9 comments/ 284386 views/ 18 favorites Guilt Ch. 01 By: mothersson Let me first say thanks to my father, without whom none of this would have been possible. Dying was only his final gift to me. He was a total prick when I was growing up, and as far back as I can remember that helped bring Mom and me closer together. Whenever he was in a foul mood, which was most of the time, Mom was always there to put herself between us. His tantrums usually ended with him swearing at both of us and driving off to the tavern while Mom apologized and comforted me. She never apologized for him, only for herself. She seemed to believe that regardless of who did what it was always somehow her actions that invited the altercation. It never made much sense to me, but at some point I stopped questioning it and accepted her reasoning and her apologies at face value. I learned quickly enough that her guilt extended to my actions as well. When I got caught stealing or fighting, I knew there would be repercussions. At school, at the police station, and especially under the sting of my father's belt, I understood that there were consequences for my actions. But once all that unpleasantness was out of the way I also knew that Mom would be there with open arms, waiting to assure me that none of it was my fault, that she alone was to blame. She'd kiss and coddle me and do me little favors and promise to make it all up to me. The way she doted on me only seemed to deepen Dad's disgust and resentment, and by the time I was old enough to leave home an iciness had developed in his relationship with us that had left him a virtual boarder in his own home. When he died of a heart attack one night while working very late at the office, it didn't surprise anyone that the person to call 9-1-1 was his 26-year-old secretary. Mom hadn't known about the affair, but as with all things she blamed herself for it. I had long since stopped trying to disabuse her of such notions. Her own feelings of guilt were the prism through which she viewed the world, and while it wasn't ideal it was at least something sturdy to hold onto. I certainly had no alternative to offer her. Dad hadn't bothered to set aside anything for a family for which he felt such disdain. He had no life insurance or savings, but as his widow Mom was entitled to the small pension that would have been his. It wasn't enough to live on in the old house, but Mom didn't need all that space anyway. So a few weeks after the funeral I took a week off from my job and drove over to help her find an apartment. After looking at several mold-infested hovels we found the old hospital apartments. The rooms were clean and well-lit and the neighbors were quiet. Mom and I spent the next couple of days packing up her belongings at the house. She was sad to part with any of the furniture, and I had to keep reminding her how small the new apartment was. It took longer than I thought it would and the entire ordeal was becoming annoying. At one point I grumbled at her for wanting to take the couch and the recliner. "They won't both fit," I snapped. "You'll have to decide which you want more." "The couch," she said, after a moment's hesitation. She gave me a conciliatory look and stood a little closer to me. "I'm sorry you had to take time off work," she said with a weak smile. "I should have just taken care of this stuff my self." "You couldn't have done this yourself," I said, continuing to unload one of the bookshelves into a box. "I know. I should have hired some movers to take care of this part, though," she said, rubbing my back timidly with her left hand. I laughed and shook my head. "Give me a break. Like you could afford that right now." She kept rubbing back lightly, with both hands now. "No, I know. I'm sorry. I don't think sometimes. You shouldn't have to be dealing with me right now." "Let's just get done, ok? We only have the truck for tomorrow, and I want to get everything in one trip." "Sorry," she said in a quiet voice, and went back to packing. We spend the next day packing everything into a rental truck and unloading it at the new place. Mom is overweight and not very strong and could only help with the lighter things. The furniture I had to manage by myself, with only the hand truck that came with the rental. We finished early in the evening, though quite a few boxes remained to be unpacked. Mom insisted she could do those herself and I didn't argue. While I relaxed on the sofa and watched a baseball game on TV she unpacked enough of the kitchen boxes to make us dinner. Nothing fancy, just spaghetti, but it hit the spot after all that lifting. "I really should have gone to the store and bought something for a bigger dinner. You deserve more after all your work today," she said as she cleared the table. I didn't argue. After dinner I finished watching the game and fell asleep on the couch. I woke a few hours later feeling groggy and on edge. I hadn't meant to drift off. From down the hall I heard the sound of the shower running. It turned off as I stood up and checked my watch. It was after 9:00. "Oh, you're awake," said Mom suddenly appearing in a knee-length robe. Water was still dripping down her large chubby legs, and she hadn't bothered to close the robe fully enough to conceal the cleavage between her big, sagging boobs. Her hair was up in a towel, and without any makeup on she looked noticeably older than her 48 years. "Yeah, why did you let me sleep for so long? We missed getting the rental truck back," I said sharply. Her face fell and her eyes went down to her feet. "I'm sorry. You just seemed so exhausted. Besides, you can sleep here tonight. You're too tired to go anywhere now." "I don't think so. This couch has already broken my back enough times today, I'm not going to give it the satisfaction," I said, rubbing the ache in my lower back. "That's all right honey, you can take my bed. I'll sleep out here." "Your back is worse than mine." "I know. God, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." "Yeah," I said, and her face flushed and she stared at the floor again. With that pouty, guilty expression, her cheeks still red from the shower, she looked like an overgrown child. I started to look around for my jacket when she came out with: "It's a big bed. Just sleep in there with me. There's plenty of room." She gave me a big hopeful smile, and though I wanted to argue I couldn't. I was beat. After the nap, my muscles were aching so much the last thing I wanted was to drive across town to my hotel. She made up the bed while I took a quick shower. I didn't have any clothes to change into so she lent me her robe once she'd put her nightgown on. As I got into bed she thanked me again and apologized once more for all the trouble she had caused. She went on for a couple minutes like that until I couldn't stand anymore. "I know, I know, you're sorry," I said, cutting her off mid-sentence. "You want to make it up to me right now? Please shut up and let me sleep. I'm sore and I'm tired." I rolled over and faced the wall. "Oh, ok," she said in a tiny, embarrassed whisper. I felt bad for being so abrupt so I reached back and patted whatever part I came in contact with first. I think it was her stomach. "It's all right. It's been a long day. Just get some sleep," I said. It seemed to ease the embarrassment, if not the guilt, and I could feel her roll over and face the other wall. "Good night," she whispered. My dreams that night were fleeting and wild. Mom and Dad were back in the old house, only they were happy -- it was like an episode of the Donna Reed Show, if Donna Reed was fat. I was there, too, a toe-headed kid with freckles and a cowboy hat. Then suddenly the house opened up into an enormous outdoor arena, kind of like the Roman coliseum. I was alone in the stands, and Mom and Dad were sitting higher up in the emperor's box. They descended smiling to the track together where some young men were waiting to fit Mom with a saddle. She smiled to the crowd and then to Dad as she got down on all fours and let them buckle it to her back, and she kept smiling as Dad dropped his long robe and climbed into the saddle. Slapping her hind quarters with his scepter he rode her in little circles on the track. It was like a bull ride, if both rider and bull were on sedatives. After a couple of minutes he put his hand over his eyes to shield the sun and looked up in my direction. With his scepter he beckoned me, and I quickly made my way down to the track. He had dismounted from his steed, and Mom, whose face had been all radiant smiles, suddenly looked afraid. "Your turn," said Dad, handing me the reins, but not the scepter. He stood back and watched intently as I threw my leg over her and sat down in the saddle. Mom's head was drooping by this time, and I wasn't sure what to do until Dad stepped behind and struck her smartly on the rump with the scepter. She lurched off at a steady pace, and the crowd watched silently as she gradually picked up speed. With a few flicks of the reins she was eventually galloping just as she had for Dad, and the cowboy hat flew off my head. Her breathing was becoming labored and she glanced back at me every now and then, her face flushed and her mouth wide open. I shut my eyes and just enjoyed the sensation she was giving me. "I'm sorry," she whimpered. I smiled and held the reins a little more tightly, and our pace picked up a bit more. "I'm so sorry, honey," she said. "Unggh, god, honey, I'm so sorry." The words echoed in my brain as our pace continued to quicken. We weren't going in little circles anymore but were heading off at a fast run, leaving Dad and the stable boys far behind. As Mom continued to grunt and apologize underneath me, I smiled blissfully, enjoying a feeling of freedom and power I'd never experienced before. When I opened my eyes again the crowd and the stadium were gone. Mom was still on her hands and knees under me, but it was dark, and her pink night gown was hiked up around her shoulders. One of my hands had a tight grip on her fleshy left hip and the other had a fistful of her long hair. I couldn't believe my eyes when I realized my hips were slapping roughly into her large round ass and my cock was plunging in and out of her pussy, glistening in the tiny bit of light that leaked through the slit in the curtains. "I'm sorry, honey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, uuhhnnngghhhh gaawwdd, I'm so sorry," she whimpered. I didn't know what to do, but I didn't stop, and I didn't let go of her hair. I was tugging so hard on it her face was pulled almost straight up to the ceiling. "Oowww, uhhhh, honey, please," she whined, and I slackened my grip to let her head fall back. "Fuck!" I shouted as I continued to pound her big puffy pussy. It was the first thing I could recall saying since the dream started. She must have taken it as a sign of anger because another round of apologies ensued. She wasn't far from the mark. I couldn't imagine how this had started or why she had let it go so far. Maybe she had been dreaming too? However we had gotten here, we were here, and I was racing toward my climax with no intention of stopping. "Fuck you, Ooooohhh god, fuck you," I said. I lifted the hand that was gripping her hair and slapped it down hard on her left cheek. She yelped at the contact and dropped from her hands down to her elbows, shoving her ass a little higher in the process. "I'm sorry, honey, I know, I know, fuck meee, fuck meeeee," she said in a high, almost sing-song voice. "Shut up," I said in a low growl. "It'll be your fault if the neighbors hear us, so shut the fuck up." "My fault, uuhhnnnggh I know, my fault, my fault," she panted, with her face mostly buried in the quilt. I reached under her and took both of her big boobs in my hands, squeezing them harshly and pinching the nipples between my knuckles. "That's right, you whore. UUhhhggh, Fuck! You think I wanted this, you fat whore? I go to sleep dead tired and I wake up fucking you? How'd you manage that?" "I don't know," she cried. "OOhhh, gaawwd, I promise I don't know. I was asleep, too, UUhhhnggh, and then you were on top of me. Uuuhhnngg, Uuuooohh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, honey. I'll fix it. I promise it won't happen again." I laughed and squeezed her big tits hard. "You can't fix this," I said feeling an orgasm about to hit. "OHH FUCK, UUHHGH GOD YOU LITTLE WHORE!! I'M CUMMING, OOOHHHHHHH GOD, I'M CUMMING INSIDE YOU, YOU WHORE!! FUCK, I'M CUMMING IN MY MOTHER'S FAT PUSSY, AND NOTHING CAN FIX THAT, YOU WHORE!! As jets of my semen splashed over her pussy walls and my accusations flooded her ears Mom's body was racked by her own orgasm, and all she could manage were squealing little apologies screamed into the quilt. When we were both spent I let my arms and legs give out and collapsed on top of her cushy form with my hands pinned underneath her, still gripping her enormous boobs. When my breathing returned to normal I lay for a long time listening to her high-pitched little whimpers, still muffled by the quilt. I gave her boobs a rough squeeze and she finally stopped. We didn't say anything more to each other that night, but fell asleep like that with me on top of her. When I woke in the morning we were still in the same position, only the cum between our legs had dried, and my cock was hard again. To be continued... Guilt Ch. 02 When I woke, I lay there on top of Mom's cushy backside for a long time without moving or speaking. I wasn't sure of anything right then. What time it was. When I had fallen asleep again. How long we had fucked. How it had started. Or how I had managed to enjoy it so much. As I lay there breathing in the old, familiar smell of my mother's body it was that last one that stumped me the most. I couldn't remember feeling even the slightest twinge of sexual attraction to her when I was growing up. She smothered me with affection, sure, but it had been such a subservient and apologetic kind of attention that to be honest, by the time I was a teenager, I was beginning to understand why Dad loathed her so. In some ways I enjoyed having a mother who never criticized and who was always ready to cushion my fall by blaming herself for my every misstep. But then it's hard to have much respect for someone who's so eager to demean herself before you. There were times when I screwed up on purpose, blatantly and inexcusably, just to see if she'd come to her senses and give me what I deserved. But I quickly learned that she was incapable of judging anyone but herself, and fucking up only served to punish her. And I didn't want to punish her. At least I thought I didn't. At some point while I was thinking about all of this I realized that I was no longer lying motionless on top of her, but had begun to slowly slide my fully erect cock back and forth along her slit. Her pussy was getting wet again and had pretty well lubed up my rod when I felt her stir under me and whisper, "Oh. Oh God." As soon as I realized she was awake I stopped, more out of curiosity than anything. She didn't say anything else at first and neither did I. I could feel her breathing growing heavier as the memory of last night came back to her and the gravity of our present predicament hit her. I gave my cock, which had stopped with the head right at her opening, a little twitch. She jumped slightly, but with my full weight holding her down she couldn't go anywhere. "Honey no," she said. It was the first time in my life I had heard her utter that word to me. I didn't like it. "What was that?" I said, and I eased the head of my cock into her. She grunted hard and dropped her head back down on the blanket with an anguished look on her face as I pushed my shaft the rest of the way into her. "How?" she said as I slowly withdrew it, then "UUuhhgh, how?" as I thrust it back in. "What do you mean 'how'?" I said, but she didn't answer right away. I kept up that rhythm for a few minutes, slowly pulling my cock out and slamming it back in, eliciting a little cry and a "How?" each time. Finally I pulled myself up behind her, and gripping her fat hips I started to fuck her harder. "UUUoohh, UUohhh, OOHHhh, GAAAWWD! HOW?!" she cried. "I'M YOUR MOTHER! HOW CAN I DO THIS?" "You know how," I panted, pulling her harder onto my cock. As if in answer, she lifted herself up onto her elbows and pulled her knees slightly closer together, raising her ass up to meet my hips, which were by now pounding into her. She didn't say anything else, but closed her eyes and let her head bob open-mouthed as I started to fuck her with abandon. I let completely loose, even more than I had in the middle of the night, slapping her ass and moving my hands up and down her sides and shoulders and down to her huge, swaying boobs. She didn't make any more complaints or objections, and I could even feel her pushing back against my thrusts. I don't know how Dad used to fuck her, but from the look on her face and the way her pussy was gripping my cock I guessed we were pretty close. After about ten minutes I felt an orgasm suddenly approaching and I eased off. I pulled my cock out of her and reached down with one hand and slid it back and forth over her slit, pushing hard on her clit each time. She moaned uncontrollably as I moved my fingers around in little circles over her button. When it seemed like she was getting close to cumming I grabbed her left hip with both hands and flipped her over. She grunted as she landed on her back with her legs spread open wide and her feet planted next to the edge of the bed. Her eyes became enormous as I quickly got off the bed and dropped to my knees between her legs. She barely had a chance to gasp as I dropped my face into the large patch of dark hair covering her pussy. She pulled her knees together and reach down and grabbed me by the hair, pulling me away from her drenched pussy. "Honey, no, please!" she said. "What did you say to me?" I said sharply, grabbing her by the wrist. She immediately let go of my hair, but she kept her legs closed. "You're my son, you can't," she pleaded. "Not down there. Not with your mouth. Please." "Spread your legs," I said with a stony, menacing stare, and her resistance went limp. Her knees fell apart and her hands went to her face, covering it in shame. As my mouth covered her fat pussy and I began licking and sucking on her clit, her lungs sucked in air as if water had been thrown on her. Her moans became louder and higher as I devoured her clit and her wet, swollen lips. "OOHHHH GAWWWWDD, MY SON, MY SON," she groaned. "OOOHH PLEASE, HONEY, YOU'RE -- OH, GOD, OH, GOD. YOU'RE MY SON." After a few minutes of having her cunt lapped her hands came away from her face and she put them on my head again. Her pelvis started to buck up into my face as my lips clamped down on her pussy and I worked my tongue furiously on her clit. "NO, OH GAAWWD, HONEY, YOU CAN'T. OH GOD, NO HONEY, NO, YOU'RE MAKING ME -- UUHHHNGGH, HONEY, YOU CAN'T, YOU'RE MAKING ME CUM! OH GAAWWWD, YOU'RE MY SON, YOU'RE MAKING ME CUM! HONEY YOU'RE MAKING ME CUM!" Her heels dug into the muscles in my back as I sucked her clit furiously into mouth. While the waves of her orgasm were still subsiding I pulled my face away from her cunt and got to my feet. I took one of her ankles in each hand and stepped up between her legs again, shoving my cock all the way in. She looked incredibly hot like that, with her big heavy legs held apart and looking up at me with wide eyes that were drowning in ecstasy. "Oh, god honey, I'm your mother," she said, but no longer plaintively or with anguish. "Is that what you are?" I said, looking her straight in the eye as I plunged my cock in and out with slow, powerful strokes. "I'm your mother," she whined, but again there was no complaint in her voice. "I don't think so," I said, still not breaking eye contact. "I'm your mother, honey, oh god, I'm your mother. OOOhhh, your mother." "You're my what? I said, picking up my pace a little. UHHngh, honey, I'm your mother. Oh god, baby, I'm your mother." "My what?" "UUUHHNNNGH, I'M YOUR MOTHER, HONEY." "What are you?" "OOHH HONEY! I'M YOUR MOTHER! OH, GOD, YOUR MOTHER, HONEY, UUUHHNNNGH, YOUR MOMMY." "WHAT ARE YOU?" "OOHHHH, GOD HONEY, I'M -- I'M YOUR WHORE! I'M YOUR WHORE, BABY! OH GOD, HONEY, YOUR MOMMY'S YOUR WHORE!" "That's right, baby," I said, smiling at how nasty she'd become. "You're my woman now, aren't you? You're my little whore, aren't you Momma? That's right, you're my fat little whore!" I hoisted her legs onto my shoulders and leaned forward, taking her huge boobs in my hands again. My hips were slamming loudly into her ass by this time and with her big body being jolted so violently atop it I thought the old bed might collapse. She was staring at me with narrowed eyes and her mouth was open, baring her teeth like an animal. "OOOOHH GAAAWWWWD YES, I'M YOUR WHORE, HONEY. I'VE ALWAYS BELONGED TO YOU, HONEY. