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A Christmas Tale

By: MF4BIM



It was ten o clocks on Christmas Eve, at the Smith house. Dave at 53 was sitting in the living room watching TV and drinking his jack and coke. His 51 year old wife Dawn was busy in the kitchen, preparing the Turkey for the next day. They were waiting to make sure their kids, who were already in bed, had fallen asleep. Once the kids were asleep, they could get their gifts set up and then turn in for the evening. 

They had a 21 year old daughter, Diane and a 22 year old son, Doug. It was a difficult time trying to decide what to get them for Christmas this year. The kids were at that age, where they were complaining that they needed a different style of clothes. They decided to get them both some small items like panties, underwear, etc. for now, and give them money to get whatever else they wanted later. 

Dawn called out. "Honey, can you can go down to the basement and bring up what we have for them to put under the tree? Before you do that, please go up and check to make sure that they are asleep first." 

Dave said. "Yes Honey, if they are sleeping, I'll be sure not to wake them." He put his drink down, got up and climbed the stairs.

He first peeked into Doug's room and saw that he was sound asleep and closed the door. He then made his way to his daughter's room. As he approached he heard her moaning. He could see from under her door that she had a night-light on in her room. He stopped and listened at the door. 

"Mmmmmm... I love it! I love it! It feels so big! Please don't stop what you're doing!" She murmured.

Dave opened the door quietly and looked in. On the bed was his daughter, lying on her stomach, with her ass in the air. The night-light was shining on her ass. She didn't see him, because she was facing the other way in the room. He stopped in his tracks and stared. There was his daughter before him and he could see her pink slit gaping open. 

She was using a cucumber with her hand, slipping it in and out slowly, pushing it deep into her, with each stroke. He could see from the night-light, how soaked she was and how it oozed white cum, out her slit, down her inner thighs. He reached down and rubbed his now growing bulge in his trousers, as he watched.

Then he heard Diane say. "Oh Daddy, Please fuck me! Fuck me! Don't make me beg for your huge cock!" 

Dave stood in total shock. Diane was masturbating and thinking of him.

"Oh I'm cumming! Oh fuck, it feels so good! Please don't fuckin stop! Oh god, here it cums, yessss..." 

Dave watched her shake and writhe about on the bed, as she came hard. As she subsided and lay down, he shut the door and went back down stairs. 

His cock was rock hard and he went straight into the kitchen and grabbed Dawn round the waist. She could feel the outline of his huge cock pressing against her buttocks. She pushed back against it and his hands wandered to her huge breasts. He manipulated them and felt her unusually large nipples, stiffen under his hands. She was melting and losing all reserve, as he nibbled on her ear. He knew she was caving in, because her breathing was getting heavier.

Dawn then said. "You bastard, she's made you hard again! Hasn't she?"

Dawn knew that Dave had a thing about young girls and especially his daughter, but she never worried about it as she always got the benefit of it. She loved how horny it made him and how he fucked her afterwards.

"I suppose her bed-clothes were off and you saw her in her teddy again?" She said.

"Something like that." He replied. He knew he couldn't tell her what he had just seen and heard so he said no more.

He bent her over the kitchen table and flipped up her skirt. Pulling her panties to one side, he released his cock and rubbed up and down her hairy pink slit. She got wet immediately, but because he was so huge, he was still having trouble sliding it in. 

He finally felt a popping sensation around the head, as it slid in. He fucked her slowly, as he imagined his wife was his own daughter. He pictured his thick cock all covered with his daughters white creamy cum, sliding into her pink gash. He imagined her saying. "Oh daddy, please don't stop!"

Dawn was slamming back against his cock by now and he could feel her muscles contracting. He liked giving it to her from behind. He was even more turned on, that they were doing it on the kitchen table. 

Dawn knew that it was more than just seeing their daughter that had got him this horny, as she had never felt so full before. She felt his cock expand and knew that he would be shooting his load any minute. "Fill me up baby, squirt that cum into my pussy! Let me feel that hot spunk, jetting into meeee..." Her voice rose, as she felt what she wanted and her own orgasm began. She was so excited by the way he was fucking her; she didn't want it to stop. 

Jet after jet of hot thick steaming sperm shot into her cavernous pussy, mixed with her own squirting orgasm of white creamy cum, that ran out of her on him. 

He could now feel it, as it started oozing down the side of his prick and dripping on the floor. Dave collapsed on her back breathing heavily, as his cock shrank and eventually slipped out her pussy. Then a great glob of cum, dropped to the floor with a splat. He had to sit, because his legs were ready to collapse under him.

Dawn stood up feeling her panties slip back over her pussy and start to soak up their mixed juices. She looked over to the kitchen door and just caught sight of their son, disappearing up the stairs.

Doug got back into bed, thinking he hadn't been seen by anyone. The only reason why he even went down there was because he had woken up and upon hearing strange noises downstairs, decided to go down and investigate. He knew it wasn't Santa, because he was too old to believe in him anymore. What he had just seen, was the most incredible sight ever and it had made his 7" curved cock hard. 

As he lay there, he stroked it and fantasized about what he had just seen. He thought how it was the best Christmas present he had ever gotten. After all, it was a long look at his hot mother's wet dripping hole, being filled with cock. 

As he pulled at his own cock, he imagined it was his sliding into his mother. When his cock erupted, it was the hardest he had ever cum while playing with himself. He shot a long string of thick creamy white liquid, soaking his pajama bottoms. 

Christmas morning, Doug approached his mother and she immediately knew what was on his mind. They wished each other a Merry Christmas, with a motherly hug and kiss. Doug had always confided in his mother and he sheepishly told her what he had seen last night and what he did afterwards. 

She told him that she also knew he saw them, because she had seen him go upstairs. He explained that he was a little worried about the mess he had made in his pajamas. He felt, he had to tell someone of the wonderful feeling he had felt, when he made it.

Dawn took him into the kitchen, leaving Dave and Diane in the living room. She began to explain to him in a hushed voice, that it was only natural and he needn't worry. He then shocked her, by asking if he could see her hairy pussy again. Dawn thought for a while and then walked over to the kitchen door and shut it. Leaning against it, so no one could just walk in, she called Doug over. She whispered to him, that he should not tell anyone about what was going to happen next. She then lifted the hem of her skirt up to her waist. 

Doug stared at her white nylon panties and noticed the thick curly hairs protruding from each pantie leg. As he stared, Dawn got to feeling a little horny and a little creamy liquid dripped from her pussy. This only added a small damp path, to the large spot on them, from the night before. It soon seeped through and it wasn't long before Doug's prying eyes noticed it. As he stared, his cock grew and his mother threw all caution to the wind and pulled her panties to one side. She was now displaying her wet creamy pussy to him, as it leaked even more.

Doug reached out his hand tentatively touched the wet spot and then put his finger up to his lips and licked it. Her aroma and sweet tasting pussy was all he could take. He then returned his hand to her pussy and slid a finger in. Dawn didn't know what was happening to her. Here she was allowing her nineteen year old son, to finger her and she loved it. She wanted more, so she grabbed his wrist and forced his fingers further into her dripping hole. She used his hand like a dildo, working it in and out.

Doug used his free hand, to release his cock and began to stroke it in time with his mother. She opened her eyes and saw, as he pumped it up and down in his fist. She then maneuvered herself round, bending over and placing her hands on the door. She reached between her legs, grasped his cock and aimed it at her hot wet pussy. It slid in easily and she humped herself back and forth on it. It didn't take long, before Doug had worked out what he needed to do. He began pumping his hips in the opposite direction. It wasn't long, before the magic feeling he felt last night returned and he shot jet after jet into his mother.

In the other room, Dave was looking at his daughter. She was sitting opposite him and her legs were apart, affording a view of her pantie clad crotch. He could see the material had slid into her crack and he could even see her sparse blond hairs that grew either side of her pink slit.

Diane knew that she was displaying herself to her father and she was getting exited. She shifted on her chair, making sure that he could get an even better view of her. She looked across under her eyelids and noticed the bulge in his trousers. When she was sure he was good and hard, she stood up and walked over to him and sat on his lap.

"Thank you for my panties daddy; I am wearing a pair of them now. Do you like them?" She asked, wiggling her ass, savoring the feel of his hard cock, pressed tightly in her crease. He didn't need to answer, as his cock was doing the talking for him.

She turned to face him, lent forward and planted a kiss on his lips. It wasn't a normal father daughter kiss, but a full-grown sexual kiss. She opened her mouth and slid her tongue out, forcing her father to open his lips and wiggled it around inside his mouth. 

He couldn't stand it anymore, grabbing her firm tits and squeeze them. She helped him get to her bare flesh, by undoing her blouse and then releasing her bra. His hands cupped her small, conical-shaped tits and flicked the nipples until they stood to attention. 

She began to moan and he slid his hand up her skirt and felt her tight wet eighteen year old pussy through her panties. His finger slid under the leg and into her wet hole. He knew she wasn't a virgin, because of what he had seen last night.

She moaned and squirmed on his finger, as her juices flowed over the palm of his hand. Suddenly she stood up, leaning over him; she pulled down his zipper, releasing his raging hard cock. She lowered her head and engulfed the tip into her hot mouth. Just then, the kitchen door opened and Dawn and Doug entered. Dave panicked, until he noticed that Doug had no trousers on, his cock was jutting out in front of him and his mother was leading him in by it.

"Oh god Dave, I know you fantasized about your daughter, but your fucking son is something else. I see the little slut wants your cock, as much as you want her tight pussy. Well, I want Doug's cock again, so you can watch him fuck me, as you fuck that horny daughter of ours."

