10 comments/  38854 views/  52 favorites

Mike & Savy Ch. 01

By: JustAnotherMarylander



I was eight when my family got a new addition. 

When I came home from school one day in the spring, my mother was sitting on the sofa. Her face was red and there was a pile of tissues on the floor next to her. She asked me to sit down.

"Mike, I have something to tell you. You're going to have a little sister."

I remember being really shocked at this. You see, my parents had been fighting for as long as I could remember. They never fought in front of me, but I still knew. At the best of times, they were coldly indifferent to each other's existence. At the worst, I would sit in my room listening to them shouting in their room. It's like I was numb to the world, because home is where everything should be safe, happy, and comfortable. 

I couldn't complain about safety; my family's home was beautiful with a huge yard, woods to run and play around in, and I even had a great dog to play Frisbee with. Happy was another thing altogether, though. I couldn't really figure out why they were having a little girl when they didn't even seem to like each other very much. I knew what divorce was; many of my friends had divorced parents. Maybe this was my parents' way of trying to find something to share and stay together over.

"You're gonna have a baby, mom?"

"No, not exactly. But your father and I know a little girl and... " She sniffed, "... we love her very much, so she's going to come live with us."

"Do you mean... adopt? Jimmy's adopted, you know, from another country."

"Yes, that's about it. Are you excited to have a sister?"

"Well, I dunno. Maybe."

"It'll be okay."

A week later, I was out in the yard and my dad pulled into the driveway. He got out, waved at me, and went around to the back door. When he stepped away from the car, he had a little girl in his arms.

"Mike, come here. I want you to meet your sister, Savannah. She's four."

I ran over and tried to peek at her, but she buried her face in dad's neck.

Later that night, I guess she'd had a nap and was feeling better. She was sitting at the table and my dad was feeding her dinner. I had to admit, she was an adorable kid. I asked my dad where she was from. He said that she was from Virginia, close to our home in Maryland, but her family was from the Philippines.

Little Savannah looked up at me and smiled the widest smile I'd ever seen. I was eight, but my heart melted. Maybe we would have some happiness in the house.

Unfortunately, it wasn't to be. I tried to be a good kid. I did my chores. I got great grades. I took care of my sister as best I could. I called her Savy and we'd play in the yard. Sometimes, I'd bring out all of her stuffed animals and set 'em up like a parade. She was my sister and I'd do anything for that smile. Still, it wasn't enough.

I was ten when my parents divorced.

I think by that point, I was so resigned to it, that it barely affected me. My dad was almost always away from home anyway, because he was working. My mom did the best she could with the two of us. I don't think I saw them say more than four words a night to each other. No, the divorce wasn't a surprise and I didn't feel the need to lash out.

Still, what did surprise me is that after the divorce, my dad didn't just move out, he moved all the way to Oregon. Birthday cards and Christmas presents were all I ever got from him, even those tapering off over the years.

I think back and he just didn't have it in him to be the family man. He needed to throw himself into whatever he wanted to be doing at the time. Sometimes, that was work. Other times, it was flying all over the country to see a new city or some such. Either way, he didn't give much thought to family and after that, we didn't give much thought to him.

Mom, sis, and me... we'd be all right. We moved to a smaller house with a smaller yard, but that was okay, because it was still our home.

It's pretty easy for an older brother to dismiss a younger sister, especially when there's four years between them, but I didn't.

I adored Savy and I couldn't even fully explain why. She was just... incredibly special. There was some undefinable quality about her that allowed us to avoid the normal older brother versus younger sister annoyances. I didn't just spend time with her because I had to in order to help out mom, I spent time with her because she was my sister and I cared about her. I wanted everything to be right for her. I wanted her to always be smiling.

After I did my homework, I sat down with her and read books or tried to teach her something. She was unbelievably intelligent. We'd be sitting there and she'd have her face plastered to my old second grade math workbook, even though she was only in kindergarten. She seemed to be just as empathetic as she was intelligent, too. When I got pushed around at school by bigger kids, which happened more often than I'd like to admit thanks to my small stature, she'd come sit by me on the sofa and just cuddle up against me to make me feel better.

That's how it went for us. My mom was still as awesome as ever, providing for us, giving us a great home, and being there when we scraped our knees, had a bad day at school, or needed help with, well, anything. I have no idea how she managed it, keeping us in a comfortable home as a single parent, maintaining a steady career, and always managing to find time to spend with us every single day.

By the time I was in high school, I'll admit that my attentions had turned to other girls than just my mom and sister. I mean, hey... I was a teenage boy. Still, I was a bit gawky, so the attention paid back to me was a lot more limited than I'd have preferred. 

I'd started wrestling in middle school, so I could handle myself, but even as a junior in high school and with five years of wrestling, I was a small guy. I didn't break 5' until my senior year, when a small growth spurt got me up to 5'5" and even then, I only wrestled at 125 lbs. that year. I was, charitably, lanky. And no, wearing braces from 8th to 11th grades didn't help.

I did date a girl pretty seriously during my senior year. Jamie was a cute girl, blonde and all-American. She was a year behind me in school, but that didn't much matter. We went to prom together in the spring and were still going strong in the summer. By that time, I'd started a job working for a small computer repair shop. I'd take off early in the afternoon to pick up Jamie. We'd go to the pool sometimes, but most of the time, we'd go to her home and spend the afternoon in bed. I lost my virginity to Jamie and her to me. It was sweet, awkward puppy love. In short, it couldn't have lasted.

When fall rolled around, I was going to the University of Maryland to study astronomy and physics and Jamie was staying home for her senior year. We broke up. I regretted the way it happened, that as soon as I was in College Park, I didn't even try to make a long distance relationship work. Sometimes, that's just the way it is when you're young and away from home for the first time.

Meanwhile, Savy was blowing everyone away at school. Not only was she a straight-A student, but she'd skipped 4th grade and was a talented violinist. She had started school a year later than normal because of the adoption, so skipping a grade brought her in line with the other students her age.

She grew up a lot like I did: small, skinny, gawky. Not only did she have the braces, but glasses, too. They always seemed a bit too big for her petite face. Still, as awkward as she was, she had that smile that must've been a mile wide. When I came home for Thanksgiving my freshman year, not really feeling like I fit in at my dorm, she opened the door and smiled. That was all I needed to feel like all of my troubles had been fixed and were far behind me.

After I went to Maryland, I didn't get to see Savy and mom as much as I'd have liked. I was only a few hours away from home in Salisbury, but when you're in college, leaving campus just doesn't cross your mind much. 

Savy and I would instant message almost every day, though. I'd ask her and she'd talk about some concert she'd given or class she'd aced, then she would ask me about college. She was incredibly insistent asking about the minutiae of classes and the details of what college life was like. It just seemed like she was already ready to leave high school and get to college.

I'll admit, it was kicking my ass a bit. High school was a breeze, but I'd never had to apply myself like this. The A's and B's of high school had turned into mostly C's in college. I felt like I was letting her down, even more than I felt like I was letting down mom. Mom had this way of always supporting me, even when I could tell she wanted more, but the thought of not living up to Savy's expectations was troubling.

By my sophomore year, I was doing better. My grades were up and I lived in a different dorm, for international students, so there was always lots of interesting stuff was always going on. 

Savy was still my best friend, though. She was starting to think about what she wanted to study in college and, like me, she wanted nothing more than to work at NASA. She was more focused on biology, which I was perfectly fine with. The thought of the two of us possibly getting jobs at Goddard, which is just a few miles from the University of Maryland campus, was incredible.

Relationships? Yeah, I had some.

My freshman year, in the spring, I dated an older girl. She was a senior and I think more than anything, I just made her feel better about herself. She could call me up at 1am and I'd trudge across campus to her dorm to help her study. The sad thing was, I didn't even get anything, physically or emotionally.

My junior year, I dated a girl in one of those relationships that feels really serious when you're on campus, but as soon as you're off campus for a holiday or what not, it feels like it's not really a relationship. 

My senior year, I flew solo. I had enough stress to think about with graduating, starting my master's degree, and finding a job to support myself.

I did actually have my first (and only) one night stand my senior year. I wasn't really the type of guy for that, but it just kind of happened. A friend had invited me to a party on campus during spring break. 

By that time, I'd filled out my frame and thanks to a growth spurt my freshman year, I stood a respectable 5'11" and 160 lbs. I wasn't really muscular, but the years of wrestling had kept me lean. I'd finally grown out my wrestling buzz cut into an unruly mop of sandy brown hair that was getting more popular at that time. Personally, I've always thought I was relatively average looking, but more than a few girls who were friends commented on my eyes, which had an outer ring of blue that transitioned to green and then gold near my pupil.

At the party, I was actually planning on leaving when the main group in the living room broke out a bong. I didn't object, per se, it just wasn't really my thing. I ended up sitting on the stairs drinking a beer before leaving when a girl came and sat next to me. We talked for awhile and found each other pleasant enough that she invited me up to her room and I went with her.

A few days after graduation, I'd packed everything I owned in the back seat of my old Toyota and headed across the Bay to look forward to a month off before heading back to Maryland. I'd landed a summer internship at Goddard, but I had to recharge. Maybe I'd make a good enough impression to get offered a full-time position on the program I most wanted to be on, the James Webb Space Telescope.

I pulled into mom's driveway a bit after 11pm. The house was dark, but the flickering of light in the living room told me that someone was watching TV, or more likely, sleeping in front of the TV. I opened the door and dragged a few bags inside, before heading to the living room to see who was up. Curled up on the sofa, I saw a pile of long, dark hair sticking out from under a throw blanket. I plopped down next to her and smacked her on the leg.

She bolted upright. I was shocked, that wasn't my sister! She must've had a friend staying over who didn't want to use my room.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I thought you were..."

"Mike!"

"Savy?"

I reached over and flicked on the light on the end table.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Sitting before me was my 18 year old sister and I didn't even recognize her. The glasses, braces, and baggy tom-boy clothes that she'd had as recently as when I'd been home for Christmas were gone.

She was gorgeous.

Before I could even have another thought, she threw herself against me in a giant bear hug.

"I missed you, Mike."

"I... I... I missed you, too."

After what felt like an hour of that hug, I pulled back to take a look at her. Her long dark hair, which wasn't jet black like a pair of Chinese sisters that had lived in my dorm, but very dark brown, was tussled, in that "I just woke up next to a sexy girl" kind of way, and hung down her shoulders and nearly to her waist.

As my eyes drifted back up from seeing how long her hair had gotten, I couldn't help but notice her incredibly petite waist and flat stomach peeking out from under her tank top. Up a little further and... oh my god, my sister had developed since last I'd seen her. She wasn't huge by any means, but there was a very nice amount of cleavage visible at the top of her tank and... she was definitely not wearing a bra. I had no idea how she could be that perfectly proportioned and with everything perfectly shaped and placed.

Maybe it had only been a split second, but it felt like an eternity before I'd gotten my eyes back up... and there she was. Savy sitting there with that grin on her face, creeping wider and wider into her famous smile. My eyes were well-adjusted to the relatively dim light now and she was stunningly gorgeous. Her dark brown eyes, with flecks of gold reflecting back. Her beautiful, full lips. Her slightly flat nose and the small bridge between her eyes. The curve of her chin.

Snap out of it Mike! What the hell man? That's your sister!

"So, big brother, how's it feel to be a college graduate? You know I'd have come for your graduation ceremony, if you'd asked."

"Oh, um... I really didn't want to go through all that. Sitting out in the sun for hours while people drone on about possibilities and what not. Who needs that?"

"You always were the realist."

"And what about you? Diploma in hand, heading off to Maryland. Are you excited?"

"Well, yeah, but I'm more excited that you're back."

She continued smiling at me the entire time and there were brief moments when I even forgot that she was my sister.

We talked until probably four in the morning. Savy asking question after question about what the campus is like, what I'd done that last semester, and what I'd be doing at my internship. It was all I could do to try and answer her and keep my eyes up where they belonged. 

Once I finally got her to slow down a bit with the interrogation, I was able to get in a few questions of my own and just sit back and marvel at her as she told me about being valedictorian, and playing The Beatles' "In My Life" at graduation, which I was furious at myself for missing it, even if it was in the middle of my finals. Mostly, she talked about her plans for college. Savy had always been more focused on the future, while I had been somewhat absorbed in my past.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I crashed and I crashed hard. The next morning, I felt mom waking me up and giving me a kiss on the forehead.

"It's good to have you home, Mike."

"Hey mom, I'm glad to be back. What time is it?"

"Oh, about ten. You two looked comfortable and I figured you'd been up all night talking, so I just let you sleep."

Then I noticed Savy curled up next to me, starting to stir awake.

"Coffee and breakfast?"

"Thanks, mom."

The rest of that day was spent getting my things unpacked and filling in mom on everything Savy had asked me about the night before. It really was good to be back. Don't get me wrong, I loved being on campus at Maryland, but I'm a country boy at heart and the Eastern Shore is in my blood. No matter where I ended up in the world, my home would always be on the Eastern Shore.

The next five weeks flew by. Mom tried to stuff me as much as possible, insisting I was too thin. I did my best to fix up the house, fixing a broken fence post, patching a few shingles, and other general maintenance on the house that I knew was difficult for mom to do on her own. 

I don't think Savy and I spent more than a few hours apart the entire time. Whether we were weeding mom's gardens, which she never had quite enough time to work on, thanks to how hard she worked at her job to put us through school, scholarships aside, or heading over to the stadium to see the Shorebirds, we couldn't spend enough time together.

I'm not going to say I minded having this gorgeous girl with me for a month, but it was more than that. We talked... about everything. Sometimes we'd talk about what programs she was interested in at Maryland, sometimes about the Baltimore Orioles, sometimes about nothing at all. I tried asking her if she'd had a boyfriend that she hadn't told me about, but she just blushed adorably and said she hadn't dated anyone. She told me she'd gone to prom with her two best friends, just the girls.

Before I knew it, I had to pack up my car again and be back across the Bay. As I was putting my last bag in the trunk, Savy shuffled up next to me and melted into my arms to hug me. I held her tight for as long as I felt was appropriate, even though I would have happily held her for longer, and then looked down at her face. The front of my shirt was wet from her tears.

"Oh Savy, you know I'm gonna miss you, right?"

She sniffed and wiped her nose. I did my best to reassure her, even though I was going to be missing her terribly, too.

"And I'll be online every night to IM with you."

"I know."

"I couldn't have asked for a better trip home."

She pulled me down a little bit so that on her toes, she was a very petite 5' even, she could reach up and kiss me on the cheek before turning away and scurrying inside. I don't think I'd ever felt so awful pulling out of the driveway.

There's not many times in your life that you know right as they're happening that you'll look back on your deathbed and think, "Yeah... I wanna go back there." Those five weeks were one of those times. Spending all that time with her, learning who we were with how much we'd changed, was incredible. I'd like to pretend to be the tough guy, but as I drove onto the Bay Bridge, my eyes were watering and I had to clench my jaw to hold back my own tears.

A few days later, I was somewhat settled into my apartment in Greenbelt and ready to start my internship at Goddard. The first thing I did was have another intern take a picture of me next to the sign out front, under the NASA flag, and send it to Savy with the note, "Hope you're here soon."

Oddly, over the next few weeks, she was pretty quiet. I'd IM her and ask how things were going, but only got short, one sentence or even just a few word answers back. I worried about her.

It wasn't long before it was time for her to start her first semester at Maryland. Ahead of time, I drove to her dorm, the international dorm that I'd lived in for two years, and was standing there, grinning with excitement like a damn fool, when she and mom drove up.

Before I knew what hit me, Savy had jumped out, tackled me, and was sitting on my stomach.

"HI!"

I laughed out loud and said, "Hey there!"

I could hear mom chuckling in the background, but all I could see was Savy's smile in front of my eyes, framed by the bright blue sky. I could barely breathe, but it wasn't from her sitting on me.


Mike & Savy Ch. 01



I managed to scramble to my feet and give her a proper hug, then I started lugging her stuff up to the third floor. As Savy started unpacking, mom pulled me out of her room.

"Mike, keep an eye on her. You know that she's always been focused on school, violin, her girlfriends. She doesn't know what these college guys are like and they're not all as sweet as you."

"You know I will mom. Any guy that wants a shot at her has to get my approval first and I'm very difficult to please."

I didn't think any guy could possibly deserve my sister.

Hugs went all around and then mom was headed back home. Yeah, she was crying when she left. Now both of her babies were away from home. I really hoped that maybe she'd start getting out more and away from work, maybe even dating wouldn't be weird for her with an empty house.

Meanwhile, I headed back up with Savy to her room.

"Is there anything else you need? I'm gonna head back to my place so you can get to know your roommate."

"You are? I don't think so. I only got a month with you this summer. We're hanging out tonight. Besides, I haven't seen your apartment."

"It's your first night away from home. You don't want to hang out here and meet new people?"

"I've had the same best friends since elementary school and you've always known I like things I already know. Let's get takeout, a movie, and just take it easy tonight. There will be plenty of time to meet people here."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Whatever makes you happy."

That thought rolled over in my head, somewhat unnaturally, as I really did want to do anything I could to make her happy.

We locked up her room, since her roommate hadn't shown up yet, and hopped in my car. A few minutes later, we got to my place. It wasn't anything special, just a single bedroom with a small living room, kitchen, and bathroom. It was about halfway between Goddard and Maryland though, which was perfect for doing evening master's classes. 

My internship had gone well and I'd gotten an entry level position with an engineering contractor at Goddard. It was grunt work, not true research and science, but it would pay the bills and more importantly, came with a NASA badge.

As I opened the door, Savy whistled, somewhat sarcastically.

"Nice place, bro."

One lonely loveseat sat in the living room in front of a rather paltry 27" TV.

"Hey, no dissing the digs unless you're paying the bills!"

"Hahaha, okay. Got it, got it. So, any good places deliver here?"

"There's a pretty decent Thai place not too far from here, but they don't deliver. Want me to pick up something? You can dig through my DVDs and pick out a movie."

"A'ight. Grab me some red curry. Chicken."

"Okay, I'll be back in a few."

I headed back out and slid into my car. As I pulled onto the road, I kept thinking it was weird that Savy would want to watch a movie with her brother instead of meeting all the new people in her dorm. I don't know. She'd always been introverted, in spite of her academic and music successes. I'd have to talk to her about it and try to tell her that college is where you're supposed to meet people, maybe even some life-long friends.

I grabbed dinner and made a quick stop at the corner store to grab some drinks, then drove back to my apartment. When I opened the door, Savy had moved the loveseat and TV to different places and dragged a table out of my bedroom to use as a coffee table. I briefly facepalmed, remembering how much of a mess my bedroom was.

"Making yourself at home already?"

"Sometimes you boys need a woman's touch in your life."

As she carried a lamp from my bedroom out to set next to the loveseat, I asked, "How much are you planning on touching?"

I immediately turned bright red, realizing the double entendre of what I'd said. I hoped she'd missed it.

"Oh, we'll see. You certainly do need a lot of things done in here."

"Well, be that as it may, here's dinner. What're we watching?"

"Braveheart."

"Ha! I knew you'd pick that one."

I grabbed some dishes and laid out our dinner on my "new" coffee table, then poured us some Italian soda. As Savy began to dig in, I popped the disc into the DVD player and turned on the TV. The movie started up and I plopped down next to Savy on the loveseat. We didn't say much while we ate, I just checked to see if she liked the food and was comfortable. She did and she was.

We finished eating and I grabbed the dishes and dumped them in the kitchen, before settling back onto the loveseat. It wasn't long before Savy shifted, previously leaning on the arm of the loveseat, to leaning up against me. I don't know why, but it just felt natural in a completely different way than how she'd cuddled up against me as children, and I put my arm around her.

"I missed you, Mike."

"I missed you too, Savy."

I never even saw the end of the movie. I guess with the move and all, I was beat. I woke up the next morning and she was curled up next to me. We'd shifted during the night and my feet were hanging over the arm while my head rested on the other arm, but she was cuddled right up into me, like a little spoon. Of greater concern was that I had an all too common issue that many men have in the morning and if she woke up, it would be obvious with how tightly she was cuddled up against me.

Recognizing the inherent problem with this situation, I did my best to get my right arm up onto the arm of the loveseat and, using my legs, started lifting my body up the back of the seat. I made it all the way up to the top, before realizing how screwed I'd made myself. With my arms and legs busy lifting me, I had nothing to catch me and over the back I went. The thud and grunt must have woken up Savy and by the time I turned my head up towards the loveseat, she was leaned over the back and laughing at me.

That smile. She was spectacular.

"What exactly were you trying to accomplish there, Mike?"

"Uh... freeeeedoommmmmm!" as I mimicked Mel Gibson.

Again with her smile and laugh.

Not long after, I had gotten things situated in my apartment and was driving her back to her dorm. I pulled up in front and turned to give her a hug, somewhat surprisingly thrilled to have her back so close. 

Savy faced me and said, very sweetly, "Mike, I'm glad we're here... together."

She smiled gently at me and leaned closer, I thought for a hug.

She pressed her lips to mine and kissed me.

End of Chapter 1.



Mike & Savy Ch. 02



Note to Readers: This is the second chapter of a series and is presented from Savy's point of view. Future chapters will continue alternating between Mike's (odd) and Savy's (even) points of view. The chapters will cover the same time periods and will often cover the same events. 

I believe that there is value in presenting both perspectives, with associated feelings and emotions. However, it is very much up to you whether to read all chapters. You may choose to read only Mike's or only Savy's chapters and still understand much of the story.

*

I don't remember much about my family. My birth family, I mean, as I was only four when I was adopted. I wish I had even a few memories of them, but I was just too young. There are times when I can close my eyes and maybe, just maybe, dredge up an image in my mind, but I can never really tell if it's true or simply wishful thinking.

What I do remember, quite clearly, is the house that I moved to when I was four. It was beautiful, like one of those southern-style homes you see on television, complete with the perfect wrap-around porch, a beautiful yard, and plenty of woodlands around. That was a special place for me.

Unfortunately, my new parents' relationship wasn't as idyllic as our house. Mom and dad never really fought, not in front of my brother and I, anyway. They also never really spoke or even acknowledged each other. My dad came home late from work virtually every night and by the time he did get home, my mom had taken care of us and sent us off to bed. On weekends, my dad would either go into the office or putter around the garage. I really don't remember them talking openly.

Still, that was almost better than the other times, when they would go to their bedroom and close the door. I don't think children often understand the issues between their parents, but kids aren't immune to the atmosphere, either. When my parents were in there, their voices sometimes rising loud enough to be heard, the house was filled with an almost chilly atmosphere. It was at times like that when my brother gave me the stability that I think every kid craves.

Mike would take me outside and we'd play in the yard. He didn't seem to care what exactly we did. If I wanted to hide behind trees or throw a ball, he was happy. If I wanted to do girly things and play with stuffed animals or pretend to be a princess, he was just as happy. 

I think back and he was remarkably resilient for a young boy going through a broken home. Mom absolutely did her best, but a lot of nights, Mike was the one to curl up on the beanbag in my room and read to me, before whispering "Goodnight, Savy."

I was six when my parents divorced.

Mom, Mike and I moved to a smaller house, staying on the Eastern Shore in Salisbury. It was still a very nice place, but as my third home in two years, it wasn't easy on me.

Things did get better, though. My mom was incredible. I know she worked hard to provide for us and while weren't rich by any means, Mike and I never had to worry about food on the table or clean clothes for school. That's a lot more than many kids in our situation could say, especially since we never saw dad and had no contact other than a card every once in awhile.

More than anything, I wanted to make both my mom and my brother proud. Nothing made me happier than bringing home a test or assignment with a bright red 'A' on the front and one or both of them beaming back at me and hugging me. I can't thank them enough for that, because it helped me become driven at school. 

I eventually picked up the violin too, after seeing a concert on TV and thinking how beautiful the lead violinist was in her gown, with the entire crowd watching her in complete adulation. By the time I was in 5th grade, I was regularly performing solos at school performances, which of course made mom and Mike so happy. I actually even skipped 4th grade, though because I'd started school a year later than most kids due to my adoption, it just put me at about where I should have been for my age.

Even when things weren't great, we figured out how to get through them. Both Mike and I were small for our ages, though I know it was even rougher on him, because boys can be so cruel to anyone that doesn't fit their expectations and the smallest are the target of their immature ire. Even after he picked up wrestling in middle school, he was bullied quite a bit by the larger football and basketball players. When that happened, I always tried to be at the door when he got home from school, with a smile on my face. 

He told me he could never be in a bad mood if I was smiling for him.

I had to deal with my own bouts of being bullied, as there weren't many kids at my school that looked like me. Being so short and skinny, wearing glasses too, made me an easy target. Fortunately, I had two friends that I'd gone to school with for as long as I could remember, Mandy and Aly, as well as Mike to make sure I always had a friendly face and comforting hug nearby.

When Mike got later into high school, I knew he was so busy trying to get into competitive programs at Maryland. Combined with wrestling and hanging out with his high school friends, I saw him a lot less than I used to or would have preferred. He always made time for me on Sundays, though, making sure we watched a baseball game together, either on TV or going to the park to see the Shorebirds play, or just had a nice picnic out in the yard. 

How many girls can say that they had an older brother who would make that effort for them? Even then, I knew how lucky I was to have Mike in my life.

When Mike was a senior, he had his first somewhat serious girlfriend. She was cute and always friendly towards me, so even though it meant that I didn't have him to spend time with on Friday or Saturday night, I understood why.

I wish I could have spent more time with Mike during the summer before he went to college. Between work, his girlfriend, and all that goes with preparing for college, he just didn't have the time. The day he left for school, mom asked if I wanted to go with her to drop him off, but I said no. I gave Mike a hug at the car and wished him luck, but then went back inside. I was still crying in my room when my mom got home hours later. My best friend wasn't at home anymore.

Mike made sure he didn't forget me, though. Every night when I got home from school and whatever practice or extracurricular activity I had, there was an instant message waiting for me from him. He'd ask me about school and violin, what I was doing with my friends, if any boys had noticed me. There he was, at college and surrounded by all kinds of new people and experiences, but every night, he always found the time to send me at least one message, telling me he missed me and was proud of me.

High school was both easy and hard for me. On the one hand, I had absolutely no problems handling the work and my grades were always at the top of my class. On the other hand, outside of Mandy and Aly, I really didn't make any other friends. 

I've always been a bit nervous around new people. I like comfortable things, things that I know. Boys weren't interested in me at all, even though there were a few that I certainly crushed on, and the girls, especially the popular ones, weren't any better. It always seemed like a new person noticing me was invariably followed by taunts and insults. It didn't help that even in high school, I was the same short, skinny, ungainly girl... and suddenly I had braces, too. Even then, Mike would come home for a holiday or school break and he'd always tell me I had a smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts. When he said that, I couldn't help grinning from ear to ear at him.

I know it's somewhat common now, but I'll admit that I was embarrassed that I went to my senior prom with Mandy and Aly. I mean, it's your prom. You're supposed to have your first kiss, or more likely for a lot of girls lose their virginity, with some cute boy who means the world to you at the time, but you'll probably forget in a few years. 

I kind of understand why I didn't have a date. I was still on the short side, but I'd gotten my braces off and had started wearing contacts, plus I wasn't quite as gawky as before. Mom had said that with my shimmering red dress and long dark hair, I was gorgeous and even looked like a true Terp. She's also my mom and has to say that. The three of us did have a great time, but it's just not the same when the slow songs come on and you and your friends sit chatting awkwardly around a table, sad little punch cups in hand.

A month after prom, I graduated. I was my school's valedictorian, thanks to a perfect record through even my advanced placement classes. More importantly, I'd been accepted to the University of Maryland to study biology! Mike had graduated, but because he'd be doing his master's degree there and working at the nearby NASA campus in Greenbelt, we'd be living close to each other again. I couldn't wait. 

Sometimes you don't even know how much you really want something and then when it's right there and you know it's going to happen, there's a weight that comes off of your shoulders. It can sneak up on you and absolutely shock you when it happens.

Two weeks after graduation, Mike finally texted me to tell me that he'd be home the next night. I was almost irrationally giddy and I barely slept the night before, because I hadn't seen him in six months. The day he was due home, I helped mom clean up the house and made sure his room was in good comfortable shape for him.

At about 6pm, I settled onto the sofa and waited for Mike. Unfortunately, after not having slept much the night before and then bustling around the house all day, I was wiped. I don't know when I fell asleep.

The next thing I knew, I felt a hand swat me on my thigh. I popped my head out from under the blanket I'd curled up under and it was Mike!

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I thought you were..."

Does he not even recognize me?

"Mike!"

"Savy?"

Mike leaned over and turned on the lamp and looked back at me. I immediately launched myself against him and wrapped my arms around him.

"I missed you, Mike."

He stammered a bit, maybe I was squeezing too tightly, "I... I... I missed you, too."

I hugged him for as long as I could, until I felt him sit back a little. Mike's eyes drifted down and it looked like he was shocked at just how long my hair had gotten. It had been pretty long for as long as I could remember, but now it was almost to my waist.

I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow; Mike was taking his time getting his eyes back up to meet mine. I knew that I'd filled out quite a bit the last six months. Some girls hit their growth spurt a little later and mine just happened to be in the spring of my senior year. I was wearing a comfortable pair of loose yoga pants and a relatively short tank top, so I knew he could see just how I'd developed. I'd added a few inches, though still only stood barely 5', and weight to the appropriate places on my previously lanky frame. It may have been weird, but it felt nice as I wasn't used to having guys let their eyes wander on me.

By the time he did get around to lifting his eyes back up to mine, I couldn't help having the biggest smile ever.

I don't know how long we talked for, but the next morning I woke up on the sofa, next to Mike, with my arm wrapped inside of his and my head resting on his shoulder. Mom was offering coffee and breakfast, which after a night sleeping sitting upright on the sofa, he looked like he needed.

I tried to find stuff to keep me busy that day. I knew that mom needed time with her boy too. It wasn't easy, though. 

Mike looked good. He was so much taller than me and had kept his lean wrestling form. He'd also let his hair grow quite a bit and it was very cute in its unruliness. Of course, he had the same gorgeous eyes, which melted from blue to green and had gold flecks that sparkled.

After mom had her chance to catch up, he was mine. Over the next few days, we set about doing some of the heavier chores around the house that mom and I couldn't do by ourselves. I was more handing Mike tools and generally assisting him than doing any heavy lifting, but I don't think either of us minded. It was a lot like summers before he went to college.

The best were the days when we had nothing to do. We would often go to games at the minor league stadium or drive over to Ocean City to walk on the boardwalk. One day, I woke up and Mike wasn't inside. I walked out on the back deck and immediately brought my hands to my mouth to try and cover my giggle and smile. Mike had pulled all of my old stuffed animals out of the attic and lined them up in their old parade formation in the yard.

Mike grinned at me and said, "I told you we'd always be okay, right?"

I ran to him and bear hugged him. We spent the afternoon outside. He grilled and we talked and enjoyed the weather and being together. I left my toys lined up like that the entire day and every time I glanced at them, I almost cried from smiling. I don't think he even knew just how much it meant to me. He just did it because it would make me smile and didn't even give it a second thought.

I think that there are often difficult times in your life when you feel like you can't make it and absolutely nothing is going right. If you have just one moment to hold onto, it's all survivable, though. Every moment I've had since that day, when everything was wrong, I would close my eyes and see the yard and my toys in their little parade, then look up and see Mike smiling at me. I knew I'd always be okay because of him.

Five weeks wasn't nearly long enough for me. No matter how much we talked, there was always more to say, more to learn about the experiences that he had had. It simply wasn't enough time; we needed more time.

The day Mike packed his car, I was a wreck. I couldn't sleep the night before and being unable to sleep from sadness is so much worse than being so excited that you can't sleep. I just laid in bed crying, not even really knowing why. I knew I'd miss him, but it just felt so much stronger than that, different even.

I couldn't really talk to either Mike or mom all day. I knew that if I did, I'd end up crying and I didn't want either of them to see that. It didn't seem rational. When Mike was just about ready to leave, I went out to say goodbye. 

Mike turned to me and I almost collapsed into his arms. When he held me tight, it felt so comfortable and right. To this day, I don't even know how to describe that feeling. It was just right... and beyond anything that it should have been. Finally, we let go and he looked down to see that I was crying.

"Oh Savy, you know I'm gonna miss you, right?"

I choked as I tried to respond.

"And I'll be online every night to IM with you."

"I know."

"I couldn't have asked for a better trip home."

