13 comments/ 14928 views/ 9 favorites April Fool By: Alwaysraining About thirty years ago I did marriage counselling. A good number of my tales arise from those sessions, suitably doctored to preserve confidentiality. This little scrap of nonsense arose from an aside made by a client I was counselling. It was an additional little niggle in their troubled relationship, a side issue: he would play practical jokes on her, and apparently from what she said, some of his pranks were quite emotionally painful. I don't think we followed that up -- there were more important things to deal with in that relationship. No sex in this one, but a lot of fooling about! It is written in British English: eg 'fanny' = genitals rather than ass ------ It was April the First when I rang Seth's doorbell. I was going to ask him if he fancied a lunchtime drink. We were neighbours, and we got on well. Well, he opened the door and stood before me absolutely drenched to the skin. His hair was stuck to his skull, and his clothes were dripping water making a pool on the wooden floor. "What the fuck?" I exclaimed. "What's happened Seth? I was going to see if you wanted a lunchtime bevvy, but--" "Give me ten minutes to shower and change and over a pint I'll tell you all about it, and in the process something of my life-story. How's that?" So twenty minutes later we were sitting in the Fox and Hounds with our pints. "So go on," I urged him, "Tell me all." This is his story in his own words. ----- I wonder, Joe, how you are at taking a joke against you? Do you go along with the general laughter or go into a sullen silence, or perhaps become enraged? You don't need to answer that. You've heard people saying "I can take a joke as well as the next man." When you hear that, you know there is a 'but' coming. In my case the 'but' came after a number of such jokes. When I was in my early twenties, a good while ago now [he smiled: he was not that old], I met and fell in love with my Bernie, short for Bernadette as you know. She was pretty. Still is, of course. I don't need to bore you with details, you've seen her often enough. You'd agree she has a couple of outstanding features, and an outgoing personality. Well, in those days it was an understatement; she was lively, cheerful, vivacious and an incorrigible flirt. She was also very loving, and I mean very loving. Still is. We spent a great deal of time engaged in fairly athletic sex in bed and around my or her flat. I'll spare you the details. She fell in love with me, and I with her, and after six months 'going together' as we used to call it, I asked her to marry me and she said yes. So we were an engaged couple and she moved in with me, as was and is the fashion. Try before you buy. I left out one aspect of her character which you won't know about: she was mischievous. She loved to play practical jokes on people. I had my share. They were innocent enough before we became engaged. Things like ink-soap that blackened the face, salt in the sugar bowl, too much extra chilli powder in my chilli, that sort of thing. It wasn't constant, just every now and again, and usually when others were around to share her laughter at my discomfort. And yes, I laughed along with everyone else with gritted teeth, but laughed louder without the gritted teeth when they too were on the receiving end of her pranks. There was the time we were going to a formal dinner. She carefully unpicked the thread from the seam down the back of my dress trousers. Then when we were at a table in the dance that followed, and I was standing with my back to the dance floor, she dropped her bag and asked me to pick it up. The inevitable happened, and my trousers ripped completely from crotch to belt, exposing my boxers to the other tables. What a laugh! The only relief was that I didn't go commando, which would have been a real balls up. A while after we moved in together, the tricks changed and took on an even more sexual nature. I don't want to go into too many details, I don't want to imagine you laughing too hard at my discomfort after all this time Joe, but here is a precis. There was the time she reminded me, after I had stripped naked to get into bed, that I had not taken out the garbage bin to the front of the house, and the bin men were coming early. I sighed and got out of bed. "No one will see you, do it naked. Just put it out and run straight back to me, lover. I'll come down and be your look out by the door." Once I was outside in the nude, she locked the door. I stood on the porch until our gay neighbour Jeremy invited me out of the cold into his house, and proceeded to try to seduce me. I felt like a young virgin in the clutches of an ageing lothario! Of course he was in on it. How they laughed! I managed a light chortle. Then there was the time when John and Debbie were staying over. I went up to bed after locking up to find the bedroom door locked and the sound of a couple having loud sex in our bedroom. I thought it was Debbie and John until Debbie joined me on the landing. John was with Bernie! I was frantically hammering on the door, yelling for Bernie to open up, when she and John came up behind me. She put the key in the lock and opened the door to allow me to see the recorder on the bed having its own orgasm. How they all laughed! I almost managed a grin. Another time our friend Sharon, who was a fox, any man's wet dream, was alone with me in our living room. Bernie had intimated she was going for a long bath. Sharon said, much to my amazement, that she had always wanted 'a piece of me' and stood in front of me as she stripped off her tee shirt, then her jeans, displaying her lime green, translucent bra and g-string. No, not a thong, a g-string, in fact no more than a piece of string. It hid nothing of her not inconsiderable charms. The bra pushed her tits up and together. Her stomach had a gentle roundness which drew the eye to her crotch, if it wasn't there already. Then she leant forward displaying those glorious globes, unzipped me, fished out my pecker which was straining at the leash, then she straddled me and sat on my lap, slipping my rigid tool between her succulent bum cheeks, the lips of her gash hotly kissing my length. I was petrified that Bernie would catch us, but Sharon assured me Bernie would be gone for a long time. I was not convinced. She began to move her hips sinuously to and fro, and her bra-covered breasts were jiggling right in front of my face when she pressed my face between them. I was buried in their mammary delights when Bernie came into the room. She screamed, and then there was an almighty row. Bernie was calling Sharon all sorts of names, Sharon was yelling at her that I had seduced her, and I was apologising nineteen to the dozen to both of them! Apologising! For what? I'd done nothing wrong! I was an innocent bystander, if that's the word -- my cock had certainly been standing, but I was terror-struck by the whole scene. Needless to say my erection began to