They all stood up, stripped off what remained on them, and paired up as planned. Dave slid his large cock into his daughter, fucking her good and hard. He watched, as his son fucked his mother. The place smelled of sex when they had finished. As they lay there around the Christmas tree recovering, Diane said, "I hope Father Christmas can come all through the year and not just today." Dave smiled, as they all snuggled up together and fell asleep knowing that today, Christmas Day, was just the beginning.

A Christmas Tart ... with a Heart



A third entry from me for the Winter Holiday competition. It turned out a tad longer than anticipated, so rather than opt for the First Time category, I might plump for Novels and Novellas (6 points in the Survivor contest if I put it in N&N). We'll see where it ends up.

OK, in this one, John -- a twenty-two year old virgin -- stumps up cash for a visit to a brothel. When he gets there he gets a surprise, a very pleasant Christmas present.

You might find [more] errors and typos [than usual!] in this piece. Sorry, but due to the deadline for the comp. and the fact I didn't start this until a couple of days ago, it might come across as a draft rather than a finished product. Again, apologies if that's the case, but I do hope you enjoy my offering all the same.

As per usual ... feedback! Send feedback.

OK, I'll STFU now and get this down the wire to Laurel.

GA -- Langkawi, Malaysia -- 6th December 2012. 

John Elphinstone had second thoughts, pinprick darts of doubt. Should he go through with it? Sitting in his flat on the outskirts of Guildford, as he sipped his morning coffee, even as he doubted he knew, deep down, despite the fear, that he'd pick up the phone and make the call. John examined, yet again, the scrap of paper with the phone number scrawled across it. His stomach flipped with excitement, sexual anticipation tickling deep in his viscera and tingling in his balls when he thought about the potential that number held.

It had been a whim, scribbling the number onto the back of an old ATM receipt. He'd seen the columns of adverts amid the lurid pictures of half naked women when he'd picked up the newspaper -- if The Daily Sport deserved that appellation, the scandalous, near pornographic rag of titillation -- and, after his eyed had scanned the columns of carnal promise, while a curiously dark sensation fluttered in the pit of his stomach, John saw the dialling code of his own area leap from the page.

Exclusive service offered, he read. Elegant lady in luxurious surroundings.

Two numbers were also given. One being a mobile, with the second showing a landline prefix code of: 01252. John, with a deliciously wicked slither of excitement and fear and sexual arousal sliding through his guts, committed the six remaining digits of the phone number to memory. Feigning nonchalance as the train rattled and shook, carrying him homeward from his job in London, he left it a full three minutes before jotting the number onto the blank reverse side of an ATM receipt he found in his wallet.

Now, at midmorning on Christmas Eve, with four days of holiday between him and the daily commute, he sat in the flat and contemplated his persistent virginity.

"It's getting ridiculous," he muttered to himself. Eying the ATM receipt again he steeled his resolve. "Elegant lady," he murmured, enjoying the mental images that description conjured in his head. That single word, Lady, put him in mind of a classy, sophisticated woman, more mature in years, finely ripened and experienced enough to unveil the mysteries of the flesh to one so callow and naive as himself.

At the age of twenty-two, John had somehow hung on to his virgin status, or rather his virginity had clung to him like a nasty rash. He'd tried, oh how he'd tried to slough off the chrysalis of that pure state and emerge from the cocoon; but something always went wrong. He didn't think of himself as bad looking, but he was neither here nor there, no Brad Pitt, sure, but not the Elephant Man either. Nondescript, bland, the sort of man who would make a good real-life spy, the grey man nobody noticed in a pub or on the bus. Unfortunately women didn't notice him for the same reason.

John failed to attract women with looks or presence, but his main problem wasn't a lack of personality, it had more to do with projection. He lacked self-confidence, and this shortcoming, to which he was blind himself, had come about because of his shyness and lack of daring. This in turn meant failure to find a girlfriend through a series of embarrassing, tongue-tied encounters that, by the time he hit his twenties, became a self-fulfilling prophecy. John expected to be knocked back in his attempts to chat up the ladies, and as a result, he was.

His hand trembled as he reached for his mobile phone.

***

Jenny Standing parked outside the One-Stop and, once inside, bought cigarettes and a lottery ticket. The girl behind the counter smiled from beneath the seasonal, infuriatingly ubiquitous, red cap trimmed with white faux fur.

"Happy Christmas," the cashier said, smiling as she took the ten pound note from Jenny's fingers.

Jenny could have snorted right in the girl's face as she passed over the money and waited for her change. She didn't get it, couldn't understand why people got so fucking crazy over Christmas. When she'd been a kid it had been different, of course, but now, with her fortieth birthday looming, with no husband, no kids, and working at what she didn't even class as a real job, Jenny felt the weight of anxiety over her future settle even heavier on her shoulders than usual.

"Fucking Christmas," she muttered to herself before offering the young woman behind the counter one of her professional smiles. Jenny could turn it on when she had to, in her line of work the charm was expected, part and parcel of the trade. Not that many of the men she serviced cared what went on in her private life; they just wanted her for her looks and her body. The guests, as they were euphemistically known, who visited the house -- a large detached near-mansion of a place in affluent Surrey -- didn't even know her real name, let alone what went on inside her head. 

Most of the punters would be at home with wives and families in readiness for Christmas Eve parties, and the day ahead for Jenny would more than likely be a washout, but Avril had asked her to come in, so there she was, buying her fags on the way to work. 

"I need a girl to come in," Avril had said. "Would you mind? I it would be absolutely tiresome with one of the others. You know what they can get like. It would be a miserable day with one or them, a constant litany of complaints about working Christmas Eve." Avril had grinned and added, "And we could have a couple of drinks if things are quiet. Have ourselves an office party as it were." 

Jenny loved the way Avril spoke, her drawling diction told of a moneyed background and expensive education. A world apart from foster homes and comprehensive schools Jenny had endured.

Two years earlier, when Jenny first started at Avril's house, the matronly woman with her large bosom and honey-blonde hair -- Dyed of course, darling, but you know the saying about blondes having more fun -- candidly revealed the reason she engaged in the trade she did. "I simply adore cock," Avril had said. "A friend of my father's, a very wicked man ..." she added, eyes gleaming with devilment at the memory. Avril had even squirmed a little in her seat as she went on. "Just remembering gives me tingles," she said. "Anyway, a friend of Daddy's seduced me on my twenty-first birthday, darling. He fucked my virgin cunt and then, over the next year or so, used me as little more than his sex slave. No love in it whatsoever, not on his part anyway, bit of course I was smitten with him ... And the filthy things the bugger did with me ... What he made me do ... God it was an exciting, horny time."

Jenny, feeling obliged to reveal a little of her life's history after Avril's crude recollections, had replied with, "I got into the game when I got behind with rent. A neighbour of mine in the block of flats I ended up in told me about how I could make some money." Jenny shrugged as if her introduction into a life on the bash was of no consequence at all. "You know how it is, Av." She regarded the other woman for a moment and then barked a laugh. "Or maybe you don't. Not with your background." Jenny lit a cigarette and continued. "Anyway, I worked out of this shitty flat in Colchester. I was nineteen when I went on the game. It was actually one of the punters who suggested I do some escorting. He said I could earn a lot more than I was making in a pokey flat on a scrubbers estate." She lifted her shoulders in another shrug. "And here I am now working for you." Jenny gestured with a sweeping arm at the opulence of her surroundings, "Working in a decent house, for you, Av."

Avril smiled at Jenny. "Thank you," she said. "I'm pleased you think it's a decent house. I do try." She chuckled then, adding, "I wonder what Daddy would say if her were alive to comment on my little hobby? I don't doubt he'd be surprised to know I've invested some of his fortune in a house of ill repute."

Now, two years later and Jenny still worked at the house. She did escort work a couple of evenings a week. It paid well, exceptionally fucking well, truth be told; plus she got wined and dined and saw a bit of how the other half lived.

Avril, at forty-three, despite running the house, still worked when the fancy took her. OK, she might not be willowy and winsome any longer, but she still attracted the eyes of men who liked their women ripe and rubicund. Not every day, she didn't swan around in stockings and corset and lethal heels no matter how sexy and rude those garments made her feel every day, these days she was content to play the Madam, answering the phone and greeting the guests at the door, calming the nervous and making it clear to the more boisterous that she wasn't a woman to be trifled with. Sometimes though, when in a dirty frame of mind, she enjoyed dressing for sex and riding some anonymous young bloke's big cock.

Avril had asked Jenny to come in because she knew the woman didn't have anywhere to go or anyone to be with that Christmas. "You could always stay over with me." She'd invited, knowing Jenny had no one at home who would be waiting for her. Just like Avril herself in fact, and to stave off a lonely Christmas Eve, she invited Jenny to stay for the duration.

Jenny had shrugged and accepted with little comment when Avril had asked her to work and extended the offer to stay over. She hadn't anything better to do after all, and she knew from experience that Avril would be decent company. They could crack open a few bottles of wine and get merrily sloshed together.

"Thanks, Av," Jenny had replied, warming to the idea. But when she'd woken up that morning the reminder that, despite Avril's invitation, she was still all alone, with middle age charging towards her like Santa's fucking sleigh, loomed large.

And the bloody weather didn't help her mood either.

Out of habit from long years of practice, Jenny smiled at the One-Stop cashier. "And a happy Christmas to you too," she said brightly.

It had started raining during Jenny's brief interlude inside the shop, a fine mist of dampness more than proper rain, an invidious spray that somehow snuck inside clothing and soaked a body worse than a real downpour.

