0 comments/ 14235 views/ 0 favorites Glad 'e Ate 'er Ch. 01 By: Aussiescribbler The hero of our story is one Daniel, who grew up in the town of Galilee during the reign of the Emperor Nero. Daniel was a good Jewish boy and loved nothing better than to sit in the synagogue and listen to the rabbi read stories from the holy book. His favourite was the story of his namesake in the lion's den. He wondered if he would be able to be so brave in a dangerous situation. He hoped that he would, and he liked to imagine the heroic things he might do when he grew up. As I have said, Daniel was a Jew. At least, he was a Jew up to the age of eighteen. It was when he was at this tricky age that a couple of men in very neat robes knocked on the door of his parents house while they were both out. The men asked Daniel if they could make a presentation on the life of their saviour. Daniel didn't know what this meant but it didn't sound dangerous, so he invited them in and offered them a chair each and sat down himself to hear what they wanted to tell him. They did not spend much time sitting in their chairs. They were very enthusiastic story-tellers, standing up and sweeping their arms around, and emphasising their points by thumping the palms of their hands with their fists, as they recounted a story which he found even more exciting than that of the other Daniel in the lion's den. It was the story of a man who had healed the sick and fed the hungry, who had walked on water and brought the dead back from the grave. He had done all this by the strength of his faith. He had championed the poor and downtrodden and called the high and mighty judges "vipers". All of this was tremendously exciting to Daniel who had not yet lost his youthful idealism. When the men reached the end of the story and Daniel heard how the "Son of God", as they described the miracle worker, had been nailed to a cross and left to die, he was heart-broken. How could such a thing have happened. But the men encouraged him not to lose heart. What was important was not the flesh which had carried the message they said, but the message itself. The message about the coming Kingdom of Heaven on Earth which the miracle worker had delivered was now spreading throughout the Roman Empire and, most exciting of all, Daniel was needed to be a messenger. Given that the Emperor Nero perceived the growth of Christianity as a threat however, it was a most dangerous task to take on, they warned him. This was all he needed to hear. At last he would get to try himself in the face of danger. When his parents came home and found him gazing blankly into the distance and babbling something about forgiveness of sins and everlasting life, they immediately hired a cult deprogrammer. At a time when religious zealots and self-proclaimed prophets hung out on every street corner, deprogrammers were doing a roaring trade. But, with Daniel, it was no use. The die was cast, and, rather than argue with his parents all the time, Daniel moved out of home and went to live with some of his new Christian friends. His friends were a married couple called Matthew and Bethany. They were a very friendly cheerful couple in their early twenties. Each day Matthew would go out door-knocking. Daniel would then head off for his bible classes, carrying a packet lunch that Bethany had prepared for him. He would be home earlier than Matthew and would spend the late afternoon chatting excitedly with Bethany about all that he had learned that day. Daniel liked Bethany a lot. With her long dark hair, deep brown eyes and soft olive skin she was very attractive. But what made Daniel's heart beat faster was her warm loving smile. As Daniel related the events of the day, she would smile indulgently at his youthful exuberance, and laugh at the amusing little adventures of his day. One night Daniel dreamt that Bethany was kissing him. He woke up to find that a certain part of his anatomy was standing up stiffly beneath the bed clothes. As he wriggled around he found that the feeling of the bedsheet brushing against his stiffness, gave him a feeling of exquisite pleasure. Pretty soon he was clenching his bottom and heaving himself up exuberantly against the bedsheet, sliding his stiffness across it in a delirious state of ecstasy. It was at that moment that Bethany came in to wake him. "What on earth is the matter," she cried in genuine concern, lifting the bedsheet. Just as she did, Daniel's cock, for such was the part of the anatomy involved, though Daniel had no name for it, spurted several jets of hot, creamy white liquid over his belly. Bethany blushed at the sight and turned her eyes away. "Something funny happened to me," Daniel explained, "but it felt really good." He smile up innocently at her. "It was the sin of Onan to spill his seed upon the ground," Bethany stated, keeping her eyes averted. "I know it is not your fault. You do not understand these things yet." Daniel couldn't understand why what he had just done was a sin. Being greedy was a sin. Lying was a sin. Hitting somebody over the head was a sin. These things could hurt people. Daniel knew that it was wrong to hurt people, but he couldn't see how rubbing himself against his bed sheet could hurt anyone. Then he realised that Bethany did the washing for the household. Maybe the white cream stains were really hard to get out. Scrubbing them would make her hands sore. That would hurt. So that was why rubbing himself against his bed sheet was a sin. Daniel was proud of his powers of deduction. But what about Onan, she said that he had spilled his seed upon the earth, not on a bed sheet, and that too had been a sin. Maybe the white cream was a herbicide too and would make the land infertile. "Please do not trouble yourself, Bethany," said Daniel, "I will wash my own sheet. I don't want to make your hands sore. But tell me, where can I shoot my white cream were it will do no-one any harm, for I am determined to avoid sin wherever possible." "Oh, Daniel, you are so innocent," smiled Bethany. "The white cream, as you call it, is for making babies. If you shoot it into a woman, she will produce a baby. I think that Matthew and I will have a baby soon now. And don't worry, I don't mind washing your bedsheet. What you did is only a sin because God doesn't like you to waste the white cream." Now Daniel understood. A week later however he was disconcerted to find when he awoke in the morning that there was white cream on his belly again. It had leaked out while he was asleep. Was this still a sin he wondered. He hadn't had any control over it, so he decided that it wasn't. What worried him though was that God would not like this waste of white cream, even if it was not his fault. Since the white cream was meant to go into a woman to make a baby, Daniel decided that he would have to find a woman who wanted his white cream soon. Bethany would not do, because she had said that she was already expecting a child. Glad 'e Ate 'er Ch. 02 "Jesus Freaks!" yelled a heckler, during Daniel's first public preaching session with Matthew and the other members of their group. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me," he replied, defiantly. This may have been a mistake, as, no sooner were the words out of his mouth when a large stone hit him in the forehead sending a warm trickle of blood down into his right eye. "That kind of thing happens all the time," Matthew explained afterwards. "They'll stone you when you're trying to be so good. They'll stone you just like they said they would. They'll stone you when you're trying to go home. They'll stone you when you're there all alone. In fact, I think eventually everyone must get stoned." "Our Lord tried to prevent stonings," explained Simon, another of their group. "The people would be preparing to stone to death an adulterer or a prostitute and He would say to them, 'Let he among you who is without sin, cast the first stone.'" "A prostitute?" asked Daniel. "What's a prostitute?" "A prostitute," explained Matthew, "is a woman who allows men to have sex with her in return for money." "Really?" Daniel asked, counting out the meagre collection of coins that he could find in his pocket. "Where can I find such a woman, and how much is she likely to charge?" "No, no, you misunderstand," explained Matthew quickly. "While it is wrong to stone such women to death, it is also wrong to make use of their services." "Oh," replied Daniel disappointedly, wondering if he would ever find a women in whom to deposit his white cream. That evening, Matthew had to go to a secret meeting. Women where not allowed, and Daniel, being a newcomer to the group was not welcome either. Thus Daniel and Bethany spent the evening together. Bethany was teaching Daniel how to draw the fish symbol which was used as a secret sign of brotherhood among Christians. She drew the simple pattern in the dirt outside their front door. "That looks more like a shark," Bethany laughed when Daniel tried drawing what he thought was a very realistic fish. "You don't need all of that detail. Just the two simple curved lines crossing over to form the tail. Now you keep practising, I have to go and wash as Matthew will probably bring visitors back with him this evening." When he got bored with drawing fishes, Daniel began drawing a detailed picture of Moses parting the waters of the Red Sea. This was another of his favourite stories. He was so engrossed in sketching in all the details of this spectacular scene with his stick, that he didn't see the two Roman soldiers until they were practically upon him. Quickly he rubbed out the fish symbols with his foot. The soldiers were deep in conversation, and since Daniel had learned Latin at school, he was able to understand what they were saying. "Nero claims that it was the Christian's who started the great fire," said one. "I have heard that they are cannibals and that they practice incest," replied the other. "It is true that they talk of feasting upon the flesh and blood of their prophet," the first admitted, "and that they believe in love between all individuals. Whether these things can be taken at face value, I do not know. But Nero clearly feels that Rome would be a better place without them." "How is he planning to achieve such an aim?" asked the second soldier. "The emperor is a great lover of sport," his companion replied, "and as the people of Rome are tiring of simple gladiatorial combat, he has decided to make a sport of exterminating the Christians. They are to be thrown into the arena with wild beasts." "But surely martyrdom is what these people seek?" his friend queried. "Look what it did for the leader of their movement. I wonder if our emperor is wise to take this approach." "It would not be well to question his wisdom," warned the other. Daniel couldn't wait to tell Bethany all that he had overheard. He rushed into the house and entered her bedroom without thinking to announce his intention to do so. There stood Bethany stark naked and glistening with the water with which she was sponging herself down. With a startled look she dropped her wash cloth into the large bowl of water on the floor and covered her breasts and crotch with her hands. For all that Daniel had wanted to say, the sight of Bethany's naked beauty left him speechless. Bethany, for her part, could not feel too angry towards Daniel, as she recognised that his actions where those of someone still innocent in the ways of the world. "Please Daniel," she said, "it is not polite to stare. Particularly at a lady who is not wearing any clothes." "But you are so beautiful," Daniel replied. Then he looked down at the lump appearing under his tunic. "Look, it is happening again," he pointed out, as he lifted his garment to display his stiff cock to the embarrassed Bethany. "Please Daniel, you must not do that," she explained, "and you must leave the room at once. When you look lustfully at a woman, you are committing adultery with her in your heart." "Oh, all right," Daniel replied, leaving the room. Adultery was the other thing that the Saviour had stopped people from being stoned for, Daniel remembered. He hoped that it was not a serious sin. When Matthew came home with some friends of his that Daniel had not met before, he asked politely how Daniel had spent the evening. "Well, first Bethany taught me how to draw fish," Daniel explained. "After that I listened to two Roman soldiers talk about how the emperor Nero is planning to throw the Roman Christians into the arena with wild beasts." "You heard that?" Matthew wanted to know. "So the news is spreading fast. That is what our meeting tonight was about." "And after that," Daniel continued, "I came into the house and committed adultery with Bethany."