I looked up at him, into those gorgeous eyes, the gold shining in the sun. I reached up and pulled down on his shoulder, so that I could reach, and kissed him on the cheek. 

I didn't look at him again before I ran inside and threw myself onto my bed. I tried to will myself to not sob uncontrollably, but I wasn't very successful. After those weeks we'd spent together, I just wanted one more day. But I knew that after that day, I'd still want one more, then one more, then one more...

The rest of the summer was, I think, the slowest time of my life. I should have been excited, since I was about to start college with my dream major. I was going to be moving so close to Mike too and it was just a short time away! 

It just felt like forever...

True to his word, Mike messaged me every night. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him and I couldn't even figure out why. What if he was so busy with his internship and master's that, even after I moved there, I never got to see him? The fear was eating me alive. I think I packed, unpacked, and repacked everything I was taking with me to college about two dozen times.

Finally... finally the day had come.

I knew I was going to miss mom and she would be alone in the house. She hadn't dated since dad left all those years ago. She just worked and took care of us, the best she could. She did a damn good job, too. 

Maybe other kids had two parents and the perfect "Leave It To Beaver" life, but we had mom and she was ten times the parent of anyone else. I promised her that I'd be back every holiday and she could come and visit both of us. Maybe we could tour DC a little bit, see museums and monuments with her.

I got one heck of a workout loading my stuff into mom's car, I was moving so fast. I'm kind of surprised I could even lift some of those bags as big as they were, but I guess I was on a mission. Before long, I was looking over my shoulder as the Bay Bridge receded from sight. I'd miss the Eastern Shore; it was my home and a very important part of me.

We got off the Beltway and made our way to campus. As mom pulled up in front of my new dorm, I saw Mike standing there. He looked so relaxed, with his hair blowing in his eyes and a huge smile on his face. I don't think mom had even come to a stop before I was out the door. I plowed into Mike and knocked him down before sitting on him.

"Hi!" I practically squealed.

He just stared at me for a second and finally kind of whispered, "Hey there!"

Mike got to his feet, dragging me up into his arms and holding me to him. Just as before, everything was just... right. After a minute, we broke and he started grabbing all of my bags to take up. He wouldn't let mom or I carry a thing.

I was pulling some basics out of my bags to put on my desk and shelves when I saw mom pull Mike into the hallway. I couldn't help but eavesdrop.

"Mike, keep an eye on her. You know that she's always been focused on school, violin, her girlfriends. She doesn't know what these college guys are like and they're not all as sweet as you."

"You know I will mom. Any guy that wants a shot at her has to get my approval first and I'm very difficult to please."

I smiled to myself. I liked the idea of him looking out for me, taking care of me.

Mike and mom came back inside and we both hugged her. She told us how proud of us she was and how much she already missed us. We walked her down to her car and then she was heading home. 

Thanks for everything you did for me, for us, mom.

When we got back up to my room, Mike asked, "Is there anything else you need? I'm gonna head back to my place so you can get to know your roommate."

I hadn't even thought about my roommate, who hadn't showed up yet. We had emailed a little bit over the summer, but we weren't exactly friends yet. She seemed like she'd be in the dorm for one year, then join a sorority. She had a boyfriend from high school who was also going to Maryland, but she was already talking about finding a big hunky frat guy for each of us, not that I wanted one.

"You are? I don't think so. I only got a month with you this summer. We're hanging out tonight. Besides, I haven't seen your apartment," I replied.

"Hey, it's your first night away from home. You don't want to hang out here and meet new people?"

"I've had the same best friends since elementary school and you've always known I like things I already know. Let's get takeout, a movie, and just take it easy tonight."

Mike looked me straight in the eyes and shrugged his shoulders, but then his voice was unexpectedly cheerful.

"Whatever makes you happy."

After we locked up my room, we got into Mike's car and drove over to his apartment, which was only about 10 minutes from campus. It might even be walkable, though the area around Maryland wasn't the greatest neighborhood.

When we got to his place, he opened the door, and I had to stifle a chuckle. 




Mike & Savy Ch. 03



Her lips were so soft.

I was completely and utterly stunned. I have no idea how long she kissed me for. Time simultaneously stopped, sped up, and ceased to have all meaning.

When she leaned away from me, she brought her hand up and gently brushed my face.

"Savy..."

"I'll see you soon," was all she said.

Then she turned and was out the car, heading back to her dorm. She seemed to be floating. I watched every movement. Her long hair, gently flowing behind her. The curve of her hips swishing back and forth. He slender arms swinging at her side and her graceful fingers gently curling and uncurling.

I don't know how long I sat there for, but I finally got my car into gear and pulled away from her dorm.

At some point, I made it back to my apartment and went inside. I sat down in my living room and stared at the wall.

Savy had kissed me. It wasn't erotic, by any means, and we hadn't made out, but it was the most incredible thing I had ever felt. My beautiful, adorable, fun, intelligent, spectacular Savy. My little sister, even if she was adopted.

I closed my eyes and I could see us there, back in the car. I turned to face her and her beautiful, dark eyes were staring straight at me. Time moved in slow motion. Her full lips, slightly moist, moved closer to me. Suddenly, contact. She pressed into me gently.

And then she was gone.

That moment that she broke away from me, it was as if I was completely empty without her touching me. But she was still there, her eyes flickering back and forth, searching my face, with the slightest of smiles on her lips. Her hand touched my cheek with the soft caress of her fingertips and it was pure electricity.

I opened my eyes and was back in my apartment, alone. It was a single kiss and I was already so empty without it.

I slowly got to my feet and went into the bathroom to start the shower. After it warmed up, I stripped and hopped in, hoping it would clear my mind. I had to get to work soon. It didn't.

By the time I pulled into the parking lot of my building at Goddard, I was still in a daze. I got to my cubicle, managing to avoid seeing anyone I knew, and slid into my chair. A few minutes later, I still hadn't logged in. Amy, my civil servant, poked her head into my cube.

"Hey Mike, how's it going?"

"Huh?"

"Ha, you look out of it. Late night drinking?"

"Oh, um... no, not at all. I'm just... tired I guess."

"Well, if you can grab a cup of coffee and wake up, I need you to check this report for me."

"Yeah, sure thing."

I drifted through the rest of the day, relying on my instinct and training to get me through my work. I had no bandwidth available in my brain to focus on the task at hand. I checked my email and text messages constantly, to see if anything was there from Savy. I wasn't sure if I should email her or not. I didn't think so. We needed to talk, but in person, and after I figured out what I was going to say.

By the end of the day, I was mentally exhausted. I stopped at a sushi place near work and grabbed some to take home. When I got home, I started nibbling on dinner and went into my bedroom to turn on my computer. A few minutes after it booted up and logged on, the instant messaging window popped up. 

It was Savy.

"Hey there."

"Hey."

"You busy tonight?"

"No. I just got some sushi for dinner. Planning on just watching the O's game."

"Can you pick me up?"

Does she really want to see me again?

"You don't want to hang out at your dorm? Or with your roomie?"

"She's going to some frat party and everyone in the dorm is mostly hanging out in their own rooms with their roomies. You don't want to see me?"

I wanted to see her more than anything and that actually concerned me a bit.

"Not at all, of course I want to see you. But I want you to meet new people, too."

"How about you come over and we can hang out here. Then if anyone wants to meet us, they can."

"I can do that. I'll be there in twenty, okay?"

"See you soon."

I changed out of my slacks and shirt from work and into some cargo shorts and a t-shirt, finished my sushi, then headed out the door. A few minutes later, I pulled up to Savy's dorm. I texted her to come let me in and waited outside.

The door opened and I saw Savy's head pop out. She waved me over and when I got to the door, she grabbed my hand and led me inside. After I got through the door, she didn't let go of my hand, she just shifted so that her fingers were intertwined with mine. I looked down at our hands - her fingers were so delicate - then back at her. She smiled that wonderful smile at me. Even her eyes were smiling.

My heart was suddenly racing, feeling her hand in mine.

We walked like that up to the lounge on her floor and she was right, nobody was there, so we headed up to her room.

She'd obviously spent the day unpacking and organizing. Her bed was clean and well-made. Her TV was on top of her dresser, pointing at her bed, and her computer was set up at her desk with a row of neat binders and notebooks on the shelf above.

"You like?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, it's very OCD... so, you know, very Savy."

She punched me on the shoulder with her free hand, but didn't let go of my hand with her other.

"So, how much of the campus have you seen," I asked her.

"Um, just what I saw walking to the dining hall for dinner."

"You wanna go for a walk? It's pretty nice out."

"Sure."

She locked up her room and we went downstairs. As soon as we stepped through the door to go outside, she was right next to me again and her fingers were sliding into my hand. 

We started walking and cut in front of the library where we both rubbed the Testudo statue on the nose. We then turned straight into the grass and started walking down the mall towards the fountain. Savy kicked off her sandals and picked them up with her free hand, walking barefoot in the grass.

When we got to the fountain halfway down the Mall, I sat down on the edge and she sat beside me, then slid right next to me.

I sighed heavily, the weight of expectations, personal and societal on my shoulders.

Savy looked up at me, "Are you mad at me?"

"Oh, honey... I'm not mad at you at all. How could I be mad at you?"

"I kissed you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just... we're finally here and... together."

Yes, together.

I could see that her eyes were starting to water. I leaned down and kissed her forehead. I placed her hand that was holding mine into my other hand and reached my now free hand around her shoulders.

"Savy, I wasn't expecting that. You caught me completely off-guard. I just... you're my best friend. You're my sister."

And yet, she was so much more to me than that.

"Adopted..." she whispered.

"Yeah, I know, but we still grew up together. I mean, there's an emotional bond there, right?"

"Yeah..."

She looked utterly devastated.

"But I also know that when I went away to college, I looked forward to our chats every night. I missed you. I really did. And... even though I dated, I never really fell for anyone. Then I came home this summer and you were... we were... always together. That month was, honestly, the best time of my life. When I'm around you, I can't think of anything else and when I'm not around you, I can't think of anything other than the next time I'll be with you."

"Mike, we're here now... together."

"We are. And I don't want to be anywhere else."

Every other word I wanted to say, every feeling I was trying to tell her, I just couldn't get it sorted in my head. I was so completely tongue-tied. I released her hand and reached up to her chin. I gently tilted her up to look at me, her dark eyes looked black in the night as they moved back and forth, dancing across my face. There's a point where nothing more can be said.

I leaned closer... and I kissed her.

For the second time in our lives, our lips touched. She was soft, and full, and luscious. She was incredible. I pressed more firmly against her and then her lips parted. Gently, I slid my tongue against her, probing her lips, gently teasing them and licking them. Then I felt her tongue touch mine and I was completely lost in her. 

My beautiful, special Savy. 

I was completely lost.

I pulled her closer to me and gently brushed her hair behind her ear. She turned and lifted her legs over mine, then slid up onto my lap. Any time our lips parted even the slightest bit, she almost lunged after me to stay in contact. I caressed my hand up and down her back as her long hair fluttered over my bare arm, sending shivers down my spine.

36 hours ago, I was on top of the world. I'd graduated from my favorite school and was working at NASA. I was out on my own and successful, to boot. My little sister, my wonderful, intelligent, beautiful little sister and best friend was following in my footsteps and coming to the same school. She'd be living just minutes from me. 

Now, she was sitting on my lap, we were entwined in each other's arms, and she was kissing me in the most luxurious and sensual way I could even imagine.

She broke away from me and whispered, "It's getting chilly."

I was in absolutely no position to even think about the temperature, but my hand brushed her bare arm and I could feel the goosebumps.

"I don't think I'm ready to let you go."

She kissed me quickly, just a peck, and then with her head tilted down towards my chin, she looked up, almost through her eyelashes, and said, "Then don't."

She stood up, sliding into her sandals, and took my hand, slipping her fingers into mine again, then pulled at me. I stood up and followed her. We walked in complete silence, back up the Mall and towards her dorm. 

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen. I was seeing her in a completely different light and was committing every curve, every bit of her to memory.

I watched as her fingers, interwoven with mine, gently stroked my own. My eyes drifted up past her elegant wrist and to her slender arm. I could still see the goosebumps standing up. Then I was drawn to her hips, which flared seductively away from her waist, her jeans allowing just a hint of the smooth skin of her belly to show. My eyes followed the line of her hips to her thighs, then down to her dainty feet, clad in sandals, with bright red toenails glinting from the street lights.

I looked up again, past her petite waist and her long dark hair flowing around her, to her t-shirt, clinging tightly to her perfectly shaped breasts, with just a hint of cleavage visible at her collar. Her slender neck. The smooth line of her chin, curving around to those lips which I had just been kissing moments before. Her nose, as delicate and refined as the rest of her, with a small bridge between her wide eyes, themselves topped with lush eyelashes that seemed to go on forever.

I was completely engrossed in absorbing her.

We reached her dorm and she pulled me inside. As she walked up the stairs in front of me, I couldn't help but admire her fabulous rear, a small but perfectly shaped heart. At her door, before unlocking it, she turned and faced me. 

Savy stood on her toes and reached her hands behind my head, pulling me down to her. She kissed me deeply, her tongue searching for my own while her hands stroked my hair, setting every part of my body on edge.

After stepping inside, she whispered to me, "Lay down."

I climbed onto her bed and slid over against the wall. She went to her dresser and pulled out small, black terry cloth shorts and a white tank top. Despite the turn our relationship had taken over the past day and a half, she was demure enough that she moved to her closet and stood half-obscured by the door.

I watched, completely entranced, as she slid her jeans over her impeccable butt. I could only catch a glimpse of the black panties she wore, before she pulled her shorts back up. I think she realized that I was watching her, because she peeked over her shoulder at me and smiled, almost as if to herself. Her eyes were gleaming.

She reached down and pulled her t-shirt over her head, her hair flowing through and then down her back, obscuring most of her wonderful skin. Her hands were behind her and she unhooked her bra, letting it fall to the floor. Her back, with her light caramel skin, was flawless. She pulled her tank top over her head and then turned to face me. Again, that almost teasing smile, more with her eyes and just the slightest upturn in the corners of her mouth.

She came over to me and I pulled the covers back for her to slide in next to me. She faced me and rested the palm of her hand against my cheek, then pulled me close and we kissed. It felt like I was completely dissolving as a separate human being. The only parts of me that I could feel were the parts that she was touching. My lips. My cheek. The path of her fingers as she tucked my hair behind my ear. My neck, while she lightly caressed me. 

I could barely breathe.

I absolutely wanted to touch all of her, to feel myself inside her, for us to be completely united, and to make love to her. But she wasn't just a roll in the hay or even another girlfriend. She was Savannah, my Savy, the one who I'd shared every part of my life with. I wanted, I needed her to understand my love, my complete adoration of her. She was now everything to me and I was as enthralled to be holding her as I would be making love to her.

I broke our kiss and gently brushed my lips past the tip of her nose, then pressed them against the bridge of her nose, kissing her in that gentle curve between her eyes, and then her forehead.

"Goodnight, Savy."

"Goodnight, Mike."

She curled up against me, completely enveloped in my arms, and we slept.

__________

We woke up the next morning, as her roommate jingled her keys while unlocking the door. A girl walked in, moderately attractive with light blonde hair and wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt.

"Oh, hi! I assume you're Savannah or I'm in the wrong room."

Savy brushed her hair out of face, showing just how red it was, probably because this was her roommate's first real introduction to her and she was in bed with a guy. 

"Hi... yeah, I'm Savy. Savannah."

"I'm Amy." She nodded towards me, "... and who's this?"

Savy spoke up before I could respond, "This is Mike. He's my..." She stumbled just a bit. "... my boyfriend, from back home."

"Hi, Mike. You go here, too?"

"Uh, yeah. Actually doing my master's."

A smile crept across Amy's face and she almost, but not quite, winked at Savy. "Well, I'm just gonna grab my bag for my first class. I'll be out of your hair in a minute."

Savy and I slid back down under the covers, facing each other, and silently giggled at each other.

Amy had her bag and on her way out looked over her shoulder and said, "You guys have fun!" before closing the door.

Savy closed her eyes for a second and I leaned forward and kissed her on each eye, then her nose, then her lips. She murmured her approval and we just laid there for a bit. Finally, she realized that she had classes that day too and it wouldn't be particularly good to start her college career by missing them.

She got out of bed and once again, I sighed, marveling at her beauty. I stood up next to her and hugged her to me. "I've gotta get to work. I hope you have fun at your classes today."

She looked up at me, "I'll be thinking of you."

"And I'll be thinking of you, too." I glanced over at the schedule she'd put on the wall next to her desk, "... but you'd better be thinking just a little bit about Calculus, too."

She bopped me on the nose, "Of course."

After a light goodbye kiss, I was back in my car and headed home for a quick shower and change. I always thought the phrase "on cloud nine" was pretty hokey, but it was as apt of a description for me as any. You know you're really in trouble when every song on the radio singing about love makes sense, inane lyrics or not.

The day absolutely flew by. I couldn't have cared less whether I was doing grunt work or not; work was the last thing on my mind. By the time I was heading out of my office and back to my apartment, I had to consciously will myself not to speed to get back to Savy sooner.

After texting with her and making plans for her to come over, I did a quick cleanup of my place. It wasn't exactly professionally clean, but it would do. I drove over to campus and pulled up to her dorm, where she was waiting out front for me.

Savy dropped a bag into the back and slid into the passenger seat before leaning over for a quick kiss on my cheek. While we drove to my apartment, I asked her about her classes, her professors, and how she felt being on campus. She was obviously excited to finally be a college student.

Once at my place, we ordered a pizza. Since it was just the first day of classes, she didn't have any studying to do yet, so we settled in to watch the Orioles game. After the end of the game, she grabbed her bag and went into the bathroom. When she came out, she had changed into her shorts and tank top to sleep in.

She poked her head into the living room and asked, "Ready for bed?"

I clicked off the television and turned off the light in the living room before going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, and getting all of that out of the way. When I got into the bedroom, she was already in bed. It was like we'd been a couple for months or even years, everything was so natural.

I did what I always did and took off my shirt. When I had my shorts halfway down, I sheepishly looked up at her and she just smiled at me, so I finished stripping to my boxers. I walked over and slid into bed next to her.

Savy lay facing me, then shifted closer and kissed me. What started as a goodnight kiss quickly turned into something more and she pressed herself hard next to me. I could feel her nipples pressing through her thin top and against my chest. I was instantly aroused and I knew that she could feel my erection rubbing against her thighs. She didn't seem the slightest bit concerned about it, either.

Once again, I was astounded that this incredible and gorgeous girl was with me.

I put my hand on her hip and slowly slipped it around to the small of her back. My fingers worked their way under her tank top and I caressed her back, tracing them the entire length of her spine, from her neck to her tailbone. Savy used her own hand to ever-so-lightly trace her fingernails up and down my arm, setting the tiny hairs on edge. All the while, her savory lips were locked to mine as her tongue danced around my own, sliding in and out of my mouth.

The first time I let my hand drift down to the top of her butt, she tried to repress a tiny giggle. It seemed she was just a little bit ticklish at her dimples of Venus. I smiled as she continued kissing me.

Very subtly, Savy began grinding her hips against me. The reflexive actions of two people laying together, touching each other, took over. I wasn't sure exactly how far this was going to go tonight, but I absolutely had to tell her one thing, no matter what.

I slowly broke our kiss and leaned back just far enough that my eyes could focus on hers in the dark.

"Savy, you are everything to me and as many times as I've told you before, it's different now."

She looked up at me and her tongue gently wet her lips.

"I love you. I've loved you as my sister and I've loved you as my best friend. Now I love you as a part of me... and I can never lose that."

"I love you, too, Mike."

Her hand brushed along my cheek, then behind my head and pulled me to her. She kissed me. Deeply. Passionately.

We laid in bed, running our hands over each other, kissing as lovers, desperate for each other. Savy fell asleep in my arms, again, and I couldn't remember a time when I had fallen asleep without her. I couldn't even fathom what it was like to not hold her as I lost consciousness, the sound of her breathing soothing me, and the gentle thump of her heart, with her chest pressed against mine.




Mike & Savy Ch. 04



Note to Readers: This is the fourth chapter of a series and is presented from Savy's point of view.

The events of this chapter begin immediately after the events of Chapters 1 and 2 and cover the same time period as Chapter 3. If you have read Chapter 3 and are not interested in the different perspective, you may skip this chapter without missing any significant plot advancement.

*

I couldn't believe what I had done. My lips were pressed against Mike's, my brother's, lips. I just acted on pure instinct.

In an instant, everything was running through my mind, memories and feelings. Especially feelings that I had never been consciously aware of before.

I pulled away from Mike. I didn't want to, but I had to. His eyes were wide in shock. What had I done?

I lifted my hand to his cheek.

He parted his lips and started, "Savy..."

I cut him off. I didn't let him finish. I couldn't let him finish right now because I was too afraid of what he'd say.

"I'll see you soon."

I was out of the car. I set my sights on the door to my dorm, where I could disappear. By the time I reached it, I was squeezing my eyes tight to hold back tears.

I made it to my dorm room and collapsed on my bed. Fortunately, I was alone.

I didn't want to be alone. I wanted Mike to be there with me. That particular thought was terrifying to me. There was no denying how close Mike and I had gotten, especially over the last several months, and then last night, I slept in his arms.

It was obvious now that I was drawn to him and for quite some time, based on my actions. I was drawn to him more than I should have been, but to admit to myself that my feelings had crossed a line that isn't supposed to be crossed... it was too much.

I buried my face in my pillow and I cried. At some point, I had sobbed myself to exhaustion and I fell asleep.

I awoke a few hours later. I got off of my bed and looked in the mirror. My eyes were still red and my hair was a mess. After a trip to the bathroom, with my head held low to let my hair cover my face, I was back in my room and feeling at least somewhat human. I changed into clean clothes, jeans and a t-shirt.

I turned on my computer and checked my email. Nothing from Mike. I checked my phone and it was the same. In a way, it relieved me that there wasn't a long message from him telling me that he couldn't spend time with me anymore.

I sat staring blankly at my screen for a few minutes, then opened a new email to Mike. I got as far as typing, "Mike," before stopping. My thoughts were racing, but my fingers refused to move. I started and deleted that email a dozen times, at least.

I went back to sit on my bed. I had to slow myself down.

Mike.

He was my big brother. I had known that since as long as I could remember. He had been there to help me with homework at the end of the day, when mom was working long hours to provide for us. He had been there when I played in my first concert and was almost too nervous to stand in front of the audience. He had been there when I didn't feel like I fit in at school.

He had become my best friend and whatever problem I had, with school or friends, he listened to me. When Aly and I had a huge fight in eighth grade and it felt like our friendship was over, he talked me through it. Even after he went away to college and I was still navigating high school, he didn't forget about me.

When did I start to feel more?

During my senior year, I'd definitely become more confident in myself, not just knowing that I'd get the grades or play violin well. No, as I began to shed my childhood awkwardness physically, I think I had become more comfortable with myself. I still didn't have the confidence to simply walk up to a boy and ask him out, but... did I already know that I was falling for Mike?

No, down that path lay madness. Hindsight isn't 20-20. It's still clouded by emotions, from both then and now. Did it even matter when, anymore? The fact is that I had kissed Mike. I had done so because I had never felt closer to anyone and it felt completely natural to do so.

Did he feel the same way about me? I didn't know, even if it seemed like he'd been as comfortable around me as I had been around him. That was terrifying, as was knowing that however he felt, our course was set and it would have to be discussed.

We would talk and then I would know. As complicated as everything was, what was next was as simple as that. Still, I knew the rest of the day would inch by, slowly.

I set about organizing the rest of my things. Classes would start tomorrow and that would at least give me something to focus on for a bit. I eventually got all of my books, notebooks, and the rest of my things in order.

I'd settled down enough to realize that I was quite hungry and I decided to venture out to the dining hall for the first time.

I stepped outside and the campus was beautiful. The sky was azure and a slight breeze rustled the leaves in the trees. The grass, bushes, and flower beds were perfectly manicured. Being outside lifted a bit of the weight off of my shoulders.

At the dining hall, I didn't feel much like sitting and eating there, so I grabbed a noodle bowl and made my way back towards my dorm. I spotted a picnic table and sat down before starting in on my dinner. I took my time, nibbling more than eating, but I did manage to finish most of it.

Back inside, I knew it was getting close to time for Mike to be leaving work. I got on my computer and tried to breathe deeply to calm myself. After some time, I saw the notification that Mike had logged on. I opened a chat window and sighed.

"Hey there."

It didn't take long for him to respond. "Hey."

I typed in, "You busy tonight?"

"No. I just got some sushi for dinner. Planning on just watching the O's game."

I wanted to see him, desperately. "Can you pick me up?"

"You don't want to hang out at your dorm? Or with your roomie?"

No, I didn't. She'd sent me an email, anyway, and wasn't going to be in.

"She's going to some frat party and everyone in the dorm is mostly hanging out in their own rooms with their roomies. You don't want to see me?"

I was terrified that he'd say he didn't.

"Not at all, of course I want to see you. But I want you to meet new people, too."

"How about you come over and we can hang out here. Then if anyone wants to meet us, they can."

Us. That word looked different to me now.

Mike responded, "I can do that. I'll be there in twenty, okay?"

I smiled to myself. I was nervous, but... hopeful?

"See you soon."

That was an impossibly long twenty minutes. Finally, my phone buzzed and I saw the text that he was here. I went downstairs and popped my head out the door. I saw Mike and waved at him.

As he approached the door, I held out my hand for him. He took it and came into my dorm. I felt his hand start to pull away, the normal letting go, but I held on. I interlocked my fingers with his, feeling how much larger his hand was than mine. They were strong, from his years of wrestling. I watched as his eyes went down to our hands, then back up to me, but he didn't pull away.

I couldn't help but smile.

I led Mike upstairs to the lounge on my floor, which was empty, then to my room. When we stepped inside, I asked, "You like?"

He grinned. "Yeah, it's very OCD... so, you know, very Savy."

I'm not OCD. I just like things to be where they belong. I punched him on the shoulder.

Mike turned to face me and asked, "So, how much of the campus have you seen?"

"Um, just what I saw walking to the dining hall for dinner."

He asked if I wanted to go for a walk and my heart started to quicken. I knew that we were going to talk. My mind raced over every move he made. How were his eyes, those beautiful eyes, looking at me? Was he standing close to me? Far? Was he holding my hand like a brother? Like a friend? Like...

I said that I would like to and we stepped outside. I let go of Mike's hand and locked my door, then we went downstairs. Once we were outside, I moved next to him again and slid my hand back into his. Again, he didn't pull away. He didn't squeeze my hand, exactly, but he held it... comfortably.

We walked towards the library and in front of it, where a statue of Testudo sits out front. We are both Terps, so we rubbed him on the nose. As nervous as I was, it almost felt like we'd done this a hundred times before.

Mike started to take the lead a little bit, guiding us. We went down the stairs in front of the library and onto the grass of the mall. I love the feel of grass on my feet and between my toes. I kicked off my sandals and bent down to pick them up.

Halfway down the mall, we got to the fountain. Mike sat down, still holding my hand, and I sat next to him, moving close to him. I heard him sigh. 

That sigh almost crushed me.

I looked up at him and asked, "Are you mad at me?"

His face, a mixture of concern and... was that sadness?... softened. He smiled gently at me.

"Oh, honey... I'm not mad at you at all. How could I be mad at you?"

He wasn't mad at me. My eyes widened and I could feel words starting to bubble up my throat.

"I kissed you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just... we're finally here and... together."

It felt like everything inside of me was trying to be said at once. We'd talked for years about both going to Maryland. We'd shared our dreams with each other. What do you do when you're finally there, you're achieving your dreams, and with a person that you care about?

It was starting to get to be too much and I could feel my eyes filling with tears.

Mike bent down and then he kissed my forehead. My mind was briefly blank, exhausted from running over years of memories and what felt like hundreds of emotions. He took hold of my hand between both of his, then reached around my shoulder.

"Savy, I wasn't expecting that. You caught me completely off-guard. I just... you're my best friend. You're my sister."

I felt like that word was all that was standing between us. But what was it? I wasn't denying to myself that we had that relationship, but it wasn't completely insurmountable... at least I thought.

I tried to answer him, to reassure him, but only a whisper came out, "Adopted..."

"Yeah, I know, but we still grew up together. I mean, there's an emotional bond there, right?"

Maybe it was insurmountable, to him.

"Yeah..."

He went on, "But I also know that when I went away to college, I looked forward to our chats every night. I missed you. I really did. And... even though I dated, I never really fell for anyone."

A lump formed in my throat, but I didn't want to interrupt him.

"Then I came home this summer and you were... we were... always together. That month was, honestly, the best time of my life. When I'm around you, I can't think of anything else and when I'm not around you, I can't think of anything other than the next time I'll be with you."

I was on the verge of tears again, but was he saying...?

"Mike, we're here now... together."

"We are. And I don't want to be anywhere else."

My heart, previously pounding inside of me, stopped. I watched as he released my hand and his fingers moved closer to my face, then was touching me. He gently turned my chin up, so that we were looking straight at each other, nowhere to hide. I searched his face, his eyes, which looked greener at night as the blue faded away. Even in the darkness, I could see the flecks of gold.

Then he was moving closer to me... and we kissed.

He kissed me and my body almost gave out. He was gentle, but he held me up close to him. Unlike last time, we didn't break the kiss. I felt his lips part, but still against mine. Then the soft and moist feeling of his tongue on my lips. I melted. Our lips parted a bit and I struggled to maintain contact. I couldn't bear the thought of any space between us.

He gently stroked my hair as he continued holding me and kissing me. I turned my body towards him, then lifted myself onto his lap. I ran my hand around his ear, letting my fingers brush through his hair. My other arm wrapped around his back and I pulled myself as close to him as I could. It felt good to be in his arms. He held me firmly.

As wonderful as all of these feelings were, with the darkness of night had come a chill in the air. I pulled just an inch away from him and said, "It's getting chilly."

Mike pressed his forehead against mine.

"I don't think I'm ready to let you go."

I didn't want him to let me go. I never wanted to be anywhere else other than in his arms. I looked up at him, pressed my lips against his quickly and lightly, and then made eye contact.

"Then don't."

I stood up and my feet found my sandles. I reached to Mike and my fingers were intertwined with his again. He stood next to me. His height comforted me. I was only 5' tall and the top of my head barely approached his shoulders on his 5'11" frame.

We walked back towards my dorm.

I would have thought my mind would have been racing. Everything had changed between us. We'd jumped over the edge, together. That was the important part. We were doing this together and I was surprisingly calm.

The only thing that my mind focused on at that point was the two of us. My hand, enveloped by his, the feeling of his fingers wrapped around mine, reassuring me with their presence. Our steps, slow, steady, unhurried. I pressed myself against his arm.

We got to the dorm and there were some other people hanging out in the lounge, laughing with each other, so instead of taking the elevator I angled us towards the stairs. Up we went to my room.

At my door, I turned towards Mike. I had to stand on my toes to reach up to him and was still not quite tall enough, so I reached behind his head and pulled him down to me. We kissed, deeply, passionately, lovingly. I wanted to taste his lips again and feel his tongue sliding against mine. His hands ran up and down my back, while his chest and hips pressed against me. It felt wonderful.

I unlocked the door and we went inside. I wanted to reassure Mike that this was exactly what I wanted, where I wanted to be. I said simply, "Lay down." He went over and sat on the edge of my bed before moving against the wall and laying down. He never took his eyes off of me.

I grabbed some sleeping clothes out of my dresser, but suddenly it just felt a little awkward to change in front of Mike. Our relationship, on this level anyway, was just an hour old or so, so I moved over towards my closet and stood behind the door. 

I changed from my jeans to shorts and I could sense that he was watching me. I looked over my shoulder and sure enough, his eyes were fixed on me. I blushed to myself, but I had to admit that it turned me on that he was that interested in me.

I pulled on a t-shirt, one of those nice fitted women's style shirts with a Maryland logo on the front, and went to him.

I was laying next to Mike, the first time we'd consciously chosen to lay down together, and faced him. I could barely see him in the darkness of my room. I rested my hand on his face, feeling his jaw and his smooth skin. I liked that he shaved every day.

I moved closer to him and kissed him. His lips were thin, but soft. They parted and our tongues were against each other again, tickling each other and learning the other's touch. I ran my hands through his hair, thick and smooth. I loved the feeling of his hair on my fingers. The long bits that slid through them and the short hairs at the nape of his neck.

