23 comments/ 212750 views/ 38 favorites Plain Janie By: Mused February 7th December and January were gone, taking their frigid days and bitter cold nights with them. That was little solace to Craig. The March winds were a month premature, a roaring lion that slashed it's icy claws across the freshly blacktopped parking lot. Craig had waited long enough inside the cab of his burgundy minivan, then on the hood where his backside soaked up the last of the engine's warmth. He hastened up the concrete steps to the Cooper Falls library, stopping only when he heard his name called. He spun around to see his stepbrother jogging through the parking lot. The big man called Craig's name again. His breath formed clouds, making him look like a steam locomotive chugging between the parked cars. Harvey's boots battered the asphalt, splattering puddles of ice water as he huffed. "Damnit, I can't believe she called you." "I guess Janie didn't feel like sitting around all day." "All day? I'm only..." He glanced at his wristwatch. "Damn. Three hours." He offered Craig a goofy, apologetic smile. "Guess I lost track of time." "You've lost track of something," Craig said, continuing up the stairs. He wanted to gloat. Making Harvey feel bad was his medicine, it sustained him, but the cold had penetrated his flesh, lodging in his bones. He wanted to get inside. Harvey grabbed his coat, halting their ascent. "Oh Jesus, Craig you should have seen her. Tall, skinny as a willow tree and the sexiest accent I've ever heard." Craig's eyes tumbled in their sockets. He didn't want to hear about another of his stepbrother's conquests. "Her name's Maria, she's from Argentina. I spent four of the most glorious hours of my life in her bedroom. She does these things with her legs." Harvey closed his eyes and bared his teeth. "I'm telling you man, she could smash pumpkins between those thighs." "That's your justification for skipping out on my sister?" Craig asked. "Sleeping with a girl you hardly know?" "Let me recap for you: tall, Argentine and pumpkin-smashing thighs." He counted her distinctive features on his fingers. "I just wished I'd asked for her number." "That's my stepbrother Harvey; bartender by night, man-whore by day." "A lot of interesting people come into The Cumberland," Harvey said. He shoved Craig against the iron handrail of the library steps. The move was not entirely playful. "Is it my fault that the most interesting of those people are women?" "Your bar is just down the street from Janie's apartment. Would it be so hard for you to remember her once in a while? Mr. Roth pitched a fit at me today and that was before I took off this afternoon. The station is going to fire me if I have to keep shuttling my little sister home." Harvey smoothed the back of his dark hair and frowned. "Great, I'm going to catch enough shit from Plain Jane for being late. What's she going do to me if I cost her beloved big brother his job?" "She'd strangle you." She would strangle him if she heard his Plain Jane remark. The heater was turned up too high in the library. Craig shimmied out of his heavy wool coat somewhere between wiping his soggy boots on the doormat and almost slipping on the wet parquet. Harvey's leather coat swished beside him as he approached the front desk. Mrs. Henderson busied herself scanning the barcodes of returned books. She stacked them on piles already precariously high. The librarian looked up from her computer as the two young men approached. "Hello Craig. Jane is in the juvenile section. She volunteered to take over story time while she waited for him." The middle-aged woman's face hardened as she fixed her eyes on Harvey. "You know, I don't think she likes me," Harvey murmured. "She's not alone." Craig grabbed the shoulder of Harvey's coat and dragged him through the library. They approached an area free of shelves. A few pressboard folding tables had been set up for studying and other activities. There were normally a few children milling about this section of the library, except for when Jane had story time. He could hear his sister's voice clearly. He passed around a long shelf brimming with Seuss, Silverstein and other S's and stopped by a dwarf coat rack. Tiny coats, little puffs of nylon, polyester and fleece hung from the curved branches like ornaments on a Christmas tree. Jane sat on a plastic stacking chair, a semicircle of children were seated on the floor before her. She held up a picture book and squinted behind her thick red-rimmed glasses to read the bold printed words aloud. "Never, shouted the Cakemaker. I can never be defeated, not even by five fruits a day." Harvey cleared his throat and flailed his arms trying to capture her attention. Some of the children looked over, distracted by his movements. Craig grabbed one of his stepbrother's arms and stilled it. "Let her finish," he whispered. The children giggled as she read. Silly voices sprang from her throat bringing each character to life. She could bring anything to life. He only listened for a short time, after a few minutes she finished the story and clapped the book shut. Jane uncrossed her legs and climbed out of her seat. Her long wooly skirt almost dragged the ground. "Next week is book two in the Fruit Brigade trilogy. Mrs. Henderson will take over where I left off." The children groaned and complained, they didn't want to listen to Mrs. Henderson. "I suppose I can spare an hour next week. Even if it is Valentine's Day." She helped the smallest child get bundled into a tiny black parka, then grabbed her own periwinkle coat from the floor near the tiny rack and struggled to burrow her arms through the padded sleeves. She reached in her pocket and stretched a stocking cap over her coppery mane of tight curls. Craig tugged to center the crocheted cap on the crown of her head. "Thanks, Mom," she said, slapping his hand away. "The Fruit Brigade?" Harvey examined the book and snickered. "You should read it sometime," she said. Harvey flipped through a few pages. "I didn't know an orange slice could be so proficient at hand-to-hand combat," he said. "I never read books like this when I was a kid." "This is the juvenile section," Jane said. A childlike grin brightened her face. "You were probably reading in the juvenile delinquent section." "If your claws were as sharp as your wit you'd be dangerous Plain Jane." Her cheeks went red beneath the spray of freckles. She acted like the insulting nickname no longer bothered her. Craig knew better, he put a hand on her shoulder to show her as much. "Let's go." She grabbed Craig with her own gloved hand and pulled him out of the library. They were in the parking lot and Craig was fumbling for his keys when Harvey's harsh voice bit through the wind. Harvey caught Jane's free hand and pulled her in the opposite direction. "I promised I'd take you home," Harvey said. "Yeah, three hours ago," Craig retorted, pulling her towards his van. Her slender arms stretched wide apart. She was the rope in a game of tug-of-war between the two men. Her face twisted in pain. "Are you two trying to pull my arms out of their sockets? Let me go!" Craig wasn't about to let his stepbrother win. He gripped his sister's hand all the tighter. Harvey chose that moment to obey her command, a move that was completely out of character. He released her hand, sending both she and Craig to the