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As It Seems Ch. 01

By: rowan3



Thanks Farechilde for all the work you put into me and my story, it really made a difference.

*

It was getting harder and harder for Conner to determine what was part of the game and what was reality. He leaned against the rail of the apartment steps as a musky smoke seemed to dance around him like a stripper giving a lap dance, slowly altering his mind and affecting his concentration. He tried to focus on the meaningless conversation his friends were having…the kind of conversation usually brought on by smoking mota. He closed his eyes, sighing deeply. How much longer could he listen to this scrotebag brag: if it wasn't about all the girls he fucked it was about the other scrotebags he'd "wasted". Conner didn't think that the words fucked and wasted meant the same to D.J as they did to the rest of them. The only reason he hung with this crew was for the extra scratch. He needed it. 

"Man, shut the fuck up." Conner spat slowly, "You know that shit didn't happen." 

Conner laughed at the expression on D.J's face. Beside him Mackey puffed, studying the angry glow of the joint. 

"Shut the fuck up white boy." D.J sulked 

"You want to come over here and make me?" Conner's voice was low and dangerous; he opened his eyes to slits just in case D.J grew enough balls to attack. 

"Man, fuck you mother fuckers. Y'all think I'm scared?" 

"Mother fucker, sit your sorry ass down before this white boy tears you up," Mackey said passing to Conner, who shook his head. 

"Nah man, I see my P.O. tomorrow. I can't risk having that shit in my system" Mackey nodded and passed to D.J. "Here, put this in your mouth and shut the fuck up." As always D.J did as he was told, mumbling under his breath. 

"So what's been up with you C?" 

"Nothing, just looking for some extra income. Gas is a bitch" 

"Melendez is looking for you, said the work you did was good 'fore you went in the joint." 

"Cool. Figured he'd get mad that I was caught and shit." Conner shrugged, pushing his hands into his pockets. He shuffled his feet and glared out into the horizon, his jaw clenched. 

"Nah man, it's cool, wasn't yo' fault. We got some faulty information, but that shit ain't happening no'mo." 

"Cool man, Jerome hired me back at his shop so I can get some legit paper." 

"Yeah man Jerome's cool. He always ready to help a brotha'. He don't do all that preachin' either. He says his piece and let a man g'on 'bout his. He try an' get you to church yet?" 

"Everyday, says I need a nice Christian girl to set me straight." 

"Man, them Christian girls freakin' ho's. I'm serious for real man, I had this one-" 

"Hey man, didn't I just tell you to sit your monkey ass down? You know you ain't hit nothing but yo' fist." Mackey yelled, making Conner burst out laughing. 

"What about your parole?" 

He shrugged again gaining some of his composure, "If I get caught it's me, and if I get sent back I don't have to pay for this fucking gas" 

"How much gas do you need, mother fucker? You ride a motorbike." D.J dropped his two cents yet again, his face still flaming from Mackey's dis. 

"Don't matter what I drive I still gotta pay for that shit," 

"I hear ya man, that shit is ridiculous, I'll see what I can do to get you some extra spending money," Mackey laughed. He was one of those dudes who always laughed. He had the darkest brown skin, smooth as melted chocolate, and a goatee trimmed tight as an afro. His teeth were stark white against the darkness of his complexion. 

"Don't give this asshole nothing" D.J stepped up in front of Conner's face, the sweet muskiness of the smoke turned sour. Conner smirked, his body subtly preparing for a fight. 

D.J. on the other hand was a short squeaky motherfucker with pockmarks on his yellow-brown skin, the kind of color piss turns after too many beers. The only reason he was a part of this was because he was a Melendez by birth. They didn't trust him to do big jobs. He had a tendency to smoke too much and talk too much. So Mackey played babysitter, and supervisor. 

"If you were looking for fight you should have said so," he said easily. D.J wasn't the type to fight against a solid object, and by the way Conner was standing tall he might as well have been a wall. He would back down, but Conner knew it was possible D.J would shoot him in the back once he turned around. 

Mackey decided to stay out the staring match and let the white boy kick D.J's ass. Maybe a wooping would make D.J settle down. 

"What I'm looking at is you getting your white ass out my face." He pushed Conner, making sure every syllable was in proper correct English to insult him. 

"Watch it, I might think you have crush on me" Conner smiled pushing back. 

"What the fuck's yo' problem man, leave this dude alone. Wait…he's right isn't he? You do get hard for him," Mackey winked at Conner, "you want a taste of that white chocolate dick." 

"I ain't no faggot." 

"You sure? I mean ain't no shame, I mean if I was gay and into white boys…. just admit it, oh and stop getting the fucking tip wet." 

"It wasn't me." 

"We is the only two mothafuckas smoking this splif," 

"I Ain't got cooties," he mumbled. 

"That shit is nasty; I don't know the last pussy you ate." 

Conner was trying to stay cool, trying not to laugh at how easy it was to manipulate D.J, now he wasn't itching to get his ass handed to him. 

"I don't eat pussy, that's for those white mother fuckers, I'll get them ho's to suck my dick," he grabbed his crotch. 

Conner rolled his eyes, he wasn't going to keep getting into it with D.J. He had a job to do. 

"Speaking of eating pussy, goddamn there's some I'd shove my face in, and I ain't into that shit" Mackey said nodding toward a girl walking down the street. All eyes directed their way to her. Her hair held out of her face by a plastic headband. Her head as she laughed at a message on her iphone. She didn't even notice the possibility of trouble as the three men devoured her with their dark gazes 

"I won't even eat that. I'd let that bitch suck my dick for real though." 

Connor and Mackey snorted in disbelief but refusing to let D.J. break the magic of the moment. 

Alexa walked down the street reading the text message from her lunch date. 

Where the hell r u? I'm fucking starving 

Ur always starving. Doesn't ur wife feed you 

If u saw what she tried to feed me ud prbbly loose ur appetite, hurry up! 

"Hey there shorty." She almost choked on the overwhelming stench of smoke, she planned to keep walking. Until a hand reached out and grabbed her. 

She took a few deep breaths. What gave people permission to touch her, she wondered as she got ready to lay into the jack ass with the grubby fingers. 

"Didn't you hear me talking to you?" 

"Oh, is that how you approach a woman?" She asked, acid dripping in the sweetness of her voice. She snatched her arm away, fighting the urge to rub away the soreness "does that work for you?" 

Alexa glared at the boy, her eyes changing from a warm honey hazel to the frostiest green. He had become her prey. "Whatever happened to, 'you know you're a pretty lady can I take you out?' Does that hip hop shit work outside of desperate club women who have no class and no self-worth, thinking they are lucky that some jackass like you-" She waved her hand down his body, exemplifying his sagging jeans and exposed boxers, "-is hittin' on 'em?" 

She cocked her head to the side, pretending to listen for his answer. She heard the stifled chuckles of the two men around him. She'd seen them around before, always hanging out smoking out with nothing better to do. The one sitting on the steps was alright. He usually just sat there and spoke to her in polite passing. And the other was the white boy who always glared at her. She always wanted to smack that patronizing look off his face. And there was the other fool, the one with the attitude who had grabbed at her. She should have let it go and she probably would have, but he had touched her. He deserved whatever lashing she gave him. 

He was lucky, most guys she'd just lay them out like her daddy taught her. They thought because she was a fairly small woman they could treat her any kind of way. That crap had to be stopped early or she would be fighting it forever. 

"Who the fuck are you talking to you fucking sciezer bitch?" The fool was getting in her face and she felt the blood rush, her hand became cold with the tingling itch to Polly-whop the jerkass. 

"I'm talking to you! You obviously need help learning how to pick a real woman, and my first bit of advice is to ask permission before you touch her." 

D.J stepped up, ready to strike 

"Dude I ain't fixin' ta let you beat down no woman," Mackey said. He still hadn't moved but he was glaring at D.J. Conner moved, itching for a reason to whoop the shit out of D.J., and hitting a girl the best reason to do it. 

"You ain't that fine no way; I got plenty of women wanting a piece of this magic stick. Fucking uppity ass bitch, ya'll always wondering why black men can't stand your trifling asses," he mumbled, walking away 

"Sorry about that, pretty lady, my friend doesn't know how to talk to a nice young woman like yourself." Mackey's smooth smile blurred with rising smoke. Conner just glared at her. He didn't like her; she was uppity like D.J said, and a fucking snob. 

She had shrugged away most of her anger when D.J left but a fresh wave hit when she saw the white boy's glaring blues eyes burning into her. What the hell was he looking at? Did he want a piece too? 

"Thank you, I should get going," she returned Connors glare, then turned her face and offered Mackey a grateful smile. 

"You know, I like how you didn't take any shit from him, shows you respect yourself. Why don't you let me take you out some time? You know to make up for my friend." 

"Thank you…really, thanks for the approach. Maybe some other time," she shook Mackey's hand trying not to wince at the firmness of his grip. He held it a little longer and than he should have, but he let her go. 

She walked away, Mackay licked his lips. 

"Man, she's fine! And did you see those eyes, you think they're contacts?" 

Conner shrugged, pulling out his smokes, "I don't know, I wasn't even paying attention." He'd seen her around the way. He could tell she was a stuck up bitch and he didn't have the time or inclination to develop an interest in her. Even if she had the roundest, most perfect ass, or was so short, petite and cute. She couldn't be more than 5'5 and couldn't weigh more than 120. So what if she was feisty, spunky and her skin was the color of caramel toffee? Conner knew it was all just skin and make-up. 

"How can you not pay attention to that? What, you not into black girls?" 

"I've dated a few, but she's such a bitch." 

"Ain't nothing wrong with a girl defending herself. Would you let someone talk to your mother or sister like that?" Mackey glanced at him quickly, turning his gaze back to watch her leave, "mmm, mmm, mm," he shivered. 

"Nah, I guess not, but she walks around with her nose in the air and shit." He flicked his freshly lit cigarette to the ground in frustration; he didn't want to talk about her. She made him feel like a dead beat loser. The way she always brushed passed him on the street or glaring in his direction. 

"Yeah, I like that though, that's what I need right there boy, oooh, I'm telling you, ain't many women who respect themselves like that anymore. That's the type of woman who'll take care of herself and her man. Man, she got an ass that'll make muthafucka stutter for reals!" 

"Yeah I guess," he snuck a peak at her retreating back. She went into the lunch deli across the street. He felt a strange loss when he couldn't see her anymore, letting out a quiet sigh when he saw her sit outside with - no not with him…not with his brother. 

"Hey man you hear me talkin' to you?" 

"What?" Conner shook his head, narrowing his focus to the patio tables outside the deli. 

"I said; I'll call you tomorrow and let you know where to get yo' paper." 

"Okay, solid man, I gotta go, Jerome is waiting for me at the shop." He stopped staring at Alexa and shook Mackey's hand 

"Stay cool man." 

Conner nodded absently as they parted. Mackey took off but Conner lingered, keeping an eye on his brother. He tried to keep his mind from going to dark places. David couldn't be cheating on his sister. He thought David was a good guy. But obviously he wasn't, he was with that fucking bitch. They sat laughing, talking and touching. She'd lean in close and touch his hair and he'd gleam with lust. What pissed Conner off the most was that she wasn't with him, and for that reason he hated her even more, although he couldn't admit that fact to himself. He had to talk to his sister, maybe he was jumping to conclusions. Maybe she could fill him in. 

As It Seems Ch. 02



"C'mon baby, c'mon, uh yeah you can make it, please,' she sighed in frustration; a mist of sweat making her skin glow, "please baby, you can do it." 

She was almost there and then her baby gave up coughed, sputtered and died. 

"No! No! NO!" She beat the steering wheel; with her good hand, trying to calm her ragged breath but not able to keep the tears of frustration from coming. She knew it was the pain killers making her cranky, some might even say irrational. So she took a deep breath, she could fix this. It was really very simple she could walk to Jerome's auto shop, it wasn't that far away and that's where she was headed anyway; she just didn't want to leave her car stranded. 

So really it is very simple, she thought to herself. Alexa got out of her car, barely resisting the urge to kick the dilapidated tin bucket.

Deep…cleansing…breath, she repeated. She'd been in a sour mood since that altercation last week with the slacker trio. At least the polite guy was nice, and the grabby chump didn't bother her either; she could easily have taken him down. With or with out a broken wrist. But the white boy bothered her. The way his eyes seeped into her, like he knew every little secret. She even felt his eyes on her when she met with David, scorching her with his hatred. The memory of the day pushed its way into her mind as she made her way to Jerome's shop.

"You okay princess?" David had asked, pulling out her chair. Her gaze kept wondering away from David to those intense blue eyes. She really shouldn't be able to see them from so far away, she thought. She wondered why it was so hateful; what did she care anyway. She shook the thought of him from her head. Maybe he was mad that she dissed his friend. She looked away first; breaking the inexplicable hold he had on her. She could feel his frosty smile, he won the stare down. But she wasn't playing and when she had looked up again he was gone. So nothing else to think or worry about. 

She tried to push him out of her mind, but just like the hold his eyes had on her, his image refused to budge. 

She knew what kind of person he was: a worthless loser who only hung out with ….she shivered in disgust, not letting herself finish the thought. See he's already bringing trouble, making her think about things that she didn't want to. She had his M.O., a no good street thug who had nothing better to do than hang out in the streets. He probably never even had a real job before. All of that still didn't keep her from wracking her brain trying to figure out where she'd first seen him, huhhh, now wasn't the time to dwell on it. She cleared her throat when she met David's expectant green gaze. 

"Um, yeah I just-"she had just about gotten into a fight with some street punk for grabbing her very soar and swollen wrist.

 "Is your wrist bugging you again?" he gently took hold of her hand, noting the bright flaring inflammation. "Damnit, Alexa, you need to take better care of that. Where's your brace?" he demanded. How could he be gentle and demanding at the same time. Comforting and scolding her at the same time, making her ashamed of her stubbornness. In all fairness she really, really hated that brace, the meds, everything and everyone that had anything to do with her vulnerable limb.

She shrugged, the only reason it hurt was because that dick face grabbed her. No she was not about to tell David that, not with his Italian and Scottish temper. He was already fuming and she didn't want to add fuel to that match. She'd seen him blow over smaller things than someone touching her.

"I forgot it but it's fine really I go to the doctor next week for tests." she lied anything to get him off the subject of her wrist. If they didn't she knew it would start a fight about how it got broken in the first place. And really neither of them needed the hassle. So, she lied. For the good of all, she convinced herself. Swallowing the guilt with another sip of water. 

 "Good girl," It calmed him a little, relaxing her tense shoulders. Alexa was a little nervous he was going to ask to come with her, but he was leaving it for another day at least. There was still anger flashing in his glassy green eyes, eyes so much like her own, she thought absently, funny that they weren't, funny that she wasn't really anything to anyone. 

Alexa listened to David rant in her usual kind patient manner, flinching at a few choice adjectives, he used to describe Jenny. Words that she never thought to put together. She somehow even managed to keep her own cool, when he told her that Jenny didn't want him to see her any more. 

His wife really had some fucking audacity, trying to forbid him from seeing her, and throwing a fit because they were having lunch!!!! Her friend Jana-belle was right, Jennifer Hadrian was fucking trifling. Alexa was there before and she would be there after! And after she fought for her, went crying to David for her, because she was the only one he listened to. She bit her tongue to keep her tears back. She couldn't shake the betrayal; she couldn't null the stab in her heart. She had to forget about herself, forget how she embraced Jenny; she was here now for David. He couldn't take much more of this back and forth, Jenny's constant mood swings and accusations. Alexa was starting to notice the dark blue shadows under his eyes, the frown lines appearing between them. He deserved better, but there were his kids to consider. He wanted to make the transition easier for them, so he asked her to live with him once he could get the paper work for the divorce. She smiled and laughed saying yes; sitting on his lap with a big hug and play kisses all over his face. Ignoring the hurt twisting in her stomach, the flashing pain in her wrist and the feeling she was still being watched. It was going to be like old times. She told herself over and over, as little piece of her heart fell away.

That was all she was going to let herself think about it, pretty soon the family would be back the way it was; the way it should be. She smiled, on her way to making her bad day better. She was going to get her car fixed, she'd go shopping while she waited, and maybe, just maybe she could get those cold blue eyes out of her mind. Pretty soon her life was going to be in the land of happily ever after.

Especially, if she could get those cerulean eyes out of her daydreams, nightmares, just out of her head! Every night she found herself thinking about him; imagining his hands roaming up and down her body; sometimes catching her own hands roaming where she wanted his. She wondered what kind of guy he was in bed. Was he slow, fast, intense, demanding, giving? How long could he last, 2minutes? Ten? Twenty? An hour or all night. Alexa's heart fluttered, as the heat of her thoughts showed in cheeks. A surprised moan escaped her lips when her pussy clenched with longing, drenching her panties. 

NOMORE! She chastised herself. He wasn't her type! She didn't do hood rats and she wasn't going to start! Now if her body listened to her head.

***

"Man I had that freak's head just bobbin' up and down like-"

D.J.'s hand was in front of his pelvis as he pumped an invisible head in front of him. "Man, shit I was like plow; plow take that bitch!"

Conner met Mackey's gaze before they both rolled them to heaven. Mackey held his smoking ace in his hand watching the different shapes the smoke made on its way up.

"Man, stop all that roo-rah. And what did I tell yo'ass about this fucking tip?" he tossed it on the ground with mixture of longing and disgust. That was the good shit too. "Go sit yo' scandalous behind down somewhere so I can talk to my man C' right fast." D.J. stared for a second crestfallen that again he wasn't being included in business. 

"Please, man, than you, thank you." he gave him blurry redeye until he turned and walked away. D.J. wave his hand in disgust, fuck them motherfuckers, when I take over this shit they'll know who's the HMFIC, head motherfucker in charge, yeah that's right I'm gonna show'em and show'em good. 

Conner watched him go, inhaling his own smoke. When D.J. was out of sight he pulled it out looking at orange glow fade in and out. He was almost sorry for D, he thought this game was like in the movies; power, girls, respect, people fearing you. He didn't see the everyday sacrifice. 

Connor thought of his own sacrifice. He was dead to his family, unless they needed something. His mom kept candles lit in the window, like she was waiting for her lost child to come home. His dad told him he wasn't welcome in the house anymore. Jennifer was all he had left. He was always his baby sister's protector; he was the one she came to when she needed help. And she needed him now, needed his love and support while she dealt with her cheating husband. He couldn't believe it; he couldn't believe he saw David with that cunt. He tried to convince himself that he was jumping to conclusions. But they were too close too personal to just be acquaintances. He saw her touch David's hand, ruffle his hair, sitting on his fucking lap and kissing all over his face. 

He called Jen that night he asked her how her marriage was. She confirmed what he believed. He could hear the strain of her holding back tears as she told him about the girl her husband was seeing. She told him that he put her before his family, even taking the kids to see her. She was sure that bitch had been in her house too. 

It took all of his will power that day not to go back and beat that asshole to a pulp, and teach his ho a thing or two about interfering with his family. The only reason he didn't was because Jenny begged him to let her handle this. She wanted to try and work things out. It was then she broke down, it was then she asked him to meet her at their parents' house for dinner, later this week. Jenny needed him, so he had to push away his doubtt about his place in the family. It was that conversation rolling around in his head; making him think about sacrifice. How many family celebrations had he missed getting locked up, getting released, going to court? All of that for what? His ego? Maybe. Probably. He wanted this, so now was not the time to complain and feel sorry for himself. He needed to man up, grow a dick and take care of what he set out to do. Succeed. 

Determination hardened his gaze as he blinked away all other thoughts. He needed to focus, because one mistake here could cost him, his life and everything he spent the better part of a year working for.

"What'd'ya need?" Conner asked turning his eyes to Mackey. 

"Melendez wants your help with one of the shipments."

"Cool man, when?" he knew better than to ask too many questions, but they burned his tongue to ask what the shipments were. He clicked the metal piercing in his tongue against his teeth, to keep it busy. To keep himself from asking the 4 w's and 1h. Who? What? When? Where? How? If he sat tight, maybe Mackey would answer without provocation.

"Tonight, at the warehouse. We got some trucks coming in. We need security. You know those guns we were expecting?" 

"Yeah?" Connor tried to sound only half interested, didn't want to give off too much excitement. 

"Well Melendez worked something out with the distributor, so we're getting the shipment early." 

"Why's that? I thought that shipment got cancelled, cause of the feds." 

"Nah, man we just said that to get it leaked out. Only a few of us are going in, only the most trusted men. We gotta make sure it all goes smooth, that distributors getting nervous. Nervous men make mistakes we can't afford." Both their eyes went to D.J., still mumbling to himself. "Hey, does Jerome know you're here?" 

"Nah, but I work for him today," Conner checked his watch, "I gotta get goin' or I'm a be late." he flung his cigarette down and stepped on it. 

"Plow! Plow!" D.j. ran up smashing his in his palm seconds from Conner's face.

"You seriously need to stall that shit out!" Mackey snapped noting the dangerous shimmer in Conner's eyes. Connor took a deep breath willing the heat away from his face. He closed his eyes; knowing if he didn't turn around and walk away he was going to wipe the floor with this pock faced trick. D.J. cackled holding his saggy jeans up wit one hand as he did some techno foot work.

"Que paso puto? pinche gringo too-" Conner could honestly say that he tried to remain cool, but once he felt the twitch in his jaw; he knew it was all over. His vision tunneled as he grabbed D.J.'s blue and white stripped Tommy

shirt.

"What the fuck man!" D.J.'s voice turned into a squeaky whine,

"Get this loco Motherfucker off me!" 

"Didn't I try and tell you to leave that man alone!" Mackey tried to come between them, "Hey, C' man c'mon let that boy go 'fore he pisses himself."

Conner's chest tightened as he fought his animal instinct to rip this punk up. D.J. wiggled and fought, like a dying cock roach. 

D.J. realized too late that he underestimated white boy. He never looked so close to the edge. He wasn't sure he was ready for the ass beating that Conner looked so ready to give. D.J.'s feet dangled off the ground as Conner raised him higher, until they were eye level. 

"C' put him down." He blinked bottling his anger, when heard the distinct click and felt the breeze of metal on his temple. "You're cool and all man, and you're a good man to have around, but as triflin' as he is I can't let you hurt him."

His jaw twitched again; he pulled D.J. closer sending a clear message through his penetrating gaze, before throwing him backward. D.J. tried to gain his footing. He failed falling flat on his ass.

"Sorry, I had to do that, man." Mackey put way his piece and slapped Connor on the back, as a peace offering.

"Whatever, dude, I'm late." he stalked off; cursing himself, his life, and the belief that Mackey was on his side.

"Next time I'll let him fuck you up!" Mackey pointed one of his stubby brown fingers at D.J.

"It wasn't even that serious," D.J. got up brushing the dirt off of his brand new pants, "next time, I'm gone-"

"Shut you' ass up sometimes, this shit ain't no game. This ain't no Scarface or Godfather. This is real life and if you don't stop fucking around you gone find yo'self in more trouble than you can handle, boy. Feel me puto?" Mackey's stare almost as feral as Connor's had been just minutes ago, as he tapped D.J.'s head with his forefinger. 

D.J. didn't meet Mackey's eyes as he stepped back and shrugged. They were wrong; he knew the deal, this was his family's business. He knew if he could get Connor out he'd get a chance to prove himself, again. Yeah he fucked up that last time, but now he knew the score. He learned his lesson now was the time to give him another chance.

Connor zipped down the highway. The winter wind burning his face, he pushed today back from his mind as his bike took him more than just to work. It took him away from this. What was this anyway? He could name what this was exactly.

 It was its own persona now. It was a monster inside him trying to get out, it was the daily strain of being outside of his nature. Maybe this was his nature. He wondered as he unstraddled his bike. Tired and angry with his only outlet, the road, behind him, begging him to ride her again; like demon between the legs of a virgin. Long, hard fast with no remorse.

He opened the doors to the auto shop, his lips quirking slightly at the distinct bell hanging above the door. He rolled his eyes; great his day was getting even better. First D.J. now, Shanae, a big black girl with a big bad attitude. He didn't know if he could tolerate her today. On any day she was pill to swallow. She was another person who was only in his life b/c she was related to someone he worked for. 

"Eww you work today?" she asked swinging her neck and scrunching her face flicking her stringy straw yellow blonde weave. Snapping her compact mirror closed dabbing at the sides of her lips. Yeah she dabbed the corner of her lips that after she sucked him off too. He thought nastily. She was pretty once, when he hooked up with her. She didn't have that ugly brassy weave, her hair was dark and short, she was always a healthy girl, but now she was just big and sloppy. He didn't care enough to be curious about the change, he was sure that made him an asshole. He shrugged what the fuck ever, he thought leaning on the counter in front of her.

"No I just came to hang out with you," sarcasm oozed out of him. He knew her type; he got her M.O. off the bat. When he first started here she came on strong offering all kinds of services that were not displayed on the price board. He didn't care; she was an easy enough lay, and he knew it wouldn't hurt his relationship with Jerome, he knew what kind of girl his niece was, as he said hos need work too. 

"I bet, watch it boy you can't handle this black woodo." 

He smiled innocently, "I already did," he said starting to walk away. She was angry because, he was right. He worked he out good. So good infact, she tried to get him again, but she was a waste of a hard-on. Her loud obnoxious moans, constantly groaning about how she didn't think a white boy could have a dick so big. So he did the only thing he could, put it in her mouth. She did give super head. He thought with a half smile. 

"Asshole!" 

"Bitch," he retorted going into the garage, Tune in. Tune out. Tune up. Was his mantra, once he got to the garage he was still working on a car for Jerome's wife Wanda. 

He blared his radio; his favorite Acid Bath cd "Pagan Terrorism Tactics" letting all of his hostility mold into the music as he slid under the car. 

The bell above the door chimed to alert the absent desk clerk of their new client's arrival. Well almost new, she'd been around Jerome plenty enough, 

just never in the shop. He always offered to fix her car and she always said no thanks. At one point he offered her one of the used cars he sold, but again she said no. Her dad gave her that car for her sixteenth birthday; she just couldn't seem to part with it. It was the first time she could get her dad to comprimse with her. She wanted a convertible and he wanted a safe car. Thus the eleven year old Toyota convertible. It was still a good car, it just had some issues that needed worked out; just like people.

"Just a minute" a harsh female voice called out from nowhere in particular.

Alexa stood at the counter nervously biting her lip. Her adrenaline still pumping after preying to the automotive god to just let her car make it to the auto shop. Which didn't work by the way, she thought bitterly. 

"How can I help you?" a heavier set medium dark skinned woman with brassy blonde hair demanded looking alexa up and down, great! This day was going from bad to worse; it was Shanae, Jerome's niece on Wanda's side. 

She put on an easy smile; her green gold eyes met the roaming dark brown flashing. Shanae hated Alexa, she could only guess why, not that any love was lost her way either. Okay girl you can do this if this bitch doesn't start shit there won't be any. 

"Hey is there someone here that can take look at my car?" her voice full of heaviest syrup she could muster. Making herself gag with kindness. 

"Hold on" the girl walked away "fuckin yellow bone bitch, probably wearing contacts," Shanae knew she wasn't, and she also knew that Alexa wasn't afraid of scrapping. But She had an advantage if it came to that; she knew Alex got her arm broken a few weeks months ago by that rich boyfriend of hers. If she could put it down like me he wouldn't have had the energy to get up let alone break anything. Shanae thought, she also thought Alexa deserved she was probably all uppity and talking shit. Serves that bitch right.




As It Seems Ch. 02



"Excuse me did you say something honey?" She asked in her sweet sing song voice, If this bitch keeps fucking with me, I'm gonna rip her a new one. Alexa's body tensed preparing herself for the inevitable fight.

Shanae froze, "I wasn't talkin to you" she said with as much attitude

as she could. I ain't afraid of no scrawny yellow bone skank, all the while not turning to face her. 

"I'm sorry I've been told I hear things, some how I always hear some jealous bitch talking shit be hind my back." Her smile sweet, her voice soft and cool barely hinting at the danger ahead for this poor chick. This girl wouldn't take the warning. 

"Whatever bitch I know you just trying to be smart," 

"Nah bitch you tryin' to be smart now roll your eyes and attitude into the back and get someone to help me with my damn car." Alexa's eyes flashed, "and sweet heart, the name's alexa, pick up a dictionary every once in awhile, open up your vocabulary, cause if you call me a bitch one more time, I'll wrap that cheap weave around your neck and choke you with it" 

The Shane's eyes widened, she knew it wasn't an idle threat, they got into it before, a few men had pull Alexa off of her. She ran to the back so her uncle could deal with her. 

She usually let that stuff go, who she kidding she was itching for fight. She already had to call into work so she could get her car fixed. The same car that was coughing and spitting like it had pneumonia. She had to talk to Helga to call in, who happened to be one of those chicks that had no power but thought she controlled the sun. Now she had to deal with this pathetic attempt at ghetto fab. 

"Alexa girl where you been?' her mental rampage ended when she heard Jerome's voice as he pulled into a bear hug "I hear you causing trouble out here." He laughed. He was a jolly man always had a smile and a belly that looked like he could play Santa without the padding. His skin a dark chocolate, making his teeth look even whiter in comparison. 

"Always" she smiled, "you know my motto, don't start none won't be none." She shrugged as he led her to his office. 

"I know that's right, come in here and tell me what I can do for you." Jerome listened with warm smile as Alexa told him about her car. 

He admired her, yeah she was pretty, hell who was he kidding she was fine as hell, but there was more to her than those eyes and her skin. She proved her heart to him time and time again. He never knew a woman to turn down a free car, he had plenty; usually old junkers that get revamped. They were reliable, and he wanted her of all people to have a reliable ride, after all she did for him and his family. He never knew woman to give so much of herself just cause she could. She was more family to him that most of his own family, who had a bad case of gimme gots. You gimme it if I ain't got it. 

'"Let's see what my man C' can do for you." 

"Thanks Jerome," 

"Don't thank me yet, Wait 'til Sunday, you can come to church with us." 

"I don't know I'm babysitting," 

"Bring the kids, Wanda's been asking about you." 

"How is she?" Jerome's easy smile broadened, "she's my baby, that's how she is." 

Alexa smiled in return as Jerome opened the door for her to step into the mechanic's area. "Is that good?"

"What'd'a you think?" he winked gently pushing her towards the sound of some death metal. 

"Man what did I tell you about playin' that devil music in here, you need to come to church and let Jesus clear that shit from your mind!" Jerome yelled over the music turning it off. Conner laughed while under the car. 

"Hey man I gotta go pick up Peaches. My friend Alexa, here needs her car towed to the shop so you can take a look at it for her." 

"Cool man let me finish this up," 

"Bye honey, behave, Conner here will take care of you. And if he don't you let me know." He kissed her forehead and took off. 

"Okay thanks, I'll see you at church Sunday." she said to his retreating back, he waved and walked out of the garage opening.

Conner still hadn't come from under the car, but the voice of the girl Jerome was talking to sounded so familiar and he couldn't place it, it was soft and sweet and breathy and so many other things he couldn't describe with sounding like some gay poet, but he knew enough that the sound of her voice was affecting him. Making him shift his legs around to accommodate the extra growth. He caught slight whiffs of her perfume. Not the usual heady heaviness most women wore but light teasing fragrance a mix of sweet and spice.

He caught glimpses of her legs as she walked around the garage her hands behind her back like a good girl so she wouldn't touch any thing. He could see the hem of her dress a knee length soft blue flowing sun dress and a pair of white flip flop sandals. Fuck Conner! He cursed letting himself get distracted. 

"I can turn your music back on if you like." He put the breaks on his attention when he heard her voice again she barely sounded old enough to drive. Soft and unsure, he hear a vulnerability that made him want to take care of her. He had to be losing his mind, he hadn't even seen this girl yet.

"Nah I'm almost done; will you hand me a pair of needle nose pliers, in that box over there." He rolled from under the car just enough to point in her direction, determined to get these wires straight. 

"Sure" she said slowly. "Um what do needle nose pliers look like?" 

Conner laughed.

"That thing that looks like an alligators' mouth." 

"You mean crocodile?" 

"What's the difference?" 

"Crocodiles have the skinny mouth like these tweezers you want, and there is nothing in here that look like an alligator's mouth" 

"Right, okay smart ass the crocodile teeth." He laughed; it reminded him so much of something his niece would say. "And it's pliers not tweezers" 

"Whatever it's all the same" She handed him the pliers. 

"Like alligators and crocodiles?" he asked rolling from under the car. His eyes traveling up her smooth glowing brown legs. She didn't realize she probably should have bent over. With her legs closed, she squatted down in front of him the front of her dress stopping at her knees, and the bottom grazing the garage floor. 

Conner groaned as he inhaled her sweet musk, making his mouth water and his dick pulse. He tried not to look under her dress, but it was all right there for him to see. The plush curve of her ass, the cotton candy blue panties, and last but not least the sopping wet core. He swore he could feel the heat radiating from her gooey center. He groaned again feeling his eyes cross in restraint. She looked so edible. 

"You okay?" she asked as he rolled from under the car taking hold of the tweezers his eyes locking with hers. It couldn't be her. He had to be imagining? She was obviously surprised too he watched as color drained from her honey brown face, her hazel eyes widening in surprised and then growing cold.



As It Seems Ch. 03



This really was a bad day, first her car, then Shanae now him. Him! The first few minutes after Jerome left she spent her time checking him out, as much as she could with him rolled under the car. There was something so hot and masculine about it; the way his pants sagged slightly showing a hint of the deep 'V' under his tight abs. His blue-gray mechanic shirt was open revealing a grimy white wife beater scrunching its way up his stomach, showing off the smooth taut skin. Her panties weighed down with cream when she spotted the coiled cobra tattoo just above that tight 'V' cut. Coiled and ready to strike her. His steady breathes making it undulate hypnotizing her with the smooth movements. Begging her, challenging her to come to it, to touch it, lick it, suck it or just lay back and let it strike. That was when she decided to tour the garage walking around idly, holding her hands firmly behind her back to keep from reaching out to him, or that taunting reptile etched into his flesh. 

She couldn't keep her eyes from wondering back to him; not that she had much choice a bunch of weird alien tools or that gold cobra, or the steady rise and fall of his almost rippling abs. She felt herself tuning into his breath. Breathing in as he did, exhaling as he did. His grunting made him more animal than man, as he worked on the car above him. 

And now she was face to face with him. His sapphire eyes burning into her, he didn't look too happy to see her either. He glared at her before rolling under the car again. Great how much better could this day get, maybe her apartment caught fire, what else could happen today? She sat on her heels for a few minutes after he rolled back under, trying to figure out how to get someone else anyone else to help her. Noting with exasperation that Connor and Shanae were Jerome's only two employees. She sure as hell wasn't about to let that trifling skank work on her car and this fool though he didn't like her; seemed the most neutral of the two. She sighed with resignation and stood taking another tour. 

"You ready?" 

How long had he been watching her?

"Um, yeah sure," she shrugged rolling her eyes and sighing again. That sigh was getting on his nerves; she was getting on his nerves. Just a big ball of attitude! What a fucking bitch! 

"What's with the attitude?" Conner clasped his hands behind his head while still lying on the roller. 

"What attitude?" she demanded hands on her hips she tapping her foot. 

"The attitude you had the other day, and the attitude you have now," he stood placing his hand on his hips tapping his foot, "This!" 

"Dude you so don't know anything," she laughed bitterly, "if you want attitude I can give you attitude," she pointed her finger in his face. 

"Move that finger sweetheart or I'll bite it," he wished he hadn't said that, all sort of images came to mind, different places he wanted to bite, like that drenched-No! He was not going to let his mind go there; not with her. No telling where or who she's been with, today he thought bitterly. 

"You're right that's rude try this finger instead!" she offered him her middle finger and flounced away. He knew it was childish, he knew it was wrong, he even knew that he wanted to piss her off, but he couldn't resist that childish urge. He also knew that his anger was disproportionate to her attitude. As she walked away he grabbed the fleshy peach of ass. 

She turned back shaking with rage, an unholy anger making her ears burn bright red, making her nose flare. He grabbed my ass! This fool motherfu-grabbed my ass!! Her mind screamed. She caught sight of his greasy grimy hands, down to her dress; she started chasing her tail looking for the big black hand print. My dress! My favorite dress! She whirled around her hand ready to connect with any part of his body. 

"Not so fast baby-girl," his voice low and perilous as he grabbed her wrist pulling her to him; twisting her arm behind her back. 

