15 comments/ 33457 views/ 55 favorites My Sister, Fiona By: GrandTeton My little sister Fiona, Fiona Alberta Hamilton, is quite the sweetheart. She is always cheerful and loving, with a devilish sense of humour. Fi is decent looking, very well-proportioned even though she's a small girl, with a cute face. She's pretty, not beautiful, but the kind of pretty that will stay with her. She'll be an awfully pretty ninety-year-old, I'd say, a face covered with laugh lines, livened up by those bright, mischievous eyes of hers, sometimes blue, sometimes hazel, sometimes grey, sometimes green, but mostly a mix of them all. The point of my story is how, when things went really bad for Fi for a while, really pretty awful when you come to think of it, people gathered around to make it right for her, or as right as it could be, enough so she could laugh again. I'll have to tell you about the bad, some, though I won't dwell on it, so you'll understand how much good there is in people. There's evil, too, of course, but that's not what my story is about. There are three kids in our family: me, Ron, twenty-two at the time; Fi, almost twenty, and Bree (Brianna), who was eighteen. Bree's a sweet kid, not as outgoing as Fiona, but a little taller and even better looking. At the start of the bad times, Fi was twenty - no, it was a couple of weeks before her twentieth birthday, the birthday that never was. She's had others, since; I don't want you to think she died. She may have wanted to, about that time, but she didn't, and now she's looking forward to being that pretty ninety-year-old I mentioned in seventy years or so. That's part of what the good people helped her with. A lot of good people, really. Fi was a sophomore at the local university. That's what mostly kept the town going. Like a lot of smaller places, manufacturing or processing jobs had gone away. We were lucky to have the university as an economic base. Of course, it made it easier for the three of us to plan on university educations. It was a lot cheaper to live at home. Mom and Dad weren't badly off, but three kids in college at the same time still cost a bundle. We all had jobs to help out, but serving coffee at the drive-through, or whatever, didn't produce a lot of money. My job at the hardware paid for my car. Fi's job slinging coffee bought her clothes. Bree's job in the alumni office kept her in whatever she spent it on. Bree was in first year, and I was going to graduate. Bree had been accelerated once, even though they weren't supposed to do that anymore. She was smart enough, and a pretty good soul to go with it. Fi and Bree were able to share a car of their own, better than mine, actually. It was in March. I got a call from the administration. I wasn't in class at the time, so I accepted it. "Yes, Ron Hamilton." "Mr. Hamilton," a voice spoke in my ear, "please come to the office of the dean of student affairs immediately." "I'm sorry, but I have a class in five minutes." "We'll make your excuses. Please come immediately. It's very important. There's a problem, a big problem." "Okay, I'll be there." Bree was there when I got there. She'd been called, too. In her case, they'd called her professor and hauled her right out of class. I suppose it helped that they'd had our schedules. I wondered if it was Mom. She was out on some sort of field work, scheduled to come back the end of the week. If that was so, then where was Fi? "Do either of you know where your parents are right now?" the administrative assistant asked. "It's extremely important." "No, Dad is at the capital for something to do with the government, and Mom is up in the mountains on a biology project, and there's no cell reception." Okay, so it wasn't Mom. "All right. Please go in to see Mr. Wales. He's expecting you." Bree made no sign she had any more idea than I did of what was going on. We exchanged glances, talking the way some siblings can without words, but neither of us had a clue what was going on. "Mr. Hamilton, Ms. Hamilton, I have very bad news, I'm afraid," the dean started out. "Your sister Fiona has been attacked on campus, in the gym, actually, by one of our staff. She was raped. She's in hospital, now. We have the man we believe responsible, and we've turned him over to the police. My assistant will take you to see her, now." "I can take Bree," I started, but he cut me off. "As upsetting as this has to be for you, as it is for me, you shouldn't drive. I'd take you, but I don't think I should drive, either. It's important for you to see her, though. She's gone through a terrible time, and needs all the support, the love and friendship, that she can get. Please help her." "Of course." Bree and I started to hug each other. We had to support each other. This looked to be a really terrible time in front of us, for us, and especially for Fi. Nobody. least of all Fi, deserved that kind of problem. We had to support each other or we could never support Fi. "Does she have a special friend, or a boyfriend, or both?" "Yes, Susan Martin has been her friend since grade school, and Fi's been going out with Josh Talbot." That sounds better than it actually came out, as I sort of gasped it. Bree couldn't speak, just nodded to confirm what I'd said. We were still hugging. No tears, not yet, anyway. "We'll see that they're advised. Poor Fiona. You know, I'm a gentle man, but I felt so much like I wanted to kill that son of a bitch, I really did. "Look, you've got to go see her. Help her. Show her how much she's loved. I know that much. I'll want to see her, and you again. We are arranging counselling for everyone involved, and anyone else who feels they might need it. Poor girl. Go. Help her." We went. I was impressed. He hadn't once said how awful for the university, though it was, and would be. The dean's assistant took us straight into emergency. The hospital wasn't far. It was part of the university complex, in fact. "Fiona Hamilton?" she asked at the desk. "Room 42, but you can't go there." "Family." "I'm not paying attention to any bureaucratic rules around here," she confided to me. "I make too many of them up myself. We've got to get in to your poor sister, and we're going to." At the door to Room 42 we found a cop. "I'm her brother, this is her sister, this is the university rep," I explained when he tried to block us. I'm not sure how cogently that came out, but I guess I made myself clear. "All right, go in. Somebody from the media tried to get in a few minutes ago, and she's not up for that, not nearly. The doctor is there, now, and she'll boot you out if she doesn't want you." Fiona was crying quietly. She looked like hell. I took one hand, and Bree took the other. Bree started to cry, too, quietly, tears pouring down her face. I suppose I was crying as well. Hamilton Family Waterworks, but it was no joke. "Ronnie? Bree?" "Yeah, it's us, cupcake." I was the only person in the world who called her cupcake. I don't know why I called her cupcake. I just always did. Except maybe when we were mad at each other. It didn't happen often, but sometimes. We were siblings, not lovers, though I suppose even lovers fight occasionally. "Bree's here, too, cupcake. We love you." The doctor just stayed back out of the way. No "I'm the doctor and I know best" shit. I don't know that she didn't know best. Fi needed support just then more than anything else, and that's what we were there for. That's what family's for, to be there when you need someone. A few minutes later, Susan Martin and Josh Talbot came in. They both looked liked death warmed over, and not warmed up too much, at that. Susan took one look, touched Fi's hand in greeting, and hugged Bree. Josh took the hand Bree had been holding, ever so gently. "It's Josh and Susan," I told Fi. Fi seemed to be unhappy Josh was there. Was it something stupid, that maybe she'd been spoiled for him? I had no idea, but I was putting a stop to it. "Fi, Josh is here because he loves you." I didn't know what the state of things between Fi and Josh really was. They were kind of joined at the hip. I had no idea whether they'd ever told each other "I love you." People don't say that enough, anyway. Regardless, he was in love with her. I don't think he'd have come if he hadn't been, but maybe. It was the look on his face when he saw her, worship and pity and love. He was in love. He'd gone right over the edge. "Yes, Fi, I love you," Josh added, in a tone that suggested he hadn't even known it himself until just then. It's hard to know your own heart. It happens sometimes when a person who has always been there for you is somehow threatened, and you realize in your heart the loss you face, the love you stand to lose. When it does, it lasts. It happened to me, so I know what I'm talking about. Susan took Bree home a little later. You couldn't have budged Josh with a hammer. I wasn't going anywhere, if it came to that. Susan promised to stay with Bree, and Bree promised to be back first thing in the morning. Bree wasn't in the best of shape, but at least Susan could look out for her. I couldn't leave Fi. I guess I was like Josh, simply not able to leave the one who needed me most. The doctor came back about an hour after Bree left. She'd hung around for about ten minutes after we got there, then took off on her rounds. "I have other responsibilities, so I've got to go," she said. "Make sure your sister knows I'm here for her, even if I have to come back. Call me anytime she needs me." She gave me her cell number. Fi hadn't actually said anything all the time we were there, but when the doctor came back in to check before she went off duty, Fi whispered "Thank you." The doctor was impressed. "You need me, you got me, sweetheart. Remember." Then she told me to get something to eat and to bring something back for Josh. "I know you're both going to be here all night, and no matter how much against regulations that is, I know it will be good for Fiona, and I'll make it all right. You eat and make Josh eat. I know you're not going to get him to leave, even for a minute. I'm going home. You've got my cell; use it if you have to. Keep her loved, guys, keep her loved." After she'd gone I told Josh I was getting something to eat. "What do you want, Josh. I'll bring something back." "Whatever. Ron, I didn't know I loved her, not like that. We were good together, you know? We were friends, maybe a little more than friends. I didn't know I loved her. She's going to be all right, isn't she?" "I don't know, Josh. I don't know. She's going to live, and she's not going to suffer any lasting physical injury. The doctor told me that much. What matters is inside, in her mind, she told me. She feels dirty. What she needs is the assurance that people still love her, that she hasn't been devalued by that creep, that she's still a good person people want to be with." "Tell me, Ron, what did you think when you heard?" "I wanted to kill the son of a bitch who made her hurt. I still do, but I'm not going to. That would hurt Fiona even more, and I wouldn't be here to help her." "Me, too. Is that when I discovered I loved her, really loved her, more than liked? When I wanted to take someone who'd hurt her badly and watch him die?" "Maybe, but maybe you just felt that the world would be better off without someone in it who could do that to anyone. I think, myself, that you didn't realize it fully until I told Fiona that you were here because you loved her. We all came because we loved her." "We all love Fi, Ron." This strange mushiness between a couple of guys about the woman one loved and the sister the other one loved was probably doing some good. We'd been talking where Fi could hear us, on purpose for my part though I don't think Josh noticed. I knew she wasn't going to hear anything but what she should hear, that Josh loved her, and the rest of us did, too. Nothing had been changed for her that way. Now I didn't know whether Fi and Josh had been sexually intimate. It didn't matter and I didn't care. It was their business if they had, and their business if they hadn't. What mattered, and what Fi needed to know in the most positive way I could establish, was that Josh loved her, now, after what had happened. Loved her more than he ever had, I thought. Of course, I loved her, too. Later that night, Dad finally made it back and came to the hospital right away. The dean had managed to get him on his cell. Dad had planned to stay over rather than drive back at night, but that plan went out the window. Dad had fire in his eyes. He wanted to kill someone, too. If the cops or the court system let that guy go, he was dead three times, and maybe more. Fi had a lot of friends. "How's Fi?" he whispered to me. "Not too bad, Dad, considering." Well, considering that she could easily have been dead. I thought I'd get Fi to notice Dad before I went too far down that track. "You asleep, Fi?" A little shake of her head on the pillow. "Didn't think so, cupcake. Feels too good with Josh holding one hand and big brother holding the other, doesn't it. I wouldn't be sleeping either if it was you and Bree." That got me a tiny smile, which was big payback, just then. Josh noticed and smiled his thanks to me. I took Dad out into the hall to update him on what was going on. Dad knew that Josh and Fi had been an item for a while. "Dad, cut Josh some slack, here. He's in love with Fi, more than he ever knew, and it's love that's going to bring her around, if we can." "You're right, Ron. I'm bloody glad you could be here for her. It's no surprise you're trying your best for her. Doesn't change that I'm damned proud of you. Let me spell you for a bit. "How's Brianna? It must have been hard on her, too. I don't think your mother will be back until the end of the week." "Bree's home. She's pretty shaken. Fi's buddy Susan Martin is staying with her. They plan to be in first thing in the morning. Josh and I will be here tonight. I don't think you can get Josh away from her until he collapses, so we're keeping a weather eye on him, too. The university sent somebody up in the hills to get Mom, so she should be back sooner than she'd planned. "Did you have anything to eat, Dad?" "No, I was leaving for the hotel when I got the call from Dean Wales, and I just started driving." "I'll get you something. You go keep Fi company." I told Fi Dad was back, and pried "my" hand out of Josh's so Dad could hold one of Fi's hands. Josh was a little embarrassed that he'd sort of automatically taken hold of both of Fi's hands when they came free, more because maybe it was a breach of etiquette than that he gave a damn that someone might see he was in love. He was a long way past that point, now. I knew Fi liked him, from things she'd said, but I didn't know about love. I kind of hoped so, since Josh was a pretty good guy, and he was smitten like I'd never seen before. When I came back with something for Dad, he was just holding Fi's hand and stroking her arm a little, murmuring things to her. "I love you, baby girl," stuff like that. I thought it was the right kind of thing to say. Fi seemed to be dozing, which was what she needed. After a bit, Dad seemed ready to drop off, so I chased him home. "Dad, I really have to stay here with Fiona. Maybe not for her, though I think it helps, but for me. Bree needs for there to be a man in the house with her tonight, and you're going to fall over if you don't get some sleep." "I guess you're right, Ron. If you and Josh are going to be here for Fiona, I'll go home and make Bree feel better and get some sleep so I can be of some use for Fi tomorrow. Susan needs to be let off the hook, too. She probably wants to go home, and neither you nor I want Brianna to be alone. I want you to come home and get some sleep when Brianna comes in tomorrow." "Okay, that makes sense. Take care, Dad." "You too, son." Bree told me that Dad almost collapsed when he got home, but she was very glad to see him. Susan was staying the night anyway. Bree found her one of her nightshirts and the two of them climbed in Bree's bed together after Dad fell asleep, maybe thirty seconds after his head hit the pillow. As our parents had bought us double beds once we reached a certain size, it wasn't too cramped. The double beds for the girls, especially Fi, weren't as necessary for size reasons - I was starting to stick out the sides and the ends of my old bed - but both of them often had friends stay the night, and the larger beds made that more comfortable. Whether either of them had friends over in the afternoons for activities that didn't involve sleep I didn't know, and didn't consider it my business to know. From something I overheard my mother say once, my parents didn't know and didn't want to know, but wanted the girls to be comfortable if something like that was actually going on. "Doesn't do your sex life much good if you fall out of bed in the middle of it," Mom had said. Come to think of it, Mom and Dad had a king size bed. I don't know if Josh dozed off any that night. I know I did, though never for more than an hour at a time. The night nurse stuck her head in to check Fi's vital signs and feel her forehead every hour or so. "Poor sweet chicken," she said once. Later on, I had dozed off again when I was awakened by Fiona screaming. I suppose it was the first of the nightmares, nightmares that would haunt her all her days unless we could get through to her, to show her she was loved and protected, that we were there for her and always would be. I hugged her from one side and Josh from the other. "We're here for you, Fi, we're here. We'll always be here for you." It helped some. At least she stopped screaming and just sobbed. We held her, not so tight that she felt constrained, just comforting. She thrashed around some in our arms, as much to be sure we were there as anything, I think. Both of us made sure she knew nothing harmful was going to get through either of us. The night nurse came down and administered a sedative. It was a light one, she said. "Thank heavens you boys are here for her," she told us. "There have been cases here when no one was around for the victim. That was awful." Josh held Fi the rest of the night. I held her hand, "my" hand. I didn't doze off again. Sweet little Fiona, bright and bubbly, in the throes of a nightmare that was really godawful, reliving that attack. I would have killed that son of a bitch five times over if he'd been in front of me just then. Josh just loved her up, much better therapy. In the morning, Susan and Brianna showed up at about eight, which was an abominably early hour for Bree. "Ron, before he went to bed Dad said to chase you home when we came in. He's still asleep and we were careful not to wake him." "Too bad," Susan chortled, "your dad's hot." She had Fi in her peripheral vision, and laughed gaily when she saw a brief grimace of distaste on her face. "Come on, Fi, you're not supposed to notice, but I do. I'd make a play for him if it weren't for your mother. I'd never want to do anything to hurt her. Besides, as long as your mother's alive, I don't think your father would ever even look at another woman." Fi nodded slightly in confirmation. "Goodbye, cupcake. I'm going to go get some sleep. I'll be back later." I squeezed her hand, and Fi squeezed back, which I thought wasn't bad, and Bree took her hand, "my" hand, from me. "You all right, Bree?" "Yeah, Susan's been great. Go to sleep when you get home, Ron. Dad can take care of himself, and they think Mom will be home by suppertime." "I'll do that." I kissed Fi goodbye, and perhaps to her surprise, I kissed Bree goodbye, too. Feeling magnanimous, or maybe just dead on my feet, I kissed Susan, too. Fi smiled at that. I drew the line at kissing Josh, which relieved him from the difficult choice: could he let Fi's hand go for long enough to clout me, or would he have to try to stop me with an elbow? My Sister, Fiona I grabbed something to eat when I got home and fell into bed. Dad had left his door open, but he was still sleeping soundly. When I woke up late in the afternoon, Dad was gone. There was a little sticky on the message board: "Gone to hospital". I was sure I was going to see that one a lot in the next few days. I was getting ready to go relieve Brianna when Mom drove up. She ran into the house. She was crying pretty bad so I just grabbed her and hugged her, no words. She calmed down after a few minutes. "Thanks, Ron, I needed a little love myself." "Have you been to the hospital?" "Yes, Fi is the same. Brianna said to tell you not to hurry. She's good for a while. Susan said" - Mom smiled at this - "that she didn't mind if you hurried up, that it had been a nice kiss." I explained to Mom that I'd been pretty punch drunk at the time. "It's all right, Ron, Susan's a nice girl, though I really think she was just trying to get Fi going. Or maybe she meant it, but only said it out loud to get Fi going." "Why don't you get cleaned up and changed, Mom, and I'll drive you back over. We can pick up some takeout on the way to feed the starving hordes." "Sounds good." "You saw Josh, Mom, is he all right?" "Well, he may die of love, especially if Fi doesn't love him back, but apart from that he seems to be fine, but tired. Bree said she and Susan had tried to get him to lie down for a while. My guess is he won't collapse until probably mid-morning tomorrow. Your Dad can handle it then. Let me go get cleaned up." About half an hour later Mom came down from upstairs, showered and changed. She'd even put on a little make-up. She saw my look of surprise and giggled. "Even if the world has ended for us, Ron, I'm not about to let your father think the nurses are prettier." "They couldn't be, Mom." See, I wasn't as far out of it as I could have been. My eight hours had been good for me. We picked up Chinese on the way over, a lot, because I was sure Josh hadn't eaten much. I doubted that Bree or even Susan had had much more than a couple of doughnuts, and Dad would have been as bad as Josh. Turned out I was right. After we'd eaten it was the changing of the guard. Mom chased Dad and Susan and Bree out. Dad made her promise to come home later. Josh and I would stay the night again. Bree told me that Fi had slept some, but her natural sleep had been interrupted by nightmares (or are they day-mares if the sun's up?) that being hugged appeared to help with. Fi was getting stronger, and would talk a little, but it seemed to Bree that being stronger made Fi's nightmares stronger, too, and I should look out for that. I kissed Bree on the lips, Susan, too, who made a production of it for Fi's benefit - Fi even giggled - and kissed Fi hello. Bree gave Fi a quick kiss goodbye. I waved goodbye to Dad. Susan gave Josh a pretty hearty kiss. Fi smiled, and whispered "He's mine." "That he is, sweetheart, that he is," Susan conceded, "but your brother's fair game." I didn't see Fi's reaction to that. Bree seemed a little startled. I was, too, but then Susan had a tendency to the outrageous. For the life of me I couldn't remember who her boyfriend was, though I knew she and Fi had double dated a few times, Fi with Josh and Susan with whoever. Mom stayed until ten, helping to settle Fi when the nightmare hit again. Bree had been right. It seemed to be stronger than it had been last night. Fi thrashed around a lot and we could tell she was trying to scream "No". When it was time for her to go, Mom was crying a little. Seeing her baby hurt affected her pretty badly. Josh and I weren't much better, even though we were more used to it by now. She kissed each of us and left. That night was really hard on us. Fi had the nightmare start up four or five times, each time worse than the last. She was getting wilder, and more vehement in her denials. On the other hand, when Josh and I hugged her to let her know we were still there for her, she settled faster, and towards the end of the night she would go back to sleep even without a sedative. The nurse explained that the doctor was allowing only a light sedative, good for a couple of hours at most, because Fi really had to let some of the violence, pain, horror out. Scary as the nightmares were for us, they were actually doing Fiona some good, she said. She would really be badly off if she kept it all in. "But don't push her. That's for the therapist when the time comes." The next morning, I kissed Bree again, kissed Susan, who made a real production of it, with obvious tongue, and got another smile out of Fi, and kissed my younger sister, too. Bree didn't seem quite as shocked, but was maybe a little resentful of Susan. She tried a touch of tongue, too. That was strange. I was shocked and had a hard time hiding it. Bree told me that things had settled down some at home. Susan had gone to her home, but I guess had had a bad night of it alone. Bree had ended up in bed with Dad and Mom, which I guess didn't interrupt anything. Intellectually I knew our parents still had sex regularly, but I didn't really believe it down inside. That sort of thing doesn't happen with parents. No, I don't believe in the stork, but I certainly didn't come from sex between my parents, either. I just conked out when I got home. Mom was up by then, fed me something and tucked me in. "I'm glad you're there for her, honey. It's going to be rough when we bring her home tomorrow. The university called and said you three are good for this week, but you and Brianna have to get back to classes starting next week. I don't know about Josh or Susan. They'll give Fiona her year." That night was the same as the night before, pretty much, but Fi didn't have as many nightmares. In the morning, Bree and Susan came in. Josh was out on his feet, and finally let go of Fi's hand. She seemed to miss the contact, even though Dad took over. Josh's parents came to pick him up. He was able to walk, but only barely. His dad held him pretty tightly. Josh's mom fussed over Fi a little, even with her own son exhausted, out on his feet. Maybe she had decided Fi was part of her family, now, too. She certainly would be if Josh had anything to say about it. Susan greeted me with a steaming kiss. Even under the circumstances my cock lurched. I probably haven't told you, but Susan was a fine looking woman, almost beautiful, about Bree's height, which means about four inches taller than Fi. She had a formidable chest, more than a handful, but not double D pillows. Bree was bigger than Fiona, but more reasonable than Susan, maybe half a handful for a guy with a fair sized hand like mine. Of course, I'd never tested that judgment with any of them. The point of all this is that Susan was a sexy woman, and it was no surprise she gave me an erection even though I'd been up all night to be there for my sister. Fi noticed the kiss, though not the erection, and was a little shocked. Bree looked even more shocked. I guess she noticed the erection, too. My parents, fortunately, didn't notice and Josh was so far out of it we could have been having sex in front of him and he'd only have tried to walk around us. Mom chased all of us except Bree out of there while they got Fiona dressed to go home. The rest of us congregated in the hall. Susan and I ended up around a corner, where she proceeded to kiss me again. I joined the kiss with fervour, and we were soon tongue-kissing and ignoring whatever else might have been happening. She dropped her hand to feel my erection. "Thought I could do that," she muttered, almost to herself. "Ron, we're going to have to see how far this can go, one day, one day soon." Since Susan thought she could feel my cock with impunity, I brushed my hand across her breasts, to find, as I had expected, that her nipples were sticking out hard enough I could feel their firmness even through what passed for her bra. "Oh God, that feels good, Ron. One day very soon, very very soon." Before either of us got carried away too much further, we heard Fi coming out with Mom and Bree. Bree was carrying Fi's case full of the things that had accumulated in her room, the way things do in hospital rooms. I took it from her so she could be more help with Fiona. I sort of thought Fiona would prefer her sister to a man just then, but I was ready to help if I was needed. Dad had gone down to bring the car around. Susan was drafted to help carry flowers, especially the huge bouquet the university had sent. There were smaller ones from friends, and the dean, personally, and even the assistant who'd brought us in that first day. I ended up with a bunch of them, too. Mom had taken some home the night before or we'd have never managed, even with the ones we distributed around the floor. Fi was walking, holding tight to Bree's arm. She was stiff from lying down for so long, and from her injury, but seemed to be glad to be up and around. We all managed to get into the same elevator car and started down. Fi thanked me for being there, with her eyes. She didn't talk much. Once home, we tried to sort the bodies out, and decide who went where and was going to do what. The problem with the bodies was that we had a spare. Susan said she'd talked it over with her mother, and unless we threw her out, she'd prefer to stay with us. She knew she could sleep if she was with someone, but she couldn't sleep at home and we, at least, knew what was setting her off. Her parents were concerned, but not really understanding. That sounds worse than she meant. Her parents didn't understand, didn't feel her grief and pain and worry the way we did, since we shared it. Besides, she wanted to keep an eye on Fi. Mom looked at Dad, one of those "What can you do?" looks, and agreed. Later that afternoon, Josh, still pretty zonked, arrived at the door. Mom took one look at Fi's lovesick suitor and invited him in. It was either that or he'd sleep on the doorstep, and who knew who would trip over him in the morning? Dad laughed. "Fi, are we going to get any more people we have to put up?" "Don't think so, Dad," she smiled. Fi had been sitting with one or another of us all day, not really talking, but enjoying being a person instead of a patient, having loved ones around her, surrounded by people who loved her. The hospital had been really good about helping her and their staff had been helpful and sympathetic, but just lying in bed was not empowering. Perhaps Fi shouldn't have been so positive earlier. We ate supper together, the first family meal she'd had since the attack, with Josh and Susan crammed into the table, too (they were on my side, and Susan didn't mind pressing a boob into my arm on occasion - Fi noticed, but nobody else except maybe Mom). After supper the visitors started arriving. First up was the dean, who had visited at the hospital, too, briefly. He looked around and smiled benignly when he saw all of us there with Fi. "I wanted to express our horror at what happened to you, Ms. Hamilton, but really I came to see how you are. I'm pleased to see you up and about and with family and friends. I want you to know that you're one of my favourite people. If there's anything I can do for you, personally, or as a representative of the university, you have only to ask. "For you, the university will grant you standing for the year if you're not able to go back before the end of term. I've checked personally with your professors and they are all prepared to give you final standing equivalent to where you are now in their classes. You stand very highly in each of them. Every one of them has asked me to pass on to you their condolences and best wishes, and they hope to see you back, soon. Some of them, perhaps all, will drop by over the next few days to offer their best wishes for a speedy recovery, which is a sentiment held by everyone at the university, faculty and students alike. It's not required that you come back before fall, but we'd love to see you if you could, even if it's only to visit." Fi was taken aback a little at the vehemence of the invitation, but I could see she just loved it that they all wanted to see her. "As for the rest of you, we have less scope. You two" he pointed to Bree and to me "are good until next week. I know how important it is for someone to be with Fiona, and how much you love her. God knows I do, too. You have to get back to classes next week. I'll cut you as much slack as I can, but you'll have to scramble to save your years. You can do it, I know, and your professors will help. "You two," he meant Susan and Josh "and I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you both here, have to be in class tomorrow. I can't give you any more breaks because you're not family, even though I'm quite aware of how important you are in Fiona's support structure. We're rewriting the regulations, but I'm stuck with what there is. