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Lost and Found Ch. 01

By: wordsinthedust



A note from the Author:

It may well appear this story is a little slow getting out of the blocks. That's intentional.

Please... be patient... keep reading... your steadfastness and commitment to the story will be rewarded...



Seven years ago. Late September. I'm walking out of the bookstore, just like I do every Friday afternoon.

If she hadn't said something, if she hadn't grabbed my arm, I'd have walked right by her, probably without even looking.

But she did; she grabbed my arm and spoke to me to get my attention.

"Excuse me, sir, but can you help me? Please?"

I stopped walking and turned to look at her. And I stopped breathing. Literally.

Standing next to me, still holding my arm was a young girl, maybe eighteen years old; nineteen tops; honey blonde hair pulled back in a pony-tail, and soft blue eyes. I glanced down and up quickly; a t-shirt tailored for a girl's body suggesting she might be a student at the local college and snug denim shorts; she was a sight to behold, delicately defined features, trim and slender, yet shapely.

I thought I'd stepped more than twenty years into the past, because she looked exactly like my ex-wife Beth. At least, this was how Beth had looked when we first met.

Two decades and change later, I was looking at a vision I was at a loss to describe.

"I'm sorry, what?" Maybe if she repeated the question.

"Can you help me? Please?"

I looked around, for what I did not know.

"I... uh... what kind of help do you need?"

"My car's dead. It won't start at all."

"Ummm, well..."

"I'm a student at the university," she said. "I tried calling my roommate, and she's not answering her phone."

"Uh, okay..."

"And I don't really know a lot of people here. I'm a long way from home."

"Okay. Ummm... where are you parked?"

"Over here." She spun on her heels and led the way to her car.

It wasn't new, but it wasn't an old car, either. A small, two-door coupe, dark blue, a sticker advertising a radio station that played the best of the oldies, and out-of-state plates.

"What's your name?"

"Kasey. With a 'K'."

"Well, Kasey with a 'K', you are a long way from home," I said. "My name is Bruce. Pop the hood and let me take a look."

"Nearly four hundred miles one way," she said, unlocking her door. 

I watched as she bent over and pulled the hood latch. Her shirt slid up over the back of her shorts, baring her lower back; the shorts hugged her ass like a second skin. 

The hood lurched upward, retained after a couple of inches by a secondary latch. I moved around the front of the car and raised it.

Finding the problem should be easy enough, I thought to myself. This was one of the cleanest engines I'd ever seen outside a showroom.

"Who usually works on this for you? It looks to be very well maintained."

"My step-dad," she said.

"Well..." Clean was good, made it easier to inspect. I'm no mechanic, but I couldn't see anything loose. I tugged on the battery cables. Snug. Battery... almost new, showing a green light in its status window. Good. Belts. Snug. I couldn't see any reason why the engine shouldn't turn over.

"Try and crank it," I said.

She slid behind the wheel. A clatter of metal as she lined her keys up with the ignition switch. 

A click. Nothing more.

Clearly, a professional opinion was in order.

"See? Nothing." She closed her car door and walked to the front bumper. "What now?"

I had my cell phone out.

"Steve? Yeah, it's Bruce. Listen, I know you guys are closed for the night, but I've got a problem here... No, not my car. There's a young lady here from the university; her car won't start... I've looked under the hood, and everything looks good and tight, but it won't even turn over... how about we get it towed and you look at it in the morning? Great... let me give you the address here."

I hung up a minute later. The young lady standing next to me looked suddenly uncomfortable.

"I don't have the money to pay for a tow or a mechanic," she said, folding her arms across her chest.

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it. Steve's a good friend of mine. I've known him for years. I'll take care of the tow and we'll worry about the repair fee after we find out what's wrong. Okay?"

"Okay."

I told her I'd wait with her for the tow truck. We'd leave the key in it, Steve would look at it tomorrow, Saturday, and with any luck, she'd be back behind the wheel by the late Saturday afternoon, if not sooner. Fifteen minutes later, we watched her car disappear, front wheels raised off the ground as it headed to the repair shop.

"So, since your roommate hasn't called you back, I take it you need a ride back to your apartment?"

"I'm in the dorms," she said. "I'm just a freshman. But, yes, sir, I could use a ride."

"Okay. Could I talk you into dinner first? Or do you have a date tonight?"

"Dinner?" Her eyes went wide. "You want to take me to dinner? I'm not really dressed for that."

"You're fine," I said. "Listen, the last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. But I remember what it was like as a freshman, with and without a car. Dorm food isn't the greatest all the time, and money's tight."

"You have no idea." She rolled her eyes and looked away from me.

"When I was going to college, and it wasn't that long ago," I said, "we never turned down a free meal."

"Mom says there's no such thing as a free meal. Everything has a price."

"Your mother sounds like a very smart woman, but in this case, she'd be wrong. Let me buy you dinner, you can tell me about yourself, and I'll take you back to your dorm.

Kasey stood looking at me, gently twisting on her feet, biting at her lip.

"What about your wife? Shouldn't you be going home to her?" Kasey looked down at my hand.

"I'm not married," I said. "And I don't have a girlfriend, either." She was still weighing it in her mind. "You have to eat. And from the sounds of things, if you go back to the dorm, you'd eat alone anyway. If you let me take you to dinner, we'll both have somebody to talk to. And if your roommate calls, she can come and get you, or if you'd prefer, I can take you back. It's completely up to you."

"Okay. You can buy me dinner."

A few minutes later, we sat at a table in the corner at one of the local Mexican restaurants, eating chips and waiting for our food. In between dipping chips into the salsa, Kasey began to open up and talk about herself.

"I'm still not sure what I want to major in," she said, "but I worked really hard in high school. I graduated with twelve college credits and managed to get a bunch of grants and scholarships."

"Sounds like you worked really hard," I said.

"I worked my butt off," Kasey said, her eyes going wide as she realized what she'd said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say..."

I shook my head. "That's okay. Sometimes we put out a lot of effort without a lot of recognition."

"I wish mom saw it that way."

"Your mother doesn't think you work hard at school?"

Kasey shook her head. "It's not that. It's..." She took a deep breath. "Mom doesn't want me going to school here. She thinks I should've stayed closer to home.

"But a lot of the scholarships I received are for here. And this is the school I want to go to."

"I see. Well, I'm sure when she sees a great first semester report card that..."

"I'm on my own now," Kasey said. "My report card won't matter to her because she won't see it."

"What do you mean, you're on your own?"

"She told me that if I went to school here, I'd really have to work hard because she wouldn't pay for anything."

"That's too bad. What about your dad?" She'd mentioned her step-dad earlier. I assumed he and her mother were still together. Maybe her father could step in and...

"I... I haven't seen him in years," she said. "I don't even remember him, really. He walked out on mom and me when I was really little. We haven't heard from him since. I can't count on him for anything, assuming he's still alive."

"Wow. I'm sorry to hear that. That's unfortunate."

Kasey shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

A few minutes later, we pretty well abandoned conversation for the plates in front of us as they steamed. 

After dinner, we got back in the car and headed for the college campus.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked. "Really? Why are you being so nice to me?"

I looked over at her.

"I have a daughter about your age."

Kasey looked at me, a stunned expression on her face.

"You... you have a daughter my age?" She asked in a manner that almost intimated she thought she was the only freshman girl attending college anywhere.

I nodded.

"I'm not married now," I said, "but I was several years ago."

"What happened? I mean, if you don't mind me asking."

"The company I work for, when I started with them, I traveled a great deal. I was gone all the time. My wife didn't like me being on the road so much, but there wasn't really anything I could do about it. Anyway, I came home from one of my trips and she was gone. She'd packed up everything she owned and moved out, taking our daughter with her."

Kasey's mouth fell open.

"She just left? And took your daughter with her?"

I nodded.

"She left a note that said she was gone, she wasn't coming back, she had our daughter, and that I shouldn't try to find them."

"So you didn't even look for them?"

"Oh, I looked for them. Initially, I had no idea where to start, but I gave it a shot anyway. Trying to track her down was like throwing darts at a map of the southwestern United States. Oklahoma City, Colorado Springs, Phoenix, Denver. I was always one or two steps behind. Last I knew, she went to Reno."

"So, she went to Reno. Then what?"

"She vanished." I looked over at Kasey. "Without a trace. It was like she just walked into a hole and disappeared. My little girl was almost three when she left; she'd be about your age now."

"So, what? You gave up looking?"

"I had nowhere else to look. About the time she was in Phoenix, I received divorce papers. Kind of hard to process given the nomadic status of her whereabouts. Finally, after she vanished in Reno, I filed for divorce. It finalized almost four years to the day after she disappeared."

"What did you use as justification?"

"Abandonment. The judge told me if I could ever catch her in one spot long enough, I could sue for custody, but I could never find her."

"What about child support?"

I shrugged. "There was nowhere to send it, and she never asked for any. So, I started setting money aside in case I ever found her."

"You did?"

"Yeah. My little girl, like I said, is about your age. All things being equal, she'd be a freshman in college. And if she needed the money to go to school, I've got it sitting in an account waiting on her."

Kasey slumped back into the seat.

"That still doesn't tell me why you're being so nice to me."

We pulled up in front of her dorm.

"Somewhere, my daughter has grown up without me. I like to imagine that she's grown up to be a beautiful, wonderful young lady, achieving her goals and fulfilling her dreams. The realist in me knows it's not that easy, and I like to think that if she's ever off on her own, in need of assistance, that someone will show kindness to her without expecting anything in return."

Kasey looked at me.

"Give me your hand."

I held my hand out to her as she fished around in her purse before pulling out a pen. She grabbed my hand and rolled it over, palm up and began writing numbers.

"What...?"

"That is my cell phone number," she said. "I have to work tomorrow; I do work-study at the library. But I'm off at four in the afternoon, so could you call me around four-thirty and let me know how much it's going to cost to fix my car?"

"I can do that."

"Thank you." She was still holding onto my hand. 

"You're welcome."

Kasey leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

"I'll be waiting for you to call," she said as she climbed out of my car.

I nodded to her as she turned and walked up the steps and into her dorm. A number of students, her peers, followed her up the stairs with their eyes, and then focused back on me as I drove away.

Later, when I was at home, I sat in the bedroom I used as an office. I sat in the desk chair staring at the framed black and white photo in front of me. It was a reminder of a different time not so long ago. 

Photography had once been an intense hobby of mine. I'd owned three different 35mm cameras; one of them I'd used almost exclusively for black and white photography. Black and white film allowed you to get a completely different texture with your pictures; images were often sharper, clearer. And you often got shades of gray that no color photograph could ever come near.

It was a small photograph, all things considered; about four inches by six inches. Three faces stared at me from the frame. My ex-wife, then much younger, much happier. I stared at a much younger version of myself, too. And in the picture, I held a very young little girl in my arms, a toddler. Kimmy was two and a half when my sister had snapped the shutter taking this picture. It was the last photo of the three of us together. It was one of the last pictures I had taken of her before she and her mother vanished.

I sat back in the chair and dispelled myself of the most impossible of notions. There was no way Kasey could in fact be Kimmy.

Across town, in her dorm room, Kasey lay in her bed, propped up on an elbow, her eyes focused on a black and white photo, nearly four by six. Her roommate, Stacy, walked in and Kasey shoved the photo under the covers.

"What's this I hear about you going out with some old guy tonight?"

"I didn't go out with him," Kasey said. "My car died and he brought me back to the dorm."

"Why didn't you call me?" Stacy asked.

"I figured you were probably on a date with Wes. I didn't want to bother you."

Stacy rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"You are far too trusting, Kase. You've gotta be more careful. He didn't try anything, did he, this guy that gave you a ride back?"

"He's not like that," Kasey said. She started to tell her roommate she'd gone to dinner with Bruce, but decided against it. It would give rise to too many questions. "He's a nice guy."

"Brad asked about you again," Stacy said.

"He can keep asking."

"He's super cute, Kase."

"If you think he's so cute, you go out with him." Kasey pulled up the covers and rolled over, away from her roommate, pulling the picture with her.

"All I'm saying, is, we're all a little homesick, and we've all done a few crazy things since we got here. I don't want to see you get into any trouble. Okay?"

"Yeah. Right. Okay."

A moment later, Stacy stepped back out into the hall, a towel wrapped around her as she headed for the shower. 

Kasey pulled the photo from under the covers and held it in front of her. In the picture, there were three people; a very pretty young woman, a handsome young man, and in the man's arms, a toddler, a little girl. The woman was Kasey's mother; the man holding her was her father. That's what her mother had said. Kasey knew she'd been about two and a half when the picture had been taken. Up until tonight, she'd... was hate the right word? Was that what she'd felt for the man? 

But now, things weren't so clear. Daddy was smiling in the picture. And after nearly sixteen years, he hadn't changed that much. Had he? He was still quite handsome. Just like in the photograph.

Kasey put the photograph under her pillow, rolled over against the wall and let the pillow soak up her tears as she cried herself to sleep.


Please, leave feedback and comments... they're always welcome... 

Lost and Found Ch. 01



Author's Note: This story is not meant for those wanting a quick erotic read. It is long. It is a love story. It is a tragedy. Love it, or hate it, but either way I hope you enjoy the journey. I know the journey has been eye-opening for me as the story evolved into what it is. 

*

I froze in mid-step. My pulse crashed in my ears as I hovered in time, caught by the question that paralyzed me: Could it be her? 

During the first year after she left, I had seen her face everywhere even though I knew it was impossible, with her on the other side of the country. But after four years without her, I had rid myself of the phantoms I used to see. I had finally put her memories aside and decided that life was still worth living. At least I thought I had.

The figure turned slightly and tossed her head back in laughter, and I caught sight of the dimples that had always melted my heart; the same heart that was now ripping apart at the seams. I agonized momentarily over my next action. Part of me wanted to run to her, throw my arms around her, and tell her how much I'd missed her. The more rational side of me wanted to run away before she spotted me. I finally decided upon the less painful option and turned to leave the park.

"Rachel?" Oh, God, she saw me. Maybe I can pretend I didn't hear her. "Hey, Rach! Wait up!" I took a deep breath to steady the shaking in my limbs and turned around to face the one person I thought I'd never see again.

She was jogging up to me with a look on her face that was too easy to read. But then, it had always been easy for me to read her emotions -- like second nature right from the beginning. It took me all of a second to tell even through the smile on her face that she was just as torn about this chance meeting as I. She stopped in front of me and looked me over for a moment before speaking.

"Running away?" She smiled knowingly. I couldn't help but smile softly back.

"Well, it seemed like the safest thing to do," I replied. She chuckled quietly and shook her head, as if she were almost surprised that she still knew me so well. I took another deep breath that ended in an involuntary sigh. "Hi," I greeted her simply.

"Hi," she returned. We stared at each other for a few moments without saying anything. I struggled through the rush of emotions and confusion in my mind to think of something I could safely verbalize. Somewhere in the back of my mind I marveled vaguely that there was no awkwardness between us, even as we stood there in silence after four years apart. The complete vulnerability that we had always shared had snapped back into place so quickly it made my head spin. Not that it matters. Don't get any ideas, Rachel. Nothing has changed. "How are you," she asked quietly. The question ran so much deeper than the actual words.

"I'm...okay," I answered honestly. "You?"

She smiled again, flashing her dimples briefly. "I'm okay too." Again I wondered at how much we communicated without words. It would be so easy to slip back into that comfortable place and enjoy the emotional intimacy that I had only ever found with her, but I knew to do so would only cause me pain in the end. I struggled to quickly throw up some kind of defense around my heart, but I found myself laughing instead as I realized she was doing the same thing -- I could see it in her face.

"Oh my God, this is insane," I summarized, and she laughed with me for a moment, nodding in agreement. I ran my hand through my hair, and decided that struggling was futile. "What are you doing here, Amber? Aren't you living in California?"

"Yeah," she answered, "I'm still living there. I'm here for a few weeks visiting family. I brought Jeremiah," she motioned over toward the merry-go-round where a young boy was running around enthusiastically. I felt my eyes get wide at the sight of the eight-year-old child that had still been a toddler when I'd last seen him.

"Wow, he's so big," I exclaimed, a pang in my heart. Even though Jeremiah was Amber's son, I had loved him almost as if he were my own for nearly two years of my life. I immediately wanted to scoop him up into my arms and hold him, but his attachment to me was part of the reason she'd left anyhow. I stared longingly at the child who had called me Aunt Rachie just a few years ago and wondered if he'd remember me.

"He still asks me if he's going to get to see you every time we visit Ohio," Amber stated softly. Of course she'd answer my unspoken question. Oh, my heart was going to ache for days after all this! I knew it. But I figured the damage had already been done, and I might as well indulge myself a little.

"What do you tell him," I inquired timidly.

Amber sighed softly before answering, "I just tell him not this time and pray we don't run into you anywhere."

I grinned at my old soul mate playfully. "Didn't work this time, eh?" She grinned back at me and shrugged her shoulders in response. "Well Amber, you didn't have to call me over, you know. I was just going to quietly slip away. Why didn't you just let me go?"

"I don't know," she frowned. As my eyes searched hers, however, I found the answer written there: the desire, no, the need to be with me, no matter how brief the length of time, was too much to resist. All the resolve of the last four years was melting away with that needy look in her eyes. I almost choked on the lump forming in my throat. My fingers itched to touch her, and I searched desperately for a reason to. Finally I spotted a wayward strand of hair dangling over her brow. I reached out one hand and gently brushed it back with my fingertips.

"I like how you do your hair now," I nearly whispered, my words thick. My fingers came to rest on her soft cheek. Her wide gaze slowly traveled down to my lips, where it hovered momentarily before returning to my eyes. Yes, I needed to feel her lips against mine just one last time, to feel them fill me up with that inner peace and fulfillment that I felt only when kissing the woman I still loved with all of my heart and soul. I leaned toward Amber slightly and felt her tremble with anticipation, her breath erratic.

"OUCH!!" The yell from the playground halted my actions. My hand dropped to my side as Amber raced over to her son, who was now yelling about a bee that had stung him. My first instinct was to hurry over to help, but I was afraid of what it would mean for Amber if Jeremiah recognized me and mentioned it to his father later. Instead I stood there and half-watched as she removed the stinger from Jeremiah's arm, then bandaged the wound, explaining to him that the bee was protecting itself and its home. As always, I admired her and how she handled her child. She had once told me she wanted to be the kind of mother she wished she could have had. Even now, four years later, she was still just as patient and brilliant with Jeremiah as she ever was.

A few minutes later, when Jeremiah went back to playing and Amber walked back toward me, I relayed my thoughts about her mothering skills. "Well," she responded, smiling, "it's not always easy but I do my best." Her smile faded and she looked at me sadly. "Matt is a good father, but he's been so controlling over us. This is the first time he has let me come home without him since we moved." I nodded solemnly.

"Is he still angry with you for everything," I asked.

"Sort of. It took him almost a year to be able to touch me after that." I felt a shade of jealousy touch me at the thought of Amber being intimate with her husband. Ironic? Perhaps, but it was what it was. I felt a question arising to my lips that I was almost afraid to ask.

"Are you happy?" Amber fidgeted uncomfortably while she pondered my question.

