7 comments/  7567 views/  3 favorites

Dealing with Death

By: Otazel



Jason opened his eyes slowly and looked up to find himself seated in front of an old fashioned solid oak desk. Behind the desk sat a black silk boxer's dressing gown with the hood up, or at least, that's what he thought until he saw the scythe leaning against the back of the chair. Strangely, he too was wearing a robe, but his was hospital white. His mind cleared quite quickly after that.

"Good morning." 

The voice, deep and funereal, seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere.

"Er! Good morning." Jason replied, looking around nervously and wondering just who he was replying to. The room he was in seemed to be a large oak panelled and shelf lined study, the shelves filled with row upon row of black bound and gold lettered ledgers.

The figure behind the desk looked up and folded its arms on the blotter before it, skeletal hands protruding gloomily from the sleeves. For some reason the fact that the black hood of the robe seemed empty didn't alarm Jason at all, he simply regarded the dark space inside the hood as if it were a face and waited for something to happen.

"I am Death." The sepulchral voice explained. "And I expect you're wondering why you are here?"

"Death?" Jason raised his eyebrows quizzically.

"Yes, Death. You know, the Grim Reaper. I'm sure you've heard of me?"

"Heard of you, yes. I just wasn't expecting to meet you, not yet at least."

It was slowly dawning on Jason that he was in fact dead.

"Nor would you have, if you hadn't decided to screw your neighbour's daughter just as he was expected home from work."

"Oh, so that's what happened!"

He had a vague recollection of the sound of a door being thrown open behind the bed just as his balls were tightening in readiness to empty themselves into the eager pussy of the flaxen haired and eighteen year old Natalie. There had been nothing he could do about it, his own urge to ram his cock deeper into that warm wet sheath was far stronger than his desire to look over his shoulder at her outraged father, even if the long slim legs locked around his waist and the tensile steel fingers digging furrows into his shoulders would have let him.

"In fact." Death was continuing. "You shouldn't be here yet at all. You weren't scheduled for a good few years, but even the best of us can't foresee everything. The bullet was supposed to miss you and take out Natalie instead, but you both came at that very moment and your bucking and fucking radically improved her father's aim, with the result that you are here now instead of her."

"So she's alive?" Jason was strangely relieved.

"Oh yes! The bullet was pretty well spent when it hit her. She'll have a scar over her left ear, but apart from that she's fine now."

"Fine now?"

"Yes. You both spent a fortnight in intensive care, but while she got better, I'm afraid you didn't. Nine days I spent sitting beside your beds wondering which of you I would be escorting away. That's nine days out of a very busy schedule, I'll have you know."

"Oh! Sorry. So what happens now?"

Jason felt tentatively all around the back of his skull, but everything seemed intact. But then, he supposed, it wouldn't have been very good for him to be trailing bits of brain and bone behind him.

"Well I'm afraid the records at the Pearly Gates aren't as up to date as one might wish, so you'll have to stay here for a while."

"And where, exactly, is here?"

"Here? Didn't you realise? This is Purgatory, it's where everyone stays if either they aren't ready to move on or their destination isn't yet ready to accept them."

"And I guess I fall into the second category?"

"I'm afraid so."

"A bit of a cock up in both senses then!"

"Yes, I suppose so, but look on the bright side; at least you haven't gone downstairs -- not yet anyway."

"That's true." Jason acknowledged, thinking back briefly to a short but happy twenty-seven year life spent mostly drinking and fornicating and hearing the 'not yet' part of Death's words.

"And I'm going to offer you a job that -- if it's done well -- might help improve your chances of not going there when your proper time comes."

The cathedral like voice was beginning to grate on Jason's nerves, but the message sounded hopeful.

"A job?"

The cowl nodded.

"I'm going to assign you to the Unfinished Business (Sexual) Department. Natalie was singing your praises as a lover while she was in her coma." Death paused. "Well, actually she was mumbling your praises, and her parents were not very amused, especially when she described how good your tongue is. Her mother was quite perturbed, judging by the way she wriggled in her seat. Anyway, that's why you're being offered this job."

"But what job? What would I have to do?"

"Yes, of course. You're new here, aren't you? So you wouldn't know."

"Know what?"

"What I'm going to tell you."

That was a conversation that could have gone around in circles for eternity, but even Death couldn't spare that much time and so he went on to give an explanation.

"We have a young lady with us at the moment who is kind of overstaying her welcome. The problem is that she was saving herself, in the sexual sense, for the right man to come along, but unfortunately I came along instead, summoned by a seven ton truck that wanted to occupy the same bit of road as she did, and at the same time. Now she finds it difficult to accept that she's dead and, not to put too fine a point on it, stubbornly refuses to move on until she's had at least one good fucking. She is not prepared to miss out on the experience, she tells me, and I can't change her mind."

The cowl regarded Jason gravely. 

"Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to seduce and satisfy this young woman, and to give her that one good fucking that she's waiting for. This offer will self destruct in five seconds, would you be interested?" 

"Well, yes, of course I would."

Jason had visions of a beautiful young virgin desperate for him to deflower her.

"You won't have long to do it in, you see I can't be doing with dissatisfied customers stuck around the place for all eternity." 

"That's ok. I can cope with that, I'm a pretty quick worker. But what if she doesn't fancy me?"

