9 comments/ 328597 views/ 67 favorites Santa's Naughty Aunt By: christo I came home from a hard day's work to find an urgent message from my mom. I thought about "forgetting" to check my answering machine. I was beat. Too many 10 hour days, and with Christmas just around the corner I also had to deal with hordes of shoppers downtown and wondering what to get everyone myself. I like the holidays, but I wish I didn't need a vacation when they were done. I called my mom. "Honey, I need a big favor," she said. "Our church group is having Santa tonight for the kids, and we just had a disaster. Vince Peterson was going to play Santa, but he slipped coming down his steps and broke his ankle! I only have two hours before the kids come and I don't have a Santa. And, well, you WOULD fit in the outfit." I resented this a bit. OK, I've gained 10 pounds since I graduated, too much beer and eating out. But mostly I'm big, I'm six-three and about 235 and, well, about the exact same size as that asshole Vince Peterson, a neighbor of ours. He was one of these guys who fancied himself God's gift to women, always flirting and making a nuisance of himself. I could have argued with mom for an hour and still ended up playing Santa, so I just shut up and went over there. I figured I'd get something extra under the tree for it. I got to my folks place, accepted her repeated thanks, and got into the suit. It fit like a glove, I mean, it actually looked GOOD on me. Put the whiskers on and the hat and damn, I was Santa Claus. I'd never actually played Santa before, but as my Mom drove me to the fire hall I said I thought I'd figure it out. Ask the kiddies what they want, say Ho ho ho, act jolly. I guessed I'd pull it off. Mom dropped me off but said she couldn't stay, she wasn't assigned to chaperone this event. I got in there and there were several other mothers there, and they told me what to do. It went off without a hitch. The kids were happy, my mom was happy, the other adults there were happy. Just when the line was winding down I saw a familiar face come through the door, my Aunt Jess to be exact. My mother had encouraged her to join the church group, to get more involved in something constructive. Aunt Jess was a piece of work. The second wife of my mom's brother Don, Aunt Jess was a vivacious woman who loved to be the center of attention. And now, seeing her come into this crowded room, I could see everyone turn toward her like she was magnetic. She was a very attractive woman, her light brown hair cut short, and those blue eyes sparkled with a barely contained mischief. Her figure was full and round and deliciously curvy. But there was something about her, something overtly sexy, that I could never put my finger on. She was a shameless flirt, and at family gatherings I never got away with less than a big hug and a kiss on the lips as a goodbye. I always got the impression that she was thinking about sex as much as I was. From the first day I met her I had a big crush on her, and seeing her now was a bit distracting. The last kid sat on my lap and told me he wanted a Razor scooter. I ho ho hoed and got him off my aching thighs. I couldn't believe how much little kids weigh, they all must have put rocks in their pockets. Aunt Jess was standing next to me, talking to another of the ladies, and I heard her say that she was there as part of the cleanup committee. The room wasn't messed up at all, so I figured that would take just a few minutes. I sat and watched her, admiring her lush body, her lovely face. "That's what I want for Christmas," I sighed, as I watched her bend over to pick up a napkin and saw that nice broad ass in all its splendor. I was about to surprise her by showing her my face under the whiskers when she snuck away from everyone else and walked over to me. "Santa," she said in a breathy, sexy voice, "I'll be done cleaning in just a bit. Could you stay awhile? I'd like to get the chance to tell you what I want for Christmas." She walked away before I could answer her. It was obvious she didn't know who I was. Should I play along? Hey, wasn't I entitled to a little fun? I went to the men's room and hung out for 10 minutes. I peeked out and saw that all the lights were out. I went back into the hall, worried that I might be locked in. I was about to call out, "Aunt Jess?" when a voice came from behind. "So, there you are." She walked over, a look on her face that made me very nervous and very excited. Because she was obviously excited and turned on herself. "Why don't you sit down, and I'll tell you what I want for Christmas." I took a seat and Aunt Jess eased herself down into my lap. She wiggled her ass against my groin, getting herself comfortable. Her face was just before mine, and my God she was gorgeous. I put my arms around her to steady her on my lap. I was getting erect from her grinding against me, and this suit wasn't exactly good for hiding it. "Well, what I want..." she said, but I interrupted her. "Now wait little lady," I said in my deep Santa voice, "have you been naughty or nice?" Her laugh was deep and rollicking. "I think a girl can be naughty AND nice, don't you? You know when I've been sleeping, and you know when I'm awake. Do you think I've been a good girl this year?" She rotated her hips again and man, it felt fucking great. I had to stop this right now. But before I could tell her who I was she said. "Do you think I'm nice?" and she leaned forward and kissed me on the nose. I was shaking inside my suit. "You're a very good girl, very good," I boomed. She giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Good, then let me tell you what I want for Christmas. Ever since I was a little girl, I've loved going to see Santa. I always dreamed that if I was very nice to Santa, very very nice, I would get what I wanted." "What do you mean, very nice to Santa? You mean leave him cookies and milk?" "No, no, Santa gets plenty of cookies. But does he get enough of this?" She leaned forward and kissed me, this time on the mouth, her tongue parting my lips and gently sliding around my tongue. I was stunned and excited beyond belief. She pulled back and giggled. "Your beard tickles." She slid off my lap and I was relieved and disappointed at the same time. Those emotions changed when she started taking off her clothes. She took off her sweater, her turtleneck, her brassiere, her skirt, her panties. She left on her stockings and heels. Her breasts were incredible, huge and round and only slightly sagging under their tremendous weight. She crawled back into my lap and snuggled into my groin again. "When I was little I wanted to give Santa kisses to bring me toys. Now I just want to give Santa kisses." She leaned in and started kissing me again, deep soft kisses with our tongues gently swirling around each other. I lifted my gloved hands to her breasts and gently caressed them. She moaned softly as I kneaded her big breasts and caressed her ass with my other hand. I was so turned on that I wasn't even worried about this being my aunt. I just wanted her so bad that it didn't matter. She pulled away. "Santa, there is just one thing I want from you. I'd say that it's just one little thing, but I can feel it against me, and it isn't little." She slip off my lap and reached down to my groin. The pants had a fly in the front, and I was wearing boxers, and she was able to pull my iron-hard erection through the holes. "Oh, Santa!" she said when she saw the size of her gift. "Is that what you wanted, little girl?" I asked. "Oh yes," she said with her dark red lips spread in a wide smile. I couldn't believe what was happening, Aunt Jess knelt between my legs and touched the tip of her tongue to her upper lip. "Now I'm going to give you some very special kisses. I think you'll like them so much that you'll give me anything I ask for." She lifted my penis and pressed her pursed lips against the fat head. She kissed her way down my shaft to my balls, loud, lip-smacking kisses that left dark red prints over the shiny skin. I started to sweat like crazy in the heavy red suit. I couldn't believe it, my