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Miracle on RR34 Ch. 01

By: BiscuitHammer



Disclaimer: All characters portrayed indulging in sexual activity are 18 chronological years of age or older. Any resemblance between these fictional characters and actual people is completely intentional and meant for parody. Reviews are welcome, flames will be ignored. 

This was done as a request for someone and it's dedicated to them. They know who they are. 

*** 

Ginny Hale sighed forlornly as she sat on her chesterfield in the dim room, the only light provided by the crackling fireplace and some scented candles spread around to make the house smell like gingerbread. She'd made gingerbread cookies earlier, but they were predictably burnt and now her kitchen smelled like a Christmas elf's ass. 

She took another sip of red wine from her oversized glass, unable to decide who or what to be mad at- the weather, for bringing this godawful blizzard on Christmas Eve, her so-called friends for ditching her after she'd gone to all this work to put together a nice party, or herself for going crazy and buying this (admittedly nice) chateau way out here in the boondocks. 

Still relatively new to her negotiator position, Ginny had landed a huge deal for the company she worked for and the payout bonus was one of the biggest ever seen in-house. Though she had an office, she had often worked from her cramped apartment downtown, where a glorious chaos only she understood reigned. But the payout had been large enough for her to purchase a very pretty home in the country, not more than ninety minutes from work. Her boss was so pleased with the deal that he said she only had to come in once a week, to pick up whatever she needed to work on. 

It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now she found she was quite lonely. Few people were will to put forth the effort to come out and visit her. In fact, only three had since the summer when she bought it. Hell, even her boy-toy, Chad from Accounting, could not be bothered and was now just fucking Lily in the secretary pool instead. 

Bing Crosby was singing 'White Christmas' to her while she moped. The big bay windows to her back porch showed the fury of the storm outside. Driving snow had been battering the countryside for two days now and her boss had called her to just stay safe and not try to come into the city. 

He was a nice old man and she liked him. He'd actually taken a chance and given her the job, after she'd fucked him. She hadn't invited him to her little soiree, because his miserable old bat of a wife was hovering around him constantly these days, certain he'd been tipping on her. But even without Old Man Reese, she'd invited upward of twenty people and none of them had shown. Not even Claire, her best supposed friend, had made it out. She was probably too busy being pinned and screwed by her boyfriend anyway, Guido or Nunzio or whatever his name was. 

Dean Martin came on, singing 'Marshmallow World'. Normally this was one of her favourites, but tonight it just reminded her that she was alone for Christmas. Again. With another sigh, she drank the rest of the wine in her glass and reached for the bottle, turning it over. 

It was empty. Damn. She'd have to open another one. 

She walked slowly into the kitchen, wearing her ratty old fox-themed footie pajamas, having decided that if she didn't have to dress up for anyone, she was dressing at all. She took a deep drink of spiked egg nog from the jug of it she'd prepared while she found another bottle of zinfandel and burped very loudly. She wrestled the cork off of the bottle and poured most of the contents into her oversized glass, muttering that she didn't have to answer to anyone about what she did, she was a big girl. She slumped back down on the couch while John Lennon asked her what she'd done for Christmas from the stereo system. 

"Up yours, John..." she said testily as she drank more wine. 

She stood unsteadily, blinking for a moment to try and clear her head. She might have had a bit of a wine fog going on, since she'd nearly polished off two bottles of Old Vine Zinfandel in under two hours. Convincing herself that walking was not a bad idea, she tottered over to the bay windows, reaching a hand out in front of herself to make sure it encountered the glass before her face did. 

"Will you look at that shit out there..." she muttered to no one in particular. After all, there was no one around to hear her. 

Well, almost no one. 

"Hi, Oatmeal," she said sweetly, grinning lop-sidedly at the bearded dragon that sat in a terrarium near the bay doors. "Looks like you're my Christmas date... again..." 

The tiny lizard said nothing but assumed a darker shade of purplish brown. 

"Same to you too, bugface." Ginny muttered sourly, annoyed at being spurned by a reptile with a brain smaller than a sugared peanut. She lumbered back to the kitchen, trying unsuccessfully to eat several pieces of the Turkish Delight she'd tried to make, but they were sticky and runny, most of the reddish-pink mess ending up stuck to the front of her pajamas. 

"Son of a fucking reindeer!" she spat, attempting to remove the pajamas, her sticky fingers having trouble with the zipper. She finally kicked the thing off and left if in a corner of the kitchen, now wearing nothing except her panties and a halter top. She stomped back into the spacious living room, thoroughly annoyed. While the music played, she looked around for something to do, taking another pull from the egg nog jug she'd brought with her. 

The hot tub. 

It sat near the bay windows, set into the floor and was large enough for five or six people. She'd been hoping that maybe a few people of the dozens she'd invited would show and maybe they could have a fun pool party. She'd even told everyone in the invitations to bring their swimsuits. 

But of course, no one showed. She was beginning to suspect she could live in Buckingham Fucking Palace and still no one would come to see her. This was, literally, the fifth Christmas she'd spent by herself. The timing for friends never worked out and her parents were always off in Monaco or some such place, avoiding the weather. Her mom had already called earlier that night, so she wouldn't hear any more from them for a few days now. 

She sighed yet again and pulled off her underthings, stepping into the water. She was drunker than she wanted to admit, though, missing her footing, squealing and tumbling into the tub with a splash. Ginny came to the surface, sputtering and hissing in outrage. Why couldn't anything work out? Oatmeal just stared at her impassively. 

"You win this time, gravity..." she growled, displeased with her inelegant entrance. Well, at least she'd been smart enough to put down the jug of nog before trying to get in. She turned on the jets and retrieved her beverage, taking another big pull as the tub rumbled to life. Ginny laid back her head against one of the padded rests and tried to relax, to let her frustrations go. 

She turned on the jets and allowed one to massage her lower back while sipping at a glass of wine. She tried to put the frustrations of the holiday behind her, to let go of the feelings of rejection and somehow not belonging. 

"Why did I but this new fucking home if no one was interested in visiting? Everyone said they thought it was so great, but months later, still no visitors. Do I really not matter that much?" 

It annoyed her to think not only that she was alone, but that doubtless most of the people who had ditched her were at home getting laid. Claire was doubtless face down and ass up on her bed, getting plowed from behind by Guido. Even Mr Reese, the old geezer, was probably getting some, either from his wife or maybe one of his secretaries. 

She sighed heavily and sat up, putting her now-empty wine glass aside and deciding that just because she was alone on Christmas Eve didn't mean she wasn't owed at least one good orgasm. She leaned forward and rested her forearms on the padded edge of the hot tub, positioning herself so that one of her jets, the one she'd named 'Juan', was right behind her. She felt the flow of water begin to caress her and she rested her head on her forearms as she wiggled further back, feeling the jet more strongly now as it pushed against her ass and her pussy. With a sigh, she found the perfect distance and pressed her face down into her arms, letting Juan work his magic. 

Water pressure massaged her netherlips, strong enough to part them and to tease her clit, sending thrills through her. She shuddered and sighed loudly, forgetting, for now, how much men sucked. She bit the knuckle of her index finger, lost in reverie. 

God, if only it were a man fucking her. 

"Alone... on fucking Christmas... where's- ah!- where's the justice in that?!" 

She was sweating now and panting as the relentless jets battered her womanhood, the sensations overhwelming her steadily. She clenched her teeth and her fists, straining as she fought to hold on a little longer. 

She moaned very loudly, her whole body shaking as Juan delivered a wonderful orgasm. She panted and groaned shamelessly, knowing that no one was around to see her in her pent-up, frustrated lust, expending it on her jacuzzi jets. The scintilating lights behind her eyes, however, were over all too quickly and the climax subsided, replaced by a juddering sensitivity that made Juan's caress too much to bear. She collapsed against the edge of the hot tub, moving her ass away from the jet. 

"Alone... again..." 

She may have needed the orgasm, but it did nothing to improve her mood. It didn't help that the song 'This Christmas' by Shoes had begun playing as the cumming ended. When it finally felt like her legs would work again, she turned around and slumped into a corner of the tub, as far from Juan as possible. 

Ginny stayed still for some time, until her feet and fingers felt that annoying level of pruny that made everything awful to touch. With the heat of the water and all the alcohol she'd drunk, she was feeling rather light-headed, so she turned off the stereo and shut off the lights. She found a plate of her fucked-up and burnt gingerbread cookies and left them on a table near the fireplace along with the jug of nog before beginning to head upstairs to bed. 

"Yeah. Fuck this day. And fuck tomorrow too. Maybe if I stay drunk enough it'll just fly by. Fuck Christmas." 

The second floor was an open space in the middle, looking down onto the main floor. A set of stairs led up on either side and the bedrooms were spaced around the gallery. She'd loved the design when she bought it, but this only increased her frustration when no one ever came to visit. 

"Gorgeous fucking house... ten acres of beautiful nature filled with deer and ugly-ass wild turkeys... a fucking pond people could skate on... shit, I even found a patch of landrace back there! What's not to love about my new home? Why aren't people shitting themselves in jealousy?" 

She reached the master bedroom, sighing at how big it felt since she had no one to share it with. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her naked body and sighing. She was trim and fit, with nicely-sized boobs, she kept her pussy shaved smooth and her full lips were simply made to suck cock. Her skin was fair and even and her dark brown hair was long enough to pull on if you were fucking her ass or taking her from behind. So what the hell was wrong? 

The bed was certainly big enough for two (or maybe her and two guys who didn't mind getting close), but she plunked herself down into it and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the room to stop drunk-spinning. It took longer than she wanted it to, but things finally slowed down an she breathed deeply. 

She reached over with her hand and fumbled around inside the drawer of the nightstand. She finally withdrew an elegant glass dildo, a barely opaque white with bright red stripes curling around it to simulate a candy cane. It had been a Christmas gift from Claire, who had jokingly given it to her until she found a man for herself. 

That bitch. 

"Well, Frosty," she sighed, examining him. "Looks like it's you and me tomorrow. I promise to not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or get more booze, okay? Because I'm here for you..." 

And with that she kissed the dildo and put it aside. She turned out her lamp and sighed deeply as she lay in the dark, waiting for sleep to take her. 

"Fuck Christmas..." 

*** 

A noise from downstairs. Her eyes snapped open. She was sure she'd heard something. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself, reasoning that she'd been drunk and it might just be hangover noises. 

Maybe just something like branches scraping on the roof or across the walls? 

Ginny felt a flush of anger and slowly rose, getting out of bed and putting on a plush yellow robe. There were definitely sounds downstairs. She grabbed her rape whistle and her high-school field hockey stick off the wall before quietly opening the door and proceeding out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with fear and anger. How dare someone invade her house? And in this fucking weather! 

"Burglars? Ruffians? Escaped cons?" 

"Well, at least if they see you they might have their way with you and break your dry spell." 

She shook the vile notion from her head, wondering where the hell that'd come from. Could she be that desperate to get laid? 

Ginny walked as quietly as she could, hearing noises on the roof. Raccoons? Looking to get in from the cold? 

Fucking trash pandas. 

She rounded the corner of the gallery and put her foot on the top step, her hockey stick ready. She crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises. They seemed to be coming from her living room. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to identify anything that might be amiss. 

Then she saw him- a symphony of red trimmed in white, the huge ass swaying back and forth as the intruder was bent over her at the base of her Christmas tree, doing God only knows what to it. He seemed to be humming to himself. 

She walked up silently until she was maybe ten feet away from him, her hockey stick over her shoulder, ready to swing. He didn't hear her or took no notice of her. 

