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Death & Love Ch. 01

By: OldKingClancy



(Due to some comments I have decided to rewrite these stories, they will now be longer and more in depth. There will be some similar elements but I hope you like the changes)

*

Is it worse to be told when you're going to die or if you're told you're going to die but you don't know when? When I was told I was going to die but didn't know when I was 16 years old, it was a subarachnoid haemorrhage, a brain disease that I inherited from my dad, the same thing killed him. The doctors told me that I would have a headache for the rest of my life, I would slowly lose my memory and motor functions and eventually die. Worst of all they didn't know when.

My name is Caleb Dawltry, I'm 20 years and I'm going to die. Soon after I was told of my condition I started to make a life for myself, I wrote for TV, namely crime series even wrote a few episodes of 'Taggart'. The money was good and I bought a small house, leaving home when I was 18. The next year my sister Billie followed me; after I had left the house she and our mother couldn't stand each other so she left to live with me. I had a great relationship with Billie, born 2 year after me I was extremely protective of her and barely let her out of my sight. She was a beautiful girl as well which meant she was always getting attention, some of the guys that liked her were, for lack of a better word, 'weird' so she used me to get rid of them. She would bring some 'weird' guy home and give me a sign, at which point she left the room and I played the protective big brother and freaked out the guy, they never bothered her again. It was easy to see why these guys liked Billie, she was very pretty, her long golden brown hair framed her face perfectly, her dark green eyes invited people in with warmth and innocent sexuality and her body was nigh on perfect, she wasn't one of those health freaks so her body was curvy, a very voluptuous figure. But the best thing about her was her personality, she was easily the kindest, sweetest person I knew, she would bend over backwards for her friends and couldn't stay mad at anyone, within a week of moving in with me she made peace with our mother. I always thought she was beautiful but never in a sexual way, that was until the summer of last year.

JUNE

I was on a break from writing so my best friend T.J. Gallagher was visiting to play some video games, I met T.J. through Billie when they dated in primary school. They broke up though and T.J. became a good friend of mine, he started dating my friend Jane, they've been together for 7 years and had a daughter just over two years ago. Despite having a kid T.J. was still a teen himself and found some form of stress relief when killing me in Call of Duty, he was shouting his usual 'Headshot Bitch' when Billie strolled through the room, she was wearing a black bikini to go swim in the pool outside. It was an old bikini so the top was a little too small for her breasts which I'll admit were rather large for a girl her age -- not like porn-star huge but a bit bigger than a handful. The bottoms were also a little tight for my liking, the back of them resemble a thong than anything else, she gave me and T.J. a cute little wave and neither of us could take our eyes off her.

"Holy shit Cay. When did Billie get so hot?"

"Right after you dumped her she realised her mistake and got hotter."

"Seriously man look at her, I may have made a mistake."

"Hey, don't talk about my sister like that, besides you have Jane and Katherine."

"Ok I do, but what about you, you broke up with Danni two months ago and you're living with a sexier Billie than I remember, how do you sleep at night?"

"Butt naked next to your mother."

"Fuck off Cay."

A few hours later T.J. left so I went to join Billie at the pool, she was lying face down on one of the chairs with her bikini clasp undone to sunbathe. 

"Certainly caught you guy's attention huh?" Her voice was very warm and sweet, could melt the coldest of hearts.

"Don't flatter yourself sis, a guy will look at any girl in a bikini."

"That include you looking at me? I'm kidding, can you rub some lotion onto my back please?"

I thought nothing of it, I would normally rub Billie's back for her but after what T.J. said it was different today. I slowly stroked her shoulders and neck, moving down to gently caress her back then ever so slightly continue down until I stopped at the top of her ass, it was never anything important but today I swear I heard Billie let out a small pleasure moan when I touched her ass so I decided to move away but as I did I accidently grazed the sides of her breasts causing me to jump back.

"Something wrong Cay?"

"Um... No, just headaches."

"Ok, when your finished could move your dick away from my leg?"

I looked down in terror to see my very erect penis jabbing into the side of Billie's leg, she just giggled at my embarrassment.

"Billie I'm very sorry."

"Don't flatter yourself bro, a guy will look at any girl in a bikini. Hey look I was thinking of renting a movie tonight, want to join me?"

"Sure Billie, I'll see you inside."

I walked away leaving Billie to sunbathe, the only thing going through my mind was how much I hated T.J. right now. That night I settled down in the living room to watch a movie with Billie, she came in the room wearing a white tank top that was two sizes too small so I saw her deep purple bra and tops of her gorgeous breasts and a pair of Daisy Duke jean shorts. I felt my eyes stick and my jaw drop, surprisingly Billie just smiled.

"Trying to catch flies there Cay?"

"What? Sorry, it's just... wow."

"Cay, I'm up here."

In a surge of pain I grabbed my head.

"Christ, grab me some painkillers Billie."

To this day I have no idea if I knew this would happen or not but when Billie reached up to get the painkillers her jean shorts rode up exposing the bottom of her ass cheeks, they were bronzed and beautiful, again my jaw hit the floor but I composed myself before she turned around. 

"Water as well?"

"Sure." 

Billie turned on the tap but she did it too fast and the tap was too violent spraying water all over her before she calmed it down, she turned around to find a towel. Her top was almost completely see-through, through her top I could see her bra was very low-cut, as she used a nearby towel to dry her top her breasts bounced and jiggled. I've never fought harder to stop getting an erection. Billie poured the drink then gave it to me with the painkillers, she then walked over to the TV and DVD player and bent over to put the movie in. As she did I saw her ass cheeks again as well as the top of a pink thong peeking out the top of her shorts. I let out an audible gasp, Billie heard this so she turned her head and wiggled her ass.

"Like what you see?"

"What, I, just."

"Relax, you're a guy, I'm a girl and let's face it, I've got a great ass."

Hearing Billie talk about her great ass was one of the sexiest things I've ever heard. After putting the movie on she jumped up onto the sofa and sat next to me, leaning against me so we were in a position like a couple would be watching a movie together. The movie was some Rom-Com, it wasn't totally crap but I was more focused on Billie, she was in a perfect position that allowed me to peer down her top, with her low bra I swear I could see the top of her areolas. By the end of the movie it was getting late, Billie had fallen asleep so carefully I climbed over the arm of the sofa and placed a cushion under her head. Feeling cold myself I got a blanket out of a basket and placed it over her, she looked so sweet and innocent, I kissed her forehead and rubbed her softly, Billie stirred awake.

"Caleb?"

"Yeah?"

"Your hand's on my tit."

"Oh shit, sorry it's just.."

"It's fine Cay, I kindda liked it. Night bro." 

I went upstairs to bed, that night was one of the toughest nights I ever had trying to sleep, and the first night that it wasn't my headaches.

The next morning I woke early, I was use to this as my headaches would normally wake me, I decided to take a quick shower and visit T.J. In the shower I couldn't stop thinking about Billie, it freaked me out because the stuff I was thinking of was downright disgusting. I had never thought about Billie in that way before but ever since yesterday when she waltzed through I can't help it, I quickly dropped those thoughts and grabbed a towel. As I left the bathroom I bumped into Billie who was waking up, she was wearing I nightie, it was almost see-through and very short, from behind you could actually see the bottom of her bare ass, it was still more than I had, I only had a towel wrapped around my waist. We both stared at each for what can only be described as far too long before we headed back to our rooms, I still couldn't put my finger on it, there was never any tension between us before but something had changed and neither of us knew what it was, all I knew was that I couldn't get Billie out of my head. At T.J.'s Jane answered the door holding Katherine.

"Caleb, hi."

"Hey Jane, hello Kathy."

"Say hello to uncle Caleb."

Katherine gargled something, she's only two so I could understand why.

"Tyler's just upstairs, he's getting dressed."

I should explain that Tyler is T.J.'s first name, it's been so long I've forgotten what the J stands for. Upstairs I found T.J. just finishing getting dressed.

"Cay, what brings you here?"

"Not much, gonna start writing soon so I need inspiration."

"Here's an idea, massacre at an orgy."

"You kiss your kid with that mouth."

"Listen seeing as your here I could use some help. I can't talk about it here, c'mon I'll take you to the shops."

At the shops T.J. told me his plan for the future and showed me what he wanted my help with, we walked into a shop and looked at the displays.

"You sure about this T?"

"I've been thinking about this for a while, I'm gonna do this Cay."

"So what you need my help for?"

"More moral support than anything, what about that one?"

"Too much money, not enough to it. I gotta ask what's it like being in love?"

"Ooh, has Caleb Dawltry found a new girl?"

"Please, the only girl in my life is Billie and I'm gonna keep it that way for a while. That one looks good, not too much and still looks good."

"Alright, that one. I'm gonna do it Cay, I'm gonna ask Jane to marry me."

The store owner handed T.J. the engagement ring and we headed back. He asked her by the end of the week and she said yes so loud I'm sure I heard her yelling from the house.

Over the next few weeks my mind drifted from T.J. and Jane and focussed again on Billie, it was almost torture, we would catch each other in various states of undress, she would go swimming a lot so I saw her in that tiny bikini and -- without trying to sound pervy -- with our rooms right next door I'm sure I heard Billie panting my name at night sounding fast and out of breath. Not that I could say anything more than once Billie popped into my head during weird times, but the weeks passed by, I wrote another Taggart episode using T.J. and Jane as inspiration and pretty soon the months changed.

JULY

Around this time Billie started getting a lot of party invites, being 18 and popular she would go to most of them but stayed behind to keep me company. This one night in the middle of July was different than usual, Billie was going to a party with a guy from her college, Vincent Moreno, who had taken a fancy on her. Just before picking her up Billie showed me her outfit. Bounding downstairs she spun round and asked what I thought but I could barely speak, it was a very sexy black dress, the neckline was low without revealing everything and the hem was just an inch too short for my liking but I wasn't her father so I couldn't object. Again being Billie she smiled at my gawking face.

"I'll take your silence to mean you like it."

"It's a very nice dress, although I would prefer if you wore a bra." 

"Sure thing dad."

