22 comments/ 92821 views/ 73 favorites My Role Model, My Brother By: fgmntfmgnshn Author's note: Please forgive any grammar mistakes. I do not have an editor and when I proof read, my mind corrects any of my mistakes because I know what I was trying to say. Happy Reading! I have had two male influences in my life. The first was my father, Leonard Shaw for what it's worth, and he taught me exactly what I didn't want in a man. He was usually at work but when he was home, he was distant, only talking to my brother Jack and me in one-word sentences. With my mother Judy, Dad seemed disinterested. They would talk but I got the sense he didn't care. When I was twelve, father left for good. He paraded into the house with a woman on his arm, a colleague from work. Apparently, he had been seeing her for quite some time and they were now moving in together. He came in, took what he wanted, and left, leaving a path of destruction in everyone's hearts. Granted, I didn't know him very well, but he was still my father. That was the day the second male role model entered my life. Since Jack was two years older than me, he had always been in my life, but he surprised me and, at least subconsciously at the time, I know my perception of him changed to that of something more. Jack guided me to my room and, as he mussed my black shoulder length hair, asked me to stay there until it was over. A simple demand, yes, but being so curious it was a request I could not fulfill. I watched him leave and then snuck down the hall. Dad stood laughing at our crying mother while his girlfriend rummaged the house. She even snickered at me as she passed. I'm shocked she didn't try to take the pool from out back. Jack got between our parents and stared our Dad down. It was a spectacle to watch as a defiant Jack tried to intimidate our father. I couldn't see any part of my brother. His scrawny, wiry frame was completely over shadowed. "Got something to say son?" Father towered at least a foot and a half over my brother. "Get out." Jack didn't yell or shout, but his tone... the words were spoken with an intensity I have never heard in any person before and it shocked me. I moved in closer to get a better look. Jack's response caught father completely off guard. "Well look at you," he chuckled back, "trying to be all grown up. What do you think you can do to me?" "Get out now!" Dad kept laughing and Jack swung. The connection caused father to take a step back before his face contoured into something sinister and he balled a fist. Dad cocked his arm back and flung it forward. He stopped mere inches from my brother's face. Jack didn't even flinch. "Linda, we're leaving." I scampered back to my room as my father left, stunned at Jack's audaciousness but proud he did something I couldn't do. From that day on, Mom was a shell of herself. My brother took charge of everything. In the house, Jack cooked, he cleaned, and he did laundry. He was on top of the financials. Mom did not work and only received child support. Jack did everything he could to supplement the income. He babysat, mowed lawns, shoveled snow, and raked leaves, anything and everything for a buck. More importantly, he took care of us. Every day he insisted on checking my schoolwork even though he was often behind on his. Before bed, he would always take the time to talk to me about everything and nothing. We would laugh and joke around or if I had any problems, he would give me advice. It was really interesting watching him look up on the internet one particular tough question I had and then have him explain my first period. A few months later, I found out he would also stay up and wait for our Mother to come home from the tavern and make sure she made it to bed. He never bought anything for himself, but I seemed to get new clothes for school or if I desperately wanted something, it found its way into my room. When he was sixteen, Jack was beginning to come into his body. All the manual labor really made him lean and muscular. He got a job making burgers at the nearby fast food joint. By now, our mom seemed to be coming home with a different man every night. Sometimes they would stay and have an awkward morning moment with my brother, but most often, they would leave. If Jack was home, he did his best to shield me from the sight of our inebriated mother and her friend walking in and then the sounds that came from her room a short while later. We would head to the basement and play games or watch television. While Jack was at work, I would just hide in my room and fall asleep after the noises stopped. One particular night in which Jack worked, Mom brought home one truly odious man. I could tell she was more hammered than usual and when they walked passed me in the living room, his eyes seemed fixated on me. He reminded me of an ogre and gave me the creeps. As soon as they were in mother's bedroom, I went in mine, shut the door, and hopped into bed. For some reason, feigning sleep in the dark helped me keep my mind off what was going on in the other room. However, this time was unlike any previous occurrences. Usually the door shuts and I hear noises; Mom giggling like she was five followed by the mumbles of the man, then the sound of the bed squeaking and finally grunts from the man and a loud wail by my mother. This time, however, there was nothing, only silence. Suddenly, my bedroom door burst open. "There you are!" I scooted back against the wall and I was as far as I could go as the beastly man took step after step closer to my bed. I pulled my knees up and nightgown down to cover myself as much as possible. "I'm sure my mom is looking for you." I began to shake as I felt his eyes gaze upon my body as a hawk would a mouse. "Yeah, she passed out on me." He then sat on my bed, "But you aren't a bad second option, Sweetheart. Tell me, have you been with a man yet?" His hand rested on my thigh. "Leave me alone," I pulled my leg from his hand, but he followed. "Go away." "Oh, Honey. Shush now. Let me make you feel good. I promise I'll be gentle." He leaned in and tried to kiss me but my face cringed and I turned my head. His hands went to my temples and forced me to face him. "Please don't." I started to cry. He moved my arms in the air and held onto both of my wrists with one hand. The other began to slowly move downward. I was petrified. His smile was devilish and his breath smelled of cigarettes and alcohol as his head moved forward. His hand was just above my shoulder and I was fearful of both their destinations. Clank. "Ow! Fuck!" The man arched his back and released me. Clank. I opened my eyes as the brute was frantically trying to escape from my brother and his aluminum baseball bat. "Get the fuck away from her!" Clank. Another strike from the bat and the man was now hobbling into the hallway. "You little shit! The girl wanted it. Practically begged me for it," the man grabbed his side, where the last