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ABDC Ch. 01

By: mercy2122



"No. No. No. It is N-A-T-A-L-I-A. Yes like Natalie but with an 'A' at the end. Yes. Natalia Richardson." As I pace back and forth I decide to close my bedroom door so my voice will not travel to the common living area I share with my new roommate. It's not until after my door is closed do I realize the pointless gesture considering my roommate is deaf, or almost deaf, mostly deaf? I'm still not quite sure how that works. Maybe the excitement of moving into my first on campus apartment made me block out the whole story. I wasn't sure at the time how living with a deaf person would be but it's been two weeks and so far so good. We've bonded over our love of Aretha Franklin and subtitles, I just have to remind myself to face her when talking so she can read my lips, and to enunciate.

"Ms. Richardson," The voice on the phone snaps me back to reality. 

"Yes I'm here."

"Okay well I've cleared the hold on your account, I'm not sure why it was there but you're all set to go." 

"So my account shouldn't say I owe any money and my classes won't be dropped?"

"That's correct Ms. Richardson. Sorry for any inconvenience." 

"Thank you for your help, goodbye."

It's not until I hang up the phone do I realize I've been holding my breath and I let out a loud exhale.

I flop face first on my bed thinking of what I have to do next; books - check, supplies- check, coffee for the ridiculous 7am class- check. What the hell was I thinking when I picked a 7am social psychology class? Oh yeah, "I really love the professor, it'll be totally worth it." I roll my eyes regretting saying those words. I raise my head as I hear two knocks on my bedroom door and see my roommate leaning against the doorframe. I notice the light from the living room window shining through her amber brown hair giving it a honey appearance and the contrast of the brown door frame to her freckled skin where you can see her summer tan starting to fade and her pale ivory skin beginning to peek through. Camellia had a body bred from the boondocks, medium build with strong arms and lean muscular legs from running track in high school. If you asked her she would tell you she's fit from "running between dicks and clits," a hint at her bisexual nature. 

"Are you still unpacking?" Camellia says holding back her astonishment as she gazes around my room at the few brown boxes I have scattered about. "It's been two weeks, I finished the 2nd day we got here. You haven't even decorated yet and classes start next week."

"I just have to unpack my bathroom, the rest is just semantics." I murmur as I hop off the bed and grab a medium sized box. "Okay well when you're done come and find me in the living room so we can talk." "Will do." I say as I remember to make sure I'm facing her. 

As I walk into the bathroom and unload the few hair products and the one flat iron I've ever owned. I look in the mirror and take off my glasses, studying how my chestnut colored eyes appear without their daily mask of box framed glasses. I size up my caramel skin and shoulder length hair, that I've recently had highlighted to show fractures of golden honey tones, I shrug my shoulders and think "not too bad". I place my glasses back on my face and turn sideways to look at my larger than I'm comfortable with butt. Walking the campus will definitely help me lose some unnecessary baggage. I turn to the front and suck my stomach in then poke it out repeatedly, in-out, in-out, yeah definite room for improvement. As I do my before and after weight loss exercise I'm reminded of the time my annoying ex-neighbor relayed to me "boobs don't count if your stomach passes them up." While my breast and 5'11 frame gave me pretty good leeway on that point, I was dangerously close to losing the race. I grabbed my breast pushing them up, "I guess it's good I have double ds and not a b or else I'd be screwed." As I stare into the mirror breast in hand proclaiming a healthier lifestyle I'm startled by a shouting roommate. 

"Hey are you done?" shouted Camellia "Coming!" I yell back before hitting myself on the forehead as I remember she can't hear me. Yep, healthy living, starting tomorrow, because tonight is pizza and beer.

"So, Saturday we're having a party."

"I'm sorry, what?" I sputtered around the bite of pizza in my mouth.

"A party. You know with people, and music, and fun." Camellia replies sarcastically.

"I know what a party is but why are we having one?" 

"Because we're 19 and in college. Do we need an excuse?"

"I guess not." I take a sip of Smirnoff green apple, "I'm not sure you can call this beer" I say as 

I place the bottle on the hand me down coffee table Camellias mother brought over. 

"Well since you don't drink beer it's the closest we'll get. We save the actual alcohol for the party."

"Yes the party, that we're having, on Saturday." I reply letting the details sink into my mind as I say them. 

"So who are you inviting? "Camellia asks perkily 

"Uhmm I don't know, I do have one friend who may be able to come." 

"Well don't worry I invited some friends and my best friend is coming, his cousin is in town so he'll most likely tag along."

"Sounds great, the more the merrier!" I say feigning excitement. I've never been very social, I mostly only talked to my family and my two best friends or my two only friends I guess. But I was fine with that, not everyone can say their mom is their best friend and mean it, or that they actually like their older brothers, love yes, like no. But my life tends to get complicated and I never really liked having people around for that. The only reason I held onto two friends is because no matter how long I stay out of contact we can always pick up where we left off, which makes them my oldest and only friends. 

As I threw away my trash and bid Camellia a good night, I thought about Saturday. This is my second year in college, I made a few acquaintances the first year but I pretty much stayed anti-social. This year will be different no more hiding out in my room, or the library or my brother's apartment. This year I will expand my horizons, leave my comfort zone, make new friends, and try new things. Hell isn't that what college is all about?

ABDC Ch. 02-03



Ch. 2

"Put these over the doorway." Camellia commanded as she handed me a string of white twinkle lights. 

"You know you're very bossy." I complained as she turned away to hang a retro neon beer sign on the wall.

"What was that? I can't hear you." I laughed as I watch her tilt the sign from left to right. 

"You can't use your hard of hearing as a scapegoat every time you want something your way." she points to her ear and uses the universal sign of I can't hear you. 

"Well everything is ready, I'll put out the chips and salsa. It's almost nine so people should probably be here soon" I look around the modest apartment, not bad for a college campus, wood floors, decent size, dining goes into the kitchen. I guess I'm lucky I live in Texas where everything is bigger because there is no way you would get this space for this price anywhere else. 

As I place the food on the counter I watch as Camellia sway her hips back and forth as she plays music on an old stereo with large box speakers. It was the kind of stereo my family had when I was a kid, it sat along with the tv we had to use pliers to change the channel because the obscenely large knob fell off. Everything in the living room and dining were hand me downs from Camellias parents, not that I was complaining. They offered, we accepted, I didn't spend too much time in the living area so I didn't mind what was really in there. I did however provide a shiny metallic microwave and the classy plastic aqua blue plates and cups that I'm pretty sure are in every college dorm across the country. My mom and I put plaid blue and green contact paper in the cupboards and drawers and later me and Camellia put the rest of it on her hand-me-down dining room table, we figured it would make cleanup a little easier. 

I glance at my phone, 1 am, and the party is well under way. A lot of people I don't know were scattered through the apartment and onto the patio. Tamberlyn, one of my best/only friends, showed up with her new boyfriend and a neck full of hickeys. I watched as she sat on her new beau's lap looking happy and whispering in his ear. They're cute and nauseating, but young, dumb and in like. I envied them. I realize I'm too awkward to be in like, and too heavy to sit on anyone's lap without them wincing in pain. But my joy for her outweighs any jealousy, as long as she's happy and this guy isn't a douche then I'm happy for her. I pour a shot of vodka into a glass followed by cola and offer it to her "drink with me" I yell over the sound of a trendy dance song.

As me and Tamberlyn raise our drink I notice two guys walk through the door. The first I recognized as Camellias best friend Grady, standing 6'2 he reminded me of a kid who probably got called string bean a lot. His shaggy blond hair stood up straight as if to say "fuck you gravity" and his gangly arms hung down as if it was apologising for the comments of his hair, while his pale skin made me think he was nerdy and didn't get outside much. His personality was pretty docile but he tends to say what's on his mind, when I first met him Camelia explained he stayed in the more creative side of the neighborhood, to which he blurted out he "waves the fag flag and she's my hag." I liked him, even though I was pretty sure you couldn't say the f-word, but maybe he can because he is. 

"Hey Grady!" I exclaimed with a welcome hug

"Hey darling, this is my cousin Tony." I looked over to the 5'9 dirty blond looking hippy guy standing next to grady. He looked as if he just woke up with bed head torn blue jeans, jesus sandals and a black shirt that read roll tide with a marijuana bud on it. 

"Hi Tony, I'm Natalia" "Hey, nice place I brought some vodka." He replied handing me a tall bottle 

"Everclear? Are you trying to kill us all?" He chuckled "I'll just put this in the freezer"

Tony followed me to the kitchen "I invited someone over, I hope you don't mind, she's getting off work and on her way." He explained leaning on the kitchen counter.I wasn't entirely sure because of his shaggy hair in his eyes but I could now see his eyes scanning me up and down. 

"She's getting off work at one in the morning and she's coming to a party? Isn't she going to be tired?" 

"Nah she's fine, should be here any minute." Tony was obviously a party guy, he didn't care what you thought or what you said as long as you said it to his face. He didn't like being tied down to anything or anyone, as far as he was concerned he was young and free. 

It's officially two in the morning and I'm signing the dining room table, apparently a new tradition Tony started by drawing a well endowed penis, then everyone proceeded to add their own little trademark to the table.

As I scribbled stars along the table I notice a short brunette with a 100 watt smile walk through the door and take a seat on Tonys lap. 

"Hi! I'm Nicky!" She spoke with excited voice, way too excited for two am. As I watched her talk gleefully to everyone and become part of the party I wondered how she had the energy after work until two am. Nicky was a complete sweetheart, to Tonys fuck-you attitude. They were polar opposites, Where Tony would take advantage, Nicky would help. She was a short stocky brunette with a permanent smile that reached her eyes and he was a tall medium built blond with a sardonic smile and careless attitude. They were both the life of a party, at least they had that in common, I spent the rest of the night talking with Nicky after Tamberlyn left. I found out she takes classes on campus and she and Tony actually live together, well he stayed in her apartment anyways. We exchanged numbers and made plans to hang out before the night was done. I didn't care too much for Tony on his own but Nicky was a joy to hang out with and I was happy I made a new friend.

Ch. 3

"Hey Camelia, Nicky's coming to pick me up, wanna come hang out at her place?" I asked as I threw my jacket on and grabbed my black purse. Camelia was standing in the kitchen with a worried look on her face. 

"You're going over there again? That's the 5th time this week. What about class?" 

