16 comments/ 41011 views/ 16 favorites Cousins Long Lost By: drscar My aunt Sarah approached me from across the room. I had been avoiding her all night because, well, I just felt uncomfortable around her. I just didn't ever know what to say. Our exchanges were always awkward and stilted, the ice never really breaking. "It's good to see you Jeremy," she said. "It's too bad that Heather couldn't be here. I know that she would have loved to have seen you." I smiled. "Yes, it would have been really nice to have seen her too," I agreed. Heather was my Aunt Sarah's daughter, and I hadn't seen her since I was 21. In fact, it had been seventeen years since I had seen either my aunt or Heather, and I wasn't sure if I was disappointed or relieved that Heather wasn't there. Mostly disappointed. No, wait. Mostly relieved. Oh hell. My aunt continued, "I know that you two always had a... special connection." I fought hard not to blanche. What did she mean by that? Could she know? If she knew, how could she known? Surely Heather wouldn't have said anything to her mother! The look on my aunt's face was unreadable. She wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, so the likelihood that this was some sort of signal to me was slim. But still, there was that look on her face, and the way she said it. She moved on, not saying another word, leaving me with a heart pounding violently in my chest and my legs significantly weakened. My mind raced. If she knew, was she okay with it? Was that ex post facto permission? If she didn't know, what did she mean by that? There was no way in hell I could approach her and ask her. As slow as she was, the act of asking the question would have raised considerable suspicion and focus a spotlight on something that I did not want brought to light. The biggest secret of my entire life. I excused my way past people talking in the living room and went into the bathroom at the top of the stairs and locked the door. Slumping down against the wall, I felt the blood pulse in my ears, my breathing constricted. I found myself starting to shake, uncontrollably at the thought that my secret had been exposed, that somehow Aunt Sarah had unearthed what happened seventeen years ago. I bent to place my forehead in my hands and felt the skin damp with perspiration. What did she mean? Maybe Heather had a diary. Aunt Sarah could be a nosy bitch if she wanted to be. Maybe Heather confided to her mother instead. I found that scenario highly unlikely, because Heather always despised her mother. Then again, maybe they had a reconciliation. Seventeen years is a long time and a lot can happen in that time. Fuck! I thought, and then realized I had said it out loud. But then the look on Sarah's face had shown no anger, no concern. I started to calm down a little. It was well known about Heather's crush on me growing up. In fact, it was something of the family joke. It's strange how relatives can hold onto things you did as a young child and bring them up at inappropriate moments (like family reunions). In my family it was Heather's infatuation with me. When I was nine and she was six, the story goes much to the amusement of everyone in attendance, Heather would chase me around my grandparents' house, trying to kiss me. I would run away in horror, probably something about how girls had cooties or something. Cue big laughter all around. Cute kids. Harmless family stories. Heather's father was in the Coast Guard, and mine was in the Navy. Between our two families we never spent considerable time together because of those distances. As a result, our families almost never were in the same place at the same time. Whenever we were together, however, the scene played itself out between Heather and me. I don't think there was ever a time when Heather didn't have a crush on me, and followed me around wherever we went. Her older bother Charlie, a mean little kid (and a year younger than myself) would constantly make Heather's life miserable by chanting incessantly, "Heather and Jeremy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..." Heather would plead for him to stop, but Charlie could never pass up an opportunity to try to humiliate his younger sister. What no one knew or understood was that Heather didn't just have a crush, and it didn't ever dissipate. She knew something that no one else could possibly had ever imagined or believed - for her, it was love at first sight. Looking back I suppose there was no way to recognize it for what it was. After all, who gets love at first sight when you're a toddler? Nevertheless, whatever it was, Heather jealously guarded her feelings and protected them from Charlie's teasing. As I grew older I found myself looking forward to the moments when I would see her, few and far between as they were. The three year age difference between us meant that the feelings were confusing. She wasn't like a sister (though I didn't have a sister so I wasn't sure what that would truly feel like), but she wasn't like any other girl I had ever known either. All I knew was I enjoyed her company during those times we saw each other, and soon we were inseparable during those visits. Sometimes those visits were only for a weekend and years apart, but the only thing that changed were our bodies as we started our journey through puberty. At that age three years means a huge difference, but it didn't change our enjoyment of each other's company. And the teasing and comments continued, not just from Charlie but from the rest of the extended family as well. We would sit on our grandparents living room floor (the usual place where our families would congregate) and play with our matchbox cars. Our playtime world was more telling for how we played, rather than what we played - Heather would always want to be my "wife" and I would play the "husband". Looking back now I see that it's completely understandable (and possibly inevitable) that we were teased so much. It was during one of these gaps between visits that I had the dream, at fifteen. I was standing on top of a mountain with a girl whom I loved with all my heart. I couldn't see her face, but when we held each other I knew that this was the woman I needed to find. She was the perfect woman, the woman that I knew must one day be with me forever. Even so the feeling was so strong, and it was so pure, it was also tragic. I knew that this woman before