"Jeremiah is doing great, and he's happy to be with both his mother and his father. That makes me happy." I nodded. I didn't need to hear more to complete the situation in my head. As always with Amber, what was left unsaid was just as understood as what was spoken. I felt a deep ache in my chest. Amber may have been thinking of what was best for her son, but doing so put her in a life of isolation and loneliness. There was no one in California that understood her like I did. And no one ever would. Apart, we were both destined to always be two broken halves of a whole.

I gazed sadly at my old lover, wishing desperately for the thousandth time that there were some way to repair this broken situation. I thought of the last four years of hardening my heart against the pain of losing my best friend and soul mate, and realized that all the barriers I had constructed had crumbled in the last fifteen minutes. The pain and tears that would follow this conversation would be unbearable. That thought alone caused my eyes to prick, and I decided to take my leave then instead of dragging out the torture. "I need to get going. I promised a friend I would meet her for lunch today and I'm running late," I lied. "I hope you enjoy your weeks home, Amber." I turned to bolt.

"Wait! Rach! I was wondering..." She paused as I faced her again. "Umm," she hesitated. "Listen, if you aren't too busy, do you want to get dinner later? Jeremiah is staying with his cousin for the night, and I don't really have anything to do, so..." Her sentence trailed off as I contemplated her request. I knew in my mind that seeing Amber again was the set-up for a disaster. The question now was whether I was willing to risk overwhelming amounts of heartache for both myself and Amber in order to spend a little more time with her. Thanks for the dilemma, Love. 

Except there really was no dilemma. Any opportunity to spend time with Amber was not something I could pass up. Like an addict, the temptation to have my fix proved stronger than my own will.

"Five-thirty at the usual place?" She smiled softly.

"I'll be there."

When I was introduced to Amber those years ago, I knew almost immediately that something special was about to happen. We met when I was hired in to the small-town hospital where I still worked as an IV therapist. My boss was leading me around the building, showing me the supply rooms and introducing me to the staff. I was bubbling with excitement over my first "career" job, and I was eager to befriend the people I would be working with. 

As we rounded the front of the building, my boss began introducing me to the receptionists. When I shook hands with the bubbly "Amber Roberts," I noticed several things about her: She was pretty, with shoulder length brown hair, blue eyes, and an adorable smile that was infectious. But the thing that caught my attention was that the smile, warming as it was, didn't quite reach her eyes. I was immediately intrigued, because I recognized the similarities between us. Like me, she was hiding from the world behind a smile, and I felt an instant connection because of that. Later that day, when I took my lunch break, I was reading a novel in the break room when she walked up to my table.

"Mind if I sit here," she asked politely. She joined me and we spent the next twenty minutes talking. Right from the start, talking came so easy. I found her to be charming and sweet, one of the nicest people I think I had ever met. During the weeks that followed we ate lunch together almost every day, laughing and joking most of the time. Gradually I began to see smiles that actually reached her eyes.

One day she walked into the break room, sat down with me, and greeted me like normal, but something was different. I don't know how I could tell, but something was really bothering her that day. "Amber," I questioned hesitantly, "are you okay?" She froze momentarily behind the smile that was wavering slightly on her face.

"Yeah I'm fine," she replied after a beat. Lying. In my experience when a person lied about being upset, they either really want to be left alone, or they secretly want to be drawn out of their shell. If she wanted to be left alone, questioning further would make her angry and distrustful of me; however, if she wanted to be drawn out, dropping the subject would make her feel like I didn't care. For some reason, I just knew this girl needed some prodding to open up.

"You don't look fine. You look like you're hurting," I stated quietly. At that her eyes began to well up with tears. She shook her head and fixed the smile back onto her face.

"Some days are just harder than others, that's all." 

I gazed at her and tried to see beyond that smile into her eyes, but she dropped her gaze to her food and refused to look at me. I understood perfectly: she wanted to open up to me, but she had a hard time trusting people. We were a lot more alike than she knew, and I made it my goal to earn her trust. I smiled and stated, "Well I recognize a dodge when I see one. But just so you know, if you want someone to talk to, I'm here." After that declaration I promptly changed the subject, and by the end of that lunch I had her smiling for real again. But as we parted ways, she looked at me in a way that was surprisingly candid for the first time. She looked into my eyes for a few moments curiously, perhaps looking for something there.

Finally, she spoke. "Thanks." I heard so much in that one word: thanks for caring, for being there, for making me smile, for knowing when to drop it, for making me feel better. I smiled gently at her and replied to all of it, spoken and unspoken.

"You're welcome."

It was only about a month later that we decided to go dancing at a local club after work. Her baby boy was staying the weekend at his grandma's house and I thought it would be fun for her to relax and have some fun for once. That night we dressed up and partied late into the night, consuming enough alcohol that driving was impossible for either of us. Since her apartment was within walking distance, she offered to let me spend the night. After changing into some borrowed pajamas, with some drunken difficulty I might add, we settled down into her bed for the night.

"I should warn you," I slurred as we made ourselves comfortable, "I have a cuddling problem." She giggled at that.

"What do you mean?"

"Well ever since I was little, every time I sleep in the same bed as someone else I gravitate over to their side of the bed." I giggled a little myself. "I really can't help it, but I will try my hardest not to. I just figured you should know what you're getting into sleeping next to me."

She giggled loudly for a few seconds before responding. "That is awesome! I love to cuddle!"

To this day I don't know if it was the booze or just the natural comfort we had together, but we found ourselves cuddling together within minutes of my confession. Not just any cuddling either, but almost intimate cuddling. Face-to-face, nose-to-nose, wrapped up in each other's arms and legs; I had never been that close to anyone I hadn't just had sex with, and I sure as hell had never been that close to a woman before. Still, it felt so natural and comfortable that there was no awkwardness between us. 

We began to talk about everything and nothing, and hours passed as we shared our life's stories with each other. She told me about her childhood and her family, explaining how it came to be that she shut out most people from knowing the true person inside. She explained how her husband of three years had a warrant out for his arrest for drug peddling and had fled to California to escape prison, leaving her alone with their two-year-old son. I talked about growing up in a broken home and my own trust issues. We both discussed how frightening and exhilarating it was to connect so naturally with each other, as if we'd known each other our whole lives.

When we finally drifted off to sleep, her fingers were still tangled in my hair, her forehead was still pressed against mine, and my arm was still wrapped around her middle, holding her close to me.

Time was not moving fast enough for my liking. I had finished all the errands that I had planned for my day off and it was still only 1:30 in the afternoon. Too soon to start getting ready for my dinner with Amber later, I decided to take a pre-shower bath just to help myself relax. After pouring a generous amount of bubble bath into the steamy water, I slipped into the tub and tried to calm my jittery nerves. My thoughts kept hounding me, however, and I found it difficult to sit still. I grabbed my shaving cream and razor and began to meticulously remove every strand of hair from my legs. As I shaved my upper thighs I wondered briefly if I should finish my hair removal ritual and shave between my legs as well. Might as well, I decided, just in case.

In case? In case of what? I felt a slight amount of panic creep into my core, but it was quickly consumed by the sudden onslaught of desire and need that overcame me. I knew that I shouldn't hope for Amber to stay with me tonight, that I shouldn't hope that after four years of running from me, she would give in. I knew it, but I couldn't stop myself. My fingers yearned to feel her smooth skin, my lips starving to feel her warmth, my pussy aching for the release of her touch. As I finished shaving, I let my mind wander back through time.

I would never forget the night that everything changed between Amber and I.

After the night where we first cuddled and opened up to each other, Amber and I began to spend a lot of time together outside of work. It wasn't long before we were calling each other our "best friend" and spending two or three nights a week together. We always slept in the same bed on these nights, and we would always fall asleep and wake up in each other's arms. I think we both understood that to anyone else it would seem unusual, but to us it was just second nature. There was nothing perverse or sexual about our cuddling; it was always just a physical expression of the emotional intimacy we felt.

Like everything else about our relationship, the transformation happened so naturally it was hard to tell when and where the change began. It was on a night like countless others; I was snuggled up next to Amber, my fingers tracing lazy circles in her hair, her nose gently touching mine. I was on the verge of slumber when she moved her head slightly, brushing her lips against mine in the process. In my half-consciousness, I puckered my lips and kissed her lightly without thinking about what I was doing. I might have drifted off into sleep right then if it hadn't suddenly dawned on me that she had kissed me back.

My eyes flew open to find her staring at me, a look of startled confusion on her face. Unsure of what to say, I uttered the first word that came to my mind, "Oops."

"Sorry," she said at the same time.

"Wait, what are you sorry for," I asked, confused. "I'm the one that did it."

"No," she replied, "I did it...didn't I?" We both fell into silence, suddenly very unsure of what had just happened.

"I guess...we both did it," I questioned tentatively. She stared at me for a few moments.

"Well, what's wrong with that? I mean, we're friends and we're close. Uh, it's only natural to want to express our, um, affection, right?" Her attempt to rationalize our kiss made me smile, mostly because I was searching desperately for an explanation too. My smile broke the slight tension and we both started laughing.

"Right," I said. "There's nothing wrong with a friendly kiss, although I doubt anyone else would agree with that one, Amber." I rolled my eyes teasingly.

"Well, we were both half-asleep. It just...happened," she theorized. I frowned for a moment. I might have agreed with her were it not for the thought being whispered in the back of my mind. Kiss her again. "What," she inquired, noticing the look on my face. I looked into her eyes and wondered if I dared to say what I was thinking. I gathered my courage and spoke.

"Amber," I began, "I...Can I kiss you? Like, awake this time?" By the time I finished my request I was almost speaking at a whisper. For the first time in a long time, I couldn't read the expression on Amber's face. I waited for some kind of rejection that I was sure was coming. But then she moved the hand that was resting on my side up to my cheek and brushed her fingers lightly against it.




Lost and Found Ch. 01



"Yes, please," she breathed. 

My heart thudded in my chest as I leaned forward just enough to lightly touch my lips to hers. The kiss that followed was life altering, to say the least. Amber's lips were soft, warm, and intoxicating. I could sense all of her emotions flowing through them into me, and it felt like the barrier that separated her and I into separate people disappeared. My head spun with the deliciousness of our intimacy, and deep inside my chest, a smoldering warmth began to fill me. It was as if she had poured liquid iron over my heart, forever claiming it in her name and effectively locking out anyone else who would ever try to steal it.

When we reluctantly pulled apart, there was a look on Amber's face that most likely mirrored my own, although to put it into words would be impossible. Of course, that didn't stop Amber from trying. "Holy shit," she proclaimed seriously. 

I couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled out from my chest. "Yep, that's pretty much the best way to describe it!" She joined in the laughter and soon both our eyes were watering. 

Amber sighed and placed her hand on my lips. "Shh," she whispered, silencing me. Then she kissed me again, wrapping her hand around the back of my head to pull me close to her. My breath caught in my chest, and I nearly gasped as her tongue softly parted my lips. We explored each other's mouths for a few minutes, losing ourselves in the sensations we gave and received. Our tongues softly danced together as we forgot that anything else existed but each other. I felt a ball of burning desire start to build in the pit of my stomach, and I placed my hand in the small of her back, drawing her closer to me. The tempo of our kisses began to increase, and soon we found our bodies pressed together in our attempt to eliminate any remaining space between us.

We kissed passionately for a moment, our breaths ragged. I nudged her hip with one hand, and she rolled over onto her back, wordlessly obeying my silent command. I moved above her and ran one hand from her neck down between her breasts and across her stomach. Her body arched in response, and she whimpered in pleasure.

I think it was in that moment that I finally understood the true difference between having sex and making love. I could feel my body beginning to flush and the need for release beginning to arise, but all that didn't matter nearly as much as that whimper my Amber made when I stroked her body. In that instant all I wanted was to take my best friend on a journey through physical pleasure beyond her wildest dreams.

I pulled her upright and kissed her neck softly as my fingers slid along her waistline. I found the hem of her camisole and lifted it slowly, pressing my fingertips into the soft skin of her sides. She moaned and raised her arms, allowing me to slip the shirt off her head. She then grasped my head, pulled my lips to hers, and kissed me so intensely that my heart literally skipped a beat. As she pulled away, she caught my bottom lip in between her teeth and bit gently, causing me to gasp with pleasure. She leaned back on the bed on one elbow and gave me a rather smug look. There, she was saying, I know how to make you feel so good you can't breathe.

I cocked one eyebrow at her and gave her my best Is-That-A-Challenge face. She grinned in response, and for a moment I remember wondering if we were telepathic. But then her hands were tugging at my t-shirt as she pulled it from my body, and the thought was lost. I devoted the next minute or so to kissing and nibbling her chest and stomach, her body writhing underneath my lips, her fingers tangled in my hair. My fingers found the waist of her pajama pants, and I slid them slowly down her hips and legs. Her legs were gorgeous, so I lifted one of them and propped it up on my shoulder. I put my lips to her ankle and took my time working them up her leg. She watched me, smiling, her eyes half-closed as she enjoyed the attention I showed her calf. As my lips neared her knee, I dragged my fingernails down the inside of her thigh, making her breath catch sharply.

She sat up and brought her lips to mine again, wrapping her arms around my torso and holding me close. She pulled her face back only an inch from mine and said, "I've never done anything with another woman before, Rach."

"Me either," I admitted.

"Are you nervous," she asked curiously. I thought for a second then shook my head. As strange as it was, being with Amber felt so natural, so right, I honestly wondered why I had never wanted this before. "Neither am I," she stated. We kissed again. She pressed against my body and I lay down on the bed, never breaking the contact of her kiss. Her fingers wandered from my stomach to my chest, where she cupped my bra for a moment before returning to my stomach again. She moved her lips to my throat, kissing and nibbling there while her fingers found a grip on my shorts. She sat up and I raised my bottom as she pulled the shorts off, leaving us both in nothing but bras and panties.

Amber ran her hands up along the outsides of my legs, across the top of my thighs, then back down the insides of my legs to my calves. She chewed on her lower lip for a moment, then looked me in the eyes and quietly commanded me to roll over. Amused, I obeyed and lay on my stomach, wondering what she had planned. I felt her fingers trail down the back of my legs as she moved herself in between them. She pulled her hands away, and I waited for a moment for her to touch me again, but felt nothing. Suddenly her warm mouth was on that place where my leg meets the cheek of my ass in the back and I shuddered in pleasure. She kissed my ass cheek up a little higher a few more times before planting a sensual kiss in the small of my back.

Her lips moved slowly up the center of my back, and I moaned, melting into the waves of pleasure she gave me. She halted just long enough to unsnap my bra before kissing right between my shoulder blades and up the back of my neck, brushing my hair to one side with her fingers. I stifled a giggle when her lips touched the sensitive part of my neck that kind of tickled, but then I was squirming underneath her as she teased my earlobe with her lips and tongue. I had never known that this kind of pleasure could exist; I lost myself in it momentarily, my fingers digging into the fabric of her bedding, my breath stopping altogether for an uncertain amount of time. Then she kissed that spot on my neck again once before biting me there, which caused me to moan uncontrollably. I had never been so turned on in my life.

She chuckled next to my ear, apparently pleased with my enjoyment of her attention to my body. I turned my head and arched backward to reach her lips with mine, my breaths heavy and ragged. She kissed me passionately and ran her fingers across the front of my panties, brushing my clit through the material. I lost control with that touch. I sat up and quickly unsnapped her bra, removed it, and pushed her down onto the mattress all in the same movement.

Grabbing her wrists, I moved her arms above her head and pinned them there with my hands. I then kissed right between her breasts, making her gasp. My lips found the underside of one breast, and I kissed and teased her mercilessly. Slowly I dragged my tongue up her breast and stopped just short of her nipple. After a moment's pause I stretched my tongue out and flicked her nipple with it, and she grunted in response, panting heavily. I blew softly on the now slightly wet nipple, knowing that the coldness would make it tingle. "Oh God," she exclaimed as her body bucked underneath me. She half-tried to wrestle her arms out from my grip, but I held tight and refused to free her arms. Using my tongue, I circled her nipple twice without actually touching it before engulfing it in my mouth.

Her body thrashed underneath mine, and for a moment I almost lost my grip on her arms. I bit her nipple gently once before moving my lips next to hers, where we both panted the same air in a way that I found very sensual. Her eyes were locked on mine as I moved my lips close to hers, almost but not quite touching. I brushed my lips against hers. She immediately rose up to meet them, but I pulled away just enough that she couldn't reach. She smiled at my playful teasing for a moment, but then I kissed her for real until she couldn't breathe.

I released her arms at last and moved my hands to her panties. We both hesitated momentarily before she raised her bottom to allow me to pull them off. She then lay there breathing heavily while I looked at her entirely naked body for the first time. Slowly I placed myself in between her legs and lowered my face to the level of her shimmering pussy. She watched me with wide eyes as I took a deep breath and breathed hot air onto her pussy, making her tremble. Her breaths were erratic and shaky.

Slowly, I snaked out my tongue and softly licked the entire length of her slit, sliding the tip of my tongue over her clit at the end. Her whole body trembled and she whimpered deliciously. I did it again, but this time when I reached her clit with my tongue, I cradled it in between my lips and sucked gently. At this, Amber threw her head back and put her hands over her eyes in pure ecstasy, her body shaking uncontrollably. I released her clit and probed her pussy a little more with my tongue and lips, exploring. After a moment, I sucked her clit back into my mouth. It didn't take much; Amber was so turned on that when I patted her clit with my tongue while sucking, she came immediately, her hips bucking, whimpering noises escaping her throat.

Victory! I celebrated internally as Amber's body finally stopped thrashing and settled into a mild trembling. She looked down at me, her breaths still coming sporadically, and motioned for me to come closer with her finger. I smiled and crawled up next to her. She grabbed my face with her still-shaking hands and kissed me like I was the very air she breathed. With that kiss I remembered my own pussy, which had only grown wetter with my concentration on Amber. I was aching with need now, and my hand wandered down toward my groin on it's own. Before I could touch myself, however, Amber grabbed my hand and placed it on my chest.

"Don't you dare, Rach. That pussy's all mine tonight." With that she pushed me on to my back and settled between my legs. She ignored my panties for the moment and instead lifted my leg like I had done to her earlier. She kissed my ankle and slowly worked her way up the inside of my leg. As she did, my hand began to move on it's own toward my aching pussy again, and again she stopped it with her hand. To emphasize her point she bit my leg a little harder than was necessary, but the pain just turned me on even more. Of course she knew it would, and she smiled at me with her eyes when I winced and half-glared at her.

She continued working her lips up my leg, and when she reached the middle of my inner thigh, I had to bite my finger to keep from pulling her face to my needy pussy. When her lips finally reached the edge of my thong, she moved up a little and kissed me right above my slit. My body shook with need, and I struggled to keep from begging her to touch me. She grinned at my reaction to her torture, and then kissed my clit through the material of my thong. My whole body twitched, and I made a noise deep in my throat. Her fingers tugged at my thong, and I lifted my bottom eagerly, unable to stand the wait. She took her time removing the panties, then kissed above my slit again.