Taken aback I give her a quizzical look "What about my classes? I don't have class tomorrow and I've got all A's so far. Why so concerned mom?" I noticed the worried look on her face 

"It's just that, well Grady told me how hanging with Tony can get a person in trouble and how it has in the past." I stood there with purse in hand, tight lipped as she continued her plea, "and you've been hanging out with them a lot this past month. I've barely seen you and I'm worried you're going to go down the wrong path" 

I couldn't believe what I just heard. She was worried about me? Tony told me all about his cousin Grady and his on again-off again slight drug problem that his mother is always able to rescue him from. But I try not to judge people from past actions, especially from things I've never witnessed myself. I consider gossip to be hearsay and try not to let it affect my judgement of a person, but what grady was alluding to about me honestly pissed me off. 

"Well I'm not Grady, my grades are fine and since you're my roommate and not my mom I'll be home whenever I feel like it."

I stormed out of the apartment steaming mad and walked to the parking lot to wait for Nicky. As the cool fall air blew through my hair I began to calm down and go over the things Camelia said. I guess I hadn't been home a lot, and we haven't really hung out much since the party, but my grades are great and I do actually attend class. as for the drug thing Tony smokes a little pot every now and then, okay a lot of pot, but I don't so what was the problem? What was this guilt I was feeling? Maybe Camelia is just feeling a little jealous I kind of took over her best friend's cousin. We should have another party so we can all hang out together. Start fresh, I'm sure we can all be friends, I'm not sure why we split this way in the first place. 

As I sat on the curb in the parking lot planning out a together again party Nicky's car pulls up and I hop in. On the way to her apartment I tell her everything that happened with Camelia and my plan for the party. 

"On one hand I think she's just worried about you and that's sweet." She glances away from the road and smiles "On the other hand who the fuck does that bitch think she is, telling you how to live your life?"

I laughed loudly at Nicky's comment, as sweet as she is she can still have the mouth of a sailor if you upset her. It gets worse when she's drunk, I recalled the night Nicky, Tony and I were at a club and Nicky came back to the dance floor to find Tony dancing with some tall bleach blond woman. She cursed Ms. Bleach blond so much I'm sure her future grandchildren will feel it. She then took Tony and grabbed him and proclaimed him as hers, that night ended with them getting into a huge fight then a great fuck, as most nights did. I had grown accustomed to these nights, back when Camelia was still hanging on I would have someone to share a taxi with when Tony and Nicky were too drunk to drive and I had to pocket their keys so they wouldn't try. Now I'm mostly a third wheel and the sober driver.

As we walked across the parking lot to Nickys apartment I noticed how crisp and clean the night air felt. The stars were bright and the moon was buried further than usual into the midnight sky. Tonight felt peaceful, it felt different, if I could have I would have laid out by the pool that resides in the middle of Nickys apartment complex, and stared at the stars all night. But instead I followed Nicky into her tiny studio apartment. 

As I walked through the door I felt a resistance behind the door but I ignored it and greeted Tony who was sitting on the floor preparing his hourly dosage.

"Hey guy" 

"Hey Nat, you made it to the partay!"

"Well you sent Nicky to do your dirty work, no one can say no to her endearing plea for a good time."

Tony laughed raspily as he licked his joint "That's why I keep her around." 

"Ha! You wish! If anything I keep you around, and that's only because of your magical sex powers." Nicky retorted as she pounced on Tony and they preceded to play fight. I turned away from their nauseatingly cute display of affection to afford them some semblance of privacy and noticed a shadowy figure in the corner behind the door. Ah, the resistance. 

"There's a boy in your corner," I said as I noticed the figure shift.

"Oh yeah," Tony breathed out "that's our new straggler D he's hanging with us." 

How do you put into words a moment that was beyond memory? Can you describe a moment that holds your heart unjustly, a moment you only think about briefly as to not taint it? How do you describe such an epic moment using something as trivial as consonants and vowels? A moment that can't be described, a moment that can only be explained through an absence of words. 

He waved.



ABDC Ch. 04



He sat cross legged in the corner of the room with a pensive look as he fiddled the paper in his slender fingers, reminding me of a child who has been sent to the corner for timeout. His fingers stilled as he peered up to catch my eye. I was gazing into the depth of the sea. He stared at me from the top of his square black framed glasses, "Hey." he greeted as he waved and began to rise from the comfort of his corner. I didn't think he would ever stop rising, like an everlasting oak tree he stood as I watched his fingers traveled from the neckline of his black shirt to the knee of his onyx skinny jeans as he wiped away the imaginary dust off of his clothes. 

A sudden thud, as Nicky and Tony fall off of the bed amidst their playful wrestling, snaps me back to reality. How long have I been staring? It feels like forever. Who is this guy? Why was he sitting behind the door like a creepy stalker? I've been standing here for at least ten minutes and he's never made himself known. That's creepy right? What if I hadn't said anything? Would he still be sitting there quietly in his own world? Why does he intrigue me so much? Well he is kind of cute. Oh man I hope I don't like him just because he seems mysterious that would be cliche and stupid. I'm definitely not that girl. I can't be that girl. I will NOT be the girl who goes for the mysterious bad boy. Is he a bad boy? So many thoughts are running through my head and all this guy ever did was wave and stand up. 

I realize I have yet to actually say anything so I blurt out a clumsy "hello" as I quickly avert my eyes and focus on the scene on the floor. Tony and Nicky are trying to unscramble themselves. 

"Hey D this is Natalia." Tony says as he helps Nicky up from the floor.

"Natalia. Cool name." He says in a low voice. 

"Yeah, but don't call me Natalie. Because that just leads to Nat then Na, then N, People just call me N." He chuckled as I recited a line from a favorite movie. It's become a reflex joke whenever someone comments on my name. I realize after I say it I probably sound like a dork. But I made him laugh. And the lazy smile that came upon his face was worth every dorky bone in my body. 

"Bedazzled. That was a funny movie. You know Harold Ramis is one of my favorite directors. Ghostbusters is my favorite." He continued as he sat on the floor next to me. Was this happening? He was actually engaging me in conversation. If I said something stupid now it could all end. The nervousness, this annoying feeling of being aware of my movements so I don't do something ridiculous and look like an idiot. I could say something stupid and this could be over. He'd stop talking, he'd never talk to me again. I can continue my life without wondering what someone is thinking. If they're watching me, should I look at them now? Should I sit like this, or like that? What is he thinking? Does he like me? It could be blissful. I could be free. So I just sat there and nodded. Not wanting him to stop talking.

"Bill-fucking-Murray." Is all I hear as Tony's voice penetrates my thoughts and brings me out of my haze, I try to focus once more on the topic of conversation. How long have I been in my head? At some point Nicky and Tony have joined the conversation making a circle on the floor. 

"Bill Murray is the mother fuckin man!" Tony yells becoming excited with every word. 

Tony is sitting next to me stuffing his herbal delight into a tall green bong. Nicky is on my left while D closes the circle sitting almost directly in front of me. 

"Hey Nat-" I cringe as Tony shortens my name to annoy me, he knows I hate it so he does it often. 

"Are you with us tonight?" He raises the bong in the air and passes it to D, who flicks the lighter with his elegant fingers and lights the herb in the bowl as he inhales.

"You know she doesn't do this shit" Nicky says, trying to protect me "leave her alone asshole" D passes the bong to Nicky who proceeds to continue the ritual and inhale. 

"So you're celibate? Or are you against it entirely?" D asks raising a single eyebrow and giving me a quizzical look? I almost choke on the smoke around me as he says the word 'celibate'. 

"Uhm, I just don't. I don't really smoke, you know anything. It just never fazed me."

"That's cool, I respect your decision." He nods his head as his eyes turn to the passing paraphernalia that has come full circle and rejoined his hands. 

"Nah, I think you should try it at least once." Tony speaks up. "I mean, how are you going to have an opinion on it if you never even tried it?" I felt like I was in an afternoon school special about peer pressure. It's not that I was scared, or morally against it. I just, never really cared. 

"Well even if I did want to, I don't know the first thing about smoking." 

"It's easy," said Tony, "you just open your mouth and inhale." he laughed sounding like a bad Bill Clinton joke. 

"Okay." I relinquished, shocking everyone including myself. "What the hell, why not?" 

"Are you sure?" Nicky replied 

"Yep." I said assuredly "Now how do you use this bong?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa.-" Tony exclaimed raising his hands protecting his green instrument. "you can't just jump to the big guns, you gotta go slow first." To which he began to hum Foghats Slow Ride. 

"You can do a shotgun." 

"What's a shotgun?" 

"D will show you." He passed the bong to D who prepared it then lit it up and took a toke. "Now D is going to inhale it then blow it back out, then you're going to inhale it from him." 

"Wait, what?"

"Just get up in there and inhale the smoke coming out of his mouth." As I watched D inhaling the essence from the bong he beckoned me closer with his finger. I filled in the space between us until I was inches from his face. My heart fluttered and picked up speed like a helicopter getting ready for take off. As he gazed at me over the rim of his glasses I knew he was ready. Slowly he leaned in close taking my chin with his two fingers and passed the smoke into my mouth. The feeling of his hand on my face made me feel electric, and the steadying look in his eye as he guided the smoke into me. It felt like he was giving me life, whatever I thought I had before wasn't living and now here he is to show me something new, something different, something else.

"FUCK! I got the munchies! Let's roll D." 

Gotdamnit Tony.



ABDC Ch. 05



"Hey! Watch where you're going douchebag!" I yelled at the green Jetta honking its horn and almost knocking me off of my feet. "Good grief it's a college campus, pedestrians have the right away." Nicky looks at me and chuckles.

"What?" I inquire.

"Did you really just say good grief?"

"What's wrong with good grief?"

"I swear sometimes you're so corny it's unbelievable."

After months of hanging out with the troublesome trio my naiveté still poked through. Being the youngest and most inexperienced seemed to be a novelty that was wearing thin on me.

"You know I'm not as green as I seem. I do stuff...and things. Mostly stuff but sometimes things."

"Oh I know, I mean, that shot gun with D, that was definitely not green. More like red. Muy Caliente." At this point I was very thankful my mocha colored skin couldn't reveal a change in color or else I'd be deep red in blush.

"Yeah I don't even remember if I actually inhaled, but I definitely got high."

For the past 3 months I've spent almost every night at Nicky's hoping for another "moment". In the early morning hours when Tony and Nicky were still passed out from the previous night adventures, I would lay on the sofa and watch D as he'd rise for his daily wake and bake. Peering past the couch cushion I study him as he separated the fragrant herb and load it into the bong nestled safely between his legs. The light would filter through the blinds of the tiny window and dance along his skin. My eyes feast on the image of him slowly inhaling and tilting his head back to enjoy the privacy of morning delight. He slowly relented the smoke from his lungs, savoring every whisper as it released into the atmosphere. Watching D smoke was enticing. He made it seem spiritual, sacred, beautiful.

