3 comments/ 11015 views/ 0 favorites D&D Breakfast Club Ch. 01 By: GratefulFred (c) GratefulFred The adventurers meet outside the dodge ball competition complex knowing that they each shared either a total defeat at the hands of some local halflings squad or just wanted to get a cool smoke in the designated smoking area. Babygee, a slender beautiful robed elfish female opens up with some mindless dribble. "Damn hobbits! You try and put them to sleep and they jump the spell radius." A stocky dwarf named Carney looks over at the tall slender elfish figure and turns his face whispering "Filthy Elves" under his breath. He goes on to play with his long beard making sure his hands find an opening through his armor to stroke his hard stocky cock. He momentarily shuts his eyes and has one thought in his stone clad brain -- Sexy Elves! Piety, at least in dress, shows up in the form of Ema the cleric as she pulls out her light flail and examines it for body hair particles. She too sees the elfish girl's reflection off her steel shield but is too shy to make eye contact. Freddy the thief, taking a whiff of his hashish pipe, has just finished a transaction with a few half-orcs involving silver pieces and some herbs. He notices the elfish wizard saying some words but is more interested in what lurks beneath the robes of her clock. "You should've aimed your magic missiles at the little runts. Could've hit 5 at a time", Freddy says as he introduces himself. Babygee, the elfish fox in question smiles taking in the high dungeon level compliment. She gets a closer look at Freddy dressed in sexy studded leather. "I bet you could've nailed each with one of those throwing daggers of yours." Freddy notices he doesn't have any daggers visible but is sprouting a well noticeable boner that has caught the wizard's notice. Suddenly two new half-orcs make an unexpected entrance bumping into Freddy. Babygee takes a step backwards. "Is this Elf bitch bothering you brother? My fat friend and I here say we should fuck them Elves up. I'd slay them all if I didn't pull my back humping my tubby friend's goblin momma. Isn't that right Silent Bob? (Pause) Ah...fuck it...don't answer." Freddy grabs half-orc Jay's hand and twists it behind his back. He produces a dagger that is posed against Jay's neck. His silent partner pulls his sword out. Jay begins to panic. "Come on Freddy dude. Don't fucking stab me. Look here's the pouch I tried to swipe from you." Jay produces a pouch. "Just keep it and your smelly Elf babe." Freddy lets Jay go. "See you at the guild meeting dudes." Jay shoots Freddy two middle fingers and walks away with his life-partner just as several of the town's guards drop by. The leader looks at the group and speaks to his men. "Round them up men. The King needs a few patsy's". Freddy, Babygee, Carney and Ema are tied up and lead into the county dungeon. They are thrown into a cell and told the King will see them in the morning concerning some volunteer adventure thingy. Down bellow in the dungeon they get to know one another. "I wouldn't suppose you have some thief tools to break us out of here?" Carney asks of Freddy. Freddy pulls open his heavy backpack and besides a lot of bags of herbs, some tinder weed, some rolling papers, he seems to be empty. "Sorry dwarf-man. At least we can get high." Ema in the meantime begins removing her armor in sections as 3 pairs of eyes pretend not to stare but can't avoid stopping the drool. Freddy passes a joint to his cellmates. "I tell you this sure beats paying rent." Carney taking a puff, "Us dwarves are professionals at getting stoned you know?" Babygee exhales some ganja smoke revealing dancing stripper catnip "this may not be gnome illusionist shit, but its still good stuff." Ema is reluctant at first but after being encouraged she chants some spell and tokes up. Freddy asks about the spell and Ema says it was to give her a --1 on her saving throw. "You failed!" Freddy says as Ema falls on the dungeon floor giggling. Suddenly everyone starts to laugh. Freddy begins to get personal "You know when I was just starting out at thieves school, my mom said she'd kill me if I brought home a copper piece. One day I was really having no luck and it was getting close to Cartoon network "Ben 10" time, and I was still striking out, when I saw this stupid dwarf and I stole his pouch and I got a freaking gem. I went home and like hell I was going to give my lazy ass mom the gem, so I just stood there and dad gone gave me a beating. Everyone laughs but Carney with an ever-serious look on his face. "Think your funny rogue? Well one day my dad went into town to buy some armor and when he got there he discovered that his gem was missing. Some thief stole it. Ended up that he went into battle in some cheap leather hide shit and got cut up by some weak ass blind kobold." "Hey did