3 comments/ 8719 views/ 0 favorites Reflections: The Odd Couple By: Ballzac This tale is based upon the characters created by robert12 in his story, Reflections: The Introduction; it is present with that author's permission and input. "Buzz" designates the start of the story and also summons the elevator, while "Ding" indicates the elevator has arrived at its destination and the story's end. Well dear reader, it is so good to have you aboard the elevator, Agnes and I enjoy the company. Agnes is my dear friend the elevator (she's the best elevator in the city or in any city, but don't tell her I said so), and I am the mirror that hangs at the back of her cab. So you want me to tell you a story? Being a mirror in an elevator, in a large apartment building, I've seen many interesting things. Every person has a story. Agnes and I have watched as mothers have brought home their newborn babes, and we've see the still forms of deceased tenants being wheeled away. There are happy stories, sad stories, funny tales, and serious tales. Let me tell you the story of an unusual couple who live here at the Arlington Apartments. The story is about Mr. Hiram P. Hardwick III and Miss Luann Smythe. They are certainly different than anyone else living in our building. Miss Smythe is 32, stands 5' 9", and is somewhat overweight (I don't know how much she weighs; I just know that her womanly curves seem to be going in the opposite direction from a lot of other women's figures). She has dull brown hair, brown eyes, keeps her hair done up in a bun, and looks like a stereotypical librarian (which she is). Mr. Hardwick is 35, stands 5' 2", weighs barely 119 pounds, and his black hair has receded to the top of his head. He wears round wire rim glasses and works as an accountant. Oh, one other little fact about the pair, they both are virgins. Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! "Do you hear that Agnes?" I asked the elevator as the familiar sound, which summons us to passengers filled our ears. "Time to start another fun filled day." Agnes didn't answer, she was being moody again. She's a great elevator, but she likes to sleep in, which is sort of hard to do when you're forever on call. Don't get me wrong, Agnes is not lazy, but she has her ups and downs. Of course, I don't help things any, I tend to tease her a lot. I just love to see if I can't get a rise out of her. However, she takes everything in stride and really is even tempered. "Yes it is early Agnes-it is 5:30 a.m. and that call is coming from the seventh floor. I bet it will turn out to be Miss Luann Smythe wanting to go down. Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! "For crying out loud, we haven't even started up and there is another call. It is the fourth floor this time. That means it has to be Hiram P. Hardwick III. You know how both he and Miss Smythe like to leave the building in the early hours of the morning. Yes I agree, pick up Miss Smythe first and then we can go back down for Mr. Hardwick. "Where do they go at this time of day? Well, they separately walk down the street to the Sunrise Restaurant for breakfast, where they sit at separate tables, have breakfast, and read the morning paper. Then they leave and go to their equally separate places of employment." Ding! "Here we are-the seventh floor! See, I told you it is Miss Smythe. Okay, she is on board, now for Mr. Hardwick." Ding! "Fourth floor open your door Agnes. Sure enough, it is Mr. Hardwick patiently waiting there. "You're right, they are a strange couple. You know in all the time that they've been riding you; I don't think I've heard them say more than two or three words to each other. Yes, I know they prefer riding you over the other elevators. That just shows you that they know a good elevator when they see one. No, I'm not just saying that. "Huh, do I know anything about them? Well yes, I guess I know quite a bit about them; I've always been very inquisitive for a mirror. As you know I can tell a lot about a people when they look at themselves in me. I also get information by talking to other mirrors. "What? You didn't know mirrors talk to each other. I don't know why that should surprise you. I bet you aren't surprised that people having mirrors can talk with other people who have mirrors; so why should you be surprised to find out that I talk to other mirrors that have people? "Both of them are horribly shy. I guess that is because over the years both of them have been subjected to ridicule and disappointment at the hands of the opposite sex. "Details? Yes, I know some. I got the inside story on Miss Smythe from a mirror hanging on the wall of her old room in her parent's house. It seems that when she was younger, about eighteen years old, something terrible almost happened to her. She was asked to a dance by one of the most attractive boys at her school. However, her best friend had gotten word about what her "date" really had in mind and told Luann about it. The so called "dance," which the boy was going to take her to was actually arranged to be a gangbang at a deserted cottage