"Oh, but she will. I can make sure she does. You will appear to her as her dream lover, the very man she was waiting for, so you won't have to worry about that. So, do you want to give it a go? Make her happy enough and you might earn yourself a place upstairs."

"Yeah, ok, why not?"

"Good man. Wait a minute, I've just got to give someone an extra few years -- he's been good to his mother you see -- and then I'll take you along to the department."

Death reached out his bony fingers and turned over a large black hourglass that stood on a shelf behind him.

"Good deeds bring rewards, isn't that what they say?" He asked Jason rhetorically, by way of explanation.

"Right, let's go." With a little clacking and rattling of skeletal parts, Death raised himself from the chair and set off on bare foot bones for the door.

Out of the door they were in a long, seemingly endless corridor that stretched off in both directions, the same dark oak panelling lining its walls. Death turned smartly left and set of at a quick march pace that Jason struggled to match.

"Slow down a bit." He pleaded, quickly running out of breath.

Death looked down at him and the empty cowl nodded in understanding.

"Sorry. I get used to travelling light." He told Jason, slowing down and at the same time peeling back a sleeve to reveal the dry bones of his arms. "I forget you've got all that flesh to cart around."

The corridor had seemed without either beginning or end, but within a hundred yards they came across a junction, the panelled walls carrying direction signs in black Gothic lettering shadowed in red.

'Unfinished Business' the main notice proclaimed, with sectional signs fastened below it. Apparently, to the right were 'Revenge' and 'Forgiveness', while the sign to the left announced 'Sexual' and 'Financial'. 'Everything Else', a third sign told them, lay straight ahead.

Death swung left and Jason followed.

"What do the other sections deal with?" He asked.

"Well, Financial is mostly things like Wills and such like, or people who've salted money away and forgotten to tell anyone where it is."

The corridor seemed to amplify the echo in Death's voice.

"Revenge is what it says, and so is Forgiveness. In both cases it's most often the way people arrived here that triggers off their need for these sections. We get a lot of clients who need a psychic to take a message to those who helped them leave the mortal world, stating that they either do or don't forgive them. You wouldn't believe some of the requests we get, especially from the Revenge Section. It makes a Reaper's bones rattle, it surely does." Death's robe shook slightly at the thought, and a demonstration of rattling bones could be heard. "They're by far the largest sections, and the most clear cut. Almost all Forgiveness clients go upstairs and almost all Revenge seekers are on their way down, though it's not set in stone of course."

Death swung open his arms in an all encompassing gesture as he marched along.

"And obviously, 'Everything Else' is everything else."

Another junction loomed up ahead. This time it was simply Financial to the left and Sexual to the right. They swung sharp right, Jason needing no prompting this time.

Before then now lay another long corridor, but this one had doors set into both sides at regular six foot intervals. Death led the way to the first door on the right and turned the handle.

"This is your apartment." He told Jason, pushing the door open.

It was indeed his apartment, the one he had left behind seemingly only a short time ago to climb into bed with the delectable Natalie. But somehow the dimensions of the inside did not quite match those of the outside. Behind the door his lounge stretched much further than the six feet to the next door. A bemused Jason shook his head and entered.

The apartment was just as he had left it, except that the doors to the kitchen and bathroom were simply not where they should be. The bedroom was there, and off that the shower, but of a kitchen or a toilet there was no sign.

Death must have noticed his perplexed gaze.

"You won't need the other rooms. That's why they're not here."

"Why won't I?" The question was out before he'd thought about it.

"Look. I would have thought you'd have figured it out by now. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're dead, as in deceased, lifeless, departed, no longer living."

"I realise that."

"Then surely you also realise that you won't need to eat or drink. And if you don't need to eat or drink, then you won't need to indulge in the other disgusting practises that mortals are stuck with."

Jason's brain had been whirring away even as Death spoke, and he came to the right conclusion just as his guide spelled it out to him. Dead men don't eat, drink or shit; it was as simple as that. He nodded his understanding.

"Right, I'll leave you to settle in. Your client is in the first apartment along the corridor. You can start when you like, but I wouldn't leave it too long, she's getting a bit restless as it is."

"My client." The word sounded strange. "Is she, you know, all there? I mean is she complete?"

"In what way do you mean?" Asked Death, to whom not being 'all there' had connotations of insanity.

"I mean..." Jason struggled for the words. "I mean, a victim of a road accident? I mean, I won't have to make love to just a torso or anything, will I?

"Aren't you all there?" Asked Death, a certain amount of contempt in his voice. "You had half your bloody head blown off, but it's all there now, isn't it?"

"Well, yes." Jason remembered his furtive cranial exploration from earlier.

"And so will everyone else be. Think about it, boy. What good would it be to send someone upstairs to play a harp if they don't have any hands anymore? We give people back any missing bits in the admissions suite, before they get this far even."

"Sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"Typical." Death sniffed, though he didn't actually have a nose to sniff with any more than he had a mouth to speak with. "You'll remember where to stick your dick I expect though, won't you?"

Death glanced eyelessly at his portable hourglass.

"Right, I'm going to leave you to it. Start as soon as you're ready. I've got to go, there's due to be a train wreck in China in an hour or two, and I expect to get a bit busy. We'll talk again soon."

The door opened and, with an urgent bony rattle from his legs, Death stepped through it and disappeared. Not moved out of sight, but simply disappeared, not there anymore, gone!