wilt; let's face it, that was not foremost in my mind. Then they stopped, laughed and shouted "Gotcha!" That time not a wisp of a smile crossed my quivering lips, and they were quivering, not with fear or mortification, but shock and anger. I hobbled out, pulling my pants up from round my ankles as I went, my cock waggling ahead of me, to the sound of Bernie shouting after me, "Come on, Seth, it was a joke. Loosen up!" We got over it, eventually, partially because Sharon came to me afterwards and said how much she enjoyed the feel of my cock. In retrospect, the feeling of Sharon's delectable fanny rubbing my cock would have been mind blowing if I had not been so frightened of being found out! Sharon said she was disappointed she did not get a fuck out of it; she actually said she was 'that close' to slipping me in! So was I. It would have turned the tables on Bernie, but I don't think we'd be married now. It got worse. There was the time when we threw a party and a number of people were staying over rather than drive home drunk. I went for my shower -- that house only had one bathroom, and while I was in there, Bernie crept in and took all my clothes, and all the towels. When I got out, I shouted to her, thinking I had forgotten to notice if there were any towels in the bathroom. No reply. So I opened the bathroom door dripping wet, to find she had assembled all our visitors on the landing outside. There was I stark naked, facing all our friends. They laughed. They pointed and there were some comments about my 'size'. They were not complimentary! I am absolutely average in that department I assure you, but it dented my confidence and embarrassed the hell out of me. I did not grin, or chortle, my lip did not quiver, I scowled, and slammed the bathroom door shut. Eventually Bernie brought me towels and a bathrobe. No apology. Neither of us spoke. Next morning I stayed in bed until they had all left. It caused our first major row, in which of course I used the famous phrase "I can take a joke," I mentioned before, along with the 'but', and I heard her scornful "You can't take a joke, you wuss!". There was a long and cool silence between us for a while, after which things thawed, but she never apologised even after all that time. I just gave in I suppose. You couldn't resist her sensuality and seductive under-dressing for long. ----- Here he went into some sort of reverie, a grin on his face. "Seth?" He jumped. "Oh, sorry. I was just remembering. The way she could slip her knickers... Oh, yes. Back to the story." He shook himself and continued. ----- There was a lull after that. While she didn't apologise and from her later remarks told me she thought I was a bad sport at the time, she probably did think that she had gone a little too far. The second major and this time a relationship-breaking prank happened at one of the wilder parties we went to. It was in a very large house shared by six friends of ours, and there was dancing in the cellar, food in the back room and drink in the kitchen. The other ground floor rooms were full of people talking in groups, but later one was darkened allowing couples to engage in various sexual activities and as a result be in various stages of undress. I had left Bernie dancing with some of her girl-friends to get her and myself another drink, and when in the kitchen was detained for some time in conversation with Tom, the fiancé of Ann, Bernie's 'best friend'. He was joined by Fred, and try as I might, I could not shake them off. Eventually I apologised, broke away and took the drink down to Bernie. She was not there, and neither were her friends. So I climbed the stairs and looked in on the kitchen. No one. Perhaps she was getting some food, so to the various rooms I went. Crowds round the tables, but no sign of her. Finally I took the drinks to the darkened room. It was dim in there, and so it took a few seconds for my eyes to become accustomed to the darkness. There were quite a few people in there as before. My attention was distracted by one couple: the girl was a corker and stark naked, her tight tits bouncing gently as she rose and fell with her back to her naked partner, who was fingering her. Then I saw Bernie. Now she had dressed sexily for the party in her crop top and micro-skirt, and under it a thong, and the first thing I noticed was that the skirt had ridden up over her bottom which was on display, and the thong was missing. The reason her bottom was on view was that she was kneeling in front of a man I did not know. He was sitting back on the sofa, his shirt was wide open and her hand was stroking his chest. His head was thrown back in ecstasy, and the reason for the ecstasy was Bernie. Her head was in his lap and she was bobbing her head up and down with his hand on the back of her head. She was giving the sod head! I did not notice that the room had become very still, as I leapt across the floor and pulled her off him. "What the fuck are you doing, Bernie?" I shouted. At the same time I noticed there was no sign of his cock. It was a set up. She had been acting. "Gotcha!" she crowed, and the whole room erupted in laughter, and there in the doorway were our friends who had followed me from the kitchen to enjoy my embarrassment. I turned, pushed through them, and left not just the room, but the house. It was a shortish walk to our house and before I had covered half the distance, Bernie had caught me up. "You stupid bastard!" she slurred. "Can't take a joke! You're pathetic." I stopped and turned to her. I was seething. "Where are your knickers?" I spat. She grinned at that and pulled them out of her handbag, not at all guilty. "Who did you fuck?" I growled. "You don't take your knickers off for nothing." "I didn't fuck anyone, it was part of the set up," she said scornfully. "I'm supposed to believe that? You think flashing your naked arse at all those people, showing your cunt to all and sundry is a joke? I don't!" and I turned and walked on. "Don't be such a prude!" she yelled after me. "Don't think I'm coming home after your behaviour!" "OK," I shouted, turning again. Lights were coming on in houses around. "Go back, but don't bother to come home after fucking your boyfriend. I think that's just about finished our engagement. I'm sick of your fucking practical jokes [which, if you think about it, they were]." I walked on. She stood for a while, clearly wondering what to do, before following me home. I ignored her as we prepared for bed and she said nothing either. Once in bed she turned to me, reaching out seemingly wanting some loving, but I turned my back and turned off the light. "Please yourself!" she sighed. "You should learn to take a joke." I was tempted to answer but since I had my back to her I kept quiet. Thanks to the drink I was asleep in minutes. The next morning was not pleasant. Both of us had hangovers, and as a result were ratty with each other even without the residual antagonism arising from her practical joke. She