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN YOUR WHORE. MAKE MOMMA YOUR OWN LITTLE WHORE FOREVER!" Hearing her talk to me like that pushed me over the edge, and with a series of savage thrusts I came inside her. I don't know if she came again, but by the time I let her legs fall from my shoulders and I dropped panting on top of her she looked just as spent as I was. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked into her eyes. The uncritical adoration and abject obedience I saw in them no longer repelled me, and I realized that she was right: she had always belonged to me. "Roll over," I told her, wanting to make sure. I took a step back and without a word she rolled over onto her stomach, putting her feet on the floor so that she was bending over the edge of the bed. I was amazed. The site of her big chubby ass and legs -- a site that not twelve hours earlier had made my stomach turn -- now set my mind on fire with lust. My cock was already painfully hard again, and as I stepped forward and once more took ahold of her wide hips, I slowly spread her cheeks and pushed the tip firmly into her little pink asshole. "Oh, God, honey," she said, as I slid an inch at a time into her tight, fiery hole, but she made no attempt to pull away, only gripping the quilt in both hands and arching her back to give me even more of her ample ass. She was absolutely right, I said to myself again as I planted my staff deep inside her: this had always belonged to me. The revulsion I had felt for so long was only there because I hadn't claimed her yet, hadn't really made her mine. And now that I had, I wasn't going to waste another moment. Guilt Ch. 02 Janet stopped and stared at her husband Dave. For a moment she thought he was going to strike her, it was something he had never done but the thought passed her mind briefly. The look in his eyes was intense, he had both hands on her shoulders, holding her back slightly. She saw the mixture of anger, but there was something else. _ All the way home Janet had been torn with how to tell Dave the truth, how to explain what she had done. The thought of blaming her period of depression, her decision to not take the medication the physician had prescribed crossed her mind. She just could not, the decision had been her own. When the tall man named Randy had asked her for a dance that time more than a year earlier, then begun his rather obvious attempts at seduction, even now she had no idea of why she had not just cut him short. The man was quite skilled at it though, every comment, every single mannerism, every tip of the head and every touch was blended to perfection with one goal in mind. She knew that from the outset, and had responded anyway. Even from those totally innocent very first dances, she had responded mildly, his comments made her feel warm and happy. But he had gotten exactly nowhere that time. When Randy had walked her back to their table, Dave was sitting there looking at her with a smile. Dave had never even really noticed the man, he had instead watched his wife and how beautiful she looked out on the dance floor. She was smiling and laughing, her motions graceful, just seeing her like that had excited him, it always did. His expression was enough, she recognized that. She had felt her loins flush. Forgotten instantly was the man she had danced with, she was flooded with love for her husband. She and Dave left quickly, barely made it to the car. They had made love there in the parking lot in the back seat, hidden in the darkness, delighting in each other, in the nearly obscene naughtiness of the moment. The condom was forgotten. Then nine months later little Sarah was born, the result of a beautiful moment between lovers, mates. Sarah was a completely unintentional but welcome child. All the plans they had so carefully made, all of the things they wanted to do, to see? So close before, now those were set aside, little Sarah was their world now and took all of their attention. But that horrible mood swung over her mind again, like a bank of darkened clouds sweeping in off the ocean. Running into Randy the second time had been pure chance, it had been over a year, and she had never even thought of him. He had been a man she had danced with, that was all. She left the class reunion early, feeling all alone without her husband there, stopped on impulse at the night club that she and Dave went to sometimes. Her only intention was to sit and think, sip a drink. She knew she had been neglecting her husband and family, and wanted a solution. But the dark clouds hung over her and seemed to stay there. That Friday before, Dave had planned to take her out for a fancy dinner, some dancing. Janet loved that, she loved to dress up in pretty conservative outfits, and have her husband twirl her across the floor. Saturday, the next evening was her class reunion, Janet had looked forward to that for weeks. She would get to show off her fine man to all of the people she had gone to school with. She had been a bit of a wall flower in high school, not overlooked really but often looked past? Now she was married to a fine handsome man. Successful, with three beautiful children. Her life was perfect, except for the periods following each one's arrival. After the first two she had struggled with that for a few weeks, then it had all passed. This time it had gone on and on for months, until finally she and Dave had gone to see the Doctor. He had a name for it, Postpartum depression he called it. Medicine, pills, was what he had prescribed. Those helped some but made her feel dull. She had decided to quit taking them, and just tough it out until she felt better on her own. In the long decade and a half of marriage, and the idea of having an affair had never really crossed her mind. Of course she had met other men, and she found some interesting, attractive. She knew her husband Dave also found some other women attractive too, things like that just did not bother her one bit. That was all normal. Perfectly normal. When Randy stepped up to her to say hello, she was happy to see him, she remembered him, the brief dances. Sitting all alone, engrossed in her own thoughts was not helping. She waved towards the seat next to her when he asked if he could join her. He was very polite, and he managed to make her laugh. It felt good to laugh. They had a nice long visit, all perfectly innocent, he even bought her several drinks. He did ask for her phone number, and not thinking Janet gave it to him, her thought was simply that they might chat some more if he called. Then Janet went home, she was wondering about her husband Dave and when he would be back. She was missing him terribly, the bed felt enormous without his comforting weight by her side. Dave was good about calling, she sat and waited by the phone the next day, willing it to ring. It was the high point of her day now when she could hear his voice. He finally did, they had a very long chat. Janet did notice he never asked about how the class reunion went, she found that odd since he knew it was important to her. Randy called the next day, they had a long telephone visit. That was also fun, she told him all about how her husband was out of town working on an important job for his company and that he would probably be home by Tuesday. Then came the call from Dave, telling her he was heading to Dallas. That made her miserable again. She was almost crying when Randy called later, he asked her if she would like to share a meal with him the next evening, so she thought "Why not?" She figured Dave wouldn't mind, he knew she could be trusted and it was just going to be dinner with a friend. She called her Mom to take the kids, of course her Mother delighted in that. She left her cell phone on all the time that next day and evening, expecting Dave to call. The telephone was her last remaining thread to her reality. She even thought of calling him, but she knew he might be underneath some huge machine and didn't want to distract him. It was still on when Randy stopped by to pick her up. It was all very nice, and another good time. They danced more after the meal, Janet noticed that Randy held her a bit closer, his strong warm body felt good. She allowed it, unconcerned. It was innocent, just dancing. Later in the evening, Randy asked her if she would like to see his apartment since he needed to stop and check his emails. She agreed, knowing even then the likely thoughts in Randy's mind. There was no real intent in her own, though. He had been a perfect gentleman, she figured that a simple NO would suffice should he make any real advances. Just check his emails, then he would take her home. But her home was empty, no one there. She didn't want to be home all alone. In the apartment, Randy checked his computer, then turned to her with a smile. He leaned down and lightly kissed her. She allowed that, next he was touching her. It wasn't an intimate touch, he rested his hands gently on her hips, then stroked her back mildly as they hugged. "Thank you for joining me for dinner." He smiled. Then he kissed her again, his lips puckered. Janet allowed that also, even puckered her lips back but she didn't really know quite why. Finally she disengaged and walked over to where she had set her purse. She reached into her purse and picked up her cell phone, there were no messages. She started to push the button to call Dave. She held it in her hand for a moment, then turned it off, mildly upset. She turned back to Randy, he took her into his arms. Everything was like watching a film after that, she felt her clothing being removed and did not resist. Then she felt his hands working at the top edge of her panty, she lifted her hips to assist him as he stripped them down and off. Somehow she was pressed back onto the bed on top of the covers. The room was darkened, the unfamiliar body close to her was long and muscular. One hand first fondled her bare breast, then it slid downward and cupped her between her legs. Janet realized that Randy was completely naked also, she had no idea of when or how he had undressed. He reached down and pressed gently on her left knee, she did not resist as he pressed her open. She felt his weight shift upwards, then he was on top of her. One hand slid down, fingers pressed at her, opening her body. "You are so beautiful!" He said, as he entered her. "You aren't Dave!" Screamed suddenly into her mind as she felt his penis invade her. She wanted to resist, push him back off of herself but she didn't. Her body gave up to the sensations quickly, she began to respond. Janet lost complete track of where she was and who she was with as her first orgasm flooded her body. Randy didn't stop, she felt it all building again. His endurance was amazing, his erection inside her felt odd somehow, there was something about it she couldn't quite place. Finally, after what felt like hours but could only have been a few minutes she felt him release inside her, that caused her to spasm in a way unfamiliar to her. Her head spun, she never felt him withdraw. The next morning was almost a shock, she looked at Randy lying there, his face rugged, relaxed in sleep. It wasn't a dream, it was real. She sat upright on the edge of the bed and stared at him for a long time. He woke up a few minutes later, smiled at her. Janet realized she was naked, so she quickly pulled the covers up over herself. Randy got up and stretched, completely nude and unconcerned, she felt herself blush but unable to look away. His stomach rippled, his long penis hung down, surrounded by a large mass of black pubic hair. She noticed it was slender, circumcised, the head was twice the size of the shaft. She had never seen one like that before, but then the only other male privates she had seen had been in pictures and one time in high school. That time the boy had climaxed all over her before he even got it in, otherwise Janet might not have been a virgin when she and Dave married. Randy was so different from her husband's much heavier body and uncut member. Dave's was just as long but more than twice as thick. She looked more closely, the head of Randy's penis was as big as a large Plum, she remembered the different sensation that had caused. Randy simply stood there, like he was basking in her inspection. He was grinning, then he started to erect, which caused her to look quickly away, suddenly even more uncomfortable. "Shower?" He asked her, holding out his hand. She meekly took it, standing up fully naked in front of him again. It didn't make her feel bashful or shy. The shower was far too small for two, so they took turns. Randy was so relaxed about being completely naked that she forgot her own modesty. After drying off, he sat and watched her get dressed. In the car, she reached into her purse and checked her cell phone for a message. There wasn't any. She hopped out of the car when they got to her house. "See you tonight?" Randy asked her. "No. We can't. I shouldn't have...." "I will give you a call." Randy told her, starting the car and driving away. Inside, Janet called her Mother, asking her to keep the kids for a few days more. "Are you all right, honey?" Her mother asked. "Yes, I am fine, I just need some peace and quiet." Then she sat by the phone and waited. By evening, she was beginning to worry. Dave was down in Dallas, she knew he was very busy but why hadn't he called? When would he be home? When the phone finally rang, it was Randy. He sounded happy, normal. At first she was reserved, but then it was like nothing had really happened between them, very quickly he once again had her laughing. Finally he asked her if she would like to take in a movie, her first thought was to tell him no. But then she agreed, he said he would be right over. She pushed the button shutting off her cell phone. The affair was a whirlwind, time flew by. There were several episodes of lovemaking until a couple of days later she woke up in his bed. Looking over at Randy lying there, she realized she did not belong there. Slipping into the shower, Janet ran the water as hot as she could stand, scrubbing herself until the water began to run cold. Randy was sitting in a chair talking to someone when she came out wrapped in a towel. He watched her as she dressed, she heard half the conversation. "Another day or so, then I will be home." He said to someone. "I love you too, honey." Then he hung up, grinning at her. "You are married?" She asked him. "So are you." He smiled. Janet picked up her purse and walked out the door, for some crazy reason she felt indignant at that. "Hey, want me to give you a ride home?" Randy called out from the doorway as she walked away. Janet didn't respond, didn't look back. "Suit yourself!" He called out, then shut the door. She suddenly felt dirty. She walked for nearly a mile before she managed to flag a cab. In the taxi, she scanned her messages. Dave had called several times, his voice was sounding very concerned towards the last. The last message had said he was finished, and would be booking a flight. She willed the cab to go faster, to get her home, back to her life. A drop of moisture fell onto the phone in her hand, she realized she was quietly crying. She planned on calling him the instant she got to the house, to find out when he would get home. She needed Dave home desperately. Dave was sitting in his chair when she opened the door. One look at the expression on his face and she knew that he was aware that something was wrong. The words came out of her in a torrent, she had to tell him. She had to. If he would only yell, scream, threaten her, perhaps even hit her? She was hoping he would, hoping he would punish her like somehow that would make it all right? She tried to reach out and hold him. Dave put his hands on her shoulders, pushed her away from him slightly, his strong hands holding her there. "I have something to tell you." He said. She saw the expression, it was hurt but something else? Confused, she waited as he struggled to find words. "I...when I was in Dallas..working on the job?" He hesitated for a very long time. "I got sidetracked, and didn't call. Things got...hectic. I should have, I know you have been struggling with your...But why? You go off and jump into the sack with some guy the minute I am out of sight?" "Honey, I didn't mean..it wasn't like that..I didn't plan on anything, I just did. Randy was...." "Shut up! I don't want to hear any more of