"I don't want to hurt you," she growled through clenched teeth. "But you'd best get the fuck out of my house or I'll hit you so hard Google won't be able to find you." 

The person in red paused in their activities and then stood up slowly. After another moment's pause, they stood up and turned around slowly. He was slightly taller than average and quite a bit fatter than societal norms allowed. He had a fat face with dancing blue eyes and red cheeks. Beneath the tapered red hat was long, silvery-white hair and a very full beard and moustache. The intruder looked at her and grinned. 

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked with a voice that could only be described as jolly. 

Ginny said nothing. She seemed to be rooted to the spot. She wanted to say something, anything, but she seemed to have been robbed of the power of speech. 

"W- who..." she finally managed to stammer. 

"Yes, Virginia," the visitor said quietly but pleasantly in a soothing voice. "There really is a Santa Claus." 

She blinked and shook her head, trying to articulate a coherent thought. The big man in red chuckled, clearly amused by her predicament. 

"Your egg nog was very good," he mentioned as he walked forward a little. "Your cookies needed a little work, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe a cookbook next year?" 

"Stay still!" she snapped, suddenly coming out of her stupor and holding the hockey stick behind her head as if she was winding up for a hit. "I'll deck you, old man!" 

"Oh, there's no need for that," he said cheerfully, totally unconcerned by her threat. "It's been a rough year for you, hasn't it, Ginny?" 

"Why do you know my name?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. 

"Of course I know it," the man claiming to be Santa said jovially. "I'd be pretty lousy at my job if I didn't, right?" 

"If you're really Santa," she said tightly, still not understanding why she hadn't knocked this guy's head off his shoulders yet. "Then what was I doing the night of October seventeenth last year?" 

He tilted his head to the side a little and pursed his lips. "Are you sure?" 

"C'mon, you haven't got all day." 

"Very well," he said, sighing. "You were sitting in McPhearson's Pub, waiting vainly for Greg from IT to show up, because you'd given him a blowjob in the bathroom earlier that day and promised him more. But he went off with Becky from Accounts that night instead of meeting up with you." 

She blushed furiously at the memory. "I... that wasn't the day I meant! I meant the sixteenth!" 

He shrugged. "You had the day off and were really frustrated. You slid a condom over that very field hockey stick and used it on yourself, just to see what it was like." 

Ginny dropped the stick very suddenly. "How the hell do you know that, you perv?" 

The man shrugged. "I know all about you, Ginny. And every other boy and girl in the wor-" 

"Don't give me that horseshit!" she hissed, glaring at him. "I had too many Christmases where I didn't get what I want to buy into that cockamamie story!" 

"Well, you weren't exactly the most exemplary child, were you?" he reasoned. "I mean, you weren't horrible, it's not like you were out kicking puppies into woodchippers, but you spent more time in the naughty column that the good column, didn't you?" 

"What did I ever do that was so naughty?" she demanded hotly, her fists bunched up at her sides. 

"You and your brother could get rather friendly, couldn't you?" the man calling himself Santa pointed out. 

She faltered for a moment. "Lots of siblings play doctor. And those atomic booty bombs where I kept jumping in the air and landing on him were just playful." 

"While naked?" Santa asked, raising a bushy white eyebrow. 

Ginny blushed. 

"But that wasn't what landed you on the naughty list," he added. "What got you blacklisted was that you lied about doing your homework or cleaning your room while you were messing around with your brother. Your mom and dad would ask you to do your math and you'd slip away to play doctor instead and tell them you'd finished your homework after. Lying is naughty, right?" 

"Whoah, hold the phone here," she said loudly, holding her head as if she was suddenly dizzy from a revelation. She didn't seem to notice that her robe had opened slightly, exposing her cleavage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fibbing to my parents kept me from getting the gifts I wanted?" 

"Were the rules unclear?" Santa asked. "I thought the songs on the subject were so easy to follow." 

Ginny pinched her eyes in exasperation and then scowled at him. "I'm drunk," she concluded, trying to convince herself none of this was real. "I'm drunker than Sarah Palin and you're not really here. I'm still in bed and this is all bullshit." 

Santa shrugged. "I was putting stuff under your tree until you arrived and enjoying the nog. I won't mind if you go back to bed." 

"No, you're not getting off that easily," she said in annoyance. "You broke into my house in the middle of the storm of the fucking century and I want answers, dammit!" 

He shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask away." 

Her eyes narrowed again. "Aren't you on kind of a time crunch? Unless I'm the last person on your delivery list, don't you still have a shit ton of houses to visit? Say, a few hundred million?" 

He waved it off. "I've got it covered, I promise. I have all the time in the world for you, Ginny. I always have." 

"What, so you sub-contract out?" she said snidely. "Got FedEx making the rounds for you? Or maybe your 'Elves'?" She mentioned the last bit with air quotes. 


Miracle on RR34 Ch. 01



"Goodness, this has been a bad year for you, hasn't it?" he said sympathetically. "But to answer your question, I am capable of being many places at once." 

"Oh, so now you're the Kwizatz-Haderach?" she asked archly. 

"Hey, it's not just cinnamon I put in my Christmas cider." Santa chuckled. "It's rather complicated to explain." 

"So do you, like, clone yourself?" she asked, her guard seeming to slowly come down. 

"No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "It involves Cherenkov Radiation, a Holmes field, a Gellar field and, to quote a friend of mine, 'a lot of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey... stuff.'" 

"So it's some sort of deep quantum shit?" she asked, her body finally relaxing. 

He nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's very temporal and quantum. I can be many places at once. It's why I don't have to pay for billions in window repairs every year by going supersonic around the world." 

"So even while you're talking to me, you're delivering presents?" she asked, the sheer depth of the conversation hitting her now. She walked over to a stool and sat on it. 

"Like I said, it's difficult to explain without breaking out the chalkboard and calculator," he answered. "The mangnetic lines between the poles help, especially the one that emanates from the Fortress of Solitude." 

Ginny blinked. "Fortress of Solitude? As in Superman? You're friends with Superman?" 

"Of course not!" the jolly man laughed. "There's no such thing as Superman, silly, he's a comic book character. Had you going, though." 

"Holy shit, Santa's a troll," she exclaimed, looking at him in bewliderment. "Well, okay, let's assume that this is all real and not a vivid hallucination resulting from a brain tumor. If I've been such a brat all these years, how do I make up for it? How do I get off the naughty girl list?" 

"Well, a little restraint would be a start," Santa suggested. "I'm not saying go out and become a Carthusian nun or a Buddhist priestess or anything, but you might try laying off the rampant promiscuity." 

"Why is that so bad?" she demanded. "What's so wrong with wanting to get banged?" 

"Nothing," he said simply. "But inevitably you get yourself into some kind of weird situation and end up lying your behind off and lying is a naughty thing to do. So try keeping your legs bolted together a little more." 

"Really..." she said, clearly not impressed. "Celibacy lessons from Santa Claus. Now I've heard everything." 

"According to my report here and speaking frankly, it's taken guys a lot less attractive than me a lot less effort to get you out of your clothes." Santa mentioned. 

"This coming from a guy who could clearly use a few P90-X sessions!" she shot back hotly, standing up, her robe opening further as she stomped toward him. 

He looked down at himself for a moment and guffawed. "Oh, right, I keep forgetting about that... hang on..." 

The man held his hands out to his sides and began to glow. The luminous display lit up the room progressively and Ginny held her hand in front of her face when it became too bright to look at for several seconds. When the light finally died away, leaving them once again in the softly lit living room, Ginny gaped in shock at what she saw. 

He was tall, powerfully built, with chiseled muscles, an eight pack and flawless, healthy skin. He'd removed his coat but the red pants remained, stretched tight over muscular thighs. Long, wavy, copper-coloured hair fell past his shoulders and the full beard was reddish-gold. The sapphire-blue eyes stared down at her, still glittering with mirth. 

"Holy Jesus on a pogostick..." she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. "You're a total lumbersexual..." 

"This is what I really look like," he said, spreading his hands out to the sides and showing her his body. His chest rippled as the muscles flexed with the motion. "But kids react to the fat old man disguise better." 

"I'll bet mothers don't," she murmured, coming forward as if compelled and reaching out to touch his chest and washboard abs. "It's like you're Photoshopped." 

He smiled as her hands caressed his abs. "You make me want to not get off the naughty list." 

"I think I know what you really want for Christmas..." he said slyly. 

Ginny paused and looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" 

"No, I can't lie." the man in red pants replied. 

"I thought it was Superman who couldn't lie." 

"Well, the writers had to get that idea from somewhere, I guess." Santa mused. "In any event, if you want, you could end up on the good girl list by being rather naughty." 

She stared at him. "So... get laid by Santa for Christmas?" 

He shrugged. "There might be some other goodies in the bag for you, but I think we both know what Ginny really wants and needs for Christmas." 

"This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!" she thought to herself, wrestling with her sensibilities. "If this is all just a dream, then I can fuck hunky Santa and have no regrets. If this is real, I can fuck sexy Santa and remember it in the morning! It's win-win!" 

"Well, this is super-easy," she declared. "Santa, I want you to fuck my brains out for Christmas." 

"With pleasure, Ginny!" he said, laughing merrily. "Whatever you like, however you want it. I have to keep the kiddies happy." 

"Good, but just don't say 'kiddies' anymore, because that's kinda creepy," she said, throwing her caution to the wind. She knelt down in front of him, putting her hands on the oversized silver belt buckle and undoing it. Letting it drop, she put her fingers on the front of his pants, caressing them over the crotch. Her mouth went dry. "That'd better not be a secondary present sack you're teasing me with..." 

Ginny hooked her fingers into the top of the velvety pants and pulled them down, revealing his manhood. She drew in her breath slowly, her eyes widening. 

"Jesus," she muttered. "You're hung like a fat kid's Christmas stocking..." 

"Thanks, I make due." Santa said cheerfully, watching her admire his cock. 

"By the way, shouldn't I call you something else?" she asked, looking up at him while her hand reached up to take his huge shaft, wrapping around it, barely. "I mean, most people call you Santa Claus, but isn't your name Nick or Kris or something?" 

He shrugged again, grinning. "Nick, Kris, Klaus, Pelznickel, Joulupukki, Kanakaloka, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Swiety Mikolaj, Hoteiosho, Jultomten, I don't mind, Ginny. I just like hearing you say my name the way you think of me." 

"Mmmmm, Santa..." she replied, smiling as she stroked her hand along his shaft, eyeing it hungrily. How the hell was she going to fit that all in her mouth, forget her aching cunt? 

"Ah, don't use that word," he chided, holding up a finger. "Some words are still naughty, even when you're an adult." 

"Stay out of my mind then, creeper." Ginny said as she leaned forward and swirled her tongue around the fat head of his cock. She flicked it around the tip and then slowly took it inside her mouth, tongue rolling against it. 

"The hell? How can his dick taste like mint?" 

"Just wait til you taste my cum." Santa said, leering. 

"Fine, but it better not taste like turkey gravy or we're gonna box." Ginny said as she pulled her mouth back for a moment. She pumped her hand gently along the shaft, studying her quarry intently. It was definitely the biggest cock she'd ever taken on, and the best-tasting. She'd been experiencing trippy magic all evening, maybe she could fit this monster in her mouth this one night... 

She put the head back in her mouth and relaxed, slowly pushing down the shaft. She moaned as she felt him slide to the back of her mouth and then to her throat. She felt him tremble and lay a huge but gentle hand on the back of her head. 

"Holy shit... I'm deep-throating Santa Claus..." 

