0 comments/ 9925 views/ 0 favorites Real Life By: Barnaby I glanced at the clock ticking away on the bathroom wall. It was already nearly 8 PM. I'd have to hurry or I'd miss THE BIG BANG THEORY. That had been my favorite show on television for the past few years and I prided myself on never having missed a first-run episode. Still, I had an important job to do first. It was my boyfriend's birthday and the one thing he asked for from me was his birthday blowjob. The blowjob had become an annual tradition. Oh, I had no problem giving him bj's throughout the year--I kinda liked 'em really-- but the birthday one had become special, symbolic I guess. He looked forward to it like a little boy getting a special treat. It was so cute! So when I had my makeup all perfect and my seams adjusted, I walked into the living room where he was sitting playing a video game on the PS3 he had gotten for himself this past Christmas. "Hi," I said in my sexiest voice. "Hi," he threw off quickly as he swerved to avoid what looked like attack missiles or something on the 56 inch TV. The room shook from the sound as he had it filtered through stereo speakers dotted in the corners. I glanced at the time on the cable TV box. Yeesh! Getting close. Subtlety was no longer an option. I walked over and hit the off button on the TV. "Hey! I was just about to..." At that point, I could tell he saw me. "I mean...'Hi, there. What brings you here?'" His eyes lit on my deep cleavage and then on the new pinker than pink lipstick I had added thickly just so it could get all smeared. "Hi," I said sweetly again as I walked right up to him and began to run my hands through his hair. I could tell he was sniffing mine as I leaned into him on the couch. I wished I had used a fancier shampoo than the L'Oreal. I started to think that he really needed a haircut, too. It wasn't that his hair was too long, just that portions were uneven and stringy and it looked awkward. Made him look kind of hot in the right situations I guess but kind of shabby the rest of the time. Having once been a Girl Scout, I was, of course, prepared. I had carried a kitchen towel in on my shoulder. I dropped the towel on the floor right in front of him and then I slowly lowered myself to the floor as well. His face lit up with a smile all the way across it as he put aside his electronic toys and rose in anticipation of his birthday treat. I loved to see him smile. He stood stock still letting me do all the work so I unzipped his jeans, noting as I did so that his zipper was in disrepair and he would probably have to replace it soon. Who was I kidding? He was a man. He'd throw these perfectly good jeans out and just buy a whole new pair. While I was thinking this, I fished out his half-mast pecker through the opening in his shorts and grasped it tightly around its middle. I looked up to see him lean his head back with closed eyes. I smiled that I could make him so happy so easily. It made me happy. I put my lips together and leaned in to literally give a little butterfly kiss to the thick mushroom head with its little slit smiling sideways up at me. When I smooched, I left a lipstick stain. I could hear him moan as if already lost in some deep, secret pleasure. I glanced at the time again and figured I'd best get to work. I opened my mouth wide and slipped it over his still thickening flesh without letting it touch the sides of my mouth. As it went in deeper and I got closer to him, I could smell the urine stains on his underwear. Men could be such slobs, I thought. I wondered if he had even changed them today. When I finally squeezed my mouth snugly around his dick, that thick head was further down in my throat than I had ever had it. I nearly choked. Stories I had heard of the hardened heads getting stuck in girls' throats came back to me. I gagged just a second, more from the thought than anything else I think. I pulled off and coughed, cleared my throat, assured him I was fine and opted for a more traditional approach as I continued. I reached behind and grabbed his butt through his tight jeans as I carefully bobbed my head up and down for a few minutes--not too far, mind you. I was just concentrating on licking the head with my tongue as it went in and out. Well, that and what I should make for dinner. If we didn't use that ground beef, it would go bad but I definitely wasn't going to have time to do anything with it before my show came on. Suddenly I felt his hands on my head as if guiding me on to suck him off. I didn't need any guidance, though, and since he couldn't feel his cock in my mouth the way I did, I was always worried when he did this that he was going to push too hard or at the wrong time and I would choke on it. I pulled my mouth off it and shook my head as sensually as I could as I gulped a few breaths. "No, darling. Let me do it." I removed his hands. Sometimes he really didn't make this easy. I was thinking I might have to settle for cold cuts during BBT. Of course, maybe I was being influenced by the bologna I had in my mouth already. That sticky stuff men make for lube had started bubbling out through his slit so it was all syrupy and everything now as I rolled it around in my mouth. He moaned so I did, too. He seemed to like that so I kept it up, almost humming. I held onto the middle tightly as I bobbed on it up and down for a while. Up and down, up