Sighing, Jenny unwrapped the packet of cigarettes. She opened it and then lit up, taking a deep drag while peering from the beneath the protective shelter of the awning at the dismal scene in front of her. Cars passed, tyres hissing against the oil-black tarmac as they slowed to negotiate the speed bumps. An elderly man holding a futile umbrella in defiance at the damp, misty air walked past with a reluctant Jack Russell following behind at the end of its lead. The entire sky seemed low enough to touch as it glowered with grey, sullen menace.

The Jack Russell glanced at Jenny huddled in the doorway as it trotted past. Jenny almost burst out laughing when she read the expression on the foxy little muzzle and sad-eyed dog. "Merry fucking Christmas," the dog's face seemed to convey. "I wish I was indoors instead of out for a walk with this sad twat."

There's always someone worse off. Jenny brightened, her mood lifting slightly when she thought about spending Christmas day with Avril. "Fuck it," she muttered, sighing resignedly at the rain. She flicked the half-smoked butt into the gutter. The tab-end floated away in the rush of rain water as Jenny strode quickly to her car. Thirty minutes later she heard the gravel crunch under the car's wheels after turning into the driveway of the big house.

Avril opened the back door as Jenny approached quickly. The front door was for Guests only, and all the girls, even Avril herself used the door at the rear of the house. "The tradesmen's' entrance," Avril had christened it with a bawdy laugh.

"We've got an hour," Avril said, "an eleven thirty appointment."

"So much for a quiet day, eh?" Jenny responded as she shrugged out of her coat.

Avril took Jenny's coat and hung it on a hook behind the door. "He sounded quite nice on the phone. One of the nervous brigade." Avril shrugged her shoulders. "He might turn out to be a no-show, he didn't sound too confident on the phone."

"What does he want?" Jenny asked.

"An hour. Full personal. Fancy a wine while you're getting dressed?"

An hour, a cigarette and two glasses of Merlot later and Jenny was ready for work. She sat in the lounge on the ground floor of the house, an anachronism from some dinner party at midday in her evening dress, stockings and shoes. Wispy tendrils of hair fell loose from the fastenings holding her long blonde tresses in place.

"That collar looks sexy, Jenny," Avril commented as she poured yet another glass of wine.

"It's supposed to, Av," Jenny grinned, relaxed and in a more mellow mood thanks to the alcohol so early in the day. She fingered the velvet collar at her throat. "But I can't help feeling a bit daft." She gestured towards her vertiginous décolletage with one hand. "All done up like a dog's dinner at this time of day." Rolling her eyes, she added, "And half the buggers don't even notice. They just come in slavering and pawing at me as soon as the bedroom fucking door's closed."

"There are some decent ones though, Jenny," Avril replied. "To be fair. They're not all dogs on heat." She eyed her friend. "You're just jaded and a little miffed. I understand. This time of year gets you down, doesn't it?" Jenny had no opportunity to respond when Avril's head lifted at the ring of the doorbell. Avril checked the slim-strapped watch that decorated her left wrist. "He's ten minutes early," she commented. Giving Jenny a lascivious grin and a theatrical wink as she left room, Avril called out, "He must be keen!"

***

John Elphinstone stood on the step at the front of the house, protected from the seemingly incessant drizzle, it seemed that it wouldn't cease until May, by the covered porch. Poised on the brink of his great adventure, John experienced a heady mix of anticipation and fear. His guts twisted as he paused, finger poised to press the button. He knew that the bell would summon whoever to the door, and from then on, he hoped, with a curious half-dread spiking his belly, his life would be changed forever.

"Get a fucking grip on yourself, John," he muttered. "It's only a fuck. No big deal."

Ah, but, despite the nonchalance of his words, John couldn't lessen the anxiety he felt at this personally portentous moment.

Then, seemingly with a mind of its own, his finger moved to depress the button. He heard the faint ring from within and waited anxiously for the door to open.

What if he didn't fancy the woman? Doubt curdled his guts and he feared he might just shit himself right there. Literally crap himself. Oh, God, what if she turned out to be some wrinkled old crone or some drug addled junkie with track marks and blistered lips?

He could hardly sue for false advertising.

But, to his immense relief, the woman who greeted him with a smile turned out to be right up his street.

"John," the woman greeted with no trace of sarcasm in her voice at his name. John hadn't even considered using an alias, but it suddenly dawned on him that he was, indeed, another John knocking on the knocking shop door. "Come in, darling," the woman added warmly, even leaning in to kiss his cheek. He caught a waft of her scent and an eyeful of her generous bosom when her blouse parted at the neck. "I'm Avril. We spoke on the phone."

Sexy, John thought as he stepped over the threshold. He stood to one side and Avril closed the door. Then, as he ogled Avril's rump and legs, the woman led him along a corridor garlanded with Christmas streamers.

When Avril led him into a room at the end of the hallway, John found himself struck dumb, his feet rooted to the carpet. "This is Jenny," he heard Avril say.

"Oh!" John blurted in surprise. "I thought ..." A hot wave of embarrassment flushed his cheeks scarlet.

Avril chuckled. "No, John. Jenny's the lady you've come to see." Recognising the young man's chagrin, and sensing the reason for his visit now she'd seen him face-to-face, Avril bade him to relax and take a seat. 

Avoiding Jenny's eyes, John settled into a leather armchair.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Avril asked. "A drink or something ...?" She swept an arm in the direction of Jenny, who by then had straightened her back and crossed her legs, knowing the effect her pose had on men. "We're in the Christmas spirit already," Avril continued. "You might like to join us in a glass of wine, perhaps?"

His mind still reeling from the shocking realisation that the beautiful woman in the long dress was shortly going to allow him access to her body, John squirmed his backside against the leather seat beneath him. "Uh," he managed to mumble. "A drink would be good. Uhm ... Yeah. Wine. Great. Thanks."

"It's all right, John," Avril said kindly. "You can relax. Take your time. Get used to being here. Is this your first time in a house like this?" Avril had her suspicions but thought it crass to voice them. The poor lad was already embarrassed enough.

An expression of some darker emotion flickered across John's face. "Yes," he said, nodding. "I've never been to a ..." John's speech stumbled to a halt. What could he say? Prostitute? Whore?

Avril came to his rescue. "Never visited a working girl before, John?"

Relieved at Avril's kind lifeline, John shook his head. "No. never," he confirmed.

"Well you just relax. There's nothing to worry about. Jenny will look after you." Avril's blonde bobbed hair shimmered as she turned to her best girl. "Won't you, Jenny? You'll look after John for his first time."

John flinched at the words. How the hell could Avril tell he was a virgin? Then he relaxed when he realised that she meant his first time in a professional house.

"Are you sure wine would be all right, John? I could get you something stronger, if you prefer?"

"No, thanks, wine will be great." John began to babble. "Can't drink too much anyway," he added. "Driving. Wouldn't want to get pulled by the old Bill for drunk driving." He mimed holding a steering wheel and grinned weakly.

When Avril left the room John surreptitiously ogled Jenny. He took in her figure as best he could, what with her being seated at the time. He saw Jenny was younger than Avril by an estimated half a dozen years or so as he appreciated the plane of her cheeks, snub nose and painted bow-shaped lips. He found his eyes drawn to the plunging neckline of the dress, his cock stirring when he noticed that the woman must be close to naked beneath the elegant, backless gown.

"You OK, John?" Jenny asked.

John placed Jenny's accent correctly, noting the differences of enunciation between the two women. One seemed posh, Avril with her la-de-dah while Jenny came across as more gritty and down-to-Earth; Essex if he wasn't mistaken. Still, despite their apparent differences, they were both, in John's opinion, sexy as fuck.

"Juh ... just a little nervous," John replied with understated truthfulness. He shrugged his shoulders, a little unnerved at being left alone with Jenny. When Avril had been in the room with them it seemed like she filled the void with her talk. Now the atmosphere felt awkward -- Just like his disastrous dates.




A Christmas Tart ... with a Heart



Jenny smiled, and to her surprise the smile came naturally, not one of her professional masks. She felt sorry for the young man who seemed so obviously agitated as he stole glances at her, thinking she didn't notice his appraisal. Her voice came out soft and soothing. "There really is nothing to worry about," she said. Jenny shifted in her seat and uncrossed her legs, drawing John's eyes to the fact of her stockings. "I'll take good care of you." He wasn't a bad looking bloke. And there was a vulnerability about him that Jenny, while not quite able to put her finger on it, not just then, found endearing. Maybe she was getting soft as middle age approached?

Or perhaps it was just the wine.

However, before Jenny could ponder any further what it was about John that brought out the nurturing instinct within, Avril swanned back into the room.

"Here we are, darlings," Avril drawled. "A fresh bottle and an extra glass for our guest." She filled John's glass and then proffered the bottle towards Jenny. "Top up, lovely?"

"Thanks, Avril," Jenny replied as she held her glass up.

"Now," Avril said as she settled into the leather sofa, turning her warm smile first on Jenny before moving her attention to John. "How are we getting on then? All acquainted?" Without pausing for any forthcoming answer, Avril rattled on. "May I ask, John, if it's not an impertinent question ..." She paused and sipped her own wine. "Merry Christmas!" Avril called and raised her glass in salute.

Surprised at the sudden veering off topic by Avril, John blinked and mumbled in response. "Merry Christmas," he said.

Jenny smirked, used to Avril's quirkiness, before repeating the sentiment with her own raised glass.