Jason stood in the middle of the room, his room, for several minutes, trying to get his head around things. In fact he was still there when a discreet cough, sounding much like a jangle rather than a cough, took his attention back to the still open doorway. There, with only his empty hood and one bony hand visible around the doorframe, stood Death.

"Just remembered." The hollow echo announced. "If you look in the top right hand drawer you'll find some lube and some other things that might help. See you later."

The hand and cowl withdrew and Jason was left alone once again. The top right hand drawer did indeed contain some lube, along with a couple of vibrators, handcuffs, a triple-x film and a feather duster. Perhaps, he thought, the film was so bad that you needed to be handcuffed to watch it, but what the duster was for he had no idea.

"Oh, by the way." Death was back, peering in through the doorway for a second time "Her name is Amanda."

There was swirl of black robe and he was gone again, disappearing before Jason could ask about the duster. Jason pushed the door closed, he could do without the Grim Reaper showing all the persistence of a glazing salesman.

For a little while he mooched around the apartment, but then he got bored. So much of living is taken up with eating and drinking (and the resultant activities), and with staying clean and warm, that not having those things to occupy oneself with can get to be very dull. 

He looked for something to do that would keep him busy, but found nothing. He didn't want to watch a film, any film, let alone the one in the drawer, he didn't want to listen to music, he didn't fancy a stroll along corridors that changed length as you moved, and he didn't need to sleep. In fact sleep was something he was very worried about, in case it became permanent. 

Then he realised that what he was really doing was putting off the moment when he had to meet the girl he was supposed to seduce. He sighed, slipped the lube into the pocket of the robe he found he was wearing, and set out for her door.

He stood in front of her door, squared his shoulders, and knocked. He didn't need to wait for an answer. As soon as his hand made contact with the door it swung gently open, propelled quietly by the rapping of his knuckles.

"Hello?" He asked nervously, peering around the door.

"I've told you before. Fuck off!" 

The female voice was strident and not open to negotiation. Its owner was nowhere to be seen, and the room that faced Jason was another empty living room. He walked slowly and carefully into the room and pushed the door quietly shut.

"Where are you?"

"If you wore your fucking head sometimes, you'd be able to see."

She had mistaken Jason for Death.

"That's not me. Where are you?"

"I'm trying to get some sleep, so I'm in the bedroom. Where else? Now fuck off and leave me alone."

The job was not going to be a walk over, that much was becoming clear.

"You can't sleep, you're dead, remember?"

"So you say. And I told you to fuck off!"

"And I'm not going to."

"So what do you want this time? If I'm already dead then I can't die twice, so fuck you."

She still thought it was Death in person. He advanced into the bedroom, still trying to explain.

"No! You got it the wrong way around. I'm here to fuck you."

She rolled over to look up at him, holding the sheets close up under her chin and with her mouth already forming the next stream of expletives -- but then she changed.

"Robbie! God, Robbie, what are you doing here? You look really silly dressed like a monk."

For a moment Jason felt confused, even more confused than before if that's possible, but then he remembered that to her he'd look like the girl's dream man. He couldn't think which Robbie she'd mistaken him for, but he was willing to lay odds it wasn't Robbie Burns.

"I told you, I'm here to fuck you."

"Then maybe I am dead, because I've just gone to heaven."

"Not yet you haven't. But we're working on it."

"What makes you think I want you to fuck me?"

Jason paused for a moment, and then remembered Death telling him that she'd refused to move on until her dream man had screwed her stupid.

"Look." He began. "You remember seeing the guy in the robe?"

Amanda interrupted before he could continue. "Oh, Doctor Death, you mean? The dude with the empty head, the faceless wonder? The prize anorexic, the walking xylophone, the perambulating boneyard? Is that who you mean? No, can't recall seeing anyone like that." Her voice dripped sarcasm.

"Well, he's gone to an awful lot of trouble on your behalf. Because you told him that you refused to move until you'd had the fucking of a lifetime, he's arranged for me to come here and give you one. Now I don't particularly want to be here, any more than you do, but we both are, and so how about we get on with it?"

Now, that probably isn't the most seductive way to talk to a lady, but then he wasn't in a seductive mood. Apart from that, Death had assured him that she'd be a walkover for the person she saw him as, and anyway he wasn't too sure what was under that shapeless pile of bedding.

"I'm not sure I can now." Amanda looked almost serious. "I mean, I've never done it before, so I don't know how."

"Look lady" Jason was getting miffed, things were going nowhere. "Either you want to try being fucked, or you don't. If you don't, then let me know and I can get back to screwing girls who want it."

Actually he remembered that couldn't get back, but that seemed beside the point at that moment.

"Yes, but I'm a virgin, and it might hurt." She looked suddenly sad and worried. "All the women in my family have a thick whatsit."

"But you've been asking for it." Again, an exasperated Jason realised, he might have chosen his words more carefully. It might have been literally true, but it wasn't the most seductive observation he could make.

"But it'll be hard to break and it'll hurt." 

Behind them came that same discreet dry cough, sounding as if a rattlesnake was being embarrassed by its tail. Their heads swung towards the doorway where a black cowl was peering emptily around the opening.

"As a matter of fact." Death announced in his echo ridden voice. "I'd thought of that. So when you came in I just adjusted your hymen to make it easier. It's still intact, you understand, just a bit thinner and easier on the cock. It was no trouble, because that part of you had been under the rear wheel and your whole pelvic area needed repairing."