I remember one morning in particular; I awoke to the sound of chirping birds, groggily I turned to see evidence of dawn stream through a partially open window. I love Nicki, but this ridiculous obsession with the beauty of nature kills any notion of sleeping in. As I watched the morning fog hug the ground I could hear pieces of a private conversation. Well, there's no such thing as a private conversation in a public courtyard, but still I shouldn't eavesdrop. Although, I am just innocently laying here, it's not my fault if their talking too loud. Actually I could complain but I'm going to be courteous and just ignore them instead, kind of.

As I lie there trying NOT to hear the conversation, my ears perk up when I hear a familiar cough. Oh it's just Tony and D, waking and baking no doubt, having intense philosophical morning observations over.

"No--I can't-it's complicated--". I can only catch snippets of the conversation but it's the person saying it that gets me out of the bed and close to the window. Here goes all plausible deniability, I say to myself as I sit under the window to listen. 

"So you gonna tell her?"

"Tell her what? I don't even know what to say."

"Gotta tell her something"

"Listen man Talias cool and all, but she's young and I just can't handle what she would want from me right now."

"Sounds like a copout" Tony coughs out as he exhales.

"Maybe it is, just another reason to let this go."

"Well-" Tony says as I hear him stand up and brush away whatever ash that fell on his pants. "whatever you do try not to cock it up too much, or Nicky is gonna be pissed with you AND me."

I quickly return to the bed, pretending to be deep in slumber I hear the door open and their heavy footsteps enter the room. Listening to the familiar click of the television turning on I think about the conversation I just heard. Is it really because I'm too young? That can't be the only reason, at least he thinks I'm "cool and all". I need to get over this thing, it's not like he's the only guy in the world, I can do so much better. I try to fall back asleep as the sound of Team America fills the air, and they call me the immature ones.

"Well, be careful." Nicky warned snapping me back to the present "I don't want your family thinking I got you mixed up with some bad shit and shit people. D is a good person, but he always seem to be in fucked up situations."

"You're acting like I'm in love with him or something." My stomach flipped as I said the word love. "We're just friends. Whatever moment we had was fleeting, and boy did it flee, special thanks to Tony and his incredible timing for munchies. How do you deal with him just leaving and disappearing for the rest of the night?"

"Tony does what he do. I'm not his wife, and I'm barely his girlfriend. Unless he burns me I don't care what he does." She smiled as she recited what seemed like something she repeats to herself whenever she felt down. There was a sadness in her smile and I realized, she likes Tony a lot more than she wanted to. I felt for Nicky, I know from recent experience how it is to feel for someone more than they feel for you. Also Tony is an asshole, no one wants to be in love with an asshole.

It wasn't all his fault, Tony grew up a gorgeous shaggy haired blond boy in a median household in a comfortable and safe neighborhood. He lived the hard life of being loved by everyone despite having a smart mouth that gets him into trouble, more than it gets him out. All the girls wanted him and all he wanted was to fade, get paid, and get laid. Which is what he had until an ex-girlfriend got knocked up and he was stuck with a kid and a bill. So what does a gorgeous boy whose mother named him after the patron Saint of lost things, a saint known to the Catholic religion as; a steady courage to face the ups and downs of life, the call to love and forgive, to be concerned for the needs of others and deal with crisis great and small, do in this situation? He runs. Far, and fast. But he did return, eventually, and did the right thing. Checked on his son, made sure he was well cared for, but the best gift Tony could give his son was his absence.

Nicky knew about Tony's past, and his child, I believe that's what sealed her fate and her heart for him. Being from a close knit family she wanted it all, house, kids, husband. But she couldn't take Tony to her parents, they would curse him so much in spanish that he may actually understand what they're saying. But she stayed on his terms, flexibility was the theme of their relationship. It didn't stop her heart from aching whenever he skipped out for 3 days or stagger through her door drunk at 2 in the morning. I think the reason she parties so much is to keep up with him. She had one hell of a job in store for her.

As we cross the street a black Honda pulls up on the side as a man jumps out the car and grabs Nicky from behind

"Get in the car." The gruff voice demanded. Nicky turned around and slapped Tony upside the head.

"You burro!" she yells at him as she continues to slap him.

"Okay, okay, sorry, it was a joke!" He chuckled grabbing her "I knew I could scare you."

"You didn't scare me I was trained to kick guys in the nuts, my papa didn't raise no fool."

"Okay wild one, get in the car we're going to get a movie. Come on Nat."

I weigh the decision of homework or fun before deciding it's too close to finals to take chances and reply "Nah that's okay I have an essay to finish."

"Aw come on Natalia-" Nicky whined "you can finish there."

"You know I can't concentrate at your place, I can hang out tomorrow if I finish it

tonight." I reasoned with her.

"I can help you if you want?" A familiar voice spoke up "you know if you want to finish it tonight, I'm pretty good with literature and I can edit the hell out of a paper." Hearing D's voice sent a familiar tingle down my spine.

"You don't have to, no reason we should all suffer for the sake of my paper."

"I don't intend on suffering, I'm sure we can knock this paper out, two heads are better than one." Before I had a chance for a second rebuttal D was tossing Tony the keys to the car and simultaneously grabbing my hand walking towards my apartment.

As I walked through the door with D trailing close behind I quickly scanned the apartment for disaster mines. After scanning for dirty clothes and anything else that might be embarrassing I was relieved at the thought of Camelia being out for the night with her theater group. I never quite wrapped my mind around her doing theater but she was actually quite good. Shaking off my rambling thoughts of my dramatic roommate, I led D to my room, as we entered I immediately went to my computer to open the file containing my essay. As I worked on the computer I noticed D scanning my room. Oh no, he's going to find something extremely dorky in here, lets just get this over with as quickly as possible.

"So I finished more than I realized, I just have to go over it again and check for mistakes then we can finish up here." I watched as D sat on my bed and gingerly laid back.

"This is a very comfortable bed."

"Uhm yeah thanks a lot goldilocks." I quickly put a finger on my mouth after my sarcasm slipped from my lips. It's hard to keep that in check. I watched Ds chest rise and fall as he chuckled still laying on his back, on my bed. I noticed his shirt rise slightly showing the beginnings of a happy trail crawl from his pelvis to his abs.

"Hey come here, come see this." He beckoned me to the bed.

"We should really finish up this paper, you're going to miss the movie."

"Just get over here" He said as he patted a spot next to him on the bed. I nervously exhaled as I layed next to him on the bed.

"Do you see a pattern?" He asked pointing to the popcorn paint on my ceiling.

"Uhm not really."

"There, it's right there" He pointed at the white dots as if I was missing something staring me in the face.

"Nope I don't see anything, lets finish this-"

"Here," He sighed taking my hand "it's right there."

"Oh," I notice as the specks of white paint form together into a petal and then another petal and another.

"It's a rose" assures D

"How did you find that?"

"Sometimes you have to look past the noise to find something beautiful, and sometimes it finds you."

As I look at the rose dripping from my ceiling I realize he's still holding my hand. I slowly turn my head and am greeted with his eyes gazing at my lips. As I lean forward I place a light kiss on his bottom lip, then a kiss on his top lip. He kisses me back softly and our bodies embrace as our tongues slip and our hands dip. I feel his electric hands all over my body. He is shocking me with every touch, as our shirts are raised and our skin make contact I feel like my body is on fire. His fingertips slide down my side leaving a trail of fire in its wake. The room is filled with shallow breaths and deep kisses. My hands follow his happy trail like the yellow brick road. His fingers trace the crest of my breast and a volt of reality hits me and I pull back.

What the hell am I doing?! I can't just get into bed with the first guy who shotguns me. Get it together Natalia! The look of perplexity on Ds face was weakening. I wanted more than anything to be attached to those lips, for my hands to live on his chest, but it was too soon. I had to say something. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I had to say something, anything.

"Are you okay?" I breathed a sigh of relief as D spoke first

"Uhm yeah, that was just kind of sudden."

"Yeah if I knew you were going to attack me because I showed you a rose I would've done it sooner." He chuckled

"I attacked you? You're the one trying to seduce me on my own bed!" I yelled back as I threw a pillow his way. It missed and he picked it up and tossed it back leading to a tug of war which led to D on top of me looking down gazing at my lips once again.

"What happened? Why did you stop?" D quizzed

"Well you're on top of me, according to Star Wars law you have higher ground and are the victor"

"No, before," he stated sitting up on the bed "you kissed me, then stopped. Why?"

"It's complicated." I replied wearily. I didn't want to explain my self-consciousness or exactly how inexperienced I really am.

"It's probably for the best" he said matter of factly. I turned my head preparing for the worst, what would it be? I'm too fat, young, naive?

"I'm pretty fucked up and you shouldn't have dealings with fucked up people." Taken aback I watch D stroll to my desk and stare at my computer.

"What are you talking about?" I asked trying not to show any signs of the impending hurt in my voice.

"I'm talking about me, you need to start hanging out with reputable people, people who go to your school, who are your age, who do the things 19 year old college students are supposed to do. You shouldn't be hanging out with us old derelicts." I hear the keyboard clicking but I'm too busy processing what was just said to take notice.

"What are you talking about you derelict? You're smarter than half the people I know, with twice the experience and when did Twenty three become the new forty? I can hang out with whoever the fuck I want, and I want to hang out with you."

"That's the problem," His voice showing the edges of agitation "you should want to go to football games and tailgate and play beer pong and go to study sessions. I live in the closet of a very strange ladies house, and I'm okay with that because my choices led me there. I didn't have the same opportunity as you and I don't want you to throw it away to get baked with a couple of loser stoners."

"You may be stoners but you're far from losers. College is about finding yourself-"

"Well don't find yourself here." He snapped with a finality as he stood up shoving his hands into pocket and walking to the front door.

"I finished editing your paper. Please-" he added taking my hands into his "stay on campus, make new friends. You deserve more than what I can give you." As he let go of my hand he revealed a fragrant magnolia flower and walked away. As I stood in the middle of my doorway only one thought came to mind; what the fuck just happened?



ABDC Ch. 06



"Get out of the damn bathroom Natalie!" 

"I'm taking a shower asswipe, why don't you try it sometime!" Just three more days, I repeat to myself, three more days and I'm back on campus.

I have a strong belief that family holidays was the reason alcohol was invented. I've been staying with my family for 2 out of the 4 week winter break from school and I can't wait to get back to my life. Unfortunately D and Tony were no longer part of that life, but at least I still have Nicky. Ever since D walked out of my apartment, and my life, I've barely spoken to Nicky and Tony.

I invited them all over for Christmas at my parents but only Nicky made the effort to show up. 