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt when I can, so give me some doubt to work with, okay?" We all laughed. He gave Fi a quick hug, and a little peck on the cheek, and left. After that, a couple of Fi's girlfriends came over to wish her well. "Fi," one of them said, "Dean Wales said we had to space it out and not overwhelm you. We all wanted to come, but the two of us won for tonight and there'll be others tomorrow and every night. I didn't want you to think we were the only people who wanted to see you. We all did. Anything you want or need, send word. Oh Fi, we're so sorry for you, and so glad you're getting better." More hugs and little kisses and a few tears. Finally, Fi's favourite prof dropped by. "Fiona, you have to see the organization to believe it. The dean's assistant has the entire university community booked to see you, in small bites. Call her if you want people to come at a different time, or not at all. "They have a beautiful, startlingly beautiful, picture of you up in the rotunda, and there are flowers and kisses and notes and get betters and little gifts all around it. The dean's own idea, I guess. Anyway, it's impressive. I shouldn't think there is anyone in the university community who hasn't contributed a little something." He showed her a picture he'd taken on his phone. It was quite impressive. "People want to give money, too, Fi." "No." "Of course not, but maybe to support the rape crisis centre?" "Yeah, that would be good." "I'll pass the word." A hug and a kiss. "I'm it for tonight, sweetie. Sleep well, and I hope we see you back soon." He wasn't quite the end. Fi's doctor came by for a few moments. "This isn't really a house call, Fi, I just wanted to see you. Can we go up to your room for a minute so I can do a quick check?" "Okay." "Good to see you in the hearts of friends and family. Lets you know what really matters, doesn't it?" "Yes." They came down again in a few minutes. "I've left you some capsules. It's a sedative, in case the nightmares get too rough. I'd prefer if you could ride them out, let your subconscious get rid of whatever garbage it's building up about this, but don't push yourself too hard. Keep your balance." "Thank you, doctor." Dad was having some trouble with a guy at the door. Josh and I were edging over to be of help if needed. "Doctor," Dad called, "the inspector wishes to interrogate Fiona, and I have stated that she is not to be bothered tonight. He advises that since she is of age, I can't speak for her. Do you have any thoughts?" "Medically speaking," the doctor told the inspector, "Fiona should not be questioned concerning the attack for at least another week. Not before Tuesday. I have arranged therapy for her beginning day after tomorrow, and her therapist may have a different view, in which case you will be advised. "Good night, Fiona. You have my cell. Call me if you need me, all right?" "Yes, thanks." The doctor left and the inspector left, not as happily. We still had to allocate bodies to beds. It got complicated quite quickly. I saw Dad trying not to laugh, and Mom grinned happily. She always enjoyed having people around. The first draw had Susan sleeping with Bree (Mom was broadminded, but Susan sleeping with me was not on, and not just because neither of us would get any sleep) and Josh was sleeping on Fi's floor. He wasn't going any farther from Fi than that. With three of us in a four-bedroom house, we didn't really have a guest room, and hadn't had one since Mom let Fi have her own room when she was ten. Then it got messier, since Fi said she wanted to sleep with me. That wasn't a problem for anyone except Josh. She told him clearly that she wasn't sleeping with him. "It's not that I don't trust you, Josh. It's that I don't trust me, and if we push that too fast we could ruin it for always." Josh was torn between not being able to sleep with Fi or near Fi or even in the same room with Fi (I had my standards), and the promise that maybe she did return the love he felt for her. Smart man, he opted for the long term and smiled to himself, a sort of looking forward to joy unbounded in the not too distant future. We got another shuffle along about midnight, when Bree came in to sleep with us and Susan crawled in with Josh. Those two weren't really interested in each other, but they were both interested in Fi and took a lot of comfort from each other. I think they both slept better for the company. Dad woke us up in the morning. Apparently having two bodies in the bed had settled Fi. If she'd had a nightmare it must have been a very quiet one, or maybe it was chased off by the greater nightmare of sleeping with both her brother and her sister. Anyway, Dad woke us up measuring. Normally he'd never come into my room, but he had a right to check on his daughters, and I didn't mind. We were only missing Mom. "Whatcha doing, Dad?" "Measuring, Ron. See this tape in my hand. It tells me things like how wide your room is." "Thanks, Dad, I appreciate the explanation. I hope I'll be able to be as clear when I don't answer my son's questions. Why are you measuring my room? Are you checking to see whether you can fit a desk in here when I leave after graduation? I suppose it is only a couple of months away." "No, I wasn't, but now you mention it, I should check," and he was off, taking more measurements. I was pretty sure that was all fraudulent, since he could use the measurements he'd already taken to check almost anything he thought he might do with the room. Eventually, he decided the joke had gone far enough. "Ron, I was just seeing whether we could fit a bigger bed in here. We should be able to get a queen in; there's not enough room for a king." "Why do I need a bigger bed?" "If three of you are going to be sleeping in it, the one you have is too cramped." "That was a one-time thing, Dad. It won't happen again." "Want to bet? Say, doing the dishes for the next month?" "No, I don't think I'd better. Want some help?" Susan had brought a bag, so she was able to go to class right from our place. We all got a kiss as she left. I sort of liked mine. Susan really knew how to kiss so you wouldn't forget it. Josh hadn't brought anything, so he had to go home first. He kissed Mom and Fi and Bree, much to Bree's surprise. He spent a little longer on Fi, of course, and she wasn't really keen on letting him get away after. Mom and I shared an "aren't they cute" smile. Mom and I stayed home. Dad went to work, knowing Fi was in good hands. Later that morning the president of the university came by. He saw Fi and just swept her up in a big hug. "I'm supposed to talk to you about releases and garbage like that, sweetheart, but I'm just so glad to see you getting better. It was awful, and we hated it. Get better soon, and come see us." My Sister, Fiona He had more than one tear in his eye, and couldn't speak very well, so he left quickly. "So much for the guy we all thought was a cold-hearted bastard, Fi." "Oh Ron, he was so sweet. Such a nice man." Mom made Fi have a nap in the morning, and I went up to join her, trying to make up for all the sleep I'd lost. In the afternoon, Mom napped with her, while Bree and I cuddled on the couch. That was comforting. We had our restrained but enthusiastic set of visitors in the evening: classmates, another prof, and the doctor again. Fi had been awfully edgy about going out, even to therapy, so the doctor agreed to arrange for the therapist to come by the house. "At a guess, people, therapy is going to be pretty rough at first. Leave them be. Fi has to get the terror up on top where it can be dispersed, cured, dealt with, so she doesn't hide it away with feelings of non-worth and other fears that have no basis. That will be hard for them both. The therapist I've asked to look in on her is incredibly good with this kind of problem." "But she doesn't know what it was like," Fi wailed. "That's where you're wrong, sweetheart, and that's why she's so good. She'll tell you anything else she thinks you need to know." The therapist came the next day. Fi was really very nervous, but it turned out to be a woman a little bigger than Bree, very pretty and very businesslike. "Hello, Fiona. Do they call you Fi? That's a pretty common nickname, I'd say. Better than Bifonia, which I've also heard." "Yech," was Fi's response. The therapist laughed at her. "We'll see what we can get done this morning. I'm happy to see you've got family gathered around for you. It will be a while before you can get along without them. Are you sleeping alone?" "No, I slept with Ron last night, and Bree joined us, too." "What about nightmares?" "Mostly in the hospital. I don't remember any the night before last, and there was one, not too bad, last night." "Okay, let's you and me go to your room and do some work. It could get loud, people, ignore us. Want to show me the way?" Fi and the therapist went up to her bedroom, while the rest of us gathered on the couch, not really sure what we were doing or why we were there. Fi screamed a couple of times. It was a good thing Josh was at school or he'd have been up there in a minute. Somehow I ended up hugging Mom on one side and Bree on the other, and that's where we were when the therapist came back down. "We've made a little progress," she told us. "It's a bad case, but they all are. I'll be back tomorrow, since I think we need to work this out as fast as we can, for a few days at least. Keep her loved, the way you've been doing. Mrs. Hamilton, you should go up and stay with her for a while, and then she should get up again. It's hard work for us, so she should have a little rest, and then company." Bree and I stayed hugging while Mom went up to lie down with Fi. None of us had pressed her about what, exactly, had happened, and we weren't going to start now. Nobody had to warn us to let Fi have her own secrets if she chose to keep them. She might tell us one day, and she might not. No one but Fiona had the right to make that decision. What she did in therapy would stay there unless she chose otherwise. I was still hugging Bree, who was hugging back pretty hard, when Mom and Fi came downstairs a couple of hours later. I hadn't thought about it. It just seemed to be right. We sandwiched Fi into our little hug-a-thon without even thinking about it. Fi was pleased if her little smile meant anything. "Love you guys," Fi started. "That was a vicious session. My therapist really seems to know what she's doing, though. She got down a good ways, which is rough on me, but it seems sort of calmer afterwards. It's not fixed. That'll take a lot of time, she says, but it's more fixed than it was, if that makes any sense to you. I'm supposed to think about it some more. She says to count my blessings, too. It's part of my homework. I guess you two are big blessings, always there when I need you." Fi gave me a little kiss, which seemed sweet of her, and a little kiss to Bree, too. Bree kissed her back, so I did. Fi smiled at each of us, which was great to see. Fi hadn't had much to smile at, lately. "Ron, you can kiss me," she laughed. "I promise I won't take advantage of you." I guess she noticed that I had been slow off the mark, but a little embarrassment was a small price to pay for seeing her laugh. With luck we were going to get our sister back one day not too far away. I could tell Bree shared my feelings. Bree and I started back to classes Monday. We'd arranged that one of the four of us, including Mom and Dad, would stay home with Fi every day. It worked out as six, since Josh and Susan took a turn, so none of us lost too much time and there was always someone she knew there for Fiona. We could have hired a caregiver, but we thought it was more important for someone Fi knew and loved to be there, and the therapist agreed. After about a week the therapist dropped back to weekly visits, and after maybe a month Fi was able to go out to do the therapy at her office. The Tuesday after we started classes Dad took Fi down to make her statement to the police. The therapist was iffy about it, but eventually decided it was better to get it over with than to have it hanging over her. Bree and I went too in case Fi needed holding on the way back. We all expected it to be very hard on her. The police wanted Fi to meet with only one cop, a policewoman who was quite sympathetic. Dad said we had to have someone from the family and he was planning on being there for his daughter. Fi said she couldn't talk about it in front of a guy, even Dad. It was too horrible. Bree got elected. I'd say it was pretty awful for everybody. Fi came back from the video room just about falling apart. The cop was pretty shaken and looked like she wanted to kill somebody. She couldn't stop fiddling with her gun. Dad gave her a quick hug before he gathered Fi in. The policewoman was shocked, I think, but it was good for her. I could see her settling down. Bree was crying, really upset, so she was my job. I just gathered her in, a couple of small kisses to add texture to my hug. Thank God that was over. Nobody was any good for the rest of the day. I think Dad caught something from the cop, because he was back to wanting to kill someone. It was a good thing the perpetrator was at the regional detention centre and nowhere near him. Or me. The three of us kids curled up together on my bed and it was suppertime before any of us were able to get up. When it was my day with Fi, the two of us would curl up together on the couch, or in my bed. We would caress each other's bodies, not precisely in a sexual way, but probably not too far off, either. I don't know about Fi, but I didn't think of it as sexual. I thought of it as mutually comforting, sharing some love. That lasted about a month. By then, Fi was pretty much over her fear of the outdoors. It took another month before she was over her fear of strange men. Josh had started sleeping with her - Bree made me calm down, since it was just sleep as far as she knew. "It doesn't matter, Ron. If it makes her happy, it's what should be happening. You know that." "Yeah, too protective, I guess. It's my reaction to what happened that I didn't protect her from." "No way you could have done that, none." That didn't help as much as she'd meant it to. Bree didn't stop sleeping with me. Josh started talking to me again. I guess he had resented the fact that Fi appeared to prefer me. I knew it was simply because I was safer. It was a major step for Fi to come to my graduation. I was very proud that she'd made a real effort to come out for me. Mom, Dad, Bree, Josh and Susan all formed a little protective shell around her. All of her friends came by to say hello, to give her a kiss, to tell her how much she'd been missed. They were very careful not to overwhelm her. Her professors stopped by, too. The dean seemed to have tears in his eyes. Fi really enjoyed herself, I think. I was so pleased for her. As far as we could tell, Fi was well on the way to a cure. She wasn't back the way she was, yet, but she was starting to joke a little. She could go out and around, even in crowds, as long as someone she knew was with her. Graduation for me had come and gone. I didn't know, quite, whether I was going to work for Dad's company, or get a master's, or start out on my own, or what. Fi had been getting steadily better. All our support, and that of the others who had shown their love for her, had overridden her fear of the outdoors, and of men, and, mostly, of being alone. She still slept with me and Bree when Josh couldn't be there, but that was as much habit as need, now, and the three of us still stuck together most of the time. The attack had brought us together more than we'd ever been, and we weren't separating. Josh was around most of the time. Susan, too. She'd shed her boyfriend back when he was getting antsy about all the time she spent at our house, and I suppose she didn't help matters any by telling him how hot I was. I didn't think I was hot, but I didn't mind being told I was. I didn't have a steady girlfriend at the time, and actually hadn't gone out since the attack. I suppose I thought my sisters needed me, Brianna as much as Fiona. Maybe they did. Josh and Fi were getting kind of mushy. I figured any day now. Mom had made sure Fi stayed on her pills. She didn't mind Josh. She liked him. All of us, even Dad, thought Josh was a fine man, and if he and Fiona were going to get together, that was the way of life, and certainly not anything to get upset about. Mom didn't think they needed a little one just yet, though, hence the pills. Bree had been on the pill since she was sixteen, to control bad periods. At least, that's what she told me. I suppose you could say it was to prevent losing her periods for nine months, too, but perhaps that's a touch crude. It's hard to accept that your sister, the one you're supposed to be protecting, is, or at least was, a sexually awakened and active woman. That probably helped her get over the worst of it. One afternoon in late May Bree and Fiona were doing something up in Fi's room. Susan and I were in the rec room, trying to pick out a movie for the evening. Mom and Dad were at work. For a wonder Josh was off on some kind of errand and wouldn't be back before supper, either. Susan looked pretty good, as usual, but for some reason she seemed a little down. "Ron, do you think I'm attractive?" "Of course, Susan, you're a most attractive young woman." What the hell else can you say when you get asked that question? You certainly can't say, no, you're really pretty ugly, and your mother dresses you funny. Besides, it wasn't a lie. Susan was a damn fine looking woman, and in other circumstances I would certainly have done a lot more than just look. We'd exchanged a few heated moments, but they really hadn't gone anywhere. If I'd had a little black book, Susan would have been on the first page. I told her just that. "Oh, you're nice. You may be lying, but it's nice to hear." "Susan, what's got into you today? You know you're an attractive woman. You look good, you've got great legs, a lovely ass, a beautiful face and a fine chest. A very fine chest indeed." I leered a little, or at least I hoped it was a leer. "Besides that, you're a good person and fun to be around. You've been the best friend you could be for Fiona, and you've been great to the rest of us, too. How could you think any of us would think of you as less than attractive?" "I don't know, maybe it's just the day. I keep wishing there was someone for me the way Josh is there for Fi. They're so tight." "I can see that." "Ron, do you ever think you could make love to me?" Another one out of the blue, and serious, this time, not meant to be outrageous if her expression was any clue. She looked a little forlorn and a little lost. I overruled my first reaction, which was to tell her to bend over the couch and I'd show her. "I think so, Susan. You're certainly a woman a man could enjoy making love with. For me, I'm less certain. I don't like to get too close to a woman unless I have a real regard for her. It's sort of a test run for a long-term relationship, even marriage. I'm of an age when that is a real consideration for me. I don't think it is for you, yet. I do think you are a lovely sweet person." "Ron, do you think you could pretend, just for today? I know anything between us can't go anywhere. I'm pretty sure you haven't realized it, yet, but you're for someone else, and you're committed to her, and can never be for me. I can't fight that. I need to be held today, and loved, and I want us to make love once, to give me a memory I can treasure." "Susan, I don't have any commitments. I think you are special, but I agree you're not for me. We don't have that extra spark I've been looking for. Maybe I'll never find it." "You've found it, Ron, you just don't know it yet." I looked at her funny. I thought I should know if I'd found the spark of love I'd been looking for. "Please, Ron, just this once, for the sake of our friendship. Let me carry the memory with me." "All right, Susan. You're a beautiful woman, sweet and kind. You're a good friend. We can share ourselves, and make love. I do love you, though not in the way you want." Susan pushed into me and we started to kiss. My reservations seemed to be so much nonsense. I was a hot and horny youngster, mashing lips with another hot and horny youngster, and it was very good. Our tongues had investigated our mouths before, but worked hard to make sure there hadn't been any hidden secrets. Susan had a sweet mouth and a lively tongue. I dropped my hands from holding her head into our kiss and started feeling up Susan's sides, her straight back and her deliciously curved ass. Susan felt so good. Susan pulled back for a moment to pull off her shirt and undo and drop her bra. I got my own shirt off and had my pants undone before she swayed back in to begin kissing again. We probably didn't have a lifetime love, but we loved each other some, for sure, and this wasn't going to be a quick roll in the hay for either of us. I pulled back to undo her shorts and pull them down with her underwear. Susan was working on getting my pants and underwear off. I licked and suckled on her beautiful breasts. She grabbed my cock and started to stroke. I was suckling her nipples when Susan pulled away and dropped to take my firm penis into her mouth. She sucked gently, wrapping her tongue around me as much as she could while using her hands to wrap as much of my penis as she couldn't fit in and to caress my balls. It was an exquisite feeling. Susan stared into my eyes, sharing the love she felt for me at that moment, and I stared back, willing her to accept the love I could give her. I started to ejaculate. It was wonderful. I hadn't had time to warn Susan, but she held on, sucking hard, swallowing my spunk, no sign of distaste, still looking deep into my eyes. It was exquisite, wonderful. I sighed deeply. "Thank you, Susan. That was utterly marvellous. You have a talent. Love you, sweetheart." "Glad I had the chance, Ron. Come love me up some more." We fell onto the couch. I loved up Susan's breasts again, suckling her nipples and tweaking whichever one wasn't in my mouth at the time. Caressing her firm body and suckling on her breasts had me hard again quickly. She helped. I slid down her body, kissing her chest and stomach as I went, and thrust my tongue into her as hard and far as I could. "Wow, Ron, that feels good." I tongued her labia. They were puffing up with her arousal. I used the tip of my tongue to caress her inner labia, and thrust again into her. Susan had very responsive labia. I searched with my tongue for her clit, and found it erect and waiting for my attentions. A lick or two and a brief suck on it had Susan panting. I returned to tonguing her labia, up one side, down the other, repeat for her inside lips, then thrust deep again. Susan's panting started to sound ragged. I flicked her clit again, then sucked on it and I could see and feel her orgasm. Susan bounced, writhed and moaned with the joy of it. I continued little flickering kisses and her orgasm seemed to roll on and on. "Oh Ron, that was so wonderful. Oh it was great. Wow." After a few minutes, when Susan had recovered, I slid myself into her moist, warm and waiting vagina. It was tight, and Susan gripped tighter. I slid in with one long slow thrust, she was so ready. "Susan, this is fantastic." "Yeah, isn't it. Love you, Ron." "Love you, Sue." I pulled nearly all the way out and thrust in again, steady and slow. Susan lifted herself to meet me and gripped me once I was all the way in. My balls banged against her ass. We continued, slowly rousing each of us. After long loving strokes, I changed pace slightly, speeding up a touch as I brought myself up to the edge of orgasm again. Susan was tightening up, getting ready, and then she was into her climax, bouncing and writhing, milking me strongly as I shot streams deep into her. We were both at the peak for what seemed to be a very long time. "You are a wonderful guy, Ron. That was so very good. It will be a wonderful memory. I love you, dear." "Susan, it will be a fabulous memory for me, too. I do love you, sweetheart. I wish it was a love that would last forever, instead of just this once. Somewhere there's a love for me that will be forever, and somewhere there's one for you, too. Until we find them, this will be the most marvellous time ever for each of us, I think." "You're probably right, Ron, but it was marvellous, and I thank you. Your love is closer than you think. Take your blinders off, dear. My love is farther away." Susan came over for Fi as much after as before, but she didn't tease me nearly as much as she had. I guess she was incapable of not teasing me at all. I think we were both a little sad that the last bit to make it right for us just wasn't there. A couple of weeks later Josh and Fi were up in her room, fooling around a little. From the heated looks Fi had been giving Josh at lunch, I thought today might be the day. I gave a little cheer to myself. That would mark the final stage of her healing. Bree and I were lying down in her room. Both of us had been up late the night before for some reason. We were still sleeping together though we didn't really need the reassurance any more. We just liked each other's company. We heard a scream from Fiona's room, and I started up. Bree restrained me. I started to make out words. "Oh yes, Josh, that's great, Josh, wonderful, oh so good." Fi wasn't hurting. It was more like the opposite of hurt. I smiled. It seemed like Fi had made it past the last part of the cure. With luck, we had all of our dear sister back, and probably a brother, too, if all went well. I was really happy for Fiona. "Bree, I'm happy for Fi, since this is what she needs to be complete in herself again. Damn, I'm in love with my own sister. I think I'm jealous of Josh." "No, you're not jealous of Josh, Ron. You're a good guy. You're happy for Fi. So am I." "But I love Fi." "You know, you are in love with your sister, Ron, strange as it may seem, and your sister is in love with you. Maybe you should slow down and think about it." "That can't be, Bree. Fi is in love with Josh. You've seen all the signs for months now. It's pretty obvious they're a long-term twosome. I'd say they're a forever twosome except I don't want to jinx them. I envy them that connection." Bree squirmed a bit, pressing her body tighter against me. My Sister, Fiona "Right sentiment, brother, wrong sister." "Oh." It hit me then, right between the eyes, one of those "oh shit, of course" moments. I was suddenly awakened to the blindingly obvious. I figured that I was a little young for Alzheimer's, so I must have been just very stupid. I loved Fi with every fibre of my being. She was a wonderful sister. I wanted her better. I wanted her to have what was good in life. I wanted her to share love with Josh for the rest of her life. I didn't particularly want to make love to her, to hug her to bits, to be with her for the rest of my life. That's what she had Josh for. Uh oh. I wanted all that and maybe more with my baby sister. I wanted to make love with her, to share our bodies and our lives. "Damn, Bree, am I really that stupid?" "Seems so, Ron." Anybody as dumb as that can't be trusted out without the dog, or at least a little sister, to look after him. I rolled into Bree and started kissing. We aren't talking tame brother-sister kissing, here. Well, we are talking brother-sister kissing, but it was a far way from tame. Not fierce rip-the-lips-off kissing, but still serious stuff. It was at least "I want to rip your clothes off and make love with you" kissing, but I'd say there was a touch of "again and again and again" in it. Bree joined in with real enthusiasm. Scared me a bit. This was my only clean T-shirt, and if she ripped it off me the way I thought she was planning, I wouldn't have one until I got a wash done. I slipped out of it while her hands were busy elsewhere. Bree and I got naked with each other fairly fast. Then we slowed down to a crawl. Bree's body, strong and taut, with sweet breasts that were about half a handful - I told you I had big hands - was familiar in one way. She'd slept with me now, for two, two and a half months. You get to know the shape of the other person in bed with you, the way I knew how Fi felt and the way she was shaped. But Bree and I had never been naked with each other. We'd never run our hands over the other's naked flesh, the way we were doing now. We hadn't caressed each other's backs and bums and thighs. I started to kiss Bree from her ears to her chest. She writhed and moaned while she kissed what she could reach of me, and grabbed my penis, too. I licked her beautiful breasts, circling around with my lips and my tongue. I licked her nipple alert and suckled it like a baby. Bree moaned. I repeated with her other breast and nipple. Bree moaned again. "Bree, I know you're protected. Have you ever done this before?" "Not with you, Ron. I'm sure I would have remembered." "Bree, are you a virgin?" "I was one once, Ron, I think. That was a long time ago. I don't think you can be one again once you're not one." "Thank you, Bree." I bit her nipples, not hard, to let her know how much I appreciated a wiseacre lover. Bree laughed out loud. "Loving is fun, Ron." She was right. Loving Bree was fun. We got pretty serious for a while. I eased myself in to her warm and welcoming depths, surprised at how wet Bree was. "I've been waiting a long time, brother mine." Bree knew enough to make sure I was hitting all of her sensitive spots, realizing that my pleasure in our coupling was dependent on hers. She didn't quite take over. It was sharing, sharing the pleasure of our bodies while our minds focused on our love. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before, even with Susan. It had that spark, the missing piece in so many relationships, the part that said I love you, and I mean forever. Our orgasms, carefully nurtured and grown, hit us together. Bree gave a little scream of delight. I laughed because there had been an echo. Fi and Josh had been at it again. I kissed Bree, full of adoration, and knowing its object, now. Bree kissed back, in love, too. We snuggled for a while, then had to get up. Our parents had grown used to seeing us together, but not in post coital bliss. It was going to be hard enough disguising how we felt for each other, and supper was only a short time away. Bree and I showered together, enjoying the look and feel of each other some more. We probably took too long about it. Fi hammered on the door. "Come on, you two lovebirds, get a move on." We got towels and came out, refreshed but not replete. "About bloody time," Fi laughed. She hadn't been referring to the length of our shower. "Probably, little sister, and for you, too." "Yes, Ron, about bloody time." Not surprisingly, Josh followed her into the shower. "Time for you, Ron, and time for me, and forever for us both," he told me as he went by. Supper that night was very strange. Mom, being a mother and hence possessed of all knowledge, figured out as soon as she saw Fi that the dam had broken and she was as cured as she was going to get. She beamed. One glance at Bree and her face clouded over with confusion. Bree had, to her glance, connected with her one true love as well. Mom didn't know who that was, until she looked at me. I swear I could see the shrug, the one that said, "What the hell, they're in love." Dad noticed that Fi and Josh were solidly connected. "So, when's the wedding?" he joked. "About a year," Fi replied, and everyone else at the table choked, even Josh. Dad didn't notice anything between Bree and me. Mom told us later to cool it. He'd eventually come around, but don't cut into his joy at Fi's recovery, and his difficulty dealing with having to lose her again, even to a guy as good as Josh. ***** This story is essentially the same as the one posted by me a while back and later taken down, so it's not plagiarism. Voting is turned off because I don't believe in it for re-posted stories. GT My Sister, Fiona Ch. 02: Susan's Story Some of you may have noticed that the epilogue paragraphs of My Sister Fiona were not included in the re-posting. An anonymous commentator first suggested that further stories about how the characters other than Fiona progress through life might be interesting. This is Susan's story. It's not really an incest story, though incestuous elements show up as part of the context. The story is here because it fits with My Sister Fiona and I prefer to keep series stories in one category. I'd like to think that the story works better if you read My Sister Fiona first, but it's probably not necessary. *** It had been a pretty rough semester for me. My best friend in all the world, Fiona Hamilton, had been attacked on campus. It had been shattering for her, and we all worked really hard to pull her out of it. Mostly, we succeeded. We all threw love at her in all the ways we could, and eventually she and Josh put it all together. They announced their engagement. We could all see that coming but it was just so good to see that they had recovered that far. Mostly succeeded, you ask? Yeah, mostly. I don't think there's any way someone could ever forget, and not be marked by, that kind of experience. Fi was always a bright, bubbly girl. Some of that brightness has dimmed. We got most of it back, though. I hope there's a special corner of hell for the people who can even think of doing something like that. Who are we? There's me, Susan Martin. There are Fi's parents. Josh, her boyfriend, who had as much to do with Fi getting over it as much as she did as anyone else, maybe more. Ron, Fi's brother, who put almost as much into it as Josh did, and Brianna, Fi's younger sister, who worked hard, too. There was Fi's doctor, her counsellor, the people at the university, a whole host of others, all working hard at proving to her how much she was loved. It took everyone. And it worked. Mostly. Me, I'm about five six, not bad looking, a little on the curvaceous side of svelte, with a pretty fair chest. Let's say I've never had any complaints. I think I look good in a bikini. My hair is no great hell, a dark blonde that will likely go darker as I get older, but that's why God invented chemistry. I was kind of stuck on Ron, more so as I watched the love he had - and showed, hard for a guy - for his sister. They were a loving family. Bree was a couple of years younger than Fi. I'd known Bree all her life, but I got to know her even better when Fi had her problem. We were sort of the day shift, Bree and I, making sure that people who loved her were always with Fiona. Bree never actually said so, but there was no question in my mind that she was deeply in love with her brother. I couldn't bring myself to object. I was, too. It came over me gradually. I'd always thought Ron was pretty hot, but he was a little older and Fi and I had always teased him. He had a girlfriend or two, but they hadn't ever lasted very long. We once asked if he wanted us to fix him up with George Masterson, the campus queen, who was so outrageously gay, hitting on all the stereotypes perfectly, that I thought myself that he was actually hetero and using his apparent homosexuality as a lure for those women who might feel the urge to "convert" him to the true way, or at least their way. There seemed to be a lot of them, though I had no urge myself. I never actually saw George with another guy. The few truly gay guys I'd come across were no different than the rest of us, maybe a little more generous and caring, though not always, just like anyone else. Not saints and not devils, just people. Ron reacted quite calmly, politely declining our offer. I suppose if he was truly gay, and the way he looked at his sisters suggested the contrary, he wouldn't have gone out with George on a bet. Fair enough. Neither would I. The excuse I made to myself the first time I kissed Ron was that I was upset by what had happened to Fi and I needed to reassure myself that there were caring and kind men out there as well as vicious rapists. That was garbage, of course. I wanted to kiss Ron, to share in the love that was flowing out of him as he strove to reduce his sisters' suffering. It was obvious that Fi was suffering. It wasn't as obvious that Bree was suffering too, horribly upset at what had happened to the big sister she loved with all her heart. Ron saw that from the start. Maybe that was when I began to love him and not just lust after him. Ron had kissed me the "morning after", which was sweet and started little tingleys inside, though probably it was only because he'd already kissed Fi goodbye and Bree goodbye and thought I'd feel left out. I probably would have felt left out. Ron cared about stuff like that. He even made a kissy mouth at Josh, who smiled and took it in stride. Ron kissed me again that night when he came in to relieve Bree and I. He'd kissed Fi hello and Bree, too. When it came to my turn I made a real Hollywood production out of it to try to make Fi laugh, but mostly to get a little more mileage out of what was supposed to be a chaste little kiss. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. It made me feel all jittery and I didn't get to sleep until late. "Susan, should I be feeling all hot when my brother kisses me?" Oh God, there were two of us in the same boat! "Well, your brother is a hot guy, Bree, and maybe that's it. I get hot and bothered kissing him, too." "You put your back into it, Susan, I saw you. It should have been a hot kiss." "Yeah, I tried. I really like your brother. I think Ron's more than just a hot guy. He's forever stuff." "I think so too." I could have done without that conversation. I was just starting to have feelings for the guy and now his sister claims to be having feelings that are much the same. There wouldn't have been any problem except that I had really good feelings about Bree - nothing sexual, though there likely would have been if I'd been inclined that way - and I really couldn't do anything to hurt her. Never could. On the other hand, she was his sister. Whatever she felt for Ron couldn't go anywhere, really. There was room for me. The next morning when Ron came in to greet us, I met him with a steaming kiss. I put everything I had into it, lip action, tongue, suction. I'm sure I gave him an erection. Fi noticed the kiss, though not the erection, and seemed to be a little shocked. Do her good to get out of herself. Bree looked more shocked. I guess she noticed the erection. Ron's parents, fortunately, didn't notice and Josh was so far out of it we could have been having sex in front of him and he'd only have tried to get out of our way. So long as he didn't have to let go of Fi's hand. Or could have, given the way she was holding onto him. Later on, after her mom threw us all out of Fi's room (except for Bree) so Fiona could get dressed to go home, I pulled Ron around a corner of the waiting area and tried again. I proceeded to kiss him thoroughly and this time he joined in with real enthusiasm. We were soon tongue-kissing and ignoring whatever else might have been happening around us. I dropped my hand to feel his erection. Oh my. "Thought I could do that," I muttered, almost to myself, though I'm sure he heard me. "Ron, we're going to have to see how far this can go, one day, one day soon." Ron brushed his hand across my breasts, to find, as anyone would have expected, that my nipples were sticking out hard enough he could feel their firmness even through what passed for my bra. It felt so good to feel his strength and heat. "Oh God, that feels good, Ron. One day very soon, very, very soon." Fortunately, perhaps, we were interrupted when Fi came out of her room and the rest of us were drafted into getting her things home. Bree and I distributed most of the masses of flowers she'd been sent to the other patients around the floor. I arranged to sleep with Bree at her house once Fiona was home. I suppose I excused it by telling everyone I wanted to be there for Fi, but actually I was afraid to be alone. My mother likely knew. She was pretty good about things like that. There was always time to talk to me, and no pressure to talk until I was ready. What had happened to Fi left its mark on me, too, and just then it was biting pretty deep. That first night at supper in the Hamilton home we were crammed quite tightly around the dinner table. I know I pressed against Ron from time to time, but it wasn't sexual, really. It was a way to keep reminding myself that he was there. Josh was on my other side and I wouldn't have dared touch him. He was Fi's. Sorting out who slept with whom, with several bodies too many for the house, got to be fun. I suggested I could sleep with Ron, but his mother said it would be fine if I slept with Bree. As it eventually developed, with a little midnight wandering, both of his sisters slept with Ron and Josh and I took one of the vacant beds. We weren't really interested in each other that way, but there was a lot of comfort in having a warm and loving man in my bed, even if he wasn't mine and never would be. I had my things so I could get out to class. I gave everyone a kiss when I left, with a little extra effort in the one I gave Ron, not too heated, this time, but with a lot of love. I hope he remembers it with pleasure. Fi was able to go to Ron's graduation. All of us made sure that she wasn't crowded or jostled. I saw fear creep into her eyes a couple of times, but then Josh or Bree were there for her right away, and her mom and dad. There was a lot of love for Fiona. Something I hoped for in my life, too. Fiona and I had both received all our credits for the year. Josh, too, though a couple were close. Bree did very well, as might have been expected of her. She was smart. We were into the summer. Most of us had jobs of one kind or another. I was slinging hamburgers. All of our off hours were spent over at Fiona's. I'd shed my boyfriend back when he was getting antsy about all the time I spent at the Hamiltons'. I didn't help matters any by telling him how hot Ron was. Ron didn't have a steady girlfriend at the time, and actually hadn't gone out at all since the attack. None of us had, I don't think. I was pretty desperate the day I seduced Ron. I don't suppose it was really a seduction. I was very direct. It wasn't that I needed sex or anything like that. I do have a high libido, but I could have had that dealt with by any number of guys. I wasn't a virgin and I wasn't attached to anyone in particular and I'd been a little wild for a while. Joe Henry had made it pretty clear that he wanted me. He was handsome enough. It was more that I was desperate for Ron, for a guy who had that much love to give a girl. Even then I was pretty sure that Ron's love was focussed elsewhere, and that it was returned. I don't know that he knew it. More to the point, I guess, is that he probably knew it but hadn't let himself know. Guys do that to themselves, you know, though I have to admit that in Ron's case there was good reason for it. He was in love with his sister. Ron was a good guy. I kind of hoped that if he rejected his love because it was the kind of love that transgressed all of the social rules and a few more, he might focus on me. Fi wanted me as a sister, sort of, the woman attached to her brother, but she didn't recognize that Ron's eyes were elsewhere. Her problems didn't leave her a lot of room to see outside herself just then, not as much as she usually did. One afternoon in late May Bree and Fiona were doing something up in Fi's room. Ron and I were in the rec room, trying to pick out a movie for the evening. Fi's parents were at work. For a wonder Josh was off on some kind of errand and wouldn't be back before supper, either. I was a little down. "Ron, do you think I'm attractive?" "Of course, Susan, you're a most attractive young woman. If I had a little black book, you'd be on the first page." "Oh, you're nice. You may be lying, but it's nice to hear." "Susan, what's got into you today? You know you're an attractive woman. You look good, you've got great legs, a lovely ass, a beautiful face and a fine chest. A very fine chest indeed." He was probably trying to leer just then, but he wasn't very good at it. He's actually too honest to do a good leer. "Besides that, you're a good person and fun to be around. You've been the best friend you could be for Fiona, and you've been great to the rest of us, too. How could you think any of us would think of you as less than attractive?" "I don't know, maybe it's just the day. I keep wishing there was someone for me the way Josh is there for Fi. They're so tight." "I can see that." "Ron, do you ever think you could make love to me?" I really don't know where that came from. It was right out of the blue, and serious, not just a flirtation. I suppose I was making a last opportunity to get together with the guy that I knew I loved. By now I was sure. At the same time, I was pretty sure Ron had a different love. I suppose this was the only way to find out. "I think so, Susan. You're certainly a woman a man could enjoy making love with. For me, I'm less certain. I don't like to get too close to a woman unless I have a real regard for her. It's sort of a test run for a long-term relationship, even marriage. I'm of an age when that is a real consideration for me. I don't think it is for you, yet. I do think you are a lovely sweet person." As a matter of fact, Ron was wrong. I was looking ahead. Ron wouldn't be just a good time. "Ron, do you think you could pretend, just for today? I know anything between us can't go anywhere. I'm pretty sure you haven't realized it, yet, but you're for someone else, and you're committed to her, and can never be for me. I can't fight that. I need to be held today, and loved, and I want us to make love once, to give me a memory I can treasure." I had given up. I hadn't realized until I came on to him that I really didn't have a chance anymore. Ron wasn't going to let social conventions, the law or the prophets stand in his way now. God, she was a lucky girl. "Susan, I don't have any commitments. I think you are special, but I agree you're not for me. We don't have that extra spark I've been looking for. Maybe I'll never find it." "You've found it, Ron, you just don't know it yet." Sure he'd found his spark. I was telling him that, maybe even giving him the confidence he needed to blow it into flame. Didn't do me any good, but I could have him at least once, for the memories. "Please, Ron, just this once, for the sake of our friendship. Let me carry the memory with me." "All right, Susan. You're a beautiful woman, sweet and kind. You're a good friend. We can share ourselves, and make love. I do love you, though not in the way you want." I pushed into him and we started to kiss, two hot and horny youngsters making love. Ron was so loving. He cared for me and for my pleasure, but I didn't have all of him. I could tell there was something missing. We made love twice that afternoon, sweet and loving. We didn't have a lifetime love, but we loved each other some, for sure, in other ways, and it was a lot more than a quick roll in the hay for both of us. "You are a wonderful guy, Ron. That was so very good. It will be a wonderful memory. I love you, dear." "Susan, it will be a fabulous memory for me, too. I do love you, sweetheart. I wish it was the kind of love that would last forever, instead of just this once. Somewhere there's a love for me that will be forever, and somewhere there's one for you, too. Until we find them, this will be the most marvellous time ever for each of us, I think." "You're probably right, Ron, and it was marvellous, and I thank you. Your love is closer than you think. Take your blinders off, dear. My love is farther away." I went over for Fi as much after as before. I think Ron and I were both a little sad that the last bit to make it right for us just wasn't there. Somehow Fi knew. "Sorry, love," she told me. It got to be pretty obvious a few weeks later that Ron had found his connection. Fi was pretty much over her problems, or at least as over as she would ever get. She and Josh had set a date for the next May. They'd still have a year of college to go, but both families were going to help out. Brianna left to finish her degree at a different college and Ron went off to get his master's. There really wasn't much around for me, and I got lonely. When school started Joe Henry did more than make his interest obvious. He felt me up in front of everyone when we slow danced one night. I grabbed his ass and pulled his cheeks apart, feeling him up just as obviously. I ground my hips into him so hard that if we'd been naked we'd have been screwing. Good thing they kept that dance so dark. Afterwards I wouldn't go home with him. It had been pretty heated but there wasn't much feeling and actually not much passion. Both of us were after some kind of conquest, or maybe it was domination. I don't know. A couple of weeks later I decided I'd like a taste of the guy for real and would give in to his pressure. I made him find us a place since I was living at home and there was no way I was dragging some kind of shagging expert in front of my parents. They may have given up on their image of sweet little me but I wouldn't push their faces into it. Joe had a shared dorm room, and if we spent the time at it that I hoped for, that wouldn't do either. Eventually he broke down and rented a motel room for the night. Horny college kids were probably their best customers. Joe didn't make a pretense out of our assignation by treating it as a real date. He picked me up at home and we drove straight to the motel. I watched his fit body and lusted after his ass as he went in to register. Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, I supposed. "Room 27, ground floor, around back," he announced when he came back. "You're Mrs. Jones." "I thought you'd go for Smith." "No, I used my real name. I don't have fake ID's. I'm having an assignation with a married woman. They don't care as long as they get paid in advance." It was kind of strange. Once we were into the motel room, Mr. Henry and Mrs. Jones, no baggage, it was pretty clear what was going to happen. That's what we were there for, of course. Since neither of us had ever done something like this before, we stood around for a couple of minutes, not too clear who should be doing what, a little embarrassed with each other, to tell the truth. The bed dominated our thinking but we couldn't bring ourselves to mention it. I turned toward Joe, probably intending to say something to break the mood, at the same time he stepped toward me. Without speaking, perhaps without even thinking, he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. He was heated. His tongue just touched my lips and then slid along my teeth. I opened for him, heating up as the extent of his ardour made itself clear. He may not have been in love with me, but he wanted me. That was clear enough. He kissed with the fervour of a pent-up lust, his tongue now deep in my mouth. I clutched him, one hand on his shoulders and one on his bum, pulling him into me. My tongue joined in the exchange of caresses, hot and urgent and strangely gentle. He dropped his hands to my rear, spreading his fingers across that resilient surface to force us together even more tightly. I could feel the strength of his erection. He certainly knew what he wanted, what he was going to get. We kissed until we had to breathe. "Wow, so that's what I've been missing," he exclaimed. "We're pretty good together, aren't we," I replied. "Oh baby, just wait. We are going to be so good together." He leaned in and kissed me again, or I kissed him, or we kissed each other. It was a pretty even balance of whose heart was racing, whose blood was steaming, whose clothes were too tight or too hot. Just then neither of us wanted to leave that kiss to go farther. My Sister, Fiona Ch. 02: Susan's Story I didn't quite melt into his arms as the result of his passion or mine. I was too far into enjoying our kiss, participating in it, feeling my desire for him course over me while I stoked the fires within him. My knees were getting a little wobbly with the force of my lust, but he wasn't any too steady either. We pulled back for a moment, tried a look into each other's eyes to see whether there was something deeper, couldn't see beyond the lust in that instant, turned back to the kiss with a touch of disappointment. Both of us seemed to regret that there didn't seem to be anything more. Joe's lips trailed from my mouth to my ear, leaving hot spots along the line of my jaw, burning my ear, passion flaring, need rising within me. "I need you, Joe," I whispered huskily. He unzipped my jacket, pushed it back over my shoulders and let it drop to the floor. I pushed my chest out and drew him back to me, two hands on his magnificent bum. My breasts were crushed into his chest. His hands moved down the smooth planes of my back, moving from my shoulders down, strong, firm strokes until he cupped my bottom, spreading heat with his fingers. I gasped with the force of his need. I rammed my hips forward, needing to feel him, his hardness, his maleness. His passion showed in every beat of his heart, every hot breath he took. Mine was just as obvious. Our skins were flushed, our hearts racing, our breathing forced. Heat rolled off both of us. We looked each other in the eyes again. Was there something, a little something, something that might grow if we nourished it? Impossible to tell. The heat of our mutual lust overpowered whatever there might have been. Joe's hands found the bottom of my T-shirt and lifted it carefully straight up. I left off undoing his pants to raise my arms over my head, freeing the shirt. The shirt joined my coat on the floor. He moved in to taste my breasts through the lacy bra I'd worn. It was violet rather than a more erotic black or red. Didn't seem to matter. His mouth soaked the cups and my nipples rose. He slipped his arms behind to undo the catch and my bra was dropped on top of my shirt. He touched my skin with his lips and it was as if he was burning. Fire chased through me, zooming from my breasts to my bum to my centre. I could feel myself getting wet, but it didn't put out the fire. Joe moved his hands behind, feathering my back with light touches and caresses, especially to the sensitive spots at the base of my spine. His mouth and tongue continued to address my breasts, shifting from one to the other. I pried him out of his shirt and the two of us mashed our bare chests together. The fires continued to burn. We'd both worn jeans too tight to just drop. We'd looked good but it was a problem. Something to remember if it ever happened again, I thought. There was a reason women still wore dresses. We sat on opposite sides of the bed to remove shoes and socks and jeans. Then we rolled into each other, knowing that the final unveiling was for the other. Joe took my panties, one hand on each hip, and drew them down smoothly, baring all of me to his gaze. I bumped up to make room for them to slide off my bottom. He stopped and stared for a few seconds. "Glorious," he whispered. I rolled him over and pulled his boxers off the same way, with the same help. He looked pretty good. I seized his erection and began to run my hands over it. His hands ran over my body, from my breasts, down and down until he was between my legs, fingering my swollen labia, assessing my readiness. I was ready, ready to take him in and consume him. We stretched out beside each other, exploring, using hands and tongues and eyes to evaluate and memorize our partner. Partner. We were partners in this venture, each