frigid pavement. "Nice job, Craig." She punched him in the chest through the thick wool coat. Craig helped her up while Harvey did a poor job of not laughing. Jane went to the passenger side of Craig's burgundy minivan, she waited for him to unlock the door. "I just got the Chevelle washed. She's all shiny and silver," Harvey said. "Come on Jane." His plea had no effect, she climbed in her brother's minivan. Craig grabbed his stomach. He pretended to shake with mocking laughter. Harvey retaliated with a middle finger. "I don't know what's sadder, that you're twenty-eight and still single or that you're twenty-eight, single and drive a minivan." They were stopped at a traffic light when she spoke. Craig turned and studied his sister. Their mother had never been this bad. She had meddled in a lot of his business but always steered clear of his love life. "The van wasn't my first choice. Kelly talked me into it, she wanted kids." "Last I checked Kelly wasn't around anymore." He knew Jane wasn't trying to be cruel. "She's been gone for three years. I'm not suggesting you carouse like Harvey, but it shouldn't be so hard for a great guy like you to find someone." His wife wouldn't have left if he was so great. Why didn't she clean the specks off her glasses so those pretty eyes could see him for the loser he was. Those eyes, hazel with flecks of gold, he had never seen anything like them. The car behind him honked it's horn. Craig looked up and stepped on the accelerator. He wondered how long the light had been green. "I appreciate the concern, Janie, but I'm doing the best I can." She giggled and snorted. "You can do better," she said. "Next Monday is Valentine's Day." He reminded her that he owned a calendar. "Do you have any plans?" "You mean other than work?" "I mean a date." "No, I've been too busy---" "Not too busy to pick me up from work every other day." He pulled into the parking space in front of her dilapidated apartment complex. "I'm never too busy for my little sister." "That's the problem." She bridged the gap between their seats and kissed his cheek. "Just a heads up, I asked Harvey to give me a ride home tomorrow." Craig smirked. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." Before he could say goodnight she was running through the cold to reach her door. He turned on his headlights and headed home. February 8th "Oh Harvey." The mocha-skinned princess rolled the R in his name over her talented tongue. A tongue that was put to good use servicing every inch of his genitals. "Oh baby. That is mucho hot." Her anaconda-like tongue wrapped and squeezed the sensitive head of his dick. He grabbed two handfuls of thick black hair and shoved his penis further into her sucking mouth. His balls tensed before depositing multiple squirts of his thick, bitter seed down her esophagus. Maria gagged at the first taste of his sperm but swallowed it all. His penis escaped her slurping mouth and fell limply to his leg. She slithered up his body, dragging her perky breasts and hardened brown nipples across his torso. Harvey closed his eyes and thanked whatever god had compelled her to revisit his bar. "Oh my God Harvey." A brilliant mouthful of large white teeth flashed behind brightly painted lips. Soft red lips that pressed against his. He tasted his foul sperm on her lips. She threw a long well-muscled leg over his body. "It's my turn again." She ran pointed fingernails over his well-developed torso. "I thought you wanted to take me to the gym and show me some of your leg exercises." He squeezed one of her taut, toned calves. "Who needs the gym," she purred. "I have the proper equipment right here." She squeezed the head of his exhausted penis. He hoped he had enough left for one more round. She rolled onto her back and opened her legs. Harvey got into position, his penis firmed. His eyes traced the skinny strip of ebony pubic hair. An easy to follow road that directed travelers to the pink slit below. He pressed the head of his penis against her wet labia, he felt like an old friend returning home. She moaned. His penis parted her pussy's lips and entered the slick tunnel. He shoved in to the hilt while her hands wandered to his back. She tickled and clawed, raking his tanned flesh with her nails. "You're so hard." She panted as he bucked his hips. He showed no mercy, nothing could slow him down. "Even after three hours." Three hours? Oh shit! He glanced at the clock on his dresser. It taunted him with the numbers four and forty-five. Almost five you inconsiderate jackass. His stepsister was going to kill him. He tried to pull out of Maria, but the thin latina had her pumpkin-smashing thighs wrapped around his waist. He struggled to get free; she was too strong and too far gone to be reasoned with. His balls tingled. "Oh shit," he groaned. The first shot fired deep inside Maria. She felt it too and unwrapped her long legs, allowing him to pull out. Semen shot wildly, adding more cream to the mocha skin of her belly. *** Harvey scrambled through the library parking lot just as the church down the street tolled five. Right on time, Craig thought. He got up from the chilly library steps and blocked his stepbrother's path. "Shut up Craig." Harvey never even gave him a chance to gloat. "I was busy." He tried to brush past Craig, but the smaller man grabbed his sleeve. "Busy with who? Was it the fitness queen or the Icelandic swimsuit model. Maybe it was a new one: a hillbilly girl. She's got no teeth but gives terrific blowjobs." "Just lay off. I'm here now." Harvey's brow glistened with sweat. "Plain Jane should get her own wheels if she doesn't like waiting." "Janie can't afford a car. You've seen her medical bills, you've seen the rat hole where she lives." Craig released Harvey's arm. "And stop calling her Plain Jane, you really hurt her feelings yesterday." "Why should I care about Plain Jane's feelings?" Harvey asked. "Because she's your sister." Harvey's finger stuck Craig's chest. "She's your sister. I was dragged into your little family by marriage not by choice." Jane was in the middle of an unscheduled story time. Tonight it was Dr. Seuss. Craig smiled, you can't beat the classics. "I was with Maria again," Harvey whispered. Craig wasn't paying attention to Harvey. He listened to his sister recite all of the things that could possibly be swimming within McElligot's Pool. "I ate her out on the bed. I swear she just about crushed my skull with those legs." That got Craig's attention. "She's like the Bionic Woman from the waist down." Craig looked around nervously. The bespectacled face of Harry Potter was plastered on a nearby wall, staring at him from a poster that urged children to read. "Is this really the appropriate place to be having this conversation?" Craig asked. His voice was barely audible. "Funny thing is this hot blonde had already asked me to take her out tonight. She was kind of skanky but had a great ass. I gave her my phone number not ten minutes before Maria showed up." "So you're going to cancel the blonde?" "Are you insane. There's always something left in the tank for blondes with great asses." "What about Maria?" "I asked her to lock up after she dressed." Craig shook his head. "That's not what I meant. Won't you feel guilty about cheating on her?" "Technically I cheated on the blonde when I was with Maria this afternoon so it's only