and down. I noticed that the nail polish on my hand needed to be touched up again and wondered if maybe I should just take it all off and try something new this time. Black with gold stars maybe? Every once in a while, I'd remember to jack him a little and that elicited murmurs of great approval which made me laugh and nearly gag again. It tasted like sucking one's thumb as a child. There was a certain calming feeling to licking the flesh that I kind of liked...as long as he had showered recently, of course, which, thankfully, I could tell he had here. Otherwise...well... probably not a good time to think about that. One also never knew until the payoff how a man's cum would taste as it really was affected by what he had recently had to eat. There were lots of foods like pineapple and watermelon that could actually make it taste good. Unfortunately, beer and pizza gave it a unique flavor all its own and that, of course, was closer to the average for most men. Oh, my gosh. I had lost track of time. We were only minutes away now and sometimes the bit before the opening credits was the funniest part. I started pumping his prick faster and harder now as well as slipping it in and out faster. His balls had been bouncing off my chin and I could feel them well up. I was in complete control. As I kept sucking, I kept my eyes on the time and literally pushed him back onto the couch just as I started to feel the thick, warm liquid flood my mouth. He moaned almost as if in pain rather than release. I captured the results of all my hard work in my cheek until he was close to done. Then I gulped a couple of times to swallow. I coughed and he absent-mindedly handed me an open bottle of Pepsi from the table, without even opening his eyes. I took a swig to help wash it down. I grabbed the towel off the floor to wipe my face, mainly just the smeared makeup. Then I plopped next to him on the couch, his quickly waning penis still on view, and grabbed the remote. Less than a minute to go until Sheldon and company! Whew! I had made it. "Honey? " I asked. "Could you do me a big favor? "Oh. My. God. That was the most amaz..." "Yeah. Okay. We can talk about it later. Right now, can you run into the kitchen and make me a sandwich, please? My show's on!" I laughed. He laughed. "Happy birthday!" I said with a wink. END Real Life Adventure of a Cuckold This is a true story of a recent adventure. Let me know if you like it at the address in my profile and I will post more. * I met Lydia from a posting on craigslist. I was in the habit of posting a variety of ads every week in the casual sex section, trolling for playmates. Sure, the odds of getting a date out of an ad were low, but what was the cost? And there was something addictive about the unknown, the excitement of new possibilities coming your way. This ad was straightforward, something to the effect of "Handsome man would like to be your escort to a sex party." It was a basic plea for a woman who wanted to explore the sex party world of San Francisco, but needed a guide. I would escort her, pay any fees, and would expect nothing in return but the chance to get into parties where you needed to be a couple or a single woman. Of course, I hoped for more, but no need to make that explicit. If the chemistry was right, who knew? Anyway, Lydia responded quickly, and after a bit of flirting on email, she sent me her epic and her number. I called and we arranged for a drink that night, to get to know each other a bit. We agreed to Mecca, a sort of upscale bar, full of beautiful people of mixed sexual orientations. Well, that drink let to quite a fun evening. What started out as whispering to each in the bar led quickly to passionate kisses and groping, and before too long we headed out to the power exchange for her first foray into a public sexual play space. Lydia is about 45, blond, large breasts, nice grabbable ass, kind of a slightly fucked out MILF look to her. Sort of slightly slutty soccer mom look. She was recently separated and enjoying exploring her sexual passions. As for me, well I am a bit of a freak. Married to a sexy woman how I rarely have sex with, I instead have been using public venues to indulge my desires for submission, humiliation, and cuckolding. My wife is not into this kind of play and so I have been looking elsewhere for it for years. I look pretty alpha male, muscular and tall, but inside am pure sissy. Well, anyway, that night at the power exchange was hot. I probably spent an hour eating Lydia out while groups of guys watched and jerked, and then we invited other men into fuck her. I could tell Lydia, who did not know what I was looking for exactly, was a bit surprised by the submissive role I was taking, and by the fact that I seemed to be getting more pleasure out of kissing her while she fucked others then by trying to fuck her myself. She did seem to enjoy the various guys entering her, and all in all, it was a lot of fun. We parted for the night and agreed to set up a date for another sex party. Lydia knew of a private party, and after some research, I tracked it down. It was a costumed event, so Lydia went shopping for a sexy corseted gown, and I got myself tricked out in sub gear, all in PVC and leather complete with a collar and dog chain. We agreed to meet for a drink the following Saturday right before the event, to get geared up for the