that. We will get you to the Doctor, maybe some different medications." "Dave, I don't need different medicine, I need you! I needed you, to be here. I need our kids, all of us." "And how are our kids?" He asked, sarcasm in his voice. "Fine, they are over at Mom's, that is always like a party to them." "Good. Will you go pick them up in the morning, bring them home? I have to go in to the office, I have reports to do." Dave was still holding her at arm's length, he relaxed and pulled her close to him. She began to sob. The moment, the one he had planned, rehearsed? It had passed. Now he felt sick inside, but he realized Janet was an emotional basket case. His instinct to get up and walk away was overwhelmed by his instinct to try and comfort her. They sat like that for awhile, then Dave went in and made some coffee. He sat down in his chair and clicked on a TV show. Janet went into the kitchen to fix some snacks. She brought them out, they ate in silence. "These are good." He said once, but that was it. That evening, they went to bed. Janet undressed in the bathroom, thinking she would wear the short pink nightgown she knew Dave liked so much. She looked at herself naked in the mirror, there was no sign at all on her that she could see. Then she slid on the nightgown. She had to steel herself to do it, she was unsure of his reaction. He was sitting up in the bed when she came out. "I suppose he saw you in that?" Dave asked when she opened the door. "No! I didn't...he was never here." She protested. Dave just nodded, turned out the light as soon as she slipped into bed. Then he turned his back. Janet lay there, listening to his breathing change to soft snores. The next morning, Dave was in the shower when she woke up. He came out fully dressed, that was different. Then he told her "bye" and left for his office. The usual kiss goodbye was noticeably absent. Janet got up, took her own shower, then she got dressed and took the car to retrieve the kids. "Hi, honey! Is everything OK?" Her Mom asked the moment she arrived. "Yes, fine." Her Mother took one look at her and told her to come into the kitchen. "I think you need to talk to me, honey. I can see something has you upset." She poured some Tea, sat down. Janet could see the two older kids out in the yard playing, little Sarah was sound asleep in the living room. Janet blurted out the whole story as her Mom sat there quietly and listened. "You told Dave the whole thing?" "Yes, most of it." "Honey, that is a very hard thing for most men to take, you have an uphill battle now to save things." "I know. If Dave had just yelled or hit me or something...But he didn't." "I don't think that man of yours ever could hit you, in fact I have never even seen him get upset." "No. He is my whole world, I really screwed up, didn't I?" "Yes, you did. Sometimes it is for the best to hope that they never know." Her Mom got a far away look in her eyes. "Mom? What?" Janet knew the answer as soon as she asked it. "Yes, honey. Things happen. When your Dad was in the service and I was all alone for so long, I met a man. You were just a baby, everything became too much. I knew it was wrong, but...." Her voice trailed off. "What did tell Dad?" Janet was somewhat shocked at that. "I never told him, even when he passed away, he never knew about that." "Did Dad ever..?" "I don't know, if he did he never told me either. Some things are best left alone." Janet saw the tears in her mother's eyes. "I couldn't carry that, I couldn't deal with lying about it." Janet told her. "I couldn't either, not very well. I must have tried a hundred times, I just never could bring myself to tell him. It would have hurt him and threatened our marriage. I couldn't allow that, I had you to think about. I loved your Father more than anything in the world." "He never even suspected?" "If he ever did, he never let it show. I don't even know myself why I had that affair, it just happened. That was the only time, I stayed completely true to him from then on." "I already told Dave. Now what do I do?" "Honey, you just be the best and most faithful wife possible...and hope. You need to build up his own self esteem, let him have his pride back. That is a very good man you have there, don't you dare give up. One thing I am sure of, that man of yours is completely faithful, he will never cheat on you." "Yes, I know. That is why I feel so terrible." "Your worry now is not that he might cheat, he just might end up being some other woman's man." "I will die if that happens." "Go home and be normal, love him, do anything you can think of to please him. If I know that man like I think I do, you have a good chance. If you stay honest, he will respond. He really is in love with you. I am serious, honey. You could spend the rest of your life looking for one like Dave and never find him." Guilt Ch. 02 "I know." She gave her Mother a hug, then called out the door to the kids. They came running, one on each side hugging her. Janet loaded up the kids and went home. Once everyone was settled, she went in and took every piece of clothing she had worn around Randy and stuffed them into a bag, dragged them out to the trash pickup. She stripped her purse, got out her spare and threw the purse into the trash too. Then she made a nice dinner. Dave got home right on time. "Hi, Honey!" She said, trying her best to be normal as possible. "Hi." He said, kissing her lightly on the cheek and heading in to his chair with the newspaper. That was normal, so completely normal. It gave her hope. That night Dave once again was sitting up in bed when she came out of the bathroom. This time she was completely nude. "I suppose he saw you like that, too?" He barked. Janet felt herself getting angry, her plans at seduction, sweet lovemaking went right out the window. "Yes! He did! I told you. I told you I am sorry, I scrubbed myself to the point that nothing remains of him, besides, he wasn't even half the man you are!" Dave looked up in surprise at her outburst. "He wasn't?" "No, he is a 30 second wonder, and you are easily twice as big as he is." "Then why did you...?" Dave asked, setting down his book. "I told you, I don't know. Not taking the damn medicine, the drinks? Feeling lonely? I don't have any idea of why. I do know I belong with you." Dave held out his arms, Janet practically leaped into them. They cuddled for a long time, she rubbed up against him and pressed her naked breasts to his face. She reached down with both hands and fondled him, there were the beginnings of a reaction. "I suppose you did this to him, too?" Dave asked. "Yea, but I didn't have to use both hands!" She giggled. Then she slid under the covers. "I didn't do this to him either." She said, sliding his now firming erection into her mouth, using her tongue to slide his foreskin back. So different than with Randy, the bare large bulb of the end of his erection had slipped easily between her lips as he had lapped at her soft fully waxed vagina, causing her body to convulse over and over. The mixture of fantasy and guilt overwhelmed her, Janet felt her body let go into a long powerful climax as she sucked on her husband. She reached up with both hands, took each nipple in her fingers and rolled them lightly, getting rewarded with a gasp. She took her time, moving as slowly as she could, savoring the delightful sensation. When his body erupted, she didn't stop. Always before, she had pulled off and used her hands, this time she just kept on. She felt his hands come down and press against the bed, lifting his hips into her. A powerful sensation of love poured over her, it was blinding. She wanted him inside her, deeper, as she felt his erection convulse. Dave lay there amazed, it was only the second time in his entire life that a woman had sucked him off completely. His mind flashed to the memory of Carla, down in Dallas. The back of her head bobbing up and down, his erection nearly completely down her throat. He had heard of that but always assumed it was impossible, now he knew for a fact it wasn't. Dave was still hard when he rolled her over onto her back, and slid himself inside. She was fully wet and ready, there was no resistance at all. Her knees were pulled as high as she could get them, he saw the brief vision of her hairless pussy, swollen and gaping open, ready for him. He plunged into her, feeling their pubic bones meet and grind against each other. It was almost like their very first time, their wedding night had culminated in an urgency just like this. He felt himself being overwhelmed with the sensations of love for his wife. That was when he made up his mind. They were going to be all right. His anger at her infidelity left him, yet he knew he had his own guilt remaining. Dave had been tormented with the guilt, that brief affair in Dallas had been something he had never thought could ever happen. He had never even considered it as something that he could do. He had a wife, and he was happy with her most of the time. He had struggled with himself on how to tell her, how to explain? Now, with his fine woman that he loved completely thrusting at him in pleasure, moaning and happy? This is what he wanted, his family, his wife, the life they led together. He knew what he had to do. He would take his own secret to his grave. Some things are best left unsaid. Guilt Ch. 03 For several weeks after his wife Janet confessed to her affair, Dave did his very best to be as normal as possible. But each day he woke up with the incident of his own down in Dallas on his mind. "Incident?" What a poor word to fit the situation. A married man, out of town, in love with his own long term wife finds himself involved in a brief but steamy sexual encounter with a woman that is almost a stranger? That can't be called an incident, really. What it was, was a disaster. His wife Janet, the three kids, the close to perfect relationship and everything they had built together was now threatened by what he had done. If Dave could have just allowed that to slide into the past, fade into something that happened to someone else, perhaps become more like a story than truth, things might have been better. That way no one needed to ever know. That is what he tried to tell himself but he had gotten so very close to a confession anyway. His thoughts were to admit it, try to explain, beg her for her forgiveness. Then Janet had confessed her own indiscretion. In shock at that revelation, Dave opened his mouth to speak but the well rehearsed words would not come. Instead, his reaction had appeared to be almost cold, calm, unconcerned. Wrapped totally in her own fear at what Dave would do, Janet missed what should have been obvious. There was no sign of real upset in her husband's reaction to her blurted confession. That first night she put on the little nightie she knew he liked, and even attempted a sexy pose. She knew that Dave delighted in looking at her, the way his expression would change was a wonderful thing to her. "I suppose that guy saw you like THAT?" He snapped when he saw her. Janet stifled her tears, managed to protest that she had never brought the man home, never. Not in their own bed. The very next evening she came to bed naked, all she got was the same reaction from him. Finally with effort he did make love to her, if that was what it could be called. Dave did snap at her at times, make comments, but other than that he was cold and distant. It was like he was going though the motions of their marriage but not really involved. Janet felt it all coming apart, slipping away. Determined to save the more than a decade and a half of what had been a good and loving relationship, Janet went to see her mother. She managed to blurt out her shame, concerns, her worries. Her Mother's advice was to try to be as normal as possible, love her man, pour all of her energy into being the perfect wife. She also mentioned that it can be best to just let some things fade into a memory, although it was far too late for that. Careful to do her best to not hurt Dave any more than she already had, Janet lied and passed her own affair off as almost nothing when Dave pressed her again for more details. That meant even more lies, but in the constant effort she made to find some buoy of normalcy that they could grasp to, her own period of depression lifted. Telling her husband that Randy was a poor lover and no match for him appeared to help, Dave made love to her, fully firm for the first time in quite awhile. He was overly gentle with her, more so than he even normally was. Janet faked her own orgasm very well. Then she lay there quietly for a very long time, listening to her husband's soft snores. For awhile she had hope, but things did not improve much. She was aching for his light kiss as he left for work, the buss he would place on the tip of her nose when he got home. The way he would always say thank you when she brought him a cup of Tea without being asked? Those simple touches he would give her as he passed by to do something. All of that was normal, done without thought, just signs of love and caring. Most of that was now gone, Janet desperately wanted that all back. Her wonderful life was sorely damaged by her moment of weakness, now compounded by her lies to her man that it was nothing to her. The real truth was that it had been amazing sex, she had felt sensations she didn't know she even could with Randy. So much so that she had felt no will to resist. Her mind had protested no but her body did not that first time. After that, the brief but intense affair became an total orgy of sex. That first time with Randy had been almost accidental. It was certainly an accident that he happened to be there in that bar, when she stopped for a drink, for some peace and quiet with her thoughts. All she knew of the man then was the few dances they had shared more than a full year before, he was good at it, and he made her laugh. Janet felt unloved that night, ignored, all alone. The man was again fun to talk to, fun to talk with, he filled a need. Somehow he had managed to cancel the incredible depression she was engulfed with. She became almost giddy, she felt alive for the first time in a very long time. Randy had teased, with such an easy manner and at the very moment in her life when she needed to laugh. She felt much better when she got home that night, and she even slept very well. When Randy called the next afternoon to ask her if she would like to share a meal with him, she accepted without concern. Janet showered carefully, shaved her legs, even to the point of carefully trimming her pubic hair. The thoughts in her mind were of Dave, she wanted to be sure and look good for him when he got home in a few short days. She thought quite awhile on what to wear for dinner, finally selecting a conservative blouse and skirt. She had tried on a couple of her nicer dresses, but they looked to be a bit too fancy for just having dinner. There was no point in giving Randy the wrong idea, although he had been so polite she wasn't concerned. Randy was just a friend, he happened to be a man but still, that was all it was. It was only a meal, conversation between two people that were becoming friends, totally innocent. They had a few drinks, talked, even danced. Janet loved to dance, and Randy was a fine dancer. There was no groping, nothing out of the ordinary. If he had, that would have ended it right there. It was like Randy knew exactly what to say and do, so she felt completely comfortable with him. Forgotten was her husband, thousands of miles away, busy with his work. There was just the moment, and fun. Randy had proven to be quite expert at techniques of seduction. He did not attempt making a pass, he simply gently steered her mind and emotions, then followed along, placing himself in the right place at the right moment. A few drinks to relax her, a few comments to build up her comfort level and he felt she was ready. He was sure of it when while dancing, she settled against his body and allowed herself to flow with his motions. He knew she could feel the warmth of his body, and he could see that she was basking in his complete attention to her. When it came time for the evening to end and he was ready to take her home, Randy mentioned almost in passing that he was waiting for an important email message about his work. He invited her up to his apartment for a moment while he checked. "It will just take me a moment. Hey, come on up, you can see how I have to live when I am out of town on jobs." He gave her a disarming grin. "Sure." She said, hopping out of the car and following him. She wasn't really even concerned about that, even if he did make a pass at her, she was sure she could handle that with a simple "No!" Besides, she was feeling so good, so happy that she did not want the evening to end just yet, and find herself once again all alone in her own house. Randy showed no signs at all of even doing anything, she was completely relaxed as she went up the stairs with him. Inside, he had lightly kissed her, a quick and simple brush of the lips, brotherly, also completely innocent in her own mind. "It's been a fun evening, thank you for joining me." He told her, looking into her eyes and smiling at her, his hands gentle on her shoulders. He released her and turned to his laptop at the exactly correct moment, before she could even realize that there had been an instant of..something else? "Thank you too, I did enjoy it." She answered, feeling a tiny flutter at the unexpected brush of their lips. Then she opened her phone, expecting that there would be a message from her husband Dave. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her friend Randy check his email on the laptop, then close it. There was no message from Dave, that upset her. She needed that, she needed that thread to sanity. Janet turned back to Randy, expecting him to just take her home. He was standing right there, close. So very close. He reached out for her, she slid into his arms for a quick hug, another brief kiss. At least that is what she told herself as his mouth pressed to hers in what was not an innocent kiss. The word "NO!" formed in her mind, but only a gasp escaped her lips. He held her, his hands splayed up her back. She felt her own arms reach out to encircle him. It felt so good to be held, she thought of being home, alone, and didn't quite want to go. There was a blur of activity, she saw Randy's bare upper body with the shirt he wore now undone and hanging loosely, his chest so muscular and attractive. Pleasure wafted over her, it was all a haze. His lips suckled at her breasts, wrapped around her quickly hardening nipples which were now bare and she was not sure how that even happened. It felt so good, her body shuddered and she knew she should stop this but instead she allowed it. When she felt hands at her hips, tugging at the waistband of her pantie, her loins flooded with moisture. She thought again to stop that, but lifted her hips slightly to assist. The sensations took over, her thought was to allow it just a bit more, then stop him. His mouth pressed to her sex, pleasure flowed over her and there was now no way to stop. She saw the blur of Randy's huge erection, she felt it approach and the large end of it pressed against her. Her body flooded with more wetness, she felt Randy press, then slide fully inside her body. "You aren't Dave!" Her mind screamed, but her hips began to thrust back. The soft and gentle loving touch of her husband Dave was not there, this man was thrusting, pounding at her. She felt a brief stab of pain as his rigid member rammed against her cervix, that faded to unbelievable waves of pleasure as he used his strength to forcefully jam at her womb. She began to lift her hips to meet his thrusts. Then her first orgasm came, it started somewhere deep inside and flowed outward to take total control of her entire body. Someone was crying out, she realized it was herself. The waves began to slow, a feeling of calm came over her, but he was not done. He slowed his strokes, it felt like he was dragging her insides outwards each time he pulled back. Then she began to build again, as she reached the second powerful peak she felt the spurts of his semen as he ejaculated deep inside. Her legs splayed widely as she jammed her pelvis against him, accepting. She could feel his wiry pubic hair against her flesh as his rigid body plunged into her. "Oh my God! How..how did this happen?" She thought, feeling Randy still deeply embedded in her, his strokes now slow, easy. That was the moment that it struck her that there was no condom, nothing between her naked insides and him. There was a brief flash of worry, then she crazily remembered that she had taken her pills. There was another fearful moment as the thought of other possibles crossed her mind, but she remembered him speaking of his wife so she dismissed that. Randy now was still, his sweaty chest pressed against her naked breasts. She felt his penis soften, there was a slight movement of his hips as he tried to stay inside her, then he slipped out. She rolled over onto her side, he back to Randy. He reached out and stroked her side with one hand. After, Janet felt herself overwhelmed by shame. She quickly dressed, her back to Randy as he lay there and watched. Then he stood up, naked, smiling at her. She could not stop herself from looking down at his long penis, the odd shaped overly large head of it hanging there, still half erect. Randy just grinned at her glances, then he dressed and drove her to her house. Once she was back at her home, she tried very hard to convince herself that it was all a dream, it never really happened. She showered in water as hot as she could withstand, then flushed her body over and over inside. Next she sat by the phone and waited for her husband to call. She wanted desperately to cry, but no tears would come. Finally, very late, she went to bed. When the phone rang the next day she grabbed it, expecting it to be her husband. But it was Randy and he asked her out again. She went. She went knowing what would happen. It was like the man had somehow gained complete control of her. How many times did he take her? Janet had no idea, it was at least a half dozen times, all crazy, insane. At one point Randy pressed himself against her anus, no one had ever done that, not even her husband Dave. Somehow he managed to get a good portion of himself inside her there, into her most secret spot, but it hurt too much and she pulled away. Another time later that same afternoon, she sat cross legged and played with Randy's penis. Everything felt odd as she sat surrounded by the strangeness of the room, holding his shaft which was thinner than her husband's. The very head of it was more than twice the diameter of the shaft, she slid her hands up to the base of his large bulbous head and tugged slightly, watching it change to a deeper color each time she did that. Randy lay there quietly with his eyes closed. There was no foreskin so curious, she leaned down and sucked him inside her mouth, something she only very rarely had even done with Dave. Sliding her tongue around the big knob was delightful, so much so that when she felt Randy tense, she sucked even harder, feeling the blasts of his sperm fill her mouth. Her body went into orgasm as Randy filled her mouth with his seed. That short period was a blur of crazy sexual acts, Janet allowed Randy to do almost whatever he wanted to with her body. His hands pressed her breasts together over his erection at one point, she watched in fascination as the big head appeared and then vanished as his thumbs repeatedly brushed her nipples. His large testicles brushed up and back on her chest and abdomen, the sensation was different, mildly tickling from the hair on his testicles. She even expected him to climax and she waited for that, staring at the slit in the end of his penis, but he didn't. Instead he slid down between her wide spread legs, using his fingers to open her vagina and look deep inside. Once again he began to lap at her with his tongue, finally slipping upwards and sliding himself inside her. By then she had completely forgotten her husband, their life, everything. She had just finished drying herself off from a quick shower when his cell phone rang, Janet suddenly realized that Randy was calmly speaking with his own wife as she stood there naked. He had what looked to be a sly smirk on his face as he spoke. That was the moment reality returned. The mannerism he had as he spoke calmly to his wife was almost like a shock to her. He was sitting there naked, in a room with another woman also naked, talking to his mate as if nothing was going on? Overwhelmed again by shame, Janet dressed and hurried out, needing desperately to get away from him. "Suit yourself!" Randy called out after she refused his offer of a ride home. Finally nearly a mile down the road she managed to hail a taxi. She checked her messages on the ride home, there were several of them from Dave. Her mind raged at the taxi to go faster. My God. What was she going to tell Dave, how could she explain that? She had allowed herself to be seduced, no, far more than that. She had done it willingly, she had no excuse. For a moment her thoughts flashed back to how Randy had laid there on his back, his erection jutting upwards. She had squatted on the bed, her legs splayed seeking him with her loins. Finally she had settled down on top of him. How to explain? There really was no way to explain any of it. "You OK, lady?" The can driver asked, looking at her in his mirror. "I'm fine, please hurry." She answered, wiping at a tear streaming down her cheek. Dave was sitting in his chair when she opened the door and walked in. It was a surprise, she had forgotten the time difference. Now she had no way to hide anything, she was trapped. Stopping herself from just leaping onto him, grabbing him for protection, for safety was the hardest thing she ever did. Instead she went and sat on the couch, her hands folded in her lap. Janet sat down and tearfully blurted out what she had done expecting, even hoping he would erupt, call her names in outrage. Perhaps strike her? She waited for that, expected it, wanted him to. Her thoughts screamed out for him to punish her as wet tears streamed down her cheek. Dave sat and listened calmly, he showed almost no reaction at all. __ Over the next couple of days Dave was feeling deep inside that a huge blowup, a terrible fight might have been much better. He very likely would have blown up, except for the fact that he had his own terrible feelings of guilt. He had carefully rehearsed what he was going to say, how he was going to beg for her forgiveness and do anything at all to make it right. He opened his mouth to speak several times, but the shock of what Janet told him deterred him. Instead, he kept that bottled up, and it became a secret, a lie of his own, a lie by not telling it. One does not need to be a good liar when they simply tell the truth. The result was an undercurrent of...something, that tugged at every fiber of his soul. Now every time the phone rang he jumped, every time the mail arrived, he looked at it more closely. Even at work, when his secretary buzzed him with a phone call, he answered halfway expecting it to be Carla. He really didn't think she would but the worry was always there. He found himself torn between the guilt he felt over the brief fling he had had with Carla and anger that bordered on rage at knowing his wife Janet had willingly been in another man's arms. Each time that thought crossed his mind he wanted to smash something. The only control he had was to not think about that, force it out of his mind. He was very careful to try to not let his anger show when he was around Janet, it wasn't an easy thing to do. He also mostly failed at that. He wanted to know all of the details, everything, like somehow that would help, but he just could not bring himself to broach the subject with her. Not in the way he wanted. Janet had said the words but not the ones he wanted to hear. She had said "affair". Then telling him when he had asked who it was about the man named Randy. Dave had no memory at all of him, he did remember Janet dancing with someone but had no idea who. He did remember them sneaking into the rear seat of their car later in the darkened parking lot, and having naughty delicious sex right there. That was the night little Sarah was conceived, of that Dave was sure. "Affair?" That was just a catchall phrase meaning nothing. What had they done, how had they done it? Was the man better, stronger? Was he larger, more handsome? Several times during the next few weeks he found himself unable to respond when Janet made her obvious attempts at lovemaking. This was new, another thing he had never had to deal with before. It was like withholding sex, intimacy, was a form of punishment? The few times he did manage, it was weak and without the normal passion. Days went by with no real intimacy, even though Janet tried, his body would not respond. She even opened her mouth and took him inside, something she had seldom done before. Guilt Ch. 03 That only served to make it worse, until finally he pushed her away. Had she done that with the man too? The thoughts he struggled to bury far within his mind just would not stay there, now while at his office he felt deep suspicions. Where was Janet? What was she doing? Once when she mentioned she was going shopping, and then over to visit with her Mom he had snarled at her. "Shopping? Again? You sure are doing a lot of that lately!" He snapped at her in a loud voice. Janet looked at him in shock, then broke into tears. Dave just left for work, left her like that. He was angry at everything now, it appeared. He knew that Janet was still in a fragile state, but the thought of her willingly cheating on him just would not go away. In the torment of thinking about all of that, his own guilt at what he had down with Carla down in Dallas faded. That evening he waited until she was in one of the other rooms, then he checked the cupboards to see what she had purchased. She came out and caught him just as he closed the cupboard door, having found nothing he could see that was new. She knew instantly what he was looking for. "I didn't go, honey." Was all she said to him, an unhappy look on her face. Then she turned and went back into the other room. Dave went into the living room and sat down, feeling terrible. More than a decade of marriage, total trust was now shot all to hell. Before, he would never have dreamed of checking on her, in all of that time he had never seen the inside of her purse. If he needed something she kept in there, he had always asked for it and she would get it for him. Now he found himself sneaking a look in it when she was in the bedroom or laundry room, checking for scraps of paper with phone numbers. He found nothing, that frustrated him even more. He even spent quite a bit of time checking the history on their computer and trying to hack into her email account but couldn't figure out her password. He got caught at that also when it became locked up from too many attempts. "It's Dave1978." Janet told him one evening as he sat reading his own emails. That made him blush, he never bothered to look after that, since she knew he had been checking she could just hide anything she might not want him to see. Janet again had a very sad look on her face as she turned and went into the kitchen. He had done his level best to remember what Randy looked like, the only time he had ever seen the man was that brief moment at the night club over a year before. Try as he might, he just could not place a face to him. That was another torment, he wanted to know about the face, know the man who had invaded his wife. Was the man younger, stronger, better looking? Was Janet lying to him about the sex, had she liked it better than with himself? Now she tried to go down on him, suck him, where did that come from? All that had happened that first night was that he had watched Janet dance with the man, finding her beautiful like he always did. He never really noticed or thought about the man she was dancing with. Janet only rarely accepted a dance with anyone, Dave had never minded the few times she did, it was always with friends or someone they knew. This man had been polite, he had asked Dave for permission first. When Dave told him it was up to Janet, he was mildly surprised when she accepted, she almost never danced with a total stranger. It was just a dance, Dave did not notice the man or even look at him carefully. He wished he had. That had been over a year ago, he found himself wondering about that, how could that be? Had Janet been cheating on him all this time? He now found himself checking nearly every tall younger man he saw, wondering if that was him? But he hid most of that behind a mask, miserable, but trying to not let it all show. Janet seemed to be happy most of the time, even more so than before she became ill. She didn't even appear to be too upset when she caught him checking up on her. The hours that she had sat in their living room staring at nothing, the excuses she had made at bedtime all vanished. That just added to Dave's overwhelming suspicions. He even checked the medicine cabinet, to see if she was taking some kind of medication, but she didn't seem to be. Of course the things piled up in his head and began to affect his work. "What in the hell is this?" Martha yelled at him one day, she had just walked in and tossed one of their account files on his desk. One glance at the cover page told him the problem, it was full of typos and the bid totals were off by several thousand dollars. "We will lose our asses if this keeps up, fix that!" She stomped out. He came in and worked all day Saturday by himself on that one, wondering the entire time what Janet was doing. When he rushed home that afternoon, he found her in the living room, watching a movie on TV with the kids. Sunday afternoon Dave was at the house watching the kids, he preferred that to going with Janet on her weekly shopping trips. He now hated the idea of her being by herself anywhere, even if it was just the store. But he hated the store even more. Janet had the habit of comparing the price of every single item before she bought it, shopping for her was an all day event. Before, he had paid no attention to her shopping, now he found himself wondering where she was, who she was talking to? The hands on the clock that he checked constantly appeared to move so very slowly. Little Sarah was at the point where she was barely walking, so that meant he needed to keep an eye on her. The two older kids were into their little hand held toys, always busy sending messages back and forth with someone somewhere. Dave was sitting in his chair watching Sarah negotiate climbing up on the couch, then up onto the back of it, down the full length on her tummy and then back down, over and over. There was a knock at the door. Janet's mother Sandra stood there, a sack of clothes in her arms. Sandra was an older spitting image of Janet, and she always had a smile on her face. She seemed to spend about all of her time making cute outfits for the other two kids when they were little, now she was in her own seventh heaven making clothes for Sarah. "Hi, Mom, come on in. Want some Tea?" "Sure, that would be good, David." Sandra called him "David" to his face but she always called him "Dave" when he overheard her talking to Janet. That was a little bit odd, just something he had noticed. "How are the kids?" She asked, setting down her bag. "Fine, the usual mayhem." He watched as Sarah ran over and jumped into her lap, demanding a hug. Then she wandered off to her own room, where a huge pile of toys lay scattered all over the floor. "And how is Janet?" She asked. "Janet? She is fine, why?" Dave instantly felt defensive. "No reason, I have been a little bit worried, she was so down but now she...." Sandra let it trail off. "Are you guys doing OK....?" She added, offering him a sidelong questioning glance. Dave looked at her, realized. "You know about that, don't you?" "Yes. She came over and told me. She was upset and afraid about what you would do." Dave went and got the Tea, brought her a cup. "So. How are you dealing with that, are you all right?" She pressed. It popped into Dave's head how when a really sticky subject came up, people talked around it without actually saying it. "You mean about her cheating on me while I was out of town, right?" He decided to be blunt, it was obvious Sandra wanted to talk about it with him. He took a sip of his Tea, looking at her. "Yes. Janet told me, she felt terrible, she was terrified about it, afraid you would leave her." "I thought about doing that." "I know, I am sure you did. But she loves you, you know." "Yes, I know. Now she seems to be trying so hard to be happy and normal, it's just that...It bothers me. If she could do that once..?" "She won't. Janet isn't like that, that was just one of those things. You were out of town and she was badly depressed, I couldn't bring her out of it either. It takes time, I am sure it wasn't something she set out to do. It might have been better if she had just not told you." "I think that would have been even worse if I ever found out..." Dave looked at