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Brenda & Ian Ch. 01

By: Tony155



Friday, March 12

The student cafeteria wasn't crowded that day as Ian took a spot near the front. He piled his backpack and jacket on a chair next to him, stretched his legs, and waited for his cousin. Ian, a veterinary medicine major, had finished his last final of the winter quarter and looked forward to the spring break that awaited him. He had no specific plans for the break, but since his parents were on vacation in Russia, Finland, or God knows where else, he had the house to himself and could do pretty much what he wanted. No, he wasn't going to throw party after party, mainly because most of his friends were going to Florida or Texas to a nice, warm beach. Secondly, he didn't hang around with the big party crowd and wasn't much of a partier anyway. Besides, the neighbors would stand in line to tell his parents once they returned home.

Ian glanced at his watch and frowned. He was getting pretty hungry and thought that Brenda would have been there by now. She almost always beat him there and it was unusual for her to be late for anything. They tried to meet weekly for lunch, but sometimes it would be a couple weeks or a month between meetings because of classes or other scheduling malfunctions. He knew that she had had a final that morning, but thought that she would have been finished by now.

He was just about to give up and get in line when he saw her bound into the cafe full of energy, her short brown hair flying everywhere.

"Sorry I'm late," she said as she dumped her books into the chair with Ian's stuff. "The test was a little harder than I expected, plus the grad asses were late. Anyway, I'm here, so what's on the menu?"

"It's the same as always," Ian said as he got up to go to the chow line. Brenda followed and looked at the choices. Ian already had a slice of pizza on his plate and was reaching for a sub sandwich. Brenda didn't really see anything that appealed to her, so she selected a salad and a coke. Ian paid for the meals, he insisted, and they made their way back to the table.

Once they were settled, Ian asked her the question that led off most of their discussions, "So, you still a virgin?"

Brenda rolled her eyes like she always did when he asked the question first. "Of course I am. Want to check?"

"Sure, you want to do it here or go to my house?"

Brenda shook the table a bit with her hands. "This seems sturdy enough, let's do it here."

"Alrighty then...." Ian slapped his hands on the table as Brenda started to giggle. Ian smiled and leaned back in his chair.

"Well, what about you?" Brenda asked.

"Chaste as a newborn."

"Is there any hope for us?"

"God, I hope so," Ian said laughing, "but this is getting kind of old, you know."

"It sure is," Brenda agreed between bites. "Maybe I'll find someone after I graduate. I sure haven't done very well in my four years here."

"You'll be too busy with your MBA to worry about guys."

"Thanks for helping me with that picture," she replied disgustedly. "You could at least give me some hope for the near future.

"Anything for you, cuz."

The banter continued throughout the meal as they shared their day with each other. They mostly talked about spring break and their plans for it. Brenda had no plans, either, so they decided to hang out together since neither were dating anyone at that time. Truthfully, they preferred each other's company to anyone that they had dated recently, so it made sense to them. They finished their lunches quickly and talked for almost another hour. Finally, as it approached two o'clock, they packed up to go home.

"Well, Ian," Brenda said as she slipped her coat on, "I guess I'll see you next week sometime. Give me a call Sunday and we'll work out some plans."

"Sure," he replied, "but if you don't hear from me by noon, call me and wake up my lazy ass!"

"Okay," laughed Brenda, "I'll do that." She smiled at Ian as her brown eyes sparkled. Ian always loved to look at her eyes because they reminded him of a fawn's eyes. They were easily her best feature. "Well, I'll talk to you later," she said after she gave him a friendly peck on the cheek.

"Okay, see you," he called after her before she disappeared into a crowd. Within seconds, she was gone and Ian picked up his backpack and left.

It was after ten o'clock in the evening and Ian's body was telling him that it was time to go to bed. He was in his dad's study listening to the stereo; his was on the fritz and his dad's was awesome. He turned off the stereo, left the study and started the long climb of stairs to his room. He was but halfway up when the phone began to ring from the room below. He debated on whether or not to answer it, but curiosity got the best of him. Since his mom and dad had been on vacation for the past two weeks, he thought that it might be them checking in, as they liked to do.  He reached the phone on the fifth ring and answered it in the most pleasant voice that he could muster, considering how tired he was.

"Hello, Nicks residence, Ian speaking."

A frantic voice answered on the other end, "Oh Ian, thank God you answered!" Brenda cried.

"What's wrong Brenda? What's up?" Ian asked, alarmed by the tone of her voice.

"Mom and dad have been in a terrible accident. We're at the University Hospital. Please come, I'm so scared!"

"Okay, okay," Ian said, suddenly alert, "how bad are they?"

"I don't know!" she sobbed. "No one's told me anything. Please, please come," she pleaded.

"Sure, sure, Brenda. I'll be there as soon as possible," he assured her.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," she said between sobs. "I didn't know who else to call."

Ian said, "I'll be there in a few minutes. Just hang on."

"Okay, I will. Thank you, Ian."

"Anything for you, I'll be there soon."

Ian hung up the phone quickly, turned, and ran up the stairs two at a time to his room. Once there, he grabbed his wallet, keys, and some money and then hurried down the stairs to the kitchen. Before he opened the door to the garage, he turned off most of the lights and set the alarm system.

Once in the garage, Ian pressed the switch to open the garage door. It was raining heavily and knowing his Uncle Harry's driving habits, Ian figured that Harry got careless on the slick pavement and slid off the road. And knowing his driving habits, Ian knew that he would have to be extra careful unless he wanted to end up in a bed next to his aunt and uncle. Ian got into his BMW 325i and started the engine. It turned over quietly and he switched off the stereo so that he could concentrate on his driving. He pulled out of the garage and pressed the button to close the garage door. Normally, it would take only about fifteen minutes to get to the University Hospital, but the hard rain would make it a bit longer. He put the car into gear and left his house behind.

Brenda sat in a chair by the nurses station, waiting for news, any news about her parents. She had been there for about an hour and a half and no one had come to talk to her. She was getting scared, frustrated, and angry because of the lack of information. Brenda had spoken to two nurses who said that they would get back to her, but neither one had returned. No one was at the desk at this time, so she couldn't vent her frustration at anyone. Just when she was about to go through the doors of the emergency room and find out for herself, a nurse called her name from the emergency room door that she had just opened. Brenda picked up her purse and jacket and went to the nurse. She led her past bed after bed until they were at the end and only a small waiting room was left. Two doctors in green scrubs were inside and the nurse opened the door and motioned Brenda to enter. 

"Miss Barringer, please be seated, " said the first doctor, a tall, red head with black glasses.

Brenda did as asked and said, "How are they? When can I see them?"

The doctors exchanged glances and the second doctor, an elderly man with a huge nose, said, "I'm afraid we have some bad news for you."

Out on the road, Ian took his time and took no chances. He really wanted to be there for Brenda, who was his only cousin on his mom's side of the family and they were extremely close, unlike his mom and uncle. Even as youths, they never got along and because of a big fight five years prior, had not spoken to each other since. Oddly, they had never tried to keep Ian and Brenda apart. Brenda was twenty-two and in her last year of college, whereas Ian was twenty-one and one class behind. They rarely saw each other on campus because of their differing majors, but their lunch dates were becoming legendary. Ian's father was particularly upset at his choice of major, since he wanted Ian to follow him in the oil business.

"A vet is a waste of time," he kept saying, "at least be an MD and make some decent money." He finally relented when Ian assured him that because of his love of horses, he would specialize in thoroughbreds, noting his dad's weakness for the ponies. Ian lied, of course, but the subject rarely came up after that.

Brenda had had an older brother, Ryan, a troubled youth who grew into an even more troubled adult. Six years her elder, she adored him and tried to help him through his problems. That all came to an end three years ago when the heroin that he shot into his arm was a bit too pure for his heart to handle. Devastated and faulting herself for his death, Brenda spiraled into a deep depression that caused her to drop out of school for half a year. Through grit, determination, and a lot of prodding from Ian, she pulled herself out of her darkness and attacked her studies with a renewed vengeance.

"I finally realized," she confided in Ian later, "that he was going to kill himself no matter what I or anyone did."

Thinking about that time brought tears to Ian's eyes that matched the rain pouring on his windshield. Although the wipers were on high, Ian still found it hard to see.

Even after Ryan's funeral, which Ian's mom refused to attend, their parents never interfered. Ian guessed that they figured that they would see each other at school, so what was the difference? But, Ian also thought that his aunt and uncle were grateful to him for helping Brenda so much during that dark period.

Ian looked forward to their lunches very much. They were lively and they always had stories to share about their continuing love-life saga, or lack thereof. Both dated occasionally, but they never seemed to find the right person to really click with. They seemed to resign themselves to the fact that marriage was not in the immediate future for either of them. Ian always found it hard to believe that Brenda didn't have that much success dating. Although she was not a glamour queen, she was quite pretty and Ian would have dated her in a heartbeat. She was about five feet seven inches tall and around one hundred and forty pounds. Athletically built, she had played volleyball in high school and was honorable mention all-state in her senior year. She played her first year in college, but her playing time was low and after Ryan's death, she lost interest. She still worked out in a gym three times a week with weight training and aerobics and seemed to have the energy of three people. However, it was her eyes that set her apart from most girls. They were big, brown, and doe-like. They could melt you like spring butter or put you in your place with a glare. She had flared them but once at Ian and that was enough for him. He had suggested that she not waste her energy on her addict brother; that she would wear herself out eventually. But, she had other ideas and told Ian where he could put his suggestion. Ian never brought up the subject again and supported her the best that he could, although he detested Ryan for putting his family through so much hell.

Ian pulled into the emergency entrance and he glanced at his watch. It had taken him almost a half hour to get there. The lot was about half full as he looked for a parking space. Seeing Brenda's car, he parked as close to it as possible.

Trying not to get thoroughly soaked, Ian ran to the doors of the emergency entrance and stepped through when they opened. Looking left and right, he didn't see his brown-haired cousin, only strangers. As Ian approached the desk, he saw Brenda come out of a room down the hall to his left. Head down, she slowly sank down to a crouched position, her back still against the wall. Ian excused himself from the nurse who had just arrived to help and he hurried down the corridor. Hearing footsteps coming towards her, Brenda looked up with tears streaming down her face. She quickly straightened up and with her arms outstretched, she ran to Ian. When they met, she threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, crying hysterically. Holding her close, trying to comfort her, Ian said nothing as she sobbed, her shoulders convulsing and hugging him as if her life depended on it. 

After a few minutes, Brenda composed herself and pushed away from him, her eyes puffy, red, and filled with tears. Before Ian could say anything, she whispered, "Daddy's dead and mom's not going to make it, either." Brenda then threw herself into his arms again, crying, while all Ian could do was hold her.

Minutes later, Ian led her to a nearby waiting room that was unoccupied and sat her down on one of the small sofas. Ian was still holding her and letting her vent her anguish as he tried to think through the events and what was to come. Brenda was now alone, or would be shortly, except for himself and a smattering of relatives scattered about. He wondered what would become of her and whether she would be able to handle such a terrible tragedy so soon after her brother's death.

After a minute or two, Brenda broke the embrace once more. She looked at Ian with tear-welled eyes and then looked down. Ian reached into his pocket and produced a clean handkerchief and handed it to her. Grateful, she took it from him and began to dab her eyes. Even in her anguish and sorrow, she somehow managed a small smile. She tried to give it back to Ian, but he held her hand in both of his and told her to keep it.

"Thank you, you're so sweet," she said, trying to choke back her tears. Ian stared at her blankly as an awkward silence fell between them. There were so many things that Ian wanted to ask or say but couldn't. Brenda looked down at the knotted cloth in her hand as tears started to fall freely once more. Ian released her hand and she held the cloth to her face.

"They let me see him," she continued.

"They did?"

"Yeah. They tried to clean him and make him look better before they let me in." She dabbed her eyes once more. "It was awful. I mean his face was battered and bruised like he'd been in a fight or something." She stopped to blow her nose. "One side was purple and swollen. It was just awful!" Brenda struggled to keep her composure.

"How did it happen?" Ian dared to ask.

"No one seems to know. The police are still there, I suppose."

"What about your mom?"

"Well," Brenda said slowly, trying to remain calm, "she's basically brain-dead and they're running tests before they ask me to give permission to end life support." Brenda looked up and tried to blink some tears away.

"You don't know how sorry I am. If there's anything that I can do for you..."

"You're here," she interrupted, "that's all that matters to me now." She settled her head onto Ian's chest and sighed heavily. "Please hold me and don't let go," she whispered.

"Of course," Ian said softly as he wrapped his arms around her. Ian kissed her on top of her head and tried to push a few strands of hair from her face. An hour later, as Ian was stroking her cheek with the back of his hand, a nurse came into the room.

"Miss Barringer," she said, "it's time."

"Time?" Brenda blinked, not comprehending.

"The doctors want to talk to you," she said softly.

Ian glanced at the clock on the wall and it was almost midnight. He released his hold and stood up slowly. Looking down at his cousin, Ian saw that she was making no effort to leave the sofa.

"Brenda," Ian said quietly. Slowly, she looked up at him, her eyes scared beyond terror.

"I can't," she said helplessly.

"I'll be with you," Ian said, extending his hand to her.

"I...I...can't!" she wailed, tears erupting once again.

"I'll be with you," Ian said again, softly, reassuring.

"I don't think I can do it," she whispered, barely audble.

"I won't let you be alone. I'll be right beside you," he said earnestly.

"Please don't leave me," she begged.

"Never."

Slowly, she eased herself from the sofa. Brenda took Ian's hand to steady herself and nodded to the nurse to lead the way. Holding hands, they followed the nurse to a conference room not far from where they had been. It was a small room with a round table that seated six. Two doctors rose from their seats as they entered. One was a short, squat, middle aged gentleman and the other was a tall female with unremarkable features. The nurse showed them to their seats and they sat down, as did the doctors. The male doctor spoke first.

"I am Dr. Haynes and this is Dr. Mulcahy," he said as he gestured to the female. "First, I want to convey my heartfelt condolences to you. I know this is a terrible time for you and I'm sorry."

"Thank you," Brenda said softly, looking down at her hand still being held by Ian's.

"We've gotten the results of the test, " he continued, "and I'm sorry, but we see no hope for your mother recovering."

Brenda closed her eyes tightly and wept silently.

"There is no brainwave activity and she's living only because of the life support system. It is my opinion and that of Dr. Mulcahy's that it would be best to turn off the life support and let nature take its course."

Brenda looked up and faced the doctors. "There's no chance at all?" she asked quietly.

"No, dear," Dr. Mulcahy answered, "there's too much head trauma and her kidneys and other organs are beginning to shut down."

"I see." Brenda looked down blankly, eyes fixed on her lap. "What do you want from me?" she asked finally, dreading the answer.

Dr. Haynes said, "We'd like for you to give permission to turn off the life support and end your mother's suffering."

"I see," she said again, but made no further comment. The doctors waited patiently for her to say more. Her shoulders began to shake slightly as the tears began to fall once more. Ian put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. She looked at him, her eyes pleading for help.

"I don't know what to do!" she cried as she laid her head on his hand.

Ian looked at her and then at the doctors. "Could you excuse us for a few minutes?" he asked.

"Of course," Dr. Haynes replied, "we'll be right outside." The doctors left the room quietly and they were alone.

After the door shut, Brenda pushed back her chair abruptly and walked to the other side of the room with her back to Ian. Not knowing what to say, Ian remained silent. Brenda remained still, her hands clasped in front of her at her waist. Without warning, she slammed her right palm against the wall.

"I can't do it!" she cried as she hit the wall again. "I can't do it! I can't do it!" She fell to her knees, crying hysterically. "I can't do it, I can't do it," she said over and over again.

Ian rushed to her side and tried to hold her, but she shook him off, not wanting to be touched. She rocked back back and forth, hugging herself and sobbing as Ian stood helplessly nearby. A few minutes later, she let Ian hold her as she started to calm down little by little.

"I can't do this," she whispered as she looked at him, "I'd be killing her. I couldn't live with that."

"Sweetheart, she's already dead. You heard what the doctors said. The only reason she's alive is because of a machine. She's not really living."


Brenda & Ian Ch. 01



"I know, but..."

"Let me ask you something."

"Okay."

"Would your mom want to live like this? Would she want to be alive only because a machine was breathing for her?"

Brenda looked down, knowing that Ian was right. "Never. She would never want to be like this."

Ian moved around until he was facing her. He put both hands on her shoulders and said, "You wouldn't be killing her. You would be giving her a gift, a gift to be with your dad. This is one last thing that you can do for her." He looked deep into her beautiful eyes. "I think it's something that she'd want you to do."

Brenda looked down and sighed heavily. Shaking her head back and forth, she said, "I just don't want to let go. Daddy's already gone..."

"I know..."

"No, you don't know!" she snapped. "You have no idea. My father is dead and now, they want me to pull the plug on my mom. Besides going to class, what big decision did you make today? What tee shirt to wear? This is a little bit tougher than that!"

"I'm not trying to trivialize it, Brenda."

"Damn it, I know," she cried, "but I can't let go." Brenda looked down, ashamed of her weakness. She took the handkerchief from her pocket and wiped her eyes and nose with it. "I know I should do it. I know that she'll never recover. I know that she would want it done this way. God, how can I do it? How can I allow my mother to die?"

Ian had no answer for her as he looked blankly at her face.

"Shit!" she said to no one in particular. Standing up, she walked to the door and motioned for the doctors to come in.

"I'm ready," she said when they entered.

"Are you sure?" Dr. Mulcahy asked, looking her straight in the eye.

"Yes. I just want to be there."

"Of course you can, Miss Barringer. Whenever you're ready, we have some paperwork for you to sign."

They entered the room where Brenda's mother lay. It seemed as cold and lifeless as the person in the bed. Ian thought that the patient in the bed looked like his Aunt Alice, but her features were distorted from the bandages and bruising. The only sounds in the room were the whirring and clicking of machines that were keeping her alive. Two nurses moved around them and prepared Alice for her journey. Brenda nudged Ian and led him to Alice's bedside. She immediately took her mother's hand and held it, while reaching for Ian's with the other. She remained motionless, staring down at her mother's battered and scarred body. Numerous times, Brenda squeezed Ian's hand, sometimes so tight that he thought that his fingers would break. Dr. Haynes and Dr. Mulcahy arrived a short time later, slipping into the room so quietly that Ian almost didn't notice. They talked to the nurses in hushed tones and glanced at Brenda every few seconds.

A few minutes later, Dr. Mulcahy moved over to Brenda and said, "Whenever you're ready, please take as much time as you need."

Brenda nodded, "I'm ready. I've said my good-byes." Brenda then leaned over the railing and kissed her mother on the cheek. With tears streaming down her face, she said, "I love you, mom." She straightened up and backed away, still holding her mom's hand.

Dr. Haynes went over to the machines and started to flip switches. The whirring and clicking stopped and the only sound was the heart monitor's slow, irregular beat. Within a few minutes, her breathing became shallower and her heartbeat, slower. They watched her chest rise and fall, rise and fall, and then it stopped. Ian looked at the monitor and it had gone flat. Dr. Haynes noted on the medical chart that the time of death was 2:38 a.m.

The doctors and nurses left them alone after a few minutes. Brenda stayed composed as her mother's once warm hand became cool and her skin turned a gray-blue color. It may have been a few minutes or a few hours, Ian didn't know how long they stayed. He didn't care. After a while, Brenda eased her grip on Ian's hand and began to massage it with her thumb. 

She looked up at him and said, "Mom says that it's okay to go now." She put her mother's hand on the bed, patted it, and then turned and left the room with Ian following. Ian didn't know what transpired during those last few minutes and the subject was never brought up, but it gave Brenda peace and closure.

The sky was dark and still when they left the hospital. Although it had stopped raining, the air felt heavy. Ian inhaled deeply, taking in the cool, fresh air as opposed to the sterile hospital atmosphere. It felt good to be outside. Hands in his pockets, Ian stared at the moon for a few moments. It glowed like a beacon, lighting the sky for all to see. Brenda interlocked her arm with his and put her head against his shoulder. Ian broke his gaze and started to walk towards his car.

As they neared his car, Brenda said, "Mine's over there." She pointed to the right.

"I know. I'll drive you home."

"I can drive."

"No."

"You can follow me."

"No, we'll pick your car up later. Come on."

"Okay," she said sadly.

They drove in silence, both too tired and sad to say anything. When they arrived at her house ten minutes later, Ian walked her to the door. As she fumbled for her keys, she asked, "Come in for a few minutes?"

"Sure."

She found the right key and the door opened noiselessly. Brenda flipped on a few lights as they entered the foyer. Ian had always liked their house, a large two story Tudor that had five bedrooms and three baths. They had an in-ground pool and a tennis court. They walked into the living room and then to the kitchen.

"I need some water," she said as she turned on the light. Want some?" she asked over her shoulder.

"That would be fine," he answered.