me was the one I was made for, but would never be able to have. Even in the dream I knew that the woman whom I couldn't see clearly but felt such powerful emotions represented Heather. I pushed the thought out of my head instantly, dismissing it as ridiculous and the ravings of an uncontrollable subconscious. I was in denial about who the woman represented, though. I was torn by the sick, twisted meaning that the dream represented and the purity of the love I felt within it. I went to sleep for months afterwards hoping to return to the dream and find out who the true identity was supposed to be. It couldn't be Heather, it couldn't be! I didn't want Heather to be the woman I've considered to be the one for me. I didn't want her to be the one. I didn't want it to be true, because if it did it meant that I would never be able to have what I knew I was capable of feeling. My romantic life became dictated by that feeling I had in the dream, the capacity for love was so deep that I sought it in every girl I ever dated. Throughout high school and college I sought that girl, that one who would allow me to feel the way I felt in the dream. As the years passed on I felt trapped between the overwhelming nature of the emotion, and yet the realistic disappointment that comes with the knowledge that my ability to love so fully and completely might just be an artifact of the mind. When I graduated college, I had made plans to travel and see the world. I was going to spend a year abroad traveling, working and studying in France. I was extremely excited and had all but forgot about the dream as I had no interest in finding a girl for a long-term relationship before I left. My bags were packed, my passport and visa ready, and I was good to go. My arrangements were made to leave for the south of France immediately after the July 4th celebration at my aunt's house. These celebrations were always a lot of fun. My uncle set up a volleyball net in the back yard, they had a pool, and there was more food than could feed a small village. I always looked forward to them and felt that this would be a fantastic sendoff. Everything shattered like crystal glass the instant I saw Heather. It had been seven years since I had seen her, and the years had not just been kind to her, they had been phenomenal. The eleven-year-old that I had last seen had turned into the most amazing 18-year old. Any man, especially one suffering from post-pubescent hormone poisoning, would react to the beautiful woman in front of him. To my horror, I realized that my initial reaction within the dream - that the woman in the dream represented Heather - was accurate. My heart instantly broke and I felt a weight press down on me so heavy that I could barely breathe. This reunion would be more bittersweet than I could have ever imagined. When she saw me her eyes lit up, growing wide as saucers. The smile that broke across her face was wide, genuine, and full of joy - exactly the kind of greeting we all hope to have when someone sees us enter the room. She ran over to me and threw her arms around me, giving me a robust embrace. She was a tiny, slight thing, and her breasts pressed against me as she practically climbed on top of me. She gave me a huge kiss on the cheek, and then another peck on the lips. I was mesmerized and shocked by my reaction to my cousin. She was gorgeous, sexy, and - how else to put it? - hot. I found my mind wandering into places that I never should have thought it would go. I felt the hormonal stirrings inside come unwanted and unbidden. The day went by in a blur. She never left my side, extremely enthusiastic and always a joy to be around. She was as playful as ever, and once again the comments came out from my relatives. "Do you remember, Jeremy," one of my aunts said as she chomped on a hot dog. "When Heather used to chase you around Grandma's house, trying to kiss you?" I didn't. "Actually, no," I said. A couple of the people around the table chuckled. "Oh, it was so cute!" she continued. Heather, sitting next to me, blushed a little and grinned sheepishly at me. My uncle, always one for the off-color jokes, pointed at Heather with his beer. "I bet now you wish you had let her catch you, eh?" A couple of his friends roared with laughter. Heather blushed, but I just feigned amusement. There were several responses going through my head but I felt that it would be best not to encourage anything. Another aunt piped up. "I remember when you two used to take baths together!" I looked at Heather, and who shrugged. I raised an eyebrow. "You mean, when I was four years old?" I asked, trying to diffuse the situation. My other uncle piped up, "Maybe that's why she was chasing you all those years, stud!" The entire table erupted in laughter. Heather looked down and blushed, covering her mouth to stifle a giggle. I had no idea what was going through her head, but I was not enjoying this line of conversation. My mother, who had no sense of humor and took things literally, said, "I don't get it." This just spawned additional laughter, bringing tears to my aunts' eyes. Fortunately, the comment took the conversation off on a tangent where my mother was the focus of abuse, rather than Heather and myself. Heather tapped me on the shoulder, and suggested that we go cool off in the pool. Eager to get away from the uncomfortable conversation, I agreed. We went in to change into our suits and I managed to jump in the pool first. When I broke the surface after my dive I was grateful to have the water cover me, as I when I saw Heather emerge from the house I couldn't help but have a reaction. Heather wore a normal two-piece bikini suit, but as she walked across the lawn towards the pool there was nothing normal about her. She was finely proportioned, her medium sized breasts rising above an iron-tight tummy. The vertical line of her abdomen guided my eyes down to a tiny belly button, below which was the undeniably sexy arcs of her hip bones that dived down underneath the fabric of the bikini bottoms to god-knows-what treasure between her legs. She ran across the remaining steps in the pool, and jumped into a cannonball right beside me, splashing me. When she surfaced I attacked her, lifted her out of the water and threw her across the pool. And the frolicking began. Our hands were all over each other as we tried to dunk each other under the water, tried to