20 comments/ 25949 views/ 55 favorites 1. Racing From Love Ch. 19-21 By: inspirixis1 Chapter Nineteen Emma wasn’t sure what to do. It had been so good to see Sam again, he made life so much easier, especially under the current shitty circumstances. Who else could make her laugh during a gynecological exam? When she hung out with Sam the anxiety could be kept at bay. But she owed her parents. They had saved her life, given her a chance to succeed, could she really throw that back in their faces? If she was feeling conflicted about Sam it was nowhere near the confusion that she was feeling over the pregnancy. She didn’t want it. She wanted to run in her last year of college, to go to the national championships. She wanted to have a normal life, to go to law school and get married and settle down before having kids. But she felt so protective of it, she couldn’t help but rub her belly and curl around it at night and pray. She didn’t even believe in god, but she still prayed. She loved it, that’s what it came down to. She didn’t even know it yet and she loved it. How could that be possible? She saw Linda the psychologist again but it seemed she’d provided the big insight on her first visit. The big point she had tried to make was that her mom was acting in her own best interests, but that was obvious to Emma anyway, since their mom had lied to Sam. She wasn’t much help. It was Friday, their embryo was 22 days old. She needed to make a decision soon. She had taken the afternoon off to take her Nanna into San Francisco to go to lunch and see the Christmas tree in Union Square. It was tradition. Nanna and Poppa had taken her and Sam to see the tree every year when they were kids. They’d walk around and look at the Christmas scenes in the windows of the big department stores, pointing out the elves and reindeer and squealing in delight when they came upon a window with a fake snow machine. It was always so magical. Emma had kept the tradition up even after they had outgrown looking in the windows. Even after Poppa had died and even after Sam had left for college, she still took Nanna every year to look at the tree. It was surprisingly warm for December in San Francisco, it was actually a glorious day. After lunch they sat on a bench in the square looking at the tree and watching children play around it. There were all sorts of kids around, from little babies in the arms of a parent to preadolescent teenagers, in every skin tone imaginable. It was San Francisco, after all. Emma felt heavy, every movement, every word was a huge effort for her. It was the depression. She knew that she needed medication but she was putting it off until she decided what to do about the pregnancy. If she decided to terminate the pregnancy she could go back on the Paxil. ‘I remember when you and Sam were small and you two used to run around like those kids,’ Nanna said, nodding to a group of kids tearing around the square, chasing each other and shrieking in delight. ‘I was always so afraid of losing the two of you, you were so quick,’ she chuckled. ‘Back in those days people used to look at us strangely when we’d take the two of you out. An elderly white couple with one white kid and one black kid. We certainly got some funny looks, but we didn’t care, you kids brought us so much joy. I only wish that your mother’s parents could have realized that.’ Huh? What was Nanna going on about? Mom’s parents died a long time ago, before Sam and she were even born. This was all she needed, her own life was fucked up, and now Nanna was going senile. ‘Nanna, mom’s parents never even met us, they died before Sam and I were born,’ she said gently as she turned to her old grandmother. Nanna was still watching the children playing around the tree. ‘Emma, you are an adult now, you deserve to know the truth.’ The truth? What truth? What was she going on about? ‘Your mother’s parents are still alive and well, as far as I know. They live in rural Ohio.’ ‘What? Nanna you’re not making any sense, if mom’s parents were alive why haven’t we ever met them?’ Nanna turned and placed a hand over hers, her blue eyes were sprightly in her old wrinkled face. ‘Emma, I’m going to tell you the whole story, the true version. You’ll need to be strong my girl, because there are some parts that you are not going to like.’ Emma’s mouth was dry, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know whatever it was Nanna seemed intent on telling her. ‘Okay,’ she said in a small voice. ‘I remember the day that you were born Emma, so tumultuous, so sad. I got a phone call from John, he was close to panic, which is very unlike him. ‘He was leaving the hospital after Sam was born and he’d found a pregnant teenager wandering around outside, bleeding. She was out of it, having some sort of psychotic episode. She’d begged him not to take her inside; she thought that they would kill her in there. ‘Of course he had no choice, he picked her up and took her inside, kicking, screaming, biting. She kept on telling him, ‘They’re going to kill me,’ he tried to calm her down but what could he say? The girl was nuts, totally psychotic. ‘She died in the emergency room, the coroner found a lethal cocktail of drugs in her blood. You were cut out of her womb the minute she was pronounced dead.’ Nanna paused a moment and squeezed Emma’s shoulder. She felt numb. ‘Nobody knew who this woman was, she didn’t have any ID, she didn’t have any dental records, she never told anyone her name, she was a complete mystery. ‘You were very sick, you were premature and you had drugs in your system. You were in the intensive care unit for a long time. John would go and visit you every day, he felt responsible for you, he was heartbroken that you were alone. When you were well enough to go to a foster family nobody wanted you. You see, there was something else...’ Emma was crying, she couldn’t help it, big fat streaks of tears ran down her face and dripped onto her sweater. Nanna took both her hands. ‘Your mother had HIV.’ Emma gasped as her chest contracted painfully. The woman that Nanna was describing and the picture that she was painting was so different from the story she’d been told all her life. ‘Back in those days it wasn’t clear how the virus was spread, there was so much fear. Even though your tests had come back negative, no foster family would take you. ‘John asked Judy if they could take you in, just until a good family could be found. It was a difficult time, Sam was still so young and vulnerable and being new parents they were afraid of every little bump or scratch. ‘They read everything they could find on the virus and talked to doctors who were researching it. Finally they decided to take the chance on you. ‘Well, once you were inside the house everything changed. They fell in love with you, Sam fell in love with you. He was a changed baby, whilst before he would cry and scream, now he would giggle and coo. Nanna smiled, lost in thought. ‘You were the most beautiful baby Emma, Poppa and I were tickled pink. Judy always said that she would only have one child, she was a career woman and she couldn’t afford the extra time off, but now it seemed that we might have two grandchildren after all. The talk of adoption started, but there was a problem. ‘Judy’s parents would not hear of it. They were fundamentalists you see, they didn’t believe in interracial families, they thought the blacks belonged with the blacks and not in their daughter’s home. They threatened to excommunicate her. ‘It was a terrible strain on your poor mother. She is a good woman, you must know that, but when one’s parents have such a strong will on an issue it can tend to cloud one’s judgment.’ Nanna paused. She was still holding Emma’s hands and she squeezed them lightly, was she imagining it or was Nanna trying to emphasize that last comment? ‘Judy decided to give you up. John was devastated. This time a foster family was found and you were sent away to them.’ Emma thought she could feel hear heart breaking, the pain in her chest was searing. ‘Three months you were gone. It was the longest three months of any of our lives. John was practically stalking your new foster family, trying to make sure you were safe. Sam was hysterical; he wouldn’t stop screaming. He spent every single waking moment screaming, and he hardly slept. Judy took him to all sorts of doctors, specialists for every conceivable problem. There was nothing physically wrong with him, he just wouldn’t stop screaming. Judy was a mess, she loved you Emma, don’t doubt that, but she was dutiful to her parents. The conflict within her was tremendous. ‘Those were hard times,’ Nanna said, shaking her head. She took her hands away and rooted around in her handbag for a moment before pulling out a big lacy handkerchief, the kind that only grandmas carry these days. She took Emma’s face in her hands and wiped away her tears. It was such a kind gesture. She handed Emma the ridiculous handkerchief. ‘It all came to a head when you were admitted to the hospital.’ Emma didn’t know how much more of this she could take. She didn’t want to know why she would have been back in the hospital, the possibilities were too horrible to contemplate. ‘The foster family’s son had pushed you off the changing table while the mother wasn’t looking, and you’d hit your head hard. You weren’t in any real danger, the doctors did CT scans and had you under observation for a few days, but it was too much for your poor mother, she asked to take you back. ‘Her parents were furious. They were racist, they didn’t think you belonged and you were such a risk in their eyes. Nobody knew what you’d been through in your mother’s womb, what sorts of drugs or alcohol you’d been exposed to when you were just developing, and now you had a traumatic head injury to add to that. They were sure that you could only bring heartache to their only child. ‘But your mother and father were firm, in their eyes you belonged in their home and nowhere else. There was a nasty scuffle and Judy’s parents haven’t spoken to her since.’ Emma was crying hard, Nanna put her arm around her and squeezed her. Poor mom. Emma had never realized how much hardship she had brought on her mother. The way her parents had told the story was always so simple and happy, she had never thought to question the validity of it. Nanna let Emma weep for a long time, rubbing her back and squeezing her shoulders without saying anything. When she finally calmed down she looked up to see the children still playing around the Christmas tree. They were still pointing and screaming, and running and chasing each other. The world hadn’t changed, but Emma had. ‘We all agreed that it would be best to keep this from you until you were old enough to handle it like an adult. Your mother and father came up with the story, Poppa and I went along with it. It has been a great betrayal of trust Emma, but we needed to do it, to give you the confidence you needed grow into the wonderful woman you are today.’ Emma just nodded, she didn’t blame them. Her sinuses were swamped with snot, her eyes sore from tears. She was exhausted. ‘It’s okay Nanna, I understand,’ she said. Nanna squeezed her again. ‘You may understand the story Emma, but I’m not sure you understand my point.’ Emma looked at her, Nanna’s bright blue eyes sparkled in her soft wrinkled face, they were the same blue as Sam’s eyes. ‘You have brought so much joy to your parents Emma, they’ve loved you as if you were their own child, in many ways you are their own child. Your mother made the right decision when she broke with her parents.’ ‘My point is that sometimes parents don’t know what is best for their children. If your mother listened to her parents Sam would have grown up alone, and I don’t doubt that her relationship with your father would have been in tatters. ‘Once our children become adults it is an honor to be part of their lives, not a right… Once children become adults they have to make decisions for themselves, for their own futures, not for the sake of their parents.’ Emma was stumped, she didn’t know what to say. Did Nanna know what was going on? How could she? Dad had specifically told them not to mention anything to her, he said she was too old, too fragile to handle that sort of shock. Nanna smiled, ‘Emma, I may be old but I’m still spry, I know there’s something going on between you and Sam.’ Emma felt very small. ‘How?’ She asked. Nanna chuckled. ‘Oh darling, that boy has been in love with you for years, it was only a matter of time,’ she said with a wave of her hand. Emma couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘Emma, your mother may never forgive you, but that is her choice, not yours.’ Nanna patted her on the knee. ‘Now, we should be getting going, I don’t want to miss my exercise class.’ After Emma dropped Nanna off she went straight to the house. It was only 3:30 and nobody was home. She got out the family photo albums and started searching through them. She found her parents’ wedding photos. They were so ridiculously young and happy, her mom in a flowy white dress and an orchid in her hair, her dad with a beard. She turned through the pages until she found the family photos. There were photos with Nanna and Poppa, their fresh faces beaming with pride, and then there they were, her mom’s parents. They looked normal. She was wearing a purple woven dress and he was wearing a suit. She flipped forward through the numbered volumes, her mom must have indexed these, she was so organized like that. She pulled out Sam’s baby photos. He was so sweet, like a little pink cherub, her heart felt warm looking at him, her hand went to her belly where his baby was growing inside her. She knew that their baby would be darker and have her brown eyes, but maybe it would be like Sam in other ways, maybe it would have his laugh, maybe it would have his perfect smile. At that moment she knew she wanted to keep the baby. She didn’t know how they would do it, everything was so complicated, but there was no turning back. She loved Sam and she loved their baby, they would have to find a way. She’d seen these photos before but she’d never really examined them. She slowly turned through the pages, looking at each face in each photo. She found them. There were a couple of photos of baby Sam with her mom’s parents. They looked happy, proud, nothing amiss. But that was the end of them, there weren’t any more photos of them. As she paged forward she saw the first photos of her, it must have been four or five weeks after they were born. There was a photo of her sleeping in the crib with Sam beside her, her dark wispy curls mingled with his soft blonde hair. She was so small compared to him. Emma had always assumed that she was just a small baby, but now that she looked at the photo she realized that she must have been born very premature, although technically she guessed she wasn’t born, she was extracted. She continued paging through the photos, there were a few pages with her in them as a small baby. There was a beautiful photo of her mother kissing her on the forehead. She started crying again, her eyes were so sore but she couldn’t help the tears from rolling out. Her mom looked so loving, so protective. In the next photos she and Sam were bigger. She was no expert on babies but it was clear that quite some time had passed, they were bigger, chubbier. Three months Nanna had told her, three months she was with another family. Looking at the photos she knew it was true. She went back to the photo of her mom kissing her and held it in her lap and cried for a long time. When she finally ran out of tears she put the baby photos away and continued looking through the later photos, their childhood and teenage years. Page after page of happy faces smiled, glowed up at her. Through them all her mother seemed happy, there was a photo of her carrying a birthday cake in the shape of a ballerina, she was smiling widely. The subsequent photos were of Emma blowing out the candles, it was her 5th birthday. In another one they were all at the beach, her dad had his arm around her mom, cuddling her to him while Emma and Sam sat proudly beside an enormous sand castle. Her parents were so happy, you could see it in their eyes. There