"They really wanted to be here." I recalled Nicky's sympathetic tone as she tried explaining their absence. "You know how they're always getting mixed up in some shit."

"Yeah, I guess." Trying to mask the disappointment in my voice by holiday excitement. "Uhm I got them a gift, y'know, in case they showed up. You can give it to them for me." I handed her two brown gift bags with cerulean tissue paper sticking decoratively out of the bag. "I got Tony a portable vaporizer, and D a belt buckle pipe, like the one Pinky had in Dazed and Confused." I had seen the movie twenty times but I never noticed the pipe until D revealed Pinkys clandestine belt buckle in the movie. He was so observant of everything, it made me self-conscious. Maybe he was right, it was good we didn't do anything. He would know, he is older and wiser. 

"Wow Nat. They'll love it. They're such assholes, they don't deserve these."

"No it's okay, I like giving gifts, just part of the holiday spirit." 

"Listen Nat, I'm not enrolled in school next semester."

"What?!" I turned suddenly unable to hide the shock on my face "Why not?"

"I just don't have the money and my grades weren't exactly stellar last semester." I felt a pit in my stomach, I had a suspicion Nicky might not make it to the second semester. She had skipped quite a few classes and, while I passed with A's and B's, Nicky barely made it out with a few C's. I wish I could have done more for her, we could have studied together or gone to tutoring, but it wouldn't help. She was distracted by Tony and like Camellia warned, he tends to take down passing ships. I guess I should be grateful I was left afloat, but I wished I could have saved Nicky. 

I remember saying goodbye to her that night as if it was the last thing I'd say to her for a long time. As we exchanged empty promises of future get-togethers we both knew we were headed down different paths, our friendship had run its course and our season was over. 

"Dammit Nat!" Boomed a voice on the other side of the door "You've been in there for two hours! Get out!" As I flung The door open I rolled my eyes at my eldest brother Victor. 

"I was only in there for twenty minutes, stop being so dramatic."

"That was twenty minutes too long." He complained as he rushed by me slamming the door closed. 

As I headed towards my old bedroom I thought of how I grew used to male temper tantrums growing up with two brothers. "Speak of the devil." I thought aloud as I entered my room. 

"Talkin bout me?" Inquired Vincent, my older brother. 

Vincent was only two years older than me, unlike Victor who was a whopping seven years my elder. 

"No one talks about you to your face Vin, now get out of my room I gotta get dressed." 

My siblings and I hurl insults at each other as a way to say I love you. We've become desensitized to hurtful words, we don't even notice when someone is genuinely insulting us. 

"Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up, moms wanna talk to ya." 

As I waited impatiently for Vincent to leave I relished the similarities in I and my brothers. We have the same cafe-au lait skin and chestnut eyes, but the Italian heritage my mother passed onto us is definitely more evident through the guys. What I lack in Italian features I make up for in passion. In our family a normal conversation sounds like a screaming match, and the loudest person wins.

"You wanted me mama?" I asked as I knelt beside her bed, an action me and my brothers have done since we were children. It's funny how quickly you fall into the sentiments of home. 

"I wanted to talk to you."

As I looked upon my mother's face of concern I noticed the gray creeping through her curly black hair, and the wrinkles aging her peaches and cream skin. I have never met someone as proud to age as my mother. 

"What about?" 

"I just wanna make sure you don't get distracted this semester. You may not think I know what's been going on at school, but I can tell. A mother always knows." 

She's a witch!

"I know it has something to do with that boy that Nicky and Tony hang out with. I also noticed Nicky came alone for our Christmas celebration." 

"Mama" I said hesitantly, "I'm fine, nothing's going on, and there's nothing to worry about."

"Oh I know that you're fine, but something is definitely going on and I am worried. I just want you to remember people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you accept this, you can accept them for what and who they are." 

"Thank you for the advice mama," I took her hand "just try not to worry too much, I am my mother's daughter and you are the strongest woman I know." 

Holding her hands I thought of the pain my mother have gone through, the stories that can be told just from her hands. Growing up in rural Louisiana in the sixties was hard enough, doing it with her yellow skin color was even harder. As I turned her palm over I gazed at the slightly dark mark on the back of her hand. The time she attempted to paint herself black after a particularly rough day of being called mulatto and being shunned by both blacks and whites. "Too dark to play with the whites, too white to play with the blacks." Is what my mother would say about her childhood. But she was strong and grew through it, she never stood down from a challenge and it has made all the difference. 

As I hugged my mother I knew in that moment how much I would miss her when I went back to campus. Holiday vacations are a double edge sword, the joy of no school work and the comfort of home equals in the pain of leaving it all once again. I understand now why some people stay on campus year round, it's easier to distance yourself and power through school without distractions. I know what I have to do now, no more distractions, no more drama, and definitely no more boys. Well, that's easier said than done.



ABDC Ch. 07-08



Ch. 7

"Hey Natalie, can you restock Biology 1310? Thanks."

"No problem Todd," I yelled to the back of the fleeing 5'4 stocky assistant manager "and it's Natalia!"

In hindsight getting a job at the campus bookstore was a smart move; flexible hours, short commute, discount on books, and a major distraction from any other possible distraction. I also liked walking down the English aisle and skimming the literature books. Sure if I worked a coveted library position I could be waltzing down tall stacks of musty books, inhaling the scent of knowledge at every turn.

"Hey book chick," nope this is way better than the library, "where's the pre Cal books?"

I take a deep sigh from my interrupted thoughts, "fourth aisle on the right" I reply to the random college guy already walking away. I spend most of my work day talking to people's back, I get it, you're in a hurry and buying books can be frantic but the southerner in me still believe it's impolite to leave without a thank you.

Not all customers are in a hurry or dismissive, there's quite a few who genuinely need to be walked through the book buying processing. Finding your professors specific book, going through book loans and scholarships, and returning the books you just purchased because it's last year's version and you're required to have this years. No, the helping part I like, yelling information to people dismissively walking away, not so much. For those moments I take a walk down the English aisle.

As I ran my fingers along the spines of the literary aisle I stopped at an overstuffed poetry book. Pulling it out of its space I close my eyes and open the book to a random page. My finger travels down the page and finds a resting place as I open my eyes to see what fate has in store.

SHE walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies,

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meets in her aspect and her eyes;

Thus mellow'd to that tender light

Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.

I breathe a sigh as I relish in the luxury of the poem, everything around me dissipates into a dense fog. In this moment nothing exists but the words on this page. As I read every word slowly savoring every second I don't realize I've begun to read aloud. 

"One shade the more, one ray the less,

Had half impair'd the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress

Or softly lightens o'er her face,

Where thoughts serenely sweet express

How pure, how dear their dwelling-place. "

I mutter the words to myself lost in the prose of contextual romance, when I notice a voice penetrating my fog. I can hear the edges of someone talking, to me? I tear my eyes away from the page to see a figure leaning against the bookshelf staring into me with forest green eyes. His arms are folded against his chest with a wry smirk on his face as he recites the rest of the poem from memory.

"And on that cheek and o'er that brow

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent -

A mind at peace with all below,

A heart whose love is innocent."

"Uhm, can I help you sir?" I quizzed still puzzled by the intrusion on my peaceful moment.

"Yes, you can, do you always stand in the middle of the aisle bellowing 18th century romantic literature?"

"Only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I wouldn't say I bellowed."

"Well my fault, I guess watching a pretty girl engrossed in a Lord Byron poem just threw me off.""

He was funny, but funny only gets you so far and it was almost time for me to clock out and get to class.

"Are you looking for something in particular?" I said deciding to ignore the pretty comment.

"Yes I am, you just happen to be holding it." Pointing at the book in my grasp.

Blushing I hand over the book, hoping this moment will fade away into customer service obscurity.

"It was the pretty comment wasn't it? I have a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth and I don't always know when to stop talking, sorry if I offended or embarrassed you."

I stood there watching him as he continued to talk without the need of encouragement.

"Well I'm not sorry for calling you pretty but I do apologize for interrupting you. Although you are at work so really I shouldn't apologize for that either. Actually, I'm being awful nice considering you're impeding on my collegiate experience by holding my book hostage. In actuality you could be putting my career in jeopardy by not allowing me immediate access to information I need and am rightfully entitled to in order to further my career. So you should actually be apologizing to me."

I stared at this impetuous being who just went on a ten minute ramble and is now giving me a look as if he was actually waiting for me to apologize to him.

"You're right-" I replied "you don't know when to stop talking." I turned on my the heels of my work approved skid free ballet flats and walked away to clock out on what has officially become the beginning of a very long day.

¤

"I'm only ten minutes late, no bigggie. I'll just slip in and sit at the back, no one will even notice." Talking to myself was a sure sign I was more nervous than I believed. If I'm not ten minutes early to a class I usually wrote it off and just skipped. The thought of a few hundred people listening to me enter a room and awkwardly find a seat was enough to make me crawl out of my skin. Even worse having small class of 30 craning their heads to see the late comer walk through the door. I try to shake off these thoughts as a shiver went down my spine. This semester I'm getting over my shyness and this is one hurdle I am going to jump.

As I crept through the door thankful for oiled hinges and a stadium class I quickly looked for the closest empty seat. Attendance is actually pretty high, I'm sure that bodes well for the school but not so much for my stealthy entrance. I slide into the only empty seat next to the door and open my notebook to catch up on notes.

"Better three hours too early than one minute too late"

I am met with the familiar eyes of the evergreen, the mystery rambling poet.

"You."

"Me."

"What are you doing here?"

"Poker tournament."

"Smartass," I murmur. "I meant, never mind."

"Y'know, some would say this is fate. First we meet at the bookstore then we just happen to have a class together. Where you coincidentally get stuck sitting next to me."

"Considering I work at the college bookstore, there's a high probability I would have a class with quite a few customers."

"True, but how many customers have you shared a romantic poem with?"

"This is cute and all but I'm not looking to entangle with anyone and I really need to concentrate on the professor."

"Please tell me you don't reject guys using the word entangle. Jeez give a girl a compliment and stalk her a little all of a sudden she thinks you're interested."

I mistakenly chuckle at his humor.

'Well at least I'm funny" he smirked.

As I watched his lips grow into a half smile I'm reminded of another smile I would spend hours fascinated by. A smile I haven't seen in months. A smile I shouldn't be thinking of while sitting in a class I've already missed half of. I clear my throat and sit straight up in my seat, my ready to learn pose, determined to focus on the professor. To my horror the professor is closing his laptop and everyone starts gathering their things. "Oh no." I look down at my empty page stunned.

"I can loan you my notes, I am partially responsible for distracting you."

"Partially? Try fully "Anguished I retrieve my bag and head for the door.

