15 comments/ 80016 views/ 47 favorites Playing Matchmaker By: Bob_Shortbread 1 "I have to talk to you - urgent." was all the message had said. It wasn't like James to be dramatic; he was probably the most laid back and level headed friend I had. The guy didn't even sweat on the basketball court. But I texted him to come on over, and fifteen minutes later he was banging on my apartment door. When I let him in he was clearly on edge. "Don, thanks." "No problem man. You all right?" James was already pacing back and forth in my living room and didn't even seem to hear me. The crack of a beer can opening brought him back to his senses. I handed him the drink and waved him over to a chair. "Oh boy. Don. I have no idea what to do." "Are you in trouble?" "Well, sort of." "Is it money?" "No, no." "The law?" "What? No, nothing like that." I lowered my voice. "A girl?" "Uhhhhhh...mmmm." "You got lady troubles. Okay. Hit me with it. There's nothing I haven't heard." "No, I don't think you've heard this." "I didn't think you were seeing anybody." "I'm not! I'm definitely not. It's... and this is absolutely between us. Goes no further." "C'mon dude. That goes without saying." "All right." James let out a big breath. "It's about my mom." "...your mom? What about her?" "This is going to sound crazy. It sounds crazy just to hear myself say it. But my mom..." "Jill, right?" "Yes, Jill. My mom, she's..." "She's..." "She's hitting on me man." "Hitting? She's beating you?" "No! She is hitting. on. me. Being flirty. Making little passes. She's sending signals!" For a few seconds, neither of us spoke. Then I burst out laughing. "Oh... dude!" "It's not funny." "Dude! This is your imagination. This is not actually happening." "Yes it is." "James. We're 19. We're in the same college classes. We're surrounded by pussy. It's all we think about, talk about, care about. We've got pussy on the brain. So you go home after getting drunk on the perfume in those classrooms, and suddenly your mom is making eyes at you. It's all in your head." "Believe me, I tried to convince myself of that at first. But this has been going on for a month." "So what has she done." "If I told you her tongue was in my mouth today, would that change your mind?" My own beer stopped halfway to my lips. I sat up straight in my chair. "Jill's... your mom's... you frenched your mom?" "Her tongue, I said. Not mine." James actually smiled now that he had gotten through to me. "You want me to start from the beginning?" My mouth was still slightly open, but I motioned in the affirmative. "You know my mom's been single for a while now." I shook my head. "Well she has. Since my dad passed. Let's see, it's been almost five years. She'd always been the typical army wife. You'd know about that if you'd grown up on base. Assertive. Strict. Not shy about sharing her opinion. There was a lot of love in our house, but also a lot of discipline. Mom always knew exactly what she wanted, and she always got exactly what she wanted." "Sounds like a bummer." "Yeah but it really wasn't. She's fun to be around. And she had endless friends. My mom's the life of every party. Her laughter fills a room. There were a lot of guys trying to date her after we lost dad, and I think she did date a little. But none of them lasted. None of them were good enough." "Mm hmm." (The time seemed right for doobage, and I located one in my inside pocket. Now I looked for the lighter.) "I thought she was happy being single. But... mom has been spending more and more time with me, and she's dropping hints, unless I'm imagining things, hints that she's looking for an even closer relationship. She tells me how handsome I am, that I'm a real hunk. She's more touchy feely. When we watch movies or TV on the couch, there's been lots of cuddling - stroking my hair, things like that. I think she sees me as a younger version of dad. And I think she's sending out signals that she wants me to take dad's place for real, and be the man in her life." "What kind of signals?" "She's wearing less around the house. Shorts. Tee shirts. Sometimes no bra. And robes. Robes that could slip open and show a little more than I should have seen." "Uh huh." "She's been giving me these hugs, wearing only a robe, every day before I leave for school. And the hugs have been lingering longer and longer. Oh, and once when I walked in the bathroom for a shower she was just stepping out of one. Didn't lock the door. Just smiled at me before she covered up. I could swear she wanted me to catch her naked." Mentally I was trying to picture this but was having difficulty. I had been over to James' house plenty of times and had met his mother Jill. She seemed like a typical mom in her 40s. She was taller than most, slim and fit, wore glasses. I had never, you know, evaluated her. "All this time," James continued, "I thought mom might be going through some kind of phase, and that it may not have anything specifically to do with me. Maybe she was lonely. Maybe she was horny. The idea that she was into me didn't make any sense. Then, about a week ago, I tried to peel back from one of her morning hugs. She got petulant about it. She told me maybe what I needed wasn't a goodbye hug, maybe I needed a goodbye kiss. And she pulled me in and planted one on my lips." "Interesting." "And for the last week, that's been the new normal. First there's this full-body hug that goes on and on - then a kiss on the lips." "Until today." "Yeah." James grew quieter. "This morning she seemed a little more emotional. When I was putting on my jacket to leave, her eyes were red, like maybe she'd been crying. Then, when we hugged, she spoke to me, and she was very direct. 'Jim' she said, 'I'm not much good at this, and I don't want to pressure you to do anything you don't want to do. But you need to know - that I love you. I love you more than you know.' And before I could react to that, she took my face in her hands, and very tenderly brought my face to hers. She gave me... well like I said, she sort of nibbled my lips until I opened them and then she slipped in her tongue. Just for a few seconds. Then it was over. I stood there absolutely stunned and she very quickly left the room." "Unbelievable." I sat back in my seat. "You're right. I was wrong." "So you understand why I came over here. All day in school I couldn't concentrate. Now I can't go home and face her until I've thought about how to handle this. I don't know what's wrong with her. Does she need therapy? Do I need to move out? Because this can't continue. How do I tell her that this behavior is completely inappropriate and that more kisses are out of the question? What do I do?" "The first thing to do is to relax and take a hit or two off of this." I passed the joint which James eagerly accepted, and which gave me a few moments to consider my answer. You see, towards the end of James' story, I kind of got an idea. Sort of an evil idea. James was expecting one kind of answer; but why not steer him in a different direction? Why not explore some alternative possibilities? "What do you do?" I chose my words carefully. "What you need to do, is you need to decide what you want." "What do you mean decide what I want?" "I mean your mom has opened a door. You need to decide what you want. Are you interested or not." "Are you out of your mind? Of course I'm not interested. She's my mother!" "Well, all I can say is, it does happen." "What does happen?" "You know. Guys and their moms. I'm not passing judgment, I'm just saying, it does happen." "To who?" "Well, I'm not going to name names, but I personally have known two guys that it happened to." (This was a lie - but I wanted to see the reaction.) 