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It's Complicated

By: MxdGrlMusic



Happy to finally be free of that stuffy classroom, Jaylyn James bolts out the door and towards the student lounge. History was her least favorite subject and to no ones surprise, it was also the class with the heaviest workload. She was starting to regret putting it off until her senior year, but she didn't see reason in taking the class in the first place. After graduating college, she was going to pursue her career in writing. She wasn't sure what type of writing, but she was sure that she'd never have to write about something that happened eighty years ago. 

To add to her already steep mountain of homework, midterms were right around the corner, which meant long nights and lots of caffeine. She'd have to study extra for History because not only was there an exam, but also a twenty page paper due prior to the exam. It was enough to make her want to scream. 

While walking through the flooded halls, a heated Maxine Burrows storms past muttering furiously under her breath, which could only mean one thing, he wasn't far behind. 

***********************************

Cohen Pierce was bored rigid of this university and everything associated with it. Pierce had a talent for making the best of any situation if needed, but MSU was, in his mind, not worth the trouble. If it weren't for his controlling father, he would be on the other side of the map attending the University of his choosing. 

Before Pierce was born his father had his entire life planned out for him down to the jobs he'd take upon graduating. He was expected to run part of his father's business. Life definitely wasn't going the way he wanted, his only release was Hockey and he was damn good at it. Becoming captain of the team as a mere sophomore was something he valued because it had nothing to do with Jack Pierce, his father. 

Pierce sat back in his chair and out of habit ran his fingers through his almost shoulder length wavy hair, when his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by someone brave enough to not only invade his personal space, but more than that, sit on his lap. He immediately opened his eyes to see the one person he thought he was rid of. His mood went from fed up to pissed off. He actually entertained the thought of throwing her across the room.

"Pierce baby, I'm beginning to think you're ignoring me" Maxie whined tracing circles on his chest.

"I am." Pierce said taking her hand off his chest. 

"Why baby? I know you enjoy our little meetings just as much as I do." She said grinding her ass into him.

Truth be told Maxie was good at what she did, but frankly, it was the only thing she was good at. Her overt sexuality got her just about anything she wanted. Every guy on campus knew her name and she made sure of it. She played the game and played it well. With the right amount of cleavage, she could have nearly any guy on campus falling at her feet. Maxie's mistake was thinking that Pierce was one of those guys. He would make sure she never made that mistake again. There were plenty of able-bodied women willing to scratch his itch, all that aside, Pierce was over her and he needed to get his point across. One thing for sure he was going to miss Maxie's lips wrapped around his dick...almost.

"Get the fuck off my lap," he said giving her a slight shove that sent her storming down the hall and out of his way...if she's lucky. Looking up, his green eyes returned from their dark cloudiness and back to its usual liveliness when he spotted, the person he could never tire of, walking in his direction.

Pierce and Jaylyn have been friends since middle school. Not only friends, but best friends. Growing up and living on the same street, nothing or no one could separate them not even now. They did just about everything together. They also went through some of the toughest times together. When he had no one Lyn was there. She was the first one there when his father drank too much and started to beat his mom and him. Lyn always left her bedroom window unlocked so Pierce had a place to escape to when it got really bad. The breaking point was when his mother finally left his father and, in the same breath, left her only son without word. She was there. 

In high school, he experimented with several different drugs and started to skip out on school. He was disconnected to the point where he didn't care about anyone, not even himself, but Jaylyn was there and she helped him through it. No matter what, she was always there. Senior year they both had plans to go to NYU and they were both accepted, but his father had other plans for Pierce and forced him to MSU. Jaylyn, despite Pierces' protests, followed him to MSU saying, "New York can wait; besides you would die without me." 

***********************************

"I saw Maxie, what did you do to her?." Lyn said sitting her tall 5'9 build across from Pierce.

"All these year and you still think so little of me. I'm hurt."

Pushing her next to black shoulder length hair behind her ears, she says,

"Cohen Pierce hurt? Who knew?"

"Ha Ha." Pierce said, once again sitting back in his chair letting his brown hair fall over his eyes.

"What are you doing here? I thought you had a class this hour stop looking at me like that."

"Like what? I do have a class this hour. I left early."

"Like that! You know I hate it." 

"You love it." He said with a lazy grin.

"You're not as cute as you think you are."

"The ladies love me, so I must be doing something right," he finished with a wink. 

"Whatever ugly."

***********************************

Jaylyn couldn't help but laugh. Having Pierce around was home to her no matter where she was. She was happy she came to MSU with him. If she didn't listened to him, her college experience wouldn't have been enjoyable. She liked him being around, it gave her a since of security...a better since of security than the one she lost when her parents divorced. Even though Pierce had his own family issues, he made time for her. It was Pierces' shoulder she cried on when her older brother Jackson died neither of her parents wanted to acknowledge that reality, they chose to act like he never existed. It tore her apart because other than Pierce, Jackson was all she really had. 

That was around the time she met Stark, her on again off again high school 'sweetheart.' She was young and in her attempt to replace her brother she circled 'yes' for the first jackass that came around. Stark treated her like shit he cheated on her and verbally abused her. It wasn't until the day Pierce accidentally walked in on Stark physically abusing her did he step in. She knew Pierce didn't have to think twice, in the two seconds it took for him to lay Stark out. Even then Pierce wouldn't let up. Stark got it back tenfold. If Jaylyn didn't step in Stark would be dead and Pierce behind bars. 

"Don't go knockin' the product before you've sampled the goods" 

"Product?"

"Yea supply and demand Darlin', the ladies demand and I supply."

"Once again...Ew." Jaylyn said turning her nose up. "Oh! That reminds me, Allison says to call her."

"See what I'm saying? Demand and Supply."

"What's up with you two anyway? She seems to really like you." 

Pierce sits up raking his hand through his hair revealing the remnants of a black eye.

"There's nothing up. I just fuck her."

"You're a dog. You should start treating her a little better. She likes you"

"Damn, it was good while it lasted."

"So you're done with her, just like that?" Jaylyn said resting her elbow on her knees.

"I don't know yet. She's a good ride," he said matching her sitting position.

"One of these days someone is going to drop you like that."

Ignoring her statement, he asks,

"It's Friday, what are your plans? Ignoring your boyfriend again?"

"Shut up I don't ignore him. It's just crazy with school and work plus midterms are right around the corner. What am I supposed to do? Besides, he's just as busy as I am so he's not trippin'." 

"Don't you have somewhere to be besides my business?" Jaylyn said crossing her honey brown arms.

"Actually I do." Pierce said standing up, "The Ice."

***********************************

Moments like this made Pierce regret renting out the apartment on the top floor. Each step sent unsavory jolts of pain directly to his side. After fumbling with his keys Pierce practically stumbles into the living room of his off campus apartment. Practice was tough, it always is. Not due to the fact that for the most part it's a contact sport, but as a result of the fact that both the captain and assistant captain were soon to graduate, which in turn meant the titles were up for grabs. Nearly every guy on the team wanted it and all together nearly every guy deemed it necessary to act out and over play the game. Unfortunately, for Pierce and his assistant captain, John, it meant taking gratuitous beatings from underclassmen trying to prove themselves worthy.

Closing the door behind him Pierce throws his body armor against the wall and with a slight limp heads for the shower. His ribs were surely bruised he knew that fact on impact. He was incredibly familiar leaving the ice with some kind of bump or bruise It was inevitable and became second nature to him. During every game and even in some practices he was used to having a few guys on him at once, all trying to eliminate the strongest player from the equation, but Pierce was ruthless on and off the ice, which earned him the well deserved title of the Spartan Hot Head. In actuality, Pierce was his father's son and if he didn't get anything else from his father he sure as hell inherited his short temper. The same temper landed him in anger management classes in high school, which were proving to be an obvious waste.

Walking in to his bathroom Pierce stripped down and headed for the shower, pausing in front of the mirror to eye the extent of tonight's practice. His 6'3 frame was slightly hunched over with an obvious sheen of sweat covering his body. His powerfully built shoulders were a nice shade of red that led down his frame, stopped at his abdominals, and almost immediately led to a dark purple shade at his ribs. Junior, Dayton Wells was proving to be a rather strong player on the Ice, but if he wants the title like he says he does, being a good player is just not enough there's more to it than merely having a "C" on your jersey. Any other practice Pierce would have handed it back to him times ten, but Wells was to start in the coming match and he couldn't afford him being hurt.

Still looking at his reflection Pierce took note of his damp hair sticking to his face and forehead, noticing that the once black eye he was accustomed to seeing almost gone entirely. Hunching his shoulders to his painful physical state, he groaned and finally stepped in the hot shower only to hear his phone ring subsequent to stepping in. Pierce ignored it knowing that this was it for the night.

***********************************

"Guess who." 

Startled away from studying Lyn, on impulse brought her hands to the ones covering her eyes and immediately knew who it was.

"Denzel Washington?" Lyn said smiling.

"Better than Denzel," He said tilting her head and kissing her deeply.

"I don't know about better, but you definitely rank." Lyn whispered against Devin's still parted lips. "How'd you know I was here?"

Taking the seat next to her Devin answered saying,

"It wasn't hard. You're always in the library."

"Well I'm happy you found me." She said giving him the once over. 

"Good Come home with me." He said.

Lyn loved looking at her man. He stood at 6'0; his complexion was that of milk chocolate with a pair of deep brown eyes to match. His hair was kept short which Lyn always thought complemented his facial structure as opposed to the deadlocks he had when she met him. She always enjoyed his company and it didn't hurt that he was fine as hell, but fine wasn't enough to pull them out of their drought. A few months ago Pierce and her went on an emergency trip back home, just for the change in environment. Devin didn't want her to go, for one he didn't like Pierce and for two he thought they spent too much time together for them to be just friends.

The way Devin saw it Jaylyn was his girl and she was supposed to spend most of her time with him and for the most part she did, but he also wanted her to stop talking to Pierce. He was really falling for her, but every time she had a problem she would she would go to Pierce and not him. It pissed him off knowing that he would never live up to the bond she had with another man. During the time she left back home, Devin found comfort in other women as payback. He figured if she was going to cheat then so was he.

"I can't go back to your place. I have too much homework plus I have to get up early for work. Let's go to Pierces match Friday. We can go to The Lounge after."

Devin was obviously irritated with how Pierce seemed to ease his way into everything. Before Devin could answer, his phone went off. It was a text from another girl, maybe his weekend wouldn't be a total loss. It would be easier for him to just end things with Lyn, but he figured that having her around come in handy.

"I'll catch up with you later." He kissed her on her forehead and left. 

It's Complicated



All characters in sexual situations are 18 years of age or over.

*

Chad was the boy who took my virginity and ruined my senior year of high school. And when I made a deal with the devil to solve the unsolvable, it was Chad who offered me the pen to sign my name. But all that covers a lot of ground, so let me begin at the beginning. 

Chad arrived as a new student in my suburban high school in the spring of my junior year. The Vice Principal delivered him to my Algebra II class about fifteen minutes into the period and as most of the two-person desks were full the teacher had him sit next to me. I glowed with pleasure for a moment while enjoying the looks from the other kids, especially a few of the other girls. The new boy was very cute; he had a very muscular build and beautiful blond hair. As he took his seat, he smiled with perfect white teeth, and his blue eyes seemed to sparkle at me. We talked a little bit during class before threats from the teacher finally forced our silence.

At lunchtime I was sitting in the cafeteria with some friends when I spotted Chad emerge from the kitchen with his tray in his hands and worry on his face. He was looking around the room for a safe place to sit when I waved my hand and got his attention. He slid into a seat across from me with a look of relief and I started to introduce him to my friends. That was the beginning of our friendship.

Chad did indeed have an athletic build which matched his many athletic pursuits. Better yet, he was no dumb jock. He was smart and funny and while he started hanging out with my group of friends a lot, it was he and I that were the closest. Within a week I had a huge crush on him.

Sometime that late spring the student council hung signs all over the school advertising the junior prom. I spotted Chad reading one of the signs as I ducked past him into Algebra II. 

"Thinking about going to the dance?" I asked him as he slid into his seat.

"Sure. You?"

"Nobody asked me yet." I informed him. They had just hung the signs that morning after all.

"So go with me." Chad said casually, as if he had just commented on the weather.

My breath momentarily caught in my throat. Despite my intensifying crush on Chad, he had not shown me any signs that he thought of me as more than a friend. I quickly accepted his invitation. 

We went to the dance with a large group. I spent the evening hanging out with the whole gang and dancing. During short breaks I would regroup with my closest friend Chelsea in the bathroom to obsess about Chad. In the weeks leading up I'd let my crush get away with me and I convinced myself that Chad had asked me to the dance because he was falling in love. As the dance went on I started to despair that he wasn't going to make a move. All of this build up only made the moment more magical when it happened.