brought the subject up too early. "It was a joke. It was really funny," she said out of the air as we ate our toast as quietly as we could out of consideration for our headaches, and drank our coffee. "I've said it before, you really have to learn to take a joke." I said nothing since my mouth was full of toast. She took this to be sulking. "Grow up, Seth, sulking doesn't suit you." I finished my mouthful. "Bernie," I said quietly, "there's such a thing as a sense of proportion. You have no sense of proportion. Last night you pretended to be unfaithful as a joke. You took off your knickers and exposed your sex to everyone in that room. You should have seen the look on the men's faces. They were grinning even before you 'surprised' me. I don't suppose you saw their pitying looks at me. "Let me try to explain this to you. They were thinking, that's a nice piece of arse. Seth poor sod, can't hold on to his woman. What a loser! I think I'll have a shot at that cunt, she's obviously asking for it. "And while we're at it, let me take you back to that party at our place. You exposed me to all our friends. Did you hear what they were saying about my prick? You didn't just play a joke, you humiliated me completely." "Rubbish!" she retorted. "You're just a straight-laced prude." "OK," I said. "You're a practical joker, and you tell me I can't take a joke. You won't change and I won't change. We're engaged. Now. What's the logical step from here?" "What d'you mean? Next step?" "I mean, you can't stop humiliating me, and I can't see the joke. We're incompatible. So there's only one outcome, isn't there?" "You mean?" "Yes, Bernie," I said sadly. "Time for you to move on. Find yourself another fall guy, someone who can take a joke. Time to call our engagement off." Silence. Then: "You'd finish our engagement over this?" "Yes." Silence. "Seth," she said quietly, almost subdued. "I love you. Please don't do this." "If you love me, why do you insult me by humiliating me in front of all our friends? Doesn't feel like love from here." "Seth," she sounded exasperated. "I'm sorry, I don't see it that way, it just fun. It's just that you are too sensitive. You don't seem to be able to take a joke." "I agree with you, I can't take any more of your jokes," I said. "Either you stop or we're finished." "OK," she agreed after a pause. "If that's what it takes, no more jokes." "There had better not be," I replied, "because the next time you try anything, we're finished, you do understand that? I mean it, Bernie! There'll be no second chance. Finished! "Yes, I understand. I promise -- there'll be no more." So there was a truce. She came to me and we made up. It was almost worth the fighting. She was very good at making up -- on the dining room table, then in bed. ----- Again he fell into some sort of trance. Again: "Seth?" Again he shook himself. "Sorry, I was remembering... You've no idea what she can do with her... That table was never the same." He sighed and once again returned to his tale. ----- We were back in harmony, and true to her word there were no more jokes. But. It was Tom. He was living with Ann his fiancée, both of whom aided and abetted Bernie's little game at the house party. A couple of weeks after Bernie and I came to our agreement, one of our friends, Austin, had a birthday and there was another party. In a corner of the living room there were a group of us lads chewing the cud about our football teams and generally hanging out. Tom brought it up. Bernie had been talking about our private lives and conversations. I didn't like that. "Hey, Seth," he crowed, "I hear you've finally stopped Bernie enjoying herself!" The lads all sat up as if pulled by an invisible net. There were big grins all round. They remembered. "Oh, yeah," I said. "I've no real interest in Bernie any more. As you know Tom, I've had the hots for you for years! Time for us both to come out and get together; your place or mine?" Loud laughter. Tom's wide grin disappeared; everyone else laughed, but he was not a happy bunny. "I meant you won't let Bernie have any fun anymore, no more jokes? That's what she told Ann!" I was not laughing either. I got up and left the group. I looked for Ann, and met her as she came out of the bathroom. "Ann," I said, "can I talk to you?" "Yeah!" she said, slightly the worse for drink. We talked. She smiled, she grinned and laughed. And agreed: she found Sophie and gave her a message. Ann then excused herself and stepped back into the bathroom. "OK!" she called. I entered after her. She was on the worktop between two washbowls, her thong dangling from one ankle, her skirt covering her embarrassment. I moved between her legs as we heard the pounding of feet on the stairs, and began to simulate congress -- thrusting in and out. Tom arrived, along with the group. "Hey!" he shouted, "Get off her!" He rushed in and was about to grab me when I stepped back, showing my pants were still safely zipped up. "Gotcha!" Ann and I cried. Tom was not happy. He did not see the joke -- unlike our mates who were helpless with laughter. They also appreciated Ann's exposed state as she slipped off the worktop before putting her knickers back on. He turned to leave, but I caught his arm. "Are Bernie's jokes that funny if the joke's on you?" I asked. He stopped, and being highly intelligent saw the parallel immediately. He had laughed the loudest from the doorway and had helped to delay me so I would be fooled. Now he saw it from the other side. He grabbed Ann and the two could be heard arguing as they went down the stairs. April Fool Next thing I knew, I was attacked by an irate Bernie. "You lowlife!" she shouted, causing a certain amount of attention. "How could you humiliate Tom like that?" "Payback." I said. She stared at me and then the penny dropped. "So I can't play jokes but you can?" she snarled. "That was payback for helping you last time. I don't play jokes on my friends if they don't play them on me. Where's your sense of humour?" I relished that last comment! That was the end of the argument. Once again I got the cold shoulder at home for a day or two, then gradually things thawed. Her lingerie got more flimsy and eventually relations were resumed. You should see some of her underwear! On second thoughts, perhaps not. And Tom? He came to me one evening in the pub and apologised. He hadn't thought about the effect from the other side. It was two weeks before Bernie's and my wedding when Tom came back to me with a worried look. "Seth," he said as we got our pints. The women were in the throes of wedding preparations and we had agreed we were better off out of it. "I've got to warn you. Bernie is planning one last trick before you finally get hitched." "I don't believe it!" I said. "I warned her what would happen if she tried anything else." "She's planning it for your party. She reckons it'll be too late by then for you to back out. She did solemnly promise no more after that." "So why are you telling me?" "She wants