"Well I didn't make you late," said a voice from beside me "I merely diverted your attention, for that I apologize." I stopped walking, considering his proposition. He does owe me this much at least and I don't have much of a choice.

"Fine." I relented sticking my hand out in the universal gesture of hand it over.

"Yes, yes, I know, I'm so generous and kind." He mocked

"I actually need these notes as well, how do I know you're not just going to take them and never give them back?"

"The longer you make me stand here the higher the possibility of that happening. "

"Hmm how about we meet at the library around five and I'll let you copy them."

"Or you could give them now and I'll return it to you on Wednesday."

"Or not. "

"Okay okay, five o'clock, library. Don't be late."

"It's a date."

"It's definitely not." I rushed to point out.

"Fine it's not a date." The twinge of disappointment etched slightly on his face as he quickly recovered. "I gotta go just, don't forget-" backing away towards the common halls "five o'clock, library." He repeated rushing off.

Ch. 8

"Crap." glancing the clock on my cell phone, I wonder exactly how badly I need these notes, it's officially six o'clock and he has yet to show up. Tapping my pencil and finishing work from my other classes I close my book and start to leave. 

"Leaving so soon?" Says a velvety voice from behind me.

"You're over an hour late." Silently seething I glare at him standing in front of me with his leather hipster messenger bag across his fit chest, dirty brown hair edging across his face and the twilight of sunset streaming through the window turning his forest green eyes emerald. 

It is preposterous that people can be this good looking. This level of attractiveness shouldn't be walking around campus averting the attention of people trying to get a decent education. No, they should be in California or New York trying to "make it" with all the other beautiful people and leave the rest of us average people alone. A walking daily reminder that hitting the genetic lotto doesn't mean you're not altruistic or have a normal agenda and attractive people do normal things like take notes in class and read books. 

That asshole.

Trying to hold onto the anger and annoyance I keep reminding myself of the time I've just wasted. He runs his hand through his hair as he apologizes for being late, but my mind is on repeat don't look in his eyes, don't. look. in. his. eyes. 

"Are you spacing out on my apology?" He grins as he notices my attempts of avoidance.

"Uhm no, I'm just hungry I guess." Ugh why did I mention food? Never mention food to a hot guy. Wait why do I care what he thinks. Remember, no boys!

"Well lucky for you I've snuck in a little contraband." He pulls out a few bags of chips and two waters. "Good looks and junk food will get you far."

"And you've got it all." I reply sarcastically, my anger dissipating. 

"Names Art by the way" formally presenting his hand. I guess he could tell by my apprehension to take his hand i was thinking about his name. 

"Yeah, hippie optimistic parents, unfortunately for them i can barely draw a tree."

"Ah, well I'm Natalia. Optimistic Italian mother with a love of Nat King Cole."

"Ever heard of Van Morrison?"

"Heard of yes, I haven't listened to much of his music though. Why? "

A secret smile spread along his face as he pulled the notes out of his bag "Don't worry about it. So I have about four pages of notes, it might be hard to read my handwriting so I'm here to transcribe."

I shifted in my chair reading the chicken scratch that contained the important bits of information I needed. Art pulled his chair closer looking over my shoulder as I read. As he leaned in closely I became lost in his scent, cinnamon, it was comforting and intoxicating. He was spicy and sweet and I couldn't focus. 

"Does this say forgotten or forbidden?" I ask shaking off the scintillating haze his scent was putting me under.

His hand grazed mine as we pointed to the word and a chill went through my body. 

"I'm not having sex with you!" I squeaked out louder than I'd like. If there was ever a time for spontaneous combustion it would be right now. 

"I didn't realize we were having sex. I've been doing it wrong this whole time, don't I look foolish." He joked but I just sat there mortified with my face in my hands wishing this moment could float away like a bubble and pop.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean- well I meant-" exasperated for words I sputtered "I'm just having a hard time concentrating, and I'm not getting romantically involved with anyone for a long time."

"I think we skipped a beat here. I'm not looking to date either, a hook up maybe?" He raised a hopeful eyebrow but I was giving him my best 'no way Jose' look.

"Then these are just notes, not a proposition, and we are just friends. I know it's going to be hard for you to keep your hands off of me-" exaggerating he fixes his hair and pops the collar on his green Polo Shirt "but you must." 

I scoffed at his pompous behavior and let out a chuckle. 

"You know, there's more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking."I baited

"Like making a school for kids who can't read good and wanna learn to do other stuff good too"

Bursting into laughter we garnered a few shhhs and sneers

"You're a lot more fun when you loosen up." Art whispered overcompensating for his previous tone.

"Yeah i guess we can be friends."

"It only takes one Zoolander quote? You're easier than I thought."

"Pshh never, you will be tested randomly, so stay on your toes."

He nudged my shoulder with a curious glee in his eye, "Bring it."



ABDC Ch. 09



Natalia,

Visiting parents for the weekend. 

Will be back for evening class on Monday. 

-Camelia

I reread the note one more time before tossing it in the trashcan. Things between Camelia and I have cooled considerably, we mostly communicate via post-it note or the message board on our door. We haven't talked everything out after the slight fall out about the old gang, we just moved past it. Thankfully the spring semester brought condensed classes, more work, and less time to actually socialize. Between my hours at work, class, and studying in the library I've hardly seen Camelia. The same goes for her extra ASL classes and more parts in the school productions. 

As I placed my books on the kitchen counter I wondered the first thing I'd do during my roommate free weekend. I turned the radio on and decided my first action would be spontaneous dance party. As Swedish house Mafia blared through the radio I danced like no one was watching. Twirling throughout the living room and into the dining I grabbed a bowl and filled it with water for my ramen noodles belting out the chorus 

"Don't you worry, don't you worry child, see heavens got a plan for you". Rhythmically punching the time on the microwave I do my best rave jump to the beat as I twirl around and screech at the surprising figure standing before me.

"JESUS CHRI-" stopping just short of taking the Lords name in vain I clutch my chest for the pending heart attack I assume is coming. "Art, what the hell are you doing here?" 

"I'm watching your sweet dance moves to bad music."

"Glad to know I amuse you but how did you get in?

"You didn't lock your door, again." I've become familiar with the annoyance in his voice over this issue. I've forgotten a total of two times, over the past three months, and Art has given me lectures on safety in the city each time.

"This isn't the suburbs or the country Talia! You can't leave your doors unlocked and a pie in the window to cool off while you go grocery shopping."

"It's not the suburbs but apparently it's the fifties." 

Art glares at my sarcastic retorts every time, then I would make a Girls scout promise to lock the door. He went so far as to making me recite the Girl Scout code, which I didn't know. I forgave him for playing the graduation pomp and circumstance during the "ceremony" in my living room and he forgave me for not actually knowing the Girl Scout code.

Many moments like these led us to being close friends quickly, I barely remember the awkward time from before our friendship. Back when I thought he could have been interested in me, when I would get lost in his eyes, and my heart would skip when he talked, and the jolt of electricity that would go through me when we touched. Thank goodness that's all over, this friendship is definitely more comfortable. It's safe, we can have fun and we'll always be there for another, because we're friends. 

"Earth to Luke Armstrong!" Arts voice beckoned me out of my thoughts.

"Who is Luke Armstrong?" puzzled at his reference

"You know the astronaut." 

"How are you in college right now?" 

"Good looks? He retorted while gracefully falling onto the sofa

"They do get you far."

"Don't discount my charming attitude and serviceable wit." 

"Ah, yes and your sharp tongue and wide vocabulary." 

"All tools I'll need in my writing endeavor."

"That and Google." I added as I sloped next to him.

"So what are you up to this evening?"

"I have a hot date with statuesque blonde, and you have study group in one hour."

"Shit I forgot!" Rushing to gather my chemistry book and notes I hopped around the room squeezing my foot into my black converse.

"A Friday night full of equations and test prep is not the chemistry I want to study tonight." Art yelled to me as I raced to my room for my I.D. card.

"Well you're missing out." 

"You're a very odd girl Talia"

"Hey, I'm a lady not a girl."

"Yet not quite a woman."

"Ouch to the heart with the Britney comeback, that burns deep." Dramatically clutching my chest.

"Okay get out." Holding the door for his exit

"It wasn't that bad of a joke."

Chuckling "Come on I gotta get to the library and you have a blonde waiting."

¤

As I walked up the stairs to the study lounge area of the library I reminded myself to do more cardio. Looking around the stacks of books I spot a tall redhead with his head buried in a chemistry book and a pencil behind his ear. 

"Hey Matt!" I cheerfully whispered "How long have you been here?"

"Uhm I don't know, not to long I guess. It's still light outside so that's a good sign." 

I watched as he adjusted his silver framed eyeglasses along the bridge of his nose. Matt was the unofficial leader of our little study group, he's always prompt, has a full comprehension of the material, and takes extensive notes. 

Noticing the lack of an actual study group I realized we were the only two here. 

"Where's everyone else?" 

"Well Staci has the flu, Terry had a conflict with her history study group, and Bill and Ted said quote 'It's fuckin Friday' and decided to go to a party instead."

"I swear those two are only friends for the irony of 90's nostalgia."

"Yeah well it's just us today, are you prepared to go over the tetrahedral bond angle proof?"

"Oh that reminds me! I have a chemistry joke"

Tilting his head in curiosity "I'm intrigued" 

"A kid gets his report and he has one C and four F's, his mom asks him to explain himself. He says he was making Carbon Tetrafluoride." 

I sat there making a rim shot to signal the end of the joke. Matt stared at me for what felt like forever before a small smile broke across his face and breathed a quiet chuckle.

"Do you know any Organic Chemistry jokes?" I asked

"I know Alkynes."

I stifle my laughter with my hand over my mouth, I was surprised by his humor. 

"You're pretty funny." sounding a little more surprised than I intended.

"You seem surprised."

"Well I guess I just don't know your personality that well. You're strictly business during the study group. I don't think I've ever seen you smile."

"There's nothing funny about organic chemistry."

"I think we've both just proved that's incorrect. What do you do outside of the group?"

"Besides school being the most obvious, I'm in a band, I do archery, swordplay, LARPing, I'm a dungeon master, and I volunteer at hospitals."

"You're in a band?"

"Yes, did you hear anything else I mentioned?"

"Of course, I just can't quite picture you doing these things. Well besides the dungeon master thing."

"Don't judge a book by its binding Natalia."

"You're absolutely right, so tell me about the archery, it sounds fascinating."