was never another photo of her mother’s parents, not one. She continued looking idly through the remaining volumes of photos. She and Sam got bigger and bigger. There they were on their first day of school. Sam had cried. She didn’t remember it but her dad used to remind Sam of it whenever he called Emma a sissy. There were school year group photos too. She took out the third grade photo and examined it, the faces familiar yet foreign at the same time. Then she saw her. Melinda Richie, her archenemy. Melinda had gotten it in for Emma early on and had never let it go, through eight years of school she’d had to put up with Melinda always plotting against her. Emma had always been a fast runner and it got on Melinda’s nerves. Every year there was a school athletics carnival and Emma always won every single running event, Melinda always came second. When they’d been sixth grade it had come to a head. They’d been at the athletics carnival, it was Emma’s turn to do the long jump and Melinda had volunteered to rake the sand pit. Right when Emma had made it to the end of the run up Melinda stuck the rake out in front of her. Of course she had tripped and fell. She was covered in sand and had a huge egg shaped lump on her shin where she’d hit the rake. Melinda had laughed and called her a useless nigger. It was then that Emma had seen Sam, it made her smile to think of it. Sam had seen the whole thing and had picked up a 5 gallon cooler half full of Gatorade. He walked up behind Melina and hovered behind her for just a second, long enough to make eye contact with Emma and smile wickedly at her. He dumped the whole thing over Melinda, the yellow-green sticky drink completely drenching her, she was sent home crying. Sam had taken Emma up to the nurse and they’d gotten to go home early too. She pulled out her phone and called him. ‘Hey, what’s up?’ He answered. ‘Melinda Richie,’ she blurted out. He burst out laughing. ‘What are you doing thinking about that bitch?’ He asked. ‘I’m looking at old photos. I hadn’t thought about her in years.’ ‘Yeah, me neither.’ He paused. ‘Shouldn’t you be studying?’ It was exam week next week, Emma had a tonne of work to do. She sighed, ‘Yeah, probably. Is that what you’re doing?’ ‘Uh-huh. Math. I have an exam on Monday and I have to go to this stupid swim meet tomorrow in Fresno.’ ‘Fresno?’ She wanted to tell him about keeping the baby but if he was going to be in Fresno tomorrow maybe she would drive down and tell him in person. She’d been to the swim complex down there before, she knew where it was. ‘Yeah, it’s so stupid, I don’t know why they make us go, they know we have exams next week.’ ‘Well I guess I had better let you get back to it then. I just called to remember Melinda with you.’ ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘Hey Em?’ He added softly. ‘Yeah?’ ‘Is everything okay? You know, with the ba… with the embryo?’ He sounded so shy. She smiled, ‘Yeah, everything’s fine Sam.’ She shouldn’t torture him like this but she wanted to be with him when she told him. ‘Okay, good. I’ve got to finish these math problems, I’m going to be gone all day tomorrow.’ ‘What time do you leave?’ She asked. ‘Five thirty, can you believe it? I’m so pissed about it.’ She smiled, he wasn’t going to be pissed about it tomorrow. ‘Yeah, that’s lousy Sam. Good luck tomorrow.’ ‘Thanks, talk to you again soon.’ ‘Bye.’ She hung up and started putting the photo albums away, she should go do some work. 1. Racing From Love Ch. 19-21 She was just leaving when her mom pulled into the driveway. She hadn’t seen her since they’d been out to lunch that day and she had told Emma that she should break it off with Sam. She waited on the front step for her, watching as she gathered her brief case and locked the car. Her mom smiled and waved to her, Emma waved back. As she watched her mom walk towards her she anticipated the anxiety, but it never came. Emma covered the last few steps between them and enclosed her mom in a tight hug. Her mom was a few inches taller than her and much broader, she was a tall athletic woman. Emma’s had to lift her face up towards the sky to hug her. ‘Mommy,’ she whispered, thinking of everything her mother had sacrificed for her. ‘What is it Emma? What’s wrong?’ Her mom asked. ‘Mom, I love you,’ ‘I love you too Emma,’ she replied. ‘What’s all of this about?’ Emma pulled away from her and looked up into her eyes. ‘Mom, you saved my life, I owe you my life, but I can’t stop loving Sam because that’s what you want.’ Her mom’s eyes narrowed and turned dark. ‘You’re going to go back to him,’ she stated. ‘Yes.’ ‘You are going to engage in a sexual relationship with your brother.’ ‘Yes, if he’ll have me back.’ Emma knew that she would have to tell Sam all of the things that Nanna had told her, she hoped it wouldn’t make a difference to the way he felt about her. ‘With your brother, Emma. Do you realize how disgusting that is?’ ‘I understand that you find it… disturbing, yes. But I love him, I need him.’ Emma was surprised by how calm she felt. ‘And what about what Sam needs?’ ‘Sam has a choice too, he’s always had a choice.’ Her mom sighed, her lips contorted in a tight frown. ‘I’m not happy about this Emma. I want you to leave now.’ ‘Okay.’ Emma looked at her mom for a few long seconds. ‘Mom, I hope you decide to stay in our lives, it would be horrible to live without you,’ she told her. Her mother looked uneasy. She opened her mouth as if to speak but then shut it again. Emma turned away and walked down to her car. When she looked back up her mother had gone into the house. CHAPTER TWENTY It wasn’t that warm in Fresno, Emma agreed that a swim meet was a stupid idea. She zipped her fleece all the way up to her chin and rooted around in the trunk of her car for more warm clothes. She’d come straight from training that morning, she’d taken a lightening fast shower and thrown on her track pants and a t-shirt, not even thinking about what the weather might be like closer to the mountains. She found a woolen winter hat and shoved it down over her unruly hair. That would have to do, the only other clothes in her car were a swimsuit and a tank top. She tried to jog over to the swimming complex but she couldn’t handle the pain in her boobs. They were so incredibly sore, running had been really uncomfortable this morning. She folded her arms over her chest and walked very quickly to try and generate some body heat. When she got to the swim complex she opted to take the back way in. She’d been here before, actually more than once, so she knew her way around. She wanted to sit and watch until Sam had swum all of his events before going to say hello, and taking the back way in would help her to avoid him. She stopped past the notice board where the program was posted to check the schedule of events. She looked up at the score board, they were up to event 14, about half way through the program. She scanned down the list of events. Sam would have already swam the 100 and 200 fly and the 200 IM, there were two more events before the 400 IM, then he’d be done until the relays. She walked up into the stands. It was fairly crowded, the teams from Cal, Stanford and UCLA were there, and each had brought their women’s team as well. She decided to sit behind the UCLA supporters. Shit it was cold. She pulled her knees into her chest and hugged them with her arms. They were swimming the 100 breaststroke. This was Tyler’s event. Emma scanned the men behind the blocks trying to figure out if he was in the line up. Not in the first heat. The starting gun went off and the next row of swimmers moved up behind the blocks. Her heart skipped a beat. Sam was down there. He was talking to a lanky guy, it must have been Tyler. He must have been wishing him good luck. They did one of those stupid handshakes that guys do and to her surprise he lined up behind lane 2. Sam was swimming the 100 breaststroke? What was up with that? The racing was moving quickly. The previous heat cleared from the water and Sam’s heat was called onto the blocks. He looked so good up there. He was wearing a racing suit that extended from