attack happened. "You'll be lucky if I don't sue your ass for assault!" Jack lunged for him, the bat arching down. Seeing his threat wasn't stopping the teen, he dove out of the way. Clank. The bat just missed pummeling the man's head. The reverberation caused Jack to momentarily pause and gave that asshole a chance to get away. Jack left my sight to verify he was gone and then reappeared in my room. I was shaking uncontrollably. Jack held me tight and repeatedly whispered, "It's going to be okay, Audrey. You're safe now." It may have been my imagination, but I swear he had a slight tremble to his body as well. Suddenly, that despicable man was back in my room, attempting to grope me again. I was scared and I tried screaming, but it was too late. His mouth already was covering my own. I awoke in freight, my body glistening in a sheen of sweat. It was a nightmare. The man never came back. I took a couple deep breaths to settle myself and then grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower. As soon as I entered the hallway, I heard Jack from the kitchen, and he was not happy. "What the fuck were you thinking last night mother?" "I don't know what you're talking about and I'm not in the mood for another one of your lectures," mom's voice was barely audible and sounded irritated. "Do we have any aspirin?" Did she say 'another lecture'? "How could you bring home such a piece of shit?" "Did I make too much noise again or was it something else this time?" "Are you kidding me?" I never heard Jack so angry. "I had to beat the man off with a baseball bat before he raped Audrey. You know, your daughter. Remember her? Or did you already kill off the brain cells that reminded you that you have two children?" "Whatever. The little tramp probably asked for it." I dropped my clothes and started to cry at her words. How could my own Mother think that of me? "Tramp? " I can tell Jack was livid by her words. "Tramp? Don't you ever say that about Audrey again! You know nothing about her." I heard the sound of someone smacking the wooden table. "I know my daughter." Mom replied halfheartedly. "Bullshit. Do you know she has a hard time making friends because she's so shy and reserved? Constantly afraid that anyone that gets close will leave her like Dad did. How about the fact she thinks you're going to drink yourself to death before she graduates? Huh? Did you know any of that? How about this? Just tell me one of her grades. You don't even have to give me the class, just the letter." There was a long pause. "I don't know, a 'B'?" "Wrong again. She's a straight 'A' student and you don't even care." "Just let me nurse my hangover, Jack. I'm too tired right now." "You used to be such a good mother to us both. Now look at you, a fucking disgrace." Jack let out a frustrated sigh. "Maybe I should start calling you Judy instead of Mom." "Just leave me alone." "Gladly. But before I do, let me make one thing clear. If you bring home another man, and I don't care who it is, I will beat the living shit out of him and I will cut you completely off. Audrey doesn't need to live in fear in her own house because her mother is a lousy drunk." Jack turned the corner and into the hallway. His face was masked in fury but when he saw me, it dissipated and a slight smile appeared. I was standing in a daze as he walked up and hugged me in a protective embrace. "Sorry we woke you. I should have kept my voice down." My cry turned into a sob. "Am I really a Tramp? Was last night my fault? I swear I barely even looked at him when he came in the house. Does that make me a Tramp?" Jack broke our hold and stared me right in the eye. "No. Don't you ever think that again, Audrey. You did absolutely nothing wrong. And don't you listen to Mom either. She's just mad at me for yelling at her, that's all." He hugged me again. "Thank you, Jack." I wiped the tears from my face. "For everything." "No problem," Jack kissed my forehead. "How about an omelet for breakfast?" That was the day Jack taught me what I wanted in a man. When Jack was eighteen, he made shift manager at the fast food restaurant and no longer helped me with my homework. Not because he didn't care, it was because he couldn't. My sophomore A.P. classes were ahead of his senior regular classes that he was barely passing. He still made sure my homework was finished though. Since Jack enforced the "no men at the house" rule, mom took to staying out even later, doing the deed at her liaisons place. I began to come out of my own little world, but not much. I was a part of a close-knit group of friends and even started to gain the attention of some of the guys at school as my body was developing. I didn't date much, but when I did, it was interesting to watch Jack grill any boy wanting to take me out. He was so protective of me. The next two years saw drastic changes in our household. Something snapped in mom. Whatever Jack did to get her to go to Alcoholics Anonymous, was worth it. The meetings had a profound effect on her as she all together stopped going to the bar. She was home and sober. She even got a job as a server at a diner. She still wasn't in charge of the house, but it was good to see her trying to get her life in order. Jack progressed at his work and was promoted to the salaried position of assistant manager. I was still shy, but one of my best friends really did all she could to get me to go out, setting me up on a myriad of double dates with her. Only one of them got a second date, the guy to whom I lost my virginity, and he looked like Jack, sort of. I could never find what I was searching for. My brother set the bar so high no one could attain it. Some had nothing in common with me, others were simply immature, a couple only wanted sex, and more than a few didn't make it past my brother. They all seemed surprised that he was the one interrogating them. Then they were even more astonished at how fiercely he questioned them. It was infuriating to know the ineptitude of the male adolescents at my school. My eighteenth birthday arrived a day after graduation. Jack agreed to finance pizza/slumber party. He also bought me a used car. It was an old and rusty escort, but knowing what little funds we had, I was grateful. The party was kept small, with just my two best friends, Claire and Holly in attendance. Claire was a shy, slender girl with red hair. Holly had the body with curves in all the right areas, blonde hair, and was our de facto leader with her boisterous and infectious personality. We were all sitting in a circle with a couple large pizzas in the center of us and the topic soon turned toward boys. "So Audrey, I found a guy for you for your birthday present," Holly announced. "His names George and He - Is - Hot." She emphasized the last three words. "Ya know, I think I'm good this time," I shook my head. "I don't think you know my type." "I don't think you know your type," Holly