As she neared the sink, Brenda noticed the light blinking on the answering machine that was on the bar. She pressed a button to hear the messages.

"You have one message," the machine said.

Brenda took two glasses from the cupboard and filled them from the tap as the message started to play.

"Harry, this is Roger. Give me a call tonight or this weekend. Thanks. Bye."

"Time of message, 9:45 p.m. Save or delete?" the machine asked.

Brenda ignored it and went to the refrigerator to get some ice cubes.

"Who's Roger?" Ian asked, although it was none of his business.

"Mom and dad's partner," she said solemnly. "I guess I should call him." Her parents had been lawyers and owners of a large firm with Roger Rigsby, the caller.

"It's pretty late," Ian said, noting his watch.

"He needs to know," she replied. She handed Ian a glass and set hers down by the phone. There was a personal phone book nearby and she thumbed through it until she found his number.

As she dialed, Ian asked, "Do you want some privacy?" Brenda shook her head and reached for his hand. Once she finished dialing, there was a long pause. After seven or eight rings, the call was answered on the other line.

"Hello," the old, familiar voice said, tired, but alert.

"Uncle Roger, it's me, Brenda.

"What is the matter, dear? It is very late."

"I know it's late. I'm sorry. But...."

"But what, dear? What is wrong?"

"It's mom and dad." Brenda stopped and tried to remain calm. "They've been in an accident and, and they didn't make it." She sighed and tried to keep from crying.

"Oh no, oh dear!" Roger exclaimed. "Are you okay, dear? Are you alright?"

"I'm okay, Uncle Roger. I wasn't with them."

"Thank goodness you are okay. Have you spoken to anyone else?"

"Just my cousin, Ian. He's been with me the entire night."

"I want you to listen very carefully, Brenda," he said sternly. He wanted to remain composed for her sake.

"Okay."

"I have been entrusted with your parent's will and I am the executor of the will. I want you to leave everything to me. I will take care of everything, understand?"

"Yes, sir," she said meekly.

"Do you think that you can come to the office sometime today? Late in the afternoon so that you can get some rest."

"Yes, I can be there. What time?"

"Would four o'clock suffice?"

"That would be fine, Uncle Roger. Thank you so much."

"What hospital are they at?" he asked apprehensively.

"What?" she asked.

"What hospital were your parents brought to?" he asked gently.

"The University Hospital," she replied.

"Fine. I will take care of everything."

"Thank you."

"See you at four, dear. Thank you for calling me. If you need anything, anything at all, you call me."

"Thank you, I will Uncle Roger.

Roger sat down in a nearby chair and did something that he hadn't done since his mother died twenty-seven years earlier. He cried.

Brenda put down the receiver and started to breathe heavily, trying to control her emotions. She let go of Ian's hand and steadied herself on the back of the chair. Once she was under control again, she looked at Ian with her sad, brown eyes. Ian really missed seeing them sparkle and shine, but he knew that it would be quite a long time before he saw that again. He looked back at her expectedly.

"He's such a sweet man," she said softly. Ian nodded. "He said that everything will be taken care of, that I needn't worry about anything. He has the will and he's the executor. He wants to see me tomorrow, I mean today at four. Will you come with me?"

"Of course, I will," Ian said. He took a large gulp from from his glass, almost emptying it. Brenda still hadn't touched hers. An awkward moment of silence followed as the steady tick, tick, tick of the kitchen clock became louder. Ian finished the rest of his water, walked to the sink and emptied the ice. He put the glass in the sink where others were situated.

As Ian turned back to her, he cleared his throat and said, "It's really late. Do you want me to stay?"

"Please stay."

"I'll need to call my folks."

"Call them from here."

"I don't know where they are. They could be in Russia, Finland, or Norway right now. Their schedule's at home."

"Please stay," she pleaded. "I don't want to be alone in this house tonight." Tears again began to well in her eyes as they melted Ian. He could never say no to her. She continued, "We've got plenty of room...even more now..."

"Okay," Ian said softly, "I'll stay. But, I'll need to go home and make some calls and pack a bag. I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise." Ian started to to head to the door.

When they got to the door, Ian asked, "You okay?" She nodded, yes. "I should be back in an hour."

"Okay," she replied. "I'll have a room ready for you."

"All right," he said as he stepped into the cool March morning. Brenda watched him pull away, hugging herself, until he was out of sight. Ian watched her in the rear view mirror until he rounded the bend.

Ian wasn't as tired as he thought he'd be noting that it was after four in the morning, especially since he was ready to go to bed six hours earlier. The ride home was uneventful and he didn't hurry too much. When Ian got home, he went directly to his father's study where he had the itinerary and phone numbers in his neat script on a legal pad. They were supposed to be in Helsinki that day, but Ian had no clue as to what time it was there. He called the overseas operator and gave him the information. After a few seconds, a strange recorded language spoke to him. He assumed that it was Finnish and waited a few seconds. Finally, an English recording came on and asked him to press "2" for an English speaking person. Ian pressed "2" and a real voice came through his earpiece.

"Helsinki Grande Hotel. May I help you?" a very pretty voice purred at him, almost breathless.

"Adrian Nicks' room, please." 

"One moment, I'll connect you. Please hold," she purred.

The phone was picked up immediately on the first ring. "Adrian Nicks speaking," he commanded.

"Hi dad, it's Ian."

"What a surprise, Ian. I'm expecting a really important call right now. Can this wait?"

"I really need to talk to mom. Is she there?"

"She's resting. What's the problem?" he asked impatiently.

Ian sighed and said, "Uncle Harry and Aunt Alice died in a car accident last night. I thought that you and mom would want to know."

"Yes, of course we would want to know about that. I'll tell your mother when she wakes..."

"Could I talk to her now?" Ian interrupted.

"Ian, I must keep this line open. Thank you for calling us, but I must go."

"I see," Ian said as he sensed his father's temper rising. "If you want to contact me, I'll be at Brenda's for a day or so."

"Brenda's?" his father asked, his interest piqued.

"Yes, she asked me to stay with her."

"Why?"

"She's got no one else and she scared, dad!" Ian answered, a bit angry, also.

"Yes, I see," his father replied. "Well..."

"I won't tie up your line any longer. Have mom call me when she wants to."

"Okay, Ian, we'll be in touch. Good-bye."

"Bye."

When Ian hung up the phone, he was incensed that a business call was more important to his father than hearing about a family member's death. Unfortunately, his father was power and money hungry and was like a shark in blood-infested waters when a deal was about to be struck. Oil and money, money and oil, the two were interchangeable with him. Ian knew that he shouldn't complain because his father's money and power had given him many wonderful things in his short life. However, sometimes, it seemed that money and power consumed him like an unquenchable fire. This was one of the times when Ian wished that they weren't so wealthy.

Ian left his father's study and went to his room to pack. Ian found a small suitcase in the hall closet and put it on his bed. He had no idea what to pack or how long he would be staying, so he threw two of everything into it; two shirts, two tee shirts, two pairs of slacks, etc. He then went to his bathroom and got his razor, shaving cream, toothbrush, and toothpaste. He also took his shower gel and shampoo. He went back to his room and found a clean pair of sweatpants to use as sleepwear. He didn't like pajamas and the sweatpants were warmer. He threw that into the suitcase as well. Once he was satisfied that he had everything, he took the suitcase and went back downstairs to the kitchen. Ian left notes for the maid and the cook explaining the situation and stating that he wouldn't be back for a day or so and that he would contact them when he got back. He then reset the security alarm and left.

A wave of panic hit Brenda when she saw Ian's car disappear into the night. She was alone in her house and wasn't sure what to do. Her breathing quickened and she knew that she would start to hyperventilate if she didn't calm down. She also knew that she needed to make one more phone call before she went to bed. Brenda went back inside and closed the door behind her. After locking it, she began to realize how quiet the house was. Panic started to come over her again and she fought against it desperately. "I have to hold myself together until Ian gets back," she said to herself. Her anxiety started to decrease as her thoughts turned to him. She thought back to their lunch together the day before, how they laughed about their silly love lives. If only she could go back to that time and tell her parents not to go out for the evening. It's too late now, she thought ruefully.

Brenda pushed away from the door and headed back to the kitchen where her water glass still sat. Anger started to fill her where fear once was. She picked up the glass and hurled it against the far wall, shattering it, sending shards, water, and ice everywhere.

"Damn it!" she screamed, "Why did you leave me? Why...?" She sank to her knees. "I'm alone now," she cried, "all alone." Burying her face in her hands, she cried and cried until she was exhausted and there were no more tears to shed. She wiped her eyes with her blouse sleeve and looked at the mess that she created.

The drive back to Brenda"s house was uneventful as Ian fought off sleep. He was now beyond exhausted and dearly wanted to find a warm bed. Although there was a possibility that Brenda would want to stay up and talk, Ian selfishly hoped against it, although he would stay up as long as she wanted him to. She met him at the door and saw immediately how exhausted he looked.   "Oh Ian," she said softly as she took his hand, "come on, I'll show you to your room." She led him up the stairs, where at the landing, they turned right. She turned on the light at the first room on the left and entered. Ian followed, suitcase still in hand.

"Here, put your suitcase on the chair," Brenda said, pointing to the dark green recliner. The room had a large king sized bed with blue carpeting and drapes to match. There were many pictures on the walls, mainly of hunting and outdoors scenes. This was plainly a man's room, thought Ian, looking around. There were two dressers in the room and a writing desk in the corner which had a computer, monitor, printer, and phone on it.

Brenda called to him from the right, "There's a shower, sink, and toilet in here."

Ian put his suitcase on the bed and followed her voice. "There's towels in the cupboard," she said as she opened them for him.

"Okay," Ian said. "I don't know if I have the strength to take a shower now. Maybe after I wake up."

"Poor guy," Brenda said as she brushed past him and headed to the door. Looking over her shoulder, she said, "My room's right across the hall if you can't find something. I've got a few things to do before I turn in."

"What time are you getting up?" Ian asked.

"I guess around noon. We have to be downtown around four. I have to find out about funeral arrangements, too."

"Need any help with anything?"

"No," Brenda replied, thinking about the glass, "I don't need help." She hesitated at the door, holding onto the knob.

"You okay?" Ian asked as Brenda looked down.

"I'm okay," she said, barely audible. Looking at him directly in his eyes, she said, "You'll never know how grateful I am to have you here with me." She turned quickly and left the room before she started to cry again. Before Ian could respond, he heard her bounding down the stairs. Ian went back to his suitcase and began getting ready for bed.

Brenda was physically and emotionally exhausted as she finished cleaning up her mess. Before Ian came back to the house, she had called her mother's oldest brother, Russell, whom she knew kept late hours, to tell him the news and asked him to call the rest of the family. When she was satisfied that all of the glass was off the floor, Brenda put the broom and dustpan away, turned off the lights, and headed to her room. The door to Ian's room was closed, so she assumed that he was asleep. She would have liked to talk to him more, but she knew how tired he looked and he needed sleep. It wasn't until then that she realized how tired she was. Barely able to stand any longer, she slipped out of her clothes and threw on a nightgown. Crawling into bed, Brenda looked at the pictures that surrounded her on her two nightstands. One was of her and Ryan taken right before he died; another of her parents; one of all four of them together, a family sitting; and the last one was of her and Ian taken at Disney World the previous summer. She fought back tears as she remembered the good times with Ryan, times when he wasn't on drugs and enjoying life. She remembered telling her parents to have a great time when they left the house for the last time, not knowing that her life would be forever changed in just a few short hours. Brenda reached for a Teddy Bear, the last gift that Ryan had given her, as the tears began to flow. Hugging it fiercely, she said, "I need you, Ryan, I need you. I wish you were here. I wish all of you were here!"

She turned, switched off the lamp, and cried herself into a dreamless sleep.

Saturday, March 13

Although the alarm was set on low, it woke Ian with a start. Looking around, confused at first by his surroundings, Ian slowly realized where he was. Even though it was noon, he felt a little groggy and was tempted to sleep more. However, he slowly sat up and turned off the alarm. Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, Ian slipped on his gym shoes and stood up. He put on the shirt that he had worn the previous night and headed out of the room. The room across the hall, Brenda's, was open and empty. Ian made his way down to the kitchen to find her at the breakfast nook reading the newspaper.




Brenda & Ian Ch. 01



"Morning Ian," she said, glancing away from the paper.

"Morning," he mumbled back. "You been up long?"

"Oh, an hour or so," she sighed. "I slept for a while, but I woke up around ten-thirty and couldn't sleep anymore. I called Uncle Roger about funeral arrangements, but he didn't want to talk about it until this afternoon."

"Okay, that's at four, right?"

"Yeah." She went back to her newspaper.

"How are you doing?" he asked as he leaned against the doorway.

"Oh," she sighed again, "tired, sad, angry....you name it and I'm feeling it. It would be so much worse if you weren't here. There's just so much going on in my head right now."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Maybe later, maybe after we see Uncle Roger or sometime this evening."

"Okay."

"Can I get you something to eat? I was about to make myself a salad."

"A salad would be great. I"ll give you a hand with it."

Brenda shooed him away, "No, no, you just sit down. It'll only take a few minutes."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." Brenda got up from her chair and busied herself with the salads as Ian watched her. She was wearing a dark blue robe and pink slippers. Her hair was tousled and out of place, but in Ian's mind, she was still very pretty. He thought about complimenting her, but he knew that it would be grossly inappropriate, not because she was his cousin, they joked all of the time about dating each other if they weren't related, but because of her sadness and grief.

"What do you want to drink?" he asked her as he came back to reality.

"I'll have some tea. There's a pitcher in the fridge."

Ian went to the refrigerator and took the pitcher from the shelf. It was cold, so no ice was needed. "Where are the cups?" he asked as he searched the cupboards in front of him.

"Above the sink," Brenda answered as she placed the salads on the table. Ian brought the glasses and tea to the table seconds later. Brenda brought out dressing and forks and they sat down to their lunch. They ate and drank in silence, not really tasting the food, merely consuming it. She had already found an article in the paper about the accident. Apparently, they rounded a corner too fast for the rain-slickened street and lost control, ramming a tree and flipping over. As she read it, anger built up inside her. Dad always drove too fast, she thought bitterly. Frowning, she had put the paper aside before she became too emotional again.

After a while, Ian put down the section of paper that he was reading and pushed back his chair, dishes in hand. "I'll clean these up," he said.

"Just rinse them and I'll put them in the dishwasher later," Brenda replied.

"Okay." Ian did as requested and headed back to his room for a shower.

Brenda read for a little while longer before she gathered up the dishes and put them in the washer, noting that there wasn't enough for a full load. She closed the door without turning on the machine.

Brenda went upstairs and started a hot bath for herself in the main bathroom. She poured in some soap and watched the bubbles build. Once the tub was filled to her satisfaction, Brenda took off her robe and nightgown and slipped into the steamy bath.

Just as she was relaxed, a knock came from the door. The door knob moved and the door opened a crack. 

"Hey Brenda...?"

"Don't come in!" Brenda said, wide eyed. "I'm not decent."

"Yeah, so what's your point?" Ian joked. He immediately felt bad joking with her, forgetting for a second about her parents.

"Ian!" she said sternly, although she wasn't angry. She was glad that he was teasing her. It almost made her forget. "What do you need?"

"A hair dryer."

"You don't have enough hair to need a dryer," she replied, noting his blond crew cut. 

"I'll only need it for a minute. I don't want to catch a cold."

"There's one in the closet in here, right by the door. Come in, but don't you dare get too close!" Brenda scooted down in the tub so that the bubbles covered everything from the neck down.

Ian opened the door with nothing but a thick towel around his waist and closed it behind him. Looking at his cousin almost submerged, he said, "I was hoping for a show."

"You wish," Brenda said from above the bubbles.

Ian rummaged through the closet for a few seconds without finding the dryer. "Where is it? I don't see it?"

"Keep looking. It should be there."

"Ah, here it is," he said as he pulled it from a remote corner.

"It's about time," Brenda teased, "anyone else would have found it a lot sooner."

"I figured that if I messed around long enough, you'd have to come out and help me look," he teased back, happy to be able to banter with her, if only for a few seconds.

"You wish."

"Anyway, I'll return it when I can get a better view!"

"I'll keep the door locked," grinned Brenda.

"Details, details..." he said as he opened the door and left the bathroom.

Brenda was disappointed that Ian didn't return the dryer while she was still in the tub. She toweled off quickly, pulled on her robe and went left and across the hall to Ian's room where he was putting on his shoes. He looked up as she entered.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"Yes, much." She moved to him, leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you," she said as she straightened.

"For...?"

"For helping me laugh and to forget for a little while," she replied. She looked at her cousin, dressed in jeans and a dark blue dress shirt. He looked really handsome, she thought, although she wished he would let his perpetual crew cut grow out. He'd had it since his sophomore year in high school while playing baseball and kept it. She teased him unmercifully in hopes that he would let it grow, but to no avail. She didn't know if she'd ever get used to it because she always thought he looked better with it grown out.

"You're welcome," Ian replied softly, breaking Brenda's stare. "You okay?" He looked at her, puzzled, trying to figure out what was on her mind.

Brenda blinked and stammered, "Oh yeah, fine. I need the dryer." She pointed to the dryer at his side.

"Sorry, I forgot," he said as he handed it to her.

"Thanks," she said as she left for her own room, Ian's eyes following her as she walked away.

Brenda finished drying and combing her hair and got dressed in a pair of blue dress pants and a yellow sweater. After she applied some pale lipstick, she grabbed her purse and went downstairs. Ian's eyes were fixed on a basketball game when she appeared. "You ready to go?" she asked.

"It's pretty early, we've got time," he replied.

"I want to pick up my car first." 

"That's right," he said, smacking his forehead with his palm, "your car's still at the hospital." He turned off the TV with the remote. "By the way, there's about five messages on the machine. I saved them for you."

"Thanks. Two of them must be new. I'll answer them when we get back."

Brenda locked the door after they stepped out into the warm, breezy, March afternoon. It had been warmer than usual and they didn't need jackets. Ian let her in the passenger side first and then let himself in. The car started easily and Ian placed it in gear. Noting the silence, Ian asked Brenda, "Do you want to listen to some music?"

Brenda shrugged indifference, so Ian chose a classical station. He kept it on a low volume and they were on their way. The ride to the hospital was quiet; perhaps Brenda was reliving the previous evening. Ian didn't say anything, thinking that small talk would only make matters worse for her. When they arrived, Brenda sighed deeply, her car where she left it. She looked down at her hands as tears started to spill down her cheeks. Ian parked next to her car and switched off the engine. He reached over to hold her hand, but before he could, Brenda leaned over and put her head on his shoulder and cried quietly. Trying to soothe her, he stroked her hair with the back of his hand. Nothing was said for a few minutes.

A few minutes more passed before she stopped crying and straightened up in the seat, leaving Ian's shoulder bare and a little damp.

"Got a kleenex?" she whispered.

"Yeah." Ian reached behind him in the back seat and produced a small box and handed it to Brenda. She took one and tried to hand the box back to him. "Keep it," he said.

Brenda started to open the door to go to her own car. Ian touched her arm and she looked back at him.

"You okay to drive?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," she insisted. "I've got to get this car out of here. I don't want to come back here ever again. It hurts too much."

"Okay." Ian understood. He thought for a second and said, "Where's the office building?"

"Corner of Main and First. There's a parking lot right next door," she said as she stepped out.

"Okay, I'll see you there."

"Just follow me, I won't lose you." Brenda then shut the door and went to her car.

They arrived at her parent's office building in less than ten minutes and they were early. Brenda took his hand and they went inside together. "It's on the second floor," she said as they entered the elevator. Ian would have preferred taking the stairs for a one story flight, but he said nothing. 

When the doors opened, a large window with the stenciled name of "Barringer, Rigsby, and Barringer LPA's" stared at them. They crossed the hall and Brenda pushed the glass door open. They stepped into an ornately furnished office lobby. There were about seven or eight chairs and each were richly upholstered. The receptionist's desk was a dark, heavy wood, possibly oak, and was circular with an opening at one side. No one was at the desk, so Brenda led Ian to the office area. Before they had gotten too far, an elderly gentleman emerged from a room. His eyes brightened as he saw Brenda approaching.

"Brenda, my dear..."

Brenda let go of Ian's hand and rushed to him. "Uncle Roger," she said as she hugged him.

"I am so, so, sorry, my dear. They were like my own children," he said as he returned the embrace.

"I know," she replied in a choked voice.

Looking over her shoulder at Ian, he asked, "And who is this fine lad? Another beau?"

Brenda released Roger and introduced Ian. "No, he's not a beau, Uncle Roger. This is my cousin, Ian Nicks, my best friend and savior. He's been with me since the accident. Ian, this is Roger Rigsby, mom and dad's partner."

The two exchanged handshakes and Roger said, "A fine young man you are, looking after our Brenda. You ever need anything," he said sternly, pointing his finger at him, "you talk to me!"

"Yes sir," Ian said.