sexy Aunt Jess was down there, kissing my cock, and I waited anxiously to see if she would actually put my cock in her mouth... She did. Oh, God, she did. Her mouth opened wide and she wrapped her lips around my big purple helmet and I felt all that wonderful warm wetness close around me. She bobbed her head up and down half my length, and I felt the naughty whipcrack of her tongue around my glans. Her dark blue eyes gazed up at me, gauging my reaction to her oral expertise. When I finally emitted a deep, rumbling groan her dark eyebrows slowly rose and fell, taunting me. Her wonderful mouth released me long enough to say, "You like that, Santa baby?" "Ho, ho, ho!" I bellowed. "Santa likes this even better than milk and cookies!" "He does? Then how about this?" She put me back in her mouth and started deep-throating me, long deep plunges to the base of my cock. She wrapped her slim fingers around my slippery shaft and started pumping in time with her hoovering mouth, and I felt my cock begin to twitch. Aunt Jess was a cocksucker extraordinaire, and I was going to dump my load into her loving mouth in five seconds if she didn't stop. "Oh, you are a very good girl, very good!" I groaned. "Maybe you should get back on my lap and tell me what you want me to bring you!" She got the hint. She stopped her wonderful assault on my penis and crawled into my lap like a snuggling kitten. "Well, Santa," she said, pausing long enough to give me a deep kiss, "It turns out that what I want happens to be in your lap." She mounted me, my throbbing cock rubbing against the soft hair covering her pussy. She took me in her hands and carefully aimed the tip at her wet opening. She lowered her hips and I slowly, slowly, slipped inside her. "Ohhhhh yes!" she cried. "Santa, you're so big! You're better than I ever thought you'd be!" She put her hands on my red shoulders and levered herself up, and then down. I put my velvet-gloved hands on her hips and helped her glide along the full length of my big candy cane. It was heavenly, to feel myself buried deep in the vagina of my much-beloved Aunt. It felt so unbelievably good that I almost started groaning in my real voice. But I managed to keep in character. "Uhh, you are a very naughty girl, very naughty indeed." She loved it. "Yes Santa, I'm bad, I'm such a bad girl, I don't deserve anything under the tree this year!" I started fucking her faster. I leaned forward and sucked her nipple, my whiskers rubbing against her so that she started giggling. "My clit is rubbing against your suit, it's so soft! Oh, Santa, you're going to make me come!" "Is that what you wanted for Christmas, my dear? To have Santa give you a nice big orgasm?" "Yes! YES! OH FUCK, SANTA, YES! FUCK ME!!!" Aunt Jess shivered and shook as her climax coursed through her voluptuous body. My cock made loud squishy sounds as it pistoned in and out of her quaking crevice, and I put my hands on her quivering breasts and savored every blissful moment I spent inside her. I didn't have many moments left to savor. She was just so sexy, the whole situation a fantasy I never thought could come true, and my endurance came to an end. I moaned, "Oh, oh, HO HO HO!!! Oh you naughty girl! OHHHHHH!" I came inside my Aunt, shivering and shaking and pumping my semen deep inside her pussy. It was, without a doubt, the best sex of my life But, as we would down, as our breathing slowed, the enormity of what happened came over me. "Oh, shit," I thought. "What now?" Aunt Jess threw her head back and let out a long breath. "Oh god, Vince, Julie told me you were a good fuck, but this was beyond good. This was fucking unbelievable." Holy shit! She thought I was Vince Peterson! Julie was a neighbor of ours, a neighbor Jess was good friends with. Now what should I do? She leaned down and tenderly kissed me, and we wrapped our arms around each other and relaxed, exchanging deep, loving kisses. Finally she slid off me, and I tucked my soft penis back into my pants. Aunt Jess started dressing and said, "You should go first, in case anyone is out there they won't see us go out together. I'll just tell everyone I took longer to clean up that I expected." I mumbled "OK," in my Santa voice. She grinned. "I like that, staying in character. Thank you so much. I've always had this dirty fantasy of fucking Santa. Maybe you should keep the suit, we'll have some more fun!" She kissed me and said, "You were wonderful, so big and strong and...perfect. I shouldn't have resisted you for so long. I can't wait to be with you again." She kissed me again, then fished around in her purse and pulled out her cigarettes. She lit one and blew smoke at the ceiling. "Bye bye, Santa baby!" I got out of there, my body tingling all over, wondering when the shoe would drop. I didn't have to wait long. The next day I was over my mom's to return the suit and stayed to help decorate the tree. I heard a car door slam, and when I peeked out through the curtains I recognized the car. Aunt Jess's car. She knocked and let herself in, said hello to both of us. She looked worried, something was obviously bothering her. "Ah, Karen," Jess asked my mom, "I just talked to Vince Peterson, to thank him for last night. For playing Santa, I mean. And I talked to his wife, who said he has a broken ankle. So, if he didn't play Santa, who did?" I kept my face straight, putting tinsel on the tree. My mother laughed and turned to me. "What, you didn't even say hello to your Aunt? That wasn't very polite!" I looked at Aunt Jess, and she looked like a truck hit her broadside. "Timmy? That...that was you?" I nodded, knowing that I looked just like her, stricken. "I filled in at the last second. I didn't get a chance to say hello, I guess you were cleaning and I wanted to get home. That suit was hot." She swallowed, hard, and then lit a cigarette. "Well, Tim, you did a very nice job last night. Everyone said so." She didn't stay long, and when she left I told my mother I had to go too. I walked Aunt Jess to her can and she whirled on me. "You, you let me fuck you. You let me kneel down and suck on you cock, and you didn't say anything?" "I didn't really get the chance! I mean, I just thought I'd play a little joke on you and then surprise you. But when you kissed me, I...I lost control." I can't believe it. Do you know what fucking incest is? Do you know, do you know what you've done? How could you?!" I was blushed so hard my face burned. "I've always had a crush on you," I whispered. "I've...I've thought about you, like that. I always wanted to...you know...but I never meant to do it! I just...when you kissed me... She finished my thought. "I kissed you and you didn't care that I was your aunt? I guess I should be sort of flattered, except that...Jesus, if anyone finds out..." "No one will! No one knows! We'll just pretend that it never happened and..." "Pretend that it never happened! I fucked my nephew! And to make it worse," she said, stepping close to me so I could hear her whispering. "you were the best fuck I've ever had! EVER!" She eased back, took a long drag on her cigarette, and as she blew a cloud of smoke over my shoulder she looked at me with that coy, sexy glimmer in her blue eyes. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to deny myself the most incredible lover I've ever had." "Wait, what?" I goggled. "What do you mean?" "I mean that you come to my house tonight, after nine, when Don goes out to watch the football game, but this time don't bring the Santa suit. I think fucking you should be enough of a taboo without you being dressed as Santa Claus." "You, you want to keep doing this?" She dropped her cigarette on the street and stubbed it out "Honey, I know how to please a man. You mean to tell me that wasn't the best fuck of your life?" I gulped. "Yes, it was. It was incredible." "Then come over after nine, and we'll play some reindeer games." She left me standing in the driveway. I got in my car and actually made it home without wrecking. I stood in front on the small tree I had in my house and thought, merrily, "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." Santa's Naughty Aunts Ch. 01 "We should," I agreed. I don't know if I agreed because I enjoyed my Aunt's company or her breasts, but I don't think she was looking for my motivation. "Maybe after Christmas?" "Maybe before. You really didn't give me any hints about what to get you. But maybe I can figure that out for myself," she said, and she gave me a good-bye kiss on the cheek. We left the restaurant, and as she turned to walk down the avenue to her office she said, "When do you play Santa for your mother's church group?" "Um, this Friday." "I think I'll stop in. I'd love to see you playing St. Nick. Is that OK?" OK? Aunt Billie and Aunt Jess in the same room, and the latter expecting a ride on Santa's lap? "Sure, that would be great," I squeaked. I couldn't think of what else to say. "I'll see you then, honey." She walked down the street and I watched her walk. I cursed my Uncle Carl and my Uncle Don. Why couldn't they have stayed married to their first wives? Even though I remembered my first set of Aunts as mean, vindictive, shrewish creatures, they at least didn't cause ME much turmoil. Unlike these two. I had a bad feeling that Friday night was not going to be a sleigh ride in the park. ***** On that Thursday night I got home in such an evil mood about the whole Christmas season that Ebenezer Scrooge himself would have said, "Whoa, dude, chill out!" I'd done my first Santa gig of the year at a mall near my house, and the kids had been appalling. First of all, a baby pissed on me. Take it back-her parents set her on my lap KNOWING she was wet. Then all the other kids kept saying, "Ugh, Santa, did you pee your pants?" The smell wasn't too good either. And then some little brat tore into me because LAST year he told me he wanted a puppy, and I hadn't brought him a puppy, and HE WANTED TO KNOW IF I WAS LISTENING NOW, BECAUSE IF HE DIDN'T GET A PUPPY THIS YEAR HE WAS GOING TO BE REALLY, REALLY MAD!!! I got home, threw the soiled suit in the washer, and grabbed three beers out of the fridge. "Damn capitalism," I muttered. "Takes a holiday celebrating love and goodwill and turns it into a shopping marathon. Everyone's going to hell..." I popped the top off my first beer, turned on ESPN, and collapsed on the couch, utterly fried. I barely had two swigs down my gullet when the phone rang. I resisted the temptation to scream, "WHAT!?" into the receiver. "Hello?" I chirped like a crazy person. "I'm gonna suck your dick, Santa. I'm going to put your cock in my mouth until you promise to give me everything on my list. And then I'm going to sit on you like your own little ho, ho, ho." "That sounds very, very nice," I said in my booming Santa-voice. "Will there be cookies and milk too?" "You want cookies and milk?" Aunt Jess shrieked. "Santa always get cookies and milk!" I thundered back. "Well, this year Santa gets his dick sucked! Got a problem with that?" "Hmm..." I rumbled, "I guess I get enough milk and cookies at the other houses..." She laughed. "I bet you do." She lowered her voice, "Timmy, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow." "Are you sure, totally SURE, that we'll be alone?" "I'm positive, don't you worry. Everything will be fine." "Good. Um, there's something I need to tell you." "What?" This was the part I dreaded. "Well, Aunt Billie will be there tomorrow too." There was a pause. "Will she?" Aunt Jess said, her voice so chilly a skin of ice formed in my beer. "And how did she find out about it?" I told about my lunch date with Aunt Billie, excising all the talk about her breasts. Not that it mattered. "What did her tits look like?" Aunt Jess asked. "What?" "Her tits, I know you know that she had her tits done. How did they look?" "She's my Aunt, I didn't look at her breasts!" "Timmy, I'm your Aunt, and you've licked my pussy, come in my mouth, and fucked my brains out. So don't get dainty on me." I swallowed. "I don't know, I guess they looked OK." "Not freakish?" "No." "I'll bet you got all riled up looking at her titties, didn't you?" she said, and she didn't sound happy. I took the offensive. "I'll tell you this much-they weren't as nice as yours." It worked. "Really?" she cooed. It was a bit of a lie, but just a bit. Aunt Jess has big, round, heavy breasts, and if they sag just a bit, well, all that does is excite me even more. She has fucking fantabulous breasts. But Aunt Billie has PERFECT breasts, and even though I know that nature had less to do with it than modern plastic surgery, well, I'm not strong enough to object. I spoke in my Santa voice. "I hope tomorrow when Santa kisses your beautiful breasts you won't think his beard tickles too much." "I love the way your beard tickles my nipples," she said, her voice smoldering. "Tomorrow, Santa, I'm going to make you a very, very merry." After we hung up I got out of my suit, laid on my bed, and started jacking off, just for something to do. I was troubled by the fact that, as my fist flew and my fantasies flashed before my eyes, that I was thinking about Aunt Billie as much as Aunt Jess. I was troubled enough that I stopped my hand. It was normal for me to be respond to Aunt Billie, but I had to get this under control. I had problems enough with Aunt Jess, and I didn't want this year's family scandal to be how Timmy couldn't stop staring at Billie's breasts. Even though that scandal was nothing compared to what other secrets might get out. I threw the suit in the dryer, and when the buzzer sounded I got it out and tried it on, making double sure that it hadn't shrunk at all. It hadn't-it still looked as though the suit was tailor-made for me. Put on the beard and cap, and my own mother wouldn't know who it was behind the beard. As, indeed, my Aunt Jess had not known that it was her nephew she screwed that night two years before. "Ho ho ho!" I said to my reflection. I sighed, and looked to the heavens. "Just get me through tomorrow, Lord," I prayed. "I promise, I'll repent, and do no wrong. I just need a little more time." I felt apprehensive as I stripped off the red suit. Gonna be a rough night tomorrow. Santa's Naughty Aunts Ch. 03 In the candlelight I almost couldn't make her out. "Hi, Santa," she said. "I hope you aren't too mad at me." She stepped closer, and I could see that she was wearing a bright red teddy with a white fur fringe. Her blonde hair spilled out from under a bright red stocking cap just like the one I wore. She came closer, closer, until I could see her lips and nails were painted the same bright red color. She sat down, and I could just smell her rich, spicy perfume. My Aunt Billie put her hand on my leg and her nails stroked my thigh. "Are you mad at me, Santa?" Of course I played along. "Yes I am, my dear, a little bit. Don't you know that it's not polite to snoop?" She smiled and I could see her teeth. "Well, Santa, with all the noise you were making you can't really say I was snooping." Her incredible breasts filled the fur-lined cups of her teddy to overflowing. She looked so incredibly sexy I thought I might faint. "Well then, what do you want Santa to do? To, um, to..." "To keep all the elves at the North Pole from finding out what you did?" "Ah, yes." Aunt Billie smiled. "I already told you what I want, Santa." Her hand moved up to my groin, where my throbbing erection was embarrassingly obvious. "I want to thank you for all the wonderful gifts you've given me over the years. And I think you'll enjoy how I plan on thanking you." She was rubbing the head of my cock through the woolen trousers. I put my gloved hand on her shoulder and caressed her smooth skin. "You've always been a good little girl, that's why you got such nice presents." "Well, I plan on being naughty in the future, so let's just say I want to build up some credit." She stood up and beckoned me to do the same. "I'm sure it's very hot wearing that suit, Santa. Why don't you take it off?" Aunt Billie walked to the foot of the bed and sat down. "Take it all off." I reluctantly obeyed, stripping off my jacket, shirt, boots, pants, and underwear. "Leave the cap on," Aunt Billie said. "I like the cap." I