With that she bounded upstairs to get changed, I was also invited to the party but I didn't go to any, I've had a firsthand look at the fakery people show towards me and I've liked it. I'm not trying to sound all 'Catcher in the Rye' but I do prefer solitary to gather my thoughts and do more writing, other than Billie, T.J. and Jane amongst a few others I didn't really talk to people. Billie skipped down the stairs just as Vincent arrives in his car, Billie jumped into me and hugged me like there was no tomorrow but I let her.

"Love you bro."

"Love you too sis."

I kissed her on the head and watched as she ran over to Vincent and drive off, I watched some TV and wrote a few more scenes for another show, annoyingly my right hand started feeling numb and stiff, quite hard to hold things like that. The hours passed by and I was only aware of the time when Billie stormed into the house crying, Vincent was chasing after her but I stopped him coming in.

"What did you do?"

"Fuck all, I acted all nice to her then she acts like a frigid bitch."

I said before I'm very protective of Billie and I don't take kindly to her being called a bitch so without thinking I punched Vincent, I used my right hand which was still numb so I didn't feel anything which was probably a good thing because I broke the fucker's nose. Defeated Vincent scurried back to his car and I went upstairs to find Billie, she was sitting in the shower letting the water cascade down her and masking her tears, I sat down next to her -- it's a big shower -- and gently hugged her.

"He wanted to fuck me. I told him I didn't, not right now, he tried to force me."

"Shh, it's alright."

"I didn't want him to fuck me, I didn't want him to be my first."

I was surprised at her honesty, I never thought Billie was a virgin. I was too busy thinking about this to see Billie kiss me, it was a quick kiss but a kiss none the less. I couldn't speak, only stare at her, the water made her hair smoother as it ran down her, her dress became tighter showing off every curve on her fabulous body. Looking into my eyes with her beautiful greens she admitted to me.

"I wanted someone else to be my first, someone I love. I don't love anyone like you Cay."

Climbing on top of me she kissed me again, more passionate this time. Surprisingly I kissed her back, all that sexual tension I had for the past month, all those times I looked but didn't touch erupted from me. I stroked her silky legs and grabbed her firm ass, Billie pulled away from me to remove her dress, I didn't even see the point in telling her to put on a bra, this one was so small and so sheer that there wasn't any point to it. I seized the chance and kissed her breasts, pulling her bra down I sucked and licked her nipples driving Billie crazy, she was panting and moaning like never before. It was all going so well until I felt Billie's hand rummaging in my trousers and I realised what was happening, I pulled Billie's hand out and told her.

"Billie I can't do this."

"What." If Billie's normal voice can warm your heart her sad voice will bring you to your knees. "Why not, don't you like me?"

"Of course I like you, Billie you're the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world, I love you but I can't do this, I care about you too much."

At these words Billie began crying, not even sobbing like earlier but actually crying, she held me tight and through her tears I heard her almost angrily tell me.

"I want this Cay, I've never loved another boy like you. I want you to be my first please Cay. I've see you looking at me and I know how you feel. I waited so long because I wanted to see if you just wanted to fuck me or if you wanted to love me like I love you, to be in a relationship. Everytime you saw me I did it on purpose, I left the bathroom door open for you to find me, I wore that bikini because I knew it was too small for me. I even made sure you heard me when I masturbated so you would know how I felt."

This shocking confession from Billie made everything that little bit clearer, I knew Billie loved me but I always thought it was a sisterly love.

"Billie, why me?"

"Because I'm going to lose you, you're going to die and I don't want that I want you and me to have connection, to be together in the strongest way possible before I lose you forever. Cay, if you won't have sex with me can you please stay with me, just hold me tonight."

Looking into those green eyes and I couldn't refuse her, that night we slept together in Billie's bed, we didn't have sex but I held her, gently but firm enough to let her know I wouldn't let her go. I didn't get much sleep but for the first time it wasn't because of my headaches.

*

I hope you all enjoy these changes, I've taken the comments into account and perhaps made the story better. If the other parts haven't been deleted then ignore them and watch out for these new stories. 

Death & Love Ch. 02



This has been bugging me for a while, when the original chapter 2 was uploaded I got some well deserved criticism for including an unnecessary S&M type scene. I wasn't planning on rewriting this but after an informal Q&A session with a reader I decided to change it. Due to continuity issues with chapter 3 and my other story some elements will be the same but hopefully these changes will improve the overall story.

Thanks goes to Awesome Kmac and his questions that helped to convince me to rewrite this chapter.

As before this picks up a few hours after chapter 1.

*

I awoke early the next morning, no matter how many times these damned headaches wake me I can't get use to it. It took me a few seconds to realise where I was, it was Billie's room, looking down I see Billie and I in a spooning position, still both fully clothed with her wearing her black dress from last night, oh god last night. Suddenly everything that happened came rushing back to me; punching Vincent, finding Billie in the shower, her confession, kissing her. I dwell on her admitting she wanted me to take her virginity the most, she had actually said that, she wasn't drunk, I don't think she made it up and she was too upset to lie, I had to take it as truth.

This was all too much to take at once, my innocent little sister was changing right in front of my eyes and I didn't know how to take it, looking down at Billie I still see that little girl who would come into my room when the monster under her bed was making noises, the little girl who would ask me to sing 'God Only Knows' to help her get to sleep, the little girl who cried for nearly three days and refused to leave my side when I told her I was going to die. She's growing up and she wants to include me in helping her become a woman, the scariest thing was I was actually considering letting her. Ignoring that ridiculous idea I carefully let go of Billie then got out of bed and went downstairs to get breakfast, I left Billie to her slumber, partly because I didn't want to disturb her but mostly because I didn't want to talk about last night. I was halfway downstairs when there was a knock on the door, I opened it to see T.J. standing outside.

'Jesus you look like shit T.'

'Glad to see you're subtle Cay. I was up all night, Kathy's teething so she was screaming bloody murder. Can you make a coffee please, I'm falling to sleep just standing here.'

'Sure thing T.'

T.J. followed me inside, he sat down at the counter while I made the coffee.

'If it's any constellation I had a rough night as well, Billie had some trouble.'

'Wasn't she at, what's the bastard's name, Daniel Entwistle's party?

'Yeah, but she came home early, her date got a little grabby.'

'Who was her date?'

'You heard of Vincent Moreno?'

'I know him, his brother works with me down at the shop, the brother's alright but Vincent's a right bastard.'

'I know, I broke his nose last night.'

'Ha, God knows he had it coming.'

I picked up the boiled kettle and began pouring the water.

'Cay before I forget, Jane and I picked a date for the wedding, September 12th.'

'That's not long.'

'It's for Jane's grandmother, she's in her 90s now and probably won't see the year's end, we picked the most reasonable date. You still up for being my best man?'

'Always T, I've got a draft of my speech upstairs if...'

'Cay look, fuck.' T.J. jumped up startled. I looked down to see what got him so spooked; the boiling water from the kettle had spilled over onto my right hand but I hadn't felt anything. I put the kettle down and ran my hand over with cold water but I was still scalded pretty badly, but still there was no pain.

'Fucking hell Cay, does that not hurt?'

'No, it's part of my condition, I never expected this so early though.'

'You want me to take you to hospital?'

'Sure, I'd better see the Doc about this. Let me tell Billie first.'

I started to head towards the stairs but I stopped, I knew if I went upstairs Billie would want to talk about last night and I still wasn't ready, I turned back and wrote a note.

'Don't want to wake her, she's still sleeping. Got your phone?'

'Yeah.'

'I need to borrow it, tell the Doc I'm coming.'

I phoned the Doc and told him I'd be there soon. T.J. drove me to the hospital, thankfully due to the early time there was little trouble finding a parking spot.

'You sure you don't want me to wait Cay?'

'It's fine T, it's not far. Thanks for the lift.'

T.J. drove off, the Doc was Dr Freeman, my therapist. I'd been seeing him for four years ever since I was told about my condition, if any brain related shit came up I'd talk to him. Dr Freeman was a kind old man, more like a grandfather than a doctor, I'd hesitate to call him a friend but we were closer than the usual doctor and patient. After my hand was seen too I found the Doc in his office, it was a warm and inviting place, making it much easier for you to open up, I lay on the couch while the Doc sat on his chair nearby and listened to me.

'So Caleb, when did you first notice you'd spilt boiling water on your hand?'

'I didn't Doc, my friend T.J. came round for a coffee, I was talking to him and he saw me spill the water, I didn't feel a thing.'

'And that worried you, why?'

'Because this is a new development, don't get me wrong Doc I've been expecting this for a while but never this quickly. I mean fuck it was only yesterday that my hand started feeling numb, I thought it'd be some time before I lost all feeling in it. It's fucking scaring me Doc.'

'Calm Caleb, I understand that you're scared but can you tell me why you're scared?'

My mind immediately went to Billie and her confession last night, I thought about an answer to give the Doc.

'It's Billie Doc, I'm scared of losing her, now more than ever. She had some trouble last night with a date that only wanted one thing. I realised yesterday after I broke the fucker's nose that I'm scared that if I leave her she won't have anyone to protect her. I know she's an independent woman who can protect herself but I'm her older brother and it's my job to look after her.'

That was a half-truth, I was more scared of losing Billie and not following up on her wish. I couldn't believe it but I was actually considering having sex with my sister. I looked over at Doc who seem to be mulling something over.

'Hm, Caleb I'm going to ask you some personal questions, you may feel uncomfortable but feel free to stop them at anytime.'

'Ok Doc.' I was confused as to what these questions were going to be about.

'Right, you love your sister don't you?'

'Yes.'

'You love her as a brother?'

'Yes, what are you getting at Doc?'

'Have you ever thought of Billie as something more than a sister?'

'No, Doc I don't see what the relevance of these questions is.'

'You said you're scared of leaving your sister, that's understandable but you also said you were especially scared after she had trouble from someone who wanted to have sex with her, you defended her honour.'

'Yeah so she's my sister what are you getting at?'

'That would be fine in normal circumstances, but you're not in normal circumstances; people in your situation believe they can take risks and not live to see the consequences. From what you've said you obviously have deep feelings towards Billie but I fear these feelings may grow into something more and you may do something you'll regret.'

'What are you saying Doc, that I'll have sex with my sister.'

'I'm saying it's a possibility.'

