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Used Ch. 01

By: nerd4music



"No panties."

She had read the text message more than fifty times, and each time it sent the same thrilling shiver down her spine. He was so demanding, so controlling, and such a total asshole. 

But then again, so was she. 

As she finished typing the last paragraph for her Abnormal Psych paper, her brown eyes drifted back to her cell phone, which was lying on her bed. The flashing lights on the slim black model informed her she had a text. 

She rose from her computer chair, sliding silently across the wooden floor in socked feet as she picked up the phone. Flipping it open, she smirked at the message. 

"15 minutes—that pussy is mine."

Her fingers flew over the keypad, anxious to type her reply: "Hard for me?"

After pressing send, she waited for what seemed like a nanosecond before a reply came buzzing back.

"Always."

She smirked again and allowed her thoughts to replay the first time she met him. 

********************

Two weeks before...

The party was being hosted by one of the college's random fraternities. It was one of their usual 'Get Dressed, Get Shitfaced, Get Fucked' ordeals. 

Jamie Kincaid was not impressed. She managed to stifle a yawn before turning back to the gaggle of girls facing her. Her roommate Nora sipped from the standard red plastic party cups and gave her a sympathetic smile. 

Neither of them wanted to be here. Nora's sorority was the sister to the frat, so attendance was mandatory. She dragged Jamie along only because she wanted someone else sane to be there. 

Jamie didn't know why Nora was even in that skank sorority. When she asked her about it, Nora had shrugged nonchalantly and mentioned something about being a legacy. 

Her mother was an Alpha Theta Chi and her grandmother as well. Nora never showed much interest in it and only seemed to pledge to please her family. 

"Jamie, are you even listening?" A high-pitched voice cut through her thought process. 

"Huh?" Jamie snapped to attention and drew her gaze towards the offending vocals. A scrawny brunette with an unfortunately large nose wearing too much makeup stared at her. 

The girl scoffed. "Whatever. I'm thirsty. Nora, get me another beer." She shoved her cup rudely into Nora's face. 

Nora barely even looked at the girl before responding. "Go get it yourself," she said curtly. 

Once again, the girl made a noise that sounded like a cross between a sneeze and a snort. With a flip of her hair, she stalked off, her minions following behind. 

Jamie looked on, shaking her head. "Why the fuck do you hang out with these bottom bitches?"

Nora smiled. "No fucking clue." She shook out her wavy blonde hair. "What do you say we make a couple of laps around, get fucking lifted, and then bounce out of here? I think there's an extra large pepperoni pizza from The 'Zone with your name on it tonight." Her amber eyes sparkled with amusement.

Jamie laughed. "Sounds like a plan." She downed the rest of the pink liquid in her cup. "Rock and roll."

They made their way through the crowded house into the kitchen. The newly remodeled digs of Alpha Theta Omega were the premier spot to be on a Friday night. Or Saturday. Or Sunday. Or practically any other day of the week. 

The modern kitchen was large and masculine, all dark cherry wood cabinetry and black marble countertops. Black and chrome appliances glittered magnificently. 

Jamie whistled. These frat guys lived like fucking royalty. Money must be no object for Mommy and Daddy when it came to pleasing their little princes. 

Nora walked to the double door fridge and peered inside. "Oh shit," she called. Jamie smiled when she saw what Nora had found. In her hand was a large handle of Cuervo Black tequila. "Time to get fucked up, girl."

"And how," Jamie replied. "You know how I get on tequila."

"We'll just make sure some fine Alpha man takes good care of you tonight." She walked over to the countertop and snagged two shot glasses. Pouring the tequila to the brim of both glasses, she handed one to Jamie. 

"Cheers, roomie." They clinked glasses and downed the tequila. Jamie nearly moaned from the smooth taste. Nora knew her track record with the T. She smiled as Nora poured them another round. 

It was going to be a good night.

*****************

Nate Harlow was having a horrible time. This was his house, he was president of ATO, and yet, here he was, stuck in a corner with the most boring girl this side of campus. 

He eyed her as she continued her incessant prattling, something about a pink Mercedes, not that he gave a shit. She was pretty hot, although it looked like she spent too much time in the tanning bed. Her skin was way too dark for early spring. 

Her bright red hair was obviously dyed and her blue eyes held a vacant expression even when she was excited. Although how he could tell she was excited, he'd never know. 

Her voice was a squeaky high-pitched tempo that most girls seemed to use, thinking guys found it attractive. Nate couldn't escape the feeling that he was talking to an overly-inflated orange chipmunk. 

Her breasts were large and round, a bit too round to be God-given. Yeah, she was pretty alright. Pretty damn boring. As she spoke, he tried hard to remember her name. Missy, Rissa, something retarded like that. 

"Are you even listening to me Nate?" He looked up to see a hint of irritation in her face. 

No I am not, you stupid bitch. "Of course, Missy."

"It's Macy."

"Whatever. Excuse me." Nate picked up his drink from the coffee table and made his way into the main party room. God, girls these days. He walked over to the keg in the corner of the room, where one of his brothers was preparing to do a keg stand. 

"Hey Matt," he said.

"Dude, are you trying to get in on this?"

Nate shook his head. "Nah, I'm trying to keep the head clear tonight."

Matt grinned. "On the prowl?"

"Always, man. You know how I do."

Matt nodded, his grey eyes sparkling. "Yeah, ever since Christa, you've been turning these girls out."

Nate grimaced at the thought of Christa. Stupid fucking whore. "Yeah, what can I say, I'm the fucking man."

"Yeah, yeah I know. Dude, watch out. I hear Christa's planning on showing up with that asshole from Phi Chi."

Nate nodded. He knew exactly who Matt was referring to. Ben Tremor, the guy Christa was now seeing. After she dumped his ass like yesterday's trash. Well, she was the real trash. Nate was going to make sure she remembered that bit of information. 

"I'm out man," he said. "I'm going to see what I can get into. Or who." He winked dramatically.

Matt slapped him on the back. "I hear you man. Wrap it before you tap it, bro!" he called after him. 

Nate laughed. The guy was a total idiot, but he was a good friend. Walking back into the crowd, he was almost amazed at how many people showed up. There were bodies everywhere, and in the living room where the music pulsed loudly, a large group of them were dancing. 

He leaned against the wall and watched the people move. His eyes continued to roam the crowd until he spotted a familiar flash of auburn hair. No, it can't be. Looking closer, he felt his face contort into a look of anger. 

Christa, dancing with her new asshole. He had to admit, she still looked good. Long auburn hair that he used to love to run his fingers through while she writhed underneath him. Green eyes with flecks of amber in them. 

She was catlike in her movements and snake-like in behavior. Her body swayed drunkenly with the rhythm of the song. She was grinding her body into her latest victim. 

At one point, she looked up at him. Smiling wickedly, she pulled the new asshole closer and proceeded to spit shine his tonsils with her tongue. 

Nate fumed. He supposed he shouldn't have been so angry; it wasn't like he was planning on marrying the girl. In fact, when they were hooking up he was already feeling himself becoming bored. It was just the way she did it, so cruel, so vicious. 

Well, two could play at that game. 

He walked into the midst of the dancing people. Making sure Christa was in full view he began to move in time to the upbeat tune. He stole a few glances at Christa, who was pretending not to notice him. 

The song changed to an up tempo song with a slow, sexy backbeat, the singer's voice slow and seductive, his sensual words about taking a girl to bed put everyone in good mood.

Christa immediately began to move against her new boytoy, throwing Nate a triumphant grin. 

Blindly, he reached out and pulled the closest body to him. She was a few good inches shorter than his tall build. 

"Move against me," he commanded softly. She did as he instructed, her body swaying seductively. Nate was surprised when he felt his body respond. This girl was good. 

He finally took a good look at her. 

She was smoking. She was wearing a black halter top and short khaki shorts. Her skin was a rich maple color. Her legs were long, her feet encased in black pumps that added height to her frame. Her black hair was cut into a chin length bob with long side swept bangs. 

He couldn't remember if he'd ever seen her at another party. Before he could ask, she slid down his body slowly, her tongue reaching out to lick the crotch of his jeans. Nate was taken aback. 

The girl smiled as she slowly rose to her feet. Turning around, she bent over, grinding her ass into his rapidly inflating erection. Nate groaned and pulled her close to him. 

"Are you drunk," he asked as their bodies moved in synch. 

She stared at him. "Does it matter," she replied. Her voice was husky and smooth, sex oozing from every syllable. 

Nate grinned. "Nope." He leaned to capture her lips in a kiss as his hands moved down into her shorts. 

*****************

Jamie knew tequila would be her downfall. After downing two more shots, she was on top of the world. She and Nora headed out to the dance floor. 

Nora snuggled up to a hot ATO brother, Jamie danced alone. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched a guy leaning against a wall stare angrily at another couple dancing. 

The girl was drunk and trying way too hard to be sexy but Jamie could see she was trying to make Wall Guy jealous. 

She scoffed. Wall Guy was too fine to be concerned about that skank. He was tall, the broad muscles of his upper body emphasized by the simple navy blue t-shirt he wore. 

Jamie grinned approvingly as she saw his jeans, faded denim with random holes; they were tight, but not too tight, just perfect. 

She couldn't see the color of his eyes from far back, but there was this intense scowl on his handsome face as he studied the girl. 

His hair was dirty blond and shorn. Jamie smiled; she was a sucker for a hot boy with a shaved head. 

As the guy made his way through the dancing people, Jamie inched her way closer to him. He started dancing, and Jamie was surprised; he was pretty good. 

When the song changed to grinding number, she made sure she was near him. It caught her off guard when he grabbed her waist and pulled her close. He was solid and she could feel the muscles underneath his shirt. 

When he spoke, it sent a shiver to her toes. His voice was commanding; the gravelly tone made even sexier with the Southern twang. 

Her body moved instinctively, sliding down his with precision. If there was any ounce of shyness, the tequila definitely sent it packing. 

Without thinking, she stuck her tongue out and lightly grazed his crotch. It definitely caught him off guard and she smiled at his surprise. 

Within seconds, she was in his arms with his tongue wrestling with hers and his hand down her shorts. Jamie turned so that she was facing him. Grabbing his face, she pulled him closer, her lips crushing against his. 

He tasted like beer and a hint of peppermint. Opening one eye, she looked over at Wall Guy's skank who was now gaping openly at them. 

His hands kneaded her ass cheeks, cupping them in his hands. 

"Jesus, you're hot" he whispered. 

She grinned. That accent was intoxicating. "I think your plan worked."

"Huh?" Nate didn't even know what she was talking about. 

"That girl you were shooting daggers at earlier. I'd say the shoe was on the other fucking foot right now."

Nate looked over at Christa, who was looking murderous. Two tell-tale red splotches on her cheeks gave him all the reassurance he needed. 

"Why don't we go in for the kill, darlin'?" 

He lifted her leg around his waist and ground his hips. When his erection brushed against her soaking sex, she gasped. She kissed him hard, ignoring the looks from the watchers. 

Nate groaned. Her lips were silky smooth and plump. He sucked on her bottom lip and felt her grind harder against him. She kissed his neck, her breath making his skin sizzle.

Nipping his earlobe, she whispered "Let's move this somewhere private. You don't want to fuck me on the dance floor, do you?"

Taking her hand, he winked at Christa's fuming face as he brushed by her. 

Nate led her upstairs, the pulsing rhythm of the music pounding under their footsteps. He was about to lead her into his bedroom, when she tugged him into the one of the hallway bathrooms. 

"What's the deal, darlin'" he drawled. "I've got a perfectly nice room two doors down."

Jamie hopped on the black marble countertop. Even the bathrooms were nice as hell. A wide circular shower sat in the corner with a state-of-the-art showerhead. Black marble tile lined the floor with solid cherry wood cabinetry. 

She shrugged, gripping the front of his t-shirt and pulling him closer. "Figured it'd be a helluva lot more exciting this way," she said. 

Nate could feel his cock straining to break free from its jean-covered stronghold. Reaching down, he kissed the nape of her neck. "What's your name?" he asked. 

"Does it matter?"

He chuckled. "Well, my name's Nate. But I've got a feeling you'll be calling me god later. It's okay; I'll answer to that too."

Jamie smirked at his cockiness and reached around to lift up his t-shirt. His chest was gorgeous. It definitely looked like he hit the student gym. His torso was all sculpted planes and defined abs. He wasn't a meathead, but he wasn't a shrimp either. 

Nate was impressed. She was geared up to go, no game necessary. His hand slid down into her shorts and stroked her soaking slit. Jamie moaned at the contact. "Is that for me, sweetheart?" he growled. He cupped her mound, giving it a slight squeeze that made her hips buck. 

"Oh shit," she moaned. Her fingers went to the back of her neck and untied the strings of the black halter to reveal the strapless black bra underneath. Her heaving cleavage was straining to break free as Nate moved his hands to the back to unhook the bra. 

He groaned as her breasts bounced free. Cupping a brown globe in his hands, he rubbed his callused thumb across the nipples; the stiff mocha peaks hardening into tighter buds. He grinned at the way her body trembled in his arms. "You like that, baby?"

"Mm," was all she said. Jamie arched her back, inviting him to lick at the dark bud. Nate ran his tongue over her nipples while his hand delved deeper into her pants, exploring the damp sweetness of her inner secret. 

Jamie wasn't sure it was the tequila or just the fact that a ridiculously gorgeous guy was playing her body exactly the way she liked it, but she felt herself hitting her peak earlier than usual. 

She moaned loudly, her hands braced on his shoulders, her body gasping for air as she tried fruitlessly to hold back and maintain control. 

When she came, her whole body trembled as she let out a low wail. "Oh god," she moaned as she tried to calm her rapidly beating heart. 

Nate grinned as he removed his fingers. "You're welcome, but Nate's just fine sweetheart." He yanked down her shorts and black panties. "Now be a good girl and turn that ass around for me." 

Jamie did as he requested. Bracing her hands against the mirror, she arched her back and her ass for him. Kneeling down, Nate kissed her legs, his hands running up and down to stroke her ass and the soft skin of her inner thighs. 

He gave her bare pussy one long and slow lick before standing up. He reached into pocket and opened the tiny foil packet, sheathing himself with the condom. 

"You ready for this, baby?" he cooed, his hardness rubbing against her opening, the sparks sending jolts of pleasure to her clit. 

Jamie moaned, grinding her ass against his cock. 

"Yes. Please fuck me."

Nate obliged, plunging into her dark folds with so much force it nearly knocked them both off-centre. He glanced into the mirror at the sight before him: she was bent over, working her ass on his cock as her heavy breasts swayed sexily. 

Jamie was in heaven. Somewhere in the back of her mind her voice of reason was screaming for her to see sense; that she was in the bathroom of an asshole frat letting some random guy bring her to another starry-eyed orgasm. 

She looked up at her reflection, the sight of the gorgeous well-muscled man behind her, his large member making her feel as if she was spinning. 

His face was a contorted mix of pleasure and concentration. 

Jamie grinned back at him. "That's all you got, Nate? Take me to heaven."

Nate smiled at the chocolate beauty before him. Her pussy was an absolute dream. He was transfixed by the way her cocoa core gripped his pale hardness. 

He moaned when she flexed her muscles and her walls tightened around him. 

He took himself completely out of her, waiting a good ten seconds, before ramming his cock back into her slit. "With pleasure, sweetheart."

His wolfish grin spread as she moaned loudly and rose completely off the counter. He brought her closer to him, kissing her neck as his hand snaked down to strum her clit. 

Jamie was on sensory overload. She moaned his name loudly and often and was sure anyone walking by could hear them over the noise of the party. 

Nate could feel the familiar buildup. "I'm going to cum, baby" he whispered in her ear. "Are you going to cum with me?" He lightly pinched her clit. 

Jamie bucked her hips. "Oh shit," she moaned. "Yes, I'm going to..." 

Her words were cut off as she felt the explosion. Nate brought his lips to hers as his cock showed her pussy no mercy, plundering her core over and over again as his hand mauled her button furiously. Jamie felt another wave hit her as her body continued to shudder. 

"Oh god," she trembled. "What the hell are you doing to me?"

Nate growled as he spent himself in the condom. Pushing her forward, he continued to stroke slowly in and out while kissing her neck. 

"Wow," Jamie breathed. Her body was still jolting as he slid out of her. Her skin was sensitive as he reached down to pull her shorts and panties back up and over her hips. 

"Very good girl," Nate said, tucking himself back into his pants. 

Jamie turned around, buttoning her pants and slipping on her bra and halter top. Nate watched as she dressed and felt himself slowly swelling. 

Pulling her to him, he kissed her. "You're fucking gorgeous," he drawled. He ground himself into her once more. 

Nate wondered where that came from. Normally after banging a girl out, he was ready to kick her out. Yet with this girl, he was raring to go another round. 

"Down boy," she said, cupping his mild erection. "Let's save it for another day."

Nate smiled. "Whatever you say darlin'. I definitely wouldn't mind having you again. Why don't you give me your number?"

Jamie laughed as she opened the bathroom door. "You're a smart boy, Nate. I'm sure you'll find a way to get that." She walked out into the hallway. Turning around, she flashed him a sexy grin. 

"The name is Jamie, by the way." 

Used Ch. 02



Her fingers clutched the steering wheel. She had been happy after leaving the man that introduced her to her submissive role but now felt somewhat unsatisfied. In her fantasies she had definitely imagined being used and forced to submit to a Master's whim but had not expected to be dismissed in such a fashion. Now that the excitement of what had happened started to fade, she began to doubt. 

Once home she kicked off her shoes and stretched her toes.. It was nice to be barefoot again, free of the 4 inch heals he had her wear. "Him." She thought, "What am I going to do about him?" Her nipples began to stiffen at the mere thought of the earlier events and unaware of her own movements, she began to stroke them through her blouse. A moan brought her free of her reverie. She shook her head and decided to brush it all off and worry about it later. What she needed now was a nice hot bath to soothe her soul and free her mind. 

She filled the tub with water so hot that her body could barely stand it. Ash she slid into the tub, her breath caught at first but let out into a deep primal groan at the sheer pleasure of the water enveloping her body. Her eyes closed as her body sank further down until the water was at her chin, and her breasts floated freely beneath the surface. Again she began to think back. She could feel his body crushing her beneath it's weight, his cock forcing it's way into her body over and over. Her hands began to explore, first over her nipples then down between her legs, parting her lips and stroking her clit. She was so hot. The thought of him slapping her pussy, taking her so brutally, was more then she could bear and the overwhelming desire to cum struck her again. 

Her fingers worked in a frenzied pace, sliding over her clit, her lips, down further to push inside her aching body. Her other hand worked on the hard peaks of her nipples, pinching and squeezing, even twisting them to bring the slightest sting of pain. Guttural moans of pleasure flowed from her lips and she squeezed her nipples harder. She fucked her fingers into herself forcefully, her body demanding more and more. Soon her back was arching, splashing water onto the floor as she came in a flood of ecstasy. 

"Mmmmm." Her body relaxed, laying limp and heavy in the tub. 

The phone rang, a shrill, unwanted interruption on the aftermath of her pleasure. Silently cursing, she reached for the towel, drying a hand and picking up the cordless that lay on the fluffy toilet seat next to the tub. 

"Hello?" Her voice was a bit huskier then she wanted it to be and she cleared her throat. 

"I see you arrived home safely." It was him! Her body flushed with warmth at the sound of his voice. 

"Y..yes.." I sound like an idiot, she thought. "I'm glad you called actually, I wanted to speak with you."

"Oh?" His voice was dark and demanding as it always was. 

"Yes, I...I don't think I can see you anymore." The statement was rushed out before she could hold it back.

"I see, " he said. 

"It's just that I don't think I can be what you need. I enjoyed this afternoon but I really don't think I can... be that... for you." Her heart was racing now. 

"I see." He said it again, this time it had such an effect on her that she sucked in a breath and let it hiss out between clenched teeth. "Are you wet, slut?" She could have kicked herself when a moan escaped. "Answer me," he demanded. 

"Yes," she moaned again. His voice was like liquid honey running through her and pooling between her legs. 

"You are in the bath." It was a statement, not a question. He must have heard the water lapping against the side of the tub.

"Yes, " she stuttered.

"Yes what?" he demanded.

"Yes Master." .

"That's better. Drain the tub."

"Yes Master." Mindlessly she followed his instructions. It was as if she had no will of her own. 

He didn't speak for a while, seemingly waiting for the tub to fully drain. Once it had, she just lay there. The lack of water made the luxury of the tub more of a discomfort. 

"Stay in the tub." It was like he could read her mind. 

"Yes Master." She said. 

"You were fucking yourself in the tub before I called, weren't you slut?" Again the words seemed more like a statement then a question.

"Yes Master." 

"Slap your pussy," he barked. She brought her hand down on her lips, the sound echoing off the walls in the small bathroom. "Harder!" Again she brought her hand down, the sting bringing a whimper of pain."Do not stop until I instruct you to."

Her hand came down on her tender lips over and over, causing her to arch back against the now brutal and ungiving tub. Each ridge in her back ground into the porcelain but her pussy was burning and she was blind with the lust he was inducing. It was almost more then she could handle. Each spank made her need to cum nearly painful. "Cum," he commanded suddenly. Her body shook, convulsing and writhing in blissful agony. She panted, desperately trying to catch her breath when his voice broke through her clouded mind, "Tonight, 8pm." Then here was a click, and he was gone. 

Her hand stretched out and she looked at the phone for several moments before her thumb pressed the "off" button. "Yes Master." The words were a faint whisper and a frightened vow. Now what was she going to do? 



Used Ch. 02



Jamie slipped her feet into a pair of black pumps. Grabbing the thigh-length black trench coat from her computer chair, she carefully slipped it on and belted it tightly at her waist. 

She caught a glance of herself in the mirror. She licked her glossy lips and checked her black eyeliner. She was almost ready to leave as she grabbed her keys and wallet and walked quickly out her room. 

Nora was sitting on the couch with her new boyfriend Danny, the guy she was all over at the ATO party two weeks ago. They were watching some ridiculous romantic comedy. Nora eyed her outfit. "Going over to Nate's I see."

"Yes," Jamie said, opening the fridge. She bent over to get a bottle of water and almost forgot the outfit she was wearing when she heard Nora's shocked gasp. Standing up quickly, she looked over to see Nora shielding Danny's eyes. 

"Girl, that has got to be illegal," Nora hissed. 

"What? What am I missing?" Danny asked. 

"Nothing," Nora said, removing her hand. "No more questions."

Jamie laughed. "Sorry, Nora. I forgot. Anyway, I'm out."

"I take it we shouldn't expect you back tonight?" 

"Mmm, probably not. Later girl," she replied, closing the door.

Nora snuggled closer to Danny on the couch. "I seriously hope she knows what she's getting herself into," she said. 

Danny kissed the top of her blond head. "I think Jamie's a big girl, babe."

"Yeah, but Nate's reputation..."

"You warned her, Nora. That's all you can do."

Nora sighed. "I know, Danny. I know. But I just don't think she realizes what she got herself into."

Danny scoffed. "Something tells me that chick is just as devious as Nate."

*****************

Two weeks before...

Nate spooned the frosted wheat cereal into his mouth, crunching soundly. There was nothing better than a bowl of cold cereal after a good night. 

And what a hot night it was. 

That girl Jamie was something else. She was so incredibly hot, and definitely not like most of the skanks he hooked up with. 

"Yo, glad to see you're up and at 'em." Nate turned to see Matt stagger into the kitchen. His usually handsome face was in need of a shave and he was clutching his forehead in his hand.

"Damn, kid you look haggard," Nate said as Matt plopped down in the chair across from him. "Too much keg stand?"

"You could say that." Matt cleared his throat. "I figured you'd be trying to recuperate."

"What are you talkin' about?" Nate asked innocently. 

"Are you really going to sit there and act like you don't know what I'm talking about?"

Nate grinned. "Nah. I just wanna hear you say it."

"Harlow you are so full of shit. The whole party saw you with that chick. You guys were practically fucking on the dance floor."

"Yeah, well let's just say it got even better in the bathroom."

Matt smiled, his bloodshot green eyes twinkling. "Jesus, how the hell do you do it man?"

Nate grinned. "What can I say man? The ladies love me. Must be the accent."

"Whatever, dude" Matt laughed. "Yeah, all the ladies are definitely swooning over that redneck accent."

"Redneck accent my ass. Look at that Yankee jealousy rearing its ugly head."

They laughed. "Okay, man. So did you get the digits? That chick was pretty hot."

Nate shook his head. "Nah. She told me I was a smart boy an' could figure it out."

"Smart? So, clearly this chick was delusional. Did you at least get her name? I know, it's a revolutionary concept to you, but when most guys hook up with a chick, they at least get a name."

"I'm not that big of an asshole. Her name is Jamie. I'm gonna try and figure out where she's staying."

"Well man, there's this lovely invention called Facebook. Try there."

"Are you kiddin' me?" Nate crunched the last bit of his cereal. "Facebook is for people with way too much time. Nah, I'm gonna try the old fashioned way."

Matt eyed his frat brother. "Wow, you sure are investing a lot of time into this. Are you sure you aren't pressed already?"

Nate grinned. "Hell no, I'm not pressed. But you saw her, right? Ain't no way in hell I'm passing that up."

*****************

Jamie shuffled into her living room, plopping down on the sofa next to Nora, who was munching on a bagel. 

"Morning, sunshine" Nora said cheerfully.

"Hey yourself. Why are you so damn happy?"

"Because I just got off the phone with Danny."

"Danny? Who's Danny?"

Nora stuffed the last bit of bagel into her mouth. "The guy I met last night at the ATO house. He's a brother there."

"Oh," Jamie teased. "Do we like this boy?"

"We do," Nora replied as she gathered her way blond locks into a messy bun. "We talked the entire time at the party. He even walked me home just to be safe."

"How sweet of him," Jamie said, the barest hint of sarcasm in her voice. 

"Be a bigger bitch, please" Nora joked. "He was really sweet. He came up to the apartment and we just talked the whole night. I really dig this guy."

Jamie sipped from the cup of tea Nora handed her. "Nora, I'm glad for you. But you always seem to get hung up on guys."

"As opposed to not making any attachments whatsoever. Except for the horizontal ones."

"The only ones that matter," Jamie shot back. 

Nora laughed. "I see. So, how was your night? You got back way before I did."

Jamie's mind wandered to the previous night and her bathroom session with Nate. "It was good. I hooked up with this really hot guy."

Nora sighed. "Jamie Kincaid, what am I going to do with you?"

"Love me," Jamie said, a large grin on her face. 

"I do," Nora replied, pinching her friend's cheek. "So, who's the guy? Do I know him?"

"We didn't get into particulars. I did get his name. It's Nate."

"Wait, did you just say Nate?"

"Yeah. Do you know him?"

"Tall guy, blonde hair, eyes like molten sex?"

Jamie nodded. "Yeah, that's him. How did you know?"

"Nate Harlow is the president of ATO."

"Oh, really? Now it just got even more interesting."

Nora's amber eyes stared curiously at her roommate. "Jamie, when you say hookup you mean..."

"I meant that I had sex with him, Nora. You know, it's what the big people do when they like someone."

Nora sighed. "You shouldn't have done that, Jamie."

"Let me guess: he's a total asshole, goes through girls like toilet paper and treats them like shit. Have I got that right?"

"There's no need to sound so cocky."

"Sorry kid," Jamie ruffled Nora's hair. "I know you're just being a good friend. But trust me, I can handle guys like Nate. They think they're hot shit, fucking with girls and getting their way all the time when it really is just an act to mask how useless they truly are."

"He's kind of a man-whore, Jamie. You should be careful." "Don't sweat it, Nora. Everything's totally under control."

*****************

Jamie stifled a bored yawn. Normally she enjoyed her Media Ethics class but today just seemed more difficult to bear. It was the Tuesday after the ATO party and she hadn't heard from Nate. 

Nora told her to take it as a good sign, but Jamie was still intrigued by him. Her mind replayed their session in her mind over and over, making her body heat whenever she thought about his thick cock pumping inside her. Her body shuddered involuntarily when she found herself randomly fantasizing about him in the middle of lecture. 

Her phone began to vibrate, signaling she had a text message. She flipped open her slim silver phone and pressed the button to read. It was from a number she didn't recognize. 

The message was only one word. "Boo."

"Who is this?" she typed back quickly.

Jamie glanced up as her professor clapped her hands. "Alright guys, that's all for today. Please read chapters 7 and 8 for Thursday's class. See you all then."

Grabbing her bag, she slung it over her shoulders and headed out of the classroom. As she opened the front doors of the building, her phone buzzed again. 

Another text message. "I see you."

Jamie was confused. Who the heck could it be? She glanced around. It was a beautiful spring day and there were people everywhere milling about. 

Her phone vibrated again and Jamie checked the text. "You look sexy in those jeans."

She walked towards the group of benches in the shaded courtyard, craning her neck to see if she recognized anyone. 

Another buzz, another text. "Ooh, baby keep making that ass bounce."

Jamie smiled. She knew it was Nate. "Come out, wherever you are Harlow" she typed back.

It seemed like two seconds later he was standing in front of her. He still looked as good as he did that night. He was wearing another torn pair of jeans, white sneakers, and a grey zip-up hoodie with the school logo on the front. The same smoldering grin played on his lips. 

"So, you aren't as dumb as you look Harlow." Jamie slipped her phone back into her pocket. 

"Aww, I'll take that as a compliment, Jamie Kincaid."

"Stalking me? How desperate of you."

Nate grinned. "Not stalking; merely reading up on you. You've got quite the reputation."

"Me? You're one to talk, Harlow. I've been well informed about you."

"So now that we both know about each other...what do you say?"

"Say to what, Harlow?"

Nate looked at her. She was looking fine today. Her hair was sleek and flawless. She was wearing blue jeans and a fitted green t-shirt that cupped her large breasts beautifully. 

"You're a smart girl, Kincaid. Figure it out."

"Look Nate, I'm sure you're used to getting your way when it comes to girls. They all love you with the hot body and Southern accent, but I'm no man's plaything."

Nate wrapped his arm around her waist. Looking around, he noticed they were in a relatively secluded part of the campus. They were shaded by a large brick building as well as a thicket of tall fir trees. 

"I never said you were anyone's plaything, darlin'" Nate whispered. "I just thought we had a good time on Saturday. Figured we could do it again."

"Yeah, you might want to ask your girlfriend if she minds." Jamie kissed his neck. 

Nate groaned and cupped her heavy breasts in his hands, his thumbs circling her already erect nipples. "What girlfriend?" he asked. 

Jamie let out a short gasp. "The girl from the party, Harlow. The one you were ready to kill that guy over."

"Christa? Hardly. She's fuckin' history, sweetheart." Nate stared into her brown eyes, an undetectable emotion swimming in them. "Why you askin'? You jealous?"

She scoffed. "Hardly. You're hot, but not that hot. Plus, jealousy is a cologne I don't wear."

"Mmm speaking of, you smell like trouble. What is that scent your wearin'?"

"It's called 'No Bullshit'. Do these lines really work on girls?" Jamie pushed him away.

Nate laughed. "You'd be surprised."

"Apparently so. Listen Harlow, let's cut to the chase. You and I, we could have this thing going on but we need to set some boundaries. I believe we're both big people to handle this kind of arrangement."

Nate nodded. "And what kind of arrangement are you talkin' about?"

"Sex, Harlow. Completely casual. No questions. No details. Let's not kid ourselves into thinking this could be a relationship."

Nate was floored; he had never been with a girl who was so upfront about her intentions. 

"Kincaid, you shock me."

It was Jamie's turn to laugh. "Call me a cynic, but I believe the age of the romantic is dead. I know why you pulled me to you that night, and I don't care. Make who ever you want jealous."

"You're a feisty one, Kincaid."

"Harlow, you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."

*****************

Nate flopped back on his bed, an impish grin on his tanned face. Jamie should be arriving any minute now. 

Just thinking about her sexy dark curves and wild nature made him painfully hard. She was the most adventurous girl he had ever been with. She didn't hold back and gave as much as she got. 

He had to admit, it was her smooth brown skin that drew him to her. He had never talked to black girls before, at least not in a hooking-up kind of way. They had just seemed too unattainable. Back home in Nashville there were plenty of beautiful black women but Nate was a young kid only interested in the paler female form, until he saw Jamie and was hooked. 

Her skin was a warm chestnut color; silky smooth, he had spent what felt like hours running his hands up and down her body, kissing where his hands couldn't reach. Nate loved to lay her form across his, the creamy tan of his skin contrasting perfectly with hers. 

Since their initial hookup, it took him only a couple of days to find her. Harden University was a fairly large school, but Nate figured she must have known someone at the ATO house or ATC to have scored an invite. He discovered that she was the roommate of one of the ATC sisters, Nora Masters. 

After getting her number from Nora, he sent her a text message and the rest, as they say, was history. 

Jamie was upfront with him. He knew their little thing wasn't a relationship. But the way she was so determined to keep it that way turned him on. He wasn't a punk, but this girl sometimes straight dominated him and he loved it. It was refreshing to see the chick take charge for once instead of just lying there. 

For some reason, Christa popped into his mind. It was weird, because he hadn't thought about her in two weeks, since the ATO house party. His hands were pretty much full with exploring Jamie. 

Pulling out his cell phone, he looked at the last text message Christa sent him, right after she humiliated him in front of everyone. "Natey, things just aren't cutting it. Sorry. Friends?"

Nate scoffed. It would be just like Christa to break up with him through a fucking cell phone. He knew something was up when she kept saying she needed to "think things through". The girl couldn't think her way out of a pudding cup. He honestly didn't believe she was smart enough to cheat on him. Apparently she called his bluff. 

He didn't know why he was so upset over the end of their ridiculous relationship. It wasn't like they were a match made in heaven. What a story to tell the kiddies. 

"Hey Dad, how did you meet Mom?" 

"Well kids, your mother was a sorority slut who loved to get intoxicated and dance on the pole in the club. After too many Red Bull and Vodkas she slipped while trying to do a spin and I was there to catch her. As a thank you, she gave me the hottest blowjob in an alleyway and it's been love ever since. She had me at 'your cock tastes so good!'"

He laughed just thinking about the ridiculousness of the entire thing. Christa was hot, but he had to admit Jamie was better.

When it came to Jamie, he was insatiable. Their escapades ranged from safe, like the numerous times they hooked up in her apartment, to daring when they had sex in an empty classroom during a daytime break, to downright dangerous, like the time they had furious sex on the catwalk in the theatre department. 

Nate had discovered Jamie was just as kinky as he was the night she introduced silk scarves into their play. He assumed they were for him to use on her, and the look of surprise on his face as she tied his arms to his mahogany bed posts made her laugh aloud. 

At her complete mercy, she fucked him for over an hour and a half, stopping every time she knew he was nearing orgasm. His body had felt like it was going to explode, but he kept quiet, kept playing the game, bending to her will until she untied him and pounced on her. 

Nate remembered that night as being one of the best. He drove into her warmth, fucking her until she screamed so loud he thought she'd wake up the house. After the sixth orgasm he felt her body go limp underneath his as he smiled triumphantly. 

It was all a game with them; to see whose will would break first. They didn't discuss their personal lives. All Nate knew about Jamie was her name and that her roommate was a sister. He didn't see the point in knowing about the rest of her life and she didn't seem eager to learn about his. 

His phone buzzed with a text. "Knock, knock Harlow."

Nate smiled. "It's open," he called out. Seconds later Jamie was inside his large room and his eyes nearly popped out his head. She was wearing the outfit he requested, her long brown legs highlighted by the short black trench coat. The stilettos added height to her frame and made her legs look even longer. Her make-up was dark and smoky. 

In short, she looked absolutely stunning. 

"Well look at you," he said, his voice tight. 

"You have a ridiculously dirty mind, Harlow." She undid the belt and fingered the lapels of the coat.

"I could say the same about you too, Kincaid." He beckoned her closer. "I won't bite, darlin'."

"Bullshit" she replied. Jamie let the coat slide off her shoulders, revealing her naked body to him. She cupped her ample breasts, enjoying the way his dark stare made her nipples stiffen. "You like what you see, Harlow?"

Nate nodded. "You're fucking gorgeous."

Jamie pinched her nipples, gasping at the shock it sent ricocheting through her body. 

He crooked his index finger. "Come here," he beckoned. 

She walked slowly towards him. Kneeling on the bed, she crawled up to him. Nate thought she looked absolutely predatory. There was a wicked gleam in her brown eyes, the same gleam that thrilled him so many times before. 

Sitting up, he pulled her to him and crushed his lips against hers. Jamie moaned, reveling in the feeling of his hard body pressed to hers. She straddled him, grinding her soaking sex into the crotch of his jeans. 

"Fuckin' hell," he groaned. He gave her ass a sharp slap before rolling over so she was underneath him. 

Nate kissed his way down her body, licking every inch of brown skin before stopping at the apex of her thighs. Softly, he kissed the insides of her thighs, enjoying the cries of pleasure escaping her dusky lips. 

Using his thumb and forefinger, he parted her slick cocoa folds and dove into her sweetness. Jamie cried out, arching her back. Nate glanced up at her as he gently nibbled on her clit. "Open those eyes, sweetheart and sit up. I want you to see me enjoy you."

Her half-lidded eyes flew open as she propped herself up on her elbows. Biting down on her lip, she stared back into his eyes. Nate moistened his finger in his mouth before sliding it into her. Curling it slightly, he began to pump slowly in and out. 