Amber stuck out her tongue and licked beside my pussy, just close enough to be sensual but not enough to stimulate. She did the same on the other side, and I lost control. "Please," I begged. "Please, Amber..." I didn't have time to say more. She plunged her tongue deep inside my pussy and wiggled it, effectively taking my breath away. As she withdrew it, she licked my clit gently, and I shuddered in pleasure. She went to work on me, alternating between licking my clit and pussy, sucking on my lips and clit sometimes. It was amazing. I trembled the whole time, lost in the pleasure she gave me. Finally she sucked my clit into her mouth, then holding it there gently between her teeth, she fluttered her tongue against my clit relentlessly. My back arched, and I came so hard I couldn't breathe for a full thirty seconds.

Amber joined me at the head of the bed as I lay there shaking. I turned my head to her and she kissed me. In that moment I knew something incredible had just happened. I smiled at my best-friend-turned-lover and realized that fate had a funny way of showing up when you least expected it. She smiled back at me. Amber was mine now, and I was hers. And that's the way it was always meant to be, from the beginning of time to the end of the earth. She was the Yin to my Yang, and now everything was right in the universe because we were finally together.

We took turns on each other late into the night, and when we collapsed from exhaustion, we slept the rest of the night with smiles on our faces. 

"Ugh!" I tossed yet another outfit aside in frustration. I wanted to look irresistible tonight, but I didn't want to make it obvious that I was trying. Tell that to my wardrobe. I supposed it probably wouldn't matter; Amber would know I was trying to look hot the moment she saw me. I decided to just wear a green sundress that would complement my eyes. I put the rest of my clothes back in my closet and walked into the bathroom to finish getting ready.

I decided to wear my hair wavy, since that was how Amber had always loved it. She had spent hours stroking my hair as often as she could; while cuddling on the couch watching a movie, in bed, with every hug, her hands were always touching my hair. I glanced at my clock for the millionth time. 3:30. I still had an hour before it was acceptable to head over to the restaurant. I felt unusually nervous about my dinner with Amber. Part of me was terrified that she wouldn't show up, and the other part of me was terrified that she would.

I took a deep breath. If I kept thinking about what might happen tonight, I was just going to make myself miserable. Unfortunately it was impossible for me to think of anything other than Amber. As I meticulously applied a light layer of makeup to my face, I sighed and thought about that blissful year when everything seemed so perfect.

Amber and Jeremiah moved into my house about a month after we first made love. To our coworkers, family, and friends, it was a financial arrangement so that Amber could save up money to go back to school. We never mentioned that we were a couple, and while the secrecy put us both under a lot of stress, neither of us were quite willing to be upfront with our loved ones yet. There was a lot of fear and confusion for both of us, but as long as we had each other, I figured we would find a way to make things work. Jeremiah, whom I had always adored for being the brightest and most loveable toddler alive, soon became my family. Of course, Amber and I were especially careful around him, since we hadn't decided the best way to approach that situation.

During that time, every day was a new adventure to me, and I had never been happier. I cannot begin to describe the infinite feeling that came over me every morning when I awoke in the arms of my soul mate. I cannot explain the sentiment I felt when her sister, Monica, invited me to spend Thanksgiving with them without hesitation because I was considered family. I cannot convey in words the beauty of her caresses that reached below skin and brushed my very soul. Even in the rough moments -- and I do believe that it would be unrealistic to say that our relationship was perfect, for we had our disagreements from time to time -- we always found that our love was deep enough to cover our flaws. We accepted each other entirely.

We made a point of keeping each other on our toes when it came to sex. Several months into our unexpected romance, the lovemaking began to slow and lose its intensity, mostly because we both felt comfortable expressing our affection in non-physical ways. However, when Amber brought up the fact that the lack of sex was making her feel like there was distance between us, I suggested that we try to keep it interesting. So from then on, we made sure that we did.

One of her favorite games to play was what she called, "Am-bush (pun-intended)." I would never forget the first time she sprang this romantic game on me. I had just finished putting a PIC line in an elderly patient, a task that is difficult for any IV Therapist, and I stepped into the storage closet to take inventory of our stock and to relax my mind for a moment. I was halfway through counting the iodine swabs when I heard the door open and shut behind me. Before I could turn to see who had entered the room, the lights were turned off and I was left in total darkness. For a moment I felt myself begin to panic, but then my ever-sensitive nose caught the scent I knew so well. Amber came up behind me and put her arms around me. I smiled.

"What on earth are you up to, Love," I turned and asked, my eyes trying desperately to adjust to the dark.

"Shh," she commanded, placing one hand over my lips. Then she pulled my face to hers and kissed me passionately. Pressing me up against the wall, she pinned my body and let her fingers wander up under my scrub top.

"Amber," I gasped, "someone could walk in!"

Her lips smiled against mine as she continued to kiss me. "Well then," she replied in between kisses, "we'd better hurry." With that, her hands were tugging at my pants and she slipped the fingers of one hand around the edge of my panties. Her lips silently urged me to play along as her fingers stroked the outside of my pussy. At her touch, I couldn't resist anymore and I moaned quietly, surrendering myself to her. She plunged her fingers deep inside me, teasing every pleasurable area as I struggled to keep quiet with our coworkers walking along the hall outside. At last I buried my face in her shoulder and whimpered as I came hard on her fingers. 

As my breathing slowed and my body took on that totally-relaxed feeling, Amber caressed my face with the hand that wasn't in my pants and whispered, "I heard you had a hard stick today." She was referring to the PIC line. "I figured after that, you could use an easy stick." She wiggled her fingers inside me for a moment to make her joke. I giggled, still a little breathless. Suddenly, Amber pulled away and walked back to the door. She flipped on the light switch and I blinked in the bright light for a moment. When my eyes adjusted to the light, I realized Amber was by the door, smoothing her hair and clothes.

"Are you leaving," I asked, disappointed. "I want the chance to do that to you, sweetheart." At that a gleam came to her eye and she smirked at me, flashing her dimples.

"You'll have to catch me first," she proclaimed. "Fix your hair before you leave, Hon." With that, she disappeared through the door. Two days later I trapped her in one of the bathrooms. Soon it became a contest to see who could ambush the other the most without getting caught.

I walked slowly through the familiar doors of our favorite restaurant, memories flooding my mind. The dim lighting provided a romantic atmosphere, and I instantly felt a wave of nostalgia hit me at full force. I hadn't been back here since she left, with the exception of one weak moment that ended in a night of tears. Amber's ghost was everywhere in this place; her laugh, her smile, the carefree way she tossed her hair back, my heart began to ache with longing for just a moment of that freedom with her. 

"Hi," the hostess's voice startled me out of my reverie. "How many?" Looking around, I realized I saw no familiar faces -- most of the staff had moved on in the last four years. You should move on too.




Lost and Found Ch. 01



I shook my head to clear the annoying depression that was threatening to cloud the evening. "Two, please," I replied. She gathered together a couple menus and asked me to follow her. My stomach dropped as I saw she was leading me to THE table. The one that was ours, always ours. We had laughed and cried at that table. She had ripped my heart to shreds at that table. "Oh, God," I spit. "Any other table but that one!" The hostess stopped and looked at me, confused. "I'm sorry," I pleaded, "I just need another table besides that one in the corner. Please." She shrugged and led me to a table in the middle of the room.

As I settled into my seat and ordered drinks, my eyes kept creeping over to the accentuated seat in the corner. I couldn't stop the painful memories from overwhelming me.

I looked at my phone for the millionth time. Where is she? Amber never missed our weekly dinner date. It was something we both looked forward to all week long. It didn't make sense that she was almost forty minutes late. Especially since she hadn't called me. My mind was playing situations in my head, and my panic was getting a little out of hand.

I was just about to leave to search the streets for her car, imagining it to be a hunk of twisted metal, wrapped around a tree. But as I was reaching for my purse to leave, I caught sight of her charging through the doors. I nearly jumped out of my seat to rush to her, but something about the look on her face stopped me. Something was wrong. Something was really wrong. She plopped down onto the seat across from me. Her eyes were red and puffy, her mascara smudged. My heart beat furiously with dread as I said nothing and waited for her explanation.

She took a steadying breath. "Something happened." The hysterical note in her voice made me want to vomit. My hands began to tremble. "Monica found out." She stopped to make sure I followed.

"About...us?" I didn't think it was all that bad. I mean, it was bound to come out eventually.

"Yes, about us." She looked at me so sadly, I felt like crying myself. "That's not all though. She called Matt." That I knew would be different. Amber's husband was probably pissed beyond reason. I shook my head, trying to grasp the situation. "Rachel, he's so angry. He... he wants me to move to California with him so Jeremiah can have a normal life."

"Well that's stupid. You've been trying to divorce him for a year and now he expects you to just forget everything and move to California?" I might have found that humorous were it not for the look on Amber's face.

"Rach," she whispered. "I'm going to do it."

That stopped me in my tracks. "What? Why?"

"Jeremiah...He deserves to have a normal childhood, Rachel. He deserves to have a mother AND a father. I can't put him through school with 'two mommies;' those kids will rip him apart."

The room felt like it was spinning. "And how is it better to raise a kid around his drug-peddling father than to raise him with two moms who love him?" I heard the disbelief and anger creeping into my voice, but my shock prevented me from holding it back. 

She frowned and played with the saltshaker absently. "Matt says he's been clean for almost two months now. He says he's done with the drugs if I'll just bring his son to him again."

"Matt doesn't deserve you or Jeremiah," I nearly snarled. I could feel it; I was about to snap and either start screaming or crying -- I couldn't tell which. It was completely unnatural to separate from Amber; she was my soul mate, damn it. "Can't we at least talk about this?"

"Rachel," she crooned quietly, her voice breaking. "Jeremiah is already getting confused about you. He adores you, and you're like a second mother to him. I can't afford to let this go on any longer, for his sake." She stared into my eyes where I couldn't hide the pain from her. "I love you so much. But I want my family back. You and I...we were never meant to last."

The tears came so fast and heavy they took me by surprise. My chest felt like it had been ripped open, and each sob only broke me further. Ever since childhood, whenever I was in pain, I ran away; it was a habit I had never been able to break. In the past couple years I had always ran to Amber for comfort. But since she was the source of my pain, that option was not available. I snatched up my purse and bolted to my car.

I drove without a destination for hours, feeling lonely for the first time since Amber entered my life.

It was nearly morning when I finally arrived at home. As I walked up to the front door, I noticed the lights were all off, and I was glad. I didn't want to have to talk to Amber any more that night; I was too emotionally drained. When I unlocked the door and walked in, however, my bedroom light switched on. Amber marched out in her pajamas, her face still a red, puffy mess.

"Where on earth have you been? You had me worried to death, not answering my calls!" I think she was trying to come off as angry, but she just looked frightened. Frightened and sad. I ignored her and took off my shoes, too tired and drained to think of a proper response. "Please," she begged throwing her arms around my neck, "Please don't give me the silent treatment." My arms found their way around her waist without me thinking about it. I pulled Amber close and held her for a few minutes, neither of us speaking. I began to pretend desperately that this was all just a nightmare. Amber would never really leave me.

It was then that I noticed the stack of boxes in the living room, effectively bringing me back to reality. I pulled away from Amber and walked over to the boxes to investigate the solidity of the world I was now living in. I ran one finger along the side of a box and stated quietly, "You've packed a lot already."

"Well, that's about half of it. Matt bought us plane tickets. We're flying out tomorrow afternoon, and Monica's going to send the rest of our stuff next week." My aching heart dropped another inch or two at the realization that tonight was my last night with Amber.

I turned and pulled her body close to mine, determined to not waste another second. She began to object, but I shut her up by kissing her roughly. She started to push against me, trying to free herself from my embrace, but this night was not one where I would be denied. I was hurt, angry, and emotionally raw. And I would express that to her the way that we had always best communicated. I half-walked, half-pushed her backwards into our bedroom, never releasing her. I trapped her up against one wall, even as she protested, and I kissed her passionately, knowing this was the last memory we would have together.

I poured my heart and soul into my kiss, and Amber soon responded by doing the same. All the pain, the unfairness of the world, all the fear and longing, we communicated everything we felt in our kiss. Amber's hands grasped my hair tightly, and I responded by biting her neck so hard, there was sure to be a mark in the morning. She gasped and flinched before clutching my hair even harder, making my eyes water in pain. I lost any sense of gentleness then and ripped her clothes off roughly, not caring if it hurt her. I barely had yanked her panties off before she was tearing at my clothes too.

When we were both naked, I pushed her onto the bed we had shared for nearly a year. Her nails dug canyons into my back as I used my teeth to imprint myself on her body. I was determined to leave my mark on her body for her to take back to that scumbag husband of hers. Let him try and touch her when she's covered in scratches and bruises from my teeth and fingernails. For all that I threw at her, she came back at me just as hard, even to the point where I realized I was bleeding a little.

My fingers found their way to her pussy and I stroked her roughly, my teeth still scraping the skin of her chest and stomach. I knew that pussy even better than my own, and within minutes she was gasping and flailing around as I finger-fucked her harder than I had ever dared before. As I increased my speed, she began to moan loudly, her body twisting around on the bed. I clenched her hair in my free hand as I watched her body bead with sweat, her pussy muscles gripping my fingers so hard, I had to force them to keep their rhythm inside her steady. 

"God! Fuck!" She shouted as I rammed my fingers inside her. I figured it had to be really good for her to drop the f-bomb like that. Her neck and cheeks started to flush and I knew she was close to a really big orgasm. Finally she screamed my name as she came on my fingers, her muscles shuddering.

I don't think she was even through with her orgasm before she pushed me onto my back, her fingers sliding into my wet pussy roughly. She bit my stomach hard once before lowering her face to my clit. Her tongue lashed out forcefully at my clit, making me wince with the sensitivity of it. I accepted the pain though, and her fingers expertly stroked up enough pleasure to counteract her roughness with my clit. Soon it was my body thrashing about on the bed, and the pleasure won out over the pain as I came hard, my entire body tightening with the strain of my orgasm.

Amber crawled up beside me and pulled me into her arms. For a long time neither of us said anything; we just lay there pressed up together and staring into each other's eyes. I didn't understand how Amber could choose to leave me. The fact that she could hurt me so deeply I couldn't express it in words. But as I looked deep into her eyes, I began to understand that her choice wasn't about her happiness. It was about her son.

"Aren't you going to beg me to stay or something?" Her question split the silence in half.

"Would it make a difference?" She shook her head in reply to my question. "Then I don't see the point in fighting about it." I sighed. "I want to. I want to beg you not to leave my side. I want to kiss you until you're thoroughly convinced your lips will never feel right against anyone else's ever again. But what would that prove? I love you. I want you to be happy. If staying with me would make you unhappy, then how selfish would I be to ask you to stay just for me?"

"Rach," she began to cry quietly. "I don't want to leave, you know. I have to. For Jeremiah. I don't want to imagine my life without you. I hate the thought of waking in the morning without you next to me. I know my heart is never going to recover from this, and I already know that my lips won't feel right against anyone else's. But my son is my life. I'm a mother. And we don't get to choose our happiness over our kids." She reached out and caressed my cheek with her hand. "I love you, and I'm so sorry that I'm hurting you. I wish it didn't have to be like this."

My own tears felt hot against my cheeks, and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat without success. "I understand," I whispered. "Am I still going to be able to call you?" I knew the answer but I figured it was worth a shot.

"I think it would be better if we just cut things off entirely." I nodded.

"Well, if tomorrow I have to try to exist without you, then I suppose I have tonight to memorize everything about you."

And I did. I lay there in our bed memorizing every fleck of gold that danced in her eyes, every curve of her body, the way she smelled, the way she tasted. I soaked in every detail I could because I knew that there would never be another love. Maybe, I thought, maybe I can stretch out my memories of her just enough to last the rest of my life.

The next day I watched sullenly as she and her son packed their baggage into the trunk of a taxi. When they finished, I picked Jeremiah up and held him tight for a minute. "I'm gonna miss you, Little Guy."

"I love you, Aunt Rachie," he proclaimed, burying his face into my shoulder.

My throat constricted. "I love you too, Little Guy." I helped him into his car seat in the cab. "Take care of your mommy for me, okay?" He nodded seriously and then smiled at me. I figured he didn't quite understand that this was a forever-goodbye. It was probably better that he didn't anyhow. I shut the door and turned to Amber.

We stared at each other for a few moments, trying to figure out how to say goodbye after all that we had been through. "Well," I started.

"Well," she agreed. I pulled her into my arms for what I knew was the last time, and I held her tightly.

I felt my heart rip in two. She was the Yin to my Yang, partner of my heart and soul, and separating from her was very much like dying. "I love you, Amber Marie," I whispered through the tears that wouldn't stop running down my cheeks.

"And I love you, Rachel Leigh," she replied. We clung to each other for what may have been minutes but felt like far too short of a time for me.

"We're going to miss our flight if we don't leave now," she stated, pulling away.

"And that would be bad, how," I asked almost playfully. She smiled sadly before kissing me softly on the lips. She looked deep into my eyes one last time before opening the door to the taxi. I reluctantly allowed her hand to slip from mine as she climbed into the taxi and out of my life. 

Before the door shut, I heard Jeremiah ask the question that would linger in my mind for months. "Mommy, why can't Aunt Rachie come with us?" And then the yellow car was pulling away. I watched it drive out of my sight, carrying my heart and soul with it.

"Rachel?" Amber's voice pulled me out of my reverie.

"Oh," I jumped and wiped away the wet streaks on my cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you come in."

She took her seat quietly as she looked at me with concern. "Are you okay," she asked, worried.

"Yeah, yeah. I was just...thinking." I watched her eyes drift over to the corner and I knew I wouldn't have to explain my tears to her. "Um," I cleared my throat, "I ordered your favorite." I motioned at the glass of wine in front of her. She smiled and took a sip, and I could see all the memories rushing back to her as well.

"Do you remember the time that guy tried to get us to come home with him for a threesome," she asked with a smile on her face. I remembered and I laughed out loud.

"I couldn't believe he had the audacity to walk up to our table and ask if we'd like 'a little dick with our wine!'" She laughed too.

"And you said, 'If I were you I wouldn't brag about having a little dick!' Ha!" We both chuckled at the memory. "Ahh," she sighed, "but you were always quick with the comebacks. I was never as witty as you."

"Not true," I proclaimed. "Remember the time when you were short money for your phone bill and you saw a guy drop a twenty at the gas station? You totally pocketed his money, and when you told me about it, I asked you why you didn't just ask me for the money. Your response? 'No, no, it's okay. The Lord provides!'" She giggled and covered her face in embarrassment.

The dinner went on with us reminiscing and laughing about so many memories that we had together. An hour flew by, and then another, and I began to feel guilty about holding up the table for so long. I could tell Amber was thinking it was time to leave too by the way she started fidgeting. It was now or never to try to wrench a little more time from her.

"Amber, I was wondering," I began, "I still want to hear more about Jeremiah and stuff, so would you want to-"

"Yes," she cut my sentence off.

"Wait, you didn't let me fin-"

"Yes."

"But you don't know what I'm ask-"

"Look, Rachel. I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet, so whatever you're proposing, the answer is 'yes.'"