his hips to his ankles, his tanned torso was lean and his shoulders bulky. The starting gun went off. He got a pretty good start and surfaced near the front of the field. They were swimming short course so it was 4 laps total. Tyler was kicking ass. She watched him carefully; what was he doing that made him move through the water so fast? He wasn’t taking more strokes than anyone else, in fact, if anything he was taking fewer, longer strokes. His arms didn’t look like they were doing any of the work, it was all in his kick. He had an amazing kick, his hips and legs actually undulated like he was swimming butterfly, his feet came close to breaking the surface but they never did. She looked over at Sam. He was doing a pretty good job at keeping up but he looked like shit compared to Tyler, too flat in the water. Sam looked like he was going flat out, while Tyler seemed to be gliding along effortlessly. The race was over quickly and they cleared the water. She watched as Sam pulled himself out of the water and waited for Tyler, who’d been a few lanes over from him, to get out. He patted Tyler on the back and they walked over to the warm up pool together. Emma sat through the women’s 100 breaststroke and then the 50 freestyle. It wasn’t that long before Sam was behind the blocks again, this time for the 400 IM. Again he got a pretty good start but this time he was leading at the first turn. He had such a beautiful butterfly, so powerful yet graceful at the same time. His backstroke was looking nice too, he was easily a few body lengths ahead of the rest of the field when he came into the turn for the breaststroke leg. He stuffed up the turn, he flipped too close to the wall and he stumbled when he pushed off. It cost him a few tenths of a second. He still had an easy lead over the rest of the field but it was diminishing by the time he got to the end of the breaststroke. He sprinted the last 100 freestyle and came in a good couple of seconds ahead of second place. He won easily but it was a shitty race, he looked sloppy. She watched him get out of the water and go to the warm up pool to cool down. She gave him a few minutes before getting up to go find him. Her legs felt stiff and her ass was numb from sitting on the cold bleacher. She walked around the competition pool and over to the warm up pool. She scanned the water looking for him. He wasn’t in there, she looked around the deck of the pool. He was talking to Tyler, he had his back to her. Tyler was demonstrating something to him, showing him an arm movement. They were about the same height but Sam was way bulkier in the shoulders. Two women in swimsuits approached them, Emma watched intently. One of them put her hand on Sam’s arm and Emma felt a fire ignite in her stomach. Sam moved his arm to scratch his head, side-stepping at the same time to move away from her reach, not rudely but obviously. Emma smiled, she didn’t deserve such a good man. She walked towards them, she was getting so close that she could hear snippets of their conversation, the woman that had touched Sam was laughing loudly. Sam had shaved his head, she hadn’t noticed it before but it looked good from this close, short and thick. Tyler saw her, a big goofy grin spread over his face. ‘Oh, this is going to be good,’ he said. Emma smiled back at Tyler. ‘What?’ Sam asked as he turned around, following Tyler’s gaze. ‘Hey Sammy,’ she said, giving him her best smile. ‘Emma!’ He was obviously surprised. ‘Nice hair cut,’ she said as she ran her hand over his head, his short damp hair chilling her already cold fingers. He pulled her into a hug. ‘What are you doing here?’ He asked, bewildered. ‘I wanted to see you race.’ ‘What do you think Emma? Are you going to rip him a new one?’ Tyler said, still grinning. ‘Huh?’ She asked as Sam released her. ‘Didn’t you see that last race? He missed a turn, I thought you’d be all over that,’ he said with a questioning tilt of his head. The two girls looked on interestedly. ‘Oh, I thought it was fine. It was great. Good race Sam,’ she said. She patted him on the back for good measure. ‘I saw the 100 breaststroke too, you were awesome Tyler.’ Tyler narrowed his eyes at her, ‘Now I’m suspicious,’ he said. ‘What? I’m serious,’ she said. She rubbed her hands together to try and warm them. Sam grabbed her hands. ‘You’re freezing. Come on, I’ll get you a sweater,’ he said as he lead her away towards where the USC team had all of their gear on the grassy hill on the West side of the competition pool. He let go of her as he ducked to get under the tent. There were athletes all over the place, stretching, chilling, listening to music, it wasn’t unlike the track team at Cal. Sam leaned down and rifled through a bag, his racing suit just covered to tops of his butt cheeks, she could see the curve of the small of his back. He pulled a hooded sweatshirt from his bag and walked to the back of the tent where the big long fleece lined team parkas were hanging. She waited as he sorted through them until he found the one that said ‘Watson’ on the back. He came back out from the tent holding the sweatshirt in one hand and the parka in the other. ‘Which one?’ he asked. She reached for the hoodie and quickly pulled it over her head. It was stupidly large on her, the waistband fell half way down her thighs, but it was warm. ‘Thanks. I left so quickly this morning I didn’t even think about bringing warm clothes.’ ‘Is there another reason you’re here Em?’ He asked as he pulled his parka on, his face was serious. ‘Yeah, I wanted to talk to you in person.’ He nodded, ‘Okay, come on,’ he grabbed her hand and started walking out of the swim complex. He led her past the food stands, past the locker rooms and around the corner, to the rear of the building, which was deserted. ‘You’ve made a decision?’ He asked, tense. She nodded. ‘Yes…’ she took a deep breath, ‘I think we should have the baby,’ she told him. He was staring at her hard, it made her feel unsure of herself, wasn’t this what he’d wanted? ‘You’re sure?’ ‘So long as you are Sam, I can’t do this without you.’ He was still staring at her. ‘You want to keep the baby?’ He asked again. ‘Yes.’ She replied. Finally he broke the stare. He closed his eyes and let out a breath, as if he had been holding it for a long time. He pulled her to him, hugging her close. She cringed, it hurt her boobs, but she didn’t want to pull away. ‘Thank you Emma,’ he whispered to her. He held her like that for a long time, the pain in her breasts subsided with the prolonged contact. She moved her arms under his parka and hugged him around his naked torso. Her hands found his bare skin and were heated by the warmth radiating from him. He pulled back from her a little. They were still in a half-hug, with her hands resting on his hips and his hands on her shoulders. ‘Did you decide about us?’ He asked. ‘I think so. We need to talk about it more first,’ she said. ‘Okay, what do you want to talk about?’ He asked. ‘There are some things that I need to tell you, it’s kind of a long story. When are you going to be home for Christmas break?’ ‘My last exam is Thursday morning, I can come up right after that,’ he said. She nodded, ‘Okay, come to my apartment first.’ He was staring at her again. ‘What?’ She asked. ‘Come on Em, you’re killing me. Is it ‘I think so good’, or ‘I think so bad?’’ She smiled, ‘Let’s just say that I am amenable.’ ‘Amenable? Shit babe, you’re going to make me get out a dictionary at a time like this?’ She laughed. ‘Sam, I want to be with you, I just think there are some things we need to talk about first.’ Sam leaned down close to her face. ‘You want to be with me?’ He asked softly, his lips just inches from hers. She could see the faint freckles that were scattered across his tanned nose and cheeks. ‘Yeah Sammy, I want to be with you,’ she replied in a quiet voice. His hands cupped her face, he looked into her eyes for a few long seconds. This was her man, the man she would spend the rest of her life with, the father of her child. He brought his lips down to meet hers. He kissed her slowly, his cold lips gentle yet incessant, his warm tongue stroking her back to life. She let her hands roam over his naked back, gliding over his smooth skin and caressing his firm musculature. She was lost in him. He was warm, he felt so good in the cold air. Nearby, someone cleared their throat. Emma and Sam broke their kiss. It was Tyler, with that goofy grin of his. ‘Sorry,’ he said. At least he had the decency to look a little sheepish about it. ‘Sam, you’re going to miss the 200 free if you don’t hurry up.’ ‘200 free?’ She asked. She was surprised by this new program of events, first 100 breaststroke and now 200 freestyle? ‘Yeah, well I figured if I’m going to swim the IM for real I had better figure out my breaststroke and freestyle,’ Sam said. Emma smiled, he was taking her advice. They walked back to the pool together with Tyler. ‘So, can I assume it is good news?’ He asked. Sam grinned, ‘Emma is amenable.’ Tyler laughed. ‘Emma is going to make a very good lawyer. Isn’t amenable one of those words that can have about ten different meanings?’ ‘Yes,’ she admitted. Sam turned to look at her, his brow furrowed in question. ‘It’s okay, there was only one definition of it that made any sense in the context, it means willing.’ His eyes widened and she couldn’t help but laugh at his wicked grin, ‘Oh, I like that better… Emma is willing.’ He pulled her into his side with one arm around her waist. She laughed as she batted at him. ‘Get away from me, you pervert,’ she giggled. ‘No way, you never know what sort of mischief a willing woman may get up to in a place like this.’ They had come back to the team tent. He smiled down at her, ‘I guess I will have to trust Tyler with you for now.’ He let go of her and ducked back under the tent leaving her standing with Tyler. He emerged a few seconds later, he’d shed his parka and had swim cap and goggles in one hand. He held out a shopping bag. ‘Eat.’ It was half way between a request and an order. She nodded as she took the bag from him. ‘Be back in a minute,’ he said as he walked off towards the warm up pool. She looked at Tyler, who was regarding her openly. ‘What?’ She asked him. ‘Nothing, it’s just that I’ve never seen Sam play with anyone like that before. Come on.’ He led her past the team tent to a patch of grass in the sun. There were fewer people around and they’d have a good view of the competition pool from here. ‘So, what was it like growing up with Sam?’ He asked as he sat down on the grass. Sam must have told him. She looked at him carefully, he seemed open and friendly, she guessed that if Sam trusted him she should too. She sat down beside him and opened the bag. ‘Good. I’m glad for him,’ she said as she rooted around in the bag. He had a tonne of food in there; fruit, cheese, bread, nuts. She pulled out the loaf of bread, it was one of those artisan loaves. She tore off a chunk and started chewing it. The sleeves of Sam’s sweater fell down around her hands but she didn’t bother to roll them up. Her stomach didn’t feel too bad. Not great, but not too bad. ‘God, I would have hated to be Sam’s sibling, he’s such an overachiever. How could you get noticed with Sam being so good at everything?’ She laughed, ‘Well, we lived in a pretty white neighborhood, I was the only black kid in our grade at school, it was kind of hard for me to not get noticed. Besides, Sam’s not good at everything, you obviously haven’t heard him sing. Or should I say, try to sing.’ ‘Really?’ Tyler was grinning, obviously delighting in finding out the dirt on his friend. ‘The boy doesn’t have a musical bone in his body. When we were in grade school our mom insisted that we learn to play an instrument. Our school had a bunch of instruments that they rented out to families, I got a violin and Sam got a clarinet. She smiled thinking about it. ‘It was so funny. Sam couldn’t stand the fact that he wasn’t good at it, he would practice and practice and practice, but he was terrible. The clarinet is a beautiful instrument, but in Sam’s hands it was an instrument of torture. I swear our ears were bleeding. I think it sent our Poppa deaf, he was never quite the same after Sam got that clarinet. ‘Sam was so upset, he became convinced that it was broken.’ She started laughing, thinking back to the young boy who’d thrown such a big tantrum. ‘He insisted that we swap instruments. It took me all of 30 minutes to figure out how to play it. He was so mad. To my knowledge he’s never touched another musical instrument since.’ Tyler’s eyes were sparkling as he laughed. ‘What else? What else is Sam bad at?’ He asked. ‘Oh, I don’t know, that’s probably it.’ Actually she knew of a lot of other things that Sam wasn’t any good at, he was terrible at ball sports, he couldn’t dance, he never understood grammar and punctuation, he had been hopeless at disciplining their dog Rosie, but he was good at all of the things that mattered. The 200 freestyle had started. She sat up tall to try and locate Sam in the marshaling area behind the blocks. ‘Lane 5,’ Tyler pointed him out. She watched as his heat was called onto the blocks and the starting gun went off. He dove into the water in a perfect arch. She wasn’t used to watching Sam race freestyle, it had been a long time since he had any free events in his program. He looked pretty good, at least he was nailing the turns this time. He was still doing that stupid thing with his head when he turned to breath on his right side, he’d look up towards the end of the pool instead of turning exclusively to the side. She guessed it was because he had been a butterflyer for so long and he was used to looking ahead. He was doing well to keep up with the field, actually he was pretty close to first place. If he’d just keep his damn head down he probably would have taken first place, she’d have to say something to him about it, it didn’t seem like his coach was doing much for him. She watched as he pulled himself out of the pool and looked around for them, his broad chest rising and falling rapidly. She put her hand up above her head and waved, he smiled and waved back as he walked towards the warm up pool. She relaxed and continued eating the bread, she was surprised by how much she’d eaten, almost a quarter of the loaf. She put it away and took out an apple and started to chow down on it. Jesus, she was really hungry. ‘What did you think?’ Tyler asked. ‘I think he can win the 400 IM at worlds this year, if he stops farting around with that coach of yours,’ she said honestly. ‘He might be good at writing workouts, you guys look fit in the water, but he’s done jack all for his technique as far as I can tell, and I think he has Sam on the wrong weights program.’ ‘What, he’s not big enough for you?’ He asked. ‘No, I think he’s too bulky. He looks like a sprinter.’ 1. Racing From Love Ch. 19-21 ‘I thought girls liked bulky guys.’ Emma leveled her eyes at him, ‘Tyler, I’d like Sam if he were a scrawny little 100 pound weakling. It’s not about me. If he wants to win I think he needs to slim down.’ ‘I don’t get it Emma, you see all of this and you have all of these ideas but you wouldn’t say anything to him before about his turn.’ Emma thought about it, the timing had seemed all wrong to say anything to Sam when those girls were around. They’d made her feel uneasy. ‘I didn’t know those girls you were talking to, it didn’t seem right to criticize him in front of them. Besides, the turn was an accident, it hasn’t exactly been the easiest couple of weeks lately, I think he’s entitled to be a bit off his game. ‘I was serious about your breaststroke by the way, you looked amazing. How did you learn to kick like that?’ She asked as she took the last bites of the apple. ‘Flattery will get you everywhere with me Emma,’ he said smiling. ‘It’s not flattery, I’m serious, I want to know so I can teach it to Sam.’ ‘Teach it to Sam?’ He looked amused. ‘Sure, he could knock a few seconds off his 400 time if he could kick like you.’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I don’t know how I learned to kick, it’s just the way I do it.’ ‘Can I watch you some time?’ ‘You want to watch me kick?’ He looked like he was verging on laughter. ‘Do I have two heads or something? Yes! I want to learn how you kick… so I can teach it to Sam… so he can win the world championships. Easy.’ This time he did laugh. ‘Sure Emma, you can watch me kick as much as you want, any time.’ ‘Okay, thanks. Probably not today though, I don’t like all of these coaches around,’ she said in a conspiratory tone. Tyler laughed again. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone quite like you,’ he said as he shook his head. She’d finished the apple and she started looking through the bag of food for something else to eat. She didn’t want more fruit, she needed something salty. Where were those nuts she’d seen before? ‘Hungry?’ It was Sam’s voice, it made her insides feel all warm. She smiled up at him, ‘Yeah, I’m starving.’ He was standing in front of her, dripping wet, smiling. He dropped a towel and his parka on the ground, knelt down in front of her and started stretching. ‘You looked pretty good out there Sam,’ she told him as she pulled the ziplock bag of almonds out and popped a few in her mouth, they were good and salty. ‘Thanks,’ he said. Sam pulled his elbow over his head, stretching his lats, exposing the muscles that interlaced his ribs. ‘What?’ He said to Tyler. Emma looked over at Tyler, he had a sly grin on his face. ‘Your girlfriend here thinks I look amazing, she just said you only look pretty good.’ Sam looked at her questioningly. She rolled her eyes. ‘I was talking about his breaststroke kick. You’re such a shit stirrer Tyler,’ she said as she threw an almond at him. She was surprised at how good it felt to be called Sam’s girlfriend. ‘But there’s more… She told me about the clarinet,’ Tyler said. Sam froze, his face turned stony. There was an ominous silence. ‘It was fucking broken, okay,’ he said. Tyler and Emma burst out laughing. His distress was only made funnier by the fact that he’d said fuck when he rarely swore. ‘Look, I don’t know what sort of black magic that little witch pulled to get it to work,’ he said pointing at Emma, ‘but it was broken when I had it.’ Emma was laughing so hard that tears were leaking out the corners of her eyes. ‘If I knew you guys were going to gang up on me I’d never have introduced you in the first place,’ he muttered, shaking his head. She could tell he wasn’t upset, his posture was relaxed. She couldn’t stop laughing. She put down the bag of nuts and scooted forward so that she was sitting in the space between Sam’s outstretched legs. She put her arms around his waist and leaned forward to rest her head on his damp chest, she was still shaking from laughter. ‘Come on Sammy, there’s no need to call me names. We don’t care that you can’t play the clarinet.’ She felt good. The anxiety seemed to have disappeared since she had told her mother that she was going to get back together with Sam, and the blackness of her mood had lifted. She didn’t feel so heavy right now, she felt like herself again. Beside them, she heard Tyler get up and walk away. Sam’s hands were resting in the small of her back. The swim meet hummed around them. ‘I feel good Sam,’ she told him. ‘Good,’ he said. She could feel his chest vibrate when he talked. ‘I feel good too.’ She could hear his heart beating. ‘You’re so beautiful Emma,’ he murmured. She sat back at looked at him, he was gazing at her. ‘Even compared to all these girls in swimsuits?’ She asked. ‘Especially compared to all these girls in swimsuits.’ ‘You’re not going to be saying that in eight months time when I’m as big as a house,’ she teased. ‘Oh, I think you’re mistaken. That is my child you have in your belly, I don’t think there could be a more beautiful sight than the woman I love carrying my child.’ ‘Hmmm,’ she sighed contentedly. She wanted dearly to curl up in his lap, for him to wrap his arms around her, to be closer to him. But she knew she shouldn’t, it wasn’t appropriate, she knew that Sam’s coach was around here and she didn’t want to attract attention. ‘I think it is amazing. You know on thanksgiving, the day that the baby was made, I ran 20 miles? You’d think that it would all have jiggled out of me.’ Sam’s lips curled into a grin. ‘Strong swimmers.’ She smiled, ‘Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree huh… Speaking of swimming, there are a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about…’ She told him about her ideas, how she thought he could gain time on his breaststroke if he could kick more like Tyler, how he needed to keep his head down in the freestyle. He was receptive, he took everything she said seriously, it made her feel important. After the relays he walked her out to her car, he held her hand as they walked. ‘Thanks for coming down Em, it was a good surprise,’ he said. ‘I’m glad I did, it was good to see you.’ They had made it to her car. He leaned his butt against it and pulled her in to him with both arms so that she was nestled between his legs. ‘Five more days and then I’ll be able to see you again’, he said nuzzling into her neck. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the feeling of him. He was kissing her neck and his hands had found their way under her clothes to the bare skin of the small of her back. She let her hands run up his neck and through his thick bristly hair. How could she have even considered the possibility of letting him go? Now that she was here with him she couldn’t understand why the choice had been so difficult for her. Sam was everything that she wanted, everything that she needed, he was the part of her body that was missing. ‘Sam, are you going to be able to forgive me?’ She asked. He pulled back and looked at her. ‘What do you mean?’ She frowned, she felt like such a dunce. ‘It took me so much longer to realize that you’re what I want. You told me from the start that I was the most important person to you, but I didn’t choose you right away… I’m sorry Sam.’ He moved one of his hands out from under her clothes and touched her on the cheek, his thumb moving along her cheekbone. ‘I was hurt, but you chose me in the end Em, that’s what matters,’ he said. He leaned in and kissed her, his hand resting where her jaw met her neck. His lips moved over hers, taking control of her, his tongue was commanding and familiar when it stroked against hers. He tasted like bananas. He pulled away too soon, leaving her wanting more. ‘I’ve got to go Em,’ he said. She sighed, she wanted more of him but she knew she’d have to wait. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE It was actually good that Emma had a few days to herself, she wanted to get an HIV test done. She was 99% sure that she didn’t have it, but she wanted to be able to tell Sam with absolute certainty that he didn’t have to worry when he told him about her biological mother. When she was a sophomore she’d taken a classes in public health in which they’d discussed HIV and AIDS in detail. She knew that an infant born to a mother with HIV through cesarean section had a low probability of contracting the disease. She also knew that an infant that contracted HIV through birth had only 9 to 11 years before it would develop into AIDS if left untreated, and life expectancy of only about 12 or 13 years. She knew that she had never been treated because the antiretroviral drug cocktails that had proven to be effective in preventing the HIV virus from developing into full blown AIDS were daily medicines that had to be taken for the rest of the patient’s life, and she’d never been on any long term medications. It just didn’t add up, there was no way that she could have gotten HIV from her mother and still be alive today. Still, it couldn’t hurt to be tested. She went to the free testing clinic on the South side of campus on Monday after running training. They took her blood and told her to call back in two days. Even though she was almost sure that she would be negative, and she had a bunch of final exams to distract her, it was still an agonizingly long two days. When she called for the results on Wednesday there were no surprises. She didn’t have the disease. Despite this she was still nervous as she waited for Sam to arrive on Thursday