Sandra, then his own guilt poured over him. He felt tears well up in his eyes, looked quickly away. He might as well have written it on his face. "David?" She asked. He didn't answer. "David?" She repeated. The thought of Carla and what had happened down in Dallas was all he could think of. "Oh, my God. What is it? Oh, no, not you, too? Did you...?" Dave poured it all out, it came out in a rushed jumble of words. It had all been an accident, just dinner with a co-worker, then later a place to stay. He had woken up, honestly thinking it was Janet reaching for him like she sometimes did in the middle of the night. Carla's body, similar enough to Janet's to create a moment of confusion, then it was too late. That was bad enough, but then she had appeared in his room the next afternoon, the mistake became compounded. An accident in the fog of sleep and alcohol was one thing, the wild rutting the next afternoon and evening was quite another. Sandra sat quietly and listened as he let it all out. "You didn't tell her?" "No." "But she told you?" "Yes." "Are you going to leave it at that?" "I don't know." That moment the door opened, Janet came in carrying a couple of paper sacks. "Hi, Mom! Dave, can you give me a hand? There are several more in the car." She didn't seem to realize that she had interrupted their discussion, she just went into the kitchen. Dave got up and went to the car, began unloading. He brought in the last ones, set them down. Sandra and Janet were both looking at him. "What?" He asked. "Mom wants to take the kids for a few weeks, so we can go do some of the things we talked about." "What things?" "Maybe a cruise, maybe go to Las Vegas, maybe go to France or Greece or Mexico or something?" "I do have a month's vacation saved up, we could, I guess...? "Oh, let's, honey!" Janet acted all excited. "You guys have been talking about this for awhile, haven't you?" Dave grinned at them. "Yes. You work too hard, honey. We need some time to ourselves." Janet smiled at him. Dave nodded, Janet busied herself putting everything away as Dave went into the other room. Her Mom followed him back into the living room, sat down. "Janet and I talked earlier, it just sounded like a good idea for you kids to go away for awhile, just the two of you. Call it a second honeymoon, start over." She grinned at him. "You didn't tell her anything, did you?" Dave whispered to her. "I didn't know until just today, and no, I won't. But I think you kids should go have some fun together, it will be good for you. Take her to neat places, fancy dinners and dancing, fuck her senseless!" She had a huge smile on her face. Dave's jaw dropped, he had never heard Sandra say the word "fuck" before. They both started laughing, just then Janet came in. "What's so funny?" She asked. "Your Mother told me to take you someplace nice, then fuck you senseless!" He couldn't help himself, that was hilarious the way she had said that. "Oh, goody!" Janet grinned, giving him a big hug. "Well, I am out of here! See how the clothes fit Sarah, OK?" She said as she left. "Your Mother is a damned old busybody!" Dave grinned at Janet. Forgotten for a moment was his problem. "Yes, but she is our busybody!" Janet said, releasing him. She seemed to be so happy, that made Dave feel good. The next day Dave told Martha he wanted to claim some of his vacation time. She frowned at that, but she had to let him have the time. Then her expression changed. "OK. Probably a good idea, maybe we can get you reloaded. You have been a bit of a putz lately. But give me as much lead time as possible, I have to have someone here to cover the office while you are gone." Dave nodded. That night when he got home Janet had brochures from about every possible vacation resort there is on the planet. He decided to just let her choose. It took her a week, she booked a several days long cruise ship to Alaska, a short stay and some deep sea fishing for Dave since she knew he always wanted to do that. Then from there it was a flight to a fancy resort in Mexico. They had just a few weeks to prepare. A few days later Dave noticed Janet suddenly was looking darker, she told him she had been going to the tanning salon every day to get ready. Instantly he was suspicious. "Really? It gets you tan like this that fast?" They were lying in bed, he had looked at her closely when she came out of the bathroom. There were no tan lines at all. "Yes, you should go a few times too, that way you won't get sunburned in Mexico." "I notice you are turning brown all over?" He said. "Yea, the beaches there are all topless." "Topless, huh? You are going to run around with your bare titties hanging out?" He teased. "I don't know, maybe." She grinned at him and snuggled up. "So you tan in the nude?" He asked. "Yes, I have to to get brown all over, honey." "Who is around when you are tanning?" He asked her. "Nobody, just the other women." "No men?" "No. There is a section for them that is separate, but not very many even go there. It's mostly a woman's spa. They have a lounge area and lockers, and separate tanning rooms. There is also a sauna and hot tub, it's really nice." "No men?" Dave asked again. "No. Just couples once in awhile, why don't you go with me sometime? You could use some color before we go." "Maybe I will." Monday morning a week later was when the next first signs of trouble started. His boss Martha asked him to come into her office. "This is Carla, we borrowed her from the Dallas center, she will handle your office while you are gone." Dave stood there for a moment in shock. "Hi, Dave!" She said brightly. "Hello, Carla." "You two know each other?" Martha asked. "Yes, we met down in Dallas when Dave was there to work on the breakdown." Carla told her. Martha looked back and forth at them for a moment, a quizzical expression on her face. She really never missed much, part of why she was the company President. "Good. That makes it easier, you two will be working together for the next week or so, to get Carla up to speed on where everything is." Martha said. Dave flushed, he had not expected this at all. "Well, let's get to work!" Carla told him, getting up. Reluctantly, he followed her down the hall to his office. Inside, she pushed the door shut. "I know most of it already, I just need to know where the files are and I need access to your database." She told him. "OK. It's all pretty easy." Dave was still flustered. "Relax, Dave." She looked at him pointedly. "I won't say anything, what we had was just a fling." "I...we shouldn't have..." He had trouble meeting her gaze. "I know. But it was a hell of a lot of fun! Best ever for me in fact!" She grinned at him. Dave felt himself flush even more at that. Then they went to work, Carla very quickly got up to speed, by the end of the first day Dave was confident she could handle the job. The only problem he had was every time he looked at her he remembered the couple of days in Dallas, the way she had eagerly joined him in a crazy session of illicit sex. He felt the same glimmerings of being aroused, he just could not help that. That night, when Janet came to bed she found him solidly erect. That was a surprise. "Excited about the trip, I see?" Janet smiled at him, sliding into his arms. Dave climaxed very quickly, the vision of Carla walking towards him naked in his mind's eye, her soft breasts swaying with each step. That vision remained as he used his hands gently on Janet, knowing she had not reached her own peak from his other far too quick effort. After, he felt ashamed and lay there unable to sleep for a long time. It was the vision, the memory of Carla that set him off, not his wife. The next morning, he left for the office nearly a half hour early. Carla was sitting behind the desk, going over some paperwork. She looked up in surprise. "Early I see. Want some coffee?" Dave nodded, she hopped up and poured him a cup. "I was hoping you would be here, I wanted to talk to you." He said. "OK." She smiled at him. "It has really been bothering me." "It? You mean our having sex? It doesn't bother me at all." She kept the slight smile on her face. "I never told Janet, but while I was gone she...there was some other man." "Oh! Now I see why you were acting oddly." "Did it show that much?" "No shit! Anyway, what are you going to do about that?" "I don't know. I guess we are hoping that the trip....?" "It might be good for you guys to get away, sort everything out." Dave nodded. "There is one thing. If it doesn't, you can come see me any time you want to. I wouldn't have taken this job, except I knew you would be here." She smiled, her hand came up and fiddled with one of the buttons on her blouse. Once again, Dave felt himself begin to erect as she looked him straight in the eyes. He almost stood up and reached for her, but just then Martha came in. "I see you guys are hitting it early!" She grinned, sounding pleased. "Yea, we have it all under control." Carla told her, as Martha went on by into her office. That afternoon, Dave went in and asked Martha if he could just let Carla take over for the rest of the week. "Can she handle it all?" "Yes, I am sure she can." "OK. Take off, get the hell out of here and go have some fun. Don't come back until you have everything straightened out at home." "OK. Thanks." He turned to leave, then it hit him. Straightened out at home? He stopped and turned back. Martha was looking at him intently. "What?" He asked her. "Expense account, David. You spent nearly $400.00 on dinner and drinks on one meal down in Dallas, when I see that I know damn good and well there is a woman around somewhere. No way did you put down that much food and booze by yourself." She grinned at him. Dave turned bright red. "I can reimburse..." "Don't worry about it, shit happens. It was Carla, wasn't it?" She grinned. "Yea." He admitted. "That explains everything, no wonder she volunteered. Now get out of here, sort things out with your wife." He turned to leave. "David?" She called out. "Yes?" "It all washes right off, I wouldn't even tell her if I were you!" She laughed, went back to her paperwork. Dave figured Martha thought his being upset was because of his own indiscretions, she couldn't know about Janet's? Or could she? It was beginning to look like everyone on the planet now knew about it. Janet wasn't home when he got there. He realized she must be down at the salon. Jumping back into the car, he drove down there. Her car was pulled up in front, so he parked and went in. "Can I help you, sir?" A very pretty young lady at the reception desk asked him. "Yes, I am looking for my wife, Janet." The young woman checked the schedule. "She is in number 5, she will be out in a few minutes. You can wait in the lounge if you like." Dave went in and sat down, there were stacks of magazines, all of them about tanning and body building. Another young woman came out, she was dressed in a leotard and obviously nothing else. She eyed him with suspicion, then gathered up a backpack from a row of lockers and left. A few minutes later another woman came out, she was wrapped in a huge towel. "Oh! Hello! I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was out here." She said, a startled expression on her face. Guilt Ch. 03 "Hi. I am just waiting for my wife." He now felt uncomfortable, this was beginning to look like a woman's locker room or something. There was a nice table in the center of the room, a couple of couches along one wall and two long hallways down each side with several lockers in each one. The woman nodded, went down to one of the lockers. She looked back at Dave, then reached in for some clothing. She kept the towel firmly in place, leaving the large locker door open between them as she slipped into her clothes. Dave made it a point to not look her way, although he could see her out of the corner of his eye. The woman walked back up the hallway and went inside the main section. She gave him a smiling glance as the door closed behind her. A moment later a young man came out of the other doorway. He walked over to a locker, picked up a stack of towels and headed back. "Waiting for your massage?" The man asked Dave. "No, I am just waiting for my wife." "Which one is she?" He asked. "Janet." "Oh, sure. She is in the sauna, she should be out shortly." He went into the room the other women had come out of. That mildly surprised Dave, he was thinking that must be the woman's section? A few minutes later, Janet came out. She was wrapped in one of the huge towels, just like the other lady had been. "Hi, honey! What are you doing down here?" "I got off early, so I just came down to see what is going on. I was thinking of doing some tanning myself." He answered lamely. "Neat!" She walked down the hallway, opened a locker and started dressing. "I thought you said there were no men in here?" He asked. "This part is co-ed, the woman's lockers are over here and the guy's over there." She tugged on her bra, then pulled a T-shirt over her head. "People undress in here?" "Yes, it's usually just women, in fact, you are the first man I have ever seen in here." "Some guy just went in there." He said. "Oh, that's Arthur, he works here." "Well, he went into the woman's section!" Dave blurted out. "He sterilizes the tanning beds and cleans up, passes out the towels is all." She picked up her carry bag and started up the hallway. Dave was looking at her, she spotted his expression. "Oh. Dave, don't worry about that, Arthur is gay." She smiled at him. "Well, he still is a guy." "All of the tanning beds are private." "You dress and undress right out here?" "Yes, it's nearly always just me, sometimes one of the other women. The woman's row is this side and the man's is over there, we can't see that side from ours." "You can from here." Dave accused. "Nobody is ever out here, not very often anyway. Usually just women, anyway, but this lounge is co-ed." Janet looked at him with a hurt expression. "Dave,nothing ever happens around here, it's just a day spa. I will see you at home, OK?" She went out the door. By the time that Dave got to his own car she was pulling out onto the street. He was being silly and he knew it, but he just could not help himself. Janet's mood was not good when he got home. She was already in the kitchen, so Dave plopped down in his chair and picked up his newspaper. He was halfway through the front page when she came out and sat down, her hands clasped in her lap. "We need to talk, honey." She said. "Yea, probably." "I know what I did was terrible, and I am really sorry. I don't even know why, it wasn't anything I even set out to do." Dave waited, let her talk. "Since then you have acted different, checking on me all the time and being suspicious, but I am not doing anything at all. It's you I love!" Her eyes were damp, she wiped at them with the back of her hand. "Janet, I...." "Please? Let me finish. We can't keep going like this, it's just too hard. I was hoping, thinking that when we go on the trip, that might get us back to the way we were? But now I don't think so. You even acted jealous at the spa, and there really is nothing going on there at all." "I guess I am being stupid. I'm sorry. What do you want to do?" He asked. "Maybe if you...? Why don't you find someone, get even? Would that do it?" "I don't....No, that's not it. I don't have any need to do that." Dave felt his face flush. "Well, what do you want, then?" "I want to know the truth." Dave looked at her. Janet's body sagged, the tears were flowing freely now. "All right. What do you want to know?" "Everything." Janet took a deep breath, then she began to explain. Dave sat there quietly, not reacting at all as she told him about Randy and how that had happened, his calling the second time, how she had gone with him willingly. She held nothing back, even telling him how her own orgasms had been explosive, something different that she had never really known before. "I don't know what that was, maybe a vaginal orgasm? I don't know, I always orgasm with you, but it was just something different." Dave didn't say anything, she was obviously pulling no punches at all. "I liked it, Dave! I know, I shouldn't have, it isn't fair to you, but I did. I liked it. If you are going to hate me forever you are just going to have to, I can't take it back." Dave opened his mouth to say something, but she went on. She explained about the phone call, Randy talking to his own wife right in front of her, how she had come to her senses and realized that it was nothing but stupid sex and she didn't belong there. "That's all of it? There has never been anybody else?" Dave asked. "No. Never. You already know about everything that ever happened before we got married, that's everything." "Have you seen him since?" "No. But he called a couple of times." "He did?" "Yes, I told him both times to leave me alone, and not call." "When was that?" "About a week after you got home, and then a few days ago." "A few days ago? You didn't tell me?" "I was afraid to, you have acted so suspicious and upset at me." "I'm sorry." "So am I, I should have told you. The last time I told him that I would tell you all about him if he called again. He doesn't know that you know." "What did he want?" "He wanted me to come and see him, of course. He just wanted more sex with me. The guy is just a jerk." Dave felt a flush of anger at the nerve of the guy, it popped into his head that if he could just get his hands on him...? "So where are we, honey?" Janet asked, breaking into his thoughts. "I guess I want to try. We have to be honest with each other, or it just will not work." "Yes. We have to have trust, I know that." She gave him an intense look. "I will never do anything like that again, honey. I promise, I really do." Dave looked at her, Janet had an odd expression on her face. Dave couldn't place it, he didn't quite understand. There was a mixture of stubbornness, but..almost anger? "We can pick up the kids at Mom's later, she won't mind." Janet said, standing up. She reached down and tugged the T-shirt over her head. Dave sat and watched, surprised. She stripped naked, walked over and slid into his lap. "Please take me into the bedroom and fuck me senseless!" She purred, nibbling on his neck. Dave picked her up and carried her into the other room, setting her on the bed. He quickly stripped, her now all over brown body looked delightful. He took his sweet time, doing everything he knew to bring her to orgasm after orgasm until finally she was twisting her hips around, trying to get him inside her. He rammed himself at her, pounding her with no mercy. Always before he had been deliberately gentle, this time he was taking her for himself. It was