"Can't you just fuck off and leave us to get on with it?" Their two voices chorused as one. "That's not some thing we needed to know."

"Only trying to be helpful, I'm sure." With a hurt toss of the cowl Death vanished again.

"Let's do it then, before the Bag of Bones comes back and watches us."

"He can't watch." Jason told her reasonably. "He hasn't got eyes."

"He hasn't got ears either, but that didn't stop him eavesdropping." She pointed out. "So come on, let's get started."

Now it was Jason's turn to have a setback. "I can't. I haven't got a hard on."


Dealing with Death



"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Amanda exclaimed, more accurately than she realised. "You'd think stiffs would be the norm around here, wouldn't you. Come here and let's see what a blow job can do."

"A blow job?" He asked incredulously. A virgin was offering him a blow job?

"Yeah, a blow job!" She looked surprised that he'd even queried it. "How do you think I kept all my boyfriends happy while I waited for you?"

Jason frowned in surprise, but then remembered that he was supposed to be Robbie, her dream man, the lover she had kept herself safe for.

"Oh, right." He began fumbling with the fastening of his gown.

"I mean. Just to keep him out of my bed I even had to blow my own...." Her voice tailed away. "Anyway, I've done it a lot."

"You know." Jason told her thoughtfully. "It might be as well if you didn't mention any other accomplishments, especially if you really want to go upstairs. I mean, you didn't let someone in by the back door so as to save the fly screen at the front, did you?"

Amanda opened her mouth, but before she could answer Jason interrupted.

"No! Don't answer that. What Death doesn't know won't hurt him."

A quietly hollow voice whispered in his ear. "You forget. My ledgers contain everything that everyone's ever done."

"Oh, will you fuck off!" He yelled.

"What?" Amanda lay rigid with surprise.

"No, not you. I thought for a moment our friendly neighbourhood reaper had returned." He explained, adding hastily "But he hasn't."

"Oh!"

"Now, about that blow job." 

He began hauling the robe over his head, conscious that Amanda would get to see his lower half while his face was covered, but unable to see any way to avoid the indignity. Finally, after a bit of a fight, he threw the offending article to one side and forced his eyes back to Amanda, expecting to see amusement writ large over her face and knowing that she would be computing his angle of dangle with some disappointment.

But instead, she had thrown back her bedclothes and now lay completely naked with her legs a little way apart. 

But instead Jason fell in love. Amanda was the most beautiful thing he had seen in his life -- or afterwards for that matter. Her glossy black hair and blue eyes were only the beginning. She was built in the shape of his dream girl, lovely long tanned legs, an almost flat stomach, breasts that stood up for themselves even as she lay on her back and that were topped with gorgeous light brown nipples that looked just the right size to get your lips around. Not only that, but her skin was a perfect fit. 

He gazed between her legs, noting with some satisfaction that even the necessary folds and wrinkles were beautiful, and open, and pink, and shining wetly! Death sure had done a good job when he repaired her. His cock, so limp and lazy only a moment or two before, now instantly jumped to attention and begged to be used. Oh boy; was she ever asking for it. 

"Oh goody, you're ready. Will you do it to me now then, please Robbie?" 

Yes, she actually was asking for it. He moved forward to kneel between her legs, pushing them further apart and shuffling himself into position.

"Are you sure?"

"God, yes. I'm dying for a good fucking."

He ignored the badly chosen words and bent over, reaching back to guide his erection towards her waiting pussy. He found her entrance and pushed, expecting fierce resistance but encountering only a slight opposition that surrendered almost immediately. The discovery that Death had indeed eased his way in, coupled with the fact that she immediately wrapped her legs around him and hammered on his backside with her heels, soon made him slide bollock deep into her. God, he thought, I'm already in heaven without any help from the Reaper man.

"Oh, this is fantastic." Amanda shouted, her voice was loud in his ear and her talons scrabbled at his back as if intent on digging a trench in his flesh.

"Hey." He protested, the pain making him jerk still deeper inside her. "Take it easy, I don't think we can get any more repairs done."

"Don't worry." The disembodied voice whispered in his ear. "I've got a fully staffed body shop, if you should need it."

Jason opened his mouth to complain about the lack of privacy, but instead of words coming out, Amanda's tongue went in, and so he just shrugged his metaphorical shoulders and got on with it. Anyway, what he was doing easily made up for the minuscule inconvenience of having an invisible voyeur in attendance. To put it another way, he didn't really care who the hell was watching so long as he could empty his balls inside Amanda's delicious pussy. And she didn't seem to mind either.

It didn't take long. He hadn't had sex since he'd been shot, and he had no real idea how long ago that was, and Amanda had never had it before at all. So they were soon shagging like rabbits and telling each other more and more urgently that if things didn't slow down they were going to cum. But then neither of them had the self control to slow down, and they came at the same split second, heaving and pushing at each other while shouting out loud how good it was, while at the same time trying very hard to tear lumps off of each other with hooked fingernails.

"You know." She began as he rolled off of her. "I waited all my life for that."

"And was it worth it?" He hadn't the breath to ask more, and it crossed his mind why he needed to breathe at all. Wasn't he supposed to have drawn his last?

"Oh yes! And I'm glad it was you."

"All finished now, are we?"

They looked towards the doorway where an empty black hood was peering round at them again.