tickle each other (that was the worst: I'm extremely ticklish and she apparently remembered all of my spots). She wasn't completely naive, either, as the frolicking got more adult in nature. I picked her up and lifted her up over my head to toss her behind me, and my face came squarely between her breasts pulling her top down just a bit. Lifting her up and over my head I felt the bare skin of her nipples caress my back as she fell behind me. I tried to wipe the water from my face but as I did she was now completely behind me and decided to get her revenge by pulling down my swimming trunks. The only thing that prevented them from going any farther down than the crack of my ass was the raging hardon that had jumped to attention when I felt her breasts on my bare skin. She was still underwater, and I immediately reached in a panic to pull up my shorts. She wouldn't let me get away so easily, and held onto the waistband, continually tugging downwards. I thrashed about and tried to turn away, which meant turning to face her. Her grip got loose on the waistband and slid around to the front, her fingertips grazing my aching erection for the briefest of moments. She came up for air, gasping from trying to hold back her laughter. I shimmied my shorts up back around my hips and grabbed her by hers, preparing to lift her into the air to throw her again. Her legs wrapped around mine and tightened around me in a vice. I couldn't lift her off, no matter how hard I tried. Gravity works, though, and her pelvis came to rest on my aching hardon. There was no way to hide it. She wasn't letting go, and I couldn't go soft. I kept pulling on her to try to get away, tried to avoid her knowing what she was doing to me. She must have thought that I still wanted to throw her because she tightened her grip even more. The grinding was pure torture. We were both laughing but inside I was in torment. She ground herself onto me, and I found the head of my cock pressing deeper into her crotch, and it suddenly dawned on me that if it weren't for our flimsy pieces of fabric, I would likely be sliding inside of her pussy at this very moment. Attempting to hide this from her was a farce; there was no way she wouldn't notice this. She was laughing and brushing her long hair out of her face, and what I saw on her face and what I felt below the water seemed like two completely different things. My cock had practically pushed her suit inside of her, but here she was laughing and giggling as if we were doing nothing more than two cousins romping around in the pool. I looked at her and froze the moment in my head. She was beautiful, her body glistening from the water and her laughter ringing in my ears. Once more my heart broke, as I wanted to kiss her at that moment more than I ever thought it was possible to want anything. I had never felt such love for someone, never felt such conflicted torture. In that moment I didn't think it was possible to have such a feeling for someone. This was wrong, I knew it was wrong. I felt guilty and horny and in love all at the same time. I took us down under the water, and heard her scream in delight as she tried to get a last gasp of air. I tumbled in the water and tried to extract myself from her legs. It was difficult to do, and in the process we were touching each other all over. My hands held her hips, ran across her stomach, and in desperation I pulled at the front of her bikini. I heard her squeal in surprise under the water, but she clutched her bikini and leg go of me. We resurfaced, and tried to catch our breath. "I think..." I said, gasping, "that I need a break." She held her hand to her chest, breathing hard as well. "Me too," she said. She looked as if nothing happened before, nothing untoward at all. She turned around to climb out of the pool and I watched as she started to climb the ladder. Her body emerged from the water, dripping down with her bikini bottoms slightly askew. She pulled them back into place, seemingly unaware that I was lasciviously watching her beautiful form. She turned and looked surprised that I wasn't following. "Are you coming?" she asked. I waved her on. "Sure, sure," I said, making a show of breathing more heavily than I needed to. "I just need a moment." ... until this erection goes down! I thought. I watched her walk back to the house and tried my best to will my penis back to a normal state. As difficult as it had been to deal with the teasing from my relatives, this would have made my life more difficult than even I could imagine. When I felt that I could emerge from the water without causing a scene, I got out of the pool and went into the house. My aunt and uncle had a partially unfinished basement that was traditionally the place where the kids and visitors changed clothes for the pool. I headed down and went into the laundry room right next to the bathroom which we used as our changing room. Wrapped in my towel, I leaned against the washer as I waited for my turn to change clothes. Heather was changing inside the tiny bathroom, and as I waited my turn I tried not to imagine how she looked as she took off her clothes and momentarily stood naked. Despite myself, my erection returned and I struggled to adjust the towel and hold my change of clothes in front of me as I heard the bathroom door unlock. She emerged in a summery outfit of shorts and t-shirt, nothing sexy or spectacular, but in my mind she was as beautiful as a supermodel. We maneuvered around each other awkwardly so that I could get inside, but it's difficult when you're both holding onto wet clothing. I went inside and locked the door out of habit. "What's the matter," I heard her call from outside. "You afraid I'm going to come in or something?" As a matter of fact, yes! i thought to myself. "Just a habit," I called back. I tried to take off my wet bathing suit - difficult to do when wet even when not trying to maneuver around a raging hard-on. As I stood naked in the bathroom I stared down at my treacherous cock. The bastard had no clue what he was excited about, and he didn't care. He had no worries in the world about the position he was putting me in I brought my hands to the bridge of my nose and squeezed, trying to cope with the situation. Again this was wrong, she was my cousin. She was more than just off-limits. She was... hell, she was... I mean... No!! As much of a betrayal my body was, it