18 comments/ 102193 views/ 11 favorites Home is the Hunter By: Moondrift London. 21st January 1944. 10-15 pm. The train from Southampton pulled into the terminus and came to a halt. Carriage doors flew open and people seemed to spill out, and with them, Captain Lester Woodward. With no batman to do his fetching and carrying he hoisted his own kit and made his way to the exit barrier. The train, had been packed with service personnel, all either coming or going from somewhere to somewhere; they had filled every spare inch of the train, which seemed to have taken an interminable time to arrive. The station, just like the rest of Britain, was blacked out. At the exit barrier was the ticket collector, and beside her two Military policemen (red caps). As the train approached London the passengers had become aware that an air raid was in progress. Now they could hear the drone of aircraft and crack of the anti aircraft guns. Arriving at the barrier the red caps saluted Lester, and one said, "Papers sir." Lester presented his papers, including his fourteen day leave pass. "Eighth Army sir?" one of the red caps said. "Yes, nearly three bloody years of it and I'm glad to be home." The other red cap laughed and said, "You've chosen a bad night for it sir, haven't had a raid like this since -- or, I don't know how long." "May the sixth nineteen forty one," said the other red cap smugly. They saluted him again and then turned their attention to an RAF sergeant who was next in the growing line of service personnel. Lester glanced at this watch; 10-20. At Southampton he had managed to get through on the telephone to his mother. He had anticipated arriving home no later than 11 pm, but that was now out of the question, but he knew she would be waiting up for him. * * * * * * * * He made his way to the dark entrance of the underground station. The escalator was not working so he had to walk down to the platform. Arriving at the platform his eyes met an incredible sight; it was packed with people sheltering from the raid. Some were sleeping or trying to sleep on makeshift bunks, others were awake, chatting, and children playing. It was amazing that the trains were still running, but thankfully one pulled in. Lester got in and saw that the carriage was nearly empty. The train passed through several stations on its way to the Liverpool Street terminus, at one of them someone was leading community singing, and Lester heard the strains of "Roll out the barrel." The escalator was not working at Liverpool Street either so it was another walk, this time up. Gaining the main platform he made his way to the barrier where another pair of red caps stood waiting. This time they only saluted and waved him on, there attention focused on a sailor who seemed to be having trouble finding his leave pass. The train, due to be pulled by what looked like an update of George Stevenson's Rocket, (every available engine had been dragged back into service) sat panting unhappily; the carriage, like everywhere else was in darkness. The sound of the anti aircraft barrage seemed to have moved away, although it could still be heard as a distant rumble. 10-45 pm and the train gave a sudden jerk and slowly made its way out of the station on its journey to the outer eastern suburbs of London. The train was due to stop at every station on the way, and Lester sat thinking of his mother. She would be alone. Back in nineteen forty one, when the German U-boats were decimating the British merchant fleet in the Atlantic, his father, leaving the prosperous antique business in the care of his elderly business partner, Mr. Jenkins, he had volunteered to join the Merchant Marine as an ordinary sailor. In nineteen forty two he had drowned when his ship was torpedoed. He was forty eight when he died, and left behind his relatively young wife, Caroline. Lester had been informed by his colonel about his father's death, and this was followed by a letter from his mother. In it she wrote nothing of the grief Lester knew she must be feeling. He wanted to go to her, but at that time in North Africa there was no compassionate leave, the army was finally in the midst of a successful campaign against the Axis forces. Even when that campaign was over, the invasion of Sicily and then Italy took place. Lester had thought he was destined to end the war fighting in Italy, that is, if he survived. He was therefore surprised when he was told he was to be posted back to Britain. He was not told why, but he had a fair idea. The armies that were to soon invade Europe were being assembled and trained, and he, as an experienced officer, would be part of that training. * * * * * * * * 11-30 pm and the train finally wheezed its way into the station where Lester alighted. It seemed even darker here and he showed his travel warrant to a tired looking young woman at the station exit. "Are there any busses running?" he asked. "Last one left five minutes ago, the bloody train is late, as usual," she replied wearily, "I'll have to walk home myself." "Taxi?" Lester asked hopefully. "You should be so lucky," she replied, "There hasn't been a taxi here for the past two years." Lester shrugged and made his way out of the station and began the four mile walk home. It was bitterly cold and he pulled up the collar of his great coat. This suburb still retained something of a rural atmosphere, with fields and copses. Not until after the war would the houses creep out to engulf the fields and destroy the copses. Looking south as he walked Lester could see some fires burning along what he thought would be the Thames docks, and to the east he could faintly see shell