Near the end of the dance the DJ told everybody to grab 'that special someone' because he was playing the last slow song. I glanced around and I was thrilled to see Chad heading my way. He grabbed my hand and dragged me onto the floor. He held me close and looked into my eyes before he suddenly leaned in for a kiss. It was so exciting and so wonderful I thought I would melt. We continued to kiss and hug on the floor for the rest of the song. When it ended the DJ cranked up 'Mony Mony' and everybody started dancing. Laughing, we joined them.

After that we were a couple. The rest of the school year went by in a blink of an eye. We were both accepted to universities in Michigan and our future together through another year of high school and then on into college seemed possible. 

I remember that summer as a succession of warm evenings out with Chad, usually ending with us making out in his car in my parents driveway when he dropped me off. By July I knew I wanted to give him my virginity, and I went to my OB for a script to get the pill. Then I just had to wait three months to become safe before finding a perfect time for it to happen.

Chad's father was some kind of special 'Mr. Fix It' for his company, a huge industrial corporation. Chad had once explained to me that he had moved around his entire childhood as his dad was transferred from plant to plant, stepping in to make each losing plant profitable one at a time. The constant moving sucked, but Chad's parents also seemed to be really well off. In October Chad's dad had to travel to El Paso to visit some factory in crisis. Chad's mom was going with him and they were staying over the weekend. I saw my chance to consummate our love at Chad's house while they were gone. 

Chad asked me what I wanted to do during the weekend on Friday afternoon as we hung out after school. "I'd like you to invite me over to your house and cook me dinner." I told him. 

"You must have never tried my cooking before." Chad said. 

I leaned close to Chad's ear. "Well, after dinner I thought you might like to make love to me." Chad looked into my eyes for several moments in surprise before he started to nod his head. Then a smile crept into his face. 

"I'd like that a lot." He told me.

Chad was nowhere near as poor a cook as he had implied, and the dinner was actually quite good. After dinner he surprised me by suggesting that we watch a movie together. I've known enough teen boys to know that this was a remarkable show of patience. Most boys expecting sex after dinner would have torn my clothes off for dessert.

When the movie ended we started making out. Soon we were touching each other all over and removing each other's clothes. For being only eighteen and so inexperienced, Chad turned out to be a good lover. He brought me to an orgasm with his fingers before finally sliding between my legs to bring our virgin status to end. I felt his thick cock press against my opening. Then Chad stared deeply into my eyes as he slid it steadily into me. "Oh Chad" I whispered as I felt myself stretched to a delicious fullness.

On Wednesday the next week Chad drove me home from school. As we sat in my parent's driveway he delivered a bombshell. Chad's dad was transferring to El Paso to take charge of a factory in Juarez immediately. His mother had gone on the last trip to look for housing. Their current house was rented and the company was willing to pay the fees to break the lease. Chad was going to be gone within weeks, probably before Thanksgiving and certainly by Christmas.

I cried a lot. I fucked a lot too. Chad and I clung to each other and our new love, unwilling to let go. We made mad, passionate love whenever we could. We would have sex in his car at night on deserted roads, or in my room after school before my parents got home from work. I think we were trying to fit a life worth of loving into the weeks we had left.

All too soon the day arrived for Chad to leave. We promised to love each other forever and to stay true; all those things that naïve kids think can happen. We kissed one final time in his driveway. Then he got into the car with his mother and the drove off to the airport. I just stood there in front of his empty house for a long time after he left feeling sick to my stomach.

I moped for the next several months. Chad and I e-mailed frequently, and each new note made me feel dizzy with joy and crushed with despair at the same time. I think my parents were getting worried about me. My mother suggested that perhaps it would be best if I dated other boys at school, which I would not hear of. By February Chad's replies started coming less frequently. The week before Easter I got The Letter. 

Chad had broken his commitment to attend the university here in the Midwest. He was going to some college in Texas instead. His letter was both logical and devastating. We were going to be 1500 miles apart for as long as he could foresee. We had no chance to see each other. It would be best if we both moved on. 

I was despondent for the rest of the school year. I dropped a few activities, skipped the prom and mostly concentrated on my studies. It was not exactly the senior year I had been hoping for.

But life does move on, and so did I. 

I went to Michigan State that fall. I made a lot of new friends, dated a few men and got a little serious with a couple of them. By midwinter I was having fun, Chad firmly in the rearview mirror. I expected I'd never hear from him again.

In the fall of my second year I met Ben, a fourth year pre-law student. Ben was different from Chad in about a million ways. Equally brilliant, Ben was more bookish and decidedly not an athlete. He was cute nonetheless, and I was a little flattered when he asked me out. Ben had light brown wavy hair with dark brown eyes that you could get completely lost in. He had a great wit and a funny streak that could turn biting at times. He was never sharp when speaking with me though, and I knew his biting humor was a little bit of a crutch for his insecurities.

The next fall I stayed at State while Ben started law school at U of M in Ann Arbor. The two schools are only about an hour apart so the distance was just an inconvenience. We kept on much the same for the next two years. This all sounds boring I suppose as I gloss through it, but the truth is that we were in love and very happy together. During the long days we were apart we were both busy with our studies and our friends, so life was very easy.

Ben took me out for a special dinner after I graduated and proposed. I remember I was so happy I burst into tears. Ben was confused momentarily, but when I grabbed him and told him 'yes' he figured it out. We planned to have the wedding in another year after Ben finished law school.

The summer Ben graduated he accepted a position as a junior lawyer at one of the biggest law firms in Chicago. We followed his graduation with a large wedding in July. I'd have been happy with a smaller affair really, but it was Ben's parents who insisted on such a large event and they were willing to pay for it. After the wedding we bid farewell to our families and moved to our new home in Chicago.

If you have ever read a John Grisham novel, you know what life is like for new lawyers at large firms. 80 hour weeks are typical and Ben's firm was no exception. I kept busy finding a job and then getting myself established at work. I tried some activities in the area, joining a bowling league that winter and then playing softball in the spring.

Still, I was lonely. Ben was frequently gone and my new friends and activities were only so fulfilling. In hindsight, I think this loneliness triggered a strong mothering desire in me. I started to crave a baby.

I brought it up with Ben a little before we had been in Chicago two years. I expected him to resist the idea and cite a million reasons not to start a family. He was working so hard, our families were so far away, he could have argued anything. Instead, I think he understood my need. Ben held me close and rubbed the tip of his nose against mine. "I think you'd make a wonderful mother." Was all he said before he gave me the most tender kiss. That day I threw my birth control pills in the trash.

They warn you not to get your hopes up for the first three months coming off the pill. Plus, Ben's work schedule often interfered with us having sex at the best times. So after three months I wasn't too worried. 

When I got my period after six months, I bit back tears. It takes a while for some people I told myself over and over. Plus, a lot of the times I was at my most fertile Ben would be off travelling for a deposition or simply too tired from a hard day. I rationalized that we had just missed a few key moments and that the next month would be the one. Still, I found myself wandering the aisle with the fertility and pregnancy books nearly every time I was at the library.

After ten months I visited my OB. There was nothing obviously wrong with me, and she was reluctant to start a bunch of invasive tests on someone as young as me. "Give it to a year first and we can check more. In the meantime, the easiest thing to check is your husband's sperm. Have him tested." She told me.

That turned out to be easier said than done. When I brought up the subject, it sparked a very uncharacteristically heated argument with Ben. I was stunned. I had apparently touched a nerve, one that went straight to some insecurities relating to Ben's image of himself as a man.

I tried to bring the subject up again for a couple months, but it quickly was becoming taboo. The conversation about Ben's fertility was walled off from conversation. I finally found the leverage I needed when my OB completed a very thorough exam on me. I forced Ben to accompany me to the office for my results. There was absolutely no reason that she could find for my not having conceived in over a year. The OB told Ben sternly that he had to get himself checked out. He reluctantly agreed. 

Ben made and kept an appointment with a urologist. On a Thursday afternoon Ben and I were to meet at the urologist's office for a consultation about the results. Ben was a no-show for the appointment. I waited in the lobby for 45 minutes calling his cell phone, but he would not pick up. Eventually I got the urologist to meet with just me. Ben's doctor was nonplussed. "Realistically, this information affects both your husband and you. But strictly put, it is his medical information." I pressed him to tell me the results even without Ben. Finally he sighed and agreed to share the news. He spread his hands and said "Susan, your husband has a sperm count that is similar to a man who has had a vasectomy. The simple truth is that given time, you will probably never conceive. There are some things we could discuss....."

I drove home wiping tears from my eyes. Ben came home late with no explanation for his absence and we ate dinner in silence. After that things seemed to return to normal. Ben would not consider adoption and I knew better than to bring up the idea of assisted or even worse, artificial insemination. He talked himself into believing a fantasy. "If we just keep trying, we'll conceive eventually'" he told me. I threw myself into my friends and activities with even more enthusiasm and tried not to think about how desperate I was. 

Reading this compressed account of our fertility problems, you might have the impression that we were at loggerheads daily and on the brink of divorce. This isn't how things were. Most of the time we were still a happy couple. Despite my extreme frustration with Ben's avoidance of his fertility issue, I still loved him. On Sundays when he was finally free of the tyranny of his law firm we had wonderful afternoons together in the shops and museums of Chicago. Still, our union was on a precipice. The current negotiated peace could not last. I could never be happy childless and I would have to find a solution whether that was adoption, artificial insemination or even, as I considered in my darkest fears, divorce and moving on. And if Ben could not face the situation and work with me to find a solution then our marriage was probably doomed. The reality was that our apparent return to normalcy was really just a postponement of the crisis we were in. 

I guess some of the strain between us was bubbling to the surface. After the office Christmas party, Ben was encouraged to take a vacation by one of the senior partners. As he explained it to me at home, they told him to 'Take that pretty wife of yours someplace warm for a week and see if you can make her smile.' And with that we planned a mid-winter trip to Hawaii.

The flight was brutally long, but after connecting through Honolulu we wound up on the island of Maui. We eschewed the huge resorts and booked ourselves into a small resort compound of individual condos that were situated off the beach. There was a nice small town in walking distance and a few large resorts down the road in case we wanted any amenities that they offered, but the idea of a small private place appealed to us.

We spent the first day relaxing on the beach. We swam a bit and mostly just lay about drinking funny drinks with umbrellas while recovering from jet lag. True to my chatty nature, I made a friend. Jennifer was from Dayton where she had some type of boring office job. She'd won a trip to Hawaii on a radio station contest and so here she was. I bumped into her when I walked up from the beach to use the bathroom by the bar. We talked a while, long enough to realize that she was a very funny person. I told her I hoped to see her around and headed back down to the water to my lounge chair by Ben.

The second day was when things turned interesting. I had taken birth control pills from the time I decided to first sleep with Chad until the time that Ben and I agreed to try and start a family. Since stopping the pill, I had gotten a lot more in touch with my cycles. My period had ended a few days before we left for the islands and I knew that I would be increasingly horny as I approached ovulation while on vacation. This was fine with me as I knew it would lead to some nice sexual episodes with Ben in our beachside bedroom.

I mention this because of my mood on day two. Once Ben and I reached the beach I couldn't help but notice this one guy standing on the sand staring out to sea. He was really good looking, and since I was feeling a little randy I looked him over in detail. He was pretty muscular, but not in a body builder kind of way. More like a swimmer. He had blond hair and when he turned to look back my way I saw that he had a very handsome face. I also suddenly realized that I knew him.

"Chad? Is that you?" I was actually in shock. The coincidence of running into my high school sweetheart here in Hawaii a decade later was hard to believe. The man turned again to look at me. A long moment passed.

"Susan?" he asked. Oh shit. It was really him. 

My heart was pounding in my chest. I was so flustered I was at a complete loss. For a long time we stared into each others faces before I suddenly remembered Ben. He was standing beside me looking at me with a question on his face. "Uh, Ben. This is Chad. We went to high school together." I finished with a vague truth.

An aside is due here. Once Ben and I were serious we had the usual talk about sexual partners. We covered the who, the when and the how many. The truth was that neither Ben nor I had been with very many others and neither of us were especially experienced. Despite this, I had lied to Ben and told him my first was someone in college. I had never mentioned Chad.

I was not embarrassed about my past with Chad. It wasn't about the fact that I had slept with him in high school or anything like that. The truth was that even after all the years our loss was still a little painful to me. And as my first, Chad had been something special. He had remained my secret. 

