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Elspeth is Different

By: SamScribble



When Murray announced that he was thinking of getting married, I was more than a little surprised. 

Murray had already tried marriage on three occasions. And each had ended in a messy divorce.

'I thought you were the guy who said that three honest attempts were more than enough for any man.'

Murray grinned. 'Yeah, I did say that, didn't I. But I think that, with Elspeth, it might be different.'

'In what way?'

Murray frowned slightly and briefly gazed off into the distance. 'Elspeth is different,' he said, eventually. 'You should come and met her. You might like her. What are you doing Saturday?'

I told him that I was planning to catch up with Laura, a woman we had both worked with in days gone by.

'Oh,' he said, raising his eyebrows. 'Are you two ... you know ... together?'

'Sort of,' I said. 'You know, weekend fun. No strings attached.'

'Oh well, in that case, bring Laura. I'll do food. Seven-ish. I'll email directions.'

And so, shortly after seven on Saturday evening, Laura -- a good-looking strawberry blonde in her late 30s -- and I were standing outside the front door of a mock-Georgian townhouse in a cul-de-sac of full of mock-Georgian townhouses.

Murray answered the door wearing a blue-and-white striped butcher's apron and a builder's tool belt. 'Excellent,' he said, as he gave Laura a welcoming hug. 'Excellent. Come on through. Come and meet Elspeth.'

Laura and I followed Murray through to the kitchen where Elspeth was sitting cross-legged in big leather chair. 

Murray had said that Elspeth was different. And she certainly seemed to be. 

Murray's former wives had all been small women. Whereas, even sitting, Elspeth appeared to be quite tall. And, while his former wives had all been dark haired, Elspeth was a flaming redhead.

'Darling, this is Laura ... and Mike,' Murray said.

Elspeth looked us up and down, peering slightly, as if she needed spectacles. 'I've heard about you two,' she said. 

It wasn't quite the greeting I was expecting. Still. 'Nice to meet you, Elspeth,' I said, extending my hand. 'Good things, I hope.'

She tilted her head slightly to one side and frowned. 'Good things?'

'About us.'

She nodded. 'Some good. But some not so good.' And then, turning her attention to Laura, she frowned again and said: 'Laura. I thought Murray said your name was Janet. Or are you someone else?'

'No, I'm definitely Laura,' Laura said. 'Have been all my life.'

Elspeth continued to frown slightly. 'I had an aunt named Laura,' she said. 'She didn't like me much. You look a bit like her. Perhaps there's a Laura look. Do you think there's a Laura look?'

But before Laura had a chance to express an opinion, Murray intervened with a couple of bottles of wine. 

'Red or white?' he asked. 'Or there's beer if you'd prefer. The red's a burgundy and the white's Pinot Grigio. Elspeth's having the Pinot Grigio. It's quite good, isn't it, darling?'

Elspeth looked at her wine glass as though she was seeing it for the very first time. 'Hmm. It's true to character,' she said. 'A slight flowery fragrance. Firm acidity. Mid-palate balance. Clean finish. Not a long finish though. If you're hoping for a long finish, you'll be disappointed.' And then she nodded.

Smoky barbeque smells were drifting in from the courtyard beyond the French doors, and both Laura and I opted for the burgundy which Murray sloshed into glasses that looked as if they would comfortably hold a pint or more.

'Well, cheers,' I said. 'And thanks for inviting us.'

'Yes, cheers,' Laura echoed. 'Good to see you again, Murray. And nice to meet you, Elspeth.'

Murray beamed proudly. 

Laura and I were just about to take a sip of what promised -- from the colour and aroma -- to be a nice soft burgundy, when Elspeth suddenly leapt from her chair and pointed to the French doors. 'Outside,' she said.

I looked towards the open doors, fully expecting to see a dog or a cat trying to sneak into the kitchen. But no. Elspeth was inviting us to go out into the courtyard. 

I glanced at Laura, hoping for some sign that I had unwittingly stumbled into some elaborate practical joke. But Laura was looking just as perplexed as I was feeling. Murray was right. Elspeth was certainly different.

'Mmm. Yes. Good idea,' Murray said. 'Come and watch a master chef at work.'

Murray led the way, and we all trooped out into the enclosed courtyard.

'Very nice,' Laura said.

Elspeth nodded. 'Very ...' she paused, as though searching for precisely the right word. 'Private,' she said eventually.

She was right. The townhouse may have been in the midst of umpteen others, but the only windows that looked onto the courtyard were their own.

'We can do what we like here. The neighbours can't see us. Murray sometimes fucks me on this table here. You can take your clothes off if you want to, Janet. Nobody will see.'

'Laura,' Laura said, smiling generously.

Elspeth nodded. 'Right. You can still take your clothes off though. If you want to,' she added.

'Thanks,' Laura said. 'But, umm, not just at the moment I don't think.'

'Up to you,' Elspeth said. 'I think I'll probably take mine off -- although I may finish my wine first.' Elspeth took a big sip of her wine and then she added: 'You don't need to worry about getting sunburnt at this time of the day.'

Instinctively, Laura and I both looked towards the heavens. But the sun had long since gone.