looking to gain satisfaction and give satisfaction, to raise fires and extinguish fires as we proceeded. We kissed again, thrusting against each other for the length of our bodies. Joe rolled me over on my back. He knelt briefly between my thighs. I moved my legs out, making room for him. He started to thrust into me and I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him in. It was so satisfying just to have him fill me. It seemed like a kind of completion, better than anyone since that day I'd seduced Ron. For the first time the comparison did not put me off stride. We lay there a few moments, me feeling completed, Joe probably enjoying the feeling of possession. Then the age old rhythms possessed us both. He pressed in and pulled out. I grabbed him with my muscles. I pushed up as he withdrew, seeking to prolong the pleasure of having him in me, pulled down when he thrust, then pushed up to meet him again and draw him further into me. We continued, neither of us anxious for our own completion, trying to increase pleasure for the other. At last the pressures of my passion became too great for me and I soared over into ecstasy, vaguely aware that he was pumping his seed into me, sharing my climax with his own. We turned to each other and kissed long and hard while he softened and fell out of me. We made love twice more that night. We were attentive to each other's needs. We each climaxed, together or nearly. It was immensely satisfying physically. It was something more than mere sex, but something less than making love. We fell asleep twined together. When we awoke in the morning, we reached for each other and made love again. Perhaps Joe, who was into economics, was working on reducing the average cost per coupling. I didn't complain. Somehow, though, we knew we wouldn't be doing this again. When we parted, and he dropped me off at home, there was no goodbye kiss even though we knew it was goodbye. It wasn't all that rare for me to be out all night. After all, I was twenty-one and a long way from an innocent. My mother had accepted this long since. My father had an intellectual appreciation of the fact that his darling daughter was a woman, but I'm sure he never accepted it emotionally. Fathers don't. "Nice night?" my mother asked when I came in. "Mmmm," was my only reply. She laughed. "A keeper, love?" "Could have been, I guess, Mom, but no." I thought about what had happened between us for most of the day. I can't say as I'm too sure about what happened, but I think that Joe and I were both so focussed on the physical, which had been quite wonderful, that we overlooked or ignored the emotional. Joe had been a wonderful lover, but there was no emotional connection, not even the temporary love Ron had shown me. Not temporary, I guess, just different. Ron did love me, still, just not the way I had wanted. The fault in my relationship with Joe, if it was a fault, was mine, too, that same concentration on the physical perfection of our lovemaking. Under other circumstances, Joe and I might have made a go of it permanently, but I think we both knew that we would always concentrate on the physical side of a relationship, at least with each other, and that didn't provide any emotional depth to keep us together. I was sad about that. A couple of weeks after my experience with Joe, lovely and frustrating as it was, I was up to going out with guys again. My mother had been surprised when I stayed in two weekends in a row. "Is everything all right, honey?" she asked. "Yeah. I've been moping a bit. There was so much promise." Gary and I had gone out a couple of times over the course of the summer. I guess he was looking to get a return on his investment finally. Rather than go anywhere special, we drove out to the beach. It was late September. There wasn't anyone else there that night, not that we could see, anyway. The beach was a pretty popular place for college kids to go parking because there were quite a few private nooks. Not that parking was as common as it used to be before mixed dorms and open hours for guests. I still lived at home and Gary had a couple of roommates. Gary put the car in place under the trees. With the lights off we were nearly invisible from more than twenty feet. He almost speared himself on the shift lever when he tried to kiss me. "Let's get into the back." "Okay." I scrambled into the back and he came after me. We'd used different doors, so I was sprawled on the backseat and he damn near put my eye out when he got in from the other side. It would have been embarrassing if we hadn't both been so hot. "Maybe we should try this outside." "It's too cold." "Can you scrunch over and give me some room?" "I don't see how." "Ow." I think that was my elbow. "Can we start over?" "Another night. I'm not in the mood." I couldn't really blame him, given where my elbow had gone. There's not as much room in a back seat as there used to be. If we'd been in a really romantic sort of relationship it would have died that night, I'm sure. Since we both just had the hots for each other our connection meandered on for another ten days or so before it died of lack of opportunity. Neither of us actually seemed to be all that interested in making an opportunity any more. I had a few more experiences with guys that year, but the sex didn't come up to Ron or Joe, and the feelings weren't there, so nothing lingered. The next memorable time was Fi's wedding. Fi and Josh were joined so closely that you would have been forgiven for having concluded they were already married. I'd always thought that no matter how much love and support we'd all given Fi, she still wouldn't have come out of her pain and disgrace without Josh. I've never figured out why if somebody assaults a guy nobody thinks twice about it, but if someone assaults a woman, especially if he rapes her, it's a disgrace for the woman. She's somehow at fault though there was nothing at all she could have done to prevent it. We'd all had to work hard to get around that stupidity. Perhaps women will never be equal until we can lose that reaction. There were so many people who'd helped Fi and wished her well that it was a big wedding. There was a lot to celebrate for all of us. Fi's wedding took place in the spring of my third year (and hers), after exams. There hadn't been any question that she and Josh would get married and make a go of it. Her parents had sort of thought the two of them should wait until after graduation, but none of us really believed there was any point to it. She loved him and Josh, well, he was so in love with her he couldn't even see another woman. They agreed to put off children until they were through, and that was enough to get her mother onside. Her dad agreed, almost as if he had some say in the matter. The wedding was lovely, as spring weddings tend to be. Fiona was absolutely gorgeous in the long dress. All brides are beautiful, but some outshine the sun, and Fiona was one of those. It had to do mostly with the light in her face and the special glow she got whenever she looked at Josh. He was so taken with her he could hardly talk. I'd thought Bree would be Fiona's maid of honour, but she asked me and I was honoured to stand up with her. Bree had told me at Christmas that she had asked Fi to pick me, partly because we'd been friends forever and partly because she didn't want to push her father too much. He hadn't come to grips with Ron and Brianna as a couple yet. All he let himself believe was that they were both away at college. I don't think he even let himself believe that they were at the same college. I'd had a thing for Mr. Hamilton for a few years now. Of course I never did anything about it. He had eyes only for his wife, anyway. She still looked pretty good. I wondered what there was about the Hamilton women that attracted that depth of love. First their parents, still deeply in love after twenty-seven years, then Fi, whom Josh adored, and finally Bree, deeply in love with and loved by Ron. Knowing these wonderful people was hard on me, since I wasn't prepared to settle for anything less. Her dad looked so proud and handsome escorting Fi up the aisle. He was almost crying when he handed her off to Josh, and his face got more anguished as the ceremony progressed. He was definitely going to miss her no matter how often they visited. It was probably worse since Bree and Ron weren't home much, either. You expect a mother to cry at a wedding, though it's mostly happy tears. You don't see a father do it all that much. Josh's big brother Jim was best man. He was a hunk - in my eyes, anyway. Most women might think he was a little skinny. I suppose he was six two and one sixty. He was pretty solid. Jim and I were thrown together a fair bit as best man and maid of honour. We ran a few of those last minute bridal errands together. I found out he had a very subtle, very funny sense of humour. He was interested in a lot of the same things as I was. His major was even history, same as mine. He was going for a doctorate. Jim was the same kind of guy as Josh, kind and caring, and not at all ashamed of it. Jim told me that what Josh had done for Fi made him wonderfully proud to be his brother. I was thinking that he could be pretty proud to be himself. At the reception Jim and I danced a couple of times. He was fun to be with. After a while we sat out back, watching the sun go down on a glorious, happy day. We didn't talk much then. We were comfortable with each other, happy in the presence of each other, no need to let words spoil the mood. There weren't too many men that I could say nothing with, and be happy. Just before we went back in to join the festivities, I thought Jim was going to kiss me. I'd have let him, certainly. I was thinking that he might be a good guy to get to know better. He sort of shook himself and the moment passed. I wondered what he was thinking. Even though Jim hung around for another three weeks before he went off to do whatever he was doing that summer, we never went out. I was a little disappointed. I had wanted to get to know him better, see if he was as much like Josh as I thought. Josh was a wonderful treasure for Fi. Someone just like him would do me fine. It didn't happen. At some point in the summer I discovered that I was more deeply marked by what had happened to Fi than I thought. We were at a beach party. We had the fire and the skimpy bikinis and the marshmallows and the rest of what went with a beach party. After a while there was some pairing up and some couples went off behind the dunes and it was pretty obvious what was happening. It always happened. Not everyone ended up paired off, but mostly. Making love outdoors in the sand was kind of fun if you made sure not to get sand in awkward places, and I'd done it enough to quite enjoy it. The collection of virginal guys and girls in the old beach party movies wasn't what a modern beach party attracted, and likely wasn't back then, either. It's like the business of Victorian purity: the more they talked pure the less likely that they were. What happened is that the guy I ended up more or less paired with was impatient. I wasn't all that averse to giving him a tryout behind the dunes, if there were any available spaces, or even just back from the fire. All I was really looking for was a spot where I could enjoy myself without being stepped on. The guy, Frank, wanted to get his rocks off in the worst way. I was looking pretty good in a couple of pieces of not much at all, and he'd gotten his hands on my breasts a time or too already. I didn't push him off, either. He should have known that a polite question would have got him a "yes", but he was in too much of a hurry. Frank and I were just standing there talking, some comment about who'd gone off to shag last, I think, and then he grabbed my arm and pulled. "Time for us to screw, Susie. Come on." He stuck one hand down my bikini bottom to push me along and hauled hard on my arm and shoved his face into mine and I screamed. He probably just thought he was being masculine and forceful, or maybe he was such a conceited asshole that he thought I'd just fall over with my legs splayed for him. I screamed again and just dropped, curled up into a ball, and started sobbing. That pretty much broke up the party. A couple of guys were pretty rough with Frank. I didn't object. I was known to usually be willing, though I wasn't necessarily an easy piece. To put it another way, I wasn't the first lass off the beach, but I usually wasn't the last, either. So if I thought someone was coming on too strong, I was believed. "You are a fucking idiot," someone was telling Frank. "Her best friend got raped, and you tried to play the strong man." "Hit him again, Joe." I stayed out of it. I was still too upset. One of the girls drove me home. Mom knew as soon as I got in that there'd been a problem. "Want to tell me about it, honey?" "No . . . yes. The guy I was with came on too strong and I freaked." "Not surprising. Did he suffer?" "Yeah." Somehow that made me feel better, that I had a lot of friends who'd do that for me. "Did he suffer enough?" "I suppose so. Why, do you think Dad will do the outraged father bit with him?" "He would if he needed to. I was thinking that if Josh or Ron got to hear about it he might have trouble siring children in the future." "Oh Mom." Made me feel a lot better, though. Dad took me aside the next day. Mom had probably filled him in. "Susan, I should have done this before, and I'm sorry I put it off so long. Let me tell you a few things about protecting yourself when a loud scream isn't enough." That made me feel a lot better, too. There was an odd experience in my final year, before the business that really freaked me out. I was going out with Sandy Fellowes at the time. We hadn't been together long enough for me to feel comfortable climbing into the sack with him, though there'd been a little smooching and some feeling up. I was looking forward to cuddling up with him and going farther. We weren't quite comfortable with each other yet. My standards had gone up to the point that I wasn't about to jump into bed with anyone I didn't feel comfortable with. I'd figured out that guys were pretty much all the same physically. They had that thing down there that they liked to stick in you. If they paid a little attention to how you felt and what you wanted, it could be quite wonderful. Oh, they came in different sizes (not as many as they'd have you believe) but if they didn't pay much attention to you, it just hurt more if they were bigger. If they did pay attention, bigger was a little better, maybe, but not so much that you'd go for size over caring. Size was maybe a tie-breaker, but not too many of the guys I encountered were close enough to each other to need a tie-breaker. I was still looking for that dose of romantic love that Fi and Josh had, that Ron and Bree had, and that not too many people other than our parents (mine and Fi's) seemed to have. It was proving to be elusive. Sandy had invited me to go along to what I thought he'd called a swinging party. I wasn't quite sure what it would be, an ordinary fun party or one with a lot of thirties and forties swing music. Might be fun. I liked dancing to that kind of music if my partner knew what he was doing. Sandy was secretive about just what the party was about. He hadn't told me what to wear. Instead of anything special, I dressed preppy. I didn't do that too often, figuring it made me look a little too young and virginal, but I was in fourth year and was looking to seem a little less long in the tooth that night. I know, twenty-two isn't precisely over the hill, but I didn't have a semi-permanent relationship with anyone or the love of my life stored away somewhere and just then I was feeling it. The place where the party was being held was pretty dark. As we came in, someone accosted Sandy. "Been dipping into the freshettes again, Sandy? She's sweet but we'll have to card her. We can't afford a liquor violation." My Sister, Fiona Ch. 02: Susan's Story I dug out my driver's licence. "Well, she does look like the picture. You're older sister, sweetie?" "My aunt." They always said I looked like my Aunt Junia when she was younger, which is nice since she's still plenty good looking even if she is my dad's older sister. "That'll do." The DJ wasn't playing swing. They had a big screen up for videos but nothing was on. It was contemporary music. I liked what they were playing when we came in so I dragged Sandy out on the floor before he could get a drink. He didn't need one yet, anyway. The other women seemed to be dressed up a lot more than I was. That meant they wore less. Most of them were pretty smoking hot sexy. Maybe that was just in contrast to me. I thought I could hold my own with most of them, though there were a couple I couldn't come close to. They were mostly a few years older than I was, but not all. I figured for sure one of them had had a boob job. Boob jobs were out for me, apart from the expense. A breast was meant to please your man (you too if he knew what he was doing) and to feed your kids, and messing around with inserts and silica and God knows what really wasn't going to help either of those purposes. I guess that's not a testimonial for the plastic surgeons that get rich off of them. After a couple of dances Sandy left me by myself at a table at the side. "I'm going to wander a bit and see who's here," he told me. I'd noticed that a few couples had slipped out by a side door. There had been people coming in behind us, but the room hadn't gotten any more crowded. It was a sort of comfortable full, lots of bodies but still enough room to protect your personal space. "Okay." A few minutes later, when I was still sipping on my drink, more than half of it left, a guy came to sit down with me. He was quite a bit older, maybe thirty or so. He seemed to be comfortable with himself as opposed to in love with himself the way some of the other men appeared to be. He wasn't bad looking and I'd say he was reasonably fit. I don't go ape over muscles, but I don't fall in love with beer bellies, either. He'd do. "Feeling lonely, sweetheart?" "A little. I've never been here before, and my boyfriend's wandered off. Seems to be a nice party, though." "I'm Larry." "Susan." "Not Sue or Suzie?" "Never," I laughed. "Who are you with?" "Sandy." It seemed that nobody used last names here. "Oh, he's gone chasing Lucy, Tex's girl." "Who?" "Tex, the big guy over in the corner. I guess Tex figures you're a decent trade for a night." "What!" "Well, Sandy's been sniffing around after Lucy for three or four weeks, now. Tex wasn't willing to trade with whoever he brought those weeks. Looks like he's agreed to trade Lucy for a chance at you." "What does Lucy think about all this?" "She loves how Tex is all possessive and won't trade her for anyone less than the best woman in the room. Makes her feel all loved and special, I guess." "No, I meant about being traded off." "Oh, she knows that's what the party is all about. She wouldn't come if she wasn't looking for some new meat. She'll fuck just about anyone. It only takes a compliment or two to get her to fall on her back, legs wide." "That sounds like the voice of experience." He smiled smugly at me. "Not too many women in here I haven't had, one time or another." I could believe that. He even said it as if it was fact, not boasting. "Does that mean you're trying to cut in on Tex?" "Not really. I don't think you'd get along with him, but I'll let him have his chance before I try to cut you out of the herd. That's one of our understandings." "So what kind of a party is this, really?" "You mean you don't know? Didn't Sandy explain?" He could tell from my face that I had no idea. "Damn. That's a violation. This is a swinger's party. Did he even tell you that much?" "Maybe. I thought he said swing, and he didn't correct me. I was half expecting big band music." "No, this is a swingers' party, where people who like to swing can get together, meet each other, make arrangements, maybe even get it on in the back rooms." "You mean wife swapping and like that?" "Yeah, but the wives have to agree, husbands, too. Most of the people here are married, though not too many dancing together are married to each other. You have to come as a couple. Long-term boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, people looking to spice up their love lives a little." "Geez, Sandy and I don't even have a love life. Never have." "Sounds like he was really infatuated with Lucy and dragged you in for Ted. She's all right in bed, I guess. I'm surprised he took the risk, though." "What risk?" "Well, he stands to be barred for several months, maybe forever, for bringing in someone he's not really attached to and for not explaining what's going on to you and getting your agreement in advance. I don't know why he'd do that. Lots of women enjoy the variety. He could be up front about it. Then, I'd expect Tex to be mightily peeved, too. Unless you decide that you want to join in the spirit of the thing, he gets nothing for letting Lucy go with him." "What does that mean, 'join in'?" "A trade is always like, 'if you let me take a shot at convincing your partner to sleep with me, I won't object if you try to convince my partner to go to bed with you.' It means both parties have an open run. There's no commitment that they'll actually be accepted, at least not in this club. We're very strong on mutual consent. So if you agree that you'll seriously consider taking Tex to bed, and then agree to sleep with me when you decide Tex isn't quite your type, then you'll have joined in. I don't have to trade Tex anyone if you've already turned him down." "And if I decide not to join in?" "Then I'll see you to the door and call you a cab. And have a firm discussion with Sandy afterwards." "I think I'd like you to call me a cab. Nothing against you or Tex, but I don't like to consider myself as just a trading token." "All right, you're a cab," he laughed. "Old joke. I can't say that I don't regret your decision, since you are very fine wampum, Susan, but I'll take care of that for you." Larry was as good as his word. Maybe someday I'll go back with someone honest. Maybe not. I never saw Sandy again, but partly that was because I blocked his number. The one time he caught up to me and tried to apologize I mentioned something about my fiercely protective older brother who played defensive tackle for the Rams. It worked. He stayed away. Even non-existent older brothers can be helpful, and they are much less demanding than real ones, so Fi tells me. I wasn't all that upset since everything was extremely civilized and no one tried to make me do something I hadn't signed up for. I just chalked it up to experience. David Hallam and I met at a dance in November and really hit it off. We started to spend a lot of time together, almost enough to interfere with my schoolwork. He was an engineering student and would graduate that year, too. He had his own apartment, a one-bedroom about half a mile from campus. He was so attentive and protective that I started to think that maybe he was the one I'd been looking for. There weren't too many sparks and we didn't share as many interests and attitudes as, say, Jim and I did, but he did listen to what I said and he had some interesting views. He was easy to talk to, but I suppose what I liked best was the attentiveness, that penchant he had for spending every free moment with me, the overpowering interest he showed in me and what I did. I moved in with David in early December. The sex had been good and he was so caring and courteous. He called me his angel. It felt good to have someone so interested. He'd pushed for it. My parents weren't too happy, but they probably thought I was still their little girl. I was twenty-two, legal for everything, and I figured if this was what I wanted in my life, this was what I was going to do. David seemed to be what I wanted. David was very attentive. He always had my best interests at heart. Every day he insisted I tell him exactly what I'd done and who I'd seen and talked to, even before I moved in with him. After a couple of weeks it began to feel like an inquisition. Then he started explaining why I shouldn't talk to this one or that one. Pretty soon it became obvious that there wasn't anyone I should talk to except him. I didn't let David's likes and dislikes affect my friendships, though, and I think that stung him. We fought about it a couple of times. "Susan, you're living with me, that makes you my woman. It should mean that you listen to me, take my advice, at least some of the time. This woman Naomi you pretend to like, she's bad for you. I don't think you should see any more of her." "David, I have my own friends, and I'm going to keep them." He wasn't pleased. Sex that night was a little rough. He tried to get me to stop seeing Fiona. "You shouldn't see her. She's a bad woman. She was raped, you know, drew that man on until he was committed and then tried to stop him when she'd inflamed his lust. A very bad woman." "Fiona has been my best friend since grade school. I know her a lot better than I know you. She's the sweetest, best person on the face of the Earth. You can't tell me not to see her. Never. If it's you or Fiona, David, it will be Fiona." He sulked. No sex at all, that night. My choice. There were lots of other things that he wanted me to do that I caved in on, mostly to keep peace. I didn't always think he was right, but peace and quiet were more important to me than what to have for dinner. I generally wore the clothes that he liked to see me in. They tended to be a bit less flamboyant than what I usually wore. I went home right after class instead of hanging around because I knew he'd miss me. He usually found a way to check up on me when I was out. I was beginning to get the feeling that he was insanely jealous. Since he didn't have any reason for his jealousy, I didn't pay much attention to it. I'd been pretty outgoing, but now I reined myself in deliberately. It seemed to make David happier. At Christmas, I was going to spend the day with the Hamiltons. David didn't want to go. He didn't want me to go, either. I made it very clear to him again that Fi was my best friend in all the world and the Hamiltons were all the brother and sisters and surrogate parents that I'd never had and needed. My parents, who were good parents, would be there. So would Fi and Josh, Josh's parents, Fi's parents, and Ron and Bree. I hadn't seen Bree since the summer. "I don't want you talking to this Bree woman. She's evil." "Fuck yourself. She's almost as wonderful as Fi." "And keep away from Ron. He's a man. He'll want to fuck you." "Are you nuts? Ron is a gentleman. Besides, he's engaged to Bree or whatever. It means that he can't see another woman as a woman. He can only see Bree that way. His dad's the same with his mom. Ron is about the safest man to be around I can think of, even safer than Josh, and you know he only has eyes for Fi. Come along if you don't believe me. You've been invited." "I already said no. I don't think you should go either. If we're in love and going to get married, you should be staying here at home with me to keep me company." "I'm not planning to miss seeing my friends just because you're too weird to tag along. Don't try making this my fault. If you feel you're going to spend a lonely Christmas it's all your fault. None of it mine." "Don't go, Susan." He reached for me and started to cry. I'd seen this before. That boy could turn the waterworks on and off like a tap. "Let go of me. You're feeling sorry for yourself because you screwed up. I'm not letting your self-pity keep me from seeing the most important people in the world to me." "I thought I was the most important person in your world. I thought you loved me." "I see you every day. I haven't seen Bree for months. Don't be so selfish." "I won't let you go." "Don't be so silly. I'll be back around six and we can have Christmas dinner then." "I don't want you to go." "Tough." I turned to the door, and that's when he hit me. It would have been my nose, I think, if I hadn't been turning, and it was no love tap. He meant to cause pain. He might have meant to break my nose. Brand me as his and no one else's. The punch landed beside my eye. I was going to have a magnificent bruise for the holidays. Not quite a black eye. I turned to him immediately. "You hit me. You hit me, David. Any feeling I ever had for you is gone. Gone. Don't be here when I come back." "This is my apartment." "It used to be our apartment. It isn't any more." He started to cry again. "I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to hit you. It's just that you got me so mad. Please forgive me, Susan, I'm so sorry." "Forgive you, sure. Then next time you'll shoot me instead. You'll be all weepy and sorry afterwards, all over again, won't you? But I won't stop being dead. As far as I'm concerned, a man gets zero free chances to hit a woman. Not even one." "Come back here!" It looked like he was going to try to hit me again. I pulled the can of bear spray Dad had given me to protect myself from muggers out of my purse and let him have it. Gave him something real to cry about. "You better get a lawyer, because you're going to need one." Then I left. I was shaking pretty bad when I got to the Hamiltons. Fi noticed the shakes and Bree noticed the bruise and so I told them. "David got upset when I was