"Come, let us go to my office where we can chat for a spell, shall we?" Roger motioned for them to follow and they did. When they entered his office, Ian was amazed at the amount of books that lined the walls. One entire wall was nothing but books. Roger indicated for them to take a seat and they did. The chairs were upholstered in red velvet and were extremely comfortable. "May I get you a refreshment?" he asked, still standing. Brenda and Ian both shook their heads. "Ah, fine then," he said as he eased himself into his chair behind his desk.

He leaned forward with his arms folded in front of him. "My dear, how are your studies coming along?"

"They're coming along fine, Uncle Roger, we're on spring break now."

"Still studying business, I suppose?" he asked, feigning disgust.

"Yes, of course, you know that," Brenda giggled lightly.

"You have a fine mind that is wasting away on business and money. You have a fine criminal mind, my dear, and the law beckons you!" He pointed at Ian, "And you, young man, what is your choice of study?"

"Veterinary science, sir," Ian answered cautiously. He wasn't sure about Roger just yet.

"A good choice, my lad," he roared his approval. "Maybe you can teach this girl something and get her away from money and finance, eh?"

"I don't think that I could ever get Brenda to do something that she didn't want to do," Ian replied.

Roger nodded in agreement, "How true, how true." He leaned back in his chair. "I have only a few things to discuss with you, my dear," he said to Brenda. "To put your mind at rest, your parents pre-arranged their funerals and everything is in the works, so to speak. Morris Funeral Chapel is in charge of the arrangements and are waiting for you to go over the necessary details, such as date and time, clothing, flowers, etc."

"What about...." Brenda interrupted.

"About what, my dear?"

"What about...their...mom and dad...are they...at the funeral home?"

"Yes, my dear, they are there," he said gently. "I made the arrangements as soon as you called. I also have copies of the death certificates so that their insurances policies and other things can be activated."

"How...?  I don't understand...I'm a little overwhelmed, I guess," Brenda said softly.

"I have read their will many times over today, and they were very specific as to making this as easy for you as possible. I will read you the will in it's entirety at a later time after the funeral, but know that they had your best interests at heart. I will guide you through all of the legalities and such. You will have the final say in everything, my dear."

"Final say?" she asked, clearly confused.

"My dear," he said patiently, "you are the only heir to their estate. Of course, they wanted certain people to have items and this has been specifically spelled out. However, everything else is up to you."

"I see," Brenda said, finally starting to understand what Roger was saying.

Roger got up and poured water into three glasses and set them on his desk. He gave one to Brenda and Ian and took one for himself. He took a sip from his glass, then said, "I work with many financial advisors and they can help you in that area. Perhaps you would want to work with some of the people who handled your parents accounts. We can discuss that later. You may know enough from your studies to not need any financial advise. We will see." Roger put his glass down on his desk and eased himself back into his chair.

"Right now," he continued, "I am more interested in your well-being. How are you going to handle this?"

"I'm doing okay, I guess," Brenda answered. "I don't know what I would have done without Ian. And knowing that you're taking care of things is a big relief..."

"What about school?" he asked, thinking about her difficult time after Ryan's death.

"Having spring break right now is a blessing. I think I'll be okay when it starts again. I think I'm in a better frame of mind right now, or maybe I'm still in shock. I'm not sure." She reached for Ian's hand and squeezed it.

"Quite possible," he replied, looking out the window. Brenda waited for him to say more, but he remained silent.

"When do the funeral people want to see me?" she asked.

Roger turned his attention back to her. "They said that they would be able to see you any time before eight o'clock, but they wanted to be called ahead of time so that they would have time to prepare the paperwork."

"I see." Brenda looked down at her hands that were holding the glass. She played with the intricate cuts of the glass with her thumb. "I think that I should like to see them now, but I'd like to spend some time in my parents' offices. Is that okay?"

"Of course, it is, my dear. Please take your time," he said gently. "I will call them whenever you are ready."

"Fine." Brenda scooted her chair back and put her glass back on the stand and Ian did the same. As Brenda led the way out of the office, she looked back at Roger, who was still seated at his desk.

"How will this affect the practice?" she asked.

"Oh," he sighed, "we will get behind a little bit until I can interview some candidates, but your parents are simply irreplaceable. I hope you know that."

"I do," she replied softly.

"I should like to speak to Mr. Nicks for a few minutes, if you do not mind, my dear."

Puzzled, she said, "Of course not. I'll be down the hall." Ian looked at her and she shrugged her shoulders. She left the office and closed the door behind her.

"Mr. Nicks," Roger said as Ian turned to him, "have a seat, please." Ian took the same chair that which he had sat in previously.

When he was seated, Roger asked, "How is she, really?"

"Okay, I guess," he replied, "considering the circumstances. I mean, she's really strong. I would be a total basketcase if I were in her shoes. She cries a lot, but other times, she's pretty calm."

"I want you to know that Brenda is like a grandchild to me. I have never had any of my own, no children either. This practice is my family," Roger explained. It hurts deeply to know that Harry and Alice are dead." Roger bent his head down in reverence. "Not only were they fine attorneys, they were wonderful people, too, the best. Brenda is the best of both of them." Roger stopped to sip on his water.

"I want you to be with her when the will is read." Ian didn't know if this was a request or an order. "It will be an upsetting experience for her, although most of it is good."

"What do you mean, upsetting?" Ian asked.

"I can tell you none of the details. I can see that she trusts you and loves you. That is evident. You must be with her that day, understand?"

"Of course," Ian replied, totally confused, "I'll be here, but can't you give me something to go on to prepare her?"

"No, I am afraid not. It is all confidential until she hears it for herself."

"All right. I really don't know what to say or do."

"Just be there for her, no matter what. She will need you more than ever before."

"You're starting to scare me!" Ian said. "Is it going to be that bad?"

"I am just not sure how she will take it. That is all that I can say. Do not, I repeat, do not breathe a word of this conversation to her," he added sternly.

"Yes sir," Ian said. 

"Good," Roger said, smiling warmly. "You are a fine person and I look forward to seeing you again."

"Yes sir."

"Go find your cousin, I think she will need some comforting," Roger said, dismissing him.

"Yes sir," Ian replied. He turned and left the office quickly. His head was swimming. What could be so bad that it would upset her that much? Ian had no idea why she couldn't find out now instead of later. What was he to do if she wanted to go without him? He thought that to be a remote possiblity, but it could happen. He didn't know who else would be there, maybe relatives from her mom's side of the family, he guessed. Ian went down the hall and looked in various offices until he found Brenda in her mother's office.

It was not as large or ornate as Roger's, but it was quite nice. Brenda was sitting behind the desk deep in thought, not noticing Ian as he entered. He knocked lightly on the door and Brenda looked over at him.

"Hey cuz."

"Hey. Did you and Roger have a nice talk?"

Ian hesitated for a split second. "Oh, it was fine. He's a nice guy." Ian hoped that he wouldn't blow it and let her suspect something.

"He's worried about me, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is."

"He needn't worry. I'll be okay."

"I know you will."

Brenda looked around the office. "You know, mom and I used to have a lot of talks in here, mostly about school and boys." Brenda smiled at the thought. "I'm going to miss that so much. She was very fond of you, did you know that?" Ian shook his head. "She was, really, and dad too."

"I didn't know," Ian said, a bit surprised.

"Yeah, even when dad and your mom feuded, he always had good things to say about you. It's funny, though, do you know what they were mad at each other about?"

"I haven't a clue. Mom's never spoke about it."

"Dad never discussed it. I wish they weren't enemies. Now it's too late. It's such a waste." Brenda sighed and fought back tears. "I really don't want to go," she continued. "I expect mom to come through that door at any second with a cup of coffee in one hand and her briefcase in the other. I'll never see that again. We'll never have talks in here anymore. I miss her so much! How will I go on without her?" she cried, tears spilling down her cheeks.




Brenda & Ian Ch. 01



"I don't have answers to that," Ian said as he moved to her side. "All I know is that it'll take a long time, but you'll make it through. You're one of the strongest people I know, but this isn't something that you'll get over quickly. It's been such a short time, Brenda, give yourself a break."

Brenda reached for him, "You don't know how grateful I am to have you with me right now. I love you so much, Ian. You're the best friend I've got. Mom used to say that it was a shame that we were cousins, that if we weren't, she was sure to hear wedding bells soon. Funny, she said it last week, but she seemed kind of sad when she said it. It was weird. She must have said it a half dozen times before, but she always joked about it. I don't know what the difference was this time."

"I don't know."

"I really don't want to go," she said again, "but I can't put it off any longer. I'll have Uncle Roger call the funeral home and we'll get going, okay?"

"Sure, whatever you want, cuz."

"Yeah, let's go." She left the chair and together, they went back to Roger's office.

There was about a dozen messages on the answering machine when they returned. Ian's mother had called, finally, and wanted Ian to call her at any time that they returned. Nice of her to break away from her busy schedule, Ian thought grimly. The other calls were from Brenda's friends and family. Neither of them were particularly hungry, so they decided to make phone calls. While Brenda used the kitchen phone, Ian went to his room to call his parents. After he found the paper with the phone numbers, he reached his parents' room within minutes.

"Hello, Janet Nicks speaking," her cool, reserved voice came over the wire.

"Hi mom, it's Ian."

"Hello, Ian, I've tried to reach you a couple of times today, but you haven't been in."

"We just got in. We've been out getting stuff taken care of for the funeral."

"Yes, the funeral..."

"So, when are you guys coming back? The funeral's Wednesday."

"We can't make it back..."

"Can't make it back?" Ian almost yelled. "What do you mean?"

"Your father's much too busy. He can't break away."

"Why can't you come back?"

"There's not enough time to prepare for a return trip on such short notice."

"Oh, come on, mom, there's time to come back and you know it."

"I can't, Ian, there's too many appointments to break."

"My God, he was your brother! I know you didn't like each other, but the least you could do is show up for his funeral. At least do it for Brenda."

"She would be the only reason I would come," she said coldly. "I'll make it up to her when we return."

"Please, mom, don't be like this," Ian pleaded. "He's dead now. Can't you let it go?"

"If the roles were reversed, he would have done the same," she replied frostily.

"But mom..." Ian tried to reason, but he wanted to scream.

"I don't wish to discuss it any longer," she said firmly. Softer, she asked, "How is Brenda?"

"She's okay," seethed Ian. She'd be better if you'd come back, he thought. She needs all the family she can get. "She has her good moments and bad. It's been really rough on her."

"Of course it is. How are you doing? Do you have enough money?"

"I have plenty, don't worry." They had left him with $2000 for the four weeks. He had used only a few hundred in the time that they had been away. "I'm fine. A little tired, but okay, I guess."

"Well, take care of yourself. We'll see you in a few weeks. Do you have the rest of our schedule?"

"Yes."

"Okay, well, thank you for calling back. Please tell Brenda that I'm thinking of her. I do feel sorry for her, Ian, but I just can't come back."

Right mom, whatever, he thought. "Okay mom, I'll tell her. Have a good time on the rest of your trip," he said with just a hint of sarcasm.

Janet ignored the insult. "I love you, Ian. Talk to you soon."

"Bye mom. I love you, too." The line went dead and Ian returned the receiver to the base. "Boy, wasn't that lovely?" he said aloud. He left the room and headed down to the kitchen. 

Brenda was still on the phone when Ian popped in. She looked up and smiled, then went back to her conversation. She seemed to be in better spirits and Ian was glad. He went to the refrigerator and got himself a can of Coke and closed the door. On second thought, he opened it once more and pulled out another can for Brenda. He shut the door, walked past Brenda and handed her the Coke. She mouthed 'thank you' to him and opened the can while listening intently to the other voice.

Ian went to the living room and flipped on the TV. He turned it to the channel guide to see what was on at that time. Seeing nothing that really appealed to him, he put it on the sports channel to watch a college basketball game. Although he liked baseball more, it was out of season, so basketball was the next best thing. 

It was some time later before Brenda emerged from the kitchen and Ian was thoroughly engrossed in the game. She sat down next to him on the small sofa, arms folded and eyes narrowed. Ian noticed the change, but didn't know if he should say something. He decided to wait her out. A few minutes passed and he began to rethink his strategy, but Brenda decided to vent.

"My family is so weird," she said, turning to him.

"How so?" he said, still watching the game.

"I mean, they're really nice and supportive about mom and dad and I really appreciate it, but..."

"But?"

Brenda started to laugh, "They object to you living here with me. You know, alone, boy and girl. They seem to forget that we went to Disney World together last summer alone and we somehow managed to have a good time without jumping each others bones. I mean, I tried to explain to them that we had separate rooms and baths, and that you've been great to me, but..."

"They think otherwise," he finished her sentence.

"Yeah. I mean, we're cousins, for God's sake, not that I wouldn't mind if you weren't, but jeez, I'm not exactly in the best of moods right now. You're the perfect person to be with me. You know me and love me. Why can't they understand that?"

"I don't know. Like you said, it's weird."

"Even my girlfriend, Hannah, said she thought it was inappropriate for you to be here. I couldn't believe it! I almost hung up on her, but I didn't. It's so stupid!"

"So, do you think I should leave?" he asked seriously.

"If you leave, I'll hunt you down and drag you back. You're the only one keeping me sane right now. God, I hope the phone doesn't ring anymore. I'll just let the machine get it."

"Yeah, but then, they'll think we're having sex or something and we're too busy to answer."

"Oh my God, you're right," Brenda giggled. "Then, they'll come over kicking the door in to stop us. And we'd be in the kitchen eating pizza or something and we'd look at them and say, "What the fuck's the matter with you?"

Ian started to laugh. Brenda very rarely cursed and when she did, it always caught him off guard. But, the mention of pizza made his stomach growl.

"And then," she continued, "they'd say, 'Well, you didn't answer the phone, so you must have been screwing! We had to stop you!'" Brenda was laughing hard now. "Oh my God, can you imagine?" Her eyes were sparkling from the tears of laughter.

"It's good to see you laugh," Ian remarked.

"Yeah, well, you've always been able to make me feel better, no matter how bad I feel," she replied, wiping her eyes with her sleeves.

Ian thought that she looked very pretty at that moment, laughing and joking as she was. Her smile and her eyes were always her best feature. She would never be a beautiful women, one that would turn heads everywhere she went, but she was very attractive and Ian knew that he could get lost in those doe eyes, as he was beginning to now. He thought it a waste that he would never be able to love her in the way that he wanted, and he would be a very jealous cousin of the lucky man who would be. A couple of strands of her short, brown hair fell across her eyes and she absently pushed them back with her hand. She noticed him staring at her.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked. She had never seen him look that way at her before and it was disconcerting. It was almost like a look of love, or desire, or both. It was not a sibling love, or a cousin love, but the look of love from a man to a woman. For a long time, even before Ryan went into his death spiral, Ian was her best friend, her confidant. He was always there for her, always ready to help. She loved him more than anyone she had known, save her parents and Ryan. In the years since Ryan's death, Ian had almost taken over his role, but he was something more that to her. Maybe deep down, she wanted more than their relationship could allow. She didn't know for sure. Their lunches together could, at times, become sexually explicit, joking about their dates, their fantasies and the like. Sometimes, Brenda would come away from their lunches feeling a delicious tingling between her legs that wouldn't leave until she could find some privacy. She didn't dare ask him if he felt the same way and she hadn't checked his pants for the tell-tale sign. Not that she hadn't noticed how good-looking he was. She would have had to be blind or a lesbian not to notice his chiseled features, narrow waist, and cute butt. She was almost ashamed to admit that she thought that he was really handsome, not something that cousins should think about...

"Are you sure you want to know?" he asked hesitantly.

"Well, yeah..."

"Okay, here it goes." He spoke slowly, carefully. "Do you wish, sometimes, that we weren't cousins, weren't related?" Ian looked down and frowned. He was afraid that he had messed up by asking her that. He hoped that she wouldn't get angry with him.

Brenda waited and pondered her answer, her eyes gentle and solemn. She was scared to answer too truthfully, afraid that she'd say the wrong thing. Instead, she took the easy way out. "Why do you ask?" she asked softly.

Ian shifted uneasily in his seat. Still looking down and becoming a bit nervous with his beloved cousin, he stayed silent for a few moments, not knowing what to say.

Brenda placed her hand on his and asked softly, "Do you feel that way?"

Ian lifted his head and gazed into her eyes. "Yeah," he said simply.

"Me too," she replied as she rested her head against his shoulder.

Sunday March 14

Brenda whimpered in her sleep, her head shaking back and forth furiously. "No," she murmured, "go away..." Her body was slick with sweat and her nightshirt clung to her damp skin. She had kicked her coverings off and they had fallen to the floor in a heap.

Her dream was very real, as her parents were trying to pull her into their coffins. Ryan had her arms pinned behind her and was pushing her into their waiting arms. Her legs thrashed in the bed as she desperately tried to fight them off. Brenda's body twisted back and forth to break Ryan's grip, but it wasn't working. When their faces disappeared and cackling skulls replaced them, she broke from her nightmare screaming, "NO!!!!"

Ian's deep sleep was interrupted by someone screaming from within the house. He bolted upright instantly and listened, not really sure if he had heard anything. Brenda screamed again and Ian threw off the covers and ran to her room.

Brenda was on her right side curled in a fetal position, crying hysterically, "No, no, no...," and shaking her head violently.

Ian rushed to her side, knelt beside her on one knee, and touched her shoulder. As soon as she felt his touch, she spun away and kicked at him with her legs. "Get away from me Ryan!" she screamed, almost inhumanly. Her left leg grazed his right side, but her right leg caught him squarely in his chest and knocked him off the bed and he tumbled to the floor. Surprised, but unhurt, Ian got to his feet and went back to the bed.

"Stay away from me! You hear, Ryan..."

"Brenda, Brenda, it's me, Ian," he said as he inched closer to the bed. "Brenda, it's me, Ian. You're having a dream..."

"Ian?" she said weakly as she slowly came back to reality. Her balled fists slowly fell to her sides and unclenched. Ian came closer until he could feel her hot, heavy, panting in front of his face. She reached out for him. "Ian," she said again, "hold me." He standing and she kneeling on the bed, Ian took her in his arms. Brenda wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him fiercely. Ian rocked her back and forth gently as she began to sob.

"It was so terrible, Ian," she said between sobs. "Oh my God, it was awful! I'll never be able to sleep again. I don't want to sleep again. Oh...!" She buried her face in his chest and clutched the back of his tee shirt with her hands. He gently led his cousin to a seated position on the bed with him at her side as he continued to rock and soothe her. Ian noticed the dampness of her shirt but said nothing. He tried smoothing her hair, and that too, was wet with sweat. Man, she must have had one hell of a fight, he thought. 

After a few minutes, the vividness of the dream started to fade and Brenda began to calm down. Even though Ian was still holding her, she shivered from cold. Ian noticed that, too.

"You cold?" he asked

"Yeah," she answered. "I guess I better change."

"Okay."

Brenda reached with her left hand and turned on the bedside lamp. It cast a soft light and Ian had no trouble adjusting. Brenda kissed Ian on the cheek and tried to stand. Unsteady, she put her right hand on his shoulder to balance herself. She was wearing a yellow cotton night shirt that was tight to her frame. Ian looked up at her and saw her nipples protruding through the thin, damp material. Ian tried not to stare at them, but he couldn't help it. He felt his penis begin to firm under his sweatpants. Embarrassed, he looked down and discreetly covered his bulge with his right arm, hoping against hope that Brenda didn't notice. 

Brenda moved slowly away from him and made her way to one of her dressers. Ian watched her as she pulled another nightgown from the drawer and closed it, her damp night shirt sensually clinging to her athletic body.

"Be back in a minute," she said sadly before she left the room. Ian got another glimpse of her nipples as she turned to go down the hall. It almost took his breath away. Although she was small busted, their shape aroused him more than he could imagine. They were simply beautiful.

Ian stood up and checked himself. "Shit!" he said as he saw his erection bulging almost straight out. Quickly, he left Brenda's room for his own. He pulled off his sweatpants and found a clean pair of underwear briefs. Putting them on carefully, he effectively minimized the bulge. He pulled his sweatpants back on and returned to Brenda's room, chastising himself the entire time for getting horny during her distress.

Once in the bathroom, Brenda toweled herself off after briefly considering a quick shower. She was too tired for such an endeavor and put on the clean nightgown instead. As she brushed her hair, she looked at herself closely in the mirror. She could see that dark circles were starting to form under her eyes and they looked very tired. She didn't know what time it was and she didn't care. Brenda finished brushing her hair before she headed back to her room. When she returned to the room, Ian was seated as before. Watching her come in, he was grateful that she was wearing a modest, heavy flannel gown. 

"Feeling better?" he asked. She nodded and sat down beside him.

"I'm so tired, but I'm afraid to go to sleep," Brenda sighed.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No!" she shook her head, "I want to forget it." She scooted back on her bed, turned her pillow to the dry side and layed down. "Stay with me for a while?" she pleaded.

