Ethan did that even though he knew of your feelings for Katrina? He had a great deal of trust in you." Eustace said, "Why didn't you take advantage of the opportunity?"

Mason was silent for several minutes before replying.

"My damned honor is why. In spite of what he did to her, Ethan was still my friend and I couldn't do it and don't think for one second that I didn't think about trying to sway her my way but it came down to this, I wanted her to choose me of her own free will."

"You were in quite a pickle as the humans would say." Eustace said, "At what point did you realize that she had chosen Ethan?"

Mason swallowed hard, even though that moment had been almost five years ago, it hurt as if had happened yesterday. He felt the same stab in his heart that he felt then as he watched Katrina choose Ethan without even realizing that she was doing it. Tears burned his eyes as they did then as he watched Katrina start to reach out to a sobbing Ethan who was seeing his babies for the first time and then stop herself. He should have left then but he couldn't as long as there was a glimmer of hope that she would change her mind. That was how he saw her hesitation; it was a glimmer of hope. He realized that Eustace was still waiting for him to answer.

"I knew she had chosen when Ethan saw the babies for the first time. He was sobbing and without thinking about it, she started to reach for him and stopped herself. I decided to interpret that as indecision so instead of leaving as I should have, I stayed. I stayed even after I was positive that I had lost her because I was hoping that Ethan would fuck up somehow."

"But he didn't." Eustace commented.

"No, he didn't. It's like you said, he worked his ass off and won her back without the benefit of the bond but you know that there is one thing that I've always wondered. What would have happened had I met her first?"

"What do you think would have happened?" Eustace asked.

"I believe that I would still be in California with Katrina as my wife with maybe a baby or two and not sitting here spilling my guts to your sorry ass." Mason replied.

Eustace laughed and then turned serious.

"I would love to meet this woman. She must be something special to have the stoic Mason Donahue in such knots. Tell me what she's like and I don't mean physically." Eustace said, "Ethan already covered that. I also know how he saw her but I'm interested in your observations."

"How to describe Katrina." Mason mused, "I can't do that without saying that she's beautiful and not just on the outside. The first impression I had was that she was so vulnerable. She had an innocence about her that had been destroyed during the rape and there was sadness about her that went beyond that night. But underneath all of that there was a strength that she didn't know she had. I watched her grow from a frightened, insecure woman into a quiet but secure woman in spite of the hand that had been dealt to her. It took courage not to abort those babies and even more courage to keep them and then to accept her rapist as her mate? That Eustace, is strength and Katrina is a woman that any man with half a brain would be proud to have as his mate and the mother to his children."

"You still love her very much, even after all of this time." Eustace commented, "The questions that you have to ask yourself are why you can't let her go and what you're going to do about it." Eustace said.

"What the fuck Eustace! Don't you think I've been doing that? I've already deleted their pictures from my phone!" Mason exclaimed.

Eustace was silent for several minutes, he was about to make Mason very angry.

"I think that you don't want to get over her...."

"What..." Mason interrupted.

"I think that deep down you're still hoping that Ethan will screw up and Katrina will come running to you for help."

"Now just a damned minute!" Mason said standing up.

"I also think that's why you were able to walk away from your mate, the one that married someone else. All you had to do was get to know her but I think that deep down you felt that you were somehow betraying Katrina even though she isn't and wasn't yours to betray but lets talk about your mate, the one you walked away from; what was she like? And feel free to describe her." Eustace said.

Mason sat down as he realized the truth of what Eustace told him. 

"Her name is Toni."

Mason told Eustace about the night that he and Toni met and her offer to have a drink with him and his declination. 

"I think about that night and realize that I should have taken her up on her offer. Now she's married to the man I carried home that night."

"Why haven't you told me what she looks like?" Eustace asked quietly. When Mason didn't answer he continued, "I'm going to go out on a limb and say that she reminds you if Katrina in some way. You don't have to answer; I see it in your face that I'm right. So here you are without Katrina whom you lost to Ethan and without Toni who you lost to a human man."

"Will you stop stating the fucking obvious?" Mason said gruffly.

"Let me ask you this." Eustace said, "What do you think would have happened if you had taken Toni up on the offer of having a drink with you?"

"She wouldn't have married the human male. I realized too late that she was the one who was supposed to help me get over Katrina but Eustace, she didn't seem any more interested in me that I did her." Mason replied.

"I have my hunches about that too, would you care to hear them?" Eustace asked.

"You're going to tell me anyway so have at it." Mason replied.

"Here's what I think, I think that she was following your lead. I don't know her but I'm guessing that she's very intuitive and that she picked up that you didn't want to be with her, whether she understood what was happening I can't say but if I had to guess I would say that she didn't. In effect what you did was to unintentionally release her to be with someone who wanted her."

Mason stared at Eustace horrified.

"Are you saying that I broke our bond?" he asked.

"No, not at all at least not in the way that Ethan broke the bond between him and Katrina. Your bond with Toni is still there but buried beneath whatever it is that she feels for her husband and I'm assuming that she loves him."

"What in the hell are you saying?" Mason demanded.

"I'm saying that you have a decision to make, you can either sit back and wait or you do something to take her away from him."

Mason was speechless; he now understood how Ethan must have felt when he heard that he had broken the bond between him and Katrina. 

"Eustace, it was one fucking drink!"

"Yes but it was the one thing that determined your future with Toni. But I have another difficult question for you. Are you sure that this woman is your mate or was it that she reminded you of Katrina? Is it possible that this is the reason why you didn't feel drawn to her? I'm not saying that she isn't your mate, I'm just looking at the possibilities."

It was something that Mason had already thought about at great length and discounted it, Toni Greene now Jacobson was his mate and he couldn't have her.

"I've already thought about that." Mason said, "And I've come to the conclusion that Toni is my mate but here's the thing, she will never have all of me. I'm not going to lie to you or myself about that and when the time comes I won't lie to her about that either but I don't know how I'm going to explain it to her."

"Mason, I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself, have you tried to contact her?" 

"Twice through face book but she never responded. I just found out that she had married from today's paper but that doesn't change how I feel about Katrina. What do I do about that? Moving here helped but I still miss her, there is hardly a day that passes that I don't think about her."

"You have to acknowledge that Ethan isn't going to fuck up, if that were going to happen it would have happened long before this. You have to face the fact that Katrina has chosen and that she loves Ethan even if she hasn't told him that. But maybe what needs to happen is that you need to see them together, I'm not saying confront them but go home unseen and see for yourself."

Mason's heart pounded, he couldn't do that. If he did he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to stay away from her.

"Mason?" Eustace said, "What are you thinking about?"

"I can't do that, maybe if my mate were with me I could but not now. If I went, I don't think that I'd come back." Mason replied.

The work day passed quickly for Toni, for which she was grateful. She admitted six patients all with flu like symptoms similar to James'. She called him several times that day worried about him.

"Sweetheart, I'm fine! I'm starting to feel better so stop worrying!" he told her although he would never admit that he loved the way that she worried over him. In fact he was feeling much better and was puttering around the kitchen when she called.

"Alright, I just admitted six patients with the same symptoms that you had but your symptoms were more severe. I'm wishing that I had made you come in to be admitted, as a matter of fact, I'm still thinking about it."

"Toni, I'm fine and besides I have my own private doctor who has an incredible bedside manner so hurry home so you can take care of me."

Toni laughed, James as it turned out was almost insatiable. When she asked him about his sexual appetite and why she didn't see it before he grinned at her.

"A guy's gotta have a few secrets." he teased, "but seriously, it was there but you weren't at least not in the way that you were after we got married. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I wasn't tempted to see other people but I swear that I never did anything about it. For one, I love you too much to disrespect you like that and for two I knew that when you finally realized that you loved me, it would be worth the wait and I was right."

That brought up the first discussion about a baby.

"James we're just getting started in our practice, I want to be established before I think about having a baby. I'm not saying no, I'm saying not yet."

The discussion ended in a stalemate but Toni knew it would come up again.

"Alright, unless something earth shattering happens I'll be out on time. Should I stop and get dinner?"

"No sweetness, just come home. I miss you."

Toni was home two hours later. She parked the car in the garage and walked into the kitchen. 

"James! I'm home!" she called as she sat her lunch bag on the counter, "James!" she called again becoming alarmed when he didn't respond. She turned off the stove on which a pot filled with water had been boiling and walked through the house calling James' name. The last room that she checked was the basement, he sometimes went down there to work on his "little projects" as he liked to call them. There he was with headphones on and nodding to whatever he happened to be listening to. Toni tapped him on his shoulder making him jump with a yelp of surprise.

"Jesus woman! You scared me half to death!" he exclaimed hugging her, "I'm glad you're home." he added.

"Me too, but did you know that you left the stove on?"

James frowned, "I did?" he asked.

"Yeah, I turned it off. You don't remember turning it on?" Toni asked.

"No, the cold meds must have my brain addled." James said, "And then I got busy with something else." He added mysteriously.

"What are you up to?" she asked hugging him back.

In the back of her mind she wondered whether she should take him to the hospital kicking and screaming. He felt warm to her, warmer than normal and he had lost some weight which in and of itself wasn't surprising since he had been sick but something niggled at her.

"James, please let's go to the hospital and have you checked out." she begged.

"Toni Jacobson you're becoming quite the nag." James teased, "But I'm fine. Let's go back upstairs and I'll finish dinner."

"But..."

But James was already halfway up the stairs.

Eustace didn't reply, he was sure that Mason would respond the way that he had. He wasn't ready to let Katrina go even though he said he was.

"What? No comments?" Mason asked.

"What do you want me to say?" Eustace asked, "That the bottom line is that you're not ready to let go of another man's wife. Until you're ready to that, I can't do anything but be a listening ear for you and you will always have my ear. But when you're ready to move forward with your life, come to me and we'll figure it out."

Mason went home miserable and conflicted about what to do. Eustace had told him exactly what he would have told anyone else. The bottom line was that in addition to the possibility that he wouldn't come back, he was afraid that he would see what Eustace thought that he would; a happy and content Katrina. It would be a sight that would force him to accept what he already knew to be true; Katrina was lost to him forever.

Mason sat in a recliner, put his feet up and closed his eyes to think. Eustace was right, he had to see for himself that Katrina was happy and well with Ethan, and he had to say his goodbyes to her even if it wasn't to her face. He briefly thought of a face to face with her if Ethan would agree but decided against what he was going to do would be hard enough.

Mason vanished from his chair to his house in California startling his staff.

"Do you need anything sir?" the butler asked.

"No, I won't be here very long." he replied as he went to his room.

He sat on the bed and remembered something that he often told his clients.

"Sometimes you have to do the things that you don't want to even if you're afraid to face them."

Before he could change his mind, he dialed Ethan's cell phone number. Ethan answered on the first ring.

"Mason?"

"Yes, it's been a while; how are things?"

"Good, how are you?" Ethan asked curious as to why Mason was calling after all of this time.

"I've been better, look I'm not going hand you a bunch of bullshit about looking through my contact list and stumbling across your number. I have a reason for calling you and I would like to see you and talk, I'm here at home can you make it over here?"

An hour later Ethan was sitting in Mason's living room. Mason thought it odd that Ethan used to come here for help and now Ethan was here to help him he hoped.

"Where in the hell have you been?" Ethan asked shaking Mason's hand.

"I moved to Boston and joined Eustace Matthews as a partner." Mason replied.

"Really? He never said anything." Ethan commented.

"That's because I asked him not to. I didn't want you or Katrina to know where I was. Ethan look, you know how I felt about her, that's why I moved. I thought that time and distance would help and it has to a small degree but it hasn't changed the way that I feel about her. I still love her and god help me, I've spent the last couple of years hoping that you would fuck up so she'd come to me. I'm finally able to admit that after listening to Eustace fill me in on a few truths. I'm also able to admit that I will always have feelings for her no matter what I do to convince myself that I won't."

Ethan sat quietly and waited, he already knew what Mason wanted and needed.

"I found my mate in Boston and like you I fucked up. I didn't rape her but I rejected her because I can't let go of Katrina. It was Eustace, the smug bastard that pointed out that I felt like I was betraying Katrina when she wasn't and isn't mine to betray. The end result is that my mate married someone else a few weeks ago."

"Are you blaming Katrina for that?" Ethan asked.

"No! This isn't her fault. Its mine for waiting so long to do what I needed to do, I should have left the night that you saw the babies for the first time, whether you know it or not it was then that she chose you. I need to see them so that I can let her go and begin my life."

Ethan looked at Mason and agreed. It was the least that he could do. This was partly his fault, he knew that Mason had some feelings for Katrina but they intensified when he spent so much time with her at his request.

"I have no problems with that and I know that she'll be happy to see you. Mason, you never let me thank you for what you did for us so I'm going to do it now whether you want me to or not. We've had our differences but you were and are my friend. I put you in a horrible position when I asked you to look after Katrina and I'm sorry for that but I also am grateful to you for giving us a chance to work things out. So thank you. The girls are still up if you want to come now."

Mason didn't know if he was ready to see them tonight but then this is why he came.

"Don't you want to call her first?" Mason asked.

He watched as Ethan pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number.

"Hi sweetheart, no it's alright. Are the girls in bed yet? Can you keep them up just a little bit longer? There's someone who would like to see you and them. Mason."

Mason heard her delighted squeal and his heart pounded and then slowed. It wasn't the squeal of a woman who just found out that her long absent lover was coming home; it was the sound of a woman who was excited to see a long absent friend. Minutes later, he was in Ethan's living room giving the girls hugs. 

"They've grown so much!" he exclaimed, "and they're beautiful just like their mother." he said glancing up at Katrina.

What he saw when he looked at her confirmed what he knew, she belonged to and with Ethan. He saw the unspoken love in her eyes when she looked at him and Mason realized that the only way that she would have looked at him that way was if he had found her first. He now had the proof that he needed, it was time to start moving on.

Mason stayed for an hour before leaving.




Mason Ch. 02



"Do you have to leave already? You just got here!" Katrina said.

"I'm afraid that this was just a quick visit, I just wanted to see you and the girls before I headed back to Boston." Mason replied, "But I'll be back again sometime." he added.

Katrina gave Mason a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you Mason, you've been such a good friend to me and Ethan; you're welcome here at any time."

Ethan watched as Mason struggled with his emotions when Katrina hugged him and then get himself under control. Ethan pulled Mason aside before he vanished.

"Anything you need from us to help you with your mate, we're there and Mason? I second what Katrina said, you're welcome here at any time with or without your mate."

Mason vanished from Ethan's to his home in Boston, he knew that he had done the right thing but it still hurt. He also knew that now he could begin to heal and be able to figure out what he was going to do about Toni Jacobson.



Mason Ch. 03



Toni worried for James; he just didn't feel right to her. He pooh-poohed her concern telling her that he was perfectly fine, but she wasn't buying it. She was taking his ass to the hospital whether he wanted to go or not. She looked in the medicine cabinet to see what he'd been taking for the flu but saw nothing that would cause what she considered to be confusion. In all of their time together James had never turned on the stove and walked away. Her gut was telling her that something was wrong. It also told her that if she waited she was going to lose him, and she didn't want that.

"Hey, sweetness! Supper's ready!" James called into the bathroom.

He sounded like himself but still...

They ate dinner, pasta with baked chicken on the side, with very little conversation. Toni kept stealing looks at James when he wasn't looking, he just wasn't right.

"James, we're going to the hospital and don't bother arguing with me. Something's not right. If it's nothing, we'll be home tonight. If there's something wrong, I want to know what it is."

"Toni..."

"Don't 'Toni' me," she admonished standing up. "Now get your coat, we're going."

"But..." James protested.

"Dr. James Jacobson, get off your ass and get your coat or else I'll call 911."

James stared at her. She was totally serious and, truth be told, he really should have been over this flu by now. "Alright, Dr. Jacobson, we'll go under one condition," he said.

"You're really in no position to bargain but I'll bite, what's the condition?"

"When we come home, we go straight to bed and start making a baby."

"James..."

"That's the only way I'll agree to go. Toni, I want a baby with you. A boy, a girl, twins, sextuplets, hell, I don't care but I want a baby."

"How about this, we'll talk about it," she countered.

"Promise?" James asked.

"I promise, now get your coat."

James gave her an excited kiss as he went to the hall closet. That was all he really wanted—to, at least, discuss it. 

Toni watched him go and smiled. He was such a kid, but he was her kid, and she loved him. She also wasn't fooled; while she waited, she called the hospital.

"Tom? This is Toni Jacobson, I'm bringing James in. I don't know something just doesn't feel right. He's had that bug that's been going around, but it's still hanging on and tonight he was a little confused. He says that it was the cold meds, but I didn't see anything that would cause confusion. I'm just worried about him. Great! We'll see you there."

The night was cold but clear as Toni drove to the hospital. James wanted to drive but she refused. "Just relax. Oh, hey, what's this surprise that you were going to tell me about?" she curiously asked, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Oh that, I'll tell you when we're at home and naked under the covers," he teased.

"Do you ever think about anything other than sex?" Toni teased.

"Ummm no, especially where you're concerned," James replied, rubbing her leg.

Toni glanced at his hand and relaxed a little, reflexively settling back into her seat. This was the James that she knew. Maybe she was worried over nothing.

Dr. Tom Jenson met them in the ER. "James! How in the hell are you?" he asked, shaking James' hand.

"I keep trying to tell my wife, 'the worrier,' that I'm fine, but she doesn't believe me," he replied.

Tom chuckled. "Your wife, 'the worrier,' is one hell of a doctor, and if she's worried we'd better find out why."

Toni was at the computer ordering every lab that she could think of, starting with the basic CBC all the way up to, and including, blood cultures and everything in between. She ordered an MRI and a chest X-ray, and then talked with Tom to be sure that she didn't miss anything.

When the phlebotomist came in with her kit James groaned, he hated needles. Knowing that about him, Toni sat next to him and held his hand and talked to him to distract him. "I was thinking about cooking dinner for new years. You know, a ham and...."

"Toni, you are so not going near the kitchen," James interrupted. "And besides, we're not going to be home."

Toni frowned. "Where are we going? And please don't say your parents." 

James laughed. "They can be a bit much, but no, sweetness, we're not going to my parents' house. It's a surprise."

"What is it with you and your surprises?" Toni asked, glad that the last tube of blood had been drawn.

"Oh, I don't know, I just like to keep you on your toes," he replied, kissing her hand and successfully stimulating a pleased shiver from Toni with the warm gesture, like always.

A few minutes later he was taken to X-ray, leaving Toni alone for a few minutes. She said a silent prayer that he would be alright.

Mason thought about calling Eustace after he got back from seeing Katrina and Ethan but opted not to. What would he say? he thought as he sat in a chair and closed his eyes.

Katrina was gone and so was Toni, at least for now. He had decided that he wasn't going to interfere with her marriage, unless it turned abusive. But, from what he could see, it was far from that. There was no use in crying about it now, it was spilled milk and all he could do was wait. In a way he supposed that he owed James a thanks for the way in which he cared for and loved Toni. James loved her in a way that he himself wasn't capable of doing, at least not yet. The saying "physician heal thyself" came to mind and with it thoughts of Eustace.

He swallowed his pride and called him.

"I went to see them," he divulged as soon as he heard the line pick up.

"And?" Eustace prompted.

"It was probably one of the most difficult things that I've ever done, but I saw what we had thought I'd see. She loves him."

Eustace was silent, waiting for Mason to continue.

"I talked to Ethan and came clean about what I needed from him and asked for permission to talk to Katrina, with him there of course, and he agreed. Eustace, she's as beautiful as ever, but I didn't even remotely feel that she cared for me as other than a friend, even when she hugged me."

"What do you need from me?" Eustace asked.

"Right now a friend, not a therapist but a friend to shoot the breeze with," Mason breathed out, rubbing his forehead before stroking down the side of his face . "Are you up for a few drinks?"

A few minutes later Eustace was sitting in Mason's living room. "How are you?" he asked.

"I don't know yet. In a way I feel freed somehow, in another I feel a little lost. For the past few years Katrina was my focus and now she can't be," Mason replied as he mixed martinis.

"What have you decided to do about Toni? And I'm asking as a friend and not your therapist," Eustace asserted as he accepted the drink.

"I'm not going to interfere with her life or her marriage. It was stupidity on my part that I didn't take her out that night and, to be honest with you, I'm relieved that she's happy and cared for. I have to get my head straight and cleared of Katrina before I can even begin to think of being with Toni, or anyone else for that matter."

"And you're alright with that?" Eustace asked.

"I have to be, but let's think about this statistically. What are the fucking chances that one man can screw up twice? I mean I should have left California long before I did, and I should have gone after Toni long before I did." 

"Interesting," Eustace mused, "but here's the thing. Let's think about Toni for a minute. Bear with me here as I know that we're not supposed to be in session but, nevertheless, put yourself in her shoes. If you were her, would you want someone who couldn't love you completely? I mean, isn't that what you would be offering her? If you were in her shoes, would you be able to accept that?"

Mason hesitated. It was true, presently anyway, but it was also a moot point. Toni was married and loved her husband.

"No, which is why I'm leaving her alone." He groaned inwardly and questioned, "what if there was a chance that I could love her completely? What if, given enough time, I could give myself to her fully?"

"Then we're talking a whole new ball game, but you know that she'll know. And you'll have to tell her, even if you're completely over Katrina. You know that don't you?" Eustace asked as he stood and headed to the bar to make fresh drinks.

"Yes, I know that; and as I said before, I won't lie to her," Mason stated flatly. "But let's not forget that the lady is married, so we're probably talking years, if ever. I have to face the possibility that I might be alone for the rest of my considerably long life."

James was back from X-ray and the MRI.

"Hey, sweetness, I guess it's a good thing that you made me come in," he said, taking her hand.

"I know, I saw the labs, you're much sicker than you look and Tom is admitting you." 

"Toni..."

"No arguments. Your white count is high, and your ammonia levels were elevated too. Not horribly so but enough to cause some confusion; and let's add pneumonia and bronchitis to the mix. The only thing we're waiting for right now is the MRI results."

"Which I have here in my hot little hands," Tom said as he walked into the room. "It's normal and I agree with Toni, your ammonia levels were up just a bit, we're going to recheck them in the morning. I'm going to admit you and don't try to talk me out of it; you need some IV antibiotics and I want to see what the preliminary blood cultures show. Sit tight and we'll get you up to your floor as soon as possible."

It seemed like forever before they were taken to his room.

"Sweetheart, go home, I'll be fine," James urged.

"I'm not leaving, so stop trying to get me to," Toni sighed. "They're bringing me one of those cot things so I don't have to sleep in a chair."

"You won't be comfortable and then you'll be grouchy," James said as he moved over so Toni could sit on the side of the bed.

"Yeah, well I'm still not leaving you here alone. I'll go home tomorrow morning and get some sleep," she replied as she played with his fingers.

"Hello! My name is..." the nurse faltered as she looked at Toni and then James, recognition dawning on her face. "Umm hi, J...Dr. Jacobson."

James gave the woman a blank stare as he tried to place her. Toni recognized her instantly. She was the blonde that James had decided to go home with the night she'd broken up with him for the last time before they'd worked things out.

"Hi," James greeted. "I'm sorry, but I'm not really good with names," he added apologetically.

"That's alright; it was a couple of years ago. My name is Kim. I was a nursing student when we met." James thought for a minute and couldn't recall meeting her.

Kim didn't give up. "We met at Max's and we were going to get together, but it didn't work out," she exhaled, glancing at Toni. "So, are you still dating?" she asked, fully aware of their relationship.

"Actually, no, we got married a couple of years ago," James replied, squeezing Toni's hand. "So are you my nurse tonight?" he asked.

"Looks like it, I'm here all night so call if you need anything," Kim smiled as she took her stethoscope from around her neck. "I just want to take a listen to your heart and lungs, if that's alright."

Toni watched Kim as she assessed James and decided that, while she seemed like a competent nurse, she didn't trust her. She was definitely staying the night, and the next night if James wasn't released. James was right in telling her that she would be really grouchy, but she didn't care. Besides, if the positions were reversed, he would never go home and leave her alone.

"You're heart rate is a little high," Kim commented. "What do you usually run?"

"Around sixty, what was it?" James asked.

"I clocked you around one-ten and irregular. It might be a result of the infection, but I'll let the doctor know."

The nursing assistant came in with the cot and linens to set Toni up for the night.

"Hi, I'm Sandy your nursing assistant for the night. I'll be around every four hours to do your vital signs. If you need help just call me," she said as she quickly made up the cot.

Finally they were alone.

"Toni, let's talk about a baby."

Toni closed her eyes. She had promised him that they would talk if he came and he had kept up his end of the bargain.

James held his arms open and waited for her to lay her head on his chest as they talked. 

"Um James, as much as I love you, and as much as I love hearing your heart beat, I'm not getting close to you without a mask so hold that thought."

Toni stepped outside of the room and came back a few minutes later with a gown and mask. James raised his eyebrows at her.

"We don't know if you're contagious or not and one of us needs to be healthy. And, seeing as you're flat on your back, that leaves me," she said as she put on the gown and mask.

James shrugged and grinned at her. "I always wondered what it would feel like to kiss someone wearing one of those things."

Toni rolled her eyes at him and lay down, putting her head on his chest.

James gave her a squeeze with one arm while stroking her arm with his free hand. "Now about those babies..." he started.

Toni listened to his heart beat and then frowned. It was usually slow and steady, but now it was irregular and fast. Kim had been right. She sat up and looked at him. His color was a tad off and she wondered if he wasn't experiencing heart failure. She stood up, went to the end of the bed and lifted the blankets to look at his feet; his ankles were normal.

"Toni, what are you doing?"

"Just checking, I think you should have a cardiology consult," she replied.

"Toni, I'm fine really!" James protested as Toni pushed the call light.

Kim came in a minute later. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"I want him on telemetry and page Dr. Jensen, I want him up here ASAP," Toni instructed. "And send Sandy in here to check James' vital signs now, and call for a stat EKG," she added, ignoring the glare that Kim was giving her.

James watched Toni giving orders. She was focused and professional, not once using the term 'my husband.'

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"I'm wondering if you're experiencing heart failure," she replied worriedly. "Your heart is beating too fast and it's irregular, you're not gaining weight and your ankles aren't swollen, though we both know that doesn't mean anything."

James sat up. "Toni, I know that you're worried, but—"

"Have you been feeling more fatigued than you should have been, even with the flu?" she asked, cutting him off.

"Yes but Toni, you said yourself that I'm sicker than I look. The labs support that as well as the chest X-ray. I have bronchitis and pneumonia," James replied.

"True but James, your heart rate is usually regular and now it's rapid and irregular, I just want to cover all of the bases."

A tap on the door interrupted James' response. 

The respiratory therapist came in with the EKG machine. "I didn't know he was in isolation," he said. "What kind?"

"Just to be safe, go with airborne and contact," Toni said.

Toni watched as the EKG was done. She didn't see anything other than the rapid and irregular heart rate. Maybe it was nothing but she didn't think so, her gut told her that if she hadn't made James come to the hospital he would have died.

James watched her while his EKG was administered. He really didn't feel as sick as they said he was, although he had a suspicion that something wasn't quite right. He had chalked it up to the flu and knew if that weren't a factor, he would have had himself checked out. 

Tom came in just as the EKG was finished and looked at it. "I think a cardiology consult is in order and I believe that Dr. Myers is still here in the hospital."

Toni went over to James and held his hand while Tom called Dr. Myers.

"He's still here and will be up in a few minutes. While we're waiting, James, is there any significant cardiac history in your family?" Tom asked.

Mason fixed their fifth drink for the evening.

"It's a bitch, isn't it? We can't even drown our sorrows in alcohol," Mason said as he handed Eustace a drink.

Eustace chuckled. "True but I wonder what a drunken Mason Donahue would be like."

Mason grimaced. "I'm afraid that it wouldn't be pretty, at least I don't think so," he replied, taking a swig of his beverage.

"Eustace, how long have you known about me and my feelings for Katrina?" 

"For awhile, I got an inkling that there was more to your wanting to help a friend when Ethan came to see me. When you called out of the blue and asked about a partnership, I knew that it was because of her. I'm glad to see that you're finally letting her go, even though I'm sure that it must hurt like hell," Eustace said as he drained his glass and got up to make another round.

It had hurt and it actually felt good to talk about it. He had held himself in check for so long and now he could talk about it without repercussions. It almost felt like the equivalent of having a blister popped and then the skin pulled back; it hurt like hell but then the healing began. Mason knew that each day he would hurt a little less. 

Did he regret loving Katrina? Mason asked himself. No, and he wouldn't have changed that part of it. The rest of it, however, he would have. If he had to do it over again, he would have left as soon as Ethan came back. If he had done that, he and Toni more than likely would have been together now.

The question was: what was he going to do while he waited for Toni? He couldn't, and wouldn't, approach her until she was single. 

"What are you thinking about?" Eustace asked when Mason had gone silent.

"I was thinking about what I'm going to do while I wait for Toni, and what I'm going to do if she doesn't come to me," he replied.

"And what conclusions have you reached?" Eustace asked.

"None," Mason replied. "I haven't a fucking clue about what to do but I do know this, I'm not planning to meet the sun if she never comes to me. I like life too much for that, and who knows, maybe the fates will be kind and grant me another chance with someone else. And if they do, I swear that I'm not going to fuck it up. If I've learned anything from this whole thing with Katrina, it's this: don't waste time on something that you know isn't going to happen."

"Well, if you need an ear I'm always available," Eustace assured.

Mason suddenly realized that Eustace had never talked much about himself and he wondered why. "How is it that I know very little about you?" he inquired.

Eustace hesitated. "There isn't much to tell and I find other people's lives so much more interesting than my own," he responded.

Mason recognized a dodge when he heard one. "I also find that to be true about my own life as well, but we've talked about me all night, tell me about you. For instance, don't you want to find your mate?"

Mason detected reluctance on Eustace's part and it made him curious. Eustace was usually as steady as they came, but now he was nervous.

"Ah, well, of course I do," Eustace finally replied, "but the fates haven't been kind to me in that respect." 

"Have you looked for her?" Mason asked.

"It's late, I need to be going. You know where I'm at if you need me," Eustace said as he stood.

Mason stood up and gave Eustace a puzzling look. "It seems that I'm not the only one with issues. What was it you said when I first arrived? Oh, yes, it was, 'sometimes even we need someone to talk to.' My ear is yours if and when you decide that you need it."

Eustace nodded and vanished from where he stood. Mason remained where he was for a few seconds, wondering what it was that Eustace was hiding.

It turned out to be almost an hour before Dr. Myers made it to James' room.

"I'm sorry but I got caught in the ER and didn't break free until now. I was surprised to hear that you had been admitted, you're probably one of the most athletic people that I know," he said.




Mason Ch. 03



"I'm here because my wife insisted and it's turning out to be a good thing that she did," James said. He was never too proud to admit when Toni was right, and she was right on the money this time.

"Your wife is a good doctor and so are you but, at any rate, let's see if we can figure out what's going on. Tom said that you weren't aware of any significant cardiac history, but I'm still going to order some tests, starting with the usual cardiac labs and we'll go from there. No chest pain, right? Shortness of breath?"

"No, just tired I guess, but I thought it was the flu," James replied. "I guess there's more to it than that," he added.

"I'm going to call the lab and see if they can do the first set of cardiac labs from the blood they have; if not, they'll be back."

Toni waited until Dr. Myers left before saying anything. "I know that you think that I'm overreacting, but isn't it better to know?" she asked.

James sighed. "You're right, it's just that I had planned to spend the evening in bed, making love and picking out names for our kids."

Toni moved closer to him. "And we'll do that but after we find out what's wrong, if anything is."

After she made that statement, Toni realized that she, in so many words, had just agreed to have a baby. She could only hope that James missed it. No such luck.

"Sweetness! Do you mean it? We can start talking about baby names?" he asked, sitting up in the bed.

"I...I guess so," she replied.

She had never given any serious thought about having children. When she was a little girl she didn't play house or often play with dolls, except for when she used them as patients at her imaginary hospital. She hadn't even developed an interest in the opposite sex until she was in high school. Even then, school had always come first, and if the guy couldn't handle that then she'd dumped him. Now she was going to talk about having a baby.

She sighed and studied James, noticing that when he was relaxed his color was better, which made her wonder about anxiety. "Sweetheart..."

"Uh-oh," James said.

"What?" Toni asked.

"You only call me that when you're up to something, so what is it? And please don't tell me that we aren't going to talk about baby names," he added.

The thought had crossed her mind, but she knew that it would upset him if they didn't.

"No, that's not it. What I noticed was your color is better when you're relaxed. Have you been feeling anxious lately?" Toni asked. "I mean, aside from tonight."

"No, not really, although I really hated being at home alone during the day while you were here. Why?" 

"I just noticed that your color is better when you're relaxed," she repeated as she laid her head on his chest. His heart rate was as regular as it normally was. What was going on with him? she wondered, and decided not to ask him any questions about his psychological well-being.

"So, I was thinking that we could have three or four kids," James said as he rubbed her back.

"Four? Why don't we start with one and see how that goes?" Toni replied. For some reason motherhood frightened her and she didn't know why.

"Are you agreeing that we can try for a baby?" James asked.

Toni swallowed hard. "I'm saying...yes. I'm saying yes," she affirmed softly.

James hugged her and pulled her up for a kiss, not caring about the mask.

"Our baby is going to be beautiful!" he exclaimed as he hugged her again. "You're going to throw the pills away as soon as we get home aren't you?"

"I promise. Now get some sleep, midnight is going to come fast."

Toni stayed awake all night, she couldn't sleep partly because she was worried and partly because of the whole baby issue. What if she wasn't a good mother? She had no doubt that James would be as good a father as he was a husband. Both sets of their parents would be thrilled to no end to have a grandchild to spoil, and they would all help her as she learned to be a mother, but what if she couldn't?

"Sweetness, come here." James was awake and had been watching her.

"What are you doing awake?" she asked, secretly glad that he was.

James scooted over on the bed and made room for her by turning onto his side. Toni lay next to him, her back to his chest. 

He kissed her shoulder and pulled her tight against him, loving their closeness. "You are going to be a fabulous mom. You'll have to leave the baking of cupcakes and cookies to me, but that's alright."

"How do you know that I'm going to be any good at being a mother?" she sighed contentedly, snuggling further into his embrace.

"The same way I knew that you loved me more than you realized. I just knew," he murmured, nibbling her earlobe. "And I just know that little Hilda is going to be a lucky little girl."

"Hilda? Are you nuts? Who names a child Hilda?" Toni retorted laughing. She felt better, but she sure as hell wasn't naming any daughter of theirs Hilda.

Mason finally went to bed after having a final drink. He lay awake for a long time making decisions, the first being that he wouldn't go back to California until he knew that Toni was within reach. Until then, he would stay put and see what the fates had in store for him. Secondly, he was curious about Eustace and whatever it was he was hiding. He closed his eyes and had the first peaceful rest that he'd had in a very long time.



Mason Ch. 04



James was discharged from the hospital a week later. The cardiac enzymes had come back negative but the heart catheterization showed that he had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy—a thickening of the heart muscles.

"What that means is that you can't exercise as vigorously as before, this thing can kill you if you do. If you do as you're supposed to, and take the meds, you can and will live a long life," Dr. Myers told them. "One other thing, I don't know if you're aware of it but this is hereditary. Someone in your family had or has this condition; it would be wise to have any close family members screened. I also know that you're at the age when you're probably thinking about children, so this may be a concern for you. I can't say whether your children will have this condition; it's entirely possible that they won't. I know a good pediatric cardiologist that you can talk to; his specialty is genetically based heart conditions."

James held onto Toni's hand; in her stubbornness about him coming to the hospital, she really had saved his life. The pressing question that he had right now was about their sex life, they would have to talk about the baby thing again. 

"What about making love?" James asked, not in the least bit embarrassed.

"As long as you're not into marathon sessions, you'll be fine. And, if you are, you might die a happy man," the doctor replied.

"Seriously," James agreed. "So making love is okay?"

"Like I said, you'll be fine but if you are into marathon love making sessions, rest an hour or two in between," the Dr. said, giving James a curious look.

Toni already knew what James was thinking. He wanted to work on starting a family as soon as they got home, but first they had to talk about the chances that the baby could be born with the same defect that he had. She was glad that she hadn't stopped taking the birth control pills.

"Can we make love today or is there a waiting period?" he asked.

Dr. Myers laughed. "Today, if you feel up to it but don't overdo it," he admonished. "And I want to see you in my office in two weeks."

Two hours later they were home and, just as Toni suspected, James wasted no time in getting her into bed. She really had missed him in bed with her. She had started coming home after his third night. Well, after he had had enough of her being grouchy.

"Sweetness, go home already!" he'd stated firmly. "You're a mess and you're driving everyone, including me, nuts. If you're worried about Nurse Kim jumping my bones, forget it, these bones belong to one woman only and that's the super grouchy woman sitting on my bed, now go home!" he sighed into her mouth and kissed her.

She had left only because he felt and looked much better, and she hadn't had the feeling that he would die on her. 

The first night Toni had slept the sleep of the fully exhausted but was up early to be at the hospital so that she could have breakfast with James. 

When she showed up he beamed at her. "There she is!" he said to none other than Kim.

Toni went over to the bed and kissed him, not caring that Kim was watching.

"Feel better?" he asked as he cupped her face with a warm hand.

"Better," she agreed.

That had been four days ago and now he was home and in bed with her already wanting round two.

"Slow down there," she teased, "I just got you home and I'm not ready to take you back to the hospital."

James lay back and pulled her close. 

"Did you stop taking the pill?" he asked.

"I...."

"You didn't, did you?" James asked angrily.

"James, I just wanted us to be sure about this and now that we know what you have is hereditary—"

"But we didn't know that until today," he interrupted. "Toni, tell me the truth, do you want a baby or not? Forget about the heart thing for now, do you want a child with me?" he asked.

Toni sat up and looked down at him. "Yes but James, what do I know about being a mother? And you have to admit that, given what we now know, it was just as well that I didn't. And besides, you know as well as I do that it takes time for the pill to work its way out of the system."

James took a deep breath and blew it out. He pulled Toni back into his arms.

"I'm sorry, sweetness, I know but you know how I get once I get a bee in my bonnet. But you know, I don't know anything about being a father either; well, other than the way that I was raised, but we'll learn how to be good parents together," James said confidently.

"But what about the heart condition? We can't just ignore that," Toni insisted.

"No, we can't but we could go see that pediatric cardiologist before we decide. So, I guess, we stay on the pill until we do," James replied.

Toni kissed his chest, closed her eyes and whispered a prayer of thanks that James was home. And then another, hoping that the chances of their children being born with the heart condition was small.

...

It had been a week since Mason went to see Ethan and Katrina. As he knew would happen, the open sore now had a very thin skin and, while still painful, the pain was less and was becoming more manageable. He threw himself into his work, even seeing some of Ethan's male relatives when Eustace couldn't fit them all in. They were truly a fucked up bunch but they were slowly, but surely getting better. Now that Mitchell Sinclaire was dead, they were coming out of the woodwork in droves. He and Eustace had already talked about adding a third therapist as more and more males came forward, seeking help for a variety of issues. It was to the point where they would have to start working weekends to keep up.

He had just mixed himself a drink when his cell phone rang; he checked the ID and answered. "Gretchen! Where are you? Here in Boston? Come on over!"

Mason gave Gretchen his address and waited for her to come. He hadn't thought about her in quite some time. He wondered what she had been up to and what she was doing in Boston, if he recalled correctly, she hated the cold weather.

He went to the kitchen to see what he had to cook for dinner and decided to take her out instead. He logged onto his laptop to see what nice restaurants were nearby and found that he was actually excited to see her. For the first time since he could remember, he wasn't thinking about Katrina.

Gretchen was at his door by seven. Mason thought she was as lovely as ever, a little too thin for his tastes, but lovely none the less. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek when he let her in. "Welcome!" he said when he released her from his hug.

"Thank you," she replied. "How do you stand this weather?" she asked shivering.

"One gets used to it; what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Another one of those boring OB conferences and I heard that you were here and decided to play hooky and look you up."

"Who told you that I was here?" he asked.

"I'm still close to Katrina and she told me the last time that I talked to her," she replied.

Mason nodded. "Have you eaten yet? I found this Italian place online and it looks good."

"Does that mean that I have to go out in the cold again?" she asked.

Mason laughed. "I could order pizza if you like and I have some wine to go with it."

"I'd like that, just no anchovies on the pizza, if you please."

While Mason ordered the pizza, Gretchen walked around the kitchen. She loved to cook but rarely did because of time, and she hated cooking for just herself. And, judging from the spotless kitchen, Mason didn't cook much either.

She watched Mason as he moved about the kitchen, he really was attractive she thought to herself. What she really wanted to know was how he was doing since Katrina and Ethan were officially a couple. She wanted to ask but wasn't sure that she should. He looked good, literally and figuratively, but what about emotionally.

"I know that you're dying to ask, so ask," Mason said as he poured the wine.

Gretchen paused and then plunged ahead. "How are you?" she asked.

"Better, I'm sure that Katrina told you that I came to see them last week," he replied.

"Actually, she didn't. I haven't spoken to her or Ethan in almost two weeks. Was it hard for you?"

"Let's just say that it wasn't the easiest thing that I've ever done, but it was necessary in order for me to move on."

"What about you?" Mason asked. "Why are you still single?" he asked, handing her a glass of wine.

"I don't know, I guess I'm just too busy to look for him," Gretchen replied. "Do you really like it here?" she asked.

"It's actually grown on me," Mason responded. "But I do miss the warmth and the palm trees of California," he added as he poured more wine in Gretchen's glass. "So, how long are you in town for?"

"A week, although it escapes me why it would take a week to discuss how to deliver babies, I've only been doing it for the past four hundred plus years and, for the most part, they still come out the same way."

Mason laughed. "The mental health conferences aren't much better, although they do keep coming up with new mental illnesses. Where are you staying?"

"At the embassy suites, where the conference is being held," Gretchen replied.

"You could stay here, there's plenty of room," Mason offered, thinking that it would be nice to have someone else around for awhile.

"No, but thanks. At least there I won't have to go out into the cold," she replied.

The doorbell rang, interrupting any further conversation. Mason went to the door and paid the delivery person, giving her a hefty tip. Gretchen had managed to find the cabinets with the dishes in it while he was gone. They ate in an easy silence and cleaned up the leftovers and dishes together. 

Mason looked at Gretchen and had the same thought that he did a few years ago, Gretchen was a lovely woman and a man could do much worse than her. He wondered where her mate was and if she had ever actively looked for him.

"So, Mason, tell me the truth, how are you really?" Gretchen asked.

"Slowly getting better," he replied.

He told her about the visit with Ethan, Katrina and the girls. "It was what I needed to do. Unfortunately, I didn't do it soon enough, my mate married someone else while I wasted time lamenting over a woman that I could and would never have."

Gretchen was silent for a moment. "What do you plan to do?" she asked.

"What can I do but wait for her?" Mason replied. "I won't do anything to interfere with her life as it is. She loves her husband and he her. Anyway," he cleared his throat, "changing the subject back to you, tell me again why you aren't mated."

Gretchen laughed. "Always the therapist, aren't you? But to answer your question, I don't believe that I have a mate. Not all of us do you know."

"I don't believe that," Mason replied.

Gretchen shrugged. "Whatever. But if I have one, he's hiding himself from me," she replied and then hesitated.

"What is it?" Mason asked.

"Nothing, I should go. The first session starts at eight," Gretchen said standing up. "Thank you for dinner."

Suddenly Mason didn't want to be alone, he wondered if Gretchen didn't feel the same way. "Gretchen, stay," he said softly.

"Mason..."

"I don't want to be alone tonight and, if my hunch is correct, neither do you. You said that you were going to play hooky."

"I shouldn't..." she started to say.

"But you will," Mason finished, interrupting her. "You really don't want to go back to the hotel and to that boring conference any more than I want you to go."

Gretchen sat back down, signaling that she was going to stay. The subject of where she was going to sleep didn't need to be discussed, they both knew that she was going to end up in his bed, even if she started out in another bed somewhere else in the house.

...

A month later, James was back to work. He was his usual cheerful self and Toni was relieved that he was back to full strength, even though he still had to watch himself. They decided between them that they wouldn't pick up any extra shifts and that they would try to work as many of the same shifts together as possible. Their days off, they spent making love and talking about names for their children even though Toni wasn't pregnant yet—she was still on birth control and they still hadn't met with the pediatric cardiologist. The fact that they were taking their time in deciding whether to have a baby went a long way in settling Toni's anxiety about motherhood; she was actually beginning to look forward to it.

About a week after James returned to work, he ran into Kim.

"Hi, Jamie!" she quipped when she saw that Toni wasn't anywhere around.

"Oh, hi," James said, uncomfortable with the familiar tone that Kim was using. "And I think that you should call me Dr. Jacobson, I don't want people getting the wrong idea," he said.

"I thought we were friends, we were going to go to my place after drinks that night," she reminded him.

James looked around to see if anyone was nearby.

"Yes, well that was a couple of years ago and I thought that I had lost Toni. It was a mistake for me to get drunk like that. If I hurt your feelings back then, I'm sorry but I loved Toni then and I love her now," James assured, hoping that she would catch the hint.

Kim looked at him and then shrugged. She knew a lost cause when she spotted one, and Dr. James Jacobson was a lost cause, there were plenty of other rich doctors around who, while not nearly as rich as this one, would be easier to manipulate.

Toni was coming around the corner when she spotted Kim talking to James and she bristled. Without hesitating she walked up to them. "Hi, James," she said, touching his hand. "Oh hi, Kim, are you headed home?" she asked sweetly.

"Yeah, it's been a long night," Kim replied. "Have a good day," she added as she walked away.

"What was that all about?" Toni asked as she watched Kim walk away.

"Not sure, but I think that she wanted to jump my bones," James replied distractedly.

Toni laughed. "James, I knew that from the first time she laid eyes on you, and it hasn't changed."

"Toni, we have five days off starting tonight, let's go somewhere," James said.

"Okay, where do you want to go?" she asked.

"Someplace quiet and romantic with no phones or television, just us."

"James, are you alright?" Toni asked searching his face.

"I'm fine, sweetness; I just want to be alone with you somewhere nice and warm. How does the Bahamas sound? We could leave tonight after work, what do you think?" he asked.

"I think that sounds absolutely wonderful!" she exclaimed. She was tired of the cold weather and really wanted to talk to James about moving to a warmer climate like Florida or California even. The trip to the Bahamas would be the perfect springboard for the conversation. She talked to her parents every other day or so and they loved the warm weather and retirement. The more they talked about the weather the more Toni wanted to move. She knew that James' parents would object but he wouldn't let that sway him anymore than when his mother had tried to talk him out of marrying her. Toni smiled to herself; this move, if she could get James to agree to it, would be good for the both of them.

...

Gretchen came down the stairs and found Mason in the kitchen. "Evening," she said as she greeted him with a kiss.

"Good evening to you too," he replied, returning the kiss. "The coffee is fresh and pancakes will be ready soon," he added.

Neither of them, especially Mason, had any illusions as to what was happening, they were both lonely and were taking comfort from each other by mutual consent. Gretchen came to Boston once a month and stayed for a week or so before going back to LA. As the weather began to warm, she began to see the charms of Boston but had no desire to move there on a permanent basis. If she and Mason were to become a couple, it would be something that she would think about but that wasn't going to happen as far as she could tell. Mason was waiting for his mate. She would take their relationship as it was, for as long as it lasted, and then move on, maybe even look for her mate if she had one.

Mason watched Gretchen from the corner of his eye. He had the feeling that Gretchen was starting to feel more for him than what was good and felt the need to clarify their relationship. He carried the plate of pancakes with bacon over to the table and sat down. 

After they ate, he began to talk. "Gretchen, you are an amazing and beautiful woman and I am enjoying our time together, but I feel led to remind you that this can't be anymore than what it is. I belong to another, even though she is married to someone else—"

"Mason, I know all of this; we've talked about it and I'm fine with things as they are," Gretchen said interrupting him. "I am fully aware that this is a temporary situation until I find my mate, Toni comes to you, or we decide to end it. Don't worry, I'm not falling in love with you," she said as she drained her coffee cup.

Mason let the subject drop, not entirely satisfied that she understood that their relationship was purely physical. Gretchen volunteered to clean up since he cooked and he had to go to the office. 

"Thanks, what are your plans for the evening?" he asked as he stood to head to the shower.

"I don't know, I have a book that I've been wanting to start; maybe I'll do that," she replied as she started to clear the table.

"Well, enjoy your evening, mine is packed full," Mason replied as he gave her a peck on the cheek.

Gretchen watched him walk away with mixed feelings. She felt more for him than she had let on. The feelings started when he started bringing Katrina to her prenatal visits. She never initiated anything because she wasn't what he was looking for in a mate. She was tall, thin, red haired and definitely not the right skin color. Gretchen sighed and cleaned up the kitchen, she wished that whoever her mate was would show himself.

...

Eustace was already at the office when Mason arrived.

"There you are!" Eustace exclaimed.

Mason frowned. "Am I late for something?" he asked.

"Your evening appointment is here," Eustace said as he sat down in the chair across from his desk.

"Eustace, what in the fuck are you going on about?" Mason asked irritated. He hated games, especially so early in the evening.

"Mason, I'm your evening appointment," Eustace said.

"You? You booked me for the whole night?" Mason asked shocked.

"I did and I would like to suggest that we take this upstairs where we'll be more comfortable," Eustace replied.

Mason looked at Eustace and wondered who was seeing their clients this evening. "Eustace, what about our clients? Who's seeing them?"

"It's all taken care of, I've made other arrangements for them; shall we go?"

Once they were upstairs, and each had a drink in his hand, Eustace began to talk.

"You wanted to know if I wanted a mate, the answer is, yes. And you wanted to know if I looked for her again. The answer is, yes; well, kind of. I kind of looked for a long time before I finally said the hell with it and settled down here in Boston. In many ways I've grown accustomed to being here alone so I was glad when you called; it's been good having you here."

Mason waited for Eustace to continue. As he did, he looked at the vampire's appearance. He was as tall as he was and just as muscular. His eyes were a dark brown that could be black, his skin was the color of dark hot chocolate, and he was an extremely handsome man.

"Mason, you've been around the block a time or two, so I thought that you were the best person to help me with my...problem," Eustace said.

Mason sat up straighter, wondering what was going on. Eustace was fidgeting like a nervous schoolboy. Was he gay? he wondered.

"Eustace, whatever it is, you can tell me. God knows how much you've helped me these past months, please allow me to return the favor," Mason said and then waited.




Mason Ch. 04



Eustace hesitated, he had never told another living soul what he was about to tell Mason. "Before I say anything more, give me your word that you won't laugh, at least not to my face," Eustace said, his tone serious. "If you can't do that, then this session is over."

"What the fuck? Eustace you have my word that I won't laugh. In all of my years I've never laughed at a client and I'm not going to now; and, not only that, you're not a client but my friend," Mason assured him, still surprised at Eustace's nervousness.

"I... I get very nervous around women. It doesn't matter who or what they are, I can't talk to them."

Mason tried to keep his face impassive but couldn't hide his shock. Eustace Matthews, who would and has told a room full of vampires to go fuck themselves and each other, was afraid to talk to women? Mason was in a word: shocked.

Mason had two questions and decided that the best way to ask them was straight out. "Eustace, are you drawn to males?"

"What? What the fuck? NO," Eustace exclaimed, angered by the question.

"Whoa! Calm down, I was just asking and, by the way, if the answer had been yes, it wouldn't have mattered," Mason said, holding his hands up in surrender.

Eustace blew out a breath and calmed. It was a question that he had asked himself many times but to hear someone else ask him the same question just didn't sit well.

"I apologize for my reaction. It's a question that I've asked myself many times but... At any rate, I'm not drawn to men as you put it. My cock gets as hard as yours does when I see an attractive woman and before you ask, I've also considered the question of whether I was bisexual and the answer is, no. I have never felt the desire to be with another man in that way."

Mason nodded; the hard questions were out of the way.

By the time morning arrived, Mason had a better understanding of what Eustace was going through. He was surprised to find that Eustace wasn't born vampire but was turned when he was in his mid thirties, over four hundred years ago. In his human life, he had been just as shy around women as he was now and, while he was no virgin, the encounters were at best difficult for him. He chose the fields of psychology and psychiatry in order to understand himself and it turned out that he was one of the best psychiatrists around and worth every penny that he charged.

"Eustace, I have an idea but I need to talk to the other person first. If she agrees, will you trust me?" Mason asked.

"She? She who?" Eustace asked nervously.

"A friend of mine who is visiting me this week. Will you trust me?" Mason asked again.

Reluctantly, Eustace agreed.

...

Gretchen was still awake when Mason came in. While Mason was gone, she had done some thinking. He was right to remind her of the terms of their relationship. She was going to leave in the evening and wouldn't be back for awhile. Gretchen sat up in the bed when she heard Mason come up the stairs.

"Good, you're still up," he said as he walked into the bathroom. "I have a favor to ask," he inserted.

Gretchen was intrigued, Mason wasn't one to ask favors although he granted them without expecting one in return.

"What's that?" Gretchen asked intrigued by what he would possibly need from her.

Mason came out of the bathroom and sat on the bed, Gretchen listened as he explained the favor.

"So you basically want me to help him become more comfortable around women," she stated.

"That's it. I want to have him over for dinner tonight, if you'll still be here," Mason said.

"I was planning on leaving but I can stay for another day. so who is this friend of yours?" Gretchen asked.

"Eustace Matthews."

"Eustace Matthews, the psychiatrist? Are you joking?" Gretchen asked shocked.

"No, I'm not, and this is a big deal for him so don't make light of it," Mason commented as he stood and walked to the side of the bed and got in.

"I would never do that," Gretchen said as she laid back.

"Thanks, Gretchen. Have a good rest," Mason said as he closed his eyes.

...

James and Toni sat out on the deck of their hotel room in the Bahamas. Toni's eyes were closed as she listened to the sounds of the Atlantic Ocean and the festive music. This had been a good idea. It was the honeymoon that they never really had; as it turned out, that had been the intent.

Toni opened her eyes and looked over at him. He was back to his normal weight and was as handsome as ever. 

A small smile played on his lips; he knew that she was watching him. "What are you thinking about?" he asked as he reached for her hand.

"You and how glad I am that you're alright," Toni replied, squeezing his hand. Their appointment with the pediatric cardiologist was scheduled for the next week and both of them were trying not to think about it. This was a good a time as any to bring up the subject of a move.

"James, I've been thinking. I'm tired of the Massachusetts' winters and I would like to move someplace warm and sunny like this."

James didn't respond right away, he had known that this was coming and was actually surprised that it took her this long to say anything; Toni had always hated the winter.

"James?" Toni called.

"I heard you," he replied. "What took you so long to say anything?" he asked.

"Well, you really like Boston and your parents—"

"Have nothing to do with where we live," he interrupted. "The night that you shanghaied me to the hospital, I was going to give you a surprise, remember?"

Toni remembered. "You were being so secretive about it, so what is it?" she asked.

"You'll see," he replied, "It's where we'll be spending New Years."

"James..."

"That's all I'm saying," James said with a grin.

The surprise was a house in San Diego. He had already talked with several hospitals and all of them would take them as a package deal, they only had to say the word. He had the application packets hidden away to give to her later but, for now, it was fun watching her face as she tried to figure out what the big secret was.

James had something that he wanted to talk about too, after they found out what was wrong with him. He had both of his parents checked out as well as his grandfather. His father tested positive and, according to the doctor, was a very lucky man; his grandfather was positive as well. That didn't bode well for any children that he and Toni would have together. As much as he wanted children with her, he just couldn't take the risk that they would be born with what he had.

"Sweetness, we need to talk about something," James said.

Toni felt and heard the change of mood and opened her eyes, her initial thought being that he was sick again.

"James, are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine, I feel great, so stop worrying but what we have to talk about involves what's wrong with me. I know that I was initially angry that you hadn't stopped taking the birth control, but now I'm glad that you didn't. Toni, I want a baby with you so badly that I can even imagine what she'll look like, but we can't do this. I can't take the chance that she or he will have what I have and not survive it. I'm saying that we shouldn't have a baby."

Toni was floored, she knew that he had something on his mind but she never thought it was this. "James, why don't we talk to the peds guy first before we decide?" she asked.

"We could do that but Toni, my father and grandfather have this, so what are the odds that it will skip our children?" he asked.

Toni knew that he was right but, now that she had gotten used to the idea of having a baby, she didn't want to give up.

"I still want to talk to the cardiologist; maybe it's some weird fluke that the three of you have it," Toni replied.

James gave her a weak smile and squeezed her hand. Who knew, maybe she was right, although he really didn't think so.

"Toni, how would you feel about adoption if we don't have children of our own?" James asked. It was something else that he had been giving a lot of thought to. "There are so many kids that need a good home with people to love them," he added.

"Adoption?" Toni asked. "I've never thought about it. I'm not saying no, but I want to wait until we see the doctor before we talk about that," she replied.

"That's reasonable," James said as he stroked her hand. "Toni, I love you," he added softly.

Toni swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "I love you, too."

...

Mason checked on the roast in the oven; satisfied that it was doing fine, he set the table for dinner. Gretchen had offered to help, but he kicked her out of the kitchen to do whatever it was she did to relax.

"Don't you want to finish your book?" he asked.

"Yes, but..."

"Then shoo! Let me work," he teased.

The truth was that he did some of his best thinking when he was cooking. The more complicated the dish, the better he thought. As he pulled out the ingredients for twice baked potatoes and spinach soufflé, Mason thought about Eustace. The man had helped so many but only now sought help for himself, it had to be a lonely life being afraid to look for your mate. He owed Eustace a huge debt; it was only because of him that he could start healing. 

Every day the pain of Katrina was diminishing, the thin scab that covered the hurt was now considerably thicker. He could think about her and not feel the sharp pain in his heart as he did before. He could even think of her as Ethan's without the old familiar wish that she was his coming up. This was because Eustace wasn't afraid to point out the facts to him, even though he knew that he was risking his wrath.