"Oh god," Jamie moaned. 

"Now I told you, darlin' that 'Nate' will do."

"Shut up and put your mouth to good use," she shot back.

He grinned as he bent his head down. "Kincaid, you've got the prettiest pussy I've ever seen." He gave her clit another nibble before inserting another finger inside her. 

"Harlow," she gasped. 

"Darlin'?" His fingers moved lazily in and out while his thumb circled her clit. 

"I want you inside me. Now."

"That could be arranged." He sat up quickly to remove his black tank top and matching black boxers. Jamie reached for the tiny package on the nightstand next to the bed, tossing it at him. 

Sheathing himself with the condom, he guided his throbbing cock into her. 

"Shit," he groaned. She was so tight and her muscles clenched him almost painfully. 

Jamie pushed her hips up, finally connecting them. "Mmm, so good" she whispered. 

Nate guided her on her side as he threw a slender brown leg over his shoulder. He grinded into her pussy, his fingers gently strumming her clit. 

Jamie whimpered softly. 

"You like this, baby?" he growled. 

"Mmm, yes" she moaned. Nate coated his finger with her juices before bringing it to his lips. 

"You taste sweeter than sugar," he cooed. 

Sliding her leg from his shoulders. He fell back onto the bed, taking her with him. He slapped her bountiful cheeks before tossing her a grin. 

"Ride me," he commanded. 

Jamie moved her hips slowly, her heavy breasts with the dark nipples swayed seductively. 




Used Ch. 02



Nate reached down to play with her clit, the act sending sharp sparks shooting all over. He smiled when the sexy moans and swears tumbled from her lips. 

Jamie spread her legs wider, knowing it turned him on to see his thick pale cock disappear into her cocoa core. When she leaned back to cup his smooth sac, Nate uttered a low groan. 

"Jesus, Jamie." His hips moved to meet her hers, his cock thrusting hard into her. 

She gasped loudly. "Are you going to cum for me?" Jamie leaned forward. Her lips went to his earlobe, sucking the meaty flesh into her hot mouth. "Come on, Harlow. Give me some of that cream." She felt herself being flipped over, landing softly on her back. Nate rammed himself inside of her, making both of them moan loudly. 

Jamie grabbed the edge of the bed, gasping for air as he pumped her furiously. She glanced up at him. His eyes were closed, a sheen of sweat coated his handsome face. The muscles in his arms flexed with each thrust. As she grabbed his biceps, her muscles clenched his cock. 

She felt the familiar buildup as her whole body trembled in anticipation. As she came, she released a small wail that triggered his release. Nate's body tensed as he emptied himself into the condom. 

Exhausted, he collapsed on top of her, his broad tanned body covering her completely. Jamie wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer to her. 

She kissed his neck and stroked his hair, enjoying the soft porcupine feel of his shaved blonde locks. 

They were both silent, hearts still racing, pulses speeding. Nate breathed her scent in deeply. She smelled like a well-satisfied girl with a hint of something exotic, the spicy and heady scent tickling his nose. 

He sighed loudly. Jamie Kincaid was becoming an addiction.

*****************

Another weekend, another party. Jamie was beginning to feel as if alcohol and partying ruled her college life. It was all getting a little old. She was graduating in less than two months and already she was looking forward to leaving all the booze and bitches behind. 

She stepped out of the shower, grabbing her fluffy green towel from the rack and wrapping it around her body. 

Jamie padded silently to her bedroom. As she opened her closet door to ponder her outfit choices, there was a brief knock on her door. 

"Yeah?" she called out. 

"Open up, girl" she heard Nora call out. "Who the hell else would it be?"

She smiled. "Go 'head and come in, Creeper."

Nora entered the room. With her hands on her slim hips, she eyed Jamie incredulously. "You're not dressed yet?"

Jamie stared at her. "No. Some of us didn't have all damn day to prepare." She was referring to Nora's meticulously planned Nora-like outfit. She was wearing a pale pink lace dress that was both modest and sexy at the same time. Jamie knew only Nora could pull off a style like that. 

"Well, some of us didn't have a Nate Harlow bang-fest earlier so we had time to get ready," Nora shot back. 

"Damn, no need to be so sassy." Jamie pulled a pair of dark denim jeans out of the closet. After slipping on a pair of dark pink boy short panties, she slid on the tight jeans. With the towel still wrapped around her other half, she smoothed on lotion before clipping on a matching dark pink bra. 

"I'm just saying," Nora replied. "Nate 'Asshat' Harlow has taken over your time." 

"That's not true, Nora" Jamie said. "I've actually been at the library working on this monster research paper for my capstone class. That's what's been taking up the majority of my time." Jamie was telling the truth. For the past week and a half, her life had been consumed by her schoolwork and preparations for the end of college. She had only seen Nate twice, including the steamy session earlier today. 

He had visited her in the library, where they found one of the private study rooms and did everything but study. 

"Okay, whatever. It's just I miss hanging out with you." Nora flopped back on Jamie's bed, careful not to wrinkle the brown and turquoise bedspread. 

"I know, Nora. But hey you've been pretty busy yourself. How are things with Danny?" Jamie hoped to distract the girl from talking about Nate. Everyone's concerns and questions were getting on her damn nerves.

Nora smiled, her pretty face blushed slightly. "He's awesome. Things are going so well."

"Good to hear," Jamie said. She put on a fitted black tank top and slipped her feet into a pair of pink patent leather stilettos. Combing out her black bob, she turned to her roommate. "How do I look?" she asked. 

"Horrible." Nora joked. 

"Ouch."

"Shut up, you know I love you." Rising from the bed, she handed Jamie her purse. "Can we leave now? I'm supposed to be meeting a couple of the sisters along the way to pre-game," she said, referring to the time-honored sorority tradition of getting wasted before going out to drink. 

Jamie sighed. Sorority Nora had to be out tonight, and she wasn't as much fun as the real one. As if reading her thoughts, Nora patted her arm. "Don't worry, Jamie. I'm not even drinking that much. It's just that it's a Greek Week event and I have to participate."

Grabbing her roommate's hand, she tugged softly. "Come on, let's go."

*****************

The Alpha Theta Omega brothers had rented out a VIP room in one of the college town's hottest nightclub. Their Alpha Theta Chi sisters were the guests of honor tonight at their Greek Week event. 

Though non-Greeks were present (by personal invite, of course), Jamie still felt a little out of place. This was Nora's world, no matter how she tried to avoid being like the "sorostitutes" that populated her sorority. 

When they got to the club, Nora was immediately dragged by her sisters to talk with a large group of hot ATO brothers. Sighing, Jamie sidled up to the bar, ordering a Jack and Coke. 

The bartender complied, slipping a little extra whiskey into her glass. Jamie sipped thirstily, letting the concoction dull her senses. She watched the madness around her. The lights flashing, the music pumping. Everyone seemed to be having fun. 

Everyone but her. 

She didn't want to admit it, but she wished Nate would show up already. He and Nora were the only real connections she had to this silly world. Nora was too busy "bonding" with her sisters, if one could call doing massive amounts of shots a bonding experience. 

Jamie peered around the room, all the while acting as if she wasn't looking for him. 

By the time she ordered another tall glass of Jack and Coke, she was feeling kind of buzzed. Her hips were involuntarily swaying to the beat of the hip-pop song, her sultry movements catching the eyes of many a male onlooker. 

Jamie smiled. She didn't want to be, but she knew she was slowly turning into "that girl". The one who gets drunk in a corner and starts dancing by herself. Nora and I make fun of that pathetic girl all the time, she thought. 

Shrugging her shoulders, she slurped her drink. No matter. She was VIP at a hot club with an open bar. She was a grown ass woman, and she'd do what she wanted. 

As the song changed to an upbeat reggae/bhangra mix, Jamie tapped the guy standing next to her on the shoulder. 

"You should dance with me," she said, half-yelling.

The guy perused her body, his eyes taking in every dangerous curve. "Yeah, definitely" he replied, his blue eyes brightening. Jamie grabbed his hand, leading him through the crowd of people. 

His hands immediately found her waist. Dipping his knees, he pulled her closer to him. He was only a couple of inches taller than her, but moved with grace. 

Turning around, Jamie did a slow whine, grinding her hips into his. His hips moved with hers, meeting up with her pushes with powerful thrusts. Closing her eyes, Jamie allowed the pulsing music and the rhythm of their dancing to overtake her.

Though she was having a good time, one thought was niggling at the back of her mind. 

This would be so much hotter with Harlow. 

Indeed, though the situation was hot, she wasn't turned on. She couldn't say the same for her dancing partner. She could feel his obvious erection. When his hands cupped her breasts, he groaned audibly in her ear. "Baby, you are too fine."

When she opened her eyes, gasped at the icy blue stare of Nate.

*****************

When Nate arrived at the Lava Lounge, things in the trendy VIP room were already underway. As part of Greek Week, the ATO brothers treated their sweetheart sorority to a nightly party. In return, ATC planned day activities for them as well as compete in campus-wide events. It was a great way to form bonds...and hook up with hot girls. 

Although peering around the club, he didn't spot the one girl he actually wanted to hook up with. He assumed that Nora would have brought Danny, as it was required for everyone to bring a date. But after talking to some of his other brothers he found out Danny went home that weekend for a family emergency. 

As Nate sipped from the dark beer bottle, he felt someone tug on his shoulder. 

"Are you going to ignore me all night," a syrupy voice cooed. 

Nate felt his eyes roll in mild irritation. Christa. He didn't know why he had agreed to be her date to the event. There were plenty of other girls willing to go with him. But she had cornered him on his way to meeting Jamie in the library and he just said yes without even realizing what she was asking. Now he was cursing his haste in getting her to shut the hell up. 

Turning his face, he shot her the coldest of stares. "Let's get one thang straight. You and I are not here as a couple. Matter of fact, I'm tryna distance myself from you as quick as possible."

Christa flipped her auburn tresses over her tanned shoulder. "Nate, you really do need to chill. Can't we just be civil for one night?"

Can you just be your normal whore self and get bent, he thought to himself. "Christa bein' civil requires that I actually gave a damn about your feelings. So no, we can't be civil. Now go get drunk and blow some guy. It's what you're best at." And with that, he turned his muscular back to her and strode off. 

"Fuckin' hell," he muttered as he downed the rest of his beer. He walked to the bar and ordered a draft of anything, figuring he needed as much alcohol he could stand if he was going to make it through this night. 

As he gulped down his beer, he saw Nora walk up to the bar. "Cosmopolitan, please" she said politely to the bartender who winked saucily at her and complied. 

"Are you always so fuckin' polite?" 

She turned her amber gaze to meet his. "Are you always such a conceited prick?"

Nate laughed heartily. "Touché." He eyed her. She was a pretty girl, a little too pure for his tastes. She was much shorter than Jamie, with slender hips, generous breasts, and a sweet smile. Nate could see why Danny would fall for a girl like her. Nora Masters was definitely a girl a guy could take home to Mama. 

"So, Ms. Masters I take it Daniel is treating you well?"

Nora sipped from the bright pink drink. "Not that it's any of your business, but yes."

"Good," Nate said. "I'd have to crack his skull for hurtin' a good girl like you."

"The same goes for you, Nate Harlow."

His blue eyes gazed at her in mock innocence. "Whatever do you mean, Ms. Masters?"

Nora's eyes narrowed considerably. "You know exactly what I mean."

"See, now that's where you're mistaken. Your friend, she most definitely ain't a good girl. But that's how I like 'em."

"She's way better than you deserve. Maybe she'll see that someday. But for now, she's slumming it."

"Ouch," Nate said. He clutched dramatically at his chest. "You break my heart, Masters."

"Better your heart than your fucking jaw," she muttered. 

Nate couldn't help but laugh. "You're a little firecracker. But I understand. You gotta look out for your friend. But she's a big girl, you know. And trust me; she ain't as innocent as she looks."

He turned to grin triumphantly at Nora, but her gaze was towards the dance floor. 

"I'll say," she replied, a smirk plastered on her face. Nate looked up to see what caught his attention. It was Jamie. She was on the dance floor with another guy. They were dancing close, her ass grinding into his crotch. The guy was clearly enjoying it. His was holding on to her hips as she swayed slowly. 

He felt his eye twitch. 

Slamming down his glass, he strode purposefully over to them, his broad shoulders parting the crowd easily. 

Stopping in front of her, he waited until her eyes were open and heard the small gasp. 

"Harlow?"

His jaw clenched visibly as the guy placed his hands on Jamie's hips. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked tersely. 

"I'm Nora's date." She grinned. "I didn't know you'd be here tonight."

"Well I am ATO president." He felt his fingers curl into a tight fist. Whoa man, calm it down. 

"Uh buddy, can't you see we're a little busy here?" Jamie's dance partner gave him a reproachful look. 

Nate tensed. "Who the hell are you anyway? This is a private party, asshole." He grabbed Jamie's hand. "Let's go."

Turning to walk away, he heard the guy utter a slew of curse words. 

Nate led them to a dark corner of the room. 

"What the hell is your problem, Harlow?" Jamie asked as he sat down on the black leather couch. His fist was balled under his chin as he sat scowling. Jamie stared down at him, hands on her hips. 

"Nothin'" he muttered. 

"Really? Because it just looked like you were about to throw a temper-tantrum."

He muttered something about toys and hands off. Jamie couldn't hear him over the music and the usual club noise. 

Straddling his lap, she sat down. "Aww, is someone jealous?"

Nate scoffed. "Hardly." Jamie grinned. "I think it's cute Harlow."

"I think you're full of shit," he said.

She laughed again. Leaning forward she let her tongue run across his jaw line before sucking his soft skin, enjoying the manly moan that escaped. 

"I think you're the one who's full of shit," she whispered. Her lips slanted over his, her tongue sliding into his mouth. 

Groaning, Nate grabbed her ass and rocked her on his rapidly inflating cock. 

"Mmm, jealously turns me on too" she said.

"I wasn't jealous," he maintained. Maybe just a little, he thought. 

Jamie laughed. "Okay, we'll play it your way." Getting up, she kissed him one last time before straightening up. "I'm going to go freshen up and then we should get out of here."

"I just got here..." he started. 

"Well, you can stay if you want. I'm sure that guy I was dancing with would love to join me for what I have planned." She pretended to turn and scan the room for him when she felt herself being whipped around. 

He was standing now, as he kissed her hard. Jamie sighed, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Five minutes," he growled. "Or I'm comin' in there and startin' it in a stall. And I won't give a damn about who's watchin'."

Jamie shuddered. She loved it when he went Alpha. His blue eyes took on a more frosty turn and his southern twang became even deeper. 

Chucking him softly on the chin, she grinned. "Whatever you say, Harlow." She walked away slowly, knowing he was watching her ass sway. 

When she got to the fancy powder room, she was surprised to see Nora. 

"Hey girl," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, it is a bathroom Jamie."

They laughed. "Shut up," Jamie said. "Oh, I think I'm gonna head out after this."

"Surprise, surprise. I know Nate showed up."

Jamie sighed. "Nora..."

"I'm not saying anything, dude. I've already spoke my piece." Nora checked her reflection in the mirror. 

"I know you mean well. But like I said before, I can handle assholes like him."

"Yeah, see that's what I'm afraid of."

Jamie stared at her roommate. "What are you talking about?"

It was Nora's turn to sigh. "You like him, Jamie. For some godforsaken reason, you actually like the cretin that is Nate Harlow."

Jamie laughed, the sound echoing off the dark bathroom tile. "Are you serious, Nora? I don't like him."

Nora stared at her, hands on her hips. "Then why are you fucking him?"

"It's—it's complicated," she started. 

"No, it's bullshit. Because you're only going to get hurt. Nate Harlow only cares about himself."

That's not true, she wanted to say. There were times when he held her and she just felt this...thing. She wasn't sure what it was, but it felt right. It felt like caring. 

"Nora..."

Nora held up her hands. "I'm backing off. But seriously dude. I'm not sure how many times I can defend you."

"Defend me? What are you talking about?"

Nora laughed. "Jamie, are you really going to act like no one knows what's going on with the two of you? ATC, ATO—they all know."

"I don't have to explain my actions to anyone, Nora. Especially not to some bored Greek assholes who like to gossip."

"Whatever, Jay. I know you're Miss Independent. So here's hoping you know what you're doing. See you back at the apartment." She left the bathroom quickly. 

Jamie turned to stare at herself in the mirror. What the fuck was that about, she wondered. But she knew exactly what the deal was. 

A noise from one of the stalls jarred her thought process. Jamie looked up as the stall door opened and the drunk girl from the first ATO party stumbled out. 

Christa stared glassy-eyed at Jamie. "So, you're Nate's new whore." She slammed her oversized bag on the red countertop.

"Well, with you being Nate's old whore I guess I should thank you for releasing him from your clutches."

Christa sneered. From the way her mouth curled perfectly, Jamie figured that was a habit for the girl. Too bad, she wasn't completely unfortunate-looking. She was about Jamie's height thanks to tottery silver pumps. She was wearing a tight white-hot strapless tube dress that accentuated her tan skin and reddish hair.

"You really should listen to your friend."

"You really shouldn't listen to other people's conversations. That's how nosy bitches get black eyes."

"I'm shaking, I'm sure," Christa scoffed. 

"Why are you talking to me? Isn't there some dick that needs your mouth on it?"

"I could say the same thing to you."

"Yeah, you could. But I'm not so sure you'd like a hospital visit right now."

"My, my, my. Do guys really find that aggressive 'angry black woman' thing attractive?" She checked her shiny lip gloss in the large bright mirror.

"Actually, Nate does. He prefers his women with a little bite."

"Oh, honey I know. I've had that, remember?"

Jamie folded her arms. "Does your rant I have a point? Because I have somewhere to be."

Christa picked up her purse. "Nate's just using you. When he's had his fill of the dark side he'll come crawling back to me. You don't possibly think he'd ever have a relationship with you?" She laughed. "Honey please. Nate's a great fuck, but he's not dumb. His money's always on the winning horse. And that's definitely not you."

Jamie laughed. "Wow, thanks for the advice. I'm sure you won't mind if I pass on it. Although if I ever need to know how to get rid of questionable fluid stains from bed sheets, I'll definitely look you up. Now get the fuck out of my way." 

Pushing past the stunned girl, she opened the door and headed out into the VIP room. 

Though she knew Christa was just trying to shake her up, she couldn't get hers and Nora's words out of her head. She made her way back to Nate, who was talking to a couple of his brothers. 

When she arrived into the fold, Nate tossed his brothers a sly grin. "Ready to go, Kincaid?" he asked, slipping an arm around her waist. 

Jamie smiled. "Yeah. Let's go." 

One thought lingered in her mind. Who's playing whom?



Used Ch. 02



The problem, (and for the record it was a problem), was that he knew where she worked, which soon enough turned into knowing where she lived. It had happened innocently enough. He found errands to do close to where she could be, around the time she might be there. If say, she was leaving work at 5 o'clock, he could be leaving the dry cleaner's down the block at five o'clock. It was just that easy.

Her SUV was easy to spot, pearly white and freshly washed against the gray of the now-dirty snow on the roadways, glinting in each street light she past. It was easy enough to pull in behind her, one more older-model pick-up on the streets of Anchorage. He got off the highway where she did, but didn't pull into her apartment complex. The point was not to watch her get out of her car, hoping she would look his way and praying she wouldn't. Watching to see which door was hers, which deadbolt her key unlocked each night. Which light turned on when she closed the door behind her, shutting the cold and the world and the sometimes cold world out behind her.

So he kept driving, and instead went home, and found the door that his key could open, and went inside and shut himself in and sat in the dark, feeling wrong about this small violation, and promising that it would not happen again. And it didn't happen again, not for another few months when he was in the area and it was 4:45 and some of his button-down shirts were in a plastic shopping bag on the floor of the passenger side of the cab of the truck, waiting to be laundered and pressed by professionals with no tolerance for wrinkles. And so he found the dry cleaner's, and stopped for coffee next door, and low and behold it was 5:05 and he was exiting one lot as she was exiting another, across the street, and he felt the same tug and the same yearning for what he'd had fleetingly but forgot to hold onto. He'd forgot to tell her that it wasn't about Ben or Audrey, who were still together and still In Love (or at least Audrey was). And if it had been about them, in the middle somewhere, before they were finished and she'd pushed him away from the smooth damp warmth of her thighs, pushed him aside and compartmentalized, it had been about two other people. About Esme. And Barry. And Esme and Barry and everything it shouldn't, but did, represent.

But this time, the second time he followed the pearly white SUV, it did not drive home. It, and she with it, pulled into the parking lot of a dive-bar with a sparse but loyal clientele. And Barry found his pick up pulling in behind it, and parking an aisle away. And it was dark and cold and poorly lit but he could see her dark curls in the interior light of the cabin of the SUV when her door opened, see her reach across the seat and grab for her purse, see one lean leg exit the vehicle, followed by the second. High heeled shoes gingerly avoiding slush puddles caused by the intermittent melting of snow and ice, the black wool pea-coat being pulled in tight against her body as she closed the door behind her with a 'thud', and all was dark again, and she was just a shadow to him.

And as much as he'd like to say that, for Ben's sake (and for Audrey's sake... for surely his choice here would affect Ben, would alter his behavior in some small but dramatic way which could only inevitably destroy a small bit of his sister's heart), for everyone's sake he would like to say he turned the ignition on the truck, and that it roared to life and that, after watching her disappear into the bar he drove away. For his own sake, maybe, he wanted to be able to say this. But instead he got out, and he followed her inside. And neither of them was surprised that she had a beer waiting for him at the bar.

Esme had seen him exiting the parking lot of the small shopping center, seen him make a rather brave left hand turn after she made her right onto the Glenn Highway. She had watched the black older model Chevy pick up, and it had to be at least 20 years old, moving along behind her. He was not keeping a lot of distance between their vehicles, he was not trying to camoflauge what may or may not have been a mere coincidence in circumstances at that time. She wasn't sure, didn't decide, really, that he was following her until she made the decision to pull into the parking lot at the bar. She'd intended to go straight home after work. She had made plans with her sister. They weren't big plans, it would not be a hassle if she were late, or had to cancel. It was a shared interest in a particularly crass reality TV show which drew their shared attention and facilitated them, spending time together. But it was a weekly show, and she recorded all episodes in the event that the plans which ever so slightly renewed her link to her sister were canceled, as they were at least once a month, usually on Elisa's end. A volunteer meeting, or a children's sleep over, or a make-up yoga class.

This will go better, she knows, if she speaks first. About what happened between them. The only way to move past his reasons for sleeping with her were to give them voice, and take away their mystery and thus their power. 

He sat down next to her, and they sat next to each other for a long moment, neither of them saying anything or looking anywhere except straight ahead at a flickering Budweiser sign. Esme spoke first. "I'm not as horrible as you think, if that's what this is about again. I didn't go back to him again, so you can save it. I don't deserve it."

"I wish you wouldn't assume I'm going to accuse you of something, or berate you or call you names. It makes what I'm going to say harder, if you are bracing yourself against whatever it is before I've even said a word."

"You fucked me to get back at him. I fucked you to get back at him. That's the only other thing between us that calls for discussion, except there isn't any need. It is what it is."

"And that's all it is."

Fucking men. Go to the trouble of letting them off one hook and they close their mouths around another. Esme took a sip from her beer. They'd served it in the bottle. She'd ordered them Newcastles because nearly every man she's ever dated loved Newcastle, and she realized again that she disliked Newcastle much like she disliked nearly every man she'd ever dated. She could feel his eyes on her, but as usual she couldn't have wagered a decent bet on what he was thinking.

They were quiet for a minute, until Barry's curiosity got the better of him. "You haven't seen him at all? He hasn't called?" And she knew the tone, it was pity. It was 'Oh, you slept with Ben again, and he didn't call you...again'. As usual she didn't want the pity, and this time she didn't deserve it. This time she didn't want Ben calling her. Didn't bring her cell phone into bed with her, didn't close her eyes to better remember the feel of his hands on her.

It had been a few months since that morning with Barry, and his hair had grown enough that when he cut it the blond was gone. He was back to dark brown, his hair cropped just short enough that it only betrayed a hint of wave.

Esme took another sip of beer, tried not to wince at the taste, and turned her attention to Barry only to find he'd moved in closer and was watching her with interest. "What?" she said.

"Sometimes I think about that morning, and I think it wasn't right. I think maybe we should have waited, should've given us a chance, separate from him...but mostly when I think about being with you," Barry lowered his voice to a near-whisper, "I know it was right, and I want to do it again."

Esme found her eyes drawn to his, found him irristitible in this moment and, absurdly, in every other moment they'd ever had. Every moment when she had resisted, had dismissed him in the way she dismissed other visually pleasing things. A nice car, but known for maintenance issues. Cute boots, but low quality leather. A striking watch, but she has a perfectly good watch. His eyes, sad looking eyes, searched hers. 

"Clever trick." She said, pushing away from the bar, grabbing first her beer and then his, and moving away from the bar and towards a booth in a darkened corner. 

It took Barry a few minutes to catch up with her, but she refused to look until finally she thought maybe he wasn't coming and she glanced around for him. He was making his way toward the table, a new drink in his hands. He set the glass on the table in front of her, sat down and moved in until his back was against the wall, so that he was next to her instead of across from her. 

He pointed at the drink. "Seven and seven. What trick?" She took a sip and pushed her beer toward him.

"With the eyes. The seductive yet vulnerable look. Sexy, but approachable. Wanting to be approached."

She sighed, and found herself tired all of a sudden. She hadn't eaten yet, would be tipsy when she showed up at her sister's house. There'd be a discussion. What are you doing with your life? Where can you go from here? Where could anyone go from where you are? It exhausted her just thinking about it. 

It had only been a few months since she'd seen him but Barry must have lived in his leather jacket. So pristine not long ago, now worn and creased and infinitely more rugged looking. 

"What are you doing tonight?" Barry asked, abandoning the contentious nature of their previous conversation. She seemed to relax into herself a little, took another sip, ended up with a piece of ice that, not wanting to spit back into her drink, she warmed in her mouth until it was small enough to swallow.

"My sister and I have a standard TV night thing on Fridays."

"You watch television with your sister on Friday nights? Isn't Friday night for going out and getting drunk and finding someone you could potentially have a lasting, meaningful relationship with but turns out really to be a bit of a loser or an alcoholic or is maybe even unemployed and living in a mother apartment attached to his parents' house."

She offered up a small smile at this. The first of the night, it was tentative, a twisting of her mouth up at one corner. It was followed by another sip of her drink, another piece of ice, maybe even a little of her resistance being melted and swallowed away.

"She's got a little girl, so I usually go over and hang out with them until Trina, her daughter, goes to bed. Then we drink wine and watch TV."

Barry sees the opening, steps through, gingerly but feigning confidence. "Are you and your sister close?"

"This is my step sister. She's a year younger than I am, and I moved into her dad's house with my mom when I was seventeen. I only lived there another year before moving to the dorms so we weren't close. My mom kept our old house and rented it out, but used it as our permanent address so I could stay in the same school. But we're trying. She went away to school, graduated in three years, and came back here."

"Is she married?" 

Esme nodded. "He's an engineer, works in the villages a lot."

"They met in school?"

"No, they met right after she came back up here. Had I think what Casey meant to be a fling, but ended up with Trina and never looked back."

"And they're happy?"

The look she gave him was thoughtful. She looked remarkably unhurt when she said, "Well, she wouldn't tell me otherwise."

And Barry didn't understand this at all, because there wasn't one thing he wouldn't tell this woman if she asked. But that was maybe the answer, because she wouldn't ask. She wouldn't ask her step-sister, whom she saw every week, and she wouldn't ask Ben and she most assuredly wouldn't ask Barry. And that's what it would be like, he knew, if he moved into her gravitational pull. And there was no mistake, it was her gravitational pull. It was him being pulled. She wasn't much affected by it. She might slow down, she might list to the left, but she would keep spinning in space as if he weren't there. Weren't orbiting around her waiting for her to relent, and let him in. And he could be waiting a long time.

They had a limited amount of time before she had to leave, and he leaned in the kiss her. Her lips were cool to the touch, and his own mouth felt hot in comparison to hers. She drew in a shaky breath when his lips descended on hers, but gave in to the kiss without thinking about it. She made a soft sound in her throat when his teeth tugged on her bottom lip, pulling away just as the tempo of his heart started to race. 

"I think your phone is ringing," he said when he pulled away. Esme looked unconvinced, but reached into her purse and pulled out the cell phone. It hadn't rung at all, and she showed him the screen to correct him. "Not me"

He took the phone from her hand and started dialing. This time a phone rang, but the sound came from inside his coat. He ended the call without answering his phone and handed her cell back to her, letting his hand linger when he placed it in her palm. "I've got your number," he said, smiling.

Esme blushed, and the start of a smile was startled away from her when the phone rang loudly. 

She smiled apologetically at Barry and answered the phone. Her responses gave little away about who the caller was, and her expression was even less telling, but when she said, "Not at all, I'll see you next week, then," he figured it was her sister.

"No TV night?" Barry asked when she slid the phone into her purse.

"No TV night."

"Any chance I can have your spare evening? We could rent a movie and—"

She interrupted him. "Why?"

"We don't have to rent a movie, we could go to a movie, or go..I dunno, bowling? We could just have dinner and—"

"Why the date?"

Barry raised an eyebrow.

"Or the spare evening or whatever you're calling it. Why me? What is this?"

She was looking at him with those big brown eyes and Barry's heart lurched in his chest a little. She was on the verge of saying yes but he could tell it was not because she wanted to. 

"This is me just like I've been since what happened. This is me not being able to think about anything except the sweetness of your breath against my mouth. This is weeks of hemming and hawing and deciding that no, I shouldn't, only to decide that yes, I had to. Because I want to be with you again."

She didn't speak for a moment, and then she did speak, and her voice was soft and unsteady. "Then take me home."

*

He followed her to her apartment, and when they closed the door on the world outside she immediately moved into the kitchen and pulled a bottle from a cabinet and some cokes from the fridge and started to mix drinks. "Why don't you put on some music?" She called to him, and he did, moving toward the entertainment center where most of her electronics were kept. A TV, a stereo, a rack of CDs and movies, and her phone and answering machine. She had one message. He wondered absently if it was Ben, wondered how many messages Ben had left on this very machine over the years.

The CD already in the stereo was Bruce Springsteen. He left it in and found a track he liked, but made sure the CD was set to repeat once it was over. 

Her house was tidy, lots of storage spaces, everything in its place. There were pictures of her around, and he noticed that she was standing toward the back in most of them, looking happy but guarded. Part of the group but not engaged. Not at all like Ben, the center of nearly every photo, always the biggest smile. Usually slightly drunk. It didn't look like Esme drank much, which made sense, since she seemed tipsy already.

"Here," she said, handing him a rum and coke. He took it, let his fingers brush against hers as he did. She was holding her own drink in her other hand. She'd either already drank a quarter of it or she'd poured herself a smaller glass. His bet was on liquid bravery.

"So now what?" she asked, taking a drink and moving toward the couch. He hadn't gotten a good look at her clothes in the bar, the lighting was too poor, but he saw now she was wearing a short black skirt over thick black tights and a turtle-neck sweater of deep purple cashmere that hugged her curves enticingly. She sat down, keeping her knees together primly, looking uncomfortable. Barry sat next to her, letting his leg rest against hers. The heat from her body seemed to soak into him. She smelled faintly of clove, which he found a little disconcerting.

"Is what you said at the bar true, Esme? Ben really hasn't called you? I'm not going to say anything, I just need to know."

She looked at her drink, eyes downcast, she opened her mouth to speak. He could see she was preparing to lie. She brought her eyes up just before she spoke, looked him in the eye when he did it, and spoke with such conviction that he sensed what she said was true. "I haven't spoken to Ben since that morning."

And it was true, and he knew it was true, but it wasn't the truth. She hadn't answered his question at all.

"Has he called you?"

She looked at the drink again. Bruce Springsteen couldn't fill the void, and her silence almost swallowed his determination to have her. She took a breath and he leaned across her to set his glass on the end table, took her glass and set it next to his. He took her hand, lacing their fingers together. He had to tell her.

"They're getting married, Esme. She's going to marry him. Please just tell me, tell me if he's been trying to see you. Tell me if he's called you. I just need to know." He kept talking but she'd shut down after his first sentence. Ben was getting married. She hadn't heard anything else. He could feel her shock, the hurt was palpable, and it made him angry that Ben could hurt her this way just by wanting someone else. There was an anger attached to the hurt, her eyes watered for a split second before she got her tears under control. Ben had hurt her, and she was angry, and that's how it would be for Esme and Barry. She would be forever reacting to Ben. Maybe not quite so dramatically, but it would be there, underneath the surface, the background static of any relationship they built, whether as friends or lovers or not-quite-friendly-lovers.

"How dare you," she said, her words a hiss. And he rethought everything, because it was him she was angry with. 

"Don't blame the messenger," He said, knowing the words were like lighter fluid on a flame but unable to stop himself. Luckily, she hadn't seemed to hear him.

"How dare you pretend to come here under the pretense of sex to ask me about Ben? You obviously didn't say shit to him about cheating on Audrey, and you know what?, that's fine. But don't you bring me into this. And don't you pretend you're here for me when you aren't. You're here for her, to protect her. And I get it, she's your little sister, and that's your job. Well, go fucking do it somewhere else and get the fuck out of my house and don't—"

She is all quiet rage and biting tone but all Barry can think is that he provoked the anger, provoked the hurt, and that maybe there's a chance that he isn't just a Ben-substitute, that maybe something inside of her already turned itself off to Ben and that somewhere, he had his own place in her thoughts. 

Esme moved to stand up but Barry caught her before she was upright, pushed her back into the couch cushions and leaned over her. She was startled speechless, and he used the opportunity to lower his mouth to hers. He kissed her fiercely as he grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap so that she was straddling him. Her hands were pressing against his chest as she tried to regain some control and put some distance between their bodies. The more distance she put between their chests the closer her hips came to his and he loosened his grip on her arms. Their lips broke apart as her hips inadvertently pressed down into his, and she found him erect through their clothes. Her body stilled, her eyes closing momentarily when she found him hard and hot against her.

Barry let his hands slide down her body until he gripped her waist and pulled her down onto him. "I meant what I said." He told her, one hand leaving her hip to bury itself in her dark curls. "I want to be with you again. Inside you again." Almost unconsciously, she started moving her hips, dragging herself over him, rubbing herself on him. He put his hand between them, feeling between her legs and finding her hot and damp.




Used Ch. 02



"Oh Jesus, you're wet." He pulled her closer, kissing her. Against her mouth he whispered, "so fucking wet."

She gave into his kiss, relaxed into his body, straddled him wantonly and started unbuckling his belt to get to the button on his jeans.

"Let's go to your bedroom," he whispered, and she smiled, nodded, and extricated herself from his grip. He watched her stand and straighten her skirt. A nervous gesture made all the more adorable by the fact that he was about to either take it off of her or push it up and out of his way and they both knew it.

He stood and took her hand and they made their way into the bedroom. She stopped just inside the doorway and he moved in behind her, pressing his cock against her bottom and running his hands up her sides until he had a breast cupped in each hand and he was nibbling at her ear. Esme wiggled her ass against him and he responded by grabbing the hem of her sweater and pulling it up and over her head. She wore a pale pink bra under the sweater and the delicate lace against her olive skin made his pulse jump. He unzipped her skirt and caught the tops of her hose with his thumbs, pushing the tights down her legs. When he bent to finish the job and get the tights off of her feet he could smell the sweetness of her pussy. 

Her panties were lacey and pink and looked so good he couldn't bare to take them off of her yet. Instead he slid a hand between her legs and moved them to the side, sliding a finger into her silky warm pussy. She pressed into his finger and he could feel her need, and she almost purred when he stroked his now slick finger over her clitas he knelt behind her. Her knees started to shake and he decided to move her to the queen sized bed in the middle of the room.

"How do you want it?" he asked, guiding her down onto her hands and knees on the bed so that he had the full view of her ass and pussy and the backs of her thighs. He finished the job of getting his jeans off while she waited for him on her hands and knees, prone.

Barry unbuttoned his shirt and pushed down his boxer-briefs, keeping an eye on her while he disrobed, watching the way she rocked back and forth, ever-so-slightly, a feint replication of the back and forth thrusting of sex.

"I want you inside me," she said, her voice tight with anticipation. He kneeled behind her on the bed, rested a hand on her hip and slid his cock up the inside of her thigh. She drew a sharp breath. 

"Please fuck me." 

And he wanted to, was about to slide inside her in one smooth thrust when his attention was drawn to her bureau. On top of it were some accessories. Hair clips, jewelry, and what looked to be folded scarves. He held his cock still just outside of her waiting pussy. "Can I tie you up, baby? I wanna tie you to the bed."

She stilled, seeing an opportunity. "You can if you can hold me down long enough to get me strapped down." He could hear the smile in her voice.

"Is that a challenge?" he asked, already picturing overpowering her, pinning her down and fucking her hard.

She moved forward, away from him, and rolled over so that she was laying on her back looking up at his, dark curls splayed over the blue-green bedspread. She slid one long leg down beside each of his hips and clamped, pulling him down. He relented and positioned himself on top of her, between her thighs. He lowered his head, already thinking about forgetting the games and sliding inside of her. 