'Thanks for the help Doc.' My voice was thick was sarcasm. 'I'll see myself out.'

I left the office and headed home, I was furious, not at the Doc but at myself. Everything the Doc said about having deep feelings for Billie was agreeing with the thoughts I was having about having sex with her, I had a grown feeling of wanting to act on these thoughts but every sane fibre in my body was arguing with me. 

In that walk home all I felt was anger.

I returned home still angry, I saw Billie awake and eating breakfast, her face lit up once I entered but darkened once she saw my fury.

'Cay what's wrong?'

'Bastard Doc, thinks he knows my thoughts better than me.'

'What'd he say?'

'He seems to think that just because I saved you from Vincent last night I want to fuck you, it's fucking ridiculous.'

A caught a glimpse of Billie, her face showed she was hurt but that last comment. Suddenly the start of a headache grabbed my attention.

'Fuckin hell not this, where are the painkillers.'

'Top left cupboard. Cay, do you really think it's ridiculous you wanting to have sex with me.'

'Billie I know where this is going but I really don't want to talk about it. I've got too much other shit to think about right now.'

'Caleb please I want to talk about last night.'

'DAMMIT BILLIE NOT NOW.'

I didn't mean to yell at her, I was still furious with the Doc's comment and my headache was making my temper worse. As soon as the words left my mouth I looked into Billie's beautiful greens and realised my mistake, she ran away with tears in her eyes and I ran after her. She dashed upstairs, into her room and slammed the door behind her. I crashed into the closed door, knocking it repeatedly so she would open it and start a conversation, no point barging in.

'Billie please I'm sorry. Open the door please.'

Nothing.

'Billie don't do this, I won't be able to stand it if you hate me.'

'Go away Caleb, you've made your point.'

'I haven't, Billie I want to talk about this.'

There was no answer but I heard Billie walk across the room and open her door, she stared at me, still crying but with a look of desperate anger on her face I'd never seen before.

'I want to talk about last night Cay, I want to talk about what I asked you, can we do that?'

'No, yes, ah. This is still a lot to take in Billie.'

'Don't fuck around Cay, I've been waiting two years for this, two years hoping you would see me the way I seen you. Tell me if I'm wasting my time or not.'

'I don't know Billie, I can't answer that.'

'Seems like you just did.'

Billie went back in her room and shut her door, I was left standing outside, a terrible feeling of regret and self-hatred inside me. I was so close to punching myself for what I did.

SEPTEMBER

After that things changed between me and Billie, I hated it. For the past three weeks Billie hardly said two words to me, she wasn't even angry she just ignored me. Whenever I saw her she would be huddled in her clothes, I use to love how audacious Billie was and secretly I enjoyed her more revealing clothe choices but now, now she wasn't my beautiful sister, she was a stranger in my own home. The whole thing had put a knife in our relationship and I knew it was my fault but no matter how many times I apologized I got no response, in the end I just stopped trying. 

It wasn't until T.J. and Jane's wedding that things became clearer. It was nearing morning, the ceremony had been done and the reception was winding down, I stood outside alone with a beer when T.J. found me.

'Cay, what you doing out here alone? I thought you'd be inside talking to people.'

'You know what I'm like around people.'

'I know I know, once they find out about your condition they feign sympathy, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to anyone.'

I look in and scanned the room until I saw one girl who took my fancy.

'Well there's a busty blonde in there I might chat to.'

'That's my cousin Megan.'

'Fine I'll stay away from her.'

'You don't have to I was just saying.'

'No I'm good, I've said before Billie is the only girl in my life and I'm going to keep it that way for a while.'

'That's actually something I've been meaning to bring up, what's wrong with Billie? She seems sort of, down.'

'I don't know T. she's been like that for weeks ever since we had a big argument.'

'I don't think it's your fault Cay, from the looks of her she seems heartbroken.'

'What makes you say that?'

'Remember when your dad died, your mum had the exact same expression Billie does now, like she's lost someone close to here. Surprised you didn't see it earlier.'

And just like that the glass was shattered, Billie had lost someone close to her, me. I had no idea how important I was to Billie, how much she loved me. She had laid herself bare, both literally and figuratively, in that shower and I blew her off.'

'Fuck I'm an idiot.'

'What you say Cay?'

'Uh nothing, headaches.'

'Right, well that's Jane's mum off with Kathy I better say goodbye, if I don't see you later tonight I'll see you when we get back from the honeymoon.'

'Sure, see you later.'

T.J. left me to see off his daughter, leaving me on my own. I looked round to see if I was on my own, once satisfied no-one could see me; I slapped myself in the face for being so stupid.

When Billie and I arrived home that night I had decided to make things right between us, however as soon as the taxi dropped us off Billie rushed inside forcing me to run after her.

'Billie will you wait?'

She ignored me and went inside.

'Billie wait please.'

Again nothing, she was almost at the stairs. I ran towards her, grabbed her, spun her round and kissed her. A long hard kiss full of passion, it took her by surprise but she soon slunk into it, much like I has in our first kiss. I let her go and stared into her eyes, for the first time in three weeks I saw her smile.

'Billie I love you, probably more than I should and I've hated how we've drifted apart. I missed you, the real you, the you I love, so much and if you want I'll love you like you love me. I didn't realise how important this was to you and for that I'm sorry.'

Billie said nothing, she only kissed me again, much softer this time. 

'I'm the one who should be sorry Cay, but I was so hurt when you said you didn't want to have sex with me. I know it was a big ask but you got to know I was deeply in love with you, I still am. If you are totally serious then this is what I want, you and only you.'

I had done it, I had fixed any and all damage between me and Billie. Leaning forward I kissed her again, starting soft but quickly gaining excitement, full of love I pushed Billie against the wall. I started unbuttoning my shirt, Billie did the same with her dress, letting it fall to the floor. As she stepped out her dress I couldn't help but admire her, her black lacy underwear contrasted amazingly against her golden skin, looking over her I saw a mix of innocence and sexuality, she wanted this but she was scared and because of that fear my protective instinct kicked in, I wanted to save her and there was only one way to do that. I moved in close and unhooked Billie's bra, it too fell to the floor, good lord her breasts look even more spectacular than last time. I kissed Billie's neck, moving downwards towards her chest, licking and sucking her nipples, feeling them go hard in my mouth, I heard Billie's slow laboured breathing above me, telling me she was enjoying this. I continued downwards, slow and gentle in my movements, making sure Billie knew I wasn't going to hurt her or make her do anything she didn't want, this was all about her. 

When I reached her panties I knew what to do, I went onto my knees and I hooked my fingers into her panties, I slowly pulled them down, her trimmed cunny was revealed to me, it looked beautiful, the smell of her filled my nose. Throwing caution and sense to the wind I licked her pussy, flicking her clit with my tongue.

'Oh god Cay, what are you doing?'

'Making sure you enjoy this.'

I licked her pussy again, her juices running down into my mouth. I wanted more so I dove in and kissed her, I was driving Billie crazy, I felt her legs giving way and it was only me keeping her up. Suddenly I felt Billie's hand grab my head and my mouth was flooded.

I had made my little sister come.

Satisfied that the first part of my job was complete I stood up, Billie's face was red and she panting. Not even giving me time to wipe my face Billie threw herself into a kiss.

'Thank you Cay, thank you. You have no idea how great that was.'

'It's not over yet Billie.'

I unzipped my trousers and pulled them down along with my underwear, I was as naked as Billie. She looked down and saw my ever hardening cock, I swear I heard her gasp. With Billie pushed against the wall I lined up my dick with her cunny, setting it up so that I my tip was resting on her.

'Are you sure you want this Billie, we can still back out.'

'Cay I did not wait two years to back out now.'

That was all the conformation I needed, swiftly I pushed forward, into Billie. She jumped up in shock and grabbed my back, she stopped breathing for a second. Billie wasn't the first virgin I'd fucked so I knew what to expect but she was the first one I cared about. I kept sliding forward until I reached her hymen, I looked into Billie's eyes, they were filled with tears yet she still nodded. Hard and fast I broke through, Billie grabbed me tightly, in pain, in pleasure, in reassurance, she was shivering, she had come again. Slowly but surely Billie got over the loss of her innocence and we built up a rhythm, Billie leaned in close and whispered in my ear.

'Come in me Cay, I want you to come in me.'

'Billie I'm not wearing a condom.'

'It's ok, mum put me on the pill years ago, do it please.'

I wasn't one to ignore a request like that, the sheer beauty of Billie and the realisation of what we had just done was enough to send me over the edge. I came inside Billie, holding myself there until I was drained. Billie and I stood there for what seemed like an eternity, holding each other tightly. I spoke softly in Billie's ear.

'God only knows, what I'd be, without you.'

Billie looked up into my eyes, she was immediately reminded of our time together as children, before either of us knew about my condition. We loved the song and the memories it created. I continued singing.

'And God only knows what I'd be without you. And God only, God only, God only knows what I'd be without you.'

I never managed to continue, Billie kissed me again, I felt the tears on her cheeks but I ignored them, content that I had finally found the woman I loved, the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I had found Billie Dawltry.

OCTOBER

After that first time me and Billie were inseparable, any time we were together we couldn't stop holding or touching each other, and if we weren't we were talking late into the night. It was like any other new relationship only this time we had bypassed all the awkwardness of the first few dates, we were already best friends and somehow that made everything better. Of course people can tell when you're in a new relationship, you have a look of happiness that's specific to being in love. This created a problem because we didn't want anyone to know about our relationship so to hide any suspicion Billie started going out with one of the boys at her university. As much as I love Billie she makes some bad choices, case in point she started going out with Vincent Moreno, the asshole that tried to force Billie to have sex with him. I hated him, and not just because of what he did to Billie, he had an air of smugness about him, like he was use to getting his own way. Thankfully the relationship didn't last long, about a week after they first started going out they broke up. It happened in the afternoon, T.J. was back from his honeymoon and having a late lunch at mine, Vincent was over with Billie and in the bathroom, that was until he burst out holding what looked like a white stick, on closer look it was a pregnancy test.

'What the fuck is this?' Vincent's anger was directed at Billie.

'I, I don't kn, know.'