bursts high up and hear their rumble; but here all was quiet, only searchlights crossed and re-crossed the sky in search of enemy aircraft. As he watched the display of the beams he heard, rather like a bumble bee, the sound of an aircraft. Suddenly it was caught in a beam and every searchlight within range was brought to bear on it, and within seconds this was followed by the roar and blinding flash of a nearby battery of 3.7 anti aircraft guns. He saw the plane caught like a tiny frantic moth diving, climbing and weaving as it tried to get out of the searchlight cone. Then it seemed to disintegrate. The searchlights recommenced their weaving and the guns fell silent. Then came the ping and rattle of shrapnel falling on the road. Lester thought that any moment he would feel one of those jagged pieces of metal tear into his flesh. "It would be ironical," he thought, "if after all the fighting I've been involved in, I got killed by one of our own pieces of steel." The shrapnel fall ceased and he came through it unscathed. * * * * * * * * 12-20 am and Lester arrived at the house. It had once been a substantial Tudor farm house built, it was believed, by one of the rising gentlemen farmers who had profited well from Henry the Eighth's dissolution of the monasteries. When his mother and father had moved in not long after their marriage, the house had been in a very dilapidated condition, but loving care and renovation had over the years restored it to some of its former glory. The front door key which he had carried with him through the years while away he inserted in the lock; turned it and entered. His mother must have been extremely alert because she must have heard even the turn of the key. As Lester entered she flew to him and they were in each other's arms. "Darling...oh my darling...thank God you've come back safe," Caroline wept. They stood for a while clinging to each other until Caroline said, "Have you eaten?" "They gave me some sandwiches to eat on the train," he replied, but they went long ago; have you got anything?" "I kept some Irish stew for you, but there not much meat in it, you know, the rationing." "They gave me to some ration coupons to use on leave," Lester said, "perhaps we could do some shopping tomorrow?" "Queuing you mean," Caroline said wryly. "You don't have to go to work, do you?" Lester asked. "When one of the women's husbands comes home on leave they give them time off from work to be with them. When I told them about you coming home they counted it as if you are my husband because I live alone." "Come on, we'll go into the kitchen and I'll heat the stew, it's warmer in there." She set about heating the stew and Lester sat watching her. He had thought they would be bubbling over with things to say to each other, but now he was there he didn't want to talk, and neither it seemed did Caroline. It was as if for the time being they were content being in each other's presence and talk would come later. All had been quiet for some time, but now there came the sound of aircraft engines, not one this time, but several. A nearby gun battery opened fire, shaking the ground and rattling the windows. He looked at Caroline and said, "Don't you take shelter when it's like this?" She turned to him and smiled, "I did use to go down into the cellar when things got really bad during the forty one blitz, but they're not really interested in places like this, they go after the docks and all those tenement houses that crowd round the docks. Of course, we've had a few bombs, they say its aircraft that have missed their target and are jettisoning their load. Here you are; it should be hot enough." The guns ceased firing but there was the faint sound of canon fire. "It's a lot different now than it was in nineteen forty one," Caroline said. "There were no real night fighters then and all the guns could do was to point up, fire and pray they'd hit something, which they rarely did. That noise," she continued pointing upwards, "that's one of the fighters now." As he ate Lester felt weariness seep into his bones. It had been a long and frustrating day, but he had experienced more stressful times. He thought it must be because he was home, and he could let go of the past few years. "I've got your old room ready," Caroline said. He rose and she came to him, and standing on tip toe kissed him and said, "You can't know what it means to have you home again." In bed Lester fell into a deep sleep and didn't hear the all clear siren go at around 4 am. A London Suburb. 22nd January 1944. 6 am. From military habit Lester woke early. At first he didn't realise where he was, but as the fog of sleep cleared he realised that he could luxuriate in bed for a while. As he lay there the lines of a poem he had learned at school came into his head. "Home is the sailor home from the sea, and the hunter home from the hill." He thought of the many men who would never be coming home, and one especially, his father. His parents had never hidden from him how they came together, and what details they had not told him his grandparents had. Caroline's brother Jack had been away from home attending university. One vacation time he had brought his friend and fellow student Charles Woodward home for a few days visit. Charles was a very attractive young man, quiet and a little shy. Whether or not it is true that people fall in love at first sight, then at least Caroline and Charles had come close to doing just that. His grandmother had once shown him a black and white photograph of his mother taken about the time she first met Charles. She was very young, but he could see in her what she was to become