in the country. The plan was that after the boys had their fun, they were going to drive off and leave her to find her own way home. Needless to say, Miss Smythe did not fall into the trap. She received further heartbreak when she was attending college. She happened to overhear a group of young men discussing her, and what the bastards had to say wasn't very complimentary-in fact, their words shoved Luann into a shell so far that she never came out. "I heard about Hiram's story from the mirror in his old dormitory room at college. Hiram wasn't subjected to cruel tricks or words; he just grew up with a massive inferiority complex. He always was smaller than others of his own age group, even a good many of the girls he knew were taller than he was, and it didn't help that until the age of 28 he was plagued with acne. He became convinced that every girl he knew was totally turned off by his size and the inflammation, which covered his face. "The fact is that down through the years, Miss Smythe has managed to remain more or less virgo intacta, and I'm afraid that our Mr. Hardwick has endured a similar condition. Nowadays, neither one of them has any hope of finding love in this world. According to the mirror on the dresser in her bedroom, Luann cries herself to sleep every night, taking solace in reading lurid romance novels and the liberal use of a host of (how shall I put this?) lady's aids. It is about the same story for Hiram; I've seen in his eyes that he likes adult videos and magazines. He is also quite adept at using either hand to relieve his sexual tensions. "They both hate their lonely lives, and they can't wait to get out of their apartments in the morning and often don't come home until night. Yes they are two sad, sad people. I only wish there was something I could do to help them. "What's that Agnes? You wish you could help them to? Well, there is nothing for it now-we're about to stop." ""Ding!" We arrived at the ground floor. Mr. Hardwick and Miss Smythe stepped out of the cab and went off into the world to begin another day of toil and woe. "Well, that day passed fairly fast," I told Agnes, as the evening began to turn to night. "Yes, I heard Harry and Bernie telling those terrible jokes, but you know a couple of those jokes weren't half bad. You know me though; I hate to crackup over a joke. I snicker a little, but I don't like to laugh. We mirrors are sensitive about anything to do with cracking. I guess everyone is safely home, except for the Emerson's; they're off visiting their son and won't be home until the end of the week. What? Luann and Hiram haven't come in? Now, where could they be? It is late even for them." Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! "That's the ground floor. Maybe it will be one of our wandering tenets. Wheee! I love it when you drop down like that Agnes!" Ding! "Open your door and let's see. Yes, it is Mr. Hardwick, and he is carrying a brown paper bag. Come on in Mr. Hardwick." "Hold the door! Oh, please hold the door!" Luann yelled as she rushed toward Agnes's closing door. Hiram reached out and stopped the door from closing. The door slid open, allowing Luann to enter the elevator. She too was carrying a paper bag. "Thank you, I thought I was going to have to wait until the elevator came back down." "That's quite alright," Hiram mumbled. "Glad to help." Hiram glanced back at me, obviously made uncomfortable by having to talk to the woman. As he looked into me I read his thoughts. I also noticed that Luann did her best to keep from looking in Hiram's direction. However, she did look at her reflection, which gave me the opportunity to see her thoughts. "Oh, my! Agnes, emergency stop---NOW!" I yell so loud I was afraid the humans could hear me. Agnes slammed on her brakes and she jerked to a sudden stop. Hiram flew across the elevator and collided with Luann. Both of their bags were knocked out of their hands, scattering their contents across the floor. The pair gazed down at their possessions lying on the floor. Hiram's bag had held four new adult videos and two hardcore magazines. Luann's bag had held three erotic novels and an expensive variable speed, vibrating, reciprocating dildo (er, make that lady's aid). "Agnes, look at them!" I told the elevator. "I'll bet you didn't know that the human face could turn such an interesting shade of red. Yes, they do move very fast picking up their stuff. Can you believe that they both frequent a store called Eros Rising, but are so embarrassed when they are there that they keep their eyes down and never look at any of the other customers? You are right, that means that they have never seen each other while in the store. We can go up Agnes. I think we have set things in motion." Ding! We reached the fourth floor where a beet-red Mr. Hardwick rushed out of the elevator. As the door slid closed, an equally crimson Luann leaned heavily against me and took a deep breath. "I have never been so embarrassed in my life," Luann said to herself. "What must that man think of me?" "Ding!" We arrived at the seventh floor, and the door opened to let Miss Smythe out. She moved slowly out of the elevator. After all, she didn't have to run away from someone, like poor Hiram did. I could hardly wait to talk to the mirrors in Hiram and Luann's apartments. I was certain that both of Luann and Hiram were going to spend a very uncomfortable night. Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! "Good morning Agnes," I cheerfully told the elevator, "time to greet the new day. That's the fourth floor calling. It is probably Mr. Hardwick pressing the button. I know it is only 5:00 a.m. His mirror told me that he is planning to get out of the building extra early, so that he won't run into Miss Smythe. Why, neither one of them engaged in their usual self-gratification. What? Yes, they do it almost every night, except last night. They both went straight to bed after they reached their apartments, but a lot of good that did them, they couldn't get to sleep until way past midnight. "Why did I have you hit the brake if it was going to cause them so much trouble? They needed to find out that they had something in common. What? You don't think that they wanted to know they had THAT in common? They both thought there was something terribly wrong with them-sexually, I mean. They were ashamed of their need for sexual release and believed that they were somehow perverted. Agnes, sometimes it is good for people to understand that they are not all that different from others. Ding! "Well, here we are. Yes, it is Mr. Hardwick. Look into me Hiram, that's it. Agnes, can you believe he was thinking about taking the stairs? He is almost in a panic at the prospect of meeting Miss Smythe. He is even going to find another restaurant so he won't have to face Luann. Okay, maybe you are right; we should just mind our own business. Yeah, I know-we won't get into any trouble by doing our duty, picking them up and dropping them off." Ding! "Down already are we? Goodbye Mr. Hardwick and have a good day." Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! "Huh?" After Hiram had left I had fallen back to sleep, and I was having such a fine dream when the buzzing started. Agnes was on her way up to the seventh floor before I became fully awake. "Oh, it is almost 6:00 a.m." Ding! "Fourth floor and what do we see? Why if it isn't Mrs. Colberg, Mr. Grant and Miss Smythe all stepping in here. That's it Luann, check your hair, and let me look deep into your eyes. Eyes are the gateway to the soul, and what does your soul have to say today? Safety in numbers is the word for today, according to our Miss Smythe. She waited until she knew there were others waiting to go down. I guess it is the school of fish philosophy, safety in numbers. How do I know about fish? Why Agnes, didn't I tell you I have a cousin that is the back wall of an aquarium?" Ding! "Okay, goodbye folks, see you later." The rest of the day was interesting. Mr. Clancy, the building superintendent, came by and put Agnes out of service until she could be fully checked. It seemed that Hiram had made a bit of a stink about the elevator suddenly stopping. Of course, Mr. Clancy and the folk from the elevator service found nothing wrong with Agnes. Still and all, the whole thing got Agnes more than a little upset with me, even though they put her back in service in time for the afternoon rush. It wasn't until early evening that she began being sociable again. "I know they tore your brake assemble all apart, but look at the bright side, they said you have and excellent brakes. I've always said everything about you is first rate. No, I don't say that to all the elevators." Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! "Oops, someone on the ground floor wants picking up. Aw, come on, you can go faster than this, no one will know. Oh, alright be like that." Ding! "Hello Mr. Hardwick, how was your day? Relieved Luann isn't here? Wait, she's coming through the door right now. Oh stop pounding on the fourth floor button Hiram! Agnes, can't you wait? No? You're afraid the elevator service people will take you all apart again? I don't think they'd do that. How would I feel if I was taken apart? Agnes, at least they can put you back together!" Ding! "Goodbye Mr. Hardwick, you just blew your chance for romance. Now, we can go down and pick up Miss Smythe. She'll feel safe now that Hiram has vanished." The next morning followed a similar pattern to the previous one. Hiram came down extra early, and Luann came down later with a small group of people. As usual, both Hiram and Luann were the last ones coming in from work. Like yesterday, Hiram reached the elevator first, and like yesterday Luann came through the front door shortly afterwards. Hiram again began madly pushing the button for his floor as Miss Smythe approached the elevator. Agnes's door closed tightly, but she didn't move. In fact, she opened her door back up and revealed a startled Miss Smythe. Luann hesitated for a few moments before shyly entering the elevator. She pressed her floor and Agnes started going up-very slowly. "Agnes, what is going on?" I asked. "I thought you were