'You stupid bitch you know what this is. This is you fucking me over, we haven't in fucked yet so you have no fucking reason to have this. What's his name who whoring cunt?'




Death & Love Ch. 03



I'd like to start by apologizing about the S&M scene in the last chapter, there's no justification for it and with the fantastic invention that is hindsight I see I shouldn't haven't included it. With that being said I thing I've managed to fit it in with this chapter and I hope this one goes down better.

Also to someone who commented on both chapter – you know who are – I welcome constructive criticism but please do not repeat yourself, if your complaint is on one chapter I'm going to read it there's no need to put the same one on a different chapter.




The headaches had returned. For months since my time with Billie they had ceased to exist and I'd completely forgot about them; now they were back stronger and meaner than before.

The news of T.J.'s death was a shock to me and Billie, we both loved him, he was her ex and my best friend after all. Add to that the fact that he was a young father and it just seems unfair that he's gone. The two of us spent a lot of time with Jane and Kathy, poor Jane was devastated, couldn't stop crying. A few times she got really angry and yelled verbal abuse at the two of us but we never said anything, Kathy, only be about 2 years old, was oblivious to her father's demise, she just smiled and gurgled, I don't know if I felt happy and envious of her innocent little mind. I hate to sound selfish but I think T.J.'s death shocked me the most, obviously Jane was hit the hardest but for most of our lives me and T.J. both knew, or at least thought we knew, that I'd die first, I was unprepared for this, we all were. Unfortunately it seemed T.J. wouldn't the only loss I suffered, about four or five days after T.J.'s murder Billie and I were round Jane's house, Billie had just managed to get Jane to sleep and I was in the kitchen with Kathy, I barely heard Billie enter.

'Hey.' Billie whispered, 'That's Jane asleep, how you doing?'

'Ain't sure, I'm still in shocked by this whole ordeal. Clearly Jane's taking this hard but damn it I miss him just as much as her.'

'I meant with the baby Cay but thanks for the honesty.'

'Sorry, she's been a good little girl. Ain't that right...?'

I stopped talking, for some reason I could not remember Kathy's name, I was just drawing a complete blank and I couldn't explain why, after all this was my best friend's daughter and Billie's god-daughter why could I not remember her name. Billie picked up that something was wrong.

'What's the matter Cay?'

'I, I can't remember her name, I'm getting nothing.'

'Cay, is this.' Billie took a deep breath, she was afraid to ask the question and honestly I was afraid to answer it. 'Is this part of you condition?' 

'I think so, the Doc warned me about memory loss, Jesus I know I've been forgetting little things and useless information but nothing like this.'

'You want to go see Doctor Freeman, I could stay here until Jane wakes up.'

'You sure Billie?'

'Yeah, you need his help, I see you at home.'

Without thinking I kissed Billie, nothing special just a goodbye kiss a husband would give his wife before leaving for work. Neither of us said anything but as I looked into Billie's eyes before leaving I saw she was thinking the same thing as me, the kiss didn't feel weird and that was what was weird about it, until then the two of us had only kissed in the heat of passion but this was so casual, such a small yet complete show of love. If it wasn't for Kathy I would made love to her right there and then.

I arrived at the Doc's office about 20 minutes later and told him my problem; despite the hostility of out last encounter he was quite calm and thankfully respectful of T.J.'s death. Again I lay down on the sofa while he sat on a chair next to me.

'I've been expecting this for years Doc, the memory loss, but I never expected it this soon.'

'How come?'

'It just, I always thought this would happen near the end, when this bastard in my head started taking over.'

'Are you scared?'

'No. I don't know maybe, I've accepted my fate and that's worked out fine for me but as my time grows shorter I'm forced to face my own mortality and I hate it. I mean fuck Doc I'm 20 years old, I've basically lost my right arm and already I'm regretting all the stuff I've never done and ever will do. I'm never going to get married because I'm living on borrowed time, I'm never going to have a kid because I'll just pass this shit on to them.'

'Do you want to get married?'

'I always hoped so, I imagined meeting the right girl then whisking her away for a whirlwind romance where we get married mere weeks or days, hell even hours after we first met. The two of us would live quietly somewhere, away from the hypocritical bastards who feign sympathy, just the two of us and perhaps a kid, a lucky son-of-a-bitch that inherited their mother's genes and bypassed my condition. Then at the end of it all, dying peacefully in her arms content with what I did with my limited time. Call me a hopeless romantic Doc, my time with the screen business has ruined me, but I believed that could happen, but now I'm not so sure, and with this shit with T.J. I'm starting to wonder if my view of the world was just a pipe-dream. '

'You sounded very profound there, quite unlike you Caleb.'

'You sound like my sister, just because I'm a cynic doesn't mean I can't dream.'

'How is it with your sister, have those feelings returned or manifested into something stronger.'

I sighed. 'Why is this so important to you Doc? So I have feelings towards my sister she's my sister, I'm supposed to care for her.'

'Caleb you don't care for Billie you're in love with her I can tell, we covered this last time. I'm only trying to stop you from doing something stupid.'

'But why is it stupid, I love Billie, she loves me, we're both consenting adults. If the feelings are mutual and if, and that's a big IF, if we do have sex how is that so bad; we know about protection and we know what the risks are.'

'The risks are just one of many problem's Caleb, what if you make a mistake and she ends up pregnant, you're going to leave her alone with a deformed baby. But that's not the biggest problem, the fact that you're so casual about this whole affair suggests that you're psyche has adapted to dying, but like you said you were faced with your mortality and it scared you, if your mind in that state has to truly come to terms with that when your time grows nearer you'll snap mentally.'

I'd had enough at that point, without saying a word I left the office. I heard the Doc shout something at me but I wasn't listening, something about 'letting my feelings for Billie cloud my judgement.' What did he know?

When I returned home it was still empty, checking the answering machine I heard a message from Billie telling me her friend Heather had called and she was meeting up with her, she'd be home later. I felt a sense of thankfulness as now with the house to myself I could lie on the sofa and get some well-needed rest. I don't know how long I'd been sleeping when Billie got home but she and her friend Heather managed to wake me up. I overheard them as they came in.

'...I'll have to talk to her, see how she's taking this.' That was Heather, she and Billie had been friends for ages and she was a nice girl. Good, friendly personality as in you felt like you could talk to her, she a very thin girl though, when compared to Billie's voluptuous figure Heather seemed almost anorexic but she never complained. Her hair was a dirty blond colour and just long enough to go past her shoulders, her best feature however was her face, she was incredibly cute, like a little chipmunk. I would never make a move on her, she was Billie's friend and I always considered her a person to talk to more than anything else but when you talk to her you can't help but smile.

'You should Hezz, you'll never know until you make that leap.' Billie put something large against the wall.

'Speaking of leap making...'

'Hezz give it up, I'm not telling you who I slept with.'

I kept my eyes closed, knowing they were talking about me.

'Come on B, you lost your virginity not even a week ago and you're not telling me who it was. I thought we were sisters.'

'It's a private thing Hezz and keep quiet my brother's right there.'

'He's asleep, he can't hear us. Now tell me please.'

'I'm not telling you who it was, but if it gets you to shut up about it I'll tell you what it was like.'

Both Heather and I were interested in what Billie had to say, the two girls sat on chairs away from me but I could still hear Billie's story.

'The sex was, it's hard to explain. On one hand it was fantastic I mean I was pushed up against the wall, his fingers deep in my pussy then after I came he fucked me hard and fast, I swear I never came that hard before from anything.'

With one eye half opened I saw Heather squirm in her chair.

'My God Billie that sounds amazing.'

'It was but the problem was that it was hard and it was fast. This was my first time and afterwards I sort of regretted it, I just wish it was more slow, more tender, more loving.'

'I can sympathise.'

I'd heard enough to want to talk to Billie so I pretended to wake up, I looked over at the two girls, still groggy from my earlier snooze.

'Hey, what you two talking about?'

'Girl stuff. Alright B I better get going, damn homework.'

'Sure thing Hezz and remember to talk to her.'

'I will, bye.'

Heather give Billie a hug and a kiss on the cheek before she left. Billie watched her friend close the door.

'Poor girl.' Billie's voice had a tone of sadness.

'What's wrong?' I looked over and saw a new mirror on the wall, which was the large object Billie had earlier.

'Hezz, she's in love with her best friend and doesn't know what to do.'

'She should go in, tell him how she feels.'

'That's the thing, her best friend's a girl.'

'You mean, Heather's a lesbian?'

'She doesn't know, she told me she's into girls but she's also very confused right now.'

'Wow.'

'I know, I mean I saw it coming ever since we had our little thing but I thought that was just an experiment.'

That threw me for a loop, I just stared open-mouthed at what Billie just said, she looked at my stunned expression and laughed.

'I guess I never told you about me and Hezz, we had a small drunken fumble one night. Nothing big but there some kissing and a little fondling, besides she was willing and I was drunk and it was nice, a good little experiment.'

'What the hell happened to you Billie? You use to be a cute little girl now you're a gorgeous sex goddess. I like it but I freaks me out.'

'Don't act like you're not interested in finding out what we did. Just don't tell Hezz I told you, we tell each everything but only between the two of us.'

'Well that's not true is it? I heard the two of you talking earlier and you didn't tell her who you lost your virginity to.'

'Oh God you heard that? I thought you were asleep.'

'I was but you two woke me up when you came in, I heard you talking about me so I stayed down.'

'Jesus Cay what I said to Hezz...'

'About regretting our first time together. Don't worry I'm not going to hold it against you, you're right it was too fast and too violent but you were inexperienced and I was so damn in lust with you. All I can say is sorry, I should have been slower, more caring, made it an act of love not a quick fuck.'

Billie smiled softly then moved in to gently hug me, she rested her head on my chest as I stroked her hair.

'Thanks for being so nice about this Cay, I thought you'd be pretty pissed about what I said.'

'I can't be angry at you, besides it was more my fault than yours. But, I feel like I robbed you of something so important in your life and I want to make it up to you. I'll need to set it up but I want the two of us to do something special, just us.'

'What do you have in mind?'

'Not sure yet, perhaps a date, take you out, wine you, dine you.'

'Then take me back to your hotel room to share dessert.'

'We'll just see where things lead.'