"Sure," Ian said. "Let me get the covers." Ian got off the bed, gathered her covers and spread them over her. He then climbed into bed next to her, his back against the headboard.

"Do you want the light on or off?"

"You can turn it off. I'll be okay since you're here." Brenda settled under the covers and rested her head against Ian's thigh, while he caressed her face and hair with the back of his hand. After a few minutes, Brenda began to shake and shiver from fright, although she tried to hide it.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

"No," she said as she shivered again. "Please hold me, Ian. I'm so scared!"

"Are you sure?" He was already having second thoughts about being in his cousin's bed and he didn't want his hormones going stupid on him while laying next to Brenda.

"Yes, please..."

Ian slipped under the covers, grabbing the other pillow and placing it under his head. He settled next to her as she moved closer to him and rested her head on his chest. Ian put his arms around her and held her to him, her strong, warm body feeling wonderful to his touch. Without a word, both were soon asleep.

A little while later, Ian woke abruptly. He looked at Brenda's clock and it read 4:42. His arm, chest, and shoulder were sore from Brenda sleeping on them and she appeared to be in a deep sleep. Ian sniffed at her hair and it had dried, leaving behind a fresh, fruity smell. Her skin had a light, musky scent to it that Ian thought was very sensual. Thoughts of her silhouette returned and he started to become aroused once more. Knowing he needed to leave before something happened, Ian wriggled away from Brenda and tried to place her head on her pillow without her waking. After doing so and thinking he was home free, Brenda stirred.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asked in a sleepy voice.

"Back to my room. I have trouble sleeping on my back," he lied, but how could he tell her the truth?

"Please stay. I feel safe with you next to me."

"But..."

"Just lay next to me. That's all I need, please." He could feel the emotions starting to churn within her voice.

"Okay." Unsure as to whether he should or not, Ian moved back to her side, this time laying on his stomach. He turned his face to her as she pulled the covers over his shoulders. She then put her arm across his back and snuggled to his shoulder, her face but inches away from his.

"I'll love you forever for this, Ian. Don't you forget it," she whispered before she drifted off to sleep.

"Anything for you, cuz," he replied as he listened to her steady breathing.

Ian woke and looked around. It was light out and the clock said 10:17. Brenda was nowhere to be seen, although her nightgown was on the bed next to him. He was tempted to smell it, to try and find her scent, but he resisted the temptation. He got out of her bed and went across the hall to his room and closed the door. After taking a quick shower, he felt refreshed and went downstairs after dressing once more. Brenda wasn't there, either, so Ian went to the basement where he found her putting clothes into the washing machine. She turned as she heard him approach and smiled. She turned back and finished loading the washer. 

"Been up long?" he asked as he moved closer.

"Oh, not too long. I just decided to do some housework to keep me occupied. I've got dishes cleaning and the laundry going and I need to clean upstairs for the funeral. There's not much to do, mom always kept the house spotless. I'll never be able to keep it that clean. I have to contact the church and go over the Mass. I have to get the clothes over to the funeral home. Other than that, I have the rest of my life to think about not having my parents any more." The last few words came out haltingly as she began to cry. "No matter how busy I am, I can't stop crying!" She turned away and placed her hands on the washer for support. Ian moved forward to her side and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You've been so wonderful," she sniffed. She turned and placed her head against his chest, hugging him tight. "I don't know what I'd do without you."




Brenda & Ian Ch. 01



"That's okay," he said, hugging her back. "You know I'll always be here for you."

They made their way back upstairs. When they reached the landing, Brenda said, "I never asked you about your phone call to your mom. How did it go? What did she say?"

"Well," Ian said as they neared the kitchen, "dad can't make it. He's got too much going on in Helsinki. And mom, well...she..." Ian looked down, ashamed.

"She doesn't want to come," Brenda said, finishing the sentence for him.

"Yeah," Ian said, still avoiding Brenda's face. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," she said, a bit angrily. "I guess I thought she might come."

"I think maybe she really wants to, but she just won't give in, even now. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't listen. I'm sorry," he said again.

"Don't apologize," she said sharply, a bit stronger than she intended. Gentler, she said, "It's not your fault." Changing the subject, she asked him, "Do you have any plans?"

Ian thought for a minute. He knew that he wanted to get a new suit for the funeral knowing that he had outgrown the suits in his closet. "Not much. Why?"

"I mean, if you have something to do, go ahead. I don't mind."

"It's nothing that I can't do later. What's up?"

"Could you help me with the housework? It should only take about an hour and it would mean a lot to me. All you have to do is vacuum." She raised her eyes in expectation.

"Yeah, sure, I can vacuum for you. Show me where it is and I'll get started."

"Great, thanks, I'll get it for you," she said as she left the kitchen. When she returned, they started to clean. Like Brenda said, it only took about an hour and when they finished, it looked pretty good. She would save the upstairs for later since it didn't need much cleaning. Ian invited her to go along with him to his father's tailor to buy a suit and she accepted, wanting an excuse to get out of the house. 

The ride back from the tailor's was quiet. Brenda's thoughts were drifting back to her family and happier times. She remembered holidays and birthdays, vacations and other surprises. She remembered how Ryan and her parents watched her play volleyball in high school and cheered her on through good games and bad. There were times when she was young and Ryan would play games with her for hours, even though it probably bored him to tears and he had other things to do. That was the Ryan she always wanted to remember, not the paranoid heroin addict that he would become. Brenda was thankful that she would never have to think of her parents in two different ways. She knew that she could not have had any better parents and felt lucky and blessed that she had them for the time that she did, even though it was much too short. She felt cheated and angry that they were taken away so quickly, so quickly that her dad was already dead before she could see him and only machines kept her mom alive long enough for her to say good-bye.

Brenda hated to dwell on things like that. She knew that it wouldn't bring back her parents any more that it had brought back Ryan. It had only screwed her up worse than she already was. Blaming herself for Ryan's death was the perfect excuse for pushing the world away. Ryan had been good at making his problems everyone else's, too. Ian had seen through it and Brenda had hated it when he brought it to her attention, although deep down, she knew he was right. Ryan had manipulated her sympathies to the very end, to the point where Brenda almost thought that she was the one who stuck the needle in his arm.

Her parents death was different and she knew it. There was nothing she could have done to prevent it, but it didn't make the pain any easier to bear. This time, the pain was doubled and she didn't know how long she would be able to keep it all together.

Ian glanced at his cousin from time to time, a worried look crossing his face. It wasn't like her to be this quiet. He knew that she was going through her own personal hell, but he wished she would talk, say something, anything. He was no good at idle chit-chat and wouldn't pretend to be. The only available subject would be funereal in nature and he certainly didn't want to go in that direction. He had never gone through a death in his family, so he wasn't sure what to say or do. He couldn't imagine the pain and suffering that she was feeling, but he was doing the best he could.

Occasionally, Brenda would brush away tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and go back to staring out the car window. Her mind was focused on the funeral and what her future would be. She figured that her parents had some money set aside, but she had no idea how much. The first thing to do would be to sell the house, she assumed. It was something that she didn't want to do, it held so many memories for her. She didn't think that she could bear to part with it. Brenda didn't even know if it was still mortgaged, although she figured that the insurance would probably cover it. Her parents never discussed their finances with her and it puzzled her since it would be her chosen profession. She was thankful that she had two weeks left before she headed back to her final semester before graduation. It would give her time to get things organized and to get the estate in order. Her financial mind was active now, thinking about the house and other things. She was grateful that Roger would be lending his guidance to her and helping her get through all of the legal matters.

The only matter left was Ian. She didn't know what she was going to do once he went back to his house. Her house was going to be too big and quiet once he left. She certainly wanted him to stay after the funeral, but for how long? Certainly, his parents would object to his staying longer. For all she knew, they might be objecting to his being there now. She admitted to herself that she was scared of being alone, scared of being without family around her. Ian had filled that void so perfectly over the past few days and she wished that it could continue, but knew it wouldn't. Too many people would have a fit over it. Two cousins sharing a house together just isn't right, they'd say. Too many things could happen. Like what? Sleeping together? We've already done that, she laughed to herself. My God, they both knew that they could never get romantically involved, that was a given, even though she would date him in a second if they weren't related. They were almost perfectly matched and they knew each other inside and out, so the actual dating part wouldn't be necessary. Go straight to marriage, she smiled to herself. Besides that, she knew that they were attracted to each other. But, they could never cross that line and she would have to let him go eventually. She wouldn't like it and she suspected that Ian wouldn't, either.

They were home by late afternoon and had an early supper of soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. After supper, Brenda answered messages from the answering machine and made other calls to relatives and friends. Ian busied himself with the computer in his room. After an hour or so of surfing the net, he wandered back downstairs. Brenda was sitting in a chair in the living room with a notepad in hand.

"What's up?" he asked as he sat down opposite of her on the sofa.

"Nothing much," she sighed, "just trying to get a list of pall bearers together so it'll be set for Wednesday."

"Can it wait?"

"No, I want to do it now and get it out of the way."

"Okay," he said. He didn't know why she wanted it done at that time, but he didn't argue. "You know I'll be one," he added.

"I know," she replied, still writing on the pad, "but I don't want you away from me for a second that day. I've got other cousins and friends in mind. I think I'll ask some of dad's friends at the firm. That should do it."

She dropped the pad and pen on the table in front of her and leaned back in the chair, hands folded behind her head. "Ian?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said, looking up from a magazine that he had begun reading.

"I'm going to need you more than anything in the next few days."

"I know," he replied. "You know I'll be here for you."

"I know. I want to ask a favor of you."

"Sure, anything, you know that."

"Will you stay at least through the weekend?"

Ian pondered for a few moments. He really wanted to and he knew that Brenda would need him. He still wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. He figured that the buzz about him being there wasn't going to die down anytime soon and he didn't want her family giving her a hard time about it. Still, if she was asking him to stay, she had already thought it through and had made up her mind about the matter. His parents wouldn't be pleased should they find out, but it wouldn't be the first time that they were angry with him.

He answered, "Well, I need to get some more clothes from home."

Brenda smiled, "Thank you, Ian."

"Only for you, cuz."

Monday March 15 

His alarm went off at 8:00 o'clock and he shut it off quickly. Ian hoped that Brenda had had a peaceful sleep and he had kept his door open just in case, but everything was quiet.

After he cleaned up and changed clothes, he took his dirty clothes to the basement to be cleaned. The dryer was already running so he knew that Brenda was up. His clothes were all dark, expect for his underwear, which were white, and threw them into the washer. He put the underwear aside and started the machine after putting the soap in.

Hearing footsteps above him, Ian knew that Brenda was walking around. Presently, the basement door opened and Brenda bounded down. Seeing Ian, she said, "What are you doing?"

"Laundry."

"I would have done that for you."

"I know, but it's not much."

Brenda moved past him and checked the settings of the machine. They met her approval. She said, "Maybe there's hope for you, yet."

"Where'd that come from?"

"Nowhere. Come on up and I'll make you some breakfast." Brenda turned and bounded back up the stairs two at a time with Ian following at a slower pace. 

After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast, and juice, Ian helped Brenda load the dish washer. When they left the kitchen, Ian asked Brenda her plans for the day.

"I have to get the clothes to the funeral home and I've got a meeting with Father Paul at noon to go over the Mass for mom and dad. And you?"

"Just bringing some clothes over and picking up the suit. Want some company?"

"Of course I do. There's no way I want to do this alone. Why do you think I was asking you?"

Ian shrugged and went to the living room while Brenda went upstairs to her room to change. After a half hour went by, Ian began to wonder why it was taking so long. She was just changing clothes, he thought. Curiosity got the best of him, so he went upstairs to find her. Her door was open, but she wasn't there. The bathroom was empty, too. He went to the end of the hall and looked in the room on the left. He saw Brenda sitting on the bed surrounded by clothes. Tears were streaming down her face as she smoothed the cloth of a pale blue dress.

Ian walked in quietly, not wanting to disturb her. She heard him, anyway, and turned his way. Not bothering to wipe the tears, she whispered, "Please leave. I need to do this alone." Ian nodded and backed away. "I'll be down in a little bit," she said as he left.

"Take your time," Ian said. He went to the basement where he emptied the clothes in the dryer to a clean basket and threw his newly washed clothes into the already warm dryer. The clothes in the basket were mostly bras, underwear, and nightgowns. Ian noticed immediately, but decided not to let his imagination go wild. He took the basket upstairs and put it near the staircase in the living room. 

Brenda came down about fifteen minutes later with the clothes. Ian took the two hangers covered in plastic from her and she put a sack on the floor that contained smaller essentials.

"I didn't know what else to bring. I hope this is enough," she said, sighing.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Ian replied.

Since it was a bit chilly, they put on light jackets and headed for the funeral home. Once there, they went over last minute details with Brenda. The clothes that Brenda brought were enough and they were taken to another room. They decided that there were to be two visitation periods, the first from two to four, and the second from six until nine in the evening. Other details were discussed and taken care of. As they walked to the door, the representative told Brenda that she could come any time after noon to visit her parents.

"Thank you, but we'll be here around one o'clock," she replied.

"As you wish," he said as he opened the door for her.

They arrived at St. Augustine's parish office promptly at noon. Father Paul greeted them at the door and introductions were made. He led them to his office where chairs were ready across from his desk. He showed them to their seats and they sat down.

"Coffee?" he asked them, but they both declined. He poured a cup for himself.

He showed Brenda the readings that he had picked and the music that the music director had chosen. She was pleased with all of the selections and gave them back to him. He asked Brenda to describe her parents to him since he didn't know them very well. She gave him a brief, but thorough description of them, plus amusing anecdotes and other personal stories. She told him of the difficult times with Ryan and how they never wavered in their support of him, the fun vacations to Michigan, and their support for her career choice even though they preferred that she study law.

When she finished, he asked, "What about you? What are your plans?"

"I'm going to finish school. I've got so little to do to graduate, they'd be really upset if I didn't finish now. I'm doing it for them as much for me. I'm just going to keep my mind busy for the next few months and see what happens."

"When does school start for you?"

"Two weeks."

"I see," he said as he leaned back in his chair. "I think it's wise that you're continuing you education and not putting it off, but allow yourself time to heal, time to mourn. Don't hold it in and don't keep it to yourself. That's the best advise that I can give you. I'm here for any counseling that you may want or need." He stood up and Brenda took that as a dismissal. She and Ian followed Father Paul back to the front door.

They stopped at Ian's for about an hour as he packed more clothes, checked messages, and looked at the mail. Meanwhile, Brenda found a frozen pizza and put it in the oven. While eating, Brenda appeared to be more relaxed than during the early part of the morning. They picked up his suit in the afternoon and it was ready. Ian tried it on before they left the store and he was satisfied with the fit, as was Brenda, who nodded approvingly.

They headed back to her house where Ian took his suit and clothes upstairs, while Brenda checked phone messages and her own mail. There was mostly bills and advertisements and Brenda put the bills aside to be taken over to Roger's office where he would pay them from the estate. She knew that the bill paying would eventually fall to her and she wondered where the money would come from. She had hoped to stay in school and get her MBA, but she would have to find work soon. Brenda figured that she would receive some money from her parents life insurance policies and their assets, but she hadn't a clue as to how much. She really hoped to keep the house, but she was sure that it's sale was inevitible and the thought of selling saddened her deeply. Brenda felt a bit guilty going through things that were addressed to her mom and dad, as if she were invading their privacy. Quite a few of them were credit card bills and Brenda was surprised at the balances. Almost all of them were $200 or less. She was grateful that they took such good care of their credit. Of course, she didn't know if there were any others, but she felt secure in the knowledge of what she had discovered. The other bills included power and light, cable, telephone, and water. She arranged the bills in neat stacks on the coffee table and left to find an envelope for them.

Brenda went to her father's study to look for the envelope. His room and desk were just as neat as his office downtown and Brenda didn't want to disturb anything. Not seeing any envelopes out in the open, she began to open drawers in the desk. Not finding anything in the side drawers, she opened the middle drawer. Inside was a ledger marked 'checking' . Not knowing what to expect, Brenda placed it on the desk in front of her, opened it, and began to study.

It was almost an hour before Brenda emerged from the study, envelopes in hand. She closed the door softly and returned to the living room in a semi-daze. Ian was reading a book that he had found and didn't look up. Brenda walked slowly to the sofa and eased herself into the cushion next to him.

"Uh, Ian," she said with a slight catch in her throat.

"Um," he said, still engrossed in the book.

She turned to him and put her hand on his arm. Ian looked at her. "I need to talk, I think," she said.

"What's up?" he asked, closing the book.

"Well, I, um, I was looking for envelopes in dad's study and I came across some of his bank accounts, you know, checking and savings."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It only had his name on them, which I found a bit strange, but it looked like he paid bills with this ledger."

"Okay."

"Anyway, the balance was pretty high on the checking."

"How much."

"Over $30,000."

Ian whistled his appreciation. "That's quite a sum."

"Yeah, that's just part of it. I'm sure they had some type of joint account, but if he had his own account, I think mom would have had one, too. I couldn't find any other accounts, though. Maybe mom has them elsewhere."

"You said something about savings," he reminded her.

"Oh yes," she said excitedly, her hand touching his arm once more. "I almost forgot. How could I forget that?" She smacked her forehead with her palm. "You wouldn't believe the amount in savings."

"How much?" he asked.

"You won't believe it."

"Yes, I will. How much?" He was getting impatient.

"Over $425,000!"

"Wow!" Ian said. Although his family was much wealthier than Brenda's, he was still impressed.

"Wow is right," Brenda said as she sunk into the cushions of the sofa. "I never knew they had that much money. They never really showed it. I mean we've always had this house and nice cars and stuff. I guess I never thought about it. They never discussed money and finances with me."

"That's weird, considering you're a finance major."

"Yeah, it is. It's just hard to believe. I guess I won't have to worry about bills for a while," she said relieved. They're looking after me, even in death, she thought to herself. Of course, she knew that the assets wouldn't stay that high once all of the bills, legal fees, and taxes were paid, but she was sure that she could get her MBA without having to work for the next few years.

Later, she went through her mom's office and found her accounts. Although not as substantial as her father's, it still totaled over $50,000. She was still puzzled over the fact that she didn't see a joint account anywhere. She was sure that they would have an account together. It just didn't make sense. She went back to her father's study and looked around, but didn't see anything. Perhaps Roger could provide the answers for her.

Ian was asleep on the sofa, the book beside him, when Brenda finally came back from the study. She smiled when she saw him and debated as to wake him or find a blanket and cover him. She shut off the TV as she went by and sat down next to him. He didn't stir as she took the book and placed it on the table.

"Hey Ian," she said softly, shaking his shoulder. "It's getting late."

Ian slowly opened one eye and closed it. "Go away, I'm trying to sleep," he said as a smirk appeared. He opened his other eye and closed it.




Brenda & Ian Ch. 02



Sunday March 21

Brenda woke long before the set time on the alarm. She looked over at Ian, who was sleeping on his stomach facing away from her. Poor guy, she thought to herself. She resisted touching him, not wanting to disturb him. I've put him through a lot these past few days, she thought. PMS, guilt, and depression hit her Friday and Saturday and Ian was conveniently there for the show. He handled it as best as he could considering it was his first experience. Brenda's mood swings varied from wanting to be held and cuddled to biting his head off for no apparent reason.

Confused and upset, he left and went to his house to get away for a while on Saturday. He wasn't away long, but it did him good. Normally, Brenda's PMS wasn't too severe. Most of the time, she was merely grouchy. However, with depression hitting her and feeling guilty over her new-found happiness with Ian, she was in rare form. When he returned, they had a long talk, with Brenda trying to describe what she was feeling and Ian trying to comprehend. Mentally exhausted from tiptoeing around her on eggshells, Ian turned in early Saturday evening, leaving Brenda feeling guilty and upset about that too.

Looking out at the dark stillness, she felt better than she had. Still depressed, she no longer felt guilty about being happy with Ian. She felt so sorry for taking everything out on him. Brenda knew that it wasn't fair and it wasn't his fault, but she just couldn't stop being mean. She understood completely when he left, she would have done the same thing. Knowing that her emotions had been on a roller coaster for the past week, she hoped that this was the worst and that she'd be able to control her emotions better the next time.

They hadn't made love for the past two days, either. Ian didn't press the issue when Brenda woke up snarling Friday morning. Nothing kills an erection faster than a tigress with claws and fangs exposed. Brenda missed the closeness but was afraid that her emotions would switch right in the middle of an interlude. She knew that she would be mourning for her parents for a long time and only hoped that she wouldn't take it out on Ian anymore.

Carefully and quietly, Brenda got out of bed and put on her robe over her nightgown. It was only five o'clock, but she was wide awake. They were going to entertain members of her family who had received things from the will. When she wasn't snapping at Ian, they had collected most of the gifts and put them in the formal dining room. Brenda didn't understand the reasoning behind some of the gifts, but she hoped that her family could tell her the story behind it. She also planned to tell them about her adoption, but hadn't decided upon whether or not to say anything about her and Ian's relationship. She didn't want to deny their relationship, yet she wasn't going to tell them that they'd been screwing like bunnies since she found out. Brenda had no idea as to how to approach it and she wanted to ask Ian when he awoke.