"Good God!" Amanda exclaimed. "You don't give people much time to recuperate, do you?"

"I thought you were supposed to be in China?" Jason asked, pissed off with being pushed for time when, as far as he knew, they had all eternity.

"Yes, I am." Death walked into the room and his cowl looked down to where he carried his hourglass swinging on a chord around his waist. "But I couldn't leave without making sure you got together ok."

"Well, we did, now you're going to be late, so can't you piss off and let us enjoy ourselves a bit more?"

"I'm only going to be a little bit late. It won't be a problem, they'll just have to lie there and groan for a bit longer that's all."

"How charming." Amanda looked up at him, making no attempt to hide herself. "So people have to wait to die whilst you're playing at voyeurs with us? That's not nice."

"You have to understand." Death began. "I don't get to see mortals doing that very often, and as it's not something I'm equipped to do myself..."

He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence before Amanda butted in. "I don't see why not, you're never going to be short of a boner, are you?"

"Do you really enjoy battering your squishy bits into each other each other like that?" If an empty hood could be said to look puzzled, then Death looked to be at a complete loss.

"You'd better believe it." Jason told him. "It's the best fun you can have with your clothes off."

"Oh, okay then, so long as you're both happy." Death shrugged with a bony rattle, then turned and addressed Amanda. "Well you've done it now, so how about we arrange your transport upstairs? You must be ready to...."

"No! You can sod off!" Even naked she had an air of authority about her, and Death was stopped in his tracks. "That was just a warm up. All he did was break me in ready for a good fuck the next time, and I'm not leaving without a proper session."

"Well, I'm afraid it's not down to you, it's down to me, and I've kept my part of the bargain, so I'm sending you upstairs to heaven with the next batch."

"Never mind." Jason comforted her. "We can carry on where we left off when we get there."

"Well, actually, I'm afraid that won't be possible either." Death's voice sounded even more sombre than usual.

"Why?" Demanded Amanda, her voice sounding exactly like angrily stamped feet.

"For two reasons." Death steepled his finger bones condescendingly. "Firstly, they don't allow that sort of thing upstairs. It makes such a mess of the clouds, apart from being recognised as a sin. You see, it's frowned upon except for procreation, and that's hardly possible after you're dead, now is it? So they just don't allow it."

"And the second reason?" Jason asked suspiciously.

Death looked so embarrassed that even his hood squirmed. "I'm afraid I can't let you go up there."

Both Jason and Amanda stared uncomprehendingly.

"But you promised..." Jason began.

"Well, I didn't actually promise, and in any case, I didn't know about your dealing in illegal substances at the time, and that's a definite no-no! So I'm afraid you're going downstairs."

"But, I only sold a friend a couple of wraps when he'd run out."

"That's not what the police thought, and anyway, a conviction like that gives me no choice. But look on the bright side, they don't mind a bit of fornication down there, as much as you like in fact, and it's nice and warm so you won't need too many clothes on."

"So what you're saying." Amanda joined in. "Is that I can't ever have sex again, and I've only ever had that one little shag. That's not fair. It's like serving the soup at a banquet, and then just as you're looking forward to the main course, telling you you've got to stop eating -- forever. Well, if it's like that, then I won't go upstairs at all, I'll go downstairs with Robbie and then we can screw to our hearts content."

"You forgot the fish course." Jason reminded her gently.

"Fuck the fish course. I want the whole bloody menu and I'm not going to go where everyone's on a fresh air diet."

"Don't be silly." Death put on his sternest graveside manner. "You can't choose where you go, now can you? What would be the point of me keeping all these ledgers about people and spending ages working out how innocent they are if everyone could choose for themselves? Doesn't make sense, does it? You have to go where your ticket says you go and that's all there is to it."

Amanda lay back and opened her legs wide, purposely showing her pussy. "What was the point of you doing all that repair work on me, only to then say that I can't make proper use of it?"

"Yes, it does sound rather wasteful when you put it like that, but rules are rules."

"But they're your rules, so you can change them."

"Well no, I can't change them, that's not within my remit, even though I do have the leeway to decide when to send my customers on."

"Then decide not to send me on until I've had at least one proper session. I mean, otherwise I'm going to be the most miserable angel you'll ever meet."

"Most of them are miserable." Death corrected her sadly. "It's boredom you know. Even the most innocent and pure of them finally get fed up with sitting on clouds and playing their harps."

"Then I'm going to stay here until you let me get properly fucked, the at least I'll have that pleasure to remember."

Death opened his cowl to speak.

"No! I'm not, and that's final." Amanda beat him to it. "I've told you, I want to be well and truly fucked."

"I tell you what." Jason spoke thoughtfully, leading Death quietly to one side. "How about we do a deal."

Death turned to face him - minus the face of course.

"Amanda is gorgeous, absolutely beautiful. She's everything I ever wanted in a girl, and I..." A penny dropped with a resounding clatter and, after a pause for thought, Jason moved forward to whisper. "She's everything you made her into after you read my mind, isn't she? And it would be a shame to waste your work."

Death put a bony finger up to nonexistent lips. "Sshh." He whispered back. "You're right, but don't say anything. If she realised you're only a counterfeit Robbie, she might get a bit miffed. Now what's your deal?"

"How long will you be in China?"

"I'm not sure. Depends on how many customers I get, probably until morning, why?"