His arms wrapped around me, that already familiar embrace, different than even this past summer. His body was warm and I was completely content to rest against him, to feel his hands holding my back and my hips.

Our lips separated from each other and then Mike kissed my nose, then my forehead.

He whispered to me, "Goodnight, Savy."

"Goodnight, Mike."

One change, one monumental change. Whether it had been building for years, months, or days, it was the most incredible thing to happen in my life.

I buried my face into his chest and we slept.

__________

I dozed in that soft dream world between sleep and consciousness. I heard a slight jingling. Keys? The door clicked and I briefly panicked. Who was coming into my room?

I turned my face towards the door and a girl walked in. I remembered where I was. College. My dorm room. In bed, with Mike.

"Oh, hi! I assume you're Savannah or I'm in the wrong room."

I could feel myself blushing. I had never kissed a guy before and now the first time my roommate meets me, I'm in bed with a guy... well, not just any guy, Mike. My Mike.

I brushed my hair out of my eyes.

"Hi... yeah, I'm Savy. Savannah."

"I'm Amy."

We'd emailed a bit over the summer, after we were paired in the dorm, but this was the first time we'd seen each other.

"... and who's this?" Her eyes were on Mike.

I blushed harder. "This is Mike. He's my..." A small lump caught in my throat. "... my boyfriend." I hastily added, "From back home."

I squeezed Mike's hand under the covers and he squeezed back.

Amy continued while moving about the room collecting some things, "Hi, Mike. You go here, too?"

Mike answered her, "Uh, yeah. Actually doing my master's."

Amy grinned at the two of us. I guess she was a little surprised that her freshman roommate was dating a graduate student.

"Well, I'm just gonna grab my bag for my first class. I'll be out of your hair in a minute."

I tucked my face under the covers with Mike. He was grinning at me.

Amy called out, "You guys have fun!" and I heard the door close.

I closed my eyes, so happy to be in Mike's arms. I felt him press his lips against one eye, then the other, then my nose. I loved the feeling of his light, tender kisses. His lips were on mine and I was lost in him again.

After some time, I sighed. I had classes to go to, too. I mumbled, "Classes," under my breath and slowly climbed out of bed. I didn't want to leave, but I knew I had to.

Mike stood next to me and pulled me in close for a hug.

"I've gotta get to work. I hope you have fun at your classes today."

I wasn't sure how I'd be able to concentrate, after the turn my life had taken in such a short time. It's hard to concentrate when you're floating a mile off the ground.

I looked into Mike's blue and green eyes and smiled, "I'll be thinking of you."

"And I'll be thinking of you, too." He looked over towards my desk and I guess he saw my schedule, because he continued, somewhat teasingly, "... but you'd better be thinking just a little bit about Calculus, too."

I reached up and swatted him lightly on the nose. "Of course."

He kissed me goodbye and then was out the door. I was alone in my room again, but not alone in my head. He was still with me there, even if we had to be apart for a bit.

I went to my closet and pulled out a towel and my shower basket before heading down the hall to the bathroom. I stopped in front of the sink to look at myself in the mirror. The reflection was me. Same eyes, same nose, same long, wavy hair, but the face in the mirror looked and felt like a completely different person. She looked... jubilant.

In the shower, I sighed as the hot water ran over my body. I closed my eyes and stood there, smiling like a fool. I washed my hair and squeezed body soap into my loofah. As I ran it over my body, I wondered what it would feel like to know Mike's eyes were on my naked body. I'd only ever thought of myself as a short, scrawny girl, but now I was more comfortable and confident. I wanted to feel his hands on my bare back, to feel his fingertips brushing up and down my spine while I pressed against his chest.

I'd seen him in his board shorts, of course. At the time, I'd teased him about how white he was, especially compared to my own creamy tan complexion. I closed my eyes and remembered the last time I'd seen him like that. He was skinny, like me, but there was a fine outline of his pectoral muscles, then a hint of his abs. His hair was normally dark brown, but after a summer of doing chores outside and walking on the boardwalk, it turned much lighter, sandy. During the day, under the bright sky and beside the ocean, the blue in his eyes came out much more. He was like a chameleon, changing to perfectly match the environment around him.




Mike & Savy Ch. 05



"Oh no."

Mom repeated herself.

I tried to interrupt her, "Mom, we know this is a shock, but..."

She cut me off. "Mike, stop. Savy... I can't..." Tears were running down her face, still completely pale. "I should have said something sooner. I should have seen the two of you and told you."

I was confused. "Mom, what are you talking about?"

"Give me a minute."

She stood up and walked into the kitchen. It sounded like she was making tea.

I looked at Savy and she at me. The love and happiness that I'd seen there just a few minutes before were gone, replaced with fear and apprehension. I squeezed her hand, then brought it to my lips and kissed it. Savy bent her head down against my shoulder and I rested mine on top of hers.

We sat in silence.

Mom came back into the living room, carrying a cup of tea. She slowly sat across from us and set her tea on the table. She looked at Savy and I together and sighed. 

"I should have told you."

She took a second to compose herself.

"Mike, your father, Tom... you know we didn't have a happy marriage. Obviously... since we divorced. At first it was a good marriage and when you came along, he was proud of you as his boy. When you were still a little boy, Tom started to change. He just... withdrew, from both of us. He didn't seem to want to spend time with us. He stayed at the office and when he wasn't at work, he just stayed away from us in the house."

"And then one day, I came home from work and his car was already in the driveway. When I came inside, he was sitting on the floor, crying. I had never seen him cry before. I hadn't seen him show emotion in years, really. When he saw me, he stood up and asked me to sit in here so he could tell me something important. I still remember his words and how they hit me."

"'I've been having an affair,' he said."

"I asked him how long and he said five years. I was crushed. He wasn't just having an affair, he was having a whole separate life. And then he said that there was more he had to tell me. I waited for him to say he was leaving me. I shouldn't have cared, but sometimes even when your marriage is hurting you, you don't want it to end. He told me that she was dying. That she had breast cancer and it was terminal. I was in shock. I didn't have any idea how to respond to him."

"He kneeled down on the floor in front of me. He wasn't done. What more could there possibly be? 'I have a daughter.' Savannah, he's your father."

I heard Savy, in a hoarse whisper, "What?"

"I'm so sorry, honey. I should have told you."

I felt Savy pull away from me. The realization hit us both like an avalanche.

"You had no other family here. He begged me. You would've been put into the system or sent to your family in the Philippines. He pleaded with me to stay with him and take you in. I didn't speak to him for days. I was shattered."

"But it wasn't your fault. You had nowhere to go. I thought it might even save our marriage. I still loved him. God help me, even after all of it, I still loved him. And so I said yes."

"I think if you were anyone else, I couldn't have done it, honey. I would have seen his betrayal every day. But you were, you are, such a sweet child. How could anyone not love you?"

Tears were streaming down Savy's cheeks.

"I did my best to treat you like my own daughter. I tried to make us a family. It wasn't enough. He still left. Whatever he wanted out of life, it wasn't me and it wasn't a family."

Mom looked at Savy. "I'm so sorry, honey. I do love you. You are my daughter. I don't want you to be hurt."

Mom stood up and asked me to wait for her. She took Savy's hand and lead her upstairs.

I can't begin to describe how stunned I was. My father had had an affair... a second family! I was furious.

But Savy, she was... 

I slumped forward and my head fell into my hands. I closed my eyes and could see Savy. I could see her as a laughing, smiling child. I could see her on stage, playing beautifully. I could see her laying next to me. I could feel her hand on my face, then brushing her fingers through my hair. 

Little things jumped out to me. She had the same gold flecks in her eyes as I did. Her nose seemed a bit taller at the bridge, which I'd kissed so many times. Her chin had the same definition.

When mom came back downstairs, I wasn't sure how much time had passed. I was in complete shock. She sat down next to me and put her arm around me. 

"I wish I had told you sooner."

"What do I, we, do now, mom?"

"I don't know, honey. We'll get through this. We'll find a way. It's so much to process."

I looked up towards the stairs. "How is Savy? I need to go see her, talk to her."

"She's devastated, of course. Just give her space tonight. This is just so much."

My head fell into my hands again. Holding back tears was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do.

Mom told me to do my best to try and sleep. We'd talk more in the morning. She went upstairs and then I was alone. I sat there, staring at the clock on the cable box, watching minutes tick by. It was after 4:45 in the morning when I stood up. My body felt like I'd just survived a car crash. I felt bruised and beaten. Every step on the stairs was an almost insurmountable obstacle. 

At the top, I turned to the right and looked at Savy's door. It was closed. I took the three steps to her door and pressed my hand against it. I reached for the knob and it was locked. My forehead pressed against her door.

I finally made it to my room. When I flipped on the light, a scrap of paper was on my bed. I picked it up. It simply read, "I'm sorry." When my eyes fell back to my bed, Savy's ring was laying there.

I fell to my knees and I cried.

The next thing I can remember from that night, I was in my car and pulling out of the driveway as the sun rose. Savy and I had watched many sunrises over the Maryland campus from a favorite bench near her dorm. The sun's rays slowly creep up over the administration building, then dance across the trees and grass. The oranges and reds, purples and pinks, paint the white trim of the buildings that flank either side of the mall before finally resting on McKeldin Library. As I left Salisbury on Route 50, the sun rose behind me.

Four days went by and I heard nothing from Savy.

When I'd gotten to my apartment - was it still our apartment? - I was surrounded by her things, our memories. Mom had sent me an email as soon as she's woken up and realized I'd left. She told me I didn't have to talk to her about any of it, but that she just wanted to know I was okay. I responded quickly that I had returned to Greenbelt. 

After that, nothing.

I don't consciously remember sleeping, eating, or doing anything. I must have, but I don't remember it. 

On Monday, I dragged myself out of bed and made it into the office. Despite my growing exhaustion, I managed to make it through the day, though not without colleagues asking if I was sick. I looked like hell. I felt like hell.

At home, I didn't touch anything. I had to believe that she would call me and tell me to pick her up any time now.

On Friday, Jeff texted me about our usual lunch meeting. I told him that I couldn't make it this week. The next Friday, the same thing. He asked if everything was okay. I didn't want to have this conversation with him, but I had to have it with someone, right? I asked if he could meet at the pub after dinner. A few hours later, I made my way over. Jeff was already waiting when I walked in.

"Holy shit, Mike, you look like crap."

"Thanks."

I did look like hell. I couldn't remember the last time I shaved. I think it was sometime since Thanksgiving, but I wasn't sure. I was down fifteen pounds in less than three weeks, a dangerous amount in that short of time. My eyes were almost permanently red now, with dark bags underneath. 

"Talk to me, Mike. What's going on?"

I leaned on the bar and my face dropped into my hands. "She's gone."

"What? Are you talking about Savannah? She's gone? What the hell happened?" His questions were rapid-fire and hearing her name sent a sharp pain through me.

After I ordered a beer, I recounted everything to him that had happened over the past few weeks. The ring and our engagement. That we'd grown up together, thinking she was my adopted sister. Telling mom about us. What mom had said. That Savy and I were half-siblings. That she'd left her ring on my bed. That I hadn't heard from her since. Jeff didn't say a thing the entire time until I finished. I was completely spent. I had another beer.

"Mike... fuck. I don't even know what to say."

"There's nothing to say."

"Have you talked to your mom?"

"No."

I ordered another beer and drank it in silence.

"Is Savannah back at school?"

"I don't know."

We sat quietly through another beer.

"Mike, do you still love her?"

I didn't answer. Another beer.

In my current mental and physical state, I was already feeling the effects of the alcohol. Jeff called Mia and asked her to drive over and pick us up. When she pulled up in front, Jeff opened the door to the back seat and dumped me in.

Mia started, "What are you two..." Jeff gave her a look that cut her off. "Can you take us to Mike's place? I'll explain everything later, but he can't be alone tonight."

I woke up the next morning, feeling even more like ass. The fact that I always seemed to wake up early after drinking didn't help matters. I stumbled out to go to the kitchen. Jeff was crashed on the sofa. When I came back out of the kitchen with a glass of water, Jeff was sitting up.

"Mike. Sit."

I slumped onto the loveseat.

"I'm not gonna lie, man, this is a fucked up situation. You never answered me last night when I asked if you still love her, but I'm not an idiot. I can see it in you that you do. You wouldn't be doing this to yourself if you didn't and the love you two had, it ain't something that goes away just like that... " He snapped his fingers. "I'm not saying your situation is something you run across every day, but you can't just do nothing. You've gotta fucking talk to her, at least."

"She doesn't want to talk to me."

"How the hell do you know that? You haven't heard from her. That ain't the same thing as her not wanting to talk to you. She's gotta be fucking devastated, man. In one night, she learns that she does have a dad, that he was a fucking bastard who abandoned all of you, that her mom knew all of this and didn't tell her, and that the guy she's crazy in love with and whose ring she was wearing is her..." His voice stumbled a bit. "... brother. Do you think anyone is prepared for that?"

I shook my head.

"This ain't you, man. You never let shit tell you the way it's gonna be. You never did at school and you never do at work."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes.

"You've gotta talk to her."

I knew that he was right, but what was I going to say?

"Take a day to get yourself together. Get yourself shaved and cleaned up. Let's get food in you. Then you can go over there and knock on her door. Whatever happens happens, but you're not just fucking giving up. I know what she means to you."

I did as Jeff said. While I was shaving and showering, Jeff called Mia, since we didn't have a car. I guess he told her everything, because when she pulled up, she got out of the car and hugged me with tears in her eyes. The three of us got burgers for lunch and, thankfully, talked about other things.

After picking up my car, we went back to my place. They wanted to make sure I ate dinner, too. By ten o'clock, I was alone again.

The one direction I couldn't follow was to get some sleep. When my eyes closed, I saw her and when I opened them, I was alone. My fears of what she would say ate at me. When I slept, it was from pure exhaustion.

I woke up and did my best to make myself presentable. I couldn't do anything about my bloodshot eyes or gaunt appearance, but the rest of me was okay. 

And then I was behind the wheel, driving towards campus, towards Savy. I'd driven it so many times over the past months. It was one of my favorite drives, but now I just felt sick to my stomach.

Her dorm was in sight.

I parked and waited. After a short time, I was able to tailgate in.

My feet were lead boots on the stairs.

I was at her door. I held up my hands and after pausing for a moment, I knocked.

Amy opened the door.

I spoke softly. "Is Savy here?"

Amy looked over her shoulder. "Give me a minute." She quietly closed the door.

Oh no. She wasn't going to see me. Every horrible scenario I'd run over in my head was coming true. I was going to be sick.

The door opened.

"Savy..."

She was in as bad of shape as I was. Her eyes were red and swollen. Her hair, lacking its usual body and sheen, was pulled back in a ponytail. She was practically drowning in her sweatpants and sweatshirt. She didn't just look petite anymore, she looked frail.

"Oh Savy..."

She stepped back, clearing a way for me to go into her room. Amy had just picked up a bag and was on her way out.

She said to Savy, "Call me if you need anything." On her way past me, she briefly rested her hand on my arm and looked me in the eye before closing the door behind her. Savy and I were alone.

She stood in front of her bed. I stepped towards her and she didn't move. I held out my arms and she took a small step towards me. I wrapped my arms around her and she collapsed into me, sobbing. I was crying, too.

I held her and we cried, because it was the only thing we could do.

I don't know if I held her for five minutes or an hour. She stepped away from me and I let her go. She sat on the edge of her bed, then scooted until her back was against the wall. She picked up a pillow and clutched it to her.

I sat on the other end of the bed. I was so completely unsure of myself... and unsure of what she wanted. I just wanted to mend her heart and fix everything.

"Savy..."

She looked at me, her eyes still wet.

"I've missed you so much, Savy."

Her voice was so quiet, I barely heard her reply. "I missed you too, Mike."

I rested my hand on the bed between us. She didn't take it.

"I still love you. I still love you more than anything that could possibly stand between us."

I tried to look into her eyes, but she looked away.

"Please, Savy..."

Tears were running down her cheeks again.

"I can't. I love you. I love you and it makes me want to die, but I can't."

"We can get through this."

"Mike... you're my brother."

"I was always your brother. Whether we shared the same DNA or not, I was always your brother. But we became more than that. We grew up together and then we grew together. Savy, you're the absolute love of my life. Nothing matters to me more than that."

"Everything has changed now..."

"Not for me. I still want to marry you, to spend my life with you."

"I need time. This is too much. I never once thought about my parents. My family was you, mom, and me. That was it. And now I know who they were and it changes everything. How do I deal with that, Mike?"

"We deal with it together."

"Don't you see me differently now? Don't you see all the similarities we have?"

"I see you. You're my Savy. And I love you."

She buried her face in her pillow. We sat silently.

"Does it hurt you that I'm here?"

"I don't know. Everything hurts."

My throat was closing in on me and I could barely breathe.

"Do you... want... me to leave?"

She didn't answer me.

I sat there forever. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to fix everything for her.

But I couldn't. I offered her myself and that wasn't enough. As shocking as all of this was for me, I couldn't begin to understand the full breadth of what she was going through. It wasn't just that our relationship had this shadow hanging over it now, it was her entire understanding of family.

I stood up and leaned over her, then pressed my lips to her head.

"I love you. I'll do anything for you. The second you want me here, I'll be by your side."

I stepped away from her. I heard the door click shut behind me. I was in my car. I was lost.

__________

I haven't seen Savy for over five months now. 

I had everything in my life and now I'm alone. At first, it was complete hell. I couldn't function. I took all of my leave days at work and stayed in my apartment for a week. Every minute after I left Savy was torture. The clock just wouldn't move. I was completely stuck. After a few days, I could make it through an hour without breaking down. 

I think I wouldn't have made it without Jeff and Mia. The only reason I did make it is because they promised me they would take care of Savy. The first few days, they cleaned my apartment and took all of Savy's things to her. They would come by and make sure I had something to eat. I could barely get anything down, but they made me. They would just sit with me, not even expecting me to talk. They were all I had for a long time.

When I first went back to work, I could barely acknowledge my colleagues. They all knew something was wrong. I was making stupid mistakes. The quality of my work suffered. Finally, I told my boss that I had been engaged, but my fiancée and I had split up. She was extremely understanding. At some point, I was able to get my mind back to a place where I could at least do my work satisfactorily.

By early spring, I had settled into a routine. Wake. Work. Study. Eat. Sleep. Over and over, day after day. When I didn't work, I stayed in my apartment. I couldn't bring myself to go anywhere, because everywhere was somewhere I had been with her. 

Whenever I emailed mom, I always asked how Savy was, though we never talked about what had happened. The answer was always the same, "She's getting by." Mom had clearly told me that she was absolutely there for me, but it was my decision whether to talk about it with her or not. I didn't have it in me. Eventually, I had to stop asking. 

I made a difficult decision last month. I had to move. I had to get away from Maryland. My company offered to transfer me to their Virginia location, but I needed to go farther away. I made arrangements and now here I am.

I finished my first year of graduate studies last week. My last day of work was two days ago. Everything I own has been sold or packed into two bags. I am sitting on Jeff's sofa and tomorrow I get on an airplane.

I am moving to Spain. 

I accepted a position teaching English at a small college in Mataró, north of Barcelona. It wasn't exactly what I wanted for my career, but it would get me by for awhile. I'd taken Spanish, albeit from a Mexican perspective, in high school and figured I knew enough to get by.

Mom understands. We haven't really talked that much. I didn't go home for the holidays. She told me that Savy did. Mom came to see me the weekend after I decided to move. I don't want to hurt her by leaving, but she understands.

Jeff and Mia think I should stay. I know they want to keep an eye on me. I know they think they can get me through this. I can't thank them enough for everything they've done. I honestly wouldn't have survived without them.

I don't know if physical space, a change of geography, will heal me, but I don't know what else to do.

__________

My plane touched down in Barcelona and I was almost immediately on a train to Mataró. For much of the trip, the tracks follow the coast and I rested my head against the window and watched the Mediterranean slide by. At the train station, a secretary from the foreign language department was there to meet me. I hopped into his car and he took me to my housing near campus, a small walk-up third floor apartment. We made plans for him to pick me up the next day and take me over to the college for an introduction. It was a bit after seven and I'd eaten on the flight, plus jet lag was setting in, so he left me to rest for the evening.




Mike & Savy Ch. 06



"Oh no."

She said it again. I could feel my pulse quickening. This wasn't the reaction we were hoping for. Mike squeezed my hand.

He tried to speak, "Mom, we know this is a shock, but..."

Mom shook her head. She was nearly sobbing. "Mike, stop. Savy... I can't... I should have said something sooner. I should have seen the two of you and told you."

Told us what? This didn't make any sense.

"Mom, what are you talking about?" Mike asked.

She simply said, "Give me a minute," while rubbing her face. She walked into the kitchen and Mike looked at me. I was terrified of what was happening. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. 

Mike's firm hold of my hand was the only comfort I could feel right now. He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. I bowed my head against Mike's shoulder, he laid his head on mine, and we waited.

Mom came back from the kitchen with a cup of tea. She returned to the chair across from us and set her tea on the coffee table.

Again, she said, "I should have told you."

She wiped her eyes again and took a sip of tea.

"Mike, your father, Tom... you know we didn't have a happy marriage. Obviously... since we divorced. At first it was a good marriage and when you came along, he was proud of you as his boy. When you were still a little boy, Tom started to change. He just... withdrew, from both of us. He didn't seem to want to spend time with us. He stayed at the office and when he wasn't at work, he just stayed away from us in the house."

"And then one day, I came home from work and his car was already in the driveway. When I came inside, he was sitting on the floor, crying. I had never seen him cry before. I hadn't seen him show emotion in years, really. When he saw me, he stood up and asked me to sit in here so he could tell me something important. I still remember his words and how they hit me."

"'I've been having an affair,' he said."

"I asked him how long and he said five years. I was crushed. He wasn't just having an affair, he was having a whole separate life. And then he said that there was more he had to tell me. I waited for him to say he was leaving me. I shouldn't have cared, but sometimes even when your marriage is hurting you, you don't want it to end. He told me that she was dying. That she had breast cancer and it was terminal. I was in shock. I didn't have any idea how to respond to him."

No... this can't... I can't...

"He kneeled down on the floor in front of me. He wasn't done. What more could there possibly be? 'I have a daughter.' Savannah, he's your father."

I felt my body trembling. I could barely speak. "What?"

"I'm so sorry, honey. I should have told you."

I looked down at my hand in Mike's and instinctively pulled it to me. I wanted to crumble into a ball. My father... Mike's father... we are... no... no...

"You had no other family here. He begged me. You would've been put into the system or sent to your family in the Philippines. He pleaded with me to stay with him and take you in. I didn't speak to him for days. I was shattered."

This can't be.

"But it wasn't your fault. You had nowhere to go. I thought it might even save our marriage. I still loved him. God help me, even after all of it, I still loved him. And so I said yes."

Mom...

"I think if you were anyone else, I couldn't have done it, honey. I would have seen his betrayal every day. But you were, you are, such a sweet child. How could anyone not love you?"

I couldn't see through the tears in my eyes. I could feel them running down my cheeks and collecting on my chin before dropping.

"I did my best to treat you like my own daughter. I tried to make us a family. It wasn't enough. He still left. Whatever he wanted out of life, it wasn't me and it wasn't a family."

Mom looked at me. "I'm so sorry, honey. I do love you. You are my daughter. I don't want you to be hurt."

No... no... I can't...

My hand was in mom's. She was pulling me to her and then, stairs. My room. Mom closed the door.

"Savannah, honey. I love you so much. I'm so sorry."

I collapsed on the floor. I couldn't breathe. Mom lifted me and set me on my bed. I curled up into a ball. I sobbed until I was dry heaving.

"Breathe, honey. Breathe."

Everything I knew about myself was nothing. I existed because my mother was 'the other woman'. My father was... he had an affair. A second family. I was that. My birth mother was... dead? And he still fucking left!

I couldn't comprehend any of this. I raged inside. I collapsed inside.

Mom held me and whispered to me, "Sweetie. I love you so much. You were always my daughter. You are my daughter. You will always be my daughter."

I don't know if I fell asleep or my mind simply shut down. 

When I came to, I was under the covers on my bed. I was clutching a pillow and mom was gone. My room was dark and the door was closed.

I looked down and saw the ring on my hand. The ring Mike had given me. I loved him so much that my world couldn't exist without him. I wanted to marry him. Mike was... my brother.

Pain in my stomach. I clutched my pillow tighter. I never took my eyes off my ring.

I can't... I can't...

I closed my eyes and could see Mike. Pain again. I opened my eyes.

I moved my hands together and felt my ring between my fingers. I pulled and it came off. My finger was bare. 

I closed my eyes. I couldn't see Mike. More pain.

I can't do this.

I struggled to sit up. My head was throbbing. I slumped off my bed. My legs were weak. I made it to my desk and found a piece of paper. My hands fumbled for a pen. I scribbled on the paper. I was breathing heavily and would have been sobbing if I had any more tears in me. I cracked open my door and slipped through into the dark hallway. The house was quiet.

To Mike's room. I had to get to Mike's room. 

I braced myself on the wall and felt my way down the hall. I reached an open door. I went inside his room. He wasn't here. I stumbled to his bed until my hands were resting on it. They were clenched into tight fists, my ring in one and the paper in the other. I pressed my face against his bed and I cried.

I opened my fists and my hands were empty.

I made it back to my room and closed my door behind me. I was barely on my bed before I lost consciousness.

I woke up and my room was bright with sunlight. I tried to sit up and grimaced at the knot in my stomach. What had happened?

Slowly, it came back to me and then images were flashing in my mind. My hand in Mike's. Mom's face. Tears. My father. Mike. My ring.

My ring! I grasped at my finger. It was gone. I curled into a ball. It was in Mike's room. I took my ring to Mike's room.

I was in pain, but I slid out of bed. I grabbed my doorknob. It was locked. I fumbled with it and made it into the hallway. Faster. I had to move faster. Mike's door was closed. I opened it and... his room was empty.

No... no... no! Where was Mike?! I panicked.

I fell to the floor and screamed.

When I came to, mom was cradling my head in her lap and stroking my hair. It took time before I could hear what she was saying.

"Oh, Savannah. My poor sweet Savannah."

"Where... where is... Mike?"

"Oh honey. He left. He wasn't here this morning. He's at his apartment. He's safe."

He was gone. My Mike was gone.

I threw up.

When I woke up again, it was dark. I was in bed again. I turned over and my eyes began to focus. Mom was sitting with her back against the wall, her eyes closed.

I struggled to call for her, "Mom..."

Her eyes opened and she was immediately at my side.

"Shh... shh, honey. Stay here. Wait."

She left my room and I closed my eyes. When she came back in, she carried a tray. She set it down on my desk next to my bed. She sat next to me and picked up the glass that was on the tray.

"Drink this, baby."

She held it to my lips and I took a sip. It was fizzy water. Alka-Seltzer? I took a few sips and choked.

"Easy... easy honey."

She picked up a bowl from the tray.

"Eat for me. Just a few bites, please. You need to."

She stirred with the spoon and brought it to me. I managed to get down a few mouthfuls of the chicken broth. She set the bowl back on the tray and sat with her back against the wall. She pulled me to her and held me tightly in her arms. 

"I'm so sorry baby. It'll be okay. I promise it'll be okay. I'm here for you. I'm always here for you."

Again, I slept.

The next few days were a haze. The only time I left my room was to go to the bathroom, often to vomit or dry heave. Mom brought me soup and medicine to settle my stomach. She called my dorm phone until Amy picked up and told her that I'd be staying at home for awhile. She told me Amy would take care of everything at school and not to worry about it.

The only way I could sleep was from sheer exhaustion. Mom had to hold me to keep nightmares at bay. I must have been talking in my sleep, because I would wake up and she'd be whispering to me, "You didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault."

She was terrified the first day I ventured downstairs. I don't know how many days it had been since that night. She had gone downstairs to make lunch. I somehow got to my feet and pulled my hair out of my eyes. I held the bannister on the stairs with two hands to help support my weak body. When I stumbled into the kitchen, she turned around with wide eyes.

"Savannah! No!"

She rushed to me and held me up, then lead me into the living room before putting me on the sofa.

It was little things. The first trip downstairs. The first time I ate solid food again. The first time I stepped outside. One step at a time. When I couldn't take a single step, mom would hold me. She would tell me that she was there for me. All I could say was, "I love him..." and she would answer, "I know, honey. I know."

When I was well enough, I checked my email. There were dozens of messages, many from Amy and Maria. I couldn't respond to them yet.

Mom waited for me to talk to her. She never pressured me. When we did talk, I told her that I'd left my ring in Mike's room that night. She never told me whether she thought that was right or wrong. As shocking as that night was for her, she knew it wasn't her decision to make it. It was our future. Now, I guess it was my future and his future, separate.

When I told mom that I had to go back to school, she insisted that I wasn't ready. I was still in terribly bad shape. I was weak. I had lost weight. When I took showers, I could see my ribs clearly showing. I promised that I would call her every day and that I had Amy and Maria to help keep an eye on me. But I couldn't stay home. The end of the semester was too close and I had worked hard to continue my academic success from high school. I could focus on classes and maybe that would help. I couldn't stay where I last saw Mike.

Mom agreed to take me back to Maryland, but on the condition that I go to the school counseling center. I didn't want to. I didn't want to talk about this to anyone, much less to a stranger, but I agreed. It was a Thursday when we packed some things into her car and left Salisbury. I slept for most of the drive.

I felt mom gently shaking my shoulder and I opened my eyes to see us pull onto the campus. She parked in front of my dorm and took my bags out of the trunk. I held onto her arm as we walked inside. This was the furthest I had walked. We went up the elevator and turned the corner towards my room. I unlocked the door and swung it open.

Amy was sitting on her bed with a book. She jumped and yelled, "Savannah!" and rushed over to throw her arms around me.

Mom stepped into the room, "Hello. I guess you're Amy. I'm Savannah's mom." Amy smiled at her and said hi.

I went over and fell onto my bed while mom set my things by my closet. She stayed for quite awhile. Amy filled us in on telling my professors that I was ill and getting relevant notes for what I'd missed. We both thanked her profusely for the help. Mom embarrassed me a bit by asking Amy to help make sure I was eating enough every day, which Amy promised to do.

When she was ready to leave, mom sat by me and hugged me to her.

"I love you so much, baby. Call me every day. It'll take time, but it will be okay." She kissed me on the forehead and hugged me again.

When she stood up, she squeezed my hand and then walked to the door. She smiled slightly at me and stepped into the hallway out of my sight. Amy followed her, but I was too tired to try and listen to what they were talking quietly about.

Mom was gone. Amy came back inside and sat next to me. 

"Are you hungry, hon?"

"No."

"I'm going to go to the dining hall and give you some time to get used to being back. I'll pick up something for you."

She put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed before standing up and heading out the door, pulling it shut behind her. I sighed and laid back.

At some point, Amy quietly came back into the room and set a plastic bag from the dining hall on my desk. I was laying on my side facing the wall. I felt her lightly touch my shoulder.

"Sweetie, you need to eat."

I sighed and thanked her before sitting up. I scooted down to the end of my bed and dug around in the bag to find a noodle bowl. I was thankful that she'd put the sauce on the side, as I could only keep down the blandest of foods so far.

Amy went and sat at her desk and turned her chair around to face me.

"Savannah, your mom told me about you and Mike, that he proposed and then you broke up. You don't have to tell me what happened at all, but I am here if you want to. Anything you need, just let me know."

I felt a sharp pang at his name. My voice was still pretty weak. "Thanks, Amy."

I didn't sleep any better that night than I had at home. On Friday, I didn't try to go to any of my classes. Amy brought lunch to me after I woke up around eleven. In the evening, she brought me dinner. Some time later, there was a knock on the door and Amy answered. It was Maria.

I nodded my head to Amy and she invited Maria in. When she saw me laying in bed, she rushed over and kneeled next to me, running her hand through my hair.

"Savannah, when you didn't come back after Thanksgiving, Amy told me you were sick. What's wrong? What is it?"

I sighed. "Mike and I... we're not... together."

Maria gasped. "But you two were perfect! How? What did he do?"

"It wasn't his fault. I just... I can't right now."

"I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry."

I couldn't bring myself to explain what had really happened. I could barely acknowledge it to myself, but every time my mind focused on him, it all rushed through me again.

Saturday was spent in my room, though I did get up and sit at my computer a few times, answering some emails and checking some coursework online. Numbness was setting in. Amy and Maria both seemed to take turns spending time with me. Even when we weren't saying anything, they would just sit in my room with me and read or work in a notebook.