also, of course, kept the beard on. When I was naked, my pole pointing north, Aunt Billie came up to me and put her arms around my neck. She pulled me down and kissed me on the mouth, her tongue teasing my lips before gently probing my mouth. I nearly fainted, but she leaned her body into mine, her breasts bumping into my chest, my cock rubbing against the satiny material of her teddy, and that gave me the strength I needed. She leaned back and smile. "She was right, the beard does tickle. But it's so soft it feels good." Then she reached down between my legs and fondled my erection. "That feels good too, but it isn't soft." "No, it's not," I groaned. Aunt Billie gently tugged at my shaft while the fingers of her other hand slid lower, to caress my testicles. "You're so big and strong, Santa. I always thought you were supposed to be fat." "It's the suit," I gasped. "It puts thirty pounds on you." She laughed. Her hands left my groin and roamed all over my body. She took delight in how I squirmed with delight as her fingernails played with my ribs, my abdomen, my biceps, my buttocks. "You like that, don't you Santa?" she teased. "You like feeling my nails tickling you." "Yes," I groaned. She moved behind me, until all I could see were her fingers, tipped with those glittering red nails, caressing my stomach and thighs. At first she didn't touch my cock, she just kept touching me all over, and I felt her lips plant soft kisses on my back and shoulders. I was thrusting into the air, my cock hard as stone, desperate for her soft touch, but when she finally did wrap her fingers around my shaft the sensation was so exquisite I let out a long moan. "The cookies and milk were nice, but this is even, uhh, even better!" She started jacking me off, her soft blonde hair on my back. "Why don't you lie down, Santa? You're going to be working so hard on Christmas Day. Let me some of the work tonight." I obeyed her wishes, and when I lay down Aunt Billie went to the dresser and pulled out a small bottle and a towel. My cock twitched as she crawled between my open legs. "You like feeling me touch you, Santa?" she cooed. "Yes, Santa liked that very much!" I boomed as I watched her pour a clear, viscous liquid into her palm. "Then tell me how much you like this." She had a playful, naughty smile on her sexy face as she wrapped her lubricated fingers around my cock and oiled me. She covered me from tip to balls with lube and then she used one hand to pump me and the other to tickle my cockhead with her long red nails. "Uhhh!" I groaned, my hips thrusting like mad. "Uhhh...ohhhh...OHHHH!" She giggled, her big tits jiggling in time with her quick stroking. "I think Santa likes this." "Ohhhh, Santa likes this very much!" "Really?" she said as if amazed. "REALLY!" I was going to explode. I looked between my legs to see my sexy Aunt Billie giving me a sloppy handjob, her huge breasts mere inches from spilling out of her teddy, and I started to sigh and groan like a sick calf. "Oh, oh, oh, you are a very good girl, you're going to get lots of presents this year!" "Am I?" she giggled. "Do you know what I got for Christmas last year?" "Of course I do! I'm Santa, I know what everyone gets!" "So what did I get last year?" I was going to pop in about ten seconds. "You got those beautiful, firm, round, eye-popping breasts that are turning Santa on so much he's going to come right now!" "Oh, Santa, are you sure you want to come?" she said. She hadn't stopped jacking me off, so whether I wanted to come or not seemed a moot point. "Yes, I want to come!" "You want me to keep stroking you until you come?" "Yes!" "You want me to keep playing with you with my long, sharp fingernails?" "YES!" "OK," she sighed, "I'll make you come, but I thought, well, maybe you'd like to come by...putting your cock between my tits." That was maybe the only combination of words in the English language that could've gotten through to me. "What?!" "Don't you want me to stuff your cock in my cleavage, and then have you fuck my tits until you come all over me? Don't you want me to do that?" They say there are no stupid questions, but if that isn't one I don't know what question IS stupid. "Yes, please, PLEASE!" Aunt Billie laughed and sat up. She crawled to the foot of the bed and said, "Toss me the pillows, and sit here on the edge." I obeyed, and after Billie stacked them at my feet she slipped the thin straps off her shoulder and shimmeyed out of the teddy. Her body was absolutely magnificent. Her breasts were huge, but they didn't stick out light she had light bulbs under the skin. They still sat heavily on her chest, giving them a delightful bounce when she knelt between my legs and seized my cock. She poured more lubricant on my cock, and into her cleavage, and then she took my hands on put them on her incredible tits. "Rub them, Santa baby. Make it all nice and wet and slippery in there." I put my hands on those incredible orbs slowly rotated them against each other, the lubricant making quiet squishy sounds as I caressed and fondled her boobs. I nearly blew my load just touching them. And then Aunt Billie said, "Aren't they nice, Santa?" "Yes, they're very, very nice." "Put your cock between them, Santa. Go ahead. Put it in there..." I stuffed my sausage in her cleavage and she put her hands on her tits and encased my cock in her bosom. She started moving her shoulders up and down, back and forth, and my cock was caught in a soft, cushy vortex. I started humping with my hips because if I didn't start thrusting I would go insane. "That's it, Santa, fuck my tits," Aunt Billie said, her eyes locked on mine. Her fingernails formed a mesh over her cleavage, trapping my penis between them, and as I pumped and she jiggled I about went insane with pleasure. "Don't those tits feel GOOD around your big cock, Santa? Doesn't it feel good sliding your dick in and out of my cleavage?" I put my hand on her shoulder for extra leverage and stabbed her over and over with my cock. "Isn't that what you wanted to do the second you saw me? Did you want to fuck my boobs, put your dick in there and fuck them, in and out, have me rub my tits all over your dick..." "ARRRRGGHHH," I roared as the tip of my penis split and a fountain of semen sprayed forth. My cockhead was caught in the depth of her bottomless cleavage and suddenly white cream spurted from between her tits like some kind of pastry. My hot spunk made it even more slick in there and I kept thrusting and moaning for nearly a minute, until she at last eased her breasts apart and showed me the thick soup made of lube, sweat, and come that our exertions had created. "Oh, ho, ho, ho," I groaned. "Did you like that, Santa?" Aunt Billie giggled. She was grinning from ear to ear. "Wasn't that the best thing you've ever done with a woman?" "Uh-huh." I was nearly catatonic. "Better than anything you did with that ugly old elf I saw you with?" I roused a bit. "Now, that's not very nice. You should call other people names." Her bottom lip curled in a contrite pout. "You're right, Santa. I'm sorry." I flopped back on the bed. "That's a good little girl." "I'll be right back, Santa." Aunt Billie walked to the bathroom and I heard water running, no doubt she was washing off the effluvia I'd left all over her.. My breathing was almost back to normal when she returned carrying a damp towel. I watched her magnificent breasts sway back and forth with every step, back and forth, and when she sat back on the bed they gave a sprightly little bounce. By the time she started dabbing away at my sodden groin I was already half-erect. I reached down and fondled her breasts, and my penis leapt back into life. "Mmm, Santa, you've got some nerve calling ME naughty." She stroked my cock until I was hard as bone, and I satisfied my need to touch and caress her breasts. We were lying next to each other, my hands on her boobs, her hands in my groin, both of us getting hotter and hotter. Aunt Billie's nipples grew to tight, rosy tips under my fingers, and my dick began to trouble me with its incessant throbbing. I wanted to fuck. The fact