Ben and Chad exchanged pleasantries. I was fit to burst with a million questions. Fortunately, after the two men were introduced Ben sensed my desire to be alone with Chad. Ben is not a jealous type and he knew he could trust me. I'm sure he understood that two old friends would want to catch up and that our shared stories of high school would doubtless bore him. He stretched a bit. "God! beautiful morning, huh? I think I'm going to do some snorkeling out on the reef." With that, Ben left us alone for almost two hours.

First we just marveled at the incredible coincidence of running in to each other in Maui of all places. 'You arrived yesterday and I'm leaving day after tomorrow." Chad said. It was amazing that our time at the resort condos overlapped. Then Chad and I quickly caught up on the past ten years. My story as I have related to you was pretty damn boring. Then Chad filled me in on his life story from the time of our parting.

After The Letter, Chad spent one year at college in Texas. He did fine academically, but soon decided that college was not for him. As he explained it, he must have inherited his own father's wanderlust. After 9/11 Chad's urge to do something else found a purpose. Chad had left school and joined the Army with some vague goal of fighting terrorism.




It's Complicated



Chad had not entered the Army blindly. He had the test scores to request some things and when he left boot camp he was well positioned. He attended both Ranger school and officer candidate school making Chad a Lieutenant in the elite Rangers in time to fight in Iraq. In the meanwhile, Chad had met Jeanine. They got married and had a daughter together before his deployment. Jeanine could not handle Chad's constant absence and while he was off fighting in the desert sand she found love elsewhere. They were divorced before he ever came home from the war. 

After two tours in that hot hellhole Chad had enough. He'd toiled for a pittance in Army money for years while watching civilian contractors doing safer and easier jobs than him for piles of cash. Chad was discharged and followed the revolving door back to war, this time getting paid for the misery as a private security guard for journalists in Afghanistan. "So you're a mercenary?" I asked him.

"We prefer the term contractor" he said. "But yeah, I was a mercenary. I'm not anymore." Chad studied the water and changed the subject. "I like the ocean. It's peaceful here." Chad had come to Hawaii to relax after his wars. He had amassed a lot of money and was living off it while taking some time to decide what to do next.

I could feel how he had been hurt by Jeanine and my heart ached for him. I wound up sharing Ben and my own troubles with fertility. Chad was sympathetic. "This week would be a good one for us to conceive." I told Chad. "Maybe Hawaii will lend us some magic."

That night, Ben was in the mood for sex. When I joined him in bed in the condo he started kissing me. Before long, he slid down my body to lick my inner thighs. I pulled my legs up as he began to roam his tongue around my outer lips. After a while, he turned his focus to my clitoris. When he started to probe my opening with a finger, I let my fantasy world start running.

For the past year, my 'go to' fantasy had been that a stranger was watching us as Ben licked my pussy. I'd imagine this shadowy figure sitting in a corner of the room watching us as Ben brought me slowly but steadily to orgasm. Inevitably, the shadow figure would watch me climax on Ben's face.

I followed the established pattern tonight and sighed once Ben's finger finally penetrated my vagina. That was when the pattern changed. As I felt Ben slip a finger inside me, I mentally glanced back at the shadow figure. He looked familiar. I looked harder into the dark corner of the room. It was Chad.

The Chad of my sexual fantasy that night was not the boy I had fucked in high school. This was the Chad of the present; full grown and a veteran of both war and the vagaries of life. He looked on motionless as Ben was stimulating me. Shockingly I felt guilty, but not because fantasizing about Chad was an infidelity against Ben. No, I felt guilty that I was letting Ben have me while Chad was only looking on. It was as if I was cheating on Chad with Ben. I came faster than I think I ever have before.

"I'm coming." I gasped as my vagina grasped Ben's fingers tightly. My release pounded through me. When I stopped coming I wanted to be fucked, and fucked hard. I pulled Ben up between my legs.

His cock slipped into my wet pussy. In moments he was thrusting deeply into me. In the past, my fantasy of the strange watcher has only been while Ben had been licking me. Tonight, disturbingly, it went way past that. Now it was Chad, back to fuck me again as he had in high school. The shadow figure in the corner was gone. Now he was between my thighs sliding his hardness into me over and over. I shuddered through a series of small orgasms. 

I rolled Ben over to be on top. He slipped back inside, but in my head it was Chad that was filling my pussy. I rocked my hips forward and back endlessly, rubbing my clit on his pubic bone to come again and again. Finally Ben stiffened beneath me. He groaned with his release as he jabbed his hips upwards to ejaculate into me. Most shockingly, in my head it was Chad that was inseminating me. I almost called out his name as I welcomed his seed into my fertile womb.

I awoke in the morning feeling groggy and out of sorts as if I had not slept soundly. I felt a rush of guilt as I recalled my emotions of the previous night. "Get a hold of yourself, Susan" I thought. It wasn't like I had done anything wrong. I'd just had a harmless fantasy, and a good one at that. I'd certainly come hard. 

After breakfast Ben and I walked the beach holding hands. It was a beautiful morning. Later we relaxed on lounge chairs and we were joined by Jennifer. Ben had buried his nose in a novel so she and I traded a few lawyer jokes at his expense. Occasionally we could elicit a grunt from him with a particularly barbed one. By noon we said goodbye to Jennifer and went out to lunch in town.

After lunch we headed back down to the shore. Chad came strolling up the beach from the direction opposite the major resorts. He sat next to Ben and began describing the area off that way in detail. Meanwhile I was laid back in my chair pretending to doze. In reality I was watching Chad.

Despite being fucked extremely well the previous night, I was still very horny. I figured I must be just about to ovulate, if not today than certainly tomorrow. As I sat there, my pussy was practically flowing wetness into the crotch of my bikini. My inner lips were engorged from my arousal and I shifted my legs uncomfortably. With a start I suddenly realized that Ben was speaking to me. I had been lost in my erotic thoughts and I had not heard a word that he had said.

"What was that honey?" I asked him.

"Chad offered to take us down the beach and explore the cove over there." He pointed vaguely. "He said there is a waterfall and a pool that makes for some interesting snorkeling. What do you think?"

I considered for a few moments. "Why don't you two boys run along. I want to do some shopping in town, so maybe I'll look up Jennifer and head out with her instead."

Ben nodded in agreement. He hates shopping, especially for the kind of stuff he knew I'd want to look at. The two men collected some snorkeling gear and changed into reasonable shoes for climbing around in the rocks. When they left I walked back to our condo. I called Jennifer's room number and we made plans to go shopping in a half hour. I peeled off my bikini to change into a dress. Before dressing I needed to do something. Naked, I lay back on the bed and started to finger myself. 

My pussy was absolutely soaking wet. As I dipped in a finger, I spread my own wetness all around my lips. It felt so slick and delicious that a shudder passed down my spine. I closed my eyes and moaned softly. Once again, Chad was in the room watching me. He stared at my naked body with lust as my fingers slid around and around my swollen clitoris. I wanted him to come and take me. 

Chad advanced towards me holding his rigid cock before him. He got closer and closer to my waiting body. As he touched the head of his cock to my opening I came hard. "Uhhhhnnnn!" I moaned in release, feeling my own vaginal muscles gripping my fingers in a vice-like grasp. When my climax passed, I sat up and looked at the clock. Only a handful of minutes had passed since I had started masturbating . I was so horny that it had taken me no time to bring myself to completion. My guilt at fantasizing about Chad again surfaced again in my mind, but I brushed it away as I pulled on a pair of panties and a sundress. Then I slipped on a pair of sandals and I was ready to go.

Jennifer and I had a lot of fun shopping in town. I bought some cute dresses and some seashell jewelry. Jennifer got herself a ring in the shape of a jumping dolphin. Eventually my feet were starting to hurt and I realized it was getting late. "I could really use a drink tonight." Jennifer said. "Do you think Ben would like to get together at the bar for a few rounds?" I was reasonably confident Ben would like to go out, so I told her I'd meet her at the bar later. We set a time and I went to our place.

When I got back to our condo, there was no sign of Ben. It seemed like an awfully long time to be off hiking. I started to think of the shear cliffs and rugged looking jungle areas of the island and I felt a little worry. I started to concoct terrible scenarios of him slipping at the head of a waterfall and falling to his death. In my terrifying daydream I pictured Ben slipping and Chad reaching for him wildly. Their fingers just missed each other and then Chad was watching in horror as Ben fell down and down. I walked down to the beach to look for them. 

I looked off in the direction that Chad and Ben had gone. To my relief, two small figures were approaching from far off. I waited for Ben and Chad and felt the warm breeze off the water blowing in my hair. I watched the sun heading down to meet the ocean as the sky shaded into intense oranges and pinks. When they got closer Ben smiled and waved. I waved back at him. 

"How was it?" I asked when they got within earshot.

"Awesome!" exclaimed Ben. He and Chad shared a look, grinning at each other. Clearly they'd had a lot of fun scrambling around the rocks and snorkeling together. Ben grabbed my hand. He waved goodbye to Chad and together we walked back to our condo.

When we were alone Ben provided a little more detail. "That was a lot of fun, but your old friend nearly walked me into the ground out there. Did you know he was some kind of Special Forces guy?" Ben didn't wait for a response, but just prattled on about his afternoon. He told me that he'd taken a lot of great pictures on our camera and showed me a few on the LCD. "Unlike Chad, I didn't spend the last two years hiking the mountains of Afghanistan. I'm totally whipped." He explained. "I think I want to have dinner and then go to bed early." 

I told Ben that I had promised Jennifer that we'd meet her in the bar. I asked him if he minded if I went out with her alone while he went to bed. "That's fine with me honey. I'm sorry to bail out on you tonight but I'm just exhausted from this afternoon." He said. 

We had a wonderful dinner together at a seafood restaurant in the town. I could see over dinner that Ben was practically falling asleep. I think the jetlag was teaming up with the exertion to wipe him out. I dropped him off at our place and gave him a good night kiss before I left for the bar. "I'm glad you had fun today honey." I told him. "Now get some sleep."

When I got to the bar around ten, Jennifer was already there drinking an enormous colorful drink festooned with fruit and an umbrella. "These are great!" she told me. I saw the waitress approaching and looking at me. 

"I'll take whatever the heck that is." I told the waitress, and she walked off towards the bar. It was a shame that Jennifer lived way off in Dayton really, as she and I were becoming friends quite quickly. I told her she should move to Chicago. I had a couple of the big fruity drinks as we swapped tales and laughed together. As I drained my second cocktail I checked my watch and I was shocked to discover that it was after midnight. Jennifer asked me if I wanted to get a third round. 

"Oh, it's getting late." I told her. "I really should get to bed." 

"Alright." she allowed. "I'll let you off easy this time." 

We settled our bill and I gave her a quick hug before we parted. "Good luck!" she called to me as I walked into the tropical night heading back towards our condo. What a strange thing to call out to me I thought.

On the way back to my sleeping husband I walked past Chad's condo. At the end of the little path leading up to his door I paused. I looked at the little hut on the edge of the beach. A light was burning softly in one room. I licked my lips nervously.

I had up to this moment been in complete denial. Behind the scenes my brain had been working feverishly ever since I had first recognized Chad on the beach. Everything at this moment became clear; the intense awareness of my monthly cycle, the sudden out of control horniness, the vivid and naughty fantasies. I knew what I wanted, and my feet suddenly started forward carrying me towards the door.

I could rationalize anything to myself at that moment. Without a baby, Ben and I were doomed as a couple. We seemed solidly together now, but an unsolvable crisis loomed in our near future. Chad was my long lost love and my feelings for him had never died. This whole coincidental meeting then, could it not be fate? Could this horrible wrong not be in fact right? 

The truth however as I reached out to knock on the door was that I was not acting on my rationalizations. I wanted Chad to take me completely and utterly. I wanted him to make me his woman for at least a little while. I wanted him to fill my body and I wanted to call his name in the dark as he gave me a baby. 

The door opened and Chad stared at me in the near darkness. He was wearing nothing but a pair of shorts in the warm Hawaiian night. The silence hung in the air but a lot passed between us unsaid. "I'm sorry." He finally said. "I'm sorry for everything."

I pressed my finger to his lips. "Don't speak." I whispered.

Chad pulled me into his strong arms and kissed me as he hadn't kissed me since that terrible November day in his driveway years before. He held me for a long time while my passion burned hotter and hotter. Finally he pulled back to look at me. "Are you sure?" he whispered.