like he had been with Carla, not lovemaking but rutting, raw sex. Dave felt like he was reclaiming his wife. At one point she was mashing her pelvis against him, her legs splayed impossibly wide, thrusting in an effort to get him deeper. When she began muttering little sounds, it was that moment when he released. They collapsed, still joined. "God, I love you!" Janet mumbled. Dave felt pretty good at that, he had been solid, rigid, he was back to normal. They lay there basking, Dave's hands idly flowed over her and she was nipping and kissing at his neck, something he loved. He now knew that he had all the truth, no more secrets. For the first time in weeks Dave felt mostly content. He began to feel that he could deal with all of it, Janet was his, she belonged to him alone. "That was it." She told him. "That was what?" "That feeling, when you were so hard and did it to me like that. That different orgasm." "Really?" He asked, feeling pleased with himself. "Yes. Really!" She rolled over closer to him, her hand idly stroked his chest. "So tell me, Honey." She asked quietly. "Tell you what?" His mind was blank, it didn't register. "It's your turn. Tell me about Carla." Guilt Ch. 04 "It's your turn. Tell me about Carla." Janet lay there by Dave's side. They had barely finished a wonderful session of lovemaking. It really was wonderful, Dave had learned one good thing from all of the mess they had going on. He had always been overly gentle, loving her, careful to never hurt her. Janet liked that, it made her feel warm and loved, taken care of. But Janet discovered with Randy that she also liked being taken, forcefully, like it was out of her own control. Then Dave had taken her like that almost in anger, forcefully, she finally understood what women meant when they spoke of a vaginal orgasm. That crazy affair with Randy had changed her, it caused her body to react with an intensity she had never known, or even really realized her body could do. The helpless feeling, it was like she had no control at all on the outcome, that was the key. With Randy it had been shameful yet delicious at the same time. It caused the thick dark clouds of her depression to lift, the worries vanished. Janet went into a complete emotional high. Dave, the real man in her life had now taken complete control, so she was free. Sex became something else, before it was something she had simply liked. Now? She had no choice, when Dave pushed her back onto the bed and shoved her legs open, climbing on top of her. That warm feeling inside her belly just expanded and grew until there was nothing else, she was lost. Dave had reached up and gripped her wrists, held her down on the bed, there was nothing she could do. Her entire early experiences with men had been a few fumbling attempts in which she never reached a climax at all, even though it did make her feel good. Then she had met and married Dave, he was so good, so kind. She learned with him about orgasm, sex was sweet, nice. As a result Janet had been happy, completely content for so many years, except for those short periods after each child was born. The few times she had just faked her climax, of course she did that to please her man. But that was rare, she nearly always felt her body spasm briefly. Her man loved her, of that she was sure. Those tender moments, wrapped tightly in his arms simply basking in the moment, she was safe. Yet that shameful thing she had done? She let another man, almost a stranger to her, invade her? In all of their married life the idea of anything like that had never entered her mind, not even for a brief moment. Those damn pills. If she had just kept taking them, she would have been fine. Without them, she was someone else. There had been a haze, a fog of pleasure caused by her almost giddy reaction to Randy and his complete attentions. So innocent in her own mind, until it became more than that. When he was on top of her, jamming at her forcefully, it was not the light brushing touches, the teasing her body expected. There was no basking in pleasure, there was only the explosions. No warmth, no safety. It was raw sex, she wanted more of that, to feel that again and again. She felt herself slipping away from reality. That man, that stranger to her owned her completely for nearly two full days, until he got that phone call from his wife. Realization and shock had set in, she ran. Suddenly she needed desperately to get back to Dave, her family, to safety. +++ Dave felt completely relaxed, content for the first time in a couple of months, feeling an inner pride knowing that she had experienced that same new thing with him. He had reclaimed his wife, his bride. In a strange kind of anger bordering on rage, Dave had pushed Janet down on the bed, then jammed himself inside her. For a brief period he lost control himself, he used the only weapon he dared to use on her as his emotions poured out. Then he felt the change in her, the way she tossed her head, cried out, the way her body clamped down on him. Satiated, content, he lay back just basking in how powerful that had been. Janet was his, by God. +++ Her words hit him like a ton of bricks. "Tell me about Carla." It took a moment for him to manage to catch a breath. He was caught, Janet knew! He looked at her in shock. There was no sign of anger. "I...Oh God! You know? How did you....?" He managed. "That doesn't matter. You have been treating me like crap for weeks now and I know I had it coming. But honey, you have some things you need tell me about!" "Janet, I am so sorry. I almost don't know what to say. It was...an accident!" Dave knew how lame that sounded the instant the words passed his lips. It was almost exactly what Janet had said when blurting out her own tearful confession. Janet didn't respond for quite awhile, she lay there with one hand idly brushing his chest, then tugging gently on the fine hairs, in that playful manner she so often did. His mind was whirling, it had to be Janet's Mother Sandra that told her? Just wait until he got her cornered, he was thinking. He had wondered about that anyway, Sandra had come over, of course she knew that Janet was gone? Why? That was not like her at all, she often came over to see her Daughter, their kids. Not one time that he could remember had she ever been there when Janet was not. Then she had started in on the "relationship" questions? All that did was bring back his misery about his own stupid affair. Janet's Mother Sandra had acted like she was surprised about his own mess up? Dave had broken down and blurted it all out. It never really registered on him that she already knew about it. Her manner? She might as well have been talking about the kids. ++ "Well?" Janet asked. That broke into his running thoughts, brought him back to the moment. Dave glanced at her, this was insane. She was lying there naked, propped up on one elbow, her other fingers gently tracing his chest. He would have expected anger, rage, but she had a small smile, an odd expression on her face. Dave broke down and told her what had happened down in Dallas. There was no point in softening it any. This was all beyond belief anyway, Janet cheated on him while he was out of town on business, he had done the same thing. The only real difference was she had admitted it almost instantly, he had kept it bottled up inside. She told him that she didn't even know why, he could almost understand that since he didn't know why he had done it, either. "So did you like it?" Janet asked. Dave was in the process of trying to find the right words, give her some lame excuse when she asked that crazy question. What does a man say to his naked wife when she wants to know if he liked having sex with another woman? "At first I thought it was you, doing like you sometimes do, reaching out in the middle of the night?" Dave said. "And then?" She coaxed, still smiling strangely. "When I woke up, realized, it was too late." "There was more....afterward, wasn't there?" "Yes. She came up to my room the next afternoon, and we...I just did it." "Is she pretty?" "Yes, I guess so." "Are her titties bigger than mine?" Janet took her hand off his chest, lifted her left breast slightly. She suddenly looked almost playful. "What? No. About the same, I guess." Dave felt himself blush at that. "Are you going to do it again? I know she is up here now." Now how did she know THAT? He thought. "NO! I don't have any plans, I even took the time off early so I wouldn't be around her. I won't, I never will, I promise." "Tempted, huh?" Janet almost giggled. "No, I really mean it, I will never! It's just that..." Dave ran out of words to say. "Was she better than me?" She moved her face close to his cheek, lightly brushing him with her lips. She was really acting weird. "No! It was just...different is all." "David, you know I love you and I want to be with you. We have kids and a life and all of that, so I want you to know I forgive you." She sat up, scooted back against the headboard. It was nearly a deliberate pose, she had her shoulders back slightly, causing her bare breasts to lift. She looked at him and grinned when his eyes dropped automatically to her body. Janet never called him "David." And what she said somehow sounded....silly? "I love you too, honey. Let's both just forget it ever happened and go back to enjoying each other. Please?" He told her. "OK. That's what I want, too. We can just have our trip be a new honeymoon and start again from there, maybe?" "OK. It will be good for us." He said, glad for the change of subject. Janet didn't seem angry at him, she instead sounded...curious? She had a smile on her lips, but her expression belied the smile. She slid back down beneath the covers, then lay quietly at his side. He listened as her breath slowed, then became soft and regular. Dave lay there for several hours, his mind working. Something didn't ring completely true. After nearly a decade and a half of marriage, he thought he knew her completely. Her reaction, her questions just did not ring true to the woman he loved. He tried very hard to remember everything Janet's Mom had said. It began to dawn on him that she knew all about his own affair, or at least some of it, and had come over to talk with him deliberately. Janet said she forgave him? That was too easy. There should have been tears, outrage, yelling at all of this. Instead? She simply acted curious, almost...teasing? He finally dozed off, his mind still going over and over the last few weeks. The next day Janet was working on the packing, it was going to be quite a bit since they were going to be gone nearly a month. Everything appeared to be perfectly normal? She had just asked him if he wanted to take some suits, which he really didn't want, when the phone rang. "What did you do with the Harris file?" Martha asked him, without even saying hello. "It should be in the hold files in my lower desk drawer, they didn't answer on the bid so I set it aside. It's not in the database yet." "Well, they accepted the bid so we have to complete it and do the customs, and Carla says she can't find it." "I am sure that is where I put it." "That was right in that period when you had your head in your ass, can you come down and help us? If we can't find the original we will have to redo the whole damned thing!" She hung up, Martha didn't sound happy at all. "I have to go in, they need me on a file for work." He told Janet. "OK. I will finish up here. Can we go out for a nice dinner after? I don't feel like cooking." "Sure, hon. I will be home as soon as I can." Even that concerned him, he was leaving in the middle of the day to go to his office? Janet had to know Carla would be there, but she had no reaction at all? Dave knew damn good and well that if Janet said she was going somewhere, and he knew that Randy would be around? He would shit a brick, throw a fit. No reaction. No reaction at all? Dave also knew he didn't want to see Carla, that caused stirrings in him, he did not want any more upsets in his life. That was why he had taken the rest of the week off anyway, it was to get away from her. The memories of those torrid hours in that hotel room bothered him, he didn't trust himself. The trip, a full month away might do the trick. He and Janet could reconnect, get things back to the way they were. There was no way he would ever be unfaithful again, of that Dave was sure. It was just too much to deal with, he had no desire for anyone other than Janet anyway. His mind flashed again to Carla, those wild sexy sessions. He forced his mind back to his driving. Dave forgot about that when he got to the office, it took him perhaps 10 seconds to find the file. It was right where he said it would be. Pissed off, he looked at Carla, she just smiled. "What was that all about?" He asked, mildly angry. Hell, it was over an hour long drive, wasted. "I needed to talk to you, and I didn't dare call your house." "Janet knows all about us." "How did she find out?" "She already knew, so I just told her the truth." "Oh, swell." She said sarcastically. "Well? How did she take it?" "OK, I guess. Better than I expected." "Good, I don't want to cause any trouble. But that's not it. A woman has been calling, asking for you." "For me? Who is it?" "Her name is Molly, she sounded upset as hell, she even yelled at me for not putting you on the phone. I told her I just work here. She is a foul mouthed little bitch." "I don't know any woman named Molly?" Dave protested. "Well, she knows you, she knows your name. I think you better call her before she ends up getting hold of Martha. I thought maybe she was one of your fringe benefits?" Carla grinned at him when she said that. Dave sighed, reached for the phone. A soft voice picked up on the 3rd ring. "Thank you for calling." Were the first words out of her mouth. "What can I do for you?" "I want to talk to you about my husband....and your wife!" Her voice changed from being soft quickly. "Uhhh....OK?" That caught Dave off guard. "My husband has been cheating on me, and it's with your wife!" Her voice now sounded a bit high pitched. "How do you know that?" He asked, getting a sinking feeling. "I found the phone number in his shirt pocket, I did a reverse trace. Then I drove by and I saw her." "Saw who?" "Your wife! Janet!" Dave felt a chill at that, this woman had been to their house? "How did you get this number?" "Easy, I have a computer." "What is your husband's name?" "Randy." Dave felt that same flash of anger again, then managed to control himself, stay calm. "Look, Miss....Molly? I know about that, but it is over. She had no idea that he was married, so...." "Well, she is married! What is all this shit, are you guys some kind of damn swingers or something?" "No, we are not!" He protested. "Well, your wife is out fucking my husband, you don't sound very mad?" She almost hissed the word "fucking." "It's complicated, but don't worry, it won't happen again." Dave was struggling to keep from raising his voice. "I'm not so damned sure of that!" She slammed the phone down. Dave sighed, he had been hoping that it would all be over, but it didn't look like it. There was probably going to be more trouble. He was right, too. Dave spotted the strange little white car in his driveway as he turned the corner. He parked on the street, unsure of what to expect. "Hi, honey!" Janet said the moment he walked in. "This is Molly, Randy's wife." Dave took it all in at a glance, the coffee, a tray of cookies, the mid 30's woman sitting there. Pretty in a way, but dumpy looking clothing, on the heavy side with overly large bust. She had a pair of round wire frame glasses perched on her nose. Now what the hell? "So what is going on?" Dave asked. "Molly has a problem and we are sorting it out. We had a long talk." "Sorting it?...How does it get to be our concern?" He asked. "Well, we are kind of involved, I guess I am anyway." She actually giggled, Dave felt that flash of anger again. He looked closely at Janet, once again wondering if she was on her medication. "You are too then, I guess." She added. "I don't think I have anything to do with....." He started to say. "It's OK, sir. I am not mad at Janet, we have had a long talk. It's Randy I want to get even with." Molly piped up with. Her voice was once again soft like it had been when she answered the phone. She actually smiled, then looked him up and down in a way that made him completely uncomfortable. "Long talk?", Janet said? It couldn't have been more than two hours ago that he was talking to this woman on the phone? "Getting even usually doesn't help, it just makes things worse. Why don't you just sit your husband down and talk to him, and if you can't deal with the guy, just leave him?" He said. "Talking doesn't do anything at all with Randy, I have tried that." "We think it wasn't the first time. Randy seems to find vulnerable women and take advantage of them." Janet told him. Dave was floored, Janet was just sitting there like this conversation was normal? She sounded like she was talking about someone else. "It's the first time I actually caught him, he is a sneaky bastard!" Molly said. Her voice once again took on that higher tone. Dave looked back and forth at the two of them. "Honey, I don't think we need to be getting in the middle of anything." "We already are." Janet said. Dave felt himself getting madder. This was insane. He went inside and got a beer, something he only rarely ever did. Then he went in and sat down, Molly was at the door, just leaving. "What in the hell was that woman doing in our house?" He demanded the moment she was gone. "She called and told me who she was, she was mad at first. I apologized and we started talking, then I asked her over. I just wanted to help her." "Jesus Christ, Janet! You slept with her god damn husband, how in the hell can you help her?" "We were thinking you could sleep with her and get back at him." She said. Dave just stared at her. "There is no way in hell that I am going to touch that bitch, she is fat and besides, I don't like the fucking broad! Jesus H. Christ! Are you out of your god damn mind?" He exploded. "Don't you yell at me and stop swearing! I just felt bad for her is all. We thought if she could get even it might teach him a lesson." She stormed off into the kitchen, started making racket. Dave sat and drank his beer, trying to compose himself. Then he got up and went after her. "Look, I'm sorry for yelling. We can't do anything to help her with the guy, he isn't ever going to change. I don't want to sleep with his damn wife." "Randy needs to be taught a lesson." She said, not looking at him. "How in the world is my sleeping with her going to help her do