The burn in her shoulder started to spread becoming a dull iciness and still he stretched her arm further behind making her back arch deeper into him. She held her breath so no sounds of discomfort could escape. Her vision blurred with pain and fear. The room swam as dark and light spots dance in front of her eyes. She didn't see the anger, or lust in his eyes daring her to scream or cry out. She couldn't even process the pain in her wrist. Her pulse searing her flesh with each beat. Her nose flared as a rash of color spread across her cheeks. 

She couldn't tell if it was her whole body quivering or just her arm, she couldn't feel anymore. She was becoming numb and light. She was seeing the world in a strange dull Technicolor. 

He knew how bad he was hurting her he could see it in her every struggling breath, or at least he thought he knew. His cobalt blue eyes burned into her. Yes fucking damnit he was hurting her! He was going to keep hurting her! She deserved it for hurting his sister; he knew he was being unreasonable, but dear god if he didn't hate her. Every thing she stood for, everything she was. His breath came in short animalistic huffs and snarls pulling her arm deeper behind her. Making her arch even more. He ignored the voice in his head telling him to stop, calling him the bully he was quickly becoming.

"Let me go," her voice shaky and raw, between clenched teeth. Her chest burned with the effort to control the tears flooding in her lungs, drowning her. She was weak she couldn't fight him. That thought scared her more than even he did. She was weak and vulnerable just like when she was little girl. She couldn't fight him, the sob climbed higher, she couldn't fight.

"Oh, no you're going to learn what happen to little girls with big attitudes."

His hand tightened on her as he bought her in closer, in deeper until heard a grinding pop and felt two marbles moving with his fingers on the inside of her wrist. Realization hit his cerulean eyes as he searched her face, her eyes round and tear filled, her face slowly drained of blood. All of it seemed to meet at her wrist, burning hot under his hand. Then as though her blood couldn't figure out what it should do her cocoa skin flamed in color. 

Conner instantly let her go, an apology dying on his lips as he watched her try not to cry, realizing for the first time how panicked she had become. He couldn't suppress the admiration he felt just then. She didn't back down, no matter how much he hurt her she didn't back down. 

She glared at him her breathing coming in short shallow breaths. Her mouth opened, he was sure to give him a traumatic tongue lashing but she didn't. She closed her mouth and turned away; walking shakily towards the tow truck her fist balled so tight he wondered if she was cutting into her skin with her finger tips. 

She deserved that. He chanted to himself but guilt took over when he got in the truck., seeing Alexa's head leaning on the window, her full mouth pouting as she held back tears. She cradled her wrist until he hopped in; quickly moving her hands so they folded gently in her lap. 

Conner forced his eyes away.

"Where's your car?" he asked glaring at the road ahead of them. He was going to ask again when she didn't respond. 

He heard her take a few deep breaths before she answered, "410 and San Pedro in the north star mall parking lot." Her voice was a stifled mumble; he glanced at her again when he heard her sniffle. He wished he hadn't. One of the tears she held back so hard escaped; she roughly wiped it away staring out the window as he drove.

Alexa hated herself for being weak, she was trying so hard not to break down, and she would not, WOULD NOT CRY! She would not look at him, he didn't exist. She resisted the urge to massage her useless arm. She wasn't going to let him see how much he hurt her. I can't let him see, she chanted in her mind it doesn't hurt, he can't hurt me. No one can hurt me. She had to think about something else; as much as she denied it she was crowded in the truck with him. The way he smelled, so much like the heavy musk before a good rain, mingled with fresh sweat and light cigarette smoke. His hair was a shaggy, tousled blonde. Alexa knew he had a habit of running his fingers through it just by the way it looked, agitated and untamed like him. His skin holding a slight tan, hiding his rosy cheeks. His eyes were such a hard blue it made her flinch and shiver every time he glanced at her. She instinctively pulled her arm closer to her chest. 

His lips were full and pink, his tongue peeking out to moisten it, she was perplexed by a shiny metal looking object. Her panties flooded at his tongue piercing. She thought she saw it earlier but was too distracted by wanting to kick him in the nut sack. Her gaze traveled to his strong veiny forearms to his dirty hands. The hands that fucked up her favorite dress! The baboon hands that just popped her wrist! How desperate was she to sit here checking out this bullying jackass! Agitated she stared out the window again; he could be so handsome if he wasn't such an asshole. 

Conner felt her eyes on him but couldn't bring himself to meet the heat he felt in her gaze. His guilt weighed heavy in his chest. Touching her dress wasn't the most dickhead thing he's ever done; it was pretty close though. But grabbing her the way he did defiantly was on the very top of his "dickhead things I've done list". 

"I'm sorry about your dress." He sighed. She shrugged not trusting herself to speak to him, "I'll pay to get it cleaned." He risked a glance over and cringed at the dark look she gave him. 

"It's grease asshole it's not coming out. And there's my car." She rolled her eyes and frowned at the only friend she had in the truck; her reflection in the window.

Alexa stayed in the truck while he got the car on the tow. When he came back he was huffing and sweating, he slammed the door closed. 

She must be an expert at making men feel ridiculous. He was finding himself impressed that she stood up for herself. A few things about her nagged him; he had to ask "How'd you break your wrist?" 

"What?" she frowned giving herself whiplash turning to face him so fast. Her long pony tail whipping around smacking her cheek.

"Your wrist" he said slower and pointing at it. 

"Who said it was broken? And what do you care if it was?" 

"What ever?" he tossed out his cigarette "What did your boyfriend get tired of you running your mouth and decided to teach you a lesson?" 

She gasped he was close enough to the truth to make her uncomfortable. He realized his mistake he should have known enough not to say something like that; even as a joke. How many times had he stopped shit like that from happening? But he didn't take Alexa as the type to let anything like that happen. Again he shouldn't be surprised he's seen tougher girls let their boyfriends rough them up. Did David do this to her? He didn't know much about David never met anyone in his family. Was he the type to hit a woman? He had to get the information from her; he had to know that Jenny was at least safe with him for now. Though some things did clear up, like why she ripped into D.J. last week, maybe that was why David kept touching her arm. As he thought back he remembered her rubbing it on her way to the Deli. 

"Are you still with him?" 

"Mind your own fucking business, just fix my fucking car." She jumped out before he came to complete stop in the shop's parking lot. 

"Jesus do you wake up with a nasty attitude or does it warm up through the day!" he shouted after her. He felt helpless, it was his fault she was so angry, what could he do about it now? Fuck her; it's her fault for being such a bitch. He couldn't even convince himself of that lie as he thought it up.

Conner checked her car and knew he'd need to order some parts. 

"So what's wrong with it?" she demanded after watching for what seemed like forever 

"Would you understand if I explained it?" he glanced up at her, slowly studding the rapid rise and fall of her breast, the heat burning in her ears, and knew he was in for an outburst. 

For the last 3 hours Connor thought she made it her mission to annoy him. Constantly asking when he was going to be done. Demanding to know what he was doing to her car any time he pulled something out or took notes. He tried to keep his cool. He had to be fair; he gave her more reason to distrust him than the other way around, at least as far as she knew. Somewhere a long the line he lost the patience he promised himself he would keep.

"You are such an a-"His eyes went back to the car. 

"Asshole? I know; you've been calling me that all day. Can't think of anything more original?" he taunted not bothering to look at her as he unbolted something under the hood. 

"Okay fine you are the most arrogant, belligerent, contentious, hostile, jerk I've ever had the bad luck running in to, better? I just use asshole cause it suits you much better." she huffed crossing her arms and legs, in his old worn office chair.

Conner leaned against her car his eyes meeting her again, "So how long have you been sleeping with Jerome?" He didn't know where his question came from, but if Jerome was having him fix her car, for free she had to be giving up the goodies. Jerome never told him to take care of any one and didn't he call her his baby or something like that? 

"Fuck you perve!" What the hell was wrong with him? She wondered pulling out her cell, she had just about all she could take of this chump. "Hey David, sweetie call me when you get this message." she said glaring as Conner's smug expression went cold. 

"What is that another married boyfriend," he folded his arms across his chest to keep himself from losing his temper again. 

"Yeah sure, "she rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Why are you so interested in my love life or my life in general, you want my social security number next, or my work schedule?" 

"Nah, sweetheart just wondering why you're such bitch" he shrugged going back under hood. "Maybe if you had a steady man at home, he could pull that stick out your ass," he smiled and looked up at her again his eyes bright with another insult " or is that what you need a big stiff one?" 

"I hope that's not an offer? If I did need anything from any one it wouldn't be you. Now keep your nose out of my affairs-"she froze, swallowing hard at his frosty glare "and fix my car we can part and never see each other again." She demanded with as much bravado as she could muster. 

"Sounds like a fucking plan." 

Another two hours passed.

"Fuck!' he grunted in frustration at least it wasn't to her this time. She winced he'd been swearing and cursing as soon as he started working on her car. Now it was dark outside, she called all of her friends to try and come get her, but they either didn't answer or were too busy. 

"Are you almost done? How long does it take to fix a car." She pouted sitting in that ugly tattered office chair in front of this huge tin case that held all kinds of tools she didn't understand; boredom and fatigue taking over. 

Funny she almost preferred Connor to what awaited her tonight in her bed, almost. There was comfort and security in being with someone even if you hated each others guts. Easier than being alone.

"Crap!"She forgot she needed to pick up a light bulb for her night light. 

"What's the matter baby? Run out friends to annoy with your whining." he grunted under the car, "goddamnit!" He shouldn't have gotten caught up in her; he was too rough and ripped a valve. She was distracting him with her pacing and calling and just being there. The way he watched her smooth umber legs while she passed by, the softness in her voice when she talked to her friends, even the way she pouted. Her lip sticking out waiting for him to lick it. 

"It's late, I'm tired and you're not the best company!" she snapped "all you've done is insult and criticize me, and attack me and I don't even know you! So excuse me for wanting to get away from you as soon as possible." Not to mention it was way passed time for her medication which was at home. Fuck! This day sucked ass! 

He sighed and rolled from under the car hearing the strain in her voice he softened slightly, "look go in the office and wait for me I'll take you home as soon as I fill out an order for parts." 

Her eyes were getting heavy and Shanae was gone for the day, it was way passed closing, how long did it take to fill out paper work. She wondered as her eyes drifted closed. 

Conner watched the slight rise and fall of her chest; her lip must be in permanent pout because it was sticking out now. Her cheeks flushed slightly under her auburn stained skin. Chewing her lip she moved her head. 

"Wake up honey," he said softly shaking her. 

"Ahh!" she screamed jumping back on the couch, she would have fallen if he hadn't caught her. "Don't do that!" she screamed her heart was trying to escape from her throat. For a few seconds she thought she was reliving that bad night with her ex-boyfriend. But was this really any better? 

"God damn don't you get tired of always having attitude? I didn't figure you'd really wake up with it."

It was the second time she broke his gaze giving him another small victory in their constant stale mates. She didn't want him to see that she was hurt. She didn't want his shrewd azure gaze to see what happened to her wrist in her own sleep clouded eyes. 

"Is my car ready?" she asked clearing her throat hugging herself against the chill in the waiting room. Finally noticing a heavy black leather jacket draped over her shoulders. Smelling just like him. He offered her a half smile "you looked cold," he shrugged standing from his kneeling position he wasn't going to tell her she was shivering so hard he thought she was having a seizure. 

"Thank you," she cleared her throat again, "you shouldn't have done that, I could have ruined it. Drooling or something," He smiled as she toyed bashfully with the hem of her dress. He saw a glimmer of the softness and beauty she tried so hard to hide. 

"Come on I'll give you a ride home," she was going to argue. She inhaled ready to tell him no put stopped, he was making an effort to be nice she should do the same. It was a small brittle truce but a truce all the same. "It'll take a few days to get all the parts in for your car." 

"So where's your car?" she asked when they were outside next to a dangerous looking two wheel death trap; that of which she was not about to be a passenger. 

"Baby, this is my ride," he laughed she stared at the orange glow of his cigarette in the cool darkness of the evening. The wind shifted making; Alexa's dress dance to nature's rhythm. 

He has to be joking 

"I'm not getting on that scooter." 

He stopped laughing; flicking his cigarette on the ground suppressing the embers under his foot "it's a motorcycle." His eyes and voice loosing all humor. 

"I don't care." she shook her head violently. 

"What you scared?" he taunted not expecting her to slap him with the truth. 

"Yes! It barely looks safe for one person to ride!" 

"It's completely safe," he wasn't going to loose his cool, he was going to stay calm and get her on that fucking bike. She lifted an eyebrow offering an incredulous snort. "So, uh, do you wanna tell me where you live? Or should I just guess?" He leaned on his bike looking at her expectantly.

Alexa looked up at him gnawing her lip, "Why?" she demanded suspiciously; trying to block out how ridiculously sexy he looked just then. The way the wind blew his already disheveled hair, that mischievous sparkle that seemed ever present in his cerulean eyes. Even the way his full pink lips quirked in a half smile.




As It Seems Ch. 03



Connor rolled his eyes to the sky and shook his head; he let out an exasperated sigh, "So I can take you home." He said slowly trying his best not to let his temper take over; he didn't want to fight with her. They'd been going back and forth all day, not mention the crotch shots he got while she sat in the chair. He knew she was doing that to him on purpose, or maybe she just didn't know you could see up dress? She was sitting with her kegs crossed. His logic tried to step in; he wouldn't make room in his beliefs about her. Not only was he irate and horny; he was fucking tired he still had a long night ahead of him.

He was surprised to see guilt soften her eyes, making them a warm honey brown. For once since they met she was amazingly sweet him.

He didn't know what he said or how he did it; it took another twenty minutes but she got on. I'd make a fucking awesome hostage negotiator; she was dead set against getting on that "fucking death trap." Now she was sitting behind him holding his waist like a nun holding her virginity. 

"Ready? Hold on tight." 

"Don't let me fall," her voice was small and doubtful so unlike her usual cutting banter. 

"Promise" he whispered surprised at how much he did want to keep her safe. She relaxed slightly burying her head in the slope between his shoulders, closing her eyes so tight it hurt. Clinging to Conner's shirt, he pulled her arms around his waist. She held him so tight she wouldn't be surprised if they melted together. She wouldn't admit to herself that she secretly hoped they did.

She yelped as He started the bike, revving the engine a few times, she was sure just to spook her. The bike vibrated violently between her legs, agitating her already agitated core. Connor laughed shaking his head. 

This is going to be some ride. 

Alexa was thankful; Connor started slow letting her get used to the feeling of weightlessness. The wind slapped her face and stole her breath. She could see why he rode these things. There was a certain freedom in the fear gripping her heart. Her stomach bottomed out with each curve and turn he took. Disappointment pulled at her; as he stopped in front of her building. She fought with the rightness of being so close to him. They sat in an awkward silence; until Alexa cleared her throat. She tried to stand; she wasn't sure if it was her body reluctant to leave the warmth and security Connor's offered or if it was the rough riding making her legs wobbly.

Connor offered her a hand to steady her, and she drew back clutching her wrist. He watched her helplessly; cursing himself, wishing he handled her better. Instead he let his temper and his hate get the better of him; he could have played friend; gotten her to trust him so she would tell him about her and David. Now it was too late to build any sort of trust with her. He hurt her; he knew from experience with broken limbs, he hurt her real good.

Why did she have to be so sexy, especially now; she stood in front of him bashful and shy. He saw why the men he admired most forgot their wives. The thought irked him, he really like David. He didn't get to spend much time with him but when they did he wasn't left feeling like a looser or a failure. The same with Jerome. Jerome warned him what he was getting into when he met with Mackey, with out making the self-righteous speeches he usually came across in this line of work.

Alex closed her eyes bit her lip and took a step forward directly in front of him. "Uh, thanks for the ride home, and for working on my car." She stepped back again as he swung his leg around the bike; towering over her. "What are you doing?"

"Walking you to your door."

"No, really you've already done-"

"You don't know who could be waiting for you." He said simply, his voice harsh, daring her to argue. 

"No one is-"

"I'm walking you to the door." She shrugged; sometime tonight she made herself promise to be less confrontational with him. Now was as good a start as any.

"Keys." He held out his hand.

"But-"

"You don't think someone could be waiting for you inside?"

She resigned giving him her keys.

"Just because we don't get along doesn't mean I want anything bad to happen to you." He said distractedly, opening her door then going inside checking all of the rooms before meeting her dumbfound staring at him in the living room.

"Tha-what the hell? No one was in here the door was locked!" Connor was reminding her more and more of her father. Over the top near paranoid over her safety. Alexa had to call her dad every night when she got home. Everyday before she went anywhere, not to mention take a picture of herself on her phone and send it to him. She gave him her work schedule; he even had every contact in her phone. Funny that two totally different sides of the law had the same paranoia. Her dad spent years in the Austin homicide division, then later opting for a desk job in the FBI. He still did light field work but nothing too dangerous or strenuous. As for Connor's side of the law she could only imagine what made him so paranoid.

"Don't worry, baby-girl I'm not casing your crib." He smiled bitterly as she frowned. 

"No-that's not-I-"she wasn't even thinking that way, he saw the trouble she was having talking to him. He realized his mistake; maybe she didn't think the worst about him after all.

"Goodnight Alexa," That was the first time he ever said her name, she thought as he showed himself out. Why did it sound so right coming from him? He paused at the door looking down into her eyes; processing her seeing her every secret. She flinched under his scrutiny.

He reached out to touch her face, his thumb grazing across her full lips. Her breath breezed on his thumb, making him shiver. They both stood watching the other, trying to understand the complex emotions driving them. 

His eyes were lasers burning into her, he leaned forward licking his lips making her lick her own. She was ready for his kiss, ready to feel the character of his mouth. She knew it would be rough and demanding just like he was. Alexa wanted nothing more than to press herself into the hard lines of his body, to have his arms circle and protect her from the darkness lonely nights bought. With two words he crushed her.

"Too bad," Connor let his hand drop and stepped back. His eyes became cool; making her think the heat she saw in them was imagined. The two things she feared the most showed in the contempt she saw reflecting in his gaze. He saw the filth and weakness she tried so hard to mask. She watched his bad boy swagger with guarded eyes as he turned and the darkness swallowed him. The engine roared into the night as she closed her door. She leaned her back against the heavy wood shutting her from the outside world. 

"Damn it!" she pushed thoughts of Connor from her mind it was 12 am and she still hadn't called her dad. "He's going to kill me." She groaned. This was one of the few times she wished he wasn't so protective. She was tired and wanted to go to bed; she wanted to forget this day ever happened. 

Alexa ran to her phone, it was strange that no one had called her all day. She pulled her phone out of her purse and it was off. "Oh hell," she turned it on 14 missed calls 3texts.

8Dad

2 David

2Janabelle

1 Gauge

1 Jenny

She rolled her eyes at the last what the hell could she have to say to her? She jumped when the phone vibrated and sang in her hand. Beyonce's "Daddy". Even the ring tone sounded angry.

"Hi papa," her voice was so small when she answered; she knew she was in trouble.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Dad's voice was rough with worry and fatigue.

"I'm sorry papa; I guess I shut off my phone."

"Why didn't you call me when you got home?"

"I just got home."

"You didn't work tonight." 

"I took my car to Jerome's; it was giving me trouble," 

"I've been calling his shop-"

"I was in the garage with the mechanic."

"Why?"

"C'mon dad can we talk tomorrow I'm really beat." He heard the strain in her voice and relented.

"Buono, miei bebè," okay my baby. She heard the concern in his voice. She was ashamed of how she made him worry.

"I'm sorry papa, I just forgot to call you."

"Don't worry, principessa, we can talk tomorrow."

"Night dad." She yawned.

"Night bebè," 

After she hung up, she yawned again and started a shower. The steam filled her lungs. She only used hot water in her showers, trying but failing to scorch the grime off her skin. She scrubbed her skin raw but she could never get deep enough to cleanse herself. She was dirty and Connor of all people saw her! Saw what she was trying so hard to deny. Everyone can see it, everyone knows how dirty I am, he saw it, Connor saw it! Panic tightened her chest. She finally let the sob building inside her all day escape

Her knees weakened as she crouched in the tub, holding herself into a tight ball, rocking back and forth. She didn't care about the water turning cold. She finally stood, blindly going through the task of drying and dressing. She pulled on one of David's old t-shirts. She needed something safe and familiar. She crawled in bed she tried to fight the heaviness in her eyelids, but sleep claimed her. For the first time in months she had a peaceful sleep.



As It Seems Ch. 04



"Fuck," Connor muttered to himself as he wiped the fog from the mirror, giving himself an angry glare. "Useless, piece of fucking shit." It was the first time he was able to look himself in the mirror in a few days. He couldn't face the man he was becoming. He was starting to see the savage, he thought he pushed back years ago. 

It didn't help that every time he closed his eyes, he saw hers. No matter how he tried to forget, he saw her green gold eyes large and shimmering quietly begging him not to hurt her. What did he do? And why? Why did he grab her? He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. The pop her wrist made rang in his ears along with her shallow tear heavy breath. 

No. He couldn't lie to himself; he wanted to hurt her, to scare her and make her cry. He wanted retribution for his sister. He wanted to make physical what she did to Jenny. That thought made him sickest of all. He didn't know her and he made her the target of his hate and aggression. 

He admitted to himself that he was in over his head, and it was starting to show. That was the other reason he put his hands on her. That wasn't an excuse; he was already angry and agitated. Dealing with D.J. then having Mackey pull on him just made him the useless piece of fucking shit who rough-housed a girl. A girl who played tough, but was about as harmful as a newborn kitten.

She was the answer to so many questions he asked himself. He almost answered one before he left her the other night. He almost answered the question of her lips. Were they as soft as they looked? As inviting? He almost let his curiosity override his responsibility and loyalty to his sister. He almost let himself forget she was screwing his brother and probably his boss. That thought stopped him from falling into her spell; saving him from his own weakness. He would end up like the other two used and probably thrown away. He knew that's what she did. Jenny told him; Alexa and Jennifer were friends once, so who would know her better? 

He closed his eyes and balled his fists fighting the urge to go to her. He needed to hear her side, maybe Jenny misunderstood. He pushed that hopeful thought out of his head. He saw her sit on David's lap kissing him. He shouldn't feel bad about hurting her; she was after his sister's family. 

He was loosing perspective. He was distracted by her. He ignored the longing and the hurt in her eyes when he pulled away. He knew he broke her with those two words "Too bad." It was her or him, it had to be her. 

That was a few days ago, and she was still haunting him. He knew where he had to go. He had to go where all this started. Where he could regain some of the perspective he lost. He hopped on his bike; running from the demon desire. 

Connor sat in the chair, the palm of his hands pushing the tears back into their ducts, pushing the anger and confusion. How could he fix this? The machine connected to the little girl beeped at him; trying to answer him in the stale and sterile room. It was quiet except for his heavy breath and the grating hum of machines. Each machine had a function. There was one pushing air into her lungs. There was the one beeping which monitored her heart rate; sometimes he wondered if it really was trying to communicate, then there were the tubes, so many fucking tubes. Feeding, draining and other things he wasn't sure about.

He sat back in his chair; it was futile to fight what he felt now. Angry, hopeless, worthless so many other things he didn't want to think about. He let the tears he'd been fighting since he walked in the room fall.

"Hey, sweetheart. I know it's been awhile. I just wanted to see how you were." He didn't know why he talked to her; maybe his voice would guide her out of the unknown. Maybe she could hear him. Maybe his voice made her feel less alone and scared. He watched for hours, the rapid movement in her closed eyes, the constant rise and fall of her chest, and the stillness of her limbs.

Connor stood over her stroking her hallow cheek, "I'll fix this. I promise I'll fix this." He kissed her forehead his tears dropping cold on her face, mingling with her own. He wiped them away with his thumb.

Bang!Bang!Bang! 

"What the hell?" Alexa groaned pulling her pillow over her head. Maybe if she kept her eyes closed whoever was at her door would go away. 

"Alexa! Open up!" Grrr. No such luck. 

"Go away," she mumbled rolling out of her warm comfy bed, "Damn it." she bumped her head against the night stand. 

"Open up it's me!" she swung the door open her angry groggy gaze barreling down on a petite black girl with a pair of wide worried dark eyes. And to tall pierced and tattooed white boy with a pair of sleepy humorous grey eyes. 

"What do you want?" she yawned leaning on the door letting her eyes drift closed as the odd couple pushed their way in. 

"Oh we just decided to drive for nine hours straight to pay our friend Alexa a wake up call." Gauge rolled his eyes, as he headed to the kitchen hoping for some munchies. 

"Are you okay?" Janabelle's usually chirpy and animated voice huskier than usual weighed down with concern and sleep. 

"Yeah why?" Now she was confused, weren't they in New Orleans for some cooking class or something? Gauge and Janabelle were her two best friends. Gauge was in culinary school but he also worked at his friends bar. Pretty much as whatever they needed that night bouncer, cook, bar tender, D.J. He was a tall lanky skater-boy with dark hair, piercing and tattoos. At first Alexa was more than a little freaked out by the huge spaced out piercing in his ears, but he was friends with Jana so he couldn't be all bad.

She met Janabelle at Wanda's Salon and day spa. Jana was the first person to greet her when Alexa got a job there as a stylist. Janabelle was a massage thereapist, they became fast friends. Janabelle was a funny girl she introduced Alexa to Japanime and Alexa introduced Jana to dresses and skirts. Now they both worked at The Rose Pub with Gauge. Belle was also the only one who helped take care of Wanda when she was diagnosed with leukemia. Wanda closed the shop to spend more time with her family, Jarome, her niece Peaches and for some reason Shanae. 

Alexa's hand throbbed as she thought about the salon. She missed it, she wasn't really good at anything else. That seemed to be her calling but she may never be able to work again if her wrist didn't heal. Janabelle helped her a lot, helping her with physical therapy, massaging her wrist and just being her sweet calm self. She was the only one who knew exactly what happened with the exception of the people involved her ex-Marcus, Jennifer and Alexa. 

The girls took a seat at the kitchen bar while Gauge tried desperately to find some food. Alexa's anger drained replaced with the ease of being around Belle. Even the first time she met her she was at ease. Maybe it was because she was so petite, standing about 5'1 and probably 115 pounds. 

"You got anything to eat?" Gauge finally got tired of looking and leaned on the counter, interrupting her thoughts. Gauge came in the package that was Janabelle. It wasn't too bad though. He was funny and cute. And the boy created things in the kitchen that made Alexa ask him to marry her; twice in the last few years. Alexa always wondered why Janabelle never admitted how she felt about Gauge. It was obvious to everyone but them. Janabelle's eyes would brighten at the mention of his name. Her smile became a shy goofy grin. And Gauge was oblivious but it was obvious to everyone they belonged together. 

Alexa snorted, that was probably the dumbest question she ever heard. "Do I ever? You know I promised Dad that I wouldn't even keep anything that would give the idea I was gonna cook." 

"Didn't you sign a contract with the old man saying you wouldn't cook?" 

Alexa nodded pushing down the embarrassed flush in her cheeks. 

"You burn down one house and they never let hear the end of It." she mumbled 

"Ah poor baby." Gauge went to her wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

"Fuck you," She laughed pushing him away. "You know I love you two like family...but... um you still haven't told me what you want." She said still trying to push Gauge off. Man he was heavy for being so skinny.

"I gotta take a leak...Bella tell princess Alexa here why we've been driving nonstop all fuckin' night." Bella smiled trying not to laugh. 

"What crawled up his?" 

"We were worried-" 

"You!" Gauge yelled through the door. 

"Shut up and let me tell her!" 

"Look if you two want to argue and act up y'all can carry your happy behinds back to new Orleans and I can go back to sleep." 

"Stop bitchin'! Bells tell her already!" 

"Shut up! Anyway we were in Nawlins and your dad-" 

"Oh," Alexa covered her face, "Sorry." Jana didn't have to say anymore, Alexa knew her dad called them when he couldn't get in touch with her. Janabelle something had to have happened if Alexa didn't call to check in, and after what happened with Marcus she was even more concerned about Alexa. Even though Gauge was joking about not being worried Alexa knew he wouldn't have driven back if he wasn't concerned. 

"Yeah he got munchkin here," Gauge came out the bathroom and pointed a thumb at Janabelle, "all riled up." he playfully tugged on Bella's hair. 

"We tried to call you," Bella cleared her throat, willing herself not to notice how close Gauge was. Why did she agree to go to New Orleans with him anyway? To be close to him. And to get away from home. She thought sadly. He only asked her to go to get her away from another cheating bully boyfriend, and away from her father who very little time sober. 

"I know I'm sorry I forgot to call and check in-" Alexa averted her gaze. Both Gauge and Janabelle had eyes like hawks and would know something was up. 

"Is everything okay?" Alexa flinched under Janabelle's steady dark gaze. She had eyes that could see into the soul. She saw passed Alexa's bitchfence. It was unnerving to have someone able to read into you. She loved and hated her for it. Alexa didn't bother to hide in herself with her because she couldn't. 

"Yeah...yes it's uh," heat burned her ears and traveled her face. She started biting her cuticles, wishing she change the subject. 

"What Princess Alexa forgot to check in with Daddy?" Gauge gasped his voice high and feminine, his eyes widened as he covered his mouth. "Oh my word! What is this world coming to?" His other hand went to his heart. 

"Quiet jerk!" Alexa laughed slapping him upside the head as Janabelle covered her mouth fighting a howl of laughter. 

"Oh please honey do tell. What kept you from calling Papa Joe?" Gauge fluttered his eyelashes, limped his wrist and added a lisp. The girls shook their heads. 

"There is nothing to tell, I took my car to the shop, the mechanic worked on my car late, still couldn't fix it, so he gave me a ride home." she shrugged hoping that was the end. 

"Did you invite this Mister Man in for a night cap?" Gauge snapped his fingers. 

"You are way too good at that." Janabelle couldn't control herself anymore, she howled in laughter. She laughed so hard she fell off the stool. 

"You fuckin' munchkin!" Gauge jumped over the counter tackling Janabelle. Those two were the biggest fools, Alexa watched them play wrestling; wishing she could be as unrestrained. She was happy they were here; they made her feel better, and kept her mind off anything might creep into her psyche. 

It was always so odd to her that they weren't dating. She wondered when they'd balls up and admit they were more than just friends. 

"No! No! Stop! Please stop!" Janabelle laughed trying to wiggle away, "I'm gonna pee!" 

Gauge let out an evil laugh, "what'd'ya say?" he demanded straddling her. Alexa left the couple to shower and change. 

"Mer-mercy!" 

"What I didn't hear you?! Say it again." 

"Mercy," Janabelle huffed. 

"Who's your daddy?" Gauge leaned closer their noses almost touching. He was just noticing how good she smelled. Light and sweet and fresh. 

"Okay! Stop! You! You're my daddy!" Janabelle gasped. He stopped tickling her, his hands leaning on either side of her head. 

They stared at each other, their breath heavy. Janabelle searched his eyes. They were storm clouds; covering the light behind his eyes. She couldn't see passed their depth. They darkened. The darkest grey she had ever seen.

He looked in her eyes and wondered what she was thinking. Damn, she was beautiful. Dark brown skin as smooth as suede, he couldn't help touching her. Her eyes were large, doey and so dark. They reminded him of when he was a kid and he went to visit his grandparents in the country. Late at night he'd sit by the pond in their back yard, trying to see to the bottom but all he saw was his reflection. Just like now. Sometimes her eyes reminded him of the country sky; dark and twinkling promising heaven beyond if only you could pass through the sparkling curtain. 

"Gauge?" her voice was soft as her breathing got heavier. He loved how she said his name. Like she was asking permission to say it. 

"Yeah?" He smirked one hand brushing a stray hair from her eyes. 

"You're crushing me," her eyes fell to the silver Celtic cross dangling from his neck, hoping he couldn't see how much she wanted him. His eyes flickered to her mouth. It was moist and so plush, so inviting....he licked his lips. 

"Gauge?" 

"Hum?" 

"You're crushing me," she said meeting his eyes again. 

"Oh, uhh, sorry," he stood offering her his hand. "Upsy daisy." he pulled her up. Janabelle brushed invisible dirt off of her jeans. 

Alexa smiled from her bedroom doorway. She wanted to possess Janabelle's easy carefree laugh and manner. It took a long time for Alexa to admit to herself that she was shy and awkward. When people tried to talk to her she got flustered. So she wouldn't talk back, which in turn made her a bitch in their eyes. It didn't matter anyway; they only talked to her because they thought she was beautiful and exotic. She didn't feel it. She didn't feel any truth to their words, so she wouldn't comment. She just shrugged or walked away, hoping they didn't see how ugly and dirty she was.

She was the only girl in her family, so they dolled her up. Her clothes were and still are from Milan or Paris or any other place that could be deemed a fashion capital. Her Nonna was the epitome of style and grace. She taught her how to walk and talk, how to carry herself like a princess. That's what she was to everyone else "princess or pricepassa". She didn't feel like one though. In her mind she was still that scared five year old waiting for her dad to find her hiding in the closet. 

Alexa let out a small breath willing her thoughts in another direction. How did Connor look at you last night?  A malicious part or brain asked. That wasn't exactly where she wanted her mind to wonder, but she couldn't help it. He was in her dreams; his electric blue eyes peering into her, seeing her for what she was. She let herself wonder for the first time that day why he didn't kiss her. What did he see in her that made him look at her with so much hate and disgust? It doesn't matter, he didn't kiss you; you didn't kiss him, once your car is fixed you never have to see each other again.

"Hey guys I'm sorry your trip was cut short…why don't I take you to breakfast? Then we can come back and you can crash here."

Jannabelle stepped away from Gauge, "yeah, that'd be cool." She ducked away from Gauge and Alexa shook all thoughts of Connor from her head.

***

Knock! Knock! Knock! "Uncle Nathan?" He smiled slightly at the small voice on the other side of the door. He pulled on his jeans and opened the door. 

"What's up champ?" he kneeled down meeting a pair of eyes that matched his own. They even had the same seriousness and doubt. Daniel was the splitting image of Nathan, just subtract about a couple decades. They both stood face to face eyebrows knitting together in thought, each trying to feel the other one out. Nathan knew Daniel was more perceptive than most gave him credit for; even at six years old the boy could understand and be weary of adult drama. 

"Is my Zia still coming?" 

"Yeah but not until late." Daniel bit his lip and cocked his head to the side. 

"How late?" 

"I don't know probably after we're all asleep." 

"Oh," It was funny; the one person he couldn't read was a six year old boy. "Well Clara keeps asking and she won't go to sleep until Zia reads her a story." 

"Do you think it will help if I sing her a song?" 

Daniel shrugged, "I don't know. Mommy says Zia is the only one who can get her to sleep. And that pisses mommy off." Nathan almost choked; he wanted to laugh so hard. 

"Oookay, uh let's see what we can do." 

"Un-Nat! Danul!" Clara called from her bedroom. 

"Coming sweetheart!" Nathan laughed trying to figure out a song to sing for Clara. 

"Where my Zia?" The little girl stood at the edge of her bed still not able to reach Nathan's height. Clara was a demanding little girl. Jennifer complained that she was just like David's sister. 

"At work," he picked her up meeting her angry stare. She had David's eyes and his family's light hair.

"She said-" 

"I know baby doll but she has to work, but I tell you what; Daniel told me she reads you a story uh?" the tow headed girl nodded her head making her spiral curls bounce. "I'll sing you a song; I know it's not your Zia's stories." 

"You can't sing you a boy." Nathan laughed.

"Do we have a deal?"

"I guess." She accepted grudgedly. Nathan tucked her in and Daniel sat on the floor next to his sister's bed.

"Anything you want to hear?"

"I don't know?" she shrugged still pouting.

"What about you champ?" Daniel shrugged. Nathan sighed this was going to harder than he thought. He glanced around the room looking for inspiration. He was not up on his children's songs. He spent his day listening to death metal. The window blinds were open and he caught the twinkle of one of the stars out side.

He cleared his throat sitting beside her on the bed. "Twinkle, tinkle little star how I wonder what you are…." His voice filled the room surprising the kids with its deep beauty and comfort. They visibly relaxed letting the song carry them into the land of dreams.

He stroked Clara's hair remembering how his sister got him to baby sit. He tried to resist; he never spent much time with his niece and nephew, was now the time to start? He did have a lot of his own shit going on. He promised himself he'd forget about all his sister's drama; especially Alexa.

"But I need you…" Jen sniffled over the phone.

"What about Mom and Dad?" He didn't know why he was fighting it they both knew he would give in.

"They can't. I even tried David's sister and she's being a bitch."

"I thought you guys were fighting."

"Who? Me and Ally?" Nathan noted the sudden nervousness in her voice.

"You and David."

"We made up. We're going to try and work things out. He hasn't been to see that slut lately."

"Jen I don't know-"

"You said you'd help me. I'm trying to get my husband back and no one will help me." Jen sobbed over the phone.