In answer, I tugged the shoulder straps of my dress and felt the small knots come apart. The dress fell to the floor with a quiet rustle. I had no bra restraining my pert B-sized breasts and they gleamed milky white in the pale light of the moon. My nipples were hard like pebbles. I hooked my fingers under the elastic of my panties and tugged them past my hips. They fell to join the dress at my feet. I slowly slid my hands back up my thighs over the gentle swell of my feminine hips to rest on my narrow waist. Chad's eyes moved lower until they found the dark triangle of trimmed hair that pointed like an arrow at my waiting cleft. 

Naked, I moved into Chad's embrace. I was so inflamed that I could feel my wetness starting to run down the inside of my thigh. I ran my fingers lightly over his muscular chest, feeling his strength. Finally, Chad gathered me up and carried me to his bed.

He lay me down and then took just a moment to drop his shorts and step from them. He stood between my legs then and I felt his hardness touch against my opening. His strong hands gripped my hips, prepared to pull my body against his. We had progressed from that first kiss to lying naked and ready on the bed very quickly. But what we were about to do was no small thing. I think the enormity of my infidelity lay suddenly before us. Chad paused on the brink of impaling me with his cock as we both took stock. We stared into each other's eyes for a long time. I slowly closed mine, waiting for him to take me. My passivity invited him to do what he would.

Then I felt his thick shaft suddenly spread my pussy wide open. I was so wet and aroused that I offered him no resistance. He slid all the way in, stretching me full. "Oh Chad!" I whispered once more, just as I had when he had first entered my virgin body so long ago.

Chad pumped into me with very long strokes. Each time he would slide back until the head of his cock just slipped from my vagina. Then he would slide it back in, spreading me open for his penetration each time. At the end he would hold me briefly, letting me feel his size as he pressed his balls against my ass and his cock probed against my cervix. I felt wonderfully full at the end of each stroke. When he withdrew, I felt so empty inside that I longed to feel him filling me again. Each time he penetrated me anew I gasped with the sheer pleasure of it.

In a short while, my gasps turned to groans. Chad fucked me without pause then, and I soon came hard on his cock. "Unnnnh! I'm coming. I'm coming." I moaned. I felt a spasm deep in my pelvis as I gripped Chad deep inside my body. After I climaxed, he lay back on the bed beside me. I crawled on top of him and grasped his thick cock. It was warm and perfectly solid in my hand. I felt my own wetness smeared all over him and I could see a drop of pre-cum formed at the glans. I pointed it straight at my pussy. Then I lowered myself down his entire length until I rested atop his hips.

I rocked my hips forward and back then, feeling Chad's cock as I rode it deep inside my pussy. The tip of him rocked forward and back inside me, stretching me and pummling my cervix. My clit and lips were rubbing directly on Chad's hard pubic bone and the friction was exquisite. I came repeatedly on top of his body, smiling down at his face after each climax. 

He was dimly visible in the moonlight from the window. I saw him watching me as I fucked myself deeply on his cock and moaned with my passion. After untold orgasms I was tiring. I raised myself up and off of him and lay down by his side. "I want you to come." I whispered to him as he positioned himself between my legs. Chad entered me once more in the missionary position, this time to finish the act.

I hugged him close as I lay back. My legs were splayed wide, my unprotected pussy open and inviting him to fuck me deeply and fill me with his load. I rubbed my bare feet against the back of his legs as his hips bucked against my mound and his hard cock slid in and out of me. He was breathing hard now and I knew he was getting close. "I want your cum Chad. Fill me up. Fill me with your cum." I told him.

Chad made a sudden, choking noise as he reached the point of no return. He pressed his hips hard into my mound and drove his cock as deeply into me as he could, preparing to inseminate me with his potent seed. Time seemed to stretch out then, and an eternity passed before I suddenly felt a powerful throb deep inside me. Chad's first pulse of semen splashed against my cervix and I gasped with pleasure. He groaned with his own release, and his cock spasmed over and over, pumping jet after jet of thick cum deep into me. I pictured him filling me deep inside, impregnating my waiting womb with hundreds of millions of sperm. Feeling him come inside me and knowing he was impregnating me was the most erotic thing I have ever experienced.

His cock gave a last few erratic twitches deep in me and finally he was spent. He pulled his wet, softening member out of my body lay down next to me. His cock trailed a thin line of cum on my mound as he pulled out. We held each other for a long time. I could feel the sweat on my skin, cooling me after our mutual exertion. I could smell the slight tang of my own arousal and the faint scent of his semen. Inside my pelvis, millions of sperm were flooding my uterus. At the same time, one ovary was releasing my egg to meet them.

I had no sense of time. I held him for as long as I could, but ultimately I knew I had to leave. "I have to go now." I told him softly.

"I know." He replied in the dark. "I hope I could give you what you wanted."

"I hope so too." I thought for a minute. "I'll always love you."

I dressed quietly in the dark Chad watched me with sad eyes as I let myself out. As I walked across the moonlit sand to reach our condo I felt Chad's semen flowing from my body and flooding my panties. He had inseminated me with a massive load and as I walked it started to run down my thigh. Normally I'd simply wipe myself up as soon as possible and think nothing of it, but tonight I thought of what my ruined panties represented and I was both scared and excited.

That started to change when I reached my own door. I could rationalize my action as a desperate bid to get a baby and ultimately save my marriage. But deep inside I could not deny that I also knew that what I had done was fundamentally wrong. Perhaps I had saved us, but I had also betrayed Ben in the worst way I could. 




It's Complicated



It was too late for recriminations now. I had made my choice and now I would live with it for good or evil. I pushed the guilt from my mind with an effort and let myself in the doorway. I slipped off my dress and then peeled off the sticky panties. I wadded them up and buried them in the trash. I made as little noise as possible while cleaning myself up and performing my bedtime preparations. I hoped Ben was still solidly asleep as I pulled on a loose shirt and slipped into bed next to him.

Ben rolled over and wrapped his arm around my waist. He stirred a bit and I saw him peek at the clock. "Wow, it's two o'clock. You and Jennifer must have had a good time." He said.

"We did, I drank one or two too many of those fruity drinks." I told him.

Ben was apparently in the mood. I cringed inside as he pushed me down gently and rolled on top of me between my legs. I briefly considered telling him I was too tired for sex, but he slipped himself into me before I could say anything. I was surprised that my arousal was not done after the string of orgasm I'd had. Ben's hardness felt good as he started to rub his body between my legs, thrusting his cock deeper into me.

"God! Are you ever wet!" Ben exclaimed, feeling the sloppy wetness of my just-fucked pussy. It was like a dagger, spearing me with my own guilt.

"I'm ovulating today." I whispered to him. "I want to feel you come." I urged him. Then I closed my eyes and just let Ben fuck my body. After a while he stiffened and started to come. I rubbed my hands up and down his torso as I felt his cock throb and pump his load into my vagina. When he finished we held each other in the dark until we both fell asleep.

A couple weeks after we got home from Hawaii I pulled out my personal calendar and checked the dates to be sure. I was three days overdue for my period even if I was running my longest typical cycle. I stopped by the drug store on the way home from work and bought a double pregnancy test. My hands were shaking as I peed on the first stick. In only 40 seconds a double line appeared. The second tester gave the same positive result.

I kept the news to myself for another month. I was sure that I was going to miscarry. I felt that God was going to punish me for what I had done and he would make me lose the baby. I tossed and turned with terrible dreams of visiting the bathroom and finding my panties soaked in blood. I was thrilled to finally be pregnant, but I was chased by the guilt of how I had gotten that way.

Finally when I started to get sick most days and I couldn't tolerate the smell of a lot of foods Ben asked me what the hell was going on. It almost came out of me like a confession. "I think I'm pregnant." I told him. 

Ben was overjoyed. I'd have died from guilt to see him so pleased by my deception but for one thing. In it all, I could tell that what made Ben happiest was that he knew how badly I wanted this baby. His joy was really because he was happy for me. "I told you that if we just kept trying it would happen, didn't I?" Ben observed with a smirk. "It must have happened in Hawaii." He continued. I almost hated him for his smug 'I told you so' attitude at that moment, but I knew it was better than him knowing the truth. And his obvious pleasure at just seeing my own desperate need to be pregnant finally get fulfilled finally helped me get past the worst of the guilt. 

Our Hawaiian vacation was six months ago as I write this. My belly is swelling bigger every day now. At twenty weeks I had an ultrasound and learned that I was carrying a baby boy. At nights when I sleep I dream of my blond haired, blue eyed son smiling as he runs towards me. I cannot wait to meet him. 



It's Complicated



 (Debated where this should go. It's truly a romance story, but since it doesn't contain a sex scene it maybe should be in non-erotic. If I write a part two though it will. In which case, this is the prequel story. You decide.) 

*

"If you're not a man with a woman on his mind I don't know what one looks like." I hear a soft voice break through my thoughts.

Looking up from the cluster of cooing pigeons I see first brown house shoes, worn on the tips badly, then a polished, knobby, wooden cane. It has a white porcelain hound's head at the top. Wrinkled fingers rest on it lightly.

"Am I right?" he says.

The man's face is lined with care and worn with time. He smiles kindly at me.

"I am aren't I?" He reaches up and tugs on his flat cap. "I was watching you. You walked around this park a full thirty times without ever looking up. It's a mile around this lake. I'm glad to see you finally sat down. May I?" He gestures to the bench beside me.

"Sure... I mean please," I tell him sliding to the side.

He smiles and walks those few steps with a slow gimpy walk. He sits down carefully. He comes to rest with a pleasurable sigh.

"Ah thank you. Old bones don't like to be up that much any more." He leans down resting his hands on his cane and his chest against his hands. He looks at me then grimaces. "Women ... they confuse the best of us don't they?"

I nod at the truth of that.

"So want to tell me about the one that's bothering you? I'm a total stranger so telling me can't hurt. Right?" He gives me a soft grin. Then a wink.

I sit quite for a minute then decide he's harmless.

"It's kind of complicated." I tell him.

He shrugs.

"Between you, me, and these pigeons we can work out anything." He chuckles.

"There's this girl ...." I start then stop.

"I got that part." He says laughing. He gives me a second then smiles. "Just start at the beginning."

"That may take awhile," I warn him.

"Well, till I run out of bread crumbs the pigeons have nothing better to do." He tosses out a hand full of crumbs. They cluster around us hunting the ground. "And they are the busy ones."

I nod slowly.

"Okay." I take a breath. "Well, to begin with my Mom recently got divorced."

"Is she the woman?" he asks giving his cane a twist till the dog head is looking at me.

"What? No ... lord no. I mean I love my Mom but not like that." I stutter at the idea.

He gives a shrug.

"Well, you got to admit that would be a complicated situation. Never mind me, though. Continue."

I look at him for a second then nod.

"Well like I said Mom just got divorced."

"From your Dad?" he asks lifting an eyebrow.

"What? No. He was my step dad. I never knew my father."

I watch him take out a second hand full of crumbs from a bag in his pocket and hold them down. Soon a pigeon is sitting in his hand eating.

"Sad that. Never to know your real father." He gives a sigh. "Sorry, I interrupted you, continue. Your mom just got divorced. By the way, since she's single is she into older men who like to feed pigeons?" he asks with a grin.

Chuckling, I shake my head. "Anyway the man she divorced is named Jeff. Well he has a younger sister." I shrug a little.

"How young? For that matter how young are you? I would say maybe twenty-five, but I could be off by a few years." The dog head is back to watching the pigeons.

I smile.

"Just by one I'm twenty-six. River's birthday is tomorrow. She'll be eighteen." I look at the lines around his eyes and mouth. I realize both ages must seem absurdly young to him.

"Just eight years between you? That's not that bad. I was ten years older than my first wife was. It didn't cause that big of a difference in our relationship." He gives me a wink. "Marry a younger woman. They will have the stamina to keep you younger than your years."

I smile then shrug and look down at the pigeons. A white one is following a bluish gray one around.

"He's trying to get him a piece of tail too. Maybe I should be giving him advice. He might give me more to work with."

"Sorry." I look up at him. My eyes go to his cane. The dog is watching me again.

"Don't be sorry. It wastes time. Don't apologize, make things right or do no wrong. So ... she's not too young for you. Does she have a boyfriend?"

"No." I give a shrug. "She's had a few over the last couple of years, but nothing recently."

"So what's the problem? Go to her party. Bring a dinner invitation to a delightful restaurant as your gift. Take her out to eat and see if she likes your company."

"I can't do that." I tell him looking away. 

"Why not?" he asks with a tap on my foot from his cane.

"It complicated."

"Oh, were back to that again. Do you love her?" he asks sharply.

I look back at him. After a second I kind of shrug.

"That's not an answer. Do you love her?" He looks at me intently watching my face with sharp eyes.

I look down at my hands. His eyes are hard to look at their so fierce.