When he trailed his kisses down her neck she said, quite innocently, "We would need a safe word. Just in case, you know...one of us wanted to call it off."

His cock throbbed at the suggestion, at the realization that she wanted it. Wanted him to hold her down, to tie her up and fuck her.

"What's the safe word? No? Stop?"

She smiled a teasing, enchanting full smile that melted his heart a little bit. "Of course not. I might need those words for other things. How about 'parakeet'?"

"You'll be saying no?"

She gave him a look like he was a little bit simple. "Unless you don't want to...wrestle...I mean, I don't have to fight back. If you just want to tie me up, that's okay, too, I—"

"Parakeet it is," he said, and he was off her in one swift move and moving toward the bureau for the scarves. There were only two of them, he'd have to hold her legs himself. When he turned back to the bed she was scampering to her knees, moving toward the edge of the bed as if to make her escape.

He made it back to the bed before she could exit, pushed her back easily enough onto the covers. "Wait. I don't want to hurt you. How bad, I mean, how hard... what's your pain tolerance?" 

"That's what the safe word is for," she said. And then she slapped him.

Barry's body stiffened with the blow. The base of her palm caught him in the mouth, and his teeth did the work she hadn't intended, cutting his lip open. He tasted blood and put a hand to his mouth, reflexively. Stunned, he sat for a moment, unsure of what to do. While he was distracted, Esme's knee found his ribs and pulled him out of his shock. Barry grabbed her as she was rolling away from him, toward the edge of the bed. 

Barry's grip was too light on her arm, and she shook him off easily. Her progress toward the edge of the bed when he buried a hand in her hair, tugging her back toward him while he tried to get his bearings. This had seemed like a good idea at first but her sharp intake of breath when he pulled her back by the hair gave him second thoughts. He couldn't see her face, which made it harder to gauge her reaction. Worried, he loosened his grip and was thanked with an elbow in the gut.

"Fuck!" he spat, grabbing her by the arms and forcing her face down toward the bed. She squirmed and bucked, her legs bending at the knee in an effort to land a kick to his thighs. To keep his groin safe, he positioned himself between her legs, putting some of his weight on her back while he worked at holding both her wrists in one of his hands.

"Does this make you feel like a big man?" she asked, turning her head in an effort to look back at him. "Overpowering a woman? Does this make you hot?"

His ribs throbbed and his breath coming at some expense to his comfort. He bent over, licked up the length of her spine from between her shoulder blades to the base of her hairline.

"Is that how you get women to fuck you?" she said, only the tremble in her voice betraying her body's reaction to his tongue. "You hold them down?"

Barry smiled at her attempts to rile him, buried his nose in her hair and breathed her in. "You're going to love it," he said, kissing her as he reached for a scarf.

"You gonna make me love it, tough guy?" She renewed her struggle when she realized he'd grabbed a restraint, tried to get at least one wrist free from his hand. It should have been easy, might have been if his hands were just a little bit smaller.

"You're acting like you love it," he said, responding to the way she rocked her ass back into his cock, pressing her panty-clad bottom into him. She caught the side of his right thigh with her heel and Barry grunted in pain. 

"Little bitch," he muttered, only half kidding. He widened the space between his knees, pushing her legs farther apart and diminishing her ability to kick back at him with any force. Giving up on the idea of tying her to the bed, he decided he could settle on binding her wrists together. She continued her efforts to pull away but had to stop struggling when he pushed his chest against her back, forcing the air from her lungs. He had to tie her wrists without the benefit of sight, but when he finished she struggled against the knot and it held tight. She twisted, going from calm to frantic. "No, not like this, use both scarves, tie me to the bed."

"Ssh," he said, running his now free hands up her sides, sliding them underneath her to cup her breasts.

"Seriously, Barry, please. This hurts." She thrashed and strained, trying to work her arms free.

Barry slid his hands down her sides until his hands were on her hips. She had slid forward in the tussle and he jerked her hips up to reposition her ass in the air.

"My shoulders, Barry, this hurts my neck."

His right hand followed the delicate pink lace of her panty line diagonally across her ass cheek and, when he reached the damp fabric between her legs, he slipped his hand inside her panties. He made a fist around the fabric the separated him from her pussy and yanked. He heard a satisfying rip as the lace gave way. Esme jumped a little and renewed her struggle against the scarf as Barry let his knuckles skim over her pussy. His fingers came away damp and glistening. She wiggled away, putting distance between them, but he used his other hand to pull her back as he straightened out two of his fingers on the hand between her thighs. 

Barry's fingers slid inside her. She grunted in satisfaction and squirmed against his hand, frustrated and wanting more. After a moment Esme regained her composure. "Get your hands off me," she scooted forward and away from him again. 

Barry leaned forward, threw an arm around her so that her neck was cradled in his elbow. "How about you shut your fucking mouth. We're going to use your mouth later, don't worry. Why don't you let it rest, now?"

"You're choking me," she whined, unable to do anything except try to hit him with her tied hands. "I can't breathe."

"If you can talk, you can breathe." Barry ran one free hand down the length of her body, in between her legs he dipped his finger into her wet hole, brought it back to her lips aand offered the finger, slick with her juices, to her. She sucked his finger into her mouth and closed her teeth around his knuckle, then closed her lips and sucked. Barry sucked the lobe of her ear, mimicking her motions, until his mouth came away and he was dragging his teeth down her neck. He alternated between nibbling and kissing her skin, then closed his mouth and sucked on the skin, marking her. Esme released his finger and let own an involuntary moan as he moved down her throat and then further, down her back, only pausing where her arms were tied behind her back. After quickly repositioning himself under the roadblock, Barry nibbled and sucked and kissed his way down until he came to her ass, which he squeezed and massaged with his hands before using his thumbs to push her cheeks apart. 

He looked hungrily at the puckered hole, but closed his mouth over her pussy, dragging his bottom teeth gently across her clit as he plunged his tongue into her hot pussy. She tasted sweet and he lapped at her, hungrily, while he continued his exploration of her ass. He used his thumbs to spread her cheeks wider, exposing her tight little asshole to the cool air in the bedroom. She moaned almost uncontrollably as his tongue plunged inside of her. He opened his mouth wider and gently dragged his bottom teeth across her clit again and again, until she was on the verge of tears because of the exquisite mixture of pleasure and pain. Every muscle in her body trembled as she gasped for air and Barry could feel control being chipped away. He needed to be inside her, to slide inside her in one smooth thrust. His cock started to throb as he thought about the feel of her, so many months ago.

Esme closed her eyes and focused on the feelings his mouth was eliciting. Each time his thumbs got closer to her ass she prayed he would slide one in. She had never wanted anyone in her ass as badly as she wanted to feel his finger inside her. She bucked her hips, rocking toward his face to a quickening internal tempo. She felt one of his hands leave her ass, but he slid his thumb inside her slick pussy and distracted her from the disappointment. She tried to look back over her shoulder at what he was doing, but it only worsened the crook in her neck. 

Barry was positioning himself for entry behind her just when she felt some give in the knot around her wrists. The knot had not come loose, but the fabric of the scarf had stretched and allowed her to tug a hand free. The penetration with his thumb was maddeningly brief, but soon his thick, hard cock was buried inside her pussy.

"Oh, fuck," they said in unison. Barry's fingers dug into her hips, but it didn't seem to be a reaction to her getting out of the restraint. He was unaware she was no longer bound, but he held her so tight the bite of his nails were breaking the skin. She clawed at his fingers desperately but, just starting to pump inside her, he didn't notice. As he worked her from behind, he plunged a finger into her ass, almost punishingly. She cried out at the unexpected penetration and was pushed closer. He stabbed his thumb into her, punishingly.

With her arms free Esme was able to make it up on all fours and crawl away from him. She got far enough out of his grasp that his cock slipped out of her, calling attetion to the fact that she was free and on the move.

He flipped her onto her back and she responded by clawing at his chest, grabbing him by the cock and pulling him in between her legs. She maneuvered the head of his cock against the wet, warm opening between her thighs and he moaned at the pressure of her hand wrapped around his erection. The tip of his cock pressed against her pussy and his cock and her hand glistened, coated with her juice. She was sopping wet.

"Is this what you want?" she asked, her grip tightening on his cock. Almost instinctively, his hand went to her throat. She smiled and licked her lips, pulling him closer, letting the first inch of him into her. He pushed in hard and fast, sheathing himself inside her, trapping her hand between them. Esme pulled her hand away, clenched her fist against the sting of the crush. 

"That hurt," she said, shaking out her hand. Barry raised an eyebrow and she smile ruefully, her brown eyes teasing. She wrapped her legs around his hips to keep him close even as she dragged her nails down his back, this time taking away skin. Barry cried out, more at the shock of it than the sting, and tightened his grip on her neck. She had no choice but to claw instead at his hand, which was just as uncomfortable but at least predictable. When she seemed to really start to struggle with breathing he eased off, but only slightly. 

Barry let his other hand wander down between them, where he teased her clit until she was moaning and straining toward him, aching for him to put out the fire between her legs. His strokes tantalized her, and her own hips were drawn up with his backstroke, as if being lured. He kissed her suddenly, passionately. An almost brutal kiss, he bit at her mouth as he rocked into her harder, rougher. She forced her eyes open so she could watch him kiss her. There was a dark, hungry expression to them. She whimpered against his cruel biting kisses.

"Are you ready to say uncle?" he asked. He took care to avoid her clit, wanting to keep her away from the release she craved. His breathing was ragged against her mouth, and he smelled and tasted of liquor.

"Fuck you, you smug prick," she replied in a throaty whisper. 

Barry smiled and lowered his face to her breasts, pulling down one of the lacy pink cups and closing his lips around one pert nipple and sucking. She turned her head from side to side, moaning. He tugged at her nipple with his teeth, his body tensing and tightening. On the verge of cumming, he pulled out of her hot, sweet cunt and started stroking the length of his cock up and down against her clit. Her head fell back and her knees fell open as she offered herself to him. He alternated between single penetrating strokes and strokes against her clit until she cried out and her pussy started pulsing around his cock as she came. Barry stayed inside her, rode out her orgasm and the powerful waves as her pussy convulsed and she came apart beneath him.

It was all he could do not to cum. He held out, until she was done writhing and her moans of pleasure were just mews of contentment. Then he renewed his thrusting. It was only a matter of seconds and he pulled out before the moment of release, painting her hips and pussy and neatly groomed hair with the thick, white finale. Her flat stomach took a little, an errant string hit the pink lace of her bra and the exposed nipple, but most found its way between her slender thighs, the milky white liquid pale against her tanned olive skin.

He tongue peeked out to taste some that had landed on those perfect lips, and Baryr could feel something stirring again in his groin, watching her teeth scrape her bottom lip as she sucked him off her mouth.

He moved between her legs, gave her clit one last lap and brought the evidence of the deed, their mingled fluids, to her on a kiss. She opened her mouth to his tongue and shared in their taste. Barry collapsed next to her as she used the discarded scarf to wipe of the most unwieldy of his cum, then rolled over onto him. He winced as she laid an arm across his chest, where the scratches were visible both because of the angry pink welts and, in some areas, some blood spotting.

"Are you okay?" Esme asked, feeling awkward after trying something new.

"Yeah, no, that was great. That was really hot. Did I hurt you?"

"No. I mean a little." Barry's face fell, and she backtracked as quickly as she could. "A good hurt though. A sexy hurt." She kissed his wide, broad chest, finally having the opportunity to notice his sculpted body. The last time he'd had her he'd had his clothes on, had just pushed his pant down and taken her against Ben's kitchen counter. The memory sent ripple of pleasure through her body, and the feeling pooled in her pussy.

"So you liked it?"

"I loved it."

Barry smiled, and relaxed into the pillow, trying not to think about whether any ribs were broken.

"And I'd love not doing it again, too," she qualified, tentatively. A wave of relief washed over Barry, and he gathered her into his arms and kissed the top of her head tenderly. "Me, too."



Used Ch. 03



Author's Note: I know, I know. I suck hardcore. Sorry about the ridiculous wait. I blame the end of college. Thanks for the patience kids and all the wonderful feedback. You guys rock something fierce. I'll be submitting the next installment later this week (seriously...I promise!) As always, keep those comments and votes coming! ~ n4m

*********

Nate groaned in satisfaction as he collapsed onto the bed. He rolled onto his back, taking Jamie with him. 

"Damn," he breathed. 

She stared up at him. "You're still jealous."

Nate grinned. He wasn't going to admit seeing her dance with the other guy affected him. It was the day after the Sweetheart Social and he still wasn't giving in. 

"Say whatever you want, Kincaid. I ain't ever been jealous of no other man."

Jamie smiled. "Yeah, whatever." She glanced over at the clock. "Shit. It's nearly noon." She made to get up before he pressed her body closer to his. 

"What's the rush, darlin'? It's the weekend."

"Some of us actually have things to get through. I've got a campaign plan to pore over as well as some other errands." She sat up, her legs straddling him. Nate admired her dark breasts, the nipples tightening in the cool air of his bedroom. 

"Campaign plan? Whose campaign are you running?"

She laughed. "It's not like a political campaign. It's an event I'm planning with my group for my final portfolio project. For my capstone class. Why are you so interested?"

Nate shrugged. "I thought it was political. Thought maybe you'd be working alongside some stuffy ass conservative that'd try and cop a feel under your skirt."

She shook her head, smiling. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I'm public relations major, Harlow." Lifting off him, she stood up and began to search for her clothes. 

He smiled. "Makes sense. Didn't realize you were a PR major."

"Because you never asked." Clipping her bra back on, she faced him. "Wait, why are you so interested?"

He shrugged once more. "It's just a question, Kincaid. Can't a guy be curious?" He watched as she slid into her jeans and threw on her tank top. 

Running her fingers through her hair, she sighed. "Damn, I really need to bring a comb with me. Now I just look like I have sex hair."

Nate laughed. "I like your hair that way." He rose from the bed, standing naked save for navy boxer briefs. Jamie had to admit it; he was an impressive looking guy, even at twenty-two. The hard planes of his sculpted chest were beautifully tan. 

He seemed to always have a permanent tan, even in the early spring of the upstate New York weather. He was broad-shouldered and an overall fox. But Jamie decided his best feature was his eyes. They ranged from ice blue when he was irritated to a soft sky color whenever he looked at her. 

Yes, she had noticed the looks he'd been tossing her way recently. How could she avoid them? She had seen that look before with guys she messed around with. His long stares coupled with the jealousy could only mean one thing. 

Nate Harlow was falling for her. 

Jamie pulled a pair of black flip-flops out of her large black purse, slipping them on her feet. "I should be going," she said. 

He grabbed her arm, pulling her close. "Why you always runnin' away? Stay for a lil' bit."

Jamie gazed into his eyes. They were that hazy sky color again. "No time, Harlow. I gotta jet." Kissing him soundly, she winked before hurrying out the door. "Text you later," she said.

*********

In reality, Jamie could have stayed. Her group meeting wasn't until three. But she felt as if she had to get out of there. Being with Nate was becoming too...familiar. They had been hooking up for over three weeks and Jamie was feeling like a break was necessary. 

The sex was good. Actually it was amazing. But even that was starting to change. She started noticing little things, like how he tried to keep her close after climaxing. Before, he would casually move aside and let her have her space. Lately, after bringing her to a pleasurable release she would feel his strong arms snake around her, drawing her body to his. 

The act was small, insignificant. But to Jamie, it was a warning sign of things yet to come. As she left the ATO house, the sun shone brightly. It was a good day to walk and clear her head. 

She needed to process some things. Was this just an act with Nate, or was he seriously starting to feel her? Nora's words and warnings consumed her thoughts. How can he be the Nate that tries to hold me after sex and still be the asshole Nora spoke of? 

Easy, her brain replied. He's playing you, just like you're doing to him. The thought of Nate just pretending, going through the motions of "caring" made her feel oddly better about things. 

Slipping on her earphones, Jamie let the sounds of Massive Attack's Teardrop soothe her as she walked slowly back to her apartment. 

She tried to avoid the niggling voice in the back of her mind; the one that told her she wasn't fooling anyone. 

*********

Two weeks later...

"Congratulations, Mr. Harlow. It appears everything is in order."

Nate gave his academic advisor a toothy smile. "Seriously, Dr. Pearson?"

The older gentleman nodded, his watery green eyes sparkling. "Indeed young man. You are all set to graduate, and with honors. You can pick up your chords at the bookstore." He extended his hand. "Again, congratulations Nate. You've done so well."

Nate shook Dr. Pearson's hand soundly. "I couldn't have done it without your guidance, Dr. P. I owe you one."

Dr. Pearson laughed a hearty sound that filled his already cluttered office. "I certainly will take you up on that offer someday, Nate. Remember your old professor when you're making those millions."

Grabbing the blue backpack at his feet, he stood. Saluting the elder professional once more, he left the office. He couldn't help the grin that slowly spread on his handsome face. It was amazing how things were falling into place. After four years of hard work, he was graduating at the top of his business class. 

Nate's fraternity brothers were amazed at how he managed to perform all his president duties as well as the extracurricular activities while still pulling off a 3.8 GPA. He supposed he had his father to thank for that. 

After his mother succumbed to breast cancer when he was only nine years old, Nate watched his father struggle to grieve properly for his beloved and still care for his only child. 

He quit his job as a tax attorney in a prestigious firm to take a larger salary cut, working as a professor in a local college back in Tennessee to assure that his summers and vacations were spent with his son. 

Their existence was a relatively happy one. Trent Harlow made sure his son wanted for nothing and had everything necessary to achieve. He stressed the importance of academics and learning about the world. Nate remembered while his friends spent summers at baseball and basketball camps, he was going to the local museums and writing weekly book reports. 

He had the reputation of being a likeable kid, but somewhat of a bookworm. His blond hair was on the long side and slightly unkempt, his beautiful blue eyes hidden behind black frame glasses. Girls found him aloof, yet adorable. Growing up, he was always on the lanky side, and with his father's insistence, he worked out regularly. 

"A healthy brain needs a healthy body," Trent would tell him. 

When it came to role models, Nate couldn't think of anyone better than his father. Since the death of his mother, his father was cooler than any superhero. He was smart, charming, and handsome. 

There was only one problem: his love life. Trent Harlow found it increasingly difficult to date after his wife's death. Nate couldn't understand, even at his young age, how someone as amazing as his father couldn't keep a steady girlfriend. He seemed to find all the bad apples in Nashville. 

"These modern women have no use for an old-school guy like me," he would say to Nate after coming home from another dismal outing. Nate would see his father get his heart stomped on by women time after time, but his resilient nature wouldn't allow him to quit. Trent also stressed respect for women to his son. "Don't let a few sully your viewpoint, son. A good woman just takes time to come around. I got lucky once, maybe there's second round in there."

He would be lying if he said that watching his father strike out with women didn't leave him bitter. He questioned how other people didn't seem to care about love and it was practically thrown in their direction, while his father longed for a companion and continually found himself coming up short. 

The elder Harlow eventually settled himself into a comfortable pattern. He began to write novels; nothing big, just mysteries and thrillers. Eventually Nate's father was published and two of his books became minor bestsellers. With his earnings he was able to pay in full for Nate's tuition. 

Though his way was paid, Trent wanted his son to work. "My son will know the value of a dollar," he said in that faux-gruff voice Nate had come to love. During his freshman and sophomore years he was a student aid in the design lab. He was carrying a full course-load, working, and pledging Alpha Theta Omega. It was hard work, but he did it because he knew he had to. 

Being in New York was like being transported to a different country. There were rich kids in Nashville, but not like this. Kids at his upstate university acted like things had to be given to them on a silver platter. He didn't think many of them worked a day in their life. As he walked out of the Business building, he couldn't help the slow smile that spread on his face. He couldn't wait to call his father and relay the news. 

Even more than his dad, he wanted to tell Jamie. It was weird, the way he suddenly wanted to include her in other aspects of his life besides just the bedroom. He could feel himself slowly getting used to being with her, and maybe that wasn't a bad thing. 

No, the problem would be getting her to lift the 'no attachments' ban. 

If anyone had said that he would ever be hung up on a girl, he would have just laughed. He was Nathan Harlow, dammit! Girls practically fell at his feet since puberty hit and he lost the glasses. The city girls at Colson University adored his Southern twang and gentlemanly charms. Though he was known to "fuck 'em and forget 'em", he still had the reputation as a decent guy. 

The longest relationship he'd ever had was with Christa Phelps. For two months, Nate was stifled by her manipulating and demanding behavior. Christa made him think he was control when all along, she held the reins. In the end, she dumped him like yesterday's garbage, cheating on him one night at an ATC party and blaming him for it. 

Nate wasn't surprised at her callous behavior; he had come to expect that sort of thing with relationships. Girls pretended to be sweet and innocent, but he knew better. They were snakes in disguise, at least the majority that he'd hooked up with. 

And then there was Jamie, who was upfront about her intentions. Nate thought he'd be able to set aside feelings in the midst of passion, but he couldn't predict that he would start to feel something other than lust for the girl. He didn't even know much about her! 

He couldn't deny the way his body seemed to fit hers. The curve of her waist, the slope of her sinewy form; the way her dark legs fit perfectly around his waist. Her chestnut eyes always held a mystery behind them, as if she knew something he didn't. He loved kissing her lips, like two dusky pillows invading his thoughts nearly every moment of the day. 

When he wasn't with her, he spent hours fantasizing about what to do to her when next they met. He smelled her in his sheets, and days after hooking up he swore he could still taste remnants of her on his lips. 

It had been at least three or four days since he heard from her. Nate figured it was due to both of them being busy. Finals week was looming ever closer and graduation wasn't too far behind. Time to wrap up loose ends.

Nate sighed. It was time to figure things out once and for all. He needed to talk to Jamie, figure out where she stood in all this. 

Maybe then he could understand why he couldn't stop thinking about making her his for real. *********

"Maybe I need to get some new friends," Jamie huffed loudly. "You know, ones that don't belong to a sorority."

Nora laughed. "Dude, I promise this is the last function I drag you to." 

"Don't worry, Nora. It's not you who's making me go this time."

Nora stopped brushing her hair, the round brush hanging mid-air. "You mean Nate actually asked you to be his date?" She stared at her roommate through her vanity mirror. 

Jamie plopped down on Nora's bed, smiling at the hot pink comforter set. "Yeah, he did. I said yes just to shut him up. And now I have to get dressed up for some ridiculous formal."

She was referring to the Greek Formal, the end of the year banquet that invited all the Greek organizations on campus to come together and celebrate. Awards were given out for the most philanthropic house and the like. It was a nice way for the houses to get together and show off. 

Jamie had resigned herself to Nate going stag and showing up later that night. She was taken aback and had said yes out of shock.

"Wow," Nora remarked as she swept her blond curls into an elegant chignon. "I didn't think he had the balls to do that."

"Me either." 

Nora eyed her roommate. "So, are you going to let him know tonight?"

Jamie knew where this was headed. "Let him know what?"

"That you have feelings for him."

"Nora, can we please just for one night squash the Nate Harlow-Jamie Kincaid love saga?"

"Hmm, that may be hard to do. Seeing as how you're going with him to one of the biggest Greek functions of the school year."

Jamie rose from the bed. "I only said yes because I figured he was going to come over later tonight anyway. And you know what? Hanging out with him isn't so bad. He's actually a decent guy."

"Yeah? I'm surprised you've gathered all of this 'nice guy' information. Apparently you really can learn a lot about someone while you're on your back." Nora gasped and covered her mouth. 

Jamie felt as if her roommate had slapped her. 

"Jamie, honey I'm so sorry," she started. "I didn't mean..."

"Is that how you really think of me? That I'm just some dumb whore?"

Nora shook her head hard, tears threatening to spill from her amber eyes. "No, I didn't mean to hurt you. I—I'm just really worried about you is all. I can't stand to sit back and watch you make a big mistake. Nate is a mistake, Jamie. A huge one. You're going to get hurt."

"You know whenever you talk about a new guy or whatever I don't bash him, even when I think he's absolutely wrong for you." Jamie could feel her throat beginning to seize. She and Nora never fought. "But I would have never implied you were a whore."

Jamie stalked to the doorway. 

"Jay!" Nora called after her. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

Jamie whipped around. "I am so SICK of people judging me for my actions. I'm tired of everyone acting as if I'm this mousy moon-eyed twit who doesn't see Nate Harlow for who he is. Nate has been upfront with me all along. Can I really say the same thing about you?"

"Yeah, you can." Nora replied. "I didn't say you were a whore, Jay. I said you can't base a ballpark theory like that just on a relationship that is purely sexual. You can't even call what you guys are doing a relationship. It's just basically fucking and hiding feelings."

"Well, we all can't be the sweet virgins, can we?" Jamie shot back. "I need to be away from you right now. Don't worry; I'll keep my distance from you tonight. Wouldn't want the skank to soil your white dress." She left quickly, slamming Nora's bedroom door. 

*********

Stepping out of the shower, Nate wrapped the dark towel around his waist. He was lucky; as President of ATO he had a private bathroom. The new brothers and the rest had to share communal bathrooms. 

Nate could remember what that place looked like; it was a warzone on an average night, but the night of the Greek formal, it was even worse. 

He slipped on a pair of black boxer briefs and flicked a piece of lint off his tailored suit, mentally thanking his father for his advice. "A man should have one good suit, and a host of damn shirts to mix and match," Trent Harlow would say to his son. 

It was the one splurge he knew he would actually get some good use out of. It cost a pretty penny, the slate grey Gucci suit, but it was definitely worth it. 

Nate was nearly dressed, buttoning his dark navy blue dress shirt when there was a knock at the door. "Yeah?" he called out. 

The door opened to reveal a very dapper looking Matt in a well-cut black suit. "Hey man, you almost ready?"

Nate nodded. "Yeah," he replied, shrugging on his suit jacket. "How are we getting to the hotel?"

Matt smiled. "Glad you asked, dude. As President and Vice President of Alpha Theta Omega, you and I will be accompanied by Daniel Eisenberg better known as our social chair in our stretch limousine along with our smoking hot dates. The rest of the senior members will be there as well. As for the rest of the brothers? I told them to catch rides or hoof it. No matter, 'cause we'll be showing up in style dude!"

Nate laughed. "I gotta hand it to you, Matt. You definitely know how to sell an idea. Anyway, who you takin' to the formal? I haven't heard you mention any lovely ladies."

Matt's blue eyes twinkled. "Ahh, well see it's a surprise. Actually it's a surprise for all."

"You didn't hire an escort like last time, did you? We all know how well that turned out." Nate was referring to last year's Greek Formal when Matt decided hiring a date would be like playing Hot Girl Roulette, except he definitely did not win that time.  

Nate laughed as his friend shuddered audibly. "Nah, I have definitely learned my lesson with that one. No. A good friend of mine Brea is hooking me up with her twin sister Bryn."

Nate whistled. "Brea Sinclair? That girl is fuckin' gorgeous. Nice one man."

Matt smiled gleefully. "Dude, I know! And she's her twin, so you know she'll be slamming. I'm getting some tonight." He cast Nate a sly glance. "Speaking of getting some, where's your girl? I thought you'd have your hands full right now."

"Nah, she's gettin' ready for tonight."

"Wait, Jamie's your date?"

Nate dabbed on his favorite Versace cologne. "Yeah, she is. Is that a problem?" "No," Matt replied. "I just didn't think you guys were rolling like that."

"Rollin' like what?"

Matt shrugged. "Oh, you know. I didn't realize things were relationship-serious."

"I'm not sure where things are right now, man. We're just having fun."

"I got you, dude. But how long have we known each other?"

"Since freshman year when you held my legs during the keg stand at that first pledge party."

They laughed. "See," Matt said. "I always got your back. That's why I'm going to give you a bit of advice: this chick, she's just another Christa."

"What?"

"Dude, I'm serious. The only difference is that at least she's honest about using you."

"What the hell would she be usin' me for? Free liquor and party invites?" Nate could feel himself getting irritated and he tried to keep to keep it in check. 

Matt held up his hands in a surrender gesture. "Don't shoot the messenger, man. We've just been noticing things, is all...and hearing things. It's not like you guys have been out on an actual date, right? It's just sex, Nate. Plain and simple. The fact you're getting so worked up about it leads me to believe that you might want more from it."

So the whole fraternity had been talking about him behind his back. "Well Matt, you and the other ladies need to pull up your skirts and finish this gossip tea party. What I do with Jamie Kincaid is my own damn business and no one else's." He hesitated for a moment. "That bein' said, I appreciate you havin' my back. But believe me; I can handle someone like her."




Used Ch. 03



Barry dragged his eyes open, noticing the DVD they'd been watching had stopped and the TV was now black, but making a small humming noise. A look down at the other side of the couch confirmed Esme was asleep, her legs tucked underneath her. Their romantic winter weekend getaway had been a success so far, but he still felt like she was holding back. It was hard to blame her, when he felt like he was holding back, too. 

Barry sat up, and she stirred, the first sign a flutter of long dark eyelashes, the hint of an unexpected smile. "We've wasted the day," he said, leaning across the couch and brushing a kiss against her neck. She shivered in response, breathed in. "I disagree," she muttered. "I think we've got a lot done. We had a hugely busy morning."

Barry grinned, they'd spent the morning fucking on a king-sized bed on top of an impossibly soft down comforter next to a the roaring fire in the guest bedroom. He would say one thing for his uncle—the man knew how to live right, and while his cabin three hours outside of town at a remote lake was nothing compared to his home on the inlet in town, it was nothing to scoff at. 

It was only five but the sun had set, and a glance outside at the steam coming from the spa outdoors confirmed it had heated fully. He glanced down at Esme, who had never really opened her eyes, and pinched under her ribs. "Go get your suit, I'll grab some champagne and we'll meet in the hot tub." 

This perked her up, and she looked at him from under hooded lashes. "What are we celebrating?"

Barry leaned in, brushed his lips against hers. "We're celebrating our first romantic weekend together."

Esme tried not to let her heart jump at the thought of more weekends with him, and instead busied herself, pulling up off the couch, wobbling slightly after first standing as sleep hadn't quite let go.

"I forgot to pack shorts so I'll change in my uncle's room, and I'll meet you out there—" 

Esme nodded and disappeared down the hallway into one of three guest bedrooms, separate from the master suite on the opposite side of the cabin. The fire they had kept going through a lazy day in bed had burnt itself down to crackling embers, so she carefully placed another log in the fireplace before stripping off her sweats and slipping into her bikini—a white strapless number. She grabbed a couple plush towels from the bathroom, then headed for the door, then thought better of it and made her way back to the bathroom. Her mascara and eyeliner had made it through, but she swiped a coat of coral gloss over her lips and pulled her curls up into a clip at the back of her head. 

By the time she'd finished primping, Barry had made it into the hot tub. He'd set a bottle of champagne and two flutes out on a table. Esme opened the sliding glass door that led from the living room off onto the balcony, and shivered against the cold. She tiptoed across the snow-covered patio as fast as she could, dumping the towels onto a nearby hook and creeping up the ladder to the hot tub.

"Wait there, don't get in yet," Barry said, his eyes clouded with desire. Esme sat shivering on the edge of the tub, only her shins immersed in what felt like impossibly hot water. Barry made his way over to her, sliding his hands up her calves, under her knees, and along the inside of her thighs, pushing her legs open wider. She shivered at the same time that heat raced through her, centering between her legs. "Em," he whispered, sliding a finger into her bikini bottom and pulling the fabric aside. A shock of cold air assaulted her, and she breathed in, teeth chattering. 

Esme pushed her hips forward as Barry lowered his mouth to her, first licking her once quickly, before settling his mouth over her and sucking gently on her clit. Esme's legs fell open and she reached out, grabbing onto his hair as her head fell back and he tongued her, ever more aggressively, until her knees were shaking and he finally pulled his moth away, leaving her hot and cold and needing to be filled. Barry kneeled on the bench in the tub, so that their faces were level, and lowered his mouth to hers. She could taste herself on his tongue as he kissed her and she whimpered against his mouth, shivering just as waves of heat flowed through her.

***

The motion-sensor spotlights light up the driveway as Audrey pulled her small SUV into the driveway of the lake house. Ben had always been slightly jealous of her Uncle George, but at the same time slightly in awe. A successful man, a business owner and bachelor with no shortage of pretty women willing to grace his arm, but it was the house on the lake he enjoyed the most. He and Barry and usually 4-8 other guys would typically come out here at least once a summer for a week at a time, ride jet-skis on the lake during the day, sitting around a campfire at night just bullshitting and drinking cheap beer. It was his first time out to the house with Audrey, and Ben wasn't sure if it would be the same without the guys.

It didn't help that she was in a mood. She pulled a key off the key ring and handed it to him, "I'll go get some beer before the store in town closes, just head in and turn the heat up a bit, maybe start a fire. The code is 7719."

Ben yanked the door open and practically jumped out of the truck, anxious to get some space. It had been a long drive, and the last hour had been spent sniping at each other over stupid shit, most of it related to the wedding that should have been fully planned months ago. They should have been married months ago, in Vegas, by fucking Elvis. He couldn't take her mother vetoing one more decision before he lost his shit and told the haughty bitch to mind her own business. Behind him, he heard the crunch of snow under the CRV's tires, then noticed fresh-looking tracks leading into the garage. He was sure George was in Cabo this week. He'd probably stopped by the cabin last weekend to check on things at the house, make sure the property was undisturbed.

Ben jogged up the front steps and slid the key into the lock, hearing the chirp of the system as he opened the door. He was punching in the code when he realized he hadn't needed to turn on any lights to see. He looked around the entryway, saw two coats hanging, one a purple North Face that certainly didn't belong to George. "Shit," he muttered, then remembered the tire tracks and headed for the door to the garage, fully expecting to see Barry's truck when he opened the door. So it was a shock to see a familiar looking SUV, complete with the tell-tale dent where she has hit a pole driving off the dealership. Esme. His heart jumped to his throat, and confusion didn't have a chance to settle in before his fists were clenched and he was cursing the one person he had trusted without implicitly not to sneak behind his back to fuck his girl. No, Barry would go after the girl you wanted right in front of you, like it was some sick competition that no one was guaranteed to win—but he'd never not been open about it.

Ben closed the door to the garage lightly, not wanting to draw attention to his arrival. His heart was racing at the thought of seeing her—it had been months—and the realization that it was too late for either he and Audrey or Barry and Esme to head back into town. They were at least stuck in the same house until morning, which was a shame since he'd never had anything but positive memories for this house. 

Ben peeked into the master bedroom, looking for signs of baggage, but didn't see any so he continued toward the living room, where the lights were off and a bowl of half-eaten popcorn rested on the coffee table. She liked her popcorn without butter—the weight thing was all consuming with her—but for some reason loaded with salt. The worst was the nights that required garlic salt on the popcorn, when they both woke up in the middle of the night, reaching out for each other instinctively, until they were both panting and the whole room smelled like an Italian kitchen.

Snap out of it, Ben, he told himself, staying in the shadows as he stepped tentatively toward the sliding glass doors to the porch immediately behind the house. They were in the hot tub, and the lights were on outside. Ben stayed in the shadow as he watched. Barry was kissing her, and Esme had her back toward the door, her arms thrown around his shoulders. She was impossibly tan for this time of year—not spray-tan orange, but real skin-cancer making brown created only from UV rays. Her hair, those long wild gypsy curls, were pulled into a clip. Each vertebra was visible along the line of her back, and his fingers danced absently as he recalled the feel of each one under his his touch. 

It had been so long, but one develops memory of those moments, that come back and seep in when you least expect it. The wiff of Coco when she is nowhere around. The feel of her hair brushing against your ear as you sit alone on your couch, the memory of her disconcerting, where she was always a comfort. What had gone wrong? He couldn't say, except to say that nothing had ever gone right with them. 

As he watched her legs fell even wider apart, and he could tell by the way her head fell backward that Barry was fingering her, sliding his fingers into her that tight pussy. Barry's free hand released the clasp on her bikini top, and the white material slid to the snow-covered porch. Ben wondered absently how many minutes had passed, how much longer before Audrey showed up and found him watching her brother finger-fuck some girl in the hot tub. But town was a 15 minute drive in the summer months, he had time. What he was going to do with that time, he didn't know. Stand here and watch his best friend fuck his girlfriend? Ex-girlfriend. He'd fucked her on-and-off for years, been inside her more times than he could count. When did she become up for grabs among his fucking friends? Fucking Barry. She was fucking Barry.

Ben watched as Barry maneuvered her, so that she was facing the house. Ben stepped back further into the shadows, not wanting to be scene. She was shivering, her nipples tight little buds from desire or the cold or both. It wasn't fair, that her face could look just the same as it did all those times when she'd been fucking him. It wasn't fair that she was fucking someone else, and that he could see every movement replicated for someone else. For fucking Barry. Fuck. Barry. 

He wanted to go out there screaming, pull him off her, demand to know what the fuck was going on. And he wanted to watch. He was watching and he wanted to keep watching, and so he kept quite, aware of the hardening of his cock as he watched Esme's breast bounce and Barry slid into her, over and over, his mouth open, his expression looking pained. He was trying not to cum, Ben could tell, because you had to try. You had to force yourself not to unload the second you slid inside her.

Barry grabbed a fistful of Esme's hair, pulling her head back and kissing her. He back arched and those tits were on full display. Ben slid a hand over the front of his pants, repositioning his growing cock, and breathed in as Esme's hair came loose from the clip, and curls as dark as coffee fell down, obscuring his view of her perfect little tits. He could see her lips moving as Barry moved behind her, could almost hear the words he could see her lips form. "Fuck me. Please, fuck me." He could hear her voice in his head, breathless and raspy, urging him on.