"Okay, I'll do it. Don't cry." He didn't know what else to do. Next time he saw David he was going to cut his balls off for what he was doing to his sister. As for Alexa he had an idea of how to get her away from David; maybe he could teach her a lesson in the mean time, even have a few laughs. 

"Thank you, Oh Ally's going to come by Friday night after-"

"Hold on. I thought you said she wasn't coming."

"No I said she was being a bitch. I called her like ten times but she wouldn't answer cause it was me. I don't trust her with the kids anyway; she bad talks me to them." Nathan's face burned. Who the fuck were these people? Why were they ganging up on his sister?




As It Seems Ch. 04



"What does she say?" he demanded. He was going to put an end to this shit. She sobbed again trying to gather her strength and breath.

"She tells them I never wanted them. She says animals make better mothers."

"Don't tell me anymore," he said gripping his phone so tight he heard the plastic giving away.

So much for not getting involved. He sighed tucking Daniel in. 

****

"Ahh! These assholes just won't leave!" Alexa hissed throwing herself on the bar stool; hiding her face in her folded arms. 

"What's the matter Hun?" Janabelle laughed cleaning and straightening glasses. The music was loud, not just loud; bordering obnoxious. At least most of the smoke cleared following the rowdy wasted patrons. All that was left was a trio of college boys at Alexa's table.

Gauge and Janabelle pretty much spent the last few days at her place. She knew they were worried about her, even Gauge, though he blamed it all on Belle. They knew something was up. She never forgot to check in with her dad or David. 

They were also privy to her father's strict overprotective overbearingness. They both had to take drug tests polygragh, which her father kept in his basement, not to mention a back ground check.

"I know they are doing this to me on purpose." She whined kicking the bar panel, and huffed. 

"Don't worry honey I got you." Alexa peered suspiciously at Jana with narrowed eyes. Jannabelle winked easing over to the radio.

"What are you- oh no you did not!" Her eyes widened in disbelief as "oom bop" by Hanson blared from the speakers. She covered her mouth to keep back a howl of laughter. Jana started shimmying and shaking.

"Ohh, girl you know this my song." Gauge ran from the kitchen shimmying with her. Alexa covered her eyes. Why? Just why?  She shook her and went to her table.

"Anything else fellas?" She gave her sweetest smile showing a pair of dimples. 

"What kind of crap music is this?" A tall blonde slurred splashing his beer on the floor as he wobbled from the table. His eyes were a vacant blue; nothing like the deep rich blue of Connor's. No you aren't supposed to be thinking about him. She scolded herself. His hair wasn't as golden either. Stop that! 

"You know what you can get me?" she cringed as the drunk leered and leaned into her. She looked at him expectantly. She already knew it was going to be something stupid.

"What?" she didn't bother to pretend interest.

"Inside those panties." Her ears burned; his hand slipped under her plaid skirt, tracing up and down her thigh. She had about all she could take of this bullshit. She had other things she could be doing; than putting up with these jug heads. Before she knew it she grabbed their pitcher of beer and pouring it down his head.

"Fat chance freak," she growled.

"You fucking cunt!" he pushed her and she fell back slipping on the wet ground. She would have fallen if a pair of firm hands didn't catch her and pull her back behind him. She stood with her arms folded trying to cool her rising temper.

"I know that had to be a fucking accident," Gauge was in front of Alexa. "I know you did not just fucking-"

"What's it to you man? Look what that crazy bitch-"

"Watch what you say she's family," Gauge warned his whole body tensed waiting for either of the guys to step up. The trio's eyes widened looking from him to her. They could tell he was ready to brawl despite his lazy tone. 

"Let's get the fuck out of here." The blonde mumbled backing away. 

They lined up at the bar taking their credit cards, "I took the liberty of adding gratuity for our trouble." Jannabelle smiled tossing their cards on the floor. 

"Bitch." They mumbled only loud enough for them to hear. They didn't want to push their luck.

"You okay?" Gauge asked, fighting the urge to follow those fuckers out side. 

"Yeah thanks, let's get this mess cleaned up." He heard the quiver in her voice. She wasn't okay; she felt guilty for losing her temper. She could have handled them, but happy she didn't have to.

"It's not your fault." Alexa shrugged avoiding eye contact. She just needed to get out of there. She was supposed to be baby sitting anyway.

"Hey Munchkin you ready?" Gauge asked while Alexa dropped her bank. 

"Yeah, can I crash at your place?" Her voice was always so quiet when she asked him if she could stay over. She always asked even though she didn't have to. "It's Friday." She added when he looked down at her frowning. She spent every weekend somewhere other than home. Really she spent most of her time anywhere but home. For some reason the weekends were the hardest for her usually the most violent. How many times had she come to his house with blood pouring from her face or bruises. He fixed her up while she tried to talk him out of going after her dad. That drunk piece of shit, would come to his door crying against the door asking for his baby to forgive him. Janabelle being Janabelle she would. 

"You don' have to ask." He stopped her in the door way touching her elbow. He felt guilty. One night changed their easy friendship. One night he stopped being the friend he should have been. One night he chose his own hurt over her safety. He couldn't keep seeing her hurt, he couldn't spend one more day worrying about her. He told her if she went back, he wouldn't help her anymore.

He knew it was a dickhead thing to say, even worse he thought he meant it at the time. Until he didn't see her at work for a few days. He pounded on her door, he went everywhere he thought she would go. 

"Yes I do." He bit his lip averting his eyes from her penetrating gaze. She stepped away from him; as much as she wanted to be with him, she knew they would destroy each other. "You know what I can just go home, it won't be that bad." She could barely hear her lie over the rush of blood to her ears.

Gauges eyes shot back to hers, anger over ridding any other emotion. "You're coming with me." His voice deepened as he spoke through grinding teeth. She nodded; she didn't want to fight with him. Deep inside she knew it was a bad idea. It was getting harder to fight the feelings she had for him. Was she willing to risk going home just so she wouldn't be around him. She still hurt from when he turned his back on her, but could she blame him? She could see that she was draining him and straining their friendship, it was selfish of her to continue but she needed him. Selffish bitch, no wonder your dad would rather be hooked than have anything to do with you.

"We still taking you to David's?" Gauge asked never taking his eyes off Jannabelle.

***

"Thanks for the ride." She hopped out wondering what was wrong with Jannabelle and Gauge. They were quiet the whole ride. She shook off the tension she felt. Those two were usually so easy and fun. Maybe it was her fault, maybe it was the trouble she caused at the bar. She didn't tell him why she dumped the beer on that asshole; he didn't ask. He didn't have to. He knew Alexa well enough to know that she wouldn't have done that without good reason.

He nodded never taking his eyes off the road, "Sorry about earlier. I lost-"she figured maybe he was mad that she caused yet another fight. She really tried to get her anger issues under control; whatever counseling fixed, the pain meds unmantled. 

He looked at her and frowned, confused "What?" 

"The fight." She mumbled a guilty flush warming her face.

"Those assholes were looking for trouble. What kind of friend would I be if I let them push you around?" He gave a waning smile. His blood shot eyes roving towards Jannabelle; Alexa saw the longing, slowly realizing she wasn't the cause of distressed atmosphere.

"Well I'm sorry anyway," she reached over Janabelle and tugged his dark shaggy hair.

"I'll come by tomorrow for your arm." Jannabelle kissed Alexa's cheek.

"Great, looking forward to that." She mumbled

"We need to take care of that." It was one of the few times Janabelle's voice was stern and unbending. Alexa nodded. She knew the massages Janabelle gave her helped, but damn if they weren't painful.

"I better get inside Jenny's brother is probably tearing his hair out by now."

"Please don't forget to call your dad." Gauge added a little bit of his humor coming back. Alexa let out a snort and Jannabelle giggled. 

Alexa unlocked the door and waved them off. She sighed as she walked into the house. Luckily the kids were asleep. Why did she let Jenny talk her into babysitting in the first place? Because you haven't seen the kids in a week. She answered her question. Funny how Jen didn't want her anywhere around until she needed something. She couldn't penalize the kids or David; because of her. So she bit her tongue and agreed.

Jennifer said her brother would spend the night so she didn't have to rush home from work. She never met Nathan before. She heard he was walking trouble. Spending the last few years in and out of the system. Why David or Jennifer would let someone like that around Daniel and Clara was beyond her. She'd give him a twenty for his trouble and let him go do whatever it was he did. She thought as she walked into the living room. 

All the lights were off; but the neon blue glow of the T.V. offered her enough to see her way around. Toys were every where. She sighed as she quietly started to straighten up. She jumped when she saw the massive form lying on the couch, breathing steadily. His face was covered by his for arm, apparently blocking out the unstable T.V. light dancing across the room. Her face warmed as her eyes took him in. He had a tattoo on his chest that she couldn't make out, but she could make out the impressive cut of his chest and abs. He was a breathing marble statue, if she touched him would his skin be cool as the marble his body was cut from or would he be hot burning flesh. Her eyes trailed down to the deep "V" cut in his waist peek-a-booing from his jeans. Where were these guys getting this? First Connor now her brother. 

She pulled a blanket over him refusing to ogle the poor guy any more. She couldn't afford to get turned on anyway; she had no way to relieve that sort of stress. It was too weird to do in David's house surrounded by kids and a strange man. She started to bite the inside of her lip as she turned away getting back to straightening. 

Connor heard the jingle of keys in the door; he probably should have gotten up. He was sure it was David's sister Zia; or some shit like that. He knew it was Italian he just didn't know what it meant if anything. He didn't care he was wiped out. He didn't know two kids could be so tiring. 

He should have introduced himself; but honestly he wasn't in the mood for pleasantries. 

He broke the promise to himself not think about Alexa. Her scent was a ghost following him around all day, to the point he wondered how often she came here pretending to be Jenny's friend only to steal her husband. 

He smiled slightly as she covered him with a blanket. Her voice sounded familiar as she mumbled to herself. He lifted his arm slightly to get a peek at her. He couldn't catch her face right a way, the T.V. went dark for a few moments before it switched to light again. His breath caught as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Her features became more and more distinguished. His heart fell to his stomach; he jumped off the couch clenching her arm and twirling her to face him. 

Alexa gasped barely able to comprehend what was going on. All she knew was there was death grip her upper arm swinging her to meet a pair of burning searching electric blue eyes.



As It Seems Ch. 05



They stared at each other in confusion and anger. Their breaths heaving in unison filling the strained silence. This has to be a dream, Alexa shook her head slightly, a nightmare! This was defiantly a nightmare! Or hell! She thought frantically a screaming pushing its way up her throat. NO! NO! NO! I can't-I can't wake up the kids. Where's Nathan? Did he hurt Nathan to get to me? Oh God! Bile rose from her stomach agitated by her anxiety. What was he going to do to her? 

Alexa closed her eyes trying to slow her racing heart and thoughts. She had to think. She couldn't panic. She opened her eyes expecting him to vanish, expecting this to be a cruel mind trick. Maybe even expecting Daniel and Clara to be jumping on her, trying to wake her to get breakfast. 

She opened her eyes. No, no such luck. This nightmare was real. What do I do? Before she could finish asking herself the question, instinct finally kicked in. She started kicking and clawing, grunting in her efforts to break free from his vice-like grasp. 

"Stop that shit," he shook her, his voice a low warning growl. Connor glanced up the stairs, hoping the noise they were making was just loud in his ears and not loud enough to wake the kids. Alexa couldn't stop, she had to get away, she had to get help. Connor shook her harder as her fighting became more erratic.

"Fuck!" He lost his grip on her twisting turning body. Alexa took her chance to flee. Adrenaline burned through her body, making her faster, making each sound in the house drowned out by the blood rushing in her ears.

"No!" She gasped when he grabbed her from behind one arm around her shoulders, the other going for her waist. She planted her feet on the ground, tensing her body. "Humph," she took the arm around her shoulders using his own strength and momentum against him, she flipped him over her shoulder. He landed with a loud thud on his back. She barely heard his struggling breath, but knew she knocked the wind out of him. She looked towards the door in desperation. She had to pass him to get to it. She couldn't think about it she just had to do run for it. She closed her eyes willing herself to move before he could make a move against her. 

Connor was barely able to catch his breath before he felt Alexa moving passed him. His arm snaked out before he could think, grabbing her ankle making her fall. He dragged her to him as she kicked her leg trying to shake him off. "Let go!" He was on top of her. He couldn't get hold of her flying fists. She punched and kicked as he held his weight on her. She couldn't hear him telling her to calm down, that he wasn't going to hurt her. 

He caught her arms holding them above her head, making sure he was as gentle as possible with her right arm. She was only hurting herself when she hit him. He knew while her adrenalin was high she probably wouldn't feel it, but later on he was sure she would. 

"Let me go!" Connor lifted himself slightly, meeting her eyes. Her's were glazed over, he wasn't sure if it was him she was seeing. He struggled with his own roaring emotions. He tried to hold on to his anger, but something wasn't right about this. He shook the thought out of his head, though he couldn't shake the need for her to know that he wouldn't hurt her. 

"Alexa, stop it. I won't hurt you." He made the attempt to let her go but she kept fighting. If he let her go she was going to hurt herself. Her body trembled underneath his, her eyes a wide and wild glassy green. The same green he saw in the garage when he grabbed her. 

She didn't hear him the only sounds she heard was the pounding of her heart and the inner voice telling her to fight. She closed her eyes as memories mingled with the present, confusing and blurring her vision. "Get off me Marcus!" She wasn't with Connor anymore...

 Was it the strange clinking that made her start to wake up? No, it was the cold stinging pinch in her arm that made her shift restlessly. Her right arm was above her head prickling and stinging. She tried to bring it down, but it was stuck and the harder she pulled the more it pinched and pulled. Her breathing quickened.

"What-"

"Hey Lexy you waking up?" Marcus' voice was a low whisper against her ear. She shivered, not the good shiver she always imagined she should have gotten, but a creepy alarming shiver warning her something wasn't right. He held her left hand, rubbing, kissing, caressing.

"My-my arm is stuck." She panted still pulling no longer caring about the metal cutting into skin.

"Relax Ally," he pulled her other hand towards the metal bed post. The cold of it shocking her skin making her finally pull it away. 

"What are you doing?" she started slapping and hitting at him.

"What the fu-" He was about to stop but he caught on to her game. He almost believed she really didn't want to do this.

"Let me go, Marcus!" Realization dawning. She told him she wasn't into this. She barely liked sex let alone liked the idea of being handcuffed even less. The handcuff already attached was really tight. Angry tears fell as she started fighting him. 

"Oh you wanna play like that?" He smiled getting turned on. He didn't know she'd play "defenseless" role so well. He asked her for months to try bondage, at first she just said no, then he kept asking and eventually they started fighting about it. He was about to give up, then he got the idea to try it anyway from Jennifer. She said that Alexa was just afraid to let her inner freak show. He needed something because as hot as Alexa was she was frigid. She didn't seem interested in him at all. He was almost sure she just started sleeping with him to shut him up. 

 He climbed on top of her and she fought harder, bucking wildly. "Relax-"

"Alexa," a pair of large rough hands cupped her face, thumbs scraping up and down her trial of tears. Her vision focused, returning back to the present.

"Calm down, just relax," Connor's voice was calm and steady even if the rest of him wasn't. He looked down at her, into her eyes. She didn't see him; she was somewhere else with someone else. She cried out, calling him Marcus. He held her shaking head firm; kissing her forehead. Letting her fists punch him, her legs kick him. Anything if she would just stop and see him. He could feel her body getting tired; her breathing was still heavy but more controlled. 

Just after he told her to relax she sobbed, a soul wrenching cry that tore into his heart.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered over and over against her forehead. He lifted himself up when her body went limp. Bile rose in his throat as she hugged her arm close, curling into the smallest ball she could manage. He watched helplessly as she regained a stumbling control over herself.

He didn't know what to do. That was something he couldn't afford. In his line of work he always had to know what to do, another example of how she was affecting him. She cupped herself, holding herself away from him, hiding her face as sobs shook her body. He took a step towards her, then backed away when she curled even tighter and cried even harder. He ran his hands through his hair, letting out long sigh.

"I'll-"he gulped, pushing the dryness out of his throat. "I'll- uh- be in the kitchen," he cleared his throat. "When you're- when you're ready to talk." Connor wanted to pull her close, kiss her tears and rock her to sleep. Then he didn't care if she was sleeping with David, he didn't care why she was here, he just wanted her to be alright. He shook those thoughts from his head. Why should he feel like shit? He didn't break her wrist, this time he didn't even touch her wrist. She surprised him, and he reacted. He pulled a bottle of Heineken out of the fridge. He pressed the cold glass bottle against his lip wincing, she smarted him good on the side of his mouth. He licked his lips but didn't taste blood. 

Connor was surprised by how strong Alexa was. He could barely hold her down, if he wasn't used to fighting he knew she would have done a lot more damage. He sat on the counter, leaning back against the cabinet. He felt the grooves in the cherry stained wood press into his back. He closed his eyes. He heard the creaks in the house. The light thumps of her going upstairs, probably to check on the kids. He tried to muster some sort of anger, but he was still too shaken. He hurt for her and if he ever came across that Marcus motherfucker he was going to chiv his sorry ass.

He slowly calmed down. He needed answers and he was going to get them. Connor had to figure out how to get those answers with out them fighting…without me hurting her, he thought.

Why was she here? He asked himself over and over, pushing the only real reason she would be there away. He drove out the possibility that Jenny could have lied to him all this time. That was stupid, what reason would she have to lie anyway? She would had to have known that the two families would meet up eventually and she'd have to explain herself. Besides Jenny wouldn't lie him. Connor popped the cap open on the edge of the counter. He took a long slow swallow, the cool crispness easing some of his tension. His body stiffened when he felt a pair of eyes watching him. 

"Have you been drinking that shit all night?" Alexa demanded standing in the kitchen door, with her arms folded. Her voice still raw and shaky from crying. 

When Connor left her in the living room she pulled herself up against the couch. She had to get control of herself, of the situation. She had to find out what he was doing here and where was Nathan? A few more sobs gasped out of her tears cooling her burning face. She took a few deep breaths before she stood. She slowly made her way upstairs; she peeked in Clara's room first. 

The little girl was cuddled close to her stuffed bunny, her thumb in her mouth. Alexa smiled sadly, wishing she could be the carefree little girl Clara was. People always said that Clara was just like her, demanding, bad tempered and spoiled. She let them think it, making it easier to keep anyone from looking to deep into her. She tucked the little girl in, kissing the top of her soft curls. 

"Sogni d'oro, sweetie," sweet dreams, she murmured gently pulling Clara's hand from her mouth. She wondered if Clara could have picked that up from her. She still woke up sometimes with a finger in her mouth, like she was biting her nails in her dreams. She left and checked in on Daniel. He was such a little man, instead of a little boy. Thoughtful, serious he watched everything and everyone. He was closer to her than Jennifer, but she was more patient with him. She knew just because he acted like a grown up, he was still a little boy.

He was a wild sleeper and he slept like a rock. She tried not to laugh at his sleeping position. He was on his stomach with his knees tucked under and his butt in the air. His hands laying at his sides as snores filled the room. She debated on straightening him out but he looked so cute and comfortable so she draped his blanket over him and kissed his cheek. "Goodnight little one."

She pulled out her phone and called her dad. She sighed, willing her voice to sound normal.

"You home?" he sounded preoccupied and she hoped that he wouldn't want to go through their nightly walk through. She knew it had to be the case he was working on. He usually greeted her in Italian or with some pet name. Alexa was relieved. She loved her Dad with all her heart; he was her first love, but sometimes his protection was suffocating. It's part of the reason she offered to stay with David and help Jennifer take care of the kids while he worked and went to school. 

"No, I'm at David's," she prayed he couldn't hear the strain in her voice. Should she tell him about Connor? There was no reason to. Didn't he say he wouldn't hurt her? She believed him. She didn't know why, but she believed him. No need to worry her Dad, it would only distract him from whatever case he was working on.

"Babysitting?" she heard the rustle of papers in the background.

"Yeah, David and Jennifer went to that weekend couples thing."

"Are you walking around the house?"

"Dad I just got off work and Jen's brother is here." She lied

"Let me talk to him."

"No dad it's late I-I'll call you in the morning, good night papa I love you, bye." She hung up quickly, before he could reply and rushed back down stairs. 

Here she was now facing Connor. She stood in the doorway watching him lean against the cabinet. She bit her lip unsure of what to do. She watched him take a long drink. She tried not to notice how beautiful he was. His blonde hair mussed from sleep. His eyes were closed, which was good because whenever she looked into them she was trapped. Maybe it was the color, the strange dark bright solid blue that you only saw in Caribbean beach ads. Maybe it was the intensity behind the color; that moved her. She believed he could will mountains to move just by glancing at them. 

She watched his throat bob as he downed the liquid. Her eyes flowed down his body like his drink, taking in his toned shoulders. She watched as shadows played on his chiseled chest. It looked like his skin was stretched over a breast plate firm and solid under smooth skin. Her lips quirked slightly at tattoo on the right of his chest; above the smooth pink nipple. Spike the dog from the Tom and Jerry cartoons, a complete contrast to the reptile on his hip. Her eyes followed down to his taut stomach. She wanted to reach out and run her fingers over the slight lines of definition. She wanted to be underneath him, his big body holding and protecting her. She winced seeing the red and green whelps over his torso mingled with old bullet and stab wounds. 

Her eyes glazed back over his body meeting his eyes. He was looking at her curiously. 

"What?" he asked confused. 

"Have you been drinking all night?" It was more an accusation than a question. She had to regain control the only way she knew how. She had to fight with him. Anger was the easiest feeling to deal with, instead of the nervous tension in her gut. Her face was tight and itchy from the tears that dried on her face, her eyes red and swollen. She balled her fists frustrated that he saw her like that. 

Connor set the beer down with a soft clank on the counter. "No," he said simply. She started to fidget under his gaze. She couldn't meet his eyes long enough to decipher the flickering emotions. 

He hopped off the counter standing against the sink. He folded his arms across his chest and crossed his legs at the ankles. He stood there quietly studying her. 

Her hair was a mass of waves flowing down her shoulders, it looked so soft and dark. It was soft he remembered stroking it out of her face a few minutes ago. Her eyes were more gold than green now. She must have calmed down, somewhat. He watched her lick her raw swollen lips. He wanted to kiss her; he wanted to forget everything and everyone. His eyes went to her rumpled white oxford shirt. It hugged her body showing off her small breast while still covering and her slim waist. He was sure his hands could wrap around her and touch. A pink and white plaid school girl skirt stopped mid-thigh showing off her long shapely legs. Shamefully he thought of how her legs were spread beneath him in the living room. His eyes went back to her face. She was a little pale which worried him, her wrist must hurt, he thought. Maybe I did grab it. He searched his memory, once he knew it was her he made it a point not to grip her wrist. His eyes flickered briefly to her arms. She was still holding it. He closed his eyes. Fuck!  

"What the fuck are you looking at?" he shook the jumbling thoughts out of his head. "What is wrong with you? Why are you staring at me? Better yet why are you in my brother's house?" she backed away when he made a move towards her, hiding her arm behind her back.

"What did you say?" he demanded stopping in his tracks. He didn't hear her say that. She couldn't be, she's fucking lying, she fucking played me-shut up asshole you knew as soon as you saw her who she was. You just didn't want to believe it. You wanted a reason to bully and scare her because your head is fucked. 

"I said a lot, which part do you need me to repeat?" She demanded sarcastically, sitting at the large round kitchen table. She was getting dizzy and she was tired and she wanted her Dad. She should have told him about Connor. She knew she sounded like a baby but her Dad really could make everything better. It was too late now; she had to deal with this. She had to be the girl she was raised to be. The tough daughter of a tough cop. She wasn't going to let this overgrown macho jerk scare her…again. 

"You're not David's sister," he sat at across from her, putting another bottle of beer in front of her. 

"What do you know? You don't know anything about my family." She hissed tapping her finger on the table. Connor bit the side of his cheek pushing down anger; he wasn't sure who he was mad at yet.

"You can't be his sister?"

"WHY NOT?" Her eyes flashed.

"How stupid do you think I am?" he sighed frowning at her. 

She leaned back in her seat a dark smile on her lips, "I don't know but I'm sure you are about to enlighten me."

"You and David don't look anything a like." Even that logic sounded weak in his ears.

"So?"

"You're bl-not white." He knew he sounded like a jackass he knew her skin color didn't matter; he needed her to be the liar.

"Great, not only are you an asshole but you're a bigot too," she rolled her eyes. She never got used to the funny looks she got when people met her family. That's when she felt the most out of place. Maybe she didn't really belong with them. Maybe that voice that told her to hide and wait was wrong.

"You're name is Alexa."

"Smart boy, wanna cookie?"

"His sister's name is Zia or some shit."

She sighed, "Zia is Italian for Aunt. It's easier for the kids to say it in Italian than English." He saw the flicker of hurt in her eyes. He closed his own eyes, he got played alright. She was telling him the truth. Why would Jen lie it didn't make sense.

"Are you going to tell me what you are doing in my brother's house?" She watched his hands knocking anxiously on the table. His jaw tightened and twitched as he help back a roar of expletives.

"Jenny asked me to baby-sit," he said absently. His mind was moving so fast, too fast.

"Why would she ask you? What happened to Nathan?" He saw the realization dawning in her eyes even as she tried to deny it. He wasn't the only one that got played. 

His slight grin answered her question. "Your name is Connor." He nodded wondering how long it would take for her to come to the same conclusion he did. "But her brother's name is Nathan-"she looked up confused. She looked so sweet and innocent he wanted to laugh. Why did he ever think she was that type of girl? Why didn't he just fucking ask her and save both of them a lot of drama. She still might be that kind of girl, she' might be fucking Jerome. 

Do you really think so? He asked himself, no.

"Nathan O'Conn-"she stopped, her eyes widening, "you're Nathan?"

They stared at each other, digesting their new family member. The silence was long and defining, until Connor leaned forward, breaking the awkward silence.

"How's you're wrist?" he reached for Alexa's hands and she tried to pull away. She couldn't, his hold was firm with out hurting. She shrugged looking at the contrast of his pale to her dark. She didn't like how he was making her feel. She didn't like the tingling or the moistness in her panties. Why did he care how her wrist was? He hated her. Panic bringing justification for her wariness. "Did I hurt you?" She met his eyes briefly before looking away. They were so beautiful she wanted to keep looking into them, but she couldn't. 




As It Seems Ch. 05



He took her silence for a yes. He closed his eyes and let out a breath. "I'm sorry, Alexa, look at me," she couldn't. She heard his heavy breathing and felt him move without letting her go. He was kneeling in front of her, "I'm sorry I hurt you, tonight and a few days ago in the garage. I didn't know you were hurt. That's no excuse I shouldn't have done that to you. And tonight you took me by surprise; I tried to avoid your arm. I would never hurt you and I'm so, so sorry I did." His apology was so heart felt and honest more tears came to her eyes. She almost got them under control until she felt his lips graze her palms to her slowly swelling wrist. He kissed each palm and wrist lingering on the injured one. 

"Here." He took the beer off the table, she completely forgot about it. 

"I don't like beer-it tastes like piss." She mumbled, as he handed it to her. Laughter exploded from him and she looked up. Her vision was too blurry to see him but his laugh sounded warm, making her want to smile despite all the complicated emotions twirling around her. She was happy to get that sort of reaction from him. She was so used to his anger and aggression, his laughter was welcome change. He put the cool bottle on her wrist. "I told you I-"

"Re-"he was about to tell her to relax but the last time he said that she cried, God pray he never ran into that Mother-fucker Marcus. "It's for the swelling."

"Oh, I-thank you but I- I just want to go to bed. Thank you." She stood setting the bottle down, suddenly antsy. Her thank you meant more, but her brain was too foggy to express all of the emotions running through her. "Goodnight Con-Nat-," she sigh frustrated and turned to look at him. She wasn't expecting him to be so close; she bumped into his chest as she turned. His hands wrapped around her waist to steady her. 

Alexa looked up at him helplessly, she shivered and he pulled her closer. She felt his heart beat against her skin, he was so warm. Her hands rested on his shoulders. He took her right arm kissing it again. "I meant what I said about not hurting you." He looked deep into her eyes. He wanted her to see what was there. He wanted her to see that he was sorry and that he wanted her so bad he could taste it. He wanted to taste it. "Do you believe me, baby girl?" he whispered his lips grazing her ear. She nodded her body limp against him. He kissed her cheek moving his way to her lips. 

She was biting her lips as his hands braced her face tilting her head back. He gave her soft lingering pecks on and around her mouth, coaxing her lip free from her teeth. Her stomach dropped as their lips touched. She wanted this like she never wanted anything or anyone before. He covered her mouth, his tongue dipping into her, testing how deep she would let him go.

The metal ball on his tongue was smooth in her mouth. Conducting and passing electricity through her. She moaned deep in her throat and he swallowed it with his own. Her nails dug into his shoulders. His tongue did slow swirls in her mouth then flipped to quick butterfly licks.

"Ooohh," if her panties weren't wet before they were flooding now. They gave in under the pressure of her moisture, no longer able to support it, wet heat slid down her thighs. Oh Dear God in heaven. His hands slid down her body stopping at her breast. His thumbs rubbed up and down her cloth covered nipples, feeling the hard tight nubs. He teased her senses with swirls and flicks in her mouth, then devouring her; only to start the process over. She arched her back quietly begging for more. Her hands smoothed down his firm chest, her fingers lightly tapping over him. She felt the raised scars probably from being shot or stabbed. She wanted to kiss them; to take away any pain he experience before, and the pain she caused tonight. 

Connor grunted. He wasn't sure what to expect when he move to kiss her. From their short history he expected her to huff, puff claw and scratch. She was going to let you kiss her the other night. His hand move down and under her skirt. He finally got the chance to massage her smooth perfect flesh. He pulled her closer his hands running up and down digging into her flesh. His knees buckled slightly as his fingers brushed the slick moistness running between her thighs.

His mouth moved down her neck tracing her pulse to her neck. "Fuck," he groaned before licking and biting. His fingers had a mind of their own grazing the outside of her panties before dipping in. 

"Ahhh," Alexa gasped her head leaning back against the wall. His finger ran slow across her lips easing open her slit. She wiggled impatiently. His eyes burned into her, waiting for something. "Please," she whimpered circling her hip to get more friction against her heat. Her eyes half closed she could see the frown of concentration on his face. His gaze melted her skin, the flush in his cheeks moving down his throat to his deep panting chest.

His dick expanded painfully in his jeans, little Connor was trying to peek out. It seemed to push at his zipper. "Please Connor." He pushed his finger in her slightly resisting pussy. She was so tight his finger barely fit. She moaned egging him on. He pushed deeper he almost expected to feel a flesh barrier she was so tight. His finger circled as he took her mouth again. His palm rubbed her swollen clit as he worked her pussy. Her body stretched and tensed preparing for its finale. She moaned and cried her hand rubbing over the bulge in his jeans. 

Connor bit her ear to keep from shouting out. "Yeah, that's it baby, touch it," he groaned. She pulled him out surprised by his heaviness and girth. He was long and smooth, hot under her cool hands. She gripped him firm jerking him, she was afraid to look down. If he was as big as he felt in her hands she was in trouble. Her body coiled tight until she had to let go, releasing a shocked and confused cry of pleasure as her body gave in milking his finger. Her nails dug into Connor's skin as her hips ground into his hand gushing out her honey. 

She closed her eyes as realization slapped her cold in the face. She looked up at Connor, his eyes still bright and burning with lust. He blinked as she dropped him and pushed him away. "I can't believe you did that! You ass-you-you t-took advantage of me!" 

"What the fuck!" he yelled as she slapped him hard. The clap of her hand against his skin echoing in the room. She refused to shrink under his furious gaze. "I didn't do shit but you wanted, you asked me, remember? Please, please Connor." He folded his arms across his chest his nose twitched at the smell of her body's sweetness still on his finger. He wanted to lick her inside out. His mind was hazy with the desire to push that skirt up and give her the long ride she obviously needed. 

"I-I did not! You jerk I fucking hate you!" she said before running away from him, his magic fingers and her own lies. 

Fuck, now they were right back where they started. No not quite now he had a few bruises and a raging hard on that he wouldn't be able to ignore. He went to bathroom rubbing her left over honey over his protesting cock. Up and down, biting his lip so he wouldn't call her name or cry out at the violence of his release. No, not quite square one but not necessarily better off either. He thought as he cleaned himself up and got ready for bed again. Jennifer had a lot of explaining to do, he had half a mind to call her now. He wouldn't though, this was a conversation they needed face to face.



As It Seems Ch. 06



The silence between them was strained even with the guitar and drums calling to them from the radio. Gauge kept his eyes on the road, except every so often they would wonder her way. He knew she was nervous, where Alexa was fidgety under strain Janabelle was freakishly calm and still. Instead of flying off the handle she would sit and think, un-nerving the fight out of whoever was angry. 

The song ended and the silence stretched as he parked the car in the lot of his apartment. He raked his hands through his hair letting out a heavy sigh. What was wrong with her? With him? With them? How could he fix it? He couldn't erase the night he turned her away. It was the same day he admitted to himself he loved her. It was self-preservation! He couldn't keep seeing her hurt, it was chipping away at him so when he heard the familiar timid knock, he was afraid. He folded his ands across the span of his chest guarding himself against her bloody clothes and bruised face, her lips swollen to twice their fullness caked with drying blood. He couldn't remember his exact words to her, but something along the lines of he couldn't sit around watching her being hurt so he was done.

She gazed up at him confused her mouth opened to say something but nothing came out except a choppy croaking breath. They stared at each other and he wanted to take it back. He wanted to pull her close, he wanted rewind and delete those harsh words. More than anything he wanted to know what to do. He wanted to understand the anger he felt towards her, she was a good daughter to her father and a great friend to him. They both hurt her abandoning her in different ways.

He reached out to her but she stepped back shaking her head, glaring at him like stranger. She stumbled as she walked backwards trying to decipher what had just happened, before turning to walk away. She didn't look back, as she hung her head low; wondering what was wrong with her. Why was it so easy for people dismiss her? She had no one, no she sighed that wasn't completely true, she could have stayed with Alexa, or Wanda and Jerome. That just screamed trouble, Alexa would call the cops or worse call her dad in Austin and Janabelle would have to look into watchful eyes and lie. Jerome and Wanda were no better, no actually they were worse they'd call "cousins" to handle her dad. She couldn't afford that. She couldn't afford the bail if she went to Alexa and she couldn't afford the hospital bill if she went to Wanda.

Janabelle walked the streets for a few hours that night, until she figured old Man Monroe, her dad passed out. She crept through the door hissing sharply at any creak her weight caused on the floor. The old man was sprawled on the floor snoring. She tip toed to her room, finally collapsing on her bed letting quiet sobs convulse in her chest. 

Gauge knew he was a dick not 5 minutes passed before he went after her; he spent the whole night looking for her. He since has spent every waking moment making up for his selfishness. Every moment trying to get his Bella back. She pulled deep into herself anytime he saw a glimmer of their old friendship. She would close off and move away. Did he blame her? 

"So you want to tell me what that was about?" Gauge asked as though he didn't know the answer. 

Janabelle shrugged turning her face to the passenger window. There was a hard coldness radiating from the window making her shiver as she stared in the gaze of her ethereal reflection. She wished she had the ease of being an image instead of real person. She would only appear in the hard cold glass and disappear when the other image was finished and satisfied with itself. She touched the glass under her finger tips lightly brushing her ghost as though drawing courage and comfort, somehow if she could block the twisting and tightening in her chest. She didn't want to feel this way, she didn't want to feel the anger and bitterness eating inside her or the hurt she denied feeling when he turned her away. None of this mattered. It was obvious she didn't deserve love and comfort. It was her fault her Dad was an addict, she should have been able to stop him. So whatever he did to her she deserved because she failed him. And she pulled Gauge into this cluster fuck she called a life, relieved to finally have someone to turn to. She strained their friendship, she was selfish. Then she had to fall in love with him. What was she thinking? She scoffed at herself as tears pushed their way up to the surface. 

She wasn't going to cry to him anymore. She wasn't going to hold the hope that she could be loved, especially by him. Love was a fucking joke, love didn't cure or heal it sucked you dry it made you a fraud. She pretended to be the chill chick, the one everyone loved to hang around; she wondered that no one saw the fire bubbling to her surface. She was barely holding on to herself. There had to be something wrong with her right? If her dad loved her enough wouldn't he stop taking drugs, wouldn't he hear her voice in the fog of his delirium when she'd cry curled into a ball no daddy it's me! Daddy wake up it's me! 