"I don't know."

"You don't know if you love her?" he asks tilting his head a little.

I shake my head no.

He gives a sigh and leans his chin down onto his hands, atop the cane.

"Do you think about her?" he asks after a second.

I take a breath.

"All the time," I answer softly.

"Speak up, I'm a bit deaf in my right eye." He closes the left and looks at me with a grin.

I chuckle.

"All ... The ... Time," I tell his slowly.

"With your head, your heart, or your nuts?" he asks with a toothy grin.

I chuckle at his antics.

"All three. She's beautiful." I picture River in my mind. Her light blond hair, smiling face. The memory of a long hug she gave me once a few months ago comes back to me. The feel of her in my arms then.

"All women are beautiful. There is something about every one of them that is beautiful. What is it about River that makes you remember her?"

I think of her face and realize I know that answer without even thinking.

"Her eyes"

He gives his cane a twist and the dog is back watching me.

"What about her eyes? Are they some special color? What color are they? Do you know?" He smiles.

"They're blue. Like a deep lake blue. An autumn sky blue. It's not the color though." I shake my head.

"What is it then?" he asks softly, looking intently into my eyes.

"They're like yours," I say as the thought comes to me.

"Like Mine! Old and wrinkled? That poor girl." He grins as I smile and shake my head.

"No. Intense. Like you can see the answer even before I say it. She's like that. When she looks at you, her whole face is alive with her eyes. When she's happy, you can see it there. When she's sad, it's the same."

He slowly nods.

"Well take it from me if you can't trust what your own heart is telling you. I can hear the way you feel about her and these old eyes can see what your head isn't telling ya. You're in love with her."

I nod accepting.

"So you going to do what I said? Take her to dinner?" I notice the cane has turned around till it's looking up at him. It slowly turns to look at me. The little porcelain eyes almost seem to focus on my face. I shiver.

"I can't!"

"Why not?" he asks forcefully. Several pigeons fly off startled. He tosses some more crumbs out to them. "Why the hell not? And if you tell me it's complicated I'm going to kick you."

I sit silent looking out at the lake for several seconds. I see several ducks swimming around the wood stumps of an old pier.

"My mom and her brother just went through a very bitter divorce. I don't want to be the one to drag all those feeling back into the open. Things just settled down."

He sighs.

"That's terribly noble of you. To sacrifice your happiness so they don't have to suffer."

I look at him not appreciating the sarcasm. Then I see in his eyes that he's being sincere.

"But let me ask you. This man, Jeff? Did you call him Dad? How long were they married?" He leans back on the bench, resting his cane between his crossed feet. I notice the dog seems to be watching a large V of geese that fly over head.

I sit quite for a second. I can feel hot tears wanting to come to my eyes. Not all of the bitter part was between Mom and Jeff.

"Yeah, I did. They were together for nearly fifteen years." I finally tell him. I can't look at those eyes. On River they pull me in, on him they make me want to hide.

"Was he a good man? Did he try to be a good father to you?" When I nod, he second the motion. "Sounds to me like he's the type of man would love to see his 'Son' happy. Maybe even at his own expense. I also guess he knows you pretty good. Probably wouldn't mind his little sister going out with a nice ... fairly clean cut guy." He eyes my ponytail with a smirk.

I shrug and give it a twitch to the other side. I notice his eyes go to my ear and I know I've just uncovered my earring.

"How about your former grand parents? River and Jeff's mom and dad? Are they still this side of the daisies?"

"Oh, Yeah. They're a little old ..." I stop when I say it, but not quick enough.

He grins at me.

"I felt the same when I was your age. My grandfather died when I was twelve. I thought he was so old. I saw his deaths certificate once. He died at forty five." He chuckles. "Hell, if I was fifty again I would be chasing those girls over there playing volleyball around trying to get me a piece."

I look to the girls he's talking about. I hadn't noticed them till then. He sees that on my face.

"That many girls playing a game that makes their tit's bounce and you didn't even know they were there? Yeah you're in love."

I nod and look back down at the birds.

"So her parents like you?" he asks after a few moments of silence.

"Oh yeah. They love me. I was their first grandson. They kind of treat me like I can do no wrong on this earth." I shake my head. "I don't really know how to feel about them now. I still care for them but ... now they are no longer related to me."

"Well, dating their daughter is certainly a first step towards correcting that. Or do you not think you love River enough to maybe put a ring on her finger some day?"

I notice the dogs head turn slowly towards me as I take a bit of time to think through the answer. I'm really starting to get the creeps from that walking stick.

"I haven't given marriage a lot of thought, but if I was going to marry anyone ... yeah, River would be at the very top of the list of women I would like to spend my live with."

He smiles at me.

"See not so very complicated. You love her. Her family still loves you ... like a son or grandson at the very least." He sits up and tosses out more breadcrumbs. The cooing mass cluster around our feet. "How about your Mom?"

I look up from the birds.

"What do you mean? What about her?" I ask with a son's defensive tone coming to light.

He looks up at me with those wrinkle-encased eyes. They focus on my face like the gaze of a wolf.

"I won't ask if your Mom loves you. She's your mom; it goes with the job title. That and the ability to forgive almost anything no matter how stupid. Can she handle the idea of you with Jeff's sister? Does she like River?" He twiddles the cane around in his hand for a few seconds. "Some women couldn't take that kind of thing in stride. Is she that type?"

"I think she ... might be hurt a bit if I didn't tell her about it first. Yeah, she loves River a lot."

He smiles.

"Well the best advice I can give to anyone ... ever, is so long as she's alive always go to your Mom with these type of things. More often than not she will help you get back on your feet when the world knocks you down. Also part of the job description." He takes the bread bag from his pocket and up ends the last of the crumbs to the ground. "Well, you have till those are gone and then you're stuck with just me. I don't know how well you'll make out without the wise advice of these featherheads."

I smile down at the white pigeon. He is sitting on my foot now fighting with the blue gray bird he was casing earlier. He looks up at the dog cane and cocks an eye towards it for a long time. The dog slowly turns to look at the bird. Then back up to look at me.

Okay, I've had enough of that.

"Thank you. You have really made me think." I tell him getting up slowly so as not to chase the pigeons from their meal.

"That was my intent." He smiles and offers me his hand. When I take it, I surprise at the hard strength of his grip. He looks me steady in the eye and I can't look away. "If you do decide to go to her with words of love make sure of one thing. That it's your heart and not your nuts, that's led you there."

I nod, and he tilts his head a little to the side looking at me intently.

"I bet you River already has some strong feelings for you herself. I would be willing to put a silver dollar to a dime that she does." He smiles. "Good luck and get you a piece of her birthday cake. Even if it's her 'pie' you might be wanting to eat."

I listen to him cackling as I walk away smiling.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** 

The hard bottoms of my boots click on the steps to Mom's apartment as I walk up them. I always wear my boots. Like my long hair, they are a part of me. They are part of the image of myself I see; don't know what I'll do when they finally wear out. I'm afraid I can't get another pair like these anywhere.

Apartment number sixty-eight. I look at it and smile. Mom had said she had dodged a bullet with that.

I knock.

Mom is in sweat pants, socks, and a beige T-shirt when she opens the door. It's a look I know well. She looks like a comfortable piece of furniture. She smiles seeing it's me.

"Come on in. Don't look at the mess, I'm still unpacking." She steps around a stack of empty liquor boxes. I remember the dozens of trips to the liquor stores around us to get them. I see her handwritten descriptions of what the boxes contained. Some of the boxes are very familiar. I carried them, just under my nose, up the stairs.

"You've been saying that for weeks."

Mom laughs.

"And I probably will be for months to come. I have a lot of stuff to go through." 

We walk around unopened boxes and into the kitchen. All the cabinet doors are open and there are three open boxes labeled 'Kitchen' on the table. A black garbage bag full of bubble wrap and newspaper lies nearby.

She picks up a souvenir glass from one box and, shaking her head, puts it into a larger box on the floor. I remember the trip to Florida when it was bought. Jeff had gotten it for her.

I grab the kitchen stool from under the island and slide my butt onto it. I start taking out plates and handing them to her to inspect. About half go into the box at her feet.

"Mom."

She looks up from a box of silverware.

"Yeah hun?" Her eyelids lower. "Is something wrong?"

I shake my head. "Not so much wrong as I need to talk."

"Okay." She moves over to the island and hops up on top. The butcher-block top easily supports her. "What's up?"

I take a second to compose how I want to say this.

"I was at the park ... I got to talking with this guy there. He got me to thinking." I pause and look down at my hands.

"That's a good thing. Thinking a good thing." I look up at her. "Now what were you thinking about, that's got you in such a tizzy?"

I smile at her use of that word. Grandma used to say it all the time. Her mom ... she passed away when I turned twenty-two. Seems like yesterday we were at the funeral home.

"I was thinking about a girl." I tell her. She smiles.

"Of course you were, you're a guy. All guys think about is girls. Is this someone new?"

I shake my head.

"I was thinking about River."

Her eyebrows slowly rise a little.

"River?" She watches my face till I nod. "What about her?"

I notice then I'm turning a small cup in my hands. It's one I drank my morning milk from when I was five. The faded blue picture of a cartoon duck is just a ghost of what he once was.

"I think I'm in love with her ... No, I know I'm in love with her." I look up to my Mom and see a dozen emotions cross her face in the span of as many seconds. 

She gives a low sigh.

"Well. I don't know what to say. She's a great girl if a little young for you. You sure it's love? I still remember Mandy." She gives me a teasing grin.

Mom had walked in on me and a girl named Mandy when we were both in less than our full clothes. We had met in high school. Mom has teased me about her ever since then.

"The guy in the park showed me that. He was a strange fellow, but he got me to really thinking about how I feel." I put down the little cup. "Yeah ... it's love."

Mom hops down off the island and comes over to stand in front of me. She lifts my chin till I'm looking into her brown eyes. I see her eyes start to shine.

"Then you go after her with every thing in your heart!" Two tears slowly leave her eyes and run down her cheeks. "You tell her how you feel and make her know it every day. You love her as strong and as fiercely as you can."

Mom's arms come around me in a hard embrace.

"And for your sake I hope to god she loves you just as much," she says by my ear.

I hold on to my Mom as she cries. I feel more than a few tears leave my own eyes. After several minutes, she gives a sniffle and pats my back.

Mom looks at my tears and smiles. "I love you. I always will."

"I love you too, Mom. I don't want this to hurt you."

She starts to shake her head.

"I'm beyond pain. Nothing that happens with Jeff or his family can hurt me now. I'm going to get my house in order and my life as well. This is my new start." She wipes my face with her hand. "Now you go find yours. I'll be here." She laughs. "Probably still unpacking."

She gives me a second hug that almost hurts it's so hard. Then, wiping her face, she starts turning the kitchen upside down.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** 

The driveway is crowded with cars. Some are familiar. People I once called family.

I drive past and park down the street. Slowly I walk up to the big brick house.

Always loved this place.

I walk past the rock garden. None of the brightly painted gnomes seem to be watching me. Since the dog cane in the park, such things with eyes have made me uneasy.

As I walk past the cars, I start to hear laughter and splashing from around back. When I step around the corner, I see the pool is filled with River's friends and younger relatives.

I don't see River.

A few of them know me. I get hands waving and smiles.

From a few at least.

As I slide open the glass door into the kitchen, a short gray haired lady comes bustling out with her hands full of pitchers of ice and golden liquid. She passes me without seeing me for second then notices who I am. She smiles and sits down the lemonade.

"I didn't think you were coming," she says as she gives me a hug.

"I wouldn't miss it Granny," I tell her as I take comfort from her hug. It kind of takes me back into an older life.

She smiles up at me.

"Well, get you something to eat inside. This place is a mad house today. River is around here somewhere, I know she will be glad you came." She grabs back up the drinks and heads towards the pool.

Walking into the kitchen I slide the door shut behind me. The little table where I sat eating cereal the first time I was brought to this house is loaded with food. I don't want any of it.

My stomach is in knots.

I step through the dinning room going towards the living room. I stop and look at the dining table. A huge cake sits under a plastic cover in the middle.

I'm a little late it seems. Half of the cake is gone, cut away into slices. I can still make out River's face in airbrushed icing. I look at the smiling half that remains. Her eyes are just as beautiful in sugar as in real life.

Turning towards the living room a near naked body slams into me. Strong arms wrap my ribs in a tight embrace.




It's Complicated



Leaning down my head a little, I half bury my face in River's damp blonde hair. Her natural scent is hidden under chlorine from the pool. My arms settle around her, her skin cool under my fingers. I feel the ties of her bikini under my hands.