"Leave us together -- uninterrupted -- until you get back, and I'll make sure that by then she'll be well and truly fucked and totally satisfied. How does that sound?"

"Hmm. Sounds good. But I don't really like doing deals with mortals." He sounded pretty unimpressed. "You have a dreadful reputation for trying to go back on agreements."

"Well, it's up to you." Jason used the age old technique of pretending to be unconcerned.

"All right. Just this once." He waved his finger at Jason, the bones in his arm grating together arthritically. "But just until I've dealt with this new lot, and then it's off to your final destinations with no more arguments."

Jason grinned happily as the robe swirled and Death strode out through the door. The fact that he didn't bother to open it made his exit even more impressive.

"What was all that about?" Amanda asked.

"I've just got us an extra night together, so we can have a bit of fun before we go."

"Oh! How?"

"By telling him that by the time he gets back tomorrow you're going to be fully satisfied and ready to climb those heavenly stairs."

"Hmm, is that a fact? Well, I suppose it's better than nothing." She smiled knowingly. "You'd best be good at it then, 'cos I want to try some different positions, and anal, and I want you to go down on me, and make me come with that vibe you've got, and anything else I think of along the way. So we'd better get started, don't you think?"

Different thoughts flittered through Jason's mind, from how did she know about the vibe, to 'I'm bloody sure she said she'd done anal before', to how the hell am I going to keep going long enough to do all that? Then he grasped the fact that he was dead and mortal problems like exhaustion and so on applied no more now than hunger and thirst did. He smiled broadly as his cock rose to the occasion once more.

"What do you want to do first?"

An hour and a half later and he was beginning to appreciate the benefits of being dead. He and Amanda had made love, untamed and very energetic love, in seven different positions, or was it eight? That depended, he supposed, on whether you counted her kneeling over him as different to her crouching over him. He came to the conclusion that it probably did, seeing as how they had both orgasmed in each position. So, eight times in ninety minutes and he felt no sign of his prowess diminishing. That was pretty good by anybody's standards, and especially by his usual mediocre stamina while living.

"Do you know?" She told him, levering herself into a sitting position. "I think you're getting better each time. I wish we could do this forever."

"If we did, then we'd get pretty damn good at it."

"That would be nice. I waited my whole life for this, and now it'll be gone again almost before I've got to know how to do it."

"Amanda." Jason held her hands in his. "You know I fancy you, don't you? It wasn't just for a ticket upstairs."

"Yes, I know." She smiled a tiny smile. "And I've always fancied you. Your posters were always so damn sexy!"

"I'd give anything for us to be together for always." He wished that she didn't have to believe that Jason was Robbie, because he wanted Amanda as Amanda, even though he knew Amanda wasn't really Amanda at all. He shook his head, trying to make sense of his own thoughts. Oh what the hell, it was getting him laid so why would he care -- but he did.

"Do you think we'd ever wear each other out?" The romance in his words had missed Amanda completely. She shivered from a lascivious thought, and then suddenly brightened. "I wonder if we can work something out?"

"What are you thinking of?" Hope sprang eternal, but then Jason could see that it was only a stray thought on Amanda's part.

"I don't know, I just wondered if we could work something out."

Amanda sighed, and then Jason sighed.

"This is no good." Jason said suddenly. "We're using time that we could spend doing something better."

"Like what." Amanda was still feeling glum, or would have been if any glum had been within range.

"Like each other. Didn't you say you wanted me to go down on you?"

"Mmm, yes I did, didn't I?"

When he thought about it, as his tongue lapped at Amanda's hard little clitoris, what surprised Jason most was that, even though he had spent the previous hour or so pumping cum into Amanda's pussy, it wasn't a sloppy cum filled bucket, and nor did it taste of anything except her own lovely juices. It was as if he had come into her, and then his spunk had found its way back into his balls ready for the next time. The ultimate in recycling. 

It must be something like that, he figured finally, because he wasn't eating or drinking and nor was he becoming empty. He didn't understand it, but he didn't fucking well care either, she tasted divine and that was enough to be going on with.

Another five hours passed, and they were still at it. They'd explored just about every position that either of them could think of. Jason had fucked Amanda's bum, savouring the wonderful sensation of having her warm, silky rectum fitted tightly around his shaft, they'd sixty-nined, even fingered each other, and then he had worn out a set of batteries in the vibrator in trying to exhaust her supply of orgasms, without success, and at the same time he had proved to himself that he wouldn't run out of spunk either. It was a sex maniac's dream, a partner that would never tire, and a libido that would never decline. Why oh why, he asked himself, couldn't things have been like that during his lifetime. 

But enough is ultimately enough, is eventually sufficient, is finally adequate, and after another hour he rolled away from her to lie on his back just gazing at the ceiling.

"You're not tired, are you?" She asked, reaching out to stroke his shaft encouragingly. "Because, I'm not."

"No." He responded as honestly as he could. "I just don't know what else to do to you. I've run out of ideas and now I'm getting bored."

"Okay, never mind, we'll pretend it's teabreak time. You always get an extra break when you work nights." She giggled at her own silly thoughts. "Just give me a cuddle for a while and then we'll have another go. Don't forget, we've only got until the Reaper gets back, and that could be any moment so we'd best not waste time."

He reached out an arm for her and she snuggled into him, her head resting comfortably on his chest.

"Is this wasting it?" He asked, enjoying the feel of her nipple against his side. "In any case, he said it would be morning."

