135 comments/ 120521 views/ 51 favorites Gabriella Ch. 01 By: soular So here's the new story. I really hope you enjoy but I do want to issue a small warning that it is very different from my last two stories. But, hope you like and thanks for reading! Simon Simon was in hell. No other word to describe the situation he had willingly walked into. It was Tuesday and he had just finished his second to last class. He had a thirty minute break and knew she would come to him. He leaned back in his chair counting down the minutes until her class wrapped. She had Felderman now. Bastard was a stickler for time and always kept his students the full amount of class period. This would be the third time this week he cheated on his wife with Gabriella. Third fucking time, and for the life of him he hadn't been able to figure out how their affair had lasted almost a year. When he married Patricia, he had never expected this. Never wanted this. Ever. He patiently waited all these years just to have her and now that she officially held his last name, he was fucking it up. He truly loved his wife, and he always thought with such strong feelings, he could never stray. But he had. Again and again and again... He stared at the clock on his wall. One minute to go. Every morning he told himself that he needed to break this off with her. And by night, he failed. He wiped a hand through his short brown hair. Hair that just this morning, he had found the first gray strand. The first strand in his thirty-seven year old head he had ever seen. He stared down at it, knowing it had to be a mistake. He twirled it between his fingers when it hit him. This was no fluke. This gray string of hair had surely come about because of this insane frat boy fantasy he was living out with Gabriella. "Maybe tomorrow," he heard her say through his door. It was crazy how attuned he was to every sound she made. Whether it was her laugh, her cry, her moan...every noise. His skin felt tight when he could hear the deep boom of a male voice replying back to her. He knew he had no right to ever be jealous, but he still couldn't keep his mind from shutting out those feelings of protectiveness. Possession. His heart began pounding as he watched the door knob twist and she stepped through. His eyes took in her outfit...tight and short as always, forming to every gracious curve on her body. Her raven hair was down today, hanging heavy over her shoulders. Her warm chocolate skin gleaming to perfection. She popped her gum bringing him out of his observation. His eyes scanned up to hers. "Hey," she said. He didn't reply. His head was hurting but his dick was throbbing. His mind drifted back to August 8th, 1993, the day of his accident. As a lover of all things fast, Simon had become obsessed with motorcycles. That day he had been flying like a bat out of hell, just trying to rid himself of life's frustrations. Typical hot-headed twenty-one year old who still believed he was invincible. The wind pushing against his body as he continued forward made him feel a sense of accomplishment. But like many lessons in life, he had to learn the hard way. He rounded a corner through the narrow country roads in eastern North Carolina. A corner he had passed hundreds of times. Except this time, a large log lay across the dark pavement. He had no time to make a decision, only to realize what was going to happen as he slammed into it. That was what his life had been like since his affair had begun with Gabriella, except this time he could see a mile down the road, but he wasn't doing anything to slow down. He knew by continuing on this insane path with her, he was destined to slam into the log...no, fuck that, brick wall to be more precise, but he couldn't slam on the brakes. At least with his accident years before, he walked away with only three broken bones and a bruised ego. Now, he had much more to lose. The affair had been off and on almost a year now and it turned his stomach to think how he was hurting Patricia. Not that she knew. Her greatest flaw was that she was too trusting. She always had been, even years ago when he had first fallen in love with her. She had been two grades ahead of him in college, when they met at his freshman orientation. The most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Absolutely stunning with smooth chocolate skin and large hazel eyes that welcomed the world in when she smiled. But regardless of her beauty, she was more of a bookworm, which only fascinated him even more. Back then, his only obstacle had been Rodney fucking Foster, Patricia's long time boyfriend. He was the star basketball player and all around idiot. He was a nice guy, but he constantly cheated on her and kept Simon from ever having a chance with her. But now, Patricia was all his and had been for three years. Three happily married years. Well, almost happily had it not been for Gabriella. She popped her gum again, the sound irritating and turning him on all at once. He hated himself in that moment. He hated himself for being a terrible husband and an even lower human being. And he hated himself even more because he knew what he was about to do with her and neither one was going to stop him. ********** Gabriella "Goddamn it, Gabriella," she heard him grunt over her. She loved it when he called her that. He was the only one who said her full name, insisting that it was the name her mother had given her, there for was more beautiful than Ella, which is how everyone else referred to her. Gabriella would roll off his tongue whenever his emotions were heightened. Gabriella...stop pissing me off. Gabriella...fuck, baby, I'm about to come. That seemed to be the cycle of their relationship. There was rarely an in between. She was either pissing Simon off or turning him on. And at the moment, it was the latter. Her breasts were smashed against his desk, her shorts and panties dangling around one ankle as he fucked her from behind. His hand gripped tightly around her bra strap while the other gripped her waist as he slammed into her over and over again. She knew he only had a few more minutes before they had to be in class, but that was just the nature of their relationship. Stealing moments here and there. Ella closed her eyes, feeling herself reaching the edge of reason before everything floated away and her body burst into flames. The sounds of their flesh slapping against one another flowed through the air, giving this stolen moment an even dirtier feel. One she knew he enjoyed yet felt guilty about. Funny how her relationship with Simon evolved from absolute contempt and loathing to one where she only felt happy when he was alone with her. When she didn't have to share him with the rest of the world. She glanced at the photo on his desk of the happily married couple smiling and hugging. Ella tried to block out the pang of guilt sitting in her stomach. She knew she could ruin his perfect set up if anyone ever found out about them, and that was the last thing Simon wanted. "Shit," he whispered, quickening his pace. She slammed her eyes shut, trying to block out the image of his other life while her stomach fluttered. She could feel the tingling sensation moving up her legs to her arms and her head. Her eyes rolled back as her body stiffened. "Oh, ooh, Simon," she cooed, knowing she couldn't raise her voice. His office walls were paper thin and any louder and it would be unmistakable what was going on behind his door. Her legs wobbled as an orgasm ripped through her body. She could barely take it, as she lay her head down on his desk while he prepared for his own release. She stared up at the PhD in history from Dartmouth University that was neatly hung on his wall. She knew he had worked his ass off for that. In the beginning of their 'relationship' he had told her that problems in his childhood back in New York, forced him to work extremely hard at school. Although he owed God knows how much in loans, he had accomplished his goals. Ella never told him, but she was proud of him. He was smart, funny and devilishly handsome with a wild streak that only she could bring out. He was definitely a combination she had yet to find in any guys her age. And he was the most amazing lover. Better than anyone she had ever been with, and she was no virgin, that's for damn sure. At just nineteen years old, she had already been with more men that she cared to remember. Her first sexual tryst had occurred when she was just fourteen years old. Ella hadn't really wanted to have sex, but the way her friends talked about virginity, it was this thing you were supposed to give away quickly before you got stuck with it...like a bad habit or pesky nerd crushing on you. So, she let this stoner named Carl deflower her on a sofa in the backroom during a house party. He grunted and sweated over her for four minutes until he shuddered. It hurt a little, but definitely didn't feel life altering like she had hoped. So, she tried out another guy a few weeks later, who just so happened to be Carl's cousin, unbeknownst to her and there it was...her reputation for being a slut began. "Easy Ella," was chanted by some of the more immature males in her grade. And very true to high school politics, Ella lost her 'good' girl friends over her new found fame. Those girls, who she considered her friends, now thought she was too trashy to be invited to their birthday parties and lunch table. But the 'other' girls who she would have turned her nose up at, embraced her, sex and rumors being their common bond. They were the girls who had slept around, some pregnant and some that smoked and drank in between classes. Dropped E or acid before parties and wore the most revealing clothes that they could get away with in high school. The bad girls. So, Ella felt compelled to fit in with her new group of friends, and accept her new lifestyle. And the boys, they were always around, whether she wanted it or not. It's as if they had radar for any pussy they thought would come without a hassle. But none of them mattered. None of them made her come alive like Simon did. Made her melt with his touch, his look, his smile. Simon... She knew their relationship could have no real happy ending, but until that moment came, she wanted to spend every moment with him, no matter how much he pissed her off and drove her crazy. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he whispered, stilling within her, filling the condom with his pearly liquid. Even though she had told him a hundred times she was on the pill, he refused to release himself within her. He said he wanted to be sure and in some weird twisted way, he felt that was entering a new level of infidelity if he did that. So it was only in her dreams at night that he came inside her, the thought alone making her wet. He leaned against her back for a moment before he pulled out. "Shit, we're late." He handed her tissue as he removed the sticky rubber to deposit it in the trashcan. She watched him, knowing it was coming. That look. That fucking look that she despised. It made her stomach turn and her skin crawl. The look of guilt that flashed in his eyes after he came down from his sexual high. She had seen it more times than she could count and each time it made her feel like shit. She quickly cleaned herself and pulled up her panties and shirt. "Maybe I could go to class like this," she teased, with only a bra to cover her tits. "No shirt, hell, I might start a new trend." Her smile faded when she heard him sigh. He looked at her. There it was. "Come on, we have to go," he said, adjusting his pants and smoothing his dark brown hair. Ella jerked down her shirt and picked up her backpack on her way to the door. She tried to open it when he closed it back, with a hand above her head. "Don't even think about bailing on my class, Gabriella." She rolled her eyes and waited for him to remove his hand. She knew she was going to go, but nothing wrong with making him think opposite. ********** Patricia "Patricia, are you okay?" she heard Myra ask. "Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking," Patricia answered back. She was thinking of turning forty in two days. She didn't feel old and when she looked in the mirror she didn't look old, but just those numbers creeping up on her were secretly freaking her out. Forty. Thirty-nine sounded better. Simon was only thirty-seven and that seemed like a ten year age gap to her, opposed to the two and a half years they were separated by. She remembered her husband back in college. He always had a cool calmness about him, perhaps because he was the outsider from New York in a small southern town. Simon was a few grades under her, but he stood out among the crowd with his good looks and charm. He would always tease her about her accent or tell her a joke, usually brightening her day. Patricia was never one to be overly confident, so she believed his friendly nature to be just how he was with everyone. But when she ran into him over four years ago, she felt an immediate connection with him. Their love affair happened much quicker than she had anticipated. One minute they were making out on his couch the next they were getting married. Three beautiful years of marriage bliss. Sure, they had their ups and downs due to certain complications, but he always tried. Most men she knew didn't believe in compromise and just thought their wives were nagging. Patricia never wanted to be that way and Simon never treated her like that. They rarely ever argued. Usually, one of them would see eye to eye with the other or they would agree to disagree and get over it. Everything about him seemed too good to be true. He was even patient during sex. There were times when she just wasn't in the mood, and he would understand. Instead of making her feel bad, he'd cuddle with her all night and whisper loving things into her ear as she fell asleep. Even though she knew Simon loved her regardless of her age, her birthday was bothering her more than she had thought. "What did you feel like when you turned forty?" she asked Myra. "Ah, that's what's bothering you. Please it's just another number. But I curled up on my couch, watched Under the Tuscan Sun and drank an entire bottle of Pinot Grigio while crying." "Gee, thanks." Myra laughed. "But that's because I was divorced and the closest relationship I had was to my two dogs. You have a daughter and, well, you have him too," she said, her mouth turning up at the mention of him. Patricia couldn't understand why Myra didn't like Simon even though everyone else did. He was charming and friendly. Myra never said why, she just thought there was something about him that she couldn't put her finger on, but didn't vibe with. Patricia didn't push it further. She vibed with Simon and that was all that mattered to her. ********** Simon Simon closed his eyes, still being able to taste the cinnamon gum that Gabriella was always chewing. It burned his tongue but he could never resist it. "Professor Graham, are you okay?" someone yelled from the back of the lecture room ask. He looked up and realized he had stopped in the middle of his slideshow. His eyes shifted to Gabriella's soft brown ones before he quickly looked away. But it was too late. He had already caught sight of her toned smooth thighs that were on display. Thighs he had been between numerous times. "Yeah, sorry. Um, I'm going to let class out a little early today. But grab the homework packet on the Byzantine Empire from my desk before you leave," he got out before the rustling of backpacks and papers drowned out his voice. "It's a lot of work, so make sure to partner up so you can get through it faster and it's due next class period," he shouted, hoping the kids who had already walked out had heard. He began to slowly wrap up the projector cord as the kids piled out. Now only two left, Cory and Gabriella. Cory was always the last to leave, usually because he wanted to discuss something with him about his lecture. Simon would pretend to be interested as Cory droned on and on, all the while, Simon was thinking about Gabriella. "So, Professor Graham, are you going to have the power point online so we can view?" He pushed his glasses up. "Yeah Cory, I'll have it up by tonight." "Sweet! Thanks Professor Graham." He quickly walked out, no doubt trying to rush back to his dorm to finish a game of World of Warcraft. Simon was still wrapping the electric cord between his hand and under his elbow when Gabriella came to stand in front of him. He looked at her. "Do you need a ride?" he asked. "No. I'm have one." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "Okay." He finished wrapping the cord and set it underneath the cart. Fuck. "With whom?" He tried to ask in a nonchalant manner, but it didn't work. "Just a friend." He knew she was smiling at him. That was his torture. He had a wife which meant she was free to do whatever and whoever she wanted. But no matter how much he rationalized it in his head, he couldn't shake the feelings of jealousy. "Which friend?" He could hear his tone hardening. She played too many fucking games. "Bryan Saunders." Simon sighed and grabbed his briefcase when his cell phone rang. He checked the ID. "Hey honey," he said to his wife. "Yeah, I'll be home in a bit." He nodded as he kept his eyes on Gabriella. "Sure, I'll stop by the store before I come home. Yeah, I love you too." He watched as Gabriella bit her bottom lip nervously and turned to walk away. He grabbed her arm. "Yeah honey, hold on one second, she's right here." Simon handed the phone to Gabriella. "She wants to talk to you." She sighed before she grabbed the phone. "Hey mom." The word crashing over him every single time she said it. Mom... He was going straight to hell. There was no redemption for how fucking twisted his life was at this point. No coming back from the abyss. Simon sat on the edge of his desk while he watched his stepdaughter talk to her mother in her usual rude manner. His eyes ran over her body. Fuck if Gabriella wasn't the spitting image of Patricia when she was in college, which only disturbed/turned him on more. Same smooth mocha skin, jet black hair and hazel eyes. Minus the foul mouth, cigarettes and tramp stamp on Gabriella's lower back, they could have been twins. But he knew what kind of girl she was. She was no innocent little angel that was for sure. She hung up without even saying goodbye and handed the phone back to him. "Don't stay out all night, Gabriella. Your mom worries." "Oh God, would you quit. I'm an adult, if you hadn't noticed." Oh, he had noticed alright. But Simon was used to this. It was always her argument. "And as an adult living in my house, I have rules." He wasn't about to get in another heated debate with her. He knew what that usually led to and he needed to get home. Hold his wife...gain some sanity back. She rolled her eyes and marched out of the room. ********** Patricia "Ooh, mama's being bad." Patricia smiled as she filled her glass to the top with a cheap brand of wine. This was exactly what she needed after work. She still hadn't figured out how she had landed in research marketing, but the pay was awful and the hours were long. Add an asshole boss on top of that...and wine was called for. She curled up in a ball on the sofa and took a sip. The house was so quiet. Too quiet. When Simon and Ella were both home, the tension was usually so high and yelling or screaming was echoing throughout the house. It was rare that she was home before either of them, but her boss was out sick, so she decided to take advantage. She leaned her head back against the soft cushion and took another sip, the wine bringing back memories of when she and Simon were newlyweds. Every Saturday night they would camp out on the floor with appetizers and wine and talk about everything under the sun. Politics, entertainment, science or just random topics like sex robots in Japan and interesting non vacation destinations they would love to visit. Gabriella Ch. 01 She was shaken out of her thoughts when she heard his keys in the door. She smiled as he came though, looking more handsome every day. It's a pity how men could master that trick the older they got. His fitted dark blue jacket and dark jeans made him look more like the students than the faculty. Or at least no professor she had ever encountered in school. The dean of the history department had already gotten on to him for his dress code, but he refused to wear a stuffy suit. He put up a big argument that it stifled his ability to teach, so the dean finally consented. But Patricia knew it was more out of the fact that the dean was a woman than agreeing with his plea. "Hey honey," he said, shuffling out of his jacket, and giving her his signature smile. The smile she had fallen in love with. "Hey you," she answered back. He walked up behind her and gently pulled her head back to kiss her lips. The simple peck turned into more. "Damn," he whispered as he slid over the back of the couch. Patricia laughed when he settled his head on her lap and closed his eyes. "Long day?" She rubbed her hands through his soft hair. "Yep. I just don't get these kids today. I mean, maybe we were like that, but they seem unteacheable." He paused. "I don't even think that's a word, but that's what they are. They can name over a thousand artists on their iPod but can't tell me two ancient civilizations. God, I used to really love teaching those first couple of years. Thrills gone now, babe." "Oh, poor baby." She leaned down to kiss him. When she tried to pull away, he held the back of her head. She smiled against his lips, before breaking the kiss. "Is Ella still giving you a hard time in class?" She felt him tense beneath her, giving her the answer. She knew that they just didn't get along. No short of Simon trying. A few months before they got married, Simon suggested that she and Ella move into his house. She had hoped the new transition would cause Ella to take to him, but she didn't. From the moment he met her, he went out of his way to get her to like him, but nothing worked. Ella didn't like many people and had respect for even less. And over the next two years, they argued all the time mainly due to Ella's disrespect, something Simon refused to tolerate. But the arguing drove Patricia crazy. She hated to hear it because she had grown up in a house with constant yelling and screaming. She wanted her home drama free. But toward the beginning of the third year after Ella turned eighteen, they took to just straight out ignoring each other. He'd grumble good morning to her and she'd just nod. No other interaction between the two. Truthfully, Patricia preferred this approach. She had asked Simon why the change, but he would just shrug. But lately, they started back the screaming matches. "She was okay," he answered. Patricia nodded. He turned his head to the side and grabbed the remote, turning the channel to ESPN, one of three channels he actually watched. The other two being The History Channel and Discovery Channel. Talking about her daughter didn't always send them in the most positive direction, so she knew to tread lightly. Most of their arguments stemmed from how she disciplined Ella. Actually, the gripe was that she never did discipline her daughter. But guilt still plagued her. She hadn't been the most present person in Ella's childhood and she felt by leaving her alone and not being a nagging mom, she could make up for it. But Ella just didn't seem to care about anything anymore. And ironically, only Simon could yank her out of these moods and destructive behavior. Ella actually listened to him. Not all of the time, but a hell of a lot more than she did her. Patricia placed her glass on the side table. She still wasn't sure when and why this split happened between her and her daughter. She had chalked it up to Ella becoming a teenager, but knew it went deeper than that. It started around the age of fourteen. That's when Ella began to change. She started talking back to her and lying. She dressed differently and she caught her smoking and drinking on several occasions. Fourteen years old. But truthfully it did no good to try and punish her, because back then, Patricia had worked two jobs to make ends meet, so she could never enforce the rules anyway. And she knew her daughter had started having sex at a young age, but her mind just wouldn't register that information. She chose to ignore it. She wasn't home enough, so it's not like she could have stopped Ella. The best she was able to do was put her on birth control pills and hope she remembered to take them. Patricia blamed herself. Ella never had a father figure. Rodney's parental skills were a joke and she stayed too busy to ever have a meaningful relationship with someone who she could trust to bring around her daughter. So years went by with just the two of them. She thought Ella's sexual curiosity was due to the fact that there were never any men around, so she sought them out. And the older her daughter became and grew into a beautiful desirable woman, the more worried Patricia became. Ella had basically lost all respect for her and openly teased men in front of her own mother. Patricia would give a nervous laugh and pull her along. She knew Ella didn't carry the best reputation, but she had chosen to ignore it for fear of finding out it was all true. "What's for dinner?" His eyes were still closed, but a small grin appeared. "Who did you call for take-out?" Patricia shot back at him. He laughed. "Point taken. But wow, can't believe you're home first. I could get used to this." "You like this? Want me to be a little house wife with dinner cooked and slippers in hand for you?" she asked. "I plead the fifth on that question for fear of being smacked." Patricia laughed. "Smart man. And I'm not opposed to the idea Simon, but I just don't think we could afford it." He sighed and opened his eyes. She had never seen a prettier shade of blue. He should have a color named after them. "I know, honey," he replied. "Did Ella say when she was coming home?" She continued to stroke his short brown hair as he turned on his side. "Of course she did. Right after she introduced me to her date and said I was such a great guy who deserved her respect." "Point taken." ********** Gabriella "Damn, Ella," Bryan said. He continued to plow into her, his cock feeling more like a gynecologist visit than anything else. Ella hadn't planned on having sex with him, but he claimed the movie had been boring so they cut out early. He didn't really say much during their date, mainly commenting on different sports, something she knew nothing about. But she knew guys like him. They had heard about her reputation...one she had done everything in her power to maintain in high school, but now, she resented it. She really did want to find a nice guy who wanted to spend time with her. Talk to her without the hopes of getting into her panties. "You feel so good," she lied, wishing he would hurry up. She knew she could easily say no, and she had actually tried to, right before he pulled her underwear down, but it fell on deaf ears. He pretended not to hear. Maybe guys like him didn't hear girls like her. Maybe they only heard 'no' when they were dating girls like Rebecca...her ex-best friend. Rebecca had been Ella's friend since elementary school. They both loved the same boy bands and Barbie dolls more than life itself. Of course Rebecca had many dolls, while Ella only had a few tattered ones her mom bought from off brand toy stores. It wasn't easy growing up in a community where you were raised by a single mother struggling with two jobs. She knew it was becoming a common story and there was no room for pity, but she still always wished her dad could have chipped in more. He did the best he could, but his best barely was enough to buy her a birthday card every year on the wrong day. He floated from job to job, picking up work here and there. His basketball career didn't go as he had planned. He was injured over the summer, right before his senior year of college. According to her mom, his world ended that day and was never the same again. Ella wished she could have known her father then, before he was known as the deadbeat dad. But Rebecca did have a mother and father. A father, who was a VP at a bank and a mother who was a stay and home mom that made brownies for her kids and packed it in their lunches. Throughout middle school, Ella had stayed close to her, even though she realized Rebecca was a bitch. She was a gossip and constantly put others down, while tricking teachers into thinking she was the sweetest child to ever grace their halls. The moment Ella's sexual exploitations with two boys who she didn't even know were related became public knowledge, Rebecca no longer associated with her. She banned Ella from their group of friends, who basically followed Rebecca around like she was God. She began spreading rumors about Ella and the two ended up getting into a physical fight outside of the school gym. Ella still smiled thinking about how she kicked her ass. She had never really been in a fight before, but Rebecca decided to yell 'slut' as she walked by, her cronies giggling behind her. And it hadn't been the first time, but after that fight it was the last. Rebecca had a black eye and ignored her for the duration of high school, while Ella fell further and further down the black hole of teen peer pressure, experimenting with drugs, alcohol and sex. But right now, she was experimenting with Rebecca's boyfriend. She knew Bryan wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut and word would get around to Rebecca. She still wanted to get back at that bitch for torturing her all those years. "Bryan, pull out," Ella said, hoping he wasn't about to come. He claimed he didn't have a condom and would pull out before he came. Even though she was on the pill, she didn't know him that well and was putting herself at risk. But she figured being Rebecca's boyfriend that he was more than likely clean. But if he was cheating with her, no telling who else he had cheated with. "I will," he moaned, pinning her wrist to the couch. She wished he would just pull out and come already. He wasn't the best lover. One of those guys with a big dick but no clue how to use it. Her mind drifted to Simon, the only man who could really make her orgasm. She closed her eyes, trying to imagine it was his body covering hers. But the smell of alcohol and popcorn kept her from escaping. She opened her eyes feeling him stiffen even more. She knew he was about to explode. "Get off," Ella said, trying to maneuver out of his grasp. But he held her down. "Seriously, Bryan, stop it!" she shouted, getting nervous about the pained expression on his face. "One second," he gasped, holding her as his hips thrust into her two more times before he shouted a string of curse words. Then she felt it, that warm fluid invading her body. Fucking prick. At that moment, had she had a knife, she would have used it to Lorena Bobbitt his ass. She pressed her lips together, waiting for him to finish. The moment he did, he dropped his heavy body over hers, damn near crushing her. "Get off me," Ella said sternly. She heard him mumble something but he didn't move. But now that her hands were free, she grabbed his ears and pulled them as hard as she could. "Shit!" he shouted, lifting up from her. "Ow, ow, ow," he said, dropping from the couch to his knees, his ears still at her mercy. "You're such an asshole," Ella said, letting go of him and searching for her underwear. He hadn't even bothered removing her dress and enticing her with foreplay like Simon did. None of them were ever like Simon. None of them could ever touch her heart like he could. "What?" Bryan asked standing and pulling his pants back up. She watched in disgust as he stretched and scratched his tight, toned abs. "I'm hungry. Wanna grab something to eat?" Ella rolled her eyes and headed to the door. "Just take me home." ********** Simon Simon couldn't sleep. He never could whenever Gabriella was out all night. The thought that it could be jealousy made him feel ill, but knowing it could be from a parental bond, sickened him even more. He walked into the garage and pulled the cover from his bike. Even though his accident years ago kept him from being a speed demon, nothing could keep him from his babies. A blue and silver Yamaha Sports Motorcycle and a 1976 CZ classic he was restoring. Patricia had been terrified to ride with him the first time. It took almost an entire year for her to hop on the back and even then, he had to drive slower than Miss Daisy so it felt more like a kiddy ride at the fair. She had almost choked him and wouldn't stop screaming. She had ridden a few more times, but he knew it wasn't her cup of tea. He took Gabriella for a few spins as well, and as always she was the complete opposite of her mother. She laughed and told him to go faster, which he obliged feeling more free than he had in a long time. The first time he had given her a ride, his intentions had been honorable. They rode to a secluded area on the outskirts of town to give her lessons. "Okay," he said, removing his helmet. "The first thing you want to do is—" He tried to stop her, at least he did in his mind, but his body and mouth remained still. She had already removed her shirt and was pulling down her shorts sans underwear. "Fuck," he mumbled to himself. There she was legs crossed on his bike wearing only a smile. His dick got so hard staring at two of his favorite things that he thought he was going to break the fucking zipper on his pants. After that afternoon of fucking, he tried not to take Gabriella on his bike anymore. Simon looked up when saw car lights pulling into the driveway. The garage door was down, but he could see them through the small window. He watched as Gabriella got out of the car and slammed the door without looking back. Simon tried to get a good look at the guy in the car, but he couldn't see his face. He walked back over to his bike and kneeled down beside it shaking his head. He was supposed to have ended this thing with her months ago. Truthfully, he had been trying to end it after the first time it happened. It was a little under a year ago when Patricia had been visiting her friend a few towns over. The two were going to some jazz festival and he hoped to spend this time bonding with his beautiful and impossible stepdaughter. Maybe the two of them could see eye to eye and realize they had a common bond in her mother, so it was in everyone's best interest to try and get along. Two years of constant bickering was taking a toll on his relationship with Patricia, so he wanted to do the right thing and be the adult. Even though technically, at eighteen then, she was too, but damn if she would act like it. "I can order pizza, if you want?" he had asked calmly, as she stalked around the house looking for her cell phone. The cell phone he had hidden from her due to the temper tantrum she displayed about not wanting to go with her mother. Okay, it wasn't exactly the best way to start off this bonding thing, but his house, his rules and now that her mother wasn't here to protect her, she would learn what most children went through when they disobeyed or disrespected a parent. "Where's my fucking phone?" She walked from room to room slamming each door. "It's hidden and will remain there until you can control yourself." "God, I hate you!" "That's unfortunate." Simon smiled, amused that he was finally in charge. Without Patricia there to always stop his disciplinary process, this was actually quite fun. "And you say fuck one more time, you're not going to get it back." Yeah, he liked this new approach. Gabriella came huffing and puffing back into the kitchen and glared at him. "Pepperoni?" he asked, trying hard to keep from smiling. But her pissed off expression was now replaced with one of amusement. It was in this moment that Simon realized he was truly alone with her. And he couldn't' deny it, she was stunning. Even when the three of them went out together, he saw men old and young checking her out. And she seemed to be aware of it and used it to her advantage. She knew how to play games and that started making him feel strange. The air seemed stuffy as he stared over at her, her shorts always tight and short. Her tops always snug, showing her nipples through them. "Whatever you want Simon." She smiled with her tongue gliding across her plump bottom lip. Those four words and he felt the tables turning on him. His heart had begun to pound inside his chest. "You know what you're problem is?" she asked, twisting a strand of hair around her finger. Fuck, did she know what she was doing? "No, enlighten me." Simon leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. He would never admit it that her look was unnerving to him. His skin grew hot as she walked closer to him. So close that he could smell cinnamon from the gum she had been popping and her silky hair brushed his arm, sending chills throughout his body. "You want to fuck me," she stated matter of fact. Several seconds passed before either of them said anything. Simon just continued to stare down at her, praying his eyes weren't confirming what she had said. But soon he felt his dick confirming it. "Hard and dirty and in all the ways that my mom won't let you," she whispered, walking her fingers up his chest slowly until they reached his neck, where she quickly pulled him in for a kiss. "Whoa." Simon pulled back from her and looked in her eyes. She wanted him. He wasn't sure why he had refused to see that look before, but it was there. How could he have been such a fool to not recognize it? His entire thought process stopped. Shut completely down as he roughly pulled her face toward his and kissed. Her sweet tender lips felt so good against his as he pushed her against the counter. He didn't mean to, but his hips just naturally started rolling into her. Her moan stayed trapped by his tongue which was embedded in her mouth. Cinnamon every-fucking-where. His hands roamed over her young soft body, then lowered to her supple ass and squeezed. He lifted one of her legs to gain more access as he dry humped her against the counter. He broke the kiss just long enough to lift her until she was sitting on the counter. He stepped in between her legs and continued his assault on her mouth, while his hands felt over her shorts, gripping the waist band. He was about to pull them down, when he realized the earrings she were wearing were Patricia's. She had worn them on their one year anniversary. He remembered because he had bought them for her. Might as well have been a bucket of cold water doused on him. He backed away from her as if she were a leper. "Holy fuck! I'm so sorry, shit. I'm sorry," he said, running his hands through his hair. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I can't believe I did that." "Simon, don't be sorry." She hopped off the counter and walked towards him. He moved around the table, trying to put something between them. She stared at him and tried to walk the other way, but he sidestepped in the opposite direction. She stopped again, her eyes full of hurt. "Don't tell your mother," Simon whispered, feeling like a complete pervert. He was like those sick twisted men in porn videos who pretended to bang their daughters. And although Gabriella was not his biological child, nor did she really grow up with him, it still felt too Woody Allen for his taste. He couldn't believe he had actually cheated on Patricia. "Fine," she stated, turning around and pulling off her tank top and pushing down her shorts, giving Simon the perfect view of her perfect ass. He knew for sure he was tent poling his pants now. He wanted to look away, but he couldn't. Patricia never did things like that. She had never been sexually bold, something he wouldn't have minded more of. He watched as Gabriella slowly walked out of the kitchen, her hips swaying, as if beckoning him to follow and fuck the shit out of her. Gabriella Ch. 01 "Your loss," she called over her shoulder before she entered her room. Simon had stood there for at least an hour, not moving. His erection had finally gone down but his mind was reeling. He couldn't believe that he had just kissed, fondled and dry humped his stepdaughter in kitchen while his wife was away. What kind of man would do something like that? Actually, he could think of a few, his best friend Steven included, but he never had many morals to begin with. But a new thought popped into his head. Would he ever get this opportunity again? Some men would kill to be in his shoes. He wanted to think he was better than them, but remembering what her naked body looked like walking out of the kitchen would prove that he was no better than the rest. That a good man could do bad things, no matter how much he loved his wife. Or maybe he was never a good man to begin with. No, he knew what he needed to do. Take a cold shower and go to bed. He walked down the dark hallway and paused in front of Gabriella's door. He would just knock and whisper goodnight. That's it. One knock, one little goodnight and then he would have a shower, jack off and go to bed. A simple plan, which would have caused the least amount of damage. He stood there forever, swearing he could still smell cinnamon. His hand shook as he lifted it to knock. But before he could, he lowered it and shook his head. "Fuck," he whispered, before he opened her door and shut it behind him. That was the beginning of the end for him. Simon shook off the memories of their first encounter when he heard the door open leading into the garage from the kitchen. He didn't bother looking up. He knew it was Gabriella. She popped her gum. "What are you doing up?" she asked. "Got too hot and couldn't fall asleep," Simon lied. And he knew that Gabriella was looking at him skeptically. "Sure." She walked over to him and stood so close that his eyes shifted from the bike pedal to her perfect toe nails covered in lavender polish and swirly designs. "How was your date?" he asked, standing and putting a little distance between them. He grabbed a towel and wiped his hands. He turned to look at her. The ends of her hair were damp indicating she had just gotten out of the shower. Simon didn't have to imagine what her nude body looked like with water cascading down it. He had seen it with his own eyes, the one time they had showered together. His eyes quickly glanced over the rest of her body, taking in the thin tight shirt/nightgown thingy she was wearing that barely came to her thighs. Clothing like that could do crazy things to a man's imagination. "Fun." She pulled her hair up into a messy ball on top of her head. Simon tried to ignore the tightening in his stomach when he noticed the hickey on the side of her neck. She had never bothered hiding them from him or her mother, so he wasn't sure why he would have expected anything different. But it was her lack of respect, even for herself, that got under his skin. "Fun, huh?" He turned his back to her and began wiping off his tools, hoping that one day he could end everything. This lie he was living. He felt her arms wrap around his waist and her head lean against his back. "I thought of you the whole time," she whispered. He shook her off and turned around. "Really? Is that really what you think I want to hear? How you were thinking of me while letting some other guy fuck you, Gabriella?" he spouted more angrily than he had thought he was. God, what was it about her that made him crazy. "Just, go to bed or something." He turned away from her again when he felt her arms back around him. "I'm sorry," she whispered, nuzzling her face into his back. But when she yawned, it pissed him off even more. "Go to bed, you're tired. Sure it takes a lot of energy to be the town merry-go-round." As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted it. He was just angry and disappointed in himself. He considered himself a lousy husband and an even lousier father figure and Gabriella was the reason. "Fuck you," she said, releasing him as if his skin burned. He turned around and caught her as she was leaving and pulled her back to him. "Let go of me." She struggled to get away as his arms held her. He bent his head to kiss the side of her neck. "I'm sorry." "Let go," she whispered. He knew he had hurt her feelings. That was the thing with Gabriella. She was feisty with the mouth of a sailor, but at the end of the day, she could be hurt easily. Even more so than Patricia. "I'm sorry, Gabriella." He could feel her body relaxing, as she leaned her back into him. "I'm just really fucked up and stressed, okay. And I shouldn't have said that. Forgive me?" She turned around in his arms and looked up at him. Her eyes were glassed over and her mouth set in a frown. "You can be so mean." Her wide eyes gave her an innocent look. One he rarely saw, but knew was always there. "I'm an asshole." "Too bad my mom doesn't." "And I don't want her to." Simon knew that was there little secret. He never wanted Patricia to know how deep and dark his mind could go. If she only knew the things he did with Gabriella that could make some porn stars blush, she would wish him dead. And he would understand. There was nothing right about what he was doing and no way to possibly justify it. He stared at Gabriella's lips until he couldn't take it anymore. He began kissing her as she ran her hand inside his pants. Simon had never had sex with Gabriella while Patricia was in the house, and he knew how dangerous this situation could be. His hand squeezed her ass while he pushed her against the wall, covering her body, his erection already pushing through his pants and against her dripping wet pussy. He kissed and licked her puffy lips and then traveled down further to suck on her chocolate nipple through the thin shirt, rolling the tight bud around his tongue and lightly biting. He knew she loved that. She moaned and pushed her chest further up. His hand played and massaged with one, much like his mouth was doing with its twin. "Simon." She gasped and ran her hands through his hair. After distributing equal amounts of time to both nipples, he traveled further down south and yanked her panties down. He drove his tongue into her slick folds, while pushing one leg over his shoulder. He licked and sucked the outer lips before capturing her reddish pink tulip in his mouth. Her legs shook as he continued to suck harder. "Simon," she said again, her voice carrying through the room. "Ssh." He gave her drenched pussy a kiss before rising and pushing his pants down. She pretended to zip her mouth shut before she grasped his cock in her small hand and turned him against the wall. She slowly lowered to her knees, her eyes holding his. "Oh." Simon leaned his head back and closed his eyes when she took him into her mouth. Patricia pleased him this way every now and then, but he knew she didn't enjoy it. She thought it was degrading and maybe it was, but fuck, if she only knew how it felt for him she would never try to deny him. His toes were tingling, it was so good. "Oh, fuck, Gabriella," Simon said, pushing her head away before he came. He felt her mouth slide off him with a pop. She crawled up his frame when he lifted her up and held her against the wall, his kisses eager and hungry. He quickly pulled off her nightgown as she wrapped her legs around him. Simon slowly eased into her, both moaning in unison. He hooked his arms underneath her legs and braced his hands against the wall, holding her wide and open as he thrust into her. He tried to slow so that the unmistakable sounds of sex didn't linger in the air, but she was so wet that every time he entered her, he could hear soaking pussy accepting him again and again. "Oh, God." She placed her arms around his neck. "Ssh," he told her, as he covered her mouth with another kiss. He smiled, knowing that she could get carried away and scream during sex, something that turned him on. Everything about her turned him on. He rocked his hips into her sweet core over and over again, watching her orgasm build until her breath quickened and she began to tremble. "Aah." He roughly captured her lips again, stealing any further sounds from her. She rolled her hips into him, gripping him even tighter. But it was then that he realized he hadn't worn a condom. "Oh, fuck," he gasped, almost too far gone to comprehend what he was about to do. She tightened her arms around him as her pussy muscles tightened, squeezing the hell out of his shaft. Simon almost dropped her as he pulled out quickly. It wasn't that he feared getting her pregnant, although he could never be too careful, but he felt that coming inside her would be a new level of cheating on Patricia. He was sure that didn't make sense to anyone else, but it did to him. "Shit," he blurted out, as a volcano of his essence erupted onto Gabriella's stomach and legs. "Oh, fuck," he gasped, leaning his head against the wall. "You okay?" he heard her ask. He still couldn't talk, so he nodded, his head still resting against his arm. They both stood there for a moment, breathing heavy. "Sorry," he muttered, turning to her. They both looked down at the pearly liquid slowly dripping down her body. She dipped her finger into it and brought it to her lips. Simon's mouth parted as she sucked her finger and closed her eyes. "Mmm," she moaned. And there it was, he could feel himself rising to attention already. But he had to get a hold of himself. His wife was down the hall peacefully sleeping while he was messing around. "What am I going to do with you?" he asked, handing Gabriella her nightgown and a towel. She wiped the rest from her body and pulled her nightgown over her head. "Anything you want." Simon shook his head. "Come on." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the entrance back into the house. He flicked off the lights, flooding them in darkness before his hand reached for the door. But the handle opened with ease and the door went flying open. "Patricia," Simon said, snatching his hand from Gabriella's who was behind him. He knew the garage was pitch black when the light was off, but still. Did she hear them? Could she see Gabriella? Did she already check the kitchen and dining room looking for him...them? A million thoughts danced through his head as his eyes adjusted to the dark and he could make out her face. "Pa-Patricia," he stuttered. "What are you doing up?" Simon watched as Patricia's eyes widened in sync with his quickening heart. Please, don't let her have heard anything or see anything he prayed. He knew one day he would have to face the music but he had nothing in his mental closet to pull out to remotely cover for what they were doing together. No excuse at all. "I woke up and you were gone. Is something wrong?" she asked with alarm in her voice, trying to look around him. Simon's body relaxed and he tried to calm his voice before he spoke. "Of course not, silly. You just startled me." He quickly stepped through the door and slammed it behind him. He pulled Patricia in for a hug and kissed her forehead. "I was just working on my bike." "Oh. Well, I checked Ella's room and she still wasn't home," she sighed. Simon felt lower than shit. "I'm sure she's okay honey." "I just worry." "I know." He leaned down to kiss her lips. "Mmm, you taste like cinnamon," she purred. Fuck! "Really?" he laughed nervously, wiping his mouth as if he could ever remove Gabriella's scent. He knew her tongue and the caverns of her mouth like the back of his hand. He released his hold on Patricia and pulled her toward their room. Once inside, he quickly made his way to the bathroom. He needed to clean Gabriella's juices from his groin before his wife smelled the aroma of sex on him. He quickly washed up and stared at his reflection in the mirror. "You're an idiot," Simon whispered aloud. He had a perfect life and why he was fucking it up, he had no clue. After so many obstacles in his life, he had finally gotten the girl of his dreams. He still remembered her shocked/happy look when they bumped into each other a little over four and a half years ago. He was leaving the grocery store after picking up some last minute snacks for his Saturday football game with Steven and some friends, when a buggy slammed into the back of his car. "Son of a bitch," he muttered getting out of the car. He walked to the bumper and stared at the tiny dent and scratched paint on his car. "Oh my God. I'm so sorry," he heard a woman's voice say from behind him. "It got away from me." Simon was about to respond when glanced down at the woman and recognized a face that used to be the star of all of his adolescent fantasies. "Patricia Helms?" he asked, knowing it was her. He could never forget her face. "Yes?" She looked up at him and when recognition settled in, her whole face brightened up, causing his heart to skip a beat. "Simon Graham! Oh my God, what a small world." She reached up and hugged him. He couldn't believe she knew his name. He had been a sophomore in college the last time they had spoken. Simon breathed in her scent, not believing he was holding her in his arms. They had decided to forget their plans for the rest of the afternoon and had a three hour coffee chat instead. She told him about her fifteen year old daughter, Ella and the struggles of being a single parent. How she had tried to make it work with Rodney, but it never panned out. He remembered thinking that Rodney was a fucking fool. Simon told her that he had decided to go into teaching and finally about his crush on her throughout college, to which she responded that he should have asked her out. Although he was mentally kicking himself, he admitted that he had wanted to, but she always seemed to be into Rodney, so he backed off. When they got ready to say their goodbyes, he decided to do what he should have done all those years ago. He asked her out on a real date. She accepted and a year later he proposed. Four months after that they were married and his life had been perfect. Until he cheated on her. He was disgusted with himself. He knew that whatever this was he had with Gabriella had to end. Now. She would try to play her little games...oh, she would definitely try. But he would make her understand. Gabriella didn't believe in consequences, but he did and losing his wife was one he couldn't handle. Simon turned off the light and walked into the bedroom. He found Patricia curled up underneath the covers, already fast asleep. He smiled as he heard her light snore. It's amazing the little annoying habits and idiosyncrasies loved ones could have that would have driven most crazy, but seemed to be endearing to the people that loved them. He stood by the door, staring at her sleeping figure. He had never meant to hurt her. And even though she didn't know, he still believed he was hurting her. Patricia was such a beautiful woman, inside and out. A true friend, great mother and amazing wife. No one would ever be better for him than she was. Idiot, he thought again before he walked over to his side of the bed and slid in beside her warm body. He pulled her in close, in his favorite spooning position. He breathed in her jasmine scent and closed his eyes...trying to block out the taste of cinnamon on his tongue. ********** Gabriella Ella stood quietly in the darkness for at least fifteen minutes after Simon slammed the door in her face. Alone in the darkness is exactly how she felt most of the time unless she was with Simon. He provided some light, but it only lasted for a few fleeting moments before darkness enveloped her again. When she figured the coast was clear, she opened the door and quickly made her way to her bedroom. Inside, Ella yanked her pack of cigarettes from her purse. Her hands were still shaky from almost being caught as she lit it. She walked over to her window and opened it, sitting with one leg out and one in. She blew a cloud of white smoke into the darkness, the moonlight casting a strange light over it. She leaned her head back and thought about Simon. At night, she always did. Except in her dreams, he was lying beside her as if they were married. He was so handsome and didn't even realize it. His dark brown hair and blue eyes made her feel like some love struck stupid teen. She would be twenty in a few months and needed to get a grip. She never thought she would have ever hooked up with someone much older than her, but his age of thirty-seven didn't change him. He could have been some guy around twenty-one who she could have met in college. He still had a playful nature about him. He played football with his friends occasionally and when he walked around without a shirt, she saw no difference in his body than any other twenty-something guy. Ella turned back toward the window and sighed. What the hell was she doing with her life? She had contemplated leaving the small little southern town, but wasn't sure where the hell she would go. And school was definitely a drag for her. High school had felt like a waste of her time and even now, she would have never gone to college, but she wasn't sure what else she wanted to do. So in the mean time, Simon told her mother that if she wanted to live under his roof, she'd either go to school or get a full-time job. So she chose school. She still laughed when she saw his expression on his face the day she walked into his class. She enrolled at the last minute just to fuck with him. And she did cause him to stumble those first days of class, but since then, he had just ignored her. In private, she had joked with him about getting an automatic A now that they were fucking. But Simon never thought jokes like that were funny. He would just stare at her, making her feel stupid. Ella stubbed out her cigarette and closed the window. She plopped down on her bed and slipped beneath the covers. She wondered when it would be her turn to feel special. ********** Simon "Good morning, love," Simon said to his wife when she walked into the kitchen. "Mornin'," she muttered, stumbling over to kiss him, her eyes still practically shut. Even on the eve or her fortieth birthday, she was more beautiful than ever. And not in the same way she had been when they were in school, but in a different way. The look of a woman who was happy. Truly happy because she was loved. And he did love her with all his heart, despite what direction his dick sometime took. Simon wrapped one arm around her while another balanced a cup of coffee. He loved the feel of her against him, the way her hair smelled of jasmine and her skin was always warm and soft to the touch. He felt Patricia nip his neck and he slid his hand further down to her plump ass and squeezed. "What do you want for your birthday?" he whispered. "Just you." She nipped his neck again. He smiled and squeezed harder. But he felt himself tense as he heard Gabriella coming down the hallway singing. "Spinning on that dizzy edge, kissed her face and kissed her head, dreamed of all the different ways I had to make her glow," she sang in the sweetest voice as she rounded the corner and entered the kitchen. She paused for a second in her song...a song he had played for her when she had admitted she had never heard of The Cure. He had been so shocked and made her listen to several of their songs, Just Like Heaven being her favorite. She was still dressed in the same tight gown from last night and it was even shorter than he had remembered. In the past, he had chastised her again and again for walking around the house practically naked, especially when she refused to wear a bra underneath her shirts showcasing her full C's to anyone in view. He knew exactly what size she was, and not because she had told him, but because he had removed her bra several times. He had held the soft full globes in his hands, his mouth and even his dick had felt their warmth. But she wore shit like that on purpose and she especially loved it when he squirmed in front of her mother. Gabriella Ch. 01 He could see her body stiffen taking in this intimate moment with he and Patricia. But the mask came back up and she looked away from him and opened the refrigerator. She bent over, reaching for something on the bottom shelf of the fridge and his cock stirred in his pants. She knew exactly what she did to him. How his body responded to her constant teasing. She pulled out a carton of milk and faced him again as she slammed the door shut. She shook it as she stared at him and continued to sing. "Why are you so far away she said, why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you." And that was his life. Patricia in his arms with Gabriella always in sight. Always fucking with his head. Her eyes were piercing his, half angry, half hurt but full of lust. He knew that if he ever felt more for Gabriella than just sex, he could never admit it to anyone. But every day they were together, it was harder and harder for him to convince himself that this thing with her was strictly sex. Deep down, further than he had ever wanted to explore, he knew this girl did something to his heart. But there could never be anything romantic between them. It wasn't a possibility, even if his heart fluttered when she touched him. "Good morning, sleepyhead." Patricia turned releasing him and greeting her daughter. Simon exhaled, not realizing he had been holding his breath. As usual, she ignored her mother. It's shit like that which got under his skin. And Patricia always let her get away with it. Usually some lame excuse to why she was allowed to talk back to her mother, lie and on one occasion, he even caught her stealing from her mother's purse. And what does Patricia do? She made excuses for her. "Her father has never really been in her life and things weren't the best for us when she was growing up," Patricia would explain whenever he tried to scold the temptress. He tried to see if from his wife's point of view. And she had been neglected from her father, Rodney, and for that Simon hated him. He imagined what kind of girl Gabriella could have been, had it not been for her fuck up father. Simon had wanted to kick his ass back then because of Patricia and now because of Gabriella. Even though Simon was a bit of an academic and stood only six foot two to Rodney's six-six, he wasn't above stomping the shit out of someone who he thought deserved it. He was definitely not a push over, courtesy of his father, who had been a respected New York police officer by day, abusive tyrant by night. Defending your mom against several blows on a weekly basis could teach one to fight. Or at least be able to take a hit and no longer cry if it hurt. Hitting the books had nothing to do with wanting to be a nerd or know it all...it had been out of necessity. He knew he wanted to get the hell out of his dad's house the first chance he got and even though he was good, he knew there was no football or baseball scholarship waiting for him. If he wanted to get out, he had to make it through his grades, which drastically improved when he realized this in the seventh grade. And it wasn't that he disliked Rodney. He was nice and even on occasion when they ran into each other, he was always friendly to Simon. But he was so fucking spacey and would leave for large periods of time, including years, then just pop up like nothing was wrong. Gabriella rarely ever talked about him and said she didn't care that he wasn't present in their lives. But Simon knew better. He knew what it was like to want to love your fuck-up of a parent. It wasn't easy and caused resentment to fester inside you and eat at your soul. But today was a new day. Normally, with such a rude introduction to her mother, Simon would have engaged in some sort of verbal combat with Gabriella, but today he would try a more civil approach, although nothing ever worked. "Your mother said, 'good morning' to you. Might want to return the kind words," Simon stated, blowing his coffee which was already lukewarm. "And you might want to stay out of my life," she answered back, not even bothering to look at him as she poured milk into her cereal. "Don't start." Patricia looked at him with pleading eyes. Simon knew it was useless, especially since he was in this fight alone, but he just couldn't let shit like that drop. That's why she did the things she did, because no one called her on it. "Grow up, Gabriella. The world doesn't owe you anything." He dumped his coffee in the sink. Patricia sighed and sat down next to Gabriella. She tried to run her hand over her hair, but she moved away from her mother's touch. He just didn't understand it. His own guilt made him want to treat Patricia like a queen, yet Gabriella felt contempt for her. "Screw you. It's too early in the morning for this shit," she mumbled, standing up from the table. "Put your bowl in the sink," Simon said. "You put it in the sink," she shot back over her shoulder as she walked out. "Its fine, Simon, I got it," Patricia said. "Patricia, Jesus, stop honey," he said completely exasperated. "You have to quit letting her get away with every little thing." "It's just a bowl. It's not worth World War III, okay." "It's the principle of the matter," he said, completely at a lost. He was fighting a losing battle and he knew it. Patricia grabbed the bowl and placed it in the sink. She gave him a tentative peck on the lips and walked out. Simon stood there shaking his head. He leaned against the counter for a few more minutes, trying to calm his temper. He heard Patricia call out to him that she was leaving and he heard the front door closed. He waited a few more minutes until her car pulled out of the driveway before he marched down the hallway to Gabriella's room. Simon knew what he had to do. Something he should have done a year ago. He couldn't keep this up with her. He couldn't expect her to respect anything if he kept carrying on with her this way. It was hurting the both of them and maybe he could gain a little control back once it stopped. Because right now, he felt like she had the upper hand in their relationship or whatever it was. He had told himself today would be the day. He didn't bother knocking, as he opened her door. He caught her as she was pulling her shirt over her black bra. She stopped and looked at him. "Jesus, my mom just left and already you want it." She smiled up at him, but then it faded no doubt due to how he was looking at her. "What?" she asked. "Gabriella, it's over." Her eyes narrowed as she bit her bottom lip. "You've said that before." "I know. But I mean it this time." He stared at her face as her eyes widened, hoping it was sinking in. Before she could say another word, he closed the door back and walked down the hallway praying that he could follow through on that statement. Patricia deserved better than this. Better than him. And from this day forward, he would make it up to her and be the man he was when he married her. He sighed and picked up his briefcase when he heard her door open. "Simon?" Her voice sounded so small and unsure. He turned around to see her eyes full of hurt staring at him. "I'll apologize to my mom. I just, um, I'm sorry," she whispered, as a tear rolled down her face. And there it was. Forty seconds of resolve and a possible lifetime worth of happiness ruined by that look. He dropped his briefcase and walked toward her. ********** Chapter 2 coming soon... I hope you all enjoyed my latest story...and as you can see, it's very different than my last two. I realize it is a little darker and heavier in tone, but if you stick it with it, I think you will be entertained...or at least I hope. But I was so ready to write this particular story. I just want to thank my muse and best friend, Kaia B. (aka TangledinYou) for cheering me on when I took this step in another direction away from romance and reading many, many, many drafts of different stories and ideas I have had on everything. And for just being the most fucking awesome person ever...love you, K! And I'd like to thank August Bouvier, who after several drafts, still manages to be polite and fucking brilliant with her assessments. And another thanks to SecretFantasy for taking time out of her busy schedule to read my crap, um...I'll be sending your more. Thanks ladies! And thanks for all of the emails of encouragement over the past few months, I promise you it kept me going. Check out my bio for any updates. Soular Gabriella Ch. 02 Gabriella Ella stared out of the window as Simon drove them to school. The tree lined route he took whenever they had to make up for lost time looked grey and gloomy from this morning's drizzle. Everything felt grey and gloomy. He'd broken up with her as soon as her mother had left for work. She apologized for the so-called rude comments she'd made to her mother but Simon insisted they were through. The first time she kissed him, he pushed her away. The second time she kissed him they ended up making love. That was his way, always contradicting his words. But he hadn't uttered one since they'd rushed out of the house. Part of her loved not knowing what came next with Simon as much as she hated it. "I had a dream about you last night," she confessed, desperate to end the silence. "Want to hear it?" He sighed. "No, Gabriella, I don't." "Why not?" She'd hoped everything between was okay again but his tone said different. "Because I don't." Ella ignored him. "We were living in England together, in some trendy little flat. We owned some tiny corner bookstore and sat around drinking wine and stuff with these cool English friends. And you—" "Gabriella, stop." "—wanted to have a kid and we—" "Gabriella! Stop." Ella looked at him. A sick feeling washed over her. "Get this image of a future with me out of your head. Do you understand that it's never going to happen? Ever." "But—" "There is no 'but', Gabriella. I'm married to your mother. Goddamn it! Don't you get that? Does it not matter to you? She's your mom, does that not fucking resonate with you at all? Don't you feel even a little guilty?" "Yeah, sometimes I do. I mean, my mom...I don't know, I just don't think you two make a good couple. She doesn't get you the way I do. I think you and I make a better couple." "You and I aren't a couple." "Sure feels that way when you make love to me." "Gabriella, what you and I do isn't making love." That stung. Ella looked away and pretended to pick lint from her pants. "Oh, that's right. You make love to her and you fuck me. But did you ever stop to think that maybe she doesn't care about you as much as I do?" "And why would you say that?" "Because I'll let you do anything. I have let you do anything. And maybe I do that because I care more than her." Simon chuckled then sighed. "Gabriella, don't confuse sex with love. They aren't the same thing." "I know that." "Well, then know that I love your mother. I love Patricia with all my heart despite how I've wronged her. I'm married to her. Plain and simple." "You sure don't act very married," she muttered, knowing it would get a rise out of him. A few seconds later she felt the car slow down as he veered off the side of the road and parked. She stared at his profile while he just looked ahead through the windshield. "You're right," he stated. And those were the last words Simon spoke. It wasn't the first time he had ignored her, but it always hurt when he did. ********** Patricia Patricia still couldn't believe the big day had come. She'd officially turned forty. Her morning began with breakfast in bed and a birthday card courtesy of Simon. Although his cooking lacked...well, taste, it was definitely the thought that counted. And the card had been beautiful, listing forty reasons why she was the most special person to him, with reason number one being: Because no matter how dark the night, you bring light to my world. Patricia glanced over the list at least three times that morning, tearing up with each read. For years she had resigned herself to believe she would only be a mother and not much else. She more than likely would never be married or find a man who'd love her the way she imagined love was supposed to feel. Some days, she still believed it couldn't be real. Life taught her that happiness was easily pulled away, a lesson her mother had reminded her of at a young age. She had come home from school one afternoon, to find her mother sitting at the kitchen table crying. At the time, she had only been seven, but was used to her mother's frequent sobs. Patricia had just painted a picture of her mom and hoped the gift would brighten her day. She handed it to her, proud of her accomplishment. But her mother only glanced at it, before she set it aside. She turned to Patricia and said, "Life's a bitch and then you die. It's not even worth the time to get up in the morning." No matter how much she tried to shake those words, they stuck with her throughout her life. But she was determined to prove her mother wrong. That life was worth something, even if it didn't always go as planned. "Will you still love me even though I'm old?" she had asked Simon after she shoved down as much burnt food as she could stand. "You act like forty is one foot in the grave, babe." She pouted. "I feel like it." He leaned back against the headboard and pulled her in close. "Come here crazy woman." He wrapped his arms around her. "Are you fucking kidding me right now? Seriously, do you know how many hot women over forty there are? Want me to start naming my 'if I got a pass' in Hollywood list?" "Might make me feel better." At the moment life was great and she should be thankful for another year on earth but the lump in her stomach persisted. "Okay. Elizabeth Hurley, Kenya Moore—" "Kenya is not forty, I don't think." "Well, whatever, she's on my list. Elle Macpherson, Salma Hayek and let's not forget my top, along with half the men I know, Halle Berry, so there. Want me to keep naming?" Patricia laughed. "No, no, I get your point. Thank you. I needed that." He leaned down to kiss her and she held his bottom lip between her teeth. "Oh, so you want an early birthday present, huh?" he asked, his voice deep and husky. Patricia nodded and slowly slid her top over her head in a teasing manner. "Fuck me," he muttered, his eyes scanning over her chest. Patricia giggled. "Like what you see?" "Hell yes. Want me to show you how much I like?" He kneeled between her legs and slowly slid her panties off. Simon moved back on the bed and smiled devilishly before he pulled the covers over his head. Patricia waited in anticipation as she watched the adorable lump in the sheets crawl further up while his lips caressed her legs. She leaned back in the bed when she felt the warmth of his breath hovering right above already wet pussy. She gripped the pillows beside her when she felt his tongue flick her sensitive bud. And after a few seconds of teasing her, his mouth latched on and she felt her legs tremble almost instantly. "Simon," she whimpered. *** Patricia shook herself from the steamy moment earlier that morning to look at the faces staring at her around the table. If she had fairer skin, they would have noticed the deep blush across her cheeks as she thanked God they couldn't read her mind. But she had a feeling Simon could by the knowing smile he flashed at her. It had been a while since their friends had gathered at their home. The dining room had sprung to life with candlelight and a lavish arrangement of pink roses—Patricia's favorite and instead of relying on his false sense of culinary skills, Simon had hired a caterer. Despite the rough start, the dinner party had turned out great. Patricia grinned as he stood and cleared his throat. He tipped is champagne glass towards her and smiled. "Here's to forty, though you don't look a day over twenty-five. Happy birthday honey and I love you." He leaned down to kiss her as applause sounded around the table. "Thank you," she whispered to him, when he sat down. Everyone waited on her to give a speech, something she always dreaded doing. "Thank you all so much for coming, I really appreciate it. And thanks for no 'over the hill signs'." Everyone laughed. "I had one in the car, but Simon threatened bodily harmed if I brought it in," Steven Ashbury said. He was Simon's rake of a best friend. Patricia never knew what to make of him, but he and Simon had known each other since college. "Good looking out, baby." Patricia leaned over and kissed him again. "Anytime," he said, giving her a seductive smile. "Aww, isn't he sweet. Someone's getting laid tonight," Steven mumbled before taking a sip of champagne. But he choked when Simon punched him in the arm. "Hey, I meant that as a compliment," Steven said, wiping up the mess. Patricia playfully rolled her eyes at him and looked down the table where her daughter sat. Ella had her elbow on the table with her chin resting in her hand. Her eyes, which were fixed on her plate, didn't hold the same brightness they once did. Patricia wondered if Ella was still upset about the argument the three of them had about an hour before everyone showed up. An argument that had stemmed from her choice in wardrobe. Ella had always dressed more provocative than Patricia preferred. Even back in high school, Patricia would come home and find her daughter wearing some skimpy shirt and short skirt that her school had actually let her get away with. For all Patricia knew, maybe she hadn't gone to school that day. She had argued with Ella once before a date about her revealing outfit, to which Ella rolled her eyes and walked out anyway. That became the nature of their relationship, and Patricia eventually gave up questioning her for the sake of peace and quiet. But that was before Simon. When he entered the picture, the two of them battled it out constantly over things like that. "You are not coming to your mother's birthday dinner dressed like that. Period," he had said to Ella, when she appeared in a light gray halter top dress that looked more like a shirt. The neck line plunged deep while the hem of the dress barely settled below her underwear. "This isn't for mom's birthday party. It's for my date afterwards, Simon, so don't worry about it." Patricia never knew whose side to take in these arguments. Ella wasn't a baby, so technically she could dress however she wanted, but Simon was trying to teach her self-respect, something she desperately needed. Something Patricia had failed to get through to her. But Ella had won the argument, refusing to change. At the end of the day, there wasn't anything Patricia or her husband could really do to stop it. And as a result, Simon and Ella had ignored each other all through dinner. Patricia continued to watch her daughter as she looked down at her cell phone and smiled. She hopped up and walked towards her. "Nolan's here. I'll be back late. Happy birthday," Ella whispered to her, leaning down to give her a quick hug. "Oh, okay. Ha—have fun," was all Patricia could think of to say. Behind her, she heard Simon ask, "Where are you going?" The tone of his voice, the way he stared at Ella, made Patricia tense when she turned around. Please not here. "None of your fucking business," Ella replied. "Ella," Patricia whispered while she nervously looked around. The entire table fell silent as everyone pretended to eat, but she knew they were all listening. Only Myra didn't hide the fact that she was looking back and forth from Ella to Simon. Even though Patricia loved her dearly, Myra had always been in everyone else's business. Ella stormed out of the dining room while Patricia plastered on a smile for everyone at the table. "Well, when do we get cake?" Steven asked, breaking the intense silence. "Oh! Speaking of, does anyone watch that show Cake Boss?" another friend, Jocelyn asked, as the chatter continued. Patricia found Simon with his eyes fixed on the empty doorway where Ella had been. He chugged down his drink and stood. "Excuse me," he said, then walked out. Patricia watched his retreating form before she looked back at the table. Myra's gaze traveled from Simon's direction then towards her. Patricia smiled at her and Myra gave her a little smile back before she took a bite of her food. ********** Gabriella Ella rushed to the foyer, searching for her keys to make sure they were in her handbag. Just as she opened the door, it slammed shut, scaring her. She turned around to find Simon glaring at her. "What the hell is your problem?" he whispered harshly. "You're my fucking problem, now move." He had the nerve to question her? Especially after everything he had said, especially after he hadn't spared her a glance in two days? "You don't seem to understand that us knowing where you are is for your own safety." "Do you see my mother standing here? Does it look like she cares where I go or what the fuck I do?" "She's kinda preoccupied at the moment if you hadn't noticed," he snapped. "Yeah, isn't she always?" Her mother had always disappeared somewhere. Sometimes work, sometimes not. The older she got, the more she understood, but she wished someone could have explained that to her ten-year-old self. The one that started not trusting her mother. And she knew it was more than just work that had plagued her mind about her mother's absences years ago. Secrets she had never even discussed with her mom. "Look, just tell me where—nevermind." Simon stepped around her and snatched the door open. Her jaw dropped as she watched him walk toward the car that had been waiting for her. Immediately the headlights shut off and her date, Nolan Jeffries stepped out. No doubt the two would recognize each other, since Nolan was in her ancient civilizations class that Simon taught, although neither knew about the others relationship with her. She quickly ran out to the scene unfolding. When she reached Simon's side, Nolan's eyes were as wide as saucers. "Pro—Professor Graham, I didn't know, um, I—" he was at a complete loss of words. Not that speaking had ever been a specialty of Nolan's. He was a sophomore like her and starting linebacker on the football team, a big guy with shaggy dirty blond hair and friendly green eyes. She hadn't met any guys that she would ever consider as boyfriend material, but Nolan would be the closest. He wasn't the brightest bulb, but he was kind to her which was a hell of a lot more than most of the guys she knew, especially those who knew of her reputation. Nolan was aware, but never treated her that way. He mainly followed her around like a large, lost puppy and she found that endearing. "Nolan," was all Simon said placing his hands in his pockets. Ella stepped forward and grabbed Nolan's hand. She watched as Simon's eyes flickered from the gesture. "Um, Ella never told me that you were her dad." "Step," Simon quickly interjected. "Uh, yeah, step-dad." "Well, now you know." "Come on," Ella said, pulling Nolan back to the car. "Where are you two going tonight?" Simon asked. "You don't have to—" "The Cineplex to watch that end of the world movie. And um, afterwards we were going to stop by my friend's party. 