fair that I cheat on Maria with the blonde tonight." His stepbrother's reasoning was baffling. It was like the circle of life for philanderers. "Did I asked to be born this way?" Harvey smoothed his leather jacket and struck a rigid pose. "I'm sure you'd trade it all away and settle down if the right girl ever came along," Craig said. "Hell no! If I wouldn't trade it all for an Argentine with thighs-of-steel, then I wouldn't trade it for anything." Poor Harvey, he couldn't even spell sarcasm. "I'm really glad we're not actually related," Craig whispered. They were interrupted by another librarian pushing a cart of books. The woman was at least sixty, her face starting to wither. Even she stopped to glance at Harvey. "Face it Craig, I could have any woman I wanted." "Any woman?" Craig asked. Harvey nodded, puffing out his chest. Craig motioned over his shoulder to the front desk. "What about Mrs. Henderson." "Yuck," Harvey grimaced and stuck out his tongue. "It would be ethnically wrong." Craig didn't bother correcting him. "But I would have that gray head bobbing in my lap by the end of the day." "The end of the day?" Craig asked. The woman hated his guts. If Harvey tried to make a move on her he'd be force fed his own balls. He had the beginnings of a plan. Just an idea, something that had been fermenting in his skull for a while. "You couldn't get a piece of Mrs. Henderson in a million years." "She'd be ready to ditch Mr. Henderson by the end of the week," Harvey said. Craig asked him how confident he was. Harvey narrowed his dark eyes. "I'd bet you anything that I could have any woman within one week." Harvey cracked open the door, now it was up to Craig to stick his foot inside. He had to move fast, before the opportunity and the door slammed shut. "Bet your Chevelle," Craig said. His stepbrother arched his eyebrow. "Bet me your Chevelle that you can sleep with any woman within a week." Craig rubbed his palms together. "Since when did you become a gambling man?" "This is no gamble. You're practically giving me that car." Craig's statement had the intended effect. Harvey bristled, he was one step from foaming at the mouth. "Your on Craig. Pick any girl you want. By the end of one week I'll be wearing her panties, not literally. One rule: no Mrs. Henderson." Harvey was firm on the matter. "The girl has got to be our age." Craig nodded, it would be difficult but not impossible. He held out his hand. Harvey slapped it away. "You have to put something on the line," Harvey whispered. Craig had anticipated this as well. "I am. My van." "I don't want your shitty van. I'm putting my baby on the line, you have to bet something just as precious. Your house." "My house?! How do you figure some old car is worth me losing my house?" "Some old car?" Harvey asked, his hushed voice thick with indignity. "We are talking about a 1968 Chevrolet Chevelle Malibu, the finest machine ever built. Fully restored inside and out. I reconditioned the engine myself. Took me four years to hunt down all the damned parts! "I'd say it's worth just as much as that dinky box you live in." Craig didn't want the car as much as he wanted to beat Harvey. He had dreamed of the day he would be able to look his egotistical stepbrother in the eye and say, 'you're not good enough,' if he had to wager his own home to do it, then so be it. "So?" Harvey asked. "Who's the lucky girl?" That would be the tricky part. Every girl Craig had ever known had lusted over his tall, muscular stepbrother. Craig had stopped bringing dates home for fear they would be meet Harvey and be turned to the dark side by his charms. Kelly was the only woman who had never shown much interest in Harvey. Which in retrospect isn't very surprising considering her interest in men turned out to be precarious at best. He needed someone who had the strong will to resist Harvey's advances, someone who would never give Harvey a second look, someone who saw Harvey for the decadent clod that he was. The library was near silent. His sister's cheery voice was the only noise that rose above the whispers and fluttering of pages. Craig closed his eyes and thought, if only he could find a girl that detested Harvey as much as Jane did. That was it, his answer. He only needed his stepbrother's acquiescence. "Janie," Craig said. His voice was quiet but unyielding. "What?" Harvey had almost shouted. Shushes came from all directions. Jane stopped reading. She looked up from the book and glared. "You said any girl as long as she's our age." Craig whispered, his voice was so low he wondered if Harvey could hear. "Janie's twenty-five and she's most definitely a girl." "She's my sister!" "Stepsister. You aren't related by blood, you only got dragged into this family by marriage." Craig was pleased to throw the bigger man's words back at him. "Do we have a bet or not?" Craig thrust out his hand. Harvey hesitated for a moment then gripped Craig's hand, squeezing harder than necessary. The bet was on. Plain Janie February 9th This morning shouldn't have happened. Harvey never paid attention to her, as far as he was concerned she didn't exist. Why the sudden change in attitude? First he bought her breakfast then he was actually, almost sweet to her. She'd lost count of the times he apologized while they ate. Jane Benson wore a huge smile as she stepped into her apartment but didn't realize it until she bumped into her roommate. Anne had just climbed out of bed. She clutched a steaming mug of black coffee in one hand and tugged at her matted brunette hair with the other. "Was that your stepbrother's car?" she asked. Jane nodded. "No wonder you're smiling." "He took me out for breakfast, we had pancakes with real maple syrup." Jane strutted over to her friend and exhaled a maple scented breath. "I believe you," Anne said, covering her nose. Jane unzipped her heavy coat and sighed. "He wants to buy me dinner tomorrow night." "You have a date with Harvey Patterson? Janie! I'll try to keep my composure but I am so jealous of you right now." "Don't be ridiculous Anne. We're related." Jane unbuttoned her coat and tossed it over the armrest of a battered recliner. "Besides, it's not like a guy that looks like Harvey would ever be interested in a girl like me." Her smile curved into a frown. "I think you've listened to those Plain Jane insults for too long. We're not in high school anymore and you're not that awkward little girl." She tugged a strand of Jane's coppery hair. "Next time you're in front of the mirror take a good look." Anne was always giving her encouragement. Telling her how lovely she is, how any man would be lucky to have her. God, she was as bad as Craig. "He only wants to apologize for standing me up. He did it practically all morning. I wonder if he's in a twelve step program?" *** Smoking had been banned from public places courtesy of the Cooper Falls city council four years earlier. Somehow the Cumberland still managed to reek of tobacco along with an unpleasant mixture of leather, varnish and sweat. Craig shifted on his barstool as Harvey refilled his coffee cup. He had visited the Cumberland twice before, at night when the place was jammed. The neon lights were dark. Craig was forced to rely on the purplish light from the tinted windows to read the deed to his home. The stools were empty beside him, the only sounds were from Harvey as he