"Janabelle," the deep timbre of his voice pulled her out of her thoughts and tugged on the heart she tried to shut off. Gauge never called her Janabelle. It was always some variation Belles, Bella, Bella Bear, lil'bit, and his personal favorite munchkin, but never Janabelle. It was strange and foreign as she twisted the sound of his voice saying her name over and over in her head.

"Jana," he said again in a long sigh. She tensed as she heard the clink and cloth zip of him releasing his seatbelt. She closed her eyes as she felt the push of his energy nearing her own. "Talk to me...Please," his hand wrapped around the one she kept idle in her lap. His hand was big and warm totally engulfing hers. The silver thumb ring put out the most heat, scorching a trail over her thumb as he stroked it.

Her eyes focused on his shadowy reflection behind her own. His usually cool grey eyes bright and warm with concern. She met his gaze in the window; it would be easier like this, if she didn't really have to face him. She could pretend that what they were feeling they really weren't. 

"What do you want to talk about?" her voice trembled lightly in its softness. 

"Us," Gauge said tugging her hand to get her to face him. His simple confession surprised her enough to make her turn.

"Us? What about us?" her voice was harsh and raw. Janabelle couldn't and wouldn't talk about them. She didn't want to talk about anything. She just didn't want to exist at all. She didn't want to be sitting there looking into Gauge's beautiful clear eyes wondering when he was going to turn his back on her again. She didn't blame him but that didn't stop it from hurting.

Gauge opened his mouth then closed it. He didn't know what to say to her. What could he say? Her eyes burned into him, he studied the hurt radiating from her. He was about to reach out and touch her face. Her cheeks still had traces of baby fat, adding to her prettiness. Before he could reach her, she was out of the car slamming the door. 

She was about to take off somewhere, anywhere to think, to cry, to be away from guaranteed heart break. The cold air surprised her, stopping her in her tracks giving Gauge the chance to catch up. She gasped into the night and huddled close to herself. Gauge trapped her between his car and himself. He looked down at her for the first time he could see, he understood the weight of what she carried.

"I-I don't w-want to t-talk," she whispered through trembling lips. It had to be from the cold and not because Gauge was so close, she lied to herself. The air was so crisp and cool it hurt to breathe but she did, letting out a fog that blurred their vision. 

Gauge gave a short nod, "We don't have to." He promised pulling her close, closing his eyes as he wrapped protective arms around her. She tensed then relaxed leaning her head on his chest. He thought of their trip to New Orleans earlier in the week. 

He went for a cooking class and asked her to come with him. The class was two days at six hours each but they made it a vacation week. She hung out with some of his friends and the nights were theirs after he showed off his cooking skills. One night while they were there he took her on one of those haunted tours, she always wanted to take. It was cool that night and she shivered even through her jacket. 

He pulled her close to him almost like now wrapping her in his arms with his jacket around her, feeling her heat immerse around him. Her arms swaddled around his waist as they walked. He whispered jokes in her ear. Making her laugh so hard and so loud it earned them glares form people taking the tour way too seriously.

She was shivering now, and he found himself just wanting to keep her like this. He wanted to keep her close; he wanted her body stealing his body's heat, he wanted to hear her laugh and hold her when she cried. He wanted her and he fucked up.

"Let's go inside, I made some marshmallows before work." He whispered kissing the top of her head.

Janabelle relaxed slightly. They spoke in strange short hand, when he made marshmallows he made hot chocolate. He planned for her to come tonight. She was the only one he made marshmallows and hot chocolate for. She looked up at him she couldn't push the overwhelming since of rightness. She belonged in his arms, why did it have to be Gauge? Why couldn't any other boyfriend or lover make her feel this way? The way he searched her eyes now a mix of worry, hope and something else she was afraid to place. Her tongue peaked out moistening her lips.

Gauge dipped his head down slightly ready to catch her lips, but he pulled back. He needed to re-earn her trust before he tried to be more. He proved himself a bad friend and he knew if he pushed a relationship now she would always wonder when it was going to turn sour.

"Come on munchkin," he pulled her by the waist to his apartment. "I have a surprise." He pinched her sides trying to lighten the mood.

"No!" she gasped; she was the most ticklish person he had ever met, anywhere you touched her you could make her laugh. She elbowed his side, "you're such a jerk!" she tried not laugh as he retaliated poking her side then pulling her too close to move, to the point they could barely walk.

"Hop in the shower and I'll start the hot chocolate." He was standing behind her whispering in her ear, his arms were on either side of her as he unlocked the door. He pressed his body against hers.

"What about my surprise?" her voice was bright with excitement.

"Shower first," he gave her gentle nudge indoors.

Janabelle huffed and rolled her eyes, "yes daddy."

Gauge shivered despite the sarcasm in her voice, "ooh, love it when she calls me daddy." Janabelle laughed despite herself. Somehow Gauge always knew how to drain out tension and replace it with a strange easy going aura. 

The shower helped; maybe she was just over thinking what they were an d what they could be to each other. She sighed as she inhaled the steam mingled with the soap Gauge used. It was desperate but smelling like him helped her feel closer to him, it helped pretend that they were still the same or maybe closer. 

She stepped out letting out a rush of air. She felt a lot better, and the smell of melting chocolate and cream filled the apartment. She wondered what kind of marshmallows Gauge made. He never made just regular vanilla, always some strange combination, her favorite were the gingerbread. She pulled on one of his t-shirts and a pair of his boxers.

"You ready munchkin?" He called from the kitchen dropping the marshmallows into the mugs of steaming chocolate. He stopped when he saw her. Her hair was down just passed her shoulders making her eyes even bigger. Making her even more tempting. Her lips full and soft were turned up into a shy smile. He let out a breath; she looked a lot more relaxed, a lot more open, even more like his old Bella. Maybe he could get her back; he was going to make sure he earned it. 

She shrugged, "sure, so what's my surprise?" her voice shook as his eyes took her in. Gauge handed her the mugs making her nose twitch as she tried to guess the flavor mixed with the chocolate. He smiled as he pulled out a booklet of DVDs. 

"When did you get this?" It was volume two of DeathNote. She couldn't find it anywhere and now he was holding it waving it in her face like a bribe. It was her favorite anime cartoon. He shrugged as he moved to put it in his DVD player. 

"Come on, munchkin," he put it then pulled her to sit next to him, "have you guessed what flavor yet?" She sniffed as the cartoon started. Her stomach rumbled. 

"Gingerbread?" she could smell the ginger and spices but there was something she couldn't place and a bit of...coconut?

He laughed, "No, but close, taste it."

"Ummm," she tried to sip the scorching liquid but it was so good she burned her mouth drinking it down. "I give, what is it?" she looked up into his eyes; they seemed so bright in the dark. 

"Coconut chai," he leaned back on the couch taking in her admiration.

"It's so good, I think this is my new favorite." She mumbled as her eyes got heavy she barely got passed the opening before her body relaxed against his. He pulled the half finished mug from her kissing her forehead. He cradled her in his arms.

"I'm going to get you to trust me again; I'll never let you down like before." He murmured brushing his lips against her forehead as he heard her steady sleeping breath. She sighed and moved closer tightening her hold.

----

For the first time in her life Alexa took a cold shower, and still it didn't squelch the over whelming urges possessing her core. It was deeper than her skin, deeper than anything in her, she was on fire somewhere deep inside and it was spreading out.

Connor's words haunted her, echoing in her ears, "I only gave you what you wanted." It wasn't true! She couldn't want him, but she did. So bad it hurt, he's been soaking her panties for the past week without her so much as knowing anything but his name. She wasn't that girl. She wasn't some sex pot ready for a good time. She never wanted anyone like this before, she never wanted anyone period. She usually just had sex out of obligation and it was always awkward and painful, the last time being the most. She rubbed her wrist absently. 

Marcus was only the second guy she had real sex with, so this wasn't her! Tears burned her already soar eyes but she refused to let them fall. She cried enough tonight. Any pressure on her panties reminded her of Connor's fingers accomplishing what not even hers could on the rare occasion she explored that area of her body. 

Alexa crawled in bed, groaning as her panties brushed her sensitive...ugh she couldn't even think the word. That's how much of a prude she was. So why had Connor of all people unleashed that part of her? That part that; if she were honest she would admit she worried she would never find. Marcus drained what little sexual desire she had, then she came cross a set of blue eyes and ridiculously hot body belonging to some two bit street thug.

She tried to push away the memory of how his finger twirled inside of her, working her into a frenzy. She lay on her stomach hoping the pressure would weigh down the butterflies fluttering in every part of her body, demanding Connor. She pressed her hand to her lips to prevent making another noise due to him. 

Her hand still pulsed with the warm heavy feel of him. He was so smooth and soft and rigid. She pressed the tips of her fingers to her lips kissing the memory. What would it be like to kiss him there? Would he moan and hiss? Would he surge down her throat? Her face burned in shame with the direction her thoughts were taking her, but they wouldn't stop, barreling down her with the weight and speed of an on coming train. It propelled her to the thought of going downstairs and letting Connor feed her hungry curiosity. 

Would he still? After she slapped him? The palm of her hand instantly throbbed with awareness. She kissed her palm imagining she was kissing the print her palm made on his cheek. "I'm sorry," she whispered shakily into the night. She was sorry, but too afraid of herself and of him to go down and say so. She knew what would happen if she did. She would 

touch it and kiss it in an offering of peace and...No!!! I can't think about that! I can't think about him. I don't think I can face him again, she conceded. 

Her hands itched to trace down his body again. Alexa tapped her fingers on her pillow like she had done along Connor's chest then traced further down like she had his stomach. 

"No," she murmured turning on her side and curling into a tight ball. She pulled tighter and tighter into herself until her stomach gave a spasm of protest. She stared into the night chewing her lip refusing to think about how Connor's lips felt as he coaxed her into a kiss or how warm and beautiful his eyes were as his mouth brushed, sucked and bit her. She couldn't stop the shudders taunting her. 

"Connor," she called quietly to the cause and only relief of this strange new torture. 

----

Okay so maybe he moved a little too fast, so what? That's what he did, when he saw an opening he took it. Alexa was defiantly open. He went for it and he wasn't about to feel bad about that. He wasn't about to feel guilty and he wasn't going to keep playing these fucking head games, with Alexa or his sister. 

Alexa was lucky that he was too tired and drained to go upstairs and teach her a lesson about being a cock tease. He laughed at himself as he stretched out on the couch, he didn't even believe him. Guilt pushed through his machismo. He let out a trembling breath pushing his hair back with both hands. His curls tickled his large palms. 

Alexa was a hurt vulnerable girl trying to be a tough strong woman. Anyone could see the doubt and fear in her 

eyes if they bothered to look passed their unusual color, or her bad temper. If she had been anyone else he wouldn't have 

taken advantage of her like that. Yeah she was right when she accused him. He turned a moment of genuine tenderness and friendship and turned it into something else. Something that was probably dark and scary for her. What if-a sudden thought occurred to him, draining the blood from his face, dowsing his body in chill. He closed his eyes, his Adam's apple bobbing as it searched to moisten his dry throat. He couldn't push out the frightening thought. What if that asshole raped her? The word was harsh and ugly ringing in his head. He didn't want to think rape. It was always a hard word to hear let a lone say. He had to say it a lot in his work; he had to deal with it a lot. Most tried to soften the word by whispering it like taboo gossip, others avoided it completely using synonyms like assaulted, attacked, taken advantage of...he winced at the last. His stomach started to turn as he imagined images of bloody and bruised Alexa curling into that tight ball he witnessed earlier, crying for help. His limbs started shaking, his face warming, and his heart beat faster, if he found out that, that punk ass mother fucker-he couldn't finish the thought. He knew if he did he would go up to her room and make her tell him what happened. This would probably scare her all over again. He closed his eyes and eased his breathing fighting the impulse to go to her, his whole body trembled with the effort.

She hated him and he deserved it. She was about to trust him, she was softening towards him. He just had to taste those soft pouty lips, he had to pull her into his arms and feel his arms around her. He shouldn't have, he should have instead let that small seed of peace grow in to what could have been a friendship. A frail friendship, but friendship all the same.




As It Seems Ch. 06



It didn't matter that he meant to make her feel better. It didn't matter that he wanted to reassure himself that she was going to be okay, it didn't matter he sighed. He ruined it because he couldn't control himself.

Even now he wanted to go upstairs and do something, he didn't know what. What could he have done? He'd already fucked up with her so often he didn't bother to count. 

Connor sat up pulling on a t-shirt and a hoodie. He needed a smoke, needed fresh air; he needed to get away from the haunting memories of Alexa on the floor crying, begging him not to hurt her, like she probably did with that Marcus Mother Fucker; that's the name Connor christened him. And if ever the two should meet Connor was going to baptize that asshole.

He needed to take a walk and figure out this mess he called a life. Maybe he'd be able to figure out why his sister lied to him and why he was so willing to believe the poison she fed him about Alexa; or Ally isn't that what his sister called her? Why hadn't he figured it out before, why couldn't he see through Jen's brittle lies? What reason did she have?

Maybe Jen wasn't completely lying. It was quite possible that Alexa was the person Jen accused her to be. Maybe he misunderstood what Jen was telling him. Or maybe this whole situation was absurd and he wouldn't think about it till he could get everyone in the same room and figure out what was going on.

The air was cold making him huddle into himself. He cupped his hands around his lighter while lighting his cigarette. He inhaled deep letting the nicotine convince his body it was calm. The wind shrieked through leaves leaving them rustling in protest. Connor looked up at the sky, seeing it through the haze of his smoke. His eyes narrowed towards the stars, looking for the answers of questions he didn't know to ask. 

Did any of this matter any way? He was going to move on soon. His business with Melendez was almost over he could feel it. There was a tightening in his chest and a certain anxiety that told him it was almost time. Connor knew he had to be careful now was not the time for family drama. He pulled the smoking from his lips exhaling watching the different shapes it created as it snaked its way to the heavens. His shoulders were heavy with the responsibility of what could happen if he fucked this up. He already did once and J. Doe ended up in the hospital. At least that's what he called her, it was better that way; better that no one could trace her to him. 

Connor frowned as he felt his pocket vibrate. He cursed as he fumbled for it. He glanced at the lit up face of his phone. 

Geeks

"Connor," he answered with long sigh wondering what the hell the geeks could want with him. 

He worked with the Geeks a lot, they were a bunch of computer hackers and gadget nerds, but they always supplied him with best shit. When they all worked together they were called The Freaks and Geeks. Connor worked as a freak someone who was just outside of society's standards, him and a few others, mostly ex-military biker types and some just guys who looked like trouble incarnate. The Geeks were slightly freakish too, just a little more expectable to society. Young, mostly just out of ITT Tech schools and shit, or kids who were caught in illegal activity and cut a deal.

"What's bangin' O'Connor?" Connor smiled despite himself when heard Terry's voice. Terry was a joker didn't take anything too seriously, a cool kid who made everyone around him crack up with his lame jokes and those fucking scull caps he wore.

"S'up man?" the tension in his neck and shoulders relaxed slightly, he wasn't alone in this. He had to remember that; that made it a lot easier.

"Just checkin' dude The Geeks were getting freaked out over our favorite freak." Terry laughed at his joke and Connor shook his head, he wanted laugh just cause it was so stupid.

"Not much is happening right now. Melendez is having us lay low after the cops got the tip off of our last shipment."

"Sweet so maybe, you can stop buy for some of our new toys, oh and Re-run wants to borrow your bike."

"What the fuck for?" he yelled into the phone.

"Hey chill man, I'm just the messenger, so bring it next time you come by we have to hook it up and shit."

"Fuck you didckwad I didn't say yes." So much for that tension releasing.

"Common O'Connor be a team player." He could hear terry trying not to laugh. 

"Fuck you!" 

"Is that what I have to do to get the bike cause I don't think I signed up for that." 

Connor let out breath ignoring the bark of laugher itching in his throat. He could imagine Terry frowning like he was deep in thought, trying to remember what all his job entailed, and if it did include fucking Connor. Connor couldn't laugh he had to hold it, his eyes teared with the effort, he had to hang up. Instead he went behind a building leaning against the cool brick.

"And if it was part of my job description, I'm not sure how I'd feel about that, don't get me wrong for a dude you're kina hot, I do have a thing for blondes with big blue eyes....but ....you're not quite what I had in mind I was thinking maybe slimmer, big boobs, nice legs and had a pussy for me to eat-" God Damn it he cracked he let out burst of laughter so loud terry pulled the phone from his ear. 

"You win you little prick," Connor huffed wiping the tears from his eyes. The unwritten rule of The Freaks and Geeks was who ever laughed first lost the argument. It was silly but it helped with all the tension that could build up. 

"Hey! I take offense!"

"Offence this asshole." Connor hung up. His spirits lifted enough to go back to the house. He was going to try really hard to get along with Alexa if it killed both of them.



As It Seems Ch. 07



Thank you all for your patience, I plan to submit more regularly since things in my world have calmed down some, so thank you again and enjoy!

©Chapter 7

Alexa didn't know how long she lay furled in the tight ball or how long she stared into the darkness biting her finger. She could not let thoughts of Conner manipulate her body anymore. She faced the window blankly watching the dark skylight turn into a sickly depressing gray. 

She always hated the transition from night to morning it was the loneliest time of day. The world around her waking up and she was curled into a pathetic ball, her body craving a man she couldn't have, a man who ran like the Texas winter hot and cold with a blink an eye.

Her knees pulled closer to her breasts her hands under her cheek. She traded her finger for her lip and chewing until she tasted blood. Why him of all the men on earth, why was it him? She thought back to the handful of time she had sex with Markus. The first time he hurt her she thought she saw pride in his eyes like hurting her was a testament to his manhood. She shuddered, after that he seemed to always want it she did everything to avoid being with him; arguing, crying, bullying, anything. He tried the same tactics to get her in bed again. 

Would Connor be like that? Would he feel like more of a man if he hurt her? Something deep inside her said no. She closed her eyes against the first rays of sunlight. The bright light warmed her melting away some of the loneliness some of the frustration of not being a complete woman even some of the anger from last night. 

She sat up pulling her knees and resting her cheek on them, watching the birds nesting in the tree across from her window. She smiled sadly wondering if birds ever didn't want to be birds? Do they fly to out run who and what they are? Would she ever be OK in her own skin? Was the past always going to stain her making her doubt and fear everyone and everything?

Alexa could usually push thoughts like that out of her head. She pushed them to the back of her mind like an unwanted Christmas gift, like so many thoughts and memories. She could even feel memories of her mommy try to break out to the surface and those thoughts were so far back they never saw the light of day. All because some asshole showed her what release was. She never anticipated that something like an orgasm could open the floodgates to so many questions and fears and worst of all, scariest of all hope. 

She turned her head away from the window staring at the cell phone vibrating and singing to her. She laughed softly a surprising half sob half giggle as the lyrics caught her attention.

I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so  I've got your picture, I've got your picture I'd like a million of them all 'round my cell I want the doctor to take your picture So I can look at you from inside as well You've got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning 'round

"Fucking Jana," she muttered answering. "You bitch!"

"What?" Janice sounded surprised and a little distracted.

"I think I'm a turning Japanese? Really Janabelle?"

"You think you are what?-Ohh-Ohh-yeah, sorry." By the giggle on the other end of the phone Alexa was sure her friend wasn't sorry about it at all.

"Why that song?"

"Payback," she could see Bella shrugging on the other end of the phone.

"What for?"

"That crack you made about all the japanime I watch."

"Look bitch, I was just warning you of all the dangers associated with watching so many of those cartoons. I don't want you crying to me if you wake as Sailor Moon or something." Alexa said laughing as she left the bed to sit by the window, "besides isn't that song about…" She couldn't bring herself to say it. It also didn't help when an image of Connor working his fingers in her burned itself in her mind.

"Masturbation?" Janabelle laughed pulling Alexa from the constant path of her thoughts.

"Well yeah," she mumbled feeling the heat rise I her cheeks as she covered her face.

"Nope, it's about a guy obsessing over a picture of his ex." 

Alexa snorted, "You would know something like that."

"Whatever chick, I was just calling to let you know I'll be over in about ten minutes."

"Okay, oh will you ask Gauge if he wants to have game night here. He can cook or we can order in." She really just didn't want to be left alone with Connor-Nathan what the fuck ever he wanted to call himself, and game night would be perfect. Game night usually turned into a slumber party, not that Gauge would leave her alone with Connor if asked him to stay. 

Alexa noted Bella's silence; she pulled the phone away from her to make sure she was still on the line. "Bella?"

"I-um-I can't-I'm not with Gauge I-"Bella cleared her throat, "I went home."

"Why?" Alexa was confused Janabelle spent as much time away from home as possible, especially weekends, mostly with Gauge. "Was your dad home?" She asked softly a chill running up her back when she heard a noise on the other end; she assumed it was a nod. "Bella," she gave a chastising sigh, "Are you okay?"

No answer just the sound of Bella's deep quickening breath, "Bella are you alright?" She asked again a desperate panic making her voice harsh and breathy.

"Yes," the answer was soft and simple, so small and sweet, so like the girl who answered. The lie hung heavy between the two friends straining the silence. Alexa heard a click on the other end of the call; it was obviously an incoming call on Bella's end. She wondered if it was Gauge checking in on her. Alexa wasn't sure what happened between those two, neither would tell her. She knew it had to be pretty big for Janabelle to prefer to be home alone with her Dad.

"I'll see you in a few," Bella tried to sound cheerful but her voice was heavy and sad. 

"See you," Alexa said absently to the dial tone. She sat in the widow watching the breeze ruffle tree leaves pulling the weaker ones from the comfort of their home while the stronger seemed to reach out trying to grab hold keeping them in place. Her eyes trailed down the tree, she didn't want to think about loss or trying to hold on, she didn't want to think. 

Her eyes narrowed then widened at the large figure hunching under the tree wearing a black skull cap, his blonde curls peaking out from underneath. The darkness of the cap made the blonde more pronounced, how many women asked her to create that color for them, or curls like that. She laughed at herself, as her hand throbbed instantly. No, she wouldn't be creating colors or curl for anyone anytime soon or possibly ever again. 

She pulled her wrist close to her heart; she might not be able to do much in general. She thought with a long sigh, her heart and pulse humming a beat through her body. 

She tried to turn her gaze but she couldn't, she could see his eyes squinting as smoke danced up; she could even still see the aggressive blue his eyes took on. She wondered what he was thinking about, she wondered if she could ever face him, and those brilliant eyes. Alexa took her time studying him, his long straight nose flaring slightly now and red like the sharp angles of his cheeks. His full pink lips pursed to accept the cigarette, there was a certain masculine grace as he brought it to his lips, his hand almost cupping his mouth, and then pulling it way after a long drag. He let out a long exhale pushing the poison out only to breath it back in. She watched this tango for she didn't know how long. He seemed on edge, constantly scanning his surroundings like he expected someone or something to show up. He wouldn't "work" here with her and the kids, maybe he wouldn't care that she was there but the kids he wouldn't do that…would he? 

She didn't think so. She couldn't seem to find any bad thoughts about him, despite last night and that scared her, he scared her. She watched his shoulders hunch as another bout of wind cut through the air; he shook off the cold like a dog shaking off the rain, making her laugh. She was so caught up in watching Connor she almost missed the tiny knock at her door. She frowned in thought it couldn't be Janabelle, she would have seen her coming besides Janabelle would have stopped to talk to Connor. She went to the door thinking about the numerous conversations Janabelle started with complete strangers and she was sure Connor wouldn't be an exception. 

Alexa squealed with happiness when she saw her little man rubbing sleep from his eyes, It was so early in the morning she didn't even consider either of the kids being awake. "Baby!" she got on her knees pulling him into a tight hug, feeling absurd as tears sprung into her eyes. "Oh I missed you so much," she pulled back to study him inspecting to see how he changed in the two weeks since she last saw him. She recognized him; he was almost the splitting image of Connor. Her heart fluttered at the thought, "I missed you too," his voice was so small he sounded so hurt, "why haven't you come to see me?" she could hear the tears in his voice and it broke her heart.

"I-" she couldn't tell him the truth he was so small and innocent, he shouldn't be in the middle of adult arguments no matter how juvenile they were. "C'mon sweetie lets get some breakfast." She said barely able to control the trimmer in her voice. 

They went down stairs hand in hand, she wanted to pick him up swinging him in her arms, and her wrist protested the thought. 

"So why don't you want to see us anymore? Mommy says-"Alexa tensed wondering what kind of poison his mommy was spreading, she knew it was bad because he paused and wouldn't look her in the eye and he was reluctant to continue. He took a deep breath and she squeezed his hand tenderly letting her love flow into him. "She says you're selfish and you're only using us to make her mad." Alexa shouldn't have been surprised or hurt it wasn't the first time Jenny used the kids against her. If Jennifer was good at nothing else it was manipulating those around her. Alexa wondered what could have happened to Jenny to make her so…hateful. "She says you can't love us because we are part of her and if you hate her then you have to hate us." His childish voice and logic sounding way beyond his years. 

Alexa thought of when David introduced her to the family. How excited she was to have a sister; someone she could talk to confide in someone who would understand what it was like to be crushed by the family's good intentions. Alexa was happy for the sudden shift in the balance of power three against two, because David was just as bad as Papa when it came to protecting the women in the family. Jennifer was supposed to be an ally, Mama Hadrian hate Jennifer when she first saw her and Papa kept his opinion to himself. But Alexa was too excited to see the gleam or malice excreting from Jen's aura.

Alexa sighed sadly, what should she say? She knew how it felt to not think you were good or worthy because you were half of someone else. How many times had she wondered if her mother's destiny was in her blood, how many times had she wondered if she would share the same fate? Is that what Daniel worried about? Was he worried he would be like his mother, try as Alexa might to save him from the negativity he lived here, he was a perceptive watchful little boy.

"Your mommy is…" she tried to search for the right words some sort of middle ground without turning Jenny into a bad person in her child's eyes. "Jenny-your mommy-shouldn't tell you things like that-"

"Lady who the fuck do you think you are!" She jumped out of her skin when she heard the door slam and Connor's voice spit fire. "Who the fuck are you to tell my sister's kid-"

"Who the fu-who do you think you are yelling at me and listening to a conversation that has nothing to do with you!" She stood her voice even. She stepped in front of Daniel, to shield him, protect him from Connor's anger. 

"Go upstairs," She turned slightly to assure Daniel was okay. He looked scared and she wanted to reach out and tell him it was okay, but she didn't trust turning away from Connor. 

"Now!" Connor barked his eyes never leaving Alexa's. Daniel stood slowly; he didn't want to leave his Zia. He didn't know his uncle Nathan that well, he seemed nice, but now he was scared for his Ann-Alley, that's what he called her before he learned to say Zia. Would His uncle hurt her like that last boyfriend she had? What should he do? Call his dad? Call His Nonno Joe?

"Don't raise your voice to him!" Alexa growled, "Go upstairs Daniel." She said again offering him a reassuring rub on the back as he got up. He was a big boy; he kept thinking to keep his lip from trembling. He was a big boy and he would go make sure Clara was okay. On his way he heard Alexa's phone singing, "hey squirt where's your auntie?" He sobbed relief when he heard Gauge's voice. "What's up kid?" Gauge tried to sound calm; Daniel crying was a big deal. He called to see if Janabelle was over there, since she wasn't answering his calls. He pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans while Daniel calmed down enough to tell him what happened. "Did your uncle hurt Alexa?"

"N-no-I-don't know they just yelling, n-now," he sniffled.

"Don't worry squirt, I'm on my way, stay on the phone okay." Daniel nodded, "you know I was gonna make pizza for dinner tonight did you want to help me." Gauge searched for neutral topics of conversation to keep Daniel on the phone and calm.

"Y-yeah, that's my zia's favorite."

"I know, don't worry kid." Gauge said ask he started his car.

Janabelle knocked on the door, no answer. She rang the bell, no answer. She pulled out the key David made for her when she was Alexa's primary caretaker after her wrist was broken. Bella knocked one more time, she hated using the key, jenny always got pissed no matter how many times Bella knocked or wrung the door bell. Bella knew what type of person Jenny was and after Alexa's wrist was broken proved it. Janabelle would come by to help take care of her and she would have to wait outside for God knows how long; once for an hour. And when she called to see if anything was wrong Jenny picked up saying that Alexa wasn't there and that she forgot her phone. Then Jenny would turn around and tell Alexa that Bella never showed or called. 

She didn't know what was wrong with Jenny or why she did stuff like that, maybe it was to get attention. She seemed like one of those girls who had everything but wanted more, mostly more drama. She'd say anything; do anything to get the proverbial spotlight put on her. Janabelle frowned at the door. Did she just hear screaming? What the hell?

She rushed into what sounded like World War III. 

"Fuck you! You don't know not one Goddamn thing about this family! How the hell are you going to come in here and tell me anything! I've been here! Where have you been?" she heard Alexa ranting. It was hard to tell where the noise was coming from, the shouting vibrating through the house making pictures on the wall rattle and creating ominous echoes.

"Fuck you too, sweetheart! And I know enough, who the fuck do you think you are contradicting that boy's mother!" Bella jumped at the power and heat behind the second voice. Holy hell this was trouble. She wished she hadn't snuck out of Gauge's apartment last night. She wished he was there with her. She took a deep breath and determined the shouting was coming from the kitchen.

If it wasn't scary it would have been funny. Alexa standing nose to chest with some giant glaring up at him her finger jabbing at him, said giant's finger pointing in her face.

"Maybe if his mother wasn't a trifling instigator, but why am I talking to a no good street thug like you? Why would I be surprised that Jenny would have an asshole like you in her family, you are all a perfect fucking match-" 

"Whoa!" Janabelle jumped between them, nope not so funny anymore. She couldn't remember the last time Alexa lit into someone like that. "Back up!"

Connor glared down at the little girl pushing him and Alexa to separate corners. Who the fuck was she? He was about demand when he took a good look at her. She had a sweet open brown face. Her eyes were large almond saucers dominating her features. She gently pushed him away. He didn't know why he listened or why he let this little girl take over, he wondered if it was because he didn't see judgment. Funny how something so small as indiscrimination could move him. She didn't come in accusing or yelling, she just diffused the bomb of their argument. Connor walked away, brushing passed a tall skinny kid, staring at the three of them. 

Alexa was shaking, she couldn't recall being so angry, so frustrated and…so wrong. She hated herself for the things she said to him. She ignored it but she witnessed the flicker of hurt spark his eyes. She crossed her arms over her chest to try and control her shivering and to protect herself from the pair of eyes staring at her. 

"Are you okay?" Janabelle asked quietly, and Alexa nodded moving to stand in front of the kitchen window. She let out a shaky sigh as she splashed her face with cool water. 

"You want to tell me what that was about?" Bella asked nodding her head to Gauge, silently telling him to check on the other victim of the argument offering him a grateful smile.

Alexa shrugged, she didn't trust her voice not to quiver. She bit her lip; she had to check on the kids. She knew if Clara wasn't awake before the fight she had to be awake now. She should have walked away from him, but he came in yelling and accusing her of turning Daniel against his mother. What was she supposed to do?

"I better-I better check on the kids." Flinching away form Jana belle's comforting touch. 

Connor stood outside clutching his empty cigarette pack. He was still fuming; he should ring her fucking neck. What the fuck did she know about him or his family? Apparently more than he did. She was right, he hadn't been around, he didn't know anything about his family. And in turn his family didn't know anything about him, they didn't want to. They wrote him off he was a ghost, they didn't understand what he did, what he was doing, they didn't want to. They didn't want any fucking part of him, and as much as he tried to convince himself other wise it hurt. 

Alexa saw that weakness and ripped into it. He wanted to blame her, to hate her but he couldn't. He witnessed the instant regret beneath the fire of her eyes. 

"Hey, man need a smoke?" that tall skinny kid he brushed passed a few seconds ago offered him one.

Connor eyed him wearily, before accepting, "thanks," He muttered nodding slightly as the kid offered him a light. They stood huddled in their own space for a few moments, neither one wanting or needing to make the effort to speak. Connor should have found it awkward or disturbing, if he were normal he would have. But he spent a great deal of time in stranger situations. They each just stood in their silent comradery. 

Connor studied the kid. He was tall and lanky with long dark hair falling just passed his ears. He also had big round slate colored eyes. They were actually girl pretty, but there was a threatening toughness that lay underneath. He was sure guys took that girl prettiness for granted and ended up paying for it in the end. The kid had an honest face and his ears were decorated with spacer piercings in the lobe allowing Connor to see the world behind them. 

The kid was obviously a skater, wearing a white thermal under his red t-shirt and pair tight black jeans with a chain holding his wallet. The kid studied him too openly curious, as though trying to figure something out. Connor felt naked under his gaze and forced him self not to fidget. He forced himself to remain cool and detached, and then the kid did something he never expected. He broke into a wide goofy grin, reminding him of The Geek Terry. He could see that he, just like Terry could brighten or make a joke out of any situation.




As It Seems Ch. 07



"You know you're not really part of the family until you fight with Alley." he said easily, exhaling the drag he took from his own cigarette. Connor let out a burst of laughter; it was more from relief than anything being funny.

"So I'm not the only motherfucker huh?" 

"Man fuck no! You know when I first met Alexa if we got with in six feet of each other we'd spit and snarl, I'm Gauge by the way." He offered his hand, and Connor took it. 

"Connor," he replied easily, feeling the calming affects of his smoke and easy company.

"If you tell anyone this I'll deny it, But Alley is one scary broad. Once me and Bella-"

"Bella?" Connor looked towards the house that had to be the cute little girl who jumped between them. Gauge confirmed it and Connor noted the softness he took on as he talked about her. 

"Anyway any time we go out with Alexa there is a fight, the first time I called myself trying to stop some asshole from dragging her out of the club. I was all the way on the other side; right? So…" Gauge's eyes were bright with humor and his hands were animated while he told Connor how Alexa walked away from the Asshole and he grabbed her bringing her back and she flipped him over her shoulder and broke his hand. Connor winced recalling last night, he admitted to himself he was more than a little sore.

After the story they were both wiping tears from their eyes, but soon Gauge's eyes turned serious. "I won't ask you what the fight was about, but I'll tell you that Alexa is a cool chick once you give her chance. She only fights for what she cares about. She hasn't been the same since her arm was broken…I know she's tough and fuckin' scary as hell but…just give her a chance." Gauges put out his smoke and pat Connor on the back before going inside. There was a glint in Gauge's eye, "Just so you know if I thought you hurt her I'd rip your fucking throat out." He said it so easily and with such a genuine smile Connor believed him, which somehow made him like Gauge more.

Gauge's words swirled in his mind like the smoke from his cigarette. Fuckin' Alexa! He thought. He didn't understand the effect she had on him and he didn't want to, he just wanted his pre-Alexa life back, fuck he's settle for having a life.

Alexa sat on the bed next to Daniel and Clara. Daniel was holding Clara close petting her head telling her it was alright, his face chubby little boy cheeks were stained red. 

"C'mere," she said softly to both of them. She cradled them close Clara on her lap hiding her cherub face in Alexa's breast and Daniel holding her waist staring at the wall. "I'm sorry you guys heard me and Con-your uncle fighting. I know it was probably scary, but sometimes grown ups-well sometimes grown-ups are silly and yell at each other when we can't agree."

"I'm sorry Alley; I didn't mean to get you in trouble with Uncle Nathan."

"No, honey it wasn't-" she sighed she needed to figure out to get along with Connor, at least in front of the kids, " you have nothing to be sorry about. C'mon let's go downstairs Gauge and Bella are here, let's see if we can get Gauge to make us some waffles!" Alexa laughed when the kids jumped up perking at the thought of breakfast, like the last twenty minutes never happened.

Alexa pulled out her cell phone starting her morning ritual. "Hey, Dad it's me, I was just calling to let you know I'm awake and I don't have any plans for the day, I haven't dressed yet and Gauge, Janabelle and jenny's brother Co-Nathan are here. Umm I guess I'll talk to you later on today, love you papa bye." Okay that was done. She debated changing out of her sleep clothes but she was just going to take a shower when Janabelle was finished with her anyway, so she just put on a jean skirt under her sleeping shirt. 

She could already smell the batter for waffles. "Okay folks I'm taking requests," Gauge said with his usual boyish smile as he wiped his hands on a dish rag. Somehow she and Connor were able to keep the peace during breakfast, mostly because they didn't talk to each other. But Gauge and Bella both noticed the looks they shot when they thought the other wasn't looking. Bella nudged Gauge's ribs when Alexa was reaching for a glass high in the cabinet; she nodded her head in Connor's direction. He was watching the steady climb of Alexa's skirt up her thighs, before he got up to reach it for her. 