The living room wasn't pitch black, there was light coming from the fireplace, but he hadn't been worried about being spotted. They were too absorbed to see him, not even conscious they should be looking, out in the middle of nowhere. But he must have moved, or she must have felt him, because out of nowhere she looked up, looked into the house. She saw him, he knew, because their eyes made contact before her mouth fell open she started to shake, and she came for him, one more time.



Used Ch. 03



"Alright Nate, no problem man" Matt said. Slapping his brother soundly on the back, he smiled. "You ready to have fun tonight?"

As the two left the room, the accuracy of that statement hung in the air.

*********

Being in the limo was one of the most uncomfortable experiences Jamie had since...well, the limo at prom except this time instead of sitting in the back of a rusty black limo trying to keep her date from groping her, she was chilling in a huge Hummer limo decorated as if the designer was trying to capture Vegas on wheels. 

The car was a garish gas-guzzler: too many lights, too much mirrors, and a mini dancer's pole in the middle. She watched as the senior members of Alpha Theta Omega and their similar-looking dates popped open bottles of champagne and jockeyed for who would dance on the pole next.

She was seated next to Nate, who looked too handsome in his designer suit. He was sipping champagne and talking to one of his brothers. He was surprised at how easy it was for her to put together an outfit at such short notice. Her lacy navy blue cocktail dress with it A-line hem complimented his suit well, purely by accident as she had no idea what he was wearing. She was wearing kicky silver stilettos and had a pair of black flip-flops in her bag, just in case. 

Jamie glanced over at Nora, who was seated with Danny across from her. They hadn't spoken since their earlier falling out. Jamie thought it was a bit ridiculous, seeing as how they both waited on the corner by their apartment building for the limo to pick them up. She had to admit Nora looked beautiful, in her own way, wearing her signature pink; this time in a slinky rose-colored halter cocktail dress and pink sandals. 

Nora was avoiding her eyes, instead pretending to hold a conversation with one of her sisters who was dating the ATO treasurer. She held onto to Danny's hand, stroking it softly and tried to look interested in the conversation with her overly bubbly sister. 

Once again, Jamie sighed. She hated fighting with people. She made a mental note to talk to Nora later tonight. Deep down she knew Nora didn't mean to sound like...well, like Jamie. Jamie knew that if the shoe was on the other foot, if Danny was playing Nora, she would have cut his ass down in a heartbeat. 

She stole a furtive glance at Nate, who was still talking casually. Was this for real? Could she really see herself with someone like him? He was just another frat asshole...right? Shallow, self-absorbed, borderline alcoholic. What did he really have going for him besides his smoldering looks and spot-on sex appeal? 

Why did it matter, she thought to herself. School would be over in less than two weeks. Nate would go back to whatever hole he crawled out of and she would never see him again. It was just best to fuck him now, enjoy everything while she still had a chance, and send him packing. No muss, no fuss. 

If only she really felt that way. It was becoming increasingly difficult to fight the growing desire for attachment and stability. 

Jamie looked down suddenly when she felt his warm hand cover hers. She looked back up at him. He was still talking to his brother as his fingers began to softly stroke her skin. Part of her wanted to pull away. The gesture was so...intimate. There was a bigger part that craved the attention. The gesture was so...intimate. 

Nate had noticed the soft sighs that escaped her lips. He also took in the scene when the Hummer stopped in front of her apartment building. She was standing far away from Nora, an obvious sign that the two of them had words. Her whole manner seemed distant tonight, like she was there but not really. 

So he did the first thing he could think of. He wanted to touch her, and badly since she first ambled her way into the limo. She looked stunning; he could literally feel the breath escaping him, fleeing the confines of his lips along with his words and sense of reasoning. 

Excusing himself from the conversation, he leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Are you alright, Jamie?"

She nodded, making another mental note that he seemed to stop his habit of calling her by her last name. "I'm fine Harlow. Just preparing myself for another mindless Greek function."

Nate knew somehow she wasn't telling the absolute truth. "I see. Well, I got somethin' planned for the two of us later tonight, okay?"

Jamie glanced over at him; his beautiful eyes had taken on the soft sky color that seemed to be reserved just for her. He grasped her chin gently in his hands as he planted a soft kiss on her lips, much to the whoops and hollers of the rest of the people in the limo. 

Nate grinned sheepishly and jostled the brother sitting next to him. Jamie couldn't help the slow smile that spread on her face, which ended abruptly when her eyes met with Nora's, who was watching the scene play out. There was an undetectable emotion written on her face. She looked as if she wanted to say something; instead she folded her arms across her chest and stared out into the blackness of the late-April evening. 

Jamie shrugged. There was no need to worry about that now. She needed to concentrate on trying to have a good time and pretend to enjoy the fleeting feelings of happiness. 

*********

When the limo pulled up to the Citron Hotel, Jamie couldn't help the gasp that tumbled out. The place was nothing short of majestic. Nestled right outside of the city, the place mimicked the glamour of old-school Hollywood from an East Coast perspective.  

The stone building had high windows encased in turrets of gilded gold and wood. Vines of ivy wrapped around the hotel like a verdant barrier. 

Nate held his hand out to help her from the Hummer. "What do you think?"

"It's gorgeous."

He smiled. "Yeah, a friend of mine works here. Gave me an amazing discount."

She turned to him as they walked up the gravel driveway. "You planned the Greek Formal?"

He nodded. "Me and the rest of the house presidents. It's part of our job."

"Well, congratulations. It's amazing."

"Glad you approve, Ms. Kincaid." He extended his arm, which she took. "Now what do you say we get in there and have a good time?"

*********

Jamie had to admit it; the evening was going rather well. Nate was the perfect gentleman and dinner companion. The hall looked fabulous and it was a nice change to see the Greeks out of their normal popped-collared polos and miniskirts. 

She even clapped loudly when Nate received the award for Outstanding Community Service. Jamie noticed there were many female voices catcalling Nate when he went up to receive his award. She tried her best not to shoot warning looks to the females in the room. Get a hold of yourself, she kept repeating. 

It was weird. She never imagined she'd be spending one of her last weekends as a college undergrad in a swanky hotel packed to the rafters with Greeks. And yet, there was this sweeping sensation of calm and 'just right' feelings that invaded her being, reassuring her that things were as they should be. 

It was unsettling and thrilling at the same time. 

That was the only way she could describe things now, as Nate cradled her body to his as they swayed on the dance floor. Jamie could hear his heart beat, the quick pulse making him seem nervous. 

The song changed into a slow one, the beautifully sparse melody of The Perishers Nothing Like You and I filled the ballroom and made Jamie ache. It was one of her favorites. 

She felt her body responding to Nate's touch as he drew her closer to him, his hands tightening around her waist. She shivered when he lowered his mouth to her ear. "You feel so good, darlin'," he moaned. His teeth nipped bluntly at her earlobe. 

Tiny shocks of pleasure zipped through her body, her nerve endings on high alert. "Harlow," she whispered. She wrapped her arms around his neck as they continued to dance to the song. 

We spent some time together drinking Spent some time just thinking about days of joy As our hearts started beating faster I recalled your laughter from long ago There's nothing like you and I So why do I even try There's nothing like you and I...

"I've got a room upstairs waitin' for us," he said, his blue eyes darkening. "Let's go." Taking her hand, he led her out of the ballroom to the elevators in the lobby. 

*********

Nate was nervous as he unlocked the door to the hotel room. Opening the door, he grabbed her hand once more, leading her into the large room. 

Jamie was impressed. The room was decorated with dark woods and rich colors. The large king-sized bed was dressed in burgundy and gold with several burgundy and gold pillows adorning it. 

He pulled her close, inhaling that spicy scent he recognized as purely hers. Up until now, he hadn't said much to her; he was too afraid, too scared to admit his true feelings. Somehow the rest of him knew that they were on borrowed time, that she wasn't his to keep. 

He knew that he needed to make the most of it. 

Nate kissed the bare skin of her shoulder blade as his fingers nimbly undid the zipper on her dress. Jamie stepped out of the material when it pooled at her feet. 

She grabbed the front of his shirt, drawing his lips closer to hers. When the softness of his sensuous lips met hers, she moaned, the sound instantly becoming his. Nate wrapped his arms around her curvy waist, enjoying the way her dark body molded his just right. 

His hands traveled to unhook her bra, sliding the silky material down her shoulders as his thumbs grazed over her dark nipples. 

He kissed them softly, taking the hardening buds into his mouth and sucking slowly. Jamie moaned, her hands fanning out over his broad muscular back, aching for something to grab ahold of. 

"God, Nate" she breathed as he kissed between her breasts. "I want you."

She unbuttoned his dress shirt, sliding the material over the hard planes of his sculpted chest. Admit it girl, her mind screamed. You're addicted to what he does to you. 

Unzipping his pants, she lovingly took out his hard cock, the pale shaft pulsing hotly in her hand. 

Nate groaned as he ran his fingers through her hair, the silken tresses sliding softly through his fingers. 

"Show him how much you like him, baby" he cooed. 

Jamie sank to her knees. God, he tastes so good, she thought as she slipped his throbbing tool into her waiting mouth. Nate groaned once more as the wet warmth of her mouth invaded his senses and sent thrilling shocks of pleasure to every nerve in his system. 

She cupped his balls as her other hand gripped his thick saliva coated cock, sliding up and down. When she swirled her tongue over the dark pink head, Nate felt his knees dip and he grabbed her shoulders for support. 

"Fuck Jamie," he moaned, practically begging as she started to hum softly. The vibrations on his head set his brain on fire, making sentence formation a fucking Herculean task. "No more, baby. I can't take it."

He lifted her up soundly and threw her over his shoulder amidst her screams. "Nate, what the fuck," she cried, unable to stop the amused tremor in her voice. 

Nate just grinned as he tossed her on the large bed, his grin growing even wider as her large breasts bounced. The look on her face was positively erotic, a cross between wanting to kick his ass and fuck him senseless. She was stark naked, the deep burgundy of the bedspread complimenting her golden brown skin. Her legs were splayed, giving him a lovely view of her shaven pussy glistening with the evidence of her arousal. 

He quickly divested himself of his clothes. Jamie admired the cut of his abs, the hard lines of his tanned body, and his shorn blond hair. A sexy shiver ran down her spine. Fucking beautiful, she thought. 

Nate noticed the hot and bothered look on her face and the fact her legs continually widened, giving him one hell of a show. He couldn't help the words that tumbled from his lips. 

"Touch it for me," he whispered. 

"What?" she asked. 

"I want you to reach down and play with that pretty brown kitty," he replied, his voice getting even huskier. Jamie didn't think she could be more turned on. Sliding her hand down her body, she shivered as her fingers came into contact with her clit. As she pinched it softly, her legs shook and she moaned loudly. 

She kept her eyes on him while she slid a dark slender finger into her tight hole. She watched his reaction, his blue-eyed gaze darkening into a sexy glare that made her body catch fire. Jamie had imagined those blue eyes each time she took herself while she was alone. 

Her fingers could never match the way his cock worked her over, making her feel every vein in his shaft, hitting so deep inside her she thought she might die. Even now, while she was thinking about it his name rolled off her lips as easily as it did when she was alone. 

With her eyes closed, she didn't realize he had moved until she felt the bed sink next to her. She opened her eyes and found his blues staring into her brown ones. His hands cupped her breast, rolling her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. 

"You gonna cum for me Jamie?" he whispered in her ear, his tongue reaching out to suck on her earlobe. 

Jamie whimpered, her fingers tapping erratically on her clit. His voice was thick with lust, his southern twang becoming heavier. 

"Do you touch yourself like this when I'm not around?" he asked, kissing the crook of her neck. 

"Y-yes," she breathed. 

"Are you hot for me, baby. You want me inside that pussy?" 

Jamie moaned and bucked her hips when she felt his finger slide inside of her wet channel. Her fingers left her clit to brace his muscular forearm. 

Nate lifted her hand to his lips, tasting her spicy sweetness. Jamie shivered at the look of pure ecstasy on his handsome face. "Mmm, you taste so fuckin' good darlin', I just have to share it." 

His lips met with hers, their tongues connecting as his thumb made wide circles around her little nub, their moans loud. 

"Fuck," Jamie whispered against his lips when he added another finger inside her. "I'm going to cum Nate."

Her hips tapped out a frantic rhythm against his fingers as her legs began to shake. 

Nate smiled. "The quicker you cum, darlin' the sooner you'll have this cock inside you."

"Ohhh," Jamie moaned as her pussy tightened. She threw her head back and whimpered as she exploded. "Fuck," she breathed her voice shaky. 

His fingers left her, his mouth dying for another taste of her. He reached for the tony package on the nightstand, ripping it open and sheathing himself with the condom. 

He was on her immediately, his achingly hard cock sliding into her warm core. "Fuckin' hell" he groaned. She was so tight, her pussy gripping him almost painfully in the most pleasurable way. His heart was pounding so hard he thought it would burst from his chest.

If there was any specific way a man would choose to go, he supposed between the legs of a woman, especially a woman like Jamie Kincaid would be the best option. 

Nate stared into her eyes, the lust in them threatening to spill over. His heart gave another lurch and he bit back the words of caring that dared to spew forth. 

"How do you want it, darlin'?" he drawled. 

"Hard and fast, Harlow" she said huskily. "Can you handle it" she whispered playfully. 

He grinded slow into her, turning her sass into moans. "Never underestimate Nate Harlow, darlin'."

Jamie wrapped her legs around his trim waist as he moved quickly, his cock pounding in and out of her. Her hands cupped her breasts, tugging on her nipples. 

"That's it, baby. Play with them for me." Nate pulled out, his fingers stroking her twice before he rammed his cock back into her sopping slit. 

"Fuck," Jamie hissed. His dick grinded her sex, his pelvis mashed against her clit, the movement spreading a lusty fire that threatened to consume her entire being. 

"You like that," he stated. 

"I've had better," she managed to gasp out. The grin plastered on her face was positively wicked. 

"Oh really," Nate countered. Sliding out of her wetness, he rolled her onto her stomach. Before she even realized what was happening, he was spreading her legs wide and plunging himself roughly into her channel. 

Jamie arched her back as tears of pleasure spilled down her cheeks. Nate smiled into the crook of her neck as he heard the chant of "Fuck fuck fuck" shoot from her lips. He didn't care if she didn't say he was the best she'd ever had. He already knew that. 

"You like that," he whispered, his cock pounding into her. "You can't get enough of me."

Her response was only to arch her back further, pressing her pussy harder into him. When she clenched her muscles, it was his turn to moan loudly. 

"Fuck," he cried out. He grabbed her hair and tugged her face towards him. She gave him a sinful smile. 

"You like that," she countered. "You can't get enough of me."

Her words hit home. A truer word was never spoken. 

He kissed her lips, a sliver of desperate caring hidden behind it. "I'm goin' to cum Jamie" he whispered against her lips. "Cum with me,"

He groaned as he thrust powerfully into her one last time. As he came, he sank his teeth into the meaty part of her shoulder. Jamie let out a guttural moan as she felt her body ignite. She began to roll her hips as her body shook. 

Nate collapsed against her, their bodies slick with sweat. 

Jamie could feel his heartbeat pounding against her back. His hands were still clasped around her hips, his cock softening inside of her. 

Oddly enough, she didn't feel the need to run away just yet. 

With a soft pop, Nate reluctantly slid out of her wetness. Rolling onto his back, Nate disposed of the condom in the wastebasket by the bed and sighed. 

Jamie was quiet as her brain tried to process everything. Were things supposed to feel this...awkward? Sitting up, she brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her brown arms around them. Her body felt light and she secretly missed the feeling of him pressed hard against her. 

"Did you enjoy yourself tonight," he whispered. 

Jamie nodded, although she refused to look at him. "I did," she replied in a small voice. "Thanks for inviting me."

"No problem," he said. He could feel the word vomit threatening to spew. The words tumbled from his lips before he could stop himself. "Jamie, let me ask you somethin'. What is this?"

"What?" she asked. She turned to face him. He was propped up on his elbows, his sky blue eyes focused on her. 

"What is this" he asked again. "What do we call this thing we have?"

"Nate, can we not talk about this right now?" She silently prayed for him not to ruin the moment. I just want to run away, she thought. 

"I think now would be the right time to do this. I finally got you sittin' down. Seems like if I'm not fuckin' you, I'm watchin' you walk out the door."

"What the hell are you talking about, Harlow?" was her tart response, although she already knew.

"You know exactly what the hell I'm talkin' about Jamie," he replied. "Unless it's for sex, you haven't made time for me an' I'm startin' to get a little offended."

Was he for real? "Are you serious Harlow? What about the friends with benefit thing do you not understand?"

Nate scoffed. "I guess I can't understand how you can call us FWBs considerin' I ain't even one of your friends. You can't really befriend someone that fucked you in a frat house bathroom the first night you meet him anyway."

Jamie rose from the bed, her anger seething. "So, this is my fault then?"

"You made the terms darlin'. I'm just followin' the rules."

Jamie was heated. Searching the room, she gathered her clothes before slipping on her bra and panties. "You know why I set those terms, Harlow? To provide a barrier to prevent getting too close to an asshole like you. Everyone told me I was going to regret fucking you. God, I am so fucking stupid." She zipped up her dress. "I knew you were a selfish prick, right from the start, but I thought it was sexy. My mistake."




Used Ch. 03



Nate jumped from the bed and started to put his clothes back on. "Oh, don't make yourself out to be some innocent little victim," he spat. "You're just as guilty as I am." He buttoned his dress shirt and glared at her. 

"The only thing I'm guilty of is fucking a guy who really was not worth it. That's you, by the way. I realize that frat boy brain of yours is slow, so I'll break shit down for you."

Nate laughed. "You think you've got shit figured out. You think you know me by what you assume. You listen to things you've heard, things other people tell you." He stepped closer to her. "Tell me something Jamie. Even after all the stuff you heard about me—that I'm an asshole with a big ego and an even bigger dick—why would you still want to get involved with me?"

Jamie opened her mouth but Nate held up his hand. "I'll tell you why: because you're an even bigger asshole than I am. You wanted to prove you could dick around the infamous Nate Harlow. Beat him at his own game."

His words hit home. He was right. She had said something like that to Nora when she questioned Jamie's reasoning for hooking up with Nate in the first place. But she wasn't going to admit that to him now. 

"Yeah, so? I was right then and I'm right now. You're a pompous asshole who uses women to get what he wants."

His blue eyes darkened. Jamie shivered. It was only mere minutes ago when those same eyes were filled with lust. Now they were overtaken by an undetectable emotion. 

"You don't know a damn thing about me, darlin."

"I could say the same thing about you, Harlow" she shot back. "You didn't even bother to get to know me. You just saw someone willing to give you sex on tap and you just jumped on it."

"Again, I will point out that doin' so would have been against the terms you set so eloquently in the beginning of this ordeal. And I quote: 'Let's not fool ourselves into thinkin' this is a relationship.' I believe getting to know you would have violated those terms." 

This was not going the way he wanted. He wanted to tell her how he felt about her, not insult her. But it couldn't be helped. She was bringing out the asshole in him. 

"There's a difference between leaving feelings out and treating someone like a whore." Jamie couldn't understand why she was getting so upset. He was right. Those were her words, her terms. Part of her wished he hadn't taken her words so literally. 

"I never thought of you as a whore. Fuckin' hell Jamie, couldn't you see?" Nate felt his hands shake. He had to tell her now. 

"See what, Harlow?"

"The way I felt about you. I wanted to know you, to know what makes you tick."

"What are you saying?" 

"I'm sayin' I care, dammit." He tried to reach for her, but she pulled away. 

Fuck, she thought. It was easier to walk away from things when she thought he despised her. "I don't."

Nate stared into her eyes and she hoped the truth wasn't reflected in them. "Liar," he whispered. 

"Maybe, but does it matter?" she shot back.

"Why are you sayin' that? It does matter. It matters a lot to me. I care about you Jamie."

"What's there to care about, Harlow? Like you just said, I don't know you. And you don't know me."

He crushed her against him. "I know your body," his whispered. "I know what drives you wild." He was right. Her nipples tightened at his words and she felt that familiar heat that started at her toes begin to spread. "I care about you, darlin'. I really do."

Jamie sighed. She wanted to believe him. But she knew that being with him anymore was no longer feasible. "It doesn't matter. It can't happen anymore." She pushed away from his embrace. 

"Why not?"

"Because we're graduating. Moving on to bigger things. Did you really think anything we had together would have last?"

Nate gulped. She was right. "But..."

Jamie shook her head. "No, Nate. This isn't going to work. For a variety of reasons. Let's just shake hands, say our goodbyes and move on." She looked into his eyes and saw the flicker of hurt pass.

It shocked her. She didn't think her words would hurt him so. But it was for the best. It wasn't like they could have established a working relationship. There were too many obstacles; hell, their egos alone were a labyrinth of drama. Frankly, Jamie didn't see the value in staying in something like that. 

Nate clenched his jaw. "Fine," he muttered. "Have it your way." Grabbing up his suit jacket he gave her a curt nod. 

Steeling herself, Jamie walked out the room, hearing his footsteps following her. They rode the elevator in silence. At one point she dared to glance over at him. His jaw was still tense, his fists balled at his sides. He looked as if he wanted to hit something and hard. 

Some small part of her wanted to take back the words, maybe say them in a way that didn't hurt his feelings, but she knew it was foolish to think that. Either way, he wasn't going to like what she had to say. It's better this way, she thought. So why do I feel like shit?

The elevator dinged and the doors opened out into the lobby. Nate exited quickly, his dress shoes tapping on the floor sharply. Jamie kept a safe distance behind him. She realized she'd have to call a cab to get to her apartment that night. There's no way in hell I'd ride in that limo again, she thought. 

Nate whipped around when he heard his name being called. He turned to face a slightly drunken Matt. 

"Dude," his friend slurred. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Oh you know," Nate said. "Just with some broad." His gaze fell to Jamie, who was talking with the concierge at the front desk. 

Matt giggled. "Well, we should head out in a few. The party here is over, but we're gonna continue back at the house. You game man?" he eyed Nate 

Nate nodded. "Hell yeah. Fuck this shit. Fuck this day." He glared as he saw Jamie walking towards him. Thinking she was going to stop and talk, his anger flared as she just waltzed by him. Nate took that as the ultimate fuck you. 

Grabbing her hand, he pulled her into a scorching kiss. His body raged against him, as if promising to pay him back for this kiss because secretly it knew it would be the last of its kind. 

He pushed her away roughly. "I'm done with you," he spat angrily. "Now get the fuck out of my sight."

Pushing past her, he walked out into the cool night air.



Used Ch. 04



Packing. 

It was the only thing on her mind at the moment. Moving her life out, getting things back on track, and trying not to think about him. 

Nate. 

God, I feel like such a bitch. 

Her mind played the scene over and over again: the heated kiss filled with so much hurt and resentment, his angry brush-off. 

Jamie folded a stack of sweaters into an already stuffed duffel bag and tried to zip it up, with no success. 

Grunting, she held the sides together and she tugged hard on the zipper. 

"Dammit!" she exclaimed. 

A laugh at the door made her look up. 

Leaning against the doorjamb was her sister, her complete opposite. 

"Need some help, Jay?" Rina Kincaid smiled broadly, her light brown eyes sparkling with amusement. 

Jamie huffed. "Nah, Rina. I like almost giving myself a hernia from moving all my shit by myself. Remind me why you're here again?"

"Oh I'm just eye candy."

Jamie had to laugh. "Whatever. We all know I'm the pretty one in the family."

"Bullshit baby sister. You're lucky Dad's not here to listen to you spout those lies."

Rina picked up a cardboard box filled to the brim with paint supplies. Her sister was always crafting. "I'm sorry he couldn't make it to graduation..." Rina started. Jamie interrupted her. 

"Don't apologize, Rina. It's not your fault he had a shoot in Fallujah." Roger Kincaid was a photojournalist, traveling all over the world for his career. Jamie recalled how difficult it was trying to establish a normal existence while her father constantly traveled and moved his family around. 

Rina could see the hurt in her sister's eyes she was failing to cover up. "Hey Jay," she said trying as best as she could to pat her hand with the box awkwardly in her arms. "Don't sweat it. Cole caught every single moment on tape. We'll make an excellent DVD and send it to him."

Jamie smiled. She knew her sister was trying to make her feel better. After all, it wasn't her fault their father hated Jamie. 

If only she didn't look so much like her. The one thing controlling Roger Kincaid couldn't ever control. Rina and Jamie's mother left the family when the girls were fairly old enough to remember. 

The day played so vividly in her memory, it was as if Maureen Kincaid had walked away from her family only yesterday... 

********

Twelve year old Jamie crunched another Oreo cookie into her mouth before reaching out to chug her tall glass of milk. Humming along to Radiohead's "Nice Dream", she finished the last of the Western Civilization questions for her History review. 

The slamming of the backyard door startled her back into reality. Fifteen year old Rina sauntered into the kitchen, tossing her books on the table. "How many cookies does that make Jay? Nine?"

Jamie huffed indignantly. "Six, thanks. How many cigarettes today? Nine?"

Rina smiled, her skin glowing. "Four."

"Humph. What the hell are you so happy about?"

"Terrance Wells kissed me today by my locker." Rina flipped her long light brown hair over her slender shoulder. Jamie noticed everything about her was thin. 

They were the complete opposite of one another; it was amazing they were even related. Everything about Rina was thin, from her Anglican nose, to her thin yet pouty lips. She was tall and graceful, thanks to many years of ballet. She moved with effortless agility, a feat clumsy Jamie had yet to master. 

Jamie was short, one of the shortest in her class. She was a good forty pounds overweight with braces, black rimmed glasses and a shy half smile. Her skin was the color of sweet, freshly made caramel candies. Jamie couldn't understand why people were so enamored with her old boring sister. Sure she was pretty, but she was a pain in the ass. 

Scoffing, Jamie returned back to her homework. "Who'd want to kiss that ugly old biscuithead anyway? Terrance Wells is always rubbing up on some stupid girl."

Rina's smile dimmed. "You're just jealous. Have you even been kissed before?" She smiled superiorly at her sister's silence. "Thought so."

Jamie was about to retort when Rina shushed her. "What was that?" she asked, glancing around the room. 

She looked back at Jamie. "Are they here?"

Jamie nodded. "Course. Why do you think I have the music on?" She turned the radio off and the sounds that were drowned out before suddenly filled the room to capacity. 

Screams, the sound of flesh hitting flesh. The smashing of something heavy as it hit the wall. 

It was all so familiar, the two Kincaid girls should have been used to it. But it still sent a sliver of fear down Jamie's spine. 

Rina sighed. "How long have they been at it?"

"Since I got home at 3."

Rina glanced at her watch. "That was almost forty minutes ago. You think she would have given up by now."

Jamie glared at her sister. "Momma's a fighter."

"Course she is. That's why all this is her fault."

Jamie opened her mouth, but quickly closed it. She didn't want to discuss this with her sister. Even at the age of twelve, she knew how stubborn Rina could be when it came to their father. He was an angel in her eyes; never mind the fact he threw a couple of punches their mother's way just to "keep her in line". 

It wasn't anything too serious; a whack here if dinner wasn't finished by the time he came home; a slap there if he felt like she was talking too much. 

She knew her mother deserved better. It was only recently that her Maureen started fighting back. One day, Roger slapped her and quick as lightening Maureen's hand connected with his cheek. Jamie had witnessed it all: the look of shock on both her parents' faces and the fear that slowly crept into her mother's. 

Maureen dashed quickly up the steps before her husband could catch her, locking the bedroom door. A stunned Roger grabbed his keys and left quickly. 

After that, things started to settle down but Jamie was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Apparently today was that day.

"Just be quiet," Jamie hissed. "Maybe things will settle down."

But things were going to get far worse. 

Suddenly there was a loud crash followed by a pitiful wail. 

A door slamming open made the girls jump up. 

Maureen Kincaid came running down the steps. Her nut brown skin looked ashen and there was a small swelling cut under her eye. 

Her slender brown fingers, the same ones that taught Jamie how to mold her clay and hold a paintbrush properly now held a gray suitcase tightly in its grasp. 

She glanced around the room, as if looking at her daughters for the first time. Rina sat at the kitchen table, a slight glare on her pretty face. Jamie rose from her chair and walked over to her mother. 

"Momma?" she whispered, gingerly touching her hand. Jamie could still feel how soft her skin was. She was always playing in the lotions and potions her Momma had on her vanity table. 

Maureen looked down at her daughter's worried face. She tried to smile, but it came off as a painful grimace instead. "How's Momma's baby girl?"

"I'm fine Momma," Jamie said slowly. "Are you okay?"

Maureen shuddered slightly. "I'm good baby." Her gaze traveled back up to the stairs. "Um, Momma's goin' away for a little bit," she said, the soft Georgia twang still evident in her voice even after years of Northern living.

"When will you be coming back?"

"Not for a while, honey." Maureen went over to the owl-shaped jar Jamie had made for the house in fifth grade. Rina and Roger had made fun of it. One of the eyes was a little misshapen and it was painted in colors more suitable for a tropical parrot than a forest bird, but Maureen loved it. 

Sticking her hand in the jar, she pulled out four large wads of cash. Stuffing two into the brown purse over her shoulder, she pushed the other two into Jamie's hands. 

"Take these, honey."

"Momma..." Jamie protested. 

"Mind your Momma, Jamie-bear. This is for you. You too Rina," she said, looking at her still-silent eldest daughter. "Take care of each other."

Grabbing her backpack, Jamie stuffed the bills into the front flap. "Take me with you," she whispered to her mother. 

Maureen shook her head violently. "I..."

"There's no way in hell you're taking my children out of here." Roger Kincaid descended the steps, his voice dangerously low. 

Rina stood up quickly. "I wasn't going anywhere, Daddy." She ran to stand by her father. 

Jamie looked at her father. He looked so much like Rina. He was a handsome man; she could see why her mother fell in love with him. He was extremely light, his skin the color of coffee with more than a few generous splashes of milk in it. His wavy light brown hair and hazel eyes gave him that "passing" appearance. Yes, he was handsome; but beneath that pretty exterior lay the heart of a violent and troubled man. 

"They're my children too, Roger. I have a right."

"The hell you do. Where are you going to go? You have no money."

Maureen set her shoulders back proudly. "You don't know a damn thing about me."

"I do know one thing: you take my kids outta here and you will be sorry."

Maureen's dark brown eyes settled into a hard glare. "Well, you better make sure you kill me because I guarantee I'll get up and cut your fuckin' balls off."

Jamie was taken aback. She had never heard her mother curse before. It was amazing. She moved to stand by her mother when her father caught her swiftly. 

"No! Let me go! I want to go with Momma!" She wrestled against her father to no avail. 

"Get the hell out of here, Maureen. You want your freedom? You got it, baby. But take a good look at them, 'cause it's gonna be the last time." "Momma, no! Please don't leave me!"

Maureen's eyes filled with tears. "I'll come back for you Jamie-bear. I swear I'll come back for you."

As she left the kitchen quickly Jamie felt her little heart finally break, the tears she had cried silently late at night finally spewed forth in a long, loud wail...

********

"Jamie? Jamie, are you okay?" 

Jamie looked up to see her sister staring curiously at her. "Huh?"

"You looked like you're in it."

"I was just thinking about some stuff." Picking up the nearest box, she looked around the room. "Wow, there's not that much left."

Rina smiled. "Yeah. We've made some headway." Jamie headed out with her sister to her pearl grey Highlander parked outside the apartment building. A smile crept along her face and she chuckled softly. 

"What's up?" Rina asked. 

"Nothing. You just said I looked like I was in it. That's something Momma used to tell us all the time."

"Oh yeah, I remember that." The two sisters stacked the boxes neatly in the back of the car. "Have you visited her in a while?" 

Jamie shook her head. "Not since Christmas. Might have to pay her a visit."

They headed back into the apartment. "Well when you do, tell her I said hello." Jamie knew it was still awkward for her sister to be around their mother. Rina still felt the guilt of her childhood ignorance, choosing her father over her mother. 

"I will, Rina." Grabbing the last two boxes, the sisters headed back out to the truck. When they closed down the trunk, Rina turned to her sister. "Jamie where's Nora?" 

"Oh, she moved out since yesterday. She told me to tell you hello."

"Is everything okay with you guys?" Rina was referring to the fight she and Nora had that night of the Greek Formal. It had been nearly two weeks since the argument.

Jamie nodded. "Yeah, things are better. We worked it out." It took them nearly three days of ridiculous sulking before they both broke down and apologize. It was nice to have someone to talk to, especially after the overdramatic bust-up that was the Citron Hotel fiasco.

Just thinking about the incident made Jamie burn with embarrassment. The way she humiliated Nate...she didn't blame him for being so upset with her. She didn't pretend; she knew she was at fault. 

"Jamie, are you okay?" Rina's brown eyes were filled with concern. 

"I'm good, sis. Just thinking about some stuff." While she told her sister about the argument between her and Nora, she left out any mention of Nate. She didn't need her sister poking about for information. It would only lead to bringing up the other incident and that was definitely not happening. 

Rina stared at her pointedly. She always knew when her baby sister was lying to her, but she chose to let it alone. 

"Alright, Jay. But if you need to talk..."

"I know Rina," Jamie cut in. "I'll be fine." But Jamie could not shake the horrible rumblings in her stomach every time she thought about Nate. 

She had willed herself not to think about the situation, but it was no use. She still had some bad feelings when her mind wandered to how she treated him. Her words were cruel; true, but cruel nonetheless. 

Come on, Kincaid. Shake it off. She shook out her shoulders, trying to rid her body of the guilty thoughts swirling through her brain.

Jamie glanced around. "Where the hell is Cole?" she asked, referring to her sister's fiancé, Cole Caldwell. 

"He went to get gas like an hour ago." She whipped out her cell phone. "I should call him."

Jamie stepped back into the apartment. Walking around, she checked to make sure everything was left in perfect order. It was so weird to be moving out. It seemed like only yesterday when college started. Her father dropped her off at her dorm in Colson. He slipped 300 dollars in her hand and left abruptly, her stuff piled beside her. 

That's when she met Nora, who lived on the same floor as she. Together, the two girls hauled Jamie's belongings up to her room. Looking back, she realized how much Nora was the sister she longed for growing up. She was patient, understanding, and unfailingly sincere, characteristics her sister lacked until recently. 

Jamie found it hard to relate to her sister for a while. Until Rina left for Vassar did they reconnect. Rina realized how wrong she was about their father. 

She opened the closet in her former room, double checking. A flash of blue caught her eye. Reaching into the closet, she pulled out a blue button down shirt. It was a men's shirt. 

As she threw it over her shoulder, the scent from the shirt caught her attention. 

Lifting the garment to her nose, her mind was thrown. There was only one person who had that scent. 

Nate. 

Jamie's body went rigid, her skin immediately craving the firm touch of his caress. It was so odd, the way she responded to even the faintest of memories. 

"Jay?" 

Jamie looked up to see her sister staring curiously at her. 

"What are doing? Whose shirt is that?"

"Uh, nothing." She dropped the shirt on the now empty mattress. "Did you get Cole?"

Rina nodded. "Yeah. He was checking the tire pressure on the Benz." She grinned. "Boys and their toys. He should be here any minute now. Do you mind if we take off? Apparently Mr. Caldwell has an article he needs to get in to his editor before ten tonight." Cole was an entertainment columnist for the Washington Post.

Jamie shook her head. "No, it's cool. You guys go on ahead. I'll be able to get all of this stuff into my new apartment."

Rina pulled her sister into a big hug. "I'll see you at the house for dinner this weekend, right?"

Jamie nodded. "Of course. We've got major wedding planning to do."

Rina smiled and left quickly. Staring around at her empty apartment, Jamie picked up Nate's shirt and walked to the front door. 

After leaving her apartment keys in her mailbox, she got into her car. On the passenger seat lay a notebook and pen. 

A sad smile crossed her lips. It must be a sign. Picking up the notebook and pen, she began to write.

********

He had been avoiding her for the past two weeks. It was a social cleansing of some sort. He deleted her phone number, the dirty text messages, and the emails, everything that reminded him of her. 

Too bad he couldn't erase the memories. The ultimate Eternal Sunshine moment. His body craved her, it was intense. Nate hadn't realized how much he missed her touch until it was gone. 

Nate was angry. The nerve of the bitch. Yes, she was a bitch. Did she realize how hard it was for me to pour my heart out like that? Of course she did. That's why it was so easy for her to slide the knife in and walk away. 

Those thoughts permeated his psyche for the first couple of days. His brothers knew he was in the stormiest of moods, so no one bothered him. After coming from class, he would stomp up to his room and console his irritation with whatever alcohol was handy. 

Only after Matt and Danny threatened to kick his ass did he leave his room. 

Four days of this shit, he promised himself. That's all you'll get from me, Jamie Kincaid.

Nate was finishing up last minute packing, stuffing his black Ford F-150 pickup with every bit of his college experience it would allow. 

He was up in his room which now seemed three times larger without all the stuff inside. He had just finished a twenty minute conversation with his father who was slightly miffed his son wanted to drive from New York to Nashville. 

"Can't you just take a plane and have your stuff shipped like normal folk?" he had asked. 