afternoon. The story about her biological mother certainly helped to explain her mental health issues, Nanna had said that Emma’s mother had been having a psychotic episode when dad had found her. Her biological mother probably had a mental illness, but it sounded like it was more serious than what Emma had experienced to date. So far Emma had only experienced anxiety and depression, which were awful and debilitating, but in her mind not as bad as schizophrenia where your brain could be completely hijacked. What if she was only going to get worse and develop more problems as she got older? Would Sam really want to attach himself to her if there was that possibility? She didn’t know, but she had to give him the choice. She had spoken to him a couple of hours ago and he’d told her that he was on the road, he should show up any minute now. Emma was sitting in her living room trying to concentrate on reviewing her notes from her class on cognitive behavioral therapy, she had the exam for the class next morning, it was her last one for the semester. Finally there was a knock at the door. ‘It’s open,’ she called out as she moved her notebook and textbook off her lap and onto the coffee table. Sam walked in the door, he was smiling. It was raining outside, the shoulders of his hooded sweatshirt had dark wet spots on them and his head was wet. She had butterflies in her stomach as he moved towards her. ‘How did your exam go?’ She asked as she helped close the space between them. ‘Fine. No problems,’ he responded casually as he reached for her. They embraced in the middle of the floor, she felt the dampness of his shoulder against her cheek. He leant down to kiss her, she let their lips met but didn’t linger, pulling away from him before she could get swept away in him. ‘Come, sit down, there are some things I have to tell you.’ She felt nervous as she led him to the couch. Once they were settled on the couch she looked at him, he was waiting patiently, expectantly. ‘What is it Em? What’s bothering you?’ He asked. She took a deep breath and let it out. ‘First, the most important thing for you to know is that I don’t have HIV. I got tested and I am negative.’ He looked shocked, his eyes went wide and his body recoiled from her. ‘Why would you be worried about that? I thought I was the only man you’d been with?’ She reached for his hands to reassure him. ‘You are Sam, it has to do with my mother, my birth mother. Nanna told me some things that you should know too…’ She told him the whole story, with all of the unpleasant details. She could tell that he was listening to her closely. His eyes were full of sadness, there were tears in them when she talked of how she’d been taken away to another foster family. By the end he had her in his arms, cradling her against him. ‘I told mom that I want to be with you and she got upset. She told me that she thought it was disgusting. Nanna says she may never forgive us, like mom’s parents never forgave mom for keeping me.’ ‘Mmm,’ his lips were against her forehead. ‘I think she will, she just needs time. We’ll just keep our hands to ourselves when we see her, let it settle in slowly.’ ‘So you still want to be with me then? Even knowing all of that about my mother?’ She asked. He pushed her away gently so that she had to look at him. ‘Of course I still want to be with you, why would any of this make any difference to the way I feel about you?’ ‘She was probably schizophrenic Sam, that means that I probably have a bad gene and I might get it too, I’ve already had depression and anxiety, it’s not that far of a stretch to imagine that I might go schizo. Our baby might have it too…’ she trailed off, feeling desperate. ‘Emma,’ he said with authority, ‘there is no reason to suspect that your mother was not simply high on acid or coke. Settle down okay, you’re not schizophrenic, and even if you were we could deal with it. We’ll deal with anything that comes our way, okay?’ His eyes were leveled on her, commanding her cooperation, but she wouldn’t give it to him, not until she was sure he knew what he was getting himself into. ‘Sam, we have no idea who I am or where I came from… my mother was probably raped. I’m probably the daughter of a rapist.’ She could feel the tears prickle her eyes. He grabbed her by the shoulders with both hands. His voice was firm, ‘Stop it. I don’t care about your parents, I care about you.’ She bowed her head as the tears rolled down her cheeks. Sam loosened his grip on her and brought one hand under her chin, tilting her head up so that she would look at him. His voice was soft, gentle, ‘Emma, baby look at me.’ She complied, the intensity in his eyes stunning her. ‘I know exactly who you are, you are the woman who I love, you are my best friend, you are my sister, you are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.’ She knew it was true. She leaned in and kissed him. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve this amazing man. She kissed him deeply, while she moved her body around so that she was straddling his lap. She placed her hands on either side of his face, the stubble on his chin prickling her palms just slightly. Pulling back she looked into his eyes. ‘I love you Sam,’ she whispered to him. His hands were on her back, underneath her clothes, they stroked up and down her spine sending little shivers across her skin as she kissed him again, slipping her tongue into his mouth then biting gently on his lower lip. She pulled off her sweater revealing the tiny white lace bra that she’d bought for just this occasion. Her breasts were swollen and sore, her dark flesh bulged over the top of the white lace of the bra when she breathed in. ‘Oh baby, they’ve grown,’ Sam breathed as he ogled her engorged breasts. He brought both hands up to them and cupped them in his palms, his touch somehow a huge relief to the pain that had settled over them in the past weeks. ‘Be careful with them Sammy, they’re very tender,’ she warned. He squeezed them gently and she let out a sigh, the pleasure and pain in his grasp shooting through her body. Sam fumbled with the clasp and finally released her breasts, they felt hefty and round as they settled without the support of the bra. Even though they were swollen they still weren’t that big, she still fit into a B-cup, albeit a little snugly, but they felt enormous to her unaccustomed frame. Enormous and very, very sensitive. Sam moaned as he lowered his head to kiss them. Emma ran her fingers through his short spiky hair and sighed as he kissed the tender flesh, his lips torturing her in their gentleness, in their hesitancy to find her nipple. God she loved it when he did this to her. Her pussy started to ache with want, her hips rocking instinctually in his lap. She was wearing a pair of thin yoga style pants, through which she could feel the large lump in the front of his jeans. Sam was still kissing her breasts, he circled his tongue around the dark areola of her left breast and slipped the nipple in his mouth, suckling ever so gently on her. Her breathing was deep, he was driving her crazy. ‘Harder Sammy,’ she urged him passionately. He looked up into her eyes without removing his mouth from her breast, his eyes heavily lidded with lust. He sucked harder and she cried out in pleasure, her hips grinding her pussy against the bulge in his pants. He brought his hands back up to her breasts as he switched to her right breast. His touch was firm but gentle, she could feel her orgasm building and she needed more. She was panting and moaning. ‘More Sam… suck me harder baby…’ ‘Ohhh,’ she cried as he complied, sucking hard on her nipple, sending waves of sensation down her nerves, colliding with and amplifying the warmth in her pussy as her orgasm blossomed. She threw her head back and arched her back, pushing her breasts further into his face as the waves of pleasure wracked through her body. Sam’s head was still buried between her breasts as she recovered from her orgasm, he seemed unwilling to give them up. She leaned down and kissed him on his fair hair. He grinned up at her, ‘These are an interesting development.’ She smiled, ‘Mmm, they really needed that, they’ve been so sore.’ ‘They’re growing so you can feed our baby,’ he said with reverence. Our baby. Emma couldn’t remember being more delighted by two words. Her life had changed so much in just a few short weeks, and it was going to change more in the coming months. By this time next year they would have a child. The thought frightened her almost as much as it excited her. She would have her own family. So long as she had Sam she knew she could do it. Sam was moving, in a display of strength he wrapped his arms around her and stood up, lifting her easily. She squeezed her legs around his torso crossing her ankles behind him, and held onto his shoulders as he carried her. He stooped to pick her sweater and bra up off the floor before taking her into the bedroom where he deposited them in the laundry hamper. She smiled, it was such a Sam move, he couldn’t stand mess. He laid her down on the bed and crawled on top of her, nudging her legs open and kneeling between them. She looked up at him, his eyes were scanning over her half naked body, drinking her in. Outside the rain hammered on the pavement. His hands were on her belly, stroking the area between her navel and the top of her pants. He leaned down and rested his head there, as if he was listening for something. He was still. Emma sensed that he needed a moment, so she laid her head back and closed her eyes, waiting for him to make the next move. They lay there like that for several minutes, after a while she thought she heard him whisper. She strained her ears over the din of the rain and caught a snippet of his soft voice. ‘Sam?’ She felt like she needed to whisper too. He lifted his head from her belly quickly. ‘Were you whispering?’ She asked, still keeping her voice low. He looked so shy, his cheeks flushed red as he met her gaze. ‘I was talking to the baby,’ he admitted. ‘You don’t want me to hear?’ She asked. ‘I thought you might think it was stupid. The baby doesn’t have ears yet, it can’t hear me.’ 1. Racing From Love Ch. 19-21 She smiled, he was so logical. ‘It’s okay Sam, it’s not stupid, I pray at night for the baby to be safe and I don’t even believe in god.’ He smiled back at her shyly. ‘I want it to know who I am, to recognize my voice so that it wont be afraid when I finally get to hold it.’ God, he was so adorable. He was looking at her so earnestly, his love for their child obvious in his face, his voice, his actions. ‘Come here Sam,’ she held her arms out to him, she needed to make love to him. Before he could settle into her arms she turned him over so that she was straddling him. She stripped his clothes off and kissed him all over his body. Knowing that she had all the time in the world with him she slowed down so she could appreciate him fully. When she reached his penis she took her time. She loved the feeling of it in her mouth. His skin was so soft and smooth over her tongue and his solid length filled her mouth and throat with warmth. She played with him for a long time, varying her pace and pressure to bring him close to the edge only to back off and resume a less urgent rhythm. She was getting herself so wet sucking on his cock, she could feel her pussy juices leaking down the insides of her thighs. She would have to change the sheets after this. Her pussy was throbbing in anticipation of being filled by him, being stretched out to accommodate his wide girth. But she didn’t want to stop sucking on him, she relished the feeling of him invading her throat, forcing his cock into places it wasn’t designed to fill. The moans of appreciation he was giving her were music to her ears. She loved pleasuring him like this, knowing that she was the only one allowed this kind of access to him. Nobody else got to touch Sam’s cock, nobody else got to see, feel or taste him cum. This was her privilege alone. God she wanted him to cum in her mouth, to feel him pulsing between her lips and taste his precious seed over her tongue, but her own desire was becoming more urgent, impossible to ignore. Finally she couldn’t bear it any longer, she had to have him inside her. She wanted it to last forever, but as soon as she had lowered herself around him she knew that it was going to be quick. He was stretching her so wide and impaling her so deep it was almost painful, it felt like her first time again. ‘Don’t cum inside me okay? I want you to cum in my mouth.’ Sam groaned as he nodded his agreement. She started rocking and rolling her hips, grinding against him, causing his cock to squeeze in and out of her hungry pussy. Her heavy breasts swayed with the movement and Sam reached up to fondle and squeeze them, working her into a state of heightened bliss. Sam looked like he was having trouble keeping control, his brow was furrowed and his mouth agape as he watched her make love to him. His hands came to her hips and lifted her off him. She whined in protest, her pussy suddenly vacant. Sam pushed her to the side and rolled on top of her, trapping her below him. ‘I won’t last that way Em,’ he explained as he returned his cock to her slippery vagina and pushed it back inside. She moaned in appreciation as he filled her, each inch of him warming her and exciting her. He paused for a moment, the head of his cock pressing against the end of her pussy, his big body confining her, his lips kissing along her jaw line. Sam started pumping her pussy in long smooth strokes. His face was close to hers, so close that she couldn’t focus her eyes. His breath was warm against her ear as he told her, ‘You are my world Emma.’ He sat back on his knees and lifted her legs up so that her heels were resting on his shoulders and quickened his pace, his hands grasping her hips firmly. Oh god, he was getting her so deep she wasn’t going to be able to hang on for much longer. Emma reached for Sam but he was too far away, the only part of him that she could touch were his hands and thighs. She grabbed and clawed at them, wanting to be closer to him. She was breathing heavily, the contractions in her vagina clamping down around Sam’s cock, getting closer and closer together, each one sending ripples of pleasure through her body. ‘Ohhh Sam,’ she cried out as powerful spasms coursed through her pussy, delivering the pleasure outwards into her body, through her flesh and over her skin. She took just one deep breath and used her feet to push herself back off him. She grasped him by the hips and pulled on him, encouraging him to sit upright on his knees, he submitted. She leaned down and replaced her pussy with her mouth around his cock, tasting her own salty sweet juices all over him. She took him in deep and fast, his hands were in her hair while hers grasped his hips for leverage. It took only a few strokes before Sam was coming, squirting her reward into her mouth as he cried out and took control of her head, forcing her back and forth over his hard length. She didn’t resist him, letting his semen pool in her mouth until he was spent, then swallowing it all in one gulp. His hands were limp on her head. She released him and licked and kissed him until he was clean and softening. She pushed gently on his shoulders and he collapsed backwards onto the bed. She crawled up to his chest and curled up on top of him, her head resting over his heart. Listening to his heart beat had quickly become one of her favorite past times, it was so reassuring to hear its steady thudding. His arms folded around her, surrounding her with his smell, his strength, his love. Emma sighed contentedly, she was so happy. Life had taken an unexpected turn, but she was certain that everything was going to be okay. She had Sam, and they were going to have a family together. In the end that was all that mattered. She wouldn’t get to run at nationals and maybe she wouldn’t go to law school right away, they’d have to dodge the law and maybe her mom would be mad at her for a while, perhaps forever, but it was all peripheral to Sam. She kissed him on his chest and he squeezed her gently. ‘I love you Emma,’ he murmured. ‘I love you too Sam,’ she whispered. ‘I love you too.’