"I'm so glad you came," she says into my chest.

"Happy Birthday, River."

"Thank you." She smiles up at me.

I have to fight the urge to kiss her. It's almost more than I can stand. As she steps back from me, I reach into my pocket and pull out a small silver box. I hold it out to her.

"You didn't have to do that," she scolds me but smiles non-the-less.

"Open it later. It's private." I look up hearing footsteps coming towards us.

As Jeff steps into the room, I see his eyes go wide. It's the first time I've seen him since I helped Mom move out. He looks the same if a bit tired. New fiancée must be keeping him awake at night. I brush that thought out my head. Stepping forward without think about it too much I catch him in a hard hug.

"Hey, Dad."

I hear a catch of his breath by my ear. Slowly he hugs me back his hand digging into my shoulder.

"Hey. How you been?"

Stepping back I nod. Looking over at River, I see her eyes are alive with tears. I smile at her. She smiles back.

He looks at the cake.

"Well, you got here a little late, but we did leave you some cake."

"I'll get you a piece," says River moving towards the table.

"Not just yet. Maybe in a bit." I tell her holding out a hand to stop her. My eyes take in her beautiful body. The bikini isn't by any means tiny, but it still shows a lot of her. Just a little towards chubby she has all the curves to fill one out well. I smile when she looks back at me.

"You sure? Not even a little piece?" she asks almost pleadingly.

"In a bit I will, but not just yet." I turn toward Jeff. He's looking at me with an almost shamefaced expression. I know the question even before he asks it.

"How's your Mom?"

I let the tide of anger wash past me without letting it show on my face. "She's good. Getting settled in."

He nods.

"Well, I was headed out to go get some more soda and chips. I'll be back." He goes toward the kitchen.

"You're blocked in," I tell him reaching into my pocket. I shake my keys and toss them to him. "It's down at the bottom of the hill."

"Thanks." He watches me shrug. "Glad you came."

River looks at my face after her brother goes through the door.

"Are you alright?" she asks me softly.

"As right as I get these days. I ...." Someone calling her name interrupts me.

I see a young man walk into the room and River turns to him. He steps up and encircles her waist in a protective hug. He eyes me with a curiosity that is a touch hostile.

"Mike, I want you to meet ... well he was my nephew ... it's complicated." River turns to look at me. I hold out my hand towards Mike.

"Nice to meet you, Mike," I say as he takes my hand. His fingers are cold and clammy from the pool.

"Good to meet you." He dismisses me as soon as his hand leaves mine. "River ... Sandra and Lesley are wanting to know something I can't remember. They told me to go find you. Come on." He gives her a tug toward the kitchen.

"But ...." She look towards me again. I smile.

"Go on, I'll see you in a bit." I look up into Mike's eyes for a second. He looks back into mine for just a second then looks away.

I watch the curve of River's ass in the black cloth bikini as she walks away holding Mike's hand. My blood boils for several minutes.

Walking to the living room, I see all the older relatives are here. Several get up and come over to give me a hug. Several don't.

Jeff's fiancée pretends I don't exist long enough for her to get up and leave through the dining room.

I look up when the door to Jack's private study opens. While River's mom has always been Granny to me her dad has always been Jack. He smiles when he sees me and walks over to me. He holds out his hand and catches my shoulder when I take his.

"Glad you came. Hoped you would." He smiles at me. A teacher before he retired he has an easy way with people, but it always feels like he's about to deliver a lecture. He almost always speaks in polished sentences.

"Glad I came too," I lie to him. My mind is a bitterly rolling on thoughts I can't process. 

"Have you seen your Granny?" he asks me after a few second of silence by me.

"She was going out to the pool with Lemonade last I saw her," I tell him turning lose his hand.

"Well, if I hurry maybe I can get some of it before they drink it all up. Glad you're here." He turns and walks toward the dining room.

"Yeah, me too." I say it so softly only I can hear the bitterness in my tone. I turn away from the relatives I'm no longer related to and walk through the side door out onto the large screened in sun porch. The half dozen rocking chairs are as empty I feel right now. I walk past them to the door and look out towards the little hedge and all the dozens of bird feeders that line it. For a second, I want to escape through this door and sneak back to my car. But then remember I don't have my keys.

I look down at the large urn by the door that holds umbrellas and walking sticks.

I see the white head of a porcelain dog looking up at me.

With shaking hands, I touch it. Then, picking it up almost like I think it might bite, I pull it out the urn. I bring it up level to my face.

"That was my Dad's." I hear from behind me. I turn to see Granny standing a few feet away from me. "Wish you could have met him. He would have loved you." She gives a small laugh. "He had the most infuriating habit of asking two questions before you could answer one. Drove people crazy." She comes over and pats my arm. "Have you see Jack?'

"He's looking for you. I sent him towards the pool. He said something about getting him some of the lemonade." I smile at the fact they could be missing each other in a house with only one way from front to back.

"Well, I better go get him before he gets the one with the sugar. Where are you going?" she asks when I put my hand on the screen door latch.

"Was going to take a walk into the garden, it's crowded in here."

She looks around at the empty sun porch then back to me. I just give a shrug and step through the door.

I walk down the moss-covered stepping-stones into the little sloping garden. Build of terraced beds and gravel paths it winds its way down to a Koi pond. About half way down there is a wooden bench that I watched Jack and my dad build when I was just a teen. I sit down on it and look unseeing at the roses for many long minutes. I twiddle my fingers around the knobby wood cane and realize, at that moment, I'm holding the walking stick in my hand. I slowly turn the dog's head till it looks up at me.

"So what the hell do I do now?" I ask it softly. I will till my dying day swear it winked at me.

Hearing flip-flop sandals on gravel, I look up to see River coming down the winding pathway towards me. She has a blue shear wrap around her hips covering her bikini, but my eyes drink in her grace as she steps around the rose thorns that caught at my arm when I walked down. She stops right in front of me. I feel the cane turn in my fingers till the dog's head is looking at her. I set it to the side, leaning it against the roses.

She stands in front of me. I look up at those beautiful eyes.

"I got a lot of strange presents today from people. Some seem to think I'm still a child. Others that I'm someone else, things I would never in my life have a use for. But yours ..." She tilts her head a little. "A dinner invitation? And to this place." She holds up the reservation card I had in the box. At her look I nod. "This place costs a fortune. A meal there is a hundred dollars per person if not more."

"More," I tell her softly.

Her eyes seem to go deep into me then, looking at my face, seeing to the very heart of me.

"Why? Why would you want to take 'me' there? A dinner with your Aunt ..." She backs up a step as I stand up.

"Not a dinner," I tell her looking down into her face. "A date."

I watch her eyes as they run through a whole range of thoughts.

"A date with me? Your Auntie River?" she asks me with a half grin. I called her that to tease her years ago.

I shake my head. "Not my Aunt. With the most beautiful young woman I know."

"Me?" She gives me a rueful quirky smile. "Why?"

I look over to the dog-headed cane. I swear it's grinning at me. I look back at her.

"Because ...." I look into those beautiful blue eyes and seal my fate one way of the other. "Because I'm in love with you, River."

She looks at me. Just looks. 

Ever so slowly her hand comes up to take mine. Her fingers slip into mine and mine tighten around hers. She steps into me, her head going at my chest. I feel her start to cry.

"I'm in love with you too," she says to me in a whisper. Her face turns up to me her eyes awash with tears. "I have been for as long as I can remember. But our families? They ...."

My lips find hers I a rush. I pull her up into my arms as I kiss her. At first I feel her startled response, like a little bird caught in strange hands. Then she seems to melt against me. Her lips start to kiss me back with a passion I've never known.

Her body nearly naked in my arms is warm and soft. Her skin silk-like under my fingers. I feel hard muscle from her long days swimming in the pool. Her fingers caress the back of my head as my hands come to rest on her hips. The shear cloth of her bikini under my fingertips slides at my touch.

"Rive...!" I hear a loud call from the top of the hill. Looking up, I see Mike for a second then he is gone.

I look down at her face and see the shocked horror in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I tell her softly.

She swallows and shakes her head.

"He may have thought it was more, but to me he was just a friend. I never loved him." She looks up at my face again. I drown in her eyes. "I've never loved any of the boys I've dated. There was never any love left to give them. It's always belonged to you." She looks down at my chest for second. "What are we going to do about our families?"

"Follow our hearts." I tell her without thinking.

She chuckles.

"That was grandpa's favorite saying. Mom told he he would tell people to follow their heart, their head, and their nuts."

I look back at the cane.

"I know."

I kiss her again, softly. My lips gentle, her lips soft against mine. I hold her close in protective arms.

As we part from the second kiss, she looks up at my face.

"So which are you going to do?" she asks me grinning.

I smile down at her then kiss the tip of her nose.

"All three, my beautiful River," I tell her softly.

She laughs her eyes twinkling. "Let's see how dinner goes." 

Turning me loose, but not letting go of my hand, she starts to pull me up the hill. "Come on. You haven't had a piece of my birthday cake yet and I insist you do."

I follow her through the roses avoiding most of the thorns, but not all. At the top of the path, I remember the cane and look back.

I see the old man in his flat cap sitting on the wooden bench twiddling his cane. He's laughing at me. He flips a silver dollar coin into the air. I see it splash into the Koi pond with ripples that make the fish surface. He tips his flat cap to me ... then isn't there.

As River drags me into through the screen door I see the dog head cane is back in the urn by the door. It's turned to face me.

"River? Mike just stormed out of here. Is something wrong?" asks Granny from the doorway.

River looks up at my face.

"It's complicated," she says softly.

I nod in agreement.

*

(I would like to thank jaycox for his time in helping me get my older stories wrangled into some semblance of order. Thanks buddy. As always any mistakes you see now are all on my own head.) 



It's Complicated



After a year, and many fruitless attempts at writing a new story for Literotica, this little vignette popped into my head one day. I finished it in less than forty-eight hours. It's short and sweet and I hope that it will result in a happy ending for you. 

Thanks,

D. S. 

Legal disclaimer: All characters in this story are eighteen years or older. 

*

It was amazing, in some ways, how comfortable I felt in this house. A month ago this house, and my mother, were a mystery to me, and when I showed up on a lark one day, I wasn't sure of the reception I'd get. Like most things in life, it was complicated.

It was late at night, and I was lying on the couch basking in the blue glow of the TV screen. The hum of the air conditioner promised a respite from the heat, but the unit was so old and inadequate that it hardly kept up with the sultriness of that summer night. As a last resort, to try and escape the oppressiveness, I striped down to my boxers, abandoning modesty for the sake of comfort.

The show that I was watching wasn't exactly porn, since there was no actual fucking, but merely what my friends would call "hard R." Yet with all of its fake coitus, it was enough to give me a mild erection. I stroked my cock as it poked its head out of the front vent of my shorts. 

Just then I heard the sound of a car pull up in front of the house, and then the sound of voices as people shouted back and forth in the night. Soon afterward I heard the front door open, and saw my mom come into the foyer.

She turned on the hall light and stood there leaning on the door jam with her hand resting on a provocatively out-thrust hip. She looked disturbingly sexy in a little black dress and high heels. Those amazing shoes had thin little straps that secured around her ankles like manacles. Her hair, long and frosted, appeared to be slightly disheveled as if some one had been running their fingers through it. 

"You're still up honey?" She asked, and by the sound of her voice I could tell she was drunk. Not falling down drunk, but definitely intoxicated. 

"Yeah. I can sleep in tomorrow."

"That's nice," she said as she strutted towards the couch. I switched channels so that she wouldn't see the video sex, and grabbed a pillow to cover my lack of pants. 

As she approached I couldn't take my eyes off that dress. It was short, body hugging, and had a plunging neckline that showed a tremendous amount of cleavage.

"Who drove you home?"

"Lauren's mom." 

Lauren Hart was the daughter of one of my mom's friends. Over the last few weeks, I had been at their house numerous times to run errands while Mr. Hart was at work. People assumed that I was there for Lauren, but truth be told I was more interested in Mrs. Hart. 

Unlike her daughter, Mrs. Hart, Peggy, was a tremendous flirt, and when no one was around, she had no issue with me looking down her blouse or grabbing a little ass.

"So where did you go?" I asked. 

"All of us girls went down to Trieste." The establishment she was referring to was a trendy bar that catered to wealthy middle-aged singles. It was the kind of place where all of the patrons dressed to impress, while trying to relive their youth. 

"Did you meet anyone nice?"

"Nah, just a bunch of jerks," she said as she sat down next to me on the couch. "They were either not good looking enough, or not rich enough."

"But you let those jerks pay for all of your drinks, didn't you?" By the look of her hair, she let one jerk do more than pay for her drinks. 