in her maturity. Her face full fleshed but strong, her nose straight although a trifle longer than was fashionable, her mouth full lipped and almost sensuously curved as she smiled into the camera. Her green eyes that had an almost oriental slant reflected the smile on her lips. Here hair, which Lester knew to be chestnut brown, tumbled in a mass of curls and waves, to spread out over her shoulders. Her figure was no less arresting than her face. She was very slender apart from what seemed to be her too-full bosom, yet she appeared to be carry her young breasts with pride -- almost challenging arrogance. Recalling the photograph as he lay in bed, he thought she was the ideal of men's fantasies. At the time Lester had said, "Mummy looks very pretty." "Yes," his grandmother had said, "she was very beautiful." She had paused as if lost in thought for a moment and then almost to herself said, "She was very deep." Lester had not understood that at the time, but as he grew towards his own maturity he knew the truth of what his grandmother had said. His mother was very deep. For every layer of her personality that was revealed, there seemed to be many more layers to be discovered." It was small wonder that Charles was completely besotted with by this beautiful young girl, but why she was so head over heels in love with him had been a mystery to those around them at the time. For Charles Caroline was a voyage of discovery, and as Lester was to learn for himself, the moment you thought you had her pinned down, like water in a sieve she had escaped you again. Caroline had always insisted that it was she who had seduced Charles. He had insisted that he was to blame but those who knew Caroline tended to believe her version. When she found she was pregnant Charles said he would marry her, in fact he insisted he would marry her. His parents were by way of being minor aristocrats and might have been expected to be horrified that their son had impregnated such a young woman, but like most people on meeting Caroline, they were utterly charmed by her. Her own parents did not berate her, but doubted that she was old enough to marry Charles, of whom they otherwise approved. In the end things were managed discreetly; special permission for Caroline to marry was followed by a quiet registry office wedding ceremony. There were those who predicted that the marriage could not last, but they were proved wrong. Right from the start it had been a love match, and remained so, and Lester had been taken into the orbit of their love. Caroline had been known to say that she had loved Lester even while he was in her womb. Now, what Lester viewed as the idyllic days, were over, probably gone for ever; war and the death of his father had seen to that. * * * * * * * * In keeping with the depth of her personality that his grandmother had first indicated to him, Lester found his mother endlessly fascinating. Even as a child, when she held him to her full breasts, kissing him and stroking his hair, he had always felt that there was something beyond, something he felt but could not define. A break in the smooth flow of their relationship took place when he was twelve years of age. He was sent to an expensive private boarding school that promised to "Develop the fully rounded boy." While at the school he had joined the Army Cadets. He had continued this at university by joining the Officer Cadet Training Unit (OCTU). It was during this period in his life that he discovered what he had come to call, "The something beyond," in his relationship with his mother. This became his dark secret, that which must never to be spoken of. It was that which he knew would fulfill their relationship, but a fulfillment that would be for ever beyond his reach. It may have been a secret held back from everyone else, but not from Caroline. Thought transference might be going too far, but there is another sort of transference, one that sometimes takes place between two people deeply committed to each other which for want of a better term, might be called, "The transfer of feelings." It existed between Lester and Caroline in a way that seemed hidden from other people, but was very real for mother and son. It was therefore the case that although they never spoke of the dark secret, each knew that the other was aware of its content. Another break in their family life came with the outbreak of war in nineteen thirty nine. Lester had not completed his degree course; nevertheless he volunteered and was accepted for the army. Having had some training in the OCTU he was sent to an officer training unit. At the end of this he was a posted as a second lieutenant to an infantry regiment. He missed the debacle of France and Dunkirk and with the accelerated promotion of wartime and the shortage of officers he was quickly promoted lieutenant and then captain. At that point he was posted to North Africa which for a while was yet another debacle, until October nineteen forty two when the British Army took the offensive at El Alamein. * * * * * * * * Lester woke again with a start realising he had dozed off but had carried his musings into his light slumber. He glanced at his watch and saw it was nearly eight o'clock. He heard his mother moving about the house. He rose reluctantly and went in search of her. He found her in the kitchen and looking up at him she said, "There's some cereal or porridge and tea but no coffee, and if we're going shopping we'd better get going soon because if anything off ration has come in it'll be gone very quickly." Lester had expected that once home he would feel on top of the world, but somehow he felt dull, leaden, as