afraid of the service people? Huh, no romance in my soul? I don't care about the fate of two unfortunate people who are desperately seeking a little happiness in their lives?!!!" "I..." Hiram said in a soft voice as he suddenly found something very interesting about the way his shoe laces were tied, "that is, I'm very sorry for bumping into you the other night. I've been terribly embarrassed about the whole thing. You must think I'm an awful person." "No," replied Luann, "I don't think you are awful. I was embarrassed too when you saw what I had in my bag. I guess you figure I'm some kind of strange deviant." "Good heavens," gasped Mr. Hardwick as he looked back up at the woman, "I don't think anything of the kind. I'm the one that feels like a pervert. I mean, my secret is out. I read and watch porn." "Well," Miss Smythe said, "if you won't tell on me, I won't tell on you. Maybe we don't have to be embarrassed anymore?" "This isn't easy to say, but I've gone through all my life being embarrassed around women," Hiram told her. "It would be nice not to be embarrassed around you." "Then, we have a deal?" she asked. "We certainly do!" he assured her. "I have to admit that I have been coming down early so that I wouldn't run into you because I was so upset." "And, I" Luann laughed, "have been coming down late for the same reason." "Perhaps, I...I can," stammered Mr. Hardwick, "which is to say, maybe I can make amends by...by-that is, although I'd understand if you didn't want to-knowing what you do about me and all-what I'm trying to say is, do you want to go to breakfast with me tomorrow?" "You're kidding?" exclaimed Luann. "Yeah, well I understand how you feel. I wouldn't want to associate with me either, but I don't have much of a choice." "That is not what I meant!" she firmly said. "What I meant is that I'm surprised you would ask someone like me. Look at me-frumpy old maid Luann Smythe." "Luann Smythe," smiled Hiram, "what a nice name. I'm afraid my name isn't near as nice-Hiram Hardwick III and I don't think you're at all frumpy." "Funny how we've gone up and down in this elevator all this time, and we never knew each other's names. Hiram, I would be more than happy to go to breakfast with you tomorrow. Shall we go back to our normal hours?" "That would probably be a fine idea," he nodded. "Please stop the elevator at my floor tomorrow morning, and I'll be waiting to ride down with you." Ding! "Agreed, I'll pick you up at 5:30 tomorrow morning," she sincerely said. "Oh dear, didn't the elevator just shoot upward this time! I don't think that I ever remember it getting to our floors so fast." "No doubt about it," nodded Mr. Hardwick, "they must have done something to speed it up." Sure enough, the next morning Miss Smythe had Agnes stop at the fourth floor where Hiram stood waiting. They both appeared very nervous as we rode down to the ground floor and didn't say a lot; however, I noticed that they walked very close to each other on their way out of the building. "What's that Agnes? Well yes, it does appear to be a good start, but something like this can fall apart fairly easily. We'll have to keep a close eye on the situation. I'm fairly sure good old Hiram would like to play elevator with our Miss Smythe. You know, ride up and down on her, but I'm afraid he might be a too shy to make the first move." For the next three weeks, Luann and Hiram continued to go to breakfast, but they still appeared uneasy when they were together. Mr. Hardwick would stammer and Miss Smythe would stutter. The habits formed from long years of insecurity were proving to be most difficult for them to break. I found out from his mirror that Hiram was seldom watching his videos and appeared to have some other focus for his sexual fantasies. Luann's mirror told me that she had slowed her reading way down, although she seemed to be more sexually excited than ever. As the days turned to weeks, it became apparent that while the couple was growing fonder of each other, they were having ever greater difficulty in communicating. "Agnes, something has got to be done about Miss Smythe and Mr. Hardwick. All our matchmaking is rapidly coming unraveled. Yes, I know it is obvious that they are in love, but they are terrified to say anything out of fear of rejection. I'm afraid that before long, they will become so frustrated that they will stop going to breakfast. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me a bit if one or both of them moved. No, I'm quite serious, something must be done-something drastic needs to be done. What do I have in mind? It is probably best that you don't know. I'm probably going to get into a lot of trouble, and you won't want to be caught up in the mess. Well, yes we are partners. Yes, you are my best friend. Okay, I'll whisper my plan to you." Reflections: The Odd Couple I filled Agnes in on what I had in mind. She thought it was the craziest idea that she had ever heard, but agreed to go along with it. Finally, there came a morning when Hiram came down by himself. He looked in me and I was dismayed by what I saw in his mind. He had called up Luann the night before and told her that they should take a "cooling off period." How can you have a cooling off period when nothing had been hot? There was no longer any doubt; Mr. Hardwick and Miss Smythe were crawling back into their shells. "Agnes, emergency stop! The time has come for me to take a hand in things. Yes, I'm positive," We had been going down toward the ground floor, but the sinking feeling I felt had nothing to do with the direction of our travel. "Damn!" cursed Hiram as Agnes suddenly stopped. "This stupid elevator did it again. This thing is nothing but a hunk of junk!" "That is no way to talk to her," I said in a harsh voice, which Hiram had no difficulty in hearing. I knew I was breaking about ten of the rules on the "strict" list. We mirrors have some fairly harsh rules when it comes to talking to people. If you break one of the "strict" rules, you end up getting broken and I'm not talking about rank. However, it was either speak up now or see two human lives wasted, and I sort of like humans. "She's the closest thing you have to a friend in this world." "What the hell?" he gasped, as he turned around and made sure that he was alone in the elevator. "Say, what is this, one of those hidden camera shows or what?" "No, there is no hidden camera," I assured him. "There is no hidden microphone. There is just me." "And who are you?" "I'm the mirror." "You are the mirror, eh? Yeah sure, as if mirrors can talk. Come on who do you think you're fooling? I'm not some fool who can be taken in by a fancy trick." "No, you're not. What you are is a fool who is going to toss away the best thing, which ever happened to him so that he can go on living his lonely, miserable existence devoid of love or hope." "Hey," protested Hiram, "what do you mean by that?" "I mean," I patiently explained, "that instead of running away from Miss Smythe, you should be running toward her." "Say, that's personal and no business of yours." "It is my business, Hiram. You didn't think that it was an accident that brought you and Luann together did you? I had the elevator stop the night that both of you dropped your bags from Eros Rising." "How did you know about that? What is this? Oh, I get it-you've hidden a camera in the elevator. I've heard about such things. Hide a camera somewhere, so you can get dirt on someone. I suppose you want to blackmail me now. Is that your game?" "Hardly," I told him, "I'm here to save you." "So, I'm supposed to believe you are my guardian mirror watching out for my welfare?" his voice dripped sarcasm. "I told you, I'm no fool." "And I told you, that you are one. You've been a fool for most of your life, but now you have a chance to turn all that around. Remember back when you were a boy? Remember Jane Callas? Remember how you wanted to take her to the prom? You were afraid to say anything to her, because you thought you were too short and your face was too broken out for her to be interested in you. So, you ended up staying at home, and while you were crying in your bed, Jane Callas was crying in hers. She would have gone with you; all you had to do was ask. You were a fool then, and you are a fool now." "My God!" Mr. Hardwick's voice was barely audible as he suddenly sat down hard upon the floor. "Not even my parents, not even my best friend knew about Jane Callas. No one knew that I cried like a baby that night. How did you find out?" "I'm a mirror," I explained, "and mirrors know a lot of things. For instance, I know that you are so afraid of Luann that you would rather run away rather than be with her." "That's not true," he protested. "I like Luann a lot. In fact, I like her too much. I think I love her. She is the most beautiful, charming woman in the entire world, and she is much too good for me. You're right, I'm a fool, a short, balding, ugly fool, and I don't stand a chance with a wonderful woman like Luann. She deserves some tall, strong, handsome man who can sweep her off her feet and give her everything she deserves." "Stop wallowing in your self-pity, Hiram! I won't stand for it. Now, you listen to me. I told you that mirrors know things, and I know that Luann loves you as much as you love her. Just like you, she hasn't had a happy life. There won't be a tall, strong, handsome man sweeping her up-you are her prince charming, and if you let her go, she will end up spending the rest of her life as a lonely old maid." "No! That can't be! Only a fool would pass up the chance to be with her." "Bingo!" I raised my voice. "It is just like I've been telling you, you are a fool. Now get up off of your backside, dust your pants off and let's get you up to the seventh floor. You need to make a call upon Miss Smythe." "What, right now? Oh, I...I don't have any idea what to say to her. Suppose she laughs at me. If you can see I'm a fool, then I'm sure she can see it too. I don't think this is such a good idea. No, not a good idea at all." "Tug up those pants, straighten your tie, suck in that gut, you are going to see Luann in a couple of minutes, and you are going to tell her just