was nothing compared to how much my heart had done. I don't know when I had fallen in love with Heather, there was no moment. But I remembered being in the pool and feeling a rush of emotion towards the woman I was holding in my hands far greater than the arousal between my legs. I started feeling a tickle in the back of my throat and inside my nose, a feeling that suggested threatening tears. This was not what I wanted, this could not be what I deserved. It didn't seem fair. Cousins Long Lost My willpower had eroded to nothing. I feared leaving the bathroom, because if she tried to do anything I would be powerless to stop her. I knew this, knew that I must resist, because- She's your family! my mind screamed inside. I know, I know! my inside voice replied. I just knew that it was hopeless to pretend that I had the strength of will to resist her. I changed my clothes and walked out. Heather was there, leaning up against the washing machine in the same place I had been. She smiled, "Well, that took forever!" she giggled. I managed a smile, though I was a little surprised to see her still standing there. I thought she might have been waiting for me back upstairs with everyone, where it was safe. "Well, you know," I said, weakly. "Wet bathing suit, you know how it goes." She moved closer. "No," she said, her smile broadening. I could see she was getting ready to tickle me again. "How does it go? Tell me how it goes!" She reached for me and started to tickle my sides, always the first target for attack. I dropped my clothes on the floor and struggled to catch her hands. I grabbed her wrists and twisted her around so that her back was pressed up against my chest and I had her arms crossed in front of her, harmless to attack me. Unfortunately, my rebellious cock found this just as amusing and it started its evil rise. Heather noticed it too and pressed back against me. She smelled of chlorine and slight perspiration, and I found it erotically intoxicating. She turned to look at me, her face mere inches from mine. I felt her body cease its struggling and she turned in my arms to face me. She grabbed my face in her hands and kissed me deeply. Her lips melted against mine, soft and passionate. After kissing women in high school and college whose idea of a romantic kiss was a jackhammer tongue a slobbering mess, Heather's kiss was perfect. Her mouth matched mine, her kisses exactly right. I felt my cock harden against her body and I didn't bother to hide it any longer. She responded by pressing back against me. She cupped the side of my face in her palm and looked at me, a slight red circle forming under her eyes as tears began to form. "Oh Jeremy," she said. "I've loved you forever." I nodded. "I know," I said. Realizing that this was not coming out as I meant it, I quickly followed with, "I've loved you too." She kissed me again, and wrapped her arms around my body and pressed herself into me. It was as if she was trying to connect every part of herself to me, and I matched her the entire way. Her breathing forced her breasts, her hardening nipples, against my bare chest while her pelvis and thighs seemed magnetized to me. "I've wanted to do this for so long," she said. "You have no idea how long!" "Since we took a bath together?" I joked. She laughed, and I felt her body shaking against mine oddly soothing. "Yes," she said, smiling. "Probably since then." "I guess we're now 'kissing cousins,'" I said. She giggled. We kissed again, and I wrapped my arms around her to grab onto her perfect little ass and pull her even tighter against me. She stiffened briefly and then melted. "Heather," I said, pulling away but not letting her go. "I want you. I love you, but we shouldn't be doing this." She nodded. "I know," she said, stroking my face. The look of anguish was almost too much to bear. "I want to be with you, though." I thought of my dream. I thought about how much she meant to me, how I had known all this time that she was the woman I was supposed to be with. "You have no idea," I said, "how much I want that too. I -" A noise outside the laundry room interrupted us. We separated guiltily, and grabbed our clothes. I tried to hold them in such a way that they hid my erection without looking like I was hiding an erection. We opened the door to see one of our aunts approaching. She raised an eyebrow. "What are you two doing down here?" she asked conspiratorially. "Just changing clothes," I said. "Swimming in the pool got us all wrinkly, and we decided to change to get some food." "Ah, I see," my aunt said. I'm not sure she was convinced, but I hoped I played it off smoothly. We went up to the rest of the party and tried the best we can to keep our hands off each other. I could not, however, keep my eyes off her no matter how hard I tried. Subtlety was the game of the day and I was failing miserably. We spent the afternoon talking, laughing, enjoying each others company, but inevitably the time was going to come that the party was going to end. Night fell, and the fireworks came out. Everyone scrambled to get their sparklers, their snaps, and my uncles brought out the more powerful fireworks. During the fireworks all I wanted was for them to last forever so that I could keep just a few more moments with Heather. Every once in a while she stole a glance to me and I could see that she felt exactly the same. When the fireworks went up and everyone's attention was focused on the sky, she reached across to me to touch me - any part of me, my hand, my arm, my shoulder, my fingertips. Each stolen moment was as brief as the first burst of a firework, but just as brilliant to me. My eyes saw the fireworks but all I could think about was the kiss that we had shared. Would this be the last? Could we somehow figure out how to do it again? I needed to kiss her at least one more time before I left in the morning for France. I had to. After the fireworks it was obvious that some of the younger kids needed to get to bed. The conversation turned to sleeping arrangements, and I was stunned to find out that Heather and Charlie would be staying at my grandmother's house, along with my family. My mother came up to us and said, "Jeremy, I wanted to talk to you about the sleeping arrangements." I was dreading this moment, but nodded. "As you know, your grandmother doesn't have a lot of space," she began. "Some people are going to need to