Alexa's breath caught as she felt the heat of Connor's body pressing against her. His gaze penetrated her; his breath caressed her ear making her lean back into him. Being this close to him shouldn't be so comforting, shouldn't be so right. Maybe if she felt like this for Marcus…

He felt her body relax then tense against him. He wondered what she was thinking when he saw the flash of hurt and uncertainty darken her eyes.

"Thank you," she murmured clutching the glass he offered and ducking away. He reached out a hand to her then pulled it away, he turned leaning his back against the sink watching her interact with her friends and the kids. She was completely different. Laughing, loving, tender, she wiped Clara's face and hands, she kissed Daniel's cheek and gave him a hug every once in a while calling him teddy bear. His eyebrows rose at the nick name but he didn't want to question it; worried it would cause yet another argument.

"You can go now, I can handle the kids by myself." She dismissed him easily.

"What?" He frowned shaking his thoughts from his head. 

"I said you can go. I'm sure you have other stuff to do." Gauge and Bella sighed pulling the kids with them into the living room. 

"You're dismissing me?" He scoffed folding his arms across your chest.

"No," she said evenly crossing her own arms, "It's just obvious family isn't your first priority, and I'm also sure the last thing you want is play uncle to your estranged niece and nephew." She didn't mean it to come out like that, she really did try to start off nice but it just didn't happen that way.

"So tell me Alexa," he smiled dangerously, slinking towards her with false calm she didn't like the way he said her name just then, like he knew every desire she was afraid to admit she had for him. She saw the coolness of his eyes and shivered "what else could I be doing?" he was leaning down nose to nose. She wasn't going to let him know how his closeness affected her. She met his gaze.

"Is my car ready yet?" 

"No"

"Maybe you should go and fix it." She put her hands on his chest to push him away, but he held them to him.

"The parts aren't in," he leaned his lips a breath away his voice a gentle whisper. Her breathing quickened as she tried to pull away, she couldn't he held her firm.

"Fix it anyway," he laughed his lips curving into the sexiest smile, she knew how absurd she sounded but she didn't care she wanted him to go away, wanted this feeling of need to go away. 

"Why do you really want me to leave…Alley?" The sound of her nickname sounded foreign and sinister on his lips.

"I-I don't I just know you have other-"he pulled her closer his lips brushing against hers pulling out a strangled moan. His mouth touched the very edge of hers. "Don't." she whispered, making a lie of her protest turning into his lips. He held himself steady not wanting to lean in. She had to want this; she had to set the tone. Her hands gripped his jacket, holding on to him like he was the only one that could save her from drowning. His arms wrapped around her pulling her closer, crushing her to him. Her mouth was curious over his, playing with different pressures, her tongue shy and tentative exploring his mouth. She jumped pulling away almost falling if he didn't catch her when his phone vibrated angrily in his pocket. She stared wide eyed then looked away, jumping when he reached out to her. 

"Connor," he murmured still lost to her. He eyed her while he listened on the other end, his eyes narrowing then looking away. 

"Yeah, I can do that, yeah I leave the shop early on Saturdays…yeah the weekend mechanic came back…kay man thanks bye."

Alexa watched him cautiously before turning her back to him. "Th-that sounded important…you should go." Her voice trembled with overwhelming emotion. What possessed her to kiss him, especially after last night; after he-her head hung lower in confusion and frustration. She spent the entire night worrying about how to face him, how to get around him and here she was in the exact same situation. Okay maybe not the exact same…

He saw the battle in her eyes he saw the memory of last night taint her skin the sweetest rose. He trapped her between the sink, his arms on either side of her peering close. He swore he could hear her heart race and blood flow.

He was going to reach for her again but stopped himself when she edged away. Connor was struck by the beauty of her vulnerability; by the violence and passion in her. Even if he wanted to go to her, touch her…kiss her; he couldn't he was trapped by her. 

"Alley, are you ready?" Janabelle's softness filtered through the tension offering silent comfort for each of them. 

"Will you tell Jerome hello, for me?" Bella asked easily. She was good; he almost didn't know that she was brushing him off.

"Sure, I might be late getting back…there's some stuff I gotta take care of-" he was talking more to Bella, since he was sure both Bella and Gauge would be here when he got back.

Alexa snorted, "I bet." She folded her arms across her chest and shaking her head smiling bitterly.

"Are we going to start that shit again?" He demanded folding his own arms.

"Children!" Bella laughed giving Connor a hug while pushing him out the door.

"Bye Bells," he said laughing himself, her laughter was as contagious as Alexa's anger. No wonder Gauge was in love with her. He thought as she kissed his cheek and told him to be careful. Why couldn't Alexa be like that? 

Connor cursed himself for getting distracted. Didn't he have enough on his plate without adding this shit? He revved his bike the loud rolling purr helping drown his thoughts. It was time to play. He thought losing the fight against taking one last look back at the house. He shook his head clearing his thoughts. He had to forget about everything over the passed few days and focus on Melendez, he knew he was on his way up the chain, he couldn't blow it too much time had been wasted already and too many people depended on him.

Alexa stared at her wrist on the table preparing herself for all of Bella's probing, physical and mental. She heard Bella wetting and heating towels. She didn't look up when she sat in front of her holding her hands out for Alexa.

She winced sucking in a deep breath as Bella wrapped her wrist in the hot cloth. She knew it was coming but she still stiffened when Bella asked "So what was that about?"

Alexa shrugged and hissed as Bella massaged oil into her skin, fuck that hurt! It was worse than the other day when Connor grabbed her. 

"What was what about?" she asked vaguely fidgeting in her seat as flashing pain made her voice tremble with tears. She fought the urge to pull away.

Janabelle studied her long and hard as her hands kneaded Alexa's arm in deep petrisage movements. "Alexa-"

"What? Nothing is going on with me and Connor." She turned her face away pulling her arm out of Bella's grasp. Bella pulled it back used to this tug of war, if she saw Marcus again…Bella wouldn't let herself finish the thought, she couldn't let herself get angry while doing this. She was feeling for disfigurements and abnormal growths. 

"I didn't say anything about Connor." She said with a sly smile.

Alexa glared at her, "You didn't have to."

"Fine if you don't want to talk-"

"But we do need to talk," Alexa's voice was soft and strained as the massage went deeper. She could feel it penetrate the weakened bone. She met Bella's guarded black gaze. "What happened to you last night?"

"Nothing," she shrugged getting up to wet and heat another wet towel.

"Belle…" alexa bit her lip wondering if she should say what was on her mind, Janabelle paused but didn't look back. She could feel Alexa's struggle.

"Just say it."

"You know if you need help…some place to stay-"

"I know what you're thinking but it had nothing to do with me asking for help." Her voice was a breathless agitated whisper.

"No it's about you trying to solve everyone else's problems so you can ignore your own. It's about you putting yourself at risk out of some twisted obligation-"

"Don't-"Bella's voice was raspy and heavy

"You can't hold back your life to take care of him. He's had his chance to make something of himself, he's had his chance to live and make his mistakes-"

"Stop-"

"I would if I didn't love you-"

"Bullshit!" Belle snorted through her tears, "you are doing the same thing avoiding your own problems trying to solve mine; you don't how I feel no one scooped me up and came to my rescue." Janabelle couldn't believe the words even as they came out of her mouth. She turned to look at Alexa and instantly felt sorry.

Alexa smiled sadly, she knew she was lucky. If papa Joe hadn't found her hiding in her mother's closet she shuddered at the thought of what that asshole would have done to her.

"Alexa-I didn't-"

"It's okay, your right, I'm lucky-but so are you. Help didn't come as early for you but it came and it's here, you just have to take it." Alexa got up hugging Janabelle, "it's okay if you don't want to talk I just wish you had a little more faith in your friends." She said before heading upstairs, "I'm going to take a shower."

"You know I have to massage it again later you should probably wear your brace for a little while."

"Yeah I know," she nodded smiling sadly. She knew her arm wasn't going to get any better any time soon. It was a strange time to make her peace with it. Maybe she should stay with her Mommy H until she could figure herself out, and she could give her apartment to Janabelle. She might take it if she thought she was doing Alexa a favor.

It could work she thought as she tried to ignore the shooting pain running up her shoulder and down her back. Mommy H was a nurse so she could help her with her arm. The only catch was Alexa had to tell her about it which meant she'd have to tell her Dad too…Oh god how was she going to explain hiding something like that. 

Papa was a reasonable logical man except when it came to his princess. He became…well there were no words other than psycho at the thought of her hurt or getting hurt. Mommy H usually had to step in and calm him down. 

Gauge glared at Bella from the kitchen door. He had the kids playing with some toys in the living room and he caught the end of Bella and Alexa's argument. He couldn't believe she was taking her anger at him out on Alexa. He waited all morning to talk to her, about last night, about them; he wasn't going to let her keep avoiding the truth.

"That was unfair-" he said trapping her in the same place Connor had Alexa before. Bella jumped feeling Gauge so close. She could hear the whisper of anger in his voice.

``````

"Hey man," Jerome bellowed over the growl of Connor's bike. 

"S'up," he mumbled shaking the man's hand.

"You know you didn't have to work today?" Jerome gave him a pat on the back as they walked.

"I know, but I wanted to see if the parts came for Alexa's car. Plus it was on my way to meet up with Mackey."

"Cool…so how's it coming? Alexa's car I mean." Although Jerome was the way into Melendez he didn't want to know any of the dealings. He wanted his shop to stay clean and try as he might most young dudes now days wanted a more tangible income than a mechanic's salary. If they asked him he'd tell them who to meet, but he was clear about keeping that "trash" away from his shop.

"Okay," he shrugged opening a box that had the air intake valve he tore plus some other parts but not all of them. Some could wait; he could get her car to her today or tomorrow then have her come back when the other stuff came in. 

"You taking good care of my girl?" Jerome asked in a laugh. He glanced back at him. He should probably tell him, now was as good a time as any but first…

"So how long have you known Alexa?" He asked writing some notes trying not sound too interested.

"Ah fuck man about three years its going on now." He said rubbing his beard growth. As Connor thought how to get more Jerome sighed. "That girl is my heart." He thumped his chest with his thumb. Connor's heart started to sink; he started to let himself think that maybe he was wrong about her. "She's like the daughter me and Wanda always wanted-"

"Daughter?"

"Yeah man her and Janabelle one day I'm gonna have to get her little midget behind over here-"

"I already met her." He knew he had to tell Jerome about him and Alexa.

"Really did she come by for Alexa or I know she doesn't have a car anymore?"

"No I met her today at my sister's house…My sister is married to Alexa's brother."

"For reals? No stuff?" Jerome howled a laugh so loud Connor jumped. "Man I just can't picture that. Ahh man!" Jerome wiped tears form his eyes.

"You said she was like a daughter?"

"Both of'em. Here look at this." Jerome pulled a picture out of his wallet. Connor looked catching himself smiling at an Alexa and Bella both sporting boy haircuts smiling and hugging a woman who looked like she was on the thresh hold of deaths door. It looked just like Wanda. The trio was sitting on a hospital bed Alexa and Jana on either side of the bed each holding wigs with the Wanda's living corpse in the middle. 

He heard Jerome sniff and Connor glanced up in time to see Jerome wiping away a tear. "Remember I told you Wanda used to own a Beauty shop? Anyway she closed it when we found she had the cancer. It took over fast and she lost her hair-"Jerome paused sniffing again, the pain of that hardship cracking through his usual good humor. His dark brown eyes were watery with the fear, reliving the uncertainty of the time. Connor felt he was imposing on the memory but curiosity held him place as he studied Jerome. He could see the lines Wanda's sickness etched in his skin. Jerome smiled sadly," What's a hair stylist without hair?" he asked with a bitterness that surprised Connor. "You know that was the hardest part for her losing her hair. I was worried about her dying and she was worried about bein' bald headed, Alexa threatened to shave her own head if Wanda didn't stop bitching." His eyes lit and Connor found himself smiling imagining Alexa bald but found it sounding like something she'd say, "Wanda cussed her out so bad Bella had to step in, the next week Wanda had to be hospitalized," his voice started to shake, "Alexa and Janabelle came to visit wearing these fucking ugly berets, Wanda thought Alexa shaved her head and talked Jana into doing the same. She went wild, Jana calmed her down-I still don't know how but she did." Connor closed his eyes leaning heavy on Jerome's desk, he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the rest. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to see what people told him about Alexa. He didn't want to think that his anger and frustration tunneled his vision. He didn't like her because she reminded of the life he chose.

"When they took off those fugly hats..." Jerome was between a laugh and a choking sob "they gave her a box that held those two wigs. They-they cut off all that beautiful hair…"He shook his head smiling and gazing at Connor with glossy eyes as his voice trailed off. "Those girls are something fucking else. Her fucking family didn't lift one goddamn finger to help her." Jerome's easy smile turned hard as he pointed in Shanae's direction outside the office. "Alexa even got her mom to help Wanda out at home cause she's a nurse and all…I'll do anything for those folks, even put my life at risk." Connor didn't understand his words as he gave a level even look, but he knew there was something more he was saying, though the last sounded more like he was talking to himself.




As It Seems Ch. 07



Jerome turned his chair facing the window to see into the garage, "How long you staying today?" his voice was rough and shaky as he caught hold of himself.

"I was gonna finish Alexa's car then jet, I have to meet with Mackey."

"Cool man; just be careful, you're a good man…just remember that." He added before taking out a ledger and going through writing notes and figures. Connor left the office confused and angry. All the evidence he's gathered so far about Alexa points to Jenny being a liar, but what he still couldn't figure out was why.

Sure Jenny made up stories when she was a little girl, but didn't all kids? He caught her in few lies when she was older…Fuck! He was going to ring her fucking neck! It was his own fault. He didn't pay attention to his training…think then act and never assume anyone is telling the truth. If they are it's only the half that absolves them of wrong doing. He didn't think it would apply to his sister, but he didn't think a lot about would apply to his family…

"Que paso cavronne?" The weekend mechanic Roberto shouted over the music playing on the dilapidated garage boom box. 

"Not much man What about you?" 

"Same-"Roberto was usually talkative and probably would have started a conversation if a car hadn't pulled up. Connor couldn't concentrate; he almost tore the new intake valve. Fuck! He couldn't do this! How was he going to handle the meeting with Mackey about his next assignment if he couldn't tighten a few bolts on a car!

One thought was able to form through all the curses…I should have kept my distance.

````

Jana lowered her head shame making it too heavy to hold up. She turned to Gauge burying her head in his chest wrapping her arms around his waist. "I didn't mean it," he could hear the strain in her voice.

He couldn't stay mad at her and he was sure Alexa wouldn't either. He cuddled her close rubbing her back kissing her forehead. It was his fault; he let her run away from her feelings, he let her hide and he let her down. Not anymore. He was going to start making her face the truth even if it was ugly, starting with why she left last night. 

He kissed her forehead and her nose she clung close as he moved to her ear whispering, "Where'd you go Bella." She shivered at the low timbre of his voice so close to her melting the resolve she had to stay distant. 

The caress of his voice pulling the truth from her, "Home." Gauge clutched her face pulling it back so he could search her eyes. She saw the question in them and tried to look away. Thinking about this morning…

She woke up early huddled deep in his embrace, felt his warmth whirling around her pulling her deeper into him. His strong steady heartbeat a soothing and exciting rhythm making her breath catch. Gauge cleared his throat in his sleep and mumbled something about cinnamon and paprika. 

Janabelle smiled timidly reaching out to touch the strong angles of his jaw; he groaned again pulling her closer brushing his lips across her eyebrow. She let herself fall in to it taking comfort, she was going to give in, she wanted to try with him but she couldn't get passed that one night, she couldn't get passed her dad needing her; she couldn't get passed the many reasons they shouldn't be together. No one understood that, it wasn't easy to just walk away from the only family you have or that would have you. So she got up as quietly as she could and left to the only place there was left to go. 

When she got home her dad was up sucking on that familiar glass pipe. He couldn't remember the day or year but he could always find that fucking pipe. She was cautious as she eased in measuring his mood. Was he going to be angry? What was her plan if he was? Was he going to be happy and silly dragging her in the living room with him so he could tell her about the good old days a figment of a drug induced imagination? Or was he going to be remorseful? Apologizing promising to be better. That was the worst, mostly because she believed him…every time. Even when she didn't. There was always that little piece of her that thought maybe, just maybe this time.

She let out a long breath when she got to her room, he was oblivious to her. He was staring out into space mumbling. She lay on her bed wondering what it would have been like if her mom had stayed. She tried to convince herself things would have been better, but she knew the truth she'd have two drugged out parents to support instead of one. 

"Bella…" Gauge repeated her name over and over pulling her out of her thoughts and memories. She hugged him tighter letting his embrace crush the sadness out of her.

"Ewww! That's gross!" Janabelle jumped and Gauge laughed holding her tighter as Daniel came in holding Clara's hand with Alexa not far behind.

"You don't like hugs?" Alexa asked swooping down giving him a big bear hug. 

"That's different you're my Zia. But Bella's a girl." Daniel scrounged his face sticking out his tongue. Clara ran up to Gauge wrapping her arms around his leg.

"Up!" she demanded. 

"You better do what she says," Alexa winked rocking Daniel in her arms and kissing him all over his face. Daniel giggled trying to fight her off. "So I'm not a girl?"

"No! You're my Zia!"

Gauged lifted Clara and she kissed his cheek before hiding in his shoulder. "So you gonna be shy today?" he asked tickling her belly. He glanced at Bella, she smiled and nodded that she was okay, before going to tag team Daniel.

"You don't like girl kisses?" she asked joining Alexa's parade of affection.

"No!" the little boy howled in laughter. Bella picked him twirling him as Alexa reached for her phone.

"Hello?" She said between fits of laughing.

"Hey princess what's up?" 

"Hey!" Alexa huffed out a greeting, "nothing what about you?"

"Same old, hey I hate to ask but I was wondering if you'd do me a favor?" 

"Sure ass face what can I do?" she went into the living room to hear him better.

"Bitch!" David laughed, "Anyway, I was wondering if you can check in on Jenny and the kids for me. We had a fight before I left and she's not picking up."

"What?"

"I said-"

"I know what you said, but she's supposed to be with you!"

"Why would she be with me? I'm working on something for Dad."

"Because that's what Jen told me when she asked me to baby sit this weekend! Because she said you two were going on that couples retreat to work things out!"

"Son of a bitch! I'll be home in a few hours."

"No, don't I'm here, it's not- I know if you're helping papa…" her voice trailed off. She closed her eyes trying to tell herself it didn't matter why she was there. It didn't matter that Jenny lied yet again the only thing that mattered was that she was here.

"Fuck! I'm sorry princess; I didn't want to put you in the middle again. Thanks for being there."

"Me and Connor took shifts." She said her voice small and unsure as she tried to figure out what to do or say.

"Connor? She brought her brother into this?! He's the last person-"David cut himself off, before he could say anything damaging.

Alexa was quiet on the phone wondering what to do. She didn't have Mommy H's calming effect on her dad or her brother if anything it she had the opposite affect. She heard his heavy breathing and him counting back from ten to one. "Sorry look are you sure you're okay with the kids, what about your-"

"I'm fine, my arm is fine and Bella and Gauge are here." 

"I'm going to finish a few things here then I'll be in tonight."

"You don't-"

"Gotta go princess. Luv ya." He said just before hanging up. 

"Hey Alley I'm going shopping for dinner need anything?"

"No," she smiled weakly laying on the couch with her eyes closed pushing back the headache that had Jenny's face attached to it.

"You feeling okay?" he pressed a warm hand to her forehead.

"Still a little tired."

"You want me to take the kids with me?"

"Please."

"C'mon kiddos y'all are going to help me pick up chow supplies." Alexa laughed and winced when the kids scream with excitement. 

Janabelle sat on the couch next to Alexa after they left. "I'm sorry-"

"I know; I'm not mad." She cut Janabelle off with the wave of her hand. "If we meant half the things we said to each other we wouldn't be friends."

"I know…Alexa?" Bella's voice was a tender sigh. 

"Hmmm?" Alexa's eyes were getting heavy, she didn't realize how trying the day had been and it wasn't half over. The argument with Connor seemed like forever ago. She wondered what he was doing now, if he was okay…

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if your mom wasn't killed by her Jon?" Bella didn't want to ask but she had to know. She had to know that she wasn't the only one wondering about what if. She knew Alexa never talked about her mother. She told her she kept her mom locked in the secret of her soul and almost never let her out for breath.

Alexa's smile was wistful as she shrugged, "Sometimes, I wonder. But then I realize she wouldn't have been as happy as she is now…she's in a much better place. She would have died one way or another; she was in too deep and probably would have taken me with her. The Hadrians wouldn't have adopted me. And I wouldn't be here with you now waiting for Gauge to make some of the best pizza I ever had." There was a familiar tug in Alexa's heart; it was the guilt from trying to forget seeing her mother's end, guilt for surviving and the guilt of happiness. She rarely thought of how she ended up with Hadrians, they didn't think she remembered. Which was fine, they didn't come up with romantic stories about how they got her and she didn't ask. The only hint that she remembered was the difficulty she had and still has addressing Mommy H. It felt like she was betraying the one that was her mother, the one who though wasn't the same mother material as Mommy H proved to be worthy of some sort of loyalty in her last act of paternity. Janabelle was the only one she talked about her mother with and she knew Jana wouldn't bring up something like that lightly. 