As he wrapped the potatoes in foil and put them in the oven, he had another thought. What if Eustace and Gretchen were mates? He pushed the idea aside with a chuckle. That would be too easy he decided and, in his experience, the fates never did anything the easy way.

Gretchen felt a nervousness that she had never experienced before. While she was pleased that Mason had asked her for help, it made her nervous. The whole evening was making her nervous, Mason was the only man that she had been with in a long time and she knew that it was what humans called a 'friends with benefits' type of thing but still, she had harbored a tiny hope that it could turn into something more. It wasn't unheard of for two unmated vampires to commit to each other until their mates showed up, but Mason had made it clear that he didn't want that. The fact that he asked her to meet his friend confirmed that for him their relationship was two consenting adults spending time together and nothing more.

She took a shower and dressed carefully. She knew of Eustace Matthews and had heard that he was quite the looker, if not a little standoffish. Now she knew why. Gretchen could smell dinner cooking and her stomach rumbled; she hoped that Eustace didn't mind a woman with a big appetite because, as thin as she was, she could eat more than most men.

Promptly at seven, Eustace was in Mason's living room pacing.

"Eustace slow down, you're wearing a hole in my carpet!" Mason exclaimed. "It will be fine," he added.

A few minutes later, Gretchen came down the stairs. Mason turned to greet her with a warm smile while Eustace just stared at her speechless.

"Gretchen! You look lovely!" Mason said, "Come meet my friend and colleague, Dr. Eustace Matthews. And Eustace, this is my friend, Dr. Gretchen Davis."

Gretchen stepped forward and offered her hand. "It is a pleasure to meet you, I've heard about you and it's nice to put a face with a name."

Eustace took Gretchen's small hand in his. "The pleasure is mine," he replied shyly.

Mason watched with interest as Gretchen did one of the things that she did best, she began to put Eustace at ease. She approached him as if she were a mother about to have her first child. This, he decided, had been a wise move on his part.

The first fifteen minutes were tense as Gretchen made no moves to interact with Eustace on a personal level, but interacted with him on a professional one. It wasn't long before they were talking in generalities and the Eustace that Mason knew began to resurface.

By the end of the evening, they were all laughing together and trading stories about their work experiences. By morning, Gretchen and Eustace were still talking and Mason excused himself to clean up the kitchen. When Gretchen offered to help, he waved her away.

He was sitting in the breakfast nook when Gretchen found him. 

She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down. "I like him," she said and waited.

"Good, I'm glad. He's a good man," Mason replied.

"We're going out for dinner tonight, if that's alright with you," Gretchen said.

"Gretchen, its fine, have a good time."

When Mason finally went to bed, he noticed that Gretchen's things were no longer in his room; their physical relationship had come to an end.

...

Four days after they returned home from the Bahamas, Toni and James sat in Dr. Mark Peterson's office, nervously holding hands.

"Why didn't you say that you were doctors? I would have set up a special time for you."

Toni and James looked at each other but it was James who spoke.

"We try very hard not to play that card, we aren't any more important than anyone else."

Dr. Peterson nodded in understanding. "So what brings you here?" he asked.

He listened as Toni and James told him their situation.

"We need to know what the probability is that our children will have hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. The bottom line is we're trying to decide whether we should have children or not," James said, speaking for both he and Toni.

Dr. Peterson leaned back in his chair.

"As you know there are no guarantees in anything. On the face of it, your family history indicates a very high probability that your children will be born with this. On the other hand, you have been very healthy until a few months ago and then it was only caught because of another issue. Your grandfather, how old is he?"

"Eighty-four and my father is sixty-three," James replied.

"And how old are you?" Dr. Peterson asked.

"Thirty-three," James replied.

"Both your grandfather and father have lived with this for quite some time as have you, even though you weren't aware of it. All of you have led active lives, but... you were all fortunate. Any of you, especially you because you are an athlete, could have died from this. And you still could if you're not careful, but you know all of this. What I'm saying is that while you have been fortunate, your children may not be. They could be born with a case much worse than yours."

James squeezed Toni's hand and fought back tears. Toni squeezed back and stood up, there was nothing left to say. They couldn't possibly gamble with the life of their child like that.

"I'm so sorry; I wish that I could tell you differently," Dr. Peterson said as he stood up and offered his hand. "If you should decide to have a child, I'd be more than happy to participate in his or her care if the need arises," he added.

The drive home was quiet, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Now that they couldn't or shouldn't have a baby, Toni wanted one in the worst possible way. She now understood what patients meant when they told her that they never wanted certain things until they were told that they couldn't have them.

As soon as they were home, they turned off the phones and went to bed. They didn't make love or talk; they just held each other and cried for the children that they would never have together.

Two years later

"James! Come on, we have to get to the hospital! She's in labor!" Toni called out.

"I'm coming! I just wanted to make sure that we have everything," James said as he came into the living room carrying his camera and the baby toy that he wanted to give the baby.

They'd moved to the house in San Diego soon after they had decided not to have children. It had turned out to be a good move; they both loved the weather and the city. They loved the hospital that they worked at, especially since they worked the same days, although they sometimes had to take call on different days. And now, they were going to see their baby being born.

Toni had met Wanda when she was fifteen, homeless and pregnant. Toni was going into a Denny's when she saw the girl huddled against the wall; she was going to bypass her when she looked at her again and decided to stop.

"Are you alright?" she asked the girl.

"Yes, ma'am," the girl replied, not looking at her.

"Are you hurt? I'm a doctor, I can help if you are," Toni said.

"Just hungry," the girl replied miserably.

Toni's heart broke at the pain and misery in the girl's eyes.

"Come with me, I'll buy you breakfast."

"I can't go in there, I'm not allowed," the girl said.

"Why not?" Toni asked.

The girl hesitated before speaking. "I go in there and take the leftover food off the plates that people leave."

Sweet Jesus, Toni thought as she looked at the hungry girl. "Come on, we're having breakfast!"

"But..."

"My name is Toni, what's yours?" she asked as she helped the girl to her feet.

"Wa...Wanda," the girl stammered.

"Nice to meet you Wanda, now let's go eat."

Toni took another look at the girl, she was pregnant. She didn't say anything as she took the girl by her hand and led her inside the restaurant. 

The manager stopped Wanda at the door, completely overlooking Toni. "Get out before I call the police," he said gruffly.

"Excuse me," Toni said, "but Wanda is my breakfast guest, so if you'll be kind enough to show us to a table, I would appreciate it."

The manager's mouth clamped shut as he led them to a corner booth. When they were sitting, Toni remembered that she needed to call James; he was supposed to meet her for breakfast.

"Hi, I'm here and we have a guest for breakfast, see you soon. Love you, too."

"Who'd you call?" Wanda asked, suddenly wary.

"My husband James, he's a doctor too. I was meeting him for breakfast when I saw you. Wanda, what are you doing living on the streets? Where's your family?"

Wanda didn't answer but looked away.

"Well, I'm going to order, get whatever you like; one of everything if you want," Toni said, changing the subject.

James came in a few minutes later and slid in next to Toni. "Morning, sweetness," he breathed as he kissed her cheek. "And who is your friend?" he asked.

"James meet Wanda; Wanda, this is my husband James."

That was five months ago. They found a group home for pregnant girls that had room for one more girl and took Wanda there. They never asked her about the baby's father or where her family was, figuring that she would tell them when she was ready. Once a week they took her home with them for a good home cooked meal, prepared by James, and took her back the next morning. It was during one of those visits that Wanda finally opened up.

"My parents moved away and left me here with some friends and they just never came back, I don't know if they're alive or dead. But anyway, I met this guy and..."

"Did he rape you?" Toni asked.

"No, it was nothing like that," Wanda replied. "It was just one of those things, you know? Anyway, when he found out that I was pregnant, he took off, saying that he didn't want a kid. The people I was staying with kicked me out, saying that they couldn't support another person. I had been out on the streets for almost two weeks when you found me. I didn't know what to do or where to go, I'd heard stories about what happens in foster homes and I didn't want to risk it. I tried to find a job but no one wanted to hire a girl off the street, so I started stealing food and begging for money."

"Wanda," James said gently, "What were you going to do with your baby?"

"I don't know," she replied honestly. "I only knew that I couldn't keep it. I guess, when it was time, I was going to go to the hospital, have it and then leave it there. Is that wrong?" she asked.




Mason Ch. 04



Toni looked at Wanda and saw a frightened little girl and sought to reassure her.

"No, Wanda, it wouldn't have been wrong to leave the baby where it would have been safe, but what were you going to do afterwards?"

"I...I don't know. Maybe see if the people where I used to live would take me back," she replied.

Later that night James and Toni talked.

"We can't let her go back on the street, who knows what will happen to her," Toni said.

"I agree but what are our options?"

"I don't know but we've got to do something," Toni replied.

As the due date for the baby drew closer, it was clear that Wanda wanted to talk about something. Toni had put feelers out at the hospital for anyone needing a live-in helper, with the understanding that she was pregnant and would have to attend classes. As it turned out, help came from a very unlikely source, one of Toni's patients. Mrs. Arnold was a crotchety old woman, but was as tender hearted as they came when it came to someone needing help. She ended up taking Wanda in and was a taskmaster about Wanda doing her school work and reporting back to Toni when she didn't. 

A month before the baby was due Wanda approached Toni and James.

"You've been so good to me, who knows where I'd be if you hadn't stopped and taken me to breakfast that morning. My baby needs a good home and needs people that will love her and take care of her. I would like for you to take her."

Toni and James looked at each other.

"Wanda..." Toni said.

"No, listen, I can't care for her. I can love her but I can't give her the things that you can, please take her. I know that you'll love her and keep her safe. Please, I don't want anyone else to have her," Wanda pleaded with tears running down her cheeks.

Now here they were, a month later, heading to the hospital to see their baby born. Wanda had already signed the adoption papers, letting them legally her baby into their care. Wanda always called the baby 'she' but they didn't know what it was, so they had a name for each sex picked out. Both sets of grandparents were on standby, ready to fly out as soon as they got the call that the baby was born. Each set of grandparents had sent a gift of thanks to Wanda, who accepted the gifts tearfully but reluctantly.

Wanda had just been taken to the birthing suite when they got there. Toni went in first to see if it was still alright for James to be with them.

"He's the daddy, he should be here," Wanda replied.

Ten hours later, James Michael Jacobson weighed in at seven pounds, six ounces and seventeen inches long. Toni, James and Wanda all cried when they first saw him and heard his first cry.

"Wanda, he's beautiful!" Toni cried as she kissed the girl on her forehead. "Thank you for trusting us to care for him."

James was speechless for the first time since Toni knew him, but his tears said it all. He kissed Wanda on her other cheek and murmured a thank you. 

Both James and Toni had agreed beforehand that Wanda should be the first to hold the baby but she declined. "No, he's yours, you hold him first and then I will," she said.

Toni took the now sleeping baby into her arms and rocked him. She took note of his dark hair and tiny fingers and kissed his head before handing him off to James.

"God, Toni, he's gorgeous!" he murmured as he cradled the baby close.

They turned to hand the baby to Wanda but she was already asleep.

...

Mason knew that Toni and James had left the area but opted to stay behind in Boston. He knew where they were and could watch as easily from where he was as there. He still patted himself on the back for 'fixing' Eustace's problem, he and Gretchen were joined at the hip as it were. They were still working on the logistics of their practices because Gretchen hated the cold Boston winters and didn't want to move to Boston on a permanent basis. They had discussed whether Mason should take over his practice so that Eustace could move to LA, but Mason had balked: what if something happened that required him to move to San Diego? For now the topic was tabled.

As he sat at his desk, he thought about the past two years. Thinking about Katrina no longer hurt, it was more of a light tug and then it was gone. He knew that he wasn't at the point where he could give himself totally to Toni, or anyone else for that matter, but he was a hell of a lot closer than he was even months ago. For now he was content to know that Toni was safe and cared for and that's all that mattered.



Mason Ch. 05



Toni grinned as James tried to change the diaper of a squirming baby. Jamie was six months old and a very happy baby who smiled easily but was very busy. They were coming to the end of their time off and were reluctant to go back to work. For the past two months they had been interviewing sitters and not caring for any of them including some of the ones recommended by colleagues.

One of the recommendations reminded Toni too much of Kim in the way she only looked at James when Toni had been the one to ask a question. Another one, they both had bad feelings about and so it went. Wanda had volunteered to help but she was busy trying to catch up with school and both James and Toni weren't sure that it was a good idea at least for now. They talked about each of them going part time and working different days eliminating the need for a sitter and decided that it was the best option. They would meet with the supervisors and see what they could work out.

Toni watched as James finally got the squirming baby diapered and felt a pang that they couldn't have a child together. James made sure that it wouldn't happen by having what he called the "good old snip-snip" of which for him the hardest part was not being able to make love although he offered to please Toni.

"Nope, not until you can." she said kissing him.

Having a baby in the house was an adjustment for the both of them, on more than one occasion their lovemaking was interrupted because of a crying baby or postponed because Jamie was sick but they wouldn't have changed anything. They loved Jamie as if he was born to them.

***

The last month of their time off was over, fortunately the hospital was able to meet their demand and allowed them both to go part time, the question was what was the best way to break up the schedule. After much debate they decided to alternate weeks. Toni would work her week first, they would have a more than a week off in between and then James would work with the difference being that he wouldn't work his days in a row.

Instead of Jamie having separation anxiety it was James. He called Toni several times when he thought that she wasn't busy. The fact was Toni missed them too, the six months of constantly being together had spoiled her and when he wasn't calling her, she was calling him. That first day was the longest day of her life and couldn't end soon enough. She couldn't wait to get home to hug and kiss her two men.

While Toni was at work and Jamie napped, James set up the video camera and started video taping conversations for Toni and Jamie. He felt great but he wanted to be sure that he told the two loves of his life everything that he thought they should know, mainly how much he loved them. When he finished, he dated and timed the disc and put it in a small box. When he had more, he would take them to his attorney for him to give to Toni when and if the need arose. He was surprised at how much he had to say to her and Jamie, the first thirty minute disc was full.

The next day he did the same thing, sometimes he talked about the things that they did together and of the things that he hoped that they would do together. Sometimes as he talked, he would hold a sleeping Jamie in his arms and talk just to him about what he hoped and dreamt for him.

Each night Toni would come home and would ask, "What did you do today?" He would tell her everything that happened except for the videos. 

When it was his turn to go to work, he didn't want to go; he wanted to spend every waking moment with Toni and Jamie and was considering resigning. He knew that if he did that Toni would think that there was something wrong when there wasn't, he just wanted to be with them. By the time James got to the hospital, he had made his decision; he wouldn't resign but would strictly take call meaning that he could work from home. He didn't know how Toni would feel abut that but the decision was made. 

James found the director of internal medicine and asked to speak with him privately. When they were in his office behind closed doors the director offered James a drink.

"No, thanks." James said. "I just wanted to talk to you about something. I know that you have a couple of doctors on staff that only take call and I was wondering if you could use one more."

The director sat back in his chair and eyed James.

"Are you feeling alright?" He asked.

"I'm good; it's just that I miss being at home with Toni and the baby." James replied.

"You discuss this with Toni?" the director asked.

James didn't see where it was any of his business but answered the question.

"No, not yet. I wanted to see if it was a possibility before bringing it up."

"Well, as luck would have it, one of the on calls is leaving next week. She got a job in Hawaii that was too good to turn down so if you want her position it's open."

"I want it." James replied without hesitation.

James left the office feeling as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. The only thing left to do was to tell Toni in such a way that she wouldn't worry.

****

Mason lay on his bed resting; Eustace and Gretchen were officially mated. Eustace once again offered his practice to Mason so that he could move to LA with Gretchen and open a new practice. Any of Ethan's relatives that were seeing him would follow him there. Mason declined; he wanted to be able to leave whenever the need arose. As a matter of fact, he had already been to San Diego and had purchased a condo there. It was fully functional although he hadn't lived in it yet. Something was telling him that sometime soon, that he would be moving.

Eustace ended up selling his practice to one Dr. Lydia Smythe. She and Mason clashed on their first meeting and only meeting.

"I understand that Eustace let you do whatever you wanted but this is my practice now." she said in a tone that sent Mason's defenses up.

"I am also aware that he allowed you to set your own hours, this will not be the case. Our hours will be from five pm until five am and every other weekend." she added.

Mason looked at the woman as if she had gone insane. Just who in the fuck did she think she was talking to? He wondered as she rambled on about what she expected from him. When she was finished and asked if he had any questions, Mason stared at her for several minutes before speaking.

"I don't know who in the fuck you think you are but you will not dictate to me my hours nor will you dictate the way that I treat my patients. If I am not mistaken, you've lost more than one associate and colleague because of your manners. Yes I investigated you and I was prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt but it seems that the stories that I heard about you are true so lady take your fucking office and stuff it up your ass. I'm done."

Mason left the office from where he sat leaving a startled Lydia staring at his empty chair. He wasn't home for more than ten minutes when his phone rang. Lydia.

"I do not appreciate the way in which you just spoke to me!" she said as soon as he answered the phone.

"Tough shit!" Mason replied and hung up. It looked like he was leaving Boston much sooner than he had anticipated. 

He packed his suitcase and decided to drive back to California. He wanted to enjoy seeing the Palm trees as he made his way to San Diego. As he packed he called Eustace.

"Why didn't you tell me that she was such a bitch?" he asked.

Eustace laughed, "I heard that she had changed and when I spoke with her it appeared that she had but apparently not. What are you planning?"

"I'm packing as we speak, I told the bitch to stuff the office up her ass and I left. I'm moving back to California, San Diego to be exact." Mason replied.

Eustace hesitated and then spoke.

"Mason, are you ready for that?"

"I think so, I can say Katrina's name without feeling like my heart's being yanked from my chest and I can think of her without feeling pain. So yes I'm ready." Mason replied.

"And what about Toni?" Eustace asked.

"That hasn't changed. I'm not going to interfere with her life. I'm not even going to make myself known to her but it's time for me to leave Boston. Any chance that I can stop by and see you and Gretchen?" he asked.

"Of course, mi casa is su casa and all of that." Eustace replied.

An hour later, Mason was on his way back to California. His cell phone rang several times but he ignored it, it was Lydia.

***

Toni met James at the door with Jamie in her arms. She had missed him and was anxious to hear how his first day at work went. She knew that he didn't want to go and if there was anyway possible he wouldn't have. 

James hugged and then kissed her before kissing the baby. He stopped and sniffed the air; Toni had tried to cook again.

"Sweetness, what is that I smell?" he asked.

"I watched the cooking show today and they made this dish that we happened to have all of the ingredients for and I decided to make it." she said happily.

"I see and may I ask what the dish is called?" James asked.

"Oh, I don't remember, I just wrote down the ingredients and the measurements." she replied.

James cringed, Toni's handwriting in the best of times looked like another language. More than once he had been stopped by a nurse and asked to interpret her writing.

"Ok then, let's see what we've got." he said taking the baby from her so that he could hug him properly. The closer to the kitchen they got, the worse it smelled.

"Sweetness, what exactly is that smell?" James asked.

"It's dinner." Toni replied doubtfully.

"Uh huh, take the baby; I want to see if it's something that I should call HAZMAT for." 

James handed the baby to her and went into the kitchen. He approached he stove, lifted the lid on whatever it was that was cooking and covered it again. Whatever it was had become nothing more than a bad smelling thick brown goo. He couldn't help it, he started to laugh; he loved Toni and she was one hell of a doctor but in the kitchen she was a disaster.

He stopped laughing when he heard her sniffling behind him. 

"I was just trying to surprise you." she said as tears ran down her face. "I knew that your first day would be hard and we thought that we could make dinner."

James hugged her and kissed her head, we?

"Sweetheart, what do you mean by we?" he asked.

"Me and Jamie. I measured the ingredients and let him put it in." 

"Where's the recipe?" James asked.

Toni handed him the recipe that she had hastily scribbled on a piece of paper towel. James read the recipe and frowned.

"Sweetness, what does that say?" he asked.

Toni looked at the recipe and couldn't read the writing, "I think it says....I don't know" and then she began to laugh, "Why don't we order Chinese?" she asked.

"I think that's a winner." James replied laughing with her.

After dinner and playtime with Jamie, James decided to tell Toni about his decision.

She didn't say anything for a long time which usually wasn't a good sign but this time, she let out a sigh of relief.

"I like the idea. To be honest, I worried about you all day especially since we were off for so long, so if you're alright with it then so am I as long as you don't mind that I keep going in to work."

James breathed easier as he hugged Toni, suddenly he was very horny.

"How about you meet me in bed after we put Jamie to bed?" he whispered in her ear.

They had learned from experience that the best time to make love was soon after they put him down for the night.

After they had Jamie tucked in, they were in the bathroom together. Toni saw James looking at his reflection in the mirror. He pulled his shirt off and stared at himself. James had always been very proud of his body and up until the time that he had gotten sick he was an avid athlete. The six pack that he had been so proud of was gone but he was far from fat. Reading his mind, Toni went over to him and wrapped her arms around him. 

"You are still by far the sexiest man that I know." she said meaning it.

James rubbed her arms and said, "You have to say that, you're my wife."

"It's true that I'm your wife but what I said stands. James, I love you six pack or not so don't go getting any crazy ideas." she said.

James was already wondering about starting some kind of exercise program that included more than the light weights and walking that he did. He would call his cardiologist in the morning and talk to him about it that way he could assure Toni that it was alright.

Toni watched James as he left the bathroom; she knew him and knew that he wasn't happy with his body. She didn't care what he looked like just as long as she and Jamie had him around for a good long time.

As they made love, Toni started to cry. She didn't know why, but she felt an intense sadness that almost took her breath away.

James held her as she cried; he had stopped asking her for a reason for the tears finally accepting that she really didn't know. As they slept, Toni lay pressed tightly against James, she was awake long after he was asleep. When Jamie cried, she got up even though it was James' turn. She changed and offered Jamie a bottle before tucking him back in. James was standing by the door when she turned around.

"It was my turn to get up." he said softly.

Toni shrugged, "I was awake already and you were tired. You can have the next turn." she replied.

When they got back to bed, they made love again.

***

Mason hummed along with the radio as he drove; this trip was so much different than the trip out. He found himself anxious to be in a new city and was thinking of calling Ethan and asking if he could stop by there too. If he could see Katrina and not feel pain or regret then as far as he was concerned, he was over her and then he could concentrate on getting ready for Toni even though it could be years.

He drove until it was just shy of four am, stopping at a bed and breakfast just for vampires. He decided not to rush off in the evening but to stay for a couple of days if there was room. It had been awhile since he had a vacation and there was no real need to rush. The couple who owned the establishment assured him that he could stay as long as he wished as there were no conventions or anything of the sort scheduled.

Once checked in, Mason checked his cell phone only to see several messages from Lydia. He deleted all of them without listening to them and set the phone up to charge. As he lay down to rest, it wasn't Katrina that he thought of but Toni.

The two days that he spent at the bed and breakfast went by quickly. He spoke with Ethan, Katrina and then the girls amazed at how much they had grown. He made a mental note to stop and buy them each a gift, it would be a nice one, he had several birthdays to make up for.

A week later he was settling in at his condo by the ocean. He really had missed California with its sunshine and palm trees. While he had learned to love Boston, it was never home and now he was home. He was in no hurry to set up a practice, he never had to see another client for as long as he lived if he didn't want to but he did just not now.

He sat on the balcony and listened to the sound of the ocean with his eyes closed, for some reason he couldn't get Toni off of his mind. Was she in trouble? He wondered. Unable to shake the feeling that something was happening with her, Mason went inside and logged onto the internet. He read a few articles one of them mentioning something about them adopting a baby but there was nothing to explain the feelings of disquiet.

He sat at the table tapping his fingers idly as he thought about his feelings. Something was wrong, he could feel it but all he could do was wait. It struck him that he was beginning to feel for Toni what he should have felt when he first saw her and for the first time he felt that it was truly possible for him to love someone as they deserved to be loved. He wasn't quite there yet but he was close.

****

The on call position was working out quite well for James and everyone concerned. The nurses loved it when either he or Toni was on because they never yelled at them no matter what time they called. On occasion Kim would be one of the nurses to call and if Toni was taking call she could hear the disappointment in her voice.

One day while Toni was at work, James made a final video and sent it to his attorney to put with the others. He also made sure that everything would go to Toni and Jamie if anything ever happened to him. He had actually done that after his hospital stay but wanted to make sure that everything was in place. James didn't know why he was doing what he was doing, he felt great especially after the doctor okayed a more challenging exercise program for him. He was beginning to see a hint of the six pack that he had lost and that alone was an ego booster. He had to resist the urge to add just one more set to his exercise routine knowing that Toni and the doctor both would be upset if he did and he ended up back in the hospital.

The other advantage to him being home was that there were no more 'mystery' meals even with Jamie helping him. In a few weeks Jamie would be one and James was making the meal with the exception of the cake, he put Toni in charge of that knowing that she would order it instead of baking it herself, she was just as bad a baker as she was a cook. 

Both sets of grandparents were due in two days before Jamie's birthday and Toni made sure to invite Wanda as well. James looked down at the crawling baby and laughed.

"I plan to teach you how to cook just in case your wife is a bad cook like your mommy." James said.

As if he understood, Jamie looked up at James and smiled. He and Toni decided to have Jamie tested for any hereditary diseases and he was negative for anything major much to theirs and Wanda's relief. She didn't know much about the father only that he was Hispanic and worked somewhere in downtown San Diego.

James looked at the clock and scooped Jamie into his arms.

"Time to start supper, your mommy will be here soon." he said kissing the boy's dark head.

Toni finished up as soon as she could, it had been a long day and she was looking forward to the next several days off. She had planned to stop at the cake shop on the way home to order Jamie's cake but changed her mind. She was anxious to go home and see what the little munchkin had been up to. It was becoming more and more important to her that she be home as much as possible, she was considering taking a sabbatical, she would talk to James about it tonight. She knew that it wouldn't be an issue; James hated to see her leave as much as she hated leaving.

James had just taken the lasagna out of the oven when Toni came in, lately when she came in and he greeted her at the door she felt a profound sense of relief. She didn't understand the anxiety, James looked good and felt good especially since he was slowly but surely getting some of his six pack back and she didn't feel that impending sense of doom that she felt before

Toni kissed him and whispered a promise that made his cock stand up.

"You are a wicked woman." he teased, "But I like it."

Over dinner, they talked about the day and then Toni brought up her plan to take a sabbatical. James loved the idea and encouraged her to go for it. The decision went a long way to quieting any sense of disquiet that they both felt but had no basis for.

Later that night after they made love, Toni felt a sense of peace. It was as if whatever bad thing that was coming decided to go somewhere else. Even James was more relaxed, he felt as if he had been given a reprieve.

The next morning they went to breakfast at Toni's favorite place-Denny's. Jamie as always drew a lot of attention especially from the waitresses. At almost one, he was quite the flirt smiling at whatever woman that happened to stop by and chat with him. The next stop was the bakery to order the birthday cake with the final stop being the grocery store. James loved to grill out for company and was shopping for when his parents and Toni's parents would be staying at their house.




Mason Ch. 05



James thought about how things had changed since he and Toni got married, his mother who was against the marriage and Toni's mother now talked on a daily basis. Jamie became the magnet that pulled them all together.

When they got home, Toni called the hospital and talked to the Director of Internal Medicine. When she explained what she wanted to do, he became concerned.

"Toni are you sure that James is alright?"

"He's fine, we just feel like we need to spend more time with Jamie and each other. If taking a leave is a problem, I can resign..."

"No, let's not go there." The director said. "Why don't we do this, let's give you an extension on your leave effective now and we'll talk again in a month?"

It wasn't what she really wanted but it would do for now. Toni hung up the phone and looked at her two men sitting on the floor watching television. James was such a good father; there was no denying that he loved both her and Jamie. And to think she had almost thrown it away.

****

Mason figured he had lounged around enough and started looking for a place to open his practice. He liked what Eustace had done- buying a whole building and using part of it for living space. He sat on the balcony and booted up his laptop to look for real estate, even though he had a realtor, he enjoyed doing some research himself. If he found anything, he would send her over to the building before going himself.

As he searched he became aware that for the past week he hadn't had any disquieting feelings about Toni. Whatever it was had apparently passed at least for now. Tired of searching for property, Mason shut the laptop off and decided to go for a walk. At the last minute, he decided to take his cell phone and wished that he hadn't. Lydia Smythe had been calling him at least once a day demanding that he call her back. With each phone call she became more demanding. This last message was over the top.

"Mason Donahue! I demand that you return my call as soon as you get this message. No one and I mean no one walks out on me!" 

By the end of the message, she was screaming.

"Fuck it! If the bitch needs an apology for her to stop calling me I'll fucking apologize!" Mason said out loud as he hit the return call button.

Lydia answered on the first ring. She didn't give Mason a chance to say anything before she started screaming at him. Mason laid the phone on the counter and walked out of the condo not coming back for two hours. When he got back, the battery on the phone was dead. As soon as it was charged, he would block Lydia's number, what was with her anyway? He was sure that there was some underlying psych issue but he hadn't spent enough time with her to figure it out nor did he want to.

On a whim he called Eustace.

"What the fuck is with that woman? She's called me at least once a day ever since I left screaming into the phone."

"I'm sorry about that, after we talked I did some checking around only to find out that the people that she used as references lied. She's every bit as disturbed as I had heard her to be, I also heard that she can be violent and unpredictable so be careful."

"You're shitting me right?" Mason asked. 

"No and I wish I were. I've been trying to track down her psychiatrist but so far no luck, when I find him I'll let him know where she is and I'll call you." 

Mason hung up and laughed, who but him would attract a crazed therapist?

He booted up his laptop and googled Lydia's name and got several hits, after about an hour he saw the name of a psychiatrist that was associated with her name. He was on the east coast and would still be up. Mason took a chance and called. As it turned out the psychiatrist was looking for Lydia, he knew that she was somewhere on the east coast and was grateful for the lead. Mason gave the address to the office and breathed a sigh of relief after he hung up. That night was the last time he heard from Lydia Smythe, with that little drama over with, Mason continued his search for a building. When he tired of that, he went to his room and watched the news.

***

The back yard was decorated with balloons and banners for Jamie's birthday. The cake was on the table along with birthday gifts from both sets of grandparents and Wanda. James grilled steaks while Toni handled any food that didn't need to be cooked. Her and James mother watched after Jamie as preparations for dinner went on, she took a moment to look out of the window to watch James talking with their father's. When he got older, he would look like his father, just taller and just as handsome. She had a fleeting sense of disquiet that was gone as quickly as it came; it came to her that she was scared.

The party was a success with Jamie doing the required mashing his hands in the cake while pictures were taken. Everyone helped with the clean-up making it quick and easy. Toni took Wanda home while the others visited.

"Toni? Do you think that I'm smart enough to be a doctor?" Wanda asked.

"Sure you are is that what you want to do?" Toni asked.

"I think so, a pediatrician."

"How are your grades?" Toni asked.

"Ok except for math and chemistry. I just don't get it." Wanda said.

"James is really good at that those, maybe he could help you. I'll ask him when I get home."

Jamie was sleeping in James' arms when she got back.

"I wanted to wait for you before tucking him in." James whispered.

Everyone else had gone to their rooms leaving James rocking the sleeping toddler. He and Toni put Jamie to bed and stood by the crib watching him sleep. Their baby was growing up.

***

Two years later

James couldn't say when he started not feeling just right, he knew that he should say something but he hated it when Toni worried over him and this was his fault... James looked at the clock, she should be home any minute now, he would tell her then.

Toni walked in ten minutes later to find James pale, cool and clammy. She picked up the phone and called 911 knowing that if it was nothing that James would be pissed. She held Jamie in her arms as she checked James pulse, it was strong but erratic. She called his name and breathed a sigh of relief when he opened his eyes.

"Hi sweetness, I really feel like crap." He said weakly taking her hand.

"I know you do the ambulance is coming." Toni said fighting tears.

As if on cue, the sound of the sirens drew closer. They wasted no time in starting an IV and asking Toni the pertinent questions. They soon had him on a heart monitor and in the ambulance; Toni grabbed some supplies for Jamie and met them at the hospital.

"That was a close call." The ER physical said.

"What happened?" Toni asked.

"We're not sure to be honest with you that's why we're going to keep him for a few days although he's demanding to go home."

"But he's stable?" Toni asked.

"He's stable, let me ask you this, has he been adjusting his meds?"

"No..." Toni started to say but then she couldn't be sure. "I'll find out and let you know." she said.

She found James looking much better and his heart rate regular.

"Hi sweetness and baby sweetness!" he greeted holding his arms out for Jamie.

Toni let him have his time with Jamie before asking him about his meds. When Jamie had settled down on his lap Toni asked.

"James, have you been screwing around with your meds?"

When he hesitated, she knew that he had.

"What in the hell are you trying to do?" she hissed. "Are you trying to leave us?" she asked crying.

"Baby no! I... oh hell baby I was trying to see if I could get rid of one by increasing the other and..."

"Are you a fucking cardiologist?" she asked interrupting him.

James didn't answer, she rarely used that word and the fact that she just did and in front of the baby told him that he had really scared her.

"You almost died! Do you know that? Phil just told me how close it was! What were you thinking?"

"Of you, I was thinking of you and Jamie. He's going to be old enough to want to play ball and things like that and I thought that it I could tweak my meds that maybe I could add some sports to my regimen and Jesus baby I'm sorry."

Toni wasn't ready to let him off the hook just yet and if she had to use guilt, she would.

"How long have you been doing this?" she asked as tears ran down her face.

"A week or two and I thought that I was doing ok until tonight. I mean I wasn't feeling great but not bad but tonight I completely eliminated the beta-blocker and increased the other."

"James, I know that this has been hard for you starting with not being able to have a baby together and then not being able to do the things that you love but we almost lost you tonight. We would rather have you alive and able to cheer for Jamie at his games than visiting your grave site. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? We love you and we're not ready for you to leave us so please don't do this again."

James kissed Jamie on his head, Toni was right; it was a stupid thing to do.

"Sweetness, come here." James said softly as he held out his hand.

Toni didn't move at first, she was still pissed that he would do something so stupid. After a minute she moved toward him and took his hand. James pulled her onto the cot as he scooted over.

"Toni, I don't want to leave you and Jamie ever. What I did was stupid and I'm sorry that I put you through this. I promise that from now on I won't screw with my meds unless I talk to the cardiologist. Forgive me?"

Toni laid her head on his chest and cried, the cardiologist peeked in and left them alone, he had some bad news. He came back an hour later and pulled up a chair. 

"James, I'm not going to sugar coat this so here it is; it looks as if your condition is worsening. Before you ask, the tweaking of your meds had very little if anything to do with it. I would like to do another heart catherization just to see how much worse it is. Best case scenario? The progress will be minimal."

Toni held on to James' hand as he held Jamie. The sense of impending doom that she felt the first time was back and in spades. 

"When do you want to do the cath?" Toni asked.

"As soon as possible, James, did you eat dinner?" he asked.

"No, I haven't eaten since lunch." James said quietly. 

"Good, I'll have the nurse bring in the consent."

Toni started to shake as she called James' parents and then hers. James' parents would leave right away and stop to pick her parents up in their jet on the way in.

The nurse stuck her head around the curtain and came in with the consent which James signed without looking at. As soon as he was gone, James pulled Toni down so that her head lay on his chest and began to talk to her.

"I love you and this little boy so much. The two of you are the best things that have ever happened to me; I just wanted you to know that in case...."

"James don't talk like that! You're going to be fine and we're going to get old and play with Jamie's babies and don't you dare fucking leave us!" Toni cried.

James was as scared as she was and wanted nothing more than to promise her that he would be fine, his gut told him that he wouldn't be but he didn't tell her that. James held both Toni and Jamie and prayed that he would get another reprieve; he wasn't ready to leave them.

Toni paced while James was in the cath lab. One of the nurses from peds happened by and offered to put Jamie in one of the empty cribs in her section. Reluctantly, Toni handed the sleeping boy to the nurse thanking her for her help.

Their parents arrived not long after the nurse had taken Jamie and greeted her with hugs.

Toni had just closed her eyes when she heard the code called for the cath lab.

"James!" she screamed and ran into the lab. 

She stood helplessly by as they did everything that they could to save him, collapsing when she realized that they couldn't. Toni didn't know who caught her and took her to the waiting room, all she knew was that James was gone and he wasn't coming back. She felt arms go around her and the sounds of weeping that joined her own. She pulled away, she had to see him.

No one stopped her as she approached the cot and pulled the endotrachial tube. She brushed his hair back from his face and kissed him. He was warm enough for her to believe that he was still alive but when she touched his chest, there was no heartbeat.

Toni touched and kissed James until someone gently pulled her away.

"Sweetie let us clean him up and then you can come back."

Toni pulled away from the nurse.

"I'll do it." she said softly not wanting anyone else to touch him.

"But..."

"I said I'll do it!!!" she snapped.

The nurse came back with a basin of warm water and a clean hospital gown.

"You want some help baby?" a soft voice said.

"Damn it!" She stopped; the voice belonged to her mother.

"No mom, I need this time to be alone with him but Jamie is up in peds could you guys go get him?"

Toni turned back to James, continued to wash him and removing any IV's before dressing him in the clean gown. She sat beside him holding his hand already missing him. Their parents joined her handing a very sleepy Jamie over to her. She held Jamie tight wetting his face with her tears.

The funeral was a week later, people from all over the States came, most of who were classmates or colleagues at one time or another. The week had been a blur for Toni, she couldn't bring herself to sleep in the bed that they had made love in so many times not that she could sleep anyway. She replayed the last few months in her mind trying to figure out if there was anything that she should have caught. The cardiologist told her that she had missed nothing and that they had been fortunate that James hadn't died before this.

The day of the funeral was the hardest day of her life. She sat in the front with her parents and with Jamie on her lap crying softly. The best part of her was gone, the part of her that was stubborn enough to stick around as she decided whether she loved him or not, the part of her that never stopped believing that they belonged together, the part of her that taught her how to love.

Toni listened as different people spoke about James and hugged Jamie close to her. She had no idea of how she was going to live without James. She kissed Jamie on the head and murmured, "We'll manage won't we?"

A week after the funeral, James' attorney came to the house.

"I am so sorry for your loss but you should know that he loved you so very much. He wanted you to have these in case... and he left you very well off financially. You and the baby will be fine in that respect."

Toni took the box and let the attorney out. She opened the box and saw the videos, curious she picked one up and saw that they were all dated and timed. She took the first one out, carried it to the living room and put in in the player. She gasped when James' image came on the screen. She didn't get past the "Hi Sweetness!" before she shut it off, put it back in the case and put it back with the others. With tears running down her face, she set the box on a shelf and walked away.

***

Mason was behind in his newspaper reading and was just reading the Sunday paper from last week. As always, he read the paper in it's entirety with the exception of the classifieds. He had just gotten to the obituaries when he saw a name that he recognized, 'James Jacobson dies at age 37' it couldn't be could it? He wondered and read the entire article.

"Fuck no." he moaned as he imagined the pain that Toni must be feeling and there wasn't a damned thing that he could do for her and their baby except maybe be her friend. A feeling of déjà vu hit him; this was too much like Katrina except that Ethan was alive and well. He closed the paper and then closed his eyes as he tried to think of the best way to help Toni and her son. 



Mason Ch. 06



The weeks after James' funeral were a blur. Toni existed only to take care of Jamie but took very little care of herself. Her parents moved into the house with her to help her care for Jamie and to care for her. James' parents came to stay with her every other week so that her parents could go home and take care of things there. Toni barely ate and when she did it was because no one would leave her alone until she did, when she slept, she dreamt of James and of all the things that they had never gotten to do together. The only time she smiled is when she was holding Jamie. He missed James too, Toni could tell as he walked on his stubby little legs from room to room calling for papa. Those were the times when it was the hardest, when she missed James so badly that it took her breath away. That and at night, she had started sleeping in their bed a week ago. The first few nights her mother slept with her to comfort her just as she did when Toni was a little girl when she was sick or frightened.

The first night that she was alone in the bed Toni fell apart. She wanted James back, she prayed to god for a miracle then she was consumed by anger.

"You promised me! She cried into his pillow, "you fucking promised me a life time and you lied! You made me love you and then you left me and Jamie alone. God James, I miss you!" 

She spent the first night alternately praying, being angry and sometimes hating him. The videos on top of the cabinet were forgotten until her father found them.

"Sweetheart, maybe you should look at these. It might help." he said gently.

She didn't want to because if she did, then she would expect James to walk through the door with his usual "Hi Sweetness!"

"Daddy, I can't. I'm not ready yet." 

Her father hugged her and let the subject drop.

Toni still hadn't packed up James' clothes although she knew that she needed to. But to her if she packed them up it was like admitting that he wasn't coming back. Her brain knew that he wasn't but her heart wasn't convinced.

"Toni," her mother said one day, "sweetheart, it's time to start packing away his things."

"I can't! I just can't! "Toni said.

"I know baby, it's hard but you won't start to heal until ...."

"What if I don't want to heal? What if I want to keep believing that he'll come back to me?" Toni asked as tears ran down her face.

"Baby, I know that you love him and god only knows how much he loved you and that little boy but he's not coming back and no amount of wishing is going to change that."

"When will I stop missing him so much?" Toni asked crying.

"I can't answer that but let me tell you what I think." Her mother said. "I believe that even though he's not physically here, he's with you and sweetheart, he would want you to take care of yourself and start to heal."

Toni sat crying in her mother's arms for a long time, she still wasn't ready.

Three months later

Toni still had a hard time accepting the fact that James was gone, every time she opened the closet and saw his clothes still hanging there her heart gave a little leap and then sank. It was time.

Both sets of parents were with her as she began to pack James's things up to take to the homeless shelters and the Salvation Army. It was a tearful time for all of them but they managed. When they were finished the closet looked bare with just her things in it, it looked as if James had never existed. 

She emptied the dressers alone not wanting their parents to see the semi kinky underwear that James bought to make her laugh. She held up the fluorescent orange ones and in spite of herself, smiled at the memory of him parading around in them. He was such a goof she thought as she folded the underwear and put them in a box. It took her several hours to pack everything because she stopped and had a memory of every item, tears came when she remembered that there would be no more memories she only had the ones that they had made.

The nights were still hard and she still cried for him missing the way he always held her even as they slept and making love with him in the morning before they went to work. There was one night when things were particularly hard and Toni didn't know why but on the night she swore that she would never love anyone again, it simply hurt too much to lose them.

****

Mason kept his distance from Toni, he still hadn't decided on the best approach. Of all the people that he had ever helped, Toni would be the most important. He had managed to find out where she lived and watched the house at night grateful to see that she was never alone and if she was it wasn't for very long. He caught a few glimpses of Jamie and Toni together, that they loved each other was obvious, the child would give her something positive to focus on instead of her grief at least that was her hope. 

He could see by her body language that she was hurting but there was nothing that he could do except watch her from afar, it was much too soon for anything else. As he vanished from where he stood he wondered where she worked and if they had a psychiatric floor. He hadn't worked in a hospital for years and it can't have changed that much. The second question was what shift she worked. He suspected days which would make him getting a job there counterproductive. He would give her some more time he decided.

****

Toni looked at the box on top of the cabinet and rubbed her sweaty hands on her jeans. Six months had gone by since James died and it really wasn't getting easier unless not crying as much counted. She took a deep breath, took the box down and sat it on the couch. She sat staring at it for more than an hour before she took out the disc that she had started to watch before but couldn't. She looked at the date and frowned, it was dated for the day that she first went back to work, about six months after Jamie was born. She looked through the entire box of discs noting the dates; it was then that she realized that he knew. James knew that he didn't have much time with them, that's why he took the call only position. He wanted to be with them as much as possible. When she thought about it, she realized that she knew too, the unexplained crying after they made love, the clinging to him as they slept and the urge to stay home. They both knew but he accepted it while she denied it.

"James." she whispered and began to cry.

She popped in the first disc and sat on the floor to watch it tears flowed again as soon as she saw his face.

"Hi sweetness! I don't know why but I got this idea to video tape myself talking to you and the little guy. If I haven't said it lately, I love both of you and you two are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You two are the loves of my life."

Toni turned it off, she couldn't watch anymore. She felt like her heart was being ripped through her chest, Jamie's calling for her made her stop her tears. She found him sitting up in the crib and calling for "papa" that was it. She picked Jamie up and sat in the rocker holding him all night while she cried.

Her parents were due in the next day and were planning to stay indefinitely. They closed up the house in Florida after discussing it with her.

"Toni, you need us so we're coming to stay until you kick us out." her mother said. James' parents made the same offer but Toni declined. She had the feeling that James' mother blamed her for James' death although she never said anything directly but it was just a feeling. What his mother didn't know was there wasn't a day that went by that Toni didn't question her.

"What did I miss?" was the question that she asked herself every day. It was that question that kept her from going back to work, not because of the money but because she had enjoyed it. The thought that she could miss something important paralyzed her, she wouldn't take that chance with the life of someone's loved one.

When her parents arrived and were settled in, her mother sat her down.

"Toni, it's been six months and I'm not telling you that you should be over your grief but what I am saying is that you need to get out of this house. Go back to work if you want, your father and I will watch the munchkin."

"I can't." Toni replied as tears blurred her eyes. "What if I miss something and someone dies because of it like James?"

Toni's mother looked at her concerned.

"Do you think that James' dying was your fault?" she asked.

"I should have known! I should have seen something and made him go back to the hospital." Toni said softly.

"Oh baby, there was nothing that you could have done. It wasn't your fault; no one knew how much his condition had deteriorated."

Logically she knew this but emotionally she felt as if she could have done more to keep him with them. In her angriest moments she cursed god at her weakest she cried herself to sleep hugging the pillow that James slept on.

"Toni." Her mother said, "I think that it would be good for you to talk to someone, maybe a grief counselor."

"No. I'll be alright eventually." Toni said drying her eyes, "It's just that I still really miss him."

***

To pass the time Mason decided to reopen his practice to a limited number of patients. For variety he decided to start seeing humans as well but they couldn't be scheduled on the same night as vampires, which would be courting trouble. He decided to take on five vampires and five humans with the humans being pro bono. He had never treated a human but knew that they could be as fucked up as vampires could be and was certain that while there were certain physical differences the psyche would be similar. He would limit his office hours to two nights a week and no more. He wanted to be available for when he decided to approach Toni. He didn't want to advertise his office hours; if he did he would be flooded with clients so he called Eustace who was now officially mated to Gretchen.

"Sure I have at least five that I could send your way." Eustace said when Mason told him what he wanted to do. "How soon are you opening your office?" he asked.

By the end of the phone call, Mason had his five vampire clients, he wasn't in a big hurry to set up the human ones just yet and he still had to find a place for his office. He spent the evening looking for a place while thinking about Toni in between searches. He felt better knowing that her parents were living with her and hoped that she was at least talking to them if no one else.

****

Toni woke up inconsolable. Nothing that her parents did soothed her, it had been nine months since she buried James and it wasn't any easier. She tried watching the video disc thinking that it would help but it only made her miss him more. She wanted to reach through the TV screen and touch him one more time and then she thought that she might be able to let him go.

The night that she woke up, she fully expected to find him next to her, when she didn't she lost it. Her mother heard her screaming for James and tried to calm her down.

"He promised me!" she repeated over and over until she fell into an exhausted sleep in her mother's arms.

Toni woke late morning feeling washed out, still exhausted and out of sorts. She had to get a grip; she had Jamie to think about. Maybe she did need to see someone but who? She didn't want to see anyone from work and she didn't want the sympathetic looks and pats on the arm or back. She just wanted what she couldn't have: James.

Toni's mother Barbara was growing more concerned with every passing day, she was wondering if they were going to have to take her to the hospital for a psych evaluation when she finally calmed down enough to sleep but even so she looked washed out. Her normally clear skin was dull, her eyes flat until she saw Jamie.

While Toni slept, Barbara did a search for therapist in the area who specialized in grief. While Toni grieved for James, she hadn't let him go and in order for her to be happy again she had to do that. None of the therapist she checked into seemed right for Toni. It had to be someone who would be gentle but who wouldn't be afraid to push her like she and her father were. The question was who could help Toni and where she would find them.

****

Mason found a small office not far from where he lived and prepared to see his first client of the night. It was a female vampire with a taste for human males which in and of itself wasn't a bad thing. The problem was that she wanted to kill them after she was finished having sex with them.

"Why?" Mason asked her.

He threw his hands up when she responded, "Why not?"

There really were some fucked up beings out there he thought as he gave the female several ideas for coping with her murderous thoughts. "I would suggest that you stay away from human males until you have this under control. This isn't just about you but our race as a whole; we have to protect each other."

The woman nodded her understanding and gave her word that she would try to stay away from human males especially after Mason informed her that if any human males turned up dead that he would come for her himself. The rest of the night was easy; the last four clients just basically needed someone to talk to and needed nothing more.

He locked his office and went home his mind on Toni. He wondered how she was and if she had returned to work yet, he was thinking more and more about accidentally "meeting" her. He even thought about trying face book again but nixed the idea. Somehow he doubted that she was networking much if at all, he would just have to wait and bide his time. 

*** 

Two weeks later, Toni's mother was at her wits end. Toni wasn't even getting out of bed for longer than it took to bathe and feed Jamie. She was losing weight and seemed to be getting worse instead of better. Barbara arranged for Ben, Toni's father to watch Jamie. She and Toni were going out even if it was just for coffee.

It took her an hour to convince Toni to get dressed and another half hour to get her out of the door. Barbara drove her to a star bucks and had to convince Toni to get out of the car. Once inside it went better, Toni had to admit that it felt good to be out of the house but she wanted to go back even before they finished their coffee.

"Let's stay long enough to finish our coffee." Barbara urged.

Toni shrugged her shoulders and sipped at her caramel macchiato drink as she watched the people come and go. Barbara took her time with her coffee, even going for a second cup knowing that she would be awake all night because of it. 

She happened to look at Toni and saw her eyes widen. She turned around to see who or what had caused Toni's reaction. 

**** 

Mason decided to go for a walk and to grab a cup of coffee along the way. His last client for the evening had just left and it was early, almost nine. The first coffee shop he came to was a star bucks; he went in and waited in line to be served. He didn't know what made him turn around but he did and saw Toni staring at him.

He thanked the fates or whoever wanted the credit and quickly ordered a drink hoping that she wouldn't be gone by the time the server finished taking his money. He glanced back to see if she was still there breathing a sigh of relief when she was. He willed whoever it was that was making the drinks to hurry. He was about to walk away when his drink was put on the counter. He usually added cream and sugar but didn't want to waste time, he'd add it later.

As he approached the table where Toni and her mother sat, Mason took in Toni's appearance. He could tell that it had been a long time since she'd had a good nights sleep, he noted the dark circles under her eyes and the dullness of her skin and hair. He took in the flatness of her expression, she was exhausted physically and emotionally, she needed help.

"Hello, I don't know if you remember me or not but my name is Mason Donahue." He said and then waited for a response.

Toni didn't say anything at first and when she did, it was because her mother said something.

"Toni aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" she asked.

Mason could have kissed her.

****

Toni was shocked, she hadn't thought about Mason since he tried to contact her on face book just before her and James got married and they will still living in Boston. What was he doing here in San Diego? She wondered.

"Mom, this is Mason Donahue, he was kind enough to help me get James home one night after he had too much to drink, Mason, this is my mom Barbara." Toni said softly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Mason said. "Do you mind if I sit for a minute?" he asked.

Toni looked at her mother who was already saying yes.

Mason took the chair next to Toni's mother; he wanted to be able to look at Toni's face when he talked with her.

"I am so sorry about the loss of your husband." he said gently.

For just a second, he thought that she was going to crumble, she was still in so much pain and the first anniversary of his death was in three months but she kept it together albeit just barely.

"Thank you." Toni said and looked down at her coffee cup.

Mason's heart broke for her, she missed her husband desperately and she was near the breaking point.

"Look, I know that we didn't really talk the night that I helped you but I'm a good listener if you ever need someone to talk to." he said as he reached into his jacket and pulled out a card. "Call me anytime day or night." he added.

Barbara took the card and looked at it.

"You're a therapist." she stated.

"Yes, I'm just beginning my practice here after leaving Boston." Mason said.

Barbara looked at Mason and decided that she liked him. She was rarely wrong when assessing the character of people and she had a good feeling about the man sitting next to her. She tucked the card into her purse for safe keeping and looked over at Toni.

"Well Mr. Donahue, it was very nice to meet you." Barbara said.

"Please, call me Mason and it was very nice to meet you and I meant it when I said to call me at anytime if you need anything."

Mason stood up to leave and said good bye to Toni who barely responded.

***

Toni and her mother went home after finishing their coffee. Barbara wanted to ask Toni about Mason but decided not to; apparently they had only met that one time and hadn't seen each other again until tonight. Barbara while a woman who believed in science did not believe in coincidence, she believed that every person that she met was brought into her life for a reason whether that reason is for good or bad. Mason, she believed was going to be for the good.

Toni gave Jamie his bath and read him a story before tucking him in for the night. Her parents had retired for the night leaving her alone in the living room. She looked at the box of discs and put the first one in, this time she was able to watch ten minutes of it before she had to turn it off.

"Damn you for leaving us." she said quietly as she climbed into the bed a few minutes later.

As she closed her eyes, she could have sworn that she heard James' voice.

"Sweetness, I never wanted to leave you."

"Then why did you?" she murmured as she cried herself to sleep.

The next morning Toni felt as if she hadn't slept although she knew that she did but it wasn't a restful sleep, her sleep was plagued by the night James died, how she had watched them try to save him as she stood helpless unable to do anything.

The closer to the anniversary of James' came the worse the dreams became actually turning into nightmares that had Toni screaming in terror and pain. The worst of the nightmares was the one where James sat up from the coffin and accused her of never loving him and of letting him die. She would wake up screaming "I'm sorry! I did love you!"

After this happened several times, Barbara talked to Toni about calling Mason.

"Toni, you can't keep on like this! You need help and if you're not going to do it for yourself then do it for Jamie. He needs you. I have a feeling that this Mason Donahue could help you if you'd let him."




Mason Ch. 06



Toni shook her head no; she just wanted to be left alone.

****

Mason hadn't seen Toni since the night at 'star bucks' he had hoped that either she or her mother would have contacted him by now unless Toni was doing better which he doubted. He could tell that she hadn't really talked to anyone including her mother. It was now a month away from the anniversary date of James' death, if she hadn't talked to anyone yet, she was in for a rough night.

Mason changed his appointments to another day to make himself available and contacted Eustace asking him if he would take call if any of his five patients needed anything.

"I was just going to call you anyway. What is it you need?" Eustace asked. "Of course I'll take call just forward your calls here. The reason why I was going to call you was to give you a heads up, Lydia Smythe is on the loose again and from what I'm told she's got a thing for you so be careful."

Fuck! Mason thought, he didn't want or need any distractions right now. 

"Thanks and if you hear anything about Lydia call me."

He thought about changing his phone number and decided against it. If he kept his number and Lydia called he might be able to find out where she was. He checked his contact list to see if he still had the number for Lydia's psychiatrist, if he did he was going to give the man a call.

Mason found the number and called Dr. Kirkland.

"Mason Donahue here, I hear that you lost your patient again." Mason said.

It took the Dr. a moment to remember who Mason was.

"Dr. Donahue! Yes I'm afraid that you heard right, as a matter of fact, I was just getting ready to leave. Someone spotted her on the west coast but you're in Boston right?"

"Actually, I'm on the west coast now." Mason replied. 

"Please tell me it's not California." Dr. Kirkland said.

"I'm in California." Mason said as he cursed silently. "What's her diagnosis?" He asked.

There was a brief hesitation on the other end of the line and for just a moment Mason didn't think that the doctor was going to tell him.

"I'm not supposed to share information like that so let's just say that I'm consulting. Lydia did sign a consent for me to consult whoever I wish. Lydia is.... How can I say this? One of the most fucked up vampires I know, she's psychotic, sociopath and homicidal and as you already know, she has control issues."

"Has she killed?" Mason asked.

"Not that I'm aware of but if she hasn't it's only a matter of time. There's something about you though that has her fascinated. This is a change for her, her fascination usually last for a short time and then she moves on." Dr. Kirkland said.

"The other men, were they human or vampire?" Mason asked.

"Human, why?"

"The other therapist that she practiced with, were they human or vampire?" Mason asked ignoring the question.

"Human because.... I see where you're going with this. Humans are easily controlled and they were relatively safe with her. She in her own crazy psychotic way protected them, it doesn't make sense but that's what I think. You on the other hand are an entirely different matter. You defied her and she's pissed, if you haven't heard from her you will. Where are you exactly?" 

Mason hesitated, but sensed only truth coming from the psychiatrist.

"I'm in San Diego; call me when you get here."

Mason hung up and made another phone call. He could protect himself against Lydia but Toni and her family couldn't. By time he was finished with his call, security for Toni and her family had been set up and would be at her home within the hour. He thought about going and waiting until security arrived but he didn't know where Lydia was and didn't want to chance it. He reconsidered whether he should have security for his own home not for safety but they might be able to catch her if she showed up. Mason had no doubts that if Lydia didn't know where he lived, she soon would, after all she did find out that he lived in California. He picked up the phone and called the security firm again, he wanted her caught as soon as possible.

**** Toni paced restlessly, she was so tired but too afraid to sleep. She didn't think that she could stand having the dreams again. The anniversary of James' death was a week away; she was sure that she wouldn't survive it and began to make plans for Jamie. Her parents would take care of him as they were the younger of the two sets of parents by several years but James' Parents would have free access as would Wanda.

Barbara and Ben worriedly watched Toni. She still refused to allow Barbara to call Mason.

"I'm fine so stop worrying" she would say whenever Barbara brought the subject up.