laughed. "Besides, you'll forget all about 'your type' when you see George's muscles." I gave her a not amused look and she rolled her eyes, "Oh all right. If you want to grow up to be an old maid spinster with fifty cats, that's fine by me." Claire giggled at that. "Claire will double date with me." Claire stopped laughing. "I told you I'm not interested." "You're never interested," Holly shot back. "Don't tell us you're a lesbian." "No, I, uh," Claire muttered out. "Wait," I interrupted. "Are you telling us you like someone?" "I, um..." "Who is it?" Holly excitedly exclaimed. "Tell us who it is!" "I, uh, didn't mean to..." Claire began twiddling her thumbs and looking around. Holly pressured her again. "All right, all right, but you can't get mad Audrey." Claire finally relented. "Me? Why me?" I was perplexed at why I was being put on the spot. "Because it's Jack." "Jack? Jack who? Wait, do you mean my brother?" "Yeah," Claire had her head down, but her eyes kept glancing at me to gauge my reaction. I sat deep in thought. Did I mind? My contemplation wandered to the warm memories of my brother. All the caring. All the compassion. All for me. The edges of my mouth curved upward in remembrance. "Awesome," Holly clapped, "Thanks for being okay with it, Audrey." Okay? Okay with what? Did I agree to something? "What can you could tell us about him? Like what hobbies, interests, type of girls he has dated?" Claire sat up on her knees and I noticed both of their eyes were riveted on me. Hobbies? Interests? I drew a blank on all accounts. Then it hit me like an elephant squashing an ant and I only really answered because I couldn't believe it myself, "He's never gone out with anyone, guy or girl." It was true. Jack was fourteen when he had to take control of the house. He never had a chance to go out on a date or hang out with the guys. No school dances. No going to the movies. No fun whatsoever. His only goal was sustaining our family. They both sat stunned for a moment and then Holly coughed before she excitedly spoke, "So he's a nice guy with a job and he's a virgin?" She chuckled. "The line starts behind me!" "What about Ricky? Remember your boyfriend?" I contended. "Oh, we both know we're not going to last." "Anyways," Claire rebutted, "I staked claim first, remember?" "But I always let you two get all the guys, it's my turn." Holly exclaimed as Claire stood up. "Hey, where are you going?" "I'm going to ask Jack out before you try to snake him from me." Claire must really be into my brother for her to ask him out. I've never seen her so bold. Her shyness tends to stop her from asking even us certain things. Holly knew what she was doing when she pushed Claire with that faux threat. Claire bounded out the door and Holly and I were in hot pursuit. We spied from the hallway, watching Jack at the computer as Claire demurely approached. "Hey Jack. What are you looking at?" "The washing machine is making a squeaking noise. I'm told it's probably the belt, so I'm doing research on how to change it." "Wow, I didn't know you knew how to do that." "Honestly, I don't have a clue, but this is how I fix anything that breaks in this house and then I hope for the best." Then Jack did what he always did for me. He stopped what he was doing and turned to face Claire. He gave his undivided attention to her. It always made me feel like I was the most important person in his world when he did that. "I'm sorry, Claire. You didn't come out here to find out how to fix a washing machine. What can I do for you? Did you three run out of pizza or drinks?" Jack's focus on Claire seemed to unsettle her. Her nervous nature came flooding to the forefront, "I was just wondering if you would... by chance might like to, um, go out sometime?" Jack stared at her quizzically for a moment. "Go out?" My brother's voice had a calculating tone to it, "Does Audrey know about this?" "Yeah," Claire's foot began twisting in front of her. "Asked her first." Jack appeared lost in thought before answering, "Sure. I hope Thursday is good for you. If it has to be a weekend, I don't get one of those nights off easily." "I can do Thursday." I could tell Claire was doing everything she could to prevent her from crying out with joy. I was happy for my brother. I was happy for my friend. With her inexperience and shy nature, Claire would be a good fit for Jack and his kindhearted soul. But something didn't feel quite right. I couldn't sleep that night. I kept dreaming I was at the wedding of Jack and Claire. I should have been happy, but I was devastated and then I was alone. Just me and the darkness. When we all woke up the next morning or should I say afternoon, Jack had made breakfast for everyone. We sat around the kitchen table, with Claire hovering around my brother. It was cute actually. I don't know why, but I suddenly had to vomit. I was never so happy in life than to see Claire's mom come pick her up. Holly left a short while later. I didn't understand my emotions. I now realized I was jealous, but why? I couldn't explain it. "So you've got a date with Claire, huh?" "Thursday at six." Jack then stopped doing the dishes, turned, and faced me. I felt it was just him and me in the world. "Are you all right with that? If not, I will cancel." He was still doing his best to take care of me. "Yeah, it's fine." I lied because I didn't have a good explanation for what would have been his follow up question of 'Why' if I told the truth. Hell, I still didn't know that. Jack eyed me curiously for a second. He always could read me. "You sure?" I was extra giddy as I replied, "Of course, why would I mind?" I tried to interrupt his 'Audrey Radar'. "In that case, I have a favor to ask of the birthday girl." This is a first. He's the one usually doing the favors. "And what's that?" Really, I'd agree to anything to change the subject. My Role Model, My Brother "Give me some pointers on what a date should be," Jack let out a sigh. "I'm sure you realize I've never been on one." So I was right about that. "Oh, brother," I giggled. "Take her to a place you'd want to go and think she might. And make sure to be yourself. That's the key. Be you. If you hit it off, you're on to date number two, if not, no hard feelings." "Seems simple enough," Jack smiled and then his eyebrows narrowed as if he was deep in thought. "Would you be willing to waste a Sunday afternoon going on a date with your dear old brother tomorrow before I have to work? Sort of a dry run for me? You know, to give me advice or tell me when I mess up." I didn't hesitate. "Yes," I almost shouted and then put my hand over my mouth for a second before politely repeating it. "Yes I would," I blushed. "Outstanding! Do you think you can be ready by ten thirty in the morning?" "Sure." It was another restless night. I dreamt Jack and I were old, grey, and still living together. I was up before dawn even came, the excitement of my day overwhelming my