Nate assured his dad that he would be fine. In reality, he wanted to clear his head and figured an impromptu road trip would be just the thing he needed. He would make some stops, take some pictures, and hoped all of that would help him to stop thinking about how good it felt being inside her. 

"Fuck," he hissed aloud. "Don't do this to yourself, Harlow." 

He picked up his blue duffel bag, the last thing in his room and headed down the stairs. 

Nate was the last one to leave the frat house. Everyone else had left quickly with hurried promises of summer get-togethers at the shore or baseball games. Only Nate took his time, his mind still lingering, clinging to the frail hope that something good will happen to make this year not seem like the shitshow it actually was. 

The only bright spot was graduation. Nate had graduated at the top of his class. He could still remember the wide grin his father sported the entire day. It was a good day. But even as he walked up the stage steps to receive his diploma, his mind was on Jamie: what she was doing, what she was thinking, or if she was even sorry about the way things went down. 

You've still got it bad Harlow, his brain chided. 

Sighing, Nate opened the door and threw his duffel into the seat. He was about to get in when a grey Highlander pulled up across the street from the ATO house. 

His heart nearly skipped a beat when he saw her scramble out and walk towards him. 

A twitch of anger flickered across his face even as his hands practically itched to grab a hold of her. It was sunny outside, and she was wearing olive green short shorts that left her healthy caramel thighs bare, her feet encased by black flip-flops. She was wearing a tight orange t-shirt that brought out the red tones in her skin. Her short black hair was shiny as usual and made him want to run his fingers through it. 

Despite his irritation, he couldn't help but be a little happy to see her. 

"Hey," she said softly.

He gave her a curt nod. Words were a little hard to come by at the moment. 

Jamie shifted from foot to foot. She wasn't sure how this conversation was going to go. He looked good, a little disheveled. He had a couple days worth of growth on his face. His jeans were torn, his black tank top a little wrinkled, and he had a pair of old black flip-flops on his feet. 

Jamie longed for the sensuously soft sky blue color that his eyes used to look like. She had always felt like that color was reserved just for her. They were still blue, but it was a decidedly colder color.

"Congratulations on graduation," she said tentatively.

"You too," Nate mumbled. 

"I'm on my way to my new apartment. It's in the city. I'm working for a public relations firm in Manhattan."




Used Ch. 04



Esme felt sick to her stomach. Some would have called it just desserts, being caught in the act by her ex and Barry's best friend, with Barry's sister and fiance to said ex/best friend on her way to join the party. It was a nightmare she just wanted to end, but it was too late at night for anyone to head back to the city. To top it off the snow had started up again, and didn't appear as though it was going to stop anytime soon. 

As Esme stared out the second floor window she saw a CRV pull into the driveway, and the shouts coming from downstairs died down. Esme pushed off her towel, the one she'd hastily grabbed to cover up after being caught in the act, and moved into the bathroom. She'd turned on the shower ten minutes ago, before she'd moved into the bedroom closer to the door to see if she could make out any of what was being shouted downstairs, but had never gotten in.

Esme slid into the shower and the hot spray assaulted her skin. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself not to scream. What had they been thinking? That Ben would never find out? That they wouldn't care if he did?

"Em?" Barry's voice interrupted her thoughts. He'd made his way upstairs and was standing in the bathroom, his voice echoing off the walls. She opened her eyes to blue tile and perfect white grout. How did they keep it so clean? She opened her mouth to say something, anything-- they hadn't had a chance to talk when Ben had stepped out onto the porch. Barry had grabbed her a towel from the stack nearby and hurriedly covered her up before sending her into the house to change. 

The fogged shower door drew back and she saw him , a towel around his hips. She knew that she knew he was naked underneath, that he'd not made it up the stairs to grab a change of clothes before the shouting match. Were their swim suits still outside on the porch? She allowed her gaze to lift to his face. 

Esme wasn't sure what she was expecting from him, but the tender look on his face as his eyes swept down her body, and then back up to her face, was not it. She watched his perfectly formed leg lift as he moved to join her in the shower stall, watched trim hips tilt as he slid past her, watched his muscular chest stiffen as the hot spray hit him, watched his biceps as he brought his arms up and cupped her face in his hands. "Are you okay?" he asked, his thumbs following the line of her jaw back to her ears. A new heat flooded through Esme from within, starting between her legs and radiating outward. She nodded, stepping into his arms, leaning her forehead against his shoulder. His hands came down her sides, folded around her until she was pressed against him. One of his hands moved down her lower back, over the curve of her ass, and she trembled in response to his touch.

"I'm okay," she said into his chest, her eyes drifting closed as she tried to cling to the feel of him. Would this be their last shower together? Would he lose interest in their "illicit" affair, now that they had been outed? Would Ben's anger make him rethink everything?

Barry turned her around, away from the shower spray, and pressed her back against the opposite wall. The tiles were cold against her hot skin, provided just enough shock to bring reality back in. Barry knelt down in front of her, sliding his hands up the insides of her thighs, bringing his face close to her abdomen and kissing her softly, a few inches under her belly button.

His fingers teased at her, pushing the folds of skin open to reveal her clit, lowering his mouth and running his tongue over it. She nearly jumped in response, still sensitive from their last encounter, it felt like her body came back to life immediately.

"Won't they be waiting for us?"

"Are you worried about keeping them waiting?" He pressed his face closer, closing over her, then sliding his tongue down to taste her. Her nipples tightened in response to him, and her hips involuntarily rocked forward before she pushed his head away.

"Should we talk about this?"

Barry sighed, stood, and nodded. "We can talk," he said. "Let me get cleaned up first."

Esme frowned as he turned his back to her, grabbed the bar soap and began washing himself down. In just a few moments he was done washing away the evidence of their lovemaking and was pushing open the shower door and stepping out. "I'll wait for you in the bedroom, and we can go down and face the music together," he said, letting the shower door close without looking at her again. She felt words bubbling up her throat, but swallowed them back down. It was not the time for foolish thoughts or desperate professions.

Esme let her head fall back against the shower wall and closed her eyes tightly as tears threatened their arrival. She grabbed her louffah, spread some shower gel onto it and started rubbing herself down mechanically, overscrubbing until every inch of skin was pink, not just those places where he'd kissed and sucked and nipped at her. She turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, pulling a towel over her before realizing that she didn't bring any clothes into the bathroom. What to do? Go out and awkwardly change in front of him? Grab clothes and dart back into the bathroom to change, as if they hadn't spent most of the day naked together?

He was stretched out on the bed staring at the ceiling, hands behind his head and elbows out. He didn't look over when she exited, as if deep in thought or pointedly ignoring her. She wondered if she'd said something wrong, or failed to say something right. Had there been a moment where she could have prevented their slide down this slope where another failed relationship waited at the bottom.

Barry had changed into jeans and a navy merino half-zip sweater. She wanted to curl up against him and pretend none of this had happened, that they'd stayed in town walled up in her apartment, playing boardgames and only venturing out to those theatres they knew Ben didn't frequent, just as they had during the Spring and Summer and Fall. Quiet dinners and movie nights, no parties attended together, no group dates, but it had been comfortable, and it had come to feel safe.

Esme crouched by the dresser where she had tucked away her clothes and pulled on jeans and lime green long sleeved T-shirt, hoping some cheeriness would rub off on her. She then stood and sat gingerly on the bed next to Barry, having to reposition herself a few times before finding a position which would comfortably accomadate the towel wrapped around her hair. Barry continued staring at the ceiling, as if he hadn't registered she was in the room, so when he spoke she jumped a little.

"It's not like we could have gone on forever without him finding out," he said, pulling himself up and onto his side so he could look at her. "He is my best friend." This last bit came out at a lower volume, the inflection almost sad. Esme nodded, as much as the towel would allow, bracing for the worst.

"I mean, who were we kidding, right?" Barry sighed, rolling toward her and resting his head on her chest. "We had a good run, that's for sure." 

Esme squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry. Willing this not to be happening. Willing her emotional life to go right, just this once. 

"Ben is going to tell Audrey that I'm here with someone, and he's going to say we both know you, but he's going to leave out a lot. Obviously. He doesn't want to make her feel awkward, and frankly, neither do I."

Asshole. Esme bit her tongue.

"Your heart is racing," Barry said, holding still, his ear pressed to her chest as if it were the most natural thing in the world that he was pressed up against her breasts, his hand resting on her stomach while they sorted out the details of their break-up weekend. Had she ever not been able to leave after someone broke it off with her? Talk about feeling awkward.

Inexplicably, Barry's hand slid underneath the waistband of her jeans, a contented sigh escaping from his lips. Esme's breath caught in her throat. After a moment of stillness, Barry sat up, his attention on the door. "What is it? Did you hear something?"

He turned to look at her and she couldn't imagine how he interpreted the absolute bafflement on her face. He smiled at her, "Dry your hair and we'll head down together, okay? Audrey will probably want to watch a movie tonight. I think she brought back some beer."

**

Meeting Audrey and Ben downstairs had been superbly awful. Ben looked handsome in a grey henley t-shirt, and she could feel his eyes burning into her in the moments when no one was looking. Barry was oddly at ease, or at least seemed so, laughing and joking with Audrey and their uncle's likely intentional failure to mention to either Audrey or Barry that they would both have guests at the cabin for the weekend. Audrey had brought back plenty of beer to lubricate the awkward moments, and had immediately suggested they watch a movie she and Ben had brought with them. The movie, it turned out, was strangely sexually graphic for only being rated R. It was an uncomfortable show, because of what happened on screen, and what was happening off screen.

Ben and Audrey had settled into one half of the L shaped couch, while Barry pulled Esme onto his lap at the other end. This move had drawn a sharp look from Ben, which Barry either ignored or didn't notice. Esme wasn't sure what the movie was about, couldn't concentrate between her thoughts about the ruined weekend, or the way Barry had slid his hands inside her jeans under the blanket they shared. She tried to keep her face impassive, and was grateful the only light in the room was the light coming off the television, the fire having dies down considerably. 

She wondered what Barry was thinking, found her eyes closing when he slid a finger inside her, briefly, getting it wet enough so he could slide his finger smoothly over her clit in small, rhythmic circles. Did he expect she would fuck him tonight, not caring that he was ending things between them. Did he expect her down on her knees in front of him in the bedroom upstairs, sucking him off? Would she resist either of these scenarios? 

She squeezed her legs together but he persisted. She could feel Ben's attention on them, instead of the movie or Audrey who, two beers in, was already fighting sleep to stay awake. Esme shifted a little, trying to move off of Barry's lap, but he held her in place stubbornly. The only thing her movement accomplished was that she was made aware that he was just as aroused as she was. When she shifted her ass slid down further into his lap, sliding along his rigid cock, and causing him to inhale sharply.

Barry intesified the pressure his finger was exerting, altered the speed of movement, and a flush spread through Esme's body in response. She ached to be filled, to have his hands travel her body, up to her breasts. She ached for him to to pull her to her feet and drag her from the room, to pick her up and carry her into the upstairs bedroom. But that wasn't the point, it seemed. It seemed the point was to finger fuck her within a few feet of Ben. Was he trying to avoid detection, or hoping to be detected? 

The action on the scene in front of them intensified, some sort of drug-related argument, and Audrey stirred. Barry's fingers stilled as she rose, tugging on Ben's sleeve as she sat up, motioning for him to follow. "Let's make some popcorn, do you guys want some?" she asked Esme. Esme could only nod. Ben glowered at them before they left the room.

As soon as they were gone Esme pushed Barry's hand away and climbed off his lap, headed for the half bath down the hall on weak knees and shakey legs. Barry stood up behind her and followed. Esme sped up, almost jogging into the bathroom, but he was right there, pushing his way in behind her. "What is your problem?" she demanded, hitting him on the chest as he shut the door behind them.

Barry looked confused. "What?"

"What was that?" she asked, turning on the cold faucet and splashing her face with water before toweling off and turning back to him.

Barry waited for her to turn around before stepped forward, accidentally bumping her and then backing up a step. She tried to count in her head how many beers she'd seen him drink. Three? Four? Was he buzzed? Drunk? "What?" he asked, his eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

"On the couch, what was that? Was that for Ben's benefit?"

Barry's eyes flashed in anger, and she stepped back almost instinctively. He stepped forward, pressing his chest into her space, backing her into the pedestal sink. "I was hoping that was for your benefit, and you seemed to be responding. Or were you just wet because Ben is here?"

She winced, tried to step around him, but he stepped sideways to block her exit. "You don't need to be hateful," she hissed. "Whatever you've decided is fine, if this is all over that's fine, but you don't need to be hateful."

Barry stilled, his mouth falling open. "If what is all over?" His eyes met hers, suspicious. She started to doubt what had happened upstairs, wondered if she'd misinterpreted everything. She couldn't have, because he'd only moments ago insinuated that she was wet for Ben, rather than him. Like some slut who would move from one man to the next. But hadn't she? What else could he think, deep down? He'd fucked her in Ben's apartment within hours of her fucking Ben. She didn't want to think about it. Forever the fuck buddy, never the girl taken out in public. Was she doing this to herself?

"They're going to wonder where we are," she said, side-stepping him again. 

She made it past him this time and was reaching for the door handle when she was spun, and he was on her, pressing into her, his face inches from hers. "Are you telling me that you don't want to see me anymore?" His lips grazed hers, then lowered to her neck, his hot breath on her skin just before he kissed her collarbone.

Esme shook her head, suddenly short of breath, pinned against the door and smelling alcohol on his breath, and he was absurdly pretending that this was her idea. Her heart pounded in her chest as she tried to remain calm, not freak out. She could yell. He wouldn't hurt her here, with other people only a few yards away. But that was silly- he wouldn't hurt her at all. 

"You said we had a good run," she shouted, surprising herself with the volume of the word. She must have surprised him, too, because he took a step back. Esme used the opportunity to flee the room. She was feet away from the stairs when she heard Audrey call out, "Popcorn!"

And she couldn't run upstairs and lock herself in the bedroom. She would look like a crazy person. And she wasn't going to give Ben the satisfaction of having an ex-girlfriend who fucked his friends, and was crazy. Barry was on her heels as she made her way back to the living room, he had pulled up beside her when they turned the corner to the living room, telling the side of her head that they needed to talk. She found herself under Audrey's watchful stare as she made it the couch, and Audrey handed her a bowl of popcorn. The girl was quieter, an intense stillness. The beer? The sleepiness? She seemed to have transformed in the moments she and Ben spent in the kitchen. Had they had a fight? 

"Just salt," Audrey said, nodding toward the bowl. Esme took it gingerly, sensing something had changed, just not knowing what.

Barry was trying to get her attention, cocking his head toward the kitchen as if they should head in there. Esme ignored him and sat down on the couch, shoving a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

**

"That movie seemed excessively long," Barry said as they made it back to the room. She nodded absent-mindedly, still wondering about their conversation in the bathroom but determined not to ask him about it. 

Barry closed the door behind them and caught her by the elbow, turning her toward him gently, his hand reaching out to cup her cheek before he kissed her softly, tenderly. He tasted like beer and salt, and she melted into him, forgetting the events of the day. She was the one to deepen the kiss, and he responded by pulling off her shirt, tossing it to the ground and returning his mouth to hers, hungry and demanding. They stumbled back to the bed together and he fell on top of her, his hands everywhere all at once. She couldn't have pinpointed when he got her free of the jeans, only realized he had her panties off when his face was between her legs and his tongue was plunging inside her. And she wasn't going to resist. She was going to fuck him, and suck him off, and not worry that they would part ways afterward. 

She had overdone it with the beers, and found her head swimming slightly as she lay back, letting him devour her. She knew she should do something, like urge him onto the bed over her, so she could lick and tease and suck on him as he ate her out, but she couldn't imagine stopping what he was doing for even the few seconds needed to get him unclothed and inside her.

She gasped in surprise when his fingers entered her, two of them, moving in and out. His lips and tougue had her squirming and bucking against him, but her frantic thrust just resulted in his increasing the pressure of his movements. She felt her body getting close, waves of pleasure moving her toward the edge. Barry shoved a finger in her ass and she gasped, shivered as the sensations flooded through her. She moaned and bucked, and Barry brought his other hand up to clasp over her mouth. 

"Shh," he said, and she was reminded of the people in the other room. Had they taken the bedroom next door? Barry's grip tightened over her mouth and suddenly his motuh was closed over her, and he was sucking on her clit as his thumb plunged inside her, his middle finger still buried in her ass. She came suddenly, violently, and his hand caught most of her cry. He moved off her, got up on the bed and she realized he had taken off his jeans already. As her orgasm does down he slid inside her, groaning as her pussy clenched around him.

Barry moved slowly at first, stopped moving long enough to pull off his sweater when he overheated, his body on fire. He resumed his movements, shuddering slightly at the sensations her body brought.

She thought he wanted to break up, it had only occurred to him in the bathroom that he was a poor communicator. She must have thought he was an asshole, telling her they were done then molesting her on the couch. What had he been thinking doing that, anyway? What was he trying to prove? He knew exactly what he was trying to prove. 

Esme gasped underneath him, and he knew she would come again, come with him this time. He held himself back, kept his motions steady. What he wanted to do was plow into her, slam against her until he was covered in sweat and spent, and he wanted her to remember where he'd been when she stood up in the morning. 

He knew she still thought he'd been trying to end things, but couldn't open his mouth to correct her. What could he say that wouldn't be tainted by Ben. If he told her he wanted her on his arm when he walked into a crowded room, would she think of this weekend when they did. If he told her he wanted her to meet his parents, would she think he was only saying it to soothe her? Would she think he was just drawing himself up to stand against Ben? She looked at Ben in a way she never looked at Barry, but for the life of him he didn't know what that look meant. Could he live with that? 

Esme had brought her knees up and was now meeting his thrusts, her body wet with sweat, either hers or his or both. He got to his knees, pulling her hips up in the process, tilting them upward and giving him a view of his cock sliding into her, of her breasts bouncing. Perilously close to the edge, he swept a finger over her clit. She shattered, and his resolve broke. Barry let out a groan as he emptied himself into her, wave after wave of pleasure. 




Used Ch. 04



He collapsed on the bed beside her, not wanting to at the woman laying next to him. He didn't want to see her smile, or hear her whisper, because-- what if? What if it was never going to work? What if she was smiling to Ben? What if everything she whispered to him, she first whispered to Ben? What if he couldn't get over that? So he couldn't tell her that he wasn't trying to end it. He needed her to tell him that she didn't want him to. And was it that unfair? He threw an arm over his eyes but the thoughts didn't stop.

"Am I even on your mind?" she asked, which flummoxed him. He lifted his arm, looked at her.

"What?"

"Am I even on your mind? Do you think about me when I'm not around? When you're shooting the shit with your friends, do you wish I was there, that I could be there? Do you watch me leave, and think about the next time you'll see me? Am I on your mind?" Her questions were like machine-gun bursts, and then the storm was over, and there was silence. 

And he was silent. Ben's voice was in his head. What did you think? That we would sit across from each other at thanksgiving dinners? That your choice to bring my ex into my marriage is going to help things? 

And then he wasn't silent. 

"I'm in over my head," he whispered, turning his head to look at her. She withdrew like she'd been slapped. 

Ben's voice again.  Six months. You've been fucking her for half a year, don't bullshit me, of course you brought her into my life!  

Within seconds she was dressed, and was leaving the room.

___

 Thank you for reading. Please review. 



Used Ch. 04



"That's nice," he replied. He wasn't going to give her any details about his plans. The less she knew, the better. 

Jamie stared at him. She knew she deserved the cold treatment, but it still hurt like hell. "Um, well I wanted to come by before I left to give you this," she said, holding out a folded piece of paper.

Nate stared at the sheet in her hand for a minute before taking it softly. 

"Don't open until I leave, okay?" she whispered. She turned to leave and then whipped back around. Before he could step back, she stepped up on tiptoes and pressed her lips against his. 

It was the softest of kisses that had him groaning for more. Before anything further happened, Jamie pulled herself away from him. 

He looked slightly stunned, but at least the irritation was gone from his eyes. 

Stepping back, Jamie looked at him once more. "Nate, I just wanted to let you know...I'm so sorry. For everything." And with that, she turned to leave. 

Jamie didn't dare look back for fear she'd listen to what her body screamed for her to do: to stay and be with him. 

It's not meant to be, she kept repeating over in her head. She quickly got into her car, slamming the door. Her shaky hands started up the car, putting into drive and pulling away. 

It's not meant to be.

I shouldn't have kissed him. 

I wanted to kiss him.

It's not meant to be.

She wiped an errant tear from her face.

It's not meant to be.

Keep repeating it. Maybe one day you'll believe it.

It's not meant to be.

So why did you keep his shirt?

She glanced down tearfully at the blue shirt lying on the passenger seat.

"It's not meant to be," she said shakily.

For now at least.

********

His fingers moved to touch the spot where her lips had rested. Damn her, he thought.

You're not foolin' anyone Harlow. 

Nate sighed. He had been doing that a lot lately. Ambling into his truck, he closed the door before he opened her letter to read:

Nate, 

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to accomplish by writing this. I knew I wouldn't have the guts to say all these things to your face. 

God, Nate I'm so sorry. For everything. I shouldn't have treated you so cruelly. I did the one thing I was expecting you to do. You poured your heart out and I just walked right over it. And for that I apologize. 

However, I do stand by my decision. We couldn't have worked out, Nate. Not at this juncture in our lives. Maybe you don't see it now, but you will someday when things aren't so heavy. 

You can blame me; hate me if it makes you feel better. But you know I'm right. I can't give you what you want right now and I don't think I deserve what you're offering. 

College is supposed to be this big time of self-discovery. Well, I figured out I disliked myself when it came to you. It was so easy before; not to care about boys and relationships. Don't get too involved because people will always leave in the end. But you didn't. You wanted to be around, and that scared me. 

This whole ordeal has nothing to do with you, as selfish as that sounds. I just have a hard time admitting I need someone. 

I can't need you, Nate. At least for now. Maybe one day I'll walk down some street in Nashville and bump into you. We'll have coffee and chat about our lives, then find a bathroom and reconnect (smile).

But until then, not a day will pass where I won't think of you. How for the first time in my life I felt something other than lust while being in someone else's arms. 

So thank you, Nate Harlow, for giving me that gift. You made me feel special and beautiful. You made me feel loved.

We spent some time together crying Spent some time just trying to let each other go I held your hand so very tightly And told you what I would be dreaming of There's nothing like you and I So why do I even try?  There's nothing like you and I...

Jamie.

********

Nate sniffed loudly, his fingers brushing absently at tears he never knew he cried. 

He didn't know what to say. Things felt more muddled than before. 

Nate realized he needed that road trip, now more than ever. 

Starting up his car, one thought played in his mind. Driving away from Colson University to a destination unknown, Nate Harlow smiled through his tears. 

"Our story ain't over yet, Jamie Kincaid."

********

You know what they say. "It's not over 'til it's over. I'm taking a short break from Nate and Jamie's story, to work on some new ones, but their tale is far from finished. n4m.



Used Ch. 05



Author's Note: So, here is the long-awaited continuation of Used! I've decided for my sanity to split up the chapters. The final chapter is in the works as well as the third of Only You. Again, thanks for reading and continuing to bless my little stories with your kind words. You guys are kickass! Happy Reading, Sienna H.

********

She was flying down the highway in her pearl gray Highlander, the sounds of Keyshia Cole's Heaven Sent blaring through her speakers. 

The music was so loud, she almost didn't hear her cell ringing.

Slipping on her Bluetooth headset, she pressed the answer key to her cell phone. 

"What's up, Nora-poo?" she yelled. 

"Jamie? Jay, turn down the damn radio!"

Giggling, Jamie did as she was told. 

"Can you hear me now?"

Nora's high pitch laugh rang in Jamie's ear. "Yes, dumbass. I can hear you perfectly. How far away are you?"

"About twenty minutes away. I'm on 32 right now."

Nora squealed. "I can't wait to see you."

"Me either. It's been so long."

"Jay, it's only been two years."

She chuckled. "That's like a decade in the real world." There was a deeper chuckle in the background. "Is that Danny I hear?"

Nora let out a girlish giggle. "Yes, he's here waiting for you too. Hurry up!"

"Alright, already! I'll be there before you know it." She pressed the off button and sighed happily. 

Two years. It had been two long years since she saw her best friend. Things just got in the way. Immediately after college she had gone to work at a major public relations firm in Manhattan. Her sister was so proud of her. She was a grunt and it was hard work, but it had promise, potential to move up the work ladder. 

She had shared an apartment with a girl from work. Martha was nice enough, but she just wasn't Nora. Martha was more concerned with press releases and crisis communication plans than staying up late to eat ice cream or go out clubbing. 

Though Jamie was good at her job, she just didn't love it. It disappointed her, staying in college, graduating with a degree only to discover it wasn't her passion. She had known from a very young age that her heart's desire was art. 

Her father had discouraged it, calling it a fleeting fancy. It wasn't something concrete like journalism was. So she held off on her dream to pursue her father's in hopes that he could show her just once that he was proud of her. It didn't work out that way, however. He still criticized. 

It was about seven months ago when she called the big 'Fuck It.'; fuck the job, fuck the apartment, and especially fuck Roger Kincaid. She left the apartment, moving into a small studio in the Village. She enrolled in a graphic design class at the local community college. But the biggest change was the job. 

After talking to her boss about how unhappy she was working at the large firm, the woman actually understood. She referred Jamie to a friend of hers who was currently looking for someone with design skills to help him create webpages for arts and entertainment companies. 

The company was relatively small, about twenty employees, but it was exactly what she needed. She could design at work and paint and sculpt at her leisure. When she told her sister Rina, she was initially shocked, but she stood by her decision. 

Jamie reasoned that her sudden life upheaval was one of the reasons why she and Nora hadn't seen each other. They stayed in contact through the occasional email and odd phone call here and there. So to be able to visit Nora for a full week was pretty exciting. That is how she found herself on the road to Maryland to visit her best friend.

After college, Nora went to grad school and completed the master's program within a year for psychology. She was now working on her doctorate and was a guidance counselor at a private school. Danny worked as an architect in a high-end firm. They both lived together in relatively quiet Annapolis neighborhood.

She smiled at the thought of the two of them. They were such a shining example of true love. They had already begun to establish a life together while Jamie still struggled to pick up the pieces of her own. She was happy for them but also a tad bit jealous though she'd never admit to that aloud. 

In no time at all, she arrived in the sunny tree lined neighborhood where Nora currently resided. Jamie shook her head. Nora would live in a place like this. It was just beautiful. Tall trees with crisp, verdant leaves outlined the picturesque houses with their quaint colonial structures. Children played happily on the sidewalk, the sounds of high-pitched laughter and sprinklers letting her know summertime in the 'burbs was here. She pulled a piece of paper with Nora's address scribbled on it out of her large bright yellow purse. 

Her eyes darted this way and that, searching for the house number. 607, 607 she repeated in her head. After driving further down, she reached the moderately sized brick house. It was three-storied, with colonial columns that stood majestically on a large wraparound porch. Its dark green shutters added to the quaint feeling of the house. She parked her Highlander on the street next to the house and stepped quickly from the car. 

As she walked up the cobblestone walkway, she smoothed down the wrinkles in the pale green sundress she was wearing. She walked up to the steps and rang the doorbell. 

The door swung open immediately, as if the person on the other side was watching her come up the walk. 

"JAY! Oh my gosh, it's so good to see you!" Nora Masters grabbed her best friend in a crushing hug and pulled her into the house.

"Nora, you're making it difficult to breathe" Jamie said, even as she squeezed Nora tightly. 

"Shut up, I miss you." She let go of her friend and stepped back. "Let me get a good look at you." Jamie felt a little foolish when Nora twirled her around. "Man, you look awesome; so different."

Jamie had changed. She had lost a little bit of weight due from walking all those city blocks. She was still slightly curvy but with a helluva lot more tone to her body. Her once short black hair was longer now, curling softly around her brown shoulders.  

"I don't look that bad do I?"

Nora shook her head. "Nonsense, you look fabulous."

Jamie smiled. "So do you." And she was right. Nora had this glow about her. Her wavy blond hair was now straightened, its length about the same as Jamie's. Her amber eyes were still happy and thoughtful. "Love agrees with you."

Nora's pale pink lips curled into a sly smile. "And speaking of my love, he's in the kitchen waiting for you." Grabbing Jamie's hand, she led her down the hallway into the large modern kitchen. It was tastefully decorated, in warm green and black appliances. 

Danny Eisenberg's curly brown head was currently stuck in the refrigerator. He emerged when he heard them enter. "Jamie," he said grinning. "It's so good to have you here. He grey eyes twinkled as he embraced her warmly.

"Thanks Danny. I'm glad you guys let me crash at your place." 

"No problem. We're just happy that you could take some time off."

"Yes, Jay. How's the new job going?" Nora reached into one of the dark hardwood cabinets and pulled out three wineglasses. 

"Good. I think I'm finally where I'm supposed to be, you know?"

Danny nodded as he pulled out a bottle of zinfandel from the wine cooler. "I know that feeling. I shopped around with job after job until I found the right one for me. It seems like only my baby knew exactly what she wanted to do as soon as she left school." He smiled at Nora who grabbed the bottle from him and uncorked it smoothly. 

Jamie couldn't help but notice they way they moved as if in unison, their movements flowing perfectly with one another. It was ridiculously cute. "Yeah, Nora knew she wanted to be a psychologist since birth. Always trying to help somebody." 

Nora smirked when she passed Jamie the wineglass. "I was always there to help you out, Jay."

She couldn't help the warm smile that spread across her face. "Yeah, you did. That's why I love you."

The two friends clinked glasses. "I love you too, girl. That's why Danny and I have a surprise for you."

"Really? What is it?"

Danny and Nora stole secretive glances at one another. "Well, we know we promised we'd take you out and all that jazz around Maryland but..."

"But what? Don't tell me you guys have to work? That would totally suck if I have to keep myself company."

Nora's blonde head shook from side to side. "No, nothing like that. We were planning to show you around Annapolis but something else came up. Something like Danny's parents' beach house in Ocean City."

Jamie grinned. "You guys are taking me to the ocean?"

"Sure," Danny said. "That is, unless you want to stay here."

"No, no, no. We are going on a vacation. That's just freaking awesome."

********

Jamie yawned loudly. She and Nora had stayed up late drinking wine and giggling about days gone by. It had felt like just another night in their old college apartment. 

She grinned as Danny and Nora sang along together with the song currently playing in the car. They were holding hands, looking so ridiculously in love it made her hurt. 

You could have had that, her stupid conscience reminded her. 

God not now, she thought. She had been too scared to ask Nora about Nate. She knew he had kept in contact with Danny over the years. It didn't seem right to ask about him. With all the upheaval in her life she really hadn't thought about him until she saw Nora. 

Not true, her conscience whispered. Okay, so there was the occasional dream.

"You alive back there?" Danny called out to her from the driver's seat. 

Jamie forced a small smile. "Sure," she said. "How much further?"

"We're almost there." 

Nora turned in the passenger seat to face Jamie. "You're going to really like the Eisenberg's beach house. It's on a private beach, so there aren't any tourists poking around."

"Sweet," Jamie said. She lowered the window, anxious to smell the salty sea air. 

Danny eyed Jamie through the mirror. "Oh, and a couple of my friends are going to stay with us too but it's a big house, so no worries."

"Hey, no problem Danny. I'm just looking to have a good time and relax."

Nodding his head, Danny pulled into the driveway of a spectacular beach house. "Well, this is definitely the place to do just that." He turned off the ignition.

Jamie practically jumped out the car, anxious to get a look at the place. It was breathtaking. The large, three story property was bleached white, the soft blue shutters the same color and the afternoon sky. The driveway was paved with sea shells and lined with beach plants. 

Nora enveloped her in a giant hug. "Isn't this place amazing? Danny's parents are going to give it to us someday."

Jamie nodded. "It certainly is something." She pulled Nora to the door as Danny grabbed the bags from the car. "Come on, let's go explore."

They ran up the shell walkway, skirts flouncing behind them. Nora unlocked the door and pushed it aside. Right away they were hint with a strong scent of sea breeze. To Jamie, it smelled like vacation. 

The entrance opened up to a quaint foyer. On the right was a decent sized living room. A large modern kitchen was at the end of a marble-tiled hallway. "Come on," Nora said, tugging her arm. "You just have to see the view."

The women walked down the hallway and into the kitchen where there were two large French doors that led out to a generous sized platform deck. 

The ocean view was breathtaking. The sun sparkled on the blue water, the waves gently lapping at the sand. 

"Wow," Jamie breathed. "This is amazing."

"I know." Nora pointed back inside. "Let's go and get changed."

********

Jamie still couldn't believe how beautiful the house was. When Nora showed her the room she was staying in, she was taken aback. It seriously was the size of her apartment back in the city. 

The room was done in mute colors, all sea blues and misty greens. There was a small balcony that overlooked the sandy beach below. 

My mother always said she wanted to see the ocean.

Jamie sighed. She needed to pay her Momma a visit. It had been quite some time, almost a month to be exact. 

Opening her small suitcase, she picked out a dark orange bikini, which she quickly changed into. Jamie put on a long sleeved black gauze cover-up and orange flip-flops. 

She stuffed her music player, a towel in her large yellow purse. Before she left, she grabbed her sunglasses, putting them on before closing her door.

Jamie silently padded down the hallway. When she reached the room where Danny and Nora were staying she heard the soft giggles and muffled moans. Shaking her head, she bounded down the steps and walked outside to the beach.

It was a glorious day outside. The sun was going to set soon. Jamie opened her bag and laid out her towel. Stepping out of her flip-flops, she removed her cover-up and sat down. 

Jamie watched the ocean for a while, the quiet tossing of the waves washed a feeling of calm over her. Reaching for her mp3 player, she slipped the earbuds in. Before leaving the city she made a playlist called "The Seaside Soundtrack". It was a collection of songs perfect for the beach. It was weird; she made it before she even knew she was coming here. 

"Ahh, fate" she said aloud. Staring out at the azure waters, she let the sounds of Sigur Ros perfect the mood. Hoppípolla was still one of her favorite songs.

Above her, Nora watched her friend sit quietly on the beach. She smiled when Danny came up from behind and wrapped his arms around her slender waist. 

"Ready for round two?" he whispered. 

Nora shook her head. "The others will be arriving soon. You'll just have to be a good boy and wait."

She looked down at Jamie; her best friend had changed. She seemed comfortable in her life. Comfortable, but not happy. 

"You're worried about her, aren't you?" 

Nora met Danny's grey eyes. "How did you get so intuitive?"

"I just know you, Nora. You can't help but care."

She sighed. "I know. I just want to help her. Do you think we did the right thing?"

Danny nodded fervently. "I believe so. I think it's been a long time coming."

"I hope you're right, honey. I hope you're right."

********

Jamie hadn't realized she dozed off until she felt sand sifting lightly on her stomach. She sat up sharply to see a cute chestnut-haired guy staring down at her. 

"Jamie?" he asked. 

"Do I know you?" he did look familiar. She knew she'd seen those green eyes somewhere before. 

The guy smiled. "Of course you do. Matt Wilkins. From Colson. I was in ATO."

"Oh Matt!" she exclaimed. He held out his hand for her and she took it as he pulled her easily to her feet. "Yeah, I totally remember you. How have you been?"

"Not bad, not bad. Yourself?"

"Can't complain. Did you just get here?" 

Matt shook his head. "About fifteen minutes ago. We've all been watching you to see how long you were planning on sleeping out here."

Jamie felt her cheeks flush. "Well, that's sufficiently odd of you." She picked up her black cover-up and slid her feet into the flip-flops. 

Matt smiled. "You're still funny." He helped her pick up her stuff. "Come on, we're all getting ready to set up a fire on the beach and catch up."

"Which is code for get drunk and reminisce."

They both laughed. They were still smiling when they reached the wooden patio. Suddenly Jamie heard a voice that made her stop in her tracks. 

That sexy Southern baritone. It can't be.

And that's when she saw him come out on the deck, his face blocked from view by a large cooler. 

"Matt, you asshole! Stop talkin' to them girls on the beach and start helpin'..." His sentence trailed off as he set down the cooler and stood up to face Matt and her. 

Jamie Kincaid. The woman who walked away from him two years ago, confused and angry. 

This was Jamie, who he tried to forget but never could get out his mind. 

His Jamie...who was never his to begin with.

********

Dead silence. 

The only thing heard was the waves slapping soundly against the shore. There were voices chattering in the kitchen, but all Nate could hear was the sound of his heart threatening to burst through his chest. 

All at once he felt a wave of nausea hit. He hadn't expected her. What the hell was she doing here?

She looked good. Too damn good for his tastes. Her bikini was modest but ridiculously sexy, showcasing her luscious golden breasts, slender waist, tawny limbs; she was still hot as hell. Her dark hair was longer and he decided he liked it that way, hanging down by her shoulders. She was staring at him, her eyes cautious and hesitant. 

Matt stood there, as if watching a riveting game of tennis. 

Before Nate could open his mouth, Jamie spoke up. "I need...to not be here." She took her things from Matt and eased past Nate, careful not to let any part of her brush against him. 

She practically broke into a run as she darted into the house. 

"Wait," he called out but she was too far to hear him. "Shit," he muttered. 

"Did you know she was going to be here?" Matt asked.