evening and to discuss our wants for the party. What transpired at that party was a cuckolds fantasy come true, and I sit her the next day typing this, my mind still blown, not knowing if she will ever talk to me again. So I met Lydia at a bar near where the fetish/sex party was going to happen. She was dressed in a tight rubberized little blue dress, with a cute fringe of feathers. For myself, I was in leather pants and vest (I had a collar and wrist and ankle cuffs that I would put on at the party). We had a drink and chatted a bit about the party. I slowly felt myself dropping into sub space, and before too long we went to the club. It was a Spring Fling party, with people dressed as fairies and elfs and warlocks and goats and god knows what else. As soon as we were in the door, I put on my collar and leash. Lydia gave me a little smirk, grabbed the leash, and led us on a tour of the rooms. Things were pretty quiet, but it was clear the back room was where the action would be. There was a bed in the middle of the room, and along the side were lots of benches for sitting, playing, and watching. We sat on a bench, and talked a bit. There was a woman and two guys on the bed opposite us. I began to caress Lydia's legs, our lips met for a kiss, and before long I was on my knees between her legs, her dress up, her panties pushed aside, with my tongue buried in her shaven pussy. I lapped and lapped, not sure what was going on behind me. Lydia is loud during sex, and she moaned and guided my head. After a bit, my head slid down her legs and I began to lick her shoes. I was on my belly at this point, her sitting above me, and who knows what happening behind me. After a bit of this Lydia jerked my chain up so I would sit next to her. She led me over to the bed, where the woman was lying on her stomach, rubbing the cock of one of the guys through his jeans, while the other guy was licking her breasts. Lydia immediately began to kiss the girl, and while I kneeled next to the bed began to rub the cock of the other guy through his jeans as well. Up to this point, while sub, I was not pathetic. I could have joined into the fray her, and been an equal partner for the night. I think Lydia thought I was going to. But no, that was not for me. Instead I bent my head down and began to lick and tongue the asshole of the girl lying on her stomach. She was pretty, petite, youngish, and totally non-plussed by what I was doing. I could have been a fly on the wall for all she cared, as I spent maybe 10 minutes tonguing and sucking on her asshole. Meanwhile, clothes were coming off everyone else, and when I finally stopped (because the girl rolled over and began to get up, without even giving me a glance, Lydia had the cock of one guy out and was rubbing on it. The girl went away with one of the guys, and Lydia was on her knees on the bed jerking the cock of this guy. I knelt next to her and held her hair and rubber her face, then bent down to suck her shoes some more. Lydia spoke up and asked me to get her a condom. At this point, while she clearly was a bit disgusted with me, I might still have maintained some dignity. But when I came back with the condom, the guy could tell how sub I was, and he asked that I roll the condom on his cock. Lydia giggled, looked at me, and I did so. Then I knelt beside her and took turns with her sucking on his cock. For Lydia, I don't think this was a big turn on. Rather I think she found it amusing. She would allow me to take a turn now and then, and push the back of my head so he could fuck my face hard. Then she would take the cock back and go about her business. Before too long this progressed and he pushed her too the bed, face first, and entered her. She began to scream, and I knelt in front of her and kissed her while this guy fucked her hard. They fucked for about 15 minutes, during which I kissed her, sucked on her shoes, and got her some water to drink. Eventually the finished (the guy did not cum but sure had fun) and everyone got dressed again. Lydia led me around some more from room to room, and we chatted with some folks. She tried to treat me like a normal person, but it was clear that she had made some decision about spending the night playing with others. I could feel the difference. In about an hour, she started chatting with this guy all in latex. I stood about 15 feet away, slowly turning red, as she ignored me and chatted and flirted with him. Eventually she came over and said she was asking about his outfit, and let me into the back room, once again. This time there was a couple sitting on the bed, facing a grouping of two women and one guy who were on the benches. Lydia walked us over and sat down on the bed next to the couple. I kneeled on the floor next to her. Soon she was necking with the female part of the couple, and I was just kneeling there. One of the women on the bench asked about me, and she said I was a slave, that I liked to lick feet, and that it felt good. With that, I crawled over and began to lick this girls feet. She was a beautiful young Asian girl, maybe 22 and very petite. I started off licking her shoes, then she kicked them off and before I knew it, I was taking her whole foot into my mouth, kneeling in front of her, holding her leg with my hands as she face fucked me with her foot. The other woman and guy on the bench found this hilarious. I