Janabelle laughed sadly," Are you wondering what would have happened if your mother stayed around?" Jana nodded. "It would have all been the same, the things that happen; happen and you have to figure out how to deal without destroying yourself." She waved Bella to lay with her. "C'mon we're both tired; I'm cold and too lazy to get a blanket." Jana snuggled up to Alexa feeling the warmth and protection of the big sister she always wanted.

```````

Connor glanced up at the sky clouds were moving fast, he wondered if he would beat the storm. A few hours ago when he was calming down from yet another argument with Alexa, the sky had been a clear bright blue. Now it was fast becoming heavy and thick with the threat of rain. 

He knew the only way to focus and get his mid off Alexa was to make a call, he needed to know how J. Doe was doing and he didn't have time to check on her himself.

"No change," came the ominous reply. And he left it. The call served its purpose. He was able to focus on the task, he may even be able to ignore D.J. or maybe there would be some sort of karmic mercy and he wouldn't have to deal with him and Alexa the same day. 

Nope no justice. He thought swinging his leg off the bike and shaking out his hair. But I can do this. He thought brushing passed a sulking D.J.

"S'up man?" Connor inclined a weary head in Mackey's direction. They hadn't really spoken since the incident with D.J. and Connor still found himself just short of being pissed off but he would work through it. He was here for something much bigger, was what he kept telling himself. 

Mackey sighed casting an irritated glance at D.J. and shook his head, "Same old shit man, same old, what about you?"

Connor shrugged "Same here." He walked into the dilapidated building and paused. Something wasn't right, he didn't know how he knew but he knew something wasn't right. He took a step back surveying his surroundings.

"Very perceptive Mr. O'Connor." He tensed at the smooth deep voice laced thick with Latin influence. He wasn't sure he liked this. No he knew he wasn't going to like this. "If only my nephew had the same gift of awareness. Come forward."  

Connor narrowed his eyes trying to adjust them to the dark dankness of the warehouse. He saw the fat red glow a cigar and his nose wrinkled at the strong pungent odor sailing towards him. He stepped forward sauntering as though nothing were wrong. He could turn this into an opportunity if he didn't end up with a bullet in his head. Jose Melendez didn't meet with the "help" unless…He wasn't going to think about that; he would measure the situation and then see how it needed handled. His senses heightened, he could here the squeak of D.J.'s sneakers as he slithered by, he felt the change of pressure in the air from everyone's breath. The room was so quiet and tense he swore he could almost hear everyone's thoughts. He kept his eyes on Melendez even though he knew there were others lurking around. Melendez wouldn't meet anyone without some sort of entourage, or protection. Connor sniffed the air he swore he smelled perfume mingled with all the testosterone and guns, but why the fuck would a chick be here now…maybe he would finally get what he needed from Melendez.

"D.J. come forward," Melendez eyed his nephew narrowly. Connor couldn't decipher the look, maybe displeasure as he took D.J. by the neck dragging him forward. "Come here boy and face O'Connor like a man." He heard Melendez hiss. "O'Connor my nephew has raised a few "complaints" that have concerned me."

Connor shrugged what could he say? What should he say? Yes sir your nephew is a pussy and should stay home sucking milk from his mama's titty. Nope it was best to stay quiet and see where this lead and hopefully create an opening or at the very least walk out alive and mostly if not completely intact.

He may have been wrong but he was starting to see how this could work out in his favor.

"Face the man." Melendez smacked D.J. upside the head but he continued to hang it low, Connor could almost make out streaks of red in his pocked cheeks, and he swore he heard him sniffle. Was D.J. crying? No but he was trying really hard not to, "My nephew seems to have issue with you, do you know why that would be?"

"No sir," Connor said evenly.

"I don't either so tell the man what your beef with him is. How do you expect to take control if you're too afraid to open your fucking mouth? Tell the man why you are wasting my time filling my head with this juvenile bullshit when I have a business to run. Tell this man why he shouldn't wipe the floor with your ass after all the trouble you've been to him. Tell me nephew how this man spent 8 months in the fucking system for this organization, and now I have to listen to you and cry like a fucking sissy!" Connor was almost embarrassed for the trembling little asshole, as he saw Melendez's grip get tighter on D.J.'s neck, somewhere in the background he heard Jerome hiss all the other shadow men were quiet as though used to this sort of scene.

D.J. tried to cover his head, his humiliation fueling his hatred. "You want to be a fucking thug? Here thug it out!" Melendez pulled out a gun forcing it in D.J.'s hand, "back in my day when we had a beef we handled it. Handle it now and I don't want to hear another fucking word about it." 

Connor's mind raced with possible solutions and outcomes and he didn't like any of them. They all ended up with him with a bullet somewhere in his body. Cold prickly sweat beaded down his neck, the air was colder heavier so he could barely breathe. Don't panic was his constant mantra. Melendez and his crew had to know that Connor wouldn't just let this little piss fuck shoot him. They had to know D.J. didn't have the oeuvoes to shed blood. Connor eyed his trembling hand his gaze slowly climbing higher, meeting frightened uncertain eyes. Connor could see his reflection in D.J.'s bulging eyes, the complete opposite of him; calm and steady.

"What the fuck are waiting for? Isn't this what you've been threatening to anyone who would listen? Tell me how you were going to fuck this pinche gringo up? Here's your chance. Pull the fucking trigger," Melendez's glare burned through his nephew as Connor's stomach twisted and dropped, strange how the only thought he had was he would never get to apologize to Alexa. 

His brain wouldn't work, his eyes narrowed on the gun there was something that kept grapping his attention. His heart slowed his breathing slowly returning to normal, he relaxed slightly, he had a chance. Play it right and he had a chance. 

He stepped forward his best fuck you smile, he ignored the noises in the background, the shuffling feet, the sound of metal being pulled from fabric. For every man Connor could make out he knew there would be two he couldn't. The closer Connor got the more D.J. trembled, he stopped a few feet from him to get a better look. "C'mon kid, prove to Tio that you can shoot an unarmed man, that's a big fuckin' man," he narrowed his eyes and cocked his head, "what you can't fight me like a real fucking man is that it? You have to hide behind your Tio's gun? Is that thing even loaded?" D.J. licked his lips a twitchy unsure smile dribbling across his lips.

"Shut up white boy!"

Connor shivered "ohh is that all you got? Shut up white boy, here's a tip asshole take the safety off." Connor was about to reach for it as D.J.'s face became even more confused he looked at the gun and Connor pounced, holding D.J. down. Connor heard the clicks of several weapons.

"No this is between them," he heard Melendez say his voice thick with…laughter? Connor's had to have been plugged with adrenaline, Melendez couldn't be laughing? "You haven't learned anything, you didn't even check to see if it was loaded." He hissed in disgust kicking his nephew. "Maybe you can teach him what I couldn't. Come into the back when you're done with this school yard bullshit I have some business…" with that he walked away taking the shadows of back up with him. The only other person left was Mackey, who edged closer. 

"Let him go man," he said softly. 

Connor ignored him channeling his anger to the shaking weeping D.J. This was going to be the last time a gun was pointed at him on account of-"Connor! Enough, he was already humiliated, let him go." Mackey pulled him away and Connor let him as D.J. lay crumpled and curled on the floor.

"Here's a tip asshole revolvers don't have safeties." He growled appeasing some of the violence winding in his stomach kicking D.J. in the back as he walked away. Ignoring the sobbing shrieking yelp he gave. 

Mackey helped D.J. up, "Why the fuck did you go to your uncle?" He hissed unable to hold on to his anger. How was he going to keep this kid out of trouble? "I told you not-"he couldn't lecture him, not when he seemed so lost and alone. His uncle was merciless in blowing what was left of his bad ass front apart. Mackey had known D.J.'s father and promised that he'd protect him but this kid seemed insistent on causing trouble, or just trying to prove he belonged. Mackey didn't know but he had to figure how to teach this kid quick before he got himself gone. 

Connor ambled towards the back office; his heart was still trying to find its way down from his throat. He shivered, his foot steps echoing on the concrete sounding heavy and foreboding in his ears. He considered turning around and walking away, he had enough. He was drowning in himself he was becoming the beast he was warned about, mixing the line between right and wrong. Wasn't that why he was so quick to think the worst of Alexa with no real proof or evidence? Why was he thinking about her now of all the things that should be going through his mind? Why could he only focus on how her eyes flashed icy green when she was angry or how they turned into molten honey when he kissed her; when his fingers twirled-fuck me! He thought with a low sardonic laugh, I almost get my head blown off…again and I'm thinking about some fucking pussy. He stopped walking adjusting himself before he made it to the guards posted at the door. The last thing he needed now was an evident hard on while he was meeting with Melendez.




As It Seems Ch. 08



Her head was still heavy from last night's wine, making it hard to open her eyes. She heard the steady thud of her pillow's heartbeat; she heard the comforting sigh of Janabelle trying to pull herself out of sleep. Alexa turned her head to see her eyes fluttering open. Each one laying their head on the opposite ends of Gauge's stomach. Each comparing their position. 

Janabelle thinking of the near perfection of Gauge's body, the long sinewy lines, the firm muscles, the eat radiating from his skin. His fingers brushed absently in her hair, the soft constant snore brought on by too much wine and the combination of kitchen spices that seemed to cling to his skin. She met Alexa's eyes blankly, oblivious to her friend. 

Alexa's thoughts ran some what of a different path, running closer to curiosity. How would it feel to lie on Connor's hard rippling stomach? Would it feel like laying on a slab of marble, like she did when her family went to visit her Nonna Hadrian in Italy, cool and smooth? Or would it be hard but pliable? Would the heat from his body waft up and wrap around her? What rhythm did his heart beat? Was it a long hummmm or did it beat wild and free?

She closed her eyes too weak to will away her thoughts. She lifted herself on her elbow peering over Jana to see Gauge lost in his own thoughts and fantasies, which she was sure Jana was the star. He gave her a weary smile and glanced down at Jana. It broke Alexa's heart when she saw the raw longing in his eyes. She wondered if anyone would ever love her the way Gauge obviously loved Bella. And would she fight it as much as Janabelle tried. Alexa glanced around looking for any sign that Connor came back. He'd been gone since Saturday and it was Monday morning. She hadn't heard hide nor hair and she was starting to worry, it didn't help that the kids kept asking when their uncle Nathan was coming back. 

Disappointment and relief twisted her insides creating a physical ache so intense she gasped. Both Gauge and Jana snapped out of their reverie to gaze curiously at her. 

"Is it your wrist?" Jana asked anxiously, sitting up ready to inspect Alexa's weak throbbing limb. 

"I-" alexa smiled sheepishly her face warming, "no I'm fine- it's fine I just sat up too fast. It-um made my head hurt." She mingled the truth with her own denial. She rushed up before they could ask any more questions ignoring the heavy dizziness threatening to take her back down and the awkward stares from her two friends. 

She went to the kitchen sitting at the table with her head in her hands. She had to wake the kids soon Daniel had school and Clara would go to Jen's parents. She straightened when she heard the back door open but didn't turn. She wouldn't give that asshole the benefit of seeing how worried she was about him, or how relieved she would be to see him.

"It's about time you got back. Where the hell have you been?"

"Is that how I get greeted when I come home from a long trip?" She jumped at the deep smooth voice, running into his arms like a little girl greeting her father.

"David!" he swung her in his arms. Realization engulfed him with her hug; this is what coming home is supposed to feel like. No heated yelling, no cold silence, no bitterness or anger, just a nice warm hug. Now David knew what he had to do, if not for himself then for his children, for his whole fucking family. He closed his eyes pushing away the sudden weight of duty, forcing a smile.

"Hey, sweetheart," he held alexa so tight she didn't have the breath to tell him that he was crushing her. She laughed when he let her go, falling back slightly as he steadied her, "so who were you cussing out this time?" he demanded leaning against the counter folding his arms, his dark heavy brows raised expectantly, his forest green eyes twinkling with mischief. 

Alexa shrugged embarrassed, she'd almost forgotten about Connor, she'd almost forgotten how worried she was, and she knew she wouldn't be able to hide anything from David.

"Tell me or I'll tell dad about his princepessa's temper."

"Ha! Like he'd believe anything bad about his princess!" Alexa scoffed folding her arms across her chest and raising an eyebrow.

"Willing to bet on that?" David grinned mocking her posture. They played the staring game they always had as kids and maybe played too often now as adults. Alexa bit her lip a sure sign that she was about to loose, maybe she should tell him. What would be the harm? Maybe she'd be able to get some information about Connor, like why in all the time he's been married to Jenny, she is just meeting him. Why was he just now coming into their lives? 

David watched her eyes, he could see her working out her thoughts as their game became more than that. He was starting to worry. 

"Alexa," her name was enough of a warning to make her jolt.

"Nathan, he left Saturday, he called to tell me to pick up my car and that he'd be home in a few hours and we haven't heard from him since." She shrugged heading toward the fridge to pull out breakfast. She pulled out a couple of boxes of juice and was about to pull out some of the left-overs from the dinner Gauge made last night but thought better, maybe he could fix breakfast for the kids, he was drooling last night when he saw a cooking show on some food channel.

"It's probably for the best, he has a lot going on." David said evenly, watching his baby sisters nervous fidgeting. The funniest part was half the time she didn't know how obvious she was, "did something happen that I should know or talk to him about?"

"What?! Wh-why would you ask me something like that?" she demanded turning on him so fast she dropped the juice boxes. 

"I just wanted to make sure he wasn't trying to take advantage of my little sister."

"Is he the type?" she asked remembering the other night how Connor pressed her against the door his hand in her panties his fingers-fuck his fingers.

"Maybe," David shrugged," I only met him a few times, but be careful. If he tries anything-if he tried anything I don't want you protecting him." He said running a finger over Alexa's braced wrist. She flinched, why did everyone keep talking about her wrist? Did she not exist before the whole debacle with Marcus? Why wouldn't they let her forget about it and him? And why did everyone say she was protecting him? She wasn't she was just too humiliated to tell them what happened. What was she supposed to say? I wasn't a good enough lay so my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed because he thought it would turn me on.

"I better go wake the kids," she stepped away avoiding David's out stretched hand. She brushed passed Gauge and Bella muttering a quick apology.

"Hey what's up?" Bella asked giving David a long hug while he extended a hand to Gauge.

"Same bullshit, what's been going on here?" 

"Nothing really, we met your brother, Connor." Janabelle shrugged pulling out supplies for Gauge to cook. It was pretty much a given that he was going to make crepes with strawberry wine sauce. 

"You haven't eaten have you?" He asked before taking the supplies.

"Yup, but if you're cooking I'm eatin' again." David said as he sat down on the Kitchen Island watching him work and Janabelle prep. 

"You don't mind?"

"Whenever you have the urge to make anything please do, I've living on fucking gruel and ramen."

---

She gripped the steering wheel with shaky sweaty hands, ringing it nervously. Her breath was heavy with emotion but if you asked her she wouldn't be able to tell you which ones, a mix of anger, frustration fear and anticipation, but mostly it was fear. She slowed her breathing trying to gain control. She knew everyone waiting in that house was against her and she had to figure out how to turn it into her favor, how could she play this? 

She let out one last cleansing breath, checked her make- up if only for something to do. She played with her long mousy brown bangs contrasting with her cornfield blue eyes. 

"I can do this," she muttered leaving the safety of her car to the lions den. She tried calling back up but he wasn't answering her calls, not that she was surprised. Her brother always had better things to do than help her, she thought bitterly. She pushed her key in the slot, jumping slightly at the loud laughs coming form inside. Of course he'd have back up. It was bad enough she'd have to conjure up an excuse for her husband and his perfect fucking brat sister, but she'd have to do this in front of said sister's friends. All their eyes would be on her judging her, sizing her; reminding her that she didn't fit.

She met her husband's frosty green glare with false calm. They didn't speak as she pushed her way passed him. She breezed to the fridge pulling out a bottle of beer, feeling their eyes on her. She wondered when David would loose control and start the argument. She didn't have to wait long.

"So you want to tell me where the fuck you've been?" David was at the kitchen island, his dark hair mussed, his forest green eyes flashing with cold anger. His voice had a hard edge she hadn't heard before and she briefly wondered if she should be worried, if maybe she over-estimated her ability to manipulate a situation. She watched his hands on the counter balling into fists then releasing repeatedly. Knuckles-white, knuckles-red over and over.

"Are we really going to do this now?" she moved to kiss his cheek slightly stunned when he pulled away.

"You're goddamn right; we're going to do this now-"

"But the kids-"she licked her lips nervously

"Now you want to worry about the kids?" his voice was low and cool. He wouldn't look at her. He stared down at his fists. 

"I'm not doing this in front of your fucking entourage! The only thing missing is miss fucking perfect princess Alexa. That's what you all call her right? She can do no wrong-" David stood up so fast the stool slammed against the floor. Jenny flinched as he got in her face. She knew he wouldn't hurt her but there was still something about the Hadrian's that made them a force to be reckoned with.

"This has nothing to with her and everything to do with you! Your lying! Your manipulating! Your need to be the center of a-fucking-ttention! Tell me what she ever did to you, other than be a better friend than you deserve?!"

Jenny had never been as relieved for Janabelle's presence as she stood between them and Gauge as he hooked an arm around David's shoulders pulling him away.

"Not now man your kids are still in the house. You don't want them to hear you-" but just then they heard the sniffle of a little girl and her muffled sobs as she clung to her Zia Alley's neck. Then just behind Alexa they saw the head of a wide-eyed little boy, trying so hard to be strong and push shimmering tears from his eyes. 

"I'm-I didn't know, the kids were so excited that you were home." Alexa's words were burdened with emotion. She hoped the kids; her poor babies didn't hear the quiver in her voice. Janabelle lifted Clara from her arms, or at least tried the little girl clung so tight she had to pry her off. 

"Let's go Clara your hurting, Zia's arm." The soft voice of reason came from Daniel who stepped forward as though to protect both Clara and Alexa from everyone in the room. Clara let go turning her grip to Janabelle's neck. Daniel glared at both his parents before taking Alexa by the hand, "c'mon I'm gonna be late for school." She let him lead her and Jana followed with Clara to put her in the car seat

"You okay to drive?" Alexa nodded she couldn't speak. "Do you want some company?" again she shook her head. She would take the kids to their destinations then go home and take a shower hot enough to burn her skin and her thoughts away. She avoided hugs and glances as she got in the car.

"Everything will be okay Alley." Daniel whispered patting her hand and kissing her cheek when she parked in front of his school.

Alexa smiled, "I know baby, have a good day at school...and remember no matter what is going on your mom and dad and I love you." 

"I know." He said but his little voice held the same uncertainty she felt. "I love you too." he murmured

"Be good." He nodded and ran towards the school doors. Alexa looked back at Clara her crying fit soon turned into a nap. Her phone vibrated with a text. 

After u drop the kids come back.

She sighed praying for every red light to last a few minutes longer.

She pulled up the drive way of Jen's parent's house. She pulled out all of Clara's bags, why did this girl have so many bags for one afternoon? She wondered trying to figure out how to get her out of the car seat and carry all the bags. She could wake Clara up but that would just make her impossible to deal with. Though she didn't care if Jen's parents had trouble, she didn't want her to be upset and unhappy all day.

"You look like you could use some help?" Alexa gasped dropping the bags and turning. Her face was flushed and her eyes were wide. She pressed her hand to her heart blinking rapidly. She opened her mouth to say something but her mind went blank as she came face o face with a par of the warmest brown eyes in a handsome dark face.

"Hey I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you." He reached out to steady her and picking up the bags she dropped. "You just looked like you could use some help." He nodded towards her wrist, cuddled in its brace. 

"Oh no thanks, I can-"

The stranger laughed it was smooth and easy making her want to smile. "Don't tell me you're one of those."

"Excuse me?" her face warmed as her eyes glared.

"No ...what I meant was...you know what let's start over. My name is Allen- Allen Walters I just moved next door."

She eyed him warily before taking the hand he offered, "Alexa Hadrian and this is my niece Clara, I'm dropping her off." Alexa winced, waiting for the curious frown people gave her when she introduced her family. To his credit Allen didn't show any signs of surprise.

"So Alexa Hadrian Aunt to Clara are you going to let me help you?" she sighed and nodded. It was nice not to be pushed or bullied. "Thank you," she murmured meekly as he pulled Clara out of her car seat. The little girl snored; her eyes cracking open before rolling back into dreamland. Alexa led him to the door. 

It opened before she even knocked. She met a pair of frosty blue eyes glaring at her, set in a calm even tranquil face. 

"Alexa! So you're here..." Rebecca O'Connor smiled at her neighbor and granddaughter then cut an angry stare to Alexa "...finally" Alexa took a deep breath, the last thing she wanted was to cop an attitude right here in front of this stranger. She smiled gritting her teeth. "And I see you've met our new neighbor Dr. Walters." Rebecca said never taking her eyes off of Clara as she lifted her from the good doctor. Alexa jaw dropped slightly. He didn't look like a doctor he defiantly didn't have that I'm better than you attitude most doctors had and he didn't introduce himself as a doctor. 

Dr. Walters glanced at Alexa almost shyly. "Umm yes, he offered to help me with Clara." She said as Rebecca waved them in as she laid Clara on the couch. 

"Would you all like some tea or coffee?" she offered to Dr. Walters.

"No I better go...it was nice meeting you doctor." Alexa smiled ignoring Rebecca's rudeness, knowing very well that she wasn't really inviting her.

"You too, I'll uh I'll walk you out-"

"No really-"

"No I'd really like to." He said so smoothly and sincerely she couldn't say no again.

"O-okay, I'll see you this afternoon Rebecca. Oh and if you see –Nathan tell him it would have been nice if he called." Alexa hoped no one could hear the edge in her voice. Not noticing the tension in Rebecca's shoulders at the mention of her son.

She didn't bother to look at them or escort them out as they left. Alexa's cheeks flamed as she walked out the door. "I'm sorry about that." She said meekly.

"Wow I take it things aren't going to well with thes?" he put his hands up in surrender when she shot him a glance. 

She shrugged not really wanting to share with this stranger, "thanks for walking me to my car I should get going."

"Wait-I don't want to sound like I'm trying to pick you up but by chance would like to have some coffee with me, we can go some where or we can just hang out here."

"That would be nice, but-"he could see the doubt clouding her eyes. 

"Please I just moved here and I need a friend." He smiled so easily, and his voice was full of warmth and humor she agreed.

"There is a little café down the road. I could drive us or we could walk."

"Lady's choice,"

"Is it okay if we walk? It's just such a beautiful day." She wasn't going to tell him that driving was hard for her, or that she didn't want some strange man hanging out in her car, doctor or not.

Alexa felt her phone vibrate with a text message, and decided to ignore it. She wanted no part of the on going family drama, she just wanted to chill out with someone who didn't know her, who wasn't going to push or bully. She just needed a break, it didn't hurt that her escort had the easiest smile and softest brown eyes, beautiful dark skin. He was tall and slender but obviously well built. He wasn't threatening or intimidating, he was...nice. His voice was deep but had a soft thoughtfulness about it. Like he listened to every word you said, she knew from experience that was rare, especially for a doctor.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did that happen? I understand if you don't want to talk about it. Just the doctor in me..." he offered her his arm as they walked. The sun beat down warming her back; she loved that feeling especially after leaving the frostiness of the O'Connor household. Maybe it was the warmth of the sun or his easy way of asking that tempted her to confess. But she couldn't, she didn't think she'd ever be able to tell anyone what happened to her that night. She didn't want anyone not even her closest friends knowing that the thought of sex frightened her so much she could barely tolerate being touched. Which led to her current predicament? 

"I don't want to talk about that, I-I don't like talking about it." Her face flamed as she avoided his gaze.

"That's fine, but I would like to pry one more time-" they got to the café, he opened the door for her and took a seat outside, he even pulled a chair out for her to sit. "When was the last time you got it checked out?" 

She shrugged he could see her discomfort. "I'm sorry, It just looks like an older wound...you know what never mind, just tell me a little about yourself." No one had ever asked her about herself. Everyone was so busy telling her what was wrong with her or what she needed to do, no one ever took the time out ask her. 

Allen watched her visibly relax as she talked about her niece and nephew. He could see the light and love in her eyes as she talked about her family and friends. She even asked him questions about himself. That was something he wasn't used to. Women asked him questions but it usually wasn't genuine. They were intrigued because he was a doctor, which was the depth of their interest.

He groaned in disgust as his phone vibrated, he was the on call ER surgeon. "I'm so sorry, I have to-"

"No, I understand. It was nice meeting you though...maybe we can do this again sometime."

"Yeah, maybe we can." He said pulling her chair out and offering her his arm. He walked her back to her car, opening the door for her. "Here is my number, call if you ever want to hang again."

"I will, thank you." She put the card in her purse and he watched her drive off. Wondering if he'd ever see her again.



Gauge and Bella excused themselves or rather Gauge excused them. He didn't want Bella in the middle of the Hadrian's family dispute. He liked David and didn't think he'd ever raise his hand to a woman, it was just that she had her own problems. She didn't need to try to fix or help people who could handle them selves. Bella glared as he pulled her outside. 




As It Seems Ch. 08



"Gauge-" 

"We have our own problems to deal with." His was voice was calm and low but she heard the edge and anger and hurt in that low calm. He wasn't going to let her run from him, he was going to make her admit what she tried to keep secret. 

She almost tripped trying to keep up with his long stride. She should just turn around and walk away, she would if she didn't think he would catch her, if she followed him she at least had time to think to prepare and build a wall his slate eyes couldn't penetrate or his smooth voice couldn't crumble.

He had a death grip on her hand like he knew she was thinking about fleeing. Who was she kidding, he did know. That's what she did. She ran from him, she was always running from him.

He trapped her between his car again. His steel colored eyes searching through her.

"Please not here." She whispered peering around him expecting an audience any moment. He cupped her face his jaw set as he studied her hard, his jaw twitched as he leaned his head against hers. He sighed before pulling back, opening the door for her. She watched him climb in, comparing his impossibly long limbs to her short. She could see him willing himself to be level and it hurt her, that she couldn't just throw away her doubts and fears. She couldn't just dive into his arms no matter how much they both needed each other. 

She reached out timidly taking his, "don't hate me," her voice a soft plea.

He should be furious with her, she left in the middle of the night, she avoided him all weekend. He was furious Goddamnit! He wanted shake some sense into her. He wanted to press her body against his car and push into her until she admitted that they belonged together. And now she was looking up at him with those soulful doe eyes watery with tears. Her nose flaring, her cheeks flushing and her lip quivering slightly. He never wanted to see her cry but she was beautiful even then. 

"Bella," her name was an exasperated sigh, "how could you ever think that? Nothing will ever make me hate you...nothing, don't you understand that?" he pulled her close letting her hide her face in his shoulder. He didn't want to have this conversation in his car in David's drive way. Wanted to cradle her in his arms, he wanted to lay her back; he just wanted a chance to prove they were right for each other. She pulled away turning away form him. He resigned that was all he was going to get from her now, at least he got something. He pulled out of the drive.

It took no time to get to his apartment. She wished she had a little more time to gather herself, her thoughts. How could she turn down what he so desperately wanted to offer her? What she so desperately wanted to take. What choice did she have but to say no? Her Dad came with the territory and it wouldn't be fair to Gauge or anyone to take on that burden. She leaned on Gauge too much already. No matter how many times he apologized or said she could depend on him that one night punished her memory. She couldn't just forget. It wasn't that she blamed him, she really didn't. It was more that she realized she was on her own, and she would always be. Just like her bank out accounts she over drew on his friendship...

He watched the wheels in her mind turning as she tried not to look at him. At least she wasn't running anymore, at least he had a chance to explain and try and make amends. He sighed so loud with such frustration she turned to look at him, curiously. He could see her trying to figure if he was frustrated with her. He couldn't keep the harshness from his voice, "are you going to talk to me today?" he watched her flinch and bit his lip as he pulled back. "I'm sorry, I just...I just don't know what to say to you anymore." He gripped the steering wheel. Anger flushed his cheeks as he stared at his white knuckles; he hopped out of the car slamming the door behind him. The cold air shocked him as he opened the door for her. She followed him to his apartment, her head hung low, but grateful not be having this conversation in the car. Once inside he trapped her between the door and his arms. "I fucked up. I turned my back on you, and I'm so goddamned ashamed of myself." He said finally his voice trembling,"you deserve so much better...and you don't even fucking know it." He turned to look at her. His eyes were rimmed red with the flood of emotions making the grey appear even more shocking. Janabelle wanted to look away, but he was so close, he was so beautiful. Gauge cupped her face; he watched her full lips tremble. "Why won't you let me-"his voice a broken whisper?

"I'm not good enough for you!" she shouted, the power and venom in her voice shocked him. He understood, finally he understood what she was afraid of. "My mom is probably a crack whore somewhere at best she's fucking dead, and my dad! My fucking father- he- he's just worthless and it's never been any different!"

"Baby, what does that have to do with you?" his voice a gentle command.

"That's what I am Gauge. That's what I came from!" Why didn't he get it. She wasn't any good because her parents were no good, there was no hope that she could be anything but a burden.

"Is that what you think?" he laughed a heartbreaking sound. "Oh my god honey, don't you see you're the best part of them...you're the best part of me..." his lips brushed hers, tasting her sweetness, "be apart of me, Bella...love Me." she followed his lips as they traced hers. His warm breath teasing her. He pulled her close. She tasted him, savored the softness of his lips. She could have this, she could have him. She could forget what she came from and be something loved and cared for. His hands traveled from her face to her neck down her back, making the heat rise from her chest.

He needed to touch her, he needed to feel her warm soft skin, he needed to know she was real and she wasn't going to blow in a puff of dreams when he opened his eyes. 

His hands went under her shirt. Her moans were honey and music, calling out to him, begging him, daring him to take it further. His fingers traced the curve of her back moving around to cup her small firm breasts, hiding under a cotton bra.

"Gauge..." her voice was soft against his mouth her hands cupping his face. His weekend stubble course on her tender fingers making her shiver, she knew he'd be relentless on her body. He'd try and prove to her that they belonged, that he wasn't going anywhere, he'd leave his mark on her...and leave her devastated and hurt. If Gauge let her down she'd never recover, she had to stop this.

Gauge felt her tense, he felt her thoughts. He held her closer, tighter. His mouth more insistent, if she wouldn't listen to her heart he'd make her listens to her body. He pulled her shirt over her head, admiring her smooth rich brown skin. He gazed up at her as he nudged her bra cup down taking a hard ripe nipple into his mouth.

Janabelle's eyes were heavy; her vision blurred seeing a fuzzy halo around him. His eyes usually intense were now brimming with barely controlled emotions, she didn't want to try and sort them out, she didn't want to think of her feelings. He could see her thoughts moving away from him so he bit her nipple. 

"This is all that matters," he whispered against her now throbbing nipple, gently blowing over the pulsing tender skin. 

"Gauge!" she gasped as he attacked the other nipple, she rocked forward against his jeans, her panties heavy and were causing bitter sweet friction. She felt his ache hard against her, trying to escape his jeans. She knew he was above average but from what she could feel he was way above the curve. Bella's skin prickled and she shivered she wanted to weep with the longing overwhelming her, punishing her for denying her own needs over what before seemed like common sense but now was so absurd and petty she couldn't bring herself to remember her protests. All she could think about was Gauge and his roaming lips, whispering to her encouraging her. "Gauge, Gauge!" she gasped again as his finger found its way to her swollen clit, rubbing small circles his tongue flicked her nipple flashing in her mind what it would look like to have him licking between her thighs, setting her body off in a fit of convulsions. Her back arched, her eyes rolled back she bit her lip to holding on to the scream looking for a way out. She was so ready to give in, to loose her fear, to give Gauge a piece of her no one has ever had.

Gauge glared up at her a lascivious smile cracking his lips. She was mistaken if she thought she'd get off that easy. He kissed down her belly flicking his tongue in the little indentation. 

"Are you going to stop fighting and let me in?" he asked above the waist of her black jeans skirt. She nodded she'd say anything if he'd just keep going. He wanted her to say it; he needed her to say that she wouldn't run, that she forgave him, and that she was his. "Say it." His fingers twirled her throbbing tenderness.

"I-I wont run anymore." She whimpered pulling at his arm clawing him. They were so devoured in each other they almost didn't hear the rapid knocking on the door. They stilled gazing at each other through hazy eyes. They were going to ignore it, nothing was going to stop Gauge from finally having her, but the knock sounded again this time urgent and angry. 

"Bella..."

"No gauge please- I-"she knew if they were not together now she wouldn't have the courage later. The door pounded again. Who ever was on the other side was willing to break it down if he didn't see what their damage was.

Gauge swung the door open his eyes burning with impatience. A swear died on his lips as he met eyes with a police officer who looked just as agitated. 

"Can I help you officer," he said barely able to keep the edge from his voice

"Gauge Somners?" Gauge stepped back a little 

"Yeah?"

"We are looking for Janabelle Brooks."

"I'm Janabelle," she stood up straightening her clothes. The cop looked Janabelle up and down then turned his hostile gaze to Gauge. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Gauge demanded as the cop grabbed him pulling his hands behind his back hooking metal bracelets around his wrist to restrain him.

"Gauge Somners you're under arrest, you have-"the cop started reading his Miranda rights when Bella stepped up.

"What's-why-"

"You Janabelle Brooks?" another cop stepped forward.

"Yes," she frowned the confusion on her face would have been comical if Gauge wasn't being wrestled to the ground and arrested.

"Your father put out a missing persons when you didn't go home Friday, he said you would be here." The cop said, he was a big intimidating country looking man, with cold guarded eyes, that seemed to search for the worst in people, and a plump red face. Bella stepped back slightly cowed by the imposing figure.

"But what does that have to do with Gauge?"

"Aiding and abetting a runaway and lude conduct with a minor."

"But who-you don't mean me?" she and Gauge stared at each other in confusion. Gauge wanted to laugh, these fuckers were serious. They thought Bella was underage and they thought he was about to-he shivered in disgust at the thought. But Janabelle did look absurdly young with her pig tails and pony tails, her japanime t-shirts and her petite figure, those dark doe eyes and sweet face. The way she gazed up at everyone not to mention her soft pitched voice. "But I'm 23; way passed the age of having a curfew, you know I can even drink."

The cop in front of her folded his arms smirking, "Got any proof, little girl?" he taunted. He didn't believe her. Why would he? He came across kids lying about their age all the time.

"No, I-"

"Let me guess, you left it in your algebra book? Your dog ate it?" color stained her cheeks and she bit her lip to keep from saying anything, now was not the time to use her smart mouth. She would take Gauge's lead and let everything take care of itself.

"I left it at home. If I could just-" 

"Well lucky you we were taking you that direction anyway and your friend can wait it out in the tank."



---

David search hard for the woman he fell in love with, but she wasn't there, maybe she never existed to begin with, maybe it wasn't love. He could have been infatuated with her cornflower blue eyes, burning bright with mischief. Now he knew it wasn't mischief it was a malicious hateful burning. The desire he saw in her eyes wasn't passion. It was the desire to hurt, to destroy any thing in her path. He didn't want to believe it. Especially not after so much time, after eight years of marriage and two kids. Why did it take him so long to realize what she was? His profession was digging deep to find the truth and he couldn't even find it in his own home. 

He closed his eyes and looked away, he had seen it but by then it was too late, they had already had Daniel and he didn't want to think that way about the mother of his child. He had to see the good in her, if there was any. He used to convince himself she did, but now he wasn't so sure. Now he just wanted her gone, he didn't want this cold calculating bitter woman in his or his children's lives. He didn't want to think about his children being apart of someone so coniving. 

"Where were you?" he asked his hands clenching and unclenching as he stared ahead seeing nothing. He couldn't keep the bark from his voice. Did he really care where she was, what she was doing or even who she was doing it with? 

He heard Jenny lick her lips nervously, as they both realized simultaneously that he didn't care anymore. He could hear the lie forming on her lips, before she said it, before she could even think of one.

"Please don't lie to me," he said softly. He should have been angry; he should have wanted to wrap his hands around her throat and shaken the truth from her. But what he felt was a cooling curiosity. She was a case he wanted solve, nothing more. 

He was angry but not because she'd been gone for days with out a word, but because she brought Alexa in their troubles again. They both knew Alexa would do anything if for her family and that made it easy for jenny to manipulate her. It made him more than angry that she constantly took advantage of Alexa's almost desperate need to be needed in the family. 

"I-"he heard the nerves in her voice as she gagged on the beginning of her lie, his cool green eyes cut into her. She couldn't read him. She couldn't say anything; there was nothing to say when he looked at her like that. 

Jenny stared at the floor, fighting the urge to gnaw her lip or bite her cuticles, like she'd seen Alexa do so many times. She wasn't going to let that sort of weakness show unless it could be used to her advantage. 

Why was everyone coming down on her anyway, Alexa was an even bigger manipulator than she was. She made people believe she was this tuff take no shit woman, but anyone could see that she wasn't, she was timid and hurt. She made people believe that she was this loving nurturing woman but she wasn't she was cold and frigid. Jenny couldn't tell you why she hated her, she couldn't tell you why she acted out the way she did. She didn't see anything wrong with her behavior; she didn't understand why she didn't get as many chances as Alexa. She didn't understand why Alexa was offered so much unconditional love and she was scrambling to keep her family together. 

"I went out," she shrugged fighting the urge to clear her throat, fighting any indication that she was scared or worried. She took a long swallow of the bitter liquid, forcing it down her throat as fear tightened it. She knew she went too far. She shivered thinking about what would happen if the Hadrian's found out her involvement in Alexa's accident. She counted on the fact that Alexa wouldn't want to start trouble in the family or cause anymore tension than what was already there. Jenny wasn't even sure if Joseph or Elizabeth Hadrian knew about Alexa's accident, she was pretty sure that David was helping her hide it. 

David nodded slowly, his eyes a dull green, as impassive as glass. She didn't like that he wasn't yelling, that he was barely talking.

"You told Alexa you were with me. You told her we were working things out. You knew-"he paused slowly chewing his words, tasting them almost gagging on his disgust, "you knew she'd do anything to help us. You knew and you didn't care how hard it would be for her to watch Daniel and Clara."

"What's the big deal? What does it matter I got Nathan-"she flinched backing away realizing too late she said the wrong thing.

"You got Nathan!" he edged closer, "you got Nathan who has barely been involved with this family, not that I can fucking blame him!-you got Nathan who is in one dangerous situation after another!"

"So my brother isn't good enough for your family!" Jenny shouted excitement heating her face. She tried to hide it but David caught the flash brightening her eyes. It hit him, he finally understood. Jenny enjoyed this. She enjoyed hurting people; she enjoyed seeing how far they would let her go.

He laughed bitterly, "yeah that's right sweetheart, make this about me and my family, let's forget that you've been gone god knows how long...for what? Another man? Another woman?" He edged closer, she flinched when he reached out to touch her hair and stroke her cheek. He studied her calculating blue eyes, watching as anything beautiful he saw in her faded.

"No-I-"she stammered, trying to figure out how to turn this around. "I just wanted to get away! Are you happy! I just wanted sometime to myself not being someone's wife or mother! I wanted time to be-"

"Fuck you!" he scoffed. "You don't think I know what's going on? You're fucking playing with me and my family, and it stops here! Today I don't really care where you were-what you were doing or who you were doing it with-"his hand gripped tight in her soft brown hair. "You forget what I do, if I wanted to know I could find out." Her heart pounded as his nose brushed hers, his voice was low and husky making her panties drop with moisture, "What I do care about is that you stop hurting my family, so you are going to pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house." He growled his grip tightened jerking her head almost painfully. He let her go so suddenly she stumbled.

"What?" she blinked surprised and hurt.

"Get out." he said simply, evenly taking the beer bottle from her taking a long drink and handing it back to her, before walking away.

"Wait David-no-"he kept walking; he didn't even pause to listen to her. He locked himself in his office. He listened with cold disinterest as she pounded and sobbed against the door, before she gave up and started packing. 

His shoulders slumped and he rested his hands in his palms, hoping he did the right thing.



Connor's body ached and shook with fatigue as he made his way to what had to be the he most uncomfortable couch in creation. It was lumpy with springs and stuffing poking out of its worn interior. He wasn't going to be picky; he'd sleep on a rock if he could lay on it. His muscles vibrated and hummed in a spasm beneath his skin. His nose twitched as coffee brewed it smelled strong and bitter but it was probably what he needed to clear his thoughts. 

He should be thinking about Melendez, how far he's come and how much further he needed to get what he wanted. But he wasn't, he wasn't even thinking of the bruises quickly developing all over his body. He grunted rolling on the couch; he closed his eyes, fighting the image of fiery hazel eyes gazing up at him in mixture of challenge and willingness. He saw her full lips open and her head fall back as she panted calling for him, begging for him. 

"Fuck," he growled.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Connor opened one eye, his fuzzy blue gaze settling on Kenta. A tall dark haired dark eyed black woman. Even in the trashed state she was in now; her hair matted and dirty, her face bruised and lips dry and split she could turn heads. It had t be her dark mysterious eyes promising to fulfill every want and need. She wasn't particularly pretty in the classical sense, more exotic. Her angular face and high cheek bones her lips full and lush. He was sure her body mimicked his in gunshot and stab wounds, which made her even more perfect for him. "Why are you staring at me?"




As It Seems Ch. 08



Connor sat up, "which do you want me to answer first?" as he took the steaming cup of coffee she offered. He winced as he sipped it, it was hot and disgusting, it tasted like tar and piss. 

"Both," Kenta shrugged sitting on the floor in front of him her legs crossed in a meditative style.

"Nothing and no reason," he leaned his head back o the cushion and closed his eyes cursing when he saw Alexa's face again. 