8653 Pinehurst Avenue, the second house on the right," Nolan rushed out. Ella shook her head in disbelief as he gave Simon a play-by-play of their entire night. "Thanks Nolan," Simon said. "Um, and I did my homework." Nolan was cracking like a rat being interrogated by the police. Simon nodded before he turned and disappeared into the house. Ella stared over at Nolan shaking her head. "What?" he asked. "You did your homework?" Ella scoffed. "Seriously, what the hell? Are you scared of him or something?" She got in the car and folded her arms over her chest, still upset that Simon had gotten the upper hand. He no longer had a say so in her life. "He's our fucking professor. Why didn't you tell me Graham was your stepdad? Fuck, that was so trippy. And I wasn't scared, I was just nervous." "Same thing." "Oh man," he said, wiping his hand over his face before he backed out the driveway. At the theater, Nolan led her up the steps to the top row where they were tucked away in a corner. It wasn't until after the movie started, that she questioned his intentions. "Pay attention." She laughed and pushed his hands from her bare legs. "This movie is boring," he whined, pulling her face toward his for a kiss. He ran his tongue over her teeth before she pushed him away again. "Come on, Ella. Please?" She laughed again. He sounded like a little child wanting to open a Christmas gift early. "No, I like this movie." Ella turned her attention back to the screen and sipped her soda. A second later, she felt his hand moving up her leg again. She pulled her straw out of her drink and stabbed him with it. "Oww," he whispered, shaking his hand off. Ella giggled and returned the straw to her drink. She hadn't decided if she were going to sleep with Nolan. Although he was a good guy and she had already been with him twice before, she didn't always want to be that girl. And she was pretty sure that he knew she had been with his teammate, Bryan. Ella cringed thinking how that might look to him because no doubt Bryan had reported it to the entire team. And to think she had done it all to get back at Rebecca. She sighed and turned to find his eyes on her. He smiled then turned his attention back to the movie. She leaned her head against him as he wrapped his strong arm around her. He wasn't Simon, but he made her feel safe. ********** Simon Simon stared over at his wife's sleeping form. Once everyone had finally piled out of the house, he carried her to bed where they made love. Everything about her was so gentle and supportive, even during sex. The way she placed tender kisses all over his face and chest to the way she held him tightly against her body while he was on top. Every little action turned him on, so why wasn't it enough? Simon ran his hand down her side and rested it at the curve of her waist. He wasn't sure how long he had lain there staring at her back, trying to make sense of everything. He loved her, of that he was certain. She was everything he could have ever wanted in a woman. Her attributes were plentiful, much more than his. But if he held the perfect woman in his arms, why was he drawn to Gabriella? His life was spinning out of control. He wished he had a relationship with his father. He would call to ask him if this is what an early mid-life crisis was. But he hadn't had a conversation with his old man outside of a quick greeting before the phone was passed to his mother since the early nineties. And Patricia had never even met his folks, which was just fine with him. The morning he had gone back on his word and slept with Gabriella, he decided then that it really would be the last time. His self-control had broken for a moment, but he was on the right track again. It had officially been forty-eight hours since that morning and the last time he had touched Gabriella. That was a definite improvement over the past year. The longest until then had been one week. One week a few months back when he just couldn't take the deceit any longer. But as always, he broke. If he'd just kept it together then, he might have ended this cursed affair once and for all. He still remembered clearly how she had gotten to him. He tried to blame her, but he knew it was just as much his fault if not more. "Stay away from me, Gabriella," he had said when she cornered him in the kitchen. It had been seven days since he had last touched her skin. He hated seeing her in tears, but fuck if he could do anything about it. This double life was killing him. "I just wanted to talk to you," she said, her voice hoarse from crying. "I know you don't want me anymore, but you don't have to ignore me." "I'm not trying to ignore you, but I—I have to do this, okay?" He had desperately been praying Patricia would come home soon. She was at a baby shower. A shower that was about to cost him a happy marriage. Gabriella Ch. 02 After an afternoon of dodging Gabriella, he finally made it into the living room to watch TV. He had seriously considered leaving the house, but felt he needed to be stronger than that. His heart began to beat faster when she entered the room and sat down on the couch at the opposite end. They stayed that way for four shows until she slid down to the middle of the couch. He glanced at her but her eyes were glued to the TV. He sighed and looked away. She was sitting beside him by the middle of the fifth show and laced her fingers through his, forcing his attention to her. His eyes scanned hers before they searched her face. Her eyelashes were still wet and clumped together from her tears. Her nose had a slight red tint and her pillow soft lips were slightly parted. What the fuck was it about Gabriella Foster? Why did he seem to lose all common sense when he was with her? He stared at her for several minutes, trying to decipher this enigma. A part of him knew what it was. She would have been the perfect match for him when he was twenty and had the same 'don't fuck with me' and 'the world can kiss my ass' attitude. Actually, he was sure if they had known each other back then, they would have broken each other from fighting or sex. Simon couldn't figure out what they did more of. But Gabriella was fun, passionate, daring and when they were together, they seemed to appreciate life just a little bit more. She was a lot more like him than Patricia would ever be. Gabriella represented the things that excited and scared what was hiding inside him. But Patricia was the calming force he felt he needed in his life. "What are you thinking about?" she had asked, bringing him back from his observation of her face. "Purgatory." He watched as her brow furrowed. "Really, that's what you were thinking about the past five minutes you were staring at me." "Yep." Simon read the disappointment in her eyes. He released her hand and got up from the couch. He grabbed his keys and walked out of the door. He breathed in the crisp cool air of fall in North Carolina and looked out at the trees that had already turned golden. The wind ruffled his hair as he walked to his car, got in and drove until he reached the state line crossing into Virginia. Or...at least that's what Simon wished had happened. Instead he leaned over and kissed Gabriella, pushing her back onto the sofa and slaking his lust for her again, reigniting the affair and the months of mental turmoil that haunted him even now as he lay next to Patricia. Simon stared up at the ceiling, his ears fixed on the moment Gabriella walked back into the house. He sighed and rested an arm over his face, trying hard to block out the thought of driving by 8653 Pinehurst Avenue. There'd be no sleep until he heard her footsteps. Forty-eight hours down, God knows how many years to go. ********** Patricia The garage was door open when Patricia pulled into the driveway and one of Simon's bikes was gone. She always got so nervous when he rode them. He had told her of his accident years ago and she couldn't imagine ever wanting to purposely ride one after such a horrific ordeal. But given all the tension in the house since her birthday dinner two days ago, he probably craved peace. She found her daughter sitting on the couch with a notebook in her lap. Ella glanced at her for a second before she went back to her work. Patricia stared at the side of her daughter's face. Ella really was a beautiful girl. A natural beauty, despite all the makeup she sometimes wore. "Hey, baby," Patricia said, removing her scarf and placing her bag on the floor. "Hey." "What are you studying?" She leaned over Ella's shoulder, trying to get a glimpse of the text book. "Biology." Always one word. Never any complete sentences that would really express anything about her mood or how she was doing. Hey, bye, yes, no, okay, maybe, fine, whatever...those were the only words Patricia ever heard tumble out of her mouth. Well, at least the only words she had reserved for her. Simon would at least receive complete sentences at times. "Well, let me know if you need any help." "Sure." Sure...that was another one. Patricia sat down on the couch opposite Ella and leaned her head back. Every day became more difficult to deal with her boss's endless demands and the unpredictable hours. She had figured after a few years that feeling would go away. But it hadn't. She hated everything about that cursed place with exception of Myra. Myra kept her sane amidst the homicidal thoughts. She rubbed her temples and looked at Ella again. "Hey, I was thinking you and I should have like a girl's night out or something." Ella raised a brow. "Why?" Patricia half expected that response. She and Ella rarely ever spent any time together. She was busy with work and evenings were spent with Simon. Ella was left to do as she pleased and live her life. Half the time Patricia didn't even know where she was or who she was with, but Simon was adamant about knowing. "Well, it's been a while since we actually talked." "What do you want to talk about?" Ella asked with a skeptical look. "Well, how's school going?" "Okay." "Is there a special guy?" Patricia asked. Ella hesitated. "Sort of." "Well, good, that's the sort of thing we can talk about in more detail. Maybe next weekend?" Ella didn't answer her. Instead, she pulled her book into her lap and began reading. The conversation was apparently over. Patricia retreated to the kitchen, dropped her head in her hands and shut her eyes. She needed Simon. He always knew what to say or do to make her feel better. To drag her out of these moods of hopelessness. Her eyes flew open when she heard the roar of his motorcycle, as if her thoughts had conjured him out of thin air. She smiled and rushed to the door leading into the garage. "Hey handsome," she yelled as he backed the motorcycle in with his legs. He nudged the kickstand down and hopped off. "Hey beautiful." He smiled before he wrapped her in his arms. "How was work?" Patricia scoffed. "Is it ever anything other than terrible?" "Now that I think about it, no, I guess it isn't," he stated with a laugh. He patted her on the rear as he walked around her and into the kitchen. "I brought dinner home. Chinese, hope that's okay." "More than, I'm starving." Patricia followed, the smell making her tummy growl. "Hey Ella, want to come in here and get something to eat?" "Not hungry," she heard her yell from the living room. Patricia shook her head as she opened the brown paper bag. "Is she really not hungry or does she not want it because I let her know it was here." She sighed and slammed the carton of noodles down on the counter with more force than she had intended. She turned to her husband, who had stopped opening the containers to look at her. "What's wrong?" he asked. Patricia gave a weak smile. "Nothing really. Probably just tired." Simon pulled her toward him and hugged her tightly, kissing the top of her head. Patricia closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. Being in his arms was her favorite place. She felt she could shut everything else out as long as he held her. She felt her body wilt against his as a small sob escaped from her throat. "Hey, hey," he said, pulling her back to look in her face. She tried to turn away from him, but he gripped her chin, forcing her to look right as a tear slid down her cheek. "Honey, what's wrong?" Patricia shook her head. She didn't want to burden him with several things after he just walked in the house. "No, tell me," he insisted. She bit her bottom lip and glanced toward the living room. "She hates me." Patricia felt like the world's worst mom for having to admit that to her husband. "No, she doesn't," he said. "She's just immature and like a lot of people, she takes her mother for granted. But she doesn't hate you." "I feel like I missed out on so much of who she is due to work and—I don't know, just other stuff while she was growing up. Simon, I really was never there for her. And now she's a stranger and it's all my fault," Patricia said, trying to keep her voice low for fear of Ella hearing. "You do know her. And you can't beat yourself up over trying to make a better life for you and Gabriella. Who you need to beat up is Rodney for making this so fucking difficult for you. I don't mind volunteering myself for that, just so you know," he said making her laugh. "What would I do without you, Simon?" Patricia asked, hugging him tighter. "God, you're the absolute best." He stiffened as he whispered, "I'm not that great, honey." "Well, I think you are." "Then I guess that's all that matters." ********** Gabriella Ella twirled the noodles packed inside the white carton box while her mom and Simon talked. She hadn't planned on joining them, but he peeked into the living room, giving her the death glare if she didn't get her ass up and come eat dinner with her mother. Truth be told, she'd rather be getting a root canal than sit at the table as if they were a happy family. She snorted out loud at the idea. When she looked up, they were both staring at her. One quizzical, one irritated. Ella looked back down at her food. "Well, I guess I should tell you that I have to fly to Atlanta on Thursday." Ella glanced up at her mother and then to Simon who had stopped mid bite. "What?" he asked. "Sam needs me to go in his place. Just meeting with some clients," her mom said. "How long?" Simon asked, dropping his chopsticks down. Her mom stuffed several noodles in her mouth. "Well, I have meetings with the clients on Thursday and Friday and then they are throwing this large get-together on Saturday night. But I can be back on Sunday morning." Ella noticed Simon glance at her for a split second before he turned back to her mom. "Do you really have to?" Ella watched Simon's face, which was slowly turning red. "Yeah, I'm sorry baby. I can't get out of this one." Her mom took another bite completely oblivious to how desperate Simon sounded. She also seemed to be the only one with an appetite. A silence formed over the table as Ella observed Simon. He purposely avoided eye contact with her. He leaned toward her mom. "Well, maybe I could go with you?" Was he that desperate to be away from her? Ella watched the two closely. "What?" her mom asked, her lips curving into a curious smile. "Yeah, I can try to get off. I don't know if I can, but I'll try." "Simon, it's just Atlanta. Not like its some vacation place." "I know, but still..." he trailed off, standing up and tossing his carton into the trash. He turned around and leaned against the counter. "Well, I'd love it if you could," her mom admitted, smiling from ear to ear. Ella's stomach turned as a lump formed in her throat. Simon was really serious this time. It was actually over. She tried to eat, but her food had lost its taste. He was done with her. She stood up and walked out before either of them could see the wetness forming at the corner of her eyes. ********** Simon "Frances, are you kidding me? All I'm asking is for Thursday and Friday. Not a two week paid vacation or anything." Simon was desperate. He could not stay in the house Thursday, Friday and Saturday alone with Gabriella. There was just no way in hell. He felt weak for having to admit that to himself, but no sense in tempting it. No more than you would tempt a recovering drug addict by leaving them in a house full of cocaine. He watched as Frances leaned back in her chair. She was a frail older woman on the surface but a hammer underneath. Simon and another professor, Jacob Felderman often joked that she was in the military with a specialty in torture in a former life. She pushed her wispy blondish red hair behind her ear. "If I let you get off, then I have to let other faculty members off because I can't show favoritism. And even though you are a favorite, I still can't let you off. Look, you knew at the beginning of the semester that we were having our big faculty meeting on Friday with the president." Simon couldn't believe this. If Frances only knew what she was about to subject him to, she would have mercy on his poor twisted soul. He knew it wasn't her problem, but he just needed help. Just this one time. "But Jenkins is getting off." He hated dropping names, but he was beyond desperate. She removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes. "And that's because Jenkins asked me before the meeting was scheduled due to his son's soccer championship. He's the only one getting a pass." "Fuck." "Sorry Simon, I wish I could help you. I mean, jeez, she's just going to Atlanta. Wouldn't you rather save those days for Hawaii or something?" Simon leaned back in his chair and wiped a hand down his face, mentally exhausting every excuse in the book until he thought of his last card. It was a dirty card, but hey, everyone had used it before. "Well, I could always get deathly sick, you know." "Yeah, and you could also work at a community college next year." Simon stared at her. He knew she wasn't bluffing. Although he was a favorite of hers because he liked to give the administration hell from time to time, which she found amusing, but she wasn't above firing him. At times she seemed to have no heart and she was not the one to fuck with. He stood up and walked to the door. "Okay, thanks anyway." ********** Patricia "Are you okay?" Patricia asked Simon for the second time, as she stared down at her hand. The same hand he had refused to let go of the entire trip to the airport. From the moment they had gotten up that morning, he hadn't spoken a word. He had sat at the breakfast table in a daze and wasn't his usual upbeat self. He simply nodded to her question, the second nod she had received that morning. Normally she could tell by his eyes, but they were shielded by sunglasses. She glanced out of the window at the large jets to the left of her before turning her attention back to him. Her flight would be taking off in an hour and a half. She wasn't looking forward to this trip, but at least this meant her boss didn't think she was a complete imbecile since he was letting her go in his place. But it still didn't lessen the fact that she despised him. "It's only three days, Simon, and then I'll be back. Although you missing me already, really turns me on." She smiled at him but his mouth remained in a grim, straight line. She looked in the back seat where Ella appeared to be asleep, leaning her head against the window with earphones growing out of her ears like strange white vines. This would be the longest that Patricia had ever left the two of them together and she prayed that the house would be standing when she got back. She was scared to think of how bad their arguments could get without her stepping in to referee. When they pulled up to her gate at Departures, Simon got out and grabbed her bag from the trunk, while she tapped on the backseat window. Ella rubbed her eyes and opened the door. She stood up and stretched, her shorts rising even further up and her stomach exposed. But that wasn't her argument; she would let Simon handle that one. "Bye baby," Patricia said, wrapping her arms around her daughter. But she was surprised to find that Ella now stood an inch or so taller than her. She hadn't noticed that before. "Bye." Ella gave a quick hug back then maneuvered out of her grasp and hopped into the front passenger seat. Patricia sighed and turned to Simon. He placed her bag on the curb and pulled his sunglasses up. He still had the same gloomy expression as this morning. Actually, he had worn that look since he found out he wouldn't be able to join her. She walked to the curb and locked her arms around him, loving the hardness of his chest which always gave her a special tingle. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asked again, turning her face up to him. "Yeah, I'm okay." Patricia felt a twinge in her stomach. She knew he wasn't okay, but she couldn't stay out of fear of losing her job. No matter how much she hated it, times were too tight to be unemployed. But this wasn't normal behavior for Simon. She wondered if it had anything to do with school. Or maybe he and Ella had fought about something she wasn't aware of. She looked back at the car to find Ella staring in their direction. But she was now sporting her sunglasses as well, so she could have been sleeping. "Okay. Well I'll call you as soon as I land. I know you'll be in class, but I'll leave a message." Patricia kissed. "I wish I didn't have to leave," she whispered against his mouth. His arms tightened around her. "Me too." ********** Gabriella Ella pulled her shades down over her eyes and pretended to be asleep as she watched Simon and her mom say goodbye. Her mother turned to walk away, but Simon held onto her hand and pulled her back. He whispered something in her ear, but Ella wasn't sure. Her mom kissed him again before turning and walking away, dragging her bag behind her. She watched Simon as he watched her mom enter into the airport. He stood there for a few more seconds before a horn honked behind her, causing her to jump. She looked back through the rearview window and stuck up her middle finger at the impatient driver. The driver honked the horn again, but this time she saw Simon walk around to the driver's side and look back at the guy. "Fuck you, prick. Move around the Goddamn car!" Simon shouted. Ella had to contain a giggle. This was the Simon she knew. He never would have done that in front of her mom. When she was around, he had to be on his best behavior, which further irritated Ella. Her mom didn't know him like she did. She didn't see the Simon that would cut people with a look or a word. Or use the word Goddamn, since her mother hated it. Or liked it rough between the sheets. No, her mother only knew this image he was pretending to be half of the time and why...Ella had no clue. Who would want to live only showing a glimpse of who they really were? But a small part of Ella was scared that if he ever revealed that darker side to her mother, that maybe she would love it, much like Ella had loved it. And if Simon could be himself around her mother, he'd have everything he ever wanted and there'd be no need for her. The car honked one more time before jetting around them. "Way to pick a fight at eight-thirty in the morning," Ella said. It was a veiled reference to that morning almost a week ago when he told her they were through. He slammed the car door shut and never looked at her once as they drove to her prison of a school. It was the cruelest déjà vu. ********** Simon Simon hadn't bothered asking Gabriella if she needed a ride home from school. She'd find someone to chauffer her, which for once he was glad. He needed to escape from the house before she returned home. Steven's seemed like the perfect refuge, regardless of it being Thursday and only four in the afternoon. He needed to wear himself out so his brain would quit functioning. Maybe an intense game of football or basketball would help. He grabbed an apple and held it between his teeth while he searched the fridge for a soda. "Where are you going?" Simon vaulted upright, dropping his Coke on the floor and biting into the apple. "Jesus fucking Christ." His heart skipped a beat. "What are you doing home?" "It's four, I'm usually home at this time." She walked around him and sat down at the kitchen table. "Since you always ask me, I want to ask you. Where are you going?" "Um, to Steven's." Simon picked up the soda and closed the refrigerator door. Gabriella Ch. 02 "Can I come?" "No." He grabbed the duffel bag full of workout clothes and rushed out of the house. Distance was his only defense against her. Simon made it to Steven's condo in record time and spent the first twenty minutes gulping down beers. "Jesus, dude, slow down. I haven't seen you drink this much since the Giants won the Superbowl." Simon ignored his friend and continued to chug his drink. "Women problems?" He pulled the bottle from his mouth. "You have no idea." "Well, no man should drink alone. Pete and Tek will be over later. And just so you know, I plan on getting shit faced tonight, so you will need to cab it home." Simon gave him a half salute then twisted the top off another beer. A few hours and several beers later, loud knocks sounded at the door and his other good friends came barreling through with food and more importantly, alcohol. They settled in to watch a boxing match on pay-per-view. It wasn't anyone really big and Simon didn't even keep up with boxing, but the action kept his mind from the two women in his life, each driving him crazy in their own way. "Patterson is fucking tired, man," Steven announced, placing his feet on the coffee table. "Are you kidding me? You know nothing about boxing," Pete argued, staring incredulously at Steven. They were all used to Steven spouting out shit that didn't really make sense. And the man had no filter. It didn't matter if it was a kindergarten class, a boss or an eighty-year-old next door neighbor. Most people found him obnoxious, but it just made him endearing to their group. "Because it's not a real art form. It's just punching someone in the face and abs. Oh, that takes a lot," Steven mocked before he got up to grab another beer. "Now mixed martial arts, see there, art is in the fucking name because it's an art form. Liz is always trying to get you to get into the arts, take her to one MMA match. Show her a man's art." "Yeah, and my wife would more than likely divorce me," Pete answered. Pete's relationship with his wife Liz had always been a hot topic of conversation. No one in their group could understand why he married her. She was, well, in no other terms, a bitch. She had his schedule on lock. He had exactly fifteen minutes to get home from work, or else he wouldn't hear the last of it. She had the passwords to all of his email and voicemail accounts and he was only allowed to hang out with his friends twice a month. Today counted as day number one. "Even still, chicks secretly dig that shit. I bet you Liz would be all over your package if you played a couple of those videos for her," Steven insisted. "It's surprising that you're still single, Steven," Tek chimed in. "By choice." "Bullshit," Pete yelled. "Fuck," Steven said when a knock sounded at the door. "This better not be Angela." Pete hopped up to grab another drink as well. "Who's Angela?" "Don't ask," Steven grumbled as he walked to the door. Simon chuckled and stared back at the TV. Being here was definitely doing the trick. He wasn't sure what he could do tomorrow to occupy his time, but he was thinking. "Well, surprise, surprise gentlemen," he heard Steven say behind him. Simon looked upside down over the back of the couch to see caramel legs. His eyes scanned up to Gabriella's face. He must've sat upright too fast because he felt a jolt to his brain. He shook it off and turned around to make sure he had seen what he thought he had. "Hey guys," she waved before she looked right at him. Simon's eyes quickly drank in her outfit, which wasn't the same one that she had worn earlier that morning. Instead she opted for another short dress that exposed too much skin. "Ella, it's been a while." Pete walked over to give her a hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck in the same flirtatious manner she always displayed. "I know. How are you?" She pulled back from him and smiled. "Oh, well—" "What are you doing here?" Simon interrupted. Gabriella and Pete turned toward him. "I was bored. And I knew you were over here. I hope you guys don't mind." "Actually, we do." "Have a heart Tin Man. I'm cool with it. Nice to have a lady join us, especially if it's not Pete's wife," Steven joked. "Screw you," Pete said, as Tek laughed. "Oh, pardon me Ella." "It is true man, your wife, I swear, she makes me never want to get married," Tek teased. "And screw you too." Pete apologized again and sulked as he turned his attention to the match. "But I just hope we're not too vulgar for you," Steven said, leading her towards the sofa. "I'm sure I can handle it." Simon kept his eyes on her as she walked over and sat down beside him. He took another sip of his drink and shook his head. "So, what's new Ella?" Steven asked. "Nothing really. School is boring." "Simon's class too?" "Sadly, yes." She turned to smile at him. Steven slapped his leg. "I told him back in college all that history shit was boring." "As opposed to running numbers all day," Simon said, poking fun at Steven's accountant job. Although he was the lead accountant for the largest law firm in the entire state and made more money than all of them. "What can I say, I'm about quantity." "Oh, we know. The women you bring here show us that much," Tek joked. As their banter continued, Simon felt uneasy with her so close. He feared she'd say or do something that would awaken suspicion in their group. Or maybe he feared he'd give himself away with a look or touch. People usually saw the thin line between lust and loathing. Simon grew restless as the match was no longer enough to keep his attention. Even after Steven put in a DVD of an Ultimate Fighting Championship, he felt his mind was slowly unraveling. And Gabriella's less than subtle glances weren't helping. He stood up and wobbled in a semi-straight line down the hall to Steven's second bedroom turned game room to round out the ultimate bachelor pad. He snatched the darts from the board and walked backwards. In college he had won several bets with this game. Everything from money to girls making out with each other. It really wasn't as hard as everyone thought. It just took concentration and consistency, two things he used to have in spades. Gabriella had fucked that up. He fired all of the darts, just missing the bull's eye each time. He went back to the board to remove them again, when he heard Gabriella clear her throat. Is God punishing me? She walked into the room and leaned against the wall. "You're pretty good at that." "I'm alright." Simon refused to look at her. Each look would be tempting his fate. "Hey, there you are," Steven said, barging through with two beers in his hands. "Oh shit, he's got the darts going. Ella, we made so much money hustling dummies in college. Do you play?" "No, I've never thrown a dart." "What? Not even one of those awful Nerf darts?" "Nope. There weren't many games when I was growing up." "Oh, well we have to correct that right now. Simon, you game? Although, to make this fair, we have to give him a handicap. What's it gonna be?" "Shots!" Pete called out as he and Tek entered the room. Simon glanced at them and then at Gabriella who was smiling from ear to ear. "Shots it is," Steven said, walking out of the room. "Are we at a frat party?" Simon asked, shaking his head. He seriously needed to leave. "Why, are you scared you'll lose to a girl? No offense Ella," Tek said. "None taken. Besides, I'm about to kick his ass." Simon turned to her and raised an eyebrow. This might very well be a trap, but she'd challenged him and he'd never been one to back down. "I'm not going to be easy on you just because it's your first time." She smiled even bigger and he mentally chastised himself for phrasing his threat that way. "I wouldn't want it any other way," she replied. When Steven returned, he handed Simon the first shot which he tossed back. He aimed the dart and nailed it close to the center ring. He took another shot and threw again, getting even closer. By the third shot, he hit bull's eye. "Fu—damn, how do you do that?" Steven asked in amazement. "I'm pretty sure you'd blow way pass the legal limit." "Piece of cake." Although everything had gotten blurry. "Okay, Ella, your turn." Steven handed her three darts and pushed her closer to the target. "What the hell? I'm taking shots and standing further back," Simon complained. "Ah, quit being a pussy—shit, sorry Ella. Anyway, just aim and throw." The first dart landed nowhere near the center. The second one came a little closer and the third one hit right near Simon's first dart. "Oh, good job. But clearly Simon needs another handicap. Hmm..." Simon watched as Steven scratched his head. "Make him close his eyes," Pete slurred. "I know one," Gabriella said. She approached and stood directly in front of him, so close she had to tilt her head back to look into his eyes. He could have sworn that no one was breathing in that exact moment. Or at least he wasn't. And that is what he feared, that she would go too far and give them away. Pete and Tek chuckled behind him, likely oblivious to what Gabriella was doing. But Steven, who stood off to the side, watched with a curious gaze and a smirk. Shit. Simon shook his head, grabbed another shot from the table and downed it. This entire night had become a train wreck. With the top of Gabriella's head only reaching his chin, he had a clear view of the target. But her presence was making his head throb and his dick rise. His thoughts raced. His concentration waned. The room shrunk and his skin was on fire. He bent his neck to the right then left until he heard a crack, hoping to relieve some tension. Without another thought, he glanced at her again just as she crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue. A chuckle escaped his mouth throwing him off balance as he threw the dart. "Nice job!" Steven clapped and high-fived Gabriella when the dart didn't even hit the board. Instead it was buried an inch to the left in the wall. "In my book, that's an automatic DQ." "Funny face will do it every time," she responded. Simon stared at the wall for a few seconds longer before he turned to grab a beer from the table. "Nice," he said to her. The others congratulated her on distracting him as he walked out. It wasn't that he was being a bad sport, although he hated to lose...but he had to get away from her. It was too obvious how much she affected him and no doubt at least one of them had picked up on it. He just prayed that they were all too plastered to care. Simon walked out onto Steven's balcony that overlooked the city. Very different from the quiet suburbs where he lived. Above, stars lit up the sky's dark canvas. Several people sat around the pool below laughing and drinking. He hadn't given it much thought, but since he moved to North Carolina years ago, he had preferred its contrast to the hustle and bustle of New York. The fall air provided a welcome chill against his sweaty skin. He plopped into a reclining chair and popped the top off his whatever number beer. He sighed when he heard Steven shout his name. He just needed some peace and quiet right now; something his good friend was incapable of providing. "There you are." Steven leaned against the railing and peered down at him before he burst out laughing. Simon didn't bother asking him what was so funny. He knew Steven would tell him whether he wanted to know or not. "Man, I don't envy you being a step-dad to that girl," Steven said, pulling out a pack of cigars, offering him one. "She's um, definitely a handful. Doesn't really take after her mother much, does she?" "Not really," Simon said, accepting the cigar and lighting it. Their ritual had always been to smoke cigars during a 'guy's night out' type of thing, a tradition they started in college. He assumed it was some fascination to look cool, which turned into something they actually enjoyed. But since Simon had met Patricia, he had lessened his participation since she didn't like smokers. Never mind that her daughter smoked. "Speak of the devil," he heard Steven whisper. "Hey Ella, come on out here." She leaned against the banister beside Steven. She stared at Simon and he stared back, no longer caring who was watching within this smaller group. It was amazing how uninhibited alcohol made him. When she finally broke her gaze, she turned to Steven. "Can I try?" she asked. "Sure, as long as your dad is okay with it." Steven joked, removing another cigar from his case, when she pulled the one from his mouth and placed it between her lips. She inhaled and blew out, before smiling back at him. A slow grin appeared on Steven's face. "Well, fuck me. Seems like you're a pro." "I'm good at a lot of things, Steven," she said. Simon squeezed his bottle. Steven gave a sideways glance to him. "Like darts." "Exactly," Gabriella answered. "See, you would have been a good friend of mine back in college," Steven said. "Or Simon's." Gabriella shook her head and blew out a cloud of smoke before she looked at him. "I doubt Simon and I would have gotten along." "Oh, you'd be surprised. Sure he's all uptight and stuff like Mister Rogers now, but back then—oh shit! I need to tell you a story." Steven's drunken laughter crackled around them, making Simon's stomach twist and turn. His buddy had way too many stories of him from school. "Seriously, I swear I almost pissed myself. Okay, it was our senior year and I came back to my room after this crazy party. I mean the kind where you don't even remember going, that's how fuc—messed up I was." "Oh, fuck me. Shut the hell up. Don't tell her that," Simon said. "Anyway, I came back to my room and when I opened the door I noticed his cover was pulled up and over him. But I also noticed blond hair hanging over the side of the bed. I was like, yes, my boy is awesome, he always scores." "Seriously Steven, I really want to kick your ass right about now. Will you shut the fuck up?" "No, I want to hear." Gabriella smiled at him and turned her attention back to Steven. "So anyway, the blonde wakes up, naked I might add and starts putting on her clothes. Me, I'm trying to camouflage myself while this hottie is dressing. But when she walks out, I'm about to open my mouth and what do I see?" Simon stared at his friend who was completely cracking up, while he was cringing. "Dude, I swear..." his threat trailing off as he covered his face. "I see a brunette lift her head from the other side of him! I was like, 'I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy'. He became a legend in my eyes that day," Steven said. Simon shot his friend a glacier look. "Asshole. Thanks for telling my stepdaughter about my colorful past. That's just great." Steven chuckled. "Ah man, quit trying to be so fucking perfect and have some fun. Kids today have done everything and more that we did in college. Hate to break it to you, but you're no angel and I bet she's not either, are you Ella?" Gabriella stubbed out the cigar. "No comment." "Yeah, we would have been good friends," Steven said with a smile. The splashing sounds coming from the pool spared them an awkward silence. Just barely. "Okay, I'm heading in. If by chance I'm passed out on the floor when you two leave, don't wake me." Steven stood up and stretched. "A pleasure as always," he said, kissing the back of Gabriella's hand. "Make sure Mister Rogers gets home safe." "Likewise and I will," she answered. And now Simon was alone with her again. "I didn't know you smoked cigars. Or had threesomes." "There's a lot you don't know about me." He openly gazed at her legs and up her body to her eyes. "Like what?" Simon stubbed out his cigar. "I'm going home." He stood up and walked back into the condo. "You can't drive," she said, following behind him. "I'll call a cab." "Why? I'll drive you." "Because, I don't want you near me." He hadn't meant for it to come out so harshly. "I just mean, I think it's best if you drive my car and I catch a cab." Even in his mind, it sounded like a hassle, but he just wasn't thinking clearly, or maybe he was thinking too clearly. "Or, you could lie down in the backseat while I drive you home." She reached around him and grabbed his keys from his pocket, her hand lingering there a little longer than what he felt comfortable with. "Fine." His brain finally shut down. ********** Gabriella When Ella finally pulled into their driveway, she glanced in the back seat where Simon lay sprawled out and snoring. When she woke him up he got out and stumbled to the front door, dropping the keys twice before she intervened. Once inside he took off down the hallway. "Simon," she called after him. "Leave me alone, Gabriella." "But—" "Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone," he repeated as he entered his bedroom and shut the door. Ella sat in the living room, wondering if she should check on him. She removed her shoes and folded her legs underneath her, Indian style. It was only ten—way too early for bed. She thought of calling Nolan to come over, but figured Simon wouldn't be in the best mood after a hangover and seeing someone else there would only worsen it. He might still be trying to ignore her, but she didn't want to piss him off. At least not with everything so fragile between them. She tried to watch TV, but boredom got the best of her and she headed towards his room. She didn't bother knocking. Instead, she quietly opened his door and smiled. He lay across the bed on his stomach, his clothes and shoes still attached to his body. "Simon?" she whispered. No answer. She walked into the room and switched on the bedside lamp. His face was turned away from her but she wanted to touch him. She hadn't felt his touch in a week. She removed his shoes and crawled up the bed to straddle his back. "What the hell?" he groaned, looking back at her. He dropped his head back down and sighed. "Gabriella, get the fuck off me." His voice was thick with sleep. She rubbed her hands together to warm them up before she slid them underneath his shirt. He jumped at her touch. "I wanted to give you a massage." "I don't want a massage and you know how I feel about you being in our bedroom." He tried twisting around, but she clenched her thighs together, keeping him in place. His inebriation was no match for her. "Everyone wants a massage, Simon." "I'm not everyone. Move." She ignored his command as she continued to rub over his shoulders and down his back. His muscles felt tense and hard beneath her hands, bringing back memories of when they had made lo—well had sex. She would wrap her arms around him, caressing his strong back while he rolled his hips between her legs. "Gabriella?" she heard him ask. "Yeah." "Would you do this for your dad?" Ella's hands froze. "Ew! God no, that's disgusting." "Okay, that gag reflex you just had...think of me that way too." But then he moaned. She had finally gotten him to relax. "Well, you and I both know I don't have a gag reflex." He tensed again. "Son of a bitch," he muttered. "I'm kidding, Simon. Besides you're not my dad so lighten up." "Sorry, I find it hard to see the humor in this situation. You know, hurting someone who doesn't deserve it." Ella began kneading his lower back, concentrating on particular muscles. "You don't know my mom like I do." She heard him chuckle. "Oh yeah, the evil conniving bitch that you seem to think she is." "I don't think that about her. It's just that you make her out to be some perfect being and she's not. I mean...nevermind." Ella continued to apply just the right amount of pressure to his body, drawing more moans from him. "Anyway, did you know I had taken a massage class? Two in fact. I was thinking maybe one day I could be a masseuse. What do you think of that?" Gabriella Ch. 02 "I think you'd make a lot of money." Ella paused for a moment, before she pinched his side. "Ow, what the hell?" He turned around and looked at her, his eyes still bloodshot. "What's that supposed to mean?" She rested her hands on her hips waiting for his response. "Huh?" Then he closed his eyes and laid his head back down. "Gabriella, I didn't mean anything bad by that, I just meant that you're good at it." "Oh." She was so used to picking out the double entendre in people's words that sometimes genuine compliments escaped her. "Sorry." A few moments of silence passed before Simon spoke again. "What did you mean by your mom's not perfect?" "Nothing." "No, tell me." "Well, you know, some of those times when she was gone, she wasn't working. She just didn't come home. I'm not supposed to know that though." Ella slid her hands down his sides. "I mean, it's not like my birth was exactly planned out, you know. I think in college when plans fell through with my dad, she didn't know what to do with me." She ran her hands back up. "Still doesn't," she whispered. More silence passed before he spoke. "How do you know she wasn't working?" "Well, I got sick once and my school called her job and they said she had left hours ago. So, they called her other one and they said she wasn't on the schedule for that day. But then that night when she came home, she said she was exhausted from work. I asked if she went to both jobs and she said yes and they kept her late. I never told her I knew the truth. I didn't see what the point was. But that wasn't the only time I caught her in that lie. But who cares." Simon's hand brushed against her leg. "Well, sure your mom may have made some mistakes in the past, but that's no reason not to love her. I'd like to think that people shouldn't be judged so much by their past actions as opposed to present ones." Ella thought about it for a moment before she opened up a sore wound. "Do you forgive your dad's past actions?" When he didn't answer, she assumed he was ignoring her or he had fallen asleep. She continued to rub his back when she finally heard him answer. "No," he said softly. "So then don't judge me. Besides, I'm not blaming her for anything." But Ella knew they both were ready to change the subject of parents and their mistakes. "Jeez, you're so tense." "Can't possibly imagine why." Ella laughed. She was about to stop when his cell phone vibrated beside her leg. She checked the ID then answered it. "Hello?" she said to her mom. "No, you called the right phone. Hold on." She placed the phone to his ear. "Yeah," he answered groggily. But then two seconds later he pushed himself up, bucking Ella from his back. "Honey? Oh, hey, um, sorry, I didn't know it was you!" She laughed when she hit the bed, and he quickly leaned over her, placing his hand to her mouth. "Um, yeah, I don't know why she decided to answer my phone." He stared down at her, his eyes shooting daggers at her. "No, we were just watching a movie and I dozed off." He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head as if he couldn't bear another lie. Their entire relationship was a lie. But at that moment, she felt like fucking with him. She writhed beneath him. He held the phone between his shoulder and his ear while he wrapped his other hand around her wrists and pinned them to her chest. 'Stop,' he mouthed to her. "What? That's great, I'm so happy. I mean, not that you flew out there for nothing, but that I can pick you up tomorrow morning instead of Sunday." Ella stopped moving. Her mother was coming back two days early. "Honey, that's great. I'll be at the airport at ten. I love you too. Goodnight. I'm glad you called. Okay, bye." He shut his phone and removed his hand from her mouth. He stared down at her, his eyes scanning over her face and then further down her body. Her pussy tingled from the weight of him. When his eyes captured hers, she saw something flash in them. But before she could act on it, he released her wrists and quickly hopped off the bed and entered the bathroom. Ella lay still on the bed and listened to the sound of water splashing about. Seconds later she heard Simon shout, "Fuck, that's cold!" She would have laughed had she not remembered how his face lit up from news of her mother's early return. She didn't know which bothered her more...that her mother was coming back early or that Simon was so happy about it. She slipped beneath the covers when she heard the shower turn off. Seconds later the bathroom door opened and steam swept over her. She heard him sigh as he pulled open the dresser drawer. She assumed he was sliding on underwear, and she almost chanced a peek. Not that she hadn't seen it all. "Gabriella, get up," he whispered. She didn't move a muscle as she pretended to sleep. She felt the sheets fall away from her body as he entered the bed. He tapped her shoulder. "Gabriella?" She still didn't budge, although her heart raced. Ella figured he thought she wanted sex, but she didn't. She just wanted to be close to him. To feel like she was important in his life. The bed dipped again and she watched his form walk out of the door with a pillow in hand. Fuck. She lay there for a few minutes, wondering how everything had spun so out of control. She was in love with Simon. No other word described her crazy emotions. But she also didn't want him to sleep on the couch just because she couldn't control herself. She didn't want to be a nuisance. She got up and walked into the living room. He was about to sit down when he saw her. "Don't," he said, holding up a hand. "I just wanted to tell you that you can have the bed. I'm going to my room." He looked at her skeptically. "Goodnight, Simon." She walked down the hall and into her room, quietly closing the door. If he really didn't want her, then she wasn't going to beg, no matter how much she wanted to. He wanted her mom and not her, so she would have to get over it. Ella lay at the foot of her bed, staring out of the window. She could get over it. She was strong. She had endured a lot in her nineteen years and she would survive this as well. Maybe she could start being more serious with Nolan. Hell, maybe they could even be a couple. But that thought didn't make her feel any better. Her entire body felt worn down and used. She felt like a fool for following him around today. Maybe she should move out. She would have to get a job and find a roommate, but perhaps that was the new start she needed. Ella heard a noise and glanced at the bottom of her door. She noticed a shadow. He was standing on the other side. She held her breath, wondering if he was going to come to her again. He had done it so many times before, seeking her out just as many times as she had gone to him. She knew if he did come in, she would welcome him like she had in the beginning. But she released her breath when his shadow passed. ********** Simon Simon's entire body ached the next morning, not to mention the splitting headache from his childish hangover. Most of the night was spent tossing and turning, his thoughts alternating between his wife and Gabriella. He felt weak. Not just physically due to the late night and alcohol, but mentally because of Gabriella. All of his life, he had prided himself on being an intelligent and logical man. But not one thing he had done over the past year would prove he possessed either of those qualities. And sure he liked risks, but usually they involved two wheels and speed. Now his risks had come in a five-foot-six ball of fire with an unbelievable body and a killer smile. A smile he was seeing less and less of due to their circumstances. Simon shook off the feelings, showered and dressed. He found Gabriella in the kitchen leaning over the counter, as she flipped through pages in a magazine. She glanced around at him and then back down. The last thing he wanted to notice was how her shorts and tank top showed off her tempting curves, a small waist and ample hips with legs that were long and toned. He poured a cup of coffee. "Thank you," he whispered when he remembered she didn't drink coffee and must have brewed it just for him. "Welcome." She didn't bother turning around but yet he couldn't take his eyes from her. His heart began beating faster and his skin tingled. God, in another lifetime... A few more second passed before she finally glanced up at him. He quickly looked away and took a sip from his cup. One hour to go and he'd have his wife back. One hour and he and Gabriella would no longer be alone. One hour... But a part of him felt restless. Like the hour wasn't long enough. His mind flashed thoughts of dragging Gabriella to the couch and fucking the hell out of her one last time. His dick stiffened. He sipped his coffee again as he went to sit down. "You coming with me to the airport?" he asked. "No." "Why not? Your classes were cancelled due to this fucking faculty meeting we're forced to attend." "I'm gonna watch Nolan practice today and then we're hanging out later." Simon felt it. The green-eyed monster gripped him. "Are you and this guy serious?" He stretched his jaw to keep from clamping his teeth together. She shrugged and turned the page. He stared at her back, his mind thinking thoughts that he had no business thinking. When she turned another page, the noise filled the room and jangled his nerves. She turned another. And another. Before he could stop himself and gain back any fucking sense, he stood and walked up behind her. He stared at the back of her neck, at the spot he had kissed a hundred times. He exhaled as he placed his hands on either side of her, locking her against the counter. He didn't know what the fuck he was doing, but he had to touch her. He watched the back of her head as she turned to each side looking down at his hands and then stood upright. He leaned his body into hers, swearing he could smell cinnamon. "Fuck, you make me crazy," he whispered, before his arms wrapped around her and his lips kissed the back of her neck. That sweet spot he couldn't get enough of. "Don't!" When she swung around in his arms, her ponytail smacked him in the mouth. Simon stepped back, pulling his arms away as if he had been electrocuted. He knew he was looking at her as if she was crazy, but he hadn't expected that response. She folded her arms across her chest and studied the floor. "You can't—you can't just make me want you and then when my mom is in the picture pretend I don't exist." Simon stared at her face. She was hurting. He felt like the biggest asshole in the world. Both she and Patricia deserved better. He honestly had nothing to say. He knew this day would come. The day when his constant schizophrenic behavior would push her away for good. He should have been happy about it, but his stomach ached and his chest tightened. He tried to take a step closer, but she jerked her head up, her eyes glassed over, which made him stop in this tracks. "I—I don't want you confusing me anymore. I'll leave you alone if you leave me alone. Deal?" she asked, as if he would ever be okay with it. But he knew she was doing the right thing, even though it hurt like a son of a bitch right now. "Deal," he whispered. She turned back around and continued to flip through the pages. He heard her sniffle but they were beyond faking it. He knew she was crying and he felt it best if he just left. But she had to know one more thing, because they may never get this chance to talk again. "Gabriella, I swear, I am truly sorry that I hurt you. I'll never forgive myself." With that said, he walked out of the house and hopefully out of his relationship with her for the last time. ********** Patricia "Mmm," Patricia moaned into Simon's mouth. She was so glad to be home, especially since the trip had been a complete waste of time. The clients that she was supposed to schmooze and booze turned out to be scatterbrained and ended up leaving on vacation the day after she arrived, swearing they thought the meeting was the following weekend. Of course, this information only came after she waited an hour and a half for drinks with them. But the weekend wasn't a total bust. The bellboy at the hotel she stayed at was flirtatious. So maybe turning forty wouldn't be so bad after all. But once the sweet flirtation turned into blatant hitting on, she flashed her wedding ring. He seemed to have gotten the message. Simon squeezed her against him, but she soon broke the kiss. He laughed as she nervously looked around, hoping no one had seen them. PDA wasn't exactly her thing. "I'm so glad you're back," he told her as he tossed her bag into the backseat and got in the car. "Oh, me too. Even though it was only for one day, I still missed sleeping beside you." "So did I, honey. So did I." Patricia reached over and rubbed his cheek. She laughed when he nuzzled it between his face and his shoulder. "What do you want to do today?" he said, when he drove out of the airport. Patricia leaned her head back and sighed. "I don't know. Don't you have work, like, right now?" she said looking at the time on the radio. "Actually, we have this boring ass meeting, but why don't you come with me? If you aren't too tired. You can sit in my office or wander around campus, if you promise not to get into trouble," he said, smirking at her. Patricia laughed. "Well, how long is it?" "I think it's only two hours. Then we can have lunch afterward and catch a movie or something. Kick off our Friday early. What do you say?" Even though she was completely beat from her twenty-four hour whirlwind travel, she had missed Simon and wanted to spend time with him. "I'd love to baby," she said, leaning over to kiss him again. When they arrived on campus, Simon gave her a quick tour of the recent renovations and then showed her to his office. It had been a while since Patricia had been in there. When they first met, she would surprise him with lunch. They'd stay in his office or find some empty lecture room where they'd eat and talk about what they wanted for the future. But over the years the practice had tapered off. At first he had complained about it, but in the past year or so, he hadn't mentioned their secret lunches so she didn't bother. Patricia sat behind his desk, feeling a bit claustrophobic. His office was immaculately clean but very tiny. It had to have been a broom closet before they redesigned the building. She looked up as he checked his watch. "Okay, be good or I'll have to punish you." Patricia's eyes widened. "Simon!" Her mouth curved up in shock and laughter. He usually didn't say things like that to her. "Sorry, sorry," he said, smiling before he walked out. He popped his head back in. "I'm giving this dude two full hours and then I'm out, regardless of what Frances says." "That a boy," Patricia joked. Simon narrowed his eyes at her and smiled again. She blew him a kiss, which he caught and walked away. She checked out his DVD rack and chose a random shoot 'em type of movie to watch. Simon's chair creaked and shifted awkwardly. She would remember to put that on her Christmas list. About halfway through the movie, she lost interest. Wandering around campus had to be more appealing than this. She loved being on campus. She wasn't able to have the full college experience since she ended up pregnant and had to drop out for a few months toward the end of her junior year. Too embarrassed to go back, she decided to switch to a smaller school where she finished out her higher education. Patricia grabbed a pen from a holder and began writing a note but the ink ran dry. In search of another pen, she opened his top drawer. The drawer opened wide enough to squeeze her hand in. She bent over and tried to see what was jamming it. "Come on," she said, pulling on it harder. But it wouldn't budge. She stood up and yanked it with all her strength, until the drawer flew out and hit the floor. "Oh, great." She placed the papers and supplies back in the drawer when something caught her eye. Beneath the papers that hadn't fallen out, lay a condom packaged in black and green. And then another and another. Her mouth fell open as she picked several of them up and stared in disbelief. She and Simon hadn't used condoms since they first moved in together. Her stomach wound in slow knots. She felt short of breath as she slid down to the floor, trying to ignore the pounding in her head. This couldn't be. "Oh my God, oh my God." She'd counted at least twenty packets. ********** Hope you all enjoyed chapter 2! Just want to give a shout out to Kaia (Tangledinyou) for being my muse, bff and more!! You're the shit, missy! Another thank you to the brilliant magician, August Bouvier for helping bring my words to life...and to nerd4music and SecretFantasy for their eyes and support. You ladies are wonderful! And thank you all for reading, voting and commenting...means so much and I hope to have chapter 3 out asap! Soular Gabriella Ch. 03 Gabriella Ella watched the steam roll off Simon's coffee cup. In a moment of insane weakness, she felt the urge to press the cup to her lips over the spot where his had rested only moments earlier. Had she made a mistake by pushing him away? Was she letting pride overrule happiness? Which was more important? Soon he'd arrive at the airport to pick up her mother and when he returned, he would pretend everything was great while she reverted back to being nothing more than a tenant in his home. Months ago that deal had been good enough. But something had changed. Her feelings for him consumed her, made her feel lost and she didn't know which path to follow. No one had ever affected her this way. She would never be the same person after him. The sound of the doorbell pulled her attention from the cup. Nolan. He was supposed to pick her up on his way to football practice—a practice he was already fifteen minutes late for. "I thought you would have by-passed me to get to practice on time," she said when she opened the door. Nolan gave her a quick onceover and smiled. "Coach cancelled practice. I'm all yours today." "Well lucky you." Ella smiled back, taking in his large boyish presence. His backward ball cap and full smile warmed her. Once inside, Nolan shook off his jacket. "I've never been in your place." "Well, I would give you a tour, but only one room matters," she said, showcasing her flirtatious smile as she led him down the hallway to her room. She didn't know how to classify their relationship but she did enjoy spending time with him. "Is that Mr. G's room?" Ella glanced at the door. Less than twelve hours ago she had lain in bed with him. She turned to Nolan. "Mr. G? Simon would ignore you if you ever called him that." Nolan laughed. "You don't think it sounds cool? And it's so weird you call him Simon." "Only in private," she said, pushing her bedroom door open. She shielded her face from Nolan as heat flushed through her cheeks. Simon... She had whispered that name many times in private, their bodies locked together. He told her he loved it when she cried out his name. "But I bet you get good grades from him." "Not really. He doesn't work that way. He's one of those 'hard work will take you further' types of people." "Oh, that sucks," Nolan said as he scanned her walls and touched the little trinkets her mother had given her throughout the years. His large frame seemed to dwarf everything in her bedroom. Ella wasn't sure if she liked that or not. "No it doesn't," she replied. "It's nice to have someone expect something of you." She tried to ignore his clumsiness as he knocked over two picture frames. One was a photo of her guidance counselor in middle school. Mrs. Meetchum, her 'other mother' who actually helped her when she needed it. Grades, boys, periods...all things that Ella had been unsure of and hesitant to ask her own mother. The second picture was the only one of Simon and her together. A waitress had snapped the shot at some cheesy Mexican themed restaurant for Simon's birthday. It was right after their affair had begun and neither of them had been smiling. Nolan shrugged. "Kinda of a bummer we don't have practice." Ella shook her head and stepped out of her shoes. "Why on earth are you pissed about not having to run in the cold until you pass out or throw up?" "Because it's fun." "Well, our ideas of fun are much different." She sat down on her bed and crossed her legs. Nolan flashed a devilish smile. "Well, maybe you need to show me what your idea of fun is," he whispered. She cocked her head to the side. "Maybe." He plopped down beside her. "That's promising." Lust brewed in his voice as he pulled off his shirt. He reached into his pocket and when his hand resurfaced, he was holding a condom. He bit down on packet, ready to tear it open. "Hey!" Ella said, placing her hand on his thigh. "That's not what I had in mind right now." She silently cursed herself for flirting so hard with him. Even though they had had sex in the past, she wanted to start their 'friendship' off the right way. They hadn't been intimate since they started hanging out. He paused, confusion displayed across his face. "Oh. I just thought—okay, sorry." He shoved the condom back in his pocket and pulled his shirt back on. Ella tried to think of something to say, but the mood had shifted. She sighed and leaned back. Why was she trying to take it slow when they hadn't started off that way? Maybe it didn't make sense to Nolan, but sleeping with a guy for the sake of boredom had lost its appeal. "Hey, wanna get high?" she heard him ask. She focused on the broken ceiling fan above her bed. Simon had promised he'd fix it one day while they were lying in bed together. She needed to forget him. Even if it was temporary. "Absolutely," she answered. ********** Simon The faculty meeting turned out to be more useless than Simon anticipated. His thoughts drifted from the University president's monotonous lecture to his conversation with Gabriella this morning. They were really going to end it. He wanted to shout from the roof tops that the spell had been broken, but all he felt was a knot forming in his chest, one that he tried to rub away, unsuccessfully. Being with her stirred the strangest feelings. Being beside her...inside her, had become his drug with relaxation and freedom being the unexpected side-effects. He tried to absorb every second because the inevitable moment would sneak up when he'd open his office door to, or roll off Gabriella's bed, or scoot out of the backseat of his car to let the rest of the world in. And when he did, he felt like the lowest human being on the planet because he had failed Patricia. Again. At the two hour mark, Simon slipped out of the back of the auditorium. Even Frances' raised brow didn't deter him. He tried to shake off his heavy mood as he reached his office. "Hey honey, I—" Patricia's stricken expression cut him off. "Is everything okay?" He glanced around his office to the DVD menu screen and then back at her. There was no hello-kiss or hug. "Are you okay?" he asked as he switched off the TV. "Yes. I'm just tired." She grabbed her handbag, never looking at him as she walked toward the door. "You ready?" Simon locked the door behind them and hurried to keep up with her as she strode down the corridor. "Hey Professor Graham!" he heard a woman call out behind him in the faculty parking lot. Patricia froze, causing him to bump into her. "Oh, hey Lydia," he replied while he caught Patricia by the waist, steadying her. "Who was that?" she asked as her eyes followed Lydia. "She's a student in my one of my classes," he explained. Her back tensed beneath his hand. "Are you sure you're okay?" "I'm fine," Patricia said in a flat tone. She flashed him a weak smile as he opened the passenger door for her. He got in and looked over at her as she fastened her seatbelt. "Would you rather go home instead of hanging out tonight?" Despite her reassurances, Simon sensed something was off. "Actually, I would rather go home now, if you don't mind. I don't feel so hot." "Whatever you want, honey," he told her as he brushed the back of his hand across her cheek. He frowned when she shrank back from his touch. They drove home in silence. ********** Gabriella Ella held the smoke in, hoping it would cleanse her mind from all other thoughts. She wanted to forget everything. The past year. Or the past nineteen years. Just let go and drift above the world in a peaceful state. "I bet you had a wild childhood," Nolan said, interrupting her attempt to float above herself. He was leaning against the headboard, his eyes cloudy as he smoked, something he clearly wasn't used to doing. "Me?" she asked innocently before she rolled onto her side. "Why on earth would you ever think that?" Nolan laughed. "Just a hunch." Wild was not the word she would have used to describe her early years. Ella remembered her small two bedroom apartment on Hemley Street. She used to sit for hours on the puke orange carpet reading Judy Blume and Sweet Valley High books. Some days she read so long that the daylight faded and before she knew it she could no longer read the words on the page. The room would be dark but she would sit there, refusing to turn the lights on. "Well, it wasn't as wild as you probably think." "When did you lose your virginity?" 'Stoner' Carl. "Fourteen. How about you?" Nolan shook his head. "I'm not telling and see? I knew you were a wild one. That's pretty young." "Not really. I knew girls in middle school who had several sexual partners." She had even known a girl who became pregnant and didn't know who the father was. "Wow, that's crazy," he whispered in a raspy voice. But her childhood wasn't without interesting moments. "Oh, but I did watch a lot of porn when I was in the sixth grade." "What?" Nolan coughed out. He beat his chest for a moment before he finally got a handle of his lungs. "Mom leave some sitting around?" Ella pulled at the seam in her covers. "Not exactly." "Wait, you have to tell me this." She rolled over and stared at the ceiling. She had only told the story once before to a group of girls in her ninth grade high school class. Back then when she had talked about it, she held an air of maturity and sophistication that the other girls admired. But she wanted Nolan to know the whole story without any embellishments. "Well, it was the day before picture day at school." She turned to him. "Do you remember how cheesy all that shit was?" He nodded. "Anyway, my nicest clothes were dirty so I hauled all my stuff to the laundromat down the street." Nolan slid away from the headboard and lay beside her. "Fuck, I don't even think I knew where the laundry room was in our house at that age. How old were you?" Sixth grade. The year her grandmother died. She had never even met her nor did she attend the funeral. "Eleven." "Damn," Nolan whispered. "But that's where I met Tim." "Tim, huh?" Ella slowly nodded. "Yep. He was this tatted up twenty-two year old. Married, with a kid on the way. He just started talking to me and wouldn't shut up." She laughed softly. "Found out we lived in the same building. Said he had something to show me so I went back to his place." "Didn't you ever hear of 'don't talk to strangers'?" His innocent joke reminded her of all the times an adult pointed out a lack in her upbringing, like she was some castoff. "Of course I did. But my mom was working two jobs. And all I could think was his apartment was probably more fun than mine. But oh man, he had a collection of porno that could rival some stores. He had an entire storage room full of it. And because he was unemployed, that's where I spent my afternoons." She had been fascinated with this world. She had seen and read a few racy things, including this romance novel in her mom's room about a duke who fell in love with the queen. It was the first time she had ever read the word 'cock'. But nothing had prepared her for Tim's videos. Full nudity, explicit language and the graphic nature of their grunts stunned her. Girls with toys. Girls with other girls. Threesomes. Gangbangs. Ella had seen it all. "I guess you could say watching porn stars go at it was my version of an 'afternoon special'," she said with a smile. Nolan's eyes went wide. "Holy shit. Was this dude a perv?" Ella remembered the first time Tim masturbated in front of her. She was in total shock while she sat on the couch beside him. "Yeah, you could say that. The whole thing was pretty fucking trippy." "I bet." Nolan twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. "Dude must have been crazy." "Yeah," she whispered. "But you know, I was mesmerized by the girls. That's why I kept coming back. They were so lively and beautiful. I thought: wouldn't it be nice to drive guys crazy like they do." "That explains a lot," Nolan said with a laugh. "You definitely mastered the art of driving guys crazy." "You think so?" Nolan playfully tugged her hair. "Um, yeah. I mean, hello, look at me." She giggled. "Well, I learned a few tricks." Nolan sat up and stretched his long frame. "So what happened with this guy? Did your mom ever find out?" Ella shook her head. "Nah, my mom stayed busy, so I was kind of free to do whatever I wanted. And besides, the whole thing only lasted about a month or so." Ella still got chills when she remembered the look on Tim's wife's face when she came home on lunch break one afternoon. The voices from the porno had overpowered the key turning in the lock. Ella jumped up from the couch, unsure what to do. Tim, with his hand down his pants and head titled back, was in a more compromising position. It wasn't until his wife had screamed that he snapped out of his triple X-rated fantasy world. Ella bolted for the door. Outside in the hallway, she heard them screaming at each other. Him yelling that nothing happened and her screaming for him to get out. Ella shrugged. "A few days later they moved." "Wow, that's a crazy story. That never would have gone down with my mom. She was like a warden. Fuck, my brother and I can't do shit." Ella laughed and inhaled. "I'm serious," he said. "Okay, I'll tell you this but you have to promise not to say anything." "Scout's honor," she teased while trying to give the correct salute. "Fuck, which one is it?" Nolan laughed. "Um, I think its two fingers. Like this," he said, demonstrating. Ella held up one finger...the middle, causing more laughter from Nolan. "Okay, back to my story. I was a virgin until halfway through freshman year." "Of college?" "Yep." "Shut the hell up." There was no way. Nolan was a good-looking first string athlete. "My mom didn't allow girls around us. I mean, I couldn't even sneak out to get to them. It's like she could tell if I was on the hunt for pussy. But, I made up for that when I got here," he said grinning from ear to ear. Ella flashed him a sideways smile. "Oh, I bet you did. Which lucky girl got the honor?" "Do you know Hanna Dorstein?" She shook her head. She didn't know a lot of females at the university. She and girls never mixed well. "Well, we hooked up. I never told her though. Didn't want her to think I was a loser." "She wouldn't have thought that. She would have thought it was sweet," Ella said. She sat up and straddled his waist. She didn't want to mislead him but she was feeling lightheaded and relaxed. He looked up at her. "Can I ask you a question?" "Sure." "Did you know that Bryan's my best friend?" Ella removed his ball cap and placed it on her head. "No." "Yeah," he said with a sigh. "You're so sweet though. How did you end up being friends with that dick?" Nolan laughed. "Since elementary. He was a dick back then too, but we just click I guess." "I thought you were just teammates." Ella dodged eye contact, wondering what Nolan really thought of her. She remembered a similar situation back in high school, but this felt different. She had never meant to hurt him. "What did he say about me?" He looked away and shrugged, his hands rubbing over the top of her bare thighs. "Come on, you can tell me," Ella teased, running her hands underneath his shirt. He stilled her hands and looked directly at her. "I don't want to talk about him." "Why not?" "Because I don't." "Okay. But people say a lot of things, you know. Most of it isn't true." Nolan smiled. "I know." She smiled back. "Good." ********** Patricia Her entire body had gone numb and her stomach hollow. Simon was sleeping with another woman. What other explanation could it be? Was she a teacher? A student? She felt sick. More questions flooded her brain. Questions Patricia wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers to. She revisited Simon's interaction with Lydia. Her 'hey Professor Graham' was flirtatious—much like a young girl wanting to entice a man. Could she be the one? Thin Bohemian-styled redheads with freckles didn't seem like Simon's type. But then again, until thirty minutes ago, Patricia didn't believe he cheated either. Her head ached after she replayed the last days, weeks and months in her mind, searching for warning signs. Maybe she had read too much into Lydia's greeting. But that still didn't explain the pile of condoms stashed in the back of his drawer. "Are you sick or just tired from the trip?" Simon asked, interrupting her thoughts. She glanced at him, his face worried. He looked very much like he had the first time she laid eyes on him. Back then his dark hair had been a little longer, sweeping over his forehead and ears. He had the same long, lithe yet sturdy body, although years of cardio and weight training had filled out his shirts more. It was his eyes that first caught her attention. Piercing azure eyes that had been friendly and less intense than they were now. She had been checking in new Darby University students all morning, relieved to help out with freshman orientation. Anything to keep her mind from wandering to the rumor swirling around the cafeteria during breakfast: Rodney had been getting cozy with another girl at an off-campus frat, this time with some cheerleader from a rival school. She operated on autopilot as the eager young students offered her their names. "Hi, what's your name?" she asked the next guy in line. Most students had at least a mom, iff not both parents with them, but he stood alone. He was handsome. Very handsome with mesmerizing blue eyes. "Simon Graham." His accent held a hint of New York. He braced his knuckles on the table, distracting her while she scanned through the list of G's on her paper. "What's your name?" His boldness stunned her for a moment She looked up at him and offered her name. "Nice to meet you, Patricia," Simon said, extending his hand. She accepted before quickly drawing her hand back. Up until that moment, Patricia hadn't met any freshmen who would approach a junior. "Nice to meet you too, Simon. Are your folks here with you?" "Nope, just me." She handed him the welcome packet. "Alright, well just take this into the room and in an hour we'll be breaking off into groups to show you around campus." "Are you leading any groups?" "Yes, but I'm only taking group five. You're in group four." She smiled, placing his name tag in his hand with the number four written below it. He glimpsed at it then back at her. "May I borrow your pen?" When she handed it to him, he leaned over the table and traced a five over the four she had written. "Nice to meet you, Patricia. See you in an hour." "Patricia?" Patricia glanced around the car, falling away from the past and back into the present. A present that confused her. She thought Simon had been happy with their marriage. At least he seemed that way. He was happy, wasn't he? "What?" she asked, turning to him. "We're home." "We are?" she said to herself. How did they get here? Simon's expression questioned her sanity. ********** Simon Simon rubbed the back of his neck as he got out of the car. Nolan's black SUV sat in their driveway, placing the perfect cherry on his unperfect day. Patricia's somber mood and lack of conversation had him concerned. Maybe she had picked up a bug on her trip to Atlanta or maybe something bad had happened during her meeting. He wished she'd give up playing superwoman and let him take care of her. Music blared throughout the hall, rattling the windows when they entered the foyer. The fact that Gabriella and Nolan weren't in their usual spot on the couch made him uneasy. He peeked down the hallway, his skin growing hot at the idea of them together in her bedroom. He damn sure knew they weren't playing Monopoly. Gabriella Ch. 03 "Can you tell her to turn that down?" Patricia shouted before she entered the bedroom and slammed the door. Simon paused. In the room to the right, his wife was sick, tired or upset and refusing to talk to him. Meanwhile, the room to the left held Gabriella who no longer wanted to be around him and was no doubt making Nolan a very lucky, very happy boy. Simon stretched his jaw, trying to relieve the tension. He thought back to a time before either of those rooms were occupied by the two women in his life. He definitely had less stress, but he couldn't imagine a life without them. He knocked on Gabriella's door before he turned the handle. It was locked. The heady aroma of marijuana filtered through her door. He rested his head against the hard wood, praying for the strength to keep his cool in front of Nolan. He knocked harder. "Gabriella, turn it down! Your mom's not feeling well!" He jiggled the door handle again before it flew open. Nolan stood there, a slight red tint to his frantic eyes as he tucked his shirt into his jeans. "Sorry Professor Graham. We didn't realize it was that loud." Simon ignored him. Gabriella lay propped against the head board, her manner nonchalant as she popped a piece of gum into her mouth and smiled at him. "Hey," she said. Simon couldn't stop the automatic clamp of his jaw even though his teeth felt like they were going to crack. He couldn't deal with this right now. He had Patricia to focus on. "Uh, I should probably go. I'll talk to you later Ella," Nolan said as he tried to squeeze past Simon. "Nolan..." Simon said, his eyes still on Gabriella. "Yes." "Might want to zip your pants." Nolan blushed as his eyes darted down and back up. "Thanks," he whispered as he jetted down the hallway. With the music off, the house became too quiet. Simon remained in the doorframe, unable to unlock his eyes from her. She stared back with the same intensity. They'd played this game before and he always won. She had never been able to face the disappointment, disgust and lust that had to be showing in his eyes. And sure enough, Gabriella's gaze dropped to the floor and lost their wordless feud. Simon ran his fingers over the small crack in the door frame. The old house was beginning to show lots of cracks. He was just slow in noticing how many, how they remained hidden then presented themselves at the oddest times. Just like my life. He turned and walked out. ********** Patricia "Patricia, did you hear me?" The spicy cologne Sam Banesfield doused himself in everyday made his presence impossible to ignore. "Yeah, I heard you. I'm looking over the charts now." It had taken every drop of strength she'd possessed to roll out of bed and face another ten hour day doing this chubby sadist's job. Arriving an hour late for work didn't help matters. The morning sun was brightening the bedroom when Simon had tapped her shoulder, but Patricia didn't budge. She kept her eyes shut tight in the hope that yesterday was only a bad dream. Instead she woke up to find her life was still a mess. Maybe her mother was right. It's not even worth the time to get up in the morning... She clicked off the webpage she had been viewing and pulled up the spreadsheet. "I'll get them to you in fifteen minutes." Patricia didn't bother looking up at Sam, not when she felt his disappointed glare. He stomped back into his office and slammed the door, leaving her the same way he'd found her—trapped in the state between of stunned and puzzled. She buried the hurt deep inside herself and clung to the numbness that alleviated the full blunt of any emotion. Without any hard proof that Simon had been cheating, all her worries amounted to pure speculation. Maybe the condoms belonged to a student. Maybe someone had played a prank on him. But the more outlandish her explanations became, the more she feared the truth. If she confronted him and he admitted to it, she wasn't sure she could bear it. Patricia leaned her head against her desk wondering how she had arrived at this moment. A job she loathed, a deadbeat dad for an ex, a reckless daughter who hated her and believed that self-worth was tied to a boy's approval, and now an unfaithful husband. Was she destined to be a magnate for failure? She clicked back on the article she'd been reading, one that cited reasons why husbands strayed: the yearning for sexual variety, unhappiness in the marriage and boredom. New insecurities bloomed as she read on. Patricia closed the page and dropped her head in her hands. This time she couldn't function on autopilot to get by. Yes it came in handy when her parents' marriage had turned into an all out war. And when a rumor about Ella and her math teacher floated through their town. Or when Ella had been suspended for fighting. Or just Ella in general. Or when Simon and Ella fought. But now that her marriage to Simon was filled with lies... She wanted to shut down every emotion, every suspicion and push them aside. Scarlett O'Hara's idea of thinking about it tomorrow wasn't half bad. The phone rang just then. She stared at it, knowing who would be on the other end. "Hey, honey," Simon said when she picked up. He sounded tired. "Hey." "Are you busy?" "Yeah, I have to look over these graphs before Sam fires me." Several seconds passed before he said, "Okay. Just wanted to see if I should pick up dinner?" Dinner? Patricia realized just then that she hadn't eaten since yesterday. "Oh, sure, if you and Ella want something. I—I'll be working late tonight, so I'll just grab something before I get home." She waited and waited for his response. "Are you going to talk to me?" he asked finally. "Simon, I have to go—Sam's coming. We'll talk later, I promise. Love you, bye." She hung up the phone before he replied. "Hey." Patricia jumped in her seat. "Whoa, switch to decaf," Myra said, sitting on the edge of her desk. "Sorry." "Come on, it's six-thirty, let's leave and make the tail end of happy hour before you dive back in." "I can't. I have to go. Simon's bringing home dinner." Myra turned on the desk lamp. "I thought you just told him you were staying late?" "I did." Patricia couldn't read Myra's expression and she didn't have the energy to try. ********** Gabriella True to their promise, she and Simon hadn't touched each other in over a month. Ella regretted that she had agreed to it. Most days she didn't even warrant his eye contact. Sometimes his smooth cologne lingered in the house, driving her crazy, further reminding her body of his absence. At night her hands wandered over her skin and she'd fantasize about his touch, until she gasped in pleasure. But sadness was always there waiting to settle in. Her mother lived in zombie land ever since her trip to Atlanta. She and Simon rarely shared meals and when they did, her mother would push her food around the plate after a few bites. One night Ella had been in the kitchen while her mom watched a TV show. The instant Simon sat down beside her, she stiffened. Seconds later she left the couch saying she felt exhausted. Ella's heart broke for Simon as he watched her mother retreat. Didn't he realize that she would have gladly taken her mom's place beside him? But Ella was tired of fighting a losing battle. "This kid's gonna win the Heisman," Nolan muttered while they watched a college football game. Ella could care less, but she had nothing better to do. Her mind drifted back to Simon who was spending more time with his friends. Her mom had taken to working late, or at least that's the excuse she gave Simon. Most days Ella came home to an empty house and a loneliness she should've been immune to. Nolan squeezed her calf which was draped over his lap. "Look at that. Beautiful!" Ella watched a replay of an interception, wishing Nolan would go home. According to the clock on the Tivo box Simon's last class finished half an hour ago. Was he heading straight to Steven's yet again? She heard keys in the lock. Nolan's hand slid from her leg as the door creaked. He glanced at both of them with a grim expression then dropped his briefcase behind the sofa before he disappeared down the hallway. He probably thought that she and Nolan were sleeping together. But they weren't. In the past, Ella had hooked up with Nolan a few times, but she hadn't gone all the way with him since their official movie date on her mom's birthday. Most boys would have given up by now, especially given her reputation. But Nolan acted like he just enjoyed her company despite his failed attempts here and there to get into her panties. Simon no longer said anything about him visiting so often. She hated to accept it as another sign of him letting go. "I'll be right back," she told Nolan. He caught her leg. "Hey, I should probably take off. I don't want him to start failing me or anything," he joked. "He wouldn't do that." "I know, it was a joke." Nolan leaned over and kissed her before he grabbed his backpack. "See you later." "Bye." Ella clicked off the TV and sat, listening for the roar of Simon's motorcycle. All she heard was the sprinkler near the front lawn turning on. He'd be leaving any moment because he couldn't stand to be alone with her. She made her way to the back of the house and checked the master bedroom, but he wasn't there. She walked into the kitchen and peeked through the window in the door leading to the garage. Simon stood over his motorcycle, checking it out. "Hey," she said when she opened the door. "Hey." He kept his attention on the bike. "Is everything okay?" He nodded as he kneeled down to inspect the front tire. Ella leaned her back against the door frame. Was she bothering him again? She hated feeling this way. She should have gone to her room but despite everything that had happened, she treasured having any time with Simon. "Are you?" He was still squatting and examining the tire, but she had heard his question loud and clear. "Yeah, I'm okay." He walked over to his work bench. "So, you've been seeing a lot of Nolan lately. How's that going?" Ella shrugged. "Alright, I guess. He's nice." "Nice huh?" He looked at her. "Is that enough to sustain a relationship?" "You would know," she snapped back. She hated herself for saying it the instant Simon turned his back to her. Ella bit her bottom lip so hard she tasted blood. "I'm sorry." "No you're not." The tools he tossed onto the table landed with a loud thump. Ella stepped into the garage. "No, really I am. I shouldn't have said that. I'm trying to be good." She drew a halo over her head as he glanced over his shoulder. Simon shook his head. "You heading over to Steven's?" "No." "So, where are you going?" "I don't know yet," he said, dropping more items into the toolbox. Ella ran her hand over the leather motorcycle seat. She wished things could go back to the way things were last spring when Simon barely made it to school before dragging her into his office. Back when he wanted her all the time. Back when she believed they could have something more than secrets and lies. "I miss riding with you," she whispered. There was a slight pause before the next tool clanked onto the table. She sighed when Simon continued to ignore her. She walked over to the small window in the garage door. Stars lit up the dark sky. She pressed the button to open the door, letting in the cool fall air. This time of year was her favorite. Even though her legs were bare from the skirt she wore, the cold sensation felt good. The scent of burning wood filled the air all around their quiet neighborhood. Everything was quiet. Too quiet. Ella turned to find him gone. She straddled the Yamaha and closed her eyes to remember how Simon looked when he rode. He had a sexy way of leaning into the wind as if trying to defy the laws of speed. Ella wiggled until the bike fell from the kickstand. She struggled to balance it, but hadn't anticipated the weight. "Oh, shit!" She braced herself to fall sideways, praying the bike didn't crush her leg. But she didn't fall. Something steadied her. Her feet barely touched the ground. Simon was holding the back of the bike. She quickly hopped off. "Sorry." He said nothing as he pulled his helmet down, the face shield blocking his eyes. He buttoned his riding jacket and turned on the ignition, revving the engine. Ella ran her hands down her arms trying to warm them as he rolled the bike out of the garage. Halfway down the driveway, he stopped. He paused before he turned around and looked in her direction. Ella held her breath while Simon unbuttoned his jacket. He pulled it off and held it up. Ella squealed as she grabbed the extra helmet off the shelf and ran out to him. She put the jacket on, already warm from his body and straddled the back. She wrapped her arms around his waist as her thighs hugged his. His scent washed over her, warming her heart. This was heaven. They peeled out of the driveway and shot down the street at lightning speed. The cold air burned her nose, but she welcomed it. The world flew by in a blur. Everything else was forgotten. They pulled up to a red light beside a black Mustang that was blasting hip-hop. The two guys inside looked back at her. She squeezed Simon tighter; loving that they probably thought he was her boyfriend. Simon peered over at the guys and when the light turned green, he sped out in front of them. They passed her old high school, home of the Dragons. Ella had few fond memories of that place. They rode out to the outskirts of town, nearing Lake Torrance, which was a family hangout during the day while naughty teenagers flocked to it at night. Ella had no clue where they were going and it didn't matter. She always felt safe with Simon. They could be floating to the moon and she wouldn't have cared as long as they were together. Droplets of cold water splashed her legs. Then more. Soon the entire sky burst open as rain poured down. Simon sped up and they quickly took cover at a gas station. "Shit, are you okay?" he asked, when he stood up and removed his helmet. Ella pulled hers off and nodded, despite her chattering teeth. The ends of her hair were soaked and heavy against her shoulders. "I'll be fine. J-just shouldn't have w-worn a skirt." His eyes drifted to her legs before he entered the store. A stocky guy in a baseball cap pumping gas kept looking at her. She looked away to not draw attention to herself, but he made his way over. Please go in the store, please go in the store. "Hey." "Hello," Ella answered back, knowing she couldn't ignore him. "Nice bike." "Thanks, but it isn't mine." He laughed. "Well, you definitely do it justice by just sitting there." Ella's gaze narrowed as recognition set in. He had graduated from her high school when she was just a freshman. She didn't remember much about him, other than he had been a good baseball player. Richie or Ricky—something like that. "So, you busy later?" he