I leant down and kissed Billie, her soft smile from earlier had grown into a cute but knowingly sexy one. Gazing into her eyes I said the only words I wanted to.

'I may not always love you, but long as there are stars above you. You never need to doubt it, I'll make you so sure about it.'

Billie joined in. 'God only knows what I'd be without you.'

We kissed again, after our first time we had turned the song into a signal, whenever one of us wanted the other they would sing a line and the other would sing back the next line. Cheesy perhaps but it reminded us of a simpler time when we were kids and neither of us knew or cared about an impending loss. Billie turned around and sat on the sofa behind her, as she unbuttoned her trousers I knelt down and helped her take them off, I gently laughed at her pink, lacy boy-shorts and the wet patch in the middle. I slowly took off her underwear, revealing her beautiful pussy to me bit-by-bit, increasing the tension between us. When her pants finally got to her feet and that gorgeously trimmed pussy was revealed to me I bowed inwards, moving my head and by result my ready tongue to her waiting cunt. I made a delicate lick over her the outside of her pussy lips, I felt Billie shiver above me, I made a second lick and another shiver. Feeling she'd had enough torture I kissed her pussy, making sure her clit was in my mouth, driving her wild with excitement. Billie's legs opened slightly allowing me better access to dive in with my tongue, pushing it into her opening, tasting her delicious juices. Suddenly her thighs clamped over my head, I lost my sense of hearing but the flood of cum into my mouth explained all. I wriggled free and kissed Billie once more, during my time below she had freed her breasts and the deep red marks on them showed where she had grabbed them. Billie looked down at my very hard cock, I watched as she unconsciously licked her lips in anticipation but I had other plans.

'Not now, we'll save ourselves until we go on that date.'

'You sure we can survive that.'

'Of course, besides we're trying to get pregnant, the longer we wait the more cum I'll have and the better chance we'll have.'

'Ooh you're great at the dirty talk.'

I laughed. 'Shut up Billie, I'm just being honest. We both want this kid and I want to give it to you as soon as possible.'

Billie didn't say a word, she just hugged me to let me know she was willing to go with my idea.

NOVEMBER

Billie and I kept true to our plan and we held off on the sex, not that it wasn't hard; the strong sense of love and lust we had built up meant that every time we were near each other it resulted in less than subtle dry humping, by the second week into our promise Billie had to move back to her own room rather than our now usual sharing a bed routine. But despite that things were actually going well for the two of us, I had sent another script for a feature length Taggart, Billie was doing fantastic in her uni and aside from a slight numb in my left foot I hadn't had any more brain problems. The only trouble we had was Vincent; he was near enough stalking Billie at uni, constantly asking her out in spite of her lack of interest. I'm pretty sure I saw him in his car around our neighbourhood a few times. But we managed to survive and finally, half-way through November, our date arrived. We had decided to go to a restaurant then afterwards a stay in a hotel, we agreed to meet at the restaurant since Billie had a uni project to do with Heather – although after what Billie told me about them I just had bad ideas in my head. I was at the restaurant first so I stayed at the bar while I waited for her, it wasn't long before I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned round and saw not my sister but the single hottest woman I'd ever seen.

Holy shit did Billie look great, she had the same black dress she had during her first 'date' with Vincent but somehow it looked better than before; it had what I can only call sparkles covering it, the hem of the dress reached just above her knees with a slit in the left thigh stopping just at her waist. The front of the dress showed a generous amount of cleavage but I wasn't complaining, especially since it was obvious she wasn't wearing a bra. Billie's long gold-brown hair was in curls and looked fantastic on her, she was wearing a small amount of make-up to highlight her best features without going overboard.

'I'll take your silence as a compliment.'

Billie broke me out of my trance, I hadn't said anything since she arrived.

'Jesus Billie you look... I can't describe it. All I want is to skip dinner and take you back to my room right now.'

'Well tough luck bro, you promised me a good night and you're going to show me a good night.'

'Anything for you sis.'

I put down a tenner for my drinks and led Billie to our table, the restaurant was busy but you'd never think it, everyone was so quiet in their own conversations, their own little bubbles cut off from everyone else. Thankfully this being a fancy restaurant we didn't wait long for a waiter.

'Good evening, I am James and I will be your waiter for tonight.'

Billie got in before I could say anything. 'Pleasure to meet you James, my name is Stephanie Nicks, this is my fiancé John McVie, we're celebrating our engagement tonight.'

'Congratulations, may I see the ring.'

'I would love you to but I'm afraid I don't have it. I took it off back home when I had a bath and forgot to put it back on, I only noticed when we arrived here.'

'That's such a shame. No matter I shall send for a bottle of champagne on the house in honour of this special occasion.'

'Thank you so much James, and could you please bring us a shrimp cocktail for a starter please.'

'Certainly.'

The waiter left without a hint of mistrust, I on the other hand looked at my sister with sheer confusion.

'Billie, what the hell was that.'

'I thought it would be fun to pretend, the two of us a pair of young lovers celebrating our life together.'

'I wish you'd told me before hand, where'd you get the names from.'

'I was listening to Fleetwood Mac with Heather, she loves them. Got the names from there.'

'Well Stephanie, or shall I call you Stevie, it'll be an honour to share this precious moment with you.'

'Thank you John, that means so much to me.'

We both raised our empty wine glasses in mock celebration, the waiter returned a few minutes later to take our orders. Billie had a chicken in white mushroom sauce which she said was very nice, I had a steak which I later regretted; with my right hand out of action I had no end of trouble trying to cut it, much to Billie's amusement. After a few minutes of me making an arse of myself Billie cut my steak for me. We talked for hours about the most unimportant shit you could think of; remembering our happier times as children, the time when a 3 year old Billie was scared by the clown at her friend's birthday, the time when I took up rugby then six months later, just days after dad had bought all the gear, I had gave up, the time when I got in a fight with a guy at school who was making fun of a limp Billie had from falling off her bike, the time when neither of us knew about my condition. We remembered when our father was alive, how he spent every waking moment trying to keep us happy, knowing we'd lose him, how we were just a great big happy family and how that had ended. The both of us felt guilty about leaving mum on her own at home but we made sure to visit her regularly and Billie called her daily if not more just to talk, I did it less frequently but it was nice to hear mum's voice occasionally. We made a toast to T.J. and to one of Billie's friend's, Carol, who had been hit by a car when she was 12; Billie told me it was losing her best friend when she was so young was what made her fear death and how the fact she's never got over that fear was how she was so scared about losing me. I felt a strong urge to mention the elephant in the room and talk about our future, or at least the future we wouldn't have, about the child we wanted to have, about the engagement Billie had told the waiter about and if there was anything true feelings behind that. But, the night was so perfect with the past there was no sense ruining it with the future. We left a few hours later, leaving a good tip for James and the kindness he showed us – also I felt a little guilty about tricking him. It was a short walk to the hotel we had booked, we left like a couple, Billie wearing my jacket, huddled into my side, my arm over her shoulder, to the casual onlooker we just looked contented together, like we'd found that perfect one. It was around midnight when we arrived at the hotel, I can't remember if it was a four or five star one but I do remember the room was massive, it was a special honeymooners suit so the entire room was just one big open plan, the bedroom, kitchen and living room in one area, in fact the only room blocked off was the bathroom. I was getting cleaned up in the bathroom when I heard Billie outside.




Death & Love Ch. 04



I would like to thank the support Ch.3 got and the suggestions made. Those who commented advised me to ignore any negative comments but I believe in giving feedback on the feedback, if someone has a problem I prefer to explain instead of completely ignoring them, some of them might have interesting ideas in which to improve the story.

This is the penultimate chapter of Death & Love, after this there will be one more chapter before moving onto my next series. I wanted to get this out the way quickly because I've got a lot going on a uni right now and it'll take a while to write the last chapter.

Just as an advisement there isn't a lot of sexual or erotic elements in this chapter, rather this is a much more personal chapter for Caleb as he and Billie deal with the aftermath of Vincent. I recommend you do read it though as the ending has a major turning point in the story. 

*

I sat on the uncomfortable sofa, tired but wide awake at the same time. I looked around the small cafe, completely empty apart from me and a sleeping Billie who was lying across my lap, I gently stroked her hair as we waited. We had been in the police department for the past 12 hours answering questions, waiting for them to examine evidence, hoping they would believe Vincent's death was self-defence. I looked back on all the questions I'd been asked.

'Why did your sister attack Moreno?'

'He was chocking me, trying to kill me.'

'Why was he trying to kill you?'

'I found out he killed my friend.'

'How did you find out?'

'The things he said give it away, when he jumped me he admitted it, said he was going to kill me then rape and kill my sister.'

'How do you know that?'

'He said he was going to, I believed him.'

'Why did your sister hit him with a mirror?'

'I don't know you'll have to ask her.'

This went on for hours, I don't know how Billie's questioning went but when we were both released from our rooms she was close to tears. We managed to keep our illicit relationship hidden helped by the fact the police didn't ask about why Vincent killed T.J., they probably assumed we wouldn't know. 

It was nearing 3 in the morning when a female officer walked into the cafe, she was present at my interrogation and I knew she was kind and considering. She pulled a chair alongside the sofa.

'How is she?' She asked softly.

'Tired, we both are but I've gotta stay up.'

'Why's that?'

'Protect her; make sure no-one harms her.'

'You seem to really care about her.'

'I do, she's my everything. If anyone harmed my sister in any way I could never forgive myself; that's why I hated Vincent, he tried to harm her but she got lucky.'

'That's actually why I came here, you're free to go.'

'What?'

'That's right; you're both acquitted of all charges. We did some digging, you were right about your friend he was murdered by Vincent, D.N.A. proved it. We also linked Vincent to an unsolved rape case from a couple of years ago, we interviewed his mother who told us he had been seeing a psychiatrist who told us Vincent was a prime candidate for committing crimes, add to that that he's killed and raped before and your sister made the right decision in defending you both. She didn't mean to kill him only save you, his death was an unfortunate accident from the weather, far as we can tell no crime was committed.'

'You mean it?'

'Absolutely, the only thing we have is assault for your sister using a mirror but no-one's going to charge her for that. You can leave anytime you want, would you like me to phone your mother.'