that the woman I wanted to fuck was my aunt, an aunt who was blackmailing me, worried me not in the least. That could come later. I let my hand drift, drift down her body, pausing a moment to play with her belly button, before I introduced them to her pussy. She was very wet, very excited, and as my fingers sought out her clitoris Aunt Billie closed her eyes and a dreamy smile came over her face. "Ooh, Santa," she sighed as I started diddling her clit. Her hips began undulating as I played with her, and her stroking of my penis became a bit sporadic. "Do you know what Santa likes to eat more than milk and cookies?" I boomed. "What's that?" she murmured. I put my lips next to her ear, my beard tickling her shoulder. "Pussy," I whispered. Her smile grew as she spread her legs wide and gave me room to crawl down to the foot of the bed. "I think you'll find that my beard is good for more than keeping my chin warm," I chuckled merrily. I gently nestled my face in her groin and let my soft beard rub against her mound. She lifted her legs and grabbed her ankles, spreading herself as wide as possible. "I'm a naughty little girl, Santa. I've seen what you do to naughty girls." I extended my tongue and gave her a long lick from her opening up to her clitoris. Then I did it again, and again, savoring that thrilling taste a man enjoys when he's succeeded in exciting his partner. As I surrounded her clitoris with my lips and started gently sucking I tried to forget that my partner was my aunt, and that what I was doing was a near-abomination. It wasn't easy to forget that, but when I looked up and saw Aunt Billie, mouth open, tongue gently running along her upper lip, her huge breasts like two fluffy mounds of meringue, a temporary amnesia seized hold of me. I had to have her, the lizard part of my brain took control and I heard a chorus chanting, "Fuck her, fuck her, fuck her!" "Santa, baby, your beard feels so good on my thighs," Aunt Billie moaned. She released her ankles and cupped her breasts in her hands, strumming her nipples with her thumbnails. I raised my chin and tickled her clit with my beard and Aunt Billie laughed. "I like your beard, Santa-but I love your tongue." I had to pick a few white hairs from her pussy before I resumed giving her pleasure with my tongue. When I did, when I again had her clitoris trapped inside my mouth and my tongue moved in tightening circles around that so-sensitive spot, it didn't take Aunt Billie long to climax. "Oh Santa," she said, her voice a hoarse whisper, "I think I know what you do on those long winter nights at the North Pole. You eat Mrs. Claus' pussy. Don't you, don't you, Santa?" She was nearly shouting now. "Come on, Santa, eat me like I was the missus. Do me with your tongue like you did your fat, ugly aunt!" Her body shuddered from head to toe and she started shrieking. "Oh, oh, ohhh, Santa...yes, right there, with your tongue, that's what I want for Christmas, your tongue in my pussy! Give it to me, Santa, give it to me right now!!" Her orgasm was so intense that her hips floated off the bed and I lifted her high and burrowed my face deep in her pussy. For a second, just a second, I saw her teeth come together and her tongue pushing against them, ready to scream out, "Timmy!", but somehow she caught herself and just let out a long, drawn out, "Uhhhhh!!!" Her eyes were squeezed shut, a huge smile on her face, and when she finally stopped thrashing about I still had my hands cupped under her buttocks, holding her mound to my lips. Her eyes opened, she looked down at me, at the bearded man hunched between her legs. "I'm going to say something I've always wanted to say," she said, and she made me wait a few seconds. She winked at me. "Fuck me, Santa Claus." I let her ass bounce on the mattress as I crawled on all fours and mounted her. "Come on, Santa, stick your dick in me!" she teased me. She reached between my legs, grabbed my erection, and aimed it at her hole. "Come on, I want to feel that big candy cane between my...ahhh!" "OHHH!" I moaned as I slipped inside her vagina. This was madness, the best possible kind. I was having sex with my sexy, slutty aunt, and it was ecstasy on such a scale that Hell itself held no terror. To feel the slick walls of her pussy caress my shaft, to feel the tight inner lips of her vagina part as the bulbous head of my penis pushed inside her...it was madness. Aunt Billie wrapped her legs around my waist and forced me to a faster pace than I wanted. I wanted this to go on and on, I wanted to be patient so I would not blow my load before I fully enjoyed this incredible woman. But she wanted me hard and fast, and once I settled into her rhythm I couldn't slow down. "Come, Santa, come in me," Aunt Billie panted. "You have to fly all over the world in one night, you can't waste all night screwing me." "I...uh...I wouldn't call this wasting time, my dear." She gripped my biceps with her fingers and really spurred me on with her long legs. "Remember, Santa can get a lot of work done in one night." "Oh, he has already!" Aunt Billie said. She bit her lower lip as our thrashing bodies made the bed groan and creak. "And now Santa is going to come in me. Aren't you, Santa? You're gonna come in me, you're cock is going to fucking SOAK my insides." "Santa is going to come very soon," I groaned. Aunt Billie laughed. "I've heard about Santa coming to your town, but Santa coming in your pussy?" I didn't think it was that funny, because I was about indeed about to come and I didn't want to. I wanted to fuck my aunt all night long, and that wasn't going to happen. "Come in me, Santa!" Aunt Billie said, her eyes taunting me. "I know you want to, even with the beard I can see it on your face." I leaned all my weight on her and started pounding her, pounding her, slamming my pelvis into her with more and more violence, until it seemed my piledriver thrusting would snap the spine of the bed. Aunt Billie's tits bounced crazily as I fucked her with every ounce of strength I had left, and seeing those luscious juggs jiggling all over the place broke my will. "Santa!" she moaned, "Santa, fuck me!" "Uh...uh...UHHHHH!" A voice inside me screamed, "Faster, faster, faster!" Somehow I found the energy to keep going for five more seconds, and that's all it took for me for come. "HO...HO...HO!" I bellowed as my cock detonated in her wet cavity. "Ohh...hohoho...hohoho...ho...ho...ho." I poured so much some into her pussy it leaked out all over the sheets. I buried my face in the pillow over her shoulder. Both of us were breathing as fast as hummingbirds. Aunt Billie unlocked her legs and freed my hips, and I rolled off and lay next to her. She snuggled against me, resting her head on my shoulder, her fingers fondling my beard. "That was one of the best fucks I've ever had in my life," Aunt Billie said, and then slowly, very slowly, she pulled the beard off of my face. She tossed it on the floor with the rest of my suit and kissed me on my bare cheek. "That's was incredible...Timmy." "Yes, it was," I agreed. I was either going to cry or throw up. She was looking up at me and I couldn't meet her gaze. "That was very special," she said. "Yes." "Do you know what made it so special?" "No," I said. "Yes, you do." What did she want me to say? "Because it was incest?" I said savagely. She gently stroked my cheek. "Maybe, in part." "Then what else?" "Because we like each other," she said, "because we both like making each other feel good. And...because we're never going to do this again." "What?" I said, both relieved and dismayed. "I thought..." "You thought I wanted to keep you as my boy toy like Jess does? Tempting as that might be, no, I don't think that would be a good idea." She turned my face to meet her eyes. "It would kill your mother if she found out what you and Jess were doing." "What about you and me?" She smiled. "I won't tell if you won't. And since this will be the only time, I don't think she'll find out. And she'll never find out about you and Jess if you stop sleeping with her. And you're not going to sleep with her anymore." "I'm not?" I