Brenda walked to the window and looked out. Her bedroom looked out over the street and she could see a gentle breeze moving the branches to and fro. It was supposed to be a nice day, breezy and sunny with no rain in sight. A beautiful day for a walk in the park, she thought. She began thinking about times when her parents and Ryan would take her to the park and let her play on the slides and swings. Ryan used to push her while she was on the swing making her go high as she laughed and giggled. Her parents would always tell him to ease up, much to her disappointment. She never tired of the swings and slides and would become upset when it was time to go home. Although it was a happy memory, sad tears began to form as she tried to wish them away. They were too strong, however, and she cried as quietly as possible. When she finished, she dried her eyes with her sleeve. When she turned, Ian was looking at her as he lay on his side and supported his head with his hand.

"I didn't wake you, I hope," Brenda said, sniffling.

"No, you didn't wake me," he replied, "it was more like not feeling you next to me. You okay?"

"Oh, just the usual," she said as she walked back to the bed. "I just can't stop feeling sad." She sat down on the bed and looked at him.

"It's going to take time, a long time."

"I know."

Ian didn't know what else to say. He couldn't begin to understand her emotions now, no matter how much she explained them to him. He had never seen this side of her and he couldn't say that it was a pleasant experience. He could handle the depression, he had helped her through that before. The PMS was an absolute mystery to him. He could never remember his mother going through the vicious mood swings that had occurred over the past four days, or maybe she took it out on his father, sparing him. He didn't know.

Brenda removed her robe and climbed back into bed next to Ian. He covered her with the sheet and blanket and drew her close to him. Soon, they fell back asleep with her in his arms.

The alarm woke them two hours later with Brenda still laying against him. She reached over Ian and shut it off. She really didn't want to get up, partly from the depression, but mostly because she felt so safe and secure in Ian's arms. Before she got up, she lay on Ian once more and hugged him tight.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, fighting back tears.

"For what?"

"For being such a bitch lately."

"I hadn't noticed," he replied, grinning.

"Yeah, right."

"Don't worry about it. I'll survive."

"I shouldn't take it out on you. You're the one person who's kept me sane this past week. You're everything to me. I'll try not to do it anymore. I promise."

"Okay."

"I love you so much," she said as she kissed him.

"I love you, too."

Brenda got out of bed and began to take off her nightgown, showing off her taut, shapely figure to him. Wide eyed and grinning, Ian stared at her. Brenda tossed her nightgown to Ian, which he caught neatly.

"Want to take a shower with me?" She asked seductively.

"I won't be able to control myself," he replied as he tossed aside the covers.

"God, I hope not," she giggled as she took his hand and led the way.

The afternoon was pleasant as about twenty guests gathered at the house. Brenda read the will from beginning to end. When she finished reading it, she led them to the dining room where the gifts were laid out.

When they were all there, Brenda said, "I know that there might be some things that you may want that aren't in the will. Please let me know and maybe we can work something out."

Brenda paused for a few moments to collect her thoughts. She continued, "Now, there was another thing that I wanted to say that wasn't in the will. From what my lawyer told me, no one knew about this and mom and dad never told me, although I think they really wanted to someday." Brenda fought to compose herself.

"I'm adopted," she said, finally as looks of shock and then, sympathy, appeared on their faces. "It was quite a shock, believe me, and I'm still not used to it. I don't know why they never told me," she lied, "but that's in the past."

"I have no desire to find my "real" family. Everyone in this room is my family and I need nothing else," she said, looking directly at Ian.

Brenda's Aunt Marie and Uncle Russell were the first to come to her. Marie, with outstretched arms, hugged Brenda tightly. Soon, everyone else gathered around her, showing their support and love. Ian discreetly went to the kitchen and got more soda and beer from the basement refrigerator. When he returned, Brenda was chatting with several people.

While he was placing the drinks and ice on the table, an attractive blonde, Brenda's cousin, Kelly, came upon him. She had been one of the girls who had flirted with him at the funeral.

"So, you're still living here?" she asked.

"Only until school starts again," he replied, not really trusting her. "My folks will be back by then," he added for no particular reason.

"Your parents don't know you're living here?"

"Of course they do," he said.

"Sure," she said, smiling.

Ian fished into his pocket for a piece of paper. "Here's their number in Moscow. Call them if you like." He pushed the paper to her.

"No thanks," she replied, a bit bored now that she wasn't able to make him squirm. "So, what have you guys been up to?" she asked, trying another tactic.

"Well," Ian began, not biting on the bait, "Brenda's been depressed and crying a lot lately. Some little thing about her parents being dead and finding out that she's adopted. Other than that, nothing much."

"Well, you don't have to be so flippant about it. I was just asking," she said as a slight pout appeared. 

Ian wasn't fooled, but he apologized anyway. He excused himself and sought Brenda. Kelly watched his hasty retreat and laughed to herself.

For the rest of the afternoon, Ian avoided any further encounters with Kelly. Brenda decided not to mention anything about her relationship with Ian until they talked with Ian's parents first and Ian was happy with that. He didn't think that anyone needed to know at that time, although he assumed that some people already had their suspicions.

Brenda appeared to be in better spirits. Perhaps giving the gifts to her relatives helped her feel better. After everyone had departed, Ian helped her clean up, although there wasn't much to do. It took them less than an hour and the house looked almost spotless. It was getting close to dinner time, but neither wanted to cook. Instead, they went to pizza restaurant that Ian frequented. Brenda ordered only a salad and bread sticks, while Ian had a medium pizza with plans to take half of it home for leftovers. Midway through the meal, Brenda revealed that she had told her Aunt Marie in private about their relationship.

"I thought we agreed to wait," Ian said, a bit upset.

"We did," she responded, "but she already knew anyway."

"How?"

"Just call it woman's intuition," Brenda said. She saw Ian tense up, his eyes narrowing. "Relax, Ian. She won't tell anyone, not even Uncle Russell. I trust her completely."

"Well, okay," he said as he let out a sigh. "I just want to take some time before we announce everything."

"We will, but we'll have to tell your folks when they get back."

"I know."

"Are you worried about it?"

"Not really. They'll either be okay with it or they'll disown me. I can handle it either way."

"I really don't think they'll disown you."

"Well, mom wouldn't, but dad would if he gets mad enough."

"Why would he get that upset?" Brenda asked. "Once he finds out about the adoption, he'll know that we aren't blood related. It shouldn't be that big a deal."

"He would be mad because he wouldn't be able to control it. He likes to be in charge of everything, including me. He can't quite get over the fact that I'm an adult and capable of making decisions. Even if he did approve, he'd probably want a say in where and when we got married."

Brenda took in everything that Ian said and smiled. "Well, since we really haven't discussed it much, when do you want to get married?"

"I don't know," he replied. "I haven't really thought about an actual date yet." He took a drink from his water glass. "Do you have anything specific in mind?"

"How about after graduation?" She said, still smiling.

"What, mine?"

"No, mine," she replied.

"You're not talking about after your MBA, are you?"

"No."

"You're talking about this year?" he asked.

"Yes."

Ian put his napkin on the table in front of him and tried to collect his thoughts. "I don't know, Bren," he began, "that's pretty quick. I thought we might wait a while. Won't it be hard to put a wedding together that fast?"

"I really don't want to wait until next year."

"I just thought it would be better if we were both graduated," he replied.

"What difference would it make?" she asked, her voice a bit agitated. "I'll be in school at least two more years and you have five more. We'll both be in school for quite a while. Do you want to wait that long?"

Brenda eyed him as he thought things over. He hoped that his answer wouldn't make her mad or make her think that he didn't love her or want to marry her.

"I don't know," he said, "I certainly don't want to wait five years, but this is pretty quick for me. I mean, a week ago, I wasn't even dating anyone, and now I'm talking about a wedding date! It's a bit overwhelming and I think I need a day or two to get used to it."

"Oh, I see," Brenda said quietly, disappointed. "Maybe it is too soon. I don't know. I just thought that you'd want to get married right away, like I do." She sniffed and looked the other way.

Ian reached across the table and took her hand. "Hey," he said softly as she looked back at him, "don't ever think that I don't want to marry you. Just give me a day or two and we'll talk about a date again. Okay?

"Okay," she nodded.

The rest of the dinner time went by quietly as Ian thought about different dates and whether or not waiting a year would make a difference. Every once in a while, he'd look up and see Brenda staring at him, almost knowing what he was thinking about. She would just smile and go back to her dinner. It didn't appear that she was upset about his answer and he was grateful for that.

After dinner, they went grocery shopping and had fun arguing about what to buy. Brenda was more of a fruit and vegetable, healthy eater, whereas Ian was the typical college student; he saw, he ate. He'd put something in the cart and Brenda would put it back just as quickly. Brenda would put something in the cart that Ian didn't like and he would make a rude comment about her selection. This went on for almost the entire time and Ian was beginning to think that they were already married. He then realized that it didn't matter when they were married, all that mattered was that they were together.

"I can't believe that you're buying all of this healthy crap," he complained as Brenda picked out different flavors of yogurt. "I won't be able to find anything to eat when we get home."

"Poor baby," she replied as she continued to stockpile the yogurt. "You'd better get used to it because I'm going to get you to eat right, even if it kills you!"

Ian started to laugh, but stopped when he saw the look of horror on her face.

"What?" he asked, looking at her. Brenda had both hands covering her mouth.

"I can't believe I said that! Oh my God, I'm sorry," she cried.

He took the yogurt from her hand and put them in the cart, then placed both hands on her shoulders. "It's okay. It was a joke. Don't worry about it."

"I know, but..."

"It was funny. It's okay."

He pulled her close and held her tight for a few seconds.

"I didn't mean it..." her voice trailed off.

"I know, I know," he said as he smoothed her hair. "Don't worry about it," he said earnestly.

She pulled away from him and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Let's go find some junk food," she said, sniffing and trying to smile.

"Now you're talking," Ian laughed.

As he helped her put away the groceries, Ian knew that he needed no more time to think about a wedding date. Watching her move about the kitchen, Ian knew that a piece of paper couldn't tell him what he already knew in his heart, that he was already married to her in his mind, soul, and body.

When they finished, Ian sat at the bar and announced, "We got to talk about this wedding stuff."

Confused, Brenda said, "I thought you needed some time to think about it." She sat down next to him.

"I don't need to think about it any more," he said seriously.

"You don't?"

"No." There was a long pause.

"Well?" she asked anxiously.

"Well what?"

"Oh Ian, stop it! That drives me crazy."

"Okay, okay," he laughed. "Over the last few years, both of wished that we weren't cousins, weren't related, and now that's come true. We've found that we shouldn't waste time because you never know what might happen. So, what I guess what I'm trying to say is this; whenever, wherever, however you want to get married, I'll be there. It can be tomorrow, next week, or next year. All I know is that I want to be with you forever starting right now." He stared at her, waiting for her reaction.

Not believing what she heard, she said, "Are you sure?"

"Well, tomorrow, I might change my mind, but I'm sure right now," he grinned.

"Oh Ian!" she squealed as she threw herself at him, upsetting the bar stool and sending it toppling to the floor. It went unnoticed as Brenda smothered him with kisses. 

"Oh God, Ian, I love you so much," she said when she came up for air. His arms were around her waist as she looked down at him. "I love you more than anything," she continued as her lips found his mouth once again. His hands dropped down to her firm butt and he began to squeeze it gently. As their kisses became more heated, he moved his hands upward and began teasing her nipples through her blouse and bra. Brenda squirmed a little as it was tickling her more than arousing her. Ian eased off and began massaging her breasts as their tongues met and playfully wrestled.

"Maybe we should go upstairs," Brenda said breathlessly as she pulled her shirt-tail out of her slacks.

"We're doing fine right here," grinned Ian as he started to unbutton her blouse.

"Come on," she said, taking his hands from her blouse and pushing away. "I want something soft underneath me. We can try tables and floors some other time."

"What about the washer during the spin cycle? I've heard that's fun," Ian said.

"Well," she giggled, "maybe next time I'm doing laundry, you can have your way with me."

"Promise?"

Brenda laughed, "Come on." She pulled him off the stool and led him upstairs.

Her bare breasts swayed above him as she rocked gently, riding him slowly and loving the feeling of him fully inside her. Ian reached up and touched them, feeling their soft roundness in his hands. He rubbed his palms over the nipples lightly, delighted in seeing them protrude. Brenda murmured a sigh of approval as she continued rocking in a slow, sensual motion. The mini-waves began to roll in and Brenda groaned from the pleasure that she was feeling.

Ian reached forward and began to fondle her clitoris, her lips and vulva slick from their juices. A huge shiver went through her and she stiffened slightly, her vaginal muscles tightening around Ian. He moaned at the pressure, but Brenda continued her rhythmic swaying. Ian started to move his hips and began thrusting into her as she came down on him.

"No baby," she whispered, "let me do it." Ian stopped and began stimulating her clitoris once more. Soon, her rocking became faster and her breasts started to bounce, an erotic view for Ian as he watched.

As the minutes passed, her bucking quickened, pushing herself onto him harder and feeling him get bigger inside her as his release came nearer. Soon, the waves exploded inside of her, sending spasm after spasm through her as she frantically impaled herself again and again on Ian. She said no words, but her groans and squeals told Ian that she was in the throes of a great orgasm. As her vaginal muscles tightened around him, he could no longer control himself as his penis began to pulsate within her. Brenda stopped bucking and let herself feel each stream as it soaked her insides, her own spasms coming in slow, delicate waves from within.

They laid side by side staring at each other, totally lost in the moment. No words were spoken as Ian drew her close and began kissing her softly all over her face. His lips tickled her eyelashes as he kissed each lid. Brenda particularly liked it when he kissed her nose, as no one had ever done that before. He nibbled on each earlobe and made it down to her neck, where he kissed her throat at the notch between her collar bones. Brenda's eyes were closed as she wrapped her leg over his thigh, her breasts pressed against him. Ian noticed the stickiness of her inner thighs but said nothing, his head against her chest.




Brenda & Ian Ch. 02



"I need you so much," she whispered, her breath hot in his ear. Ian placed his hand on her back and began to run his finger lightly across her skin.

"You'll never get rid of me," he replied.

"I never want to let you go. You're part of me now. If you left, a part of me would surely die." Brenda pulled back and looked at Ian seriously. "Tell me you'll never leave me. I couldn't live without you. Please tell me!"

"I'll never leave you. I promise," he replied just as seriously, staring directly into her misting brown eyes. "I love you too much to ever let you go."

Thursday March 25

Brenda woke up horny that morning as she had the previous two. She started her period on Monday and she really wanted Ian. Unfortunately, she knew it would be another day or two before it would end. Of course, they had done everything else besides intercourse, their tongues and mouths working their magic many times over, but she ached for Ian to be inside her and make them one once more. But, Ian was more than happy to please her in every other way, so who was she to stop him from that?

She rolled over and found the other side of the bed empty. Tempted to play with herself, she thought better of it, wanting Ian to do it. His fingers and tongue always gave her more intense orgasms than when she soloed. She pulled on a robe and made her way down to the kitchen where she found Ian reading the morning newspaper.

"Hi," he said as he peeked over the top.

"What are you doing up so early?" she asked as she went to the refrigerator.

"I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come down here for a while."

"Oh," she replied as she poured herself a glass of orange juice. She looked at the clock and it was only four-fifteen. She put the juice carton back in the fridge and sat down next to him.

"What time is their plane due in?" she asked, reaching for a section of the paper.

"Around one-thirty," he answered quietly.

Brenda could tell that he was very apprehensive about his parents returning just by the way he had been acting since his mother called the previous evening. He had been quiet, pensive, and to himself until they went to bed, and only then did he go back to his joking, playful self. Of course, Brenda being naked probably had a lot to do with it.

"What time do you want to go?"

"Noon, I guess," he answered. "I need to stop by the house and make sure everything's in order." Sometimes, the maid got lazy when his parents were away and he certainly didn't want them upset once they got home. "On second thought," he added, "maybe eleven would be better in case things aren't right."

"But, Ian, no one's been there to mess anything up. You've been here almost the entire time."

"I just want to make sure," he said, his voice starting to tense.

"Okay," she answered. She knew he was determined to go early and nothing could change his mind, so she dropped it. Still tired, she finished her juice and put down the paper that she hadn't read. Yawning and stretching, she said, "Well, I'm going back to bed. Coming?"

"I don't know. I'm not very tired," he answered, although his voice betrayed him.

"Suit yourself," she said as she stood up, opened up her robe and revealed her nakedness to him, "but I give killer back rubs."

Ian eyes traveled from her perky breasts to her trimmed pubic hair and he grinned. "Gee, I'm feeling tired all of the sudden." He put the paper aside and joined a laughing Brenda back to bed.

They woke up at eight o'clock still in each other's arms. Ian had fallen asleep almost immediately from her touch and she soon thereafter. While Ian showered, Brenda changed her tampon. It was still red and glistening and Brenda angrily flushed it. After she inserted a new one, she joined him and they had a leisurely, sensual shower together. Brenda wished that they could stay in there forever as Ian gently cleansed her from top to bottom, stopping only to briefly tease her nipples with his lips and tongue. She almost climaxed right then and there, but she needed more. When the water started to cool, they got out and toweled off in the hot, steamy room. Once in the bedroom, Ian finished what he started, kissing, licking, and stroking all of her favorite spots until she came to a quick and sweet climax.

"You are so good," she said as she kissed him, stroking his face. She could see a hint of sadness in his green eyes. She thought about saying something, but she let it pass. Ian scooted down slightly and rested his face between her breasts, sighing as he did so.

Brenda smiled and began running her hand through his hair. She enjoyed having him lay on her. It comforted her. They stayed that way, saying nothing, for ten minutes or so before Brenda nudged him and told him that it was time to get ready. Reluctantly, Ian raised up from her chest.

"Too bad, I was really enjoying that," he said sleepily.

"Me too," she agreed. Brenda gave him a quick kiss before they got out of bed and began getting ready.

Driving to his house, Ian was clearly becoming more and more nervous about his parents return. He was very quiet and his mind wandered periodically. He had no idea how they would react to the news, but somehow he had the feeling that it wasn't going to be pretty. Besides checking on the maid, they needed to change cars, his car being much too small to handle all of the luggage that they had for the trip. They parked in the garage and entered the house. Ian made a quick inspection of the lower level and found it satisfactory. They went upstairs and found the maid cleaning one of the bathrooms, although Brenda thought it to be spotless. The maid heard them and turned to greet them.

"Oh, Mr. Nicks, it's good to see you. I was just finishing up."

"Everything looks good, Mrs. Thomas. We'll be back sometime around three o'clock."

"I've turned all of the beds, so they can rest after their flight," she said.

"That's fine. I'm sure they'll want to rest when they return," Ian replied. "Well, we'll be going." Ian and Brenda turned to leave as the maid returned to her work.

When they were out of hearing range, Brenda said, "Everything looks perfect. I thought you said she wasn't that good."

"She's good when she wants to be," he responded curtly. 

They stopped by his room and went in. It was small, just the way Ian liked it. Brenda liked his room also. It was familiar to her and it looked like a typical college kids room. He had various wall hangings of sports teams on one wall and movie posters on another. A large bookcase almost covered a third. It was a bit cluttered, but fairly neat. The maid never cleaned or rearranged his room, per his request, so that things wouldn't be misplaced or lost. He did his own cleaning and his parents never bothered him about it.

Since it was still early, they decided to hang around the house for a bit. They went to the rec room and played billiards and table tennis. Ian beat Brenda easily at billiards, mainly because he played virtually every day, but found her to be quite a challenge at table tennis. She was very quick and always seemed to find the corners with her shots. They split four games and stopped when it was time to go. Brenda chided him about quitting just before she was going to beat him again, but Ian only shrugged and smiled. They went to the garage and Ian led Brenda to his father's Mercedes where let her in.

During the ride to the airport, Brenda tried to joke with Ian, but was met with a tight smile, a one word reply, or stone silence. When he took her hand in his, it seemed to be the only comfort he wanted at that time. They reached the airport with about a half hour to spare and immediately checked with the airline for the time of arrival. It was going to be on time, so they sat down and waited.

After a few minutes of checking out the people and the hustle and bustle of the airport, Brenda asked, "So, when are we going to tell them?"

Ian thought carefully as he took his eyes off of a magazine that was in his hands. His stomach was churning from nerves. He didn't like confrontations and was a bit intimidated by his father. But, this was the one time when he was standing up for himself and would not be bullied. He knew that he was in the driver's seat, so to speak, and nothing that his father said or did would make a bit of difference. He only hoped that it wouldn't come to an ultimatum, that they would be happy for them and support them.