"Look white boy, you fool all these other suckers around here," she waved her hand at the various people hanging out in their quarters. Connor spent so much time there it felt like home, he hardly noticed the computers humming or the clink of typing as the Normans; the freaks and geeks word for normal agents, ran back and forth between each planning the freaks and geeks next move, which never worked. The Normans didn't go into the field they didn't understand that you couldn't plan anything. The Normans were political FBI agents, who were desperate to make it up the chain of command. They worked cases like this one only to show they could get in the dirty. They were graduates of Yale and Harvard unlike the freaks and geeks who graduated from the class of Hard Knox. Connor turned a weary gaze back to Kenta, who was waiting expectantly. He should have known he wouldn't be able to keep anything from her. He sighed in frustration. 

"It's stupid," he said slumping his shoulders running a shaky hand through his hair, as he told her. He told her about Alexa, his sister, his parents, who hated him being a federal agent and him in general. "And it's distracting me."

Kenta studied him, she knew he didn't tell her everything, but in their business you rarely heard the whole truth. She watched his Caribbean blue eyes cloud. She smiled brightly and laughed kicking his foot. "It's so simple I'm surprised you haven't' done it all ready."

"What's that?" he lifted an eyebrow.

"Talk to these people, ask what's going on, this Alexa chick-"

"But I don't have time for this petty bullshit, I have fucking case! As we speak Melendez is probably holding another girl as-"

"Sweetie I know how you feel about this case especially after what happened to Jane, but all of us have lives out side of this. Rerun's wife just had a baby; you don't think he goes in worried about that? Terry's mom is sick...need I go on?" Connor shook his head pushing down the anger at himself, his shit still seemed so petty. "We all have our worries, and that's okay, what's really distracting you is your anger at yourself. Do yourself a favor find out what is really going on?" Kenta stood and kissed him just on the side of his lips. She was right and he knew it, and he was glad he told her. Connor knew that she of all people would understand. Kenta straightened, "c'mon you can shower and sleep at my place tonight and we can talk about Melendez over dinner." She winked before making her way to one of the Normans. "Oh and by the way Rerun's wife is pissed at you for letting him use your bike."

Connor laughed," I'm pretty pissed too, had no choice. Terry made me laugh."

"We knew he would that's why we had him call you." Connor stood with his mouth open, he shouldn't have been surprised he's done it plenty of times to the other agents but for some reason in that moment it was funny and surprising. This was his real family he thought as he followed Kenta, watching her flirt information from one of the Normans before they headed to her place. She was fucking perfect for him. So why was he thinking about Alexa?



As It Seems Ch. 09



Connor bowed his head into his chest protecting his face from the constant sharp slap of cold attacking him. He balled his fists in the pockets of his hoodie, his nails dug into his palms. His fingers started to numb; but he knew if he loosened them he would also loosen his resolve. 

His lips set into a grim line, his gaze cutting sharply around the dark street. No one was following; no one was even on the street in this cookie cutter neighborhood. The cloud covered moon was the only light. Glass from the few streetlights peppered the sidewalk, probably the local teens with not enough chores, homework or discipline to keep them out of trouble. Connor thought with an aggravated sigh as he stopped in front of his destination. He pulled his shoulders back a failed attempt to release the tension and fatigue, he stretched his neck side to side wincing as he heard and felt the cracking relief. Hurt and apprehension manifested as sharp shots of pain through his body. He couldn't tell himself he was just tired and over worked, he knew better. His tongue swelled and he tasted heavy metallic fear. 

This was home, this was his home...once, and this was his family. So why was he more comfortable hanging out with "alleged" drug dealers and gun runners? Why was this suburban paradise so foreign? He looked up at the house again bile rising in his throat. 

You don't belong here, a voice chastised him, and they told you not to come back. Why are doing this you have more important things to think about right now. 

He knew jenny had a propensity for trouble; it seemed to follow her even when there was none to be had. He shouldn't have taken her word, he should have sat back and observed. He should have stayed away at least until he was done with the Melendez case. 

"Stop being a fucking pussy, you've come this far" he huffed angry for letting himself get worked up. Funny he was calmer when he had guns pressed against his temple than at the possibility of seeing disappointment and fear in his mother's eyes and barely concealed hostility in his father's.

Connor gave the door three loud rapid beats. He smiled sardonically; he thought he got rid of that habit.

"What on god's green earth...?" he heard the breathless huff in his mother's voice as she opened the door. He didn't say anything, letting her soak in his presence, giving her the opportunity to embrace him or slam the door in his face. He watched trying to interpret the tears welling in wide blue eyes. Her mouth opened then closed only to open again, "my baby." she whispered with a small strangled voice.

"Hey ma," Connor tried to clear the huskiness from his voice. He couldn't manage to hide his hurt when his mom glanced around him then around the house nervously. She leaned heavily on the door, "Na-Nathan what are you doing here?" she stammered awkwardly. 

He glanced away his face flushing, embarrassed and confused. "I need to talk to Jenny." He mumbled bitterly. He could never get used to this; he could never harden himself against his family's disapproval. First it was because he lacked direction, he was in constant trouble. His dad Peter Michael O'Connor was a hard man and not afraid to discipline his children. Connor got it good a few times, black eyes, busted lip broken limbs here and there. He didn't blame his dad, it straightened him out. But now...now he was on the right side of the law he didn't understand why there was the same distance, the same animosity. What could he do? How could he make this right?

"She's not here." his mother reached out to touch him and he jerked, she let her hand fall slowly as though she could still feel the ghost of his touch.

Suddenly Connor's stomach grumbled. He glanced up his cheeks warming in shame, his nose finally picking up the hearty aroma of beef, potatoes, onions, and carrots simmering in broth; and the sweet fermentation of homemade rolls.

"Are you hungry? Have you been eating? You look-" he softened slightly at his mom's concern. He sunk his fists deeper into his pockets feeling the stretch and strain of the stitches. If he pushed them any deeper he would break the seam.

"I'm good."

"If you're hungry, I mean if you want to come in."

"I should go." They said at the same time, he didn't want to hear her invite him in. He didn't want to hear that uncertain desperation in her voice, or a mother's obligation to care. His jaw locked and a vein in his throat throbbed and pulsed.

"I'm making Irish beef stew. I know how much you love-use to love..." she looked down tears threatening to spill she sniffled and sighed wringing her hands in her apron. "I don't know how to do this." She bit her lip.

"Its okay Ma, I shouldn't have come just tell Jenny it's important I need to talk to her." He cleared his throat his vision blurred.

"Nate- stay." the strain in her voice broke into him. The watery plea made him hate himself more. He never thought being a Federal Agent of the United States would cause this big a rift in his family. He understood or thought he understood they feared for his safety but why did they want to completely cut him out. Why this struggle between them?

"Ma-"he didn't want to say no, but it would probably be better if he did.

"The kids are here and they have been going on and on about you, and they wondered why you left without saying good bye." He heard the unspoken words as clear as if she said them.

"Who's at the door Becca?" Connor tensed at the terse sound of his father's voice. His gaze hardened as he noted the change in his her face. He shouldn't blame her for the sudden weariness but he felt the sting of it. 

"It's..." he saw his father's shadow fall over his mother's small frame before he appeared. As he met his father's gaze he wondered if he ever saw the man smile, he looked ready for life to kick him in the nuts. He tried to read his dad's reaction but couldn't. He braced himself, maybe they would yell, maybe they would come to blows, leading to another estrangement, causing Connor to bury himself anyway he could work, drink, pussy- Alexa he would love to sink his-he stopped his thoughts surprised and frustrated with where they lead him. She should be the last thing on his mind, but she wasn't. She was always there.

His chest tightened with the air he held in his lungs.

"You'd better come in if you're staying for dinner." The older man said and walked away. He heard his mother's shaky exhale and felt his own lungs release in cautious relief. His mom stepped aside to let him through the door lightly, gently touching his arm as though she was worried he would turn around and walk away...the thought wasn't far from his mind. 

***

Anger bubbled in Gauge's chest. His vision was blurred but his eyes burned molten silver as he glared down into dark hurt eyes. Bella shivered under the weight of his gaze. Her chest tight and on fire, she couldn't breath. There wasn't enough air between them in the room, in the world. Her breath came out in short shallow gasps as she fought down seizing sobs.

She read the hurt and betrayal in his eyes, beneath the consuming anger. It had been over two weeks since he was arrested. She finally built up enough courage to face him, but what little she had ignited when she was face to face with him. She cowered her shoulders hunching in a defeated but self preserving stance. She wished she could say she thought this argument would turn bloody and physical like so many with her dad. She wished she could say she thought Gauge would hurt her. But even now with his blood boiling in his cheeks and ears, even now with his hand an iron clasp over her arms violence never crossed her mind.

"Let go of me," she said softly hating the quiver in her voice that gave her away. She was afraid of giving into him, she pushed and pulled but he held her firm. "Let me go," she was panicked unable to meet the swirl of emotion in his hypnotic glare. 

"Fucking look at me!" he demanded shaking her, "two weeks Bella! Two fucking weeks! I worried about you! Worried about what that junkie was doing to you!" Gauge pulled her closer his grip tightening.

"I'm okay, now let me go!" her words were strangled as her throat tightened. She wasn't okay and they both knew it. She wanted to curl into his arms begging for forgiveness, she wanted to be worthy of the love she knew he would give her. It was better if he hated her, she was no good she ruined lives and the fact that he was arrested because of her proved it. Even if her dad's claim was absurd at best, so easily disproven she was surprised he wasn't arrested for making it. She knew he was out of custody with in hours but that just proved what their life would be like if she gave in. Her dad would constantly try and keep them apart and one day he would succeed.

"Wake up Bella! One day that asshole is going to kill you"

"Gauge! Stop let her go!" Alexa appeared from nowhere, prying his hands off Janabelle. She stopped by to see if he was okay and to see if heard from Bella. She used the key he gave her when she heard yelling. Alexa walked in to find Gauge shaking Janabelle like a rag doll.

"He's my dad," her argument was weak, despairing and full of devotion pausing his anger only slightly.

"He's a fucking addict! And you're going to get yourself hurt!" his words were desperate even coated in anger. The tears she struggled to hold back sprang free. He loved her, she loved him. The realization choked her. She couldn't deny the special feelings between them. Her one credit was that she never denied that one fact. She wasn't good for him, good enough for him. The chorus repeated over and over until it drowned out any tender words he'd ever had for her.

"Gauge let her go! You're hurting her!" Alexa gasped using what little strength she had. Her words penetrated his anger and he let her go. He closed his eyes swallowing hard, he was so far gone he didn't know if he could make it back. If he kept his eyes closed maybe this last moment with Bella would last, because he knew after this they would never be the same. He couldn't hear Alexa soothing Bella or Bella's soft shaking voice trying to convince her she was alright. His heart pounded too hard, his blood rushed too fast. He couldn't hear her saying goodbye or the heart breaking finality of her words. Gauge didn't move or open his eyes until he heard the soft click of the door behind her. 

"Fuck her," he growled, "fuck her! FUCK HER!" his voice built in volume and momentum. He let his weight drag him to the floor, covering his face with his hands as sobs wracked his body.

"You don't mean that," Alexa took a cautious step towards him leaning next to him wrapping her arms around his heaving shoulders.

"What do you know? What do you know about relationships-" he stopped. He saw hurt turn her eyes shimmery green. She knew what he was saying. She knew he was about fling every relationship failure in her face including Marcus.

"Ally," he whispered brokenly and she pulled him into her arms ignoring the apology he made out of her name. Her teeth gnawed at her trembling lips. He repeated her name when he heard her distinct sniffle. 

"It's okay," her voice husky and strained as she stilled herself against the waves of emotion.

"It's not okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-I didn't mean-"

"I know sweetie, I-it's okay just forget it." He didn't know what to say or what to do. They sat on the floor his face buried in her shoulder her arms around him protecting him.

***

Connor couldn't ignore the heaviness in the room. It was a thick fog coating everything, suffocating everyone. Full of unasked questions and unrealistic expectations.

"So what are you working on now?" Jenny sat back in her chair eyeing her brother with a hooded gaze. He couldn't be certain but he was sure she was enjoying herself. He glared at her. Bringing up his work was sure to bring on an argument. It always did.

He wondered if it was the dread of getting that knock on the door by some federal bureaucrat thanking them for their son's service to the nation and apologizing for their loss. A wry smile split his lips or maybe it was the company he had to keep, so close to who he used to be. Did they see that wasn't him anymore that now he was doing some good with the knowledge he learned as a troubled teen? 

"Nothing just fixing cars mostly," he shrugged he was done dancing on her little string.

"What about you sis?" he asked innocently. Jenny's smile froze in place.

"Not much," she shrugged in return.

"Guess who I met when I baby sat for you?" he put his napkin down and leaned forward. 

Her eyes flashed at his silent challenge, "who was that?"

"Alexa," he was quiet a few moments letting his words sink in. waiting to see what she would say.

"Really? You never met her before? I could have sworn you met at my wedding." she really was playing this out wasn't she?

It took every ounce of will power not to wrap his hands around her throat. The fact that he was on an assignment when she got married was still an open wound in his family and she just poured salt in it. "I've never met anyone in David's family except for David." He spoke through clenched teeth.

"You've met us Uncle Nathan." Clara piped up as she stuffed a carrot in her mouth. Connor smiled at her.

"That's right sweetheart I just met you and Daniel."

"And now you know my Zia," Daniel said gazing around the table. He knew something was wrong everyone around them was angry and anxious. He frowned trying to understand. "You didn't like her at first-but do you now right?"

Connor shrugged as this little boy interrogated him. "I don't really know her so it's hard to say." He decided to be honest. Daniel could and would be able to hear a lie. 

"She's really nice you should like her." he said with a child's easy finality. 

"You had to leave early didn't you? Some people you had to meet? They didn't come to the house did they?" Connor saw the agitation in Jen's face as her son gushed over his aunt. Her words shocked and hurt him. If it wasn't family he wouldn't have let his guard down he wouldn't have let her words bite into him. 

"You didn't let those people near the children?" his mother's voice quivered. That's really what they thought about him.

"No ma I didn't," his voice low and rough as he glared at his sister. 

"That's enough!" His dad slammed his fist down. "This is a family dinner and if you're going to disrupt it leave." Those were the most words spoken by his dad since he arrived. He endured the awkward silence between them, and his mother's nervous pleading gaze. He had enough, maybe he would come back after Melendez or maybe he would look for an assignment far away and this time stay gone.

He pushed his chair back searching Jen's face one last time. Hoping to find some redeeming quality, some semblance of the little girl he used to protect. He couldn't find it through his hurt. He stood and stormed out side ignoring his mom's stifled gasp and his dad's curses. He felt the stares of his niece and nephew but didn't have the heart or patience to comfort them. All they were going to know was him losing his temper and leaving. First with their aunt and now with their mother. He tried not to let that thought bother him. What should he care about what a few kids remembered about him if they remembered him at all? Connor went out the back door. Cold air slapped his face stopping him cooling his hot temper. He let out a long breath sitting on the porch steps. He stared at the sky, black speckled with stars. The moon was a thin sliver a cloud traveled across the dark aiming to cover its brightness. He went for his pocket pulling out a new pack of cigarettes. He gave the pack three agitated taps before tearing off the cellophane wrapper.

His back tensed when he heard the back door open. He was sure it was his dad storming after him. Telling him what a disappointment he was. Telling him not to come back, that he always was and always would be trouble. He listened to the soft foot steps; it was probably his mom coming to gently urge him away from the house, or maybe Jenny coming to twist another story around. Why? What was the point of this drama and deception? Did she not think his life had enough of that already?

"Uncle Nathan?" he relaxed when he heard the slight but steady voice behind him. 

He glanced back at the little boy holding the hand of a stressed little girl, "hey kiddos," Clara sniffled rubbing her red swollen eyes. "Hey now what is this all about?" He opened his arms and she climbed on his lap. "What's wrong sweetheart," he bounced her gently, kissing the top of her head. The way Daniel held her hand the way he was studying Connor now reminded him of himself. How he used to protect Jenny, how sweet and sensitive she used to be. Maybe she wasn't maybe she always played him. Was this little one in his arms doing the same to him to Daniel? His jaw clenched at the thought. Was alexa in on the game too? What ever was going on between his sister and alexa, or his family's feelings for him he was done. He was over it, he had shit to do; he was working on one of the greatest child trade operations in recent history and he was worried about this petty bullshit. He was fucking done!

Daniel's head leaned to the side when he saw Connor's eyes brighten then darken, his pupils pulsing, "she's scared you're going to leave with out saying good bye again." He said quietly sitting next the stranger he called uncle. He was trying to figure out this man's roll in his family. Everyone talked about him in hushed tones and whispers. They said he was their uncle and he was really nice and fun to be around but if he was their uncle how come he was never around before? His Aunt Alley was a phone a call away even though she always said she was a hug away. And why did this man he called uncle hate his aunt? She was so nice and pretty shouldn't his uncle love his aunt? Daniel smiled when he heard Uncle Nathan singing to Clara a funny song about monkeys jumping on the bed. During the song he felt like the little boy he was supposed to be. He didn't feel trapped in an adult world; he didn't feel the responsibility of keeping his family together or the difficulty of trying to understand what was going on around him.

The song finished and Connor held Clara absently staring out into the darkness. His mind kept reeling back to Melendez, he couldn't help it. How many little girls like Clara were alone and scared being hurt by some sick fuck. Little girls snatched from their homes because someone in their family couldn't meet a debt or because they were in the back seat during a carjack or however he got his girls.

"You hate my aunt alley don't you?" Connor turned his eyes to meet a pair that mirrored his own. He wasn't expecting to find open curiosity.

Connor sighed what could he say? Your mom lied to me and told me your aunt was some bitch sleeping with your dad, should he lie and say he didn't hate her, because when he thought she was sleeping with David he did with unrelenting passion. Even now that he knows it's not true he can feel his dislike of her tormenting him, along with memories of her full soft lips clumsy and curious under his, her hot wet pussy wrapped around his finger milking it for release. 

"Like I said earlier I don't really know her.,' he said moving Clara to sit beside them instead of on his lap. 

"Then why were you so mean to her?" 

"I thought she was someone else. I thought she wanted to hurt you all."

"My Alley is so nice she reads me stories, and tucks me in, and has tea parties with me," Clara bounced excitedly he smiled as her face lit up talking about Alexa. He couldn't help the twinge of jealousy. He knew they would never feel that way about him, but he made his choice, he could live with it knowing he was making the world better for them.




As It Seems Ch. 09



"Then why were you yelling at her?" Connor winced

"I'm sorry about that kid I shouldn't have yelled at her or you, I misunderstood the situation."

"Was it because my mom doesn't like her? Sometimes she does stuff to hurt Aunt Alley."

"I don't remember giving either of you permission to be out here." Connor noticed a new bleakness in Daniel's eyes and wanted to question it, the little boys face seemed to age years. "Well?" Jenny stood behind him tapping her foot and crossing her arms, "go inside and get washed up and head straight for bed." Jenny glared down at Daniel. Connor's lips quirked as Daniel met her glare with one of his own before taking Clara's hand and leading her into the house.

"Do you see what they are doing to my children?" Jenny demanded her arms folded across herself, tears shimmering her eyes. 

"Who?" Connor asked his eyes sharpening looking for any sign of lying. 

Her eyes hardened, "the fucking Hadrian's, they are turning my children against me. They are making me the enemy."

"What's going on with you and them?" he stood towering over her. She always forgot how tall he was, she took a step back intimidated by his height and the intensity of his eyes. He was seeing into her and she didn't like that. 

"They hate me," her voice wavered; Connor listened to the minute changes in her voice, searching for lies. "Don't ask why because I don't know. It's Alexa she's always-"

Connor took a slow step forward, "she what?" he demanded dangerously, Jenny could barely contain her excitement misunderstanding Connor's agitation. She wanted as many people to hate Alexa as possible. If she were honest she'd admit she was jealous, Alexa was everything she wanted to be, she was perfect and beautiful and so exotic Jenny knew she could never compete. "Did she try to steal your husband? Bad mouth you to your kids? What did she do jenny! Because all I can see is you trying to hurt that girl! And for what? What did she do?" Jen's excitement faded igniting into anger, she had him too, her own brother turned against to side with Alexa.

"You're on her side!" she accused

"I don't have time to be on anyone's side, but I have to tell you out of everything I've seen and heard so far I miss judged that girl. And it was because I listened to you. I believed you!"

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"You're goddamn right I am and what I want to know is why?" Jenny turned to storm off and Connor caught her arm holding it tight. She faced him her chin held up in defiance her eyes gleaming.

"Take her side and go to hell!"

"Really? Is this how we're going to do this? Do you know how I treated that girl? The things I said and thought about her? The things I thought about doing to her! Because you're jealous of her for whatever reason!" he shook jenny, she clenched her teeth to keep them from rattling.

"Oh no you're not going to blame me for that you seemed pretty ready to see the worst. What is it Connor is your work getting to you? Is everybody your enemy now? You can't see fault in Alexa so now you're blaming me for whatever fucked up ideas were going through your head? What were you going to do? Call in a favor? Make her disappear?" Jenny laughed when he shoved her away from him in disgust. Was it with her or himself?

Connor stepped back as though she punched him, "you know what little sister, and the next time your life is falling apart don't come to me! And don't blame anyone but yourself, as of now I am fucking done with this whole fucking family. Tell Ma she can keep her candle lit," Connor waved his hand at the candle flickering in the window, "and tell dad he's right his son is dead, the same goes to you I'm fucking dead!" He turned ready to storm off. Why did he do this to himself? He should have left everything as it was, he should have stayed a stranger.

"Wait Connor-"Jenny felt panic rise up, this isn't what she wanted. This isn't how this was supposed to go. She grabbed his arm.

"Fuck you! Let me go!"

"No what about my kids, they already love you-and you're my brother, believe it or not I love you and miss you! I need you." Genuine tears burning her eyes, suddenly this wasn't a game to turn people against Alexa. Now it was about stopping her brother from walking out of her life.

"Are you still playing that game save it you weren't too concerned about me while you were yanking my chain, as for the kids they're young they'll forget me..." he left the rest unsaid. Music muffled in Connor's pocket, "Connor," he barked hardened to Jen's upturned tear streaked face.

He turned and walked away, "yeah I'm free tonight. I'll be there soon."

"Connor-"she reached out again but put her hand down when she saw the venom firing through his dark blue gaze. In that moment she regretted ever hurting him. She never wanted to see his eyes that dark blue again, not his beautiful bright eyes now darker than the night sky.

"Tell Daniel and Clara I said goodnight," Jenny nodded dumbly afraid if she said anything else she'd push him even further away. She stepped back as he left without a backwards glance. She knew he would come back, he always did at some point he just needed to cool off.

***

Alexa stared out of the window into the house next door with heart wrenching longing. It was hard to this close to the kids and not visit. She knew how Jen's family felt about her, but as far as Jenny was concerned she never knew what was going on in her head, no one ever really knew. She wondered when the last time Connor visited his family. Was he over there now? Why did he pop up now out of nowhere? What should she call him? Nathan? Connor? Or her particular favorite Asshole. She snorted shaking thoughts of Connor and his family out of her head. She was on a date she shouldn't be thinking about anything else but having a good time.

She left Gauge over an hour ago. She wanted to stay, but he pushed her out telling her he was fine and that he wanted her to have a good night with Allen. She didn't even think he remembered her mentioning her date, but apparently he did.

"I feel bad enough for yelling at you, don't make me feel worse by missing your date." he kissed her forehead "thank you Alley, for being here." She smiled and nodded, "call me if you need anything and here's some cash-"

"Gauge-"

"Before you say anything tell me does your dad or brother know you're seeing anyone?" she bit her lip shaking her head. She wanted to keep this simple, just to herself for a while. She knew Gauge wouldn't say anything until she was ready. "So I'm already in trouble if they find out I knew so don't add to it by not taking some emergency money, and is this what you're wearing? You know incase I have to report you missing." He winked through puffy red eyes.

"Gauge," she rolled her eyes

"Alexa," he mocked folding his arms.

"Yes, dad this is what I'm wearing." He opened the car door for her and she stepped in.

He shivered, "love it when she calls me daddy," he winked closing it. "I'm serious call me if-"

"I will," she smiled starting her car and waving as she drove off. 

"Are you feeling okay Al?" Allen' voice made her jump. He was behind her his arm stretching over her shoulder to offer a cup of steaming liquid. She inhaled smiling a thank you.

"Yes, I'm okay, I just-"she shrugged looking up at him. "I don't know." She sighed; she didn't know how to be around him. He was so sweet, thoughtful, and beautiful the way his white teeth contrasted against his dark skin. His full lips always curved into a ready smile. She could see why he was a doctor and why he was always on call. She knew his phone would buzz sometime tonight, it always did. It didn't make her angry although it could get annoying. Mostly she was proud that he wanted to spend his free time with her. "I'm sorry I-"

He turned her towards him holding her chin up gently, noting the slight wince. His eyes softened to a velvety brown, he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to take away whatever bad experience she in the past that mad her so distant. 

"Don't apologize; just tell me what's on your mind." His full lips brushed her forehead. She closed her eyes letting the warmth buzz in her stomach. She leaned into him he took the mug from her sitting it down. She wrapped her arms around him. He made it all sound so easy, like she could just open her mouth and tell him everything. 

She almost did," no I don't want to talk about it, I just want to be here with you," she glanced up quickly at him, biting her lip. 

"What ever you want sweetheart," he smiled kissing the top of her nose. "Dinner's almost ready."

"What did you make? It smells so good." Her nose twitched to all the spices including what ever was in that mug. "What's in the mug?" she asked grabbing as he led her to the kitchen.

"What do you want me to answer first?" he laughed. 

"Both," she crossed her arms over her chest belligerently.

"Okay cute stuff, for dinner we're having a bit of southern comfort. Smothered steak and rice, greens and macaroni and cheese. As for the mug it's blackberry tea." He saw the worried expression on her face.

"Umm I don't know I've never really eaten food like that."

"Really, what sort of food do you usually eat?" he lifted a lid and stirred the pot. 

"Mostly Italian, some French, whatever mommy H or Gauge makes up and they never really did southern food."

"Tell me about your family," he said pulling out a barstool for her, so she could sit next to him while he finished up.

"Not much to tell really," she shrugged. "I was adopted by the Hadrian's when I was about 6 and it became official when I was about 8 or 9." She lowered her eyes to her mug as she sipped the tea. Hiding from his scrutiny, she didn't have to look at him to see it. It was always there when people saw her with Hadrian's or they found out she was adopted. She knew the questions that would come next. Did she grow up in a group home, did she know her parents, was she ushered to and from foster homes, was she abused, did her parents leave her and drive off somewhere, did she ever plan on looking for her natural parents? People seemed to love to make a guessing game out of her life; they saw it as an opportunity live out the drama's they saw on TV. It only really hurt when they guessed right.

He didn't ask her anything, but she felt his eyes on her, she felt the admiration and appreciation. He waited patiently for her to say more and she found herself wanting to, but what if his attitude about her changed when he found out about her mother. When she found out that her father was probably a Jon to support her mother's habit.

"My papa was a detective investigating a murder scene," she waited for the gasp and shock but he only pulled up a chair next to her and rubbed her back like he knew it would ease the lump in her throat. "I was hiding in the closet, my mother was the victim, one of her clients beat and strangled her." should she say it was because the Jon wanted Alexa and her mother was just barely sober enough to stop him? Should she tell him that her mother told her to hide? Should she tell him she heard her mommy's voice in her head telling her not to be afraid of the man opening the door because that was her papa. "He found me hiding and picked me up. Every time he tried to hand me off to someone I cried, they thought I would calm down but I didn't they say I cried for three days and I wouldn't eat, so papa came back for me and took me home with him. The Hadrian's were the only people I felt safe around, I don't know why they adopted me but..." she shrugged her eyes lifting to meet his. He leaned forward his lips grazed hers; it was such a light tender kiss she almost wondered if it really happened. The only proof was the tingling buzz and his guilty smirk.

"You didn't have to tell me that, but I'm glad you did. Thank you. C'mon dinner's ready." He said gently tugging her ponytail. He saw how difficult it was for her to share and let her off the hook. Is this what it was supposed to feel like to date someone? That stolen kiss was the closest he's ever been to forcing an issue. She felt respected, liked, appreciated. He had yet to ask her to sleep with him. She didn't feel any pressure it felt sort of like an old fashion courtship. And she liked it. The only thing missing was him asking her father's permission which she knew he would have. Although, sometimes she wondered if he was distant out of respect or out of something else. Did he know with every touch she compared it to how it felt when Connor touched her all those weeks ago? Did he know that some nights she touched herself trying to mimic the same feeling only to feel dirty, ashamed and angry with herself for having any sort of feelings for someone like Connor?

They sat at the table he replaced her mug with the iced version of the blackberry tea. "Tell me about your family." She said before taking a sip from her glass. "How'd you end up with this house? What made you become a doctor?" Allen loved her curiosity about him and his life, most girls pretended to be interested until they found out how much money he made, then they would try to trap him into marriage. He liked that she took things slow. She wasn't trying to get him to bed even though it killed him to keep his hands off of her. She was so sexy and didn't know it in her lady like mannerisms. The way she looked up at him shy and curious, the little blushes when she told embarrassing stories about her self.

He smiled sadly, "my mother had a drug problem and left when I was a little boy, Me-momo took care of me. This was her house," he saw Alexa's eyes water and used his napkin to dab at her eyes, "I came back to take care of her. She's in early stage of dementia but I'm not here enough to take care of her so I moved her into a nursing home not to far away. I try to visit everyday. I'm friends with the head nurse so I know it's nice place." He felt guilty for putting her in there; he wished he had the time to take care of her needs. He even tried to get her a private nurse it just didn't work. She wondered off too many times. "Some days she remembers me..."he shrugged, "some days..."his voice trailed off.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked." She took the napkin in his hand and finished dabbing her eyes.

"No I'm glad you did, how do you like the food?" 

"It's really good I've never had rice with gravy before it was always mashed potatoes. Actually I've never really had any of this except for the Mac and cheese, I think it's the best I've ever had."

"Thanks just make sure you save room for dessert."

Her eyes lit up a shimmering green gold as she asked what they were having.

"What southern dinner would be complete without peach cobbler and ice cream?"

"I think I want to marry you." They both laughed but Allen knew she was what he wanted. He did want to marry her and he knew if he said it she would clam up. She was just starting to let down her guard. He'd give her time, he'd take this slow. He didn't think it would hit him so fast or so hard. 

They moved into the living room to let dinner settle before dessert. He laughed when he put on some jazz, she scrunched her nose and shook her head, and "you don't like jazz?"

"No," she lowered as though confessing a sin. "My last boyfriend tried to get me into it but..." she sighed and shrugged. It was the first time she mentioned her ex and he wondered about it. He wondered what type of relationship it was. He had an idea which is why he didn't push for more.

"What kind of music do you like?"

"I like almost anything-what I said almost!" he lifted his eyebrows in accusation. "I like a lot of music, mostly pop though. I know it's not unique or individual but that's what I like." Her voice trailed off as he sat next to her. Her cheeks tingled, a blush flirting to bloom. 

His hands went to her face; feeling the heat rising in her. He leaned into her slowly giving her the chance to pull away. His lips pressed into hers. A moan fluttered in her throat. He felt her tense and relax only to tense again. His thumbs rubbed up and down the line of her jaw her mouth opened under his. Her stomached flipped her body vibrated. So much like what she felt when Connor touched her, but this was softer more tender. It wasn't a gut wrenching need devouring her. She felt his body guiding hers down and fear took over. 

"No," she pushed away gasping for breath jumping to her feet, "I'm sorry I can't-I-I-"her breathing came in short and desperate. 

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to push. Come here have a seat." He tried to guide her to the couch and she jumped back, "relax sweetheart," he pulled her to him rocking her and rubbing her back as she tried to push away. Her breath quickened.

I can't breath! She panicked her heart pounding, her vision blurring and stinging with tears. She knew Allen was still there. She could hear him talking to her, talking her out of her hysteria. But his voice sounded so distant she could barely hear it through the blood rushing between her ears. The room was spinning dark spots and white flashes appeared in front of her. I'm dying! I'm dying! She thought over and over, there's not enough air! I'm going to die! I can't breath! 

"Alexa look at me, calm down, look at me. Relax you're okay you're having a panic attack. Breath in deep for me." Her tears puddled in his palms as he held her face up. His voice was tight and controlled. She felt herself calming down. He took long deep breaths and she followed his lead. "Here let me get you some water-"

"No," she held on to him, hiccups and sniffles made her voice husky and choppy.

"I'll be right back," he kissed her forehead. Shame burned through her. Allen handed her the glass keeping a close eye on her breathing, watching for any sign of relapse. She took a short sip. The cool water helped calm her burning cheeks and eased the constriction in her throat.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what happened." Allen stepped towards her and she took a step back.

"Has it happened before?"

"Yes-no-sort of not quite like that." She gasped.

"What happened?"

She thought of Connor, he was on top of her, holding her down she felt the same heaviness in her chest. The same shortness of breath. If nothing else she was relieved that she didn't flash back to that night with Marcus.

"I-"she opened her mouth and closed it again. Every time she opened it she croaked for air.

"Stop, honey, stop." Allen pulled her in a hug. "Whatever it is you obviously can't talk about it. Just know that I will never push you into anything." As he said that his phone sang out. "Ignore it" he said when she looked over at it then at him. 

"No I should go, thank you for...everything" she kissed his lips before leaving. He called after her and swore as he picked up the phone.

***

Janabelle pushed back tears and frustration. She gnawed her lip fighting the urge to turn back. She knew she hurt him, but being with him would hurt more. She didn't have a path she was a floating disaster. She was waiting for the day she turned into her mom, absent and probably alone or maybe even dead. Bella wondered at the possibility that she was still alive. She hadn't heard form her since she was ten. If she was alive was she still using or did she straighten up completely leaving behind her past including an unwanted daughter. What if she gave in to Gauge and he did the same, she would never be able get over that. It was better this way, to end their friendship while she had good memories. She quit the pub so she wouldn't have to be around him, so she couldn't find reasons to brush against him or have him tickle her and call her munchkin. She laughed through her tears. 

I should just move away, why not leave everything behind? I could be free just like her. Nothing holding me back or down. I won't have to spend my life waiting for him to OD I won't have to think about anyone but me. She thought as she opened the door.




As It Seems Ch. 09



"Where the fuck has you been? Had better not be with that skinny white boy again. I called the cops once I'll do it again!" her dad cornered her grabbing her wrist twisting it down.

"Let me go," she said through gritted teeth. Her word ringing familiar isn't that what she just told Gauge to do?

"I'm your father you talk to me with respect!" he slapped the back of her head. Her ears rang and vision blurred. She gasped, instinctively pushing him back. He tripped over his feet barely able to stand straight. She shook her head to clear the buzzing.

"You want respect!" she yelled, her body trembled her stomach knotted, "how am I supposed to respect you! I can't remember the last time you were sober! Can you daddy?" her voice was mixture of desperation and anger, love and hate.

He stalked over to her, he tried to tower above her but his vision was so glassy and the world around him spun, "gal you better watch your fucking mouth." his hand rough as he gripped her cheek. His hands were heavy sand paper cutting into her skin. So different from Gauge's firm but soft hands. She wanted to be with him now and she was holding back to take care of this asshole! The flash of hurt and loss softened her. She let down her guard; his fist came down hard on the left side of her cheek. She gasped falling back against the door. He pointed down his eyes dark and murky full of threats, "you will fucking respect me. Don't think you're all high and mighty because you hang out with that white boy. And don't think he wants anything from you but to see what it's like to have some black pussy." She wondered how he could aim so easily at her heart and not even be able to stand straight. 

"Who would want a little black thing like you any way? You're probably not even good for nothing' but laying on your back and maybe not even that." He kicked his foot into her side making her gasp and curl into herself. He went between yelling at her and mumbling to himself, but she couldn't hear anything blood rushed through her ears. She bit on her tongue to keep from crying out. What good would it do to fight back? He was so much bigger standing over 6' foot tall his build so heavy and compact even with all of the abuse to his body. His dark glowing eyes made him even more intimidating. 

Bella's heart hammered. She heard the familiar crack in her nose as his fists came down hard. Blood burned a path down dripping onto her lips, her ears rang, her head swam. She choked slowly shaking her head to stop the room from spinning. His voice was in and out of her head, she couldn't focus.

She lost track of all the names he called her, of how many times he kicked her before he tired himself out sitting on the floor next to her. The buzzing in her head eased and she could hear his shuddering sobs. 

"Baby, baby Oh my God, Please baby I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'd never hurt my little girl." She would have laughed if she didn't think she was about to wretch. She knew he believed it despite the blatant evidence of his lie. Her body echoed with kicks and punches. She licked her lips and winced. The overly sweet metallic flavor of blood soaked through her tongue. She tried to measure her injuries based on the pain she was in. Bella was positive her nose was broken again, her lip was split. She couldn't be too worried about that, there was nothing a doctor could do if she went anyway. It was the constant ringing in her ears, the dizziness when she tried to move, the overwhelming need to throw up that had her panicked and fed up with life. She laughed at herself again, what life did she have, she was as trapped by her father's addiction as he was. She didn't have the strength or wits to flinch when her father pulled her into his arms. She didn't feel the same comfort as when Gauge held her. Even when Gauge was so angry with her she thought he'd explode he'd pull her close and whisper to her gently persuading her to see his side. Realization cleared her mind filling her with determination. Gauge loved her. He really loved her, and her father blinded her to it. She gave him up for this? She was sacrificing the one thing the one person who loved her because she was afraid of loosing or disappointing him. She had just done both with nothing to show for it in the end but another broken nose and busted lip. Who knew what else would get bruised, busted or broken before the night was over?

Bella knew she wasn't good enough for Gauge and she proved it over and over again. Instead of denying him she should be inspired to make herself worth his love. The ringing stopped and awareness zeroed in. Her father was rocking her kissing her forehead. His tears mingled with her own burning her open cuts. He sobbed empty promises he had made a hundred thousand times before. She stood fighting waves of nausea.

"I'm not doing this anymore." She said, her words grounded her. Her voice didn't have the usual fluctuation of uncertainty. She was stating a fact. She was done; she already lost too much to keep going on like this. "I can't do this anymore, daddy, I can't keep-"she raised her arms as words failed her. She waved her arms in front of her face to indicate the whole picture.

"No baby, I won't do it again, I'll get help. I'll get clean." His word didn't reach her. He made that promise so many times, and she always hoped always imagined...so much time had been wasted hoping. He stood over her edging her into the wall. "Don't leave me," he begged hugging her. She winced and gasped as he caused more pain than comfort, squeezing her tender bruises. She felt the desperation of his grasp.

"I can't daddy; I can't-just let me go." She finally understood him and his actions. She understood the words he literally pounded into her head over the years. She was worthless, she was going to end up like her mother, and she ruined his life. He didn't want her to leave. If hope were wings he clipped hers off with his brutality. He made certain she couldn't fly away.

"If you think-"she smiled through swollen lips feeling the crusty scab crack. 

"That's not going to work, I'm done with this. I'm leaving dad. Either on my feet or in a body bag but either way this ends tonight." She braced herself lifting her head and squaring her shoulders. She pulled out of his shocked grasp. His grip branded her arms. His eyes widened flashing with fear and anger. Sweat beaded down his face. She knew the truth of her words just then, she knew the only way he'd let her go was in a body bag. Her only regret was not giving herself and Gauge a chance. 

"You're going to end up dead just like your no good mama." His words knocked the wind out of her, shocking her in to stillness. He used her shock to jump on her slapping, punching, swearing. She blocked him as she gained enough power to push him back. Her foot caught his stomach and her legs propelled forward hitting him hard knocking him back. He tripped over his feet falling back his head landing with a loud ding on the coffee table. 

She scrambled up and back waiting for him to charge her again. He didn't, he stared at her stunned as blood poured from his head. She couldn't see how bad he was hurt. Her right eye was swelling and filling with liquid and blood was pouring into her left eye. Adrenaline pumped through her pushing her into action. She grabbed her emergency back pack and ran out the door. She kept running until she reached the only safe place she knew. The only place she could escape his clouded gaze. 

***

Gauge walked down the street, he thought about going to Alexa's to apologize. His words were harsh but he decided against it. He would go see her later. Right now he just wanted to loose himself. A friend invited him to a house party. That's where his late night walk was taking him. 

He knew he was getting close. He could feel the pounding beats and rhythm of the music through the sidewalk. His ears perked he followed the faint sound until it became louder and louder. Until the music was so loud it pumped through his veins and made everything around him bounce. 

The house over flowed with people dancing, laughing, talking, smoking, drinking. He hesitated maybe he should go to Bella try to make her listen to him, understand that he wasn't going to hurt her. He cursed himself. How many times had he done that already? Anger covered his hurt. It was fine if she wanted nothing to with him. What the fuck did he care if she quit the pub to get away from him. So he wasn't going to her again. He blocked out images of what her father was probably doing to her right now. She made her choice and now both of them would have to live with it. He was going to forget her and move on.