to enlist my help. She reckons I'll want revenge after your trick at the party," he grinned, "but I know how I felt, and I'm not going to put you through anything like that again." "So what's her plan?" "She's going to make a video. It's for late on in the party. I'm supposed to video her and I think, John, as they go into your bedroom. Then the scene will change to them both in bed dressed, but under the covers and simulating him humping her. Once they've 'orgasmed' they relax for a few seconds -- long enough for you to get really angry, then they jump out of bed and shout 'Gotcha!'" "So this video will play at the party?" I asked. "Late on -- in front of all our friends, the lot?" "Yep!" he answered. "OK." I said, a plan forming in my mind. "This is what we do." I gave him a key to the house, and went to find John. Three days before the wedding, I had my stag do and Bernie had her hen party. Not the night before, because there was a meal for family at our house. Not two nights before, because we had a mixed party for friends -- no kids allowed. My stag do went off relatively quietly. We drank rather too much, even though we knew there was another party the next night. At the time we thought we were quite restrained. After the stripper had been and danced all over me, Tom came in and told me he had a video to show me, or rather two videos. We waited until the party finished before going to his place and viewing the two masterpieces. The first video was for Bernie. It began to play. Tom had deliberately made it to look as if a rank amateur were following Bernie and John, who everyone knew was hung like a horse. The picture bounced and twitched. They were in our house and going up the stairs with their arms round each other. "Just this once," she said to John, "I must have that huge thing in me before I settle down with Seth." "You'll get it all right, baby," scoffed John, "but you might not be satisfied with Seth afterwards!" John and Bernie were seen entering the bedroom, and then the scene abruptly changed to one showing the bed. John's head and bare shoulders were seen and he was obviously shafting Bernie quite hard. I had to admire his simulated action! "Oh yes, yes, yes John!" she cried. "This is how you like it isn't it Bernie? My cock stretching your tight little pussy?" "Oh yes, John, harder, please harder. You're so big!" And so on until with yelps and cries they orgasmed together. After gasping and sighing for a short while, they both sprang out of the bed. John, stripped to the waist and Bernie fully dressed in jeans and teeshirt. "Gotcha!" they shouted at the camera. "Bernie wants to give you this message, after the trick," said John to the camera, "that she promises solemnly that this was the last joke. She will never ever play a practical joke on you again." I nodded, "That's so true, but too late." Tom laughed and played the second DVD. It was exactly the same as the first one, until the point where they rested for a moment. Then two short scenes were carefully edited in. Tom had done a masterful job: you could hardly see the join. The next evening the party went roughly as parties do, people milling around, people talking, drinking, eating and dancing to various styles of music. Tom came to me. "I managed to switch the DVDs. Bernie was very pleased with hers. I'm supposed to come to you and tell you I have a DVD to show, an early wedding present from a well-wisher. Bernie's friends had done their job and a crowd gathered in the living room to watch it on the big screen on the wall. There was a good deal of muttering, knowing looks in my direction, secretive grins and giggling. It was clear most of the folk there knew something was afoot. I smiled innocently at Bernie. She smirked at me. So the DVD began to play. "Ooh," said Bernie, "What am I doing here?" as the pair on the screen climbed the stairs. Everything went quiet, and I affected a hostile stare at Bernie. She grinned. When the scene shifted to the bed, there were catcalls and cheering, and I heard a few comments using the word cuckold. I made as if to stand up, which caused more merriment as Tom pulled me back down. The orgasms were greeted with applause, and then there was quite a prolonged pause. Bernie looked surprised, as well she might, the pause was much longer than on her DVD. Then instead of the two bounding out of bed, John filled the frame as he got out of his side of the bed naked, his substantial cock at half mast, and wandered off screen presumably to the bathroom. We had suborned him to do this when on his own in our bed. He was something of an exhibitionist, and had no qualms about appearing naked: with his equipment that was not surprising. He had stroked himself to half mast and then got out of bed. There was a murmur of worry from the previously cheerful crowd, and a good number of glances my way. Bernie looked horrified, but there was worse to come. The camera abruptly changed scene to Bernie's side of the bed. For me, who knew the next scene (we had filmed it ourselves about six months before for our own enjoyment), it was obviously filmed at a different time, but no one else would notice. On the big screen, in full view, Bernie smiled at the camera as she climbed out of bed naked, and obviously just fucked. She stood with her legs apart, and put her hand to her sex, middle finger extended under her. The picture froze and the image remained of her in that pose. She would remember when she had done that for me some months before. For everyone else, she had just been fucked by John for the benefit of her husband to be. There was dead silence. Bernie suddenly shouted in anguish, "Turn that fucking thing off!" Tom pressed play and the screen went blank except for one word. "Gotcha!" "What's up, Bernie?" I mocked. "Can't you take a joke?" She burst into tears. I continued in the shocked silence that followed. "You remember, I hope, what I said the last time you tried to humiliate me? If you ever tried to do anything like that again, the wedding would be off. "It's off. "Perhaps you understand now how I felt when you played your stupid tricks and made me look a fool. You can explain to the family why there's no wedding. Why not play them the DVD? I'm sure it'll give them a good laugh. Good bye Bernie, have a nice life!" With that pandemonium broke out, and Tom and I left the house and went to his place, where Ann, looking sombre as well she might, made us some coffee and allowed us to unwind. It was late; time for bed really, but the house phone rang. We all knew who it was. I know conventional wisdom turns off all phones and refuses all communication, but in fact what Bernie had been doing wasn't all that serious. It was just that I couldn't face a lifetime of humiliating tricks and if I'd allowed that one, I thought I would never be free of them. I personally didn't care if I got married or not, but I did love Bernie very much, and therefore I was torn. On one hand I couldn't live with a