if the past few years had suddenly caught up with him. He ate a bowl of cereal and drank a cup of tea, and was on the verge of saying he wouldn't go shopping, but changed his mind because it would seem very churlish. "We'd better go in by bus," his mother said, "it's too cold for the bicycles." "Bicycles!" Of course, the car was up on blocks in the garage and would stay there until some time in the distant future when petrol would be generally available again. "Can I have a shower before we go?" he asked. Showers were a rather exotic feature in Britain at that time, but it was one of the things his parents had installed while renovating the place. "Can you wait, darling," his mother said, "we really should be going." To be able to go to the shops after a night's sleep was a luxury for Caroline; normally she had to shop soon after coming off nightshift at the factory or somehow fit it in at the end of the dayshift when the shops were near to clsing time. Lester still had the grime of the previous day's traveling on him, but he agreed the shower could wait until after they got back from the shops. He grinned to himself when he recalled how at times he had gone for days and even weeks without a proper wash. He noticed that his mother was wearing an overcoat bought just before the war, and he remembered that she had in those days bought at least one new coat every year. As they went in the bus to the shopping centre Lester noticed a few signs of bomb damage. He hadn't seen the damage in London, but he had seen the devastating damage done to Southampton when the Germans were making an all out effort to close British ports. The bus got diverted from its normal route because an unexploded bomb had fallen in the street. Arriving in the shopping centre he saw that Barclays Bank had been reduced to rubble and Spencer's men and boys wear shop had been gutted by fire and the nearby shops had also been damaged and abandoned; all the result of the nineteen forty one blitz. There was a long queue outside the poultry shop and Caroline said excitedly, "Quick, let's find out what's come in." They learned that it was rabbits, and these were off ration. "You join the queue," Caroline said, "and I'll go up the street to see what the fishmonger has got in." Lester discovered that his uniform worked miracles. He was classified as "One of our brave boys," and he was passed up the queue rather like a game of pass the parcel until he found himself standing in front of the counter. A plump woman grinned at him as she wrapped a rabbit in newspaper and handing it to him said, "No charge love." Lester began to protest but a burly man who had been busy skinning the rabbits said, "You 'eard what the missies said, no charge, so bugger orf and Gawd bless yer." Home is the Hunter Lester buggered of and went in search of his mother. He found her still queuing at the fishmongers and coming to stand beside her the miracle worked again, although this time there was a charge for the two herrings. The woman serving them grinned and said, "Hubby 'ome on leave love? Wish they'd give mine some leave, the 'e could scratch me where I'm itchin'" Outside the shop Caroline laughed and said, "If you can work that one every time you'd better do all the shopping." The butcher's and grocer's shops had only short queues because they dealt mostly with on ration food. Coupons were clipped and Lester was somewhat taken aback when he saw the pathetic amount of meat that served as a week's ration. It purported to be beef, but rumour had it that it was horse meat. The grizzled old man who served winked and said, "Put a couple of kidneys in fer yer." In the grocers shop the pretty young girl who served twinkled at him and whispered, "Got some coffee, would yer like some?" Lester nodded and she produced a small brown paper bag from under the counter and thrust it into his hand. Outside Caroline said, "Do you realise you're getting the royal treatment? I haven't seen coffee since...oh I don't know, it's so long ago I can't remember." They finished up at the green grocers. The fruit on show consisted of some withered apples and pears that derived from underground storage areas where the summer crop was kept and doled out. Vegetables consisted of some unhappy looking potatoes and carrots, and cabbages that were obviously in a state of deep depression. By the time they were ready to return home Lester was very aware that he had been away for a long time, and things had changed rather drastically. * * * * * * * * At home Lester took his shower and instead of putting on his uniform he put on some of his civilian clothes. Meanwhile, his mother, still hardly able to believe this gift of God, made some coffee, almost doling it out grain by grain. She also prepared some sandwiches for lunch filled with what at first glance looked like a cross between ham and corned beef. After one bite Lester said, "What the hell is this?" "Spam," Caroline replied, "the Americans send it across; it's pretty awful I know, but it's better than nothing and it doesn't taste too bad if you fry it." Lester thought it better not to ask what it was made of. They retired to the lounge with their precious cups of coffee, and for the first time were at leisure to talk. Lester had one subject he was burning to raise, and so he said, "Do you mind talking about father?" Caroline sighed and said, "No, of course not, I knew you'd want to talk about him, and its two years now and I think I'm over the worst. It was difficult to write about it; I wanted to wait until you came home." She did not add, "If you ever did." "What made him join the merchant marine?" "That's