rattled liquor bottles. With all of the glitz stripped away the place was downright depressing. "I can't believe you took her out the first morning," Craig said, sitting the deed on the bar. "Preemptive strike. I picked that up in the army." "Which explains why you do more women before 6 A.M. than most people do all day." "Funny." Harvey snatched the deed from the bar top and folded it up. "Hey, I thought you only wanted to look at it!" "I'll look once it's mine," Harvey said. "In the meantime it goes in the safe with the tips and the title to my car." Harvey grinned in that condescending way of his. "I asked Jane out to dinner tomorrow night. You should have seen how all four of her eyes lit up." Craig saw his silver Chevelle drive away, his sister was destined to become another notch on Harvey's headboard. He asked Harvey where they planned on dining. "I don't know, but I want it to be special. Some place expensive." Craig perked up. "I know a place off Route 8 by the Lancaster exit. Their steaks cost a fortune, but the beef is so tender you can practically swallow it whole." Harvey crinkled his brow. "And you would be volunteering this information because?" "Because I'm confident that you have no shot with Janie." Craig hauled a fifty dollar bill out of his wallet and let it flutter to the table. "I'll even pay." Harvey stuffed the cash in his pocket. "Free steaks would make a night with Plain Jane more bearable, if you're being honest." Craig did his best to look innocent. "I'm not going to drive all the way out there and have this place end up being a McDonalds or a slaughterhouse?" Craig smiled inwardly. The place was legitimate. They were renowned for their steaks. Unfortunately for Harvey the best steaks in the town would do him no good where Jane was concerned. Their dinner would be unpleasant enough but all he would need was for one "Plain Jane" to slip from Harvey's mouth and the contest was over. But if it didn't, if Harvey somehow succeeded. "If you and Jane, by some miracle end up... How would you prove it." "I guess I could take pictures or hide a video camera." Craig's face reddened, he slammed his fist on the bar. "Like hell you could!" Harvey flashed a perfect set of teeth. "Relax, I was joking. All you have to do is ask her. It's not like she'd ever lie to her big brother." She wouldn't, that's why Craig was beginning to feel terrible for using her like this. February 10th The restaurant was called Black Angus. Harvey checked around and confirmed that his little stepbrother had told the truth. This was the most expensive steakhouse in Cooper Falls. Rows of enormous timber had been stacked and chinked around an existing brick structure giving Black Angus the appearance of a grand log home. Even Plain Jane seemed impressed by the monstrous façade. The simple act of walking through the door was a treat. Harvey was almost bowled over by the smells that greeted his nose. The scents of mushrooms, grilled onions and beef consolidated to, if not bring tears to his eyes, than at least bring saliva to his lips. He bided his time in line beside a balding gentleman who paced and mumbled, he seemed at least as hungry as Harvey. Jane remained silent, arms folded. A tapping foot was the only indication of her mounting impatience. The food had to be good, he assured her. The waiter took over an hour to seat them. They had somehow passed the balding gentleman, who expressed his displeasure in a very ungentlemanly way. Harvey had to suck back the moisture in his mouth as he looked over the menu. He could see Jane's eyes darting over the menu. She must have been concerned with the prices. "Money doesn't matter Jane. Order whatever you can eat." Her mouth drooped open just a little, as if she couldn't believe his generosity. "I'm a vegetarian, Harvey." "Since when?" She pretended to count on her fingers. "The past twelve years!" She practically spat at him. "How could you not know that? There isn't a single scrap in this tacky crematorium that I would even consider eating." Jane slammed her menu on the table. "God Damn that Craig!" Harvey shouted. "That little asshole set me up! He told me you would love this place." Harvey shouted a string of cusswords, all of which were directed at Craig. Some of the other diners were beginning to stare. Jane begged him to calm down. Harvey scanned the room. "I'll get the waiter. There has to be some kind of meatless entree." Harvey raised a long arm and their waiter hurried to the table. "Yes sir, are you ready to order?" the waiter asked. "I want the eighteen ounce strip steak for myself, but my girl has got a little problem," Harvey said. The waiter struck an undignified pose. "Do you have anything without meat?" "You realize you're dining at a place called Black Angus, named after the finest and most delicious breed of cattle." Harvey nodded at the waiter. "I know where I am, but my date, she's vegetarian. "We serve herb seasoned potato wedges but the lady might be offended by the fact that they are referred to as 'steak' fries." "No, no I don't think she would mind," Harvey said, handing the menus to the waiter. "Bring her some of those; a whole plate's worth. Do you have anything else?" The waiter rubbed the wispy goatee clinging to his chin. He snapped his fingers. "We garnish the plates with sprigs of parsley. Perhaps I could ask the chef for extras?" Harvey rubbed his hands together. "That would be excellent." The waiter nodded and left. Harvey turned to Jane, her face was buried in her arms. "What, you don't like parsley?" *** Her stepbrother sawed through his steak and chewed open mouthed. He was such a pig. Jane dipped a potato wedge in ketchup and took a bite. "Harvey," she said, "this is ridiculous. You've dragged me to a slaughterhouse in the middle of nowhere. I want to know you're agenda." "No agenda." He dabbed a bit of juice off his chin with a finger. "I wanted to apologize for the last couple of days." "You're going to need more than French fries and ketchup." "Don't forget the parsley," he said, pointing with his fork. Jane smiled in spite of herself. He was an inconsiderate dolt but on rare occasions he could be sweet. She hauled her canvas purse to the tabletop and dug past books and makeup. She found a little stuffed lion, dusty and matted beside her emergency glasses. She showed it to Harvey. "What is that supposed to be, some sort of otter?" "Otter?" Jane glanced at the stuffed toy. "This is a Lion; Mr. Mane. You gave him to me on my twelfth birthday. Don't you remember bringing him to the hospital?" She put the toy in one of his big hands. He studied the little toy, turning it over with his fingers. "Are you sure Craig didn't give you Mr. Mange? He was always buying you junk." How could he not remember? He brought it to her hospital room and tucked it in her bed. The memory was so precious to her. Jane stuffed the toy back in her purse and rushed to the ladies room. Harvey called after her but she kept moving. She wanted to get away before he saw her tears. She found an empty stall and went through two Kleenexes before her emotions were curbed. Her eyes were still puffy and red when she emerged from the ladies room. Another woman had claimed Jane's vacated seat. A young blonde abandoned her flirtation with Harvey the moment Jane growled. The woman apologized and scampered away, leaving Jane to sit in a