trickster; on the other, I really wanted to share my life with her. So when Ann picked up the phone and looked quizzically at me, I took the phone from her. "Hello Bernie." "How could you do that to me, Seth?" she asked. She didn't seem angry, just sad. "Easy," I replied somewhat flippantly. "I had a good teacher. You displayed me naked to our friends, I did the same to you. You pretended to give a blow job, I made a video pretending you were really unfaithful." "I'm sorry," she said. "I never meant to hurt you, you know. I do love you very much." "Bernie," I said patiently, "I told you how much you hurt me. I told you I wouldn't put up with it any more. You agreed not to do it any more. You said I was worth it, then you tried to do it again. Well, it got up and bit you. Now you know the feeling." There was muffled sobbing at the other end. Listen," I said. "Get some sleep. Come to Tom's tomorrow and we'll talk." "Does that mean--" "No," I cut in. "I told you the marriage would be off if you tried anything. I meant it, but it doesn't mean we can't talk." "You mean stay together?" "Perhaps. It depends on what we decide when we talk." "Thanks, Seth." "Good Night Bernie." ---- Seth paused in his tale. I got him another pint and waited. He relaxed, drained half of it, and continued. ----- OK, I can tell you won't allow me to leave it there. That could be seen as a poor practical joke [he grinned at me]. The marriage was off. She explained it to the families, and had a hard time, but was forgiven on my pleading that she'd been punished enough. We had the reception and the party in the evening. After all we'd already paid for it. At both, Bernie apologised for causing the cancellation of the wedding. She said something like this: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this will be the only speech. I played a number of humiliating jokes on Seth, and when he complained I always told him he couldn't take a joke. One joke was so bad, now I look back on it, that he threatened to end our relationship and the wedding if I didn't promise never to play a joke on him ever again. "I promised. Then, well you all know what happened. I tried to play a last joke, and he turned it round on me. It was only then I realised how he had felt. "So," here she went down on her knees. "I'm sorry Seth for all the tricks I've played. And for ruining our special day. I promise before all these people that I'll never play another joke on you, or anyone else." I lifted her up. "I forgive you," I said, "and I promise to live with you as long as we both shall live, or until you play the next practical joke." There was applause and some laughter. We then solemnly cut the 'living together' cake, and drank champagne to our future together. Well, she was true to her word. She never played another joke on me ever again. Two years later she got pregnant, and I took her to the register office and we got married. We'd had the wedding meal and the party two years earlier. She cried all the way through the quiet ceremony, to the confusion of the registrar. As I said, I can take a joke as well as the next man, but. ---- Seth paused and had another drink from his pot. "But today?" I asked. "You were soaking wet. Surely that was a practical joke?" "Today," he said, affecting solemnity, though with a wry grin, "a plastic bucket of water, placed over my study door drenched me to the skin. "Mark, my oldest son, apple of my eye, only twelve years old mind, laughed and laughed, 'April Fool Dad!' "Immediately I turned and looked accusingly at Bernie. "'I had nothing to do with it.' she was laughing. 'It's April the First, All Fool's Day. All his own idea, must be in the genes!' "'OK.' I said with a smile. 'I can take a joke!' and smirked at Bernie who was aghast at the hypocrisy of my comment. I did enjoy that! "Then you rang the doorbell. "I got dried and changed, and just before coming out, I made my son an apple-pie bed, and put the ink soap in his soap-box. I'm looking forward to bedtime." Seth sat back with a serious though contented expression, as, like Bernie, I looked at him in some amazement. Then a smile began to play on his lips and on mine. "My round, I think," he said, going to the bar. April Fool I didn't really need the part time job I held at the clothing store. I have a secure, professional job. However, I am also a former business owner who still desires to learn about many different types of businesses. I also have nights free so I have spent many nights over the past few years working several part time jobs in different types of businesses learning first hand as much as I could about them. I have worked primarily in bars and restaurants but I have always been somewhat intrigued by the retail clothing business. So I applied to a few of the typical stores found in every mall across the country, but I soon found out I was being overlooked mostly because I was overqualified. So I decided to take a different approach with one business, a women's clothing store located in a strip mall not too far from my residence. Rather than send my resume to the manager I walked into the store and inquired about the opening. I could tell that Jill, the hiring manager, was more than a little interested why I would be pursuing a part time night job that mostly entailed handling shipments and restocking inventory. Jill was satisfied with my reasoning that I needed to learn first hand about the business to fully understand it. So I began working a couple of nights a week beginning in November. I think the fact I had showed up just prior to the Christmas season helped my chances of being hired. I was the only male in a staff of about 15 other employees, many of whom I never met because I spent most of my nights working with the same group of 3-4 women. All of them were quite pretty and very friendly. I established a good bond with them. I think they especially liked that I was a good listener and didn't carry the usual male baggage of sex role rigidity. At 5' 7" and 145 pounds I am quite fit and athletic but I also had no problem sharing with my colleagues that I got regular brow waxing, facials, and pedicures. I did not disclose to any of the women that I also occasionally shaved my body and liked to explore my feminine side by crossdressing periodically. Christmas season passed and the spring clothing line hit the store. I continued to develop friendships with a few of the women. I considered dating more than one but short of gong out for occasional drinks I thought it best to keep things professional for the time being. This became harder as time passed however, especially because I was developing a strong desire to fuck Jill. I imagined how hot and long our love making sessions would be and I had an inclination that Jill at times was sharing this desire. Then one day in the middle of March as the snow was swirling around I walked into the store to hear two of the saleswomen, Amy and Tara, lamenting about the weather and how the store