On Saturday night, I told Maria that I was ready to try and walk to the dining hall. It was cold out, so I layered two pairs of fleece pajama pants and wore my winter coat over my sweatshirt. I pulled a red Maryland knit hat over my ears. We set out and the cold air was a shock on my face. I couldn't see much of the campus at this time of the night, just the street lights along the various paths winding through buildings. 

We walked to the dining hall, with my arm in Maria's. Inside, I made a salad and Maria threw some grilled chicken on top before smiling at me. We decided to take it back to the dorm, then sat in the quiet third floor lounge by ourselves. 

Later, as I fell asleep, I thought to myself "one more day... one more day." And then, inevitably, the overwhelming pain of missing Mike.

I woke up with a jolt on Sunday. Someone was knocking on the door. Amy was already sitting at her computer and looked over her shoulder to me.

"I've got it."

She opened the door and was just out of sight, but I heard a familiar voice.

"Is Savy here?"

My heart stopped. Amy made eye contact with me and said, "Give me a minute." She closed the door.

"Savannah, honey, it's Mike. Do you want to see him?"

I swallowed hard and tried to hold back tears.

"Okay."

Amy stepped away from the door and nodded. I dragged myself out of bed and shuffled to the door. I reached out and pulled it open.

Mike.

"Savy..."

His eyes went wide when he saw me. He looked awful. There were dark bags under his eyes. He looked thin. His cheekbones were more pronounced and his face looked gaunt. His hair was pulled back behind his ears. His clothes hung loosely off of him.

"Oh Savy..."

I moved back into my room and he followed me. 

Amy looked me in the eye as she grabbed a bag. "Call me if you need anything." She brushed past Mike and he and I were alone, for the first time since before all of this.

Mike stepped closer to me and I stared at him. He held out his arms. I could remember his embrace. It was the last place I felt like everything was right in the world. It was right before we got into the car to drive home. He'd proposed, his ring was on my finger, and he held me. It was going to be the start of the rest of our lives together.

I took a small step towards him. I wanted to be in his arms again. I felt his arms closing around me and I lost all strength. I fell against him and buried my face in his chest, sobbing. I felt his chin on top of my head and could feel his chest as he struggled to breathe through his own tears.

The flood of memories of all the times he'd held me rushed over me. It was too much. I pulled back from him and sat on my bed. I felt alone and empty, like a kind of agoraphobia. I pressed my back against the wall and held my pillow tight to my chest.

Mike sat on the bed, too.

"Savy..."

I tried to look at him. He was blurry through my tears.

"I've missed you so much, Savy."

I missed him. I loved him. I couldn't live without him. I could barely speak.

"I missed you too, Mike."

He slid his hand across the bed towards me. I wanted to hold it, to feel my fingers intertwined with his again, but something held me back. I couldn't take it.

I watched his hand, empty, pull away. His voice was so soft. I could hear the pain.

"I still love you. I still love you more than anything that could possibly stand between us."

I searched his face. My stomach was in so much pain at seeing him. When his eyes locked on mine, I couldn't bear it and I dropped my head. I was losing control.

His voice was desperate, pleading, "Please, Savy..."

I wanted him. My entire world had crashed down around me. I'd had everything I wanted and it was ripped away. He wanted to give it back, but I couldn't. Nothing that I knew about myself was what I thought. It wasn't just the knowledge that he was my brother. It was everything. The family that I had known, that had been my rock, was different now. The family that I hadn't thought about in years was thrust back into my life.

I was speaking. I don't know where the words came from, other than somewhere inside of me that felt completely out of my control.

"I can't. I love you. I love you and it makes me want to die, but I can't."

He was struggling to speak, too. "We can get through this."

"Mike... you're my brother."

His voice was suddenly stronger, which startled me.

"I was always your brother. Whether we shared the same DNA or not, I was always your brother."

It's different... it's different... The thought ran wild through my mind.

"But we became more than that. We grew up together and then we grew together. Savy, you're the absolute love of my life. Nothing matters to me more than that."

Why couldn't I control my head, my heart, my voice?

"Everything has changed now..."

Dammit.




Mike & Savy Ch. 07



 Note to readers: As with all previous odd numbered chapters, this is from Mike's point of view.

*****

I hadn't seen Savy in a year and a half.

I was completely frozen physically, but my mind was racing. Twenty-four hours ago, I had been in Spain. Now, Savy was standing before me.

She was staring at me.

"You left me."

She spoke quietly and her words hit me with incredible force. I was ashamed of myself.

"I shouldn't have."

She stepped further into the kitchen and her hands were gripping the edge of the island's counter. 

"You left me."

I felt sick. Her eyes were boring into me. This wasn't where we were supposed to be. I had been as shocked as she was when mom had told us what she did, that Savy wasn't just my adopted sister, she was my half-sister. Yet, it hadn't changed how I felt about her. 

And then I saw her ring on my bed. I had given it to her maybe twelve hours before. She was hurting. Why did I leave? Decisions didn't have to be made and final in those hours.

Why was I so stupid? I had gone back to her. Had it been too late? I still wanted to marry her. I still loved her more than life itself. 

I had gone back to her. When she had opened the door, she was so frail. She let me hold her. I had her in my arms again and then she was gone. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have expected her to get over what she'd learned about herself, and about us, in such a short period of time? Why did I leave?

I had lost her, because of my own stupidity.

I spent a year and a half avoiding thinking about any of this. I had shut down and then I had flown halfway around the world. I had run away from all of it. I had run away from her.

She was staring at me.

I took a step towards her. She didn't move, but her eyes followed me.

Another step and I was within arm's reach of her.

I rested my hand on top of hers. I watched as her eyes dropped to our hands. She pulled her hand away from me. I could see tears running down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

She slapped me. My head jerked to the side under the sting of her hand. 

"You don't get to say you're sorry."

Her voice carried a powerful anger that hit with far more force than her hand.

"I blamed myself for you leaving. Now you want to come back and say you're sorry?"

She moved, putting the island between us. I stepped back and leaned heavily on the counter to support myself.

"Savy... I was an idiot. I have no excuses. Can we sit down and talk?"

"What is there to say? What do you want from me? You want to come back and be my brother again? You want me to fall into your arms? You. Left. Me."

I had nothing to say in the face of that truth. I had told her that as soon as she wanted me, I'd be there for her, but I'd failed at that. I had pushed everything onto her. It was a completely unfair thing to do. I had sulked in my own sadness instead of focusing on her and healing... us.

She was shaking her head at me. She turned and was gone.

I listened as she went upstairs and then her door shut.

I went into the living room and slumped onto the sofa, my head in my hands. This is where everything had started, really, that night after graduation when I had come back and we sat up talking until we both fell asleep. This is where everything had crashed to a halt, when mom told us the truth about our family.

I awoke with a start. 

It was still dim out, but the sun was slowly rising. I was now working on sporadic sleep during the flight and on the sofa, plus jet lag. I struggled to get to my feet through a dull headache behind my eyes. I shuffled into the kitchen and set about making a pot of coffee. In a few minutes, it was finished brewing. I poured a cup and stepped out onto the sun porch.

The sun was poking through the trees of the backyard now. I went into the yard and sat at the patio table. I was home and yet...

I heard the porch door open behind me and I turned. Mom walked out and sat at the table with me, a cup of coffee in hand. She set down her coffee and rested her hand on mine on the table.

"I'm glad you're home."

"Hi mom."

"Savannah is here. She's not up yet, but she will be soon."

"She came downstairs when I got home last night."

"Oh..."

She obviously wanted to ask me about it, but she just sat quietly.

I sighed. "She hates me."

"Oh, honey. She doesn't hate you. You both had your hearts broken. I'm so sorry about that. And you both did the best you could with what happened. It's just... you haven't seen each other in over a year. You've both had what must feel like an entire lifetime of experiences since then."

"I don't know how to fix this."

"I know. Neither do I. You have to be patient, learn who she has become and let her learn who you have become."

We sat and finished our coffees before she went inside. She came back carrying a tray with two more coffees and a plate with pumpkin bread. 

"Tell me about Spain."

Of course I had emailed her while I was there, but I was always scant on details. I asked her to wait for a minute and I went inside to grab my tablet out of my bag before going back out and sitting next to her. I started telling her more of the complete story, walking her through pictures of my university, Matteo and Isabel, my trip to France, and various pictures I'd taken around Mataro.

At one point, there was a picture of a number of us around a table at the pub. Mom immediately noticed that I was next to a woman. Mom noted how beautiful she was and asked me who she was. I sighed and told her it was Ana and that we had been "quite close." She didn't ask any more questions about Ana.

After we finished talking about Spain, it was well into the morning now. I was sure that Savy would be awake. I told mom that I needed to return my rental car and asked if she'd drive with me. She went inside to get ready to go while I grabbed my remaining bags out of the trunk. As I was taking one upstairs, Savy came out of her bedroom. She quickly put her head down and went into the bathroom. I dragged the rest of my things into my bedroom.

Mom and I took my rental car back, chatting casually. I asked her what she had been doing and she filled me in on various work and family friend news. When we got back, it was almost lunch time and she asked me if I'd fire up the grill.

While I was making hamburgers, mom set out various sides and drinks on the table. When I'd finished, mom poked her head inside and yelled, "Savannah, lunch!"

Savy came down and fixed her lunch in silence. 

Mom spoke first, "Are you going to sit with us?" 

Savy responded, "I'm talking with Josh," and disappeared back inside.

I stared at mom.

"Honey, Josh is Savannah's... boyfriend."

I couldn't breathe. I had absolutely no right to say anything or even feel anything about this news, not after I'd left her and certainly not knowing that just a few days ago, I had been sitting watching the sunrise with Ana. Yet, it still felt like a knife had just been shoved into my side. While I had been avoiding everything, she had... moved on.

All I could say was, "Oh."

I finished eating and told mom I'd mow the grass for her. This time of year, the temperature warms rapidly through the day, especially in the sun. Before long I was sweating profusely. After I'd finished mowing, I grabbed the weed whacker and set to doing trim work. 

By mid afternoon, I was done with that. I couldn't stop. I had to keep busy. I started grabbing various branches and debris that had gathered up against the fence, dragging it into a pile near our fire pit. By the time the sun was setting, I was exhausted and covered with various nicks and bruises.

I was taking a brief rest, but intended on continuing, when mom walked up next to me. She had a look of sadness on her face that hurt me.

"Honey, it's going to be okay. Come eat."

I threw one last branch onto the pile and walked back towards the house. I sat outside to eat, partly because I smelled absolutely horrendous, but mostly because I knew Savy didn't want me around. After I finished eating, I went inside. Savy and mom were sitting in the living room watching the Orioles. I went in and kissed mom on the forehead, then said I'd be going upstairs to shower and take care of some emails about possibly going back to my old company. I said goodnight to nobody in particular, but only mom responded.

The following day, I was in the kitchen when I heard Savy say goodbye to mom and that she'd be back from the beach in the evening. I just put my head down and prepared for the day. 

Since I'd sold my old Toyota before moving to Spain, I needed to get a car. Mom and I drove into town and went to the same used car dealership we'd gotten my Toyota at years ago. Without too much hassle, I settled on a price with the salesman for a six year old pickup. I'd always wanted something a little more rugged and I was okay on money, so it wasn't a stretch of my budget.

I was going to follow mom home, but I stopped on the way and bought some supplies. Mom had wanted a walkway from the garage to the back patio for years. I loaded up my truck with stone pavers and sand before going back to the house.

I told mom my plan and she smiled, but looked concerned. I set to work. It took the rest of the day to strip the grass and dig down a few inches for the base. By the time it was too dark to keep working, I was exhausted again.

Savy came home a bit after sunset. I sat on the sun porch listening to the O's game while she and mom stayed inside. I closed my eyes and remembered back to that summer two years ago, when Savy and I barely spent a moment apart. I could still see her so clearly, smiling.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and mom was telling me the game was over. I went upstairs and took a quick shower before going to bed. When I walked past Savy's door, it was closed, but I could see light leaking out. I closed my eyes and sighed, then went into my room and closed my door.

Another day and I was back outside. This work was harder, laying the base and then carrying the stones. I was completely lost in my own world, when I heard Savy.

"Mike."

I stood up and faced her. That pain shot through me again. She was staring straight at me, but without the smile that I had lived for, or any emotion at all. Her face was completely blank.

"You need water."

She set a large plastic cup on the patio table.

"Thanks."

She was gone.

I took a long drink and then went back to work. By the end of the day, I was about 2/3 of the way done. Again, I ate dinner outside. Mom came out and sat with me, though. Savy didn't. After we ate, I helped mom clean up. She thanked me for everything I was doing around the house, but said I didn't have to kill myself. I told her that on the weekend, I'd be driving up to see Jeff and Mia, but I wanted to make sure the house was in good shape before I had to move back to the DC area.

When Saturday did roll around, I tossed an overnight bag into my truck and hit the road. A few hours later and I was pulling up to Jeff and Mia's new townhouse. I knocked on their door and Mia answered. She gave me a hug and welcomed me inside. Jeff was upstairs and gave me a quick hug, too.

After getting situated out on the back deck, Jeff started, "It's good to have you back, Mike."

Mia chipped in, "We really missed you. It just hasn't been the same."

And then I noticed it, Mia had a ring on her finger.

"You guys are engaged! Why didn't you tell me?"

Jeff laughed. "Well, it's pretty much a formality at this point, right?"

Mia taunted him. "It took you five damn years to propose!"

"When did this happen?"

Mia answered, "Earlier this spring. We wanted to tell you in person, especially because..."

Jeff finished, "... the wedding is in August and we want you to be my best man."

"Well... of course I will!"

This was great. I'd known Jeff and Mia would be together forever from the very first date. It just took 'em a while to make it official.

We stayed up half the night, them filling me in on various wedding details along with everything else they'd only covered superficially in emails. I gave them the full story of Spain.

Finally, Jeff asked, "Have you seen her?"

I knew exactly who he was talking about. "Yeah, she's at home for June with mom."

Mia quietly whispered, "What happened?"

I told them everything. Mia looked like she was about to cry. Jeff just sat in silence with a grim look on his face.

"It's my fault. I don't blame her for any of it." I sighed deeply. "It is what it is at this point. It's hard when you know you've let something get away..."

Jeff spoke up, "She'll forgive you some day. Before any of this happened, she was your sister and your friend. She's a good person and you two will get back to that."

It hurt to think that was the best case scenario.

We talked a bit longer before Mia showed me to the guest room and we turned in for the night. The next morning, Jeff and I were sitting around having coffee when he asked what I was going to do about work. I told him that it looked like I'd be able to go back to my old company and stay at Goddard, it would just be a more entry level position. Still, that was fine. I was grateful that I could do that much.

We hung out for the day before I took off to go back to Salisbury. The drive felt longer than any I had ever taken. I got back relatively late and after a quick chat with mom, I went to bed.

The next week was pretty much the same. I gave Savy space and mostly worked myself to exhaustion during the day before crashing and going to bed early. Still being on Spain time helped a bit. Savy mostly stayed inside or went out with her friends or mom. I would catch glimpses of her and my heart would break every time. 

I got word from my company that, thanks to a contract mod, I could start in two weeks. I had to find a place to live, though Jeff said I was more than welcome to stay with them while I looked. I didn't want to intrude as they were getting closer to their wedding day, so I made several trips to the area to look for apartments. I eventually settled on a one bedroom in Bowie. It would still be a reasonable drive to work and prices were a bit cheaper than closer in to College Park.

On the day I left home, mom sat down next to me outside and told me how much she loved me and how she knew everything would eventually work itself out. As I threw the last of my things in my truck, I saw Savy standing on the front porch. I watched as she slowly walked towards me. My heart started pounding against my chest.

When she reached me, her face softened for the first time since I'd been home. I wouldn't say there was an upturn of her mouth, certainly not a smile, but it softened just the tiniest amount.

"Good luck, Mike."

I wanted to cry, for everything I had lost and for everything that could have been.

"Thanks, Savy."

I got in my truck and crossed the bridge as the sun set in front of me.

It was dark when I got to my apartment and I unloaded my limited possessions. It was tremendously empty, the same way I'd lived before Savy and I got together. I said out loud to myself, "Fucking hell, Mike. You've gotta stop that." I couldn't keep comparing everything in my life to when we'd been together. It'd been a lot easier to distract myself from those thoughts when I was in Spain. Now, I had to learn to deal with it.

Over the next few days, I set about building my life anew again. I wasn't going to live without living, the way I had. I properly furnished my apartment with a bed, desk, sofa, coffee table, dining table, and various other things. That did put a bit of a dent in my finances, but I'd make it through until my first paycheck came in.

On my first day back, I spent the morning mostly getting introduced to the new team I'd be on. After lunch, a friendly and familiar face dropped by. Amy, my original civil servant, said that she'd heard I was back. We talked for a bit about how her program was going and how my year in Spain was. Before heading out the door, she said that she couldn't promise anything, but she'd do everything she could to get me back on her program. I was deeply appreciative that she kept that much faith in me, even after I'd left.

And that's how it was. Maybe I didn't get out of my apartment for things other than work as much as I should, but at least it wasn't because I was avoiding things. Still, I spent quite a bit of time with Jeff and Mia, as well as some of the guys as we planned Jeff's bachelor party. Of course, Jack Daniels wanted a stripper, telling Jeff, "You've been with Mia so long and are getting married, I don't want you forgetting what other women's tits look like!" Jeff firmly put a stop to that.

We ended up settling on a long weekend at the Outer Banks in a large house a block from the beach. It was a solid outing, with football on the beach during the day and bars at night. When we got back to Maryland, I dropped Jeff off at his townhouse with a simple, "Congrats, man. I'll see you on Friday."

After a short week of work, Jeff came over to spend the night before his wedding, away from Mia. We had a good conversation that night, reminiscing about a lot of times in college together. I made sure he got to sleep early enough that Mia wouldn't kill me for him having bags under his eyes on their wedding day.

We got up the next morning and had plenty of time to take it easy before having to get to the chapel on Maryland's campus. Before long, we were in our tuxedos and ready to step up for the ceremony. I gave him a handshake and a hug, then we walked out and waited at the altar, along with his two brothers.

I scanned the crowd and then... it was her.

I shouldn't have been surprised. Jeff and Mia had cared about Savy and had taken care of her. Of course she would be at their wedding. In fact, I guess I was a bit surprised that she wasn't one of Mia's bridesmaids. I could barely see her between the faces of other guests, as she sat in the third row.

She was so beautiful. Her hair was down, but pulled back with braids and clips. I'd be hard-pressed to describe it, other than to say it was complex and very attractive. And she was smiling, laughing even. I looked beside her and she was sitting next to a young man. That's who she was smiling and laughing with. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

And then she made eye contact with me. Her eyes focused on me and froze. Her smile left her face. I felt like my tie was strangling me and my mouth went dry.

And then music, "Canon in D".

I immediately snapped to. This day wasn't about me or anything I was going through. I turned and made eye contact with Jeff and nodded at him, smiling.

We turned to look down the aisle and after the flower girl started, Mia came into view. She was gorgeous and radiant, wearing a slim satin dress that flared around her feet. It was elegantly simple.

The ceremony wasn't long. Jeff and Mia's vows were written from their hearts and, of course, both of their mothers were crying. I think I even saw Jeff's dad shed a tear. When I was asked for Mia's ring, I briefly reached for the wrong pocket, setting off a round of chuckles before getting the ring into Jeff's hand.

And then they were down the aisle and we were all off to the reception while they posed for pictures at various places around campus. It gave me time to get to the reception hall early and make sure everything was situated in both the hall itself and in their back preparation room.

Guests started filtering in as I scurried about.

I froze when I saw Savy walk in, nearly dropping a glass I was holding. She was stunning in every way. I hadn't been able to see at the ceremony, but she was wearing a spectacular mint green dress. It was perfectly fitted for her body and floor length. She appeared to be gliding as she walked, her dress shimmering as light hit her at varying angles.




Mike & Savy Ch. 08



 Note to readers: This chapter covers the same time period and many of the same events as Chapter 7, but from Savy's point of view. 

*****

The last time I had seen Mike was a year and a half ago on that awful day in my dorm. Everything I had been through, everything I had worked past, came rushing back into me. And the most painful thought of them all.

"You left me."

His eyes dropped.

"I shouldn't have."

So many times I had thought of what I would say when I saw him again. What I would say when I needed him to knock on my door one more time and wrap his arms around me. When I was in so much pain and I blamed myself for everything. When I had started to heal. When I heard he was leaving for Spain.

Now he was in the same room as me and there was only one thing I could say.

"You left me."

I clenched my jaw to hold back tears. I stared at him as he stepped closer to me and I could feel the tears escaping. I watched as his hand reached across the counter. My knuckles were white from clenching so hard. His hand settled on top of mine, but I pulled my hand away.

He looked back up to me.

"I'm sorry."

I felt rage. I don't know what I expected or even wanted him to say, but hearing that he was sorry was too much. Not after what I had been through.

I felt my hand strike his face and he turned to the side at the impact.

"You don't get to say you're sorry. I blamed myself for you leaving. Now you want to come back and say you're sorry?"

I stepped away from him and he half-leaned, half-fell against the counter behind him.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him. All the times I had cried. The nights when I couldn't sleep. The days I couldn't eat. I saw it all on the lines of his face.

"Savy... I was an idiot. I have no excuses. Can we sit down and talk?"

No. We were beyond talking. There was nothing to say. He didn't just leave me, he went around the world to get away from me. He had asked me to marry him, made that promise to me. He had stood next to me when I was broken and promised he'd do anything for me. He'd said that as soon as I wanted him, he'd be there.

"What is there to say? What do you want from me? You want to come back and be my brother again? You want me to fall into your arms? You. Left. Me."

I couldn't face him anymore.

I turned and went upstairs to my room, counting every step and every breath until I closed my door.

I threw myself onto my bed. I didn't want to be so angry. I hated the feeling. I buried my face in my pillow and cried. Of all the things I had imagined for a year and a half, none had been that kind of anger and... hitting him. I couldn't imagine myself ever being that angry with him and then I saw him.

I was still crying when I fell asleep.

I woke up early the next morning, but I didn't want to go out and face him again. I was angry at him. I was angry at myself. I was embarrassed. I got out of bed and went to my computer. I turned it on, but as soon as it logged in to instant messenger, I closed the window. I didn't want to risk talking to Josh when I was like this and especially not having to lie to him about what I was going through.

When I finally emerged, I almost ran into Mike as he came up the stairs. I barely saw his face before I dropped my eyes to the floor and went straight to the bathroom. As soon as I was done, I went straight back to my bedroom.

I stayed in my room. I hated myself. I was hiding in my room and I was angry. I just... I couldn't control how I was feeling about this.

Later in the day, I heard mom call, "Savannah, lunch!"

I sighed and went downstairs. Mike and mom were out on the patio and there were hamburgers. I didn't say anything, but I watched Mike out of the corner of my eye.

Mom asked, "Are you going to sit with us?"

I answered her, "I'm talking with Josh." Did he tell her what had happened? What I had done?

She didn't say anything and I went back inside. 

I sat on my bed, trying to sort through everything in my head, everything I had talked about with Dr. Vargas. She had always emphasized how much the shock of what we had learned impacted our decisions, consciously and subconsciously.

Now Mike was back and I think the shock of seeing him again had jolted me incredibly hard. It was like the year and a half of healing I had worked so hard for was irrelevant. I was ashamed that I had let my shock get the better of me last night. I shouldn't have reacted to him the way I did.

But I knew my healing, perhaps incomplete, wasn't irrelevant. I had healed, as much as I could. I knew that I had made mistakes, so many mistakes. Recognizing those mistakes was a part of healing, as was moving past them and not letting them dictate my entire life.

I rested my chin on my knees and rocked slowly back and forth.

I heard a lawn mower rattle to life and I leaned over to look out my window. Mike was beginning to work his way back and forth across the yard.

I buried my face in my hands and pictured Josh, sitting and playing his cello as we practiced together. I got off my bed and pulled out my violin. I quietly played a few scales, but I wasn't able to transition into any songs. Nothing was speaking to me. I put it back down and went back to my bed with a book.

I spent the rest of the afternoon reading without actually focusing on the plot, periodically looking out the window as Mike worked back and forth across the yard doing various things.

In the early evening, I went downstairs and mom was starting to make dinner. 

"Hi, honey." She looked concerned and sad. "Are you okay?"

I went to her and she wrapped her arms around me. 

"I'll be fine."

I finished helping her with dinner and when we were done, she went outside. I watched as she walked across the yard and stood next to Mike. Their backs were to me, but eventually they both came to the patio. Mom came inside and fixed a plate, then took it outside and gave it to Mike. 

I took my own plate to the living room and sat on the sofa before turning on the Orioles game. Mom soon joined me, but didn't say anything. We watched the game without talking.

At some point, Mike came in and said goodnight, which mom returned.

I went to bed after the end of the game. When I got to my room, my phone was flashing with a notification. I had a text from Josh, "Miss you and love you."

I got up the next morning and logged onto my computer. Josh was online. I opened up a window and sent him a message.

"Hey, I'm going to the beach today with Mandy and Aly. I probably won't be back until tonight, but I'll talk to you then, okay?"

A few moments later, he responded.

"Sure thing. I'm jealous I won't get to see you laying out in the sun. ;-)"

"We'll go to the beach some day. It'll be fun."

"Okay, talk to you tonight. Love you."

"Love you too."

I logged off and put various things that I'd need in a bag. After I was packed, I texted Mandy to say I'd be there to pick her up in 20 minutes. I went downstairs and said goodbye to mom, before going out and getting in my car.

When we got to Ocean City, we texted Aly to find out where she was. She and her boyfriend were already on the beach, so Mandy and I parked and walked out to find them.

This was the first time I'd been able to see them since coming back from College Park, so we had a lot of catching up to do. They were fascinated hearing about the various performances I had been in, even though I'd already emailed them about most of the concerts. We ate lunch at a boardwalk restaurant and walked around a bit, before a second session of sunning ourselves on the beach.

By the time I had gotten back to Salisbury and dropped off Mandy at her parents' place, it was mostly dark. I crashed on the sofa and told mom about the day before going upstairs.

I logged onto my computer and Josh was online. We chatted for a bit about the day, him asking me about Ocean City and me asking him how things were going in North Carolina. Eventually, I was too tired from spending the day in the sun and said goodnight.

The following day, I was in my room, going back and forth between talking with various friends online and reading. When I sat on my bed, I could see that Mike had been working on building a path from the garage to the patio. I could see that he was drenched in sweat from the combination of the work and the 95 degree heat.

I knew what he was doing. He'd always been very helpful around the house, but not like this. He was overworking himself because of how I had treated him. I felt guilty for that.

I went downstairs and into the kitchen. I grabbed a large plastic cup, one of the various ones we'd collected from Orioles or Shorebirds games, and filled it with ice water. I took it outside.

Mike was completely engrossed in his work. His back was to me as he was spreading sand on the ground and placing stones. Even from several yards away, I could hear him breathing hard.

"Mike."

He turned his head, looking over his shoulder, then stood up and faced me. His face was covered in sweat and dirt. He had on an old hat to keep his hair out of his eyes. He looked a lot like he did two years ago when we spent so much time together and had worked in the yard together, except he looked more tired, weary.

"You need water."

I held up the cup, then set it on the patio table.

As I was walking back inside, I heard him thank me.

That night, mom sat with Mike out back while they ate dinner. I ate at my desk, talking with Josh online. I told him that my brother had come back from Spain, but when Josh asked questions about it, I dodged them and said that Mike and I really hadn't had much time to talk.

I spent the next two days going out with Mandy, either spending time at her house or window shopping around Salisbury. I didn't want to stay cooped up in my room, but I wasn't ready to face Mike again. When the weekend came, mom said that Mike had gone to visit with Jeff and Mia. I took the opportunity to play my violin more freely, either on the sun porch or out in the yard.

At one point, I walked across the new path that Mike had built. I looked down at my bare feet on the stones and felt a wave of guilt.

The next week passed in a similar fashion. Mike was avoiding me and I didn't blame him, since I was avoiding him, too. Here we were, back in the same place after so much time and we couldn't even talk to each other. I wondered if we had missed our chance to try and work through it, to be a family again. He had tried, but I had responded with pure hostility.

I spent a lot of time talking with Josh, but it was a bit weird. We never had any issues finding things to share with each other when we were on campus. Now that we were separated, we mostly just talked about random nothings. Still, it was comforting whenever I sat down and saw a message from him. Knowing that he was missing me or thinking about me, and especially that we'd be back at Maryland relatively soon, was soothing.

One day, I noticed that Mike wasn't around. I asked mom and she said that he was across the Bay, looking for an apartment. He'd be going back to NASA and needed to find a place to live. I briefly thought back to his old apartment, which had been, for a short time, our apartment.

A few days later and I was in the kitchen when I heard Mike telling mom that he had signed a lease for a place in Bowie. He'd be gone again soon, almost like he was moving back to Spain. I wondered if that would actually be for the best.

It was a Saturday when Mike was leaving to move to Bowie. I watched from my window as he packed his things into his truck. I went downstairs.

Mike had his back turned to me when I stepped out the front door onto the porch. When he turned back and saw me, I walked across the path to him.

I wasn't angry anymore, other than my internal anger at myself for how I had reacted to him coming back. I didn't want to hurt him, but I also didn't know how we could get back to when he was my big brother, always there for me. I was a different person now than when that had been the case. Combined with the experiences we'd had, together and apart, maybe it wasn't possible to get back there. Maybe the best we could be was how Michael Collins once described himself, Neil Armstrong, and Buzz Aldrin... amiable strangers.

When I was in front of him, I watched for a moment as his eyes flickered back and forth, searching my own eyes. He wouldn't say anything and I knew why. He didn't want to anger me. Even after all I'd done to him, he was still concerned about me.

"Good luck, Mike."

His face relaxed just the tiniest bit, like he'd been expecting me to say something awful and was surprised that I hadn't.

"Thanks, Savy."

I went back inside as he pulled out of the driveway.

When I was back in the house, I went to the kitchen to get some tea. Mom came up behind me and rested her hand on my back.

"It took a long time for you both to heal while you were apart. This will take time, too."

I turned and hugged her before returning to my room. I played my violin and my mind could focus on music, but my choices were rather melancholy.

Over the next few days, I did eventually start to focus on the positives in my life again. Josh. Violin. Moving into an apartment with Maria. Starting my junior year. I still thought about Mike, but mom was right, this would all take time.

At the end of the month, mom and I packed everything I owned except for furniture into our two cars and drove to College Park. The first time I turned the key and entered my new apartment was an incredible experience. It's one of those fun moments in life, much like your first day of high school, first day of college, or first job. It's a simple thing, but feels like it's a world of possibilities. 

Later, mom and I went to buy some simple furniture for my bedroom. She left me with some more spending money, despite my insistence that it wasn't necessary, to help furnish the living room once Maria got there. She said that since my tuition was covered by my scholarship now, having some extra cash for living wasn't a problem.

After Maria moved in, the two of us reveled in our newfound sense of freedom. We did so many new things together, including buying furniture, our first trip to the grocery store, and settling into a routine of living in an apartment with all the associated chores and responsibilities.

In mid-July, Josh moved back. He was going to be living on campus again for his junior year. I had asked Maria how she felt about him staying over nights at the apartment. She said that it was fine, since he was a clean guy and would contribute to things like the food budget, as long as she didn't hear anything.

The first day he was back, I walked over to campus and met him at his new dorm. We ate lunch at the union before walking to my apartment. Once inside, we curled up on the couch and watched a movie. It felt good to be in his arms again, where everything else in the world didn't matter.

That night, he stayed over.

On nights when we had practice sessions at the performing arts center, we stayed on campus at his dorm, since it was a more convenient walk and his roommate wouldn't be on campus until the fall semester. On other nights and weekends, we would go back to my apartment just off campus and either hang out with Maria if she were there or enjoy being back together if she wasn't.

The summer seemed to be passing by too quickly. Without any classes related to biology, my days were filled with music and Josh. We could work together, either in practice sessions or in my apartment, trying new combinations of music or perfecting specific pieces that we knew Max wanted us to play. And we had more free time to simply be back together after a month apart. When it wasn't insanely hot, we could get lunch and eat on the mall or simply walk around campus.