"Of course. I don't pay for drinks Honey. They can pony up a few dollars for the pleasure of my company." How much pleasure did he get from your company, I was tempted to ask. 

She laid her hand on my naked chest and started to rub my pecks. "Aren't you cold without a shirt?" I could smell her perfume as my eyes glanced over her breasts, which by the way were in genuine danger of tumbling out of her dress. 

"Mom, its ninety degrees in here."

"I still would be cold laying here on the couch in just my panties." The thought of her lying there in a thong ran guiltily through my mind.

"Slide over," she said as she tossed away my modesty pillow, and lay down on the couch in front of me. Spooning like this was my mom's idea of affection. When she first started doing this I found it to be not only confusing but also troubling. If you don't think so, try having your erection nestled in the cheeks of your mother's ass. 

I got up on one elbow to shift my weight, and as I did I noticed that not only was she still wearing her strappy high heels, but also her dress had hiked enough to reveal most of her shapely legs. Legs apparently covered in thigh high stockings since I could see the telltale sign of black lace at the top of the nylon. 

"And give me the remote." She was a remote nazi, always having to control the TV. 

She quickly scanned up one channel, and right to the show that I had just switched off. We were now watching two naked females grinding up against each other. 

"So this was what you were watching. Porno."

"Hardly porno. It's only simulated sex." I saw no need in denying it. 

"Maybe so, but that's not simulated tits and ass." There was no tone of accusation in her voice. It was more of an observation. 

"Mom."

"Lesbians too. Do you like lesbians?"

"Mom!" I said with even more emphasis. 

"I just want to know what my son is into."

"Really?"

"I never understood why men liked watching lesbians, but I have to admit this is strangely erotic."

Strangely erotic? Really? Something was definitely off kilter. 

"They aren't very pretty, though. I'm prettier than them. Right Jake?" I felt her hand squeeze my thigh prompting me for an answer. 

"Yes mom. You are prettier than them." I wasn't just patronizing her; she actually was much prettier than either one of the two women who were on the TV pretending to enjoy fondling each other. I found that most of the women in these types of movies weren't very pretty or very smart. 

"They have nice bodies though," my mom continued on this disquieting subject. "Do you think they have nice bodies?"

The two women, who were only attired only in their panties, were as different as two women could be. The blond was curvy with big tits, and the brunette was more athletic with small though nicely shaped breasts. 

"They are both nice."

"I have a nicer body than both of them."

"I'm happy for you." 

"Do you think I have a nice body?"

"You're my mom."

"A mom with a nice body. What do you call that? A MILF?"

"Only if it is someone else's mom."

"A mother I'd like to fuck?" She ignored me, while giving me a seductive leer. 

She rolled over on her back and smiled at me, and then ran a finger up and down my bare chest. Even in the scant light she was a vision. I didn't know if she was kidding with me or not, but god help me yes, I did think that she was a mother I'd like to fuck.

"I'm only fucking with you," she said as we came to an impasse. "I am pretty though, aren't I?" 

"Yes mom, you're very pretty."

"A MILF?"

"Back on this?"

"Smile," she commanded me, and so I did. It was hard not to. 

"You are a grown man now, and so handsome. Did you know that?"

"Thank you."

"Peggy Hart keeps telling me how handsome you are. I think that one has designs on you." I didn't tell her that the last time I saw Mrs. Hart, she let me do more than mow her lawn. 

"Well, I am very handsome."

"Give momma a kiss, handsome."

I bent down to give her a kiss on the forehead, but she took my head in her hands and guided me down to her lips. I tried to give her a perfunctory kiss, but she held me there and gave me a slow, soft kiss. Again, I tried to get up, but she held me tantalizingly close. 

"I've been told that I have nice, soft lips. Do I have nice, soft lips?" I could smell the alcohol on her breath, but it was mixed with her perfume and the smell of her hair. 

"I'm not sure." I really hadn't noticed. My mind had been occupied by the fact that apparently my mom wanted to make out with me. 

"You better try again." She urged my head down, but I didn't need much urging. Her lips were very soft, and full. I had never felt such soft, full lips. This time I didn't pull away, but kissed her more, and our kiss went from awkward to open-mouthed and lustful. 

I rested on my forearms on either side of her as our chests heaved against each other. She then put her arms around me and pulled me on top of her. I was between my mother's legs hiking her dress up way past her thighs as I slid between them. 

You have to remember that I was dressed in only my boxers. Even with a mild boner my cock was escaping out of the trap door of my shorts. Now I had a full hard on, and my cock was not only free, but also grinding against my mother's panties. 

"Are they?" My mother asked breaking me out of my lustful spell. 

"Soft? Yes, very soft."

"Kissingly soft?"

"Yes," I said and she pulled me down to kiss her again. 

I couldn't help it. I didn't want to help it, but as I kissed her I started to grind my cock against her. She broke our kiss to let out a soft, low moan that raised the hair on the back of my neck. 

"I bet you are wishing I went commando tonight, don't you?" She asked as she brought her knees up to chest level. "But I guess that wouldn't be appropriate. Though it's nice to tease, isn't it?"

"What?" I asked as I ground my cock deep into her. 

"Sometimes it's fun to tease. It's such sweet torture." She ground her pussy into me. 

"I'm not teasing, mom."

"I'll bet you aren't," she gasped as she let out another moan and arched her back. 

Emboldened I slipped the straps of her dress off her shoulders, and then pulled it off her chest. She wasn't wearing a bra so her tits popped out quite nicely. They were absolutely sensational. 

She started to breath hard, looked down at her tits, and then at me as I bent down and took them, one by one, into my mouth. My tongue toyed with each delicate pink nipple.

"Oh Jakey!" She sighed breathily. 

She pulled my head up after a few minutes and kissed me hard. Her tongue slid deep into my mouth. I rammed my naked cock hard into her panties. The fact that they were still on was the only reason we weren't fucking. 

"I'm not the first man you've kissed tonight, am I?" I questioned her as I stroked one of her nipples with the side of my thumb. 

"No, but definitely the cutest, and the only one I let get this far." Somehow that got me hornier. 

"I want to go farther."

"That's not a good idea."

"You started it."

"Why? It's only a little kissing and dry humping."

"You're a tease." 

"Hah," she laughed mockingly. "But you love it."

"I'd love to do a little more."

"Yeah? What would you like to do to momma?"

"I want to fuck you."

"See that's the big tease. You want me, but I'm your mother, and your conscience tells you that you can't put that big, hard cock into your mother. Or can you?"

"Just watch me."

"No. You watch me," she said and rolled out from underneath me. I growled out my frustration. "You sound like a big old bear. Don't worry, I won't leave you like this." She stood up, unzipped her dress, and with a shrug, let it fall to the floor. She was now standing within inches of me in only a pair of the tiniest black panties, thigh high stockings, and heels. 

She then sat on the floor by the side of the couch, took my cock in her hand, and started to stroke me. I slid partly on my side so that I could leer at her. 

"That better?"

"Yes."

"You like looking at me, don't ya?"

"Yes."

"I think that a woman in stockings and panties is sexier than a naked woman. Not to mention heels. Do you like when I wear high heels? "

"Yes." I watched her tits lightly bob while she delicately ran her hand up and down the shaft of my cock. 

"You see? It's the tease."

"Mmm hmmm." I said as I started to get closer. 

"I like teasing you. Do you like when I tease you?" With that she bent down, pursed her lips and blew lightly on the head of my cock. 

"Mom stop."

"Why you don't like when I tease you?" And again she blew on the tip of my dick. 

"Yes I do, but stop teasing me."

"What?"

"Suck my cock mom."

"Is that what you want." She smiled a devious smile, while her lips were just millimeters away from my aching cock.

"Please mom. Put it in you mouth." 

"Oh okay," she said and smiled again. "I guess I've teased you enough." She got up on her knees, bent over, and took me between her lips. I watched her head plunge down on my cock for a few minutes before I came. The ecstasy was incredible as I tried to fuck her face as deep as I could. 

She slipped back onto the couch, and I fell asleep with her in my arms. At four O'clock I awoke to find she had gone. 

I went upstairs, and as I passed her room I noticed that she had dumped her dress and shoes unceremoniously on the floor. I could hear her light breathing as I went down the hall to my own room. Later, I regretted not crawling into bed with her, and finishing what she had started. 

I awoke the next day, and found that she had already left for work. In the week that followed little was mentioned about what happened that night. 

The End.

Author's note - I could add to this story. It all depends on the feedback I get, and how the muse hits me. 

D. S. 



It's Complicated



She dropped the last of the chairs onto the stack at the side of the chapel. "Well, that's it till next time."

"Thanks Lynn. I can't tell you how much I've appreciated your involvement and support in getting these shows off the ground."

Alan reached out to give Lynn a hug as they finished the pub night clean up. She hesitated for a moment, holding eye contact, before turning her head again to accept a parting kiss on the cheek.

The kiss was brief and chaste as usual. Instead of parting immediately though, they continued to hold each other, moving back just enough to make eye contact again.

"Thanks for dancing with me last night."

"You too. It was fun."

Lynn absentmindedly flipped her thumbs on Alan's back. They continued their gaze, his look a little questioning now.

"Lynn."

"Yes?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Wondering what you're thinking."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"Kiss me."

"I think not."

"Why not?"

"We shouldn't."

"I think I've heard that."

"Good." She smiled.

"Kiss me."

"I don't think that would be a good idea."

"I think it's a great idea. 

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"It's complicated."

"I know. Kiss me."

"I don't want to kiss you."

"Is that true?"

"Sort of. No. It's complicated."

"So you said."

"We're both in relationships. It wouldn't be fair."

"To whom? Is the status quo fair?"

Lynn looked away.

"I know you want to be more free to choose. I know you hate labels and social restrictions. I know you are a potent, energetic soul. I know you want more. Take more. You are worthy. Kiss me."

She looked back questioningly. "What would it mean?"

"Nothing and everything. Friends. Lovers. Allies. It will only ever mean what you want it to mean. Don't be afraid. Please, especially, don't be afraid of me. Don't be afraid for me. I already pay a price every day."

Standing, silently questioning. Hearts probing through the eyes. Lynn's fingers clench slightly, slowly digging into his waist. Lifting her chin she leans forward. Alan meets her halfway and she places a soft, sweet kiss on Alan's lips. She lingers, shifting gently, sharing breath and affection.

Lynn leans back. "How was that?" Her eyes are shining, challenging.

"Exquisite," he grins. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"Shut up." She leans in for a second kiss.

Hands start to roam. Alan's right slips into Lynn's silky hair, massaging her scalp, holding the kiss. His left encircles her waist, pressing them belly to belly. Her hands clutch and dig into his shoulders and back.

Their kiss lengthens. More is shared. Soft inner lips touch, tongues greet. Teeth nip and lips caress offered flesh. Gripping Lynn's sleek hair in his hand, Alan tilts her head back, exposing her beautiful neck. He kisses her cheek, her jaw, her throat, her collar bone. 

With his lips and tongue, Alan shows her all the passion he is feeling for her right now: "You are the most beautiful, the most powerful, the most desirable person alive right now." The growing flush in her face and neck beautifully display her own passion. To desire and be desired is a beautiful thing.

As their lips connect again, Lynn's hands clutch and massage Alan's behind and back, teasing and tormenting. His hands mirror hers, delighting in the arch of her back and the swell of her hips and bum. Four lips slip and suck and consume each other as bodies press tightly: tectonic plates triggering small tremors as they rub against each other.. 

Alan parts Lynn's thighs with his own and she begins to grind her mound against the muscle and bone of his leg, building the heat between her legs.

Holding Lynn's hair again, Alan renews his caressing dance upon her throat and jaw and neck. His other hand rises to her breast and cups it firmly, massaging, squeezing, pinching. Hard and gentle—changing, reacting to Lynn's moans and clutching hands.

Without breaking their kiss, Alan slowly guides Lynn the two steps back to the wall by the leaded glass window. She revels in his body pressing her to the wall. She feels powerful and irresistible. 

He slowly slides down Lynn's body, kissing every part of her as he sinks to his knees at her feet. He presses his face into her belly and runs his hands along her waist and ribs and breasts—caressing, massaging, inflaming. His chest is pressed against her pubic bone as he kisses her belly, and she presses back, hard against him, rubbing. Her hands are tangled in his hair pressing his face deeper into her belly.

"Kiss me. Lick me." She pushes Alan's head down. 

Alan drops his hands from Lynn's breasts to the top of her jeans where she is wrestling with the button. She pops the button and wrenches the fly open and Alan yanks her jeans over her hips and down to her ankles, taking her lace panties with them. Stepping out of her puddled clothes, she spreads her feet and touches his cheek.