leaving without him. He hit me. I'm not going back." Dad caught the tail end of that and was shrugging on his coat as he turned around. "Ron, Josh, we're going to get Susan's things. Coming?" Of course they were. Fi said she'd drive Bree and I over so I could point out what was mine. There wasn't a whole lot, but there were a couple of things I'd miss. Turns out Mom came along, too. David hadn't left. He was likely sorry after I'd gone. I stayed out of whatever was going on. He was dead to me now. I guess Dad gave him a long talking to, about the duties of men towards women, and why a man never, ever hit a woman. Josh gave him a short talking to. There was something in it about cutting nuts off. Ron just took him outside to show him a couple of things. I heard later that David was finishing his degree in North Dakota. He hoped he wouldn't be known there. He was wanted by the police. University of Southern North Dakota at Hoople, I believe. Very famous in musicology. He was doing engineering. It seems like such a stupid little episode, but it scared me. Writing about it makes it obvious the guy was using attention, tears and manipulation to kill my free will and turn me into his puppet. But it never seemed like that when I was being subjected to that kind of brainwashing by him. I'm a fairly assertive woman with a good sense of self, and I almost went down that path. I was scared, for me and for whoever else he might prey on. I didn't like to see I had a vulnerability. After graduation I found out for real what I'd known in a way all along. If you don't plan to teach, and that takes at least one more degree, a history degree is not going to get you a job. I tried a few places. Dad got me on as an intern for a couple of weeks, but it turns out they were really looking for some combination of bookkeeper and accountant, and that just isn't me. I have neither the background nor the ability. So I cast my eye farther afield. My first job in Riverton was as a tour guide. I got to ride around in a streetcar on wheels pulled by a pair of Clydesdales - big work horses for those of you like me who didn't know. They were pretty calm souls and quite beautiful, so of course I fell in love with them. Harry and Tom. They were better company than most of the guys I dated that fall. The rubber tires on the asphalt were pretty easy on them, though getting up some of the hills with a full load could be a problem. It was my job to sit or, more often, stand, at the front and point out the interesting parts of the city and their historical connections. It was billed as "Historical Tour of Riverton", which is probably why my history major got me the job. Might have been the only employment my degree was good for. At the start I relied pretty much on the last guide's notes and the city's own tour guide. There was enough to make up a bit of a script. As the days passed I read more widely in the city's history, going from the detailed history written by a former novelist (he stole all the good bits, but the business of explaining how a pretty Regency woman in fashionable dress caught in the rain would be arrested for indecency was all his own) into articles in the archives of the local historical society, to specials done for the local paper, and eventually into discussions with both the self-proclaimed local historian and the real one. I found it enthralling, but then I'm a history nut. I used what I'd learned to adjust my spiel, correcting a couple of things the brochure (and the novelist) had got wrong, adding a few bits of historical gossip (what was supposed to be an early merchant's house had done duty as the city's premier brothel) and just fluffing up my spiel. The tourists seemed to like it. One day a guy, overweight by more than 120 pounds, took the front seat and decided to heckle me. I was probably looking pretty good that day. I usually wore blue slacks and a white blouse, a semi-uniform, hair back in a ponytail, confident girl-next-door look. Guys tend to avoid hitting on a woman in uniform, since most of them (not me) could break your arm with a look. They also tend to be careful of their neighbours, including the girl-next-door in a distant city. This guy figured I didn't have any way to come back on him since he was from away and anyway I was paid to be nice to even asshole tourists. I did plan to trip him on the way out and maybe he'd land on his head and his pea brain would be able to get out and find company before it died of all the hot air that surrounded it. He bugged me about any variation from what was in the city's official guide. "You said that was Samuel Marchant's house and that he was a councillor in 1856," he'd say. "The guide says it was in 1857." "That was probably a misprint, sir," I'd answer. "The city records say that it was 1856." "I can't believe the city would make such a mistake." I can, though I could hardly tell him that the high school student they hired one summer to write the guide had done a hell of a good job for someone with essentially no knowledge. I think she writes political speeches these days. That was no answer for him, though. "Miss, you said that was Israel Kennedy's house. The guide says it was Joshua Blowers." "Mr. Kennedy built the house. Joshua Blowers owned it about thirty years later." You'd think that would shut him up, since we were both right, but no. "Wasn't Kennedy a traitor?" "He was accused of high treason but was found not guilty." No apology. Of course not. When we came to my favourite spot, the former house of ill repute, he decided to correct me again. "Didn't that house belong to the Armsworthy family for over a hundred years?" "Yes, 110 to be exact." "They certainly would have had nothing to do with such activities." "I don't like to disagree, but it's how the first Armsworthy widow held on to the house. There are diaries proving the point, though there's no evidence she ever worked the house herself." "I can't believe that. I think you're just making it up." "I'm sorry you think that sir." You fat bag of wind. "I'm going to have to insist that you correct yourself before we go on." "Excuse me?" "Confess that you made it up and are trying to have a joke at our expense." My Sister, Fiona Ch. 02: Susan's Story "But that's not true!" "I insist." "Excuse me." That was a voice from the back of the bus, a tall, thin guy with a kind of studious air. He seemed to have been on the tour a couple of times before, though with four two-hour tours a day it was hard to keep everybody straight. "I'm a doctoral student at the university here, and my researches show that the guide is completely correct." I wasn't sure if I was going to puke or not. The fat guy sat down again, grimacing, outfaced by serious credentials, an absolutely solid confidence and a male. When the tour was over I had to thank the tall guy. "Well, I've learned as a teacher that if you say anything with the appropriate air of confidence people tend to believe you. You seemed to have a pretty good grip on your facts." "Thanks anyway. So tell me, what actually is your thesis topic?" I was kind of hanging on to him because he reminded me of someone, or maybe he was someone I knew. I couldn't quite place him. He grinned, a funny little grin that meant he was sharing a joke with me. "Early Spanish colonial policy in the New Mexico lands." The little grin had tipped me off. "Well, thank you, Jim." It had been a year and a half since I met him at Fi's wedding. There was no reason to expect to ever see him again. We dropped back into our little banter as if it had been yesterday. There had been nothing much more than that between us, not even a parting kiss, but he was so comfortable to be with. I told myself that it was just that he was a touch of home, and I was a touch homesick. "Let me buy you a coffee," I offered. "There's an hour before the next tour." "Okay." No foolishness about letting him, the dominant male, buy. Probably he was as cash strapped as I was. At least I was getting paid regularly. Jim had the right idea about coffee. Like me, he didn't go in for fancy lattés. He probably couldn't afford them any more than I could. "So what were you doing on the tour?" "I'm a history nut. I like to know the history about wherever I happen to be. I took the tour the first time because I wanted to get a feel for the city. Then I took it a second time because you seemed to know an awful lot about the city's past. Then I took it a third time because it was you." "Why'd you step in with that fat tourist?" "Partly because I didn't want you to be pushed around by an ignoramus and partly because I didn't want the tour messed up for the rest of them." He grinned that secret little grin again. I loved it. "I'd have done the same for any pretty girl." "Next time, I'll just tell them my boyfriend said so." His eyes got a little touch of fear before he laughed to dispel it. "That should work." We laughed a lot and shared some reminiscences about the wedding, and home. Jim was a couple of years older than Josh, two years and three months, I think, and he'd gone away to college, so while we knew a few of the same people and a lot of the same places. we didn't have too many memories in common. "Have you heard from Fi and Josh?" he asked. "No, but I'm not too sure she has my address, and we've both always been terrible correspondents." "Mom tells me they're expecting." "Wonderful. Do you know the due date?" "Not really. Sometime between now and the spring I expect." "Fat lot of good you are." "I'm only partly here when I'm working on the thesis. It's why I can't have any serious relationships. I told you that." He had, at the wedding. "Look, I've got to run. They're loading the next tour. Here's my number if you ever want to get together." He didn't look like he wanted to give me his, so I ran out to get on board before they left without me. I was pleased to have seen him and a little sad that he didn't seem to want to see me again. It had been a good time, though, so I decided to accept it for that. I was pleased to hear Fi and Josh were making a baby now that they'd graduated. Jim had said that in what was for him an interesting role reversal, Fi was working for their father's company and Josh was working for Fi's dad. I didn't have Fi's current address so I sent a message to Mom asking her to pass on my congratulations and best wishes. I had my first (and only) experience as part of a three-way a few weeks after I moved to Riverton. I'd gone out with Jerrold a couple of times, and we'd ended up in the sack at his place the second time. It had been decent sex, nothing starry, but he was an all right guy. Jerry was a couple of years younger than I was, about twenty, maybe twenty-one. He roomed with a guy, Troy or something, his age, who was out chasing his own pussy the night we got it on. Must have caught it since he never showed up and we spent a couple of hours in bed. What happened is that Jerry and I went to a movie on the third date, but since we knew we'd end up in bed again, we slipped out on a sloppy ending and beetled off to his place. I wasn't into bringing guys home. My apartment wasn't all that big even though I managed without sharing it. Both of us were breathing a little heavy owing to some of the handiwork we'd been practising in the dark. Jerry had a fairly prominent erection and my nipples were working on driving holes in my bra, once I got it fastened again. When we ambled into his apartment, my hand in his pants feeling up a delicious bum, and his hand in mine doing the same (it had been a bit of a job to get the door open), it turned out that his roommate was home, not out the way Jerry had told me. I wasn't all that sure later that Jerry hadn't known Troy would be home, but I didn't think it at the time. All I could think of was that I wasn't going to get laid, and by that time my pussy was wet and I was crying for it inside. Jerry could feel my reaction (remember where his hand was) and Troy could see we weren't best pleased, me especially. Jerry at least had the presence of mind to introduce us to each other. The problem was that they only had one bedroom, which they shared. The other room had a couch, sort of, some battered monstrosity that would break your back if you tried to have sex on it, or even sleep on it, or so it seemed. "Sorry if I'm in your way," Troy said. "My date bailed on me. Said she was called in on an emergency." "It's all right, nothing you could do," Jerry answered. I didn't say anything. "I can let you have the bedroom for an hour if you like." I wasn't really up to screwing Jerry with his roommate listening in, but Jerry was doing strange things with his hand, the one under my panties, and I was pretty hot. His other hand was playing with my breasts, right in front of Troy. I was too busy massaging Jerry's rump and fingering his erection to be too upset. I did notice that Troy was getting hard. "Okay, we'll try to keep it down." We almost ran for the bedroom. I had my slacks off and was unbuttoning my blouse almost before Jerry closed the door. He tripped on his pants as he was heading for the bed but caught himself on the dresser before our night of passion had a premature ending. His erection might have done damage to the floor that his landlord couldn't repair. Besides, I wanted the benefit of that erection, not some unfeeling floor or piece of furniture. We squirmed onto the bed together, our naked bodies flush to each other. Jerry checked to see how wet I was and decided we'd had enough foreplay. I was pretty wet, and agreed with his decision even though my nipples felt a touch left out. He knelt between my splayed thighs and slid right in, all the way in one smooth thrust. He found a way to play with my nipples at the same time as he was kissing me and fucking me hard. I got right up on the edge, but Jerry had been too anxious and he shot his load into me before I could get off. He pulled out and I got up on hands and knees to try to get him up to finish the job. He tasted of me and of his cum, which wasn't a bad combination. So there I was on my hands and knees, mouth and hands trying to bring Jerry back to life, when this cock slides in from behind, filling me again, deeper penetration than Jerry had managed from the front. I didn't even think about it, I was so eager for my own climax. I hadn't heard the bedroom door open and had no idea whose cock it was. All I cared about just then was that it was a warm and filling cock quite able to start me back up on the road. As it turned out, even with Troy hammering into me from behind while he was playing with my breasts and I was bringing Jerry back to life, getting the odd feel from him, too, I couldn't quite make it over the edge before Troy fired off. It was a lovely feeling, filling up with a man's ejaculate, and it made me warm and gooey, but I was still on the edge. It hadn't taken Troy all that long. Maybe he'd been anticipating too much, too. Fortunately Jerry had a quick recovery time, one of the reasons I'd agreed to go out with him a third time, and he pulled me down on him as soon as Troy finished. With my juices and Jerry's cum and then Troy's, it seemed to me to be getting a little sloppy in there, but actually their members pushed a lot of the extra outside, so I was getting messy but could still feel. Jerry was pushing up as I was pushing down and his fingers massaged my breasts and tweaked my nipples. I might not have gone anywhere if I hadn't been so ready from the two previous fuckings, but I came, and came hard, and I think that my muscles gripping him in the throes of my orgasm brought Jerry off, too. After that, we switched beds since there was too much mess in Jerry's bed for us to be comfortable. This time I rode Troy while sucking off Jerry again. Jerry was coming back to life quite satisfactorily - I don't know why I thought another time with him was so necessary, but I was in a haze of sexual satisfaction with one cock banging me hard and another in my mouth and just wanted more. Troy brought me off again before he came, so I was in afterglow and just totally relaxed when Jerry had me for the third time. I wasn't thinking of anything at all, just feeling completely satisfied for the first time in ages. We'd messed up Troy's bed, too, so when it was his turn, he bundled me over their old couch and pounded into me until he came. I probably came, too, but it's hard to tell sometimes when your neural receptors are all on overload. "That's all for me," Jerry gasped. "Me too," Troy panted. I spent a little time finding my things. My panties were soaked, but that was from before we started. I tucked them into a pocket. As I was going out the door, I heard Jerry. "Wow, man, that was awesome. We have so got to do that again." He was talking to Troy. I wasn't all that surprised. Most men are pretty self-centred when it comes to sex. I didn't have any complaints. I was really well-satisfied. My hormones were settled and my nerves quiescent. It hadn't been about me, but then it hadn't been about them, either. Kind of empty and impersonal when you got down to it. Awesome, even so. Was this what I was doing with my life? Sensation without feeling? That couldn't be what had to be. I'd had Ron to thank for showing me that. Maybe the next time I could find someone I'd share more with than just a sweaty body. That was what I wanted, more. Jerry and Troy had been the episode I needed to have to realize that it was up to me, not some mysterious white knight, to look for and find the kind of relationship I wanted, one in which the physical relationship wasn't all there was. I knew I'd have to work at it. Was I worthy of being loved? I thought I probably was, but I'd have to work at that, too. Getting emails from Fi and Bree telling me how wonderful life was for them didn't help, but I suppose they fueled my resolve. The evidence was in front of me that it could be done. How it was to be done was a more difficult question. I seemed to be running into all sorts of variations in my relationships. I'd been going out with Ryan for three or four weeks, now, a couple of times a week, and we'd sleep with each other Friday or Saturday. It was sort of comfort food. He wasn't very good but he was undemanding. The cold had killed the tour business and I didn't have enough stamps for unemployment insurance, so I did odd jobs here and there, some paid and some not. I was clearing the leaves off Mrs. Kittelson's lawn when I first came across him. I was moderately impressed. He had an air of confidence and looked all right. He wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but there was a certain something about him. He helped me bag the leaves, always a plus, and asked me out. I agreed. I just told Mrs. Kittelson that I was done and we went off to coffee. I'd walked over but Ryan had a car so he could get back and forth to class. He was graduating that year and would probably go into his dad's business. He seemed a little surprised that Mrs. Kittelson hadn't paid me. "Don't you work for pay?" "When I can get it. Mrs. Kittelson needs the job done, she doesn't have any money, I don't have anything else to do this afternoon. I get some exercise and she gets her lawn raked plus has the enjoyment of watching me work. Seems fair to me." We had a sort of comfortable relationship, just that we had a partner when we wanted one and didn't when we wanted to be alone. I was pretty sure he went out with other women. I didn't mind. If he found someone else he fit with better he'd go off with her. I hadn't married him and I had no intention of doing so. The sex was recreational or therapeutic or something, a little proof that I wasn't alone in the world. I hadn't known Ryan belonged to a club, sort of a fraternity but with no official presence on campus. He explained that it was a bunch of guys, eight or ten, who had been together since first year and sort of hung around together and shared everything. They had a party now and then. As a matter of fact, they were having a party Saturday night. Would I go with him? I didn't have anything else going. I might be a little tired, since Saturday seemed to be a day for odd jobs that I could do, but I'd make the effort. Ryan seemed to think that it was really important; he wanted to show his friends his new girlfriend and share with them the way they'd shared with him in the past. I could do that. As it turned out, I couldn't do that. I was really surprised when we showed up at the club and I was the only woman there. Initially I just supposed that the others were late. I sat around talking and joking with the guys. They appeared to be good sorts. Eventually there were eight of them there, plus Ryan, and whoever acted as head clubbie or whatever they called their version of a Grand Master announced it was sharing time. Ryan had explained that the whole club was about sharing and "sharing time" was what brought them all together. I figured sharing time was one of those tell a tall story and share an experience times, or maybe, though I didn't think it fit the moderately well off image they all projected, a time to share the wealth. "Ryan has brought the gift for sharing tonight," the head clubbie announced. I looked at him. I couldn't see that he had anything special with him, and he didn't seem to be about to launch into a tall tale, or even a modestly true story. Truth to tell, he looked a little embarrassed. However, he stood up. It was some kind of rote piece, like a catechism. "We are about sharing. We meet once a month or when a brother has sharing." "Sharing brings us together and keeps us together," came the response from the room. "Tonight I have sharing. I ask my brothers to approve my sharing." They all took a good hard look at him and then a good hard look at me. There seemed to be a little wolfishness out there. I still didn't know what was being shared, or why the quasi-religious choruses. It was getting a little creepy. "Susan, stand up, please." Maybe I was being initiated into membership in the group, though Ryan hadn't spoken of this and as far as anyone had said it was only guys. "Do you approve my sharing?" he asked the assembled group. "We approve." "Susan, do you want to take your clothes off yourself, or would you rather the group did it? It's usually much more erotic when the group does it, one piece at a time, with a caress to match from a different man every few seconds. It tends to really get the blood roiling." "Ryan, are you trying to tell me that you are sharing me with this group? Without asking? Without telling me in advance?" "Yes, it's my turn, so it's my girlfriend we share tonight. You'll like it." "No, I won't, and I'm not staying." There was a low murmur among the other members of the group, but no one moved to intervene. Seems that it was up to Ryan to make sure the sacrifice was voluntary. Under other circumstances it was just possible that I might have agreed. I like to think not, but there have been times when the thought of having nine cocks one after the other and then maybe some or all of them again might really have turned me on. However, Ryan had brought me along as some kind of a goodie box to be shared out, and I wasn't having that. "I'll be going now. I do want you all to know that among my acquaintances are some very large, very protective men. If any of you lay a hand on me, you'll regret it for the rest of your short lives." "Sharing is to be willing," the head clubbie informed me. "Unwilling sharing is not sharing. Ryan has erred. We bid you good night." It was fairly pompous, but I heard him calling Ryan "a stupid ass", which seemed to augur well for his humanity. Me, I just got gone as fast as I could and never saw Ryan again. As I said, some girls might like that if properly prepared, or even just drunk out of their skulls. Maybe even me, if I'd been cajoled a bit. I was lonelier than I'd thought. It bothered me for a long time that if someone had known to approach me in the right way, I might just have let that happen. That wasn't what I wanted in life. But I might have done it. That scared me. I suppose it was a week or so before Christmas, a few days before I took some time to myself and went home for Christmas. Ron and Bree weren't going to be home this year. Fi was getting near term and might even have the baby over Christmas. I needed some family time. When the phone rang I jumped. "Hello?" "Susan? It's Jim. Jim Talbot. I just broke the back of my thesis. It's all downhill from here, just revision after revision, but it's done." He sounded really happy. "Congratulations, I guess." I supposed I should be happy for him, but Jim had made it pretty clear he wasn't interested in me, or anything except that damned thesis. "I just wanted to share with somebody, and you're the best somebody I could think of to share this with. Can I take you out for a coffee?" "I'm not really into guys just now, Jim." "Some bad experiences, eh? Look, I'll get my buddy Beatrice to come along." "If you've got her, you don't need me to celebrate with." "Well, I promise not to make boy-girl stuff. That wasn't really what I had in mind. I really wanted a friend to share a little joy with. Beatrice is something different. I'll tell you about it. Is it all right to pick you up in half an hour, say?" "Yeah, okay." The joy bubbling out of him was too hard to resist. Maybe Jim had been so wrapped up in his thesis that he didn't even have any other friends. I owed him a little for that business with the tour. Happiness shared is happiness increased. I could do that for Jim. He came to the door with a small woman, both of them wrapped up against the cold. I had a parka on, too, one I'd found at the goodwill in the summer, long enough to keep my legs warm, filled with heat-saving down. I sometimes wore it in my apartment when the landlord was being especially stingy with the heat. I'd worn it to bed once and had a really good night's sleep even though the water in the glass on the window had frozen. My Sister, Fiona Ch. 02: Susan's Story His female companion looked to be quite cute, possibly Eurasian. That combination of genes tends to produce good-looking guys and incredibly beautiful women. She also looked to be freezing. No wonder. She only had a cloth jacket. I passed over a feather and down jacket I never wore any more. "Try this." "Thank you." She put it on. It was only a little big. "Oh, it's warm!" "If you two would rather come in and chat here, I can put some coffee on. It would only take a few minutes." Jim looked inquiringly at Beatrice. "We can't put you out like that," she protested weakly. It was pretty clear she wasn't interested in going another few blocks in the cold to the nearest coffee house, where it would likely be pretty cool inside. "The landlord's being good with heat this week. No point in freezing your ass off when you don't have to. Come on in." "Thanks." I took my coat off and they doffed their togs and boots. The coats ended up on the chair in the living room. It did double duty as my study. They followed me into the kitchen when I went in to put on the coffee. I dragged some crackers, cheese and something sweet out of the cupboards for us to munch on. If I was right, Jim probably hadn't had anything decent to eat for days. Beatrice looked at me with kind of a grudging approval. If I hadn't known better, I'd have thought she was his mother, watching over her little boy in the presence of a woman of doubtful virtue. Well, I suppose in some ways I was a woman of doubtful virtue, but it was never negotiable virtue. I couldn't be bought for money, though it had been tried a couple of times. Expensive gifts rather than actual money in one case. Once I had the coffee going I sat down with the two of them at the kitchen table. "Beatrice is kind of difficult to explain in my life, Susan," Jim started. "She's a sort of combination guardian angel, mother and muse. Actually, she's my next-door neighbour. She's married to Wanda and they have a little girl and she kind of adopted me, too. She bullies me into eating now and again and doing the laundry and washing the dishes, stuff like that. I owe her a lot for that, and she's been following the thesis for the last year. I try difficult parts with her and she makes me clean them up, make them clearer. She pushes me to explain, to question the sources, to look at the information in a different way." Beatrice nodded at this explanation of her role in Jim's life. While it didn't much matter, I was kind of glad to find that she wasn't Jim's significant other. Part of the role she played was clearly as Jim's significant mother. I grinned to myself at the thought, and I'm pretty sure Beatrice was following my thinking, because she traded me back a rueful grin. "So what have you managed?" I asked when the coffee was done and we could get into serious talk. "I think I have a useful alternative view of what the Spanish authorities in Mexico were trying to achieve. Most authorities seem to think they were more domineering than I do. The evidence can support my view, and that's what I wanted to do, present a way to look at it differently. Multiple perspectives lets us understand it better." "I'm pleased you were able to get it done, then." The three of us chatted about Jim's achievement, and the work he still had to do. Then we wandered off into talk about other things, mostly in and around Riverton and the university community. Beatrice surprised me at one point. "I gather you were one of the Group's sharings a few