Ginny took a deep breath through her nose and then tried to relax. Her whole body was tingling with excitement and the whole minty cock thing was throwing her off. Her tongue undulated along the underside of his shaft while the fingers of one hand formed a ring around the base of his cock and the other cupped his balls, fondling them. 

Ginny was proud of her cocksucking skills and if there was anyone she ever needed to impress with them (aside from her 11th Grade math teacher), it was probably Santa. She calmed herself and began pulling her mouth back along his length, humming and letting her lips vibrate softly on his sensitive skin. 

"Now I know why Mister Bondi gave you that A in math," Santa chuckled. "You're a very naughty girl, Virginia." 

"Mmmmm, only for you, Santa baby..." she cooed as she pulled her mouth off his cock long enough to respond, stroking slowly and swirling her tongue around the head again. She then slid back down the entire length, moaning in pleasure. She could feel her nipples getting hard and her pussy was very, very wet beneath her robe. 

Both his hands were on the back of her head now and holding her gently but firmly. She began to slowly bob back and forth, thrilled at how she was able to take this enormous beast of a cock all the way in her mouth. Sure, maybe there was some weird physics involved that compressed space and time or some shit, but she didn't care and he certainly didn't seem to mind. 

"Mmmmmm, very good, Virginia..." he said softly, stroking her hair. No one ever called her Virginia and she didn't know why it gave her a tingle when he did. His cock was very full and very hard now, like a pulsing iron rod covered in mint-flavoured velvet. She almost giggled at the thought of how crazy this all was. She really hoped it wasn't a dream. 

Her thumb began to squeeze along the underside of his cock as her hand followed her mouth up and down his length. The shaft glistened wetly and the mint was making her drool. She undid her robe and let it fall away, the air of the room kissing her flushed skin. Her hands now took hold of his powerful thighs and she began moving back and forth along his cock more quickly. She could feel his hands flexing in her long, dark hair, caressing her skin. 

Breathing through her nose, she moaned as she sucked ardently, her pussy almost aching with desire. She was hoping he would last long enough to fuck her when he went rigid suddenly and groaned, gripping her head tightly and his hips shuddering. Ginny's eyes widened as she felt him began to cum inside her mouth, spurting strongly. She began swallowing hastily, almost in a panic as Santa pumped his hips against her face. 

"Holy shit! Fucking eggnog?" 

He kept cumming and she was sure she might actually drown when he pulled his huge cock out of her mouth and pumped it furiously in his hand, spattering her tits and stomach with his glitening load. She'd never seen so much cum in her life. It tingled on her skin. 

Finally, Santa relaxed, allowing Ginny to put her mouth back around his cock and suck the rest of his cum from him. He was sighing and breathing rather heavily, apparently having enjoyed himself. She eventually released him and smiled up at him wickedly. 

"So," she cooed, winking while she gently pumped his cock with her hand. "Am I back on the good girl list?" 

"Oh, I'd think so," he said, grinned. "But it's not like I've given you your whole present yet." 

"Jeez, you can still go?" she asked almost in disbelief but also delighted. She really needed to be fucked hard now. "Your dick taste like mint, your cum tastes like nog, your ass probably tastes like hot cocoa or nutmeg and you can keep it up all night?" 

"Up all night is kind of my thing, at least once a year." Santa said cheerfully. "So how would you like for me to give you the rest of your present, Virginia?" 

"Well, golly, Santa," she mused, making a show of thinking while she stroked his cock. "Since you seem to be the gift that keeps on giving, how about we just wing it?" 

He nodded and she stood up, keeping hold of his cock and gently led him over to the large chesterfield, hoping it would hold his rather muscular frame. She knelt on it, resting her arms along the raised back and smiled at him, wiggling her behind. She wouldn't believe how wet her pussy was. 

"You gonna hurry down my chimney, Santa-baby?" she asked, smiling slyly. 

"I can't believe you just said that!" he laughed jovially. He may not have been older, fatter Santa, but the laugh still definitely suited him. He stepped up behind her and took gentle hold of her hips. She could feel him press against her ass and she shivered in anticipation. He slid his massive cock up and down between her ass cheeks, teasing her until she was writhing in desperation. He seemed to know instinctively what she loved most. 

Which only made sense since he was Santa. 

"Ready, Virginia?" he asked as he pressed the huge mushroom head against her sticky pussy. She nodded eagerly, unwilling to speak. He slid the head in, parting her lips and penetrating her. She groaned loudly as he began to stretch her inner walls. With a slow, steady push of his hips, he pushed the entire length of his cock deep inside her. It robbed her of her breath- she'd never felt so full in her life, even that one time she'd been so horny she'd fucked her parent's bedpost. 

"Ah... uh..." she gasped, eyes wide. The sensations were like nothing she'd ever experienced. His cock completely filled her to a delightful stretch that didn't hurt except in the good way. His iron shaft throbbed in time with her heartbeat. It was wonderfully warm but also strangely cool all at once, tingling, like mint again. 

How the hell could her cunt taste peppermint? 

"Language, Virginia..." he chided again as he pressed in just a little bit further. By right his cockhead should have bruising her brainstem, but there was no doubt some weird phsyicis shit involved that she decided not to think about. She was getting fucked by Santa, after all. 

She pressed her forehead against the back of the couch and tried squeezing her pussy around his titan cock or pressing back against him, squirming her ass against his hips. She shuddered in delight, loving how he felt inside her. His hands reached under her body and squeezed and massaged her breasts, sending delicious thrills through her. 

He began to move slowly back and forth, pulling back until just the tip was inside her and pushing in steadily, almost robbing her of breath. She began to feel like a blacksmith's bellows very quickly. The feel of his cock sliding inside her, stretching her and touching deep inside in ways she hadn't known were possible... 

"Ohmygod..." she gasped, fingers digging into the back of the couch. "You're tearing me apart and I love it..." 

"Only the best for my Virginia," he said, his ruddy cheeks taking on a flush tone as he fucked her. Her fingers squeezed the meat of her thighs and hips or flexed on her ass cheeks. His heavy balls slapped against her pussy as he drove inside her. Strong yet gentle, forceful and commanding yet accomodating. She felt dominated yet exalted somehow. 

His hand wrapped in her hair and she groaned loudly as he pulled on it, craning her neck. She shuddered in pleasure, feeling her spine almost accordion as he thrust inside while pulling her head back. Her could feel the pulse of his cock through her whole body. Her nails scratched along the couch, almost clawing it. 

"Gnnnnnn, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard..." she wailed, feeling the sweat forming on her skin. "Oh mygawwwwwwwwwwd..." 

"You're going to make me cum hard too," he panted, thrusting deep inside, thumping his hips against her ass. "You feel wonderful and tight, Virginia..." 

"Oh, God, he's gonna cum in me..." she realized. "Santa's gonna fucking cum in me and he's not wearing anything! Will my birth control work? Shit, will my kids always smell like mint?" 

"Oh, God, cum in me!" she panted, thrusting herself back against him and grinding shamelessly. "Fucking cum in me, Santa!" 

"Y'want me to cum in you?" he hissed, his body beginning to tremble. It felt like his cock was getting bigger inside her. "Want my cum in you?" 

"God, yes!" Ginny squeaked, clenching her teeth. "Fucking cum in me and make me scream!" 

They strained against one another desperately and then she cried out as a massive orgasm crashed over her. It battered her senses as she felt his hot-yet-tingly-cool cum bathing her insides relentlessly. Her pussy was making greedy sucking sounds as she came, her whole body shuddering almost uncontrollably. She squeezed and clenched and rippled her tight tunnel round him, reveling in the way he stretched and penetrated her ever more deeply. 

She collapsed against the chesterfield, panting heavily, her body drenched in sweat. His massive, hard cock was still deep inside her, pinning her to him. She felt like she was made of lead, an exquisite exhaustion while pleasure crawled over her languidly. That was beyond anything she had ever experienced. 

But he didn't seem to be done with her. His powerful hands took hold of Ginny and turned her around so she was squatting on the couch, her knees spread wide and her arms slung across the high back. She looked up at him in weary astonishment as he nestled himself between her legs and pressed his cock against her sopping pussy again. 

"Auuuuuuuuuugh!" she wailed as he slid deep inside her again, his huge cock splitting her wide. Her nails dug into the couch again and she clenched her teeth as she sucked in her breath. Ginny tried to regulate her breathing while Santa began sliding in and out slowly, looking down at her with those penetrating blue eyes. 

"Jesus," she grunted, feeling almost like a rag doll in his hands, which gripped her hips. "Gonna fucking kill me with that thing!" 

"Oh, let's hope not," he replied, thrusting into her strongly. "I'm nowhere near done with you." 

She gazed up at him, trembling as he fucked her good and hard. She bit her lip as he squeezed her thighs, before moving his hands up to squeeze her breasts, piching her nipples. She groaned shamelessly as the delicious sting electrified her senses. She tried to squeeze herself around him, baffled by how big he felt inside her. 

She gasped and whimpered as he slapped her pussy lightly. She reached forward and raked her nails over his powerful chest, leaving red marks along the defined muscles. She ground her hips against him wantonly, thrilling to the look of pleasure on this face. 

"Gnnn, fuckin' wreck me..." she gasped, feeling another massive climax building inside her. "Make me cum on that beautiful cock, Santa!" 

"I'll take 'Things Virginia Never Thought She'd Ever Hear Herself Say' for a thousand, Alex!" he laughed. He reached down and took her ass her hands and pulled her closer, smiling warmly yet wickedly into her eyes as she sank further onto his cock, which penetrated her to the deepest depths yet. She could feel the head pressing against her womb. It didn't hurt, but she felt fuller and more strectched than ever. 

She felt him squeeze her ass cheeks while he thrust into her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight, bumping up and down on his powerful thighs. She moaned loudly and bit his shoulder, trying not to shriek. She tried to squeeze herself around him again, finding that she could barely control her muscles, let alone fuck. 

She bit down as the warmth spread through her, tears of pleasure in her eyes. He thumped his hips against her even more strongly and they strained against one another. Then he growled and released himself, pumping her once again full of his tingling cum. She shuddered and cried out loudly, her head spinning from the unreal ecstasy. Crushing herself to him, Ginny held on desperately, like a ship battered by an unrelenting storm. 




Miracle on RR34 Ch. 01



They both slumped onto the couch, breathing heavily. She felt small and almost cocooned in his embrace. She was covered in a heavy sheen of sweat and could feel the thrilling tingle of his cum trickling out of her pussy. It wouldn't be a stain on her couch, it was a mark of honour. Their hearts pounded in rhythm as the orgasm passed over them and slowly flowed away. 

"Holy shit..." she whispered, her body still limp in his arms. "I think you've ruined me for sex. I should be mad..." 

"You have to admit, it makes sense that I'm better at gift-giving than anyone else on the planet." Santa reasoned, smiling and stroking her hair while she sat in his lap. "I'd say you were a little pent up there." 

"Mild understatement," she moaned, finally raising her head and smiling up at him. "Thank you, first of all. That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." 

"I aim to please," he said cheerfully, caressing his thumb across her cheek and enjoying the shining look in her eyes. "Kinda my thing, after all." 

"So," Ginny purred, walking to fingers up his broad chest. "Is there a Mrs Claus?" 

He shrugged. "There has been, of course." 

She paused suddenly and looked up at him, hersmile replaced by a deadpan look. "What do you mean, there has been?" 

He seemed somewhat confused by her change in demeanour. "Well, there has been a few in the past, of course- there was Seeki first, then there was Ahoop, followed by Annalina, then Layla, Martha, Juliana, Gretchen and Jessica, Santarina, Kasey, Mary..." 