how you feel about her. She might not know what to say when you tell her, and I imagine she just might act as foolishly as you, but don't you dare run away. Hold her hand, look into her eyes, and speak what is in your heart. Don't feel rejected and don't give up. If you have to talk to her for the whole day in order to convince her of your love, then do it." "What...that is, what if she calls the police?" "She is not going to do that. Hiram, get this through your head-she loves you, and she isn't going to do something to get you into trouble. Last night after you called her, she spent most of the night sobbing. You broke her heart and now you have to set things right." "I did what?" Mr. Hardwick violently shook his head. "I made Luann cry? Oh no, I didn't mean to! Alright I'll do it! I'll set things right. In fact I'll set things more than right. Let me press the button for the seventh floor." "No need to do that. Agnes has everything under control." "Who's Agnes?" "Uh, forget about that. Just make sure that you are presentable and turn on the charm." "But I don't have any charm to turn on!" "Then turn on what you don't have. Let's go, you've got a date with destiny!" Agnes shot up to the seventh floor in record time. She stopped and popped her door open so fast that Hiram was sent flying from the cab. He turned around and looked back with wide eyes, before heading off toward Luann's apartment. "Well, that's that Agnes. If he opens his mouth about any of this and word gets around that I've been talking with humans, I'll be in for a shattering experience. No, you won't be able to stop them, although I appreciate your willingness to protect me. I just hope Hiram doesn't faint when Miss Smythe opens her door." We didn't see anything of Hiram or Luann for the rest of the day or the following day either. I checked with Mr. Hardwick's mirror and found out that he had not returned to his apartment. I was afraid that at the last moment he might have decided to vanish rather than face Luann. However, when I talked with Miss Smythe's mirrors (she has three, one in her living room, one in her bathroom, and one in her bedroom), I heard an interesting story. The mirror in Luann's living room is actually an ornamental star, which hangs on the wall above her television. I'm not overly fond of that particular mirror, because she obviously considers herself to shine above everyone else. However, she turned out to be quite good when it came to remembering what had taken place between Miss Smythe and Hr. Hardwick. The mirror saw Luann come out of her bedroom in response to Hiram's knocking, but lost sight of her as she entered the area next to the door. The mirror did not hear what was happening at the door, because Luann had the television on the morning news; however, a couple of minutes later Miss Smythe returned to the living room accompanied by Mr. Hardwick. "Really, I mean it," Hiram's voice was filled with desperation. "I've been horribly stupid. I was afraid that I was getting to like you too much and that you'd laugh at me when you found out." "I'd never laugh at you, Hiram," Luann said as she turned off the television and sat down on the couch in front of it. "I'm a little offended that you would think that I would." "Please! Don't be offended," his voice took on a higher pitch. "Oh my, I just knew I wouldn't get this right. I knew you'd throw me out and you'd be right to do it." "I'm not going to throw you out." "You aren't?" "No, I'm not," she said in a puzzled tone. "I just want to know what you want-what are you trying to say? First, you call me up last night and say that it might be best if we didn't have breakfast this morning; now you're telling me you didn't mean it. What do you mean?" "I really and truly mean," Mr. Hardwick fell on his knees before Luann, "I think the world of you. Before I met you I went through life lost and alone, but you brought happiness to my heart. Luann, all my life I've searched for you. I didn't know your name, or what you looked like, but I was looking for you everyday. Then when we met, it was magic, and for the first time in my life my heart became filled with joy and love. Last night I became afraid. I began to think that you deserved someone better than I am. You are a gorgeous and sexy woman and I'm a funny looking geek." "Geek?" Miss Smythe's eyes widened as a look of shock spread across her face. "You? Not hardly, you are gentle, caring, virile, and handsome. Any woman would be proud to be seen with you." "I don't know about that," he shook his head. "Well I do, now get up off your knees. If anyone saw you, they'd think you were proposing," she laughed. "They would?" gasped Hiram. "Well yes, I guess they would. A man gets down on his knees to propose to the woman he loves doesn't he? That's the way it should be, isn't it? I realize that we haven't known each other long, but I do love you. I always will love you. I know I don't have a ring or anything, but Luann Smythe please become my wife." "Hhhiram," Miss Smythe burst into tears, "what did you sssay?" "No, no, no, I didn't want to