'I think I see what you mean,' Laura said, cautiously.

'You have to be careful,' Elspeth said. 'I have fair skin.' To show us that she did indeed have fair skin, Elspeth lifted high the hem of her skirt, exposing her pale thighs and just the tiniest hint red pubic hair.

'Can you cook, Mike?' she asked.

'I do cook a bit,' I said.

'Mike's a very good cook,' Laura volunteered.

'That's good,' Elspeth said. 'You might need to take over. Murray burns things.'

'Not all the time!' Murray said. 

Elspeth appeared to consider the matter for a moment or two. 'No. Not all the time. But mostly.' 

'This wine's very good,' I said, hoping to deflect undue criticism of my former colleague's culinary skills.

'Trust me; the steaks will be too,' Murray assured us.

'Do you two fuck?' Elspeth asked. 'I mean ... obviously you fuck. Or at least I assume you do. But do you fuck each other?'

There was certainly nothing subtle about Elspeth's line of questioning. 

'Well ... umm ....' I looked across at Murray, but he seemed not to have heard. Or maybe he had heard and didn't think it was such a strange thing for his wife-to-be to be asking a couple who she had only just met.

Fortunately -- well, fortunately for me anyway -- Laura leapt into the breach. 'Sometimes,' she said.

But that was not enough information for Elspeth. 'Today?' she asked.

Again, Laura smiled generously. Perhaps a little too generously, I thought. 'Umm, no, not today,' she said. 'Well ... not yet anyway.'

Elspeth looked at her watch. 'Oh well, there's still time,' she said. And then she added: 'You could fuck now if you want to. Before we eat.'

'Maybe later, Laura said.

I really couldn't make up my mind. Was this some sort of game? Some sort of test, perhaps? Was Elspeth trying to shock us? Or was she simply saying what she really thought -- something that most of us probably avoid most of the time? If it was a game, then I wasn't sure that it was a game I particularly wanted to play -- not without advance notice anyway.

It turned out that Murray was right about the steaks. They were cooked just about perfectly. Even Elspeth said so. And the potato salad that Murray served with the steaks was also pretty special. 

'You've got to start with good spuds,' Murray said. 'And then the mayo needs to be made with free range eggs. And good quality olive oil. If you're going to cut corners and use tasteless watery spuds and store-bought mayo, you may as well just forget the potato salad altogether.'

Unfortunately, the grilled asparagus spears were not such a great success.

'Murray burns things,' Elspeth reminded us as she headed off with the empty plates.

'Not everything. And not all the time,' Murray called out after her.

'So, what do you think of Elspeth?' Murray asked

'Well, she's different, Murray,' I said.

Laura just smiled and nodded.

I'm not sure that it was the answer that Murray was looking for. But he smiled and nodded too. At that particular moment, I got the feeling that perhaps -- just perhaps -- even Murray wasn't one hundred percent sure about Elspeth.

For the next ten minutes or so, Murray, Laura and I chatted about 'the old days'.

And then Elspeth arrived back from the kitchen with the dessert. Although the dessert was not the first thing that I noticed. And I'm sure that it wasn't the first thing that Laura noticed either. Elspeth had removed her clothes. All of them. And, in her defence, I have to say that she did suit being naked. She was quite an attractive woman. And I felt that she would have been even more attractive if she'd just lighten up a little.

'We could have dessert now,' she said. 'Or we could get into the hot tub for a while and have dessert later.' And before anyone really had a chance to voice a preference, Elspeth made the decision for us.

'Yes, I think that's what we'll do. You'll need to get your clothes off, Laura. Just put them on that chair just inside the door. You too, Mike.'

I looked at Laura. Laura looked at me. And, after a moment or two, we both shrugged our shoulders and went off to disrobe.

I don't normally have a problem with being naked. Hey, what am I saying? I know I may not have the best body in the world, but I can live with it. In fact, I'm very comfortable in my own skin. However, being naked with Elspeth was a bit like being naked for the very first time ever.

'Your cock is smaller than I expected,' she said. 

'Oh, really,' I said -- not knowing what else to say.

'Murray said that you were a man for the ladies. I thought you'd have a really big cock.'

'No,' I said. 'What you see is pretty much what you get.'

Elspeth turned to Laura. 'Is it enough?' she asked.

'No complaints from me,' Laura said.

And then turning her attention back to me, Elspeth said: 'What about when you get hard? Does it get bigger?'

'Well, yeah, naturally,' I said.

'I'd like to see that,' Elspeth said.

'See what?'

'I'd like to see your cock getting hard. I like to watch cocks getting hard, don't I, Murray?'

'You do, my dear,' Murray said. 

It was hard to tell, but, somewhere about this point in the conversation, I thought I detected a certain tone of resignation in Murray's voice.

I was hoping that I could quickly get into the hot tub, but Elspeth hadn't quite finished.

Turning to Laura, she said: 'You know, women change, too. But not as much.'

Laura just smiled.

Elspeth continued. 'Well, not as obviously. But there was that one girl, wasn't there, Murray? What was her name?'

'Whose name?' Murray asked.