"This evening would be best," he said, "after they're settled and rested."

"Okay," Brenda replied. She knew that he was tense about telling them, but she didn't know how to reassure him. Brenda was determined that Ian would be in her bed that evening and every evening thereafter, no matter what. There was no way that she ever wanted to be alone again and if it meant alienating her aunt and uncle, her futures, then so be it. She knew all too well how short life and true happiness were, and she wasn't going to let it slip away. Brenda leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek and smiled at him.

"Hey, no PDA in front of the folks until we tell them," Ian said seriously.

Brenda didn't know if he was joking or not. "Can I at least hold your hand?"

"I, I don't know," he stammered as he looked away. He hoped that it wouldn't anger her.

"Oh, come on, Ian," she said gently, not angry at all. "We've been affectionate around them before. I don't think they'll think anything of it. Anyway, I'm going to take your hand whether you like it or not. And if you resist at all, I'll start unbuttoning my blouse." She leaned over and unbuttoned the first button, revealing the tops of her breasts and her white lace bra.

"Oh Jesus!" Ian said. "Don't do that, Brenda. I won't be able to stand up!"

Brenda giggled and started to unbutton the second one.

"Okay, okay," he relented, "you can hold my hand, but please don't undress right now. Save it until we get home."

Brenda smiled as she re-buttoned her blouse. When he said "home", she knew he meant to be in her house, in her bed that night. She wanted to make that night extra special for Ian in appreciation for his courage.

Janet and Adrian came into view a few minutes after two o'clock. Janet saw Ian and Brenda first and her heart sank. She had hoped to Ian would be alone, not wanting to face Brenda that soon. They strode quickly through the terminal until Ian saw them. He waved to them and stood up.

He leaned down to Brenda, "Well, here it goes."

Brenda nodded and tried to smile as she slowly rose from the seat.

Janet waved back as they exited the terminal. Ian met them, hugging his mother and kissing her on the cheek. When he released her, she looked at Brenda awkwardly.

As Ian moved over to shake his father's hand, Brenda moved forward to Janet. Brenda had always liked Ian parents, although she wasn't close to them.

As they embraced, Janet said, "I'm sorry."

Brenda replied, "I know. Thank you."

"I should have come," Janet said sadly, trying to make up to her.

"It's okay."

"It's not okay," Janet replied stiffly, "I should have come." She looked down in embarrassment.

"It's okay," Brenda insisted, touched by Janet's sincerity. Brenda hugged her once more before Janet let go.

"We'll talk at the house, okay?" Janet said.

"Sure."

She moved over and hugged her Uncle Adrian. When they parted, Adrian said, "Let's get the bags. It'll be good to get home."

As they walked to the baggage area, Ian asked, "How was the trip?"

"Not as good as I hoped, but I got a few contracts signed," his father replied. "But, I don't know if I made enough to offset your mother's spending," he added wryly. Janet playfully punched him in the ribs.

Once they gathered all of the baggage, Ian found a luggage dolly and they filled it. They walked to the entrance of the airport, the men saying nothing while Janet engaged Brenda in small talk about the trip. As they waited, Ian brought the car to the entrance. Janet and Brenda sat in the back seat as Ian and Adrian packed the trunk. It took a few minutes of rearranging, but they managed to get it all in and still be able to close the lid. Ian tried to give the keys to his father, but Adrian wanted nothing to do with driving, feeling a bit off balance from the mini bottles of bourbon that he had consumed during the flight.

When they arrived home, Ian parked in the garage. Mrs. Pyrzinski, the cook, was busy preparing a meal when Janet and Brenda walked in. Ian and his father arrived minutes later, luggage in hand, and made their way upstairs to the bedrooms. They would make another trip to the garage before all of the luggage was brought in. Mrs. Thomas helped Janet and Brenda unpack the suitcases while Ian went back downstairs and Adrian prepared to take a shower.

"It's so good to be home," Janet said to Brenda after she instructed Mrs. Thomas about the clothes. They were in Janet's study, a large room that overlooked the east side of the house. Janet walked over to a couch and invited Brenda to sit down with her. They sat awkwardly for a few moments as Janet tried to decide how to begin a conversation.

Finally, she began. "You know, I've always regretted not getting closer to you. I guess your father and I not speaking had a lot to do with it, but that's no excuse. I wish your father and I had gotten along better, but we were both too stubborn. For as long as can remember, we always fought and argued. We just could not be civil to each other. It was as much my fault as it was his, but we should have done something about it."

Brenda watched for any signs of her breaking down, but saw none. Janet was stoic and matter of fact.

"When your father and I stopped speaking," she continued, "I wished that I could have had a good relationship with you, as good as Ian seemed to have with Harry and Alice, but we were gone a lot and you two weren't around as much. I guess I just didn't make a good enough effort." Janet touched her hand. "I want to make that up to you. I know it's too late for Harry and I and it should have started a long time ago, but I don't want to lose touch with you again. I don't have too much family left..." Her voice trailed off.

Brenda looked down at their hands. Her aunt's hands were long and slender, much like her father's were. She looked back at Janet and thought she saw tears forming, but she wasn't sure.

"I'd like that very much," Brenda said. "I've always liked you and Uncle Adrian. You've always treated me kindly, even when things were at their worst between dad and you. I..."

Brenda hesitated, not knowing if she should go further. She looked momentarily out the window to gather her thoughts. Janet was still looking at her intently, waiting for Brenda to continue.

"I've always wanted to know," Brenda began again, "why you two stopped speaking. Ian doesn't have an idea and dad never discussed it. Would you please tell me now?" Her eyes pleaded, begging her aunt to solve a mystery for her.

Janet exhaled loudly and looked away. She got up from the couch and walked to the window, hands folded in front of her. She turned back to Brenda and said quietly, "I promised your father and mother that I would never say anything about it."

"They're dead now. Please tell me."

"I...I can't. They should have told you."

"Told me? Told me what? They can't tell me anything now. It's okay to tell me..." Suddenly, it all fell into place. Brenda dropped her head as it sunk in. All of the animosity between her father and aunt over the previous five years was because of her.

"It was about my adoption, wasn't it?" she asked softly, barely audible. She continued to look down at her hands.

Janet nodded. "When did you find out?"

"It was with the will."

"They never told you," Janet said with disapproval in her voice. "I'm so sorry. I wanted them to tell you a long time ago, as soon as I found out about it. I could never understand why they kept it from you. You should have known long ago. I'm so sorry," she said once more.

"I wished that they had told me. It was such a shock to me, finding out from a piece of paper. I'm still trying to get over it." Brenda looked up at her aunt. "How did you know I was adopted? I thought no one else knew."

Janet went back to the sofa and sat beside Brenda once more. "I overheard them arguing in your kitchen one evening. Your mother wanted to tell you, but your father was against it. I tried to reason with him, but our tempers got the best of us and things deteriorated from there. Sometimes, I wished that I had just told you myself. It couldn't have made things any worse, since we weren't speaking to each other, but it just wasn't my place."

"I almost wish that, too," Brenda said. "I guess I'll never understand."

They were silent for a few minutes as they searched for things to say. Janet glanced out the window before she spoke. "We were surprised that Ian is still at your house."

"I asked him to stay."

"That's odd."

"How so?"

"I know Ian and I didn't think he would stay more than a day or two."

"I really needed him to stay."

"Someone else could have stayed with you, an aunt, a friend from school..."

"No one else offered," Brenda interrupted. She wondered what she was getting at.

"What's going on between you two?" Janet blurted out.

"Wha...? Brenda stammered.

"Oh, come now, dear. I can see the way you look at him. It's not too hard to see. Why else would he have stayed at your house for so long? I see it in him every time he looks at you. So, how serious is it?" she demanded.

Brenda was stuck. She didn't know whether to tell her the whole story, part of it, or none of it. She really wanted Ian with her at that moment, but he was nowhere in sight. Janet waited patiently for Brenda to answer, her steel gray eyes softening momentarily.

"I guess..." Brenda began softly, "Well..." her voice barely audible, "We never meant to fall in love..."

"You two are in love?" Janet asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"But, you're cousins," Janet said.

"In name only," Brenda retorted. "We have no blood lines."

"This can't go on. You must stop this nonsense now. What will people think?" Janet's voice was starting to rise.

"People will think what they want. We can't change that."

"Brenda, you can't continue this," Janet pleaded. "I ask you to stop this nonsense before it gets out of hand! Adrian will flip if he finds out!"

"Aunt Janet," Brenda said calmly, "we have no intention of stopping. We love each other so much. We hoped for your support."

"I can't support this," she hissed. "You are cousins, no matter what you think. Incest is still against the law in this state!"

"We are cousins in name only," Brenda insisted. "Why can't you understand that? We are not blood related, therefore it is not incest and we are not breaking any laws."

Janet got up abruptly from the sofa, walked behind it and slapped the back of the sofa with her hand. Brenda flinched at the sound and looked back at her. "Adrian is going to flip, he's just going to flip out," Janet said as she shook her head back and forth. She paced the floor behind the sofa, hands on her hips. 

"How far are you planning to take this?" she asked.

"We plan to marry after I graduate," Brenda replied firmly. Where was Ian?

"Marry after you graduate?" Janet squealed. "Are you out of your mind? I can't believe this! Have you really thought about this? Do you know what this will do to us? My God, think about it."

"What this will do to you? Is that all you care about? What about Ian and me? Don't you want him to be happy? Don't you want us to be happy? My God, don't you...." Brenda stopped as Ian appeared at the door.

"I guess I interrupted something serious," he said as he walked in.

"Just your wedding plans," Janet spat out.

"I see. I was hoping to discuss it this evening," he said nervously, but he was glad to have it out in the open.




Brenda & Ian Ch. 02



"What is the matter with you, Ian?" Janet growled. "Don't you realize that you and Brenda are cousins and that will never change? Think of our reputations and how it will hurt the family."

"I never thought that marrying the person that I love and cherish would hurt our family. I would hope that everyone would understand and be happy for us. Obviously, you think otherwise and nothing I say will make any difference." Ian stopped talking and moved closer to Brenda.

"I can't believe you two are actually serious about this," she snapped. "Your father is going to have an absolute fit..."

"Fit about what?" Adrian said from the doorway. He was dressed in a bathrobe and slippers and had a towel wrapped around his neck.

Ian turned at his father's voice and felt his stomach start to churn. In as firm a voice that he could muster, Ian said, "Brenda found out that she's adopted when the will was read. We love each other and we want to get married." There was no turning back now.

Adrian's eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. Ian thought he saw a vein bulge from his forehead, but he wasn't sure. Adrian thrust his hands into the pockets of the robe and began to pace the floor.

"Let me get this straight," he began, "Brenda's adopted and you want to marry her."

"Yes," Ian answered.

"Did you knock her up?" he asked cruelly. Janet winced. Even she didn't expect that. Brenda looked at him with contempt. Only Ian didn't flinch. He knew what to expect from his father.

"I believe she's been on the pill since she was thirteen," Ian answered politely, "so, no, I don't think she's pregnant."

"So, you're telling me that within a week or two, you've decided to fall in love, play house, and get married."

"Actually, I think it was play house, fall in love, then get married," Ian answered sarcastically. He knew it would irritate his father dramatically, but he didn't care at this point.

"You don't seem to understand how serious this is."

"I take a marriage proposal very seriously," he answered flatly.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't. Fill me in."

"Does incest ring a bell?"

"It's not incest."

"How so?"

"We're not blood related."

"That doesn't matter."

"According to the law, it does."

"No one gives a shit about the law!" Adrian thundered. "It's how people perceive you. You two will always be cousins in everyone's eyes."

"Then everyone will have to develop a new perception."

"You will not do this," Adrian said, pointing his finger at Ian. "I won't let you."

"You have no say in this," Ian said quietly, in control.

"I don't have a say in this?" Adrian moved closer to Ian, trying to intimidate him. "Who pays for your schooling and everything you have?"

"Well, I'm on scholarship, but you pay for most of everything else." Ian worked summers to earn money for extras.

"You're being a real smart ass and it's starting to piss me off! You two are not getting married and that's final!" he roared.

"Dad, you don't have a say in this and you can't stop us, so please be reasonable," Ian said.

"Don't push it, Ian," he hissed. He turned to Brenda. "I think it's time for you to go home and forget this stupid notion of marriage. If you had kept your pants on, he wouldn't be in this mess."

Brenda's face went crimson with anger.

"Don't you dare talk to her like that!" Ian said firmly.

Adrian turned back to Ian. "You don't tell me what to do in my house, boy! I still run the show here and if you don't like it, get the hell out!" Ian looked at Brenda as she began to stand up.

"Adrian! That's enough! There's no reason for this talk," Janet exclaimed.

"They are not getting married and that's it. He's not going to talk to me that way and get away with it!"

"Come on, Brenda, let's go," Ian said.

"You wait right there," Adrian commanded.

"What?" Ian asked impatiently, wanting to leave.

Adrian held out his hand. "Give me your keys."

"Adrian, no!" Janet squealed.

"If he wants to leave that bad, he doesn't need keys." He turned back to Ian. "Oh, and by the way, you'll never get a dime from me."

Ian grinned and managed a chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Adrian demanded.

"You just don't get it, do you? I don't give a damn about your money anymore. You think that by cutting me off, I'll suddenly change my mind. I can't believe it." Ian dug into his pocket and pulled out his key chain.

"And the car keys, too." Adrian seethed.

Ian laughed and shook his head. He took off the house keys and the car keys and handed them to this father.

"Adrian, don't do this." Janet cried.

"He's not welcome until he learns respect and stops this idiotic notion of marrying her."

"You're crazy," Brenda said as she stood next to Ian. "I don't know what your problem is, but you need some serious therapy."

"That's enough out of you," Adrian warned.

"Is this how you do your business? If someone doesn't agree with you, you kick them out. Is that it? I pity you. There's something wrong with you."

"Get out of here," he dismissed her.

"Gladly." She walked past him and took Ian's hand.

"Adrian, stop it, stop it! You can't do this to him," Janet pleaded, crying. Adrian ignored her.

Ian and Brenda walked out of the room and went down the hall towards his room.

"You don't need to go in there," Adrian called behind them, "you're not taking anything with you."

Ian stopped and turned around. "I'm getting my books and notes. You may have paid for everything else, but you paid nothing for my schooling. I'm getting my books and notes and you can keep everything else!" Not waiting for a reply, they entered his room. He found three backpacks and filled them with textbooks and notebooks. Arms folded, Adrian waited at the door, Janet sobbing behind him. The only other thing that Ian took was his computer disks. He handed the lightest backpack to Brenda and he hoisted the other two onto his shoulders.

"You ready?" he whispered to Brenda. She nodded. Wordlessly, they brushed past Adrian and headed down the stairs. Brenda looked at Ian as the reached the front door and saw tears streaming down his face. Without looking back, he opened the door. They stepped out and closed the door behind them.

"You bastard!" Janet hissed at Adrian when the door closed.

"He'll be back," he said confidently. Janet strode away quickly, went back to her study and locked the door behind her.

They walked quickly away from the house and didn't look back. The backpacks were heavy against Ian's shoulders, but he barely noticed. His thoughts were filled with rage and disbelief. His figured his father would be upset, but he didn't think he would be that stupid. Like Brenda, he wondered how he became such a success at negotiating oil contracts. When he told Brenda that he might be disowned, he was partly kidding. He really didn't think that it would come to that.

Hands in his pockets and looking straight ahead, he thought that, eventually, they would come to their senses, at least his mother would. He knew that his father could be a different story. After five minutes, he stopped abruptly and dropped the books to the ground. His shoulders ached and they needed a break. Brenda slipped her backpack to the ground and looked at him. Ian stretched his arms behind him and sighed.

"I never thought it would be like this," he said, looking up. "Who would have thought?" He shook his head. Brenda slipped her arms around him and hugged him tight. Ian tried to smile, but couldn't. "Come on," he said, "it's only a few more blocks before we hit Main Street. We'll get a cab from there."

"Okay," Brenda said as she picked up one of the backpacks that Ian had carried.

"Hey, I've got that one," Ian protested as he tried to take it from her.

"No, I've got it," she insisted as she started to walk away from him. Shaking his head, he picked up the other two and followed her.

Once they were back at the house, they took the backpacks upstairs and put them in Ian's room. Ian sat on the bed and looked blankly at the wall. A few seconds later, Brenda sat down next to him and put her hand on his arm. 

"Want to talk?" she asked.

"Oh, I don't know," he sighed. "Everything's been pretty much laid out in the open. I guess we can cross two off of our wedding list."

"Please don't say that. Maybe they'll come around."

"You think so? You would have thought I was marrying the devil herself. They just couldn't get past the cousin thing."

"Well, we struggled with that for a while," Brenda replied. "Remember?"

"Yeah, but once we found out about your adoption, we got by that pretty fast."

"Record time, I think," Brenda smiled.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I just can't understand why they're so hung up on it. Our reputations. What will people think? It's so stupid."

"I don't know what to say," Brenda said.

"Neither do I right now. Mom might soften after a bit, but I really pissed off dad. I don't know if I've ever seen him madder. I knew he'd get mad, but that was ridiculous."

"It was like seeing a whole different person. I didn't know him," she added.

"Same here." Ian shrugged his shoulders and then stretched. "It's his loss," he mumbled to himself.

"What?" Brenda asked.

"Nothing," he replied. Ian put his arms around her shoulders and held her close before putting his head against her shoulder and chest. He sighed heavily but made no other sound.

Ian and his father were never close, but he was confused at the fury of his father's actions. He knew that the threat of disinheritance was always there, but he never thought that it would come to that. Although not altogether surprised, it still hurt nonetheless. Ian was sad, but not sad enough to cry. He wasn't going to cry over him anyway. Ian was very thankful to be with Brenda now. She was the only thing that made sense in his life at that moment.

Brenda held him tight and kissed his forehead, hoping to somehow comfort him. His head felt heavy against her, but she didn't complain. She knew how much he needed her at this time. After a few minutes, Ian's growling stomach interrupted the quiet time that they were sharing.

"Are we hungry?" Brenda laughed. Even Ian managed a smile.

"I guess so," he shrugged. He then remembered that they were going to eat at his parent's house until certain events nixed that plan.

"Come on, I'll fix us something," she said as she stood up and extended her hand to him.

"Nah, you don't have to. You've cooked the last few nights. You name the restaurant, my treat." Ian looked up at her.

"You sure?" she asked.

"Of course," he replied, "can't a guy treat his future wife to dinner?"

"I'd be a fool to pass that up. I may never see it happen again," she teased.

"Hey, that's not nice. I'm sure you'll see it at least once or twice more in the next fifty years."

"Whoopie!"

"Well, what do you expect? You're the millionaire in this house," he said, quite amused.

"Are you going to keep talking or do you want to eat?" Brenda demanded, hands on hips.

"Eat."

"Well, shut up and get going!" she commanded.

"Yes, ma'am."

Brenda chose a small Italian restaurant that catered to the university crowd. It wasn't crowded, being late afternoon, so she asked for a dimly lit corner table. The restaurant was quaint and charming, with soft instrumental music playing in the background. The waiter asked if they wanted anything to drink. Ian ordered a carafe of Zinfandel for them.

"Oh, I love a romantic," Brenda cooed.

"I only ordered it to get drunk. Did you want something, too?" he asked innocently.

"God, you're such a brat!" she exclaimed. You sure know how to ruin a moment."

"You wouldn't want me any other way," he said seriously.

"Never."

Brenda's soft eyes flickered through the flame of the candle that separated them. Ian couldn't help but to stare at her, her eyes and smile melting him. 

Once they received their meals, they took their time, thoroughly enjoying the food, wine, and each other's company. Exchanging glances, they didn't speak much, but let their eyes do the talking.

When they finished, Ian paid the bill and left a generous tip. Brenda offered to help pay, but Ian insisted. Adrian hadn't said anything about the remainder of the money that he had left Ian when they went to Europe, so Ian decided to use it mainly for school supplies and clothes. Ian still felt a bit uncomfortable with Brenda paying for everything, so anything that he could pay for made him feel better. Brenda understood and didn't make an issue out of it.

Neither felt like going home, so they decided to go to the mall and take in a movie. They decided on a comedy, but it wasn't scheduled to start for an hour and a half. They bought the tickets anyway and decided to stroll the mall to kill time.

They came upon a jewelry store and decided to go in. A sales clerk swooped in like a vulture seeing fresh road kill and asked if she could be of any assistance. Brenda thanked her, but said that they were only browsing and not ready to buy. The clerk moved away and Brenda began looking at the wedding sets.

"You know, I won't be able to afford much," Ian said softly.

"And you know that whatever you give me will be a treasure. I don't care if it's a carat or a simple silver band, it'll be blessed just the same. Whatever you give me will be perfect."

"Are you sure?"


"Of course I am. You ought to know me by now. I'm not into diamonds and jewelry. If you can't afford an engagement ring, then I don't need it. Believe me." She leaned over and kissed him.