what I wondered at the time," Caroline replied. "I furious with him; he didn't need to go and they weren't even calling up his age group at the time, and probably never would. But you know what he was like; for all his shyness once he'd made up his mind about something nothing would stop him." "He said that antique trading was a dead horse in wartime, and old Jenkins could deal with any trade there might be, and so many ships were getting sunk and that there was a desperate need for crews to man the ships, it had got so that he felt impelled to go." She gave a hollow laugh and went on, "He was wrong about antiques being a dead horse. Once the Americans started to arrive the business has never been prosperous. They'll buy anything and I'm afraid Mr. Jenkins is rather imprecise about the date of some things. "So he chose just about the most dangerous wartime job he could find," Lester said. "Yes, that's what everyone told him, but he would go. If he felt he had to make a contribution he could have been a fireman or gone to work in a factory or something like that." "Like you," Lester said. "Yes, when Charles left I felt as if I'd got to make a contribution too. There were several choices, but they'd just built a new factory near here -- they were spreading them round so that if the big plants got bombed production wouldn't come to a complete stop." Lester laughed and said, "You wrote and told me you're working a capstan lathe." "Yes, do you think that's funny?" "No...no...not at all," Lester said hastily "What do you make?" "I'm not really sure," Caroline replied, "they said it was part of an aircraft, but which part for what aircraft I don't know, I just keep churning them out." "You know Lester, I was very glad to be doing that job when I heard your father had been killed. They gave me three days off, but I was glad to get back. I felt I was doing something that...that somehow made up for his being killed. I know it sounds silly, but for quite a while I felt as if he was standing beside me urging me on. It was as if my work making those parts were a sort of pay back for his death." "It's not silly, mother," Lester said softly. "People who lose someone they love very much often feel that person is still with them for a long time." "Yes, we were in love," Caroline said thoughtfully. "Don't you think it's amazing that we were still in love right up until he...have you ever been in love, Lester?" During his time in North Africa and Italy Lester had avoided the brothels that were so popular with many of the troops. Only once when on leave in Cairo had he had a brief affair with an army nurse. It had been the first and only time he'd had sex. It had lasted until his leave came to an end and he had never seen her again. He had not been in love with her; in fact they had never spoken of love and unlike many placed in that position there had been no talk about meeting again "when it's all over." Nevertheless Lester replied, "Yes, I've been in love; I still am, but it can never come to anything." There was a long pause before Caroline said, "That's very sad Lester; do you want to talk about it?" "No," he replied, "it was always going to be over before it began, so there's no point talking about it." Respecting his wish not to talk about it Caroline said, "So you'll have some idea how I felt when I got the news about your father." Yes," he said, and then with an obvious attempt to change the subject he asked, "Are we going to have the rabbit this evening?" Taken a bit by surprise at this sudden change Caroline took a few moments to reply. "Yes...yes...we'll have it." "Roasted?" Lester asked. Having been brought back to life's immediacies she said thoughtfully, "No darling, I'll make a rabbit stew, it'll stretch further that way." * * * * * * * * That evening, the rabbit stew having been eaten with some left over for lunch the next day, they sat again in the lounge. It was very cold and so they drew up their chairs close to what, given the Tudor context, should have been a roaring log fire, but was in fact a wall mounted gas heater. They remained silent for a while until Lester said, "Mum, would you ever think of getting married again?" Caroline seemed to be a little agitated by his question, and took some time to reply. "What I think right now is that I'll never get married again." She managed a pale shadow of a laugh and said, "Would it surprise you to know I've had three offers of marriage since your father died?" "No," he said solemnly, "it wouldn't surprise me." "How would you feel if I did get married again?" Lester shrugged and said, "If it made you happy and he really cared for you like father did, then fine." "That's just the point, Lester. What I fear is that if I remarried I'd always be comparing the poor man with Charles, and that wouldn't be fair." Lester seemed to chew this over, and so Carline went on, "Of course we can't always know what the future might bring. I don't suppose back in nineteen thirty nine we had any idea how we'd be in nineteen forty four." "No." "But Lester, you've said that my remarrying is up to me, but you must have some feelings about it." Lester seemed to suddenly snap; "Mother, I'm not a child anymore, I've been where men are blown to pieces in a second, or they're; mutilated; I've heard them screaming in agony, do you really think I could give a fuck about whether you give me a stepfather or not?" "For God's sake mother, there's going to be some almighty big show soon and thousands of men will be killed or wounded beyond repair. Is it so important what I think or feel about you marrying or shacking up with some guy?" "And talking about