I laughed at her eagerness. "Okay then, Vegas it is," I teased.

Her eyes grew wide at my mention of the Sinful City. "Wait, what?"

"I'm just kidding, Love. C'mon, let's go to my house."

I started to stand up, but she stopped me with an apprehensive look. "Hold on...my sister. If she drives by and sees my rental car there, she'll tell Matt and he won't take it well."

"Okay so we'll leave your car here and I'll bring you back to get it later." She deliberated momentarily. "It will be okay, I promise," I reassured her.

She took a deep breath and nodded. 

Twenty-five minutes later, I eased my car into the driveway of the same house Amber, Jeremiah, and I had shared four years ago. When I cut the engine, Amber made no move to get out of the car. I looked at her and waited patiently. "It looks different," she stated simply.

"Well, I painted the house a different color and did a little landscaping." She nodded slowly and opened her car door. I followed suit and led her to the front door. As we entered the house, her wide eyes took in the living room.

"You...you redecorated," she exclaimed. I almost laughed.

"It was either that or move!" She looked at me with a startled expression. I explained quietly, "Every day I would come home and expect to see you sitting on the couch or in the kitchen making dinner. Your smell lingered for such a long time. I thought it was going to drive me crazy." I walked to the kitchen and fetched a bottle of wine and two glasses. "At first I let it consume me. I wallowed in the memories and locked myself away in them. I couldn't sleep without your pillow tucked under my chin." I poured the wine. "But then one day it hit me -- if I was ever going to move on, I had to let you go. And to do so, I had to chase your ghost out of my house forever." I handed her a glass, which she accepted almost robotically, her face blank. "So I got new furniture and rearranged every single room in the house, until it felt new again." I sipped my wine for a moment and looked at my surroundings. "Which I'll probably have to do again after tonight," I muttered.

I chanced a look at Amber; she was staring blankly at the glass of wine in her hand, processing what I had told her. Finally she looked at me with such a sad expression, my heart felt like it was being squeezed in my chest. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "You must hate me for hurting you so badly."

I moved close enough to her to put my hand gently on her cheek. "I could never hate you," I said thickly. "Whether we're thousands of miles apart, whether it has been minutes or years since we've seen each other, I will always love you." A single tear dripped down her cheek and I used my thumb to wipe it away. I took a step closer and rested my forehead against hers. "I'm yours, and you're mine," I whispered. "No amount of time or distance will ever change that."

She raised her head to look me in the eyes. I stared at those gorgeous blue eyes, filled with such raw emotion and longing. Those golden flecks that I had tried so hard to imprint upon my memory danced behind tears that threatened to overflow. She placed a hand around the back of my head and gently pulled my lips to hers.

It felt like coming home. My lips remembered hers, and the pieces of my broken heart started to meld together instantly. My head swam with the familiarity of her taste, and my hands moved on their own, wrapping her up in their warmth. Her tears mixed with mine on our cheeks as we held each other hostage with a love that burned as bright and strong as ever before.

Pulling away, she slipped her hand in mine and led me quietly into my bedroom, our wine forgotten in the kitchen. She turned on the light and looked around, probably noting all the differences from her memory. Then she turned the light back off, turned back to me, and pulled my body close to hers. "Amber," I said quietly. I wanted to tell her not to do something she'd regret, that as much as I longed for her, I didn't want to hurt her. I tried to speak, but the words were stuck in my throat as my eyes locked on hers.

"It's okay," she said, addressing everything I couldn't verbalize. "I know what I'm doing." With that she pressed her lips to mine again and I was lost again in a world that was painfully pleasant. Her fingers wove their way into my hair, as mine found her waist and stomach. All of the doubts, the fears, and the worries that I knew would plague me hours later melted away as her lips caressed mine softly, agonizingly. My fingers pressed gently against her soft, warm flesh, and she moaned out my name.




Lost and Found Ch. 01



We undressed each other slowly, savoring every touch and every second of intimacy. As our clothes fell to the floor I realized that in the four years we had spent apart, I had tried to convince myself that I could live without my sweet Amber, only to find that she was all I could ever want and need. And in this moment, the need to be with her was more intense than it had ever been. The pale moonlight shone through the window, illuminating our now naked bodies as we allowed our fingertips to roam across each other's soft curves.

Unhurried, we moved to the bed. We lay facing each other, our legs and arms tangled together. We kissed softly as our fingers simultaneously slipped inside each other, initiating a smooth rhythm to which our bodies rocked gently. Her eyes never left mine as our breath began to increase, both of us united as we approached orgasm as one. Our moans and sighs filled the air as we stroked each other gently at first, then with ever increasing speed and pressure. We held off as long as we could, trying to make the beautiful moment last as long as possible, but the stroking reached a fevered pitch and we both erupted into powerful orgasms in the same instant, finally breaking eye contact to throw our heads back in ecstasy.

As we lay there trembling and panting together, Amber grinned and started to laugh. I smiled and asked, "What's so funny?"

"This is the first time my husband has trusted me enough to let me visit my family by myself in four years, and the first thing I do is cheat on him with you," she mused. Her face changed to a more serious expression. "But oddly, I feel more like I'm cheating when I'm with him than when I'm with you."

I smiled, "That's because he's not your soul mate. I am." To make my point I kissed her again, eliciting from her a sigh of contentment.

As the sunlight pouring through my window reached my eyes, I awoke, squinting in the brightness. I felt a little disoriented at first, but then I felt the familiar shape of the body next to me. Amber was still sleeping, facing me with her arms and legs woven into mine. I traced the shape of her face with my eyes, still marveling over the fact that she was in my bed. The previous night had been intimate and wonderful, but I found myself frightened by the prospect of her waking up and regretting what she had done. After our reunion after four years, the thought of losing her again made me want to vomit. I began to desperately plot ways that I could keep her here with me for the rest of time.

I was half-seriously considering a kidnapping scheme when her eyes fluttered, and the blue beauties focused on my own eyes.

A soft smile formed on her lips, and she moved her arms from around my body just long enough to stretch before replacing them. She said nothing, but met my eyes in an unwavering gaze of love and adoration. We stared at each other for an uncertain amount of time, neither of us willing to leave the comfort of our embrace.

Slowly my fears began to creep back into my head. I thought of having to watch her disappear from my life again. I thought of her asshole husband finding out that she had met up with me again. I thought of her telling me that if she had to choose between her husband and me she would have to choose him. I imagined all the scenarios that would hurt me the most and felt my eyes prick with tears.

"What," she asked softly. "What's wrong?"

I couldn't keep the desperate sadness out of my voice as I responded in a whisper, "Don't leave me."

Her forehead wrinkled in a painful expression and she lifted one hand and softly caressed my cheek. She didn't say anything for a while as she gazed at me, lost in thought. Finally she spoke. "I can't live without my son." My heart shuddered with pain at my now certain knowledge that I would lose her yet again. "So," she continued, "If I stay here, so does he. We're a package deal." I blinked in confusion. Was she really telling me that she was going to stay with me?

"Amber, are you saying --" I began.

"I'm saying that four years has been long enough for me to know that my life without you is torture. But if you want me, you have to want Jer too." As her words settled in my surprised mind, my heart began to race as a joy unlike anything I had ever known took over me. New tears spilled from my eyes as I saw a different future fall into place before me.

"Of course," I whispered, my voice too thick with emotion to use. "You and Jeremiah. My family. That's all I have ever wanted."

She smiled gently and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "Then we're yours," she stated. I don't think I had ever felt so happy as I did in that moment.

Over the next week, Amber and I began to plan her return to Ohio in secret. She found a way to meet up with me every night, and we made love for hours before discussing the details of her and Jeremiah's move back into my house. She thought it was best to wait to tell Jeremiah until everything was in place so that Matt wouldn't find out until it was too late to stop her. I was eager to see the boy again, but I accepted that the timing was off, and Amber knew her son well enough to anticipate when to tell him what was going on.

During the daylight hours, I went about my usual routine. At work, the hospital staff commented regularly about how happy I seemed. I was elated that things were finally going to change, and that I would have my little family unit back, even if the arrangement may be frowned upon by society. I didn't tell anyone why I was so happy -- I figured they would find out after everything was finalized anyhow.

Life was good.

I checked my watch again, even though I knew only a few minutes had passed since I last looked. I paced about my living room and tried to remain calm. Amber had sent me a message saying she was on her way over to my house and would be there in less than twenty minutes. That was almost an hour ago. I kept telling my overactive imagination to be quiet, but the scenarios that played out in my head were pushing me closer and closer to a panic. I checked my watch again, aware of how eerily familiar the situation seemed to the day Amber had told me she was moving to California.

I grabbed my cell phone to call her yet again, knowing it was pointless; the last four times I tried, it went straight to voicemail. Before I could make the call, however, the phone jumped to life in my hand. It was Sandy, one of the nurses at the hospital where I worked. They didn't usually call me at night, so I was wary as I answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, uh, Rachel," Sandy greeted. "Listen I hate to bother you, but we have a trauma patient in here, and we can't get an IV in her. Would you be willing to come start it for us?"

Something wasn't right. The hospital never called me in this late, especially for something so easy as an IV start. "Sandy, what's going on," I asked, dreading that the hunch I had building inside of me was right.

"I just think you need to come in here and help us," she said. The tone in her voice let me know she was trying to communicate more than just the words in her sentence. Of course, due to privacy laws, she couldn't give out any information over the phone. But I knew, I knew deep within my soul what awaited me at the hospital.

My next question came out from lips that were almost as frozen as the rest of me. "How bad is she?"

Sandy hesitated a moment, then responded, "If I were you, I'd hurry."

I made it to the ER in record time. I didn't stop and ask anyone where to go; I just followed the sound of the commotion in the trauma center. My fears were confirmed beyond doubt as I walked into a big room to find Amber lying on the table, a team of trained professionals working to keep her alive. I watched silently as they worked on her battered and bloody body, knowing that I would be in the way if I went to her now. Someone grabbed my arm and pulled me to the corner, although the wave of shock and numbness I was feeling almost kept me from noticing.

"They've been working on her for almost forty minutes now," Sandy said. "I know you two used to be so close, so I called you -- " her voice trailed off.

"What happened," I inquired in monotone.

"She was in a car wreck. A semi ran a stoplight and t-boned her in an intersection. They had to cut her out of the car to get her here. She...she's pretty banged up, Rachel."

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the small frame on the table. I had seen so many brutal injuries since I had been working for the hospital, but the twisted form in front of me seemed so much more personal than ever before. My heart felt like it was trying to beat through liquid lead. "What all is wrong," I asked, struggling to fight off the grief that was threatening to overtake me.

"She has several broken bones, head trauma, collapsed lung; she's lost a lot of blood. Honestly it's a miracle she's still alive right now, but she's got a lot of internal bleeding too. I doubt she'll -- " she cut herself off as she realized how impersonal she was being. It was understandable; if you work long enough in the emergency healthcare field, you have to shut off your emotions. Can't get all worked up over every single death. But this was my Amber, and knowing that she was only hanging on by a thread was destroying my world.

A voice cut through the haze in my mind. "She's conscious! Ms. Roberts, can you hear me?" I took a step forward. Amber's eyes were open, flickering around slowly, as if she were barely there. I walked over to her side and place my fingers on her cheek.

"Amber," I said quietly. Her eyes immediately met mine, and I knew she could hear me. She stared at me for a moment, unable to speak because of the breathing tube in her throat, but her fingers weakly felt around for mine. I took her hand as all the sounds in the room faded away leaving me with nothing but silence, despite their clamoring around the room in a controlled frenzy.

Her eyes remained on mine, and a tear rolled down her cheek. As always, we didn't need words to communicate as her sad, sad eyes apologized a thousand times for having to leave me again so soon. NO, I screamed internally. But her eyes told me that she loved me and it would be okay. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, noticing that her hair was matted with blood. "I'll do what I can for Jeremiah." I said quietly, the words barely audible. She nodded her thanks once, and then the light slipped from her beautiful, breath-taking eyes.

I felt hands pulling at me, but I didn't know or care why they were there. Finally my hand slipped from Amber's, and I was pulled back into the corner. Slowly the muffled sounds of the trauma room began to reach my ears again.

" -- crash cart, stat!" A frenzy of movement around the figure on the table blocked my view of my love. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall for support. "Clear!" The word was followed by a buzzing sound and a thump, familiar noises to me that now meant nothing. "Clear!" Thump. "Clear!" Thump.

I opened my eyes and walked out of the room. I didn't need to hear anymore; I had seen her soul, her beautiful, precious soul, leave her body, and I knew she wasn't coming back. She was gone (gone!). "Call it," came a voice from the room behind me. I walked faster, trying to escape the pain that I knew was coming for me.

"Time of death -- " came the voice fading quickly behind me. My legs were moving faster and faster, and I realized I was sprinting towards the hospital exit, doing what I always did when I was hurting. I ran away.

I can do this, I told myself. I learned to live without her once, and I can do it again. I ran out the hospital doors into the cool night air, and veered toward the parking garage. It may take a while, but eventually I will heal and move on, just like last time. It will be okay.

No. My feet slowed and faltered. No, it will not be okay. She was the partner of my heart and soul, the ying to my yang. Amber was mine, and I was hers. And that's the way it was always meant to be, from the beginning of time to the end of the earth. My feet were too heavy to move now, and the earth spun around me as the grief and pain caught up with me, knocking the wind out of my lungs. 

My Amber, my soul mate was gone (gone!). I knew that there would never be another love. Apart, we were both destined to always be two broken halves of a whole.

I sank to my knees and wept.



Lost & Found Ch. 01



Authors Note:

I've been playing around with this story, in one form or another, for a very long while now, undecided about how to go with it, because it seemed too involved and not sufficiently upbeat; it has occupied a space in my head for a long while now, bounded by an equilateral triangle that described it variously as a labour of love, an on-going project, and a gadfly that nagged at me. My wife decided it for me. She found the story while I was deployed in-service overseas and asked if I'd round it out and give her something to read that involved more than just illicit sex between siblings, if there could be something that would make it a more satisfying read. This version of the story came out of that and subsequent conversations, with a large amount of amendment and input (i.e. interference, argument and nagging) from both her and her various hormonal female friends (sorry darling, but describing them as a coven of loonies doesn't nearly do them justice, and 'tribe of gin-soaked man-trap's seems a little harsh...).

Mriceman1964 has also had a long and helpful critical input and reader perspective with this, coupled with a large amount of editorial involvement and reality-checking, so a vote of deep thanks goes to him. 

This story is about rejection, and abandonment, but also about redemption, love and hope, and what family really means, and maybe has a place on this site and in this category because of the base subject matter; see what you think. There is a back-story,so it has a slow build-up, you have been warned!

All characters are over 18, and are indulging in consensual sexual activities appropriate to adults only.

If you liked this story, please rate it, if you didn't, please tell me why, or ask me a question; I promise I will reply. All comment is treated as fair comment, and suggestions for improvement are always noted and acted upon, or disregarded completely if they're deranged, self-evidently demented, or utterly barking mad. If you want to be rude, I can't stop you, but I will delete pointlessly rude comments, unless they also make me laugh; I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next person, but being nasty just for the sake of it gets your comment deleted molto allegro.

Beachbum1958

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Part 1. I am clean without transgression, I am innocent -- Job 33:9

When Robbie was born, his father celebrated for 2 days straight; he had a son, someone to carry on the family sporting tradition. Steve Dolan had been star quarterback his senior year, the most popular boy in the school, dating the head cheerleader, Angie Rayne. He'd married the cheerleader, started his own business, building up a small chain of 8 hardware stores across the mid-west. Now he had a son, all his dreams were coming true, one after the other.

As Robbie grew, and took notice of the world around him, and began trying to grasp things, Steve noticed that he was having difficulty judging distance, identifying simple things like his toys, and as he started walking this grew more pronounced; he seemed to be having great difficulty seeing things, always bumping into things. His eyes were tested and the news devastated both of them; Robbie had severe Myopia, short-sighted to a degree requiring immediate corrective surgery and life-long spectacles; he was never going to play sports, it would be too dangerous for him. 

When Steve and Angie heard the diagnosis, something inside them died; their son was never going to be a sports star, never going to be Prom King, never going to be anybody except the kid with the thick glasses, and Steve remembered the cruel tricks and casual beatings he used to hand out to kids like that. Now his son was in for all that, a life of being dismissed as Four-Eyes, Magoo, Nerd, and Urkel.

Steve's disappointment in his son was extreme, his reaction to him more so; he simply decided there was no point in making an effort with him, he was always going to be a nobody, a joke in school, 'victim' already tattooed on him in big glowing letters.

When Robbie was 2, Angie gave birth to a little girl, Casey, and she was everything, in their eyes, that their son wasn't; perfect in every way, bright, friendly, healthy, and growing up beautiful, smart, everybody's darling. From the moment she was born, all of Steve and Angie's efforts went into her; she was their princess. Robbie was sidelined, forgotten, in the family, but no longer a part of it. All the love, care and attention they had was lavished on Casey, and there was none left over for little Robbie. 

He wasn't neglected, but he was ignored, unloved, abused in all but deed, and excised from the family by the most subtle knife of all. There would be periods, sometimes weeks at a time, when his father never spoke to him at all; Steve had nothing to say to his failure son, and Angie was so busy preparing her daughter for the prom-queen, cheerleader, catwalk life that was in store for her daughter that she overlooked her little boy entirely. 

For Steve and Angie, Robbie simply stopped existing; it was easier that way. They fed him, clothed him, and dismissed him from their lives; he became invisible and unregarded.

The bullies at school had discovered early on that he was almost blind if he lost his glasses; all he saw of the world was moving smears of colour, so they would slap them off him, and watch him stumble around, afraid and at their mercy. 

Robbie endured the beatings that got handed him at school, Steve and Angie not even noticing their boy was hurt, and hurting, unable to see he was worth their time and attention, standing by uncaring while his life spiralled downwards. One time, without his glasses, it took him nearly 4 hours to get home, unable to find his way, trying to make sense of the blurs and jags of colour he saw, almost petrified with fear, missing cars by a hairs-breadth. When he finally made it home, dinner was long over. They'd saved none for him; he was only 12 years old, and they hadn't noticed he was missing.

Robbie excelled in school; he was an outstanding math and science student, his grades the best ever achieved at Ellenbrook High, a grade point average so far ahead of the curve that his school predicted a glowing future for him; colleges were going to fight over him one day, he was scholarship material. Steve and Angie dismissed all that from their minds; Casey was the important one. 

When time came, he applied for colleges across California and the South-West, and was accepted at all of them, his GPA and perfect SAT score going before him; the prize, though was the offer of a full Computer Sciences scholarship at UC Berkeley. But he had no way to support himself; Steve wouldn't hear of him going to college, they needed the money for Casey, for when she went to college; for him, there was nothing.

He spent most of his time with his best friend, Joey Anderson, the most popular boy in the school, cheerleader girlfriend, the whole cliché. If not for the fact that Joey genuinely liked him, Robbie would have avoided him like poison; too many guys like Joey had beaten the crap out of him for him to trust a jock, but Joey put a stop to that, made it clear that messing with Robbie was messing with him; after a couple of the worst offenders got handed their asses by Joey, the beatings stopped. 