'What? ... No way." "I don't think this is quite as rare as you're thinking it is. It's never discussed - after all, it is the ultimate taboo. But a lot of guys, the first real crush they get is on their mom. And a man's sexual prime is about 18 years old. A woman's is around 40. The ages can line up perfectly. Your mother births you, feeds you, raises you, teaches you how to be a man, and then can provide one last maternal service - teaching you how to be a good, giving sexual partner." As James listened, mouth agape, I wrapped up my little improvised bullshit lecture. "So as I said, it does happen." "And you know two guys it happened to." "Sure. One was really into his mom. He made all the moves. She was against it 100%. But then, after a night when they both had too much to drink, they ended up making out. He got to second base. They never discussed it again. With the other guy, the feelings were mutual, and the romance lasted a full summer." "For real?" "Yeah. After the summer, both of them realized it was time for him to move on to girls his own age, but the experience gave him confidence and skills that have served him well ever since. And his relationship with his mother stayed very close." James chewed on that for a while. But then he seemed to realize how insane I was sounding and went back to his original line. "Okay but what do I do? I'm not like those... those other guys. I have no interest, zero, in... 'dating' my mother." "Hate to disagree with you James, but I don't think that's really true." "Oh? Now you're going to tell me what I think? I have zero interest. ZERO." I risked a laugh. "My man. If you had ZERO interest, you wouldn't be here in my apartment. You would have told your mom in plain language, in no uncertain terms, this morning, that - how did you put it? - it was highly inappropriate and out of the question? What, you need me to tell you how to say no to her? You say no, that's how you do it. But, you didn't say no when you obviously could have. You came here. You're here for a reason, and it's not the reason you think. You're here because you're conflicted. You want ME to get disgusted and enraged at what your mom did, so that you have confirmation that telling her no is the right call. You want ME to tell you to set her up with a shrink and move out." While I said this James was still as a statue. I pressed my luck; "But I'm sorry Jim-boy, that isn't my reaction. I'm sorry I have to deepen your confliction, and it IS confliction, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't. It does happen, and I don't personally have any moral hang-ups about it. And so I'm back to my original answer. What do you do? You think about what you want. You decide if this door your mom has opened is one you want to walk through. That's a hard call to make, but you have to make it yourself. If you figure out that the answer is no, I hope that you treat her with kindness and respect when you tell her. And if the answer is yes, I hope you treat her just as you would any other woman that you were courting - with respect and with plenty of affection." I took back the joint and settled back to take a well deserved toke. James was actually trembling, and then he slumped forward with his face in his hands. "Oh Jesus." he said. "I have to... I have to decide what I want." "That's right." "But Don. I wasn't kidding. I really do have zero interest. She's my mom. I don't look at her that way or think about her that way." "That's why you have zero interest. You've done what society expects of you and you've never had these impure thoughts. Now you can permit yourself to have them. Just try them out. Give her a new look. What is it about women that attracts you the most? The shape of the leg, the curve of the breast? The smile? Then take a real look at your mom, and see if she has those qualities. I mean my God, she's inviting you to make these judgments. According to your story, she's showing you a lot of skin, hoping to find out what arouses you." "You... you're right." "I'll just say this and then I'll leave it at that. Most of the time when 'this' happens, it's the guys who want it. It's the guys who have to move heaven and earth to make it happen. I've never heard of the mother making the first move, getting the wheels turning. A lot of guys would consider you extremely lucky to be in this predicament. I can't tell you what choice you should make, but I can say that very few guys are lucky enough to even have that choice. I'd be very sure before I threw away the opportunity. And that's all I'll say." "Jesus Christ." (James didn't have a deep well of obscenities and he was already repeating himself.) "Jesus Don. You know this did not go the way I expected. I came in here to get advice about how to get my mom mental help, and now I'm leaving with a plan to open my mind about incest." "I think you just got smart my friend. Let me know how it goes." James walked out in a daze and I shut the door slowly behind him. Well that was that. Who knew I could improvise so much BS, so quickly? The strange seed was planted; now I just had to wait to see what sprouted. I truly had no idea why Jill Alcott would be in love with James, but now I was curious. Could I get James together, I mean really together with his mom? A smile spread across my face. It was more than a little sick, and it would be a tricky task, but I was up for the challenge. 2 I didn't talk to James for the next week. He'd split right after class, and it was radio silence on the phone. I knew that it was important not to seem pushy, but finally I couldn't take the waiting anymore. "Earth to Jim," I finally texted. "Everything OK? Where you been?" "I'm at home. Not really a good time." came the reply. So I was prepared to give him some more space, but he replied again shortly thereafter: "Can you come over here? Just for 30 mins." "No prob." James and his mom lived not too far from me in a fairly simple 2-bedroom ranch-style home. Jill kept the place looking nice though, with a trimmed lawn and some good rose bushes. You can take the woman out of the army base, etc. etc. I entered through the kitchen door, and found James slouched at the breakfast table. If possible, he looked even more edgy than when I'd seen him the week before. "You just missed her," was his greeting. "We gotta talk quickly cause she's coming back." "What is she, your mom or the warden?" "I don't know what she is anymore. You and your damned advice." "All right, all right, chill out. You know I'm on your side. So what's been going on?" "Okay. Here's the deal. I took what you said seriously, and I realized I at least owed my mom a fair and honest consideration about, you know, what we talked about. About the door that she opened. So I've been trying, Don. I've been trying to look at her in a new way. Is she - pretty? Well of course she is. But pretty how?" I nodded in agreement as he started to really open up. "It's the difficulty of wrapping my mind around the idea that has