Nate shook his head. "It hadn't even crossed my mind."

"Are you going to leave?"

Nate thought about that one for a moment. "No. We can be civilized for a short amount of time."

Matt shot him a 'yeah right' look. "Whatever, dude. I'm going to go help with the food." He hopped up the steps and into the kitchen. 

Nate exhaled. He was getting that weight of the world feeling again; he had worked hard to remove that burden. But seeing her again...he felt all at once light and heavy. 

He would be a damn liar if he said he hadn't thought about her. It took him a week and a half and a long road trip to finally stop his hands from shaking every time he read that letter of hers. 

She said I made her feel loved. And then she left. 

When he returned home to Nashville, he threw himself into work. He had gotten a job with a major advertising company. He loved his job; it was fresh and exciting. Since day one, he knew that it was where he was supposed to be. 

Life after Jamie Kincaid was finally starting to come together. He had a great job, a nice apartment, and was currently in the process of trying to buy a house. 

Yes, all these things had kept his mind off the wild girl who, with one look used to have him aching with need. That is, of course until he saw her and all those familiar feelings came rushing back. He had a sudden desire to either kiss her or strangle her, he wasn't sure which.

"Dude, are you okay?" He turned to see Danny staring tentatively at him. 

"You knew she was goin' to be here, didn't you?"

Danny nodded, not even concerned about lying to his friend. "I did." "I don't know why people can't stop meddlin' in things that ain't their concern..."

"Oh, come off it Nate!" Danny said. "You can't pretend like it's not good to see her."

"I didn't say that!" Nate hissed. "I just...it would have been nice if I was told is all."

"Right, so you could hide back in Nashville? Come on Harlow. You aren't fooling anyone."

Nate sighed. "It's just...I don't know if I can face her, man. I wouldn't even know what to say."

Danny slung an arm around his shoulder, leading him back to the house. "Just start with a 'hello'. The alcohol will take it from there. Speaking of, I'm going to need you to make a run."

Nate glared at Danny. "What am I, your beer bitch?"

Danny laughed. "Exactly. This ain't college anymore, Tex."

********

She slammed her bedroom door, her knees shaking. What the hell was he doing here, and why did he have to look so fucking delicious?

He looked the same, and yet somehow different. His blond hair was still close-cropped, his skin still nicely tan from the Tennessee sun. He was wearing khaki shorts and a soft blue t-shirt that matched his eyes. 




Used Ch. 05



Esme trotted down the stairs, skinny legs revealed by a cotton skirt, a long-sleeved t-shirt that clung to her, made clear she hadn't bothered to put a bra on after—

After. Ben drew a rough breath in as he watched her. She was visibly tipsy, holding onto the railing for support, but she also had that look about her, and he knew that she'd recently had sex. Her body changed after an orgasm, her movements developed even more of a flow, reminding him of a dancer. Her shoulders relaxed and, typically, a small smile played at her lips for at least the first hour after sex. There was no smile tonight.

The living room was dark, and Ben was hidden in the shadows. Audrey had gone to bed, strangely silent, like she got when she was thinking about something. It worried him. Today of all days, it worried him. Because what if she felt something, caught him looking at Esme in a certain way? Saw his eyes linger on those long legs, picturing the times when they'd been wrapped around him.

Ben watched as Esme made her way into the kitchen, flipped on the light switch, and after a moment he followed her through the swinging door. She spun, hearing the creak of the door on hinges that could use some oil, and their eyes met. He found himself squinting at the sudden change in brightness. A single switch turned on every light in the kitchen, and the gleam of the steel appliances and marble countertops did nothing to dampen the effect. Her mouth opened as she gave a little gasp, her hand came to her heart as if she'd been startled badly.

Esme backed away from him, and he moved forward. "What are you doing?" he asked quietly. She continued backing up, curving along with the kitchen counter. His steps followed. He legs were bare and, as usual, impossibly tan for the winter months. Her skirt was on the short side, flowing cotton ending at least six inches above her knees. Nothing obscene, but he had a great view of long, lean legs.

"Getting some water, what are you doing?" 

He'd forgotten he'd asked a question, but he was having trouble keeping his thoughts straight. He'd been sitting next to quite the collection of empty bottles by the time Esme came downstairs.

"I meant ," he stepped forward, not allowing her to put the kitchen island between them. "what are you doing fucking Barry in a hot tub? And what are you doing fucking Barry in such close proximity to me that I can hear you moan?"

He stepped even closer, swaying a little, and Esme could tell he'd kept drinking long after the movie was over. 

"What are you doing fucking Barry at all?"

She opened her mouth to speak but, predictably, no words came. He didn't stop moving forward, and Esme swallowed tightly when she realized he was close enough that she could smell alcohol on his breath. She wanted to run back upstairs to the room she and Barry shared, but that likely wouldn't have been significantly less uncomfortable. She cursed herself for coming down for water, convinced that a lessened hangover tomorrow was surely better than this.

"You're just a piece of ass to him, you know," Ben said, and saw him stumble over his own feet, and reach out to the counter to steady himself. This brought them even closer, his mouth inches from hers. ""He's just trying to prove he can take what's mine. It's what he's always done."

"I wasn't yours," Esme said, sliding further down the counter, away from him. His breath mixed with beer mingled with the scent of his cologne was impossibly familiar. He smelled like years of her life; like long, extended periods of lovemaking, and like rough, rushed quickies. Memories surfaced that she tried to shove away—the feel of his lips against hers, the feel of his thumb languorously sliding across her nipple, drawing shivers of pleasure, the feel of his tongue reaching out to hers.

She closed her eyes tightly, tried to remind herself of reality. It had ended badly for her, on more than a few occasions. Over and over again she had come to the realization she was just someone to call on when he was lonely, or bored, or when he just needed a release. So what had made her go back each time, except for the sweet touch of his caress, the incredible feel of him stretching her open when he slid inside of her. Would she feel him inside of her tonight?  Of course not. 

It embarrassed her to think that all those times she went back to his bed and pretended that she was only there for the sex, she was really just waiting for him to let his guard down, to get used to her presence next to him, to stop resisting, and to stop looking for someone else. She had wanted it to be so easy to be with her, that the demands of other girls for gifts and time and non-sexual affection seemed bothersome by comparison. But still, she remained the one he went to when he wanted to fuck. 

Ben was looking at her expectantly, and she realized he must have asked her something else, "What?" she said. She felt ill, because she wanted to run upstairs but there was nothing up there to run to anymore.  I'm in over my head.

"I asked if you knew what was going to happen next."

Esme shook her head as if on command. His shirt wasn't tight, but it hugged his chest and biceps the way a shirt should. Neither Barry nor Ben was bulky, but Barry had more mass than Ben. Ben was lean muscle and slim hips, hips she could still feel under her hands. Barry still had some of the bulk from his high school football days. He'd had the strength to pin her against walls and hold her thighs to keep her off the ground while he had his way with her. 

"He's going to end—whatever this thing you two have is. He's had his fun, and he got what he wanted. I found out, and he proved he could take you from me. He won, and the game is over, and you won't be fun for him anymore."

Esme shook her head, trying to clear the haze the alcohol was causing. "Won what?"

Ben smiled hinted at something seductive, "Won you."

"Some win," sarcasm dripped from her voice. "You didn't want me." Saying the words out loud was harder than she thought it would be. How do you let go of your first? 

"I wanted you," he said, his hand suddenly on her abdomen, sliding down and grabbing her crotch through her skirt. She pushed his hand away, "You're getting married."

"I chose you. You called me and I chose you."

Esme laughed, feeling hysteria bubble up in her. "You called me and fucked me and left."

He shook his head. "I called again."

"You never broke it off."

"Why would I, if you weren't going to answer my calls, weren't going to talk to me."

Esme shook her head. He was trying to hurt her, to make her think she'd made a mistake. But he wouldn't have chosen her and she no longer wanted him to. Anyone that would talk like this just to fuck with someone's head was sick.

"You were with someone. You were in a relationship."

"And that's so much worse than fucking me one night then opening your legs for my best friend the next morning?" Esme recoiled, finding it hard to believe that Barry had let him know about their first time, particularly if he hadn't been trying to make Ben furious. He pressed forward again, this time pinning her against the counter. She could hear the malice in his voice when he asked, "Did you like that? Did you like having cum from two guys in you at once? Because there's no way that my sperm wasn't still swimming around inside you when you took on his load."

Impossibly, tears welled in her eyes, because of course he would think of this. How could he think anything else? How could Barry look at her and think of anything else? She wanted to throw up, but first she wanted to claw off his face. She hated him for this, hated his hot breath on her cheek, hated the look of disgust on his face. But why? Wasn't she disgusting? 

But he was also disgusting, and she was disgusted by his attempt to rewrite history when all those years he must have known how she felt about him. She was disgusted that he would try to convince her that she'd finally gotten his attention, finally brought him to a place where he would have chosen her over anyone else, rather than as extracurricular pussy. And her fury and her disgust made her ache inside for Barry, who'd clearly lost interest. She might not have believed it if he hadn't told Ben that she'd—but it didn't matter. In a strange way, they all deserved each other. But Ben would never convince her that he would have chosen her over Audrey, cute little petite Audrey with her large breasts and porcelain skin.

A glance down confirmed that Ben was aroused, but she still felt safe calling his bluff. 

"You wouldn't have chosen me back then," Esme said, pushing him back a few feet before she went back to the counter and lifted herself onto the edge, perching her feet against the cabinets below her and opening her legs. Her skirt slid up to her hips, exposing the insides of tanned, lean thighs, "And you wouldn't choose me now." 

She felt power taunting him like this, knowing he was hard and would lose face because he would have to refuse her. She was unexpectedly aroused when she saw his face flush, saw his mouth fall open, saw his gaze fall between her legs. She pulled her skirt up, allowing him a clear view of black lace, further teasing him when he couldn't do anything about it.

So she was surprised at the speed with which he came to her, surprised at the sureness of his mouth when it descended on hers, his own lips urging hers open, his tongue pushing into her mouth. She was equally surprised by the speed with which she opened her mouth to him, snaked her arms around him, because it had been so long, and a kiss was just a kiss. His kiss increased the dizziness the beer had caused and she felt herself melting against him.

This isn't going to end well. And this time, it wasn't what she wanted.

Ben buried one hand in her hair, holding her in place as he kissed her, not seeming to notice, or to care, that she had stopped kissing him back. She didn't feel powerful anymore, and felt betrayed by the heat building between her legs, the dampness that came in anticipation of his entry. 

He finally pulled away long enough for them to get a breath out, to whisper her name, and she got out, "Ben, this isn't -" before his mouth was on hers again. Her heart pounded in her chest, she wasn't getting enough air. Suddenly she felt the hand not buried in her hair pulling her panties to the side. 

Esme jumped slightly when shefelt the tentative touch of fingers, searching for readiness. He wasn't holding her arms, wasn't pinning her down. She could have done more to stop it if she'd been able to think straight, but suddenly he pushed inside her, fast and hard, no tenderness about it. He had managed to free himself from his boxers by pushing his pants and boxers down in the front, He hadn't even bothered to push his pants off his hips.

The edge of the counter felt sharp and cut into her thighs, he pulled out halfway and thrust again, tore his mouth away to moan, to whisper her name, to whisper a curse, as he kept plunging into her. "Oh, fuck, Esme. Fuck."

What had she expected? "You're so tight." 

This couldn't go on. "Ben, you have to get off-"

The gutteral grunt that followed his sixth thrust made her heart sink, and she felt a warm flood inside her, felt his cock pulse as he unloaded inside of her. Ben stilled, frozen, his head thrown back and his eyes closed until the last shudder from his cock signaled the end of his orgasm. It had been over in less than a minute. He probably took more time and care masterbating into a tissue.

After, Ben had the decency to look shocked, and appalled, at what had happened. He recovered quickly enough, pulling back and tucking himself back into his jeans. 

"There," he said, zipping his fly and leaning in to say the next part directly in her ear. The smell of alcohol was overpowering, and she wondered if he'd even remember this in the morning. "I got off."

Esme reached down and pulled her panties into place, dismayed to feel the semen seeping out between her legs and coating her fingers. She pushed her skirt down and got off the counter, feeling nauseous and ready to throw up. 

Once her attention was brought back to what had happened, she realized Ben was holding out a paper towel to her. "Try to clean yourself up as best you can before going back out there."

She couldn't look at him, just took the paper towel and turned away, her cheeks hot.

"Neither of us is going to say anything about this, Esme. I can hardly tell Barry what a little cockwhore you are without ruining everything. And what could you possibly say to explain yourself?" he laughed softly. Derisively. "But all the same, I don't recommend you going to him with my cum leaking out of your cunt—" he lowered his voice, ran a finger down her spine, "not again, I mean."

Esme kept the tears at bay, not willing to give him the satisfaction. She waited until Ben had left before she lowered herself to the floor and buried her face in her hands. She had lost control of the entire weekend, she had lost Barry and now...now this.

**

The climb up the stairs seemed like a walk down a gangplank. She prayed Barry would be asleep, because if he wasn't, he would take one look at her and know. He'd know, and he'd know he'd been right to end their relationship. And if he couldn't tell just from looking at her face, how would she explain the need to take another shower when she'd just had one before the movie?

Esme opened the door gingerly and found him in the same position he'd been in when she left, which shouldn't have been surprising, since she likely hadn't been downstairs more than ten minutes, most of that time spent trying to figure out how to get herself off the floor. Entering the room, she pressed her legs together as she felt more cum seep out of her pussy, collecting in her panties, which were already soaked. Barry sat up in bed, saw the expression on her face and, frowning, stood to come to her. Would he be able to smell sex on her? She tried to walk past him but he grabbed her, pulled her close, and held her face in his hands. 

"I'm sorry, Em." He whispered. "I hate to admit it but I've been insanely jealous since Ben showed up. All I can think about is him..." he choked on the words, and abandoned the thought. "But I am so sorry if my stubborn jealousy has made this weekend uncomfortable for you. I know it had to come out, I just wasn't prepared for it to be tonight." He shook his head ruefully. "I thought we'd have more time, I mean, I planned to tell him first, to prepare him. I planned to tell him, and I planned that he would punch me, and I planned that I would tell him that he could hate it all he wanted but I was falling in-" Barry stopped short, and a flush spread through his cheeks. "I planned to tell you that first."

She should have been happy, ecstatic even. She nodded dumbly, instead. She knew that by letting him speak first, she lost the only chance she had to tell him about what had happened between herself and Ben in the kitchen, lost the only chance she had to explain that she hadn't intended for it to happen—but she knew knowing would just renew his jealousy, whether or not he believed her intentions. His eyes were like coffee, and she wanted to get lost in the moment and wrap her her arms around him, but the reality of the situation could not be escaped. 

"I am in over my head, Em. But I wouldn't give that up."

Esme shifted on her feet uncomfortably, squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears in. His eyebrows drew together, concerned. And of course she was happy, but now she was terrified. A tear tracked its way down her cheek and he pulled her close, "Please don't cry," he said into her hair.

Barry pulled away again and brushed his lips against hers, sending shivers down her body. His hands traveled down her sides, and he backed up, tugging her to the bed. She realized he'd changed into a T-shirt and pajama pants, that he hadn't stayed in the same place while she was downstairs. He was looking unkempt, like he'd been running his hands through his hair, and the stubble that had grown over the day added to the look. He looked more gorgeous than he'd ever looked.

And she was leaking another man's cum. 

Not knowing what else to do, how to hold on, Esme looked up at him and pushed his pants down, encouraged to see he was semi-hard already. She slipped out of her skirt and shirt and knelt in front of him. 

Barry watched her, transfixed, as she opened her mouth and took hold of his cock, sucking him while she ran her fingernails up and down his thighs, dark brown curls cascading down her back. Barry felt himself growing in her mouth, felt his skin tingle where her hands touched him. He might have preferred for her to tell him what she was thinking, but getting down on her knees for him was a close second. She'd done it before, of course, he'd seen her on her knees plenty of times. But he was usually sitting down. She'd never been so intent on sucking his cock that she took him where he stood.

Her mouth was hot and soon he was covered in her saliva. She licked at him, and he watched her tongue slide along his member before, convinced he was fully aroused, she began sucking him in earnest. He'd had her a few hours prior, so cumming immediately was easy to resist, but after a few minutes of licking and sucking and sending shudders though him, she added her hands to the mix. 

Esme formed rings with the thumb and forefinger of each hand and slid up and down his cock as she licked at the tip, then began twisting her hands in opposite directions, letting them slide over his wet dick, creating sensations he hadn't known were possible. She paused the hand movements long enough to slide her head forward, relax her jaw, and slide the tip into her throat, bobbing a few times before moving her mouth away, licking at the tip and resuming her hand motions. She repeated the process over and over until he was moaning and telling her to stop.

He pushed her head away and looked down at her, looked down at her flushed face and reddened mouth, "I want to be inside you, Em. I want to fuck your pussy."

Esme released his cock from her hands and shook her head, gazed up at him and moved his hands to the sides of her head, encouraging him wordlessly to take handfuls of her hair before she whispered, "Fuck my mouth, Barry."

He looked pained for a moment but held her head still. Esme relaxed her jaw, tried her best to open her throat, as Barry towered over her where she kneeled, rocking his hips back and forth slowly, gently leading his stiff cock in and out of her mouth, the tip sinking into her throat. 

Esme moaned and, encouraged, he held firmer to her hair and sped up his movements. It didn't take long before his breaths were short and he had forgotten to be gentle, was holding her head in place while his thrusts became more and more urgent. 

When she could feel he was close to cumming Esme pushed his hands away from her head and pulled her mouth off him. Barry looked down questioningly at her, but stopped thinking when she took him in her hand and started jerking him off. Her knees were killing her but she couldn't stop, wanted him to cum. And it wasn't long before he shuddered and groaned and started spurting white fluid. He came all over her, leaving white trails on her face and chest.

"Oh, God, that was fantastic," Barry said, watching in wonder as his cum spread down her chest and abdomen. 

Esme smiled up at him, looking satisfied and oddly relieved. He watched in wonder as she stood and moved in close, giving him a firm kiss on the lips before backing away and grinning ruefully. "I think I need another shower."



Used Ch. 05



Eyes that roamed her body freely. There was a stubborn spark of lust in his eyes as he drank her in. The look, however hot was fleeting, the fire doused as quickly as it had ignited. 

For the briefest of moments she had envisoned him scooping her up in his strong arms and kissing her hard, telling her that all was forgiven and that he still loved her. 

Jamie shook her head, knowing it was a pipe dream. As she slid on a pair of olive green shorts, she cursed violently. "Get the fuck over it, Kincaid. Get over him."

A quiet knock at the door made her heart lurch. Was it really him? 

"Jay? It's me."

Jamie sighed. So much for fantasy. "It's open Nora."

Nora stepped into the room. "Are you okay? You ran past everyone."

Jamie shot her a look. "You knew he was coming." It was a declaration, not a question.

"I did, I will admit that."

"Why, Nora? After everything that's happened between me and Nate, why would you invite him?"

Nora folded her slender arms, the 'no duh' look apparent on her pretty face. "You just answered your own question, Jay. Two years is enough time to sulk, isn't it?"

"I haven't been sulking," she said somewhat guiltily.

"Bullshit. I know you've been dying to ask about Nate every time we talked over the years."

Ooh, busted. "So what Nora? What good will it do to drudge up the past?"

"It might make living a whole lot easier Jay." Her eyes softened. "You're right where you want to be in life, and yet you look so sad it makes my heart hurt for you. I'm your friend, Jamie. I want nothing but the best for you."

She felt her throat tightening as the tears started to form. "Nora Masters, you aren't going to make me cry on vacation."

Nora laughed as she dabbed at her own eyes. "Okay, I promise to ease up on you."

"And I promise to be civil for you."

Nora nodded. "Good. Now come to the store with me. I've got to make a beer run."

Jamie smiled. It would be good just to get away from all this tension at least for a bit. Clear her head, and return without thinking about how good it used to feel wrapped in a certain man's arms.

They descended the stairs and walked out down to the driveway. Jamie's good mood vanished as she saw Nate leaning casually against Danny's Lexus SUV. 

"Nora," she hissed. "What is he doing here?"

"Nate!" Nora said loudly. "Ready to go?"

Nate shot Nora a semi-irritated look. "Yeah, seein' as I was forced to go."

"That's the spirit!" she replied brightly. Nora handed Jamie the keys. "Well, you guys better get going!"

Jamie glared at Nora. "Wait, you're not coming?"

"Nope," Nora replied. "I have to go help Danny and Matt set up the fire. You'll be fine," she said, blatantly ignoring the angry look now on Jamie's face. "Nate knows where the liquor store is. Now have fun!" 

Handing Jamie fifty dollars, she turned away so they wouldn't see the huge triumphant grin on her face. She could barely keep her shoulders from shaking with laughter as she walked back up to the house.

They stood in silence. Jamie shuffled from one sandaled foot to the other. Nate's hands were shoved into the white zip-up hoodie he was now wearing and a slight scowl was on his handsome face. 

He sucked his teeth loudly, an action that pissed Jamie off for some reason. She walked around to the driver's side. As she was about to get in she looked back and saw that he had followed her. 

"What?" she asked somewhat rudely. Her brown eyes flashed.

"You know where you're goin'?" He stared at her body language. Her fingers clutched the keys and her stance was almost menacing. He couldn't help but notice she looked a little hot when she got mad.

"N..." she realized her mistake. Hurling the keys at him, she marched to the passenger side and got in.

He chuckled softly as he climbed in and started the car. Jamie folded her arms and stared out at the setting sun. The weather was gorgeous and was promising a lovely summer night. 

Too bad she had to spend it with someone who wanted nothing to do with her. Sighing, she reached for the knob to turn on the radio. 

She found a station that was playing some random pop song when he reached over and switched it to some random country channel. 

"What the..." she said.

"Driver picks the station," was all he said.

Jamie sulked and he couldn't help but chuckle again. He heard her mutter something about controlling bastards under her breath. You didn't seem to mind me in control before, he thought. 

"What did you just say?" she asked. Nate hadn't realized he'd spoken aloud. 

He could smell the beginnings of an argument in the air, so he turned up the volume on the radio. It was a slow country tune, one of his favorites. He hummed along softly as they drove past large beach estates and miles of sand. 

Jamie faintly recognized the song, a pretty thing about sharing secrets on a big brass bed. The song was clearly a love song to some girl planning to leave some guy. She sighed; maybe it was just her, but the song was hitting too close to home. 

As she stared out at the dusky sky, she realized Nate was singing along to the song. He had such a nice voice; it was deep and melodic, giving her the vision of summer rain. It made her shiver. 

The song ended just as they pulled into the small parking lot of the liquor store. Nate turned off the car and stared straight ahead. 

Damn you Josh Gracin, he thought. 

He was so busy thinking he almost missed the soft whisper of her sentence.

"You have a beautiful voice."

He nodded. "Thanks. You want me to come in with you?"

She shook her head, her dark hair falling into her face in such a way he was tempted to brush back the strands. They were hiding her beautiful face. "No, I'm good." She opened the door. "Back in a bit," she said, shutting the door behind her.

His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, his tanned knuckles turning pale. What's stopping you? Stop being an ass and talk to her. 

She was gone only a moment, returning with two cases of Corona. Nate opened his door and jogged over to the passenger side, helping with the beer and holding the door as she climbed in. 

He missed the little smile of satisfaction on her face as he got in on his side. 

"Thanks," she said as he started up the car. 

Nate pulled out the space and started the drive back to the house. "No problem."

The next few minutes were filled with reflective silence. He stole furtive glances at her. She was watching the road, her elbow rested on her bent knee. 

He watched her fingers twirl a strand of hair over and over. She was chewing on her bottom lip, something he remembered she did when she was nervous.

Say something, his brain chanted. He could tell there was something on her mind. He might as well recognize the big ass elephant in the car. Before he could stop himself, he spewed out his word vomit. 

"You fucking hurt me."

Even he was shocked. Nate didn't dare look over at her. He didn't want to see the 'fuck you' tumble from her lips. 

He was surprised at the words that followed. 

"I know." A long sigh. "I know. But it was for the best."

Nate swerved off the road into a dusky parking lot. Shutting off the car, he glared angrily at her. 

"Two years. Two years Kincaid an' you're still clingin' to that lie?"

The icy blue of his eyes blazed hotly and Jamie almost wished she hadn't opened her mouth. "Harlow, please."

"No, goddammit! You ain't weaseling out of this. You will fuckin' talk to me." He locked the doors for emphasis. 

She glared at him. "What the fuck do you want me to say?" Her fingers trembled and she balled them into a fist. Please stop, she thought.

"I want you to stop running from your problems. Own up to things, Jamie."

Jamie let a small scream of frustration. The tears flowed down her cheeks. She didn't even bother to stop them. "What do you want from me, Nate?"

"You, Jamie. I want you. I've always wanted you. Two years ago you walked a way from me, and I hated you for it. But mostly I hated myself because despite you treating me like shit I still wanted to be with you."

"Oh." Jamie was stunned. Things had gotten so far from where she wanted them to go. "Nate, I..."

"But I can't be out on this limb by myself. Tell me what the fuck you want, Jamie. I'm tired of playin' these games." 

He looked at her once more and his eyes seemed to have taken on a weary tone. He looked about ready to bawl and suddenly she felt compelled to touch him. 

Her fingers reached out tentatively, stroking his cheek. An involuntary sigh followed as her fingertips grazed over his blond stubble. 

Nate couldn't stand it. Unbuckling his seat belt, he leaned over, crushing his lips to hers. A small groan sounded deep within him as she kissed him back, the softness of her skin reminding him of better days. 

Nate cupped her cheek with his hand as his tongue dove deeper, trying to remember every inch of her. She was still crying softly, wet tears mixing salty between their mouths. 

It wasn't a kiss of passion; it was one of desperation and longing, a hunger so deep it scared him to the very core how much his body craved it. 

Nate knew she felt the same way, he could feel the same desperation in her touch, they way her body responded to the one thing she had denied it all these years. 

And as quickly as it had begun, it was over. The kiss broken, the tension hanging heavy in the air. He watched her for as long as he dared. Her eyes were still shut, lips tender from his assault. The tears streaming slowly down her face. 

He knew then he loved her. He had loved her for a long time, when he started it didn't matter. All that mattered was he loved her now. 

And he needed to know if she felt the same. 

Nate pulled away, fastening his seatbelt once more. As he started up the car and pulled out from the lot, he gripped the wheel even tighter, hoping to mask his quivering body.

********

They arrived back at the beach house in silence. Jamie barely waited for the car to park before she hopped out and yanked one of the cases from the back seat. 

She crunched up the driveway and was already in the house before Nate could get the other case of beer from the backseat. 

Nora and the others were already set up outside. The evening sky shone bright with stars. The beach was illuminated with the roaring fire already set up. 

Danny and Matt were roasting hot dogs on skewers while Nora chatted animatedly with a cute brunette whom Jamie assumed was with Matt. Everyone looked up when she practically flung the Corona at Nora and plopped down on the sand. 

"Nice drive?" Nora asked, her amber eyes feigning innocence. 

"Should I go check my car for bloodshed?" Danny asked, partly joking.

"No need, we didn't murder each other" Nate said, he stepped down off the deck to join the others. 

"Glad to know," Matt said cheerfully. "After all, you guys had the extra beer with you."

They stayed up late into the night, drinking and laughing about days gone by. It was a nice night; the stars were out and he was surrounded by good music and good friends. He watched her through the firelight. Even with the layer of distress underneath, she had a soft glow about her; it was almost impossible to stay away from. 

He tried to relax and not think about the incident in the car; how good it felt to be near her once more, her lips on his. Groaning softly, he took another sip of beer and tried to join in on the conversation. 

Danny was telling some story about their sophomore year of college. Nate smiled. He had met Danny the same time he met Matt, when they all pledged ATO. He had been just like Nate was in high school, the All-American boy. 

Danny's parents were wealthy, owning several hotel chains. He was the middle son and wasn't in line to take over the family business. They clicked instantly. Danny was sharp and bitingly funny but more than that he was a loyal friend. 

Nate knew he was completely in love with Nora, and vice versa. He looked at them now, her back resting against his chest, his arms wrapped around her as they snuggled under a fleece blanket. That's how he wanted to be. 

With Jamie. His Jamie. 

"...so Nate goes up to the stage and when the guy asks him for the cheesiest pick up line he goes 'Is that a keg in your pants, 'cause I'd definitely tap that!"

The group burst out laughing as Nate grinned. "What can I say? That line is classic. Besides, we won fifty bucks for it, didn't we?"

Matt nodded. "Yup. We spent like eight dollars at the bar that night for penny pitchers and then bought the rest in Ramen!"

Danny laughed, wiping tears of mirth from his face. "Dude, I totally remember that! We had this wall of Ramen in the room. It took us fucking months to eat it all!"

"I know man," Nate said. "To this day I can't look at a package of that stuff without getting the heebie-jeebies."

The music, Nora's mp3 player and stereo was on random when suddenly a song came on that made Jamie's heart lurch. "There's nothing like you and I..."

She looked up and found Nate staring right back at her, the firelight dancing madly in his orbs, sending a shiver running down her spine. Why this song, she thought. 

Fate. It could only be fate.

Nora saw the uneasiness between the two of them. She quickly changed the song to a more upbeat tune. "Nope, no sad songs tonight" she said, giggling. She tried to stifle the huge yawn creeping up on her. 

"You tired, honey?" Danny stared down at her. 

Nora shook her head sleepily. "I'm good." She fought off another yawn. 

He chuckled. "Liar. Alright guys, we're going to head to bed. Boardwalk tomorrow?"

Matt nodded. "Definitely. You ready for bed, Lila?" he asked his girlfriend. 

She nodded, rubbing her blue eyes and stretching. "Yeah. I'm sleepy as hell."

"That's too bad. I wasn't really planning on sleeping." He grinned wickedly at her. 

Lila laughed. "You are so bad. Are you coming in, Jamie?"

Jamie stole a glance at Nate, who was busy lying on his back, staring up at the stars.

"Uh, I'll be going to bed in a little while."

Matt nodded knowingly. "Okay. 'Night guys."

It was just the two of them now. Jamie ran her fingers through the sand, listening to the soft rise and fall of the waters, the sand sifting to rest at her feet. She shivered a little, suddenly feeling the chill of the night air. All she had on was the gauzy cover-up and shorts. 

Jamie hadn't realized Nate had moved until she felt the warmth of his soft white hoodie around her shoulders. 

"Thanks," she said quietly. He sat down next to her, his legs stretched out. Jamie drew her knees closer, wrapping her now warm arms around them. 

"You're welcome." 

More silence. It seemed to be their new thing. Two years of unsaid words, hurt feelings, and yet nothing but the waves and the lone cry of a gull bedding down for the night. 

"I'm sorry." 

She said it so softly he had to wonder if he was hearing things. He wanted her to continue on her own terms, so he waited and said nothing.

"I'm so sorry Nate. For everything. I feel like I've been punishing myself as well as you for the past two years. And over what? Leaving you hasn't done anything but make me miserable. 

You're right. I run away from things. It's been my past experience dealing with people that I love. In time, they'll leave or I'll get scared and run away, always afraid the other shoe will drop; afraid someday they'll wake up and realize the monumental mistake they've made and leave me.

I was so scared of being alone, so I hid. I pushed those feelings way down and told myself that if I could be like 'screw the world, I'll do what I want' things wouldn't be so scary; things wouldn't hurt.

And then I met you. At first it was just a game. Break you down just because I could. You were game at first, giving back as much as you got. It was thrilling. You were so hot and made me feel sexy. It was then I started to notice the little things: the way you held me after sex, the looks. I tried to run away, to push you away. 

After awhile when I realized you weren't going anywhere, I knew it had to end. School was nearing the end and I couldn't bear to have you walk out of my life."

He knew, suddenly he knew. She had cared for him and didn't know how to show it. Instead, she drove him away. His heart felt lighter finally hearing the truth, but it still stung to know she couldn't trust him enough to share her feelings. 

Silence again. Jamie clutched his hoodie around her tighter, inhaling the clean scent of his cologne, her body aching with the memory of that smell. 

"I love you," he whispered. "Loved you then. I love you still."

She stared at him, her brown eyes wide in amazement. "I..." her sentence was cut short as he pounced on her. He was everywhere, lips pressed hard against hers, his hands pushing aside the hoodie to cup her breasts. 

Jamie moaned, spreading her legs wider for him to fit. She wrapped her arms around his neck, clutching him tightly to her. She could hear his heart pounding in his chest as he unzipped his pants and freed his throbbing cock. 

Her mouth watered at the sight of it and she reached between them to stroke him. Nate growled softly, unbuttoning her shorts and yanking them down, nearly ripping them in the process. As yanked off her bikini bottoms and tossed them carelessly aside, he stared down into her eyes. 

He saw the look in them, the one he knew matched his own. He knew then this was not going to be a slow love-making. It was going to be a hard fuck, one of out of pure need held off for years. Nate reached down and thrust two fingers inside her already wet core. 

She moaned, a low guttural sound that make his dick jump. It had been so long. Boyfriends had been an afterthought, and sex? Forget about it. 

Nate placed his cock at her entrance and thrust hard into her, making both of them cry out. Jamie kicked off her shorts to wrap her brown legs around his waist. He was breathing hard, his hands braced on either side of her. 

He began to move inside her, pushing long, hard strokes. They were silent, the occasional grunt or sigh spilling out. His eyes never left hers. He watched them run the gamut of emotions, from pleasure to slight pain. He could have guessed it had been awhile from the tightness of her pussy. 

Nate supposed he wanted to punish her a little, but Jamie seemed to enjoy it. Her fingers grabbed at his back, her nails pressing sharply into his skin, threatening to break it. He would have bruises tomorrow, but he didn't care. 

He moved faster now, his cock ramming into her so hard he thought she might break. She was meeting his hips with hers, the gyration of her body letting him know she was nearing her peak. 

Her breath was coming harder now, and he noticed the wet spots on her cheeks. As he looked into her eyes, her brown fingers reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes. He had been crying. 

"Nate," she whispered. "I love you."

She squeezed him inside her and he came with a loud moan, with her following behind. Nate arched his back before falling on top of her. 

Jamie welcomed his weight against her, cradling him in her arms as his body shook; from pleasure or the sobs that now tore through him, he didn't know. 

She rubbed his back, his cock now softening inside her but she still couldn't bring herself to let him go. Never again, she thought. 

Jamie stroked his hair, whispering the three words over and over. I love you, I love you, I love you...a chant she'd never get tired of.

Nate was soothed into a silence. They stayed like that for some time, wrapped in each other arms, the waves licking at their feet as the tide loomed ever closer. 

The fire had died down long ago and they suddenly realized how dark it had become, the moonlight sparkling over the water. 




Used Ch. 05



He looked into her eyes as he kissed her gently. She smiled shyly. "Let's go upstairs." 



Used Ch. 06



Author's Note: Whew! This one took forever to get finished. But here it is, the final Used chapter. Hope you guys enjoy it. Major props to my super twin TangledinYou for helping me get a fresh perspective. You rock, chica! And now, without further ado, Nate and Jamie's story...

Sienna H.

********

Jamie woke to the sound of gulls crying out their morning song. Her eyes flew open and attempted to focus. The room was dim, the light streaks of early dawn visible in the still-night sky. 

She flung a slender arm carelessly and was surprised when all she felt was emptiness. Jamie sat upright, clutching the sea-blue sheet to her body. Was it all just a dream, she wondered. A slight pang vibrated through her heart at the thought. Her eyes shut tightly, as if to keep the idea out her head. Please let him be here, she pleaded. Don't leave me Nate. Please don't leave me.

When a warm body slid in next to hers, she nearly jumped. "Don't worry darlin'. I'm not goin' anywhere." He kissed her on the shoulder before bringing back to rest in the crook of his arm as he sat against the headboard.

"What happened?" she asked.

Nate chuckled lightly. "I just had to use the bathroom, is all." His fingers twirled idly in her dark hair.

Jamie could feel her heartbeat slowly returning to normal. "Oh."

He tilted her face up to his. "I'd never leave you like that, Jamie. That's your job, remember?"

She winced involuntarily. 

"Too soon?" he said. 

"A little" she replied while trying to attempt a smile. 

"Will an 'I love you' fix it?"

Her shoulders moved in a nonchalant shrug. "I suppose so." 

Cupping her face in his tanned hands, he kissed her deeply. A little sigh escaped, signaling the small thrill that rang throughout his body every time he was blessed with the touch of her full lips to his. He could definitely get used to it.

"I love you, Jamie." 

"I love you, Nate." She kissed his cheeks before tracing her tongue lightly over his stubble-lined jaw. "So very much."

He let out a low groan. "Darlin'. I need to feel you again." 

Jamie moved to straddle him. Their lips connected once more as she guided his hard cock into her warm pussy. She let out a small whimper when he sat her down firmly, sliding in all the way.

"Fuck" he cursed, biting down on his bottom lip to keep from screaming out. She began to rock back and forth on his cock, squeezing him tightly inside her. His hands grasped at her hips, guiding them in a circular motion. 

Jamie covered her mouth to suppress a moan. Her back arched when her thumb grazed over a dark nipple. Nate brought her closer, his mouth desperate for hers. 

"You okay baby?" he breathed. His hips thrust into her powerfully. Jamie moaned and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

"Yeah," she said. "You just feel so good, honey." 