I say I stole it from a dwarf? I meant to say I stole it from Worf, the Star Trek dude" Freddy responds as Carney has an angry look on his face. Ema getting up looks at the dwarf and offers some words of wisdom "You know if you loosen your armor a bit you'll have more room to jerk off." Carney pulling his free hand out looks Freddy in the eyes "I was just fucking with you Freddy dude. My dad never made a gem in his life." Freddy suddenly exhales a blast of smoke as the group all fall over laughing. Ema jumps in. "When I was just deciding to be a cleric my mom wanted me to be a druid. She sent me to this Druid camp. I remember one day it was like so embarrassing. Well as you guys may know from time to time we get these periods and stuff. Anyways here I was in PE and this cheetah started sniffing at my crotch. I tell you I freaked out. I mean what's with this animal shit? I tried to tell this cheetah to like fuck off, but they just don't listen." Babygee puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "So your mom let you become a cleric after that?" "Yeah. Turns out the cheetah went crazy and ended up killing a bunch of the other kids. I got expelled." Ema responds. The night grows longer as the group of newbee adventurers tells more and more tales of school and life. Soon morning arrives as they are summoned before the King to begin some pointless adventure. D&D Breakfast Club Ch. 02 (c) GratefulFred The King begins to speak to our rag tag group of randomly picked adventurers. "Dear brave noble warriors..." Suddenly the king stops speaking as an advisor whispers something in his ear. The king lets out a weak cough and continues. "Dear randomly picked adventurers whom have the misfortune of being drafted to tackle the menace of the arch-lich Lord Vexna, while we wait the arrival of another band of 20th level adventurers to replace the last party of 20th level adventurers who apparently have been defeated. You are so charged with occupying the evil demigod's time, taking on whatever torturous fate awaits you, putting on as best a show as possible in the name of King Mortimous J Leonardous. It is our sincere hope that Vexna will waste a few 9th level spells on you and we may be able to attack him before he has a chance to reload with them. Before we send you out do you have any questions?" "Since we are going on a suicide mission, do you think we could get a few magic items to help us?" Carney the dwarf asks. "Silence you filthy dwarf dog. How dare you speak to the king in such a manner?" one of the guards says. "Dearest omnipotent god of banging babes, who could slice open an enemy with a swing of his doubled bladed cock, since we are going on a suicide mission, do you think you could part with some low level magic items to help us on our quest?" Freddy the thief asks. The King himself decides to answer himself "Excellently worded question. I can tell from your attire that you are a thief who no doubt has such a high dexterity that any armor would be a detriment to your dodging prowess. And with you is a stout dwarf whose night vision is a feat even a King like myself cannot replicate. And I see before a Cleric, a true healer, is in your ranks, whose tender hands can bandage an injured soldier like none other. And if I were to put together a party of four, would I not pick an Elfish wizard, who cannot only cast spells but also perhaps find that secret door, whereupon you may strike at Vexna when he least expects it? Lead these steadfast warriors to the dungeon now." "Yes my lord", says one of the guards as the party of adventurers is given back their own weapons and armor (nothing magical) and lead off. It's a one-day march as the party is placed to between guards on horseback to insure that no one makes a dash for it. The party gets to talking. "Hey Carney, no offense but you like kind of weak for a dwarf" Ema infers. "Well you know before they begin fighter school, they want to see how many pounds you can bench press over your head. They give you a score of between 3 and 18 sort of like rolling dice. I did manage to score a 6, which is sort of bellow par but when no one was looking I put a 1 in front of it. This got me placed in some dwarvan defender program and due to a mishap I had whereupon my hammer slipped out of my hands and broke my foot in the first hour of school I was placed in jewelry design school against my will. I would've been a kick ass defender though" Carney responds. "That reminds me of a story" Freddy tells "I remember one day in thieves guides school when you have to run this obstacle course and avoid getting hit by these swords. Turns out the night before I was having some wild sex with a few sorority pickpockets and I was in no condition to even walk. I forged my name on one of the students' sheet and finished top of the class. The guild masters were