Ian looked at her closely. She was wearing gold studs and a thin, silver necklace. There were no rings on her fingers or bracelets on her wrists. He tried to remember back to the funeral and he could recall only simple earrings and a single strand of pearls, simple and understated.

"See this, this is perfect," she said, pointing to a set. Ian looked carefully to where she was pointing. It was a three ring set in gold. The engagement ring had a small diamond, perhaps 1/8 carat, but it sparkled beautifully, a really good cut. Each of the wedding bands had a small diamond chip in it. It was a very nice set and it was only $400 for the entire set.

"Do you like it?" Ian asked.

"Yes, it's beautiful," she replied.

Ian asked the clerk to bring the set out of the case so that they could look at it more closely. Brenda looked at Ian apprehensively as the clerk unlocked the case and showed the rings to them. They looked even better close up as Ian peered at them. He took the engagement ring and showed it to Brenda. She held her breath as she looked at it, checking it's cut and how it sparkled in the light.

"Do we need to look further?" Ian asked.

Brenda merely shook her head. She was speechless.

"We'll need all three sized," he said as he took the ring from Brenda and handed it back to the clerk.

Brenda tugged at his arm. "Ian, can you afford this?"

Ian smiled at Brenda and said, "Yes." He didn't add that it was a wedding gift from his father. A bit ironic, he thought. Although he had enough money in his own account to purchase the set, he decided then and there to use his father's money and not feel bad about it. In fact, it made him feel good and he hoped that one day his father would learn that he indirectly purchased their wedding rings.

After the rings were sized and Ian put a down payment towards them, they left the store. Brenda looped her arms though his and leaned against him as they strolled the mall. She wasn't crying, but was fighting to keep the tears from flowing. Every few steps, she hugged him and looked up at him, smiling from ear to ear.

As they approached the cinema, they took a seat on one of the benches nearby. Brenda placed her head on his shoulder and surrendered to her emotions and let the tears flow. Ian looked around at the other people nearby, but no one was paying attention to them. Brenda squeezed his hand and held it to her face, kissing it.

"You make me so happy," she gushed.

"Ah, you say that to all of your boyfriends," Ian replied, smiling.

"Don't make fun," Brenda said. "Every time I try to be serious, you make fun."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to." He looked away and saw people starting to line up for the movie, although it was still twenty minutes until the starting time.

"I just like to joke with you," he continued. "Sometimes, it's hard for me to be serious, even though I know I should. I don't know." He looked back at her, her eyes still misty from tears.


"I guess I can live with that," she said softly.

"I sure hope so," he laughed.

They enjoyed the movie thoroughly and relived several scenes on the way home, laughing until their sides hurt. Their laughter, however, turned to silence as the house came into view.

"Shit!" Ian exclaimed as he saw the unmistakable shape of his father's Mercedes in the driveway. "What does he want now?"

Brenda drove past Adrian and parked in front of the garage at the west side of the house. Adrian was leaning against his car waiting for them. Ian and Brenda walked slowly toward him not looking forward to another encounter.

"Well, you finally came back," he said, his voice a bit slurred. "Out having a good ‘ol time, I bet." He pushed away from the car a bit unsteady. "I've come to take you home, boy, where you belong."

Ian looked at him warily, but said nothing.

"Get in the car, son. You're going home now," he ordered.

"I'm staying here, dad," he replied flatly. He could smell alcohol coming from his father. Adrian was not a heavy drinker, but he didn't get drunk easily. Ian sensed that he had drank quite a bit before he came over.

"Staying here?" Adrian questioned, his eyebrow cocked. "You don't seem to understand," Adrian smiled crookedly, "you're coming home whether you like it or not!"

"This is my home now," Ian replied. Brenda looked back and forth between the two, her eyes showing fear.

"Your home is with me and your mother," he hissed, "not playing house with your cousin."

"I think you ought to go home and sober up before something stupid happens," Ian said.

Enraged, Adrian lunged awkwardly forward at Ian and tried to grab his wrist. He had it briefly, but Ian twisted away and pushed his father out of harms way to the right.

Brenda gasped and instinctively tried to pull Ian with her to the house.

"Call the police," he whispered to her as he kept his eye on his father.

Brenda quickly let go, ran to the door, unlocked it, and ran to the phone.

Ian knew that Adrian was no match for him. They were built approximately the same, but Ian was much more athletic and stone sober. Adrian came at him again and Ian pushed him away once more.

"Dad, we can do this all night, but I'm not going with you," Ian said as Adrian looked a him wildly. "Please leave before you get into trouble. I don't want to hurt you."

Brenda came to the doorway with the phone to her ear and watched. She could see that Ian wasn't getting hurt and she was relieved. She just wanted Adrian to go home and leave them alone.

"You hurt me?" Adrian laughed wickedly. "You're soft. You couldn't hurt a flea." Fist closed, he lunged once more at Ian and swung wildly with his left hand.

Brenda screamed as Ian ducked out of the way. Adrian's drunken momentum carried him past his intended target. Ian grabbed his wrist and twisted it behind his back. Adrian flailed, trying to escape Ian's grasp, but his son was too strong for him. Amid cussing and struggling, Ian moved his father forcefully to the Mercedes and held him there.

"You just couldn't leave things alone," Ian said through gritted teeth. Adrian struggled once more and Ian pushed him against the car. "You said to leave and I left. I don't want to come back and I won't come back. This is my home. Get it through your head!" Ian looked to his left and saw the first of two police cruisers pull into the driveway. "See what you've done?" he hissed in his father's ear.




Brenda & Ian Ch. 03



Friday June 18

Her legs were open as Ian was kissing her inner thighs. Slowly, slowly he made his way up, teasing her, wanting her to beg him to go further. Brenda's bristling, coarse pubic hair tickled his nose as his tongue found her soft folds of skin. He licked her moist center and the delicious smell of her sex was intoxicating to him as usual, wonderfully musky.

Brenda's head moved back and forth as he teased her sensitive nub with his lips, teeth, and tongue. She began to moan and twist, holding onto his head to keep him in place. He had his hands underneath her butt and held her to him. With every flick of his tongue, she shuddered and gasped with pleasure.

She was breathing deeply and rapidly and tried to pull away when it became too intense for her to bear. Ian held her tight and wouldn't let her get away as he continued to devour her and tease her. He knew what she liked.

Soon, she began to quiver all over before giving into the violent contracting of orgasmic waves that invaded her. Brenda gasped for breath and cried out in pure delight, calling his name over and over again. She rode each wave as she came and came again until the spasms eased and it was exhausted.

In her afterglow, Brenda reached down and grabbed his rock hard penis, wanting him to make them meld once more. Ian opened her with his fingers and began to move forward and only then did she let go. Ian guided himself into her and filled her. He braced himself above her and looked down at his love's sweet, beautiful face. Their eyes met and locked as they often did during their lovemaking, each completely loving and trusting the other and sharing an unbreakable bond that they would have forever.

Ian would not be able to last very long that morning. He didn't know if was a trick of her vaginal muscles, her silky soft skin, or the mere beauty of her nakedness. Brenda sensed his urgency and raised her pelvis slightly. His thrusts became harder and faster until he groaned and his release began. She clung to him, taking everything he gave, accepted his seed as lovingly as if it were their first time all over again. She held him tight until he collapsed on top of her, flattening her breasts between them as his raspy, hot breath warmed her neck.

Brenda was deliriously happy and content that first morning of their honeymoon. Whatever was bothering Ian in the wee hours of the morning had been forgotten as he slipped off of her and rested at her side. His hands found her breasts as he lovingly began to massage them and tease her nipples. The day had started splendidly, just as she had hoped.

They had arrived in Miami the previous morning and had spent the rest of the day retrieving their luggage, finding their rental car, and driving to their hotel. The beach was but fifty yards from the hotel and led to pristine, aqua blue water. It was a picture perfect paradise to her and she was so grateful to Ian for picking it.

The last few days had been quite hectic for them with preparing for the trip, job interviews for Brenda, and getting used to being married. They received their wedding photos a few days prior to their departure and they were ecstatic over them. Ian took it upon himself to call his mother and told her about their marriage. Understandably upset, but careful not to place blame, she wished them the best and even talked to Brenda for a few minutes. When Janet asked if they wanted Adrian to know about their marriage, Ian told her that it made no difference to him if his father knew or not. He didn't tell her about their honeymoon plans, but they intended to invite her over to show her the wedding photos and any pictures they took in the Keys when they returned.

Side by side, they stared at each other as if trying to bore through to their very souls. They were so in tune with each other, often thinking the same thoughts. Sometimes, it scared Brenda to think that she could love someone that much. Their breathing was almost synchronized now as Ian's breaths were slowing and Brenda's afterglow still permeated through her body. Brenda took his hands away from her breasts gently and held them to her face.

"I never want this to end," she said, still gazing intently. "I want us to always be like this. Even when we're busy, we must make time for this. Promise me?" she pleaded.

"Always Bren," he replied. "You know I can't pass up an opportunity to see you naked!"

"Oh Ian," she said, rolling her eyes. "There you go again, making fun when I'm trying to be serious."

"I am being very serious," he said. "No matter what, I will never tire of loving you or making love to you. That is a promise."

"Oh, you're only saying that because you're horny and you want some more," she replied, noticing his penis hardening again.

Ian sat up and leaned over, kissing both of her breasts and making the nipples pucker. "Can I help it if you are the sexiest woman on earth and you drive me crazy when you're naked?"

Brenda smiled and nodded. She couldn't change him if she wanted and she didn't want him to change. "I guess I can live with that," she conceded. She pulled him close, guided his hands to her breasts again and asked him to make love to her once more.

Adrian Nicks was punk sore at the world. He glumly looked out of his high rise office window at the gray sky that had strangled the city that day. Bourbon in hand, , his took a sip from the tumbler. He thought about the morning's meeting and he still couldn't believe that he lost the Auslos contract. It was right in his hand! How could they sell to someone else? It was the second contract that he had lost in a week and he rarely lost one in a month. What was going on?

He downed the rest of his drink in a gulp and poured himself another one. His thoughts turned to his home and his silly twit bitch he called a wife. Wife in name only, he thought smugly, as she hadn't let him touch her since he kicked out Ian. I'd divorce her in a heartbeat if I didn't have to pay her off with a small fortune. Why should I have to give her anything, he raged within. She certainly didn't deserve it. She hadn't done a damn thing in her life except raise a boy, look pretty, and spend his money.

Ah yes, Ian. What a wonderful son he turned out to be. Fucking his cousin and then marrying the whore. Thanks to that cunt, he was out of his life. Oh, and Janet couldn't wait to tell that news about their marriage, bitch that she was. She couldn't wait to put another dagger in my gut! That bastard, Rigsby, probably set it up for them.

Well, he thought, every dog has it's day and revenge is best served cold. Adrian smiled viciously and drank until the glass was empty. 

Thursday June 24

Brenda looked over at Ian, who was sleeping fitfully by the window. She would have a great many fond memories of their honeymoon week; snorkeling with the marine life, fishing in the Atlantic, making love on the beach under the stars. The flight had been in time and had been effortless. They would be landing in Columbus within the hour and she was looking forward to being home. As much fun as she had with Ian and all the memories that were encased within her heart, home was where she felt most comfortable and happy.

She reflected upon everything that had happened within the past three months and found it hard to believe how much she had taken on and accomplished. Ian was right when he told her over and over again how strong she was. Brenda knew that if her parents had died just a year or two prior, she doubted that she would have been able to handle it. Things happen for a reason. That was her motto now and she never questioned it. Tragedy happened and good came from it. The life cycle continued.

Ian stirred in his seat and woke. Disoriented at first, he looked at Brenda and smiled. He saw the sadness in her eyes even though she tried to hide it.

"What's up?" he asked. "You been thinking again?"

"Yeah," she agreed, "I guess I shouldn't do that." Ian took her hand and squeezed lightly.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, too."

"About what?"

"Oh," he began, "my parents and everything that's happened between dad and me. I remember how your folks always treated you and behaved around you. I mean, even though they never told you about the adoption, you knew they loved you. I wish my parents were like that. Sometimes, I think that my dad's not able to show me if he cares or not. It seems like the only reaction I've ever got out of him was when I displeased him in some way. I can never remember any positive reinforcement, a pat on the back, any love or affection to speak of. Of course, he wasn't around that much. At least, I know mom loves me, even if it's hard for her to show it." Ian was quiet for a while as he stared off into space.

"I really don't want to be like him," he said forcefully. "I will not be like him to our kids. I promise you that, Bren." He looked at her seriously, jaw firmly in place.

"Okay," she said quietly. "You're not like your dad and you know it. There's no doubt in my mind that you'll make a wonderful dad. You're not like him at all."

"If I ever start to act like him," Ian said seriously, "let me know, so I'll stop."

"Okay, right after you wake up."

"Wake up?" he asked.

"You'll have to wake up after I knock you out!" she teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, maybe I'll need that, too," Ian replied.

He became quiet, deep in thought about his relationship with his father and mother. He now knew why he was always drawn to Brenda and her family. In his mind, they were the way a family should be. They showed warmth and love to each other and to him. He almost always felt more loved in their house than in his own. He remembered his first kiss from a girl and it was from Brenda. It was Christmas Eve and she pulled him under the mistle toe without much resistance. He was fifteen and raging hormones aside, it felt good and natural even then and he didn't want it to end. Ian needed Brenda's love and affection more than ever now, probably even more than Brenda really knew.

They made love that night, as they had done every night since their wedding, except for the four days of her period. They both knew that their frequency would diminish over time. It wasn't simply lust or the newness of raw sexuality that couples face when they take their relationship to a sexual level. Very rarely did they have a "fuck session", as Ryan used to tell Brenda about his romantic conquests, but they truly made love to each other, wanting to please the other more than themselves. It didn't make sense to them if one was fulfilled and content, but not the other. They loved having that special connection, flesh uniting flesh, but it was a spiritual connection as well as physical because they were in love with each other mentally long before the physical attraction took place.

They cuddled afterward, Ian spooning her from behind with his arms wrapped around her arms and breasts. For Brenda, she loved this part of their lovemaking almost as much as intercourse. The closeness they shared afterward was a very special time for them. Ian loved holding her, whispering to her how much her loved her and needed her. Most of the time, it was so soothing and relaxing that they fell asleep within minutes of each other.

It was cool that night, a nice breeze fluttering the curtains of the open bedroom windows. A light rain was falling with the rumble of thunder echoing in the distance. A broad smile stretched Brenda's face and she secretly hoped for a storm. It was the perfect cleanser of the earth, she thought. It was free, fresh, and nurturing, much like she felt when Ian loved her in his own special way. 

She raised her head slightly and listened to the raindrops splashing against the roof. Ian listened, too, although he didn't get quite the enjoyment out of it that Brenda did. Lightning flashed and thunder soon followed as the storm got closer. Brenda pushed the covers off of her and she hurried to the love seat near the window and sat down to watch, marveling at it.

The wind picked up slightly, the breeze blowing her hair and causing her to shiver just a bit. With every flash of light, Ian saw her beautiful, naked silhouette at the window and ached for her to return to bed. But, he knew how much she enjoyed rainstorms and he would never intrude upon that simple pleasure. He joined her at the window and sat down beside her, putting his arms around her to warm her.

Without looking at him, she said, "Remember at mom and dad's funeral when we watched the rain?"

"Yeah," he replied, "I remember. We just missed getting drenched."

"This reminds me of that storm, soft and soothing. I could watch this for hours." She looked at him through sad brown eyes as she thought about those awful days just three months before. "I'd like to visit them tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure," Ian replied. He knew how much she needed to be near them, if only six feet away from their skeletons. Somehow, it made her feel better. They continued to watch the rain fall into the wee hours before Ian carried her to bed and tucked her in.

Tuesday July 6

"These pictures are just beautiful," Janet gushed as she paged through their wedding album. She had invited them over for an early lunch on the condition that they leave before Adrian came home. They protested, wanting her to come to their house to avoid the hurriedness, but Janet wanted them there, and that was final. "I will have to call Russell and Marie and thank them for doing this for you. I only wish that I could have seen it."

"I know mom. I'm sorry about that," Ian tried to apologize. Brenda glanced at him disapprovingly, but said nothing. She felt that he had nothing to apologize about.

"Well, what's done is done," Janet said. "Do you ever plan on getting married in the church?"

Ian looked at Brenda. "We've had our wedding. We don't need a church to tell us we're married." "Oh." Janet looked very disappointed. "Perhaps I could talk to Father Dave and he could make the arrangements."

"Mom, listen to me," Ian said, trying to get through to her, "our marriage is blessed. We don't need a priest or a reverend to bless it. We are very happy with the wedding we had. We don't want anything else."

"But..."

"But, no mom. Please respect our wishes and not make a fuss about it."

"Okay, dear," Janet said quietly. She resigned herself to the fact that even while legally married, they still lived in sin.

"Adrian, sit down for minute, would you?" Tom Fricker said, motioning for his friend and colleague to have a seat in front of his desk. He could smell a light scent of alcohol on Adrian's breath, but said nothing as he glanced at the clock. It was nine-fifteen.

"What is it, Tom? I've got a few contracts to go over before this afternoon."

"They can wait," Tom said uncomfortably. "We have to talk."

"What about?" Damn it, get to the point!

"It's about you, Adrian. Is everything all right? Things going okay for you at home?"

It's none of your fucking business what's going on at my home! "Everything's fine at home, Tom," he answered impatiently, drumming the armchair with his fingers.

"I see," Tom said, leaning back in his chair. How could he tell his friend that he was being demoted.?

"Tom, please get to the point."

"Okay, I'll get to the point, Adrian," he said sitting up straight and looking him in the face. "Singer is not happy with your work recently and she wants me to handle the Dryden account and the Ewell account."

"What are you saying?" Adrian demanded. "What's going on? I'm just about to close those accounts." He couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"Singer doesn't feel that you're able to close them. She wants me to take them over."

"You close them? I've closed more accounts and made more money for this company than most everyone combined, including you." "Your work's been slipping for awhile, Adrian. You've lost more contracts in the past few weeks than you have in a couple of years. What's going on?"

"I know I've lost a few contracts, but I'm just in a little slump. Everyone has them. Can't you talk her out of it?"

"She's adamant about it. She wants to take the heat off of you for a while, let you rest a bit."

"Rest a bit? What are you saying?"

Tom looked away momentarily, not wanting to say this to his friend. "The company wants you to take a month off and get some counseling."

"Counseling? What the fuck are you saying?" Adrian realized what he said and sighed. "Sorry, Tom. I just don't know where this is coming from."

"We've had some complaints from clients about you, Adrian. They said you smell like a brewery in meetings even though it's before noon. They also say that you've been belligerent at times. Frankly, Adrian, I can smell alcohol on you right now. What's going on? You can tell me."

"No, Tom, I don't believe I can. I thought you were my friend, but you're stabbing me in the back, taking money away from me."

"I think you have bigger problems than what you perceive about me. I don't want your contracts. I want you to be at the top like you always have been because you are my friend and as a friend, I want you to get help. You need to do what they want..."

"Or what?" Adrian demanded.

"Or...they might suspend you or fire you if you refuse."

"Shit..."

"They're doing everything they can to help you. Don't you understand that?"

"All I understand is that I've given my life to this company and I'm being fucked over like an over ripe whore!" Adrian stood up and began to pace the floor. "I am their top VP in contracts. I have made them billions of dollars. Do they remember that?"

"Adrian, be reasonable. For God's sake, listen to you. I've never known you to talk like this. Believe me, they want to help. They wouldn't be throwing this life preserver to you otherwise. They could have fired you for incompetence if they desired, but they're giving you a chance because you were the best and you have made billions of dollars for them. Take their offer, Adrian."

"I don't know..."

He pulled into the south driveway and noticed the unfamiliar car parked in the circular driveway in front of the main door. He got out of the car and walked quickly to the door, briefcase in hand. He unlocked the door and hurried through, closing it behind him with a bang. He looked to his right and he saw them. Ian was standing with Brenda at his side and Janet was in mid-rise from her chair.

"Adrian, what are you doing home so early?" she stammered.

"I think the better question is what in the fuck is he and his whore doing in my house?" Adrian seethed. He looked at them, glaring, daring them to say anything.

Through clenched teeth, Ian responded, "You can be mad at me all you want, but don't you ever say anything like that to her again!"

"What are you going to do about it, you..."

Janet walked quickly to him. "Adrian, that's enough! They came over for a short visit. I invited them. I didn't think you'd be home so early."

"You invited them into my house? I thought I made it clear a long time ago that he and that tramp of his were not welcome in this house!" He walked past her, pushing her hard and out of his way as she fell to the floor.

"Mom?" Ian said, distracted and looking at his mother. That was all Adrian needed as he punched his son in the jaw, sending him toppling over a table and in a heap in front of a sofa.

Brenda screamed as her husband fell and tried to grab onto him, but missed.