"As I was saying, John," Avril continued. "If I might ask ... What brings you to our house on a Christmas Eve?"

Jenny saw the evasiveness in the man's expression. Saw his eyes shift as he wriggled under the spotlight of Avril's frank appraisal. Then it dawned on her, what the vulnerable quality was, that air about him; and Jenny came to same conclusion as Avril during her telephone conversation with John earlier that morning.

This bloke's a virgin.

"I ... uh. I just fancied a little fun. That's all." Both women noticed how he couldn't look them in the face as he spoke.

With a glance at Jenny, Avril probed gently. "Are you sure there isn't ... something else, John?"

"What do you mean?" the man said abruptly. "What are you getting at?"

"I think," Jenny interjected, "what Avril's asking is ..." She paused and then, after a quick look at Avril, who nodded almost imperceptibly, "well ... is this your first time? Not just with a working girl ... Is it your first time ever?"

"Ah, shit," John cursed. "Is it that obvious?" He slumped back in the chair, wishing he was somewhere else.

Avril eased forward in her seat. She placed the wine glass on the table and rose to her feet. After moving to stand in front of John, she raised the hem of her tight skirt to mid thigh and knelt. "It's all right, John," she soothed. "You're not the first young man to visit this house with that purpose in mind." She placed a hand on the troubled man's knee. With a wink and a grin at Jenny, Avril added, "And he won't be the last either, don't you think, Jenny?"

When the blonde in the evening dress and collar gave a low chuckle, responding to Avril's question with a smile of her own, John, to his surprise, felt greatly relieved now that it was out in the open. "It's just that I'm twenty-two," John groaned. "I mean, how embarrassing is that?" He swigged at the glass goblet, draining it of Merlot in two gulps. "How sad and pathetic can I be? I've got a great job, a nice flat, but I can't get a woman to sleep with me. I have to pay for it!"

Ignoring the potential for insult at John's last, venomous sentence, Avril stroked his leg again. An idea had come to her earlier, in the kitchen as she opened a fresh bottle of red. She'd half-formed a plan before even stepping back into the lounge, and, like all good plans, it was simple.

"Well," Avril began. "That's the vulgarity about visiting a house like mine. It's a business after all. It's Jenny's job, her livelihood." Avril looked across and caught Jenny's gaze. "But," Avril continued, "If Jenny's amenable ..." She arched her eyebrows in question to Jenny as she uttered the final words. "If Jenny's happy, why then, why don't you pay the hundred pounds for the hour of her time -- as we discussed on the phone -- and I'll join in for a nice little fuck. We could have a fun threesome to properly get you initiated. On the house so to speak."

John's jaw slackened as his mouth fell open and he stared wordless at Avril.

Jenny pulled a face as though the proposal meant little to her. She shrugged. "I don't mind either way."

"What about that then, John?" Avril asked, her hand moving higher on John's thigh. "I'll sleep with you for nothing. How do you like that idea? Your first time also turns out to be your first time with two women."

Flabbergasted, John could only shake his head and splutter, "Yuh ... you mean ...? He looked from Avril to Jenny and back to Avril. "Both ...?"

"Why not?" Avril laughed. "It's Christmas Eve, I've had a drink and I'm feeling horny; the wine always makes me frisky; I could use a nice hard cock, especially one attached to a nice young man. What do you think, John? Do you have the stamina for it? I warn you, you might be here for longer than an hour trying to satisfy me." Avril squeezed the bulge in John's jeans. "And do you want to know something else?" Avril continued, "I quite fancy Jenny myself. I wonder, Jenny..." the woman added, her expression suddenly vulpine, her voice taking on a low, dark, treacly timbre as lust burst between her legs. "... I wonder if you wouldn't mind a little threesome? And, if you didn't mind too much, perhaps I could lick your cunt?"

"Fuck!" John cried out in disbelief.

Jenny considered the idea. She knew of Avril's penchant for another woman every now and again. "All part of being a debauched bastard's sex toy," Avril had explained. "The things that man used to make me do," meaning her father's friend, the man who'd seduced her. "A lot of which was really fucking fabulous, darling. So kinky!" Jenny thought for a few moments and then grinned and nodded. It would be something different to the usual routine. It wasn't like she hadn't been involved in a threeway before, but the previous occasions had been purely business, this time, with Avril, her friend, it would be more ... intimate.

Jenny warmed to the idea. The thought of it actually turned her on. She felt a long dormant flutter of excitement in her chest. "Yeah," Jenny said. "Why not?" And when she saw the delight on Avril's face, as well as the desire in the woman's eyes, she experienced a rush of liquid lust warm her vulva. "Merry Christmas!" she gasped and drained her glass.

***

When Jenny rose to her feet, uncurled her lovely body and slid the bootlace straps of the gown over her shoulders, with the tanned upper slopes of her breasts revealed, Avril's voice broke through to John's consciousness. He'd been staring at the promise of more of Jenny's body being exposed to his hungry, lupine stare. "I'm sorry to interrupt, John," Avril said. "But let's get the vulgar business out of the way.

"Oh, yes, sorry," the man apologised, suddenly realising Avril's meaning. He reached for his wallet and lifted five twenties from within its folds. He handed the money to Avril and, when he next turned his attention to Jenny, he gasped.

"Lovely, isn't she?" Avril murmured. A rhetorical question, more a statement of simple fact.

Jenny posed, knowing the effect her dishabille would have, especially on a virgin.

While the blonde stood there, hand on a cocked hip, John stared at Jenny's legs, shaped and toned as a dancer's, their length accentuated by the lethal heels of her shoes. He saw the tanned skin of her thighs, smooth and inviting above her stocking tops, and gaped at the cleft of her depilated sex, the inner lips of which peeped shyly from between the plumper Labia Majoris. He groaned and pawed the front of his jeans as he took in the sight of Jenny's narrow waist and the rack of her brisket, and then sighed and squeezed harder at himself, staring hungrily at the sweeping uptilt of her breasts. 

"Fuck," John muttered.

"That's the idea," Avril responded. She regarded Jenny with a critical, Madam's eye. "You're a lovely colour, Jenny. At this time of year, too. Making use of the sunbed are we?" Without waiting for a reply, Avril held the wad of notes aloft. "I'll just put this away and make myself presentable." Then, following a lengthy pause, during which Avril also appraised Jenny's curves further, she added, "Take your clothes off, John. You and Jenny get acquainted. I'll join you both presently."

"You want me to take him upstairs, Av?" Jenny asked.

The mature woman's eyes swept the lounge, settled on the Christmas tree with its bright baubles and winking fairy lights. She grinned. "No, darling," she breathed. "Let's fuck in here. It feels so decadent to do it down here. We'll be comfy enough."

Alone with Jenny, John found himself at a loss as to how to proceed. "Can I touch you?" he asked timidly.

"Sure you can. Touch me anywhere you want." Jenny settled on the settee vacated by Avril and nodded at John. "But why don't you get out of those clothes. Then we can get comfortable and you can feel my boobs."

"Can I ...?" John swallowed heavily, his eyes glued to Jenny's breasts. "Can I lick you, too?" He pointed towards Jenny's vulva. "You know, down there. Can I kiss your pussy?"

"If you like," Jenny agreed. "I like it ... Being licked." Then, in a calculated move, she murmured, "I'd really like it if you'd lick my cunt, John." The man gasped, lust swelling in his throat. "Kiss my pussy and get me all wet before we fuck." She stared intently into John's face and saw the hunger there. If she wasn't careful he'd squirt jizm into his jeans. "After all, John, that's why you came to see me, isn't it? To fuck me."

"I ... I'm desperate for you," John gurgled as desire surged through him and sent him almost crazy with his need. He wanted to throw himself at the beautiful woman as she stroked her own skin and taunted him with smouldering eyes. His cock pulsed when Jenny, pouting, lifted her breasts in her palms and offered the fruit to him.

"Get undressed and then you can touch me," Jenny breathed. "You can suck my titties and feel me all over." She smirked and, with eyes feline slits, added, "And if you like, I'll suck your cock."

With a whine of desperation, lust flaring hot in his veins, John's fingers scrabbled at his clothing. Eventually, after a comedic undressing, with Jenny somehow holding back her mirth as she watched John divest himself of his clothing, he stood there, panting and naked save for his socks, an oversight during his frantic struggle to rid himself of clothing and be at the delicious woman in front of him.

"Not a good look, John," Jenny said, smiling as she pointed to John's feet. "Don't worry about it," she added when, after looking down, John's cheeks flushed scarlet. "Honestly, don't worry about it, John. I understand you're nervous as hell." Jenny draped herself across the sofa and, in a carelessly wanton gesture, let her legs fall bonelessly apart. "And you're as horny as a dog with two cocks, aren't you?" she added coarsely. Jenny slid her middle finger through the folds of her pussy. "Come on. I'm all yours. Touch me."

John groaned after he pulled off his socks, hopping on one foot and then the other. Then he stroked his erection, aroused to a fever pitch at the casual way that Jenny had flaunted herself. "Oh, God, just look at that," he gasped as he stared at Jenny, languid in repose.

"Look at you, more like," the woman replied, pointing at his engorged member. "All big and stiff and ready for me."

Suddenly concerned by his comparative naiveté, aware now, that Jenny, in her profession, must have seen ... well, she was infinitely more experienced, John experienced the typical male angst of: would he measure up? 

"Is it all right?" he asked. "You know ..."