shacking up, how many men do you think are going to come home to find there's a kid or two that couldn't possibly be theirs?" Lester, suddenly hearing him self speaking, fell silent. Caroline reached out and touched his arm. "Darling, I'm sorry I didn't mean to..." "No mother," Lester said quietly, "it's me who should be sorry. It's just that I think about these things...how it's going to be when its all over and as they say, 'The boys come marching home again.'" "Will there be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover, and a house on a hill top high for you and I, and all that shit?" "I think about these things, but there's no one I can talk to about what I'm thinking. I'm an officer and I have to keep the boys' morale up, tell them they're fighting for freedom and democracy and getting thirty bob a week for the privilege of doing so, while bastards back here are raking in millions war profiteering." He paused and then said, "And so you see, I burden you with it." Caroline smiled and said, "When you were a little boy you could always come to me with your little troubles, so why not your big troubles now? Isn't that part of love, to listen to what troubles the loved one?" "I think you're right about some things and wrong about others," Caroline said, "but when this mess is all over I hope you'll find someone you can love and who loves you, and then..." "No, I won't be like that," Lester protested. "Why darling...why won't it be like that?" "It just can't be; please, lets just change the subject." An air raid siren wailed in the distance to be followed by others picking up its theme until the local siren screamed its warning. An ominous silence followed, and then the jagged drone of aircraft and the fury of the guns. "They'll pass over," Caroline said. * * * * * * * * They did pass over and Lester lay in bed listening to their passing. The dark secret that had always been there, but over the past few years had remained in the background, had now leapt to the foreground. The talk of his mother remarrying had touched the dark secret. He had been a fool to ask her about remarrying for it only rubbed salt into a wound that had been close to healing. True it had been replaced by other, newer wounds, the ones that had arisen out of his recent experiences, but now the deeper wound of his dark secret had begun to bleed again. As so often before the war, when he first became aware that he was in love with his own mother, her image rose up in his mind as a fantasy of his ideal woman. And as in times past he was masturbating, striving to release himself from a hunger that only she could assuage. He had avoided the brothels of Cairo; he had sought solace in the pretty little nurse; but he knew that neither the brothels nor the nurse could ever free him from his dark secret. As the semen spurted out of his urethra he groaned, "Mother...oh mother..." With a handkerchief he wiped up the copious amount of sperm he had ejaculated, and then relaxed at least for a while. He lay back listening; it was for her he was listening. She had not retired to bed when he had, and he had left her sitting staring into the weak incandescent glow of the gas fire seemingly deep in thought. His window looked east towards the city and he could see target marker flares in the air, slowly descending. There was the hiss of the shower, and although he strove to suppress it a picture of her naked body rose up in his mind, and with that vision his penis began to harden again. A new sound intervened, a sound that he had often heard in the desert. An aircraft approaching at low level. Somewhere nearby a bofars gun began its womp-womp- womp. The aircraft passed over the house seeming almost to touch the roof. For a few seconds it came into view in his window. There was one of it two engines on fire. It passed on. A few more seconds and then there was an earsplitting roar as it hit the ground with a full bomb load. Lester expected the window to dissolve into shards of glass, but it remained intact. He rose and went to the window to try and see where the aircraft had crashed, but it was just out of sight over a slight rise in the ground, and all he could see was the glow of a fire. "Mother," he thought, and hurried from the bedroom to find her. He found her naked, huddled in a corner of the shower, trembling, the water still running from the shower rose. He turned the water off and knelt beside her. "Mother, it's all right," he said reassuringly, touching her cheek with his hand. "What...was a it?" she asked huskily. "An enemy aircraft, they brought it down, it crashed over the other side of the hill." They heard the clangor of a bell. "Fire brigade," Caroline murmured. Other bells added their noise to the first one. "Yes, I could see the glow of the fire," Lester said. The noise of the bells ceased. "Come on," Lester said, "lets get you dried and into bed." He helped her rise and taking a towel gently began to dry her. He thought it strange that although he had so often longed to see her naked, had imagined touching her body, now she was naked and he was touching her body, his only thought was for her well being. Even drying her breasts and that sweet cleft at the top of her thighs did not sexually arouse him. Taking another towel he wrapped it round her and led her still trembling to her bedroom. He moved back the covers of her bed and helped her get in, and then pulling the covers over her he said, "You'll be all right now?" "No...no...don't go yet darling, stay with me, we must talk." "Mother, you'll be all right now," he said again, "it's unlikely there'll be any more dramas." "I know...I know, but