She wasn't fine and they all knew it. James' parents were just as worried.

"Barbara, we've got to do something." Gina, James' mother said.

Barbara told her about Mason.

"I say that we call him now before something horrible happens." Gina said.

Barbara agreed and made the call.

"Dr. Donahue? This is Barbara Hughes Toni's mother. Could we meet? I'm really worried about her."

They agreed to meet at the 'Star Bucks' in an hour. Gina would stay with Toni while the men watched Jamie. Barbara knew that Toni would be angry when she found out but if she wasn't going to take care of herself then she would do it for her.

****

As excited as Mason was to receive the phone call, he was saddened as well. Toni had to be doing worse if her mother called him instead of Toni herself. 

He arrived at the coffee shop early and ordered coffee for the both of them, found a booth in a corner and waited. Barbara arrived a few minutes later.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice." she said as she sat down.

"You're welcome, how is Toni?" Mason asked.

"Not good but she keeps insisting that she's fine. She's having nightmares about James asking her why she let him die. The thing is she thinks that she should have known something and because of that she won't go back to work. She's afraid that she'll miss something and someone will die because of it. She won't talk to anyone and I'm afraid for her." 

"Has she talked about hurting herself?" Mason asked.

"No, but she keeps saying how she doesn't think that she's going to survive next week." Barbara replied. 

"Tell me about her and James." Mason said.

An hour later Mason had a good understanding of James and Toni's relationship. In spite of a rocky courtship the two of them had loved each other deeply. He understood the full consequences of not taking her out for that drink but then maybe it had to be that way, the both of them had some things to learn about themselves.

"I need to talk to her." Mason said.

Barbara hesitated, Toni was going to be very angry but it couldn't be helped.

"When?" she asked.

"Tonight, we have to release some of the pressure that she has built up even if it's her screaming at us. Where's the baby?" Mason asked.

"At home, why?" Barbara asked.

"Is there a part of the house where he can be taken to? I don't want him frightened." Mason replied.

"The basement is fully furnished and it's hard to hear anything down there." Barbara replied.

Just as they were leaving, Mason's cell phone rang. He checked the caller ID and didn't recognize the number. He answered it thinking that it might be Dr. Kirkland.

"Mason! How are you? I'm still angry that you walked away from me." Lydia said.

Fuck! He didn't have time for this.

"Hello Lydia." Mason said politely. "I'm busy at the moment but maybe we could meet later for coffee."

"Not later, now." she demanded.

That told Mason where she was, he'd call Kirkland after he hung up.

"That isn't possible, I'm seeing a client. I'm sure that you understand that the welfare of our clients come before anything else." he replied appealing to the caretaker part of her.

"Alright, when?" she asked.

"How about you give me a number where you can be reached? My client is in a great deal of emotional distress and as you know, these things cannot be rushed." Mason replied trying to keep the impatience out of his voice.

"Fine but I'd better here from you and soon." she said sharply before she hung up.

"Is everything alright?" Barbara asked.

"It's fine, let's go."

***

Toni had just changed for bed when she heard voices coming from the living room, she recognized all but one. She walked to the door and peeked out trying to see who the unknown voice belonged to. Finally she went to the living room to see Mason talking with both sets of parents and holding Jamie.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she walked toward them. When she reached him, she took Jamie away from him and hugged him.

"Toni..." Barbara said.

"I told you that I was fine! I don't need a psychiatrist, I need to be left alone!" she exclaimed.

"That's the last thing that you need." Mason said quietly. He wanted to draw her anger away from the others and toward him.

Toni stared at him in disbelief, "You don't know what I need! You don't know me."

"While it's true that I don't know you, I do know what you need. You need help to get through your grief and I can help you do that." Mason said. "Why don't you give the baby to your mother so that you and I can talk?"

"I don't want to talk about him." Toni replied.

"We don't have to, we can talk about anything you want but give Jamie to one of the others." Mason urged.

Toni reluctantly handed Jamie to whomever as closest and hugged herself as she watched them walk away.

"Do you mind if we sit?" Mason asked.

He waited until Toni was sitting before sitting down himself.

"You've had a very rough year." he commented.

Toni didn't respond but looked down at her hands.

"Did you like Boston?" He asked, "I liked it but I hated the winters." 

No response.

"I moved here not that long ago, I used to live near LA. I still have a home there. Have you been to LA yet?" he asked.

"I know what you're doing, I did my psych rotation." Toni said flatly.

"I'm just making conversation." Mason replied.

"No, you're not." Toni said, "You're trying to get me to talk and it's not going to work so see yourself out."

"Toni, you're hurting Jamie." Mason said. It was a low blow but it had the desired effect.

"I'm not hurting Jamie!" she retorted.

"By not taking care of yourself, you're hurting him." Mason said.

Toni stared at him; she wasn't hurting Jamie was she? Her parents were here to help take care of him so that... tears ran down her face as she realized that she hadn't been a real mother to Jamie since James died and that was James' fault. If he hadn't left her, if he ...., if he, if he what? If he hadn't loved her so damned much and made her love him just as much she wouldn't be hurting as badly as she was. It was irrational to blame him for dying but she did it anyway and she blamed herself.

Mason watched Toni carefully for signs of a mental break relieved when he saw no symptoms but was heartbroken at the deep pain that Toni was in. There was nothing that he could do to alleviate that pain; she had to go through it just as he had to go through the pain of losing Katrina.

Toni's heart ached so badly that she felt as if it was in a vise that was being tightened beyond endurance. From somewhere deep inside of her she felt a rage build. It was a rage directed at James and herself for not saving him. From a distance, she heard someone scream only vaguely aware that it was her that she was hearing.



Mason Ch. 07



Mason caught Toni as she slid from the couch to the floor. He heard someone come into the room and waved them away before she saw them. He held Toni against his chest as she screamed, cried and cursed at him, James and God. He didn't stop her when she began to hit him in anger, as a matter of fact he didn't even speak to her.

"You fucking lied to me!" she screamed several times as she pounded Mason's chest with her fist. She wasn't hurting him but he was concerned about her hurting herself. It was a long time before she started to wind down but still Mason held her.

When she quieted, Mason carefully loosened his hold on her and spoke to her.

"Toni?" he called softly.

Toni looked at him and then scrambled away before standing up and walking to her room without looking back.

Barbara came into the living room with a concerned expression on her face.

"Where is she?" she asked.

"In her room but alright for the moment. Keep an eye on her though she's very angry at James and if she hurts herself it's going to be a spontaneous act and not a planned one. Let me ask you a question that you may not know the answer to, I know that Toni feels that she should have saved James but there's more to it than that. Do you know what that might be?" Mason asked.

Barbara sat down and indicated to Mason that he should do the same.

"I think that part of her guilt is because she feels that she robbed them of more time together." Barbara said.

Mason listened as Barbara explained their relationship which consisted of a series of breakups and reconciliations that spanned a three year period.

"And then suddenly she was totally in love with him, I can't explain it and neither could she but do you see how she would feel guilty?" Barbara asked.

Mason did and he said so.

"We have to get her to start talking." Mason said, "Did James leave anything for her or did she keep any mementoes?" he asked.

"The only thing that I know of is that he made several videos of himself that she got after he died. He gave them to his attorney to give to her if anything happened to him." Barbara said.

"Has she watched them?" Mason asked.

"Not really, she puts the first one in and turns it off after a few minutes. Why?"

"I think that the key is going to be in her watching those videos." Mason replied. "But she's not ready to do that just yet. Don't force it and don't bring it up unless she does. If she watches one, don't comment." He advised. 

"What else can we do?" Barbara asked.

"Love her as you've been doing and call me for anything at anytime." he said as he stood.

"Oh, you need a ride back, let me get my coat." Barbara said.

"No need, I had someone bring my car for me. Please don't hesitate to call me." Mason reiterated as Barbara walked him to the door.

Toni heard her mother's voice but couldn't hear what was being said. She lay on the bed and held James' pillow tight against her chest and cried herself to sleep. The dream was the same but with a difference, Gina; James' mother was screaming at her asking the same question that James always asked when the dream was about him, "Why did you let him die?"

Mason walked to his car and pulled out his cell phone, as he suspected Lydia had called him several times and left several messages both voice and text. He called her back as he drove.

"Lydia, I'm sorry to get back to you so late but as I mentioned I have a very emotionally distraught client, so what can I do for you?" he asked.

"Meet me for coffee." she replied.

"Certainly, where would you like to meet?" he asked.

Lydia gave him an address in an area that he was familiar with. 

"I know the area, are we meeting at 'The Brew'? He asked.

"You know it?"

"Yes I do, they have the best croissants that I've ever had. I should be there in fifteen minutes."

He hung up and called Dr. Kirkland and gave him the address.

"Please don't let her get away again." Mason said and hung up.

He had no intention of going to the coffee shop but on a whim, he went and saw Lydia waiting for him. He parked, got out and walked toward her.

"You came!" Lydia said.

"Of course, I believe that I owe you an apology for the way I treated you when we last saw each other." he said. "May I buy you a coffee?" he asked.

They chatted for several minutes with Mason including an apology that made Lydia melt. By the time he was finished Dr. Kirkland had arrived with an assistant. Lydia smiled at him when she saw him.

"Dr. Kirkland! Mason and I were just having a nice chat over a cup of coffee and he just apologized for being so rude to me. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Lydia..." The doctor started but stopped when he saw Mason's warning glance.

"That is wonderful! Why don't you come with me and tell me all about it?" he asked as he held his hand out to her.

"I have to go now, you don't mind do you?" Lydia asked Mason.

"Not at all and thank you for meeting with me." Mason said standing up.

"Damn." he muttered as they walked away, she had literally only wanted an apology from him. He shook his head and finished his coffee. He needed to get home and figure out what his next step with Toni was going to be.

He was sure that she wouldn't deliberately hurt herself but her grief, guilt and anger was so deep and she hadn't even begun to let James go. He was curious as to what was on those videos, if he knew that he might know how much he could push her and it would give him a much better understanding of their marriage. He looked at the clock, it was much too late to call her mother and ask for the discs but if he had them Toni wouldn't be able to look at them if she felt so led to do so. That meant that he had to watch them there but maybe not. He had been invited into her house and wouldn't need to be invited in again, he could go in and get them and bring them back. Tonight he would come back to see Toni, wait until everyone was asleep and get the videos and take them back before morning.

***

Toni sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. What had her mother been thinking in bringing that man here? What part of she didn't need help were they not understanding? She smelled coffee brewing and knew that her parents were up. She stomped into the kitchen prepared to yell and scream until she saw Jamie in her mother's arms decorating pancakes with cherries and whipped cream to make smiley faces.

"Your mommy used to like to make these too." Barbara said to Jamie. "Maybe she'll be up soon and we can make one for her." she added.

Toni swallowed her anger and said, "I'm up."

Barbara turned around and smiled at her.

"Good morning! Jamie just made a smiley face pancake for you." 

Toni fought back tears as she looked at the pancake. She took Jamie from her mother's arms and kissed him.

"Thank you baby sweetness" Toni said calling him the name that James used to call him. "Want to share?" she asked as she sat down.

Barbara watched as Toni and Jamie shared a pancake and then made another one. It was a step, a tiny one but Barbara believed in claiming the small victories. 

After she and Jamie ate, Toni pulled her mother aside.

"Mom, I know that you're trying to help but you had no right bringing him here after I told you that I don't need help..."

"You look here," Barbara said firmly. "Don't you tell me what I have the right to do and what I don't. Ever since James died, I've watched you die a little each day and no I don't know what its like to lose a man who was a lover, a husband and a friend but I do know that you're hurting and the pain isn't getting less it's getting worse with each day that we come closer to the day that you buried James. I told you before that if you aren't going to take care of yourself then I was going to do it for you until you woke up and started being a mother to that little boy and started taking care of yourself. If you're mad about it then be mad because that's the way it is and let me remind you of something, James loved you and he would not and I repeat he would not want you doing what you're doing. He would want you to live, to go back to work and do what you're good at. If you can't cope he would want you to talk to someone and I think that he would choose that man that was here last night. Now I'm done talking." Barbara said and stomped away.

It had been a long time since Toni had seen that side of her mother and she had to agree with her on one point, she had to start being a mother to Jamie starting now.

She went back to her room, took a shower and put on real clothes for the first time in months and went to find Jamie. 

"Mommy!" he called when he saw her. Toni almost cried at the joy that she heard in his voice when he said her name. 

"Come here." Toni said holding her arms out to him. "I love you." she said.

"Love you." Jamie said hugging her back.

It struck Toni that she had missed out on almost a year of Jamie's life because of her anger and grief; she had some things to make up for.

Barbara and Ben watched and breathed a small sigh of relief, they weren't out of the woods just yet but it was a start.

Later while Jamie was napping, Toni talked with her parents.

"I... I wanted to thank you for dropping everything and coming here to take care of Jamie and me. I know that I haven't.... that it hasn't been easy and ... mom, I miss him and I don't know if I'll ever stop but I'll try to rejoin the human race because... James would want me to and because Jamie needs me."

Barbara listened to Toni talk and for the most part believed her but there was something that she couldn't quite put her finger on. Maybe it was because the turn around had been too fast, last night she was on the floor in the arms of a man that she had only met once screaming in pain, anger and misery and today she's was ready to reenter the world. Maybe it was because of what she had said to her in the morning but she didn't think so, her nurses' instinct was kicking in and she was now almost as worried as she was before. She was going to call Mason, the best thing he could tell her was not to worry so much but she needed to hear it from him.

She made an excuse to go to the store so that she could talk in private. She drove to the closest grocery store and parked before calling Mason.

Mason had just logged off of his laptop when his cell phone rang.

"Mason Donahue." He said in a very business like tone.

"Dr. Donahue? It's Barbara Greene, Toni's mother."

"Good morning and please call me Mason. How's Toni this morning?" he asked.

"That's why I'm calling. Either you're a miracle worker or there's something else going on." she said.

Mason listened as she told him about the conversation that she had with Toni in the morning and then what Toni told her and her husband not long ago. 

"What do you think? Am I worrying over nothing?" Barbara asked.

Mason took a moment to think before replying.

"It sounds like she's doing whatever it is she thinks everyone else wants including James in the hopes that everyone will do what she wants and that's to leave her alone. The problem is that it doesn't deal with the deep grief, anger, and sense of guilt that she feels. However I do believe that she'll do her best for the baby because he needs her whereas the rest of us don't or so she thinks. The good thing is that Jamie will keep her grounded and here with us but I want to caution you against pushing her too hard. I plan to stop by later this evening." Mason said.

"Is it alright to tell her?" Barbara asked.

"Yes, I don't want her to feel ambushed, I'll see you tonight." he said and then hung up.

Barbara almost forgot that she was supposed to be getting something at the store and ran in to buy a few things.

When she got back Toni was in the yard with Jamie. She debated as to when she should tell her that Mason was coming by and decided that there was no time like the present.

"Honey, I talked to Dr. Donahue, he said that he'll be by later to see you."

Barbara saw Toni tense and waited for the response that never came. Toni kept pushing Jamie on the swing for several minutes before she turned around with a fake smile plastered on her face. The smile only became real when she looked at Jamie, it was then that Barbara realized that Mason had been right on the money and that she Barbara had pushed too hard in her attempts to help.

Toni took Jamie into the house and handed him to her father before going into her room and falling apart, she couldn't pretend that she was ready to reenter the world when she wasn't. James would have understood that but he wasn't here. She would do the only thing that she could do and that was care for their son and that had to be enough. The anniversary of James' burial was four days away and she had no idea of how she was going to get through it. She had planned to visit his grave site alone but his parents already told her that they wanted to go with her and she was too tired to argue with them. She just wanted to talk to him, maybe he would hear her, she wanted to hear him tease her about her cooking skills or lack thereof, damn it! She wanted him back. She wanted those years that she had robbed them of while she was so busy being selfish and was too stupid to realize that she really loved him. She wanted to tell him how sorry she was that she couldn't save him and how much she loved him.

But the time for that was gone, she would never get to tell him how she felt. Toni curled into a ball and cried. She never heard her father come in, didn't feel him sit on the bed and didn't fight as he took her into his arms as she cried her heart out. He didn't tell her what she should be doing or what James would have wanted her to do, she knew all of that. Her father did the one thing that she needed more than anything else at that moment, he let her cry. When she was done, he tucked her in, kissed her head and left softly closing the door behind him.

Toni slept for three hours, it was the first dreamless sleep that she had since James died. She remembered that she used to call her father the magic dream man because whenever she had a bad dream, he would do just as he had done for her tonight. He didn't try to explain why she had the bad dream because it didn't matter but what did matter was that she was afraid. He would hold her until she stopped shaking and then tuck her in just as he had done tonight and the bad dream didn't come back.

Toni got out of bed and took a shower giving her hair a good wash and extra conditioning, after the shower she washed and moisturized her face and then oiled her body. She had lost weight, James would have... she stopped herself from completing the thought. She dressed in a pair of jeans that were now two sizes too big and an oversized tee shirt. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and went to the living room to see Mason playing on the floor with Jamie.

"Hi." she said softly.

Mason looked up at her and smiled.

"Hi, how are you feeling?" he asked as he caught a ball that Jamie threw at him.

"A little better." she replied.

"Really? Or are you giving me the answer that you think I want to hear?" he asked.

Toni hesitated as she thought about his question.

"Really, I'm a little better."

"Good." Mason said turning his attention back to Jamie.

Toni sat on the couch furthest away from Mason and watched him play with Jamie.

"You have children?" she asked.

"No I haven't been blessed with either a wife or children." he replied.

Which was a lie, at least the wife part of it was but this wasn't about him and his fuck ups and it kept things simple.

"You're good with them." Toni said.

"I like kids." Mason replied. "And Jamie here is a good boy." Mason added.

Mason stayed for another twenty minutes and then left. Toni looked better, her hair and skin weren't as dull but she had lost too much weight but none of that was important, getting her through the anniversary date of her husband's burial was. He wondered if she was going to go to the grave site, it could be therapeutic for her if she did. He would call Barbara and ask her and go from there and alert her to keep an eye on Toni, he had the feeling that this was the calm before the storm.

*****

Toni became more apprehensive as the anniversary date of James' funeral approached. Tomorrow was it and she still had no idea of how she was going to get through it. For just a brief second, rage flared at him, that he would dare leave them. The rage was followed by intense sorrow; somehow she had to let him go. Maybe tomorrow she could and then she could move on. Move on to what? She asked herself as she looked at the outfit that she was going to wear tomorrow.

Toni sighed and headed toward the kitchen, she had been making an effort to eat meals with Jamie even though she herself wasn't hungry. Her mother stopped telling her what she needed to be doing in order to move on and Toni suspected that her father had something to do with that.

She still wished that she was going to the gravesite alone; she had so much that she wanted to say. Telling James how pissed at him she was at him was one thing but she didn't know how to tell her parents and his parents that she didn't want them there. She would just have to go another time she decided as she threw on an oversized tee shirt and finished getting ready for supper.

She stopped in the hallway when she heard Mason's voice. Why was he here again? She wondered. She took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen to see Mason holding Jamie. When Jamie saw her, he struggled to get down and ran to her once his feet hit the floor.

"Mommy!" he squealed.

Toni scooped him up in her arms and kissed him before greeting Mason.

"Hello." Toni said not really looking at him.

"Hello, I was wondering if I could have a word with you." Mason said.

"Oh, well we're about to have supper and...."

'It'll wait." Barbara said.

Toni shot her mother an angry glance but put Jamie on the floor and headed toward the living room.

"What do you want?" Toni asked.

"To see how you're doing." Mason replied not at all put of by her curt tone.

"I'm just peachy keen." she replied sarcastically.

Mason didn't respond for a moment.

"Will you talk to him?" he asked.

The question caught Toni completely off guard.

"I, I don't know." she replied.

Mason didn't say anything for several seconds.

"I am told that it can be freeing to talk to a loved one even though they are no longer with us." he said.

"Have you lost someone?" Toni asked.

"Yes." Mason replied thinking about Katrina.

"Did you talk to them?"

"Yes." Mason replied not telling her that Katrina was alive and well. He really hadn't lied, he did lose Katrina and he did talk to her and made his peace.

"Did it help you?" Toni asked.

"It did." Mason replied.

Toni looked away and then looked back at Mason.

"What do I say?" she asked, the earlier sarcasm gone from her voice.

"Whatever you want including how angry you are that they're gone. There are no rules as to what is acceptable and what isn't, it's all about what's inside of you." Mason said.

Toni bit her lip to fight back a tear.

"I want to talk to him but... everyone will be there."

Mason understood. There were things that no one else needed to hear but she couldn't ask or tell their parents that she didn't want them there. James was lost to them as well.

"If you want, I could take you tonight." Mason said.

"I can't ask you to do that." Toni said surprised.

"You didn't ask, I'm offering. Would you like to go tonight?"

Toni looked toward the kitchen and then back at Mason trying to figure out why he was being so nice to her. This was far above what he was obligated to do for someone that he really didn't know.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

"You needed help and it's what I do." Mason replied without hesitation. 




Mason Ch. 07



Toni looked at him not quite believing him but made her decision.

"Thank you. Let me tell my parents that I'm leaving."

Fifteen minutes later, Mason was driving Toni to the cemetery. He parked as close to the site as he could and waited in the car as Toni walked to the site and sat on the ground in front of the headstone.

Toni sat down, reached out and ran her hand over the headstone softly saying James' name as she traced the letters of his name with her finger. For several minutes, she didn't say anything not knowing where to start and then decided to start with the present.

"I am so fucking mad at you! You weren't supposed to leave me and Jamie, we were supposed to watch him grow up, go to college, get married and have babies for us to spoil. We were supposed to get old and call each other old man and old woman like they did on 'The Walton's'. This isn't supposed to be happening! We're supposed to be at home with Jamie getting him ready for bed so that we could make love. I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TALKING TO YOUR DAMNED HEADSTONE!" she screamed at the headstone as tears ran down her face. "I miss you." she sobbed softly. "And so does Jamie. Remember the man that helped me get you home that night you got shit faced drunk the night I broke up with you? I guess you wouldn't, I'd never seen you so drunk but anyway, he's here and he's trying to help me get over losing you but I don't think that I can or ever will. You were the best part of us, you had so much faith in me and that I would learn to love you. Do you know what really hurts? What really hurts is that I in my fear or stubbornness or a combination of the two robbed us of three years together. It wouldn't have made this any easier but we would have had that time.

I am so sorry that I robbed us of that time. I am so sorry that I put you through so much before I saw sense and James? Even though I didn't always act like it, I loved you. I don't know why I was so scared by that, maybe it was because I was afraid of something like this happening. But as angry as I am and as much as I hurt right now, I wouldn't trade any of our time together."

Toni stopped talking for a few minutes before continuing.

"The past year has been one of the most difficult times of my life. Even now I still expect to hear you walk through the door calling out hey sweetness, I'm home! Remember that mess that Jamie and I cooked up? I got the recipe from the food channel? You were ready to call HAZMAT. I miss those times; I miss the jokes about my cooking. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel guilty because I couldn't save you. Every day I replay the weeks before you died in my head and try to figure out what I missed and I keep coming up empty handed.

But I didn't miss anything did I? And you knew. You knew that you were going to leave us, that's why you made the videos and why you had such a hard time going back to work and if I think about it, I knew too. That's why I wanted to stay at home with you and Jamie; I just didn't want to acknowledge it. James, I'm scared."

Toni stopped talking again because she was crying again.

"I'm scared because I don't know what to do now that I can finally tell myself that you're not coming back to us. I wish that I could see and hear you one more time but that isn't possible is it?" she asked sadly. "I promise that Jamie will know who you were and how much you loved us. We'll be back tomorrow so that our parents can visit with you; I just needed this time alone with you. I hope that you're someplace good, where you're healthy and doing all of the things that you love. Good night baby, I love you."

Toni sat by the headstone for another ten minutes before she got up and went to the car. She had just begun to heal even if it didn't feel like it.

*****

Mason's phone rang several times as he waited for Toni. When he saw the ID he groaned and then cursed. Lydia. He ignored the call the first two times and answered on the third, he needed to know where she was.

"Hello Lydia."

"Mason! You didn't answer my last two calls."

"I apologize but I was with a client, what can I do for you?" he asked.

"I just wanted to thank you again for meeting me. How is your client?" she asked.

"Getting better, you know that losing a loved one can be such as hard thing to adjust to." Mason replied.

"Oh dear." Lydia replied. "I am sorry for her, it is a her is it not?"

Mason saw red flags. 

"Ah, no." He replied.

"Hmmm, well at any rate, I have another reason for calling." Lydia replied.

"Yes?"

"I thought that we got along quite well didn't you?" Lydia asked.

Shit.

"It was nice to have coffee with you." Mason replied cautiously.

"Maybe we could do it again sometime? After all we are both unmated." Lydia said.

Fuck.

"Well, as tempting as that is, I must decline. I am recovering from a loss myself and need more time alone, I'm sure that you understand." Mason said.

Lydia hesitated.

"Of course I do! Perhaps you would like to talk about it over dinner?'

Fuck. Fuck.

"Why don't we do this, if and when I'm ready to talk with someone, I'll give you a call?" Mason said as he kept his eyes peeled on Toni.

"Alright." Lydia said. "Call me soon." she said and hung up.

As soon as Lydia hung up, Mason called Dr. Kirkland.

"Mason Donahue here, please tell me that you have Lydia Smythe in your custody." He said not giving the man a chance to respond.

"Dr. Donahue? Yes we have her why?"

"Because she just called me is why, she wants us to get together." Mason replied.

"Well, she's become quite fixated on you..."

"I really don't give a fuck! Just keep an eye on her!" Mason snapped and hung up.

Mason watched Toni as she talked to her dead husband and hoped that she felt a measure of peace.

*****

The drive back to Toni's house was quiet. Mason left Toni alone with her thoughts but sensed that she did indeed feel slightly better. It wasn't over by a long shot but she had made a start toward reentering the world without James.

"Thank you." Toni said when Mason pulled into her driveway.

"You're more than welcome." Mason said as he got out of the car.

Toni waited for Mason to open the car door for her; James did things like that for her. At first she thought that he just did it to piss her off but she soon came to realize that he was raised to be a gentleman and she grew to like being treated as a lady. She smiled as she remembered all of the jealous looks that she used to get whenever they were out together.

Mason walked her to the door and handed her another card.

"I don't sleep well at night so if you need to talk, call me."

Toni took the card and looked at it. She wondered what he charged not that money was an issue; James had made sure that it wasn't but the man had to be paid.

"Send the bill here and I'll make sure that you get paid." Toni said.

Mason started to object and thought better of it. If he declined payment, she would want to know why and they were a long ways from that.

"I'll send one to you this week." he said and then bid her a good night.

****

Jamie was already tucked in when Toni went inside.

"We read to him already." Gina said looking up when Toni walked into the living room.

"Thank you." Toni said avoiding Gina's eyes.

She knew that Gina blamed her for James' death even if she never said anything. It was in the way that she looked at her and in the tone that she spoke to her just like now. Toni even knew that to some degree Gina never really believed that she loved James even though Barbara and she had become friends. Toni also realized that she and Gina had never really talked other than superficially and about Jamie but they never talked about James.

Toni sat down on the couch next to Gina and looked over at her.

"I really did love him." Toni said softly, "and if I could have saved him, I would have."

Gina looked at Toni but didn't speak.

"I miss him so much and if I could wish for anything at all it would be for him to walk through that door. I know that you don't believe that and I know that you never really believed that I loved James but I did and I do just as I know that you loved him and love him still. I can only tell you how sorry I am that I was unable to save him and that I relieve those days everyday wondering what I missed or what I could have done to keep him here with us. Tonight, I realized that there was nothing that I could have done to change what happened. It doesn't make it any easier to accept but..."

"When James first told us about you, I was angry and upset. I even remember asking him if that school didn't have any nice white girls but I adjusted and as you know, your mother and I have become good friends. Even so, I questioned whether you really loved James, if his money was the attraction. Robert never doubted that you loved him and didn't have a big problem with you from the start but... 

When James got sick that first time, you saved him. You saw something and you acted on it, why not this time? Why couldn't you have saved him a second time?"

Toni didn't know what to say. She had no answers.

"Gina, I have no answers. I don't know why I didn't see that there was something wrong but you have to know that if I had seen something, I would have acted. I loved him." Toni said crying again. "There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him."

Gina moved closer to Toni and hugged her; the two women sat on the couch grieving together. 

"Toni, I'm sorry that I thought that you really didn't love James. I can see that you did and that you still do, he loved you too."

Toni closed her eyes in relief, another step toward putting James to rest had just occurred.

****

Mason went home and hoped that Toni would be alright. He sensed that she would be but things could change so quickly. Tomorrow was going to be a long day for her and he wished that he could be with her; he thought about going to her house tomorrow night and decided against it. She needed time to complete the grieving process on her own. If there were any problems he was confident that her mother would call him. 

Mason loosened his tie on his way to the kitchen; he stopped at the bottom of the stairs leading to his room. Someone was here. He vanished from where he stood to outside of his room, he slowly opened the door to see none other than Lydia lying stark naked on his bed.

"What the fuck? How'd you.... Never mind, get dressed." Mason said firmly.

"I thought that I could help you feel better." Lydia said pouting.

"Lydia, I don't want you here now get dressed." Mason said as he called Dr. Kirkland.

"Dr. Donahue, I was about to..."

"She's at my home, now get your asses here and get her!" Mason yelled into the phone.

Lydia watched Mason her eyes narrowed.

"You're doing it again." she said icily.

Mason looked at her and decided that he had had enough. He sat down on a chair and looked at Lydia.

"What is it that you really want from me?" he asked. "And don't hand me that shit about a mate because we both know that it isn't going to happen so what do you want?" he asked again.

Lydia didn't answer him but got dressed and sat on the bed.

When Dr. Kirkland arrived to get her, she didn't speak but left without a fuss. Mason hoped that he never saw or heard from her again.

****

Toni slept very little; she spent the night thinking about James. Talking to him and then Gina had helped and she suspected that she would hurt for a very long time. She glanced at the outfit that she was going to wear and decided not to wear it. James had always liked her in yellow although she never understood why. Of all of the colors with maybe the exception of pink, yellow was her least favorite.

She got out of bed and went to the half empty walk in closet and pulled out the dress that James picked out for her for one of their weekly dates. She would wear that she decided as she looked for the matching shoes. She put the black pant suit in the closet and hung the dress in its place.

The next morning, everyone was in the kitchen waiting for her to come out. When she came out wearing the yellow dress, everyone looked at her.

"James picked this dress out for me for one of our dates, he... he liked me in yellow." Toni said by way of explanation.

"You look lovely." Gina said as she held out her hand.

"Mommy pretty." Jamie said.

"And you are a very handsome young man." Toni said as she bent down to give him a kiss.

The time at the cemetery wasn't as stressful as it could have been and Toni knew that it was because she was able to spend time alone here. Toni waited until everyone had their time and took Jamie by the hand and led him to the headstone.

"This is where your papa is, well his body anyway. The real him, his soul and spirit are up in heaven and he's watching us even now. He would want me to tell you that he loves you and that he is so proud of you."

Toni hugged Jamie to her as she said a final good bye to James; she felt a stab in her heart as she let him go. As the tears fell, she felt warmth on her neck. It was on the spot where James had always kissed her when they left for work in the mornings. He had just kissed her good bye.

Two weeks later

Toni still cried whenever she thought of James but she was able to say his name and she was able to say that he died instead of he went away. Slowly her appetite got better and she smiled on occasion but she found the nights to be the worst. The nightmares no longer plagued her but she still woke up expecting to find him next to her, when she realized that she was alone, she would cry herself back to sleep only to wake up again to find herself in the bed alone.

One morning, she was home alone. Her parents had taken Jamie to the park and were going to do some shopping afterwards. Toni looked up and saw the box of videos that James had made for her and Jamie. She recalled wishing that she could see him and hear his voice again and now she could if she was brave enough. She dried her hands on her jeans and took the box down. After for what seemed to be an eternity, she took out the first disc and put it in the player and hit play.

"Hi Sweetness..."

And she lost it but she let the disc play all the way through. She played the disc over and over until she could watch it without falling apart. When she could do that, then she could really listen to what James was saying, she could watch the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled or laughed. Her parents and Jamie came home to find her watching the disc.

"Papa!" Jamie said and sat down next to Toni.

"Yes, baby, that's papa." she said hugging him.

****

Mason hadn't seen nor talked to Toni since the night he took her to the cemetery, that had been four months ago. He periodically talked with Barbara who told him that Toni was slowly reemerging into the world and that she had finally watched all of the videos except for the last one. James had made it two weeks before he died. Mason cautioned Barbara not to force it.

"She'll watch it when she's ready." he told her.

*****

"Honey, why don't you do something fun?" Barbara asked Toni one night.

"Like what?" Toni asked.

"I don't know, maybe a movie?"

"I don't feel like it and I don't like going to movies alone." Toni replied.

She knew what was coming. Her mother had been hinting that maybe she should get back into the social scene. It was too soon, James had only been gone for a year and a half.

"I saw a poster at the supermarket about a singles group, they go dancing and things like that, maybe you should check it out." Barbara said as she loaded the dishwasher.

"Mom, I'm not ready for that so can we please drop it?" 

"I'm just saying..."

"I know what you're saying and I'm just not ready for that." Toni repeated trying to keep the impatience out of her voice. She also knew what was coming next.

"Your father and I have been talking; this is an awfully big house maybe you should sell it...."

"No."

"But..."

"I'm not selling my house. James bought this house for me and I'm not selling it." Toni said and walked out of the kitchen and into her room.

Barbara cursed at herself, she had done it again. In her desire to see Toni happy she had pushed too hard, she thought to go to apologize but decided to wait until later when Toni wouldn't be so upset.

Toni knew that her mother meant well but she had to do things on her own timetable like that last video disc. It was the only one that she hadn't watched. The others she had watched several times alone and with Jamie, every time she watched them she became more aware of just how much James loved them and if there were any way possible, he wouldn't have left them. Over the past months, her anger at him slowly dissipated with the help of the videos, the pain in her heart was now a dull ache that could escalate without warning into a full blown pain that took her breath away.

****

Mason continued to see clients human and vampire both to fill his time, he still hadn't seen nor talked to Toni. He also hadn't heard from Lydia although he called to check on her whereabouts frequently. Kirkland had finally gotten smart and taken Lydia to a maximum security psychiatric hospital for vampires. From time to time she still asked about and for him but he never called or went to see her, that would just be asking for trouble.

One evening as he was finishing his notes, his phone rang.

"Dr. Donahue?" a female voice said.

Toni.

"Toni?" Mason asked. "Is everything alright?"

"As well as can be expected I guess." Toni replied.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

"You never sent me a bill for your services."

"Oh, an oversight on my part. I'll mail it tomorrow." Mason said.

"That's fine. Thank you." And she hung up.

Mason absently tapped his fingers on his desk as he wondered about what he should do. Toni was his mate of that he had no doubt even though she still didn't feel drawn to him. Initially, the problem had been him because he couldn't let Katrina go, and then Toni hadn't let James go until a few months ago so that meant that there was still something between them that was keeping them apart. But what? But there was an important question that he had to ask himself, even if Toni came to him, could he love her as she needed to be loved? James had loved Toni in a way that he hadn't been capable of at the time. He also remembered Eustace telling him that when he turned Toni down for a drink that night, he had in essence released her to be loved by someone else-James so what if James hadn't released Toni? It was definitely food for thought.

The next question was this, what could he do if James hadn't released her? Would he have to do what Ethan did with Katrina and woo her in the human way? It was a possibility he supposed and not an unwelcome one. There had to be a reason for why he didn't feel more of a pull toward her. The next question he had to ask himself was, had he truly let Katrina go? 

Mason closed his eyes and searched himself, there was that little part of him that no one would be able to touch but then Toni also had a part of her that would never belong to anyone else but James. That put them on an equal playing field more or less. Did he feel threatened by not having all of her? No, he didn't. He actually owed James a debt of gratitude for the way that he had cared for and loved Toni.

He went down a mental check list making sure that there was nothing on his end that he needed to rectify and came up with nothing but then he wasn't an objective observer. He picked up the phone and called Eustace.

"Mason! How are you?" Eustace said when he answered he phone.

"I'm good; I'm assuming that the mated life agrees with you?" Mason asked.




Mason Ch. 07



"It does thanks to you. What's new on your end?" Eustace asked.

Mason filled him in on the situation with Toni.

"Damn, I'm sorry." Eustace said meaning it.

"She's finally getting better but I have a question for you and I want the truth and don't sugarcoat it either." Mason said. "Is there something about me that would or could block a mating?"

"You mean aside from being big and ugly?" Eustace teased.

"Ha ha very funny." Mason grumbled.

"Just teasing but seriously, I can't think of anything. But let me ask you something, she's said her goodbye's right?"

"Yes." Mason replied.

"Maybe he hasn't released her yet. But can I make a suggestion?" Eustace asked.

"Sure, I'm open for suggestions." Mason replied.

"Relax." Eustace said.

"I do relax, what in the hell are you talking about?" 

"Every time I've seen you you're dressed in a shirt and tie even when you're at home." Eustace said

"What's wrong with that?" Mason asked curtly.

"Nothing if you want to give the impression that you don't know how to relax and have fun. I don't know much about Toni but it sounds like that's what she's going to need and it also sounds like you're going to have to do things the hard way until you figure out what's blocking the pull of mates." Eustace said.

"I had assumed as much." Mason replied.

"One more question." Eustace said, "and I'm sure that its going to piss you off, but here it goes, are you sure that Toni is your mate or are do you want her to be because you're not quite over Katrina?"

"Believe it or not that was one of the many questions that I asked myself today so I'm not pissed off. I am one-hundred percent sure that Toni is my mate. I am equally as sure that I am over Katrina, as you know there's that tiny part of me that will always belong to her just as James will always have a part of Toni and I'm good with that. It would be unreasonable and stupid to expect her to forget him and what she had with him. Am I ready to say that I love her? No, I'm not. Do I think that it will happen? I do, maybe not soon but it will happen." Mason replied.

"Alright then here's some advice, first of all get your ass to the mall and buy some casual clothes. I bet your ass has never seen the inside of a pair of jeans. If you want some help, I'm sure that the ladies at the store will be more than happy to assist you or Gretchen can help. The second thing is talk to Ethan, by the time he and Katrina mated; he had the human thing down pat. Good luck and call us if you want us to go shopping with you." Eustace said laughing.

"Eustace?"

"What?"

"Fuck off!" Mason said and hung up chuckling.

*****

He lied Toni thought to herself after she spoke to Mason; the question was why he had lied and why was she so certain that he had.



Mason Ch. 08



Toni looked at herself in the mirror. She was finally going back to work after two years and she was nervous. She decided to switch to night shift since she hadn't slept well since James died; she also decided not to work her shifts in a row thinking that it would be better for Jamie that way. The nights that she worked her parents watched him with James' parents watching him whenever they were in town. Overall, it looked like a good set up.

Since she had been gone for so long, she had to go through the whole hospital orientation thing again, and fortunately, they had one in the evening. After this, the rest of the orientation would be during the day, which didn't exactly thrill Toni, but it was what it was.

One of the things that she dreaded the most was the sympathetic looks and pats on the arm, back or shoulder. She would have to remember that they meant well and in time, the sympathetic looks would pass. The second anniversary of James' death had just passed and her mother was still hinting that maybe she should start socializing again.

"Mom, please! I don't want or need to socialize!" Toni exclaimed one night.

Usually her father remained silent during these 'talks" but not tonight.

"Barbara." He said softly, "Let it be, when she's ready she'll do something about it."

Both Toni and Barbara looked at Ben in surprise; he only intervened in these conversations when he felt that Barbara was pushing too hard.

"Well it's true." He said as he continued eating his dinner.

That conversation occurred almost two weeks ago and her mother hadn't brought it up since something for which Toni was very grateful.

She could think and talk about James now without bursting into tears and she could watch the videos that James made of himself talking to her and sometimes Jamie with the exception of that last disc. Every night she promised herself that she would watch it and every night she backed out. She didn't understand why that last disc frightened her but it did. She also knew that sometime she was going to have to look at it but not now, she wasn't ready.

******

Mason sat on his patio sipping a long island iced tea; he was casually dressed in blue jeans and a tee shirt. He had taken Eustace's advice to heart and gone shopping and as Eustace said, the women at the store were more than willing to help him shop. As much as he had enjoyed the attention, he wasn't attracted to any of them even though they preened and posed in front of him. When he got home and unpacked his purchases, he found a slip of paper with several names and phone numbers on it. He gave it a quick glance and threw it away not giving it any further thought. He still laughed when he remembered the first time that he showed up at Eustace's and Gretchen's house dressed in blue jeans and a tee shirt. Eustace and Gretchen were flabbergasted.

"My god Mason!" Gretchen said after he did a 360. "You have one hell of an ass! Oops, sorry sweetheart." she said to Eustace who was laughing. Mason laughed with them and wondered if Eustace knew that he and Gretchen had been intimate. If left to guess, he would have to say yes, Gretchen was into full disclosure. During their time together, she had told him some things that he would rather have not known.

Mason had only seen Toni a handful of times in the past year and it was always 'accidental'. He was glad to see that she was doing better and had come to grips with James' death. Whenever he saw her, he made a point of asking about Jamie and her parents. They always parted on friendly terms but never with the "let's get together" spiel. It just hadn't felt right. 

Mason did find himself thinking of Toni more and more but he wasn't at the point where he could use the word love in the same sentence with her, care was the word that came to his mind when he thought about her. He wondered from time to time if she had ever watched the last disc but suspected that she hadn't. In his hearts of hearts, he believed that whatever was on that disc would determine what would happen with them.

The one thing that he did find out from one of their meetings was that Toni was going back to work after two years. That didn't surprise him but the fact that she would be working nights did.

"I don't sleep so well at night anymore." she told him. "My parents are still with me so they can watch Jamie on the nights that I work.

That got Mason thinking again about working as a consult the hospital provided that he only worked nights. The other stipulation was one that he couldn't make known was that he only wanted to be on call the nights that Toni worked which meant that he would have to use some compulsion with the scheduler.

The day after he found out that Toni would be going back to work, Mason called the hospital and asked if they needed a psychiatrist. After talking with the Director of Medical services Mason went online and filled out the application. He was very specific in saying that he couldn't work days under any circumstances and that he would be willing to work holidays and some weekends. When he finished, he hit the send button and waited.

Mason also followed another piece of advice that Eustace gave him. He called Ethan.

Ethan listened not even trying to hide his amusement.

"So you want to attend Ethan's school of human dating do you?" Ethan asked laughing.

Mason knew that Ethan would find his request funny but he didn't mind too much. It was good to have Ethan back as a true friend.

"Alright already, if you're done cackling are you going to help me or not?" Mason asked.

"Of course, this is going to be fun!" Ethan exclaimed.

"Shit Ethan, I'm not doing this for your entertainment." Mason said mildly irritated.

"Ok." Ethan said stifling his laughter. "Tell me about her." 

An hour later Mason told Ethan everything that he knew about Toni and her subsequent marriage to James because of his decision not to take Toni out for a drink.

"Damn Mason, you've got your work cut out for you but at least you're not starting out the way Katrina and I did. I think your best bet is to do what you're thinking about; getting to know her on a professional level even though, you did have some contact. Just start slow and follow her lead just like you told me to do with Katrina." Ethan replied.

"That's it? That was Ethan's school for human dating? Fuck Ethan, I could have come up with that on my own!" Mason exclaimed.

"What were you expecting? A step-by-step guide? Mason, what worked for Katrina might not work for Toni. That's part of the whole dating thing and I have to admit, I got a rush out of it, like the first time Katrina let me take her out- it gave me a whole new appreciation for what the human males go through. It's hard work but so worth it, in a way I wish we all had to meet our mates that way." Ethan said.

Mason sighed, Ethan right, there was no step-by-step instruction manual. He would have to find his own way just as Ethan and millions of human men before him.

******

Tomorrow night would be Mason's first night; he had already done the required orientation and paperwork but had compelled his way out of the day orientation. Mason found out what Toni's schedule was and signed up for the same nights. His plan was to get to know her on a professional level and then move on from there, the fact that they had met during one of the most painful times in her life was a mixed blessing. His fear was that she would be embarrassed or that she might think that he would talk about her to the other staff, the blessing being that he already had some rapport with her. 

The first night was like first nights anywhere. It was a matter of finding out where things were and who to ask when you couldn't find something. Mason was paired with an attractive female doctor for the first night, it didn't take him long to figure out that she didn't like him. Not that it mattered but he wanted to know why, he had never met the woman before so they had no history; he would have remembered.

During one of their breaks, Mason decided to ask her what the problem was.

"I don't have a problem" she replied.

"Look, Joyce..."

"Dr. Evans if you please." she interrupted.

"Alright Dr. Evans." Mason said coolly. "You can tell me until you're blue in the face that we don't have a problem but I know otherwise and if we're going to be working together we'd better straighten our issues out now."

"Working together?" she asked surprised.

"Yes, I was told that I would be working with another psychiatrist." Mason replied.

"Were you now?" Joyce replied. "When did they tell you this?" she asked.

"When I interviewed a couple of weeks ago why?" Mason asked.

"You've been misled." Joyce said. "You're my replacement." she added.

"What? You're leaving?" 

"Not by choice, just watch your back around here. You start complaining too much and you'll be training your own replacement like I am." Joyce said.

Mason thought back to his interview, he didn't detect any deceit but then he hadn't been looking for any either. His prime objective had been to secure a job at the hospital but he didn't want it at the expense of someone else losing his or her job.

"What kind of things did you complain about?" Mason asked.

"For one thing, they sometimes float staff to the psych unit with little or no training. It's not safe for the patients or the staff. The second thing is at night we're often short staffed which is why they float staff from the other floors instead of hiring the trained staff that we need. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the staff that they send aren't good nurses in their element and they do try but it's only a matter of time before someone gets hurt."

Mason listened to Joyce's words and heard no lie.

"So they fired you for speaking your mind." Mason commented.

Joyce gave him a small smile before replying.

"It was a little bit more than that, I got the nurses riled up about it and they took it to the union."

"And..." Mason said sensing that there was more.

"I gave them my full support and wrote a letter to the hospital board voicing my concerns." Joyce added.

"You don't do anything half-assed do you?" Mason asked.

"Not when I know I'm right." Joyce replied. "I think that they're planning on you being a yes man and they're going to pair you with someone new who won't question what's going on."

"When's your last shift?" Mason asked.

"Next week. Why?"

"Don't pack up your diplomas just yet." he replied.

"Why?" she asked. "What are you going to do?" Joyce asked.

"We should go to our office and work on our schedules." Mason replied standing up.

The next evening Mason waited for the Director of Medical services to come back from a meeting, he had a few things to say to the man.

"I don't like being mislead." Mason said before the man had a chance to sit down."

"Mislead? By whom?" the director replied innocently.

"You. You told me that I would be working with another psychiatrist, you didn't mention that you were firing the current one." Mason replied.

"You didn't need to know that." The director replied curtly.

"I don't agree with you there, but no matter." Mason said. "She stays."

"You are in no position to say who stays and who goes. It would do you well to remember that you are in your probationary period." The director said his tone just as curt as Mason's.

"It would do you well to remember this." Mason said. "I don't need your damned job, I also don't respond well to threats whether they are blatant or implied and I sure as hell don't like being lied to. So I'm going to make a threat of my own and you will respond if you don't want this in the papers. Joyce keeps her job and without repercussions, you will meet with us and discuss our concerns. Once we do that, you will go to the board and pass on our concerns, better yet, you will allow Joyce to express our concerns at the next board meeting. Is that clear?" Mason asked giving the man a little mental push.

To Mason's surprise, the man resisted. Mason gave a harder push almost but not quite to the point of using compulsion. In the end, the director agreed to all of Mason's demands.

Mason found Joyce packing up her things.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm packing." Joyce replied.

"Unpack, you're staying." Mason said as he took a box from the floor and put it on her desk.

"I'm what?" Joyce asked her voice filled with disbelief.

"You're staying. I had a meeting with the Director of Medical services and made him an offer that he couldn't refuse. Not only that, you get to speak at the next board meeting to express your concerns." Mason said.

Joyce was speechless; it was several minutes before she could speak.

"I don't know what to say." she said.

"How about thank you?" Mason teased.

Joyce smiled, "Thank you." she said with a little curtsy.

That had been a week ago; for the most part Mason enjoyed his first week. The biggest issue he had was avoiding the single nurses looking for a rich doctor. Tonight was the first night that he would be working the same shift as Toni. He hadn't seen her to tell her that he was going to be working at the hospital and he was curious as to what her response would be.

*****

Toni finished dressing, went to the kitchen to have dinner with Jamie. She hadn't left him to go to work in almost four years, she was more anxious about it than he was. They finished dinner early enough that they had time to read together and to watch part of one of the videos that James made.

"Papa!" Jamie said excitedly. His reaction was the same no matter how many times he saw the videos. His favorite one was the one in which James was holding him and telling him all of the things that he wished for him. Toni was to the point where she laughed whenever he said to Jamie, "I'll teach you how to cook in case your wife can't cook like your mommy."

Toni was finding it easier to laugh about the things James used to do and say but felt a measure of sadness at the same time. She had come realize that she would always miss him and that she would always love him. Her mistake she realized was in trying to convince herself that she shouldn't be missing him after all of this time. She began to feel more at peace when she admitted to herself that James would always be a part of her life and that went beyond having Jamie in their lives.

Toni kissed Jamie good night and admonished him to be a good boy for "gramma and grampa" before heading out of the door. It occurred to her that she hadn't stepped foot inside of the hospital since James died. Toni felt tears form and forced them back, she was doing this damn it! It wasn't about the money, she never had to work another day in her life but it was about claiming back a part of her life that she had let go. She had to prove to herself that she was a good doctor but sweet Jesus she was scared, her palms were so sweaty that she had to dry them off before gripping the steering wheel in a death grip. The drive to the hospital seemed far to fast, before she knew it; she was parking in one of the spaces designated for physicians. Belatedly she realized that it was same spot that she and James used when they drove in to work together.

Toni sat frozen behind the steering wheel until she willed herself to move. She felt as if her heart was going to burst through her chest as she walked through the parking lot toward the entrance of the hospital. At the door, she stopped and took a deep breath before walking in.

Miraculously, she made it to the doctor's sleeping room without running into anyone. She quickly stashed her lunch in the fridge and then looked around. She and James had spent many hours in a room like this one, if not this one sitting on the cot, holding hands and just talking about whatever came to mind. 

Toni squared her shoulders, made sure that she had her stethoscope and name badge and headed out for her first night of work. It was as she had expected to be, everyone stopping her, patting her back or going so far as to hug her. They meant to be comforting, she knew that but it wasn't helping. Several times she had to excuse herself to avoid the "How's Jamie handling it? Or "are you sure that you're ready to come back?" Questions. More than once having to admit a patient saved her from the nerve-wracking questions and sympathetic looks.

Things were actually going fairly well as far as work was concerned, Toni had become adept at avoiding questions that she was tired of hearing had no desire to answer. There was a lull around two and she decided to go to the sleeping room to eat her lunch and put her feet up. She was barely out of the ER when an ambulance brought in a man of indeterminate age. The man was yelling, screaming obscenities while trying to hit whoever got close enough. The ER physician stood back watching and made no attempts to address the man.

"How'd you get him in the ambulance?" Toni asked as she put on a pair of gloves and walked past the fear paralyzed ER physician. By that time, another physician had appeared and was given a quick update by a nurse who had seen the patient come in.

"Easy." The EMT said, "He was out cold. He came to just as we got him into the hospital."

"Sir, my name is Dr. Jacobson. Are you hurt?" 

The man looked at Toni and made a lunge for her causing her to jump back.

Toni turned to the EMT, "any idea of who he is?" she asked.

"Not a clue. Whoever called 911 was gone by the time we got there." he replied.

"Sir, you're at the hospital...."

That was all she got out before the man lunged for her again and this time almost got a hold of her lab coat. The ER secretary called a code grey-(combative patient) while the EMTs tried to control the man with which they had only marginal success. Security arrived and between them and the EMTs, they managed to get the man onto a gurney and in restraints.

"Let's get some Haldol in this guy, he's a big guy lets go with 1 mg IM and see what he does. Who's on for psych tonight?" Toni asked.

"Some new guy Dr. Donahue with Dr. Evans." someone replied.

Donahue? Toni thought, it couldn't be the same Donahue; he didn't seem the type that would work in a hospital.

"Call them." Toni said looking at the still struggling man.

A few minutes later Mason and Joyce came into the ER, the man while not out cold was considerably calmer and asking to be unrestrained. 

"I promise not to hit anybody! Where's that pretty lady doctor? Tell her I'm sorry if I scared her." 

He sounded perfectly reasonable but Toni and the other doctors were taking no chances. Security remained nearby just in case he became combative again. Is Psych on the way? The doctor who came to assist Toni asked.

"We're here." Mason said in response.

Toni turned toward Mason and stared at him in shock. He acknowledged her with a nod of his head as he approached restrained man.

Toni left the ER in shock, what was he doing here?

******

After the man was stabilized, Mason went in search of Toni. This wasn't exactly how he had planned to let her know that he was working here but maybe it was for the best. The initial meeting was out of the way and he could move forward.

He found Toni in the doctor's lounge sipping a cup of coffee.

"Hello." He greeted as he poured himself a cup of coffee. He made a mental note to bring his own from home. He had forgotten how bad hospital coffee could be.

"Hi." Toni replied. "When did you start?" she asked.

"Last week. I decided to go back to my roots so to speak. I was a hospital psychiatrist before I opened my own practice." Mason said grimacing when he took a sip of the coffee.

Toni noticed and laughed, "I bring my own, even after two years away the coffee hasn't changed."

"I think I'll start doing the same thing. So how's the first night back going?" he asked pushing the cup of coffee away.




Mason Ch. 08



"Not bad." Toni replied. 

She took Mason's coffee cup, took it to the sink and dumped it out. 

"Want some of mine? I've got plenty." she offered.

Mason remembered the last time that he turned her down for a drink and had no desire to make the same mistake twice.

"Thank you, I would like that." he said.

He signed gratefully with the first sip.

"This is so much better, do I taste cinnamon?" he asked.

"You do, my mother has been flavoring her coffee long before 'star bucks' and some of the others made their money doing it." Toni replied.

"How are your parents and Jamie?" Mason asked genuinely interested. He liked Barbara and Ben and Jamie he found to be delightful.

"They're all fine, I think Jamie is dealing with my first night away from home better than I am though." she said with an embarrassed smile. "I've called home once an hour since I got here." she added.

Mason smiled at her, "That's perfectly normal." he said.

"I know, but we'll adjust." she replied as she stood to go. "I'm going to go put my feet up for awhile, see you later."

Mason watched her walk away and realized another mistake that he had made when he first saw Toni, he hadn't seen her uniqueness, he had transferred Katrina's image onto her. They were approximately the same height and weight but that's where the physical similarities ended. Toni's skin tone was a darker, richer brown and her eyes were more almond shaped but a lighter brown. Her lips were slightly fuller than Katrina's and her hair of a coarser grade that she wore cut short. 

Their personalities were not even remotely alike, Katrina was shy and reticent while Toni was outspoken and did well in new situations, tonight proved that. None of those differences took away from Katrina but they were differences that he should have seen the very first time that he laid eyes on Toni. He was beginning to understand Toni's feelings of guilt about wasted time a little more but he also believed that they both needed to take their separate journeys in order to come together. His main regret was that Toni had to go through so much pain. He felt a pang of guilt about that but he was coming to believe more and more that maybe he was supposed to refuse that drink. He simply wasn't ready to love and care for anyone other than Katrina at that time.

"Fucking fates." he muttered as he finished his coffee and went back to work.

******

Toni lay on her cot and wondered why Mason would give up a private practice to come to the hospital. She knew what he said and believed it but there was more to it. It was the same feeling she got when he lied about why he hadn't sent her a bill for his services when he treated her. She also remembered that the check had never been cashed, the next time she saw him, she would ask him about it.

She also wondered why he had never married; he seemed the kind of man that would be good to a woman but then again, maybe not. Maybe Dr. Mason Donahue was a player. She could see that and had no doubt that every nurse that was single was probably trying to think of a reason to call him. It had been that way with James too; at first, it had bothered her until James started teasing her about Jeffrey Nixon RN.

"Come on sweetness." He would say. "Jeffrey Nixon RN has the hots for you. He calls every night that you're on call or when he thinks you are. You should hear his voice when it's me and not you who answers the phone."

Toni hadn't believed him until she started paying closer attention and James had been right. Jeffrey called without fail whenever they took call, after that she stopped commenting on the number of calls James got from what she teasingly called his "adoring fans."

Toni was finding that remembering the things that they had talked about or even fought about were becoming a source of comfort to her although there was still a small amount of pain that came with that comfort. She was finally healing.

The end of the shift was over. She reported off as fast as she could and rushed home to find Jamie already up and waiting for her with smiley faced pancakes ready. Toni dropped her bag, hugged and kissed him all over his face until giggling he wriggled away from her.

"I missed you!" she told him as she grabbed him again.

"How'd it go?" Barbara asked.

"Ok but I'm glad that I'm not working my nights in a row." Toni replied as she kissed her mother and then her father on the cheek. "You won't believe whose working there now, Mason Donahue. I saw him last night." Toni added as she sat down to share a pancake with Jamie.

"Really?" her mother said. "I thought that he was strictly private practice." she added.

"So did I but he said something about going back to his roots." Toni replied before taking a sip of milk.

At the mention of Mason's name, Barbara got a good feeling and smiled. Ben noticed and knew what that smile meant. Barbara was going to try to play matchmaker, she had done it before and with bad results and a very angry Toni to boot. Ben shook his head no and mouthed the word at the same time both of which Barbara chose to ignore.

As soon as Toni kissed Jamie before her father took him to preschool and went to bed, Barbara went to the basement and called Mason.