"I see," she said stonily. "You've had more wives than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands." 

"Well, to be fair, they've been spread over a long period of time." Santa replied. "And they were all special to me." 

"So then I'm not special." Ginny said flatly. 

"Well of course you are," he said, not understanding her mood swing. "You're my Virginia." 

"And Becky down the street is your Becky, and Sarah in the blue house is your Sarah and Hilda in Dusseldorf is your Hilda," she concluded. "Everyone's equally special to you, aren't they?" 

He didn't know what to say. 

"I'm sorry, I'm not being fair," she sighed. "I just... well, I thought maybe this... y'know, tonight, was truly special. And clearly you're not good at lying." 

"Well, no, not at all." Santa agreed, still holding her and wondering how he could comfort her. "I can't lie." 

"Like, literally can't?" she asked, now curious more than anything. "It's part of your genetic makeup that you can't lie?" 

"No, nothing like that," he admitted. "But after spending centuries with kids and teaching them to alway tell the truth, I haven't tried telling a lie in so long I don't even know how to do it." 

"You don't know how to lie?" she mused. 

"If I did, it wouldn't be the least bit believable," he said. "Like, if I said right now that your breath smells wonderful and not like old eggnog and vomit, I somehow doubt you'd believe my lie." 

"No shit," Ginny replied, giving him a stony look. "You're a horrible liar. You've got the subtlety of a cement truck. Good thing you're Santa and don't have to date to charm a girl." 

He held her close, hugging her tight to comfort her. She sighed deeply, still impaled on his hard cock, which showed no sign of abating. 

"God, I can't believe you've still got wood after cumming like a fire hydrant three times," she said, her mood softening. She was having the best sex of her life, she reminded herself not to ruin it by being crazy. "How long can you keep going?" 

He shrugged his muscular shoulders. "How long do you need me to?" 

"Actually, it doesn't surprise me that's your answer." Ginny said, smirking. "If you've got the time, I've got another itch that needs scratching." 

He grinned. "So you haven't broken in that hot tub yet, have you?" 

"Ooh, Santa..." she purred, leaning in and biting his earlobe. "Like you don't make me wet already." 

He picked her up and carried her toward the jacuzzi, deftly turning it on with his foot and bringing it rumbling to life. He stepped down into the churning water, setting her one of the seats. As he stood up, she leaned forward and hungrily took his enormous cock into her mouth, sucking ardently. She moved forward and knelt in the water, her hands on his hips again or stroking his balls. 

He picked her up bodily and turned her upside. Ginny squeaked in surprise at first but found his hips in front of her and began sucking again on his tool without delay. He buried his face in her pussy, tongue snaking deep inside her and she groaned gutturaly, Holding her in place with one powerful hand, her teased her taint and then pressed a finger into her ass. 

"Jesus!" she gasped, almost choking on his cock as he wormed the finger down into her tight tunnel. "Oh, fuck! Your finger is bigger than some dicks I've fucked!" 

She attacked his cock again eagerly, bobbing back and forth like her life depended on it. She squirmed in his grip as he lashed her pussy with his tongue and fingered her ass. Her fingernails dug into his thighs and her knees locked around his neck. His cock throbbed in her mouth, still thrilling her with its unique and incredible taste. 

He turned her around again and paid her on the edge of the hot tub, spreading her legs wide. She looked on wantonly as he pushed his tongue back inside her again. He gripped her thighs to hold her in place and she groaned and squirmed, squeezing her breasts and pulling on her nipples. Her breath came in ragged gasps as he drove her to the limit of her sensations. Ginny shook and thrashed as she cried out loudly, cumming on his face. He didn't let up, lapping at her essence eagerly. 

She lay like a dead thing for several seconds before her chest began to rise and fall. Her eyes opened, gazing back at him. She couldn't feel her limbs, just floating on a tingling ocean of deep colours. Santa looked up at her and smiled, pulling his tongue out of her pussy and kissing her clit gently. She shivered at the touch. 

"One hole left, Santa," she breathed, her body glistening. "Got any left in you to perfect my Christmas?" 

"Always for you, Virginia." Santa said warmly, standing and raising her gently into a sitting position. He settled down into the water on one of the seats and then pulled her onto his lap, facing away from him. She moved her hips around until she found his rock-hard cock, waiting for her. She placed her puckered knot against it, giggling as she thought about what he was about to do to her. She took his shaft in her hand and held it steady while she sank down, very slowly. 

Ginny gasped and shivered as the head pushed aside the tight ring of muscle, popping inside her. Then she sighed as she lowered herself, feeling his massive dick stretching her tight tunnel wide. God, she felt so full it was unreal. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her ass cheeks pressed to his lap. He was all the way inside her ass and her held her closed as she settled back against him, purring in sensual pleasure. 

"Mmmm, it's never felt this good in my ass before," she said softly, her arms reaching back to curl around his neck. She gyrated slowly on his lap, moaning softly. "A gal could get used to this." 

His muscular arms wrapped around her and caressed Ginny's body, massaging her breasts. She loved how she felt pinned to him. She had finally found the measure of her body and began to squeeze her tight ass around his cock. She squirmed in slow circles on his lap, wishing she had some music to fuck him to. 

Her stereo system suddenly came on and began playing 'It's Cold Outside'. She giggled and squeezed his neck gently at his thoughtfulness. 

"You think of everything, don't you?" she purred, lost in her pleasure. "I can't wait to make you cum again." 

He smiled wickedly and pulled gently on her nipples, causing her to groan at the welcome sting. She pressed her ass back into his lap, squeezing again around his throbbing shaft. The water bubbled and churned around her waist, the heat leaving her skin shining. She began to pant as she moved her hips faster, stopping the circular motions and started to move up and down, his cock sliding in and out of her. 

Santa took hold of her hips and let her bounce on his lap. Ginny leaned forward, gasping as she fondled her breasts, overcome with a liquid heat as his cock impaled her faster and faster. Water splashed around them as the fucking took on an almost frantic pace. Ginny had never felt anything in her ass like this before, nothing even close to this good. She could very easily become an addict. 

"Gnnn, fuck!" she grunted, slamming her ass down on him while one hand snaked down and began massaging her pussy and clit. His hands steadied her and helped moved her up and down. She could feel his hips trembling beneath her, his fingers flexing and squeezing her skin. 

Her panting became a long, drawn-out keening. She clenched her teeth, shuddering and straining as she tried to prolong the fucking... 

Ginny screamed and pushed herself back against his massive chest violently, thrashing as she clenched his cock inside her ass while he came. His cream flooded inside her, the unreal hot-cool tingling transporting her. He growled in her ear, almost crushing her commparatively tiny frame against himself. 

She collapsed, utterly exhausted, her chest rising and falling as the world spun around her. She felt him holding her gently, caressing her body in unique ways that seemed to... regulate her blood flow and nerve sensations, making the post-orgasmic bliss she was feeling last as long as possible. She felt herself smile and hum at his consideration, understanding this this is who he was and what he was meant to do. 

Ginny then did something she almost never did during sex- she leaned her head back, pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply and with great affection. She held it for as long as she could and then sank back into his embrace, sighing in contentment. 

"Wish you were advertising for a Mrs Claus at the moment," she said softly. "I could get used to this." 

"I like things the way they are," he replied, hugging her. "Every year I get to reward you for being a good girl. What could be better than that?" 

"True, I guess," Ginny agreed. "I'm only human, all this sex could kill me." 

"Hey, I'm human too, you know," he chuckled. "Just because I'm immeasurably older than you and subject to quantum laws even my smartest elf couldn't explain doesn't mean I'm a member of some other species." 

"Okay, that's fair, although I'd still fuck you if you were an alien or some extra-dimensional being." Ginny admitted. "You've come in me a lot tonight, daddy. Do I need to-" 

"No," he said cheerfully. "I'm not sterile, but you can't get pregnant unless I decide you will and I've never allowed it." 

"I wonder what a Santa kid would be like," she mused. "More like you or the mom?" 

"No idea," he confessed. "There's not exactly a manual, so I've never taken a chance." 

She slowly leaned forward and began to rise, shivering as she slid off his long cock and it popped out of her. She knelt and turned around to face him, not sure she could stand yet, looking up at his still hard member and giggled, pressing her finger against the head. 

"Well, I think you can take him off duty, sir," she said sweetly. "I'm pretty sure that I'm all fucked out for the night, if not the whole season." 

He chuckled and let his cock soften, looking into her eyes and caressing his cheek. "Hopefully that was what you needed for Christmas." 

"Definitely, Santa." Ginny said, giggling. "Is it greedy to want the same present again next year?" 

"No at all," he replied, grinning. "It cuts down on elf-labour hours if I can give people a gift mys-" 

Santa paused in speaking, going silent and looking around, as if listening for something. Neither of them touched the controls, but the motor for the jets turned off and all that could be heard was the howling roar of the winter storm outside. Ginny looked at him in confusion, wondering why his features hardened and a scowl crossed his normally jovial face. 

"That's no storm," he said in a low, growling voice. "Not a regular one, anyway." 

"What does that mean?" she asked, his reaction worrying her for reasons she couldn't readily explain. What the hell was a 'not regular' storm, according to Santa, or anyone else for that matter? He stood up and strode out of the hot tub, taking her by the hand and pulling her out with him. Their naked bodies glistened with water but this was the farthest thing from her mind. 

"What's going on?" she asked, his consternation beginning to frighten her now. She watched as he tossed her the robe she'd been wearing earlier and then started pulling on his pants and sturdy black boots. "It's just a winter storm! Isn't it?" 

"I wish that were true," he replied, his expression grim. "Listen to me very carefully, Virginia. I'll need you to follow me instructions precisely. Do you understand?" 

She nodded. "Okay, but-" 

"Good," he said, cutting her off, his eyes flashing. "It's very important to your safety." 

"Can you at least tell me what's happening?" she pleaded. 

"Krampus." Santa muttered darkly as he wrapped bright red straps around his wrists, tightening them. "I should've been more careful." 

"What's Krampus?" she asked, going pale and she paused in putting on her robe, one of her breasts hanging out. 

"Krampus isn't a what, Krampus is a who," he said, his eyes scanning the layout of her expansive living room. "He's also called Black Pete in some places and legend says he's supposed to be my evil henchman who punishes wicked children." 

"I take it that's not true, then?" she asked, looking around like he did, wondering what he was searching for. 

"Not even close," he growled. "Pardon my French, but Krampus is an evil sonofabitch. He was, at one time long ago, my dedicated helper, but he turned down the path of darkness, becoming twisted and diabolic. Forget punishing children, he wants to destroy Christmas, like it never happened." 

"What's that got to do with us here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Can he reach us in this storm?" 

"This storm is his doing, I recognize it now," Santa said, striding over to his huge Christmas bag and beginning to rummage in it. "A massive storm always precedes his arrival. It can be mistaken for a regular winter storm if you're not paying attention." 

She swallowed. "So what does Kringus-" 

"Krampus." 

"What does he want here?" 

"He wants to destroy me," he said, tossing various toys and items out of the bag as he searched for something. "He used this regional winter storm of yours to cover his approach. Clever, for him." 

"We should call for help!" she said, shaking with fear. "Can't you- can't you call the Easter Bunny or something?" 

He paused his searched and turned to look at her, clearly bemused. "There's no such thing as the Easter Bunny, Virginia. What kind of rosy fantasy world do you live in?" 

He went back into the back and found what he was looking for. He turned around and tossed her something. "Here, take this but do not use it unless I tell you to." 

She caught the object and gaped at it in astonishment. "A nerf gun? Are you serious?" 