seat that was tainted by the warmth of her backside. "I don't believe you! Flirting with other women when you're supposed to be out with me." She hoped she didn't sound as jealous as she felt. "Do you have any idea how bad that makes me look?" Jane grabbed a potato wedge and tore it in two with her teeth, she imagined it was a certain section of her stepbrothers anatomy. She chewed for a moment, willing her anger to subside. She was sane again. "What is the deal with you and all these women?" she asked. "Are you missing the chromosome that allows fidelity or something?" Harvey stuttered. She had never seen him at a loss for words. "I don't like saying no," he said. "Which is something you have in common with the women you date." Harvey smiled, an uncomplicated, innocent smile. No ulterior motives, he was merely tickled by her words. She liked it when he smiled like that. "Not all of them," he said. His dark eyes fixed on her. He was a bird of prey, Jane reminded herself, she was just a little sparrow. She held his gaze as long as she dared then blushed and looked away. She noticed all of the envious looks directed her way. Harvey garnered lustful glances from every woman in the room. Old Plain Jane had bagged herself the hottest guy in the building, for the first time she felt proud to be sitting beside her stepbrother. Even if he was a dolt. Dinner was still digesting as Harvey walked Jane to her apartment door. A wind rustled the coppery curls that had snuck out from under her stocking cap. The night's chill numbed her cheeks. She almost knocked but remembered Anne would not be home tonight. She turned her back to him and put the key in the lock. His big hand rested on her shoulder. She felt his powerful grip, even through the thick, fleece stuffing in her coat. "I'm sorry about dinner," he apologized. "It's alright." She faced him. "I had a surprisingly good time. We should hang out more." "Yeah I'd like that, but next time I'll remember no red meat. We could have seafood, you like seafood don't you?" Jane sighed. "I'm kidding." She wasn't so sure. "I'm not doing anything tomorrow night. If you want, we could---" "I'm going to Craig's tomorrow," Jane said. She heard him curse under his breath. "Don't get upset I spend every Friday with Craig." Harvey's face softened. "I don't mean to sound angry but it seems like that brother of yours is always interfering with my plans." "Your plans?" Jane asked. She could at least pretend he was interested. "And just what sort of plans have you made for me?" Harvey's cold-chapped cheeks turned redder as he leaned down. Oh God, Jane thought, he wanted to kiss her. She flinched, turning her head just in time to introduce his lips to her cheek. It was a chaste kiss, if any kiss from a man like Harvey could be considered chaste. "You can come along," she breathed. "Craig wouldn't mind." Harvey politely declined. He knew as well as she did that Craig would most definitely mind. Jane beamed as she stepped inside her apartment. "I'll see you Saturday, Jane Benson," he shouted from the other side of the door. "I won't take no for an answer!" Wait until she told Anne. February 11th The baritone voice of Michael Roth stretched across the airwaves, offering the weekend weather report to his steadfast conservative fan base. "Cooper Falls will see rising temperatures this weekend. Combined with falling barometric pressure we should see a seventy percent chance of Jane. Rain. Heavy rainfall. That is your overnight forecast provided by Aberdeen Windows. Aberdeen windows, quality glass and customer service that's never a pane." Craig cringed every time his boss recited that awful line. "The Michael Roth Show will be back after this short commercial break." Craig tried to escape to the hallway before his boss could slip off the headset. "Benson!" his bellicose boss called out. Mr. Roth was not happy, his bare scalp was red and his enormous lips were contorted in a pursed sneer. "I don't suppose you know who typed up today's weather report." Craig shook his head. "My listeners want to know about the weather, not the aspects of your personal life." "I'm sorry Mr. Roth, it won't happen again." His boss wagged a chubby finger and ambled close. Close enough for Craig to smell the foulness of his sweat-soaked blazer. "Why do I keep you around Benson? You leave early, your topic ideas are as provocative as a can of tuna. You've been nothing but trouble since your internship." Mr. Roth unleashed a string of profanity, behavior unbecoming for a self professed ultra-conservative. After a thorough tongue lashing Craig made his escape. He was beginning to hate himself for involving Jane in this stupid little bet, it was showing up in his work. She had called him last night, prattling like a little schoolgirl about her evening with Harvey. This was getting dangerous. There were still four days left and he was already in trouble. Jane was his tonight, it was their Friday ritual to spend the evening together and that meant no chances for Harvey. That would be his mantra for the coming days: no chances for Harvey. He would use drastic measures where they were called for. Anything to win. Jane looked lovelier than usual as she sat across the table. Her naturally curly hair had been focused into loose coppery tresses hanging just past her shoulders. Craig sighed. He knew the new look was for Harvey's sake. Two empty Lean Cuisine cartons rested on the edge of the oak kitchen table. Eggplant parmesan was one of her favorites, but not one of his. They were playing poker, five-card stud. She peeked over her fanned out hand and offered him her best poker face. She threw a pair of silver quarters on the middle of the table. They wobbled to a stop and were joined by two of the same from Craig's pocket. They always wagered with quarters. Quarters were easy to come by. Any self-serve carwash that was worth it's salt had quarter machines. The siblings slapped their cards face up on the table. Jane boasted as her three jacks trounced his two sevens. She collected another fifty cents. "Alright that's enough cards. I need to save something for the Coke machine," Craig said. He gathered the pile of cards and shoved them back in the pack. Jane collected the winnings and stuffed them in her purse. They both knew why she always ended up the big winner. Craig didn't see his sister as some pathetic charity case, not at all. She hadn't had a serious problem for thirteen years but her medical bills were still immense. She had regular checkups with the cardiologist and expensive EKGs. The damned HMO the library provides only pays for so much. "Do you want another frozen dinner? They were on sale." He opened the freezer. Vegetarian Lean Cuisines had been crammed into every available space. "What are you going to do with all of those?" she asked, knowing he was a confirmed carnivore. "I'll eat them of course. I love..." He dug through the boxes. "spinach lasagna, bean burritos, and tofurkey." He paused to study that last one, extracting it from beneath the icemaker. "What the hell is tofurkey?" "It's turkey made from tofu." The radiance of her smile could have spilled out of the kitchen and lit the whole darkened house. "Trust me, you'd hate it." "Don't be so sure. I love turkey, I tolerate tofu. Put them both together and... No you're right. I'd hate it." He stuffed the box back