'No thanks, I called her earlier; she's at an office party. I explained our situation and told her I'd handle it. I'll call a taxi.'

'Ok.'

The officer left, what a relief that was, Vincent gone and we were both safe, for once everything was going our way. I lifted Billie up and skilfully got off the sofa, however the movement still woke Billie.

'Hmm, Cay? What's going on?'

'Shh, back to sleep. I'm going to phone a taxi. We're allowed to go home, they're not charging us.'

'Oh, that's great. Wake me up when it arrives please.'

'Sure.'

I kissed Billie's forehead and let her drift back to sleep, outside I called the taxi from my mobile.

'Hello All The Fours Taxis how can I help.'

'Yeah, can I get a taxi for two from the Glasgow Central Police Department please?'

'Certainly sir can I just have your name and destination?'

'Yeah, my name's Caleb Dawltry and I'm going to...'

My mind drew another blank; I suddenly couldn't remember where home was.

'Can you give me a second to check something?'

I quickly pulled my driver's licence out my wallet and gave my address; the taxi wouldn't take long due to the early time. After I'd put the phone back in my pocket I turned and put my head against the wall in a state of anguish. I kept saying to myself 'Not again, I can't deal with this now. Please God not now.' After everything that'd happened I couldn't deal with anymore brain shit. 

Billie was still asleep when the taxi arrived so I carried her out and placed her in her seat gently, the ride was short and uneventful, the driver looked back a few times but he said nothing, I guess he thought we were both exhausted which we were. Billie woke up a few streets away from the house and took a minute to realise where we were, she was obviously happy to be out of the station but there was something in her eyes that still seemed sad. When we got back I paid the driver and helped Billie inside, the crime scene investigators who has swarmed our house that afternoon had packed and gone. I helped a falling to sleep Billie to her room and laid her down on her bed, I didn't bother to change her and just left her in her clothes. I was just about to leave when I heard her speak.

'Cay, please don't leave.' Her voice was timid and scared. 'I want to be with someone, to hold someone, someone I know will always love me.'

I turned around to face her. 'I will, I've just got to get washed then I'll be back.'

'Promise me something Cay, promise me that no matter what happens between us, no matter what either of us do you will always love me.'

I was thrown back by her ask but I accepted. 'Of course Billie, I'll always love you.'

'Good, then I have to confess. When the police asked why I hit Vincent with a mirror I told them I panicked and grabbed the first thing I could find; that was a lie. I picked the thing I though could do the most damage. I hated him Cay, I didn't want him dead but I wanted him to suffer like I'd suffered by his hand.'

I was shocked by Billie's confession; this girl I knew who growing up would never hold a grudge against anyone was admitting to me she hated someone. I stood gobsmacked as she continued.

'I'm not sorry he's dead, I'm almost glad to be rid of him, I'm glad I killed him.'

'Billie you didn't kill...'

'But I did Cay, I'm responsible for his death and this feeling of relief and joy I have is horrible. So please promise to love me no matter because I already hate myself so much right now I couldn't take it if you hated me as well.'

To hell with getting washed, there was no way I was going to leave with Billie in this state, I sat down on the bed and let her snuggle up close to me as I stroked her hair.

'Billie, there is nothing you could ever do that would make me hate you, it's literally impossible. You shouldn't blame yourself for that bastard's death, he was a killer and a rapist, he got what he deserved.'

Billie said nothing but I could tell she felt a little better. We both fell asleep pretty soon afterwards, well she did, I stayed awake for another few hours, my arm draped over Billie's stomach, holding her close. After everything that'd happened I didn't want to let her go.

It was around 9 in the morning when I finally woke up; me and Billie were still spooning. I thought nothing of it until I realised Billie had taken her trousers off during the night and had returned to our normal sleeping arrangement. Obviously she wasn't kidding about needing someone close; I felt I should let her sleep but it was too late for that, Billie stirred awake, she turned round and looked at me, a feeling of ease on her face like yesterday was just a bad dream.

'Hey you.' She whispered.

'Hey.' I whispered back. 'How you doing?'

'Better.' Billie looked down at my hand on her stomach; dangerously close to her pussy. 'Definitely better.' 

Billie took my hand and slowly moved it downwards, into her pants; all the while singing softly.

'God only know what I'd do without you.'

I could see where this was going so I took the initiative and shifted my own hand. Soon enough my fingers were stroking her cunny, I kissed her neck as I slowly fingered her and my thumb circled her clit, as I'd done soon many mornings before. But this felt different; we were both still scared and shaken over what happened, all the previous mornings had been about sex whereas today was about knowing we had someone with us. My fingers moved quicker, Billie's breathing became sharper, I kept kissing her neck, going down to her shoulders then back up, lather rinse repeat. Billie did her part and stroked her breasts, exciting herself in a way I couldn't at that moment. Our legs became entwined; we both felt my hardening cock deep in her panty-clad ass but we were both too lost in the moment to care. Not long afterwards Billie tensed up, she bit her bottom lip to stop from screaming out and gradually she loosened up, her orgasm gave her a beautiful glow that the morning sun only intensified. Billie turned around to face me and kissed me.

'Thank you Cay.'

Billie sat up and took her top off, followed closely by her pants. Sensing where we were heading I pulled my trousers and boxers off, Billie, now naked, climbed on top of me, she guided my cock into her wet and ready pussy, edging herself down. I took my chance and grabbed her ass, both feeling it for sexual purposes and helping her. We got a steady rhythm going, Billie was bouncing on me, getting faster and faster; when her fantastic breasts starting jumping on her chest I leaned forward to taste them, sucking them and furthering the experience for us both. Strangely, despite being so soon after her last one Billie was first to cum, I followed suit not long afterwards, not leaving her until I had finished cumming in her. With both of us finished Billie practically fell down, her head in the pillow beside me. Her heavy breathing made me think she was getting over her orgasm but as she got up I heard her sniff, trying to hold back tears.

'Billie what's wrong?' I was generally worried, did I hurt her anyway.

'Nothing Cay, it's just that every time we make love it reminds me that I'm going to lose you and I hate it. I don't want you to die I want to be with you forever, I want to stay with you, be with you, marry you, have your children, grow old and die with you so I don't have to live without you. I love you Caleb, I've never loved anyone like you and I never will.'

I remained silent, there was nothing to say, I simply kissed her, I couldn't promise everything would alright because we both knew it wouldn't but I could reassure her fears at least.

Later that day, after we were both washed and dressed I got a call from one of the creators for Taggart.

'Caleb, I tried to get you yesterday where were you?'

'The police station, don't ask it's a long story. Me and Billie had to answer some questions about some dead guy.'

'Jeez sorry I asked.'

'Never mind I'll tell you the whole story later. What you want?'

'Problem, Aaron's mother took ill so he's out of work for a few months, I need you to write something, you can continue on from one of the story's we have here or you can come up with your own. We're safe for another few months but we'll need something soon.'

'I don't know Jim, it'll probably take me awhile to get something down and...'

I stopped talking when I looked at a nearby wall and the picture on it; it was T.J., Jane and I from a few years back, we were at a carnival, on the big wheel to be precise. T.J. was holding the camera in one hand, the other around Jane who was in the middle of us. Jane was jokingly trying to escape T.J. who was kissing her cheek. I was to the opposite side of Jane, laughing along with the both of them. Looking back at the happier times I had a brainwave.

'Actually Jim I've got something, I'll call you later.

JANUARY

'A murder leads to a tale of revenge, mistaken identity and a long held family secret. Find out more next week on Taggart.'

Billie giggled at the advert on telly; Jim was so impressed by my writing that he put my script forward to be in the chance of being nominated for an award or two. I felt bad about using the whole tragedy with T.J. and Vincent as an idea but it was all I had at the time. It was not long after the new year, me and Billie had spent Christmas with mum who introduced us to Richard, a man she had been seeing for a month or two, we were both glad she's found someone, after dad's death she hadn't been on a date and this was best for her. New Year however belonged to us, we spent the day with Jane and Kathy but during the countdown she was with family so me and Billie were together the whole evening, just us two. We celebrated the New Year in style and bed. I left Billie in her happy state because I had to see Doctor Freeman again, our past few meetings had been less than pleasant but today was going to be different. Hopefully. As before I lay on the sofa and the Doc sat on a chair nearby. 

'How are you taking the death of Vincent?'

'Truthfully I'm glad to see the back of him; I hated him. Billie's taking it hard she blames herself for killing him.'

'Do you blame her?'

'Of course not, the whole thing was an accident.'

Doc took a deep breath 'Caleb I'm going to ask you the same question that ruined our last two meetings, if you want to leave go now so that we don't end on bad terms again.'

I sat up, I wasn't going to leave but every part of me said I should. 'I'm starting to wish I took up smoking. Doc I'm going to come clean with you, don't say anything until I'm finished because I'm going to lay it all on you. I have slept with my sister, when you first asked if I wanted to I said no, that was a lie I did, when you asked if anything had happened I lied again, I had slept with Billie, I had, I was and I am. I'm in love with my sister Doc, in our eyes we're married and we're trying to have a kid. This didn't happened because I was scared or because I was lonely, it was because she was scared, she was lonely; Billie's so afraid of losing me that she wanted to love me in the deepest way possible, to have my child so that she has someone to love once I'm dead. Billie's been in love with me for years and I've only just noticed. So there Doc, I've told you everything, you were right so I guess you're feeling pretty smug right now.'

'Caleb I don't feel smug, and I wasn't right, you said your sister fell in love with you first, you would have eventually fell in love regardless of what I said.'

'Are you going to call the police?'

'No, no it wouldn't seem right given all that's happened.'

'Thanks Doc, I don't think we should see each other again. Thank you for all your help but we can't continue, I'll go now.'

'Caleb wait. I was hoping to bring this up during our talk, there's an experimental procedure for cases like yours, the haemorrhage can be removed and replaced with brain tissue from a donor allowing you to live a lot longer. However, it's a high risk operation and can lead to you being completely brain-dead if not fully dead. I've reviewed your friend T.J.'s medical history and he's a perfect match for you; you can undergo the procedure if you so wish.'