Unfortunately, we did have our first fight as a couple one day. We were walking out of the union and to the mall when Josh suggested that we sit by the fountain, since the water would make it a bit cooler. I asked if we could sit under some trees on the side instead. I don't know how it got out of control, but before I knew it, I was upset that he was trying to push something onto me that I didn't want and he was pissed that I was being unreasonable about not wanting to do something so benign. I just... didn't want to be by the fountain.

We ended up spending that night apart, the first since we'd returned to campus that we weren't together. The next morning, Josh called me, which was unusual because we usually talked online or texted if we weren't together. He apologized, as did I, and the matter was quickly dropped.

In August, it was time for Jeff and Mia's wedding. A week beforehand, mom drove up on a Saturday and I met her in Annapolis to go shopping for a dress. She was spoiling me, which I felt guilty about, but she insisted that the money was no problem. 

After a day of window shopping, I settled on a long mint green gown. It was somewhat tight, but accented my hips and my breasts. The front was fairly conservative, with a straight collar across my neck, but the rear was completely open down to the small of my back. It was a style I'd really come to love since mom bought me the gown for my first concert. Josh never ceased to compliment me on the look or lightly run his fingers across my bare back when I wore such a dress, which sent shivers up my spine.

On the day of the wedding, I went to a hair stylist near campus to do something special and unique, at mom's insistence. The stylist loved the length of my hair. She created multiple braids on each side of my head before pulling everything back. She clipped my remaining free hair, so that it would hang between my shoulder blades, then wove the various braids in and out, creating a laced pattern that pulled around the side of my head and then fell down my back. I sent mom a picture and she simply responded, "Spectacular!"

Josh drove to my apartment to pick me up and then we made the short drive to the chapel on campus. We walked in together, hand in hand, and were shown to our seats near the front. I felt honored that Jeff and Mia had wanted us to sit so close to the front.

While we waited for the ceremony to start, we talked about how beautiful the chapel looked and how special it must be for two Maryland graduates to get married on the campus where they met. Josh was also tickling me a bit, making me smile and laugh. He had just leaned over and kissed me on the cheek when I saw that Jeff had taken his place at the altar to wait for Mia.

Next to him was Mike.

He was looking directly at me. Our eyes only met for a brief second and then I heard Pachelbel. Mike's eyes left mine. I watched as he turned and smiled at Jeff, then the two of them looked down the aisle.

Everyone in the audience turned too, but I was focused on Mike. He looked incredibly good in his tuxedo, which was perfectly fitted to his broad shoulders and trim waist. His hair had its typical rustled, but attractively so, appearance, falling around the sides of his face. All of the men in the wedding party had red kerchiefs in their breast pocket, except for Jeff who had a gold one. 

I finally turned and saw the flower girl walking about halfway down the aisle, then a delighted gasp as Mia came into view. She wore a spectacular satin mermaid dress, without much lace or adornment. It was simple and gorgeous. She looked incredible and so happy. I peaked back and Jeff and he had a stunned smile on his face. They were so incredibly in love and this was their perfect day.

As she reached the altar and stood across from Jeff, I felt Josh squeeze my hand. I looked at him and he smiled at me, with that sheepish lopsided grin of his that was so adorable.

The ceremony was simple and beautiful. Jeff and Mia's vows made almost everyone in the audience cry, including myself. We stood and applauded after they'd exchanged rings and a kiss and were making their way down the aisle, as husband and wife.




Mike & Savy Ch. 09



 Note to readers: This chapter is from Mike's point of view.

*****

There was no ring on her finger.

I looked back up at her face.

"Mike, I told him no."

I involuntarily clasped my hands in front of my face. I didn't know what to say.

My throat was completely dry and my voice hoarse, "Why?"

"I loved Josh. I still do, in a certain way, and he'll always be special to me. I didn't fully realize it until he set the ring in front of me, but I wasn't meant to be with him."

I was in complete shock. For six months, I'd seen the two of them together and I had completely resigned myself to their relationship. I even expected that he might propose to her. I hadn't needed even five minutes to know I wanted to marry her; they'd been together for a year. 

But she said no...

"Mike, I'm so sorry for how I've treated you. You gave me so much happiness and then, after we learned the truth, I did nothing but hurt you. I understand why you left that night. I was in shock when I left my ring on your bed, but that's no excuse. You had every right to leave.

"And when you came back to me, I wanted so desperately to tell you to stay, but I couldn't get the words out. You told me you loved me and still wanted to spend your life with me and I couldn't say a single word. 'Stay.' I'm so sorry."

Why was she saying this? 

"You gave me months and months. I could have said one word and I know you would have come back to me. It's my fault, Mike. I don't blame you at all for leaving and going to Spain."

I shouldn't have left. I should have stayed and waited. I was hurting, Savy, but I should have waited a lifetime for you.

"And when you came back, I was callous and vicious towards you. We hadn't seen each other for a year and a half and that was how I treated to you."

She reached out across the table and brushed her delicate fingers against my cheek. I was on the verge of hyperventilating. All of the hurt that we had both been through for two years...

"Despite all of that, you've been there for me. You've always been there for me, even when I stupidly thought you weren't. You came to see me perform. You were there even when I was with Josh and I know that couldn't have been easy for you. You didn't say anything, you were just there for me."

I could barely whisper. "Savy... what are you saying?"

She smiled softly at me.

"Mike, I love you. I never stopped loving you. I hid it from myself and pushed it so far down that I could pretend I had moved on, but I can't be with anybody else. I'm sorry that it took me so long to see it."

She... still loves me. 

"I've done so much to hurt you. I'm damaged goods. You don't have to say anything to me. I don't expect anything from you. I just need for you to be happy. I've been hurting you for so long and I don't want to ever hurt you again."

She got up and stood next to the table. My eyes followed her, from her bare left hand, up to her face.

"You told me you'd always be there for me and you have been, even when I didn't see it. I love you and I will always be there for you from now on. I'm so sorry that I haven't been. I know that all of this is too much right now. I'll wait for you, whether it's tomorrow, next week, or next year. As soon as you're ready and know what you want, what will make you happy, I'll do everything I can to make it happen."

She bent down and pressed her lips against my forehead. I closed my eyes. I missed her so much and now she was telling me that she still loves me, that she can't be with anyone other than me.

When I opened them, she was walking towards the door.

Savy...

No! I'm not letting you go again.

I got up and reached into my pocket, throwing down whatever cash I had pulled out onto the table. I turned in time to see her push open the door. I took off across the floor and slammed into the door, throwing it open.

"Savy!"

She stopped and turned to face me, her eyes widening as I burst through the door. I closed the space between us in just a couple strides. Barely slowing down, I threw my arms out in front of me and reached around her waist, picking up her petite frame and pulling her to me. Her arms closed around the back of my neck.

I held her to me.

My face was buried against her cheek. I squeezed my eyes shut, remembering the feeling of holding her, knowing that I was the one she loved. Now I was holding her again.

"Savy, I love you."

"I love you, too, Mike."

I held her with my heart pounding in my chest. Was it even an hour ago that I sat down, expecting to hear that I'd lost her forever? It didn't matter. None of it mattered. She was in my arms again.

I wanted to hold her forever, but I reluctantly set her down. She leaned just far enough away that I could focus on her. She was crying, but with a smile. She reached up and touched my cheek, holding her palm against my skin.

"Where do you want to go now?" Savy asked.

"With you."

She never stopped smiling. She slid her hand into mine and turned. We walked together.

She lead me a short distance and then we went into an apartment building. We rode the elevator in silence. Her hands were incredibly cold from being outside. I pulled her hand up to my lips and blew warm air onto her skin. On the 6th floor, she stepped out of the elevator first. I followed her, never letting go of her hand, as she went to a door and unlocked it. I stepped into her apartment behind her and closed the door.

Savy turned and I took her into my arms. I was almost scared that if I let go of her, she'd disappear from my life again.

"Savy, I love you. I'm so sorry I left."

If I had just stayed, if I had just waited, if I had been there for her, maybe I could have saved us two years apart. We could have been together. Where would we be now?

She pulled away from me slightly, but took my hand and then lead me to the couch. I sat next to her and she turned to face me, sitting cross-legged and holding my hand in her lap.

"Mike, I need you to listen to me. I meant what I said. It wasn't your fault and I don't blame you. I pushed you away and I hurt you so badly. I don't know how you could ever forgive me... how you could ever love me again."

I leaned closer to her and pressed my forehead to hers.

"I never stopped loving you."

She tilted her chin up and kissed me. Her lips pressed against mine. 

Our last kiss had been the night before Thanksgiving, the night I had proposed to her. We stood beside my car and I held her in my arms, then she kissed me. We were starting the rest of our lives together.

Two years.

I reached my arms around her and pulled her onto my lap. When our lips separated, she buried her face between my neck and shoulder. I simply held her, with my heart pounding in my chest. Time passed, but I don't know if it was minutes or an hour. I was only aware of her in my arms and her warm breath on my skin.

I had been so close to losing her forever.

"Savy..."

"Mike?"

"You're okay... that I'm your brother and you're my sister?"

"You were right when you said that you were always my brother, whether we shared DNA or not. You're my brother and the love of my life. You're everything to me and I love you more because of it."

"This isn't going to be easy."

"I know..."

I felt her lift her head and I looked down into her wonderful dark eyes. She reached up and brushed my hair behind my ear.

"... but we'll get through everything together now."

"Always."

I leaned down and kissed her again. I had so missed the feeling of her soft, full lips... the connection between us. She was the absolute love of my life.

Eventually, I came down from the adrenaline rush of regaining everything that I had ever wanted in life and I fell asleep.

When I woke up, we were laying on the sofa facing each other, with her cheek pressed against my chest. I could smell the wonderful fragrance of her hair and feel the gentle rise and fall of her breathing against me. I waited for her, reveling in the feeling of holding her in my arms again.

She woke up when I heard keys jingling and unlocking the door. I looked down and her eyes were focused on mine. She had a soft smile on her face, as much with her eyes as with her lips. 

I heard the rustling of plastic bags and then Maria's voice. "Savannah, are you back?"

She kissed me quickly and sat up to look over the back of the sofa at the front door.

Maria saw her and asked, "Oh, hey there... how did it go? Are you okay?"

Savy took hold of my hand and gently pulled. I sat up next to her and looked at Maria.

"Mike!"

"Uh... hey."

Savy answered Maria's question, "Things went... okay," and then she blushed as she made eye contact with me.

She stood up and kissed me on the forehead, before going to Maria and taking her hand, pulling her into the kitchen. I couldn't tell what they were saying with hushed voices, but when they came back out, Maria simply smiled and said, "I'm happy for you... for both of you."

I noticed it was completely dark outside now and I was hungry. Savy must have been thinking the same thing, because she asked Maria if she wanted to order a pizza with us. Maria, being always polite, said that she didn't want to intrude, but we convinced her that we wanted her to hang out with us. I was extremely grateful that with everything Savy had been through, all the changes in her life, that Maria had always been there for her.

Once the pizza arrived, we sat and ate together. We talked about how things were going for Maria, what Savy was going to be doing in the music program going forward, and what I'd been working on at work. 

It was amazing to me how quickly my entire life could turn around. In the span of hours, I had gone from absolute despair to sitting and having a normal conversation, with Savy by my side, like the last two years had never happened.

After dinner, Maria again said she was happy for us and retired to her bedroom. Savy and I went back to sitting on the sofa. She leaned against me, with her arm wrapped in mine and our fingers intertwined. I stared at the delicate lines of her fingers as I lightly rubbed them with my own.

We had so much to talk about, so much had happened, but for tonight, I just wanted to be with her again. The stabbing pain that had been with me every time I had seen her since I came back from Spain was now just a small knot... the fear that I could lose her again. I hoped even that would go away. Until it did, sitting with her, feeling her skin and hearing her breathing was healing me.

When I just couldn't help myself, I would glance at her, following the contours of her face with my eyes, seeing and memorizing the incredibly subtle changes that had occurred since I'd last been able to truly see her. When I had fallen in love with her, she had been stunningly beautiful, of course, in a slightly girlish way. I'm sure that the actual physical changes were miniscule, if any existed at all, but knowing what we had been through, she now had a certain maturity. She was perfect.

Eventually, I could feel myself drifting and I had to say words that I dreaded.

"Savy, you've made me... unbelievably happy today. You're everything to me, but I think we need to go slow... learn who we are together again. I should probably get going."

She held my eyes and looked frightened.

"No, please stay. Don't go."

"I want to stay, but I don't want you to be uncom..."

She clutched me to her.

"No, stay. Please. Even if you stay here on the couch, just don't go. I want to know you'll be here in the morning."

Her voice trembled and she was on the verge of tears. Had I done this to her? Was she scared that I would leave her again?

"Okay, I won't go. Savy..."

I tilted her chin up until we were looking into each other's eyes.

"... I'll never leave you. Never again."

I squeezed her tight until she relaxed in my arms. When she did, I kissed her and got up and went to the bathroom. When I finished and went back to the living room, she wasn't there, but she quickly returned carrying sheets, a pillow, and a blanket. After she set them down, I embraced her and rested my chin on her head.

"I'm here for you, always."

"I'm sorry. I just... I just..."

"It's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Mike."

She looked up at me and I kissed her again before she turned and I lost sight of her as she went to her room.

I made a simple bed for myself on the sofa and laid down. I wasn't feeling tired anymore. I just laid and stared at the ceiling, thinking about the past twenty-four hours, the past six months, the past two years.

I had been into the absolute darkest place, expecting to hear the love of my life tell me that she was going to marry someone else. Right before I fell into a void that I could never escape, she pulled me back out. She was back in my life, not just as my sister, but as my Savy. Again.

Yet in the darkness of the room, I couldn't completely suppress that little knot in my stomach that remained after the stabbing pain had gone. I was terrified that I would do something to lose her. That she would be ripped out of my arms, out of my life, again. What if she came to regret saying no to Josh and she blamed me? I could barely survive the thought of it, much less if it came to pass.

Don't do this, Mike. You can't live your life in fear. Part of loving someone is giving yourself over to them, even in the face of possibly losing them. Beyond that, she's hurting so badly. Whatever happens to me is irrelevant, I have to be there for her. Her happiness is all that matters. I have to help her heal.

When exhaustion finally overtook me and I closed my eyes, I saw her. She was smiling... at me.

I woke up slowly the next morning. It was light out, but not bright. It might still be slightly before full sunrise. 

I lifted my head and then I saw her. Savy was sitting on the floor leaning against the sofa, her head resting on the cushion near my knees. She was sleeping.

I carefully sat up and reached under her arms, gently pulling her up to me. I laid down with her beside me and wrapped the blanket around us. She pressed herself into my embrace, but I couldn't tell if she had fully woken up. I whispered to her.

"I'm here, Savy. I love you. I won't leave you."

Eventually, I felt her body and her breathing relax. I drifted into a light sleep.

When I awoke again, Savy had moved up a bit and her lips were lightly pressing against my chin. I turned my head and pressed my lips to hers. I could feel her smiling through our kiss.

"When did you come out here?"

"I... don't know. It was still dark. I just... I wanted to be near you. Please don't be angry."

"How could I be angry? I'm here for you. I love having you next to me. I love you."

I enclosed her in my arms and gently rubbed her back.

"I love you, Mike. I'm so sorry."

"Savy, please forgive yourself. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Do you forgive me?"

"Of course I do. It's okay. We're here now, together."

We lay in each other's arms until I saw Maria come out. She saw us, but didn't say anything before going into the kitchen. She briefly popped her head out and held up a coffee pot and I nodded at her. Quickly, the apartment was filled with the aroma of brewing coffee.

Savy wiped her eyes and looked up at me. "Oh, Maria must be up."

"Yup. So, how do you want to spend the day?"

"With you."

"That sounds exactly like what I planned."

She put her hand behind my head and pulled me to her, giving me a kiss. She then sat up and went into the kitchen. When she came back, she had two mugs of coffee and Maria was following her. I quickly sat up myself.

Maria touched Savy's arm and whispered, "Take your time," and then disappeared down the hall. Savy put the two cups on the table and sat down next to me. We sat sipping coffee and watching the day slowly get brighter.

After we had each had a second cup, Savy was resting her head on my shoulder and asked me, "Will you stay here tonight?"

"Of course. I'll need to get some things from my apartment, though."

"Okay. I need to call mom. She's been emailing me about my trip to North Carolina. I should let her know what happened."

"Are you going to tell her about us?"

She looked up at me.

"Not yet. I want to. I want to tell everyone about us, but I think she'll be shocked enough that Josh and I aren't together. I don't think she can handle everything at once."

"You're right."

I slowly got to my feet, a little sore from sleeping on the sofa. I grabbed my keys and wallet off of the table and Savy stood up to say goodbye to me at the door. She hugged me and then rested her chin on my chest, looking up with her gorgeous eyes. I gave her a quick peck on the lips, then kissed her forehead.

"Mike, bring everything you need for the week. I don't want to spend a night without you."

"Alright. I love you. I'll be back soon."

"Okay. I love you, too."

Back in my truck, I pulled onto Route 1 and was quickly on the Beltway. I drove slower than normal, hanging in the right line while I let my mind wander. I was doing my best to keep myself from racing. I wanted to be back to exactly where we were when I had proposed to her, but it would take time. I knew that I needed to tell her about Spain, I just hoped that she wouldn't hate me for leaving and having a relationship with Ana.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I actually missed my exit off of Route 50 and had to take a somewhat more circuitous route back to my apartment. Inside, I grabbed one of my larger dufflebags and started collecting the various things I'd need for the week. Right before I walked out the door, I stopped and set my bag down. I went back into my room and opened a drawer in my desk, pulling out a small box.

I flipped open the lid and looked at Savy's ring.

I sat down on the floor, with my back leaning against my bed, and I cried. I was so completely overwhelmed with emotion from the journey of where I had been to where I was now. 

I had been completely engrossed in school and work, with my personal life barely an afterthought. Then Savy had come to me and we had found each other in a way neither of us had expected. Suddenly, it was all ripped away and instead of working through it, I had shut down and then run away. I don't know if I had actually healed in Spain or just had a sort of superficial healing, but I remember sitting in the cafe by the sea and closing my eyes. I could see Savy so clearly. I had to go home and face her.

I gave up my new life to go home to my old life, to the heartache and the pain. I had thought that losing her was the worst thing that could happen to me, but then I saw that she had moved on. She was successful and happy, without me. Over the months, I don't know if I had shut down again or was trying to process all of it, but I refused to let her see. Her happiness was my only priority.

And then, she came back to me. I don't know how or why, but she loved me and was in my arms again.

I collected myself and went into the bathroom to splash water on my face. I put on my coat and slipped the box into my pocket, then picked up my bag and went outside to my truck. I was going back to Savy. She was all I needed in life.

Before getting back on the highway, I stopped at a grocery store. I wandered through the aisles, not entirely sure what I was looking for. Eventually though, I had all of the ingredients for lasagna in my basket. When I went to check out, I stopped and picked up a small bouquet of flowers for Savy.

Half an hour later, I was knocking on Savy's door. She opened the door for me and as I walked in, I held up the flowers for her. She broke into an ear-to-ear smile and reached inside my coat, sliding her arms around my back.

After putting the groceries away, we sat together and I asked her, "How did your call with mom go?"




Mike & Savy Ch. 10



 Note to readers: This chapter is from Savy's point of view and covers the same time period and events as Chapter 9.

*****

Mike's eyes came back up to mine, wide open and questioning me, searching back and forth across my face.

"Mike, I told him no."

His look turned to complete shock and he brought his hands to his face. The restaurant wasn't overly loud, but I could still barely hear him. 

"Why?"

I had been thinking about what to say for a week now. No words seemed appropriate for what I had to tell him, for all of the pain I had put him through. I could only tell him what I had been through, how I had come to this point.

"I loved Josh. I still do, in a certain way, and he'll always be special to me. I didn't fully realize it until he set the ring in front of me, but I wasn't meant to be with him."

It had been just a week ago. I could still see the look on his face, hope, when he opened the box holding his grandmother's ring, and then how quickly that hope had disappeared, turned to pain and anger, when I answered him. He didn't deserve to have that happen to him.

But I had to do it. I couldn't tell him yes. I couldn't agree to marry him when I knew that Mike was the only person I could ever spend my life with. I just didn't know if he could ever feel the same way about me again. It was a chance I had to take. 

But before I could even think about that, about whether he could ever love me again, I was so ashamed of what I had done to him.

"Mike, I'm so sorry for how I've treated you."

All I could do now was be honest, to Mike and to myself.

"You gave me so much happiness and then, after we learned the truth, I did nothing but hurt you. I understand why you left that night. I was in shock when I left my ring on your bed, but that's no excuse."

My ring... you asked me to marry you and I said yes. There was no doubt in my mind when you slid your ring, my ring, onto my finger. I can still see it...

"You had every right to leave."

How could I have done that to you? Even if I was in shock, how could that have been my response? You had made a lifelong promise to me and... I failed you.

"And when you came back to me, I wanted so desperately to tell you to stay, but I couldn't get the words out. You told me you loved me and still wanted to spend your life with me and I couldn't say a single word. 'Stay.' I'm so sorry."

All of the pain that I caused you, for two years, the pain I had now caused Josh, all of it could have been avoided if I had taken your hand or said a single word. You didn't ask me to do the impossible, to ignore everything we had learned. You just asked me to try.

"You gave me months and months. I could have said one word and I know you would have come back to me."

I hid from you and I am ashamed.

"It's my fault, Mike. I don't blame you at all for leaving and going to Spain."

I didn't tell you to leave, but all of my actions did. I can't believe you ever came back.

"And when you came back, I was callous and vicious towards you. We hadn't seen each other for a year and a half and that was how I treated you."

I touched his cheek softly. The memory of feeling my hand slapping his face, the sting of the contact, was too much. 

Please forgive me.

"Despite all of that, you've been there for me. You've always been there for me, even when I stupidly thought you weren't."

You had been there for my entire life, why would I have thought for a moment that you weren't?

"You came to see my performance."

I should have invited you. You opened the door for us. After all that I had done, you opened the door.

"You were there even when I was with Josh and I know that couldn't have been easy for you. You didn't say anything, you were just there for me."

Maybe you had already let me go. I wouldn't blame you. I did nothing to warrant your love. But even then, you were there for me, as my brother.

I could see the hurt on his face. Everything I had done to cause him pain for two years was written there.

From behind his hands, he asked, "Savy... what are you saying?"

I breathed deeply. Telling Mike that I was sorry for how I had treated him was only half of what I had to say. Now came the hard part. Would he hate me? Would he push me away the way I had pushed him away? I deserved it. Could he even possibly still feel something for me?

No matter what, I wouldn't hide from him or myself anymore.

"Mike, I love you. I never stopped loving you. I hid it from myself and pushed it so far down that I could pretend I had moved on, but I can't be with anybody else. I'm sorry that it took me so long to see it."

I studied him, watching every movement. I could see his knuckles turn white as his fingers clasped each other tightly before relaxing and squeezing again. His eyes blinked rapidly and I could see the muscles of his jaw clench, too.

"I've done so much to hurt you. I'm damaged goods. You don't have to say anything to me. I don't expect anything from you. I just need for you to be happy. I've been hurting you for so long and I don't want to ever hurt you again."

I stood up and moved next to him. I was on the verge of breaking down after pouring my heart out to him. 

"You told me you'd always be there for me and you have been, even when I didn't see it. I love you and I will always be there for you from now on. I'm so sorry that I haven't been."

I expected him to interrupt me at any moment, to cut me off and say, "No. I don't love you anymore, not after what you did to me." He just sat in silence and it was killing me. I couldn't expect him to have any response to what I was saying. I must sound insane to him.

"I know that all of this is too much right now. I'll wait for you, whether it's tomorrow, next week, or next year. As soon as you're ready and know what you want, what will make you happy, I'll do everything I can to make it happen."

I love you, Mike. If I can't make you happy, I hope you find someone who can. I need you to be happy again. I miss your smile.

He was looking up at me with those beautiful blue and green eyes. I leaned down and kissed his forehead, holding my lips against him and hoping it wouldn't be the last time.

I had to go. I wanted to think, if just for a day, that he could possibly love me again. I didn't deserve even that much, but rejection today, now, would destroy me.

I set my sights on the door.

I stepped outside and felt the cold January air on my face. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my red Maryland knit hat and pulled it on, then down over my ears. My eyes locked onto the ground, ready to walk home and wait, an unbearable wait...

I heard a loud crash behind me and turned just in time to see Mike come barreling through the door. No, no, no... just a few more minutes of hope, please.

He didn't slow down as he approached me, with a look that I can only describe as determination. I watched as his hands moved up in front of his body.

And then his arms were around my back and he was lifting me off my feet, holding me, squeezing me to him.

Mike...

"Savy, I love you."

He... he loves me.

"I love you, too, Mike."

I squeezed my eyes tight as tears started to flow. After all that I had done to him, he loves me. I could feel it in his embrace, in his cheek pressed against mine.

I had been nearly paralyzed with fear, thinking of what he might say to me, but I had to tell him. Running away, hiding... all it had done was cause pain. I had to tell him. 

He had been such a good brother to me since he'd come back and I had hoped that telling him I still loved him wouldn't ruin that. Maybe he'd tell me that we couldn't be together, but he'd still support me as my brother. I hoped against hope that he might have some small love for me that, with time, could possibly grow again.

Here I am, in his arms. 

Please don't ever let me go.

He set me down, but kept his hands on my hips. I couldn't stop crying from how happy I was. My Mike. My handsome, wonderful, loving Mike.

I wanted to feel his skin again. I reached up and touched his cheek, my fingers tracing the contours of his face.

"Where do you want to go now?" I wasn't just asking for the next five minutes, I was asking for a lifetime.

"With you."

Thank you. I love you. I will always be with you.

I slid my hand into his and pulled him gently with me. We walked together and I pressed myself against his arm, where I belonged. Within minutes, we were inside my apartment building and heading upstairs. I lead Mike into my apartment, or more accurately, something I had never called it before he had been there: home.

As soon as the door closed, he wrapped his arms around me again. His body was warm and as he pulled me tightly to him, I could feel his heartbeat.

"Savy, I love you. I'm so sorry I left."

No, Mike... it's not your fault. I need you to see that.

I took Mike's hand and lead him into the living room, sitting down on the couch. I pulled my legs up to me and faced him directly, never letting go of his hand.

"Mike, I need you to listen to me. I meant what I said. It wasn't your fault and I don't blame you. I pushed you away and I hurt you so badly. I don't know how you could ever forgive me..."

I could never forgive myself for what I had done.

"... how you could ever love me again."

I dropped my eyes to see his hand in mine. The two of my hands together barely wrapped around his. I loved him, more than I thought was humanly possible. I couldn't bear the thought that he blamed himself for my mistakes.

I felt him move closer to me and press his forehead to mine.

Oh, Mike... I missed you.

He spoke quietly and gently, but with incredible impact, "I never stopped loving you."

I didn't know how he could love me that much, but it was everything I needed to hear.

My lips found his and I was kissing my Mike again, for the first time in over two years. The same electricity that I had felt every time I had kissed him since the first, the same feeling of my body melting to his, it was all still there.

I felt his arms move around me and pull me to him. We sat together I pressed myself to his chest, burying my face in his neck, listening to him breathing. I had almost lost him forever.

"Savy..."

I loved that he was the only one who called me Savy.

"Mike?"

"You're okay... that I'm your brother and you're my sister?"

Yes. I should have been from the beginning. I'm sorry I let myself be overcome.

"You were right when you said that you were always my brother, whether we shared DNA or not. You're my brother and the love of my life. You're everything to me and I love you more because of it."

"This isn't going to be easy."

"I know..."

Mom. Josh. Our time apart. Our friends? I couldn't begin to list the number of issues we'd have to deal with. It wouldn't matter, as long as Mike was by my side.

I looked up to him and brushed hair behind his ear. I loved how he tilted his head and pushed against my hand as I did it, like he needed to feel my touch.

"... but we'll get through everything together now."

And he said what I needed more than anything in the world.

"Always."

As I looked up at him, he leaned down and kissed me.

I pressed my head against his chest. At first, his heart was racing, but I could feel it slowing until his body was calm, matched by his breathing. I discreetly looked up and his eyes were closed.

I waited quite awhile until I was sure that he was asleep. I watched him while I waited, the peaceful look on his face that completely soothed every fear and worry that had been running wild through me. I hoped that I would never hurt him again and only make him happy. I'd do everything that I could for him.

When I was satisfied that he was completely asleep, I carefully moved away from him for a moment. I took off his shoes and slowly pulled his legs up, causing his body to slide down until he was laying on the sofa. I slid next to him and pulled his arm around me. I pressed myself to him and lay my ear against his chest, listening to him again. My own breathing and heartbeat slowed to match his and I fell asleep in my Mike's arms.

I heard keys jingling and I woke up. Maria must be getting back. When I tipped my head just far enough up that I could see Mike's face, his eyes were on me.

I heard Maria, "Savannah, are you back?"

I lifted my head up until I could feel my lips on Mike's again, then pulled myself up completely until I could see over the back of the couch.

Maria looked at me and said, "Oh, hey there... how did it go? Are you okay?"

I smiled at her. I wanted her to see just how well it went. I wrapped my fingers around Mike's hand and pulled. He sat up and turned to see Maria.

"Mike!"

She looked completely confused and her arms hung limply against her sides.

"Uh... hey," Mike answered her.

"Things went... okay," I told her. I looked at Mike and into his gorgeous eyes, which were on me. I could feel my face warming at the thought of all that had happened since this morning, much less the past weeks or months.

I climbed off the couch and looked down at Mike. I loved him so much that it felt like it would literally explode out of me and it was hard for me to believe that he still loved me. I couldn't help myself and pressed my lips to his forehead. I wanted to show him every minute that we were together that I would never take him for granted, never make the same mistakes again, even with just the smallest gestures that I could.

I went to Maria and took her hand, leading her into the kitchen.

Inside, her voice was filled with bewilderment, "What happened?"

I spoke in a low voice, "I told him... about Josh proposing and that I couldn't marry him. And then, my heart just took over and I had to tell him everything. I told him how sorry I was for everything I had done to hurt him, pushing him away, staying silent when he tried to come back, and then being just cruel to him when he came home from Spain. And then I told him how I feel, that I still love him."

"I was going to give him time. I was scared he'd say that it was too late, so I tried to leave... just to give myself any time at all to believe there was still hope. When I got outside, he came running after me and then..."

I had to smile at the memory, the feeling of his arms around me again. Not the light, polite hugs that we had shared since he'd moved back, but the feeling of him holding me, legitimately holding me.

"... he picked me up and hugged me. He told me that he loves me."

Maria was grinning and the excitement in her voice was palpable.

"Really!?!"

I was almost embarrassed that he still loved me, after everything. I could feel myself lowering my head, hiding behind my hair, and then I stopped. I looked up, straight at her.

"Yes."

I smiled.

"And you two are...?"

"Together. Always."

She hugged me.

"I know this has been such a hard time for you. I want you to be happy."

"I am. I really am."

She let go of me and we went back into the living room. Maria looked at Mike and said, "I'm happy for you... for both of you."

I asked, "Maria, do you want to have pizza with us?"

"No, no... you two... be together."

I took her hand. She was like a sister to me and I wanted her to be comfortable spending time with us. This was her home, too.

Mike didn't even hesitate. "What kind of pizza do you like?"

Mike called and ordered the pizza for us and not long after, the three of us were sitting and eating together, chatting and laughing, just like we'd used to so long ago. I was in awe about this turn of events and watched them both as they were completely relaxed with everything. 

When we finished eating, Maria said goodnight and went to bed. I wouldn't have minded if she sat with us, but I was eager to spend some time alone with Mike. Mike held my hand in his as we went to the couch and sat down. I wrapped myself around his arm and felt his fingers mesh with mine.

We simply sat together. I could feel his bicep lightly flexing against my cheek as he subtly massaged my hand and my body nearly melted next to him. I was completely relaxed for the first time in... months? I hadn't fully realized just how much stress I'd been under. It was of my own making, of course, but regardless, it felt good to be there with Mike, relaxed.

There would still be troubles to come, but for tonight, I could forget about them.

I felt Mike shift and I peered up at him.

"Savy, you've made me..." He paused for a moment before continuing, "... unbelievably happy today."

I could feel the corners of my mouth curling up. I wanted to make him happy.

"You're everything to me, but I think we need to go slow..."

Slow?

"... learn who we are together again. I should probably get going."

No, no, no... you can't go. I know it's completely irrational, but I can't stand to be apart from you, not even for a few hours. Not yet. Please.