it isn't that. I have to say something to you and if don't say it now I might never say it." "What is it mother?" * * * * * * * * She extended her hand to him and when he took it she said, "Sit beside me on the bed darling." He sat still holding her hand, and waited patiently for her to begin. She began hesitantly, "When I heard that plane so low and the explosion, I thought, suppose it had hit our house and we'd been killed and I'd never said it to you?" "Said what mother?" "While your father was alive I would never have said it, but now..." She stopped speaking for a moment and seemed to be gathering her thoughts, and then went on. "When you were little I always felt you were so much part of me." "I suppose a lot of mothers feel that way about their children," Lester said. "Yes...yes...but I...perhaps I was being fanciful, but it was special as if...oh I don't know how to explain it, but when you went away to school I felt as if a great lump had been torn from me; I'd lost part of myself." Lester remained silent, waiting for her to go on. "Then when you came home for the holidays I started to realise why it was different. It...it was the way you looked at me. You weren't a child any more, you were becoming a man. It was the way I felt about you, hating it when you had to go back to school, wanting you near me, wanting to..." She stopped in mid sentence looking deep into his eyes. "You felt it to, didn't you?" Lester knew now what she was talking about, and her honesty drew the words from him. "Yes, I felt it too. I think I'd felt it even as a child without knowing what it was." "Yes," Caroline whispered, and then speaking quickly she said, "Believe me, I adored Charles...your father, he was so gentle and a wonderful lover and I'd never have spoken like this with you if he was still alive, but I wanted both of you...I mean...as lovers. Do you understand, darling?" "Yes, I understand," Lester said, gently pressing her hand. "And when Charles was killed I knew I still had you and you were part of him and I wanted you more than ever, I was so afraid that you'd be killed, and if you had been killed and I'd never said this too you I know I'd have regretted it for the rest of my life." "Our talk this evening and then that plane crash; it made me realise that I had to say it to you now." * * * * * * * * Caroline had brought out into the open the dark secret that had hung between them for so long. Lester even felt ashamed that it was she and not he who had spoken. Caroline spoke again. "Darling, I must know, do you still feel that same way about me as you did before you went away?" Lester took a deep breath and then resolutely said, "Yes, I still feel the same way. All through those years when I was away at school and university, all the time I've been away from you in the army, it has always been you...only you. For a very short time there was someone else, but all it did was to teach me that it had to be you or no one." They sat in silence and gradually they became aware of the rumble war raging over the city. People were being killed; young airmen were being blown apart in the sky, over London, over Berlin and many other German cities. Out there, outside the house, there was hatred and violence, but in that bedroom was only love and the desire that love brings with it. "Stay with me tonight," Caroline said faintly, "make love with me." Without a further word being spoken Lester took off his pajamas and got into bed beside her. The blackout curtains were pulled and the bed light shed its dim glow over them. They lay facing each other looking into each other's eyes to see there the brighter light of their love. As Caroline moved her leg over Lester's thigh they kissed and his hand caressed one of her breasts. He felt the head of his penis touch the entrance to her vagina; he groaned as his length sank into her and he rolled her over onto her back. Once deep inside her he remained still, feeling the hot wet walls of her tunnel convulsively gripping and releasing him. How long they stayed like that they afterwards never knew. It was a time of all embracing love, the silence only broke when Caroline said, "Come into me now darling, I want to feel it in me." Together they moved in harmony, gradually speeding up as their orgasms drew near. Caroline was the first to feel her orgasm approaching and she began gentle whimpering cries. "Oh darling, it's coming...it's coming...I want it...I want to feel it...let it...oh darling...darling it's...it's...come...come with me...oh...oh...oh my love..." Lester released his sperm deep into her as she cried, "Deeper darling...deeper..." His hands were under her buttocks as he dragged her onto him and her legs were round his waist as they struggled to get his sperm ever deeper into her. Lester finished but he stayed with her as she continued to work herself over his length, making low moaning sounds, "Mmm...mmm...oh...ah...mmm...ow...oh..." until she too was still. His penis still in her vagina, his hand still fondling her breasts, he kissed her tenderly and thought, "The light now shines on our dark secret." A London Suburb. 23rd January. 