offend you. I knew I would botch the whole thing. Can you pretend I never said a thing? I mean, we can go out and have a bit to eat and forget I said anything." "No!" she said firmly between sobs. "You said what you said, and there is no getting out of it. You asked me to marry you. You are a wild and impetuous man. I heard you and your proposal can't be overlooked. I love you too. Yes Hiram, I will marry you. But get up off the damn floor." Mr. Hardwick shot off the floor and flew into Luann's embrace as His lips sought out hers. In a moment all the passion, which they had repressed throughout their lives, seemed to explode. It was as if all the lurid novels, which Miss Smythe had read and all the videos that Hiram had watched, had set the stage for this moment. Their innate shyness vanished in an instant as kiss after kiss was shared. Clothing flew wildly around the room. Hands sought, felt, caressed, and grabbed. Mouths kissed, teeth softly bit, and tongues touched in an unprecedented display of pent up lust. It was an untamed scene, which was probably unparalleled in the history of the world. "Awk!" a naked Luann cried, as the last vestige of Hiram's their clothing flew across the room. "Do I really look that bad? I know I'm not a muscleman, a bit on the thin side perhaps, but..." "Don't be silly!" Luann kissed him. "You are perfect. Hiram, I just remembered we have to go to work today." "Is that all?" a much relieved Mr. Hardwick sighed with relief. "My dear Luann, you are sick and I am sick. We are sick with love, and we won't be going into work. In fact, I should call right now and leave a message. No one is in the office, but I can leave word on the machine." "Oh, that's one of the things I am going to love about you Hiram; you have all the answers. I'll call in too." For a few minutes the couple set aside their shared desires long enough to call their places of employment. However, once their calls had been made, the pair returned to their amorous activities. "Hiram," Luann looked down at Hiram, as he was busy moving his mouth, from one of her breasts to the other. "I think it only fair to tell you that I've never been with a man before." "I'm your first?" Mr. Hardwick gazed up into her eyes. "I guess I'd better confess. I've never...I've thought about it a lot, but I...Luann this is my first time too." "Get up. I want to show you something. I want you to know what kind of person I really am," she said. When Hiram rose up to his feet, she grasped him firmly by his rigid organ. "My goodness, Mr. Hardwick you certainly have a hard wick!" She led him out of the room and into the bedroom where the bedroom mirror saw everything that happened. She went to the stand next to her bed and took out her variable speed, vibrating, reciprocating dildo, before lying upon down the bed. "Hiram, this is what I do when I get horny," She told him as she started the dildo and brought it down to her ample pubic patch. For several moments she ran the instrument through her bush, and then lowered its tip so that its top came into contact with her unsheathed clitoris. She stared up into Hiram's eyes and moaned as she continued to pleasure herself. "Luann, I have a confession of my own to make. I get horny too. In fact I get very, very horny. This is what I do," he grabbed his standing member and began to stroke it, as his eyes intently focused upon the masturbating woman. His hand moved even faster when he saw Miss Smythe bring the dildo to the well of her sex and eased it into her channel. "Oh, I've never seen anything so sexy in all my life. The videos I've seen are nothing compared to this." "Come next to the bed beside me Hiram. I want you close. Oh, look how long and hard you are. I love the way you move your hand," she sighed bringing the dildo back to her clit. "Hiram, I'm going to cum. I've never cum so fast before-ever. Please cum with me. Hiram, please do it." Mr. Hardwick's eyes were as wide as they could go. He stroked himself with an increased urgency, which caused the sperm in his balls to boil. He watched Luann's hips rapid thrusting up and down and heard her moans and sighs. He saw her shudder wildly. Her eyes closed as her orgasm swept through her body, causing her to arch her back, while the skin above her breasts started to turn a blushing red. The sight was too much for Hiram, and with a loud groan he shot his thick, white essence from the tip of his cock. His cum sprayed down upon Luann's breasts like a white rain. Seeing Hiram's release of his seed reinvigorated Luann's climax. She closed her eyes tightly and continued to thrash about for well over a minute, until she dropped the dildo to her side and went limp. For a moment neither one of them could speak. At last, Luann opened her eyes and looked sheepishly at Hiram. "Now you know what kind of girl I am." "And now you know my deepest, darkest secret," Hiram laughed. "And I am glad you know. I am so really glad to share this with you, and to have been able to watch you as you have watched me." "Are you? Are you truly glad? If you are, you had better lie down beside