"No, please stay. Don't go."

I could feel myself being overcome, starting to feel that uncontrollable urge to weep. I released his arm and slid my arms around his body, pinning myself to his chest.

"I want to stay, but I don't want you to be uncom..."

"No, stay. Please."

I need you here. I don't have any right to ask anything of you, but please... you don't have to come to bed with me, just be here when I wake up.

"Even if you stay here on the couch, just don't go. I want to know you'll be here in the morning."

I must have sounded insane to him. It wasn't even twelve hours ago that he'd picked me up and hugged me to him, now I was begging him to stay. I just... I was scared.

When he answered me, his voice was gentle and reassuring.

"Okay, I won't go. Savy..."

He brushed his fingers under my chin and delicately lifted my face to his.

"... I'll never leave you. Never again."

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. He hadn't left me, I had pushed him away. Now that he was back, I was being completely absurd, in the other direction. He didn't say anything though, he simply surrounded me with his embrace and made me feel safe and protected, loved.

I calmed down and he stood up, kissed me, and went down the hallway to the bathroom. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms, the memory of the last time was so powerful, but I didn't want to freak him out by being overbearing and smothering.

I went into my bedroom and pulled out an extra pair of sheets, a blanket, and the second pillow from my bed. When I made it back to the living room, Mike was sitting on the sofa and watching me as I walked to him.

I set the bedding down on the couch and he stood next to me, then enveloped me in his embrace and rested his chin on my head.

"I'm here for you, always."

Dammit, Savy... you can't be like this with him. I know you're overwhelmed with everything today, but you have to calm down.

"I'm sorry. I just... I just..."

Before I could try to explain myself, he spoke.

"It's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you so much."

Thank you. Thank you for being so good to me.

"I love you too, Mike."

The room was dark, lit by just the ambient electronics, and I could barely make out any details of his face. His eyes were dark orbs, but I could see them reflect the limited light and he was looking straight at me. He kissed me and I relaxed again.

I sighed to myself and turned away from him, padding quietly to my room. I sat down on my bed and held my head in my hands.

I was completely torn. The intensity of my love for Mike was even greater than I remembered, as if it had been amplified by the missing out on two years with him. On the other hand, I didn't want to scare him off and I certainly needed to have a better hold on myself, know who I am as an independent person.

I laid down and climbed under my warm blanket. I would do my best to hold myself back and let Mike dictate how things progressed between us. I hoped I could keep that promise to myself. We'd been apart for two years, I could wait for him for as long as he needed, for my entire life if need be.




Mike & Savy Ch. 10



The thoughts rampaging through my head prevented me from going to sleep until sheer exhaustion consumed me.

I woke up with a jolt. I was turned on my side and curled into a ball, clutching my pillow to my chest.

I slid my arm across the bed and whispered, "Mike."

He wasn't there.

I sat up quickly and my head turned from side to side searching for him. Where was he? Yesterday was real, right? I had told him everything and he still loved me...

Then I remembered. He was in the living room.

"You have to relax," I told myself. This isn't healthy. Still, I wanted to see him.

I slid out of bed and quietly opened my door, peering into the hallway. My eyes slowly adjusted to the lack of light and I walked noiselessly to the living room. 

There he was, sleeping on the sofa. I moved next to him and sat down on the floor, leaning against the couch.

My emotions were at battle with each other, as I struggled with the knowledge that he was back in my life and the fear that I would lose him. It felt like all I had done was hurt people that I cared about. What if I hurt him again or if he decided that I wasn't worth being with?

I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, match the slow rhythm of his breathing. It will be okay. He loves you. Trust him to love you despite, or even because of, all of your faults.

Easier said than done.

I lightly rested my hand on his leg and laid my head down on the sofa. Just touching him soothed me and pushed the doubts and fears into dark corners of my mind. Touching him was reality, not what ifs.

At some point, I felt myself moving, but it wasn't enough to wake me from my sleep. It was as if I were moving in my dream, but I couldn't remember or focus on what I had been dreaming about.

I woke up and could feel his arms around me. The fears were replaced by joy. I shifted my head slightly and pressed my lips against the skin of his chin, now covered with slight whiskers from a night's worth of growth. They tickled my lips.

Mike turned and his lips found mine. I slid my hand up to the nape of his neck, running my fingers through the soft hair and pulling myself to him.

He pulled his lips away from mine and rested his cheek against my forehead.

"When did you come out here?"

I tried to think. I wasn't sure.

"I... don't know. It was still dark."

And then I remembered the conflicted emotions I'd had last night when I lay in bed.

"I just... I wanted to be near you. Please don't be angry."

I know I'm messed up, Mike. I'll get better.

His voice was soothing. "How could I be angry? I'm here for you. I love having you next to me. I love you."

Everything he said was right. I didn't deserve him, but I was so thankful to have him.

He pulled me tight to his body.

"I love you, Mike. I'm so sorry."

My eyes were squeezed shut to prevent tears from escaping.

Again, his voice was soft, but convincing. "Savy, please forgive yourself. You didn't do anything wrong."

I couldn't forgive myself, but I hoped he would.

"Do you forgive me?"

"Of course I do. It's okay. We're here now, together."

I hope so.

I sighed and focused on the feeling of being with him again. I rubbed my cheek against his skin until I was resting against his chest. His arms held me firmly and I drifted into a soft dreamworld, halfway between consciousness and sleep.

I could smell coffee brewing, but Mike hadn't moved. I rubbed my eyes to wipe away the sleep and dried tears.

"Oh, Maria must be up."

Mike looked down at me. "Yup. So, how do you want to spend the day?"

There was only one thing I wanted.

"With you."

"That sounds exactly like what I planned."

I sighed. I couldn't control my mind when I was asleep, but when I was awake, he was making it so easy to trust that I'd never lose him again.

I pulled him to me and kissed him, softly at first, but then with more of the pent up passion I felt for him.

I stood up and went to find Maria in the kitchen.

She asked me, "Did you two sleep out there?"

I blushed a bit, hoping we hadn't made her uncomfortable.

"Oh... um... no. Mike did. I just came out this morning. I'm sorry."

"It's no problem, honey. I was just curious."

I poured two cups of coffee and added cream to mine. Maria followed me back into the living room with her own cup.

She rested her hand on my arm and whispered to me, "Take your time," then went to her bedroom.

I sat down next to Mike and curled up my legs under me. I leaned on Mike and felt the warmth of my mug in my hands. We watched light slowly spread across the woods next to my apartment and the Maryland campus in distance.

Eventually, I figured I should ask him.

"Will you stay here tonight?"

He looked down at me.

"Of course. I'll need to get some things from my apartment, though."

"Okay. I need to call mom. She's been emailing me about my trip to North Carolina. I should let her know what happened."

I had no idea what her reaction was going to be. She really liked Josh and after he came to visit us for Thanksgiving and I went to North Carolina for New Year's, she probably expected everything to be going great.

"Are you going to tell her about us?"

I wanted to. There was nothing she could tell us that would cause me to react the way I had last time. I wasn't afraid of us being torn apart again. But I was worried that if I told her about us at the same time as I told her about Josh, she'd be angry with Mike.

"Not yet. I want to. I want to tell everyone about us, but I think she'll be shocked enough that Josh and I aren't together. I don't think she can handle everything at once."

"You're right."

I watched as Mike stood up. He seemed a bit stiff and I felt guilty that he slept on the sofa.

At the door, I let Mike envelope me with his arms and I sunk into his chest. I looked up at him, to see his beautiful eyes focusing on me. He kissed me quickly.

"Mike, bring everything you need for the week. I don't want to spend a night without you."

I hoped he wouldn't sleep on the sofa, either. I wanted to fall asleep with him. I wasn't worried about if it were too fast or too soon for us; we were well beyond worrying about that in our relationship.

"Alright. I love you. I'll be back soon."

"Okay. I love you, too."

After Mike was gone, I went into my bedroom and sat on my bed, holding my phone in my hand. I wasn't sure how to explain to mom that Josh and I broke up without telling her the real reason. 

I sighed and called.

"Savannah?"

"Hi, mom." I doubt that I could hide the resignation in my voice. "Do you have time to talk?"

"Of course. Is something wrong?"

"Um... not exactly, but..."

"Savannah, what happened?"

"Um... Josh and I broke up."

Saying it out loud certainly brought back the sadness of that moment when I rejected him. 

"What?! Sweetie, what happened? Was it something in North Carolina?"

"Yeah... um... I went down there and his family was really nice. But on New Year's Eve, he asked me to marry him."

Mom tried to speak, "Savan..."

I cut her off, "Mom. Wait. I told him that I couldn't marry him."

"But... why? You two seemed... perfect." I could hear her shock and... disappointment.

"I just... couldn't, mom. I cared, I do care, about Josh a lot, but I can't marry him."

"Savannah, you don't have to get married right away. You shouldn't get married until you graduate, anyway. But that doesn't mean you have to break up. What did he say?"

"I broke his heart. It's not just the timing, it's just... I saw the ring and he asked me and the only answer that I had was no."

"Surely you two can work it out..."

"We can't, mom."

"Have you talked to him?"

"Not since I left his house. He asked me to leave and I drove back. Max said he asked to quit the ensemble, but I told Max to convince him to stay. I can do other things, but Josh has been in the group since he came to Maryland."

"You have to talk to him, honey. Maybe..."

I cut her off, again. She wasn't listening to me. I couldn't let her think there was a chance that Josh and I would get back together. I did understand where she was coming from though, as this must be pretty out of the blue for her.

"Mom, please. I will talk to him at some point, but right now, he's hurting and I don't think he wants to hear from me. And even when we do talk, it's not going to be about getting back together. It's... just not going to happen."

"Savannah, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I feel awful about what happened and how it happened, but it did. I'll get through this. Really."

We talked for several more minutes, though thankfully she dropped the subject of Josh and I. Still, I didn't for a minute believe she was through saying her part on the issue. When we hung up, she told me to call her if I needed anything.

Mike wasn't back yet, so I started cleaning the apartment. I let my mind focus on something other than all the changes that had happened in my life recently. I had just finished vacuuming when I heard a knock on the door, hoping it would be Mike.

I opened the door and there he was. He was smiling at me and his hair was swirling around his face. He looked so happy.

As he walked in, he held up a bouquet of beautiful calla lilies. I immediately threw myself against him, squeezing around his waist with my arms. I released him and took the flowers from him to put on the dining table. He took the groceries into the kitchen and I showed him where various things went. After everything was put away, we went and sat on the couch together. Sitting with him was already my favorite thing to do.

Mike asked me about my call with mom. I told him that she was shocked and didn't seem to understand, which I didn't blame her for, since I didn't tell her the full reason why I rejected Josh. Neither one of us knew when the right time to tell her would be.

Mike made me let him make dinner and before too long, we were sitting and eating lasagna with Maria. We watched the Maryland basketball game, which resulted in a nice win in their last tune up before conference play started. After the game, Maria went to bed and Mike and I stayed on the couch to watch a movie.

I loved the feeling of him spooning me, with one of his arms serving as my pillow and the other resting lightly on my hip. I scooted back against him so tightly that I could feel his chest expanding and contracting against my back as he breathed.

All of my anxieties melted away when I could feel his body against mine and he was so wonderful when we were together, that I knew I'd become more and more comfortable during the times we weren't. I'd conquer those fears and worries.

When Mike got up to get ready for bed, I went into my bedroom and got ready for bed myself. I heard him leave the bathroom, but he didn't come in to my bedroom. I went and brushed my teeth, then walked out to the living room. Mike was sitting on the sofa. 

I took his hand, watching as my own small hands barely wrapped around one of his.

It's okay, I want to be with you. "Come to bed, Mike."

His eyes were locked on me. "Are you sure?"

Yes. Completely.

"Come to bed."

With a gentle pull to reassure him, he got up and followed me into my bedroom holding my hand. I pulled back the covers and climbed into bed with him following me. I pulled my hair behind me and lay facing him. When he kissed me, my body went completely limp against his. 

The feeling of being with him is completely indescribable.

I knew he was tired and needed to sleep for work in the morning, so I had to tear myself away from him. I lay with my face inches from his and stared into his eyes. I ran my hand up the back of his neck and through his hair, then around his ear before pulling his hair back. His eyes slowly drifted closed and I continued stroking his hair while his face relaxed and he fell asleep. 

"I love you, Mike."

I could feel my own heartbeat when I said those words. He's everything to me.

I watched him sleep for quite awhile before I gingerly kissed his nose and closed my eyes.

I woke up with a jolt, breathing hard and incredibly scared, although I didn't know why. I could feel how tense my body was. Mike was looking directly at me.

"Savy, it's okay. You're okay."

Over and over, my brain was screaming, "What have I done?! Why do I hurt people?" I fought back, "No... no... I didn't mean to," but my brain simply came back with, "You're damaged. You're terrible. All you do is take."

I lowered my head to Mike's chest and clenched at his shirt. I couldn't stop the tears.

I hated what I had done to Mike, then to Josh, but nothing scared me more than the thought that I would hurt Mike again.

In the back of my mind, I could hear Mike, "I love you, Savy. It will be okay."

I hope so... I hope so...

I don't know when I fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning, feeling Mike's lips. I opened my eyes and was greeted with his superb blue and green eyes, which were more blue in the early morning light, but with the gold flecks standing out clearly. It was the perfect way to wake up.

Suddenly I remembered the night before, waking up and crying. Mike had been there and held me. He was still here.

"You're here."

He brushed my cheek with his fingertips. "I always will be."

I slid my hand behind Mike, feeling the lean muscles of his back, and pulled myself to him.

How could I even remotely convey what I felt for him? I hoped that he could understand the full impact when I said, "I love you."

When he responded, I don't know if it was my imagination or not, but I thought I could hear in his voice that he did know how I feel. "I love you too, Savy."

Thank you, my Mike.

I knew I had to let him go, though, but it would be okay. He'd come back to me.

"I know you have to go to work. It's okay."

He kissed my cheek.

His words were tender and gentle. "Go back to sleep. I'll see you tonight."

I briefly closed my eyes while I felt him run his fingers through my hair, from my head to the very tips. He kissed my forehead and I felt the bed shift as his weight was taken away. I opened my eyes and watched as he left the room. When he was gone, I shut my eyes again.

I didn't hear him leave. Exhaustion from not sleeping well took hold of me. 

I woke up again several hours later and instinctively reached for him, but of course he wasn't there. There was only the briefest moment before I remembered he was at work and I would see him soon enough.

It felt like I had barely had time to drink a cup of coffee and check my email before I heard a knock on the door.

I went to answer it, as Maria was out, and I almost couldn't breathe when I saw it was Mike. He didn't even wait for either of us to say anything before taking me in his embrace and picking me up. I could feel his muscles barely flexing as he lifted me effortlessly.

As he held me, his lips were near my ear and he whispered, "I just wanted to see you for a minute."

Oh, Mike! How can you be so perfect? I don't deserve you, but I'm glad I have you anyway.

"I love you. Thank you."

Mike had to go back to work, but spending just that single unexpected minute in his arms was so special for me.

After he left, I got dressed and drove to the performing arts center to practice. As I played, I closed my eyes and pictured looking down off the stage into Mike's eyes. Scales quickly turned into some of my favorite love songs and I knew what I wanted my next concert to be. I went to Max's office, but he wasn't in. I'd tell him on Tuesday, when I knew he had office hours.

I returned home and changed into comfortable pajamas and the sweatshirt Mike had gotten me. I was sitting curled up under a blanket in the living room when he got home. Within minutes, he was sitting in front of me and leaning against me, while my arms wrapped around under his and held his chest. I lightly traced his pecs and firm stomach through his shirt while we talked about his work. He was incredibly excited about the research he was involved with and I loved listening to him when he was so enthusiastic about what he was doing. I felt a small twinge in the back of my mind, thinking about the year of work he'd given up when he went to Spain because of how I had treated him.

Later in the evening, we were together in bed. I was relishing the feeling of his hand resting on my side, slowly tracing from my hip, around to the small of my back, up my spine, and back down.

I could see his brow slightly furrow and I knew he was thinking about something... unpleasant. I didn't want him to have any worries anymore. Before I could ask him, he spoke.

"Savy, I want to talk to you about something... about my time in Spain."

I had thought about the year he had spent in Spain. He'd told me about teaching and a few of his friends. He'd also gone to France for a week. But I also knew that after so long apart, it was unlikely that he'd been alone the entire time. I won't lie, there was a part of me that it made jealous, but I sequestered that negativity in the darkest corners of my mind. I had abandoned him and he deserved to be happy. 

"Mike, you don't have to. It's okay."

He didn't hesitate at all, "No, I do. I don't know if you'll hate me or not, but the only way I know to go forward for us is to be completely open and honest with you."

No, Mike. It's okay, really.

"Don't say that. There's nothing that you could do to make me hate you."

I needed him to understand. I didn't blame him for anything that may have happened there. I held my palm to his cheek and moved myself closer, until I kissed him. I looked into his eyes. It's okay.

Still, Mike told me the story of his time in Spain. He was incredibly eloquent about the details and I could tell how important that time had been to him. I had returned to my violin to heal, he had Spain. It was somewhat fitting, since he was such an explorer, always looking out to something new.

When he told me that he had met a woman, Ana, and they had been in a relationship, I again felt that small pang of jealousy, before casting it aside. I had hurt him so badly that he set aside his entire life and left the country. If she had brought even a moment of happiness to him, helped to alleviate his pain, it was okay. It should have been me, but it wasn't. 

I stared into his eyes, more green in the darkness of the bedroom. He looked so sad, like he was guilty.

"Mike, it's okay. I'm glad you weren't alone."

I wasn't just saying it to allay his concerns, I almost surprised myself with how much I meant it. If love is caring about someone so much that their happiness is more important than your own, then I truly loved Mike.

"I pushed you away and you deserved to find happiness. You didn't do anything wrong."

His face didn't soften, remaining frozen in remorse.

"I just..."

No. It's okay. I didn't let him finish. I pressed my lips to his until I felt him relax and kiss me back.

"I love you. I don't ever want you to be alone. I always want you to have love in your life."

He pressed his forehead to mine, in that special way that conveyed his love for me.

"As long as you're in my life, I will."

I kissed him again and pressed my small body to his. I wanted to hold him until he relaxed completely. I was here for him now. I would be the one, doing everything I possibly could to bring him joy. He's the love of my life and nothing else matters.

I slept through the entire night. It was the first time I hadn't woken up since I'd gotten back from North Carolina. When morning came, Mike's body was wrapped around mine. We woke up together. While he got ready for work, I made him coffee and left him at the door with a hug and a kiss. 

I felt no anxiety. I knew that I would fall asleep in his arms again that night. What else could I possibly need?




Mike & Savy Ch. 10



After cleaning up a bit in the morning and chatting with Maria over coffee and muffins, I went to campus in time to meet Max during his office hours. He greeted me as he always did, with a warm smile.

I told him my idea for the semester. I wanted to work more with the university orchestra, because I felt that it was the skill that I needed the most practice with. I also told him that I wanted my first concert to be a completely solo performance, without any accompaniment. 

I wanted the challenge of holding an audience by myself. So much of music rests in how the melody intertwines with the supporting parts. Could I do an entire performance without that support, weaving music together alone? It was a new challenge that thrilled me.

Before I left Max's office, I asked him if Josh had come back to campus for the winter. Max said that he hadn't, but that he would be back for regular classes and practices for the spring semester. Again, I was filled with guilt, but I knew that it would take time for Josh to heal.

That night, Mike told me that he'd arranged to have dinner with Jeff and Mia on Friday. It would be the first time I'd seen them since before Christmas. I was eager to see how they'd react to Mike and I being together. They were some of the few people who knew the exact nature of my relationship with Mike, not just that I was his adopted sister, but truly related.

On Thursday, Maria and I sat in the dining room, eating Filipino food that she had brought from her family.

"Maria, I want to ask you something."

"Sure, what's up?"

"I just want you to keep in mind that if you say no, it's okay. I'll completely understand. This is a really big favor and I don't want to make you uncomfortable or impose on you in..."

I was nervous and I was rambling, but she stopped me by smiling laughing.

"Just tell me, it's okay."

I sighed. "I want to ask Mike to move in."

She never stopped smiling.

"I knew you'd ask at some point, I just didn't know when."

She reached out and rested her hand on mine.

"I certainly don't want you to move out and I know you two aren't going to be apart. Plus, I like Mike. I'm okay if he wants to move in."

I turned my hand until I was holding hers and I squeezed. I held my other hand over my heart. She had always been so supportive of me, treating me like a sister.

"Thank you."

I was going to ask Mike that night, but we ended up watching a movie with Maria and by the time we went to bed, our heads had barely hit our pillows before we were asleep.

On Friday afternoon, I was in my usual practice room at the performing arts center when I heard the door open. I turned, expecting to see Max or possibly another student, but instead, it was Mike. I almost dropped my violin, I was so surprised and excited, but I set it down and ran to him. Every time I saw him, I could remember the excitement of that first day when mom dropped me off at my dorm and Mike was waiting for me.

After he kissed me, Mike asked, "Can I watch you play?"

Of course. Every time I played for the rest of my life, it would be for him. I looked into his beautiful eyes and smiled.

"Yes. I want you to see me play."

The entire time I practiced, I never took my eyes off of him. When I was finished and we left, I was by his side and we walked together. It was another first for us.

We went back to the apartment and dropped off my violin before hitting the road to go to the restaurant and meet Jeff and Mia. The sun was down and the temperature at dropped rapidly. Just before we went inside, Mike pulled on my hand and I faced him before he wrapped his arms around me and bent down to kiss me. He took my breath away with every kiss and all I could do to respond was to gently hold my fingers to his cheek and smile at him.

Every kiss, every hug, every time he would look into my eyes... he's the love of my life, my soulmate.

Mike held the door for me and I went inside, shaking a bit as I shrugged off the frigid air and felt the heat from the restaurant. I could immediately smell the fabulous aromas of kimchi and bulgogi. I love Korean food so much, I almost forgot we were there to meet people!

Mike took my hand and walked into the main room ahead of me. By the time I spotted Jeff and Mia, they were both staring in complete shock. Mia was covering her mouth, so I couldn't tell if she were smiling or frowning.

As we approached the table, Jeff stood up and briefly hugged Mike before turning to me. He looked completely confused and quickly glanced at Mike. I took the two steps to him and wrapped my arms around him.

Mike pulled out a chair for me and I sat down, then he sat next to me. I moved closer until I could lean on him. I never wanted any space between us and maybe, subconsciously, I wanted to show Jeff and Mia that we were completely together again.

Mike was the first one to say anything.

"So guys, good to see you. Anything going on?"

I almost laughed at how perfectly calm he acted, like this was the most normal thing in the world.

Mia shrieked, "Mike!"

He did his best to keep a straight face, though I knew the contours of his face so well, that I could see the tiniest changes as he fought to hold back a smile.

"Um... yes?"

I looked at Jeff and he was clearly amused.

Mia had returned to covering her mouth, but was not amused with Mike's little game. "What's going on?" Her voice was desperate.

I squeezed Mike's hand and he gave me a little look before finally answering her.

"Well, I guess it comes down to, last weekend Savy asked me if I'd meet her for lunch. When I got there, she told me that Josh had asked her to marry him."

Mia gasped and focused on me, her face now more quizzical than shocked.

I did my best to explain quickly. There'd be time for more details later, but for now, I just wanted them to know.

"I had been down to meet his family for New Year's, but when he asked, I couldn't do it. I told him that I couldn't marry him. I had been hiding it from myself, but then I knew, I was... I am still in love with Mike. He's the only one I ever want to be with... and fortunately, he loves me too."

As soon as I said, "he loves me too," I was looking at Mike and could see just how much he truly loved me in his face. I ran my fingers through his hair and pressed my lips to his cheek.

I was settling back into my seat when Mia had leapt from her chair and was squeezing me practically to death.

"I'm so, so happy for you."

I smiled, knowing that Jeff and Mia were Mike's best friends, like family, and were completely happy for us to be back together. By the time Mia was back in her seat, she was using her napkin to wipe her eyes.

After the initial impact of our news wore off, Mia began asking more questions about exactly what had happened since December. I did my best to try to explain how I had gradually realized that it wasn't even really a choice for me. Mike was everything and I may have been lost for awhile, but in the end, I couldn't do anything other than be his. There's a connection between us, far deeper than words can explain. Jeff nodded knowingly, as it was clearly how he and Mia felt about each other, too. 

It's incredibly special for Mike and I that we have these friends who can understand exactly what it's like to not just love another, but to live for them. I try to think of all the people in the world that, for whatever reason, can't find that. Do they settle? Do they pretend? I don't know. I hoped Josh would find his soulmate.

At the end of the evening, we said our goodbyes and promised to meet with them again soon. Back in Mike's truck, we were quickly on the Beltway and on our way home. I wanted it to be our home.

"Yeah?"

"I already talked to Maria about it and she's okay with the idea..."

"What's that?"

"I don't think it makes sense for you to have your apartment all the way out in Bowie, since you work in Greenbelt and you'll be starting your graduate classes at Maryland again. I want you to move in with me... to make it our home, together."

We lost two years, I don't want to lose another minute. I want to start my life with you. What's the point in waiting any longer when I am so completely sure? You are the love of my life.

Mike laid his hand on my leg and gently massaged my thigh. He smiled quickly at me before returning his eyes to the road, but just because he couldn't look at me didn't mean that he stopped smiling.

"I'd like that."

When we got home, now our home, we told Maria that Mike would be moving in. Mike was almost nervous or embarrassed, but Maria reassured him that she was perfectly fine with it. I looked forward to the process of him moving in, as we consolidated our things and integrated our lives.

As I fell asleep, Mike was spooning me from behind and squeezing me comfortably to him, whispering to me, "I love you, Savy."

I woke up before him the next morning. I was still cuddled back against him, but I turned to face him. I could see the subtle movement of his eyes behind his eyelids. I resisted the urge to touch him, to trace the edge of his chin with my fingers or to press my lips to his. I wanted to let him sleep. I had become so used to seeing tight smiles and looks of pain from him, but now he was so peaceful and relaxed. 

I could feel him begin to shift and his hand instinctively rubbed my hip. Finally, his eyes opened.

"You're awfully handsome when you sleep."

Now that he was awake, I couldn't help myself anymore, and I kissed him. His lips were so incredibly soft and I loved the way he kissed me so tenderly.

When he pulled himself away, I wanted to tell him to forget everything and simply spend the day in bed with me, but I knew that the sooner he was fully moved in, the sooner I would have every minute that I wanted with him.

He watched me for a minute and I could see his eyes looking up and down, taking in all of me. He held his hand out and I put my fingers in his. He pulled me up to him and held me.

"Are you ready to start our lives together?"

It is all I want in the world.

I placed little kisses all over his face, feeling my lips pressing against his skin.

"Yes."

And then I kissed him, with my heart pounding in my chest. My Mike...

It was yet another frigid day and I bundled up tightly before we went outside. It took about 25 minutes or so to get to his apartment. When we got there, I was impressed that he was living more comfortably than in the first apartment of his I had seen years ago. He actually had proper furniture and it looked like a home, not a college student's apartment.

While Mike went to the front office to handle paperwork, I set about packing the things we could fit in his truck. I also saw that some of his furniture was nicer than what Maria and I had been able to afford, so I worked on deciding what to keep and what to sell. When Mike came back, I did my best to help him carry things, but as diminutive as I am, there wasn't much I could do to help with the mattress or bed frame. He dragged it more than we carried it.

We drove back to College Park and I found myself continually reaching out to lightly touch his arm or leg with my fingers. I had to continually convince myself that this was real and not a dream. 

Back home, we unloaded the truck and I made as much space as I could in my dresser and closet for his things. It would be better when the weather was warmer and I could store my winter clothes. We ate a quick dinner and then Mike took a shower. I could see from his stooped shoulders that he was tired.

He was getting dressed for bed when I stopped him and took his hand. I laid him down on his stomach and sat on top of him, keeping most of my weight on my legs on either side of him. I wanted to relax him. I rested my hands on the bare skin of his back, noticing the contrast between his pale skin and my darker complexion. I traced the outlines of his muscles with my fingertips and then pressed more firmly, beginning to feel out the tight spots.

I alternated between pinpointing the knots in his muscles with my fingers and using my palms to more generally rub out the tension in his shoulders and back. As I leaned over him, I let my hair drag softly across his skin.

As his body relaxed, I could tell that he was falling asleep. I kept working, more gently, until I thought he was completely out. I slid down beside him under the covers and ran my fingers along his back, tracing random shapes and simply feeling the smoothness of his skin. His arms were lifted and folded under his head and when I pressed body to him, I lightly kissed the muscles of his arm. I fell asleep with my lips pressed against his skin.

I drifted in a dreamlike state, feeling Mike's hand rubbing my thigh and hip. As I started to move further towards being fully awake, I realized that I wasn't just relaxed being next to him, I was aroused. The effect of his hand massaging my leg and my body being next to him caused me to remember so long ago when we had made love to each other, how he had made me feel when he touched me and was inside me.

I hesitated for a minute, worried that maybe he wanted to wait longer. We'd only been back together for a week and he'd said he wanted to take things slowly. By the time I had fully formulated those thoughts, my fingers were already dancing across his chest and my leg was resting on his body. I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh.

I looked up at him and smiled, but I couldn't tell if the look on his face was apprehension? Anticipation?

When I slowly rubbed my thigh up and down his member, I saw his eyes slightly roll back. He wants this, too.

I lifted myself onto my elbow until I could see his chest and stomach below me and the slight outline of muscles on his lean frame. I lowered my head and brushed my lips against his skin. I could feel my breathing becoming heavier as I planted delicate kisses on his chest. Mike's hand ran along my leg, caressing my thigh and rear. Reflexively, I pressed my hips to him, feeling the pressure building between us.

My lips were now just an inch away from his nipple. I moved closer until I had it trapped between my upper and lower lips. I extended my tongue just enough to touch the very tip. He grabbed me firmly now and in trying to pull me to him, I slid on top of him.

My hair fell to the side and I could see his face again. Our lips had barely touched before I parted mine and could taste him as my tongue danced across his lips. Then I could feel his tongue, moist and just a bit firm, sliding along mine. We were passionately kissing each other and I was already starting to lose control.

I needed him.

My hips were now rocking against his and I could feel his member trapped between our bodies. With just a slight movement, I was pressing myself against his erection. I could feel its hardness through the thin material of my pajamas. I didn't slide up and down so much as I alternated pressure from near my pubic bone down and into the gap between my legs. 

I could already feel the muscles inside of me contracting and pulsating.

I pulled my lips from his and sat up. I reached down and grabbed my sweatshirt, pulling it up and over my head. I had to feel my skin against his. I was unbelievably aroused and I didn't want anything between us.

Mike grabbed my hips with his hands and I continued rubbing myself against him. I had to will myself to go slowly. There was so much pressure building inside me and his shaft was rubbing me in exactly the right places. At one point in my rocking motion, his hardness would press against my clit and send jolts of energy through me.

Again, I leaned down to him and just before making contact with his mouth again, I paused and let my nipples barely brush against the skin and soft hair of his chest. They were now painfully hard from the stimulation my body was being subjected to.

I couldn't resist anymore and thrust my tongue back against his lips. His tongue was immediately sliding against mine, almost massaging it. I pressed my breasts against him, feeling my nipples trapped between us.

Yes... yes...

Faster, I ground myself onto him. Harder. I could even feel the warmth from his erection traveling up and through me, into my most sensitive places. I was soaking wet and losing control.

His hands slid down from my hips and grabbed my butt, pulling me firmly to him. The friction between us reaching unbearable levels. I was moving furiously, rubbing myself on him, small shocks of energy shooting through me every time I moved up and pressed my clit against him.

I couldn't hold my mouth on his anymore, I was breathing too hard. I stared at him from just inches away, his eyes closed.

Almost.

I pressed harder into him, rolling my hips up and down. Just... a little... more...

I lost all control and my body went rigid as I climaxed on him. I pulled myself tightly to him and left my hips where my clit was being pinched against his shaft. The muscles inside me contracted rapidly, sending pure pleasure radiating from my hips down through my legs and up into my chest. I felt my wetness seep out of me and moisten our pants between us. 

Yes... yes... perfect.

I opened my eyes and focused on Mike, his gorgeous eyes practically smiling back at me. Thank you, I needed that so much. 

"Oh Mike... Mike... my Mike... yes..."