"Do it."

Alan grasps Lynn's hips and parts her lips with his nose, sliding up between them and following with his tongue as he raises his head. God, she smells beautiful, he thought. She pulls his hair, guiding him back in.

Hands drifting to Lynn's thighs, Alan caresses the outer lips of her vulva with his tongue, digging a little deeper with each pass until he is stroking both inner and outer lips on each pass, her swelling lips closing behind his flattened tongue as he passes.

Leaning back into the wall, Lynn steps a little wider and she opens more fully, exposing her inner lips and clitoral hood to Alan's eyes, not just his tongue. He presses deeper, kissing and sucking her inner lips and gently licking her clitoris. Each time he passes, he changes his trajectory or presses harder.

Kissing and licking and sucking all he can reach, Alan slips his middle finger slowly into her vagina and begins to swirl it gently around. Caught by surprise, Lynn yanks him by the hair into her groin and her knees start shaking.

Aware that Lynn is rising fast to orgasm, Alan starts to fuck her with his middle finger while sucking on her clitoris, adding internal friction to the mix. And then two fingers, filling her more. 

Pressing hard on her g-spot as he strokes his fingers in and out, he slips his other hand under Lynn's shirt, squeezing her breast through her bra.

With a growl, Lynn yanks her shirt over her head and pulls her bra down to expose her breasts to Alan's hand. She puts one hand back in his hair and grasps the breast that he isn't with the other.

Alan is licking and humming into her inner lips and clitoris. He switches from stroking in and out, to curling and un-curling his fingers in a "come hither" motion sending waves crashing from her vagina to her breasts and face and throughout her body.

Continuing to suck and tease her lips and clitoris, Alan added a third finger to the stroking and curling inside and pinched her nipple hard. Lynn cries out, her vagina pulsing and clenching Alan's hand. Her shaking knees let go and trembling consumes her entire body, dampened with ecstatic sweat.

Alan catches her and lays back, gathering Lynn to his chest, so she won't have to lay on the wooden floor. 

Lynn nuzzles into Alan's chest and neck, tucking her arms in, in an invitation to be held. Alan holds her close, stroking her hair and back, unclasping her bra, and wondering if he could reach one of the tablecloths to throw over them so Lynn doesn't get cold. Too far to reach. Oh well, it's pretty warm in here anyway.

They lie cuddled like that, just listening to each other breathe, for five or ten minutes. The hardness of the floor, starts to irritate Alan's back and he shifts slightly. Lynn discards her loose bra and snuggles in again, saying, "I think maybe we should move before we injure you permanently."

"I'm ok."

"I'm not sure I believe you, but we'll go with it for a few more minutes. Thanks for the 'kiss'." Alan could hear the smile in her voice.

"Anytime, friend and ally."

Lynn lifted her body a bit and undid the top button of Alan's shirt, planting a kiss at the base of his throat.

"Mmm. I like that. I like the kiss and I like the view. Are you warm enough?," he queried.

"I'm good, but maybe you're a little overheated?" Lynn smiled, undoing the next button.

"You know, I think I might be. Do you have any ideas?"

Two more buttons released. "I might." Lynn slipped the last button and his shirt fell open.

She slides her hands up Alan's chest combing through his salt and pepper hair on the way to his shoulders and leans in to kiss his neck. Slipping her hands back down to his chest, Lynn leans in to kiss Alan's nipple and then flick her tongue across it before repeating the sequence on the other side.

Alan jumps a little and turns his head to the side. 

Lynn smiles. "Am I bothering you?"

"Yes. But I like it."

Lynn returns to kissing Alan's chest and licking and sucking his nipples. Alan strokes her back and hair and sides and breasts.

"You know Alan, there seems to be something hard pressing against my stomach. Do you mind if I check it out?"

Alan laughs and tweaks her nipple. "Go ahead. I have my suspicions."

Lynn lets her hands run down Alan's chest to his waistband as she comes up to a kneeling position over him. Lynn's vulva is pressing warmly and wetly against his thigh again as she unbuttons his jeans.

Unzipping his fly, Lynn peels back Alan's jeans like a banana skin. His erect penis is already peeking out above the waistband of his black trunks. Lynn lifts her head and smiles at Alan.

Kneeling up, Lynn starts to wrestle Alan's jeans down. Alan lifts his hips to make it easier. 

"Wait," he says. "Let me put down a few tablecloths so nobody gets a splinter in this old floor." Lynn swings her leg from over Alan's leg and he jumps up to grab a few tablecloths.

Alan spreads all seven of them out in a stack to make a slightly more comfortable space for love-making. At least it would be splinter free. He quickly strips the last of his clothes off and is about to lay down again, when Lynn stops him.

"Just stand there on the tablecloth. You look good enough to eat."

"I hope so, you certainly were."

Lynn steps close, her belly pressing his erection back to his own stomach. Grasping his hair, she holds his head back while she kisses and bites his cheek, his jaw, his throat, his shoulder, his nipples. Releasing his hair, she runs her hands down his chest to his stomach, following them with her lips kissing and biting him as she lowers herself to her knees.

Looking briefly up up at him with a smile, she doesn't touch his penis or testicles even though he is shaking with desire. Instead, she slowly and gently kisses his pelvic bone just to the left of his erection and then down the inside of his thigh, his knee, his ankle. Changing direction, her hands slide up the outside of his legs to his hips and she kisses the pelvic bone on either side of his penis without touching where he desperately wanted her too.

Blowing gently across his erect penis, Lynn rests one hand on his hip and brings the other up between his legs to stroke his testicles. She leans a little closer and licks his shaft from base to tip, causing him to shudder. 

She does it again. 

And again.

Taking the entire head of his circumcised penis in her mouth, Lynn swirls her tongue around the tip and under the glans. She feels it swell in appreciation. 

She continues the swirling around the shaft and starts to suck a little as well—slowly moving his penis in and out of her mouth. Each time she takes him back in, she pushes a little deeper. As she touches the head to the back of her throat, she switches from sucking to swallowing in hopes of resisting gagging. As she does this, Alan moans and twitches. 

Lynn backed off to breath and then took him to the back of her throat again, repeating the swallowing action. 

"Oh my god, Lynn. You are amazing."

Alan is involuntarily rocking into her now and Lynn uses her hand on his hip to control the speed and depth, but continues her own movements. 

Soon, sensing he was likely to come, Lynn backs off and gently kisses the head and squeezes the shaft with her hand, cooling him down a little.

Sucking Alan was making Lynn aroused and squirmy again and she was feeling a need for some touching of her own. "Lay down, Alan."

Straddling his face, as he lay on the tablecloths, she lowered her vulva to his waiting lips and hands. Placing her hands on Alan's hips, she lowered her own lips to Alan's rigid penis.

As Lynn masturbated Alan with her hands and licked and sucked with her mouth, Alan got reacquainted with Lynn's juicy vulva. She had got quite hot again while sucking Alan and her lips were already quite swollen. 

Sucking and french-kissing Lynn's vulva, Alan pushed his tongue as deeply into her as he could. His hands reached around and stroked her behind and spread her cheeks and lips, exposing her more fully to his lips and tongue and eyes.

As his lips inflamed and teased her, Alan's nose tickled at Lynn's perenium and his fingers traced the crack from her lower back to her anus. Wetting a finger with saliva, Alan began to gently tease her anus as he sucked her clitoris. Lynn reacted strongly, pushing back and squirming against his face and fingers and driving his phallus deeply into her throat for a moment.

Coughing and coming up for air, Lynn rolls off and faces Alan, saying huskily, "Oh fuck yes. Oh god. I want you inside me. Now."

"Fuck. I want to. But I can't. I never thought this would happen. I don't have a condom."

"Shut up. Don't care. Fuck me."

"You say that now. Do we stop and talk risks and sexual history now? Or finish with some mutual masturbation and kissing?" 

"You know it all anyway."

"Probably, but we haven't really talked clearly about it."

"Fine. You killed the mood anyway. Jerk. You sure you won't just slip on in? We've already shared a few fluids."

"How about we sit facing and side by side and masturbate each other while we talk?"

Sidling up and pressing his hip to Lynn's, Alan slips two fingers into her steaming vagina and slowly rocks them in ant out.

"Oh. Yes."

"Your fertility is kinda thrilling," Alan said. "but I had a vasectomy that has proven successful over 14 years. So pregnancy is a non-issue."

"Mmm. Good. Don't need another baby." Lynn closed her hand around Alan's shaft and began to stroke, using some saliva as lubricant.

"Although Deb and I aren't monogamous, we happen to have been exclusive for more than ten years". Alan flicked his thumb gently over Lynn's clitoris as his fingers went deep.

"Sandy and me have been exclusive for eight. We're both healthy as you know." Lynn, leaned over and bit Alan's shoulder while she stroked his shaft. "Satisfied? Can I please get this inside me now?"

"As you wish." Alan stroked Lynn's g-spot very firmly on the next stroke, using his thumb on her clitoris as leverage and catching her as she arches back onto the tablecloths.

Hand caught in her hair, he fastens his mouth onto hers and kisses her hard. Teasing her lips with his tongue he invites her tongue to come out and play with his. Tongues and lips dance while hands masturbate each other. Their moans become a kind of throat-singing between them as their lips remain in contact.

Alan finally breaks the kiss and lowers his head to Lynn's breasts, sucking in the nipples and as much of her beautiful flesh as he can, flicking her nipple with his tongue.

Lynn bucks against his face and hand and struggles to keep masturbating his cock. She pulls gently on his penis, "Fuck me. Now."

Alan rises over Lynn as she spreads her legs to accommodate him. Placing the head of his penis at the entrance to her vagina, he smiles at her and waits. She raises her hips trying to push him in, but he is able to maintain his position. The hunger in Lynn was acute now and she starts to plead.

"Is there something you want?" Alan grins.

Lynn reaches forward with both hands and digs her fingernails into his behind. Alan lunges forward and falls right into Lynn's arms and vagina. They both groan.

"That feels wonderful."

"You feel wonderful."

Alan rises up from Lynn's chest and onto his elbows and kisses her. Holding the kiss, he slowly withdraws until he rests at the entrance to her vagina again. 

And then. Slowly. Slides back in. He repeats this for a minute or so before Lynn's fingernails and hips tell Alan to pick up the pace.

He obliges and starts to thrust in earnest now. Still coming almost all the way out before plunging all the way in again, but a bit faster and with more force. Supporting himself on his elbows and kissing Lynn, Alan swung his hands onto her chest and massage her breasts from the outside in to her nipples in a pinching motion. As their thrusting gets wilder and the kissing turned hard, he pinches Lynn's nipples hard.

Lynn gives a little cry at the end of every thrust now. The smack of flesh on flesh is beautifully rhythmic. The pain in her nipples timed with the impact of each thrust is exquisite. There is nothing else in the world.

Sliding her hands over and around Alan's back and ass, she tells him her passion through caressing hands and stabbing nails. Remembering how inflamed she got when he touched her anus, she gathers some lubricant from between them and slides one hand into the crack of his ass.

Alan's sudden reaction causes him to pound hard into her and pinch her nipples harder than anything yet, his face falling to her throat and sucking. She gently probes further and he starts to lose control.

The sensation of having his anus penetrated while his penis is gripped by the velvet glove of Lynn's vagina is more than Alan

can handle. He knows he will come any moment. He drops his left hand from Lynn's chest and slips it between them, pressing hard and stroking her clitoris as they buck wildly against each other. The additional pressure on her clitoris, causes Lynn to clench and shudder almost immediately, her vagina clamping and pulsing on Alan's shaft. Alan's orgasm comes too, and he showers Lynn's deepest places with his semen. 

They move slowly again, rocking and stroking, enjoying the little aftershocks of almost too much stimulation. Soon, they simply lay pressed together, holding, cuddling.

Slowly, Alan's penis shrinks and starts to slip from Lynn's softening vagina. Alan lifts himself from Lynn's body and kisses her on the nose, then cheek and jaw and throat and collarbone. As Lynn continues to lie smiling, almost purring, he continues to kiss his way down her body: breasts, ribs, belly, belly-button, mons. An open, but very gentle kiss on the still gaping lips of her vulva and then on to her inner thigh, knee, calf and ankle. When he is done, he curls up beside Lynn, draping a hand across her belly and a leg across her hips, nuzzling her neck with his lips.

"This is the kind of morning after the night before that I could get to like. Friends?" Alan asks.

"Mmm. Friends. But it's still complicated," Lynn smiles.

"Beautifully complicated."