Nate smiled. It was the first time she had called him something like that. It was either Harlow or Nate. To hear something like that roll off her tongue made him feel incredibly warm inside. His fingers ran across the smooth, dark expanse of her back as he cradled her slender body to his. 

She rode him hard, her eyes closed as her back arched with every stroke. Nate reveled in the way her body seemed to fit his. The curve of her body met perfectly with the muscle of his.

His fingers wound their way into her hair as he urged her on. Her whimpers turned into loud moans and he silenced them with his mouth. "Quiet, darlin'" he said softly. "You don't want to wake everyone else up, do you?"

Jamie buried her face into his neck as her hips rocked faster. "Shit," she cursed. She came hard, squeezing Nate's cock inside her almost painfully. With a low growl he joined her, his essence shooting deep inside her. 

Nate slid down, still cradling her to his chest. Jamie chuckled softly. "You think they heard us?" 

"Let's hope not." His breath caught in his throat as her finger lightly traced his flat nipple. 

"You know what? I really couldn't care less." She smiled up at him. "I don't think I've ever felt this happy."

He kissed the top of her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo mixed with the sea air. "I know how you feel, darlin'. Like my heart's about to burst."

"Did you know I was going to be here?" " No," he replied. "But I was kind of hopin' you were."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's crazy. I was still so mad at you, but it's like my heart was practically leapin' out of my chest when I saw you on the beach. You were lookin' so fine too."

Jamie smiled. "You don't look too bad yourself. All that southern sunshine does a body good."

Nate's eyes crinkled in a smile. Jamie noticed they were back to that loving sky blue color and all at once she realized how much she missed him. "It was more than sunshine, darlin'. I was spendin' so much time at the gym they might as well had donated a wing in my name. It was like workin' out was the only thing that helped get my mind off you."

She sighed, a low and heavy sound. "I know how you feel. My outlet was art."

"What kind of art?"

"Painting and sculpting, but sometimes it was just idle sketches." She sighed once more, only this time it was a happy one, as his fingers twirled through her hair once more. A small smile crept on her lips. He must like her hair that way.

"I didn't know you were an artist."

"Not a major one. I just do it as a stress reliever. My mom was the real artist."

This was the first time he had ever heard her mention her family. "Your mother?"

She nodded. "My mother. I do have a family, you know."

"Smartass. I know, it's just you never mentioned her before."

"Well, you and I weren't exactly close back in the day. It just seemed wrong to bring up my mother during sex."

He nodded. "Good point. So, does your mother still do art?"

Jamie was quiet for a moment. "Can we not talk about this right now?"

His fingers paused in her hair. He was sure she was trying to shut down again, but he didn't want to force it. "Sure, darlin'. Let's get some sleep, alright?"

Jamie kissed his chest. "Okay. I love you."

Nate yawned. "I love you too." ********

It was a beautiful Saturday on the boardwalk. Jamie could barely contain her excitement. She had never been to the beach before and all the kitschy shops on the boardwalk were a sight to behold. 

Nate kept laughing at her. She was like a little kid in a toy store; she was wearing brown shorts and matching flip-flops with a sky blue tank top. Her hair was down and flowing and he was really starting to like it that way. 

She kept tugging his hand, begging him to go into different stores. Nora smiled knowingly at them. Everyone had taken noticed of the change in their behavior, but thankfully no one mentioned anything.

"Jamie, you're like a kid on sugar" he remarked. 

She smiled. "I can't help it! It's a gorgeous day and I've got a great guy on my arm. What could be better?"

Wrapping her arms around his waist, she brought him close for a gentle kiss. 

Nate groaned happily before pulling away. "Whatever you're on, I definitely want some."

"You already have it," she said sweetly. "It's called love."

He laughed loudly. "That was corny darlin', even for you." She laughed along with him. 

"Don't make fun because I'm serious. Now, let's go shopping."

They stayed on the boardwalk for quite some time, walking along the wooden planks and taking peeks inside the stores. They had decided to buy each other small gifts. Jamie bought a Nate a hemp bracelet with various colored beads and smooth sea glass woven in. She thought the blue in the bracelet matched his eyes perfectly. His present to her was silver necklace. The pendant was polished stone the color of the sea. 

Jamie thought the day was perfect. After getting back from the boardwalk, they made frenzied love in the shower of Jamie's bathroom before joining everyone for a barbeque dinner on the beach. There was a silly grin on her face that was positively hard to get rid of. This, this feeling here was something she'd been longing to feel her entire life.

As she helped Lila bring the dishes from outside into the kitchen, Nora stopped her. 

"My, don't we look goofy."

"I can't help it Nora. I am so fucking happy."

Nora grinned. "I'm happy for you Jay. I can't think of anyone more deserving."

"It's like I've been waiting my whole life to feel this good."

Nora rinsed the dishes and handed them to Jamie, who placed them in the dishwasher. "You love him?" she asked gingerly. 

Jamie eyed her wistfully. "I do. I really do. And he loves me."

Nora hugged her best friend tightly. "I'm glad, Jay. I know how important this is for you. And I don't mean to burst your bubble...but what happens when he leaves tomorrow?"

She was thoughtful. "Fuck. I completely forgot about that. He was only here for the weekend." All at once it seemed like her good mood was rapidly deflating. 

"Honey, no. Don't think about it that way. "

"Nora what am I going to do? I can't just let him leave but he has a life of his own to get back to." She slapped her hand to her forehead. "How the fuck was I expecting this to work?"

Nora grasped her friend's hands in hers. "If you two love each other as I know you do, then you can work it out. This s not the end of the world, Jay. You will figure it out."

********

She was biting down hard on the sheets, legs trembling almost violently as she willed herself to keep quiet. It was so hard to do, especially with him above her, his creamy hands on her dark hips, his hard cock plunging into her dewy folds. 

Nate grabbed a handful of her hand and pulled her up from all fours to cup her neck. 

"You gonna come for me darlin'?"

There were no words coming from her mouth, just heavy gasps of pleasure. She whimpered loudly when his fingers slid down her body, already coated with sweat to rub her clit. He circled the little button with his thumb before flicking it back and forth rapidly. 

"N-nate," she heaved. 

"Ahh, I knew my pussy was creamin' for me," he whispered wickedly. "That's right, my pussy. You're all mine, Jamie Kincaid."

"Oh," she moaned. "Fuck!" She came in a shuddering explosion, her limbs almost growing rigid. Nate bit down almost painfully on her shoulder as his orgasm hit. She fell to the bed, stretching out on her stomach. He followed suit, the creamy tan of his body covering the golden caramel glow of hers. 

"Jesus," he breathed. "I don't think I'll ever get enough of you."

She was still trembling underneath. He thought it was just from pleasure until he heard the sniffling. 

"Jamie? Darlin' are you alright?" He slid out of her before turning her to face him. His callused thumbs brushed away the large tears now spilling from her cheeks. It was amazing; he had never seen her cry before and now it was breaking his heart. 

Nate gathered her in his arms. "Jamie'" he said, his voice breaking a little. "Please tell me what's wrong."

Jamie sobbed into his shoulder. "I...It's nothing."

"Don't tell me it's nothing when I know damn well something's up."

Jamie felt like her heart was breaking. "I can't do this anymore, Nate." She felt his arms stiffen around her. Suddenly she felt herself being shaken by the shoulders. 

"Goddammit, Jamie!" he cursed. "You can't keep doin' this. I thought we moved past this." He felt the anger surge in his chest. This cannot be happenin', he thought angrily. Not again. 

She sobbed harder, the tears falling freely now. "We have, you jackass! That's the problem."

"What are you talkin' about?"

"You're going to leave me tomorrow!" She wrenched away from his grasp, bringing her knees up to her chest. 

Nate stared at her incredulously. Did she really believe he would leave her like that, after everything they shared? "Jamie," he said softly, the anger draining from his words. "Honey look at me." 

Jamie turned reluctantly to face him. 

"I have to go back. I have a life in Nashville and as much as I am so glad you and I worked things out, I have to take care of things back home."

She sniffed loudly. "So, was I just your vacation fuck?"

His blue eyes turned icy and she almost regretted the words. "You know, if I didn't love you so much I just might strangle you. Jamie, you are more than just a vacation fuck and you know that."

She sighed. "I know. It's just..." her sentence trailed off. 

"What? What is it?"

Jamie sighed. The words were trying to come out, but it felt like thee was an invisible wall blocking her. "It's nothing. I'm sorry for getting so upset."

Nate gritted his teeth; she was lying and he knew it. But he didn't want to push the subject because tonight was supposed to be special. "Don't worry about it baby. Let's just make this night memorable. We can worry about what happens next when the sun comes up."

********

It was early Sunday morning. Jamie sat on the edge of the bed in Nate's room, watching him stuff his clothes in a dark green duffel bag. "Do you even know how to fold clothes?" she asked. 

Nate shrugged. "Why fold 'em? I just gotta wash them when I get back home." He walked to the adjoining bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush and shower stuff. "You gonna come see me off at the airport?"

"Isn't that going to make it harder?"

He tossed his toothbrush in his duffel and crouched down to meet her eyes. She was already fighting the tears. Don't do this again, she willed herself. 

"Baby, seein' you like this is already hard enough. If you don't want to come I will definitely understand." His hand went out to hers, stroking the soft brown skin. 

Jamie chewed her bottom lip. "I'm gonna miss you."

"Me too. Now where's the sarcasm? I miss my old Jamie." His hand started to reach under her flouncy white skirt.

"Hey!" she exclaimed as she slapped his hand away. "Old Jamie says you're not getting any right now. Why don't you hit on some southern skank when you get back to Nashville, Rascal Flatts?"

Nate grinned devilishly. "Nah son," he said in a thick Northern accent. "I don't like them Southern girls." He pushed her back on the bed as he slid up her body. "I want that sweet Yankee brown sugar." Jamie giggled as he kissed her neck. "Mmm, sweet and spicy, that's how I like my skanks."

"Shut up," she squealed, trying to push him off her. "I'm not your skank."

"My ho? My girl?" His blue eyes twinkled. "My shawty?"

They both burst out laughing. 

"Get out of here before you miss your plane, jackass."

His thumb ran soft circles around her nipple. "One more for the road?" he asked.

Jamie sighed. "Nate, I'm so tired. I think six times in one day may be my limit." Even as she protested, her dark legs began to spread slowly, her skirt rising up. Her hips began to involuntarily grind against his, the friction making both of them breathe heavier. 

Nate groaned. "Are you sure about that? His hand snaked under her skirt as he slid a finger inside her soaking pussy. "Mmm, feels like you're up for it."

She chuckled. "Speak for yourself. That thing is poking me in the stomach."

"Aww, don't be cruel darlin'. You'll hurt his feelings."

Her hand moved between them, unzipping his khaki shorts and diving into them. She pumped him slowly, enjoying the way his face scrunched in pleasure. The way he bit his lip to suppress the manly moan dying to break free was so erotic. She knew now, more than ever it was going to be hard to let him go again. 

"Fuck," he growled. His cheek grazed hers and she trembled from the sensation of his stubble. 

"Nate, when I see you next I want your hair to be longer," she whispered sweetly, her hand still fisting his rock hard cock. 

"Whatever you say, baby" he moaned. He would agree to anything at this point. "Just don't fucking stop."

Her hand left his member for a moment before she was positioning him at her entrance. Her hips thrust powerfully, connecting them and she whimpered loudly. 

Nate rammed into her, making both of them. He fucked her hard, in the middle of his bed, slamming into her pussy. He was reminded of that time on the beach; somehow this felt the same. He was leaving her and he was pretty miffed. But he had to get back to work, and try to sort out his life.

Jamie's legs wrapped around his waist, her heels pressing into his ass. Her head was tilted back, the only sound a series of heavy breaths. "I'm gonna come," he groaned. He went over the edge, coming in a wave of almost blinding white. He felt her shuddering climax as he kissed her softly. 

"Now that was a goodbye," he said, his mega-watt grin practically contagious.

Jamie scoffed. "Goodbye? No, that was definitely not a goodbye; more like 'until then'."

********

She walked back into the kitchen to see Danny and Nora covered in flour. They were supposed to be baking cookies but the batter lay forgotten in a bowl on the counter as they kissed each other softly. 

Jamie sighed. She missed Nate. It had been only yesterday when Matt dropped him off at the airport. He called her when his plane landed and when he got back to his house. She excused herself from the dinner table and locked her door when their conversation turned steamy. 

A slight blush crept into her face. She had never been this insatiable. Nora joked that they had over two years of good lovin' to make up.

"Oh eww, you two" she said, making a dramatic face. "No one wants to see that."

Nora pulled away from Danny and shot her friend a look. "Yeah? Well no one wanted to hear you and Nate hump like bunnies all weekend, but I guess we can't always get what we want."

"Yeah, Jay" Danny chimed in. "It was just like being back at ATO."

Jamie rolled her eyes. "Whatever guys. What happened was your fault, meddlin' with people."

Nora raised a blonde eyebrow in amusement. "Meddlin', huh? Seems like Nate's rubbed off on you more than we thought."

"Oh...that's just wrong Nora," she said grinning. 

"How you holding up?" Matt asked as he entered the kitchen. 

"I'm fine, guys. Stop worrying about me." She tried to force a smile. Things weren't fine. She missed Nate way too much, and that bothered her. "Nora, you wouldn't mind if I took off a little early, do you?"

Nora glanced at her, a worried expression crossing her pretty features. "What's wrong, Jamie?"

"Nothing. I just...I really need to get some perspective."

Nora opened her mouth as if in protest, but Danny stopped her. "No worries, Jamie. I'll drive you back up. Nora can chill out here with Matt and Lila."

Jamie smiled, relief coursing through her veins. She knew where she wanted to go, the one place that always made her feel absolutely amazing.

********

It had been two days of solid driving since Danny dropped her off at her car. Two days filled with burger wrappers and Styrofoam cups of cappuccino. Nora had called several times just to check in on her. She talked to her briefly, wanting to get back to her music and her solitude. Though she didn't want to admit it, her thoughts were driving her crazy. Too much time to think things over was making her paranoid. 

She had made of elaborate fantasies of Nate with other women, their limbs entwined intimately as he did the things she liked. Stop it, she urged herself. He loves you. 

Maybe...maybe not, the little voice whispered nastily. Or maybe he'll just leave like all the others. 

Jamie gripped the steering wheel tightly as she turned onto a narrow dirt road. All at once she felt her bad mood slowly ebb. Being here always made her feel so good. She made a sharp left turn and started up a dirt driveway before pulling up to a modest brick house with a white wraparound porch. A white wicker swing sat in a corner of the porch which had many large potted plants and flowers placed haphazardly. 

Turning off the car, she got out and stretched languidly. She closed her eyes and tilted her face towards the afternoon. She breathed deeply and smiled, the warm Georgia air caressing her skin.




Used Ch. 06



They ate breakfast together, the next morning. Ben looked like he'd been run over by a truck and Audrey was sullen. Barry, who had got up early to make pancakes and bacon, and had then roused everyone from sleep, was looking content. Esme had a knot in her stomach and could barely eat. She was trying not to look at Ben, who was studiously avoiding looking at anyone. She hoped everyone would assume that his behavior was the result of his latest hangover, and part of it likely was. But the other part of it was, no doubt, that he had been inside of her last night. Inside of Esme, that is, not Audrey; although perhaps he'd been inside of Audrey, too. 

  She wanted to throw up, but instead she took another bite of bacon, before setting the slice down and reaching for her water. 

  "So, how do you guys know each other again?" Audrey asked the question, and she was clearly asking Ben, not Barry. Ben looked woozy when he said, "Mutual friends, I guess. I think we've seen each other around at parties."

  Audrey looked mad, and unconvinced. "Popcorn parties?"

  "What?" Ben asked, and Esme shoveled a mouthful of pancakes into her mouth, though she wasn't particularly fond of pancakes, and wasn't particularly hungry.

  Audrey was actively working not to clench her teeth. "I mean, last night we made popcorn without butter for her," she indicated to Esme with a dismissive wave of her hand, and Esme sunk lower in her chair. Did she know about last night?

  Barry, sensing trouble, said, "Audrey, what's this about?"

  "I'm just wondering why my fiancé knows how your girlfriend likes her popcorn. Because that's not something I really ever remember about any of my acquaintances." She looked at Ben, eyebrows raised. Her voice had a forced lightness to it. If thin ice were ever to speak to you, this is what it would have sounded like.

  Ben opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. He stammered something unintelligible, and silence settled over the table. Ben was not a good liar, and never had been. Esme glanced at Barry but he seemed lost for words, as well. She tried not to look to her left at Audrey, for fear the girl would snap and stab her with her fork.

  The silence became a fifth guest at the table, and Esme knew if it went on much longer there was no turning back. Fuck it, she decided, though she had no idea what she was going to say she knew someone had to come up with something. "It's okay, Ben, you can tell her, I don't mind." She took another bite of pancakes, stalling, and Ben just shook his head helplessly. She smiled, laughed a little, and swallowed the pancakes. "It's kind of an embarrassing story for me."

  Barry and Ben had stopped moving, and Audrey's posture had loosened for the first time that morning. Esme sat up a little straighter and started talking. Where she would finish, no one knows. "We've seen each other at a few parties, and I had developed quite the crush on Ben here after the first two times I saw him. But the third time I saw him he arrived really late to a party I was at up on hillside, and I kind of decided to work up the courage to talk to him, but I was plastered and apparently looking pretty green. I think Ben must've seen the writing on the wall because he made it his mission to feed me." Esme took another bite of pancakes, and her stomach turned, she was full and wasn't sure she could force the bite down, but she needed to stall. A glance around the table made her realize Ben and Barry were both as still as statues, not knowing what she'd be able to pull out of her ass on short notice. She wished she had some sort of clue.

  Esme swallowed, took a sip of water and continued, "So anyway, all they had left at that point was popcorn. But it was buttered, and it was from the bottom of the bowl so it was really buttered, just saturated with it. Well, I don't eat a lot of butter and I told him I don't like butter on my popcorn, just salt." She took another sip of water, and made a show of clearing her throat. "But I was in bad shape, and he made me eat some. And I was still kind of nervous around him, and thinking I might like him, so I ate a bite. And it was like eating fast food fries where the grease just coats your mouth, and the popcorn itself was kind of slimy and gross. And I just-- couldn't. I vomited, mostly into the bowl of popcorn but I'd had a lot to drink, and there was some splash and I got some throw up on his arm and leg, too. So, you know," Esme took another drink of water, "it was probably hard to forget after that that I didn't like butter on my popcorn."

  Audrey's mouth had fallen open, and there was silence around the table. She had no idea if the girl had fallen for it, her expression did not give her away at all. "Oh, God, how embarrassing!" Audrey finally said, leaning forward and squeezing Esme's hand. "I am so sorry I put you on the spot and made you tell that story."

  Ben and Barry visible relaxed, and Esme shrugged, feeling as though she really was going to be sick. Or go to hell. Or both. "It's okay. My crush on Ben kind of died alongside my pride, and the rest is history." She looked over at Barry and smiled, and found herself confronted with an expression of awe on his face.

  They finished up breakfast and she was surprised when it was Audrey, and not the extremely worse for wear Ben, who went upstairs for a food-coma nap. Ben and Barry started clearing the table, cleaning up, so she moved into the hallway. She pulled on her boots, coat, hat and gloves and stepped out into the frigid morning air, moving carefully down the icy steps and walking in the direction of the lake.

  She had no idea what she was going to do. She had lost the opportunity she had to explain herself, and her actions, last night. What was she going to say? That it was an accident? That she hadn't meant to have sex with Ben on the kitchen counter? Their weekend getaway had been coated in so many falsehoods she couldn't imagine thinking back on it fondly. But at the same time, Barry had spent much of the weekend holding her in his arms, and she had been content, for once. She had felt loved. And, as is her way, she had managed to completely destroy the happiness and replace it with misery.

  The snow crunched beneath her Bunny boots, and the cold wind burned her exposed cheeks and nose. This was a paradise, of sorts. It was an arctic paradise, but still a paradise. It was a still day, with the lake frozen over, only a few caws from crows, but all other wildlife keeping quiet. She had come here with Barry with the hope that they would move their relationship forward, into something traditional. Things had not worked out that way and she was close to cutting her losses and running. Except that she and Barry had driven out here, together, and running away and leaving him to ride back with Ben and Audrey and without an explanation would be rude. But then, rudeness was the least of her concerns at this point.

  What she needed to do was cut ties. It was not like she was locked into their group of friends, in fact they did not share mutual friends. They had gone to different high schools, and she had been three years behind them. She could potentially cut her losses and never have to see either of them again, and wasn't it better to do it now, before things got too complicated. Although, since she was madly in love with Barry, that was a bit like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped.

  Esme sat down on the ground, resigning herself to a wet ass, and lay back, looking up toward the grey winter sky. It was hard to imagine an option beyond breaking it off. Everything else would be forever dragging her history with Ben behind it. What new relationship could carry that kind of weight?

  It was possible that it was too late for the both of them. When he woke her up this morning, he had not shaken her awake. She had woken to find him next to her in bed, fully dressed, propped up on one elbow and looking down at her, a tender look of longing on his face that sent her heart thudding against her chest wall.

  "Good morning," he had whispered, pushing a stray curl off her face and lowering his mouth to hers. She had accepted his kiss, returned it, reveled in it. She had wrapped her arms around him and shuddered more from pleasure than from the cold when he pushed the covers down, revealing her cotton camisole.

  Still groggy from sleep she had watched him pull down her camisole, exposing first one breast, then the other, and lowering his mouth. She had winced and curled her toes when his teeth closed over her nipple and he drew his head upward. A fire ignited inside of her, all at once, and she had pushed his head and the covers down, pushing his face between her legs. 

  He'd caught on quickly to what she wanted, and didn't waste time by removing her panties. Instead he pulled them to the side and lowered his mouth to her, lapping at her clit as he pushed the folds of her pussy apart. Esme had sighed and leaned back, working her hand inside the waistband of his fleece pants to find him hard. She'd run her hand over the length of his cock and found some pre-cum at the tip, then pushed his pants down, freeing him and guiding his cock toward her mouth. Her tongue darted out, tasting him, before she closed her lips around him and applied suction. 

  Barry had repositioned, straddling her head in an effort to make sure she had the best possible access and his hips started rocking, a barely perceptible motion pushing the shaft further into her mouth.

  She had come first, her legs shaking as she moaned around him, and he lifted his head away from her, stilling his movements as he concentrated on what she was doing. She sucked him off, using her hands to guide thrusts that sent the head of his cock into her throat before pushing him out again and sucking on his head while she worked the shaft with his hands. 

  "Oh, that's good," he had hissed, his head falling forward to watch. When she felt he was getting close she let him push farther into her throat, created a little bit more suction and worked him with her hands until he said, "Oh, I'm gonna come."

  She had pulled her mouth away to ask him where he wanted to come, and been surprised when he used the opportunity to get off her face and turn around. She had expected he would have wanted the opportunity to release his load on her face again, but instead he slid inside her pussy in one smooth stroke and grunted, and she felt him spasm inside of her as he emptied his balls into her, and after the first few streams of cum he'd made a few strokes inside of her, drawing out his orgasm.

  He had kissed her, then, his mouth almost crushing hers as he pushed his tongue into her mouth. She could taste her pussy on his lips as his arms snaked around her. He'd lain down then, pulling her over on top of him, kissing the top of her head as she felt his cum escaping, wetting the insides of her thighs.

  "I could get used to having you this close all the time," he had said, and she'd squeezed him tightly in an embrace she hoped conveyed her feelings, because she hadn't had the words.

  Esme still didn't have the words.

  She watched her breath rise above her as the gas turned to water and ice, white clouds ascending to the sky. She was getting colder, and laying still wasn't helping. She stood, brushing snow off of her clothes and taking one last look across the large expanse of ice before turning back to the path through the woods leading back to the house. 

  The walk back was up an incline, so she could see the roof of the house over the trees as she approached. As she got closer, she heard voices, both recognizable. Barry and Ben were shouting at each other.

  "What I'm saying is you can't trust her, you don't know what I know about her--"

  "You're hardly someone I'm going to trust on the subject, Ben, you aren't exactly trustworthy. She is."

  "You saw what happened in there, you watched her lie like that. You're going to tell me you can believe anything she says after you saw that performance? She's a masterful liar, she's manipulative and she's a fucking slut!"

  Esme had just entered the clearing of the house's lot when Barry punched Ben. Ben dropped to the ground and Esme found herself frozen in place, her hands pressed against her mouth to muffle a cry.

  Barry turned to walk away, holding his knuckles and shaking his head. Ben didn't stay down long, and in moments was on his feet and running for "Barry!" Esme shouted, but not soon enough. Barry turned just as Ben tackled him, sending them both to the ground in a jumble of arms and legs. Ben recovered first, slammed his fist into Barry's ribs. A strangled sound came from Barry, and he rolled over, pulling Ben back as he tried to stand. Barry, heavier, more muscular, had no trouble pinning him and holding him there with one arm while punching him, repeatedly, in the face.

  "Stop!" A voice rang out. It was a female voice but it wasn't hers. Esme looked up to see Audrey on the porch in yoga pants and a T-shirt, no bra restricting ample breasts. She ran forward a few steps, then hesitated once she passed the overhang of the roof and the snow on the ground. She was without socks or shoes.

  Nothing stopped. Blood was pouring from Ben's nose, staining the snow a sickening red. Audrey looked at her, but Esme was frozen in place, watching in horror and unable to move.

  Audrey moved. She sprinted, barefoot, through the snow and, screaming, pulled Barry off of Ben. Barry stopped, once he heard her, as if coming out of some dream-state he looked down at his hand as he stood, staggered, and spit. Esme moved forward, and saw the evidence of their brawl on Barry's face. She was afraid to look at him, worried about his thoughts following his fight with Ben. Had Ben said anything false? Wasn't she a liar? Wasn't she a slut? Hadn't she proved all of that last night?

  Ben had gotten to his feet, was holding his shirt to his face and pushing Audrey toward the door. She wasn't having any of it. Esme tried not to look at her nipples through the thin cotton, she was obviously cold. Audrey moved toward Barry, a firestorm crossing her face, her eyes alight with anger. Esme was freezing cold but she didn't dare move.

  "What the fuck is wrong with you?" she was screaming, and Ben was holding her, trying to pull her back. "What the fuck, Barry?"

  Barry shook his head, looked sadly from Audrey to Esme and back again, then walked toward the house at a brisk pace, slamming the door behind him. Everyone followed, though Esme did so on shaking legs.

....

  "I'm fine, it's fine," Barry said, wincing as Esme dabbed at his cuts with a damp cloth. She'd given him ice for his fist, and he sat, holding it, almost in a trance. She was afraid to move too quickly, speak too loudly, worried that if he snapped out of it they would have to talk. It would be the talk.

  She went to the sink and rinsed the cloth, wringing it dry, shaking. She'd never seen a fistfight. Never seen anything so violent, so close. Never seen a face like Ben's before the cuts closed, and the bruises formed. She had never seen best friends extinguish their relationship so violently, and certainly not seen anything like it done for her.

  Barry flexed his hand, winced, then quickly relaxed his face and brought his uninjured left hand up to the cut on his eye. His nose wasn't broken, had just been bloodied, and he didn't take nearly the beating Ben did. But then, that's usually what happens when you're bigger, and more pissed, and you hit first.

  "I don't want to do this," Esme said, he voice catching on the words. She didn't want to destroy the longest running friendship in either man's life but she had. And she'd possibly ruined Barry's relationship with his sister, who hadn't even bothered to let them know where she was taking Ben when she left, though clearly it would end in sutures, it had to. But none of it was anything compared to what she'd done to him last night, and he didn't even know about that yet.

  Barry nodded, stood, walked over to the sink where she was. They looked at each other in the mirror and swiped away tears. He ran a hand over her haid, almost sadly, and shook his head. "I know," he said, pulling her against him, pressing his face into her hair and inhaling, breathing her in. Another tear came and she swiped at it. "We don't have to," he said.

  He could have punched her in the kidney and it might have been kinder. A strangled sob escaped her lips. Was it relief? Despair? An unholy mixture of the two? He was letting her off the hook, he might never find out what she'd done. But he might as well have gutted her. The sobbing was uncontrollable, and humiliating. That he had to hold her while she cried was humiliating, and that he did hold her while she cried was even more humiliating.

  "Sssh," he said, rocking her gently. The comfort only made her cry harder. "We can go before they get back, we don't have to see them again if you don't want to."

  Confusion and something else-- hope?-- rose in her. 

  "I won't ask you to see them again unless you want to, unless you're ready," he said, pulling back and tilting her head back. "It will blow over and they'll want me at the wedding, and I'll want you to go, too, Esme, but I won't ever ask," he cupped her face in his hands, smiled gently, "Esme, I--" This time Barry's voice cracked, and he looked at her, helpless. But he didn't say it, couldn't. But she couldn't blame him because she couldn't say it, either. Not here, in this house, after this weekend. 

  He looked at her, expectantly, and she knew he was waiting for her. That he couldn't be first, not this time. It was on the tip of her tongue, but pride held her back. She could be reading the situation wrong. He could be in shock, would change his mind once it cleared on the way back to the city. So why put herself out there like that? Why commit to this relationship in that way, when she would never have the moral high ground. That no matter if he never knew, she would know, and she would always be less somehow, because of it. How do you get over something like that? She couldn't say it either, and time seemed to stop for their standstill.

  "I love you."



 They did not make love. The emotions were too raw for that. As soon as those words were out his lips were on hers, his hands everywhere, her shirt over her head and on the floor. Her pants followed, and then she was pushed against the door, held by his weight as he pushed his own pants down, and it mystified her how she could be so wet again already. How many times had he been inside of her and she was still ready to go. He slid inside of her, not gently. He fucked her against the door, gave her bruises she would find later, where her hip bones had been pressed against the wood, took her to the edge before pulling out, and pulling her to the bed. He pushed her down and took off his shirt, tossing it on the ground as if it were on fire. When he entered her again he filled her completely, stretched her, made her weak with pleasure. 

  Barry pulled her thighs up and she obliged, wrapping them around his hips. She saw him looking down to where their bodies met, and she raised herself up on her elbows, so she could watch too. His cock was coated in her juices, slick and wet. Every time he entered her, each short, hard thrust, made her breasts bounce. She could feel her orgasm building, a sweet hot pressure building between her legs. 

  Esme moved her hand down between her legs, everything was wet. Her fingers were soon covered and she was able to glide them easily over her clit, back and forth, until her hips were bucking and she could see him working to hold on. He pulled out, pushed her fingers away and held his hand over his cock, pushing it down as he thrust back and forth, this time over her clit. She came swiftly, cried out. She fell back as the waves of pleasure hit and then she heard him grunt, looked up to see cum shoot from the tip of his cock, one stream coating her abdomen, sinking into her bellybutton, the next making it up to her breasts, almost to her neck.




Used Ch. 06



Barry collapsed on the bed next to her, and for once she felt relaxed, unburdened. And then they heard the garage door open. Next to her, Barry groaned. There had not been time fore Audrey and Ben to make it into the village at all, which meant something had forced them back to the house. 

  It was, it turned out, a tree that had fallen, blocking the only road back to civilization.



Used Ch. 06



"Is that my Jamie-bear?" a voice called out behind the screen door.

"Hey, Momma" she said softly. 

The door swung open and a slender woman stepped out. She was a soft brown sugar color, her eyes warm and inviting. Her long black hair fanned out wildly behind her. She was wearing a pair of dark denim jeans tucked into cowboy boots and a short-sleeved flannel button down shirt. 

With the exception of a few hardly noticeable wrinkles, Maureen Sinclair could have been mistaken as daughter's twin sister.

Maureen smiled. "Look at you, all skin and bones girl. What the hell have you been eatin' up in New York?" Jamie smiled as she bounded up the porch steps and grabbed her mother in a tight hug. Hot tears stung her eyes as they fell onto her Momma's shirt. She inhaled her scent deeply, smelling like a mixture of the original Dial soap she still used and freshly made peach caramel cheesecake. She missed that smell; it reminded her of better times.

Maureen rubbed her back soothingly. "It's okay, Jamie-bear. I'm just glad you came to see me." She smiled, her chocolate eyes lighting up. "Come on in. I've got lunch warmin' for you."

She stepped inside after her mother into the cool interior of the house. Though the outside looked a little old, inside was a different story. Maureen had bought the house many years ago as a fixer-upper project and it had taken her several months to get it just the way she wanted. Each room had a different theme and color. Jamie loved it; her mother was so talented. 

They walked into the large kitchen, painted a soft honey color. Maureen opened the microwave and removed the cloth covering a large blue plate. 

Jamie grinned as her mother set down the plate in front of a stool on the light stone counter. "Momma this is too much."

Maureen shook her head. "Ain't no such thing," she replied, the twang of her accent becoming even more noticeable. "Especially now since I seen how gangly you are. Eat up, baby girl. I made your favorites."

Picking up her fork, she dove into the large helping of mashed potatoes on her plate. Her mouth was practically watering as she savored her mother's good cooking. God, she missed food like this. Thick-cut meatloaf on toasted and buttered sandwich bread with just a touch of beef gravy, fluffy mashed potatoes and buttered broccoli. It was total comfort food and just what she needed.  "Momma, this is just awesome. You don't know how much I needed this."

"Of course I do, baby girl." She brought two bottles of beer to the counter. "Now why don't you tell me what the hell is goin' on?"

Taking a deep breath, she started at the beginning. Jamie told her mother about her first encounter with Nate over two years ago and the event leading up to their bitter parting. At first she was a little embarrassed to reveal the sexual nature of their relationship, but her mother was never one to judge in the first place. 

Maureen didn't interrupt her daughter; she listened intently while sipping her beer. 

"...and that's how I ended up here," Jamie said.

Maureen chuckled. "Lord, I say you've had a tough go of things. I do gotta ask you one question, honey. Are you in love with him?"

She was silent for a moment before she nodded feverishly. "Yeah. I am. I'm very much in love with him."

"So what's the problem Jamie-bear? Why are you sittin' here shootin' the shit with your Momma instead of headin' to Nashville?"

She sighed. "I don't know Momma. I feel like there's this huge wall just holding me back from...just being happy. It's like every time I think things are going to be okay, there's this little voice that persuades me otherwise. I just need to know that things are going to work out before I invest my time and heart into this."

Maureen covered her hand. "Baby girl, if you're waitin' for things to work out perfectly, then you'll be waiting a helluva long time. You're never gonna know how things will go unless you take that first step. Stop being so scared of love, honey."

The tears welled in her brown eyes and Jamie swiped at them. "I don't want to get hurt, Momma. And I don't want to hurt him anymore. He's such a good guy. You'd like him a lot. I'm just terrified he's gonna leave me. It's like having this perfect gift just snatched away without warning."

Maureen smiled. "Well Jamie, running away ain't gonna solve anything either. It's not gonna make the hurt any less painful. You think just by denying yourself and him the happiness you both want just because you're afraid...that's just bullshit baby girl. I didn't raise any bullshit artists."

They both smiled. "But Momma, look at you. You trusted someone with your heart and he hurt you."

Her mother was thoughtful for a moment. "Ahh, I see. Are you afraid he'd hit you? 'Cause Momma's got a pistol you can use."

Jamie laughed through her tears. "No, not that. He wouldn't dare do that. I'd castrate him. I'm talking about emotional hurt."

"I see, honey. But you have to understand something. Nate isn't your father. You've seen your daddy's cruelty along with his sparse kindness. I'd like to say that there is something redeemable inside, but even after all these years I don't think I can. Your father hurt me deep, and in front of my babies." She waved the words away as if they were flies. "But that's beside the point. From what you've told me about this boy, I don't doubt his love for you. Maybe you need to do the same."

********

Two Days Later...

Nate plopped down on his sofa, his t-shirt sticking to his back. He tossed the earphones from his sweaty ears and practically pelted them on the sofa. The phone on the side table was ringing loudly. 

Snatching it from the hook, he pressed the 'ON' button. 

"'Lo?" he said gruffly.

"You answer the phone like that all the time?" 

Nate grinned. "Only when it's someone I can't stand. How goes it, Ms. Masters."

Nora chuckled. "It goes well. I'm surprised you're home."

"Well, I do have off days."

"I'm not talking about that, Harlow."

Nate sighed. "I'm not gonna chase after her, Nora."

"Nate..."

"No," he interrupted. "It's been almost a week and I haven't heard from her."

"Last time I talked to her she was still at her mother's place in Macon."

"I know where she is. She sent me a text." He chuckled bitterly. "Imagine that. She sent me a fuckin' text."

Nora sighed. "She's scared, Nate" she said quietly.

"Nora, sooner or later that excuse just stops workin'. I'm scared too. I'm tired of havin' to prove myself and my love over and over."

"Nate, there's a lot of stuff about Jamie you apparently don't know."

He sighed. "Masters, what I don't know about Jamie could fill a textbook. Every time I think she's goin' to open up and let me in, there goes the fuckin' wall." 

Nora was so silent he thought she hung up the phone. "Nate," she said slowly. "I'm not sure if I'm the one to tell you all this, but there's some stuff from Jamie's past you don't know about. Stuff about her father."

He stiffened. "What about?"

"I don't know all the details, but they aren't close at all." "Well, what about her mother? She mentioned she was an artist?"