I didn't bother looking up at the Doc, I already had my answer. 'No thanks Doc, I'll pass.'

'Can I ask why?'

'You said the operation is high risk, sure I could be rid of this cunt in my head but the odds are I'll die and I don't want to run the risk. I don't want to lose my sister on a hospital bed I want to be with her a long as I can; if that lasts ten years or ten days it'll at least be with her. Goodbye Doctor Freeman.'

'Goodbye Caleb, you're welcome back anytime.'

With that I left, four years of thoughts and feelings and secrets all gone in an instant. I never did go back, I hated myself for it but it was what I had to do. 

Later that I went to visit Jane, she was having a going-away party at her house as the next day she would be leaving. It was a small event, only a handful of people but that made it all the better, allowed Jane to say goodbye to those close to her. I was in the kitchen playing with Kathy when Jane entered to get another drink.

'Hey Caleb, I haven't seen you all evening.'

'You seemed busy, so you're really leaving?'

'Yeah, the house is mine till the end of the week then I'm off. I don't have any regrets and I just need to get away. Where's Billie?'

'At home, she's afraid you might get angry with her, because of what Vincent believed she thinks you'll blame her for T.J.'

'That's crazy, Vincent was insane. Tell her I don't blame her and I want to say goodbye to her before I leave tomorrow.'

'Sure thing.'

I looked down at Jane's hand and saw her missing her ring. 'Where's your ring?'

'Oh, I took it off, thought it might help with the grieving. I've been thinking about selling them, get a little money off them.'

'Don't do that, you'll get next to nothing for them. Tell you what I'll buy them, I'll you the money directly or if you don't want that I'll put it in a trust fund for Cathy.'

'Why'd you want to do that?'

'Because I love you and T.J. and I want something to remember you both, plus this will help you in the long term.'

'Fine, talk to me later and I'll give you the rings, put the money in a trust fund, I want something for my daughter to fall back on if things get bad.'

'Thanks.'

Jane hugged me, a solitary tear fell down her cheek, we were both sad to be losing each other but fate works like that.

It was one or two in the morning by the time I got back, I went upstairs to find Billie asleep on our bed, feeling wide awake and not wanting to disturb her I went back downstairs, poured myself a drink and put some music on quietly. I picked 'Nostalgia' by Emily Barker, a nice soft tune and relevant, with T.J. and Jane's wedding rings in my pocket and the fun-fair picture on the wall I had a great sense of reminiscence. Sitting on the sofa I looked through a mental photo album, remembering all the times the tree of us had, soon I was remembering my childhood with Billie.

I'm 2, I'm taking into the hospital to see my mother holding this little bundle, I'm told this is my baby sister and I'm to look after her. With mum holding me I hold my sister, I don't want to let her go.

I'm 7, I'm teaching Billie to ride a bike. She has difficulty but with me holding her she manages to get the hang of it.

I'm 12, Billie's going to leave for a few days for school camp. She hugs me tightly, she tells me she's going to miss me the most.

I'm 16, I've just been told about my condition, that I'm going to die. I take the job of telling Billie who's been told she's safe. I tell her everything, watching the tears well up in her eyes, she doesn't wait until I'm finished to grab me and hold me. Mum tells her to let me go but Billie yells no, she doesn't want to let me go.

I'm 8, it's Christmas, me and Billie are on a sled going down a hill, both of us laughing like idiots, me holding her firmly, preventing her from falling. Mum and dad are there too but not in this picture, here's it's just me and Billie. That's my favourite memory, my most precious, the one I look at to remind me why I love Billie so much. All my memories are precious, with my condition I'll lose them so I keep them close to me for as long as I can. I don't know if it was the drink, the song, the reminiscing or all of the above or even just my love for Billie and my fear of losing her but for the first time since I was told about my condition I cried, I cried over the lost memories and the fucked up situation I was in. For the first time in my life I was scared to die.




Death & Love Ch. 05



This is the fifth and final chapter in the Death & Love series, after this I will be moving onto my next series – but more about that at the end. I want to thank everyone who commented on the story and the advice I was giving and I hope you all like this ending.




They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes, bullshit; all I saw was a white light. I guess I shouldn't have expected much. Through the whiteness I heard a dull voice.

'Caleb?'

It was a man's voice definitively, hard to hear but I recognized my name.

'Caleb, can you hear me?'

I'm not a man of faith but I couldn't deny the possibility that God was talking to me. So why did God sound like Doctor Freeman? The white light moved, a sharp pain came across me face like I'd been slapped.

'Caleb wake up, can you hear me.'

My eyes adjusted to my surroundings, I was still at home, on the couch; Doctor Freeman is kneeling beside me holding a torch, to his left I see Billie she's obviously been crying heavily. When she sees me stir awake I can see she's restraining herself from jumping over to kiss me. Doc's got a smile on his face.

'Welcome back Caleb, we thought we'd lost you.'

'What happened?' I sit up my head still has a numbing pain.

'Your brain happened, something inside triggered your disease and it tried to kill you, you were out at least an hour. You're very lucky your sister called me when she did.'

'I panicked Cay.' Billie's voice was trembling; the whole event must have terrified her. 'I know you said to call an ambulance but Doctor Freeman was easier to reach and I knew he could help more.'

'It's ok Billie I'm alive ain't I. Come here.'

My shaken sister walked carefully over to me and welcomed my hug, reassuring her I was alright. She was surprised when I kissed her in front of the Doc.

'Cay...'

'It's alright Billie he knows, even if he didn't I don't care. Christ you look exhausted, go up to bed I'll join you later.'

Billie was too tired to argue, she just went upstairs and straight to bed. I turned to the Doc.

'Thanks Doc, I know we've had our disagreements but you did save me so thanks.'

'Caleb I'm not your doctor anymore remember, call me Gordon.'

'Ok, Gordon. Call me Cay.'

'Cay I'm going to be honest with you; what happened to you today, should have killed you.'

'What, but you said...'

'When I arrived and your sister told me what happened I had you pegged for dead, I could do nothing. All I did was give you morphine and occasionally try to wake you, I only stayed because you had a pulse if that went I would have pronounced you dead without hesitation.'

'Shit, how did I survive?''

'Cay have you heard the medical term 'Higher Power?' It's not a legit medical term but it's what doctor's use to explain how a patient who faced impossible odds survived, much like you did today.'

'Doc you're not going to get into a conversation about faith are you, no offence but with my shit I ain't exactly a religious man.'

'I'm just saying you being here is a miracle, a lot of doctors turn religious when they witness their first one. They believe that person has survived because they have a purpose to fulfil. Of course being a doctor your faith is shattered just as quickly as it's built, I'm lucky to have survived over twenty years without losing mine.'

I kept thinking about what Doc said about a purpose, I remembered what Billie told me just before I passed out. 'Doc I think you might be right about the purpose thing. Just before I went Billie told me, she told me she was pregnant.'

Doc said nothing but a small smile went across his mouth, he got up, patted me on the shoulder, said his goodbyes and left. I don't know why, maybe he knew it was a controversial discussion between us, maybe he didn't want to talk about it. Hell maybe this was him giving his blessing by not disowning us, whatever his reason I'm glad he didn't make a big deal out of it. I'm still not a religious man but before I went upstairs to join Billie I prayed to God, thanking him for saving me, I then asked if he could keep me alive long enough to see my child. Going upstairs I caught myself with the widest grin on my face, I was going to be a dad.

I awoke early the next morning, despite that Billie was still up before me. I put on a dressing gown and head downstairs to find her; she's in the kitchen pouring herself a drink while humming 'God Only Knows.' I look her over; she's wearing her nightie, her short, see-through nightie that I caught her in so many times before we were together. I just stand there watching her for a while, she notices me after a while and smiles, her eyes never leaving mine Billie reaches up to a cupboard, the nightie lifting with her arms and her bare arse revealing itself to me. That was enough for me, I strolled to her and hug her from behind, kissing her neck and staying like that.

'Morning.' Her voice was soft and breathy.

'Morning to you, that was a crazy night.'

'Cay I don't care what happened last night. That fact that your alive means more to me than you know.'

'I bet, especially since your carrying an extra weight around.'

My hands wandered down to just below her stomach and held themselves there so Billie knew what I was talking about.

'Ah, I didn't know if you'd heard me or not. While you were out at Jane's I took a test, I would have told you sooner but I wanted to say it to your face and I feel asleep waiting for you. I took another one this morning to be sure, positive.'

'We did it Billie, the both of us. We're going to be parents, I can't wait.'

'Oh please Cay, you're just waiting for me to get extra horny.'

'Well that's definitely a plus but it's just an extra.'

Billie turned around so she was facing me, we kissed, a kiss that just kept going. Billie hopped herself onto the kitchen counter so she was sitting on it, she scooted her nightie up so her bottom and by definition her pussy were both free but she kept it on. I threw off my dressing gown and dropped my trousers, I was already hard from Billie's earlier show, as I slowly began to fuck Billie we never stopped kissing, once in Billie wrapped her legs around me, using them to pull me in closer as we fucked on the counter. Through the whole thing we never stopped kissing, I only noticed her cum when she started moaning in my mouth, I came not long afterwards and then, both in post-coital bliss, we held each other. I couldn't help but laugh.

'If you weren't pregnant that oughta do it.'

'Fuck, I just thought of mum.'

'Totally different wavelengths here Billie.'

'Fuck off Cay, I mean I just thought of telling mum about this. I can't tell her this is some stranger's baby she'll make me abort it, then again I can't tell her it's yours she do the same thing.'

'We'll tell her together, if she doesn't like it who cares, this is our baby and we'll love it no matter.'

Knowing she'd have my support Billie hugged me tighter, in my ear I heard her whisper.

'God only knows, what I'd be without you.'

Billie then jumped off the counter and lead me upstairs to her bedroom, her nightie was taken off on the stairs and left there.

FEBRUARY

We waited a few weeks before deciding to tell mum, we needed to ready ourselves as much as possible, go through every possible scenario to make sure we could convince her we were having this baby. We found a day when we could meet, Billie and I went round to her house, mum was there with Richard who by now was staying over ever second day, neither of us knew how he would react.

'What is with you two, I haven't seen either of you since Christmas, have been avoiding me?' For some reason mum couldn't see the never-ending worry on our faces.