asked. "Yeah, she is." Simon handed her a cup and offered an evil stare to her former schoolmate. What's-his-name nodded and strolled back over to his car, checking out another woman at the gas pump next to his. "Fucking idiot," Simon muttered as he sat back on the bike. Ella smiled. If he was jealous then maybe she meant more to him than he let on. "Coffee?" she asked, sliding closer to him. Simon blew the steam from his Styrofoam cup. "Mine is. Yours is hot chocolate." "You know me so well." He remained quiet as the rain sprinkled onto the pavement. Ella stared at his back while she sipped her drink. The outline of his muscles was visible through his wet gray shirt. She wanted to lean her head against him. But she resisted. "Simon?" "Hmm?" "What's the best thing you've ever done?" For her, it had been meeting him. She would never admit it, but she felt good about herself when they were together, despite his commitment to someone else. Not just any someone else. She swallowed down the unwelcome thought. "Graduating from Dartmouth and marrying your mother." Ella shook off the sting of jealousy. "What's the worst thing?" "Do you even need to ask?" She sipped her hot chocolate, not caring as the scorching liquid burned her tongue and throat. No one had ever told her that she was the worst part of them even if she'd deserved it. The worst... The realization that Simon viewed her that way cut deeper than she ever imagined. "What about you?" he asked, oblivious to the tears in her eyes. She blinked quickly. "Worst? Hmm, there's more than I care to remember. But the best? Hmm..." Ella knew what she was about to say wasn't the truth, but she wasn't going to place her heart out there for him to butcher again. "I'd have to say meeting Nolan." "You've got to be kidding me!" Simon scoffed and looked over his shoulder. "Meeting that kid is the best thing that's ever happened to you?" "Yeah. He's a good guy. Treats me very differently than other guys have. He takes an interest in me when I'm sitting up, not just lying down." She cut him with that remark. Good. He quickly turned around. "Well, he just seems kinda weak to me." "Weak? He's like a starting offensive lineman on the football team. Trust me, he's not weak." "I don't mean physically." He tossed his cup into the trash. "You need someone who's going to call you on all your bullshit and not let you manipulate the fuck out of them." Ella chucked her cup as well. "Someone like you?" "Maybe. But just make sure he isn't married. Only douche bags cheat on their wives," he said, turning the ignition on. "Finally, it's letting up." "You're not a douche bag, Simon," she whispered, but he had already pulled on his helmet. She sighed and followed suit. Darkness enveloped the sky as they made their way home through the light drizzle. Ella held on tight while she still could. ********** Patricia Patricia nearly spilled her afternoon coffee when the receptionist informed her that Simon was waiting in the lobby. "Hi." She hesitated before she gave him a quick hug and kiss. He looked lightly tanned and every bit the hip college professor wearing an untucked shirt, jacket and dark jeans. Did he dress sharply because he had another woman he wanted to impress? The thought made her want to double over from pain. "What are you doing here?" He pulled off his shades. "I wanted to take you to lunch." "Oh. That sounds nice." Patricia glanced around the lobby. "But unfortunately, I have all of these reports that Sam is waiting on and—" "Honey, we need to talk. Today." "Simon, I..." The look in his blue eyes said he wasn't going to drop it this time. She couldn't go on pretending everything was fine. "Okay. Let me go grab my bag." They stopped at Teddy's, a corner café they used to frequent when they first started dating. Patricia wished she could jump back to that time. A better time when her world wasn't crumbling around her. "It's been a while since we've been here," she said, checking out all the happy faces, wondering if their public smiles covered their secret pain. "Yeah. I'd love to take you out more, but lately you've been busy." "I know," Patricia admitted. She tried to maintain eye contact but couldn't. "It's just a crazy time of year for us. Sam's set up unrealistic goals for the next two quarters and there's talk of more layoffs now, so there's a lot of tension in the office." Simon reached for her hand. "Why don't you talk to me about any of this?" "Well, because it's boring I guess," she said, pulling her hand from his grasp to fiddle with the back of her earring. His concern seemed so sincere. Seemed. Gabriella Ch. 03 He let out a heavy breath and leaned back in his seat. "Not to me. I like to know what's going on in your life." "Well there you go. It's busy and stressful," Patricia stated with a soft laugh but Simon wasn't amused as he sipped his drink. "So how are classes?" she asked, trying to distract him from veering into heavier territory. She mustered the best smile she had, something that required more and more effort over this past month. "They're Fine. But more important things have been on my mind." "Like what?" As soon as Patricia said the words, she wanted to take them back. Her question opened the door for a relationship talk, and she wasn't ready. Not in the middle of the day. Not here at Teddy's, their special place. "Like why my wife is ignoring me, why there's this space between us now." Patricia's gaze fell to the bread basket. Rodney had always been so defensive whenever rumors about his 'extracurricular night activities' sprang up. Somehow it always got turned around on her, that she'd trusted a bunch of haters more than her boyfriend. On occasion he'd suggest that they confront her numerous sources and that was enough to end their argument. Rodney had been so convincing, he would've made an excellent defense lawyer. She had been crazy to think a star college athlete could be faithful to anyone. But this coming from Simon had blindsided her. Yes, she'd expected a man like him would have women throwing themselves at him constantly. But until that afternoon in his office, she hadn't been aware just how much faith she'd placed in him, in his promise to love her. Now looking him in the eye made her stomach churn. "What's going on with you? I know there's something wrong. You're exhausted all the time. You toss and turn in bed all night. Tell me." Was that the same sweet concern she used to hear in Rodney's voice? Autopilot isn't an option anymore. "Well, I guess I'd like to know why my husband is cheating on me." There, she had said it. The words brought a strange sense of freedom and relief. It vanished the instant Simon licked his lips and turned pale. * Hope you all enjoyed chapter 3! Chapter 4 is done, just waiting to submit, so no month long wait, lol. Um...sorry about that. A big thank you to Kaia (tangledinyou) for being my bookend and sister! And another big thank you to August Bouvier...a brilliant editor and friend. Thanks ladies! And thank you all for your patience and support w/ this story. It means so much to me:-) Soular Gabriella Ch. 04 Patricia Patricia focused on the untouched bread but the image of Simon's guilt ridden face stayed with her. "Since I found the condoms in your office I just haven't been in a talkative mood lately. Sorry. Maybe I should look on the bright side and be grateful you used protection." Their waiter strolled up to the table, oblivious to the tension in the air. "And what can I get for you today?" he asked in a chipper tone. Neither of them took a breath. "...or if you're not ready, I can come back in a bit." He glanced between them. "Yeah, I'll come back." "Patricia, I—I don't know what to say right now." Simon buried his face into his hands and then pushed them through his hair. Although in her heart she already knew, but to hear him actually confirm it... "Tell me, how does this work?" Patricia asked. She rubbed her temples and looked around the restaurant. A woman like her mother might have screamed and thrown objects, but her body felt like it weighed a ton. Even her eyelids were heavy. "I don't know." He sounded lost. "I'm so sorry. It kills me to know that I hurt you. Please know that. I just—" He shook his head and stared out the window. "Hi, are you guys ready?" the waiter asked when he returned. "We'll just pay for the drinks and leave. We've suddenly lost our appetite." Patricia explained, managing to sound calm somehow. Simon grabbed his wallet and handed several bills to the waiter. "Oh, no problem. Have a nice day," he said, smiling at the generous tip. "Come see us again." They drove back to her office in silence. The short distance came as a blessing because she couldn't bear to be this close to him. Simon grabbed her arm as she pressed on the seat buckle. "What can I do to make this better? Just tell me. Anything and I will." Can you turn back time? "Stop seeing her." Patricia couldn't believe she even had to speak those words. This couldn't be her life. Everything had seemed so bright for her at least before college. High school had been the last time she had felt completely sure about herself. He looked forward. "I did." "When?" "About a month ago." "How convenient—" "It's true," Simon countered right away, his tone adamant. She should have stopped while she was ahead, but she had to know what lay inside this Pandora's Box. "Is she a student?" He nodded. "A current one?" "No." "How old?" He sighed and dropped his head against the steering wheel. "How old is she, Simon?" "Almost twenty." He sounded embarrassed to admit it. "Nineteen..." Patricia said to herself as the car next to them reversed out the parking lot. "Same age as Ella." "Goddamn it. Sorry, I didn't mean to say that, I just can't—can't fucking— I'm sorry Patricia, so sorry." He got out of the car and slammed the door. The numbness crept back over her again, narcotizing her senses. Maybe now she could concentrate on Sam's Excel document. Yeah, she would focus on that to get through the day. Each cell would receive her undivided attention as she turned in the most flawless report possible. Simon called her name as she hurried into the building but she didn't look back. ********** Simon Simon knew this day would come. He had even prepared for it on occasion. The day when Patricia would find out. The day his life would turn upside down and he'd be forced to see himself for who he was. A lousy husband and a poor excuse for a stepfather. Her words played back over and over in his mind. Condoms. What an awful way for her to find out. And he thought he had been so careful not to keep any in the house. He tried to imagine how he would have felt were the roles reversed. How did Patricia manage to stay so calm? As much as he dreaded seeing her cry, her reaction made him feel worse. He deserved as much. Fucking condoms... He wasn't sure how long he had sat in the driveway, but Gabriella peeked from behind the curtains twice before coming outside. "You know the kitchen, bed and TV are all inside, right?" she yelled out with a smile, rubbing her hands over her arms. He watched as she walked around the car to the passenger side. As always she was sporting something revealing. Never mind that winter was approaching and it was freezing cold out. This particular outfit consisted of a thin blue tank top sans bra and a pair of black cotton short shorts with luv me written on the back in hot pink and colorful tube socks pulled up to her knees. She screamed college girl in that moment, making him feel even shittier. Shitty because of what he had done to Patricia and his marriage and shitty because once again, Gabriella had managed to turn him on. And right now was not the time he wanted the little head thinking for the big one and that pissed him off. She tried to open the door but it was still locked. She softly tapped on the window. For a moment he had thought of letting her stand out there and freeze. But when she rubbed her hands over her arms again, he felt like a jerk. She jumped in when he unlocked the door. "Jeez, it's really cold today," she stated, turning the heat on full blast. "Well it is late fall if you haven't noticed. I know it's hard for you, but you might try dressing accordingly." "Jesus, what the hell is your problem?" He turned to her and pulled off his sunglasses. "You really want to know the answer to that?" "Yeah." "You. You're my fucking problem," he snapped. Anger and lust, resentment and desire consumed him when he was with her. It all bubbled beneath the surface, ready to pour out. "What? What did I do?" She looked hurt. "She knows." "Knows what? I don't—oh." Her voice tapered out. "Yeah." "Does she know it's me?" she asked, while she fidgeted with a string at the top of her sock. Simon squeezed his forehead. "No." "Then don't worry, Simon, it'll all be okay." He let out a dry chuckle and shook his head as the hot air stung his eyes. "See, that right there? You amaze me. What the fuck makes you think it will be okay?" "Because I've lived with her for damn near twenty years. She will ignore it and push it aside until it blows over." "Is that how she handled your trouble making all these years?" "No. It's how she handled me." "Well forgive me, but I don't want my wife acting like I barely exist. Maybe you can live that way, but I can't." "It's not really a choice I had, Simon. It's just the way things were." He turned to her. "Is that what this is all about? Our affair? Was it just you getting back at your mom?" "What?" she asked, her eyebrows drawn. He had struck a sensitive spot, but at the moment he could give a shit. His life was falling apart while Gabriella marched around without a care in the world. "You heard me. Everything you did, was it despite her?" Sweat dampened his neck. "You are being a complete asshole right now. Look, I'm sorry she found out and that you're upset, but you don't have to take it out on me. And I think I would have to actually know my mother to want to do anything despite her. We share looks but are strangers, Simon, don't forget that. This has nothing to do with her! This was about you and me." She folded her arms and turned her head. "It's never been just you and me." "Well, that doesn't even matter because we're not together anymore." "We never were together, Gabriella. You keep forgetting that." Every word he uttered hit their mark. He felt it. He wanted to stop, but he needed someone to feel worse than him. "You know what? Fuck you! You want to be pissed at me for your failing marriage? I could have told you it would never work years ago." She opened the car door and stood up before leaning back through. "You're in love with a ghost. That girl you met all those years ago in college doesn't exist anymore. She's gone. Life disappointed her Simon and this is who you married. I just can't believe it took you three fucking years to figure that out!" "You don't know shit about being married. It's more than running around in short skirts and fucking every boy you can wrap your legs around." Her mouth dropped. "I hate you! God, I wish I'd never lo—liked you!" "Likewise," he said as she slammed the door. The glassiness in her eyes tugged at his conscience before she stormed into the house. Could this day get any worse? *** Patricia retreated to the bedroom and spent the evening buried in a book. Only a brief hello had escaped her lips since she'd gotten home, not that Simon expected anything more when he got into bed with her. At least she didn't kick him out. That had to be a good sign. "What are you reading?" he asked, hoping to drown out the guilty silence. She turned the cover toward him. "Song of Solomon," she said in an emotionless voice. "Have you ever read it?" He shook his head. "Toni Morrison? No, I never read that. But a professor of mine back in college wanted us to read several Pulitzer winning novels, so I did read Beloved. It was...interesting." His heart warmed with relief when she smiled. She really was a beautiful woman. Definitely a prize. And maybe she had changed since they had first met, but his feelings for her hadn't. No, they didn't share the same fiery sex that he and Gabriella did, but what he had with Patricia was special, something that couldn't wane over time. With Gabriella, it was strictly sex. In the end it meant nothing more than a quick, euphoric muscle spasm. "Goodnight," she whispered as she turned off her bedside lamp, flooding them into darkness. "Goodnight." Simon lay there thinking about his life. All of the decisions he had made that led him to this point. Leaving New York at eighteen and moving to North Carolina. Meeting Patricia. Meeting Gabriella. He still felt horrible for the way he treated her earlier. As usual, he was pissed at himself and took it out on her. She didn't deserve that. Neither one of them deserved how he had been treating them. Euphoric muscle spasm... Simon squeezed his eyes shut. It went deeper than that. Gabriella had worked her way underneath his skin, moving through his veins like a form of heroine. The further he tried to push her away, the stronger the need to have her became. And it went beyond issues in the bedroom. She got him. Plain and simple. She laughed at his dry sarcasm and made a big deal of his little accomplishments. She never held back, whether she was happy or sad. When he pissed her off, she would smack him and when she was proud she would jump on him, damn near knocking him to the ground. He remembered her words in the car. She was ignored most of her life and her personality had developed from that— loud and big to get any attention she could. Only it didn't work. At least not with Patricia, who had been too busy working, according to Gabriella. Or with Rodney, who had bailed on them. But it had with him, all too well. But now this nightmare of deceit he created was almost over. Only one more detail of this sordid affair that Patricia didn't know about. If she ever found out, their marriage wouldn't last a day longer. He wrapped his arm around her, hoping she wouldn't push him away as he pulled her in close. A hint of Jasmine warmed his insides. His arms relaxed when she made no attempt to move away. This was his wife and he wasn't ready to give her up. He was a fighter, had been all his life and he would continue to fight this urge for Gabriella for Patricia's sake. Life had hurt her so much already. He could be a better husband, a better man for her. "Patricia?" "Yes?" "Maybe we could get away for a little while? Just leave everything behind and talk." He felt her gaze on him when she rolled over. "Where did you have in mind?" "I don't know. Maybe that ski resort that Pete and Liz recommended. That seemed nice and it's close enough to drive up and back for a weekend. I could make reservations tomorrow if you're up to it. What do you say?" "I don't know Simon." She turned over, facing away from him. "I understand." He fell back against his pillow and stared up at the ceiling. He wanted a fresh start for them, but she needed time. No matter how long it took, he would wait until she felt comfortable about whatever she decided. "I do kind of need a break from everything," she said. "Maybe this weekend?" Simon closed his eyes and exhaled. "This weekend is perfect. I'll make reservations first thing in the morning." "Okay." Simon pulled her into him again. "I love you." She tensed beneath him. "You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know that I never stopped loving you." Her hand slid over his. Simon closed his eyes and prayed that this trip would make a difference. ********** Gabriella Ella scribbled in her notebook as Simon droned on about some lost culture that had been dead over thousands of years. She used to listen in awe of how much he knew when they'd lain in bed, their limbs entwined, while he recounted the love stories of past kings and queens. She squeezed her legs together to squelch the wet fire as the memories washed over her. But she was still hurt from their argument yesterday afternoon. She hadn't spoken to him since then. Even that morning, Nolan had picked her up for school so she wouldn't have to face Simon. "Am I boring you, Miss Foster?" Ella looked up to find Simon and half the class looking at her. She quickly glanced around before leveling her eyes on him. When he wasn't outright ignoring her, he would make snide comments in front of everyone. She wasn't sure if he did it for fear of people linking them together or if he really just liked being an asshole to her. Lately, she was beginning to think it was the latter. Normally she would have engaged in some sort of verbal combat with hidden sexual undertones, but today she felt drained. She shook her head and opened her text book. "Thanks," Simon said. "Now if you all will look at the timeline on page 117, you'll see that..." Ella looked back at Nolan. She smiled when he tried to quickly look away. She still wasn't quite sure where he fit into her life, but she had begun to enjoy his company. She turned back around to find Simon glancing between the two of them. She rolled her eyes and focused on the page. Truthfully, she'd be glad when this semester was over. She had added his class to mess with him, but it exhausted her to watch and listen to the man she wanted yet could never have. But pretending not to care when every fiber of her being wanted to scream to the world how he made her feel in those quick stolen moments, had taken its toll. Today Ella had become just another student. A nobody. When Simon wrapped up class, Nolan bounded down the steps and picked up her book bag. "What are you doing tonight?" he asked. "I don't know." "We should hang out." "Maybe," Ella said as they walked down the aisle. He smiled at her. "I could cook for you." Ella laughed. "You? Cook?" "Hey, I know some good Ramen noodle recipes. Plus, I could—" "Miss Foster, may I have a word with you?" Simon interrupted. Ella looked at Nolan and then him. "What do you want?" "In private," Simon answered, narrowing his eyes at her. When Nolan didn't budge, Simon turned his glare to him. "Do you mind giving us a second, Nolan?" Simon said in a low voice. Ella watched the subtle stare down, before Nolan handed her the backpack. "Sure," he said to Simon then turned to Ella. "I'll wait for you by my car." Ella smiled at him before he turned and walked out. But Cory, the ever present class nerd was still gathering his books. Simon exhaled and pinched the bridge of his nose as Cory approached. "So, Professor Graham, will you have any type of tutorial before the final?" "Yes, Cory, I will. More than likely the two Thursdays before the test. I'll send an email about it." "Cool, thanks," he said as he scurried out of the room. "That kid, I swear..." Simon said, shaking his head. "Why did you call me out today? There were other people not paying attention," she said. Simon stared at her for a moment before he answered. "I know. But I don't care if those kids pass or fail my class. Plus, if you paid a little more attention, you would have higher than a C." Ella shifted her feet. "Whatever. What do you want?" He usually gave her a hard time for saying 'whatever' to him. He hated that. But he looked just as tired as she felt. "Your mom and I are spending the weekend away. Going to try to patch up our relationship," he said, leaning against his desk with his hands in his pockets. Ella stood there staring at him, not sure what to say. Was he expecting her to be happy about it? "Okay," she finally said, before turning to leave. "Wait a second," he said, lightly grabbing her hand. She looked down at their connection before he quickly pulled away. "I...I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for how I behaved yesterday. I was being an asshole and you didn't deserve that." "Don't worry about it. I'm used to it." He sighed. "So...if there's nothing else, I have to go. Nolan's waiting on me." "That's all," he said softly as he packed up his belongings. Ella walked out of the classroom, each step, a step further and further away from Simon. ********** Patricia The drive up to Blue Ridge wove through a forest. Patricia didn't rush to her destination. Time lost all meaning whenever she drove. Each mile took her further away from her worries until it was just her and the open road. The highways and back roads had always brought her peace when she needed it most and so the forty minute commute stretched into an hour. In an effort to save time, she and Simon had decided to drive up separately straight from work instead of meeting at home first. Patricia couldn't imagine driving here together and avoiding their huge problems with small talk, especially after the week she'd had. Simon was waiting for her in the lobby and had already checked them in when she arrived. Patricia removed her scarf as she took in the view from their suite. The sun was beaming high, glistening off the powder white snow. The breathtaking scenery almost made her forget the reason why they had come here. Almost... She reluctantly turned from the window when he came barreling through the door with the last of their luggage. "Do you like?" he asked as he set the small suitcases on the floor. "Yes, I like. This is so nice. Now I feel bad we canceled on Liz and Pete to come up here." Simon smiled. "Just imagine a two hour dose of Liz and you'll get over it." Patricia laughed. "Point taken," she said, admiring the view again. She heard him approaching from behind her. She waited to see if he would touch her, but he didn't. "So, what do you want to do first?" She turned around and leaned against the sliding glass door. "Hmm, maybe I'll try my hand at skiing." Simon scoffed. "Honey, I don't think we have enough medical coverage." She feigned hurt has she swatted his arm. "I'll show you." *** Two hours and four bruises later Patricia gave up. After barely making it to the bottom of the kiddie slope, she lay in the snow too tired to move. "Are you okay?" Simon asked, a laugh bubbling beneath his question. He sat down beside her, and unlatched her boots. "All the flyers make it look so easy," she huffed. "Bastards," Simon muttered. "Yep." Patricia dreaded the silence that followed. When there were no distractions, they were both left to only think about the things unsaid. She knew they would have to have 'the talk' but she wanted more time. How could she ever be prepared to hear why her husband had turned to another woman? Why she wasn't good enough? Gabriella Ch. 04 She wished she were like other women and could just cry to drain out all the feelings that were crammed within her. But she couldn't. She hadn't shed a tear. She shielded her eyes from the sun only to find Simon staring out at the slopes. He was deep in thought. She studied his profile and wondered when she had lost him. ********** Gabriella Since the cab had dropped her off, Ella paced the freezing sidewalk until she lost track of time. She wondered if showing up like this would send the wrong message but she hated being left in the house alone. Although she had spent most of her childhood in an empty apartment, it hadn't prepared her for Simon's absence. Friday night had been awful. Nothing to do and nowhere to go. And now that Saturday had rolled around she refused to spend another moment in the house lovesick and moping because they couldn't be together anymore. She considered spending time with Nolan, but she didn't want to call him out of desperation. Besides, they weren't a couple and she didn't want to give him the wrong idea. Dried leaves twirled across the visitors' parking lot as the wind gusts grew stronger. Ella clutched the front of her pea coat, trying to insulate herself from the cold. A storm was coming and she had a choice to make: stay or go. She slipped in through the gate behind a couple carrying several boxes of pizza. When she arrived at the door, she exhaled and knocked. Steven answered. The smile on his face faded. "Hey, can I come in?" she asked, wondering if she should turn around right now. Simon would be pissed if he found out she had come here. Could Steven keep a secret? He stared at her for a few seconds before he said, "Sure." He poked his head out the door as she walked inside. "Simon's not with me. He and my mom are out of town." "Yeah, that's what I thought, I just wasn't sure." He looked at her curiously. "Ella, what—" "Steven, there's no more—" a woman's voice called out. Ella took in the confused face of the leggy brunette who had walked out of his kitchen. "Oh. Who's this?" she asked, a hint of irritation in her voice. Steven rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, this is Ella. Ella, that's Holly." Ella gave a weak smile as the brunette placed her hand on her hip. "You've got to be kidding me." Holly snatched her purse from his leather couch. "Wha—wait, Holly," Steven said as he blocked her path. "It's so not what you think." "Right. You just have random girls showing up at your place all hours of the night. Fuck you. He's all yours sweetheart." She stormed out and shut the door behind her. "Holly!" Steven shouted, snatching the door open as he rushed out. Ella felt terrible that her loneliness and boredom ruined his night. She thought about leaving, but didn't want to intrude on the conversation in the hallway. From the sound of it, Holly was doing all the talking. Steven was rubbing the side of his face when he returned. "You owe me for that." "I'm sorry, I can leave," she said, walking toward the door. "No, no, no." He caught her arm and studied her. "First of all, are you okay?" She nodded and watched as he narrowed his eyes at her and twisted his mouth to the side as if thinking. "So, what brings you to my humble abode?" Ella removed her coat and smoothed down her burgundy dress before she sat down in the den. "I was just sitting at our house bored out of my mind. Nothing to do." Steven smiled from behind the bar. "You? Nothing to do on a Saturday. I find that hard to believe." "Sad but true." "I think I hear hearts breaking across your campus." Ella smiled. She loved Steven's naturally flirty nature. "Want something?" he asked. "Um, sure. Screwdriver please." Steven nodded. "So, that girl, Holly. Will you have another chance with her?" "I don't know. Doesn't matter. If she's so quick to jump to conclusions and act all crazy without hearing me out first, then we aren't destined to be together." He handed her a drink. "One Screwdriver minus the vodka." Ella frowned at her drink. "But this is just orange juice." "Yep, and you're just nineteen," he said with a wink before he downed his glass. "Almost twenty." "Well, when you hit that beautiful twenty-one, give me a call. I'll make all the screwdrivers you want." Ella took a sip and sat the drink on the glass coffee table. "So, did you have any plans to go out tonight?" He laughed and pushed a hand through his curly blond locks. "Not really. The plan was to be in my bedroom by now." "Oh." Ella rubbed her arms and looked around. Steven's place was very well kept—the kind of place a woman would feel comfortable in. But she remembered Simon telling her he had a housekeeper who came twice a week so to not be too impressed. "Sorry I screwed that up for you." He quickly looked away and returned to the bar when she him caught him staring at her. "Quite alright." He placed his glass on the bartop. "I'm assuming Simon doesn't know you're here." "Nope." "Okay." He rubbed his chin. "Well, how about some pizza and a movie, then I drive you home, okay?" She nodded. "I'm good with that." He grabbed his cell phone. "Is it pathetic that I have Pizza Hut on speed dial?" Ella held up her pointer finger and thumb. "Just a little." *** It was a little after midnight when Ella tossed the pizza crust back into the box sitting on the floor. "Oh my God, you have to give me another." She laughed as she waited to hear another one of Steven's crazy pickup lines. "Another? Okay. How about this one?" Steven crooked his finger and motioned for her to move closer. "What?" He continued to motion for her to come to him. She playfully rolled her eyes and scooted closer. He leaned over and whispered, "I knew if I fingered you long enough, you'd come." Ella burst into a fit of giggles. They camped out on his living room floor to watch two of Steven's favorite Vince Vaughn movies: Old School and The Wedding Crashers. It had been a long time since she'd laughed so hard and she was glad he had let her stay. "You liked that, didn't you?" he chuckled, taking another bite of pizza. "And girls actually fell for that?" she said, wiping a tear away. "Oh yeah. Didn't you know laughter was a strong aphrodisiac?" "I guess so." Steven smiled and sipped his beer. "So, what's up with this guy you're dating?" "What guy?" "I don't know. Simon said you were dating some guy from school." "Simon talks about me?" Ella assumed he avoided conversations about her like the plague. "Yeah." "What does he say?" "What? I'm supposed to betray my friends trust for a pretty smile. Tempting, but no." She stretched her legs out. "Fine. And besides, I'm not dating anyone. He's just a friend." "Just a friend, huh? I know all about that," Steven teased. "Whatever," she said as she giggled and sipped her cherry soda. But when she looked at him, he studied her face, as if he was trying to read her. Feeling uncomfortable, Ella glanced at the blank TV screen. "So, Simon said you were too good for this guy." Ella almost choked. "What?" she asked, setting her drink down. "That's a laugh." "Why?" "Well, one, he doesn't know anything about Nolan and two, I'm sure most would think he's too good for me." "Why would they think that?" he asked, glancing at her legs and then back to her face. Ella twisted the stem from the cherry in her drink until it detached. "Wanna see something?" She placed the stem in her mouth and after about ten seconds, she removed the stem which was now tied in a knot. "Ta dah," she whispered, embarrassed she had done something so immature in front of him. "Nice. I'm sure you have lots of hidden talents," Steven said, leaning back and placing his arm on the sofa cushion. "But you didn't answer my question. Why would they think that?" Ella shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, he's a good guy, you know. People don't really look at me the same way." "Explain." Ella wanted to move away from this subject, but she knew Steven wasn't dropping it anytime soon. "Okay, well, he didn't even lose his virginity until freshman year. I'm, well, way beyond that." Steven leaned closer to her. "So. You like sex, that's not a crime." Truthfully, she hadn't enjoyed sex most of the time. It was just something boys wanted to do with her and she usually complied out of lack of anything better to do. It wasn't until Simon, that she began to understand how wonderful being with a man could be. She loved every intimate moment with him. "Well, some people think it is." "Well, some people suck." Ella laughed then sighed. "I wonder why he thinks I'm too good for Nolan," she said, more to herself than Steven. "Probably that weird protective father thing. You know, no one will ever be good enough," he said, rolling his eyes. Ella smiled at the thought. She knew if he did have those feelings, it wasn't in a fatherly way. But she still needed to play it down. "Well, considering he doesn't like me much, I guess that's kinda nice." "Why do you think that?" "Come on Steven, you've seen us fight. We're like oil and water." He smirked. "And none of that is your fault, is it?" "I'm not saying that, but you have to admit that he can be an asshole. Why is that?" she asked. "Why are men assholes?" Steven shrugged. "Because we can be, darling and we know you'll put up with it." Ella shook her head. "Boys are much easier." He laughed. "I'm sure they are...beautiful girl like you. You probably lead them around and they just love it. Tongues wagging and everything." Ella was taken back at how honest he was. "But men...," he continued. "They won't let you do that. You have to have more than a pretty face and a tight...well, more than a pretty face to win them over. I mean take me for instance. Okay, I see a lot of women. But no one woman has had that thing that has ever made me want to give up the rest." Ella listened. Even buzzed, Steven still made a lot of sense. "Now, I'm not cynical enough to believe that the right one doesn't exist...she does. But until I find her, the world is my oyster and I'm going to enjoy every damn pearl." He winked at her. "Could you see yourself with me?" He hesitated before he chugged the rest of his drink down. He sat the bottle on the table. "What?" "I guess I didn't mean me, but someone like me. My age and in school. Or would it be embarrassing for you?" He shook his head. "Nope, it wouldn't be embarrassing. Actually, it would be kinda hot. I'd get the biggest kick out of picking you...or someone like you, up from school." Ella leaned back against the couch. "You really do say exactly what's on your mind." "Ah, you're annoyed I take it," he said. "No. I like it. It's refreshing." "Well, I don't usually get a positive response for my honesty." "Well, I like it," she whispered, scanning over his face. Being this close to him made her think of Simon. She wondered what he was doing in that exact moment. She stared into Steven's face until it blurred and resembled Simon's. "I normally don't ask girls this, but what are you thinking about?" Her eyes drifted to his mouth. "You and Simon kinda look alike." "Oh, really?" he asked raising a brow. "His brown hair and blue eyes and my blond hair and green eyes really favor each other." Ella ignored his sarcastic reply and continued to observe him. Well, maybe they didn't look so much alike, but he was the closest person to Simon. An exciting and dangerous thought floated through her head. If she closed her eyes, maybe he could be Simon for one night. He could replace what had been ripped from her. At least for a few hours. She glanced past him, down the hallway. He followed her eye path, before turning back around. His eyes roamed over her body. Ella became embarrassed by her thoughts, as if he could read them. He wasn't Simon. She quickly slid up to the couch, breaking the awkward moment. "Do you know why Simon and my mom left?" Ella asked. "Do you?" he asked moving up to the couch. "Yep. He cheated on her." It sounded strange to say it out loud. Steven nodded. "Yeah, I figured." "He told you?" "No, not really. But he's been my best friend since forever, so I could tell something was different. He was on edge a lot. It was weird." "Do you know who she is?" Steven's emerald eyes narrowed. "No. But I have my suspicions." Ella swallowed and turned her attention to her toes. "Really, who?" "Now what kind of friend would I be if I told you?" "Please?" Did Steven have some other woman in mind? "Nope and don't beg. It's a turn on." Ella's mind raced. "Have you met her?" Her skin tingled as a small smile formed across his lips. "I'm going to bed before I say or do something stupid." A silence passed between them as he shifted awkwardly then said, "Don't worry about Simon and your mom. I know he loves her a lot and he'll try to make things right." She nodded and her face didn't betray how much it hurt to hear those words. "Are you gonna be okay?" "As long as I remember how to get to the bathroom, I'll be fine," he said over his shoulder before he wobbled to his room. "Goodnight," she whispered to no one particular. ********** Patricia It had been a while since Patricia had worn a bikini in front of her husband. And although she had always been proud of her body, she felt self-conscious now that she would be compared to his nineteen-year-old lover. She quickly unwrapped the towel and sat down in the steamy water. "You look gorgeous," he said from across the hot tub. "Thank you." "Stunning, in fact. Mind if I come a little closer?" he asked with his signature smile. She shook her head and giggled, feeling like a school girl. He stood and took a step to sit right beside her. Patricia placed her hands on top of the water. "Things I've learned about myself. I can't ski. Not even a little bit." Simon laughed. "Oh come on honey, you weren't that bad." "I was awful. I saw a three year old go by me." "Yeah, I saw that too," Simon said before he burst into laughter. "I saw you give her a nasty look." "Well, she was a little arrogant, don't you think?" Patricia grinned and sank down further into the water, letting it massage her neck. "Simon?" "Yeah?" Now was the time. She had to clear up this confusion before they left tomorrow to trek back into a life that she thought she knew but now didn't. She turned away from him and played with the water. "Is it because we don't have sex as much as we use to?" "Patricia, no. I don't want you to think that's the reason." "Then what is the reason? I know we've been avoiding it, but I guess now I have to ask." He took a sharp breath. "You know, for the past few days I thought about how I was going to answer that. I rehearsed a few things that all sounded self-serving and stupid. And I don't want to lie to you, so I'll give you the conclusion that I came to. And it's that I don't know. I'm still searching. But what I do know is that I'm sorry, that it won't happen again and that I love you." A part of her felt relieved because he sounded so sincere. At least he couldn't pin point the blame on her yet. But her uncertainty remained. "I want to believe you but how can you be sure it won't happen again when you don't know why it happened in the first place?" "I just know—" His voice broke. "I know I never want to hurt you like this ever again." Patricia felt something she hadn't in over a month: hope. "When you do find the reason, promise that you'll share it with me." "I promise." They sat in silence and for the first time in weeks, it felt comfortable. Patricia moved closer, unsure what to do next. She had avoided contact with him because it just seemed like the right thing to do under the circumstances. But the affair had come and gone and she was still standing. Simon furrowed his brow. "You don't ever need an invitation to touch me." Patricia smiled and straddled his lap. She studied his face. His blue eyes set beneath brown eyebrows and thick brown eyelashes. She could see the slight outline of his five o'clock shadow. Her eyes dipped down lower to his defined sturdy chest. She knew what this other woman saw in him. He had been perfect in her eyes. Handsome, smart, funny, kind and a spectacular lover. In her mind that seemed like the prototype for the perfect man. Perfect had it not been for her. She mindlessly traced her fingers over his chest. "Is she pretty?" He sighed and pressed his back against the wall of the tub. "Patricia, I don't think this is a good idea." "I just want to know what I'm up against." "You're not up against anything. I told you, it's over with her. Finished. Done." "She's pretty." Patricia ducked her head, to avoid seeing the truth he couldn't hide. Simon tilted her chin up until her eyes met his. So earnest. So blue. "And you're beautiful," he said quietly. "I lost sight of how many ways." "Did you love her?" He tensed. "N—No." She wanted to ignore the slight pause, but she couldn't. "You hesitated." "No, I didn't." "Yes, you did. You hesitated," she said out of breath. She had only entertained the idea that Simon enjoyed sex with another woman. Not that he could have been in love with her. A slow dull ache penetrated her insides and settled in her stomach. Anger sprang up hot and fast. "How many others were there?" she demanded. Did this nineteen-year-old hold a special place in his heart or was she just one in a string of women? Patricia couldn't decide which was worse. The muscle in his jaw worked. "There was no one else but her. Patricia, I love you. End of story," she heard him say while her mind raced. God, she felt so stupid. If she hadn't asked that question, things would have been fine. Before that question, she had wanted him to take her to bed. Before that question, she truly believed all would be okay. "I'm tired. I'm going to turn in early." She rose up from the water but Simon caught her waist and pulled her back down. "Patricia," he said, gently turning her face toward him. "I don't love her. I love you. Okay?" She wanted to believe him more than anything else in the world, but she heard the lack of conviction in her own voice when she said, "Okay." "I hate I made you doubt every word I say. I'm so sorry." "I know. I believe that," she said as she smoothed his arms. Simon kissed her, his lips tentative, sweet then insistent against hers. Patricia shut her eyes, blocking out all else. She only wanted to feel her husband in that moment. His lips. His tongue. The warmth of his mouth. ********** Gabriella "Oh, my God," Ella heard Steven say in a groggy voice when he found her in his kitchen. He scratched his head and poured a cup of coffee. "I didn't know you spent the night. I didn't do anything inappropriate, did I?" Ella laughed and removed the waffle from the iron. "No. I slept on the sofa. I hope that was okay." "Yeah, I guess its fine. If you're okay with it." "I'm fine." He leaned against the counter and rubbed a hand down his face. "So...I was thinking that we should keep this to ourselves, you know?" "Sure." "It's just that, well, I know Simon and he would be highly pissed at me. I mean, it's not like we're lying to him, right? I just feel that if it doesn't come up in a casual conversation, no sense in mentioning it." "I won't say a word," she said. "Okay. Thanks. So, now that that's out of the way, what have we got here?" he said rubbing his hands together. "Waffles, bacon, eggs and fruit." "This looks good. You know, I don't think a girl has ever cooked breakfast for me," he said, setting his coffee down to load up a plate. Gabriella Ch. 04 "Well, you'd have to actually let them spend the night for that, Steven." "Ouch." Ella fixed her plate and sat down beside him. Her nerves were on edge. Simon would be back today. Steven shoved bacon into his mouth. "All this came from my fridge?" Ella took a bite and nodded. "Figures. I never reach past the beer." She watched him tear through his bare waffle. "You don't use syrup?" "Nah, I don't like sweet stuff. Well, with the exception of beautiful young girls who cook me breakfast," he said with a wink. Ella's skin warmed. "Simon doesn't like syrup either." Why did she divulge that information? She hoped her comment didn't raise Steven's suspicions. "Hmm, I didn't know that. Always knew we were brothers from another mother," he said, seemingly missing any significance to her remark. He licked his fingers one by one. "So, this is all cool, right? There's nothing weird between us now, is there?" "Weird like how?" "Well, you know, we were hanging out last night. I just want to make sure there's no weird vibes or anything." Ella sat back. "Steven, would you calm down if I told you that I had no desire whatsoever to sleep with you?" "Ow, that kinda hurt." He rubbed his chest. "But yeah, it does make me feel better. Don't have to worry about you stalking me like so many of the ladies." Ella laughed as Steven popped the last piece of strawberry into his mouth. "I need to get you home before they get back. I'll be out of the shower and ready to go in fifteen minutes. Cool?" She nodded. "Cool." A part of her was so happy Simon was coming home today, but another part knew that his bond with her mom was probably stronger while hers was weakening by the day. Everything was as it should be. Ella glanced down at her food, her appetite now gone. ********** Simon "Jeez, slow down man," Steven said. Simon was halfway through his second beer while they waited for Pete and Tek to arrive at the bar. He and Patricia had been back for a week. On the surface, things seemed to be back to normal, but underneath he knew that he had fucked up when he hesitated. And he still didn't know why he had. But Patricia was at least talking to him and on occasion laughing. Gabriella was another story. He hadn't seen much of her since his return. She was at school during the day and managed to stay gone at night, just barely making it home right as he and Patricia headed to bed. Their only real contact was if Nolan couldn't take her to school in the morning. Even then, she would stay occupied with her iPhone or just stare out of the window. But he knew it was for the best. Being too close to her made his senses loopy. Right and wrong flew out the window while he chased what he wanted in that moment. That loss of control was never a good thing for him. "Hey, over here!" Steven shouted. Pete and Tek walked over. Steven and Simon both stood to let the other men slide in first. "What the hell?" Pete said, sitting down. "Why do we have to sit on the inside?" "My legs are longer than yours," Simon answered. Tek, who stood about the same height as Steven, looked at him for an answer. Steven scoffed at him. "Oh please, I'm an outside guy all the way." "Anyway, sorry so late. Liz was being difficult," Pete said. Simon knew it was coming. Every time Pete and Steven hung out the two went at it because of Pete's wife. But why Pete continued to confide in Steven about his marital problems eluded him. "Difficult?" Steven drained the rest of his beer. "I'm sorry, but is she ever anything other than difficult? I thought that was kind of the standard for her." "Look, she had my keys and wouldn't give them to me. She's afraid I'm gonna try to drive drunk one of these days hanging out with you jackasses." "No, what she has is your balls in her purse," Steven quipped. Tek snickered while Simon grinned behind his bottle. "Fuck you!" Pete said. Steven offered him a beer. "Jeez, it was a joke. Lighten up." Pete twisted the top off and took a sip before he spoke. "Well, lay off my wife, will ya?" "Okay, okay, no more wife jokes. Although speaking of lay, I swear if you just switched your style up in bed, you two would fight less." "What?" Pete asked, leaning forward. Simon set his drink down and placed his hand on Pete's shoulder. Even though Pete was a small guy, a man can only take so much. And Steven never knew when to shut up. "Steven, knock it off." "What? I'm trying to help the man out. I mean, don't they just look like a missionary couple? I'm trying to broaden his horizons...make her see stars and shit so she'll leave him the hell alone. But now that I think about it, she's more dominant, so maybe she's on top. I can see her being like an air traffic controller." "You think that's funny, huh?" Pete asked. Steven smirked. "Actually I do." Pete's mouth twisted into a grin. "Yeah, maybe it is. Almost as funny as your Ella-Holly mix up." Simon noticed the awkward exchange between Pete and Steven before he turned back to Pete. "The what?" "Oh, well, I don't tell it as well as Steven. And since he likes to talk so fucking much, I'll let him have the floor." A stare-down between Steven and Pete followed. "What Ella mix up?" Steven cracked his knuckles; a tell-tale sign of nervousness. "Look Simon, don't get all pissed at me okay? Seriously, it's not a big deal." "What the fuck did he mean 'Ella mix up'?" Simon asked. "Pete, word to the wise, when I tell you a secret, keep it asshole," Steven said. Simon felt his blood heat up as he waited for one of them to answer him. "Okay, you might find this funny, but when you and Patricia went out of town last weekend, Ella came over. She just showed up at my door step while I had a girl over. Holly. Remember the tall brunette from Fisher's birthday party?" Steven explained. Simon prayed he could find some humor in this story. "Um, well anyway, it was kinda funny because Holly got all pissed, thinking I was seeing Ella on the side." Steven took a sip of his beer. "And before you say anything, nothing happened, man. I never touched her, I swear to God. She just came over and we hung out for a while," he said, raising his hands as if to surrender. "Although she did spend the night," Pete chimed in, now leaning back against the booth. "You know what? Kiss my ass," Steven replied. "That's the last time I ever tell you anything." Pete smirked. "Payback's a bitch, isn't it?" "Asshole," Steven muttered. Simon couldn't wrap his head around it. Gabriella had spent the night with Steven? Images of her moaning underneath his friend flooded his eyes. He couldn't breathe. "Look, it was no big deal, I swear. I didn't even know she had slept over until the next morning. She slept on the sofa, made me breakfast and then I took her home." Simon shook his head and removed a twenty from his wallet. He slammed it down on the table, grabbed his helmet and rushed out. His body trembled from anger. . "Oh, come on man! Wait a second!" he heard Steven call out from behind. He needed to get the hell away from here before he did something he regretted. The parking lot was quiet until the bar doors opened and the rowdiness from inside tumbled into the street. Simon exhaled, praying it wasn't Steven who followed him out. "Simon, look it wasn't a big deal okay. And this is why I didn't tell you. Because I knew you'd get pissed. And I shouldn't have told Pete, I just wanted someone else's advice about what I should have done." "You should have sent her home," he hollered back, not bothering to turn around. Simon just needed to get to his bike. He heard Tek in the distance telling him to come back into the bar. They all could go to hell if they had been keeping this from him. His jaw hurt from clamping it. "Simon, come on man. I mean, you know how she is," Steven said. Simon turned around and took a threatening step toward Steven. "What the fuck does that mean?" "Dude, do not answer that," Tek whispered. Steven shrugged. "Look, she's the one that showed up at my place. Not the other way around. Besides, she's pretty good company," he said. "Wait, that came out—" Those were the last words to leave Steven's mouth before he was crouched on the ground cupping his bloody nose. "Son of a bitch!" Steven shouted. Simon shook off his hand, his knuckles throbbing from swinging full force into his best friend's face. Tek laughed. "Oh shit, are you okay man?" he asked, standing over Steven. Simon placed his helmet on and tore out of the parking lot. *** He slammed the front door harder than he intended when arrived at home. Thank God Patricia was out with Myra tonight because alcohol was about to become his closest friend. Adrenaline coursed through his blood. Steven insisted that nothing happened and he had never lied before. But he knew his friend and he knew Gabriella. He slung off his jacket and headed for the kitchen. A beer wouldn't do. Tonight he needed something stronger. He found an old bottle of scotch in the cabinet and poured himself a shot. It burned a line down his throat but it didn't burn off his anger. He poured another shot and that's when his eyes connected with Gabriella's. She stood in the kitchen door wrapped in a pink towel as she looked back and forth between him and the bottle. He paused a moment before he chugged down the drink. Simon poured another glass and brought it to his lips. He shook his head and chuckled before he drank. Life could be so cruel. Had he just waited another two minutes at the bar, he wouldn't have caught the sight of her wet skin. "Where's my mom?" "Out." He refilled the glass. Three was usually his limit, but fuck it. Gabriella rolled her eyes. "Well, I figured that much." She gripped the towel tighter, his cue to stop staring at her. He grabbed the bottle and glass and sat down at the table. "Are you okay?" "Nope." "What's wrong?" Simon placed his head in his hands. "Is this how things are going to work between us? I hurt you, so you see how deep you can cut me? Because if it is, I'm out." Her confused expression annoyed him. "I'm not going to play that game with you." "What are you talking about? What happened?" "I just punched my best friend of nineteen years in the face tonight." "What? Why?" He shook his head again and poured another glass, but he didn't drink. "Oh," she whispered. "Simon, nothing happened." "Then why the fuck were you there?" he yelled, louder than he intended. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't owe you an explanation. If I want to hang out with Nolan all day, I can. Or if I want to go visit Steven, I can." "He's my best friend, Gabriella!" Simon stood abruptly and knocked his drink onto the floor, shattering pieces of glass everywhere. She glanced to the floor and then to him, her brown eyes wide and frightened. This girl was going to be the death of him. It was inevitable. "But I guess that doesn't matter to you. I'm sure you've come between several friends before." "You're just saying that because you're mad." "No, I'm not mad. I'm furious!" He needed to call it a night. He wasn't thinking straight and he was too pissed off to filter the insults spewing from his mouth. A cold shower and a good night's sleep would be the cure to Gabriella. Normally in a situation this volatile, he'd crash at Steven's. Pete's wasn't an option because of his Liz and Tek had a live-in girlfriend. He was trapped. "Gabriella, put some clothes on and leave me the hell alone. I'm serious," he said lowly, while he swept up the glass and emptied it into the trash. "I don't want any massages or anything else you use to get your way. Just leave me alone." She opened her mouth to speak, but retreated. Simon sat at the table with the bottle of scotch. Her stereo blasted so hard, he couldn't tell if it was his own heartbeat thumping or the bass beat. He closed his eyes, but all he could focus on was Gabriella wearing that tiny pink towel for Steven. He opened his eyes, the beat penetrating through to his head. Simon took several deep breaths and looked toward the hallway. His eyes zoned in on the small droplets of water that she had left behind. Now past images of he and Gabriella surfaced. Her straddling him in his office chair, her on her hands and knees on the couch, her clinging beneath him as he fucked her with abandon. His eyes focused on the water as it began to dry. He wondered if she had taken a shower at Steven's. Fuck... He followed the drying water droplets until they led him to her door. He pushed it open to find her in a short black skirt. Only the lacy straps of her black bra interrupted the line of her back. He stepped through the door and glanced down at her iPod. The one he bought for her before their affair had begun. She hadn't asked for it but he knew all the kids had one. But she never asked for anything. New clothes, phones and mp3's. Nothing. He wondered if it was a pride thing or if times had been harder for her and Patricia than either of them let on. His mind pulled him one way, his body the other. He hit pause on the iPod, causing her to jump. She sent him a quizzical look. His eyes scanned her chest, the soft swell of her breasts sitting high in the cups of her bra. "Why did you go over there?" She rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips. "Nothing happened. We ate pizza and watched some movies. That's it." Simon dropped his gaze to the floor. "Why-did-you-go-over-there?" She sighed. "Because I was bored, okay?" She's pretty good company... He smirked. "Bored, huh?" He shook his head and took a step toward her. "How often do guys get the pleasure of your boredom?" Her tiny hand caught his cheek and the left side of his nose. Simon felt like his face had exploded. Given his buzzed state, he couldn't have avoided the slap even though he should have expected it. "Get out!" Her voice trembled. "Gabriella—" "No. Leave. I mean it." She opened a drawer. "You would never say things like that to her—just me." Simon took another step closer. "Why can't you understand how hard this whole situation is for me? This isn't the man I wanted to be." She turned around. "But I haven't done anything to you except give you what you wanted. But you've made it perfectly clear that you don't want me. So if that's the case, then just leave me the hell alone." Simon closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose. If only it were that simple. "I can't," he said in a defeated tone. His words hung heavy in the air. Words that he wished he could take back. "What are you saying?" she asked. "I don't know what I'm saying. Christ, I am so fucked," he muttered. "Simon?" He heard her calling him, but he couldn't look at her. Not yet. He was too ashamed. He had never been so weak in all his life. He needed to leave before he made things much worse. Before he lost all common sense again. "Simon, look at me," she whispered. He slowly opened his eyes as she lifted her hand to his face, the side that was still stinging. Her gentle touch made him turn his head to kiss her wrist. Their eyes met and the last bit of resistance he had flew away. He devoured her lips while his hands roamed over her body and beneath her skirt. His tongue tangled with hers as she moaned into his mouth. He placed her on top of the dresser and lowered his kisses to her neck. The scent of strawberries clung to her soft skin. "Simon," she whimpered, her hands fumbling with his belt. "Tell me no," he whispered in between kisses. His head felt light while his dick strained against the zipper of his jeans begging for release. Simon," she moaned again when his hands gripped the string of her panties to tug them down her legs. His fingers brushed against her hot sex. "Gabriella, please tell me no," he begged, about to kiss her again, when she turned her head away. She clamped her legs shut, trapping his hand between her thighs. He was about to speak when she glanced up at him, wide eyed. Then he heard it. A door closed and voices carried through the house. * Thank you all for reading and hope you enjoyed chapter 4:-) I plan to have chapter 5 out soon. My usual thanks to Kaia, my bookend, for being such an inspiration and friend. And to August and her magic in polishing my chapters. Couldn't do it w/o you ladies! Soular Gabriella Ch. 05 Simon Simon brushed a hand through his hair and adjusted his pants as he hurried out of Gabriella's bedroom. He prayed his hard-on wasn't visible when he got closer to the living room and found Patricia and Myra sitting on the couch. "Hey," Patricia said. "I thought you'd be out with the guys tonight." He shrugged. "Decided to call it an early night. How was the band?" "Oh, they were good but it was just too crowded for my taste." She took a sip from her glass of water then stood without her usual gracefulness. "We were gonna go grab some food, but first, I have to change out of these shoes. Never again," she said with a laugh. "They were killing me." "But you look sexy in them," Simon said, observing her satin belted vest, matching gray trousers and her black stilettos. He played it cool, but his heart was beating rapidly and his head hurt. Maybe his mind was finally going. He had to be the dumbest smart man he knew. "Thank you. Maybe on special occasions then." "Deal." "Okay, I'll be back in a sec," she said to Myra. Simon folded his arms and plastered on a smile. He couldn't read the expression in Myra's honey brown eyes. Eyes that seemed to narrow when he caught her watching him. She had naturally tanned skin and a curvy frame, attributable to her Spanish heritage. Minus the permanent scowl on her face, she was quite attractive. "So Myra, what's new?" "Not much. Same shit, different day." Her gaze headed towards his crotch. Paranoia set in. He prayed his pants were fully zipped because he wasn't about to check. "I hear you on that one." Her light brown eyes shot back up to his face. "You look flushed. Exercising perhaps?" Simon smiled. "Perhaps." "You do it with Ella?" His smile vanished, his eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?" "Were you exercising with Ella? She has a nice body, keeps in shape. Just wondering if you two ever do it together. I've seen you with that flushed look before." The living room sweltered as panic set in. But on the surface Simon remained calm. He couldn't stand this bitch. She had never uttered more than a few words to him before tonight. "Hmm. Didn't realize you kept up with me," he shot back. She smiled. "How is Ella? Oh, I'm sorry, Gabriella—that's your special name for her, right?" "It's not special, it's her name," Simon deadpanned. "Yeah, that's right," Myra answered flatly, before Patricia returned. "Ready?" Patricia asked. "Yep. Um, do you think we should invite Ella?" Myra asked. Patricia looked confused. "Is she even here?" Simon stuck his hands in his pockets and nodded. A part of him prayed they would take her. The moment they left, there was no guarantee he wouldn't end up in her bedroom. No matter how much he was chanting stay away in his head, he hadn't been doing a good job of listening to it. He watched Patricia's eyes as she thought about it. Please take her, please take her... Finally, she shook her head. "She usually doesn't like stuff like this. I'm sure she's fine. She's probably going out anyway." Simon hadn't realized he had been holding his breath until that moment. Myra pivoted towards him. "Well, I just wanted to give her the option instead of being stuck here. You know, give Simon some peace and quiet." Simon bit back the fuck you that waited on the tip of his tongue as anger transformed into anxiousness. How could Myra know anything? Patricia reached for her purse and her jacket. "I think she'll be fine." Myra nodded and went to her car. Patricia kissed him on the cheek Gabriella had struck and caressed minutes before. Simon's heart skipped a beat when she frowned. Did she notice anything? "Take it easy on the drinking," she told him before she joined Myra. Simon considered the scotch he left on the kitchen table. His judgment was already shaky so he placed the bottle back in the cabinet. "Simon," Gabriella's soft voice carried from the door. But he refused to look at her. Instead he chose to focus on the cabinet which held the scotch. "What did you mean 'you can't'?" she asked. His mind was in such a haze, it took him a moment to realize what she meant. But to answer that question would reveal too much. Why couldn't he leave her alone? How do you explain that space between more than sex but less than love? Does such a place even exist? She moved further into the kitchen but his eyes remained glued to the cabinet holding the current answer to all his problems. Now he understood why his father drank so much. "Simon?" He turned to her and his eyes quickly drank in her revealing top and tight skirt...the same skirt his hands were beneath just moments earlier. "Where are you going?" He wasn't even sure if he cared. Normally he would have invested more interest but tonight was an exception. Simon wanted her far away. She leaned against the door frame. "Nowhere, if you want me to stay." Her eyes held his before he stared back out into nothing. He did want her to stay and that was the problem. Separating want from need was like splitting a thin thread in half. Next to impossible when it came to Gabriella. "Don't stay out late," was all he could think to say. "Answer my question." That was Simon's cue to leave. He hurried past her and down the hall. She scoffed. "So that's it? You're going back to ignoring me?" Her voice was laced with hurt. But he couldn't turn around. Her footsteps sounded behind him. "Simon! Why do you keep—" He slammed his bedroom door behind him and locked it, cutting off the invisible strand that normally pulled him in the wrong direction. "I'm not going to follow you again!" she shouted through the thick oak. "I mean it. Not unless you talk to me and tell me the truth." Simon focused on the unmade bed, wanting to propel his body forward and pass out. He had yet to hear her footsteps retreat. She was waiting for him. In the past he would have opened the door, dragged her back into her room and satisfied both their needs. He felt his body betray him. His fingers clung to the door knob, while his mind wrestled with the notion of right and wrong...those words becoming more muddled with each passing day. He couldn't hear her breathing, but knew she was still on the other side. His head hurt as the scotch churned in his stomach. Please leave... A moment later her hurried footsteps echoed down the hall before the front door opened and closed. Simon finally released the door handle and slumped down on his bed. His knuckles ached courtesy of the grip he held on the knob and the bridge of Steven's nose. It could be fractured but he deserved an uncomfortable reminder of what a failure he had become. ********** Patricia "Oh my God, Patricia. Don't let me eat another cheese fry," Myra pleaded over the loud music, as she stuffed two into her mouth. "Damn this cursed no-carb diet. I just want to unload a bread truck in my mouth." Patricia laughed. "Myra Sanchez! And you had done so well." She pulled the basket away. Patricia glanced around the crowded restaurant. She was glad she had chosen to spend the night hanging out with Myra. Although her feet ached from standing in stilettos earlier, she was grateful for the distraction. Myra closed her eyes. "Mmm, but it was so good. Better than sex. I swear, you find the right carbs, dark chocolate or wine, and it can be better than sex." "Speak for yourself." "Oh, that's right. You have a husband." She rolled her eyes. "Even when I had one, he was lousy in the sack. Okay, I take that back. That's still the bitterness talking. He was phenomenal in bed. Just lousy at everything else." Patricia's smile faltered. "What's wrong?" Until now only she and Simon knew of his indiscretion. Maybe letting someone else into her confusion could help. The way she felt, it definitely couldn't make it worse. "He cheated on me. I found a stash of condoms in his desk at work and when I confronted him, he admitted to it." Myra placed her hand over Patricia's. "I'm sorry, sweetie." "I just feel so blindsided by the whole thing." Patricia mindlessly shook her head. "Rodney? Yes, I expected it. But Simon? I still can't believe it." Myra folded her arms over her chest. "He's a man, they all cheat." "I don't believe that." Patricia stuffed a fry into her mouth. "Well, the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be." The tension in Myra's voice thickened as she spoke. "Carlos, that lying sack of shit, thought he had gotten away with cheating on me. With my best friend at the time, no less." Myra never exposed the dirt within her own home, but Patricia suspected that her ex-husband had cheated. "How did you find out?" Myra sipped her soda. "What he had forgotten after eighteen years of marriage, was that I was an excellent observer. I watched his every move. Emotions, reactions. Everything. Watched her too." Patricia sat silently and listened. "So, I had this dinner party and invited her over. I watched how they constantly avoided eye contact or how she laughed too hard at one of his jokes. The quick glances here and there. I knew then. So the next day I confronted her and she broke down." Myra rolled her eyes. "All this sappy stuff about how she didn't mean to, it just happened. On what planet does fucking your best friend's husband 'just happen'?" "What did you do?" Myra smiled. "After she got done telling me her sob story, I pulled out my cell phone and said I would be calling the cops to give them a head start before I stabbed her to death." She laughed. "You should have seen her eyes! She was so scared. I'd never seen her move so fast." Patricia tried to smile, but it faded. "Can I ask you something?" Myra sipped her drink and nodded. "Why weren't you surprised when I told you that Simon had cheated?" "I just got that vibe from him, I guess." And uncomfortable silence passed over their table. Patricia rested her elbows on the table. "Myra, this is me you're talking to. You can be honest." She exhaled. "Okay. His smile never quite reaches his eyes. It's like, I don't know. I guess he seems to go through all of the motions but the feeling behind them isn't there." Patricia was hurt. "You've seen him do that with me?" "Yes." Myra's face softened. "But not all the time. Just sometimes. Besides, it's not like I'm with you guys every day. This is just my own stupid observations. Doesn't mean I can analyze your marriage." Patricia quickly wiped at the tear in the corner of her eye before she smiled. "I haven't even told you the worse." "Oh hell, what?" "She's a nineteen-year-old student," Patricia said, right before Myra spewed her drink out over the table and coughed. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, sorry," she wheezed and took a sip of water. "I'm sorry." "Shocking, I know. I mean, can't men be more creative than that? When women cheat, it's with an old lover from the past where the feelings still run deep," she said, shaking her head. "But men...it's the same story. The eighteen-year-old babysitter. Or the twenty-two-year-old dental hygienist. Or the nineteen year old college girl." "They're all dogs, sweetie. Every last one of them." Patricia raised her arms in frustration. "I mean, what the hell could he have in common with some nineteen year old girl? What life experiences could they possibly talk about?" "I'm guessing they don't do much talking, which is kind of the point." She looked away, remembering Simon's hesitation when she asked him if he loved this other woman. No, they definitely talked...among other things. Myra squeezed her hand again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." "No, it's okay. I'm just so lost. Everything seemed perfect until it broke." "That's life, you know." "That's what my mom would have said," Patricia whispered to herself. "We don't have to talk about this." "No, it's okay. I kinda want to get it off my chest." "Okay. Only if you want to. But I am curious, what else did he say about this college girl?" "He won't give me much. But I guess it's for the best since I start thinking the worst. Some young gorgeous, perfect body seductress who has done everything imaginable with my—I can't even think about this anymore." Patricia placed her head in her hands. "Okay, okay, let's not ruin tonight. And besides, my momma always told me what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." Patricia gave an exhausted smile. "What if it does kill you?" Myra waved for the waiter to come over. "No matter what happens, you'll be okay, Patricia. Just remember to breathe and place one foot in front of the other." Patricia nodded and stood. "That's what I'm trying to do." But she wasn't sure it was enough. ********** Gabriella Ella's rear end was numb from sitting on the hard cold park bench for the past thirty minutes. But she couldn't have stayed in that house a minute longer. She pulled her jacket tighter and watched the gray veil of smoke she blew out mingle with the night above. She was done. She had become okay with letting boys into her body but not her heart. Her mother had shown her how falling in love with the wrong man could leave you as an empty shell. Her own father had done it. Ella promised to be smarter. And she had been. Never letting any guy too close. It wasn't so hard to keep them at a distance emotionally. Most high school and college boys only wanted one thing. They were like eager puppies humping someone's leg. Even some of the older men she had been with didn't mind at all that there was no emotional attachment. It was an even exchange. They got what they wanted and Ella cured her boredom and loneliness for a few moments. No one got hurt. Until Simon. He was breaking all of her rules and he didn't even know it. He didn't understand the hold he had on her. Over her. She was in love with him. Ella shielded her eyes from the fluorescent glow of the car lights pulling up. The car door opened as she tossed her cigarette on the ground and smashed it into the cement. "Sorry I woke you," she said when Nolan approached, his hands lodged in his pocket. He smiled though his eyes were heavy. "Nah, don't worry about it. I'm just glad you called." She stood and stretched. "Mind if we get out of here?" "My chariot awaits. Where do you wanna go?" "Doesn't matter. Anywhere but here. Your place?" she asked, sliding into his car. Nolan smiled. "Sure." On the ride over to Nolan's apartment, Ella kept stealing glances at his profile. He was a nice guy. Handsome even, in a soft way. His shaggy, blond hair fell across his forehead, making him look more like a man-child. No one could mistake Simon for a child. He was a man through and through. Even now, she couldn't help but make comparisons. Actually, there was no comparison. Nolan was a great guy and the healthiest choice for her. But her stomach did somersaults when Simon merely passed her in the hallway. When he brushed against her, she physically felt electric waves passing over her skin. No comparison at all. Nolan pulled up to a lavish apartment complex. A marble fountain and statues rested in the center of a huge circular stone driveway that lead to the entrance of the building. "Wow, this is nice," Ella announced as they walked inside his place. It wasn't the tidiest apartment she had ever been in, but it was spacious. In true college guy fashion, he had a throng of Playboy and Maxim magazines strewn across his coffee table and the latest in HD technology with a hoard of DVD's lined up. "Why didn't you want to live on campus? I thought you kinda had to live in the athletic dorms." "Nah. My dad is good friends with the athletic director, so even though I'm a sophomore, I didn't have to live on campus." "Hmm, how did that go over with the rest of the team?" Nolan chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, not to well at first. Freshman year I got my share of practical jokes. But they realized I was a tough son-of-a-bitch on the field, so the upperclassman excused my father's meddling. He just didn't want me to have any distractions." Ella smiled and inspected the sparsely furnished living room before she turned back to him. "Am I a distraction?" He gave her a slow examination. "I think he would qualify you as one." "Where's your room?" Nolan grinned and took a few steps backwards before he turned around and led her down the hall. Sports memorabilia littered his walls. A MAC laptop sat on top of a desk. If Nolan's father had pull with the football program, paying for this apartment and all the expensive things scattered about, then his family definitely had money. Ella never suspected it because Nolan never dropped names and carried himself like a regular guy. Ella sat on his navy comforter. "You want to play professionally?" He sat beside her. "I'm sure it would be nice. But I don't want to be one of those forty-five year old guys who can barely lift his kids." "You want kids?" His face lit up. "Oh, yeah! Absolutely. A bunch of them." "Really?" "Yep. How about you? You want any?" Ella picked at the thread on her sleeve. "I don't think I would be a good mother." "Sure you would." "You think?" "Yeah. I bet you'll surprise yourself." Motherhood wasn't something that the women in her family specialized in. She knew nothing of her grandmother other than that her mother didn't have a relationship with her. And Ella's relationship with Patricia lacked the foundation of a normal mother/daughter relationship. But it wasn't all on her mom. She could have made more of an effort over the years, but the more she craved a connection, the angrier she became when she realized they would never be close. The anger had died and her mother became a shadow in their apartment. Eventually, Ella stopped caring and came to rely on doors opening and closing and the occasional answering of the phone as the only evidence her mother still lived at home. "What are you thinking about?" Nolan asked. "Nothing. Actually, I'm pretty tired. Mind if I lie down for a few minutes?" "Of course." He pulled the cover back from his bed. Ella half-expected to see rocket ships on the sheets. "Um, my sheets are clean. I promise." "I don't want to impose. I can take the couch." "No, you're the guest. I'll take the couch. ." "Okay. Thank you." Ella slipped off her shoes. Nolan stood like a statue by the door. "So, just yell if you need anything." She did need something. She wasn't ready to be alone. Falling asleep alone was the worst part of her day. "Wanna lie beside me?" His eyes widened. "Yeah! I mean, you sure?" Ella nodded. Nolan pulled off his shirt and walked toward her. *** The fire continued to burn while Ella screamed, but no sound came out. Her voice was gone. Muted while her hands were bound. She watched in horror as her mother and Simon waved from the window in the house that was burning to the ground. Smiles remained plastered on their faces as the beams in the house collapsed. She closed her eyes. When she opened them, the sweltering heat rushed up her backside. She was standing in the house as flames engulfed the room. She turned to the window to see her mother and Simon in the yard looking at her trapped in the blazing fire, still waving with the same plastic smiles. She screamed for help, but again, nothing came out. The bands that were crushing her wrist felt softer. She looked behind her to find a young girl holding her wrist. Her eyes were hollow as she gripped Ella tighter, refusing to let her leave. The house burned down around them as Ella stared at the younger version of herself, dying with her. "Are you okay?" she heard someone ask. "Ella!" Ella gasped and sat upright. Everything was dark as she pulled away from the arms that were grabbing at her. Suddenly the room was flooded with light. Gabriella Ch. 05 "Ella, are you okay?" Nolan asked, rushing back to the bed. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I just—sorry." "Don't be sorry, I was just scared. You weren't waking up but you were kicking and screaming. You sure you're okay?" His expression was worried. Ella sighed and pushed her hair from her face. She hated being a problem. "No, I'm fine. Too many scary movies, I guess." She flashed a weak smile. His smile was crooked, but it didn't reach his eyes. He didn't believe her. But Ella was too tired to discuss it further. "Seriously, I'm okay. Wanna come back to bed? I'll make it up to you." Nolan stared at her for a few moments before he glanced at the clock. "It's like six in the morning. I have to get up soon." She had to let go of Simon. He would never be hers. He loved her mother and maybe that's the way it was always going to be. Good girls always win. She would remain the secret. Ella slipped off her shirt and unsnapped her bra before Nolan could utter another word. She smiled when his eyes fell to her breasts and remained. She kneeled on the bed and motioned for him to come to her. She laughed when he tripped trying to pull his shoes off and run to her at the same time. He clumsily removed his belt, before she gripped it and yanked him closer, almost throwing him off balance. "Are you sure?" he whispered, his calloused hands already running over her back. Ella nodded. She didn't want to talk. She just wanted to feel. Or forget. "Whoa!" One hard tug and Nolan hit the bed. She removed the remainder of her clothes before letting his erection spring free. "Oh shit," he whispered, as she took him into her mouth. He tried to hold her eyes as long as he could, before they rolled and his head dropped back down on the pillow. Ella didn't particularly enjoy giving head, but she was good at it. Most women overestimated it, and want to engulf the entire shaft. But Ella had learned the secret years ago. Focus on the head and use her hands on the base. "Oh God," he moaned, as his hands tangled in her hair. She pulled away and faced away from him as she straddled his lap. She guided his hard cock toward the entrance of her pussy. It had been a while since she had been with anyone other than Simon. She hesitated when his wet tip touched her sensitive lips. Simon wasn't hers. Ella closed her eyes and rocked her body over Nolan's until he fit completely inside her. She exhaled and began moving in slow circular motions. She arched forward and gripped his sheets for more leverage. "Fuck," he breathed out. The blood from his feet drained down, leaving his toes pale as they flexed and curled the harder she rode him. His large hands gripped her waist, squeezing her tightly...uncomfortably. Ella looked toward the ceiling and closed her eyes. She concentrated on the feeling of being filled, but only one image burned beneath her eyelids. She would sell her soul for that image to be the man beneath her. "Ella." The one word spoken forced her eyes open. Simon would have never said that. Even the first time she met him, he said he favored Gabriella over Ella, asked if he could call her that instead. Back then she had shrugged and not given him another thought. But she hadn't minded and actually preferred it. "Call me Gabriella," she said, lifting her thighs and slowly gripping him before she settled back down on his lap. "Oh, God. Huh? Yeah, I'll call you anything you want...Gabriella." She closed her eyes again, reliving the intimate moments with Simon over the past year, her favorite being a summer night at Lake Torrance. Ella wasn't sure where her mother had been that night, but she stared at Simon's face, once again completely unsure. She saw the back and forth war in his eyes and waited to find out which set of principals would win. There was only one reason to go to Lake Torrance at night. Ella had been there before, but that was her first time there with Simon. "Simon?" "What?" "Are you okay?" "No." Ella sighed and looked out of her window to the water below. She knew he was still debating all sides. Their affair had been going on for almost three months and she wondered why she didn't share his struggle. Maybe it was harder for him because he loved her mother. Ella wasn't so sure she felt the same and that troubled her. She got out of the car and peeled off her clothes, letting the summer heat engulf her body. The slight chance that someone was watching them had excited her. She opened the rear passenger door and crawled inside. Simon rolled his head against the headrest and her eyes caught his in the rearview mirror. They both held the stare. His dark blue eyes had been pleading yet hungry. Everything changed in that minute. Her heart felt as though it were swelling beneath her chest. It was no longer a game. It was real. She wanted him. More than she had ever wanted anything in her life. Once in the backseat, Simon ravaged her body. Ella couldn't breathe as ecstasy overtook her senses. The night sky disappeared through the windows as their fogged breaths concealed their lovemaking, the heat made the tight space even headier. His body pressed her further into the seat as he made her insides come alive with his powerful, angry thrusts. Her hand gripped the seatbelt above her head while her leg rested on the front seat as she came again and again. "Gabriella. Oh, fuck!" The sound of Nolan's voice pulled her from the wild memories and she concentrated on his toes again. His legs shook while he squeezed her waist even tighter than before. She stilled above, letting him ride out his orgasm. "Oh, God." When his hands finally loosened, she turned around and smiled. His eyes were closed, a smirk toying with his lips. When he opened his green eyes, he smiled up at her. "That was incredible." Ella leaned down and pecked his lips. "Yep." But his smile faded and eased away from her. He sighed. "Crap, I'm sorry." She ran her hand down his chest. "For what?" "Well, you didn't get to, you know..." His concern touched her. Most guys didn't care either way. She leaned her head against his shoulder. "That's okay. I still enjoyed it." "Really?" "Really." "Okay," he exhaled as he wrapped his arms around her. His deep breaths were finally calming down. "Next time will be even better. I promise. I just wasn't expecting that whole backwards-cowgirl thing. Jesus girl, take it easy on me." Ella laughed. "I'm so tired now. Feels like I ran a marathon." His yawn emphasized his exhaustion. "Mind if I use your shower?" "Not at all." His eyes stayed closed as he spoke. "I think I'm going to lie here a little while longer before I have to get up." He seemed at peace, something that eluded her. She wondered what this meant for their relationship. And what it meant for her relationship with Simon. Ella grabbed her clothes and headed for the door. ********** Simon Simon stared at her bed while he sipped his coffee. The lilac sheets were still smooth, further proof that Gabriella hadn't come home last night. Not that he needed evidence. He had listened for the front door to open all night, and an invisible knife stabbed him as each hour passed. She was with Nolan and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing he should do about it. He had Patricia and she was all he needed to worry about. And if he kept his mind on her, perhaps he could salvage their marriage and maybe even have some semblance of a normal, happy life. But to do that, he had to let Gabriella go. *** Simon rushed through the door, as several students packed up their belongings. A collective chorus of sighs and grunts sounded throughout the room. "You didn't think I'd bail on a chance to connect with my pupils, did you?" he asked, tossing his briefcase on his desk. He had lost track of time while sitting in his office, daydreaming of the days when Gabriella would come to him. By the time he glanced at the clock again, he was almost ten minutes late to his last class. "Fifteen more seconds, and we were out, Professor Graham." This comment came from Kyle McDaniel, the star Lacrosse player. "Well, so glad I don't have to disappoint you Mr. McDaniel. So class, first half you will take the test and the remainder of the class period you—" Simon's eyes drifted to Nolan and Gabriella "—you watch a film while I grade the tests." They sat beside each other today and Nolan's arm rested over the back of her chair. Simon tried his best to ignore the rush of heat riding up his neck. "Cool?" More groans and grunts echoed through the room as he passed out the exam. Halfway through the class period, Simon gathered up the tests. He dimmed the lights and started the film, stealing another glance toward the back of the room. Nolan kept touching Gabriella, first rubbing her arm then squeezing her leg underneath the table. Simon studied the paper on his desk, anything to take his mind off the obvious fact that Gabriella had had sex with Nolan. When he came to her test, he stared at her name. Ella written in block letters. But nothing else. He flipped the test over but it was also blank. On instinct he looked up at her. She was staring back at him but looked away. He set hers aside and rubbed his eyes. When the tests were graded, Simon stopped the film and turned on the lights. Several students were still asleep and others stretched and yawned. Days like today were boring and more than likely the students wanted to catch up on sleep and their friends. He didn't have the energy to teach. "Okay, I'm letting class out a little early today. Come pick up your tests. Mostly high scores, so thank you for those that actually listen to me. You make my life easier." Cory nodded and smiled at him when he received his A plus. As if it would ever be lower than an A. "Thank you!" Marissa shouted, as she threw her arms around him, no doubt excited about the A she had also received. "You're welcome," he responded, quickly removing her arms. His colleague Jacob Felderman had joked that Simon was like the Indiana Jones of their school. When Indy was just Dr. Jones, his female students flocked to his classes. The image of the girl sitting in class with 'luv u' written on her eyelids always made them both laugh. But the girls in this day and age were definitely not shy when showing their affection. Some had pulled out all the stops to let Simon know they were interested. He even had a student the previous semester who refused to wear panties underneath her skirts and she flashed him whenever she could. When he questioned her about her inappropriate attire, she said it was for him. Although he was flattered, he avoided her like the plague, but none of those girls had compared to Patricia. He just shook his head and laughed at their attempts. But the laughter stopped the night Gabriella teased him. "Mr. McDaniel, Miss Smith and Miss Foster, I need to see you three in my office. That's all for the rest of you. See you next Tuesday." Simon didn't bother glancing in her direction. He knew she was pissed. He walked out and headed down the hall. Inside his office, Simon tried not to stare at the oversized athletic shirt Gabriella was wearing. More proof... He handed Kyle his paper. "Kyle, your answers were all right according to my answer key from last semester. Now, I'm not saying you cheated, but just word to the wise, I switch the order of questions each semester—in case you wanted to pass that info along." "I-I—" Kyle began, as if he had a reasonable explanation ready. "Yeah, I'd advise you to take the test again." Kyle sighed. "Yes sir." He balled the test up and tossed it in the trash before he left. "Jessica—" "Yes, Professor Graham?" She rested her rear on the edge of his desk. "For the essay, I asked you to talk about one of the Gods we discussed and you chose Zeus. Now we studied twenty-five ancient Egyptian deities and I'm pretty sure Zeus wasn't one of them." Her eyes widened. "Really?" Simon slowly nodded. "Really. Perhaps mixing my class with Greek mythology?" "Oh, duh!" she said, playfully slapping her forehead. Simon glanced at Gabriella who wasn't amused. He glanced back at Jessica. "Yeah, so since it was thirty percent of the test, I would advise you to redo that portion." "Sure, whatever you want, Professor Graham." The raspy flirtation in her voice didn't escape him. "Great." Jessica continued to stare at him. "That's all," Simon said with a smile, his patience wearing thin. She held his gaze a few seconds longer before she turned and walked out. Simon shook his head and closed the door. He walked back to his desk and held up her test. "Want to explain this?" "Explain what?" she asked, her body language already aggressive and gearing up for a fight. "Why you only wrote your name and nothing more." She shrugged. His eyes bore into hers waiting for an answer. Finally she looked away. "I was distracted." "By?" "Things." "Okay." Simon checked his watch. "You have exactly twenty-two minutes to retake the exam." She folded her arms. "I'm not retaking it." Simon let out a frustrated sigh and closed his eyes. "Why not?" "Because I don't want to." "Don't want to or don't care?" "Either. Take your pick." Simon sat on the edge of his desk. "Gabriella, if you don't retake this test, you fail my class." "I don't care." But her words held less conviction than before. "You don't care," he repeated. He shook his head and chuckled. "What do you care about? I'm really interested. Because it's obvious you don't care about school. Or your mom. Or yourself, for that matter. So, let's hear what Gabriella Foster actually gives a shit about." She rolled her eyes. "Can I go now?" "No. Sit down and take the test." "No." "Gabriella, I'm not playing with you." He rose to his full height. "I know you use games to get your way, but I'm not going to put up with your bullshit. I'm serious. I will fail you." She glanced up at him. "Fine." She turned and walked to the door. Simon grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Don't do this because you're mad at me," he whispered. "Or maybe that's what this is about. You want to fail so you can take my class again." "You would think that. I don't want to take your class ever again. I'll take it with another professor." She smirked at him. "Maybe this time he'll give me an A for all my extracurricular efforts." Her eyes held a hint of laughter which evaporated the longer he stared at her. She tried to wiggle out of his grasp to no avail. Students were shuffling through the hallway and he was aware that his door wasn't locked. Anyone that just so happened to walk in would have caught him in an awkward position. His female student struggling to pull her arm from his grip. But short of Patricia walking through the door, he didn't care. Simon had never understood the love/hate aspect of their relationship until that moment. A fire brewed in his chest. Her words ate at him, whether they were true or not. More than likely she was bluffing, but he knew there were plenty of male professors who would take her on her word. And the same game just minutes before that he said he refused to play, he was playing it. She was that good. Simon knew what came next. He would say something mean to her, she would react and then he'd fuck her against the door, starting their twisted cycle over again. She would get her lover's quarrel and confirmation that they were 'together'. "Well, maybe next time that will work out for you," he said, releasing her arm and gathering up his briefcase. She stood there, her eyes unsure. He walked to the door and swung the keys around his finger. "I have to lock up." The expression on her face was confused. She held her ground a little longer before her eyes softened. "I—" she started. "I have to go." He didn't really, but glanced at his watch for emphasis. Her lips tightened before she spun around and stormed out. ********** Patricia Patricia sat outside of their house in the driveway, her head leaning against the steering wheel. Simon's car was parked out front, but she didn't have the energy to go inside yet. During her lunch break she had driven to Darby University with the intention of surprising Simon, much like she did when things were still good. But chills flowed through her body at the thought of catching with him another woman. Most women, like Myra, relished the chance to catch their husbands in the act. But for Patricia, the image of all those condoms still haunted her. When she pulled on campus beside his car, her stomach flopped. Her eyes scanned several college girls passing by, wondering which one could be her. How out of place she felt among them. Their short shorts, high ponytails and earphones were a world apart from Patricia's work slacks, chin length cut and Bluetooth. Perhaps there was something in their giggles and worldly ignorance that Simon found attractive. Maybe drinking wine and discussing politics wasn't as interesting as Tequila shots and strip poker. But Simon had always been a levelheaded, intelligent man, who just so happen to be graced with a handsome face and athletic physique. She really had found a diamond in the rough. Until he cheated... Whether right or wrong, that one simple truth seemed to negate all else. "Hey honey," Simon said, looking up from his cell phone when she passed the kitchen. "Hey." Her reply fell flat. She didn't have the energy to fake it. He held her gaze for a few moments longer before averting his attention back to the cell phone. His fingers clumsily pressed the buttons and then waited. A low ring answered his message before he typed again. Patricia turned away from him and removed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Tap. Tap. Tap. She swallowed the cool water and closed her eyes. The chime sounded again as another message came through. Patricia felt warm. She fanned herself as her temperature slowly rose. The question of who was on the other end of the text a message swirled through her head. Tap. Tap. Tap. "Who are you talking to?" Even as the words left her mouth, they felt insecure. He lifted his head, his eyes holding a hint of irritation. "Tek." A few moments passed before his eyes softened and he shut his phone. "He just wanted to know if I'm playing football with them on Saturday." Patricia nodded as he approached and wrapped his arms around her. "How was your day?" he asked, pushing her hair away from her face before he planted a quick kiss. "Okay, I guess." She pulled away from him and leaned against the counter. Her exploits earlier that day were meant to stay with her, but now she wanted to show him that she wasn't so clueless. "I stopped by Darby today." He froze. "What?" "I was going to surprise you during my lunch break." "Why didn't you come see me?" "It occurred to me that I didn't know your class schedule. I didn't want to interrupt." Patricia wiped her sweating hands over her pants. "Oh. Well, maybe next time. I can let you know what time I'm free." "Sure." Another length of time passed before either of them spoke. Patricia racked her brain thinking of what they talked about in the past. They never had these awkward and uncomfortable silences. Even when they argued about Ella, he would always throw in a joke or she would bat her eyes and hug him. That was before this canyon-sized space landed between them. "Oh, I should probably tell you this now as opposed to later," he said, breaking her thoughts. "Gabriella is going to fail my class unless she retakes this exam, which she refuses to do." Patricia sighed and shook her head. She had never met a human being more intent on destroying their life than her daughter. "I wish I could help, but you know I'm the last person she'll listen to." Gabriella Ch. 05 Simon nodded in agreement. "I'll keep trying." Patricia hopped onto the counter. Simon walked over and stood between her legs. "You look really beautiful," he whispered, before capturing her lips again. In the past, Patricia was so wrapped up in his kisses, that she would close her eyes and shut out all else. But today, her mind was racing. Being back on campus since she first found the condoms was like a bucket of cold ice being doused on her. This was real. This did happen. Her husband had been sleeping with another woman. Who was she? How long had it lasted? Patricia knew so little. A former student, nineteen and it was over—or so he said. Her skin tingled again, making her feel uncomfortable. She nudged him back. He smiled up at her and she looked away. "There are a lot of women on that campus." She laughed nervously. "I mean, it might as well have been an all-girl college." His eyes shifted back and forth as he thought. "Really? I think it's about fifty-six percent, which is kind of normal, right?" "Seems like a lot more." He shrugged and took a step back, perhaps aware of her tense body language. "Hmm, hadn't really noticed." Patricia rolled her eyes and slid off the counter. "Of course you've noticed, that's kinda the problem." He loudly exhaled and turned around. "I'm going to work on my bike." "What's her name?" She hated herself for asking, but she had to know. She needed to solve the mystery of this secret life her husband had lived. "How long had you been seeing her before you ended it?" "Patricia, what are you doing?" His question seemed logical. It had been almost a month since she had confronted him. They were supposed to be looking for forward, not back. But she had to know. "I want to know the truth." "We've talked about this—" "No. We haven't." Patricia slammed her bottle on the counter. "You told me how old she was and that it was over. But you couldn't even tell me why you had started it to begin with. I still have a lot of questions." "This isn't going to help anything." "Maybe it will, maybe it won't. What's her name? What does she look like?" Her rapid fire of questions even surprised her. He stood still, his eyes penetrating hers. He was pissed. She had only seen that look a few times, and always directed at Ella. His jaw clenched as his posture stiffened. "Patricia, please drop this." "I don't understand why you won't tell me. Why are you protecting her?" She scoffed. "It's not like I'm going to drive by her dorm room or anything. I'm an adult. Remember?" "I'm not protecting her, I'm protecting you!" His voice boomed around her. "I don't want to hurt you again. I don't want to bring up something that I know is going to keep tearing us apart. I fucked up Patricia, I know that. Please, let me try to make this right." Patricia's head hurt. She hated arguing but she needed to understand. "If the roles were reversed, how would you feel?" He shook his head and sighed. "I don't know." "Exactly. So forgive me if I'm not ready to let this go." "It didn't mean anything." Patricia gave a doubtful chuckle. "Why would you say something like that? If it didn't mean anything, then why ruin something so special for nothing?" He stared down at the floor like a child being scolded. Or just a broken man. Were Patricia looking from the outside, she might have felt sympathy for him. But all she felt now was emptiness. "You know why you risked it? Because it did mean something." He was quiet for a moment before he spoke. "Patricia, I'm trying to move forward. I'll do whatever it takes to make this work. To make you trust me again. I'll go to counseling; we can get away again...anything." He balled his hands into a fist. "Anything to make this work, honey." Patricia didn't care what it took to make their marriage work again. At that moment, she only wanted to know about her. "Then tell me her name." Silence passed between them. He shook his head and placed his hands atop his head. Patricia turned around, not expecting him to answer. She was done with the conversation. "Sarah." She turned back around. Sarah. Patricia would never admit it, but knowing the name caused her stomach to turn. It made her more real. She cleared her throat and tried to relax. "What does she look like?" His eyes were blank as he stared at her. "Blonde." Her skin crawled. "How long did the relationship last?" "A year," he answered flatly. "A year!" Her mouth dropped. Pandora's Box ran deeper than she could stomach for a Thursday afternoon. She turned away from him. "Get out. Just get out, I can't bear to look at you right now," she told him, surprising herself. "Patricia, I—" "Please leave. Now." She heard his retreating footsteps then came the roar of his motorcycle echoing through the kitchen. The sudden silence was unbearable. ********** Gabriella "Oh, oh, oh...fuck, Gabriella!" Nolan yelled, shutting his eyes tightly as he came. His body jerked over hers before he finally collapsed, his weight crushing her. She wished she had never suggested he use her full name. Now he frequently called her that and instead of finding it endearing, she found it annoying. "Hey, I can't breathe," she said, slapping his back. She hadn't intended on staying with Nolan this long. After Simon's class, she watched him at football practice for two hours and then they crashed at his place. "Sorry," he whispered, as he slowly rolled off. The crinkling of the latex as he removed the condom, made her stomach turn. She closed her eyes. Everything was always better with her eyes closed. Lying on her bed listening to music, daydreaming in class as her professors bored her, thinking of Simon when the other guy wasn't him. In the dark solace beneath her eyelids, everything was just fine. She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. For a moment, she felt lightheaded. A cigarette would remove the anxious edge. She glanced around the floor for her dress as Nolan's sweaty hand stroked her back. She wanted to shrug away from him, but the gesture would seem cold. "Where are you going?" "Home," she answered, slipping her dress back on. He rose up and rested against the headboard. "What, right now?" His voice was laced with concern. "Yeah, it's late." "Then just spend the night again." Now it held a desperate tone. Ella shook her head while she reached under the bed for her missing shoe. "Wow. I feel so used," he joked. Ella was quiet as she quickly gathered her belongings. This is the exactly why she never did the whole intimacy deal. She didn't want anyone to feel obligated to spend time with her. Nor did she want to appear clingy. But Nolan was different. He was the perfect get away from the chaos and confusion in Simon's house. Where she felt he tore her down, Nolan built her up. "Did I do something wrong?" She glanced in his direction. He was hurt. Ella shook her head again and sat back on the bed to slide on her boots. "No, I just have to go." His arms circled her as he gently pushed her down and began kissing her. She wanted to lose herself in the moment and just let go, but she couldn't. This would mean something different to her than it did him. "Stop!" Ella pushed at his chest. "Why, what's wrong?" "Nothing. I just don't want you to get the wrong idea." "What?" he asked, quirking a brow. "What does that mean?" "It means I'm not your girlfriend." He turned away from her. She softened her tone. "Look, it's just that you and I have a lot of fun, right? And I want to make sure it stays that way." "So, is this all we're ever going to have—just some fun?" He sounded bitter as he yanked his boxers back on. "What more do you want?" "Gee, I don't know," he scoffed and yanked his shirt down his chest. "Maybe an actual relationship?" This was all new territory. Territory she wasn't ready to explore just yet. Nolan was a good guy and as long as her feelings remained so strong for Simon, she could never give Nolan what he wanted. "Nolan, I can't be your girlfriend." "Why not?" He was back to his sweet demeanor. "Because, I'm not really girlfriend material." He smiled, his eyes lightening up. "Let me be the judge of that." "You barely know me," she said, hoping one of her excuses would stick. "That's not true. I know a lot about you." "Like what?" "You're sweet, even though you try to give off this tough vibe. You're smart and funny." Ella rolled her eyes. "Those are generic traits that could belong to anyone, including Hanna Dorstein," she said, referencing his first time. Nolan's infectious laughed filled the room. "Okay, okay. And by the way, Hanna wasn't any of those things. But you also love the color purple. I don't know if you're aware of this, but you have it everywhere. Even the pens you write with in class have purple ink." Ella remained motionless as he spoke. "And you don't complain. Most girls complain about everything. The weather, their hair, another girl, their boyfriend, I don't know, it always seems like something...but you never do. You don't seem concerned with that stuff." Ella blushed. She never realized how open she was. "You don't talk with your hands, like a lot of people...especially girls," he said with a smile. "And I love how you'll wear a dress in the middle of a blizzard." Ella laughed and covered her face. "So, see...I know about you. And I want to know more. But I think I know enough to judge whether or not you would be girlfriend material. And I think you would be." Nolan Jeffries' girlfriend. She never thought those words would ever float through her mind. But he was too good for her. Regardless of what Simon had told Steven, neither of them knew how kind and humble Nolan was, nothing at all like the other guys she had known. Guys like his best friend, Bryan. The name sat heavy on her stomach. "What about Bryan?" she whispered, as if to lessen the embarrassment. He turned his mouth down and shrugged. "That doesn't matter to me. That was in the past, before I got to know how special you were." Special. She would have cried tears of joy to hear those words from Simon's mouth. "Well, we don't have to decide anything tonight, do we?" she asked. His ocean green eyes became hooded as he leaned back against the headboard. "Nope. I just wanted to make sure that there were more options than just hooking up. I like you, El—Gabriella." She liked him too, even if it was in a much different way than Simon. He was one of the good ones and she would be a fool to let him go that easily. "I like you too," she said, pulling her dress back before she leaned over to kiss him. ********** Simon Simon flipped on the light and tossed his keys onto the desk. He scanned his closet space of an office before he sat down on the tiny loveseat which occupied the back wall. He tried to push away thoughts of the things he had done on this sofa. He combed his hands through his hair and squeezed, hoping the pain would bring about some sense of relief. But it didn't. When had he become just like the men he disliked—the ones with no integrity? Simon wanted to blame Patricia. Were it not for her prodding, this snowball of lies could have died down. Be mad at him, yes, but not question him, because he couldn't answer them. And when he was forced to, words like "Sarah" and "blonde" tumbled out. More deception to keep track of. How far did the rabbit hole drop? But it wasn't Patricia's fault. And to tell the truth...that would destroy him, her, their marriage and any chance Patricia and Gabriella had to mend their relationship. He wasn't willing to gamble their lives just yet. Not unless there was no other choice. "Hey, I thought I saw the light on." He looked up to find Jacob Felderman peeking in. Jacob pushed his glasses up and glanced around. "Hey man, what are you doing here so late?" Simon had thought about adding another lie on top of that, but enough was enough. Jacob seemed trustworthy enough and Simon was too fucking tired to care anymore. "My wife kicked me out." Jacob stepped in and leaned against the wall, his smile sympathetic. "I've spent a few nights on my office couch as well." "Finishing up a class?" Simon asked, hoping to change the subject. Jacob nodded. "Yeah, a tutorial. I'll be glad when this semester is over. These kids are killing me." He shifted his stance through the awkward silence, as he tucked his briefcase under his arm. "Well, I hope everything works out for you at home," he said, turning to leave. "I cheated on her." The words flew out and Simon wasn't sure why. He hadn't admitted them aloud to anyone, not even himself. But a slight weight in the burden that he had carried for a year lifted. Not that he deserved it, but it helped. Jacob closed the door back. "Oh." Simon felt delirious as he chuckled. "Yeah. I'm just completely lost, you know?" He was certain Jacob didn't. He and his wife seemed like the perfect nerdy pair. They probably never argued about anything outside of which Science Channel show is better: Exodus Earth or Beyond Tomorrow. Jacob sighed and shifted his weight again. "I know what you mean. I've been down that road before." "What?" "Yep. I...uh, well I had an affair years ago." Constantly disheveled, funny-bow-tie-wearing Felderman cheated on his equally strange wife, Kelly? "But you always seem so normal, Jacob. And I mean that as a compliment." He scratched his beard. "Well, it happens to the best of us." "So, what did you do?" Simon leaned on the edge of the couch, wide eyed and still stunned. Jacob smiled. "My wife and I got a divorce and I married the other woman. Had two kids with her." Simon rubbed the back of his neck. "You're no fucking help at all." Jacob laughed. "Sorry." Simon shook his head. "Wow, so Kelly was the other woman? I never would have thought that in a million years." It wasn't that Kelly was unattractive, but being the female version of Jacob, he just never pictured that scenario. "Who knows, you might take the same route." Simon shook his head vehemently. "Oh, hell no. That's not even an option. I mean, never, ever, ever. Besides, I don't want a divorce from Patricia. I want to be with her. I just want to make things better and I'm basically clueless." "I'm sensing the whole chocolate and flowers gesture isn't working." "I think my head on a stick is the more appropriate gift." "Oy." "Yeah." Simon looked out into the office. "I mean, does marriage even work? I look at my friends. My best friend is a perpetual bachelor, another friend hates his life and his wife, he just doesn't know it yet. And my other friend's girlfriend has been pressing him about a ring, but he doesn't want to go there because he's convinced it will ruin the relationship. My parent's marriage was definitely not the stuff of dreams. And then there's me. Hell, even you. Maybe the whole thing is just an illusion." "Well, I think marriage works. It just takes several things to make it work." Jacob stared at the wall pensively. "For one, you have to choose the right partner. Even though my first marriage didn't work out, I've been married to Kelly longer than I was to my first wife. And I couldn't imagine hurting Kelly. There's just no way." Simon exhaled. "But your situation is much different than mine." "Maybe. But maybe this other woman is better for you than you think." Simon chuckled. "Oh, no. No, no, no. If you knew just how 'not better' she was, you'd laugh." "I guess so. But marriage is definitely a tricky thing. A system of checks and balances, give and take. Sacrifices, you know. Do you love her?" "No," he answered quickly. "I mean, not in the traditional sense. It's just so complicated, that...well, I like to steer clear of that question because... no, I'm not in love with her." Jacob's brow drew together. "I was talking about Patricia." "Oh. Well yeah, of course I love my wife," Simon answered, his face flushed. "Well, then put yourself in her shoes. If she had cheated on you, what would it take for you to forgive her and move past everything?" Fuck if that wasn't the million dollar question. Just the thought of her sleeping with another man turned his stomach. Never mind if it would have been his nineteen year old son from a previous relationship. Simon dropped his head back against the wall harder than he meant causing a thud. "She's going to divorce me." "You don't know that. She just needs time. You know, Rebecca was willing to forgive me and move past everything. But I wasn't happy and I didn't want to keep hurting her, so I chose to end it." "But that's because you wanted Kelly, right?" Jacob nodded. "Well, I want Patricia. The ball's in her court. I'm not going anywhere until she tells me to leave for good." "Then it looks like you have to figure out what would be more appealing than your head on a stick. Besides, that's not a good look for you my friend." Jacob glanced at his phone. "I better get home. My youngest had her tonsils removed and I promised her ice cream." "Well, don't keep her waiting man," Simon smiled. "And thanks for the talk." "Anytime. And look, just be honest with yourself. It won't be easy, but if you just follow your heart, you'll realize what you need to do. And being honest isn't the easiest thing, but it's the only way to move on and get your life on the right track. Trust me, these problems won't last forever." Simon swallowed and nodded. Regardless of what he did, he was pretty sure the happy ending Jacob got was not the one waiting on him. ********** Patricia Patricia sat on the cold front steps. It was two in the morning, she felt drained and her fingers had long gone numb but she couldn't bear the emptiness inside the house. Simon wouldn't be returning because she had kicked him out and Ella was gone because, well, she never gave her a reason. She took a drag on the cigarette she had stolen from Ella's room and coughed. She heard a motorcycle in the distance and her heart leapt. But the sound continued down the street until she was left with a barren silence and a confused mind. Simon always seemed so full of life and in love with her when they were together. But he'd spent almost half of their three year marriage with another woman. A girl, really. She searched for signs of it, but they weren't there. He never let on that there was a problem and that's what frustrated her the most. If he had, she could have fixed it and perhaps this affair never would have happened. A year. What had she been doing this past year? Patricia inhaled and coughed again. She hadn't smoked since college and it showed. One truth that she realized about herself was that she was in love with Simon. Had she not loved him then kicking him out wouldn't have hurt this much. But it did and she couldn't change it even if she wanted everything to go back to normal. Back to the days when what they had was the closest thing to perfect. Back to nights when they got buzzed and sang out-of-tune karaoke. She had never sung in front of an audience in her life, until Simon dared her on their third date. Afterwards, he ribbed her the whole time. "That was about the worst rendition of Heart's 'Alone' I've ever heard," he said with a laugh as they strolled downtown. Patricia pouted. "It wasn't that bad." He lifted a brow before his eyes widened and he looked around. "What?" she asked, scanning the quiet sidewalk. "Ssh," he whispered, as he continued to search. "If you're quiet, I think we might still be able to hear the dogs barking in the alley courtesy of your serenade." Gabriella Ch. 05 Patricia laughed slapped his shoulder. "Like you were any better!" She darted ahead of him before his arms snaked around her. "I don't think I burst any eardrums," he whispered in her ear. She had wondered what dating Simon would have been like in college had she chosen him over Rodney. But then she wouldn't have Ella. "Well, your song was easier," she had told him. "Anybody can sing that pretty song by that band." Simon stopped and turned her around in his arms. He placed a hand to his chest. "Oh, we might have to cut this date short. Did you just call Yellow by Coldplay that pretty song from that band?" She laughed again. "Okay, okay, sorry. You did an okay job, but you have to admit mine was harder. Anyone can sing yours." "Maybe," he countered with a smile. "But can they do it drunk and with an English accent?" Patricia tapped her chin and rolled her eyes from side to side, mimicking deep thought. "Is that what accent that was?" He hoisted her up and tossed her over his shoulder. She had felt so young and free that night. After they were married, Simon confessed that that had been the moment he knew he was going to marry her. He said any woman who could belt out that God awful rendition of Alone and still be hot was worth marrying—that and the fact had fallen in love with her. How had everything changed in three years? A dark SUV pulled into the driveway. Patricia shook away the memory and quickly stubbed out the cigarette. The headlights blinded her as she pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders. "Hey," Patricia said to Ella, who slowly ascended the steps. She followed her daughter's eyes to the pack of cigarettes lying beside her leg. "Oh, hope you don't mind. I grabbed them from your dresser. Long night." Ella glanced at the door. "Where's Simon?" "Hmm?" Patricia took in her daughter's black knee high boots. Simon definitely wouldn't have approved of her sangria red shirtdress that barely stretched to reach mid thigh, yet layers of boring clothes wouldn't hide Ella's womanly appeal. Patricia frowned. The amount of money she gave Ella couldn't have financed all her inappropriate attire. But it was a mystery she was in no rush to solve while her own life made no sense. "Where's Simon?" she repeated in a harsher tone. "He left." "What happened?" She looked up at Ella. Her tone had gone softer and more concerned. It was rare when she found no hostility or indifference in her daughter's words. "We had an argument and I asked him to leave." An annoyed look crossed Ella's features as she mindlessly shook her head. "But this is his house." Now that was the tone Patricia had become accustomed to. But she had grown a tough skin after living through her mother's drunken benders. And she'd needed it in the wake of the judgmental looks and comments people around town sent her way when rumors of Ella's behavior surfaced, rumors she ignored until it was too late to make a difference. Patricia nodded. "I know." She looked back out into the yard she and Simon had spent the previous summer landscaping. She once doubted they could do it by themselves, but Simon insisted that together they made a good team. And now theirs was the second best lawn in the neighborhood, right behind Mr. Schulman, a retired war vet obsessed with gardening. She looked up at her daughter and smiled. "Who was that who dropped you off?" "A friend," Ella answered before she slammed the front door. Patricia exhaled. The vague answer should have been expected as well. Sometimes she wondered if she'd ever reach Ella. She stood and brushed the ash from her clothes as she gazed out into the yard. The chorus from Yellow moved through her mind with flashes of Simon wrapping his arms around her in bed, the intensity in his eyes right before he would make her come and his smile that predicted everything was going to be okay. Lord help her because she missed him. She hummed a few bars aloud as she walked back into the house. But they fell flat, no longer holding the meaning they once had. ********** Gabriella Ella waited until the light under the master bedroom door went out before she grabbed Simon's spare keys. She adjusted his seat and rearview mirror...the same mirror that held his reflection that night at Lake Torrance. Even his car smelled of cologne, destined to make her crazy. After searching for his motorcycle at Steven's and the only bar still open in town, Ella pulled up beside it in the university teacher's parking lot. She stared at the ugly brick building as she lit a cigarette. It was moments like these when she usually chose to go left instead of right. Only to find out that right was the correct choice. The clock on the dashboard read 3:15 am. A chill ran over her body, causing her to shiver. It could have been the cold weather or it could have been her nerves. Nerves that were slowly faltering the longer she sat there. She leaned back against the seat and cursed herself. She was doing exactly what she swore to him she wouldn't do. Follow him around like some love sick girl with a crush. Ella got out of the car and slowly made her way up to Grayson Hall. She took another puff from her cigarette before she stubbed it out on the pavement. She popped a piece of cinnamon gum into her mouth and cupped her hands over her eyes to peer through the glass door. The hallway was dark with only a little light shining from the dim fluorescents above. She pulled her black wool coat tighter, her teeth now chattering, though the thought of him being pissed at the dress she was wearing in this weather made her smile. She still wasn't sure exactly what she had planned to do. What excuse she was going to give him for being there? All she wanted to know was if he was okay and if he needed anything...in a nonsexual way. Then she would leave. Yes, she would leave and go back home once she knew he was okay. But she needed a backup plan. Something that would ensure that once she asked about his well-being, she could leave right away. She pulled out her phone and dialed Nolan. "Hello?" He sounded groggy. "Hey." "Oh, hey," he replied, perking up. "What's up?" "Well, I was wondering if you could do me a favor." "Need me to pick you up?" "No. Um, just call me in like 45 minutes, okay?" She peered through the door again. "Just call you back?" "Yeah, it will be my cue to leave. I'm with a friend and I don't want to stay long." "Oh, okay. Sure. Forty-five minutes, right?" "Yep. Thank you." "You're welcome. Talk to you then." Ella bit the inside of her lip as her fingers hovered over the dial pad. She had never felt this nervous before, but this was all new territory. Simon had changed now that her mother knew. But she never would have thought in a million years that her mother would have kicked him out. And for how long? Was it permanent? She wanted to talk to him about it. But his perfect world was tumbling down and she was in part to blame...if not the whole reason. A fact she was sure he would never let her forget. She gulped down the frosty air and dialed his number. By the fourth ring, she was prepared to leave a message. "Yeah?" His voice was low and she couldn't determine what mood he was in. "Hey," was all she could think to say. He didn't respond. "Can you let me in?" "What?" "I'm outside." Several seconds went by. She bit her nail waiting for him to talk. "Gabriella, go home." The line went dead. Ella debated what to do next. If she called again, he would ignore her. But the possibility of just leaving didn't seem like an option. The wind whipped around her face, as she looked into the building once more. Her heart warmed as she saw Simon slowly making his way down the hall. His hair was disheveled in a natural attractive way and half of his dress shirt was untucked from his jeans. He walked up to the door and stared down at her through the glass. Her face was freezing, but she refused to reveal her suffering. She blew breath on the outside of the door and wrote "please" with her numb fingertip. Simon fogged up the space above hers and wrote "go home". Ella smiled and shook her head. He leaned his forehead against the glass and traced over her "please". She shook her head again. He closed his eyes and pushed the door open. "Thank you," she whispered as she slipped in. But he closed the door behind her, locking her between his body and the cold glass door. She looked up at him. "What do you want?" he asked, his eyes searching hers. "I wanted to know if you were okay." "I'm not." "Anything I can do to help?" Even to her own ears, her voice sounded small and unsure. His eyes continued to hold hers as if seeking out her true reason for visiting him. The low hum of the flickering light in the distance was the only intrusion against the silence. The chill along Ella's back grew as she leaned against the door. She stood completely straight, lightly pressing into him. "Do you want me to leave?" she asked, trying to gain some confidence back. He stared at her then he turned and walked down the hallway. She quickly fell in step behind him. When they reached his office, she shrugged off her jacket but kept her eyes on him. He plopped down onto the couch and propped his head against the wall. She ignored the fact that he sat directly in the middle, blocking her from sitting near him. He eyed her as carefully as she was eying him. He appeared tired, due to the sunken eyes and slight stubble on his chin. Good. This way she would only stay for a short while before she let him rest. "Why did she kick you out?" "Because I cheated on her, Gabriella," he grumbled. Ella rolled her eyes. "Well, she already knew that." Instead of responding, Simon stood and rummaged around his desk. He checked over a paper before he thrust into her face. "Since you're here..." he stated with a smirk. Ella groaned at the unfinished test in her hand. She sat down opposite of him at his desk and began answering the questions she had left void from earlier that day. But her mind was on everything but Ancient Egypt. Simon swiveled his chair around and faced the wall. He removed his degrees that were framed and began wiping them with a paper towel. Ella tapped her pen against his desk hoping the irritating sound would draw some reaction from him. But he continued to ignore her. She cleared her throat. Still nothing. He placed his degrees back on the wall and picked up a book from his floor. He opened it and leaned back, still facing away from her. She sighed and finished filling in answers for the remainder questions. She glanced up again, and noted how the hair on at his nape curled, indicating he needed a haircut. She loved running her hands over the soft brown locks when they dripped with sweat. Her eyes lowered to his broad shoulders and muscular back. Although obscured by a baby blue dress shirt, she knew all too well what lay beneath. When she handed the test back to him, he grabbed a red marker and studied it. She watched his face as his eyes moved back and forth, the marker hovering just above the paper. A few lines down, he slid the bold red ink across an answer. Then another. And another. She wasn't sure why she cared, but impressing Simon had become more essential to her than she cared to understand. He was a smart man and no doubt he didn't want someone as dumb as a box of bricks like Jessica. She turned her attention to the other tests on his desk. She saw Nolan's name sticking out from under the stack. She couldn't see the grade, but was sure it wasn't that high. Nolan was certainly not an academic. But he liked her. And she liked him. "Nolan asked me to be his girlfriend," she said, examining Simon's reaction closely. His hand paused over the paper for a second before it continued to move. "What was your answer?" She shrugged. "Told him I'd think about it." Simon slid the paper towards her. "B minus, not bad." Ella glanced over it. "Thanks." She bit her lip and looked up at him. "What do you think about it?" "About?" "Me being Nolan's girlfriend." "I'm happy for you," he said then eased back in his chair. "You two are the poster kids for true love." He tossed the marker onto the desk. "Would it kill you to say exactly how you feel? I just want to hear something real from you." He shrugged. "What do you want me to say?" "I don't know, maybe something like I don't like you and him together. In some weird twisted way I feel like you're mine. Tell him no." She tried to reign in her frustration, but it kept building. He knew how to get a rise out of her the same way she knew how with him. Simon rested his hands on top of the desk. "I don't like you and him together. In some weird twisted way I feel like you're mine. Tell him no," he repeated. Ella shook her head and stood. "Thanks," she mumbled, ripping her jacket from the back of the chair. His eyes averted to the desk. "That the thought of you two together makes me insanely jealous." A warm flood flowed through Ella's inner core until it bubbled over in an ear-to ear-grin. He hadn't said it, but those words might as well have been the three word phrase that she desperately wanted to hear from his lips. She placed her jacket back on the chair and walked around until she was behind him. He didn't move. He was in deep thought. His shoulders were tight as she ran her hands over the toned blades. At first he tensed, but then he relaxed. The back of his head lightly rested against her stomach while she rolled her hands up his neck and back down. He mumbled something. "What?" She leaned down closer to the side of his face. "I said I'm sorry." "For what?" "Everything." Her arms moved down his chest and over his stomach as she rested her chin on his shoulder. "I'm sorry too," she whispered. She tightened her embrace as she kissed the exposed skin by his neck. Her lips parted, as the salty warm tasted filled her mouth. His hands gripped her arms. She waited for him to push her off, but instead he ran his fingertips over her arms, causing the slight sprinkle of hair to stand up. They remained that way for what several minutes, Ella afraid to move for fear of breaking the mystical spell. It felt like ages since the last time they were together and not fighting about something. It was in moments like this that she knew this was real. But Simon pulled away. He turned the chair around and looked up at her, his azure gaze growing darker in color. She had seen that look before. She carried that image to bed, as she pleased herself into a deep sleep. Ella hesitated for a moment, before she slowly straddled his lap, the familiar position sending a flurry of butterflies to her stomach. His hands caressed her back as one made its way up to her neck and gripped the hair at the base. She gasped, loving the rougher bond between them, one she lacked with Nolan. Did Simon compare her and her mother this way? Simon pulled her face to his, his lips attacking hers. She moaned as his tongue found hers and his grip tightened in her hair. She felt him growing hard through his jeans as she rolled her hips over his. The chair squeaked after each thrust of her hips. He removed his hands from her hair and ran them down her sides until he reached the hem of her dress. She lifted herself off his lap as he pulled the tight dress upwards and over her head, leaving only her lacy black bra and panties. Ella lifted his hand, taking his middle finger into her mouth. It wasn't until his focus shifted from her eyes to his hand did she realize her mistake. The shiny gold band flashed in the light creating a silent bullhorn in the middle of their intimate moment. She dropped his hand, but his eyes remained on the ring. "I'm sorry," she said in a soft voice. He continued to stare down at his hand as she mentally chastised herself. She looked around and ran her hands over her arms, his touch no longer keeping her warm. Simon looked up at her, his eyes growing even darker, as if the pupil swallowed up the dark blue iris. His mouth was set, his jaws stiff. Those subtle hints meant he was burning with anger. But at who, she wasn't sure. Ella didn't have a second to brace herself before he lifted them both up and turned around, roughly dropping her on his desk, knocking a stack of papers to the floor. "Ow—" was all that flowed from her before he seized her mouth again, this time biting her bottom lip before he forced his tongue in her mouth. His movements were rough but welcomed as her legs tightened around his waist. Ella quickly pulled at the buttons on his shirt, until her hands were able to run over his hard torso. Her phone chimed on the edge of the desk. She pulled her lips away from his to reach for it. Her hand ran over the sleek plastic, before he ripped it from her and tossed it across the room and onto the couch. The phone continued to ring when he pushed down his pants. His head lowered to her chest as he pushed the cups of her bra below her full breasts, her nipples already puffy from her arousal. "Simon," she moaned as he latched onto her sensitive bud. He lightly bit and pulled on each one as he pushed her panties aside. His hand brushed over her warm entrance before he positioned himself in its place. "Ooh." Her breath quickened as he swiftly pushed his cock inside her, not giving her a moment to adjust before he pulled out and slammed back into her again. His hands were sweaty. He gripped her waist and pulled her roughly against him. His eyes roamed over her body before settling on hers. She wished he would lean down and kiss her. But he continued to pull her back against him as her slick body slid across his desk. His carnal battering continued as her pussy began to spasm around him. She gripped the edge of the desk above her head and held on as an orgasm rippled through her body. This was what she had missed. This was what she had with him, and no amount of Nolan's or Bryan's could make her feel this alive. When they connected on this level she did feel...special. Even if he couldn't say it like Nolan had. But once the muscles gripping him let go, and she was able to focus again, his violent thrusts became painful. "Simon," she said, not sure what else to say. His eyes were still dark as his lunges became quicker. He gripped her waist, pulling her back against him one last time before he closed his eyes and shouted out his pleasure. His body jerked against hers for several seconds before his hips slowed their pace and his grip on her loosened. Their breaths fell in sync as all else went quiet. This is where she wanted to stay. Right here in his arms. But she knew too soon that he would let go. He always let go. When he opened his eyes, she smiled up at him. But something was different this time when he didn't return her smile. He was already in that place he retreated to after their lovemaking. She pulled him in for a kiss, wanting to keep him a little longer, but he escaped her embrace as he quickly backed away from her, dropping her legs onto the desk. He pulled his pants up and plopped down into the squeaky chair. Ella sighed and closed her eyes. He was feeling guilty. But this time she would make him see that they needed each other. They wanted each other and whether he realized it, they loved each other. She sat up on the desk and pulled her bra back into place over her breasts. Their mingled wetness felt sticky underneath her legs. For the first time, he hadn't pulled out, crossing an invisible barrier that he had been adamant about maintaining. But his sudden mood change halted her from bragging about it. Gabriella Ch. 05 "Simon?" He didn't respond and his eyes remained empty. Now was the time she needed to be brave and tell him exactly how she felt. She had never put her feelings out there for anyone to walk all over. But she wanted him to know that he had changed her. That she was glad he was in her life. The only person she could count on. The first person who mattered in her life and made her feel like she wasn't a useless waste of space. Regardless of the countless arguments and mini-cold wars between them, she loved him. A simple truth that she played over and over in her head. She loved him. "Simon. I know that you feel bad sometimes after we have sex. So this might not be the best time to tell you. But I want you to know this—" "Don't," he snapped. "Don't what?" "Don't say whatever it is you're about to say." He stood up, buttoned his shirt and walked around the desk to pick up the papers strewn all over the floor. Ella lifted her legs and spun around on the desk to face him again. "Why not?" "Because I don't want to hear it." He slammed a stack down on the desk before picking up the rest. "You don't know what I'm going to say." It was now or never. "I wanted to tell you that—" "I do know what—" "—I'm in love with you." Simon opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. He shuffled and reshuffled the papers. Ella bit her lip, wondering what he was thinking. She had never said those words to anyone before. But she'd seen enough movies and read enough books to know that the normal response was 'I love you too'. Had she made a mistake? When the papers were finally in order, he placed them in a neat pile at the edge of his desk. "You should probably go home," he said. The push and pull of their relationship was getting old. He had to know there was more. He had to know. "Aren't you going to say anything?" "Like what?" "Be truthful with me again. Like you were about Nolan. Tell me that you love me too." He shook his head. "This isn't love, Gabriella. It's a sick, dark obsession fueled by sexual chemistry. But it's not love." "I don't believe you." His face was emotionless. "I don't care." His eyes bore into hers. "I'm in love with Patricia." "Yeah, but you could love me too." Her heart was hammering inside her chest. "But I don't. Not like that." His cold words settled in the air. There was no understanding or sympathy behind them, just a matter of fact air. "You are fucking lying to me! You can have any of those other girls who are dying to screw you. Hell, the female teachers too. But you chose me." He remained silent as she melted. "I love you. And you love me too," she said, while he shook his head. "You do!" Her voice cracked as her eyes burned. She didn't want to cry. Not this time. Once again she had given everything and he relinquished nothing. "If it wasn't love, then why did you continue to come back to me? And don't you dare say it was sex, because—" "But that's what it was Gabriella, and nothing more." She shook her head, refusing to look at him. "And that's all it ever has been. I'm sorry, but I never led you to believe it was more." Her whole body burned from within. She lifted her damp hair from the back of her neck, hoping to cool down. She had not misread all those signs for a year. He was scared, she understood that, but he had to give her something. He had to let her know that she wasn't in this battle alone. "So you're telling me that from the very first time until now, that the only reason you kept coming back to me...the only reason you laughed with me or held me was because of sex? Is that what you're saying?" He placed his hands in his pockets and nodded. "Yeah." She was hoping she'd feel numb, but she didn't. She felt stupid. Angry. Stupid for putting her feelings out there, and angry that she had given into him instead of sticking to her original plan. What was so hard about checking up on him and then leaving? Ella stared at the door. The expression broken heart didn't seem to apply to her. To imply that a heart was broken, meant that there were pieces, shards that were still there but shattered. Ella felt nothing inside. She couldn't even feel it beating. Hollow, like the Tin Man. That movie kept her company many afternoons when she was a kid. She used to debate who had it worse. Dorothy's was the easiest. Home didn't mean shit, and Oz was much better than the farm where no one cared about her. The Scarecrow—well, sometimes ignorance was bliss. The Cowardly Lion, courage wasn't always just standing up to people. It came in many forms. But no heart? How were you supposed to have compassion for anyone or anything? What was the point of living if you couldn't share that with someone? And although she had kept hers guarded for years, something she learned from her mother, she now understood why protecting it was vital. To not let someone trample over it and toss it aside like garbage. She had offered Simon her heart and short of that, there was nothing she could do. Actually...there was something she could do. She slid off the desk and pulled her dress back on. She found her phone on the couch and dialed the last missed call. As it rang, she stared Simon in the face. "Hey, Nolan," she said when he answered. "Thank you for calling earlier, I just couldn't get to the phone." Simon's eyes narrowed. "But I've been doing some thinking about what we talked about and I'd love to be your girlfriend. Well, I know you were asleep so we can talk about it tomorrow. Goodnight." Ella snapped her phone shut and grabbed her coat. Simon didn't utter a word as she left his office. She had finally gotten the message. * Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Chapter 6 is on the way. And the usual thanks to my dynamic duo, Kaia and August...thanks so much for your guidance and support. Soular Gabriella Ch. 06 Gabriella Ella kept running through Grayson Hall until she reached the glass exit doors. It was the word 'please' that she had drawn and Simon had traced over, that stopped her from rushing outside. She stared as the condensation beaded up and rolled down the glass like teardrops. Just minutes before he had trapped her between the door and his warm body. Had they remained frozen in time, maybe she wouldn't be fighting back tears. Tears she refused to shed because it didn't matter. The cold enveloped her as she burst through the doors; it prickled her skin, reminding her she had left her jacket behind. There was no way she would go back to retrieve it. She dashed down the steps until she reached the car. The air burned her lungs while she fumbled with his keys. She jerked open the car door and slammed it shut behind her. If only the world would remain still long enough for her to catch her breath and gather her thoughts. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back but beneath her eyelids, a random image of Simon watching a football game appeared. She sat on the far end of the sofa where she pretended to study, but kept stealing glances at him. His feet were propped up on the coffee table; his hands were behind his head as his eyes focused on the flat screen. He didn't watch sports like most guys, who would whoop and howl when their teams were winning or losing. He didn't belong to the group that got down on their knees and begged God to intervene when the referees were clearly working for the devil. Simon never said a word as he concentrated on each play. She had glanced back down at her notebook, trying to sketch his profile, to no avail. She had not inherited the artistic gene like her mother, who was quite good at painting, even though Ella had never told her so. When she gazed at his face to try and fix an ear that was made too small, she was met with two deep blue eyes. Eyes that were slightly narrowed. In irritation or lust, she couldn't tell. She had never been able to read Simon. Perhaps that was where she messed up; thinking that he was in love with her, when it simply came down to sex. She had quickly shifted her focus that day, and tried to concentrate on her work, but that look stayed etched into her brain for whatever reason. Ella opened her eyes and glanced back at the building. The burnt reddish brown blocks created a barrier he would not cross. He wouldn't come to her. He was done. And now so was she. *** Though she could have driven from Darby to her house blindfolded, Ella didn't recall how she got there. Everything passed by her in a whirlwind until she found herself unlocking the front door of their house. In the shower, she scrubbed every trace of Simon from her skin until it felt as raw as her heart. Maybe the water would wash away every look, every smile, every touch. All of it. She didn't want those memories anymore. Ella crept down the dark hallway until she reached her room. The master bedroom door was partially open. Light snores hummed a tune through the silence. She peeked inside before she walked in. Her mother looked like a child as she lay cuddled on the far side of the king-sized bed. Ella reached out to touch the cool silk fabric of Simon's pillow. She imagined his reaction if he saw her now. This room was supposed to be off limits to her. This room was part of his other life, the one that really mattered to him. Her eyes stung. She was nothing more than an intruder in the life he wanted to protect and that's why he never liked seeing her in here. Images of the three of them together and of Simon and her alone shuffled through her mind. Ella couldn't recall a time in the past three years that she and her mom were together without him. She grabbed his pillow and hugged it to her. His warm, masculine scent lingered there. The same scent she had tried to wash away. She squeezed her eyes shut and tightened her grip on the soft pillow. What are you doing? Ella froze. Here she stood in his bedroom, heartbroken over a love that could never be hers while his wife—her mother—slept on. How did she wind up like this? Her life seemed so surreal, she didn't recognize it anymore. She set down the pillow and watched her mother sleep. What could they possibly talk about now especially with all the secrets she was carrying inside? The sadness and confusion she tried to wash away was back again, only different. ********** Simon Simon stared at the cluttered wall of accomplishments behind his desk, all proof that he had been a success. Academically speaking anyway. Personally was another story. He hadn't slept a wink after Gabriella left. She had provided him a welcome distraction from his self-inflicted misery...until he had sex with her. Now he sat alone in the dark again with nothing but thoughts. His eyes ached with dryness. He rubbed them before glancing at his watch. It was already seven in the morning, and as if on cue, the loud roar of the buffer machine sounded down the hallway. Students would start entering the building closer to eight when the first of the morning classes commenced. He stood and stretched, running his hand over the stubble on his chin. There wasn't enough time to shave, but a drug store run for a toothbrush and other toiletries to avoid the I-slept-in-my-office look was doable. "Shit," he mumbled when he noticed evidence of what he had done with Gabriella on his desk. His stomach turned while he remembered that minor detail he missed. Condoms. She was on the Pill. He didn't have anything to worry about...unless God decided to play a cruel joke on him, but even still, he had never wanted to risk an unwanted pregnancy. Ever. He rummaged through the desk drawers for something to clean with and found a bottle of anti-bacterial hand gel. He continued to wipe down the surface long after all traces of his betrayal had vanished. He wiped harder and faster until the joints in his arm burned. He broke into a sweat, but he couldn't stop. "Goddamn it!" he shouted, slinging the bottle and napkin across the small office and into the wall. He was slowly unraveling. Or he had finally hit rock bottom. His thoughts drifted to Patricia. The sweet, beautiful woman he was hurting again and again. A part of him hoped that with her knowing, it would ease the guilt he had felt about sneaking around for almost a year. But it hadn't. It had only grown worse because he had done what he so desperately had tried to avoid—he hurt her more. He was supposed to be the one she never had to worry about causing her pain. A man was supposed to protect his wife. He had felt a connection with her when he first saw her sitting at freshman orientation. He had snuck out of two lines to be in hers. That same connection drew him in just as fast the day she drifted back into his life sixteen years later. A life with Patricia was worth fighting for and it was all going to break apart if he didn't get a hold of himself. He checked his watch again and grabbed his helmet. *********** Patricia Patricia rolled over with her eyes closed. Her body ached, from her throbbing head to her cold toes. During the course of the night, humiliation, anger, confusion and sadness kept her company until she finally passed out. Simon wouldn't be next to her when she opened her eyes so she waited and waited until she felt strong enough to face her new reality. Slowly she peeked beneath one eyelid, then the other. A tear slid from the corner of her eye and into her hair. The first tear she had been able to produce since finding out about the other woman—no, girl. She always fought so hard just to gain the tiniest ground in every aspect of life but her relationship with Simon had promised to be different. Now their marriage had become another example of where she'd come up short. She headed for the bathroom, knowing that she needed more than to get by this time but she had no clue what to do. She swiped her hand across the misty mirror, her reflection staring back at her. The warm shower boosted energy. She dropped the towel and examined her body. Her breasts still sat relatively in the same place they once had when she was in her twenties, give or take a little bit. Her waist had remained trim through the years, minus the nine months she carried Ella, which resulted in no stretch marks. She had never been satisfied with her legs because she couldn't get them as toned as she wanted. But Simon had joked that he couldn't think of anything better than her legs wrapped around him. All in all, she wasn't that bad. Her trendy chin length cut matched her face and many had complimented her smile and hazel colored eyes. She had been more critical of herself as a young girl, but what had she known then? Nothing. Simon had always called her beautiful, and he had seemed sincere. She felt the need to look extra good today for some reason and paired a white fitted blouse with a black pencil skirt. A wide belt accentuated her curves, making her feel confident and pretty. The outfit resembled a sexy throwback to the secretaries in forties. She even decided on lipstick, which she hardly ever wore. She walked into the kitchen to find Ella finishing up a bowl of cereal. She looked awful, which wasn't an easy feat for her daughter. Her hair was a mess covering the left side of her face and she wore dark blue track pants with what appeared to be a long-sleeved pajama top. Not only was her getup mismatched, but Ella had class in thirty minutes. "Good morning," Patricia croaked while pouring coffee. When Ella didn't respond, she sighed and sipped from the mug, scalding the tip of her tongue. She sat down at the table while Ella remained hunched over her bowl, flipping through a magazine. "Do you have Simon's class today?" Patricia asked, but doubted Ella would dare walk out the house in that ghastly ensemble even if she did. "No." Patricia tapped the ceramic coffee cup with her fingernail. She had always worn the referee jacket between Ella and Simon, ready to diffuse the explosive clashes between his stern, no-nonsense style and her headstrong, troublemaking ways. But with Simon gone, she realized he was the one who offered the cushion. Without him, she and Ella were women of few words. Patricia tucked Ella's heavy hair behind her ear. Ella turned to glare at her then picked up her bowl and stalked out of the kitchen. "Sorry," Patricia mumbled out of earshot. The sound of the TV carried through the house. Patricia ran her hand over the flat cool table top wishing for Simon's guidance. How was it that she didn't know how to talk to her daughter? She had never been preoccupied with hard liquor and keeping track of a man, like her own mother. If that were the case, she could understand Ella keeping her distance, like she had done. But Patricia had refused to take her mother's path. So why was she so nervous and tentative every time she approached Ella, as if speaking would only make things worse, widening the gap between them? She understood Ella's resentment over her work schedule when she was younger. Children couldn't grasp the pressure of trying to make rent every month. And they weren't supposed to know the feeling of being so overwhelmed that a 16 hour work day was welcomed because it left you too tired to face how your life had turned out. But Ella would turn twenty in a few weeks and every year she withdrew more and more. Patricia was lost on how to reach her and when Ella did eventually move out, the chance may pass her altogether. She found Ella on the living room couch scooping up a mouthful of cereal while her eyes remained glued to the TV. Patricia waited for Ella to glance in her direction, but when she didn't, she cleared her throat and spoke. "I was wondering if you and I could have that girl's night out that I mentioned a few weeks back." Ella continued to chew and stare at the screen. "Hello?" Patricia said, waving her hands out. Ella's lips tightened. She picked up the remote and clicked the TV off. "Is there something you want to ask me?" Her tone was lifeless and her eyes never left the screen. Patricia shook her head and stepped further into the room. "No." Ella snapped her head in Patricia's direction. "Then I don't understand why we need to have this girl's night out." Patricia stared at Ella. This is where Simon would have inserted, 'Because I said so'. An answer Ella begrudgingly accepted. But that would never go down between them. Ella would just look at her as if she sprouted a second head. Or not acknowledge her answer at all. "Because you're my daughter and I'd like to spend time with you. I know you have a life of your own, but I don't think one day with me will kill you." Ella turned away and shook her head. Patricia wasn't sure if that was an answer of if she was fed up with her talking. "We can do something fun, you know," Patricia continued as she stepped closer. "Get our hair and nails done, or something like that." "Why?" "I told you, because you're my daughter." "Yeah, I know. But I've been your daughter for nineteen years. So why now?" Patricia sighed. Maybe she could get Ella to understand that every day presented challenges and life didn't always go according to plan. Had her life turned out the way she pictured it before Ella was born, she would be married to Rodney who would have been a high level executive at some corporate firm. She would have had the job of her dreams and her daughter would be her best friend, sharing everything from secrets to makeup. That was how life had looked at nineteen. But by twenty, she was alone, pregnant and a college dropout. It wasn't until years later that she thanked her lucky stars for not pressuring Rodney to marry her. He was a tall, beautiful man with the smoothest brown skin she had ever seen and a gorgeous smile. But he was beyond weak, and it took time to realize that. His grief over the end of his basketball career kept him from being a good father and partner. And if he was going to let one setback ruin the rest of his life then she and Ella were both better off without him. Patricia had no choice but to move on because she had a baby to provide for. She never believed she would love someone the way she loved Rodney, her first love so she never let a man get close to disappointing her again. But Simon erased all her romantic beliefs she had held fast to over the years and settled himself in the center of her heart. She had never been treated so wonderful. He would sit for hours and just listen to her drone on about any and everything. He would wake her up in the middle of the night to make love. He left notes underneath her pillow like a lovesick school boy. In her eyes, he had been perfect. Exactly what she needed. Exactly what Ella needed. Maybe all good men had a flaw. For some it was golf. Others gambling. Maybe for Simon it was screwing his students. The smile Patricia had been toying with quickly died as her tongue dried out. She pulled herself from thoughts of him before looking at her daughter. "I think now is better than never, right? Ella, I know because of my work schedule, I wasn't always able to be there for you. But life sometimes doesn't turn out the way you expect even when you give it your best. You have to make the most of it. I mean, you act as though I abandoned you or some—" "Oh, my God! Do you really want to do this now?" Ella asked, wild-eyed as she shot up. Patricia unintentionally took a step back. "Wha—?" "Don't kid yourself, the only reason you're even talking to me right now is because he's not here. Period. If he was, you would go right on pretending we were the perfect family." "That's not true!" "Mom, it is! It is true. But you know what, its fine. Really. I. Don't. Care. I'm okay. You don't have to try to make up for anything. Or explain anything. Or fix anything. And besides, I'll be gone soon and you can have Simon all—I mean you can have that happy fuss-free home you've been wanting." Patricia shook her head. "I don't understand why you hate me. You treat your father better than you do me." "What? I don't even talk to him!" "You don't talk to me either!" "Well...that door swings both ways." "I try to talk to you." Ella smiled and nodded. "Thank you. The past month that you've been trying to get to know me, I really appreciate it." She crossed her arms and looked on with surly satisfaction at winning the argument. Patricia opened her mouth with no defense. But only for a moment. "And what about the months before that?" "You're gonna be late," Ella said then walked past her and down the hall. Patricia grasped her earring, hoping to find the words that would mend years of hurt. "I do love you, Ella, whether you believe that or not," she said with her eyes to the floor. A door slammed in response. She grabbed her purse and coat but turned around when she got to the front door. After setting down her things, she headed for Ella's bedroom with quick, purposeful strides. "Ella?" she called out as she knocked the door. "Ella?" "What?" "Are you going to class today?" "Yeah." Patricia opened the door a crack and peeked in to find Ella sitting on her bed. "Is Nolan picking you up? What's wrong?" "Nothing," Ella replied quickly and started straightening the sheets. She probably had a fight with Nolan and the last person she was going to confide in was her mother. "I'll take you to school." Before Ella could protest she said, "Hurry up." For the first time in a long while, Ella simply did as her mother asked. ********** Gabriella Dressed in baggy track pants and an oversized top, Ella didn't look like her normal self and she didn't feel like herself either. So the attire was appropriate. She sent a text to Nolan earlier that morning saying he didn't have to pick her up because her mom had dropped her off. He immediately called her back but she didn't answer. Were she not skating on thin ice with a few professors, she would have bailed on all her classes. She just didn't care today. She had walked past Simon's office once, but the door was closed and no light shone from beneath. But that was because he was in class. She knew his schedule by heart. There were many times in the past year that she had snuck down to his office when she knew he had fifteen minutes between classes. She should have known then that those days were numbered. There was no way for them to last forever unless he left her mother. And that was an option she should have known was never up for discussion. Ella sat in the school cafeteria picking at a bag of Doritos that was supposed to act as a decoy while sat in a corner and stared off into space. She had gotten two more calls from Nolan but she ignored them. The conversation with her mother had come as a shock and Ella still didn't know what to make of it. She couldn't understand her mother's response to their life together. She really acted as though it were okay that her not coming home was only about work and not because she sometimes didn't want to be around her own daughter. Maybe her mother was delusional. She had seen an episode of Oprah while she waited in the doctor's office a few years ago, about moms who abused or neglected their kids, and years later when the children finally confronted them, they acted as though nothing was wrong and that their children were crazy. It was hard to watch and it had Oprah in tears. But Ella had been more worried about the pregnancy test that she was there to take courtesy of the principal's son and a broken condom, so she tuned out the rest of the show. But maybe her mother didn't remember those nights she wasn't at work. Or how long she would sit in the car parked down below their building. Ella would watch from the window, the apartment dark, just staring down at her mom's broken blue Datsun. Her mother would sit there for over an hour sometimes. When she finally entered the building, Ella would sprint back to her room, hop in the bed and pretend to be asleep. Gabriella Ch. 06 Ella's young mind had made up all of these stories for why her mother was absent. Maybe she was a vampire. She would go on killing sprees during the night time, mainly targeting men for her father mistreating her. Or maybe she was a prostitute. They also worked at night. Ella conjured up so many stories over the years, but by her teens she stopped caring. It was just a part of life. In high school, Ella's 'bad girl' friends thought she was the luckiest girl on the planet. A mom who wasn't home equaled full debauchery. But what they didn't realize is it got old quickly. She would bring a guy home, they would screw and then he would leave. She would sit in her room until hours later when her mom came home. But there was never any discussion about who was in and out of their apartment, because the guys she slept with all had curfews, so getting in trouble wasn't even an option. But that was all before Simon. When he came into the picture, he had been the one who suggested—or demanded rather, they do things as a family much to Ella's dismay. That first year, she had hated it. She would ignore his questions about what she had done in school or her plans for the weekend, still upset that her mother had dragged this stranger into their life. And now she couldn't imagine her life without him. Who else would give a shit? Ella glanced back down at her phone. Nolan was calling again. She reached into the bag of chips before she felt lips on the back of her neck. "What the—" she started, before Nolan sat down beside her. "So, you were ignoring my calls." He was smiling, but his voice held an air of hurt. "I'm sorry. It's just been a shitty day. I was going to call you back when I wasn't Debbie downer." He stole a chip. "What's wrong?" Ella shook her head. "Nothing. Just issues with my mom and Simon. I'll get over it." "Sure you don't want to talk about it?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "Okay." Nolan took another chip before pinching her leg. "So, do you want to talk about you being my girlfriend?" Ella looked up at him. She had forgotten about that call. He leaned closer to her, his green eyes sparkling. "Yeah, I may have been passed out, but I do remember you saying you would be my girlfriend." Now wasn't the time she wanted to talk about diving into a relationship, especially since she had no practice in that area. She balled the empty bag up and tossed it aside. "Yeah, I remember." A tall guy with dark chocolate skin and a muscular build walked by. "Sup, Nolan?" he said, as he slung his backpack from one shoulder to the other. Nolan gave a nod, before turning his attention back to her. He leaned in even closer, as he pushed her hair from her shoulder. "So, did you mean it?" Ella had hoped the good-looking black guy would come back to their table and strike up a conversation with Nolan so she could have more time to think. But he walked right by and playfully pushed a tanned blonde girl out of the way. The girl dropped her bag and chased him out of the cafeteria. Ella tried to keep her eyes on the couple but she knew Nolan was waiting for an answer. Waiting and hoping. She knew all too well how it felt. The look on his face poked at her conscience. If only she hadn't driven to campus last night. "Um, yeah. I mean, if you wanted to," she said. At this point in her life, Nolan was the only one in her corner. She couldn't bear to hurt him. "Yep. Been wanting that for a long time," he stated with a smile before he pulled her in for a kiss. She stopped him. "Don't you think I look just tragic today?" He stared into her eyes. "No." "Liar. You didn't even—" He pulled her onto his lap and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as they began a make-out session in the middle of the university cafeteria. She remained connected to his lips as her eyes scanned the room. Much like she had watched the playful couple, now everyone was watching them. ********** Patricia Patricia peered over the top of her cubicle to Sam's office. He looked like a corporate Humpty Dumpty as he mindlessly swiveled in his chair, bragging about a golf score. By day's end, the work he was supposed to be doing would find its way to someone else's desk. He almost managed to sound happy. That was a side he never displayed directly to Patricia. She only caught glimpses of it when their bonus checks came in and when Megan, the office bimbo intern flirted with him. Even though her job title was Junior Researcher, Patricia felt more like the glorified assistant to the office prick. She reached into her drawer to pull out some thumbtacks, shaking her head at how much she hated her career path. A path she was still confused about. "Ow!" She glanced down at her thumb as a small red dot appeared. "Mother—" "Fucker," Myra finished, leaning over the cubicle wall. "Thanks." "You're welcome." Myra popped her chewing gum. "But I knew you wouldn't have given it a proper ending. You would have said 'mother humper' or some Disney rated version of 'fucker'." And Myra would be right. Just not for the reason she thought. Patricia refrained from using obscene language not because she was a prude but because she had heard a lifetime's worth by age twelve. Patricia rubbed her temples. "Well forgive me for not having a potty mouth." "You're forgiven, Snow White. But trust me, the world will feel more liberating when you let out a 'fuck-shit-Goddamn it. I mean it." Patricia shoved her keyboard aside and rested her head on her desk. "I'll take your word for it." "What's wrong?" "My life sucks." Sam's annoying laugh filled the air as he bragged about what a great sportsman he was. "No, I read about this woman who lost her husband to cancer, her son in Iraq and her other son to a drunk driver all in the same month. I mean, damn...her life sucks. Your life is just kinda, at a down point." Patricia lifted her head. "You're right." Myra smiled. "Aren't I always?" The clicking of keyboards and the ringing of phones usually drowned out the outside world. Work had always been an escape, almost like walking into Hades' Lair. Sure it was hell, but at least it was another place. But today had been different. The only thing that occupied her mind was Simon and Ella, and the broken pieces that she had yet to pick up. "I kicked him out." Myra nodded and sat on her desk. "For how long?" "I don't know. I mean, he's the one who did wrong, so why do I feel like I'm being punished? It was miserable without him in the house. I didn't know what to do with myself." Myra checked out her nails. "Where was Ella?" Patricia shrugged. "I don't know. I think she was at home when I went to bed. But you know, she's been spending a lot of time with this new guy." Myra nodded again. "Well, what are you going to do?" "I don't know. I miss him, Myra. I love him so much but I'm so confused. I feel like every step I take is a step in the wrong direction." Myra abruptly stood. "Come on, let's grab a drink." Patricia glanced around. "Are you kidding, it's eleven in the morning. I only had coffee for breakfast and besides, you know how Sam is." "Fuck him. He's an asshole." "I know, but that a-hole still signs my checks." "Okay, I'll fix this. Go to his office and pretend to ask him something." "What?" Myra pulled Patricia up and shoved her towards his door. "Just ask him something," she said, giving her one more push into Sam's office. She glanced back but Myra was standing off to the side. She waved her on. Patricia turned her attention back to Sam. He was typing furiously as if the keys would conceal his work ethic. He glanced at her and sighed. "Yeah?" "Sam... I was just. Well, you know those graphics that we used on the—" "Patricia!" Myra screamed. Patricia jumped and let out a small cry. "Oh my God, I'm glad I found you. Your daughter's school said they've been trying to reach you. Ella is really sick and has been throwing up for the past hour. They've basically quarantined her in the nurses' station." Patricia stared at Myra as if she had lost her mind. "What are you—" Myra's eyes narrowed. "Oh! Oh, my God, I should go pick her up, right?" "Um, yeah...they don't want her there." "What's going on? Your child is sick?" Both women turned to Sam. Patricia nodded. "Uh, yeah, apparently my daughter is really ill. I should go pick her up." "I hope it's not contagious, or like that flu that everyone has been getting," Myra added, shivering with disgust. "I heard it takes weeks to fully recover from it." Sam's eyes honed in on Patricia. "Yes, please leave and if she's still sick, don't even think about coming in tomorrow. I have an important tournament this weekend and I don't want you or your daughter's germs infecting me so I can't play." "Of course, Sam. If she's still ill, I'll sit at home with her. Thanks. I'll be on blackberry for the rest of the day." Sam turned his attention back to the monitor. Patricia and Myra rushed off like two giddy school girls. When they reached the elevators they burst into laughter. "Oh my God, I can't believe you did that," Patricia said. "And next time, give me a little warning, will ya?" Myra laughed. "Okay, next time we'll script it out." "How did you know he'd buy it?" "Well, one, he probably didn't even know you had a kid until just now because he's an asshole and I'm sure he wouldn't have known how old she was. So, I used the oldest excuse in the book." "Smart woman. Can you take off now? What about Dave?" "Please, Dave knows better than to come at me like that. When I need a moment, I need a moment or else he'd get cursed the-fuck-out in Spanish. So, he always just says, "Okay." When they pulled up at Teddy's, Patricia fought hard not to say anything about Myra choosing her normal date spot with Simon and the scene of their first discussion of infidelity. Patricia stared down at the menu. "It's not even noon yet, we can't drink." "Sure we can, we'll just do Mimosas. Plus, why do you care, you don't have to go back to work, lucky bitch." Patricia cocked her head. "This is true. One Mimosa it is." Myra leaned back in her seat. "So, talk to me, what are you feeling?" Patricia focused on the lines in the wooden table before she spoke. "I don't know. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. I believe he loves me, and I know I love him, so why can't I just let it work?" "That's simple. Because he cheated." Patricia nodded. "I know. I feel myself changing though and I hate it." Myra dived into her drink as soon as the waiter placed it down. "What do you mean?" "Like, whenever he's on the phone, I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't want to be one of those women who are so insecure and paranoid, that they search through their husbands email and call log. Or follow them. I want to be able to trust him again. And I think I do, I'm just still hurt. I slowly feel myself going crazy." "But I think what you're feeling is natural though. Those were some of the feelings I was having with Carlos. Well, mine were a little more homicidal, but still, I was hurt and confused." "How did you cope with it?" "A punching bag with his picture taped to it." Patricia laughed. "Okay, well I'm not ready to take up boxing just yet." Myra sipped her drink. "Hey, if it helps." "I know. But I try not to let it bother me. I mean, everyone gets cheated on, right? My father cheated on my mother...heck, I don't have any girlfriends who haven't been cheated on. You included. Maybe it was ridiculous to think that it wasn't going to happen." "Oh please!" Myra said loudly, slamming her hand down on the table. She was perhaps already a little buzzed. "Expecting your husband to keep his dick to himself after you're married isn't asking for a lot. Don't sell yourself short." "I know, but with Facebook and Myspace and all of these high-tech ways to meet people, I mean cheating is just running rampant. Did you know there were sites that are run by matchmakers who specifically hook up people who want to cheat on their spouses? What the hell? Does no one respect the institution of marriage anymore?" "Least of all men. You know what I think? I think it's hanging around that friend of his too much. What's his name...Steven? Didn't you say he had a chronic case of bacheloritis?" "Yeah." "Well, there you go." Patricia diverted her attention behind Myra. "That guy keeps staring over here." "What guy?" Myra asked loudly, as she scanned the room. "Don't look now," Patricia whispered. A man in a business suit kept glancing in her direction when he wasn't sipping from a lowball glass. She smoothed one side of her hair behind her ear. Patricia glanced back at him again and he smiled. Myra turned around anyway. "Oh geez, he looks like a douche bag." "Myra, why don't you go lesbian already since you hate men so much?" "Lesbians don't hate men. Actually, they like them, they just prefer not to sleep with them. I on the other hand hate men, but very much enjoy sleeping with them. What does that make me?" "A feminist?" They both cracked up. Patricia tried to compose herself as her eyes shifted to the man again. He threw back the rest of his drink and slammed it down on the bar before slowly walking over. "Oh my God, he's coming over here." "Whoopty doo," Myra said while tipping her drink up. "Hey ladies, mind if I join you?" His voice was a little higher pitched than Patricia expected but he was still a very attractive man. Although he did look like a shark in a suit, with slicked back hair and a smirk. A modern Gordon Gekko protégé, but Patricia felt daring. So what, she could have drinks with a stranger. After all, Simon was had slept with someone else. Drinks were harmless compared to that. She flashed him a smile. "Sure." "Thanks." He sat down, glancing at Myra before turning his attention back to Patricia. "I'm Nigel. And you are...?" "Patricia. And this is my friend Myra." Myra was practically leaning on the table as she stuck her hand out. Nigel quickly shook it. "You ladies work around here?" The question was directed at both of them, but his eyes never left Patricia as he gave her a subtle onceover. "Yeah, just down the street at Clemmon's Communication. The market research company." "Oh yeah, I've heard of it. Well, what are two pretty young things like you doing here so early in the day?" Patricia felt the tip of Myra's heel knick her shin. She winced in pain before she spoke. "Um, just chatting. Having an early lunch." "Analyzing why men are douche bags," Myra piped in. "Hey, you're a man...why is that?" Patricia kicked Myra back. Nigel's mouth opened as he glanced back and forth between the two of them. "Oh, are you two together?" "No!" "Yes." "No, we're not," Patricia chimed in again. Myra smiled. "I was just messing with you, Nick." "Nigel." "Yep," Myra said as she sipped her drink. "I'm going to the bathroom." She stood up and walked away. Patricia shook her head. "I'm sorry, she's not usually like that." "Oh, I'm sure she is," he said with a laugh. Patricia chuckled. "Yeah, I guess you're right." "So, maybe I could call your office and we could have a quick lunch together or something." "I—I'm not sure." Patricia was in new territory. It had been ages since she had been on a date with someone other than her husband. Even before Simon, she let work consume her life, just accepting the fact that she would never marry. But now that she was with Nigel, instead of feeling exciting, she started feeling anxious. "Here's my card," he said, sliding a cream colored card across the table. Nigel Maloney, Esq. "You're an attorney?" she asked, slipping the card into her purse. "Yeah, don't hold it against me." Patricia smiled. "No, I wouldn't." "You have a beautiful smile." Patricia wanted to smile, but his compliment seemed like a line. Especially since his eyes had drifted to her legs. She had a quick flash of herself having sex with the slicked haired attorney and her stomach turned. His hand rubbing over her body, his sweat dripping onto her as he fed her more cheesy lines. She felt nauseous. "Excuse me," Patricia said, standing up. "I should find out what's taking my friend so long." "Oh, okay." He stood. "Um, maybe I can pick you up tomorrow at Clemmon's?" "I don't think—" Patricia started, before she noticed the faint pale band of skin at the base of his ring finger. Where a ring obviously had been. Her head shot up. "Are you married?" His eyes widened. "What?" "Are you married?" Patricia demanded in a harsh tone. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and cleared his throat. "Well, my wife and I have a complicated relationship, so—" "I'm sure it's not that freaking complicated." Patricia turned to leave, but felt him grip her arm. "Wait a second. You're wearing a ring too." His eyes shifted to her hand. Patricia glanced down at the thin gold band. Maybe Nigel had a point. Perhaps it all was more complicated than she thought. Almost three years ago when Simon slipped the ring on her finger at a small quiet ceremony, she never could have imagined that he would cheat on her. Or that she'd be in their favorite spot contemplating sleeping with another man. Or maybe everyone made things complicated when they didn't have to be. Life could be simple if you wanted it to be. She handed Nigel's card back. "Bye," she said, before heading to the restroom to find Myra. Simple enough. *** Patricia avoided all eye contact with the students as she walked down the corridors of Grayson Hall, although she did do a double take every time a blonde girl passed, making her wonder if that was elusive Sarah. She knocked on Simon's door. No answer. She knocked again before slowly opening the door. There, she had given him more than enough warning in case there was something on the other side of the door that she didn't want to witness. The coast was clear. She closed the door behind her and set her purse on the couch. As soon as she dropped Myra back at work, she had driven around in circles until she ended up at Darby. She did a full inspection of his office. Stacks of papers sat piled on his desk. Everything looked in place until she noticed a small black coat neatly folded and resting on the arm of his sofa. Too small to be his. She swallowed hard before she examined it. It was Ella's. She was sure of it, although she thought Ella had worn it home last night when Nolan dropped her off. She folded the jacket and placed it back on the sofa. She sat down behind his desk in his squeaky office chair. When she slid it across the floor, the idea that Sarah once sat in this chair made Patricia jump up out of it. She was being paranoid. Or was she? Her curiosity insisted she check the drawer that opened this nightmare. She slowly opened them one by one, saving the drawer that held the condoms for last. But she only found office supplies. What he had done with them? Patricia shook her head. She was here to make amends not make things worse. Hopefully he had confessed the worst. She wanted to reach the place where she could forgive him and move on. She heard a knock on the door. "Professor Graham!" the female voice shouted. Patricia tensed. The fact that Simon met with students throughout the day right here every day rarely crossed her mind. One in particular who needed more than to talk about test scores and grades. The door slung open and a tall girl in tight denim pants and a fitted gray shirt that read 'Volley or Die' on it walked through the door. And she was blonde. Gabriella Ch. 06 Patricia froze as her throat dried out. "Oh," the girl said, before she ducked her head back out and read the name on the door. She glanced back at Patricia. "Have you seen Professor Graham?" Patricia couldn't speak as she shook her head. "Crap. Okay, sorry." "What's your name?" Patricia asked when her vocal cords resumed function. The girl looked skeptically at Patricia. "Allison," she said slowly, sounding out each syllable. Patricia exhaled. Not Sarah. Not her nightmare. Not her opponent. "Hey, Allison. I'm his wife. Did you want to leave a message for him?" "Oh, cool. Can you just tell him that I can't take the make-up test today because if I'm late for practice, Coach won't let me start tomorrow." Patricia smiled. She had missed out on so much of this when she was in school. "Sure, I'll let him know." "Thanks!" The girl jetted out of the door when Patricia heard a thud and then her husband's voice. "Whoa, slow down Alli. And where are you going? You're supposed to be taking a test now." "I know, I just told your wife I can't today. Coach Davis won't let me start tomorrow. Monday? Please?" the girl begged. Patricia strained her ears to hear his reply. "My wife?" "Yeah, she's in your office. So, Monday okay?" "Uh, yeah," he mumbled before he walked through the door. His hair was slightly disheveled and lighter brown in color without gel to keep it tame. He wore the same clothes from the day before, but he still looked sexy. For an instant, she wished she had married someone less attractive. Someone who most women in a small town wouldn't fantasize about sleeping with. Patricia gave him a small smile. "Hey." "Hey," he answered softly, his baby blues searching her eyes. "How are you?" "I'm okay. You?" He smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I'm better now that you're here." They were both quiet. She rubbed the small bump from the thumbtack injury and the slight pain got her to refocus. "I had some free time for lunch and wanted to talk. Are you free now? I mean, if it's a bad time, we don't—" "No, I'd love to talk now." He must have realized how eager he sounded because he stuffed his hands into his pockets and in a calmer voice said, "If you're okay with that." Patricia nodded. Simon was about to speak when another voice cut him off. "Professor Graham, I need to talk to you about my grade. This is just retarded," the female voice carried into the room, right as blonde hair came into focus behind him. She couldn't make out the face, but the high pitch squeak in the girl's voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Simon turned around. "We can talk about that later." "But—" "Not now, Sarah. Monday." Patricia's stomach hit the floor. Her throat went dry and she could hear a drumbeat pounding in her ears. Blonde. Sarah. Simon's shoulder obstructed the girl's face, but Patricia knew it was her. It had to be. "I—" the girl tried again. "Out. Now," Simon ordered then shut the door. He turned around and shook his head. "These kids are driving me—" His eyebrows drew together. "What's wrong?" Patricia's insides were trembling. She had faced the other woman before in college with Rodney. The girls who claimed they slept with him would look on with smug expressions as they whispered to their friends and laughed in Patricia's direction. She stood alone with her chin up while her body burned with shame. She hated those girls, hated being the butt of the joke. And most of all she hated that it was Rodney who had helped make her junior year of college one of constant humiliation. Those feelings had been dead and buried for years...until now. Simon turned toward the door again, before looking back at her. "Patri—" he started, before his eyes widened. It was almost comical how it clicked in his mind right before her eyes. "Oh! No, no, no, no....tha—that wasn't her." "I have to go," Patricia whispered through her constricted vocal cords. Simon grabbed her as she rushed around the desk. "Patricia, look at me," he said, spinning her around. There was a frantic sound in his voice. "That's not her, I swear to you, that's not her!" She jerked free and reached for the door, before Simon grabbed her again, this time from behind, barring her hands from grasping the knob. He pulled her to his body, her back pressed against his chest. His arms were like steel bands around her. He breathed against her ear. "I swear to you, that wasn't her, honey. I swear." Patricia struggled to calm her breaths as adrenaline still flooded her system. She felt scared, like she had been dropped from a building. His grip tightened around her and he buried his face in her hair as he slowly rocked them back and forth. "God, I'm so sorry I made you like this." She heard the strain in his voice. "I'm sorry." "That wasn't her." Patricia wasn't sure if she was asking a question or declaring a statement. But either way, she felt that she had to hear the words out loud once more. "No." Patricia slumped against him. Every bit of energy she had was drained. She assumed after Myra's efforts to get her a day off from work, it would be less stressful then it had become. They remained joined together, back to front, for several minutes. Her eyes remained on the door as his heartbeat vibrated through her body. Students laughed and talked as they passed his door, and each time she prayed the surprise visits had finally ceased for the day. She couldn't take any more surprises. "Do you want to get out of here?" he asked. Patricia nodded. Simon released her long enough to grab his office keys and lock up. He held her hand as he navigated them around the horde of people waiting to get into classes. A few girls chatted in groups while several guys acknowledged their friends the only way that young college boys know how...cupping their mouths and shouting their names. Some eyed her and one of them was so bold as to say, "Nice, Professor Graham." Patricia hid her smile. They reached an empty lecture room. Simon released her hand and walked to the white erase board located at the front of the room. In big bright red letters he wrote: Professor Graham's 2pm and 4pm Ancient History classes are cancelled for today. He turned to her and smiled. "Let's go." *** Patricia stared at Simon's profile in the car. He needed a shave and his eyes seemed deeper set than normal. His brown hair flirted with the tips of his ears, something she knew he hated, but she thought was adorable. "Where are we going?" "Home," he answered, keeping his eyes on the road. "What's at home?" "I just feel it's the best place for us to start again. Not away at some resort. I should have realized that the first time." Patricia turned to the window and considered his answer. She really believed that a weekend in a winter wonderland would erase their problems. But she hadn't been able to push it aside. Nothing had fallen back into place once they returned, and she couldn't pretend. When they pulled into their driveway, Simon hopped out. Patricia wrestled with her seatbelt before swinging her door wide. A thud sounded on the other side and she looked up to find Simon limping backwards. "Ow." "Oh my God, I'm sorry!" she said. "Are you okay?" He rubbed his knee and limped toward her. "I might not have a career in pro football anytime soon, but I guess I deserved that. At any rate, I was trying to open the door for you." Patricia held back a giggle. "I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention." Once inside, Patricia dropped down onto the couch. Now that they were alone in the house together, she was clueless on how to begin this "healing" process. Simon sat down beside her. He placed his face into his hands and noisily exhaled before turning to her. "Do you hate me?" His eyes were full of sadness. It was a simple question. Patricia had asked herself the same thing last night as she tossed and turned. Did she hate him for what he had done? What he destroyed? "No," she answered quietly. "I hate what you did, but I don't hate you. I could never hate you." He nodded and leaned back. "I realize that this is a deep wound that I can't cover with a band aid. I can't expect a trip and one month to make it better. This is something that might take more than a month or two...or even a year if not longer. I feel like I was giving you a time limit for the amount of pain that I've put you through. I was just being stupid and trying to take the easy road out of this fu—crazy mess I caused." Patricia stared down at her hands. "Why did you do it?" When he didn't answer, she looked up at him. He was staring at his interlaced fingers while he twirled his thumbs over one another. His light pink lips were turned down. "I think if I just knew that, it could help me cope with all of this. But I'm left wondering everything," she added. "I think..." Patricia held her breath. Now she wasn't so sure she wanted to hear the answer. "...she reminded me of how I used to be. Of a different life I could have had." He spoke slowly as if he were thinking about the words as they left his mouth. How they sounded. What they meant. Patricia folded the words over and over in her brain to make sense of them. "Of a better life?" He shook his head. "No. Just different." But did different mean better? Patricia watched his thumbs as they rolled back and forth over one another. He was nervous although his voice didn't betray it. "Do you regret marrying me?" He turned to her, his eyes serious. "Absolutely not. There's not been a single day that I've woken up and regretted that decision. If anything, it's the opposite. I can't imagine my life without you." She ran her sweaty hands down her skirt. She couldn't think of anything to say. "I guess I should turn that question on you. Do you regret marrying me?" "No." She couldn't give the conviction around why she felt that way, but her answer was still the same as his. Simon nodded. "What was she like?" Patricia couldn't bear to utter her name again. His body tensed. "Nothing like you. And I mean that as a compliment." "So, what was she like?" She wasn't going to let him off that easy. If his married life was so great, then what was it about Sarah that was strong enough to make him stray? He sighed and wiped a hand down his face. "I don't know. I—well..." He shrugged. "She was very combative and stubborn." "Sounds like a winner," Patricia snorted, turning away from him. She hadn't meant to sound sarcastic, but it was hard to remain diplomatic. Simon gave a nervous chuckle. "So she was combative and stubborn...and obviously good in bed." "Patricia, let's not go there, please?" "Fine. I think I'm going to head back into work," she announced. She stood as his hand jetted out and grasped her arm. "Wait, wait, wait," he said, pulling her back down. When she was seated, he looked away from her. "Fuck," he mumbled under his breath. The obscenity got her attention. Well, she wanted Simon to be real with her. That's the only way this marriage had a chance to work. He shook his head and turned back toward her. "I think my relationship with her was strictly sexual." "You think?" "I know." "So she could have been any random girl, right? She wasn't special to you in any way? You didn't have any feelings for her while you were seeing her for a whole year?" Patricia actually didn't know which was worse. Finding out that he would just sleep with any random girl, or finding out that this girl was special to him. "I don't know what to say to you." "Just tell me the truth." "The truth," he repeated. "The truth is none of it was planned. And I can't explain why it went on for as long as it did because I was miserable most of the time. You asked if I had feelings for her. Yeah, I feel responsible and guilty because I realize now that underneath her tough girl bravado was just a girl who needed someone to believe in her. I should've been there for as a mentor and a friend, and nothing else." He sounded disappointed in himself and Patricia started to believe he'd never jeopardize their marriage this way again. "The truth is, I was wrong, Patricia. I have no other defense than I'm sorry to the billionth degree. And I'm not sorry because I got caught, I was sorry from the first time it happened." "Has she accepted that it's over?" A dark look crossed Simon's face. "Yes. She's with someone else." He gently ran his fingertips over her hand. "I just want my life, our life, back." A warm sensation flowed through her arms as she looked up at his face. His eyes held an intensity that she had never seen in another human being. The first time she had noticed it, was when he stared down at her as a cocky eighteen-year-old while she filled out his orientation papers. She found it hard to concentrate during their tour of the campus. She felt his eyes on her the whole time, making her feel exposed in a crowd full of strangers. He strolled off to the side, his hands in his pockets but his eyes never left hers. Not even when she asked the group to look in a certain direction. "If I could go back and undo everything, I would in a second," he continued. "Honestly, I don't know what else to say to you. If I was an English professor, I could quote you some sonnets, but I'm not. My specialty is history and analyzing the past. And I've done that with my past behavior a million times and a million times later, I can't justify a single thing during the affair. I—I really don't know what's left for me to say other than I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you." For the first time since Patricia's world fell apart, she unleashed tears. She covered her face and turned away, but he pulled her closer to him. "I love you, wife," he whispered again in her ear, as he cradled her. She was ready to make things right. There was no magic button to transport her to the past and stop what happened. There was no quick fix or special cure to make everything better again. It was going to take work and trust and love. And she was willing to put one hundred percent into all three. She wiped the streaks from her cheeks. "W—we can make this work, ri—right?" she hiccupped out. He pulled her face to his and kissed her. Patricia felt the ice melting around her heart. Feeling his lips against hers made her body tingle with an old familiar feeling. Simon was not Sam or Nigel or Rodney and neither of those men could ever be him. Despite this one setback in their relationship, he had been damn near flawless, and at times causing her to feel like she wasn't good enough for him. She remembered thinking what exactly did she bring to the relationship besides baggage? A disgruntled teenager and no money. But he accepted her with arms wide open and gave her a chance. She would now return the favor. She pulled away from him and walked to the window. She peered out. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Nothing, just wondering when Ella will be home." She turned around and crossed her arms over her chest. Simon glanced at the cable box. "Not sure, but she usually isn't home until late in the afternoon." Patricia held a straight face as she walked past him, her hips swinging a little more than they naturally did. She didn't give him another glance as she removed her belt and dropped it to the ground. She slowly unzipped the back of her skirt as she glanced over her shoulder. Simon remained seated on the couch, but his fists were balled and his eyes were blazing. His chest rose and fell as she zoned in on the strong outline of his desire through his pants. She blew him a kiss before turning around and stepping out of her skirt. ********** Gabriella Ella contemplated her nails. She had never really cared for that sort of thing, but maybe a manicure with her mom wouldn't be the end of the world. She didn't really have girlfriends, so the whole concept made her nervous. Sitting with another woman and talking about life. She'd rather do that with Simon. She felt herself around him. She bit the hangnail from her pinky. "Ow, shit." She shook off the sting and scanned the parking lot. A sigh escaped her, knowing that she had been sitting in Nolan's car for almost two hours. Never in a million years did she imagine being the girlfriend to a jock. Screw them, yeah, why not? But date one of them, she just never pictured it. In high school she avoided them like the plague until they came sniffing around while their girlfriends heads were turned. But at least they had been honest with her. She knew where she stood with them. With Simon, had she really read all of his signs wrong? Did he really not care about her? Ella removed her sneakers and oversized long-sleeved shirt, leaving her with a tight white tank top underneath. She tilted the seat back and placed her feet on the dashboard. At least today was a little warmer than it had been. She closed her eyes, hoping that thoughts of Simon would fade away. "Hey, Ella." She knew that voice. Just the slow pronunciation of her name irritated her. "Hey, Bryan," she said, looking up and shielding her face from the sun. His black hair was shiny and slightly curled from being wet. He smiled. "What's a sexy girl like you doing out by yourself?" "Waiting on Nolan. Is he coming out?" "Yeah, I think he was talking to coach about something." "Oh." Ella faced the window hoping Bryan would take a hint. "So...you hooking up with my boy now?" "Kinda none of your business, is it?" "Hey, chill out. He already questioned me about it. I told him we fucked once so have at it." "Gee, thanks." "Well, I could have told him more." "Like what?" Ella asked. "Well, how you like to do friends. And cousins, brothers...whatever," he said with a smirk. Ella closed her eyes and held up her middle finger. "I wish," she heard him say. "Bryan, why don't you go bother Rebecca?" "She's at some sorority meeting." He sounded annoyed. But that was Rebecca. It's as if she watched Mean Girls for for the purpose of learning how to be a complete and utter bitch. Asshole boyfriend? Check. Group of Cronies? Check. Joining every social group for popular girls so you can rule the world? Check. Bryan squatted and folded his arms over the windowsill. The shoulder area of his white polo shirt was wet and a clean soap smell filled her nose. He rested his chin on top of his arms. "She really doesn't like you, you know." Of course she knew. Rebecca wanted everyone to know. She had made that clear back in high school when she began spreading every rumor in the book about her. Ella had thought going away to college would change it, but it hadn't. It had only worsened over the years. "I give a shit?" He shrugged. "She said you two used to be best friends until you fucked like half the basketball team or something." "I'm sure she did say that." "Well then tell me, why do you hate each other now?" "Bryan, seriously, why do you care? I know you don't want us to make up and be besties, especially not now." "Oh, this isn't just about you two...this is about me. If you guys are friends again, maybe I could talk her into a threesome." He raised his eyebrows suggestively as Ella pushed his arms away from the window. "Go away." He laughed. "I'm just playing with you. Besides, I know Becca...she was just jealous of you." "Right," Ella said slowly. "She had everything...what on earth would make you think that?" "Because she talks about you all the time. Even now. 'I hate that slut' and 'she thinks she's so hot'," Bryan mimicked in a high pitched voice. "Gets old after a while." Ella took in this information but refused to think too hard on it. Rebecca was in the past. "Whatever." Gabriella Ch. 06 He ran a finger over her shoulder blade before she swatted it away. "I still enjoyed fucking you," he whispered. "You are such a tool." "It's true though. You're the best I ever had," he said, singing out the last part of the famous song. Ella tried to withhold a laugh, but failed. "You're an idiot." "What's so funny?" Bryan stood and took a step back as Nolan approached. His face was hardened catching Ella off guard. "Your girl is mean. She was making fun of Becca." Ella scoffed. "No I wasn't, and he was just leaving." Nolan's eyes lingered on Bryan a beat longer before he slid into the driver's seat. He pulled her toward him and planted a tight quick kiss on her lips. "Hey," she said, still unsure of his mood. He smiled back but didn't answer. "You hanging out with us tonight?" Bryan interrupted. "Nah, I'll pass." Bryan leaned through the window, causing Ella to push back into the seat. "Ah, come on man. You never hang out anymore." "I'll be busy tonight." Bryan looked at Ella before rolling his eyes back to Nolan. "I'm sure." He stuck his arm out waiting for Nolan to pound his fist. "But fuck it, I'll call you anyway." Nolan stared out for a moment before he turned and looked at Bryan. "Okay," he said and tapped his knuckles with his fist. "Cool. Later," he said, retracting his arm. "Bye Ella." He turned and laughed as he walked away. Ella rolled her eyes and focused back on Nolan. He pulled his navy ball cap lower on his forehead, shielding his eyes. He pulled out of the stadium parking lot without another word. When they turned onto the main street that led them to her house, Ella asked, "You okay?" He nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine." ********** Simon Simon ripped open Patricia's blouse as he propelled his back through the bedroom door, pulling her with him. Their lips hadn't unlocked from the moment he caught her in the hallway. Normally he took more care in undressing her, but at that moment, getting her naked was the only thing on his mind. He would gladly replace her entire wardrobe to keep this passion afloat. "Oh, Patricia," he moaned into her mouth as he spun them around. He stepped out of his shoes and pulled his shirt over his head in a flash, before his lips and hands grasped her again. Patricia unbuckled his belt and pulled them out of the loops. She flashed him a seductive smile as she ran her hand down his stomach and gripped him through his pants. His mouth parted but no words tumbled out as his dick jerked in her hands. "Are you going to keep me waiting?" she whispered, giving him another squeeze. Simon's mind finally came back online as he pushed his pants and boxers down and grabbed her, forcing her back on the bed, removing any bit of clothing she had left. He laid his body on top of hers, gently kissing her lips. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you too," she said, wrapping her arms around his back. Something about her saying those words to him made him float. Made everything okay, no matter what his troubles were. She loved him. He hardly controlled himself as the tip of his dick pushed through her wet tight entrance. Patricia moaned into his ear as he pushed further and further into her. She alternated between whispering his name and whimpering in pleasure. Her sweet sounds made him harder, they always did. "I missed you. You have no idea how much." Her legs opened wider in response, allowing him to sink even deeper inside her. A tingle rolled down his spine as her muscles constricted around his cock. He wouldn't last long. Not when every fiber of his being wanted to be buried inside of her until neither of them could take it. He rolled his hips against hers and lifted up onto his arms so he could watch her face as it turned from side to side. She was stunning. Absolutely breathtaking. He captured her lips, driving his tongue into her sweet mouth. His hand roamed over her full soft breasts, before his head lowered and seized a hardened nipple. "Simon," she whispered, bucking her hips against his. He pulled on the sensitive bud with his teeth before releasing it to place her right leg over his shoulder. He held the other out to the side as far as he could, while he drove into her mercilessly until she cried aloud. Her upper body rose from the bed for a few seconds before she dropped back down and went lifeless. The sound of their bodies uniting was driving him insane. He was unrelenting as he stared down at her face. Her eyes were closed and her lips were swollen from his kisses. He needed this moment to last longer. Forever. "I want to hear it again," Simon whispered as he stilled within her. She looked up at him. "Here what again, baby?" He was about to tell her when she smiled. She was teasing him and it took everything in him not to slam back into her and end this torture. "You know what." He slowly pulled out, drawing a low moan from her. "Tell me, sweetheart," he begged. She ran her smooth hands down his back, the smile she had been toying with faded. He knew that look. She was serious. "I love you, Simon." He thrust back into her as his heart and dick seemed to swell at the same time. He pressed her into the bed and buried his head into her jasmine scented hair. Seconds later, his body jerked above hers. He gritted his teeth against the powerful surge that erupted from him. "Oh shit, honey," he mumbled, his arms feeling like spaghetti. He rested his body on top of hers. She ran her fingers down his back as their breathing slowed. When he finally had his body under control, he rolled off of her, pulling her on top of him in the exchange. Patricia giggled and leaned her head against his chest. "Talk about afternoon delight." "Amen," he breathed out. Everything would be okay. He could still have his dream. He could still have his wife. Yes, everything could work out. ********** Gabriella "Are you sure you're okay?" Ella asked for the second time during their quiet car ride. Nolan pulled his 4Runner in front of her house. "Yeah." Ella nodded and pulled on the door handle before Nolan spoke up again. "It's just that—well, I don't want to be one of those boyfriends, you know? I don't want to suffocate you or keep you from doing what you want." "Trust me, that will be harder than you think." Nolan laughed. "Yeah. But honestly, I—I just...I don't know." He leaned his head against the steering wheel. "No, tell me," Ella said, placing her hand on his back. Normally she never asked people to explain, but she really did want to know if he was okay. Girlfriend or not, Nolan had been good to her. "Look, it's just that Bryan is my best friend, but I don't feel comfortable with you two talking. I know that makes me an ass, but I can't help how I feel. I wouldn't feel this way if you guys hadn't, well...you know." "Nolan, Bryan is a prick. And I feel sick to my stomach that I ever hooked up with him, but even sadder for you that he's your best friend." He chuckled. "But you can absolutely one hundred percent trust me when it comes to him. And I feel awful to admit this to you, but the only reason I even did it is because his girlfriend is my ex-best friend. That's it." Nolan raised an eyebrow. "So you never found him attractive or anything?" Ella shook her head. "Nope, he's not my type." "A lot of girls like him, though." "I'm sure they do. Girls like Rebecca...yuck." He leaned his head against the headrest and lightly rubbed her ear. "So, who is your type?" His voice was low. "Short guys with sexy red hair and adorable freckles with—" she squealed when he grabbed her sides and pulled her onto his lap. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding." "That's what I thought," he whispered against her neck. "My type of guys are six four with a solid build, dirty blond hair and green eyes. Wow, now that's sexy," she said in an exaggerated girly voice. "That's more like it." He held the back of her head while he attacked her mouth. His teeth clicked against hers before he found a rhythm that worked from the angle she sat in his lap. "Mmm," he moaned, before his lips lowered to her jaw then her neck. "Damn, you taste so good." Ella stared out of the window while Nolan continued to taste her skin. She would try to make that type work. There was no reason it shouldn't. He really was a great guy that most girls would love to be with. She needed someone like him in her life. But had he been two inches shorter with dark brown hair and deep blue eyes that made her heart flip flop, the world would have been perfect. All else could go to hell as long as that type of guy wanted her. But he didn't and life sucked. Ella wasn't in the mood to keep up their make-out session. "I have to go in," she said pulling away from him. He slipped his hand between her legs. "Just another minute." "Dude, we're parked in front of my house." Nolan's hand froze as he lifted his head, his eyes wide as he looked around. "Shit, I forgot." Ella laughed and pulled herself from his lap. "Jeez, woman, see what you do to me?" "Oh, I haven't done anything to you yet," she flirted. She grabbed her bag and hopped out of the car. When his car disappeared down the street, Ella quickly peered into the garage. Simon's bike was still gone. An empty feeling settled in her stomach. Maybe it was for the best that he was avoiding her. But her mother's car was parked in the driveway. She had thought about just leaving again with Nolan to avoid another conversation like they had earlier that day, but she wanted to be alone. Her mother more than likely would give her space. Nolan wouldn't. Everything was quiet when she walked into the house. She glanced around before spotting a belt on the floor. And further down the hallway was another article of clothing. She was about to pick it up when she heard the refrigerator door open. Ella held her breath as she walked into the kitchen. Simon's shirtless torso came into view, as he chugged down a bottle of water. His toned, lean muscles stole her attention until her eyes locked on his. He immediately brought the bottle down from his lips and wiped his mouth. Before either of them could say anything, her mom appeared at the door. "Hey Ella, I didn't know you got home so early." Ella's stomach turned several times as she watched her mom walk towards Simon. She was sporting his oversized gray shirt with Giants scrolled across the front in red and blue with her hair tussled about. Her legs and feet were bare as she stood on her tiptoes and gave him a peck on the lips, before stealing his water and finishing it off. Ella quickly looked away to focus on anything but what was happening. She'd already seen too much and knew what it meant. "I should put on a shirt," he mumbled. He walked past her and out of the kitchen. Ella's senses whirled as his scent passed through her nose, sending goose bumps over her arms and legs. "I think everything is going to be okay," her mom whispered, smiling brightly at her. Ella felt the bile rising in her throat. "Did Nolan drop you off? I'd really like to meet him," she said while she turned on the coffee machine. Ella's voice had left her. She turned and walked down the hallway, praying she wouldn't hyperventilate before she reached her room. She leaned against her door and closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry. It's pointless. She chanted the words over and over in her mind. *** Ella took all her mixed up thoughts and feelings straight to Nolan's bedroom, fueling hours of aggressive sex. "Oh, God, no. I can't again right now, Gabriella. I need—I need a moment," he breathed out, while he pushed her hand from his thigh. She straddled him and rocked her body over him. His expression was pained. "Gabriella, please," he moaned, closing his eyes. She ignored his pleas. His hands stilled her waist. "Wait, wait, seriously, I need to talk to you first." "Later." "No, not later." She scoffed. "You have a naked girl riding your dick and you want to stop so we can talk?" "I know, it's so gay. But I really want to talk to you." "Why now?" His hair clung to his temples. "Because when we're together, we're usually having sex and when we're done, you're ready to go home. So this is my only chance." Ella couldn't dispute it, so she sighed. "Okay. So what do you want to talk about?" He ran his hands up her sides. "Well, how are you?" "I'm fine. I'd be even better if you would shut up and nail me again." Her body shook when Nolan belted out a laugh. "You are so crazy, you know that?" She smiled. "Okay. Well, I guess I want to ask...what does being my girlfriend mean to you?" She scowled. "Are you serious?" He nodded. "I don't know. Maybe it means exactly what it says...I'm your girlfriend." "Yeah, but what does that mean?" Ella shrugged. "Okay, I'll start. For me, being your boyfriend means that this could potentially be a really serious relationship." Ella waited to see where he was going. "And...it means we're exclusive." She figured as much, but things were becoming too serious, too fast. She had only accepted his offer last night and already it was as if they were engaged. "Okay," she managed to say. "I mean, is that what you think?" She shrugged again. "Yeah, I guess. Look, I just want to take this slow. I'm not really used to dating someone, so I don't want to rush into anything." Nolan nodded. "Okay." An uncomfortable silence settled over them. It was awkward to be straddling Nolan, neither of them a stitch of clothing on and nothing to say. Why did he have to go and ruin the moment? "But we are exclusive with each other, right? I mean, I'm the only guy you're with, right?" Ella nodded. "Okay, cool." Another uneasy silence passed between them. He avoided her eyes when he asked, "Was I the only guy when you and I started hanging out?" She braced her arms against his chest. "Nolan, can we drop this?" "I wasn't, was I?" he asked, a small smile toying with his lips. A smile that didn't quite reach his green eyes. "Who was he?" She leaned down to nip his neck. "No one." They were treading over forbidden territory. She needed to distract him again. Something that was very easy with Nolan. With Simon, not so much. He would let her continue whatever it was she was doing to him, and then when she least expected it, he would bring it back up. "No, seriously, who was he?" he asked with a hint of irritation in his voice. Ella sat up. "Look, you and I weren't dating, so why does it matter." "Just tell me who." "Why?" "I'll tell you the last girl I was with." "I don't want to know." Nolan's eyes narrowed. "It wasn't Bryan, was it?" Ella rolled her eyes. "No. I already told you everything about him." "Well, then what's wrong with telling me." "Because you're making a big deal about it." "No, I'm not. You're making it a big deal by being so secretive." "I'm not being secretive, it's just none of your business." He tucked his hands behind his head. "Fine." "Fine," she repeated as she eased off his lap and lay down beside him. She pulled the sheets above her breasts. "Can you at least tell me the last time you were with this other guy?" Ella silently cursed as she rolled over and retrieved her cigarettes from her handbag. "Mind if I smoke?" "I don't mind." She leaned against the headboard and quickly lit it. She took a short drag. "Last night." He shifted in the bed. "Last night—but...holy shit!" He pushed the covers off and stood up. "Oh my God, I'm so fucking stupid." Ella blew out smoke. "Nolan, I—" "You were with him when you called me, weren't you?" He looked at her, hurt in his eyes. "You asked me to call you while you were with him?" He turned away. "I'm gonna be sick." "Nolan—" "I'm so stupid," he said, combing his hair back with his hand. His face reddened while he paced. Ella crawled on her knees to the edge of the bed. She dropped her cigarette in a cup of water. "Nolan, you're not stupid." He wouldn't look at her. He kept shaking his head and mumbling under his breath. "He doesn't matter anymore. It's over and it should have been a long time ago." He placed his hands on top of his head and blew. "I guess I just assumed that you were only seeing me. I mean, we spent so much time together, I don't see when you could have been with anyone else." He was fishing for more answers. But the more she said, the more it would hurt him. "Well, I'm with you now, so don't worry about any of that stuff." "Only me?" he questioned, lifting a brow. "Only you," she said, crooking her index finger. Even though he took a slow step toward her, his face still held hurt and traces of anger. But when she grasped his cock in her hand, his eyes glazed over before they closed. She would make them both forget. ********** Simon "We should have a date night tonight," Simon said, kissing the back of Patricia's neck. For almost a week, Gabriella had been a ghost in the house. She would leave before he got up and come home after he went to bed. And for the first time ever, he was thankful for it no matter how much Nolan annoyed him. With the time alone, he felt like he was on his second honeymoon. He and Patricia were inseparable and their marriage began to resemble what it had before he started the affair. They held deep conversations over dinner, she laughed at his jokes and they made love late into the evening. It was everything he could have hoped for in the aftermath of his betrayal. So he tried desperately to block out the empty chair at the dinner table or the darkness that flooded Gabriella's room. He was slowly cutting the invisible strings that held him captive for a year. He was getting his life back. His wife back. He feared he wouldn't get a second chance. "Ooh, that sounds like a good idea." Patricia finished stirring her latte and turned to him. "Where do you want to go?" "Why don't we stay right here? I'll go grab a pizza and some sappy chick flicks and we can camp out in front of the TV and grope each other until we can't take it anymore." She laughed. "That sounds like a plan. Or are you just trying to take the cheap route out?" "No, I'm trying to take the don't semi-rape-your-beautiful-wife-in-public route." She yelped when he squeezed her bottom but rewarded him with a kiss. He went to move away, but she held him in place. "Mmm, baby," he whispered against her lips. "If you don't stop, I might not make it to get any food." "I don't mind starving," she whispered. Simon lifted her onto the counter and unbuttoned her slacks. He slid his hand inside her pants and rubbed her hot sex over her flimsy silk panties. "You're asking for it again," he growled into her mouth. "I sure am." "Mmm," he said removing his lips from hers and his hand from her pants. "Okay, I'm getting out of here before I get trapped." She swatted his butt when he turned to walk out. He grinned from ear to ear in the car, blasting Bob Marley from his stereo. Everything's gonna be alright, his idol sang, as he hummed along. *** Simon sat in the driveway staring at the back of a black SUV. Nolan's black SUV. His joyful mood grew darker by the second. A childish thought such as keying somebody's car had never crossed Simon's mind before...until now. He glanced at the cardboard pizza box sitting in the passenger seat. Tonight was supposed to be about him and Patricia. He had barely run into Gabriella in over a week and now he'd have to put up with the two of them. Together. No doubt they would be locked in her room doing everything under the sun. Everything she had done with him. Gabriella Ch. 06 He quickly shook the thought. It didn't matter. And for once if they were inside hooking up, far be it for him to stop them. He and Patricia could continue on about their night. He tucked the DVD under his arm and grabbed the pizza. Simon took a deep breath before he walked through the door. He stopped in his tracks when he saw them. Ella was sitting in Nolan's lap with her head resting against his shoulder. She didn't bother to acknowledge him. "Hey, Professor Graham," Nolan said. "Hey." Simon shook off his jacket and walked to the kitchen. Patricia was kneeling by the stove, pulling different pans out. He tossed the pizza on the table. "What are they doing here?" She stood and brushed her knees off. "Well, last I checked, Ella lived here," she said with a smile. "Okay. But tonight was supposed to be our date night." "Look, you were the one always complaining that the three of us didn't spend enough time together." "Yeah, but there's not three, there's four." Patricia glanced toward the living room and placed a finger to her lips. "Shh, they might hear you. And personally, I'm glad I finally get to meet a guy that my daughter is seeing. At least she's here with us and safe. Right?" She was right. But it still didn't lessen his sour mood. Simon nodded and leaned against the counter. "We don't have enough pizza," he pouted in a last chance plea. "I know, that's why I popped some frozen corndogs and mini quiche into the oven." Simon snorted. "Great. Quiche goes well with pepperoni pizza." "Someone's grumpy," Patricia said, flashing him another grin. Simon ignored her comment. He grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. "Need any help?" "No, I'm good. Why don't you go talk to them?" "Because I'd rather stay in here." Patricia placed her hands on her hips. "Why don't you like him?" "I do like him. I just don't think he's right for Gabriella." Patricia reached up and caressed his collar. "He's the reason they're even here. He wanted to meet me and introduced himself, which is more than any other boy has done. Besides, he seems nice and respectful." She wrapped her arms around him. "Although I do appreciate you being the overprotective father—" "Oh God, that's not what I'm doing, Patricia," he said, pulling away from her. He hated hearing that word when associated with Gabriella. "Well whatever the reason, I do appreciate it." Simon picked a pepperoni off the pizza. "Oh, and don't tell her I told you, but they are dating," Patricia whispered. "Yeah, I know," Simon muttered. "She told you already?" she asked, pulling down plates and cups. She was trying to hide the hurt in her question, but he could hear it. "She just mentioned it in passing." "Oh, okay." Simon pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. "I'll go keep them company. But don't take too long. I don't know how long I can take college lovebirds. Gross." Patricia laughed and pushed him through the door. He found Nolan whispering in Gabriella's ear. She smiled and kissed him, once more ignoring Simon's presence. He plopped down on the coach perpendicular to the two thorns in his side. Nolan looked up and smiled at him. "Sure smells good in there." "Yep. My wife knows how to thaw frozen foods," he replied sarcastically. Nolan nodded, while Gabriella shot him an evil look. She turned from him and ran her hand up Nolan's chest, over his shoulder and behind his neck...much like she had done him in the past but now there was a manipulative quality about it all. He looked away from the familiar gesture and grabbed the remote control. "Baby, he's right there," he heard Nolan whisper. From his peripherals he made out Nolan struggling to keep Gabriella's hands to herself. "So," she said. "So can you stop?" Nolan gave a low chuckle while Simon held the up button on the volume. Simon gave a sigh of relief when Patricia finally entered. She placed the pizza and the plate of warmed up delicacies on the table. "Bon appétit," she said, passing out paper plates and napkins. "Thanks for letting me stay for dinner, missus...Patricia. I really appreciate it." "Of course. It was nice to finally meet you," Patricia said. "You too," Nolan mumbled, his mouth already full as he loaded three slices of an eight slice pizza onto his plate. Simon dropped the Bridget Jones's Diary DVD into the player. It was one of Patricia's favorite movies, one that she often quoted. As the opening credits rolled for the umpteenth time, he marveled at the things a man did for love. Gabriella turned off the lights then settled beside Nolan. She whispered something in his ear and he started choking. She patted his back and laughed. "What's so funny?" Patricia asked, smiling hard at the two lovebirds. "Oh, nothing Mrs. Gr—Patricia. I was just choking," Nolan covered. Simon read the credits as each name appeared on the screen. Anything to pull his mind from his own memories of what Gabriella had whispered in his ear. Things that would make most blush. Places she wanted him to put his hands, his mouth...his dick. The way she would give him free reign to do whatever he wanted and begged him to do whatever... Was she doing the same things with Nolan? Simon glanced over at them. Yes. His face flushed the more he thought of it. He had almost ruined his marriage to Patricia and the chance for her to mend their relationship with Gabriella, for what? His appetite dwindled and his head spun. He scooted closer to Patricia and wrapped his arms around her. She smiled up at him while she nibbled on the crust of her slice. From his vantage point on the couch, he felt like a voyeur, especially now that the room was cast in a bluish glow. He let his eyes wander freely to Gabriella, not because he wanted anything from her, but just to convince himself she was happy. He sank further down into the couch, Patricia's head resting underneath his arm and against his chest. Neither Nolan nor Gabriella seemed to be paying him any attention. Nolan stared at the screen, laughing at Bridget's ridiculous behavior. But Gabriella seemed less interested in the film. She cuddled against Nolan but a moment later, she turned toward him, their eyes locking. He wanted to look away, but he refused to break the bond first. She held his stare, until Nolan laughed again. Simon cracked his neck from side to side and stretched out his legs. A few months ago he couldn't have imagined that he would be sitting in his living room with Patricia, Gabriella and her boyfriend. The concept seemed so foreign, yet here they were. His eyes left the screen, and once more, he found Gabriella staring at him. His chest tightened. No more. She could stare all she wanted. He leaned into Patricia and returned his attention to watching the movie... with his wife, the woman who would be his priority from now on. When the movie reached the scene where Bridget strutted into a party dressed as a Playboy bunny, Gabriella stood up and went to the kitchen. She returned carrying a can of Coke in one hand and a glass containing the same. It wasn't long before she started giggling mischievously as she and Nolan shared a private joke. "They're so cute, aren't they?" Patricia's question had startled him. How long had she been watching him? "What? Oh, well, I guess." Simon turned his attention back to the movie. It was halfway through. He laughed at some random scene in the movie, and all three of them looked at him. He suddenly felt delirious. He kissed the top of Patricia's head. "I think I'm going to turn in." "You okay?" she asked, her eyes searching his. "Yeah, I'm just tired. You wore me out," he teased. She grinned. "Okay, well, I'll be there in a little while. Love you." "Love you too," he said, pecking her lips before he stood. He didn't look in Gabriella's direction. "Goodnight Professor Graham!" Nolan shouted after him. "Yep. See you Tuesday Nolan." Thank God for the weekend. "Oh, I think I'll be here for dinner on Sunday. Patricia invited me." Mother fucker. Simon didn't acknowledge that last comment as he made his way to the bedroom. He fell back on the bed and rested his elbow over his eyes. One day at a time and he'd get through this. His relationship with Patricia was improving and he would continue to work at it, proving to her that he could be the husband she thought he was. The husband he wanted to be. As the movie played on in the living room, he imagined Patricia mouthing the lines under her breath. "Wait a minute. Nice boys don't kiss like that," he mimicked. It was ridiculous that he knew the lines as well. Moments later, he heard their voices through the door, muffled, but definitely elevated. He sat straight up in bed and strained to listen. He sat a second longer before he heard Nolan's deep booming voice. What the hell? Simon rushed out of the bedroom and found Patricia and Gabriella in a standoff position. "What's going on?" he asked looking back and forth between the two, as he approached Patricia's side. Gabriella rolled her eyes. "Nothing." "Simon, she's been drinking. She had whiskey in her Coke!" Patricia explained with her arms folded. "So?" Gabriella announced, all nonchalant. "It's none of your business what I do. I don't tell you what to do, so you can't tell me what to do." "It doesn't work that way, Ella. I'm your mother." Simon was ready to cut in, but for the first time in memory, Patricia didn't throw her hands in the air and step back, ready for him to do battle on her behalf. So instead, he kept quiet. "Nolan, you ever notice how people throw that term around so loosely? I'm your mother. I'm your father," Gabriella mocked, before snorting. "Like it actually means something." "Ella, don't." Nolan touched her shoulder, but she pushed him away. His eyes seemed unsure as he looked to Simon for help. "Don't, what?" Simon folded his arms across his chest and squared off with Gabriella. He could quickly diffuse the situation. Gabriella would listen to him. Well, maybe. Inebriation made it hard to listen to anyone. "He means don't make a scene, which is exactly what you're doing now." She turned her gaze to him. "Simon, with all due respect, go to hell." "Nolan, I think you should go home." "I'm sorry, Nolan but it's for the best," Patricia added, sounding embarrassed and upset. Nolan hesitated then looked to Gabriella. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Hope you feel better." Once he left, Gabriella became increasingly belligerent, hurling spiteful words at Simon. "Clever girl, I'm sure you have more of those. You need to go to your room or go outside and get some fresh air. Your pick." "You gonna make me?" she asked, stepping so close the scent of alcohol took his breath. But Simon refused to back up or be intimated by her. Her eyes taunted him. "Or maybe you'd rather spank me?" "Ella!" Patricia yelled. "Don't you dare talk to him like that!" Gabriella rolled her head in Patricia's direction. "Well, he was definitely spanking someone other than you." Simon's mouth dropped, but before any words tumbled out, Patricia's palm smashed across Gabriella's face. The slap was loud even in the open space. Simon stared at Gabriella's face in disbelief. Her hair blocked her eyes until she twisted her head to face Patricia and him again. Her caramel cheek was now tinted scarlet. What just happened? His brain could not process any of this. Perhaps Gabriella's couldn't either, because it took her a minute to react. But Simon read the expression in her face, before her body caught up. He rushed in front of Patricia. "You bitch! Don't you ever fucking—" Gabriella got out before he lifted her in a bear hug and dragged her to the front door, hoping to avoid any more irrevocable damage. She kicked and screamed as he slammed it behind him. The fall air was brutal. Wind whipped around them, making her hair flutter around his face. "Have you lost your fucking mind?" he asked as he deposited her roughly against the banisters. "She hit me!" she cried hoarsely. Simon knew what that was like. He and his mom felt the brunt of his father's fist more than once. But Patricia hadn't gone that far. She simply did something that many would have done years ago. Wrong or not, Gabriella could get under your skin by finding the chink in the toughest armor. "And you're going to say you didn't deserve that?" "She hits me and I'm the one you throw out? How is that fair?" "Calm down." "No! Fuck her—and you!" she shouted, pushing her hair from her face. "You don't mean that." "Yes, I do. I hate her!" she screamed at the door. Simon grabbed her arm and pulled her back in front of him. "You get wasted, insult us and expect pity?" "I don't need anything from her. I don't want anything from her," she said, tremors in her voice. He couldn't move because of the hurt and despair in her darkened hazel eyes. "That's not true. And that hurts the most, doesn't it?" She choked back tears and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his chest. Her body shook as she sobbed. Simon gently peeled her arms away and pushed her back a foot. "You need to sleep it off, Gabriella. You'll feel better tomorrow." She shook her head. "No, I won't. You don't understand," she sobbed and mumbled. "What?" Simon asked, walking closer to her. She shook her head and whispered, "Nothing." But he was sure he heard her mumble something about love. He wished they were alone so he could console her. He wished he could erase the man she had built wild fantasies around and be the friend she trusted when he told her she would heal from this. "Gabriella..." "I was such a fool for thinking you loved me. That we could—" She straightened her shoulders and turned away from him. "So fucking tired of being stupid." Simon swallowed hard. "I wish I could take back everything." She sniffed. "Yeah, well it's too late." He rubbed his hand across his forehead about to tell Gabriella how sorry he was for hurting her. But the reality was he had crossed the line that made comforting her inappropriate. Gabriella walked down the steps and onto the driveway, her thin gray halter dress flapping in the wind. "Gabriella," Simon called out to her, trying not to wake the neighbors. "Gabriella, get back here!" She continued down the street. "Fuck." Simon turned to find Patricia standing at the door. "Where's she going?" Simon shook his head. "Let me get my keys. I'll bring her back." "I'll go with you." When they pulled up beside her, Gabriella kept on taking long strides while her hand rubbed up and down over her arm. She refused to look at them. Her phone was attached to her ear...no doubt with Nolan on the other end. Icy air gushed into the car through the window Patricia had down. "Ella, you're going to freeze if you don't get in the car," Patricia said. "Like you care." "We do care, that's why we're out here." "Leave me alone!" Simon had had enough. He leaned over Patricia. "You're drunk, barely dressed and walking down the—" Patricia placed her hand on his arm. "Simon, please, let me handle this." He let out a frustrated breath, leaned his head back and kept his eyes on the road. This charade could have ended minutes ago because he would have placed Gabriella in the car...with or without her consent. "Ella, please, get in the car," Patricia said. "This is childish. Look, I'm sorry that I hurt you. But you hurt me too! And you did it on purpose." Simon kept the car rolling down the street in sync with Gabriella's pace. The wind whipped around the windows, creating a shrill sound. "Stop the car." Patricia rushed to Gabriella's side and gripped her hand. Gabriella tried to pull away from her, but Patricia pulled her tighter and grabbed her arms. He hated seeing them like this. His carelessness and lack in judgment was the reason the three of them were feuding in the middle of the street on the coldest night in months. Almost a year ago to the date, he had followed Gabriella to her room for the first time. And that night he destroyed both of their trust, even if neither realized it at the time. Now it was something he could never fully get back. Had he just kept it together, their lives would be different. Simon studied their movements, trying to make out their words while Patricia had her back towards him and Gabriella spoke. She ripped her arms free and pulled several strands of hair from her face. She said something else and then walked away. But Patricia didn't follow her. Instead, she looked at him, her face full of questions. An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach. "What's wrong? What did she say?" he asked when she got in the car. She faced the windshield, her expression blank the whole time. "I asked what was wrong with her and she said to ask you." Simon's throat dried as his gut twisted. Patricia turned to him. "What's going on?" * Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed. I'll try like hell to get chapter 7 out much faster. A big 'thank you' to Kaia...my muse:-) Don't know what I would do w/o you. And another big 'thank you' to August, who polishes my words and keeps pushing me to be a stronger writer. You two ladies are amazing! Gabriella Ch. 07 Patricia "What is she talking about?" Patricia asked. She waited for an answer as Simon threw the car in gear. The veins in his arms bulged and he was gripping the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles had drained of color. But it was his silence and the deliberate way he kept his eyes averted that had her stomach in knots. "Simon, what is she talking about?" When they rolled up beside Ella, he still hadn't given her an answer. Her daughter continued to walk, albeit stagger down the street. Patricia looked away from the troubling scene. "Simon, what did—" "Can I please focus on getting her back into the car?" he snapped. Patricia turned to the window, surprised that he had taken that tone with her. But she remained quiet. He sighed heavily before he jerked the car to a halt and rushed out. The headlights lit up the path to Ella as Simon quickly approached her. Patricia couldn't hear what was being said, but Simon pointed back to the car. Ella walked off but Simon grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She swung her free hand at Simon's face. Patricia gasped with shock as he caught Ella's wrist in time and turned their bodies so his back faced the car and Ella was no longer visible. Their body language filled Patricia with a strange sense of déjà vu as the scene played in front of her. She'd witnessed this heated standoff before when her parents fought. She climbed out the car. Her breath made clouds in the night air. With every step she took towards them, she wondered what she could do to diffuse the situation. Standing around and doing nothing didn't seem like an option this time, especially after everything that had happened tonight. She made out Ella's heels in the space between Simon's feet but before she got any closer, he turned away and was walking back. "Is she okay?" Patricia asked as he passed her. "Yeah." He got in the car and slammed the door. Patricia waited while her daughter stood in the distance. Ella wiped a hand over her eyes before she approached the car. When she passed Patricia, she didn't look at her. Instead, she got into the car without another word. A few words from Simon and everything was okay again. Patricia tried to feel grateful but she couldn't, not when Ella made it crystal clear that she gave Simon a different level of respect than she did her own mother. The short ride back was quiet as a million thoughts swirled through Patricia's head. Ella lay balled up in the backseat with her eyes closed and head leaning against the window. For a moment, she resembled her twelve-year-old-self on the way to school. But that image dissolved when they pulled into the driveway and Ella stumbled out of the car. She fell to her knees, grabbing handfuls of grass while she vomited. "Goddamn it," Simon mumbled, jerking off his seatbelt. He turned to Patricia. "I'm sorry." Patricia hurried to Ella's side and pulled her hair back. Simon knelt down on the grass and rubbed her back. She groaned as her body swayed and fell against him. She mumbled something before Simon hoisted her into his arms like a rag doll. Patricia opened the door and once inside, Simon moved down the hallway, Ella's hair dangling over the side of his arm. Neither said a word as he pushed her door open and disappeared through. Patricia waited by the door, feeling more and more like a stranger in her own home. When Simon emerged, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. "I'm going to take a quick shower before bed, okay?" She nodded into his chest before he released her. Patricia sat on their bed and listened to the water run. She replayed the last two hours, trying to make sense of it all. Something was missing. Ella seemed fine before the movie. What happened? Why did she do these things? Simon came out of the bathroom and quickly pulled on his boxers before he sat down on the edge of the bed. "Why do I feel like I don't know what just happened?" Everything seemed like a distorted version of reality. Even the way they faced away from each other like distant bookends felt odd. He sighed. "You were there, Patricia. You know what happened." She stared at his back. "But why was she so upset? Did you two have a fight that I don't know about?" "Is there ever a time we're not fighting?" Patricia massaged her temples. "I know. But she was upset about something specific." He rubbed the back of his neck. "A week ago we had a big blow up. She's been pissed at me ever since." "About what?" "Everything." "Are you purposely being as vague as possible with me?" "No," he answered as he lay back. "But I'm tired and need to get to sleep. I was in the bed before this whole thing started tonight, remember?" "I just feel like I don't have any control over anything. I don't know why my daughter decided to get drunk tonight. I don't know why she's mad at you and no one will give me a straight answer." "Patricia, honey, it's two in the morning. I'm worn out. Gabriella and I fight every other day. You know that." "I know, but I've never seen her lose control like that. It scared me." Simon reached for her hand. "I know honey and I'm sorry. But this isn't anything new for me." "And see, that's what makes me feel this big," she said, indicating a small amount with her fingers. She rested her head on his chest. "I feel like things are getting worse, when they should be getting better." She looked at him. "They were for a while, weren't they?" Simon paused a moment before answering. "I guess." He turned off the lamp. The sudden quiet was a stark contrast from the ruckus earlier that night. But in Patricia's mind the fight hadn't ended. "Simon, what did you two argue about a week ago?" "Patricia, can we please go to sleep?" "No." "I don't remember. They all blend together after a while." Patricia lifted her head and stared down at him, her eyes already adjusting to the darkness and shadows. "Last time I saw her that mad at you was when you called her a slut." "Patri—I never—" He closed his eyes and his nose flared. She wasn't used to seeing him so irritated, but when he opened them again, he spoke calmly. "I didn't call her a slut. I said she was dressed like one." "True. But maybe you shouldn't have used that word at all." He exhaled and placed his arm over his face. "You're right, I shouldn't have said it, but I've already apologized to her for that." "I know." He rolled over on his side to end the conversation. Patricia thought back on that night, wishing she had spoken up. Ella's usual poker face had shifted, revealing how hurt she was by his words. "Fuck you!" she had yelled back at him before slamming her door and ending the battle started by her risqué attire. But Simon won the war by taking her door off the hinges for a week for her slamming it one time too many in his face. Patricia was always stuck in the middle of this constant push and pull between her husband and daughter. Both refused to give an inch while she watched on helplessly. If she sided with Simon, then Ella accused them of ganging up on her. If she sided with Ella, then Simon would say, "That's why Gabriella is the way she is." She was always left trapped in a lose-lose situation no matter what. When they married, Patricia questioned whether to turn over full disciplinary reigns to Simon. She didn't want to be one of those mothers who let anyone punish their child, but she was usually too worn down from work by the time she got home to deal with any more problems. And because she had never taken an authoritative stance before, Ella hardly paid her any attention when she did try to enforce rules. So she let Simon take over and at first, it seemed to work. Ella stopped skipping class and graduated from high school and even entered college, which was a subject they had never broached before. For the most part, things ran smoother after Simon arrived. Even with the frequent blow-ups, she had noticed progress in Ella's behavior. Until tonight. And witnessing up close and personal how out of hand things could get, Patricia suspected that the problems between her husband and daughter ran much deeper than she ever imagined. She needed to hear Ella's side. ********** Gabriella Ella pried her eyes open to shield them from the sunlight beaming through her window. Her tongue felt like sandpaper while her limbs refused to cooperate as if they were tied down with weights. "Fuck," she groaned, after sitting up too fast. Colorful spots danced before her eyes, along with a searing pain at the back of her head. She was still in last night's clothes, but couldn't remember how she had gotten into bed. Then panic set in. Her mother slapped her. What had she said? She quickly stood and wobbled before sitting back down. She squeezed her eyes shut and gained her balance again. Ella leaned against the cool tile in the shower and blasted the hottest temperature her body could tolerate. She tried to remember last night, but everything came in bits and pieces. Drinking had never been her drug of choice and now she remembered why. There was rarely an upside to the morning after. In the hallway, she had yet to hear anyone stir. She looked at their door, her constant reminder of the barrier Simon put up. With warning pushed aside, she gripped the door knob right before it flew from her grasp. Simon stared down at her with a confused expression. But his eyes grew dark as he quickly stepped through and shut the door behind him. The hallway seemed to shrink as she kept her eyes focused on his, until his burning gaze forced her to look away. He made his way towards the kitchen, leaving a light trail of fresh soap behind. It held her frozen in place until the familiar lingering scent of their past mornings together faded. Ella exhaled and followed him. Simon pulled a mug from the cabinet and prepared the coffee machine with sluggish movements. While it brewed, he leaned against the counter facing away from her. He rested on his elbows and pushed his hands through his hair. He sported his usual weekend lounging clothes, a short sleeve tee over a long sleeve shirt, athletic pants and sneakers. He looked more like a frat boy than married professor. "Simon?" He didn't answer. She moved from the wall to the table. "Are you playing football today?" she asked, although she knew the answer. He met up with Steven, Pete, Tek and a few other friends at Langley Field for a game every other Saturday. It had been their tradition for years. But he acted as though she didn't exist as he poured his coffee. "Can we talk?" He passed by her on his way to the living room. She reached for his arm, but before she could say another word he had backed her into a wall. "Simon, wha—" "Don't fuck with me today. Not after what you pulled last night." His mouth remained in a hard line while his eyes searched hers. She'd seen anger and desire, laughter and intelligence in those blue eyes. Now she saw nothing but coldness. Ella swallowed. "I—I was—" "I'm talking now. You've done plenty of talking already, so now you hear me out. I know what you're trying to do. She finds out about you, she'll divorce me, right? But what you fail to realize is, even if that's the case—" "This isn't about her or—" "I'm not finished!" he said in a cool menacing voice. "Even if that's the case, we still won't be together. Do you fucking understand that? That I'm not going to be your boyfriend or husband or whoever you've pictured me as in your life." Ella wrenched her arm from his grasp. "I know that!" "Then that's all we need to talk about." He turned away from her and sat down on the couch. Ella remained against the wall, unsure of what to say or do. She wanted to apologize, but in this mood, that was the last thing he wanted. No apology, reason or excuse would help. He just wanted to be left alone. Or at least for her to leave him alone. "Fine," she said softly before heading back to her room. ********** Simon "Shit," Simon muttered to himself when he pulled into the park parking lot at Langley Field. Steven was leaning against Tek's truck. Simon hadn't spoken to him since the night of their altercation and his mind was too unfocused to deal with it now. The effects of last night had followed him all day. And now Patricia was asking more questions. Questions he couldn't answer without throwing all of their lives in upheaval. He hated himself for being so cruel to Gabriella, but with her, there was no middle ground. She only dealt in extremes and would think there was a chance for them if he tried the diplomatic route with her. Steven smiled and tapped on the window. "Hey, wasn't sure if you were coming." "Always do," Simon said as he grabbed his bag. "Cool. Wouldn't be the same without you." Tek zipped up his jacket. "Too cold for football. Gonna play basketball inside instead." "You'd make a shitty Green Bay fan," Pete said. "Don't like them anyway," Tek answered. He was the skinniest of them all and usually the first to complain about the weather. Pete and Tek teamed up, leaving him with Steven. But it was expected. He and Steven had always paired up, dating back to college. The combination of his smart plays and Steven's shit talking usually landed them the benefit of a win. As they played, Simon pushed his worries to the back of his mind. He just wanted to wear himself out until his brain was mush and last night was far from his thoughts. But by the eighth straight game, Pete had to sit out. "I ca—can't," he panted. "Getting too old for this shit." "You just need more exercise," Steven chimed in, gulping down water. "Please, when was the last time you hit a gym?" Steven smirked. "I have plenty of night time activities that keep me in shape." "Oh, yeah. How much do hookers cost nowadays?" Pete said with a laugh. "Less than your wife." "Ooh," Tek inserted, the ever-present instigator. Pete glared at Steven. "You know one of these days, you're going to say the wrong thing about Liz and I'm gonna kick your ass." Steven sipped his water. "And how long have you been threatening that?" He turned his attention to Simon. "You're quiet today. Everything okay?" Simon plopped down on the bleachers. "Long night." "A good long night or a bad long night?" Pete asked. "No comment." Steven stared at him a moment longer before turning to Tek. "Guess who I saw the other day?" "Who?" Tek asked, tossing the ball around his waist. "Angie." He nodded. "Cool. How was she?" "Healthy as always," Steven said, causing Pete to choke and spray water onto Simon. "Fuck man," Simon mumbled, wiping it off. "Oh, there you go," Tek said, resting the ball at his hip. "Angie was a really sweet girl. And beautiful." "I'm sure she was," Steven admitted, smiling over the rim of his bottled water. It was always the same argument. Angie was an attractive woman, albeit much heavier than Tek, which had been the source of debate years ago. "Whatever. And she wasn't that big." Steven's eyebrows rose. "Compared to what?" Pete chuckled, while Simon squeezed his lips together. He hated laughing at such a touchy subject for Tek. Angie had been the first girl he had ever thought about marrying. "Compared to a lot of people," Tek said. "Okay, because I thought you were going to say compared to you and that would be a big understatement." "She wasn't that big. She was curvy." Steven shook his head. "No, fuck that PC shit. She wasn't curvy, she was fat man, just admit it. And you like fat chicks. There's nothing wrong with that." Simon bit down on his bottom lip to keep from laughing. Steven knew how to push every button any of them had, but it was always funny to watch as long as it wasn't his buttons. Tek stood and threw the ball at Steven. "At least she had an actual body. Not like those plastic stick figures you bring home. Looks like they'll break if you do them doggy-style. Biggest thing on them are their fake tits, which by the way, I just don't get the attraction." Steven shrugged. "You wouldn't, because you like fat chicks." Simon couldn't hold it in any longer as he pulled his shirt over his face to stifle the laughter. "Fuck you," Tek said. Steven grinned. "I'm just messing with you man. My dream girl was actually a plus sized model." Tek scoffed. "It's true! Simon, tell him. If I were stranded on a deserted island and could only have one chick to bang for the rest of my life, who would it be?" Simon had heard more than enough graphic details about Christina Hendricks to last him a lifetime. "That curvy redheaded chick from Mad Men." "Fuck, that girl is hot. Now that's how women used to be made," Pete added. "Amen. I swear I would marry her tomorrow and be a one woman man for the rest of my days," Steven said. They all nodded in agreement. After two more games and countless jokes from Steven, they decided to call it quits. Simon watched Tek and Pete shit talk each other to their cars, well aware of the fact that he had been left alone with Steven. "So...long night. What happened?" Simon shook his head. "Nothing. I'm taking off." "Wait, wait, wait," Steven said, pressing his hand down on Simon's shoulder. Simon sighed and sat back down. "We're best friends, right?" Steven asked. "Yeah." "So, if we were stranded on a deserted island, we'd kill Tek and Pete and eat them first, right?" Simon chuckled. "Yeah. And what is it with you and islands?" "I don't know, probably has something to do with emotional trauma from years of bachelorhood. But never mind my problems, what's going on? You know you can tell me anything." "I don't really want to talk about it." "Maybe I can help." Simon stood and slung his bag over his shoulder. "It's cool man. Not a big deal." He walked toward the door when he heard Steven speak. "You must be freaking over your relationship with Ella." He stopped in his tracks as the hairs on his arms rose from the mention of her name. He slowly turned. "What?" Steven stood and tossed his bottle into the trash. "Like I said a while back...Ella seems like a handful." His stomach churned. "Did she say—" "Nope, no one told me," Steven said as he shook his head. "But when she followed you to my place, I kinda thought that was weird. I mean, I thought she was going to jump your bones in front of all of us. Plus, your fist in my face didn't help." Simon dropped his bag to the floor. "Fuck. Do Pete and Tek know?" "Nah, I don't think so. Too wrapped up in their own shit. But you know my senses are heightened the more I drink, so it's hard to get things past me." Simon sat down on the bleachers and placed his head in his hands. Steven wouldn't blab, but he wasn't sure how he felt about him knowing the truth. "So, is it just a little innocent crush or has the bomb detonated?" Simon leaned back. "Fucking Nagasaki and Hiroshima." "Wow. How long?" "A year." After a rare moment of speechlessness, Steven asked, "And who came on to whom?" Simon rolled his eyes. Steven threw up his hands and laughed. "I know, I know, dumb question. But I'm assuming since your dick is still attached, that Patricia doesn't know." He shook his head and exhaled. "She knows about the affair, but she doesn't know who it is." Steven rolled the ball back and forth under his foot. "So, is it just sex, or is there something more?" "Nothing more." "You sure?" "Yeah, I'm sure!" "Okay, sheesh, calm down. Just checking." "Sorry man. I'm just wound really tight these days. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to do." "Well for starters, you can stop fucking her." Gabriella Ch. 07 "Wow, I can't believe I didn't think of that on my own." "Genius, I know. But I think your problem is easier to fix than you think," Steven said. "How so?" "You told me a while ago that you spend more time with Ella than you get to with Patricia, right?" "Yeah." "So then just keep your distance." "Don't you think I've tried that? I work on my bike, I hang out with you guys, hell, I even go to the movies by myself just to stay out of the house. But I keep fucking up. That girl drives me crazy and not in a good way." Steven kicked the ball down the court. "I can only imagine." "In the beginning, I didn't mind spending so much time with her. She was getting into a lot of trouble at school, and like an idiot, I thought I could be a positive influence." "Makes sense. Keep an eye on her so she isn't doing anything bad." "Exactly." "Only she started doing you." Simon stood. "I knew you wouldn't take this seriously." "Yeah, I am. But look on the bright side. They write porn scripts based off your problem." "This shit isn't funny, Steven. Maybe you see the silver lining, but Gabriella is hurting herself on a daily basis. Patricia blames herself for everything, meanwhile it's my fault but I can't say shit without destroying the almost nonexistent fragile thread holding those two together. Not to mention fucking over the only family I have. So how's that for a porn script?" Simon felt heat rushing up his neck. "All I'm saying is that it's not the end of the world. Breathe motherfucker," Steven said with a smile. Simon closed his eyes and inhaled. "Or daughter-fucker I guess would be more appropriate." It took every ounce of restraint not to clock his friend in the face again. "But all jokes aside, you'll be okay, man. Just keep it together," Steven said, squeezing his shoulder. "Yeah." Outside, Steven leaned against his car door. "Hey, I just thought of something. For a temporary solution, Ella could move in with me." "Not a chance in hell." "Come on man, you know I wouldn't do anything. You've always been able to trust me." Simon blew into his hands to warm them. "I know man, I do trust you. But it's Gabriella I don't trust. She has a way of getting to people. You won't understand until it's too late and then you'll be like, 'what the fuck just happened?'" "Alright. I guess you would know better than anyone." "Unfortunately, I do." Steven unlocked his door when Simon stopped him. "So you think the problem is just us being under the same roof constantly. Maybe if she wasn't there, then the affair would end?" Steven nodded. "Absolutely." Maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel. "But," Steven continued. "If it doesn't stop, then you have bigger problems than you thought." "What do you mean?" "I mean, maybe it's not just about sex." Simon scoffed. "You're not suggesting that she and I have some sort of emotional connection, are you?" Steven shrugged. "Well don't, because that's not the case. Unless you count homicidal emotional triggers." "Great. Then if she moves out, you have nothing to worry about, right?" "Right." Steven made a face as if he were in deep thought. "What?" Simon asked. "Nothing." "No, tell me. I know you want to say something." "I just, I don't know, I think it would be easier for you if you stopped this, this thing you're doing," Steven said, motioning to all of him. "What thing?" "This Mike Brady act." "It's not an act." "Oh, okay. I heard you say 'freaking h' a while back." "So." "Since when did you talk like a Muppet?" Simon tossed his bag into the car. "I don't believe this shit. Because I'm trying to be better than the asshole I used to be, you have a problem with it?" "I don't have a problem, but I didn't think there was anything wrong with the old you. Maybe Patricia won't either." Simon shook his head. "I think I know my wife better than you. She grew up around a lot of bad shit and she doesn't want it in her house. And I don't blame her. And if that means working on myself a little to be a better person so my wife can be happy and live in peace, then I think that's a win-win." "So how does Ella fit into this happy, peaceful win-win life?" "I don't know," he admitted. He wasn't sure there was a place for her. Not after he had destroyed the stepfather/stepdaughter relationship they could have had. So much for Mike Brady. "Maybe now I'll start getting glimpses of my old friend." "Your old friend, huh? You like being friends with a liar and a cheat? Did your broken nose feel the same?" Steven grinned. "Brought back old times. Although your fist weren't usually aimed at me." "Look, I don't want to be that person again. And whether you agree or not, I love who I am when I'm with Patricia. I love the way she makes me feel. I love her. Period." "I didn't question your love for her. I'm just saying this all might blow up in your face if you can't get a handle of things. It's like that book we read in high school. The Scarlet Letter. No man can wear—" "Are you really quoting Hawthorne right now?" "—one face in private and another to the multitude without getting confused as to which one is true...or something like that. You know what I'm talking about, we saw it on that episode of The Sopranos." Simon sat down in his car. He knew the quote well. His own father had been a shining example of it. He would preach how vital the law was and how he would lead by example. Meanwhile he sent his wife to the emergency room with a broken jaw and dislocated arm one day because she talked a little too long to the mailman. He had resented those two sides of his father all his life. And now he was staring down a similar struggle "Alright, enough of my Yoda spiel for today. You get what I'm saying." Simon sighed. "Yeah, I get you. Get my shit together." Steven hopped in his car and pulled up beside him. His shades blocking his eyes as a small grin appeared on his face. "One more question." Simon rested his head against the steering wheel, bracing himself. "What?" "Does she call you daddy or any freaky shit like that while you're going at it?" Simon held up his middle finger then pressed the automatic window button to block out Steven's laughter. ********** Patricia Simon pushed the grocery cart behind Patricia as she tossed in several cans. She had yet to bring up the subject of last night with Ella, who had skipped out of the house long before Patricia woke. Patricia still felt strange about the whole incident, but she was a firm believer in moving on and making things better instead of harping on the past. "I'm not sure if Nolan is still coming for dinner tomorrow, but what do you think he'll want more? Lasagna or meatloaf?" Simon shrugged. "You're no help." She stared at the package of lasagna noodles. "He definitely has a healthy appetite. But I think meatloaf will feel more family friendly, right?" She looked back at Simon, who was staring down at his phone. Her stomach twisted in knots as she turned away and placed the noodles back. She wanted to trust him, wanted to believe him when he promised to make their relationship work and that it was over with Sarah. She wouldn't give into her curiosity. "I think meatloaf." The next time she glanced at Simon, his eyes were on her. Patricia focused her attention on rows of spices ahead and pulled on the front end of the cart only to feel it slip from her fingers. She looked back to see why he had pulled it from her grasp. He flashed a small smile that bordered on sad. She forced a smile and turned to scan the shelf again. Simon wrapped his arms around her. If only we could stay in these moments. "I have to earn your trust again," he whispered, before placing a kiss behind her ear, a sensitive spot only he knew about. His fingers clasped hers as he tucked something in her palm. "I'm going to grab a bottle of wine. Be right back." She looked down at the small device in her hand. His phone. They were the windows to many affairs according to articles she had read online. Emails, texts, calls...they all fed the fire of infidelity. She rolled the sleek plastic between her hands before placing it in the cart. There was no need. If he gave her his phone then there was nothing on there he would be ashamed of. There was nothing to hide because he wasn't hiding anything. The temptation to look may never fully disappear since the trust had been broken. But she would work hard to keep the insidious voices at bay for the sake of their marriage...and her sanity. When he returned he shoved his phone back into his pocket. She didn't tell him she hadn't looked and he didn't ask. Simon simply took her hand and helped her with shopping, pausing ever so often to pull her in for a kiss. He was trying so hard for them. Patricia felt hopeful, for the first time in what felt like a lifetime but only added up to a day. They could move forward if she met him halfway. She kept telling herself that and shut out the warning that maybe Simon was trying too hard. *** Two weeks later... It had been a while since they had showered together, but tonight sure made up for it. Patricia had already been exhausted by the second time Simon made her come when he used his tongue to work his magic on her. He had every intention of continuing their water play but with her early start tomorrow morning, Patricia bailed on the idea of starting round three. She sat in bed rubbing the lotion onto her legs when the water stopped running. A smile formed at the corner of her mouth as Simon appeared outside the bathroom door with a towel around his hips. Patricia rested back on her elbows and admired him while he ran a towel over his hair. "You look absolutely hot right now." Simon paused. "Really? Does that mean you're ready to pick up where we left off Mrs. Graham?" She laughed and maneuvered under the covers. "I don't think you have the energy to keep up with your words, young man." "See, you keep saying stuff like that and you won't get any sleep tonight." Simon dropped his towel and slid beneath the covers. He pulled Patricia close and kissed her. "You'll be dead tired and walking funny tomorrow morning." She giggled and slapped his arm. "Simon! You're too much." "Isn't that your favorite thing about me, honey?" He nipped her ear. "Keep flirting and I'll have to show you." "I don't flirt. I wouldn't begin to know how." She scooted back so her rear nestled at his groin. "See, it's the innocent ones that always say that, but are probably the most lethal at it." He wrapped his arm around her and she interlaced her fingers with his. "You were so hot in the shower. I had forgotten how flexible you were." "Oh, I have tricks, sweetie." "Can I see more?" She laughed. "Maybe tomorrow." "You're a mean woman. But I love you." "I love you too." It was becoming easier to say those three words freely, without them hurting. The last two weeks brought a lot healing in their relationship while things with Ella remained at a standstill. She had only seen Ella in passing since their fight. Even Nolan had gone MIA. He had called before their Sunday dinner and said he wasn't feeling well. But Patricia suspected that had been Ella's doing. Simon didn't seem affected by her absence and never talked about it. But Patricia wanted to talk about it. She needed to talk about it. Ella was slipping further and further away. Patricia closed her eyes and willed her mind to go quiet but was still awake when the front door opened. She lifted her head as Ella's heels clacked down the hallway. Simon's arms stiffened around her. She relaxed her head against the pillow again when Ella's door closed. At least she was sleeping at home. She didn't often spend the night at Nolan's, but she came in so late at night...or early in the morning, that she might as well have. Patricia's phone lit up on the nightstand. She scanned over her emails until she saw the latest one from Sam. She read it once, pushed herself up against the headboard and turned on her night lamp to read it again. Simon blinked and rubbed his eyes. "What's wrong?" "I can't believe him." Simon rose and leaned against the headboard. "Sam?" "He's bailing on one of our projects. He's supposed to conduct surveys in Asheville for a new cell phone model, but now he wants me to go." "Tomorrow?" "No, Friday." "That's Gabriella's birthday." "I know." He yawned. "Well, tell him you can't go." She cut her eyes at him as if he had grown a second head. "You know I can't do that." "No, I don't know that. You hate that job anyway, you should just quit." "Simon, you say that like it's even an option. No one is hiring and it's a blessing I even have a job. We can't afford all that we have on just your income alone. Not with our bills." Simon looked unconvinced. "Trust me, it won't add up." "So then you go to Asheville." He rolled over and pulled the covers up. Birthdays had never been big deals to her and Ella, but even so Patricia regretted the ones she missed because of work. She hated missing anymore, hated the idea of having another strike against her. Although Ella probably didn't care either way, Patricia cared. Once Ella graduated, Patricia wasn't so sure that she would ever come back to celebrate the day with her mother. The only tie holding Ella here was that she depended on the four walls and bed they provided for her. The moment she found that comfort somewhere else, she would be gone. Perhaps forever. The fear of that possibility ripped through Patricia's body. Tears threatened to spill over. Tears that would wake Simon. Patricia read Sam's email again through blurry eyes. She drafted a reply. Sorry Sam, I can't go this time. It's my daughter's birthday. She stared at the message, her thumb hovering over the send button. Would Sam fire her over one day? In a heartbeat, especially if it spared him heat from corporate. She closed her eyes and tallied the mortgage, the car payments and utilities. They could get by two months maybe three months on Simon's salary but just barely. Patricia never wanted to go back to living that way, not if she had a choice. She had never been impulsive and now wasn't the time to start. She deleted the message and set her phone on the nightstand. She'd made the responsible decision but found no peace. Instead, Patricia spent the night listening to Simon sleep. ********** Gabriella Ella drummed her pen against her notebook as Mrs. Weathers' droned on and on about chamber music. She hated Music Appreciation Class. What a misleading name for a class. The course she thought would be an easy A made her dislike music, a feat Ella once thought impossible. She glanced at her phone. It was almost four and soon she would kick off her weekend. And today she was officially done being a teenager. But nothing good ever happened on her birthday. She'd gotten pneumonia, almost cut off a finger and was suspended from school. Many other problems plagued her on this day. Her mother had slipped into her room earlier that morning and wished her happy birthday before she left on her trip. Ella had pretended to be asleep so her mother quietly backed out. She just couldn't bring herself to fake those Hallmark moments between them. Maybe Nolan could make a difference. He planned to take her out for dinner at a nice restaurant in the city. Dinner seemed like a tame, uninspired idea of romance but Nolan was sweet in his insistence that her birthday should be a special day. Besides anything that kept her mind from wandering to Simon was a blessing these days. She hadn't spoken to him since the morning he ordered her to stay out of his life. She obliged even though her insides felt like they were crumbling. And now her mother was a four hour drive away in Asheville working, giving them their first chance to be alone. In the past, she would've passed up a million dollars for one full weekend with Simon. Just simple things like ordering Chinese take-out would turn into a fun debate. She admired the way he got wrapped up in the History Channel programs he liked and could barely hold her chopsticks as she anticipated when he would turn his attention from the TV to her. Back then, she would float around with a dumb grin on her face for days. Now his aloofness held more impatience than it had before. A cool look from him would force her to swallow back a simple greeting. So Ella just preferred to stay away. When class ended, she grabbed her bags and made her way through the crowd of students. "Move," said someone behind her, right as a shoulder bumped her. The sorority girl who always rolled her eyes at Ella, despite not knowing her, passed by. Ella fought the instinct to jerk the girl's hair back, inciting a fight. Instead, she took a breath and let it go. Today was going to be different. Outside, she found Nolan leaning against the wall. The closer she got to him, the wider his smile became. "Hey birthday girl!" he said as he wrapped his arms around her. She stood on her toes and gave him a kiss. "Are you going to call me that all day?" "Up until midnight." "Don't you have practice?" "Nope. We had it this morning since we have a game tomorrow afternoon." "So that means I have you all to myself?" Nolan squeezed her rear. "Yes ma'am," he whispered into her mouth before his tongue slid through. She dropped her bag and wrapped her arms around his neck. After a professor interrupted their kisses, Nolan drove her home. She tried to ignore Simon's car when they pulled into the driveway. Winter was fast approaching and all the vibrant green from the lawns had vanished, leaving only dead wet brown leaves in their place. "So, I'll pick you back up at six, okay?" Ella nodded and gave him a quick kiss. She pushed the front door open and at first, she didn't think anyone was home. Most of the lights were off and the house was calm. For a moment, Ella felt at peace. She wanted to catalogue the moment because this past year had been anything but peaceful. Simon had been the biggest, brightest thing to ever happen to her and she couldn't imagine anyone would fill the emptiness in her heart, but she would survive. She just hadn't figured out how, other than doing the one-day-at-a-time thing and sneaking in and out of the house like she was an intruder. She found Simon at the kitchen table grading a stack of papers and left him before he glanced up—not that he would anyway. After a long shower, Ella searched her closet for something conservative yet sexy to wear although the options were few. She settled on a strapless black dress she had "borrowed" from a Guess store. It was both short and form-fitting like most of her clothes, but elegant due to the color. She styled her hair in an updo and applied light makeup but she still looked dressed for a club instead of an upscale restaurant. She peeked out into the hallway to see if the coast was clear. When she heard the faint rustling of papers, she pushed aside Simon's many warnings and darted towards the master bedroom. The photo that sat on top of their dresser caught her attention. Simon and her mother caught in a kiss. He had a copy in his office. Just like in the picture, they seemed genuinely happy these days. Ella shook off the sting of reality and walked into their closet. Her mother had been thrilled when they moved in with Simon, who owned a walk-in closet, the only luxury her mother had ever wanted. Ella skimmed over several shirts and slacks until she reached Simon's half of the closet. His clothes were arranged from formal to casual, with his dress shoes and sneakers below in a neat row, minus a pair of sandals her mother had bought for him and he'd yet to wear. She smirked. A wife should know if her husband was a sandals guy. Gabriella Ch. 07 And then she saw it. The blue polo shirt. Ella lifted it from the rack and held it up. He had worn it the night their affair began. His hands shook as he removed the blue shirt and dropped it on her bedroom floor. His facial expression held equal parts of lust and fear, a look she would never forget because she never thought she'd have that effect on a man like him. He dressed right after they had sex and sat on her bed with a bewildered look. She reached to hug him, to soothe away the shame in his eyes but he kept her at arms length. The warning signs were there from the beginning. But she paid no attention. She believed she could handle it, that he'd be no different from the others. Then her heart took over. "What are you doing in here?" Ella jumped and dropped the shirt. Simon stood with his arms folded, looking pissed. She picked his shirt up from the floor and hung it back on the rack, praying her caramel skin tone blocked out the embarrassment that heated her cheeks. "Looking for something," she said as she thumbed through her mother's clothes. "For what exactly?" She held up a burgundy wrap. "Any other questions?" "Where are you guys going?" "Some place in the city. I don't know the name." Nolan would offer Simon a play-by-play of their plans when he arrived. It always bugged her because she knew what Simon would think. Ella rushed to the bedroom door but his forearm stopped her. She looked up at his eyes, which held the same stormy gray she'd encountered the last time they were this close. They flickered over her face. Her skin burned. His scent drifted over her. Memories flashed. Laughter in the shower. Sword fights with chopsticks. The way she felt when Simon held her close and touched her with gentle, loving hands. She closed her eyes. This was crazy. She had to be crazy for still feeling this way about him, even for a second. Ella opened her eyes again. She wasn't crazy. His unreadable mask was gone. He felt the same way she did, she was sure of it. All she had to do now was stand and wait. Wait for him to crush her body against his. Wait for him to kiss her. Wait for him to shower her with the pleasure she craved. "Gabriella..." "What?" she whispered. Her heart raced with hope. Simon dropped his hands on top of his head. He hadn't even touched her and he already regretted it. And she was a pathetic fool for almost playing along. "What were you going to say? 'Cause I think I've heard it all before." She tamped down her anger enough to mimic the icy tone he used with her. "We won't be together. I'm not going to be your boyfriend, husband, or whoever you've pictured me as." The door bell rang. "That would be my boyfriend. And that's all we need to talk about." She ran to the front and swung open the door. Nolan appeared bearing red roses and a fresh hair cut. "Look at you in a suit!" His smile disappeared as his eyes lowered down her body. "Whoa, you look...I mean...wow." "Thanks," she said, her heart still racing for all the wrong reasons. She tried to focus on the flowers when Simon approached. "These for me?" "Huh? Oh! Yeah," Nolan said, handing her the large bouquet. "Do you like?" "They're beautiful. Thank you. I'm going to put them in water." She left the two men in her life together while she entered the kitchen. She closed her eyes and leaned against the counter, hoping her heartbeat would steady again. Once her breathing mellowed, she walked back out. Nolan stood outside as Simon rested against the door. "You ready?" she asked. "Yep." He smiled brightly, although Simon's body blocked them. "Wait," Simon told her as he handed her a lavender colored envelope. "I wanted to give this to you earlier, but you ducked out on me." She reached for the card, but he held onto it a moment longer. "Don't toss it aside, because the real gift is in the card. Happy Birthday, Gabriella." "Thank you." The words sounded generic but Ella had to blink away her tears. All the roses in the world couldn't measure up to Simon remembering her birthday. *** "Wow," Ella said as she scanned over the menu. No prices were listed and the text was in Italian. She had never been to a restaurant this fancy before. When they first pulled up to valet in front of Piacenza, she knew her mother's wrap would do nothing to make her dress fit in. The rustic, Venetian plastered walls mimicked old Italian architecture that she had seen in movies and history books. She pulled at the hem of her dress, which had already received a mix of judgment and humor when she first arrived. The women looked like they had stepped out of a Saks Fifth Avenue catalogue. Nolan assured her that she was "stunning" but she still felt out of place. She set her menu down and smiled at Nolan. "You come here often?" "Sometimes with my folks. But it's nice though, right?" Ella nodded. He stared at her for a moment. "What's inside the card Professor Graham gave you?" Ella removed the envelope from her purse. Inside was a generic card but her eyes zoned in on two tickets. Excitement raced over her skin. Two concert tickets to see the only band she had memorized every lyric for every one of their songs. The concert had sold out within minutes, leaving her disappointed that she hadn't gotten tickets in time. Why would Simon do something like this for her? "What is it?" Nolan asked as he leaned closer. Ella shrugged. "Some concert tickets." "Oh cool. What band?" "Fool The World." "I like their new song." Ella nodded, still in disbelief that Simon had given her the best birthday gift ever. "So, I guess it's my turn to give you a gift...or three." Ella glanced around. "Um, hello, is this not your gift?" Nolan shook his head and reached below the table. He pulled out a small box. "Okay, I know you're not a jewelry girl, but I saw this and thought of you." She opened the velvet box and found a necklace. Diamonds flanked an amethyst to create a flower. "Oh, my God, Nolan." He lifted the necklace from the box and stood to drape it around her neck. The pendant fell an inch above her cleavage. "I know I'm supposed to say, 'you shouldn't have' but it's beautiful. Thank you. " He sat back down. "You're beautiful." She gave him a devilish grin. "Now I have to do something really special to you tonight." "Well, in that case..." He reached below the table again and pulled out two pink striped Victoria's Secret boxes. "Naughty boy," she said, shaking the contents of the box. He rubbed his hands together and flexed his eyebrows. "Sorry, I guess that's more of a gift for me to unwrap later tonight." She laughed and set the boxes on the floor beside her. But the card she tucked away safely in her purse. After their entrees arrived, Nolan brought up his big game the next day. The Clemson Tigers, the opponent, had a flawless record. "They're going to kick our ass. Their defense is just better than ours," he said, chomping into more bread. She pushed the mysterious meat around on her plate. "But you're hotter." He laughed. "If only it worked that way." She bit into a green bean with red sauce drizzled on top. It wasn't half bad. "Can I ask you a question?" She looked up at him. "Sure." "We never really talked about that night. You know, when things got kinda bad and I left." "What about it?" she asked. Events of that night weren't what she wanted to rehash on her birthday. "I guess I was wondering why you don't get along with your mom. I mean, she seems really nice." Ella cut her meat and took a bite. "Next question." Nolan chuckled. "Okay, okay. What about Graham. You cool with him?" "Some days he's my biggest ally and then others I want to stab him in the chest and watch him bleed to death." Nolan's eyes widened with shock. "What?" "You asked. But enough about them, what about your family?" He drew his brows together. "Hmm. Well, my family is kinda traditional. Mom and dad married right out of college and have been together ever since. And I have an older brother who's in medical school." "That's sweet. Your parents still being together and all." He shifted in his seat. Ella waited for him to say more, but he didn't. "Do they know about me?" "N-no, not yet." Ella fidgeted with her necklace, trying to ignore the uncertainty on his face. "But I'm going to tell them," he rushed on to say. "I just haven't done it yet. I mean, it's hard to explain, but my mom and dad aren't the easiest people to talk to if you're not just like them. Conservative type people." Ella arched a brow, wondering what Nolan really meant. "Not that they wouldn't love you," he continued, his tone higher than normal. "It's just that, well, you know, before my brother got married, my mom made his girlfriend break out into hives. So, see they're not the easiest people to deal with. I swear, my mom thinks we're the Kennedy's reincarnated. She wanted to build her own Camelot, but thought it was trashy to have more than two kids." "Oh." "Yeah," he said defeated. "So, I want you to meet them, I just don't think we should rush it, you know." "Okay," she said, not sure of how she felt about it. The subject moved back to football and Nolan's eyes lit up as he explained why Tom Brady was a better quarterback than Peyton Manning. Ella didn't know either player, but she tried to listen. She started seeing Nolan in a new light. Whether intentional or not, people were deceiving. Almost everyone in her life fit the bill. Nolan hid his tenderness and uncertainty behind the façade of a rough and confident Darby Devil football jersey. Her mother masked the distant, detached parts of herself with a gentle demeanor and sweet smile. And Simon... The lovable, kind act that he presented to her mom and others was nothing like the intense, passionate and sometimes brutal man she knew whose soul was just as restless as her own. None of them were what they presented to the world. But she was. There was no pretense. And though some rumors were completely made up, many weren't, so she didn't fault people for their assumptions about her. But what you saw was what you got. Nolan wrapped his arms around her as they waited for valet to return with his SUV. "So, what do you want to do next? We can take in a movie or something. Or we could go straight to my place and let you model some lingerie before I take it off you." "That sounds like fun," she said, trying to muster up as much enthusiasm as she could. But her thoughts drifted to Simon at home. Alone. "Mmm, I can't wait," he whispered, nipping her ear. In the car, she leaned her head against the window, feeling guilty for the lie she was about to tell. "Nolan?" "Yeah, baby?" "Actually, I'm not feeling so hot," she said, avoiding his eyes. "Really? What's wrong?" "I don't know. My head hurts. Would it be terrible if you just took me home?" He placed his hand on her thigh. "You sure you don't want to come to my place? I can take care of you. We wouldn't have to do anything." Ella turned and gave him a weak smile. "I wouldn't be much fun. Think I just need sleep. Can I make everything up to you tomorrow morning before your game?" "Sure." Nolan turned his attention back to the road, but not before she saw the disappointment in his face. She hurt him all because of her crazy weakness for a romantically bipolar man who was married to her mother. Ella kissed him goodnight and watched him drive off. It took everything in her to keep her composure and not run to the door. But once she got to the porch, Ella hesitated. She questioned her decision as Nolan's headlights faded from view. Her doubts vanished as quickly as they came. "Simon?" she called out the instant she entered the house. The lights were off and the house was still. She rushed down the hall to his bedroom only to find the bed made up and empty. She raced to the kitchen and looked into the garage. His car was gone. More than likely he was at Steven's. Well, he would just have to deal with her tonight, because she needed to see him. She pulled out her phone and dialed his number. It rang once when she noticed the money sitting on the table with a note beside it. She scanned the note, once, twice, before she ended the call. Gone to see Patricia. Will be back on Sunday. Hope you had a good birthday. SG After reading it for the third time, Ella balled the note up and tossed it in the trash. She sat down on the couch in the living room. Moonlight shined through the windows and lit up the magazines on sprawled across the table. The latest Hollywood 'it girl' on the cover of Glamour magazine wore a carefree laugh that was the opposite of everything Ella felt at that moment. Had Simon come into her life and swept her off her feet before disappearing all together, then maybe she could have written him off. Over time she would have seen her mistakes and moved on. Instead, he entered her life, then heart, slowly, almost calculating in a way, though she knew it wasn't his plan. She never imagined herself loving someone the way she loved him and it hurt that she had to conceal it, like it was a dirty secret never worth mentioning. Over the last four years, Simon's presence and attention had slowly woven around her heart like a tightly spun web. Love kept her trapped in hope while his indifference and outright heartlessness chipped away at her soul. Love made her lie to Nolan, who truly cared about her. It kept her from caring about him the way he deserved. Now love had brought Ella to where she was tonight: hurt and alone and with no more hope while Simon and her mother enjoyed the romantic weekend together. She picked up the magazine and studied the cover. Another disappointing birthday in the books. It was almost enough to make Ella cry. She allowed herself one tear. ********** Patricia Patricia studied the movie menu on the hotel TV. None of them sounded familiar. She hesitated a moment before she clicked the adult tab. She scrolled through the crass titles until she reached The Pussy Whisperer. "What does that even mean?" Her eyes shifted to the ceiling as she dropped back onto the bed. She wondered if Ella and Simon were doing okay or about to kill each other. But for as much as they fought, they got along much better than she and Ella did. There were several times they shared an inside joke or just seemed relaxed in each other's presence. Patricia couldn't remember the last time she and Ella just had a pleasant conversation. But that night still bothered her. It wasn't Ella's outburst as much as what followed that gnawed at the back of her mind. Simon's actions seemed routine—from how he got a belligerent Ella back in the car until he carried her into her room. He remained calm throughout as though he had done it numerous times. Something about that night felt strange, but she still couldn't pinpoint the source of it. She was growing tired of chasing a mystery only to come up with no answers. Maybe it was all in her head. Ella had turned twenty and Patricia hadn't a clue on how to fix their fractured relationship. A bothersome tear rolled from the corner of her eye into her hairline. She remembered a movie where a mother pleaded with her husband to be more present in their children's lives. The mother had said that there was only a small window of time when children begged for their parents' attention. Once that was gone, it was the parents who would spend the rest of their lives chasing their children for a moment of their time. Patricia was now in that space where she realized how many opportunities she had missed to be close to Ella. Now she was fighting every day to hold on while Ella made it very apparent that she wanted her to let go. In the past, she had sought solace behind these foreign hotel walls but now they reminded her of every mistake she'd made. And Simon wasn't here to block out the hopelessness that sometimes eased its way into her mind. She refused to lie there and drive herself crazy. She dressed and made her way down to the empty lobby. "Is there a movie theater nearby? Something within walking distance?" she asked the desk agent. He looked up from his magazine. "Yes ma'am. About four blocks down, there's a theater on the right." "Thank you." It was definitely further than four blocks, but the trek past different store fronts downtown helped clear her head. She searched the electronic board at the theater for a show time, but they were all blank. "Any good romance movies out?" she asked the ticket teller. The young girl smacked her gum and continued to press buttons on her phone. "We have a Hugh Grant marathon tonight. Tickets are half price. Sense and Sensibility starts in two minutes." "Perfect. Two—one ticket." Patricia bought a drink and popcorn from concessions and settled in the middle row of her screening. There were only five other people in the theater, all women. Two young girls sat giggling in the front row, two thirty-somethings sat behind her and a stout older woman occupied a seat in the far right corner. Patricia smiled in her direction, understanding the loneliness. How she wished Simon was here with her. He would wrap his arms around her and whisper loving things in her ear while the movie played on. They even made out in a theater once, although public displays of affection made her uncomfortable. Back in college, Patricia used to be openly affectionate with Rodney until it made her the butt of campus jokes. She had been the clueless girlfriend seen hugging and kissing on the guy who'd been with another girl the weekend before. Patricia slid down into her seat as the lights dimmed and the credits rolled. Ella passed through her mind again. She prayed her relationship with Nolan was on the up and up and that Ella wouldn't have to repeat her mistakes by choosing the wrong man at a young age. She had been through enough already. They both paid the price. Midway through the second movie, Notting Hill, she heard the seat behind her squeak. "Excuse me," a male voice whispered behind her. "I think you dropped this?" "What?" Patricia turned and squealed. She wrapped her arms around Simon's neck and kissed him. "What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" she asked between kisses. "I needed to see you. A guy at the hotel said you had gone to a theater near here." Simon glanced up at the screen. "Hugh Grant...I should have known." "Shh," the older woman chided from a few rows down. Simon glanced at her before hopping over the seat and settling beside Patricia. She brushed away the tear that threatened to fall. "I can't believe you're here. I'm so happy to see you." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her again. "We can leave if you want." He pushed his hands through her hair and studied her face. "You sure?" "Yeah. I'd rather spend this time alone with you." *** They walked under the sparkling city lights of Asheville. Patricia had only been here once before for a wedding over fifteen years ago, but remembered how enchanting it was, especially now that Simon was with her. "We should move here," she said. "And leave our small little dingy country town...never." He pulled her over to a large stone bench that overlooked a fishpond and lowered her down on his lap. The shimmering stars reflected off the dark water. She snuggled closer to him. "How was Ella when you left?" "Fine, I guess. She went out with Nolan." "Good. I really like him. What did she think about the tickets?" "She didn't open the card." "You sure she likes that group? I've never heard of them." Simon scoffed. "Well, that's not hard. You thought Lady Gaga was a Royal." Gabriella Ch. 07 "Oh, be quiet." She grinned. "I was just going off the name." "And that's why I love you," he whispered, kissing the side of her neck. She closed her eyes, entranced by the smooth rhythm created by the ripples in the water and Simon's soft lips on her skin. Why couldn't all aspects of her life be this good? She would give anything to have her marriage, daughter, job and just overall happiness coincide just once in life. "Simon?" "Hmm." Patricia thought of how to phrase her question. One that she had asked herself a million times but was always frightened of the answer. "Do you think I'm a bad mother?" She grew anxious waiting for him to respond. "I think you blame yourself too much for everything that's happened." Patricia looked up at him. "That sounds nice but you didn't answer the question. Am I a bad mother? Be honest." He shook his head. "No. Do I think you made a few mistakes? Yes. Are you a bad mother? No." "Then why does she continue to shut me out?" "Gabriella rarely lets anyone in, so don't be offended by that." "Come on, Simon. She can barely stand to be in the same room as me. I know I work a lot, but I do notice things. I've walked into the kitchen before when she's been talking to you and she shuts up. And sometimes she'll stop midsentence and walk out." She looked back out at the pond. "When she was a teenager, I thought, 'oh well this rebellious adolescent behavior will go away. It's not directed just at me, this is just how they are'. But she's twenty now. And it hasn't gone away because it is directed at me." "And me," he added. "God, I just wish so bad I could have a do-over. There are so many things I would have done differently. I keep thinking about—" Patricia paused as she struggled for breath. "I-I was in the checkout line a few days ago, browsing over magazines wh—when I came across a Prom magazine and—" Simon brushed her tears away. "Honey, what's wrong?" "Th-the coldest chill ran down my spine. I swear Simon, I froze right there in line." "Why, what happened?" "Because I couldn't remember if Ella went to prom. Or any school dance. She never mentioned them to me and I never asked. What kind of mother doesn't even know if her child went to prom? I mean, wouldn't she have needed a dress? I can't believe I forgot about those things." "Patricia, don't do this to yourself. You made some mistakes. We all do. But what's important is that you're trying to correct them now. You're trying and that's more than most ever do." Patricia nodded and wiped her nose. "Okay. You're right." "Of course I am." He tightened his arms around her. "I just hate I messed up so badly." "You fucked up," Simon amended. "Say it that way." She scoffed and looked back at him. "What?" "Come on, say it. Say, 'I fucked up'." Patricia glanced around before whispering, "I fucked up." Simon cupped his ear. "I'm sorry, what?" "I fucked up," she stated louder. "See, how did that feel?" She leaned back against him. "Felt pretty fucking good." Simon erupted in laughter and pulled her backwards onto the bench. Patricia squealed as she fell against his chest. He breathed a heavy sigh before his hand dipped below the waistband of her jeans. "Simon!" She held his hand from lowering further. "No one's here." His voice was thick with lust. She looked around. There wasn't a person in sight. Just the two of them, the pond and a strange serene feeling in the air. "Okay." She released his hand and his fingers sought her core. She bit her bottom lip to keep from moaning out loud as his fingers massaged her clit before diving inside her. Waves of pleasure flowed through her and settled between her legs. "Simon," she moaned. She reached behind her and wrapped her hands around his neck, giving him free reign of all that was his. His free hand roamed up her stomach and over her chest, kneading her breasts. He worked his way beneath her shirt and rolled his palm over her sensitive buds. His fingers continued to move in and out of her soaking sex at a frenzied pace until an orgasm ripped through her body and she was forced to see her own stars. Several minutes passed without a word spoken. Patricia inhaled the night air as she lay on his chest, rising and falling with each breath from him. "I love you," he said. "I love you too." It was getting easier to say those words again. ********** Gabriella Ella waited exactly one hour before she called Nolan. She didn't want to appear desperate or look like a liar for crawling back to him after her bright idea ended up a bust. And she hated the feeling that she was using him, but she couldn't spend the night alone in this house. "Nolan?" she said, when he answered. "Hey baby, how are you feeling?" "Oh, I'm okay. I actually was wondering if I could come over and model those outfits for you." "Right now?" "Yeah, if that's okay. Or I could come in nothing..." He breathed heavily into the phone. "You have no clue what you do to me." She giggled. "So is that a yes?" "Gosh baby, I wish I could, but I'm actually on my way to my parents' house now to help my mom. She's screaming about a leak in the basement and swears the plumbers don't know what they're doing. As if I do." Ella slumped against the kitchen counter. "Oh. Where's your dad?" "In New York on business. And my brother is at the hospital, so the duty of calming my mom got handed to me." "Okay. Well then I guess I'll still see you tomorrow, right?" "Yep." Ella wasn't ready to hang up just yet, but she didn't know what else to say. "What's wrong, baby?" "Oh, nothing. Simon left earlier and I just don't want to stay here by myself." "Aww, you're so cute. If you want, just crash at my place. That way I have a nice treat waiting on me when I get back tomorrow morning." "Are you sure? I mean, I'd love that. But I don't want to impose." "You're my girl, right? So mi casa, su casa. I'm not one of those guys that are funny about you leaving a toothbrush or something." Ella smiled and bounced on her toes. "Thank you." "No problem. The key is under the welcome mat." "Okay." She felt a rush of exhilaration. "And tomorrow I want you to fuck me until I can't feel my legs." He groaned. "I don't know if that's humanely possible, but I'll give it my best." Ella quickly packed a bag and called a cab. Once she got to Nolan's apartment, she occupied her time between reruns of How I Met Your Mother and Friends. This also wasn't how she planned to spend her birthday, but it was better than being alone in their house with nothing but memories. But after the fourth program, boredom set in. She decided to try on the lingerie gifts from Nolan. In his room, she slipped on the lacy light pink bra and matching panties with bows on the side. She smiled when she thought of Nolan pulling the strings on the tiny bows. Simon pulling the strings... She sighed and adjusted the bra straps. "Goddamn, Nolan's a lucky motherfucker." Ella shrieked and turned to find Bryan leaning against the doorframe staring at her. She quickly reached for Nolan's sheets to cover her body. "What the fuck are you doing here?" "My roommate's girlfriend is in town, so I'm crashing here tonight," he stated casually before biting into a green apple. "How did you get in?" He dangled a key from his finger as he chewed. Even though the bill of his cap was pulled down low on his forehead, she felt his eyes roaming over her. She pulled the sheets tighter. "Well, that doesn't mean you have the right to just bust up into his place anytime you want." "Actually Miss I've-only-been-his-girlfriend-for-a-minute that's exactly what it means." He continued to stare at her while he devoured his apple. "Can you please leave so I can get dressed?" He smirked. "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were dressed." She crossed her arms and waited for him to leave. "I've seen you in a lot less, you know." He grinned before rolling back from the doorframe and heading down the hall. She slammed the door and went through her bag, which only consisted of the other lingerie gift, a sheer lavender chemise. She slipped back on her strapless black dress and walked into the living room. Bryan was stretched out on the sofa watching ESPN. He turned to her and smiled. "Wow, is that all for me?" "Does Nolan know you're here?" He rolled his eyes. "I have a standing invitation to crash at his place anytime I want. Perks of being best friends." Maybe Bryan didn't know how Nolan felt, but she did and he would be pissed at them being alone together. "Does he know you're here now?" "Nope." "Well, he's at his parent's house tonight, but he'll be back early tomorrow morning so we can spend some time together before the game." "Okay." "Okay, so do you get what I mean?" He sat up and changed the channel. "I don't care if you two fuck. I brought my iPod." She rested her hands on her hips. "That's not the point, Bryan." "Chill, alright?" He went to the kitchen. "Besides I'm not gonna be here all night. I'm meeting some friends at a club," he shouted to her. A stab of envy hit her. She wished she was doing something special tonight instead of living in re-run hell while waiting for her boyfriend to return. When he came back, he stood beside her and twisted the top off a beer. He turned it up and drank half the bottle before he took a breath. He smiled at her and swatted her rear before he hopped over the back of the couch. "You should come with me. You're already dressed." He glanced back at her. "Speaking of, why are you dressed up?" "Keep your hands to yourself. And today is my birthday, so Nolan took me out to dinner." "Your birthday? Come out with me tonight. I'll buy you a drink." "No." "What the hell else are you going to do? Watch TV? On your birthday? On a Friday night? Lame." It was lame. Although dinner was nice, this birthday was supposed to be better than the last nineteen. But she didn't trust Bryan. "I don't know." "You don't know. Okay, let me make this easy on you." He held one hand up like a scale. "Stay at home on your birthday with shit to do. Or hang out with the most fun guy on campus, dance and get shit-faced," he said holding up the other hand. "Hmm...which one?" Ella smiled. "Okay, okay, you have a point. I'll go but I'm not drinking." He smiled and turned his ball cap around. "We'll see birthday girl." An hour later, they met up with three of his friends at Club Vanity. Josh, another football player, and Craig, a bit of a stoner looking guy whose girlfriend Jaime latched onto her immediately, telling her a crazy story of how she and Craig met and fell in love. She was loud and brash, but Ella liked her. After much resistance, Bryan finally got her to the dance floor. Their dancing started off innocent until his hands began to roam. She kept pushing them away until he held onto her and thrust his body roughly against her, no longer simulating any type of dancing. She pushed him away and stormed off the floor and over to a table where Josh, Jaime and Craig had settled. "Have a good time?" Jaime asked, pinching her leg. Ella fanned herself, her hair already sticking to her face. "I could have, if he would have stopped grinding against my ass." Bryan leaned back in his chair and mumbled something. Josh laughed. "Ooh, you better be glad Nolan's not here." Ella cut her eyes to Bryan. "What did you say?" He tipped the bill of his hat up with his bottle. "I said I've done more than that to your ass." "You hooked up with Bryan?" Jaime asked, half curious, half disgusted. "I guess I just know him too well." She smiled at him and swatted his leg. Ella nodded, still pissed at herself that she asked him to repeat what he had said loudly enough for everyone to hear. "It was before I started dating Nolan." She turned to him and put on a fake smile. "Guess I can never get those two minutes of my life back." Everyone but Bryan laughed. His eyes bored into her as his grin faded. He looked down at his bottle, slowly turning it in his hands. "Yeah. Well, I enjoyed it. Couldn't pass up the girl who'd received such glowing recommendations from so many guys." "Come on, lighten up man," Josh said, punching him in the shoulder. "It was a joke." "Yeah," Bryan said, turning away from them. "So anyway," Jaime said, scooting closer to her. "How did you and Nolan meet?" Ella watched Bryan carefully from the corner of her eye. "We met in the school library. He bumped into me. We talked for a while and then he asked me out." "Aww, that's so sweet." Jaime leaned her head against Craig's shoulder. "Right," Bryan said. "Nolan in a library." Josh shook his head. "Come on man, will you lay off it?" Bryan leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "You really think he just bumped into you and asked you out without knowing who you were?" She glanced around the table but didn't answer. "Oh, he knew who you were, Ella. You've been the topic of conversation in the locker room quite a bit. Some of the guys were talking about girls who, um...how do I put this gently?" Heat rushed to her face as she kept her eyes on him. He gave her a blank stare. "Girls who like fucking. And surprise, surprise, your name came up. Some stories got traded and that's why Nolan asked you out." No one spoke a word as she continued to stare at Bryan, too ashamed to look at the others. "Am I lying?" he asked, turning to Josh. Josh sipped his beer, but didn't comment. A natural tolerance should have been built up over years of hurt and humiliation she had endured at the hands of others or her dumb decisions. But it hadn't. Every word he spoke was raw and landed like a bullet into her chest. She prayed her face didn't reflect her deflated spirit. She shifted her eyes from Bryan to the crowd of people dancing. Being used for sex had never bothered her if a guy was open about it. She knew what to expect, how to handle the situation and because of that, she had never been blindsided by any false intentions. Until now. Jaime shook her head. "Bryan, you are such a dick. I don't understand why Becca even likes you." He leaned his chair against the wall. "Maybe because I can give her the best two minutes of her life." The sting of tears pierced behind her eyes, but she would rather die than to ever cry in front of Bryan. Or any of them. She would simply play it down like she did everything else that bothered her. She smiled and sipped her water. "Nothing like a little boy's bruised ego." She stood and stretched nonchalantly although her insides trembled. "Smoke break. Be back in a bit," she said, so no one would think his revelation had broken her. "Want company?" Bryan asked. She rolled her eyes. "I'm a big girl. I think I can manage without you." She fought through the crowd to get to the entrance. Outside the cool air washed over her face. Her hands shook as she removed the cigarette pack from her purse. She blinked away a stray tear. "Where is my fucking lighter?" "Those are hazardous to your health." She exhaled and looked up at Bryan. He rested against the wall and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Apparently men are too." She found her lighter and lit the cigarette, inhaling the warm feeling. She closed her eyes and listened to the thumping of the music filtering out into the street. "You okay?" Ella blew smoke in his direction. "Like you care." "Truth hurts," he said, checking out a girl who passed by them. No, lies hurt. People pretending to be one thing, only to find out they were another. Nolan had been the one good thing in her life lately. Now even that had been tainted. She was ready to put the entire night behind her and forget that Nolan and Simon existed. She tossed her cigarette down. "I need a drink." *** The rest of the night had been filled with shots and beer cocktails. Whatever was offered, Ella accepted, self medicating. And even though she despised Bryan, as the night wore on and the alcohol gave her a temporary lobotomy, he became her partner in crime. Whatever he dared her to do struck her as a great idea: giving him a lap dance to "Rude Boy", making out with him, or Jaime or someone. It all flew by in a blur of laughter, music and endless drinks. When they arrived at Nolan's apartment, Ella stumbled out of the car when Bryan opened the door for her, a task she couldn't handle on her own. It took every bit of concentration to place one foot in front of the other because she felt like she had four legs that weren't moving when her brain told them to. "I'm gonna be sick," she managed to say as he helped her into the apartment. "Bathroom." Her head felt like it was expanding and her skull was shrinking. Her stomach rolled over and over again, making her feel every breath would end in vomit. "I'll take you," he said, his lips brushing against her ear. His fingers roamed to the hem of her skirt as he tried to lift it. Her reactions were all delayed as she swatted at his hands, missing them both times. His body propelled them forward, past what she remembered being the bathroom. When she saw Nolan's bed come into focus, she gripped the door frame. "Don't," was all that came out as she pushed her body back against his and clung to the door with whatever strength her tired arms had left. Bryan chuckled. "Come on beautiful, thought you were a big girl." She couldn't tell if her voice worked when she mumbled, "No," but he pried her fingers from the frame and ushered her in, slamming the door behind him. ********** Simon Simon brushed Patricia's hair from her face and kissed her forehead. The action disrupted her light snores for a moment before continuing. Tonight had been a good night for them. He couldn't help but to make the connection that their better days were usually away from Gabriella. He pulled on his green Dartmouth hoodie and headed downstairs to the lobby. It was nearing two in the morning and most of the hotel guests were asleep including his wife. But he was restless. He had no clue where he was going as he walked through the parking lot and down the street, but needed to rid himself of the nervous energy and hundreds of thoughts racing through his head. And with Patricia not around he felt less guilty about those thoughts drifting to Gabriella and how close he had come to screwing up yet again. The light drizzle pattered his face and made everything smell clean again. There were the nights when he wondered if he'd lost his grip on reality. He'd fall asleep with Patricia's sweet scent around him and wake up in a cold sweat as graphic images of Gabriella haunted him. Steven was right. If Gabriella wasn't around, these problems wouldn't exist. Every night could be like tonight. Peaceful. Loving. Happy. Not the jumbled mess their lives were threatening to become, especially since the big blow up between Gabriella and Patricia that had Patricia growing more inquisitive. The light sprinkle turned into heavy raindrops as he ran back to the hotel. Inside, he leaned against the lobby wall and watched the rain glisten from the black asphalt. His father loved weather like this. Said it calmed him down. Growing up, Simon had wished for it to rain more often. He entered their room and crept into bed beside Patricia, careful not to wake her. She was turned on her side, facing away from him. He wrapped an arm around her small waist and pulled her back against his body. Her hair tickled his face, but he welcomed it. The familiar hint of jasmine mixed with hotel soap filled his nose and sent a shock of warmth straight to his heart. If only it could always be this way. Gabriella Ch. 07 Peaceful. Loving. Happy. She shifted and pressed her rear into his groin. Simon ran his hand up her stomach right beneath her heart. "I love you," he whispered, knowing she was too far gone to reply. He shut his eyes and held her close yet he couldn't shake the thought of this all crumbling and him losing Patricia forever. ********** Gabriella Ella kept her eyes on the wall as Bryan dressed behind her. His belt buckle clinked while he fastened it to the front of his jeans. Her black dress formed an uncomfortable band around her waist. She clutched the sheets, hoping they covered her. But she didn't want to bring any unwanted attention to herself for fear that it would create an opening for him to talk. She didn't want to hear anything. She just wanted him to go. Her panties remained twisted and cutting into her skin, but she refused to move until he left. She cringed recalling his grunts after he had pushed aside her flimsy pink panties, a gift from Nolan, and plowed roughly into her. After a few more minutes, the bedroom door opened then closed. She sat slowly up. The ache between her legs was further proof of what had happened. Her hair was twisted within a few bobby pins that kept it from falling to her shoulders. When she was sure Bryan had left, Ella quickly gathered up her things and left. No matter how hard she scrubbed in the shower, the presence of what happened lingered around her. Afterwards, she lay in her bed hoping sleep could help ease the weight of all that led up to what happened. But the silence let too many 'shoulds' and 'if onlys' filter in. She turned on the TV in the living room, hoping for a distraction. Around seven, several channels still showed early morning infomercials. Miracle products. Life transformations. Hope was just a phone call and credit card payment away. Her phone vibrated on the table for the fourth time. Each call had been Nolan. So she wasn't surprised when the doorbell rang half an hour later. But it didn't mean she wanted to see him. Ella took a deep breath and opened the door. He smiled at her. "There you are. I thought you were going to—what's wrong, baby?" "What do you want?" His brows lifted. "What do you mean?" She rolled her eyes and tried to shut the door but Nolan was too fast and too strong. "Whoa, baby, what's wrong? Are you mad at me?" "You're a fucking liar and I'm sick of liars." Ella tried to close the door again, but he held it open. His puzzled expression irritated her. "Ella, what the hell are you talking about? What's going on?" "Let go." "No, not until you tell me what's wrong." He pushed the door open and stepped inside. Ella turned away, when he pulled her to him. "Ella, wait a second. What happened?" "Get your hands off me." "Why?" "I know." "You know what?" "Why you asked me out." "Baby, what are you—" His eyes shifted back and forth over hers as the color drained from his face. He licked his lips and swallowed. "Did someone say something to you?" "Doesn't matter. You can see yourself out." "Ella wait! I...I'm not sure what you heard, but—" She folded her arms across her chest. "You want to know what I heard? That you only asked me out because of what your teammates said about me. Is that true?" His eyes narrowed. "Who told you that?" "Is it true?" Nolan remained silent. "Get out." "Ella—" "Now." "Can I just explain?" "I don't want to hear it." "It's true, alright. But I didn't realize then how special you were." Ella shook her head and walked to her bedroom. "Ella, wait. I was—I was an asshole just trying to fit in before. But everything changed when I met you. " "Why should I believe you?" He reached for her hand. "Because I'm telling you the truth. I'm so ashamed of ever being a part of any of that. And that I've hurt you. I'm so sorry, Ella." She didn't want to trust his words, but his eyes were sincere. "But I never would have asked you to be my girlfriend if I wasn't serious about this. About us. Regardless of how much of an idiot I was in the beginning, I'm crazy about you now." He tilted her chin up. "I've never felt this way about anyone." Ella waited until her voice felt steady enough to speak. "I figured you had heard things about me. But I just wanted this to be different." "It is different, baby. Do you believe me?" She shrugged for fear of her voice betraying her. He kissed her forehead. "I'm so sorry," he said again, before lowering his kisses to her lips. She wrapped her arms around him and felt her feet leave the ground as he walked them to her bed. He gently laid her down and crawled on top of her. He stared at her face as he tugged at her sweatpants. When they were both naked, he rested his body over hers. She froze, then fought the urge to push him away. "If you want me to stop, I'll understand," Nolan whispered over her lips. "It—it's okay," Ella told him but the feeling of powerlessness gnawed at her. She closed her eyes when he ground his hips into her. "Can I be on top?" He smiled. "By all means." Her hesitation and discomfort made her go at a slower pace. Pleasure and pain were written on Nolan's face as she rolled her body over his, gripping and releasing his swollen member, gave her all the proof she needed that he was enjoying this change. He had been so good to her; he deserved a girlfriend who made him happy. After a few minutes, he grit his teeth as his body jerked beneath her. Ella relaxed and braced her hands against his chest, relieved that she had gotten through it. This had to be proof that she would be okay. The hollowness inside her would fade. He placed his hands behind his head. "You are so fucking beautiful, you know that?" Ella smiled shyly. "Thanks." "You are. And like right now, you don't have any makeup on or anything and you look so damn good. I wish I could stay here with you all day." "Me too." He looked at the clock on her nightstand. "Fuck, it's already nine thirty. I have to leave in a little bit, baby." "I know." He yawned. "You know, you can always come with me." "But it's an away game." He grinned. "You sound like it's in another country or something. It's just two hours away. People travel to see us all the time. Girlfriends included. They follow behind the bus." Ella scoffed. "I'm not that kind of girlfriend, Nolan." He laughed. "I know, I know. But if you did, then I could just ride back with you and we could pick up where we left off." He bucked his hips for emphasis. Ella didn't want to be anywhere near Bryan, but the idea of another long day by herself seemed almost less appealing. "And we could leave right after your game?" He nodded. "Just drive my car." She took a breath. "Okay." "Really?" "Yeah. But let's go before I change my mind." *** "Wow, this is what you guys travel in?" Ella asked when they drove into the stadium parking lot. Several players stood outside of a luxurious sleek black and gray bus that resembled the kind rock stars toured in. "Yep, that's Megan." "Megan?" "Yeah, each year we get to name the bus something different. Usually it's some famous girl we collectively think is hot. Last year it was Beyonce. This year Megan, for Megan Fox. Some sick twisted satisfaction having to do with riding. Want a tour?" he asked, pulling her toward the bus. "Oh no, that's okay," she said when she heard Bryan's voice. He stood in a group of guys near the bus. They were all laughing at something he told them. "You sure? It's kinda cool." Ella shook her head. "Maybe next time." "Definitely, baby." He kissed her. "On the bus gentlemen," she heard someone shout from a distance. A tall pale man with grayish hair gestured toward the bus. Nolan had pointed him out as the head coach, but she couldn't remember his name. "Coach Daniels, count 'em in." "Yes sir," a handsome young black man answered sporting a red ball cap. "Alright, you heard the man. On the bus. Move it." Nolan pecked her lips again, lifting her from the ground. "Come on, Casanova, pack it in," Coach Daniels yelled in their direction, his hands resting on his hips. "Coming Coach," Nolan answered back. He kissed her once more before he grabbed his bag and sprinted to the bus. "You're on offense, right?" she called out to him. He turned and rolled his eyes before he grinned and hopped on the bus. Ella kept up with the row of cars that followed behind the bus. She scanned the radio stations, but they were all stuck on annoying DJ chatter or endless commercials. She pressed the CD button and suddenly Rod Stewart's voice filled the car. Ella burst into laughter at the thought of a big guy like Nolan listening to love songs. Many of the songs she didn't know, but she liked them, especially one called "Downtown Train". She had pressed repeat on the song for the third time when the bus made a sharp right and shifted onto an exit ramp. She followed then turned into the gas station with the other cars as the bus came to a stop. The shouting ahead caught her attention. Several people got out of their cars. Ella climbed out of the 4Runner and looked toward the bus where chaos and commotion erupted. The doors flung open and several players rushed off, some laughing and excited, others quiet. Ella felt queasy. The tinted windows barred bystanders from peeking in and none of guys were close enough to ask any questions. She shielded her eyes from the sun and searched for Nolan. Seconds later, Coach Daniels and another player tumbled off the bus, pulling Nolan with them. His gray shirt was ripped and his hair was disheveled as the two men held onto him. He shouted something back into the bus before they jerked him away from the door. "Nolan!" Ella screamed as she rushed toward him. The head coach dragged Bryan from the bus. A thick trail of blood covered his nose and mouth and trickled down onto his white shirt. Redness and swelling surrounded one of his eyes. He said something over the coach's head, which sent Nolan charging toward him. Coach Daniels and another teammate pulled him back in time. "That's enough!" the head coach shouted at Bryan, as he shoved him back. Bryan reluctantly turned and walked away, but Ella noticed his limp. Her stomach dropped to the bottom of her feet. She couldn't move as she watched the tail-end of a brawl between Nolan and Bryan. No matter how she wished it had been about something random, Ella knew deep down, it was about her. Her throat felt rusted shut. Tremors shot through her hands. Nolan turned toward her, his green eyes burned with anger. He pushed both men away from him and ran towards her. "Tell me he's lying!" he shouted, right before Coach Daniels and two other players caught up to him, barring him from getting closer. He yelled over their heads. "Tell me he's lying!" Ella's temples throbbed as tears formed. Others, who had gotten out of their vehicles, were now staring at her. The clichéd words of how she never meant to hurt him and she was sorry rested on the tip of her tongue. But they refused to tumble out, confirming her guilt even more. "Oh, my God!" he yelled. "Is there anyone on that bus you haven't fucked, you slut!" The head coach appeared behind them and yanked Nolan by his collar, ripping his shirt even more. "Knock it off! Nolan Jeffries, you get your ass on that bus right now! You and Bryan are suspended today and you keep testing me, I'll sit your ass for the duration of the season." Nolan stared at her for a moment longer before he turned away, his anger and hurt etched into her memory. The head coach followed behind. "In the back, Jeffries. In front, Saunders. Now!" Bryan spit out blood before he stepped back onto the bus. Coach Daniels turned in her direction and shook his head before he closed the door behind him. The bus drove off, taking with it the long throng of cars. Each onlooker slowed as they passed her. Ella's face burned with shame as she stood rooted in place, still facing the empty spot where Nolan had been. After the crowd was long gone, her humiliation washed away, leaving behind emptiness. Numbness. A feeling she had grown familiar with. A natural armor that kept her sane and protected amongst the stares and gossip whispered behind her back that weren't quite so out of earshot. She had lowered it and trusted too much. The worst part was that she had hurt herself more than any of them ever could. All her bad decisions flashed before her. The rumors in grade school had started because of a poor decision. The fight on the bus today had started because of her decision. Her heart had been cut open and bled dry by Simon because of a random decision she made to get back at him for hiding her cell phone. A fucking phone. Cars came and went while Ella sat in Nolan's car at the gas station. The sun was setting by the time she made the short trip back to the Darby campus. She took off the necklace he'd given her the night before and put it in the glove compartment. ********** Simon It was freezing, past midnight and he was beyond tired from the four hour trip back from Asheville after Patricia's last interview. He hoped she hadn't awoken when he rushed out due to the urgent call he had received. Simon tapped on the glass doors. Eli, the old night security guard who he had been friendly with over the years, walked towards him and opened the doors to Grayson Hall. "At first I was gonna call the police," Eli said as they walked down the corridor. "But when I saw she had got into your office with a key, I thought to myself, 'maybe I should call him first in case this is something he don't want a lot of people knowing about'." "No, it's fine. She's my stepdaughter," Simon interjected to diffuse any possible rumors. His eyebrows shot up. "Oh." Simon had become used to the surprised reaction his interracial family garnered. He thanked Eli and bid him goodnight before he had to explain any further. Outside his office, he heard Gabriella's muffled voice through the door. He quietly turned the knob and cracked the door an inch. She sat on his desk, facing the wall. "No, my birthday was Friday," she said flatly into his office phone. "Thanks. But I called because I was wondering if you could help me out." She paused and listened to the response as she curled the phone cord around her finger. "I was sorta wondering if I could stay with you. Just for a few weeks. I—I promise I won't be a bother and it will only be for a little while. Promise," she repeated before she went silent. Simon racked his brain thinking of who could be on the other end. Gabriella never asked for favors. "You there?" she asked in a small voice. "So..." She listened again before saying, "I know, but I could sleep on the floor. I wouldn't bother your roommates." She waited again for a response. "Just for a week or so Rodney, that's all I'm asking." Rodney. He never would have guessed. Gabriella rarely ever spoke of him and Simon couldn't believe she was actually on the phone with him now. For the most part she acted as though her father didn't exist, a cue she no doubt had taken from him. "No, I'm not going to put them on the phone. I'm speaking to you! I've never asked you for anything, and you know that. I just need your help this one time. I just—" she sniffed. "Please daddy," she sputtered. "Just this one thing and I won't ask for anything else." Her voice cracked as she cradled the phone. Simon's chest tightened at the sound of Gabriella's desperation. After a few moments, she pulled the phone from her ear. He heard Rodney's deep voice on the other end before she hung up. She hated appearing vulnerable in front of anyone, so Simon pushed through the door and closed it loud enough to get her attention. She jumped and turned before she wiped her eyes. "You okay?" Simon asked. "What are you doing here?" "I got a call saying that some girl was breaking into my office. So, now I'll ask you the same question." She looked away. "Listening to you screw my mom all night didn't exactly put me to sleep." Simon cursed under his breath. "Gabriella, I—look, I didn't know—" "It's fine. I get it," she stated in a flat tone. He sat down beside her. "You know, I can always help you with whatever you need. You don't have to go to Rodney unless you want to." "I don't need anything from you. I don't want anything from you." "Why do you turn everything into a fight?" "Because that's what we do. Fighting and fucking. Like now, I bet we can't leave your office without doing one of the two. Or both." "Nope, because I'm going home." "Good for—" "And so are you." "No, I'm not." "I'm not asking." "Well I'm done playing Simon Says." "And I'm done with your bullshit. God, Gabriella, it doesn't have to be like this between us. This all or nothing dance we're constantly doing. We can try to salvage some sort of semi-normal relationship." She leaned back on her elbows. "I don't see a normal relationship in the cards for us." Her chest caught his attention as it rose and fell with every breath. The thin white top she wore did nothing to conceal the hardened nipples beneath. She had mastered the art of being provocative even down to the smallest gesture. It made it easy to overlook what should have been obvious before. Gabriella was a hurt girl. He focused on his lopsided chair. "Last time we were in here, you told me what to say. So tell me now, what can I say to make this okay?" "You would think there was a magic word to erase this past year. What's my mom's magic word...'yes dear'? Well mine are, 'fuck you'. I don't know why it took me this long to realize how cruel you were." "What are you talking about? "You made me feel like it was always my fault when you were with me. That I made your life miserable, only to have you come back to me again and again, making me think a chance existed when—" "Gabriella, I never promised a future for us. Ever." He was tired of this, tired of rehashing the same conversation and getting nowhere. "You didn't have to say it, Simon. It was your actions." Simon shook his head, ready to remind her that sex and sneaking around weren't the foundations for love and commitment but he hesitated. Gabriella had built a fairy tale around them and wanted to believe it was true. Maybe she'd begin to let this go if she had her chance to vent. Her voice cracked as she asked, "Why didn't you leave me alone?" It was a question he'd asked himself again and again, one he could easily ask of her too. "Look at me." Gabriella wiped at her nose and avoided eye contact. "Look at me," he whispered again, lightly gripping her chin and tilting her face to him. Her tears tugged at his conscience. "I can't tell you how many times I've thought about walking out the door and never coming back, hoping that my absence will make things better. But you and your mother are the only people I consider family. There's no one else and I'll be damned if I'm going to give it up without a fight. And that's what I'm trying to do, even though at times I fuck up. At times when I hurt you. When I hurt Patricia. I never meant for this to happen. I'm so sorry," he said, wiping her tears away. "If I could take back everything that happened between us, I would." Tears rolled down her face, and Simon got the feeling he'd said the wrong thing. "Whatever it is you thought we had, it wasn't real. You're too young and caught up to see that now but you'll realize I'm right. You have a whole future in front of you, Gabriella. Sky's the limit. The right guy's out there for you and he'll give you everything you deserve." Gabriella Ch. 08 Gabriella The porcelain sink chilled Ella's scorching skin as she leaned against it and splashed water onto her face. She was burning from the inside out. A sharp pain gathered behind her eyes and rushed to the back of her head causing her to sway for a moment. Her hands balled into fists before she shook them out and repeated. Anything to halt the tremble that had taken them over from the moment she tossed the glass at Simon. The shatter still echoed in her mind before she went numb. Ella inspected her reflection. Her face appeared drained of color and her bone straight hair slightly waved around her forehead and temple as a result of sweat. The eyes staring back at her belonged to a stranger. Sunken exhausted eyes, only familiar by the hazel hue, a shade darker than her mothers. Barely twenty and she felt as worn down as a woman three times her age who had experienced a full life. The whoosh of flushing behind her reminded Ella that she was in a McDonald's restroom. A mother and a little girl in an Elmo shirt and two pigtails emerged from the stall. The mother lifted the toddler to the sink, and her eyes widened as she became mesmerized with automatic liquid soap dispenser. Ella kept her eyes on them through the mirror. The mother's hands enveloped her child's while she cleaned them. When they left, she splashed more water onto her face. She looked back in the mirror hoping the image had changed, but it hadn't. She flicked water from her hands at her reflection, blurring herself. In the dining area kids were screaming and running around. And old couple sat in the corner scowling at the Play Place. Ella rubbed her temples as she approached the counter. "Can I get a medium drink?" "That's it?" the cashier asked. He was cute, around her age and looked to be of Hispanic descent with a slight accent. He twirled the cup in his hand before setting it in front of her. She hadn't thought much about money and the cab driver had half of it, mostly because he circled around waiting for her to give him an address. When she left the house, she had no clear plan of where she would end up, only that she needed to leave. Things were getting worse with her being there. It could be due to her fever or just her conversation with Simon the night before, but when he entered the kitchen and kissed her mom, for the first time she saw what they could have were it not for her. He was fighting for her mom, not her. She held the button while the Coke dispensed into her cup. She looked behind her when she heard someone hiss. The guy from the counter waved for her to come back over. She stuck a straw through the lid and walked up to him. He slid a tray with a large order of fries and a Big Mac toward her. "Your order," he said with a wink. Ella's stomach growled on cue. "Thank you." "Welcome. Now smile, pretty girl." She tried unsuccessfully to bite her lip before a smile broke through. In the back of the dining area, she nibbled on fries and scrolled through the address book on her phone. She hadn't lived her life in a way that presented many people to turn to in a time of need. The first name was Steven Ashbury. She hadn't seen him since she spent the night and she wasn't sure he would be able to help her now due to his fight with Simon. She waited to feel some sort of emotion when she deleted her father's number, but nothing came. Even though they were related, he was no different than any other Foster who shared her last name in a phone book. Next, she paused over Simon's number. Those seven digits were etched into her brain. She had dialed them more than anyone else's. And sometimes when she knew he was alone, she would call just to hear his voice. "Boo!" Ella jumped and spilled half her drink onto her tray. A small freckled faced boy stood beside her, smiling from ear to ear. His mother called him and he was gone almost as if he had been a ghost. She turned away from his retreating figure and watched the kids running in and out of the play area, laughing and shouting as they slid down slides and tossed plastic balls at each other. She closed her eyes and rested her head on the table as she listened to the joyful sounds around her. ********** Simon Rain pelted Simon's car, pouring down like hard balls of hail while he sat in the driveway of his home. Through the windshield the house that should have been a sanctuary for his family blurred and resembled an abstract painting, but his eyes barely registered it. Snapshots and images of that morning played over and over in his head, until his mind drifted above the scene and watched it unfold in front of him. He couldn't recall the last time fury had scorched his senses so quickly that he leapt before he thought. But it was fleeting when he saw the shocked, scared expressions on Patricia and Gabriella's faces. Faces that mirrored his mother's. It was all falling apart. The cracks were transforming into craters and the secrets were pushing through the surface. He had failed his family. Again. He got out and leaned against the car, letting the rain baptize his outer shell praying it would wash away the man he was and leave behind a better one. Maybe he could find the same serenity in these storms that his father had. He hoped for peace to engulf him, but nothing came. There was only the crackle of thunder in the distance making him stress about Gabriella's whereabouts even more. She was nowhere to be found. Her usual "cool down" spots, Lake Torrance and his office, showed no signs of her. He had even driven to Nolan's apartment, but the lights were out and no one answered the door. She didn't want to be found. At least not by him like she had in the past. He walked up the driveway like a zombie, into the house, down the hall and quietly opened their bedroom door. Patricia was curled up on the bed asleep, her tiny fingers wrapped around the phone. She had been quiet when he left the house to look for Gabriella. She wouldn't look at him. He wondered what she thought of him. Did he appear to her as much a stranger as he did to himself? If she awoke now and looked at him, what would she see? Her husband? The man that drove away her daughter? He didn't want to stay to find out. He didn't want to disturb what little peace she'd found on this God awful night. In the shower, he closed his eyes under the stream of hot water. He braced his arms on the tile in front of him as the water rained down onto his neck and back. Every limb on his body felt heavy. The water felt as though it weighed a ton and his muscles ached under the weight of it. But he refused to move from its path until he took the well deserved battering it delivered. Once the ache had vanished, leaving nothing but numbness in its wake, he shut the water off and stumbled out of the shower. He slid on a pair of boxers and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. She was still in the same position although the phone had slipped from her hand and rested against her stomach. The bed dwarfed her frame, making everything about her seem so small. So fragile. Again he was struck by the familiar need to hold her, to be her rock. He was tempted to wake her and let her know that he was here, that he was still the man she loved and trusted. Protecting her from the outside world had come so easy to him before all this. But it never occurred to him that he could be more lethal to her spirit than anything out there. It never occurred to him that what she really needed protection from, was him. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. He fought the urge to touch her gently, squeezed his eyelids shut to halt the burning sensation of his tears, and slowly came to his feet. He quietly tiptoed out of the bedroom and made his way to the kitchen. Glass was still scattered on the floor, forgotten in the aftermath of the fight. That and Gabriella's absence were the only signs that their world had been turned upside down. He swept up the small slithers of glass, the swish of the broom mingling with vivid recollections of the fight. He dumped the fragments into the trash while their voices haunted him. He heard Gabriella crying and Patricia screaming for him to stop. Simon dropped the dustpan and slid to the floor. He knocked his head against the cabinet door three times, hoping the last one would clear his mind. But it only left him with a mild headache. He dialed Gabriella's number again. It went straight to voicemail. "It's me again. I just want to know if you're okay. Gabriella, I...please call me." He shut his phone and rested his head against the cabinet. Evening slipped into darkness, and he ached for rest, but he didn't move. He remained an untouched statue on the kitchen floor, moving every so often to dial Gabriella's number again. ********** Gabriella Ella took a deep breath when the black 4Runner pulled into the McDonald's parking lot. Rick, her Big Mac benefactor, let her stay inside the dining area past closing due to the storm. But now that the lights from Nolan's SUV were blinding her, she wasn't so sure she had done the right thing. She couldn't make out his face, but over the phone, he hadn't said more than two words to her when she asked if he could pick her up. She grabbed her bags and walked outside. The strong rain and wind whipped around her. She cursed when she stepped into a puddle before reaching his car. "Thank you," she whispered when she sat down in the passenger seat. He didn't look at her as he backed out of the parking space. "Just tell me where I'm taking you." Ella had hoped she could talk to him and stall a bit until she knew the answer to his question, but his clipped tone was less conversational. He reached the edge of the parking lot and waited. His wrist dangled over the steering wheel while he ran his other hand through his hair. "Where am I going?" Ella squeezed the strap on her seatbelt. "I don't really have any place particular in mind." He stared out the driver's side window with the engine idling. The windshield wipers swished back and forth creating a sense of urgency. "Maybe I could stay with you just for tonight and we can discuss—" "You've got to be kidding me." He cocked his head to the side as his eyebrows gathered. "You fuck my best friend and I'm supposed to take you in? Are you crazy?" Ella shook her head. Diving into the events of that night would open up more questions than letting it go, but she knew he deserved an explanation. "Nolan, I didn't—" "Didn't what? Didn't sleep with him?" Nolan's eyes looked hopeful for a second as the stoplight turned green. The car behind honked, but his eyes remained glued to her. "I mean, I didn't—the lights green." "Didn't what?" His eyes remained on her. The car beeped again before it sped around them. The light flashed from yellow back to red. "Can we talk at your place?" "No. We can talk now. Didn't what?" he asked again. Ella's throat constricted and her mouth went dry. Images of Bryan cut her eyes making them tear up. "I didn't—he forced me," she choked out. She couldn't bear to look at Nolan. Several seconds passed. When he said nothing, she glanced at him. The light turned again and the green reflected off his face. His jaws clenched. More time passed before he said anything. "Why would you say that?" Ella wasn't sure what he meant. He shook his head and stepped on the gas. "Just tell me where I need to take you." She stared at his profile. "You don't believe me." She wasn't sure if she meant it as a statement or question, but she tried to hide her shock. "No, I don't believe you." "Why would I lie about something like that?" "Some girls do." "Well I'm not 'some girl'. I'm not lying to you. Whatever Bryan told you—" "This isn't just about Bryan's word! Josh said you were all over Bryan at that club. That you gave him a lap dance and made out with him. That his hands were all over you when you left together. And now you want me to believe that he raped you after you basically dry fucked him in a club in front of everyone?" He scoffed. "You must think I'm dumb, huh? Like I don't know how you get." "What does that mean?" She tried to remove the hurt from her voice. "Don't play innocent. You know what I mean," he said. She could see him pause for a moment, but his new persona won out and he made his meaning clear. "Even with me you were a fucking nymphomaniac most of the time, and now you get caught and want to blame it all on him." "I can't believe...Nolan, he held me—" "Bryan has girls chasing him left and right. He doesn't have to do something like that." Ella faced forward as she tried to swallow the large lump in her throat. This had been her fear from the beginning, and if her own boyfriend didn't believe her, she had no hope in anyone else believing it. "Just tell me you weren't doing those things," he said in a softer tone. "Tell me Josh is lying and I'll believe you." She didn't move. "That's what I thought," he said. He pulled the car over. "I have class at nine, so I need to know where to drop you off. I just want to be done with you." Ella pushed open the door and got out. The rain soaked her as she tried to pull her bags from the backseat but the door was still locked. She ignored Nolan when he got out and walked around to her. "I just want to get my stuff and then I'm leaving." "Where will you go?" "None of your fucking business! Unlock the door!" He leaned against the car and stared down at her. "Ella, what am I supposed to think?" "Think what you want. I don't really give a shit." "So now it's my fault?" "I just want my stuff and I'll be out of your way." The cold droplets felt good against her burning skin. Nolan sighed and opened the passenger door. "Get in." She wanted to fight. She wanted to walk away. But she was too drained of energy. She folded her arms and stood defiant, even though she knew she had exhausted all other ideas for a place to go. "Get in," he repeated. Softer this time, almost like he was his old self again. Like he cared what happened to her, thought she was worth protecting. She didn't look at him as she sat down in the car. She couldn't meet his eyes and see that worse than hating her, he pitied her too. The familiar ride into town gave her too much time to think. She watched the dark windows of the shops go by. Everything was quiet. Everyone was asleep and where they belonged. Everyone except her. She pushed away the thought of Simon and her mother quietly resting in their bed, already noticing how much better life was without her. She doubted she'd get the same kind of rest, but her body couldn't help but relax when they pulled up to Nolan's apartment. She really was exhausted. He turned the engine off and they sat in silence. Her eyes remained focused on the marble fountain. He was quiet for what seemed like forever. He seemed to be waiting for her to say something, waiting to say something himself. But she was all out of things to say. She gripped the door handle when he finally spoke. "I really liked you," he whispered. She was glad she couldn't see his face, but it didn't stop her from hearing the hurt in his voice. "I thought what we had was special. I thought..." She turned to him, wanting to speak, but she knew he didn't want to hear. He got out and slammed the door. 'It was special,' she wanted to call out to him. But instead she remained silent and followed behind. Inside, Nolan's strong cologne scented the air. He tossed his keys onto the counter and removed his shirt as he walked to the back. The slam of his bedroom door caused her to jump. Ella clutched her bag to her chest and sat down on the couch. Her mouth was dry and her head felt heavy as it fell against the back of the sofa. So many events had taken place that she had forgotten how sick she had become. Cold beads of sweat clung to her brow. Her mind warred over her feelings for Nolan. She was grateful that she had a place to stay tonight, but wounded by his words and disbelief. It had taken her inebriated mind a few moments to grasp what was happening to her, but in the haze of her being pushed back onto the bed and Bryan climbing on top of her, she realized something was wrong. This was not the guy she wanted to be with. This was not what she wanted. She pushed at him and told him no, but his grip was powerful as he pressed her wrists above her head and inched his jeans down to his thighs with his other hand. But it was his smirk that dug its way into the pit of her stomach. It remained plastered on his face the whole time he had hurt her. She opened her eyes to rid herself of the upsetting images that burned themselves deeper into her mind. A ticking Cannabis leaf shaped clock on the far wall mocked her as it counted down the hours to when she would have to leave. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The taunting rhythm kept her awake for several hours. Her mind couldn't rest. She walked to the bathroom in the hallway and closed the door. In the shower, the lukewarm water rolled down her body emitting shivers from her. But the cool water was a welcome change to the burning her skin had felt earlier. She reluctantly stepped out and wrapped a towel around her body. She reached for the door when it pushed forward and Nolan appeared in the doorway rubbing his eyes. It took him a moment to focus as he stared at her. Then his eyes lowered down her body. He was wearing only navy blue boxers. She took in his tall, slightly pale but muscular frame. His eyes connected with hers again. "What happened at home?" She immediately went on the defensive. "Do you care?" "I asked, didn't I?" Ella stared at him for a few moments. "It's just not a good idea for me to live there anymore." He narrowed his eyes. "Maybe Bryan will take you in." The instant the words left his mouth, his expression changed from smug to ashamed. "Shit, I ..." She held his gaze. "...didn't mean that—" "I need to get dressed." He nodded and turned to walk away. For a moment he paused. Perhaps he was going to apologize, or maybe he was going to take it back and say he meant every word. Ella didn't give him the chance to speak. She was already slamming the door on him, his words, and this awful night. ********** Patricia Patricia sat up in bed. Her head throbbed and her body ached. Outside the harsh pitch black indicated it was night, though the actual time of day seemed to escape her. Not that she cared. Through the dark, she ran her hand over where Simon slept and felt just the sheets. She pulled her legs up and rested her chin on her knees. Her ears strained to hear if Simon was moving around. Maybe Ella was back. But she heard nothing. Only headlights lit up the window as a car passed by. She didn't bother turning on lights as she walked through the house. Only a small speckle of light down the hall caught her attention. In the living room, Simon was sitting on the couch with his head back. She realized he was asleep as she drew closer. His phone rested in his hands. She gently pulled it from him and checked his missed calls. There were none. She went to set it back beside him, when she stopped. The urge to snoop would eventually go away, but right now it hadn't. She scrolled through his dialed calls, mostly to her, Steven, a few to the school and the last six which were placed today, all to Ella. She quickly checked his received calls and came up with the same result, minus a call or two from Pete, Tek and a few of his other friends. No Sarah. There was an unknown number, but it was a New York area code. She hoped it was just some old friend from high school. Then she got caught by a pang of guilt. Her daughter was out there somewhere, and she still couldn't help but let her thoughts roam towards the infamous Sarah. Gabriella Ch. 08 Without thinking her eyes shifted back to him, and his blue eyes were open and watching her closely. She quickly closed the phone and handed it to him. "I—I was just checking to see if Ella had called you." He nodded and placed the phone on the coffee table. Patricia sat down beside him and rubbed her face. "Did you sleep okay?" he asked. "No. My back hurts." He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "I can massage it for you." "No. I'm fine." Patricia stared out at the TV. "Do you think she's at Nolan's?" "Maybe, but the lights were out at his place when I drove by." "Where else would she go?" Simon placed his hands atop his head. "I don't know. I searched everywhere I know of." Silence shrouded the room. Patricia knew they were both deep into their own thoughts. She still couldn't shake the memories from earlier that evening. Their battles had escalated into heated arguments that ended in screaming and doors slamming, but never what she had witnessed today. Never Simon being rough. Never Ella crying and trying to pull away from him. At least as far as she knew. "Patricia?" It took her a moment to look in his direction, but when she did his eyes were soft and worried. "I am so sorry. I never meant..." He turned from her and rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He let out a frustrated groan. He wanted her to forgive him. It would have been so easy to slide closer to him and wrap her arms around his neck and whisper that she loved him and everything would be okay. But her body wouldn't budge. Even as her mind registered that her husband was hurting, she still couldn't comfort him. It would have felt forced if she did. So instead, she stood. "I'm going for a drive to clear my head. Don't wait up." Patricia didn't stop to gauge his reaction as she moved to the counter to retrieve her keys. Her hair was a tangled mess and she had yet to change out of her clothes from earlier that day, but she didn't give it another thought as she walked out the door. She drove in circles and like most quaint towns, everything had shut down hours ago. The clock on the dashboard flashed 2:37 am. She had to be at work in six hours. And although she had already slept, her body still held her in a captive state of tiredness. She drove closer to the city where she worked and straight into the Days Inn parking lot. Many regrets washed over her as she considered her old fallback when the world didn't make sense. This was the escape she had used time and time again before she met Simon. The room was a far cry from the one she had in Asheville that kept her from Ella's birthday. And the bed was hard with an unusual smell. A mysterious brown stain covered the bottom of the curtains and the TV remote had no batteries. But for forty-five bucks, she couldn't complain. And all she ever needed when the world didn't make sense was four walls to shut everything out. She sat on the edge of the bed and thought about her mother. How miserable she had been for most of Patricia's life, until she died. Patricia had carried the emotional scars into adulthood, but thought she had buried them deep down to protect Ella. But the same misery that plagued her and her mother, plagued her daughter. Three generations of unhappy women. Maybe Ella could break the cycle when she had a daughter, but at the rate she was going, it didn't seem likely. A tear slid down her face. At first one, then several more dropped until she couldn't breathe. She fell back against the mattress and sobbed aloud. She held her hand over her mouth so not to wake anyone, but she felt like her heart was literally breaking. Crumbling and cutting her insides with every breath. She hiccupped and tried to calm her breaths when her cell phone rang. She emptied her purse onto the bed, hoping it was Ella. "Hello?" she said quickly, wiping at her face. "Are you okay?" Simon asked. "Did Ella call?" "No. Where are you?" She paused, trying to gather her breath and her words. "I decided to get a room for the night." She waited for several seconds for him to speak, but he said nothing. "I'll be fine." Still nothing. "Simon?" "I'm here," he said in a low whisper. His voice was shaky and she couldn't tell if he was just upset or if he had actually started to cry. She had never seen him shed a tear before, but she had also never seen this angry side of him before today either. "It's just for tonight." She felt the need to reassure him. Maybe reassure herself. "Okay." Guilt surged in her. He sounded so defeated. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. God help her, she missed him already. Ever since he'd wandered back into her life, it was in his arms where she sought solace from the craziness. Whether Ella hated her or Sam was threatening to fire her, Simon had been there to make it all better. His kisses. His hugs. His smile. She hoped Ella would come home. She hoped Simon really could fix this like he swore he would. "I'll see you tomorrow. And please call me if you hear from Ella. Goodnight." She hung up before he could say anything further. *** "I don't understand why this is so difficult for you, Patricia." Sam stood by her desk with his hands on his round hips. "I'm sorry, I have the reports here somewhere," she said, sifting through her bag. But she knew she didn't. They were sitting at home on her nightstand where she had left them. The last thing her mind had been focused on was the surveys conducted in Asheville, Clemmon's Communication or Sam Banesfield. "Okay, well take all the time you need. It's not like I'm busy or anything." He tapped his foot. Patricia closed her eyes and thought of the consequences if she stabbed him in the leg with her letter opener. "I think I might have left them at home. But I live close by, so I can have them in just a few minutes." Sam shook his head and stalked into his office before slamming the door. She rubbed her temples. His door opened and he leaned out. "At least you can be somewhat useful and get me a Diet Coke. That is, if you don't have to get one from your house." The door to his office closed again. The door to her anger was a different story. That was wide open now. Adrenaline coursed through her veins as she pushed her chair back. She jerked the soft drink from the mini fridge and stormed over to his office. She pushed the door open without knocking, something she had never done before. Once inside, she slammed it back with all her might. Sam dropped the receiver to the phone as his eyes widened. "What the—" "You are a miserable sad excuse for a human being!" She threw the can at Sam. He missed it and it crashed into the files on the cabinet behind him, sending beige folders fluttering everywhere. "You can take that Diet Coke and shove it up your ass because I quit, you prick." His face drained to an even paler shade of white before she turned on her heels and marched out. All of the women in the cubicles looked up at her, some smiling, others in shock. She gathered up her few belongings before Sam got the privilege of having security escort her out. Outside, she could finally breathe. The air felt different as it passed through her hair. She felt uplifted...before dread set it in. What the hell had she just done? She began to panic as she made her way to her car. If she was going to pass out or suffer an anxiety attack, she would rather not do it on the front steps of Clemmon's. Before she could get to her car, she heard someone yelling behind her. "Wait, wait!" Patricia tossed her things into the backseat before she turned to Myra. Myra was out of breath and leaned over on her knees. "Just hold on a second. Did you tell that asshole to go fuck himself?" "Not quite in those words." "Oh my God. I'm sorry I missed that," she said smiling when she finally caught her breath. "I shouldn't have done that." "Yes you should have. I've been telling you that for years. Working for a sadist can wear on you and you've managed to stay with that tyrant longer than most." "I can't afford to quit," Patricia said, more to herself than Myra. "Crap, what did I just do? I think I'm hyperventilating. Do you have a paper bag?" Myra grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Snap out of it. Everything is going to be okay. Go home and get some r and r. Worry about all of this shit tomorrow, not today. Today you're a free woman. Go buy some shoes and chocolate. Celebrate." "I'm not in much of a celebratory mood." "Patricia, you're killing my high here. You did the right thing." Patricia never cared for gossip and especially divulging her own personal business, but she needed to confide in someone, and Myra knew more than most about her life. "Ella left." "What do you mean 'she left'?" "She moved out. Or at least I think she did. I really don't know." "When? What happened?" "Yesterday morning. Everything just exploded. I'm still confused." Myra folded her arms across her chest. "Is this about Simon?" "It was awful. They got into a huge fight." Myra's body jerked. "He hit her?" Her voice cracked. "No. No, he didn't do that. They got into an argument, she threw a glass at him, which could have really injured him had it connected, and then he chased her to her room and started shaking her. I swear, he just lost it and wouldn't let go of her." Tears began to well up. "It was so bad, Myra," she said as she wiped her face. "I couldn't even stay there last night. I stayed at a hotel." "You know you can come to my place and stay as long as you need. You and Ella." "Thank you." Myra stared at her. Patricia knew that look. Her friend was gearing up to give her a mouth full. "I hate that it happened, but maybe there can be some good out of it. I mean, Simon and Ella should take a break from each other. They never appeared to have the healthiest relationship if you ask me." "Well, I didn't ask you," Patricia snapped. Myra's eyes narrowed, but Patricia was tired of this song and dance. "Look, aside from a few setbacks these past few months, Ella has improved tremendously since Simon has been in our lives. I mean, he's the only reason she's in school. God knows I wouldn't have been able to get her there." Myra didn't look convinced. "I know you never liked him and you have even less reason to now because of him cheating and this fight with Ella. But he's not a bad guy. I would have lost Ella a long time ago had it not been for him." "Do you defend him like this when she complains about him?" Patricia's eyes narrowed. "I know what you're getting at, and no, I don't put him above her. And she also never complained about him." "Okay, okay. I won't judge...even though I really want to. And I know you've been through a lot, so again, just know that you have a place to come if things aren't working out, okay?" Patricia gave a small smile. "Okay." Myra reached over and hugged her. "You're still my hero today for telling Sam to kiss your ass." "I didn't say it like that." "Sshh, let me keep my fantasy." Patricia laughed. A real honest laugh before she burst into a blubbering mass of tears. ********** Gabriella Ella held tight to her tray as she searched for an open seat in the dining hall. Several students were huddled in groups at different tables. It was more packed than she had anticipated and when a few students turned toward her as she scanned the room, she wondered if she'd made a mistake. It didn't take long for gossip to spread through their small campus with the entire Darby Devil football team, along with family and friends witnessing the fight and accusation from Nolan. She was sure there were juicy rumors spreading like wildfire. Nolan was gone before she woke that morning. Not that she had expected a ride to school, but she had wanted to get out of his way, not the other way around. She'd quickly showered again and packed her things, just in case he hadn't wanted to extend his generosity into tonight. Before she left, she crept into his room. His bed wasn't made, but it brought back a barrage of emotions. He had changed the sheets. She knew because these were gray, and she had held onto his old navy blue ones like a lifeboat as she cocooned her naked body and waited for Bryan to leave. She passed by a table with several lacrosse players, including Kyle McDaniel, captain of the lacrosse team. He was a pain in the ass that shared Simon's Ancient History class with her. She felt his eyes, all their eyes on her. When she glanced again, she saw a blonde player whisper something to Kyle, but his brown eyes never left her. The rain had drenched the benches outdoors, driving most of Darby into the dining hall. But she'd rather have a soggy butt than sit in there. She saw a table that was semi dry underneath a tree, but it had an occupant. Cory. He was immersed in a book when she approached. "Mind if I sit here?" "What?" he asked, his face still in his book. "The other benches are wet, so can I share with you?" He breathed heavily before looking up at her. For a second, she debated just trying to find an empty classroom, but his eyes softened when they connected with hers. "Oh. Sure." He slid down. "Thanks." He went back to his book and Ella picked at her sandwich. "Is that good?" she asked, pointing at his book. Cory scratched his head. "Not really. His research on stem cells is rudimentary at best and half of his facts aren't well-substantiated. The other half is basically a regurgitated article that was in the New England Journal of Medicine about fourteen years ago." Ella had no clue what he was talking about, but she nodded. "Is yours good?" He motioned to her plate. Ella shrugged. "Not really. The meat in the meatloaf is rudimentary at best. And it tastes like something someone already regurgitated from last week." Cory smiled. But it faded and he stiffened as his eyes shifted behind her. "Hey Ella." Ella glanced over her shoulder right as Kyle reached her side. His eyes moved to Cory. "You done?" "Well, no, not really," Cory said. "Yeah, you are." Kyle jerked the book from his hands and tossed it onto another table where it splashed in a puddle. Ella looked back and forth between Cory and Kyle. Cory sighed and adjusted his glasses. He squeezed past Kyle and picked his book up, shaking off the water as he walked away. She understood Cory's hesitation to do anything. Kyle was a big guy and word around campus was that lacrosse players were insane. "That was rude," she said when Cory was out of earshot. "He'll get over it." Kyle straddled the bench, his knees almost touching hers. In the distance, Ella watched a large crowd as they entered the cafeteria. Nolan was at the tail end of the group. He glanced over toward her and stopped, causing the guy behind him to run into the back of him. Nolan continued to stare until the guy behind grabbed his shoulders and shook him in a playful manner, pushing him forward. Ella could feel Kyle's eyes on her, and then following her gaze to Nolan. "I heard that you weren't with him anymore. That true?" She nodded absently, then turned back to her stale lunch. "Well that just breaks my heart," he said with a smile. "What do you want?" Outside of an occasional eye-fuck, Kyle had never uttered more than two words to her. Kyle rubbed her leg with his finger. "I want to hang out with you sometime." Ella scooted away and stared at him in disgust. She had dealt with guys like him since puberty hit. "Go away." He chuckled. "Why?" "Because I have nothing to say to you." He slid closer to her, locking her between his body and the tree. "Okay. We don't have to talk." He gripped her thigh right before she pushed him as hard as she could. She went to stand, but with no space to maneuver, her foot clipped the table and she fell backwards onto the ground. "Shit, are you okay?" Kyle asked, a smirk toying with the corner of his mouth as he stood and grabbed her hands to pull her up. Ella jerked away from him and got to her knees. But before she could get to her feet, Kyle skidded backwards as he almost fell. She turned in time to see Nolan. "What the fuck did you do to her?" he yelled. Before Ella could respond, a crowd quickly gathered, pushing her out of the way. Kyle straightened up and charged forward pushing Nolan back. But before the fight could ensue, both Nolan and Kyle were held back by friends. "Watch it, Jeffries," Kyle shouted over a guy's head. "I'm not that bitch, Bryan. I'll kick your ass!" Nolan pushed at the guys around him. "I wish you would try." "Nolan, don't," Ella said as she approached. "It was an accident." He refused to look at her as he stared Kyle down. She grabbed his hand but he jerked away and stood his ground until another guy tugged him back. "Yeah, Nolan, you should listen to your girl," a short guy standing beside Kyle shouted out. Kyle chuckled. "Don't confuse him, Chad. It's not his girl, it's just his turn." A chorus of "oohs" sounded before Nolan jerked loose from his captors and plowed into Kyle. They both hit the ground with a thud. Ella screamed as fist went flying and she lost visual as all the guys huddled around and shouted. "Nolan!" She tried to wiggle through when someone grabbed her and held her back. She couldn't see what was happening, but two guys yanked Nolan backwards. When they were separated, Kyle and Nolan stared at each other, both breathing hard. One with a bloody nose, the other with a bloody mouth and both with various cuts and torn clothing smeared with muddy grass stains. "Rent-a-cops alert!" someone shouted from the back, and the crowd dispersed. Nolan took off toward the parking lot, his strides no match for Ella to keep up. "Nolan, wait!" "I am so fucking done!!" "Nothing was—" He whipped around and she almost ran into him. "Do you know what everyone is saying?" Ella winced at the amount of blood that stained his teeth. He spit out a thick red glob and it splattered onto the pavement. "That my girlfriend spent her birthday getting tag-teamed by my so-called friends." A sour feeling rolled from her stomach and up her throat as her eyes began to well. She wanted to vomit. For a moment, she had no reply as she tried to hide her shock. "Who said that?" "Everyone! They all know that you fucked Josh that night too." "That's a lie! I don't know why the hell people are saying that, but it's not true." He shook his head and fished his keys from his pocket. "Gee, Ella, I don't know why someone would say that about you either." Ella gave a frantic laugh. "Oh my God, I can't believe you would think that. I never slept with Josh." "Oh that's right...just Bryan. Now I feel so much better." "I told you what happened with him!" She shoved at his chest, causing him to stumble back a step. "Why are you being such an asshole to me?" "Because you're acting like a bitch in heat who can't keep her legs closed." Ella smashed her open palm on the side of Nolan's face with as much force as she could muster. The loud slap snapped several heads in their direction. His face reddened and his nostrils flared as he kept his pissed off gaze leveled on her. "Nice to know what you really think about me, Nolan. And now I'm glad to know that you were never worth my time. Don't bother talking to me again." She turned and walked away. She refused to cry, even as his called out her name. ********** Simon Simon stared at his computer screen. Foster, Gabriella Leigh -- WF He refreshed the page three times with the hope that it was a mistake. But nothing changed. With only a month and a half left, she was withdrawing and accepting an F. Gabriella Ch. 08 He was already late for their class together, but he couldn't stop reading over the words. He needed to talk to her, let her know that she didn't have to take these drastic measures. At first he panicked thinking she had dropped out of school. But when he checked her full schedule, no changes had been made to her other classes. Just his. Simon leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. He kept telling himself that each day would get better, when in fact they kept getting worse. Patricia hadn't uttered more than two words to him and he had no clue of Gabriella's whereabouts. She could probably go the rest of her life without ever talking to them again...something Patricia would never forgive him for. Something he wouldn't forgive himself for. He walked into the empty lecture room and sighed. Fifteen minutes late and students bail. The only one who was still seated was Cory. He was reading over the text. Again. Cory looked up. "Hey, Professor Graham." Simon dropped his briefcase and sat on top of the desk. "Hey. Why didn't you leave?" "Finals are coming up soon." "I know, but I can't teach the class now." Cory shrugged. "I like being in class." Simon had too, once. Now it felt like there was nothing left to learn. History had already been played out. There wasn't the gut churning anticipation of the present, and the future was a big scary blur. "Well since we're both here, is there anything in particular you want me to go over again?" "Well..." Cory hurriedly flipped through his notebook. "There was one thing." Simon stared down at the braniac. He wasn't a bad looking kid, if he updated his glasses. Maybe a haircut to keep his floppy brown curls out of his eyes, and he could definitely stand to gain a few pounds underneath his buttoned up plaid shirt and khaki pants. "Cory?" He looked up. "Yes?" "You do know that you'll pass the final, right? I'm guessing with no less than an A plus." Cory grinned. "I guess so. I just like to be fully prepared." "What subject do you enjoy the most?" "Well, the one I find most interesting is science," he answered. "Although I'm really enjoying history now because of the way you teach." "Thanks. How do I rate as a professor? Average, above...below?" Cory leaned back in his chair and pushed his glasses up. "Well, there are a lot of things to consider. Lots of different points to take in to give you an overall rating." Simon folded his arms across his chest. He hadn't expected it to be so detailed, but he should have known Cory would make it such. He was ready to hear the truth. He felt like a lousy husband and stepfather, so might as well add in awful teacher to round out the list. "Alright, let me have it." "Your syllabus could definitely use some work. It doesn't explain much and we've had fewer quizzes than you listed, which throws off the grading percentage. So for that, I can only give you average. But your teaching method is much different and rather enjoyable compared to all of the other professors I've had. You make class entertaining and you limit the amount of mindless eighties educational videos we're forced to watch. You keep the students engaged, which I must admit is hard to do, so you are above average in that respect. Not to mention you get extra points for being the "coolest" professor on campus. A lot of girls like you, or at least that's my understanding." "So your tally is..." "Well, I would definitely give you an A as a Darby professor taking into account all those things. And your PhD from Dartmouth definitely shines through in your vast knowledge of history." "But?" "But I would have to give you an A minus total because you seem distracted some days." "Sorry. My mind tends to drift lately." "And eyes," Cory said as he marked a page in orange highlighter. "Come again?" "You look at Ella Foster a lot. It's quite noticeable." The hair on Simon's arms moved. "I—" "I get it. I think she's pretty too." Cory kept flipping pages, making Simon wonder if he could read and talk at the same time. Usually in an uncomfortable moment like this, Simon would have defended himself. Mentioned Gabriella was just his stepdaughter and he was keeping an eye on her. But there was no point. He would only be telling a half truth. "So overall, I'm good, although I could be better with less distraction." "Correct." "I'll keep that in mind." He removed his lesson planner from his briefcase. "So, did you find what it is you wanted me to explain further?" "Yep. I wanted to go over Cambyses II invasion at Pelusium during the Late Period. I think the text is misleading." He quickly scanned over the highlighted sentences. Simon sighed and pulled up a chair. ********** Patricia Patricia slowly brushed her teeth back and forth as her eyes followed Simon's every move reflected from the mirror. He had carefully applied shaving cream to his five o'clock shadow and slid the razor along his jaw. She watched as droplets from his freshly washed hair rolled down his tanned skin, stopping at the towel wrapped securely around his hips. In the past, the view of his physical attributes was enough to drench her panties, but now it was a sharp reminder of his strength. Of the morning he transformed right before her eyes into a man she'd never seen before. Their late night rituals before bed used to be full of laughter or meaningful conversations about their future. Now in the small tight space of their bathroom lay a canyon. An awkward silence had now become the placeholder for laughter and conversation. "I quit my job today." His eyes caught hers in the reflection but she lowered them as she spit out the toothpaste. "Don't worry, I'm going to start looking tomorrow," she quickly added. "I'm not upset about that. Take your time." "I'll start tomorrow." She turned and walked into the bedroom. He sighed and followed behind. They pulled back the covers at the same time and crawled into bed. Simon mumbled goodnight and Patricia pulled the covers securely around her neck as she slid to the far edge of the bed. Hours passed as she watched the light of the moon create shapes on the wall. Her body ached because she couldn't toss and turn like normal when restless. She didn't want to disturb Simon and have him ask what was wrong, so she lay still as each passing minute felt like an hour unto itself. When the clock on the nightstand read three o' five she slid out of bed. Simon's breaths remained a steady rhythm as she closed the door to their bedroom. She had walked down this hallway hundreds of times, but in the dark, it seemed cold and unfamiliar. She stared at the door to the right. Before the blowup on Sunday, she couldn't remember the last time she had entered Ella's room. She opened the door and looked around. Hangers and clothes still littered the floor where Ella had pulled them from her closet in a rush. She straightened the trinkets that had been knocked over on her dresser. She turned over a picture frame and stared at the two most important things in her life. A photo of Simon and Ella that was taken almost two years ago at his birthday dinner. She remembered the waitress catching them off guard as she quickly snapped the picture. Neither of them was smiling as they stared back at her. The photo was encased in a thick purple frame adorned with colorful butterflies, and a pang of hurt twisted inside her. There were no pictures of her in Ella's room. She picked up the clothes and neatly hung them back in her closet. She thumbed through several outfits, many of which were short or tight or both. Towards the back of the closet, she noticed a large black down jacket. She smiled. It was one of her gifts to Ella a few Christmases ago, and she was pleased to see it hadn't been tossed out. She pulled the jacket from the hanger and something hard hit the floor. Patricia knelt down and felt around until her hand connected with a book. She hung the jacket back up and stepped out of the closet. She ran her hand over the slick cool leather binding. She never pictured Ella as a girl who would have kept a diary. Patricia sat down on the bed. She and her daughter were so private, so she knew violating that trust would be unforgivable. But this might be the closest she'd ever come to understanding the enigma that was Ella Foster. She walked into the kitchen and placed the diary on the table. While the coffee brewed, she stared at it. There was the possibility that there were things within those pages she'd rather not know. Ella wasn't the pinnacle of innocence and Patricia was in no hurry to find how far she'd fallen. "Patricia?" She looked toward the door as Simon entered. "You okay?" he asked. "Yeah. I just couldn't sleep." "Me either." He nodded and pulled a mug from the cabinet. "What's that?" "Ella's diary." The glass slipped from Simon's hands and shattered on the kitchen floor. His reflexes were slow as he stared at the cabinet for a second before his attention turned to the mess on the floor. He quickly bent down to pick up the pieces, and she knelt down to help. "No, I got it! I don't want you getting hurt," he said. She moved back to the table. "Are you okay?" "Yeah. Just...clumsy." He deposited the broken glass into the trash and turned to her. "I didn't know she kept a diary." "Neither did I." He leaned against the counter. "Have you read it?" "No. I was debating on whether or not I should. What do you think?" He shrugged. "I don't know. I can understand the curiosity, but she would be pissed if she found out." "Yeah, like I need another strike against me." Patricia ran her hand over it. "But I'm also afraid I'll find out something I don't want to know." "Like what?" "I don't know, maybe she has a list of all the men she's slept with. I don't want to know that stuff." "So, don't read it." "Maybe I won't." He nodded. "You read it," she asked suddenly. She held it out to him before she lost her nerve. Simon quirked an eyebrow. "What?" "She always liked you more than me, so she wouldn't hold it against you. Just the first page or so." He took the book and untied the lace bindings. After a deep breath, he opened it. His brows drew together as his fingers thumbed through several pages. "What's it say?" Patricia leaned on the edge of her seat. "Nothing." He looked at her. "It's blank." "What?" Patricia took the book from him and scanned it frantically. Nothing. "Why would she keep it hidden?" "I don't know. You coming back to bed?" "In a bit." Patricia flipped through the book again as if words would magically appear. Disappointment settled in her stomach. She had believed she'd have a closer understanding with Ella. But much like everything else in their relationship, this had turned out empty as well. Patricia poured out her lukewarm coffee and turned off the kitchen lights, once again in the dark. ********** Gabriella "Yeah, apparently she had sex with Bryan and Josh at the same time." "Ew, she's so gross. I'm glad her boyfriend dumped her in front of everyone." "Yeah, and he's cute. I wonder if he's dating..." Or so went the tale of her wild weekend to the girls who sat a row behind Ella in Music Appreciation. She waited behind her English building for her Classical Literature class to begin. They were reading The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and she hadn't read a single word. Instead she had spent the night watching PBS in a cheap motel on the outskirts of town trying to block out the strange noises through the thin walls that smelled like mildew. The room above her had produced a mix of moans and mattress springs and in the room beside her, a couple argued half the night. Then, after a few hours of fitful sleep, she got to face a day full of random girls speculating about what a whore she must have been on the night she was raped. She had considered turning around and telling the two girls that their boyfriends were next, but after the initial high in seeing the shock on their faces, she would only leave class feeling empty and cheap. So she decided against it and pretended to ignore their gossip. She still wasn't sure if Josh was behind the rumor of him being included or maybe Rebecca, to take some heat off her boyfriend being the only one mentioned, but she didn't care. Apparently people were going to believe what they wanted to believe. Including Nolan. She had only seen him in passing since his fight with Kyle on Monday. He didn't acknowledge her and she tried to act nonchalant about the whole thing. The wind seized the smoke from her lips when she exhaled. She had wanted to kick the habit, but after being raped on Friday, humiliated by her boyfriend on Saturday, leaving the only man she'd ever loved Sunday and the entire campus thinking she was a slut by Monday, this was definitely not the best time for her to quit. But the weekend was closing in and she could eventually put all of this behind her. She tossed her cigarette down and entered the building, with her professor's frumpy frame trailing not far behind. "Good afternoon," Professor Moore said to the less than enthusiastic class when she'd entered the room. Ella was walking to the back, passing by a group of guys when she heard her name whispered. She turned toward them. Rich, a guy with a closely shaved head who she knew hung around Nolan, made a phallic gesture with his hand and mouth. She stopped in front of him while he smiled up at her. "Are you trying to tell me you like sucking dick?" He looked confused for a second as the guy behind him burst into laughter and punched him in the back. Rich's eyes narrowed with understanding. "No, but I hear you do." She rolled her eyes and sat down. "Alright, settle down. We have a lot to fit into this class period." Professor Moore shifted strands of her short gray coif behind her ear. "This is a really short book, people. You could have finished it in just a few hours, but here we are almost a week later still pushing through it. So to avoid most of you failing because you have more important things to do than read Mr. Stevenson's wonderful story, we'll just have to read it aloud like elementary kids. Alright. Volunteers?" Ella shaded around the rings in her composition book in pencil. Simon was usually in his office at this time. She had cut this class more than once to meet him. She smiled thinking of his pissed off expression when she opened his door. She had never met anyone more about the institution of education than him, and missing class was 'missing an opportunity to grow' as he reminded her so many times. Sometimes he would push her out and she'd pout all the way to class. But more often than not, she was straddling him with his hand over her mouth and... She glanced up at Professor Moore when she heard her name. "Excuse me?" "I said, would you do us the honor?" Ella avoided the stares of her classmates before answering. "What honor?" Professor Moore tapped the podium and held up the book. "Oh, I'd rather not." "And for that, you must," she said with a smile. "Come on up." Ella cursed under her breath and picked up her book. She walked to the front of the class and avoided eye contact with the guys who sat in the back. She turned to Professor Moore. "I really don't feel well." "Reading always makes me feel better, so let's see if that works for you." Ella glared at her. "Pick up at 'I swear to God...'" She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans, scanned the passage and began. "I swear to God I will never set eyes on him again. I bind my honor to you that I am done with him in this world. It is all at an end." She looked up at Professor Moore who had taken a seat in the first row. She nodded for her to keep going. Her skin was burning and her lips were dry. "And indeed he does not want my help; you do not know him as I do—" Ella gripped the podium for support as the words seem to float off the page and no longer make sense. Whispers from the front of the classroom caught her attention. She swallowed and tried to find where she had left off. "he is—" Those words haunted her. You do not know him as I do... Her head hurt and her eyes stung like dry heat blowing directly into them. "he is—" "Keep going," Professor Moore said. She glanced at her, then over the class where all eyes concentrated on her. Every small noise, whether a shift in a seat, click of an ink pen or cough seemed to echo in the time she stood frozen. "Ella?" She heard Professor Moore call her name, but she couldn't answer. Instead, she turned and made her way to the door. The chatter started up, but she couldn't make out what people were saying as Professor Moore asked them to quiet down. She rushed down the hall, dodging other students until she made it to the bathroom. Paint chips flew up as she shoved open the old small window. Cold wind rushed in, chilling her skin. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the window seal. You do not know him as I do... So many times she came close to shouting those words at her own mother, but the thought of him hating her forever made her bite them back down and swallow the bitter jealous taste. And reading them aloud, her soul felt exposed. Ella stayed long enough for two people to ask if she was alright, and one person that asked if she'd close the window because it was freezing. But she pretended not to hear them as she stuck her head further out. By the time class was over, she shook the dust and dried paint from her hair and clothes and walked back into the empty lecture room to get her bag. But as soon as she made it to the back, she realized her stuff wasn't where she had left it. Instead, it was lying in the middle of the floor near where Cassie and Amanda usually sat. She picked it up to find the word 'whore' written in whiteout on the front of her backpack. She tried wiping it off, but it had already dried in big white block letters where everyone could see. She stomped defiantly towards the front of the class, emptied her books from the bag and tossed it in the small trash bin. After a deep breath, she pulled open the door and headed out into the crowd. ********** Patricia Patricia screamed and toppled over on the sack of fertilizer she had tried to slide across the garage, ripping the bag and spilling powder everywhere. She quickly hopped up and shook her arms and legs out in a dance after seeing a large werewolf-esque black spider crawl across the bag, which caused her sudden clumsiness. She had been in the garage for hours cleaning, and it still looked as though she had just started. And it wasn't so much filthy as it was cluttered. Rakes, hedge trimmers, a lawn mower and other gardening tools were on one side, while weight lifting equipment, mechanical tools and Simon's vintage motorcycle, the one he rarely let anyone even sit on, was on the other. This had always been his domain, but the inside of the house was spotless thanks to her unemployment, which left the last chore...the garage. Patricia dusted off her gray sweatpants and stared at the monumental task she had set for herself. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day to clean. Saturday meant a whole day with Simon and not since the blow up almost a week ago, had she been alone with him to really talk. So excusing herself to the garage for most of that day sounded like a plausible justification. She slapped away a lock of hair that fell onto her face and swept up the fertilizer, keeping an eye out for her new eight-legged tenant. Her strokes slowed as she swiped the broom beneath Simon's motorcycle. He often joked that his bikes were the third most important things to him, putting only Ella and herself above them. And although she rarely paid them any attention, she knew he spent several hours cleaning them and now particles of white dust clung to the tires. She knelt down to brush the powder off, but it smeared, turning the shiny black rubber to an ashy gray. Gabriella Ch. 08 "Crap." She searched around until she found a small white towel tucked on the top shelf in between his extra helmet and a box marked Christmas lights. Dust sprinkled down when she pulled the towel free, along with a piece of paper that fell heavily to the floor. Patricia plucked the thick paper from the ground and flipped it over to discover it was a photo. A picture of Ella with her head tilted back as her thick raven hair fell to one side of her shoulder in a carefree manner. She flashed most of her teeth as her smile bordered on a laugh. Patricia could see Rodney's wide smile in her daughter, but everything else was from her and she had always been proud of that. It gave her reassurance that she had done something right. A crease crinkled a line down the middle of the photo and from the off center angle, it looked to be a self-portrait. The background was barely visible, but Patricia could make out a bookcase. A strange feeling washed over her as a ball of tension coiled in the pit of her stomach as she stared at the picture. When had this been taken? Why was it tossed amongst his things? Had she given it to him? The relationship between Simon and Ella kept her confused. Some days she would come home and they were lounging on the couch laughing at a sitcom, or Ella would be perched on the counter in the kitchen talking to Simon as he cooked dinner. But on other days, she would walk into the middle of World War III because of a disagreement, usually stemming from how Ella should run her life. An engine idled nearby, pulling her away from the photo. Normally the sounds were sharp and fast as cars sped down their suburban street, but this low hum signaled the car had stopped near their driveway. She paused and listened for a moment to see if it would pass. After a few more seconds a car door opened, then closed. She folded the photo back along the crease and tucked it into her pocket, pushing her concerns aside as she peered through the small smudged window. Her heart leapt and she raced to press the garage opener. As the noisy door lifted, wind gushed inside, swirling leaves around, adding more work to her already heavy load, but they were quickly forgotten as she sought to restrain herself from running to Ella. Patricia rubbed her hands over her arms to rid them of goosebumps as she closed the distance between them. "Hey," she said softly. Ella looked back at the cab and shifted her feet, as if she were thinking how quickly she could flee the scene. She had a small tattered bag draped over her shoulder and her arms wrapped around her waist as if holding herself up against the harsh November weather. She turned back around. "I didn't think you were home. I thought you'd be at work or something." "Oh. Well...I didn't get a chance to tell you, but I quit my job. Can you believe it?" Ella opened her mouth to speak, but then resisted. She shivered as she glanced back at the cab. "It's cold out here. Did you want to come inside?" "I'm not staying," Ella shot back when she faced her again. "I only came to get a few things." Patricia nodded and hid her disappointment through a smile. "I'm glad you stopped by." Ella gave a nod and quickly passed her as she entered the garage and then the house. Patricia followed behind, watching her every move as she made her way down the hall, barely sparing a second glance around before she entered her room. Patricia stopped by her door and leaned against the frame. After Ella took in her newly cleaned bedroom, she looked at Patricia and furrowed her brow. Normally Ella would have shut the door in her face, but Patricia held her ground. She wasn't going to sidestep so easily this time. Ella looked away from her and exhaled noisily "Are you just going to stand there?" "Yes. Are you just going to leave again without talking to me?" She exhaled again and jerked her wooden jewelry box from her dresser. Its contents jingled as she emptied it into her bag. Patricia watched as a lump formed in her throat. "Do you need mon—" "No...thank you, but no." She glanced around the room, her eyes searching every corner. "Where are you staying?" "A motel." She walked over to her nightstand and plucked a charm bracelet that hung from the lamp switch. "Which one?" She paused for a moment, as if she might actually say, and then thought better of it. "I have to go." She walked past her and down the hall. Patricia tried to keep up with her strides before she reached the door. "I can drop you off if you want." "That's okay, I have a cab." "I know...Ella, please wait." Ella stopped but didn't turn around. Her back was rigid as her fist clenched the handle of her bag. "If I take you, you can save some money. It's just a ride. We don't even have to talk." She remained still, thinking. Patricia took that opportunity to grab her purse from the coffee table and walk outside, before she could have a chance to say no. The wind whipped her hair into her face as she approached the taxi. "How much does she owe you?" "Eighteen-fifty," the driver mumbled in a thick accent. Patricia handed him a twenty and he didn't bother looking back as he stepped on the gas and sped off. She turned to see Ella staring at her and then at the retreating cab. Patricia gave a weak smile and nodded toward her car. "Ready?" They had shared many silent car rides over the years, but this was by far the most painful. In the past, her mind had always rolled through a million things to do. Did she remember the grocery list or was it still posted to the fridge? Did Simon get her dry-cleaning before Pavilion Cleaners closed? Did Sam respond to her email? Her mind swirled with so many thoughts, that keeping conversation with a disgruntled teenager that made every question seem like an interrogation wasn't at the top of her list of priorities. More often than not, it would just incite a fight, and back then avoidance and space were the keys to a peaceful home. But Ella's sudden departure from her life changed her views on what a peaceful home was. She was searching for real peace now, and not just the illusion of it. Her mind spun like a rolodex, searching for the right words to say before they arrived at their destination because with Ella, she usually got one shot to say something worth listening to. If she chose poorly, she would be tuned out. A light drizzle splashed against the windshield. She turned the wipers on and thought about opening the conversation with an observation about the weather, but a mundane comment like that would probably be a nail in the coffin. Patricia examined Ella as she stared out the passenger window. Her light jeans with holes at the knees seemed looser than normal. Had she lost weight or were they just an old pair that she rarely wore? And even the ratty black sweater she donned seemed to be from four or five years ago. But without a washer, maybe Ella was less picky as she ran out of clothing options. A sad helplessness flowed through her as she focused back on the road. "How's Nolan?" Hopefully that would be safe territory. "We broke up," Ella replied flatly. Or not. "Oh no, what happened?" Ella leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes. Nail. In. Coffin. Patricia sighed. How had she not realized how bad it had become? The sharp edges of the photo she found in the garage dug into the side of her leg, further reminding her of a smile that hadn't been aimed in her direction for years. Patricia grimaced when she thought how long it had been since her daughter had been happy with her or anything she had done for her. One moment stood out for her now, taking her back in time to when things seemed simpler and full of promise. It was the second to last day of third grade for Ella and Patricia had just quit her job at Casual Corner due to the constant roaming hands of her manager. She didn't bother signing in at the front desk as she walked through the bright yellow halls of Jefferson Elementary School. She stopped by Mrs. Grayson's door and looked into the classroom. Ella was seated in the back by the window. She had her elbow on her desk and her head resting in her little hand as she stared outside. Her ponytail was slightly off centered, which some would see as a style, but in truth it was because Ella had been doing her own hair for the past two years and hadn't quite mastered the updo. Only a few seconds passed before Ella turned her head toward the door, as if pulled by some imaginary connection to her mother. Her eyes widened, and a huge smile spread across her face as a warm feeling swelled within Patricia's body, within her soul. She had no idea how they were going to pay for next month's rent, but in that moment she didn't care. That was the last time she'd received that reaction. The smiles faded, and soon so did conversation and affection. Life's missteps gave Patricia little to say and eventually Ella stopped saying anything too. What followed was over a decade of silent treatment that Patricia dealt with through double shifts, quiet hotel rooms, and long drives out of the city. "Some people said some things and he broke up with me." Patricia snapped out of the past and looked at Ella, wondering if she had imagined hearing her. "He broke up with you?" She tried to sound casual, when inside she was elated that Ella had shared something. Anything. Ella nodded and fidgeted with a hole on the sleeve of her sweater. "I'm really sorry, Ella. But it's definitely his loss if you ask me." More silence. Patricia focused back on the road, wondering what Nolan had heard. "Why did you quit?" Again, Patricia glanced at Ella, not believing they were having an actual two-sided conversation. She wanted to make each answer count. "Well, the bad started outweighing the good. I guess it has for a few years now. Long hours, crappy pay, sadistic boss...and for what? To make sure the next generation of microwave popcorn or hand sanitizer is one percent better than the last?" From her peripherals, she saw Ella watching her. "And I feel really awful about missing your birthday." She turned to catch her eyes. "Did you like your concert tickets?" Ella faced the window. "Yeah, I did. Thanks. Turn left here." Patricia made the turn and smiled. "You're very welcome." The rest of the car ride was in silence, but the simple conversation almost moved Patricia to tears. She quickly blinked to keep them at bay. She didn't want to ruin the moment with an embarrassing spectacle. But panic began to replace her small triumph when she realized what section of town they were in. A row of abandoned warehouses with rusted machinery out front was to the left, a gas station and liquor store to the right. The small alley ways in between the abandoned buildings held remnants of the homeless who had taken shelter there. Ella couldn't possibly be staying anywhere near here, could she? "Turn in here," Ella said. Patricia hoped her gasp wasn't audible when they pulled into a rundown parking lot for the Gaslight Motel. The car bobbled up and down over the broken pavement as Patricia tried to dodge scattered glass bottles and weeds that had grown through the cracks. A drunken man stumbled in circles jerking his shoulders and shouting obscenities, while two teenagers taunted him. Patricia didn't want to slow the car down, let alone leave Ella here. Ella must have read her mind. "It's not so bad." Patricia wished she could have felt comfort with those words, but she had read in the papers a few years ago that a man had been fatally stabbed around this area. "Ella—" She paused in her movement to exit the car, staring out of the window while her hand rested on the door handle. Patricia wasn't sure what to do. What could she do? What could she say now? Ella wasn't in third grade. She wasn't even a teenager anymore. Her choices were her own and Patricia could only sit back and watch, even if she wanted more than anything to force her not to go. The small victory of casual conversation couldn't undo what was broken between them. "I'm fine," Ella said softly. Patricia wanted to argue, but something in her daughter's voice made it all sound final. Something in the way she spoke those words reminded her that this was a grown woman making a choice that she would have to accept. Ella got out and walked toward the one story brick building, each step pressing itself against Patricia's chest. But she stopped and turned toward the car. Patricia exhaled and quickly rolled down her window and unlocked the doors, hoping there was still a threadlike connection between them. Did she sense that her mother was having a nervous breakdown? That all she wanted was to go back, to start over. All she wanted was to fix their mistakes and avoid this moment. But after a few seconds, the connection was broken as Ella turned back around and slipped behind room 104. Patricia stared at the closed door for several minutes until the breaking of glass in another direction caught her attention. She slowly pulled out of the parking lot, barely able to see the road through the blur of tears that sat on the brim of her eyelids. She drove and drove until the streets began to look familiar again and she neared a small church with faded stained glass windows. The white paint was badly chipped on the siding and a few bricks from the steps were broken. It had been nine years since she had last been here. She shut off the engine and leaned her head against the steering wheel, calming her breaths before she opened the door. The dead leaves crunched beneath her feet, creating a russet colored carpet as she meandered along the path, reading the last names that sounded familiar within their community. And then she came upon it. Her mother's headstone. Dark green moss grew up the side of the gray stone and it was one of the few graves without flowers. Some were withered, and others were fresh as if they'd been plucked that day. But her mother's was the only one left completely bare and untended. It held only a name, date of birth, and death. No special epitaphs like 'We will miss you' or 'Beloved wife and mother'. For Patricia, were she being honest, none of those applied to her mother. If she were to decorate the headstone with such flowery words, it would be with the truth...'finally at peace'. Patricia stared down at the cold stone wondering if Ella would one day look at her grave this way, lacking the emotion that comes naturally to most when they lose a parent. Especially a mother. Some passerby might think she was mourning the loss of someone loved by her red glazed eyes, but it was her own living daughter she was thinking of. The wind chilled her and she squeezed her body tightly, perhaps another gesture of comforting oneself that a stranger would think appropriate in a graveyard. Being alone with those who had already left this world, made her realize that tomorrow is never guaranteed. She had been given twenty years to mend this, and it took losing Ella to not want to waste anymore time sitting back and waiting for Simon to patch up everything. And although he had sworn to fix this, he wasn't the cause for her rift with Ella, and it shouldn't be his responsibility to repair it. The damage had been done long before he entered the picture. This all fell on her. Confrontation and reconciliation had never been a strong point for her, but she had no choice if she wanted to get Ella back. ********** Simon "Goddamn it." Simon opened his eyes and looked over at Steven. He was concentrating on his monitor as he banged away on the keyboard. It was always odd to see Steven at work. The glasses and suit he wore were always a far cry from how he looked and behaved afterhours. "What's wrong?" "These figures aren't adding up," Steven mumbled around the pen between his lips. "See, this is why I need an assistant." "Where's what's-her-name...Dara?" "Just a temp and she left. Pregnant." Simon raised a brow. Steven looked at him incredulously. "Not even once. Ever heard of the saying, 'don't fuck where you work'?" "I'm pretty sure it's 'don't shit where you eat', but I get your drift." "Yeah, well the women who work here are all off limits to me. My own self-imposed rule. I can't afford to have some psycho chick fuck up my career because when I say 'I'm not a one woman kinda guy', she claims to get it, but really she doesn't and wants to key my car, or call the office and hang up several times." Simon chuckled. "Sheila. I remember." "Yeah, security finally blocked her from this building." "But she didn't work here, did she?" "No, but she was a bartender at the place across the street," Steven said with a nod in that direction. "Too close for comfort." "In that case, I'm surprised you even started anything at all." "I know, I went against my better judgment. But fuck if she wasn't a dead ringer for Vanessa Williams." Simon grinned. "I forgot you had that crush." "Yep. The Right Stuff album cover in that little red dress. One side was completely void of ink from my handprint." He chuckled. "And the other side is probably still sticky." "Thanks for the visual," Simon groaned with a laugh. "What do you want, I was sixteen. A boy can only take so much." Simon leaned back and focused on the ceiling. "Are you almost done? It's Friday and you're the last one here." "Yeah, and that's why I have a corner office and get paid more than those clowns. Because I actually care and want this shit perfect for my clients." Simon sighed and walked over to the large window that covered the back half wall looking out into the city. The red and orange neon glow of nightlife lit up the dark sky. Clubs and bars had never been his thing, but after nineteen years of friendship with a man eternally tied to his frat boy lifestyle, Simon was subjected to every one of these social establishments, from the elite posh clubs that catered to rich housewives to the edgy artsy underground dives of the city. Simon had reluctantly seen it all. But that was before Patricia. Before he became a husband and a...well, he couldn't even define his relationship with Gabriella. Steven popped up and grabbed his keys. "Alright, fuck it. Let's get shit-faced." The Lantern Pub was half empty when they first arrived. Just a few guys in sports apparel gathered around the bar watching a football game, and some college-aged kids in the corner playing pool. Simon searched the group hoping none of his students were among them, because he was prepared to drown out all of his sorrow and forget this past week. "To alcohol...and sex. The two greatest things God created." Steven was already on his third beer when he held it up, sloshing some of its contents onto the bar. Simon laughed and knocked his bottle against Steven's. "Amen." Steven turned his attention to the few female patrons, though none of them were up to his friend's normal par for 'take home' material. At the far end of the bar, his eyes zoned in on his prey as if seeing her in a new light. The bartender was cute, with fire red hair in funky braids, but definitely gave off a 'don't fuck with me' lesbian vibe. "I'm pretty sure she has a girlfriend," Simon said, hoping to derail his horny friend. "And she seems like the one on top." "I know, that's what's so fucking hot about it. They want to be all dominant and tearing off your clothes and shit." He flashed his pearly whites at her as he spoke under his breath. "Every guy needs to fuck a hot butch lesbian at least once." Simon shook his head. "Do you ever stop to think about the things that come out of your mouth?" "Not usually," he said as he tipped his drink toward the redhead. She smiled back and filled another customer's glass. Gabriella Ch. 08 Time passed, jokes and cheap shots were traded and before he knew it, Simon was rolling his fourth bottle of beer between his palms. He didn't even remember ordering it, but Steven had abandoned him to flirt with the bartender so he needed something to drown out the thoughts on the edge of his mind, threatening to ruin his buzz. He watched as Steven leaned over the counter and tugged at one of the bartender's braids. She slapped his hand away, but smiled and continued to engage in conversation with him. Simon's attention turned to three guys who sat down a few stools from him, one around fifty and the other two in their twenties. The older man placed his arm around one of the younger guy's shoulders and laughed. The two younger men looked alike and upon further inspection they looked like the older man. A father and his sons, he realized. A father and his sons, enjoying each other's company. A stab of envy hit him. The last words his own father had said to him were 'don't come back with a twang in your accent'. That was it. Nothing that should have been profound or memorable, but Simon remembered it, and out of spite he did his best to speak with a local vernacular. Although it was never believable, he was happy when certain words like 'ball' and 'over' lost their prominent northern inflection. It was his subtle middle finger to Charles Graham and his former life under his father's roof. "Did you know my dad didn't drink?" he asked when Steven sat back down. "Her name is Fiona," Steven said folding a small piece of paper and shoving it in his pocket. Simon expected Steven to regale him with the tale of how he'd turned the hot lesbian to the other side, but after a second Steven looked at him and said "Wait, what about your dad?" "He didn't drink. I mean, at least if he was a drunk then I could understand his bouts of random rage. But he wasn't. He genuinely was an asshole with no outside influence." He picked at the edge of the label on his bottle. "Then again, I wasn't wasted Sunday, so I guess I have no excuse either." He lifted it in toast and eyed the three men that had started his trip down memory lane. "Like father, like son," he said before downing the liquid. The words tasted as bitter as the beer. "Bullshit," Steven said. He slammed his hand onto the counter, already beyond buzzed, and knocked over a basket of peanuts. "There's a world of fucking difference between shaking someone who threw a glass at your head and beating the shit out of your spouse for burning the meatloaf." He gripped his shoulder. "You've got to quit beating yourself up over that. Shit happens." "You say that like it was just a fucking flat tire, or a coffee spill." "Fine, point taken," he said with a sympathetic sigh. "But I know you better than anyone, and you're nothing like your old man." Simon had never wanted words to be truer. "Any word on Ella?" Steven asked. From one sore spot to another. "No." Steven stuffed several peanuts in his mouth. "I'm sure she's fine." Simon pinched the bridge of his nose to quell the headache that was coming. "She'll be okay, man," Steven said patting him on the back. "She's twenty and can take care of herself. "Actually, she can't, that's part of the problem." "And you being around her is the other part." Simon swiveled on the barstool to face him. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Steven tipped his bottle up and the pale gold liquid disappeared down his throat. He pulled it from his lips with a smack. "Nothing." "No, you started this. What did you mean?" "It just means that this separation is a good thing. Maybe now you can work on your marriage." Simon scoffed. "Yeah, because I haven't been doing that, right?" "I don't know, maybe you have. I mean, I'm not married or anything, but I'm pretty sure continuing to fuck another woman doesn't constitute as working on your marriage." Simon squeezed his beer bottle before bringing it to his lips. Anything to pry his mouth open and keep from cracking his molars. Steven's eyes were on him, but any retort now would only strain their friendship. So he held his tongue and chugged his drink like water. Steven sighed. "That came out wrong. I just hate seeing you struggle like this. This moral line that you keep straddling isn't going to work." He looked around and lowered his voice. "You can't hold your marriage together while trying to be a stepfather to Ella some days and her lover on others. It doesn't work that way. And just four years ago you were in the same boat as me. Single, with no responsibilities, and now you want to pretend that you've gone through twenty years of fatherhood with her? You're not her father, man. You don't need to take care of her, and maybe the best way to fix this is to stop trying to fix it for a while." Simon cut his eyes to him, hoping his glare was burning a hole right through him. "Look, you'll be fine," Steven added, drunkenly oblivious to the balled fists Simon made below the counter. "Like I said a while back, if she moved out, your problem is solved. Now she has, so just make sure to hold up your end of the deal and leave her alone." As if his problem was so simple. Leave her alone... Like he hadn't thought that from the first moment he had gone to her bedroom. It could have been his several failed attempts to end things with Gabriella or Steven oversimplifying his crisis, but the temperature in his blood was reaching the boiling point and he needed to cool off before he did something he regretted. He slowly stood and braced himself on the bar as his body caught up to his mind and slammed a handful of money on the counter. "Oh, so what, now you're leaving me?" Steven asked. Simon grabbed his helmet and ripped his jacket from the back of the stool before he looked down at his friend. "Guess I should start working on my marriage. Right?" Steven's face was red and his eyes glassy. "Fuck. Simon, come on man, I'm only trying to help." The door seemed to shift, but he eventually found it and walked out before Steven could follow. And before his words could do more damage. He broke every speed limit by at least twenty miles over until he finally reached their house. It wasn't often he ended a Friday night so early, being barely past ten, but he needed to turn in. Maybe the answers to all of his problems would come to him after a peaceful rest. Patricia's car sat in the driveway, but all of the lights, including the front porch were off. It wasn't like her to be in the bed at this time, but ever since Ella had left, her behavior had changed. One night she wouldn't sleep as she alphabetized the contents of the fridge until the early morning, and other nights she'd turn in before the sun even set. He staggered from his bike to the side door in the garage and cursed the lock for being tricky before it allowed him inside. He tossed his keys on the kitchen counter and made his way into the living room. He stumbled over something in the floor and cursed before he flipped the light on. Patricia was sitting on the couch, her hands neatly folded in her lap. The left side of her face was obscured by her hair, while the right side of her bob cut was tucked behind her ear. He stared down by his feet at the objects that had almost caused his fall. Two small bags. It took him a moment for his brain to register what it meant, but when it did, he felt like someone had punched him in the gut. He wanted to lean against the wall for support, but that meant taking a few steps back and he couldn't move a muscle. She hadn't looked up at him, but began to speak. "Today I watched my daughter ransack her room for jewelry, which I can only assume she was planning to sell to pay for the most God-awful motel, where a man was killed four years ago. I just don't know...what to think about that. I don't know how to be okay with that here, in this house." She shook her head and looked up at him. "I need some time away, Simon. Just a few days to clear my head." The lump in his throat hindered him from speaking, so he nodded. "I'll be at Myra's, so I won't be far." "I can leave," he whispered feeling nauseated. Equal parts pain, failure and alcohol made his stomach churn. "I wouldn't really want to stay here alone." Neither would he. But that wasn't his choice to make. "Okay." She rose to her feet and walked over to him. Her large golden eyes stared up at him and for a moment he wondered if she would kiss him, like she had done many times in the past to smooth over any problems they had. After they had argued about him buying a new bike, or mixing dinner plans so that she was waiting at Teddy's Café and he was at home waiting for her, she would lean her head back and smile, flashing perfectly straight pearl white teeth before her soft full lips connected with his. So many insignificant arguments that hadn't prepared either of them for something this serious. Something this devastating. He braced himself for a kiss that never came. Instead she lowered her eyes and bent to pick up her bags. "I got them," he said, gently pulling them from her hands. They were light, which should have been a relief, but his arms were tense and ached even as he brought the straps over his shoulder. Outside, the wind was unrelenting, pushing them back almost as if it were on his side and demanding that she stay. But she opened the door and slid behind the driver's seat anyway, no longer in the path of blustery weather. She pressed the trunk release button and he sat her bags inside, closed the trunk, and then walked around the car to where she sat, preparing to leave him. He knelt down by the driver's side, his hand holding the door, barring her from shutting it. "Patricia, I'm so sorry. I don't even think I can explain to you how ashamed I am. I know I let you and Gabriella down. But you don't have to leave. I will work this out. Please, just give me a chance to." A slow shake of her head was her answer. She wouldn't, or couldn't stay, and he had no one to blame but himself. "Everything feels so different, Simon," she said looking down. She said something else, but the wind captured it and muffled the words. She looked back up at him. "I don't know what's real anymore." He grabbed her hand and placed her palm against his chest. "This is real," he whispered, his eyes searching hers as his heartbeat elevated to her touch. "I love you so much and I will do whatever it takes for you to stay." She pulled her hand from his and placed it on the steering wheel. "I can't. Not now." "Where's Gabriella staying?" he asked. His words sounded frantic to his own ears. "I'll apologize to her. I can make this right again, Patricia, I swear to you." She shook her head again and exhaled heavily. "She's staying at the Gaslight Motel, but I'd prefer you not go to her. I think we all just need our space right now." Even though he had heard her words loud and clear, it still sounded like 'need our space from you' was what she really meant. He reluctantly released the door and stood, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Okay." She quickly shut it and started the engine. The car moved down the driveway and she didn't spare a second glance as she disappeared from sight. Inside, he didn't bother turning on any lights as he made his way to his bedroom. The large bed sat empty and cold in the middle of the room. Too much space, too little here to distract him from the emptiness he felt inside. He and Patricia, who were in no way big decorators, could never figure out what to fill this space with and now with her gone less than five minutes, the dead emptiness seemed to widen. Several pieces of black plastic swung back and forth as his fingers grazed the row of empty hangers in their closet. Only her summer clothing tucked neatly on one side remained, giving him a small hope that she would be back. His hand slid over the sleek burgundy wrap Gabriella had borrowed the day Nolan had picked her up for her birthday. The last day he'd seen Gabriella happy. The day he should have stayed and worked things out with her, instead of abandoning her for fear of what would happen if he didn't leave. She had changed that weekend. Enough so that she would call her own father, a man she never even spoke of, and beg him for help. Had he hurt her that badly, or was there something else going on that day, another thing she couldn't trust him with? That same day the closet had been full, minus an outfit or two that Patricia had taken with her to Asheville. He'd packed a small bag and surprised her, thinking that he was fixing everything. The answer had been that Patricia needed more of his time and Gabriella needed less. Simple solution. But in the end, it was only a thin weak band aid he was stretching over them both, praying that it didn't break. But it had, into a million pieces. His eyes felt weak and his head heavy. His mind was slowly shutting down. And for that, he was grateful. *** Her body felt so good. He pumped harder and faster into Gabriella from behind, his eyes focused on the small cluster of stars on her lower back. She glanced over her shoulder, her eyes half hooded, a small smile toying with her lips. But something was burning his back. He tried to ignore it before light shone over his shoulder, scorching his skin even more. He continued to fuck her as the light blinded him then faded revealing the florescent lights of his lecture room as his entire class came into view. All of his students with various expressions ranging from disbelief to excited. But his heart stopped when he saw Patricia sitting on the front row sobbing. His eyes remained on her but his body wouldn't stop. He willed it to, but it continued to seek out Gabriella's hot center. After he came, he pulled his pants up and walked toward Patricia, but she was backing up and shaking her head. He tried to move faster, but she was always just out of reach. Then she disappeared. He turned and the class was now empty and Gabriella stared at him, tears in her eyes as she stood naked on top of the desk, like a Greek statue. In an instant, the floor disappeared and a black hole formed where the off-white tile should have been. She poised a foot over the opening. He tried yelling her name, but nothing came out. The desks were bolted to the floor and blocked him from reaching her as he shouted again and again to no avail. Her eyes haunted him as she stepped forward and fell into the hole. "Gabriella!" he screamed. Simon sat up abruptly and almost fell off the bed. He could barely breathe as he took in his surroundings. A moment passed before his hazy gaze adjusted to the dark. He had no clue where he was. His eyes slowly focused on the window to the left. The dark oak dresser that sat in the corner of the room....his room. He fell back onto the soft bed. "Fuck me." His dress shirt and heavy denim jeans clung to his sweat covered body. His heart hammered in his chest as blood pulsed through his ears, mimicking the rapid beat. His arm was heavy as he lifted it and felt the empty spot beside him. His hand balled into a fist as he gripped the sheets, wondering how long her side of the bed would remain vacant. Days? Weeks? He staggered into the bathroom, his head still buzzing and his stomach turning from reliving his college days at The Lantern. He didn't bother with the light as he splashed cold water on his face and gargled with mouthwash, each gesture restoring pieces of himself to the somewhat normal man he was. In the hallway, he stopped at Gabriella's bedroom door. Before she and Patricia had moved in, her room had been filled with his workout equipment. Everyone thought he was crazy for buying a house, but he knew he would fill it one day in a 'if you build it, they will come' type of way. And come they had, bringing him more joy...and sorrow than he thought possible. He leaned his forehead against the door like he had done many times before. His ritual that gave him one last chance to hold onto his principles before he opened it and inevitably lost the battle of self-control, something he greatly lacked in Gabriella's presence. But tonight he wouldn't be met with a smile on the other side of the wooden barrier. Tonight she wouldn't be getting dressed...or undressed like so many mornings he had walked in, never bothering to knock. Tonight she would not be waiting for him. He gripped the handle and pushed the door open. Everything was in place, a far cry from how she normally kept her room. Articles of clothing, usually of an intimate nature, magazines and scraps of paper used to litter her beige carpet. Now things were neatly stacked and organized, conforming to the rest of their house. A twinge of guilt pierced him for wishing Patricia had left this room untouched. Void of any other presence except Gabriella's. The light hint of strawberry filled the air. At least that hadn't changed. Strawberry...and cinnamon. No better combination could describe her. The familiar scent connected with his memories as they rushed before his eyes like a flipbook. Her face bright and happy on the first page, but quickly deteriorating as they shuffled by, until the last page revealed a sad and broken girl. Sad because of him. Broken because of him. Gone...because of him. He checked the time on his phone. It was past midnight, pushing another Saturday around. Almost a full week since he'd last seen her. Almost a full week since she'd sat in his office and asked if he had ever cared about her. She had always broken their unspoken rules. Their secret language was filled with looks and touches that expressed what their words couldn't. Words complicated things, because he couldn't say what she wanted to hear, and he didn't want to hear what she wanted to say. So he did what he did best when Gabriella confused things...he said nothing. When she'd asked why he couldn't leave her alone, he said nothing. When she said she loved him...nothing. She had given him much more than he had ever given her. Her body, which he'd received first, and believed was all he wanted; her mind, which intrigued him, and which he soon grew to admire as well. And then there was her heart, the one gift he never wanted to open and tried like hell to return. She gave anyway, even though he wasn't a gracious recipient. She tried to act like his rejection didn't hurt, but he knew better. He wondered if others saw through the tough girl act as well. If they saw the insecurity in her eyes as she said something harsh or shocking. Did they notice the way her mouth turned down in a sultry pout as she braced herself to get her feelings hurt. Did they see all of that or only the façade of a femme fatale? He picked up the picture of them together. The cheesy restaurant photographer had charged eight dollars for the simple photo, but Gabriella wanted it and she rarely asked him for anything. And even though it was his birthday, he had been in a foul mood. They had argued the entire time in the car until they pulled up to the restaurant over her skipping classes. He sat the picture down and rubbed at the dull ache that settled in his chest. If he were being fair, it was a few weeks after their affair had begun and he was on edge, hating the upper hand he had given her. It's where most of his anger lay hidden, just below the surface as he blamed her for his loss of control, and that was the image the photographer had captured. And it was easy to make her sexuality as the culprit. It was something she should be able to turn off to appease his sanity. But it was a part of who she was and there was no off button. He walked out and closed the door, hoping to alleviate the ache, but the dullness sharpened, slicing through his chest as a somber silence settled over the house. Gabriella Ch. 09 Gabriella Ella held her shirt beneath the scalding water as she scrubbed furiously at the smelly beer stain that soaked the front. The material darkened and transformed the thin white cotton tee into transparent material. "Fucking bitch." There was a reason she had avoided these types of parties like the plague. She had been there less than fifteen minutes before some dumb sorority girl 'accidentally' spilled her drink down the front of her shirt. A favor Ella would gladly return as soon as she made her way back downstairs. She knew girls like that. A little buzz and egging on from their cronies gave them the courage to do something daring...or stupid. But they were all bark, no bite. The threat of a real fight left them wide-eyed and shaking, too scared to get their pretty little faces bruised. But in case Ella had read the girl wrong, she still could take her, with or without her friend who had laughed as she was doused with the alcohol. And being a girl other girls hated, she'd been outnumbered in worse odds before. Ella shut the water off and wrung out her shirt as she stared at her reflection. She had hoped that the rumors of her so-called porn star night with Bryan and Josh and God knows who else had died down, but from the moment she walked into the frat house victory after-party for the basketball team, she was sadly mistaken. Some of the girls openly sneered while others whispered and exchanged looks they thought she didn't see. And the guys didn't bother hiding the sinister thoughts written across their faces as they nudged their friends and flashed predatory grins that chilled her skin. For a millisecond she had considered fleeing, but the thought of another night alone as a fixture on Steven's couch, rolling her eyes at how easy breezy life was on Gilmore Girls reruns helped to regain her poise. She shook off her jacket and made her way through the packed room, ignoring the eyes that had lingered on her. But now a marathon of reruns didn't seem so bad in comparison to standing in her black bra and jeans in a stranger's bathroom waiting for her shirt to dry. This situation was more familiar than she cared to remember. Mix equal parts boredom and alcohol and there had rarely been a weekend in the past that she wasn't half naked in some stranger's bedroom or bathroom. Only then there was usually a guy...or two involved. Generic hip hop blasted through the floor boards, vibrating under her feet. She brushed her hair up into a messy ball and patted her face with warm water. Her shirt was still cold and soggy at best, so she buttoned up her jacket and gave herself one last look before she rejoined the crowd. Downstairs another girl bumped into Ella but this one stumbled to the floor like the drunken mess she appeared to be. She had short, wet brunette hair plastered to her face, smeared eye makeup that resembled a raccoon and one strap on her short purple dress was torn, dipping low enough to expose a dark pink nipple. She tried to push herself up before a big blonde guy hauled her up from the floor and tossed her over his shoulder. Flashbacks of Bryan and what she probably resembled that night came tumbling forward. "Where are you taking her?" Blondie gave Ella a onceover and grinned. "Why? Want to join?" "No. I'm trying to figure out if I'm going to call the cops on you." His smile dropped. "Chill. She's my girlfriend, okay?" The girl pushed herself up and giggled through half-hooded eyes before she went limp again. Ella wasn't sure if she believed him but before she could protest he turned and strode off towards the back. She shook her head and made her way outside where the scene wasn't much better. Groups of students were scattered around the front lawn of the two story house. Two large shirtless guys wrestled each other while loud music mixed with the drunken cheers from the crowd gathered around them. Ella didn't recognize either guy, but the champion beat on his chest like Tarzan while another partygoer dumped beer on his head. He shook himself like a wet dog slinging beer and mud everywhere, eliciting squeals of delight from the girls on the sidelines. Ella stood off to the side, the night air wrapped around her, freezing her jacket's metal zipper that pressed against her bare skin. These parties felt much different at seventeen. College boys had seemed older, more sophisticated than the high school boys she was accustomed to. She'd hear about the college parties through various girls who shared her appetite for sex and trouble. And they had been fun for a while, but like most things the magic wore off and reality set in. There really wasn't that big a difference between high school and college boys. The big difference had come when Simon entered her life, forever altering her perception of love, sex...soulmates, which until then had only been in sappy fairytales. From the beginning, their intense relationship had been far from the norm, but no less real than the one he shared with her mom. And at times when their eyes locked onto each other, speaking more than a thousand words could, it seemed even more real than their marriage. But now so much had changed. After she moved in with Steven, she poured herself into school and work, desperate to wear her mind and body down in an attempt to cover the massive hole that Simon had left in her life. But within the first month she was back to checking her phone every other minute for a sign from him that all would be okay. When someone buzzed Steven's condo from downstairs, she would drop everything and sprint to the intercom. And whenever it was Steven's turn to host 'guys night', she'd pace back and forth, chewing her nails down to the quick, hoping Simon would come. But he never did. There were no visits. No calls. No emails. Nothing. All she had was the disappointment and regret that settled into her chest and left her nauseated most days. But his absence from her life wasn't entirely his own doing. Their last night together at the rundown Gaslight Motel, he had come for her, admitted he loved her and said he would do whatever it took to make it work. But she chose pride over love and in return broken her own heart. She pushed away the one person who she held more faith in than anyone else. And now she was forced to swallow the consequences of her decisions that haunted her every single night as the hole left in her heart...her soul...painfully widened. And now four slow torturous months had passed without one word from Simon. As if she had just imagined everything that they had once had. And a numbing blur of routines for which she had no recollection were all that was left to fill the void. The 'clumsy' sorority girl broke Ella from her thoughts as she zoned in on her. She was laughing and hanging onto her friend as the two of them watched more horseplay from the drunken fraternity brothers. Ella started toward her direction to repay the 'accident' when a large hand grabbed her wrist. "Damn, shorty. Every time I get close to you, you move again." Ella kept her eyes on the girls as they stumbled back into the house, her chance of revenge slipping further and further away. She turned back and directed her glare up at the tall guy holding her wrist. Judging on his height and build she assumed he was on the basketball team. "What do you want?" He had a wide toothy white smile that complimented his dark chocolate skin. "Well, for starters a congratulations would be nice." "And who would I be congratulating?" He quirked a dark brow. "You don't know me?" "No. Should I?" "A lot of people do." She gave him a deliberate onceover then looked away. "Well, I'm not a lot of people." "I'm Terrence. Harris." She glanced back at him. "Ella." He nodded. "Foster, right?" She tensed immediately. If he knew who she was then she knew exactly what he wanted. Guys were too transparent. She gave a slight nod and focused on the wrestling match between the current winner and one of the basketball players. "So, are you going to give me that congratulations or not?" "Why should I?" "Because I won the game for us tonight." "Well in that case, congratulations." "Thanks." She stared up at him. "Now what the fuck do you really want?" He laughed. "Damn, why do I have to want something?" "You're a man. You always want something." His eyes roamed over her. "Well maybe all I wanted was to talk to the finest girl here." "And maybe if you were honest about what you wanted, you just might get it." The grin he'd been toying with remained locked in place, but his eyes lusted over her. Ella looked back out at the crowd when he licked his lips, his intentions more than apparent at this point. "Honesty, huh... It's that simple?" "Maybe." He nodded and looked back out at the crowd. More people began piling out of the house as the level of wrestling intensified. This was really not her scene anymore. But she just wasn't ready to go back to Steven's. Maybe she could catch a late movie. She was about to walk away when Terrence's lips brushed against her ear. "So what if I told you that what I really wanted was to fuck ...what then?" he whispered. Then maybe you could distract me from the hell I'm in. Maybe you could bury yourself so deep inside me that I could forget the emptiness. That for a moment I could just forget. Those were all the answers to