1944. It was towards dawn and after a night of love making they heard the all clear siren. After that they slept and it was well into the morning when Lester awoke to find his mother looking at him. Home is the Hunter He heard the roar of aircraft passing overhead and said, "I didn't hear the siren go, my God, there must be swarms of them." "It's all right darling," Caroline said, "it's the American bombers on their way to Germany, we often hear them." Over breakfast they listened to a news bulletin that announced almost casually that there had been another heavy raid on London and that the RAF had mounted another thousand bomber attack over Germany. On Lester and Caroline the odour of their night of lovemaking hung heavy upon them, and it reminded Lester that they had broken one of society's strictest taboos. But what did it matter when thousands, no millions, had, or were due to die? After showering they retired again to bed, and as Lester licked and sucked Caroline's clitoris she cried out, "I love you...I love you..." It was then that Lester knew that for all the hatred and violence, in the end only love would last. Liverpool Street Station. 3rd February. 10-25 am. 1944. Caroline had traveled as far as Liverpool Street Station with Lester. As they kissed each other goodbye they were surrounded by many other servicemen saying their goodbyes. Caroline watched Lester as he entered the underground station. He turned as he entered and raised his hand. Caroline raised hers. She wondered if this would be the last time she would see him, and touched her stomach. It was only her instinct at that moment, but she believed that their love making had born fruit. She turned and made her way to the train waiting to bear her back to the suburb. The escalator was working and so Lester stepped on to it, to be born down to the underground train that would carry him to the next terminus, and from there to the camp he was due to arrive at; he was still not sure what his task was to be. * * * * * * * * Lester had one more leave, in April. It was for seven days, and Caroline was showing the early signs of her pregnancy. That Lester was so shocked at this was surprising because they had used no mean of contraception. Perhaps he had thought that Caroline was no longer fertile. She reassured him that she did not mind, and after all, he had said that many men would come home and find a child they had not fathered, so who was to know that he, Lester, had fathered her child. What she did not say was, that as Charles had left her Lester, and so this child would leave something of Lester with her if he too should not return. Rather than deter Lester, Caroline's pregnancy seemed to make her even more desirable. There was something frenetic about their love making over those seven days and like Caroline, Lester had in mind that this might be the last time they would make love. A Beach in Normandy. 7th June. 1944. D-Day Plus One The first wave had gone in the previous day, and as Lester and his unit waded ashore he could see the results on the shell and mortar pitted beach and bodies still lying there. They had trained and trained for this moment and the allied toe hold was still tenuous and would remain so for some time. The main weight of the German panzers were focused on the sector where they landed. As they moved inland he saw burned out tanks, one of which had a soldier hanging half way out of an escape hatch, his body burned and blackened. It seemed strange. Lester had expected that the battle would rage constantly, but it was not like that; it seemed to flare up here and there. For a while they continued to move forward, the sector was ominously quiet. Not until the 10th of June did Lester's unit move into action during the bloody battle for Caen. This was followed by the carnage of the Falaise Gap. News that the first of Hitler's "secret weapons" the V1, which had in fact been no secret from the allies, had been launched on the 13th of June, did not reach the troops in Normandy for some time after this first attack. The German propaganda news broadcast to the troops told that the whole of southern England was on fire, without saying what had cause this in fact non-existent fire. It was only as troop reinforcements arrived from England that a picture of what was happening was made clearer. The second terror weapon, the V2, a rocket against which there was no defence, fell on London the 8th September, but until 10th November when it was announced by Winston Churchill that London was under rocket attack, no one except the inner sanctum of the government had known what the mysterious and appalling explosions were. The war raged on and Lester, anxious about Caroline and their baby daughter, hardly knew where he was. On the 7th of May 1945 when the guns fell silent Lester was in Flensburg. A London Suburb. 1st June. 1945 Lester alighted from the bus and made his way to the house, eager to be with Caroline and their baby. A jeep stood outside the house, and puzzled Lester made his way up the path to the front door. He had almost reached the door when an American serviceman came out, still buttoning up his tunic. For a moment the American seemed surprised to see Lester, then he grinned and said, "Hi buddy, you been here before?" Bewildered Lester said, "Yes, this is where..." "She's a great fuck, good luck," the American chuckled, and passed on to his jeep. She was still naked lying on the bed with her eyes closed, the baby asleep beside the bed in a cot. On a table beside the bed were some bars of chocolate, packets of chewing gum and some nylon stockings. "Thought you'd had enough, baby," Caroline said in a phony American accent. When she got no response she opened her eyes, which shot open even wider when she saw Lester standing beside the bed. "Lester...I...I was just resting...I..." He turned and left the room. She heard the noise and when she found him the Walther automatic he had taken from a German officer was still in his hand. "And this be the verse that you 'grave for me: Here is the rest where he wanted to be, Home is the sailor home from the sea, and the hunter home from the hill."