Joey had somehow managed to convince Robbie to help him train, and had slowly encouraged him to lift weights, to join him in his callisthenics and workouts, and to circuit-train. At last, Robbie had found an athletic endeavour he could participate in, one that he actually enjoyed. As he grew taller, he bulked-up, helped by the daily exercise and training, muscle-mass growing and firming as he trained harder and for longer, his genetics finally kicking in. At 18 he stood six feet three inches and weighed 200lbs, with not an ounce of spare fat on him. He favoured Steve in heft and looks, but towered over him, brown haired and brown-eyed, clean-limbed, clear skinned, healthy and fit. Except for his eyesight. 

However, none of his family noticed the changes in him; they were watching Casey, and Robbie was just background noise they'd stopped hearing years ago. 

Joey's mom, Sarah, was more of a mother to Robbie than Angie ever was, Robbie often staying over for days on end, knowing his family would never ask themselves where he was, Sarah never complaining, being there when he needed a mom to tell his troubles to. When he told her he'd turned down his college offers for lack of funds and support, she was furious, Steve Dolan had a string of successful, profitable stores, and he still had nothing for his boy! But there was nothing she could do; Robbie wasn't hers, and she couldn't afford to help him; she could barely afford to support Joey. Not that Robbie would have asked. 

The evening it all came to a head was like any other; Robbie and Joey hanging out, lifting weights out back, watching TV, good-naturedly ragging each other, just keeping company with each other. When Robbie eventually left to go home, Sarah watched him walking away, a lone, upright figure, and she confided her feelings to Joey.

"It's a sin to waste your own life, but it's a crime to waste someone else's. Steve Dolan discarded that boy for no reason, took away his college, said he had no money to spare, then buys Casey a new Escalade for her birthday, and promised her a trip to Europe for the next one. You know what they gave Robbie for his birthday this year? A Disney Tee-shirt that didn't even fit. It breaks my heart to see that poor boy treated so shamefully; what did he ever do to anyone? They'll pay for this one day." Joey could only express his wish that they did, letting rip a few choice words to describe the Dolan family.

Meanwhile, Robbie arrived home to find his parents waiting for him, tight-lipped, angry.

"What's the meaning of this?" demanded Steve, waving an envelope at him, and his heart sank; the scholarship offer. "When were you going to tell us you'd applied to Berkeley? That you'd been accepted? Do you know how much it costs to go there?"

Robbie was confused. He wasn't going, he'd already turned it down, there was no money for him to go to college, any college. They'd already made that clear.

"Dad, I turned it down, I can't support myself, you can't support me, it's over, so what are you so mad about?"

Steve read through the letter properly, anger mounting as he began to understand that the scholarship had been full tuition and a bursary. 

"Why didn't you give this to us, why did your mother have to find it when she was cleaning your room?" 

Robbie was confused, now he was at the sharp-end again for doing exactly what they wanted. "Dad, you told me I couldn't go to college, any college. Why is there a problem, I've already refused the offer, the scholarship offer's been rescinded, it's gone to someone else. End of story. May I go now, please, I have an assignment due tomorrow?"

Steve wasn't ready to let it go. 

"You stupid little shit, you had a scholarship, you could have gone to Berkeley, but no, you pissed it away -- what the hell were you thinking of?" The unfairness of it broke over Robbie, and he reared up, all his bitterness, anger and despair finally boiling over.

"You took it away from me, you son of a bitch! I asked you for one thing, for the first, for the only time in my life, and it was still too much to ask! You turned me down flat, you wanted to save the money so Casey could go to college, remember? What about me, why was it so hard to help me just once? You took my future away from me, a chance to be somebody, anybody, except your son. Thanks to you, I'll never even get to be a has-been, like you, I'll be a never-was, does that feel good, do you feel proud of me now?"

Steve snarled and swung his hand at him, for it to smack into Robbie's palm, locked there immobile as Robbie stood up, Steve suddenly really seeing him for the first time, and realising Robbie outweighed him, was a head taller than him, had no reason not to snap his wrist, and plenty of cause to do just that. They stood, silently, as Steve, face twisting in pain, tried to think of a way out of this situation, his hand trapped in Robbie's closed fist, with Robbie finally angry enough to pay him back for all the years of contempt and neglect.

"Robbie, no, let your father go!" shrilled Angie, and Robbie suddenly realised how harsh and unlovely her voice was, squawking like an angry turkey. 

"Shut up, bitch, I haven't finished yet!" he gritted, twisting his hand, watching the pain flash again across Steve's face again.

""I'm going upstairs now; I'm getting my stuff, and I'm going home. Don't ever speak to me again, I owe you nothing, so don't expect to hear from me again. I'm letting go now, if you try to hit me again, I'll break your arm, Steve."

"This is your home...." trailed off Angie.

"I said shut up, bitch, and I don't live here. Have fun with Casey until she gives you the finger!"

Sarah Anderson answered the door to Robbie, took one look at his face, and hustled him in, sitting him down and handing him a soda. "Robbie, what's happened? Joey's not here, he's taken Karen to the movies, but you can tell me." She watched him closely as he told her what had happened, and that he'd walked out, asking if he could stay with them until he figured out what to do next.

"Stay as long as you want, honey, you practically live here anyway. Give me your stuff, I'll put it through the wash now, be nice and fresh for the morning. You are going to school in the morning?"

Robbie thought about it. "Don't really see the point in graduating now, I'm not going anywhere, perhaps I should start looking for a job somewhere."

Sarah snorted. "Around here? My advice is, stay in school as long as you can, you never know when you may need it!" 

"Sure thing, Mrs Anderson, thanks for the soda. If you don't mind, I'll go out back, lift some weights for a while and wait for Joey."

While Robbie worked off his anger in the back yard, Sarah thought about what he'd told her. It was beyond her how a family could so despise their child that destroying his future was of no consequence to them, that they could be so indifferent to their child, could leave him out in the cold for years on end, grind away at him, and then be so shocked when he finally reared-up and struck back. At least they hadn't destroyed his spirit, she thought grimly, he still had enough grit to back Steve down, and shut Angie's whiny mouth.

A knock came at the door, and Sarah looked through the window to see Steve and Angie Dolan standing there. Good, she thought, I'm just in the right mood to deal with those two! She opened the door and stepped out, closing the door behind her, making it clear they were not invited in.

Steve started to speak. "Sarah, could we speak to Robbie..." but Sarah cut him short. 

"No. He told me what you did, what you said. You're a dick, Steven Dolan, you were a dick in school, and you're still a dick now. Robbie says he doesn't want to speak to or hear from you again. He's over 18, in this state that makes him an adult, and I intend to respect his wishes. How dare you treat your boy like he's nothing, because he's not a shit-head jock like you! Right now, everything he owns in the world is sitting on my table; one bag of old clothes to show for a lifetime with you. You couldn't carry away the things you gave Casey in a big truck! But none of that matters; all he ever needed was a little love from his mom, a little time with his dad, but you couldn't even give him that, just that, you couldn't even see him for the glow from Casey. You made him not exist in his own home, the place he's supposed to be loved and safe. He was fading away in front of you, and you looked away, or looked right through him; you dismissed him out of hand, made him be nobody and nothing." 

"God damn you, both of you, you stood by and let him stumble through life, knowing he's almost completely defenseless. You never once thought of giving him a helping hand, or being kind to him, or being there for him, or just letting him know that you gave a damn for him. Both of you, you gave all your love and attention to your baby girl, what about your baby boy, where was the love for him? Who the hell looked out for him? If you didn't want him, why didn't you just give him up, let someone have him who'd actually love him? For Chrissake, he'd have had a better life if you'd just dumped him along the side of the fucking road! God help the pair of you, one day you'll pay for what you did to that boy, I swear!" Tears of rage were rolling down her cheeks and she angrily rubbed them away.

"Sarah, I..." began Angie, Sarah cutting across her. "Shut up Angie, Robbie sure got one thing right; you are a miserable, mean bitch! I'm glad he finally slapped you down. One of the few things he's grateful for is that he never has to hear your damned voice ever again. Now the two of you get off my property before I call the police! Go on, go shove your heads back up Casey's ass, that's where you've had them stuck for the last 16 years!"

Steve tried to speak again. "Sarah, please..."but again Sarah shut him off. "If you say another word, Steven Dolan, I swear I will kick your ass for you, hand you a beating like poor Robbie had to endure all the time, beatings my son had to put a stop to, because you couldn't be bothered. He'd come home all busted up, and you never noticed, you just looked right through him, none of you bunch even noticed he was hurt. You are a miserable excuse for a parent, and that goes for you too, Angie. Now get the hell off my property!" Steve and Angie recognised the raw fury in Sarah's voice and beat a hasty retreat. 

*

Casey came in from school, and did her usual twirl in front of the hall mirror, checking herself out, making sure she looked perfect from every angle, that her tight shirt and short, short plaid skirt revealed just enough without looking cheap. She was a pleasant eyeful in anybody's book, that much was true; long supple legs, taut, trim figure, long Copper-Auburn hair in a ponytail, and gray-hazel eyes. Pretty, slim, limber and athletic; the perfect cheerleader. Trouble was, she knew it too well. She clattered into the lounge, dropping her things on the coffee table and doing a graceful flop backwards onto the couch. Then something about her parents, and the strained silence in the room caught her attention, and she suddenly sensed the atmosphere, both parents looking hunted, drawn, almost furtive. 

"Mom, what's going on, what's happened?" she demanded, "Dad, what is it?" 

"Casey, it's Robbie..." began Angie, trailing off and looking helplessly at Steve. 

"Robbie left, for good. We had...words, about college, and now he's gone, he took his stuff and left," said Steve, scowling at the memory of the pain Robbie'd caused him without breaking a sweat.

"Gone!" echoed Casey, "Gone where, why, what are you not telling me?" she demanded, "Why are you so wound-up over it, it's only Robbie! Where did he go?"

Angie answered "He's staying with the Andersons for now, long term...I don't know. But he won't come back here; he's gone."

Casey stalked out and jumped into her car, her brand new Escalade, and drove over to the Anderson residence, intending to give Robbie a piece of her mind. Sarah Anderson was sitting on the porch trying to calm herself after the confrontation she'd had with the Dolan's when Casey pulled up , got out and walked up to speak to her.

"Mrs. Anderson, may I please speak with Robbie, about..."

Sarah cut her short, a habit she was getting to like with this bunch. "No you may not, Robbie has had quite enough of you and that family of yours, leave him be, he's got a lot to deal with, and your whining voice is just another thing he wants to forget!"




Lost & Found Ch. 01



Casey gawked at her, and Sarah couldn't help smiling nastily back at her. "Told you what they did, did they? How they refused to let him go to college so you could have a nice new luxury car and a trip to Europe, how he had to turn-down a full scholarship to Berkeley because your folks refused to help him in any way, how they want a bubble-head like you to go to college, not him, the only brain in the whole damn family? Enjoying your nice birthday presents, are you? You'd better, because that was your brother's future; think about it next time you and the rest of your slutty friends pile into your nice new car, or when you go slutting around Europe next year, and wonder how the hell your brother's supposed to make a life when you've taken his future from him; I hope it gives you a warm glow inside. You have to go now, I'm sure there's a boy somewhere you haven't shown your ass to yet!"

She drove home in shock, numb with the realisation of the truth she'd heard in Sarah's voice, her words running around in her mind, thinking about what she'd said, remembering how they treated him; like he was invisible. When was the last time she'd said 'thank you' when he'd done something for her, or said 'good morning' to him, or even just smiled at him, included him just once? She had time for everyone, but never any for her brother. 

Sarah was right; they'd driven him out. They never gave him anything, or bought him anything, or did anything for him, or took him out anywhere; it was always just Mom, Dad and her. Robbie had never been on vacation with them, preferring to stay with Joey; at least, that's what the parents had always said; but supposing they had told him he couldn't, or worse, never even bothered to ask him along? 

The birthday present had been a mean, shitty masterpiece, calculated to hurt, she now realised, Mom and Dad giving him a T-shirt, smirking like they were sharing the best joke in the world, with her giggling and rubbing it in because she'd just got a car. Now she remembered with painful clarity the hurt, lost look he'd had, and yet he'd still thanked them politely, humbly even, even though his face told them plainly that he'd come to the final recognition of just how little he meant to them. She and her parents had taken their meanest, lowest shot in a lifetime of petty meanness, and yet he'd still thanked them. In that one incident, Robbie had shown more grace under fire, more character than all the rest of his family, more courage in the face of adversity than the rest of them combined were capable of. 

She thought about how thoughtless and malicious they'd all been to him all his life; Birthday, Casey gets an iPod, Robbie gets a book, Christmas, Casey gets a laptop, Robbie gets a book, next birthday Casey gets a car, Robbie gets a T-shirt, her parents no doubt chuckling inside at the stricken look on his calm face each time he got handed the shit-end of the stick, nobody ever going out on a limb and actually being nice to him, not once. 

She remembered one occasion when she'd had to go into his room (room, hah! What a joke that was, an awkward little hutch of waste space that he'd been shoehorned into because there was no need to waste a real bedroom on him; it was only Robbie...) for some reason or other, and had smirked at how little there was in there, no trophies or medals, no TV or laptop, no stereo, nothing; God, he was such a loser! She'd noted on his little bookshelf 3 copies of the same book, all new looking, and giggled at the fact that they'd given him the same cheap book 3 years in a row, because no-one had ever bothered to ask him if he already had it. On his dresser, some battered plastic toy soldiers, and she'd sneered at him for being so juvenile; now she realised that they were there because they were all he had. Now it suddenly didn't seem so funny, mute evidence of just how little they thought of him. And what had she just said to her parents? 'It's only Robbie.....'

Casey stopped the car in a side street and, for the first time in her life, cried for her shy, soft-spoken, diffident big brother, for tuning him out, for hurting him so often, and for so long it had become second nature to her, to all of them. She cried for all the hurt and neglect, a lifetime of love and caring they'd withheld from him, for giving him a lifetime of not very much at all, realisation of her guilt drilling into her. When she got home, she ran into his tiny room and looked around. 

His battered closet stood empty, and she realised it was her old Barbie 'Princess' closet, her discarded child's closet handed to him to save them from actually having to give him something of his own, yet another reminder of how little he meant to them. His few possessions, his books and toy soldiers were gone; he'd taken them with him, and now there was no evidence he'd ever been there. Robbie really was gone for good. Casey sat on his bed and cried hot, useless tears, a pointless atonement that brought no solace, finally understanding what it really meant when you took everything from someone and left them with nothing.

When Joey came in, Sarah filled him in on what had happened, and for once didn't rein him in when he let loose a string of invective, feeling like doing the same thing herself. "Joey, Robbie's going to stay with us for a while, so I want the two of you to clear out the spare bedroom, fix it up for him, OK? I'm calling your uncle Frank, I need a favour."

When they came down from setting up the room, Sarah sat Robbie down. "Robbie, I think I know what you can do. My brother has a good friend who owns a video game company, software, that kind of thing, in the San Francisco Bay Area, Silicone Valley. I've asked him to talk to his friend, because Joey tells me you know a lot about game software and programming, it might be the place for you. Are you OK with that?"

He stammered out his thanks; this was beyond his wildest dreams, the most anybody had ever done for him...

Sarah had her brother call Robbie and talk to him, and he in turn conferenced-in his friend, Steve Vargas of GameStx. Steve had a long, genial but searching conversation with Robbie, then asked him if he'd excuse him, he would like to talk privately with Frank, That evening, Frank called Sarah, and told her what Steve Vargas had told him.

"Sally, I've never seen Steve so excited. Your young man is a genuine, bona-fide, dyed-in-the-wool software genius! Steve's astounded that someone who's not even graduated from High School could have such an instinctive grasp of high-level programming like Robbie has. Right now, Steve is trying to work an accounting deal to snare Robbie before Activision, Eidos or Microsoft find out about him and try and lure him in. I'm negotiating with Steve, because I think Robbie is going to be the next big thing in the games and gaming software world, and I want him to get the best deal possible -- the last thing I want is you chasing my scalp!"

Sarah listened with her mouth hanging open, delighted at the possibilities opening up for young Robbie at last.

"I'm holding out for an initial salary for him of $8,000 a month, from the way Steve was watering at the mouth, I think young Robbie will be worth that and more, so I'm sticking to my guns while Steve hums and haws, mostly for form's sake, I promise you; Robbie will be a valuable asset, and I know he'll go places, fast. Steve knows this too, so he'll cough-up, I promise you! When Robbie gets out here, he'll stay with me and Caitlin until he can find a place of his own--or not; I trust you and Joey's feelings about this boy, if you think he's a good kid, so will Caitlin and I."

The next day Steve Vargas called Robbie and offered him a position as a developer at their site in Palo Alto, on a salary of $96,000. In addition, he would be staying with Frank and his family in Morgan Hill until he could get his own place. Steve gave him as much time as he needed to put his affairs in order, and promised him some juicy projects to sink his teeth into as soon as he arrived. 

Robbie was a little shell-shocked at how quickly things had moved, and tried to stammer out his thanks to Sarah and Joey, but Sarah pooh-poohed his thanks, saying that was what family did for each other, and she was proud of both her boys. Joey punched him on the shoulder and threw him a coke to drink a toast, and that was all that needed saying

Robbie had a couple of weeks before he went, and he spent them with Sarah and Joey, Sarah buying him clothes and stuff he'd need, just hanging out, being part of a proper family for a while. The last thing Sarah did for him was something he never found out about.

Casey answered the knock at the door, and opened it to find Sarah standing there. She called her parents and asked Sarah to come in; Sarah, somewhat icily, politely declined.

"Steve, Angie, Your son needed $500 for air fare, I gave it to him, I would like it refunded please. He asked me not to divulge his whereabouts, and I promised not to; I take my promises seriously; in fact, I'm not too certain where he went myself. I would however just like to add a postscript of my own; Robbie is a quiet, sweet, serious, considerate, phenomenally talented young man with a genius-level IQ, which you'd know if you had ever bothered to attend even one of his guidance counselling sessions, or even just spoke to him once in a while; instead, you tried to crush him. God help you, you nearly succeeded." 

"He's gone a long way away, and he's never coming back; you nearly destroyed him, and he has no happy memories of here or you, nothing to come back to. He give me a message to give to you; 'Stay away from me,' and that goes for you as well, young lady."

"You didn't want him to exist, so now you're getting your wish; I hope you choke on it. A wise man once said, be careful what you wish for, you may get it'. You will all live to regret the day you decided to destroy that boy, and I fervently hope I'm here to see it. He's going to make a big splash one day, and you could so easily have been part of that, but instead you chose to ignore and neglect him. You drove him away, so now you get to live with it. He's gone, it would be best for all if you just convinced yourselves he never existed, because really, that's what you wanted all along, wasn't it? "

"All that aside, however, and just to satisfy my own personal curiosity, I have just one question for you, and I really would like an answer someday; what did he ever do to you to make you despise him so much? I'll leave you to ponder that, see if you can come up with an answer that doesn't make me sick to my stomach. In the meantime I'll take a check or cash. Just think, $500 to get rid of your son forever, I'd call that a bargain, wouldn't you? It would be the first, last, and only thing you ever did for your little boy, how good does that make you feel?" 