'Well mum.' Billie was the one who spoke, she kept her eyes on the ground the whole time. 'I have some news, some big news. Ok, um, I'm... I'm, God. I'm pregnant.'

We both looked at mum, her face was a mixture of surprise, confusion and happiness. 

'Oh, Billie that's fantastic news, how far are you, who's the father?'

'I'm a couple of weeks along and...' At this Billie held my hand, her fingers locked in mine as we watched the happiness drain out mum's face.

'You?'

I simply nodded.

'You sick perverted freak.' There was hate and disgust in mum's voice. 'Who do you think you are taking advantage of your sister like that?'

'Mum I didn't take advantage...'

'Don't give me excuses, you've tainted her, you disgusting freak. Come here Billie, we'll get rid of that abomination inside you, I knew letting you stay with him would be trouble. He's just like his father, his own life's ruined so he has to destroy those around him.'

Billie stood up but instead of going with mum she stayed with me, her eyes filling with tears over what mum had said about me and dad. 'No mum, I love him and I'm having this baby whether you like it or not.'

'You don't know what love is, he's tainted you.'

'No mum, I've loved him for years, I fell in love with him first he didn't even notice until last summer. I wanted this baby first and there's no way in hell I'm giving up the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.'

Mum's anger had turned to complete shock, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. 'What have you two done with my children, my two normal children who aren't freaks or tramps?'

Billie tried to get in closer to mum but mum did something none of us expected, she slapped Billie away. The red mark on her face was bright and painful even to look at, Billie just ran away in tears to the car outside. I lost it with mum.

'Are you happy now you selfish cunt?' I didn't mean to call her that but I was so angry, my voice was nothing but venom. 'Why can't you just be happy for us, or at least excepting? Couldn't you see that I love her, can't you understand that I found someone who not only loves me despite this bastard in my head but also fears for my death because she can't bear being without me. It wasn't my sister it was the kindest, most beautiful woman in the world called Billie Dawltry and it's my curse that she's my sister. I love Billie mum, I want to be with her, I want to marry her I want to have any and all my children with her and I want to be in her arms when I finally die, we're having this baby whether you like it or not and if you can't get off you fucking self righteous fucking high horse it's your loss.'

I just left mum in that state of disbelief, I was still furious with her and couldn't bear looking at her. I was out the house and halfway across the garden when Richard, who'd remained silent through the whole ordeal, chased after me.

'Caleb, wait.'

'I don't want to hear it Richard, I don't care what you or her has to say, nobody treats Billie like that especially not her own mother. So if you're here to preach then please just go back inside.'

'Caleb, I'm not here to judge, rather I'm here to congratulate.'

'What.'

'Let me tell you something, growing up my father was just like you, a writer. He worked for Disney and every night he would tell me a story, I grew up believing in true love and I thought I found it; you mother isn't the only one to have a ruined marriage but while hers was destroyed by death mine's was some rich bastard across the street.'

'I'm sorry to hear that Richard.'

'It's fine, the point is despite that I never stopped believing in true love and just looking at you and Billie I can see I was right. Look I'll talk to your mother, try and get her to not overreact, you look after Billie and your baby.'

'Thanks Richard, you don't need to do this.'

'I want to Caleb, I want to be part of your life and I want you not to resent me.'

'Done.'

We both turned to go in our opposite directions, that is until Richard called me again. 'Oh Caleb, I have a cousin who got ordained as a joke, he's got no morals so with a little persuasion he might talk to you and Billie, just some friendly info.'

I was so amazed at how well Richard was taking this whole thing, he'd been in our family less than four months and already there was so much shit going on. I suppose I should be grateful. I got back in the car where a still crying Billie was waiting.

'That bitch, I knew she wouldn't like us but she went too far. Where the hell does she get off badmouthing dad?'

'You gotta remember Billie that dad never told mum about his condition until after I was born, she probably still resents him for that. She loved sure but she believes he ruined her life with his early death and ruined mine for the same reason.'

'That's ridiculous.' Billie wiped her eyes and sat up. 'What did Richard want?'

'He congratulated us, basically said he was ok with us having a baby together. I think he even hinted at getting someone to marry us legally.'

Billie sat up. 'You serious?'

'Damn right.' Reaching into my pocket I pulled out T.J. and Jane's wedding rings. 'I bought these off Jane, she was just going to throw them away but I had a better use for them. Billie Dawltry, will you marry me, for real this time?'

Billie didn't answer but I took her jumping on me as a yes. After she'd kissed me she put her ring on, she was nearly crying as she did. Looking back we saw mum at the window having just witnessed our engagement. Billie took this opportunity and flipped mum the bird using her ring finger, we both laughed as I drove off.

MARCH

By this point Billie was beginning to show a small bump but thankfully it was easily hidden from most people, note I said most. A few days into March and suddenly a very angry Heather appears at our house demanding to see Billie.

'Billie what the hell is going on?'

'What do you mean Hezz?'

'You know damn well what I mean, that thing in your stomach, don't tell me your smuggling pillows. I can see right through Billie, no-one else can but I can. So just tell me the truth.'

During this whole conversation I was upstairs, eavesdropping on the whole thing.

'Sit down Hezz, you know your my best friend right.'

'Yeah.'

'Well, you're right. I'm pregnant.'

'I knew it, God Billie why didn't you tell me, who's the father?'

'The father's the reason I didn't tell you. He's someone I love, someone I care about deeply. Make me a promise Hezz, promise me that what I tell you now remains a secret.'

'I promise. So who is he?'

'Caleb.'

'Caleb? Cal... Caleb! Billie please tell me it isn't who I think it is.'

'It is.'

'Jesus Christ. Billie what were you thinking, getting knocked up by your brother that's sick. I, I gotta get out of here.'

'Hezz please, look at this from my view. I love my brother but I'm going to lose him and I haven't been able to accept that. Remember what happened with Carol?'

'What's Carol's death got to do with this?'

'You were there, we both were. We watched Carol get hit by that car we watched her die, and that terrified me, I've never been able to get over that fear. I get the same fear whenever I think about losing Cay.'

'That still doesn't justify this.'

'Let me finish, I wanted to show Caleb how much I loved him, I wanted to be with him in the closest way possible. Think about it Hezz you know how long I've been in love with him.'

'Ok, what's with the baby though?'

'That was our idea, we both wanted it. The engagement however was mine.'

Heather nearly jumped out her skin when she heard me. 'Fuck Cay, I'm already on edge with this news. Did you say engagement?'

'Yes, we found a way and we're going through with it. I hope you won't judge us too harshly.'

Heather was still in shock, she just sat there saying nothing. Billie took Heather's hand and held it.

'Hezz, I love you and I hope you won't think less of us for this. If you can't accept this I won't stop you leaving, but if you can find it in your heart to acknowledge our relationship then I would love for you to be at our wedding as my maid of honour.' 

Despite the massive shock that Heather had just got the fact that her friend wanted her there for the most important day of her life meant everything. Suddenly the whole incest subject was thrown out the window and there was just the two of them, and me but my only role was to show up.

'Damn it Billie I love you too much to hate you. Of course I'll be there.' 

The two friends hugged, Heather then walked over and stood in front of me. 'This is totally weird but thinking about it I'm surprised you two didn't do this sooner. Look after her won't you.'

'Of course.'

Heather hugged me, it surprised me but I didn't stop her. After she'd finished she left us, I sat down next to Billie. 'She took that pretty well.'

'Hezz has been my friend too long to hate me, you give her time and she'll fully accept our relationship. Much more than mum would.'

'Billie stop that, this is big for mum her two children are getting married and having a baby it's a lot to deal with. Just be thankful that Richard is giving us a minister.'

'God don't mention our wedding, this is going to be tough, it'll be expensive, plus we got a kid coming. Let's take the bets now what will come first the wedding or the kid?'

'Calm down Billie, one thing at a time. Fiver on the kid coming first.'

Billie lightly slapped my arm but rectified it with a kiss, we went to bed that night not caring about any of our problems.

JULY

For the next few months it was just me and Billie, Heather and her girlfriend, Amanda stopped by a few times and Richard came round to tell us he'd sorted things out with mum – although she refused to talk to us about our relationship – but mostly it was just the two of us. By now Billie couldn't hide the fact that she was pregnant and soon enough the rumours started around her university, thank God for Heather who quenched the more revolting ones and made a lie telling the students that Billie had a one night stand with an up-and-coming band member, she got pregnant but didn't know until he was off on tour. It was a weak lie but with the amount of unheard bands that came through the city no-one questioned it, a few fellow students even asked for a sample CD. I will say this, what they say about pregnant woman being horny as hell; they weren't lying. Good God did Billie get randy I mean before we would have sex every couple of days but now, for the first time in my life, I was actually trying to avoid Billie to give myself a rest. Unfortunately Billie's other hormones sky-rocketed as well, one minute she would be all over me the next she would be furious, the next crying then back on me I couldn't keep up. She complained a lot more but I stayed quiet and let her vent, after I moaned about my condition for several years she deserved her own rant every now and then. However there was one complaint I could never stay quiet for, one complaint that came up constantly and every time I had to disagree with her. The complaint had been referenced a few times during the pregnancy but the first time it actually came up was in the first week of July, the sun was shining in the early morning sky, I was lying on the bed half asleep and Billie was standing in front of the mirror looking over herself. That's when she asked me the million pound question.

'Do I look fat?'

I'd be hard pressed to find another time I was that terrified. I sat up and looked Billie over, she was standing there naked with one arm under her pregnancy bump. She had definitely grown but she wasn't fat, sure her breasts had increased – unquestionably a plus – amongst other parts of her that were larger than before but she not fat, in fact she was more beautiful than ever. I just sat there looking at this, Goddess in front of me; her long, curly, golden brown hair framed her angelic face, her deep green eyes held a feeling of uncertainty and fear as she waited for an answer. For the past few weeks Billie had spent some time outside, a few minutes a day so as not to harm the baby, and had built up an amazing tan giving her skin a light bronze look to it, combined with a thin sheen of sweat she had from the heat and when the light hit her right she had a gorgeous glow to her. I swear my mouth fell open.