Aware of the fragility of the male ego, Jenny suppressed the urge to roll her eyes -- why did they always have to compete with each other? Men, they were just kids really, always needing to be faster, stronger or have a big fucking cock. Jenny nodded and assured John he was fine. "It's gorgeous, John. You've got nothing to worry about. It's big and hard and it'll feel so good when you fuck me."

John, however, looked doubtful. "Are you sure?" He looked down at his erection. "I mean, don't you ... working girls give it all the talk? Don't you put on a bit of an act, like? You know ... When you're doing it?"

A sudden anger flared in Jenny's chest. Of all the fucking cheek!

But, she admitted to herself, he was right. Sometimes, if it was someone less than pleasant was heaving away on top of her, of course she'd lay it on a bit thick, all the moaning and panting and fake orgasms. And then she remembered how breakable her virgin might be, and on a rush of tenderness and understanding she beckoned to John. 

Crooking a forefinger at him, inviting him to come to her, she said in a quiet voice, "I promise you, John, that since this is your first time ... I won't pretend. If I moan or groan ... or climax even, then you can rest assured it's all a hundred percent genuine."

'You're so lovely," John sighed as he knelt on the carpet. "I just want this to be special."

"I'll make sure it is," Jenny said, meaning it as she reached for John's hand. "And so will Avril. Touch me," she whispered.

When his fingers touched the woman's breast for the first time, John moaned. "They're so ..." he began, both hands massaging Jenny's flesh. "I can't explain it. They feel so soft and yet spongy at the same time."

Jenny laughed, not unkindly. "They're just boobs," she said, grinning. Then, her face suddenly serious as that unfamiliar sensation pulsed between her legs, Jenny murmured, "Kiss them. Suck my nipples." The lub-lub between her legs quickened and she felt herself flooding down below. Wonders would never cease. A punter had gotten to her! She was fucking turned on by the act of sharing such a momentous occasion with John.

John mumbled and groaned and slurped at Jenny's tits. He mauled at her, the urgency of his inflamed desire overriding his usual good manners. "Fuck," he grunted. "You're so sexy. I can't believe I'm here, with you, like this." John gasped and leaned back, his eyes wide with the wonder of it. "I want to fuck you," he snarled. Tugging at his cock John scrambled between Jenny's legs. "I want to put it in," he whined. 'I'm going fucking crazy."

Surprised and a little afraid by the sudden change in the young man, Jenny pressed the palm of a hand at his chest. "Woah, baby. Down boy. Easy tiger." She nudged John's hand from his penis, replacing his fist with her long fingers. She held him down low close to his root. "Take your time. Savour the moment. That way it'll be so much sweeter when we do ... eventually ... fuck."

"But I'm so fucking hot for you!" John cried out. "I'm fucking desperate."

A voice from the doorway interrupted John's lustful eagerness: "Well, well, John," Avril said. "Aren't we the ardent one?" She pointed at the young man's erection as he rose to his feet and turned to face her.

"Oh my God ..." John gasped, taking in the sight of Avril framed in the doorway. He gaped at her, his eyes bulging as his jaw slackened. Recovering slightly, still staring at Avril, John blabbered, "I can't believe this is happening. The two of you ..."

"You approve, darling?" Avril breathed in her best Hollywood starlet fashion. She laid a languid eyelid on her cheek in a theatrical wink at Jenny. Soto Voce, in an aside to the other woman, Avril said, "Corsets, darling. Hide a multitude of sins." She then thrust her bare breasts, a comber wave of bulging tit-flesh, in John's direction. "They hide a multitude of sins while giving the girls a little extra lift. What do you think, John? Will I do for you?"

"Those tits," John sighed.

Avril laughed as she walked into the room. "You like them big, do you, darling boy?"

"I love them," John spluttered. "But you two, both of you are just so ... so ... It's perfect ... I couldn't have wished for anything better than this."

"And I'm going to fuck you because I want to, John," Avril reminded him. "You just remember that when you go out next and chat up some girl. You," Avril said emphatically, pressing a fingertip at John's chest, "can get a girl without having to pay her. I fancy you, you and your lovely cock." Avril curled her fingers around John's tumescence. "And I'm going to suck it and let you put it inside me and fuck me. Would you like me to do that, John?"

"Oh, God, yes ..."

"And, since you're a virgin and there's no chance of anything nasty passing between us, I think I'll let you fuck me bare-back. No condom. I mean, a lad's first time should be all skin to skin. What about you, Jenny?" Avril said as she squeezed the length of stiff gristle in her fist. "Are you game for him to fuck without a johnny?" Avril chuckled. "John without a Johnny ... Get it?"

Jenny considered this for a moment. "I suppose it's OK. I mean, there's no chance of him giving me anything is there?"

"Well," said Avril, chuckling again. "Only his cock. I hope he gives us his cock ... and spunk of course. I like to watch a man's face as he comes; I love to see a cock flicking spunk out of its end."

While Avril stroked his stiffness, John curled an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. He hefted the breast closest to him on one palm, marvelling at the weight. "So fucking sexy," he gasped, rolling the round, heavy orb in his fingers.

"Kiss me, John," Avril murmured. "I know it's something a lot of girls don't do, kissing, but I think you're a nice clean boy and I don't mind. Kiss me," she repeated, "it makes me wet between the legs. And then I'm going to suck your cock." She nodded at Jenny who still sat on the sofa, observing. "We'll share it between us. Both of us, John; think about that for a moment, the two of us sucking your stiffy."

John pressed his mouth to Avril's and felt her lips part. Her tongue slid into his open mouth, searching for his as he squeezed her boobs and she caressed the length of him. This was unbelievable! What a stroke of luck finding that number. Two gorgeous women, both perfect for his taste. It was going to happen. He was going to get fucked; he was going to have the pair of them -- at the same time!

The common one, Jenny, was absolutely stunning, a hot babe with a gorgeous body, while the other, Avril, OK, maybe not as physically pleasing as Jenny, but what a pair of tits; he loved their roundness and button nipples. And talk about a dirty mouth! John had to admit that the posh totty accent got him going too. He loved her sassy style and bawdy character. In fact, in spite of Avril's more rounded figure, or perhaps because of it, John found he was actually more attracted to Avril. Jenny, sexy as hell as she was, just didn't have the whole package. Not that he'd turn down the chance to lick and touch and fuck her, he wasn't crazy, it was just he preferred Avril.

He forced himself to calm down, to hold himself in check. He'd nearly gotten carried away with Jenny earlier, had almost just climbed aboard and shoved his dick into her. But she was right. Savour it, let it all happen slowly and commit every moan and taste and texture to memory. He'd be wanking off this experience for the rest of his days.

Finally, with a liquid plop, the kiss broke. Avril nudged John's chest with a hand, and the man found himself slumped next to Jenny in the sofa's embrace.




A Christmas Tart ... with a Heart



"Who first, John?" Avril asked in a teasing voice. "Which one of us do you want to suck your cock first?" When John didn't respond immediately, and how could he faced with a decision like that, Avril knelt and reached for him. "I think I'll take first suck, since I'm the boss and all." She poked a pink tongue out at Jenny before, with no further preamble, she leaned in and popped the cock-head between her lips.

"Shit," grunted John, the air hissing out of him as he tore his eyes from Avril's bobbing head and stared into Jenny's face. "She's sucking me," he said, stupidly since it was plainly apparent to Jenny exactly what Avril was up to. "Can I kiss you too?" John groaned.

Aroused and hot for action Jenny was surprised to find herself fingering her own pussy. She nodded. "Why not," she said, wincing with pleasure at the tingling of her clitoris. "Like Avril said, you're a nice clean boy, and I don't mind."

"Kiss me as well," Avril moaned as she looked up from her work on John's penis. Her fingers moved urgently between her legs as she too fingered her gooey sex. "You kiss me, Jenny. Taste his cock on my tongue."

"You're filthy, Avril," Jenny muttered, but leaned across John's legs all the same. She lowered her face to Avril's and their mouths locked.

"Fucking hell," John sighed. "Look at you two ..."

"Your turn now, Jenny," gasped Avril, her eyes glittering with lust. "Suck him. I want to watch it. Let me see you suck cock."

Over the years, Avril had found ample opportunity to indulge her voyeuristic inclinations. It was one of the perks of the job, and since she ran the house she found plenty of opportunities to treat herself. For some reason however, Avril had curbed the urge to watch Jenny with a guest. Not that she hadn't thought about it, of course she had, but something had told her to wait for a special occasion -- and here it was, in the form of John and his virginity. The thought of seeing the virgin and Jenny fucking made Avril's cunt almost snarl with lust. She wanted to see the blonde's pussy stretched around the girth of John's cock. In her mind she already saw herself, face inches from their conjunction, pulling the boy's glistening shaft from Jenny's hole so she could lick the woman's nectar from the greasy pole.

"Isn't this fun, John?" Avril said as she stared into the man's contorted face. "Look at her, look at her sucking you. Isn't she beautiful?"

"Fuck, yes," John grunted as he watched Avril pull Jenny's face off his stalk. "Both of you," he gasped. "So beautiful." He tugged his cock with his fist while the two women shared yet another tongue-swirling kiss.

Avril released Jenny, who immediately returned her mouth to John's cock.

"Suck him," Avril moaned. "Suck that cock, Jenny."

Then, inevitably, John gave a long groan. His hips jerked, buttocks lifting from the sofa as he grunted a curse.

"Do it, John," Avril called out. Her eyes shone with lust, a moan bursting from between her lips as she rubbed her clit with an urgent, circling forefinger. "Wank it out of yourself, John. Jenny, he's going to come. Don't let him come in your mouth. I want to see the stuff pour out of him."