"One last thing; if you do try to find him, for whatever reason, I'll find out, and then Joey and I will make sure the whole town knows just how you nearly destroyed that poor child for no other reason than because you could; when that happens, people will cross the street just to spit on you; you don't discard your children because they can't play sports, do you hear me, Steven Dolan?"

Sarah left with her check, Angie and Casey crying, Steve ashen faced, the fact that their eldest child, their only son, was gone forever only now sinking in.

*

4 years passed. Robbie had quickly settled into his job at GameStx, working his way up from Developer to Team Leader to Project Manager, to Senior Game Designer at the incredible age of 22, designing and rolling out some of the most popular and biggest-selling multi-platform shoot 'em ups and fantasy games. 

He lived near Lake Merced in Daly City, a dormitory community for San Francisco in San Mateo County. He'd also to managed to attend college, at UCSF, juggling work and coursework, gaining a degree in Computer Science after getting his GED at night school. 

In a gesture typical of him, he'd been sending a large chunk of his salary back to Sarah every month; she needed help with Joey's college expenses, and Robbie was doing what any brother, any son, would do; helping his family where they needed it. He made only one condition, though; Joey was not to know; he wanted to do this for his best friend, his brother, but he didn't want him thinking he was a charity case. 

Joey stayed in close touch with Robbie. He was a regular visitor to San Francisco, working for a national insurance company with offices off Market Street, not far from the transformed Embarcadero, so they got together every few weeks to eat pizza, drink beer, argue about baseball, and rehash school days. 

In truth, part of the reason for Joey's frequent visits was at the urging of Sarah, although Joey also loved visiting his oldest friend. Sarah was concerned that Robbie was lonely; he had no girlfriend, no real social life other than Joey's regular visits, and Sarah was worried that he had become too introverted, job-oriented, and lonely. 

Still she had to admit, he'd changed a lot, changing more and for the better each time she saw him; he'd learned how to smile, and no longer peered at the world through pebble glasses; laser surgery had corrected most of his vision defects, and now he wore small thin lenses in fashionable spidery frames. He was still very fit, the training Joey had put him through had become ingrained habit, and he looked muscular, healthy, and confident -- and handsome, Sarah reminded herself.

So why no girl hanging on his arm; why no adventures among the fairer sex? With his looks, his build, and his sweet nature, he should have cut quite a swathe through the local female population, and yet...nothing. Sarah never mentioned these concerns to him, though; she was as proud of him as though he were her own son, and reckoned that, when he was ready to begin dating, he'd tell her. Robbie called her most evenings, if only to say 'Good night', only now she was no longer 'Mrs. Anderson'; now he called her Mom. He never asked her about his parents or Casey, and she never offered any information about them; he was well off out of there.

GameStx had satellite offices in Sacramento, Mountain View and Santa Clara, so Robbie spent a fair amount of time in one or other of them, as well as his own comfortable hutch in the main site in Palo Alto. He had become the face of the company with the distributors, his in-depth knowledge of the game source codes and his uncanny ability to innovate and embrace and build-in advanced applications and future-proofing capabilities enabling them to confidently pitch their products at new and un-tapped markets and data environments.

All meetings with the distributors usually took place in Sacramento, in a conference suite in one hotel or another, so when these meetings were in the offing, Robbie would book a room in the same hotel and drive up, preferring to stay overnight rather than drive back at the end of a long day, even though it was only a 100 mile drive from Daly City to Sacramento. This particular occasion was no different. He drove up early, wanting to check in and freshen up before the meeting. After checking in, he had half an hour to spare, so he decided to have a coffee in the lobby coffee shop, sitting and idly watching the guests and staff to and fro. 

One girl caught his eye. She looked familiar, and Robbie was puzzled; he didn't know anyone in Sacramento except the software team there, all male, but still she looked hauntingly familiar. She seemed to be some kind of hotel Customer Service rep, tall, slim, wearing a smart business suit in the hotel livery, dazzling bright bronze hair caught in a ponytail with a black scrunchie, and large hazel eyes. 

She looked up, caught Robbie's gaze and smiled, then froze, her eyes widening as she dropped her clipboard. She slowly walked towards him, still with that deer--in-a-headlight expression, and came up to stand in front of him, lip trembling. Her hand came out, as though to touch him and then dropped to her side, and two big tears rolled down her cheeks. Robbie was startled by the strange reaction this girl was having to him, but she was looking more and more familiar, maybe he'd place her soon, a colleague's sister, perhaps, or someone he'd once had drinks with, but why the tears? She sat down opposite him, and whispered, "Robbie!" confirming she knew him, but he still none the wiser. "Robbie, it is you! Robbie, it's been so long, where have you been? Oh God, Robbie!" Suddenly her face clicked into place. 

Casey.

His stomach rolled, and he felt hot and suddenly nauseous. He'd come half-way across the country to avoid ever meeting or speaking to his family ever again, and now here she was, the cause of all his problems in the first place, the one who'd denied him his life, the selfish little daddy's bitch herself!

He stared at her, anger flaring in his eyes, then stood up stiffly and marched to the desk, intending to cancel his booking, settle-up and leave, find another hotel to stay in, anywhere to avoid Casey, deny her existence before she ruined his life all over again.. 

"Wait, Robbie!" she called, and next thing her hand was on his arm, tugging him. Robbie tried to shake her off. 

"Leave me alone, you ruined my life, I don't want to hear, what? That you're sorry? Too fucking late for that, now let go and fuck off!" he hissed at her, aware she was causing a scene.

Casey kept hold of his arm, pulling him around to face her, grabbing hold of both his arms, looking at his face, into his eyes, tears running down her face. "Robbie, I am so truly, deeply sorry! Dear God, I've been looking for you for four years now, just so I could say that! If you want to tell me to fuck off, please, go ahead. I deserve it, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm sorry. Please Robbie, please, you're my big brother, and I treated you like shit, and I am so, very, very sorry."

Robby was silent, staring at her, listening to her voice, the longest conversation she'd ever had with him, said slowly "The whole family left me out my entire life, there was no room in your family for me, why would I care anything about you and your damned family? You did that to me and laughed; you stood by and laughed while they did that to me. I have no part in your family. Now, let me go. Why don't you just fuck off?" Casey flinched. "Didn't like that, did you? Imagine having every day like that, 18 years of 'fuck off', and then you say sorry. Not good enough! I told you to fuck off, why are you still here?"

Casey recoiled like she'd been slapped. "Robbie, please, don't leave me again!" she whispered hoarsely. "I never knew how much you meant to me until you were gone. I haven't had a moment's peace or proper night's sleep since you left, I just spent my nights wondering where you were and worrying about you, and being frightened, really, honest to God frightened, that someone even worse than us was hurting you even more, all over again! Please, I felt like a part of my soul had been sliced open because you were gone, the way I should have always felt about you. I was a failure as a sister. I failed you, and I forced you out. I know now what I did, and I've cried for you more nights than I can count, but I always hoped I'd find you one day and say 'I'm sorry, I need my brother, I want him back'. Please, give me a chance to make this right between us. Don't walk away from me again, Robbie, please!" 

She was crying openly now, other guests in the lobby staring at the big man making the girl cry; someone was bound to step in at some point soon. 

Robbie sat down, handed her his handkerchief, muttering "OK, you've said your piece, now will you please go? I have a meeting in a few minutes, and I don't have time for your whining; you say you've had no peace, good, I think it's right you suffer; you took everything from me, and you gave me nothing. You left me with nothing, so I don't have anything to give you; you want absolution? Find a priest, I'm all out. All I want is to never see or hear from you and your parents ever again. I got tired of being nobody in your lives, now I have a life of my own, one that none of you can take from me, and I like it that way. No going back, Casey, and no room for you. Why can't you understand that I loathe and despise you? Go cry your crocodile tears someplace else, I'm busy!""




Lost & Found Ch. 01



Just then a messenger arrived. "Mr. Anderson, your party has arrived, your meeting is in the Green Suite, please follow the signs to your left."

"Anderson?" whispered Casey.

"Of course I changed my name, Casey; did you really think I could stand to spend the rest of my life being one of you?" he murmured, furious at Casey for disturbing him so, for stirring up the old resentments, for being here when his life worked so well without her or any of the others.

The encounter had unsettled him, bringing all the old hurt and angers back to the surface, colouring his interaction with the distributors, paradoxically making them more eager than ever to invest in new product. Robbie was normally mild, compliant, amiable at these meetings, virtually rubber-stamping the distributors' requirements, letting them make suggestions and demands, confident he and the other programmers could come up with the right solution or work-around; it was what kept him on his game, constantly innovating to stay ahead of the pack. 

Now he drove them, brow-beating them into accepting his terms, refusing to compromise, bending them to his requirements, telling them what they'd get, not what they wanted to hear, and what it would now cost to get exactly what they wanted, promising them increased playability, more and faster levels of game-play, enhanced engines and adaptability, and future-generation capabilities and options in return.

The meeting broke up with happy faces all round, and as they filed out of the conference suite, there was Casey, waiting for him again, tears glimmering in her eyes. He sighed; much as he wanted to tell her to fuck off, forever, her persistence had also gotten to him, so he walked over to her.

"OK, you got me, so talk," he said. "Not here, Robbie, somewhere private, please!" she begged, so he acquiesced, taking her to his room.

Once inside, he got two sodas from the mini-bar, handed her one and sat down on the couch opposite her. "Talk, Casey, you wanted to talk, say your piece and leave!"

She sat with her hands in her lap, nervously twisting her fingers together, looking down, before beginning to speak, her voice hushed, and tears not far away.

"Robbie, what we did was unforgivable, and I can't ask you for forgiveness, I have no right, not after the way I treated you. Mom and Dad taught me to look down on you instead of looking up to you, and I was too young to understand how I was hurting you, even as I watched myself doing it; it was just easier to do it, watch Mom and Dad do nothing about it, do it again, because I could. I learned to forget I had a big brother, and I ignored the fact that he needed me. You were our punching bag, and all we ever did was dump on you." 

"I can never forgive myself for not being there for you. I'm sorry, truly sorry. I would give my right arm for the chance to turn back the clock, do it over again, but do it right. That's not possible, but I wanted you to know that's how I felt and how I feel now. I should have allowed myself to love my big brother, and I'm sorry, truly."

Robbie was mildly impressed; apparently she'd grown up a little, no longer the little airhead she was when he'd left.

"So, when did this realisation suddenly come on you?" he asked, unable to keep the twist of bitterness out of his voice, her head snapping up, eyes wide open as the question cracked out at her, eyes dropping once more, to answer him.

"Mrs Anderson told me what Mom and Dad had done to you. And it made me think of all the times where you weren't included or hadn't been allowed-in, all the things we did without you, the places we went and the vacations we had, all of them with a blank space where you should have been, and I realised I couldn't remember a single time I'd ever seen you happy, or smile, or be hugged, or...." Casey dissolved into tears, guilt and sorrow finally catching her again. 

Robbie handed her another handkerchief, and waited for her to compose herself. When she'd dried off a little, she continued. "I tried to find you, I really did. I asked everyone who knew you, put ads in local and national newspapers, searched the internet, nothing. I even risked asking Joey. The first time, he told me to fuck off, just like you did, and I deserved it. Eventually I got up the nerve to ask him again and he told me he hadn't seen or heard from you since you took off, asked me if I was proud of what I'd done, what we'd all done."

Robby smiled thinly. "Good old Joey, he always knew how to keep his mouth shut!"

Casey looked puzzled, and then understanding dawned. "Joey's always known where you were, hasn't he?" she asked wonderingly, and Robbie nodded.

"Of course. He did for me what family does; he had my back. He was always there when I needed him. He comes see me every so often, spends a week or so, and Sarah too. They're my family, they always were; they kept me from going insane around you and your people. Sarah's the only mother I ever had, not your mother, not Angie."

Casey's lip trembled as she realised just how deep was the cut he'd made to sever his link with her. "Poor, abandoned Robbie, they gave you what we should have, they kept you safe when we failed so miserably. I hope God will forgive me, I have no right to ask you to, but I just wanted you to know, I tried for so long to find you, just so I could tell you this. I'll go now; your secret's safe with me; Mom will never know where you are, she doesn't deserve to." She looked at him, tears still glimmering in her eyes. "We took everything away from you, and gave you nothing in return; I'm so sorry." 

Robbie had had enough of punishing her; she was obviously in distress, she seemed genuinely remorseful over what had gone before, and he was feeling sorry for her now, for her grief and sorrow, and to be completely honest, ashamed of himself for being so hostile in the face of her obvious pain. He stood up, and took her hand, gently urging to stand so he could help her dry her eyes, his compassionate nature reasserting itself as he guided her to the sofa. Sitting her down next to him, Casey buried her head in his shoulder as she sobbed, her arm around him, crying her guilt, and loss, and shame.

Eventually her sobs died away, Robbie patting her back as though she were three years old, hiccups giving way to murmuring as her grief played itself out, to look up at him."I'm sorry, I got your jacket all wet" she smiled, tremulously, Robbie just smiled back, the first real smile she'd ever seen on him, she realised with a shock, tears starting in her eyes again. 

Robbie looked at her quizzically, and she smiled tremulously. "I've never seen you smile before, it's lovely, you have such a sweet smile." Her face clouded up. "That's something else we have to pay for; we stole your smile. Oh Robbie, you poor boy! How you must have hurt!" Casey hugged him tight, pulling herself against him.

Robbie held her helplessly as she dry sobbed, the years of guilt flaring up again. He was nonplussed. He'd not dealt with a situation like this before, so he resorted to once again patting her back, varying it with smoothing her hair and making soothing noises as she burrowed against him, hands clutching at him as she shook and sobbed. Finally, in desperation, he put both his arms around her and hugged her close, reflecting that this seemed to be a day for firsts; hugging his sister was a first for him, as was she hugging him, talking to him, and smiling at him.

Eventually she let go of him, wiping her eyes, as she straightened herself up, smiling shyly at him and getting a shy smile in return, then pulling herself closer to him, leaning on him as she collected her thoughts. 

"Robbie, Mom won't hear from me where you are, or who you are now. How you want to deal with the parents is up to you, not a word from me, I promise. I looked back though the family photo albums, looking for a picture of you; but they all start with me. You never got to have a yearbook picture taken, so we don't even have that to remind us of what you look like; not that I ever needed it, but to see nothing in our family record only made it worse; we never included you at all, in anything. I couldn't believe we have almost no record of you at all, virtually no sign you'd ever been part of the family, just one anonymous baby picture, without even Mom and Dad holding you; it could be a picture of anyone, not even a member of the family..."

Robbie looked sideways at her. "Because I wasn't, don't you know that yet?" immediately regretting the tone and comment as she flinched.

She continued nervously. "The word got out about...you know, us, and Dad's business suffered, some graffiti around town, smashed windows, some contracts cancelled, so he paid, but only in a very small way. You remember Karen, Joey's girlfriend? She was on the squad with me, and, I guess Joey told her what had happened; she cornered me in the locker room and slapped me around; she was really furious. She passed the word around, and then the whole school was mad at me, even the other girls in the squad; if I'd ever looked, I'd have realised just how many people liked you, looked up to you even. The whole school knew about the scholarship, the principal had already made a plaque for you, the first Berkeley Computer Science scholarship ever awarded to one of his students; he had a ceremony planned for you, everything; he was furious with me, he wanted to suspend me. I was going to leave, change schools, get away somehow, but Mom made me stay, forced me to stay, really, and made me graduate. On Graduation Day, everyone cold-shouldered me, no one clapped, people booed me, and I deserved it. I guess that, more than anything, brought home to me what I'd done, what I allowed to happen."

Robbie glanced at his wallet on the table, the picture of him with Joey and Karen at their engagement party last year in San Francisco in the inside cover, and returned his gaze to Casey. He thought briefly what she'd said, about Karen; she'd said nothing to him at the party about confronting Casey.

"So, Robbie, what do you do that brings you to Sacramento?" asked Casey tremulously, visibly trying to lighten the mood.

He grinned. "I'm a game designer, I'm here meeting the distributors to thrash out what the requirements will be for the next generation of games; you know, nerd-stuff!" 

Casey smiled back. "Sounds complicated, Sarah told us you were very smart, she obviously wasn't wrong!"

He was pleased Casey thought he was bright, and it unsettled him; why should he care what she thought? But he did. Casey, on the other hand was remembering the feel of him when she hugged him; as far as she could tell, he was all muscle, his chest felt like teak, solid dense muscle mass, his arms like steel cables in their firmness and rigidity. She'd never looked at him properly before, so she'd never realised he was so tall, or so toned. 

He'd taken his jacket off, and she could see he must have at least a 42" chest, tapering down to probably a 30" waist, wide shoulders, and long legs with tight muscular buttocks. She realised with a start she was checking out her brother, and had to admit to herself, with his expression of mild good humour restored, his wavy, bright chestnut hair, his soft brown eyes and his upright posture, he was a very attractive young man. 

This disturbed her; she was not supposed to think this way about her brother, especially one she had treated so badly he'd run away and disappeared.

"So Casey, what are you doing tonight, boyfriend, fiancé, plans? Because if you have none, I'm at a loose end, perhaps we can get dinner, tell me about your life!" said Robbie, surprising himself, but also wanting to make it up to her a little after setting-off her grief-stricken outburst with his own hard-edged hostility. Casey smiled. "I'm free now, and no, no boyfriend. If I can freshen up, I'll take you around my home town; perhaps show you places you don't know yet."

"Wait, you live here now?" asked Robbie, "what about your parents?"

Casey grinned. "I did a degree in Hospitality and Hotel Management at UC Davis, now I'm working in the graduate intern program for this hotel chain. I'm done for the week, so I'm free, we can take your car or mine, there are some good restaurants I know!"

They went down to the parking garage, where Casey gaped at Robbie's car, a Storm-Gray Bentley Continental GT, insisting on walking around and looking at it from all angles. "Wow! What a car, Robbie, you must be doing well!" she gasped, and Robbie grinned shyly. "I got lucky with a game last year, the royalty payments bought it. Actually, it was Joey's idea, that way he gets to drive it around when he comes to see me!

They explored the town a little, Casey showing him some of the less well known parts, before settling on a nice little steak house, enjoying their first ever meal together as brother and sister. After the meal, they talked about their lives. Casey admitted that, after he'd left, she'd been almost paralysed with guilt, and it had taken intensive therapy to make her face that guilt before she could function normally again. Steve and Angie had become almost recluses, aware of what they'd done but unwilling to accept their guilt, still completely emotionally constipated when it came to him, instead shutting themselves away in their business.

They moved on to lighter topics; his studies, her choice of a career in Hospitality, her ambitions to move into Corporate Leisure Management one day.

At last they broke it up, Casey had something she needed to do at home in the morning, and Robbie was supposed to be heading home himself for a long weekend, so he took her back to the hotel to get her car, and invited her back to his room for a nightcap. 