need for sleep. I stood in front of my closet, wishing above all else that I could have bought a new outfit to show off to Jack. At a snail's pace, the clock slowly ticked away. I showered. I meticulously styled my hair and put on makeup. I chose a light blue sundress, not really knowing what we were going to do, I went for casual but nice. It was the most I have ever done for a date. It was only 7:30. Damn. I spent the rest of the morning double and triple checking my ensemble as well as watching the clock before a knock at my bedroom door at 10:25 signaled my brother was ready. "You sure you still want to do this?" I could hear the slight uneasiness in Jack's trembled voice. "Of course," I answered as I opened my door. The reaction on my brother's face was priceless. "Wow, Audrey. You look amazing." I blushed even though that response was what I was hoping to receive. I knew my brother wouldn't let me down. "Thanks. You don't look bad yourself." He actually looked really good in his black polo shirt and jeans. "I feel underdressed now." Jack pulled at his shirt and I could tell he was about to decide to change. I grabbed his hand and smiled, "You're fine," and then I pulled him down the hall. "Let's get going." I was too excited to wait and didn't feel the need for him to change. When we got to his car, he did something unexpected. He opened my door. It took my brother to be the first one of my dates to do this simple act. We went to lunch and he seemed surprised when I sat next to him in the booth instead of across. "We're on a date, remember?" Jack put his arm around me and chuckled, "Yes we are." I loved the feel of him holding me. We went to the park. It was a wonderful day and the sun was shining. I really wanted to hold his hand but he seemed reluctant to initiate touching me as we walked around the pond making small talk. So I acted. I wrapped my arm in his and it sent a warm feeling throughout my body as if I belonged there. I nestled my head on his shoulder and I'm sure I gave off a dreamy look to the passerby's. I didn't see it, but I felt his body tense for the slightest of moments as if he wanted to say something about me draping myself to him, but he let it go. We soon came across a peddler selling ice cream. It was romantic as we sat, eating our ice cream, me cuddled in his arms as we watched the pond life do their business in the water. All too soon, we were heading back home. Right as Jack opened the door for me to step inside our house, I leaned up and kissed my brother on the lips. I don't know what possessed me to do it. Maybe it was because it was the best date I had ever been on. Maybe I didn't want the afternoon to end. I don't know, but it was a special moment for me when our lips met and I absolutely held it too long for his comfort while I wanted it to be longer. I had never kissed him on the lips before and he was definitely taken aback by it. "I just thought we should end this date the right way." I playfully put my index finger to his nose and scratched it lightly. "Don't worry about anything. You were perfect today." Jack had to go to work and I, well, I had to sort out my feelings. I rushed to my bedroom and shut the door. I didn't get farther than that. I leaned back against it, my heart pounding like a bass drum in my chest and my stomach was full of butterflies. All this time I wanted someone like Jack but I now realize I wanted Jack. I was in love with my brother. All those suppressed feelings that I subconsciously had since I was twelve consciously came to the forefront. What a revelation! Just that simple statement brought a smile to my lips. I didn't know what to do. Am I a freak? I'm positive Jack didn't have an interest in me like that and now I had to contend with Claire. I logged on to the internet in hope of finding some precedence for my situation. Some guidelines I could follow to somehow fix me or land my brother. What I found was unbelievable. I watched and read as much as I could. Okay, it was mostly porn that popped up, but at least I know I'm not alone. I found my justification and it didn't take much. Someone had to write those stories, direct and act in those movies, and take those pictures whether they were actual brothers and sisters or not. Now I just had to change Jack's perception of me. Through my 'research', I made a plan. Wear virtually no clothes around my brother when we were alone, speak in double entendre and innuendos, touch him as much as possible, and, if I get bold enough, let him catch me masturbating while I call out his name. That last one will be tough. That night, it was 'execution' time. Jack usually got home around 11:30, so I decided to make a late dinner, in the sexiest underwear I own, a black lacey bra and panty combination. I felt on display, as I have never worn such little clothing before. "Wow, something smells good." I heard Jack announce from the doorway. "I wanted to make you something special for taking me out earlier today." I called back. I placed our steaks on the table and stood just out of view from where my brother would be coming from. Seconds seemed like hours and I was about to chicken out when he entered. "What did you..." Jack started and then stopped, his eyes wide and mouth agape. He was stunned temporarily before he politely turned around. "Audrey, where are your clothes?" "What do you mean?" I was trying my best not to be nervous. "I mean, why are you in your underwear?" "Oh, don't be a prude," I wrapped my arms around his body. God, even after work he smells good. "It's comfortable and it covers the same as my bikini." My hands caressed his covered chest. "That's different and you know it." "How?" Jack grabbed my hands to hold them still. He was deep in thought and it was the first time I felt I had him on the ropes in a conversation. I loved this closeness and wished it could last forever. "Wait, you don't own a bikini. Your swimsuit is a one piece." I was getting frustrated. I forcefully removed my hands from him. "You know I'm a woman now, you can't tell me how to dress!" I stomped in earnest to my room, flung myself onto my bed, and began crying. My plan had already failed. "Audrey," Jack was barely audible as he lightly knocked on my door. "Can I come in?" "No." My door opened anyway. "I said you couldn't come in." "I'm not, but it doesn't mean I can't talk to you from here." Jack then sighed. "Audrey, I'm sorry. I suppose I still have the mindset that you're my kid sister and you need to be protected. You're right. You're a woman now and I need to treat you as such. If you want to parade around the house in your underwear, I'll accept your decision. Just promise me you'll not compromise your modesty in public. It'll make me worry too much." Success! I glanced up and saw Jack leaning with his back against the doorjamb, staring blankly at the floor. "And it would mean a lot if you would come and eat dinner with me." I don't