"Yes. She lives in Georgia. She left Jamie's father when Jamie was young."

"Nora, what are you tryin' to say?" He could feel himself becoming flustered. 

"Well, she never really said...but I think her father was kind of an asshole."

"Is that all you know?"

"Yeah. That's why you need to talk to her. Find out the whole thing, Nate. Don't leave until you tell everything and vice versa. You love her, right?"

He sighed. "More than anythin'."

"Then fucking go get her."

********

"Momma, what happened between you and my father?"

Jamie and Maureen were sitting on the wicker swing on the front porch, sipping peach tea and watching the Georgia sun set in the sky. The air was still thick with heat but it was a gorgeous night out. 

Maureen was quiet for some time, mulling over the question her daughter asked her. It had been a long time coming. The sound of crickets making their dusk symphony could be heard for miles. 

"Jamie, you know what happened" she replied. 

"I guess I do. But maybe I just want to know why. Why did you leave me?"

"Jamie," she sighed. 

But Jamie shook off her protests. "I remember the day you left. I was sitting in the kitchen with Rina, listening to him beat the shit out of you. I was so happy to see you come down those steps. It was just like showing Rina that you were strong enough to leave him." Her voice faltered a little. "I begged you to take me, Momma. You knew how much he hated me, and yet you left me there. You have no idea what it was like living with him after you were gone. He didn't beat me, but I'm not sure what was worst: getting beaten or being ignored."

Maureen's hand grasped her daughter's. "Jamie-bear, I wanted to take you with me. I did. But I just couldn't. I didn't even know where I was going at the time and I couldn't just upset your life. My plan was always to start over, make a comfortable life, and bring you and your sister to me."

Jamie felt the familiar sting of tears. She had cried more in the last days than in her whole life. "Well, you never came back for me."

Maureen nodded. "I did. Nearly a year after I left I came back to the house to pick you up. You and Rina were at school. Your father met me at the door and said I couldn't have you guys." She scoffed bitterly. "He was only holding on to you and Rina because he knew how much I loved and wanted my girls. Selfish bastard."

"He never told me that."

Maureen drank her tea slowly. "No, I didn't think he would." She turned to her daughter, her face illuminated by the string of soft outdoor light around the porch. "You listen to me, Jamie Renee. Your father will always be your father. Your relationship has nothing to do with me. But I just want you to know that I love you. And that sooner or later you need to stop blaming your past for your present situation."

Her words stung, but Jamie knew she was right. "I know, Momma."

Maureen nodded. "You are blaming Nate for what I did and what your father continues to do to you and you are losing out, honey."

She was silent. She was constantly afraid that they people she loved would abandon her so running seemed like the best thing. Maybe it was time to face her life. Maureen smiled at the look of realization on her daughter's face. 

"What do I do?" Jamie asked. 

Her mother shot her a 'duh' look. "Hightail your ass outta here." She patted her gently on the knee. "It's been nearly a week since you left the beach. Don't you think it's time you put some more mileage on that car of yours?"

Jamie grinned. "You don't mind if I leave you?"

"Mind?" Maureen scoffed. "I've been trying to get your bony tail outta here so I can invite my man over."

They both laughed. The thought of Maureen dating brought tears of mirth to Jamie's eyes. "That's too much info."

"Maybe," Maureen shrugged. "Actually, I've just been itching to paint. I've been working on an incredible piece."

"That's cool." "It is. The local high school wants me to help the art kids paint a mural in a couple of weeks."

"That's amazing, Momma!"

She nodded. "It is. Now everyone's gonna start to notice the work of Maureen Sinclair."

Jamie drained her tea. "Speaking of, when did you start using your maiden name?"

"Been going on a couple of years." She picked up a wooden basket beside her. "Now, back to your issue. I think it's time you headed on out." She handed Jamie the basket which was full of wrapped sandwiches and other goodies. 

Jamie smiled. It was just like her mother to pack as if she was feeding the Russian army. "You planned this all along."

"What? You think I want you hiding out at my house all damn summer?" She shooed Jamie away. "Get on, girl. Go get your life back. And someday I wanna meet this boy!"

********

Nate placed his messenger bag containing his laptop on the passenger of his black pickup. Glancing at his watch he groaned inwardly. Today was supposed to be his day off but a sudden emergency called for his presence. 

He straightened the pale green silk tie he was wearing, matching the dress shirt he was wearing. Nate fished his cell phone out of his grey slacks and dialed his boss' number. 

"Hey, Gary. I'm about to leave my house to deliver the graphics to the office. I'll see you guys in about twenty minutes."

Snapping his phone shut, he realized he left his cup of coffee on his kitchen countertop. Cursing softly, he jogged up the short walkway to his front door. 

He was only inside for a moment. When he came out, the sight that greeted him nearly made him drop his drink. 

Jamie climbed tiredly out her Highlander. It had taken her more hours than she cared to admit, but she was here. She had pulled up to Nate's very modest house nestled in the Nashville suburbs. She was about to prepare a speech when she saw him gaping at her next to his truck. 

She smiled sheepishly before stepping on the curb to meet him. 

"Hey," she said softly.

Nate was stunned. "How...how did you find me?"

"Google'd you. Actually I Google'd your father and found his address. Then I looked you up in the yellow pages. Thank heavens for MapQuest." 

"Wow," was all he said. She had gone through all that trouble just to find him.

"No worries," she replied, shrugging her shoulder as if stalking someone on the internet was something she did regularly. "Are you off somewhere?" she asked. He was impeccably dressed, his dress shirt highlighting his muscular chest and arms. Even his slacks were well tailored. He looked hot. She smiled when she noticed the slight stubble on his face and that he hadn't shaved his hair, the short blond hair curling nicely. 

Nate cleared his throat. "Um, gotta go into work to hand in a coupla documents."

"Oh. You look hot."

He grinned a little, his body clearly forgetting he was kind of pissed at her. "So do you."

She scoffed. "I look like shit. I've been driving for fucking hours." Her hand ran absently through her dark hair, which hung limply at her shoulders. 

Nate took a good look at her. Her jeans had rips in them, her black tank top was bit wrinkled and she looked like she could use a good night's rest. But she still looked beautiful.

"Why are you here?" he asked, somewhat gruffly. He was beginning to get irritated for some reason by their small talk.

"I," she started. "I needed to tell you some things."

He sighed, a long and weary sound that made Jamie ached. He sounded so beat up, so defeated. "Jamie, I'm done."

"What?"

"I can't do this anymore. I can't always wait around for you to decide what it is you want."

She was shocked. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. "Nate, you can't mean that. I love you. I want to be with you."

"Why?" he asked. 

Once again she was stunned into silence. "What?"

Nate set his cup on the hood of his car. "Why do you want to be with me? 'Cause I know why I want to be you."

Jamie's mind frantically searched for the right answer. 

"You don't know, do you?"

"I do..."

"Well then what is it? What is it that you can't say? Why can you never fuckin' open your mouth and tell me how you feel?" His anger and frustration from the past days finally boiled over. "Goddamit! I don't know what to do anymore. I love you so much it hurts darlin' but I can't fuckin' put myself through these games. We're not in college anymore Jamie. Step up already because I'm tired of hangin' out on this goddamn limb by myself."

His blue eyes blazed with anger and it almost made her tremble. She had never seen him look so fierce. 

"Nate, I wanted to be with you. But I just couldn't let go of all the bullshit in the past."

"What bullshit?" his temper seemed to have subsided a little.

Jamie shoved her hands in her pockets. "All the shit from my past. Stuff with my dad; how he used to beat on my mother, how he loves my sister way more than he'll ever love me, how I spent the majority of my life trying to please everyone else but they always left." 

She was practically willing herself not to cry. "I didn't want to tell these things because I thought it would make me weak." Her brown eyes stared into his. "Nate, loving you has hands-down been the scariest thing I've ever done in my life. It's also been the bravest. I've opened up to you more than I've had with anyone, including Nora. And see, that's the problem. In the back of my mind, there's always this thought that letting you in would ultimately be my downfall. You'd leave me like all the others, and honey I don't think I'd ever recover from that."

Nate's anger had vanished completely and was now replaced by understanding. She really was a basket case. "So you decided to push me away, without givin' me a say on my future with you? How is that helpful?"

She shook her head. "It isn't. I never said my thought process was logical."

He chuckled sarcastically. "Clearly. So why tell me all this now. What's changed?"

Jamie took his hand, linking their fingers together. "Me, if you'll have me. I can't promise I won't hurt you, and I now realized I can't expect you to make such an unfair promise too."

He was hesitant. His heart was screaming yes, but the logical side of him wasn't convinced. "I don't know, Jamie. What happens if you think you'll get scared again? You can't just run away from things when it suits you. You've got to face your issues."

The tears really did fall now, but she didn't move to wipe them. He had clearly moved on. "Nate, I..."

"Luckily," he continued. "You won't have to face them alone."

Her sentence died on her lips as she stared wide eyed at him. He grinned shyly at her. "We've all got our baggage, darlin'. Lovin' someone means you take the bad along with the good. And you've got too much good in you; I can't let you go."

She fell into his arms, sighing and crying tears of happiness. 

He cradled her in his arms as he planted sweet kisses on her forehead. "I can't change you, sweetheart" he whispered. "I realize that. But for some fuckin' reason I actually like havin' you near. So I guess puttin' up with your craziness is the only way I can make you stay."

Jamie laughed through her tears. "That's the most semi, almost romantic thing I've ever heard." Her heart beat rapidly in her chest, happy adrenaline coursing through her veins almost making her giddy. 

"So where do we go from here?" she asked.

Nate shrugged. "Well, first I gotta tell my boss I can't come into work today because I'm gonna head to Vegas for an impromptu wedding..."

Jamie stared stupidly at him. "What?" Panic started to creep in slowly.

"Kidding," he joked, noticing her face slowly returning to normal. He grabbed his bag from his car and led her into the house. "But callin' off is definitely in order."

Jamie smiled. "Really? Why is that?"

His grin was slow and wicked. "Because you and I have a lot of making up to do." His hands went to cup her ass as he pulled her into the main hallway of the house.

"Oh really?" she kissed him, enjoying his lips once more. "What do you have in mind?" She started to loosen his tie and tossed it to the floor.

"Not sure right now, but it involves a lot of groveling." He unbuttoned her jeans as she slipped off her sneakers. 

"Groveling, eh?" His shirt was next, nearly ripping the buttons in her haste. "Will there begging involved?"

Nate lifted her tank top over her head, marveling the sight of her large breasts inside a dark green bra. "Oh, you'll definitely be on your knees darlin'." He kissed her hard, his tongue parting her lips to explore inside her mouth. His strong arms lifted her easily as Jamie wrapped her legs around his trim waist. God, she missed this. To think she had decided to walk away from this man, this blond god determined to make her beg for him. Foolish girl, she thought.




Used Ch. 06



"I love you," she moaned.

"I love you too baby," His blue eyes sparkled, that sky color making her feel overwhelming ecstatic. "Hey, I gotta bathroom we can use. Figure it'd be a helluva lot more exciting that way." 

They both laughed. That was the same thing she said to him the night they first met.

"Very funny Harlow." She ran her hand through his short curls. "Are we gonna stand here and talk, or are you gonna show me the only reason why I like you?"

"Now there's the old Kincaid fire." 

"What can I say, you bring it out of me." She kissed the tip of his nose. "Now, let's get this reunion started."

She held him tight. For the first time her brain and her heart was on the same page. This moment, this was where she was supposed to be. His love was deep and unlike anything she'd ever experienced before: messy but powerfully unconditional. 

Running away wasn't an option any longer. 

The End.



Used Ch. 07 and Epilogue



They ended up having to spend a few more hours together, until a neighbor with a chainsaw could be found. Barry went out to drag the pieces of the tree out of the road, and Esme sat in the living room, reading a book.

No one was speaking. It makes it difficult to pretend everything is normal when no one is speaking.

Esme and Barry were the first to leave. She noticed a tension in his body, he didn't try to speak to Ben or Audrey, but she could tell it bothered him that they didn't try. He suggested to her they go upstairs and pack, and after depositing a load into her mouth, he didn't really try to speak to her, either. The first ten minutes in the car were terrible, but it was only going to get worse. 

"I ca—" his voice cracked a little and he paused, his elbow on the window, his hand covering his mouth. She noticed again how big he was, how much space his shoulders took up. Not huge, he wasn't a giant, but he was a man. Esme's hands tightened on the steering wheel as she negotiated the SUV through the back roads. They would reach the highway soon. The cabin wasn't more than half of an hour from the highway, though they'd driven during the day before, and in much better conditions. They were definitely the first car to go through, their tracks were the first in the white powder. The road cut through the woods, which was good, because if not for the trees lining the road she might not be able to see the path.

They had fucked, before they left. It had been wordless and if not exactly violent then at least the opposite of gentle. Barry cleared his throat. "I changed my mind," he said. 

 He changed his mind, Esme thought. It was less thinking than trying to process. What did those words mean? She had to put them together individually, still they didn't make sense. Changed his mind about what?

"I don't think I can do this." He doesn't think he can do this. Why was she doing that? Once wasn't bad enough, she had to repeat them in her head? Her stomach suddenly felt tight, and it was hard to breathe. 

He had a hand on her throat when he'd fucked her. It wasn't gentle. She wasn't going to cry, she wasn't sad, couldn't process that far yet. That would come later, over weeks and months until finally one day she would wake up in a new apartment with the light shining down on her from a wall of windows and it would feel like she had it, everything she needed. She didn't feel any of that yet. Now she was just—broken.

"Ben is right." 

Ben is a piece of shit. And that was true, wasn't it? He is a piece of shit. 

"What about holidays? Are we going to sit across from them and make small talk over Thanksgiving dinner? What the fuck are we supposed to say?" 

Like it was her fault. Like she knew. Like his holidays weren't ruined already. 

Her phone's shuffle mix had finally made it around to her favorite song. It was ten minutes long. It took awhile to get to the best part. Esme re-focused, glanced at him with the slightest movement of her chin. He wouldn't have noticed the stolen glance, he was staring out the window. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's all I get. I told him I love him but he's worried about awkward dinner conversation. Is he done talking?

"It isn't fair to her." 

Not done talking. 

"She had him first."

I had him first. Where had that come from? And what was he talking about. She wasn't trying to take him.

"It's not like this happened simultaneously. They were together when we—"Fucked on Ben's kitchen counter in Ben's apartment while Ben was at work? It hit her then-- a kitchen counter. It was like a punch to the gut. She was horrid. "Got together."

Bile was rising in her throat. She swallowed it down. Still no tears, but they were close. Lingering, waiting to spill.

"And how is it going to be? Am I going to think about his hands on you every time we're in the same room? Am I going to have to know he was inside of you forever?"

 Just stop.

"And I don't mean just 'know'. I mean know. With every cell in my body on hyper-alert just-- knowing."

Please, stop.

"Em, please say something."

But what was there to say? What could she say? That it's okay because it wouldn't have lasted? Because sooner or later he would have found out about her encounter with Ben? That by the way Ben was just inside of her. Should she accuse him of fucking her when he knew he wanted to end it? Hadn't he known? Hadn't it been all over his face when he looked at her just before going inside, letting the door slam behind him as Ben lay bleeding on the ground? He'd changed his mind. What else is there to say? Her fingers were aching from her grip on the wheel. She loosened it, flexing her fingers. What could she possible say?

"Say something."

"Fuck you." Well, there's always that.

He recoiled slightly, as if bitten. Was he surprised? Was she not supposed to say anything? When had her life gotten like this? What was wrong with her brain that she kept doing this to herself, over and over? It was like she was Taylor Swift. Except dirty.

And she loved him. She loved him so much her heart physically ached. Her stomach twisted in knots. The music was playing too softly. She wanted to turn it up. To block the sound of his voice. She didn't want to hear another word.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I hate you so much right now." And that did it. The tears came on fast, sobs wracking her body so violently she had to pull over. 

And then there it was again, her stomach protesting. She opened the door and ran to the back of the car. She was going to be sick. And then she was, doubled over she vomiting. Which was maybe even more humiliating than being dumped less than an hour after taking it up the ass. And at the beginning of a two hour car ride? Like the thought of being attached to her for even two more hours was just too much?

Barry got around the car just in time to see her lose the contents of her stomach. Luckily, it wasn't much. 

"Oh my God, are you okay?" His hands were on her and she couldn't take it. It was suddenly the worst thing in the world to be touched by him. She realized then the exhaust was in her face, hot. She stood up to get away from it, leaned against the back of the SUV for support. She must have surprised him, because he stumbled backwards. She hadn't put her jacket back on, and it was cold. The heaving was gone but the tears weren't. She kept her face turned away from him, as if she could hide her tears and save a little bit of dignity. As if time would go by and this wouldn't be a story he tells at parties. Barry, tell him about the breakup vomiter. No one would believe it. It was too ridiculous. 

He reached for her again and this time she recoiled. "Don't touch me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't ever—" she lost the breath on a sob, had to try it again. "Don't ever touch me again."

"Esme, come on, don't be like this." 

As if it was perfectly natural that he would still get to touch her. But why wouldn't he? Wasn't she just something they passed around? Isn't that what she'd let herself become? Why had she told him she loved him? If she could take any of it back, it would be that. That was the most humiliating part of all. And maybe when she got in the car she would have taken last night back, would have never gone downstairs, never been in a position to be alone with Ben. That, she had thought, would keep her and Barry safe. If she hadn't done that. But now she knew better, because apparently her history with Ben was all he could think about. That she didn't even get her own place in his thoughts, that she was tied to every girlish mistake she had ever made.

But hadn't she made that worry valid? Ben's voice replaced hers inside her head. 

"He had his fun and he got what he wanted, I found out, and he proved he could take you from me. He won. The game is over and you won't be fun for him anymore." The feel of Ben's lips on hers, her response to it. How could she hold it against Barry, blame him for the failure, when she made every one of his fears come true? 

Barry shut off the radio.

"Esme, please just look at me."

"Did you like that? Did you like having cum from two guys in you at once?"

"I hate you for this." She wasn't even saying it to the right person. She was shivering now, the cold was riding in on the night, steeling that precious warmth that always seems to follow a snowstorm.

"I want to go home," she said, her head turned away from him, her eyes taking in the spruce trees, half of them dead from a beetle infestation. It had passed through awhile ago, the surviving trees, once weak, were becoming dominant. "I need you to drive. Just don't say anything, please."

They sat in silence on the way back. It was easy to ignore his attempts at conversation, her mind was otherwise occupied. She was watching herself lift up her skirt, a peek of black lace panties for an ex-boyfriend. To teach him a lesson. It had been a mistake. He had taught her a lesson instead, and after, her back turned to him while she swiped a paper towel between her legs, trying to clean herself, she knew it. There was a lot of it, and the paper towel wasn't absorbing it. She ended up just spreading it around. Her thighs were wet. She had kissed Ben back while Barry waited for her upstairs. She felt ill. And now what? Now she was mad at him? What right did she have to be mad at him? 

"You're so tight."

Ben had tasted like beer. How many times had she kissed him? How many years did she think he was all she wanted? That if she could just have him, it would be okay. She would be okay. She just wasn't the type of girl to be okay, though.

 "I don't recommend you going to him with my cum leaking out of your cunt--not again, I mean."

"I'm sorry," Barry said. She ignored it.

The silence in the car reminded of the silence this afternoon, after Barry came back from pulling the dismantled tree off of the driveway. He'd obviously been thinking, didn't want to talk, except to tell her to pack. She did so, without words. She felt his eyes on her as she moved from the drawers to her suitcase, not bothering to fold anything. She was bent over the bottom drawer when she felt him behind her, he hands coming to her hips, pulling her backwards. She let herself be pulled, please to feel his stiffening cock pressed against her.

"Let me tie you up, baby." 

She nodded, let her head fall back against him as his hand cupped a breast through her shirt. There was something so provocative about being felt up through her clothes, the urgency of it--the need so strong it couldn't wait for clothes to come off. His other hand gripped her throat for a moment Barry pushed her away from him, toward the bed, and she caught sight of him in one of the mirrors. He took her breath away. He always took her breath away. His dark eyes met hers as she watched him peel his shirt off, saw biceps and abs and, yes, the beginnings of some bruises, a reminder that he'd fought his best friend just hours before. For her.

"Get naked," he said, his eyes never leaving hers. She peeled off her top. Slid out of her bra. Shimmied out of her jeans. She could see he was watching her ass, she made sure to bend over while crawling on the bed. "Hold onto the headboard, put your ass in the air."

She was surprised to see him reach into his bag and pull out nylon rope. Immediately her pussy came to life. He had wanted this. Planned it before the trip, and packed for it. Planned to tie her to the bed. But this time he would tie her up with a rope instead of a scarf. Heat spread through her, radiating out from her sex.

"These are going to be tight," he said as he tied her. And it was tight. She would have marks even if she didn't struggle. His cock, stiffening with each second that passed, seemed to be growing before her eyes.

"I've been thinking about this," he whispered, positioning himself behind her. "Is it okay? Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"And you'll say parakeet if it gets too bad?"

Her heart started pounding at the safe word. He already had her tied up, what was he going to do? She couldn't fight back.

"Esme?"

"Yes," she whispered. "Yes, I'll say it if I need to." But she wouldn't say it. How could she deny him anything now? 

"Are you sure?" He asked quietly, lovingly. She was getting increasingly anxious. Had she agreed to whips? Clamps?

She nodded.

He groaned, a noise filled with longing, and positioned himself behind her. She jumped a little when he touched her, braced herself as he ran his hands up her thighs to her ass, spreading her cheeks and exposing her little puckered hole to the air in the room. She inhaled as he licked her, tongued her ass as he slid a finger inside of her. She pushed back into him, hoping for more. Barry pulled away, stood, and moved to his suitcase again. The ropes dug into her wrists, and when he wasn't attending to her the pain was distracting, but he was back within seconds and the scent of strawberries hit her. She felt a cold, slick slide of fluid. 

Flavored lube, she realized, as he applied it liberally to her ass crack and letting the fluid slide down to her pussy. He pressed the lips of her pussy open so it would cover her. Then she felt his tongue as he started licking it off, touching her ass, sliding a finger in while he plunged his thumb inside her, filling both holes at once.

"So wet already," he murmured. And she was, even without the lube. The anticipation was killing her. She had no idea what he planned to do. He positioned behind her and slid his cock between her legs. "You just can't get enough can you?"

She thought it was a rhetorical question. She realized it wasn't when he caught her nipple between his thumb and index finger and squeezed. Hard. She jerked involuntarily. The ropes felt impossibly tight, cutting into her wrists. "Say it."

"I can't get enough."

He slid inside her then, and it was sweet and gentle. And he played with her clit when he did it, and slowly a pressure started building. It would be so easy to come. She didn't want to. She wanted to last for him. He held her hips and slid in and out of her with easy, slow strokes. She pushed back against him, met his rhythm. It wasn't what she was expecting, and pressure soon started building, he clit feeling tighter, her sex warmer. Barry stopped attending to her clit and straightened, his hands moving to her ass, caressing it, pushing the cheeks apart with his thumbs. The cool air tickled her asshole and a shiver ran through her body. She hoped he would push a finger in. She felt empty. But he didn't use a finger. 

Esme cried out in pain, unsure what had happened. One moment he'd been massaging her ass cheeks and the next there was a stabbing, burning pain. Tears sprang to her eyes and her head swam, and then she felt him pull out partly, and then again invaded her, pushing and pressing into what she only then realized was her ass. After only a few thrusts she felt his hips crash into her. He had abandoned her pussy and sheathed himself inside her ass in two or three quick strokes. No build up. No gentle introduction, no slow work stretching her hole. It was excruciating, and her body's response was to flee. She pulled her hands back to get control and the ropes cut into her skin. He put a hand around her throat, holding her still with the threat of taking her breath. Wasting no time, he started thrusting, working her ass as she whimpered, tears coming freely now, words caught in her throat. It only turned her on more. Her nipples ached to be touched, pinched, sucked, bitten. Her clit ached for the same.

"You're so tight," he said, his voice filled with gentle wonder. It was the only gentleness in the room. She felt ripped open, but worse, because he kept at it, over and over again. She whimpered and twisted as he fucked her ass with no less urgency or force than he fucked her cunt. But soon the sharp pain decreased, and it was just the discomfort, the odd pressure. It allowed for the beginnings of pleasure to take hold. He released his grip on her neck and she started breathing normally again. Her tears slowed. It didn't get much gentler, he obviously wanted it to feel like a violation, and it did. It turned her on, because it was Barry, turned her on to be taken this way.

Barry groaned, her ass gripped him as he thrust, holding his cock with delicious tightness. He felt her relax and knew she was relaxing, succumbing to his invasion. It was gorgeous, the look of his cock sliding in and out of her ass, watching her take him in, watching the tight little hole stretched out. She had stopped struggling, stopped bracing herself, and had her head and chest resting on the bed. She was exhausted and he could feel the slightest movement of her hips with each trust, as she started to meet him. With her head turned to the side he could see cheeks were streaked with tears, her nose running. 

Barry slid his hand between them, found her clit, and her eyelids fluttered, her mouth opened as she gasped a little, pressing back against him. Barry didn't know what he wanted anymore, what to do about Ben, about his sister. The only thing he was sure he wanted was this moment, inside of her, her relenting, submitting.

"Tell me again," he pleaded. Needing to hear it, needing reassurance. He folded himself over her, laying his chest along her back, still buried inside her. He'd never felt anything like this for anyone.

She sniffed, collecting herself, said, "I can't get enough."

"No, baby, no. Tell me you love me." He loved her so much it scared him. It grew inside him, consuming everything else. His judgment, his rationality, his love ate at all of it, making room for itself to grow. It was a vicious kind of love that, for the first time, pained him. It was terrifying, but and today it made his gut ache.

"I love you." She said, breathing in, then out. "I love you, Barry."

He resumed his movements inside of her. Resumed his ministrations on her clit. She started to coo, to push into him, meeting his thrusts. They kept on like this, rocking together, until she came and nearly tore the orgasm out of him. The force of her orgasm made her body react, and she pulled her arms in, forgetting about the restraints, and she winced as the ropes cut into her hands. She cried out but only seemed to come harder. Her tight little ass spasmed around him, milking him, he pulled out before he could come.

She relaxed into the bed when he pulled out of her her, leaving her empty and breathing hard.

Barry crawled up on the bed and buried a hand in her dark curls, roughly pulled her head toward him. She gasped again, he lips falling open, and he grabbed his cock and started jerking off. Sensing what he wanted, she opened her mouth wider, and he jerked faster, inches away from her face. Pressure build inside of him, he wanted to cum everywhere at once, her hot little cunt, her tight ass, her willing mouth. Any hole she had was open to him, like she was a whore whose only job was to please him. 

"It's good," he whispered. His whore. His wanton little slut who spread her legs for him, who sucked on him, who rode him, all to give him pleasure. Her body gave him so much pleasure. "That's so good. You're so fucking good." It was a contest between her mouth and her face. He wanted both, but he wanted her mouth more. He didn't want to lose any of the load in her mouth by painting her face with his cum. Thinking about her on her knees in front of him, jerking him off onto her face, brought him to the edge. He pulled her hair harder, jerked faster. Then he came. 

Thick ropes of cum burst out, landing first on her chin until he repositioned, and shot into her mouth. His whole body shook as he came, as he emptied himself into her waiting mouth. When he was done he said, "Hold it". She did as she was told, closing her mouth, holding still. He imagined the slickness on her tongue, the concentration it must have taken not to swallow. "Swish," he whispered. She did, moving his cum around in her mouth, coating the insides of her cheeks, and her teeth, under her tongue. His taste between her teeth, on her gums. He made her hold it so long she had to breathe through her nose, couldn't have kept holding her breath. 




Used Ch. 07 and Epilogue



"Swallow." She did, he could see her throat working, imagine his seed inside of her stomach, where it would stay, until her body absorbed it, absorbing him into her. A part of him inside of her. At least for awhile.

They dressed and finished packing in silence after he cut her out of the ropes. He had kissed each wrist gently, where she was rubbed raw, as his love ate away at him.

And now here they were, in her car, her in the passenger seat staring vacantly out the window. He had broken her to break himself, to make the world make sense again, to make himself a person in his own right again, and not just a vessel for his obsession with her.

"I'm sorry," he heard himself say, and it was true, but he wasn't sorry just because he'd hurt her. He was sorry because the beginnings of panic were starting to set in. What had he done? What was he thinking? What was the point of breaking up now, when the damage was done, when everything had blown up on them and it could only get better, because it couldn't possibly get worse. And he was ready for her again. Ready for her to pull over, to lean over his lap, to open her mouth and throat while he held her head and fucked her face, sinking the head of his cock into her throat. She ignored him, or she didn't hear him, he didn't know which. 

"I'm sorry." He tried again. Silence. Maybe a minute, maybe two.

"I can still taste you in my mouth," she said. She turned and looked at him then, a look of hurt in her brown eyes. Maybe even a little confusion, like she was working out a puzzle. "You jerked yourself off into my mouth recently enough that I can still taste you, and now you want to end it." He saw only coldness now, the ice princess returning. "You can't be sorry enough to make up for that."

Esme leaned forward and turned the radio back on.

EPILOGUE

It was a few weeks later when she found out she was pregnant. She reacted poorly to the hormones in birth control pills, had utilized barrier methods, mostly a cervical cap. They weren't always perfect, she didn't always have it on, and of course there was the time with Ben. 

And she didn't keep a calendar, could not have told her doctor an accurate LMP, she had to give her best guess. So she didn't contact Barry because what could she say? I might be having your baby. But it might be Ben's baby, because I opened my legs for him, too. I don't really know.  So she ignored his texts. He stopped sending them after the third week, anyway.

Her ultrasound was at 12 weeks, and they confirmed her due date and conception date then, and it was Barry's, had to be, she was already two weeks by the time they made their trip to the cabin. Which didn't really do her any good anymore-- that was over. But she couldn't not tell him, that would have been wrong. So she sent him a text, asked to talk. He didn't respond, and she was relieved to let it go. They seemed to have let each other go, which was for the best. It wasn't going to work. Not the right way. Not the way it needed to work.

Her family wasn't thrilled. Her step-dad took it the best, which was a surprise. She had never really paid him much attention. He brought her mom around. Her sister seemed sad for her, asked about the father. "He's out of the picture" was all Esme could say. She picked out a daycare, picked out furniture, baby-proofed. She met someone, too, when Charlie was ten months old.

It was tentative, Jason was sweet. He wasn't sure he could handle the baby, he was honest and up front about it. She appreciated him for that. Their relationship had a lightness about it, he made her laugh. They laughed together. He was a dentist, just out of school, they would have a good life once he built a practice. It didn't matter to her while it simultaneously would make everything so much easier. When he said he wanted to give it a try, that he thought he could handle a relationship with a mom, she'd taken off her clothes, and sucked him hard before climbing onto his lap and taking a ride. She fucked him for the first time on the couch in his apartment. He said he'd never met anyone who was so comfortable with sex, never had a lover who gave so freely. But what else did she have to give, really? 

She told him Charlie's father was out of the picture. Her family was thrilled with him. His family was tolerant. Charlie's first birthday came and she threw him a party where he ate some, but wore most, of his cake. It was a nice day, with close family and friends, and Jason there to help celebrate. He helped her clean up that night, took her to bed and made love to her. He was always making love to her, a gentle, thoughtful lover.

It was easy not to accidentally see Barry, not to run into any of them. They didn't share any friends, he didn't live close to her. After awhile the loss wasn't so raw, she could look at Charlie and not experience pain. He looked just like Barry. 

Charlie was just over a year old when it happened. She saw his sister in a department store. She was pregnant, looking at baby clothes with friends. Esme ducked out of the way, ducked out of the store. She tried to leave the mall, but Charlie spotted the play area, and the child who never made scenes made a scene like none she'd ever seen. It was sunken, and the benches had high backs, protecting them from view. It wasn't ideal, but no one who wasn't looking for her would see her. 

She put Charlie down, sat down across from the entrance, the easiest place a shopper might glance and recognize someone, save for the play equipment, a boat, blocking the view. The boat blocked her view of the crowd in the mall but ensured she would be the last person seen by anyone coming from the entrance. She didn't think about the second story of the mall, and the walkways around the open area where skylights shown down on the shoppers. They stayed 30 minutes before Charlie agreed to be taken home, rested his head against her chest when she picked him up, turned back around to grab her diaper bag, turned back around to leave. 

And he was there. And he was a giant, had he always been that big? And she'd never felt fear like the fear that passed through her. He was so angry. Audrey must have seen her, must have seen Charlie, must have called him to tell him.

She ducked her head and tried to step past, but he reached out, grabbed her arm, pain on his face at having to touch her. She didn't turn her head, couldn't look at him. All she could say was, "I can scream. I will, just let us go."

He didn't want to make a scene. He let go of her arm but he wouldn't let her go. He followed her out of the mall, into the parking garage. It was a weekday, a slow day, the lot nearly empty. He followed her to the Escalade and watched her buckle Charlie into a carseat, shut the door to the back seat with a solid thud. What could she say? I tried to tell you? She never had.

"I have to get him home for his nap."

"Is that my kid?"

"He's my kid. I've been here, I did this without you."

"I didn't know," he spat the words at her. She stepped back, she had said the wrong thing, she was certain he wouldn't hit her but still afraid. "You didn't tell me. You can't punish me for not knowing."

"I'm not punishing you. I let you make your decision, you decided to give up. I wasn't going to hold you to me against your will, make you live a life you didn't choose."

Everything she said made him angrier. "Choose? I didn't have a choice. You hid this from me. You took away my choice, you—you took everything."

"I texted you. You ignored it"

He was incredulous. "After ignoring me for weeks you sent me a text that said, 'I have something to tell you if you still want to talk'. Of course I ignored it, was I supposed to jump the moment you snapped your fingers. How could I have guessed this? How could I have guessed that text was the only chance you were going to give me, the only moment I had. And you didn't even give me the facts."

"I loved you." Why had she said that. She had, and she didn't want to but she still did. Even so, it came out in an awkward place in the conversation.

"I hate you so much right now."

"I loved you and you chose to leave. You didn't have anyone else—all you wanted was not me. What was I supposed to do? What choice didI have?"

"You could have fought for us. You could have fought for me."

"You said no. You didn't want me. I wasn't going to grovel."

"Esme, you've never fought for anyone. Not once. Mot everyone is going to fall all over themselves to make you happy all the time when you make it so difficult—when you're so cold."

"I'm not cold."

Barry lifted an eyebrow, shook his head in wonder, as if she'd just said something ridiculous.

She tried again, "I loved you." Why did she keep saying that?

Barry didn't look like he believed that. "You wanted me. You wanted to be with me, and you wanted it to be settled so you could relax and give up because you didn't want to work at it. All you wanted was to make a decision and consider it settled, but that's not how it works."

This made her angry. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I told you I couldn't do it, and once you had that to cling to, you turned yourself off. Something died on that drive home, Esme. Whatever will you had to make us work, I watched it die."

"You killed it."

"I was emotional and frustrated. I'd just fought with my best friend and my sister was furious with me. I said something in the heat of the moment—in a moment of weakness—and you shut down. I regretted it immediately, but I have pride too, Esme."

"You didn't say anything about regret."

"You wouldn't have heard me. I didn't even exist to you anymore."

"You're being ridiculous, and you're blaming me and it wasn't me, you did this, too. Because you did exist in this."

"I didn't exist to you so much that you took a pregnancy test, and you went through nine months of pregnancy, and you gave birth, and you picked out a name, had a baby shower, watched him take his first steps, celebrated his first birthday and not once did you think to call me. Not once did it occur to you that I might want to know that I have a son."

The way he said it, the way he claimed it, scared her. She didn't hate Barry, still ached for him, still wondered what it would be like, to be a family. But she was healing, and he was reopening the wound.

"I have to go," Esme said. "I have to get him home for a nap."

"No, you don't/ I'm his father and I say he's fine, and his nap can wait. I'm his father."

"Says who? Who said he's even yours?"

Barry's fists clenched, and Esme backed up, looked around for security, her heart racing. 

"Are you kidding me right now? Look at that kid," he was imploring now. Defiance came quickly. "You know what?" He stepped forward, and she winced, stumbled back. "That's fine. Go. Go get him a nap because I have shit to do. I have to babyproof my apartment, because I have a son. I have to tell my parents they have a grandchild. And I don't care if you want to shut yourself off and be done, because you don't get to be done making decisions. You have a lifetime of decisions you need to make. You can start with whether or not you're going to dinner with me tonight." Esme shook her head. "How about next week, when I ask again. Or the week after that?" Tears, she hadn't cried in months but the tears were like old friends who never left. She wiped at her eyes, furious at herself. "Are you going to stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop punishing me for being weak, or are we going to have to decide who gets Thanksgiving and who gets Christmas."

Esme stiffened, a wave of nausea hitting her. "That's insane. He doesn't even know you."

"And whose fault is that?" Barry roared, and she jumped. He calmed then, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before letting his hand drop. He was so handsome it hurt not to be able to touch him, to hold his face, to beg for forgiveness and mercy and love. "What is his name?"

"Charles Aaron. Charlie"

"Well, he's going to know me. You don't have a choice."

And she didn't, really. They had every opportunity to make choices before, and now there was only this one. Just this one path they had to walk, and now the only choice left was whether or not they were going to walk together.

Esme got in the car and left.