share spaces. Would you two mind if you stayed in the basement of Grandma's house?" She went on to tell us that Charlie had thrown a fit about sleeping in a sleeping bag in the basement, and refused to do it. My mother had been dreading talking to me about it because she wanted me to give up my bed for Charlie. I looked at Heather and saw that she was as befuddled as I was about our stupid good fortune. Dumb luck has a whole new meaning, I thought to myself. I looked over at Charlie, who was pouting and trying not to look at me. Without even realizing it, Charlie had just made my life wonderful. I nodded slowly, and tried to keep my voice measured and even. "Well," I began. "I can see how he can cause a scene. That's quite okay. I'll do it." The relief on my mother's face was all the reassurance I needed to know that Heather and I were going to be left alone for the night. I looked at Heather and saw that she was about to burst with joy. My heart lunged for her, even if my body could not. I knew that this might be the only time in our lives where we might be completely alone without family distractions. All we wanted was to have some time where we could spend time without an audience and now it appeared we would get that chance. We returned to my grandmother's house and soon all the arrangements were made. Heather and I had an air mattress brought down to the basement instead of sleeping bags. My grandmother sheepishly apologized for not having two sleeping bags, but would we mind sharing the air mattress instead. You've gotta be kidding me, I thought. Are they really that clueless? Apparently one of the problems with growing up is that your parents and relatives will always see you as you were when you were a child. This principle was in full effect on this night, as they saw us the way they had seen each other years ago when you could put a boy and a girl in the same bathtub without concern. I was staggered that the sexual tension between us couldn't be noticed by everyone within a ten-mile radius. Neither Heather nor I were going to fight this impression at the moment. Never have I been so eager to get to bed. I wanted them to just go away. I flashed back to holding Heather in the pool, and of course the amazing, promising kiss we had shared. The door to the basement was finally closed, a sound that may have otherwise felt like a prison cell but in this case was a sound of freedom. We reached for each other at the same exact time and kissed. At that moment I realized that there was a slight fear that the first time was a fluke, but that was not the case. We absorbed into each other's lips, and held each other tightly. Laying down on the mattress we couldn't keep our hands off each other, couldn't stop kissing each other. I wondered briefly if this was what it was like when people in their 40s or 50s finally saw each other after decades. Ultimately, I didn't care, because each tender kiss came tinged with the knowledge that this was not to be, not to last. "What are we going to do?" she asked me, looking suddenly frightened. I swallowed, not wanting to say what I had to say. "Heather," I said, looking into her eyes. I prayed that she would understand the importance of what I was saying and how truly I meant it. "I want you to know that I love you, and I will always love you. We can't be together, you know this." She nodded, and I saw that she was starting to choke back tears. "I want us to be together, more than I can ever tell you. Some day, you'll be married and have kids and if you think about me I want you to know that I will be loving you at that moment." She couldn't hold back the tears any longer. "I'll never love anyone else!" she cried, and kissed me. I felt the warm salty stickiness of her tears on my cheek as I kissed her, but pulled her away. "Heather," I said gently. "Listen to me." She pressed up against me, and I felt her pelvis and thighs trying to attach themselves to mine, but she listened. "It's okay," I said, soothingly. "I know, and I understand, and it's okay." She choked back a sob. "I want you to know that I will always love you," I said. I remembered the dream, and remembered how I was destined to love someone that I could never have. I realized at this moment the full extent of the dream and everything it meant. "I want to make love to you," she whispering. "I want to have you." I was mildly surprised. A kiss was one thing, a taboo thing. This was... this was wrong. I could see that she meant it though. In her mind there was nothing more right in the world than the two of us making love. At that moment I couldn't come up with a single argument that contradicted her. Even so, I began, "We shou-" She pressed her finger to my lips and then replaced her finger with her kiss. The kiss was desperate, pleading. It was a kiss of persuasion, a kiss of years of waiting. In this kiss I could see that she had been patiently waiting to tell me how she had felt her entire life. It was at that moment that I saw everything from her point of view. Everything came to me clearly now. Heather had held onto childish dreams of being with me, the playtime of playing husband and wife with matchbox cars wasn't just a fantasy, it was a plan of action. She hadn't just been a childhood crush, this was who she had begun to see herself as who she was going to be. She had seen herself as "Heather and Jeremy," and now was crying out to have one night where she could live it, especially as she couldn't have it later. In my head I heard a creaking, cracking noise, a physical sensation that resonated from my chest. My heart broke in two completely separate pieces at that moment, knowing that there would be a woman that I would always love and always want, but would never, ever be able to have. And at this moment she was lying in front of me asking to be made love to. We kissed some more, but I couldn't get past the fact that we were cousins. I couldn't get past the fact that we were related. I couldn't get past... Her hand stroking my cock killed off that thought. I was hard as I had ever been but hadn't noticed until it was made painfully obvious by how well her hand curved around it. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked. I wanted to give her an out, give her every opportunity to avoid an even bigger mistake than just kissing me. She nodded. "What about.... everyone?" I asked. "I don't care," she said. Her voice was firm, determined. There was no qualification in her decision. "Have you done this before?" I asked. She shook her head. "No," she said, suddenly concerned that I wouldn't want her. She didn't let go of my erection, though, but rather gripped it tightly as some sort of show of her intention. She looked into my eyes. "But," she continued, "I want you to be the first. I've always wanted you to be the first. I just never thought that I would be able to have you." I kissed her deeply, and stroked her cheek. I raised her shirt over her head, forcing her to release my cock from her grasp temporarily. Her body lay exposed to me, beautiful in a soft light that came through the basement window. I pulled down her shorts to expose her lightly trimmed hair on top of her delicate pussy. She had shaven just past the bikini line, tracing a small strip of fine reddish brown hair. She was beautiful, her body lay out before me in perfect proportion. The breasts were rising and falling with each breath, moving slightly the way that a just-developed 18-year-old body would. Her taut stomach clenched as I traced my fingers up and down her torso. I felt her tugging at my shorts as well, pulling them down around my ankles far enough for me to kick them off. My hard cock stretched out towards her, throbbing with every heartbeat. I felt her hand snake around it once more, her hands feeling cool against the heat of my hardness. Suddenly I felt extremely vulnerable and exposed. I was showing my hardness to someone in my own family. There was something about the moment that I couldn't put my finger on, something about this that seemed more dangerous than just getting naked with someone new for the first time. She watched me as I looked at her, afraid that I might change my mind. "Please," she said, pulling my dick towards her pussy. "I need to be with you." I smiled and stroked her cheek. "Heather," I said softly. "This will probably be our only night together. I want to remember every moment." She smiled, and we kissed again. My cock lurched in her hand and I felt her squeeze it. I marveled at how well our kissing matched, and wondered if there was something unique to us, or if there was something about us being related that made it so connected. I tried to push the thought out of my head, but I couldn't. I couldn't avoid the realization that my cock was in my cousin's hand, that she was related to me. I couldn't get past the notion that in a few moments, I would be inside her, that my cousin's pussy would be wrapping itself around me and absorbing my come. My cousin... my cousin... The woman in my dream. My cousin. Heather. "Heather," I said. I needed to tell her, needed to say something If I didn't say it now I'd never have the moment again. But how could I tell her that for years I had known that she was the one from the dream? How could I tell her that she would always be? She looked at me expectantly. My mouth opened and closed but there was nothing that would come out, nothing that would work. "I want you to kno that no matter what, what this is, is real. I love you with all my heart, and if things were different, if I could run away with you and forget everyone else, I would." It was all true, but it wasn't what I had wanted to say. Just like the dream had captured and revealed a depth of emotion that paled in comparison to what was available to me while awake, the words that came out were mere shadows of what I wanted to share with her. It was all true, it wasn't perfect, but it was the best that I could do. She kissed me, and pulled my cock towards her pussy again. "I will always love you," she said. "Please, Jeremy, don't make me wait any longer." I rolled on top of her, and guided myself towards her. I felt a little of the hairs on her pelvis tickle my cockhead as I angled into position, and started to feel the weight of what I was about to do. Heather lay beneath my naked body, her legs spread and awaiting her older cousin to slide into her body. I felt her heat and her wetness against my cock and her hands went to my ass. I could see that she was scared, that she was fighting a struggle inside between the fear of pain and the desire to have me inside. I placed the head at her entrance and started to rotate my hips a little. It had the effect of taking the head in and out of her opening, moving forward just a little bit. The tip of my cock dipped in and out of her, teasing both of us. We kissed deeply and I felt her lips start to spread open around the sides of my cockhead. "I'll go slow," I assured her, and she nodded. My cock started to become wet from her body, and started to slide a little better from her lubrication. I could feel, however, that I wasn't going in very far. Heather was tight, much tighter than anyone I had ever felt before, tighter than I ever thought anyone could be. I slowed down and stopped for a moment, taking stock of our situation. "I can't believe this," I said. The enormity of the moment washing over me in a rush. She smiled at me. "Me neither," she said. "I've wanted you for as long as I can remember." She shifted her weight and my cockhead slide inside of her, just beyond the head. Then, something happened that neither one of us expected. I was stuck. I couldn't pull out and I couldn't push forward. I was truly, genuinely stuck. "You are really tight," I said, smiling. She looked worried. "Am I doing something wrong?" she asked. "Oh sweetie," I said, caressing her face and kissing her lips. "You couldn't do something wrong if you tried. I love how you hold onto me, both inside and out." She relaxed a bit, and I started rotating my hips again. The head didn't budge, but I could feel her body responding and she started moving her hips again. I leaned down and started sucking on her breasts and felt her hands move behind my head. "You are so beautiful," I told her. In fact, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, so I told her so. "Please, kiss me," she pleaded. The look on her eyes was telling me everything that I should have already known. She wasn't in this for the sex, and she didn't see this as something that was lustful. This was the only moment in her life when she'd be able to have me for herself, and at that moment I felt ashamed that I had lost sight of the bigger picture. I began kissing her again and felt her hand move between us. She started jacking me off into her pussy, but I knew that she was simply trying to get me to slide deeper inside. The head seemed to shift a little farther inside of her, and she placed her hands on my ass, and suddenly I felt her body open up to me. My cock sank in a little further, and this time I felt the resistance of her hymen. I had felt tight girls before, had had sex with women who had been difficult to penetrate but this was new to me. I stopped and waited for her to adjust, but she had no intention of stopping. Just like when we were in the pool she wrapped her legs around my waist and held on. The act opened her pelvis up and with a violent thrust I was past her hymen and buried inside. I felt her pussy lips around the base of my cock, my balls resting against her ass, and I just stopped what I was doing to feel the sensations. Cousins Long Lost Her hands flew to my face and held on to me, her lips pressed against mine but we weren't kissing. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly, my hand cupping the back of her head and the other gripping her shoulders. Both of our bodies were flexed, every muscle locked and contracted. She squeezed her legs around me and held me so tight I thought she was going to crack several ribs. Somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered that she rode horses. I started to find it difficult to breathe, and tried to manually make my body relax a little. Hopefully she would match my body and loosen her grip as well. She did, and I managed to lean back from her far enough to see all of her face in my vision. That's when the guilt hit. It was unlike anything I could have ever expected, anything that I could have imagined. What am I doing?! my mind screamed at me. My cock was lodged happily inside of her pussy, being squeezed with such force that I couldn't move, loved by a woman who had craved me - and this - for years. I looked between us and saw the flesh of her breasts pressed up against my chest, felt her body underneath and around me. My heart was screaming in my head, telling me not to ruin the moment, ruin this for all time. This was going to be the only time - There never should have been a time! a voice scolded inside my head. My mind was a whirlwind of arguments, of debate. Yes, no, how could you, how could I, what were you thinking, I know what you were thinking, that's not true, I love her, I've always loved her, I will always love her... It was surreal, the sense of awareness, and how sudden it struck me. Here I was, naked, with my rock hard penis buried deep inside of... my cousin. My mother's niece. My aunt's daughter. And yet, her body welcomed me easier than any other woman before or since, fit me more perfectly than anyone ever had or would afterwards. Even at the time, I knew it. I knew she and I were made for each other. And as I felt every curve of her pussy grab me and coax me, I knew it was true in a very real and physical way. My face must have registered my guilt, however, as her eyes began to search mine frantically. "What's wrong?" she asked. There was a noticeable tone of rising panic in her voice. "I wish," I began, but didn't know how to continue. I wished for so many things. She nodded, prodding me to continue. "I wish we had more time," I said, truthfully. "I know this will be our only night together, but I don't want it to be." She kissed me, her features softening. "No matter what," she said, soothing me. "I will always love you." In that moment she was no longer an 18-year-old virgin. She was older, wiser beyond her years. An "old soul." She wrapped her legs tighter against me, drawing me in even further into her body. Naturally, my body responded, and my cock started begging me for release. Unwillingly, as I wanted it to last much much longer, I found myself unable to resist her tight pussy. My hips began to move on their own, as if I had no choice in the matter. In some ways, I didn't, as she started bucking her hips up against mine which moved my cock deeper and tighter inside her pussy. "No," I said. "If you do that..." She got a playful look again. "What," she said, smiling. "If you do that..." I couldn't breathe. She grabbed my ass with both hands and wrapped her legs even tighter in that grip that convinced me she was going to break my ribs. "I'm going to..." Again, I couldn't breathe. Her hands shot to my sides - my ticklish sides - and she grabbed me in her evil tickling ways. I bucked forward and back against her trying to get away from her tickling but only managed to succeed in fucking her past my stopping point. My body writhed and tensed as she tickled me, my cock spraying her insides like a busted hose, my orgasm mixed with the torturous tickling that she was giving me past the point of hypersensitivity. I lay on top of her, spent, and became concerned that I was too heavy for her. She hadn't moved, her arms and legs wrapped around me in a tight embrace and not letting me go. I kissed her again, and brushed her hair away from her eyes. She smiled at me, and I thought I could hear my heart break in two. As we lay like that, I could feel my cock soften a little, but her warmth and wetness prevented me from growing completely limp. She squeezed me from time to time, her ass muscles clenching underneath me. We whispered together, telling each other all the things that we already knew, all the things that were obvious about our situation. "I can't believe we are doing this," she said. I smiled. "Me neither," I whispered back. She was stroking my back with her fingertips, light brushes that walked the fine line between tickling and being sensual. At the moments they started to tickle I reflexively arched my back which had the consequence of pushing my cock inside farther. Soon I was fully hard again. "Aren't you tired?" she gasped. I shook my head. "I want to make love to you again," I said. "Yes, please!" This time I moved inside her body with more rhythm and less chaos. The emotional and physical sensations weren't nearly as overwhelming, I pushed aside the maelstrom of guilt, determined to deal with that later, and focus on capturing the moment in my mental recorder. If this was going to be our moment, the one moment in our entire lives, I was sure as hell going to make every second count. Her little sexy body came up to meet me as I thrust, the two of us in perfect symmetry. She rocked her hips up