in the freezer. "I don't think I really like any of these. I guess you'll just have to come over and eat them for me." "I might need one tomorrow, when Harvey takes me to the zoo." Craig slammed the freezer shut. He still felt a chill. He went back to the table to sit next to her. "Are you sure the zoo is the safest place for Harvey? It might upset the other visitors to see a big dumb animal on the loose." She slapped his side and giggled. "Craig, that's not nice." "And since when did we start being nice to Harvey?" He reached out and touched a lock of her coppery hair. "We were never close to Harvey," Jane said. "We only lived with him for two years before he moved out. Maybe we just never got to really know him." Craig sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Just promise me you'll be on guard. He might be able to put on the mask of a caring human being but deep down he's still the same old Harvey." "Craig can I show you something." She reached inside her purse and pulled out a tiny stuffed lion. "You carry Mr. Mane in your purse?" he asked. She grinned. "You still remember him?" "I remember how much you loved that stupid toy." "I always thought that giving me this toy was the sweetest thing Harvey had ever done." She smoothed it's tangled mane. "But he doesn't even remember." Craig smelled blood. This was his chance to go in for the kill. He had bought the stuffed lion in the hospital gift shop. When Harvey had showed up, empty handed as usual, he had felt sorry. He didn't want Jane to know that her dolt of a stepbrother had forgotten her birthday so he put Harvey's name on the lion. He wanted to tell her now so she would see just how little Harvey cared. It would have been a dagger through the heart, the fatal blow. Jane would be devastated but her tears would signal his victory. "You know how Harvey is. I'm not so sure he even remembers his own middle name sometimes," Craig said, amazed by his own stupidity. He didn't want to talk about Harvey anymore. "Did you keep my gift?" He had given her a bracelet. It was just colorful strings he had braided together but she loved it anyway. "The friendship bracelet?" she asked. "When you left home to go to college I never took it off. I wore it to school and to bed. I even wore it in the shower." He felt peculiar when she told him that. He reached for her hands and pulled up the sleeve of her sweater. He examined her wrists. "Why aren't you wearing it now? Aren't we still friends?" Plain Janie "It sort of disintegrated." She rubbed her left wrist. "It turns out showers and strings don't mix." She looked at the tiny watch on her wrist and gasped. "You'd better take me home before it gets any later." Jane and Anne lived in a bad neighborhood but it was all they could afford. "You know you can stay with me," he said. "You're always welcome here." She got up and patted his cheek. "I know Craig, but I need to stand on my own for a while. I can't rely on my big brother forever." "Yes you can." He lifted her purse. The canvas sagged, laden with quarters. She took the heavy bag and slung it over a slim shoulder. "One of these days I'm going to let you win," she promised. Then he took her home. Craig Benson returned to a dark and empty house. The walls, the carpet and the furniture all reminded him of Kelly. Everything in the little house did, everything except for the kitchen. The kitchen reminded him of Jane. They had gotten together every Friday night since his wife left. At first they were awkward dinners, Craig would brood while his little sister did sinister things: she made him talk and listen. She cracked him open like a coconut until he had no choice but to express his feelings. After a time they started having fun and he found that he looked forward to the evenings spent with her. He had never gathered the will to reenter the dating ocean. There were too many sharks and not enough lifeguards. He shouldn't have to date. Kelly was supposed to have been his forever. When she left it frayed his whole world. Jane had been the one to put it back together, braiding the loose strands of his life a string at a time. She became more than his adorable little sister, she was his best friend and guardian angel. She gave him female companionship, something he desperately needed. She had never asked for anything in return. That's why he had no qualms about helping her out, whether it be with money, chauffeuring or incessantly begging her to move into his extra bedroom. He rinsed the dirty silverware then jammed them into the overcrowded dishwasher. The pair of empty Lean Cuisine boxes had to be left on the table. The trashcan had reached it's maximum capacity and he didn't feel like taking it out in the cold. He missed her already. Her laugh, her smile, the hideous smell of eggplant parmesan nuking in the microwave. The odd thing was for the first time in three years he no longer spent his nights pining for Kelly. Now he thought of Jane. He imagined how wonderful it would be if she were with him all of the time. No more darkness, no more emptiness, no more thinking of Kelly when he looked at the walls or the carpet or the furniture. Just he and Jane. February 12th Jane got up earlier than normal that Saturday morning. Harvey wouldn't come for her until noon but sleep was hopeless. She scrubbed her naked back in the shower and thought of Harvey's steely eyes and tanned face. She knew they weren't actually dating or anything, but to be seen in public with someone like Harvey wouldn't be bad for her reputation. She giggled, she was thinking like a freshman. Cold water flooded the shower stall, a reminder that she had washed long enough. She made her way to the vanity. Beads of water dripped off her body to form tiny puddles on the linoleum floor. She found her glasses on the edge of the sink. She cleared steam off of the lenses then placed them on her nose. She grabbed a tiny pair of scissors from the sink and sat on the edge of the toilet lid. She snipped a few reddish-brown hairs, keeping her triangle of pubic hairs as tidy as possible. She had no clue why, it wasn't like Harvey would be seeing that. Her crotch tingled. She had spent a little too much time in the shower cleaning certain areas of her anatomy. The sudden inundation of cold water had done nothing to cure her arousal. She dipped her hand to touch her clit. She shuddered and almost moaned. Jane hopped off the toilet lid and shushed herself in the mirror. She could hear Anne in the kitchen digging through the cupboards. Jane touched her clit again, this time applying more pressure. Once more she shuddered. Her skin was soaked but her mouth was dry as sandpaper. She had neglected her body for too long. Her fingers gripped the edge of the sink to steady herself as she teased her labia. Oily secretions lubricated her fingers while she prodded herself. She leaned over the sink, slipping her slim index finger up her tight channel to the first knuckle. She grabbed a soft breast and squeezed, reveling as she established an erotic circuit between her nipple and groin. Her finger slid out, slicker and wetter than before. She used it to rub her clit over and over. She imagined Harvey, his eyes his face. She imagined his big hands doing this to her and smiled. He was experienced. He would know how to please her. She saw herself in the mirror, bent over, masturbating