"You said you trust me, just take my word for it, okay?" he said firmly. He then stopped rummaging and stood up, taking several deep breaths, rotating his shoulders and wrists and cracking his knuckles. 

"Don't you- don't you need a weapon too?" she asked, watching him in concern, holding her nerf gun tight. Even though the room was already only dimly lit for ambiance, it seemed to be growing darker, the howling of the storm louder.  

"I don't need a weapon." Santa answered, his blue eyes glinting with determination and his muscles rippling as he limbered his body. "Let's hope I don't anyway." 

He pointed to the long wall with no windows. "Stand by your stereo system and do absolutely nothing until I tell you, okay? I cannot stress that enough, Virginia. Stay where I can see you and stay still away from any windows." 

She nodded and assumed her position, waiting quietly, her eyes wide with fear and all post-coital bliss drained from her, replaced by jolts of cortisol and andrenaline. She looked around herself nervously, the awful howl of the wind outside louder than ever. 

Then it subsided, followed by a deafening silence that was even more unnerving than the storm. 

"Damn," Santa muttered, his fists clenching. "He didn't come alone..." 

Ginny barely had time to register what he was saying before glass shattered and wooden walls splintered, followed by shouts and inhuman hisses. Ginny screamed in terror as dark shapes leapt into her house. 

And then all Hell broke loose. 

*** 

End of Part I 

Author's Notes: Someone asked me to write a funny and erotic Christmas tale, but since I can't be normal, it is taking on a radical twist that I hope people will find amusing. I've tried to make Santa awesome but also give him some flaws that the ladies will find both charming and irksome all at once. 

I wasn't going to call it anything lame like 'Here Cums Santa Claus' (in spite of my love of Elvis) so I eventually settled on ripping off a classic and beloeved Christmas movie, naming it 'Miracle On Rural Road 34'. Couldn't help myself with the 'Yes, Virginia' quip, of course. As for Superman, Oatmeal and the Easter Bunny, well, get used to more groaners like that, because I like them. 

I'm determined to finish this probably three-part story by Decmeber 25th for obvious reasons, which means a few of my other stories will be on hold briefly. Don't throw temper tantrums about me starting new stories (some people have, I'm not kidding, they left really nasty reviews) unless you plan to pay me to work on the story you like. I love all my stories and plan to get back to them. Just let me knock this one out first, okay? 

Merry ho-ho and keep your stick on the ice! 

- Management



Miracle on RR34 Ch. 02



Disclaimer: All characters portrayed indulging in sexual activity are 18 chronological years of age or older. Any resemblance between these fictional characters and actual people is completely intentional and meant for parody. Reviews are welcome, flames will be snickered at. 

This was done as a request for someone and it's dedicated to them. They know who they are. 

*** 

Chapter 2- Yes, Virginia, There Really Is A War On Christmas 

"Holy shit! What the hell is going on?! Is this really happening in my house?!" 

Ginny watched in shock as some dark shadow crashed through her bay window. The invader tumbled and splashed into her hot tub, thrashing about as he tried to regain his footing. Ginny shrieked in fright as more figures tumbled in after him. Another one burst through the far wall, some kind of weapon in his hand. 

The lights were still out but the big room seemed even dimmer somehow, as if a living shadow had a stranglehold over the place. Dark shapes swarmed through the un-light, seemingly human in form, but she couldn't really be sure. 

Then he lunged past her, his massive frame almost a blur of motion, his golden-red hair and beard gleaming in the reflected light of the snow outside. Her eyes, wide with fright, now looked on in astonishment as he crashed into a knot of the intruders, his huge fists lashing out. One invader was knocked backwards, hurtling into the opposite wall with a resounding crunch, although whether that was the stone masonry of her wall or his bones giving way she couldn't tell readily. She dared not think about it. 

Santa spun around and drove his elbow into the back of another intruder. The vertabrae give way with a sickening crack and he went down. Without losing his momentum, the hulking harbinger of Christmas cheer lashed out savagely with his foot, the toe of the heavy black boot catching another foe under the chin and snapping his head back. The dark shape crumpled to the floor. 

"Jesus!" Ginny shouted in horror. 

"Virginia, don't take the Lord's name in vain!" Santa called out in a stern voice while he whirled about in a bloody orgy of violence. "Do you want to end up back on the Naughty List?" 

"How can you be thinking about that at a time like this?!" she exclaimed, staying flat to the wall, her eyes, wide in fright. 

"I'm always thinking about that sort of thing," he explained as he wrestled an intruder into a headlock while looking at her. "I'm constantly aware of-" 

He didn't finish the sentence as another enemy rushed up behind and slammed one of Ginny's chairs across his broad, muscular back, wood splintering as the stylish furniture sent him to the floor. 

"Ow..." he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck while the foe he had in a headlock escaped his grasp. 

"Why the hell did you stop fighting and look at me?!" Ginny shouted almost in exasperation. 

"Because I have to," he responded as his foes piled on top of him, hammering away with their fists. "Whenever one of my kids asks a question I have to give them my full attention and respond! That's how it works!" 

He surged up to his feet, throwing the crowd of assailants away. One foe threw a punch, but Santa grabbed the fist and twisted it over, causing his foe to shout in pain before he slammed his palm directly into the man's sternum, sending him flying while the arm remained firmly in Santa's grip. He then spun and slammed the bloody, disconnected shoulder remains across the head of a man behind him. 

"Oh, gross!" Ginny gasped. "Why would you do that?!" 

"Because I want to live?" he called back as he rammed his knee into another foe's chest, doubling him over before gripping and wrenching his neck with a sickening crunch. "I really need to concentrate here!" 

"Sorry!" Ginny said hastily. "I'll try to stop asking questions now!" 

"Much obliged!" Santa replied. In spite of her confusion and terror, Ginny watched in stunned fascination as the wild melee whirled before her- swarmed by foes, Santa fought back with a resolute and cold ferocity, never stopping moving but also tight and controlled in his movements. He stopped attacks and dropped his foes with single blow, doubtless a killing one. 

His fighting style was efficient and... brutal. That's the only way she could describe it. 

"Is that Krav Maga?" she asked. 

"It's not Krav Maga," he said flatly as he rammed his fist into a foe's ribcage. "Trust me on this." 

She yelped as the lights in the room went on and stung her eyes. She then gaped as she looked around her spacious living room. It was already a complete wreck, with the furniture trashed, holes in the wall and ceiling, and snow pouring into the center of the room from the ragged wooden wound above. Even though the room was fully lit, it was hard to focus on the swarming enemies infesting her house. They seemed shadowy, blurred or indistinct. How could that be? 

Someone attacked Santa with a wicked-looking spiked hand-axe, something out of a sci-fi movie. He batted the weapon aside and clapped his open hands across the man's ears, busting his brain. Before he dropped, Santa grabbed the corpse and swung it around in a wide arc, smashing it into the foes surrounding him and knocking them back. 

"Shit!" Ginny squealed as one of the targets landed near her. "It's like the fucking Matrix in here!" 

As he threw the corpse away, he paused very briefly and glanced at her. "Since you happen to be right there, how about a little mood music?" 

"What?!" 

"I'm just saying some music would be nice if we're going to be doing this," he called. "You're next to the entertainment system, how about putting something on?" 

"Youre shitting me, right?!" she almost complained, wincing as she heard something delicate-sounding and expensive smash behind her amidst the wild brawl. She stared at the multimedia system, flapping her arms in frustration as she tried to focus through the noise. This couldn't be happening. She clutched the sleeves of her plush robe for a moment, trying to concentrate on its soft, fuzzy texture and center herself. She'd almost forgotten the large nerf gun in her hands but ignored it now, fixing her gaze on the mp3 playlist. She pressed a button. 

"Silent night... Holy night..." Bing crooned through the room. 

"Not really what I had in mind!" Santa mentioned loudly as he rammed his knee into a man's chin. "Try again!" 

Ginny bit her lip and pressed the button again, this time rewarded with Gary Glitter singing 'Another Rock And Roll Christmas'. 

"Still not quite there," he said as he snapmared another foe. "Better, but not quite!" 

"Well I don't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "What kind of music do you put on while Santa kills things in your living room?!" 

Santa turned sideways and thrust his foot out, kicking an intruder in the chest and sending him sprawling backwards, rolling head over heels until he thumped into the entertainment system, jolting it and skipping the player. 

"I am a bitch. How do you want me? 

From behind, or on my knees? 

I am a slut, please hold me down, 

I'll be your noise, 

This shit will fuck you up!" 

"Perfect!" he declared as he fought, swarmed once again by foes. 

"Seriously?!" Ginny yelled. "Combichrist is Santa's fucking fighting groove?" 

"I'm trying to figure out why you have it on your playlist," Santa replied. "I don't remember you liking aggrotech!" 

"Why the hell do you of all people even know what it is?!" she shot back, wincing as she watched another body sail into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch before dropping to the floor and leaving a huge, crumbling dent in the stone. 

'This Shit Will Fuck You Up!' 

"I prefer the term 'Hellektro' myself," he added. "And I know all songs, silly. I remember when the Dayglo Abortions wrote that 'Hey Santa!' song back in the '80's, they didn't get presents for-" 

"I didn't ask, why are you answering?!" she hissed. "Kill! Kill!" 

All the while, the pounding rhythms of the music filled the room. 

"I am a bitch. How do you want me? 

From behind, or on my knees? 

I am a slut, please hold me down, 

I'll be your noise, 

This shit will fuck you up!" 

"Well, at least we know why it's on your playlist, anyway!" he mentioned as he broke someone's back over his knee. 

"Very funny, red man!" Ginny hissed, scowling. She ducked wildly as another assailant flew overhead and landed in the jacuzzi, his neck slamming against the hard edge with a snap noise and then tilting at a strange angle, his eyes wide and unseeing. 

"Fucking hell," she muttered. "These guys eat too much red meat!" 

Santa smashed two heads together before punting a third man in the chest, sending him staggering back until he fell against the entertainment unit, right next to Ginny, his eyes spiralling in his head. She scowled down at him for a moment before smashing the pitcher of nog on his cranium and sending him to the floor. 

Every single intruder stopped and turned to look at her suddenly, their eyes narrowing and turning very yellow. 

"Eep..." Ginny said quietly, going pale. 

They all howled and lunged toward her, even as Santa fought to reach her first. She shrieked in fright. 

"Darn it, Ginny!" he shouted in what almost sounded like irritation. "I told you not to do anything!" 

"You said not to use the stupid nerf gun!" she shot back as she dodged wildly and began to run around, evading her persuers. 

"I meant don't do anything to get yourself noticed!" he growled as he bulldogged one man's head into the floor. He sprang to his feet and grabbed another man by the back of the head, ramming his face into the stone wall, creating a small crater from which the bodly slumped only slowly and wetly. 

"How the hell did they not notice the mostly naked girl in the room?!" she yelled, sprinting around the circumference of the room, being chased by yellow-eyed foes. 

"They're mostly quantum, they don't always percieve real-state things or beings until they're interacted with!" he answered. "They weren't looking for you until you announced yourself!" 

"Oh, you and your weird physics shit!" she groused, her robe coming more and more undone as she ran. One of her breasts was exposed, bouncing annoyingly and the nipple hardening as a cold wind from the endless holes in her walls and windows blew into the room. "Now what?" 

"Well, since they know you're here, you might as well use the gun," he answered as he tackled a small knot of them who were looking to cut off her avenue of escape. "At least then you can defend yourself if you're careful!" 

"The fuck am I supposed to do?" she shouted angrily as she clutched the ridiculous, useless gun. "Nerf them to death?! Hope I shoot one foam dart down a throat and hope the bastard chokes and dies?!" 