He squeezed through dancing bodies towards the plastic cups sitting on the table. The cups were full of some bright neon red liquid. He sniffed it, "holy sweet mother," he choked he couldn't tell what it was but he was sure that he might go blind if he drank it. It was just what he needed. He glanced around there was no sign of his friend but he couldn't see through all the smoke and meshed bodies any way. It was better that he didn't see him he just wanted to hang. He wanted to loose himself in music, and booze, and if he found the right table he maybe able to find stronger amnesia. What he assumed was the living room was littered with people and every so often there was a table set with different extracurricular activities.

He wouldn't let himself think of Bella. He was on drugs when he met her. She didn't know it, she never knew it. He wasn't addicted it was just something he did as recreation. Some people play sports, some people watch movies, and some smoke bowls of skunk weed. He let out a sigh before he sat at one of the tables. It would be the perfect way to forget those large soulful dark eyes, that beautiful soft brown skin, the sound of her voice, the dimple in her left cheek-"fuck!" he growled.

"Hey man nothin' to get upset over there's more on the way," one of the men at the table said puffing on sloppy half smoked joint. Gauge frowned slightly and realized someone was taking the empty bowl away. It was quickly replaced along with wrappers and lighters. He pulled a wrapper for himself and neatly laid the sweet smelling herbs on it. "And if you want to add a cherry to your sundae the table over there has some dust." The same dude who promised a refresher said slowly. His eyes were closed he had long blonde hair. His voice mellowed out by years of use. He looked like a throw back from the 60's.

"Thanks man." Gauge said before licking the wrapper closed, "this is good for now." He stared at the joint. He licked his lips. He missed feeling the paper on his lips, the feeling of ease the smoke gave him, but what he really missed was Bella. He wasn't sure if he could face her again if he lit-up. If he smoked it then he was admitting that there was no hope for them. He couldn't let that go, there was the chance she'd come around. But it had to be her. He couldn't chase her or force her to feel like he did. 

He looked up and gazed around the room. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. Someone was watching him, "c'mon man don't pussy out!" he gritted his teeth, the music hammered in his head making it throb.

"I can't man, my P.O. has it out for me." Connor said turning his eyes to meet Spice. 

"Dude, we'll take care of your P.O. just have a taste." Mackey sat on the couch eyeing Connor and Spice. Maybe that was the gaze Connor felt on him or it was probably D.J. mean mugging him from afar. Spice was one of Melendez's head men. Connor wasn't sure what he did but he knew you couldn't make it very far with Melendez if Spice didn't dig you. He was short and thin his body ripped with lean muscle. He looked like he had 1% body fat. His skin was smooth and bright as manicured as his finger nails. 

The tray of white powder was tempting. He'd do anything to stop the merciless pulse in his head. He eyed the lines he could easily blow this. If he sniffed this case was over, if he didn't he wouldn't get any further than he was right now. He pulled out his wallet taking out an old tattered bill. He rolled it tight. He glanced up again giving himself a few moments to think of an out, when his gaze met with a familiar silver one. 

Gauge had an un-smoked joint in his hand and he was staring at Connor in half shock and half disbelief. What the fuck was Gauge doing here? Was Janabelle or Alexa here too? Gauge's head leaned to the side silently asking why Connor was there. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He worried that Gauge would approach him. He had to do this, he had to do it fast and it had to be done just right. He leaned foreword. He pulled the line back. When it was gone he pressed his nose with his fingers and as he pulled it down using slight of hand he plucked a hair to make his eyes water. 

"Goddamn!" he shook his head. He licked his lips freezing as crystals stuck on his tongue. The bitterness puckered his mouth and he almost snatched the smirk off of Spice's face. It wasn't coke, it was fucking baking powder! Connor's face flushed. His life! His career! Almost ended over some fucking baking powder. If he didn't lick his lips he would have never even known. He glanced at the floor making sure there was no evidence of what he really did with it.

"That was some good shit wasn't it?" Spice winked.

"It was fucking baking powder!" he growled.

"Man, told you not to worry about your P.O. we just had to make sure you were down." Spice shrugged his demeanor changing. Now he was serious the same cold calculation he saw in Melendez's eyes were in Spice's. "I've fucked with you enough tonight, this is a party, go have some fun and I'll call you later for some real money." Spice dismissed him eyeing a girl dancing. 

"Cool, later." He said unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. He was sure nobody heard him anyway. Mackey was talking to a girl who just sat down and Spice inclined his head to the girl dancing. She walked over to him and sat on his lap. 

"C you want one?" Mackey asked nipping at the girl's neck. 

"No, I need to get some sleep; I'll check ya'll later." He walked away he should have stayed to see if he could find out anything, but he was fucking tired. So tired of games and lies he just wanted to sleep the day off. Besides he had to get Gauge out of here and the girls too. He glanced around the room. No sign of Gauge. He should be relieved but he wasn't there was still a chance the he or the girls might be here. Just as Connor let out a breath of relief that they weren't there he heard commotion outside. 

"What the fuck is yo' problem?" he saw a tall well built man sticking his fingers in someone's face. He had a sinking feeling that the white hand that pushed it out of his face belonged to Gauge.

"Right now asshole it's you." Connor pushed his way through the gathering crowd. He closed his eyes just what he fucking needed. When opened them again the two men were face to face. Gauge wasn't backing down even thought the other man was the same height and out weighed him by about 100 pounds. The other man pushed Gauge backwards. 

"If you wanted to fucking dance..." Gauge said his fist cracked into the man's jaw. There was a collection of ooohs and ahhhs from the crowd. Connor winced as blood squirted out. The man touched his mouth, looked at Gauge then at the crowd. Connor knew this man was more concerned about his pride than anything else and that was really dangerous situation. 

"Break it up," Connor jumped in before anymore punches were thrown. Gauge stared at him blankly. As he dragged him away. 

"No you don't mothafucka I got yo' ass!'' the other man pushed Connor out of the way jumping on Gauge. He only had the advantage for a minute before Gauge recovered rolling on top of him matching blows and blood. He made this man the personification of his frustration beating it into the concrete. 

"Enough!" Connor picked Gauge up dragging him cussing and screaming.

"Dude I can't believe you let that skinny white boy beat yo' ass!" someone in the background laughed. Connor's legs moved quick as he dragged Gauge along.

"Let's go we need to get the fuck out of here."

"He got a gun!" somebody shouted and everyone screamed ducking running for cover. 

"Fuck! Inside!" they made it to his car just before shots rang out. Connor ran too the other side stabbing his key in the ignition almost breaking it in half as he turned it. They both could still hear the shots ringing and people screaming as he peeled out.

"You need a hospital." He said glancing at Gauge once they were a safe distance away. He was holding his side and blood gushed from his face. 

"I'm cool, I just need to go home." He croaked gasping as he moved in the seat. "Take a left at the next light."

"If I can't talk you into going to the hospital at least let me take you to Bella" Gauge let out a snort and turned his head. It wasn't lost on Connor but now wasn't the time to ask, "then Alexa-"

"She's on a date-I'm good just too much to drink." Connor felt like he was punched in the gut. He spent nights thinking about her dreaming about her. Lying to himself about his motive for wanting to take Gauge to her. He wanted to see her. Even if she was yelling or glaring or trying to ignore him. He thought keeping his distance would break her free from his mind. 

"Is it serious?"

"I don't know," Gauge shrugged honestly. He wasn't surprised by Connor's question. "He hasn't met her folks yet, until then I would say no. he has to get Papa Jo's approval. Hang a right." Gauge studied Connor, "you should call her she's been worried."

"About what she can't stand me."

Gauge shrugged, "if you say so. This building. By the way if you do talk to her let's keep this field trip between us." Gauge got out of the car.

"You really need a hospital. Or at least-" Connor sighed as Gauge waved him off. He wondered what Gauge saw at the party. If he would tell alexa he was a user along with all of the other awful things he knew she thought about him. She looked at him with undisguised disgust.

"Thanks for helping me, and don't worry about me telling anyone anything. Just don't get too caught up in that shit." Gauge said before limping to his door. Connor nodded, he set his lips into a grim line to stop the explanation ready to run through him. Part of his job was making people think the worst about him. 

"Call me if you need anything." He said leaving as Gauge entered his apartment. 

Gauge closed the door behind him locking out the world. He leaned against it and sighed. His body throbbed as he stumbled to his bedroom. Frustration made his eyes heavy with tears. 

A street light invaded his curtains casting a bright blue light into his room falling on his bed. He frowned squinting his eyes, there was a petite silhouette curled under his covers. He moved closer he felt a mix of anger and relief. He knew the only reason she would be there. He knew if he turned on the lights and studied her face she'd be bruised and swollen. He was happy that she came to him even after the things he said to her. He reached out to touch her and she moved kicking off the covers, exposing her beautiful brown legs. She was searing one of his rolling stones t-shirts and it was bunched up her thighs showing off her white cotton panties. His body responded and he groaned. He backed away, he needed to clean himself up and assess the damage. He'd sleep on the couch and make sure she couldn't sneak off in the morning. 

He alternated between hot and cold water in his shower gritting his teeth as he tried to bring his body under control. He lay on the couch tossing and turning he stared into the darkness, his mind racing. He needed to hold her. She was here and he needed to be close even if she ran away tomorrow. Tonight he could hold her. He went in to his room easing in beside her.




As It Seems Ch. 10



The alarm screeched in Connor's ear. He tensed blinking, letting his eyes focus and adjust to the rays of sun forcing their way through his curtains. His head was throbbing. he contemplated his day covering his eyes with his fore arm. He could try to sleep but he was sure nightmares would haunt him even in the protection of day light. He shivered sweat cooling.

He swallowed hard, closing his eyes against the images taking control of him. In his dark dreams it was Alex a he saw at the party not Gauge. It was flashing green-gold eyes glaring at him instead of curious gray ones. It was her petite frame he pulled out of the crowd bleeding and bruised. It was her he dragged away as bullets zipped passed them.

"Keep running," he shouted but the words didn't come out his chest was heavy and it was getting harder to pull her along. He had to get her away had to get her somewhere safe. She stumbled falling soft on the ground. She cried for him, calling his name. "you have to get up!" he picked her up blood trailed down her face, she was lifeless on the ground, her body sprawled like a forgotten rag doll

"Fuck!" he shouted jerking up the dream was so real he hadn't even realized he fell asleep. He shivered as his skin puckered with cool sweat and colder fear. He covered his face with his hands and rubbed them back until the were pushing his damp curls from his face. "what the fuck?" he demanded to the empty room, "you are a fucking idiot" he muttered to himself it wasn't the first time his dreams about Alexa got to him but this one...this left him so cold and scared he was sick with it. His emotions a storm of conflict turning from disgust to anger that she could push her way into his thoughts just like she pushed her way into is life.

He wished he could stay in bed and sleep off the consistent gnawing in his head, but he knew he would toss and turn with dark images of Alexa. He didn't have the patience or the courage to ask himself why she was so impressed in his mind. He swung his legs over the bed his feet thudding heavily on the carpet carrying all the weight he felt. 

He stepped into the shower. Steaming pellets of water drumming against his skin. It massaged his his aching worn body. He pressed his head against the cool tile. He grit his teeth and forced himself to swallow the lump of bile in his throat. After Melendez he'd ask for a transfer. No other case gripped into him like this and it was all because he was physically closer to his family.

*

Alexa could barely open her eyes. They were puffy and swollen. Her throat ached from a night of sobbing and her skin was still tender and sensitive from last night's blast of scorching water. A noise similar to a groan but closer to a croak rumbled out of her chest as she thought about how she ran out of Allan's house and wondered how she would ever have the courage to face him again. Her phone vibrated on the night stand blinking and dancing for her attention. It had done that all night. She knew it had to be Allen with a bunch of questions she didn't want to answer.

What is wrong with her? The world was closing in on her. she was so afraid, afraid of him, afraid of how he would feel about her if she told him the truth. She knew she should talk to him, but what could she say? She couldn't hide behind anger. Any harsh words would fade when she saw the sincerity in his dark eyes or the concern molded on his dark brown face. She could almost hear the lullaby of his voice flowing out like soothing music.

She knew the truth about herself and should have told him. There had to be plenty of women out there who could give in to him . Between the new fits she was having and her frigidity...oh she knew she was frigid Marcus told her often. she knew she could never be what he deserved and no doubt wanted in a woman. It didn't help that whenever he touched her her mind and her response were linked to Connor. Connor of all people angry, dangerous, bullheaded Connor. She spent the evening home alone between crying and forcing herself to over come her fear and anxiety about her body about sex and only managed to hate herself and the idea of sex more. She tried to manipulate her her body the way Connor had. She couldn't duplicate the driving hunger he caused or the breathing taking release he punished from her. Frustration and shame rotated in union with her hips making her movements awkward and rythmless.

Now she covered herself with her blanket wanting to forget last night's attempts and drown out the persistent buzzing. She had to brake up with Allen. She had to let go before his patience turned into violence or his interest turned into conquest.

*

Bella felt the strong steady beat of Gauges heart thudding into her back. She loved the music their hearts created together giving her hope, giving her courage. His hands seared her skin through her t-shirt. Her stomach tingled and dropped with questions with possibilities. Her thoughts raced so far so fast she couldn't keep up with them. She wasn't sure she wanted to. She squeezed her eyes tighter fighting her flight mode. No she wanted this, she wanted him. Her nostrils flared as she inhaled and bit her lip ready to take a plunge in the dark waters of faith. She turned her body toward his. Exhaling opening her one good eye, the other swollen shut as the cost of her new freedom. She strained to focus, "Oh Gauge!" a rainbow of bruises painted his face with bruises.

"Hmm," he grunted pulling her closer. Her hand moved to his face, her thumb gently brushed his split swollen lips. "hey," he grumbled as he blinked and squinted.

"Gauge?" he smiled wanly and he looked into her searching dark eye a tempest of questions and emotion, so full of her own pain and now his. It shimmered with unshed tears.

"No, no munch don't cry, don't cry." his thumbs caught her tears her black and purple eye pulsed as tears dripped from the sealed slit, he bit back the anger overwhelming him. He ignored the pulsing throbbing soreness coursing through his body and rolled on top of her. He brushed her hair aside kissing each temple, each eye, each cheek, inhaling her sweetness melting into her softness. 

"Gauge?" she pushed weakly. He overwhelmed her. The room spun around her.

"No questions, not now,'' he kissed her nose feeling his influence over her, weaving a spell of comfort.

"but your face-"

"I'm okay," his lips were a dream brushing against hers light and vague. "Sweetheart," he whispered against her prickling skin, "you're so fucking soft." he held himself on either side of her head his mouth explored the tenderness of her neck.

"But-" his lips were so persuasive, "oh," she moaned as his teeth sank into her, he sucked and licked.

"Not now, I won't ask any and you won't not right now." She nodded loosing herself in his words, in his touch, "I like this, don't you honey?"his hands traced her body. She nodded. "I can't hear you, you have to say it." his thumbs rubbed circles over her cloth covered nipples. She arched moaning and trembling. She tried to answer only to have her breath caught in new caresses. "Answer me."his voice was soft in his demand. 

"Yes-yes," she choked out, his hands grazing the hem of the t shirt. Shame made her tense, he would see how much her freedom cost. "Gauge," she tried to push at him. His gaze stilled hers and he knew where her thoughts were.

"Trust me," he said his hand moving under shirt to her full globes. "i just want to touch you." She nodded, she did trust him and he was so beautiful now looking up at her with those eyes, those metallic orbs. He kissed her skin through the fabric promising once they healed he was going to spend quality time with every inch of her. His kiss ran down the valley of her breast to the slope of her stomach.

He could smell her, almost taste her sopping eagerness. He deciphered the different notes of her, from the sweet to the tart to the spice. His mouth watered and his body was rock rigid. He couldn't wait to take a nice long lick and he wasn't going to. His figures traced the lining of her panties, traced the outline of her protruding lips pulsing and flinching for his touch. He smiled kissing her thigh. She called his name making it a desperate musical chant. Bella's hands clutched the pillow above her head. Her back arched and collapsed as his lips moved higher kissing the wet cotton clinging to her sweetness. And she was sweet, honey and cream. He sucked through her the cotton mashing his face deep into her.

"Mm mm," he growled against her.

"Please," Bella whimpered pushing her hips forward, as Gauge slid her panties aside.

"Fuck," he hissed watching her pulse and cream for his touch.

"please," she begged her breath coming faster and more shallow. He kissed her long and deep devouring her paradise. "oh God oh!!"

Her eyes teared, her body jerked against the probing demand of his mouth. His tongue plunged, flicked, he sucked and blew wrapping his arms around each leg to hold her still. She sang his name, he pulled her clit though his teeth sucking hard at her thick flushed nub. His thumb followed down her slit, further down to her most forbidden place. She gasped and sobbed begging him to set her free. His thumb circled the tender skin.

Her body thrashed and convulsed at the violent outcome of Gauge's touch. His mouth relentless refusing to let go. His eyes leered and glowed as he watched her, watched how her body reacted to his touch, the way she shook, the way she moaned and arched forward. She finally gave one last shiver before her body went limp.

"Ugh," she protested pushing him away as he gave her wetness a loud wet sloppy kiss.

"Wash up," he climbed on top of her kissing her neck "I'll make breakfast." She nodded licking her lips as Gauge hovered over her mouth. She wanted to lick her essence from his swollen mouth.

"Bella, sweetheart if you keep looking at me like that, even with one eye..." he left the rest unspoken, a promise and threat all in one.

Bella smiled her dark eye flashing with mischief, "I wouldn't munchkin," he said tugging her hair back stretching her neck so she was looking up at him and him down into her eyes. Her parted lip begging him to complete the act.

" But I didn't do anything for you," her voice was breathy and strained her hands trailed down his hard chest down the line of his stomach down his pajama bottoms. She felt the out line of his hard and heavy. His eyes darkened, almost as black as hers. She couldn't make out his thoughts. She couldn't see his concern or anger. His thumb brushed the bruises marring her face

"You're here," he lowered his mouth tentatively brushing hers. "that's all I need," he kissed her forehead and pushing himself up, "wash up." she watched him walk away noting the way he limped and held his side.

*

Connor panted and swore attacking the punching bag pounding out his frustration, sweat matted his hair and dripped stinging into his eyes.

"Hey, white boy," the low feminine voice pulled him out of his trance. he glared up at Kenta as she held the bag still from behind. He was in the gym of their makeshift head quarters. It was dirty and dim. There was a heavy staleness in the air from a leak never quite fixed. "No need for dirty looks Mijo, I brought breakfast." she held a white pastry bag swinging in his face." His nose perked and his stomach growled. "Here mom made these and told me to make sure you eat them, it's pan dolche."

Kenta's mom clutched the hope that they would become a couple like a nun clutching a rosary. Her mom loved him. He was family as far as she was concerned. So what was driving him to make amends with his, he didn't even know what he was making. He didn't do anything wrong. Before her dad passed away he was the father Connor always hoped he would have. They had a relationship Connor desired with his father, they went hunting fishing, he gave Connor his bar b q secrets. Kenta's father was a man devoted to family. His gaze softened as he thought of how proud her family was of him, they showed up to every award ceremony and accommodation he ever received since knowing them. He used his bonuses to help them out when could. He smiled gratefully he had family even if his wanted nothing to do with him.

"Thanks," his voice softened as he wiped the sweat off his face with the bottom of his shirt.

"Are you okay?"she asked her usually hard terse voice tender as she looked him over concerned. He only remembered her looking at him like that once, he couldn't be sure if it was the same look at that particular point in time he was going in and out of conciseness. He was shot during a bust and Kenta was at his side. He vaguely recalled her threatening to kill him if he died.

He smiled wanly,"Yeah, fucking awesome,"sarcasm dripped from him. Kenta studied him behind dark knowing eyes."Don't do that shit,"he growled rolling his eyes and slinging himself on the musty couch.

"What?" she asked innocently plopping down next to him tossing the bag in his lap. He shifted irritably as springs poked him.

"You know what looking at me like you're reading my fucking mind!" his mouth watered warmth permeated from the bag. He wondered what color confection powder she used on top of the sweet bread. He wasn't sure why but yellow was his favorite and knowing Kenta's mother it more than likely was, she always made him food. He remembered when madre went through her needle craft phase she made him the ugliest sweater he ever saw. Every time he wore that sweater giving or getting a black eye or busted lip was guaranteed He opened the bag the sweet fermentation of bread and sugar teasing his senses.

"Because Cavrone, I am."she slapped his head playfully. "Now tell me, you over grown Orso, what happened with your family" she used her family's nickname for him. They saw him as a big blonde bear.

He closed the bag instantly loosing his appetite, as he compared the warmth and openness of Kenta's family to cool aloofness of his.

"Same bullshit, I know Jen lied about Alexa, I don't know if she ever did anything to Jen."

"She said that?" 

He let out a cough of laughter, "not in so many words."

"Do you think that's why-?"

"I don't fucking know! I think she just wanted see what I would do for her. See how far she'd be able to push." He got up again giving the bag a nice hard round house.

" Have you talked to this Alexa chick to see what she has to say?" He shook his head. he punched the bag again, he wasn't sure if he could face her. Was he man enough to own up to his mistake, to apologize for how he treated her. Jen was right about him,he was ready think the worst she didn't have to put too many ideas in his head. Not all of his conclusions about her were wrong, she was still a snotty cunt, a hot tempered golden eyed beautiful cunt. Was it? He wondered his hand tingled thinking about the silky soft wetness that sucked his finger. She stopped him before he got on his knees and worshiped her kissed her tight wet pussy.

"That still doesn't tell me how it was seeing your family." Kenta interrupted his thoughts bringing him back to his current problem. He knew she was watching him and he knew she noticed the change of his thoughts.

Kenta cringed inwardly as she met Connor's cold bitter smile. "My mother wasn't even going to let me through the goddamn door, my dad barely spoke three syllables and then of course there was Jen. Smiling dangling me around!" He punched the bag. Kenta listened to him, his family's attitude towards him and his job was mystery to her. She knew why her parents were a little skittish when she told them . But they accepted and respected her decision.

"Mom's expecting you for dinner tonight." she watched beads of sweat pouring from him. Her family loved Connor and help out hope that the two of them would marry and have babies, forcing Kenta into domesticity. "She's worried about you doesn't' think you're eating enough."

Connor laughed loud and wild. Did moms have some sort of secret phrase book? Did they all say the same thing when they felt your life falling apart.

"C if you want to talk-"

He shook his head, it's what I've been doing and I'm done it is what it is and nothing is going to change." he sat down again biting into the tender sweet pastry.

"Maybe it's not what you need to talk about maybe its whom you need to talk to that's the difference." he closed his eye letting his head fall back she was right and he knew it. "Go home get some sleep, you look like shit ran over twice."

Connor sighed rolling his eyes "Thanks honey you really know how to make a man feel good about

himself."

"That's what I'm here for. We can leave Mom's and meet the gang for drinks. Terry has new toys and we have some new developments and strategies." he finished the bread and laid his head back, his eyes got heavy as Kenta stroked his hair. She was still talking but her words faded.

* 

Alex a stood in the cooking section of the book store. She was waiting to meet David in the cafe. She gazed down at the bright colorful pictures of food wishing she could create something like that. She relied on the culinary genius of Gauge and Mommy H. She missed mommy H and Papa. There was no way she could visit until her wrist healed. From the look and feel of it that wasn't any time soon. It was an ugly crooked lump. And for the past couple of weeks Allen was her culinary messiah. She couldn't face him either, not after last nights episode. She lost count of how many times he called, she couldn't bring herself to answer or even check the messages. She just had to live with the fact that she was damaged.

The hair on the back of her neck lifted exposing her to the breeze in the bookstore and she shivered, "Alexa?" There was a cool dark voice behind her and she stiffened. Blood rushed to her ears, her heart pounded in her throat choking her. She couldn't move or speak, her skin crawled when his hand touched her elbow turning her to face him.

"What are yo doing here?" did he hear the quiver in her voice. Did she sound strong? Did she look strong and ready to fight?

"I was-" he pointed and looked at the direction of his finger and looked back at her, "how could I forget how beautiful you are?" His eyes glazed over slightly possessive

She pulled her arm away glancing away, looking for help, looking for escape, just looking at anything but him. There was no one they were alone.

"I don't want to talk to you," she hissed forcing her self to look at him. Forcing herself to to face him and face what he did to her,forcing herself to stop trembling.

"Please sweetheart I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you. If I'd known..." he reached for her again pulling her to him.

"Let me go!" she said louder than she meant then instinctively lowering her voice, "David will be here any minute and if he sees you-"

"You told your brother?!" his hold tightened. "Why would you do that you know I didn't hurt you on purpose." his grip eased. "Look Alexa." She jerked free straining her shoulder and stumbling backward.

"No! Go or I'll scream," her mind worked frantically to get him away, she couldn't. She couldn't move; she could barely breath. 

He studied her with doubtful dark eyes, "fine I'll go but one day we are going to talk this out." he turned and left. The room spun as she fished her phone out of her purse, it buzzed with a new message.

B there n few 

She slowly made her way to the restroom on shaky legs, taking long deep breaths. She rinsed her face cooling the heat of embarrassment, shame and anger. She pushed back tears refusing to let herself to cry, she couldn't. If David found out Marcus was here she didn't think she could stop him from acting out every violent impulse he had.

I'm here where r u?

Her phone buzzed again. She dried her face and took a deep breath. She leaving the lady's room she forced a bright smile.




As It Seems Ch. 10



"Hey brat," David stood as she came to the table and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She tried not to flinch. David noticed. She could never hide anything from any of the Hadrians let alone David's hawk eyes. He took her hands in his, his thumbs rubbing against the knot forming disfiguring her."Are you okay?'' he asked pulling out her chair.

"Yes," she smiled weakly pushing back tears. 

"Honey, honey...'' he said gently taking her wrist again. Anger boiled in him. She was his baby sister. He remembered their dad bringing her home. How small and scared she looked just like now.

"What? Don't look at me like that. I'm okay." There was a long silence as the lie seeped into the air around them making it heavy and tense.

"If you're okay then why have you been avoiding Pop or Ma?"

" how can I see them like this? You know what dad will do if he finds out," Alexa pulled her arm away. "Why cause so much drama over an accident, despite what everyone thinks it really was."

"They know something is up, when was the last time you went to see them? And what about how you're wrist is healing. It's crooked and I don't remember the last it wasn't swollen, you don't think mom won't notice that?" She was the only girl and the baby and they treated her like it.

Alexa stared at the table, she couldn't pretend she didn't know how worried they were. Like everyone else she avoided their calls and sent texts that she was okay.

"Just call Ma, put her out of their misery."

"How are the kids?" she asked tracing the new shape of her hand, coming to terms that her life had to change and she had to figure out what to do with herself. Waiting tables was just supposed to be until her wrist healed and that wasn't happening.

David relented letting her change the subject.

"Confused, I don't know what to say to them, Jen tells them plenty and most of what she tell them are lies." The bitterness dripped from his words burning into her like acid. She didn't know what to do or say.

"I'm sorry," this was her fault. If she hadn't confided in Jen. If she stayed out of their life. She should have left after Daniel was born. Instead she stayed it didn't matter that she thought she was helping. How did she know the bond with her new born nephew would feed into Jen's jealousy 

"This isn't your fault," Alexa nodded staring at the table. Of course it was and of course he would say different He never admitted to her how hard she made his life. Starting the night papa brought her home. She couldn't sleep through the night. And David would come in and check on her, sleep on her floor to keep the bad dreams away. Papa held David responsible for her if anything happened to her on his watch. Now she was tearing his family apart. She didn't know until Jen told her and she held nothing back especially if had the potential to hurt. "Mom and Dad are coming to town next week."

"What? Why? Doesn't dad have a case? What am I going to do?"

"I told you they are worried, they know something is up. We should have told them when it happened."

"I know-I know but you know dad will Marcus I won't have even had to tell what happened. And how many times and how many ways do I have to tell you all it was an accident." She tried to calm down. She felt the now familiar shortness of breath and tunnel vision. 

"We'll keep pop under control, I don't know why you're protecting that-"

"David," Alexa's voice was fragile and worn. David backed down. He wouldn't push she would talk when she was ready. And for her sake he hoped it was soon.

David sighed reaching into his pocket, "here Daniel got his school pictures in and he wanted to make sure you got one."

She smiled the first real one he's seen in awhile. "Oh my baby," she laughed at Daniel's bright goofy smile.

*

The dishes were cleared and washed. The frantic emotional morning was turning into a quiet lazy afternoon. Bella sat obediently letting Gauge clean her cuts and bruises. They were used to this shift in energy. "You're not going back." He said frowning in concentration gently cleaning the infection near her eye.

She nodded, "I know, I was going to go to a shelter after we talked."

"You're staying here-" his words were final.

"No Gauge, I can't-"

"Goddamn Bella I thought you were ready to stop fighting stop running." Gauge threw down the napkin and stood glaring down at her. She tried to smile up at him but the 

split in her lip reopened dripping blood on the table.

"I am-I am I' m not running away. I just can't stay here. I need a to start on my own I need to know that I can-that I am good enough." she said turning her face wiping away the blood with the back of her hand.

"Good enough for what?" he demanded gently.

"You, I'm no good, I drive people to be their worst." She curled into herself. The truth carving into her stomach.

"Bella-"

"I'm the common denominator," her voice was raw.

"What are you talking about?"

"My parents...they had lives... they had potential."

"They had drug habits, you didn't make that decision for them. You didn't sell them-fuck! What have they been telling you?" Gauge kneeled in front of her desperately clutching her hands. "None of that had anything to do with you. Stay. Stay with me . I'll sleep on the couch, I'll stay in a shelter."

"No."

"Munchkin, save me some worry. Just stay here." He didn't say please but his eyes did she couldn't say no to him when he looked at her like that. 

"Okay," she nodded.

He kissed her forehead. "Thank you." she curled into him. She never felt so warm and safe. So secure. They lay in his bed. Falling in and out of sleep. He whispered to her that she was the most beautiful perfect things in his life. She wouldn't think about if it didn't last. She would only listen the small voice in her heart gaining strength.

*

Connor's stomach grumbled as he listened to Terry's lame attempt to get a passing waitress's number. He couldn't believe he was hungry again he and Kenta left her mom's house a little over an hour ago and he was so stuffed he couldn't move. Now his mouth watered for something deep fried and covered with cheese. 

"Oink, oink!!" Kenta laughed poking his ribs. He smacked her hand giving her a one finger salute. The pub was crowded with all sorts preppies, hippies, freaks, and geeks so they didn't look out of place. They looked like any other. But Re Run stood out everywhere he went.

"how are you treating my baby?" Connor demanded pulling out a cigarette. He was ready to jump up and run outside to stroke the steal and leather. He wondered if Re Run was to much for the current love of his life.

"Oh she likes how her new daddy rides her, she purrs for me all night." Re Run winked.

"Asshole," Connor growled.

"Bitch."

"Fuckhead."

"Children," Kenta jumped in hitting both of them in the back of their heads.

"Nah I'm just fucking with you man, I'll bring the bike by the shop so you take a look at it." big mike pat Connor's shoulder. Their conversations weaved between cases and jokes. Re Run digging into a biker gang that was selling drugs for Melendez Kenta worked in one Melendez's night clubs and terry was in charge of their toys. 

"I'm going outside order for me." Connor tapped his cigarette and stood. He was starting to feel closed in and agitated. He knew what he needed. A nice long ride. He needed to feel the wind and road feel his bike between his thighs. For now a cigarette would have to do.

*

The music pounded in Alexa's head making it throb to its beat. She couldn't wait until her shift was over. This last table and she was done. "Okay what can I get for you folks?'' She put on her brightest smile for the rowdy bunch of misfits.

"How about you phone number on my napkin?" An awkward lanky kid smiled too broad and bright to be smooth. Alexa opened her mouth but wasn't sure how to respond he seemed like a harmless sweet kid so she didn't have the heart to shut him down.

"What happened, it looks bad?" The only woman in the group asked taking her off the hook and putting her on the spot all at once. 

"Oh it's nothing, I just had an accident." She blushed absently rubbing her wrist. 

"You have beautiful eyes," the woman said. Alexa stiffened. This was how it started. Woman were often jealous of her and started with compliments only to cut into her later. As much as she tried she couldn't find any hint of cattiness.

"Thank you." The woman was staring at her gauging her reaction. She turned her attention the other people at the table taking their orders.

"Oh baby girl, there's one more order he's going out for a smoke I'm sure he'd like to have you take his order personally" The woman said with a knowing smile.

"Ummm okay then I'll put these orders in and come back." she said not sure why the cryptic message made the hair on her neck stand on end. She asked one of the other girls to take over table. The pain in her head so intense she was seeing double.

"Food awesome," Connor dived into his and everyone ease's while everyone stared at Kenta.

"What was that about?" Re Run asked sitting back watching the waitress walk away. 

"She was hot," Terry said barely caring that it was a different girl than the one who took their order.

"What the fuck are you assholes talking about?"

"I think you're girl is here." Kenta sat back watching his reaction. His blue eyes shot up to hers. 

"Alexa?" She nodded slowly. Watching the change in him. The way his eyes darkened then brightened. The way he tensed then relaxed. "What was she doing here?"

"You know our waitress?" Terry asked, "man she was hot-" Connor's gaze frosted over him. Terry closed his mouth and rolled his eyes away in the opposite direction of Connor's hard glare.

"She took our food, if you want to talk to her hurry up her shift is over."

Connor shook his head, shook way the hope of seeing her and the disappointment of missing her. He was jumping ahead of himself, "how do you know it was her?" he demanded

"How could I not, the way you-"he didn't stay to hear what Kenta said.

Alexa untied her apron, she just put in her last ticket for her last table. "Oww," she gasped at the harsh grip around her wrist. Blood pulsed burning through her veins Everything around her was spinning. The room was a muffled blur of activity. She couldn't see who was dragging her or where they were taking her. A scream lodged in her throat refusing to come out. The breezed shocked her into a croaking choking protest. She wasn't inside anymore, she felt the breeze turn cool. She leaned against something cold and scratchy. "I'll scream." her voice was weak groggy her wrist trembled in large harsh hands.

"Stop the act, I told you we need to talk." She cowered at the harsh voice as she felt him lean closer to her. He leaned forward his arms on either side of her head. 

"No-i-don't want to." She turned her face away the hard cold brick scratching her face.

"How many times do I have to apologize to you. This act has gone on long enough." Her skin prickled and crawled with the memory of his touch. How he bullied and manipulated, how he hurt. And the last time she was with him.

"No-" she knew he wouldn't take no for an answer. She could remember a time when he had. She knew couldn't protect herself. They were alone again and there was no big brother waiting in a cafe to threaten him with. "There's nothing to talk about. What are you doing at my work? How did you find it?" 

"I followed you, I knew this was the only way you'd see me."

"You followed me! You followed me! You asshole! I told you I didn't want to see you. I told you to stay away from me!" Anger and disgust weakened her. She pressed herself into the wall wishing she could melt into it. 

"You're over reacting as usual! and what are you doing working in a place like this any way look at you!" He waved a hand over her black polo shirt and pink pleated skirt.

Alexa flinched. "Maybe if you dressed like this for me-"that was all she could take she pushed him with all her strength.

"You have no right! I had a career!"

Marcus rolled his eyes. "A fucking hair dresser, like there aren't enough of those in the world." his words stung. She was proud of her work she was good at it. She loved making them feel beautiful.

"Fuck you! Look what you did to me!"

"Come on you can't put this all on me. If you would have just met me-"

"I didn't have to do anything, I-you-" Her voice was strained and heavy.

"There you go again-" she slapped his hand away as he poked a finger in his face.

"No this is done! I'm done do you know how much pain I'm in?! Look at this! Look at what you did-"

"Mother-fucker!" Alexa covered her mouth collapsing on her knees in relief. Connor had Marcus pinned against the wall. Holding his forearm to Marcus' throat. "You broke her wrist? You sorry piece of shit-I've been waiting to fucking get my hands on you " Connor pushed his forearm deeper into his adam's apple feeling the asshole strain to breath.

"Who the fuck are you?" Marcus wheezed.

"Connor?" she asked in disbelief. He glanced over at her taking in her tear streaked face and the way she massaged her skin as she slowly came to her feet.

"This has nothing to do with you," Marcus gasped.

"Wrong answer Mother-fucker!" Connor hissed his nostrils flaring.

"It was a fucking accident! What has that bitch been telling you?" He wished he could take back his harsh words when he saw the the flash in Connor's eyes.

"I suggest you just answer me without add libs. I'm having a hard enough time not crushing your wind pipe" Connor said through clenched teeth pushing his forearm harder. "Now tell me are the asshole who broke her wrist?"

Marcus nodded his vision was blurring and his body was getting heavy. "It was an accident." he mumble pathetically. Connor rolled his eyes pulling his fist back.

"No Connor don't, he's-he's telling the truth."

"Why are you protecting him?" His voice roared making her jump back.

"I-" he throat bobbled. She was still shocked to him there and even more shocked that she was happy to see him. 

"She broke her wrist falling out of bed man! What did this bitch tell you?" Any hope of restraint from Connor dissolved and Alexa clenched desperately to his elbow. But she couldn't stop his fist from connecting to Marcus' face. It made a harsh disgusting bone cracking sound and she cringed. Alexa stumbled forward with the force and strength of Connor's hatred.

"Please Connor stop." She pleaded, cried, screamed as Connor pounded into Marcus. She was powerless again. She didn't want to call the cops. She knew Connor probably found enough trouble with out her calling it up for him. He was pierced and tattooed, Marcus was clean cut and upstanding. She tried to get between them Marcus was giving as good he could but he was no match for Connor, but she was pushed aside

"What the fuck?" Kenta came out of no where pulling the men apart without fear."What are you doin' man? Let him go."

"We were role playing and she fell out of bed I never fucking touched her! You fucking lying bitch what have you been telling people?" Marcus growled moving towards Alexa as Kenta held Connor back. "I wish I had you-"

"Enough! Leave or I'm gonna be the one beating your ass Comprende?" Kenta glared .

"Keep her she's a lousy lay anyway!" Marcus took off as fast as his new limp would carry him, mumbling about all women being lying bitches.

"Stay the fuck away from her or next time I-" 

"Nathan!" Kenta had to use all her strength to hold him back. The use of his first name tamed him just enough for her direct him to Alexa. His heart clamped empathy replaced anger. Though the heat still showed in his eyes.

Alex's face was on fire. If she could melt into a crack of the sidewalk she would. Connor's gaze was blue fire as they seared into her. She wanted to apologize, although she wasn't sure why. She couldn't meet their probing stares.

"You're okay now honey Connor's going to take you home." Kenta's smile was reassuring. "Take her home." She glared at Connor but he didn't notice. The only thing he saw was Alexa shivering avoiding their eyes. He shook out his bloody bruised hands glaring at Marcus' rapidly retreating outline.

"Fuck," he cursed kissing her hair wrapping his jacket around to ease her trembling. "You're okay, baby." he kissed the top of her head again, he waved off Kenta making slow progress to Alexa's car. He drove her home in silence. 

He pulled into her apartment. They sat in her car in awkward silence. He got out and opened the door for her, "C'mon."he gently tugged her out. She followed him absently, blind and numb to everything around her. He pulled her inside and sat her down. He cleaned himself up and sat down next to her.

"Alexa," he whispered her name smoothing her hair. Her name sounded so foreign coming from his mouth. It didn't hold the usual edge of bitterness or hatred. He said her name again and she lowered her eyes. Tears collected on her lashes and she hugged herself tight. She bit her lip to stop it from trembling.

"G-go away," she curled into herself. She was so tired, she didn't care any more. She just wanted sleep and never wake up.

He wrapped her in his arms whispering her name promising to keep her safe. She pulled away and he pulled her back. Her breathing increased coming faster and faster. Marcus taunted her thoughts. It wasn't Connor offering her comfort anymore it was Marcus forcing her. She cried she scratched she fought

Connor didn't hold her down. He let her fists pound on him until she exhausted herself. He was afraid restraining her would set her deeper in her internal fight. He winced when her right hand crashed hard on his chest. He could hear pop and bubble, it was red flaming red and so deformed he wasn't sure it would ever heal. She collapsed in his arms Marcus' ghost finally exercised. 

"Tell me how this happened," Connor's voice was slow exuding false calm. He knelled in front of her looking up he held her hands gently firmly kissing her damaged skin. She trusted him trusted those cerulean eyes, shame choked her. "Alexa, tell me how he hurt you." she nodded everyone's guessing game about happened her ate through her and what damage could Connor do now that hadn't already? Maybe it was the sleep weighing sown her eyes that weakened her resolve to keep her secret.

"He-Marcus told you. It was an accident. It-it-was. It was my fault."

"Baby girl..." he sighed rubbing her back.

"I don't like-" she bit her lip hiding her head in his chest. "he wanted to spice things up, he said I was frigid that I need to loosen up-that we should role play. I didn't want to. One night we were together and I fell asleep. He-he-he," her breathing sped again and the world spun. 

Connor's voice brought her back calmed her. She swallowed hard, "he cuffed me to the bed. At first I didn't know what was happening. I woke up and-and I panicked. He climbed on top of me and I was trying to get him off. I told him no and he wouldn't stop-he didn't stop. I fought him and we fell off the bed. My wrist snapped." she was quiet after that. It wasn't the story he expected but it didn't make him hate Marcus any less. Instead of helping and nurturing a girl a apparently petrified of intimacy he tormented and bullied her. He wished he had more time to clean the street with that asshole.

"Has he been bothering you?" he was impressed at how calm he sounded.

"he did but I-I moved and changed my number. He saw me at the book store today and he said he followed me. He knows where I live Connor! he-"

"Easy he's not going to hurt you, I won't let him." he promised and was relieved when she nodded sleepily.

Connor listened to her breath steady he listened to her little sleep noises. He lifted her in his arms and carried her to her bed tucking her in tight kissing her forehead. He stood to leave. She mumbled in her sleep.




As It Seems Ch. 10



"What'd you say honey?" he leaned closer. Stroking her face, her hair. 

"Stay?" she asked softly wanting to hold to the security she felt in his arms in his presence. Connor slipped in bed behind her pulling her to close. Alexa curled into him falling into a deep dreamless sleep.