should shake things up to get everyone out of the winter doldrums. Out of the blue Tara suggested that the store have a dress in drag day on April 1st. I pretended to be uninterested as the two exchanged ideas how this event could stir up some business. Then Amy asked, "What do you think Andy?" I had already carefully thought of a way to respond if either female had tried to bring me into the conversation. "Sounds like it could be fun for you ladies. It doesn't really involve me though because I am not scheduled to work that day." I thought I had successfully dodged the issue. But truthfully I was already imagining how thrilling it could be to come to work completely dressed as a female for the day. Tara chimed in and said, "Oh, that's too bad I bet with that body and those legs you would look quite hot as a female. No offense." "None taken", was all I could reply. "Then you would do it if Jill switched your day and had you work with us?", Tara inquired. It was time to decide if I wanted to act on this fantasy I had many times envisioned. Without much thought I quickly said, "Sure". Tara and Amy immediately went into planning out not what they would be wearing but what I would look good in. Amy swept though the store and picked out a few items; skirts, tops, dresses, as if she were shopping for one of her shopping partner girlfriends. She then suggested I try a few of the items on since there was no one in the store at the time. I balked and said I needed to get to work on some inventory. Both Tara and Amy allowed me to pass on the suggestion but both insisted they were going to be part of the plan to get me completely outfitted. I tried to downplay their comments about how much fun this was going to be and what I should do with my hair which I had grown out to shoulder length. I told them to worry about themselves and that I would be fine. To which Tara sarcastically said, "Oh do you have prior experience with this?" I assumed she was either busting on me or fishing for information. I did not give her the satisfaction of a reply. What I did do was start looking online for ideas. I found a pair of platform sandals on Shoedazzle.com that were awesome. One of the best marketing tools that business uses is pairing outfit suggestions with each shoe. I decided to copy the whole look: dress, jacket, bag, necklace, and make up colors. Over the next week I purchased everything online. A sexy VS bra and some shapewear was going to transform my body and allow me to get into a size 8 dress. As the first of the month approached, Tara and Amy became very inquisitive about what I was planning to wear. I finally told them I could use some help with make up application. Tara suggested I get my hair and nails done the night before at the salon a few doors down from the store. I had secretly hoped she would suggest this as I knew she had a couple of friends who were stylists at the salon. As soon as I agreed she was on the phone setting up the appointment. So on the night of March 31st I shaved my body completely smooth, and headed to the salon. I took a deep breath and walked into the salon knowing that this was the point of no return. I was warmly greeted by a stylist named Tina who stated she was happy that I had showed up for the appointment, implying she thought I was going to back out. The next two hours whirled by as I first received a pedicure, and some nail extensions both painted the shade of pink that my lipstick would be tomorrow. Tina then waxed my brows. I knew she was arching them way too much but I didn't say a word. Another stylist named Beth came in to talk about a hairstyle. I heard extensions being mentioned by both Tina and Beth. I tried to ask what they had planned but they both said not to worry and they had everything under control. As Beth went to work on my hair I knew she was cutting it in a feminine style that included bangs. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I told myself that I could always change it later. I glanced at my feminized hands and wondered what the next day would bring. I was snapped out of my trance when Beth turned me around in the chair so I could see her work. I could not believe my eyes! The long, waving hair bounced on my head as I turned from side to side startled at the change they had created. My eyes were framed by thin, arched eyebrows and my bangs swept over my forehead in a very sexy way. Even without makeup and male clothing I looked very female. I was shocked, pleased, and aroused all at the same time. Tina broke me out of my trance by saying that I was going to look very hot tomorrow when they had completed my make up. I was pretty speechless. Beth suggested I come in the morning wearing female clothes and no one would be the wiser. That seemed to make sense so in my head I decided that tomorrow I would come in wearing just a simple top and yoga pants that were definitely female but nothing too much, and I would carry my outfit for the day in the store with me. When I walked into the salon the next day I was happy to see there was no one else there but Tina. She became overly excited when I showed her my outfit. Tina told me to put on my bra and other shapewear. She then mentioned that before doing my makeup there was one other thing I could do to complete my look. Tina told me she had a woman coming in to demonstrate a new method of promoting breast enlargement surgery. I explained to her I was not interested in permanently changing my body, She explained that the great thing about the procedure she was offering clients today was that it only lasted one day. She was going to be injecting women who were considering breast enlargement with a saline solution to show how they would look with surgical enlargement. Tina brought in the consultant to talk to me and she and Tina insisted this was a great opportunity to have a nice set of b cups for a day. They insisted it would only last a day. The thought of having a perky set of tits began to be appealing to me and I soon found myself being injected. The effect was instantaneous. I sat up to view two perfectly shaped b cup size breasts on my chest. I cupped them in my hands and played with my nipples which sprang to attention. This was getting me quite excited. I knew if I did not stop I would explode. The feeling of my bra gently massaging my new breasts did not help me to calm down. I was now starting to understand the sexiness women must feel when wearing soft, pretty, bras. Tina snapped me out of my trance and had me change into the dress. I could not believe how my breasts accentuated my now very shapely body. Tina let me admire myself for a minute before she draped a cape over me and went to work on my makeup. An hour later I had to admit I looked like one hot chick. Each time I blinked I was very aware of the long lashes she had glued on me. I could not help but stare at my reflection not only because I looked so beautiful but because I was having a hard time believing it was me. I