said. "If you rat me out, I'll tell my mom about this little episode, and you'll be in the same boat as me and Aunt Jess." She smiled. "Timmy, of course I'm not going to tell on you. But Jess doesn't know that. And if you tell her that I made that threat, she'll have to end the affair." "And what makes you think I want to do that?" I barked. She took my face in her hands. "Because what you're doing is wrong, and you know it. You like having sex, and Jess is very sexy. So am I, I think. But we're your aunts, and we shouldn't be fucking you. It's too risky. And you should be dating girls your own age. You should be getting married, not screwing old ladies like Jess and me." She patted my cheek. "I think you know I'm right." The strange thing is, I DID think she was right. I finally saw a way out of the dangerous web me and my aunts had weaved. I could stop worrying, stop waiting for that day when I came home, found my mother crying hysterically, shrieking "How could you, how could you!" before she and my uncles stoned me to death. "All right," I said. "I'll end it." "Well," Aunt Billie said, "it is Christmas. Why don't you let Aunt Jess enjoy herself one last time? I think I'd feel guilty if I denied her one last ride with Santa." I stared at the ceiling. "Is fucking Santa a common fantasy among women?" I asked. "You, Aunt Jess..." "Well, I don't think it's common," she said. "It's fun, sure, going to bed with Kris Kringle. It was a lot of fun. But I really wasn't that much into having sex with Santa." Santa's Naughty Aunts Ch. 03 That confused me a bit. "Then why did you, did we..." She laughed and kissed my nipple. "Because I'm a dirty slut, and I wanted to fuck the brains out of my sexy nephew." I laughed too. "You aren't a slut." "Oh, honey, you have no idea." I squeezed her breast again, she started fondling my penis, but before things got out of control she said, "No no no. Time for you to go." "Please? Pretty please?" "Nope," she said, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. She stood and walked to the mirror and fluffed her hair. "You go home now, and tomorrow give Aunt Jess a present from me." "Should I tell her that it was you who sent the note?" She shrugged, her huge breasts lifting and falling. "Sure, but make her figure it out for herself. I like the idea of her being afraid of me." "You shouldn't call her fat and old," I said. "That's not nice." "OK, Santa," she said. "I'm sorry." I got dressed, put on my beard, and accepted one last kiss from my Aunt Billie. "Um, honey," she said, barely able to contain a laugh. "You'd better wash the beard tonight." I sighed. "My water bill is going be through the roof this year." She hugged me, let me out of the door, and I made my escape. Santa's Naughty Aunts Ch. 04 "Why are you surprised?" "Well, after all that happened, um, with me, I thought..." "That was AGES ago," Aunt Jess said. "She's my best friend in the whole wide world! We hired the same lawyer, we might even take a condo together, two swinging single females jumping back into the dating scene...maybe you can take us out, show us all the hot spots." "That might be a bit...dangerous." "Until after the divorce is final, I think I see your point." There was a pause. "Honey, you won't tell on us, will you? Don and Carl are your direct relations, Billie and I are just the fools who married them. I hope you won't..." "Tell the truth about you and me and Aunt Billie?" Another pause. "Yes." "I absolutely adore you and Aunt Billie, and I'll never do anything to hurt either of you. Plus there's the little fact that spilling the beans about us would pretty much destroy my life, so, yes, you're secret is safe with me. Short of torture, my lips are sealed." "And what soft, kissable lips they are," she purred. "Indeed," I said. " I think we probably don't want to start down that road." "Oh, I'm sure you'd like to, but you know better, don't you, sexy?" I finally managed to get off the phone without banging my head on the counter. I called Aunt Billie, received her thanks for my concern, and heard much the same story that Aunt Jess had told. She said, "I guess we're not going to be your aunts anymore." "Nope," I said. "That means we could have all sorts of fun together and it would be totally OK." "I think if anyone found out we were sleeping together it would never, ever, be OK." "I guess not," she sighed. "I love you," I said, "and I love Aunt Jess, and if there's anything I can do for you, just ask." "Come over here and fuck me." "Except that." When I hung up the phone my beer was warm from waiting in my hand too long. I poured it down the sink, opened my cupboard, and pulled out a dusty bottle of Jack Daniels. Tonight's news definitely called for whiskey, not beer. I drank nearly a whole highball before I fell sound asleep on the couch. ***** Why do people get married? For love, sure. The merger of financial assets, yeah. To escape loneliness, perhaps. All of these reasons are perfectly reasonable. Getting married out of spite isn't. I think that's what Uncle Don and Uncle Carl did. Less than six months after getting caught in flagrante delicto, and getting reamed in the divorce settlement, both my uncles got remarried. Uncle Don married his secretary. Uncle Carl married Uncle Don's secretary's friend. I don't know how they figured out who got which girl, and I don't want to know, thank you very much. The weddings were two weeks apart, enough time for Don and Traci to get back to from their honeymoon. I had too much fun at both weddings, there were lots of very pretty girls getting very drunk who were a bit jealous that their friend had just played Princess for a Day. I got some phone numbers, and, unfortunately, found out pretty soon that these were not the sort of girls I wanted to date. Too many nights bar-hopping and slugging down tequila shooters until 2AM. I mean, I have a job, dammit. I thought about Uncle Carl and Uncle Don keeping up with party girls half their age, and I wondered how long until I went to their funerals. But what the hell did I know? They seemed happy. So did my sexy, seductive aunts. In the end, they didn't move in together, but they did spend a lot of time together, and neither seemed to be lacking in male companionship. It seemed like every time I saw Aunt Billie downtown she was walking to lunch with yet another handsome, sharply-dressed young man. When I would call Aunt Jess and tentatively ask if maybe she wanted to join me for dinner, nearly every time she couldn't because she had a date. And since her dates always had names like Austin and Tyler and Dylan, I assumed she was dating guys a bit closer to my age than my father's. So everyone was happy, everyone had what they wanted, everyone was getting laid. A happy ending. Well, except for me. ***** You never get a sense for how fast the year is passing until the middle of November. Then, whoosh! You get the first hit on Thanksgiving, and then the mad rush to Christmas, and before you know it you're chug-a-lugging champagne New Year's Eve. The days just flash by. In the middle of November I drove to my mother's house with a big cardboard box in the backseat. Inside was the Santa suit. "Not this year, no," I told her. "I've been the dutiful son, but I'm done." "But honey!" she pleaded. "No." My heart was flint, my answer final. My Santa days were over. Until...the day before my mother's church group had their evening with Santa. And then she was on the phone, begging at first, and then demanding. What I should have done was bulked up like 30 pounds so the damn suit wouldn't fit anymore. But I hadn't thought that far ahead. There was nothing to do but bite the bullet. I would play Santa one last time, but that would be IT. It was the worst night of my Santa career. There were three times as many kids as the previous years. "St. Anne's hall is undergoing renovations, so we have kids from their parish too," Mom said, wincing as she saw the look on my face. "There'd better be a Lexus under my tree this year," I told Mom. I walked through the hall, which was already half-filled with parents and