me tied up in knots. I mean, it's mom for Gods sakes. A month ago this would have been the furthest thing from reality. If you had told me a month ago that today I would be checking out my mom, weighing the pros and cons of... romance with her, I would have laughed in your face. But now here I am, scoping out her body, trying to imagine what I'd do with it in the bedroom. It's unbelievable. I actually, for real, I actually was studying her ass yesterday as she did chores right here in this room. And I couldn't deny it - she has a nice ass. But as soon as I think anything like that I snap out of it, and remember who it is, and then I'm ashamed of myself. Now mom continues to drop the not-so-subtle hints around the home that she is open to a new relationship. She may have been emotional and meek last week, but now the supermom is back. She is upbeat and chipper and she's gotten very assertive about her hugs and kisses. She's also finding other times to get touchy-feely with me. There's no doubt in my mind she's giving me a clear signal of what she wants, but at the same time leaving me room to say no without embarrassment. I think like always mom knows what she wants but that this time what she wants happens to be me. I keep trying to cross the mental hurdle. But it's not easy. I'm looking at her top to bottom and trying to decide if I think she's a woman I could desire, but the guilt of who I'm looking at keeps popping up to stop me before things get too far in my mind. Clearly, by objective standards she is sexy, and if she wasn't my mother, it would probably be a no brainer. But she is. And becoming a motherfucker is something I don't know if I can deal with." "Okay." I replied. "Well. There's a lot to digest in what you just said. First of all, I have to say: congratulations. You've made enormous progress on this since we talked last week. I mean, you've actually taught yourself to think differently, which very few people can do. And you've opened your mind to something entirely new. Of course it wasn't going to be easy, but that mental hurdle you talked about - in the most important sense you've already cleared it. Second - the word motherfucker. That's just offensive and it doesn't apply to the kind of hookups and relationships I was discussing with you the other day. And of course it absolutely wouldn't apply to you. Your mom is not some piece of meat, she's a woman, a woman with needs. And she's entitled to all the respect and chivalry you'd give any other girl. Third - and my advice to you - keep working at it. You've already admitted she's sexy. To me that settles the question of whether or not you could desire her. Clearly you could. Now it's just a question of wanting to. What you need to do now is just try incorporating your mom into your fantasy life. Just a little at a time. Just try it out. If it gets too freaky, back it off, and try it again the next day. I think you'll be surprised at how if you give it a chance, the weirdness of it starts to go away." "And you think it can get to the point where it wouldn't be weird?" "I think there's no getting around the weird factor the first time you rub one out with your mom's face clearly in the picture. And there's no getting around the weird factor the first time it happens for real. But I've been doing some reading on the internet." "Oh great." "No, don't dismiss it. These are real people in real situations. Once that initial weirdness is past, the guys and the moms both say it's the most intense, intimate and pleasurable sexual experience they've ever had." "Where did you read that?" "Where? In the Sears catalogue. Where do you think I read it? On websites devoted to this stuff. Consensual relationships with family members." "Incest." "It's not just one or two people, James. It's thousands. And there are communities on the internet where these people can speak freely without the need to hide their lifestyle." "I don't want a lifestyle. I just want to be normal." "That's what I'm trying to tell you. This is normal. It's normal for thousands of people. Mothers who say it's the best decision they ever made. Sons who are so happy they want to boast about their conquest..." At that moment, we both heard car wheels on the gravel driveway. James turned around and poked his head toward the window. "Shit. She's here." "You want me to..." "Yeah you'd better split." There was no avoiding Jill though, since my bike was parked right there and she couldn't have missed it. I stepped outside right as James' mom locked her Jetta. "Hi Mrs. Alcott." "Hi! Er..." "It's Don." "Right, Don. I didn't know James was expecting company." "No, I was just in the neighborhood and stopped by." The daylight was fading fast, but there was still enough of it to get a good look at Jill Alcott. She was easily 5'10", maybe 5'11". That must be where James got his height. Slim but not skinny, short hair - downright tomboyish really. Tee shirt - no bra - (at least that detail from James' story could be confirmed). Breasts not really big anyway. Shorts. The legs: not really curvy or shapely, but white and boy did they look smooth. And yes, the glasses - frames were way too big for her in my opinion. All in all, and this was the first time I had ever really checked out a buddy's mom: she wasn't bad looking. Playing Matchmaker "James should have friends over more often. Guy friends of course. Well as long as you're here, why don't you come back inside and I'll heat something up for all of us." "I'd love to Mrs. Alcott, but I already have plans." (guy friends only?) "Please! It's Jill. You all aren't kids anymore." "Thanks Jill. Maybe another night?" "Just let me know when." Driving away, I felt the situation was considerably clarified. Jill was clearly hot enough so that that aspect of it shouldn't be the barrier. The barrier was in James' head. For my plan to get James into his mother's bed to succeed, my job would have to be to loosen his inhibitions a whole lot more. Fortunately for me, I had a certain expertise with a great inhibition loosener called beer. I wouldn't get my chance though for another week. I knew it was important to give James time, but I also felt it was important he get nudged on a regular schedule into taking the next step. The next Friday night, I got him back over to my place by telling him a friend had sold me a case of MGD and I had no one to share it with. We didn't talk "business" for the first few hours, I focused on getting James comfortable and improving his mood, which as usual was nervous and distracted. Eventually, we got bored of the Xbox and we went outside to my balcony to tackle the second half of the beer case. "So," I started. "How's it going at home? You've been pretty quiet about that. Should I be... congratulating you yet?" "You are just endlessly curious about me and mom, aren't you?" "I won't deny I'm a little jealous of your good fortune." I raised my bottle in toast. "And I'll admit I enjoy living vicariously through your stories. Mostly though I'm just looking out for you." "Thanks man." James clinked my bottle. "You've been the best advisor I could have wanted in this situation." "So what can you tell me?" "Nothing really happened this week - except, except in my head." "What happened in your head?" "Well it's like you said. If I keep forcing myself to consider my mom in