By now, they were at ease in each other's company, friends at last, and, after sitting and chatting for a while, Casey made to leave, so Robbie stood, Casey hugging him, pulling his head down for a peck on the cheek. She maintained the hug, thinking to herself, "It could have been like this years ago, all along, why the hell did I have to treat him so badly?" and pulled him down to kiss his cheek again in apology, but changed her mind on an impulse, kissing him on the lips instead, startling him into immobility, and then his arms wrapped around her as he drew her in, his lips parting as he kissed her back, with her tongue slipping into his mouth to touch his tongue momentarily. Her arms tightened around his neck as she clung to him. They stayed locked together for a few more moments, lips pressed together as she probed his mouth with her tongue, then drew back to look into each other's eyes.

"What the hell was that that?" he murmured, looking at her as he felt his lips tingling from the pressure of her soft lips, the slightly stunned expression on her face, and the feel of her pressed against him. Casey was the first to move, stroking his face with her fingertips, running her hand through his hair, tipping his lips with her fingertips, looking at him closely. "You know, Robbie, I spent so much time looking at myself, I never noticed how cute you are!" she smiled. "Just imagine, I had a hottie of my very own in my home all the time, and I never noticed him!" 

Robbie flushed, embarrassed at what she said. Casey looked at him closely. "Has no-one ever told you what a cute boy you are, Robbie? Someone must have tried to take a bite at some time, surely!"

He flushed even deeper. "Truth is, Casey, after all that ....business at home, I sort of avoided any...contact with other people, other than work-related, and to be honest, well, you're the first girl who's ever kissed me...." he trailed off, looking away in embarrassed confusion.

Casey pulled his face back round so she could look at him properly. "Robbie, are you honestly trying to tell me you've never been kissed, that you're still a virgin? A gorgeous guy like you? Oh my God, what a waste!"

He tried to explain. "Look, where I work, the type of work we do, there's not a lot of scope for meeting girls, all the developers and programmers are guys like me, so we sort of lean into it, worry about deadlines and delivery milestones, long hours and long weeks. Romance kind of gets left at the starting gate...."

Casey was incredulous. Her mind seemed to be thinking on two tracks at once; one track was thinking; back home, a body like his, looks like his, he would have been mobbed by every unattached girl in sight, and not a few attached ones as well, and he had no inkling just how gorgeous he really was; this was just too much!

But the other track was thinking more sobering thoughts; did we really push him so far into himself that he's incapable being aroused, of having a sexual relationship? Dear God, what have we done to him?

"Robby," she began, "I think you and I should talk, but not here, over there" pointing to the bed. "Come with me!" So saying, she led him to the bed, pulling off his tie and undoing his top button. Robbie sat down on the bed, Casey slipping off her jacket and pulling her blouse out of her waistband, taking off her cravat, and undoing the top two buttons of her blouse. She kicked off her shoes and slid onto the bed, patting it beside her, beckoning Robbie up to lie down next to her, confusion and trepidation showing on his face.

"Relax, Robbie, I'm not going to bite you!" not yet anyway, she thought to herself. "Robbie, have you ever wondered about, you know, girls, relationships and sex, and what to do, and how to get the most out of it?" 

He blushed scarlet. "Well, I sort of know the basics and I always thought.....umm, er, no, not really, I don't know about it, no," he admitted, flushing again. "Why are you asking me, why do you want to know?"

"Robbie, did you never look on the internet at home, anywhere?" 

Robbie mumbled "No, I didn't have a computer at home." No, you didn't, did you? I did, but you had nothing you poor, lost, boy, she thought, guiltily. 

"We can't use the internet at work, for obvious reasons, and I won't have a PC or laptop at home, not after sitting on one 14 hours a day at work. So no, I don't have any reason or inclination to surf the internet, if that's what you're asking!"

No curiosity at all! How deep does this go? What else have we done to him? thought Casey.

"Relax, Robbie, relax and kiss me, you do it good and I want you to kiss me again!" smiled Casey, sliding down to pull Robbie toward her, his hand falling onto her flat stomach. She pulled his head down to her, her lips finally meeting his, her hand resting on the back of his head as he kissed her softly, almost tasting her, his tongue darting in to lick and brush against her tongue, their breathing rates increasing as they kissed and tasted each other's lips and tongues. 

Robbie broke, to look at her strangely. "We shouldn't be doing this; you're my sister, this is what boyfriends and girlfriends do, not brothers and sisters. We have to stop this right now!" Suddenly, all the past humiliations, all the loss and the life denied, the hurt he'd endured from this girl flared up inside him. He pulled away from her, looked at her, anger flashing in his eyes. 

This was Casey! Everything she'd done to him, everything she'd taken from him, now she wanted to make out with him? Not gonna happen! One evening of friendly chat, and she wanted to waltz back into his life? Pretend nothing happened? No!

Casey looked at him in confusion, seeing his eyes flash and harden, sensing a shutter slamming down behind his eyes, and now he was getting back off the bed, looking at her strangely, hostility creeping into his gaze.

"This was a bad idea, Casey, I should never have invited you here, spoken to you, everything. I don't need you in my life. You found me, you've said what you needed to say, I hope that eased your burden, now you should go, so please leave, I have an early start tomorrow." 




Lost & Found Ch. 01



Tears started in her eyes as she realised she'd moved too fast for him, that he was so deeply hurt, so damaged, that anything more she did tonight would just push him away all over again, even further this time, and then he truly would be gone forever.

"Robbie," she began, her eyes bright with unshed tears, "I don't know what happened just now, but I promise you, I will try and make up to you for what you lost, and for what I did. Please don't lock me out the way I did with you, you're better than that. I found you again; maybe we can find each other this time. Oh, Robbie, you were my big brother, and I should have held you close; let me keep hold of you now, I swear I won't ever let you go again, on my life!"

Robbie's head was whirling. He wanted to believe her, she sounded sincere, but this was Casey! The one person in the world he knew, with a rigid and unbending certainty, he couldn't trust, selfish, irresponsible, cruel, capricious and uncaring as she was. How did he know this wasn't just an act, a way of taking something more from him, looking for another way to deprive him of what he had?

"How can I trust you, Casey?" he finally managed, "after all that's gone before, after all you did, and knowing how much you cost me, how can I trust you? Would you trust someone like you?" 

Casey cringed back from the bitterness in his voice, the anguish for all his lost days bubbling below the surface, asking her the one question she dared not answer, because any answer she gave would damn her in his eyes. 

"Robbie," she whispered, "come back, sit down, please, let me show you how much I care, how much I've missed you, how much I want to be in your life again, please!"

He sat down, suddenly weary with the whole thing, wishing it were all over, that he'd never caught her eye in the lobby, that he'd never come to Sacramento this day of all days. Tears started in his eyes as the memories of how little his family had thought of him, how little they'd done for him or given him spun and echoed through him, ghosts he thought he'd laid to rest long ago, and his tears spilled over, running freely. For the first time in his life, he cried, for his loss, for the family life so casually denied him, for the careless abandonment he'd endured, for the cruel rejection that he'd done nothing to deserve, while Casey held him close, all his grief and pent-up loss and anguish finally bursting out, a silent flood of tears as the past reclaimed him. 

Casey held on to him, smoothing his hair as he cried, frightened by the depth of his grief. All her life she'd ignored him, and now she was remembering how, even as a little boy, when he was denied or ignored, he had never cried, just turned his face away and waited for attention that never came. Sarah had said they would pay, now Casey understood fully what she meant, her heart fragmenting with the knowledge of what she'd done to this poor, sweet, damaged boy, and how he was still paying for it. She cursed herself for being so stupid, so eager to pull him back, she should never have come back with him, he'd let her back in, and now he was paying all over again. He'd left because he wanted to be gone, why couldn't she have let him stay gone, do that one thing for him?

She pulled him closer to her, cradling his head, tears on her cheeks as she watched her big, sweet, innocent brother collapse in on himself, all his defences crumbling as the long-suppressed past finally tore him apart.

Casey pulled herself further back along the bed, sliding her legs over and behind Robbie, sitting upright to gently pull and urge him to lie against her, still cradling his head as he leaned against her shoulder, stroking his face, whispering to him, hot tears of shame and guilt rolling silently down her face. 

At last the shaking stopped, but his arm remained around her waist, clinging to her, Casey still whispering and murmuring into his hair as she rested her head against his, soothing him and letting him know she was there.

And now he slept, absolutely still, immobile, barely a breath sound to indicate he was still alive. Casey cradled his head in her lap, tears coursing down her cheeks as she wept silently and hopelessly, wracked with guilt for all the days she'd taken from him, the life he should have lived, the person he should have been, for the outcast they'd allowed him to become for want of a kind word or gesture. As she wept, she cast about in her mind for something, anything she'd done for him, in all his life, and found nothing. 

Sarah had been right -- payment had come due, and it was a harsh and bitter tariff. She'd tried to save him to save herself, and this was the result. Why hadn't she just done the right thing and let him be alone and away from them, the one gift she could have given him that would have meant something? He'd made a new life far from the pathetic travesty of his old one, and now here she was, destroying that as well.

Casey looked down at his sleeping face, young and untroubled in repose, the face of the quiet little boy who had learned far too young that 'no' was the only word his family had for him, and cursed herself for leaving him out of her life, their lives, stroking his young face and crying anew for the simple warmth and love he'd been denied for no other reason than because he wasn't good enough to be one of them.

Robbie woke with a start in the early morning sunlight, confused and disoriented, his head in someone's lap. He was still dressed, and someone was holding him.

"Good morning!" said a soft voice, and he looked up, memory flooding back as he recognised Casey. She smiled at him, stroking his hair, still a new sensation for him, and very pleasurable, comforting and affectionate. 

"You fell asleep. I didn't want to wake you, so I stayed here with you; it was very nice, actually; you obviously needed the rest, and I don't often get to hold such a handsome boy all night!" 

Her expression and light tone conveyed nothing of the worry she'd felt all night as he lay motionless, afraid she'd locked him into some kind of traumatic, catatonic shell, breathing a sigh of relief when he'd finally wakened, confused but alert. With his awakening had come a rush of relief, and something else, a profound feeling of love and protectiveness for her brother, all the loss and anguish coalescing into a steely determination to keep him close and keep him safe, to keep him near her always and never let him go again. 

Robbie stared at her in confusion tinged with wonder. It was Casey, someone he should be avoiding at all costs, that he'd run away from, yet all he could think of was how warm she was, how sweet her smile was, how good she felt as she held him close, and how pretty she was. His head was clear, and when he thought of her and what she'd done, there were only memories, lucid but remote, no anger, no hatred, just images and incidents, like scenes from a movie, remembered in detail, but holding no emotional impact.

"I'm, I'm sorry, you must have been...uncomfortable, I didn't mean to....!" he began, but Casey just smiled at him, touching her finger to his lips. "It's OK Robbie, I enjoyed watching you sleep, you looked so restful, it was a pleasure watching over you, really." she smiled.

Robbie was enjoying her fingers stroking her hair, it really was restful and comforting, and slid his head further into her lap, luxuriating in the sensation of soft fingers twining and stroking his hair, gentle and compassionate. "You must be so tired," he offered, "You sat there all night, like that. What happened?" he asked, memory vague as to how he'd got here.

Casey stroked his face as she gathered her thoughts. "You were in a pretty bad way, Robbie. I thought at first you were having a breakdown, not that I'd blame you, not after all we put you through, and I knew that you needed me, and it seemed only right, so I held you while you cried. I think it was good for you; you had a peaceful night. I know, because I watched you to make sure nothing happened to you, but you slept like a baby."

Robbie stared at her, wondering at the change in her, the old Casey no longer evident. He moved his head from her lap to lie stretched on the bed, head on the pillow, and took her hand, shyly kissed her palm, her fingertips, saying "Thank you for staying, Casey, I guess I did need you after all. Can I hug you? Can I hug my little sister to say I'm sorry for being such an asshole?" 

Casey smiled, and slid down the bed to lie next to him, stretching out. "Ooh, this feels nice, so nice!" she smiled. Robbie, feeling guilty for depriving her of a night's sleep, pulled her in for a chaste, brotherly hug, Casey wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in tighter, lips brushing his cheek. 

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Robbie, and I meant what I said," she said, "I won't let you go again!"

He hugged her as closely as he dared, remembering how slight she was, snugging her up close against him, feeling happy for the first time in a long, long time, and still slightly amazed that he was hugging Casey, of all people! She gently ruffled the back of his head, and he let her go, pulling back so he could look at her, smiling, genuinely happy to see her there smiling back at him. He lightly touched her face, her nose, lips, forehead, between her eyes, her chin, features he only vaguely remembered in isolation, and kissed her forehead, brotherly and proper. 

Casey watched him connect with her his way, feeling a deep surge of...something, more than just familial kinship and love, as he explored her features, really looking at her for the first time in his life.

"You know," he began, "I never really got a good look at you, isn't that weird? I mean, I know what you look like, but if I were asked to describe you, I'd be stumped, I never really saw you. Guess I learned really early not to look at you too closely. Is that weird, or what?" he grinned. "Yesterday morning, in the lobby, I saw you, looked closely at you, but I still couldn't recognise you, and you're my sister, how fucked-up is that!" He laughed, a gentle, healthy laugh, no tinge of bitterness or anger.

Casey shook her head. "Not as much as all that, Robbie. When I first saw you come into the lobby and sit down, you walked right past me, I looked right at you, and nothing, at least not on the surface. Something inside rang a bell, though, and when I looked at you again, when you caught my eye, that's when all the bells rang at once. It just goes to show, it's possible to look at someone all your life, and still never actually see them."

She burrowed down, snuggling into his chest, and gently stroked his face. "I'll tell you now, though, I'll never stop seeing you again, Robbie, that's a promise!"

So saying, she gently pulled his chin down, and kissed him on the cheek, and Robbie turned her face to him, to kiss her on the lips, gently probing with his tongue. Casey's lips parted to touch his tongue tip with hers, their tongues sliding past each others' lips, exploring and tasting each other, attraction flaring between them.

Robbie broke for a second to look at her, smiling. "I remember this, last night. I got a bit difficult then; I promise I won't do that again, OK? I want to do this with you; it feels right, now, and it feels good. Do you want to do this with me?"

For answer, Casey pulled him close, kissing him long and deeply, her arms holding him close as she lovingly kissed this beautiful, sweet boy, a clean excitement building in her, not understanding what it was she was feeling for him, but untroubled by their sibling-hood, only concerned that this naive boy-man possess her as she now wanted to possess him. His simple humanity, his lack of guile and pretence, his obvious need for her and the love she could give him drew her in powerfully, filled her with a profound need to reciprocate his feelings, to keep him as the boy he was, to protect and keep that innocent inner-self of his intact. 

Casey was at a loss to explain to herself how and why she felt like this, because she'd never experienced anything like this flood of feelings and emotions for any man, let alone her brother, but anyone with a less cluttered history could have put her straight in an instant. Casey was falling in love.

They kissed for a long, satisfying while, both of them enjoying the sensations of each others' lips and tongues, before Casey moved away from him to stand and quickly wriggle out of her skirt and lie back down, smiling at him, gently stroking his face. "Robbie, I want to feel and hold you properly!" she whispered. He looked at her blankly, confusion in his eyes, and she urged him to stand, and began tugging open his belt. 

His eyes widened and then he grinned uncertainly, unclipping his cuff-links and unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it off and dropping it to a chair, undoing his belt and taking off his pants to drape them over the chair, levering off his shoes and pulling off his socks to finally stand in his shorts in front of her. Casey gave a long slow intake of breath. His well-developed body was ripped and toned, rippling and corded with muscle, every one sharply defined, skin clear and healthy-looking, clear evidence that he took his exercise regime seriously. "You're beautiful, Robbie" she smiled, "please, come here, I need you to hold me, I want to hold you!"

He slid onto the bed, Casey pulling his head close so she could kiss him again, taking his hand and resting it on her flank, letting him get used to the feeling of feminine skin, the sensation of holding someone close. Robbie sighed, closing his eyes to let his tactile senses savour the feel of her warm, smooth, silky skin. She pulled in closer, softly kissing him, feeling his hand move up and down her thigh to knead and stroke the taut flesh, then moving to her smooth, firm butt-cheek, sliding down and around to cup it under the tight cotton panties. 

Casey murmured as she kissed him, encouraging sounds as he explored, touching someone else intimately for the first time in his life. Her hand slid down to his waist, further down to brush against his groin, to feel the hardness growing there. Her eyes widened in appreciation, and she began gently rubbing and squeezing him as he kissed her harder, enjoying the feel of her hands on his manhood, the first time he'd been touched in this way. He was sweating now, a new, tight sensation growing in his groin at her touch, his scrotum suddenly feeling tight against him, and a strange, pleasant feeling of expectancy, something imminent, in his groin and behind his scrotum.

Casey sat up on the bed, slowly unbuttoning her blouse, showing her lacy white bra underneath, and slid it off to toss it off the bed, then slid her hair scrunchie off, shaking out her hair to fall around her shoulders. Next she slid along the bed, stretching out, resting her head on one hand, arm bent at the elbow, her legs crossed at the ankle. Robbie stared and swallowed, smiling, and Casey watched the front of his shorts as the bulge there became much more noticeable, beginning to tent the front of his shorts.

She began once more gently rubbing the front of his shorts, kissing him as the bulge continued to grow. "Robbie, please, pull your shorts down" she whispered, Robbie doing so immediately, looking at her uncomprehendingly, but trustingly. His cock immediately slapped against his belly, 7 inches or so, swollen, thick, solid and heavy. Casey looked at it with a happy glint in her eye. "It's beautiful, Robbie, really, very sexy!" she said, as she started gently squeezing his shaft, pumping it with her hand as she kissed him, making the tight sensation deep inside him intensify. Casey clamped her lips over his, kissing him deeply as she pumped him, her other hand busily rubbing and caressing her own sex, frigging herself as she pumped him, while for Robbie that sensation of something imminent became intense. 

Suddenly the pleasure was more intense than anything he'd ever felt before, heat somewhere behind the root of his penis and a tingling, almost a buzzing in the tops and backs of his thighs. His scrotum tightened as his ears simultaneously rang and popped, and a great spurt of semen shot out of him, splashing over his belly and Casey's hand, spattering his midsection almost to his chest, spurt after spurt pumping out as he cried out loud in the extremity of his pleasure, this new sensation almost blacking him out, his eyesight dimming and blurring as his eyes rolled back in his head, his abs tightening as his body arched. She pumped his cock continuously as he spurted, kissing him and stroking his face, urging him on, until he stopped ejaculating, his twitching penis beginning to subside.

He lay winded, chest heaving, beyond speech, as Casey fished a handful of tissues out of the night-stand and carefully wiped his sperm off him, her hand, and his cock. She was tempted to lick him dry, but held back; he was still a virgin, with no idea about oral sex, better to take it one step at a time, she didn't want to scare him all over again.

"Casey... that was...that was amazing! What happened there, it felt so...wonderful, painful, but so good, I thought my heart was going to burst!" he finally gasped, and Casey realised that this was the first time he'd ever orgasmed, that he'd never masturbated because he didn't know he could, or how; his lonely isolated life as he grew-up had left huge, tragic gaps in his experience of the world and how it worked, and had left him almost a total innocent, ignorant of the most basic human drives and urges, and how to relieve them.