Matt and I stayed at the library for three hours talking about everything from the instruments he plays to the rules and regulations of Dungeons and Dragons. It was nice talking to Matt about the many interesting things he's involved in. Honestly it made me feel a little inadequate, he's our study group leader, pre-med and has a ton of extracurricular activities. I go to class and hang out with Art whenever he's not busy trying to sleep with some modelesque creature. Matt agreed to teach me some archery and invited me to his bands next gig. Hopefully I can pick up a few pointers on being better well rounded. I like Matt he's nice, which is something I sorely needed right now. 

¤

I was not the least bit surprised to come home from the library and see Art sitting on the sofa watching Criminal Minds. 

"How'd the date go?"

"She passed pre-screening." I hated his 'prescreening' requirement for talking to girls. I'm all for getting to know someone first, but his intentions are dishonorable. I feel responsible as his only female friend to remind him of his stupidity whenever I can. 

"You're an idiot." I go to my room and put my books away and change into my comfort clothes: a tank top and my school pride shorts.

"You also have really fucked up logic." I continued as I entered the living room.

"Hey my dating techniques are sound. I have a very effective two- step process. She gets prescreened to make sure she won't go crazy on me, then second date in-out- goodbye. I spent years perfecting this okay, I know what I'm doing."

"You're such an asshole" I remark as I plop down next to him on sofa and snatch the remote out of his hand. 

"Yeah but I'm your asshole" He teased as he planted a slobbery kiss on my cheek.

"Argh! Only dogs can give slobbery kisses"

"Woof Woof baby" He panted heavily right before giving my cheek an emphatic lick. I pushed him off in an attempt to keep away anymore slobber attempts. 

"You should be arrested for slobbery. Get it slobbery-robbery." 

He sat up immediately and took on a serious tone 

"That was horrible. Please never say that again."

"I'm fuckin hilarious. Ha bloody ha." 

"Come on let's play a game. Oh I know what we're gonna play" He exclaimed before running to the kitchen and grabbing 4 shot glasses and a bottle of vodka from the freezer. 

"Alright shotgun truth or dare, ready?" 

"Okay but no cheating this time."

"Moi? Cheat? Never." He said with a shocked look on his face "Do I have to go over the official rules again?" 

Without waiting for an answer he proceeded with extreme dramatics "I think I do." He clears his throat

"The official rules of shotgun truth or dare: You shall not at any time issue an actual truth or dare. When it is your turn, your opponent will choose whether you do a truth or dare but only you can choose what your truth or dare will be. All truths must accompany a shot before, and all dares a shot after."

"Okay you first," I readied myself for any consequence to my next word "Dare." 

Without a word he then preceded to take off his shirt and threw it to the ground.

"Done."

"What the hell was that? You love taking off your shirt, I'm challenging your dare. Judges? Judges say weak, double shot, let's go."

"Aw come on"

"The judges have spoken." Art grabbed the bottle of vodka and poured two shots "AND you have to do a little dance while you take it, but that's just for me." I winked at him as smirked picking up both shots and began shaking his hips. After taking the first shot he started twerking before taking the second. I was laughing so hard my eyes got blurry. 

"Don't bring those weak dares in here next time, it's no fun if you don't push yourself."

"Mhmm well it's my turn now and I WILL have my revenge." He was doing his best to stare me down. 

"Truth"

I took a shot "okay. Well, a lot of times when people think I'm being funny I'm really just being mean." He gave a dramatic gasp before falling backwards

"Say it ain't so! Not my Talia, my angel." 

Smirking I look at him on the floor pretending to be unconscious "I think you pre-gamed before you came here." 

"Maybe" He winked.

"Okay, truth." 

He took a shot "I- don't like cats"

"What? What is wrong with you?"

"I don't like them, I think they are evil. Not even kittens." I gasped and through a pillow at him. 

"Not even kittens?! You've got issues man."

"See this is why I can't tell chicks this, you say you hate something fluffy and next thing you know you're not getting laid for a year."

"Judges say you should take an extra shot for being a horrible person."

"Hey! Judge not the truth! Only the validity in which it is exposed." I paused smirking at his dramatics

"I think you've had enough anyways." I reply as I slowly take away the bottle.

"Okay okay just a few more. No more superficial shit, it's time to get 'real'."

I readied myself for whichever punishment I would get next, whether it was truth or dare, get real time means it has to be go hard or go home- wasted.

"Remember if it's not 'real' enough I assign you as many shots as I want. It's okay I'll try not to go over ten, just cuz you're a lightweight."

"Yeah yeah, what is it"

"Truth"

I took my shot and slowly began to tell a truth I've wanted to say for a long time. 

"I- love-" As I looked into his eyes I couldn't say the truth I knew I wanted to. Even though they were glassy his eyes still felt as deep as the forest, and I was afraid to be lost in it alone. 

"Friends. I love the show Friends. Phoebe's my favorite."

"No." he said, his voice taking on a serious tone. 

"What do you mean 'no'? That's a pretty good truth."

I could see the disappointment on his face. "Unacceptable" and hear the irritation in his voice. 

"Why are we even playing if you're not going to be real? You KNOW the rules. If I wanted to hear some weak ass middle school truths I'd be in fucking middle school. Dare. You have to do a dare. You have to do your dare now Talia or I swear I'm never playing this stupid fucking ridiculous game with you eve-"

I don't know what happened or how it happened, but I know it happened. I was kissing him. One moment I'm sitting there listening to him rant about truth and the next I'm pressing my lips to his and kissing him with urgency. I was kissing him and I couldn't stop, even weirder, he was kissing me back. He pulled me closer to him, I couldn't tell if it was the vodka or the kiss but my lips were on fire. He tasted like cinnamon. 

I'm not sure how long it lasted, I was stuck in time.

"Ahem" We jumped up to see Camelia towering over us with a disapproving look on her face.

"Heeeeey roomie, you're back early."

"Just in time I think."



ABDC Ch. 10



"NATALIA AMELIA RICHARDSON ANSWER THIS PHONE! This is the fifth message I've left you this week. I don't like talking to your answering machine! I know you're out having fun with Mr. Nice Guy but don't forget about your friends, me in particular. Plus I need the notes from Mondays class. Call me back this time... Oh it's Art by the way."

The past few weeks with Matt have been a blast. We do something different every weekend and it's been terrifyingly awesome. We've gone from rock climbing to learning the tango all while attending class regularly. I don't know how Matt does it, I've started taking B12 vitamins just to keep up with his energy. He's obviously some kind of super genius with excellent stamina. Officially we've only been dating for two weeks, but with the all of the activities we've been doing it feels like longer. 

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket as I walk up to my door, it's Art again. I play his message "NATALIA AMELIA RICHARDSON-" Amelia? That is not my middle name, I quickly delete it after hearing the rest. I've been deleting him a lot lately, I know I should call him back but I felt awkward ever since the Truth or Dare game. I still missed hanging out with him, but at least Matt helps pass the time. I know for a fact Art isn't wasting his breath over me, I've spotted him with multiple girls around the campus. 

As I unlocked my door ready to throw my bag on the floor and pass out on my bed I come face to face with Art. 

"Hey Art, what are you doing here, in my apartment, that was definitely locked." I asked cautiously

"Camelia let me in."

I look over his shoulder to see Camelia standing in the kitchen holding her 'Keep Calm and Don't Be a Dick' mug. 

"Hey Nat, Art is here for you" she smirked waving me off and walking into her room closing the door. 

"Did you get any of my fifteen messages?"

"Yes, and I was going to call but I've been so tired. Just wait here and I'll get the notes for you."

"Nat. I'm leaving."

"Okay just let me give you the notes first."

"No Natalia," he placed his hands on my shoulders willing me to focus on what he was saying. 

"Listen to me, I'm leaving. I'm leaving school, and the city. I'm going back to San Antonio."

I stood there like a statue, this isn't happening. 

"But...why?"

"It's my dad, he's sick and I'm going home to help out with my baby sister. I leave in a week."

I couldn't believe this was happening, I'm cursed, that's the only reasonable explanation. Every friend I make quits school and leaves. Why am I talking about me? What about Art? Oh man his dad and his sister. This is not good, I can't be upset, stay positive. 

"Well I guess you won't need those notes anymore" I said with a dry laugh.

"Talia, do you understand what this means?" He asked looking to me for something, but I don't know what. He was expecting something more from me.

"Yes, I know what this means. A farewell party, this Saturday, it's going to be epic. You can have a proper send off."

"Nat-"

"Come on, we have a lot to do and three days to do it." 

        ¤

See I was scared to admit,

That failing was in the back of my head.

Comes a point when lying no longer works,

So you have to stand up for how you want to live.

Tonight is the night is the night,

That were losing control.

Tonight is the night is the night,

We set it off.

Everybody go

Wooh wooh ooh ooh ooh

Wooh wooh ooh ooh too

 "Hey Tam, if you're going to flirt with the DJ all night can you at least get him to play some good music. Enough of this top 40 electro shit"

"Well someone's got her panties in a bunch." 

My constantly swaying friend was right, I had been in sour mood the entire week. I decided to call the only person able to put up with my bouts of bitchiness, Tamberlyn. She helped plan the party, found an extremely cheap dj and managed to get an amazing amount of alcohol. Looking around my barely recognizable apartment I was amazed how far lighting and a little streamer can go. The place was packed with random people I didn't know, and people who knew Art. I shifted uncomfortably as I watched Art socializing with a group of girls. One in particular who keeps touching him and doing an obnoxious fake laugh, he's not that funny. I shouldn't be concerned about this I have Matt, too bad he has to work tonight I could really use the distraction. 

"Can you stop staring that girl down like you're going to cut her."

"I'm not staring at her, I'm just making sure she doesn't choke on a peanut or something."

"Your panties are all twisted because you like him."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh come on, I can tell when you like someone, and you really like this guy. So stop being a pussy and tell him, he's leaving tomorrow, what have you got to lose?"

Tam was a great kick in the ass, she would bring me down to earth when I was to in my head and helped me put things in perspective.

Watching her shimmy her way to the DJ table I was grateful to have her as a friend, if only I could harness some of her strength and confidence. Well there is one way to gain some temporary courage, I went to the kitchen and grabbed the trusty solo cup. 

"Filler up"

¤

It was after four in the morning and the party was still in a groove. Tam sweet talked the DJ out by 2 and we've been relying on Arts iPod for music. Art was holding the party hostage to classic 90's music because "everyone loves the 90's", people were either dancing or reminiscing to their favorite song, but they weren't leaving. Once the clock struck four I was ready for the party to be over so I can curl up in my nice soft bed and pass out, unfortunately the rest of the party wasn't as eager to leave.

"If you ever want to end a party quietly, play crooning country love songs." Art mumbled as he adjusted his iPod on the stereo switching the fast paced dance music to a 'boots, babes, and bullshit' playlist.