weeks ago." She looked to be some combination of sympathetic and disapproving, protectiveness for Jim overlying it all. I wasn't all that sure why she should be feeling protective of him concerning me. She was a sort of mother surrogate, but he didn't have any interest in me. "No. I wasn't warned in advance, so I bailed out on them. I'd like to think I'd never do that sort of thing, but who knows, if the right set of circumstances ever developed." "Just wondered." A little later her maternal interest in protecting Jim became somewhat clearer. "You know, Susan, I really appreciate this chance to get to know you. Jim's said so much. He's always wondering if you'd like something or not, or what you might say about something that happened. I almost feel as if I know you." Well, that was a surprise. I hadn't actually thought Jim knew whether I was anywhere on the face of the Earth. It didn't hurt the old ego, either. So there was someone out there who wasn't really family who cared whether I lived or died. Even cared what I might think about something. That was a nice feeling. Eventually we were talked out and the coffee was gone - related events, I'm sure - and they were putting on their coats. "So, Susan, can I call you again?" Jim asked. "Yes. I'm going home for Christmas, so sometime in the new year if you want." "I'll do that." Beatrice and I exchanged polite so nice to have met yous. Jim thanked me for letting him share his achievement. He gave me a cheek kiss as a goodbye. I suppose we should have wished each other Merry Christmas, too, but I think we were all thinking about how nice it was that Jim had finally got the thesis dragon off his back. Christmas was more what waited at home. I had a good dose of family loving, got to feel Fi's baby kick - she was pretty close to bowling ball big - kidded around with Josh and exchanged love with three sets of parents. All of it was the sort of fuel I'd need to make it through the next few months before the tour business opened up again. I'd been guaranteed the job come spring, and that was another confidence builder. Jim called a couple of nights after I got back. "Hi Susan, good to hear your voice." "Yours, too." I was a little surprised that hearing Jim's voice actually had been a bit of a rush. "A couple of things, one business, one pleasure." "Are you a business first kind of guy?" "I suppose. I usually find it gives me more time for pleasure." I could almost see his funny little grin over the phone. "Okay, what's the business," I prodded. "We edit a journal in the history department here, aimed mostly at aspects of the history of this region. Sometimes there are articles of national importance that feature the region or people from here originally, that sort of thing." "I know that. I got some of my tour guide script out of it. It's pretty respectable." "Yeah, I'd say it was top of the line, proper footnotes, refereed articles, the whole bit. Anyway, we want you to do an article on some aspect of the city's history for us." "Not just a note?" I knew that journal usually carried four or five notes in each issue - it was a quarterly - that touched briefly on some aspect of the region's history. "No, a full-fledged article if you would." "Yeah, I could do that, I guess." I was all calm scholarly indifference. Inside I wanted to squeal. Me, with a published academic paper! It was too much to take in. The subject was, for me, obvious. "Do you think they'd take one on the struggles of the first widow Armsworthy?" "Yeah, that sounds like just the thing. Interesting subject, good story, heavily documented - you can do that can't you?" I nodded happily. "Susan, you can do that can't you?" "Uh, sure, there are several diaries and some newspaper accounts but not too much official." Nodding didn't do a lot when you're on the phone. "Gender history, social history, lots of the basics. It would be great." "You don't think they'll be upset because it would essentially be the history of a bawdy house?" "No, lets them feel wicked in a good cause." "Okay, I'll do it. How's your thesis?" "No problem. I've been working on the revisions and they're coming along fine. My adviser says it might even be publishable. I'll look into that after I get it through my committee, but I don't think that will be a big problem." "Oh Jim, I'm so pleased for you." "Well, about that. I can only work on the revisions for five or six hours a day. Any longer and my eyes go fuzzy and I start changing T H E into T E H, stuff like that, a complete waste of time. So I'm in a position to go out and about a little. I'd like to go out and about with you if you can put up with me. How does Friday at seven sound?" "Sounds wonderful." We were on the phone for another half hour but I don't think there was much content to what we said. It was a wonderful courtship. I didn't think of it that way at the time, but looking back I can see Jim was easing us into a relationship. I went out with him Friday, nothing too threatening, and when he brought me home he kissed me, a little more than a friend's kiss. Then the next week we went out Friday and Saturday. The next week, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. The kisses got stronger, sometimes from him and sometimes from me, and there were more of them and hugs and caresses. The Friday we'd been half an hour or more saying good night. The Saturday, when we got to my door I invited Jim up. "I've never had a guy up here, so I hope you don't trip on a bra." "That's a true mark of trust, Susan. Humbling, a little." "The invitation, or the bra?" "I hope you took your panties off the shower rail." Jim didn't make a move on me, and I let him alone. We just sat and chatted far into the night. I think it was about 2:30 when Jim finally left. It had been quite wonderful. I invited him in the next Friday, and it was different. Just as lovely, in its way, but we were intensely aware of each other as sexual beings from the moment I closed the door. Jim couldn't take his eyes off me. That was fine. I was looking at him, too. All over. Maybe he wasn't the biggest guy around, but he was solid. He hadn't been eating all that well and he was a little pasty from all the indoor work, but that could be fixed. My planning session got a little jolt. Obviously I was looking forward to having him around for quite a while. I'd never really thought that way about another guy before. We'd never even had sex. Well, that was going to change. That was another first, for me. The way I thought about Jim, the sex wasn't going to be a deal breaker. Oh, if he had mad rapist fantasies he wanted to try out or was into bondage or stuff like that, maybe, but I couldn't see that in him. I'd maybe had too much sex, even if it was expected of a single woman, and I'd more or less sworn off for the last couple of months. I was more into caring, and I'd found that with Jim. He moved toward me with a lazy grace. "Tell me if you aren't ready for this, Susan," he murmured. "Because it's all I've been thinking about for the past year and a half." "I think I'm ready, Jim." I felt a touch of wetness between my legs. "More than ready, perhaps. Looking forward to it." No more words. Let there be no more words, I thought. Let there just be feeling. And so it was. We undressed each other carefully, sensually, willing that nothing would break the mood. Then we were naked with each other in my bedroom. I ran my hand over shoulders that seemed broader than when he was dressed. There was promise there. Jim wrapped his arms around my waist. After a few moments of just enjoying the feel of me, a sensation that sent fire through my blood, he pulled me in for a kiss. His hands slid over the planes of my back as he kissed me, warm and loving. He pulled his head back. "I put off getting serious with you because I thought it would be a mistake." "How so?" "I thought it would be a distraction. That I'd never get my work done. I was wrong." "In what way?" I was fascinated by him. Here we were naked and he was apologizing for not making an effort earlier, instead of proceeding to make love to me until I was senseless. "All I could do was to think about you, instead of some dusty Spanish archive. I imagined how it might be between us. My imagination was all wrong. It's so much better than I ever thought." "How does that make you wrong?" "It was wrong because I had no idea of the peace you could bring. The joy of being with you would banish my worries, and I'd actually get more done even while I devoted my life to pleasing you." "But we haven't done anything yet." "Yet. What a wonderful word. I want you to know that I care for you, Susan. I care a great deal. And I want to say that before we get lost in what I know will be marvellous." He held me out at arm's length for a moment. "Oh, Susan, look at you. Could there be any one more beautiful? Not for me. Could there be any one more just plain wonderful?" Obviously not to him. My heart lurched, but there was no way to reply. I was no virgin goddess, but I'd never convince him otherwise. I had no wish to. Being someone's goddess just felt right. He pulled me back into him. Our bodies meshed. My breasts flattened against his chest. My nipples rose. My loins felt the force of his arousal. And we kissed. Jim started by kissing lightly along my mouth from one corner to the other, little kisses, fluttery kisses, kisses that warmed me. Not heat, not yet, just the warmth of shared love and caring. I was too deep into the sensations for "love" to penetrate my consciousness and break the mood, the feeling, the time. It felt right. I kissed back, too. I was gentle, the way he was kissing me. I opened my lips, just a little. He ran his tongue along my upper lip, then my lower lip. I could feel fluttering below my stomach. When I opened my mouth wider for him, Jim's tongue was a tentative explorer. Mine was fiercer. Jim didn't respond to my passionate entry. He stayed slow, calm, exchanging caring for passion. I backed off. Our tongues met, not duelling, greeting each other like old friends rather than competitive conquerors. We explored each other slowly and completely. Our tongues made love. I knew Jim wanted me. The strength of his erection made that clear, jammed into my abdomen as it was. But Jim wanted me in a new way. He wanted me in a more permanent way. He wanted to share lovemaking. He wanted it to be lovemaking. How did I know? No idea. But it felt right. We broke for air and returned to our gentle but sensual kiss. Now our hands started to wander. Mine dropped to his firm buttocks, pulling him against me. His did the same. He ran his hands over the smooth skin of my bottom, explored briefly, returned to caress, then to return my pressure. "You know, the bed would be more comfortable," he suggested. Since my knees were beginning to give way I could only murmur "Mmhmmn." He led me to the bed and threw back the covers. Neither of us wanted to put out the light. There were memories to be made. We were proposing to make love. Love needn't be hidden in the darkness. We each got into the bed, eager to share our bodies but neither wanting to let passion override our enjoyment of the feelings of love and caring we had for each other. We continued to caress each other as we explored each other in the light. I found a ridge of scar near Jim's knee. "Skateboard accident," he murmured when he felt me discover it. It felt special to be getting to know someone so intimately, to have him learning me as well. A mutual sharing of pleasures. It was only after we'd drunk in the sensations of each other's body, from head to foot, that we attended to the more responsive areas. We'd learned in our explorations of touches that gave pleasure. Jim attended to my breasts. My nipples rose again to his touch and then his tongue and his lips. I lay back to enjoy his attentions. He suckled me, gently, and fire swept through me again. I held back from forcing a coupling, or other attentions. It was clear that he wanted to please me, but he wanted to absorb my pleasure, too. My need was growing but I could delay my satisfaction, for a few moments. Jim kissed his way from my breasts to my ears, along the line of my jaw, a little nip of my earlobe signalling completion, and enticement. My body lurched. He repeated along the other side of my face, dropped down to swirl his tongue in the hollow of my throat, lifted to kiss me again, a long, loving kiss that turned passionate for us both. He retreated, dropped his mouth to tongue along the hollow between my breasts, moving down over my stomach, swirling briefly in my navel, sending sparks shooting once again. All this time I lay back enjoying his attentions, my hands and fingers fluttering over as much of him as I could reach, paying special attention to those places I'd already learned would give him extra pleasure. Jim was inflaming me, now. His lips and tongue were active in my most intimate place, the place I wanted him to be so badly. Every touch from him inflamed my desire. I felt that I was being pushed by a velvet hand into a place of joy, and then, suddenly, I was there, floating, all of my nerve endings afire and suddenly bliss. I was quite some time floating down. He stayed with me, his tongue just touching now and again, sending another shiver through me each time. By the time we joined I was beyond wanting him. I was sure I'd die if he didn't complete me. When he was in I felt so fulfilled. It was as if we were joined, two made into one. Jim let us enjoy that sense of oneness, then commenced a slow rhythm. He never changed it. The rhythm of the ages it was. It seemed a long, slow walk up a gentle slope, but then suddenly I was with Jim in that special place and my body writhed with his while we shared the glory of our releases. Never like this. "You're addictive, you know," I told him. "I hope so, because I'm hooked." We made love - made love, not just had sex - another couple of times that night. It seemed we could never get enough of each other or of that gentle loving. Then we fell asleep in my bed, curled into each other. I spooned him. In the morning we fed our lusts again before we arose. "This is what I think forever feels like," Jim told me after. I didn't know how to respond. We met frequently after that, sometimes at his place and sometimes at mine. Always we made love. We shared other aspects of our lives as well. I remember that after the first night I spent at Jim's Beatrice came in after breakfast. She smiled at Jim and just hugged me. "You're so good for him, you know," she told me. I didn't know that. I was more concerned with Jim being good for me. It was a while before I figured out that making things good for Jim was important to me, probably more important than anything else in my life. I could trust Jim to make things good for me. That's when I knew I could spend a long time making things good for him. Jim helped me finish up the paper on the bawdy house. I helped him edit his thesis. We made life better for both of us. We didn't take from each other so much as we gave to each other, and joyed in the pleasure we conveyed. Things moved fast for us, too. In the middle of February, Jim came over for a little loving which I was anticipating with a great deal of glee. It had been almost twenty-four hours since we'd last shared our bodies. We had it bad. He wanted to ask me a question, he said. It was when he dropped to his knees that I figured out what the question was. I almost said yes before he could get the question out. He wasn't planning on asking if I needed more coffee cream. "Susan, I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do me the honour of marrying me and making me the happiest man on Earth?" "Yes," I sobbed. I was crying. It was too wonderful. I could hardly see the ring he held out. It was absolutely beautiful. It was fantastic. It wasn't until the next morning that I figured out it was a small diamond with a couple of tiny emerald chips to give it colour and character. It was Jim's heart in that ring, and he gave it to me. It was beautiful. "We're engaged now," he whispered to me. My Sister, Fiona Ch. 03: Brianna An anonymous commentator first suggested about a year ago that further stories about how the other characters got on might be interesting. Susan's story has already been told. This is Bree's story. My Sister Fiona gives you Ron's side of most of it. *** I can't remember a time when I didn't love my big brother, Ron. I like to think of us as a love story, a story about how a forbidden love developed over time and blossomed in the midst of adversity. I really think it is, but it's also a story of evil, stupidity, reticence and education. The evil happened to my older sister Fiona. There was a lot of effort from everybody to get her as far over it as she's going to get. I'm glad to say she got far enough out of it to make a life for herself and her family. The stupidity was part mine, part Ron's and even part Susan's. I'll explain later. The reticence was mostly mine, holding back when I wanted to let go, and maybe should have. The education was mostly for Ron, provided partly by Susan and mostly by me. I probably learned some, too, here and there. You could say that our story started the year Fi had her horrible problem, but really it goes back a lot farther than that. My first memories are of playing with Ron and Fi in the backyard. Fi, as usual, was the organizer. I'm pretty sure Susan Martin was there, too, Fi's best friend in all the world outside her family. It was years before I figured out that technically Susan wasn't part of our family. You couldn't tell it by any of us. I suppose I was three, which would make Fi five and Ron seven, quite a spread for three kids to be playing together, even siblings, but it wasn't at all unusual for us. You see, Fi was so loveable we'd do anything she asked. Since she loved us, she wanted us to be together lots. That's not to say that Ron didn't go off sometimes with the guys (are they guys yet at seven?) and I'd play some with my age group and Fi would just play with Susan, but it didn't happen nearly as much as it did in other families I came to know. Anyway, the way Fi ran it we'd play girlie games for about a half hour, maybe a doll tea or paper doll fashions, and Ron would participate even if he was dying inside. The things that can embarrass a seven-year-old boy are legion. The second half we'd play boys' games, like war or, I guess, war. Fi would be the general. Then we'd do something that wasn't gender-tied, like soccer or baseball. Because Susan was always there we had equal sides, Ron and I against Fi and Susan. When we were younger we played catch or something, but Fi usually had rules even for that to make me almost Ron's equal. Fi's passion for fairness was another reason we all loved her. I loved Ron because, unlike most of the little boys around at the time, he made time to play with his sisters. That made us feel special. Ron was good that way. There wasn't any special event that made Ron loveable. It's just that he was always there for us. Fi was small, I know, and an easy target for bullies. She was never bullied. A lot of it was because everybody loved her. Even a bully can be put off by numbers. Another was because she'd never give in. If it wasn't fair she wouldn't do it, and giving up her allowance or whatever they tried to make her do just wasn't going to happen. The third was that they didn't want a whirling dervish who would never give up if you were hurting his sister no matter how hard you hit him. That would be Ron. It would usually be me, too, and didn't they look silly trying to put down someone that small. Then I got bigger than Fi and I was worse trouble. It came to be a byword that you didn't mess with the Hamilton kids. It made life easier for all of us. Fiona started school two years before I did. I can remember bitterly resenting the fact that I wasn't allowed to go yet. I taught myself so much, with Fi's help, and sometimes Ron's, that they booted me ahead after my first week in school, so I was just a year behind Fi. That seemed just about right to me, and Fi and Susan seemed to be happy that there wasn't quite as much obvious distance, too. That's basically the way it went through school. Somewhere along the way I misplaced my virginity, which I later came to regret, but not bitterly. When you're young and stupid you do young and stupid things. It's the way we're built. There doesn't seem to be any reason to regret going with the cultural imperative. You'd have to be superwoman to get everything perfect. Trust me, I've done stupider things in my life. So when it all blew up on us we were a pretty close bunch, the three of us and Susan, and for the last year or so Josh Talbot, Fi's boyfriend and second shadow. Josh had an older brother, Jim, but he wasn't around much. We kind of welcomed Josh and kind of swallowed him up. The five of us weren't totally exclusive even though we did tend to hang pretty tight. It was probably Fi. Everybody loved Fi. The morning of the incident, which is what the police called it even though I still think of it as a disaster, I was called out of class to go to the Dean of Student Affairs. It was just first year for me, a couple of weeks after my eighteenth birthday, and I was a little nervous even though I was positive no one could possibly know who'd put the detergent in the cola dispenser. Lots of bubbles! The last bubbles I thought of for months, actually. I was standing in the waiting area, sort of bouncing from one foot to the other, not entirely sure that they didn't have anything on me, when Ron came in. Since Ron never got into the kind of messes I did (but got out of, too, by myself, even if I used Ron's name as a kind of "Open Sesame" talisman when I was in a little deep) I had no idea what was going on. They could scarcely toss us both out for something he had nothing to do with. Or was it that business the two of us concocted when I was working in the alumni office, taking the whole family out of their records? They might have nailed me if they were very good, but I don't think his fingerprints were on anything. "Do either of you know where your parents are right now?" the administrative assistant asked. "It's extremely important." "No, Dad is at the capital for something to do with the government, and Mom is up in the mountains on a biology project, and there's no cell reception," Ron explained. Oh, oh. They must have caught on to something massive if they were about to drag the parents in. I got a little more nervous. "All right. Please go in to see Mr. Wales. He's expecting you." Ron seemed to have no more idea than I did of what was going on. I suppose his conscience was cleaner. "Mr. Hamilton, Ms. Hamilton, I have very bad news, I'm afraid," the dean started out. "Your sister Fiona has been attacked on campus, in the gym, actually, by one of our staff. She was raped. She's in hospital, now. We have the man we believe responsible, and we've turned him over to the police. My assistant will take you to see her, now." Oh shit. It was about Fi. She'd been hurt. I couldn't believe it. No one would hurt Fiona. It just couldn't be! Ron offered to drive us over. I wasn't even thinking about driving. I don't know that I was actually thinking. Ron just wrapped me up. A wonderful hug. It helped. Not enough, but then nothing could be enough just then. "As upsetting as this has to be for you, as it is for me, you shouldn't drive. I'd take you, but I don't think I should drive, either. It's important for you to see her, though. She's gone through a terrible time, and needs all the support, the love and friendship, that she can get. Please help her." "Of course." I agreed. Anything Fi might need I'd give her, and if she needed me, then that's what she'd get. Ron was the same. It never occurred to us to do anything else. Ron might have had a date that night, I wasn't sure, and he never let on, but if so, it went right out of his mind. "Does she have a special friend, or a boyfriend, or both?" "Yes, Susan Martin has been her friend since forever, and she's been going out with Josh Talbot for a while." That sounds better than it actually was, as Ron sort of gasped it out. I couldn't speak. My gut was roiling. Not Fi! I just nodded to confirm what he'd said. "We'll see that they're advised. Poor Fiona. You know, I'm a gentle man, but I felt so much like I wanted to kill that son of a bitch, I really did. "Look, you've got to go see her. Help her. Show her how much she's loved. I know that much. I'll want to see her, and you again. We are arranging counselling for everyone involved, and anyone else who feels they might need it. Poor girl. Go. Help her." We went. The assistant was pretty much no nonsense, and whatever obstacles they put in our way, she just rammed through. I wouldn't want to get in her way, and I can be a pretty rough customer, knowing I have the rest of the five musketeers in my corner. Fiona was weeping. She looked like hell. I took one hand, and Ron took the other. I started to cry, too, quietly. Tears were pouring down my face. They were a mix of sorrow for what Fi had suffered and anger at the son of a bitch who'd done it. Ron was crying, too. Guys don't show their emotions as much, but you could tell Ron felt gut-punched. Me too. "Ronnie? Bree?" she whispered. "Yeah, it's us, cupcake. We love you," Ron told her. "We're here for you, Fi. We'll always be here for you," I added. The doctor just stayed back out of the way. No "I'm the doctor and I know best" shit. She probably did know best. Fi needed support just then more than anything else, and that's what we were there for. A few minutes later, Susan Martin and Josh Talbot came in. They both looked liked death warmed over, and not warmed up too much, at that. Susan took one look, touched Fi's hand in greeting, and hugged me. She knew that this had hurt me nearly as bad as it had hurt Fi. Ron knew, too, I could tell, but just then Fi was the one hurt worse and that's where he focussed. It felt good that he knew there'd been an impact on me as well. Of course, he was hurting, too. He put it off, the way I had. Our hurts had to wait. Josh took the hand I had been holding, ever so gently. I didn't fight it. Fi needed Josh more than me just then. "It's Josh and Susan," Ron told Fi. "Fi, Josh is here because he loves you." It seemed plenty obvious to me, but I suppose it had to be said. We were all there because we loved her. Always would. Some things are hard-wired, and that was one. Josh admitted that he loved her. He looked surprised. I think myself that he knew he loved her but hadn't realized until then just how much he loved her. Looked like forever stuff to me. I'm pretty sure Susan and Ron caught Josh's epiphany too. I hoped it would help more than it complicated things for Fi. There'd been the tiniest part of a smile when Josh took Fi's hand. It would help. It wasn't a complication at all. Susan took me home a little later. You couldn't have budged Josh with a hammer. Ron wasn't going anywhere, either. Susan promised to stay with me, and I promised to be back first thing in the morning. I guess we were day shift. Ron gave me a kiss goodbye. It was sweet. Once home Susan and I curled up in my bed and hugged. I'd known Susan for a long time, my whole life, in fact, but we got to know each other a lot better in those first bitter days. We came to depend on each other, lending strength when the other ran out, taking it when we needed it. It was friendship, family, my second sister. It helped us then in the midst of the pain and loss we both suffered for Fi, in keeping our strength to help Fi, and in getting through it when we discovered we were both in love with the same man. Dad almost collapsed when he got home. I was incredibly glad to see him, though. Ron was at the hospital and I really needed for there to be a man around. I was starting to get awake visions, starting at every noise, waiting for that bastard to break down the door and attack us, too. I'm not like that. I'm pretty good at being alone, but not that night. Once Dad was home, I felt better, safer. Nobody was going to get through him to hurt me. Susan was staying the night anyway. We weren't splitting up for a while. We needed to support each other, though we felt so much more secure now Dad was home. I got Susan one of my nightshirts and we climbed into my bed together after Dad fell asleep, maybe thirty seconds after his head hit the pillow. I'm not an early riser, but Susan and I were up early, eager to get to Fi's bedside. It was just on eight when we showed up at the hospital. Ron looked startled, but pleased. "Good morning, sweethearts," he greeted us. "Ron, before he went to bed Dad said to chase you home when we came in. He's still asleep and we were careful not to wake him." "Too bad," Susan chortled, "your dad's hot." That was Susan, being outrageous again, trying to take Fi's mind off her own problems, the way she usually did, and having it work again, too. It was pretty easy to love Susan. She explained that there wasn't any point in making a play for Dad, since he was so wrapped up in Mom. That was true. It was kind of hard to get Dad to admit that any other women, apart from Mom, even existed, except his daughters, of course, but they weren't women, yet. I doubt that in his mind we ever would be. It was warming even if it was frustrating at times. Fi nodded slightly in confirmation. I took Fi's hand from Ron. A little physical contact to