'You know -- that girl. She started out with just a slit. It was quite a pretty slit, but it was just a slit. Then when she got aroused, she opened up like pink flower. Almost frilly, wasn't she. And bright pink. Quite surprising. What was her name?'

'Maria?' Murray suggested, helpfully.

Elspeth nodded. 'Yes. Maria.' And then, after a moment or two, she added: 'Maria with a cunt like a flower. A very nice person. She does something in publishing I think.'

'Hey, guys,' I said. 'I hope you don't mind, but I'm feeling a bit chilly standing here without my clothes. I think I might need to get into the tub.'

Laura nodded. 'Good idea. I'll join you.'

Laura and I lowered our naked bodies into the pleasantly-warm churning water of the hot tub and, for a moment, it looked as though Elspeth was going to join us. But instead, she sat on the edge with her feet in the water and spread her knees.

'I like talking about sex,' she said. 'I like talking about cocks and cunts. Talking about cocks and cunts excites me. Can you see how my cunt lips are swelling up?'

I could. But I had no idea what to say, so I said nothing. Laura, too, remained silent.

Perhaps taking our surprised silence as an indication that we couldn't see how her outer labia had plumped up, and how inner labia were now quite prominent, Elspeth used her fingers to help us to a better view. 'Is that better?' she asked.

'Thank you,' I said -- although goodness knows why. And then in an attempt to move the conversation on, I said: 'This is a really nice spot, isn't it.'

But Elspeth was not to be distracted. 'I like people looking at my cunt,' she said. 'I like seeing how they react. Is your cock getting hard now?'

'Well ... umm ....' Yes, it was. Partly because, under cover of the churning water, Laura had started stroking it. 

Fortunately, Laura the provocateur briefly became Laura my rescuer. 'I think Mike would have to be dead -- or at the very least deaf and blind -- not to be aroused by your erotic display, Elspeth,' she said. 

Elspeth nodded. 'Yes. Yes, I'm sure he would,' she said. And then she peered intently at the mass of masking bubbles. 'If you stood up, I could see.'

'If I stood up, I'd get cold,' I told her.

'Not for long,' she said, in a slightly pleading way. 'I'd just like to see your cock now that it is getting hard.' 

And then Laura decided to get mischievous. 'Yeah, come on, Mike. Show Elspeth what's happening. After all, she showed you hers.'

And even Murray, who, up until that point had been very quiet, joined in. 'Yeah. Fair's fair, Mike,' he said with a grin from ear to ear.

Reluctantly, I stood up. 'OK?'

Elspeth nodded. 'Yes, much better,'she said.

I wasn't sure whether 'much better' referred to the view she now enjoyed or the fact that my cock had ... um, shall we say 'developed'. She had, after all, said that she liked to watch cocks getting hard.

'I'm pleased you think so,' I said.

Elspeth nodded. 'Yes,' she said. 'I think I'd like to touch it now. I'd like to see if I can make it grow bigger still.' And almost as an afterthought she added: 'Would that be alright?'

But Elspeth's permission-seeking 'Would that be alright?' was not addressed to me. It was addressed to Laura.

'Fine by me,' Laura said. 'But you might need to ask Mike.' Laura's elegant shoulders jerked a couple of times as she struggled to suppress a fit of giggles. 'Technically, he's the owner.'

Elspeth nodded. 'Technically?' she said slowly. 'Yes. Yes, I suppose so.'

And that's when I lost it. 

'Technically? What are you saying? I am the fucking owner. It's my fucking cock. I grew the fucking thing. And I grew it for my own fucking benefit, my own fucking pleasure.'

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Laura was now about to break into a fit of laughter that might not be easily contained. 

Even Murray, who had remained curiously detached from the whole scene, was sporting a broad smirk.

'Elspeth,' I said, 'I'm sure you're a very nice lady with a very nice cunt -- and don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with the word cunt, it's a word I like, it's a word I use -- but ... jeeze, Elspeth, you live in a different world!'

By then I was out of the hot tub, dripping water everywhere, and desperately trying to spot something resembling a towel.

'OK, so this is your home, your territory, your rules, Elspeth. But now I think I need to find my clothes, call a cab, and get back to my world. No offence,' I said.

Elspeth frowned slightly but nodded.

From somewhere, Murray produced a couple of towels, and Laura and I hastily wrapped ourselves in them and headed back towards the kitchen.

We were careful not to look at each other. We both knew what would happen if we did.

And, once we were back inside, it did. As we stood in the kitchen, drying ourselves off and scrambling back into our clothes, neither of us could stop laughing.

Eventually we managed to compose ourselves. I called a taxi. And then we went back out into the courtyard to bid our host and hostess goodnight.

Murray and Elspeth were sitting side by side in the hot tub -- Murray vaguely smiling, Elspeth vaguely frowning.

'Well, goodnight,' I said.

'I heard you laughing,' Elspeth said. 'Did Janet tell you a good joke?'

'Laura,' Laura said. 'And, yes. Yes, I did.'

'Are you going to tell us your joke?' Elspeth asked.

Laura shook her head. 'To be honest, I don't think it's really a joke for polite company.' And then she added: 'You do understand, don't you, Elspeth?' 

Elspeth just nodded.