that, you know, that way - eventually it starts becoming natural." "I told you." "And that's what happened. She's still mom. But now, when I look at her, I see her body," "Yep." "I imagine what's under her clothes," "Uh huh." "And I think about what I would do with that body. At first it was a struggle to look at her that way. Now it's like I can't help doing it even if I didn't want to." "Exactly." "And it goes without saying..." "Yeah?" James shifted around in his chair. "You know." "What?" "Well it's not easy to say. But, uh, let's just say mom is now making regular appearances in my head during those... special alone times." "Jesus dude, you don't have to speak in code. Just say what you mean." "You know what I mean." "Well why can't you say it. Be proud of it. You jerk off to your mom." "All right! Keep your voice down! We're outside." "No one can hear us. And anyone in this apartment complex probably jerks off to their own mothers anyway, so who are they to judge?" "All right, shhhh. Yes, whatever. I jerk off to my mom." "And it isn't weird?" "Yeah it was the first time. Then I don't know, I just got past that. Now it's just freaky and exciting. Intellectually it still basically freaks me out, but when I'm alone in my bed at night, I can just push all those rational thoughts aside and just enjoy it." "I keep saying this, but, I told you!" "Yeah yeah. So keep in mind, all this time, mom hasn't stopped giving me signals. And yesterday, she did something kind of bold." "What did she do?" "She asked me out on a date. Jill, - uh, mom, is taking me to a movie and dinner tomorrow. She says I've been moping around in my room too much and we need to get out of the house. In and of itself this would be a little unusual since before my dad passed the two of us would never have had an evening out like this. And then today she texted me to tell me to make sure I wear something nice for our date. Notice that she never gave me a choice in the matter, she just told me we were going out. The movie by the way is a romantic comedy - I never got a choice in that either. So now it's really decision time. I can make an excuse and bail out of this - and I think that would really send her the message that I don't want her. Or we could have our date, which could be a "date" date", or just a fun outing." "Wow." I smiled, "I thought your mom was pretty smart before, and now I'm certain of it. Look, this is definitely a "date" date. The fact that she told you a day in advance to dress nice for it and made the point of calling it a date removes any doubt there. But, to her credit, she is still giving you a way out. Yes, you could call it off. She can still pass it off as a regular movie night out with her son if she senses the mood is wrong. Jill is definitely moving things along here. First came the hints, now she's going to lead you by the hand. The only question is what you want to do about it. If I was a betting man though, I'd say your mom's going to get her way. Make sure you compliment her and buy the popcorn." "Yeah, well I haven't decided if I'm going to go." "What? You can't be serious! Of course you're going to go! "This is a big step, Don. Fantasy is one thing, but I don't know if I'm ready for this." "Do you realize how many guys would kill to be in your position? Your mom, your - pardon my saying - your hot mom, who's totally into you, is taking you out on a date and you haven't decided if you want to go??" "It's not that easy!" James knocked back the rest of his MGD and then threw the bottle. "She's not your mom, she's mine." "But this date will be like a guaranteed home run! The odds are 100% that you'll score!" "Oh God. I can't deal with it." "Of course you can. Just be a man." "No." "James, you're thinking about this the wrong way. I mean look, if this relationship with you and your mom has any chance of actually happening, then you need to know the real woman, and not just the mom you've always known. So a date might actually be just the right thing. It'll give you a chance to see her in a whole new light and overcome some of your fears." "Shit." James was looking at his watch. "It's 11:50. Mom says she wants me home before midnight every night." "Dude. Not that it's my business, but a woman who asks you out on dates can't also be the one giving you a curfew." "Oh now we've found something that's not your business?" James got up and grabbed his sweatshirt. I got the definite sense that maybe I had pushed him a little too hard. "Bud, just think about what I said, okay? You'll make the decision that's best for you and best for Jill." "Whatever man. Thanks for the beers." And that was that. I had done my best, and lord knows Jill Alcott was doing hers too. All I could do now was wait. 3 The next thing that happened was a series of text messages. I'll report them as I got them, word for word. The first one came at about three o'clock that morning: "Fine. I'm going on the date." The text woke me up and I tried to reply back with a cheering happy face emoticon, but groggy as I was I probably blew him a kiss by accident. That was it until 4:15 PM. I was in class, not one with James, when I got two vibrates from the Samsung: "You better be around. I'm going to need a pep talk." I wrote back: "I'm your wingman in spirit dude. You're gonna do great." But I didn't get a call. 7:00 PM rolled around, and I knew that if the date hadn't started yet, then it was imminent. I had just walked through my front door when the next text arrived: "She's primping in the bathroom. I'm so goddamn nervous." Me: "Easy. Deep breaths. Compliment her. Tonight is about having fun. Repeat: FUN." Him: "I know I know. I just can't believe it. I'm going on a date with my mom." Me: "Yeah, there's a word for that. Lucky SOB." Me again: "Well you know, not literally." Him: "OK. Putting the phone away. Stay up. I'll call you later." I figured at that point that the earlier I got that call, the worse the date would have gone. If I figured it right: two hours for the movie, another hour and a half for dinner, 30 minutes for walking and driving. That would have them home around eleven. So I figured the time of the call would tell the tale. It would break down as follows: Call before 11 - the date had crashed and burned Call between 11 and 12 - date went ok, but none or minimal fooling around back at the house Call after 12 - date went great, James had gotten some nooky I spent the evening web-surfing and watching TV, but I couldn't really concentrate. I was too excited. My little plan was on the verge of succeeding. I was actually on the cusp on hooking up my friend with his own mom! It all depended on James having some guts, and allowing nature to take its course. Fortunately eight o'clock and nine o'clock rolled by with no call. Then it was ten. Then it was eleven. "Truth time." I thought. Then it was twelve. "Way to go Jimmy boy!" I gave a little fist pump to the empty room. Then it was 12:30. Then 1:00 AM. At 1:06 the phone hummed in my pocket. "Dominos Pizza." I answered. "Can I take your order?" "Hey." James said. "What's up man." There was obvious fatigue in his voice. "Not much my friend. I knew you were going to call, but I didn't think it would be so late." "Yeah, uh, sorry about the hour. Mom's asleep. I'm outside taking a walk." "So tell me what happened? The last time I heard