"Hello?" Mason said answering on the first ring.

"Dr. Donahue? This is Barbara Greene, Toni's mother."

Mason sat up, alarmed he hadn't spoken to Barbara in months and when he did it involved Toni needing help of some kind.

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

"It's fine." Barbara replied easing his anxiety.

"Good, what can I do for you?" he asked.

"Toni told me that you're working at the hospital now. That must be quite a change for you." Barbara said.

"It is but I've worked in hospitals before and I still have my practice." Mason replied wondering why she had really called.

"Well good for you. I was wondering if you would like to come for a good home cooked meal. I'm sure living alone as you do that you don't get too many of those." Barbara said.

Mason accepted the invitation not mentioning that he was a gourmet cook but offered to bring dessert.

"That would be nice but nothing with nuts; Toni is allergic to most nuts." Barbara replied.

Dinner was set for six that evening, after the fact Mason wondered if Toni knew that her mother was going to invite him to dinner. He suspected not, but he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Instead of resting, he went to the kitchen to decide what to make for dessert, he finally decided on a caramel apple cheesecake. It was a dessert that he rarely made and then only for special occasions and having dinner with Toni and her family definitely met that requirement.

******

Toni woke up to the sound of Jamie giggling and knew that her father was entertaining him. The next thing she noticed was the smell of roast beef cooking. Toni frowned, her mother only cooked a roast for special occasions and there was nothing-special happening unless it was in celebration of her returning to work. Toni stretched; lay in bed for a few more minutes before heading toward the shower. After her shower, she dressed in her comfy sweats noticing that they weren't so loose on her anymore. 

Toni gave herself a once over and left her bedroom only to find that the reason for Jamie's giggles wasn't her father but Mason. In that moment, it all became clear, her mother was matchmaking again. Barbara had mentioned Mason in passing several times over the past several months but Toni had ignored the hints. She also knew that Barbara liked Mason and had from the start. Toni gave her mother a withering glare before greeting Mason.

"Hi, I didn't know that you were coming to dinner." 

"Your mother was kind enough to invite me I hope that, it's alright." Mason said.

"No it's not" Toni thought to herself but said, "Sure."

Mason wasn't fooled, she was angry and he really couldn't blame her but it did give him an 'in' with her.

"Dr. Donahue, I mean Mason made a caramel apple cheese cake for dessert. Apparently he likes to cook." Barbara announced.

Toni didn't reply but turned her attention to Jamie.

"Come here you and give your mommy a kiss." she said.

Jamie left Mason's side and ran to Toni, throwing his arms around her when he reached her.

"Love you mommy!" he said as he kissed her cheek.

"Love you too, now go wash your hands." Toni said kissing him back.

When he was out of earshot, Toni turned to Mason.

"I'm sorry about my reaction, it really isn't you. Mom has been after me to get out and socialize and I think she's playing matchmaker."

"No apologies are necessary; I could leave if you're uncomfortable with me being here."

"No, it's fine, I was just surprised although I shouldn't be." Toni replied.

Dinner actually went quite well considering the way it happened. Mason had no doubt that Barbara Greene was in for an earful when he left but as for himself, he was grateful to her and hoped to tell her that someday.

Mason was right; he hadn't even gotten into his car when Toni confronted her mother.

"You had no right to do that without at least warning me!" Toni said.

"Did you want me to wake you up to tell you that we were having company?" Barbara asked.

"Don't even try it mom, you knew before I went to bed that you were going to invite him." Toni said hotly.

"Alright! I admit it but Toni he's a nice man and..."

"Mom, don't do that again, I don't care to be set up with him or anyone else for that matter." Toni replied.

Unable to hold her tongue any longer Barbara asked, "And if I had asked you what would you have said? You would have said no is what. I'm proud that you've gone back to work but Toni, it's time for you to start meeting people and doing things besides sitting at home."

"Jamie...."

"Jamie needs his mommy that's true but don't use that as an excuse for becoming a social hermit." Barbara said interrupting him.

"I'm not..."

"Yes you are." Barbara interrupted. "At some point that little boy is going to need a male figure and before you mention your father and James' father, I don't know if you've noticed but they're getting older and they won't be around forever. I'm not saying that you should find someone just for that reason but I'm saying that you need to take that into consideration."

Toni didn't say anything in response, she knew that her mother was right but somehow to think about going out with someone seemed like a betrayal to James. Intellectually she knew that she wasn't betraying him and that he would want her to try to find someone to be with but emotionally just thinking about it felt like a betrayal and she wasn't even sure that she could be with anyone else without comparing them to James.

She helped Jamie get ready for bed, read him a bedtime story and tucked him in. After he was settled, Toni went to her bedroom bypassing her parents in the living room. She didn't want to talk about her social life with them, her mother specifically.

She lay on her bed and closed her eyes, opening them when she heard the door to her bedroom open. Her father sat on the bed beside her.

"Your mother, she means well." he said taking her hand in his.

"I know but daddy, I'm scared." Toni replied.

"Of what?" Ben asked already knowing the answer.

"It's not only that I'm scared, but James has only been gone for two years! I feel like I would be betraying him somehow if I started going out again. And what happens if I meet someone and they die? I can't go through that again." Toni said crying.

"Baby girl, I wish that I could tell you that it wouldn't or couldn't happen again but what I can tell you is that James was a good man and I loved him because he loved you. I also know that he wouldn't want you to spend your life alone and that if you found someone, it would make him happy." Ben said.

"How come it doesn't sound so pushy when you say it?" Toni asked through her tears.

Ben laughed, "Your mama says things as she sees them without thinking about how it might feel to the other person and that's only because she cares. But, Toni she's right. It's time for you to start reentering the social world. Work will help with that some but life can't just be about work."

"I know and I promise to think about it." Toni replied.

*****

Two nights later, Toni was at work and in a way, she was relieved. She needed a break from her mother and was almost wondering if it wasn't time for them to go back to Florida. The issue was that there was no one that she really trusted with Jamie. Wanda was off at college in her second year and doing well. That was another thing that James had done before he died, he set aside a trust fund for Wanda so that she could go to any school that she wanted without having to work. She would be the only one that Toni trusted with Jamie, she had to give this some more thought. She was also getting tired of her mother suggesting that she sell the house for a smaller one.

"Mom, please!" Toni said and then walked away exasperated.

Barbara watched Toni walk away and knew that she had done it again.

The final straw came when Barbara took it upon herself, to watch the final disc that James had made for Toni. She wanted to know what Toni thought was on it that scared her so much. Her rationale was that if she knew what was on it she could assure Toni that it wasn't anything horrible. Barbara knew that she was playing with fire but she convinced herself that she was doing it for Toni and that Toni would understand.

Barbara waited until Toni left for work and Jamie and Ben were in the basement playing before she took the box down from the shelf. She looked at the disc for long minutes before she put it in the player. Seconds later James' image filled the television screen. The video started out as it always did with James saying "Hi Sweetness!" after that the mood of the video changed.

"Sweetness, if you're watching these then I'm gone..."

"What are you doing?" Toni said from behind Barbara. "Take it out now!" she screamed.

"Toni, I was...."

"Take it out!" Toni said and ran to her bedroom.

Ben hearing the yells through the open basement door came upstairs thinking that something terrible had happened. He looked at Barbara and then the television screen and groaned.

"I was just trying to help." she said morosely.

"Barbara, listen to me." Ben said gently. "I know that you love Toni and want what's best for her but you have got to leave her alone. You have got to let her work on things in her own way and on her own time and stop pushing her."

"I just thought that if I watched it first then I could tell her that it was nothing for her to be afraid of." Barbara said as tears rolled down her face. "I should go talk to her."

"No, let me, you watch Jamie." Ben said quietly.

He found Toni pacing furiously; she didn't notice him until she turned around and faced the door.

"I didn't mean to yell at her like that." Toni said softly. "It's just that I wasn't ready to see that disc yet." 

"I know and for what it's worth, your mom feels pretty bad about what she did. I just told her that she had to leave you alone." Ben said.

"I get it, I really do." Toni said, "I know that I'm not as far along as she wants me to be, I know that she thinks that I should have watched that disc by now but that doesn't give her the right to watch it before I did. It's not up to her to decide how long I should grieve or for her to decide when I should be thinking about dating again." Toni said.

"You're right." Barbara said from the doorway. "I'm sorry that I pushed so hard but I only did it because I wanted you to be happy again like you were with James. I know that the last disc scared you so I decided to watch it so that I could have a heads up about what was on it. I wanted to be able to help you whenever you decided to watch it. Toni, I'm sorry."

Toni took a deep breath before she spoke.

"I've been doing some thinking lately." She said. "You've been here with me for a little over two years now and I think it's time for me to stand on my own two feet."

Barbara and Ben looked at each other and then back at Toni.

"You've given up two years of your life to take care of Jamie and I and I think it's time that you started living your lives again." she added.

"Toni, is this because of me?" Barbara asked.

"No, well not entirely." Toni replied.

They talked late into the night and came up with a compromise, Barbara and Ben would either rent or sell their place in Florida and would move to San Diego but would have their own place. That way they could continue to watch Jamie when Toni was at work and it would decrease Barbara's inclination to interfere. Ben would call the realtor in the morning to get things moving and Toni and Barbara would start looking for a place.

Even if the incident with the disc hadn't happened, Toni realized that it was way past time for her to start living alone without James. She lay awake long after her parents had gone to bed unable to forget about the words that she heard, "Sweetness if you're watching this then I'm gone."

Toni got out of bed, went to the living room and took the box of discs down from the shelf. Reluctantly she took the last disc out of the box and carried it to her room. Toni stood in front of the television for what seemed to be forever before slipping the disc into the player. She picked up the remotes, walked over to the bed and sat down. She closed her eyes, opened them and turned the television and DVD player on and hit play.

James' face filled the screen, Toni felt as if he was looking directly at her when he started speaking.

"Hi Sweetness!" he greeted as he always did. "Sweetness if you're watching this then I'm gone. I just wanted to tell you a few more things the first being as always is that I love you and Jamie. Thank you for the best years of my life and unbelievably I'm including the three years of break-ups and reconciliations. You have to know that I never, ever planned to leave you in any way. I knew from the first time I saw you that there would never be anyone else for me but you, it was going to be you or no one and we won't even talk about the night I got so drunk that I almost went home with what's her name-oh yes Kim. Anyway, I want to dispel a few fallacies that I'm certain that you will have. The first thing is this; there was nothing that you could have done to save me. It was simply my time to go. If I know you, it will be something that you will agonize and beat yourself up over. Secondly, I don't want you to grieve for me for too long, you are a beautiful and amazing woman and I have been blessed to have been able to love you and have a baby with you. The third thing is that I want you and Jamie to be happy, take Jamie to all of the places that we talked about and enjoy them for me. Finally, I don't want you to be alone, I want you to find someone to love and who will love you in return. I don't want you to feel guilty about it or think that somehow you're betraying me because you're not and you won't be. Somewhere there's a man who will love and care for you in my place, if he finds you, let him love you. If I were standing with you, I would make you promise me that you'd do as I asked but I can only go on faith that you will. Ok, I guess that's all I have to say except sweetness, I love you and Jamie so much and I'm so sorry that I had to leave you. Good bye sweetness."

Tears ran down Toni's face. Even in death, James took care of her and released her to love again if she chose to.

"James, I love you too." she murmured.

******

Mason was almost to his resting state when his eyes flew open. Something concerning Toni had just happened. He didn't get the feeling that it was a bad thing whatever it was; he would have to wait until he saw her again to find out what it was. Content that Toni was safe, he closed his eyes.



Mason Ch. 09



Toni watched the disc several more times before she finally turned it off. She now understood why the disc had frightened her so badly; she knew that James would have told her the same thing if he would have had the chance. She was almost surprised that he didn't have someone picked out for her already but was grateful that he didn't. she had no intention of running out and finding someone just because James wanted her to, for now she would go to work and take care of Jamie, if she met someone, she would deal with it when and if it happened. 

She would have to have a talk with her mother in the morning, she really hadn't meant to yell at her like that but it was up to her to decide when she was done grieving for James. She understood that what her mother did was done out of love as her father said but her mother needed to stop pushing her about socializing and about the house.

Toni slept fitfully and groaned when the alarm went off. She opened her eyes to see Jamie peering at her curiously.

"What's up sweetie?" Toni asked.

"Pancakes." 

"I see. Did gramma send you in here?" Toni asked.

"Yup." Jamie replied.

"Alright, go tell gramma that I'm coming." Toni said as she swung her legs over the side of the bed.

She washed her face and hands before throwing on a house robe and heading toward the kitchen. She knew what was coming, Barbara's apology breakfast which consisted of homemade pancakes, bacon, eggs, and fresh biscuits and fresh squeezed orange juice.

Both of her parents were waiting for her when she came out from the bedroom. Her mother spoke first.

"Toni, I'm sorry. I had no right to watch that disc from James; I have no real excuse except that I was trying to help. Your father gave me a good talking to last night and I promise to try not to interfere unless you ask me to.

"Wow" Toni thought and wondered what it was her father had said to her mother that she got both a verbal as well as the breakfast apology. She had never received both at the same time.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you and both of your apologies are accepted." Toni said hugging her mother.

Breakfast was delicious as always and Toni ate heartily sharing her pancakes with Jamie who insisted that hers tasted different. Toni and Barbara were meeting Gina later in the morning so that she could go apartment/house shopping with them while the men watched Jamie. They would look at several places which Glenda researched when Barbara told her that she and Ben were moving to San Diego.

By the time the day was over, Barbara had brochures to no less than six places to show to Ben. Gina suggested that they grab take out Italian and head back to feed the men. All in all it had been a good day Toni thought as they waited for their order.

Jamie greeted her at the door with a cheerful "Mommy!" and tried to take the bag of food from her with the intent of carrying it to the kitchen. Toni let him have one handle while she held on to the other; he was getting to be such a big boy Toni thought as she looked at him. He was definitely going to be a heart breaker with his dark eyes and long eyelashes. Already at four he was getting complements about his looks, in a few weeks he would be five and starting school the following year. "Slow down kiddo." Toni murmured as Jamie ran off to help set the table.

*****

Mason wondered what happened with Toni during the night, he thought to call her to see if he could hear anything in her voice but realized that he didn't have a valid reason to call her. He would just have to be curious until he saw her again in two nights. 

The board meeting was happening tonight and he wondered how Joyce was doing. She wanted him to go with her but he declined telling her to call him when it was over. Realistically he didn't expect anything to change and he also didn't expect Joyce to stay if there weren't any assurances that something would be done to address the issues. But if she left, it would be her choice and not because she was being railroaded because of her complaints. 

Joyce called him at ten just as he was making himself a drink.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Well, they listened, they sympathized and thanked me meaning, I got my say and that's all I'm getting." she replied

"So now what?" Mason asked.

"I'll stick around to see what happens I guess, but I am thinking about opening my own practice." Joyce replied.

"It does have its benefits." Mason agreed.

"So why come back to a hospital setting and don't hand me that crap about going back to your roots." Joyce said.

"Why not? It's the truth." Mason countered.

"Maybe, but I don't think so or it's not all of the truth anyway." Joyce replied, "But whatever. Did you give up your practice?"

"No, I still see a limited number of private clients." 

"How many is a limited number?" Joyce asked.

"Ten."

"Ten? Damn! Are they related to the Rockefeller's or what?" Joyce asked.

"Something like that, look I have to go, I'll see you in a couple of days." Mason said and hung up. He had no desire to answer anymore questions about his practice and he had no desire to have a business partner with the exception being Eustace and he sensed that's where the conversation was headed.

He finished making his drink, sat out on the patio and looked out over the ocean. He liked it here much better than he did Boston and while it wasn't LA, it was definitely doable. He found himself wondering what Toni and Jamie liked to do when she was off but it was too soon to ask her about that. "Damn!" he swore as he wondered how Ethan had found the patience to woo Katrina in the human way. He had just barely started and he was tired of it already. Unlike Ethan, he wasn't getting "a rush" out of it and he didn't agree that they all should have to go through this in order to mate. 

Mason made a mental note to make extra coffee to share with Toni when he went back to work, he would start to woo her there he decided, it was neutral ground and a place where she was beginning to feel comfortable again. Mason finished his drink and mentally prepared himself for the long haul.

*******

All too soon it was time to go back to work. Toni had to admit that she had missed it; it felt good to have another purpose in life other than Jamie as much as she loved him. She watched the disc several more times looking for what she didn't know. Maybe she was looking for that look that James sometimes got when he really didn't want her to do something but it wasn't there. He meant every word that he said to her, he wanted her to find someone to spend her time and life with and he wanted Jamie to have a father figure. 

She ate dinner with Jamie, read him a story and headed to work. This time she parked without hesitation and didn't almost panic when she walked through the doors. She made a conscious decision not to avoid people as she went to the sleeping room. She had begun to realize that she had to make the effort if she wanted to begin living in the real world again. She was on her way to the rounding room when she heard her name called.

"Toni!" she turned around to see the cardiologist that had been performing the heart cath when James died. She swallowed hard and then greeted him with a hug and a smile. It wasn't his fault any more than it was hers and she hoped that he knew that.

"I heard you were back!" he said hugging her again. "I wanted to call after... but I didn't. Toni, I am so sorry." 

Toni hugged him again and took his hand in hers.

"It wasn't your fault any more than it was mine. James wouldn't want you to blame yourself and neither do I."

The cardiologist's shoulders sagged with relief.

"James wasn't just a patient; he was my friend as well. I miss him as I'm sure that you do too." he replied.

"I do still miss him but you know what? He would want us to move on. Hey, I have to go to report but I'll see you again sometime." Toni said and rushed off.

*****

Mason was coming around the corner when he saw Toni and the doctor hugging each other. His first reaction was jealousy that was followed by anger. He recognized it for what it was, James had somehow released Toni, whether she accepted the release or not he didn't know but that was what he felt the other night. It had to have been the last disc that he made for her. "Thank you James." Mason murmured as he continued on to his office.

Joyce was already there waiting for him when he got there and it was obvious that she wanted to talk. 

"Hello." Mason greeted.

"Hello yourself, how were your days off?" she asked.

"Fine and yours?" Mason asked.

"Good, hey I was wondering if you'd be interested in a partner?" Joyce asked. "You don't have to answer now, I'm just throwing it out there." she added.

"I have to be honest with you and say that I'm not interested in a partnership primarily because I tend to move my practice from time to time." Mason said hoping that she would drop the subject.

"Yes but with only ten patients we could double your load and...."

"Joyce, thank you for offering but I'm going to have to pass. If I decide to have a partner, it will be Eustace Matthews, we've worked together in the past and it works out well." Mason interrupted.

"You've worked with Eustace Matthews? Mr. Tall, dark and handsome? No wonder you only have to see ten clients! Tell me, is he still single?" Joyce asked.

"Uh no, he married not long ago to an OB/GYN." Mason replied.

"Damn!" Joyce said as she headed toward the door. "Time for report and then rounds." 

The night was actually pleasant with Mason being paged only two or three times for restraint orders or something for anxiety. The hospital as a whole seemed calm but Mason knew that that calm could turn into a storm at any time. He decided to take advantage of the lull to see if Toni was in the doctor's lounge. Fortunately, Joyce was in the ER seeing a patient saving Mason from having to tell her where he was going. He grabbed his thermos that he filled with coffee just before leaving home and headed for the lounge.

Toni was there eating her lunch and reading what looked like a medical Journal.

"Hello, mind if I join you?" Mason asked.

"Oh, hi." Toni replied. "Have a seat."

"No coffee tonight?" Mason asked.

"I walked out without it but I'll be alright." she said going back to her article.

Mason looked around the lounge and located the coffee cups.

"What do you take in your coffee?" he asked when he located the cups and supplies.

"Five creams and five sugars." she replied.

Mason grimaced, "really?" 

Toni laughed, "James used to say that I liked a little coffee with my cream. But that's how I drink it." she replied. 

"As you wish." Mason said as he poured the coffee and added the requested creams and sugars.

"Thank you for sharing." Toni said accepting the offered cup.

"You're welcome, last week you saved me from drinking the so-called coffee here by sharing so I'm more than happy to share mine." Mason replied.

Toni took a sip and then blinked, "Wow, this ummm packs a wallop but its good." she said.

"I tend to make my coffee on the strong side, the next time; it will be more to your liking." Mason replied.

"Oh no, don't make your coffee to suit me," Toni replied, "I'm just used to my mothers coffee is all, this is fine." she added thinking that she had offended him.

They spent the next few minutes chatting.

"My parents are relocating to San Diego." Toni said. "We're in the process of looking for a place for them and the place in Florida is going to be rented out until it sells."

"They won't be living with you?" Mason asked.

"No, it's past the time when they should have been living their own lives and not taking care of me and Jamie." Toni replied.

"Are you and Jamie going to be alright in that big house all alone?"

"I'll be fine although mom thinks that I should sell it but I won't. James bought that house for me as a surprise when we moved here." Toni replied.

"You could just move to a smaller place and not sell the house." Mason suggested.

Toni had actually thought about that but decided not to but that was before she had watched the last disc. James clearly wanted her to move on and she was ready to move on too and if she stayed in the house, she wouldn't be able to do that, is simply held too many memories and she could swear that there were times that she felt James in the house. Maybe it was time to think about moving, she could always move back into the house later if she wanted to, it was food for thought.

*******

Moving day. Toni looked around the house one more time for anything that her parents may have missed but then they weren't moving far and would be here on the nights that she worked. Her father carried out the last suitcase and put it in the car while her mother strapped Jamie in his booster seat.

"I'll meet you over there!" Toni called out.

The house had a different feel to it, it felt exactly as it had before she and James moved into it making it a home. That was the difference Toni realized, it didn't feel like home anymore and hadn't since James died, it was a place to go to when she wasn't working and no more than that. It was time to move.

Toni locked the door behind her and headed over to her parent's new place. As she drove she took note of all of the 'for sale' signs and wished that she had a photographic memory. It really didn't matter; she would just call her realtor once she finally decided if she and Jamie were really going to move.

Jamie was already running around the three bedroom condo trying to decide which of the two spare bedrooms would be his while her parents started to unload the car. Later they would go shopping for food and anything else that they would need. Barbara had arranged with the realtor in Florida to let the movers in to pack up the house and in the meantime they would stay with Toni and Jamie until their furniture came.

Toni wondered if there was another unit available but changed her mind, one of the reasons for their move was so that she and Jamie could get used to life alone. But it was a big place, Toni mused so they wouldn't have to live in the same building and Jamie would like being close to "gramma and grampa". As she thought about it, the list of pros began to grow.

She wouldn't say anything to her parents until she decided to move here. They already knew that she was thinking about moving from the house and although they didn't say anything, she could see their relief. 

"Hey mom, I'm going to go walk around for a bit unless you need me for something." 

"No, we're fine." Barbara said as she came out of the bedroom. 

Toni found the main office and went in; a terse mousy looking man greeted her.

"How may I help you today?" he asked without smiling.

Toni explained what she wanted and the man who introduced himself as Dudley, brightened considerably.

"We have some lovely brand new units that I would be more than happy to show you." he gushed.

They made an appointment for the next morning; her parent's could watch Jamie so that she could look at the units without worrying about him running off.

The next morning, Toni kissed Jamie goodbye and told her parents that she had some errands to run of which none would interest Jamie. Dudley greeted her at the door with a fresh cup of coffee in his hand.

"I didn't add anything to it as I don't know your preferences." he said smiling

He waited patiently as Toni prepared her coffee chatting with her about things in general. He was impressed when Toni told him that she was a doctor.

"My goodness!" he said. "We have all kinds of professional people here. The building that I'm going to take you to has a dentist and I believe a plastic surgeon living there. If I need anything, I'll know where to go." he said.

Fifteen minutes later, Toni was walking around a three bedroom condo that was located on the first floor. She liked it but wondered if there was one with a water view.

"There are four and all of them are empty at the moment." Dudley said. "And they cost considerably more than these do." he added. It was obvious that he was mentally calculating his commission if he managed to sell one of them."

He took Toni to the condos and let them sell themselves. He took her to the one that he was almost certain that she would like the least saving the best one for last. Toni bought it on the spot.

"You don't need financing?" Dudley asked.

"No, I'll pay in full and there are some things that I want done immediately." Toni replied to a shocked Dudley. "Give me the total price including any fees and I'll call the bank while I'm here." she added.

"Yes ma'am!" Dudley exclaimed hardly believing his luck. He wasn't supposed to be working today that was why he had been so grouchy. His commission from this one sale had just moved him up in the race for salesman of the year and the two week all expense paid trip to Hawaii.

Toni drove home with a sense that she had done the right thing. When she got home, she piled everyone in her car and took them back to the complex.

"Why are we coming back here?" Barbara asked.

"I want to show you something." Toni replied. She couldn't wait to see the look on their faces when they found out that she was moving to the same complex.

Barbara was speechless while Ben just smiled at Toni happily.

"Do you like it?" Toni asked.

Moving day for her would be in three weeks; one of the things that she wanted changed was the railing on the patio. As far as she was concerned, it wasn't high enough. She requested that the patio railing be redone so that it would be almost impossible for a five year old who loved to climb to get over it. The second thing that she wanted done was to have the walls painted, as they were they were a boring white, she would drop off the colors that she wanted in the morning.

"What color would you like for your room?" Toni asked Jamie who had finally decided which room he wanted for his.

"Blue." he said without hesitation.

"Then blue it is." Toni said.

********

Mason continued to make a point of searching Toni out whenever they were at work. They always had lunch or coffee together unless one or both of them was busy. Mason was relieved when Toni told him that she and Jamie were moving to the same complex as her parents. He knew where the place was because he had thought about buying a condo there himself but had decided against it.

"Who did you talk to over there?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Dudley." Toni replied. "He wasn't a happy camper when I walked in but he was about to do a dance when I left." Toni replied. 

"When's moving day?" Mason asked.

"Three weeks from now, there were some things that I wanted changed before we moved in." Toni replied.

"I would be less than honest if I didn't tell you that I'm glad that you're moving." Mason said taking a sip of his coffee.

"Why is that?" Toni asked wondering why he was so concerned about where she lived.

"I just didn't think that it was safe for you and Jamie to be in that big house by yourselves, what if something happened and you needed help? At least in the complex there are other people nearby that you could call for help or send Jamie if you had to." Mason said.

"I hadn't thought about that but you're right." Toni conceded.

"So why are you moving?" Mason asked.

"As much as I love that house, it doesn't feel like home anymore." Toni replied. "And if I were to ever meet anyone, I couldn't take them there, there are too many memories and it wouldn't be fair to either me or the other person."

Mason's heart leapt, while she wasn't actively looking and wasn't ready to look, she was open to the possibility of being with someone else. That only served to reconfirm what he already knew, James had indeed released her. He said a silent word of thanks to James for releasing her and for loving her in a way that he hadn't been capable of at the time. He had been given another chance and he was determined not to fuck it up.




Mason Ch. 09



"Toni, I have tickets to the ball game in LA this weekend and I was wondering if you and Jamie would like to come as my guests." Mason said.

"Shit." he thought as his heart pounded waiting for her response. 

Toni thought about it for several minutes. Jamie loved baseball while she herself could have cared less about it but he would have a good time and that's what mattered.

"Ok." she replied, "what time do we need to meet you?" she asked.

Ethan was right, Mason conceded as he tried to hide his surprise and pleasure that Toni said yes. He felt the "rush" that Ethan had talked about and found it gratifying.

"It would be easier if I picked you up and drove, I know a shortcut or two." Mason replied. "I'll pick you up at six and don't worry about packing anything other than a blanket in case Jamie gets sleepy." he added.

After they parted ways to go back to work, Mason went to his office.

"So what's the scoop?" Joyce asked.

"What are you talking about?" Mason asked as he got ready to go to the dictation room.

"You and Dr. Jacobson."

"Again, I'll ask, what are you talking about?"

"The word is that you two are becoming an item." Joyce said.

"Because we have coffee and lunch together?" Mason asked. He had forgotten about the rumor mills that ran through most institutions.

"Yep, so is it true?" Joyce pressed.

"No it's not true." Mason said, "And if it were it would be no one's business but hers and mine." 

"Do you like her?" Joyce asked.

"Don't you have something that you need to be doing? A patient that needs to be assessed?" Mason asked.

"I'll take that as a yes but let me give you a heads up; James Jacobson's shoes are going to be very hard to fill if that's where you're thinking of taking this." Joyce said.

Mason paused; Joyce might be a source of information for him.

"What do you know about him?" Mason asked sitting down on his desk.

"Only that he was drop dead gorgeous, kind of like you and that he loved his wife to a distraction. He was also like you in the way that the nurses always found a reason to call him. One nurse in particular thought that she could swipe him away from Toni but she didn't stand a chance. By the way, how is Toni doing?" Joyce asked as what seemed to be an after thought.

"You're good." Mason replied chuckling. "But if you really want to know how she's doing, I would suggest that you ask her."

"Busted." Joyce said laughing. 

******

The closer the night of the game got the more nervous Toni became. She hadn't been out socially in over two years; her mother when she found out was thrilled.

"I knew that he liked you!" she exclaimed.

"Mom calm down, it's a ballgame that he had extra tickets for." Toni said.

"If you say so." Barbara said and then said no more. She had learned her lesson about pushing too hard.

Mason was nervous as well, "it isn't a date." he said to himself as he paced. He picked up the phone for the third time and called the ballpark.

"Yes Dr. Donahue, everything is just the way you want it." the voice on the other end said with just a hint of impatience.

Mason paced some more and resisted the urge to call the ball park back again. Instead he went for a walk and ended up at the complex where Toni and her parents would be moving to. Looking at the time, he wondered if anyone was available to show him the building where Toni would be living.

He walked in to see Dudley packing up for the night. Mason only knew it was Dudley from Toni's very brief description of him. When Dudley turned around, he had a fake smile plastered on his face, this had been another extra shift for him and it was interfering with his favorite television show 'The good wife'.

"What can I do for you this evening?" he asked with exaggerated cheerfulness.

"I was informed that you have some waterfront condos and I would like to see them if there's someone available to show them to me." Mason said.

Dudley's fake smile turned into a real one at the possibility of a sale.

"I would be happy to show you those units! There are three left, a doctor just bought a unit last week. May I ask what it is that you do?"

"I am a doctor as well, a psychiatrist." Mason replied pleasantly. Dudley had some issues Mason realized but he was harmless.

"Another doctor! Wonderful! Just bear with me for one moment while I get the keys and have the office calls roll over into my cell."

Mason looked around the office while he waited for Dudley. 

"Ready?" Dudley asked from behind him.

As he did with Toni, Dudley showed Mason the one that he considered the least desirable first and then showed him the one next to Toni's last. It was nice enough and had a decent view of the water and according to Dudley; it was only slightly smaller than Toni's.

Like Toni, Mason didn't care for the bland colors but that really was the only thing that he didn't like about it. He also knew that he would have bought the place even if he hated it. Two hours later, a very happy Dudley was escorting Mason to the front door of the office.

"I'll send some people over tomorrow to make the modifications that I require." Mason said as he walked out.

"Thank you very much for your business!" Dudley said as he closed the door behind Mason. He would never complain about working an extra shift again.

Mason walked home feeling a sense of excitement that he hadn't felt in a long time, probably not since he held Katrina when she had her babies. He stopped walking, looked in the direction in which Ethan and Katrina lived and spoke softly.

"Good bye Katrina."

It was really over, he had truly let go of her. That she would always have a tiny part of him was a fact that he couldn't change but he was alright with that as he knew that Toni would be.

******

Jamie was watching out of the front window for Mason. Toni had already made him go to the bathroom, wash his hands and pack his backpack which contained his blanket, books, coloring books and crayons. 

"Remember to behave and to say thank you" Toni reminded him when she heard a car pull into the driveway.

"Okay mommy." Jamie said quickly and then he dashed for the door to let Mason in.

"Hi Dr. Mason!" Jamie said when he opened the door.

"Hi Jamie, are you and your mom ready to go?"

"Yep!" Jamie replied enthusiastically.

Toni stomach flipped, why she was so nervous she didn't know. It wasn't like this was a date. It was a ball game and nothing more.

"Come on mom!" Jamie called to her.

Toni forced herself to move toward the front door. If Mason noticed her nervousness he gave her no indication of it as she walked by him. The booster seat sat on the front porch and Mason grabbed it as he walked by. Toni waited by the car while Jamie climbed into the seat and strapped himself in. she murmured a thank you when Mason opened the car door for her just like James used to do for her, chivalry really wasn't dead she thought with a smile.

Jamie had a blast at the game talking excitedly with Mason whenever his favorite player did something that he either approved or disapproved of. By the end of the game, Jamie was exhausted, it was way past his bedtime and Toni had no doubt that he would be asleep before they made it out of the parking lot.

Since their team was losing, they left before the last inning was over. Mason wanted to try and beat the rush from the parking lot. Toni gathered Jamie's things while Mason took him to the bathroom; she was finished before they got back. It occurred to her that she had just done one of the many things that James had wanted to do with Jamie and it gave her a bittersweet feeling. Toni felt tears threatening and forced them back when she heard Jamie calling her.

Partway back to the car, Mason picked Jamie up and carried him. By the time they made it to the car, Jamie was sound asleep wearing the baseball cap that Mason bought for him as a souvenir. Jamie roused just enough to strap himself in and went back to sleep.

"Thank you for tonight." Toni said looking over at Mason. "He had a good time."

"You're welcome." Mason replied. "What about you? Did you have a good time?"

"I'm not a big sports fan but yes, I had a good time too." Toni replied.

"I'm glad; maybe we can do it again sometime." Mason said.

Toni didn't reply but looked out of the window.

Mason didn't push; he turned the radio on to a soft classical music channel and drove the rest of the way to Toni's house in silence. Mason carried Jamie in, followed Toni to his bedroom and laid the sleeping boy gently down on the bed. He had a feeling of déjà vu as he remembered carrying a very drunk James Jacobson to bed for Toni a few years back although he dropped him in as opposed to laying him down on the bed.

Mason bid Toni goodnight and instead of driving home, drove to the condo to check on progress. He was paying people to work around the clock; he wanted to be 'moved' in before Toni was. Things he found were progressing nicely, the condo would be ready in another day or so. Tomorrow evening he would stock the kitchen and call his supplier for the cookware that he liked to use after that he would call his furniture supplier. All he would have to tell them was the color scheme and they would know what to do from there. Mason left the condo and drove home thinking about Toni, he was beginning to understand the guilt that she felt about the three years that she and James didn't have together. In his refusal to let Katrina go, he had stolen time from the two of them. Jamie could have been his birth son; Toni wouldn't have had to suffer the loss of someone that she loved. 

"Fuck" Mason swore and stopped his line of thinking. It wasn't going to change anything; it was water under the bridge so to speak. All he could do now was move forward and remember that he wasn't ready for her then and that he couldn't have loved her the way James obviously had and did. Mason asked himself if he thought that he could love her like that now because if the answer was no, then he had to leave her the hell alone mate or not.

"So what about it Mason?" he asked himself in his best Eustace Matthews impersonation.

"I think I can." he said in his own voice.

"Fuck that Mason!" He said in Eustace's voice. "You'd damn well better know!"

Mason took out his cell phone and called Eustace. After the first few minutes, Mason was laughing.

"What's so funny?" Eustace asked.

"I just had this conversation with you." Mason said still laughing.

"What?" Eustace asked.

"Never mind, but to answer your question about whether I can love Toni the way that she deserves to be loved, the answer is yes. I can love her like that and I want to love her like that. Mason said.

"What changed?" Eustace asked.

"I think that James finally released her." Mason said. "Remember I told you about that last disc that she hadn't watched? I think that was how he did it."

" I think that you're right but Mason I want to caution you that if you aren't sure that you can love her as she needs and deserves to be loved then you need to walk away. If she is a substitute for Katrina, then you need to walk away from her now."

"Eustace, I've made my peace about Katrina. That it went on for as long as it did was my fault, I knew the moment that I lost her but I stayed hoping for what I knew wasn't going to happen. Tonight, I said my final symbolic good bye to her. Do I still love her? Maybe a little but I suspect that I always will just as Toni will always love James. Does she still have a piece of my heart? I would be lying if I said that she didn't but that doesn't mean that I can't or won't love Toni as deeply as any man loves his mate." Mason said.

"It sounds as though you've given this a lot of thought." Eustace said.

"I have and believe me, if I thought that I couldn't do right by her and that child I would leave." Mason said meaning it.

"Good luck and you know where I am if you need me."

Mason hung up feeling better after talking to Eustace; he was going to pursue his mate.

Toni peeked in at Jamie and watched him sleep for a few minutes before going to her own room. She turned on the disc and watched it three times before going to sleep. As she closed her eyes, she realized what a gift James had given her if she chose to accept it.

******

"How was the ball game?" Joyce asked when Mason came into the office two nights later.

Mason frowned; he hadn't said anything to anyone about going to the ballgame. 

"How do you know about that?" he asked.

"You're not the only one with a private box." Joyce said with a grin. "So how was it?" she asked.

Mason ignored her and left the office in hopes of catching Toni to warn her that they had been seen together but he was too late.

"What I want to know," Kim said, "is how she does it. I mean she nabbed Dr. Jacobson, he dies and now she's managed to get that yummy looking psychiatrist and she's not been back that long."

Kim was so intent on her conversation that she missed the warning glances of the nurses around her, by the time she did it was too late. 

Toni stood silently listening to Kim talk about her. At first she wasn't going to respond but she had had enough of Kim and it was time to put her in her place.

"Kim, a word please." Toni said and walked away.

Kim had the grace to blush with embarrassment. For a few days at least she was going to be the topic of the rumor mill, thankfully she would be off for several nights after this. She followed Toni into a consult room and waited to be blasted.

"Kim, let me start by saying that you're a good nurse and that what I'm about to say is not reflection on that part of you. You took excellent care of James when he was here as a patient and I appreciate that more than you know but you are a sneaky conniving bitch whose only goal is to find yourself a rich doctor to take care of you. While you may be good at your job, this is a stepping stone for you and I don't mean in a good way. From this point on, your only reference to me or anyone else on staff will be in a strictly professional manner. If I hear of you gossiping like that again, we go to your charge nurse and that goes for anyone else that I hear too. Any questions?"

Kim was speechless; she knew that Toni could be a hard ass but wow.

"I understand and I apologize." Kim said contritely.

"Good." Toni said and walked out of the consult room and went to the lounge.

"There you are!" Mason said when she walked in. "We need to talk."

"If it's about us, I already know about it." Toni said as she sat down.

"It didn't come from me." Mason said as he sat down across from her.

"Then who?" Toni asked.

"Joyce..."

"Joyce Evans? She's the biggest contributor to the rumor mill but what did she say?" Toni asked.

"We were seen at the game by someone from the hospital that also has a private box." Mason said. 'I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable with us being seen together." he added.

"No, it's alright; I had just forgotten how prolific the mill could be." Toni replied.

"So we're good?" Mason asked.

"We're good although we're contributing to the mill as we speak." she said laughing.

"I guess we are but seriously, I really did have a good time with you and Jamie and I would love to do it again." Mason said.

"Under one condition." Toni said.

"Ok, what's the condition?" Mason asked.

"You tell me why you haven't cashed my check yet." Toni said.

"I thought I did." Mason said lying.

"You're lying just like you did when you told me that you forgot to mail the bill and I really hate being lied to." Toni said evenly.

Mason was caught, the fact that she knew that he had lied to her was another indication that she was his mate and that it would be pointless to try to lie to her again.

"Alright, you got me. I didn't send the bill because I just wanted to help and I didn't cash the check because I didn't want to and I know that you have the money but I just wanted to do that for you."

"Why didn't you just tell me that when I asked you about the bill?" Toni asked. "I still would have insisted that you send me one but you wouldn't have had to lie."

"I'm sorry that I lied, so did I meet the condition?" Mason asked teasing her.

"Not quite." Toni said. "I'm going to write you another check and I want you to cash it, what you do with it is up to you, give it to toys for tots or finding a cure for diabetes if you want but I want the check cashed." Toni said.

"Deal." Mason said already knowing where he was going to donate the money. "Is Saturday good?" he asked.

"If the check is cashed then it's fine." Toni replied as she stood up. "See you later, I have rounds to do."

Kim happened to be in the hallway on her way back from the blood bank when she saw Mason come out of the doctor's lounge, she thought about approaching him and thought better of it, she really needed this job and she wasn't in the mood for another 'talk' with Toni, once was one time too many as far as she was concerned.

*******

Thankfully the office was empty when Mason got back, he really needed his own office, sharing with Joyce was getting to be a pain in the ass especially since she wanted to be so involved in his personal life. The next time he was out of the office, he would see if there were any empty offices available. If Joyce asked him why he wanted to move, he would be honest with her, he needed to get away from her and her constant probing into his personal life.

Toni made her rounds, tweaking orders as she went. She could tell that she had been the topic of conversation because everyone stopped talking when she went to the floors. "Good." she mumbled under her breath but she knew that it wouldn't last and she knew that had it been anyone but Kim she probably wouldn't have said anything but just made her presence known.

The shift passed quickly with Toni admitting only three patients with one going to the ICU. Toni reported off and headed home. Her plan was to sleep until Jamie got home from pre-school and then go help her parents unpack their belongings that had finally arrived from Florida. Her condo would be ready next week and she was planning to pack up some of her own personal belongings. On a whim, she went to the cemetery to see James.

There was no one else in the cemetery giving her complete privacy, she put the flowers that she stopped to buy on the way in front of the headstone and sat down. For several minutes, she didn't say anything but enjoyed the quiet of the morning and noise of whatever birds were nearby.

"Hi sweetheart, I was thinking about you this morning and decided to visit. I guess you know that I watched the last disc, it took me awhile but I watched it and I'm trying to do as you asked. We took Jamie to a baseball game the other night and he loved it, by we I mean me and Mason Donahue. It wasn't a date or anything like that; he just had extra tickets that he didn't want to go to waste. The thing is, I keep looking at that disc trying to see of you're doing that thing you do with your eyes when you don't want me to do something. You know, the crossing your eyes thing and I don't see it. I know that I'm rambling and that's because I'm not sure of what I'm trying to say.... It was nice to get out and do something fun and .... James, I like him, I'm not saying I'm going to run off and marry him or anything like that but he was so good with Jamie and... , and I'm, I mean we're going to see him again. I just wanted you to know that I really am trying. Jamie and me, we both still miss you so much but we're better and on our way to being happy again. I have to get going, mom and dad moved and Jamie and I are going to help them unpack, and I'll give Jamie your love."

Toni drove home, showered and got into bed without eating breakfast. She was just about asleep when her cell phone rang; she looked at the caller ID but didn't recognize the number. On the chance that it might be important, she answered it.




Mason Ch. 09



"Were you asleep?" Mason asked.

"Not yet, why?" Toni asked surprised that she was glad to hear from him.

"I know that we made plans for Saturday but I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat for dinner tonight." Mason said.

"I can't, I'm helping mom and dad unload their truck tonight." Toni said.

"I'm available to help." Mason offered.

"No, but thanks." Toni said.

"Who's going to do all the heavy lifting? Surely not you and your parents." Mason said.

"No but..."

"What time will you be there?"

"Four but..."

"Perfect! And I'll bring dinner. See you then."

Toni looked the phone and then realized that Mason didn't know the exact address of her parent's apartment, she called him back, gave him the information and then hung up. She would call her parents later to let them know that Mason was coming to help. She didn't want to hear her mother say "I told you so."

Mason jumped up and ran to the kitchen trying to decide what to make for dinner. In the end he decided to go with something simple, Pizza bread and a tossed salad, the bread could be assembled and baked there and the salad could be made just before he went. He checked his supplies and then called the grocery store to have what he was missing delivered. While he waited for the delivery, he called over to the condo to check on progress there, he hadn't even begun to figure out how to tell Toni that he bought the condo next door to her. After thinking about it he decided that there was no reason to tell her at this point, it would serve no real purpose.

*****

As soon as Jamie heard Mason's voice, he flew out of what would be his room.

"Dr. Mason!" he squealed happily.

"Hi Jamie." Mason greeted with a smile. "Where's your mom?" he asked.

"In the kitchen with gramma." Jamie replied as he took a bag from Mason.

"Careful, that's pretty heavy." Mason said as he relinquished the bag.

"I don't know mom." Toni was saying when Mason walked into the kitchen. "Yellow is so... old."

"The term is retro and ... let's ask Mason." Barbara said.

"What are we talking about?" Mason asked.

"I want to paint the kitchen yellow but Toni thinks it too old fashioned. What do you think?" Barbara asked.

"Don't do it man." Ben whispered when he came into the kitchen.

Taking Ben's advice, Mason said to Jamie.

"How about we get those pizzas ready?" and he hurried off.

"Coward!" mother and daughter called after him laughing.

"You're good for her and Jamie." Ben said quietly, "She just doesn't know it yet but give her time and she will." he added. 

Mason looked at the two women playfully arguing over the proposed color of choice for the kitchen and then at Ben who clapped him on the back and walked away leaving Mason and Jamie alone top make the pizza bread.

"Ready?" Jamie asked happy to be helping.

"I'm ready." Mason replied looking at a still laughing Toni. 



Mason Ch. 10



Toni felt Mason looking at her and looked back at him. Mason smiled at her and turned his attention back to Jamie and the pizza bread. 

"So what does your mom like on her pizza?" Mason asked.

"Pineapple and pepperoni and ham and cheese." Jamie replied.

"No peppers?" Mason asked.

"No peppers, she says that they're yucky." Jamie replied.

"Onions?" 

"She likes onions but she doesn't like those fish things." Jamie replied.

"Those fish things are called anchovies and I happen to agree with her on that." Mason said, "what do you like on your pizza?"

"Cheese."

"That's all?" Mason asked.

"Yup. That other stuff is yucky." Jamie said as he sprinkled cheese over the sauce that Mason had already put on the bread.

Mason laughed and then wondered if it would be cheating if he pumped Jamie for information regarding Toni's likes and dislikes. It would be cheating he decided and didn't ask any questions, he left Jamie in charge of calling them when the oven timer went off so he could start unloading the truck while the pizza bread baked. Jamie perched himself on a chair quite pleased to be given such an important duty.

Toni and her parents had already begun to unload the smaller items while he and Jamie were putting the pizzas together. Ben and Mason carried in the heavier pieces with Mason making the appropriate comments about how much things weighed when to him they weighed nothing. After carrying in the second heavy item, Mason noticed that Ben was breathing quite heavily and called a time out.

"We can get one more thing in can't we?" Ben asked.

"I think that the pizza is about done, so it's a good time for a break." Mason said.

Jamie was on his way out to get them when they walked in; the condo was filled with the smell of fresh baked pizza bread making everyone comment about how hungry they were.

"This is way better than mom's pizza!" Jamie quipped as he took another bite of his pizza bread.

"That's because my pizza bread isn't home made." Toni replied, "but I do agree that this is delicious." she added.

"It sure is." Ben agreed. "Thank you for dinner and for volunteering to help us unload the truck."

"Anytime, I wasn't doing anything tonight anyway." Mason replied. "Toni, when are you moving in?" Mason asked.

"Next week, I took next week off so that we could get settled in." Toni replied.

"I'd be glad to help." Mason offered.

"Thanks but unlike my parents, I'm having the movers unload the truck for me."

"We saved money by unloading the truck ourselves." Ben said in response.

"True, but now you have to take the truck back whereas if you had let them do it, they could have taken the truck back with them." Toni replied.

Mason saw an opportunity.

"Why don't I take the truck back for you? Toni can follow me in my car or her car if she isn't comfortable with driving mine." Mason suggested.

"We can't ask you to do that!" Barbara said, "You've already gone far above and beyond the call of duty."

"I really don't mind, all I was going to do this evening was play scrabble against the computer and read. Mason replied. "What do you think Toni?" he asked.

"Sure, we can take the truck back but I drive my own car." Toni replied.

"Can I go too?" Jamie asked.

"No baby, it's already going to be late by the time we get home." Toni said, "But you could help gramma and grampa start to unpack until we get back." Toni said when she saw the disappointed look on Jamie's face.

"That's a good idea." Barbara said, "and you can start decorating your room too." she added.

Jamie was somewhat appeased but not entirely, he hated missing out on things and he really liked Dr. Mason.

The truck was unloaded two hours later with Mason doing most of the heavy lifting.

"You lift weights or something?" Ben asked as he watched Mason move a dresser from the truck.

"I lift a little." Mason replied dismissively. 

As the truck was being unloaded, Toni and Barbara cleaned up the kitchen. Barbara hadn't missed the way that Mason paid attention to Toni and Jamie both. She couldn't help herself, she had to say something.

"He's a very nice man."

"Yes, he is." Toni agreed and hoped that her mother would end the conversation there.

"Reminds me of James in some ways." Barbara said and then clamped her mouth shut. She realized that she shouldn't have said anything.

"What time do you want to go shopping for Jamie's bed and dresser?" Toni asked completely changing the subject.

"Is ten too early for you? I wanted to look at some material for drapes while we were out." Barbara replied grateful for the change in subject and that Toni didn't seem to be upset about her comment.

"Ten is good; I wanted to make a few stops myself. James' parents are coming into town tomorrow night; maybe we could go out for dinner or something." Toni said.

"Sounds good, I'll call Gina while you and Mason take the truck back. Any preference on where we go?"

"Just so its child friendly, I don't care." Toni replied.

Barbara hesitated and then said, "Maybe Mason would like to come, we should take him to dinner as a way of thanking him for all of his help." she added.

"Mom, I don't know and he might be uncomfortable around people that he doesn't really know." Toni replied.

Barbara had the sense not to push anymore, "It was just a thought." she said and closed the subject. She worried for Toni, she was afraid that Toni would be too afraid to love again after losing James but she still had a very good feeling about Mason, he was good for Toni and Jamie. 

"The truck's unloaded." Ben said with a smile. "As thanks I invited Mason to dinner with us tomorrow night." he added.

Mason watched Toni's reaction, there was a brief flash of anxiety and then it was gone. She was feeling something and she either didn't like it, was afraid of it or both and he wondered if it was the bond working. 

"James' parents are coming into town; we're having dinner with them." Toni said.

"So what? The more the merrier." Ben said initially not understanding what the problem was.

"Look, it's fine; we'll do dinner another time." Mason said much to Toni's relief.

Once again Barbara couldn't leave well enough alone.

"They've met Mason before so I don't see a problem with him joining us." she said.

"Barbara..." Mason started to say.

"We'll know the time and place by the time you get back from delivering the truck." Barbara said in her 'don't argue with me voice'.

*******

Mason checked the rearview mirror of the truck often to make sure that Toni was still behind him. Both of her parents seemed to realize something that Toni hadn't, he was beginning to care for her. Not just care about her, but care for her and Jamie. At some point the was going to have to start thinking about how he was going to tell her about Katrina but that was going to be easy in comparison to telling her about what he was. He decided to call Ethan for help when the time came for that revelation. The irony of having to ask Ethan for help wasn't lost on him, theirs was now a solid friendship now that Katrina wasn't between them.

The other issue was when he was going to tell her that he bought the condo next to hers. After thinking about it for a few minutes, he decided that he wouldn't physically move in until their relationship was further along. He didn't want to accidentally run into her as she came or left her condo, for the time being he would stay at his house.

Going to dinner with her, her parents and the Jacobson's was going to be interesting. He knew from the brief inter action that he had with Gina, James' mother that she had blamed Toni for not saving James. What he didn't know was whether she still felt that way and if she would be angry if she thought that Toni had moved on.

Toni had her own thoughts as she followed the truck that Mason was driving. She liked him and not necessarily in the romantic sense but he was calming in much the same way that James had been. They were two completely different men she knew and understood that, but she had seen some of the same similarities that her mother had seen and that was why she didn't comment at her mother's statement. But there were major differences too, James was playful- she had often referred to him as her big kid but Mason was more reserved, his sense of humor running more to the dry side whereas James thought that the movie 'Dumb and Dumber' was the greatest movie ever made, Mason would probably consider it stupid just as she did.

Toni was honest with herself, she was anxious about Mason going to dinner with them but her mother had made it impossible for him to back out. It wasn't so much that he was going; it was more what Gina would think. Gina would jump to the wrong conclusion and think that Toni was dating already although they were well past the two and a half year mark of James' death. Toni had a suspicion that as far as Gina was concerned, she should never move on or remarry even if James had released her to do so. "Why am I even thinking about this?" she muttered to herself. "It's only dinner." she added as she pulled in behind the truck when Mason parked it.

The drive back was quiet with very little conversation until Mason decided to give Toni an out as far as the upcoming dinner was concerned.

"I could call and cancel." he said looking over at her.

"Oh no you don't! My mother will accuse me of telling you to do it." Toni replied. "It's fine really." she added.

"What is it about me coming to dinner with you that makes you so nervous?" Mason asked.

"Can I be honest with you?" Toni asked.

"Please." Mason replied. 

"Gina, James' mother initially didn't like me because of the obvious differences in our skin color. Over time she adapted but still thought that I was after James' money which wasn't true, if it had been, we wouldn't have gone through three years of breakups and reconciliations before we got married. At any rate, when James died, she blamed me; she wanted to know why I couldn't save him a second time." Toni paused for a moment.

"The fact is it was a question that I asked myself everyday for months. What I'm getting at is this, she'll jump to the wrong conclusion and think that I'm looking to replace James with someone else with money and that I'm betraying him."

Mason gave what Toni said some thought, "Toni, even if you found someone else, James is irreplaceable, you will always love him and I hope that whoever the lucky man is will understand that and not ask you to forget James or what you had together. As far as tomorrow night, goes, Gina would feel the same no matter who went to dinner with you but I stand by my offer to cancel."

Toni actually gave it some serious thought and decided against it. What would happen if she met someone? Would she turn them away just because Gina would be upset? 

"No, I would like for you to come, it's like my dad said; you've helped us so much. Which reminds me, have you cashed that check yet?"

"As a matter of fact I have." Mason replied, "And I've already donated it to the veteran's fund at the VA hospital. As per the terms of our agreement, I believe that we-meaning you, Jamie and I have a date on Saturday night."

******

Jamie was asleep on the sofa when they got back to her parent's condo.

"Leave him here for tonight." Barbara said. "Just bring him clean clothes in the morning when you come." she added.

"Are you sure?" Toni asked.

"I'm sure." Barbara said. "I also talked to Gina and they're up for dinner and Mason is more than welcome to come too. There's a new sea food place that they heard about and want to try, is that alright with the two of you?"

"Fine by me." Toni said looking up at Mason for his opinion.

"Sounds good, is that one by the pier?" he asked. "If it is, I've been looking for a reason to go myself." he added.

"I think that's the one, is six alright? Toni and I should be done with our shopping by two or three." Barbara said.

"Six is perfect." Mason said. He really didn't care where they went although he really did want to try out the new restaurant.

"Ok Mom, I'm going home and I'll be back around nine-thirty with clean clothes for Jamie. As a matter of fact, I'll just pack a suitcase so that he has clothes and things here." Toni said.

Mason walked her to her car after she kissed Jamie goodnight.

"It's early by grown-up standards; could I interest you in a drink?" Mason asked.

Toni wanted to say no but felt like it would be a mistake so she said yes. Neither she nor Mason thought about the rumor mill, as far as they were concerned, they were off the clock and could do as they pleased and really, what was there to tell? 

Mason followed Toni to her house and then they took his car to a small bar that looked relatively empty. Mason went in first to clear a path just in case the place was fuller than it appeared. As soon as he spotted an empty booth he headed toward it with Toni following close behind.

They hadn't been sitting long when Mason heard his name.

"Fuck it." he thought as he saw Joyce making her way toward them followed by a man whom he assumed was her date. Of all of the places that he could have chosen he had to chose one that Joyce would be at. He looked over at Toni checking on her reaction, she was having the same thoughts.

"Mason! Toni!" fancy seeing the both of you here." Joyce said as she sat down next to Mason. "This is Chuck, my significant other." she said indicating the man still standing. "Sit down, they don't mind sharing a booth with us do you?" she asked.

Toni looked at Mason and shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "your choice."

Mason was aware that if he said that they minded that Joyce would have the story all over the hospital before they got back to work. Actually, it really didn't matter she would still talk about seeing them together and the rumor mill would continue to be fed. He could have compelled them to leave but if he and Toni were to become a couple as he hoped then this was going to be a part of their everyday lives. If they were already a couple and wanted to be alone, he would have compelled Joyce to go away but realistically they wouldn't have come to a bar if they had in fact wanted to be alone.

"Of course you may join us." Mason said. "Please, introduce us to your ma..., significant other." 

"Oh it's alright; you can call him my man if you want." Joyce said. "Chuck baby, this is my colleague and office partner Mason Donahue and the lovely lady with him is Dr. Toni Jacobson. She works at the same hospital that we do but in a different department."

"Nice to meet you." Chuck said with a nod of his head.

An hour later, Mason and Toni made their escape.

"I'm sorry about that, I had no idea that Joyce would be there." Mason said as they walked out.

"Don't worry about it." Toni said, "We're already the topic of the rumor mill so what's one more rumor? She asked.

Mason took her home and walked her to the door. He really didn't like the idea of her being in the house alone but there was nothing that he could do about it.

"Make sure you lock up and set your security system." he admonished.

"Yes dad." Toni teased and then laughed. It felt good to tease and laugh she thought as Mason tried to give her a stern fatherly look. "I'll see you tomorrow night at the restaurant." she said as she stepped inside.

Mason was going to ask about picking her and Jamie up but changed his mind. Toni was already worried about what Gina might think and if they arrived in the same car it would only cause more problems and there was no need to add to that anxiety.

"I'll see you tomorrow night at the restaurant." Mason said before walking away.

Toni shut the door, locked it and set the alarm. She kicked off her shoes and went to Jamie's room to pack his suitcase for his room at her parent's condo. She packed a few book and toys for the next day and went to her room. She had stopped thinking of it as hers and James room a few months ago just as she had stopped thinking of the house as theirs. It was just a house now but one that she couldn't and wouldn't ever sell, there were just too many memories.