like a deviant. Maybe Anne was right, she conceded. Jane was no longer the skinny teenager that had been branded Plain Jane. She frowned at the scar that marred her body. Her fingers stilled. She was twelve the last time the surgeons had cut her open. While other girls worried about training bras and periods and boys, Jane had to listen to the doctors drone on and on about congenital heart defects. She had been so young during the first two surgeries, just a baby. The third and final time she was twelve, almost a teenager. Old enough to be scared. Her friends and schoolmates never visited the hospital room. They were too afraid to visit the 'dying girl.' But she always had Craig. There were times when he was as bad as any other brother. He could taunt and he could tease and he could play mean-spirited pranks on her, but if anybody else ever tried he would make them sorry. More often than not he was her sweet big brother, the boy who would sit by her hospital bed and read storybooks with her when she was too weak for anything else. She never even cared much for books until he started reading to her. Those stupid voices he would make up, the same ones she used for the children in the library. She thought of Craig and her fingers started to move again. He hadn't touched a woman in three years, not since that slut Kelly left him. He blames himself and he punishes himself because she ran off with another woman. He thinks it makes him less of a man. Craig is so wonderful, she thought. Why couldn't he see himself the way she did? She drove her finger deep into her pussy, deep enough to massage her clit with the base of her thumb. There was a knock. "Jane?" Anne said from behind the door. Jane stiffened. What if she hadn't turned the lock? Her friend would find her hunched over the sink, fingering herself like a madwoman. She didn't stop though, she was too close to a long overdue release. "I'm going out for some breakfast. You want anything?" Anne asked. Jane didn't want to answer, she wasn't sure she could speak. She wanted Anne to go away and let her cum. "No." Her voice cracked. "No thank you." "Okay, I'll keep my cell on if you change your mind." Anne moved away from the door, Jane regained the courage to move her finger. "Jane!" Anne screamed. "Mr. LaSalle came by again last night. He says if we don't pay he's throwing us out. Call your brother. See if he can loan you some money for rent." "Yes!" She hissed. As soon as the apartment door closed Jane felt her pussy spasm. Her entire body arched over the sink. All alone, she let go and called out. She yelled one name and it wasn't Harvey's. The forecasted rainfall had never materialized. A cold front had overpowered one of it's milder southern cousins. All morning the temperature struggled to straddle the freezing point. Harvey shivered, his breath formed temporary clouds. "Jane, why did you drag me out to the zoo in the middle of February?" "I wanted you to see that animals were good for something besides barbequing." "There is something twisted about making us walk outside, while all these damn animals lounge in their heated dens." He sneezed. "That monkey just gave me the finger," Harvey said. "Look at that little bastard." Harvey pulled his hands out of his leather jacket and flashed a pair of middle fingers at the Chimpanzee exhibit. Jane wanted to tell him to stop being ridiculous but remembered who she was dealing with. One of the zoo's caretakers took notice of Harvey and was making a report in his radio. "Come on, before you get us thrown out." She pulled her large stepbrother back onto the main path. "You know you're lucky those chimps were inside where it's warm. They have been known to throw some rather nasty projectiles when the visitors agitate them." "I hate monkeys," he muttered. "We could go see the polar bear or the penguins," she said. "Or we could go back to the gift shop and let my genitals thaw out." She laughed at his suggestion. "Come on you big baby." Jane browsed the gifts while Harvey swigged several cups of hot chocolate. There were little dolls, animals with suits and dresses, each were given a human name. She picked one up. It was a crocodile named Kelly, it was blonde and had too much makeup on. The blister pack said that she was a high-maintenance reptile who's jaws could snap any man in two. Craig would love it. She found a little bin of stuffed animals. On the very top of the pile was a little yellow lion, an almost exact duplicate of her beloved Mr. Mane. The only thing missing was the mane, this was a female lion. She wanted Harvey to buy it for her. He was at the counter with the cashier. She was tall and red-headed. She was also extremely young. Jane moved closer to the two noticing that Harvey wasn't just beside the counter, he was behind it. He whispered in the cashier's ear. When he finally noticed Jane he froze. The cashier gritted her teeth as Harvey tried to apologize. Jane threw the souvenirs down and stormed out of the shop. "Jane wait!" Harvey jogged until he caught up with her. "Let me explain." "Go ahead," Jane said. She crossed her arms and tapped her boot. "Explain!" Harvey stuttered then scowled. She knew that he couldn't. "Jesus Christ Harvey, what's wrong with you? She was just a kid!" "She was eighteen," he said, throwing up his arms defensively. "That's old enough for me." He flashed what was normally a disarming smile. There was no way he would charm his way out of trouble this time. "She bet me that her perfume smelled better than yours." He stepped close to her. "You know I can't resist a bet, so I climbed behind the counter for a whiff. I was defending your honor." Against her better judgment she allowed her face to soften. "And?" Jane asked. He bent close to her neck and inhaled. "Not only do I have the prettiest girl at the zoo, I have the best smelling one." "I'm not wearing perfume," she said. She wanted to whisper it in his ear but couldn't reach. He gripped her shoulders, she felt her jaw tremble. Harvey pulled her crocheted stocking cap off. "Your hair looks beautiful styled that way." His cold fingers removed the glasses from her nose. "Your eyes, they're so lovely. You shouldn't keep them covered with these Coke bottles." The world turned into a milky blur. Harvey's chiseled face, just inches from her own, was nothing more than a well-tanned blot. She felt his breath as his lips drew nearer. "Do you still think I'm a Plain Jane?" she asked. "Not anymore." Then he kissed her. She wanted to pull away and slap him, to prove that he could not manipulate her so easily. Instead she permitted his tongue entrance to her mouth. All the while she reminded herself that she was not one of his bimbos. His hands released their grip on her thick coat and slid down to her jeans. He gripped the twin mounds of her butt through the denim. She thrilled at the roughness of his fingers. His fingers moved to her front, they tried to unzip her jeans. She turned beet red. What was he doing? They were out in public. She remembered what Craig had told her last night and she agreed, he was the same old Harvey. She had let this go on long enough. She pulled away. "Jane wait." He reached out and tried to grab her but his hand ended up on her chest. She searched for her glasses; he still had them. Harvey released her and returned the glasses. He didn't look nearly as handsome