think Jack even realized I got up and only turned his head when I walked towards him. I gave him a sheepish smile and kissed him on the cheek. "I promise." Remembering my touch as much as I possibly can rule, I put my arm into his. "C'mon, foods getting cold." The next couple of days, my plan was in full swing. I pranced around Jack nearly naked at every possible chance. I brushed up against him and was more affectionate than I've ever been. Plenty of lingering kisses, including several on the lips, and I smashed my body under the guise of hugs at an alarming rate. I'm sure I caught him staring at me on several occasions, but that could have been my overactive mind. Still, no matter what I did, Thursday arrived, and with it, his date with Claire. "Hey Audrey, do I look okay?" Jack was wearing a white button down shirt and black slacks. "Wow, my brother is hot!" I had never seen him so dressed up before and just looking at him made my body tingle. I wish it were for me. "So where you taking Claire?" "The community center is putting on a rendition of Grease. Do you think Claire would like seeing a musical?" "Relax big guy, she'll love it." The sad part is Claire really will love it. So would I. "Thanks," Jack smiled. "Wish me luck." I followed Jack to the door and didn't take my eyes off him until his pick-up truck was out of sight. Even then, I waited an extra ten minutes hoping he'd come back and take me instead. I was completely downtrodden as I opened the fridge to see what I wanted for dinner. I wasn't hungry at all, but I couldn't really think of anything else to do. Jack haunted my thoughts and it made me feel worse. I settled for a gourmet meal of a carton of chocolate peanut butter ice cream. I sat in silence at the table for a few minutes before mom came in and sat next to me. "You look depressed," Mom put a hand on top of my one hand that wasn't trying to devour all the ice cream in a single scoop. Her words were a major understatement, one in which I only acknowledged with a halfhearted grunt as I stuffed my face. "You love him, don't you?" My eyes shot up to meet her gaze and I choked down what was in my mouth. "Who?" "Jack." "Uh." It was all I could get out. How did she know? "You know, I never did apologize to you about what happened that night four years ago. I'm sorry Audrey. I really am. I know I was in a bad place then, but that's no excuse for allowing something bad to happen to you. I hope someday you can forgive me." Mom was going all over the place with this conversation and I was having a hard time keeping up. "It's okay, Mom. I forgive you." "I appreciate that, but I haven't earned it yet," Mom softly chuckled. "Anyways, I know I'm in no position to tell anyone how to live their life, so you have my blessing. I may not understand it, but at least I know he'll take care of you the right way and not do what your father did to me." "Who?" "Jack," Mom smiled while shaking her head. "I'm giving you permission to follow your heart." "You mean..." "Yes, but don't make me say it." I had tears in my eyes as I hugged Mom. I can't believe she's allowing me to try to seduce my brother. "Thank you, Mom." "I know it might be difficult, but you might want to try and be honest with him," Mom squeezed me one last time. "Good luck." I was having mixed emotions. I was overjoyed Mom was supporting my feelings but I was distraught that Jack was out with another girl. I paced my room and waited until I heard the sound of his truck pull in the driveway. I ran to my window and peered into the darkness. My heart sunk as I saw my brother helping Claire out of the passenger side. Worse than that, she looked beautiful in a way I've never seen before. She always wore jeans and a t-shirt, but tonight she wore a pink blouse and a black skirt. They made their way to the porch and stopped. They exchanged some words before Jack kissed Claire. He kissed her. That slut, that should have been me! Anger filled my body as I watched them enter the house. Why is she still here! I crept down the hallway. "All right, you go pick a movie and I'll make the popcorn." Jack's voice sounded so happy. I ducked into the bathroom as Claire walked by. I waited until I heard my brother again before sneaking back out. "The American President? Good pick. I love this movie." I knew that. Lucky Bitch. "Me too," Claire sounded pleased with herself over the selection. As the movie began, Claire cuddled next to Jack. I couldn't take anymore as my brother put his arm around her. With much despair, I went back to my room and cried until I fell asleep. When I awoke, I was thrilled to find out Claire did not stay the night. It was still early but I didn't care. I headed straight to her house. Her dad let me in as he was going to work and wished me luck in getting her to wake up from her late night. I went to her room, sat in her computer chair, and waited. I stared intently at my supposed friend, contemplating doing the most devilish acts imaginable just to make her disappear. Twenty minutes passed before Claire stirred. In one moment, she went from having a faint smile while she rubbed her eyes to one of abject terror when she realized someone was in the room with her. "Darn it, Audrey. You scared the crap out of me," Claire clutched her chest and took a couple deep breaths. A beaming smile came to her lips, "Thanks again for letting me go out with Jack. A million times, thank you. I had a blast last night. Jack was so romantic. We had dinner, went to the theatre, and then went back to your place to watch a movie before he took me home. He kissed me, Audrey. He kissed me. I think I'm already in love. And we already made plans to see each other again on Monday. Isn't that great?" Claire looked as if she were on a balloon floating in the clouds. Time to burst that balloon. "Break it off with Jack." "What?" Claire's response was hasty and high pitched, as if she couldn't believe what I just said. "You heard me." I sat stoic, unmoving, with my eyes piercing through her. "But why?" "Because I'm telling you to." "I don't get you Audrey. You come into my room at the crack of frickin dawn to tell me I can't date your brother anymore?" Claire put her feet to the floor, confusion written all over her face. "Why did you say yes when I asked you the other day? Why did you sit in the hallway and allow me to go up to your brother and ask him out? Do you even know how hard that was for me?" "I do." "Then why?" I never saw her so upset. Claire pointed to herself. "I deserve to know." I stood, frustrated that this little twerp wouldn't just cave in like she normally does. "Because I told you to, that's why!" Claire stood and put herself right in front of me, "Fuck you, Audrey!" It was the first time I had ever heard her swear. "That's not good enough. Shouldn't you be happy for me? Hell, shouldn't you be happy for Jack? I said I might love him already and you're telling me to break