I needed several minutes before I could regain my senses and speak or understand actual words and sentences.

He smiled at me. "Well... good morning."

You have no idea, Mike. "Yes... very good... morning."

But we're not through yet. I need more. I need all of you.

My hand searched between us until I found what I wanted. I wrapped my fingers around his member and squeezed. I pressed my lips to his ear.

"I want this."

I don't just want you, I need you. I need to feel you inside me, to feel us completely together.

Mike planted his hands on the bed beside him and pushed himself up until he was sitting. I kept my breasts pressed firmly against him. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt his muscles flexing as he rolled until I was laying on my back and he was on top of me.

Don't make me wait any longer.

I desperately tugged at his pants and him at mine until we were completely naked with each other. I pulled my knees up and planted my feet beside him as he lay between my legs.

I closed my eyes briefly and remembered all of the times I had felt him inside me, that first contact and then my body stretching to accommodate him. This time, I wanted to look directly into his eyes as I felt that contact.

I opened my eyes and he was staring at me, with a small content smile on his lips.

Now, my body demanded.

Contact. His tip was pressing against me. Yes...

My legs spread further, inviting him into me. His body pressed against mine and his hips moved forward. I moaned as I felt him slide inside, gently and smoothly. I was so wet now, there was no friction at all, just the feeling of being filled in incredible ways, as he pushed completely into me.

The physical pleasure was magnified by the emotions of being back with him.

He whispered into my ear, "Oh, Savy..."

Yes, I understand. I know.

"Mike... I love you... I missed you..."

I had no idea how much I missed you. I can't live my life without you.

I felt the tiniest bit of space between our bodies, but immediately pulled him back to me. I could feel his heart beating and his chest expanding and contract as he breathed. There could be no space between us, I wouldn't allow it. 

His lips traced along my chin until his mouth found mine and locked onto me. His tongue slid along mine and I lost myself.

I love you. I need you. Always be with me.

My body relaxed as I let him take complete control. I focused on the places where he touched me. His lips on mine. My nipples against his chest. His hands pulling me to him. Him slowly pulling out, leaving just the shortest time for me to feel empty before he filled me again. Even where my knees were now squeezing against the muscles of his thighs and rear, flexing with each gentle thrust.




Mike & Savy Ch. 11



 Note to readers: This chapter is from Mike's point of view.

*****

Dammit. Tonight, of all nights.

I was under no mistaken illusions that there would be no more complications for us, but seeing Josh standing next to mom caught me completely off guard. Had she invited him or had he shown up on his own?

I turned back to Savy, her smile gone. I briefly caught her eyes and she looked almost panicked. I had just enough time to gently squeeze her elbow, trying to reassure her, before Max came to us.

"Mike, may I borrow your sister for a moment?"

Her head swung around to look at Max, sending her hair flying behind her.

I bent down and whispered to her, "Don't worry, I'll be right here."

If I had been any further away, I wouldn't have been able to hear her response, "Okay."

I nodded to Max and forced a tight smile before he held out his arm in front of Savy, directing her towards a group of tables on the opposite side of the room from where our friends and family were.

She took a few steps before I could see her visibly collect herself. She pulled her shoulders back, lifted her head, and walked with more confidence as she approached the tables. 

I stood there like a moron, dumbfounded, but impressed with how quickly she turned on the charm for whoever Max had wanted her to speak with.

When I saw that she was okay for the moment, I turned towards mom and walked to the table. My eyes flickered from person to person. Maria and Mia were both wide-eyed and Mia was covering her mouth. Jeff had his arms crossed in front of his chest and while his head never moved, his eyes moved back and forth between myself and the side where Josh was standing.

Before I could completely close the distance, mom stepped towards me. We stopped together about five feet from the table and she gave me a quick hug before staying close to speak quietly with me.

"Can we go outside for a minute?"

"Yeah," was all I could say.

I held out Savy's violin and things for Jeff, who took them from me, briefly grasping my forearm and nodding. I followed mom out into the hall and we walked a bit down the hall to give us some more space in case anyone came to or left the reception.

"Mike, I didn't know Josh was going to be here. I wouldn't do that to Savannah and it's not my place, but she's told me so little and Josh and I talked for a bit after I saw him here."

"What did he say?"

"Max invited him."

I rubbed my eyes, squeezing the bridge of my nose. Dammit. Max didn't know any better. All he knew was that Savy and Josh had been in a relationship and played together for even longer, then it suddenly ended and had repercussions for the music program.

I sighed.

"Mike, I asked Josh what happened between him and Savannah."

My throat closed.

"All he would say was that they hadn't spoken since New Year's. I told him that I knew he had proposed and she had said no. He wouldn't tell me why. Mike, what the hell happened?"

Shit. Savy and I needed to tell her, we were going to tell her tonight, but together. Think fast, Mike, one issue at a time.

"Mom, Savy and I have talked, but I think she needs to be here for this conversation."

"Why? What's going on?"

"I need you to just be patient. This is all going to get sorted out tonight, I promise. Let's go inside and sit down for a bit."

I turned to go back to the reception, but she reached out and grabbed my arm.

"Mike, is everything okay? I'm just worried..."

"Everything is fine, I promise. Let's go be there for Savy now."

I held out my arm towards the door, trying to encourage her to go back inside. She looked at me, entirely unconvinced, but did head back. We had only been gone for a few minutes.

Savy was standing next to Max with a group of people. She turned her head to the side and our eyes met. She was struggling to maintain a smile, but I smiled as broadly as I could at her and mouthed, "I love you," which caused her to noticeably relax.

I went and sat next to Jeff and Mia, across the table from mom and Josh. Josh had his chair turned mostly away from the table and towards mom. I could see that he was watching Savy as she moved about the room. Mom periodically leaned over and whispered something to him, but I couldn't tell what she was saying. Jeff, Mia, Maria and I made small talk, consciously aware of the awkwardness of the situation.

I watched as Savy finally made her way to our table. Even in her somewhat delicate emotional state, she was absolutely gorgeous, perfect in every way. I wasn't the only person in the room, male or female, who was watching her every movement.

Mom got up to hug Savy first. "Savannah, I'm so proud of you."

Savy then came around to our side of the table and took turns hugging Jeff, Mia, and Maria, responding to their compliments.

She came to me and hesitated. I saw her glance quickly at Josh. I understood, or at least thought I did. I'd been in his shoes not too long ago, watching the woman I loved in the arms of another man. I reached out and grasped her forearm lightly, more leaning to her than fully hugging her. I leaned just close enough and towards the side of her that was away from the table that I could quietly whisper in her ear, "I love you," before quickly backing away.

She looked up at me through her eyelashes and said smiled softly. "Thank you."

Savy moved away from me and around the table to Josh. He stood up to face her, but made no move towards her. Her back was to me and I couldn't hear, but she seemed to ask him if he wanted to talk. I held my breath as she walked out of the room with him following.

Jeff tried to distract me with some shop talk about NASA while Mia and Maria chatted with mom. I wasn't paying attention to anything, however, as my eyes were locked on the door, waiting for her to return.

I waited an eternity.

The door opened and Josh came in, but Savy wasn't behind him.

Josh walked to our table and nodded politely at the rest of us. Mom looked up at him, apprehensive? Anticipating something? He leaned down and gave her a quick hug, then turned and left. She watched him and then her eyes focused on me. What else could I do? I half-shrugged and mouthed, "I don't know."

Max must have noticed Savy's absence, because he broke away from a conversation and came to us.

"Have you seen Savannah? There are more guests that would like to speak with her."

I immediately stood up, actually jarring the table a bit.

"She stepped out for a minute, but I'll go look for her."

Mom shot me a look, but I couldn't tell what she was thinking, other than it wasn't her usual supportive smile. I didn't expect to see that for quite some time after what would be said tonight.

In the hallway, I looked left and right, but didn't see her. I wandered towards the main entrance, but didn't find her there, either. 

I paused briefly, noticing the signs for her performance in the lobby. There was a picture of her on stage, wearing a black dress that I hadn't seen before. It must have been from one of her performances while I was gone. She was gorgeous and I could almost hear her playing.

I had a thought and went towards the hall she had performed in earlier in the evening. I quietly opened the door and went inside, stepping out of the small entry and into the main hall.

Savy was sitting on the edge of the stage.

She looked up and saw me. I could see tears on her cheeks as I slowly approached her. I sat next to her and she immediately slid next to me. She wrapped her arm around mine and leaned on me.

"You okay?"

She tilted her head up to me and I leaned down, pressing my lips softly to hers.

"I will be. I love you, Mike."

We sat quietly together.

I wanted to ask her what had happened, but it was her choice of whether or when she wanted to tell me. I knew her well enough to know that the only thing she needed right now was for me to be there for her. I rested my cheek on the top of her head and closed my eyes.

After some time, she slid off of the stage and stood in front of me. She took my hands in hers and smiled softly at me.

"I'm going to marry you."

I moved to my feet and took her in my arms.

"Yes, you are, because you are the love of my life and that's the only way it can be."

Her fingers intertwined with mine and we walked out of the hall together, back to the reception.

That had been an unexpected and difficult conversation for her, but we were rapidly approaching the most difficult conversation of the evening. At least now we'd be together.

As we approached the door to the reception, I loosened my fingers to let go of her hand, but she held me tightly. Her beautiful eyes looked up at me.

"It's okay."

"I love you"

"I love you, too."

I smiled at her and pushed open the door. We walked in together.

Every eye in the room turned to see her as she walked in. Her forced smile from earlier in the evening was replaced by her perfect smile that I loved so much. 

In the center of the room, surrounded by tables on all sides, she stopped and I stood next to her. She looked up at me and stood on her toes. Even with all of those people around, when I looked at her, she was all I could see.

She kissed me.

It was a light and tender kiss, but her lips pressed to mine and with that, she had announced our relationship to the world. As she pulled away from me, her eyes glistened in the lights with the smallest hint of tears, but tears of joy. She was telling me with her actions that there was nothing that would ever come between us. Everything we would ever do would be together.

Max took a step toward us from where he had been standing next to our table, with a look of complete shock on his face. Savy held out her left hand to him, clearly showing her ring. He froze in his tracks.

Every table in the room, except for one, burst into applause. All they knew was that Savannah, the incredibly talented and beautiful violinist that had enraptured the University of Maryland, even beyond the normal music scene, had just effectively announced her engagement on the evening of her solo performance, on Valentine's Day.

At one table, there was only stunned silence.

That single moment lasted a lifetime.

Once the shock had worn off, maybe a second later, Jeff quickly stood and applauded us. Mia had briefly covered her face before fanning herself with her hands and wiping away tears. Maria simply sat and smiled at us.

Max's shock was replaced with a smile, even if it looked slightly forced and tight. He closed the distance to us with his long strides and took Savy's hand before placing a light kiss on it. When he stepped to the side, I could finally see mom.

She sat completely motionless, with tears streaming down her face. They were not tears of happiness.

Perhaps five seconds after Savy had kissed me and shown her ring to Max, and therefore the entire reception, we were enveloped by people offering both of us their congratulations. Even with heels, Savy may have reached only 5'3" and quickly lost sight of our friends and mom through the crowd. I could see over enough people that I never lost sight of her as she sat in silence, crying.

I tried to follow Savy as she introduced me and thanked everyone.

"This is Mike, my fiancé."

"Oh, thank you so much. This is my fiancé, Mike."

"He proposed earlier today. I played for him tonight."

Every few moments, she would gently reach up and brush her slender fingers along my cheek. The love in her eyes and the touch of her skin washed away all of the trepidation of the evening.

I rested my left hand on her hip as I shook as many hands as I could. Eventually, Jeff was standing before us. I let go of Savy for long enough for him to hug her and then he turned to me and smiled.

"Tell me the day and I'm there."

He slapped me on the shoulder and embraced me.

As soon as he stepped to the side, Mia was there to replace him, wiping away tears. She hugged both of us at the same time.

"I love both of you. I can't wait to be at your wedding."

Maria was next and showed her own feelings for us in her quiet way.

As people started to return to their seats or filter out of the room, Max briefly took me aside.

"Mike, I have to admit, I'm shocked."

"Max, I know how important you are to Savy. You've been a tremendous mentor to her. I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. I hope you can understand."

"I do understand." His voice dropped so softly that I had to lean a bit closer to hear him. "And don't worry, I won't tell anyone that she is your adopted sister. That's not my business."

While I knew he was trying to be kind, that sent a sharp pang through me. He had specified that she was my adopted sister and it hit hard that very few people would tolerate, much less understand, the true nature of our relationship. It would be our secret, to be shared with only our most loved friends and family.

He boomed again, "Congratulations, Mike," as he vigorously shook my hand.

By the time I returned to Savy, the reception had dwindled to a few lingering groups of people. Max quickly moved around, walking with various people as they left the hall. Savy and I said our goodbyes to our friends.

Eventually, it was just Savy, Max, mom, and myself left in the room.

Mom hadn't moved in the probably 20 minutes since Savy and I had stood in the middle of the room and kissed. She hadn't even wiped her face.

Max started to take a step towards her, but Savy reached out and took his hand, stopping him. She pulled and walked towards the door with him. They stepped outside.

I slowly walked towards mom. Her eyes followed me.

I sat down next to her.

"Mom..."

She turned her head to fully face me. Her voice was steely cold.

"Mike... how could you?"

"Mom... we love each other."

"She was happy again. She had moved on from... your mistake. How could you?"

What the fuck? She blamed me for this. As if there was something to be blamed for. I had felt compassionate towards her, sympathetic to the shock that this must be for her, but that was suddenly replaced with anger.

I wasn't going to play her game, though. I wouldn't tell her that I had resigned myself to a life of regret and sorrow, that Savy came to me and rescued me. I wouldn't give her even the slightest excuse to blame Savy. If she wanted to be angry, she could be angry at me.

"This is real, mom, and it's going to happen. She is the love of my life and I am the love of her life. We tried living apart... and it would never work. We have to be together."

Her voice rose, "You're going to ru..."

She stopped as the door opened and her head shot around to see Savy come in. She didn't finish her thought. Savy walked towards us, her head low and her hair falling softly around her shoulders.

She sat next to me, taking my hand and interlocking our fingers. Mom stared at our hands and her ring before looking back at the two of us.

Her voice was harsh. I could understand shock, confusion, even sorrow, knowing that her children were in love and engaged. I couldn't abide her ire, though.

"You can't do this."

Before I could respond, Savy squeezed my hand and spoke, quietly but firmly.

"Mom, we love you. We would love to have your blessing... but we're not going to ask for your permission."

"Savy, what did he do? Is this why you and Josh broke up?"

"Mike didn't do anything wrong, mom. The only thing he's ever done, for my entire life, is love and support me."

"But Josh..."

"I wasn't meant to be with him. Mike is the only one for me. I can't live my life without him."

"Savy, this will ruin your life. You can't do this. He's your... your... brother."

That caused Savy's voice to rise and show more anger of her own. "No! I won't let you say that. I almost ruined my life when I pushed Mike away. I was shocked when you told us, but I love him. I love him more because he's my brother."

"You don't know what you're saying... this is wrong."

"It's not wrong to follow our hearts, mom."

"I can't... I can't be a part of this." The resignation in her voice, that she was going to choose to not be a part of our lives rather than see us happy, cut like a knife.

Savy was starting to tremble.

"Mom, I want you in our life. I want you there on our wedding day. Please... be happy for us. Celebrate with us."

Mom barely whispered her response, "I can't... no... this is wrong..."

She had been so still for so long that when she suddenly stood, it stunned both of us.

"When you stop this, I'll be there for you, but I won't be a part of this."

Savy's body shook next to me.

"Mom..."

I turned to Savy and pulled her to me, wrapping my arms tightly around her as she broke down and sobbed into my chest. I didn't even care when I heard the door close behind mom as she left, I simply clenched my jaw against the anger inside me.

All I cared about in the world was Savy. I held her to me.

She was still crying, albeit more softly, when I heard the door open. She lifted her head and we both looked to see who it was. A janitor pulled in a cart and said that he needed to lock up for the night.

I looked back at Savy and kissed her forehead. She squeezed her eyes shut and a few more tears flowed before she said softly, "Let's go home."

We kept our promise to each other that no matter what happened, we would go home together.

At home, our home, Savy was still in shock from mom's behavior. When we walked in, we went immediately to our bedroom and I sat her on our bed. I gathered sleeping clothes for her and stood in front of her by the bed.

I lifted her to me and hugged her, then unzipped her dress and let it fall to her feet. I pulled her sweatshirt over her head and then lifted each foot into her sweatpants and pulled them up.

I held her in my arms briefly, and then carefully set her down on the bed, pulling the covers over her. I changed from my suit and slid into bed next to her. She cried in my arms until she fell asleep.

I could understand that it would be difficult for mom to accept our love, but for her to completely shut us out...

We spent the next three days together. Every time she cried, it broke my heart and my anger for mom built. I took care of her the only way I knew how: be there for her and hold her. Physically, I made sure that she ate and slept as much as she could.

On the third day, we each received an email from mom. Savy asked me to read hers with her.

Mom apologized for her reaction at the reception, but said that she was trying to do what was best for us. She was completely convinced that Savy and I getting married would ruin our lives. She tried to explain that she wasn't angry at us, but still couldn't support us.

Her email to me included much of the same thoughts, but was blunter, concluding with the message that it was my "obligation to be the adult and see what the right thing to do was."

After we finished reading and sat processing for a few minutes, Savy spoke first.

"Mike, I want you to respond for both of us."

"Okay..."

"She has a choice: she can support us and be a part of our life or she can believe we're making a mistake and not be a part of our life. Whenever she is ready to accept and support us, we'll invite her back, but until then, she is not welcome to sit and judge us."

I sat at my desk and wrote carefully, but kept that message. Before clicking send, I sighed deeply and Savy reached around me from behind and hugged me.

"You're all I need, Mike. I love you."

"I am yours. I love you, too."

__________

Spring came to Maryland, as it always does, chasing the frigid air of winter away. As the trees and grass turned green and the campuses, both Maryland and NASA, came to life, Savy and I spent more and more time outside. Every weekend that it didn't rain, we walked over to the Mall and sat by the fountain.




Mike & Savy Ch. 11



The first week after Savy's concert, we took some relatively simple steps to decouple our lives from relying on mom. Savy closed her bank account that mom had used to transfer money for her rent and living expenses and we opened a joint account together. Since her scholarship now covered all of her educational expenses, we didn't have to worry about tuition payments or making any changes with the school other than to update her permanent address to our apartment. Deep inside, I hoped that it would send the message to mom about our commitment to each other, that we were entirely serious about spending our lives together.

At the end of February, I attended a therapy session with Savy and Dr. Vargas. Initially, I was nervous about how open Savy was about our relationship, since I didn't know Dr. Vargas, but it was clear that they had a rapport with each other built over some two years.

My first impression was that she was trying to determine the nature of our relationship, even if I had somehow coerced Savy into being with me, but Savy was always quick to answer any questions that even hinted at that and make it clear that she initiated the original relationship and our reconstituted relationship.

Once that was firmly established, we spoke extensively about mom. It was tough on both of us that we had to cut mom out of our lives the way we did. She had always been there for us, during our best and worst times, but as we made the most important decision of our lives, she had failed us.

At times, Savy blamed herself for the way that we announced our engagement after her performance, but I didn't think that mom would have accepted us either way. I understood that there is an incredibly powerful cultural taboo against our relationship, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. At least the anger had faded and now we both mostly just felt sadness.

We both received periodic emails from her, always saying the same thing. She felt bad for her reaction the night of the performance, but she only wants what's best for us. Our reply was always the same, too. We hoped that she would come to our wedding and share in our love.

Still, as distressing as the rending apart of our family was, Savy and I had each other. We also had our friends, who had been like family before, but now were our entire family.

We always did our best at home to make sure Maria never felt like a third wheel. In fact, odd as it may seem, it was perfectly natural for us to have her spending time with us. She seemed to have no concerns about sitting in the living room with us while we watched TV and cuddled together. I got to see what Savy had often raved about when Maria brought food from her family's home. A few times, we joined her for family gatherings and had wonderful times being so welcomed into their home.

I think we both would have spent some time every day with Jeff and Mia if we could. Savy and Mia often went off on their own while Jeff and I played a round of golf or just bummed around on a weekend. During the week, the four of us had long email chains, joking with each other or talking about various things that were going on.

As long as Savy and I were together, we were happy.

__________

In late March, Savy and I were enjoying a warm, lazy morning. We laid naked in bed, drinking coffee and eating muffins as the warm spring breeze carried in the wonderful aroma of fresh grass and flowers through our open window.

As we ate, we inevitably dropped crumbs and I would bend down, gently using my lips to pick up any crumbs I could find that landed on her wonderful skin, leaving a trail of kisses across her belly and supple breasts before sitting up.

At times, I found myself sitting and staring at this incredible woman lying beside me until she would reach up and carefully stroke my cheek with her delicate fingers. As she reached up to me one more time, I caught her hand and held it in mine before kissing her ring.

"Savy, I love you."

She beamed her wonderful smile back at me. "I love you, too."

"I've been thinking..."

"About?"

"I don't want to wait."

"For?"

"To marry you. I don't want to wait until after you graduate or after I get my master's. There will always be something next, whether it's school, a job, or whatever. It's just... whatever is next, will always be with you. Whatever is next, I want you to be my wife when it happens. Let's get married this summer, or even this spring... as soon as possible."

She pulled me down to her and kissed me deeply.

Gradually, our kiss became increasingly passionate and she pulled me tightly to her, until her breasts were pressed firmly against my chest. She rolled to her back and spread her legs. I stayed with her, moving until I was laying gently on top of her. Our lips never broke contact.

I could feel her hips gently thrust up against me and my now rigid member was resting against her opening, almost begging to be thrust inside. But first, I wanted to take care of her.

I broke our kiss and trailed my lips along her chin, around to her ear, and whispered, "I love you," before lightly kissing down her neck and around her collarbone. I slid my tongue out from between my lips and traced a small trail across her smooth skin until I approached her nipple. I drew circles around her nipple, feeling the slightly bumpy skin of her areola giving gently under the soft pressure of my tongue.

Her nipple stood erect, a beautiful dark brown against the creamy tan of her skin. I sucked it into my mouth, pinching it between my lips and flicking my tongue back and forth across the very tip.

While my lips and tongue took turns working on her spectacular breasts and nipples, I traced the contours of her impeccable body with my fingertips. From her arms and down her sides, feeling the swell of her breasts give way to her petite waist. My hands drifted further each path up and down her body, across her hip bone and around to the ample curve of her rear, then along the front of her thighs, tracing the line where her leg met her pelvis.

I took my time, savoring the taste and feel of her skin wherever I touched her, with my tongue, my lips, my fingers, or my body. Eventually, I left her perfect nipples behind, kissing down into the valley between her breasts and then along her belly. I placed a kiss on her belly button and briefly thought to myself that someday, she would be the mother of my children.

As my lips explored lower, her hands came to the back of my head and gently tickled the soft hair at the nape of my neck. She had this way of just barely touching the hair with the tips of her fingers, sending shivers down my neck and to my spine.

I felt her soft pubic hair against my chin and could start to smell the sweet musk of her body as arousal took control of her. My tongue flicked out, lightly licking the creamy skin of her thighs on either side, her hips pushing towards me as I did so.

I wanted to tease her for longer, but I simply couldn't resist. With one long, slow motion, my tongue made contact with the bottom of her very moist slit and licked all the way up until I pressed on the firm bud of her clitoris. A quiet, long moan escaped from Savy and I looked up to see her eyes closed and mouth open.

She always tasted incredible to me and I greedily lapped at her juices. I flattened my tongue to collect as much of her as I could as I licked along her opening and then used just the tip to swirl around and flick across her clit. This wasn't about teasing, this was about bringing her to release and feeling her body lose control.

Her thighs squeezed against my head as I worked her, alternating between hard and soft, firm and gentle. I used my hands to protect myself, to keep her from completely suffocating me. Her own hands were moving back and forth between my head, pulling my hair a little before releasing and grasping more firmly onto the sheets.

I rested my hand on her chest, between her breasts, and felt both her breathing and her heartbeat increasing in pace. Just a little more... I pulled her clit between my lips, sucking hard enough that my jaw strained while my tongue flicked back and forth across the little nub as fast as I could.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh," she moaned loudly as her thighs pinched against my head. She climaxed and her wetness on my face as her body went completely rigid. Through her entire orgasm, I continued sucking on her clit, refusing to let up on the pressure.

I pulled my hand down from her breasts and traced my finger along her soaked lips, wetting my skin.

Slowly, I pushed my finger inside of her, never losing any contact between my lips and her clit.

"Oh... ugh..." She was incomprehensible, which was exactly my goal.

I pulled my finger out just as slowly.

"Good... so good," she cooed.

Before she could come down from her orgasm, I pushed two fingers back into her, her body easily, which greedily accepted them. I curled both of my fingers up and rubbed against the tender area inside of her that shared the same nerves as her clitoris, still being licked and sucked on in my mouth.

She whimpered as her body was completely overwhelmed.

I released her clitoris from my mouth and relaxed my fingers inside of her. I felt her body relax slightly as I let up on her. I counted to three in my head.

At the count of three, I lunged back towards her and took her clit in my mouth again, furiously pressing my tongue against her with more pressure than ever. My fingers straightened and curled inside of her, probing every part of her vagina.

I felt another flood of wetness as her body tensed again. She groaned loudly as another orgasm crashed into her.

I could feel her muscles rapidly contracting around my fingers and she struggled to break contact and relieve the stimulation on her, but I held my arm tightly around her thigh to prevent her from escaping.

"No, no... too much," she groaned.

She tried to push me away with her hands, but I wasn't going to be deterred. One more, I thought to myself. I knew that I didn't need to do anything different, just keep up the pressure on her and inside her.

I straightened my fingers until they were as far inside as I could reach, then pressed them firmly up against the ceiling of her vagina, before curling them back towards her opening.

My mouth was firmly attached to her and I sucked her clit between my lips, until I could ever so lightly pull it between my teeth. I rotated between using my lips, my teeth, and my tongue to stimulate her, trying to provide contrasting sensations every few seconds.

Her head jerked to the side and she shrieked quickly before a loud moan escaped her lips. Her hips jerked away from me and my lips lost contact for a moment before locking back onto her. Her juices rushed down my fingers, buried inside her, soaking my hand and the sheet below.

Her petite body writhed on the bed. As soon as I let go of her and withdrew my fingers, she turned on her side and curled into a ball. I worried that I had pushed her too far and moved up behind her, pressing my chest to her back, as she struggled to recover.

"Savy... are you okay?"

I watched her delicate hands, clenching into fists.

After a few minutes, she turned and faced me. She reached behind my head and pulled me to her until her tongue parted my lips and thrust against my own.

When she finally broke away from our kiss, her eyes locked onto mine and the corners of her mouth turned slightly up.

"You will do that to me again."

"Oh really?" I teased her.

"Yes. I demand it. But now, I need something different..."

Her voice trailed off and I watched her body as she rose to her hands and knees. I expected her to move over me to her favorite position, but she didn't, she stayed beside me. I took my eyes off of her body just long enough to see her smile devilishly at me. She wiggled her hips, shaking her rear.

I needed no second invitation.

I pushed myself up and crawled behind her. Her butt formed a perfectly shaped heart from her narrow waist around to where her labia was swollen and glistening. I kissed the small of her back, then back and forth I kissed down each of cheeks until my nose was pressed against her wet opening again. I took one last long taste of her wonderful juices, eliciting a low moan from her.

I couldn't wait any longer, though, and positioned myself behind her. I took my member, hard as titanium, in my hand and touched the tip against her lips. She was so wet and ready for me, that without any pressure at all, the head slipped inside. She pushed her hips back before I could even react and half of my shaft was inside her, too.

With one thrust, I was completely enveloped by her. My hips were pressed against her rear and I could feel pressure on the head of my penis as I bottomed out inside her. I had to squeeze around the base of my shaft just to keep from finishing right there. 

I took a moment to let my eyes drift along her body. Her long hair hung to either side of her head, leaving her flawless back completely bare. Her skin was an incredible honeyed tan and I could make out just the hint of her breasts peeking out from either side. My hands instinctively went to her svelte waist, pressing my palms against her supple skin and grasping her firmly with my fingers.

I slowly withdrew until I was completely out of her. My erection stuck straight out in front of me and needed no guidance to press against her again. I easily slid back inside, eliciting a groan of approval from both of us as her wetness and tightness encompassed me.

I began rhythmically withdrawing and thrusting back into her, watching myself disappear inside of my Savy. Each time I entered her, she thrust her hips back against me until the flesh of her rear and my hips slapped together.

I wanted her to have her pleasure though. I let go of her hip and reached around her, between her legs, until my finger found her hard little clit. After sliding down to wet my finger on the mixture of her juices and my pre-cum, I pressed my fingertip against her clit.

"Yesssss..." she hissed at me.

I slid my other hand up from her hip and cupped her breast, pressing my palm against her firm nipple, and pulled her up to me until her back was pressed against my chest. Her hair slithered between us and with one shake of her head, much of it flew over my shoulders and cascaded down my back, introducing a new sensation to our lovemaking.

Because of our height difference, I had to move my legs closer together and sit back on my haunches, while she kept her legs outside of mine and rested her rear on my thighs. I hadn't planned it that way, but she suddenly found herself in control again as my thrusting ability was limited in that position. She used her thighs to lift herself up and then drop herself back down onto me.

I locked my lips onto her neck, sucking and gently nibbling. I let my hand wander across her breasts, cupping one then the other, teasing her nipples, and holding her to me by her taut belly. All the while I vigorously fingered her clit in a race to bring her another orgasm before I couldn't hold back anymore.

I wish I could say that I was some kind of sex god, capable of inhuman feats of sexual stamina. Unfortunately, I am but a man. This incredible creature underneath me, the love of my life and a sexual goddess in her own right, wouldn't allow that, at least not until I was entirely spent and she could use me as she pleased.

With each bounce on me, she grunted and squealed. The bed was now creaking beneath us, bearing the impact of our weight driving down into the mattress through my knees. Her quickening pace was going to break me.

She pulled off of me one more time and slammed down with enough force to send a small jolt of pain through my body.

"Unnnnnngggggg..."

She let out a guttural groan of pleasure and I felt wetness run down my shaft, coating my balls and thighs. With her orgasm, I couldn't hold back any more and came inside her with a loud groan of my own. I lost count of the spasms racing through me as I released spurt after spurt.

We collapsed forward in a heap on the bed in a tangle of hair, arms, legs, and bodies. I quickly lost consciousness and fell into a restful sleep, much needed after the physical exertion.

I woke up on my side, spooning Savy as she curled up pressing her back to my chest. I ran my hand along her body, tracing her wonderful curves with my finger. She immediately turned her head back to me and kissed me.

When we broke, she said the words that I live by, "I love you."

I pressed my lips to her ear.

"You know, you didn't answer my question."

She quickly turned back to look at me again.

"I didn't?"

"Well, it wasn't so much a question as a request."

Her eyes flickered back and forth on mine. She had forgotten what we were talking about before our love making.

"I don't want to wait. I want to marry you this year... as soon as possible, even."

Now she turned her entire body to face me and pressed her forehead to mine. I could feel her warm breath on my lips as she whispered to me.

"Yes."

__________

Our wedding would be May 31, the second weekend after the end of the semester. It would give us enough time to plan and invite friends, as well as a short buffer from the end of classes.

We reveled in making our preparations together, deciding on a location, guest list, and various other necessary things to do.

One of the most important tasks was to determine the legality of our marriage. We would go through with the ceremony either way, as nothing would keep us apart, but we wanted to look into if there was a way for us to be legally married in the eyes of the state.

Our first step was to take a trip to Norfolk, where Savy was born. At the records office, we requested a copy of her birth certificate. What it said would determine whether we could proceed or not. When the clerk returned with a legal copy of her birth certificate, Savy clasped her hands to her mouth.

The birth certificate reported a file number, Savy's full name using her mother's maiden name, her place of birth as Norfolk, and her mother's information. It was the most information she had ever learned about her mother.

For her, our, father's information, there was nothing.

Outside of her adoption records, which were sealed as her adoption occurred prior to 2000, there was nothing that we needed to present in order to get a marriage certificate that would tie us together as adoptive siblings, much less half-brother and half-sister.

We drove to Williamsburg that afternoon, walking along the living history street hand in hand, before eating dinner outside on a beautiful spring evening. That night, we made love, one step closer to being husband and wife.