"When did you start to like country music?"

"After listening to you play it constantly it caught on somewhere between George Strait and Delta Rae." 

"Well you can't live in Texas without listening to a little country."

Partygoers dispersed slowly over the next half an hour until it was just Art and I hanging out on the couch listening to heartbreaking country music. I held his inebriated head in my lap I ran my fingers through his soft chestnut hair. The party ended hours ago but he remained in limbo, too impaired to drive yet to sober to sleep. The slow country song oozing through the surround sound embraced us into an intimate moment, not realizing we both stopped talking a while ago and are now just gazing into each other's eyes. The unspoken words floating in the air hanging over us like a cloud getting heavier with each passing moment. I tune into the song as the lyrical essence foreshadowed our thoughts;

"Half scared to death can't catch my breath

Aren't these the moments we live for

 And I kissed you, Goodnight."

Enraptured in the moment I leaned down and softly and kissed him with hope, in return he embraced me with desire. It was soft and aggressive, tender and wanting, forgiving and accepting. It was the stars in the sky, making an everlasting darkness beautiful. It was slow, passionate, captivating; lingering. This kiss built empires, started wars, wrote sonnets, and inspired masterpieces. This kiss was 42, the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything, and now it was mine.

"It's a good night good night baby goodnight. It's a good night good night baby good night. It's a good night good night baby good night. It's a good ni-"

We parted interrupted by the skipping song that induced the enchanted moment. My lips were numb and tasted of the sweet rum he had been drinking. The rum, oh no. That was stupid, I just took advantage of his drunken state. Maybe he's too drunk to realize what just happened. Maybe he won't even remember. Do I want him to remember? No, this was a mistake, if he was sober he never would have kissed me. Maybe?

"Listen, we're both a little tipsy and accidents happen, just forget about it."

"That didn't feel like an accident" he retorted pacing after me.

"Well it was, just chalk it up to one last crazy college night." 

I turned around and he was standing there, two inches from my face, waiting for something. I could feel the heat radiating off of his body, he was so close I hear his heartbeat, feel the little hairs on his arm, feel his warm breath.

"Well if we're gonna 'just chalk it up'--" he kissed me like he ran out of time, I abandoned all thought and gave in to his lips. I caved to his touch, to the feel of my body pressing against him, to his hands caressing my curves.

We pushed our way into the bedroom without parting lips, I never wanted to part from these lips. His lips were intoxicating and the deeper we kissed the more I craved his high. 

Every touch was magnified, the graze on my shoulder as he lowered my dress, his lips on my neck that made me moan in pleasure. I needed this, I ached for this, and I never wanted it to end. 

His kisses traveled from my neck to my collarbone until they reached curves of my breast. I gasped as he sucked my breast and nibbled on my hardened nipples. 

With eyes full of lust he thrust into me while nibbling the tender spots on my neck. A tear rolled down my eye as he stilled inside of me, "Are you okay? I Don't want to hurt you."

"I'm fine, keep going." I whispered holding my breath from the pain as a tear rolled down my cheek. 

Art licked the salty trail and kissed me feverishly as he absolved my pain and replaced it with pleasure. I could feel him inside of me, taking up every inch of me. 

"Are you ready baby?"

Unable to speak I nod my head yes. 

He kisses me softly and lingers on my bottom lip before biting it and thrusting into me once again. His hips moved slowly, teaching me the forbidden dance, and I no longer felt discomfort, instead I felt a fire building up. I moaned as the fire I felt grew hotter

"You feel like heaven. I want you so much, all of you, forever."

I wasn't sure if he knew what he was saying, I'm sure guys say a lot of things they don't mean in the moment. I had no choice but to ignore him as I focused on the rising heat within me. Changing from slow steady strokes Art began to go faster. Our breathing painted the air with lustful pleasure. 

"Art" I moaned, unaware my ability to speak had returned.

"Say it again baby"

"Art" I complied, digging my nails into his arched back, it was all I could say. 

"Yes baby, I want us to finish together. Cum for me."

At his request I released what felt like all my worries, my insecurities, my doubt. I released it and all i had left was him. 

For once I didn't want to overthink, I wanted to enjoy it, enjoy him. He gazed into my eyes and I knew that he understood. I didn't have to say anything, I didn't want to say anything. I kissed him softly, tenderly reassuring him this is what I wanted.

 My mind was free, I could think of nothing but him; his lips as he kissed my thighs, his hands as he caressed my breast, his teeth as they grazed my nipple. He explored my body like he was fulfilling a fantasy, he was fulfilling a dream and he was going to cherish every moment. The way he kissed me at the significant moment, absolving my pain he replaced it with pleasure.

I held him on top of me, I never wanted to be empty of him. He traced my collarbone with kisses in the serene after moment and I fell asleep in his arms.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 I awoke in mid-morning hours with the urge to pee but I was tangled in the being of Art. I twisted from beneath his arms and legs like a Rubik's cube and went to the bathroom. Sitting in there with nothing on, my brain decided to turn back on and I was left contemplating what's next. He's leaving tomorrow, is he still leaving tomorrow? Of course he's still leaving he doesn't have a choice. Then what was this? Was this a goodbye? Maybe he's not really leaving and this was all just a plan to get into my panties. Nah--maybe---nah. 

"Get it together girl" I whisper to myself. I always worried having sex would bring out my insecurities, I didn't want to cling to some guy just because we slept together. I honestly feared giving anyone that power over me; I guess that's why I waited so long to do it, and now it's done. I slept with my best friend, eight hours before he leaves, and I'll probably never see him again. So I ruined a friendship and I'm gonna be alone; that's just great. I hear a noise in the bedroom and I open the door to see Art on his knees looking under my bed. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Looking for your stash." He answered looking through my bottom nightstand drawer.

"What stash?"

"I know you stash bottles of water by your bed like some weird little forest nymph." He looked up and I watched his eyes sweep my body, I had forgotten I was still indecent. "A sexy little forest nymph"

Grabbing an over-sized t-shirt I reach by my bed side and toss him a water bottle. He catches it and sits on the edge of the bed pulling me between his legs. Wrapping his arms just underneath my butt he pulls me close resting his forehead on my stomach. 

"So...how long have you been waiting to do that?" he muttered into my shirt. I shrugged unsure of what to say in this intimate pose. My range of emotions are everywhere, I'm surprised, embarrassed, afraid, guilty, confused, with a twinge of hopeful. I couldn't deal with this moment anymore, it was too comfortable, it was becoming familiar and I knew it wouldn't last. I broke our hold and started to pick up the clothes off the floor.

"So what time are you leaving out?" I ask trying not to make eye contact. 

"I uh, I don't know" I could hear the surprise in his voice. 

There was nothing else to clean in my room so I went to the living room to distract myself by cleaning the remnants of last nights party. 

"Nat we have to talk about this--" He followed me into the living room while putting his on his pants.

"No we don't" I said to the ground refusing to look at him, I knew if I did I would forget all sound and reason. 

"Yes. We do. Especially considering this was an--ahem-- significant moment for you."

"Not to toot my own horn but I think it was a significant moment for you too."

"You know what I mean"

"YES--" I turned and glared at him "I know what you mean. These things happen, it could have been anyone."

Suddenly he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. "That's crap and you know it. You chose me because you love me and you know I love you too and I always have. You chose me because you wanted to give me something no one else can have. You chose me because you trust that no matter what, I would never hurt you. You love me Natalia, I know you do."

I stopped breathing ten minutes ago. The look on his face, it was painful, his eyes pleaded for a response. I think he really does love me, a stab of guilt shot through my stomach. I wanted to kiss him, hold him, take away any doubt he has and make him feel better. He was leaving, now. He can't stay and I can't go so what was the point of giving him any hope when there wasn't any. 

 "What do you want me to say? I love you? I love you? Why does it matter you're leaving in a few hours."

"Do not make me feel bad for leaving, you know I don't have a choice."

"I'm not, I'm not trying to, but even if anything were to possibly come out of it, well it couldn't."

"I'm going to be four hours away, that's not even a road trip, it's traffic."

"Leaving is leaving, thirty minutes or three days, it's all the same, you're gone. You can promise to call and visit and skype and text but when it all boils down, it's bullshit. Life gets in the way, you're too busy to call one day and that leads to another and then you just disappear."

"No that's bullshit. If you want something to last you have to work for it. All the other crap doesn't matter."

"I don't want to have this conversation." I turn away to avoid the rising anger in his eyes.

"Well you shouldn't have screwed me on the night I fucking leave!"

"It was a mistake."

"BULLSHIT! You know what, you're a masochist. We had months together, we spent everyday together and you did nothing. You knew from day one I liked you but your low self-esteem bullshit put me in your safe little friend zone. You find Mr. Boring and date him even though you barely like him and I'm stuck here watching you two. Do you even remember telling me no romantic interests because I sure as hell do. Oh, but as soon as I leave you do THIS to me. You say you're protecting yourself, but from who? No one can hurt you more than you're hurting yourself Talia, you are your own worst enemy."

Standing in the middle of the living room I stare at Art out of breath from monologuing while pacing back and forth and gesturing wildly. He was angry, and annoyed but what came across most vividly was his hurt. He hid it well at first, but after my mistake comment his wound opened and all I saw was the pain I caused him. He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve to feel this anguish. What could I do? If I could go back to that day in the bookstore I would do things differently, but we don't know our mistakes as we make them. There is nothing I can do but let him go, give him space, time heals all wounds.

"Say something." He pleaded taking my hands, his eyes pleading for relief, but I can't.

"I'm with Matt now. I can't just leave him, I made a commitment and I have to follow through."

"Follow through? This isn't golf, this is it, the crossroad. You can stay with Mr. Nice, have a safe predictable boring life, or you can choose me. It won't be easy, it won't always be safe, but it will be adventurous, thrilling, exhilarating, consuming, and passionate and it will be a life worth living. You just have to take a chance."

I couldn't speak. I stood there looking at my hands in his with so much that I want to say- Yes I want to take a chance, I want to have adventures and laugh and be spontaneous and it will be great, WE will be great- but I didn't. I felt like such a coward standing there unable to look him in the eyes while every minute of my silence hardened his heart. When he let go of my hands in defeat I knew it was over. There was no turning back, the decision was made.

"I see." was all that escaped his lips as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. He paused before turning the knob, as if contemplating the energy for one more fight. But the defeat was evident, savoring his pride he squared his shoulder and walked out of the door. I knew the moment he touched the doorknob I would regret this moment forever.



ABDC Ch. 11



*Ding dong*

Run. Run now. There's still a chance, no one has seen you yet. Get out while you can.