Blinking back tears for this deprived, deserted boy, older than her, but so much younger in so many important ways, she smiled and whispered in his ear "It's called an orgasm, and it gets better, Robbie, lots better, would you like to see how?" He nodded eagerly, so Casey now pulled him round to face her. "Now, Robbie, kiss me, and hold me, would you do that for me?" He nodded, pulling her close to share a long slow kiss, his hands sliding down her body to cup and squeeze her firm cheeks, the act coming to him naturally, feeling somehow right. "This feels nice, Casey, do you mind?" he asked, and for answer she kissed him even harder. 

Now he slid his hands into her panties, squeezing and kneading the warm taut flesh of her buttocks, edging her panties down, more out of instinct than any other desire just yet.

"Take them off me, Robbie!" she whispered into his lips, before resuming kissing him, and he did so, pushing them down and pulling them off, one leg at a time, to feel her pubic hair rub softly against his penis, the sensation making it jump and that feeling of tightness again as it began to grow hard again, firming up and standing out again as they kissed. 

"Take my bra off, please" she whispered, "it unhooks at the back!" she smiled, seeing his momentary confusion. He obliged by reaching up from her taut buttocks and unclipping it, Casey quickly shrugging out of it. Immediately, Robbie felt her stiff nipples rubbing against his chest, and broke their kiss to look down at her bare breasts, the nipples poking into him as she dragged them back and forth across his chest. 

He'd seen pictures of bare breasts before, but Casey's were much smaller than the huge balloon things the women in the pictures had, much more elegant, sexy and feminine, not blowsy or pendulous, and he felt a rush of excitement at seeing them, long-dormant instincts taking over to make him dip down and lick and nibble lightly at the pink points rubbing so sweetly across his chest. 

Casey started, and giggled. "That's right Robbie; yes, do that, that's so nice, gently, ohhh...yesss!" 

Pleased that he was doing something that she liked, he carried on, varying the pressure between licking, sucking and nibbling, Casey encouraging him, telling him to slow down or change pace, teaching him how to please her. At last, she rolled away from him, lying on her back, Robbie seeing that her pubic hair was trimmed and neat, a small heart-shaped patch of short light brown hair tufted at the very tip of her slit. Her labia were clearly visible, hairless folds of succulent flesh puffed-out and blushing pink as they began to engorge, little highlights of moisture glinting in the summer morning sunshine. He'd never seen pictures of women's' genitalia before, so he was fascinated, but could also feel his penis hardening even further, instincts long-suppressed or never expressed coming to the fore. 




Lost & Found Ch. 01



Casey pulled him to her, urging him to climb over her, parting her legs so he was taking his weight on his knees and elbows between her thighs while she kissed him, hands alternating between holding and caressing his face and hair, and fondling and squeezing his scrotum and penis. Now she gently pulled his penis down, whispering instructions to him, Robbie shuffling forward, Casey guiding and directing him until he slipped into the entrance to her pussy, delighting in the wet warmth that enveloped the head as he slipped in. 

She directed his penetration, easing him when he pushed too hard, encouraging him when he would stop because she was gasping, assuring him that she was enjoying every second. At last he was in, and now she directed him to withdraw and push in again, buried instinct again taking over as he pumped slowly, pacing himself. Casey held him and moved against him as she brought herself on, rubbing and grinding against him. As his excitement rose, Robbie speeded up until he was pumping as fast as he could, with Casey groaning and sighing as she built towards her climax, Robbie approaching that peak with her, pacing her as he paced himself. 

They came together, Casey shuddering and gasping as Robbie once more climaxed, his eyesight whiting-out, that place inside and behind his scrotum clenching and spasming, shooting jets of sperm into her hot tight pussy. He groaned with the force of his ejaculation, pleasure almost too much to bear blasting through him as he rammed and hammered his cock into her, pumping long ropes of sperm deep into her womb, until the last drop of semen had been expelled. 

At last, shaking with reaction, he backed himself out of her, to fall over next to her on the bed, smiling back when she smiled at him."Thank you Robbie," she smiled, "that was amazing! You're now officially no longer a virgin!" He grinned to hear the humor in her voice. He waited until his heart stopped hammering so fast, breath finally returning at last, and rolled over to face her, resting on one elbow, curious about something.

"Casey, tell me something. Did you have an ...or...orgasm, sort of like mine I mean, there at the end?" She pulled herself close to him, kissed him softly, saying "You gave me a great orgasm, Robbie, one of the best ever, thank you for being so considerate. Always remember, when you do what we did, with me or any other girl, you have to think of her, too, make sure she gets as much pleasure as you did. If you orgasm, and leave the girl without one, she probably won't want to do it with you again, so promise me you'll always think of her first, OK? And there are so many other things you can do, or she can do for you; what we just did was just a part of it, and a lot of girls like to do the other things as well. We'll try some of those another time soon, OK?" 

Robbie nodded, wide-eyed, and kissed her gently. "Thank you for telling me, I'll remember, but I only want to do this with you, Casey, I swear."

Casey felt her heart suddenly sing, a single pure note thrilling to his words, not understanding why, but looked at him curiously, asked the question. "That's very flattering, and very sweet, but why? Robbie, you're a very cute guy, and there's a whole world of girls out there; you should have some adventures; just remember what I told you. But I repeat, why only me?"

He replied in a low voice. "Because I only want you. You looked for me when I was gone, you never gave up, and you were sorry and tried to make it right. I was rude, disgusting and hateful to you, which was very wrong of me, Mom-Sarah taught me better than that, she taught me that two wrongs don't make a right, now I finally understand that. What you did was wrong, yes, but you didn't know it; I knew I was wrong to say those things to you, and yet I still said them, just to make you hurt, and it didn't make any difference inside, it didn't make what happened go away, or make me feel any better about it all. It was mean and small, and cruel, and I'm sorry. When I saw how I hurt you, it made me feel sick inside, not better; I may be your big brother, but that also means you're my little sister, and I'm not supposed to make you cry. Please forgive me, Casey, I won't ever do it again." 

Casey listened with tears starting in her eyes, her own heart breaking as he poured his heart out, and she knew it was the truth he was speaking; he didn't know how to lie, he didn't possess that filter between his true thoughts and what he thought others wanted to hear him say, so he spoke the truth; that was all he knew, dismissing 18 years of hurt and neglect in a couple of sentences.

She pulled herself into him, holding herself tightly against him, crying silently, wishing the world had been kinder to him, that she'd been kinder. Thank God his sweet nature was intact, that the travesty of family life they'd subjected him to hadn't shredded him and left only the bitterness behind. One thought echoed in her head as she cried; Sarah Anderson had taught him; not his mother, not his family; it took an outsider to bring him up properly! How spectacular would this boy have been if only his own family had cared about him?

Eventually, her tears calmed, Robbie stroking her hair and murmuring to her, holding her close and comforting her. He held her out to look at her, making her smile at his frank scrutiny. "So, are we good now?" he asked her, and she smiled and nodded. 

"Always Robbie, I will never leave you out again, I want you to be my big sweet boy and I'll be your only girl forever, OK?" 

"It's a deal!" He grinned back, gently kissing her to seal it. Somewhere deep inside her, she felt a profound 'click, and she knew then with perfect clarity that she would always be there for this special, wonderful boy, that she could never be anything but what he needed her to be.

He lay back, smiling at the ceiling, truly happy for probably the first time in his life. Eventually he thought to look at his watch; almost time to check out, just time for a quick shower. He jumped off the bed, heading into the bathroom, Casey trailing behind him, wanting a shower too. They showered together, Robbie taking the time to fully see and admire her slim, trim figure, her neat pert breasts and firm rounded posterior, her long, athletic, dancer's legs and flat stomach, Casey meantime smoothing her hands over his muscular, sculpted arms and chest, squeezing and admiring his solid buttocks and running her hands over his wash-board stomach and columnar thighs.

While they were drying-off, Robbie asked her what she was doing for the next couple of days. 

"I have something I need to do at home, but it can wait, if there's something you need, cutie!" she grinned.

Robbie blushed. "I was wondering if you'd like to come down to the Bay Area for a few days, hang out with me, let me show you my home-town, a thank you, if you like. I'm owed some time off, quite a lot of time off, actually, so I could perhaps spend some of it with you, unless you..."

Casey debated for a few seconds, then picked up her cell, called the Management Office, and requested a few sick days. That done, she dimpled at him. "Right, I'm good, let's get out of here!"

They packed up, checked out, and Robbie drove behind her to her home, so she could drop off her car and get some clothes, her room-mates goggling at the car picking her up. They made the 100 mile journey in just under 2 hours; I-80 was slightly congested, making the going a little slow, but it was a journey he'd made many times, although never with such a pretty companion, he mused, watching her luxuriate in the decadently soft parchment calfskin upholstery.

Robbie's apartment was a low condo near the lake, off Gellert, with an underground secured parking garage. Casey thought it a little sparse, a main room with just a few pieces of furniture and a gigantic plasma, and a king-size bed in the main bedroom. "That's more like it!" she thought happily to herself. There was a second, obviously spare bedroom with a more standard bed in it and some closets. 

After they'd stowed their stuff, she and Robbie caught a bus up to the BART station to go into San Francisco, window shop, and try out some of the culinary delights available in Babylon-by-the-Bay. Robbie's favourite was a place up near Broadway, with a twin menu; beef or buffalo, and he and Casey worked their way through a gigantic meatball sandwich, apparently one of the best in town.

After a day of sightseeing, riding cable cars up and down California Street, and watching cars slaloming down Lombard Street, they headed back, Casey watching Robbie carefully, making sure he was OK. She was still worried about any possible emotional fall-out from the previous night, and was watching for any signs of stress or agitation that might mark another episode; but he seemed cheerful, happy, relaxed, enjoying her company, holding her close when she took his hand, kissing her back with warmth and conviction when she kissed him.

She was also much amused by the reaction of the sales assistants in the stores along Market Street; they'd make a beeline for him, drawn by his superb build, his soft wavy hair and gentle brown eyes, his soft voice and unassuming good looks, and enjoyed the way, as soon as any of them asked him a question, or smiled at him, he'd look over to her to get her OK before answering them back, making sure she knew he was with her, an endearing trait that she found almost irresistible. 

He wanted to buy her any and everything she looked at, and she had to tell him that she didn't want things; she just wanted him to be happy with her. She understood perfectly, though; he was by nature giving and generous, and now he had someone in his life to be generous to, but she wanted him to be careful as well; some girls would see the car and figure anyone who could afford that would be ideal meal-ticket, and she was feeling very protective of him just now. They arrived back at the apartment ahead of the commuter rush, ordered pizza for dinner and talked about how things had turned out, and where their lives would go from here. Casey was just content to be with him right now as they rediscovered each other, to make him happy, and to let the future manage itself for now.

As the evening wore on, Robbie relaxed even more, the strain he'd lived under for so long it had become normal finally easing away completely. He wondered at the feeling. Does everyone feel like this all the time he wondered, smiling happily at Casey? How bizarre that the one person who had caused him so much loss and distress should be the one to give him his life back! 

Casey noticed his expression, smiling back at him, her even white teeth flashing in a wide, perfect, genuine smile, and he was surprised and a little unsettled at the sudden rush of feelings he had for her. She was perfect in his opinion, slim, shapely, quietly beautiful without being intimidating, smart and savvy, tall, clear-skinned and confident, had a truly stunning smile, was generous and kind, and really seemed to care for him deeply. For the first time in his life, he felt wanted and loved, and wanted and loved someone in return. 

Casey in turn had spent half the day watching over him, and the other half analysing her feelings. After the first rush of desire for him, for his beautiful masculine body and sweet, handsome face, had come the realisation that he was special, probably one of a kind. Robbie was a total innocent, no matter what the world had done to him; nothing his family had done to him had changed the boy inside, and she couldn't believe she'd been so thoughtless, so careless of a heart so kind and loving, a spirit so gentle and untouched by the evil of the world around him; even his anger, once he'd expressed it, cleansed himself of it, had evaporated completely, letting his own clear self shine through. 

On the heels of that was the realisation and affirmation that she wanted him, really wanted him, not just to play with his body, but to keep him close and love him, protect that core of him that shone through so clearly now she had learned to see it. The fact that he was her brother was immaterial; she'd once pushed her brother away; now she wanted to hold him close, make him her lover, and keep him forever.

With the thought came the action, and she moved from her perch on the couch to his side, his arm draping around her as she snuggled into his side, reaching up to gently pull him down to her so she could kiss him. Robbie grinned. "What was that for, Case?" 

Casey rested her head in the angle of his neck. "Just to say 'I love you', Robbie," she said, and looked into his eyes to see his reaction, hope flaring.

Robbie was amazed to see his own feelings echoing back at him, and smiled that slow, sweet smile of his. "I love you too, Casey, believe me!" he whispered, kissing her again, feeling her respond, her kiss longer, serious and lingering, arousing him as he held her and pulled her onto his lap.

"Case, shall we go in the bedroom, it's more comfortable than this couch?" he whispered, and her answering grin was all the affirmative he needed. He stood up, with her still cradled to him, Casey giggling in delight as he effortlessly carried her across the room and into the bedroom, to slide her onto the bed, then sit down next to her.

Casey jumped up, slipping off her shirt and unbuttoning her jeans to wriggle them down, to stand in her bra and tiny panties. Robbie had pulled off his polo shirt, and looked at her frankly from his seated position, admiring her slim, neat figure, long legs and small waist. He held out his arms and she stepped into them, with him resting his head against her, his arms locked about her waist. 

"I do love you, you know," he began, "I'm not just saying that because I want to...you know, again, with you. I realised when I watched you that I need someone, and of all the people I ever met, all the parties I went to, all the girls I ever met, or talked to, you're the only one I ever felt this way about. Now that I have you, I don't know how I'm ever going to let you go."

Casey smiled down at the top of his head, running her fingers gently though his hair as she listened to the truth from him, knowing that he was incapable of lying, that he hadn't learned how to.

"Robbie, darling, I love you too. I want to be with you, stay with you and keep you warm and safe, watch out for the wolves and keep them from your door. If you'll have me, I'll be yours, I promise."

Robbie looked into her eyes, seeing tears glimmering there even as she smiled at him, and pulled her down to kiss her, to wipe away her tears and hug her as tight as he dared. While he was hugging her a thought occurred, and he grinned as he reached up to unhook her bra, Casey shrugging it off to let her breasts into his view. He immediately began licking and sucking her nipples, remembering what she'd shown him, nibbling and biting the way she liked, drawing little gasps and sighs from her as he worked her up, Casey squirming against him. He liked the sensation of her hard rubbery nipples between his teeth and against his tongue, and he loved the little jumps and starts and giggles she gave when he rubbed, sucked or flicked those nipples.

She pulled away, her face and neck flushed, to pull him to his feet, unbuttoning his jeans and pushing them down, eyes widening in appreciation at the tented bulge in the front of his boxers. Robbie kicked off his jeans and shoes, pulling Casey into him to kiss her while his hands roamed over her. She pushed him back down to sit on the bed, his hands going to her panty-clad rear, sliding into her panties to squeeze and fondle her butt-cheeks, revelling in the feel of them, taut, firm and springy. He slid her panties down, pulling her closer by those taut globes, returning his attention to her nipples, licking and nibbling while Casey sighed and gasped and giggled in appreciation.

He could feel himself getting bigger, his boxers bulging out even more, and finally Casey dropped to her knees, tugging at his shorts. Robbie lifted his hips so she could slide them down, smiling happily as his 7-inch penis popped into view, thick and engorged, the head already fully emerged, his shaft shiny and taut.

"Robbie," said Casey, "remember when I told you about some of those other things we could do?" He smiled, nodded. "Well, here's one of them, just for you. I promise you'll enjoy it, I know I will!"

With that, she leaned up and kissed the side of his shaft, his eyes widening at the sensation and the sight. She gently licked the shaft, making him start, and smiled at his reaction. Robbie closed his eyes as she licked further up along him, until she came to the crown, the sensation as she licked it making him open his eyes to watch. Casey licked and teased the head, sliding her tongue-tip gently into the little slit and hole, sweat breaking out on his face as she slid her lips over the end and began sucking, the sensation utterly delightful. 

He was in a daze, this new thing was so good it was making his balls tighten and he could feel himself almost ready to orgasm again. Casey pumped his shaft as she sucked, head bobbing and mouth suctioning him, and when she looked up at him and smiled around his cock, he knew he was going to let go again. 

"Uhh, Case, please...I'm going to...I'm...!" he stuttered, and she just looked at him, smiled and nodded. Robbie leaned back, hands on the bed behind him, feeling his sperm rising, and bucked his hips as the first bolt of spunk shot out of him, Casey swallowing as he shot again, and again, then once more, long spurts of sperm splashing against the back of her throat, she swallowing and pumping as he filled her mouth. 

At last, his cock stopped shooting, and Casey stopped pumping, instead caressing and lightly squeezing his scrotum, the sensation calming and gentle after the climax just past, gently cleaning the tip of his penis with her tongue. Robbie slumped back on the bed, chest pumping like a bellows, heart racing, as she joined him on the bed, sliding next to him to kiss him and smile. 

"So, I take it you enjoyed that!" she grinned, and he could only grin back, still unable to speak for lack of breath.

At last he was calm enough to speak. "What the hell was that, Case?" he asked.

"Robbie darling, that was a 'blow-job', oral sex. Boys can do it to girls, too, it 's only polite, really!" she giggled. "Some men love giving oral sex to girls, and vice versa, it's a very enjoyable experience for both!"

Robbie suddenly looked up, concern in his eyes. "Case, I want to do the same thing for you; could you show me how, sort of walk me through it, so I give you as much pleasure as you just gave me?" Casey looked at him in wonder, but not really surprised at the request. He really did want to pleasure her, his own nature demanding of him that he give as freely as he received.

"I'd love that, Robbie, I really would!" she smiled at him, and slid up the bed to lie down, holding her arms out to him. Robbie came to her, and they spent the next few minutes kissing and licking each other's lips, murmuring and touching, before Robbie began kissing her throat, making Casey close her eyes in pleasure. Robbie moved on down, kissing and sucking her nipples, making them stand up and thrum, excitement coursing through her as he stimulated her. He looked up for a second, seeking guidance on what to do next, and she gently urged his head further down, kissing her flat stomach, dipping his tongue in her navel and swirling it around, making her smile at the sensation. 

Still watching her for hints, Robbie moved on down, licking and tasting her smooth skin, his tongue encountering her trimmed patch of silky-soft pubic hair, and enjoying the feel of the downy hairs against his tongue. As he moved his questing tongue ever further down, he encountered the lips of her sex, and the scent of her excitement, strange, tangy, fresh and appetising, and, on impulse, lapped at the lips of her vulva, denuded of any hairs, feeling the soft folds of flesh pulse and swell beneath his tongue. Her scent washed over him, awakening impulses and instincts from all the way back to the dawn of humanity, urging, driving him on.