from you you were having a serious case of the butterflies. I hope you were able to get past that." "Okay. Well, that was without a doubt the strangest "date" I've ever had. Here's what happened. I'll try not to leave anything out. First of all, I went totally casual. Jeans and just a simple button down shirt. But when mom came out of her bedroom I was in for a surprise. Mom went all out. She was stunning. Got her hair did. Wore makeup for the first time I can remember. And a tight black dress that looked like she was going dancing. It may have been new. I told her that she looked extremely good, and she thanked me and asked me if I was ready for our date. I said I was, and then she took me by the hand as we walked to her car. Dinner was first. She picked a restaurant called Kona. Kind of pricey but she ended up paying for it, even though I offered. On the drive there we mostly talked about how I was doing in school. The only thing I'll mention about the ride there was that her dress rode up giving me a lot of thigh to look at. Intentional? Who knows. Once we were at Kona, we walked inside arm in arm. The reservation was in her name, and mom requested a booth. It was one of those curved ones and mom didn't lose any time sitting right next to me. Part of me was completed relaxed, since after all I'd been out to eat with my mom hundreds of times. But then there was another part of me that felt like she was the predator and I was the prey. The conversation moved more to our situation - that she was proud of me for keeping us together and so close since we lost Dad. She said that she was ready to move on and not be such a recluse. I told her that she used to be the alpha mom, and that she'd be happier when she was back to a full social calendar in her free time. She said she knew that was true. That's when I got direct. I knew we would have to talk about her love life. I said something along the lines of: 'Mom, in order to be happy, you're going to need to find a new man.' 'Oh I'm already working on that.' she replied. I took a big swallow of Sprite. 'Yeah? Great. Do you, um, have someone in mind?' 'Oh yes. I've picked a guy already. He's not sure yet if he wants to be with me. But my mind's made up. The poor guy doesn't know what's coming to him.' 'That's the truth! I'd hate to be anyone who tries to get in your way when your mind's made up.' 'Exactly. When I set my mind to something I always get my way. Know what you're having for dinner?' That's about as far as we got on that subject. I won't bore you with all the details of the meal, except just one. After our plates had been cleared, three ladies who I didn't know were entering the restaurant and they walked by our table. They recognized mom and stopped to chat. Turned out they were army wives too. They asked mom how she was getting along and mentioned how their husbands all missed my dad. Finally, one of said 'So Jill, aren't you going to introduce your friend?' My mom turned to me and said 'Gosh where are my manners? Ladies this is Jim. He's a student at the college.' Not "my son Jim". Just Jim. Just a local college student. 'Nice to meet you Jim' I shook a round of hands. Then one of them quipped: 'My my Jill, he is a handsome thing.' 'Now come on', mom smiled back. 'Don't embarrass me Gina.' 'Oh I'll embarrass you all I want. Jim, you may not know this, but you hit the jackpot with Jill here.' I tried to speak 'I...' 'Of course you must have some decent qualities yourself if Jill let you take her out. You two have fun tonight. But not too much fun...' 'Goodnight ladies!' - my mom shooed them away, still giggling. 'Mom!' I whispered as they moved out of earshot. 'You're just going to let them think I'm some guy you picked up at the college?' 'Oh who cares if we want to mess with their heads a little! Besides, you are my date for the night, so you may as well act the part. You could try being a gentleman. And a little romantic.' As we left the restaurant, my confidence was once again shaken. The conflict came back into my brain. On the one hand it was mom. It was definitely mom. But on the other hand, I had my eyes on her ass as I followed her out the door. Once again I was checking her out. And worst of all, Jim Jr. decided to make an appearance, his first of the night, and threatened to tent out my jeans. I got in the car just in time so mom wouldn't notice. I wasn't in much of a talking mood on the way to the movie theater, even though mom kept up the chatter, and encouraged me to lighten up and not spoil the mood. I remembered your advice about buying the popcorn. In the end she didn't want any. But she told me I was sweet for offering. The movie was two hours of a boring rom-com with Sandra Bullock, where my mother snuggled up against me any spent the whole time with her arm around me. It didn't feel like motherly affection. At the point in the movie where Sandra finally kisses the guy, mom made her move. With one arm still holding me close, she reached over with her outside hand and began stroking my thigh. She kept it up, gradually moving to my inner thigh, and then once or twice brushing the back of her fingers against my package, which as you might imagine was at full attention. There was no confusion about intention here. No subtlety. My mom had told me in the restaurant that she had picked a new guy and that her mind was made up about it. And my mom's mind is not easily changed once made up. And now here we were just two hours later and she was expertly letting me know exactly who that guy was. As far as I was concerned the movie was a mile away. Mom - my own mom - Jill the soccer mom, army wife extraordinaire had decided that dad's replacement was me. She was claiming me, making her intention clear. Whatever hang-ups I have about incest, it was totally clear that she did not have them. I have no idea what kind of libido my mom has, I'd never even thought about it - but there in the movie theater, with mom making a pass at me and attempting to cop a feel - I suddenly got the impression that it would be raging and insatiable. My own mom. I couldn't deal with it. My cock, unfortunately, was fully on board for this new adventure, and mom could see it. She smiled and said 'Don't you just love happy endings?' I couldn't even speak if I knew what to say. I did nothing to remove my mom's exploring hand. You need to understand Don, you might think this is great news, but my mind was reeling. The part of me that's not thinking straight was saying go for it, but the part that was still logical was screaming for me to fight back as hard as I could. The final shock and embarrassment was waiting for me in the lobby. Two of my friends - you may know them - Alex Meyer and Ben whats-his-face - they bumped into us as we walked out. They were with dates. Now, me and mom holding hands like we were and coming out of the romantic picture, it's not like there was even a chance I could tell the truth. We laughed about how unrealistic the plot was, although anyone looking closely would have noticed I was too shell shocked to really see the ha-ha in it. Then we made the introductions. I have no recollection what the girls' names were. But I remember what I said. 'Alex, Ben. This is... Jill. My friend. She's a, uh, telemarketer.' Mom made up for my missing enthusiasm. 'Hey guys! The pleasure's all mine.' 