kiddies waiting for Santa. I noticed a pretty young woman in a tan turtleneck sweater dandling a baby on her knee, she smiled at me and it eased my panicky heart. But then I turned the corner and there was Aunt Jess, looking hot and sexy as ever. And standing behind HER was Aunt Billie, absolutely radiant. I still called them "Aunt", at my mother's insistence. It also helped keep me focused on the fact that these gorgeous women were still totally out-of-bounds. "You are an angel," Aunt Jess said, kissing my cheek. "A saint," Aunt Billie said, kissing my other cheek. "Bah, humbug!" I snarled. They let me get dressed in private, but when I was ready they both stood in the doorway, blocking me in. "Are you as turned on as I am?" Aunt Jess said. "Oh, yeah," Aunt Billie replied. "Maybe we could both give Santa a little present afterwards." "Maybe," Aunt Jess agreed. "You've gotta be kidding," I told them, hoping inside that they weren't kidding. "We'll see, honey," Aunt Billie said. "Go do your thing." My thing. I entered with a jolly, "Merrrrry Christmas!" and the kids went nuts. I mean, a wave of children surged toward me, and I was swamped by clutching, grabbing hands. And as I am very tall, and the kids are very small, those tiny hands and fists all seemed to be directed at my crotch. "Ow! I, oof!" I grunted as my groin was pummeled. I tried to turn my hips to wade through the throng but all that did was expose myself to a new group of thrashing tykes. When I finally got to my chair there were tears in my eyes. Before coming in the hall all the kids had gotten together and filled their pockets with rocks. They must have, because they fucking weighed more than ever. I had six-year-olds big enough to play junior-high football. I was in bad pain before I got halfway through the line. Add to that all the babies who, upon seeing a huge bearded man bellowing "HOHOHO", inevitably start screaming in terror, and you can understand why I was looking forward to a big glass of water and four Advil at night's end. And then I saw him. The big, heavy kid who had nearly ruptured me the year before. "Wait," I stuttered. "He's too old, too old for Santa!" I guess he was seven now, with three chins and suet dripping off his chubby arms. I mean, if this kid wanted to dress up as Jabba the Hutt for Halloween the only costume he'd need would be a T-shirt that had "I am Jabba the Hutt" written across it. His parents were glutinous themselves, and as they approached they each took one of his hands and lifted him a few inches off the ground. They swung him, back and forth, back and forth, and then with a tremendous effort they hoisted him into the air. "No!" I squealed, but it was too late. They released him at the apex of the swing and the pudgebucket landed in my lap with all the finesse of a car pushed off the roof of a building. And, it seemed to my tender parts, all of the weight. "Squeal!" I squealed as I was crushed like a grape. "I wanna Game Boy, and Spiderman action figures, and..." the greedy brat spouted, totally oblivious to the fact that I was writhing in pain. When he finished with his endless list he flopped off my lap and landed on my foot, and I swear I heard the cracking of my metatarsals. I gasped for breath, tried not to vomit into my beard, tried not to burst into tears. And then I heard a gentle voice say, "Santa, are you OK?" I looked up, and it was the pretty young woman I'd seen on the way in. Her light brown hair fell just short of her shoulders, and she had the kindest blue eyes in the world. She smiled at me and the world came back into focus. I said, "The first thing they teach you at Santa school is never show fear." She laughed. "The second one is probably wear body armor." "I don't know, I dropped out after the first class." We all laughed, and that included the baby in the woman's arms. She gurgled happily and reached out to me. "My, my, a baby who isn't terrified of Santa!" I said. "This is Lauren," the woman said, handing me her baby. "This is her first visit to Santa. She was too little last year." "And what does Lauren want for Christmas? Diamonds? Furs? You look like the kind of baby who's into luxury goods." "I think a teddy bear would be good enough," the woman said. "Can I take a picture?" "Oh, sure." I held the baby as I'd held hundreds of babies over the years, but this one actually seemed to LIKE me. No screaming, no spitting up. She even laughed. I was totally charmed. "Thank you, Santa," the woman said, and I handed Lauren back to her. We stood there looking at each other for a few seconds, it was like she wanted to say something. I wanted to say something too, like "I think you're the most beautiful woman I've seen in my entire life," but I've learned that getting involved with married women is bad news. So she thanked me, and I hohohoed, and I wistfully watched her and her daughter walk away. The assembly line cranked on, and a half-hour later it was over. I looked over the hall and saw my Aunt Billie talking to my mother, the two of them filling a trash can with napkins and paper plates. And then look looked left and saw Aunt Jess talking to a girl wearing a tan turtleneck sweater. I nearly jumped out of my chair. She was still here! Aunt Jess was smiling at the baby, they were laughing, and then I watched my aunt and the young woman walk over to where my mom and Aunt Billie stood. They all started talking, about what I didn't know, but what I wanted desperately to find out. I rushed to the anteroom and started shedding my suit. I didn't bother boxing it up, I wanted to change fast and see what was going on. But before I was done Mom came in. "I'm going home, honey. Your aunts said they were going to take you out to dinner for being so helpful." Right, dinner. "Hey, I saw you talking to a girl out there, she had a baby, what were you talking about?" "Oh, I don't know, I just said hello and came to see you. And now that I've seen you," she said, and hugged me, "I'll say goodnight. And, thank you very, very much." "You owe me. Bigtime." "Christmas is coming," she sang, and she left. To be replaced five seconds later by Aunt Jess and Aunt Billie. "Hi Santa baby," they said in unison. Before I could speak Aunt Jess said, "The hall is almost cleared out. Why don't you wait here for about fifteen minutes..." "And we'll have a big surprise waiting for you..." Aunt Billie finished. "No, wait, I just want to go home!" But they were gone. I had to say no to them, I had to resist them. But the chisel in my pants told me that I wouldn't be able to. I sighed, somewhat disgusted with myself. I was a bit surprised that my ex-aunts hadn't told me to get back into costume. Maybe they forgot. I waited fifteen minutes, and then I went out to meet my fate. I carried the box with the Santa suit under my arm, just in case I had to do a quick-change. The hall was dark and quiet, as it had the times Aunt Jess and I did our dirty business. "Hello?" I sighed. A quiet voice said, "Hi." I whirled and sitting by the door was the pretty girl with the baby. I was flabbergasted. "Hi." I didn't know what to say. What the hell was she doing here? Where were my aunts? It didn't look like she knew what to say either. She stood up and the baby saved us both. Lauren saw me and squealed with delight. "Yes, it's me, Santa, in disguise!" I said, and her mother laughed. "I was talking to your mother, and your aunts," she said. "Well, they were talking to me." "I bet they were. What about?" "I said how good you were with Lauren, and your aunt pretty much dragged me over to meet your mother. They all said some very nice things about you." "Some of them even true." I was confused and thrilled at the same time. She was so pretty, my heart was going a mile a minute, but what could come of it? "I saw you when you came in, and..." "I saw you too," I said quietly. "Yes, you did." We were flirting with each other, and my confusion grew. Unless..."Lauren's daddy couldn't come with you tonight?" I asked. She smiled and seemed relieved that I'd brought the subject up. "No. Lauren's daddy really isn't in the picture." She