me," she grabbed some tissues, and when Hiram lay next to her, she wipe the remnants of his cum from his shrunken member before cleaning herself off. "That was the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me." "Prepare for some more excitement," he pulled her to him and kissed her. "You ain't seen nothin' yet!" They lay there resting, cuddling, and kissing for over half an hour. Then Hiram began to become more animated. His kisses and caresses took on a renewed urgency, which spoke of rising lust. His hands roamed all over Luann's body as he brought his head to the secret area between her legs. Not allowing his lack of experience to slow him down, his mouth sought out her clitoris. With only the memories of what he had seen on his adult videos as a guide, he set about pleasuring the woman he loved. Guided by Luann's reactions to his wandering tongue, he moved with rapid, teasing motions, which caused the woman's hips to begin to move in response. "Hiram," Luann's voice was hardly more than a whisper, "I need you now. Take me Hiram. I need you in me now!" In answer to her pleas, Mr. Hardwick left off his oral attentions and moved himself into position between Luann's legs. His rampant shaft throbbed as he looked down at her open slit and the tight orifice of her sex. He lay down on top of her and tried his best to insert his eager cock, but his lack of experience caused him to fumble. Luann, not to be denied, reached down and grabbed his manhood to bring him to her opening. Hiram pressed his hips forward and felt the soft, wet embrace of Luann's vagina welcome him as he slid up her passage. Luann had lost her maidenhead years before to one of her lady's aids, which allowed Hiram to easily sink his hardness deep into her, until their abdomens met and their hairs intertwined. Hiram began moving in and out, as Luann began to buck her hips up toward him. Bit by bit, their passion over took them, and their movements became ever more rapid, until they moved with all the mad intensity of two sex starved lovers. Their voices mingled in a song born out of unbridled lust, which rose to a crescendo, as they both reach the summit of their passion. Luann felt wave upon wave of orgasmic pleasure almost from the moment Hiram first entered her, and Hiram did his best to prolong her delight. However, the inevitable could not be put off indefinitely. Finally, with a roar, Mr. Hardwick sent a flood from his seminal reserves into the depths of Luann's womb. With a breathless sigh Hiram fell beside Luann. His heart was racing, he fought for breath, and his body was filled with a warm feeling, which he had never felt before. The waves of pleasure, which had consumed Luann, continued for awhile after her lover had pulled out of her. Slowly her sensations decreased to be replaced by the glow of contented love. She looked over at Hiram, and her face was a picture of the total devotion that filled her heart. Almost as if Hiram could feel her gaze, he turned and looked into her eyes. "I think my hand has become obsolete," he said between breaths. "Luann, you are fantastic." "Well, Mr. Hardwick you certainly are much better than any of my dildos-even the latest variable speed, vibrating, reciprocating model. I now know that plastic is no comparison to the real thing." It was about a week later, after their wedding plans were finalized, that Luann sent Hiram on some errand. It was a slow day, and he was the only rider in the cab as we headed down. He kept looking back at me and seemed ill at ease. "Look," he said turning around and facing me. "I don't know if you actually spoke to me or if it was all some sort of hallucination. I only know that you haven't said a word since that fateful day. I haven't said a word to Luann, I don't want to have her think I'm a nut case. However, if you did talk, I just want you say thanks. You kept me from making a terrible mistake, and you made my life worth living." He stared at me for a moment, and it was one of the hardest things that I've ever done not to say, "You're welcome." However, I had risked my fragile self enough and it was better for him think that he had imagined the whole thing, than for me to go all to pieces. Reflections: The Odd Couple Ding! Hiram left and Agnes closed her door after him. Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! That weekend Agnes was called down to the ground floor. She opened her door, and the building superintendent entered to lock her doors open in the open position. There were a lot of people standing around, and a man carrying a bible entered to stand at the back of cab. Mr. Hardwick and Miss Smythe entered following the man into the Agnes's cab. Luann was dressed all in white and Hiram looked quite handsome dressed in black. They took up positions just in front of the man with the bible. Our odd couple had decided to be married where Agnes and I had first brought them together. Dear Agnes cried all the way through the ceremony; she said that she always cried at weddings-don't ask me how she manages to attend the things, because I don't have a clue. Ding!