that? Besides, I don't want you to go anywhere near that guy again, and something like that would just cause trouble. If I did anything like that it's just going to involve him even more." "I don't want to go near him, I told her she needs to go have a fling with someone, let him know how it feels." "So I get picked?" "It was just a suggestion." "Yea, like that will work." "It worked for us." She turned and smiled at him. Dave just looked at her, he couldn't believe she said that, and with a smile? It dawned on him that there was something seriously wrong with his wife. Still angry, he blurted out the question that had been bugging him. "How did your Mother know about what happened when I was in Dallas?" He demanded. "I told her." That floored Dave, it was the last thing he expected. "You told her? How did you find out?" He asked. "You use your credit card for the expense account, they use automatic debits at your work. I just looked up what you spent online. You keep all the passwords in your expense ledger. You shouldn't do that, you know." Something else new? Janet never snooped. Dave normally didn't either but he had been suspicious, upset so he had checked her purse and tried to hack her email, even questioned her about shopping trips. "I saw that one charge and I knew something had happened. I thought maybe it was a mistake or you had some associates out for dinner at first. So I called the company to check, a nice man told me that you worked late, and someone named Carla stayed to help. Then he even told me that she had transferred up here to run your office while we are on vacation. I put two and two together pretty quickly. I called your office and she answered but I just hung up." "When did you do all this?" He asked. "She sounded nice on the phone." Janet had that somewhere else look on her face again. "Janet!" "It was about a week or two after you got home. I figured that something had happened from the way you were acting." Guilt Ch. 04 "Why didn't you just say something, ask me?" "I was waiting for you to tell me." Dave flushed at that. If he had just told her, let it out and taken what came? Maybe that would be better? She stood looking at him. She didn't seem to be angry? "I'm really sorry, honey. I really am." "So am I. Then you brought her up here, it's still going on, isn't it?" Janet turned and went into the bedroom, slammed the door. "Janet, no! I didn't. Martha hired her, I didn't know..." He called after her. Janet didn't answer. Dave opened the door and glanced in, she was busy looking at clothing, packing. He went and got another beer, sat down in the living room. "Dinner is ready. Mom will pick up the kids Saturday morning, we leave for the docks that afternoon." She said later as she came in and joined him. The nice dinner out she had mentioned seemed to have been forgotten. Later, Dave clicked on the "Survivor" show they both liked, they sat and watched it quietly. Like always, they both guessed on who was going to get kicked out next, like always, they were both wrong. Then they went to bed, Janet didn't reach for him, and he just rolled over and went to sleep. The next day and evening was the same. They ate together, talked about the upcoming trip. The day was perfectly normal, except for that undercurrent of upset. Saturday morning was bright and Sunny, Janet's Mom Sandra came by and loaded up the kids in her van. Dave wanted to corner her and say some things to her, but she managed to stay very close to Janet. Apparently she knew that he knew, because she kept very busy the whole time, avoiding him. The big cruise ship left right on schedule. Dave did get his deep sea fishing trip, there was a moment there when after a full half hour struggle he managed to land the biggest fish he had ever seen in his life. The thing looked huge, wide and flat, it's eyes bulging out of the top of it's head. He was crushed when the crew let it go, saying it was too small. Dave had no idea what he would have done with the thing anyway. But it was a good day, the other problems all seemed far away for a long period. Back on the big ship later that day he found Janet sunning herself up on the deck. He was surprised at that, since it was on the cool side but she didn't seem to be uncomfortable. She had on a tiny little bikini he had never seen before. She looked good, her rich brown body contrasted the deep yellow color of the suit. Dave felt the first tinglings he had felt for several days, they had not made love in all the time since they left. "Where did you get that outfit?" He asked her. "In the gift shop down below. Do you like it?" She got a coy look on her face. "Yes, it's pretty, although I don't see how you stay in it!" He teased. "I think that is the idea." She grinned, batting her eyes at him. Then she stood up and stretched, that did it. She knew it, too, it was deliberate. They were in their cabin just a few minutes later. Several people looked at them oddly as they went down the hallway, Janet in her skimpy bathing suit and Dave wearing heavy clothing and a huge coat. "You smell like fish." She laughed afterward. "Probably, sorry. I didn't think about that." "That's OK, it was kind of different. Hey, let's go down and use the shower room off the pool. It has lots more room than this thing." She looked inside the tiny little shower cabinet that was in their suite. "There will be people down there?" Dave asked. "I don't care, do you?" "No, not really." He laughed. They grabbed a couple of towels, Dave put on his suit and they walked down the hallway to the shower room. There was nobody in there but it was fun anyway as they stripped,soaped each other up and rinsed off. One older woman came in just as they were putting their suits back on. "Oh! Excuse me!" She said and quickly left. Dave and Janet got a giggle out of that. There were a few people out by the pool when they came out again wearing their suits, nobody paid any attention to them. The rest of the cruise trip was uneventful, things were becoming more relaxed between them. The world and all of it's problems began to seem far away. Dave felt good about that, maybe it was working, he thought. Janet once again acted...normal? The resort in Mexico was wonderful, the suite was large and comfortable. On the beach, Janet was uncomfortable about taking her top off at first. She had teasingly mentioned doing that several times, even going to that spa and tanning all over, but when it came right down to it she was hesitant, there were people everywhere. After awhile, with nearly all of the other women running around that way, she did. Dave had thought from all of the brochures that the place would be full of beautiful women, but most of them were in their fifties and looked well fed. Janet looked rather spectacular in comparison, it gave him a feeling of pride. Dave could tell she was slightly shy about going topless at first but then she relaxed. In short order after that, Janet was carefully oiling herself up, paying no attention to the few men around her. Janet really did keep herself in good shape, her bust was still firm even after three children, and her stomach was pretty flat and tight, with just a small tell tale bulge of soft tummy above her bikini bottoms. The world outside once again seemed to be very far away. It was the third day there that he noticed one of the waiters appeared to be coming by quite a lot. The young man named Carlos was slender with sandy colored hair and spoke perfect English. His body was muscular, that showed clearly in the snug white pullover shirt and shorts he wore. Janet showed no signs of being concerned about her semi nudity around him, and at first Dave never paid any attention. Then he saw her stretch once as the young man approached with some drinks. It almost looked like she was posing? Dave watched more carefully after that. It soon became obvious to him that she was doing exactly that. When she saw him coming she would roll over onto her back and sit up. Before the upset in their lives, before Janet had that brief fling with Randy, Dave would never have even noticed Carlos, or her reaction to him. Now he found himself watching intently. Even worse, he made some excuses to wander off, then he slipped back to where he could watch her from a distance. He felt guilty about spying on her, but did it anyway. At one point, the young man came over and said something to her, she got up and walked with him down the beach. She looked to be unconcerned about her near nudity. Carlos was smiling and chatting with her, Dave saw him looking Janet up and down, now at the point of not even trying to hide his interest. At one point he said something and she leaned her head back and laughed, reaching out to briefly touch his arm in what looked to be a familiar manner to Dave. The flash of anger poured over him again. He was just starting down the path to call her about that when he saw Janet coming back by herself, she had a platter with huge chunks of fruit on it. He went over to their blanket, waited. "Where have you been honey?" She asked him as he walked up to the blanket he sat on. "I was...beach combing." He said, realizing instantly how stupid that sounded. The beaches were all pristine sand, there was little to see. "Did you find anything?" She asked, picking up a huge piece of Papaya. "No, not really." "I bet you saw some cute women, right?" She giggled. "What were you and Carlos doing?" That caused her to give him a quick glance. "He just told me they were putting out some fruit platters, he showed me where it was." "Oh. OK." Dave sat down, feeling foolish. "Carlos told me they have a band coming in this afternoon, want to go?" "Sure, sounds like fun." Dave felt himself start to relax again. Of course nothing was going on with Carlos, he was just being a waiter. But he couldn't just leave it alone. "That guy sure does seem to like you?" He asked finally. "Which guy?" "Carlos. He seems to be very attentive." "I know. I saw him looking at me, it's flattering. I am an old lady and he is just a kid." She grinned. "You are a pretty good looking old lady, honey. I saw him staring at your boobs." "Well, what do you expect? I am sitting here half naked, men look. I see them look at me sometimes when I am fully dressed, you even do that. Relax honey, I am all yours!" Janet reached out and touched his forearm. Just like he had seen her do with Carlos. Dave just nodded. "All yours." She said. Dave wasn't too sure of that. Jealousy, it seems, is a powerful emotion. That night they got ready to walk up the beach to the dance. Janet came out wearing a flimsy one piece dress, it reached almost to the ground. The top was wrinkly looking, it had a long waistline that came up to under her breasts. "Is that new?" He asked. "Yes, I got it on the boat. It's really comfortable." "No bra?" He asked. That was obvious, the top portion had elastic that went across the top of her breasts, there were no straps. "Nope!" She giggled. "No place to put one, the straps would show. Besides, I have been topless all day, what's the big deal?" "Oh, nothing." "Do you want me to go change?" She asked, getting a pout on her lips. "No, that is fine. You look good, I was just curious is all." The party was great, there was a dance floor set up on supports right on the beach. The band was playing Mexican style music that was fun to dance to. Dave was really enjoying himself, normally he didn't like to dance much but it was one of those times that he found it fun. They had just sat down to rest when Carlos walked up to their table. "Good evening! I hope you and the lady are enjoying the music?" He said, smiling. "Yes, they are very good." Janet told him, sipping her drink. "May I ask the lady for the next dance?" He asked Dave. Instantly that one night when the man named Randy had asked just like that popped into his head. "Sure, but just one, I am getting tired." Janet smiled, hopping up before Dave could open his mouth to tell Carlos no. They drifted out onto the dance floor, it was a fairly fast song so Dave relaxed. He was doing some Spanish style dance, Janet picked up on it almost instantly. Carlos took her hand and did some spins, Dave found himself enjoying watching Janet's fluid movements like he always did. Then as they moved across the floor, Carlos spun her again, right in front of the stage. Dave realized with a shock that he could see right through the dress due to the lights behind her, and Janet was obviously naked underneath it! It was just for an instant, but he had not realized up until that exact moment. He started to get to his feet but mercifully the song ended. Carlos returned her to the table, said thank you and left. "What's wrong? Are you mad that I danced with Carlos?" "No." Dave lied. "But why don't you have any underwear on?" "Oh! Does it show? It's just hot, and this dress is long." "In front of the light it does." "I'm sorry, I didn't even think of that. No one saw me, did they?" "Only about 30 people here. Maybe we better leave." Just then another man came up to Janet and asked her to dance, she told him no with a polite thank you. They walked quietly back down the beach to their room. "What's the matter, honey?" She asked, as soon as they were inside. "I don't know, I just feel odd. It never used to bother me when you danced, or even if someone noticed you but now it does." "I guess I understand that, I'm sorry." Janet went in and changed into a robe. They sat and watched TV the rest of the evening, it took Dave quite a bit of time to find a channel in English. In bed, she reached for him, trying to cuddle up. Dave told her he was sorry, he wasn't in the mood. She turned away and curled up. When he woke up in the middle of the night, Janet wasn't there. He sat up with a start, looking around. The room was dark but he could see a band of light under the bathroom door. When she hadn't come out for several minutes, he got up and walked to the door. Janet was in there, softly crying. Dave went and slipped back into bed, pretending sleep. He felt her slide back under the covers a bit later, and lay there for a long time, feeling terrible. The next day they went down to the beach. Janet kept her top on this time, Dave didn't even mention that he noticed that. He proceeded to get roaring drunk. Along towards afternoon, Carlos came by and asked them if they needed anything, Dave told him "No!" in a loud voice. "Very well, sir." He quickly left. "That was rude, Dave." Janet told him. "The guy is paying too damn much attention to you!" He snarled. "Oh, honey. He is just a waiter, and he is just a kid." "Yea, sure." Dave got up and stumbled back to the room. He lay down, his head was swimming. Then he got sick, barely managed to make it to the bathroom. The last thing he remembered was Janet sitting there, washing his face with a cool wet towel. When he woke up, it was dark. He had no idea what time it was. He called out for Janet, there was no answer. He went out onto the balcony, she wasn't there. He dug around and found his watch, it was nearly one in the morning. Back inside, he drank a huge glass of water, then took off to find her. She wasn't in the bar, there was no sign of her anywhere. He turned and headed for the beach, she had to be down there. He was just passing back by their suite with no sign at all of her when he saw the headlights of one of the little 4 wheel ATV's the hotel used on the beaches. As it got closer, he realized Janet was in the passenger seat, Carlos was driving. Carlos pulled up and stopped. "I am bringing your wife home, sir. She is very drunk." "How did this happen?" He demanded. "I do not know, sir. I found her on the beach with several men, she was in danger there so I brought her home to you." "Hi David! Are you still being an asshole?" Janet yelled, slurring her words. "Come on, honey. Let's go home." "Why? I am just out doing what all whores do, I am partying!" "Janet! Come on now." "Oh, you can get drunk and be a prick but I can't? Well fuck you and the horse you..." She leaned over and threw up on the sand. Dave went around and supported her as she retched. Then when he tried to get her out of the machine she yelled. "No! I am not going with you, I will stay here with Carlos. He likes me don't you Carlos? I bet you want to fuck me, right Carlos? Dave doesn't want to he hates me." She leaned over and threw up again. Then she mercifully passed out. Dave gathered her up in his arms. "Nothing happened, did it? They didn't do anything to her?" He asked Carlos. "I do not know, sir. I don't think so. When I saw her she was...dancing on the sand but I think that is all that happened. The club called me when she left with them, so I went to check." "Thank you." "Take good care of her sir. She is a fine woman, she is just upset about something." Carlos started the machine and drove off. Dave carried Janet inside and lay her on the bed. She had on that same flimsy dress she wore at the dance and nothing else, not even shoes. He stripped her dress off with a struggle, she was totally limp. Carefully looking at her, he saw there were some small bruises in her right breast, another high up on her thigh. Her arms also had bruises on both biceps. She moaned when he pressed her legs open to check her vagina. He couldn't really tell for sure, she didn't look like she had been raped. He reached down to touch her, while she felt slightly damp he just couldn't tell. She moaned softly again when he did that, mumbled "No!", trying to pull away. He covered her and tucked her in snugly, then went and sat in the chair by her side. This was all his fault, he felt, he had been being so hard on her and while he was upset with her, he knew he was every bit as guilty. She could have been raped, even killed. Finally he dozed off. The next morning when he woke up, she was still asleep. She stirred when he washed her face down with a damp towel but that was all. It was nearly evening before she opened her eyes. She sat up with a groan, held her head. "Oh, God, what did I do?" She asked. "You got pretty drunk, I guess." "I'm sorry." "Don't be, I did the same thing yesterday." "Yesterday? What day is today?" "Thursday, I think." "Oh, God." She moaned. She got up, looked down. "I'm naked." "I undressed you, Carlos brought you home last night." "Carlos? Oh no! Did I...?" "No. Carlos turned out to be all right. He found you at some beach party with some men. That's all I know." Janet went in and climbed in the shower, she was in there for a good half hour. Dave sat and quietly waited. He was all but over his own hangover. Finally Janet came out with only a towel wrapped around her waist. She sat down, gave him a sheepish look. "What happened?" She