Jenny gasped and let John's pulsing member slip from her lips. She levered herself upright and reached for him. "I'll do it," she said, her voice piping with her own arousal. "I'll wank it for you, John. You just sit there and let it go."

"It feels so good," John gasped. He turned his glazed eyes to Jenny. "It feels better than ever before." John then looked towards Avril, and when he saw her there, on the carpet, legs wide, fingers busy at her cunt, the movement of her arm causing her big tits to shiver, he grunted and announced his imminent climax. 'I'm going to do it," he gurgled. He took control of his erection, replacing Jenny's hand with his own. "I'm going to ... going to fucking come ..."

The first squirt spurted from the slit in the cock-head with such vehemence that it flew over John's shoulder and spattered against the upright of the leather sofa. Then, as he groaned and sighed, eyes rolling, his face a mask of ecstatic agony, he sprayed his seed wildly, his cock sending spurts of viscous goo in indiscriminate bursts like a madman with a machine gun.

The stuff rained down onto his belly and chest, while one stray glob splashed across Jenny's body. The shimmering blob of spunk caught Jenny across her torso, just below her left breast, clinging to her skin, glistening.

"Bloody hell," Jenny said. "He's coming buckets."

Avril, her eyes gleaming with excitement, nodded. "The poor darling. All that pent up frustration. Did you see how it all just pumped out of him?" She rubbed herself and groaned. "All that spunk," she sighed.

John sat there gasping. He looked around as though shocked. "So good," he panted. Swallowing heavily, John shook his head in disbelief. "So good," he repeated.

Jenny heaved herself off the sofa. "I'd better get a towel or something."

"You do that," Avril grunted. She levered herself into a kneeling position and, with her fingers still working between her legs, shuffled towards John on her knees. "You get a towel, darling," Avril said to Jenny. "I'll start cleaning him up myself."

With her free hand, Avril lifted John's oozing cock. John stared down at her, his chest still heaving as he fought to recover his breath.

"That's so ..." he began, and then groaned.

Avril sucked at the head of John's cock, her tongue busy as she slurped the residual spunk from him. She then licked the shaft clean before licking dollops of goo from John's belly and torso with her tongue.

"I'm going to come," Avril groaned. Her whole forearm moved as she rubbed at herself, goading her hot and swollen vulva to a shattering climax. "Kiss me, John. Kiss me as I come, darling."

The scene that greeted Jenny upon her return was one of Avril and John engaged in a long, heavy kiss, their mouths locked while Avril grunted and moaned and John stroked his smeared cock. 

Slowly, as though in a dream, Jenny walked towards the sofa. When Avril, even as her limbs twitched, her orgasm cooling, sensed Jenny's presence, she looked up at the younger woman and smiled.

"You too, Jenny," she sighed, extending her arm, offering Jenny her hand. "Come down here and kiss me."

The three were sharing a tongue-swirling kiss, all of them vying for attention as they gasped and sighed and moaned.

Then, the mobile phone rang.

***

The reality of his situation raised its head to John when Avril, albeit with a muttered curse, untangled herself from the chaos of their entwined limbs and, staggering slightly on her high heels, went to answer the phone.

John dabbed the towel at the semen cooling on his body and considered the situation. He'd paid for an hour of Jenny's time. That Avril had offered herself was an unexpected -- and fucking terrific -- bonus, but now, with the insistent chirruping of that bloody phone, John realised he'd already used almost three quarters of an hour. Did the clock start ticking as soon as he crossed the threshold? Did the drinks and pre-fun chat count too? Avril had said he could possibly be there beyond the hour, but did the ringing phone change that plan? 

A band of disappointment gripped his chest. The way he saw it, the that phone call meant more business for Jenny. John would have his fun and be out the door and the next punter could roll up to sample the delights.

"Shit," John mumbled. He felt an empty void in the pit of his stomach, a hollow ache that ballooned as he imagined himself on the cold side of the door while, inside, Avril and Jenny would dismiss him from their minds and ready themselves for the next man. OK, he'd no longer be a virgin, but to think he'd be just another 'John' to the two women, that they held him in no higher esteem than any other punter who walked into the house made his stomach turn with bitterness.

He had half a mind, a petulant moment where he thought to leave, to get dressed and simply go. Then he looked at Jenny, who herself had eyes on Avril. On second thoughts he would go through with it, Jenny was too sexy to resist. Besides, he'd paid a hundred quid for her time; might as well make the most of the cash. He had no concerns over his ability to perform. After what he'd seen and heard and done, he'd be hard for a week.

Avril reached the phone and lifted it from the table.

"Hello, Avril's," she said. "A visit? Today?" Avril frowned with the phone to her ear. "Would you be so kind as to hold on while I check the diary, darling?" A pause as she listened to the punter on the other end of the line, and then: "Thank you. I won't be a moment."

Avril turned to face the couple regarding her from their perch on the sofa. She looked directly at Jenny, enquiring with an arched brow, a look that said it was up to Jenny.

Jenny stared back at her friend for a few seconds before swivelling in her seat to find John stroking his cock, watching her. She shrugged. "I think the diary's full, Av." She gestured towards John with a wave. "But it's up to you. It's your business after all."

Avril smirked and lifted the handset. "I'm sorry, darling, but we appear to be booked up for the rest of the day." Avril grinned as she hung up and switched off the phone. She dropped the instrument carelessly onto the table.

***

John's throat swelled with emotion, his cock pulsing with excitement when he saw Avril drop the phone. He heard her say, "Good girl, Jenny. It's our boy's special day." She gave a shrug. "And what's a few quid. I'd rather have a day off and entertain a man I, even though we've just met, a man I like." Avril took several slow, deliberate steps towards the settee. "What do you say, John?" She paused and pouted, hands on her hips. "Is there anywhere you have to be? Anyone expecting you for Christmas Eve?"

John, with his cock momentarily forgotten, reddened slightly. "Not today," he stammered, not quite sure at this turn of events and what Avril was leading to. "I've got to be at my mum's tomorrow ... for Christmas Day ..."

Avril nodded. "OK then. It was going to be just the two of us here tonight." She thrust her chin in Jenny's direction. "Jenny and I were going to have a few glasses and a natter. But, what do you say, Jenny? Shall we invite John to stay here too? Have a little party this afternoon? And this evening we could pop to a pub and see a bit of life. What do you think? Does that sound fun?"

That could be just what she needed, Jenny decided, to get out there and enjoy herself instead of brooding on about her upcoming birthday. Suddenly it seemed like the best idea she'd heard in a long time. John seemed a nice bloke, and it wouldn't do his confidence any harm to be seen out and about with two attractive women. Jenny knew from her years in the business that plenty of younger men would look at John with green-eyed envy as the trio passed from pub to pub. She made a mental note to mention it to Avril, when they had a moment to themselves -- that they should make a fuss over John, make him out to be the big stud who had two mature blondes in his stable and who could satisfy them both.

"I can't think of a better way to spend the day, Av," Jenny replied, "playtime with you two now and a few drinks tonight." She winked and smiled at a gobsmacked John. 

Avril clapped her hands with glee. "Oh goody." She eyed the empty wine glasses. "Shall I get us a refill, my lovelies?" Then, turning her attention to John she asked, "I take it you are staying, John? For the afternoon?" The man managed, through his surprise at this turn of events, to nod in response. "And this evening? Will you be out for a few drinks with us? And then a night with me upstairs?"

"Oh, God," John said in a strangled voice. "Can I? Can I really stay here with the two of you?"

"I can't speak for Jenny," Avril said after picking up the glasses, "but I don't mind if you want to sleep with me tonight. I can't think of a better way of breaking your duck."

John swallowed heavily and stared at Avril's big breasts. She looked fucking terrific in that corset, like something out of a dirty magazine. In fact this whole situation was like something from Color Climax; he couldn't have scripted this scene himself in his fantasies; and here he was living it in real life!

"That's settled then, you'll stay," Avril finished. She turned and, with John watching her buttocks jiggle, left the room for the kitchen.

"You lucky bugger," Jenny said. "I knew Avril was a big-hearted woman, kind and generous, but I've never seen her make an offer like that before. She must have taken a shine to you."

"I ... I can't believe it myself," John stammered. "This kind of thing just doesn't happen to me. Maybe it isn't happening ... I wonder if I'm really dreaming, and in a minute, I'll wake up."

"Would you be disappointed?" Jenny asked, moving across the settee.

"Devastated."

"Here," Jenny said, thrusting her breasts forward. "Touch me, John. Do I feel real to you?"

John whined when his fingers touched the woman's skin. His cock jerked, swelling to full-blooded tumescence as his desire reignited. He groaned when Jenny reached for him and stroked his length. "You're so beautiful," he sighed.

"Would you like to lick me? I'd like you to. I'm the only one who hasn't come yet; you and Avril are ahead of me. How about kissing my cunt and sucking my clit? Let me show you how a woman likes to kissed between her legs."

Jenny pushed herself away from John, her buttocks sliding over the leather until she sat almost wedged into a corner of the seat. She casually lifted on slender leg and let her thighs fall apart. The scarlet slit gaped open in a lewd, sticky-lipped vertical smile. John stared at Jenny's swollen vulva as the woman splayed the labia with her fingertips.

"Right there," John," Jenny sighed, unsheathing her clitoris to rub at the exposed nub with her middle finger. "That's where I want you to lick me. Put your tongue inside me as well, but suck my clit."

Blood surged through John's veins as desire surged through him in an arterial burst of lust and, eyes wide while his mouth twisted in a silent snarl he leapt at Jenny, lunging for her, desperate for a taste.