his question, though way deeper than he probably cared to hear. Ella looked up at him. "Then I suggest we get out of here." *** Ella blew smoke up at the sky and watched as it created a fog over the stars before the night wind carried it away. She wished she could be carried away, like dandy lion seeds into the wind. Steven's balcony had become her personal sanctuary. The one corner of the world where she could be left alone, a luxury she hadn't had Thanksgiving Day. She'd spent the majority of the afternoon on Steven's parent's deck with his fourteen year-old cousin, Kelsey, who followed her from room to room talking a mile a minute about how mortifying braces were and the lack of maturity in high school boys. Ella informed her that it didn't disappear with age. And Steven spent most of the day explaining to his inquisitive family members that she wasn't his girlfriend, which made his evasive answers even more suspicious to his family. But his mother refused to buy any excuses, and whispered to Ella after dinner, "He says that now, but he rarely brings anyone home." She followed it up with a wink and hopeful squeeze of her hand. Steven apologized profusely for his family trying to marry them off and his Uncle Bart who kept giving her hugs and calling her Elsa, but she knew it was all her fault for the intrusion on their warm family gathering. She'd never seen a family that size that all laughed and got along. Simon never talked about his family and her mom had nothing to say about hers. In a way, that's why the three of them fit. But after that, she worked both Christmas and New Year's to avoid the holiday awkwardness. "Luu-cccy, I'm home," Steven called out in a spot on Desi Arnaz impression. She looked over her shoulder as he made his way to the balcony. "Jesus, it's cold out here." He sat down beside her. "What is it with you and cold weather?" "I can think better. Heat..." She remembered Simon's warm body engulfing hers, "...drives me crazy." She turned to him, taking in his gray blazer and dark jeans. "You look nice. Good date?" "Yep. Natasha was very good to me. Super hot and super French. Squint just right and she resembles Naomi Campbell." "She sounds like fun, but what happened to..." The days blurred together as Ella searched through her memory bank of women he had taken out since she'd become his roommate. "...Dawn, strawberry blonde that giggled constantly." "Giggles had to go." "Why? She was cute." "Yeah, but she didn't stop giggling the whole night. And I do mean the whole night. I don't know about you, but in certain..." he hesitated over his words, "...compromising positions, I don't want to hear a girl giggling." Ella looked back out at the city. "I'll keep that in mind." "How about you? Do anything fun?" Images of Terrence above her, battering her insides with clumsy off-tempo strokes while he expressed how tight she was and how his dick was probably the best she'd ever had. She had kept her mind busy with random thoughts during their one-sided pleasure fuck, and was halfway out the door before he could dispose of the soiled condom. "Nope." "Lame. You should be out partying every weekend. Hell, I did when I was your age." "Steven, you still do." His brow furrowed. "True... But you should go out, have fun and get into some trouble." He grinned. "But not too much trouble. Don't call me from jail or anything. It's not a fun place." Ella laughed. "You've been in jail?" "Yep. Ten terrifying hours courtesy of Simon when we were your age." Her body tingled at the mention of his name. "Why? What did he do?" "Fucker," Steven said with a laugh. "Some cops had us and a few other guys lined up outside of a bar after a brawl, chastising us on underage drinking and respecting other's property. But he was prepared to let us go when Simon and all his drunken wisdom decided to tell the officer to go fuck himself." Ella gave a shocked snort and covered her mouth. "Yeah, well the cop didn't think it was so funny, and we spent the night in county. My dad bailed us out, but he took his sweet time doing it to teach Simon a lesson in keeping your mouth shut and me a lesson in not letting my friends get me into trouble. I think that's the maddest I'd ever been at him." Steven looked away. "But then I remembered his dad was a cop, so it all made sense later." She followed Steven's eye line and took in the bright lights in the distance. Most days she felt like a burden on him, even though he ensured her time and time again that she wasn't. Even her mother had bothered him for updates, and she appreciated his friendly yet vague answers on her life when she pried. And then there were the calls he took out on the balcony with the door closed. Calls she could only assume were from Simon and she wondered what they talked about. Did he ever ask about her or did they avoid any talk of her? From the corner of her eye, she caught Steven staring at her. "What's on your mind, princess?" They never discussed the night she was dropped off, but she often wondered how much he knew about her relationship with Simon. "Nothing. Just tired." "Okay." He stood and stretched. "Well, get some rest." She nodded and he slid open the door. "Steven?" He looked back at her. Her hands felt like warm sponge as the words settled like blocks in her throat. She was desperate for anything. Just one mention that Simon had thought about her over the months they'd been apart. A few words from Steven could ease her suffering and maybe she could fully let go. Does he miss me? Those four words fell to the tip of her tongue, as she weighed the decision. If he didn't know, it gave too much away. He continued to stare at her as her mind and heart warred against each other. She quickly turned from him and swallowed. "Goodnight." "Goodnight, princess." She closed her eyes and sighed as the door slid shut behind her. ********** Patricia Predawn spilled through the blinds as the sounds of Mr. Schulman's sprinkler filtered into the room. Simon's shallow breaths tickled the back of her neck and the steady cadence was proof of his heavy slumber. She mindlessly ran her fingertips over the hairs of his forearm that was locked tightly around her waist. It was in the still of the morning when her decisions came to haunt her and she questioned whether she had done the right thing by moving back in with him. But after nearly a week of walking on egg shells and avoiding the pink elephant in Myra's tiny apartment, she chose to leave and keep some shred of their friendship intact. It had already suffered a permanent strain after the accusation and there were only so many times they could discuss safe topics like the weather or new recipes before wanting to pull their own hair out. She missed her friend, but after the bomb Myra detonated, things couldn't be the same again. At least not for a while. A quiet hotel room sounded promising, but she needed to face things head on, not rely on old comfortable habits. At first she had traded egg shells at Myra's for land mines that she and Simon tiptoed around. Their reunion was awkward and neither knew exactly what to say. But soon an accidental bump here and a soft touch there, led to friendly conversation until they were able to fall back into a somewhat normal routine of married life. But the decision to move back in had weighed heavily on her because she didn't want Ella to see it as a betrayal. She had reached out to her several times, but was only able to leave voicemails that went unreturned. Steven said she had gotten a job at Walton's Cineplex shortly after moving in, and between work and school, he hardly saw her, but believed she was doing well. Patricia had driven by the rundown theater a few times catching glimpses of her daughter working at the cash register or sweeping the lobby. The black pants, burgundy shirt and ponytail were such a foreign but welcome sight for Patricia. Maybe this awful thing had to happen to change her. At least that was the optimistic version she held onto. She didn't want to be like her mother, thinking the worst of everything and everyone. Simon's lips brushed the nape of her neck and his hardness rested heavy and firm against her rear. Her body shuddered, craving the physical intimacy they once shared. Early mornings when the world melted away leaving their own private utopia made of warm Egyptian cotton and plush pillows. Her insides would combust again and again as she writhed beneath her husband, leaving bruises and teeth marks on her own bottom lip in a useless effort to quiet her cries of ecstasy. But since she'd been back, her body and mind fought a private war, one pulling towards Simon's hungry eyes and kisses and the other backing away, confusing her, confusing him and leaving their reunion unconsummated. Leaving their mornings quiet. Too quiet. And now Simon had taken to jogging at random hours of the night, leaving those quiet as well. "Good morning, beautiful," he whispered. "Good morning." The bed dipped slightly when he rose and walked into the bathroom. His morning routine was etched into her brain as the toilet flushed and the shower came on. In the kitchen, she leaned against the counter and watched the coffee brew, the aroma a constant reminder of past mornings when she was a part of the working force. Through the window the winter winds had scattered their neighbor's plastic Nativity set all over and one of the three Wise Men had blown into their yard. She'd already returned it twice, but now that Christmas had passed, she felt less in the yuletide spirit and the one bearing Frankincense would just have to stay put. She glanced over her shoulder when Simon entered the kitchen, his dark hair still damp as he straightened his collar. The contrast of his lightly tanned skin against the white button down shirt tugged at the nerves in her upper thighs. She exhaled and poured his coffee, watching the smooth dark liquid fill his cup leaving a puff of steam. "Thank you, honey." He took a quick sip before tossing his phone into his briefcase. "Welcome." She blew the steam from her own mug and sipped, the coffee sliding down her throat slowly thawing her soul. Over the past few months, she'd accepted that it was the small comforts she had to seek solace in. Gabriella Ch. 09 "Your interview today?" She nodded. "Well, good luck. I'm sure you'll get it." "I'm not so optimistic, but thank you." He moved close, so close she could make out the blue from the gray in his eyes. He sat his cup down to the left of her, keeping his eyes trained on hers. Then they fell to her lips and back up again. "What would you say if I called in sick and spent the day with you?" he whispered, his warm breath washing over her, teasing with the light scent of minty toothpaste and rich hazelnut coffee. Her lips itched to touch his. Taste his. Her body begged to forget about his job, her unemployment...Myra's words. Everything. Tired of thinking, she leaned in to submit to what they both wanted when her cell phone rang. The long shrill echoed through the kitchen, widening the space that had shrunken to just the two of them. Patricia stepped around him and answered it, breathing deeply to calm herself. "Hello, Mrs. Graham?" "Yes?" "I'm calling to confirm your ten-thirty appointment with Mr. Thompson." "Yes, I'll be there. Thank you." She quickly hung up and turned around. Simon remained by the counter facing away as if she hadn't moved. His back and arms were tense, as though he were pushing against the granite countertops. "I should probably get dressed." "What do you think about what I said? I could wait for you after your interview." His voice was cool and low, making her consider her words carefully. "I think that sounds really nice, but I have a lot of things that I need to do around here as well, so..." He turned and stared at her. Into her. As if trying to decipher the true meaning of her words. She released a gasp when he broke the dead calm and pushed away from the counter. "Okay." He grabbed his briefcase and keys and made his way to the door, each step crushing her heart. It was never supposed to be this way. It had always been easy for them. Before the blowup, they rarely argued and never went without talking to each other. And because of the peaceful marriage they had grown accustomed to, she wasn't prepared for the stormier times. "Simon?" He turned, the look in his eyes hopeful. "Yes?" She hesitated while her mind raced to catch up to her mouth. "I...was...thinking...would you like spaghetti for dinner? Or I could make something else if you're not feeling that." He gave a small smile that didn't reflect in his eyes. "Spaghetti sounds great." She exhaled. "Okay, good." "Have a good day." "You too," she said too enthusiastically. She held her smile as he walked out. The loud revving of his motorcycle vibrated the floor before the sound lowered, signaling he was gone. Soon the quiet seeped back in and her smile slowly slipped from her face. It was during these alone times that she was painfully aware just how much life had changed. Normally Simon and Ella would have headed out together, at least during times when they were on good terms or at a ceasefire, and on days when their truce had disintegrated, Ella would find another ride. It wasn't perfect, but it was home. And a broken heaven was better than hell any day of the week. She poured their half full cups of coffee down the drain and made her way to the bathroom to prepare for her interview. *** Patricia bit her bottom lip while Clark Thompson scanned her resume. He didn't appear to have the friendliest demeanor, but Viscott Group was a reputable marketing firm that now needed an office manager. And since she'd endured several years with Clemmon's resident tyrant, Sam Banesfield, she was more than confident she could handle anything he threw her way. His thin lips twisted as though he tasted something sour. "You don't list your last employer as a reference." "Um, no, but as you can see I have others." She shuffled through her bag. "I have letters—" "Hmm..." He tossed her resume and references onto a stack of papers. "We'll call you." Her insides deflated while she held her smile. "Thank you." On the drive home, her mind drifted to conversations she and Ella never had. Bits of random wisdom gained here and there that she tucked away for days when deadlines weren't looming, grocery lists were blank and dinner was already made. Days when everything had fallen into place and time was set aside for them to talk. Really talk. But those days never came and those conversations were never had. And now the time had passed and the life lessons she had filed remained hidden away like so many things in her relationship with Ella. When she re-focused, she found herself on an unexpected detour and sitting in the parking lot of Walton's Cineplex. After a futile search for Ella through the large tinted windows, she turned the car around and made her way to the nearest grocery store to pick up spaghetti sauce for a dinner neither of them would probably touch. ********** Gabriella "Come on." Ella's hands trembled as the lighter clicked several times showing no mercy. The only fire being produced at the moment was burning through her veins. The slight stale stench of the nearby dumpster turned her stomach while the dull yellow flickering of the street lamp above shone down on the almost empty frost covered employee parking lot behind the theater. "Shit." She pulled the unlit cigarette from her mouth and closed her eyes. She had less than five minutes to calm her nerves, go back inside and pretend that the sight of Nolan, Bryan, Rebecca and the brunette on Nolan's arm hadn't just shook her to the core. That the knife in her back courtesy of Nolan left her still standing when inside she was crumbling piece by piece. She had frozen like a deer in headlights as the quartet stared back at her. Finally Rebecca broke the trance and turned on her heels, pulling the confused brunette with her as the girl mumbled something about popcorn. Bryan glanced at Nolan before he followed Rebecca into the theater. Ella turned away from Nolan's stare, knocking over the candy display and rushed to the backroom, grabbing her cigarettes from her purse on the way out. There was always the chance that she would run into them, but she never expected it to be at the same time. She never expected Nolan and Bryan to be friends again. Not after what she told him. Not after everything that had happened. She opened her eyes and stared at the numerous bumper stickers on the back of her co-worker, Fritz's car. I brake for animals; I break assholes. She had been too speechless to give him a heads up that she was taking a much needed smoke break. "Ella?" She glanced to the side to find Nolan peeking from the broken emergency door. His eyes were unsure when he stepped through and let it close behind him. She looked away from him and placed the cigarette between her lips again. She steadied her hand long enough to light it and inhaled deeply in the hopes that it would soothe her throbbing head and halt her stomach somersaults. He moved closer, until he was a foot from her. "Can we talk?" "I'm busy." She blew smoke out and stared at the bumper stickers again. Assholes. "In there...it's not what it looks like." "Really?" Ella scoffed and turned to him. "Then what is it exactly? Because just a minute ago it looked like you were here with that fucker Bryan or did I miss something?" When he didn't answer, she turned back to the parking lot. He shuffled his feet, a trait she use to find endearing, but now only irritated her. "When did you start working here?" She rolled her eyes, tossed the cigarette down and moved to enter the building when Nolan grabbed her arm. "Wait a second—" "Let go of me," she snapped. "Ella, I—" "You're still friends with him?" The tiny shred of cool she had left waned as she jerked her arm away. "After everything I told you!" He shook his head. "It's more complicated than—" "He raped me, Nolan! You were my boyfriend! It's not that fucking complicated!" "Yes it is! Second grade, Ella. That's how long he and I have been best friends. He's telling me one thing and you're telling me another. I was in the middle and didn't know who to believe. What did you want me to do?!" "Believe me! I wanted you to believe me. I could have..." She felt hysterical. Her voice sounded strange, like it didn't belong to her, "...could have handled it. Everything people were saying, I would have been okay had you just believed me!" "Ella I..." He stuck his hands in his pockets and gave a defeated sigh. "He said you both were wasted and it just happened." "How convenient for him. And yet you remain his friend and toss me aside." "It wasn't like that. I—" They turned toward the emergency door as it flung open and slammed violently against the brick wall. A shiver traveled up her spine when Bryan stepped through and looked in their direction. "Nolan, what the—" His eyes shifted to her. "Oh." Fury vibrated her body the closer Bryan got, his dark eyes darting back and forth between them before they settled on Nolan. "What's going on? I thought this was kind of a done deal," he said with a nod in Ella's direction. "Just give me a moment, will ya?" Nolan said, irritation laced through his voice. "Why? So this bitch can make up more lies?" "The only lying bitch out here is you," Ella slung back at him. Bryan's eyes narrowed. "Shut up, slut." Common sense of striking someone who outweighed her by sixty pounds and hovered a foot taller escaped Ella as her fists balled. She connected months of pent up frustration to the side of Bryan's face in a half punch/half slap combination. He stumbled back with a thin red line slowly trickling from his nose. He wiped at it, dazed, before he scowled at her. The cold had done nothing to soften the blow and her fingers felt broken, but she held her ground. If he beat the shit out of her, so be it, but she refused to back down and be helpless again like she was that night. She braced herself when Bryan's hands snaked out to grab her. "Don't even think about it!" Nolan shouted as he caught Bryan's hands and pushed him back. Bryan shoved Nolan aside and took a step toward her, towering over her again, before Nolan wrapped his arms around him from behind and swung him around, slamming him against the brick wall. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Nolan yelled. Bryan pushed him off. "She hit me!" "So? You can't take a hit from a girl?" "See, this is the shit I'm talking about Nolan! Letting that little bitch come between us." Ella wanted to kill him—no, make that all of them. She had never felt this much rage in her life. She reached for Bryan, but Nolan held her back. "Lying motherfucker! If you didn't want me to come between you, then you shouldn't have raped me, you fucking asshole!" she screamed, no longer caring who witnessed the fight or her accusation. If she got fired for the spectacle, it was worth it. Bryan leaned over Nolan's shoulder and glared down at her. "I didn't rape you, you fucking whore! Like that's even possible with a cum-dumping slut like you." She reached for him again, but Nolan beat her to it as he turned and slammed his fist into Bryan's stomach. "Fuuuck..." Bryan wheezed out before he stumbled to the sidewalk. Nolan bent over him with a raised fist. "Go ahead, call her another name, asshole!" Ella turned to walk away when Nolan grabbed her arm. "Hold on." "We're done," Bryan panted out. He sat up and held his abdomen. "Y-you pick her over me? I would ne-never do that shit to you." "And what you did to me...I would never do to you," Nolan spat back. Ella pulled her arm from him and walked back into the theater. The door opened behind her, but she sped up. At this point there was nothing left to say. "Wait a second. I need to talk to you." Nolan grabbed her hand again before she could make it back out to the lobby. "Ella, wait. We need to talk. You owe me that much." She snatched her hand away. "I don't owe you shit." "You think you were the only one that was hurt? That you're the only one that suffered?" She slowed to a stop, but kept her eyes focused on the bright lights of the lobby. "I was in two fights in less than a week and the butt of every joke in the locker room all because of how I felt about you, Ella. You didn't even hear half the things I heard." Ella remembered his eyes, the angry, sad, shocked revelation reflected in them before his coach pulled him back to the bus that day. For the most part, Nolan was a laidback easy going guy who was friendly to everyone. But to see him lose it like that in front of his coaches and friends, he was pushed to the brink with whatever Bryan had revealed. "I really want to talk to you." She slowly turned around. "What's there left to say?" "There's plenty," he said, moving closer. "Isn't your date waiting on you?" "She can wait. Can I call you later?" Ella sighed. "Let's just let this go. I mean, it's not like you and I had some great love affair." He shook his head. "From the beginning, I knew I was in this more than you." "In the beginning, you were just trying to get laid, remember?" "Yeah, well don't forget it was you that just wanted to have fun and not be tied down. You were the one seeing some other dude on the side while you were with me." "Not after we started dating." "Even still, the rumors started and what was I supposed to think, huh?" "Apparently that I'd screw all your friends." He gave a dry chuckle. "I don't even know why I bothered. Have a good life." Her head hurt as she watched him retreat. She took several deep breaths before walking into the break room to replace her cigarettes. Her heart leapt when she saw she had a message on her phone, but like a cruel joke, it dropped a second later when she realized it wasn't from Simon. They never were. Instead Terrence's message stared back at her. Hey sexy. Cum c me tonite. That was his nightly offer ever since they'd hooked up. Though they had yet to have an emotional connection, there was no reason why their casual relationship couldn't be deeper. B there in 1hr. She clicked her phone shut and headed into the lobby. *** Ella closed her eyes to block out the constant vibration of the phone against the desk to the right of her and the thumping bass beat through the wall to the left. "You like that?" She reluctantly pried her eyes open to see Terrence's reflection as he grunted behind her. A light sheen of sweat covered the tattoos strewn across his chest, most of which blended into his dark skin. A cross, the initials LMB and other symbols she could never quite decipher, but they still weren't enough to distract her from the dry friction growing more painful between her legs with each of his hurried thrusts. "Yeah," Ella lied over the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh as he hammered into her from behind. "You feel so good." He watched himself in the full length mirror hooked onto the back of the closet while she remained on all fours. The stagnant heat made his fingers slick as they slid up and down her sides, yanking her ass back against him with each plunge. She winced with each thrust as he drove her further into the thin mattress, her sore elbows and knees forced to bear the brunt of the battle between the worn down padding and the rigid metal slates beneath. "You like that dick, huh? Tell me how deep you feel—" She rammed back harder against him matching him thrust for thrust as she moaned louder to block out his annoying chants. She rolled her hips up, down and in circles in the hopes to feel something. Anything. "Oh fuck..." In the reflection, Terrence gritted his teeth and did a succession of short hard strokes. "Fuck, fuck, fuck..." He dropped down on top of her, forcing her flat onto the hard bed as he continued to plow into her in fast hard pumps. She arched her back and lifted her ass, wanting him to fill her deeper. To purge any thoughts of Simon she harbored. "Fuck!" He held a long, noisy grunt before dropping all of his weight on top of her. His heartbeat pounded into her back as his sticky body crushed her. She turned her head to the side, and through a curtain of damp dark hair, she stared at the TV that was on mute. A sports analyst sat behind a desk with a row of graphics to his left, each a different topic to discuss while the sounds of laughter floated through the thin door as people passed by. "Shit," Terrence wheezed before rolling off. Colorful spots floated in front of her when she sat up too quickly. She pushed herself against the wall and looked down at his long body sprawled across the bed. The sight of his dick slowly softening, still sheathed by the sheer wet condom forced her to look away before her stomach turned. "Damn girl." He placed a hand behind his head and lazily stroked the inside of her thigh. "You could have a brotha hooked." She drew her knees up and rested her chin on them. "Glad you liked." "Liked? Shit, I loved." Ella smiled at him and he smiled back, but she couldn't think of anything to say. She turned to the silent TV hoping she hadn't become one of those annoyingly clueless girls whose unwanted presence continued to linger after sex. She inhaled deeply before staring back at Terrence, whose eyes were slowly roaming down her body. "How was your game tonight?" "We won." "Good." More silence passed as she scrolled through things to say. She knew nothing about basketball and didn't want to bore him with questions about school. He plucked his phone from the desk and scrolled through the many missed calls and texts that sounded off every other minute of their short sexual escapade. "You know, I thought of trying out for the cheerleading squad last year." "Mmm. You'd look fine as hell in that tiny little outfit cheering for me." He placed his phone on the desk and slid her down the bed by her ankle. "What are you doing Saturday?" He grinned and slowly opened her legs. "Hopefully you." Ella forced another smile. "Other than doing me, I was thinking maybe we could hang out. Maybe catch a movie or something." He rose to his knees and rolled on a fresh condom. "Yeah, but actually this Saturday isn't good for me." She stared up at the ceiling and braced herself for the dry intrusion. "Oh. Do you have an away game or something?" "No. But my girlfriend will be in town." Ella choked out an incredulous laugh, searching his eyes for any form of joking. He was serious. Invisible prickles coated her arms and legs. "You have a girlfriend?" "Yeah," he grunted as he pushed deep inside her in one fluid stroke. "Fuck, you feel so good." She stared up at him as her emotions ping-ponged between shock, laughter and anger before settling on resignation. And honestly she wasn't that surprised, but if he was going to use her, then she'd use him too. She moved her hips to meet his and wrapped her arms around his strong back. Her eyes closed and she sucked in her bottom lip when they hit a familiar rhythm. It was just sex, no different than taking a nice hot shower. For the moment, it satisfied every craving, but once the deed was done, that was it. No need to bask in the afterglow. There would always be more sex and for a long time, she hadn't really cared where it came from. But memories of Simon's piercing blue eyes surfaced again. Her heart ached again. "Ssh, Gabriella," Simon had whispered against her ear as she had clung beneath him on the last day of summer the year before. The light drizzle had driven everyone but them away from Lake Torrance. His eyes held hers as her whimpers of ecstasy elevated, before being cut off by his lips, his tongue...swallowing every cry of passion she was about to release to the heavens above. Her body shook uncontrollably while her skin kept her insides from combusting. Simon touched every nerve inside her as his body pinned hers against the warm blanket. Gabriella Ch. 09 When he released her mouth and rode out his own release, she held tightly to him as she stared up at the stars above secretly wishing it would always be that way. And that night, the indigo sky was brightly lit with more stars than she'd seen in years, so at least one was bound to catch her wish. Her prayer. "Right there...shit!" Terrence's cries yanked her from the comfort of the clouds, as she crashed back down to his cramped bedroom. "Oh shit...shit!" His face contorted as his body jerked above hers. He let out a long groan and sank down on top of her. She stared up at the beige ceiling with cracks and paint bubbles before her eyes shifted to the shadow of a moth as it fluttered about, trapped inside the florescent light. The small insect batted it's wings desperately before it fell completely still. A tear tickled the side of her face as it slid down past her temple and into her hair. "Oh fuck, that was good," Terrence mumbled into the pillow. Ella wiped the tear track from her face and pushed an oblivious Terrence up. He exhaled and rolled over to his back. She crawled over him and picked her bra and panties up from the floor and quickly dressed. "Where you going?" "Home," she answered, avoiding his gaze. "Oh." She pulled up her pants and searched around for her shirt, cursing as her barefoot squished one of the jizz filled condoms on the tile. "You can stay if you want." "Nah. I think it's best if we just kept it simple, right?" she said as she rolled her shirt down her stomach. "Right...yeah." She slipped on her heels and grabbed her jacket. "Oh, hey, wait..." She flipped the collar of her jacket and looked back at him. "My boy Andre wants to meet you." "Who?" "Andre Kale." When she didn't respond he raised a brow. "Our starting point guard, Andre," he said with emphasis as if that would jar her memory. She shook her head. "Don't keep up with sports, remember." He laughed. "Anyway, I thought I'd introduce you." "Why would..." Her fingers slowed after she adjusted the jacket button. "Oh." "I just think you guys would hit it off." He shrugged. "And since I'll be busy this weekend, I figured you two could hang out." It should have stung like it had in the past when guys passed her around. But something inside had broken months ago and she felt nothing as she stared back at him. She gave a nod and opened the door. "So, I'll let him know, okay?" He grinned. "But don't forget about me. Cuz you got me hooked on that tight—" Ella slammed the door, cutting off whatever trite statement he was about to declare and made her way down the hall. The stuffy passage smelled of equal parts sweaty locker room and marijuana. Several doors were open as guys played video games or blasted loud music. More than half of the florescent lights were out or dim, but she avoided eye contact as she walked to the stairwell. A tall auburn haired guy with a towel around his chiseled hips slowed as he past her, his eyes roving over her. She knew what he was thinking. The only girls who frequented Harding, the all-male dorm, this late were either hooking up or spying on a boyfriend and no doubt he knew which category she fell under. She rushed down the stairs and out the glass doors. The cold night wind swept over her and dried Terrence's sweat against her skin creating an icky sensation that curled her stomach . Soft snowflakes mixed with the winter wind made her teeth chatter, forcing her to pull her jacket tighter. With only a few kids scuffling about, the sights and sounds around campus seemed much different at night. Small light posts along the pathway cast a dark yellow glow onto the newly wet pavement that was sprinkled with dead leaves and small patches of ice. She made her way past the library and student union building but slowed when Grayson Hall came into view. She stared at the old brick building and remembered the summer days her heart pounded with anticipation as she sprinted across campus trying to make it to Grayson Hall before Simon left for his next class. She'd burst through the doors, grinning from ear to ear, ignoring those who told her to 'watch out' or 'slow down' as she made her way down the hall, around the corner and to the second door on the right. She'd calm herself and run fingers through her hair, taming loose strands before she barged in. Ella cupped her face to the cold glass doors and peered inside the dark empty hallway. It had been months since she'd been inside. Every day she fought the urge to see him, but fear of not knowing what to do when she did kept her far away from the west wing of campus. Far away from Grayson Hall. And far away from Simon. She searched the streak free glass for any remnants of the words they had scrolled on the door several months back. But much like their relationship, there was no trace left to indicate any such words had existed. Then she felt it. The burning sensation of regret behind her eyes right before the dam broke and tears spilled uncontrollably over the brim of her eyelids. She sniffed and choked back the sobs, but her body went limp and she crumpled to the sidewalk. She wiped at her nose and eyes as both continued to run, grateful that no one had witnessed her not-so-quiet and embarrassing breakdown. She leaned back against the door once her emotions were under control and closed her eyes. She brushed away a lone tear and inhaled deeply. And then again. And again. She had endured many things in her twenty years and even though this was the hardest, she would survive it. There was really no other choice. Simon had obviously moved on and now she needed to as well. She stood and began making the trek to the bus stop but not before glancing over her shoulder at Grayson Hall one more time. ********** Simon The frosty air burned his nose and lungs as it coursed through him. Light flurries blurred his vision yet he picked up speed until he was in a full sprint. His body would pay the price later, but he was too chockfull of energy. Every night around the same hour, restlessness settled in, refusing to let him sleep. His head buzzed with white noise and the only thing that would quiet the uncomfortable intrusion was to expel as much energy as possible. When he rounded their street, he pushed even harder hoping he would collapse on the lawn, but as always his body didn't give in to the fight. He heaved in huge gulps of air and sat down on the front steps. Their quiet suburban street looked picturesque with the untouched snow gently covering each lawn in a soft blanket of white. All the windows were darkened including his own, reminding him of a peace that eluded him. Even Patricia hadn't stirred as he slid out of bed and slipped on his running gear. Since her return, most days seemed normal, at least on the surface. They talked, laughed, watched American Idol and argued over who was best. Then other days were slightly off, like a private Looking Glass reflecting their distorted version of normality. Little things that only a husband would notice about the woman he slept beside every night. A woman who he could decipher every emotion splayed across her face. Patricia had become more guarded in her affections. The same sweet kisses only her lips would pull away a second before his. Same warm embrace that would loosen a moment before he would. Over time he learned to recognize and avoid certain triggers, which all had to do with Gabriella. Once he had walked into the kitchen while she prepared dinner. He was about to greet her, but remained quiet as she stared down at the pan. A moment later she removed a raw chicken breast and tossed it into the trash. The question 'why' was on the tip of his tongue until he saw her dilemma. She had seasoned three, not two pieces of chicken. When she noticed him she quickly brushed away a tear and asked about his day. But he knew he had already lost her in that moment and now any conversation for the rest of the evening was only a courtesy as his wife. They had yet to discuss Gabriella's departure because there just never seemed to be an appropriate time to bring it up. Oh, by the way, sorry I roughed up your daughter and caused her to leave, but could you pass the potatoes? There was also never a good time to bring up the fact that they hadn't had sex in months, but that was a subject he would not push. She needed time after his royal fuckups and he was going to give her all that she needed no matter how often he was reduced to jacking off in the shower. He walked inside and didn't bother with the lights as he pulled a bottle of water from the fridge. The cool liquid coated his burning throat while his eyes slowly adjusted to the dark. During the day he kept his mind busy with lesson plans, grading papers, staff meetings and the dozens of home improvements that needed to be completed. But in the deep of the night when time slowed down, memories that had been filed away long ago crept back to the surface of his conscience and played out before his eyes. The good, the bad...the really bad...and the really good. It was only during these lonely hours he'd allow himself to think of Gabriella and the color that had now seemed void from his life. If Patricia was the softest, warmest shade of sunlight that kissed his skin, then Gabriella was the flash of vibrant neon yellow whose hue lingered beneath his lids long after he'd closed his eyes. It was here in the kitchen that had started his descent into madness. What began as their usual push and pull morphed and twisted into the dangerous, draining, addictive game that they had played for nearly two years the night she stripped before him. But if he were being honest, he had noticed her before that night. It was hard not to as she pranced around in every short tight outfit in the closet of a rebellious teenage girl. He saw the looks on men and boys faces as she walked by, her hips slightly swaying and he knew what they were thinking. He knew... But he had always mentally and physically drawn a line. Until that night, he had never encouraged anything. But after the deed was done, his constant hunger for her was the only encouragement she needed and soon the lines of lust and love blurred, tossing them both on a whirlwind rollercoaster that neither of them was prepared for. He shook his head and quickly drained the bottle before tossing into the trash and walking into the garage. He began chipping away the wasted time working on his bike. The night Patricia had left him and he dropped Gabriella off at Steven's, he had come home and emptied an entire bottle of Jack Daniels and half a bottle of Vodka into his system. Once all rational thought had left, he did an eenie-meenie-minie-moe between his hockey stick and baseball bat before the bat won, and he took out every ounce of frustration he had on his 1976 CZ classic. By the end of the ordeal, the vintage bike was unrecognizable. The same motorcycle he'd spent almost ten years slowly restoring lay scattered everywhere in broken bits and pieces. But luckily he passed out, completely spent on the cold garage floor before his Yamaha could endure the same wrath. "Shit." Simon felt around for the loose screw, but the tiny piece of metal skittered away. His head fell back against the concrete as he stared at the underside of the damaged motorcycle. "It's beginning to look like a bike again." He rolled his head to the side and found Patricia by the door. Her hair was tucked behind both ears and she wore an old Rangers jersey of his that swallowed up her petite frame. Her body was engraved into his memory from head to toe, including the bunny shaped birthmark that was on the inside of her left thigh, two inches from her sex that he'd kissed countless times. "Still looks like a piece of scrap metal to me." He locked the bolt in place. "Did I wake you?" She nodded and leaned against the door frame. "I'm sorry." "That's okay. Are you coming back to bed soon?" "In a few minutes. I just want to get this on." "Okay." She remained by the door, her eyes taking in the mess around him. He sat up and wiped the grease from his hands. "Everything okay?" "Long day I guess." "Want to talk about it?" Patricia shook her head and stepped down into the garage. He watched as she examined different tools on his work bench while carefully avoiding his gaze. "How was the interview?" "I didn't get it." "Well, their loss, someone else's amazing gain. Could you hand me the socket wrench?" "Which one is that?" He stood, dusted off his sweatpants and grabbed the shiny tool to her left, locking her body between his and the table, much like he had earlier that morning when she rebuffed him. "This one," he whispered so close to her ear, he heard her soft gasp. She looked up at him, her large hazel eyes tugging at his heart and conscience as they glazed over. Eyes so much like Gabriella's, yet so different. He leaned his forehead against hers and squeezed his eyes shut, remembering the day fate had given him a second chance with the woman he'd fallen for years before. Seemed like a lifetime ago. She had smiled and laughed at the small bagel shop as they discussed things that had happened since they'd last seen each other in college. He remembered their first conversation almost word for word. Patricia had been even more stunning than the twenty-year-old he remembered from school. He admitted to the major crush he had on her and how he wasn't able to shake her from his mind. He hung onto every word, hoping she would accept when he finally asked her out. "I've loved you for such a long time," he croaked out. He took several deep breaths to avoid any embarrassing unwanted emotion. "And I'm so sorry I hurt you. You have no idea how sorry I am. For everything." There was no way for her to understand what 'everything' encompassed, but he needed to say it, if anything to soothe his own guilt for a brief moment. Several minutes passed and when he opened his eyes, hers were closed and two thin tear tracks ran from each eyelid. He gently kissed her warm cheeks, wiping the salty sadness away. Soon her arms wrapped around his waist and her lips found his. He wanted to absorb her pain and if he could have done it through kissing, sex...or setting himself on fire, he would have at that moment. He wanted things back the way they were before he screwed everything up. Before she cried herself to sleep at night. Before her smiles disappeared. Before Gabriella... Hunger, anger, desire and guilt surged through his veins as he devoured her mouth. He jerked the oversized jersey over her head in one swoop and connected his lips, teeth and tongue back to hers. "Simon," she gasped out and pushed at his chest, but his body wouldn't cave. Not this time. He picked her up and walked her back into the house, his mouth tasting every inch of her neck, shoulders...anything he could kiss as her moans sent an electric current straight to his dick. He dropped to his knees in the hallway and gently laid her down, refusing to waste another second trekking to the bedroom. His hands shook as he peeled off her panties and fumbled with his pants and boxers. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, a gesture Gabriella had adopted as well, and he couldn't wait a second longer before he slammed his entire length inside her. She inhaled sharply as he pulled out and buried his cock deep and hard into her again. Her warm velvety center squeezed him, setting his insides ablaze as he wildly thrust into her, wanting to mold their bodies into one. Wild guttural noises filled the narrow hallway and soon he realized they were coming from deep within him. He felt lust crazy as he pinned her wrists to the floor above her head and lapped at her breasts and any other patch of dark caramel his tongue came into contact with. Heat and sweat rolled down his spine while he watched every sensation float across her face before she squeezed her eyes shut. He wanted to ease up and comfort her but his body and mind had long since separated as he continued to pummel her wet core into oblivion. Her mouth moved as she began to shake but he couldn't hear past the blood rushing through his ears. Tiny prickles ripped through every pore in his body before culminating at the base of his dick. "Oh, God...fuck!" He pushed deep into her as he released everything he had left. Every feeling, emotional and physical ignited throughout his body, sparking the most intense orgasm before his brain overloaded, leaving him an incoherent mass of nerves. His energy slowly waned but his hips continued to grind into her, albeit slower and steadier until his body finally gave in and he collapsed on top of her. They both breathed heavily for several seconds before he rolled off and stared up at the ceiling. His knees were raw and burned from the hardwood floor, but his mind spun the longer Patricia remained silent beside him. He had never lost control and been so rough with her during sex and now he worried that he had crossed an unforgivable line. He struggled to catch his breath as he wet his lips. "Honey...I don't know what the hell came over me." He leaned over her. "Did I hurt you?" She opened her eyes, her expression softer than he was expecting. "I..." He held his breath and braced for the worst. "...kinda liked it." "Shit, I know, I'm—what?" She raised her hand to his face and gently caressed his cheek. "I said I liked it. I really liked it." "You just..." He lowered his mouth to hers. "...amaze the hell out of me. I thought I had committed some form of spousal rape." She laughed. "No. But next time give me a warning." She winced when she sat up. "Because I think you shoved my womb aside." He fell back to the floor and laughed, pulling her on top of him. "I'll make sure to remember that." He pushed her hair from her face. "God, I love you." "I love you too," she said and planted a light kiss on his lips. Quietness settled over the narrow hallway as they both escaped into their own thoughts. He mindlessly stroked her soft back while she rested her head over his heart. "Simon?" "Hmm?" Several seconds passed before she said anything. He pulled her further up his body until she was closer to his face. "What's wrong, honey?" She wouldn't meet his eyes as her fingers lightly drew shapes over his chest. "This sounds crazy, but when I was at Myra's, she said...I mean, she thought..." A strange feeling flowed through him as her eyes glassed over. "She thought what?" "Nothing. I'm just being stupid." "You sure you're okay?" "Yeah. I guess I just haven't felt like myself since Ella left." "I know," he whispered. Neither had he. "I just...I wish she would at least take my calls." "Maybe you should go see her." She scoffed. "Yeah, that will go over really well with her. I don't need to give her any more reasons to hate me." "She doesn't hate you. She's tried to, but it hasn't quite worked." "Well, she's very convincing." Patricia sighed. "You know, whoever said parenting was rewarding was full of shit." Simon burst into laughter. "I'm serious," she said, but failed to stifle her own laugh. "Oh shit..." His sides cramped as his eyes teared up. He fought to control his last few chuckles, the spontaneous release feeling almost as good as sex. She shoved at his chest. "You can laugh, but it's absolutely terrifying. You're constantly anxious that you're going to screw them up and what's worse is you won't even know it until it's too late." He rubbed her back. "I know, honey. But that was the funniest thing I've heard in a long time." He kissed her. "I needed that." Gabriella Ch. 09 She lowered her head to his chest again. "Guess I did too." More time passed as they both lay still, their partially naked bodies entangled. "I love you so much." He breathed in heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose to squelch any tears. "I just don't know if I say it too much or not enough." She glanced up at him and smiled. "I think you say it just the right amount. And I love you too." She sighed and rolled off him. "I guess I will go see Ella. You're right, what's the worst that could happen? She ignores me. Been there, done that." "Exactly." She pecked his lips and stood. "I should get to bed. There's a job search with my name all over it in the morning." A mix of guilt and pride swelled within him when she wobbled toward their bedroom. But soon he also felt the aches from their lovemaking when he stood. "Fuck..." he mumbled and rubbed his knees. He made his way down the hallway and stopped at Gabriella's bedroom door. He and Patricia had an unspoken pact to keep her door shut, each for their own reasons. One morning when he had ignored the rule and opened the door, the heady scent of strawberry and cinnamon invaded his nose, momentarily short-circuiting his senses and leaving him short of breath. Nowadays it remained shut. Heaviness formed over his feet as he was held in place in the hallway, evenly between Gabriella's door and his bedroom door. He couldn't keep tiptoeing around his own home as if a ghost inhabited the room. It was just a room. Nothing more, nothing less. As long as it remained sealed, then it felt as though he were hiding something. He turned the knob and pushed the door open. The intoxicating aroma still lingered, but the bare cold room seemed foreign. Her bed was neatly made, crisp white sheets peeking beneath the lavender comforter which hadn't been disturbed in months. He tried to picture her in this space, lying upside down in a messy bed, her feet tapping against the wall to the beat blaring from her headphones. Or straddling her window sill as she smoked a cigarette. Or standing by the edge of the bed, slowly unbuttoning her shirt as she waited for him to make the decision to step through the door... Just a room. Nothing more, nothing less. He left the door wide open and turned to enter his bedroom. ********** Patricia Snowflakes swirled around Patricia, not heavy enough to stick but bothersome enough to freeze her cheeks and the tip of her nose. Her frozen index finger hovered above the intercom button to Steven's building as she contemplated her decision. She felt horrible dropping in on him unannounced, but had she told him of her impromptu visit, he would have tipped off Ella and something might have "come up" last minute to make her unavailable. Patricia held her breath, about to press the button when a car screeched around the corner with their lights blinding her. Ella stepped from the car and gave a half-hearted backwards wave as the car zoomed out of the parking lot. Patricia licked her lips as nervousness coursed through her the closer Ella's footsteps sounded along the stone walkway. Patricia exhaled deeply and stepped out from beneath the shadow of the awning above the door. "Hey Ella." Ella released a small gasp and came to a halt. For several seconds, neither said a word. "How are you?" Patricia asked, each word creating white cloud puffs in the night air. "Fine..." Ella answered slowly, her brow lifted. "What are you doing here?" "I came by to see if we could talk. I know so much has happened and we haven't—" "Tonight's not a good night." The tension crackled between them as they stood on opposite sides of their ten year impasse. Ella shifted her feet. "It's just that I have to be at work early tomorrow, so..." Patricia nodded, but couldn't force her body to retreat. Ella sighed heavily before moving around her and punching in the security code. The door buzzed and Patricia quickly followed after her. "Ella, we really need to talk." "And I told you tonight wasn't a good night." "Then when is?" "I don't know, I'll check my calendar and get back to you." "No." Patricia gripped her arm. "Tonight." Ella jerked her arm away and stared her down. "And if I don't want to?" Patricia held her ground with as much intimidation she could muster. "Then I'm going to talk and talk until you hear me, even if I have to do it through the door." Ella raised a brow. "Suit yourself." Inside Steven's apartment, Ella barely cleared the door before she pulled her burgundy work shirt over her head, leaving her lacey black bra visible to all. Patricia's eyes widened as she searched for Steven, but relaxed when she realized he wasn't there. She followed Ella into her bedroom and headed for the bathroom behind her when Ella slammed the door, barring her entrance. Patricia closed her eyes and leaned against the door. She knew better than to think Ella would make this easy on her. With a sigh, she picked up Ella's shirt and placed it on her bed. A few minutes later Ella emerged from the bathroom in a towel, an annoyed expression swimming in her eyes as she walked past her to the dresser where she pulled out light pink panties and a thin gray tank top. She glanced over her shoulder before shaking her head and dropping the towel. Patricia tried to remember the exact moment when she'd realized Ella had shed her girly string bean figure for the womanly curves she now possessed. Curves that had been a great source of anxiety once Patricia realized Ella knew exactly how to use them. Ella slid into her undergarments and turned around, her expression blank. She took in her daughter's freshly washed face. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, but around her temple and the nape of her neck, the small fine hairs curled as a result of the steamy shower. When she was in elementary school, her class pictures were always taken at the end of the day, after she'd played hard during recess, and her hair curled from sweat in a similar manner. The images of the past made her smile. "So what did you want?" Ella asked, cutting through the memory. Patricia's throat felt lodged with sand. Now that she was here to confront their past, saying things aloud was much different than keeping them deep in the recesses of her mind. Saying them aloud made them real and she had avoided that for so long. She quickly turned away and took in Ella's new room. "This is really nice. And a lot bigger than your other room. Are you okay living here with Steven?" "I thought he gave you updates." "He told me you were doing well, but I'd like to hear it from you." "I'm fine." "Good. And how's the new semester." Ella leaned back against her dresser. "Mom, will you please stop doing this?" "Doing what?" "This...this thing you keep doing." Ella sounded tired. "Look, I know you really want us to have this mother-daughter relationship you see in your head, but it's just not going to happen. I accepted it years ago and I really wish you would too." A thicker skin should have congealed over the years, but Ella's rejection still sliced through, opening an old wound that refused to heal. "Maybe one day when you're a mother, you'll understand why I can't accept it," she answered softly. "And after I explain everything tonight, I hope you understand why I can't..." a knot formed in her stomach, "...why I won't let go." She waited for Ella to contest or insist she had to go to bed, but when she didn't budge, Patricia began. "You know I was your age when I had you, right?" Ella gave a slight, bored nod. Patricia sat down on the bed, her knees losing their nerve while her hand ran over the smooth black and white patterns on the comforter. Her mind drifted back to those lost moments of her life. "I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know where to turn to. Your father was basically out of the picture and I knew I couldn't go to my folks. I didn't know the first thing about being a parent, but I knew it was the opposite of what my own had been to me. So after weeks of struggling to find an answer, I turned to..." her breath caught in her throat, "...Hopeful Living." She searched Ella's eyes for some confirmation that she understood, but Ella showed nothing. Just the same blank stare that she reserved for her. "Do you know what that is?" Ella nodded. "Oh." Then panic set in wondering if Ella had once had the same problem. "Have you ever been there?" Ella stared through her. "I know what it is." "Okay." Patricia couldn't think about it if she was going to get through this. "Well, I got there early and sat in the car for several hours, just thinking until my appointment time rolled around. And when it was time, I placed my hand on the door handle, and I swear to you Ella, right as I got ready to step out of the car I felt you move. Of course now I know it was only nerves, but then I felt this surge of hope and if I was ever going to make anything in my life right and mean something, it would be this. You. So I tore out of the parking lot and never looked back." "What does this have to do—" "Let me finish," Patricia said. Ella exhaled and stared down at her feet. "And I told you that only so you'd understand how I felt you were a miracle to me that day. You felt like this saving grace and I wanted to protect you from everything. Everyone. Including..." Images of her mother sitting at the kitchen table in a housecoat, lowball glass filled to the rim with vodka and a cigarette as she stared out of the window waiting for her father to come home rushed over her. "Including me." "My relationship with my own mother wasn't good. But I swore to myself that whatever emotional scars I carried from that relationship would end with me. That you would always be protected from that. But as I got older there were so many times that I felt myself becoming her. I wasn't cruel like she was, but I could feel my spirit deflate for no reason and all I wanted to do was be left alone to cry. And I refused to expose you to that, so I did what I thought at the time was right. I..." her voice faltered, "...left. I'd take long drives out of town and sometimes out of the state. I found myself checking into random hotels just to lie on the bed and get away from everything. Sleep the day away...my life away until I felt better. Whole again." She wiped at a quick succession of tears. "I c-could see you so clearly in my head, knowing you'd be watching your f-favorite cartoon as you ate a bowl of cereal. Then you'd t-take a bath and go to bed wondering when I was coming home. And I..." What little poise she had left crumbled as sobs overtook her voice and Ella blurred from the onslaught of tears pouring down her face. The constricting in her ribcage intensified, crushing her heart and lungs, making it impossible to breathe. She rubbed at her chest praying she wasn't having a heart attack. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply through her hiccups and sniffles while the quiet lonely nights on Hemley Street surfaced. The dark cramped apartment held memories that she hoped to forget. Memories Ella hadn't forgotten...but would hopefully forgive. "You have no idea how embarrassed and upset I am with myself. But I swear to you, I thought it was the best way to keep my issues from becoming yours. I saw firsthand with my mother how it could change a child just being near someone so toxic. It wasn't until later that I realized being left alone..." more tears tickled her face, "...was just the pretty way of saying neglected, and that was more harmful than anything I could have done had I'd just stayed." Everything quieted as time stood still. Finally the large weight had been lifted from her chest. All these years she had been too embarrassed to admit her failings as a mother, although Ella's behavior was all the proof anyone needed. But the lifted weight soared only for a moment before it came crashing down on top of her as a single tear hovered beneath Ella's eyelid before it dropped. She quickly swiped it away as another threatened but she moved from the dresser and rifled through her purse. "Ella, I..." She pulled out a pack of cigarettes and walked out without a word. Patricia stared at the spot Ella had vacated as her mind drifted again. Four year old Ella's soft sniffles and large wet hazel eyes watching her closely as she applied a Band-Aid to a nasty cut on her elbow after a tumble. Back then she had been able to kiss the tears away as she picked her up and told her that everything would be okay. But Ella had several more tumbles over the years and she had not been there to pick her up. No one had...until Simon. But she was here now and determined to make up for past mistakes and have a future with her. She took a deep breath and walked out. Patricia's heart dropped to her feet and she swallowed back a gasp when she saw Ella on the balcony. Her thin top billowed in the wind as she sat perched on the granite banister with one leg dangling over the edge. A shiver climbed up Patricia's spine when she slid open the balcony door and she wasn't sure if it was due to the chilly weather or the ten story drop Ella balanced on. "Please be careful." Ella blew smoke upwards as a quietness settled over the balcony, sweeping the clean sharp smell of winter around them. Patricia pulled her jacket tighter and squeezed her jaw shut to halt the clattering of her teeth as the cold night air showed no mercy. Patricia moved closer to the banister and stared out at the flickering lights of downtown. "Was I wrong to tell you those things?" When she didn't respond, Patricia glanced up at her daughter's profile. They may have shared looks, but that's where the similarities stopped. Most of her life she had been cautious, shy and a bit of a worry-wart, while Ella was reckless, uninhibited and indifferent. She was the peacemaker and Ella was the fighter. "I know that was really difficult to hear. Trust me, it was just as difficult to admit." "Then why did you?" Ella asked, still staring out into the distance. "Because I want you to understand how much you mean to me. You are the most important thing in my life Ella, and it kills me that..." She looked back out into the night to avoid more tears. "I know I can't make things right overnight, but I hope this can be the beginning of building our relationship." "I'm so important..." Ella began, tapping the ash from the end of her cigarette, "...yet you chose to rebuild your relationship with Simon first." Patricia's fear had finally manifested. The decision she knew would come back to bite her. "Please don't think I chose him over you, Ella. It wasn't like that. Things just got..." Myra's words taunted her, "...really complicated at Myra's and I had to leave." "Complicated." She stared down at her. "You want to hear a little bit of un-complicated truth?" Patricia leaned against the banister, bracing herself. "Maybe if you'd kept your appointment twenty years ago, you'd be a hell-of-a lot better off." "Ella! Don't say that! That's not true and I don't want you to ever think that!" "It is true, you just can't admit it to yourself. You wouldn't have been tied to my asshole father for life or wasted so much money on hotel rooms or even feel guilty like you do now. And Simon..." she shook her head and exhaled, "...well, things could have turned out differently for you." "I have never regretted that decision, Ella. Not for one single second in my life. You are the best parts of me and I love you more than anything...everything...and what I do regret is not expressing that to you each and every day so you'd never feel the need to question my love for you." She moved closer to Ella. "All I'm asking for is a chance to work things through and get to know each other again." "So then, how does this work? You tell me your sob story and I tell you mine? Because the truth is I wasn't sitting at home pining away for you. At least not after I wised up. Over the years, I had plenty of company to keep me occupied during your mini breakdowns." Patricia's cheeks grew hot. "I'm so sorry." She shrugged and tapped the ash from her cigarette. "I'm not blaming you. No one held a gun to my head to do all the things I've done." She glanced at her. "And I've done a lot, as I'm sure you've heard." "They may be things you've done, but they don't define who you are." Ella smiled. "I'm sure if you asked the people in this small town, they'd say it defines exactly who I am." "Well, I don't care what they think. They don't know you." "And neither do you," Ella slung back. The heaviness of that statement settled over Patricia. She turned and watched the city lights flicker in the distance. "Regardless of the past, I do know some things, Ella. And those things are more than what the judgmental busybodies in this town think they know." "Really, you know things, huh?" Ella flicked the ashes off the edge of the balcony. "So did you know that your daughter got out of detention sophomore year because she gave Mr. Garrett blowjobs?" Patricia opened her mouth but a sickening thickness blocked her throat, choking her. Whatever shock she expressed outwardly was nothing to the quaking inwardly. She remembered the constant calls and yellow carbon slips that came in the mail informing her of whatever disciplinary action the school would take for Ella's disobedience...all signed by L. Garrett. But then the notices and calls stopped and Patricia contributed it to Ella getting better. "Or that senior year, a small audience watched as she let two college guys—" "Ella, stop!" Patricia shook her head. "Please just...I don't want to hear those things." "Fine, I'll stop. But then you stop pretending you know me because I haven't been that little girl eating Fruit Loops and waiting up for you in a very long time. And if you really knew me now, I doubt you'd like me very much." "You're my daughter and nothing could ever change how I feel about you." "I'm not so sure about that," she responded quietly. Patricia hesitated before placing her icy hand over Ella's. "Well I am." Ella's eyes shifted from her face to their hands. Patricia quickly realized her mistake and tried to lift it, but Ella locked her fingers around hers and raised their hands. She held her breath as Ella slowly dragged her fingertips over the back of her hand until she reached her wedding ring. She began twisting the platinum band until it slid off. Patricia rubbed the small indentation left around her finger. A warm current flowed through her, remembering the small black box Simon slid across the crisp white table cloth at the upscale French restaurant. He remained silent, his eyes burning deep with more than just the question of marriage. Their love, promises, hopes, everything wrapped in forever was exchanged in those silent moments just before he blurred through her tears. She fanned her face, completely speechless as she nodded emphatically. Ella examined the diamond closely before slipping it onto her own ring finger. Patricia was lost in her own thoughts when Ella spoke. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" "I said do you regret marrying him?" "Oh. No, never." Ella stared down at her. "Even though he cheated on you?" The words punched at her heart, still too raw when spoken aloud. "It's different when you're married, Ella. You endure a lot more than you thought you ever would. And in a way, it does make you stronger. Love each other even more if that makes sense." "Don't you ever wonder about her?" Ella asked, handing back the ring. "The other woman." Myra's venomous words prickled at Patricia's insides as she carefully observed her daughter. The other woman had been a young blonde student named Sarah according to Simon. The description had driven her mad as she did double-takes of every natural and bottle-job blonde within the city limit. But Myra had cast doubt on Sarah's identity and left Patricia struggling between a blurred vision of the girl Simon had described and another image, one sitting before her, which she fought hard to expel from her mind. There was no proof to uphold Myra's claim. No reason to suspect that Simon and Ella had ever had a relationship beyond the one she was privy to. What sane woman would ever accuse her husband of something so unspeakable? Gabriella Ch. 09 A bitter divorcee... Patricia pushed Myra's words away. "I did in the beginning, but it can drive you insane if you let it. It was making me miserable and I was making him miserable. So now, no, I don't wonder anymore. She was a mistake and I know he loves me and that's all that matters." Several moments of silence passed before Ella slid off the banister. "I should get to bed," she said and walked inside. Patricia followed behind, her nose burning as the heat from the condo filtered through her lungs. "I know that was a lot to take in tonight, but I was thinking maybe we could do this again?" She smiled. "Although a little less heavy conversation next time." Ella picked at the bottom of her shirt. "I'm not there yet, mom. I mean, I appreciate you being honest with me, but I just...it would be fake to pretend that things are okay." "I don't want you to pretend. I just want us to be able to take baby steps until one day things really are okay. That's all I want. And if that means just a two minute phone call every now and then, then I'll take it. I'd love to hear about school and your job." "Just a phone call? No more visits, right?" Patricia laughed. "Yes, just a call. I promise not to show up unannounced again." Ella gave a small nod and turned away. Patricia pulled her keys from her bag as a thought occurred to her. "Oh, Ella?" She stopped and looked back. "There is one thing I...well, a while back, as awful as this sounds, I couldn't remember if you had gone to prom or not. I don't remember seeing you go and Simon couldn't remember either." "I didn't." "Why not?" Ella stayed quiet for a moment as she leaned against the wall and Patricia braced herself for the inevitable brush off. "No one asked me." Patricia opened her mouth but then closed it. That was not the answer she was expecting. 'Because it's fucking lame' or 'I forgot about it' were the more Ella-like responses she normally received. She could have handled those responses, but this one broke her heart. "Oh God, Ella...I'm so sorry. I can't imagine that none of those guys asked you." She shrugged. "It's all about pictures and meeting parents and I wasn't really the right type of girl for that stuff." "Yes you are. And don't ever let them make you feel like you're not." Ella studied her for a long while then rolled back from the wall and disappeared down the hallway. "Tell Steven I said hi and I'll call you next week, okay?" Patricia yelled after her. "Yeah," Ella said before closing her bedroom door. The 'yeah' could have been for Steven or the fact that she'd call her, but either way, it felt promising. She closed her eyes and exhaled. It was going to be an uphill obstacle filled trek to repair the damage done, but she felt more ready than ever and for the first time she was ready to take it on alone, without Simon's guidance. She wrapped her scarf around her neck and made her way out into the cold night air feeling a tad warmer inside. ********** Gabriella Ella winced at the piercing blare from the buzzer. She stood against the back wall of the brightly lit gym and watched the two basketball teams race back and forth, sweat dripping and sneakers squeaking across the polished wood. Students, faculty, families and fans were crammed into the bleachers, chanting and cheering as time marched off the scoreboard. Plastic smiles were plastered on the cheerleaders' faces while they roamed up and down the sidelines in their skimpy red and white strategically cut ensembles, kicking their legs high and pumping their fists. Sporting events were not her scene, but having the night off while Steven was on a date was the prerequisite for a shitty boring evening. A fate she hoped to avoid even if it meant bumping into Terrence again. He had finally stopped bothering her after several of his midnight texts and calls went unanswered. She just couldn't fake one more night of orgasms and feigned interest in watching him resume a video game while she was left completely unsatisfied. Terrence stole the ball and tossed it down the court to a teammate who scored sending the roaring crowd to their feet in applause before the deafening buzzer sounded again. She pulled her eyes from the players and scanned the bleachers. The emerald scoop neck shirt, dark jeans and boots she sported were a stark contrast to the sea of red and white surrounding her. She briefly skimmed the row behind the goal and did a double take when she spotted Nolan. He was seated in the middle of a large animated group, but was the only one not watching the game. Instead his eyes remained on her. For a moment she was unsure what to do as they stared at each other. She never really saw him around campus and on the rare occasion when she did, he looked as though he didn't want to be bothered, least of all by her. She had heard whispers that he'd started dating a girl named Whitney. Ella wondered if it was the brunette with Rebecca that night at the movie theater, but her suspicions were confirmed as the girl sitting behind him wrapped her arms around his neck. He turned his glare back to the court and now the brunette's eyes were focused on her. Ella rolled away from the wall and walked back into the empty hallway. Her fingers lightly grazed the glass encasements that housed the crowning achievements of Darby's elite. Moments of glory throughout the years captured in the form of tarnished silver and gold trophies. She stopped in front of a team photo of the class of 1990. Her father's smile caught her attention as he stared back at her from the weathered picture. She read the list of names engraved in the plaque. Rodney Foster. He was positioned in the center on one knee holding a basketball. This had been taken right before the injury that caused him to bow out of their lives even before she was born. "Here to support your new boyfriend?" She spun around to find Nolan leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. Unlike Simon, Nolan wore every emotion on his face and she knew to tread carefully with the way he was staring at her now. "I don't have a boyfriend." "Oh, sorry," he responded dryly. "Let me rephrase. Are you here to support your new fuck buddy?" He took a step toward her. "You know, for a girl who hates sports, you sure do screw your way up the rosters pretty quickly." "Did you come out here just to throw in my face how much of a whore you think I am? Because I think I get it." She turned back to the trophy case. "So have a goodnight." "You know, Bryan may be an asshole, but he was right. I never should have tried to be serious with the campus—" She turned around, pinning him with her glare, daring him to finish his sentence. He was hurt but she had her limits. "What I do and who I do it with is none of your business anymore. You lost that privilege when you dumped me, remember?" "Was that not the correct response after finding out my girlfriend fucked my best friend?" "And now you have a new girlfriend, so why don't you get back to her and leave me the hell alone?" His eyes burned through her while his solid chest rose and fell rapidly. He opened his mouth to speak when the gym doors cracked open, letting the noisy crowd filter through as a head with long brunette hair poked out. "Nolan?" He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose before turning to the girl Ella had seen wrap a protective arm around him just a few minutes earlier. "I'll meet you back inside in a minute, okay?" Ella kept her eyes on the girl as she stepped through the door and approached cautiously, her eyes darting back and forth between them. She was a cute girl with accessible girl-next-door looks. She grabbed Nolan's hand, locking their fingers together. "But you're missing the game. We're winning." She turned to Ella with a perky smile. "Hi, I'm Whitney." "I'm Ella." "Nice to meet you." She looked back up at Nolan with longing. "Can we go?" He pulled out of her embrace. "Yeah, in a minute. But I need to take care of something, so I'll meet you inside." She stood there nervously as she glanced at Ella and then back to him. "Okay, but—" "Whitney, seriously!" Nolan snapped. "I said I need a moment." The brunette's eyes widened as she stammered over a few incoherent words. "It's fine, I'm leaving anyway," Ella said, turning away. "Enjoy the rest of the game." Nolan gripped her wrist. "Wait, I'm not done talking to you." She stared up at him incredulously before looking to Whitney, whose wide eyes shifted from Nolan's face to his large hand wrapped around his ex's wrist. He quickly removed it, as if she'd burned him and shoved them into his pockets. But not quick enough to gloss over the damage done as the three of them stood in an awkward cloud of tension. Had this been any other day and any other girl, Ella might have gloated at the look of defeat in her ex's new girlfriend's eyes, but she couldn't. This particular girl had done nothing to her. No doubt hearing her tales of whoredom from Rebecca and God knows who else, she had only wanted to pull her boyfriend far away from a girl who was a threat to their relationship like she had been to so many others. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell," Nolan said in a softer tone. "But I'll be done here in a moment, okay? And then I'll come find you." Whitney gave a small nod, though she looked close to tears. She headed toward the gym doors, and glanced back for a second before walking through. "You shouldn't have done that," Ella said when the door closed. "Are you really going to give me advice on what I should or shouldn't do in a relationship?" "I'm just saying she seems nice." "Yeah, she is. And she doesn't cheat on me which is always a plus." "Well then, I'd say you've traded up. Goodnight Nolan." She turned to leave. "He doesn't even care about you. Terrence. That's his name, right?" he called after her. Ella kept walking. "Then we're even because I don't care about him either." "Well I did care about you. But now I don't know what the hell I ever saw in you because it's pretty obvious that you don't give a shit about anyone, including yourself." She looked back at him. His eyes didn't match the hardness of his face. They were soft and unsure, remnants of the guy she hoped was still there. A guy she hoped her callous decisions hadn't destroyed. The past few months had given her a lot of time to put things into perspective, and she hated that Nolan had been caught in the crosshairs of her relationship with Simon. "I know you may not believe it, but I did care a lot about you too." "Fuck you." He turned to leave. "Nolan." He continued his quick strides toward the gym doors when she called after him again. "I'm sorry." He slowed, then stopped but he didn't turn around. She made her way to him, but stopped a few feet short. "I know you don't think very highly of me, but if we never get a chance to talk after tonight, then I just want you to know how truly sorry I am for hurting you. It was never my intention and if I could take it all back, I would in a second." Nolan turned around but his expression remained shadowed by the dim florescent lights. "And you were right that night at the theater. I wasn't the only one affected by my careless choices. I know a lot of people said things about me that hurt you and it was hard to take my word at face value, especially after I hid what happened from you. But I am being completely honest with you when I say I am so sorry and I hope one day you can forgive me." Seconds seemed like minutes as they stood quietly staring at each other. Soon the gym doors burst open and people spilled out into the hallway. Ella kept her eyes on him, but the rowdy crowd surged forward, pushing her back further and further until she turned and walked with the flow. She made it to a side door when someone grabbed her hand. Nolan didn't look at her while he maneuvered them through the cramped hallway to an empty employee break room. He closed the door but kept the lights off. "How were you just going to say all that to me then leave?" "What else should I say?" He crossed his arms. "Well, you can start by telling me what happened that night. Since we're admitting mistakes, I realized I never really gave you a chance to explain." Rehashing everything that led up to her rape didn't seem like a fun way to end her night. "Nolan, you know what happened." He raised a brow. "So you did sleep with him?" She sighed. "It doesn't matter. I've already apologized." "It matters to me. He said you were all over him and Josh backed that story, but now I want you to tell me. And look, if you did sleep with him, just be honest. I've already moved on and besides, there isn't shit I can do about it now. But I'm giving you a chance to tell me in your words exactly what happened. No interruptions. No fights. I won't say a word, but I'm not leaving...and neither are you, until I know once and for all." His eyes weren't bluffing as he stood between her and the door. "Okay, but I won't go into details, because despite what you say, you don't really want to hear that." Her palms tingled as the sights and sounds from that blurry night engulfed her. "I was wasted and made stupid decision after stupid decision and I can see how Josh assumed what could have happened. Everything was hazy. But after we got back to your place, I told him no, Nolan. I really did try to push him off, but he..." Bryan's smirk had brutally stabbed her insides almost as painfully as his uninvited hardened flesh had stabbed between her legs, "...he wouldn't stop." Nolan stared down at her, searching her eyes back and forth for what she hoped was signs of the truth. "And I know I haven't given you much of a reason to believe me, but that's what happened and I'm sorry." "If he raped you, why are you sorry?" he asked tightly. "Because I got myself into the situation." "Why didn't you call the police?" "If my own boyfriend didn't believe me, why would anyone else? Besides, I didn't want it getting back to..." chills rippled her skin at the thought of Simon finding out, "...my mom." He turned away and rested his hands atop his head, the gesture similar to Simon when he was thinking. Simon was everywhere. Nolan blew noisily before turning back to her. "You know, until that night at the theater, I believed him. Best friends since elementary. Sure, he could be an asshole, but he never was with me. But when he went after you like he did that night, for a split second I thought, 'if he's doing this in front of me, what could he have done to her without me around'. But we were so pissed at each other, that I pushed that thought aside. But now..." He exhaled again and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay." He quickly turned and headed for the door. "Where are you going?" she asked, anxiety whipping through her stomach. "Across campus to drag that motherfucker outside and beat the shit out of him." "No!" She raced in front of him and blocked the door. "Nolan, don't do that!" "No? He hurt you!" "But if you fight him on school property, you can be expelled." "I don't care." He gripped the door knob behind her. "Yes, you do." Ella placed her hands against his chest. "And so do I. I don't want to cause another problem for you. Besides, you've already gotten him once. Twice actually. Three times would just be overkill, don't you think?" She forced a smile, hoping to alleviate the tension, but Nolan didn't smile back. "Look, it's okay," she whispered, pulling his hand from the door. "He didn't break me." "But he broke us! We'd still be together if it weren't for what he did." "But he didn't break us, Nolan. We did. Me getting wasted and you for not believing me. That's what broke us." He shook his head. "I can't let him get away with this." "Just you believing me now means more than you trying to avenge me. So promise me that you'll let it go." Several seconds past as he stared over her head, nostrils red and flaring. "Please?" she implored. After a few more moments, he gave a quick nod. "Thank you," she whispered, rising to her toes and wrapping her arms around his neck. When he didn't return the hug, she pulled back and searched his eyes. The burning fires of rage had died down leaving behind an intense hunger in his gaze. His stare was unmistakable but nothing good could come of her staying. So she quickly turned and pulled on the door, but it didn't budge. She looked up and found his hand flat against it, barring her exit. She slowly turned around and craned her neck, bumping her head against the door to look at his face. "Nolan..." "I hate that you were with him," he ground out tightly. She wasn't sure if he meant Bryan or Terrence, but before she could say anything his large hand snaked around the back of her neck, forcing a gasp from her as his lips descended on hers. Their teeth clicked against one another as his tongue filled her mouth, dancing with hers, drawing a unison of moans from deep within their throats. His grip tightened around her waist and her feet left the ground momentarily before her rear hit the table and he pushed her back flat against it. She turned her head to the side, gasping for air, while his mouth latched onto her neck. "Nolan, wait...we can't..." His hands tugged at her shirt before pulling it over her head. Her back arched against the chilled polish wood table, serving her chest up for Nolan. He quickly pulled the cups of her bra below her breasts and attacked her tightened nipples. "Oh, God..." Her resolve was melting as his fingers fumbled with the buttons on her jeans. She pushed at his chest in another effort to slow down what was happening. "What about your girlfriend?" He tugged her left boot off, ignoring her question, as he quickly peeled her jeans from one leg. When he discarded his shirt, his toned hard body made her pussy tingle in anticipation. He moved back between her legs, his hardness pressing through his jeans, teasing her slick folds through the damp thin lavender barrier of her panties. "What about Whitney?" Ella panted out. "I don't want to talk about her." She closed her eyes against the familiar metallic hum of a zipper unfastening. His fingers pushed aside the flimsy material of her panties and she felt the dull tip of his cock at her entrance. "Nolan, we should—" "I don't want to talk," he bit out brusquely before he drove his entire length inside her. She inhaled sharply, clawing at the tight muscles of his back. Her eyes rolled back from the physical sensation as he began to hammer quickly into her again and again, burying himself deeper with each thrust. She vaguely heard the crowd as they emptied out into the hallway, and hoped their celebratory cheers had drowned out the noises of her and Nolan's reunion. He fucked her with an unrestrained urgency that excited Ella. At this pace, neither of them would last long and she began to see the tightening in his jawline and neck as he squeezed his eyes shut. A prickling sensation slowly crawled up the inside of her thighs and connected simultaneously with her pussy and brain, producing a low shrill that erupted from her as she shattered into a haze of ecstasy. She quickly squeezed her lips together, biting back the evidence of her powerful orgasm. "Oh, shit...oohh...fuck!" Nolan's hips jerked several times before his body stilled above her. She closed her eyes to the warmth of his release as he continued to fill her. The shuffling in the hallway had died down and now all was quiet with the exception of his heavy breaths against her chest as they remained locked, heartbeat to heartbeat. She could still feel him pulsing inside her while she ran her hands through his dirty blonde locks.