it off. Just," Claire gave a large huff, "Tell me why, damn it!" "Because I love him!" I covered my mouth at the realization that I said that aloud. I slumped back into the chair, defeated. Claire paused, shocked at my revelation. "What did you just say?" My eyes began welling up, "Please don't make me say it again." "With the way you talk about him, I thought that might be the case. That's why I asked for your permission." Claire sighed, "Does Jack know?" I just shook my head. "Audrey, you and I have been friends for a long time. It was always me and you until Holly came into the picture. And although we are all friends, you are still the most important to me. But I won't call it off Audrey. This may be my one shot with a guy, and not just any guy, but a guy I actually like and not some jerk Holly tries to hook me up with. And you know what?" I just looked at her through glassy eyes as she rejected my feelings. "I'm certain he likes me too. I don't want this to end our friendship, but if you feel it must, then leave." I got up in a daze, dejected. It was the exact opposite of how I felt when I arrived. I was so confident I could manipulate Claire, but she shot me down. What's worse is she now knows my secret. I just have to get to Jack before she does. We both have had one date with him, even if Jack considers ours as practice, it counts to me. When I got home, Jack was working on the washing machine. He looked really good without a shirt on. "Jack, can I ask you a question?" I hopped up on top of the dryer, my feet dangling close to his crotch. What I wouldn't give to be able to tease him with my foot right now. "Anything, just know that counts as your question," Jack grunted as he put the new belt on the washer. He then turned, grabbed a cloth to wipe the sweat off his brow, and looked up at me with those loving brown eyes and smiled. "What does the most awesome girl in the world want to know?" I blushed a little thinking of all the times he called me that to help boost my self-esteem. "I was wondering how your date went?" "Really?" Jack laughed, "I assumed you had already talked to Claire." "I did." "Well then you know I made it to date number two. Thanks for all your advice." "Can I ask a favor of you?" I bit my lower lip, nervous about his reaction to what I want. "First a question and now a favor? You sure are needy today." Jack grabbed my feet and started tickling them. "Hey stop that," I swatted at his hands. "Not fair!" "Okay, okay," Jack patted my feet and then let them go. "So what's this favor?" I shook my head, no longer willing to ask him. "C'mon Audrey, spill it?" I took a deep breath, "I don't want you to see Claire anymore." It came out rushed as I damn near got it out in one syllable. Jack sat there, just staring at me for a minute. I couldn't look at him and my eyes started darting all over the place. "Why?" He finally spoke. "Did something happen between you two?" "No, not really. I'm just not sure I'm comfortable with it anymore, that's all." "I really like her Audrey. We had a great time and I'm certain we could be something in the future. It was nice to go out with a girl for once." Jack put his hand on my thigh. "Do you think you might be willing to try to be okay with it?" "You could go out with me." It was scarcely audible as I barely had the guts to say it. "Is that what this is about?" Jack chuckled, "Don't worry, Audrey, I'll still hang out with you. How about this, every Tuesday will be our day, just you and me. We'll go out, have a good time, and have some brother/sister bonding time. It'll be fun. What do you say?" I gave a weak smile, "Okay." Jack completely misinterpreted what I wanted. Right then, the doorbell rang and I hurried to answer it. Anything to get out of that room. I opened the door and my worst nightmare appeared. "Claire." I didn't hold my disdain from my tone. "So it's like that, huh?" "I guess so." "Oh, well," Claire immediately went into a sing song voice, "I'm not here to see you anyway." "Hey Claire!" Jack called from behind, "I just finished the washer and was going to watch a movie before work. Interested?" "Absolutely," Claire brushed by me as if I wasn't there and pressed herself against my brother. "Mmm, I could get used to you without a shirt on." When she did that, I knew I was at war. Normally I thought I would win easily, but for some reason Claire seemed like a different person when concerning Jack. She normally would fold but when Holly threatened, she asked him out. When I demanded, she fought back. I had to push her beyond her comfort zone. I have to attack with everything I got if I wanted my brother to be mine. My Role Model, My Brother Jack laughed, "I'm a little sweaty. I'll take a quick shower and the two of you can pick the movie." "All right," I interjected and went straight for the rack of movies we had. I picked an older action film I knew Jack loved. I also knew Claire would hate it. Claire sat on the loveseat and I took my normal spot on the couch. "He always sits on the couch with me," I smugly commented. She just rolled her eyes. Jack came down and I smiled until he walked past the couch and sat next to Claire. She gave me a sinister grin as she cuddled into my brother, her hand on his upper thigh and her head on his shoulder. I hit play. "True Lies?" Jack looked at me stunned. "You two don't want to watch something else?" "Nope," I shook my head. "We're watching this. I love this movie and so do you." I exaggerated my feelings toward it. "But," Jack glanced down at Claire. "I don't mind," Claire's eyes narrowed at me and then she smiled as she kissed Jack's cheek. "All right ladies, no more complaints from me," Jack put his arm around Claire and I strangled the pillow hiding between me and the arm of the couch. Throughout the movie, Claire kept making contented noises and playful giggles, forcing my head to turn to watch some flirty move she was doing to Jack. She rubbed his thigh, burrowed her head into his chest, blew in his ear, and kissed his neck. Frustrated, I went to the bathroom. I had to think of something. A-ha! I went into my room and changed into a button down blouse that I didn't button up nearly high enough and some loose fitting shorts, minus my underwear. "I was getting hot," I said as I made a grand display of lying on the couch. I was certain one of my nipples was visible as my right boob was almost falling out of my top. But the best part was when I lifted my leg and bent it at the knee. When Jack looked, he would have an unobstructed view to my most private of areas. Claire gasped which distracted my brother. "Is everything all right?" Jack asked. Claire just nodded her head. Jack shrugged his shoulders and focused on watching the movie again. I waited and pretended to stare at the television as I watched him. His head finally turned toward me and I smiled. His mouth hung open. I stretched my leg upward, effectively spreading