Jenny mewled and sighed with pleasure. "That's the spot, baby. Lick my clit. Tongue my cunt. Finger me. I'm horny for it. Do it hard ... Harder! Push a finger in and curl it inside me. Rub me ... Fuck ... Lick me, finger me ... That's it, lover. Get me there soon."

"You dirty pair of fuckers," Avril cried when she returned. "Is it really that good, Jenny?" she asked when she saw the woman's face twisted in a rictus of agonised lust and heard the torrent of filthy exhortation gushing from her mouth.

Jenny chewed on her bottom lip and stared at Avril through glazed eyes, her eyelids heavy with desire. "It's fan-fucking-tastic," Jenny grunted, mauling at her own breasts. To John she then urged, "More on my clit. Go on, suck it between your teeth. Two fingers in my pussy, now fuck me with your fingers!"

Avril placed one of the two wine glasses she held onto the table. She carried the other over to the settee, sipping at the Merlot as she watched Jenny's face. "Come for us, darling," she sighed. As she held the glass with one hand, Avril squeezed her breasts with the other. She mauled one heavy orb before caressing the other, plucking at her nipples with her fingers before sliding the hand between her legs.

John paused, gasping for breath as Jenny squealed at him to carry on. "Don't stop, you bastard! Keep licking me. "I'm so fucking close ..."

Unsure as to just what he was doing, John nevertheless gamely returned to his task. He tried to do it all, even sometimes attempting to comply with contradictory instructions. He dabbed his tongue at her clit, probed deep into the opening to Jenny's body itself, slurping at the desire that siped from the woman in a constant dribble. He shoved two stiff fingers into her, and then a third, finger-fucking and licking until, finally, with a long, low wail, Jenny's back arched and her body convulsed.

"Oh my, oh my," Avril sighed. "You absolutely lucky bitch. That looks so gorgeous."

John fell away from Jenny's juddering body. He watched in awe at what he'd created. The woman was going mental, groaning and gasping, writhing and clawing at the leather upholstery; and the language that poured out of her! Jenny spat obscenities at him, her eyes flashing as she told him precisely how fucking good it felt to come.

John looked up from where he lay sprawled on the carpet close to Jenny's heel scything dangerously as she thrashed and wriggled. Avril looked down at him. "I think it's time for a little fuck," the woman drawled. "After seeing her come like that, I could do with the itch in my pussy scratching. I feel fucking dirty, John."

"Oh, Avril," John gasped as he hauled himself upright. "Can I fuck you now?"

"You'd better," Avril grinned. "But, the question is, since it's your first time, how do you want me?"

John blinked, confused by the question. "Huh?"

"Do you want me missionary, doggy, standing up ... on my fucking head? What position, John? I'm asking you how you want me."

John shrugged. "I dunno," he mumbled.

"Come with me," Avril commanded, taking charge. "This has to be done properly. Upstairs. In bed." Leading John from the room by his erect cock, wine glass aloft, Avril glanced at Jenny. "When you've finished making a mess on my good leather settee, Jenny, perhaps you could join us?" She chuckled, with no trace of rancour in her tone at the stain on the furniture.

In the few minutes that passed from Avril, supine, offering herself to him, and Jenny's eventual appearance on the scene, John had clambered onto the bed, knelt between the woman's spread thighs, and slid, balls deep into her.

John fell a little in love with Avril at that moment -- after all, the first time is meant to be special --and he felt a curious cocktail of emotions with the tender moment of intimacy he shared with her. Some instinct told him to probe deeper, not to thrust too hard, but just slowly glide in and out. John watched her face as Avril's expression, honestly and truthfully told him she felt him there, between her legs, sliding deep into her body.

An overwhelming sensation engulfed him, a feeling of completeness as Avril closed around his girth, her spongy wetness, the molten heat of her gripping him in a firm yet oddly liquid embrace. This was it, finally he was inside a woman. He could feel her, hungry for him as her insides clamped around his root.

"Oh, God," John groaned.

"Look at me," Avril sighed. "Look at my face. Look into my eyes, darling. Move with me." Avril's hips rocked as she sensed the emotion from John. "Slowly. Love me nice and slow. Let it build. Let me take you there."

Jenny stood in the doorway and watched the lovers. She knew, instinctively that she had the privilege to witness something special. This was so unexpected, one of those little twists in a single day's experience that could alter the course of lives.

"Oh my God," Jenny muttered. "Look at you two." Moving into the room, Jenny went quietly to the side of the bed. Avril's eyes, glazed at first, focussed upon her.

"What's happening?" Avril gasped, understanding on some visceral, intuitive level that something momentous was occurring. "I ... He ... Oh, God, Jenny ..." Avril gulped, swallowing heavily as her eyes bored into her friend's.

"This is so good," John sighed. "I could do this forever, Avril." 

"I want you to," Avril grunted. Even at that early stage she knew with clear certainty that she would have John again. She wanted him like a normal couple, not as part of a sordid business deal. As arousing as the threesome was, and seeing John and Jenny together had turned her on, she wanted John, on her own, in private, where they could explore each other emotionally and physically. "Love me, John, ride with me, darling. Fill me with your lovely cock and let it go. Come inside me. Please. We can do it again, later, all night if you want. But please," she implored, "fill me. Let it go."




A Christmas Tart ... with a Heart



John held himself up on straight arms. He looked down to where Avril's body accommodated him, the tacky labia clinging to his greasy shaft on his outstroke as though she never wanted him to leave her. Suddenly he felt the surge of his climax. "Avril," he grunted. "I'm ..."

"Pour it into me. Fill me with your seed," Avril groaned. Her hips jerked and her fingernails raked the skin of John's back as the urgency overwhelmed her.

"I'm coming," John gasped.

"So am I!" wailed Avril.

John thrust deep and hard, one, two, and then a third jerk of his hips. He thrust deeper and harder, the head of his cock nudging the woman's cervix as his seed spat out of him to flood her body.

"That was incredible," gasped John as, eventually, once his climax had cooled and he slid from Avril's oozing body, he rolled onto his back, panting and with a forearm draped across his brow like an actress in an old-time melodrama.

"You have no idea," Avril panted, breathing as heavily as her lover while she lay there, legs wide, John's semen sliding down the crease of her arse. "Jesus ... Jenny," Avril gasped. "He made me come so hard." Avril then turned her face to John. "In all my years ..." she began, and then stopped, too shocked at the effect this virgin had had on her to find the words to express her feelings.

"I saw, Av," Jenny murmured, still not quite able to comprehend what she'd witnessed. There was more to this that met the eye. This was no simple coupling, a quenching of two thirsts, a satisfying of two hungers. There was something between these two. Jenny sensed it; she'd seen something, albeit fleeting, pass between the pair as they coupled on the big, comfortable bed.

For a second or two, or perhaps three or four, Jenny felt a prick of jealousy in her chest. It seemed to her that, potentially, for as long as it lasted, that Avril and John had connected, and connected on a more spiritual, deeper level that at their genitalia. Again, the spectre of her fortieth birthday loomed, and with no pension -- not in her game -- Jenny viewed the future with trepidation. She wished for something like this for herself. Avril and John had melded, bonded in a meeting of minds and sexuality that transcended the differences in age, experience and monetary wealth.

Avril's gasp pushed Jenny's concerns from her mind. "Jenny," Avril moaned. "Come here, darling. Hold my hand." Jenny moved away from the doorway, deeper into the room. "Kiss me, Jenny," Avril groaned. "Kiss me gently." Jenny lowered her face towards Avril until their lips met. The two women shared a deep, intimate kiss before Jenny broke away. "Kiss him now, Jenny," Avril said quietly, pointing to John as he watched from his side of the bed. "I ..." Avril hesitated. "I want to watch the two of you together," she murmured.

"Are you sure?" Jenny asked. "It just looked to me like ... something just went on between you two."

Avril rolled off the bed and gestured with a sweep of an arm. "That doesn't matter now. I want to watch the two of you together. Please. Let me watch the two of you fucking."

Jenny looked towards John. "What about you, John? Do you want to fuck me?"

John first regarded Avril, unsure. Something indefinable that had passed between him and Avril and he wanted to explore it further, to attempt to analyse what he felt at that moment. "I ... I'm not sure," he said. "I ..." He looked at Jenny. "You're beautiful, Jenny ... But—"

Avril interjected with an impatient gesture. "John," she murmured. "We'll talk later. I know you felt it, I felt it too. But now, right now, what I want, whatever happens between us in the future ..." and Avril felt there was a future with John. For how long, she had no idea. But she was going to go for it. "... I want to watch you with Jenny. I'll be here, with you while you do it. I'll be with you both; it'll be the three of us together."

"How?" John muttered.

"Get on your hands and knees, Jenny," Avril ordered. "Get behind her, John. Hold her hips. That's right, open yourself up, Jenny, darling. Spread your lips like that. Offer him your cunt."

Jenny knelt and rested on her elbows. She thrust her behind in the air and felt John's fingers clamp her hips. She reached back under her body with one hand and splayed her labia. Then, with a groan bubbling from her lips, Jenny felt the cock-head nudge her before it slid past the slightest resistance and filled her.

Avril climbed onto the bed and pressed her body against John's. "Fuck her. Make her groan."

"You're incredible, Avril," John grunted.

Avril grinned and mauled her breasts before pressing the heavy mounds against the young man's torso. "I know. Now shut up and fuck her. I want to watch you come again. I want to hear her scream." Avril's palm slapped down against Jenny's trembling rump. "Come on," she shouted. "Move your arse, Jenny. Fuck that cock. Milk it, darling girl. Feel him deep inside you."