Back at home, after a maddening amount of frustrating research, we were unable to unambiguously figure out if Maryland would view adoptive siblings getting married as a criminal act.

The strongest indication one way or the other was a memo from the assistant Attorney General in 1989, which included the most important words we had ever read: "In conclusion, Family Law Article, S2-202 does not prohibit a marriage between a man and a woman related as brother and sister solely by reason of adoption."

From the establishment of the law in 1777 until 1984, adoptive relationships were considered equivalent to consanguinity. However, in 1984, Maryland updated the Family Law Article, separating blood and legal relationships.

We decided that it was a risk we were willing to take.

A week later, we were preparing our invitations for our relatively limited guest list.

"Savy, I'm just about done here, but I think we should do one more."

"For who?"

"Mom."

She looked up at me, her face clouded over and her eyes were full of sadness. She walked to me and stood behind me, setting a blank invitation in front of me before wrapping her arms around my shoulders. She held me while I filled out the invitation.




Mike & Savy Ch. 11



I didn't know if mom would reply, much less come. I hoped that when she saw the invitation, it would be the clearest demonstration that with or without her support we were going to be together forever. Maybe, just maybe, that would break through the wall she had built between us with her... reservations.

The next morning, Savy held my hand as I carried the invitations to the mailbox and dropped them in. I turned to her and we kissed.

Throughout the rest of the spring, we continued with our lives. It seemed like every minute of the past two and a half years, there had been some kind of weight on our shoulders. For the first time, it felt like we were almost care free. Setting a date for our wedding gave us a certain sense of freedom.

Savy continued giving concerts, albeit with less frequency. She only gave two during the semester after her Valentine's performance, despite massive demand for more shows. She performed with the orchestra once and with piano accompaniment as a fundraiser for the school.

There were some protestations from Max about the reduced load, but in the end she convinced him that all would be well and she'd return to a more regular performance schedule in the fall. Between her increased biology coursework and planning for our wedding, she was reaching the limit of hours in a day.

For the first time in my career, I was a co-author on a paper published in a scientific journal. Goddard often takes a backseat to the more visible NASA centers around the country, whether it's the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California or the home of the astronaut corps in Houston. The work we had been doing on the Van Allen belts resulted in a nice publicity boost for the excellent work that Goddard does.

Despite all of this, the times we treasured most were when we set aside work, music, school, and even wedding plans. We delighted in simply being together.

There were nights when we walked in the cool evening air to our special places around campus. We could sit and talk for hours or I would simply hold her in my arms while we watched the world go by. When it got late, we'd walk home, hand in hand, and make love.

Other nights, we did the things that we had always dreamed of doing together. 

In April, Savy and I went to our first Opening Day at Camden Yards. She was absolutely adorable, wearing tight khaki shorts, a fitted orange Orioles t-shirt, and her favorite Orioles hat on a beautifully clear day. We never stopped holding hands as she cuddled against me for the duration of the game. After a thrilling walk-off win, we made our way home.

She talked for the entire drive, recalling the game in vivid detail. Close pitches she thought were called the wrong way. Inconsequential two out singles. All of it. She was reliving the tenth inning when we walked into our bedroom.

I took her in my arms and slowly lifted her t-shirt over her head, revealing her perfect breasts. She rarely wore a bra, not needing the support and seeming to revel in catching my eyes focusing on her perky nipples poking through the thin fabric of whatever shirt or dress she was wearing.

I moved down her body, placing small kisses between her breasts and over her belly. As I fell to my knees, I unbuttoned her shorts and slid them down, along with her panties.

She stood before me naked. Flawless.

She stepped backwards until she was against the bed, then sat down.

"Are you coming?"

I ripped my shirt over my head and struggled out of my shorts without even unbuttoning them. In moments, I was laying next to her in bed, placing delicate kisses along her body.

"Make love to me." She was completely intoxicating when she commanded me. It was my weakness and she knew it.

I moved back up her body from where I had been nuzzling her breasts. She immediately reached down and I felt her slender fingers around my erection, guiding me to her. She rubbed my head up and down. I could feel her wetness lubricating me.

When she stopped and held me against her, I pushed my hips forward and my head slid inside. I carefully and gently pushed further, seeking her warmth. After a few thrusts, I was fully enveloped.

My mouth found hers and we kissed as I laid still inside her. When she reached down and grasped my butt with her hands, I withdrew slightly and thrust back into her. What started as short, shallow strokes, evolved into longer, slower, sensual lovemaking.

I could feel her body moving under me. She rolled her hips against me, changing the angles each time I pushed fully into her.

We moved against each other, her soft skin touching my body from the tips of her fingers tracing my back, to her thighs pinching against my hips. 

I listened to the sounds of her soft moans as her body responded to mine. I withdrew and slid back into her in rhythm with her breathing, our bodies synchronizing to each other.

When Savy pressed her lips to my ear and whispered, "I love you," I groaned and released myself inside her.

There were times when we let ourselves go in bed, exhausting each other before collapsing thoroughly satisfied. Yet, when we made slow, sweet love, we were equally satisfied, having shared ourselves completely.

__________

The Bay Bridge faded behind us as Savy and I drove back to the Eastern Shore. In less than twenty-four hours, she would finally be my wife.

We checked in at our hotel and I waited patiently at the hotel bar while Savy changed upstairs for our rehearsal dinner. When she arrived, every head in the room turned to watch her walk in. From top to bottom, she was immaculate.

Her hair was pulled back in a twist behind her shoulders, falling down among her remaining free hair, which flowed behind her. She had on just the slightest bit of makeup, her natural beauty outshining anything and everything.

She wore a ruby red sundress, with spaghetti straps over her shoulders, and a moderate V in front, revealing an alluring amount of cleavage. The bodice clung tightly to her petite frame, with a lace pattern tying above her waist, revealing little windows to her caramel skin. The dress hung loosely over her hips and rear, flowing down to her knees. She wore simple black sandals with low heels.

The second she took my hand, everyone in the bar seemed to exhale, as if they had been holding their breath at the sight of this incredible woman. I leaned close to kiss her.

I held my cheek close to her and said quietly, "You're absolutely incredible."

Her loving smile was all the response I needed.

I texted Jeff to let him know that we were on our way to the restaurant and would be there in five minutes. He was waiting out front for us when we arrived.

I got out and went around the truck, opening the door for Savy and taking her hand in mine to help her down. I watched in awe as she slid out of the truck, her dress riding up and revealing her silky smooth thighs, before falling back to her knees as her feet hit the ground.

Before going inside, Jeff smiled warmly as he greeted us both with hugs. Few people knew as much about us, what we had been through, as Jeff. Inside, Savy and I paused for a moment while Jeff went into our reserved room first. I held her in my arms until we heard applause. We walked in together, her hand in mine.

Inside, two dozen of our most loved friends stood for us as we walked to our seats at the front of the room.

The evening was absolutely incredible. We thanked everyone profusely for sharing in such a special event with us. We ate a spectacular dinner of blue crab and flounder, sweet corn and other local vegetables.

While we ate, a slideshow that Mia had prepared with pictures of Savy and I, from childhood to just a few weeks before our wedding, ran on a television screen on the wall. I felt a brief pang of guilt when the picture of me in Marseilles, the Mediterranean in the background, slid by, but I knew that for better or worse, our time apart was a part of who we were.

I was leaning over and kissing Savy's cheek when she squeezed my leg, hard.

"Ow!"

"Mike..." She gasped more than she spoke.

"Savy, what is it?"

Before she could answer, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Jeff, the smile gone from his face. He nodded and I followed the direction of his gaze.

Standing just inside the door was mom.

I froze as about a hundred conflicting emotions surged through me.

Savy started to rise from her chair, but I pressed on her thigh to keep her seated.

"Let me."

I was going to find out what mom was doing here before letting her speak to Savy. I wouldn't let her say a single thing that would take away from this weekend for Savy. I stood up and walked around the table, squeezing Savy's shoulder gently before I was out of reach. Mia moved to my seat, so that Savy was sitting between her and Maria.

I watched mom's face as I approached her. I couldn't read her, but I could see her blink hard, forcing a tear down her cheek. I held out my arm, directing her towards the door. The conversation we needed to have couldn't happen in front of everyone.

Mom looked up at me, fearful.

I kept my voice low and calm. "I'm not asking you to leave. We need to talk outside."

She turned and I followed her through the door. Outside she faced me.

"Mom. Why are you here?"

"Mike, I'm sorry."

"You've said you're sorry a dozen times, but that doesn't change the fact that you can't be happy for us, can't support us."

"No... no. I really am sorry. I've been selfish. I... I... shouldn't have walked away."

I shifted from one foot to the other. I wasn't in the mood for another lecture on how it was my fault, how I was ruining our lives.

"No mother wants to learn that her children are... in a relationship. It's just... not done. But I shouldn't have put my own distress ahead of the two of you. You're my children and I love you. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you. I want you to be happy."

"Mom, we are happy... together. It's the only way we can be happy."

"I know. I know now. When I got your invitation, it wasn't just abstract anymore, it was real. You two... you're... family, but you're more. I should have seen it, given you a chance to show me..."

Her voice trailed off and she covered her face with her hands.

"Mike, I'm so ashamed. I should have supported you. I failed you both."

She was trying to apologize, but I wanted to be completely clear.

"Mom, do you want us to be happy?"

"Yes."

"Do you see that we are happy together?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to be a part of our lives?"

"Yes. I've missed you."

"Wait here."

I went back to the door and went inside. Mia and Maria were both leaning close to Savy. Her eyes were already on me. I moved to her, giving her a small smile. When I was next to her, I took her hand.

"Come with me."

She rose to her feet and stayed close to me as we walked to the door, her entire body pressed against my arm. I pushed open the door and turned to mom. She was wiping her eyes with a tissue.

Savy's voice was soft and girlish, full of fear. "Mom..."

"Savannah, honey, I'm so sorry."

Mom broke down in tears.

I leaned to Savy and whispered in her ear, "It's okay."

I let go of Savy's hand and she stepped into mom's embrace.

"I'm so sorry, baby girl. I love you. Please forgive me. I want you to be happy. I want you to... be with Mike."

We talked for several minutes, mom telling Savy what she had told me. She would be there for us now and she would support us. Mom hugged both of us and we walked into the dinner together. She sat and cried as pictures of Savy and I flashed on the screen. We took turns sitting with her and telling her the story of our love.

It was easy for us to welcome mom back into our lives. The pain and anger resulting from her reaction to our engagement, the sadness of having her out of our lives for a few months, wasn't more important than the years she had been there for us. We never wanted to cut her out, but we had to protect ourselves. The minute she could see our love, see what we meant to each other, we welcomed her with open arms.

Our family was whole again.

Two hours later, I sat in the hotel bar with Jeff, nursing a beer.

I had said goodnight to mom, who went back to Salisbury, but promised to be at the wedding.

Savy and I held each other as we said goodnight, preparing to spend our first night apart since the night before she told me that she still loved me on that cold January day. Given the uniqueness of our marriage, it was kind of odd for us to choose to honor that tradition, but there it is.

"It's been a long path for you, Mike."

I looked over at him and smiled.

"It's just starting for us."

I took a long sip of beer.

"Thanks for being there for us, every step of the way."

He patted me on the shoulder.

I woke up the next morning well before my alarm and watched the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean. I laid in bed, trying to get a few more hours of sleep, but the excitement coursing through me was too intense. I eventually gave up.

I texted Jeff and he came over to my room, where we sat drinking coffee on the balcony, watching the waves break on the beach below. Around lunchtime, we made our way downstairs and talked over crab cakes, as various friends filtered through the hotel restaurant and greeted us.

Every time I closed my eyes, even briefly, I tried to picture Savy walking towards me as I waited for her. I knew, without a doubt, that she would be magnificent.

In the afternoon, I returned to my room to get ready and less than an hour later, Jeff and I were driving south along the coast. We pulled into a parking lot on Assateague Island and spotted two large tents on the beach.

Jeff and I walked together to where Savy and I would be married. As we passed between the two tents, Jeff stopped and I walked further onto the beach alone. I passed down the aisle between the rows of chairs and to a simple trellis, with white roses woven in the latticework. I crouched down and picked up a handful of sand, letting it flow between my fingers, before writing Savy's name and smiling to myself.

I stood up and turned to walk back to Jeff. We walked around one tent as he showed me various preparations and we talked about the details of the ceremony. The other tent was where Savy, Mia, and Maria were getting ready. As I walked past, I touched the canvas of the tent and smiled, thinking how close I was to her.

Guests began to arrive and Jeff hustled around, seating most of them. When mom arrived, I held out my arm and she let me escort her to her seat in the front row. Before I could leave, she held my arm for a moment.

"Mike, thank you for letting me be here."

"We want you here mom. We always did. Thank you for coming."

And then I waited.

I stood to the side of one tent, out of view of the guests. It was an incredible day that I couldn't have scripted better, hovering around 80˚F with a gentle cool breeze coming off of the water and across the beach. The azure of the sky melted into the dark blue of the ocean on the horizon.

I thought about the times that I had stood on the beach in Spain, looking out over the sea, wishing that I could have done something, anything, to have Savy standing next to me. In a few minutes, she would stand next to me and become my wife.

I remembered, with incredibly vivid clarity, the summer after she graduated from high school when we spent almost every minute together. I could see her sitting next to me at a Shorebirds game, her hair spreading out beneath a baseball hat or flying behind her as she jumped up to cheer.

My mind moved forward, to her first day on campus and how the only thing she wanted was to spend that time with me. She fell asleep in my arms and when I drove her to her dorm, she kissed me. That kiss changed my entire world.

I could feel her skin against mine, from the first time we made love to her fingers in my hand as I slid her ring onto her finger on a cold November night.

I looked down at my feet, half buried in the sand, as I thought about the night we learned the truth about us and the devastating impact on us, on her. It was a part of the path that brought us here, to our wedding day.

I had gone away to try and discover myself again, learn who I would be for the rest of my life. In the end, I had only learned that my life was meaningless without her. She had recovered and even thrived in my absence, though. As much as that hurt, when I had watched her perform, I couldn't contain my adoration of her.

The pain of that time would always be a part of me and I would cherish every second with Savy more because I had felt what my life would be like without her, the indescribable suffering of losing her.

She had everything and I had nothing.

Until she came back to me. She risked everything that she had worked for to reach down and pick me up, pull me out of the darkness of a life without her. Her love for me rescued me. Somehow, through everything, through all of the changes in our lives, we found each other.

It couldn't be any other way.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard a voice. "Mike, are you ready?"

I turned around and Jeff was waiting for me.

"Yeah."

I came around the corner of the tent and saw that all of the seats were filled with our guests. Jeff and I made our way to the front, various friends smiling and laughing as we went. I stopped and bent down to mom, giving her a kiss on the cheek, before taking my place. I shook the hand of our officiant, Nancy.

I turned and waited.

Stepping out of the tent first was one of Savy's friends from the music program. I had only briefly met her at a reception after one of Savy's performances with the orchestra, but we had decided that having her play at our wedding would be perfect. Savy worked with her, arranging a modern song in a classical style.

She took her place to the side and bowed to me before raising her violin and playing "All of Me".

As soon as the music started, the tent opened again and Mia stepped out wearing a beautiful gold bridesmaid dress. She began walking slowly down the aisle between the seats. A few feet after her, Maria appeared and followed her.

I held my breath, waiting for my first glimpse of Savy. Throughout all of our planning, she hadn't let me see her dress or even hinted at its design.

And then she appeared.

How do you describe the love of your life, on the day of your wedding? She is perfection.

Time stopped as she stepped forward into the waning sunlight, the sky to the west behind her now changing into soft oranges and reds. Everyone gasped as she moved down the aisle.

Her bare feet sunk into the sand, obscuring her brightly painted red toenails.

Her dress was pure white, standing in stark contrast to her dark hair and caramel skin. The cut itself was simple, strapless and formed to her body, only slightly loosening around her hips. It was cut down below her knees at tea length and flowed gently as she walked, hanging slightly lower in the back than in the front.

The material was absolutely spectacular. Over an inner layer of satin, lace was intricately woven in and out, crossing back and forth, for the entire length of her dress. It was complex, elegant, and spectacular.

Her hair was entirely free and formed a veil behind her as it blew softly in the breeze. A wreath of white flowers sat atop her head. She wore a blue sapphire pendant around her neck and carried a bouquet of white calla lilies clasped in her hands at her waist.

And of course, that smile. Every part of her was smiling, from her lips stretched wide revealing her perfect white teeth to her wonderful dark eyes.

She was entirely flawless. She is my Savy, my love.

She reached me and I held out my hand for her, her fingers sliding gracefully into mine. She handed her bouquet to Maria and we turned until we were facing each other and the ocean. I couldn't stop myself from lightly rubbing her fingers, tracing the outlines with my fingertips.




Mike & Savy Ch. 12



 Note to Readers: This is the twelfth chapter of a series and is presented from Savy's point of view.

This chapter covers the same period as Chapter 11 and many of the same events. The differences are primarily in perspective and the level of detail devoted to certain events.

*****

I hadn't seen Josh since New Year's Eve in North Carolina. In the few weeks since the spring semester had started, we hadn't run into each other in the performing arts center and had no classes in common.

I had emailed him once in January offering to meet him for lunch if he wanted to talk, but he never responded. I ended up giving the box of his things that I had collected to a mutual friend from ensemble to return to him

Now he was standing next to mom on the day of my engagement to Mike.

I froze. What do I do? What do I say? Why is he here now?

My eyes found Mike, right next to me. His hand was on my arm and I felt his fingers gently squeeze me.

Behind me, I heard Max.

"Mike, may I borrow your sister for a moment?"

I swiveled to look at him. He wasn't smiling, but he had his usual friendly and determined demeanor.

I felt Mike's breath on my ear.

"Don't worry, I'll be right here."

I didn't want to step away from him for even a moment, away from the strength that he gave me, but I knew that I had to.

"Okay."

Just that one moment with him comforted me. He would always be there for me, there was no need to worry.

I allowed Max to direct me towards tables with guests. I had done this before and tonight would be no different. I would smile and graciously thank them for their support of both myself and the music program.

Max lead me from table to table as I shook hands with countless people and thanked them for their compliments.

"Savannah, you were absolutely unbelievable. Thank you so much."

"Savannah, you have an incredible future ahead of you."

I tried to ensure that every person had at least a few moments of personal time, but I was constantly trying to position myself so that my eyes could seek out Mike. I had lost sight of him for a few minutes and when I tried to find mom, she was gone, too. Were they talking? I wanted to be there when we told her...

Eventually, I saw mom walk into the room, followed by Mike. She didn't look overly happy, but she didn't seem to be distraught or upset, either. I immediately doubted that he had told her about us. As he walked behind her, Mike focused his eyes on me and smiled broadly.

I could hear him in my mind when his lips formed the words, "I love you."

I smiled back at him.

I love you, too. I want everyone to know.

Mike and mom returned to their table while I continued mingling with Max. Every time I caught Mike's eye, he smiled at me and the apprehension I had about the conversations that needed to happen with both Josh and mom melted away. Whenever I wasn't shaking hands with someone, my right hand held my left and I ran my fingers over my ring.

Finally, I had greeted everyone and I could return to my friends and family. I focused on Mike as I walked to their table. He sat straight up in his chair, his suit jacket hanging perfectly off of his frame.

Mom rose to greet me first, throwing her arms around me and saying, "Savannah, I'm so proud of you."

I thanked her and received similar compliments from Jeff, Mia, and Maria with hugs of their own. I laughed when Mia said I looked like a model and didn't seem to want to let me go. Maria and I were the same age, so our relationship was more equal in a sense, but Mia always seemed to be my proud older sister. I loved both of them and looked forward to asking them to be my bridesmaids.

Then I was next to Mike. My instinct was to throw myself into his embrace, but I saw Josh out of the corner of my eye. This couldn't be easy for him and I didn't want to make things any harder. I was fully aware now of the impact I had had on Mike when he had to see me with Josh. 

Mike's hand was on my forearm and I felt his fingertips on my bare skin. I yearned for his touch, always. He leaned close to me and whispered quietly in my ear, "I love you." Even when we were being coy about our relationship with others around, he found little ways to touch my heart with the simplest of gestures.

I wanted to kiss him, but I held myself back. I simply looked up at him and said, "Thank you."

I sighed softly to myself and moved around the table. Josh rose to face me. I felt a wave of guilt, knowing that I had once been the one to bring a lopsided sheepish grin to his face, but now he simply gave me a blank look, devoid of emotion.

"Josh, will you come talk with me?"

He barely nodded.

I turned and headed for the door while Josh followed a few steps behind. In the hallway, there just wasn't enough privacy for what we needed to say, so I quickly turned to him and said, "Let's go to the hall." Again, his response was just the slightest nod. My heels clicked on the floor and reverberated through the hallway as we walked.

I stepped into the hall where I had just performed while wearing Mike's ring. I went to the stage and turned my back before hopping up and sitting on the edge. My hands rested on my lap.

I watched as Josh moved to the edge of the stage, too. He leaned against it, several yards away from where I sat.

I knew what I needed to say, but was trying to figure out the exact words, when he spoke. It was the first time I had heard his voice since he had walked out of the room after I had broken his heart.

"Savannah, I'm sorry if I startled you. Max asked me to come tonight and I went back and forth on whether or not I should. It was good to see you play again."

We sat quietly for a moment and I collected my thoughts.

"I'm so sorry about what happened."

His quiet response broke my heart. I looked directly at him, watching all of his reactions. He made steady eye contact with me for the first time.

"I'm sorry that I asked you to leave that night. I shouldn't have. I should have stayed and talked to you."

"You didn't do anything wrong. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I had been avoiding everything that had happened with Mike for so long, for years, but then when I confronted it..."

"You feel about him the way I feel about you."

I felt my jaw tremble. Oh no, I hope not. I truly hoped that I wasn't the one for him.

"Josh, you'll find someone, someone who can make you happy and will never hurt you, someone you can love and have a beautiful family with."

That had to sound like a horrible, empty platitude to him. I hoped against hope that it was true. He deserved that life. Maybe he and I could have been happy together, but it wasn't meant to be.

"I'll never stop loving you."

"I know. I'll never stop loving you, either. You will always be so special to me. What happens in the future doesn't change or take away the time that we had together, the happiness that you gave me."

His lips were pressed tightly together and tears began running down his face.

"I'll never forgive myself for hurting you, because I want you to be happy."

He wiped the back of his hand along his cheeks. We sat quietly, with me watching him while he only gave quick glances in my direction. My heart broke for him; he deserved so much better than this.

Finally, he sighed deeply and moved away from the stage, walking to me and standing directly in front of me. He looked down at my hands and saw my ring.

"You're going to marry him."

I ran my fingers over my ring.

"Yes."

"I want you to be happy, too. I wish it were with me, but I want you to have everything you want in life."

Oh Josh... you're such a good person. 

He shuffled his feet and his legs were nearly touching my dangling feet. He leaned forward and I watched as he came closer to me. He softly pressed his lips to my cheek and then stood straight.

His voice was soft, "I love you. Goodbye, Savannah."

"Goodbye, Josh."

I had one brief moment to see the sadness written on his face before he turned away from me. I watched every step until he turned the corner and was out of sight. I closed my eyes and felt tears run down my cheeks as I heard the door open and then swing close, clicking shut.

I would still see him around the music program, even if not in class or ensemble, then possibly just from running into each other in the performing arts center. I knew it would be impossible for us to rebuild any kind of friendship, but if I did see him, I would do my best to be a friendly face.

I sat and cried, remembering so many of the moments that we had together.

After some time, I heard the door open again. I needed the jolt, because it had been long enough that it was time for me to return to the reception.

I looked up to see Mike coming towards me. My Mike. 

Thank you for coming for me.

He walked slowly towards me and I tried to smile just a bit at him. He looked wonderful in his suit and some of my sadness was lifted as I felt the love for him that was so central to who I am.

He sat next to me on the edge of the stage and I pushed myself as close to him as I could before sliding my arm around his and resting my head on his shoulder. Being with him is the single most comforting thing in my life.

He asked me, "You okay?"

I looked up at him, into his beautiful eyes, and he leaned down to kiss me gently.

"I will be."

I will always be okay as long as I have you.

"I love you, Mike."

I laid my head on his shoulder again and felt his cheek rest on top of my head. There would be time to tell him what Josh and I had talked about, but for now, I just needed to be near him. I felt my confidence return as the aura of his love surrounded me. 

I slipped off the stage and stood before him, sliding my hands around his. I smiled at him.

"I'm going to marry you."

He moved to his feet and enveloped me in his arms.

"Yes, you are, because you are the love of my life and that's the only way it can be."

The only way it can be. From the moment I was brought into his life, this was our destiny. We have so many choices to make in life, but it was never a choice for me to love him. He would always be everything to me.

My hand found his and our fingers interlocked. We walked together back to the reception.

At the door to the reception room, I felt Mike's fingers loosen their grip on me.

No. It's time. It's time for everyone to know about our love, to know that I would be his wife, that everything I do is for him.

I held his hand firmly and looked up at him.

"It's okay," I assured him.

His fingers tightened around mine again and he pushed open the door for me. This moment was everything to me.

As soon as we moved from the mildly lit hallway into the bright reception, I felt the eyes of everyone on me, on us. I lead Mike to the center of the room, never taking my eyes off of him. I stopped and turned to face him as he looked down into my eyes. Everything about him, his kindness, his intelligence, his height and his subtle strength... everything soothed me and gave me confidence. He made me a better person, simply by being with me.

I pulled down on his hand as I stood up on my toes and my lips found his. I kissed him and felt the security of his love. 

When I backed away and stood before him, the brief look of shock on his face was immediately replaced by a wonderful smile. I could feel a smile creep across my mouth, spreading to my cheeks, my eyes, and my entire body. 

We'll never be apart again.

I saw Mike's eyes move to the side and I turned my head to follow his gaze to see Max. Now is the moment.

I held up my left hand towards Max, my ring sparkling in the light. I doubt if it was shining anywhere near as brightly as I was. I reveled in this moment for Mike and I, a moment that took us years to earn. 

Suddenly, we were surround by an entire room standing and clapping, not for me as after my performance, but for both Mike and I. My head spun, searching the crowd for the smiles of our friends and family, but my eyes kept seeking Mike, my Mike.

Max reached us and placed a kiss on the back of my hand.

Mike and I were quickly enveloped by a crowd of people offering congratulations from all directions. I wanted to introduce everyone to my perfect fiancé, my inspiration. Even as I shook hands and showed my ring, I couldn't help reaching up to touch Mike, caressing his cheek with my fingers. He never took his hand off of me, holding my hip or brushing the small of my back, keeping his body firmly next to me.

And then I looked up to see Jeff and Mia. They had been our best friends and then during our dark times, were rocks for both of us. They were are family and always would be. 

The first time Mike let even the tiniest bit of space between us was for Jeff to embrace me in his long arms. The moment he released me, Mia was squeezing the both of us tightly.

"I love both of you. I can't wait to be at your wedding."

Mia finally let go of us and I was able to see Maria. She took my hand in hers and ran her fingers over mine, tracing around my ring. She smiled at me. I didn't know what having a twin sister was like, but I could only imagine it was like our relationship. Without saying anything, she conveyed everything to me. When Mike and I were married, she would be my maid of honor.

I turned looking for Mike and he was speaking quietly with Max. After I heard Max, in his deep bass voice, tell Mike, "Congratulations, Mike," they walked to me.

It was only then that I saw mom for the first time since we had come back into the reception, as the room was nearly empty now. She sat completely frozen, her cheeks wet from tears, but she wasn't smiling.

I know mom, I know you're shocked. We'll talk through this and it'll be okay.

Max turned to go to her, probably to congratulate her, but I quickly reached out to him and pulled him towards me.

He briefly turned to look at mom and I think the realization of her tears and the look on her face hit him. He looked down at me, his smile replaced by concern.

Very quietly, I said, "Max, we need to talk."

He followed me as I went to the door. Outside, I spoke softly.

"Max, she doesn't know about us and I don't think she'll be happy. Mike and I were first engaged more than two years ago. Her response is part of why we broke up."

I could see him beginning to piece together the limited information he had in his head.

"That's why you started playing violin again and why you and Josh..."

I quietly interrupted, "Yes."

"I see, I see. I'm sure this is very difficult for her to process."

"Mike and I will need to speak with her. We didn't really mean for her to find out like this, but he proposed today and..."

Max interrupted, "You played that last piece for him."

"Yes."

"It was marvelous. I want you to know that anything you and Mike need, I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Max."

He smiled down at me.

"Good night, Savannah... and good luck."

"I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for everything tonight."

He turned and I watched for a moment as he proceeded down the hall towards his office. I sighed and pushed open the door to the reception room.

I barely heard mom as I entered the room. 

"... to ru..."

She stopped talking mid-sentence and immediately spun to look at me.

As I approached them, my eyes moved rapidly back and forth between mom's shocked face, still wet with tears, and Mike's tense look. I sat delicately on the seat next to Mike and scooted close to him before sliding my hand into his.

When I looked back at mom, her voice was so cold that it sent shivers through my body.

"You can't do this."

Yes, we can mom.

I collected myself and pulled Mike's hand onto my lap.

"Mom, we love you. We would love to have your blessing..."

Please, mom, be happy for us. See our love.

"... but we're not going to ask for your permission."

Whether she approved or not, my life would only ever be with Mike by my side.

"Savy, what did he do? Is this why you and Josh broke up?"

I knew how much she cared about Josh and it was easy to see why. He was so polite and kind to her. Yes, Josh and I couldn't be together because I'm meant to be with Mike, but what did Mike do? I tried to speak calmly, pushing down the anger that was boiling up inside me. She wasn't going to blame him for us.

"Mike didn't do anything wrong, mom. The only thing he's ever done, for my entire life, is love and support me."

And that's what you've done for me, too, mom. Please don't stop now.

Her voice was softer, "But Josh..."

"I wasn't meant to be with him. Mike is the only one for me. I can't live my life without him."

Again, her tone turned to anger and accusation, "Savy, this will ruin your life. You can't do this. He's your... your... brother."

I lost control and my anger took over. I wouldn't let her say that. 

"No! I won't let you say that. I almost ruined my life when I pushed Mike away. I was shocked when you told us, but I love him. I love him more because he's my brother."

Mom seemed briefly taken aback at my response, "You don't know what you're saying... this is wrong."

I do know what I'm saying. This isn't your choice and you can't judge us.

"It's not wrong to follow our hearts, mom."

And then she terrified me with her response.

"I can't... I can't be a part of this."

Mom? Please, please understand us! You can be there for us, with us.

"Mom, I want you in our life. I want you there on our wedding day. Please... be happy for us. Celebrate with us."

You need to be there when we get married. You need to be there for me and for us.

"I can't... no... this is wrong..."

My body tensed when she suddenly put her hands on the table and pushed herself quickly to her feet. The anger, the sadness, all emotion left her voice. She spoke as if she were stating a simple fact.

"When you stop this, I'll be there for you, but I won't be a part of this."

No... no... don't go...

Mike pulled me to him as my world began to collapse again. He held my waist tightly while stroking my hair and I sobbed uncontrollably.

Mom...

I was startled when I heard a voice that I didn't recognize.

"I'm sorry, but I need to lock up in here."

I looked up to Mike and he pressed his lips to my forehead, gently kissing me. I looked into his eyes. 

He was the only family I had left now.

"Let's go home."

I was barely aware of anything that happened until Mike and I were laying in bed, his arms providing as much comfort as I was capable of feeling. I fell asleep with the echo of his voice in my mind, "I love you, Savy. You are my everything."

His strength was all that kept me going for days until finally she contacted us.

I watched as Mike read an email from her, a grimace on his face. I asked him to hold me while I read her email to me. It didn't matter if she was sorry for how she had reacted at the reception, she had made her decision... and we had made ours. Nothing would ever tear us apart; we are one and that is how we would respond.

"Mike, I want you to respond for both of us."

"Okay..."

I drew on his strength.

"She has a choice: she can support us and be a part of our life or she can believe we're making a mistake and not be a part of our life. Whenever she is ready to accept and support us, we'll invite her back, but until then, she is not welcome to sit and judge us."

As Mike typed our answer to her, I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, squeezing myself tightly to him with my cheek pressed to his ear. 

Mom had once said to me, "It's just the way it had to be." She was right, but not in the way she thought. If she couldn't love us, accept us, and support us, then this was the way it had to be.

"You're all I need, Mike. I love you."