so impressed with my score that they entered me into the dodge ball competition. I can collect on a few silver pieces if I can get out of here as I bet against myself." Babygee comes along side Freddy. "Tell us about your wild sex night Freddy. I could use a good story as I just recently broke up with some Elf wizard teacher recently." "So how long were you and your teacher together? Freddy asks. "We were just fucking for like 30 years or so. I figured he wasn't going to break up with his wife and plus his wood was starting to grow soft. I only did him because I was into this teacher/student thing. Now I am totally over it. I want younger guys now" Babygee tells. Ema jumps in "I agree 100% with you Babygee. All those old clerical nuns and priests kept casting "Kneel" command spells on us students all day long. After a while all that old cock and pussy gets to you. I say only young cocks and pussies for us gals. Freddy looks puzzled as eyes look at him waiting for his story. "Uh...where was I? Oh yes...I was with a few GIRL pick pockets and when you got such a great dexterity like us thieves you can try all types of sexual positions. So here I was penetrating them both at the same time..." "Wait a second Freddy...there's no way your cock can be in two girls at the same time." Ema responds. "That's Bullshit" Babygee adds in, as everyone looks suspicious. Ema jumps back in "And didn't you say you were tired the next day?" Carney rushes to my defense. "Dude. Did their breasts feel like bags of broken up stone?" To which everyone looks over at Carney. Fortunately for the guys in the party one of the guards pulls a sword out menacingly like and informs the party that they are making camp and don't try to escape. That night after dinner the four adventurers are placed in a tent whereupon Freddy breaks out another joint. "I hear this Vexna dude is like a 20th level Wizard/Cleric." Freddy says "How about we get Ema here to turn his undead ass or Carney to chop off his remaining arm with his dwarvan great axe..." "Light axe" Carney interrupts. Freddy continues. "Yeah dude. Or we can get sexy Babygee to bombard him with like a thousand magic missiles. Man I wish I had a video camera to video tape that machine gun action." Ema notices Carney playing with his beard. She watches as his hands go lower from the corner of her eye. She closes her eyes and imagines having sex with the dwarf, bringing him home to meet her Elf mom and Human dad, seeing the hatred brewing in her mom's eyes, imagining the dwarf sleeping in the guest room, imagines herself sneaking to the guest room in the middle of the night and seeing the dwarf getting a blowjob under the covers, and as she pulls up the covers she's sees her mom! "Wo!" "Hey Ema are you ok?" Carney says as he passes her the joint. Ema takes the joint and gives Carney a piece of her mind "Thanks you cheater." Freddy jumps in "Yeah dwarf dude take only your share. Pass the joint around. Hey I just got a thought. Since we are going for this real high level adventure what if we find some Wish ring. What would you wish for?" Ema passing the joint says, "I would like to be like the most awesome like Cleric. I'd be able to like heal people with my toes." "I still have regrets about not making it through defenders school. Once you graduate you get hired like right away and get dental insurance and a pension plan" Carney responds. Freddy adds a bit. "I'd like to play some kick ass guitar like this Half-Orc guy "Slash". The dude rocks. Besides that I think I'd like to be ahead of some thieves guild, but instead of stealing stuff, we'd just have parties all night long." Babygee feeling totally ripped tries not paying attention that her robe is open revealing her breasts. "I'd like to visit Key West and walk on Duval Street and get wild at Sloppy Joes." Suddenly a long sword comes through the opening as a guard gives the party a mean look. "Will you guys shut the fuck up? We've already fought off an invading force of 50 goblins riding on their Worgs and about a dozen bugbears while you guys have been chatting away. The men in our party really would like to hang you now for ignoring our calls for assistance, but since you are taking on Vexna we decided to let you live for now. However, if you make one peep before dawn, we are going to hang you. Understand? Now, lights out." That night Freddy and Babygee huddle up closely as does Carney and Ema. Every time they think about sex, they hear "Can we hang them. Come on Captain they are making noise." Unfortunately the morning arrives and the party is fed rather quickly and brought to the entrance to "The Tomb of Vexna" Before leaving Freddy asks, "Hey does anyone have a torch?" One of the guards hands the thief a torch as he puts it. "To visually see the horror that awaits." And with that the party heads into the dungeon.