She found herself restless and decided to take a hot bath to relax. Afterwards, she lay on the bed and played all of the discs that James had made for her including the last one. She had to be sure, that James was going to be alright with her being with someone else if she found someone. The more she thought about it, the less concerned with Gina's feelings she became. She was an adult and didn't have to explain anything to anyone unless she chose to and that was that.

By the time she finished the last disc, she knew that James would have wanted her to be with someone else. The issue for her now was what would happen if that person died, she meant it when she told her father that she couldn't go through that again. She would much rather remain alone than go through the grief and pain that she felt when James died, so maybe she shouldn't get involved with anyone. The problem was that it didn't feel like the right decision. There was no one, so why was she even thinking about this? She wondered as she turned off the television.

Mason went to his condo as opposed to going home. It was fully furnished and set up the way that he liked it. There were two units of blood thawed in in the fridge as he had requested, he poured both bags into a large glass and heated it in the microwave. 

He opened the patio doors and stepped outside taking his drink with him, it was beautiful here he thought as he sipped the warmed blood. He looked over to his right at the empty patio that belonged to Toni and found that he missed her. He wasn't ready to say that he loved her but he did miss her. The bond was beginning to establish itself he realized and then wondered what Toni was feeling.

******

The next day, Toni was at her parent's condo suitcase in hand. Jamie had already had breakfast and was waiting for his clean clothes before taking his bath, even as young as he was, he liked things done in a certain way and couldn't be convinced to take his bath since his mom was on the way.

"But gramma, what if she forgets something and has to go back home or she stops at the store?" he asked.

Barbara finally gave up and let him wait until Toni got there. Jamie greeted Toni with a hug and a kiss before taking off to the bathroom.

"Where's dad?" Toni asked.

"He went for a walk, he said something about wanting to explore the place, he should be back any time now." Barbara said. "Have you eaten this morning?" 

"I ate a bowl of cereal and some fruit so I'm fine." Toni replied.

Ben came in a few minutes later slightly out of breath, "man am I out of shape!" he exclaimed. 

Toni and Barbara both looked at him and then at each other.

"Daddy sit down and mom call 911." Toni said as she led him to a chair.

"911? Why are you calling 911?" Ben asked.

"You don't look so good and if you're fine, we'll be having dinner with James' parents as planned now shush a minute." Toni said as she took his pulse. She noted with relief that it was rapid but not weak and irregular as James' had been.

Ben protested the entire time that the EMTs evaluated him. "I'm fine!" he kept saying.

"Well sir, your blood pressure is 190/ 110 that don't sound good to me." the one EMT said.

"Daddy stop fussing, we're going to the hospital." Toni said firmly.

Just then Jamie came out of the bathroom. 

"Grampa?" he asked.

"I'm fine, I promise." Ben said holding out a hand to Jamie.

Jamie didn't look convinced but nodded his head as he took Ben's hand. 

"Baby, you ride with me so gramma can go with Grampa." Toni said as the EMTs helped Ben onto the stretcher.

"This is just plain embarrassing." Ben grumbled as he was strapped in.




Mason Ch. 10



Three hours later, they were on their way home with prescriptions for cholesterol and blood pressure medications.

"Low fat, low salt, no added sugar, what's a man supposed to eat?" Ben lamented.

"Oh daddy, you won't starve." Toni replied.

"Maybe not but I'm not starting this diet until tomorrow. I'll be damned if I'm going to watch the rest of you eat lobster with butter and not have any!" Ben proclaimed and dared anyone to argue with him.

*****

Toni dressed for dinner with a care that she hadn't used since before James died. "I just want to look nice." she told herself as she went through her closet; she pulled out a lavender dress and then remembered what kind of place that they were going to. She put the dress back, took out a pair of dressy jeans and then looked through her tops, finally she settled on a deep red top hoping that it still fit.

"Jamie!" she called from her room, "are you ready to go?"

"I'm ready!" he called back.

Fortunately, both the jeans and top fit, if she gained another ten pounds she'd have to either go on a diet or buy new clothes she thought. The last thing that she did before leaving the room was to decide whether she should wear perfume or not. She decided not and then changed her mind, the question was which one. She knew that if it was James she'd wear 'Red Door' but it wasn't James and somehow it didn't seem right for her to wear his favorite perfume. 

Toni stopped herself and reminded herself that this wasn't a date. It was dinner with family and Mason had been invited to go along but still...

She could almost hear James saying, "wear that one sweetness." Toni whirled around with her heart pounding fully expecting to see James standing behind her. With a shaking hand, Toni picked up the bottle of 'Red Door' and sprayed it on her wrist and behind her ears. Somehow she knew that James was approving of her choice.

******

Mason was nervous but not for himself, his case of nerves was for Toni and her comfort. He had dealt with women like Gina Jacobson before and he knew that she could make things difficult for Toni if she chose to do so, hopefully, their driving separately would take care of any issues.

Since Eustace encouraged him to learn how to dress more casually, Mason found that he enjoyed wearing jeans and tee shirts but for tonight, he wore the jeans but forwent the tee shirt opting for a dress shirt without the tie and opened at the neck. He left his house at five-thirty wanting to be there before anyone else arrived; he wanted to get a reading on Gina and her husband who he happened to like.

The restaurant wasn't too busy because it was a weeknight so it was easy for Mason to find a place to sit unnoticed. Gina and her husband arrived first but didn't notice him; if they had Gina wouldn't have said the things that she did.

"I can't believe that she's bringing a man to dinner with us! The nerve of her with James being gone for such a short time." Gina said. "According to Barb, he a doctor and you know what that means; it means that he has money! You don't think that she's gone through all of that money James left her do you?" she asked her husband.

Finally, her husband spoke up.

"Gina, shut up."

Gina gasped, in all of their years together; he had never spoken to her like that.

"I'm sick and tired of you bad mouthing her. James loved her end of story, she loved him end of story. James has been gone for almost three years now and if she found someone to spend her life with then good for her! James would have wanted her to and you know it. For the record, Toni was the best thing that could have happened to this family, so get a grip and shut up about it."

Mason watched as Gina clamped her mouth shut and turned away to look directly at him. He could tell by her expression that she was wondering just how much he heard but he gave her no clues. He didn't like her he decided but he did like her husband for standing up for Toni like he did.

"Dr. Donahue! When did you get here?" Gina asked.

"I've been here for several minutes." Mason replied his expression giving nothing away.

"Hello Dr. Donahue, it's nice to see you again." Mr. Jacobson said as he extended his hand.

"Likewise and please call me Mason." he replied as he accepted the extended hand.

"Fine, you can call me Robert and this is my wife Gina."

"Yes, I remember, it's nice to see you again." Mason said politely but made no move to touch her in any way.

"It's nice to see you again too." Gina replied. She was still stung by the way that her husband had spoken to her and by the uncertainty of how much Mason had heard if anything of her comments.

Toni and her family arrived a few minutes later, Mason spoke to each of them and picked Jamie up for a hug.

"Are you taking good care of your mom?" he asked.

"Yep." Jamie replied hugging Mason back.

"Good boy." Mason replied putting Jamie down. He didn't miss the squinty eyed glare that he got from Gina as he moved closer to Toni.

Robert had the foresight to call ahead and reserved a table for them in one of the private rooms. Mason maneuvered himself so that he sat across from Toni; he wanted to be able to look at her when they talked. Jamie insisted on sitting between Mason and his grampa Robert. 

Every once in a while Mason would feel Gina watching him, especially whenever he was talking to Toni , he tried to make sure that he was looking at Toni in a platonic way but it was becoming harder to do, it appeared as if the bond was in full force at least on his end, Toni was harder to read.

"So Mason, tell me." Gina said. "As a psychiatrist, how long would you advise a woman who has just lost her husband to wait before becoming involved with someone else?"

The entire table went silent. Toni stared at Gina in disbelief; it was obvious that Gina was talking about her.

"I would say that it is an individualized choice." Mason said, "If the surviving partner has grieved as much as they feel that they needed to and felt ready to move on, then I don't see an issue. If the surviving partner is looking for a replacement to avoid being alone, then that is a different issue."

"Gina!" Robert said trying to stop her.

"If something ever happened to Robert, I couldn't even begin think about being with anyone else." Gina said softly looking at Toni.

"Mom, could you take Jamie outside for a few minutes?" Toni said as she stared at Gina.

She waited until Jamie was out of earshot before speaking to Gina.

"I cannot believe that you would do this here and in front of Jamie!" Toni said.

"Me? I'm not the one bringing a man to dinner and don't try to tell me that you're just friends." Gina hissed.

"First of all, Mason and I work at the same hospital. He's given up some of his evenings off to help us get moved so this was a thank you dinner and even IF we were more than friends; I don't see how it's any of your business." Toni replied heatedly.

"James...."

"Is dead! Toni exclaimed. He was my husband and the father to that little boy out there. I know that you miss him, so do we but let me tell you something, he wouldn't want you to do what you just did in front of Jamie. This is a conversation that shouldn't be happening let alone in a public place but since we're talking, let me tell you something else; James wants me to find someone to be happy with, he wants me to find someone who can be a father to Jamie."

"No, he wouldn't...."

"He did." Toni interrupted. "He left me several videos; the last one was of him telling me what I'm telling you now. If you don't believe me come to the house and I'll play it for you."

Mason watched and waited ready to intervene on Toni's behalf if she should need it but she was doing fine all by herself.

"I'm not hungry anymore, I'll see you later." Toni said and got up to leave.

"Toni, wait." Mason said. "Sit for just a minute and let's see if we can salvage dinner."

Mason turned to Gina, "I agree with Toni that this wasn't the time or place for this conversation, and I also agree with her that whatever she decides to do about being with someone else is none of your business. I am proposing that we drop the subject, eat our dinner and go our separate ways for the evening. If Toni wishes to discuss this any further, it will be in private. Toni? What do you think?" Mason asked.

Toni hesitated and then agreed but this conversation was far from over. Ben went out to get Barbara and Jamie leaving Mason and Toni alone with Gina and Robert.

"Toni, I'm sorry." Robert said. "I didn't know that she was going to say that." he added, speaking as though Gina wasn't there. 

Gina started to speak. 

"Gina shut up; you've caused enough trouble for one evening." Robert said giving her a cold glare.

That dinner had to be the longest dinner of Toni's life, the only one who seemed to be unbothered by the whole thing was Jamie. Toni could tell that her mother couldn't wait to get Gina alone, neither could she for that matter, she would address the issue within the next day or so and she changed her mind about showing Gina the disc. No one except her knew what was on the disc, it was James' last gift for her and she wasn't going to going to share it with anyone. If Gina asked about it, she would just tell her that she changed her mind and if Gina accused her of not having the disc, she would just tell her to go to hell.

Mason followed Toni home to be make sure that she and Jamie got in safely. When they got to the door, she invited him in for coffee. Mason watched as she put much more coffee than was needed in relation to the amount of water she was using but didn't say anything. Jamie had already gone to his room to watch movies leaving the two of them alone.

"Toni, I'm sorry if my going to dinner caused any problems." he said.

"It's not you; the same thing would have happened even if it had been the pope sitting there." Toni said as she poured the coffee into mugs.

Mason looked into the mug and groaned inwardly, he had the feeling that the coffee at the hospital was going to taste like heaven compared to this. He took a tentative taste, grimaced and decided to be honest.

"Toni, can I be really honest with you?" he asked.

"The coffee taste like shit?" she asked.

"That's actually putting it mildly." Mason said, "Do you mind if I make it?" 

"Knock yourself out." Toni replied.

*****

Gina sat in the car not speaking as Robert yelled at her.

"What in the hell was that?" he asked. "Just what in the fuck were you thinking?"

Gina cringed; Robert only used language like that when he was angry.

"It's just not right." Gina said when Robert paused long enough for her to speak. "James hasn't been gone for three years yet."

"And it's been three years of hell for her and you haven't helped. Don't think that I don't know that you thought that she didn't do everything possible to save James and don't think that I don't know that you never really trusted her even though you and Barbara have become friends although I daresay after tonight you might as well kiss that friendship good bye. If Toni wants to enter into another relationship or remarry then I say good for her and you stay the hell out of it."

Gina's night wasn't over; Barbara was waiting for them when they got home. Both Ben and Robert stood back and watched the dress down that Barbara gave Gina.

"You are one sneaky bitch, do you know that? Barbara asked her. "All of this time, I thought that we understood each other enough to become friends but apparently not. I don't mind that you have issues but they're you're issues and no one else's. You're the only one that seems to have a problem with Toni meeting and marrying someone else and I want to know why you felt so led to bring the subject up in a public place."

Gina couldn't say anything, what she did was wrong and she knew it when she did it, what she wasn't expecting was the backlash from it. She realized that Robert was right; she had just lost one of the best friends that she ever had and she wasn't sure that she could repair the damage.

"Barbara, I'm sorry. It's just that I still miss him and whenever I see Toni, I think of him and if she's with someone else, she's not only betraying him but me too and when I saw her with that man, I just got angry."

"Gina, we all miss James and we loved him like a son but you can't make everyone else miserable because you are. I think that you know that James would want Toni to be happy just like he wants all of us to be happy. I'm going to chalk tonight up as being due to a mother's grief but I swear to god, if you ever do anything like this again, I'll forget my oath not to cause undue pain and I'll kick your ass and that was your one and only warning."

Barbara turned around and left Gina standing there with her mouth open. Robert, Barbara and Ben exchanged words for several minutes with Robert looking back at Gina several times. When they were finally gone, Robert walked past Gina without speaking to her.

*****

"Oh my god!" Toni exclaimed, "This is so much better than what I made." 

"Toni, I hate to break it to you, but the coffee at the hospital is better than what you make." Mason said teasing her.

"Are you going to show Gina the disc?" Mason asked.

"No and to be honest, I don't care if she believes me or not. That disc was James' last gift to me and I'm not sharing it with anyone." Toni said adamantly.

"Nor should you have to." Mason said.

Jamie came out of his room dressed in his superman pajamas, "Dr. Mason, will you read to me?"

Before Toni could say anything, Mason was standing up and walking toward Jamie.

"I would like that." Mason said, "But how about you read to me?"

"I don't read too well." Jamie replied.

"That's alright; I'll help you with the words that you don't know." Mason assured him.

Toni watched as Mason and Jamie went to the living room where Jamie had already picked out a book. She cleaned up the coffee mugs and put them in the dishwasher before going out to the living room. Jamie sat next to Mason holding the book with Mason's arm around him as if it belonged there. 

She sat on the chair and listened as Jamie sounded out the hard words with Mason's gentle coaching, after Jamie read the story through once, Mason reread it making sure to pronounce the hard words slowly and succinctly. 

"Ok kiddo bedtime." Toni said her tone telling him not to argue.

"Good night Jamie." Mason said. "I'll see you Saturday night." 

"Night Dr. Mason thanks for reading with me." Jamie said as he went to his room followed by Toni.

"I like Dr. Mason." Jamie said as Toni tucked him in. 

"I know you do." Toni replied.

"Do you like him?" Jamie asked.

"Yes I do now no more questions." Toni said as she kissed him good night.

"He's a good boy." Mason said when Toni came back into the living room.

"Yeah, he is. I'm lucky to have him." Toni replied.

"I'd better get going." Mason said standing. I'll see you at work tomorrow night." 

Toni walked Mason to the door, "Thank you for reading to him, he enjoyed it."

"So did I." Mason replied. Before he walked out of the door, he bent and kissed Toni on the cheek and walked away before she could say anything.



Mason Ch. 11



Toni watched Mason walk away still in shock by the kiss on the cheek. There was nothing even remotely erotic about it but it felt nice. Toni closed the door, locked it and set the alarm before checking on Jamie, he was lying on his side sound asleep. Toni stood by his bed and watched him for a few minutes before going to her own room. She had been in the process of packing her personal belongings and decided to see how much more she could get done before morning. Her goal was to stay up as late as she could, take Jamie over to her parents and then she would sleep during the day in preparation for her shift that night.

As she packed, she found a box that was full of cards from James. She almost put them away and decided to read them. Most of them were typical James, cards that he thought were funny and were meant to make her laugh or smile. A few of them were serious and flowery revealing the romantic that he kept hidden except for special occasions.

Toni found herself teary eyed but not overly sad and to her, that meant progress. That she could laugh again and work again all indicated that she was healing. She put the cards back in the box and put them in her suitcase, she couldn't bring herself to throw them away. Her thoughts went to Mason; she wondered how his wife or significant other had died and how long ago she passed.

She didn't think that it was that long ago but maybe she was wrong. At any rate, she didn't know him well enough to ask. Toni packed until three before deciding to call it a night, she was tired and the first night of work after being off for a couple could be rough.

******

Mason drove home in a good mood; Toni hadn't slapped him when he kissed her cheek although to be fair, he hadn't given her a chance to react. He wondered how she would act around him at work which led to another issue, Joyce. He had no doubt that the hospital wires were burning up and that by the time he and Toni got to work, the rumor mill would have them married with a baby on the way. 

When he got home, Mason turned on his laptop to see what was happening over the weekend that Toni and Jamie would enjoy. There was another ball game but he didn't think that Toni would enjoy it although Jamie would. The problem was finding activities that had evening hours. After searching for almost an hour, he came up with miniature golf, a movie or a kiddie arcade. He decided to present the choices to Toni and let her choose what they were going to do, he had no real preference.

It was still relatively early and he was almost sure that Ethan was still up, now would be a good time to find out how he told Katrina that he was a vampire. While he knew the story of how they met, he had never heard how he broke the news to her. Ethan answered on the first ring.

"How's the dating thing going?" Ethan asked.

"Slowly." Mason replied. "How are Katrina and the girls?"

"They're all good, we're in the process of trying to decide whether to home school the girls or not. I think that they need to go to school but Katrina isn't so sure." Ethan said.

"There are pros and cons to both." Mason said. "What are Katrina's concerns?"

"I think that most of it has to do with her own experiences but you didn't call to help me figure out the education plans for the girls, so what's up?" Ethan asked.

"How did you tell Katrina that you were a vampire?" Mason asked not beating around the bush.

"Are things that far along?" Ethan asked surprised.

"No but I just want to be ready."

"Good idea, as you know, I didn't have that luxury." Ethan said. "I had to just spit it out because I was leaving to see Eustace. Needless to say, she didn't take it too well."

Mason was silent for several minutes before he spoke, "I'm not sure of how Toni will react."

"But you have the opportunity of getting to know her before you tell her." Ethan said.

"True." Mason conceded, "I suppose I'll know when the time is right to tell her."

"I think that most of our mates already know on some level that we're different but they don't know in what way. Just take your time and do as you always told me....."

"I know, follow her lead." Mason finished for him

Mason could hear the girls calling for Ethan in the background.

"I'll let you go; I can hear that you're being paged." Mason said.

"No problem, I'll talk to you soon." Ethan said and hung up.

Mason sat at the table for a long time after talking to Ethan; sometime soon, he was going to take Toni out without Jamie. They had to start spending time together and if they were seen outside of the hospital, then so be it but he was going to have a talk with Joyce about her contributions to the rumor mill when he saw her next.

******

Toni had just gotten back from taking Jamie to her parent's house when the phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and groaned she really wasn't in the mood to talk to Gina but decided to get it over with.

"Morning Gina." She said politely.

"Morning Toni." Gina replied but didn't say anything else.

"Did you want something?" Toni asked.

"Yes, I was wondering about that disc that you mentioned. I would like to see it."

"No." Toni said not offering a reason.

"But you said that you would show it to me." Gina said.

"I know I did and I've changed my mind. That disc was James' last gift to me and I don't have to show it to you or anyone else." Toni replied.

"I'm entitled to see..."

"You aren't entitled to anything." Toni interrupted. "You only want to see the disc because you think that I'm lying to you and to be honest, I could give a fuck whether you believe me or not. I want you to listen to me carefully because I'm not going to repeat myself. I loved James, I will always love James but he isn't here. He died and before he died he gave me one last gift, he gave me his blessing to love again if I chose to. I know that to you it would be a betrayal if I found someone else to spend my life with, but all that matters to me is that James would understand and would want me to be happy. Oh and one more thing, if you ever pull a stunt like you did last night in front of Jamie, I'll kick your ass."

Toni slammed the phone down now too agitated to sleep. She took a hot shower, climbed into bed and read until she fell asleep. She woke up around four to the smell of cooking food and Jamie lying on the bed looking at her.

"Gramma says supper is almost ready." he said.

"What time is it?" Toni asked.

"I dunno." Jamie said.

Toni looked at the clock; it was only four, why was her mother cooking so early? She had another hour to sleep. She crawled out of the bed, went into the bathroom closing the door behind her. Toni looked in the mirror and grimaced at the dark circles under her eyes, she had only been asleep for three hours when she was woken up. She turned on the shower and began to mentally prepare herself for a long night, she gave thought to skipping supper and sleeping for another two hours but that would mean that she would miss supper with Jamie and that was unacceptable.

She took her time letting the hot water wash away the rest of her sleepiness. Never one to get dressed for work before she had to, Toni threw on her sweats and went into the kitchen.

"Mom, why are you here so early?" Toni asked.

"I told you." Ben muttered.

"Oh shush already!" Barbara said scowling at him. "I thought that maybe I could make dinner without waking you up. We were in the area and instead of going all the way back home, we came here." she added.

Toni didn't quite believe her but let it go, she was up to something.

******

Mason was up and dressed two hours before he had to be at the hospital. He got the coffee ready to brew and packed a lunch for two. While he rested he decided to ignore the rumor mill, if people thought that he and Toni were a couple then so be it, it might even help in the long run and keep any other interested males away although he hadn't heard about anyone sniffing around her. 

An hour later, he was sitting in the office waiting for Joyce, he had moved into another office the week before and was much happier not hearing Joyce's incessant chatter about who was doing what and with whom.

"Mason! What are you doing here?" Joyce asked. "Miss me?" 

"No, but I do want to talk to you." he replied.

"Sounds serious." Joyce replied.

"It is, please sit down." 

Joyce raised her eyebrows at Mason's tone but sat down.

"Joyce, I want you to stop spreading rumors about me and Toni." Mason said.

"I...."

"Don't bother to deny it." Mason said cutting her off. "I heard the comments as I walked down the hall and the only place that the information could have come from was you. I don't care what they say about me but I do care when the gossip is about Toni."

"If there's nothing between you then why do you care so much?" Joyce asked defensively.

"Are you so bored with your own life that you have to interfere with the lives of others?" Mason asked ignoring her question. "I'm only going to say this once more, stop spreading rumors." he said and stood up to leave.

Mason went to his office knowing that the rumors wouldn't stop but he worried about Toni more than he should have, had he heard about the talk that she had with Kim or the way that she had dealt with Gina, he would have realized that she didn't need that kind of protection.

******

Toni parked and headed to the doctor's sleeping room that she would be using that night. She was grateful for her foresight in not scheduling her nights together. After tonight, she would off for almost a week and a half and she could hardly wait. She put the lunch for two that her mother packed in the fridge and laughed, Barbara was still trying to play match maker between her and Mason. After her talk with Gina that morning, Toni couldn't bring herself to be mad about it.

Toni put her stethoscope around her neck, checked her pockets to make sure that she had several pens and headed out to report. She was well aware of the looks and whispers as she passed by and assumed that Joyce had been at work. It frustrated her that adults acted like teenagers with the he said/ she said gossip but had decided it wasn't worth getting upset over, as long as there were institutions and people, there would be gossip and the rumor mills that would run nonstop.

It turned out to be a rather busy night with Toni admitting three patients with chest pain, two drug overdoses, two hip fracture patients and one burst appendix. It was past three before she made it to the doctor's lounge carrying the lunch for two. She found herself disappointed when Mason wasn't there but settled down to eat and browse through a magazine that someone left on the table. 

Mason came in just as she was packing up to leave.

"Busy night." he commented as he sat down.

"I know me too." Toni replied. "Thank goodness I'm off for the next several nights."

"You're moving Friday right?" Mason asked.

"Yep, the movers have pretty much packed everything except for the beds." Toni replied.

"How about I bring dinner?" Mason asked.

"You don't have to; we'll just order in Chinese or something." Toni replied.

"I really don't mind." Mason said. "And besides, we have to talk about Saturday night anyway." he added.

"About that..." Toni started.

"Are you reneging on our agreement?" Mason asked half serious and half kidding.

"No but after moving on Friday I don't know about doing anything on Saturday." Toni replied.

"Alright, what about Sunday night?" Mason asked.

Toni laughed, "You're going to hold me to that agreement aren't you?" 

"I most certainly am." Mason replied with a smile.

"A deal is a deal so Sunday night it is. What were you thinking of doing?" Toni asked.

"Miniature golf or a movie if you prefer." Mason replied. 

"Tell you what, I'll ask Jamie what he would like to do and I'll let you know." Toni replied as she finished packing up her lunch.

"Sounds good, I'll see you on Friday around five." Mason said.

Toni went back to the sleeping room hoping for a chance to catch a nap; she had just barely closed her eyes when her beeper went off. Toni moaned when she saw the number, Kim. She hadn't seen Kim since she had that talk with her and wouldn't have cared if she never had to talk to her again but this was work.

"Yes Kim." Toni said as pleasantly as she could.

"What?" Toni asked alarmed. "How much digoxin did she get? That's four times the dose ordered, what's her heart rate? 28? Shit! Ok, I'll be there and get her ready to be transferred to ICU and call cardiology and let him know."

Toni put on her shoes and rushed to the floor.

"Where's the chart?" she asked as soon as she arrived at the nurse's station.

She looked at the orders and saw a signature that she didn't recognize on the digoxin order.

"Kim, come over here a sec." she called.

"Whose signature is that?" Toni asked.

Kim peered at the signature, "I... I don't know who that is." she replied confused. "Let me take the chart, maybe someone else recognizes the writing...."

"CODE BLUE ROOM 352" blared over the intercom. Everyone scrambled except for Toni. She sat frozen as someone grabbed the crash cart and someone else began to gather supplies. Kim ran by and doubled back, "Dr. Jacobson?" 

Toni shook herself and forced herself to focus, when she first ran into the room she thought it was James laying on the bed and hesitated but it was a woman. The Doctor in her took over and she began to call out orders until the emergency room doctor arrived and took over. She saw the nurse of the patient huddled in a corner trying to answer the questions that were being shouted out to her. Toni made her way to the petrified nurse and put a hand on her back.

"Take a breath." she said softly. "Now answer one question at a time."

The nurse nodded at Toni gratefully and pulled herself together.

After the code was over, Toni went and sat in an empty room and shook. She had hesitated, she lost precious seconds because she couldn't move and then more seconds because she saw James on the bed instead of the patient. Fortunately, the patient survived but still...

Toni went back to the sleeping room and prayed for no more calls, she tried to rest but couldn't. She couldn't get over the fact that she had hesitated, she heard a soft tap on the door and got up to answer it. Kim.

"What do you need Kim?" Toni asked tiredly.

"You left your stethoscope; I didn't want it to get lost. I know that Dr. Jacobson gave it to you." she added. Kim said holding out the stethoscope.

"Oh, thanks. You could have called." Toni said.

"I know but I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute." Kim said.

Toni hesitated and then stepped back leaving the door open.

"What did you want to talk about?" Toni asked.

Kim looked around as if to check if anyone else was there.

"Umm, I know that you don't like me much and that's ok but it's also the reason why I picked you to talk to." Kim said. "It's about that dig order, I figured out who wrote it and....the same person has made other mistakes."

"Who are you talking about?" Toni asked.

Kim hesitated and then said "Dr. Myers."

Toni hesitated and then asked, "What kind of mistakes are you talking about?"

"Tonight was the worst one but last week, he ordered a beta blocker for someone who was allergic to them, but that wasn't the problem. When the nurse called him, he yelled at her and told her to just give the damned pill. A couple of weeks ago, he discontinued lasix for a congestive heart failure patient without ordering another water pill to replace it and then got mad at the nurse when she called him about it.

I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it, I think that he's on something, drinking or maybe both but the changes started about a month after Dr. Jacobson died. At first it was just little things, nothing serious but it's been getting worse and now that you're back..... As far as the thing tonight, the nurse, the one that was so scared? She questioned the dose several times and got yelled at each time. She finally told Dr. Myers that she wasn't going to give it and that if he wanted the patient to have that much dig then he had to come give it himself or change the order. A little while later, he came up to the floor, asked for the med and pushed it himself."

Toni was sick. Kim was an opportunist but she wasn't a liar and she was a good nurse. The fact that she came to her spoke volumes.

"Do you have documentation to prove what you're telling me?" Toni asked.

"I made copies of each order and even turned them in to the floor manager but nothing happened. As far as the other nurses are concerned, I told them to chart their asses off. I can only hope that they did but I can't swear to it and I made an extra set of copies of the orders and of all of the charting that I myself did. A couple of the other nurses are here tonight, I'll ask if they charted any of their conversations with Dr. Myers."

After Kim left, Toni tried to lie down again but questions plagued her. Should she talk to Tom first or should she just go to the Director of Medical services? What if James really didn't have to die? In the end, she decided to talk to Tom; he had been a friend and deserved the benefit of the doubt. She took out her cell phone and went to her call list to be sure that she still had the number; she would try to call him before she left for home.

****** Mason wondered it there was a full moon or something; all of the patients were restless with some of them requiring extra medications. It had been a long night and he missed his lunch time with Toni and like her he was grateful that he was off for several days after this shift, he would be at work for a couple of shifts that she was off but he was hoping that by that time, they would have progressed to talking on the phone.

There was another thing that he had decided, once they were officially a couple, he was leaving the hospital maybe even before that. Working here had done what it was meant to do and that was to get close to Toni, so there was no real reason to stay except for the lunches together. Joyce steered clear of him for the first four hours of their shift, partly because they were busy and partly because she knew that he was irritated with her. It wasn't until one when she tapped on his office door.

"Hey look, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. My mouth does tend to run away from me but I promise to keep you and Toni out of anything that I say." 

Mason hesitated and then spoke.

"Why say anything about anyone? This isn't high school and we're certainly not teenagers."

"You're right but rumor mills have been in existence for as long as people had the ability to talk but your point is well taken. Again, I apologize." Joyce said as she stood up to leave.

"Apology accepted." Mason said and watched her leave knowing that she wouldn't be able to help herself.

********

The rest of the shift passed quietly for Toni. The patient that was sent to the ICU was stable and would probably be transferred back to the floor in a day or two. Toni took out her cell phone and called Tom Myers.

"Hey Tom, this is Toni Jacobson, where are you? Oh, ok, can we meet for a cup of coffee? Great! See you then."

Toni hung up and was packing up her things when Kim stuck her head in the door.

"Dr. Jacobson? I have those copies for you." 

"Thanks Kim and thanks for coming to me, I'm sure that it wasn't an easy decision to make." Toni said taking the folder from Kim.

Kim gave her a small smile and walked away feeling proud that she had done something right.

Toni sat in the coffee shop and waited for Tom to show up. As she waited, she read through the papers that Kim had given her; they were organized chronologically making it possible for Toni to see the gradual changes in Tom's orders. Even the handwriting had deteriorated to the point where it looked nothing like the neat evenly signed orders of three years ago. Toni read the nurses notes and then rechecked the orders, Kim was right; the decline began soon after James died and then seemed to escalate when she came back to the hospital to work. 




Mason Ch. 11



Toni folded the papers and stuck them in her bag when she saw Tom walk into the coffee shop. When he spotted her, he smiled and then waved before going to the counter to order his coffee. Toni watched him as he ordered the coffee noting that he seemed to be nervous. 

Tom sat down across from Toni and smiled nervously.

"Hey Toni, I'm glad that you called." Tom said.

"Yeah, me too." Toni said. "So how have you been?"

"You know how it is, same shit different day." he replied taking a sip of his coffee.

"Tom, James dying wasn't your fault any more than it was mine." Toni said deciding to come to the point.

Tom played with his coffee cup but didn't respond.

"I still miss him and his goofy jokes and sometimes I find myself giggling at something that reminds me of the silly things that he used to do." Toni said.

"I miss him too." Tom said. "He was like the brother that I wish that I had. That day when he... when he died was the worst day of my life and I know it was for you too. Toni, he loved you and Jamie so damned much and there was nothing that I could do to save him. I relive that day every time I close my eyes, Toni, I'm so damned sorry."

Toni reached across the table and took Tom's hand in hers, she knew then that James' death wasn't Tom's fault and felt for him. Tom had been doing the same she had been doing before she accepted James' death except that he was blaming himself to the point of being self-destructive and endangering lives.

"Tom, you know that if you were in trouble that I would do whatever I could to help you don't you?"

Tom tensed and pulled away from her.

"Tom, you're in trouble, I see it in your mannerisms and.... I know that you've been making mistakes. You need to take a medical leave and get some help before you hurt someone, that patient could have died."

"Toni, I'm fine, it was an honest mistake." Tom said.

"If it were a one time thing I could accept that but Tom it wasn't and if you don't leave to take care of yourself you'll give me no option but to go to the Director of Medical Services."

Tom gave her an incredulous look, "You... You wouldn't." he whispered.

"I don't want to but I will if you don't take a sabbatical or a leave of absence." Toni said her voice soft but firm.

Instead of answering, Tom stood up and walked out of the shop without looking back.

Toni watched Tom leave and hoped that he got the help that he needed, he was too good of a cardiologist to throw his life away because of something that wasn't his fault.

******

Jamie was waiting for her when she got home; he greeted her with a hug and then a kiss.

"Mom!" He squealed.

"Hi to you too, what are you so excited about?" Toni asked as Jamie took her bag from her and pulled her toward the living room.

"Jamie, wh....."

"Happy Birthday!!!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. "Do you like it?" he asked anxiously.

Toni looked at the plant holder that had obviously been made from a kit but lovingly painted by Jamie and cried.

"Baby, it's beautiful! And in my favorite color too!" Toni said hugging him.

"Grampa helped me make it last night and gramma says that we can plant flowers in it when we move." Jamie said excitedly.

Toni had completely forgotten about her birthday, she actually had to think about how old she was. James was two years older than she was and he was thirty-seven when he died and would have been forty in a month so that made her thirty-eight and a widow. 

"Happy Birthday!" Ben and Barbara called as they came up from the basement each carrying card. "We figured that we'd give you your gift when you got moved that way there's one less thing to worry about." Ben said.

"I don't need any gifts but thank you!" Toni said hugging them.

"You go change and I'll make breakfast" Barbara said shooing Toni to her room.

Her cell phone rang just as she was taking her clothes off, checking the caller ID she recognized the number-Gina. Toni wasn't in the mood to fight with her but she answered the phone.

"Hi Gina." Toni said as she stripped out of her scrub bottoms.

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and to apologize for my behavior these past few days. James wouldn't want us fighting and I... I was wrong to do what I did." Gina said.

"Thank you for the birthday wish and apology accepted, you're right, James wouldn't want us at odds with each other." 

Toni hung up a few minutes later, finished undressing and was on her way to the shower when her phone rang again.

"Hello?" 

"A little bird told me that today was your birthday." Mason said.

"Did it now?" Toni asked. "Does the bird's name happen to be Barbara?"

"I plead the fifth on that but I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and I'll see you tonight."

"Tonight?" Toni asked.

"Your mother invited me over for your birthday dinner." Mason replied.

"Oh, ok I'll see you then." Toni replied.

Toni hung up the phone and yelled at the top of her lungs, "MOM!"

*******

Mason found himself wishing that he knew Toni a little bit better; if he did he would have gotten her something for her birthday. As it stood, generic flowers were going to have to do, he thought about roses but decided that roses would have been too intimate so he settled for mixed wildflowers with the predominant color being purple, Toni's favorite color; a little tidbit that he picked up from Jamie.

Just from his own observations, Toni was unpretentious and very no nonsense. Maybe Ethan was right in saying that the mates usually knew that there was something different about them. Once Katrina had gotten over her shock, she took it upon herself to learn all that she could about vampirism; maybe it would be the same for Toni. Toni, he also noticed didn't take much at face value, when he told her what he was, she would want proof and that would be after she figured out that he wasn't kidding.

There was also the question of Jamie. That he would be loved and cared for as though he was a birth son was a given but Toni would have questions about his mortality. They had so much to talk about but first, they had to deal with their own relationship before talking about what it would mean for Jamie.

"Oh fuck it!" Mason said as he picked up the phone to call the florist. When the phone was answered, he ordered a dozen red roses to be delivered to Toni's house. Neither of them were teenagers where they had to go through the whole looking for a mate ritual, it was time for him to start laying his cards on the table. Once the flowers were ordered, Mason laid down to rest. Tonight he was going to ask Toni out for an official date.

*******

"What are you yelling about?" Barbara asked although she already knew what the ruckus was about.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Toni asked when Barbara came into the bedroom.

"I guess you got a birthday phone call?" Barbara asked smiling not in the least fazed by Toni's irritation.

"Yes little bird!" Toni snapped. "Will you stop with the matchmaking already?"

"I'm not doing anything but...."

"Doing what you promised that you wouldn't do-interfering." Toni interrupted.

Barbara shut the door and sat down on the bed. Toni groaned inwardly, it was time for one of Barbara's woman to woman chats.

"He likes you." Barbara said, "Actually, I think that he more than likes you." She amended.

"Mom..."

"Jamie likes him and he is really good with him."

"Mom..."

"I think that James would have liked him." Barbara said.

Toni didn't say anything, the truth of it was, James would have liked Mason. Had he lived, they would have made good friends.

"Alright, mom, look; I know that you're trying to help but please don't. I'm not looking to be involved with anyone right now no matter how nice they may be." Toni said as she sat on the bed.

Barbara hesitated for just a moment before speaking, "Toni, don't you like him just a little?"

"It's not that I don't like him, I do but I think we're talking about two different kinds of like." Toni replied.

"Uh huh, if you say so." Barbara replied unconvinced. "I'll let you shower while I make breakfast, dinner is at our place since you're place is packed up. I'd better call Mason and let him know." Barbara said standing up.

"Why do you like him so much?" Toni asked as Barbara opened the door.

"I just do, I had a good feeling about him the first time I met him and I still do." Barbara replied. 

She closed the door again and walked over to Toni and took her hands.

"Baby, if you decide to spend the rest of your life as a single woman, do it because it's what you want and not because you're afraid to love somebody again." Barbara kissed Toni's cheek and left her standing in the middle of the room.

Toni stood where she was for several minutes before going to the shower. She couldn't deny that there was some truth to that Barbara said and she did like Mason, but in what way? She had come to enjoy their lunch breaks together in spite of the rumor mill. She asked herself the hard question, what was she really afraid of? Was it like her mother said? What if she got involved with someone and they died? It wasn't unheard of for a woman to be a widow more than once or twice even.

Toni headed toward the shower and asked herself another question, how did she really feel about Mason Donahue? She liked him, he was a bit stuffy but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing and she felt comfortable with him. There was no pressure to be any more than just friends which was fine by her. In her heart of hearts, she was glad that he was going to be at the birthday dinner, she wanted to see if Gina would keep her word and behave herself, at least that's what she told herself. If not, she would have nothing more to do with her, she would allow them to see Jamie because he loved them and they him and besides, Robert wasn't the problem.

Breakfast was ready by the time she was out of the showered and dressed, it was pretty much the same as the apology breakfast but with waffles instead of pancakes. Toni ate a little too much considering that she was going to be going to bed soon but it was so good. Jamie did his usual stealing from her plate when he thought she wasn't looking, it had become a game with them, one that was guaranteed to make him laugh which in turn made her laugh.

"What time is dinner?" Toni asked.

"I told Mason six." Barbara replied.

"Dr Mason is coming?" Jamie asked excitedly.

"He sure is." Barbara replied.

Jamie ran from the table and came back with a book that he had been reading from since the last time he saw Mason.

"I want to show him how good I can read!" he said putting the book on the table.

"I'm sure that he'd like that." Toni replied yawning. "If I'm going to be any good tonight, I need to be getting to bed. I'll see you tonight." Toni said standing up and Kissing Jamie on his head.

Once the house was empty and Toni was in bed, she thought about Tom Myers. For him to drink or whatever it was he was doing meant that he was in a lot of pain, she had her parents and Jamie but who did he have she wondered? When Toni thought about it, she couldn't remember Tom mentioning anything about family and she had never seen him with a woman. The only people that he did anything with outside of work was her and James and that changed once they brought Jamie home from the hospital and then they had become so wrapped up in each other that Tom had been left out in the cold. Toni felt a measure of guilt and made a sudden decision, she called Tom to see if he'd answer her call.

"I did what you wanted!" Tom snapped as soon as he answered the phone.

"Tom, I was just calling to invite you to my birthday dinner is all." Toni replied realizing that calling him had been a mistake.

"Oh, I thought that you were checking up on me," Tom replied. "Thanks for the invite but no, I'm leaving tonight for the 'Betty Ford Clinic' he added.

"Tom, I'm sorry that I wasn't a better friend to you after James died."

Tom didn't say anything for several seconds.

"Toni, this isn't your fault, it's mine for not going for help to deal with my grief and you were right to talk to me; I just wish that someone had the balls to do it earlier. Look, happy birthday and I'll call you when I'm back." Tom said and hung up. Maybe it hadn't been a mistake to call Toni thought as she put the phone on the table.

She was almost asleep when the door bell rang; she groaned and rolled out of the bed thankful that she had her pajamas on. She peeked through the window to see a florist van sitting in the driveway, who was sending her flowers?

"Toni Jacobson?" The woman asked.

"Yes, that's me." Toni replied.

"These are for you and the gentleman requested that we tell you to read the card."

Toni took the roses and carried them to the kitchen; they were beautiful and smelled lovely. Toni sat the flowers on the counter and took the card out of the envelope and read it.

"Toni, once again a very happy birthday to you, I would be honored it you would go to dinner with me on Monday" MD

Toni reread the card; it didn't mention anything about Jamie, Mason she realized, had just asked her out on a date in a very old fashioned way. That was the term that she had been trying to think of earlier, old fashioned but he couldn't be more than what? Forty? And that was pushing it. The question was what was she going to say? She already knew what her mother would say and her father too, even Jamie would say that she should go but should she?

It was just dinner, that's all she reminded herself as she looked at the roses and card again. What harm could there be in it? She asked herself as she walked back to her bedroom and climbed into bed.

******

Mason had really hoped that Toni would have called him with a response but then he hadn't indicated that he wanted her to call. He would just have to wait until he saw her tonight, he didn't know how many people were going to be at dinner but he hoped to have at least a minute alone with her to ask her face to face to go to dinner with him.

He was gaining a whole new respect for what Ethan must have gone through although their situations were vastly different but the anxiety of waiting was the same. Mason lay on his bed and closed his eyes wondering it Toni liked the roses and then hoped he hadn't gone overboard.

Unable to rest, Mason got up, turned on the television to the news channel that he always watched, he had to admit that he was nervous and he really didn't care for the feeling even though he knew that he would feel the so called "rush" if Toni said yes. It was time to ask himself the question that he been trying to avoid, was he in love with Toni? Not entirely but that was changing, spending time alone with her was going to be the key and dinner was going to be the start of that.

He almost called her but changed his mind, she might be asleep he realized as he paced the length of the bedroom restlessly. Tonight seemed a long way off.

*******

Toni tossed and turned before finally giving up and getting up. She headed to the kitchen for a drink of water and caught sight of the roses and the card lying on the table. She reread the card and picked up the phone, if Mason was asleep, she would leave a message accepting the dinner invitation. To her surprise, he answered.

"Why are you still awake?" he asked after greeting her with a warm hello.

"Couldn't sleep, how come you're still up?" she countered.

"I couldn't sleep either." he replied. This was it, she was either going to accept or decline the dinner invitation. His stomach flipped as he waited for Toni to say something.

"Thank you for the roses, they're beautiful." Toni said.

"Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman whose birthday happens to be today." Mason replied. "Have you thought about my dinner invitation?" he asked deciding to take the lead.

"I have and.... I would like to go to dinner with you."

Mason did a little jig while managing to sound calm. 

"Do you like Italian?" he asked.

"Italian is good." Toni replied not quite believing that she was actually saying yes to a date.

********

Barbara pulled out all of the stops for Toni's birthday dinner which included Toni's favorite dessert instead of the traditional birthday cake.

"She never did really care for birthday cake." Barbara explained when Mason asked about it. "So we always have strawberry shortcake." she added.

Gina sat watching but not saying anything, she saw the little looks that Mason gave Toni and knew that his interest in her was far from platonic even though he acted otherwise, she was about to open her mouth when Robert kicked her. It was too damned soon, she thought as she clamped her mouth shut. Robert had warned her to keep her mouth shut going so far as to tell her that if she couldn't swear to it, that he'd leave her at home and make up an excuse for her absence.

She forced herself to smile and to join in on the conversation but she fooled no one, not even Jamie who was looking at her with a curious expression on his face.

It wasn't until later in the evening that Mason got a few minutes to talk to Toni alone.

"What would Jamie like to do on Sunday?" he asked.

"There's some animated movie that he wants to see, I was thinking maybe the afternoon matinee." Toni replied.

"I'm good with the movie but I'm afraid the afternoon isn't a good time, anytime after five would be perfect." Mason replied.

"Oh, well alright." Toni replied. "I think that there's a six o'clock showing, will that work?"

"That would be perfect." Mason replied.

The evening finished with Jamie reading from the book that he and Mason had read from together the last time that they were together.

"That was very good!" Mason complimented making Jamie beam with pride. "The next time let's pick out something a little bit harder." Mason suggested.

Barbara and Ben looked at each other and then at Toni sitting on the couch next to Jamie with Mason on the other side of him. They both wondered why Toni wasn't seeing what they were; Mason was falling in love with her and she, whether she was aware of it or not; more than liked him.

*******

The evening ended shortly thereafter because Toni wanted to get a good night's sleep. The movers were coming early to begin moving things to her condo. Jamie was going to stay with James' parents so that her parents could help her finish any little odds and ends.

Mason once again insisted on providing dinner although everyone told him that he didn't have to.

"I really don't mind, I'll be at the condo by six. Are there any requests?"

Chinese was the winner with Jamie requesting "lots of egg rolls"

Jamie kissed everyone including Mason good bye before leaving with Robert and Gina. Toni thought that he seemed to be a little reluctant but thought that it was her imagination.

When Jamie was safely strapped in and they were on the way to Robert and Gina's condo, Gina noticed that Jamie was much quieter than usual.

"Jamie honey, don't you feel well?" she asked.

"I'm ok." He replied.

"You're awfully quiet, are you sure that you're alright?" Gina pressed.

"Gramma Gina?" 

"Yes honey?"

"Why are you mad at mom?" Jamie asked.

"I'm not mad at your mom." Gina said. "Why would you think that?"

"I dunno it just seemed like you were mad." Jamie replied and said no more.

"Out of the mouths of babes." Robert murmured just loud enough for Gina to hear.

Later when Jamie was in bed, Robert had another talk with Gina.

"If a five year old picked up on your anger, then everyone else did as well and that includes me. Frankly, I've had enough of it. Toni has had a horrible three years and she's entitled to be happy and personally, I like that Mason Donahue and so does Jamie. Of all of us, you're the one that is still trying to keep her miserable because you are and that tells me something, you need to go talk to someone and I don't really care who it is."




Mason Ch. 11



"It's only been three years and I still miss him but the rest of you act as if he didn't exist. You all act as if... as if everything is normal and it isn't! His wife is gallivanting around with another man when she should still be mourning James and you all are encouraging it!" Gina exclaimed crying.

Robert sighed and then hugged her, "Gina, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about and miss James but sweetheart, life does go on as it should. Toni is a beautiful young woman who has already come to grips with James' death and is ready to move on and I think that you need to as well. Tomorrow, call your therapist and make an appointment."

Gina nodded her agreement, Robert was right about everything, she had to let James go.

*******

The movers arrived bright and early and were soon loading the truck with the things going to the condo, once they were done, Toni would come back and cover whatever furniture was left with sheets, set up the alarm system and leave. Toni walked around the house taking the time to spend a few minutes in each room remembering whatever events had taken place there. The last place she went was their bedroom; she picked up the box of disc, took a last look around and walked out. The saying 'today is the first day of the rest of your life' went through her head as she set the alarm and walked out.

Jamie was already at the condo with her parents when she got there eager to begin decorating his room. His box of new posters and whatever else that he was going to decorate his room with sat on the floor by his feet. He greeted her with his standard enthusiastic hug and kiss.

"Mom!"

"Good morning to you too!" Toni said returning the hug and kiss.

"Did you eat this morning?" Barbara asked.

"Not yet but I will." Toni replied looking around. "Where's Gina and Robert?" she asked.

"Gina had an early appointment; they dropped Jamie off on the way." Barbara replied.

As soon as they were inside, Jamie took off to his room and shut the door so that he could decorate in private. Toni wondered what the big secret was but didn't ask. In a way, she was glad that Jamie was out of earshot, she wanted to ask her parents to baby sit in private.

"Mom, are you doing anything on Monday night?" she asked.

"Not that I know of, your father will probably spend the evening looking at ESPN but I don't think that we're going anywhere. Why?"

Toni took a deep breath.

"I'm going out to dinner with Mason and...."

"I knew it!" Barbara squealed. "I knew it! Ben did you hear?"

"I heard." Ben said quietly with a smile that Toni recognized as one of approval.

"Hold it you two, it's just dinner." Toni said trying to curb their enthusiasm.

"What time? No, better yet, Jamie can spend the day and night with us. He likes watching sports with his grampa." Barbara said. "That way you won't feel rushed to get home. Where's he taking you?"

"Mom, slow down." Toni said laughing.

The arrival of the moving truck curtailed any further conversation. As per their agreement, the movers started with Jamie's room so that he could start to unpack his things. While the unloading was happening, Ben and Jamie ran out to get food for breakfast giving Barbara a chance to talk to Toni alone.

"Robert says that Gina is finally going to get some help in dealing with James' and he wanted us to know that anything that Gina said or did was out of grief."

Toni didn't say anything at first, she wasn't completely convinced that grief was all that motivated Gina but in the interest of family harmony she accepted it.

"James' dying affected so many people outside of this family." she said and then told her mother about Tom.

"You don't think that it was negligence do you?" Barbara asked.

"I would be less than honest if I said that the thought didn't cross my mind but no, I don't believe that it was negligence. We all knew that he could die at anytime; it just happened a lot sooner than any of us wanted, at least Tom's getting help and I need to be a better friend to him. I had my family but Tom had no one to help him through James's death, I should have been there for him." Toni said.

"You also had a full plate." Barbara reminded her.

"I know but if I had just reached out to him, he might not be where he is now."

Several hours later, the movers were gone and the condo was full of boxes waiting to be unpacked. It reminded Toni of why she had always hated moving.

*******

The day went slowly for Mason; he could hardly wait until it was time to go to Toni's. He was in the middle of making the fried rice when he had a thought, Dudley. He hadn't thought to tell him not to mention anything about him buying the condo. He turned the stove down and reached for his phone. Fortunately, Dudley was in.

"This is Mason Donahue calling, I bought th..... Yes. Oh congratulations, I'm glad that I was able to help you reach your goal.... Yes. The reason for my call is to ask a favor of you. I don't mind that you mention that the condo was sold but I would appreciate you not saying by whom. Yes I value my privacy and could you also make sure that your co-workers are aware? Good. Thank you and enjoy your Hawaiian vacation."

That done, Mason returned to the stove and finished cooking the rice. He turned the burner down to low and began to make the egg rolls. He hadn't asked Jamie what kind he liked so he was making some of every kind and creating a few as he went. He wondered if Toni liked to cook but suspected not, every time the subject of food came up, it was either Barbara cooking or takeout. If not then that was fine, he enjoyed cooking and didn't cook enough as far as he was concerned. The egg rolls were assembled and he began to work on the chicken lo mein and beef and broccoli, he knew that he was making too much food but it the leftovers would be good for lunches.

By four-thirty, the egg rolls were frying and the other food in airtight containers, the condiments were already packed and ready to go. By five, Mason was in his car and headed over to Toni's condo, the smell of the freshly cooked food making his stomach rumble. 

The moving truck was already gone which freed up a parking space close to the condo, as soon as he got out of the car, he heard Jamie calling him.

"Dr. Mason!" a few minutes later, Jamie was at the car offering to help carry something. Mason gave him the lightest thing that he could find and followed him up to the condo. Ben met him at the door and took a box from him.

"Where do you go that you get nice containers like these?" Ben asked.

"I made dinner." Mason replied.

"You cooked all of this?" Toni asked.

"I like to cook so it was no problem." Mason replied.

After dinner, everyone was stuffed; Jamie took Mason to his room to show him the posters that he hung up. "Dr. Mason, do you like my mom?" Jamie asked out of the blue.

The question caught Mason off guard but he answered honestly.

"Yes, I like her, is that alright with you?"

"That's good, I like you too." Jamie replied as he pulled out the next book that he wanted to read with Mason.

The book was a little advanced for Jamie but Mason didn't discourage him.

"That's a good book, how about we start it later?" he said.

Gina and Robert had just arrived when they rejoined the others, although they had already eaten, Robert had to try Mason's homemade Chinese food.

"This is excellent!" he exclaimed and offered a bite to Gina who declined.

"We just wanted to stop by and bring you a house warming gift." she said as she handed Toni a box. "I know that you like candles so..."

"Thank you Gina." Toni said as she opened the box to look at the candle. It was a beautiful deep purple that would look nice in the living room. "It's beautiful." Toni said.

"It's one of those soy ones that are supposed to last a long time; I got myself and Barbara one too." Gina added.

Toni hugged Gina recognizing the candles for what they were, an apology but this time a sincere one. As she hugged Gina, Toni whispered in her ear, "I will never forget James."

Gina hugged Toni tighter and then broke away sniffling. "I think I will try one of those egg rolls."

The men and Jamie put the beds together while the women unpacked the kitchen, it was tense at first until Gina started laughing. Toni and Barbara looked at each other and then her.

"I don't know why I just thought about this but Toni, sweetie, why do you have pots and pans when you don't cook?" Gina asked,

"Because... oh hell, I don't know! James would never let me near the kitchen." she replied seeing the humor in the whole thing.

"I was just asking." Gina said still chuckling.

The men heard the laughter and relaxed, as far as Mason was concerned, another piece had just fallen into place. He had the approval of Toni's parents, Jamie and now James' family although their approval meant nothing. He had approval from the people that he wanted it from, Barbara, Ben and Jamie. Now there was just Toni.

*******

"Mom! Hurry up it's almost time to go!" Jamie called into her room. 

"Coming!" she called back grumpily. 

In less than an hour, Mason had taught Jamie how to tell time and now he was the official time keeper.

"Mom!" Jamie called again this time his impatience clear.

Toni ignored him and glanced at the clock, she still had ten minutes before Mason got there. She stood in the large walk in closet and debated as to which top she should wear and finally decided on the mint green long sleeved top and then decided to change her shoes while she was at it. By the time she was done with her fashion revisions, it was almost five-thirty and she wondered why Jamie wasn't yelling for her to hurry.

She grabbed a jacket and rushed out of the room to find Jamie sitting on the sofa with Mason reading out loud.

"Sorry guys." she mumbled.

"No worries, I already have the tickets so that we won't have to stand in line." Mason said as he took the book from Jamie and closed it.

Jamie jumped up and grabbed his jacket, "come on you guys!" he said and ran out of the door.

As they walked by the condo next to hers Toni said, "I heard that someone bought it but I haven't seen him yet."

"How do you know that it's a male?" Mason asked.

"Because I asked." Toni replied. "I want to know who my neighbor is but anyway; all that they would tell me was that it was a man and that he wanted no information about him to be given out. I find that kind of suspicious."

"I don't know." Mason said with a shrug, "maybe he just likes his privacy."

"Then why buy a condo where you're going to have a neighbor?" Toni asked.

Mason didn't reply as he unlocked the car doors and held the door open for Toni and then Jamie. He hoped that the conversation about the condo would be dropped and thanks to Jamie it was.

"Are we going to have popcorn and candy?" he asked as soon as Mason was in the car.

"Popcorn yes, candy no." Toni replied firmly effectively ending the pitch for candy before it even started.

The line for the movies wasn't as long as Mason had anticipated which was why he purchased the tickets early. He led them to the theater, found seats and then left again to get the refreshments. Jamie liked his popcorn plain as did he but Toni was the salt and butter queen. 

"Make sure that they fill the bag half full, put the butter on and then they can add the rest of the butter on the top. Don't worry about the salt, I have my own supply." she told him. 

He watched in amazement as Toni pulled out a salt shaker that contained butter flavored popcorn salt and liberally doused the butter soaked popcorn.

"You're really going to eat that?" he asked.

"Yep, want some?" Toni asked.

"No, thanks." Mason replied as he watched her put a few of the kernels into her mouth.

Toni's eyes closed in bliss as the flavor of the popcorn, salt and butter exploded on her tongue. It had been months since she and Jamie had been to a movie although if he had his way, they'd be at a movie every week.

Mason watched Toni's reaction to the popcorn and got an idea of what she would look like as she was being pleasured. It wasn't a good thing to think about he realized as he felt his cock which hadn't been inside of a woman since Gretchen tingle. 

He made himself stop watching Toni and turned his attention to Jamie.

"Do you need the bathroom before the movie starts?" he asked.

"I think that maybe you should go." Toni said remembering the last time that she and Jamie were at the movies. He had to go soon after the movie started and then they had a hard time finding their seats again.

Jamie reluctantly agreed, sat his popcorn down and waited for Mason. The theater was almost full so when they left, Toni put her Jacket in Mason's seat and sat Jamie's popcorn in his. Several minutes later, a couple came in looking for seats that were together, spotting the two seats next to Toni, they edged their way in crawling over the people on the end.

"I'm sorry but those seats are taken." Toni said politely.

The man of the couple looked put out and was ready to leave but the woman stopped him.