asked him. "I don't know, you tell me." "You were asleep, and sick. I walked down to the bar to get a drink. I was just talking to Maria, the bartender when some man bought me a drink, then another one. I think I got drunk." "No kidding." "The man was nice, he was going to walk me home, but we didn't go here, we went down the beach. There were three of them and they had a fire built. I remember some music and some dancing but that's all. Everything was strange, I wanted to come home but I just couldn't." "Did anything happen?" "I don't think so, one guy kept grabbing at my boobs but I kept slapping at him. The other guy wasn't so I moved over closer to him, and then I was dancing." She appeared to be trying to think. "Oh! Then Carlos showed up and there was a fight but he took me and we left." "A fight?" "Yes, the one man was mean and told Carlos to get lost and shoved him. Carlos knocked him down and then kicked the other one and we left." "He brought you back to the house, I guess I owe him one." "Yes, Carlos is a real nice boy." "That's all that happened?" "I think so, I was really way too drunk. I remember the music, and the one man kept grabbing at me, but...." "I wonder if they slipped something in your drink? Maybe we had better get you to a Doctor?" "No. I think I am all right." Just then there was a knock at the door. Carlos stood there with a tray, there was a pitcher of juice and two glasses. "I thought you folks could use this about now." He smiled. "Thanks, yes, we probably can." Dave took the tray and set it down. Janet reached for it instantly. That was when Dave realized Janet was sitting there in just a towel around her waist. He realized he didn't care, Carlos had already seen her, and he had seen hundreds of other women. "Come on in, I want to ask you some questions." Dave told him. Carlos stepped in. "Janet tells me you fought over her?" "It was not much of a fight, sir." He smiled. "Well, there were three of them, I want you to know I appreciate your help." "They were all very drunk, sir. I was not. That makes it very easy." "Well, I want you to know that we both thank you." "You are welcome. It is my job, we always go and patrol the beach every night, several times. Then when my bartender called, I went quickly. We take care of our customers." "We?" Dave asked. "Yes, my family owns the resort, sir." He smiled at that. "Enjoy your stay. And it might be best to keep the lady away from the Tequila." He grinned, glanced again at Janet sitting there. "You are a lucky man, sir. Take care of the lady." He gave Dave a serious look, then he left. Dave sat down and thought for a few minutes. Guilt Ch. 04 "Honey? Are you ready to go home?" "Yes. I think I am." It took two days to get a flight, they were on it. As soon as they were settled at home, he called his office to see how things were going. "Smooth as silk," Martha said. "Carla is really pretty good, she finished the Harris account and has a new one, we will bring you up to speed when you come back." "I can come in if you want me to." "No, that's all right. You need the time. How is it going?" She asked. "It could be better I guess." He admitted. "You really are a putz, you know. Don't you go fucking things up with Janet, you hear me?" "Yea, I hear you." Same old Martha, no pulling the punches at all. He hung up. Janet was running the messages on their phone, a bunch of them were from that Molly. He realized that as he walked in and heard her voice. Then the next one came on, it was a man's voice. "I just wanted to say Hi, Babe. Give me a call if you changed your mind, I will be at.." and he left a number. "Randy?" He asked her, already knowing. Janet glanced at him with an upset look on her face. "I'm sorry honey. I don't know why he is still calling, I told him not to." "I think I need to deal with that!" Dave said, reaching for the phone. "Honey, NO! Just let it go, ignore him." "There are some things a man can't ignore, Janet." He told her. "Please?" She stepped in front of him. Frustrated, Dave went into the living room and sat down, picked up one of the newspapers that had stacked up since they forgot to cancel delivery. A week went by fairly peacefully. It felt good to just relax at home, have the kids around. They had a nice outdoor cookout, enjoying the sunshine. Janet's Mom Sandra came by and Dave didn't even think to question her any, life was becoming normal. Dave felt himself responding again, Janet was still making a lot of effort to encourage him during their lovemaking. There were no more calls or upsets. When they did make love, Dave was back to his normal gentle self, although he did make efforts from time to time to be more forceful. Then Saturday night Sandra took the kids so they could go out for dinner. Dave got a table for them at a restaurant they had been wanting to try, it lived up to it's on the expensive side reputation. "Let's stop and listen to some music, maybe dance a few, honey?" She asked on the way home, sitting close to him in the car with her head on his shoulder. "Sure." He pulled into a nightclub they had been to a few times. He never gave that a single thought, they had been there several times in the past. The band was good, they danced a couple of songs, had a drink. Dave was talking to Janet about how little Sarah was up and running now, and beginning to get into everything. Just a normal evening, a night out. "Mind if I ask the lady to dance?" Someone said. Dave looked up and instantly knew, he glanced at Janet and saw the expression on her face. "Yes, I do mind." He said. "That's up to the lady, don't you think, bud?" Randy said with a smirk. "No. It's not!" He stood up suddenly, his chair sliding backwards. A few heads started to turn to look their way at his loud voice. Randy was just standing there with a grin on his face. He was a good two inches taller than Dave. "You need to leave us alone, you need to quit calling our house. Janet doesn't want anything to do with you." "Oh, I bet I can change her mind." Randy said, reaching out to push Dave back. "Keep your hands off of me." Dave told him angrily. The man just laughed and gave him another push. That did it. Dave calmly reached up and trapped Randy's fingers against his own chest, turned them back towards the man. Randy struggled for a moment in surprise but his arm was turned. Now suddenly finding his his hand upside down and his arm outstretched, all Randy could do was grimace and turn away, flailing with his other arm, unable to reach Dave. Dave kicked him in the back of his knee, he went down to the floor. "I asked you to leave us alone, now do you understand?" Dave asked him as he lifted on his fingers. "Let go of me, motherfucker!" He snarled. "I see you don't, let me make it perfectly clear. Janet is my wife, you will stay away from her. If you don't, I will keep these fingers." He lifted again, harder, getting a yell from Randy. "OK! OK! I got it! Let go of me." Dave released him, Randy got to his feet, began to rub his fingers. He had a look of hate on his face. "I will get you!" He snarled, his hands started to come up, his fists clenched. "I don't think so." Dave said, flipping out one hand in a quick backhand, striking Randy in the solar plexus with two fingers. There was a look of surprise and a gush of air as he leaned forward, his hands coming around to protect his stomach. Dave drew back his hand and popped him with the next one in the mouth. His head snapped back, the next one hit in the groin. Randy's eyes went glazed and his legs folded, Dave stepped in and caught him, holding him up. It all happened so quickly that almost no one in the room realized. He looked up to see a very large man approaching. "Can you help me, please? Our friend here has had way too much to drink." Dave gave him a disarming grin. The man looked confused for a moment, then he reached out and helped support Randy. Randy's mouth was working but no sounds were coming out. "Thank you." Dave smiled at the huge bouncer as he let go. "OH! Be careful, he can get violent when he has too much to drink." "OK. Thanks. I'll take care of it." The bouncer steered Randy towards the door. Dave sat back down, Janet just stared at him. "Would you like another drink, honey, or are you ready to go home?" He smiled at her. "I didn't know you could....?" Her eyes were wide in surprise. "Karate classes back in college." He grinned. "Take me home now, honey." She smiled. Dave was like a wild man that night, Janet was mostly naked in the car before they even got home. At one point they were stopped at a stop light and two guys in a Chevy 4 wheel drive pulled up alongside. Dave had put the car in park waiting for the light to change when he heard the wolf whistle, looked up and realized they could see right in at Janet whose dress was pulled down to her waist. The driver blew his horn, a big smile on his face as the man on the passenger side leaned forward to look over at them. "Blow them a kiss, honey!" He grinned, putting the car in drive and taking off quickly. Janet started laughing at that. Hopefully nobody was looking out the windows when they got home, Dave had Janet's dress in his hands, all she had on were her panties as she darted up the steps. It didn't help that they had left the outside light on, he never did find out if anyone noticed. Once again, Dave reclaimed his wife for his own. Finally, he felt at peace. Later, they lay on the living room carpet, both of them soaked in sweat. "Are we going to be all right, honey?" She asked him quietly. "Yea, I think so. You are mine, that is the way it's going to be from now on!" He picked her up and carried her into their bedroom. The next afternoon, Dave walked in to find Janet talking to someone on the phone. She was laughing, then she hung up. "Who was that?" He asked her. "Molly. She called to tell you thank you." "Why would she want to thank me?" "She said that Randy is swollen up so big he can't get his pants on, you really did a number on him." "Why would she be happy about that?" Dave asked. "I think she is pretty mad at him." "Talk about a dysfunctional relationship. Say, let's change our phone number, get one unlisted. I don't want to hear from either one of those people again." "Good idea." "Hey, want to do a symbolic wash?" He grinned. "What? What's that?" "I wash you and you wash me..everywhere. Then it's all gone and no one can ever tell." Dave reached for his shirt buttons. Janet started laughing, as she tugged her blouse over her head. "Where do you keep that thing you use?" He asked, stepping out of his pants. "What thing?" She asked, puzzled. Then it hit her. "Oh, my God! In the top cabinet in the bathroom." She turned and darted for the bathroom, Dave right behind her. He did too, as she stood there with her legs spread, squeezing on the little rubber bulb. They both were giggling, finally he finished. "Now turn around and bend over!" "What?" "Yep, there too." "I will need to go buy a new one of those if you do that." "Oh, well." He told her, holding the nozzle out of the spray from the shower as he rubbed some slick soap on it. +++ A week later, Dave went back to work. Carla had already returned to her job in Dallas. The first two days were normal, then Martha came in. "You are going to hate this, but I need you to fly down to Dallas again." "You are kidding." "I wish I was, but there isn't anyone else to send." She said. "You know I have a little problem about that, right?" "Afraid you won't be able to keep your pants zipped up?" She grinned at him. "Something like that, I just barely have things back to normal at home." He grinned. "You men! So help me, you are all the same. Well, why not just take your wife with you? For protection?" She laughed at her own joke. "Sure, that should work." "OK, then. I will book the flight and hotel room. On the company, too. I am glad you are back." She turned to leave. At the door, she looked back with a grin. "Say, David? If you ever get in the mood again, why not just send a little my way?" Dave blinked, surprised. "I won't tell. I know you would like to, I have seen the way you look at me sometimes." She grinned. "Martha!" She tipped her head back and laughed, then went into her own office. Dallas? Oh, man. But with Janet there, he figured he could keep things under control. He reached for the phone to call Janet, tell her to pack for a short trip. Dallas he was sure he could handle, keep things peaceful. He knew he had to. But now it was his own office that was a worry. Martha? For God's sakes, sure she was attractive and just a few years older, but he had never even dreamed that she was thinking about him like that. But there was no way in hell, he knew that. Dave sighed, he thought he could deal with it, keep things under control there, too. He shook his head, for a moment he thought of Carla but that vision was quickly replaced by his wife. He felt content, he knew where he belonged. +++ Janet sat quietly in their living room, thinking. She was happy that Dave called, wanting her to go with him on the trip. She was over being upset that Dave had been with Carla, now he seemed to be even more attentive to her when he was home. She wanted to make it work, she had to. She knew she was completely in love with her wonderful man. That night at the resort in Mexico flashed back into her mind. Dave had been upset, irritated about Carlos. But Carlos was just a boy to her, she had felt flattered that he appeared to like her. Not once had he ever said or done anything at all out of line. She had been so upset the evening before at all of his suspicions, after Dave was asleep she had gone into the bathroom and shut the door, sitting there quietly crying. Then Dave had gotten so terribly drunk the next day. Janet had never seen him like that. She had sat by the bed, then feeling terrible, she walked down the beach to have a drink. She needed to be around someone, anyone to talk to. Those same dark clouds were starting in again. Maria was there, she chatted with her. Then an older man had bought her a drink. He looked grandfatherly, kind, so they talked politely. She remembered him telling her he would walk her back to their suite, that part was a blur but she remembered wanting to check on Dave. Then she had seen the small bonfire, heard the music. The one man had been bothering her, she moved closer to the older man for his protection. He put his arm around her shoulder, then somehow she felt her elbows being held. Hands were on her bare breast from behind, the older man had her dress pulled up. Janet had felt the sensations of being helpless as the man reached down and pressed his fingers against her bare sex. Her body slammed into her first orgasm, she could not stop it. He pressed his small penis inside her as she stood, other hands all over her at the same time. She felt her body begin to respond again, that warm feeling deep inside her began to grow. She felt another much larger erection, pressed into her hand. Suddenly she knew she didn't want this. "Stop that!" She protested, but he didn't stop. He kept on thrusting at her as she tried in vain to free her arms. She had just stopped struggling and begun to go with the sensations when she saw the lights. Carlos was there, the hands let her go. There were some shouts, there was a struggle, one man fell, then the other, and the older man ran. Janet felt sick. Carlos reached out and took her hand, led her meekly to the vehicle. He reached over and gently tugged the top of her dress back up, started the machine and headed down the beach towards their suite. She remembered Carlos telling Dave that she had been "dancing on the sand" but she didn't remember doing that. The next thing she knew Dave was carrying her into their room. Did Dave know? Did he suspect? If he did, he never mentioned it. Now they were home. Home felt good, safe, but not when she was alone. She got up and went into the kitchen, way back in the rear of the bottom shelf where she kept the pots and pans was the little bottle. The medicine her Doctor had told her to take, the same medicine that Dave worried about her taking. She had stopped because of Dave's worry about it. She took one of the pills, put the bottle back. In just a few minutes, a smile came onto her face. From now on, she would be careful, and always take them with her wherever she went. Janet went back into their bedroom and began to pack for the trip to Dallas. A small tear trickled down her cheek even while she smiled. She wiped it with the back of her hand. She knew had gone with the man willingly, even drunk she had known, or suspected what was probably going to happen. Something powerful pulled her, it was like she could not think. When she saw the others there, their huge grins, she was sure, but still she did not resist, run. There was no control. That wasn't what she wanted, she knew that. What she wanted was her family, her husband Dave. Janet also knew that in the future, she would need to be very careful. She was not sure she could ever trust herself again. She also knew she would never tell Dave. Not now, not ever. Telling him of her last mistake had led to all of the rest, she thought. It would have to be her secret, her burden. She was finished with the packing when Dave got home that night. She had also prepared his favorite meal. The chicken was fried perfectly, using her Mom's special recipe. The gravy was hot and bubbling, she had carefully stirred in the few pinches of brown sugar that she knew Dave liked. Her timing was perfection, ready the moment Dave walked in the door. She had showered and fixed her hair, put on a trace of makeup, even dabbing a tiny drop of the perfume she knew he liked on. "Something smells good, hon." He said, kissing her on the tip of the nose, his hand lightly brushing her side. She smiled at that. It felt so nice, so normal. They ate and chatted about his day, he had finished the new contract. Later, they sat on the couch and watched some TV, she leaned her head on his shoulder, he reached down and held her hand. It was peaceful, with the kids over at her Mother's. She knew Dave would want to make love to her, she was hoping he would anyway. She wanted his gentle self, that was normal and it was just fine. Today everything was fine. Tomorrow? She would not worry about that until then. Dave stood up, clicked off the TV. He looked at Janet, so beautiful. She was the only thing on his mind. He was hoping she was in the mood, he knew he was. She smiled and slipped into his arms, for a soft kiss. "Ready for bed?" He asked her. "I have been ready all day, honey!" He grinned and took her hand, they headed for the bedroom. For today? Everything was just fine.