'Likewise. Likewise.' said Alex. "James, isn't your mother a telemarketer?' 'Well, um.' 'That's kind of how we met.' said mom. 'Ohhhh. Gotcha.' As the ladies walked on Alex pulled me aside. 'Dude! Way to go!' I started to stammer something but the words wouldn't come. Alex continued: 'The most Ben and I could hope for is to take out some juniors. You've got game, son! That is one fine piece of ass. I will definitely spread the good word!' 'No no!' I interjected. 'That really isn't necessary.' 'Don't be so modest! You're going to be a hero on campus. But I won't keep you. Based on how Jill was looking at you I don't think you'll have any problems closing the deal tonight. Good luck man.' If it was possible for the knot in my stomach to get any tighter, it did. My classmate had called my mom a fine piece - right in front of me - then said he thought I'd have no trouble getting busy with her. Busy with my own mother. My god. First my mom's friends and now my own were saying they were envious. My mom was planning to take me home and take me to bed, and my own friends were congratulating me. How could I tell them the truth? What would they say if they knew?" "Well obviously, you don't tell them" I offered. "To them, she's just Jill. Remember that." "I know, I know." "So then what happened." "So we drove home. Mostly in silence. I knew there was no more delaying it. The time had come. Mom was going to make another move, and this time we'd be alone. She pulled her Jetta into our driveway, and we parked. Mom didn't turn off the engine. So we sat there. I felt I should say something, but I was at a loss for words. Mom took me by the hand and gave me a squeeze. 'You know,' she said, 'I may be rusty, but it's usually customary for the guy to tell his date he had a nice time.' 'Oh, yeah, I mean... I had a very nice time'. 'I did too,' 'And,' I forced myself to speak, 'And you really made an impression on my friends. They thought I was lucky to be on a date with you,' 'Really. Do you think you're lucky to be on a date with me?' 'I, yeah. I do. I am lucky.' There was a little bit of a pregnant pause there, and then mom spoke up again. 'You know, it's also customary for the gentleman to give his date a kiss at the end of the evening.' I felt, I knew, that at that moment, this was the point where there was no going back. To let her take me out on a date, and to act flirty, that was one thing, but to kiss her in a parked car - that was crossing a major line. After that, I would always be a guy who had kissed with his mother. There was no undoing that. But I also knew at this point, going backward was going to be more awkward for me than going forward - so that made it easier." Playing Matchmaker I knew the next part would be hard for James to talk about, so I gave him some encouragement. "James - in my book - whatever happened, you are an absolute rock star. So many guys, thousands of guys, secretly want this and will never get as far as you already have with this story. I have to know what happened next." "I think you know what happened. I... I kissed her." "The kind of kiss you'd give to your mother? Or to your date?" "...The date kind." "And?" "And we kissed. And kissed. She had kissed me like this before, if you remember - you know - with the morning hugs and all - but this was the first time I kissed back." "And how was it?" "Awkward? Weird? Exciting? Ridiculous? Sexy? Heart-pounding? It was every emotion simultaneously." "Dude." "So she says 'Jim, you're so tense. I can tell how nervous you are.' And I'm like 'You can?' She says 'Mm-hmm. Why don't we try it again. This time close your eyes, and I want you to relax. And let me do the kissing. Okay?' she gave my hand another squeeze. So I close my eyes, and I can hear her shifting in her seat. And I can smell her perfume. And then her lips are on mine again. And this time they just open naturally. And now it's our tongues, just playing and circling, and tasting, and sucking. And finally, finally, I begin to relax." "Nice! I am loving what I am hearing!" "So when that kiss breaks up, we're both kind of breathing deeper. And she says 'Now I'm going to make you feel good, okay sweetheart? I'm going to relax you.' 'You are?' I said. At this point she could have said she was going to feed me jello from a gardening can and I wouldn't have cared. Our mouths melted together one more time. And now, while I was lost in another kiss, her hand went to work on my belt and my fly." "Hello hello." "Her cool hand goes into my boxers and takes my shaft. I'm hard and leaking pre-cum like some kind of wet dream. I mean it's already a swamp in there." So she fishes out my cock, and starts stroking it slowly with my own lube. Meanwhile her tongue is still playing with mine." "Hold on a sec man, I don't need all the detail about your cock. No offense. I'm prepared to take your word it was ready for action." "That's for damn sure. So now mom is giving me long steady, slow strokes. She moves her mouth to my ear. 'Just relax baby.' She tells me. 'All this nervousness you got inside you...' 'Yeah' I grunted. 'I want you... to let it all out, okay? All this fear, all this doubt. Let it out. Let it GO.' 'I... I'm trying mom.' 'Will you do that for me baby? Will you let it out for me?' I was just a whirlwind of emotions. I was lost in the sensation. In the perfume, in her voice. I twisted and turned in the passenger seat, but my mom just kept stroking me, staying with me, just stroking, stroking, stroking. 'We're going to stay right here until you let go of all this baggage, all these hang-ups.' 'Yes,' I answered. 'Yes. Yes!' 'You let it out for mommy. I want to hear you! Let it out!' Then I really lost it. 'Yes! Yes! I want to! Fuck me! Oh, fuck me!" She sped it up and I knew I was just moments away. 'Say it!' She said, 'Say it louder!' 'I... I...' 'SAY IT!' 'Oh! Fuck me mom! Please! I want to fuck you! I WANT TO FUCK YOU! Oh God, please just FUCK ME!!" 'Now let it go!' My mom jerked me savagely and I erupted. I didn't know what day it was, where I was, even who I was. I just exploded, and God help me I cried out every mother-fucking thought I had." I was stunned. "Holy shit!" "The next thing I knew I was coming back down to earth. My heart was racing. My mom was giving me soft little kisses, and was stroking me gently again." "She was still stroking you?" "Oh yeah - well, and let's just say I had painted the inside of that Jetta." "Yeah I was going to say, I'm never getting in that passenger seat again." "She kinda stayed with my cock until she had squeezed out the last drops, then she put it back into my jeans." "How long ago was this?" "Oh, about an hour ago." "Well shit dude? What are you doing talking to me? I take it the fun continued in the house. You shouldn't have gotten out of her bed to make a phone call. You've got to be a considerate lover, especially when it's the first time." "No no, it's not like that. She gave me one more kiss, and then said goodnight." "What! After everything you told me I figured she'd be tearing your clothes off and riding you ragged." "Hey! Be respectful! She's still my mom." "All right - no offense meant. But you have to admit you thought she was going to want more?" "You don't know her as well as you think Don. She loves me and she doesn't want to move things too fast. She wants me to make