"How do we know that they're taken?" she asked.

"Come on babe, the lady says that their taken." the man said.

"But how do we know? She might be one of them who don't like to be touched or somethin'" the woman said with a slurred voice.

"I assure you that these seats are taken." Toni said firmly.

"Mom?" Jamie asked from behind the couple.

The woman turned around and looked at Jamie.

"Aren't you a cutie pie? I could just take you home with me!" she slurred.

Mason finally reached the seats; he had to wait until everyone on the end got up so that he could get in.

"Toni is there a problem?" he asked.

The man's eyes widened when he saw Mason. He took the woman by the arm and began to lead her away mumbling his apologies.

"Can't leave you alone for five minutes can we?" he teased.

The previews began so Toni didn't get a chance to respond, if she would have, she would have been shushed by Jamie; the previews were his favorite part of going to the movies.

Throughout the movie, Mason kept looking over at Toni and wondered what she was thinking. He wondered if she was beginning to feel more than the pull of mates and if she knew that he was developing feelings for her. Barbara and Ben knew that he was and even Jamie knew that's why he asked him if he liked his mom.

After the movie, Jamie begged for ice cream. 

"Not tonight." she said. "You ate your entire bag of popcorn and drank all of your soda, add ice cream to that and we're talking a big stomach ache."

"But mom..." Jamie started to say.

"Next time we'll go for ice cream alright?" Mason said.

Jamie pouted but agreed. 

Toni was surprised that Jamie had given in so easily, usually she had to get downright firm with him in order for him to give up. 

Jamie was out of the car and running toward the building when Mason called him back. When Jamie reached him, Mason knelt down to eye level and took him by the arms.

"A man never leaves a woman, young, old, beautiful or not to get in or out of a car alone. A man escorts the woman to her door ensuring that she reaches her home safely. Do you understand?" Mason asked.

"Yes Dr, Mason." Jamie replied.

"Good, shall we escort your mother to your condo?" Mason asked.

Jamie nodded, went to the passenger side of the car and with Mason's help opened the door. He watched as Mason offered his hand to Toni and made sure that she was clear of the car door before closing it. Mason looked down at Jamie and gave him a wink as Jamie took Toni's free hand and walked to the condo.

Mason stayed long enough to wait for Jamie to change into his pajamas and to read a short story with him before saying his goodnights. At the door, he looked down at Toni, bent down and kissed her lightly on the lips before walking away without giving her a chance to respond.

Toni was surprised and then speechless. The kiss wasn't a platonic one by any stretch of the imagination but it wasn't erotic either, it was a simple statement. Mason Donahue was romantically interested in her.



Mason Ch. 12



Toni sat up long after Mason left and Jamie was asleep thinking about the brief kiss. Like the kiss on the cheek it wasn't an erotic kiss but it could have easily turned into one, the thought made her nervous. To help her relax, she unpacked her clothes and hung them up in the closet trying to figure out what to wear to dinner with Mason. She had several outfits to choose from but then decided not to wear any of them, somehow it didn't seem right. After she took Jamie to her parent's house, she would do the one thing that she hated more than anything that she could think of, she would go shopping.

She stopped unpacking long enough to take a good look at herself, maybe a visit to the hairdressers was in order and while she was at it a manicure and pedicure. It occurred to her that she was acting like a teenager going out on her first date. In a way she supposed, that she was, not the teenager part but going out on her first date. She hadn't been out with anyone since James and wondered if the rules of dating had changed.

Toni's stomach gave a nervous lurch, she was tempted to look at that last disc again but didn't. James had given her the freedom to be with someone if she chose to be, it was time to accept that gift whether it be with Mason or someone else. She couldn't deny that she was attracted to Mason and that she liked him, what was there not to like? He was tall- she had always been partial to tall men, he was a gentleman who was hell of a cook and he liked Jamie. It was a sincere like, not the kind of pretend like that people sometimes did when they were attracted to someone with kids and Jamie liked him in return.

When the last of her clothes was hung, she unpacked the boxes containing her underclothes, "new ones" she mumbled adding underclothes to her list of things to buy along with shoes and accessories for whatever outfit that she purchased. Finally finished, Toni took a hot soak in her Jacuzzi/bathtub grateful that no one was living below her as the sound of the jets filled the bathroom. Toni carefully climbed out of the tub, dried off and applied a liberal amount of 'Keri oil' to her dark skin before putting on her pajamas. She brushed her teeth, turned out the bathroom light and went into her bedroom to find Jamie sitting on her bed.

"Jamie? What's wrong?" Toni asked.

"My stomach hurts." he replied as he rubbed his stomach.

"Too much popcorn huh?" Toni asked sympathetically. "Come on, lets see if we can find the mint tea." she said holding out her hand.

An hour later, Jamie was back in bed saying that he felt much better. Toni sat on the edge of the bed until he fell asleep and then went to her own bed. For once, sleep came easily.

*******

Mason drove home thinking about how soft Toni's lips felt pressed lightly to his, it was all that he could do to walk away before he turned the kiss into something that he didn't think that she was ready for. The one thing that he was sure of was that Toni was drawn to him as he was to her and that she was struggling with the feelings, if she wasn't then she would be. He hadn't decided on what restaurant to take her to and had given some thought to calling Ethan's Caesar for a night at his restaurant but it was too short a notice and it might be a bit much. He would save that for another time, for a special occasion of some sort. 

He arrived home to several messages all of them from Joyce.

"Hey Mason!" she said in a cheery voice. "I was wondering if you could cover me tomorrow night. There's a concert that I've been dying to go to and a friend has extra tickets, call me no matter what time it is."

Mason hit the delete button, he wasn't going to do anything of the sort, and Toni came first. It was the last message that made him call Joyce back.

"Hey Mason, it's eleven and you're not home yet or are you busy with Toni? Call me back when you're done!"

Mason picked up the phone and dialed Joyce's number. It rang three times before she finally answered it.

"Mason? It's about...."

"What did I tell you about minding your own business?" Mason interrupted.

"What's got your panties in a wad?" Joyce asked surprised at Mason's tone.

"We talked about this." Mason said. "Stay out of my business."

Joyce was silent for several seconds, "Mason look, if you don't want people talking about you and Toni then you need to stop having lunch together, of course then the topic will be why you split up so it's a catch twenty-two. I will admit that leaving that message on your machine was well... not the best thing to do but I thought that we were friends and friends do tease." she said.

Joyce was right he realized. If he didn't want any talk about him and Toni then they shouldn't have been seen together at the hospital but that didn't change the fact that Joyce was a busybody and they were not friends.

"So," Joyce said. "About tomorrow night...."

"No." Mason said.

"No?" Joyce asked surprised by his answer. "Why not?" she asked.

"I don't have to give you a reason." Mason said. "The answer is no." Mason said and then hung up before Joyce could say anything else.

As much as he hated to admit it, Joyce did have a point. They were in a catch twenty-two situation, "fuck" he grumbled and then stopped short. He couldn't talk like that with a child around, "oh fu..." he started to say and then stopped himself. Maybe he could curse in private he thought to himself but then decided that the best thing to do would be to stop cursing altogether. It occurred to him that it was going to be difficult to break a centuries old habit but for Toni and Jamie, he would try.

*******

Toni was up just after nine because she heard Jamie in the kitchen. She got up, put on her house robe and went to see what he was up to.

"Morning." Toni said interrupting him.

"Hi mom." Jamie greeted.

"What are you up to?" Toni asked.

"I was going to make pancakes for you." Jamie replied.

"I see." Toni replied with a smile. "So Chef Jamie, do you know how to make pancakes?" 

"I watched gramma and it looks easy." he replied.

"Why don't we do this, when you go to grammas and grandpa's house today, you ask her to write the recipe down and then we'll try to make them here?" Toni suggested.

Jamie's face scrunched up in thought but he finally agreed.

"Good, now let's get dressed and we'll go get breakfast before I take you over to gramma's house." Toni said as she ruffled Jamie's head. It was too long and needed to be cut, she would ask her dad to give him a hair cut sometime during his stay there.

As Toni dressed, she made the phone calls to the beauty salon and to the boutique she shopped at on the rare occasions that she shopped.

"Amanda? Oh good you're there. This is Toni Jacobson, I'm fine thank you. I need a new outfit and was hoping that you would be there to help me out. Great! I'll be there sometime later in the morning. See you then."

Toni's stomach gave another nervous lurch, tonight she would be going out with another man. She was surprised to find that just as she was nervous, she was excited as well and maybe just a little bit scared. The fear wasn't because she thought that Mason would hurt her, it was because she was beginning to see him as a man that she liked being around. For a few brief seconds, the slight fear turned into panic and then eased turning back into being just a little scared. 

"I am not betraying James." Toni murmured to herself. "I am not betraying him, he would want me to do this." she added and finished dressing.

Jamie was reading the last book that he and Mason read together. Toni could see his lips moving as he sounded out the hard words. He would have an advantage when he started school next year. School. Her baby was going to be going to school next year; it was time to start thinking about private versus public school but not now but later when she had the time to really think about the options.

They had breakfast at 'Denny's' which had remained her favorite place even after James had died even though she rarely went and had never taken Jamie there. The staff all knew them and many of them had gone to James' funeral service. The manager greeted her at the door with a smile.

"Dr. Jacobson! It's been awhile. And who is this handsome young man?"

"I know it has and this is our son Jamie." Toni replied.

"It is very nice to meet you Jamie." the manager said. "You're favorite booth is open if you want it." The manager said to Toni.

Toni hesitated and almost said no but then agreed. She took Jamie's hand and followed the manager to the booth. When they were sitting, she said to Jamie, "When your papa was alive, we used to sit right here every time we came here for breakfast. As a matter of fact, you're sitting where he used to sit." Toni said.

Jamie appeared suitably impressed and from that time on, whenever they ate at that 'Denny's he always sat there. Toni looked at Jamie and missed James, he would have been so proud of Jamie and she told him so.

"What did papa like to eat?" Jamie asked as he looked at the menu.

"He liked the 'grand slam' breakfast with the eggs scrambled." Toni replied.

Jamie chewed his lower lip like he always did when he was thinking. When the server came for their orders, Jamie ordered the same breakfast that James' always ordered bringing tears to Toni's eyes. That he wouldn't eat nearly all of it didn't matter, it was the thought behind the order that counted.

Toni ordered her usual order, a 'Denver omelet' and a cup of coffee.

Jamie ate a little more than a quarter of his meal before declaring himself full.

"Can I take the rest to grammas? He asked.

Toni had the remaining food packed up; she paid the bill and left the restaurant with promises to return soon.

After dropping Jamie off, she went for her manicure and pedicure. She had forgotten how much she had enjoyed being pampered. It wasn't something that she had done a lot of and when she did, it was because James took it upon himself to make an appointment for her sometimes including the whole spa package. She would often protest that they didn't need to spend money for things like that and he would just kiss her and push her out the door.

"Sweetness, you deserve to be pampered so go and enjoy, I'll be here when you get back." he would say.

Her nails really did look bad but by the time the manicurist was done, they looked absolutely gorgeous. The color of the polish that she chose was a deep red, her second favorite color. The nails on her hands looked so good that she decided to have her toes painted in the same shade.

The hairdresser was the next stop. Her hair had grown considerably longer but was in serious need of a trim. The hairdresser tried to talk her into putting blond highlights in her hair but Toni wouldn't budge.

"That just isn't me." she replied when the man asked her for the third time about adding some color to her hair.

"But a little change is good." he said as he examined Toni's hair. "Just think about it, a little blond here and here..."

"Look." Toni said finally out of patience. "I don't want blond, blue or highlights of any kind; I just want a wash, a deep conditioning and a cut. Is that too much to ask for?"

The hairdresser looked contrite.

"I'm sorry but they want us to push the other services and they actually listen to see if we are...."

"I get it." Toni replied. "What else do you have other than the coloring thing?" she asked.

Toni walked out of the salon feeling like a million bucks. The deep conditioning had done wonders for her hair as well as the new cut that Julian gave her. She also left the salon with over one hundred dollars in hair care products and with Julian's card which made his day.

Amanda was waiting for her at the boutique and greeted her with a hug.

"It's good to see you and I'm so sorry about James!" she said.

"It's good to see you too." Toni replied and told Amanda what she needed.

Three hours later, Toni left the boutique with a red dress that almost matched the color of the nail polish, matching undergarments and matching shoes. By the time she got home, it was almost four and Mason was coming at five-thirty. She grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge on the way to her bedroom tossing the sacks with her purchases on the bed on her way to the bathroom. She ran the bathtub and went back to the bedroom to take the dress out if the bag to hang it up. It was a nice dress she thought as she looked at it again, the top part of the dress showed off her large breasts without making them look obscene, the waist gathered in and then the rest of the dress flared out minimizing her hips and behind. The hem of the dress would end just an inch or two above her knees, the three inch red heels would give it a slightly sexy look.

"Am I really doing this?" Toni asked herself as she undressed, added 'Keri bath oil' into the tub and climbed in. she turned on the jets and tried to relax. "It's just dinner." she mumbled.

*******

Mason had a very restless rest of the evening and day. Tonight was going to be one of the most important nights of his long life. Tonight, he hoped that the bond between him and Toni would kick in full force and that they could proceed to the next step-what humans called a monogamous relationship. They were already doing that but it wasn't "official" and wouldn't be until both of them acknowledged it as such.

He wondered what she would wear tonight but it really didn't matter, she would look lovely no matter what it was. The question was what was he going to wear? And he probably should have gotten his hair cut. It was longer than he usually wore it, it just barely touched his shoulders "f..." he started and then stopped himself. After deciding to leave his hair as it was, Mason went to his closet and looked through his many suits. The problem he realized was that they were all suits that he used for work.

Going shopping was out of the question, he loved shopping as much as he loved watching the news. He could wander around a store for hours and he didn't want to take the chance that he would lose track of time. In the end, he chose the suit that looked the least business like. It was the one that he wore the least specifically for that reason; it was charcoal gray with pinstripes that looked good with the gray dress shirt. To take away from the business look, Mason decided to forego the tie until he remembered that the restaurant had a dress code. It took him an hour to pick out a tie that he was satisfied with. As he was double checking the color combination of the suit, shirt and tie his cell phone rang.

Joyce.

"Hey look, I'm sorry about last night." she said as soon as he answered, not giving him a chance to say hello. "I shouldn't have left that on a message, so are you busy tonight? I really want to go to that concert."

"Joyce, I answered you last night, I said no and that hasn't changed." Mason replied.

"I can't bribe you somehow? I'll even work a weekend for you." Joyce said clearly begging.

"Sorry but I can't." Mason said and hung up.

A few minutes later the phone rang again, this time it was Toni.

"Hey look. Maybe we could do this another night." she said.

"Why? Are you not feeling well?" he asked concerned.

"No, it's not that it's just that... I don't know what it is." Toni said.

"Toni, are you nervous?" Mason asked taking the bull by the horns.

Her silence confirmed his suspicions. "If it helps, I'm nervous too." he said.

That revelation surprised Toni; he could hear it in her voice.

"You? Why?" she asked.

"You're not the only one that's going out for the first time since losing someone." he replied. He didn't consider what he and Gretchen had as going out, he didn't even consider it to have been a real relationship as it was only physical with no emotional attachment at least not his end and not too much on Gretchen's.

"I hadn't thought about that." Toni replied.

"You know, we don't have to go out if you don't want to. I can make dinner here and we could watch a movie if you want." Mason said actually liking the idea a little more than going out for dinner.

"I.... I don't know." Toni hedged.

"I don't bite and it would take some of the pressure off and I make a mean pasta. What do you think?" Mason asked.

The more Toni thought about it, the better she liked the idea. "What time do you want me there?" she asked.

"I'll come for you as planned." Mason replied.

*******

After Toni hung up, she thought about what had just happened. "What's wrong with me?" she asked as she picked up the phone again.

"Mason, look, I changed my mind. Yes I'm sure. See you soon."

And then she wasn't so sure but she refused to call Mason for a third time to tell him that she had changed her mind yet again. She glanced at the clock, time was racing by and she needed to start getting dressed, she oiled her body and put on the undergarments. The deep red color of the bra and panties looked good against her skin she decided as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. The black pantyhose went on next, Toni went slowly, she was notorious for poking holes in panty hose when she put them on; just to be safe, she bought two extra pair.

Toni slipped the dress on and examined herself again and decided that it would do, she applied a little lipstick not bothering with any other makeup, it was an art in which she had never become proficient at and she really didn't have the inclination to learn. She had just put her shoes on when the doorbell rang.

*******

Mason was early but he couldn't wait any longer to see Toni. He stood at the door patiently holding a bouquet of roses. He felt himself calm as he heard Toni approach the door to let him in, tonight was going to be a good night he assured himself.

When Toni opened the door, Mason's mouth went dry when he saw her. He had always considered her beautiful but tonight, dressed in red, she was beyond beautiful. He realized that he was staring at her and recovered himself.

"Toni, you look... beautiful." he told her handing her the roses.

"Thank you for the complement and the roses." Toni replied nervously.

She let Mason in so that she could put the roses in water. Her stomach was flipping so much that she was to the point of nausea. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and rejoined Mason in the living room. He really is handsome she thought to herself. Physically his dark hair and eyes reminded her of James but that was where the similarity ended. Mason was taller than James had been by a good three inches and was bulkier where James had been muscular but thinner. Personality wise, the two men were polar opposites but they would have liked each other if they had met when James was sober.

Mason waited for a few seconds before offering Toni his arm, "are you ready?" he asked with a smile.

Toni smiled back and took the offered arm thankful that there were no nosy neighbors to watch them. Mason helped her into the car making sure that she was comfortable before getting in himself. The drive to the restaurant was quiet with neither of them saying very much, Mason was waiting for Toni and she was waiting for him. Finally, Mason had had enough of the pussy footing around and took charge.

"I've never been to this particular restaurant before so I can't vouch for how good it is." he said as he pulled up to the valet parking space.

"I'm sure that it'll be fine." Toni said.

The valet came to the car as soon as Mason stopped, while he talked with the valet that would be parking the car, the other valet opened her car door and moved to let her out. Mason excused himself and moved in to offer his hand to Toni. The valet's eyes widened in surprise and he murmured "cool" under his breath.

As Mason and Toni walked away, Mason had to wonder what was wrong with people today. It was or should be common courtesy to hold doors open or to assist a woman from a vehicle. Apparently such things were no longer taught to young men.




Mason Ch. 12



They were greeted at the door by a pleasant young woman who led them to their table. Mason kept looking around the restaurant; something didn't feel quite right to him. He glanced over at Toni who was looking around just as he was. The restaurant looked clean; the staff was impeccably dressed so what was wrong? He wondered. Then it hit him, this wasn't Toni, she wasn't comfortable here and it had nothing to do with being on a date. She wasn't a dress up kind of woman, he didn't know how he could have missed that, even at home she was always in jeans or sweats and at work her dress was as casual as the dress policy would allow.

"Toni, let's go." he said taking her hand.

"What? We just got here." Toni said.

"I know but this doesn't feel right, let's go somewhere else." Mason said standing just as their server came to the table.

"Is everything alright?" the server asked.

"Yes, the restaurant is lovely but I'm afraid that we must leave." Mason said as he helped Toni out of her chair.

Once outside Toni turned to Mason, "mind telling me what that was all about?" she asked.

"This place, it wasn't the right place to bring you for a first date." Mason said. "I want tonight to be relaxed and not stuck up and stuffy. How about a drive up the coast?" he asked. "We'll find a place to eat on the way."

"But it's dark out." Toni said but secretly she was glad to be out of the restaurant. Every once in a while she and James would go to an upscale restaurant but it was usually because it was where his parents wanted to meet or there was some function to attend.

"The moon's out and it's much too beautiful a night to be indoors, what do you think?" he asked.

Toni shrugged, "I'm game if you are."

A few minutes later, they were in the car and headed toward the water. Toni kicked off her shoes with a sigh of relief; she hated wearing heels as much as she hated dressing up. Before long, Mason pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant that he had heard about. They were much overdressed but they would both be more comfortable here.

"I've heard about this place." Toni said. "They're supposed to have the best deep fried shrimp around." she added.

"I guess we're about to find out." Mason replied as he parked the car and got out.

He opened the car door for Toni and helped her out. Toni stood by the car, closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the ocean as the warm breeze blew across her hair across her face. Mason reached over and pushed her hair behind her ears without speaking. This felt right he thought as he waited for Toni to indicate that she was ready to go in.

A few minutes later, they were inside of the restaurant sitting in a corner booth. After the first initial looks, everyone went back to eating their food. Their server was an older woman who could recite the menu from memory she had been working there for that long. 

"What would you like?" Mason asked as he looked over the menu that the server had just quoted verbatim.

"I don't know why you don't go first I should know what I want by then." Toni replied.

Mason looked at the server with a smile. "Could you give us a few more minutes?" he asked.

The server smiled back and left the table only to come back ten minutes later. This time Toni was ready but the server asked Mason for his order first. Mason deferred to Toni.

"Have you decided?" he asked.

Toni ordered the jumbo butterfly shrimp, baked potato with all of the trimmings and a salad along with a Pepsi. Mason ordered the identical dinner with the exception of the drink, he had beer instead of the cola. When the server was gone, Mason leaned forward and said "tell me about Dr. Toni Jacobson." in a conspirator whisper.

Toni leaned forward and whispered, "There isn't much to tell." and then leaned back.

"I don't believe that." Mason said leaning back as their server came back with a basket of warm cheese biscuits and a plate of butter.

Toni shrugged, "really there isn't much to tell. I'm an only child but you already know that. You know my parents who by the way are thrilled that we're out together. I've never wanted to be anything but a doctor, I never wanted to be a beauty queen or anything like that. I never saw myself as a wife let alone a mother just a doctor, nothing more and nothing less but you have me at a disadvantage, you know much more about me than I do you so tell me about yourself." Toni said as she took a bite out of one of the warm biscuit.

"Well, I have no siblings; my parents still live but don't live here in the states although they visit every so often. I like to watch the news and I read every newspaper I can get my hands on and as you know, I love to cook." Mason replied.

"Why psychiatry as opposed to other fields in medicine?" Toni asked.

"I don't know, I guess I was and am still intrigued by the v... human mind." Mason said correcting himself before he said vampire. "The brain is what catches my interest, the rest of the body is important but it is the brain that controls it." Mason replied. 

"That's true but I like trying to figure out what's wrong with the body and leave the mental stuff to your profession." Toni replied. "The question that I have for you is this, why leave a lucrative private practice to work at a hospital?" she asked.

Toni was relaxed now; their conversation now flowed freely and without reticence. Mason was glad that they left the Italian restaurant.

"I started out in a hospital setting and decided to go back to it for a while. I haven't given up my private practice, I still see a few select patients." he replied.

"So it's the going back to your roots thing is that it?" Toni asked not sounding convinced.

"Something like that." Mason replied keenly aware that Toni was more perceptive than she realized.

Their conversation was interrupted by the server arriving with their food. Toni took a bite of her shrimp and pronounced it excellent, a sentiment echoed by Mason. Neither of them spoke for several minutes as they ate their food. What Mason appreciated was that Toni ate like she normally ate; she didn't put on airs and pick at her food like some of the other human women that he knew. In watching her, he could see why James fell in love with her, hell he was in love with her himself.

Mason's fork stopped halfway to his mouth, he had just admitted to himself that he was in love with Toni Jacobson. When had that happened? He wondered. He knew that he was falling in love with her but at what point did he fall completely in love with her? 

"Mason? Are you alright?" Toni asked.

"What?" Mason asked.

"I asked if you were alright, you just froze with your fork halfway to your mouth." Toni replied.

"I'm fine; I just had a thought is all." Mason replied putting the fork down on his plate.

"Care to share?" Toni asked.

"I was just thinking that I'm glad that you agreed to have dinner with me." Mason replied which was true even if he hadn't been thinking about it at that moment.

"Wow, I never made someone stop eating before." Toni replied but she didn't believe him. He was lying to her again and she didn't understand how she knew that.

"Toni, I really am glad that you're here with me." Mason said quietly.

"Thank you for inviting me." Toni replied not sure of what else to say.

"You're welcome, how about a walk when we're finished?" Mason asked. He knew that Toni didn't believe him when he told her what he had been thinking about but he also knew that she wouldn't call him on it.

"Sure, I need the restroom first though." she said as she looked around for the restroom.

"It's behind you." Mason said and stood when Toni stood and didn't sit down until she had walked away.

When she came back, Mason stood again, held her chair for her as she sat down.

They heard an elderly man commenting to a younger man, "You see that? That's what you call manners, that is how a man is supposed to treat a lady."

"Yeah well, this isn't the olden days." The young man countered. "Women today don't want to be treated like that, they would call it sexual harassment or some shit like that. I'll bet that that woman didn't even like that he did that, she's just being polite and not saying anything."

This prompted Toni to speak.

"Excuse me but I couldn't help but to overhear your conversation." She said to the two men. "I for one happen to enjoy being treated like a lady so I'm not just being nice about it. I will grant you that there are women who might be offended by the courtesy that my dinner date has shown but I think that there are more women who do appreciate it than not." Toni said before turning back to Mason. "Sorry about that." she mumbled.

"Don't be, I have often wondered what happened to the art of being a gentleman...."

"Which reminds me." Toni interrupted, "Just how old are you? You look like you might be late thirties but forty tops but you have the mannerisms of someone much older."

Mason thought frantically, what age should he give her? "You're a good guesser, I'm thirty-nine." Mason replied.

He just lied to me again Toni thought as she looked at him and she wanted to know why but this wasn't the place or time to bring it up. She was having a nice time but she was going to find out why he was lying to her, none of the lies were anything big or important but it bothered her that he felt that he had to lie to her.

Toni definitely was his mate Mason realized, she knew that he was lying to her and it was only a matter of time before she asked him point blank why and he'd better be ready to either tell her the truth or ....there was no or. He would have to tell her the truth.

Mason paid the bill, stood up and held Toni's chair out for her. Placing his hand on the small of her back, he guided her to the exit. They walked a short way from the restaurant and looked toward the ocean, the breeze blew Toni's hair in her face and once again Mason pushed it behind her ear. That was it he realized, that was when he fell in love with her, something so simple was all that it had taken. As much as he wanted to push things to their ultimate conclusion, Mason forced himself to slow down. He started out by wooing her in the human way; he would win her heart in the human way.

They walked for a few minutes before Toni gave up and took her shoes off relishing the feeling of having her feet free.

"What time do you need to pick Jamie up?" Mason asked hoping that it wouldn't be too soon.

"He's staying with my parents for the night." Toni replied not seeing the glitter in Mason's eyes.

It was late well past midnight when he took Toni home. He walked her to the door and waited for her to unlock it.

"Would you like to come in for coffee?" she asked.

"Only if I make it." Mason teased. He found out during the evening that coffee wasn't the only thing that Toni couldn't do, she couldn't cook either.

"How is that possible?" he asked. "Your mother is a wonderful cook." 

"Yeah well, that was one of the things that I wasn't interested in." Tony had replied.

Toni got out the coffee and let Mason make it while she got out the mugs, sugar and creamer. Mason watched her out of the corner of his eye as she moved about the kitchen. He wondered what she would feel like in his arms but it was too soon to be thinking like that, it would only serve to get him more aroused than he was with no real way of relieving himself other than the obvious. To him that was no real option; he would wait for Toni and hope that he wouldn't have to wait for too long.

Toni put the coffee and creamer on a tray along side of the mugs and stood next to Mason waiting for the coffee to brew.

"I still haven't seen hide or hair of my neighbor." she said.

"Maybe he's just quiet or he's here the nights that you're at work." Mason replied.

"Maybe." Toni conceded as Mason poured the coffee into the mugs.

Toni had to wonder why Mason hadn't remarried or at least have a significant other. What woman in her right mind wouldn't jump at the chance to be with a man like him? As soon as the thought hit her, she realized that she really didn't like the idea of Mason being with anyone else.

Shit, she thought to herself as Mason followed her to the living room carrying the tray with the coffee, cream and sugar.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" Toni asked when they were sitting and each had their mug of coffee.

"Of course although I don't promise to answer." Mason replied.

"What happened to her? The one that you lost I mean." Toni asked.

So it begins, Mason thought as he took a sip of his coffee to buy him a few seconds.

"She didn't die if that's what you mean." Mason replied. "She's alive, well and happily married with twin daughters."

"I don't understand." Toni said, "When you said you lost her I thought that you meant that she died."

"Toni, there's more than one way to lose someone. I lost Katrina-that is her name to another man, she was his ma....wife and while he was away, I fell in love with her." Mason said.

Toni was silent for a minute before she spoke, "You had an affair with another man's wife?"

"No, it wasn't like that at all. Ethan was and is a friend who needed me to watch over Katrina while he dealt with some personal issues. I didn't plan to fall in love with her, it just happened but you need to know that the feeling wasn't reciprocated. Katrina never saw me as more than a friend who was with her when she had the twins, it was my fault that I stayed as long as I did."

"Why didn't you leave?" Toni asked believing him about the affair.

"I thought that maybe Ethan would fuck up and that she'd come to me but it didn't happen and to be honest, I knew that it wouldn't but I just couldn't make myself leave. When I left, I moved to Boston and joined a friend of mine in his practice."

Again Toni sensed no lie.

"Did her husband know how you felt about her?" Toni asked.

"He knew but he also knew that I wouldn't act on my feelings, my sense of honor wouldn't allow me to." Mason replied.

There it was again, that old way of thinking but Toni found that she liked it and she was also glad that there had been no affair.

"And you and he are still friends?" Toni asked somewhat surprised.

"We are." Mason replied

"The night that you helped me get James back to my apartment, she was the reason that you didn't want to have a drink with me wasn't she?" Toni asked.

"Yes and I have to admit, I regretted turning you down." Mason replied.

"Do you still love her?" Toni asked.

"I think that there will always be a part of me that will love her even though she didn't return my affections. Does that mean that I can't love someone else? Not at all. Katrina and I were never meant to be no matter how much I may wanted it. It just took me some time to understand that and once I did, I went through a grieving process similar to your own."

"I understand the love part of it." Toni said. "Whoever I ended up with, if I ended up with someone would have to understand that I loved James and that is something that will never change but not only that, I will always love him. I know that it isn't fair but that's the way I feel." Toni said.

"I think I mentioned to you before that it would be unreasonable for someone to expect you to forget James and what you had together. He loved you very much and you have Jamie that you adopted and raised as your own, for that reason alone, you could never forget James and what you had together. May I ask you a question?" Mason asked.

Toni hesitated before answering, "Only if I'm under no obligation to answer."

"Fair enough, why did you initially change your mind about tonight?" Mason asked.

"I... I thought that maybe I was betraying James somehow, that maybe Gina was right that it was too soon for me to be going out with someone." Toni replied.

"What changed your mind?" Mason asked.

"James." Toni replied. "The last disc that he left for me was his blessing for me to be with someone if I chose to be. He wanted me to be happy and told me that I wasn't supposed to feel guilty about it."

"And do you feel guilty about going out with me?" Mason asked.

"Not anymore but I did at the beginning." Toni admitted with a small smile. "By the way, I had a really good time." she added.

"Good enough to go out with me again?" Mason asked.

"Good enough for that." Toni said blushing uncharacteristically.

Mason said a silent word of thanks and smiled at Toni. "I think that the next date needs to include Jamie." Mason said as he sat his coffee cup down.

"He would like that, he was more than a little miffed that he didn't get to see you tonight and he wants to show off how well he can read." Toni said.

"I have to work tomorrow night, is it alright if I call you during my breaks?" Mason asked.

"Oh, umm sure. I don't go to bed too early." Toni replied suddenly feeling a little too warm.

"Toni, tell me about James." Mason said. He wanted to know more about the man that Toni had grieved over for three years.

"What do you want to know?" Toni asked.

"Whatever you want to tell me, I want to know about the man that loved you and Jamie so much." Mason said.

"This is really weird." Toni said. "Most men wouldn't want to spend the evening talking about another man." 

"I'm not most men and I think that you know that." Mason said.

Toni did know. She knew that there was something very different about Mason Donahue and she wanted to know what it was. It was more than his old fashioned mannerisms and his view on the way that he thought that women should be treated, it was.... What? She just couldn't put her finger on it.

"Tell me about him." Mason urged.

"James was probably one of the most patient men that I know...."

Two hours later, Toni was still talking. Mason didn't interrupt her once, he had seriously misjudged James the first time that he met him. That didn't excuse him being so drunk that he couldn't have protected Toni but Mason did understand the pain of losing someone.

He felt Toni's pain when she realized that something was seriously wrong with James. He felt her sadness as she talked about how they had decided not to have children, they hadn't wanted to take the chance that their children would have the same condition that James did. He heard the happiness in her voice when they were at the hospital to see Jamie being born and then taking him home with them. Jamie's birth mother was completing her four year degree and headed toward medical school courtesy of James. 

By the end of another two hours, Toni had told him about the events that led up to James' death.

"I didn't think that it was possible to hurt so badly. I felt as if my entire world had turned upside down. After James died, I couldn't even begin to think of going to work. I felt as if I should have known somehow like I did the first time, what didn't help was that Gina thought the same thing. Anyway, on the last disc, James made sure that I understood that it wasn't my fault. The thing is, we knew, both of us knew that he was going to die. That was why we spent so much time together during the last two years of his life." Toni wiped tears from her face with her hand and apologized for crying.

"Don't apologize, you still miss him and that's understandable." Mason said as he pulled a handkerchief out of the pocket of his jacket.

He wiped Toni's face and folded the napkin into her hand, "keep it." he said as he moved away.

"Thanks." Toni said. "I really didn't mean to talk about him so much." she added.

Mason really didn't mind, it was something that had to happen at some point anyway and he'd much rather it be sooner as opposed to later.

"It's alright, I asked remember?" he said touching her shoulder.

"Yeah, you did and I bet that you won't ask again." Toni said sniffling.

"Toni, James was a big part of your life, if you say something about him or remember something that you used to do together, I won't be offended." Mason assured her.




Mason Ch. 12



Toni didn't know what to make of Mason; he really was an odd bird she thought as she dried her eyes.

"How about we play miniature golf and get ice cream on Wednesday night?" Mason asked changing the subject to something lighter.

"That sounds good but I have to warn you, I'm pretty damned good." Toni teased.

Mason laughed, we'll see but Jamie will probably kick both of our asses." Mason said forgetting his pledge not to swear.

Toni laughed, "Actually, he is pretty good." 

It was almost five when Mason left, during the last few minutes of their time together, he wondered if he should give her more of an erotic kiss. She had to know by now that he wanted more than friendship from her, there was only one way to find out and that was to kiss her and this time give her a chance to respond.

Mason carried the tray with the dirty mugs, sugar and creamer back to the kitchen and walked with Toni to the door.

"I really did have a good time with you tonight." he said smiling down at her. 

"I did too, thanks for dinner and for letting me talk about James." Toni replied.

Mason took Toni's hands in his, bent down and kissed her. It was far cry from the kiss on the cheek or the lips that he had given her a couple of days before. This kiss left no question as to where he wanted their relationship to go; he broke the kiss and waited for Toni to say something. When she didn't, he kissed her again releasing her hands and pulling her into his arms. After the briefest of hesitations, Toni relaxed and wrapped her arms around his waist as she returned the kiss.



Mason Ch. 13



Toni pulled back first; she looked up at Mason and backed away. What had she been thinking kissing him like that? She wondered embarrassed. Mason looked at her but didn't say anything at first; he waited for a minute or two before he spoke.

"Toni...."

"Thanks again for tonight." Toni said and shut the door.

Mason stood on the other side of the door for a few seconds, Toni's response wasn't unexpected and he suspected that she would spend the morning sorting through her conflicting emotions. He was the first man that she had kissed since James and he had no doubt that she would feel some guilt because she had enjoyed the kiss as much as he did. What she needed now was time to process what was happening between them. He told himself that he wouldn't call her until later in the evening in order to give her as much time and space as he could.

Mason drove home replaying the kiss in his mind, it was far better than anything that he could have imagined. Toni's returning the kiss told him that she had been thinking of him in a very non-platonic way even if she hadn't admitted it. The time he realized, was coming when he would have to tell her the truth about himself and he felt a flutter in the pit of his stomach. He thought about leaving his car at home and then returning to the condo to rest but decided against it, he didn't want to take the chance that she would hear something and come knocking on the door.

Tonight was going to be a long night Mason realized with a sigh.

*****

Toni stood staring at the door for several minutes. "What now?" she asked herself when she finally headed toward her bedroom. She took off the dress, hung it up, stripped and got into the shower. By the time she got out she was able to admit to herself that she liked the kiss and that it had felt good to be held. "Why did I stop the kiss?" she asked her reflection in the mirror. 

"Because you felt guilty and you're scared." she said looking at her reflection in the mirror.

She tried to tell herself that the kiss meant nothing, that it was just a goodnight kiss and that it was just a part of the whole good night ritual but even as she tried to convince herself, she knew that it wasn't true. She liked Mason, "no," she told herself, "You more than like him, just admit it."

It was almost seven before she drifted off into an uneasy sleep, in her dreams, she was talking to James. He looked healthy and happy to see her. They talked about many things including the last disc.

"James, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Sweetness, it's alright. I like him and he'll take good care of you and Jamie."

"But..."

"Toni, I released you so go and be happy."

Toni woke up with tears running down her face, James had given his approval of Mason or had he? Maybe she dreamt of James because.... Because, "I needed to hear you say it." she murmured. 

She looked at the clock, it was already four and Jamie would be coming home soon. She hopped into the shower and was out in less than ten minutes. Jamie and her parents were walking into the condo just as she put her tee shirt on. Toni braced herself for the inquisition that she would receive from Barbara; Ben wouldn't say anything but his ears would be perked up.

Jamie ran into her arms as soon as she was in the kitchen.

"Were you a good boy?" she asked.

"Yep and guess what? Gramma wrote down how to make her pancakes. Can we have pancakes for supper?"

"Sure, why not?" Toni replied.

Barbara was already going through the cabinets checking for the ingredients.

"Ben, why don't you and Jamie run to the store? We're missing a few things."

"I can go." Toni said knowing that it was useless to offer. She knew exactly what her mother was doing and knew that she probably put Jamie up to asking about pancakes for supper knowing that she hadn't been shopping yet.

"No, your dad and Jamie can go." Barbara said as she pulled out a piece of paper and a pen from her purse and began writing down what she needed from the store.

As soon as Jamie and Ben were gone, Barbara pounced.

"Show me what you wore! Did he like it? Where did he take you?"

"Mom, please I just got up, can I have a cup of coffee first?" Toni asked.

"Sure you can, you talk and I'll make the coffee." Barbara said.

When all was said and done, Toni managed to keep the kiss out of the conversation or so she thought.

"Are you going out again? And did he kiss you?" Barbara asked.

"Yes." Toni said and elaborated no further and didn't specify which question the yes was for.

Thankfully, Ben and Jamie walked in with sacks of groceries. As Barbara made the pancakes with Jamie's help, Ben had his say.

"We like him." 

"Daddy not you too." Toni protested.

"What? I'm just stating a fact." Ben said smiling at her.

Toni didn't reply because her parents had already made up their minds. Mason Donahue could do no wrong and he had their ringing endorsement.

While they were eating dinner, Jamie hopped on the Mason Donahue bandwagon.

"When is Dr. Mason coming again?" he asked as he stole a piece of pancake from Toni's plate.

"Tomorrow night, he wants to take us miniature golfing and then out for ice cream" Toni replied.

"I like him, is he going to be my dad?" Jamie asked innocently.

Both Barbara and Ben stopped eating to look at her. Toni's face felt hot as she tried to think of the best answer.

"It's too soon to talk about that and don't you dare ask him that, do you understand?" Toni said a little more firmly than she meant.

"Ok mom." Jamie said not understanding Toni's reaction.

Toni sighed and apologized, "I'm sorry baby but its way to soon to be thinking like that."

"Ok." Jamie replied although he still didn't see what the problem was.

*******

Mason fought the temptation to call Toni all day and finally gave up around six. He called her cell phone and was surprised when it went to voice mail. He tried the house phone next and was pleasantly surprised when Jamie answered the phone.

"Dr. Mason!" he shouted.

"Hi Jamie, how are you?" Mason asked.

"Fine, are you coming over tonight?" 

"No, I have to work tonight but I'll see you and your mom tomorrow night." Mason assured him.

They talked for a few more minutes before Mason asked to speak to Toni. As he waited for her to come to the phone he wondered what kind of reception he would receive.

"Hi" Toni said softly as she looked around to see if her mother was listening.

"Hi, is it still alright for me to call you?" Mason asked testing the waters.

"I... sure. Jamie is looking forward to seeing you tomorrow night."

"I'm looking forward to seeing the both of you, is six o'clock alright?" Mason asked.

"That's fine." Toni said.

"Good, I have to go but I'll call you when I have a break." Mason said and then hung up.

Toni hung up with mixed emotions, she needed to have a heart to heart with herself before this thing whatever it was went any further and Jamie got any more attached to Mason.

As soon as her parents were gone, and Jamie was in his room watching videos, Toni made herself a cup of tea and sat out on the patio to think. The first question that she asked herself was if she liked Mason, yes she answered, was she attracted to him? Oh yes. Did she want to see him again? Yes. 

Toni took a sip of the tea, she didn't want to ask herself the next question, if she did and she answered it the way that she thought she would, it would mean that she had really moved on and let James go. For several minutes she looked at the water pushing the question back each time it surged forward in her brain.

"Am I falling in love with Mason Donahue?" she whispered into the evening air.

There, the question had been asked she thought but she didn't answer it right away. Instead, she asked herself some other questions the main one being, why had Mason lied to her on at least three occasions? And how did she know that he had lied to her?

"Toni, you're procrastinating." she chided herself.

An hour later and the question was still unanswered. She went inside to check on Jamie only to find him sound asleep still fully clothed. Toni covered him up, turned off the light and shut his door before going to the living room and turning on the television. She channel surfed until she came to the history channel and then kept going; she had no interest in Stonehenge. Finally she came to 'nick at night' and left it on not really paying attention to what mischief 'Will Smith' and his TV cousin 'Carlton' had gotten themselves into. 

She still hadn't answered that question.

******

The night was passing slowly for Mason, he was relieved that Toni talked to him and gave permission to call her again but he didn't want to push it by calling her again too soon. He made his rounds and tried to avoid Joyce, he simply had nothing to say to her. By ten, the whole hospital seemed to have settled and it gave him some time to think.

How do you tell someone that you are over 600 years old? He wondered and how in the fuck do you tell them that you're a vampire and that you drink blood as well as eat food? The list of things that he needed to find a way to explain grew with each passing minute. He glanced at his watch, it was just after ten and Jamie should be in bed. Just as he reached for the phone, Joyce bounced in without knocking.

"Some friend you are!" she snapped as she sat down uninvited.

Mason didn't reply as he sat the phone down in its cradle.

"I would have worked for you if you needed me to." Joyce said. "Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked when Mason didn't respond.

"What would you have me say?" Mason asked dryly, "That I'm sorry that I didn't work for you? That I'm sorry that you missed your concert?" he asked.

"You really are a bastard." Joyce said.

"I've been called much worse but since you're here, we need to discuss our working relationship." Mason said.

"What in the hell does that mean?" Joyce asked.

"It means that I will no longer schedule myself to work the same shifts as you. Would you like to know why? It is because you continue to spread rumors, as I was coming in tonight, I heard some nurses talking about Toni and I sleeping together which isn't true by the way but if it were it would be no one's business but ours. I also heard mention how you missed your concert because, let me see if I can recall the exact words... oh yes, because Toni and I were knocking boots. 

Now, we have discussed this privacy issue many times and I'm done discussing it. And while I'm at it, let me clarify the status of our relationship, you and I are not friends. We are colleagues and nothing more; my new schedule starts next week."

Joyce was flabbergasted; working with Mason was going to be a feather in her cap when she decided to join a private practice. She really hadn't known how bothered he really was by what she considered to be harmless talk.

"Mason, look, I am really sorry. I really didn't realize how much the harmless talk bothered you. If I swear to keep my big mouth shut, will you reconsider?" Joyce asked.

"Tell me why I should reconsider." Mason replied.

"Because I'm good to work with even if I can't keep my mouth shut and working with you is going to be a feather in my cap when I look for a private practice to join. Mason, I really didn't think that anything that I said was that big of a deal but apparently it is...."

"How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of my business?" Mason asked. "Isn't the fact that I keep bringing it up an indication that it's as you say a big deal?"

Joyce didn't reply, Mason was wavering but she also knew that if he gave in, this would be her last chance. He had saved her job once, he wouldn't do it again and he meant what he said about changing nights so that he wouldn't have to work with her.

"Alright Joyce, this is your last chance, if I hear one word and I find out that it came from you; I change my hours and you get to work with whatever resident happens to be on. Am I being clear?" Mason asked.

"I got it but can I ask a question? Why are you so defensive when it comes to Toni Jacobson?" Joyce asked.

"I need to make some phone calls, I'll see you later." Mason said dismissing Joyce.

A few minutes later, he was on the phone with Toni.

"Were you asleep?" he asked.

"No, just watching some old sitcom reruns. How's your night going?"

"Quiet, I just had another talk with Joyce." Mason said.

"Ah, the rumor mill continues." Toni said as she sat up.

"Yes well, I threatened to change my hours if she insisted on being concerned with our business." Mason said.

Toni frowned, "Our business?" she asked.

"Yes, you know whether we have lunch or not or if we see each other socially, things like that."

She got it, Mason Donahue was a very private person which brought up the question why he was working in an institutional setting but it was more than that, he thought that she needed to be protected .

"You know," Toni said, "The rumor mill doesn't really bother me so don't feel like you have to defend or protect me. People are going to talk and after awhile they'll move on to something or someone else."

"So you don't mind if people know that we are seeing each other socially?" Mason asked.

"I don't mind if you don't" Toni replied almost surprised by her response. "For awhile the hot rumor was that there was a love triangle between me, James and one of the nurses who was after James. The story got so blown up that after a week or so it wasn't even believable and people found other things to talk about." Toni added.

"This nurse, did you ever confront her?" Mason asked.

"I did but it was after James died and I hadn't been back to work for very long and it was about another matter. Like you I had forgotten about the rumor mill." she said not about to tell him that he was part of the discussion.

Mason's pager went off and he had to end the conversation.

"I'll see you and Jamie tonight, sleep well." he said before hanging up.

Toni hung up and realized that she had never answered the last question that she asked herself.

"Am I falling in love with Mason Donahue?" she asked herself yet again as she set the phone down. This time she answered herself. "I guess I am." It wasn't a resounding yes but it was as far as she was prepared to go for now.

An hour later, the question popped into her head again, and this time, she answered with a resounding yes. Toni fell asleep on the couch and woke up to the sound of Jamie crying. It took her a minute to register that the cries were of pain and fear. She ran to his bedroom and found him curled into a ball crying.

"Jamie? Baby what's wrong?" she asked as she sat on his bed and pulled him into her lap.

"My stomach hurts." he cried.

"Ok baby, show me where." Toni said as calmly as she could.

Jamie pointed to the lower right side of his stomach. Appendicitis was the first thing that popped into Toni's head.

"Alright, why don't we go to the hospital and have you checked out?" Toni said as she carried Jamie to the living room to grab her phone, car keys and to slip on her shoes.

They were at the hospital in less than fifteen minutes and being seen by an obnoxious resident who acted as if they were infringing on his time.

"What's the problem?" he asked apparently not knowing who Toni was or that she was a doctor, he didn't even look at them much less introduce himself.

"This is my son Jamie and I think that he has appendicitis." Toni said.

"What makes you think that?" The resident asked in a very condescending way.

Toni forced herself to take a deep breath and then described the pain and the location of the pain.

"We'll keep him for observation" the resident said and walked away without really examining Jamie.

"Just a damned minute!" Toni snapped "Who is your senior?"

The resident froze, only another doctor or nurse would use that term. "Dr. Ellis, why do you ask?"

"Where the fuck is he?" Toni demanded.

"In the break room." The resident replied now very nervous.

"Get him now!" Toni demanded literally shaking. The last time she had been in this ER was with James, it felt like it was just yesterday when she called the ambulance to bring him in. Jamie was crying partly because of pain and partly because he had never seen Toni so angry and scared. Toni hugged Jamie as she glared at the resident until he hurried off to find his senior

A few minutes later, Dr. Ellis appeared. "What's the.... Toni? What's going on?" he asked.

An hour later Jamie was in surgery. Barbara and Ben had come as soon as Toni called and Gina and Robert were on their way. The whole thing had a surreal feeling to it, it was too much like the night that James had died and Toni was petrified. She jumped every time the overhead speaker came on and almost had a heart attack when a code was called elsewhere in the hospital.

She sat huddled in a corner by herself praying for Jamie and that he wouldn't be taken from her too. 

******

Mason was doing some dictation when his cell phone rang; he looked at the caller ID and answered as soon as he saw it was Barbara.

"Mason? Hi, I don't know if Toni wanted you called or not but Jamie is in surgery." 

Mason didn't let her finish, he was already out of his office and headed to the surgery waiting area. He saw Barbara first.

"What happened?" he asked as he looked around the room for Toni and saw her huddled in a corner.

"Appendicitis, they took him in a little while ago."

"Alright, I'm going to go sit with Toni." he said patting her arm.

Mason sat down next to Toni and pulled her into his arms and held her as she cried. He knew better than to make empty promises that Jamie would be alright even if he believed it to be true. He knew where Toni's head was and didn't speak as she frantically whispered prayers for Jamie

After what seemed to be hours, the surgeon came out.

"Toni? He's going to be fine. You can see him in a few minutes."

"Thank you so much, is he really alright?" Toni asked.

"He sure is." The surgeon assured her.

Toni however didn't relax until she saw Jamie and could actually touch him. Mason touched Jamie's head and then left them alone to finish out his shift. He stopped by Jamie's room on the way out to check on him and Toni one more time before leaving.

"I'll be back tonight, call me if you need anything." he told her as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Mason? Thank you." Toni called as Mason left Jamie's room.

Toni had just dozed off when there was a tap on the door. Dr. Ellis and a very nervous resident stood in the doorway waiting for Toni to acknowledge them.

"Come in." Toni said wondering what was going on.

The resident stepped forward red faced, "I'm Dr. Hanover and I would like to apologize for the way that I treated you and your son, I didn't know who..."

"It shouldn't have mattered who I was." Toni said softly. "No patient or family member should be treated the way that you treated us no matter who or what they are." 

"You're right and once again, I apologize." the resident said his face still red. He had heard about Toni Jacobson although he had never met her before tonight and from what he heard, this "chat" was downright tame.

"Alright." Toni said, "Just watch your tone when you're dealing with patients and their families and stop acting like we're an inconvenience." she added.

"Yes ma'am."

Dr. Ellis stood behind the resident trying hard not to laugh, Toni hated being called ma'am.

"Don't call me that!" she snapped at the contrite resident. "It's either Dr. Jacobson or Toni but never ma'am."

A minute later, the resident was gone leaving Toni alone with Dr. Ellis.

"I hear that he's going to be fine." Dr. Ellis said.

"Yeah he is." Toni said looking down at Jamie.

"This had to be difficult for you." Dr. Ellis said as he moved behind Toni and put a hand on her shoulder.




Mason Ch. 13



Toni moved away and turned to look at him, "Yes it was but I'm alright now and thanks for bringing Dr. Hanover in to apologize." she said.

Dr. Ellis looked at her thoughtfully for a few seconds as if he was making a decision and then made it.

"I hear that you're back into the social scene, any truth to that?" he asked.

Toni wasn't sure of how to respond but said yes.

"Good to know, I was hoping to take you out to dinner sometime soon." Dr. Ellis said.

"Oh, I.... I'm kind of seeing someone and..."

"Dr. Donahue, so that's true as well." Dr. Ellis said. "Is it a monogamous kind of thing or a casual thing?" he asked.

Toni didn't know how to respond because she didn't know.

"I... we haven't..."

"Mom?" Jamie called.

"I'm here baby, how do you feel?" Toni asked thankful for the interruption.

"My stomach still hurts."

"Ok, I'll see if you can have something for pain." Toni replied.

"About that dinner?" Dr. Ellis asked.

"I can't think about that right now, thanks for stopping by." Toni said hoping that he would take the hint.

She pushed the call light and told whoever answered what she needed, when she looked up, Dr. Ellis was still there.

"What?" she asked.

"Can I get you a cup of coffee or something to eat?" he asked.

"No thanks, my parents are coming in a few minutes." Toni replied.

Dr. Ellis left after a few more minutes of chitchat, Toni knew what he was doing, he was trying to figure out her and Mason's status. Toni breathed a sigh of relief when he left; he was a little too intense for her liking.

********

Mason lay on his bed wishing that he could be at the hospital with Toni and Jamie but it just wasn't possible, phone calls would have to do until this evening. It still tore at him when he thought about how frightened Toni had been and how relieved he was when they found out that Jamie would be alright. He picked up his phone and called Toni.

"How's Jamie?" he asked.

"Sleeping, they just gave him something for pain." Toni replied.

"And how are you?" Mason asked.

"Tired but glad that Jamie's alright. What are you doing still up?" Toni asked as she realized what time it was.

"Thinking about you and Jamie." Mason replied honestly. "Do you need me to bring anything tonight?"

"No but you don't have to come." Toni said, "There's no need for you to spend your evening off in a hospital room." she added.

"I was going to spend the evening with the two of you anyway, where that happens doesn't matter. So what would you like me to bring?" Mason asked again.

"Ummm, some of your really good coffee?" Toni asked.

"Done, what else?"

"That's it. Mom and dad are bringing Jamie's laptop although he'll probably be discharged tomorrow." Toni replied.

"Alright, I'll see you this evening and try to get some rest." Mason said before hanging up.

******

The day passed slowly for both Toni and Mason. James' parents stayed with Jamie so that she could run to one of the doctor's sleeping rooms and grab a shower and a set of clean scrubs. She wasn't about to leave the hospital under any circumstances. Feeling better after her shower and a hot cup of coffee Jamie made her way back to Jamie's room. He was awake and making faces at his breakfast.

"I don't like red jello." he was telling Gina.

"Well maybe it'll taste good this time." she replied.

Toni slipped back out and found Jamie's nurse.

"I have a very picky little boy that doesn't like red jello; do you have any other flavors?"

"I think we do, let's go check. By the way, I think that the doctor is going to let him have a regular diet for lunch if he does ok with the clear liquid breakfast." the nurse said.

"Great! Jamie will be happy to hear that." Toni said as he took the containers of yellow and green jello from the nurse, "and thanks for these." she added as she walked away.

Toni got back to Jamie's room and heard him crying. "What the hell?" she muttered.

Gina was sitting on the side of the bed holding Jamie's hand but Robert was nowhere to be seen.

"Baby? What's wrong, are you hurting again?" Toni asked setting the jello down.

"I was just telling him about his father." Gina said as she smoothed Jamie's hair back.

Alarm bells went off in Toni's head but she asked calmly, "what were you telling him?"

Jamie and Toni had talked about James many times, even watching the discs together and he had never cried so what had Gina said to him that had upset him so much? Surely she hadn't told him that he was adopted? 

"Gina, what did you say to him?" Toni demanded as she sat on the other side of the bed and took a still crying Jamie into her arms.

"Mom? Am I going to die?" Jamie asked tearfully.

Toni understood now. Gina had told Jamie that James had died in this hospital, what was wrong with the woman? Toni wondered but she no longer cared.

"Get out." Toni hissed softly.

"What? But we just got here!" Gina protested.

"Get out!" Toni repeated.

Robert passed Gina as she left the room, "Toni?" he asked.

"Later." she said. She wasn't going to tell Gina that she could no longer be alone with Jamie with him listening, it would upset him too much.

Robert nodded and left the room. A few minutes later Jamie was calm and eating his jello. Toni assured him that he wasn't going to die and that he would more than likely be at home by the next day. 

"And... guess whose coming to see you tonight?" she asked knowing that he would be thrilled.

"Dr. Mason?" Jamie asked forgetting about his fear and upset.

"Yep, Dr. Mason." Toni confirmed. 

It made her happy to see him happy but now it was time to deal with gramma Gina.

"Sweetie, will you be alright for a few minutes? I need to go talk with gramma and grampa Jacobson."

"Ok." Jamie said as he ate his breakfast and looked at the television.

Toni found them in the family waiting area; apparently Robert was less happy with Gina than she was.

"What in the hell is wrong with you scaring him like that?" Robert was asking.

"I was just....."

"Just what?" Toni asked. "He's a little boy for god's sake! It's up to me to explain to him how and where his father died not you!"

"Toni, I was...."

"Gina, I don't care about what you were trying to do, the only thing I know is that you hurt and frightened Jamie." Toni said.

"Is he alright?" Robert asked.

"He's fine but Gina, you can't be alone with him anymore." Toni said firmly.

"What? Toni I would never hurt him!" Gina protested.

"You just did." Toni said. "The only way you get to see Jamie is if someone is with you. I don't trust you not to tell him that he's adopted. Now, you can go in, say goodbye and come back later." Toni said and walked away.

Jamie had finished his breakfast and was watching television when she went back to the room; he looked none the worse for wear and apparently he had already forgotten about being upset. Robert and Gina came in a few minutes later to say good bye and to promise that they'd be back later. Toni looked at Gina who refused to meet her gaze; the woman was in need of some serious help.

Barbara and Ben came thirty minutes later bringing fresh coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Ben brought the latest issue of sports illustrated and sat on the bed with Jamie looking at it while Toni ate her breakfast. Toni told Barbara about the incident with Gina.

"She's still having a hard time." Barbara said, "That doesn't excuse what she did, I'm just saying that it's a contributing factor."

"Be that as it may, she isn't allowed to be alone with Jamie anymore. It was for me to tell him about James' death not her." Toni replied.