"No, this isn't wasting it." She snuggled in even closer.

For a while they lay in each others arms, content with the contact, but then Amanda looked up at him to say something meaningless, just as he looked down at her to speak, and their lips kind of bumped into each other. When that happened they just had to kiss, but this kiss was different.

True, they had kissed before, in fact Jason had kissed all of Amanda's lips, several times, but this was not any ordinary kiss. This was an amorous kiss, the passionate kiss of one lover on another. Wordless and unplanned, his kiss contained all the romance that Amanda had missed earlier, and she responded with a lover's sighs. Jason was totally smitten - almost, but not quite, to the point of regretting the promiscuous lifestyle that had ended so suddenly in Natalie's bed.

As their tongues explored each others mouths they pulled each other closer, adjusting their positions so that they lay pressed together, front to front, chest against breast, pelvis against pelvis, cock against pussy, just enjoying the feel of one dead body against the other.

After a few moments their mouths parted and they just lay close, softly stroking each other's skin, fingertips running spider-like along spines and around shoulders to gently caress each other's neck, before lightly tracing arms and fingers, and then starting the whole journey over again. The feeling was warm and affectionate, that of true lovers, and they both moaned quietly in pure enjoyment.




Dealing with Death



After a little while Amanda sighed. "Mmm, I'm so enjoying this, this really is the life."

"No, it isn't."

"Isn't what?"

"The life."

"Why? What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing, but it's not life. We're dead, remember?"

"Oh yes. Mmm, this is the death."

They went back to their thoughts and to caressing each other, lying side by side in silent pleasure.

"Make love to me, Robbie."

"What?" Jason had momentarily forgotten his pseudo-name.

"Make love to me, properly. I just want to feel you moving inside me."

Jason hadn't forgotten their state of death, and he tried a light-hearted pun. "You make me sound like a worm."

"Oh no!" Amanda seemed confused. "You're much bigger than that, and harder."

"Thank you.... I think." He told her, rolling over on top of her, guiding his worm towards her pussy.

This time when he moved into her it was slowly, gently, and she to meet him, her hands pulling down on his shoulders even as her pelvis pushed up against him. It was an leisurely lovemaking, all soft kisses and caresses, each of them moving in time, unhurriedly and satisfyingly, until each could feel their own orgasm growing inside them. 

For Jason it was thrilling beyond measure. Not the exciting and exhilarating kind of thrill like his first ton on a motorcycle, but a pleasant, gratifying kind, the sort you got when your mum allowed your girlfriend to sleep over for the first time, even though you knew she'd only done it so that she could sleep with her new boss. He was pretty sure it was like that for Amanda too. She kept sighing happily, conveying her enjoyment without words as clearly as if she'd described every single sensation in detail. He was sure that she was as much in love with him as he was with her, even though she hadn't said so.

They came together, Amanda gasping little 'oh's' into his ear just as he began spraying his cum into her in long, heavy spurts. This time she didn't rake at his back, she just wrapped her arms and legs about him and held him close, welding herself to him as if frightened to lose a single tiny drop of his cum. Even when they had finished she lay and held him to her, not letting him move away, not even allowing his slippery cock slide from inside her. 

Not that he minded. Like her, he had the distinct feeling that this could be the last time for them, unless they could come up with some way of persuading the Reaper otherwise. He didn't care that he wasn't looking at the real Amanda, the one she'd been before she'd died. He was quite happy with the one he'd been given. What a shame it would be to find the love of his life... no, of his existence, just for them to be wrenched apart by their contrasting pasts. 

Eventually Amanda loosened her grip and he rolled onto his back, marvelling at the way his cock dried almost instantly as their mixed bodily fluids found their magical way back into their respective bodies to e stored for next time -- if there was a next time. There had to be a next time, he needed there to be a next time, and he was pretty sure, so did Amanda. He lay and thought about it, trying to come up with some way to persuade Death to spare them. Not spare them spare them, it was too late for that, they were already dead, but to spare them the consequences, at least for a while longer, and let them be together. Then the metaphorical light bulb came on above his head. He looked across at Amanda, who was idly playing with her clit.

"Hey, I think I've got the answer."

"Oh good. Do tell."

It wasn't the lovely feminine voice of his companion that he heard, but the hollow, deeply resonating voice of Death himself. He jerked himself into the sitting position, looking around wildly for the source. Death was standing behind him, holding his scythe as if he were sloping arms on parade.

"Bloody hell, how long have you been there?"

"I just got back, as a matter of fact. And before you ask, it was quite a successful trip. There were a few more customers than I expected, but none of them kept me hanging around waiting, not like some folk I could mention."

"I wish you wouldn't just appear like that." Jason remonstrated with Death and pointedly ignored the criticism. "Can't you knock, or at least discreetly rattle your bones or something, so that we know that you're there."

"Oh, sorry." Death tried very hard to look remorseful, but it wasn't easy without a face. "I'm not used to people who can see me. Anyway, you had an answer...?"

"Did I?"

Death's sudden reappearance had driven it from Jason's mind.

"Yes, or so you said. Although you didn't actually mention what it was the answer to."

"To our problem and probably to yours. Can you give me a minute to talk to Amanda?"

"Yes, I suppose so. A minute won't hurt, but I didn't think I had a problem."

Death walked back out, opening the door properly this time, too puzzled to remember to march straight through it. Anyway, he wasn't in the mood for showing off.