my legs for him. I imagine my womanhood opening up as if it were a flower in bloom before letting my leg fall completely to the couch. Needless to say, when the movie finished Jack ran out of the house under the guise of going to work and Claire left with her head held low, knowing she lost the first battle. I was one-step closer to my goal. That weekend was an interesting one. The acts of depravity Claire and I stooped to was obscene. Saturday she groped him and when Jack and I were alone, my bra clasp 'accidentally' broke and I pretended not to notice. Sunday Morning, Claire encouraged Jack to feel her up and that night I mustered the courage to try to one up her. I had my door a quarter of the way open and splayed myself over my bed. I waited impatiently until I heard him coming down the hall after work Sunday night. He would normally go to his room, grab a change of clothes and head to the shower. My door was first. Just the thought already had me worked up. I could hear his footsteps coming closer. "Oh Jack. Mmm. Yeah Jack, right there." I was leaking like Niagara Falls as I rammed myself with two of my fingers. Through the slits of my eyes, I saw a shadow at my door. I inwardly smiled. I was doing it. I was masturbating for my brother. I began to go faster. With my other hand, I furiously attacked my clit. I was surprised at how fast I was going to reach climax. I focused on Jack at my doorway. "Yes Jack. Oh yes!" The waves of pleasure had me in their grasp. In all the stories I've read and all movies I watched, the brother would come running into the room to fuck the sister or at the very least, he would masturbate while he watched. Jack did neither. He just silently closed my door and left. I was so worked up; I tried to finish. I really did. But somehow, I couldn't. No matter what I did, my orgasm eluded me. Damn it, why couldn't Jack stand there for one more minute. Thirty seconds even. Well, at least I got him to see what I could offer. The next day was date night for Claire and Jack. I was prepared to leave before she arrived. I didn't want to go through the despair of that again. Besides, we were out of ice cream. I had just grabbed my purse and had my hand on the door when Jack came from behind. "Where you headed off to?" I didn't really have a destination in mind. After an uncomfortable pause, I blurted out, "The mall. Why? Isn't tonight big date number two?" "It is, but I was hoping to talk to you beforehand." "You look good, Jack. Don't worry so much, she likes you." That is quite evident by the fact she's been here almost every day since date one. "No, it's not that, thanks by the way, but I wanted to talk about your recent behavior towards me." I suppose this was inevitable. "Oh, what do you mean?" I tried to act coy. "Well, let's see. There's your knew outward appearance, you touch me more than ever before, you gave two very public displays of yourself, and you asked me not to see Claire. I may be naïve, I am, but I would swear you were flirting with me." Jack's eyes narrowed and seemed to peer at my very soul. "But you already knew what I meant when I asked, didn't you?" I was caught with my hand in the proverbial cookie jar. I didn't know what to say. A few tears cascaded down my face and more was soon to flow. "What were you hoping to accomplish?" "You," I mumbled. "What was that?" "I love you!" I shouted. "I want you to choose me. I want you to end it with Claire and be with me. You are the perfect man for me and I want us to live as husband and wife." "But we're brother and sister?" "So? Mom already said we could." "Wait, Mom knows about this?" The look on Jack's face was priceless. I gave him a sly smile, "Yeah and she gave me permission." Jack stood there dumbfounded as I embraced him, "Jack, just tell me one thing. If we weren't brother and sister, would you want me?" "Audrey, it's not that easy." Jack's body was beyond tense. "Just answer me. Would you?" I braced myself for a possible harsh truth, unrequited love. "Yes," it was barely audible. "But..." The biggest smile had appeared on my lips and I kissed Jack with a hunger I didn't know I possessed. It took him a couple seconds before he kissed me back. But he did kiss me back! I was so elated. When it broke, I couldn't move and I held Jack tighter. "Then pick me. Get rid of Claire, you don't need her. Pick me." "No. Pick me." Claire demanded from the door. "I am the one you can have a future with. I am the one you can legally marry. And I am the one who wouldn't bare children with eleven toes." She charged through the door and embraced Jack, doing her best to push me out of the way. She then gave him a soulful kiss of her own and he reciprocated. Her voice then went much softer, "I love you Jack. You don't need Audrey, pick me." I forcefully pushed Claire, "He doesn't need you Skank!" Claire shoved me back, "At least I didn't spread my legs for the world to see like you Slut!" "Not the world, just him." I balled a fist and swung. Jack caught my arm and then grabbed Claire with his other. He pulled us into the living room and tossed us onto the couch. "I don't want to hear a peep out of either of you until I'm finished, understood?" Claire and I looked at each other before we both nodded. "You two are best friends. Whenever either of you had a problem, you went to each other, not Holly. I even suspect that when college comes around that you two would still be friends and Holly would drop from the picture." Jack let out a sigh and shook his head. "But that was then. Now the two of you have become enemies, and why? Because of me. I am the reason the two of you abandoned your friendship and have become shadows of your former selves. Claire, I liked you from the first time I met you, and Audrey I will always love you. But my answer for both of you is no. I'll be happy having you as just a friend and you as just a sister. I will not come between the only true friend either of you have. So you two can stay and figure this out while I go out on a date with myself." Jack didn't even look back over his shoulder and promptly walked out the door. We sat there astonished, neither of us unable to move or speak, and our eyes merely stared at the door Jack just vacated. It seemed so surreal. Finally, we looked at each other. "Did he just do that?" Claire shook her head. "Did your brother just leave it up to us on who he goes out with?" "Yes, but that's not how he meant it. Jack did it to protect me...us, our friendship." Tears trickled down my cheek, "I'm sorry Claire. I didn't mean to fight with you. I just love him." Claire embraced me as she began to cry as well. "Audrey, I'm sorry too. I don't know what happened. You are my best friend and I love you. I don't want lose you, but I love him too. Let's talk about this rationally." We talked. And talked. And we talked some more, trying to decipher all our shared feelings for the one man we both love and if our