blushed, embarrassed that she put it that bluntly. "Oh. I'm sorry." "Don't be. I'm not." We moved closer to each other, just a bit. "Well, then I feel a lot better about asking you out on a date." Her blue eyes hypnotized me. "I'd like that." "Oh," I said, remembering an important point of etiquette. "I'm Tim." She took my extended hand and the world tilted and whirled around me. "I'm Holly." "Well, that's Santa's favorite name!" I rumbled in my St. Nick voice. Lauren perked up and giggled, and I shook her tiny hand. "You, I've already met." I walked her to her car, which was the only on left in the lot besides mine. "Did my aunts tell you to wait for me?" "They did," she said with a guilty smile. "I guess I mentioned that I thought you were cute, and I wanted to talk to you without all those people around." My scheming aunts, teasing me with the specter of seduction so they could play matchmaker. "I should warn you, those two are trouble." "They seemed very nice to me." "Don't believe it for a second." I felt the butterflies pick up the pace in my belly. "Are you doing anything tomorrow night? Maybe go to dinner, heckle the Santa at the mall?" She finished buckling Lauren into her car seat and turned around and suddenly we were standing right next to each other. "Call me, I think my parents can watch Lauren." "Bring her along, we get along pretty good." She smiled. "I don't think so." "Probably a bad idea." I got her phone number, she took mine, and I held the door open as she got into the car. I watched her taillights vanish into the distance and felt like I could fly home. But I didn't want to leave my car behind, so I drove. At home I found two messages waiting for me, one from Aunt Jess, one from Aunt Billie, both desperate for news about Holly. I erased both messages and took the phone off the hook. Let me drive them crazy for a change. I popped open a beer, put on some carols, and wallowed in my Christmas cheer. ***** I should have apologized to my Uncle Carl and Uncle Don for the seating arrangements at my wedding, but I never got around to it. I invited my uncles and their new wives, of course, but I also invited Aunt Jess and Aunt Billie. I knew the potential for fireworks was high having them all in the same room, so I put my aunts at table 3 and my uncles at table 15, figuring that would keep them far apart. No such luck. Somehow their tables abutted each other, and from my place of honor up on the dais I could see myriad aunts and uncles staring daggers at each other. "When the fighting starts, you don't get involved," my wife said. "That's what your groomsmen are for." It didn't come down to that, thankfully. Once dinner was served the warring factions adjourned to different corners of the ballroom. I couldn't be bothered with such petty familial in-fighting. I just wanted to have some fun, get the hell out of there, and spend the week alone with my wife. Lauren was playing with my niece and nephew, everyone was drinking and having fun, and once the party reached a certain critical mass, I'd told my wife, "We're outta there." "Deal," she said. But of course it didn't turn out that way, we had too much fun to walk out. I watched as my two sexy aunts took turns dancing with my tuxedoed friends, obviously enjoying the attention of so many handsome young men. But during one slow song there was a tap on my shoulder and it was Aunt Jess. "I think I get one dance," she said, and Holly sighed and said, "Be careful, he has two left feet." "I do not," I said, indignant. "I dance divinely." I took Aunt Jess in my arms and she said, "Aren't you going to thank me?" "For what?" "For introducing you to Holly." "I think Holly deserves most of the credit, but I guess you deserve an assist. Thank you." She kissed my cheek. "You're welcome." We danced a bit more and she said. "You never told her about us, did you?" "Hell no, of course not!" Aunt Jess laughed. "Keeping secrets from your wife, not a good sign." I let it slide. Then she said, "You're friend Peter, he's a nice guy?" "Yeah..." "Does he have a girlfriend?" This sounded ominous. "No...why?" "Because I'm going to seduce him and fuck him tonight, and I want to make sure he's worth the trouble." She kissed me and left me sputtering. Before I could pursue her Aunt Billie stepped into my arms. "You still haven't thanked me for introducing you to Holly." "Um, well...thank you. " No use splitting hairs again. "You didn't tell Holly that you and I slept together, right?" "Funny, she never asked me if I've ever committed incest with my aunts," I whispered. She laughed. "Hey, you never know what husbands tell their wives. I just wanted to make sure." I spun her left and she looked over my shoulder. "Your friend David is a very good dancer. I can't believe such a good-looking guy doesn't have a girlfriend." Uh-oh. "He did, but they split up awhile ago." "Oh, that's too bad." We danced a few seconds more before she said, "I should tell you, I'm going to be spending the night with David tonight." "Why would you want to tell me that?" I whined. "Because I'm going to fuck one of your friends, and I'm sure he'll tell you, and I don't want to be shocked when you find out." "I'm shocked now!" "But it's me telling you, honey." She kissed my cheek. "Go find your wife." I found Holly and never left her side the rest of the night. I tried to ignore my aunts slow-dancing all night with their selected victims, but it was hard. At the end of the night, when Holly and I said our good-byes, I had two brief conversations with Pete and Dave. "Your Aunt Jess is nice," Pete said. "She's pretty hot, too." "Your Aunt Billie is hot," Dave said. "She's pretty nice, too." Guys, you have no idea, I thought. But you will, you will. "Have a good night, guys," I told my friends, hugged my parents, and we got the hell out of there. In the elevator Holly said, "Finally, we can consummate this marriage." My brows rose. "Now, that sounds nice." "I just want to get out of this dress and get naked!" "That sounds even nicer." "I just hate wearing something this heavy. I can understand why wearing that Santa costume used to bug you so much." Santa's Naughty Aunts Ch. 04 "Yeah," I said. We kissed, passionately. "I want you to make love to me," my wife said. "We will," I promised, and we kissed again. "Can I ask you a question?" "No. We're married now. No more questions." "Smartass. No, did seeing me in the Santa suit...did that ever turn you on?" "What? You mean, like did I ever fantasize about Santa Claus?" "Yeah. You know, sitting in his lap, doing something fun to make sure he brought you everything you wanted..." She laughed. "You kinky little boy. I hate to disappoint you, but I was always terrified of Santa Claus. So, sorry, I don't think we'll be playing any games with you in your Santa suit." The elevator dinged, and I kissed her one last time. No doubt about it, I definitely married the right girl. ***** We got back from our honeymoon tan, relaxed and, as it turned out, pregnant. We dumped our suitcases before going to pick up Lauren. Holly wanted to use the bathroom, and while she did that I checked our answering machine. Four messages, one confirming a dental appointment I had on Tuesday, one asking if we wanted to subscribe to the Wall Street Journal. The other two were virtually identical in tone and wording. "Uh, Tim, it's Pete/Dave. Look, um, I need to talk to you, uh, something happened the night of your wedding, um, uh, I should probably talk to you about it. It's not bad, nothing bad, really, everything's fine, but, uh, call me when you get in." Holly came in to find me deleting the messages. "Who called?" "No one. Just junk." I followed my wife to the car and we headed to her mother's house to pick up our daughter. As I drove I thought about my two naughty aunts, my two sexy, lusty aunts who still found ways to complicate my life. Then again, they also helped me find the girl sitting next to me. Well, call it even, I thought to myself. "You look so serious," Holly said. "Penny for your thoughts?" I laughed and took her hand in mine. "Not for a million bucks, baby."