looked at the time to see it was just time to open the store. I knew that Tara and Jill were scheduled to open with me. It was then I realized that I had not even talked to Jill about what was happening today. I assumed she would make a decent looking guy but she was way too pretty to really ever pass as a male. I slipped on my off white short coat over my yellow green dress that match perfectly with the green and off white ankle strap platform sandals. My nails matched my lipstick perfectly. Tina handed me my light brown matching clutch and gave me a big hug and told me that no matter what happened to enjoy the day. That seemed like a strange comment. Until that comment and this moment that I had to walk out the door and balance sexily on my heels to the store about a hundred feet away, I had been pretty calm. Now it was hitting me that I needed to try and pass as a female at least until I got to the store and everyone saw that I was dressed as part of a team April Fools event. I thought about how weird it was going to be as the salesperson dressed in heels and a dress in the store. As I walked out of the salon and to the store I could tell I was getting a couple of looks from both males and females They were definitely looks of approval and/or lust though so I figured no one knew that under the dress was a guy. I got to the store and opened the door. Jill and Tara's mouth hit the floor as I entered. They were in total disbelief. It was then that I realized they were not dressed in drag. They were dressed just a female as ever. Only then did it dawn on me I had been set up for April Fools! My only thought now was how was the rest of the day going to go? There was no escaping. Maybe Jill didn't even know about this plan. Tara rushed up to me and hugged me. I was furious she had tricked me. Or was I? Tara told me I looked beautiful. She apologized for tricking me and said she assumed I knew all along and was just pretending to not know about the prank. I said to Tara, "What I am supposed to do now?" "What do you mean? You make a great looking woman, dear. So go with it. Today you are one of us, Andrea! You will probably our top salesgirl today!" As I caught my reflection in mirror I knew I looked quite good and except for my voice probably no customer would even guess I was actually a guy. I basked in the thought of being totally at ease and enjoying the day as a woman. But I was concerned about how Jill would react Then I caught Jill's eye. She was looking at me like she wanted to rip my dress off. Maybe this was going to be okay after all. I decided to totally go with the flow and I settled down and became Andrea. With a little practice I developed a voice that was a lower in the female range but certainly acceptable. I added some inventory to our new displays and even waited on a few customers. If they had any idea I was a guy no one ever mentioned it. Throughout the day Jill and I did not talk much but when we did she treated me just like any of the other female employees. Near the end of the day Jill commented on how great I looked and told me she wanted to take me out for dinner and drinks. She sensed my apprehension and said not to worry and that the only problem we might have is fending off men hitting on us. I was very nervous when we entered the restaurant but it soon became apparent that no one thought of us as anything other than two women out for dinner. After dinner Jill insisted I come to her place for some girl talk. We were not in her house two minutes before she kissed me. She lead me into her bedroom. I laid on top of her and worked my head down between my legs. Jill had the best tasting vag I had ever experienced and I sent her over the top a few times. Jill suddenly pulled me up and told me how great that was but that she needed to have my dick in her. We fucked for forever and we both had mind blowing orgasms. Then Jill said she was vey happy that I could be her male lover. She said she was worried I might only like it as a girl. I told her I loved every minute of what we had just done. "Good", replied Jill. She then had me put on just my panties, bra and heels and stood up to admire me. I was lying on my back trying to look sexy for her. Then she got up and went to the bathroom for a few minutes. When she returned she climbed on top of me and started playing with my nipples. I could not believe how hard they became. Jill's hand then slid down between my legs. She started fingering my butt. I glanced down to see she was sporting a decent sized strap on. Jill whispered in my ear. "Time to make you my girl now, Andrea". Jill slowly inserted her cock into and began to expertly fuck me. I found myself moaning like she had been a few minutes before. Jill started telling me how much she loved fucking her new girlfriend. I had a mind blowing full body climax like I had never felt before. I found myself begging for her to continue. She fucked me until we were both exhausted. As I drifted off to sleep wrapped in Jill's arms I could not help but think what the next day would bring. I woke up with a raging hard on. Not out of the normal but as I became more awake I realized this was partially due to Jill's hands playing with both my dick and my still present breasts. I rolled onto my chest and wondered if I should be concerned that my tits seemed to be the same size as yesterday. I quickly forgot about that as I felt Jill lower herself on my back. She had put on the strap on and was positioning herself to take me again. She pulled my hips up and I moved to get on my knees. She mounted me and began fucking away. She hit just the right spot and my body convulsed with pleasure. Jill began whispering in my ear. "You are such a sexy bitch. I am going to have you for the whole weekend. I can't wait to get you in some of my outfits and show you off." I figured we were about the same size so I knew this was quite possible. I also knew with my hair, eyebrows, smooth skin, and breasts that I was probably going to be wearing female clothes for at least one more day. While Jill continued to fuck me I realized I did not have any male clothes with me so I was at her mercy anyway. So all I could do was sigh in pleasure and anticipation of what she had in mind..... April Fooled Lucian and I had been friends for years. Not the sexual on and off relationship... just friends. We grew up together so I had never really thought of him as anything else. Don't get me wrong, he is fucking hot. My female friends always wanting me to hook them up with him, yet he never gets past one date. So another year added to our friendship and like clockwork I am on guard for his latest trick. Every year we try to out do each other. Last year I got him. The boys at his office are still talking about that stripper. Well this year it looks like I am safe. He had to fly out of town for his company and wouldn't be back until the 4th. Way too late to get me for our little annual contest. No big deal I needed a break from