"Didn't you just let me inside all of your orifices?" he pointed out as he spun low, sweeping one foe's feet from under him and then taking him by the ankles to slam him off the floor. "Trust me, Virginia!" 

"Dammit!" she spat, steeling her nerve, hoping her resolve was harder than her nipple currently was. Taking a deep breath, she stopped running and spun, pointing the gun and pulling the plastic trigger... 

She yelped in astonishment as coruscating arcs of lightning crackled and lashed out from the muzzle, enveloping several foes, who wailed in glowing agony before disappearing from view. 

"Jesus H Fucking Tesla!" she exclaimed in amazement as she gaped down at her toy. 

"Virginia, language!" Santa warned. 

She rolled her eyes and pointed at another man rushing her, pulling the trigger and watching him explode in a shower of scintillating particles. 

"This shit will fuck you up!" blared the speakers. 

The wall splintered next to Ginny and several terrifying creatures barged in, causing her to shriek in fright- they were easily Santa's size, vaguely humanoid but covered in a greyish, segemented carapace, with insectoid heads, evil-looking mandibles and huge claws at the end of four arms. They hissed as the lunged for her. 

"Fuckfuckfuck!" cried out as she began running. "Fucking hate motherfucking bugs!" 

She fired wildly behind herself without looking, managing to strike one of the new creatures but only slowing it down. Ginny raced for the stairs, stampeding up them only to find more of the yellow-eyed humanoids waiting for her. 

"Santa!" she cried out in terror. "Help!" 

He glanced her way and grimaced at her predicament. "Aw, hell..." 

With a strength born of the desperation to protect one of his precious children, he surged forward, shoulder-blocking his way through a knot of assailants, springing through the air with astonishing agility, alternately using the wall and railing of the stairs to get to the upper floor, twisting and executing a flying kick that downed a foe about to attack Ginny. 

"Good thing I wore my enhanced parkour boots tonight, eh?" he muttered as he glared at the foes crowding to get up the stairs or down the hallway at them. 

"I don't even know what that means." Ginny snapped, backing up warily as the horde coming for them grew in numbers. "If that's some sort of geek speak, then we- are you getting bigger?" 

"I guess I am," he replied, grimly, glaring at their foes. "I don't expect what I'm saying to make sense, but the other iterations of me, my other selves, they're all coming here, merging with me to help meet the threat." 

"You're... consolidating?" she asked in disbelief. 

"That's one way to look at it," he said, his blue eyes flashing. "It's gonna make finishing the Christmas run tight if I get held up here much longer." 

"Oh, terribly sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, your highness." Ginny said, trying to not sound too snide. He put his body between her and ther foes, backing her up against the wall. 

"They can't come through the wall you're up against, it's the South wall," he said quietly but with a sense of urgency. "You're safe from that angle. You can fire your gun past me or over the rail at the guys down below. Since they're trying to reach you that means they've solidified enough that they can't do crazy things like jump seven meters up to reach you, they'll have to use the stairs." 

"I thought they were after you." Ginny said hotly. 

"They were, until you announced yourself with a jug of nog," he pointed out. "Now they want to destroy you to hurt me." 

"Oh. Sorry." Ginny mumbled somewhat sheepishly. 

"You can make it up to me later!" he said as he surged forward suddenly, bulling his way through the approaching crowd, clotheslining several at once. Shouts went up and the fight was on again. Santa punched, kicked, elbowed, kneed and wrenched his way through the enemy horde. Ginny swore he was indeed bigger than he had been earlier. His already hardbody physique was almost bulging with muscles now, like a California beach bodybuilder. Black blood glistened on his flawless skin as he maimed the attackers. Droplets that hit the carpet sizzled and ate through it, burning the hardwood floor beneath. 

"Noooo!" Ginny wailed in despair. "Not the hardwood! I loved that feature!" 

She glared and gritted her teeth as she leaned over the railing and pointed the nerf gun down at the endless crowd on the main floor, pulling the trigger. The crackling arcs of energy enveloped several foes, who wailed and vanished. Same as before, the giant insectoids rarely disappeared but seemed slowed or staggered by the attack. 

Santa fought his way forward, forcing the attackers back from Ginny. Try as they might, no one got by him, even if it meant that they could strike at him instead. He took their assaults resolutely, using his body as a shield to protect her. Before long, the floor of the hallway was littered with bodies, some barely stirring, others not moving at all. Still, the foes swarmed up the stairs. 

One of the bug-things swiped at him with its vicious claws and he ducked under the blow before kicking his boot into one of the reverse-jointed legs, snapping it. The bug screeched and tumbled and he leapt onto its back, grabbing hold of one of the large, wet-grey chitinous plates that armoured its back and pulled- it tore away with a mushy crack and the beast's keened agony as it shuddered and thrashed. Without pausing, Santa whirled around and slammed the exoskeletal plate across several men's heads, dropping them. 

Ginny kept firing the nerf tesla gun, wondering what sort of sociopath would invent a deadly weapon that looked like a famous kid's toy. She pushed it from her mind, realizing that she wanted to live and didn't care at the moment about the social mores of the issue. Santa was using the huge chitin plate almost like a shield, driving his foes back with it to the stairs. It finally cracked in half and he punched through the mess, unwilling to give the enemy time to regroup. 

He spun one man around with a fist across the jaw before grabbing his arms from behind and ramming his knee into the man's back, lifting him off the floor and letting him slam his spine onto the stairs. Without waiting, Santa launched himself through the air, knee raised and smashed it into the face of a man on the stair's corner landing. The foe's head went back through the wall with a loud crunch and he hung there limply, no longer part of the battle. 

"Ack!" Ginny squawked as the nerf gun sputtered and let out several impotent flashes and then died. "Not now! Nonononononono!" 

One foe had broken through the cordon and now raced toward her. She yelled loudly and smashed the butt of her nerf gun into his face, staggering him for a moment. She glared at him angrily, waiting for him to fall, but her didn't, so she kicked him in the crotch with her instep. He groaned and sunk to his knees, holding himself. Ginny was practically jumping up and down on top of him by the time he stopped moving. 

"Stay... the... fuck... down!" she shouted angrily as she turned his ribcage into powder. 

She failed to notice the one last foe who rushed up behind her. 

But then Santa was at her side and he delivered a devastating haymaker to the man's thorax. Stunned, the intruder staggered back against the railing. With a growl, Santa grabbed him by the face and ruthlessly bent his back over the railing before leaping over and slamming his elbow across the man's neck as he went down to the main floor. The lifeless form crumpled next to him as he looked around, glaring. 

No foes remained standing. Aside from the music, all was quiet. 

"It is safe?" Ginny called from the gallery. "Are the scary guys and bug-thingies all gone?" 

"No," Santa said warily. "And the next wave is even bigger." 

"Great!" Ginny complained, tossing the useless nerf gun over the side. "And according to you, there's no one that can help us!" 

"I didn't say that," he countered, beckoning for her to come down the stairs and be near him for protection. "I just said there was no Easter Bunny." 

"No Superman either, apparently," she grumbled as she approached him, letting him put a huge arm around her possessively. He was, indeed, bigger than ever. She was practically child-sized next to him now. "So who the hell is there to help us?" 

"If help's arriving it had better get here soon," he said, taking her to the remains of her big glass bay windows and back door. The wind was howling as snow drove into the living room. What was left of it, anyway. Which was nothing. "It's now or never. Can you see them?" 

She peered into the darkness outside and a chill ran down her spine- hundreds of red and yellow glowing eyes could be seen in the darkness. And they seemed to be getting closer. 




Miracle on RR34 Ch. 02



"Do... do they see me?" she asked, swallowing nervously. 

"I'm sure they do," he said, grimacing. "Not going to take a chance and assume they don't. I'll do everything I can to protect you, of course." 

"Is... is that going to be enough?" 

She could hear the angry hisses and an evil chanting outside clearly now, getting closer with each moment. It pained Santa that he couldn't lie to her. 

"I don't know, Virginia." 

She sighed and smiled weakly. "Well, at least I know there's a Santa Claus now. And he gave me the night of my life before it all ended." 

He returned the smile, trying to feign a cheerfulness he didn't feel. 

"I don't..." Ginny faltered, trying to find the words. "I don't suppose that you'd... well... that you'd be willing to kiss me one last time? You know, before the end?" 

He turned to look down at her, his hands holding her arms with an unreal gentleness and a warmth in his eyes that comforted her even now. 

"Nothing would make me happier, Virginia." 

She smiled and closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Santa." 

"Merry Christmas, Vigrinia..." he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her. 

Then the night was filled with high-pitched shrieks, a noise that made her eyes snap open. She'd heard noises like that before, once a long time ago in grade school. It sounds like the hissing passage of meteors above, and getting closer. Or what she imagined artillery sounded like when it was incoming, like in all those war movies. 

Santa's head turned and an almost evil grin crept over his face as he listened. "That's more like it!" he declared, standing tall and pointing at the blackness of the night. "Watch the sky, Virginia..." 

She looked up and noticed glittering points of light, dozens of them, seeming to get closer. The hissing shriek was indeed their approach and they seemed to be aimed right at them. She felt Santa's hand squeeze on her shoulder, almost in excitement. His blue eyes were blazing ferociously. 

Finally, what looked like dozens of giant icicles, each larger and longer than a semi, lanced out of the night sky and slammed into the earth around her house, shaking it as they buried their tips in the frozen ground and came to a stop. Several impaled the intruders as they came in, while others kicked up a covering spray of snow as the enemy stopped and looked around in confusion. 

Then doors or portals opened on the sides of the titan icicles and tall, lithe beings began leaping out of them, wearing weird, form-fitting armour and carrying space-age guns and swords or axes. Their armour and long hair was a riot of colours that was reflected by the snow and ice. Wild, ululating warcries pierced the air. 

And a savage, bloody battle began on her property. 

"Who the hell are they?" Ginny almost yelled in astonishment as she watched. They moved with inhuman grace and speed, the ones not wearing helmets revealing long, beautiful facial features that were often frightening because of the wrath they displayed. The helmets were all tall and peaked, showing fearsome designs and glowing eyes. Weird runes pulsed and throbbed with light all over their armour. Guns hissed and shrieked while swords hummed as they slew. 

"My elves," Santa said, clearly pleased and also eager to fight but not willing to leave her side yet. "They got my call and converged on my position." 

"Those are elves?" she exclaimed in amazement. "Aren't they cutesy little toy-shop people?" 

"Cute myth, but no, not these ones," he replied, watching as several elves wearing bone-white armour with feminine features raced past, throwing themselves into a knot of the hulking bugs. They screamed and the masks of their wild-maned helmets gave off vibrations that shook Ginny's teeth in her head as it melted their foes' faces off. "No, a lot of my elves are warriors, meant to help me fight Krampus. They keep Christmas safe with me." 

"What the hell are they wearing?" she asked in disbelief. How could this weird night get any weirder? 

Santa sighed. "Truth? They've been spending way too much time playing Warhammer 40k and they... appropriated armour, weapons and tactics from the Eldar faction. They're space elves." 

"Wow. Gay..." she muttered, shaking her head. "Well, they're certainly earning their keep tonight." 

He nodded. "Been a long time since Krampus moved against us this hard. Apparently he got bored and was feeling uppity. That or he just forgot what a good thrashing felt like." 