the next move." "Ahhhh. Right. She needs to feel wanted." "Yes." "To feel special. So now she's in her bedroom, and you're here talking to me. So are you going to go in there and make the next move?" "No no, not tonight. It's not meant to happen tonight. Look, I have to digest everything that's happened. I had some kind of emotional breakthrough today and I need to think about it. And mom understands that." "You two are turning into a real pair of lovebirds, you know that?" "I'm not sure yet. It's still incest, it's still unusual, and it's still a little fucked up. Remember it was only two months ago she was just a normal mom." "And tonight she was your date and made you cum in her hand. A lot can happen in two months." "I know. And I have to think about the things that I said tonight." "All right. Go ahead and think. Call me if you come to any new eureka moments." "I will. Goodnight Don." "And hey, James?" "Yeah?" "Congratulations my friend." "Sure." 4 The appropriate thing now, I concluded, was to let nature take its course. There was nothing further the old Donster could do when both mother and son were clearly so close to consummating their love. I knew I'd get the call when James was ready to talk. That day turned out to be Sunday, and it turned out to be a text, not a phone call. "The deed is done." it said. "Happy now?" "Pics or it didn't happen." I texted back. "Ha ha." "Seriously tho, will need details at some point." Inside I was beaming. I honestly couldn't believe it. All my work had come to beautiful fruition. Unless James was lying to me, he had actually fucked his mother. I couldn't wait to hear how the final act had played out. I waited patiently and got the call from James about an hour later. "Hey man," he said, "Had to go out for a walk to get some privacy." "No doubt." "Who even knows if I'm going to make any sense right now. I'm still like floating on some cloud. Like I'm dreaming and about to wake up." "I can verify you are in the here and now my friend. So what the hell happened? Start me from the beginning." "Yeah sure." said James. In the background I could hear the gravel shift as he walked. "So when was our movie date? Thursday? Man, it's been three long days. Long and intense. So I think I told you on Thursday we both went to our respective bedrooms alone. Mom had told me that she expected me to 'make the next move', but I wasn't completely sure what she meant. On Friday, she was cheerful, chipper, chirpy... and wearing practically nothing. A bikini top and a pair of way too short-shorts." "Love those short shorts." "Yeah, and you know how tall mom is. Half her ass was poking out of them. She's making breakfast like it's the most ordinary day in the world, ignoring a) what we did the night before and b) the fact that her creamy white ass is on full display. Now part of me is thinking: 'Okay, she asked you to make the next move, and now here she is dressing like this, inviting you to do it. So go up there and put your hands on her ass.' But I'm also thinking that I can't let the horndog part of my mind take over completely, and that we still need to talk about the night before." "Oy." "Whatever. So I'm sitting at the breakfast table, and mom's moving all around the room, I think she was actually whistling. And I say 'Hey, um. Mom?' 'Yes handsome?' 'Do you, uh, do you think we should talk about last night?' She stopped and turned to face me. 'What do you want to talk about?' 'Well, about where we go from here. What happens now?' Mom looked annoyed. 'Sweetheart, I told you what I wanted from you last night. But if I didn't make myself clear, I'll tell you again. I'm not going to force myself on you. I've made every possible move I know how to make. I've taken you as far as I can. But if you're going to be my new man, I can't do everything. You have to want it. You have to want me. You have to be desperate for me. When you can't stand the idea of not being with me, then let me know. Until then, well, how do you like your eggs?' 'But mom, it's not that simple. This is a big step, for both of us. There's a lot to consider here, and frankly I just don't know if it's the best idea.' 'Bullshit.' she said, turning back to the stove. 'You're just lazy and afraid. You want me, but you don't want to have to live with yourself for making any moves. You want me to do it all for you. This is all about you getting to pretend that it was never your choice. Well from this moment on, it's going to be 100% your choice. You either want me, and you'll let me know with your actions, or you'll want me but be too chickenshit to do anything about it." "Holy hot damn!" I interrupted. "What is this? Some crazy double reverse psychology going on." "You're telling me," James sighed. "I didn't know how to react." "Well, you realize she's 100% right. We all know you want your mom. She knows it. I know it, and you admitted it yourself in the car. And yes, I hadn't thought about it - but this resistance you keep putting up, it's all about getting her to do all the work for you." "Oh come on, you too with this shit?" "No it makes sense. You want to fuck her, but still be able to tell yourself it wasn't your call. You were seduced. It wasn't your fault. You have to admit, she's got you there." "If that's so, then it's buried deep, deep in my subconscious because that wasn't my thought process at all." "But I interrupted you. Keep going!" "So I didn't want to argue any more with her. So we ate and talked about other things. But for the whole day she kept me in a constant state of arousal with a series of skimpy outfits. She worked out in a leotard with nothing underneath. She sunned out in the backyard wearing a bikini. In the evening it was just a robe and a thong." "Just a prayer and a song. So what did you do?" "So I tried to work up some nerve to do what she wanted. I was ready to make a move. Show her some affection. Let her know that I was open to this relationship. But here's the thing Don. I gave her some compliments throughout the day, about how she looked, but she either waved them away or ignored them. At dinner, I put my hand on hers, but she took her hand away. I even offered to massage her shoulders when she was tanning in the back yard, but she told me to beat it. I mean, I couldn't win." "You always were a gentleman." "So what was I doing wrong?" "You were being too timid. Compliments and hand-holding, that you should have done back on the date. She was looking for something more passionate. More carnal." "I should have called you." "Of course you should have." "So Saturday rolls around. And you have to understand that by now I am in a sour mood. I had 100 opportunities to let off steam the day before with a, uh, manual release." "Oh yeah. A little couch hockey." "Yeah but I didn't. I didn't want to lose the desire. I was saving it for mom." "Good thinking." "And she's in a mood to match mine. She's upset that I haven't made a move yet, but she hadn't given up on me. She was still trying to tease. This time it was in a cutoff tee-shirt and daisy dukes." "Ai chihuahua. The mental picture. You realize you moron that if you eventually hadn't grown a pair of balls, that I may have had to step in and try my own luck." "Dude, I don't want to hear shit like that from you. Fair warning." "So at least with me you have attitude. Where were your cojones on Saturday with your mom?" "I haven't told you yet. I did make a move. That morning, as mom was cooking breakfast, I said to myself it's now or never. I took my mom's words to heart. I had to act like this was what I wanted. I had to be desperate for her." "Good man." "So I walked right up behind her at the kitchen counter.. I pressed my whole body against hers. 