last year. I wake up on April first and roll over to hit snooze, pausing just before my hand hits it I decide that I should get up any way. Even with him out of town does not make it safe. Tossing the covers back and turning off the alarm I slide from bed and head to the shower. Standing in the hot shower allowing the water to assault my skin, I ca almost feel him behind me. His naked form pressed against my back. I sigh as I daydream being held in his arms. Shaking myself out of that little thought before it gets carried away I turn off the water and exit the shower. As I am getting ready for work I am looking at everything suspiciously like he hid something in my house. He was good, I will give him that. Even if he didn't do anything he would have me paranoid all day. The day went by without an incident. He called me twice just to check up on me and laugh at me for how jumpy I was. "Relax, I'm not even there. Consider this year a gift, a reprieve before I get you next year. Enjoy it while you can." He chuckled and hung up with me. Still something wasn't right. I could feel it. Its like I was missing something. In this age of cell phones I couldn't even check where he had called from. But I did verify that he flew out yesterday. I shouldn't be this jumpy. I really shouldn't. Once home I began to relax more. The day was almost over and the end was in sight. I stripped from my work clothes and put on one of my huge baggy white button up shirts. I stretched out on the couch after dinner and flipped through the channels. Soon I was dozing on the couch. I'm not even sure of what time it was or the last thing I had seen on the TV. I heard a soft click of my front door being unlocked but didn't think anything of it. The warmth of my dreams and only two people having keys to my house, it didn't matter. What happened next jolted me to life. I was on my side on the couch but then I was face first on the floor, my hands pulled roughly behind my back and secured. Before I could scream I found a gag in my mouth and then my eyes covered. Trembling as tears spilled free and soaked the bandana, the rough hands lifted me from the floor and threw me on the couch. It was a male by his strength, and definitely by his touch. I was in full panic, chewing on the gag in my mouth unable to see anything. I heard him turn up the television set a few more notches and the front door again clicked shut and locked. I didn't know what to do, my hands twisting restlessly in the binds as I began to feel for my cell phone that I kept beside me at all times. Just as I flipped it open it was tugged from me and thrown across the room. A sharp smack resounded as I saw stars. The side of my face burning. Gasping back the tears I slump on the couch, my mind resigned for the moment not to cause him any more anger. He fisted the front of my shirt and pulled me upright. He leaned forward I could feel his breathe on my cheek as he whispered low and menacingly. "Be a good little girl and do as your told, and you will be fine. Do you understand?" I nodded softly biting back a whimper. He then removed the gag from my mouth and before I registered what was happening he was kissing me. His tongue tasting and probing forcefully like I was his. As quick as it had started the kiss was over. My heart dropped in my stomach. Something seemed familiar, but in the fear I couldn't register it. His hand grasped my hair and tugged my head back, I cried out softly as the sharp pain shot through my body. My mouth then taken. He pulled me forward and began to fuck my mouth. I couldn't believe what was going on. I didn't even hear him undo his zipper, couldn't quite register what was happening to me. He continued to pump my mouth on his hardness, slowly I gave in, my tongue teasing along his shift on the strokes, my body responding to his forcefulness. I was disgusted with myself that I had begun to enjoy this. But I continued. His groan coming more and more and I felt him swell. His cream exploded into my mouth as I tried to pull away, but he pulled me deeper on him, forcing me to swallow most of it. He pushed me to the side when he was done and left me to lay on the couch. I felt used and dirty. Whimpering I lay there and cried softly, wondering when this nightmare would be over. He was in the kitchen. I could hear him rustling around. I was scared to death hoping that today would not be my last day. My wrists still twisting nervously behind my back as he returned. I barely heard him return. A soft click on the table bringing my attention back to him. His hand on the buttons of my shirt, he rips it open, buttons popping, it took everything for me not to scream. I could feel his eyes scan over my body, nothing to hinder him. His hands roughly pulled at my nipples, a small whimper escaping me as his right hand slid down my belly and explored lower. He lingered a moment on the trimmed hair before delving deeply inside me. My back arched as I cried out. His fingers slick as he pulled them out and marked a trail between my breasts. "You are hot already. Look at that. I should have done this earlier..." his voice trailed off as his tongue licked over a nipple, then biting hard. I couldn't help it. I had always like things rough and as scary as this was it was a turn on. His tongue swirled and tasted before trailing down my belly. I tried to squirm away from him but his hand grasped my hips and pulled me to his mouth. Breathless I arched towards him, his tongue sending excitement through me, wanting more. His tongue teased around my sensitive bud, then his finger driving deeply in me. As bad as I wanted to be taken I wasn't going to beg him for it. I bit down on my lip as wave after wave of excitement assaulted me. Damn! Did he have to be so good with his mouth? Suddenly he stopped. Gasping for breather I just laid there. His hands spreading my legs open as he slides between them. I cried out as he filled me completely. "Oh my god!" I cried out as his hand found my mouth. He thrust faster and harder into me. Each stroke delving deeper and deeper until I felt I was going to burst. An orgasm crashed over me so intensely that I passed out. Swirling blackness of sweet rapture had taken me. I awoke in his arms. My hands still bound, eyes still covered, his fingers running lightly through my hair. He tugged the bandana free from my eyes and stared down upon me. "Lucian..." I whispered out. "April fools" He smiled. I wanted to hit him. But my hands were still securely behind me. I was speechless. I really didn't know how to take that night. But it wasn't over. He flipped me over and pulled me across his knee. "And this my sweet... is for last years stunt..." the smacks landing smartly on my bare ass. The heat searing through me. "Oh. Please don't!" I cried out. His fingers spread me as he felt deep inside. "Soo you like this. I had a feeling you did." His hand landed again sharply across my ass as I began to wiggle. Lets just say... the night was far from over.