anymore. Jane straightened her coat and zipped up her jeans. "Craig was right about you!" Harvey smirked. An arrogant, secretive, 'I know something that could ruin your life' kind of smirk. "One of these days, you're going to find out that your brother is not the knight in shining armor he pretends to be." That was al he said before taking her home. February 13th Jane watched Craig dig through her refrigerator. He was determined to make her breakfast despite the apartment's lack of food. "See, I told you there was nothing to eat in there," Jane said. "We're out of milk and the eggs smell funny." Jane didn't think she had slept at all last night. She tossed, she turned and she cried, but nope, no sleep. Despite her exhaustion she was glad that her brother had stopped by. He had no idea how much she needed him that morning. "Check out this tuna." He pulled out an opened tin loosely covered with cling wrap. "Apparently it's Chicken of the Green Sea now." Anne's tuna was covered with a mossy layer of mold. "Yuck," Jane said. She grabbed the can and chucked it in the garbage. "Janie, get dressed," he said. "I'm taking you to the store." "No way. You're not buying me groceries. Craig, I wont let you." She tried to protest but it was no use. Craig was stuck in big brother mode. "Think of it like this, you're borrowing the groceries and someday, someway you can pay me back." "I can never pay you back," she said. He came close, as close as Harvey had yesterday. She could feel her brother's breath now. It was warmer, sweeter than Harvey's. He touched the tip of her nose with his finger. "And you never have to." "For someone who won't let me buy her groceries, you sure are letting me buy you a lot of groceries." Craig pretended to struggle as he pushed the loaded shopping cart through the produce aisle. "Don't be such a baby," she said, "soup and vegetables are the cheapest things in the store." She headed for the bin of apples and picked out a half dozen Granny Smiths. Craig was not at the cart when she returned. He was at the cantaloupes, holding a pair of the spherical melons to his chest. "Hey Janie, who am I?" he asked. "I really don't know." She wished he would put them down, people were staring. "I don't know either, but I bet I could give Harvey a boner." Jane covered her mouth to stifle her giggles. Craig put the melons in the cart and dashed off again. Now, where was he off to? She found him down by the deli in front of a large rotisserie oven. A dozen whole chicken carcasses rotated on two spits. His mouth was practically watering. "I'm getting one of those," he said. "No way," she said, peeling his hands off of the warm glass. "I won't let my big brother participate in the murder of innocent hens." "So I'm a murderer for eating chickens?" She nodded and patted his stomach. "A mass murderer." "You'd never find a court that would convict me." "What if the judge was Foghorn Leghorn?" she asked. "I'd ask for a change of venue. To Kentucky." He had her there. "You know one of these days vegetarians will be the majority." She stopped as his face leaned close to hers. "...we'll be in the White House, the Capitol and the Supreme Court. We'll make you all eat nothing but peas and carrots and turnips." "Well," he said, "I hope all of those turnip eating fascists are as pretty as you." She stepped backwards almost bumping into another shopper. He held her hand in the checkout lane, just like when they were children. When she asked him why he was so cheerful he just smiled, an imperfect, truly wonderful smile. They loaded the van and closed the hatch. The thermometer on the bank across the street read twenty degrees but the cutting wind made it feel much colder. Craig wheeled the cart to one of the strategically placed corrals. He returned munching out of a bag of candy. The cold air was kind of invigorating, she felt awake and alive for the first time all morning. Craig leaned close to her, close enough that she could smell the sweetness of his breath, that too was invigorating. "What are you eating?" she asked, leaning against the back of his van. "Conversation Hearts," he said. She watched him eat a handful of the pastel candies, they crunched in his teeth. "Want some?" She declined by shaking her head. "Don't worry, they're not made out of ground up baby bunnies." He dug through the bag and put a little pink heart in the middle of her gloved hand. There were crooked red letters printed on the tiny heart. She read them aloud. "4-E-V-E-R. Forever, Craig?" He took the candy heart from her hand and held it to her lips. "Yeah. I didn't think I would find one that said I L-U-V S-I-S." She opened her mouth and he placed it on her tongue. The heart was brittle and powdery and awful. She shook her head. "It tastes like fruit-flavored chalk." "I know, but you can only get it once a year." He ate the last piece then crumpled the bag. "Throw that away for me," he said, stuffing the bag in her pocket. "No," she giggled, "you take care of your own trash." She tried to stuff it in his pocket but he caught her wrist and pinned her against the back of the van. The sweetness of his breath filled her nose just before he kissed her. Her knees buckled, good thing she was propped against the glass and steel of his van otherwise she might have crumpled to the ground. Her arms wrapped around him, she forgot about the fact that he was her brother, her real brother. Fruit and chalk didn't taste so bad on his lips. Jane ran her fingers along the strap of her seatbelt. He had kissed her, there was no doubt about that. Had it really been the long passionate embrace she remembered or was it just a brotherly peck that her imagination had blown out of proportion? One thing was for sure: she couldn't tell by looking at Craig. His face had not changed all morning. He was still the goofy, grinning, Craig that she loved. She loved Craig, what an odd thing to even consider. "Craig, what are you doing tomorrow?" Jane asked as they pulled into her apartment complex. "Work, home, TV, sleep. You know the routine." He opened the door and hopped outside. She met him at the back of the van where he was already grabbing a sack of groceries. "It's Valentine's Day," she said. "Just another day in the eyes of Craig Benson." Jane pulled off her stocking cap, exposing her coppery hair. She hoped it wasn't too frazzled. "I was thinking that maybe we could get together again." She took off her glasses and hoped Harvey hadn't been lying when he said her eyes were beautiful. "Janie," blurry Craig sighed. "Put your glasses back on." She stiffened as he took the thick red-rimmed glasses from her hand. "Why?" she asked. "So you can see me do this." He perched the glasses back on her nose and kissed her again. There was nothing imagined about this kiss. It was most definitely real and decidedly un-brotherly. His hands were on her hips, they gripped her firmly and gently. He acted like he wanted to explore her body but every time his left hand started to move it retreated back to the swell of her hip. Tired of his uncertainty, she took his wrist and placed his hand on her chest. She didn't think he could even feel her breast through the thick coat and sweatshirt, but she could feel him. Her nipple hardened even more than the cold weather could account for. She unzipped her coat and took the plastic grocery sack from his hand.