Adrian grabbed her by her hair and the waist band of her jeans. "I told you to get out of my house before. I guess you need a little help remembering." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ian getting up. He pushed Brenda towards the door and then threw her to the floor where she landed awkwardly on her shoulder with a sickening thud. She screamed in pain as her shoulder was unable to withstand the force of her fall.




Brenda & Ian Ch. 03



Ian went white with rage and couldn't remember anything that happened within the next few seconds. "You fucking bastard!" yelled Ian as he charged his father. He tackled him low and drove him to the floor. He was on top of him in a flash and began to pummel him about the face as Adrian tried to cover up without success.

"Stop it, Ian! Stop it! You'll kill him! Stop it! Stop it!" Janet and Brenda were pleading, begging, and trying to pull him off of Adrian. Finally, Ian heard them and saw the crumpled heap of his father lying under him, his face bloody and bruised. 

Slowly, Ian stood up, breathing heavily and looked at his bloodied knuckles and then at his father. Adrian was breathing normally, but he was unconscious. Janet hurried to call 911 as Brenda, her arm hanging at an awkward angle, tried to guide Ian to a chair. He was unhurt except for his hand, which he feared was broken. The sight of his father sickened him physically and he thought that he was going to vomit. He ran from the room holding his hand to his mouth, entered the nearest bathroom and lost his lunch in the toilet. Brenda was at his side, her hand resting on his shoulder. When he finished, Brenda gave him a clean, wet wash cloth and he cleaned his face with it.

He looked up at her and noticed that her right arm hung down slightly lower than her left and was limp.

"Are you okay, Bren?" He reached up and touched her injured arm tenderly. She flinched noticeably.

"It hurts," she said as she started to cry, not so much from the pain, but from what happened. She was scared that Adrian was seriously hurt and that Ian would be arrested. She was scared because she had never seen Ian hurt anyone before and she didn't think that she and Janet would ever get him to stop hitting his father.

"I'm sorry," he said as he gathered her in his arms, his voice choking. "I saw him hurt you...I couldn't let him do that...I'm sorry."

Janet knelt by Adrian's side, her heart feeling nothing but contempt for the man whom she used to love. She could never forgive him for this. Never. She saw that the blood was from his nose and mouth and she suspected that his nose was broken. It wasn't bleeding bad and he didn't appear to be having too much difficulty breathing.

Ian and Brenda emerged from the bathroom, both red faced from crying. Janet stood up and went to Ian and hugged him.

"I'm sorry, mom," Ian said softly.

"Shh, shh," Janet said. "He'll be okay, Ian." Janet looked at Brenda as she let go of her son. She went to Brenda and hugged her, too. "He had no right to do that to you, no right..."

The police and paramedics arrived within minutes. The paramedics tended to Adrian, stopping the bleeding quickly and put ammonia capsules under his nose to waken him. Three officers questioned Ian, Brenda, and Janet separately, each telling the exact same story. 

Adrian was groggy, but coherent enough to talk. His emotions were churning inside him. He felt no anger, just emptiness and he was disgusted with himself. Even though he still had his job, he knew that he had lost everything that really mattered in his life. He could never look at his wife, his son, or Brenda without knowing how much he hurt them. He doubted that they would ever talk to him again and he didn't blame them. Officer Dailey squatted down next to him as Adrian was in a seated position by then. "Can you tell me what happened?" he asked.

Adrian looked at him sadly. He wanted to look at his family one last time, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. "Whatever my family said happened, it's true," he replied quietly, shaking. "It was all my fault. It was all my fault." He looked away and began to weep silently.

They wrapped Ian's hand in ice and put Brenda's arm in a sling. They feared Brenda's shoulder had separated, but had gone back into place, but they wanted to have x-rays taken to be sure. A police officer would take them to the hospital. Janet was unhurt, just shaken.

A sergeant guided them to an empty room before they were to go to the hospital. "I've got your statements and we'll be taking your husband into custody, ma'am."

"I see," Janet said softly, her head down. "Will he get out tonight?"

"He will if he posts bond, ma'am."

"I see,"she said again.

"Would you like to be contacted by the sheriff's office if he posts bond?"

"No," she said. "He can't hurt me anymore."

"As you wish, ma'am." He turned to Ian and Brenda. "If you're ready, I'll take you to the hospital."

"That would be fine," Ian said for both of them. When they emerged from the room, they had already taken Adrian to jail. Brenda was relieved not to see him anymore. She never wanted to see him again, ever. Her shoulder was throbbing and every move she made magnified it.

Ian didn't know what to think. He had not been arrested and he was grateful for that. He was glad that his father was gone, yet part of him was sad for him too. He couldn't explain it. He didn't say anything about his feelings to Brenda, knowing how angry she was. Ian was angry, too, but he still felt sorry for him. He would never be able to forgive him for hurting Brenda. It didn't matter that Adrian hit him, he could take that, but he would never let him harm her again. He would make sure of that.

Adrian took a cab home from the jail. He was released a few hours after he posted bond, with the promise to appear in court the following day. He had conversed with his attorney and he would be there with him. He looked at his house and felt empty, alone, and afraid.. His life meant nothing to him now. He had lost everything.

He pulled his keys from his pants pockets and placed the house key in the lock. Much to his surprise, it opened as he half suspected that Janet would have had the locks changed by then. He stepped into the foyer quietly and looked at his briefcase that lay on the floor where he left it. He walked a few steps and saw Janet sitting in the same chair that she had been sitting in when he had come home earlier.

Adrian looked at her and sighed. She had been so beautiful once and the years had been kind to her. They used to be close, but had drifted apart since before their trip to Europe. And now it was hopeless, gone.

"I knew you'd come home," she said coldly.

"Only to pack some clothes," he said softly. "I have no right to stay here." He shuffled slowly toward the stairs, tired and defeated.

"Wait," Janet said. Adrian turned to face her, both eyes blackened from his bruised, but unbroken nose. He welcomed the pain. He deserved it and more.

"Yes?" he answered quietly.

"I want a divorce."

"I know you do. I don't blame you."

"That's a switch."

"What is?"

"You not blaming me for something." Janet noticed immediately his demeanor, that he had given up and had no fight in him. She had never seen him this way.

"Yeah, well, there's a first for everything."

"Adrian...."

"Look, Janet," he interrupted, "I'm not looking for an argument. I know you want me out of your life. I just want to go as quietly as possible without hurting you or anyone else again."

"I don't want to argue, either, Adrian," she said, her voice softer, tired. Her eyes searched his face for answers. "Why?" she asked.

"Why what?" he asked, puzzled.

'Why do you hate us so much?"

"I don't hate you," he said truthfully. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Nothing that I can say or do will make any difference anyway." He moved towards the stairs once more. "What do you want to say?" she asked.

Adrian stopped and looked at her. He really did love her very much. He couldn't remember the last time he told her that he loved her or needed her. He had been too busy, too wrapped up in the business of oil and contracts to remember the things and people in life that really mattered to him the most.

"I...I...I wish that I could take it all back. I wish that today never happened. I want to say how sorry I am to you, to Ian and Brenda. I know that I have no right, no right whatsoever to ask forgiveness...."

"No, you don't," Janet said coolly.

"I don't know what to do," he continued. "Somehow, I've got to change. I just don't know where to begin." He looked at the floor, misplaced in his own home.

Janet eyed him, not knowing what to think. The hate and contempt that she felt for him was diminishing slowly. He seemed genuinely sorry for his actions and she believed him. Adrian was not a liar and always said what he meant. Could she forgive him? Could she forget?

"I hope I didn't hurt you."

"I'm fine."

"How is Ian and Brenda?"

"Ian bruised his hand on your hard skull," she replied, "and Brenda had her shoulder pulled slightly out of socket, but she'll be okay."

Adrian nodded and sighed. "They'll never forgive me," he said softly.

"Should they?" she asked.

"I don't know. I wouldn't blame them if they never did." He turned around and headed for the stairs once more.

"Adrian," Janet called to him once more.

"Yes," he said, his back to her.

"It's too late for you to look for someplace to stay. You don't need to go." Janet had no idea why she changed her mind, but like Ian before her, she felt sorry for him.

"Okay," he said softly. "Thank you."

He ascended the long staircase without a reply from Janet.

Wednesday July 7

"In the case of the State vs. Adrian Nicks, how does the defendant plea?" Judge William Workman asked as he peered at Adrian and his attorney, Jonathon Dudley.

Dudley stood up and addressed the judge. "My client wishes to plead guilty, your honor." He looked down at Adrian and nodded. He had worked out an arrangement with the prosecutor and the court for Adrian to get treatment in lieu of conviction, meaning he would receive probation with the promise to seek treatment for alcohol abuse and anger management.

"The court accepts your plea and sentences you to one year of probation. Your probation officer will set you up in a treatment program and you will successfully complete this program. Failure to complete the program will result in your arrest and another day in court with me. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Adrian said in a clear voice.

"Case dismissed."

It was in the afternoon and Ian and Brenda decided to go for a ride. Ian drove with his left hand and let his splinted hand rest on his leg. It really didn't hurt that much and he was able to move it a little bit without difficulty. He had a hair-line fracture in his middle knuckle and a few broken pieces in his ring finger knuckle. All in all, it wasn't too bad and the doctors said that it would heal nicely within the next few weeks. Brenda's shoulder was fine, just a little weak from the trauma. She had almost full mobility and she didn't use the sling anymore. Her sessions in the gym saved her from a far worse injury.

Her anger towards Adrian had dissipated slightly and she no longer hated him. Intense dislike? Yes. But she didn't want to see maggots eating his brains and coming out of his eyes. They had talked well into the night about the incident and both realized that something was deeply wrong with him, that he would never have acted that way in the past. They just didn't know what the problem was.

They had already had lunch at home, but Ian was still hungry. He decided to turn north and head to a place that he hadn't been to in a long time. A former girlfriend had brought him there and he enjoyed it thoroughly.

"Where are we going?" Brenda asked as the scenery changed and she wasn't sure where they were.

"Oh, don't worry your pretty little head about it," Ian smiled. "You'll find out when we get there." He glanced over at Brenda and admired the way she looked. She was wearing a blue tank top with white cotton shorts. The shorts were riding up her toned thighs and she showed just a hint of cleavage from the shirt. He didn't think that he could ever get enough of her, clothed or not. A dopey grin was plastered across his face as she noticed his stare. She had seen that stare enough to know that he wanted to see her naked.

"Down boy," she said, laughing. "Don't you ever get enough?"

"I want you more and more every day," he said seriously.

"My God, Ian, I'll have to have hip replacement surgery before I'm thirty if we keep this up."

"Well, we'll just have to try different positions so that you won't wear out."

"You're impossible," she giggled, but deep down, she was feeling tingling between her legs thinking about it.

Within minutes, they turned into a dirt road. The sign read, "Wright's Dairy" and it pointed down the road they took. Brenda knew exactly where they were and was excited. Wright's Dairy served the best ice cream in the area and Ian knew her weakness for it. A mile or so down the road, they came to the entrance and parked in the nearest space. They walked into the parlor and checked the flavors offered. They only offered about twelve flavors, but each was heavenly in it's own way. Ian chose cinnamon and Brenda took pineapple, her favorite. After they received their cones, they found a small table and sat down to enjoy their treat.

"So, do you think he'll ever change?" she asked out of the blue.

"Who?"

"Your dad."

"I haven't the slightest idea if he will or not. Over the last few months, he's changed so much. I hardly know him now. He's almost a complete stranger to me." He eyed her and said, "I'm surprised you even want to talk about him."

"I don't know. I was just curious as to how you felt."

"I guess only time will tell. I'm in no hurry to see him again, that's for sure."

"I'm with you there."

Saturday August 14

"Mom, you can't be serious," Ian said, rolling his eyes to the ceiling.

"I wouldn't be calling you if I weren't," Janet replied. "Ian, he's changed. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it." "I just can't believe he wants us to come over. He did say Brenda, too? This isn't some trick, is it? If it is, the first wrong word and we're gone."

"Ian, after what happened, I would never ask you to come back if I wasn't sure," she said, trying to persuade him. "I know you don't trust him, but over the last few weeks, he's changed so much. He really wants to see you."

"About what?"

"Maybe to say he's sorry...I don't know, Ian. All I know is he wants to see both of you..."

Adrian sat in his office at home and thought about the past few days. For the first time in years, he felt at peace with himself, yet he wondered if he was doing the right thing. He had a very good talk with Eloise Singer the previous day and they came to an understanding about his job and role within the company. Of course, that was after he turned in his resignation. It was something he had thought about since he began his probation and he felt that the timing was right. After all, he was fifty-five and he had all of the money that he would ever need. He felt good when he wrote it and he felt greatly relieved when he gave it to her. She tried to talk him out of it, mainly because it would crimp their contracts department until they found a suitable replacement. It was agreed that he would remain in the company as a consultant for the next few years in a part-time capacity, just enough work for him to keep him occupied and out of Janet's hair.

Janet. He had gained a new-found respect for her and discovered how much he really did love her. When he realized how close he came to losing her, he was sickened. He made up his mind that he would regain his family and hope that they would accept him again. Hopefully, it wasn't too late. He knew that he didn't deserve their forgiveness and frankly, he didn't expect it. He only hoped that over time, he could win their trust and get close to them.

He had learned a lot over the weeks during his anger management sessions, mostly about himself and how he treated others when things didn't go perfectly well for him. Unfortunately, he lashed out at the ones who meant the most to him. He was also learning to accept the fact that Ian and Brenda were married and there was nothing that he could do about it. He still thought it was wrong that they were married and he would have a hard time thinking of her as his daughter and not his niece. But over time, he felt that he would get over that, too. Adrian had learned a lot about himself through his sessions and he finally realized that family would always be more important than money, prestige, and material things. 

He still hadn't told Janet about his resignation and had asked his friends not to say anything to her until the following Monday. Adrian saw the look of concern on her face when he asked her to invite Ian and Brenda over for a talk and he expected it. That was when he told her of his semi-retirement and that he wanted to start over with her and be a real husband to her, not someone who was barely home most of the time. The look of shock and acceptance was not lost to Adrian when Janet got up and started to dial Ian.

"No fucking way!!!" Brenda growled when Ian approached her about meeting his dad. "Are you out of your mind? How can you even consider it?" Her arms were folded across her chest as she paced their bedroom floor.

"Mom said he's changed, that he just wants to talk."

"Don't you remember what happened? Don't you? You said you'd never let him hurt me again."

"I remember it as if it happened this morning. I will not let him hurt you."

"Damn right he won't because I won't go."

"Bren, be reasonable."

"Reasonable?" she squealed. "The last two times you got together, the police had to be called. He went to jail and you almost joined him. You're telling me to be reasonable!" She shook her head back and forth, bewildered.

"I will not stand by and watch him try to hurt you again," she continued, her eyes starting to tear. "I don't want to see the insane person that's hidden inside your body again. That scared the hell out of me. I truthfully thought you were going to kill him, Ian, and I don't want to see that side of you ever again if I can help it."

"Brenda, listen to me." He looked at her until her eyes met his. "Mom's said that he's changed, that he's nothing like he was before. She told me that he threw out all of the liquor and that he hasn't had a drop. I think that's something. Do you think I would go over there if I thought I was in danger? Do you think I would take you with me if I thought there was danger? I'd rather cut off my arm than to see you hurt. Please, do this for me."

Brenda looked at him helplessly. "I don't know...."

"Bren," he said softly, "he's the only dad I've got."

Brenda understood completely now. No matter how much a pain in the ass his father was, no matter how much he hurt Ian, and no matter how hard Ian tried, he would never measure up to him. But, Ian still loved him and wanted him in his life. Brenda guessed that she would feel the same way if she were in his shoes. Although every fiber of her being screamed against it, she said, "All right, I'll go."

Ian moved to her and hugged her, holding her tightly against him. She always felt wonderful in his arms and he never wanted to let her go. Reluctantly, he released her and his hands found her face. He pushed a few stray strands of hair aside and began kissing her, slowly and gently. Brenda wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close. Neither said anything as the kisses remained soft and sweet. Ian broke away first and looked at her. "Thank you," he said simply.

"You're welcome," she replied. "I love you so much."

"I know."

Adrian nervously paced the floor of his study. He didn't know what he was going to say or even how to begin. He knew that it was going to be the hardest thing that he had ever done, but he was looking forward to it. It was a challenge that he accepted and wanted. Things were coming along slowly between himself and Janet. He was slowly regaining her trust and the thought of divorce was far and distant from her mind. 




Brenda & Ian Ch. 03



They arrived a little after noon and Janet answered the door. She let them in and gave Ian a hug. "I'm very glad you came, Ian." She turned to Brenda, "And you, too." She left Ian and hugged Brenda. It wasn't her usual one second, barely touch her hug. It was almost a motherly hug, one that lasted a while. It reminded Brenda of hugs that her own mother used to give her and she liked it. She stepped away from Brenda and said, "He's in the study waiting for you."

Ian took her hand and they followed his mother to the study. Adrian had his back to them when they entered. When he heard them enter, he turned around abruptly. "Ian, Brenda, do come in. Please." They stepped into the study as Adrian came around from behind his desk. He didn't know how close he should get so he stayed near it and let them decide how close they wanted to be. They stopped a few feet inside the entrance and eyed him warily, not knowing what to expect.

Adrian cleared his throat as an awkward silence filled the large room. Adrian gestured to them, "Can I get you a refreshment? Water? Anything?" They both shook their heads without speaking.

Adrian nodded and looked down at his hands. "I really don't know where to begin. I really didn't expect you to come, to tell you the truth. If you hadn't come, I would have understood completely." He looked at Ian. "You're looking good, Ian. Brenda must be a good cook."

"She is," Ian said quietly. Brenda scowled at the compliment.

"There's a few things I need to say," he began. "I'm not the same person I was a few months ago. I really don't know who I was back then and I definitely don't like that person. I've been through anger management counseling and I can say that I am a changed man, a better man. Some definite good has come from this. I've decided to go into semi-retirement." Ian raised his eyebrows in surprise. "It's time for your mother and I to enjoy ourselves and to get reacquainted. We plan to travel for fun and not for business. I want to see all of the things that I missed when I went overseas on business."

Adrian moved a few steps forward and stopped. "Ian, I've realized how much my family really means to me. I know I've been hard on you and I'm sorry for that. I didn't have much of a childhood and I didn't learn much from my father. That's no excuse, but it's all I know. Perhaps I can do better in the next few years. I really am proud of you, although I'm still not sold on you being a vet. You and your mom mean a great deal to me. I, I really don't know what I'd do without either of you."

He looked back at his hands. "About what happened before. I know I can't ask you forgiveness. I don't deserve it from either of you. I can't forgive myself for it. It was hateful and disgusting and I wish it never happened. I can only say that I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean much after all of the things that I've said and done in the past, but I do mean it."

Adrian looked up and addressed Brenda. "I don't know what to say to you. You are everything that I would ever want in a daughter. It's still very hard for me to not think of you as my niece. I can only hope that with a little time and patience, maybe I'll warm to the idea. Perhaps a grandchild would help that along." He smiled slightly at his joke. Brenda kept a stoic expression on her face.

"Anyway," he said, "know that I want to see more of you. I will continue to go to my counseling sessions so I can work on some other issues and I will not quit until I have the answers and I can turn my life around."

"Well," Ian said, "I'm glad to hear that. I hope that everything works out for you. You deserve a rest after all of the years you've put in."

Brenda remained silent, trying to decide whether or not Adrian was indeed changed. He seemed sincere and straight forward and she wanted to believe him, but she was still wary.

Ian knew that it would take a long time before he could trust him again completely, but this was a start, a new beginning for them and he was glad to be on civil terms with him. It wasn't going to be an emotional reunion; they weren't that type of family. But in their own way, Adrian received the forgiveness he sought. It wasn't instantaneous and it wasn't quick, but it came little by little and Adrian could accept that.

Epilogue

The sun shown brightly that summer morning as Ian and Brenda strolled through the shady cemetery. They came there often since he died. They had hoped so much that he could see his first grandchild before he passed, but it wasn't meant to be. Ian rubbed her swollen stomach lovingly as they came to the grassy area near his grave.

Ian placed fresh flowers on his grave as he silently wished for him to be alive again. Ian knew how much he was looking forward to the new addition and he fought gamely to overcome the cancer that eventually destroyed him. He was a true fighter to the end. Ian brushed aside the tears as he stood up and squinted at the sun.

Brenda missed him, too. They had made their peace and he eventually accepted her lovingly as his own daughter and had forgotten that she ever was anything but. It took quite a while, just as he had predicted, but she never regretted forgiving him. It was ironic that she was the one with him when he took his last breath, or perhaps it was fitting since she had been through it before. The last thing he did was smile at her and close his eyes. He looked so peaceful and Brenda was thankful that he was out of pain. 

The baby kicked and startled Brenda out of her thoughts. The life cycle continued.