Ginny watched as three elves, clad in scary black armour and wearing helmets that looked like peaked skulls, marched relentlessly forward, firing little rockets from elaborate launchers they carried in their hands and on suspensor harnesses. The rockets punctured the bugs' chitin shells and exploded inside them, sending shards of exoskeleton and stinking goo in every direction. Ginny squeaked and hid behind Santa as some of the nasty effluence landed right where she'd been standing only a moment before. 

Beams of super-heated plasma and tiny, shuriken-like projectiles hissed and whizzed by them, the remains of her lovely house now the center of a battleground while the winter storm raged on. Warriors in green armour, carrying weapons that looked like a horrifying hybrid of sword and chainsaw, tore into a knot of foes, slicing them to bloody ribbons. As savage as the battle had been earlier, when it had just been her and Santa, she suddenly appreciated its relative civility. 

"They need my help," Santa said finally, cracking his knuckles, his expression grim. "We have to finish this off or Christmas won't come on time." 

"I thought you said there was plenty of time." Ginny protested, frowning up at him. 

"There was," he admitted. "But in order to defeat Krampus' minions, I summoned every single quantum iteration of myself back to here to help me fight. No one is delivering presents anywhere at the moment. I can't change real-time if I'm here in my entirety." 

He turned and looked at her. "Hopefully we're keeping them busy enough that they don't worry about you. Stay against the wall and work the music, will you?" 

"Manning the music station," she said, nodding, focusing on giving herself a task. "Music for Santa and his homocidal elves to kill by. Got it..." 

She watched as Santa leapt through the shattered remains of her bay doors into the howling storm and crashed into a knot of foes, savaging them. She watched in disbelief for some time, trying to figure out how Santa could kill anyone. I mean, even serial murderers got presents in prison, didn't they? Maybe they didn't, she had no way of knowing and chalked up thinking about this to what could only be described as the weirdest night of her life. 

She squealed and dodged out of the way as a body came flying through the doors and landed next to her. She scrambled over to the entertainment center and stood in front of it, trying to figure out what the hell she should play. 

"Okay..." she breathed, trying to focus. "Mass slaughter music... mass slaughter music..." 

What constitued mass slaughter music? Death metal? Panic At The Disco? 

Teletubbies music? 

She had no playlists, so she began cycling through the radio, hoping to find anything that might suffice. Oldies... Christmas music... hip-hop... trance... disco... 

"Son of a fuck," she muttered. "This is harder than it looks." 

She finally came across a station playing 'Jailhouse Rock' and decided that was good enough, she was sick of looking. She winced, trying to ignore another splintering crash as a body came through her wall. She hugged herself but then felt her robe. She frowned as she looked down at it, realizing it had been thoroughly shredded in the fight earlier. Those shuriken-thingies had been cutting it real close. 

Ginny grumbled as she pulled it off and threw it away, standing there completely naked- it hadn't been keeping her warm in its current condition and she was thoroughly beyond giving a shit at this point about who saw her naked. They were all too damn busy tearing one another apart anyway. 

And that sort of pissed her off. She was buck-naked and no one seemed to care. 

She'd shaved her pussy for this? 

"And I thought my night sucked before," she sighed to no one in particular. "Not getting my cunt pounded had been my biggest complaint before this h-ACK!" 

She never saw the menacing shadow that had slipped up behind her. 

*** 

Santa picked one of his foes up overhead and hurled him into a cluster of foes, bowling them all over. He then punched another man as he tried to run by, knocking him off his feet and into his back. A quick stamp on his solar plexus made sure he stopped moving. The huge man thrust his fist in the air and shouted loudly. 

"Clear!" he thundered, indicating no other enemies surrounded him. His elves responded in kind, many of them gathering in a tight ring about him, weapons facing out as they sought to protect him. Hundreds of bodies lay strewn across the landscape, some burning from plasma blasts, other shredded and blown apart by rockets or sliced into bloody jerky. The storm seemed to be abating, no longer a blizzard so much as a stiff wind and swirls of snow. 

"Sire, we detect no enemies in the immediate vicinity," one elf wearing blue armour with a tall, crested helmet announced, striding up and saluting by thumping his gauntleted fist over his heart. "This attack has been defeated." 

"Maybe," Santa said, looking around warily. "But that doesn't mean anything just yet. We have to secure the area, make sure Virginia is alright and then get back to-" 

"Kringle!" 

"Damn," he muttered to himself. "I thought this was too easy." 

He made several complex gestures, sending his elves fanning out in a wide arc as he began trudging forward through the snow, heading toward where the voice had come from out of the night. The winds and squalls of snow continued to die down until there was an almost deafening silence, the moon shining brightly overhead and revealing the sheer carnage of the battle that had been waged- the snow and ice gittered with frozen blood. 

"KRINGLE!" snarled the inhuman voice angirly. 

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Santa said loudly, scowling. "Don't get your panties in a bunch!" 

He stopped in a clearing on the other side of the house, glowering at who confronted him- the beast was not as tall as he was, nor as muscular, but horrifying in aspect. The backward-jointed, hairy legs ended in wicked hooves. The skin not covered in coarse black fur was almost as dark and criss-crossed with innumerable scars. The vascular chest was crowned with a strong neck and sitting atop it was a blasphemous head, a demonic goat's visage from which grew four evil, twisting horns. The red eyes blazed like wrathful coals and sharp teeth glistened wetly inside the hateful mouth. 

Krampus. 

And in one of his powerful, clawed hands, he held Virginia by the neck, who looked like a rag doll. 

"Hi, Santa..." she said weakly, looking very apologetic. 

Santa kept walking forward, clenching his fists. 

"By all means, Kringle, keep coming forward if you mean to slay the child." Krampus growled, starting to squeeze and causing Ginny to shudder in fear. Santa stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes narrowing. His elves had now cast a tight net around the scene, hemming in Krampus. One circle of warriors faced inward, pointing their weapons at the abomination while another behind them faced out, prepared for any further attacks. Santa didn't move. 

"Let the girl go, Krampus," he said levelly. "This doesn't concern her." 

"Oh, I beg to differ," said the beastman in an almost non-chalant tone. "It's always about the children, isn't it?" 

"Hey!" said Ginny angrily. "I am not a child, jerk! I'm twenty- GRRK!" 

"Oh, do stop talking, you're such an annoyance." Krampus said, giving her neck another warning squeeze. "Let the adults work this out." 

"There's nothing to work out, Krampus," Santa growled, his blue eyes flashing. "You'll let the girl go." 

"I think we both know that's not happening," intoned the vile intruder. "She is my victory over you, and you know it. Revenge is not only a dish best served cold but often. And not often enough for me." 

"About this cold revenge dish thing," Ginny said, squirming slightly. "Couldn't... couldn't I just find you a nice tin can to chew on instead?" 

"Shut up, girl!" Krampus said harshly while several elves could be heard to chuckle and even Santa smirked at her jest. "I hold your life in my hands, to dispose of as I please." 

His foul breath crackled in the cold night air. His touch was uncomfortably warm, almost hot and strangely kept her body from freezing in the winter night. His touch felt evil and her skin crawled in revulsion. His strength was terrifying. 

"It wasn't enough that I slaved in coal mines for you, giving you carbon lumps to deliver to naughty children," Krampus growled, glaring at Santa. "It wasn't enough that I found the worst of them and brought them to you in the night so you could lecture them." 

"Hey, nobody asked you or ordered you to do the coal thing, pal," Santa said angrily. "And the whole kidnapping kids thing was your idea. I decided to let you have some creative control and look what happened. When it didn't work out, you decided that beating naughty kids with reeds was the answer. You're damn right that wasn't good enough!" 

"SILENCE!" Krampus snarled loudly, stamping one of his clawed hooves and making the ground shake dangerously. "Your kind-hearted foolishness with these puny mortals changed nothing about their behaviour! Your failure to recognize their inherent selfishness was why our efforts were doomed!" 

"These puny mortals?" Santa countered. "You used to be one of them, Pete, remember? You were a well-behaved boy once." 

"Shut up!" growled Krampus. 

"Well-behaved, but not good," Santa continued. "You followed the rules and wanted everyone to follow rules. You were a control freak. I brought you north to show you what kindness could do, but you hated the cheer and the happiness and you fled to the coal mines in Greenland, hiding in the dark where the light of Christmas couldn't touch you! And when making kids feel bad with coal didn't bring them into line, you started the whole whipping them with reeds thing. Good job there, Pete!" 

"I'm warning you, Kringle..." Krampus said dangerously. 

"Ooh, he really gets your goat, doesn't he?" Ginny sneered, causing several elves to laugh loudly. Krampus now snarled furiously and lifted her into the air by her neck, causing her to cry out in pain. Santa watched warily, knowing better than to make a move. 

"We seem to have an impasse," Krampus said, an evil smile playing over his slavering mouth. "You cannot harm me, because you know I can slay the child, but I cannot as yet slay her because she is my bargaining chip. But my need to hurt you, old man, is so very strong." 

He lowered Ginny down until her feet were just touching the snow-covered ground. She frowned as she heard a wet slithering sound she could not identify. 

"And there are other ways to hurt you than slaying the poor dear, aren't there?" 

Ginny felt something slimy touch her leg and then start to crawl up it, wrapping around her smooth skin. She shuddered and squirmed in horror as she realized exactly what was happening. The snake-like appendage wound up her thigh and then behind her. She gasped as it slid between her ass cheeks and then underneath to her pussy. She felt the blunt head split her lips and then move upward again. 

"Don't do this, Krampus." Santa said, trying to figure out what to do without hurting Ginny. 

"And why not?" replied the qliphotic abomination. "Don't you have a present for me? Then I guess I'll have to give myself one." 

Krampus' organ continued to slither its way around her body, leaving a glistening trail on her skin. She stiffened and moaned as his apparendage wrapped around her breasts, squeezing them, the head pausing and teasing the nipples. 

"Hey, asshole, dinner and a movie first!" she spat angrily. Ginny was about to say something else when the large, grayish cockhead snaked up in front of her face and then plunged into her mouth, causing her to gag and go silent. Her eyes widened and she thrashed furiously, but to no avail. He was simply too strong. 

"Language, young lady." Krampus chided, still staring at Santa. "Hasn't Santa taught you anything?" 

"This isn't gonna end well for you, Pete." Santa said, his tone dire. 

"Christmas never does, Kringle," replied the demon, his cock sliding in and out of Ginny's mouth. "I'm just hoping to make the holiday every bit as awful and intolerable for you as it is for me. After all, misery loves company." 

He brought her body close to his head and his other hand reached over and stroked her netherlips, which were glistening. He leered at his foe, knowing Santa was helpless to get closer. 

"Is she good down here?" Krampus said mockingly. "Nice and wet and tight for you? Was she the best one ever, in the endless list of good girls you have fucked?" 

Santa said nothing, just glaring at Krampus. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. 

"Sharing your toys is the spirit of Christmas, isn't it?" Krampus said evilly, finally pulling his cock out of her mouth. Ginny coughed and sputtered, tendrils of resinous spittle and worse trailing away from her lips. She glared at Krampus but was still immobilized. 

"Just get this over with and fuck me already, whip-prick," she spat. "You won't be my first egotistical disappointment, trust me." 

Krampus' eyes blazed red and his tongue sped around her naked form blindingly quickly while he released her from his clawed grip. The tongue wrapped and immobilized her arms, holding them out straight while still encircling her breasts. It then snaked around her waist and legs, pinning those as well while his long cock, swaying about like a cobra, came to a stop in front of her swollen netherlips. The head teased and tapped against the opening, causing her to moan and squirm. 

"As you wish, child..." 

The head forced itself through her lips, sliding deep inside her. Ginny cried out in a mixture of shock and indescribable pleasure. She felt the tip of his pointed tongue probe trailing around her nipples. The python-like length of his cock churned inside her pussy. 