spent a good 30 minutes licking her feet, then her legs, then her shoulders and arms, and finally sucking on her fingers like a good little slut before the threesome decided to get up and leave. When they did so, I turned around to find that Lydia was alone on the bed with this guy, he had his cock out and she was sucking on it. I crawled back to her and asked her if she would sit on my face so I could eat her while she sucked him. She gave me an annoyed look, said she was busy, and told me "not now." I kneeled and watched. This guy's cock was huge and very hard, and he began really face fucking Lydia. She was loving it, and soon he too threw her down and began fucking her from behind. He fucked her slow and deep, and while doing so starting smacking her ass. I crawled back to her face and tried to kiss her, but she pushed me away. The guy smirked and began telling Lydia to tell him how much she liked his cock. She did, and he told her to say it louder. Soon Lydia was actually screaming at the top of her lungs that she loved his cock and him fucking her. I was so ashamed and turned on. He kept slowly spanking her ass and fucking her for what felt like hours. It was probably like 30 minutes, then Lydia sent me away to get them cups of water. When I came back, she was lying on her back with him standing above her, plunging his cock into her mouth over and over again. After giving them the water I kneeled at licked her sweet pussy, while he told her what a good slut she was and did she like being gagged by his cock. Her mouth was too full to do much but moan. Before too much longer she on her back and he was fucking her again, and this time he was not messing around. He powerfucked her for a good 30 minutes, with her screaming the whole time. There were about 20 people watching this, and there I was, kneeling in front of her head, jerking, pathetic. He made me hold her legs up by her ears while fucked her and slapped the insides of her thighs as he turned he out like a little tramp. She must have come a dozen times. I did not exist to her, until finally he shot in her. Then she told me to get her coat. She grabbed it and walked out, with me tripping along behind her. She hardly spoke to me as I followed her to her car, and she barely even said goodbye before driving away. I was ashamed, unbelievably turned on, and so horny. I walked home in shame and awe. It has been almost two weeks since then. Lydia finally has responded too my emails, to tell me she is getting a boob job next week and she would go to another party with me after that. She refuses to talk about that night. Who knows what she thinks of me. Real Life & The Movies One of my secret ambitions is to be a screenwriter and a director. An Academy Award winning screenwriter and director. And of course, I want all the perks that go with being an Academy Award winning screenwriter and director: a house in Pacific Palisades, a Cadillac Escalade, Nissan NSX or a convertible Mustang GT, maybe all three; I suppose it depends on the size of the garage. And, of course, I want a capable yet nubile personal assistant. I've got the ideas to pitch for three book adaptations, seven original movies and two plays. All in all, I've pretty much got the secret career planned out. Well, except for where the 10 million I need to do the first movie is going to come from. But those are just details, right? Once I achieve fame and fortune I want to make a movie that reflects sexuality in real life terms. Seeing Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct got the wood up. Carrie Otis in Wild Orchid, Kim Basinger in Nine and a Half Weeks and with ex- husband Alec Baldwin in the remake of The Getaway, Alyssa Milano in Embrace of the Vampire, Kathleen Turner in Body Heat: these are some great moments of sexuality on screen. But. Can you name a movie where either the man or woman in bed, after sex, attempted to avoid the wet spot or hit the wet spot and went "Ewwwwww!"? A movie where the woman gets her clothes ripped off, wild passionate sex ensues, she spends the night in bed and wakes up looking like a raccoon from her smeared eye makeup? A movie where the male lead, following sex in bed, rolls over and falls asleep? Or snores? Or drools on the pillow? Or does all of the above? Women, by the way, I am told, are not immune to rapid post-coital somnolence, snoring or drooling. I've been married 23 years and in all those years I have neither smoked nor, as Alan Alda and Meryl Streep did in The Seduction of Joe Tynan, eaten vegetables (AKA crudites), apres sex. I suspect I am not the only man in the world who has bad breath that, were it bottled in sufficient quantities, could be classified as a biological weapon of mass destruction. Do couples actually wake up and, with neither gargling with mouthwash nor brushing their teeth, have wild, passionate sex that involves deep French kissing? And then smoke - or eat crudites? Name a movie where either the man or the woman had to hold up a hand in the morning to stop the impeding wild, passionate sex and say, "Wait a second, I gotta pee." Aside from a comedy - and I can't think of one off the top of my head - can you name a movie where the wild, passionate sex is slowed down by the inability of the man and/or couple-in-concert to get the condom package open and/or "deployed?" And what of women who use diaphragms for