The rest of the morning passed quietly with Toni napping when Jamie did bringing back memories of when he was a baby. Gina and Robert came back just before supper bearing gifts for Jamie which made him very happy. One of the gifts was a video game that he had been wanting for his laptop and the other was a stack of books. Of the two of them, Robert was the only one who spoke to Toni.

"We're going back tonight but we'll be back in a couple of weeks, Toni I'm sorry about this morning." he said.

"Thanks but it wasn't your fault and I know that she's still struggling but I won't have her hurting Jamie even if it's unintentionally."

"I know and I understand, I'll say goodbye to Jamie and we'll be on our way." Robert said as he hugged Toni.

They had no longer left when Dr. Ellis came in.

"How's the patient?" he asked giving Jamie a fake smile.

"Good." Jamie replied not smiling back.

"Good! Hey Toni, I thought that I could bring us some dinner tonight during my break." Dr. Ellis said.

"That won't be necessary." A voice from behind them said.

"Dr. Mason!" Jamie exclaimed with excitement.

"Hey kiddo, how are you feeling?" Mason asked.

"Better, did you bring a book?" Jamie asked.

"I sure did and I'll show it to you in a moment." Mason said and then turned his attention to Toni and Dr. Ellis. "As I was saying, it's very kind of you to offer to bring Toni dinner but it's taken care of."

"I see. I don't believe that we've officially met, I'm Dr...."

"I know who you are and what you want." Mason said interrupting him.

Toni looked from one man to the other, she was in the middle of a passing contest and she was the prize. But it was Ellis who put his dick away first.

"If you'll excuse me, I have rounds to make." he said and left the room closing the door behind him.

Mason watched him leave confident that he would spread the word that Toni was off limits; it struck him as ironic that he was using the rumor mill, the one thing that he hated about institutions to his own advantage. As soon as the door closed, Mason bent down and kissed Toni on the cheek fully aware that Jamie was watching. It was something that he would have to become accustomed to Mason decided. 

"I brought the requested coffee and some sandwiches." Mason said assuming that Jamie could eat normally. "Peanut butter and Jelly for Jamie and Chicken salad for us." 

"Wow, thanks. " Toni said and then asked, "Did you sleep?"

"I don't need much sleep." Mason replied as he set out the food. "I forgot, I have something else for you but it's in the car, start without me, I'll be right back."

Toni watched Mason leave and felt a stirring that she hadn't felt since James and along with it came a feeling of guilt. She suspected that with each step she took in her relationship with Mason a feeling of guilt would come with it and she would have to deal with it as it came. It dawned on her that she had just admitted to being in a relationship with Mason. "Am I ready for this?" she asked herself.

"Mom?" Jamie called.

"Yeah baby?"

"Are you ok? You were talking to yourself." he said.

"I'm fine, I was just thinking out loud." Toni replied.

On the way to his car, Mason ran into Dr. Ellis who stopped him.

"She's quite the woman isn't she?" he asked.

When Mason didn't reply, he continued.

"I wasn't aware that your relationship was monogamous, when did that happen?"

"Now you know and when it happened is none of your business." Mason replied.

"You said you knew me, I don't ever recall meeting you before tonight." Ellis said.

"Let me clarify what I meant, I don't know you personally nor do I care to." Mason said. "What I meant is I know what type of man you are, you are like a vulture who takes advantage of women who you think are vulnerable, you pretend to care about their needs and the needs of their children if there are any and then when you tire of them you leave."

"Now you just...."

"Listen to me and listen well, stay away from Toni, she isn't available." Mason said his dark eyes flashing and walked away leaving Ellis staring at his back.

Jamie and Toni were waiting for him when he got back to the room.

"Why didn't you start eating?" Mason asked as he sat a bag on the floor.

"Mom said that we had to wait for you." Jamie said.

"Well I'm here so eat up." Mason said as he picked up a sandwich.

After they ate, Mason gave Jamie the book he brought with him. While Jamie looked at the book, he picked up the sack and told Toni to sit down. 

"Put your feet up here." he said patting his lap.

Toni looked at him but didn't move.

"Come on, you'll be glad that you did." he urged teasing her.

Toni looked over at Jamie who was engrossed in the book that apparently had pictures. She slowly put her feet up not knowing what to expect. Mason removed the hospital issue slipper socks from her feet and began to massage them. Toni closed her eyes and sighed, she was always a sucker for a good foot rub, a few minutes later she felt something warm and fuzzy being slipped onto her feet. She opened her eyes to see what it was, looking back at her were a pair of purple bunny slippers complete with the big floppy ears, plastic eyes and silly grin. At first she just stared at her feet and then began to laugh. Jamie looked up from his book to see what was so funny and laughed when he saw the slippers.

"Those are really cool!" he exclaimed.

"You like those?" Mason asked as he pulled out another pair for Jamie but only they were blue.

"Look mom!" 

"I see." Toni said smiling at him. "I think that we both owe Dr. Mason a big thanks ." she added.

"Thank you Dr. Mason, can I put them on?" Jamie asked.

A few minutes later, Jamie was sporting his new slippers as the three of them took a walk around the unit. By the time they got back to the room, the entire floor was whispering about the scene.

Jamie was released the next afternoon and was more than ready to go. Even though he didn't say anything to Toni, he was still afraid that he would die at the hospital like his dad. The only thing that made it easier was that Mason and Toni both stayed with him during the night. Toni slept on the cot while Mason sat in the chair next to the bed playing with Jamie's laptop. When Jamie woke up, it was light and Mason was already gone.

"Where's Dr. Mason?" Jamie asked.

"He went home already, he said to tell you to check out your laptop." Toni said stretching. She was as ready to go home as Jamie was.

Jamie turned on his laptop and squealed with delight.

"Look mom!" 

Toni got up and went to see what the excitement was about, she gasped when she saw Mason's face on the screen.

"Morning!" he said cheerfully.

"Morning Dr. Mason! This is so cool!" Jamie said.

Toni was suddenly conscious of her bed head and tried to put it in some semblance of order. Mason watched her as she tried to fix her hair; he couldn't wait to wake up to that look every night.

*******

Toni returned to work the following week since Jamie was on the mend. In some ways she dreaded going back, except for Jamie's surgery, she had really enjoyed her time off and talking to Mason via 'skype' had become a routine thing when he was at work. If he wasn't busy, he and Jamie read together that way and if he was, he tried to call to talk to Jamie for a few minutes before it got too late and then he would call her later during the night.

On her first night back, Toni got an unexpected but pleasant surprise. She was rounding on the floor where Kim worked and overheard her defending Tom.

"You know what?" she was saying, "He was having a really hard time, he lost his best friend and probably thought that it was his fault so back off and leave him alone!"

Toni believed in giving credit where credit was due and pulled Kim aside. Kim stood stiffly waiting for a tongue lashing.

"Relax Kim; I'm not going to yell at you." Toni said. "I wanted to thank you for coming to me about Tom. Because you did, he's getting the help that he needs and I also heard what you said. Tom's going to need all of the support that he can get when he gets back so maybe between you, me and whoever else we can stir up, we can make his coming back a little bit easier." 

Kim was speechless; she now had a whole new respect for Toni.

"Thank you for that." Kim said softly.

Toni smiled at her and walked away, she had just changed her opinion about Kim; she really was a good person at heart in spite of her personal agenda and the way that she had defended Tom made her wonder.

After making rounds, she went to the dictation room and began her dictation; she was so engrossed that she didn't realize that she was no longer alone until she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Oh hi Mike." she said to Dr. Ellis.

"How's the little man doing?" he asked.

"Good and glad to be back home. Thanks for asking." Toni replied.

"So you and Donahue are a couple." he stated.

Toni didn't say anything, if she did, this would be the first time that she publicly admitted it, and she hadn't even said anything to her parents or Jamie for that matter. 

"He says that you are but I would like to hear it from you." Mike said when Toni didn't answer.

"Why?" Toni asked. She knew about Mike's reputation for his frequent and varied bed partners and really didn't care as long as he kept their relationship professional and didn't try to add her to his list of conquests.

"I want to know if I stand a chance. I've always liked you and I've always thought that James was one lucky son of a bitch." he replied.

"The answer to your question is yes, Dr. Donahue and I are seeing each other." Toni said hoping that it would end the conversation.

"Is it monogamous or are you each able to see other people?" 

That was something that they hadn't discussed but then, they hadn't talked about their relationship either. But if Mason's reaction to Mike's offer to bring her dinner when Jamie was a patient was any indication, she would go with monogamous.

"Mike, I'm flattered, I really am but Mason and I are in a monogamous relationship. I'm sure you'll know if that changes" Toni said.

"Well then," Mike said standing up, "so much for that." and walked out.

Toni finished her dictation and headed toward the sleeping room, she opened the door to see a vase of flowers sitting on the table alone with a note.

Toni, We're having a busy night up here and I probably won't get lunch but I left it in the fridge in your room. I'll talk to you soon. Mason

Toni looked at the flowers and then at the purple bunny slippers that she had packed to walk around in.

She was in love with Mason Donahue.



Mason Ch. 14



"Now what?" Toni asked herself as the realization that she was in love with Mason sunk in. She was scared and happy? Was she happy? She wondered. Scared for sure, "Ok Toni." she said to herself, "Let's talk about this."

She kicked off her shoes and slipped her feet into the purple bunny slippers wiggling her toes in the softness of them. Deciding that she was hungry, she went to the small apartment sized refrigerator to see what Mason had cooked up for lunch. Sitting on top of each other were two containers each containing what looked like clam chowder. On a hunch, Toni decided to call Mason and see if he was free, it didn't seem fair that she would get lunch and he wouldn't. Mason answered his cell on the first ring. 

"Toni? Is everything alright?" he asked before he even said hello.

"It's fine." Toni replied. "Are you still busy?"

"It's slowed down enough that I could take a quick lunch break." he replied. "I'll meet you downstairs in five minutes."

Reluctantly, Toni took off the comfortable bunny slippers and put her shoes back on. She gathered the containers of clam chowder and made her way to the doctor's lounge where Mason was already waiting. As soon as he saw her, he stood up and took the containers of soup from her while greeting her with a smile. They stood by the microwave together and waited for the food to heat.

"How's your night going?" Mason asked.

"Better than yours I imagine." Toni replied as she gathered the napkins and spoons for their meal.

"Well, as I said, things are calming down. Hopefully the rest of the night will be quiet. How's Jamie?" Mason asked.

"Good and wondering when he's going to get to read that book with you." Toni replied.

"I know. I talked with him just before my shift started and we made tentative plans for tonight if you're up to it." 

She should have been irritated that Mason made plans with Jamie without asking her first but she wasn't, it felt natural, as if this was the way it was supposed to be.

"What are you thinking about doing?" she asked as Mason took the chowder out of the microwave and checked to see if it was hot enough.

"Miniature golf is out but we could go out for ice cream and maybe one of the evening ocean cruises." Mason suggested.

Toni thought about it, "That's sounds like a plan, six?" she asked.

Mason's pager went off just as they finished eating. Mason glanced at it and grimaced.

"I'm sorry but I have to go, I'll see you tonight." Mason said touching Toni's hand.

Toni cleaned up the trash from their meal and headed back to the sleeping room. Once again she kicked off her shoes and put on the bunny slippers, it was time to finish that conversation that she was having with herself. She made herself comfortable; she had the time since she had already finished her dictation. Toni lay on the cot and looked up at the ceiling and then closed her eyes.

"Ok Toni." she said out loud. "What's the real issue here?" she asked herself. "You're in love with the man, you've admitted that, you don't like the idea of him being with anyone else and there's no one else that's even come close to making you feel the way you used to feel with James. He sincerely likes Josh and your parents and let's not forget that they like him and would be thrilled to no end if you came out with what was happening between you and Mason.

But really, besides the one date and the kiss what's happening? I mean really Toni, did he say that he wanted more? No he didn't, maybe you're seeing more than what's really there. Antoinette Marie Jacobson, stop trying to fool yourself, the man has ingratiated himself into your life over a three year period so just say what the real issue is!" she admonished himself.

But she couldn't, she was too afraid to say the words so she thought them, "what if he dies? What if we get close and he dies? I can't go through that again; I don't think that I could survive that again. "Alright Toni, so what are you going to do?" she asked herself out loud. "Not see him? If you do that, what are you going to tell Jamie? And what about the fact that you love the man?" Toni asked herself.

She was developing a headache, she was over thinking this and she knew it but she couldn't deny that her fear was real. The bottom line was this, they had to talk about whatever this was, she needed to know what he was thinking if for no other reason than Jamie. Maybe tonight after Jamie was in bed, they could talk and start laying their cards out. Toni knew that the whole hospital was abuzz with talk and she was sure that Mike Ellis was now a major contributor and that people would believe him simply because he rarely participated in the rumor mill as he was often the subject of it. Toni sighed; tonight she and Mason were going to have that talk.

*******

After he was paged, Mason rushed back to the psych unit cursing the whole way. The patient causing the disturbance was a sixty something year old man who was a frequent flyer. The man had a nurse trapped in his room but she had the presence of mind to run into the bathroom and close the door behind her. The patient was standing in the doorway swinging a chair at whoever got close, the situation had escalated when someone called security and the patient thought that he was under attack.

By the time Mason made it to the floor, the other patients were in their rooms safely and the patient in question was screaming. There was no way that anyone would be able to get close enough to give the man an injection and not get hurt. "Fuck." Mason swore under his breath. He made a conscious effort not to use compulsion on anyone especially when at work but it looked as though he wasn't going to have too much of a choice.

"Everyone move away." Mason said quietly with his eyes on the agitated and combative patient.

"But..." one of the male nurses said.

"I'll be fine." Mason interrupted, "now go."

Reluctantly the nurse left Mason alone with the patient but didn't go too far away, the others left as soon a Mason told them to leave. Mason looked at the patient and decided to see if he could calm him down by talking to him.

"Franklin," He said using the patient's first name hoping that the man would see him as a friend. "Do you know who I am?" he asked.

The patient looked at Mason and charged at him.

"Shit!" Mason swore as he didn't move as the patient came at him. His dark eyes flashed just once and the patient stopped just a few feet from him.

"Franklin, my name is Dr. Donahue, do you remember me?" Mason asked.

The patient looked confused and tried to move toward Mason. "I guess not." Mason muttered. As much as he wanted to compel the patient to go back to bed, he didn't, things had to appear as normal as possible.

"I need 2 mg of ativan diluted with normal saline no more than a cc and a 21 gauge needle." Mason called out. 

"Got it!" the male nurse who was the last to leave called out.

While he waited, Mason continued to talk to the patient even though he really didn't need to but it was all about appearances.

"Franklin, I'm going to give you an injection. It might sting a little but afterwards you'll feel better and you'll be able to sleep." As he was saying this, he was compelling the patient to cooperate but released enough of his free will so that the patient would struggle just a little. When the male nurse came with the injection, Mason asked him to stay.

"I'll hold him while you give him the injection." Mason said thankful that it was the male nurse that responded.

"Shouldn't we have another pair of hands?" the nurse asked.

"No, it'll just agitate him again, once I get a hold on him, give him the shot and make it quick." Mason replied.

Fifteen minutes later the patient was in bed. The combination of the ativan and Mason's compulsion made it easy to get him to bed. Mason tapped on the bathroom door and called in, "You can come out now."

The nurse was still very much shaken when she came out. Mason gave her a few minutes to calm down, he wanted to know how she came to be trapped in the room, any experienced psych nurse knew not to be trapped like that.

"I don't work this floor, they floated me up from the med surg Unit." she replied.

"Were you ever oriented to this floor?" Mason asked.

"No and I told them that I wasn't comfortable with coming here but they said it as my turn to float." she replied.

Mason nodded at her, he knew that she would never make the same mistake again but what would have happened if he hadn't been here? Someone could have gotten seriously hurt; it was time to talk to someone about this. Joyce had tried and failed; now it was his turn to try. 

He looked at the clock; it was only four, three more hours to go.

********

Toni's pager went off only twice more during the shift. Both pages were easily handled by phone and both were about orders that she had written, she really had to work on improving her handwriting. For the rest of the shift, Toni thought about Mason and what it could mean for her and Jamie if she decided to see where their relationship went. She had to admit that Jamie was happier and so was she but she couldn't get around the fear of Mason dying on them. Her mother's advice about staying single because she wanted to and not out of fear ran through Toni's mind and she knew that if she turned Mason away it would be out of fear and nothing else. The question was could she get over that fear?

*******

The rest of Mason's shift passed quickly. He finished his dictation in record time and then shot off an email to the Director of Medical services about floating nursing with no psych experience to his unit and requested a meeting as soon as possible making sure to include that it had to be in the evening. The last thing he did before leaving was to call Toni.

"Good morning, how was the rest of your shift?" He asked when Toni answered.

"Quiet, nothing major happened." Toni replied and then hesitated.

"What's going on?" Mason asked sensing her hesitation.

"Nothing really, I think that we need to talk sooner rather than later about... well anyway we need to talk." she said.

Mason wasn't sure of how he should respond and proceeded carefully.

"Sure, would you like to talk tonight after Jamie is in bed?" 

"That would be good." Toni replied.

They talked for a moment more and just as Toni was about to hang up, Mason called her name.

"Toni?"

"I'm still here." she replied.

"I.... sleep well." Mason said and then hung up.

******

He was not going to tell her that he loved her over the phone; he wanted to see her face the first time that he told her but that wasn't the only reason. He didn't want to scare her off; he knew what she wanted to talk about but wasn't sure of how to prepare for it or even if there was a way to prepare for it.

He made last rounds making sure to check his orders on the combative patient, checked his work email and headed home. Unable to rest, he sat up watching CNN not really paying attention to what was happening around the world. Now that he had admitted that he loved Toni and Jamie, he was anxious to get this talk over with and to move forward in their lives together. He still hadn't figured out how to tell her that he was a vampire but maybe the best way was just to say it like Ethan had done with Katrina and then deal with the fallout. Then there was Jamie and what they would do about him but there was time for that later he told himself.

Before he lay down on his bed, he decided to see if Jamie was on his laptop. He had been too busy to read with him before his bedtime.

"Hi Dr. Mason!" Jamie said when Mason's face appeared on his laptop after he accepted the call.

"Hi Jamie, I'm sorry that we didn't get to read together last night, I had a very busy night. How are you feeling?"

"Good. Mom says that we're going on a boat ride tonight and then we're going to have ice cream after." Jamie said.

Mason laughed at Jamie's enthusiasm.

"That's the plan so make sure that you wear a jacket it might be cool out on the water." Mason advised.

"Ok, are you going to bed now?" Jamie asked.

"Soon. Try to be a good boy and let your mom sleep alright?"

"I will but I'm at gramma and grandpa's house right now." he replied.

"Oh, ok then be good for them too and I'll see you tonight." Mason said and logged off.

Mason lay down and was up thirty minutes later, he was nervous. There was a big possibility that Toni would decide not to move forward with him but then they still wouldn't be continuing with their evening plans would they? She told Jamie about the plans after she got home. To pass the time Mason baked chocolate chip cookies which happened to be Toni's favorite. When he was finished baking and packaging up the cookies, he surfed the web looking for nothing in particular just trying to pass the time. 

As he surfed, he allowed his mind to wander, if he and Toni got married, Jamie would be his son. Would she allow him to adopt him? For that matter, would she be interested in having a child? His child? "Stop it!" he told himself, that was the future that he wanted, after tonight; he would know whether that future was possible.

******

Toni had no better luck at resting than Mason did. She spent the day laying in bed and tying to finish the book that she was more than half way through but she couldn't concentrate. She thought of calling her mother but decided against it, she knew what would happen, Barbara wouldn't and couldn't be impartial. Barbara and Ben had known even before she did or admitted that Mason had feelings for her and she for him. Barbara would try to push her into choosing Mason. Toni realized that this was something that she had to work through alone and that she had better do it soon, it was already noon.

She could no longer say that she didn't know what James would have wanted her to do, he had told her in the disc and even in her dreams but she still felt tied to him somehow and it just wasn't because of Jamie. Toni lay in bed trying to figure out what she needed to do when she had an idea. She jumped out of bed, threw on a pair of sweats and went to her jewelry box. Sitting on the top of the pile of rarely worn jewelry was her wedding band. 

Toni looked at it for a long time before she picked it up, was this it? She wondered. Aside from the fear of Mason dying, there was this ring. Although she hadn't worn it for almost three years, was it another thing that she had to let go of? Toni put the ring into the pocket of the sweat pants, grabbed her phone and purse and headed toward the car.

A short time later, she was sitting on the ground in front of James' headstone.

"Hi sweetie." she said not feeling in the least bit stupid. "I'm sure that you know that Jamie had appendicitis but he's alright now. You would have been so proud of him; he was scared but so brave like you were. I guess you also know about your mom and what she did but James, I won't allow her or anyone else to hurt Jamie. It wasn't her place to tell him where and how you died and to be honest with you, I'm afraid that she's going to tell him that he's adopted before he's ready to hear it. Anyway, I've been seeing Mason Donahue and ... James, I love him. That doesn't mean that I didn't and don't love you and that Jamie and I will forget you, that would be impossible. But here's the thing, what if he dies? I know that there are no guarantees but that's one of the things that stopping me. The other thing has to do with us, I've let you go but there still seems to be something that I need to do."

Toni took the wedding band out of her pocket and held it tightly in her hand.

"I think that I need to give this to you. Maybe I'm just being silly but here it is and I want you to know that being married to you was one of the best things that ever happened to me."

Toni kissed the ring and sat it in front of the headstone and started to leave when she remembered one last thing that she wanted to say or rather ask of James.

"I'm sure that you know about Tom Myers. He's suffered so much because he misses you and blames himself for your death, if you could, could you find a way to let him know that it wasn't his fault any more than it was mine? Thank you sweetie and I don't mean just for that, I mean for everything."

Toni left the burial sight feeling a little better; the only thing left was the fear of being with someone and having them die.

*******

Jamie was ready to go and playing clock watcher.

"Mom! He's going to be here soon!" he called into Toni's room.

"For crying out loud, I have fifteen minutes!" Toni called back as she put on her shoes.

She knew the moment Mason arrived because she could hear Jamie's voice.

"I told her to hurry." he said.

She stopped just outside of the bedroom door when she heard Mason's response.

"Never rush a lady, when they take so long it means that she is taking care so that she looks beautiful for us." 

"But what if we're late?" Jamie asked.

"Then we plan accordingly so that the lady in question isn't hurried." Mason replied.

Toni could only imagine the confused expression on Jamie's face and smiled.

"Let's take tonight for example," Mason said. "I am here at six but the boat cannot be boarded before seven, we have plenty of time to get there and I have already purchased the tickets so there is no rush. We can leave as late as six-thirty and still have time to spare. Do you understand?"

Toni could tell by Jamie's voice that he really didn't get it. 

"Hi." she said walking into the living room. "Sorry I'm late." 

"No worries." Mason said smiling at her. "We have plenty of time. I was just telling Jamie that I already bought the tickets." 

Mason looked down at Jamie, "see what I mean? Your mother looks beautiful doesn't she? And it was well worth the wait."

Toni blushed, she wasn't quite sure of how she felt about Mason saying things like that in front of Jamie but then, what had he said? Nothing, he had paid her a compliment and that was it.

"Thank you." she said nervously.

Twenty minutes later they were waiting to board the ship. Jamie was beside himself with excitement, he had never been on a boat before.

"If you like it we'll do it again." Mason promised.

He just did it again Toni realized, he had just assumed that there would be a next time for anything. Again, she couldn't bring herself to be angry about it, he fit with them but they still needed to talk.

Jamie loved the cruise and was tickled when Mason bought him a sweatshirt and cap as souvenirs. Afterwards they went to a sit down ice cream parlor where the server came to the table. As soon as the server was at the table, Jamie started to tell her what he wanted. Mason gently interrupted him and asked the server for a few more minutes. When she was out of earshot, Mason spoke to Jamie.

"I know that you love ice cream and that you have been looking forward to this as have I but we'll let your mom order first because she is the lady, if it were just you and I, you would offer to let me go first because I am the elder or the oldest between us. Does that make sense?" Mason asked. 

Jamie thought about it and said that he understood.

"Good, and don't worry if you forget, it took me a long time to learn manners and how to treat a lady." Mason said giving Jamie a reassuring smile.

When the server came back, she looked at Jamie for his order.

"Let my mom go first." he said.

He beamed when the server complimented him on his manners.

"Aren't you just the gentleman?" she asked and then took Toni's order.

"Ok handsome, what would you like?" she asked Jamie who then deferred to Mason who then deferred back to Jamie.

"You go ahead and order, I think I'll share with you and your mom." he replied. 

Jamie ordered a banana split that he hadn't a hope of eating all of while Toni ordered the same minus the bananas- she hated bananas especially cold ones. After the ice cream they went back to Toni's condo where Jamie insisted on opening her car door for her.




Mason Ch. 14



She couldn't deny that Jamie needed a man in his life other than her father and Robert and that Mason was definitely good for him, for them she corrected. The things that Mason was teaching Jamie were things that she never would have thought of in a million years. She was struck again at how old world Mason was, he acted even older than her father and he was close to sixty-six. Mason was thirty-nine but he reminded her of the men in the early 1900's or even the men of an earlier time period in his mannerisms. The feeling that Mason wasn't being completely honest with her resurfaced. And tonight she was going to find out why. If she was thinking about entering into a true relationship with him then there had to be complete honesty. If he couldn't do that, then a relationship was out of the question no matter how she felt about him.

Mason watched Toni and knew that tonight was going to be the beginning of their true relationship. The question was whether he would tell her everything tonight or break it down into smaller pieces. He was more than a little apprehensive about her reaction when he told her that he wasn't human and found himself wishing that Jamie was spending the night with her folks. He was concerned enough that he thought about suggesting that they talk another night when that could be arranged but before he could say anything, Jamie was at his side waiting with a book. Maybe he would mention it after Jamie was in bed.

Toni could tell that Mason was as nervous as she was. Where he was usually very attentive where Jamie was concerned, now he was distracted but not so much that Jamie noticed. After several stories, Toni sent Jamie to get ready for bed.

"Can't I stay up just a little longer?" he begged.

"Nope, time for little boys to be in bed." Toni said affectionately.

"Please? I want to stay out here with you and Dr. Mason." Jamie whined.

Mason stood back and watched, for now this was Toni's domain.

"Jamie, the answer is no." Toni said firmly.

Jamie looked to Mason for help and when none was forthcoming he turned back to Toni.

"Mom..."

"Bed. Now." Toni said in the tone that Jamie knew all too well. "Now say goodnight to Dr. Mason and I'll be in to say good night to you in a few minutes."

Jamie went to Mason and gave him hug good night.

"Thank you for taking us on the boat and the ice cream." he said.

"You're welcome; get some sleep I'll talk to you tomorrow." Mason said returning the hug.

While Toni went to change into more comfortable clothes, Mason started to make coffee for him and Toni. "No point in delaying things." he muttered as he ground the coffee beans and got the coffee mugs down.

Toni watched Mason moved around her kitchen and wondered why he hadn't found someone else after Katrina. It wasn't as if they had a relationship the way she and James had. The only thing that she could come up with was that he had really loved her much the same way that she had loved James. While he made the coffee, Toni went to check on Jamie. He was in bed and obviously not happy about it but he knew better than to ask again. Toni kissed him good night, shut out the light and closed the door.

The coffee was ready by the time she got back to the kitchen.

"Five creams and five sugars." Mason said handing her the mug of coffee. He noticed that Toni was wearing the bunny slippers that he bought for her.

"You really like those?" he asked indicating the slippers.

"I really like them." Toni replied. "As a matter of fact, I like them so much that I take them to work and put them on when I'm not out on the floor." she added as she headed toward the living room. She missed the satisfied smile on Mason's face as he followed her to the living room.

Neither of them spoke for several minutes as they drank their coffee.

"Fuck it!" Mason said under his breath. He sat is coffee cup down on the table and sat back, he was going to do this.

"Toni, I love you."

Toni sputtered on the sip of coffee that she had just taken. When she didn't say anything, Mason continued.

"There's a lot that I have to tell you but right now that's the most important thing for you to know that and that I love Jamie too."

Toni sat on the couch in shock although she didn't know why; she knew that he had feelings for her but for him to actually say it was a surprise.

"Toni?" Mason said. "Did you hear me?"

"I heard you and I don't know what to say." she replied.

"Start with how you feel about me and don't you dare try to lie to me and say that you don't feel anything." Mason said his expression serious.

In fact that was exactly was she was going to do but how did he know that? She wondered.

"Mason, I... look, I'm not going to deny that I'm attracted to you and that I like being with you but..."

"Toni, do you love me?" Mason asked.

She was caught and she knew it but she didn't reply.

"You do and you're scared to admit it." Mason said. "Now tell me why." he added and then waited. Now that they had started, he was going to sit on her sofa all night if he had to but he wasn't leaving until she at least admitted that she loved him, the rest they could deal with later.

"You don't understand." Toni said softly.

"Then explain it to me." Mason said relieved that she didn't deny that she loved him. "Is it because you feel guilty?" he asked after several minutes.

"At first I felt guilty but I made my peace about that or as much as I could anyway." Toni replied.

Mason knew what the real issue was but he wanted her to verbalize it, he wanted her to understand that she could trust him with anything so he waited.

Toni looked at him and understood why he was so good at his job, the man had patience much the same way James did when he was waiting for her to decide whether she loved him or not and like James, Mason knew that she loved him as well. Toni finally got to the point where she realized that there was no use in denying or fighting what they both knew to be true.

"Alright, I love you! But that doesn't mean..."

The "I love you" was all that he needed to hear, before Toni had finished her sentence, Mason was beside her on the couch and had her in his arms kissing her. Toni was caught so off guard that she didn't resist- at first. Toni put her hands on his shoulder and pushed. Mason broke the kiss with a very happy grin on his face.

"You didn't let me finish." Toni said a little breathlessly. "You wanted to know why I was so scared to say it so I'm going to tell you."

Mason leaned back taking Toni with him; she was exactly where he wanted her for now. "Tell me." He urged.

Toni hesitated and then spoke.

"After James died, I didn't think that I would want to be with anyone again and it wasn't just because of guilt, it was because I can't go through that again. I don't ever want to hurt like that again, I don't want Jamie to have to go through that again and before you say it , yes I know that we all have to die and that either I'll see him die or he'll see me die but it scares me.

Last night when I wasn't busy, all I could think about was if I entered into a full relationship with you, what would happen if you died? What would happen to Jamie? Because that little boy loves you even if he doesn't recognize the emotion in relationship to you."

As Mason listened to Toni talk, he debated as to whether this was the time to tell her what she needed to know and decided to wait. One thing at a time, knowing that she loved him was enough for now, but on second thought, he decided to tell her about the condo next door.

"Toni, I have a confession." Mason said.

Toni tried to sit up sop that she could see his face but he held her in place not ready to let her go. Toni insisted on sitting so that she could see him and reluctantly Mason let her up.

'I'm listening." Toni said when she was looking at him.

"I know who bought the condo next to you." he said quietly.

"You do? Who and how do you know?" Toni asked.

Mason hesitated before he spoke, "It was me."

"You?" she asked confused and then she was angry. "You lied to me. You acted like you didn't know anything and to me that's a lie by omission."

"I had a reason for not telling you." Mason said.

"I'm sure you did, would you care to explain why you bought the condo next to mine and didn't tell me?" Toni asked her tone icy.

He couldn't lie to her, she would know so he went with the truth.

"I didn't want anyone living next to you and I wanted to be able to be close to you and Jamie whenever I could." Mason explained.

"Have you been staying there?" Toni asked.

"No, I've been in and out but I actually moved in the week before you moved in here. I didn't want you to think that I was stalking you or crowding you. I wanted you to know how I felt about you before I told you." Mason replied.

Toni considered his explanation and knew with certainty that he wasn't lying to her. 

"Alright, I can accept that but that really is a little creepy." Toni replied much to Mason's relief. "But you've lied to me before and I want to know why." Toni added.

"Toni, I didn't...."

"Yes you did." Toni interrupted. "The first time was when I asked you why you didn't send me a bill for your services when you were treating me. The second time was when I asked you why you hadn't cashed the check that I gave you, the third time was when I asked you why you were practicing in a institutional setting when you had a lucrative private practice but that time you told me a partial lie, the last time was when I asked you how old you were.

Honesty is important to me and if you feel that you have to lie to me about things that in the big picture may not matter, what else are you going to lie to me about? I can't and won't be with someone who doesn't trust me enough to tell me the truth no matter how much I may love them so this is your one chance to come clean. If you can't then ...."

"Toni, you don't know what you're asking." Mason said.

"Yes, I do." Toni replied. "I asked a very simple question, why did you lie to me and while I'm at it, how in the hell did I know that you lied?"

Mason floundered, this wasn't the time to do this but he had to give her something. "Would it suffice if I told you that the fact that you know when I'm lying is an indication that we are meant to be together?" Mason asked.

Again Toni listened to Mason's words.

"You're not lying... How? I don't ... How?" she asked.

"Toni, there is so much that I need to tell you but not tonight, do you think that your parents can take care of Jamie for a night? Much of what I have to tell you isn't for little ears and I will need all your attention." Mason said.

"Mason, what aren't you telling me?" Toni asked.

"Call your mother and see if they can take Jamie tomorrow night." Mason urged.

He watched as Toni debated whether to push the issue or not and then decided to do things his way. A few minutes later, arrangements for Jamie had been made.

"Good, I'll come for you at six and dress comfortably." Mason said. "And you can even wear your bunny slippers." he added as he pulled Toni into his arms. 

"Mason, what's the big secret?" Toni asked her curiosity piqued.

"Tomorrow I promise to tell you everything, there will be no lies or half truths and besides, you would know if I lied to you just as you knew that I lied before. I am going to ask you to do something for me." Mason said.

"You want me to trust you." Toni said.

"That and that you keep an open mind. Do you think that you can do that?" He asked. 

Toni tried to imagine what he had to tell her that was so hush-hush but she would have to wait. 

"I can only promise to try to keep an open mind. The fact that I've let you anywhere near Jamie and that I told you that I loved you albeit reluctantly should tell you that I trust you, it's the lies that I don't understand." Toni replied.

"I understand." Mason replied "but tomorrow night, you'll understand everything and we can move forward."

Mason left around six that morning before Jamie would be getting up. He didn't want Jamie to think that he had spent the night with Toni and realistically, if he knew Toni, that wouldn't happen until they were married or if Jamie was at his grandparents. With any luck, he was hoping that they would end up spending the night in his bed which reminded him that he wanted a new bed in his room. He didn't want Toni sleeping in the same bed that he had shared with another woman. As soon as he was in his car, he would call for the old bed to be removed and a new one brought in.

For just a brief moment he thought of having Toni come over to the condo next to hers but he changed his mind liking the idea of his house better, after all he was planning on Toni and Jamie moving in with him at some point and she might as well see her new home. He kissed Toni at the door, hating to leave her. This, he thought to himself was how he should have felt the very first time that he laid eyes on her.

Toni returned the kiss with no reluctance and was surprised that she felt no guilt or at least very little. She was even more surprised by the fact that she really didn't want Mason to leave. She wasn't frightened but more anxious than anything else.

"Toni, I am not going to die on you. I promise. Mason assured her wishing that he could stay with her. "Tell Jamie I'll talk to him later."

Mason kissed her once more and told her that he loved her before leaving. He had things to do to prepare for tonight.

Toni watched Mason walk away and almost called him back. "Get a grip." she mumbled as she closed the door and locked it. She rinsed out the coffee mugs, put them in the dishwasher and put the cream and sugar away before going into her bedroom. Jamie would be up soon wanting breakfast; he would be excited that he was going to his grandparents but upset because he wouldn't get to see Mason unless it was on the computer. Toni's stomach gave a nervous lurch as she tried to think of what could be so terrible that Mason didn't want Jamie to hear it. It gave another nervous lurch when she thought about the kiss and what it meant. It hadn't escaped her notice that Mason was hard when he held her tight against him.

"Oh god." she murmured as she sat down on the bed. 



Mason Ch. 15



Toni sat on the bed for an hour thinking about what had transpired between her and Mason. She was tempted to call him and demand that he tell her whatever it was so that she could decide whether to jump ship or not. She forced herself to calm down when she heard Jamie in the kitchen, the last thing that she wanted was for him to be upset.

"Morning." Toni said with forced brightness as she walked into the kitchen.

"Morning mom, want some cereal?" Jamie asked getting her a bowl before she responded.

Mason had rubbed off on him Toni noticed. 

"Yes, thank you." she replied.

She watched as Jamie poured her cereal first and then his own and then waited for her to pour the milk.

"Jamie, you really like Dr. Mason don't you?" she asked as she poured the milk.

Jamie looked at her as if she had gone nuts but he answered the question.

"Yep."

"Why do you like him?" Toni asked.

"Dunno, he's nice and he likes us." Jamie replied.

"What about Dr. Ellis? He's nice too." Toni said and watched Jamie's expression.

"I don't like him." He said scrunching up his face.

"Why don't you like him?" Toni asked.

"He doesn't like me but he likes you." Jamie said.

"How could you possibly know that?" Toni asked.

"He didn't talk to me." Jamie replied as he finished his cereal.

Toni thought back to when Jamie was in the hospital. Jamie was right, Mike said hello to him at the beginning and then Jamie ceased to exist as Mike worked on his own agenda whereas Mason made a point of speaking to Jamie and included him in on any conversation that was age appropriate.

She felt silly asking a five year old about a man that she was thinking of becoming involved with but his opinion counted.

Jamie jumped up when he heard his laptop beeping.

"Dr. Mason!" he squealed as he ran into his bedroom.

"Question asked and answered." Toni said under her breath.

She had never listened in on the talks that Jamie and Mason had on the laptop, it was just another indication that she trusted him. This morning however, she listened.

"Good morning Jamie." Mason said.

"Good morning Dr. Mason." Jamie replied. "Are you coming over tonight?"

"Not tonight, your mother and I have some things to talk about that young men shouldn't hear." Mason replied.

"Like what?" Jamie asked.

"I'll let your mother tell you if she chooses to but I was wondering if you could help me with something." Mason said.

"Okay!" Jamie said eagerly.

"What should I make your mom for dinner tonight?" Mason asked. 

Toni knew what Mason was doing; he knew that Jamie would be disappointed at not seeing him so he found a way to include him in on the evening.

"I think that you should make..... Pancakes, the Mickey Mouse ones, she likes those." Jamie said.

"Pancakes? Anything else?" Mason asked.

"Mickey Mouse pancakes." Jamie corrected, "And she likes that bacon that has the pepper on it." Jamie added.

"What about something to drink?" Mason asked.

"Orange juice." Jamie replied without hesitating.

"That sounds like a good dinner." Mason said smiling at Jamie, "Thank you for helping me plan it."

"You're welcome, will I see you tomorrow?" Jamie asked.

"I hope so." Mason replied. He was hesitant to say yes just in case the evening didn't go as planned. Fortunately, Jamie was satisfied with his answer.

Toni stepped away from Jamie's room leaving him and Mason to continue their conversation. Mason obviously thought highly of Jamie, "No, he said that he loved him." Toni said quietly.

*******

Mason drove home making plans for the evening; he had already called his furniture supplier and was meeting them at his house in fifteen minutes. The new bed would arrive with them and would be set up in next to no time, he had new linens that he would use on the bed and would dispose of any linen that he had used with Gretchen. They were washed but as far as he was concerned, that wasn't the point, he didn't want Toni sleeping on anything that he had used with another woman. 

When he got home, his furniture supplier was waiting at the gate. Mason drove in, parked in the garage and then went to the front to let the men in. While they tore down the old bed, Mason got online with Jamie. He knew that Jamie would be disappointed that he wouldn't see him tonight and that was why he asked him what he should make for dinner. Another man might have pretended that he was going to make the meal suggested but Mason was really going to make it whatever it was. It was important that Jamie and Toni both realize that he was a man of his word.

As he and Jamie talked, Mason did a mental checklist of his supplies, he had everything except the peppered bacon but that was easy enough to make and he had fresh oranges in the fridge. By the time he was finished talking to Jamie, the old bed had been taken away and the new bed set up. He admonished Jamie to be good and logged off. He prepared the pancake batter and peppered the bacon before going to his room to make the bed. He had staff that could have done it but he liked his bed made in a certain way and no matter how hard they tried, his staff couldn't quite get the hang of it so now he made his own bed.

That done, Mason sat in the living room with his feet propped up and began to practice how he was going to tell Toni that he was a vampire.

"Toni, I'm a vampire." No he thought. It was too... something.

"Toni, you're going to find this hard to believe but I'm not human." Mason grimaced.

After an hour of trying various approaches, he gave up deciding to see how the evening played out. He began to wonder what Toni knew about vampires, "probably nothing other than that drivel they show on television." he grumbled.

Mason closed his eyes to rest hoping that some inspiration would come to him as he rested. Around one in the afternoon, his cell phone rang. Mason checked the ID, Joyce.

"Yes Joyce." Mason said as politely as he could.

"Wow, you actually answered the phone, fancy that." Joyce said.

"Did you need something?" Mason asked.

"This time it's a real need." Joyce said. "I'm leaving for good this time and I wanted to talk to you about joining your practice."

"Joyce...."

"Just hear me out, I may be a busy body but I'm a damned good psychiatrist and you know it. You also know that we work well together as long as we're not in the office at the same time which is related to my big mouth. Anyway, I think that we could work something out. If not with you then maybe Eustace Matthews will take me on as a partner. What do you think?"

"I think that Eustace won't consider it because as I told you he and I are partners when the mood or need strikes. I also know that he wouldn't tolerate your mouth and it would end badly for you, why don't you consider opening your own office?" Mason asked.

"Because you have to have clients to do that." Joyce replied.

Mason didn't want to share a practice with Joyce no matter how good of a psychiatrist she was and neither would Eustace even if he was looking for a partner. He understood the desire to leave because he wanted to leave too; he was only there because of Toni which brought up another issue-work.

"How about this," Mason said. "I won't go into practice with you and I won't give you Eustace Matthew's number but I will give him yours so that he can contact you if he's interested. I will also refer clients to you to get you started and you can use my office space during the day only as I see my clients during the evening."

Joyce for once was speechless, "Y... you would do that?" Joyce asked. "Why?"

"As you said, in spite of your mouth you are very good at what you do. Think about it and get back to me but not tonight." Mason said.

"Ahh, plans with Toni?" Joyce asked.

"Good bye Joyce." Mason said and hung up shaking his head. Would the woman never learn? He wondered.

Five hours to go and it was too early to call Ethan, the girls had finally gone to the sleeping during the day/up at night schedule. According to Ethan, they were even busier finding all kinds of things to get into but he loved it and them. It made Mason realize that he wanted that, even though he would consider and did consider Jamie to be his son, he wanted a child with Toni.

He laughed at himself when he thought about him changing diapers and then he turned serious, he really wanted this. Toni would be the one to stop it and if she said no then.... "I'm getting ahead of myself." he muttered.

*******

With Jamie gone, Toni had nothing but time to think. "What are you thinking about?" she asked herself as she munched on one of the chocolate chip cookie that Mason made a few days before.

It was another one of those times that she really wanted to talk to her mother but she didn't think that she could stand to hear the "I told you so" speech. Toni sighed and decided to go for a walk to clear her head; she wondered why she was making this so difficult. 

"Because you're scared dumb ass." She muttered. "Admit it, you want the man." she added as she headed out of the door. Her walk took her to her parent's condo where Jamie and Ben were playing some kind of video game and Barbara was in the kitchen making a snack for them when Toni got there.

"Hi mom." Toni said as she sat at the counter.

"Hi baby, are you alright?"

"Yes, no oh hell mom I don't know!" Toni exclaimed suddenly not caring about the "I told you so" speech.

"Does this have anything to do with Mason?" Barbara asked as she sat the snacks on a tray.

"It.... Yes, it does." Toni admitted.

"Let me take this out to the boys and we'll talk." Barbara said as she picked up the tray and headed for the living room.

Toni closed her eyes and sighed, it just shouldn't be this hard.

Barbara came back to the kitchen and made coffee while Toni got the sugar and cream out and sat them on the table, a few minutes later each woman was holding a cup of coffee. Barbara waited for Toni to say something and when she didn't she asked.

"Do you love him?"

"Just because you love someone, it doesn't mean that you should be with them." Toni replied.

"I'll take that as a yes." Barbara replied and instead of doing the "I told you so" spiel, Barbara asked another question. "Did he tell you that he loves you?"

"Yes but..."

"Did he mention Jamie?"

"Yes but..."

"Does he want him too?"

"Yes." Toni said.

"So what's the problem?" Barbara asked. "Is it James?"

"Believe it or not the answer is no, I've pretty much made my peace with that although I still have my moments when I feel a little guilty." Toni replied.

"Alright, so what's the problem? You love each other and Jamie which to me is the most important thing, so what are you afraid of?" Barbara asked.

Toni looked into her coffee cup and then back at Barbara.

"What if he dies?" she asked in a whisper.

"And what if he doesn't? Baby, there are no guarantees; he can't promise you that he won't die any more than I can. Death is as certain as taxes and it's a part of life. Now I can't and won't tell you what to do but are you really thinking about sending that man away because you're afraid that he might die?"

That is exactly what she'd been thinking.

"Toni, its time to stop being afraid and time to start letting yourself be happy." Barbara said. "Jamie loves him too and he's so much happier since Mason's been around, so are you for that matter. If you send him away, make sure it's what you really want."

She was right Toni realized. The crux of the matter was her fear that Mason would die leaving her and Jamie alone-again. It all came down to her making a conscious decision to take that gamble, Barbara was right, Mason might not die anytime soon, he could live to be a hundred.

She had just made her decision.

Toni hugged her mother and thanked her.

"And thanks for not saying I told you so." she added.

"You're welcome and I did tell you so." Barbara replied unable to resist.

Toni kissed both her dad and Jamie on her way out and headed back toward home. As she walked, her cell phone rang. She squinted in the sunlight to see the number and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Toni? Hi it's me Mike Ellis. I got your number from the staff directory, how are you?"

"Fine, did you need something?" Toni asked.

"I was wondering about you and Donahue, how serious is it?"

"I don't think that's any of your business." Toni replied.

"I just want to be sure that I don't have a shot at you before I throw in the towel." Mike said.

Toni rolled her eyes, a good doctor he might be but the man was an arrogant jerk.

"Okay Mike, you're hearing this first from me, throw in the damned towel!" Toni said and hung up.

The phone rang again as soon as she hung up.

"Mike I..."

"Toni?" Mason's voice asked.

"Oh, hi I thought that you were somebody else. What's going on?" she asked.

"I just wanted to see how you were." Mason replied.

"Fine," Toni said. "But what you really want to know is if I thinking about changing my mind about tonight. Am I right?"

"Yes you're right." Mason conceded.

"I'm still coming; you've got some things to explain." Toni replied.

"Good, by the way who were you so irritated with?" Mason asked.

"Oh Mike Ellis just called." Toni replied without thinking about it.

"What did he want?" Mason asked trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

"Nothing really, he just wanted to know if we were serious."

"What did you tell him?" Mason asked.

"I told him none of his business and hung up. I thought it was him calling back when I just answered the phone." Toni replied just as she reached her condo.

"Good answer." Mason said.

"Well it isn't any of his business and ... Mason? Are you alright?" Toni asked not knowing why she asked. He sounded the same but there was something different. He was.... Angry but why?

"I'm fine." Mason replied. "Just angry that Ellis insists on calling you when I thought that I made myself clear."

The truth.

"Don't worry about it, I told him to give up." Toni said but got the feeling that her words did little to take away his anger.

"I'll hang up now, I just wanted to check up on you and I wanted to tell you that I love you." Mason said.

"I... I love you too." Toni replied and hung up.

********

Apparently Joyce wasn't the only one who never learned Mason thought to himself. Mike Ellis was becoming a thorn in his side that needed to be yanked out. It was still too early to go out but he could call the bastard. Mason called the hospital and got Mike's number from the exchange, which was much too easy he realized. He could have been anyone and they simply gave him a physician's phone number without asking questions.

Mason dialed Mike's number and waited for him to pick up; it took three rings before that happened.

"Ellis here." he said instead of the traditional hello.

"Mason Donahue here, just what in the fuck are you up to?" Mason asked.

"What do you mean?" 

"Don't try to play me." Mason hissed. "I told you that Toni Jacobson is off limits and yet you call her. If you call her or talk to her about anything other than work related issues, you will regret it. Consider this your last warning." Mason hung up and leaned back into his chair, he was almost certain that he hadn't heard the last of the fool.

He spent the rest of the afternoon preparing the bedroom. He placed candles in the bathroom and in the Jacuzzi room located just off of the bathroom. He also placed candles in the bedroom as well as the fresh flowers that he had his staff pick up at the florist. The apartment sized refrigerator was filled with water, juice; wine-although he knew that Toni wasn't a big drinker and a cheese tray that was sealed in an air tight container. Everything was ready and he still had two hours to go.

********

Toni soaked in the Jacuzzi tub and tried to calm her nerves, after tonight she would know one way or the other if Mason was going to be a fixture in her and Jamie's life. Whether he would be a permanent fixture, it was too soon to tell but how would she feel if he were? She wondered as she closed her eyes and dozed off.

Because she did tend to fall asleep in the tub, Toni always used an egg timer and set it to go off in fifteen minutes and that's what woke her. She climbed out of the tub, put on her robe and looked at the clock, she still had an hour and a half before Mason came and since she didn't have to dress up, she had time for a nap. She set her alarm and lay down on the bed, within minutes, she was asleep.

The doorbell ringing woke her up. She looked at the clock and cursed, she had forgotten to turn the alarm on after setting the time. She jumped out of bed and ran to the front door peeking out before she opened it.

"I am so sorry!" she gushed, "I fell asleep and just give me a minute to get dressed."

As far as Mason was concerned, she never had to put on another stitch of clothing. As she talked, he had to put his hands in his pockets so that he wouldn't untie her bathrobe.

"It's alright, take your time." Mason said as he stepped closer to her and put his hands on her waist.

Toni couldn't move. Her skin tingled even though Mason wasn't touching her skin directly. 

Mason looked down at her and pulled her closer so that she was flush against him. Toni put her hands on his waist to steady herself; she could feel her heart pounding as she felt a kiss on the top of her head. Her breasts tingled reminding her that they hadn't been touched in over three years and she felt moisture gathering between her legs. 

Toni made herself step back; "I'll only be a few minutes." she said and rushed off.

Mason watched as she practically ran into her bedroom, tonight was it, tonight Toni Jacobson would be in his bed he thought confidently as he adjusted his cock in his jeans.

Toni washed her face with cold water and looked at herself in the mirror, she hadn't felt desire like that since James and even at its best it had been intense but nothing like this. Toni dried her face and hands managing to convince herself that the desire was so intense because she hadn't been with anyone since James. 

She dressed quickly opting for a plain white bra and panties, a tee shirt, jeans and a pair of striped socks. She slipped on her 'K mart' sneakers and grabbed a jacket and the bunny slippers on the way out.

Mason was thumbing through a magazine when she came out.

"Sorry." Toni said.

"No worries, we don't have to be anywhere." Mason said as he helped her with her jacket and taking a moment to hold her after it was on. 

Toni grabbed her purse, keys and phone before leaving the condo, she had half expected Mason to take her next door but wasn't too surprised when he offered her his arm and led her to the car. 

"Where do you live?" she asked as she watched the scenery speed by.

"Not far, about twenty minutes from your condo." Mason replied. "You can change the radio station if you like or put in a CD, they're in the armrest."

"I don't suppose that you have any big band or blues?" Toni asked.

"Sorry but I don't." Mason replied. "Who are your favorite artists?"

"Benny Goodman, BB King and people like that, do you only listen to classical music?"

"Most of the time yes if not that then the news." Mason replied.

"Have you listened to other types of music?" Toni asked. "Most people like more than one genre."

The fact was that he had and for the most part found that music other than classical obnoxious as it didn't soothe the nerves.

"No, I haven't." he admitted and explained why.

"I see what you're saying but sometimes I don't want to be soothed, sometimes I need something that makes me want to move, to dance. You know what I mean? There are days when a happy, upbeat song makes me feel better. Haven't you ever suggested to your clients that they listen to something upbeat?"




Mason Ch. 15



Mason considered what Toni said. She had a point and no he had never suggested that his clients that they try listening to different types of music.

"I've never suggested that but I'm open to trying it." Mason replied. "Thank you for the suggestion."

A few minutes later, they were pulling up to a massive gate.

"Is this your house?" Toni asked.

"Yes, it is. I know that it's large but it had several amenities that I required." Mason replied.

"Wow and I thought that my house was big." Toni said as she looked at the house in front of them.

Mason parked the car, got out and helped Toni out of the car.

"Its beautiful here." she said looking around.

"It's quiet and it has a water view both of which I deem necessary. Are you ready to go in?"

Toni nodded and took Mason's offered arm. Once inside, he gave her the grand tour but avoided taking her to the bedroom. Toni commented on all of the televisions.

"Why so many?"

"When I am home, every single television is turned on to a news channel, I've always been one to read and watch every newspaper, magazine and news program that I could. That's how I found out that you married James and later about your adopting Jamie and then James' death."

Toni didn't reply at first, she wondered if he ever watched anything fun.

"I watch very little news; I see enough of what people can do to each other at work."

"So what do you watch?" Mason asked as he led Toni to the kitchen.

"Comedies and other things that make me laugh; I like the history channel too. Toni replied as she sat in a chair and kicked off her shoes. "Where'd you put the slippers?" she asked looking around.

"In the living room, stay put, I'll go get them." Mason replied.

While he was gone, Toni looked around the kitchen. It was meticulous, for just a minute she wondered if he really cooked here.

"Here you are." Mason said as he knelt on the floor in front of her and put the slippers on her feet.

He stayed where he was for a moment just looking at her, "You really are lovely." he murmured as he reached up and touched her face.

Toni's face was hot and the tingling to her breasts was back.

"Umm what's for dinner?" she asked looking at the stove.

Mason stifled a chuckle as he stood up.

"Mickey Mouse pancakes, peppered bacon and fresh orange juice." Mason replied. "I asked Jamie what he thought that you would like and this was his suggestion." Mason said as he took the bacon, whipped cream and cherries out of the fridge and stirred the pancake batter.

"I... I heard you ask him but I didn't think that you would really do it, he'll be thrilled." Toni said shocked.

"Toni, I am a man of my word and I don't make empty promises or promises that I have no intention of keeping. I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't going to do it."

"So if Jamie had suggested lobster..."

"Then we would be having lobster." Mason said interrupting her. 

"Can I help with anything?" Toni asked.

"You could flour the bacon." Mason said as he got down a canister filled with flour.

"Why would you flour bacon?" Toni asked as she walked over to the counter.

"I bake it and not fry it." Mason explained. "The bacon doesn't shrivel up and it gets nice and crisp."

"Oh." Toni said.

It wasn't very long before the counter was covered with flour and Mason was almost beside himself with frustration. He was an immaculate cook, he washed dishes as he used them and kept his counters spotless and now it was a disaster area.

"Toni, why don't you let me clean up that mess?" he asked.

"Why? I'm not done and it's only going to get dirty again." Toni said as she floured another piece of bacon.

"Toni, stop." Mason said and reached for her hand.

"Hey!" Toni exclaimed flinging the floured slice of bacon so that flour flew everywhere including Mason's shirt.

She stopped, covered her mouth with a flour covered hand and started to laugh.

"I am so sorry!" she said still laughing. "Now you know why mom and James never allowed me in the kitchen." she added.

Mason watched and listened to her laugh and the mess no longer mattered. Before he could stop himself, he took the bacon from her hand, picked her up and sat her on the floured covered counter.

Toni let out a startled yelp when she felt herself being lifted.

"Mas..."

That was all that she got out before his mouth was covering hers. Mason pulled her hips forward until they were at the edge of the counter and he was standing between her legs grinding against her as he kissed her. This wasn't the way he planned it, he needed to talk to her first but he couldn't make himself stop. 

Toni found herself responding to the kiss. She wrapped her arms around Mason's neck and kissed him as fiercely as he was kissing her. She opened her mouth and offered her tongue to him moaning when he accepted it sucking it gently. Toni rocked against Mason's cock and felt his hands under her tee shirt rubbing her back and moving downward to her ass to pull her even tighter against his cock.

Mason broke the kiss and moved to her neck nipping and sucking at it as he continued to move against her, he had to have her even if it was on a floured covered counter.

"Toni, I want you." he whispered against her neck, his breath ragged. His hands fumbled with the clasps of her bra moving back slightly when the clasps were undone. Mason pulled back to look at her, looking for indications that would tell him that he had to stop. When he saw nothing to indicate that he had gone too far, he lifted Toni's tee shirt, pulled the cups of the bra down and attacked one nipple and then the other. 

Toni cried out when Mason took one nipple and then the other into his mouth and sucked hard, she reached down between them and struggled with the buttons on his jeans. Mason released her nipple from his mouth, stepped back and undid his jeans but stopped her from undoing hers.

"Let me."

Toni's eyes widened when Mason unzipped his jeans and let them fall over his hips and to the floor before stepping out of them. James hadn't been small by any stretch of the imagination but Mason was even larger. With his eyes on hers, Mason moved toward Toni and kissed her while unfastening her jeans. With one hand he pulled the zipper down, lifted her up enough to slide the garment from underneath her ass and down her legs until they got caught on the bunny slippers that were still on her feet. Knowing that she wouldn't notice, Mason thought the slippers away allowing the jeans to fall to the floor.

The only thing left between him and his cock were her panties. Mason kissed Toni's chest and took a nipple back into his mouth and sucked hard as he put a hand between her legs.

In the back of her mind, Toni was thinking that things were moving way too fast and that they needed to stop but she couldn't bring herself to say it, she wanted and needed this. Once they were naked, she knew that it was over; any ideas of stopping were shot to hell.

She tangled her hands into Mason's dark hair pulling it hard when he hit a particularly sensitive spot on her body as he gently pushed her back until she was lying on her back. 