prove we were still here, and that she wasn't dirty or in any way untouchable. Being support. Josh's handholding was probably more effective. "You all right, Bree?" Ron asked. Of course he could tell I was upset. Ron's like that. He can feel what the people close to him feel. More important, he cares about how they feel. "Yeah, Susan's been great. Go to sleep when you get home, Ron. Dad can take care of himself, and they think Mom will be home by suppertime." Ron kissed Fi goodbye, right on the lips, an "I'll always be here for you" kiss, which I think was just what the doctor ordered. Fi gave a little sigh and settled into it. I was surprised when my goodbye kiss was just the same. I don't think Ron had ever kissed me on the lips before. I settled into it, too, accepting his promise, enjoying the feel of his lips until the sparks started to ignite. You can't have sparks with your brother. It's not allowed. Happened, though. I knew I'd have to think about that for a while. I loved Ron, of course, and there were all kinds of good reasons for that. I don't think that was all of the message I was getting, though. Not a good thing, maybe. Perhaps I was misinterpreting my feelings. Wouldn't be the first time. Ron kissed Susan goodbye, too, the same way, since she was part of the family. It seemed to hit her as hard as it had hit me. I wondered whether she was starting to fall in love with Ron. She'd be good for him if that was what was happening. The fact that I got a little pang of jealousy - I was pretty sure it was jealousy - surprised me. It wasn't like I could ever get together with my brother. It was nice that someone who'd make him a fine partner had feelings for him. I supposed. Ron faked a kiss at Josh, who laughed (he needed to laugh, too) and waved it away with Fi's hand. He wasn't letting go, though. A little smile crept across Fi's face at the idea. Dad showed up later that morning. I was pleased he'd thought Fiona was in such good hands that he didn't have to rush. I passed him the hand I was holding. I could tell Fi noticed. She settled in more comfortably, a little more relaxed. Dad just held on, a little gentle pressure, showing her he was there for her, and no one could get through him. No way anyone was getting through him. Dad hugged me with his other arm and I put an arm around him. It felt really good. Settled me a lot, so I hugged Susan. She needed some love, too. She'd been shaken up pretty badly, just like the rest of us. So there we were, Dad holding Fi's hand, hugging me, me with an arm around Dad and another around Susan, Susan with an arm around me, Josh on the other side of the bed holding Fi's hand just as Dad did. We were like that pretty much until Mom came. She just grabbed Dad and hung on, crying, I think, though with Mom you can never be sure. She's pretty solid. Whoever decided women were flighty didn't know Mom. After she'd recovered her equilibrium, she reached out to Fi. "You know we love you, sweetheart," she told her. Fi nodded. It wasn't a statement you could doubt, not when Mom said it that way. Mom was there about half an hour before she gave herself a quick sniff and said she'd better get cleaned up before the hospital people asked her to leave. "Be back in an hour, people, and I'll bring food." That sounded like a good idea. Susan and I hadn't had much for breakfast, and lunch had been a shared doughnut Dad had brought up for us. "You don't need to hurry, Mom. We're good for a bit," I told her. Mom was back in about an hour and a half with the best part of the menu from the local Chinese food place, toted in by Ron. I nearly missed supper the way Josh was mechanically eating everything within reach. Looked like his reflexes were fine. Mom had cleaned up and even fixed herself up a little. She looked pretty good. I saw Dad's eyes widen when she came in, and a hint of a smile. It was so good to see they were still in love. They could get through this, and that would help Fi so much. Susan's eyes opened a bit wider when Ron came in. Ron's eyes were on Fi, though. I wasn't sure why I didn't feel as pleased that Susan cared for Ron when I was so happy that my parents still loved each other. Ron kissed me on the lips again. He'd never done that before, and now here it was twice in one day. His kiss made things start fluttering inside. It couldn't be lust, since he was my brother. I didn't know quite what to make of it. He kissed Susan, too, who made a production of it for Fi's benefit - Fi even giggled - and kissed Fi hello. I gave Fi a quick kiss goodbye. Susan gave Josh a pretty hearty kiss. Fi smiled, and whispered "He's mine." "That he is, sweetheart, that he is," Susan conceded. "But your brother's fair game." I wasn't so sure that was so, but it probably was. After all, I couldn't have him. I wondered briefly whether I should have put more effort into kissing Ron back. The surprise at being kissed like a real female rather than a sister had put me off my stride. Perhaps I could do better in the morning. I warned Ron that Fi was having problems still, with fierce bad dreams. "Hug her, Ron. It'll take the two of you, but it seems to be what works." "Now that's no burden," he laughed, one eye on Fi, checking her reaction. He grinned when she gave him a tiny smile. I grinned, too. If love could do it, we'd get her out of this. Mom chased Susan and I out, insisting that if we were going to be day shift we had to get our rest. Dad came with us. He was day shift, too, I guess. She promised to be home in a bit. Once we got home and were private in my room I asked Susan "Susan, should I be feeling all hot when my brother kisses me?" She looked startled. "Well, your brother is a hot guy, Bree, and maybe that's it. I get hot and bothered kissing him, too." "You put your back into it, Susan, I saw you. It should have been a hot kiss." "Yeah, I tried. I really like your brother. I think Ron's more than just a hot guy. He's forever stuff." "I think so too." I wasn't too sure where that came from. At least I hadn't said he was forever for me. I hoped Susan would take it as a simple compliment. Ron was a pretty wonderful guy. I could tell she thought so. Neither of us got too much sleep, tossing and turning to all hours. It might have been about Fi's terrible situation, but it might have been about being kissed by Ron. That's what was working through my mind, anyway. What hurt was that I couldn't have him. Susan wanted him, and at least she wasn't his sister, not by blood, anyway. If I pushed it at all it would hurt Susan and it would hurt Ron, too, and it would just get me into a mess with someone I couldn't have. All of society's strictures were against it. It was illegal, too, for whatever that's worth in this day and age. Not as much as what Ron's ingrained disgust would do to me. My Sister, Fiona Ch. 03: Brianna The next morning when we got to Fi's room, Susan met Ron with a steaming kiss. She put everything she had into it, lip action, tongue, suction. Fi noticed the kiss, though not the erection Susan gave him, and seemed to be a little shocked. I imagine it was good for her to think about someone else for a change. Not that she's self-centred in any way, just that when things have gone as badly as they did it's hard not to dwell on the downside and the inside. I was even more shocked, I think. Susan had given Ron quite an erection. I kissed Ron on the lips, cooling down what I wanted to do, though my tongue crept out a little without me noticing. Well, I noticed as soon as I hit Ron's tongue, and I pulled back right away though I didn't give up on the kiss too quickly. I didn't need to get him thinking about the wrong sister that day, and if our parents had noticed there'd be a lot more than shock. I didn't think I'd reacted to Susan's kiss, but I guess I showed some irritation. It wasn't just because it was inappropriate, though that's all I should have been reacting to. I didn't know where my head was going just then, but it wasn't all that sane a place. Later on, after Mom threw everyone out of Fi's room except for me so Fiona could get dressed to go home, Ron and Susan disappeared somewhere for a bit. I didn't suppose they were discussing the bilious shade of green they'd painted the waiting room. I was certain they were exploring whether that kiss could go farther. I was glad for Ron, and I knew Susan was looking for someone, and he'd be so good for her it hurt. It occurred to me that maybe Ron would be good for me, too. That way lay madness, and I was already rocky enough. Damn. I wasn't too upset when Mom set Susan and me to delivering the extra flowers to people on the floor who could use flowers to brighten up their lives. Susan had a kind word for everyone. I tried, but my thinking wasn't always straight. I was thinking of Fi's trials, and the hard work she'd have to put in to get over them. Sure I was. I was trying to figure out how a girl could hold onto her brother for life - that startled me - without destroying a friendship that was starting to build big time from a pretty solid base. It was so obvious she wanted him, too. Ron only had eyes for Fi, so we couldn't tell. At least Fi was taken and I wouldn't have to figure out how to get around her without hurting her. What a mess. When we were ready to go home, Fi was walking, holding tight to my arm. She was stiff from lying down for so long, and from her injury, but seemed to be glad to be up and around. I did my best to make her feel protected, though with Mom, Ron, Josh and Dad all around there wasn't anything going to get through to her. I did manhandle an obstreperous trashcan. Made me feel better. We all managed to get into the same elevator car and started down. Fi didn't talk much but I knew she appreciated the support. Susan arranged to sleep with me at our house once Fiona was home. She excused it by telling everyone she wanted to be there for Fi, but I know that she was afraid to be alone. So was I. What had happened to Fi left its mark on me, too, as well as Susan, and just then it was hitting her hard. That first night at supper we were crammed quite tightly around the dinner table. Susan pressed into Ron a couple of times, but it was just for the comfort of knowing someone who cared about her was there. I know I pressed against Fi from time to time for the same reason, and I'm sure she appreciated the comfort as well. At least Susan stayed away from Josh, though he could have used a little love, too. Fi was sending a fair amount of it in his direction. Figuring out who was going to sleep where was a problem. There weren't enough beds. Susan suggested she could sleep with Ron, but Mom briskly decided she'd sleep with me. Josh was going to sleep on Fi's floor. No one pushed that, since it seemed obvious she wasn't about to invite him into her bed and he wouldn't go any farther away from her. Actually, Fi wanted to sleep with Ron. As usual, what Fi wanted she got, though I don't mean that in a mean way. She just convinced us all that it was the right thing. I thought so. Once everyone settled in, I wandered in to sleep with Ron, too. I needed big brother's comfort that night, and I was kind of glad to have Fi there as well. Susan ended up with Josh in Fi's bed so they could give a little comfort to each other. I guess Dad thought it was all right, since when he came in the next morning he was talking about getting Ron a bed big enough for the three of us. It did my heart good to hear the two of them, Ron and Dad, teasing each other. That morning Josh had to go home to get changed and Susan started off to class from our place. Ron and I had been given until the next week. Susan gave everyone a kiss when she left, with a little extra effort in the one she gave Ron, not too heated, this time, but with a lot of love. I thought it was a little over the top but Ron seemed to enjoy it. I got a kiss from Josh when he left, too, which was really nice of him. No wonder Fi loved him. Mom made Fi have a nap in the morning, and Ron went up to join her. In the afternoon, Mom napped with her, while Ron and I cuddled on the couch. That was comforting. We were there for a couple of hours, just holding each other. Ron had been so giving, I knew he had to get some love back. He wasn't going to run out, but I thought it was important for him to know that he was loved, too. When Fi's therapist came for her first session, Mom and Ron and I gathered on the couch, not really sure what we were doing or why we were there. As far as I knew, I was there to get comfort from the others. Fi screamed a couple of times. I was glad I had people to hold when that happened. Ron ended up hugging Mom on one side and me on the other, and I was hugging back pretty hard. That's where we were when the therapist came back down. Ron and I stayed hugging while Mom went up to lie down with Fi after the therapist left. It felt good. I got a little warm, but it didn't make me loosen up. Fi had some bad experiences to get out and I was scared for her. I needed that hug. I was still hugging Ron, who was hugging back pretty hard, when Mom and Fi came downstairs a couple of hours later. We sandwiched Fi into our little hug-a-thon without even thinking about it. Fi was pleased that we hadn't even thought, just gathered her in. Fi gave me a little kiss, which was sweet of her, and a little kiss to Ron, too. Ron kissed her back tentatively, so I did. Then I kissed Ron. Fi smiled at each of us, which was great to see. Fi hadn't had much to smile at, lately. "Ron, you can kiss me," she laughed. "I promise I won't take advantage of you. I make no promises for Bree, though!" Ron seemed to take that in stride. Ron and I started back to classes Monday. Someone she knew was going to stay home with Fi every day, so there was always someone there for Fiona. The Tuesday after we started classes Dad took Fi down to make her statement to the police. Ron and I went with them. Fi might need holding on the way back. We all expected it to be very hard on her. Ron or Dad might need holding, too. Even me. Maybe especially me. The police wanted Fi to meet with only one cop, a policewoman who was quite sympathetic. Dad said we had to have someone from the family and he was planning on being there for his daughter. Fi said she couldn't talk about it in front of a guy, even Dad. It was too horrible. I got elected. It was awful. Fi broke down a few times, naturally enough. I'd hug her tight, give her a kiss, hug her some more. I guess we hugged most of the time. I've never wanted to really kill anyone before. I suppose I cried for most of the hour. I've never talked about what Fi told the police and I'm not going to start now. Fi came back from the video room just about falling apart. The cop was pretty shaken and looked like she wanted to kill somebody. She couldn't stop fiddling with her gun. Dad gave her a quick hug before he gathered Fi in. The policewoman was shocked, I think, but it was good for her. I could see her settling down. I was still crying so Ron gathered me in. It was a real comfort, so safe, to be held in big brother's arms like that. Nobody was any good for the rest of the day. The three of us curled up together on Ron's bed and it was suppertime before any of us were able to get up. I'm glad Mom was there for Dad. She gathered him in as soon as we were back in the house and they went off for a little personal time. We didn't even notice until we compared notes after supper. Everyone had needed love and comfort. What's so wonderful about all this is that everyone got it. Fi stopped sleeping with us when Josh started sleeping in her bed with her. I had to pummel Ron into leaving them alone. He was overly protective, and it was hard to blame him. Fi needed protection. But it was Josh's protection she needed most, and that was hard for Ron to take. Besides, as far as I knew it was just sleep and comfort. Fi wasn't that cured yet, but it was coming along, and I made Ron realize that. I didn't stop sleeping with Ron just because Fi did, though. The comfort of being in his bed wasn't something I wanted to give up. He didn't boot me out, either, so maybe I was doing something for him. God knows I wanted to. I couldn't tell what my parents thought about our continuing that way. Dad just ignored it. It seemed like he didn't particularly want to stop it, but knew there wasn't any future in it. He wouldn't want either of us to be hurt. Mom, as usual, was more direct. "You're building up heartache, sweetling," she told me one morning when we were alone together. "Probably, Mom, but what if I'm not?" Her sharply indrawn breath made me aware that she hadn't actually considered that possibility. "What if that's where my life's heart is, Mom, and I'm not brave enough to try for it?" "You know what the problems are," she stated. I nodded acquiescence. I knew. "Then you have to follow your heart, dear, but be prepared for the hurts." "I will. I am." "I can hardly tell you he's not worth it, can I?" she laughed. "Not my boy." Fi was able to go to Ron's graduation. All of us made sure that she wasn't crowded or jostled. All kinds of friends stopped by, careful to give her lots of room, telling her how glad they were to see her back. I saw fear creep into her eyes a couple of times when somebody got too enthusiastic, but then Josh or Susan or I were there for her right away, and Mom and Dad if they were needed. There was a lot of love for Fiona. Something I hoped for in my life, too. Fiona and I had both received all our credits for the year. Josh, too, though a couple were close, and Susan got by all her courses fairly easily. One day in May Ron and Susan were off by themselves for a good long time. I wondered whether they were getting that mutual attraction thing out of the way. They seemed sort of sated at supper, but not in love. What a stupid word. It has a thousand meanings, different for all of us, and each of us has a hundred meanings for it. Chase its etymology back to Middle English, Germanic roots, and even the Indo-European base you find in Sanskrit and it's still a confusion. Ron loved Susan all right. Susan loved him. It wasn't the same kind of love, it seemed, and they'd finally figured it out. Whoever Susan was meant for it wasn't Ron. She was pretty sad about that discovery, I think. I should have been more upset on her behalf than I was. By this time I'd figured out that I really wanted Ron. If he'd been in love with Susan, I could never have let him know. It wouldn't have been fair to her or to him. Besides, if he was anything like Dad, he wouldn't even notice. Talk about humiliation! So I was sad for Susan and glad to see Ron was still available. I couldn't have overcome love or friendship, but now those obstacles were gone. I only had to overcome the full force of social pressure, legal bans, parental disapproval and a few thousand years of social conditioning. Piece of cake! When a woman loves her brother she has many battles to fight, all rough, against determined enemies. She has to convince herself that it's more than sibling love, that it has become the kind of love a woman has for a man. You see, you know your brother, or at least you think you do, and you've loved him for ages, so is what you feel anything more than an extension of that feeling? Once you get past that hurdle, can you get over the rigidity of the social prohibition of the relationship you've just convinced yourself exists? I suppose it's easier if you just don't give a shit what everyone else says, but we do live in society and that society does say that what you've just concluded exists is wrong, and it takes a little work for most of us, the ones who do care what society says, to realize that in at least our case society is wrong, that denying our love is a greater wrong than breaking society's rule. Breaking the law is a simple peccadillo. No one enforces that one anyway, at least among consenting adults. Are you confused yet? Can you face the possibility of rejection, that your brother will be revolted by your declaration of love? He's been brought up to consider his sisters are inviolable, and it's his job to keep them that way. The social pressures lie even more heavily on him. He may simply dismiss your declaration as a fond outgrowth of your sibling love. Scariest of all, he may accept your declaration at face value and you have to figure out what happens next (well, after the obvious). If you're faced by those feelings and you've won your battles within yourself, why is it you that has to approach him? Mostly because he's been conditioned against that kind of relationship even more deeply than you have. If he's worth the having, he's not going to want to be seen as hitting on his little sister. If he's the one doing the pushing, the odds are that he's not worth having. If he isn't prepared to protect you before you get together, he's not likely going to protect you afterwards. If he's hitting on you it likely isn't much more than lust. He won't have thought of what the two of you will be giving up: most of your friends, your community (you have got to move away), formal marriage (do you bro take sis here to be . . . ) and quite possibly your parents. Can you have children? It's a decision to be made, but the chances of birth defects are very much higher than for an unrelated couple. It's not a hundred per cent, or even fifty per cent, but it's still high. Unacceptably high? You have to decide. So, is he worth it? You have to decide. You, you, you. In my case, I thought he was worth it, even with all of the problems I knew were coming if he accepted my love. Ron and I were lying down in my room one afternoon a couple of weeks after his graduation. Both of us had been up late the night before for some reason. We were still sleeping together though we didn't really need the reassurance any more. We just liked each other's company. We heard a scream from Fiona's room, and Ron started up. I held him back. "Sit down and shut up," I whispered. "It's not a nightmare." We started to hear words. "Oh yes, Josh, that's great, Josh, wonderful, oh so good." Fi wasn't hurting. It was more like the opposite of hurt. I smiled. It seemed like Fi had made it past the last part of the cure. With luck, we had all of our dear sister back, and probably a brother, too, if all went well. I was really happy for Fiona. Ron was grinning worse than I was. "Bree, I'm happy for Fi, since this is what she needs to be complete in herself again. Damn, I'm in love with my own sister. I think I'm jealous of Josh," Ron told me. "No, you're not jealous of Josh. You're a good guy. You're happy for Fi. So am I." "But I love Fi." "You know, you love your sisters, Ron, and you are in love with your sister, strange as it may seem, and your sister is in love with you. Maybe you should slow down and think about it." "That can't be, Bree. Fi is in love with Josh. You've seen all the signs for months now. It's pretty obvious they're a long-term twosome. I'd say they're a forever twosome except I don't want to jinx them. I envy them that connection." I squirmed a bit, pressing my body tighter against him. Time to pull out all the stops. "Right sentiment, brother, wrong sister." "Oh." If it hadn't been so important to me I would have laughed. You could actually see the realization spreading over his face, the light dawning in his eyes, and then closing down a little as he started to smoulder. Finally that heat was for me. Ron never seemed to care that the love of his life was his sister. I don't know if that was because he'd been trying to sort his feelings out about three sisters: Susan, Fiona and me, or because he just went where love took him. Me, I worried more about it. I'd made up my mind that since my one true love was my brother, I was going with the love, and be damned to the consequences, but I still worried about it. Still do, now and then. Ron's never made me feel he cared about that particular complication. He worked around the problems it caused for us, but it didn't really matter as such. He loved me, and that was all that mattered. Makes a girl feel really special. "Bree, you know I love Susan, as a sister, someone I care for. We're not meant for each other, though. I love Fiona, too, but she's got Josh and we've never been in love with each other. Until just now, I didn't realize that the love of my life is you. I love you, I'm in love with you, I'm in lust with you, and I want you with me all of my days." So much for my doubts. Wonderful man. "Makes two of us, Ron." I hadn't dare hope for forever. "Ron, doesn't this brother-sister thing put you off?" "It makes forever harder, Bree, no more than that. We can put up with the problems, if you're willing. Are you?" "Yes, oh yes." "I want to make love with you, to share our bodies and our lives." "Now, Ron, now." Ron and I started kissing. We'd never kissed like that before. It was heated. It was hot, passionate, yearning and somehow warm on top of it all. That was the love we were exchanging. Not fierce, yet, but a long way from "Hello". We got naked with each other quickly. Then we started exploring, each of us, with hands, mouths, lips, tongues and a few other bits pressed into service for the duration. We'd been sleeping with each other for some time, of course, and his hard maleness was sweetly familiar, but it had been chaste sleeping. Ron wouldn't press his attentions where it hadn't been made clear they were welcome, and I had been too conflicted in my own mind. It wasn't actually until Ron admitted he was in love with his sister that I decided that since I was in love with him, and always had been, that I was going to take my love for as long as I could have him. Ron and I had never actually been naked with each other. We'd never run our hands over the other's naked flesh, the way we were doing now. We hadn't caressed each other's backs and bums and thighs. We'd taken comfort from each other's presence and our bodies, but what we were doing now was beyond all that. Ron kissed me from my ears to my chest, his tongue darting out to take little tastes as he trailed heat down my jawline, down my neck, down my chest. I writhed and moaned while I kissed what I could reach of him and wrapped my hand around his sex. He licked my breasts, circling around my modest mounds with tongue and lips. He kissed my nipple alert and suckled it like a baby, then the gentlest nip. I couldn't hold back my moans of pleasure. Ron was sending heat straight to my core, spreading through the rest of my body. I'd anticipated his touch, heat, passion, but no dream could match the heat of the moment, the desire, the sense of completion, love matching love in fire, sparks, flame. He repeated with my other breast and nipple. I moaned again. My Sister, Fiona Ch. 03: Brianna "Bree, I know you're protected. Have you ever done this before?" "Not with you, Ron. I'm sure I would have remembered." "Bree, are you a virgin?" "I was one once, Ron, I think. That was a long time ago. I don't think you can be one again once you're not one." "Thank you, Bree." I wasn't too lost in feeling to be pert. I wanted to laugh. I was so happy. I had my love and he had me and everything was bright. Ron bit my nipples, not hard, just enough to let me know how much he appreciated a wiseacre lover. I laughed out loud. "Loving is fun, Ron." We got pretty serious for a while. Ron eased himself into my depths, filling me and completing me as nothing had before. I was warm and wet, gripping him with my internal muscles, welcoming him to the completion of our love. I didn't want to give up the feeling of wholeness having him inside gave me. "I've been waiting a long time, brother mine." I made sure Ron hit all of my sensitive spots. He would enjoy me more if I took pleasure in our coupling as well, I knew. I didn't quite take over. Men don't like that, at least not the first time you're together. But Ron wanted sharing and it was sharing, sharing the pleasure of our bodies while our minds focused on our love. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. It had sparks, love, joy in each other, something that said I love you, and I mean forever. Our orgasms, carefully nurtured and grown, hit us together. I gave a little scream of delight. Ron laughed because there had been an echo. Fi and Josh had been at it again. I laughed, too. Sex - loving - was fun. We kissed, each one adoring the other. We'd recognized the love we had for each other, we'd accepted it and we'd consummated it. There'd be problems, but problems we'd face together, two of us with one objective. After more sex. We snuggled for a while, then had to get up. Our parents had grown used to seeing us together, but not in post-coital bliss. It was going to be hard enough disguising how we felt for each other, and supper was only a short time away. Ron and I showered together, enjoying the look and feel of each other some more. We probably took too long about it. Either that, or not long enough. Forever might not have been too long. Fi hammered on the door. "Come on, you two lovebirds, get a move on." We got towels and came out, refreshed but not replete. "About bloody time," Fi laughed. She hadn't been referring to the length of our shower. "Probably, big sister, and for you, too." "Yes, about bloody time you two figured it out. And for us, too." Not surprisingly, Josh followed her into the shower. "Time for you, Ron, and time for me, and forever for us both," he told Ron as he went by. "My blessings on the two of you." "Bless you too," Ron and I told him. Having my sister back made life glorious, or was that because I had my brother, or was I just floating out there still climaxing? It didn't matter. Life was too good to be down. Oh hell. There was no way we were going to hide our new relationship. Ron was floating, and I was pretty well out of it too. I supposed we had to tell our parents, but I didn't want it to be this soon. It had to be sometime, I guess. No time was going to be good. Supper that night was very strange. Mom could tell with one look that the dam had broken for Fiona and she was as cured as she was going to get. She beamed at Fi's glow. One glance at me and her face clouded over with confusion. I was too spaced out just to be happy for Fi. I had to have connected with my one true love as well, as I had. Mom wasn't sure who that was until she looked at Ron. I could see the shrug, the one that said, "What the hell, they're in love." I should have expected Mom to be able to live with our connection even if she didn't much like it. There were parts of it I didn't much like, either, but those were accidents, really. I wasn't going back. Mom could see that, too. She gave me a little grin that said, "I'm glad all my children are happy." Dad noticed that Fi and Josh were solidly connected. "So, when's the wedding?" he joked. "About a year," Fi replied, and everyone else at the table choked, even Josh. Dad didn't appear to notice anything between Ron and me. I don't think Ron saw it, but I saw the little jolt, the one that said he knew what was going on and he was going to ignore it, thank you very much. My daughter has recovered and is getting married and nothing at all is going to mar my joy or her celebration. My younger daughter has gone too far and I'll deal with that another day. Or maybe I won't. Mom told us later to cool it. She figured Dad would eventually come around. "Don't cut into his joy at Fi's recovery, and his difficulty dealing with having to lose her again, even to a guy as good as Josh. You two have a problem almost as difficult as Fi's was, and we'll deal with that one, too. Just not today." I realized that Dad was going to have trouble with us, Ron and me. I had trouble with it myself. You shouldn't be in love with your brother. But I was, and there wasn't anything to be done about that. I didn't know how things were going to move forward, or how much trouble would develop, or whether I even had a home anymore, but I wasn't letting go of Ron. After all, I'd had to find him through my own stupidity, blindness and reluctance to seize on love. If you've gone that far for it, you can't let it go. A couple of days later, when they thought I was out, I heard Mom yelling at Dad. "If you push that any farther you're going to find out whether we need a new couch and you're going to have the rest of your short life to try out the old one. They are our children and we will stand beside them." "I just said there'd be problems, not that I'd disown them." Whoops. Maybe I ought not to have heard that. I wouldn't tell Ron. He didn't know that we might be something that could drive our parents apart. I'd hate that. Though it didn't sound like they were that far apart. Another couple of days. "Bree, I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes." "Certainly, Dad." Now, I figured maybe the world, or at least my world, was about to cave in. We went into the space he used as a home office when he had to pay bills or write letters or play with his computer. "Sit down. You've guessed that I know what's happening with you and Ron, and you've guessed I don't much like it." Dad could always read me, well, any of us. "Ron hasn't got a clue." "True." "I only want to know one thing, Bree. Whose idea was it?" "I suppose it was mine. I'm sure Ron had been thinking about it, but his head was all mixed up with helping Fi get better, and if I hadn't made him declare himself we still wouldn't be together." "So he hasn't pushed you?" "No. I don't think there was much pushing either way. It was more like something whose time had come. Near as I can tell, it isn't ever going to go away. "It's what I want, Dad. I didn't know that before, but it's what I want." "Well, it's not what I want, but that doesn't signify in this house I guess. That's not fair. I suppose you heard your mother explaining to me that since the two of you are in love we are going to support you and stand with you. Half the neighbourhood must have heard. I don't like what's going on between the two of you and I don't expect to learn to like it, but I will be civil and I will stand with you, both of you. I'm not ready to stop breathing yet. That's not it. I love you both so much and I don't want you to be hurt and I know there will be hurts to come." "Thank you, Dad, for a most grudging admission. If it makes you feel any better, I didn't want things to work out this way, really, but I can't say I'm sorry that they have." "Best of luck, little girl." Dad and I never talked, really talked, about anything after that for nearly three years. It was a high price to pay for what we had, but I couldn't go back. We were home that summer, all of us, working at different jobs to raise the money to go back to school. Ron and I had to make extra bucks since we wouldn't be able to live at home. Each of us had a second job. Between two jobs and upset parents, we didn't get a chance to make love a lot, or even kiss. Mom would have pretended it was all right. Ron thought she was okay with us, but she wasn't. I could tell. It was clear Dad was unhappy, but he did keep his word and didn't say anything. He was cold, though, more like cool, I suppose. You could tell there was still love there, somewhere down inside. Susan spent less time with us as the summer progressed. When I realized that we'd be leaving Susan it hit me that we were leaving all of our old friends. We'd be making new friends, I was sure, I hoped. I was paying a lot for loving my brother. I thought he was worth it. I thought he'd better be. When it came time for us to leave for university, Mom was all gushy, the way moms are, and gave me her email. She knew giving it to Ron was a waste of time. Dad was still cold. I think he figured we were going to different schools, or maybe that's the lie he told himself to maintain his sanity. We had to promise to be back for Christmas, even though it was probably a very bad idea. Mom and Dad didn't need to have us pushed into their faces. Fi and Josh were, of course, the white haired angels. They slept together either at our place or Josh's and all was sweetness and light for them. Of course, neither one of them was banging a sibling. Apparently that made a difference. It was one of those things that you couldn't do anything about, not without paying more than I, at least, was prepared to pay. I had to admit that if it had been my kids madly in lust, at least - love is so hard to evaluate from outside - I'd have been upset, too. Partly because it's just plain wrong, and partly because they're starting life with the odds stacked against them. As for me, it didn't feel wrong anymore. I was in love with Ron. It so happened that he was my big brother. That meant that there were obstacles to loving him. We could deal with them. I wanted Ron in my life more than I wanted to avoid the problems that created. A lot more. Ron didn't seem to worry about the problems we were going to face. I don't think he was overlooking them. I think he knew they were there, and he'd already worked his way around most of them. The ones he couldn't solve right off, like the way our parents felt, or at least Dad, he ignored. He'd solve them one day. At university, something more than five hundred miles away from home, we settled in as a married couple. I was seen as a little bit backwards and unliberated since I'd taken my husband's name and not too many women at university were still doing that. All right, having carnal relations with your brother was possibly a bit more progressive than most of them would be prepared to go, so maybe I was actually cutting edge, but I couldn't tell them that. It didn't matter. They didn't hold it against me. It let them get past the fact that I was actually a lot smarter than most of them, something that hadn't really registered with me before. It didn't matter. What matters is what you do with the brains God gave you. Falling in love with your brother wasn't at the top of the list of sensible things to do, so I made an effort to help out. It wasn't too long before it was decided that if you needed a helping hand among the married students you could always go to Bree. Ron was a good guy that way, too, and he was especially protective of the single mothers. We had a few. It became the done thing to wander up to our apartment if there was a problem. One or the other of us could usually sort it out. Once or twice Ron sorted it out kind of hard, but those were Gordian Knot problems. I thought beating the shit out of the bastard was the right answer, too, and I'm a pacifist about most things. We settled right into married life as if we'd always been married. I suppose it was true that we'd lived with each other for a long time already, all my life in my case. There was a comfort in sleeping with each other, just cuddling up at the end of the day, and in being able to make love whenever it struck us right, share a shower, curl up on the couch together, eat together, miss each other when we were apart. Christmas that first year was going to be a problem. Mom and I exchanged emails. There was no way her family was going to be wrecked over this business, however wrong it might have been. She usually passed on the news about Fi and Josh, and once in a rare while something about Dad. I used to tell her what Ron was doing. Fi and I wrote each other about once a week. She was just too happy for words, which was no hardship on me, since I was pretty much as happy. Now and again she'd tell me about Susan. I had Susan's email address but we didn't write. I couldn't really blame her, I suppose. As it turned out the man she'd really wanted had ended up with me. I wasn't sorry. Mom and Dad picked us up at the airport a couple of days before Christmas. Dad had thawed out enough to give me a hug. "Everything all right, little girl?" he whispered. "Right as rain, Dad, really good. Love you," I whispered back. "Love you, too." Ron offered to shake hands, and I could see Dad didn't want to, but he did anyway. Ron just gripped, telling Dad without words, the way men do, that he understood his feelings and appreciated that he could at least accept that we still loved him and needed him. A lot of meaning for one pull of the paw. Mom was sort of getting over the hurt, the part she did her best not to let us see. I guess Ron's hug was all it took to make her let go of the last of it. I could see the tears in her eyes. Mom was still just that touch cool to me, though, as if she blamed the situation on me, since we all know men only think with their peckers and it's left to the women to be sensible. I sometimes think that for most mothers their sons can do no wrong and their daughters can do no right. That's all right, since it's usually balanced by a father who knows his daughters are perfection, and the boy is a little thick. Our family was a little like that, though Mom didn't really believe we couldn't do anything right. She was pretty good about believing we were pretty good, even if not quite as perfect as we could be. Susan and her family would be over on Christmas Day. I was looking forward to seeing her. Fi had told me she wasn't out and about as much as she used to be, and Mom and Dad wondered whether they'd done anything to offend her. She had a new guy, and it must have been getting on for serious since she'd moved in with him. She'd never even come close to that with anyone else. In the morning we opened the gifts in our stockings, had breakfast, cleaned up and went in by the tree to open our presents, just as we'd done for the past twenty years, or so I was told as my memories of the first few were sort of blurry. Fi kept everybody on the hop, her special talent, I think, and Mom and Dad even forgot they were mad at us for a while. It went a lot better than I'd expected. We figured Susan would be over about noon and her parents closer to four. Mom told us her new boyfriend had been invited too, but had indicated he couldn't (or wouldn't) make it. You could tell Mom thought it was "wouldn't", and she seemed worried about Susan. I guessed Fi and I would worm out anything we needed to know, and Mom left us to it. It was about twelve thirty when Susan stormed through the door and fell into our arms. My arms, actually, since I was the one at the door, but we all got in a hug. She was shaking pretty bad. Fi noticed the shakes and I noticed the bruise. Susan told us what had happened. "David got upset when I was leaving without him. He hit me. I'm not going back." Dad caught the tail end of that and was shrugging on his coat as he turned around. "Ron, Josh, I'm going to get Susan's things. Coming?" Of course they were. Fi tossed Josh his coat and I put Ron's on him. "There better be blood on this coat when you come back," I whispered grimly. "And none of it better be yours." "You got it, sweetheart," he muttered. "I'll drive you and Bree over so you can point out what's yours," Fi told Susan. My cooperation was taken for granted. I felt pretty good about that. Mom came along, too. David hadn't left. Susan just stayed out of his way and the three of us picked up the few things she wanted to keep: a few pictures, a couple of decorations and figurines, and the portable vacuum cleaner. I was pleased to see one of the figurines she wanted to keep was one I'd given her for her last birthday. Dad gave David a long talking to, about the duties of men towards women, and why a man never, ever hit a woman, with demonstrations about what not to do. Josh gave him a short talking to, though it was pretty vigorous. There was something in it about cutting nuts off, which seemed sort of Christmassy. Ron just took David outside to show him a couple of things. There was blood on his jacket when he came back in. David didn't come back. "Satisfied, my bloodthirsty darling?" Ron asked. "For now." Susan got over her upset at the way David had treated her pretty fast. It helps to know you're not alone, and she had backup six deep that day. When her parents came over about four her dad wanted to go over and pound him again. Ron had to tell him that David was in no shape to be pounded again, but perhaps the two of them might have a visit once he got out of the hospital. Susan overheard them and perked up tremendously. I was pleased that Susan got out of it so well. When she explained the relationship to us, both Fi and I could see how she might have fallen into the trap, but it was a very creepy situation. It had taken a combination of her innate sense of self, stronger than she usually let on, and him crossing a line she would never allow to be crossed, plus a soft landing ground that happened to be our house but could have been her other home with the same effect, the same support, for her to get out. Ron and her dad took Susan down to lay charges once offices were open after Christmas, but by then David had been released from the hospital and was nowhere to be found. Susan told me he was finishing school in North Dakota though I have no idea how she found out. It was actually a really good Christmas for us all. Fi and I and Susan restarted our relationship and we enjoyed each other's company the way it had always been. Whatever uneasiness Susan felt around Ron was gone, now. She even helped me get the bloodstains out of his jacket. We joked about whether there should have been more. Ron and Josh and Dad got along pretty well, too. It had a lot to do with Dad just assuming that Ron would want to come along to defend Susan's honour, Josh, too, without slowing down to think that someone perverted enough to be sleeping with his sister probably wasn't planning to be too hard on someone depraved enough to hit another of his sisters. The fact that Ron pounded the piss out of him made Dad feel better, too. We weren't home for the next Christmas. I missed it, and I think Ron did, too. Mom and Dad certainly did. It was just one of those things, something you couldn't help. It wasn't to do with still being cold with each other. Dad couldn't help it, and it was liveable. Mom's determined cheerfulness was harder to bear, but she tried so hard I had to give her credit. I wouldn't have stayed away just for those things, especially given the progress we'd made. I'd read somewhere about a couple who wanted to have a family and started a baby in the fall so he, or she, would show up around graduation. That seemed tremendously romantic and loving, so I put it to Ron. "Sure, sweetheart. Want to start now?" Ron didn't mention that I wouldn't actually be graduating until the next year. I guess he appreciated the potential baby more than the timing. My Sister, Fiona Ch. 03: Brianna Since I was in the middle of getting dinner ready Ron settled for a few kisses and a feel, though if he'd pushed it any more supper would have burned. I suppose he thought he could feed the inner man - he really liked what I did to spaghetti sauce - and we could deal with conception later. After all, I was a sure thing. So was he, though I suppose he didn't look on it that way. Even so, he was always good at the romantic gesture. I figured that left seduction to me. Neither of us was too sure who got the better deal, even though we traded off from time to time. We were both still smitten, as hard as the first time we'd figured it out. That's what Dad had been looking for. I know he felt a lot better about us once he realized that what we had between us was real and lasting. Certainly I was over the moon when I determined sometime in October that I had caught. I told Ron first, of course, and we made love like crazed rabbits all night. We were going to be parents! It was a wonderful feeling, that we could expand the love we shared with each other to include a little one. "Boy or girl?" "Who cares? Too soon to know, of course. A little Bree or a little Ron! Wonderful!" I fired off a bunch of emails the next morning once Ron let go of me. It was later than usual and he was going to be late. He grinned and said he didn't care. I was more important any day. After that he nearly didn't make it out the door. Congratulations poured in from all over, Mom, for sure, Susan, my other friends, even one from Dad. Fi was ecstatic for me. "Little sister gets to be first, does she? Good for you." Life that fall was really good. Ron and I were in bliss; I started a slow weight gain and my breasts were starting to become more sensitive. Nothing really showed. We were looking forward to going home at Christmas, seeing everyone again, accepting their congratulations and best wishes and bonding again. Then I lost the baby. A simple miscarriage, the doctor told me. Happens a lot. No good reason. No long term consequences. I didn't take it well. I was convinced it was God's hand, punishing me for loving my brother. I stopped wanting children. Mom did a little surreptitious gene testing for us (Ron and I had refused the doctor's suggestion that we get it done just to ease our minds since he'd have found out things he didn't need to know) and decided the scan was clean. I hadn't lost the baby for that reason. "Bree," she told me, "women lose babies by miscarriage a lot. Most times we still don't know why. You don't have any of the common reasons, or even the uncommon reasons we know about. It's one of those things that women have to put up with." I decided I'd have a few words with God about that when the time came. A baby is a baby, and losing one for no reason can't be in accord with a divine plan. It was hard to put up with all the sympathy I received. Yeah, I should have taken it as evidence of the love all those people had for me, but each time I got a note or a card or an email, it just reminded me that I'd lost the baby. Our baby. It got so I wouldn't open the mail and I changed my email address. My pain at the loss was what finally got Mom all the way over the hump. She knew that I regretted not only the lost child but the part of Ron that went into the child, the making of the baby and the parts of both of us that would have resulted. She'd known we were in love. She picked that up the first day. Knowing that I was in pain, though, made her thrust all her misgivings aside to focus on the one truth that mattered: I needed her. She stayed with us for a month, and helped me get over the worst of it. Whatever misgivings she had never made it back out of wherever she put them. I guess Dad was sad for me, too, but it's harder for men to show what they feel. When he came to pick Mom up he just hugged me tight for a long time. You don't have to say it when the love is so obvious. He was still a little awkward around Ron, as if he didn't know quite how to get back to the old ways when surrounded by the evidence of the new ways. Before he left, though, he did hug Ron when he thought no one could see them. He knew Ron had lost as much as I had. I think I was pretty hard to live with for those few months after I lost the baby. Ron never said anything, but he tried to love me even more than he had. That's probably what eventually brought me around. You can't hate yourself when somebody else is so transparently in love with you. Another case where love made the difference. It's not that we didn't have sex. There was love pouring out of my man and sex was another way to express it. I may have been down, but I wasn't out. Sharing our bodies was like sharing our souls, something you did and enjoyed and gloried in. It was hard to stay depressed but I did, for a while. It wasn't until the summer that I agreed to try for a baby again. "Is it time, sweetheart?" Ron asked. "You, you horny bugger, think any time is the right time." "Isn't it?" "I suppose so," I laughed. "I can't tell you no." Ron wrapped me up in those oh-so-strong arms of his and held me. Nothing more. He just held me. We were lying down. I went to sleep on him, the best sleep I'd had in months. I woke up to Ron kissing me, gently, all over. When he saw that I was awake, he pulled me into his arms for one of those wonderful hugs of his. His kiss turned me on even more than he usually did. Maybe he poured something extra into it, looking forward to trying for a child, or maybe it was knowing that I was completely open to him that made me even hornier than usual. There was something more than desire involved, though. We always shared our love sexually as well as in other ways. Maybe there was just some extra love that morning. Whether it was extra love or extra lust or something else, Ron and I made fierce love, throwing passion at each other, determined to make this time the best time for each other, and enjoying ourselves, too. We had barely levelled out from magnificent orgasms when I went after him again. He usually needed more time to recharge, but that morning he was as ready for round two as I was. Our passion hadn't diminished but our love seemed to have gone up, so we were slower about it, enjoyed ourselves even more, and climaxed mightily a second time. My man's not superman, so we had to take time out for breakfast but I didn't let him have lunch. Not one with calories, anyway. And while we had to break for supper we did go to bed early. A lot of sleep to make up, well, more like a lot of sleeping with to make up. We never had stopped having sex while I was depressed, but we had slowed down. Ron had to have been put off by my lack of enthusiasm, at least a bit. He never gave up loving me. If he could put up with the way I was then, I knew he'd never give up on me, and that helped get me through it, too. Gave me a base. Anyway, we managed to work our way through a terrible hunger for each other's bodies and back down to our normally sex-obsessed state of mind. When the doctor confirmed for me that I was pregnant again, I came all the way out of my depression. Ron hadn't let me go back down as far as I wanted, to escape what had happened. Now, though, I was the custodian of a life. The miracle of birth still awaited me but somehow I knew that this time I'd carry the little one to term. I was buoyant again and Ron was happier than he'd been for ages. We were careful of the baby but we still made love a lot. There are ways, you know. It was in November, not too long before Fi's due date - she was going to have a boy, and I was so happy for her - that the doctor told me not to be too worried if I gained more than it seemed I should. I was eating everything in sight, of course, and had some very strange taste preferences. I'd never liked mushrooms before, for example. "Oh, and why is that?" "There's two of them in there." When I told Ron he just about burst, he was so proud. I was pretty happy, too. Looked like old Bree was performing above spec, he told me. One at a time was the norm, he said, but he wasn't at all surprised that I'd decided to outdo the norm. "You always have, Bree, darling. Everything you do makes me love you more." "Even getting depressed?" "It was the most beautiful depression ever." Well, it had actually been pretty awful, so if the man thought that was wonderful he had to be head over heels, not that I'd doubted that for even a moment ever since we got together. We hadn't passed on the word to anyone. I was still scared that I might lose the twins and go through that awful round of sympathy again. I knew everyone meant well, and there was comfort in knowing so many people felt for me, but it was so hard. Ron wouldn't let me go home for Christmas, and I was getting so big and awkward that I was just as happy not to be flying. "I'd have to take up two seats, Ron!" "But so beautifully, Bree, so wondrously beautiful, they ought to pay you to adorn their plane." Yes, he was over the top, but a woman likes to hear that sort of thing when she's getting big as a house and knows she'll only get bigger over the course of the next few months. I knew I wasn't attractive as those two took over what I'd always thought was my body. They were reshaping it to meet their requirements whatever I might want. I was pretty sure I didn't like the result. I never did find out what excuse he gave Mom, but I'll bet it didn't work. Then we got Susan's wedding invitation cum engagement announcement, and I told Ron we had to go. "It's family, Ron. Susan is our sister. She's finally met someone she can make a life with. She sounds so happy. We have to be there for her." "It's up to the little ones. Her wedding date is right around your due date. I'll get tickets, and you'd better let the kids know they have to come out if they want to go to the wedding." As it happened, I went into labour about two days before Susan's wedding. It was a pretty rough ride but after about twelve hours the girls decided to make an appearance. Number two shot out within a few minutes of number one. Twenty-four hours later the hospital was done with us, the girls had a clean bill of health, I was tired but ready and a few hours later Ron got us on the plane. We were going to make it for the wedding after all. We were last off the plane, of course, us and about ten ton of baby gear, and I hoped Susan would still be waiting. It turned out that we were the last in and the whole family was gathered around the foot of the stairs as we descended from the arrivals level to the baggage claim. I was hauling a bag and Ron was behind me with the girls. By the time we got down the stairs it was pretty easy to see that Susan was looking her gorgeous self, and as happy as she could be, just spilling over. A man I only knew vaguely stood beside her, holding her hand as if he was never letting go. Josh and Fi were there with their little one, Mum and Dad, Susan's parents and Josh's parents, and a couple of women who looked fondly at Susan's intended. It was quite a crowd, I realized. Ron had a baby carrier on the front with a gorgeous sleeping infant, tiny as they come. "Meet Fiona Brianna," I announced. "Age thirty-seven hours and ten minutes." Ron turned around. "Meet Jane-Anne Susan," I laughed. "Age thirty-seven hours and nineteen minutes." "Oh Bree, you shouldn't have come so soon." "I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world, Susan, not for anything except these two. This way they get to see their grandparents, too." Dad saw our beautiful newborns, a day and a half old, and just melted. He hugged me, patted Ron gingerly on the shoulder and spent the next half hour staring into the eyes of the two prettiest babies on the planet. He's never managed to get past the girls to get upset with us again. It was good to have him all the way back, too. Of course Susan had a lovely wedding. The fact that the bride and groom were so taken with each other that they hardly had words for the rest of us was scarcely surprising but it was beautiful to see. At the reception Susan announced that she was pregnant and was carrying twins. Jim fell over. I had two bundles keeping me from helping and Ron was laughing too hard to be useful, so Fi sent Josh in and we managed to preserve poor Susan's wedding night. As they left I congratulated Susan on her wedding and on her pregnancy. "Double the trouble and double the fun and quadruple the love," I told her. And that's the way it is.