Fighting my antisocial instincts to cancel my social plans I reluctantly waited for the door to open. I was greeted with the luminescent smile of my best friend and partner in crime. 

"Well if it isn't the disappearing girl!" Tam rushed me into a hug, momentarily taking away my breath. 

"I've missed you too" I managed to squeak out 

"I know you did darlin', now let's get you fucked up and talk about all the stunning things you've been up to." 

I took a deep breath as I crossed the threshold with a feeling this was going to be a long interesting night.

Two hours and MANY drinks later I was falling over myself at whatever hysterical thing Tams new beau, Max, uttered in my direction. I can usually keep my composure when I drink but tonight was different, tonight I was THAT girl. 

"Tam Tam the battery ram, if she can't stop you no one can. "

You must be really drunk Natalia Richardson to think you can get away with bringing up my childhood trauma and live to see tomorrow.

Laughing loudly as the bit of wine remaining swished in its glass I hugged Tamberlyn. "Oh Tam, you're my man, come on baby you know I love you. " I crooned to her as I placed a giant kiss on her cheek.

"That's it! I think you've had enough." Tamberlyn groaned as she pushed me off.

I land on the floor giggling uncontrollably

"Oh Tam it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

"Now you're quoting Marilyn Monroe, I'm officially cutting you off."

"Boo, party pooper"

"I'm sorry things didn't work out with the hunky twat, but you can't mope around forever-" she poured out all the stray alcohol left in cups around the apartment "and you definitely can't drink your troubles away."

"Said who?" I murmur into my cup as I sway my hips to The Weekends XO/The Host

"Dance with me" I pull Max up and sway with him to the beat.

I may be beyond tipsy but I am fully aware of Max's hands on my hips as I press my back to his chest.

Suddenly Tamberlyn grabs my arm "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Her eyes glowing redder than her hair.

"We're just dancing Tam." I answer brushing off her anger I walk to the kitchen and pour another drink.
"This isn't you Nat."

I know this isn't me, I never drink this much, I don't even dance let alone grind on my friends current beau. I don't want to be me right now, I wanted to be someone else. Someone who didn't overthink things, and didn't care what other thought.

"This is about Art, isn't it?"

My heart skips a beat at the sound of his name, I haven't heard it out loud in a long time. Just hearing it brought back flashes of his touch, his smell, his kiss. Then came the pain, the memories of our last fight, the pain I caused him, the look in his eyes when I gave up on him, watching him walk out when he gave up on me."

"What the hell happened Nat?" She looks in my eyes with the greatest concern a friend can have. Pangs of guilt shoot through my stomach as I realize what I've done.

"I'm so sorry Tam" I hugged her tight as if I could gain some of her strength through osmosis. She stroked my hair whispering "it's okay" and "everything's gonna be fine" over and over.


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





The familiar bells and whistles fill the air as I stroll down the boardwalk with Tam. Ever since my mini-meltdown I've been spending more time with Tam and getting my head together so I can refocus on what's important to me, school. After a few slaps and cathartic talks we decided the final thing I needed to clear my head was a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride is supposed to be very symbiotic, as I reach the top and sit among the stars I'll have ultimate clarity. Tam thinks it's 'a ridiculous waste of a good time' but she's joining me in sister solidarity nonetheless.


"Do you hear that?"


"What the music? It's a street performer, they're everywhere."

"There he is" I turn Tamberlyn around to watch as this [person] strides through the crowd with his acoustic guitar crooning his version of Miguel's 'Sure Thing' to passersbys.

As I watch him strum his guitar I don't realize I've been drifting towards his melodic voice until we lock eyes.

His hazelnut eyes twinkle with flecks of gray as he gets closer pulling me further into his trance.

I hear a hushed exasperation from Tamberlyn that knocks me into reality.I realize how many people are watching him sing to me and my anxiety rises as I shift uncomfortably. He notices and encircles me while continuing to perform.

I try to get out of the circle but he smiles and traps me in my flustration.

Maybe I can at least get Tamberlyn in the circle so I can hide behind her. I inch closer and closer to Tamberlyn.

"Oh no you don't" Tamberlyn whispers as she realizes my plan and fades further into the growing crowd.

I reason to myself that the song is almost over and I can finally die of embarrassment.

As he sings his last oohs and ahhs the crowd burst in applause, some yell encouragement while others are too busy putting tips into his guitar case. I grab Tamberlyn and push through the crowd hoping to be able to run from my embarrassment.


"He was cute why didn't you talk to him?"

"He was a bit too busy singing to talk"

"He's not busy now, stop running from him and take your chance."

"I'd rather go on the Ferris wheel, you know the reason we're here."

"The reason YOU'RE here, I'm just here for the free food and the guy scouting opportunities."
"Free food?"
"You are sponsoring this trip aren't you? I didn't drag my ass out of bed on my one night off to for a symbolic ride on a Ferris wheel"
"Fine, fine I'll buy you dinner." I relent as we push through the throngs of people on the boardwalk, when a face pops up in front of us.

"Hey, sorry about that back there."

It's the crooner from before, did he follow us?

"The singing or the lifetime of regretful twinges I'll have when I think about how I embarrassed I was. Because the singing wasn't so bad."

He chuckled as he adjusted his guitar on his back; I watched as the rays of sunset reflected off of his caramel skin. His crooked smile was laced with sincerity while the grey flecks in his eyes showed prominently during the setting of the sun.

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it, sometimes I get kinda caught up in the performance. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you love."

"Are you British?"

"How astute, why yes I hail from the British isles."

" That. is. lovely." I slowly reply trying not to melt in my non-expensive fake motorcycle boots.

"Well we have to be off, gotta date with a Ferris wheel."
"OR," Tamberlyn chimed in pushing me closer to the choir boy. "You two could go on the Ferris wheel while I check out what this fried Oreo stand is all about."

"That sounds bloody fantastic" He replied taking my arm before I had a chance to interject.


I watched as Tamberlyn gave me two thumbs up while mouthing "Go get some" before she twirled around grabbing the first handsome guy in arms length and sashaying towards the fried Oreo stand.

                                                                                                 ¤

"Sorry sir you can't bring the guitar on the Ferris wheel, but I'll be happy to look after it for you."

"Okay but if anything happens to Delilah, I'll hurt you." He threatens as he hesitantly hand over his guitar.

"You don't have to come on the wheel with me if you don't want to leave your guitar. It was more of a me and Tam thing anyways."

"Nonsense, I said I'd take you and I keep my word." He smiled as he took my hand and ushered me into the empty Ferris wheel seat.

"So you named your guitar Delilah? That's very southern for a Brit."
"Well my ex loved that song, it was symbolic I guess.-" He shifted as the wheel pause "So what brings you to the boardwalk?"

"Getting over a guy. You?"

"Getting over a girl."

"Talk about the boulevard of broken dreams."

"Well the boardwalk is just my escape, it goes with the singing. I followed my ex-girlfriend over here from Britain so she could pursue her modeling career."

"You followed your girlfriend across the ocean? That's, love." The grey flecks in his eyes darkened 
"Ex-girlfriend, yeah well it was love until she left me for some knob head photographer and I've been kinda stuck here ever since."

"Wow that sucks." He chuckled as he ran his hand over the tiny black ringlets that dangled lightly from his head.

"Yeah but on the positive, I get to ride the ferris wheel with gorge girls."
"Ah so this is like a routine then-" I chuckle as the grey in his eyes become brighter "You serenade girls, stalk them and get them alone on the Ferris wheel."

"Only the really pretty ones, and I don't just get them alone on the Ferris wheel, I get them to stop at the tip top." As if on cue the Ferris wheel comes to a halt as we reach the highest point.

"Then I point out the Ursa Major constellation, while rambling a few facts about the big dipper. I make sure to sound smart but not enough to sound like a complete tosser."

"Wow smooth move Romeo."

"Oh that's not all Luv, after pointing out the stars I take off my jacket-" I watched as he narrated his every move "and I put it over the lucky lady to keep her warm while we sit among the stars."

"And this actually, works?" I asked, very aware of his arm embracing me as he held the jacket on my shoulders.

"You tell me." He whispered as he filled the empty space between us and softly brushed his lips against mine. With our eyes closed in the still of the cold night air, the warmth of his lips leave a radiating trace on me as I beg for their comfort once again. I'm surprised at the want I feel to have his lips pressed against mine. As if answering my thoughts he tenderly kissed my bottom lip. While his hands wrap around my waist pulling me eagerly towards him his tongue parts my lips. I moan as the want of his warmth grows, I slipped my tongue into his mouth and we pressed our bodies closer in the night until there was no more space keeping us apart.

Slowly fading back into reality, our eyes are locked onto each other refusing to relinquish the ethereal moment we shared. Entangled in our kissing session we forget where we are until we hear someone clearing their throat. Apparently we're the last ones on the ride and we've traveled back to the bottom of the wheel.

"Ahem, sorry dude rides closing. I'd love to help you out with another roundabout bruh, but I gotta clock out."

Thomas took my hand and helped me out of the carriage, a good precaution considering the lip session left my legs feeling like jelly.

"Thanks man," Thomas shook the man's hand slipping him an indiscriminate amount of green. I wasn't sure if it was for watching his guitar or stopping the Ferris wheel, maybe both.

What does one say after making out on a Ferris wheel like a high schooler, "Thanks, gotta make curfew?" I just stood there hoping he would take the initiative. 
Thomas took my hand and we walked towards the stand where Tamberlyn drifted off.


"Thank you ever so much for allowing me to accompany you on the Ferris wheel, I'm not sure what the original symbolism was but I hope you found what you were looking for."

With those words Thomas kissed me lightly on the cheek and whispered in my ear before turning to walk away.


"What did he say?" I let out a tiny yelp as Tam slid up next to me

"Shit, Tam, you scared the crap out of me."
"Yeah I bet you didn't even see me with your eyes glued to his ass. So what did he say?"

I checked my pockets and sure enough there was a scrap of paper with his phone number. "He said most people are a star in the sky, but I am a constellation."

"Damn that's corny, but he's cute with an accent so not bad."

"Come on Tam let's go I'm getting tired." I replied ignoring her corny comment, I was feeling too good to let her get to me. I grabbed her arm as we walked to the car while I replayed the kiss in my head over and over. I am definitely going to have to give him a call.

"Did he write his phone number down. what he never heard of cell phone swapping, and don't think I didn't see y'all making out up there like a bunch of high schoolers. Y'all are too grown for that. I said he could take my place on the Ferris ride not try to ride you. You're lucky I don't tell your mama."

"Tam-- shut up." We both chuckle as we get in the car and head home.