birth control. "Oh, damn it! Wait, I need to put my diaphragm in!" Aside from Pinto in Animal House, name a movie where the man had difficulty getting the woman's bra unhooked. There was that scene in In the Line of Fire between Clint Eastwood and Rene Russo where there was some difficulty getting to skin but I think it involved getting her gun belt off. Just an aside on the bra: Satan invented bra clasps; of this I am certain. This may seem counter-intuitive. But think about it for a second. By the time the poor guy gets it open and gets at the treasures beneath he is so stoked that he's crossed the point of no return. And sweat? Well, there was Kathleen Turner and William Hurt in Body Heat but can you name two other movies where the sex is accompanied by sweat. Sweat from a sauna does not count. (You probably can but at the moment I can't.) Aside from Jane Fonda and Jon Voight in Coming Home name a movie where one or both bedmate is disabled. Granted, John Candy, that I can recall, never had a hot sex scene in a movie, but large men, like the late comedian, do have sex. One of the things about being a big guy is a condition known as Chronic Obstructive Sleep Apnea. I, as a large man, am required to sleep with a mask, resembling a fighter pilot's oxygen mask, over my nose. The mask is hooked, via a hose, to a machine that resembles a smallish coffee maker. The smallish coffee maker supplies room air under pressure to the mask to keep my airway open while I sleep. The first time one of my kids saw me in the headgear it scared the hell out of them. My cats used to run in terror. Now, when I lay down to take a nap they (the cats) look at me with a withering disdain. "Oh, he's going to start the smallish coffee maker." So take a moment and imagine this scene: Mara Tierney and a large man like her co-star in ER, Abraham Benrubi (Jerry the Clerk), are in bed the morning after. There's a hum in the background, a cross between a cappuccino maker and a leaf blower - and only slightly quieter. The camera pans up Mara's leg erotically sticking out from under the sheet up to her face - where her eyes are ringed in black from her eye makeup that she did not take time to remove prior to the wild, passionate sex the night before. Her nose twitches a little. Her mouth is open and a small amount of drool is running onto her pillow. There's a fade to an over bed view and the camera moves from Mara's body to the body of her partner. He's laying on his back, rather like a beached whale, with a mask strapped to his face, a hose connecting the mask to the smallish coffee maker that adds the visual in the mind's eye of a beached whale with an elephant's trunk. Yeah baby! Mmmmmm. Maybe not. In a review of the Anglo-French movie Intimacy, posted online at arts.telegraph.co.uk on 2/27/01, the reviewer says this: "To my mind, it is one of the disgraces of modern life that we can watch movies with people's heads being blown off but we can't bear the most basic standard of realism in our depictions of everyday sex." The reviewer here was commenting on the shock of a good many British moviegoers when the beautiful lead actress in the movie, Kerry Fox, "fellated" (God love the British) the lead actor half way through the movie. But his comment could easily be applied to other depictions of sex that we never see in movies: the wet spot, raccoon eyes, contrary female underwear, sweat, disabled people and fat people with sleep apnea. Then again, one of my biggest pet peeves with professional movie critics is when they moan and bitch about a movie being "unrealistic." Conversely, Robert Ebert, for one, will give a "thumbs up" to a movie for being "realistic." Generally I find those movies deeply depressing. I don't know about you but I go to movies to escape the harsh realities of life for a few hours. So, maybe we don't want to see a depiction of how it is in some of our beds and bedrooms. Maybe we want to see those beautiful actors and actresses having sex in a manner that would put a normal person's back out and then awake in the morning, fresh faced, clean mouthed and do it all over again. Maybe we want to escape what has become all too mundane for us. Maybe it would be, well, unnerving to see Tom Cruise or Viggo Mortensen take "the little blue pill" before they bedded their paramours. ("Is it working yet, darling?") Though, it might have been an interesting scene to have former Senator and Viagra pitchman Bob Dole appear to Tom Cruise as Tom ran through the large hall in Vanilla Sky yelling, "Tech support!" Maybe sweat is such an offensive turnoff that moviegoers would run screaming from the theater. I mean, I've always wondered how it is that people in the movies can wear leather motorcycle jackets in L.A. and seem "cool, dry and collected" even though you know the temperature's gotta be in the low 90's and other characters are dressed for tennis. How's that work exactly? Of course, I don't notice a lot of erotica being written "realistically" either. And to this I'll cop a guilty plea myself. But I'll have plenty of time to ponder the movie aspects of sexual reality while I wait to win my first Academy Award. And until then, maybe I'll be brave enough to work some real life into my own stories. Maybe. Then again, maybe not. Please take a moment to vote, send feedback and/or post a comment. Your readership is most appreciated.