Mason stopped at her waist, he could smell how aroused she was and feel the heat radiating from her body, she belonged to him whether she understood that or not. He took the waistband of her panties and slid them down, raising her hips to ease them off.

For the first time since they began to make love, Mason spoke to her.

"I love you Toni Jacobson, you and Jamie are mine."

Toni thought that it was an odd way to tell someone that you loved them but didn't get the chance to comment. Mason's face was buried in her crotch licking and sniffing at her. Toni's torso rose off of the counter as she moaned and opened her legs wider inviting him to do what it had taken her years to allow James to do.

Mason wasted no time in accepting the invitation, he took a slow lick and then took her clit into his mouth and suckled from it, the tip of his tongue flitting across the top of it one second and flat and rubbing against it the next. Mason heard her moaning and heard the slow build up to a scream, she was close. When Toni was close to orgasm, he slid two fingers inside of her and pumped them in and out. Moments later, Toni's screams reverberated throughout the house. Before her orgasm was completely over, Mason stood, held her legs open and slammed into her and began to pump into her hard and fast sending her into a second orgasm whose intensity matched his own. Instead of one voice screaming out in pleasure, there were two.

Mason lay on top of Toni's sweat slicked body and kissed her.

"Toni, are you alright?" he asked.

"I... um... I'm fine, what about you?" she asked as she tried to catch her breath.

"Toni, if you're waiting for me to apologize, it isn't going to happen." Mason said as he moved to kiss a nipple. "I won't apologize for something that I'm not sorry about."

Did she want an apology? She wondered. "I don't want or need an apology, I was an active and willing participant." she said. 

Mason kissed her again on the nipple and looked at the counter. Amazingly, the food was still intact and not on the floor and the most surprising thing of all was that the mess really didn't bother him as much as it normally would have.

Reluctantly Mason moved from on top of Toni. She was a mess, covered with sweat and flour from the counter. He held out his hand, helped Toni sit up and lifted her down from the counter. 

"I'll show you where the shower is and see if I have something that you can wear." Mason said leading her to his room. 

Toni took note of the flowers and candles.

"You were planning to seduce me." she stated.

"That was the plan." Mason said as he led her to the shower with the intent of letting her shower alone. He laid out several thick towels and washcloths and was ready to leave when he heard the shower running. He turned around to see Toni's silhouette against the opaque shower walls, and changed his mind. As they showered, he realized that the hard part was yet to come. He still had to tell her what he was. 

After the shower, Toni wrapped one of the big fluffy towels around her and used a smaller towel to wrap around her head. Mason had gotten out of the shower before her and was already downstairs in the kitchen cleaning up the mess that she made when she was flouring the bacon.

She was somewhat surprised at the lack of guilt that she felt; she really thought that she would feel guilty after making love with someone other than James for the first time. She also admitted that she knew that she and Mason would end up in bed together before the night was out but she hadn't expected it to be so incredible.

She slipped on the tee shirt that Mason left laying on the bed for her and made her way downstairs. The kitchen was spotless, the bacon floured and lined up in a baking dish and the pancakes were ready to be cooked. Mason was sitting on the patio in a clean tee shirt and jeans looking at the water.

"A penny for your thoughts." Toni said as she sat in the empty lounge chair beside him.

Mason smiled and reached for her hand but didn't say anything. Toni looked over at him and wondered what was bothering him, the thought that he was sorry for what happened crossed her mind.

"I'm not sorry." Mason said.

"What?"

"I said that I'm not sorry for making love with you but are you sorry?" he asked.

"No, no I'm not." Toni replied honestly.

"Do you feel guilty?

"No." Toni said after the briefest of hesitations.

Mason nodded and began to stroke the back of her hand with his thumb. He seemed to be trying to decide something so Toni didn't speak.

A few minutes later, the bacon was in the oven and Toni was sipping on freshly squeezed orange juice. Mason decided to see what he could find out what Toni believed about the supernatural world.

"Jamie told me that you like to read." Mason said as he pulled up a stool next to Toni's.

"I enjoy it but I don't read nearly as much as I would like to." Toni replied.

"What type of books do you like to read?"

"I don't know if I have a particular type of book that I would call a favorite. I like to read about almost anything." Toni replied and wondered where he was going with the questions.

"Do you enjoy books about the supernatural?" Mason asked.

"Are you talking about werewolves and things like that? Sure. Do I think that such things exist? Who knows?"

At least it wasn't a flat out no Mason told himself as he went to check the bacon.

After dinner was over Mason cleaned up the kitchen, when it was as spotless as he liked he turned his attention back to Toni.

"Have a little OCD do we?" Toni asked.

"I am not obsessive compulsive, I just like things a certain way." Mason replied.

"Uh huh, that's why you about freaked when the flour was on the counter." Toni replied trying not to laugh.

"That doesn't mean that I'm OCD." Mason replied although he knew that she was right.

"Whatever." Toni said laughing.

Mason became serious, while he was cleaning the kitchen; he took the time to think. He wasn't going to screw around and play games. He was just going to have to trust that Toni could handle the truth. He had no doubt that she wouldn't believe him at first, he also knew that when she did, she was going to be as mad as hell. She would see it as a lie by omission which in a way it was. He knew he should have told her before now but the time had never seemed just right but the making love had. That Toni loved him he had no doubt but would and could she accept what he was once she was over her anger? 

Toni looked at Mason and wondered what he was thinking about that was making him so pensive. Whatever he had to tell her couldn't be that bad could it?

"Why don't we talk to Jamie before he goes to bed?" Mason suggested.

A few minutes later, Jamie's face was on the laptop.

"Hi mom! Hi Dr. Mason! Did you have Mickey Mouse pancakes for dinner?" he asked.

"We sure did and they were delicious." Toni replied very aware of Mason's hand on her back.

They talked for a couple of minutes before Mason suggested that he read a nighttime story.

"It's called the 'Chronicles of Narnia." Mason said, "A man by the name of C.S Lewis wrote it. It's about three children who go to another place and time. Would you like me to read the first chapter to you?" 

Jamie didn't hesitate in his answer.

"Yes please if it's alright with my mom."

"Mom?" Mason asked teasingly and put an arm around her.

"Alright but then you get ready for bed." Toni told Jamie.

Jamie and Toni listened transfixed as Mason read the first chapter of the book.

"I'll read the next chapter another time." Mason said as he closed the book and marked the page. "Now go get ready for bed like your mom said.

"Ok, night mom, night Dr. Mason." Jamie said.

After they said their goodnights, Mason suggested that they watch one of her television shows, he was stalling and Toni knew it.

"No but thanks, I'd much rather hear some explanations."

Mason sighed, this was really it. He offered Toni something to drink and when she said no, he began to talk.

"Toni before I say anything I want you to remember a few things. First and foremost, I love you and Jamie, the second thing is that I want you to remember how you knew that I was lying and...."

"Stop stalling and spit it out!" Toni said losing patience. "I hate when people pussyfoot around so whatever it is, just say it."

"I'm a vampire."

Toni stared at Mason, "what did you just say?" she asked.

"I am a 600 years old plus vampire."

Toni started to laugh, "Very funny."

"Toni, I'm telling you the truth. Listen to my words and tell me that I'm lying."

Toni was still laughing, "Isn't there s psychiatric term for people who think that they're vampires?

"Toni..."

"Really, if you didn't want to see me anymore, all you had to do was say so..."

"Toni!"

Toni kept laughing; she knew that he wasn't lying to her, that he was a vampire or thought he was. It was the look on his face that stopped her laughter. Mason was looking at her with a serious expression on his face and waiting for her to stop laughing.

"You really don't believe you're a vampire do you?" Toni asked.

"I am a vampire." Mason replied and you are my mate or wife if you like that term better. I've known it from the very first time that I saw you."

"Prove it." Toni demanded. "If you're really a vampire then show me."

"Toni I..."

"What? You can't show me?" she asked even though she knew that he was telling her the truth. 

Mason was backed into a corner; Toni wasn't going to take his word for it. She believed him, he was sure of that, but her mind was rejecting what she had already known on some level. 

"Toni, look at me and don't be afraid. I would and could never hurt you."

Toni's heart began to pound, he was serious, he was fucking serious she thought to herself. He really.....

Mason's dark brown eyes darkened making them look black instead of brown, he heard Toni's sharp intake of breath when his fangs descended.

Toni stared at him in shock and disbelief. As her mind caught up with the rest of her, Toni became angry as Mason suspected, she saw it as a lie by omission.

"You fucking lied to me."

"No..."

"Yes you did and I told you that I couldn't be with someone who lied. I should have been told before I fell in love with you which reminds me, aren't vampires supposed to be able to make people do things against their will?" she asked.

"Yes but Toni, I didn't do that with you as a matter of fact, I don't compel anyone unless I have no other choice." Mason replied seeing where the discussion was headed.

"How do I know that and what about Jamie and my parents? Did you do something to make them like you?" she asked.

"I did no such thing!" Mason retorted.

"And the sex in the kitchen, did you do that too?" Toni asked."

"Toni, I have never compelled a woman into having sex with me but let me clarify something, we didn't have sex...."

"We didn't what? Toni asked shocked. "Just what in the hell do you call what we did?

"Making love, we were making love. Look, I know that this is difficult for you but think about the past few weeks, how right it felt. Think about how you always knew when I lied to you and let's be honest; you knew that there was something different about me."

"What about Jamie?" Toni asked.

"What do you mean?" Mason asked caught off guard by the change in topic.

"I mean, whose going to tell him that we're not seeing each other anymore?" Toni replied.

Mason felt as though he had been hit in the stomach with a sledge hammer. He had expected her to be upset and angry but not this angry.

"Take me home now." Toni said.

"No." Mason said. "I'm not taking you anywhere until we talk about this."

"Fine, then I'll walk." Toni replied and started to stand up.

"I said that I use compulsion as little as possible, that doesn't mean that I won't use it to keep you here until we've talked."

"You wouldn't." Toni said. "It would just prove to me that you used it to get what you wanted." Toni replied confidently.

"I would and will if I have to so either you sit down of your own free will or I compel you. Choose." Mason said. His eyes were their normal shade of dark brown and fangs had descended several minutes ago.

After debating for several minutes, Toni sat down.

"Alright, I'm listening so talk."

Toni was silent as for an hour Mason gave her the basic information that she should have known before they made love.

" yes, you're right in that I should have told you before tonight but you also know that I didn't compel you, what happened in the kitchen and everything prior was all us. As far as Jamie is concerned, I love that child as if he was my own and I would never do anything to hurt you, him or your family."




Mason Ch. 15



"Why didn't you tell me?" Toni asked.

"The time just never seemed right and I couldn't decide on how to tell you. Toni, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner but I also wanted you and Jamie to get to know me as a man of his word. I can see how you would think that I lied to you and I concede that if I were you, I would have seen it as a lie by omission as well. But you know that I'm not lying to you."

Toni knew he wasn't lying but that didn't change the fact that he withheld important information from her, information that would influence the rest of her and Jamie's lives. That she wouldn't have believed him and that they would still be having the same conversation didn't matter, he should have told her; he should have trusted that she would have gotten over it like she would now-eventually.

Mason was dying to know what she was thinking and could have easily found out by taking a peek inside her mind but he didn't. He hated the fact that he was really going to compel her but he meant what he said, he would have. She was still angry, he only had to look at her to see that but she was also processing and realizing that on some level, she had already known.

He understood something else, it wasn't the vampirism that angered her, it was the fact that he hadn't told her and to her that was an indication that he didn't trust her. Nothing could have been further from the truth but he saw her point. It was almost nine so time wasn't an issue yet; they had seven hours before he had to take her home, that's if she wanted to go home.

Toni mind was on the past few weeks, she had to concede that she was gradually drawn to Mason. Had it been other wise, she would have been suspicious. She remembered the night that Mason helped her get a very drunk James home, she had offered to have a drink with him and he had blown her off. It was soon after that that she and James worked out their issues. It was as if he had.... What? Released her just as James had released her to find someone to care for in that last disc.

Toni realized that before James, she really didn't know how to love someone, he had taught her that. She didn't think for one second that James knew that he was going to die so young and that she was his mission before he died. If that was the case, she would have much preferred that they had gone their separate ways and that they would have remained colleagues and friends in the best case scenario. She felt her anger cooling and knew that Mason hadn't compelled her, Jamie or anyone else close to her. She turned to tell Mason that but he was gone.

Mason slipped away to give Toni space and time. He didn't want her to think that he had influenced her in anyway even though from where he was he could have. He realized that he had almost fucked up but it wasn't over yet, she hadn't rejected him as her mate and Jamie's father. He hoped that even if Toni rejected him that she would still allow him to see and talk to Jamie. He would still need a man in his life and her father wouldn't be around forever. 

He took another sip of wine and looked out at the water; he would sit here until he couldn't or until Toni was ready to continue their discussion.

"This friend of yours, Ethan, is he a vampire too?" Toni asked from behind him.

Mason had heard her coming but didn't say anything; the ball was in her court now. He stood and turned to face her.

"Yes he is." Mason replied.

"And his wife, Katrina, is she a vampire too?"

"No, but she is immortal. She is still human but has enhanced strength."

"But she can't die." Toni stated.

"Not very easily." Mason replied.

"What are their babies? Human or vampire?"

"Vampire although with female babies it could go either way, it they had been male they would have been vampire."

Toni was silent as she digested the information.

"I wish that you had trusted me enough to tell me what you were. You're right in that I would have reacted in pretty much the same way but this is what I think; I think that you were so afraid that I wouldn't accept it or you that you wanted me to fall head over heels in love with you so that it wouldn't matter. I love you, that hasn't changed but I really have to think about this and what it means for Jamie."

Mason considered her words, there was quite a bit of truth in them, he really had been afraid that Toni would have turned him away but that still could happen. If she rejected him, he wasn't beneath begging to get her to reconsider, he had lost her once and wasn't about to do it again. The fact that she wasn't demanding to be taken home was a good sign.

"How did Ethan meet Katrina?" Toni asked.

"I can't tell you that because I once treated Ethan and he is a friend however, when... if you meet them, Katrina can tell you if she wishes.

"Can I ask you a question?" Toni asked.

"You can ask me anything you wish." Mason replied. "But why don't we sit down in the living room?"

"Why did you contact me on face book when you made it clear that you weren't interested?" Toni asked when they were sitting across from each other in the living room.

"I was in mourning over the loss of Katrina. I hadn't been in Boston for very long before I found you and you reminded me so much of her physically. As I said, I knew who and what you were but emotionally I was in no shape to take you as a mate. I couldn't have loved you as I do now but at any rate, to answer your question; after I turned you away I realized that I had made a huge mistake. I actually went back to your apartment to look for you but you had already moved.

When I contacted you on face book, I was trying to rectify that mistake but it was already too late. When I turned you away, I released you to love and to be loved by someone else and it happened to be James. I won't lie to you and tell you that I wasn't hurt and angry when I saw that you married him but I'm glad that it was him. He loved you very much and you were happy."

Toni looked at him confused, "How do you know that?" she asked.

"I kept track of you; I always knew where you were." 

"You followed us?" Toni asked incredulous.

"Not me personally at least not all of the time but I had to make sure that you were safe and cared for." Mason replied.

"Why didn't you come forward?" Toni asked.

"It would have served no real purpose; I was content knowing that you were cared for." Mason replied.

"The night at the coffee shop..."

"That was purely coincidence." Mason replied. "I had no idea that you would there that night."

The truth, all of it was the truth Toni realized. She also knew that what happened next was completely in her hands.

"What happens if I say no, that I don't want this?" she asked.

"You will age and die and when that happens, I die as well. You have to understand that we are connected; we always have been even though we didn't know each other. We are even more connected now that we've made love and Toni; I claimed both you and Jamie."

"How? And without my permission?" Toni asked getting angry again.

"When we made love, do you remember me telling you that I loved you and that you and Jamie were mine?"

"I remember." Toni replied.

"That was when I claimed you and yes I know that I did it without your permission but the words just came out. Toni, I will love you no matter what you decide."

"Why can't you just find someone else? Toni replied anxious at the possibility that Mason could die.

"It doesn't work like that." Mason replied. "In most cases, we have only one mate, in my case, I had two-you and Katrina but it was up to her to choose between me and Ethan, when she chose Ethan; she released me much in the same way that I and James released you. You are my one and only mate, it's not like human relationships where one person can choose numerous mates."

"You would really die?" Toni asked anxiously.

"Yes but not until you did so don't let that influence your thinking."

"But if I said yes, you wouldn't die?" Toni asked.

Mason saw where she was going and stopped her.

"Toni listen to me, I am not going to die until you do. I cannot die unless I choose to or I am killed by another vampire and that just isn't going to happen.

The truth.

Toni relaxed now that her one fear had been addressed.

"So now what?" she asked.

Mason could have danced a jig, she hadn't accepted him but she hadn't rejected him either.

"We could continue as we were for awhile until you're more comfortable with things or we could say fuck it and get married." Mason replied.

"Married?" Toni asked. "We don't know each other that well to get married and what about Jamie? He's not like you and neither am I for that matter."

Mason had already known that Jamie would be an issue. He had hoped to discuss it after they worked out their own issues but since she asked, he wasn't going to put her off.

"Jamie will have...."

Toni listened as Mason explained that they would have to gradually teach Jamie the importance of keeping what he was a secret and how when he was old enough, he would be presented with a choice to remain human or be turned into a vampire.

"It has to be his decision and we need to know what his wishes will be if something should happen where he is unable to verbalize what he wants." Mason said.

"You mean like a living will?" Toni asked.

"Exactly and like a living will, it will need to be signed and stored away in a safe place. "

"What about me? Will I have to do the same thing?" she asked.

"It is my hope that you will decide to mate with me but if not then I think that it would be a good idea." Mason replied.

So much to think about Toni thought to herself. To be able to live forever and watch history being made and maybe even to have a small part in making it happens. To be with someone who would never die and neither would Jamie for that matter if he chose to be turned. But her parents and friends, she would see them die, but then she would see her parents die anyway and it would be painful no matter how she decided. And here was the bottom line, she loved Mason.

"What else do I need to know?" she asked.

"There's a lot." Mason replied. "Too much to tell you in one night but I'll give you the highlights. One thing is because we don't age, we'll have to move every so often. I know that it's time when people notice that I'm not aging. The other thing is how you become immortal and no you don't have to become a vampire although that is always and option but to become immortal, we exchange blood twice while making love. After that, you will go through a three day transition that is far from pleasant but you will never be left alone. The first two days are the worst of it as your body is changed; the third day is the recovery day. The third day is when you will sleep most of the time. When you wake up, it will be over. You will always be as you are but stronger emotionally and physically, any psychic gifts that you have will waken and you will be telepathic- all of our mates are even if there are no other gifts."

"Is this for real?" Toni asked even though she knew that it was.

It was a rhetorical question so Mason didn't answer. 

"This is nuts!" Toni exclaimed. "A vampire? I just had unprotected sex with a vampire on his kitchen counter." she said talking to herself seeming to forget that Mason was there.

"Toni." Mason said quietly. "I don't have any diseases; I am immune to every disease known to man." 

"That's good to know." Toni snipped. "I could get pregnant couldn't I? Of course I could, your friend's wife had twins didn't she?" Toni asked answering her own question.

What would she do if she had gotten pregnant? She wondered. Keep it and love it as she loved Jamie she decided but she was being premature, she more than likely hadn't gotten pregnant at least she hoped not, a baby would complicate things even more. She made herself slow down; the immediate question was what she was going to do about Mason. She needed time to think, this was the mother of life changing events but she also knew that if Jamie wasn't involved she wouldn't need to think about so much.

"I have to think about this." Toni said. "I have so many questions about... well everything."

"I understand." Mason said. "I would like to make a suggestion, write down your questions and we'll talk about them in a few days."

Toni was a little surprised, she fully expected Mason to want an answer right then and there but his willingness to give her time and space helped. Had he insisted on an answer right then and there she wasn't sure of what she would have said.

Mason breathed a sigh of relief, she had already decided and just like Katrina, she just didn't realize it yet. The next question was whether she would spend the night and if she did, he wasn't about to promise that he wouldn't touch her again.

"Stay with me tonight." Mason said.

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea." Toni replied. "I think that I need to be away from you so that I can concentrate.

Mason moved from the chair to sit on the couch next to Toni.

"I think that what we need is to spend more time together, we could just relax, watch one of your comedies and go to bed." Mason said as he rubbed Toni's neck. "Stay."

Toni debated; she really should go home and spend the rest of the evening thinking, except what was there to think about? Jamie was her only major concern. He would be thrilled if she decided to go into an official relationship with Mason; it was the other part of it that she was worried about. How would Jamie handle the vampirism? She had to remind herself that kids are resilient, and knowing Jamie he would think that it was totally cool. She was using Jamie as an excuse and she knew it.

"If I stay do you promise to behave yourself? In other words no repeats of what happened in the kitchen?" Toni asked.

"I won't promise any such thing because if I did, it would be a lie." Mason replied as he continued to massage her neck. "What happened in the kitchen was completely unplanned and phenomenal and I can't ....."

"Stop right there." Toni said. "I agree that it was phenomenal but it was irresponsible. What if I got pregnant? Then what?"

"Then we would have a baby." Mason replied.

"You sound like I just told you I only had water to drink." Toni said surprised. 

"Toni, I love you and if we have a baby then so be it."

"And we would explain that how?" Toni asked.

"There would be nothing to explain, we made love, we got pregnant end of story but Toni, you're trying to find reasons to say no to spending the night with me."

He was right. In her mind if she stayed, she was saying yes to being his wife or mate as he called it. "Do I want to stay?" Toni asked herself. She did she admitted to herself that she did but the whole pregnancy thing was a concern and she really did need some time alone.

"You don't happen to have any condoms do you?" Toni asked giving Mason her answer.

"Condoms? No, why would I have condoms?" Mason asked.

His response alarmed Toni; someone who looked like him couldn't have been celibate.

"You've been having unprotected sex with other women?" she asked. "How do you know that you don't have children?"

"I know for a fact that I don't because the only person that I would be able to impregnate would be my mate-meaning you. As far as the unprotected sex goes, you're the first woman that I've been with for a long time." Mason replied.

"So it never happens? A vampire can't impregnate any one that isn't his mate?"

Mason remembered Ethan's grandfather and couldn't give her an unequivocal no.

"It has happened at least once that I know of but it's extremely rare."

"You say that you're over 600 hundred years old, how do you know?" Toni pressed.

"I would know and if I had children they would be loved and well cared for." Mason replied.

The truth.

"Could I have some time alone?" Toni asked. "I know that I'm probably beating a dead horse but ...."

Mason interrupted her, "I understand, it's a lot to take in so why don't I go for a walk? You can call my cell when you're ready." 

"I don't mean that you have to leave." Toni said, "I just wanted a place to think"

"I don't mind and besides I enjoy walking." Mason replied. He kissed Toni and was gone before she could say anything else.

Toni walked around the house and eventually found her way out to the patio. She sat down on a chair, picked up Mason's wine glass noticed that it was mostly full and took a sip grimaced and then drank the rest of it. It had a strange taste to it but she was no wine connoisseur as a matter of fact, she rarely drank but tonight she needed one. 

"So Toni, what are you going to do?" she asked herself already knowing the answer but she had to examine her motives. Why was she saying yes? Was it because she really loved him or was it because he would die if she didn't say yes? A combination of both she thought but which was the dominant reason? She asked herself, she loved him; the other reason couldn't help but be a factor so now the question was what the next step would be. What it would not be she decided was them sleeping together when Jamie was in the house.

Toni realized that a whole new chapter of her life had just opened. There were things to work out, namely the whole conversion thing and Jamie but it could be done, families of all kinds blended together on a daily basis. The second thing that Toni realized was that she was relieved. Mason was right when he told her that she knew on some level that there was something different about him. His being as old as he was answered the questions about his old fashioned mannerisms and way of speaking. 

Mason's phone ringing brought Toni out of her thoughts, she didn't know whether she should answer it or not but opted not to, it could be the hospital namely Joyce and she didn't want to fuel the rumor mill any more than she had to, it would be fueled soon enough.

*******

Mason walked not really paying attention to where he was going, his thoughts were on Toni and what she would tell him when he got back to the house. Then he thought about Jamie, what would he call him besides "Dr. Mason?" Papa Mason? Daddy? "Slow down." he told himself even though he was almost positive that Toni was going to say yes. They would have a wedding and everything that went with it. 

He had been walking for almost an hour before the phone rang. Toni.

"Hi, you can come back now." 

Mason fought the urge to vanish from where he was to the house, he wanted to give Toni a few more minutes to herself, somehow he didn't think that they were going to end up in bed or if they did there wouldn't be any lovemaking. Toni would be full of questions and they had to work out the logistics of their relationship since he was certain that Toni and Jamie wouldn't move in with him until they were married. That meant that they would have to think about the engagement thing or just having a private service, either way it didn't matter to him just so they were married.

He found Toni in the kitchen making tea and liked the fact that she felt comfortable enough to search his cabinets for what she needed.

"Did you find what you needed?" he asked.

"Yep except that I can't reach that big mug that's all the way up on the third shelf." Toni said.

Mason got the mug down for her and watched as she made tea for the both of them, she definitely belonged here and so did Jamie. He was beside himself with anxiety, although he knew that she had chosen him but he wanted and needed to hear her say it, it wouldn't be real until she did.

Toni took her time making the tea; it wasn't until they were sitting in the living room that she began to speak.

"Alright, how we feel about each other isn't up for discussion but what we do about telling Jamie and my folks is. We can't sleep together when Jamie is in the house and we use protection."




Mason Ch. 15



"Toni, are you accepting me as your mate?" Mason asked.

It seemed like a long time before Toni responded, "I guess I am."

That wasn't good enough; he needed to hear a resounding yes.

"Toni, it's either yes or no. I guess sounds as though you're ambivalent and I need and want for you to be sure because once this is done, it's irrevocable. There is no such thing as divorce or separation; we will be together for eternity."

"I guess I did sound kind of ambivalent." Toni agreed, "But yes, the answer is yes."

Mason sat his cup of tea down, took Toni's from her hands and knelt on his knees in front of her taking her hands in hers.

"Toni Jacobson, will you marry me and allow me to be a father to Jamie?" Mason asked.

"Marry? As in wedding dress marry?" Toni asked shocked although she didn't know why.

"We can do it however you want, wedding, Justice of the peace, a private ceremony; I don't care just so you marry me."

"Why have a wedding if we're already married?" Toni asked.

"We're not married in either world yet." Mason replied. "We haven't mated yet and a human wedding will make things legal so that I can adopt Jamie and put your name on my assets ..."

"Why do that if you're not going to die?" Toni asked.

"It's a precaution and nothing more." Mason said assuring her.

Toni realized that Mason was still on his knees and told him to get up.

"Not until you answer my question, will you marry me?"

Toni didn't reply for several minutes, what was she waiting for? A final sign from James? Toni closed her eyes and then opened them. "Yes."

Mason jumped onto the couch next to her, pulled her into his lap and kissed her. He felt his cock harden as her soft bottom pressed against it. Mason slid his hands under her tee shirt and fondled her breast, rolling and pinching the nipple until it was hard.

Toni moaned softly and wiggled in Mason's lap, she was going to say something about protection but his hand moving from her breast to between her legs stopped her. Toni bit her lip to contain her moan.

"Don't be quiet, there's no one here but us." Mason said as he slid a finger between her vaginal lips and then inside of her and stilled. He started to slide his fingers in and out, his thumb massaging her clit, "I want you to scream for me." Mason murmured his lips pressed lightly against hers.

Toni felt as if her entire body was on fire all thoughts about a possible pregnancy were gone. All she could think about was the immediate want and need. Mason pressed his thumb against Toni's swollen and throbbing clit and then moved it back and forth. The orgasm came so suddenly that Toni was caught off guard; she buried her face in Mason's neck and screamed.

Mason cradled a shaking Toni against him until she calmed and was relaxed against him. He was going to say something to her when he realized that she had fallen asleep. He stood still holding her in his arms, carried her to the bedroom and put her to bed. He stripped off his clothes and climbed in behind her pulling her tight against him. Toni mumbled something in her sleep and snuggled back into him before falling silent. Soon Mason thought, as he kissed her shoulder.

Toni woke up to the smell of brewing coffee, for just a second she forgot where she was and then she remembered that she needed to go get Jamie. She jumped out of bed and looked around the room wondering where her clothes had gotten to. They would be covered with flour but she could wear them until she got home to change, but first she needed to call her parents, they had to be worried.

Mason came up with a breakfast tray just as Toni was coming out of the bathroom.

"I've got to get home and change clothes." Toni said. "I have to go get Jamie."

"Jamie is fine, I've already spoken to him and your parent's this morning." Mason said setting the tray on the dresser.

"Y... you did?" Toni asked suddenly nervous. "What did you say exactly?"

"Relax, I only told your parents that you were with me and I didn't say anything about us getting married although I think that they already know. They're fine with Jamie spending the day with them, apparently there's a football game or something that Jamie wants to watch with your dad and Jamie is looking forward to seeing us this evening." Mason said as he walked toward her. "That gives us all day to ..."

"Talk." Toni said backing up.

"That too." Mason said as he advanced on her taking off his tee shirt.

"Wait! About the pregnancy issue." Toni said backing up.

"There is no issue as far as I'm concerned." Mason replied still advancing on her, his jeans unbuttoned and the zipper down. "If it happens, it happens, I would love to have a baby with you."

"Maybe I don't want a baby." Toni said stopping Mason in his tracks.

"Are you saying that you don't want more children?" he asked.

"No but what I am saying is that it's something that we need to talk about." Toni replied.

Mason swore under his breath, he could understand why it took James three years to get the woman to marry him.

"Alright." He said, "Let's talk. I love you and would love to have children with you. Having said that, it's not going to happen before it's supposed to. In other words, it could be twenty years or you could be pregnant now which you are not." he assured her when he saw her eyes widen.

"The question is do you want children with me? I know that things are moving fast but what's the real issue here?" Mason asked.

"The real issue as you call it is..... I don't know, nerves maybe?" Toni admitted.

This time when Mason walked toward her, she didn't back away.

"Tell me what it is that you need." Mason said hugging her.

"Nothing really, I just needed something to panic about and I never thought that I would get married again." Toni replied. "And this is rather fast." 

"We can wait on telling your parents and Jamie if that will help." Mason said.

Toni gave it some thought; the very reason that she and James didn't have those three years together was because of what she was doing now, even as she accepted what was happening she was still fighting it. She loved Mason and if she got pregnant, what would be the problem? None. What good would waiting to tell her parents and Jamie do? And like Mason, she was sure that her parents already knew especially since he called them to make arrangements for Jamie.

"No, we'll tell them tonight." Toni replied as she reached for the waist of Mason's jeans and pulled him close. "I'm alright now. Really."

Mason pulled the tee shirt over Toni's head leaving her naked. He ran his thumbs over the tips of her nipples smiling down at her when she closed her eyes and moaned.

"Do we still need to talk?" Mason teased.

"We do but it can wait." Toni replied as she rubbed against him enjoying the feel of her breast rubbing against Mason's bare skin.

Wasting no time, Mason picked Toni up and carried her to the bed. Toni scooted back on the bed so that she could watch Mason undress, her eyes widened when his clothes just disappeared.

"How did you do that?" she asked.

"I can do many things but we'll have plenty of time for me to show and teach you things that you'll be able to do even though you won't be vampire, I thought we were done talking." Mason said as he climbed into the bed from the foot of it and crawled toward Toni.

As Toni watched Mason crawl toward her three words came to mind, mine, sexy and graceful. Mason didn't stop moving until he was stretched out on top of her, his hips between her legs and his cock pressed between them. He took a moment to savor the fact that Toni was finally where she had been meant to be, it had been a long time in coming but so worth the wait.

"Mason wh..."

Mason didn't give her Toni a chance to finish whatever it was she was going to say. He slid into her in one slow, smooth stroke and stopped. The lovemaking in the kitchen had been hurried and frantic, this morning he had wanted to take his time but he couldn't wait to be deep inside of her again.

Toni moved against him trying to hurry him along but Mason refused to be rushed. He thrusts in and out a few times and then stopped, sometimes the thrust were hard and fast sometime painfully slow. Toni writhed beneath him crying out for him to stop torturing her.

"Not yet, I...."

Toni tightened her vaginal muscles stopping Mason mid sentence. His concentration gone, Mason began pump into her wildly murmuring Toni's name, his orgasm starting just after hers. 

Mason rolled off of Toni still pulling her into his arms as he moved. 

"You are incredible do you know that?" he asked.

"You're not so bad yourself." Toni said still trying to catch her breath and resting her head on his shoulder.

They were quiet for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts. 

Toni was thinking about how she thought that she would never be able to love someone as deeply as she did James and Mason was thinking that maybe things happened the way that they were supposed to. Toni hadn't been anymore ready for him than he had been for her. He regretted that she had to go through the pain of losing James and he owed James a debt that he could never repay but it got them to this point.

Mason remade breakfast and decided to make it his mission to teach Toni how to cook.

"You have got to be kidding." Toni said, "You really think that you can succeed where both James and my mother have failed?"

"I think that I can teach you how to do more than pop something into the microwave." Mason replied.

"Uh huh, and you'll freak as soon as I spill on your counter, no thanks." Toni said laughing.

"Just for the record, I didn't freak as you put it, I got a little.... Anxious."

"Like I said, you freaked." Toni said.

"I just have to learn to adapt that's all." Mason replied.

The first cooking lesson took place at lunch. Mason decided to start with omelets because they were simple and easy to make. Toni watched as he lined the ingredients up on the counter, "not OCD my ass" she thought as Mason continued get things ready for the omelet.

"Alright sweetheart, it's ready come over here." Mason said.

Toni hesitated and then asked, "Are you sure about this?"

"I'm sure now come on and stand in front of the counter."

Toni stood in front of the neatly lined up bowls of onions, cheese, ham and peppers. The eggs were already cracked and in a bowl waiting to be beaten. Mason stood behind her and reached for the bowl of eggs as he pressed against her.

"The secret to a good omelet is..."

"To go to 'Denny's'" Toni interjected. "That's what I do."

Mason groaned, "But 'Denny's' doesn't serve a beautiful woman breakfast in bed do they? Nor do they allow a man to stand this close to a beautiful woman while a meal is being prepared."

"No but at least at 'Denny's' there's no stress for said man regarding the mess." Toni.

"As I said, I will adjust." Mason said as he put the whisk in Toni's hand and then placed his hand over hers. "Now let's whip the eggs until they are fluffy, it's important not to over whip them."

"Yes Julia Childs." Toni said giggling.

In the end, Mason gave up, the egg splattered all over the counter had proven too much.

"Tell you what, I'll do the cooking and you... go read or something. We'll try another approach as soon as I can think of one." Mason said kissing Toni and patting her on the ass.

Toni laughed, "Told you."

Mason put the omelet on one plate and got out two forks, this was something that he had always dreamed of doing with his mate and it was happening. Toni ate less than half of the omelet leaving the rest of it for Mason. While he finished eating Toni wiped the counter off, the dishes were already done with the exception of the plate that they used and the silverware.

"We need to decide on how we tell Jamie." Toni said as she dried her hands.

"We just simply tell him." Mason replied. "Jamie is a bright boy, he probably already knows. Do you think that your parents would mind keeping Jamie a couple of times a week?"

"I don't think so, and how do we explain that to him?" Toni asked.

"We don't unless he specifically asks if you're staying at my house and then we don't lie, we just say yes and leave it at that. You're nervous." he said. "Why?"

Toni had to think about it before answering.

"I'm not sure really. James and I just got married, we didn't tell anyone until after we did it and let's just say that neither set of parents were very happy with us."

"We could do that you know, we could go to Mexico or Hawaii and just get married." Mason said.

"Oh no, mom forgave me once but I don't think she will a second time so eloping is out of the question, there has to be a wedding of some kind; the fewer people the better."

Toni looked at the clock, "we'd better get moving, and where are my clothes?"

"In the laundry room, I laundered them while you were sleeping." Mason replied. Toni went to the laundry room and found her clothes folded perfectly. "Not OCD my ass." she muttered as she picked up the clothes and went back into the kitchen.

She stopped dead in her tracks when Mason met her in the kitchen completely naked and erect.

"We have time before we have to go to get Jamie and it's going to be a few days before we can make love again." Mason said. "And we have some lost time to make up for." he added.

Toni had forgotten that they both had to be at work the following evening, she didn't know what Mason was thinking but she wasn't about to announce that they were getting married. The only people that she wanted to tell were her parents and Jamie. She wondered if she needed to tell Robert and Gina and decided that she probably should but it could wait, she didn't want to hear Gina's hysterics about how she never loved James.

While Toni was thinking, Mason moved so that he was standing directly in front of her. He took the folded clothes from her hands and sat them on the nearest chair. Toni offered no resistance as Mason took her hand and led her to the living room. He sat down first, had Toni turn so that she faced him and pulled her forward placing her legs on either side of his hips. He took a heavy breast in each hand and massaged them before putting them together so that the nipples touched and took both nipples into his mouth at once and sucked hard. Toni felt a spurt of fluid between her legs as Mason simultaneously nipped and sucked both nipples.

Toni moaned and then sighed as she raised herself to her knees, reached down between them and took Mason's cock in her hand and ran her hand up and down the shaft several times making Mason moan against her breasts. He had released her nipples and was leaning back against the sofa his eyes open and looking into Toni's face thinking of how beautiful she was.

Toni slid backwards, bent down and kissed Mason's chest before licking and then sucking one of his nipples while she pinched and pulled on the other while she stroked his cock. Mason struggled not to move as Toni stroked his cock repeatedly hitting the sensitive spot just under the head.

"That feels good." he murmured as he ran his hands up and down Toni's back.

Toni moved from Mason's lap to the floor positioning herself between his legs and took the head of his cock into her mouth and sucked it gently and then with more force as she followed Mason's non verbal cues. Mason cupped Toni's face in his hands caressing it with his thumbs. It wouldn't be long before he came and he wanted to come buried deep inside of her.

"Sweetheart, stop." Mason said, his voice ragged. "I want to come inside of you."

Toni gave him a few more sucks and climbed back into his lap straddling his hips slowly sliding onto his cock.

"Oh my god." Toni moaned as Mason raised his hips to meet her downward slide her orgasm already beginning. Mason pumped hard, he felt his balls tighten and tingle, he was going to come soon but he wanted Toni to come first. Mason held Toni close to him as he pounded into her, he could feel her warm breath on his neck as she clung to him. Toni's orgasm started with a low moan and ended with a scream with her mouth pressed against Mason's neck, Mason's own orgasm began just as Toni's began to wane.

Mason held Toni close to him long after the orgasms were over relishing the emotional and physical closeness between them. Mason reluctantly let Toni go so that they could go to her parent's house to give them the news and to take Jamie home.

They showered together, quickly dressed and were out of the door thirty minutes later. 

********

"Mom!" Jamie exclaimed when Toni and Mason walked in.

"Hi baby." Toni greeted hugging Jamie. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." Jamie said and then greeted Mason. "Hi Dr. Mason!"

"Hi kiddo, how are you?" Mason asked. 

"Fine are we going somewhere tonight?"

"In a little while." Mason replied. "We have some things to talk about with your grandparents."

"Is this more big people talk?" Jamie asked feeling a little put out.

Mason laughed, "No Jamie, this time you can stay."

Barbara and Ben looked at each other with their fingers crossed.

"Well come on in and have a seat." Ben said. "Do you want anything to eat or drink?"

"No, I'm good." Toni replied with Mason agreeing with her.

Now that they were here, Toni wasn't sure of how to proceed and was grateful when Mason took the lead.

"Ben, Barbara, I'm sure that you are well aware of how I feel about Toni; you probably knew even before she did or before she admitted it anyway. I love your daughter and I am asking for permission to marry her, Toni has already consented and all we want is your blessing."

"Thank god!" Barbara exclaimed. Ben seconded with a resounding "Amen!"

"I am taking that as a yes?" Mason asked.

"It's not just a yes." Ben said, "It's a hell yes!"

Mason turned his attention to Jamie who understood most of what was happening, his mother and Dr. Mason were going to get married Dr. Mason would be his dad.

"Jamie, is it alright if I marry your mom?" Mason asked.

"That means that you'll be my dad doesn't it?" Jamie asked.

"It means exactly that." Mason confirmed. "And we'll live in the same house and see each other every day so what do you think?"

"I think that I would like that." Jamie replied.

Toni listened to the excited chatter around her and swallowed a lump in her throat, the abundance of happiness was almost too much for her but she'd get used to it.

Barbara was already planning what needed to be done for the wedding although no date had been set. Toni had to put on the brakes.

"Slow down! We haven't set a date yet and you'll be the first to know when we do."

Mason noticed that Jamie had gotten quiet; he excused himself, held out a hand to Jamie and took him outside.

"What's bothering you?" Mason asked after they were sitting on the two lawn chairs on the patio.

"Nothing." Jamie said quietly.

"Jamie, never be afraid to tell me anything and it doesn't matter what it is. I promise that I won't get angry." 

Jamie hesitated and then spoke.

"What do I call you?"

"What would you like to call me?" Mason asked.

"Could I call you dad?" Jamie asked shyly.

Mason blinked back tears, he had a son.

"I would like that and you don't have to wait until your mom and I are married." Mason said anticipating Jamie's next question.

Jamie flew out of the chair, hugged Mason and kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you dad." Jamie said hugging Mason tight.

"I love you too." Mason replied as he hugged Jamie back.

By the time they got back inside, Barbara had a notepad out and was making notes.

"You alright baby?" Toni asked Jamie.

"Dr. Mason said that I could call him dad." Jamie replied happily.

"He did?" Toni asked looking up at Mason. "That's what he'll be isn't it?'

Mason gave her an almost imperceptible nod.




Mason Ch. 15



Ben stopped Mason by the door as they were getting ready to leave.

"Barbara had a good feeling about you the very first time she laid eyes on you and so did I. You've been so good for Toni and Jamie and I just wanted to say thank you and welcome to our family, we're happy to have you."

"Thank you but it is I who should be thanking you and Barbara for giving me your blessings. I promise you that Toni and Jamie will always be safe and loved." Mason replied.

"I have no doubt about that." Ben replied shaking Mason's hand.

*******

Jamie chatted the entire way back to Toni's condo. Toni actually had to tell him to take a break because he used dad in almost every other word. Mason answered each of Jamie's questions patiently not at all minding the frequent use of the word "dad". He knew that Jamie was trying to get used to saying it and that he had to get used to hearing it.

"Are you going home?" Jamie asked when they got to the condo.

"Not just yet, I believe that you and I have some reading to catch up on." Mason replied.

He decided that he would spend the next several nights at the condo next to Toni's and that he would give her and Jamie a key, it was time to start teaching him about responsibility.

"Jamie before we go inside, I want to show you one of the places where I live." Mason said.

He unlocked the condo and led them inside.

"I'll be sleeping here from now on until your mom and I get married." he said. "I'm going to have keys made to give to you and your mom for emergency use. Do you understand what that means?" Mason asked.

"It means that I can't come in whenever I want?" Jamie asked.

"That's exactly right." Mason said. "It's alright to use the key if you locked out of your place or if there's an emergency and you need a safe place to go. Does that make sense?"

"I got it." Jamie replied proud that he was going to be trusted with something so important.

"Good." Mason replied as he ruffled Jamie's hair. "Why don't we go in and get started on our reading?"

Toni didn't miss the feeling of rightness about the situation; she could honestly say that she was really happy for the first time in a long while. She watched Mason and Jamie together and the feeling was reconfirmed. 

Later when Jamie was in bed, Mason kissed Toni and told her that he would be back.

"I have an errand that I need to run, I won't be long."

******

Mason drove the cemetery where James was buried and found his headstone. He stood in silence for several minutes paying his respects to a man that he had only met once but owed so much to.

"Although we never officially met, I owe you a debt that I can never repay. You loved Toni and kept her safe and happy, for that you will always have my respect and gratitude. You had the foresight to release her to love and to be loved and for that I also thank you. I am here to make a pledge to you, I pledge to always love and protect those who you have entrusted to me. Toni and Jamie will want for nothing and Jamie will know who you are, I will make sure of it. Rest well James." Mason said and then he walked away.

After leaving the cemetery, Mason went to his house and to his bedroom. He moved the large dresser with no effort at all and opened the safe that was hidden behind it. In the back was a large wooden jewelry box that was covered with intricate abstract designs. He murmured a few words and the box sprung open revealing the contents inside. Mason carried the box to the bed, sat down and emptied the contents out; he was looking for something specific. He found it after a minute or two and held it up to the light. The amethyst gem stone surrounded by small perfect diamonds sparkled in the light. There were other rings that he would have liked to have given her but she would have thought them too showy or pretentious, this however was perfect. The stones were large enough to notice but not so large that Toni would find the ring too much. 

Mason first saw the ring over two hundred years ago and almost bypassed it but it seemed to be calling to him so he bought it, stuck it in the box and hadn't given it any more thought until today. Apparently even then the fates knew what was going to happen he realized as he put the ring into his pocket. He secured the box, put it back into the safe and pushed the dresser back into place.

By the time he got back to Toni's an hour and a half had passed, he spent more time at the gravesite than he had intended. Toni was in the kitchen making tea when he walked into the kitchen, she didn't hear him come in so he took the opportunity to watch her without her being aware of it. She was humming to herself as she put several teaspoons of sugar into a mug. "Soon." Mason thought to himself as he knocked on the wall to let Toni know that he was back.

"Want a cup of tea?" Toni asked in greeting.

"No thank you" Mason replied as he sat at the counter and waited for her to finish making er tea. They still had to talk about work but that could wait, he wanted to get the ring on her finger first.

Mason followed Toni to the living room and waited until she sat the cup of tea down before taking the ring out of his pocket.

"Toni, I know that you've already agreed to marry me but I wasn't fully prepared when I first proposed to you and now I am." 

Mason got up from the couch and knelt in front of Toni as he had earlier, took her left hand in his and proposed as he slid the ring onto her finger.

"Toni, will you marry me?"

"Yes." Toni said without hesitation.

Mason kissed her hands and then moved so that he was sitting beside her on the couch and kissed her, he wanted to do more than kiss her but that would have to wait.

Toni looked at the ring on her finger, "It's beautiful, how long have you had it?" she asked.

"A long time, when I bought it I didn't know why or who it was for, now I know." Mason replied as he held the hand that he had just slipped the ring onto.

By morning they had decided what to do about work. Toni wanted to keep practicing but agreed to go to part-time as would Mason. They agreed that if there was a child that Toni would be the one to decide whether she wanted to work or stay home.

It was five am when Mason reluctantly left.

'I wish that you didn't have to go but Jamie...."

"I know." Mason said. "When are we going to get married?" he asked.

"Four weeks?" Toni asked.

"I can't convince you to make it a week can I?" Mason asked.

"No and a month isn't that far away." Toni replied.

******

The next evening Mason waited for Toni to come out of her condo, his plan was to drive her to work.

"What happens if I have to stay late?" she asked. "I think that I'd better drive myself." she added.

Mason had a sense of foreboding that he couldn't shake.

"Sweetheart, let me drive, if you run late one of your parents can come for you."

"I'm fully capable of driving myself to work and back" Toni said kissing him on the chin. "Come on we're going to be late."

Mason stopped Toni, "Let me drive." he said. "I know a shortcut." he added.

As soon as Toni agreed, the feeling of foreboding was gone.

Ten minutes later they were at the hospital.

"That was a lot shorter." Toni agreed as Mason parked the car.

Toni hadn't even made it to the sleeping room that she would be using when the announcement calling for all available physicians to go to the ER. The ER was in chaos as ambulances pulled up and brought injured people in.

"What happened?" Toni asked as she went to a gurney.

"Oil truck exploded on the highway." The paramedic said as he helped transfer the victim to the cot.

A chill ran through her, Mason had known. Maybe not the specifics but he knew that something was going to happen and that's why he didn't want her to drive.

Four hours later, things had calmed somewhat. Several of the accident victims had to be transferred out to burn centers, three were in ICU of those three, one wouldn't make it through the night. The remaining five were going to the med surg/ tele units. 

Toni went to the sleeping room, kicked off her shoes and put on the bunny slippers. She kept thinking that one of those people could have been her if she had driven

Toni jumped when her cell phone rang. Mason.

"Are you alright?" he asked before she could say anything.

"You knew didn't you?" Toni asked.

"I didn't know the specifics but I knew that I couldn't let you drive to work tonight but are you alright?"

'I'm fine." Toni replied. "I could have been one of those people, had you not insisted on driving..."

"Stay put, I'm coming to you." Mason said and hung up.

Seconds later he was in her room hugging her. "Better?" he asked.

"Better and you'd better get out of here before someone sees you." Toni replied.

"I don't care if I'm seen." Mason replied as he kissed her. "But I do have to get back, see you in an hour?" he asked.

"Barring any emergencies yes." Toni replied walking him to the door.

After Mason left Toni decided to do rounds before lunch and then she could dictate. On her way to the med surg unit she ran into Dr. Ellis and the resident working with him that night.

"Hello Toni." He said.

"Hi Mike, how are things?" Toni asked and then nodded at the resident.

"Excuse my manners." Mike said. "Eli this is Dr. Toni Jacobson one of our best doctors and Toni this is Eli Marks, he'll be working with me but I believe that he plans to specialize in trauma."

Toni shook hands with the resident and welcomed him.

"Mike's a good teacher, you'll learn a lot from him."

The resident started to say something when he was interrupted by Mike.

"Why don't you go ahead and pull the charts of our patients? I'll be there shortly.

As soon as the resident was out of earshot Mike spoke.

"Still seeing Donahue?"

"As a matter of fact I am." Toni replied. "What is it with you? How many different ways are there to tell someone that you're not interested? I've told you in so many words, I know that Mason has spoken to you about it but here we are having the same conversation. So let me end this once and for all, I am not interested in you for anything other than a professional relationship. I am engaged to Mason therefore I am off the market and feel free to announce that on the rumor mill."

Toni walked off leaving Mike Ellis staring at her and wondering what would have happened if he had gotten to her before Mason.

******

The floor was quiet with the exception of the occasional IV pump alarming or call light going off. Toni pulled the charts that she needed and went back to the physicians section of the station. She rounded on one patient at a time and then either wrote, discontinued or added orders. She was writing orders on the last patient when Kim tapped on the door.

"Dr. Jacobson? Do you have a minute?"

"Sure, what's up?" Toni asked as she finished writing the orders for the last patient.

Kim sat down and gave Toni a nervous look.

"I wanted to tell you that I've been talking with Tom, Dr. Myers and he's doing well. He'll be at the clinic for a few more weeks and then he'll be back."

'That's good news." Toni said sensing that there was more to it.

"We've decided to start seeing each other when he gets out...."

"Kim...

"Let me finish." Kim said.

"I know that you think that all I'm looking for is a rich doctor to take care of me and at one time that would have been true but not anymore. I know that Tom is vulnerable right now but I really like him. I liked him even before that whole thing happened, that's why it was so hard to say anything but I couldn't let him just throw his life away. That's why I came to you knowing how you felt about me."

Toni was quiet for several minutes; she heard no lie coming from Kim and felt her sincerity.

"How I feel or don't feel about you has nothing to do with this." Toni said. "Tom is a friend and I don't want him hurt or taken advantage of by you or anyone else. The warning that I'm going to give you would be given to anyone who I felt had the potential to hurt someone that I cared about. You hurt him or take advantage of him in any way, I will hunt you down and kick your ass are we clear on that?" Toni asked.

Kim nodded her head emphatically, "I understand." Then she saw the ring. "Are you getting married?"

"Yes." Toni replied.

"To Dr, Donahue?"

"Yes." Toni replied.

"Congratulations! " Kim said excitedly. "I love weddings!" she added throwing a hint.

"Thanks, look I gotta run. See ya." Toni said handing the chart to Kim.

By morning, the news of their engagement was all over the hospital.

*******

Mason was in his office dictating when Joyce stuck her head in. Mason hit the pause button and looked at her.

"So I hear congratulations are in order." Joyce said sitting down.

"Yes, thank you." Mason said.

"Am I going to get an invite?"

"We haven't made any concrete plans but chances are it will be a very small ceremony." Mason replied.

"So when's your last day?" Joyce asked changing the subject.

"Toni and I are both staying on a part time basis, when are you leaving?" 

"I gave notice for sixty days." Joyce replied. "Were you serious about your offer?"

"I was and I am." Mason replied.

They talked for a few more minutes before Joyce left the office. Mason wondered if her replacement would be as good and as aggravating at she had been.

********

The next weeks were filled with making wedding plans. Tried as they might to keep the guest list down, it still ended up with one hundred names on it. Toni was seriously rethinking the suggestion that they just elope but seeing the happiness on the faces of her parents made her keep her mouth shut.

Mason had wanted to have the wedding at his house but there just wasn't enough room.

"I have an idea." he said one evening. "Ethan has a cook who runs his own business on the side; we could have the ceremony and the reception there as well. The thing is if we're going to use him, we have to call him soon, reservations are made weeks in advance."

Toni shrugged, "call him. If we can't do it there we can use one of the hotels that has banquet facilities."

Toni listened as Mason called and spoke with Ethan about Caesar.

"He's available? That's great! We'll call him tomorrow with a menu. You'll meet her soon; you are coming to the wedding aren't you? I would like for you and Katrina to meet her. Thanks Ethan and give Katrina and the girls my love."

"It's a go." Mason said as he hung up the phone.

"I heard." Toni said softly.

"Toni?" Mason asked.

'Nothing, I just had a moment of insecurity but I'm alright now." she replied.

"If there's something bothering you let's get it out now." Mason said.

"Really, I'm good. It was for just a second I wondered if you were still in love with her." Toni admitted.

"You once told me that there was a part of you that would always belong to James and I told you that the same would be for Katrina. I also told you that it in no way meant that I couldn't love someone totally and I meant that, Toni I love you. It's not Katrina that I think of when I close my eyes to rest and it's not Katrina that I want to make love with every day. It will always be you and no one else, do you understand that?" Mason asked.

"I understand." Toni replied. "I think that it's just nerves." She added playing with his fingers.

*******

Three weeks later Toni stood in front of the mirror looking at her reflection. Today was gong to be the fourth happiest day of her life, the first one was when she married James, the second was when she passed boards, the third was when she and James witnessed Jamie's birth and finally today when she married Mason. 

She found it hard to believe that she was happy; she thought that the pain of losing James would never subside but it had, it had taken three long years but the pain had finally subsided. The only thing that marred the day was the phone call from Gina telling her that she shouldn't be marrying again so soon. Toni heard Robert walk in to the room, say something to Gina and then he was on the phone apologizing profusely.

Toni was also nervous, she was never one for big crowds and she was going to be meeting Katrina-the other woman for the first time. She wondered how she would compare to her and what Katrina would think about her. She didn't know why Katrina's opinion of her mattered so much except that it was because Mason had loved her. A tap on her door pulled her from her thoughts.

"Come in!" she called.

Barbara came in carrying the dress that Toni would get married in, it wasn't a wedding gown per se, Toni drew the line there. She and her mother argued about what she should wear for days until Ben stepped in.

"Barbara, it's her wedding and she doesn't want a gown."

That was all it took for Barbara to give up. It took them two days to find the dress that Toni would be wearing.

"It's a beautiful dress." Barbara said as she hung it up.

The dress was cream colored with a flowery design that was slightly darker in color than the dress itself. The neckline was squared; the sleeves fell to her elbows. The waist of the dress fit snugly around her waist before it flared out over her hips with the hemline ending two inches above her knees. 

"Did you bring the extra panty hose?" Toni asked.

"Three pair just like you wanted." Barbara replied.

"I'd better start getting dressed, god forbid that I should be late to my own wedding." 

******

Mason had a hard time resting; he hadn't seen Toni in over twenty-four hours by the decree of Barbara.

"It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding so say your goodbyes and have a good time with Ben and Jamie."

The three of them had gone to the movies and played at a video arcade until Jamie was too tired to stay up any later. After putting Jamie to bed, Ben and Mason talked.

"I guess you already know how stubborn she can be." Ben said. "That comes from her mother's side of the family."

"I noticed." Mason said chuckling.

"And I guess you found out that while Toni is a good doctor, she can't cook to save her life."

"I noticed that too." Mason said and told Ben about Toni flouring the bacon.

"Yep, that's our Toni." Ben said laughing.

The rest of the evening passed quietly with Ben leaving around one am. From that point on, the night slowed down. He talked to Toni several times throughout the night but it wasn't the same as seeing her. He had even entertained thoughts of appearing in her room just long enough to kiss her good night but he didn't, he didn't want Jamie to wake up and no one be there.

Now he was pacing back and forth counting down the minutes when he would marry Toni. Caesar had the restaurant looking nice but not over the top, he was however surprised by the menu.

"Mickey Mouse pancakes?" Caesar asked incredulous. "Wouldn't she rather have prime rib or.... Or.... Mickey Mouse Pancakes? He asked again.

Toni and Mason had agreed to let Jamie help with the menu knowing that's what he would choose. The tables were already set with real china and silverware and crystal goblets for the fresh orange juice.

It was almost time.

Mason turned when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Ethan! You made it, where are Katrina and the girls?"

"In the bathroom." Ethan said. "I wanted to be the first to congratulate you , nervous?" he asked.

"A little." Mason admitted.

'You'll be fine, oh there's Katrina and the girls." Ethan said.

Katrina made her way over to Mason followed by the girls who had grown so much and were as beautiful as Katrina was, they would have Ethan's height hew noted. Katrina hugged and then kissed Mason on the cheek, "Congratulations! We're so happy for you!" she said smiling up at him.

"Thank you and I'm glad that you could come." Mason replied looking down at her. He greeted the girls with hugs and kisses and then looked at Katrina again. She was still as beautiful as he remembered but the feelings that he once had for her were gone, she was his friend and the wife of his friend Ethan, all was as it should be.