Jason turned to Amanda, wondering how to explain the idea he'd just had.

"You know we're in a section called 'Unfinished Business (Sexual)? And you know how he had to hire me -- with a false promise as it happens -- to have sex with you before you could go up to the pearly gates?"

He paused to see if Amanda was listening, or if playing with herself had taken her attention. She carried on gently playing, but nodded her understanding.

"Well, he must get other people who have things they didn't get round to doing in bed before they died, or he wouldn't need this section. And I bet that gives him a whole lot of problems, like you did."

She nodded again, her fingers twirling around the head of her clit.

"What if we volunteer to settle those problems for him in return for being allowed to stay here together?"

"You mean do things with people that they haven't done? So we'd end up having sex with strangers?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I know that's a draw back, having to do it with other people, but it would let us stay here together, if he's in agreement. And then we could have as much sex together as we liked. What do you think?"

"I think it's brilliant. And I don't mind doing it with strangers, not if it helps them move on. And it would stop us getting bored with each other like we did earlier."

"You won't get jealous of me with other women?"

"Not a problem." She shook her head. "I fancy a bit of variety, so why shouldn't you?"

Jason looked at her somewhat strangely. He'd expected more resistance than that, and a bit more loyalty.

"Then shall we see what he says?"

"Yes, let's. I do hope he agrees. Oooh!" 

Jason gazed adoringly at Amanda just as she began to gasp with her self inflicted orgasm.

"Have you decided what you want to say?"

That same cemetery voice sounded from Death, who was somehow suddenly standing peering down at the writhing Amanda.

"What's she doing?" The empty cowl turned to Jason with a puzzled look lurking in its darkness. "She can't be ill, not here. But that's what it sounds like."

"Well she had the big death, and now she's trying out the little death." Jason explained, alluding to 'la petite mort'.

"Oh, I see." Death clearly didn't see at all. "Now, what did you want to discuss?"

Jason explained his idea. There were, he said, bound to have been other people who died before fulfilling their sexual dreams, to which Death nodded in enthusiastic agreement, and this plan would absolve him of all the difficulties and problems that any future dissatisfied customers brought with them.

Death turned his back, and paced about the room.

He swung back to Jason. "And you would both undertake to sort out all of them, no matter what they had missed out on?"

Jason nodded happily, seeing that Death was close to agreeing, but not seeing the consequences of the contract he was about to enter into.

"And do you agree too?" The hood pointed itself towards Amanda, who was still panting from her climax.

She nodded even more eagerly than Jason. "I wanted to let Robbie be my first, but now I want as many as I can to make up for waiting, so anything that keeps me getting screwed will keep me happy." She beamed up at the Reaper.

Jason looked on disbelieving. Surely the girl he loved wasn't that eager to put herself about, especially because she knew how jealous that would make him. But it was too late for worrying now; he was on the verge of eternal sex with her.

"Oh, you'll get screwed all right, both of you." Death told her, an invisible smirk on his non existent lips. "All right. You have a deal. I agree. We'll just get you to sign these contracts. 

The two pieces of parchment appeared as if by magic and Death smoothed them out on the table, handing Jason and Amanda a quill each. Jason looked around for an ink well.

"You sign in blood, that's traditional. Just stab it into your arm, it won't hurt." Death instructed them. 

They did, and it didn't, and a few moments later their bloody signatures were affixed to the parchments, and they were committed. But at least they would now always be together, and Jason was sure that he wouldn't get jealous of Amanda being with other men. Well, he thought, it's not as if they could run off with her, is it? He frowned at this thought, but then put it out of his head, happy that he's found a solution to their problem.

"Right." Death told them. "Here's your client list for today. I'm afraid it's a bit more than usual. That Chinese train wreck has generated a couple that I didn't expect, and nor did they I shouldn't wonder, but I'm sure you'll cope. I'll let you to look through it and decide who you want to do first."

Jason took the list with a dawning suspicion that the two or three a month that he'd had in mind might be a little bit of an under-estimate. There were nineteen names, eleven men and eight women. He wouldn't get much time with Amanda after that lot.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." He whispered to Amanda. "I think I've landed you in it. You've got eleven men to see to."

"No I haven't, which is a bit of a shame." She contradicted him. "Look, it says here what they want, and three of them want to fuck another man in the arse, so you'll have to sort them out." She giggled. "They must have been killed in the closet so to speak, but never mind, they're out now!"

Jason felt himself go paler than ever.

"Oh look." Amanda pointed to a name way down the list. "There's a woman here wants to have a man go down on her. You'll like that. It's a shame that she's so old, and you'll have to be careful of her incontinence." 

"Oh my god!" Realisation was beginning to set in. "But what about you?"

"Oh, I don't care. I'll try anything with anyone. And I've often wondered what another woman tastes like." She pointed at the list. "Mmm, yummy! I'm so glad you arranged this for us Robbie, it's the best thing ever."

"I'm glad you think so." He told her, going steadily greener around the gills. He had just spotted a newly dead leper who wouldn't move on until he'd been sucked off by another man. "I can't think of anything worse."

"There, now you understand." There was a distinctly triumphant note in Death's otherwise funereal voice. "I said that Amanda would be in heaven and Jason was bound for hell. You see, when it comes to dealing with death, you can't avoid the inevitable, whatever you do."