friendship could survive our conflicting emotions. Claire kept throwing the fact Jack is my brother at me and I kept retaliating with I knew him first. I wish I had a better argument, but I was not going to relent. Several hours passed and our frustrations were coming to a boiling point. "C'mon Audrey, just let me have him." Claire sighed, the fight out of both of us. "C'mon Claire," I mocked, "Just let me have him." "Not funny." Claire rubbed her forehead, a clear sign of her agitation. "What are we going to do?" Four years later: Jack had since been promoted to a store manager. He made good money, not that he'd ever be confused for rich by any means, but it did afford us all to live comfortably. Claire and I just graduated college with our bachelor's degrees from nearby State University. Can you believe we're both going to be teachers? Jack ended up being right about Holly. Even though she went to the same college as us, she really got into her sorority and the party scene, two things Claire and I had no interest in. Mom started going to class as well at a trade school. In six months, she'll be a dental assistant. But the gathering we are all attending didn't concern any one of those achievements. "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride." Standing next to Claire, as the maid of honor, I watched as Jack lifted her veil and moved in. He kissed her softly and it was romantic. I couldn't help a twinge of jealousy knowing she is getting something I will never receive. The reception was phenomenal. It was mostly for the immediate families for the bride and groom with a couple of Jack's work colleagues. I danced with both the bride and groom together and separately as we are all still very close. I even made a fool of myself doing the hokey pokey. Soon enough, Jack and Claire went to the hotel suite. I stayed a while longer; being bored as I chatted with a cousin of mine I've only seen maybe three times in my life. I made my way to the hotel suite. It was large. I sat on the couch in the living room, drinking some sparkling wine. I could hear Claire and Jack going absolutely wild. I could tell Claire was about to climax. I certainly heard it enough times to know. Finishing my drink, I went into the bedroom. "Damn Jack, that was amazing!" Claire was lying on her back, still in her dress as Jack had just stopped moving on top of her. "Did my brother satisfy the newly anointed Mrs. Shaw?" I mused as I entered. "Fuck yeah he did." Claire sighed. It still astounds me that the only time Claire swears is when Jack is fucking her. That and when someone wants to break them apart. Jack turned and looked right at me, just like always, and it made my heart melt for the man when he added a warm smile. "You know ladies, I can't think of anything more beautiful than a gorgeous bride on her wedding day and an enchanting five month pregnant sister." "Always the flatterer, I see," I chuckled. "So my dear sweet sister, do you mind if I treat your new husband to his wedding gift now?" "He's all yours, but I'm not getting out of this bed, so you'll have to make do." Claire rolled over to the side, a contented smile on her lips. "Oh, we will. That bed is much bigger than the one the three of us are sharing at home." I sauntered to the bed as Jack stood and engulfed me into his arms, kissing me with passion. "So how's our son doing?" Jack sat back down and ran his hand over my engorged baby bump. "He was kicking all through the wedding. I think it was his way of clapping for his father and his bride." Jack unzipped my dress and it fell to the floor. He leaned forward and began kissing my stomach. He was going to be a while. He loved showering our baby with affection. Slowly, one of his hands moved north and began a feathery caress of my tits. When his touch touched one my sensitive nipples, I moaned. That was his cue. His other hand moved south and applied the same skillful manipulation to my skin. My stomach, my mound, and then down and around my thighs, his fingers were driving me toward insanity. Finally, he came back to my now needy pussy. He stroked the lips with deft precision while his thumb brushed against my pearl. My breath labored with anticipation. "Please..." Jack smiled. He knew what he was doing to me. His insertion of two fingers caused me to shudder with a small orgasm. I was so built up. I rocked against his hand as he began to make love to me with his fingers. It was divine. His thumb had increased its pressure on my clit and I moaned out in a full orgasm. I felt my fluids gush and Jack had to catch me as my ecstasy left me week kneed. He held me tight in a warm embrace. I kissed him. He deserved at least that for playing my body like an instrument. I grinned, "I'm ready." I placed myself on all fours on the bed and Jack lined up behind me. It was the best position with me being pregnant. He slid in easily. My eyes clenched and my voice uncontrollably let out something inarticulate. My hormones were working overdrive as I was already seeing stars. Jack began to seesaw into me. With each penetration, I was in heaven. I pushed back to get him deeper, and we developed a rhythm. I glanced over and saw Claire watching us. She really had a fetish for watching my brother and I have sex. She had stripped out of her dress and was now lightly masturbating herself. I was used to it by now and even if I wasn't, my brother's next plunge brought my attention back to his ministrations as he hit me just right and I voiced my approval. "Yes, Jack. Right there." It was an onslaught. That is the only way to describe what he did next. He continually hit my g-spot but he also moved one hand around and toyed with my clit while the other one wrapped around and mauled my breasts. I felt my orgasm starting at my toes and I knew it was going to be huge. The euphoria grew to my legs and arms with the next thrust. My sex was leaking like a sieve and I felt him swell. On his next drive, he drove me to the Promised Land. With his cock buried completely in my saturated cunt, he let loose a torrent inside me and my pussy grappled to its pleasure-causing intruder ensuring the pulling of his manhood as deep into my abyss as possible. My wail was fierce and it echoed in the room. My arms gave out and my body lurched forward. Despite Jack being in a state of coital bliss himself, he had the sense to catch me again and allow me to slide onto my side. I soon felt his body heat behind me and I rolled over to cuddle with my shared lover. My hand bumped Claire's as I went to place it on his chest and we both moved only an inch away from each other. I love my brother, more than any sister should. And he loves me. I also love my best friend and I am truly grateful that Jack forced us to stay friends. We are a family, now and forever. And though I am jealous of never being able to marry the man I love, I am proud to say I will be the first to bare him a child.