'Good morning mom." I said softly and kissed her on the neck. And with my hands - I brought them up around her and very deliberately... cupped her breasts. I took them in both hands and rolled them around. The response though was not what I expected. 'What are you doing you pervert?' she said, and bucked backwards until I had stumbled back a few feet. 'I'm your goddamned mother! You watch where you put those hands!' I started to babble something, but then I thought better and just left the room." "What the hell?" I scratched my head. "I know. What the fuck. And then get this. When she comes out into the living room where I'm watching TV, not thirty minutes later, she comes out to vacuum, and this time she's not even wearing her jean shorts, just panties." "I don't get it." "And then she starts vacuuming, making sure to bend over right in front of me, lots of times, just wagging her ass in my face. Of course I have no idea what to do." "I don't blame you." "So I stand up - I can't hear the TV anyway - and I yank the vacuum cord out of the socket. The vacuum motor dies and mom turns around to face me. 'Mom - what do you want from me? Whatever these... these signals are, I just don't get them.' 'I've told you Jim. You're going to make the move. You're going to let me know you want me. I never said I was going to make it easy on you. If you want me, then prove it. Otherwise, stay out of my way, cause I've got a house to clean.' And she plugged the cord right back in and got back to work." "Wow. Wow wow wow. She's serious." "I know." "And to be honest, her game is starting to sound a little rapey." "Right? That was my thought too. What, she wants me to rip off her clothes and just rape her in the living room while she screams for me to stop? "Yeah." "She knows I'm not going to do that." "Well there has to be some middle ground. There has got to be a way that you can be assertive in the way that she wants and still be a good guy." "The rest of the day, I acted like there was a wild animal in the house." "A cougar." "A sexy wild animal that I had to tame. I tried once or twice more. That afternoon I told her point blank. 'Mom', I said, 'I want you.' 'Pffft.' She waved dismissively and kept walking. And then in the evening, when she came home from shopping and walked in the door, I cornered her right there in the entranceway. 'Mom. This is crazy. This has gone on long enough. I admit it, I want you. I think about you nonstop. You're the sexiest woman I know. You can have me. All of me. Just tell me what you want me to do.' 'Ehhh...' she looked me over top to toe. 'Nice words Jim. But I'm not convinced. Go talk that way to one of your girlfriends at school.' 'Mom, you know I don't have any girlfriends at school None of them measure up to you. They're a waste of my time. You're the only woman I want.' 'That's filthy. Are you listening to yourself? You're saying you want your own mother. You must be some kind of sicko. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my bedroom.' As she walked past me, I thought I detected just a little bit of hesitation. She looked behind, checking to see if I was following. When she saw I wasn't, her expression fell and a moment later her bedroom door slammed behind her." "Oh dude, that was your chance!" "Yes, I know that now. It all happened too quickly." "And this mind-fucking she's giving you - Jesus. This is brutal." "Thank you for noticing." "You see what she's doing. All this time she's been trying to persuade you to get over your hang-ups. Now she's making you persuade her. She forcing you to be the aggressor. This is like what you told me about months ago, with her trying to break down your barriers, except now it's reversed. She's put up barriers, and she's making you break them down! Now it's you who needs to fuck his mom, and she's going to make you work for it. Oh man, this is insane, but also a little genius." "And it's all in the past tense, because I haven't told you about Sunday." "Oh yes. This was all yesterday. So by all means, what transpired today?" "So this morning, after two days of this teasing, and two days, you know, without relief - I am seeing red." "Yup." "I mean I am practically going out of my mind. So mom's in the kitchen, once again making breakfast - and this time she's pulled out all the stops. Thigh high stockings, high heels, a miniskirt. No underwear." "Niiiiice." "And some kind of, I don't know, cut off halter top with her tits pressed together and practically spilling out. She usually doesn't wear a lot of makeup because she's got a very fair complexion, but she even was rocking the cherry red lipstick. I'm telling you Don - it was every inch a fuck-me outfit." "Most guys wouldn't be able to resist their moms if they put on a show like that. You're only human." "That morning I was more than human. Or less. I don't know what I was. I was still mad that I had missed my obvious opportunity from the night before, and I was going insane from the lack of release. And now here was mom walking around like a whore in a brothel, waiting to be purchased." "So what did you do? Tell me you did something bold?" "I couldn't stop staring at mom. Eventually she noticed. 'It's not polite to stare, Jimmy.' I didn't say a word. I just kept soaking in the image of my mom wearing the sluttiest outfit I'd ever seen. 'Are you here for breakfast, or just to be a sad little peeping Tom?' 'I've had enough.' I finally exclaimed loudly. 'I am damn tired of being teased!' Mom put her hand on her hip like she was about to put me down again, but I wasn't going to have any of it. 'You're asking to get fucked, and I'm going to fuck you.' I told her. 'Now get in the bedroom.' Mom smirked at my new attitude and didn't budge. I went to her, I'm telling you Don, I was like a man possessed. I ran my hands all over her body as she started to yell and tried to shove me. When I got to the halter top, I took it in one hand and just ripped it clean off. Her white tits came bouncing out. 'No more head games.' I said. 'I don't care what I'm supposed to do. I don't care about incest. I don't care you're my mom - now get the fuck in the bedroom before I fuck you right here on the kitchen tile!' 'Make me!' she yelled, and ran out of the kitchen. I darted after her into the living room and caught her by the arm. There was no more time, I couldn't wait anymore. I pushed her forward roughly over the top of the sectional. I lifted up the miniskirt and confirmed my earlier suspicion: no panties. She's twisting and grunting, and trying to get up, but it didn't even take real effort to keep her held down, facing forward over the couch. I shuffled my jeans and boxers down and kicked them off one leg. Then I kicked her legs apart. I ran two fingers up and down her slit. She was hot as a furnace, but I couldn't tell if she was wet. I spit on my hand as quickly as I could and greased up my cock, which, pardon my mentioning it, was as hard as it's ever been. Harder.