John curled an arm around Avril's waist. He felt the taut fabric and hard struts of the corset under his fingers as he pulled her tight, twisting his head to kiss her while thrusting into Jenny.

"Listen to you two slapping together," Avril gasped when she broke the kiss. She smacked a palm against Jenny's buttock again. "Push back onto it. Fuck him. Take him deep, Jenny."

Jenny levered herself up from her elbows to rest on her palms. Looking back over her shoulder she glared at Avril. "He's already in danger of knocking my teeth out, Av. He's huge in there. So stiff and ... fuck, that's deep," she groaned, her eyes rolling.

John's eyes flicked from the curve of Jenny waist to the trembling flesh of her hips and buttocks. He saw his cock sliding in and out of her body, slippery and smeared with their combined lust. He faced Avril again, glanced at her breasts squashed against him and, with a groan of sublime pleasure, locked his mouth to hers.

Meanwhile Jenny had lowered herself onto a single forearm and, with her rump still high in the air and her cunt at John's mercy, reached under herself and rubbed her clit.

An urgent grunt burst from John. "I'm going to come," he groaned.

"Take it out," Avril instructed as she pushed Jenny forcibly on the hip. John's smeared erection slid out of the woman's body when she collapsed forward still rubbing herself and gasping into her burgeoning climax. Avril then pushed at John so he too sprawled across the bed. Moving quickly she lay alongside John and took hold of his cock. "I'm going to taste her on your prick, John," Avril said, her fist moving quickly along the shaft. "Come into my mouth. Let me taste you two together; her on your dick while you squirt into my mouth."

The words sent John over the edge. He groaned and gasped and stared at Avril's concave cheeks as she sucked at the plum of his cock-head. Her fingers worked at the root of him, moving down to squeeze his testicles as though she could milk more semen from those balls. John could see Jenny's face, a twisted grimace inches from his own as she writhed and groaned, her orgasm squelching around her probing fingers.

John cursed as he felt himself go. "Oh shit ..." And then the feelings washed over him.

With the man's balls almost drained of fluid from his previous outpourings, Avril felt only a short squirt against her tongue. Not a bad effort, all things considered. The poor boy had maintained an erection for three orgasms in a row, which showed incredible stamina, even considering how hot and bothered he must have been in the first place. Avril slurped at the residual ooze of watery semen, rolling the goo around in her mouth until she parted her lips and let the ooze dribble over her chin.

"You filthy bitch, Avril," Jenny said.

"I am, aren't I," Avril replied with a grin before she scooped a finger under a long strand of spunk that shivered in a fragile thread off her chin. She slid the digit into her mouth and cleaned it with a moue of pleasure. Avril then reached for her wine glass and swigged from it.

"I'm going for a shower," Jenny said as she rolled from the bed. She unfastened the straps of her shoes and kicked them from her feet. Then, after unclipping the garter belt at her waist, unrolling the stockings and removing her collar, Jenny padded from the room.

"You'll stay with us tonight, won't you John?" Avril asked as she moved close to her new lover. "And will you come and see me tomorrow? After you've seen your mother?"

John caressed Avril's head, the platinum blonde hair smooth under his fingers. "I'd like that," he murmured, a little shy now that the heat had dissipated and his cock had shrunk to a shrivelled giblet. "I ... I'd like to see you a lot more, Avril. If that's OK," he added hurriedly.

"I'd like that a lot." Avril squirmed and twisted onto her side to look at John when she spoke. "It's crazy, we don't know each other at all, and of course there's my ... profession, but I'd like to see you again, John. Even with the difference in our ages ..." She sighed and rubbed a palm over John's chest. Her hand slid to his diminished penis. Cupping the man in her hand, Avril continued. "Did you have fun?" she asked, in a sudden change of tack.

"Avril ... I ... it ..." John shook his head. 'It was just incredible, Avril. You and Jenny ... Wow. I'm going to remember this forever."

They kissed, a slow exploration, lingering and so filled with tastes and textures and new sensations for John. That Avril had recently virtually gargled with his spunk and then rinsed it down with Merlot didn't put John off kissing her one iota. He loved the way her tongue slid across his and the way she sighed and moaned. He touched her breasts again, savouring the weight of them and the way the nipples stiffened at his touch. When he reached a hand down between Avril's thighs, John was thrilled by the way she opened her legs and just offered herself.

"You're so wet," John sighed.

"And you're getting hard again."

"You make me hard, Avril."

"Do you want to put it in, or shall we save it for later? You've got me for the rest of the day and all night, darling. In fact, you've got as long as you like with me."

***

"Fuck." The pain throbbed, dull yet deep at some point behind her forehead, a Cyclopean ache that even pulsed with every lub-lub of her heartbeat. Jenny licked her cracked lips and rolled over with a groan, reaching for her watch on the nightstand next to the bed.

Fragments came back to her from the night before -- Christmas Eve, so today was Christmas itself. Snapshot images of her and Avril and John in a series of pubs. Jenny dimly recalled the taxi ride back to the big house, vaguely remembered watching Avril and John, so obviously enthralled with one another, stagger upstairs to Avril's boudoir.

Jenny groaned again when she saw the time, the hands on the watch face indicating ten in the morning. Thirst and nicotine craving forced her out of bed, and after an unsteady, somewhat bilious decent to the ground floor, Jenny first gulped a pint of water and then set the kettle to boil. She flicked on the television and watched, through bleary eyes, only half paying attention to the sight of saccharin celebrities enthusiastically doling out gifts in some children's hospital.

She smoked and sipped coffee and hoped the fucking hangover wasn't going to be too dire.

"Morning," Avril trilled as she appeared in the kitchen. "Merry Christmas!"

"Oh yeah, a very merry fucking Christmas," Jenny croaked hoarsely. "You look way more bright than you deserve," she added as she turned to face her friend.

"And you look awful, dear," Avril replied. 'It's a good job you're not working today. You'd scare the poor chaps away."

Jenny grimaced and sucked at a fresh cigarette. "Well thanks a lot." She narrowed her eyes and regarded a chipper Avril as the woman bustled around the kitchen. "How come you're so full of the joys?" Even as she asked the question, Jenny held up a hand. "Don't tell me ... a hard-on put that smug smirk on your face."

Reaching for the burning cigarette between Jenny's fingers, Avril sucked on it and then coughed out a cloud of smoke. "Bloody hell," she spluttered. "I'm glad I've gave those disgusting things up." Then, when she'd recovered from the coughing spasm sufficiently, Avril scolded, "And don't be so uncouth, Jenny." She laughed. "It's Christmas, I'm full of seasonal cheer and goodwill ... But yes, I've been up half the night ..." Avril's face twisted into a grin. "... Or should I say, John's been up half the night. The boy's insatiable, darling! I almost had to call for your assistance." Avril levelled a look at the dishevelled and decidedly bleary-eyed Jenny. "Not that you'd have been much help. Rat-arsed last night, weren't you."

"I'll say," Jenny replied, her mouth turned up at the corners in a wry grin. "But what about you and John? You were all over each other. In public too. It was embarrassing to watch. At your age ..." she teased.

"I... I like him, Jenny. I can't explain it. I'm as surprised as anyone. But we had a talk, last night, in between some very, very energetic sex." In an aside to the main topic, as Avril was prone to do, she added, "He's a quick learner, and very keen, and he's absolutely filthy, darling. He had his tongue squirming in my anus while he used two fingers and a thumb on my cunny and clitty." Avril rolled her eyes at the delicious memory of her lover's wriggling tongue probing her sphincter. "But we'll just see how it goes. No expectations, no promises ... Other than I'm going to stop working and just run the house from now on. No more fucking the guests." Avril's expression turned sly and she smirked. "But we might have some fun with other people as a couple. I've tried monogamy and it just doesn't suit me. I'm too much of a randy slut, but as long as John and I are clear on boundaries, I think we could have a little fun together."

But Jenny was no longer paying any attention to Avril's heartfelt outpouring. Instead she was distracted by the television. She blinked and stared at the screen as a talking head of a newscaster, the news having briefly replaced the hospital programme, blathered on. 

"Fucking hell!" Jenny cried suddenly. Turning to Avril, cigarette smouldering in the ashtray, her coffee forgotten. With the hangover relegated to a distant point in her consciousness, Jenny blurted, "A pen, Av ... Quick, I need a fucking pen. Oh my fucking God!" she cried, her fingers in her mouth. "I don't believe it."

"What? What is it?" Avril demanded, her face creased with shock at Jenny's outburst.

"Just give me a fucking pen, Av. Quick."

Avril, not understanding the reason for Jenny's urgent demand, but responding all the same, scurried to a drawer in the kitchen counter. She rummaged for a few moments before, with an exclamation of triumph, raised a pen into the air. "I've found one!"

"Give it to me, for fucks sake," Jenny said as she grabbed wildly at the pen.

She scribbled a series of numbers onto her forearm as they slid across the screen under the newscaster's jaw.

"What the hell's wrong, Jenny?" Avril asked when, after following her friend upstairs, she found Jenny in the bedroom she'd occupied the night before.

"Oh my, God ..." Jenny gasped after scrabbling in her purse.

"What? Will you tell me ... What on Earth's the matter?"

"I've won!" Jenny cried out, holding a piece of paper in the air. "The lottery, Avril. The big draw last night. I bought a ticket yesterday on the way here. Oh, Avril. I've won the fucking lottery!"