The blinding light behind her eyes finally receded and she lifted her head, looking out into the night, feeling his tongue constricting around her neck. She could dimly see a huge being in red pants and black boots watching nearby, his powerful chest exposed. The startling blue eyes flashed in the darkness of the night. She could tell he wanted to rescue her but didn't dare come closer. 

She gasped and shuddered as Krampus' member pushed still deeper inside her. She felt fuller than she had imagined possible, the slithering appendage stretching her wide. The sticky, squelching noises were hardly to be believed. 

"Ew, gross! Hentai noises!" she thought in revulsion. 




Miracle on RR34 Ch. 02



"Krampus..." Santa warned. His elves all pointed their weapons menacingly but he held up his hand, staying them. 

"The child is naughty," Krampus said, smiling through pointed teeth. "Very naughty. Such a sordid past." 

"Hey, back off, she was young and needed the money!" Santa snapped defensively. "That thing with the midget and the donkey was-" 

"You're not helping here!" Ginny shouted, blushing furiously, even as Krampus violated her. 

"Wicked child," growled the vile demon, shoving his member in and out of her, the peristaltic actions of its length causing her to writhe and squirm in his grip, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "Shameless. Even though I violate her, she finds a way to be concerned about how you perceive her. I find it... titillating." 

"Oh, do I make you horny?" she sneered, turning her head to smirk at him. "Couldn't tell, looking at that head of yours." 

"Silence!" Krampus hissed, spittle flying from his jaws, his eyes flashing angrily. "I hold your life and death in my hands." 

"How would I know?" she shot back. "Hope you're better with your hands than you are with your dick, Billy G." 

He plunged his cock deeper still inside her. She went rigid and cried out. "That all you got?" she rasped, trying not to faint as she felt popping inside her hips while he stetched her. "My brother got in deeper than that when we were little!" 

"Insolent!" Krampus snarled savagely, bouncing her up and down and he fucked her harder than ever, pulling on her arms and legs, stretching her joints til they creaked. She felt a deep, wet heat building inside her and in spite of the horror she consciously felt about the situation, even more dire was her need to cum. She felt her pussy squeezing around his cock. His snake-like tongue probed her ass and wriggled inside, further adding to her desperation. "Intholent bith, you will be punithed!" 

"What was that?" Santa asked, turning his head slightly and putting his hand to his ear. "I couldn't understand you, it's like you have a lisp or something." 

"Don't mock meef!" Krampus said angrily, his tongue whipping out of Ginny's ass, causing her to yelp suddenly. "I'll kill her, Kringle!" 

"Not before I cum, damn you!" Ginny panted, her body flushed and covered in sweat as she twisted and writhed in his grip. "Gnnnnnnnnn, so close, goddammit!" 

"Language!" Santa and Krampus both snapped at her. 

"Aw, c'mon!" she wailed. "You two are total pains in the ass! Do it, Billy! Show me what a ba-a-a-a-a-a-d boy you are!" 

Krampus glared at her and began fucking her harder than ever. "As you wish, child!" 

"Krampus!" Santa shouted, reaching out his hand in alarm. "Don't!" 

Krampus grinned evilly at Santa, his teeth clenching as he drew close to climax. His cock seemed to swell along its length, stretching her wider still. She threw her head back and gritted her teeth, straining as she was overwhelmed by sensation... 

Santa's fist slammed across Krampus' jaw with a powerful crack. The demonoid's eyes rolled into his head and he crumpled to the ground. Ginny wailed in frustration as his cock pulled out of her and retreated back to his body, like a wet, slimy Stanley tape measure. She collapsed to her hands and knees in the snow, panting and shaking, her eyes wide. Santa raced up and knelt next to her, his eyes shining with concern. 

"Fuck..." Ginny whispered, gasping for air. "Motherfucker..." 

She looked up at her rescuer now, her eyes flashing accusingly. "The hell? Couldn't you have let him make me cum first?!" 

Santa paused. "What?" 

"I was so damn close!" she hissed, standing up and stamping her foot. "I was within half a second of the orgasm of my life and you had to choose that moment to intervene and play the hero! Don't expect a thank you card!" 

"Uh, Virginia," Santa said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say. "If he had brought you to orgasm, it would have killed you. When Krampus climaxes, his appendage you were so attached to bursts into spikes, basically killing you from the inside while denying you your orgasm." 

She paused and then deflated. "Holy cobra dildos. What a bastard." 

Ginny then pointed a finger at her saviour. "But you still owe me an orgasm, then, pal. You may have rescused my from certain death, but that doesn't mean I don't need relief." 

Santa looked really confused. "What, here? Now?" 

"Damn straight," she said firmly, suddenly remembering she was buck naked in a snow-storm. In spite of the no-doubt freezing weather, her body was still warm and very wet with need. She put her hand down her pussy and felt around for a moment before presenting her sticky palm and fingers to Santa for inspection. "Do I look satified to you? You've already fucked me, Screamo the Goat Boy just fucked me, who cares if your freaky gay elves watch us? I need satisfaction now and I already am aware that you can't say no." 

Santa sighed. "It's gotta be quick, Virginia. I'm really behind, now that I'm completely temporal in one location." 

"Whatever, just get me to the promised land, man." Ginny replied, shrugging. "Who knows, maybe your entourage might enjoy a show." 

"Oh, right, about that," Santa said, standing up tall and shouting loudly. "ABOUT... FACE!" 

As a single unit, the elves all turned around smartly on their heels, still arranged in a protective ring around their liege and his companion, weapons ready as they scanned the darkness for trouble, their eyes glowing menacingly inside their helmets. 

Santa strode up to Ginny, towering over her and ignoring the prostrate form of the still-unconscious Krampus, snuffling nearby. She smiled up at him, somehow warmed by his presence, in spite of the icy night she should have frozen to death in already. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as she felt her already molten core getting even more heated in response to his touch. Tongues tangled and played as he took her ass cheeks in his hands and squeezed them, making her shiver. 

Ginny's hands fumbled with his large black belt until it fell away and then pulled down his red pants. He pulled her onto his powerful thighs, resting her on them. She hooked her legs behind his waist and began grinding her wet, eager pussy against his hardening cock, which swelled readily. Her head was almost spinning, she was so horny. 

"Mmmmm, give it to me, baby," she purred, feeling the head of his cock touch her netherlips. "Make me cum hard and fast." 

She sighed loudly as he pulled her close, penetrating and sliding deep inside her. Ginny moaned shamelessly as Santa once again began to pump back and forth inside her. His huge cock stretched her pussy wide, but not in the violent, violating way Krampus did. This felt warm and utterly perfect. She nipped at the skin of his chest while he moved in and out of her. 

"Yessssss," Ginny breathed as he began to moved faster, pumping strongly and rhythmically. She could feel her wetness trickling down between her cheeks, her pussy clutching at him hungrily, greedily and unwilling to let go until it was somehow sated. "Ohhh, God, just what I needed. Yes, fuck me, Santa!" 

He gripped her tight and thrust into her, picking up his pace just the way she wanted. She was gasping and yelping now and he squeezed her cheeks, one of his fingers poking inside her puckered knot. She clenched her teeth and groaned at the intrusion, murmuring that she loved it. She grew warmer and warmer, her body tingling with an exquisite fire that rippled out from her core. 

Santa turned her around and set her feet on top of his boots, bending her forward and pulling on her arms. She cried out as he fucked her harder, his hips thumping against her ass cheeks. Her hands clenched wildly, her breath coming in gasps as his overwhelming strength dominated her. 

"Oh, God!" she panted, beginning to shudder uncontrollably, almost drooling. "Gnnnnnnn, cum in me, dammit! Fucking cum in me!" 

Santa pulled on her arms even tighter as his thighs slammed into her. Ginny strained, craning her neck, teeth clenched as she tried not to scream, but it was no use- she wailed loudly as he came inside her, filling her once again in a way she could not describe. Her orgasm shook every last atom of her being, transporting her to a world of nothing but pleasure, edged with mint. 

She buckled, hanging loosely in his arms, exhausted. She'd been fucked hard at least five times tonight and had a dreadful suspicion that this experience would only make her libido even more hyperactive. She sighed as Santa scooped her naked form into his arms and cuddled her against the cold. Ginny purred and traced a fingerail across his broad chest. 

"Thank you," she said quietly. "Just what the doctor ordered. That quenched the flames, for now." 

He finally put her down and she looked at the remains of her ruined chateau, which was completely leveled and now on fire. 

"Poor Oatmeal," she murmured. "Where am I going to live?" 

She scowled down at the still supine Krampus, anger flaring in her. "It's this jackwagon's fault. You should totally napalm his face." 

Santa looked down at her in shock. "Did you just say I should jerk off in Krampus' face?" 

"Damn right, he'd deserve it too." Ginny announced. "That and shove your sleigh up his ass." 

"I am not jizzing in Krampus' face." Santa said, clearly repulsed by the suggestion. 

"Fine, leave a woman to do a man's job," Ginny said testily, striding over to Krampus and putting one leg on either side of his head. She stuck three fingers inside her pussy and managed to tease out considerable amounts of Santa's minty cum, which she smeared all over Krampus' face and into his fur with glee, even giving him a glistening white moustache. "Take that, asshole!" 

She looked like she might have been done desecrating the unconscious form, but then she paused and squatted over him, peeing on his body and face, the stream steaming in the cold night air. She grinned evilly as she thoroughly baptised him. 

"Teach you to mess with me." Ginny muttered as she walked back to Santa, nodding. The huge man had a wide smirk on his face and shook his head slowly. 

"I can't believe you just pissed all over Krampus," he said, hugging her to him. "However, you're going to freeze to death at this rate..." 

He held out his hand and one of his elves dutifully brought him a large, velvety red cloak, which he wrapped around her. She blushed and smiled gratefully at his consideration, but only until he slid it off her, revealing that she was now wearing some ridiculous 'Hot Christmas Elf' outfit, complete with striped stockings and high heels. She looked like a Yule whore. 

"Seriously?" she asked, unimpressed. "This is your solution to my naked issues?" 

He shrugged. "I liked you better naked, but you would freeze quickly." 

"Whatever," she sighed, looking down and appreciating the considerable lift it gave her cleavage. It was incredibly warm, in spite of how scant it was. "So now what? I still have no damn home, you and Goatse here blew it up with your little barnyard brawl." 

Santa looked around warily. "That might be the least of your worries. The wind's picking up again, which means that another assault is coming. We need to get out of here." 

"Sire!" said one of the armoured elves, thumping his fist to his breastplate and bowing his head. "We will cover you. You must go while you still have a head-start and the dark one is unconscious." 

Santa nodded. "Yeah, he's not gonna be happy when he wakes up and he's really gonna want revenge on you, Virginia." 

She felt her mouth go dry at the notion of another battle and Krampus waking up to even the score. "So... now what?" 

Santa shrugged. "I'd say it's fairly obvious. I've still got to make my rounds before the night is over and I'm not leaving you here..." 

She gaped as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. 

"Virginia, you're coming with me and you're going to help save Christmas." 

*** 

Author's Notes: Apologies if this chapter and the third chapter did not manage to hit publication before Christmas Day, it's been crazy busy and for whatever reason my stories do not move through the queue the way an odt file is supposed to. It's probably something I'm doing wrong and just don't know it. 

Chapter 3 will be the finale of this completely seasonal work (published off-season), and then it's back to my other stories. Hope you're enjoying this little romp, I'm keeping it as light and funny and off-beat as possible. 

Merry February! 

- Management.