to meet my thrusts, her body oscillating in a sexual cadence against my body and around my cock. Her hands clutched at my back and shoulders as I hit spots inside her body she didn't know existed up until that point, and she made little whimpering noises next to my ear. She grabbed my ass with her hands, holding me deep inside of her. I felt her pussy grip the base of my cock like a suckling mouth, grabbing and pulling and sucking me for all she was worth. I don't know if she even knew she was doing it, whether it was on purpose or not. I knew she was close, knew she was going to have an orgasm soon. I worried about how much noise she could make, worried that her tightness would work its magic on me before my cock could work its on her. She latched her mouth onto mine and breathed heavily through her nose. Her whimpering resonated in my ear and turned me on past the tipping point. My cock started lurching inside her as my come raced forward from my body into hers. She stopped breathing the moment she felt my hot liquid enter her body. Her eyes flew open and all I could see was the wild whites in the throes of her first orgasm through intercourse. Leaning her head back a little, she looked like she was gasping for air but wasn't breathing. She was trying to keep her scream from leaving her throat, but the tension was prolonging her climax at the same time. I held onto her shoulders and kept her as close as I could. When she started coming down from her orgasm her body shuddered and sputtered underneath me. Her breathing came back in a rush, as if she were a woman who nearly drowned and now found the surface of air. She looked at me now, her features soft and flush, tears streaming down her eyes. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you so much." She grabbed me and held onto me with as much strength as she had left. I don't remember whether or not we actually fell asleep that night, I seem to recall we lay next to each other just touching each other's bodies. In the morning just before sunrise completely entered through the basement window, I entered her again and tried to memorize every part of her body from the inside out. Before the rest of the house awoke, we said our goodbyes in the last moments that we had where we could be our true selves, expressing our true feelings. We both knew that we only had a few moments left before this night would be a mere memory, and we would necessarily have to pretend it never happened. All too quickly, we heard movement upstairs, the floorboards above creaking with the purposeful morning routines of our family. I looked at her. "Don't ever forget how much I love you," I said. "How could I?" she said, smiling. She rubbed the spot of her belly just below her navel to emphasize the point. "I'll never forget how this feels, Jeremy." We kissed deep and hard, We held onto each other and I felt her naked body responding to my touch the same way mine was to hers. But we couldn't do anything now. The night was over. More noises from upstairs forced us to separate. Both of us dressed into our shorts and t-shirts and started gathering our things for the day, and not a moment too soon. The basement door swung wide open and my grandmother came down the stairs to get something out of the laundry room. The entire morning I felt wracked with guilt. I stole glances at her and tried to catch her eye to let her know that even though I couldn't touch her, I wanted to. I wanted to pull her aside and talk to her, know what she was thinking and feeling. There were too many people in the house, though, and she played her part well. In a way that only I would know, i could see her sending me little signals to tell me that her mind was somewhere else, somewhere completely more intimate with me. It came time for me to leave for the airport, and my parents started shuffling me towards the car. I said my goodbyes to my aunts and uncles, and gave Heather an embrace that I hoped was no longer than any of the others I gave for my family, something that wouldn't gather attention, but definitely much tighter than necessary between cousins. We never saw each other again after that moment. Heather and I never lived anywhere close to the same side of the country, but as it stood she got married less than a couple years later. When I heard the news I was shocked and disappointed, and allowed myself that luxury of emotion despite it being pointless. She and I exchanged letters afterwards for a little while, but neither one of us were very good about that and soon we drifted apart. I never met someone who came close to being my "dream woman," and no one that matched me sexually either. Growing up, Heather and I did have a "special" bond, one that I could never recreate nor explain with anyone else. I had been right all along, right about how it could only be that one night, right about it hurting to lose her, right about living my life in the knowledge that she was the woman in that dream. As time went on, news about Heather was few and far between. In fact, aside from the fact that Heather had two beautiful daughters I didn't know much about her any longer. Now I wondered just what, if anything, Heather had ever mentioned about me in the years since, and I wondered how she felt about me, if she came to resent what we did or embraced it as lovingly as I did. A knock on the bathroom door brought me back to reality. "Is anyone in there?" a voice came through the door. "Yes," I called. "I'll be right out!" I stood up and turned on the water to wash my hands and splash some cool water onto my face, only to find out I was shaking. I looked up at the mirror and saw that there were tears streaking down my cheeks that I hadn't even noticed. Washing my hands and face I allowed myself the indulgence of wondering "what if," one more time. It was a struggle to push the thought out of my head and return to the reunion with a poker face. I opened the door and a flash of a child blitzed past me. I guess I had been holding him up a little longer than was comfortable. I stopped at the head of the stairs, took a deep breath, and hoped that I had washed away any visible clues from my face about who I was thinking about. I replayed the exchange with my aunt and realized that in a round-about way, Aunt Sarah had told me that Heather still loved me and maybe, just maybe, she cherished that moment as much as I did.